#they'll be the death of me i think
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Míriel and Elendil in The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power s02e06 ‘Where Is He’
#tropedit#tolkienedit#tvedit#tvfilmsource#tvgifs#filmtvdaily#otpsource#trop season 2#trop spoilers#mirendil#miriel#tar miriel#elendil#elendil the tall#cynthia addai robinson#lloyd owen#rings of power#trop#mari's stuff#they'll be the death of me i think
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I just saw one of your fave games is What remains of Edith Finch and I’m so happy! I feel like its a lesser known game but i loved playing through it. I’m so happy to know more than just my small friend group know about this game!
Sorry this isn’t a question. Also want to say that you’re art is amazing and the development of the designs is so interesting to see. Also the way you draw intimate scenes have so much emotion to them. I love the Aj and rarity kissing comic so much, you can just feel their love for each other ;w;
Thank you so much!
I highly, highly, highly recommend What Remains of Edith Finch to anyone interested in narrative game experiences/"walking simulators." It's one of those games that was handcrafted with nothing but love. Every room you explore is just... real. The way the light flows in and makes the colors of the living room, the kitchen, the bedrooms glow. Playing the game is like walking through your childhood home as an adult and seeing how the dust clings to everything you once touched. Also genius-level gameplay mechanics, ones that can make you completely empathetic with the character you're embodying or feel completely complacent in their tragedy. It's really not fair to call it a walking simulator because it's so much more and so much smarter than that.Everyone talks about the fish one.
The theme of death and memory and storytelling and the burden of invisible trauma and self-fulfilling prophecies is so affecting too. The ending made me cry.
#detective-marshmallow#ask me#using this ask to seriously plug edith finch#and to talk about spoilers here#major major major spoilers#because i still think about walter. who saw something so awful and traumatic as a kid that he spend the next 40 years living right under hi#family. and everyone forgot about him#i think about the house. literally aching and creaking with the family's history of strange deaths#i think about sam. who had to grow up in an empty bedroom he once shared with his twin brother. and stare at the partitioned-off side#every single day#i think about edith. who knows she will have a child and knows she will die and continue the family curse but decides to live anyways#god edith didn't even make it to adulthood.#this game tears me up from the inside yet it's so full of love and fantasy and hope#it was honestly really helpful for my death anxiety.#don't fear death. one day you'll go. people will mourn. and then they'll tell stories about you.
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congrats on being alive bot. you truly were The Character Ever
#inanimate insanity#ii#ii bot#bot ii#clover ii#ii clover#vaguely ii neg but that's just me dunking on the bot plushie its not srs#mephone's dialogue is that one lois video. i was thinking about it because of pb getting out in the saem episode bot ocmes out#i can handle ONE nonbinary character but TWO... where's the cis rep here folks#< JOKE. JOKE. JOKE. JOKE. JOKE. JOKE#unrelated but what the hell happened to paintbrush. i was wathcing the new ii why have they just been softened down into wholesome-#-lightbrush bright lights shipbait slop. that's mean but like what the hell. they were killed and replaced i swear#apple and paintbrush [salute] you will be missed. cause of death ae shipbaiting#ii neg#< eh#it's not that serious but whatever. just in case#it's just too easy to pick on this show. low hanging fruit#cant wait for the new ii where bot learns that fan&test tube are dead and they're just like “HELL YES!!!!!!!!”#< no.. they'll force Le Fantube Family Angst into it somehow#wouldn't be killing bot's characterization because they have Literally None lol#most nothingburger character ever box was a deeper character
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So I know we all have ideas about how they'll portray Ed and Stede's First Time™ but while I don't think we'll see too much, I do actually think (hope? pray?) that we'll see each of them remove at least one (1) item of clothing from the other before it fades to black because The Symbolism of clothing on this show absolutely DEMANDS it.
These two dear, sweet idiots are both desperate, howling pits of self loathing, so the importance of symbolic nudity outweighs that of literal nudity by an almost incalculable margin here. Ed needed someone to tell him he wore fine things well, but they both need someone to show them that they wear nothing even better and that they're good enough for who they are in their very essence and because they're human beings who deserve good things.
