#i have no skin in the romance game so consider me somewhat impartial

[foundfamily-connoisseur]

Cramps are krampusing so uhhh my thoughts on these dudes as romantic partners and additional explanation cuz why not

Explanation in order of chart

Doc Louis:

have you seen how much he cares for his boy? Absolutely doting and will always find a way to make time for you. Honestly the only thing you'd need to talk to him with is balancing time together as partners and his own time as Macs dad i mean coach

Piston Hondo:

super respectful and he seems very communicative and willing to talk about whatever issues you two may have in a relationship(although i doubt you'd have many). He's not as obsessed with his position in boxing as some of the other folks, which means of course he'll make time for you and would enjoy doing things you'd like to do(even if it isn't his personal cup of tea)

Don Flamenco:

He's a Spaniard. Love and romance is his whole thing if he sucks at that literally what is he here for. I think if there was an issue it'd be how petty he can be(less with you and more on personal vendettas/grudges with other folks), nothing serious tho

Bald Bull:

Ok ik he has anger issues and maybe it's the biases talking but he literally only gets mad when ppl are all up in his face. Only difference between him and me is I just start bawling when that happens lmao.

I think he's the only one with bigger problems in the "good partner" section but he gets higher up because if he isn't bombarded with the paparazzi he's literally chill. Nice sweet and domestic scene me thinks

Bear Hugger:

He would prolly rank higher but I feel he's the type to be a bit dense. Nothing enough to be a major problem but you gotta spell out some things to him sometimes lol. Maybe a bit more rowdy/"dirty" than preferred, but outside of that he's a 10/10

Disco Kid:

Just nothing remarkable tbh. For sure sweet and attentive but he might be coming home late from a party (and it really will just be him losing track of time but sometimes you gotta go 🤨 😒 and give him an earful). Only fault would be his overt friendliness that might lead to others thinking he's flirting and he doesn't get it till you pull him aside and tell him and he's like OHHHHHHHH my bad lol

Glass Joe:

I probs should've ranked him higher lmao idk why he's there. I think the only thing I could fault him on is his innate stubbornness cuz no way is that only staying in the ring. It isn't that he'll fight with you on everything but he has a few select things that are his way or the high way and it just he like that.

Von Kaiser:

Look at him. He is filled to the brim with issues. I feel like his PTSD or whatever we want to assume he has gets to him a fair bit. Again I doubt it'll ever escalate to violence but there are times where it really does affect his ability to communicate or do things. Its assuredly a talk you two need to have and something you need to understand getting into the relationship. Also please get him into therapy I think that'll help but he's 42 I don't think he believes in that.

Mr. Sandman:

he'd be a fine boyfriend for sure, maybe a bit stoic in public with the occasional discrete smile here or there, but his anger issues are so much worse chat. Like he clearly values his position as world champion that when he lost it he wrecked a BUILDING!!!!

Im not going to say anyone here would be violent towards you but that man might punch walls or some shit. More than likely just absolutely obliterate his punching bag. His obsession might cause issues in your relationship that could lead to neglect on his behalf. You are for sure fighting with him on talking it out but he's sweet outside of that. If I had to move him he might teeter onto the rank below but the others are just worse so he gets saved there i suppose.

Great Tiger:

He just seems full of himself. Not as bad as SMM but enough that you'd argue with him from time to time. I feel like he'd use his clones to play silly pranks and they're fine until one day he does it when you're super tense and you end up yelling at him. His biggest sin is just not understanding what's funny to him could be annoying to you. It might take an outburst to set him straight than a one to one talk, though

Super Macho Man:

Does he treat the women he's with well? Yeah of course! At least when it comes to spending dough on them. He doesn't seem like the type to want a relationship in the first place, and if he does it's very brief since he's always looking for someone hotter than the last(or whoever is the most eager). If there is a genuine relationship, he thinks that gifts can supplement any other aspect to a relationship beyond showing you off, and would get mad that you ask him for a little quality time once in a while(like shut up he literally bought you a Porsche what more could you want????)

Also I'm going to be so real here if he doesn't think you're up to snuff looks wise he's going to be a bit of an ass. Mostly it's just him being more willing to push you aside for events and stuff because he considers you to be "lucky" that he's even sparing a minute of his time with you. Then surprised Pikachu face when you leave

Aran Ryan:

Who started this list I'm sorry chat but his ass is NOT ready for a relationship. What you get from this man is an emotionally stunted mess who can't process his own emotions beyond anger, much less yours. He either is dismissive of you at best or if he loves you completely still sucks because he doesn't know how to deal with those kinds of feelings.

He'd be possessive but not in the cute way; someone can look at you for a moment too long and he's bashing their skull in. Like it can even get to the point where he's iffy about any male friendships as a result.

Additionally that man can't process emotions for the life of him. I just feel like if he's sad he's the type to suppress it and ignore it via boxing or literally anything else until it catches up with him years later. As a result, you can literally tell him your grandpa died and he'd be like "damn" and go on with his day. Of course he feels absolutely fucking horrible for you but he assumes that his way of dealing with his problems is the way you should do it since ignoring problems = problems don't exist anymore.

Obviously, this does not work and you just end up fighting/crying. Genuinely he just doesn't seem ready for any kind of relationship and I don't think he thinks therapy is real or is the type to say it's for sissys or something.

On that note he's got a bit of misogyny to him(his quotes are not slay girlbosses) that are only not worse because his sister beats him straight.

Would he cheat? Eh. If it started off as a hook up or something than I just think he'd forget he's even in a relationship tbh. If he's actually in love absolutely not he's got standards sometimes

Soda Popinski:

I flip back and forth on where I'd place him because he seems fine overall, but of course it's his vice that does him in. It's more of a matter on how much you think his soda vice impacts his life, especially with Title Defense mode where he's super serumed with it. He's absolutely coming back home every day sloshed and you can only put up with that for so long. It's a balance act of his good character outside of his vice and the vice itself.

Donkey Kong: that is a gorilla. Ideally no one wants to date said gorilla.

Little Mac: he's aromantic to me chat he signed it to me himself.

I JUST REALIZED I DIDNT PUT KING HIPPO SHIT:

yeah nothing remarkable to him. At most yall are going to argue about how much money he spends on food but tbf you knew what to expect in this relationship idk why you're so surprised.