#they're all girls jfc @ me

[zellkabellk]

Re-listening to LoZ : Twilight's Princess OST and damn it really makes me want to replay the game ;;;;;; ToTK Zelda may have sneaked her way into 'my top 3 fav Zeldas' but TP Zelda is still definitely in there too... (the third one is Tetra fdmksjhgkj)

[xerith-42]

Going onto the internet and finding out that people hated Mabel Pines (a literal 12 year old girl who is also not real) might have been one of the first times I felt truly disillusioned with the rest of the world

[magentagalaxies]

ok so it's already wild enough that scott thompson from the kids in the hall was present for my first drink of alcohol, first time smoking a joint, took me to my first gay bar, etc. but the fact that he lowkey also contributed to the chain of events that led to me having my first kiss tonight is truly insane like how does this keep happening

[queercatboyrights]

gotta finish 2 (non-art)portfolios by the end of the day

[hiduprakyat]

speaking of. I need some input on this.

a week or two ago I posted about the drama with some (now) coursemates. four or so months ago one of them showed me a picture of a crocheted charm she saw on a chinese app and said she wanted it but the girl who made it doesn't sell them. so I made one for her birthday. her birthday is at the end of december. it is not her birthday for another two weeks

now I have this bluebell charm that I absolutely do not fucking want to keep with me due to obvious fucking reasons but also don't think I can give it to her considering she's the only one that's outright hostile to me rn. for no reason btw

do I still give it to her and let that be the end of it, but also risk her just throwing it away, or do I just give it to someone else

[seuugyoon]

#rant

[everythingne]

all american bitch -- ls2

After a successful concert in Miami, your twin sister is caught having a little moment with her boyfriend outside a club. Most people jump to conclusions, but you have a way to shut everyone up (and give half of the F1 community a heart attack in the process)

logan sargeant x singer!reader

warnings/notes: cheating allegations, cursing, so many sexual innuendos, sexual lyrics, terribly written lyrics should count as a warning... also I wrote this to celebrate logan 2024 <3

fc: gracie abrams

-

04 MAY, INSTAGRAM

urusername made a new post!

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri, sistersacc, and 450k others

urusername: miami!! u were ELECTRIC!! a great finish to the first leg of the tour. oh and thank u to both @ logansargeant and @ sistersacc for joining me in miami tn ahead of the gp <3

tagged: sistersacc, logansargeant, williamsracing

lilymhe: LAST PIC??

urusername: people keep sending logan text posts to me and its amazing

user1: girl explain what u were doing last night

user2: patiently waiting on her downfall fr

user3: MOTHER IS MOTHERING!!!

logansargeant: I LOVE YOU BITCH ASS

urusername: I LOVE YOU TOO FUCK HEAD !!! 💙💙

williamsracing: y/n. ur electric.

urusername: im leaving logan for u williams admin

logansargeant: dude what the fuck :(

user4: so we're gonna act like no one saw her cheating?

sistersacc: AAAA SO MUCH FUN THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE U MAD <333

alexalbon: thank u again for inviting me and lily i cannot express the joy of finally meeting the woman logan never shuts up about

user7: not everyone jumping to conclusions jfc

logansargeant made a new post

logansargeant: thank u williams for the incredible season and for trusting this american guy and taking a chance on me. thank u @ urusername for being my rock. see u all next yr 💙

USER HAS LIMITED COMMENTS ON THIS POST.

urusername: so so so proud of u baby <3 u did incredible

logansargeant: thank u <3

alexalbon: see u in a few weeks

oscarpiastri: great job man u did amazing

--

EXTRATV made a new post!

liked by 456k others...

extratv: While rumors are spiraling of potential cheating allegations against Y/n L/n, she was spotted with Taylor Swift at a local park in Miami after day two of her residency in the Kaseya Center. Has the checkered flag waved for the American 'It Couple' of F1?

user1: bro its so over for us.

user2: NOOO Y/N SARGEANT PLS </3

user3: people see taylor and think its an immediate break up. taylor literally helped y/n start music bc their moms are besties idk what y'all are on.

user4: reputation era real

--

"Do you see this shit?" You turn to look at Logan behind you, who currently has his face smushed into what was previously your pillow as he attempts to recover sleep from his season of traveling just about everywhere. You would be in the same boat as him if you weren't being hounded over doing your skincare and such everyday for tour. Because of that hounding, you had to take off all the makeup you had put on for dinner as soon as you got home. The dinner was with all your family and friends to celebrate the end of a season and the end of the first leg of your tour.

"No?" Logan blinks open his eyes and you cross the room from your shared bathroom, he lifts the blanket so you can slide in next to him in the bed as the fleeting Florida sun nips warmth into your skin before his warmth envelops you in the comfortable blankets you have across the bed as the fan above rotates on high.

You flip your phone, showing him the pictures of your sister people were using to say you cheated on Logan.

"Oh be so serious." He groans into your side as he looks at the photos, arm draped lazily over you before he plucks the device out of your hands and drags you fully under the blankets with them.

"Don't worry," He murmurs, sleep in his voice, "It'll blow over if we just ignore it."

"Logan they're trying to cancel me on Twitter." You deadpan, rolling into his embrace and snuggling against him.

"Write a song about it like everyone thinks you're doing with Taylor, play it on tour or something.'' He mumbles into the skin of your neck before giving you a soft kiss.

You hate how enticing the idea is.

"You're gonna have to review the lyrics before I post it, because I might make it absolutely filthy." You warn and Logan's eyes widen as he perks up from where he's cuddled into your side.

"Oh please, please, do." His little shit eating grin makes you burst into laughter as you nod, pulling out your notebook from your bedside table and a pen as Logan adjusts so he can watch you scribble down ideas.

-

urusername made a new post!

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri, lilymhe, and 215k others...

urusername: im so sorry to @ williamsracing in advance. my new single miami burn comes out tmrw 💙

lilymhe: get em girl.

logansargeant: i apologize in advance to my pr team

williamsracing: logan please.

oscarpiastri: some times i wonder about u two. and then i hear about you and it makes me wish i never asked.

logansargeant: wow love u too man

landonorris: no i heard the demo im with oscar on this

arthurleclerc: prayers to ur pr team !

williamsracing: well now im scared.

[motorsportbarbie13]

What's A Soulmate? Part 2.5

The social media you and Lando fed the fans the two years you worked for your brother was...a thing to remember.

(in my head, these all take place late 2019/early2020. Just some SM fluff. If you like these, I'll do more for these babies!)

Part 1 Part 2 Master List

LandoNorris: At your service, pretty girl >>>user123: pretty girl? i'm weak. user198: Imagine having Lando fucking Norris drive you around. Girl is winning at life.

LandoNorris: Still can't believe you forced me to eat that garbage. >>>LittlestSainzSis: I didn't force you to eat anything, you monkey. You gagged when was eating it five feet away from you. >>>LandoNorris: Rightfully so. user3829: Lando in the same room as some sushi? Man is down bad.

GeorgiePorgie: Ten bucks says you drove her to it. >>>SmoooooooothOperator: You'd win that bet. SpicySainz: You wouldn't stop quoting Finding Nemo! >>>Landhino: I'm am piranha from the Amazon *chomp chomp* >>>SpicySainz: I hate you

user876: your honor, i love her. user329: get 'em sis LandoNorris: Restraining order on it's way >>>LittleSainzSis: please, you'd cease to function without me >>>CarlosSainz: She's got a point >>>user321: The girls are fighting!

SpicySainz: you wouldn't stop whinging until I took the picture, you muppet. >>>landhino: prove it.

tagged: @/LittlestSainzSis

user128: HAND. PLACEMENT. user983: No way they're not dating. Like. What. user72882: Lando, did you mean to post this on main??? user829: holy body goals, jfc user9332: gossip girlzzzz

Tag List: Tag List: @anilovessadbooks, @shelbyteller, @formulaal, @martygraciesversion381, @longhairkoo, @samantha-chicago, @stelena-klayley @dark-night-sky-99 @luckylampzonkland, @chlmtfilms , @inarabee @aykxz98 @forensicheart @cheer-bear-go-vroom @charlesgirl16 @lieutenantchaos @willowsnook @sltwins @linnygirl09

[ghoulphile]

so I realized after writing that last thing that horny old man Coop is my weakness SO WERE DOING MORE

Can you imagine the dates he'd take you on? How much he'd spoil you rotten? At first Coop would definitely try to say it's so some guy your age doesn't impress you with the bare minimum. You need a real gentleman to take you out to understand what it's like to be treated like the proper young woman you are. Of course, he'd tell you as such, too. Saying how lovely you are, how you'll make some boy really happy one day. Once they're old enough to learn how to treat you right, that is. He would take you out to fancy restaurants where you would practice the proper etiquette for dates; how to hold a sophisticated conversation for adults, how manage and advocate for yourself, and how to please. You need to know how to feel good and how to make someone feel good. He doesn't want you to have no experience. This is for you.

