#they’ve got to stop making cute things while I have no money

[sad-emo-dip-dye]

[reigningqueenofwords]

Mother's Day

Pairing: John x Reader Word count: 1,130

Read on AO3

John rolled over, ready to pull you close and wish you a happy mother’s day. It was your first together, and he was excited to spoil you for the day. However, he was met with you already out of bed. The more he woke up, the more the smell of breakfast registered to him. He quickly got out of bed, worried that Dean was trying to cook you something. Again. He was thankful that his 8 year old adored you, but would rather him not get hurt by cooking. 

“Baby?” John furrowed his brow when he saw you in the kitchen cooking. You were already dressed, and you already had your favorite apron on. Sam and Dean were already in the living room watching cartoons. “Why are you cooking breakfast? And what time are the girls getting here?” Your two daughters were at their father’s that weekend, and he assumed they’d be joining for mother’s day. 

You looked at him, confused. “Why wouldn’t I be making breakfast?” You asked him, shrugging a shoulder before you flipped a pancake. “I make it every morning. And I get them tomorrow after school, as always.” 

He glanced at the calender. Was it not mother’s day? “I’m supposed to make you breakfast with the kids today. It’s mother’s day, so why wouldn’t the girls be here?” He started making his way to you to take over the cooking. “How about you go relax?” 

“That doesn’t change anything.” You tried to shoo him. 

“Yes, it does. You take care of me, the boys, and the girls when they’re here. Let us take care of you for a day. I get you’ve been single the past few years, but you’re not anymore.” He rubbed your back. 

“Whether I’m single or not changes nothing. It’s just another day. I’ll get breakfast made, eat, get the dishes from breakfast done, sort some laundry, read a bit, make lunch, clean up after lun-” 

“What the fuck?” He snapped, making you jump and look at him. “You’re telling me you’ve been a mother for 11 years and you’ve never had a mother’s day off? You’ve never gotten to relax while other people take over? You’ve never had someone make you your favorite dinner?” He didn’t like that one bit. 

You shook your head. “I’ve gotten a card once or twice. Or when the kids were younger they’d bring home something from school.” You’d stopped caring, honestly. “I pick what I’d like for dinner, and I buy what I need beforehand.” 

He pulled out his wallet. “Go get yourself a manicure, a nice new dress, whatever, sweetheart.” He handed you a few twenties. “Relax, get pampered. Me and the boys are going to make this one hell of a mother’s day.” You opened your mouth to protest, but he raised an eyebrow at you, making you shut it. “We love you, and this is the first mother’s day they’ve been able to celebrate in years.” He said softly, knowing that would mean more than him telling you that you deserve it. “It’s Sammy’s first ever.” He added. 

Nodding, you handed him the spatula, and took the money. “Okay, okay.” You said softly, chuckling. “I’ll go.” 

John’s face lit up. “Good girl.” He winked, smirking as you blushed. 

You’d done exactly as John told you. You’d gotten a manicure, found a cute dress on sale, a lollipop for each kid, a box of brownie mix to make John, and a couple things for the kitchen you’d been really wanting. “I’m home!” You called out, toeing off your shoes.

“Yay!” Sammy came running to hug your legs, making you smile. “Did you have fun?” 

“I did, but I’m happy to be home! I got you something.” You crouched, setting down the bags as the other two Winchester men came in. “A lollipop for you, sweet Sammy.” You handed it to him. “And a lollipop for you, dear Dean.” You held it out, smiling when he rushed over for it. “And after these two are in bed, I got dessert for us.” You told John, standing. 

John grinned, happy you’d been able to take time for yourself. “The girls will be here about dinner time.” He informed you. “I called him and explained today is Mother’s Day, and you should get the girls for at least part of it. He finally agreed.” He left out the part he told your ex he’d give him money to take out his new wife as a treat. What could it hurt being civil? 

“Oh, John!” You hugged him. “Thank you!”

Hearing a knock at the door, John went to get it, leaving you to continue playing cards with the boys. A moment later, your 11 year old and 9 year old came running in. “Mom!” They yelled happily. 

“Girls!” You gushed, holding them both closely. “Let me finish this round of go fish with the boys, then we can all play something.” You beamed. 

“I’m gonna go start dinner, sweetheart.” John smiled from the doorway. He fell more in love with you every day, watching you with the kids. 

That night, the pair of you had made the boxed brownies, and enjoyed them with ice cream. “Thank you for today, John.” You laid your head on his chest as the pair you got into bed that evening.

“You deserve the world, sweetheart.” He kissed the top of your head. “But I was wondering if there was something I could have with you. Two things, really.”

Shifting so that you were lying on your stomach, you had an amused look on your face. “I’m sure I could agree to that if you’re thinking the same way as me.” You flirted, making him laugh.

“Oh, shit, sweetheart. I got lucky with you.” He said happily. “Not what I had in mind, but I’ll take that, too.” He licked his lips.

“So, what does my dear boyfriend wish for?”

“For starters, I don’t wanna be called your boyfriend anymore.” He started, making your face fall. “Kinda hoping I could be called your fiance?”

It took a moment for that to sink in. “Yes!” You gasped, all but jumping on him to kiss all over his face. “Wait, what’s the other thing?” You asked, sitting on his thighs, your hands on each sighed of his head.

“How’s about we have a baby of our own?” He rubbed over your thighs. “Sammy is about to start school, and I wanna see you with a little one we created.” Hell, he didn’t know if you wanted more kids, but he sure hoped you did.

You couldn’t help but smile lovingly at him. “I’d love nothing more than to have a baby with you.” You cupped his cheek, rubbing your thumb over the stubble. 

[fuckmeuselessdegen]

been thinking a lot about whitney and my pc, whom of which is named daiki, and the idea of forced piercing. it’s sort of like his forced tattooing event, but with an ear piercing instead. huge infodump under the cut :P

it’d be right afterschool, and daiki is about to head off to do his usual money making activities (skulduggery and whatnot), but then whitney comes around and stops him at the gate. he’s sort of like “hey slut! we’ve got places to be!” and starts dragging daiki along to high street, while daiki is sort of resigned and is like “ugh, fine.”

by the time whitney drags him into the shopping centre and to the tattoo parlor is when daiki starts to get worried. sorta starts to stop in his tracks and looks over at whitney hesitantly, saying “are you making me get another tattoo…?” since daiki already has a whitney tattoo on his shoulder.

but whitney, being the little shit he is, just grins at daiki and is like “nope, even better. we’re gonna get your ears pierced, and i’ll even be paying for it. aren’t i such a good boyfriend?” (to which daiki recoils at whitney calling himself his boyfriend. they’ve got a complicated relationship to me, i’ll probably rant about that in a later date—)

and daiki becomes even more wary. tattoos are one thing, but PIERCINGS? daiki doesn’t really mind tattoos, hell, he’s already got around 3-4 on his body in various places. but a PIERCING?

“i’d rather get a fucking tattoo on my forehead than have my ears pierced,” daiki says. whitney sort of raises a brow at him and laughs, saying “you don’t have a choice.”

he pushes daiki into the tattoo parlor and at this point, daiki is heavily debating on either fighting whitney or just sprinting the fuck out of there. but in the end, he’s just like “fucking… fine.” he’ll fucking get the piercing. he’s not paying for it and he’s gone through much worse pain, what is one little earring gonna do?

20 minutes later, and boom. he’s got a piercing on one ear lobe. just one, because daiki thinks that if he gets another on his other ear, he’d actually tear up. and during the piercing process, whitney just stands there, arms crossed and smirk on his face, clearly enjoying the power he has and daiki’s reaction.

and guess what? he even picks out a stud for daiki, isn’t that cute? he’d probably pick out a black or silver stud for him, all paid with his own money. isn’t he just the sweetest thing? (cue daiki in the background fighting for his life on the piercing chair, his nails digging into the arm rest.)

by the end of it when everything is finished, they swagger out of the shopping centre, and whitney is very pleased with the end product. can’t help but check out daiki and thinking about how they sort of match how. it’s cute.

he leans in and nips at the earlobe which daiki got his piercing on, making him flinch because i know that hurts like a bitch.

“i knew you’d look sexy with a piercing. i’ll see you around, slut. don’t go taking it off, or i’ll kick your ass,” whitney says, pushing past daiki with a playful shove of the shoulder and leaving him standing on high street, wondering what the fuck he’s gotten himself into.

[remuswriting]

DEPENDS, WHO'S ASKING; MIYA OSAMU

As far as first meetings go, fighting over udon noodles is not one you thought you'd ever have.

TAGS: Pre-Relationship; First Meetings; Meet-Cute; Canon Compliant; Second Person POV

WORD COUNT: 1,002 words

NOTES: Writing in second person is really not my thing, so hopefully it's good. I think this may be the only reader fic I've ever written where Y/N or L/N isn't used.  This is just a silly little thing I wrote over a year ago. I hope you enjoy.

It’s been a long day since the soccer team practiced later than usual. Interhigh Qualifiers are coming up, and your coach wants to make sure everyone is ready. You’re only a first year, so you aren’t on first string, which you don’t really mind. You have two more years, after all.

Practice being grueling and running late leaves you absolutely exhausted, but thankfully, you don’t have to worry about your parents being upset since they work late on Wednesday. This means you cook dinner for yourself, which you like doing. Trying out new recipes is something you tend to do on Wednesday, but you’re not sure if it’ll be a new recipe night. You’re not sure what you have to eat at home, so you decide you’ll just stop by the store on the way home. There’s a simple recipe you like to make whenever you’re tired, but you know you need a couple things.

Your phone vibrates in your bag, so you pull your bag up to have easier access to it, but moving your bag results in your phone falling deeper and deeper into it. So, you’re shoving your hand past your school supplies and bento box until you finally have a hold of it. You see a couple of people looking at you, and you wonder if it might have been easier if you had stopped to take it out instead of walking at the same time. It doesn’t matter now, especially since the store is already in view.

“Oh,” you say, seeing that it was your mom who texted you. Apparently, she left money on the counter for takeout. You look up at the store and decide you might as well get some groceries while you’re here.

To: Mom

From: You

>>At the store. Do we need anything?

A long list of things is the next thing she sends. You sigh as you walk into the store and grab a basket. This is the main store your family goes to, so you know where everything is without needing to think too much about it.

“Alright, all that’s left is udon noodles,” you mumble as you look over your mother’s text again. As you make your way to where those are, hoping they have them, since the store’s popularity has grown due to a store nearby being remodeled.

There’s someone else on the aisle, a guy also wearing an Inarizaki uniform. The dyed gray hair gives away who it is; Miya Osamu. You’ve never met Osamu since he’s a year older, and most sports clubs don’t talk to each other. The boys’ volleyball club has several annoying members, so your soccer teammates say it’s better just not talking to them.

You walk down the aisle and find he’s standing in front of what you need. After a minute of standing there, you gently tap his arm. He looks at you. “Can I help you?” he asks, annoyed, which understandably so. You’d be annoyed too.

“Uh, I was wonderin’ if ya could hand me some udon noodles,” you say, and he doesn’t say anything as he stares at you. You try not to fidget, but you’re so uncomfortable. People always said that Atsumu is the “scary” twin while Osamu is laid back. You’re disagreeing right now.

“No,” he says, and you furrow your brows.

“No?”

“No,” he says, and he holds up two packages of udon noodles. “They’re mine.”

You move your head to see that there aren’t any more udon noodles on the shelf. You look back at him and bite your lip as you let out a deep breath. “Do ya really need two?”

“Yeah,” he says as he puts them in his basket. “Even if I didn’t, I’d take ‘em anyway.”

“Are ya new to this store?” you ask, and he shakes his head.

“No, I’ve been comin’ here since I was a kid.”

You point at the noodles in his hand. “Then ya know that’s all they’ve got right now.” He just stares at you. “They won’t have any more until Tuesday.”

“That ain’t my problem,” he says, and you bite the inside of your cheek.

“Why’re ya bein’ an ass?” you ask, and you don’t know why you kept going. Maybe it’s because practice had been awful. Or maybe because your mom stressed wanting udon noodles. “Ya don’t need both of ‘em.”

“How do ya know that?” he asks, and you clench your jaw. “Maybe I need more than two and I’m settlin’ cause there’s no more.”

You roll your eyes. “I doubt that’s it.” It’s quiet as you two stare at each other. At this point, you can’t just back down. “I’ll pay you for it.”

Osamu blinks. “What?”

“I’ll pay you for the noodles.” You pull your wallet out of you bag far easier than you had pulled your phone out. “I’ve got the cash.”

“I’m not doin’ that,” he says, and you huff.

“Why not?”

“Cause I got here first.”

“Doesn’t mean ya’ve gotta be greedy!”

Osamu looks you over before shaking his head a little. “Ya know what? I’m just goin’ go. I hope ya get noodles next time.”

He turns and starts walking away. You clench your wallet in your hand. “I won’t forget this, Miya-senpai!”

He looks back at you with wide eyes. “You know who I am?”

You nod. “I also go to Inarizaki, and I’m not gonna forget this.”

“What’re ya gonna do?” he asks with an amused smirk, and you straighten your posture completely.

“I’m gonna buy all the udon noodles whenever I come here so you can’t have any of them!”

Osamu stares at you, shocking and not knowing how to respond, before chuckling slightly. You hate that he has a nice smile and laugh. “Good luck with that.”

He hurries down the aisle before you can say anything else. You throw your wallet on the ground as you grumble a little. Your teammates are right. Inarizaki boys’ volleyball club does have some annoying members.

[whoblewboobear]

speaking of cute clothes have we discussed putting jace in a wedding dress yet

We haven’t but god to we need to 🤧 I’m gonna skip the proposal because I’ll spiral if I think about who proposed to who and how it happened and what sappy shit they said. Like it’ll destroy me.

So just imagine Jace laying in bed with Porter and going “I think I’m gonna wear a dress for our wedding.” And Porter is practically drooling at the thought. He’s so superstitious about things so he’ll try his best to avoid asking to go dress shopping with him but he wants to SO BAD. So instead, Jace gathers his bestie squad of Zara, Corsica, maybe Yolanda too for her insight. They do it up big, they’ve got champagne to sip on, hors d'oeuvres to eat and they’re giving Jace the yes’s and no’s of what works and what doesn’t when he finally steps out of the dressing room in THEE dress. He’s used to wearing flowy robes when he goes back to fallinel so I’d imagine he wears something in that camp. But also something sleek and elegant with gold details to match his eyes. He’s already pale, so he goes for a cream instead of a white so he doesn’t look completely washed out in photos. He would look incredible in anything that accentuates his waist. He also loves a v neck so I’m taking that into consideration too 🤧 A slip dress or a mermaid gown would suit him really well! Also something with a slit so he can show off his long legs (and easy access for Porter later if he chooses not to have a separate dress for the reception)

Pictures & thoughts under a read more bc long post:

1. Simple, elegant a little boring though. But I have to take you on a journey. We’ll get there I promise.

I think this is a dress that everyone (including Jace) would agree doesn’t have enough flare. He could over accessorize to compensate but that’s more hassle and more money when he could just find THEE dress. I also don’t think it would entirely flatter his shape and baby boy deserves to have a dress that fits so right in all the right places while emphasizing his best features (waist, chest, legs)

2. This gown is so gorgeous, so flowy! I love the lace on it and I think the deep v is elegant and tasteful while showing off his chest. The back- oh my god does he deserve a train. It’s perfect for a spring or fall wedding it’s dramatic but sweet. It reminds him of a lighter weight version of something he’d wear in Fallinel. He’d pair it with some really beautiful gold jewelry and to match the wedding bands he and Porter picked out for the ceremony.

3. This one just might be one of my favorites actually! Loooove the deep v that stops above the navel. LOVE. I also can’t get enough of the mesh with the beading the looks like it’s just floating on the skin. The train isn’t overly dramatic. It’s sweet, it’s tasteful. There’s no slit here but he doesn’t mind it. The back is what really sells it for me bc 1. I know Jace’s ass would look in-CREDIBLE in it and 2. Porter would tease Jace so much by running his fingers along his exposed back. They’d have to fight so hard not to sneak off somewhere to fuck. They’re so insufferable!

4. Now THIS is my drama pick. I- Jace would look incredible in this. He can move in it, he can dance in it. It’s BACKLESS. All of the detailing and the silks. The drapery at the top is also really really beautiful. I love the slit and the neckline like- it really looks made for him. It makes me wonder if he’d grow his hair out a little longer for the look so he can have beading and different things pinned to match. I also love that from the back it almost looks like a jumpsuit. It also feels very true to his character art for Junior Year with how he draped his scarf. It’s just.. I think it’s THEE dress. When he looks at himself in the mirror he tears up a bit. The thought of getting married didn’t quite feel real until he sees himself in this and just knows this is the one he wants to marry the love of his life in.

[swampstew]

Blind Date Event ~ Cavendish X Reader

Thank you to everyone who submitted applications for my Blind Date Matchmaking Event. I hope you enjoy these lovely bedtime stories during this week of overpriced chocolates, flowers and heart shaped things. @sabo-has-my-heart I hope you enjoy your date and it definitely did not have me simping pathetically for the Beautiful Pirate🤫🥺

Mostly fluff, SFW, Cavendish X Female reader, first blind date experience. WC:1.4K. Minors DNI - my content is for mature audiences only

Cavendish knocked on your door, arriving punctually for your date together. He was dressed in a billowing button down paired with black pants, a rose belt buckle hung neatly where the shirt tucked. He looked handsome, ravishing even; you weren’t 100% sold on the hat though.

He did one of those fancy handshakes where he daintily raises your hand in front of him while he bows his head. Exclaiming how thrilled he was to be your date and that he was taking you to the hottest rooftop bar in the city. He led you to his white, polished Ford Mustang convertible. You noticed a small bumper sticker on the corner of his back bumper: Hell hath no fury like a Shagya Arabian stallion.

“I’ve got to be honest; I don’t know what a Shagya Arabian is.”

Cavendish’s eyes widened before a smile came over his face. His favorite topic. A horse boy through and through.

It was quite cute how passionate he was about the subject. It stemmed from his childhood horse who was now much older and past his prime. You were surprised to know that his deep knowledge of equines didn’t stop there. No, Cavendish loves all animals.

He comes from old money so he decided to start a non-profit rehabilitation center. At first it was to rehab injured equestrians, which expanded to treat donkeys, deer, and eventually his center became overburdened with animals in need that he expanded again. To several different counties and states, all specializing in different animal needs. To say you were impressed!

The ride to the bar was fairly quick and he opened your doors and pulled out the seat for you, always a gentleman. While you waited for your orders to be cooked, you sipped on decorated cocktails as you got to know each other.

You held the matchmaking pamphlet in your hands, “Cavendish what are your three biggest deal breakers?”

He took a sip of his gin and tonic, “I would say intentional cruelty to animals, cheating, and denim on denim wearers.” You giggled at that. “What about your three dealbreakers, _______?”

You swirled your Mai Tai, “controlling tendencies, cruel personalities, and excessive laziness.”  

You shared your meals with each other on appetizer plates; he has a thing about his food mixing together. He listened intently as you shared more about yourself. Things like your hobbies, passion for cooking, favorite book and movie genres, even your bucket list.

“Overall, I like to believe I am laid back. I enjoy a night in as much as I enjoy trying something new,” you took a break to finish your meal, having talked through most of the meal.

“That’s great to know, _____. I’m glad to hear you like trying new things. See, I chose this bar not just because the food reviews were good, but because this bar is partnered with the art studio next door. This week they’ve put on an immersive Van Gogh experience that I thought we could do after dinner. The fun part is, to get to the show you can only enter through the rooftop bar. Look over there,” he pointed to a tall, curtained entrance.

“Past those curtains is a hallway made entirely of glass to get to the art show. I heard its quite exhilarating, being able to see the streets from 20 stories high; the sight allows you the most exquisite view of the city especially during sunset, which is in,” he checked his watch, “about 40 minutes.”

You were stunned. The date was thoroughly planned; you were expecting a nice dinner date at best but Cavendish was really going all out with making it an experience. You smiled at him, sharing your excitement at the plan while you received another round of drinks and the dessert menu.

The dinner date was refreshing. Your first impression of Cavendish was a rich boy who probably put forth 40% of effort to get what he wanted, if money couldn’t buy it for him right away. You were pleased at how thoughtful he was. With how passionate he was about his life’s work and how much of a gentle soul he seemed to be.

Cavendish carefully spooned his ice cream into his mouth, letting the flavor mix with the piece of apple pie he had already taken a bite of. Watching his face turn into one of delighted pleasure from the dessert. It was…so cute you blushed a little. He noticed and he cast his eyes downward, a quiet chuckle escaping him.

“______, I am enjoying my time with you. There is something I would like for you to know and, I would understand if you decided not to move forward with another date after tonight once you hear it. I just…” he looked nervous, “I hope you do not judge me too harshly.”

You nod your head at him, encouraging him to continue.

“I—“, he paused, resentment and shame crossed his features for just a moment. “I suffer from somnambulism, a sleepwalking and night terrors disorder.” His eyes were shadowed now.

“That’s not all…,” his knuckles were white from how hard he was clutching his glass. “I also suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder, and it is usually triggered during by my night terrors. Sometimes I can get violent during the worst of them. I don’t have as many episodes as I used to. I am in therapeutic treatment for both my conditions and I take medication for the sleep disorder. I just wanted to be upfront with you. I don’t want you to think I was hiding it from you or leading you on in any way,” he finally braved a glance at you.

“Oh,” you let out softly. Never before had you met a person be so honest about his own shortcomings and faults. It was admirable. “I think its brave that you shared that with me, especially during a night where we’re learning about each other to see if we’re compatible.” You smile softly.

“I can promise I won’t judge you for it. Not many people can admit they have issues and even less try to address them. I sincerely appreciate your honesty, though I won’t say right away that I’d like a second date but its not because of your disorders,” you soothe, taking another drink.

“It’s because I’m curious to see how the rest of our night goes,” you raise your glass to him. “I signed up for this event because I wanted to take a chance at finding someone. You did too. So Cavendish, what do you say we go enjoy that exquisite view and continue our date?”

His gorgeous blue orbs widened at your statement, a crooked smile growing on his face.

“Well said, _____. I appreciate your openness and kindness. To the rest of our date then,” he clinked his glass against yours in a toast.

The hallway was both thrilling and anxiety inducing, causing you to hold on to Cavendish as you walked across the glass floor. He fit the gentleman role perfectly, soothing you as he held you. The museum was breathtaking and you lost track of the time as you explored each room. By the time you were looking at the last installation, you nuzzling intimately against his body while he had his arm around your shoulder. You were actively disappointed the night had to end.