I'm also gonna go out on a limb and say that since romance tropes also require it, we'll probably also get the whole illusion of full nudity/tangled up in the bed sheets morning after scene as well (contrasted with Lucius and Pete, who as much as I love them aren't The Show in the same way that DJ has literally said E&S are). And tbh that's the part I'm the MOST excited about, because tropes also tell us it will be the harbinger of casual intimacy afterwards and that's gonna be so healing for them both. Ed's already pretty handsy with people, but casual intimacy is gonna transform both of them in ways they (and we!) never expected and I'm gonna be so normal about it.
#you wear fine things well#but you wear nothing even better#david jenkins#I know you can hear me#ofmd meta#our flag means death#ofmd#edward teach#stede bonnet#ofmd s2#i guess?#gentlebeard#blackbonnet#edward x stede#inevitable love scene#maybe it will happen halfway through the season?#like the symbolic swordfight happened in season one?#depends when you think they'll reconcile#ofmd speculation#I just want my gay pirate dads to heal and thrive
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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I've seen ppl talking abt it on twitter and here and I wanted to sort of contribute my thoughts towards it,
Ppl aren't 'forgetting' about qTubbo's death. It's just that the situations of qBad and qTubbo's deaths, while they had the same outcome, were completely different for multiple factors.
(This isn't targeted at the ppl who think the death is being overlooked because that's their analysis and it's totally fair. It's just that people saying that got my analyst brain drawing comparisons between the deaths and I ended up with this big wall of text so...yeah :') )
1 - The build up (from outside POVs)
With qTubbo from most Povs he just sort of... died with no clear build up. Most ppl didn't see the true extent of his self spiralling because he hid it or they just simply didn't spend a lot of time with him in order to pick up on the stuff that we the viewers picked up on. And then all of a sudden he just died with no obvious lead up (unless you watch his pov in which case there was an obvious lead up) but from outsiders who barely saw him, it just happened.
Whereas
With qBad there was a more obvious build up on other Povs, he told the ppl he loved he was dying or at least they knew that something was wrong. They knew that his death was inevitable and as much as they hate to admit it a lot of them had already come to terms with the fact that he would be gone soon. (Again unless you watch his pov the whole build up from the past few months is less obvious but it was more developed with other players before his actual death) Most Povs at least recognised that there was something wrong with the blue spreading across his face because well...it was pretty fucking obvious
2 - The way they told people
qTubbos "I'm an egg, I only have one life left." while true sounds like a joke because well... he's obviously not actually an egg. Ppl joke abt stuff like that the whole time, the Eggboyhalo joke for example or calling Foolish 'egg coded' early in the server. How were all players meant to immediately go 'ah yes, this player is definitely an egg. Yesyes, this makes perfect sense'. It's easy to see how it wasn't taken seriously by a lot of characters when only a few of them were ever given an actual explanation besides "yeah I've only got one life"
Whereas
qBads "I'm fine, don't worry about me." while actively coughing up a lung, covered in blue infection and regularly having memory issues is an obvious lie. Even if people only saw him for a couple of minutes or even seconds it was pretty damn hard to ignore the blue spreading on his body. They'd ask what it was, he'd try to avoid it or redirect them and that person was hit with an immediate red flag of 'oh, so something is wrong with Bad.' which most shelved away and didn't actively investigate but it caused many characters to express being worried about him
3 - Outward visibility
qTubbo died due to his internal issues; self doubt, lack of self worth, suicidal tendencies, etc (I feel bad writing etc but I know there were other factors I just can't remember them) which resulted in him chosing to live using the life system and later chosing to gamble his last life in a game of Russian roulette with Richas.
(None of this being clearly outwardly visible to bystanders even if he wanted them to notice)
Whereas
qBad died due to external issues; parts of his soul physically leaking out of wounds on his body which caused his body to degenerate so far that even as an immortal he couldn't hold on and stop his corporeal body from just giving out on him and forcing him to reset.
(Which was very clearly outwardly visible despite how much he tried to hide it)
4 - The methods of their return
(Honestly I think this part is what's making ppl think that qTubbo's death is being 'ignored' compared to qBads)
With qTubbo, Creation told them that in order to 'restore' him they need smth that they CANNOT craft. Creation did not elaborate further, so they have very little to work with/very little they can actually do in order to try and help him. So most players while they have expressed they want to help, they know that if they do try to help they'll be running at brick walls because they just cannot obtain what is needed and they need to just wait for Creation to show up again.
Whereas
With qBad they know he'll be back (because he's a demon and that's just how they work) and they know what they have to do. They have to wait and be patient when he does return because he might not remember them and he'll probably need pictures to remember. He told them all of this before he died.