That's why you're sitting in the passenger seat of his fancy car, lips wrapped around his cock as Coop whispers praise so filthy it makes your pussy twitch. Why when he caresses you hallowed cheek and gathers your hair up into his tight fist, his fingertips brushing along the earrings he bought you. A gentleman would make sure your hair wasn't in you face after all. He guides your head up and down, a valuable teaching moment for the perfect pace. "See, sweetie," He would drawl out, his tongue darting out to wet his dry mouth. "This how you thank someone for taking you out to such a fancy restaurant." His hips rolling into your eager mouth. He would tilt his head back, little himself get lost in the blissful sensation of warm, wet, and so very tight. He really should pace himself before he grabs you and sits you in his lap, fucks his way inside and let's you soak his nice slacks. He would chuckle when he sees his hand slide under your dress and between your plump thighs, scratching at your scalp in a soothing encouragement. "Don't be shy. Touchin' yourself is perfectly natural. Good girl, for taking the reigns." He moans, eager to let you explore yourself and him.

He wouldn't be a very good teacher if he didn't.

"This how you thank someone for taking you out to such a fancy restaurant." 👁️👄👁️ excuse me?! you can't just say things like that aiuhfuisafhsufsjkfhsk

cooper howard said that to me and caressed my face? he's getting the gawk gawk 3000 jfc 💀

[cryptidotter]

It fucks me up in Harrow the Ninth when we get both Gideon and Harrow recalling the fight they have before Harrow opens the Tomb, because the details are so fucking bleak.

Harrow merely recalls it as a moment where she's convinced that everyone hates her (and she thinks they're "completely correct to do so"), and then later Gideon remembers that what started the fight was Gideon saying "I bet my mother loved me a lot more than yours loves you". This hits so close to home that this is the only fight described where Harrow doesn't fight with necromancy—she's reduced to nothing more than a hurting child, no different from the girl she's fighting. Gideon almost strangles her to death, and then Harrow writes her suicide note and goes to the Tomb.

And then if that wasn't bleak enough, here's how Harrow described the ultimate consequences of that event during the pool scene:

Harrow is so desperate for any scrap of proof that she was loved, that she remembers her parents ordering her to die as a kindness. That's the closest thing she can imagine to being cared for.

Harrow gets angry at Gideon for responding to this anecdote with pity, but jfc you can't really blame Gideon for that. Both of you were extremely abused children and there's no need for trauma olympics here. The Ninth sucked all around.

[alipeeps]

Hah!! I knew it!! (I'm onto your storytelling tricks now GJM!!)

Yeeeah you coulda acted a little quicker though Zhuo Yichen... like before Pei Sijing got thrown into a pillar... (although on second thoughts, no, fuck her traitorous ass, as you were Zhuo Yichen, you're good....)

Oh god, the angst of it all...

If he were to die, the burden would just be passed to someone else. He would be condemning someone else to the pain and self-loathing that he feels.

Oh dang, the bottle he drinks from all the time is a liquid that helps suppress malicious energy!! He's literally dosing himself all day every day to try and stay in control!!

Shit, he is visibly shaking with effort, struggle to keep even a smidgen of control, and begging Ying Zhao to kill him before it's too late

Wait, what's grandpa gonna do? Why's he telling Ying Lei goodbye?!!

Did he... did he just fucking sacrifice himself to help suppress Zhu Yan?! Did he put his... spirit?... into Zhu Yan to help suppress the malicious qi?

That might save everyone's lives but jfc that is NOT going to help Zhu Yan's guilt/self-loathing problem!!

Oh GOD the usually carefree and silly Ying Lei outright SOBBING over his grandpa is fucking killing me!

Good god, his FACE. He looks happy at first... I guess that the blood moon is over and he is in control? But then he looks up and sees... sees the aftermath... of what HE has done...

My poor fucking boy. He is so tormented. 😭

He is indeed grandpa

So they've got a month where the malicious qi won't affect him...

I'm still not sure I understand what it is he's done to himself to get those scars? Was he being literal about lightning strikes? And secluding himself *after* the blood moon... why? To let the malicious qi levels lessen?

God the visuals of this show!!

Sure ya do buddy.

Why are you no match for Li Lun? I thought you were badass demon? Oooh wait up though... the subs on iQiyi said "I'm no match for Li Lun"... but the subs on the my downloaded file say "I can't kill Li Lun". Which is it? Because one is can't as in not able to... and the other might mean can't as in can't bring myself to...

Oh wait what? It can?

Oh god Ying Lei's grief has me genuinely crying.

No she hasn't, they're having to take turns at the scenic moping spot and Zhu Yan had it most of the night...

Yeah you DESERVE to be hated girl cos Zhu Yan didn't have a choice... you did. He was literally being controlled by malicious energy. Regardless of what Chongwu camp used to get you to spy for them, you made the choice to.

WHO? Who should have almost completed his great mission by now? Cos that did not sound like you were talking about Zhao Yunzhou there...

I STG if you fuckers pull the rug out from under me by making Xiao Bai be a fucking spy too I will cut a bitch...

Aaaaand the next scene jumps straight to Xiao Bai. Don't you do it. Don't you fucking dare!!

Oooh they've somehow all magically got furry winter clothes now...

Oh dang, my boy's had a mountain god makeover.

Awww he's leaving the gang to stay there?

Oh god damn don't give the magic travel device to the fucking spy. She'll land you all straight into the middle of Chongwu camp instead of where you want to go...

Yeeeeeaaaah that ain't all it means mate... 😂

They're all having protracted heartfelt goodbyes... and where is my poor Zhu Yan?

Group hug!! For everybody except the Great Demon Zhu Yan... 😭

Ugh that was an emotional rollercoaster and I am exhausted.

[ugh-yoongi]

about u | jjk

❝ this song is about a love that you can’t reconcile—wanting to make a home out of a person that has proved to you time and again that they are not a home; they are just a person. it’s about retracing scars, negative patterns, all with the silent belief that moments of communion and understanding might justify months of misfiring and regret. we’re all just trying to get back to that ‘first high’ feeling—an honest endeavor, however futile. ❞

✤ PAIRING jungkook x f. reader ✤ GENRE exes to fwb to strangers, college/grad school au; angst, smut ✤ RATING explicit. minors do not interact. ✤ WARNINGS toxic & self-destructive behavior (inc. jealousy and possessiveness). infidelity (with an external partner). reader is bisexual (which is not a warning but a general statement so the homophobes stay away) and there is a brief mention of coming out. two people who are both too honest and unable to communicate. swearing. cigarettes and alcohol use. kissing, some spitting, fingering, oral sex, protected vaginal sex. every time i asked jess to read this over for me she always came back with "jfc jewel" so i guess this is angsty. unhappy ending. ✤ WORDCOUNT 7.3k ✤ LISTEN TO this was based off of "winterbreak" by muna, but there are bits and pieces of the entire about u album in here, "everything" and "outro" especially. ✤ THANK YOU to muna for writing the album, @the-boy-meets-evil and @hot-soop for reading over this for me multiple times and putting up with all my brainstorming and my beloved @here2bbtstrash for the extra set of eyes. ✤ AUTHOR'S NOTE hi, thank you for reading! i cannot emphasize enough how much more sense this story will make if you listen to about u in the background. i would also like to reiterate that these two are maybe not all that likeable most of the time, but i hope they're still human. as i once saw in an ao3 tag, you are more than the worst thing you've ever done.

[ the first. ] You’d read an article once—something about the second time you fall in love.

It’s going to feel different, it’d said. The first time felt like a dream.

As you stare across the kitchen at Jeongguk, you think that might be true. The part about it feeling like a dream, because it used to be a pinky-lavender haze and everything that has come after hasn’t felt so good. Not a nightmare, but close. At least with nightmares you can force yourself awake. You can tell yourself it wasn’t real. You can pretend.

This is as real as it gets, watching him smile over the rim of a plastic red cup. Someone else’s hand on his arm. The girl it belongs to looks nothing like you, and you wonder if she’ll be the second time he falls in love. You also wonder why you didn’t stay home. You wonder about fault and regret and if either of them even matter. No, you eventually decide: there’s just you in Taehyung’s kitchen and Jeongguk on the other side of it and the result of a million decisions in between you.

There had been a plenitude of reasons you’d fallen in love with Jeongguk, but he’s undoubtedly beautiful. Soft, tinkling laugh; a smile that reaches his eyes. Not all that long ago you used to be responsible for both, so there’s a lingering, bitter sting beneath your wonder. Jeongguk is beautiful and no longer yours, and that’s enough to have you retreating to the living room.

Jimin’s at your side immediately. Wraps an arm around your shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of your head that does little to alleviate your guilt. Missing someone is always easier with thousands of miles in between you. All those distractions. Just like a nightmare, distance lets you pretend. Not so easy to do when all those ghosts come back to haunt you; when you can still hear Jeongguk’s soft voice in the kitchen. The music is so loud but you’d be able to hear him anywhere, you think.

Even places he’s not.

Jimin leans down, forces his way into your personal space. “Are you doing okay?” he asks, and his words are warm and wrapped in alcohol, but you nod. You’re scared you might start crying if you open your mouth. Afraid of what might come out besides shuddering breaths, which just makes you feel stupid. Baby’s first breakup, you chide yourself. Maybe Jimin can get you a commemorative ornament.