Cavendish walked you to your front door, holding your art gallery bag full of prints and goodies he had purchased for you. As you fiddled with the key in your lock, you gave him a bashful look.

“I had a really nice time tonight. I do want that second date, if you enjoyed my company as much as I think you did,” you spoke in a hushed tone.

He was sweet, lifting your hand in his, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles.

“It would be my honor. Do you want me to surprise you or do you want to plan it together?”

“I think I would like to help plan the next one. Can’t let you be the one who shocks and amazes me all the time,” you flirt. “If you’re free this weekend, would you like to meet up for coffee and discuss it in more depth?”

His smile was radiant, “absolutely. But I’m counting it as a mini date, _____!” His heart started racing when you giggled, nodding in agreement.

You stood on your tip toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I can’t wait.”

[mtf-pupperino]

Dawn had always been quite reserved when it came to spending money, after all she didn’t have much to go by. However she’d garnered the attention of a quite strikingly handsome man willing to be her sugar daddy as she’d been posting lots of her cute transition pictures online. She’d never done anything sexual for money before but she thought the idea was quite enticing as the man was local and her big drop in libido from estrogen had made her almost asexual and it saddened her. They met up over a coffee and David the sugar daddy could not stop complimenting her for how she looked in real life. She felt overwhelmed with the amount of attention as she’d never received much before her transition at 18. After a bit of getting comfortable they decided to meet at his place, big luxurious apartment with a very spicy bedroom. In exchange for posing in sexy lingerie on David’s bed Dawn would be given a very pretty dress she’d been eying for a while along with a couple hundred dollars. The shoot went very well and she got butterflies in her stomach from David's encouragement. Many weeks would go by before they’d eventually meet again, but before then Dawn found herself quite bored and just eagerly anticipating the next meet. As she felt like quite the high value girl one day she decided to order in some proper food to celebrate, as she felt she was too good to be making food for herself right now. She ordered fancy sushi takeout delivery and plenty of it, and the taste and amount was something she’d not been prepared for. After never having bothered with fancy food before growing up dangerously middle class, she felt overwhelmed by how good everything was. She finished all of it feeling super satisfied with herself, and thought maybe there’s some merit to food that costs almost 50 dollars after all. Her next meet with David happens and instead of just doing lingerie photoshoots she agrees to have sex with David for a fair bit extra cash, after all he was quite the looker and had been really nice to her this entire time. When she gets back home she’s over the moon and simply can’t wait for the next time they meet up. However this would be another couple weeks from now and Dawn couldn’t help but be really bored and feeling quite lazy in the meantime. She thinks to herself “Hmm.. you know with how much money I have now I could start ordering in more food regularly. It’s not that much more than cooking my own.” And so she did, she started eating in basically every day because why would such a pretty girl like herself need to cook her own food? One day she notices “oh shit, I’m almost out of money.. when’s the next time I meet David..? Ah thank god, it’s in two days!” She meets up with David in her pretty dress that he bought her. He doesn’t say anything but thinks to himself that it might’ve looked a lil better on her a month ago, but she was still super pretty so it was probably just his imagination. Dawn and David keep meeting up and Dawns spending habit becomes worse. This time though, she overspends before she can meet David. She thinks it’s probably fine she’ll just eat quite a bit less for the next couple days, but then she realizes her hormone prescription hadn’t been picked up yet this week. She panics a little and realizes she ran out yesterday and now can’t afford her pills considering they’ve gone so much up in price recently due to shortages. She calms herself and thinks “oh well.. what’s a few days of no hormones gonna do..? I’ll just be more careful next time”. After three days of no testosterone blockers though her body has made a decent noticeable amount of T, and the first thing she notices is how horny she gets. She just can’t contain herself for when she meets David and for the first time in years decides to jerk off on her own. The day she meets David she’s basically feral and they have such amazing sex together, although David definitely notices the few pounds she’s put on by now. Most of it’s seemingly going to her hips and ass though so he’s not complaining.

End of part 1.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super 084

It’s Kriller Time.

Here’s a cute shot of Krillin doing his day job.  There’s other stills from this episode, but you can’t beat this one of him helping a cat out of a tree. 

So last time, Goku and Gohan agreed to recruit Krillin, Android 18, and Android 17 for their team.  They approach K18 and lay out the Tournament of Power, minus the whole “losing universes will get erased thing.”

Krillin’s skeptical because he just got back into martial arts, and an event like this sounds like it’d be way out of his league, but 18 tells him to do it, if only to justify the home gym he just bought.  If he’s not going to participate in wild stuff like this, then what was the point?

But 18 refuses to join the team herself, because there’s no money in it.  So Goku makes up a whole thing about the winning team getting 10 million zeni.  That’s only 1 million when you split it ten ways, though.  Oh, then it’s 10 million per person.  Honest. 

I gotta say, all these characters look gorgeous in this episode.  Awesome stuff.

I mean look at this close-up of 18!  Bellissimo!

18 is suspicious, but she can’t turn down 10 million zeni.  So they’re both in, except Gohan wants to test Krillin out first.

So they fly out to some islands that they can use as a ring, and spar there.  Meanwhile, 18 grills Goku about that prize.  He swears it’s 100 million zeni.  Wait, you said 10 million before.  Uh.... uh...

Krillin vs. Gohan goes pretty much how you’d expect, but Krillin breaks away and flies between Gohan and the sun, then busts out his new technique: 100x Solar Flare! 

It’s so intense that Gohan can’t even sense Krillin’s ki energy, allowing Krillin to slip behind him and knock him off the island. 

So Krillin passes the audition, and now Goku wants a turn, so they change venues to...

THE SATAN BUILDING

I can’t really do this fight justice, but I’ll try to describe it.  Krillin unloads on Goku, firing lots of ki blasts and Destructo Discs.  Goku can dodge them all, but it leaves him vulnerable. 

Krillin goes in for a punch, and while Goku blocks it, when he lowers his arms he finds Krillin has hidden himself.

And while he does find Krillin and manages to flush him out, he played right into Krillin’s hands.  Because not all of those Destructo Discs were aimed at Goku.  He used one to cut a hole in the helipad they’ve been fighting on, and when Goku moves into position, it gives way underneath him. 

So Goku powers up to Super Saiyan Blue...

And Krillin doesn’t back down.  Because Krillin has big brass balls. 

What’s better than this?  Guys bein’ dudes.

So Krillin holds out pretty impressively, but 18 knows he’s bitten off more than he can chew.  But in the Tournament of Power, he wouldn’t be fighting alone, so 18 jumps in to make the save, and kicks Goku’s blast away. 

They agree to double-team Goku to continue the match, or he can bring in Gohan if he wants to even things up.  But instead Goku stops it there, and admits that he learned something from this.  He hadn’t considered the teamwork angle of this, and that might have cost him dearly if he’d gone into the Tournament without that in mind.

But since he stopped the match, Marron concludes that this makes her parents the winners.  Goku’s like “Now hold on a minute!”   You’re not fooling anyone here, Goku.  You’re a loser.  The little kid said so, and they know what’s up.

Oh, right, and Goku asks 18 where he can find 17.  All she knows is that he’s working at an animal sanctuary, but he never said where it was, and she never asked. 

Anyway, this episode ruled.  I’ve said a lot of uncharitable things about this stretch between Zamasu’s death an the actual start of the Tournament of power, and I do stand by it, but there are some good episodes in all of this.  I just find many of them to be pointless, as they advertise an event I was already sold on way back in 2013, when Beerus first told Goku that there were 12 universes.  You don’t have to do a four episode saga about the search for 17.  Goku could just look him up in the Yellow Pages. 

But I am glad that they made good use of the characters in this one.  If we’re going to have a long stretch like this, at least some good stuff came out of it.

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 30, 2004 Today didn’t start off too great. The sleep curse lives on. I figured as much anyway. At least till we get in the house. After just 4 hours of sleep, I woke up shivering my ass off. It was 57º in here. Ugh! So we warmed it up 10º after it took forever to get the heater to work. Then I had trouble falling back asleep, and when I finally did, I woke back up in no time because the sun rose fast, making it too hot. I hate these 30-degree fluctuations! Especially when you don’t live in a real house. Trying to keep the place comfortable is hard.

Fortunately, I had lots of sleep the night before so I wouldn’t be overly tired when we went to the mailbox, Denny’s, Safeway, the library, and the Work Connection.

I got quite a surprise in the mail as well as something that had me a little riled up, but first, I’m worried about Tom and his overeating. He’s literally eating till he gets sick! Not puking sick, but close enough. He seems to be doing this more and more. He says he’ll stop, but I know all too well how breaking addictions and bad habits can be much easier said than done! I wish I could bring myself to eat less, too. Not because I’m sick, but because I’m doomed to get fatter and fatter little by little if I keep it up. I know I can’t lose weight, but must it be such an ordeal keeping 30 pounds overweight? Most people end up 50 pounds overweight when they get older, so that’s part of why it’s such a struggle; I just never maxed out.

It’s storming again right now, but there’s been no rain so far. Just wind, thunder and lightning. Tom put more sealant where it leaks, but I’m sure it still will anyway, whenever it does rain hard enough, as curses are hard to break.

We have both military and commercial jets that fly over us. After the lady at the bank told us where the base is that the military jets fly out of, Tom said they won’t fly supersonic over us because it takes time to get up to supersonic speed which they couldn’t yet achieve once they’ve reached where we are. I hope he’s right!

The chipmunks here are way braver than the prairie dogs. I’m going to get awesome pictures of them when I can. They’re so cute!

To my surprise, the spider plant is recovering nicely, but the big leaf plant is still in pretty bad shock and isn’t looking like it’s going to make it.

Let me cover today’s stops before I get to what came in the mail.

At the library, I typed/printed a letter to Mary. It was 10¢ a page and I had 2 pages. Not only is their expensive landline connection super-fast, but they also have a super-fast-printing laserjet, too. It’s a good thing it wasn’t regular ink, though. I threw it on the floor in front of my seat in the truck and condensation from the AC dripped onto it. Had it been ink, it would’ve smudged.

I also browsed through a Spanish book and understood almost everything I read!

Tom went to the Work Connection and grabbed about a dozen job listings they had printed up. Things are closed on Monday, the day after July 4th, but by the next day, his black eye ought to be healed. That’s the day he’ll go to a temp agency. If they have nothing available, then he’ll get applications going for some of these clerical/computer data entry jobs.

Pizza Hut is between the library and the Work Connection. When we went to go to the truck, we saw 3 squad cars parked by Pizza Hut just minutes after I’d used their bathroom and I wonder – did they get robbed right after I left? Or maybe it was an employee dispute or a drunk and disorderly customer they couldn’t get rid of themselves.

The shocking thing to come in the mail was a card/letter from Mom. Not surprisingly, there was no money enclosed. It’s nice that she wrote, but it still pisses me off to see her go play all day in daycare, then go home to be pampered and waited on hand and foot while we could use a few of the 100 or so G’s she’s got. And she KNOWS we could use it. It was almost cruel of her to brag about the picture of a flower she made in art class that she sold for $10 when we’re so in need of money, the story of our lives!

This card proves Tom wrong in saying Mom can’t write. It’s shaky but plenty legible enough. In fact, it’s easier to read than Mary’s writing. So, if my gut instinct was right when I insisted she really could write, why would I be wrong in saying she’s my folk’s little informant?

Anyway, she said she got my nice long letter and was glad we both like Oregon, sure there are a few things that take time to get used to, but we’re young and can take it. She hopes jobs are available and says that maybe I could ride with Tom to work so I won’t have to be alone so much (I wish I could be alone for once!) I’m going to just go ahead and tell her I got a job in town simply because it’s what women do these days. Normally I don’t put up fronts or put on shows for others and I am who I am, but because this is someone who has money we so desperately need, I’m willing to say what sounds good and spin a tall tale or two.

Mom said she was shocked that no friends or relatives came to the little art festival they had. Yeah? Well, maybe they’re just sick of her selfishness! I mean, she gives us $500, and sure that’s something, but she has brains enough to know we need thousands, not hundreds.

The funny part was when she said that Miss Perfect had a bad spell with the allergies. There’s no doubt that Arizona’s one of the worst states for that shit! Still, Miss Perfect’s always, always sick, thanks to my spells. To the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb, I was singing, Mary had another spell, ‘nother spell, ‘nother spell…

We had another storm. This one brought lots of rain, though it didn’t last long. Sure enough, the vents just had to leak, but not the one in the bathroom where it wouldn’t matter. The overhead window that he put stuff on didn’t leak. I was surprised.

I’m using my book light to write this so as not to have to use this heap of shit’s battery.

Later…

Again it’s raining. This time it’s just a steady rain without the thunder and lightning. The storms here are somewhat monsoon-like. Not too wild, not too mild. During the two weeks we’ve been here that it didn’t rain, I was wondering just how this place was able to stay so green and lush, but now I see. We really wish we’d created some sort of a makeshift cistern!

The idiots at Incense Galore did fuck up. Yeah, I knew they would. I know 95% of the male population is brain-dead, but again, instinct says they’re trying to drive my business away. Well, last night I noticed they left out Carefree, and today, I discovered that Angel, one of my favorites, isn’t really Angel. They substituted it with something else as they did with the Fruit oil, the stupid idiots!

TUESDAY, JUNE 29, 2004 The storm turned out to be rather pleasant. Nothing too fierce or too wimpy, but it would really, really be nice if we could be in a place that didn’t leak when it rained!

Today we went to the Laundromat. They’re so much nicer here. You don’t have a zillion lazy welfare bums with a dozen screaming kids tearing throughout the place. Kids in general seem to be more civilized here, but only somewhat more as kids are still kids.

Tom did email and updated his résumé, but didn’t fill out any job applications. I just hope he’s employed before the money runs out. Besides, I’m sick of never having 5 minutes to myself! I don’t want to sing when he’s here as I don’t want to give him a splitting headache as loud as I am, and besides, if I wanted an audience when it came to that I’d still be sitting here wishing I could break into the music business somehow.

We got a few things at the grocery store, including a book light.

Tomorrow we’re going out again, then we’re not going out for 4 days which I’ll hope and pray Tom gets called for a job interview if he can fill any applications out tomorrow. A part of me wonders if he’s stalling just to annoy me, but he won’t spite himself to spite others, so when the money gets low, he’ll step on it.

MONDAY, JUNE 28, 2004 Tom’s 47th birthday is very cloudy and thunderous. Not much in the way of rain yet. I wish it would pour like hell so we can finally see how bad it’s going to leak in here.

My incense came today and when I started pulling scents out like Citronella of all things and Amber and Sunflower and Hawaiian Rain, I thought they really fucked up badly. Then I realized they were the freebies I forgot to get! I was like – damn! That’s 7 more scents I could’ve had. I decided to give the ones I didn’t like to the young girl who works at the storage place. She seems nice and I don’t know anyone else to give them to. I’d rather give them away than dump them if possible.

Tom likes the vanilla, though I think it’s too mild. I told him he could have it, along with my $37 of business profits leftover from Arizona, for his birthday.

We opened an account with US Bank and they let us deposit the BOA check. There’s a 5-day hold on it, though. A really nice chatty lady opened an account for us. The people here in general seem chattier which is ok as long as I don’t have to live with them. I do make it a point to be friendly and at least a little sociable so God won’t force these people on me in any way. I figured that if I show at least a bit of friendliness when someone strikes up a conversation with me, the less likely He’ll be to find some reason to trap me in the city with them.

After the bank, we had pizza at Pizza Hut for the third time since we came here, then we went to the library to check our email. I also signed up for more freebies. Tom would’ve filled out applications, but because of his black eye, he decided to wait. Is something trying to stall him from working? Well, I just hope he isn’t jobless for too much longer! Not just because we need the money, but because I need some damn space! He’s always, always there and I really feel smothered at times. The only time I have to myself is when he’s sleeping, and still, he’s there. Always there. He offers to go outside to give me space, and that’s sweet of him, but I’d feel guilty for having him do so, so I just deal with his constant presence.

I’m burning Amber now. It’s so-so. Not anything to sic on the storage girl, but not worth getting again, though this was one of the freebies. There are only 2 of the 4 freebies I don’t like. I just wish I’d remembered to be the one to choose them! The Indian Fruit is good. I’ll add it to my favorites.

Later…

It’s raining now, and sure enough, we had to play Leak and Bucket in a few areas of the overhead. See, I may’ve brought the noise curse into this relationship, as I told him, but he brought the leak curse in. Never did I have this problem before we met and I grew up in a place that has a lot of rain. Ever since we’ve known each other, every house and vehicle we’ve had/have has had leaks of various kinds.

Well, it took two weeks to find a spider in here, so that’s good. It’s also good that it was small.

SUNDAY, JUNE 27, 2004 Last night we ran the heat as we let it get too cool in here too early by keeping the windows open well after the sun began to set. At least it works and so does the refrigerator.

They say we’re to have isolated T-storms all week. I was wondering when it was going to rain here. It’ll be interesting to see how the rain is here. I’m sure it doesn’t come down as heavy as it can in Arizona. I just hope this shit RV doesn’t leak too much! We moved the thing over to where we’re going to be building. The view isn’t as nice here and the brush piles we’re closer to sure are ugly, but it’s only temporary. Plus, we’ll burn most of the brush sooner or later.

I heard two gunshots yesterday and Tom heard one the day before. They were nothing like Maricopa’s constant pop, pop, pops, thankfully. Wasn’t nearly as loud either. I doubt you’d hear it in a house.

Tom said he saw a rat, though it wasn’t nearly as big as ours. I thought I saw one today too, but can’t be sure. It may’ve been a mouse or even a lizard as fast as it was.

The good news is that he set the satellite up so we could go online. The bad news is that he got assaulted by one of his tools, the poor guy, and now he has a black eye. He was holding a ratchet wrench overhead when it slipped out of his hand and hit him on the cheekbone. He wanted to get a new license tomorrow, his birthday, but not with a black eye!

Between today and yesterday, I did a lot online. Of course, the whole ensemble took forever to set up, but it was worth it. I caught up on my Webshots pictures and signed up for a new round of freebies.

Next time I’ll empty the picture card so I can start taking pictures of this Pacific Northwest beauty! As I said, the only things missing from the landscape are the palms and cactuses.

I’m hoping to print too, but I may have to wait till I can get new cartridges as I’m sure the heat dried up the ones I have.

We made 3 stops today. First we went to the storage place to use their hose to fill up our jugs and dump our trash. Tom was constantly being chased down at one point by a yellow jacket. It just wouldn’t leave him alone and it was so funny! Usually, when you move away a good 20’ or so, they give up on you, but the thing just wouldn’t give up on him. Not even after hitting it a million times! He finally realized it was attracted to a part of his shirt that was bright yellow and so he folded it over.

Our second stop was back to that Chinese place where I got heaping portions of fries, egg foo young, sweet-n-sour chicken and pork fried rice. He got a burger and fries.

Our last stop was the grocery store. I didn’t get any food there because I got so much at the restaurant. Enough to bring here to share with the rats. I did get a book that looks really good, but I want to get a book light before I do any reading as the light here is awfully dim. Plus, it’s behind my book so it doesn’t illuminate the print well.

I also got a wind-up timer for when I bounce and some more earplugs.

FRIDAY, JUNE 25, 2004 We were out for a good 6 hours today. Before we left, we were overwhelmed by the smell of gas. Tom got out, found there was a leak in the hose, then ran to turn the motor off before it caught fire. I swear we can’t even go a week without vehicle trouble! We are so, so cursed in that department. Fortunately, he was able to fix it.

Our first stop was at the storage place to drop off a few more things we won’t be needing anytime soon.

Our second stop was at the mail place. Sure enough, there was nothing for me. He got quite a surprise, though. A check for $374 from BOA. We’re not even sure what it’s for. Something to do with something we didn’t need to pay for. The catch is, though, the fuckers wrote out a third-party check, making it a bitch to cash. We went to a BOA branch, but they wouldn’t cash it without certain forms of ID which he didn’t have. So he used their service phone to see if he could find out why they’d send him a check he couldn’t cash, other than to play with him, and sure enough, they hung up on him as soon as he gave his name. That’s BOA’s favorite thing to do; hang up when the call pertains to Tom S. So after he ran up their phone bill a bit and I stuck my gum under their counter, we decided to contact the credit union down in Arizona about mailing it to them to cash. We could cash it at a check-cashing place, but they’d want a huge chunk of it just to do it.

After dealing with those assholes, we went to a place similar to Home Depot to compare lumber prices. They had these really cool wind chimes I’m going to get some time that are made of wood rather than metal.

We went to a Chinese/American restaurant that was excellent. He even tried their eggflower soup and admitted it was good. His cheeseburger and fries were cooked to perfection. My pork fried rice was so-so, but the egg foo young was the best ever. I look forward to getting some fries in the future for myself, along with glazed chicken and crab rangoons.

I hung out at the library for an hour while he did job research right around the corner at The Work Connection. Except for a lonely old man who wouldn’t shut up at times, it was nice to be able to browse the web, even though I couldn’t download anything.

When I checked my email, I was delighted to find a shipping notification from the incense people saying it was shipped today. That’d put it here Monday which can’t come fast enough! You know how I crave my smells as much as most crave sweets. I really thought they either forgot all about me or that it went to someone else.

Hand-dipped incense sure does dry fast in an RV! I’m already enjoying the Chocolate, Brown Sugar, Vanilla Musk and Watermelon I dipped.

Monday I’ll have Black Henry, Blueberry, Bump & Grind, Butter Rum, Carefree, Carnation, Chamomile, Angel, Egyptian Gods, First Kiss, Forbidden Fruit, Gingerbread, Happy, Hollyberry, Hugo Boss, HP Guiltier, Indian Fruit, Oriental Nights, Magnolia, Patchouli Rose, Pleasure, Pear, Rose Geranium, Sexy, Somali Rose, English Rose, Unforgettable & Vanilla.

Tom didn’t apply for a job today but found half a dozen or so promising ones. The only thing he won’t do, besides work for BOA, is truck driving. He doesn’t dig driving and he sure as hell hated driving the RV, which we’re moving tomorrow, closer to the construction site.

We’re not completely sure what we’re going to build; a 2-story dome or two 1-story domes that are connected. Maybe we’ll start with something small to get moved in faster, then expand later. As it is we agreed to compromise on the fence. Instead of a complete 5-strand fence, we’re just going to do a 3-strand fence in areas people could drive in through. Later we’ll add more strands or a grid for the inevitable dogs and kids that’ll end up with us.