On one hand you have qTubbo: Wait for a prompt from Creation or an NPC to help them craft the item to get him back
On the other you have qBad: Wait for him to come back on his own terms
And for the people used to Bad providing a metaphorical example to prove his point in a clearer manner;
When playing a video game you have more hope when waiting for a loading wheel to stop spinning so you can play the level, than you do looking at a level blocked behind a currently unobtainable paywall :/
In other words, dwelling on things you don't know how to fix sucks ass and no one likes thinking about it until they have a tangible idea for a solution and right now only one of the two deaths has an even remotely tangible solution even if it is just to wait and do nothing.
(I understand that ppls reactions to qBads death have seemed more proactive than qTubbos right now but today was the first qBagi and Em learned of him actually dying so it makes sense that today was sort of centered around that. Tbh it just sucks that qTubbo died on an event day bc I feel like if he didn't we would've got a lot more focus and angst out of it but what can you do. But also it's seemed a lot more proactive because qBads kids are actively searching the server for him for 3-4 hours a day which is just depressing as hell, kudos to Pommin and Dapmin for pulling that off :') )
Wall of text over!
Have a flower for your troubles, after all our cubitos have done to us, I think we've earned some flowers without angsty connotations ;-;
❀❀❀❀❀
#qsmp#qsmp badboyhalo#qsmp tubbo#qsmp lore#qsmp analysis#tw death#cw death#these cubitos istg i just wanna squish them for how much angst they've created#also this isnt aimed at anyone just the posts i saw abt the death being ignored got me thinking abt their situations#how can 2 deaths be so different when they literally have the same end result of: they'll be back eventually#they're too addicted to perma die xD#but goddamn#tw suicide mention
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Funny seeing people making posts on Christmas like "it's xyz's death anniversary!" Guys the 24th has just started together with the final fight against Sukuna by the end of the series you can list half the cast for who died on the 24th. It's not really such a special death date anymore.
#also people list like Megumi and Choso on there#don't get me wrong I don't think they'll survive this (maybe Megumi has better chances) but currently they're still alive#you're celebrating too early#I'm pretty sure it's gonna be Sukuna's death date as well#jujutsu kaisen
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[ID in alt text]
Another wip! It's kind of almost done :)
#sha gojyo#saiyuki#wip#gotta tag talk for a sec -#idk if it's weird or inappropriate considering the smiley mood of the wip but I just kinda need to#cw: death I guess#life's so so bizar right now - just. incomprehensible in a way#I don't know how to describe what's going on in my head#with my dad being on his death bed#on one hand it's all consuming and on the other. like. life is still happening? I worked today. did work things#I'm working on this light-hearted little comic and it feels almost rude to keep drawing it#like whatever I make should be sad or angry or whatever#or not at all#but this is still what I wanna draw#I keep thinking about fucking Inktober bc it's something that brings me joy normally#but I will absolutely not be able to do it and it's so so so unimportant in the grand scheme of things#I have sketches that I like so idk they'll get finished eventually#got a message about a commission I would love to do but the deadline is in around December#and I just can't know if I'll even be able to do#it's just impossible to imagine my dad pretty much definitely not being here in two months#let alone what life will be like and what *I'll* be like#it's so weird#danikunst#fanart#described#1
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forever thinking about how she didn't just say, "me too", here btw. if you even care.
{World's Finest 2009 #3}
#stephanie brown#kara zor-el#(<- side note. i miss them so much. come back to me stephkara)#bruce wayne#batman#batgirl#comics deserve some kind of award for getting me to care about blonde characters. and /bruce wayne/.#they're just. they're so. complicated. there's so much love there and yet. yet he'll never not have pushed her to her death.#she'll never not have made him laugh quicker than most his sons do#he'll never stop feeling he failed her and she'll never be able to tell him that he did but not in the way he thinks#and they'll never be able to ask for forgiveness for the things that matter#and 'sad' will never be enough to say what they felt when the other was gone#do you understand. do you understand what im saying. hello.#freya talks comics
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Well, duckies, thank @deskgirl for this!
I've never written soulmate au before, so let's see how this goes!
Izzy never believed in soulmates. Or soulmarks. Or any of that crap. So why does he have a new mark on his arm...?