Taehyung is turning twenty-four and it should be joyous. It is joyous. People that aren’t you are laughing and dancing and pressing their cheeks together as they huddle close to take selfies. Someone you don’t recognize is cackling wildly as they wrangle Taehyung into a headlock and smear cake frosting on his face. Someone else is tutting and running a rag under the tap to wipe it off and then the frosting is gone. It’s hard not to draw parallels.

There one minute and gone the next.

Gently wiped away.

But the feeling lingers, doesn’t it? The tack of the frosting, all the love that transpired between you and Jeongguk. Sometimes you fear it’s permanent—not able to be wiped away with a rag run under the tap, not able to be wiped away at all. Just this burden you’re cursed to carry, because Jeongguk isn’t and can’t be yours but knowing does nothing to erase the past. Doesn’t help you forget. It’s fucked and it’s unfair, but that’s just the way it goes.

“I think I should leave,” you say, watching another scene play out in the kitchen. Jeongguk fills a cup and hands it to a different pretty girl. Everyone here is so pretty. Makes sense; so is Taehyung. Pretty people are drawn to one another like that. “Is it too soon? Will it be obvious?”

Jimin sighs, wraps you in a hug. Says, “Oh, love,” in a way that’s too sympathetic. Makes you sound too pathetic. “No one will blame you. These things are hard.”

You squeeze your eyes shut. Not that you don’t appreciate Jimin’s reassurance, but sometimes it all feels a bit silly. Weren’t you the one to walk away? Call it off? Are you allowed to mourn the very thing you destroyed?

And Jimin, bless him, is so patient with you. Asks if you need a ride home and you wave him off, remind him your parents’ place isn’t far, that the cold might do you some good. You tell him you appreciate him and his night shouldn’t be ruined on your account, and you just laugh when he tries to protest, tell him to go get himself another drink.

“Text me when you get home,” he says, voice stern, and you brush that off, too. “I’m serious. It’s late and it’s dark and anyone could be out there—”

“Maybe I should walk you home, then?”

All those articles you read about the second time you fall in love didn’t mention this. Said nothing about the way a voice will always be able to turn your world on its axis and how to right it again. Said nothing about how to coexist with ghosts. Said nothing about what to do with all the yearning and the pain and the stupid, selfish strands of hope. There are paragraphs about an overarching, general grief, but nothing about the specific one living inside of you.

The shock on Jimin’s face is reflecting your own. It’s nice to not be the only one caught off-guard and stammering over their words. It’s nice to have a friend when it feels like your entire world is on the edge of collapse. “I don’t…” he begins. Swallows thickly and turns to look at you, an obvious question biting at the back of his teeth.

You know the answer.

You know that what you should say isn’t what you want, just like you know it isn’t fair, this thing you’re doing. Because you turn to Jeongguk and say, “Are you sure?” which might as well be a yes, because you’re selfish and suspended in this liminal space and don’t want him to go home with anyone else. You don’t want him to move on.

He shrugs. ���It’s on the way.”

You say okay. Let Jimin help you into your coat, hide his face in your neck as he tells you to be careful, and that stings. You’ve never had to be careful around Jeongguk before. The two of you never, ever hurt one another—until you did. The kind of hurt your heart hasn’t easily forgotten, is still stubbornly clinging to.

Your heart wants Jeongguk, always.

You want Jeongguk, always, so you let him grab your hand, link your pinkies together. You let him lead you out of the house and don’t turn back to see who might be watching. God, you want to, though. Want all those pretty girls to see that he’s leaving with you. Want them to know it’s your name that’s branded on his heart; your name beneath his skin. For once, you want someone to want what you have.

It’s strange. The two of you have been apart for eight months, and there’s a lot of things you might want to tell someone in that amount of time, but you find it hard now. Don’t know where to start, which words to use. Don’t want to say something stupid, because Jeongguk is just walking you home but you’ve assigned a lot of meaning to it, and eight months is a long time to yearn for something and finally get it.

So you say, “You didn’t have to do this, you know,” because it’s something that’s true and easy to say.

Jeongguk doesn’t answer right away. Drops your pinky so he can hold your hand properly—fully, all five fingers intertwined—and squeezes. “Is it weird for you?” he asks, and he doesn’t sound nervous. Almost sounds like he’s smiling a little, giving you shit. He sounds familiar.

“No. I don’t know. Maybe a little.” He asks why? at the same time he passes under a streetlight. Lights up golden and amber. He’s beautiful—“I don’t know. It’s just… I guess it’s just been a long time. We didn’t leave things the best.”—and no longer yours.

The Jeongguk walking beside you is not the same Jeongguk that walked out of your dorm eight months ago, tears staining his cheeks, the smell of a goodbye fuck still clinging to his clothes, his skin, sweat still dotting his hairline. This Jeongguk is sharper, more selfish with his laughter, and you wonder about all the ways heartbreak can change a person. How you’re changed for facilitating it. You wonder if Jeongguk blames you before deciding you’re too much of a coward to find out the answer.

“Was it that bad?” When you look over at him, he’s chewing on his lip ring, trying to bite back a smile. “You’ll have to remind me. I don’t remember.”

You stop walking, jerking forward when Jeongguk is left unaware and keeps going. “That’s not funny,” you say. “Jeongguk, that’s not—I did what I thought was best, okay? I thought I was doing the right thing—”

The smile drops from Jeongguk’s face. “Hey, hey, look at me,” he says, and he’s hesitant to reach out and touch you but he does it anyway. Cups your face in both hands. “I know, it’s okay. That’s just—it’s just life, right? You did what you had to do, babe. It’s okay.”

You did what you had to do, babe.

Did you?

Jeongguk is selfish with his laughter but never his affection, and knowing that feels like an albatross around your neck. You have broken him so entirely, but he’s still kind to you, finds it a worthwhile thing to be.

His eyes go to your lips. Tattooed fingers dimple your face just a little more, dig in deeper. When you dare to take him in, he looks… different. No longer amused, the way he was just seconds ago; now, there’s something dark there. Longing, anger, hunger. Jeongguk looks like he wants to swallow you whole and make you suffer; looks like he wants to cage you beneath him and worship you through the comedown.

I’d let him, you think as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. As you smell the smoke that lingers, the sweat and the alcohol. I’d still let him.

It’d be so easy to press a kiss there. To feel his skin beneath your lips: flushed, still warm from the party, not all daunted by the bitter winter wind biting at your cheeks. As you lean in further, you wonder if it’ll taste the same. You wonder how much can change in eight months and if all those old comforts change, too. If it’s something inevitable.

Jeongguk moves his hands to your waist. Crawls his fingertips beneath your jacket and finds bare skin. Sucks in the smallest bit of air, and you would’ve missed it had it been any other time, but winter is always quiet and subdued. Always smells transitional, something dangerously close to hope and redemption.

And eight months is a long time to miss the feel of someone’s lips, isn’t it, so you think you can be excused for reaching for something you thought you’d never have again.

The first kiss is hesitant, testing; pressed to the spot just beneath his ear. Maybe you don’t know this Jeongguk, but you know the version of him you used to love—the one you still do—and you know the way he’ll sigh. You know the way his hands will grip tighter. You can still hear it, the way you used to kiss him there and he’d say, don’t start something you can’t finish, baby, and the way you’d laugh and always, always finish it. Can still feel the warmth that used to bloom in your chest. The love.

Jeongguk won’t say that now, you know. Wonder if it’d sound more like don’t start something you already finished if he did. He huffs a small laugh, more an exhale than anything, and asks, “What are you doing?”

And you answer, “I don’t know,” because it’s honest. You admit, “I guess I just miss you,” because it’s true.

A war wages within Jeongguk. You can see the storms, the white flags that are close to being thrown out. Can see the way his gaze flits between your lips and your eyes. What he’s looking for, you don’t know, but the storm rages on. And just like real life, just when you think it’s at its worst, there’s a break in the clouds: a tangible beam of silvery-warm light when Jeongguk tangles his hands in your hair, thumbs at the hinge of your jaw. Jeongguk tilts your head back and looks ethereal in the amber glow of the streetlights.

He says, “We shouldn’t,” and you nod, because you know and the anguish on his face is surely mirrored on yours, but when he follows it with, “let me take you home, let me take care of you,” you find it impossible to care.

You nod.

Everything is amber.

Eight months is a long time to go without the way Jeongguk kisses you: intentionally, demandingly, insatiably. He still tastes the same. Tastes like the first time you’d ever dared to kiss him, back at that party freshman year, tongue flavored with cheap liquor. Jeongguk tastes forbidden and feels like coming home.

You couldn’t say how you make it to Jeongguk’s apartment, but the way you stumble over the threshold feels familiar. The way the door is barely locked when Jeongguk crowds your space; picks you up, wraps your legs around his waist, presses you against it, hips moving on their own accord, rutting, all those little sounds spilling from his lips—everything is familiar. This is not just a practiced song and dance but something memorized. Something instinctual. You could be apart from Jeongguk for years instead of months and your body would still know what to do.