We saw someone drive by for the first time since we came here nearly two weeks ago. It was a guy with a big dog that he let out to roam around loose while he checked out some land. He never exited his truck, though it was obvious he was looking at land, then backed up to where the dog was, which started to come onto our land. Then he turned around and left.

The people a few lots down are gone, too. Maybe they really were just camping.

Because we don’t plan to go out tomorrow, we stopped at the grocery store after stopping at DQ for blizzards. Since I ate so much today I only got a bag of chips and some freshly picked raspberries.

I also finally managed to find some postcards. I got 6 different scenes I’ll be sending both Mary and Mom one by one. After I mail Mary a card and a letter on Monday, that’s it till I hear from her. I want to make sure she’s gotten the cards and letters I’ve sent so far and my book before I go sending more.

Tom finished College Romance which he agrees is better than Imprisoned Love. Only this idiot here got the last 6 pages out of order! Hope I didn’t do that with Mary’s copy, though I’d think she’d have told me if I had.

My skin’s been a bit less dry here and my lungs are a lot less tight.

THURSDAY, JUNE 24, 2004 Today was the first day in roughly two weeks when we weren’t on the road. I’m sure the truck appreciates the break as well.

Tom got up early as he usually does, and I slept till noon.

We rearranged some more and blew my exercise ball back up today and I did a half-hour bounce. I was rather dismayed to find I’m still 130 pounds, but not surprised. I hold my weight very well as do most people my age. It’s just that I feel smaller and I haven’t eaten nearly as much since we got here. I’ve cut way, way back. Oh well. That’s just life with a slow metabolism.

I was also dismayed but not surprised to hear Tom say he saw military planes fly over. He said he wasn’t sure if they were the kinds of planes that boom, and suggested that maybe they were headed for the ocean if they were. I’m sure we’ll hear them at some point either way. I just hope it isn’t any more than we had to hear them in Maricopa.

Yesterday and the day before were quite warm. It didn’t get so cold in here come early morning and I could sleep in a sleeveless shirt instead of a long-sleeved one. Today it only reached the mid-80s.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 23, 2004 We weren’t in town too long today. Just long enough to do laundry and go to the grocery store so we don’t have to go out tomorrow for a change, even though I’ll miss having a real meal to get filled up on at least once during the day. It’s just that eating out gets too expensive and we can’t fit much in here. Besides, without a microwave or a refrigerator that works, we’re limited as to what we can get. Lastly, I have to eat as little as possible so I don’t go gaining weight as I haven’t been exercising.

While I was doing the laundry, Tom went and emailed Miss Perfect, but who knows if it’ll go through? I think she had a block on, though under the circumstances she probably ran and removed it.

There’s not much else to say other than that I miss being in a real room on solid ground with a real bathroom and space enough to walk through comfortably in, and I’m kind of tired of Tom always being there. Everywhere I turn, there he is. He’s a great guy, but too much of someone is too much. Everyone needs their space, privacy, and solitude at times. Hopefully, though, he’ll be working next week.

I picked a handful of these gorgeous bluebells and put them in a cup of water.

I also dipped some incense since I can’t get them to send me any. I’m not going to call either, since it wasn’t much money we lost, just to hear some bullshit line like how they never got the order or that they really did send it. I’m not playing mail games, and besides, they now have what they wanted and that was to get rid of me as a customer. I don’t know why they wanted to get rid of me, but the fact that they seem to be fucking up more and more on me tells me they’ve obviously been trying to drive me away. Maybe they think I asked too many questions, though isn’t that what they’re there for? Either way, I’m done with them.

TUESDAY, JUNE 22, 2004 We had been confused over which of the mountains was Bly Mountain, but as it turns out, it’s Bly Mountains, plural, which means it’s all the same mountain and not one individual mountain.

We timed it and getting from the land to the paved road takes 10 minutes. It’s 40 minutes total to get to Klamath Falls.

I’ve been less tight in the lungs since we got here, though yesterday my nose was a little stuffy.

We called the 800 number of the company that makes these screen rooms and had them fax a copy of the proper instructions to his email account which we printed out at the library. It turns out we were way off! That’s ok, though, as we have to disassemble it anyway to move it and this RV toward the building site. We want to be close to where we’re going to build, and speaking of which, we may not bother doing the 10 x 25 garage since we’re going to ultimately use this RV for storage. Instead, we may do something smaller and save time and money while we’re at it. We were thinking of something that’d be around 10 x 6 for the illegal shower and 10 x 15 for the room we’ll live in till the house is built. Or built enough to move into. It won’t be completely finished when we do move in.

On our way out we saw people a few lots down from us. I don’t know if they’re getting ready to build there or just camping out. They waved to us when we returned 4 hours later. It’d be okay if they built there as they’re far enough away with all the woods between us. If it were the open desert, then they’d be a bit too close for comfort as 400-600 feet doesn’t seem like much space where it’s flat and open. We couldn’t hear or see a thing as far as they were concerned, whoever they are.

Our land is at a weird angle. It’s almost like it’s parallel with the road rather than shooting straight off of it. If someone built either in front or behind where our house is going to be, we could see them easily as opposed to those that may end up on the sides, though Tom thinks it’s unlikely anyone will ever build around us in our lifetime. We’ll see if the people/noise curse ends here or not. Only time will tell, though I can say that I’m sleeping with him better than I expected. We’re not sharing the same bed since they’re kind of narrow, but he’s not waking me up with his movements and snoring until he goes to leave the RV when he wakes up which is usually before I do. I’ve been sticking a foam earplug in the good ear when I go to sleep.

It’s so beautiful here with the butterflies and wildflowers. I just wish there weren’t so many bugs, but at least that won’t be a problem year-round like in Arizona.

It doesn’t get dark here till close to 10pm. Massachusetts does daylight savings too, but being on the west side of the country and so high in elevation and all that, it stays light pretty late.

We hooked a mouse up to this laptop. How I missed being able to use one! They make things so much faster and easier.

I’m surprised I haven’t heard from Mary, though I’m not surprised. After all, I just sent her a story I wrote, and I don’t seem to hear from her for a while after I send her one.

Today was the warmest day since we’ve been here and a bit muggy, too. It was probably in the low 90s, but still rather cool compared to Arizona.

For today’s meal, we went to Pizza Hut for the second time for pan pizza. He got his pepperoni and I got my mushroom.

We stopped at the Work Connection today and a woman who sounded like Miss Perfect gave us a little tour. Her name was Eshoni which I assume is Indian. I like it. It’s different. Maybe I’ll use it in a future book for one of my characters. They’re not a temp agency or anything like that. All they basically do is tell people what’s available. The only bad thing she had to tell us was that Oregon’s workplace is very competitive and that it had the highest unemployment rate in the nation.

The only thing that bothers me about the discrimination law is that while it says it’s illegal to discriminate against someone for their gender, race, color, religion, or political beliefs, it says nothing about sexual preference. It’s 2004 and it’s still perfectly legal to discriminate against gays! What a fucked up world we live in. We’re spending so much time catering to the wrong kinds of people while we neglect good, decent, honest people who don’t hurt anybody. We kiss the asses of groups of people who have caused nothing but one problem after another in society, yet those who just want to live in peace, get shit for rights. If gays don’t have equal rights by now, they never will any more than we’ll ever have a woman president. I can see a non-white male in our lifetime, but there’s no way a woman or a gay person will ever be allowed to be president.

The rats are still living in the truck, though we let them run around the RV at least once a day.

MONDAY, JUNE 21, 2004 I was surprised to get a letter from Bob. He says he hasn’t been hospitalized, but he has been ill. Something about needing lung and heart surgery. He also claims to have written every other week. If someone hasn’t been stealing his mail to me, then he’s gone senile.

I’m getting a bit sick of the daily trips into town just like the last time we moved. Hopefully, he’ll be working soon and I’ll be able to have some alone time here on the land.

There are a lot of seagulls around here which I love, though not up on the mountain.

I picked up some cheap incense today since I can’t get incense from Bob and Jeff. It sucks compared to theirs and it also sucks that they won’t send me what I ordered.

We stopped at the main library today to check our email. I was surprised to have only about a dozen messages, all spam, of course. We forgot to look for the screen room instructions, so we looked for it at a smaller branch with unlimited internet time (the main branch is 15 minutes), but they don’t have a website. Therefore, we’re going to call their 800 number.

We also went to the county building for info on the permits, septic, etc.

Since I expect there’ll be lots of times when I’ll have to write by hand, and since it looks like I’m months away from being able to print, I picked up a notebook today, along with some multivitamins, and even vitamins for the eyes.

My meal of the day was a blizzard from Dairy Queen. May not be the healthiest thing, but I figured it didn’t matter as long as I kept my calorie intake really low and had plenty of water and vitamins.

Since the shower in here sucks, we discussed the possibility of joining a gym somewhere just so we can take real showers. It’d be cheaper than weekly trips to motels.

I got to vacuum and rearrange in here today, so it helps to know things are cleaner and neater and that there’s a bit more space in here.

Tom also cut his hair with the haircutter while the generator was running, charging up the RV’s battery.

Today we went over this mountain’s summit and into a small dumpy town called Beatty. We got gas and water there. We also checked out Bonanza. That one looks like a quiet, pleasant little town. There’s a swimming hole not too far from here, though I doubt we’ll ever use it. Too cold, no doubt.

SUNDAY, JUNE 20, 2004 I’m stuck having to write by hand as the laptop has a wee bit too much voltage for this battery which isn’t quite fully charged at the moment. Therefore, I’ll type this up some other time.

Tom just killed an ugly worm that was walking across the roof of the RV. I can’t believe I haven’t seen any spiders in here yet.

After a day of non-stop driving, errands and work like we’ve been doing every day so far, we had a relaxing evening together. We listened to music and munched on chips while he read and I wrote. He began my College Romance story.

I think I forgot to mention that on our first day here, we went down this road which loops around to Beaver Road, then back to the main road. Well, Tom had to move two fallen trees just so we could get by! Fortunately, they were small enough. The poor guy cut up his hands and arms while he was at it.

I still feel a bit overwhelmed at the thought of living in this thing for so long. It’s been freezing in the mornings. I had to put the foam pad on top of the air mattress as it felt like I was lying in an unheated waterbed.

The thought of having to deal with the county worries me too, though I try not to let it. I’m not moving and I’m not going to do what others tell me to do. Not at my age and with land I own. I still worry they’ll tell us we’re on the wrong land and that we need to get this RV licensed here and inspected, and of course, this old piece of shit would never pass inspection. Like I said, though, I’m determined not to let anyone fuck with us. I’m not going to be pushed around and made to do this or do that, and I’m not paying for other people’s fuck-ups either.

Tom called to whine to Miss Perfect about all the things we need to spend a fortune on to set the stage for when he asks for money, though she did say to let them know if we needed money.

We walked around and scoped out where we’re going to build the house and garage.

Today we bought a screen room, but thanks to people’s stupidity, we couldn’t get it completed. That’s because the idiots enclosed instructions for a different one. So tomorrow we’ll go to the library and download the proper instructions and check our email.

This morning sucked as I was not only freezing my ass off, but the sound machine began making an obnoxious tone as its batteries crapped out, waking me up instantly after barely 5 hours of sleep. The sleep curse was put on me right around the same time the noise curse was put on me, and the thought of having to sleep with so many interruptions for God knows how many years makes me want to scream.

There’s still no saying when we’ll have the satellite set up and I can print.

I explored the abandoned trailer diagonally from us and I can’t fathom for the life of me why anyone would dump what was obviously once a beautiful trailer. It’s newer, nicer and bigger than what Dennis had. The floor of it, though, was covered with rat turds. They have packrats here. It seems to have been here for some time. It’s demolished too, with busted windows and doors.

Not a soul has driven by in the time we’ve been here. It’s way quiet and remote. I can see that there’s no way I’ll ever hear hunters to the degree that I did in Maricopa.

We’re hoping that once the house is done, Tom won’t have to work during the snowy winters. Maybe we’ll get a winter home outside of the snow zone, either way. The variety of having two places might be nice as opposed to moving. We can have vehicles for plants, even if they’re old junkers, so it looks like we’re home even when we’re not, and we’ll move them to different spots whenever we check the place out since I doubt the two places will be that far apart. Then again, you shouldn’t be able to tell if anyone’s home with a windowless garage.

Tom hopes to be employed within a few weeks. There’s this thing called The Work Connection and hopefully they’ll be helpful.

Today we went to Walmart which is where we got the screen room. I also got some air fresheners to hang in here since I can’t have my damn incense and since it’s not yet convenient to dip my own. I was surprised at the variety. When I saw they had Angel, I was hoping it was the same as Angel incense, but it wasn’t. I still got a good variety – watermelon, baby powder, vanilla, wild berries and Eternity perfume.

Even I go back on my word at times. I said no more dolls for a while, yet I got a way cute doll named Kayla. Guess she’s a new friend of Barbie’s.

Tom got a burger while at Walmart and I got KFC. That counted as our daily meal. Because I haven’t been able to bounce and am too tired to jump rope half the time, I’m limiting my snacks big time. Besides, I really want to save as much money as possible. I’d rather put the money into the garage than in my stomach, so I’m eating just enough to stay alive and healthy.

We also stopped at Home Depot today which is where we got bricks and pavers to put under two pieces of plywood so the screen room would have a floor.

SATURDAY, JUNE 19, 2004 I had hoped to finish updating yesterday, but again I got too tired.

Still haven’t gotten the incense I know I should’ve gotten by now. I knew they’d do this to me, too. It’s like they want to lose me as a customer. Well, lose me they have. I’ll either get incense somewhere else or I just won’t get any at all.

The mail has already been forwarded to us. I was a little surprised there was no mail from Mary. I told her before we left that she could start using the Oregon address.

So far there’s been no vehicle breakdowns since we arrived here. We talked about going to the California coast eventually, but I don’t know. If we do, I sure as hell won’t want to stay in a motel!

This is the second day I had just one thing to eat. I’m trying to have just one meal or snack a day to save money. Two nights ago when we were in the motel, we got personal pan pizzas at a nearby old-fashioned pizza joint. They were good. Tomorrow we’re going to do KFC for me and some other fast food place for him. They have some of the same stores here, as I told Mom and family in the letter I mailed out to them today. I’m still working on a letter for Mary.

We did our laundry at the motel. There’s a Laundromat in town on a main drag where we go for our mail that we’ll probably use. I doubt it’ll be crowded with rowdy assholes.

Anyway, it’s now time to describe our beautiful, peaceful, dogless, musicless, voiceless land. Well, this place makes Maricopa seem like it was a big bustling city! It is absolutely dead quiet. All we’ve heard is a couple of jets flying around and faint traces of large trucks going down a nearby highway that cuts through the mountain. Better yet, I think it’s at the base of the mountain. This area is either flat farmland, though not like the farms in Maricopa, thank God, or a series of mountains and valleys. We are literally the only ones on this lane (lot 13, block 80, unit 4) and literally the only ones on this particular mountaintop. Well, we’re really damn close to the mountaintop anyway, which allows for some wind to blow through, but nothing fierce like we had in Maricopa. Unlike the constant, intense winds we had down there, we have a nice breeze here. The sound of the wind whistling through the treetops is soothing.

Hasn’t rained yet, and I dread the day it does for fear of the RV leaking like crazy. Tom’s going to give the roof another coating of this rubber sealant he has.

The land is mostly of ponderosa pines and junipers, a type of evergreen. There are lots of aspens around here, but not on the land. In the midst of what is on the land, there are these tall grassy things with scattered pinecones on the ground as well. There is evidence of life here as people once camped here before it was zoned residential. The trash is minimal compared to Maricopa, and it’s very hard to see what little there is because of the grassy, hilly, treed terrain. Speaking of which, because of the terrain and climate, you really don’t need to be out this far to live in peace. They don’t always build houses on top of one another here as they do in most of Arizona. They don’t all look the same, either. Most of these houses are big and vary in shape and size, as opposed to all the square little box houses set in tight rows in Arizona. You can really breathe here.

There are lots of lovely wildflowers here. Little daisies, plus other small flowers of yellow, purple and orange.

There are lots of beautiful, colorful butterflies around here. I even picked one up by its wing for a few seconds. We don’t care for the mosquitoes, but at least we no longer have to peek under the stairs for rattlesnakes or worry about scorpions or giant spiders. I haven’t seen any spiders yet, but I know they’re here. I see enough of their webs in the trees.

You really need to be as virtually fearless as Tom and I are to live here. It’s way remote. Yes, the thought of being so far out if we had a medical emergency is a bit unnerving, but it’s worth it. I think a lot of people would be scared to live way out here in the woods, your classic slasher movie setting! We tease each other about Jason jumping out from behind a tree in his hockey mask. Or was that Michael Myers?

Anyway, it’s gorgeous. I’ll miss the cactuses and the palms, but the woods are so peaceful and beautiful. The mountains are lovely as well. The air is clean, crisp and cool. I don’t look forward to the bitter cold and the snow, though.

The woods have both open and dense spots, but with our nearest neighbor a mile away, it doesn’t need such density. Most people don’t want to go where there’s no power. I realized that if it was too dense we couldn’t get in so easily, let alone haul in materials for the house and have room to build in. The more brush and trees we have to clear, the harder it’ll be. When the Brady Bunch joins us, we can always fill in any gaps with whatever. Still, some of it is so dense that a house could be barely 200’ away and you wouldn’t know it.

I can hang my wind chimes on the trees here easily. Couldn’t do that on the few tall Palo Verde’s and mesquites we had in Maricopa.

I feel very comfortable here. I grew up in the woods so I’m used to it. It’s similar to the woods in Massachusetts, just not so humid. The temperature’s been in the high 70s to low 80s. It’s gorgeous during the daytime, but chilly late nights and early mornings. I was surprised to see that they have dust devils in the more open spots.

Instead of having hundreds of smelly cows like that dairy farm had on the way to Casa Grande, there’s a series of green pastures with scattered horses and cows mixed in grazing. They don’t stink at all.

The mountains are similar to Arizona, although they’re greener and scattered with trees, rather than brown and rocky. There are even patches of sage that look like they could be in Arizona. It looks more like New England, though New England’s more hilly than mountainous.

The land and properties are way cleaner and neater than in Maricopa where everyone was such slobs. I know a big factor in that is that most of the people here are white. I’ve been out every day since we got here and have only seen a few blacks and Mexicans. Now that’s something I can get used to! I was so fed up with their shit.

Our land is hillier than we realized which we like. It’s not too hilly to build on, but hilly enough to provide even more privacy.

I love how there are no biting ants while there are lots of squirrels and chipmunks. I’ve already begun feeding them. I got so close to one of the chipmunks that I could see its whiskers. We’ve even seen lizards here.

The view at the end of the street is spectacular. It drops down into a valley and you can see another mountain straight across. Actually, all around most of our land, there are gaps where it drops off and you can see distant mountains. I can’t wait to take pictures, but who knows how long it’ll be before I can do that or get online or print? I could probably print tomorrow when we fire up the generator, but setting up the satellite is another issue.

The rats run around the RV at times, but we moved them to the back of the truck so I could get a little more peace in the RV. We’re going to put them in the screen room we plan to get tomorrow during the daytime and then toss them in the back of the truck at night. They were staging little fights to get attention and getting on my nerves.

I was shocked when Tom said that this area looks a lot like northern Arizona, but I’m still glad we left that state. We wanted a state where you could gamble from home and without so much of the reverse discrimination and insane laws mixed in.

There are some small towns between here and Klamath Falls (I don’t think this place has a name) like Olene, Dairy and Bonanza. We’re about an hour and 15 minutes from the California border.

They don’t let you pump your own gas in this state for some reason, but so far we both like Oregon better. I just hope we don’t get forced out by the snow, as we are in a snow zone being so high up, and into town in an RV park. We came here to get away from people, so it’d suck if circumstances forced us back with them. On the other hand, dogs and people aren’t going to be outside stirring up a ruckus in the wintertime in this place.

Food prices are similar to Arizona’s, but the cost of living is way cheaper. It used to be cheaper in Arizona too, till it became more in demand.

As I said before, we were worried this wasn’t our land, but Michael gave us the number of a nice couple who came out this morning on ATVs with a cute little dog, and they say we are on our land. Together we stepped off the perimeters, but we still intend to get a surveyor out here. It’ll be costly at around $300, but this way we know for sure we’re not on the wrong land. The reason it’s so expensive is that if the surveyors tell us we’re on the right land when we’re not, they have to pay for us to move.

I really hope these people know what they’re talking about because I do not want to move. Makes me feel like I’m in jail again with the threat of having to move when I like it just fine where I am. The land we thought was ours is much too dense, and while it’s great for privacy, we have enough privacy as it is and we need room to haul things in and to build in, as I said before. It also has huge piles of brush. Dead trees that I guess the county gathered up to lower the danger of forest fires, which would be excellent firewood for us.

I am going to be so pissed if we pay the surveyor money to find we’re on the wrong land and that Michael’s people can’t tell us where it is for sure. If this is the case, we’re not paying for his mistake. Our days of paying for other people’s mistakes are over. Instead, we’ll deduct the surveyor fee from our land payments if we can’t get him to reimburse us. If it is our land, then we’re responsible for the fee.

We found out from this couple (the woman was from Phoenix) that the person who bought the land next to us traded it in for another piece next to someone they knew. As they said, yes we could end up with neighbors building around us, but they don’t think we will. It wouldn’t surprise me if we did only because of our history. We asked about other available parcels just out of curiosity and weren’t impressed with what was available. There were pieces further out (the drive to town is long enough) or that were too rocky.

We just have to be careful not to get lost as Tom already did when exploring the woods. You really can’t see very far in most spots. When you’re not peeking through openings across valleys and onto other mountains, you can’t see much at all.

I asked the woman about dangerous wildlife and she said she heard one person say they saw a bear in the 9 years she’s been here, and she’s seen a mountain lion once. No need to worry, though, since they’re so rare and are afraid of people.

She also said that the winters vary and that she has seen up to 5’ of snow here. Yuck!