#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#ao3#ofmd izzy#ofmd stede#soulmates au#soulmarks#izzy loves stede and thinks he hates him#ofmd edward teach#ed is not happy about this#stede x izzy#ofmd stizzy#no one is happy about this at first#stede is a mushball#looky here i got a mark on my arm let's fuck about it#they'll fall in love eventually we all know it#working towards steddyhands#everyone needs a hug#stizzy fics#ofmd ao3#ao3 kudos and comments keep me alive#ao3 kudos are my validation
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I am liking Jujutsu Kaisen, way more than I imagined I would, but I foresee it will let me down and it's keeping me from enjoying this as much as I could haha
I think the characters and dynamics are well set, and I think many of them have an incredibly good and deep potential, but I would be willing to bet they'll not get a proper development, enough for them to really hit. A well assembled set of gears is not enough to make the movement go, you have to wind the clockwork.
I think Gojo and Megumi have a fascinating and very complex dynamic, but I doubt it will be given the time and care that imo it needs to actually work. And it is going well enough for now! One could see the intimacy between them was deeper than the one Gojo had with, say, Yuji and Nobara ever since the very first few episodes despite the fact Fushiguro too was a first year. But the pieces forming what they have are extremely complex, and it just wouldn't be realistic if it doesn't show, even if in a not showing way, or if it doesn't have consequences or implications.
It's one of those dynamics that shape one's life, the way one regards the world, the way one establishes or not relationships with other people. It's one of those dynamics that could be full of fondness, gratitude, resentment, admiration, trust, and that imply intimacy, the good kind or the bad, even if in just the knowledge of someone who's been a constant through your life. It could, and would, imply a myriad of feelings, and probably in such a mix it could imply contradictory feelings too. Even the nothingness would weight, even the nothingness would be significant and meaningful.
Gojo took Megumi and his sister under his wing, the son of a man who murdered him, because of both selfish and selfless reasons. Megumi looks like Toji. What does Gojo feel about this? How does Gojo deal with this? How does Gojo go about taking care of Megumi? Would he walk him to school? Make him breakfast? Celebrate his birthdays making him blow candles? Did he take him to the zoo? Does the relationship between them feel professional or is it something more? Gojo appreciates his students, but is Megumi to him just another student? When Gojo faces Sukuna in Megumi's body, did he see the kid he raised, or does he just see Sukuna in one of his students' body? Did he have one faint wavering instant? And how does Megumi feel about this? Is he resentful of him? Resentful of the situation? Of the selfishness behind his actions? Does he feel like a pawn? Is he grateful? Does he resent feeling grateful? Would he rather not? Does he love Gojo? Does he feel nothing about him other than what he could feel about a teacher that sort of annoys him but knows he's reliable in his strength? Does he think it unfair, cruel or unfeeling that Gojo is close, closer perhaps, with Yuuji or Yuta, considering their story? When Sukuna slices Gojo in two, does the remnants of Megumi's soul tremble?
And not just Megumi and Gojo. Yuuji and Nanami, Gojo and Nanami, Yuuji and Fushiguro, Nobara and the boys, or Nobara and Maki, Todo and Yuuji or Yuta, Gojo and Yuta, Megumi and his sister. Gojo and Geto, even! If the pieces are well set, the dynamics are intriguing, interesting, and have potential to be deep, but then the characters have like two plot relevant scenes that punch you hard, but little more, it's not nearly enough. Especially not nearly enough for the enormity that is shonen dynamics and situations. And the potential existing at all, and then not delivering, makes it all the more frustrating when you're left with something mediocre that could have been so good.
The development of dynamics through not only a few plot relevant gut wrenching moving scenes, but also the smallness of life, is important. The friend who recommended this to me said that those things were just unnecessary filler, but I disagree. I think there's a big difference between a large amount of anime-only filler episodes whose existence is based on the fact they had run out of manga chapters to animate, and moments of quietness. The low stakes character-driven moments of quietness can be so telling and so insightful, and they are so satisfactory when brought back later in higher stakes situations. My friend teased me there was no scene of Gojo making breakfast to Megumi, that it would be an idiotic idea, but it would be so telling. How he makes breakfast, what they eat, if he tries hard or if it's all mechanised, if they have personal bowls or if they use whatever, if he just buys them some pastry on the way to school, if the way they have breakfast changes through the years, or if he doesn't make them breakfast at all! All that would be very insightful on their dynamic and its evolution. All that would give a glimpse on how they regard each other and why, even in the present. All that could become meaningful in tense situations and high stakes scenes.