He carries you to his bedroom and you don’t think about who else has been between his sheets, because he puts you down so gently. Kisses your lips, your jaw, your neck—all gentle, powder-soft. Sounds like spring when you paw at the velvety cashmere of his sweater, pull it over his head, and he sighs. Feels like he’s breathing fresh life into something he shouldn’t, something long dead, but then you skim along his warm skin and your world is reduced to the way it feels like silk beneath your fingertips.

“I still love you,” Jeongguk whispers against your mouth, his inked fingers toying with the button on your jeans. Pops it open, pulls the denim down your thighs. Doesn’t bother pulling them off, only goes as far as your knees. And it’s uncomfortable, the way it’s bunched there, but the way Jeongguk says, “Fuck, missed you so much,” is so sweet.

Everything happens too fast.

Jeongguk leaves your shirt on. Drags it up and over your breasts and kisses at the newly-exposed skin. Sinks his teeth in, lets it hurt for a second before he laves over the marks. Settles between your legs and coaxes an orgasm out of you with his mouth and his fingers. Speaks his praise into the juncture of your thigh, breathless as he touches himself, strokes his cock with the wetness lingering on his fingers. Looks so, so pretty when he sits back on his haunches and says, “Just wanna look at you,” and makes it sound wistful and longing.

Makes it sound like it means something.

He’s still touching himself, still slicking himself up. There’s a split second where he goes to move and thinks better of it. Looks to the side before looking back at you. The storm kicks up again. “Have—” he begins before he swallows thickly. Dares to look hopeful, even through the squall. “Have you been with anyone else? Since…?”

You haven’t. Tried to, once—another stupid party, more cheap liquor passed to your mouth from someone else’s, but it hadn’t gone anywhere. They hadn’t tasted like Jeongguk; hadn’t felt the same. Two puzzle pieces that fit together all wrong.

Jeongguk has, though. Something you’d heard from a friend of a friend that you weren’t meant to. They’d called it a rebound, and it had bloomed so many ugly thoughts in your head. Five months had passed. Jeongguk was fucking someone else in his bed while you were in yours, torturing yourself over whether or not to tell him happy birthday. Whether it was allowed to or not, it’d stung.

(You had. You’d reworded the text a million times, plucked up all the courage you could find before you sent it. It’d gone unanswered, just like you expected it would, and you thought it was because Jeongguk didn’t want to talk to you. Thought you were digging your fingers into wounds that had yet to heal, so it’d stung but you understood.

But Jeongguk hadn’t answered because he was fucking someone else. Had someone else’s taste on his tongue; was panting someone else’s name into the dark. The embarrassment had been the worst part.)

Still does, if you’re being honest with yourself, so you lie. “I—yeah,” you answer. “Just one.”

Looks like it stings Jeongguk, too. “Right,” he responds, blinking back tears, and he’s got a lot of nerve, you think. “Yeah, okay, I’ll just—a condom. Are you…”

“Jeongguk—”

“Are you sure? Maybe this isn’t…” He huffs. Drops the condom on the bed, hangs his head. “What are we doing?”

You stare up at the ceiling. Nothing up there but the swirls in the plaster. “I don’t know,” you admit. “Hurting each other, probably.”

Jeongguk walks his fingers down your thigh. Grips at your skin, wants it to bruise. Wants you to have something to remember him by come morning. “Sometimes I’m really mad at you, you know?”

“Yeah, trust me, I know.”

He nods. Refuses to look you in the eye now that you’re watching him. “I still love you so fucking much and I’m still so angry. What am I supposed to do with that? What am I… fuck, I thought I was over it. I thought I’d see you and not feel a fucking thing.” There’s fresh ink on the back of his left hand. You hadn’t noticed it earlier, but you notice it now, when he runs his hands down his face.

You also notice the way the atmosphere shifts, the split second in which his heartache bleeds into something else—resolve, maybe. Obstinacy. Like he knows how this is going to end and he’s going to do it anyway. He’s going to find the most painful part and press on it, dig his fingers in, and it’s just an inevitable, foregone thing. Something he can prevent and something he’s choosing not to.

“You fucked someone else,” he sneers. Rips the foil open with his teeth, flashing too white in the dark of his bedroom. Rolls the condom on like it’s an inconvenience. Like you’re an inconvenience. “Was it good? Was it worth it?”

You roll your eyes. Feel the way your breath catches in your throat, because you’re not going to cry. Jeongguk fucked someone else and is vilifying you and it’s hypocritical and ugly and unfair, but you’re not going to cry over it. You’re going to press the gas pedal as far as it can go, say, “Yeah, it was,” and find some wicked delight in the way his eyes squeeze shut, as if it can spare him from the pain.

The two of you used to love each other. Jeongguk used to smile down at you when you were naked beneath him like this. Used to lean in close and whisper that he loved you just as he pushed inside even though you knew, you could feel it in everything he did. Now, there’s no smile. Now, he leans down and spits on your pussy and pushes inside and doesn’t tell you a goddamn thing.

Not with words, anyway.

Because the way he fucks you says it all. Impersonal, desperate, bitter. He grips your hips and fucks into you frenzied and fast. Takes your hand and puts it on your clit and tells you to get yourself off. An inconvenience. Tells you he misses your tight cunt, tells you he misses the way it milks his cock, tells you he misses watching the way you come undone underneath him, but he doesn’t tell you he misses you.

There’s a moment, just after he spills into the condom and stays inside, just catching his breath, when you think he might say it. Might tell you he loves you around the lump in his throat, might apologize, might ask if you two can’t figure it out.

There’s only a moment.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. Lets the moment pass. Pulls out and ties off the condom and wordlessly gets up to throw it away. It’s the silence that pisses you off. The disregard. Jeongguk hates you for something you’d lied about doing that he’d done for real, so you can be wordless, too. You can treat him like an inconvenient, cheap fuck, too. You can get up and find your clothes and pull them on and let him watch, words biting at the back of his teeth, and you can tell yourself to feel nothing.

You can say, “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve,” and not shy away from the resentment in your voice, because it’s properly placed. “You fucked someone else, too, so you’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, Jeongguk.”

Eight months is a long time to miss someone, to play at daydreams. To think of all the things you want to say, the things you’ll do. In not one of them did you think about this: you, fully dressed and stinking of sex, saying, “It’s late. I’ll show myself out.”

Jeongguk, tears glistening on his cheeks, saying, “No, let me—baby, I’m sorry, please—I’ll drive you.”

A shake of your head. Jeongguk doesn’t push it.

Roll credits.

[ the second. ] Jimin wants to talk your ear off about it—the girl you’re seeing.

It’s new and there isn’t much to say. You tell him the two of you met at one of the student showcases put on by the art department and leave off the part about all of Jeongguk’s old friends being there, that he would’ve participated, too, if he hadn’t dropped out after you broke his heart. Leave off the part where you would’ve been there to support him instead, in another life. Leave off the part where it’d just been morbid curiosity: you, not an art student, wandering those halls to see if Jeongguk’s photographs were still framed on the wall.

“Is she nice?” Jimin asks, head nearly knocking into yours as someone shoves by him. “Fucking asshole.”

You nod. “Why would I date someone that wasn’t nice?”

Jimin, perpetually unbothered until he decidedly isn’t, sends you a look that he hides behind the rim of his cup. “Because you’re in your self-destruction era and aren’t thinking clearly.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Exactly what I said. You know I’m happy if you’re happy, but…” He pauses as he trails off. Tries to wrap his words in something delicate. “It’s pretty clear you still aren’t over it. That’s all.”

You snort. “That’s all?” you repeat, like it’s some small thing. Like it’s normal and fine.

“I’m sure it’s easier to pretend when the two of you are thousands of miles apart,” Jimin amends, and he must see how you bristle, stung by the callout, because his eyes soften. “Tell me about her.”

She’s beautiful and kind and smart. Smokes clove cigarettes and the smell is always clinging to her skin. You know how to make her come but don’t know what she’s majoring in—fashion, you think, because she’s always holding fabric swatches against your skin. Tells you what suits you and what doesn’t. Tells you which textures don’t work, what’s too warm, and she doesn’t need to tell you what’s too cold because you already know it’s you.

She’s beautiful and kind and smart and has no idea you’re still in love with someone else.

But you can’t tell Jimin that, can you? Can’t tell him about how she’d dragged you to a private corner in the gallery and kissed you breathless; the way she made you come on her fingers; the way Jeongguk’s name nearly slipped out of your mouth as you shook. Can’t tell him that she’s got arms full of art. Delicate patchwork; nothing like the harsh, bold colors inked into Jeongguk’s skin, but it feels the same to trace the lines.

You can’t tell him much of anything, so what you settle on is, “She’s nice—good for me,” and it doesn’t sound convincing to either of you.

Jimin doesn’t call you on it, though. Not again. Instead, he keeps his gaze steady, staring into the fire, the flames dancing wildly when you meet his eye. “You need to be careful,” he says. “You’re going to hurt her, too. Maybe worse than you hurt him.”

“Jimin—”

“Just be careful,” he reiterates, and all you can do is nod. What else is there to do besides wait for the inevitable crash and burn?