Another thing I haven’t mentioned yet is the abandoned trailer on the property diagonally from ours. It can only be seen from a few places on our land, but it’s there, nonetheless. I wish we could get it over here as we could use all the room we can get. Living in less than 200 square feet is no fun! We’re making it more and comfier little by little, though. Tom’s snoring hasn’t been such a big deal, but his movements can be since they shake the whole RV like they did with Dennis’ trailer. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss his old piece of shit! It was bigger and nicer than this thing. At least his toilet, sink and shower/tub were all separate. Here, the bath is no bigger than a phone booth. It’s terrible! I don’t see how a large person can get by in it. I know I barely can. The toilet, sink and shower are all one. You have to close the toilet’s cover and sit on that just to take a shower, but at least there’s a foothold there to make shaving easier, unlike in the Motel 6 we recently stayed at. Even so, we decided to keep this thing and use it for storage once we’re out of it because we’d have to license it in this state in order to sell it and it just wouldn’t be worth it. Besides, we really could use it for stuff and make the place look a little more populated than it really is. No one’s driven down this road since we’ve been here, but still, it adds security that never hurts.

I never did describe the RV. It’s pretty simple. There’s the cab with the overhead, then the bath, closet and kitchen are behind the driver’s seat. Behind the passenger’s seat is a bench and table we turned into a bed. I got a twin air mattress and that makes it much comfier. There’s a bed along the back of the RV as well which is where Tom’s sleeping. The refrigerator and back door are wedged between the two beds and there’s a scattering of cabinets. We can’t wait to put up the illegal shower we plan to set up inside a shed that inspectors won’t know about, and the garage/room we decided on in Arizona for $1600. We’d prefer compost toilets over a septic system, but we may not get a choice. For $50 a month, the county will provide us with a porta-potty, so we learned today from the couple (Tom’s going to talk to the county next Monday) and they’ll even empty it, too. That’d be nice to have on top of the RV’s shithole.

When we first arrived here, we backed the truck off the trailer and turned the trailer into a U-Haul. The storage place was closed so we made two trips there the next day and then another the day after that.

We went to Dairy Queen a few times. I always loved their burgers and fries, but here they suck.

I got a Barbie-like ballerina doll and decided that that’d be it in the doll department for quite some time to come.

Tom’s hoping for a job at the Home Depot to get discounts on building supplies, but I don’t vibe it.

For just a buck, since I haven’t been able to bounce yet, I got a colorful jump rope with shiny handles, but haven’t even been able to use that yet. I’ve either been too busy or too tired. Tomorrow I should be able to bounce in the screen room, though. It should be 10 x 13, the size of my Maricopa office.

FRIDAY, JUNE 18, 2004 We’re in the RV now and I’m determined to finish my updating tonight. We plugged the laptop into a converter which will allow me to type for hours. The laptop’s battery, however, wouldn’t let me type much more than an hour or two if even that.

The Barstow motel was the worst one of all. They mentioned they were doing a lot of remodeling there, and I honestly believed they were moving furniture around above us when we both got woken up at one point. Tom, a heavy sleeper, was able to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t go back to sleep for a few hours. I had to wait till people would quit slamming things around. I lay there wondering just why would they need to come and go so much. And why would they need to run around the rooms so much? You’d think they were moving in and setting up months’ worth of stuff. It was horrible!

This particular motel, the Desert Inn, had rock-hard beds, but a small refrigerator and a microwave. It was also cheaper than the Motel 6 which had softer beds, but no extras. They didn’t even give you Kleenex, let alone shampoo or lotion. The rooms in both places were so small, too. We stood in the Motel 6 in Klamath Falls, Oregon last night, as well as when we broke down in Merced, California.

After leaving Barstow, we passed some absolutely huge and breathtaking mountains. How I wished we had a decent camera! I took what pictures I could, but then I filled the card up and couldn’t take anymore.

We also passed an airplane graveyard, but I couldn’t see that from my vantage point. I could see the windmill forest, though. We passed a lot of cornfields and orange groves along the way. Some marshlands too, with cranes, geese and ducks.

We stayed at the Arizona rest stop the first night, the chaotic Barstow motel the next, then we broke down the next day. What was scary about it was that it was Sunday, but fortunately, his brother Steven came to our rescue. We could’ve walked or taken a cab to a motel, but it was nice of him to give us a ride. He and Carol live in Madera so it took him a half-hour to get to us. I swear he sounds exactly like Miss Perfect. The way he talks is a total carbon copy of her, but he was nice, nonetheless.

We had three scares along the way. The first day, some idiot nearly ran us off the road, making the truck wobble back and forth like hell.

Then in Merced, a center bearing on the RV broke and we didn’t know how long or how much money it’d take to fix it. Fortunately, a manufactured home dealer let us park on their lot and we were able to get it in there in the first place, and fortunately, the part only cost $16 and he could get a guy in a machine shop to press it on the next day. As bad as it was, it could’ve been much worse. We could’ve been rendered completely immobile on a dangerous part of the freeway, the part could’ve been expensive, and we could’ve had to empty out the RV with no place to put our stuff so it could be towed, ending up costing a grand. The thought of how bad it could’ve been makes me shudder. I was wondering if something was trying to stop us from getting here. Tom said he thought it might be a test to see how badly we wanted to get here.

As pissed as I was and as frustrating as being stuck in Merced was, I had to laugh when I thought of how I’d have killed to be stuck in California when I was all alone and lonely with no life back east.

The final scare was when we got stuck once we finally did get here. I said to Tom, “Well, this can’t be a test to see how bad we want to get here since we are here.” Yet when we drove up the mountain our land is on and was so close to the land, we took a wrong turn and went down a road that was squeezed in between some very dense woods. I mean, it was so heavily wooded that a person couldn’t walk through some of it, let alone drive through it. The pine tree branches were scraping alongside the RV as we went down the road only to come face to face with a locked gate! It turned out that the road was really someone’s driveway. Getting the RV and truck turned around was hell and it took us the better part of an hour. I had to go out and spot for him, and still, it was hard.

We ate at Denny’s a couple of times along the way and made it to Woodland, California on the 14th where we ate inside a Walmart. I got a refreshing salad that was way more than I could eat, so I shared it with the rats like I usually share most of what I eat with them scavengers. It was there that we picked up bottles of water, some snacks for the road, and a few postcards. One for Mom, Miss P and Dave, and two for Mary.

I mailed them on the 16th from our new mail place. It’s pretty cool. All you do is hand them your outgoing mail. You can also get to your box 24/7, 7 days a week. The main door is open during business hours, but after that, all you have to do is punch in a code. The only thing you can’t get just any time is packages. It’s a private business run by a pleasant family. The PO usually delivers mail by 10:00.

When we first got here, Tom pointed out that the people here don’t seem happy till we met the girl running the storage place who seemed uppity and told us she lived just 15 minutes past the California border. When we saw how friendly they were at the mail place, I jokingly said to Tom, “They must live in California.”

Anyway, it usually takes 10 days for mail to be forwarded, so if I’ve got mail from Mary waiting for me, it’s news to me. I just better get my damn incense without a fight! That I had sent here.

I haven’t yet found any postcards in this state because this particular area isn’t very touristy.

I’m getting better at psyching things out on command because, by the time we reached Willows, California, Tom asked for a vehicle vibe. I thought about it for a while and concentrated really hard. Suddenly, I knew we’d be okay and that we’d make it to Oregon with no more breakdowns. This he was as glad to hear as I was to sense.

With all the bad vibes gone, we stayed at a rest stop in that town. It was pretty damn hot but not as bad as the first rest stop was.

The most awesome scenery came on the final day of the trip as we passed through the Mount Shasta area. It was like, wow! The breathtakingly gorgeous green mountains with little wildflowers against the snowcapped mountain were quite impressive. We saw parts of Lake Shasta as well.

THURSDAY, JUNE 17, 2004 Oregon…

We finally made it to Oregon! We got here on the 15th as I predicted. So far I like it better than Arizona, but first I want to cover other things.

Although I’ve gotten more sleep along the way than expected, I’m still pretty beat a lot of the time with the fixed schedule I’ve been on. I don’t want to get more and more backed up in my writing, so I’ll do some updating, despite being tired.

Before I left I ordered free address labels from the same people I got Maricopa labels from with our new address so we’ll have those handy. I won’t go for a new round of some of the other freebies I got down there until we get back online and that could very well be weeks from now. I know that the more I want whatever I’m expecting in the mail, the more I have to fight for it, so I’ll have to go to the library to see if there’s any email from Incense Galore explaining why I haven’t gotten the incense I should’ve gotten by now. We placed a tiny retail order the day before we left so I wouldn’t have to have such large quantities of the new scents I wanted to try and maybe end up hating half of them. Maybe I’ll just call them instead.

The cell phone provider we were using doesn’t service this part of Oregon, so they assigned Tom a new number. Still, it’s a real pain for him because he has to punch in the number twice. We got a new phone I’m going to activate soon, and eventually he’ll get a new one, too.

We got a hold of Miss Perfect for the first time since we got here. She got my letter and the Arizona postcard, but not the California one yet.

Tom also spoke to a friend of the guy who was supposed to show us how to get to our land (the guy’s out of town). We found the land ourselves, or at least we thought we did. The more Tom studied the maps, the more it looked like we were on the wrong lot and that ours was the next property over.

Anyway, backing up to Arizona – I am so, so glad that part is over! There’s still an overwhelming amount of work to do here and so little money with which to do it, but at least we’re here. Once we know for sure where our land is, we can begin making progress, even if it’ll be very slow.

There was so much to do during the last few days we were in Arizona. As usual, I was right and he was wrong when I said we’d run out of time to get rid of things and that he was foolish for waiting till the last minute. Same with how much space we’d have for packing things. I told him it wasn’t quite as much as he thought it was. We left behind 80% of our belongings, and that includes the tall bamboo palm I had. I ended up selling it. I had to go as low as $5 to get rid of it, but I’d have just left it if I couldn’t sell it, and to tell you the truth, I wish I’d left the others as well. Well, maybe not the palm, but there was so little room. It was worse than A Tower’s cramped cells! The poor big leaf plant got so beat up. That, the palm, and the spider plant are all outside right now. I don’t know if they’ll live, but I don’t really care anymore. There are more important things to worry about right now than plants, and I’m not going to buy any more. I vowed to not play the damn “starting over” game unless it’s in ways I absolutely have to.

I saw the big leaf plant planted by several houses and one of the motels we stayed in when we were in California. Someone I spoke to said it might be a banana tree, but its trunk sure looked like a palm tree on some of the ones that were between 10-15 feet tall.

We didn’t want to cancel the electricity down there until we left in case there was a delay, and there was. We got a late start taking off on Friday.

The day before that, he called Huey’s assistant to let him know we’d leave the keys in the lockbox on the side of the house and gave him the code.

We ran out of time and had to leave both the inside and outside of the house trashed, and as usual, Tom was paranoid about it. I reminded him how put out we’ve been by others and how much we’ve had to do on account of others and that someone else picking up after us a bit won’t kill them. Huey got a smoking deal off of us, so I wouldn’t complain about having to put forth a little elbow grease if I were him. I’d just be grateful to have gotten what I got. Also, some of the stuff we left was rather nice, and he can always afford to hire someone to clear it all out if he doesn’t want to do it himself. He’s rather loaded. I don’t feel bad about it, though. We got $5,000 and he’s going to get well over $100,000, so I say let someone else clean up and sweat a little for us for a change.

He did manage to sell the Ford Taurus at the last minute to a teenage kid in that Mexican family. He was originally going to ask $350, but when he discovered the heat-cracked windshield he dropped it to $250, then to $140 when he saw that the taillights were shot, too.

The Mexicans also ended up getting the airbed as the winner of it emailed us to say they couldn’t pick it up by Thursday. Also, as we knew was the case, the bedroom set winner was just playing with us, so that went to them, too.

We spoke to a few people who’ve been to Oregon and no one had anything bad to say about it, so that’s good.

It’s scary to know that if Teddy Bear had come around like she said she would and I had been foolish enough to dump love for lust, then broken up with her in time and tried to get back with Tom, he would’ve been gone. Long gone without a trace. And I’m sure his family wouldn’t have divulged his whereabouts either. But I was smart enough to know in the end that her looks would’ve faded while his love would remain forever.

In the end, Tom said he thinks it might’ve been better if he’d only taken his clothes, tools and computer and I’m starting to wonder if I should’ve taken just my necessities, along with my computer. As it is I’m seriously considering not buying any more dolls. Porcelain dolls can be hard to get, there are more important things to spend our money on, and I don’t want to have to move or sell them when we move again in 1-6 years.

That was the eighth car stereo to blast by the Motel 6 we’re now in in the course of 10 minutes. The car stereos are worse here and in California, but it makes sense, too. Oregon and California aren’t nearly as strict as Arizona, so when they started enforcing the damn things, the Arizonans were quicker to tone it down. Why tone it down here if they’re just going to frown upon you for it, whereas in Arizona you practically get executed for everything?

Anyway, I was a bit tearful the final night and during our last trip out the door. Upon completing the entry before the last one, I sat back, gazed around my office and realized it was the last entry I’d ever write in that office, reached forward and turned off my computer. Although it was a sad thought, I thought of all the sad, infuriating and frustrating entries I’d written in that house along the way, and reminded myself of all the reasons I wanted to move, despite how lovely the house was which I know I’ll miss for a while. Especially the shower! Tom was worried I’d regret leaving Arizona. I hope I won’t and I don’t think I will.

We first thought this move would be easier than the last because we were taking so little, but we both agreed it was much harder. It’s hard to cram stuff into such small spaces, for one, and we didn’t have a 5-day drive the last time, nor did we have to go longer than 4 months before we could get in the house. We’ll be playing RV for close to a year before we can move into the garage, and God knows how many years it’ll be before we get just the shell of the dome up. It’s going to be rough as hell for quite some time, so it better be worth it in the end.

Like I said, it’s been non-stop work, work, work. You’d think I’d have lost some weight, but I haven’t, since all the work in the world doesn’t matter when you stuff yourself at my age. I intend to stop that real soon. Not to lose weight, but to save money.

It’s hard for me to concentrate with all the bumps and bangs and the cruising stereos. See, originally we were going to spend one night a week in a motel to have a real shower and some space, but the “real shower” is crap. It’s just a little shower stall with no foothold to make shaving easier, no real water pressure, no nothing. So why pay $200 a month when the RV shower’s no worse, just to have space and listen to all the door slamming and whatever else it is these people do? Motels are just too noisy. I don’t know why, but they are. Maybe it’d be better if it was a hotel and it was winter. I’ve been to lots of motels and hotels before the noise curse was put on me and I never heard a thing. Now, they just can’t seem to sit still. They go in and out constantly as late as midnight, they have to stop and gab outside our door, they throw shit around their rooms, walk like elephants, blare TVs, slam doors and drawers, and so on and so forth. It’s just terrible! I’m going to be woken up by Tom as it is, though he says he can sleep in the back of the truck just fine until it gets really cold which is really sweet of him, but I wouldn’t make him do that.

I seem to be jumping around a bit, so let me get back to Arizona.

A day or two before we left I got a red T-shirt dress and a Trendy-Bendy Barbie at Walmart, figuring I could use a treat in the midst of all the stress I was going through.

Sometimes I wonder what the point of living really is when all you do is struggle to get ahead so much of the time, and when you finally manage to do so, you get kicked back down. Almost the entire trip was a nightmare. We broke down as I predicted, and the whole trip was spent just hoping we’d get to Oregon in one piece, and sweating like pigs till we reached northern California. I never could’ve handled the heat 12 years ago, and barely could this time around either since I had to spend so much time in it. I got a bad sunburn as well as sun poisoning, and Tom was also burned as well as miserable during the drive because the engine, which is between the two seats and has worn insulation between it and its cover, was really hot on his feet.

Our shit was also falling on and off throughout the trip. The scanner went down at one point and I’d be very surprised if it still works. It’s a good thing they’re pretty cheap and that I don’t use them very much. It chipped the big leaf plant’s pot when it fell.

Another annoyance was the flying dirt from the spider plant by the window that Tom was silly enough to leave open when we went to take off.

As I told Mary, we weren’t being gently led by the hand by whatever decided, along with us, that we were destined to live here. Yanked by the hair was more like it!

At 40’ long, riding in the city where the traffic was heavier was scary, and riding in remote areas was scary as well, for fear of being stranded due to the breakdowns we can’t seem to escape.

Getting back to the last day – Tom drove the truck up onto the trailer and strapped it down before loading its cab and the roof up. That was another nerve-wracking thing during the ride; fearing things would fall off the roof. It had a damn good trailer, though. It had a hydraulic brake to keep it from pushing into the RV when the RV would slow down. It also had a safety chain attached to a break if the hitch let go. We were probably 2-3 thousand pounds overloaded which is yet another thing that made the drive shaky. It was way treacherous and stressful. No doubt the hardest trip of our lives. It’s very hard to control any vehicle that’s bogged down like both the truck and RV were.

It took us hours to load up, and when we walked out the door that last time, I was in tears, though I got over it quickly. I may miss the shower and having a home to live in, but I don’t miss it in general. I’m looking forward to a better life and house here. Tom felt bad, though, which made me feel worse. I mean, I didn’t mean to worry him or bring him down in any way, so I assured him I’d be ok, and I was. Just tired and tense. Like I said, it was a hell of a trip!

So after my teary goodbye to our house, the saguaro and Joshua tree scenery along the way was gorgeous despite the sweltering heat.

Because we were off to such a late start, we stopped at a rest stop about 80 miles from Needles, California shortly before sundown as we did not want to be on the road after dark. I think it was somewhere between Buckeye and Quartzite. I wrote letters to Mom and Mary and did up postcards I got at a tourist shop/eatery we stopped at before we settled at the rest stop. I got Mom a wildlife postcard and one for Mary as well. Then I also got Mary one of a p-dog and one of a rattlesnake.

We got a pizza there, and for $16, I also got a way nice, way realistic figurine of a cocker spaniel. Then again, it’s covered with real goat fur, so I don’t know if it’d be called a figurine. I don’t even know what it’s made of. It seems too light to be plaster of Paris, so maybe it’s made of Styrofoam.

At one point Tom asked how it felt to be homeless and I had to admit that being homeless and being jobless sure did feel strange. He said it feels exciting. Yeah, in a way it does so long as it’s not too long before he gets a job. Like it or not, money really does make the world go ‘round. Besides, I’d really like some alone time along with money to live and build on.

The Arizona truck stop was miserable because it was so unbearably hot. It usually cools down nicely, but not that night. That night it was still a sauna come 4 AM, and I got very little sleep. We had a huge truck running next to us which acted like a sound machine or a fan, so that was good, but its airbrakes would hiss rather loudly from time to time.

I’d love to keep writing, but I’m just way too tired. So, despite the bumps and bangs going on around here, I’m going to try to get a little sleep.

MONDAY, JUNE 14, 2004 In California on the Way to Oregon…

I have mega updating to do from where we are right now in Merced, California. For starters, the trip has been a nightmare for the most part. What I had hoped would be more fun and exciting is actually more strenuous and stressful. The vehicle, sleep and noise curses have followed us! There’s just no shaking free of it. Tom even has to stop to play fix it when he’s fucking traveling, for God’s sake! Mary is so wrong in saying God digs me. We’re about the last two people on earth he digs. I just hope the breakdown was really only the usual “let’s pick on Tom and Jodi” bullshit and not something trying to keep us from reaching Oregon, which is now down to about 450 miles away. We began with about 1100, so it’s not like we haven’t covered any distance. We really are inching our way there little by little. It’s just that now we’re looking at not getting there till Tuesday, our 10th anniversary.

Anyway, I’ll get to the breakdown soon. I just want to cover the trip in as orderly a fashion as possible.

We had the moving sale on Wednesday, two days before we took off. We took some old pieces of wood and painted them white. Then, using the blue paint we got to paint part of the house, we painted on the address. Tom then screwed on posts and sledgehammered them into the ground by the main roads. At first I was convinced that eBay was a waste of time and that once again, we were paying for others to benefit, and if there’s anything in this world I’m sick of it’s doing for other people or because of other people. However, a wonderful Mexican family got most of the furniture and we made over $300 from them alone. Can’t say all Mexicans are drunken welfare bums after all. I think they or someone they know has a furniture store, so I’m pretty sure they’re going to resell it, not that we care.

I even sold all the incense that I made! For just $5, but hey, at least I sold it.

I sold some Yves perfume that was just so-so to a woman who also once lived in Phoenix. She too, said she couldn’t stand the constant barking and how people kept their dogs outside all the time.

She also told me a lady there got bit on the hand by a rattler and was in the hospital for a week. Well, neither of us will miss having to look under the stairs when coming and going for snakes!

We left a lot of free stuff by the dumpster we rented, and eventually, this one guy took it all. He said he likes to have annual yard sales just to meet his neighbors around him. Why would he want to live in a place like Maricopa if he wants to know his neighbors?

TUESDAY, JUNE 8, 2004 This is the second time Tom was headed to Casa Grande only to break down in the truck again. It’s like, thanks, God. Thanks a real lot. We really need this shit on top of everything else we’ve got going on, and I suppose you’re going to make sure we break down like crazy on the way to Oregon.

And Mary says he digs me? Yeah, right! Well, I don’t feel so “digged” right now, but either way, what is this we got going on? Is something trying to trap us here now, or what? Tom doesn’t think so, but it sure seems like something’s trying to trap the truck here and keep him out of Casa Grande. If anything, this latest shit with the truck could delay us from having the moving sale today as we planned, but whenever we do get around to it, I’m sure the ‘everything happens at once’ rule will come into play where instead of having one person at a time come through, we’ll get a dozen people at once, then no one for a while, then another clump of people, etc. They’ll all want to come get the furniture at the same time, too. On the other hand, I don’t even know if we’ll get more than just the immediate neighbors to the moving sale because of the heat.

As we agreed, we don’t have time to stop and play Fix It for the millionth time so as long as we can drive it up onto the trailer, we’ll wait and then play Fix It in Oregon where it’s not a million degrees out. If there’s one thing I would add to where we’re going it’s public transportation. The time and money spent fixing vehicles have been outrageous, but I know it’s just an old curse that’s been on us for some time now and that it’s not going to lighten up anytime soon. No matter where we go, our vehicles will always break down more than they should whether they’re old or not.

The bed has 2 bids and the TV has 1. So far the highest bidder is the same person. I’d like to think that whoever comes here to get the stuff will be like, “You know, winning this for pennies hardly seems fair, so why don’t I give you guys a hundred bucks?” I know they won’t, though, but that’s ok. I don’t mind giving away material things I have no use for, but ask me for money and I’m a cheap Jew at heart!