These moments also let the plot breath; if a lot is happening all the time, if every character is always experiencing trauma after trauma, the entire story is so emotionally draining that at some point you don't even care all that much. Besides, these nothing moments or low stakes plot arcs, besides deepening and developing dynamics, also let some in-world time pass, which would make the intimacy and bond between characters more believable imo; between Yuuji eating Sukuna's finger and their last confrontation in December how much time has passed? A few months? Am I truly to believe these characters are so everything to each other in only a few months?
Without some smallness, some repetition, some daily life, some low stakes not plot-centric development, the dynamics don't hit, they don't truly feel fleshed out, and dynamics as complex as the ones Megumi and Gojo have, or as supposedly meaningful as the one Megumi has with Yuuji or his sister, should be fleshed out if they're going to exist at all. Otherwise they'd risk making the writing feel awkward and fake. Besides, if the dynamics felt well fleshed out and realistic, they would shape the way the characters interact and act, and how they deal with situations, thus being plot relevant.
The shonen genre has so much happening all the time, the stakes are so high, the dynamics are so rooted in big events and the relationships carry enormous weight and implications. Yet they barely get developed, and it feels so stupid, so plain, the absence of something so important noticeable like a constant void, a shapeless nothingness present in every scene. It makes the characters feel like cardboard figures. Jujutsu Kaisen is already getting a better job than many, but I doubt it will do enough for what I've heard, and I fear I am bound to feel let down, and bound to feel unmoved.
After all, if not enough time and care has been given to develop a dynamic, I am not going to feel pressured by the high stakes; if not enough time and care has been given to develop the dynamic between Megumi and Yuuji, as good potential as it has I am bound to feel little for this last confrontation between Sukuna and Itadori, and his effort in getting Megumi back.
#It's not that I think everything has to be character driven or take a lot of care about dynamics#Death Note for instance works well without it. There's juice in the dynamic between Light and his father and the role of Matsuda there#and it works well with Light's views and their evolution and the whole Kira situation. It isn't much. It doesn't need more#But Death Note doesn't truly drop something as big as Gojo and Megumi to then do barely nothing about it#('But L and Watari' not the same at all. That was deepened in the anime and besides Watari is not one of the main characters)#Or Megumi and his sister. If we see barely nothing of Megumi and his sister other than shiny flashbacks of her#how am I to feel moved by it all beyond superficial emotions? I don't know. It just feels so like cardboard to me#And it annoys me! It annoys me a lot! Because Jujutsu Kaisen has amazing potential! The dynamics and characters could be amazing!#But I don't trust they'll live to their full potential and the potential existing for nothing is ruining this for me xD#Jujutsu Kaisen#Sorry this time I'm tagging it. I want to find this and see if I was right when I'm finished. I think I'll read the manga too#The condescending filler breakfast comment by my friend was ironic considering the Kramer vs. Kramer breakfast scenes exist#Breakfast can be so telling. And besides he loves the Chainsaw Man coffee scene so I don't get why not breakfast#But truly some small daily life moments can tell us a lot about a character that we could recognise later on in high stakes scenes#such as how they deal in tense situations‚ what makes them snap#how they go about dealing with a problem.#Sometimes it could be smaller moments or conversations what makes characters reconsider things‚ not just having Sukuna rip their heart out#In Pandora Hearts the conversation between Elliot and Oz about the book series they love and their favourite characters becomes key#Oz's development and how he regards things‚ his own person‚ and how he deals with situations will be shaped later on by this conversation#till the very end. The entire main character's development is shaped by a 'filler' conversation.It's not filler. It's just not a fight scen#Shonen manga readers find everything filler except for fights which is ironic considering that many fights in shonen feel unnecessary#Breakfast is unnecessary. Just filler. Fighting thirty seven secondary monsters or chapter after chapter of physical training is not. Okay#Things can be small but plot relevant. If it shapes and fleshes out and deepens a character or a relationship it is not filler#And mainly MAINLY for the love of everything good if you're going to make a fucked up or Meaningful Beyond Everything dynamic#give it time and care. Actually write it. Don't give me two panels and one conversation after some life and death situation. It's not enoug#Especially if I'm to believe they are important. Make me believe they actually are#I don't know... This issue with not trusting the development of very well set potential in Jujutsu Kaisen#has not only been keeping me from thoroughly enjoying the series‚ but actively keeping me from watching for weeks#It makes me doubt if I want to spend my time in this at all since after all time is limited and we can but spend it in a handful of things#A pity. I really love some things and I really think Megumi and Gojo could be everything to me haha the Heathcliff/Hareton vibe gets me
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We are all afraid of something...