And it’s a little unfair, you think, that Taehyung grows older every single year. A little unfair that guilt won’t let you decline the invitations. A little unfair that you can still pick Jeongguk’s laughter out of a crowd. A little unfair that these hometown friends-turned-acquaintances still throw sideways glances whenever someone else touches him, as if he still has someone to answer to; as if they’re expecting something.

An hour. You’ve survived an hour longer than you did last year, and it’s not much but you’re still proud of yourself. You’ve had a drink, talked to someone other than Jimin. Managed to ignore the way Jeongguk is ignoring you; the way he immediately leaves a room as soon as you enter.  Maybe it’s better like this, you reckon. Maybe it’s what you need.

An hour is long enough. Jimin doesn’t comment on the way your bones crack when you stand to leave. No one needs a reminder of growing older. He doesn’t ask if you’ll be okay, either; if you need a ride home. Instead, he stays quiet as he studies you, clearly wondering if lightning strikes twice. If you’re going to be able to walk past Jeongguk and out the door without making another mistake.

You can at least make it across Taehyung’s sprawling yard and to the house. You can dodge the sweat-slick bodies and the girls sitting in laps. You can toss your empty cup in an overflowing trash can. You can pretend the eyes on your back are well-intentioned.

You can make it to the bathroom.

Annoying, the way your phone has been vibrating all night only to disappoint you. Irrational. You scroll past the emoji-laden messages, the coy flirting, because they’re from the person you’re actually dating—the person you told you were going to sleep early—and not from Jeongguk. You should feel guilty. You should feel guilty, but the face staring back at you in the mirror doesn’t look guilty at all.

She looks tired. A little beat-down, but that’s life.

Maybe that’s just what happens when you’ve spent the last two years of your life chasing after ghosts.

A knock at the door startles you. Sends your phone tumbling to the floor, screen probably cracked to hell, and you swear under your breath. “Just a minute!” you call out, a little stunned from how threadbare you feel all of a sudden.

Still, the knocking continues, and you’re on your knees on this bathroom floor and all you want to do is cry. You don’t want to be on this floor in this house. You don’t want to keep putting in the effort of maintaining the facades of all these friendships. You don’t want to keep coming back to this town, don’t want to keep being confronted with the harsh reality of all your mistakes.

“Just a fucking min—”

The words die on your tongue, because there Jeongguk stands, all the air in your lungs dissipating at the amount of space he takes up. Even worse when he steps inside and locks the door behind him. You feel like you’re going to drown. You feel like you’re going to scream or cry or both, and you’re still on the floor, still on your knees, and it feels too much like penance when you look up at him. Feels like you’re groveling, praying for forgiveness.

You stand quickly, ignoring the rush of blood to your head, the way your legs tingle. Jeongguk still hasn’t said a word, doesn’t seem like that’s going to change, either, and it’s really all you can do to stay on your feet when everything in you is screaming to collapse.

Eventually, he says, “You’re seeing someone,” and it isn’t a question, not really, but it borders on one. It’s a question and a confirmation and somehow sounds a lot like he’s asking for permission for something.

“I—yeah.” You swallow. “It’s new.”

He hums. Steps a little closer. Leans against the sink. Darts out his tongue to swipe at his bottom lip before he tugs his lip ring between his teeth. “Yeah? Does he treat you well?”

“She,” you correct, and there’s a flash of something in his eyes. Surprise, maybe. Jeongguk, at one point, had known everything about you, but not this. “And yeah,” you add on, barely a whisper, “she does.”

Part of you feels embarrassed. Jeongguk had known everything about you but not this, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or guilty but it still sits there in the middle of your chest. Feels like you’ve been keeping secrets. Feels like shame, even though you aren’t ashamed. Feels like you’re awaiting judgment. But the surprise in Jeongguk’s eyes disappears and something else settles in its place—uncertainty, if you had to guess.

“Are you happy with her?”

You shrug. “Like I said, it’s new.”

And Jeongguk is as emulous as ever, because he asks, “Does it feel like what we had?” and you already know the answer is no.

“I’m not sure anything will.”

It’s honest; you hadn’t said it to appease him, but he looks pleased anyway. You’re starting to understand why so many people write about their first love. Why it’s such a powerful role to fill. Because you and Jeongguk are standing in a bathroom behind a locked door, feet apart from one another, and you think, I don’t think there’s anyone I will ever love more than him even though it’s been two years. You think, I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this.

You think, I would try over and over and over again if he asked me to.

Later on, when you’re alone in your childhood bed and your face is streaked with tears, only your shame and guilt for company, you won’t be able to figure out who moved first, but one of you had.

Once upon a time, you had known everything about Jeongguk, too. You could recite his taste from memory, but it’s different this time. He licks into your mouth and it tastes like ash—nothing like the clove cigarettes your girlfriend smokes, but close enough that the parallel burns like acid in your throat. It’s close enough that you can keep your eyes shut and pretend again.

This time there’s no softness to be found. There’s just Jeongguk’s mouth pressed to yours, barely letting you breathe, not wanting anyone to hear. There’s just the sink digging into your back. Jeongguk’s hands gripping at your waist, pulling at the hem of your skirt. There’s the frustration and desperation of two people who love each other but will never, ever get it right.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as he spits into his hand and slicks you up, if you’re going to tell her.

There’s you, already too far gone, saying you don’t know.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as you’re clenching around him and dragging him with you to the edge, if you’d come back to him if he asked you to.

There’s you, already knowing the answer to this, too, saying you would.

But this isn’t that and Jeongguk doesn’t ask. When it’s over, he tosses the condom and does a half-assed job of helping you clean up and he doesn’t ask. He splashes water on his face and fixes his hair and he doesn’t ask. He tucks his cock back into his briefs and zips his jeans and he doesn’t ask.

Jeongguk has one hand on the doorknob and he doesn’t ask you to come back. Instead, he asks, “How long are you gonna keep doing this?”

For once, you don’t have an answer.

[ the third. ] You go even farther away for grad school.

You try to put more distance between you and Jeongguk, more distance between you and all the skeletons in your closet, but you just pack them up in different boxes and bring them with you.

You spend New Year’s Eve chain-smoking in your parents’ back yard—that same brand of clove cigarettes, because hearts are easy to break but some habits are not. Sometimes it’s a comfort to hurt yourself in the same way you hurt others, so you chain-smoke and you don’t go to to Taehyung’s birthday party because you weren’t invited and it doesn’t sting in the same way that it doesn’t sting that Jimin doesn’t call you once you’re home because he hasn’t spoken to you in a year.

The clock ticks down to midnight. Someone sets off fireworks. Absolutely nothing changes.

There are no half-baked resolutions. There’s no hope that this is going to be the year you get your shit together. There’s just you and the bed you’ve made for yourself; the autopilot you can’t—won’t—turn off, because you don’t know where you’re going anyway so you might as well just go wherever it’s taking you. There’s guilt and there’s shame and there’s baggage, but they’re all old friends. Those are old scars.

The sweatshirt you’re wearing doesn’t belong to you, and it does little to protect you from the bitter cold that bites at your skin. Jeongguk doesn’t belong to you, either, but he keeps coming back to you like he does.

“Mind if I sit down?”

You shrug, gesturing to the empty chair beside you. The small fire you’d built is down to its last embers, and it’s what you focus on, because you can’t focus on Jeongguk anymore.

“You weren’t at Tae’s.”

“Wasn’t invited.”

“Oh,” he breathes. “Sorry, I didn’t know. I would’ve—”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t have gone anyway.”

He seems to hear what you don’t say. I wouldn’t have gone because I can’t be around you anymore. I wouldn’t have gone because I don’t trust myself with you. I wouldn’t have gone because I’ve burned down every good thing in my life trying to keep you. “Oh. Yeah, that—that makes sense.”

He’d texted you. Asked if he could see you. Just wanted to talk, and you’ve never cared much for symbolism, but nearing midnight on New Year’s Eve had seemed as good a time as any to let it go, so you’d said yes. Now, when there isn’t much to say, all of Jeongguk’s flimsy excuses are laid bare. Transparent.

“Was Jimin there?”

Jeongguk nods. “You didn’t know?”

You shake your head. Feels like it’s made of concrete. “No. We haven’t talked since last winter break.”

“Because of—”

How cruel, that you’d confessed to Jimin instead of the one person who deserved to know. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

You shrug again. “It’s okay. I don’t think it’s permanent, just until I can get my shit together, I guess. Wasn’t fair to drag him into my mess anyway.”

“It’s not that easy,” Jeongguk says, and it sounds like something he wants to be true. It sounds like something he’s said countless times in defense of himself. “We’d—I’d do it if I could.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “of course.”

Silence creeps up again, so you dig another cigarette out of the pack and offer one to Jeongguk that he waves away. “Cloves? That’s a weird choice.”

“Just something I picked up along the way.”

He hears you again: They’re what she used to smoke. It helps me heal to hurt myself with something that reminds me of her. Sometimes I chain-smoke clove cigarettes and I don’t wash the smell from my hands, my clothes, my hair, because it makes me feel less alone.