The bed just got bid on, only I’d be willing to bet they’ll never pick it up if they win it. This person has more negative feedback than positive. I can’t believe eBay hasn’t banned their membership! They’ve won 4 things and have failed to pay for the last 3, so this is someone who’s obviously obsessed with not doing what they say they’re going to do. Still, with half the things bid on, it makes me think we should’ve listed the computer desks/chairs and his bed and dresser.

Reagan died the other day. Good. One less bigot in the world. I know he hated gays, though not as much as Bush and Baby Bush do. I don’t get this all-white, all-male president thing we’re still dealing with even up till now. I mean, we’re living in a time when everybody’s frowning down on racism, yet you still have to be white, married and male to qualify to run for president. So if there still haven’t been any off-brand males, there sure as hell won’t be any women, gays or singles. I think you also have to be Christian too, or Catholic. Can’t have any disabilities like paralysis or deafness either, and probably no birth defects like what I have with my ear.

I had a dream the other day that gave me another story idea that’d basically be about a gay woman set up by a hotshot connected to a psych hospital who gets pissed at her for his own personal reasons and tricks her into being committed there. Meanwhile, a therapist there, also gay, falls for her and helps get her out of there.

The dream was just one of the many “stuck places” dreams I had after Valleyhead, then after jail. It started off with me realizing that the place I was trapped in was even worse than jail because they ran you ragged with activities all the time like they did at Valleyhead. You couldn’t just lie around there. Then in a group therapy meeting, some cock running the show there mentioned checking out my family and various people I know, making sure I’d overhear him, obviously trying to intimidate me. Then he made me the laughingstock of the group somehow. Afterward, I caught him alone in what appeared to be some form of a workshop. He was sitting on a stool working on something at a huge counter or table when I stepped through the open door into the room. He told me to go back to where the other patients were, but I demanded an answer from him as to why he was doing this to me. When I didn’t get one, I shot out a fist in an explosion of rage, boxing his temple. He fell off the stool and hit the floor at which time I wasted no time pummeling his face to a bloody pulp. Then I gave him an ultimatum as he choked on blood to either release me or else I’d have outsiders attack his family. Yet sure enough, he cared more about spiting me than the safety of his family, so he ratted me out and I had his family attacked because of it. Then he and some other head honcho were promising my immediate release if I’d give them the name of the attacker. I woke up at the part where I said, “No, you release me first and then I’ll give you the name.”

Later…

I put a spell on the truck and it seems like it may’ve helped. There’s certainly no help from above, so we’re on our own. The suspension system looks ok which was what he was worried about because the whole truck started vibrating like crazy. He’s going to grease it up now which hopefully won’t take too long, but we won’t know more about the truck until Tom fiddles with it a bit more. Like I said, we can’t afford to stop and play fix it. We’re running out of time. We have too much other stuff to do in preparation for Friday morning’s take-off.

The bed sold for something like 11¢, the TV for $3.25, and the bedroom set for a penny. We never got an end-of-auction notice pertaining to the bedroom set winner with all the negative feedback, but the bed winners in CA and the TV winners in Vegas. The TV winner is having someone pick it up tomorrow, and we don’t know yet about the bed. A lady in Yuma who said she was too late on bidding, emailed Tom saying she’d take it if the winner was a no-show. Then Tom got an email from someone who had asked about the TV’s measurements, saying to let him know what’s left as he may buy it all, so Tom let him know we’re having a moving sale all day tomorrow and gave him the address.

I really hope we make at least some money tomorrow. As it is, we’re doing too much for others, as usual, and at our own expense. Instead of playing fix it and email with these people, we should be cleaning out the RV and packing more shit. I’m just tired of being a charity worker. We tried calling consignment shops, but they didn’t have room and we couldn’t find a Goodwill or a Salvation Army in Casa Grande, and of course, there’s no way they’d drive all the way out here from Phoenix.

Life really is compensating, though, cuz Tom saw his mom yesterday for what will probably be the last time and she gave him $650 between his birthday, our anniversary, gas money, and the turntable and receiver he gave Miss Perfect. As he said, it wasn’t as much as he was hoping for, but it’s better than nothing. I just wouldn’t want to know it if she had 100 grand or more in her account right now, because that’d be really cheap of her to give us a measly $500 when we need thousands.

I’m just waiting for her to die. At this point, that’s all we can really do.

The dumpster arrived a while ago, so now all we have to do is hope there’s no hold-up with the trailer and that we can at least get the truck up onto it and that the RV starts come Friday morning!

I was wrong when I said we were about 25 miles from the CA border. It’s more like 50.

I’m looking forward to putting my books in the store, or at least some of them! As Tom said, it’s all in the packaging, so we’ll want to find some way of binding them that’ll be nicer than the wire binder. I’m trying to stick to popular subjects, though gayness isn’t exactly a popular subject itself. Still, in books and on TV they want sex, murder, pregnancy and childbirth, so no matter how old some of these subjects may be to me, I gotta try to write what’ll sell.

Later…

Just as I figured, the bedroom set winner with all the negative feedback is just out to play with people. First of all, they’re in New York of all places. Secondly, they haven’t contacted us. That’s what other sellers who left negative feedback for them said too; that they were unable to make contact with them in any way, let alone get a payment. It’s almost like they want to accumulate tons of negative feedback, but hey, it’s their loss. Whatever doesn’t go either gets dumped or stays here.

Tom couldn’t find anything wrong with the truck which he just took to Circle K. If the thing starts vibrating really bad like it did earlier, he’ll turn right around and take the car. Makes me wonder if we should’ve sold the truck, but then we’d just have to turn around and get one when we got to Oregon cuz we’ll need something for hauling lumber in.

The most important thing at this point is getting the trailer, getting the truck onto it, and getting the RV to take us to Oregon!

This is the last entry I’m going to type on this computer desk I love so much. It’s being disassembled tonight to be put outside for tomorrow’s moving sale.

Anyway, however he manages to get to Circle K, he’s also going to make the second and last attempt to get my story to Mary. I told her she should receive it the day before we leave, but if all goes well, she’ll get it the day we leave. He’s also going to put up the moving sale flier there, too.

The dumpster was left in the middle of the driveway, about 50’ – 70’ from the road. This is where we’ll set up the freebies. All the little things will be free, or most of them anyway. I’d still like to get a little something for the plant as well as for the well wiring that’s on a big wooden spool out back. And of course, there’s the car that’s still got to go, too.

So much to do and so little time! I feel like the action’s never going to end. And just how many months will it be before I can sleep on a real bed of some kind again, I wonder, though that’s really the least of my concerns? For the last 3 nights here, I’ll be sleeping on a foam mattress.

MONDAY, JUNE 7, 2004 Today’s been a rather shitty day for the most part. Will there ever come a time when people aren’t running us ragged, screwing us over, or when our shit’s not breaking? He went to go to the store for some things to tide us over, instead he breaks down in the truck and has to throw an additional $40 away. By the time we even get to Oregon, there’s not going to be any money left for us!

If he can get there without breaking down, he’ll at least get $70 from Miss Perfect for the stereo. He said that’s what he feels he should charge her but will let her decide what’s best. I’m sure she’ll agree to that price. I just hope they don’t forget our anniversary and his birthday. We need the money. Bad!

I don’t know what I’m more sick of, shit breaking, us getting screwed over, or us having to do for others or because of others.

The fact that I didn’t sense either the RV or truck breakdown has me rather alarmed, too.

Because no one’s responded to the ads about the furniture, and because we doubt we’d get rid of it during the moving sale, if we ever get to have one, we placed 6 one-day auctions. One for the bed, one for the bedroom dresser/nightstand, one for the dining set, one for the living room set, one for the big spider lamp and one for the big screen TV. We’ve stressed in each auction that they have to pick the stuff up themselves. We have too much of our own work to do. I am so, so sick of having to do for other people. It’s like, when do we get to live for us and to do for us?! Again, this excludes typing for Mary. She’d have to hit me with 50 pages a day before I’d be overwhelmed. Anyway, I have mixed emotions about us going this route as promising as it’s looking. We started everything off at just a penny, and if these things sell at the opening bid, well, it’s good that we’re getting rid of the stuff, but not good that we have to pay to get rid of it. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I’d just hate to pay for stuff we paid 3 grand for. Again, I swear something up there put us here to be a financial asset to others!

Then we get bombarded with questions like, can we box the bed up, and it’s like, hey, we’re giving this to you for a lousy cent and you still want us to do this and to do that? That should be your responsibility.

So far, though, it looks promising for the bed and living room set. Someone’s watching the TV and lamp as well. The bedroom set looks the least promising right now, but the number of views doesn’t tell us as much as the watchers do. If someone takes the time to put this on their watch list, then it means they’re seriously considering getting it. I just hope they’re not in Australia!

On his way to Miss Perfect’s, he’s going to arrange to have the dumpster delivered tomorrow. Again, I think we should just leave everything that we don’t want or can’t sell here and let others be put out by us for once and have to pick up after us for a change, but you know Mr. Paranoid Gotta Do Everything Right here. I told him, half teasingly, half-serious, “You worry so much, dude, that next thing you know, you’ll be saying we gotta do this or gotta do that so that a meteorite won’t fall on our heads.”

Anyway, I just want to get out of this place! He had considered asking Huey for an extension into Sunday morning, and I put my foot down and said no way. We were going to leave today, then today became Friday. No more delays, I told him. Come Friday morning, we’re outa here no matter what!

I decided that not only because we’ll be so broke once we reach Oregon, but because there are at least 20 newbies I want to try, I’m just going to make a small retail order of incense when we get there.

SUNDAY, JUNE 6, 2004 Oh, how a part of me wishes I could snap my fingers and have it be one week from today! That’s when we should arrive in Oregon. Better yet, I think I might snap us up a couple of years from now.

I am so, so overwhelmed right now with all that’s going on, even though it’s not in a bad way like with the 7-year nightmare of an ordeal with the freeloaders. It just seems like there’s no happy medium with us and that we’ve either got to be bored silly or constantly on the go. It’s like something up there wants to always keep things moving for me. Especially since I moved to Arizona. I remember when we finally got all moved in here, I was almost bummed to have gone from always being on the go, to being bored with not much to do. Remember, I wasn’t writing stories like I am these days. So I really had nothing much to do other than clean the house, wash the clothes, take care of the animals and decorate. There wasn’t much else happening on top of journaling, reading and watching TV.

And then I got arrested and had plenty to do for the next 2½ years, and this pattern worries me. Meaning, when we finally do get the house built, then what? Do I have to go back to jail less than a year after moving into it? Or will I acquire some medical problem that’ll cause me to have to play appointment like crazy? Then again, I suppose there’s no point in worrying about what God’s next move will be to keep me from getting too bored for too long since it’s not going to be happening for a while yet.

We’re just glad that while we’re making this move, he doesn’t have to work nights like he did the last time around. Whenever he does work again, he promised he’d say “no” to free overtime. Helping friends is one thing, but we will not work for free and be used!

Anyway, yesterday’s swap meet was barely worth going to. I figured we’d be compensated for how well we did the last time. Besides, the heat was a factor in keeping people away, too. It was miserably hot. We managed to set up with the sun at our backs and with the RV providing shade, so it was actually quite lovely till around 9:30. By 11:00, though, it was a sauna. I wished I’d brought the mister! When traveling on the dirt roads, we had to go super slow or else the whole RV would vibrate like hell.

There weren’t any obnoxious kids, but the tomato-selling Mexies next to us got annoying at times with the damn bass they used to draw attention to themselves with. They tried to anyway, but it was slow for everyone. All the vendors complained about that. Still, why you would blast music like that there is beyond me. You’re supposed to be selling merchandise, not bopping around to music.

While I was there I gave a guy our number that a woman selling next to us brought me to talk to. The guy was a seller as well, and supposedly he’s going to call about checking out our furniture, but it hasn’t happened yet. No one’s responded to the ads either, which means we’re either going to sell it at the moving sale we’re planning on for Tuesday and Wednesday, give it to a consignment shop, let Goodwill haul it away, or leave it here for Huey to decide what to do with. Tom’s a little worried about that one. As usual, he’s worrying too much and trying too hard to do things perfectly, and as I told him, he’s too paranoid. Leaving stuff here isn’t going to make Huey jump in his truck, chase us down and shoot us. There’s nothing even the crazy laws of Arizona can do to us if we left shit here. He spends too much time worrying about how others may react and too much energy sweating little things, though he agreed we’d leave stuff in the sheds that we may not be able to get rid of. I don’t care. I mean, I’m not worried about it. I’m sure Goodwill will haul it as a last resort as much as I’d prefer to get some money for it, but if we did leave it here, I’m not worried about it. There are no bridges to burn with Huey and he does not have a hold on us!

So anyway, we ended up making about $50 selling an old wall clock, coffeemaker, Handistitch, small sewing machine, singing gorilla, what was left of the fake apple blossom tree I stripped, a wooden chest, flags/pole, 3 videos, 6 cut glasses, 3 decorative plates, a 3D poster, the CD/tape/radio Steve gave me in ’89, and a toy ball with a little ball inside you try to bounce into these things that extend from it.

Like I said, it was pretty dead. When we were there in January, there were about 4 long rows of vendors, but this time there was a little over one row. Couldn’t have been more than 10 vendors in all. All Mexicans selling crap. There were hardly any whites but that’s just Arizona for you, which has basically become an extension of Mexico. How I wished it was January! And when we hit the road I’ll wish it was April.

The only real eyesore there was the pig that cruised in and out of the place in his squad car. It waved to us, too. Don’t know if it was the story-telling bullshitter from when we first got here or not, but I only saw him twice for a few minutes each, so I could probably pass him on the street and not know it was him. Tom said he was probably driving through to make sure no one was running a business as you’re supposed to be selling used things there only if you have no business license. Then he thought he might’ve been looking for someone with the way he went barreling out of there, but pigs go barreling out of everywhere, so who knows? As long as they don’t tangle with me! Because if they do, they’re going to learn that they’re just not as powerful as they’d like to think they are and that they’re not God who can go pushing people around at will.

We’re still on for a Friday takeoff. We’re not going to ask Huey to stay longer so we can have more selling time because it’d cost us more to cool this warehouse of a house than any sale money we could rack up, and we don’t want to stiff the electric company. Stiffing phone companies is one thing, but electric companies have too many connections.

Today and tomorrow will be spent sorting out shit in the sheds as well as inside. Tomorrow he’s also going to see his mom for what could very well be the last time, along with Dave and Miss Perfect, who he said just had to take his picture when they picked up the RV. At least she was polite enough to ask this time! Not surprisingly, Tom let her. He’s not completely oblivious to his appearance and he always tries to look his best, but guys aren’t usually as self-conscious as women are. If anything, they think they’re hotter than hot itself.

I’m not going to accompany him to his ma’s, since these are people I’m not overly close to, and because I’m going to be on the road so damn much real soon. Too long for someone who hates to travel! I love flying, but not traveling by road. I’ll live, though, as it’ll also be fun and so much more comfortable in the RV than in a regular car or truck. Even the passenger seat of this thing is more comfortable because it’s roomier and has a seatbelt that only goes over your lap. I just wonder if I’ll feel like I’m in a jail cell all over again living in it for about a year, and like there’s no getting away from Tom till we pitch a tent.

I really hope Mom will give us a little something. We need all the help we can get! How I wish we could have our inheritance now, even if it’ll only be 20 grand because she has so many damn kids as 20 grand would more than certainly be better than nothing. The only reason I wonder is not only because they don’t like me and have helped us a few times since we’ve been here but because, as we both know, his mother is selfish. Meaning, she may be pissed that Tom, who’s clearly her favorite son, is moving far away, and even if it’s subconsciously done, she may spite us by not even giving us money for our 10th anniversary on the 15th, then his 47th birthday on the 28th.

On Tuesday and Wednesday, we’ll be having the moving sale. Due to the heat, who knows if we can get anyone out here other than the nosy neighbors who always come over when they see something going on? Because it’ll be weekdays, we’ll have it in the late afternoon to early evening in front of the house where we can have some shade. Tom’s going to put up a flier at the PO.

Yesterday I was so pissed to get my last book returned to me because the lazy idiots at the jail couldn’t peel off the address labels I sealed the envelope shut with. If that isn’t a classic example of pigs out to control and piss off others, I don’t know what is. I mean, that is total, total power play! All the fuckers had to do was peel the labels off and give Mary the damn story. Meanwhile, I’m stuck having to resend it. As I told her, though, she either gets it or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t, it’ll just have to wait till she’s released. I can’t keep throwing postage away like that right now when we need every spare penny we can get, and I’m not in the mood for mail games with the assholes there, either.

Along with my story, I’m sending Bob a quick note, too. Both will go out Monday and will probably be the last thing I ever mail anyone from Arizona. They should get it the day before we leave. In my note to Bob, I said that I hoped he was still alive and that he got the letter and that I just wanted to give him the new address. I didn’t get into detail about anything else just in case he doesn’t get the letter but said I’d explain it all to him if I heard from him.

The word “Klamath,” so we learned by online research, is actually the name of one of the Indian tribes in that area. They have a casino there that is actually owned by 3 different tribes.

I hope I’m less thirsty there. I know water’s good for you, but when you drink glass after glass, having to constantly up and pee gets old.

We decided that for $27 a month, it’d be worth it to rent a storage vault for valuables and non-necessities like we did when we moved here, only this one will be smaller. It’ll be 10’ deep, 5’ wide and 8’ tall. It’s enough for us, though. I was the one who decided we should do this, and Tom agreed because I don’t like the idea of having to drive in and out so much with our valuables just because we don’t want to leave them on the land until we build more secure places for it. It’s probably going to take close to a year to get the garage/bath up, so why hog up truck space with it for that long?

I never got my points for ordering from Yves through Lucky Points a while back. See, I say these points programs are all scams. Just total bullshit.

Anyway, I really hope we can get a little something for this furniture. We really need the money.

The backs of my thighs have been way stiff yesterday and today because of the rearranging I did a couple of days ago. I didn’t think I worked that hard, but apparently, I did more bending and squatting than I thought I did for the 4 hours I worked. I repacked a lot of boxes to better group decorative and non-necessary items for storage.

For a while, we thought we might dump the idea of a dumpster, but then we decided that paying the $110 for a store-size one would be worth it. It’d just make things a lot easier with all the crap we’ve got.

We never did bother getting the open-fire burn permits. Not just because we have more important things to spend our time and money on, but because our agreement with Huey was to leave the land/house in the condition it’s in. Well, the brush piles were present when he scouted out the land, so leaving them alone would be leaving it in the condition it’s in. Plus, they’re going to be plowing away so much other brush as it is that this will be nothing for them.

FRIDAY, JUNE 4, 2004 If all goes well, and I don’t see why it shouldn’t at this point, we now have exactly one week left here! I just hope it isn’t going to take too many months to get the garage and bath built! Living in an RV and a tent isn’t exactly going to be fun.

I checked the temps for here and OR over the next week and did not like some of what I saw. It’s not only going to be murderously hot the next 3 days and not cool down till after the swap meet but also because OR has more like a 30-degree temp span rather than 20 like MA, it’s gonna be mighty cold during some of the nights! Oh well. Better than sweating like pigs, I guess. There’s a saying Nervous used to say: When it’s cold you can put on and put on, yet when it’s hot, there’s only so much you can take off.

Later…

Tom broke down in the RV on his way back from the store. Just what we need, too. If this shit had to happen, we’re just glad it didn’t happen in the middle of the long, straight, seemingly endless stretch between Maricopa and Stanfield or Stanfield and Casa Grande. We’re also glad it didn’t happen on the road to Oregon, leaving us stranded and forced to walk God knows how far, while we left everything we own behind at the side of the road for anyone to help themselves to.

Instead, it happened just a little while ago just two miles from the house on the dirt roads. He walked back to the house from there which took 15 minutes, but he said he didn’t mind. He can take the heat way better than I ever could. It’s the cold I wonder about, though he says he can handle that, too. I mean, I get cold just like anyone else, though unlike him, I spent 26 winters buried under many feet of snow in subzero temps.

Anyway, we were forced to shell out $53 for a new battery. What happened was the battery pulled loose and a wire shorted. The engine died and he coasted to the side of the road. He saw smoke rising from the hood but didn’t yet know it had caught fire. When he burned his hands opening the hood, then he knew. Fortunately, he was able to blow it out from there and discover that the engine had no damage. We’d really be in trouble if it had as that’s a huge expense.

He walked home, then drove the truck to get a new battery, stopped to put it in, then drove home. I offered to have him drive us to the RV and to drive the car back while he drove the RV since it’s just a couple miles, but he said the walk would do him good, as after all, he’s got to be in shape to build the house.

I doubt there’ll be any significant delays getting out of here any more than I was surprised by how fast the house sold. We’re not wanted here by whatever evil lurks here, and God wants us to move on and be constantly on the go for the millionth time, so none of these sources are about to throw hindering blocks at us.

THURSDAY, JUNE 3, 2004 The title came yesterday which is a big relief to us. It was a bummer I was wrong on the day it arrived, so it really would’ve been sad if I was more than just a day off. It’s a relief to us because we wanted to take the RV to the swap meet rather than the truck and because there’s now nothing holding us back here other than the stuff we want to sell and get whatever we can for. If we really wanted to, though, we could get a dumpster out here, dump it all, and hit the road the next day. However, the car and the furniture should give us an additional $500 or so that we could always use.

We also got our new address which looks like it could be an apartment. It’s not a PO Box. It’s just an address with a box number, and us forwarding our mail from here is a separate thing. Meaning, we already paid 6 months for the box so anyone can write to us at that address right now. We just won’t get it till we get there. What’s cool about it is that you can call ahead and not only find out if you have any mail but what that mail is, so you don’t end up wasting a trip for nothing. Also, UPS and FedEx deliver there, unlike with PO boxes.

Not that I wouldn’t have trusted Miss Perfect, but I’m glad we could do it this way. It’ll make it easier on everyone.

So the next 8 days are going to be super busy! The windshield’s getting replaced today, and the dumpster will probably be delivered on Monday. We’ll probably do the swap meet on both Saturday and Sunday, though only for a few hours at a time. Just like last time, we’ll probably leave around noon when it starts dying down. We’ll just remember the sunscreen first! Any leftover incense that doesn’t sell will be left here in the hopes of the newcomers delving into it, liking it, and then going to our store which is listed on the labels.

I may cut my hair to make things easier until we get a real bath built. Because it’s so damn thick, not having much water pressure will make it hard to wash. It’s already back down to the middle of my upper arm when pulled straight. It grows like weeds!