I wonder what Prince Gumball's biggest fear would be?
There's an episode (Five short tables I think) where it shows that he's afraid of dying alone/his own mortality to some extent. I imagine that because he's long-lived and most likely has watched many people die before him, he's scared that there won't be anyone else by *his* side when it's his turn. There's no way of knowing when or how, he wouldn't be ready for it, so that's probably double scarier for him. He's an anxious fella
#tag rambling MMMMM MY FAVORITE#this made me think if Gumball is actually just long-lived or if he'd become something like the Mother Gum after enough centuries have passed#triple scary then because other than Neddy(Nelly?) he's the only gum humanoid in Ooo that we're aware of#so what if the deal with the Mother Gum is like... She releases this tiny gum things (or they're released by themselves) into the wild#and good luck baby you better survive if you want our species to continue existing 😄#He and Nelly survived but what if he dies before reaching a Mother Gum-state. and alone on top of that bc that must be a scary process#And if he dies then that means Nelly is alone. and probably would go through that alone too#I think he's also scared of not having anyone to take care of everything he left behind if he dies#and to reassure his people and loved ones that everything will be fine despite his absence#now I'm thinking about the way i portray him because I make it sound like he's “unworried” about his own life & wellbeing#he gets stabbed and he's just like “it's okay don't worry about it” BUT what if he does worry and like..#he knows it won't kill him so he doesn't panic but he might panic if he realizes that he got stabbed a little too close to a vital spot#but at the same time he won't if there's someone else with him because if he panics they'll panic and everyone panics#and he needs to be the bigger person at all times and and#does this make sense or am i just yapping#anyway I love you Gumball i just threw my English out the window to talk about your issues with death 🫶#fionna and cake#prince gumball
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just finished the 2nd coldfire book and gerald tarrant's relationship with dignity is so interesting to me. from jump we have this man whose well-groomed, immaculate appearance damien's narration cannot stop harping on about. tarrant is the picture of dignity: cool, quiet, obsessed with cleanliness. in when true night falls and he almost blows himself up and needs damien to bury him in a hole like a flower bulb just to survive the morning, one of the first things gerald does after emerging is magicking the dirt and blood off his body and hair. it's not a preference at that point, it's a compulsion, it's an emotional necessity.
and yet gerald's approach to immortality renders him so vulnerable in just one very particular way, and in both book 1 and 2 his enemies exploit that vulnerability to such a degree that gerald is rendered little better than a rag doll. it's a one-hit almost-kill kind of vulnerability; he doesn't even have a chance to fight back. and because he is what he is, he can still survive for a long time: burned, disfigured, in agony, weakened, but "alive." in book 1, damien & co find him basically jesus-on-a-cross'd in the middle of blinding light, burned so badly that his body is barely holding together; in book 2, after he gets one-shot, the bad guys strip him almost naked and leave him pinned to the floor to wait for sunrise to finish the job. and he SURVIVES this shit. and, in book 2, in the next scene where he's conscious: put together, calm, imminently in control of himself once again.
it just gets me, this need for some sense of dignity specifically because of his power, or rather its one (1) weakness. he doesn't wear armor, he's ridiculously, stupidly dangerous and powerful, but he's got an achilles heel that can, in a matter of seconds, in the face of power great enough, put him flat on his face and suffering unimaginable pain for possibly days at a time, at the tender mercies of whoever wants him powerless, and so he still needs to project control. not a speck of dirt on his clothes, not a tangle in his hair, not a hitch of emotion in his voice. he's old enough, powerful enough, that he shouldn't need to present himself this way. and yet.