So he asks, “Was it real?”

“Doesn’t matter,” you answer, flicking the wheel of your lighter, words spoken around the cigarette stuck between your lips. “It never had a chance. Not a real one, anyway.”

“Do your parents know?”

“Know what? That I went away to college and started fucking women?” Jeongguk shrugs. Has the audacity to look embarrassed. “What are you trying to ask me? You wanna know if I keep coming back to you because I’m scared to come out to my parents?”

“No. I don’t know. I just—”

The laugh that escapes you is scorched and bitter. Sounds the way the tobacco tastes. “No, Jeongguk. I keep coming back to you because I keep hoping you’ll ask me to.” I keep hoping you still want me.

“I almost did,” he admits, and you can hear how he swallows around the lump in his throat. “The first time.”

“When you were a dick about me sleeping with someone else? Yeah, okay. You didn’t want me back, you just didn’t want me to be with anyone else.”

He huffs. “How the fuck do you know what I want? You’ve never bothered to ask.”

“Because it doesn’t matter,” comes your response, stilted and practiced. “It doesn’t matter what we want, because we’re just going to keep hurting one another trying to get it right.” You suck in a breath, wipe furiously at the tears on your cheeks. “And we’re never going to.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Then ask.” Jeongguk startles, looks at you with wide eyes. “Ask me to come back for real, Jeongguk, and I will.”

A beat of silence.

Two, three, four.

Someone sets off another round of fireworks. A dog barks. It’s so cold that you can see Jeongguk’s breath each time he exhales, each time he breathes out instead of speaking. All the words he isn’t saying. And it’s exactly how you knew it would go, but it does nothing to tamp down the devastation in your chest.

You’d confessed your transgressions to Jimin and thought your silence to your ex-girlfriend was a gift, that it was sparing her the pain of what you’d done. Now you understand that someone’s silence can be the most vicious thing of all.

[ the last. ] Graduation looms. It’s the last winter break you’re spending at home.

Your therapist suspects you get your compartmentalism from your parents.

They don’t mention it. They see the stack of boxes and your bare bedroom walls and they don’t say a word about any of it. They watch you pack everything in your car and don’t offer to help. They process their grief silently, and when you can’t stand it anymore, you say, “I dated a woman my senior year of undergrad, you know.”

They don’t say anything to that, either, but it feels good to tell them. Feels a little like freedom and reclamation, like you can be who you are in front of others.

When you leave for good, you don’t want to repackage all those same skeletons.

So you meet Jimin for lunch and you take it in stride that everything is weird, that there’s nearly two years of silence to fill. You don’t ask for forgiveness and he doesn’t demand it of you, just asks if you’re doing better. “I’m doing the best I can,” you answer, and it’s human and honest enough that he accepts it with a warm smile.

Jeongguk is more difficult.

There’s no way to neatly box up that kind of baggage.

You’d intended to stop by his apartment to talk, tell him you aren’t coming back anymore. There’s nothing left here for you, you’d told him, and there was a flash of something. A there’s me, isn’t there? that had gone unsaid, destined for the same fate as a million other unspoken words between you.

Because there is him, but there’s also the way you’re desperately trying to claw back into something resembling normalcy. You’d lost yourself when you also lost Jeongguk, and you need to figure out who you are without him. You need to know who you are once you stop running and let your demons catch up with you. You need to hear what they have to say.

Maybe Jeongguk had said it best last year—“It’s not that easy. I’d do it if I could.”—because you’re nothing if not predictable and self-destructive.

You’re nothing if not naked and on your back beneath him, your fingers threaded through his hair as he rocks his hips into you, more tender than you deserve. His lips are ghosting along your skin and every press feels like a brand. Feels like he’s both making a mockery of you and declaring you ruined for anyone who might come after him. Feels like you’ll love him until you die.

(Some version of you must exist outside of Jeongguk’s grasp—outside of his orbit, his bed—but right now, as he twines your fingers together and pins them above your head, you can’t figure out who she might be.)

Eight months had been a long time to think of all the things you wanted to say, and four years is worse. Four years, and you still can’t bring yourself to ask him to try again, but there’s nothing after this, nothing to lose, so your voice is hoarse and raw when you say, “Jeongguk,” and he groans a little, nips at the column of your throat because he loves the way you say his name. “Jeongguk,” you repeat, because he senses the urgency, hears what you aren’t saying.

“Yeah, baby, say it. Whatever it is, tell me.”

He rolls his hips faster. Before, he would’ve tried to prolong the ending, but he’s hurtling towards it now. There’s nothing after this, you know, but you need the confirmation. You need to finally put all of this to rest. “I want to—” His cock strokes someplace that whites out your vision. “Fuck, want to—want you to come with me.”

He laughs, full of himself, probably smirking out the side of his mouth. “Keep squeezing me like that and I will soon.”

“No,” you insist, shocked at the conviction in your voice, “when I leave. Come with me.”

Everything slows. Jeongguk pulls back, moves his hands to cover himself, and there’s nothing but cold confusion in his absence. “What?”

“I didn’t ask you before. Last year. I just—I left it up to you, and you’re right, I didn’t ask what you wanted, but I didn’t tell you what I wanted, either. But I’m telling you now. I’m asking—”

There was never going to be anything after this.

Jeongguk’s silence says it all.

The way he pulls out and rolls you onto your stomach. The way he fucks as fast and as hard as he can. The way he used to love you openly and honestly and now holds whatever’s left close to his chest like it’s something to be ashamed of.

Someone’s silence can always be the most vicious thing of all.

Roll credits.

thank you so much for reading, and an additional thank you in advance if you decide to reblog my work. as always, my inbox is always open for any feedback! ♡

[sanjisboyfie]

one piece smau: married to robin edition

— kinda implied that robin is some "celebrity" but i kind of just enviosioned her just being a really successful writer or smth LOL

— male reader ! ! !

liked by nico.robin, nrs.husband, and 12k others

uso_pp: bro is definitely a mama's boy

tagged: nico.robin and nrs.husband

nrs.husband: well i call her mommy in bed anyway so it checks out

-> uso_pp: DEAR GOD.

dni_nami: they're both so whipped for each other, true love is real igggg

[liked by nico.robin, nrs.husband, and 90 others]

freeluffy: is it normal to be this clingy with your girlfriend...[name]'s behavior seems concerning guys ://

-> roro.zoro: it kills me how serious u seem about this

princesanji: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEE

liked by nrs.husband, dni_nami, and 30k others

nico.robin: my husband is so thoughtful - he's never forgotten to give me floewrs whenver my older ones die <3

tagged: nrs.husband

nrs.husband: if my baby loves flowers IMMA GET HER FLOWERS

-> nico.robin: and i'll treasure them each time my love

princesanji: robin, i too, remember that you love flowers - do you love me now :3?

SUPERCOLA: i thought im the ways of being a SUPPPERRR husband well

-> nrs.husband: SUPPPPEERRRR

dni_nami: were these from your garden?

-> nico.robin: yes :) he has been tending to them ever since he planted them for me so now that they're grown, he made them into a bouqet

[liked nrs.husband, roro.zoro, and 100 others]

-> dni_nami: UGH I DONT KNOW WHY I BOTHER ASKING it's too cute i might kill MYSELF

liked by nico.robin, princesanji, and 20k others

nrs.husband: before and after the event, so proud of my beautiful girl

tagged: nico.robin

nico.robin: your support means the world to me <3 i love you so much

-> nrs.husband: if you have 1000 fans, i'm one of them. if you have 100 fans, i'm one of them. if you have 10 fans, i'm one of them. if there are no more fans of nico robin in the world, then i'm dead. i love you so sososososo much more my love

uso_pp: someone check up on sanji-

-> roro.zoro: i just heard a thump from the room over, i'm gonna assume he just fell to his knees

skullnsoul: such an elegant couple - YOUNG LOVE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

-> nrs.husband: brook you're like ten years older pls ur not an old man yet LMFAO

-> nico.robin: thank you brook :)

liked by nrs.husband, dni_nami, and 20k others

nico.robin: my favorite place in the world is his arms

tagged: nrs.husband

nrs.husband: i'll start crying right now.

nrs.husband: I DONT DESERVE YOU UGH

uso_pp: photo creds robin?? cmon now my work aint free

princesanji: what did [name] do in a past life to deserve a goddess such as yourself, robin-chan?

-> nico.robin: sanji you need to move on <3

[liked by roro.zoro, dni_nami, and 400 others]

freeluffy: mama y papa :DDDD

-> nrs.husband: LUFFY LMFAOOAA

liked by uso_pp, nrs.husband, nico.robin, and 11k others

dni_nami: the one time we get to see robin and he's hogging all her attention....wtf

tagged: nico.robin and nrs.husband

nico.robin: dw nami i reserved us a girls day at the nearby resort <3

-> dni_nami: mommy? sorry, mommy? mommy? sorry...mommy??