While it’s easy for me to say I’m not moving again after moving a million times in the last two decades, Tom brought up an interesting possibility. Assuming he likes building houses, we could be set for life as far as never having to work for others again if we build and sell houses. For him not to have a boss who could fire him or lay him off would be wonderful. I’m not saying we’ll do this, but it may be worth it if it’s going to ultimately lead us further away from the city and onto a 40-acre lot we can afford to fence and to where I can get almost any doll I wanted the instant I saw it and decided I wanted it. We’ll just have to see how things go.

I’ll be sending my last letter from here to Mary on Monday, giving her the new address at which time I’ll tell her to start using it. I’m glad there are no 4s in it as I really believe that 4 is the evilest number in the universe!

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 2, 2004 I was both bummed and surprised to be wrong about the title coming yesterday. I really thought it would. I hope it gets here soon!

Tom contacted that private mailing company. They’re going to send us a form to get notarized, and then yes, we can simply transfer our mail to the Klamath Falls address they give us. This means Mary can keep on writing as usual and that we won’t need Miss Perfect to forward it to us.

My weight’s up to 132 so I’m going to watch it between now and when we leave. When we get there, I probably won’t eat during the first few months as I’ll want to save all the money we can.

TUESDAY, JUNE 1, 2004 Our tentative traveling plan is to reach somewhere between Barstow and Bakersfield at the end of the first day on Friday the 11th. We’ll leave at sunup and drive for about 10 hours. The AC needs more work than just a recharge, so we’ll have to sweat it out at first. We should be able to make it out of the desert area by the end of the first day.

By the end of day two, we hope to stop somewhere around Redding and stay in a hotel at a casino. They won’t let us stay for free, but they’ll let us park the RV for free.

Sunday afternoon is when we should arrive at the land.

Tom’s back to thinking that a 3-story dome may be cool, though we’ll only have about 1500 square feet when we first move in. That’ll be a mansion compared to the RV and whatever tents we put up! Even compared to the long, narrow garage.

We were thinking of having a cellar, a main floor, plus a smaller upper floor. In the end, it may amount to the same square footage as this house.

[punkscowardschampions]

Roses pt.4

Moses: [they are both elated on this day because it cannot be overstated how perfect her reactions are for him, she truly gives him everything he wants in the absolute mix of what Edie and Ali used to and what they would never, really scratching that itch the way nobody else has ever, KISSING her SO HARD when she demands directions to his because it’s such a jali fuck you and he LOVES it not to mention the prospect of her coming home with him, thank god he didn’t put his seatbelt on because he’s truly up in her grill aggressively making out with her, only breaking away when someone’s headlights go past their parked car and remind him that they are supposed to be driving away before someone asks them if they’ve got car trouble/otherwise involves themselves in what is going on, showing her again how to start this car because y’all were v distracted when he first showed up, putting his hand over hers until it is, then teaching her everything she needs to know to reverse out, giving when my boo and auntie max have to help me]

Rio: [oh lads, you’d be very cute if this was in any way age-appropriate but that’s simply not going to fly with anyone I fear, not after being her step-father, however for you two in the moment y’all are truly living laughing loving, making out with him once again like you have nowhere else to be and so close to once again taking your seatbelt off but the headlights stop you just in time, giving him the most sorry not sorry look of all time, very knowing you’re going to get away with your bad behaviour; can actually learn some things here, trying to pay attention because you’d have some idea and would want to show you can do this to impress him but it’s also a dreamy situation for him to be teaching you so you gotta be a little 😍 too]

Moses: [oops my boo be shipping that’s Winnie’s masterplan I fear, soz not soz everyone that he’s giving her an actual (albeit v flirty) driving lesson all the way to wherever he’s living, it’s still a site whether or not it’s the site Sophie Turner moved back to with Johnny when his mum got ill or you’ve gone somewhere else, you’re welcome for the mostly quiet country roads made quieter by whatever time it is at this point because neither of you can concentrate that hard, we will catch him throwing her underwear out of the window while she’s driving like I said, so soz too to anyone that finds that]

Rio: [like obviously it cannot happen but it’s also not something you would do if you didn’t believe in it so there’s no point you denying it hun, that would make you a lot worse if you were just banging him lol that’s unhinged; but yes, here having a marvellous time getting to drive this sports car and even though you won’t go as fast as he did you’ll be going faster than you have ever just played around in your mum’s vehicles or whatever before now and it’ll feel EXHILARATING mixed with the combination of what you’ve done here and the fact you’re going to stay the night and lie that you’re over a friend’s, thank god sophie turner nor ronan will be there if they ever were because y’all do not need that level of confrontation of your crimes out the gate and they’d definitely recognise you lol; shaking your head and tutting at him playfully ‘they were really nice’ like excuse me, might’ve wanted those back because obviously you wore good underwear, you knew what was going to happen here]

Moses: [jemily regrets nothing we’re having a marvellous time, this man is the type of man who always carries SO much cash so getting his wallet out and stacking some euro notes on her thigh exactly where he put his hand earlier when he was driving ‘that nice?’ with a look like or do you need some more, but obvs he’s adding more money without waiting for her to answer, just keeping going adding whatever notes he’s pulling out without checking, seeing how many will be piled up before she tells him to stop, it’s a game like his speed creeping up when he drove or their behaviour escalating but it’s also serious because culturally yes he does wanna provide for her like a daughter/wife, we all remember when Johnny gave Ali that money]

Rio: [mhmm, we remember it all too well, saving for their life that they didn’t get to live until now, gah; thank goodness this isn’t the second after you’ve banged so we don’t get in our head that we’re being paid for here because not the mood, not you honestly telling him how much these undies cost as if he’ll take away this whole stack like okay then because he’s obviously put SO much more cash on you and you aren’t going to pretend you don’t love to see it, for whomst, here instead trying to focus on the road and staying DEADLY still so it doesn’t collapse and go everywhere]

Moses: [imagine if he was paying her off like go away and keep your mouth shut, not the vibe, do take a note away but so you can snort some more drugs off the car’s dashboard and then putting it straight back with some more because he couldn’t give less of a fuck how much they actually cost clearly he’s having too much fun, letting the stack collapse into her lap because you jenga’d said note out instead of taking the one from the top case in point, who can say if some is falling to the floor also, he’ll worry about that later, building the tower back up so you can touch her not because it matters] 

Rio: [devastating, this girl has enough trauma of Buster rebuffing her any time anything has remotely happened between them, she would have to run off into the night casually and that is not practical or safe, never mind the heartbreaking nature, no thank you lol; here watching him like he is the child right now, very oh you about this, we’re not going to be concerned about your money ‘cos it ain’t ours to count but we do find you amusing, picking up a few of these notes and putting them under your bra strap, would put some in your underwear band too but he’s got rid of them so you cannot, reaching over to wipe the drug residue from under his nose with your thumb (which is something Buster has done to her in iterations if not this one yet), licking it off ‘you don’t mind, me coming back’ bit late to check in once you’ve demanded but you know he doesn’t so you’re just saying it to have him say it back]

Moses: [the game has now changed to how many notes can he fit down her top/dress in the cleavage this girl has regardless, very distracting when she’s trying to drive but does he care, no, it’s rude he hasn’t offered her any this time but it’s even ruder that the ruster happened when we did the newest st paddys before this redo we’re on now so it hasn’t happened yet here, they’ve barely interacted in person though so I’m sure it will ‘I’d mind you going home’ because he would he doesn’t want her to go]

Rio: [rude but a good thing because you’re far more likely to crash than he is and we don’t need to stack your odds any harder when you’re already too distracted by him doing this, as proven by you accidentally putting your foot down on the pedal because you’re pressing into his hands unthinkingly and you have to remind yourself to chill and pull it back, still LOOKING over at him before you do ‘I don’t want to’ because you do not and you are not going to, taking a hand off the wheel to GRAB his ‘I want to be with you’ as if that wasn’t painfully obvious]

Moses: [the way he reacts the opposite way a responsible person would to her speeding up is the realest, out here pushing her foot off the pedal with his own and putting his foot down so they’re going faster than she has so far, LOOKING at her and HANHOLDING as they speed ‘you’re with me’ how these boys say it not at all casually which means you’re mine]

Rio: [‘don’t let me crash’ because like him displaying his dominance and strength over you, this is hot but you need to know he’s in control so you can’t genuinely drive y’all off the road and straight into a ditch or a tree, we meant that don’t with our whole chest, which is hitching because we’re !! at this development, still got all these notes just peeking out too nbd ‘tell me what to do’ because you’re his but again, like show me]

Moses: [‘Nothing is gonna happen to you unless I want it to’ because that’s the tea he is in control to a degree that this poor gal doesn’t even fathom yet, using their handholding to take the wheel and correct her slightly where she has drifted off course because of being distracted af, telling her to take some kind of turn or in some way deviate from the way they were going, he isn’t telling her why, whether it’s a shortcut because he’s impatient to get her back or he’s taking a lil detour to take her somewhere else first, because that’s up to Winnie to decide, it’s his choose your own adventure moment cos both are moods] 

Rio: [nodding, keep having to look back at him even though you’re trying to look at the road because you can’t not and you’re also showing him that ‘I trust you’ every time you look away and let him do the driving, saying it again but with a curious smile like what are you up to when he turns y’all into this detour, I suppose you’ve already had to pull over and time depending, where else would yous go rn, Edward Bear must find out further deets and decide]

Moses: [I agree I’m on team shortcut because I just know it would be through somewhere they are absolutely not supposed to go because it’s literally dangerous especially in this sports car because countryside and they could literally get stranded/cause damage to this car/themselves, once again we will let you get back safe actually though but the adrenaline will spike again because she’s being a good driver and the journey is not dramatic enough for this man lol, plus like I said, he’s impatient to get her back, testing the trust she has for him by making her lowkey go off roading hehe]

Rio: [We in agreeance and I hope your car does get a little fucked, purely for our knowledge because I know you won’t care and it will not be the first time that’s happened but still, a sports car for off-roading is the opposite of what you need and thus you must, as well as to prove yourself here, taking a hand off the wheel and running it down his thigh, PUSHING his leg down to accelerate and really GRIPPING into his flesh about it, y’all are both going to be getting bounced around like crazy which will make you laugh at how jittery everything has got]

Moses: [it tracks for the vibe of everything y’all have done so far and will continue to do and yeah his car getting fucked up is necessary because we aren’t letting y’all but we are trying to be semi realistic that there are consequences even though they don’t care about them, put your seatbelt on so you don’t get thrown around more than is fun and while you do, tell her how much time this shortcut takes off the ETA of getting to his because you want her to know just how impatient you are, it’s giving that it cuts the time in half or something wild hence you’re doing it, cray as he is he wouldn’t fuck his car up for the sake of 10 mins lol]

Rio: [exactement, and if not this time another time you’re sneaking, we could have it made clear that you aren’t where you said you were and with who, there are lots of little ways to do it without doing the big #expose before we want to, ANYWAYS; gasping like how rude when he puts his seatbelt on for the first time, like it’s your driving and not the terrain, oh the casual not at all casual heart eyes you then throw at him because SUCH a compliment that he needs to get you back that fast and it’s all down to you, smiling to yourself smugly like hehe, speeding up a smidge to reward him]

Moses: [yeah all the scenarios we can do will be really fun, I say Win play illicit affairs, not you immediately taking your seatbelt off like oh okay you don’t want me to wear it I won’t, waiting to see if how she’ll react because you shamelessly want her to be 🥺 like omg nooo put it back on and be safe obvs esp because she has sped up]

Rio: [we’re gonna have a ball baby boy, as these fools are because we know that’s the sort of girl she is, everyone’s mum alert, frowning at him to the degree it’s ALMOST a scowl like no, lifting off the speed but not hitting the break, just going what would feel a snail’s pace in comparison to how you have been moving ‘daddy’ in that serious way kids tell you off sometimes and it’s like ooh okay, that’s me told]

Moses: [she is that girl and he knows it because he has known her since she was a literal baby, the shameless ploy was always going to work, crossing his arms to playfully mock her because she would if she could rn but she’s driving, so amused and so here for it, we all know he’s recounting some story of when she was little and told him off in that exact way and even if he is getting some of the deets wrong how always he do she won’t necessarily remember because she was young at the time so he’ll get away with it]

Rio: [‘even your arms aren’t that strong’ like he’s showing you that he doesn’t need a seatbelt when he can just use these lol, reaching over to do his seatbelt for him in that very harassed way when you’re trying to drive and your kid asks you to do anything and you’re like ahh but you’re softening so much at this story and the way he’s telling it, you’re instantly 🥺 all over again, softly saying the Gypsy word for daddy instead, how Edie would’ve and you would’ve before you understood that Caleb was meant to be your dad and it might upset him (though he’d have to be around to know about it, FLOP) and all that strange step-family politics that comes with ‘I’m so bossy’ chastising yourself because when peeps don’t want your mothering you would hear that OFTEN]

Moses: [committing the absolute cliche of GRABBING her arm and stopping her from clicking that seatbelt in just to show her how strong he is and how easily he can overpower her and be the bossy one, it’s giving a wrist grab which upsets me because you are not Buster sir but I must do it because he is not and the parallels/absolute differences between the same gesture are important because he’s doing it HARDER than my boy ever would even at his most !! like you know when you feel shit move in your wrist that’s how hard he’s doing this, but only for a beat, returning to the hookup this will only hurt for a sec energy because it would hurt, but then he’s letting go and clicking the seatbelt in himself, again to be the one in control of this, the way the story did not pause or falter for any of that though is actually insane btw, he’s still speaking and telling this adorable story like he didn’t just show he could break her wrist if he wanted, softening himself immediately for her doing it because that word will always get him like nothing else, playing with her fingers so gently in contrast, all of this happening so quickly it’d be such a rollercoaster headfuck of different sensations, shaking his head ‘you know what you really are’ like bossy is not it because she does exactly what he wants and follows his lead always]

Rio: [me like you did not have to prove that assertion wrong but clearly we did and oh my; we’d already be shocked by it because it is such a Buster thing to do to the point you’d have that split second of is it him even though that is quite literally impossible and thus ridiculous but your brain just went there and you do not want your brain to go there so you’re putting your foot down as the tightness of his grip increases and getting up to mad speeds as you wince only partly from the pressure and more from the reminder of Buster, shaking your head in a different way to him, like you’re clearing it with the motion, slowing down from your breakneck speed and looking at him ‘and now so do you’]

Moses: [‘where’d you go?’ because you know she drifted off somewhere for a sec there, it’s said casually but the addition of the gypsy word for baby would feel and is meant to make it lowkey accusatory like excuse me you’re MY baby how dare you just check out when you’re with me]

Rio: [rolling your eyes to try and break the tension like ugh, sorry, what am I like ‘this kid used to always grab me like that, to be annoying’ downplaying it as much as you can without telling a lie about it, making it sound like it’s ancient history and just another walk down memory lane as he’s telling you this childhood story it’s made you think about that time]

Moses: [you’d have no reason to disbelieve it so I’m gonna say you do, none of these boys are masterminds we’ve never said that, so making your own face like oh okay fuck that kid but otherwise leaving it at that, put music back on but picking a songs to blast that fit the childhood memory lane of it all even if it’s giving disney soundtrack with how little girl it is, something that you remember her always wanting you to play in the car is the point]

Rio: [when your childhood was the frozen, moana so on and so forth era so what an absolute bop this undoubtedly is that Moses would be so thrilled to play for y’all, grinning at him once again like you’re that child because he’s clearly remembered this correctly and you’re buzzing, just SANGING it out because of course you still know the words]

Moses: [like, it could also be an absolute pop banger of whatever year but we get the point either way, when you’re used to Edie being shy of her singing now especially in front of you so you’re lowkey shooketh that she’s singing her heart out but in the best way, I’m sure she’s decent too because all of Alison’s children are p talented musically even if they don’t actively pursue it and you’re a church going girlie and we all know that helps too, he’ll be here full heart eyes once again just enjoying this totally for everything it is]

Rio: [mhmm, all these kids can sing well enough and it’s mostly about a presence which Rio undeniably has, even pissing about here in your car, looking at him and gesturing like sing along even though you don’t really expect him to remember the words and you’re still heart eyes that he remembered the song full stop, in an instrumental interlude, asking ‘did we cramp your style?’ because the lifestyle change was real and you want to know how he felt]

Moses: [^^ she’s her mother’s daughter with that same presence her atm unborn baby sister also has, it’s what everyone’s here for about Ali so he would be therefore about this gal too, gesturing for her to carry on like I couldn’t possibly steal your thunder girl but really he just isn’t that bitch that he’s gonna join in ‘’course not’ which could read as omg no ily so much you could never but I know actually means that he still did exactly what he wanted to do even as a father to these 3 children because it was Ali who was putting in the work and he was just doing the bits he found fun or that said children would love him for, exactly like he’s still doing with Edie to this day]

Rio: [so like a man, you wouldn’t expect to do anything else to be father of the year and Ali would honestly not be asking much because she just needed the romantic distraction shamelessly and you weren’t an out and out dick so free pass was given tbh ‘but you don’t want to do it again?’ when you genuinely were just asking conversationally because he didn’t have a hard go of it so why not have more than the one but because y’all have just banged you feel like it looks like you’ve just asked him for yourself and you’re going BRIGHT RED about it like oh no ‘not like that’ like I am sorry lol]

Moses: [it’s the realest, you were there to fuck Alison senseless and you did sir, we all know, not to mention give her some feeling of safety and security which you also did, ‘I didn’t’ not you shamelessly hinting here that you’d do it again with her but not outright saying it so you could just mean at the time no but this is a different time/you’re older etc, go to jail, watching her go even redder undeniably at that anyway, reaching out and rubbing his knuckles across her hot af cheek]

Rio: [when you are pretty sure he’s teasing you but that doesn’t save you from getting redder because you’re still THINKING about it now and wondering why the hell you had to bring that up, biting your lip when he runs his knuckles across your cheek, making a little !! noise that he probably can’t hear but you can see her lips move when she does it ‘I never imagined a future without kids’ doing a little shrug, because it’s true but now you’re like well can I have anything I wanted or is none of it going to happen]

Moses: [you’d always feel a little bit like this man is teasing you because that’s so his vibe and sometimes it’s nastier than other times, here and now you’re both clearly into the pretence like you were when you were talking before and it got brought up and in, bringing his knuckle to her lip when it moves, just resting it there for a sec ‘at your age I never imagined the future’ cos lowkey you still don’t you’re very live in the moment though I’m sure it’s harder to be now at your big age and you have to a bit more now]

Rio: [kissing it again, in this brief moment ‘Reckon it’s a better way to live’ because feeling like you’ve put all your eggs in one basket and now you have to rethink everything and of course, feeling like Buster is obsessed with his future and that’s all that matters to him which is a personal hurt at this moment in time so yeah, you’d rather follow your impulses too for the now ‘would you have liked me?’ raising a brow, signalling that he can be honest about it]

Moses: [a shrug because honestly you’re clearly not 100% happy with how you’ve been living and feel like something is missing or this wouldn’t have happened from your end cos like my boo said you’re not just banging each other and you’ve both got your own reasons for wanting this ‘you don’t need to ask’ in a we both know I would’ve way not a stfu way because she’s hot and does as she’s told but without being the utter doormat his mother is and all the other things he likes and has always looked for]

Rio: [cocking your head towards him but keeping your eyes forward, like you can talk to me about it because he said he genuinely wanted to talk and we do too even though we aren’t mad how we’ve ended up today, not forcing him to and only leaving a beat of silence before carrying on so the vibe is not awkward ‘but I’m such a needy little baby’ using the Gypsy word once again for baby, sending yourself up here for asking a question you know the answer to but also you got bants because you know that’s exactly why he likes you now]

Moses: [when you clearly do wanna talk about it but getting into it when she’s driving and can’t give you the full attention you’d obvs want if you do open up on any level doesn’t feel like the move ‘I like needy’ because you do, no bants detected, even if sometimes depending what mood you’re in what you like is to reject that neediness as you did with poor Carly and you defs do with some of these wives whereas you’re here for it with others, soz not soz he’s led by vibes and whims ‘and babies’ but using the gypsy word for them too]

Rio: [real, y’all got time to talk and the time is not now when you’re getting across some field or something to cut time off this journey lol, nodding because you know both these things about him and you are here for them both, smiling about it ‘they’ll want me to work as a babysitter not a barmaid before too long’ because baby Maggie is cooking and it’s a weird vibe even if we are ultimately excited it’s still like okay, got here very quickly]

Moses: [‘but you’re tiny’ to playfully mock her again like no no you can’t you’re just a lil baby yourself you just said so but then he’s remembering how small she is with vivid flashbacks to all of their antics, and therefore he’s LOOKING at her ‘so very very small’ said INDECENTLY with all the emphasis]

Rio: [about to say something sassy about not being too tiny to serve him pints or something but then he’s LOOKING at you when you glance over and then he says that and you are also having those FLASHBACKS, pushing some of your hair behind your ear and lifting it off your neck like you’re having a hot flush casually ‘please say we’re close now’ because we ain’t even gonna make it to this club energy has reentered the chat]

Moses: [WATCHING her messing with her hair like she’s doing a way more indecent thing over there because it’s getting to you like that as are the bombardment of flashbacks, launching himself at her to KISS the back of her neck and behind her ear in SUCH an extra way, messing with her hair himself obvs more than she ever did ‘I’ll get you close again’ because he said he was earlier in the sauciest way possible and that’s how it’s meant rn]

Rio: [GASPING like he just bit you or something more dramatic than just a kiss because WHAT a kiss and there’s nothing just about it, reaching a hand behind to find him, feel him, even though you’re then going to say ‘I’ll crash’ like keep your hands on the wheel and eyes on the road then miss ma’am but we know you won’t and you aren’t stopping driving even though you could ‘but I miss you’ as if it’s been FOREVER when you’ve barely left each other alone]

Moses: [‘we won’t’ all the emphasis on we because this is a team effort now, reaching for the wheel so she can take her hands off it and do whatever she wants with them, his eyes are absolutely never on the road though and this moment is no exception because he’s kissing the side of her neck now like it’s his job, however they gotta play musical chairs while driving he doesn’t care and will never, MOANING against her skin and cray pulse like it’s been forever as his I miss you too because duh]

Rio: [turning your head and pulling his up to kiss him on the mouth HARD for this we correction, no one is looking at the road and it isn’t a lingering kiss but it’s also not brief enough for all that, biting his lip as the to be continued promise you don’t need to make ‘am I allowed to touch you now?’ pondering aloud as you start to undo his trousers like hmm, will you slap me away this time, I don’t think so]