#coldfire trilogy#i feel like i'm not saying this in an intelligent enough way#i haven't been sleeping enough & it's hard to order my thoughts and like. get at what i mean#i guess it just boils down to me loving a bad guy who is also a control freak about the way he Presents#when they have a hundred times more power than any human could ever need but they still need to be Better Than You on a physical level#like you may as well just come out and say that you're projecting. that you are so so so afraid of being human. because humans are weak.#because humans die. and you can't die.#and humiliation is better than death but oh god you can't let anyone think those weaknesses are YOU.#if you pretend you're clean enough then they'll never remember the burnt flesh the weakened body your need for rescue#dignity and power and OH BOY it's just such my fucking jam#gerald tarrant everything i have (mostly my brainpower) is yours i'm obsessed with you.#i'm also obsessed with damien but he'll get his own post eventually
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knowing that someone is teasing you bc they wanna make you blush is so gskdjsgshd
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Posting this on the artblog bc even though it's not visual, it still counts
So a while back I started working on a fanfic for No Man's Sky titled Nest, but I've only written like 2 chapters and found it hard to get motivation to keep writing linearly. However the related OCs are still very much in my head and are doing things, and here I've written a small except from somewhere in the middle of the story - more context provided under cut. Do let me know what you guys think, I'm considering doing more of these to try and build up the story
⚠️CW: Themes of death.
Important story context (contains plot spoilers for the full story). This isn't the best as a standalone piece, but it might make more sense to those who already have some knowledge of the characters
This excerpt is set aboard the frigate NH9 Broken Sword, which Zed (he/him) and October (they/them) have returned to after Zed's Korvax friend Lucien (they/them) was destroyed in a fight with Evil Plant.
Zed's relation to October: they used to be good friends, but one of October's experiments in their attempts to understand their existence resulted in Zed getting hurt. Zed destroyed important equipment in anger/pain, and October was so angry at Zed for this that they just yelled at him and told him to leave. After that, the two didn't see each other for years, but were forced to work together again due to the Evil Plant. In that time October has not been able to come as close to answers as they did with that experiment.
end context
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“Do you remember the time when we…”
“Hm?”
October trailed off. They knew what they were trying to say, but couldn’t finish the sentence.
Zed’s dark gaze returned to his hands; the air remained unshifting and numb. October felt like they were still in their spacesuit. They were certain that desperation could not fail them, but now it was a thing of constraint – they could not be stronger than the quiet incredulity in the line of Zed’s shoulders, than the dark sheen of the frigate’s metal floors.
In Lucien, whose visage October feared regardless of whether it was puppeted by vines or that unfathomable Sentinel-soul, Zed had found something that ran so deep it tied the two together inextricably. Now, despite what hope remained of repairing them, the frigate hummed its dusky mourning, and the remains of that tie were threaded through hands that tried to stop themselves from shaking by picking at the loose scales along their palms.
How different was it from their own pain? An image returned to them of a body hunched against the terminal of an Atlas Station, pleading quietly and shakily for one more chance, one more chance. Then suddenly all their desperate rage would burn through them in a torrent which strained against the boundaries of their flesh and left no mark upon the silent metal. They’d been here before. They knew this would happen from the start.
But the difference between them was clear. They had grieved because they had burned away their last tie to the substance of emotion, in the very pursuit of such a thing.
Zed was grieving because he had lost a friend.
Do you remember me? they had wanted to ask. Lost data searching for some hint of recognition. But they knew they had no power here, nor in any place so haunted by reality.
#oc art#very vague very mysterious#sorry to all the ppl who are following me for visual art...still i hope you like my writing as well#wow i haven't done this in a while#Anyway. Meet my pathetic little blorbos#don't worry Lucien dies like 3 times they'll be fine#no man's sky#Many Emotions in this one. Very raw I think#cw death#I'll talk about it more in my main blog#oc october#writing
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so many expenses this month and most of it isnt even for me :(
#i hate that my family thinks i have lots of money even though my brother made a lot more than me#mom keeps telling me my brother might need it in the future so she refuse to ask him any#really shows that they do not respect me at all about this#and the worst thing is its always very sudden#a cold 5 min call where mom tell me “pay for this now! dont postpone it” and the payment is almost 1K#and my stupid ass cant even say no because if i say no they will make me feel guilty and then i feel like i wanna kms and end up paying anw#god#parents are gonna go on vacation soon#watch they'll be calling me soon to give them more money#and then go hom from there#and not bringing me any gift as usual#why should they care about the faggy child that failed to achieve his parents assigned goals#if anything putting all family expenses on me will quicken my death or worse force me to go back to them#so they can hold me and mold me back into what they want#i know their plan and i refuse to follow it#but they probably just need to shout on me once and i'll follow whatever their ask.. sad#i want to recoup by taking commissions but last time this happened and i took too many comms it ended up taking more than a month#i dont think i can handle that much anymore#AAAAAAAAA im tired
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