-> nrs.husband: hello????

uso_pp: as if he doesn't get to spend eveyr waking second with her like cmon bruh

-> nrs.husband: my BADD for loving my wife jfc i cant win w u guys

nrs.husband: omg send me this photo she looks so cute here hehehe

-> dni_nami: stfu.

nrs.husband's story:

i love lovelovelovelove my beautiful wife. everyone is just jealous she's mine <333

nico.robin replied to your story: i wondered why nami just texted me she hated you — you're very cute with this story, [name]. i love you too and am glad that i can call you mine as well <333

[ai-megurine]

HOTD S2 episode 2 "Rhaenyra the Cruel" reaction

• This OST! Djamin Rawadi is a god

• Can we appreciate Aegon's friends? Staying with him despite the state of madness he's in and closing the door to make sure he has some privacy

• oh so that shot of Aemond was him realising that he was the target!!!!

• I'm sorry I'm not that sympathetic to Alicent's tears? I just wish we could see more of Helaena grieving. I love the dress though

• ALICENT B&C IS NOT ABOUT YOU

• Otto shut up.

• Get Tom an Emmy, an Oscar and every single award in the world. His "what?" of disbelief to Otto stuck with me, dunno why

• In love with Larys' entrance. No one notices him until he speaks, he's in the background. Perfectly suits him

• "Bitch Queen of bastards" lmfao

• Love that the Council is shutting up and just letting Aegon rant. They're all scared of him in a way

• Who knew I'd ever be happy to see Larys?

• "I'll kill him myself" feed him to Sunfyre pls. Or Shrykos

• Aegon losing it every time Otto speaks is such a mood

• Jasper Wylde has a lign! Who knew.

• "We know our enemy!" with the little hand thingy was funny, I'm sorry

• Tyland!!

• "you're already seen as weak" oh fuck you Otto

• Why would anyone think that Rhaenys committing mass murder means Rhaenyra should be Queen???

• Aegon "my little son's body" broke me.

• Alicent calling Aegon "my darling" was sweeter than I thought.

• oh so Helaena can be a spectacle but not you??

• HELAENA MY LOVE

• LET ME HUG YOU

• DAEMON WHEN I CATCH YOU

• BALERION HIMSELF COULDN'T PROTECT YOU

• Oh my lord she's holding Jaehaerys' clothes 😭😭😭

• She's grief personified I can't breathe

• Phia is an angel

• THE TEAR ON HER CHEEK

• AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH the "I don't want them closer I don't know them" breaks me. She's my angel, I will fight the world for you

• ALICENT WHO CARES YOU'RE BANGING COLE. IT HASN'T BEEN 24 HOURS SINCE JAEHAERYS DIED

• "This is for my boy" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

• The toy horse 😭😭😭😭

• The music is so good

• (when did they have the time to make all the uniforms and banners??? Sewing ladies have been doing overtime)

• Blood IMMEDIATELY giving up all the information was low-key funny but it really showcases who he is. A big bully who uses his strength to hurt people weaker than hip (women and children) but the second he's caught? He folds like a coward.

• Lmfao Larys' face. Even he was like "damn dude I didn't even start"

• Who the fuck is the herald? I thought Otto would be the one doing this

• OH MY GOD THEY SEWED THE HEAD BACK?????

• ANGEL, BABY, I LOVE YOU

• DAEMON I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF

• The little circlet on his bead 😭😭😭😭

• why barn owls on the shroud? I mean it's Helaena and she's flawless so I like it anyway

• So the death of Jaehaerys has FINALLY been acknowledged as kinslaying as well

• Blood's face when he understands that Aegon is coming and that it's going to be painful

• Noooooo, I wanted more pain for Blood

• Oh no my girl being so overwhelmed. She's in pain 😭😭😭

• Oh Rhaenyra's reaction to B&C

• I mean why wouldn't they accuse you? Like? Bestie? Who would it profit to kill Aegon's heir?

• Is Daemon actually smirking???? This man istg

• Rhaenys immediately knew, this woman is too good for these people

• Rhaenyra's realisation

• "Killing it"??? IT???? WOMAN.

• DON'T YOU FUCKING LAUGH. If you felt any ounce of remorse, you would be screaming in rage about it

• "you have wounded me" BESTIE A CHILD DIED WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STANDING

• JFC the way she reacted when he broke that glass!!! She's obviously scared, it's definitely not the first time.

• Emma the actor that you are. Rhaenyra looks ready to rip Daemon's head with her bare teeth (which she should do, it would be iconic)

• You are a monster dude

• Oooh that silence

• "because of your virtue" hshshsjsj

• Bestie Viserys named Rhaenyra heir out of grief and guilt

• "You're pathetic" is so iconic, love it

• Baela exists! That coat is atrocious though

• So no risking Jace but Baela is fair game huh? Bitch (and I don't even like Baela). Good scene though

• Behold, Daemon runs away from his family

• HELAENA STILL DOESN'T HAVE A GUARD???? WHAT???? AEGON HAS TWO HE COULD SPARE ONE

• Oh god her and Aegon. Grieving, broken, but unable to connect. I feel like she wanted to reach out in the stairs, but he runs away because he's on the verge of breaking down and be can't have that in public.

• The nodding???

• NOOO THE BED

• I mean, I know it's better but

• Oh god the mattress covered in blood

• The juxtaposition with Rhaenyra being with her son is heartbreaking. The way she realises that this is what Helaena lost, that Jaehaerys was that age

• ALICENT STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU BANGING COLE NO ONE CARES

• Also Cole should be guarding Helaena and Jaehaera

• The religious trauma of consensual sex

• I wished the Alicole storyline would take less screen though, I mean good for them but that mess of a relationship shouldn't overshadow Helaegon's doomism and greek tragedy right now

• Cole needs to stop beefing with the rest of the world, Arryk isn't responsible for it

• Love Arryk for calling out Cole

• LMFAO THE OTHER KINGSUARDS NOPPING OUT. Valid ngl

• YOU'RE MAD SER. Love him

• Cole's hypocrisy is a delight. He's a terrible person, but he's so interesting

• Why don't they use poison though

• Laenor being mentioned? Neat. Him teaching the boys about fishing and Sea Shanty is pretty fun

• Damn that scene is actually good!! A shame I couldn't care less about Baela and Rhaena

• Oh so that's the famous brothel scene?

• Aemond's mummy issues on fill display 🙏🏻

• I love the relationship between him and the madame ngl. Like I know he pays her for it but her gentleness with him seems to be at least partially genuine. Her facial expression when he doesn't look at her are pretty telling

• Hugh Hammer the return! Fuck if I care but hey, I'm not against them developing the Dragonseeds. I wish Nettles was around too. I guess Hugh will join TB after his family's death? Or he'll be a spy for TG? Dunno

• So we know Baela ends up with Alyn, and he looks so much bigger and older than her 😭 Like it makes sense but DAMN

• I genuinely cannot begin to care about Corlys to save my life

• WAIT RHAENYRA DIDN'T KNOW WHO MYSARIA WAS???? THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY

• Mysaria being a good character wasn't on my bingo card but I don't dislike it

• Seasmoke following Addam around like a lost puppy is so funny to me. Also his sounds are so cute. I guess Laenor died off screen?

• The focus on the smallfolk is great. It reminds me of Varys' quote about the smallfolk always being the one to suffers.

• Cheese didn't suffer enough and I wish that dog a very nice "find a better owner"

• "Oh, I had them hanged" is so fucking funny.

• Otto is right, though. Like, this was a terrible idea.

• Ooooh mentioning Jaehaerys was a dumb move. You should Aegon isn't going to be rational about it

• Aegon, you can show strength by, you know, USING YOUR DRAGON. Honestly a public execution of Blood would have been better

• Otto's "wtf" face is so funny. I love him. Tom and Rhys are carrying this entire episode. Phia too, but she's less present

• Otto, do you REALLY think Aegon gives a single fuck about Viserys???

• Otto being fired for upteenth time is so funny. This man files for unemployment every three weeks

• Otto's last act of defiance was great

• Yeah, Mysaria isn't exiting the show

• Oh, that's how she'll stay

• Elinda Massey exists!

• I'm glad they didn't make Rhaenyra fight Arryk like some believed. It makes much more sense for her to be genuinely scared for her life. Like, Arryk is a grown ass man in armour and literally one of the best knights of his time

• They deserved better

• Otto unknowingly dissing his daughter's bf right in front of her was peak irony.

• "Petty revenge"? A FOUR YEAR OLD CHILD WAS DECAPITATED

• FUCK YOU ALICENT. Your son isn't "valuable", he's YOUR SON

• DAERON MENTION!!!!!!!! VICTORY!!!!!!!!

• The generational trauma of zero communication 🙏🏻

• Aegon sobbing and breaking down

• Nooooooooooo

• My love

• Let me hug you

• He's so beautiful

• A fallen angel

• CRISTON LEGIT SITTING ON HER BED WAS SO FUNNY LIKE WHAT

• HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WAITING

• ALSO WHO IS GUARDING HELAENA

Conclusion :

Tom is a god, Phia is an angel, I will start a cult for Ramin Djawadi. The acting in general was top notch, but Tom and Phia have ascended to god-like.

Helaegon's doomism and Greek tragedy will be my death, I love them your honour.