Moses: [we all know not only is he allowing it he’s telling her exactly what to do at every point, like not only are you gonna touch me but THIS is what you’re gonna do hun, because his hands are on the wheel so he can’t show her that way how he’s been doing with driving and so many other things, who can say what he’s into, not I because I’m not a man nor have I ever touched one like that, while driving or otherwise, and I would cringe us both to death if I tried to guess lol, we’re not recovered enough from Susan’s cringe yet lol, the important thing to note is that he is actually watching the road, if only to spur her on to do the most and get him to look away, nevertheless, it’s still the first time he has given driving any of his attention at all so we’ll take it]

Rio: [you know we’re about this and taking it as seriously as your driving lesson, determined to do a good job, watching his face the most intently you have so far because he isn’t looking and you don’t have to hold back at all, can also watch his reactions and spur him on when you see he’s into something and pull back when you want to tease him a little to make it hit when you give him what he wants, kissing his neck and tickling him with your hair (however accidentally because it’s everywhere) in a distracting way ‘you’re a good teacher’ casually, like you’re just commenting on the driving and nothing else]

Moses: [the fact that this is all occurring as they are off-roading an unsuitable car through a field is so funny to me and we must never forget, even though this pair absolutely give no fucks about their surroundings, nodding purely so that it adds to her antics but he couldn’t agree more about how great he is either obvs ‘told you you’ve no need of school’ like it’s casual and a commentary on how lame school is but he’s taking a hand off the wheel so he can hold onto her wrist for a sec, circling his fingers around it like when they were talking about being handcuffed together before and her holding his wrist during the tattoo, all that, like nbd I’ll just willingly keep you away from everywhere and everyone but me]

Rio: [truly, the unhinged nature of this must not be overlooked lmao like it’s made for a memorable first time I will give you that, not about to forget this night in a hurry; shifting in your seat, pushing your thighs together TIGHTLY, increasing your efforts for this sec too, breathing more !! ‘I’d learn so much more being with you’ because you aren’t a school hater but you also know the sort of thing you want to do and feel annoyed that you are too young to do any of it yet, plus the prospect of staying with him is very tempting when you think about it right now ‘Wish I didn’t have to go’ letting out a sigh, disguising the fact you’re regulating your breathing only slightly]

Moses: [another smug smirk like yeah I know you would and because he’s fully aware of her shifting in her seat even if he’s not looking ‘what else did I tell you?’ because he’s told her before in their convo that she doesn’t have to when she was talking about her uniform etc, LOOKING at her then, briefly, and he’s putting both hands back on the wheel again as if that compensates, but not that brief much like her kiss before]

Rio: [the sound of you against the leather is hiding no sins and we know it, smirking as you look down into your lap, going pink about it ‘but you said I couldn’t be your baby too’ suddenly pouting at this memory like that was SO mean but then we’re letting spit drop down into your lap so we can use that to ramp up how we’re touching you]

Moses: [‘it was your fault, teasing me about your other daddy’ STARING at this pout which turns into ofc watching this spit go ‘that was cruel’ like no no YOU’RE so mean, not watching the antics and watching the road again like he’s that mad about it but his body’s reaction is absolutely feral and giving the complete opposite]

Rio: [‘you made me jealous too, I’ve always been jealous of the relationship Edie has with you’ the tea even though you’re saying it now and so indecently you’re also not lying, like, can’t overstate how much this has you losing control and doing the most to him rn ‘I’d do anything for that’]

Moses: [oh lads, it really is the tea and he couldn’t be more into it either, because he literally needs to own that girl like she’s his possession and be the complete centre of her universe and have her obsessed with him, which he clearly did when she was younger but now Edie’s sick of his shit and edam are starting to turn romantic from platonic so he’s losing that and therefore intends to just transfer it to Rio instead, I can’t overstate how much he’s losing it, watch this car go into a pothole on this uneven terrain in a sec because he is NOT concentrating, instead closing his eyes because he’s so overwhelmed by the pleasure of this ‘keep doing what you’re doing and you can have it’ however long that takes him to say and however incoherently]

Rio: [mhmm and Caleb has really done a psychological number on you you don’t even want to address but you know it explains so much of why you’re here but the important thing is we are here and LOSING IT with him ‘You’re the best one, the only one I’d pick, every time’ sounds like you’re just hyping him up but you mean it, not you lowering your head instead of looking out the window like I need you to lmao, breathing against his dick like you have each other’s skin ‘say you want me to be your baby’ letting your tongue flick against him as you say this]

Moses: [Caleb has gifted us so many plot points with the ways he fucks up his 3 daughters alone, oh sir, me and my boo like guys this car is DRIFTING please concentrate before you hit this mini ditch HARD but they aren’t ‘mine’ as a MOAN because of course he does, no notes, taking a hand off the wheel once again to HOLD the back of her neck and her in place so possessively as if she was gonna go anywhere]

Rio: [thanks for that and nothing else floptina, y’all are going to crash but it’ll be a mini crash because you’re lowkey just forgetting to drive at all so at least we don’t have to truly injure yous this time even if it’s a bit of a shock, in this state we’re not giving a fuck about anything but what’s happening in this car, the way you MOAN around him so loudly because you couldn’t be more turned on and if you weren’t literally sucking dick you’d be screaming about it, putting your hands on top of his so you’re really pushing down and have no choice but to do this because that’s what you want]

Moses: [we’ll time it so y’all don’t have this crash at a moment when she could accidentally bite his dick off, deserved as that would be lol, you’re welcome, because he couldn’t be more turned on either and would be having too much fun fully controlling this girl’s head and every move so this needs to occur before either of you will even vaguely calm down, doing the absolute most HOLDING the back of her head too, she’s gonna have a headache even if she wasn’t already concussed from earlier]

Rio: [we’ll be cinematic about it and let you cum just as y’all start to crash because losing control will look slightly less unhinged with that reasoning but we all know what the truth is about what just happened, y’all loved every second of it, potential head injuries and all]

Moses: [yes we simply must, this man is nothing if not a hot cliche and in no world could you not cum as hard as he’s going to without crashing, here jemily are again with their realistic consequences, you’re welcome his car is getting more fucked up than y’all cos we could’ve been a lot meaner than we are, find them in this mini ditch but this man couldn’t care less because he sure did love every second of that and he couldn’t love her more ‘was the first lad you sucked off driving?’ because you know he wasn’t as that would be unhinged and also he’s gonna be nearer her age even if he’s a bit older so it’s even less likely, saying it like you’re welcome because I said I’d undo that for you, here’s a first that’s better]

Rio: [mhmm, y’all are very welcome for everything that just occurred and everything that didn’t, once the car has fully stopped and you can’t get thrown around any more, fully taking your seatbelt off (which would’ve been cutting into you so hard with the shit you were doing) and crawling into his lap so you’re fully face to face ‘he was nothing like you’ said like how could he be, very dismissively because it wasn’t a mood before nevermind now you have something to compare it to ‘you meant what you said’ because you two were running your mouths before he even got here but he’s not gone back on it so you’re SO overjoyed about that]

Moses: [pushing her hair off her face with both hands when she’s in his lap because it would be in a wild state after how much y’all have both touched it and everywhere and he wants to be FULLY face to face seeing her, lifting it off her neck too like she did when she was flustered before, knowing that they’ll be some kind of mark there from how he was gripping onto her during those antics but it’s not there yet so a lil disappointed noise and face like how dare those bruises not be instant when I want them rn immediately, instead running his hands over her body where that seatbelt would’ve been cutting in from her antics and then their abrupt stop to see if it hurts ‘you mean the world to me, baby’ as he’s doing this]

Rio: [🥺 at his disappointed noise and face as if you can do anything about it and make the bruises show quicker, putting her own hands around her throat like you’ll sort this rather than him be disappointed in you, can stop when he starts touching your body though because it definitely would hurt, lifting any clothes necessary so you can see better where it’s really cut into your waist, wincing slightly but you’re too distracted by what he said to be genuinely concerned about any of your injuries ‘I think I’m in love with you’ because you are your mother’s daughter and you’ve said you love him but in love is a different thing altogether]

Moses: [STARING at her hands around her throat because we all know he’d put his over hers if they weren’t already doing something with her hair, but then his GAZE obviously switches to the skin she’s exposing and her potential other injuries being revealed ‘I know you are’ as he’s kissing these seatbelt injuries better so gently like omg I’m so sorry you’re hurt when he’s nothing of the sort or he’d calm down, the arrogance but also it is blatant so you’re not wrong, anyone else who was here if anyone was would see it too]

Rio: [meeting his GAZE briefly before looking away, checking his body over with your eyes as well as your hands, leaving the subject because the fact he responded so casually and didn’t try to tell you no is all you needed to hear in this moment, closing your eyes as he’s kissing you like that ‘can I have a bath at yours?’ because not a bad idea for all the reasons now]

Moses: [smiling because you think that’s a good idea ofc you do pervert ‘no sharing with your sister tonight’ because as babies they would’ve shared always being that close in age and he’s definitely done baths because a fun activity when you only care about playing with toys and flooding the bathroom with water and bubbles, the absolute carnage this man would cause with any of his childcare, winding these children up right before bed when it’s supposed to be calm]

Rio: [my boo says I’ve got your number sweaty and she’s so right for that, smiling at him BIG ‘but I’ll share with you’ shrugging your shoulders casually as you so obviously imagine washing his entire body, running your hands across him until they end up in his hair again ‘we’ll have to use fairy for the bubbles’ clocking him for not having bubble bath lmao, gotta get creative]

Moses: [‘I don’t reckon we’ll both fit’ to remind her how BIG he is lest she ever forget, plus he lives in a caravan realistically so it’s probably a small bath like ours, as he pulls her closer and right to him, like even like this, a shameless excuse to cradle her too though basically because she’s touched him so much and they’re both as shamelessly gonna be imagining the creative positions they could and would have to be in, LOL boo drag him that’s so real, but nevertheless him being like, you can use my [insert his expensive shower gel or shampoo here] because he’s so willing to just let her waste it for bubbles, flaunting that wealth again]

Rio: [looking at him like hm, true ‘I was smaller when we could fit all 3 of us in’ laying your head on his chest like you’re so defeated about this and don’t just want to be on him and have him holding you once again, making an excited noise ‘I’ll smell like you, when you’re gone, I can remember’ sniffing him now for dramatic effect even though you both smell like sex and leather seats at this point and nothing else, still a mood]

Moses: [‘only a bit’ to remind them both how SMALL she still is yet again, taking her hand and doing a hand comparison again before HOLDING it because gotta make the most of not having to drive while you can ‘forget getting rid, I’m going nowhere, got it?’ so possessively and so sincerely ‘you’re mine’ to repeat that because we all remember when he moaned the word not that long ago]

Rio: [doing another excited noise in a different but hardly dissimilar way, you’re about it all, but forever about the size comparison ‘you make me feel that little’ whispering it as if it’s a secret and you can’t let it be overheard when y’all are truly in the middle of nowhere now thanks to that detour ‘just to work’ kissing wherever you lay on his body like that’s all I mean, that I’ll miss you that much ‘you wanna keep me’ pushing yourself up on his chest to look at him again, smiling smugly ‘just for you’]

Moses: [not you putting a hand on her throat because you haven’t stopped thinking about that clearly, the one you’re not still holding her hand with so hard, and picking her up to show her you can one handed easily and she is that little and v light, gently but that doesn’t make it anymore indecent, letting her head touch the roof of this car but not hit it before you lower her back down into your lap ‘I’m of the mind not to go in tomorrow’ in the same whisper, because you have to get up early and go to work and you will not want to ‘but you wanna be a kept woman’ added not in a whisper like ugh maybe I’ll have to, to keep you provided for]

Rio: [SQUEEZING his hand in a way you might believe means put me down but the expression on her face will tell you that it’s the total opposite and she is DYING about this, grinding on his lap happily like you’ve not only just recovered ‘you’ll have to stop turning me on so much’ into his mouth and kissing him lazily and with a smile because you know he won’t and you don’t ever want him to]

Moses: [I can imagine how big her eyes are and he’ll be loving it ‘don’t you ever tell us what I’m to do’ but as per he isn’t saying that like he’s angry the way so many others girls get it, he is the opposite of fuming hence the ‘little girl’ being added unnecessarily but totally necessarily, smiling back at her and kissing her back with a lip bite about it] 

Rio: [said eyes rolling shut as you stifle a moan into his lips at what he’s saying, moving yourself back and forth in really small, tight circles as if he’ll not notice this way and you don’t want him to ‘tell me what to do every waking hour’ because you are so in this and you can’t deal ‘reckon you’ve ruined me for anything but being kept by you’]

Moses: [‘if you’re bothering yourself to move, then move’ ordering her to do it properly or not at all as if y’all don’t have somewhere to be and don’t once again need to move this car ‘you either want ruining proper right now or you don’t’] 

Rio: [going red like you’ve been caught and LOOKING at him in an equally guilty fashion for a beat before you pull down your dress/take your top off so you’re exposing your chest to him, LOOKING at his body and down at your crotches before moving again more dramatically like you’re in the rodeo because if he wants a show he’ll get one, touching your nips and putting his hands over yours, letting him get a touch on your nips every now and then by ‘mistake’ through your fingers, moving harder every time, before moving y’alls hands up to her throat and widening your eyes at him like he’s doing it when it was very much you]

Moses: [he loves to see it, that’s as much part of the show for him as everything that comes after, nodding though when she is going for it because he always will and doesn’t believe in or give a fuck about denying himself anything, hence the life he’s living and trouble he’s always in, he’s the anti-Johnny, because that boy gives Buster a run for his money in terms of doing the right thing and denying himself things, lord knows, giving her throat a gentle squeeze because it’s a test once again, to see how much she can take and what her reaction will be, nevertheless, impatiently barely waiting for her to give one before his mouth is on her nip and he’s SUCKING it like she said when she was running her mouth in the chat]

Rio: [Mhmm, me like Johnathan would NEVER like I sure hope not lmao, we can only have so many degenerates running amok, thank you; still, this girl isn’t mad right now as she nods back at him because of course he can choke you, you really would let him do anything in this moment, PRESSING your throat into his hands when he gets his mouth on you, more for the fact he’s remembered and is thinking about the things you said than the sensation alone]

Moses: [Not MY son I say as if he’s not actually me haha, this boy however I do not claim, the audacity to let her know that you’re thinking about impregnating her rn which is exactly what that gesture means, go to jail, not so different to Johnny in that regard are you now but at least jali were in that together sir, put this teenage child down, he isn’t though, he’s doing the other nip as well, can’t be stopped or tamed]

Rio: [we all know what you mean by this gesture sir, you are catholic at the end of the day, fight it as you may lol, me like please do not get pregnant as if we have no control personally over this, we’re just watching this go down like oh lawd because is she stopping you, hell no]

Moses: [I’m not saying it’s entirely baby Maggie’s fault but if jali weren’t back together and having a baby rn would you want it half as much, the answer is no, because you’ve got this far without having any more kids, me cackling because Ronan was no threat and you didn’t care about them having a baby at all clearly LOL lol, Winnie is like imagine what a cute baby it would be, I say you shh, we all know another hookup is happening though and we all know why, soz girl that Buster literally talked about having babies with you and then denied you so you’ll be GAGGED at this]

Rio: [that’s the tea, you’re big mad for ALL the reasons but that’s no reason to do this, SIR, I think we all knew Ronan wasn’t a threat except poor Ronan lol, oh lads, we all know what’s happening here and that you are living laughing loving once again, really giving each other everything even though none of this should be happening, in this moment y’all want nothing else]

Moses: [what a petty bitch, these boys need to calm down, we all thought Johnny was extra for naming a kid after Ali and having kids in retaliation of some of hers but then there’s THIS, and by this we can all picture the INTENSE af hookup ensuing in which he does NOT pull out]

Rio: [you did not see that coming, no pun intended, here like is he going to freak out now, just casually frozen in whatever spot you died in lol]

Moses: [keeping this girl on her toes 5ever because she’d be expecting him to be mad and if it accidentally happened he would be and has before deffo but we all know he WANTED it to and it was such a deliberate act so of course not, instead what he is gonna do is climb into the driving seat from where they’ve been in the passengers one this entire time and then pull her into his lap again like teehee you’re not in any state to drive back to mine atm so I suppose I will, but like this, with him BIG stroking her hair again like there there for her deadness, lest you forget that you belong to me and there must never be any distance between us, doing all of that so casually and now just driving off when NOTHING is]

Rio: [when you’ve never experienced that before, like obviously not because you were a virgin but someone cumming inside you is entirely different physically and mentally, especially when you’re this girl, at this age and in this current headstate, letting him pull you into his lap because you really aren’t in any state to drive, it’s giving rag doll at this point, pointing to his temples with your index fingers and then twisting into the side of his head here because he’s headfucked you like he said he would, laying your cheek on his shoulder like you might actually go to sleep here on him but I highly doubt you can]

Moses: [which is how you know he’s INSANE (his whole fam is though we know, shoutout ST and Ronan for both being unhinged bitches too) because not only was she a virgin earlier which you know even if you think she’s older than she is because you’re choosing to misremember that but also that was only the 2nd time you’ve hooked with her and this is day 1, to just do that is absolutely WILD and he doesn’t have a lick of remorse about this obvs, grinning at her when she does that like yeah I did, and then doing whatever he did when she was a baby to soothe her to sleep whether that’s rub her back or how you’re speaking to her with shh baby go to sleep etc vibes, she’s too young to remember but it’s clear what you’re channelling here]

Rio: [my boo says you know what you’ve done and he does, no regrets from him on this day, we’re just here having the existential crisis that’s probably fairly standard but on crack because of how extra this man is compared to what a normal teenage boy would be like ‘is that what it’s always like?’ not being entirely clear on what you’re referring to but we mean sex when you don’t have to pull out]

Moses: [and can I just say, the way he goes from wanting to wife her up and literally impregnate her to babying her and ref-ing when she was a baby is VERY upsetting to me personally, stop it, you know you’re doing way too much sir when you make Buster a really dramatic teenage boy look chill, FYI, ‘no’ not even being like you’re special again but she is and it isn’t like that, because that was INTENSE]

Rio: [my boo says I have had enough of your shennanigans boy lol, nodding ‘good’ not like I’m glad I’m so special and you don’t have that all the time (although she’s not not saying that but that’s not our main point currently lol) just like I’m glad that that was as INTENSE for you as it was for me and that the fact I’m still shaking despite how tightly you’re holding me is okay]

Moses: [I am loling because I just remembered she had all those euros down her cleavage, RIP to them, the state of this car at this point, holding her even tighter of course, sorry to the many injuries this girl has that he isn’t sparing a thought for, just softly saying the gypsy lingo equivalent word in her ear like yes I agree but also because it’s giving as I’ve claimed you this is your lingo now]

Rio: [lmao, he’s probably lost a few hundred to the absolute carnage here on this day, at least but does he care, not remotely, never mind the cost to fix the car which you’re at least driving once again and the safest you have all evening so that’s something; copying the word after he’s said it, back in his ear too, swirling your finger around the shape of his ear and back again]

Moses: [calling her a good girl but in gypsy lingo at least so you won’t be as Buster triggered because you might not even know what he’s saying, you’re welcome sir that the car is drivable and you didn’t get stuck in those fields, I imagine you’re back on roads again now for the short distance left to his so p safe in comparison, though there’s the risk of other drivers again so swings and roundabouts, which is just as well because those words were in her ear too and now he’s playing with whatever earring she’s wearing via his mouth, gently so you don’t rip it out of her earlobe but the distraction is no less for that]

Rio: [you can probably put it together because you know good, not sure if he’s called you a little girl in the lingo but it’s a real possibility and you don’t need many context clues to get there when you have heard this language growing up if not fully saying you’re fluent in it ‘bad daddy’ saying bad in english because you don’t know/remember that one but bad is being said like it means the best and she’s kissing his ear lobe and sucking on it gently]

Moses: [I don’t think he has because he hasn’t used the lingo that much yet but in that intense hookup lord only knows what was said, everything and all bets are off if he wasn’t sucking her titty the entire time which is a possibility, but still, I agree she could work it out because Johnny calls Ali smart girl all the time and would’ve in the lingo since he was back if nothing else, giving her the word for best instead of bad shamelessly]

Rio: [‘how do I make you mine?’ like how do I say my daddy as opposed to just the title, whilst you’re finding your tattoo on his arm once more and looking at it, tracing it like you’re trying to memorise it ‘you never wanted to get it covered?’ asking casually but you really want to know how he felt]

Moses: [tell me why this tattoo is angel coded, like cherubs or something, it’s because he’s a hot cliche and I can’t let ruster have anything appaz ‘never, you’re my baby’ saying his ‘my’ again in the lingo so she knows how to do that and for the obvs added emphasis]

Rio: [it’s very legit of a tattoo you would get for a child and very catholic coded too, soz ruster for the reclaiming y’all are going to have to do later, for now she’s here peeping up at him like do you mean that genuinely or do you think it’s the right/hot thing to say because you’d be right but we also want to know the truth about things of course ‘my daddy best’ as something you’re mumbling, which makes you sound like a baby still but you’re not going to be sure on your connecting words and it gets your point across all the same]

Moses: [mhmm I fear I must, soz ruster ‘no getting rid, told you, didn’t I’ because the tattoo counts too, in reality though I just know he’s not that bitch even if he has some drunk ones he could cover he hasn’t because peeps only tend to if they REALLY hate something and can be truly bothered so, when you don’t correct her like you should because you LOVE how baby she sounds]

Rio: [my boo says you just couldn’t be bothered DON’T lie to me and  she’s so real for that ‘make you look hot anyway’ like tehe I know the look you’re going for and it’s working for you boy ‘you still got it for me, only me’ because true, nothing can change that, she knows what this man is about and it ain’t correct grammar sweetie]

Moses: [we’re all well aware that this baby angel tattoo would be a massive hit with the married ladies he likes to bang, they’d be like awww and hence you have kept this for that reason too but this poor girl doesn’t need to know that, flexing said arm muscle in a posey way like yep I know ‘and I’d only get it taken off if you said you wanted it gone’ which is true now] 

Rio: [mhmm, he’s got a very slutty boy look and attitude, we all know that, hanging on his arm when he’s flexing it like he’s an old-fashioned strong man or something ‘why would I want that?’ shaking your head, because you’re thinking of before when you weren’t in touch and it was still a nice thought and gesture to you that he still had it, very much not thinking of a possible future where that’s what you might want]