The focus on the smallfolk was very good, and I hope they do it for both sides.

[betryl]

Hampden College dashboard simulator

(credit to @barnbridges too for some of the ideas :))

🧣 françois-abernathy follow

🥃 mcaulay-ch follow

@ richard-papen ?

📚 richard-papen follow

???

📚 richard-papen follow

no.

📚 richard-papen follow

who DOES keep voting yes????

📚 richard-papen follow

who even are you people reblogging this??????

#please stop.

351 notes

🐇 thebunster-deactivated follow

drew tihs

🥃 mcaulay-ch follow

this is really nice bun

👓 H-M-Winter follow

No, you did not draw this.

🐇 thebunster-deactivated follow

SHUT

🥃 mcaulay-ch follow

oh

🧣 françois-abernathy follow

HAHASJHASHJA

7 notes

💅 ritch-bitch-jpoovey follow

real talk what do you guys think is ACTUALLY going on at the lyceum atp cause like i've heard too much weird stuff about those freaks......

💅 ritch-bitch-jpoovey follow

not richard btw!! he's fine he's cool

🦌 mcaulay-cam follow

He still won't sleep with you anyways. Let it go. Get better soon 💕

💅 ritch-bitch-jpoovey follow

what do you and your creepy ass brother want from me OMG leave me ALONE

#i'm blocking ALL five of you jfc

120 notes

🌝 hampd3ncore follow

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS THAT MUTILATED FARMER THEY RANDOMLY FOUND IN THE WOODS IN NOVEMBER?? WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT IT ANYMORE?????

#like hello??? #that WASN'T normal #why isn't the police investigating...... #hampden #mystery #unsolved

666 notes

📰 The-Hampden-Examiner ☑️ follow

Edmund "Bunny" Corcoran — everything we know so far about the case of Hampden's missing youth:

https://www.thehampdenexaminer.com/disappearance-of-edmund-bunny-corcoran-1627125.html

🏫 student-council-president follow

‼️IMPORTANT!! STUDENTS OF HAMPDEN PLEASE REBLOG THIS!!!

🎀 bunnysbarnbridge follow

💔💔💔 Please guys help us find him...

👩🏻 dearest-sophie follow

^^^ reblog!!! i really hope he's fine... share if you know anything that might help!!

🚗 flipper follow

What have those greek guys got going on 😭 it's always them everytime something happens istg. let's hope they find him and all's well tho...

5.389 notes

🏛️ has-bunny-corcoran-been-found-yet follow

YES.

#04/14/1983 #THOUGHT IT WOULD TAKE LONGER OMG #it's not even been two weeks #this is crazy... #i can't believe he actually died #rest in peace #bunny corcoran #hampden #hampden college

2.473 notes

🏫 student-council-president follow

Guys they found Edmund Corcoran... He's dead...

🪞 stauralaura follow

HE'S DEAD????

🏫 student-council-president follow

The Examiner just confirmed it. They're saying it was an hiking accident. He went in the woods near college for a walk and fell down the ravine... It was a girl with her dog who found him the other day when the snow had melted and she called the police. Broken neck and everything...

🔍 truecrimeenjoyer63 follow

You still believe it was an hiking accident? lmao come on. There's clearly something else behind this. Not to mention NONE of his friends have ever spoken about it or anything. Ain't that suspicious for anyone else? They have to know something.

🏫 student-council-president follow

Stop using his death as an excuse to start fights and get clout omg... You people are horrible. Maybe let's not make assumptions on things we know nothing about and just be respectful towards him and the people grieving???? The police will take care of it it's literally not your business

⛓️ spik3yy follow

whatever he was awful tbh he deserved it

🏔️ mount-cataract follow

no he didn't?? what the hell? did you even know him

⛓️ spik3yy follow

you're all ridiculous he was an ass and you know it, no one could stand him and now everyone suddenly pretends to miss him just cause he's dead, be fr now 💀

🏫 student-council-president follow

If you think Bunny deserved what happened to him just block me. I'm so serious I don't want anything to do with you.

#i hate this school sometimes #if it was your family member or your friend you'd be devastated #maybe think about that before opening your mouths #bunny corcoran #justice for bunny #hampden #hampden college

3.749 notes

🚬 invisibilitycl0ke follow

stop spreadin shit aboyt bunny btw. he wsa NOT involved in drugs.

🚬 invisibilitycl0ke follow

ME NEITHER. jsut so were clear yk haha

🚬 invisibilitycl0ke follow

i swear

🚬 invisibilitycl0ke follow

listen to my pdocast

🔥 blazed 420 notes

🌝 hampd3ncore follow

THAT ONE HUGE GUY FROM THE GREEK CLASS SHOT HIMSELF??????????

🚗 flipper follow

?????? NO WAY IT'S THEM AGAIN

🏫 student-council-president follow

Yeah it's true... Chilling...

https://www.thehampdenexaminer.com/hampden-college-student-dead-by-suicide-3683920.html

🇺🇸 bornintheusa follow

Nah that place is cursed I tell you 😭 first that Corcoran guy they found in the ravine and now this... No wonder they shut the class down

✨ aesthetic-academic follow

they really did fuck around and find out with all that cult shit they were into 💀 bet they really got themselves some curse or something messing with dyonisus or the devil whatever it was 💀💀 crazy people. who cares the college is better off without them tbh they're creepy

🏫 student-council-president follow

Not the same discourse again... No one cares about your opinion on them. He died. TWO of them died. And you're here speculating on them and still treating the whole thing as a joke?? Gross.

🏔️ mount-cataract follow

no fr y'all did the same with bunny corcoran when he went missing and now you're doing it again... i don't care if you didn't like them i mean they were kind of weird but... at least just try to be a decent human being in front of an actual tragedy. all you people should be ashamed of yourselves.

🔍 truecrimeenjoyer63 follow

I CAN'T be the only one thinking there must be some kind of connection between these two events right????

#idk maybe i'm crazy but hear me out #just think about it #it's barely been a month since corcoran and now THIS happens?? #like yeah maybe he was just #depressed?? for corcoran???? and so he did that #idk #but it sounds REALLY weird to me #plus what was the whole fuss with julian morrow just #randomly leaving college out of nowhere?? #AND let's not forget mcree either like????? #WHAT IS HAPPENING #hampden #hampden college #bunny corcoran #henry winter

1.479 notes

[knife-eared-jan]

In case anyone is interested, this is the modding wishlist so far...

The bold ones are what I would very much like to try to have fun with myself, the others are a sobbing plea to the universe for someone to take pity on me bc I figured I probably lack the skills to make them myself.

They're roughly ordered by how desperate I am for them to exist.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

-Remove combat VFX (except mages & bombs reduced) -> sadly this doesn't seem to be part of the accessibility features which are otherwise great, but like, my autistic brain literally fries up with all the flashiness, I'll just meltdown 24/7. If you know how to do this, I would love you 5ever.

-Isabela outfit swap + darker skintone + age-up -> this is terrible in so many ways. Can't believe how they butchered my girl jfc I thought we were done with this type of shit??? (That was the spoiler I saw just now hooo my god). Also, let her be in her 50s pls!

-Morrigan outfit overhaul + hairstyle swap (to 36) -> Free her from the double boobs! Also, her actual hair is basically in the CC, why give her that millenial mum haircut? And again, let her be nearly 50.

-Qunari face texture edit -> needs no explanation, I bet it will be the most popular mod of the game forever

-Shadow Dragon PJ swap (mage outfit without shoulder pads?) -> it's PJs 2.0 and I don't like it. I guess that's why they gave Inky the same outfit, cause it just really looks like that. I got obsessed with this other one that is essentially the mage outfit sans the shoulder thing. I think that would make a great casual outfit.

-Inquisitor outfit overhaul/swap -> see explanation for the Shadow Dragon PJs. It makes perfect sense as a stand-in for the Inquisition PJs but then my Inkys are never actually subjected to them. Hope there is a Dalish outfit or otherwise a Veil Jumper one, that fits my Lavellan. It would also be fun to craft my own with pieces of different armors from Inquisition and Veilguard maybe.

-Inquisitor prosthetic replacement -> There's lots of different headcanons people have for theirs and it's sad there isn't a slider for different options. I don't even know yet what I'd like myself, but something a little more obviously a prosthetic I think. Or none at all maybe. Just, choices are cool.

-Mourn Watch Rogue armor retexture -> I am apparently the only person on this planet to feel this way, but I loathe the Mournwatch rogue armor - it just gives Joker. Like, I might like it in a TOTALLY different setting, but it does NOT give Thedas at all. Love the controversial mage one though, so I guess i'm just weird.

-Irelin hairstyle swap (to 64) -> to match the hairstyle she had in The Missing that fit her much better. Again, it's in the CC, why didn't they just use it?

-Solas face texture edit (no orange contour, bigger scar, more freckles?) -> look how orange you are, gurl! Like, I'll live without it, but I am bothered... I bet the creation of his scar comes up in the memories as well, so why is it so smoll.

-Solas retina change to more outer blue -> I get that he's cool and mysterious now, but I liked the blue a lot. just personal preference tho