Moses: [‘hysterics’ with a shrug as if when they have their first argument she’s gonna be like COVER THAT TATTOO but I get it, you’re used to women absolutely losing it at you and you genuinely think that’s what all women eventually do and will become, and also you want her to contradict you and be like OMG no I would never ily so much, so]

Rio: [when that reminds you a little too much of the last time you saw Buster and were smashing up his kitchen so the ha that is meant to be like, how rude! Comes out a little sharper than sassy as intended, shaking your head like no, no ‘not going to happen’]

Moses: [when she told him about that so he gives her a KNOWING look like yeah exactly, so amused though because it wasn’t directed at him so he can be, doing his own lol at her back picturing her being unhinged, ‘psycho’ being said but once again he’s calling her it affectionately unlike the many other girls he’s said it to, a noise like mhmm, ‘you know what’d happen if you turned into a nightmare’ said casually when it’s actually a thinly veiled threat, me like Carly didn’t die for you to still be calling all these poor girls and women nightmares you rude hoe]

Rio: [‘you said you wanted to see it’ raising your eyebrows at him like oh, have you changed your mind? Rolling your eyes but in a similarly affectionate manner like okay sure because you don’t believe that he’d hurt you, whether you should or not is a different discussion]

Moses: [‘now you’re with me there’s just the one way I’m after seeing your eyes roll’ kissing her between her eyes like a sweet little forehead kiss moment except he’s putting it there and doing it harder like you better NOT ever sass me seriously hun]

Rio: [nodding ‘I know how you want me’ because even if this should be a red flag we know your own father has never actually disciplined you or parented you at all so you’re too about it ‘you’re not going to give me any reason to misbehave’]

Moses: [‘as a daughter of mine’ to call her his daughter more than anything because your actual daughter isn’t behaving at all how you want her to these days is she sir and you wish she would, then saying ‘his daughter’ in the lingo so she knows how to say it, even if she does already we’re living our best lives mansplaining regardless]

Rio: [melting, almost literally, back into him, cuddling into him and putting your arms around his waist, you got her because you know how easy it is for you right now ‘best daddy, best daughter’ again in this fractured baby speak, just saying that you’ll behave for him if he takes care of you]

Moses: [Not you kissing her so softly but intensely again after she’s said that, this is why I’m grossed out sir, do you want her to be your daughter or do you wanna bang her, both shouldn’t be an option, but here we are making out for a sec like he’s not driving, breaking away to breathlessly say ‘let’s get you home’ like you’re saying that in an I’ll look after you nice daddy way instead of you being impatient to once more, we see you calling yours home for her too, not subtle]

Rio: [we know it’s both and I suppose you want him to be your daddy and your DADDY so we shouldn’t judge but we are lol, we know this is a bit off but you think you are also fucked up because you wanted your cousin so you’re really rolling with it and going all in, when he says this finally hopping off his lap like okay, focus on driving, holding his hand and rearranging your dress/outfit so you are presentable enough to potentially be seen if anyone is up and out when you get to this caravan park when you’re doing that short walk from this car into his ‘van]

[alyjojo]

April 🤯 2024 Monthly - Leo

Preshuffle: I got a really positive energy from yours as soon as I switched gears from Cancer’s reading. You have an opportunity to make something everything you’ve wanted it to be and the only thing in your way - is you. Holding onto outdated judgements, grudges, maybe needing to save money, for most it’s like you could if you wanted to, but you’d have to let some other thing go and you don’t want to.

Meditation: You were raking leaves for people around the neighborhood, fall could be significant for you in this situation. Rather than using any new/updated equipment or help, you were doing it the old fashioned way, rake and bags, alone. It was taking *forever*, and you refused to be swayed. Still, everyone on the block was waiting to be next, you had takers, it could just be done easier / quicker / in a better way.

Main energy: Wheel of Fortune

Some of you may have a spontaneous moment of serendipity, there’s an instant attraction or even love at first sight, it feels that way anyway. You could be passionately interested in someone around you, probably someone new, that you’re working with in some way. Could be work but could be anything, the guy fixing your roof or a client at work, the cute girl that makes your coffee, anyone. This person could have a whole family, or you do, it’s like a casual flirting thing that makes you feel good and maybe makes you realize what’s missing in your own world. Take it as a sign without seeing it as like…omg I met my soulmate at McDonalds, I’m too late, no. It’s not that. Origin and Death show something can stop as fast as it starts, especially something new. Fleeting. If you’re coupled up, you could be the one initiating romance back into this connection, with someone you love deeply but also like…let’s play dress up, you’re the pilot 😆 FUN. Those that are single may have their careers on hold while waiting for “the right person”, but this could just be a phase of life where it’s time to get to work with Order as one of the oracles. Moon Virgo tends to avoid love unless they’ve got everything else together, or not at all buuut the right person maybe, that could be a message for those of you that maybe don’t - don’t take it if it don’t fit. If there’s no particular person then it’s just not time, the Wheel is moving and you can have faith for a later time.

What’s going on in April:

Page of Cups:

Cute energy, sweet messages, crushing butterfly in the stomach kind of feelings, Ace of Wands shows someone new, or a new cycle in your current relationship. They do things to you, make you feel all of the right things, especially in regards to passion. 10 Pentacles at the bottom, could be work related again, could be a long established relationship that you are breathing new life into, or again you or they have no idea the other person is deeply involved elsewhere. Meaning the crush may be secret, unsaid, held back. I don’t get that as the main story though, for most it’s probably work or something where you have to work with this person as a team. You both volunteer garden on the weekends idk, but you work well together in whatever you do, and there’s definitely some flirting. Harmless, a Page is just cute, could be confused with “being nice”, no one is trying to step on any toes. But do you feel it, yeah 💯 If you’re already with this person, then you’re amping up the sweetness because you “crave” this person - I heard crave. You want them to feel good, they make you feel good, apply that in all ways, both sides. Or that’s what you want anyway. If not love, you could feel inspired to work on some sort of side hustle, creative stuff, art, writing, drama literally is here - any form of acting, etc. All this Aries energy has you motivated to live.

The Hanged Man:

For those of you fresh out of something, this is the row that tells you to chill, heal from what you’ve just gotten out of, because impulsive mistakes are likely. Some of you may be following your crotch vs. your heart, getting googly eyed over a pretty face with not much to really offer you - that you’d actually want. Some of you just want to feel desirable. I’m sure you are. You’re holding onto a lot from the past that needs to be sorted and dealt with, 8 Swords at the bottom shows you could be keeping yourself stuck or blind to issues that may only repeat if they’re not learned - Wheel of Fortune. You could have a history of rushing from one to the next and then…karma. If it’s the same thing every time it’s a pattern.

2 Cups:

This is what you want, genuine, reciprocated love. But you chase people with shallow intentions, maybe for shallow reasons, they’re hot & fun but not dependable, or long lasting. 2 Pentacles rev can show players, maybe you date players and then think you can change them, or you keep attracting people that try to change you and that’s not happening - but you keep ending up in the same boat. If you’re wanting someone to leave someone else, karma usually plays out as they’ll end up doing the same thing to you, so that’s no good either. If you’re the one in a connection, you could feel trapped to it, forcing a connection that doesn’t feel real or maybe it didn’t until now, because you’re seeing something that’s missing. Some of you may have more like…duty relationships than romantic ones. Or that’s been the phase it’s in. But you are resistant to change, because you’re a fixed sign, or you were, if you saw the light don’t just blame the other person, you were in that too. Single ones feel like they’re falling in love, or actually are, but they’re forcing friendship or a smile because…reasons. Holding back, either out of fear or because of practical reasons, someone is taken and that’s that. But you feel things.

3 Pentacles:

You’re cooperating with this person whoever they are, Queen of Cups. The Page earlier can show you have children with this person, or that you’ve known them for a really long time, 3 Pentacles can be an old schoolmate or someone you’re reconnecting with, 6 Cups has popped up a couple of times. Maybe you both have children involved in your lives somehow, or they make you feel like a kid again. If this is you, you’re in love with this person, or you feel like you are anyway. 8 Swords at the bottom, you don’t tell them. If they’re not single, that’s the inner conflict, or you’re not. You could be needing to focus more on your own self love and are sabotaging yourself by thinking someone else will “fix” an emptiness you’re feeling. That’s deep. If this is your person, you both may be hard workers that raise kids and just never have time to spend together, you don’t express your deeper emotions - which are very loving. Time would be the issue there, but you love them and want them in all of the ways. If you’ve had some kind of an ending, you’re forcing kindness and platonic interactions but you still love this person. You or they could act in an orderly sort of manner, just business, which makes it awkward to be emotional even though you’re feeling it.

2 Wands:

Moving forward, this is showing you plan to just make decisions for yourself, worrying about yourself. If they join you, great, and if they don’t, there’s not much you can do. This could be sabotage if you are in a close relationship and just not being vulnerable or emotional with your person. Some of you may have a moment where you fall madly in love, and then you’re over it and moving on with your life, in and right back out. Some could be planning to be single, or planning someone else to be single, then you’ll speak up and take action towards this person - but until then you’re not doing or saying anything - to avoid any drama it may cause, especially if this is a 3rd party thing, Drama is here and you want to avoid it. This all could be switched. Essentially you need to just worry about you, your job, your laundry, your friendships, and your life. If someone’s meant to be, you can’t miss them. I do see “meant to meet”, again I’m seeing a close brush with someone hot & flirty at some shop you’re at, and then they leave and you never see them again. But you miss that feeling, and now know what to search for (along with the meaningful stuff yeah?), or bring into your already established connection, it’s a (hopefully positive) lesson.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Pisces, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Cancer & Virgo

Oracle: ✨

10 Burden 🫠

Many times we take on the stress of those we love and care for. We see it as the ultimate sacrifice. We take on others’ burden to save them the trouble or heartache. Ironically, the way energy and the universe work makes this a very counterproductive way of operating. When we take on the burdens of others, we deny them the ability to learn and grow from their own lessons. We also interfere with divine planning and timing. Never one to be thwarted - any lessons circumvented will absolutely reappear - sometimes with much more force than what was originally intended.

Ask yourself if you or another is taking on troubles and lessons not belonging to them out of a need to be needed. This stems from the fear that you (or they) are fundamentally not enough. This is not true, you are created perfect. Your fears and doubts keep you separated from this truth. This is the separation one can feel from Spirit. Once you accept and believe you are perfect and worthy, the tendency to make yourself invaluable to others through your help and assistance will go away. Your relationships can then be based on truth and not manipulation.

Origin 🌱

Initiation - Creativity - Vitality

Death 💀

Endless - Harm - Inevitable

Order 🧮 Moon Virgo

Drama 🎭 Mercury Leo

We enter into April as:

Wolf of White Light 🌙

“There is a guide inside of us.”

Wolf of White Light comes to remind you that you must use your instinct, for it is what protects you. You are more aware of this than you realize. Your instinct is finely tuned and accurate, so why doubt it? He reminds us that focusing on past injustices will not prepare us for the present. Wolf of White Light warns that time spent in the past also leaves you defenseless in the future. Letting go of the old is signified, for if you do not, you may miss the opportunities that Spirit has planned for you. Wolf is the spirit guide that comes to lead you up the mountain you are about to climb. He only appears to those seeking a guide. Allow him to guide you, and follow your instincts. Remember that when the Wolf appears, it’s time to move on. He is a reminder that your journey is guided. With your eyes focused forward, the Wolf is waiting in the distance for you. Now is the time.

What is to be learned in April:

Pink From Pinkton 💗

“I am more than I think I am.”

Pink shows us the process of self-awareness. Are you trying to recapture a past moment that no longer fits? You may have outgrown something, and while it can be a challenge to admit it, being fully who you are is much more glorious than trying to fit yourself into the past. If you are presently upset or struggling with a difficult situation, it may be because you are trying to make something work when it simply can’t. You may be seeking to keep something far less than what you deserve. With self-awareness and discovery comes a new obligation, using your new knowledge. New ideas, projects & opportunities can only come if you stop blocking them.

Pink may be a lucky color 🩷

[thesunshineriptide]

Our World au - twst boys get jobs in our world (part 2)

Part one

They’ve been stranded for a month now, and expenses are getting a bit tight. Off to work you go, you funky little wizards!

Characters: Kalim, Jamil, Vil, Rook, Idia, Malleus, Lilia

Kalim:

* Kalims skills include: being cute, being thoughtful, and being friendly

* He may not have a lot of skills, but he’s trying his hardest and that’s what matters

* He ends up getting hired at Trader Joe’s

* He’s very excited at every task there is

* Which, there are quite a few

* Like Floyd, he needs constant stimulation and changing tasks

* Unlike Floyd, though, he’s set water on fire before so working in food service is a no

* That’s why this is such a good fit!

* He just has to stock stuff, ring people up, and be friendly

* He can do all that!

* He gets a reasonable pay for a part time job, and a discount on the food

* He spends so much time snacking at work though

* On the plus side, he can expertly tell anyone what they can pair almost anything with

* It’s broadened his horizons! And he will happily share everything with everyone at home

* He is still bad with money though so whenever someone asks for Taco Bell money he hands them like $50

Jamil:

* Jamil has a lot of work experience, and ends up doing miscellaneous tasks

* Lawncare, babysitting, dog walking, cleaning. He does it all

* Eventually, though, Kalim says he should see if he can teach dance classes or something

* Floyd overhears

* Floyd grins wickedly

* This leads to Jamil getting dragged to the gym Floyd works at and dumped into his boss’s office

* “I found someone who can teach dancing! Sea snake’s real good at it too! C’mon, show him”

* Jamil doesn’t exactly wanna piss off floyd or get him fired, and begrudgingly busts a move

* He is hired on the spot with a resigned sigh and a whole bunch of paperwork

* He surprisingly loves it though

* He’s always loved dancing, and now he gets to get paid for it? And he can keep a constant schedule?

* He gets paid pretty well, and some life seems to shine through him when he’s at home. He genuinely looks happy for once in a long while

* Kalim brings him snacks when he can

* And Floyd attends Jamil’s class every once in a while, so Jamil gets to watch in amusement as a fish out of water flops around

Vil:

* Here he is, in a shopping mall, working a minimum wage job at sephora.

* And here’s the thing. He’s like, really good at it

* Like, really really good at it

* His passion for making people look their best and his in depth knowledge of makeup means this is a perfect fit for him

* If it weren’t for the fact that during the week, this is so completely, utterly, annoyingly boring.

* Not to mention, he isn’t even earning enough to buy half the shit he sells

* How is he supposed to make sure every product is up to snuff?

* Regardless, whenever he works, every customer walks away with an insane amount of products and a shine in their eyes

* I mean, except the ones who find him insulting and walk away

* He’s bored, though. There’s no films, homework, music, nothing to study.

* So he starts teaching vocal lessons around the neighborhood.

* Vocal lessons turn into a part time job at the music store

* Now he has two jobs, twice the pay, and he doesn’t have to be around the 15 people at your place.

* He spends his money on shit specifically for work. Nicer outfits, soaps, makeup, instruments, etc.

* Workin boy get that dough.

Rook

* Here’s a fun fact, hunting skills don’t just go away when magic is removed

* Here’s another fun fact, newspapers still exist!

* It takes a while for rook to find a job that really fits with him

* See, he can be helpful. Sometimes he can even act normal

* But he’s a hunter, and isn’t gonna stop just because of some silly reason like he’s in a different world and stalking is illegal

* No, of course not!

* But he has a way with words, doesn’t he? And he’s got all the skills to sniff out a good story

* So after several doesn’t failed attempts at a job (including fast food, office work, private training, etc.) he eventually becomes a reporter for the local newspaper!

* Sure, nobody buys newspapers anymore, but online journalism is strong and well!

* And depending on where you live, buzzfeed might be nearby

* He makes little to no money but at least you don’t have the French in your house 24/7

* Also rook starts smoking oui’d once he makes some money and suddenly he’s a lot less terrifying when he’s digging through your cabinets for Doritos.

Idia

* The chances of Idia getting a job seem slim to none

* I mean, he doesn’t want to leave his room at home, why would he here?

* And without his brother?

* Surprisingly, Idia is a lot more social here than in twisted wonderland

* He’s feeling a lot better, and he doesn’t have anywhere to hide. Nobody knows who he is, he doesn’t have flaming hair anymore, and-

* And there’s so much anime to watch, and so many new games to play!

* But he knows that he needs money. He doesn’t have any funds here

* After some encouragement from his new roommates, he goes for a walk around town, and guess what he finds

* A nerd store

* Depending on where you live, maybe it’s a comic shop, or a board game store, or a GameStop, but whatever it is, you’re never removing him from it.

* You swear that his eyes have sparkles in them when he comes back from his walk and announces he got a job

* Yes, like that. Literally spent Three hours in the store and he’s on the payroll.

* I don’t think anyones seen him happier.

* And as for his brother,

* Well, when Idia saves up enough money, he buys himself a laptop

* He ends up making a copy of Ortho, although he’s a little more stilted than the robot we know and love, and downloads him on his phone, so he can take him everywhere and show him everything

* He says once they’re back to their world, he’ll upload everything to Ortho’s database, so he can experience everything too

Malleus

* What’s a 200+ year old fae Prince to do in a new world

* He’s not great with technology, he has no fortune to rely on, and his skills are…questionable, at best

* But there’s a little secret almost every town has

* Your town - yes, you, reader- your town has a historical museum

* Most of the time we never think about these places. They’re old and usually smell a little and we go there once as a field trip or something and never again, right?

* Not malleus!

* No, no, he finds your local museum and immediately is enthralled

* There’s so much history about your town! Why did you never tell him about this?

* The first time he goes inside he spends hours pouring over all the information, soaking it up like a sponge

* He goes so far as to start asking questions from the curator, to which they reply “You might as well work here,” in a joking tone

* But malleus doesn’t take it as a joke

* No, he starts working here unofficially at first, taking people through a tour of the museum and sprinkling in some history that isn’t even available in the museum

* And eventually the curator(s) just add him to the payroll

* Why?

* There’s a sudden influx of people attending the museum, mostly teenagers, mostly girls, who are all coming to see this one of a king gothic beauty talk about the architecture of the ceiling of this particular room.

* And the museum is making BANK

* so malleus accidentally gets a job. He shows up to work even when he’s not scheduled because he loves it so much.

Lilia

* So we all agree Lillia shouldn’t cook, right?

* Lillia doesn’t agree

* Luckily he works at a cafe so there’s not a lot of food

* He…he can be trusted to make some coffee, right?

* Well….kinda.

* He’s trusted to make iced coffees

* At Dunkin’ Donuts

* He’s mostly doing cleaning

* After a few weeks of this he finally takes a cooking class nearby

* Holy shit does it change his life when they start explaining healthy meals

* See, back in twisted wonderland, he wouldn’t have listened

* He has magic

* And is old

* But here?

* He has no choice because they won’t let him make hash browns or anything

* He set the oil on fire

* Anyway, after that his cooking improves slightly and they allow him to make orders

* Someone has to threaten to fire him to get him to stop adding weird shit though.

[theveryworstthing]

So over on patreon Trevor asked for my take on the Addams Family and I grew up LOVING the Addams family movies so here we are. Instead of doing a straight up style interpretation, I decided to do a full on design challenge, using the characters as bases to make a black southern gothic Addams au. I actually drew the kids first, using the character bases of Wednesday and Pugsley to create some delightful kiddos I'm calling Sunday and Blanche. I of course then redesigned Gomez and Morticia into Carlisle and Mortesha.

The Addams have a very specific high aristocratic goth aesthetic (they've got a butler and nobody really works among other things) so in this re-imagining I wanted to go with vibes that run a little more middle class/upper middle class.  I thought it would be interesting to think about what would be considered weird and off-putting in an entirely different culture, and how being a big ol' goth is way less controversial than it used to be.

I tried to keep this short (HAHAHAHAHAHA) so I didn't spin off into an essay about villain coded families, black people in the horror genre, and normalcy as it pertains to social survival, but just...bits of that are in these designs and lore. Keep that in mind.

Also I made the kids twins because they've flip flopped in age so much in different media and also twins run in my family (i'm the daughter of one). And let's face it, I'm pulling a lot of their southern gothic traits from living as a southern goth so *shrug*.

10 thousand pounds of lore incoming loooooooooool.

The Parents

From the moment he saw her he knew that there was a 50/50 chance of him either never making it out of that swamp alive or marrying the figure that was creeping out from under the distant willow tree in a black cocktail dress. The third time she found him trussed up in one of her traps, he complimented her rope work and asked if she'd like to go out sometime after his head wound stopped bleeding.

Or while it was still bleeding.

If she was into that.

Some kids and a mysteriously burnt down Piggly Wiggly later, their love is still as strong and inescapable as a bear trap in a sink hole.

Carlisle Guillermo (now Addams through marriage but I wanted to give him two first names for a name since Gomez has two last names) makes a vaguely described living practicing ‘law’ around town. A loophole king, people come to him from miles around with contracts signed in blood, fights over chunks of hair buried in their rivals’ yard, dehydrated primate hands, memories that seemed like dreams until the evidence of their happenings became too real, and other regular Legal Items asking for counsel which he is all too happy to give. For a price. Sometimes that price is a homemade pie and sometimes it’s a million dollars, depends on who you are. Whatever you’re asked to pay it’s worth that price, and if you try to scam him out of work or he just plain doesn’t like you? Well. He knows how to twist a contract better than anything at the crossroads.

And he always gets his due.

He doesn’t just serve the local (living)humans though, there are many things that need proper legal representation in this day and age. You wouldn’t believe how many city councils try to build on sacred burial grounds even after he lets them know that his ghostly clients are totally gonna haunt the FUCK out of the ensuing shitty condos and curse their families for all eternity. At least 50% of his energy goes towards dealing with real estate bullshit.

Carl is an excitable and good natured(?) man who loves his family, cigars, dancing, and his many knife-based hobbies. People find him very charming once they get past the feeling that they’re talking to a sultry gator badly disguising itself as a human. I didn’t put a ton of deep thought into designing him, mostly I wanted to make a middle aged dude who looked like he would have been voted ‘most likely to smooch the literal devil’ in high school. Tbh he probably has, but no demonic ex’s can compare to his lovely wife~

Mortesha Addams(her name was already perfect so I just tweaked it)is a woman of many talents. A self proclaimed homemaker, she prides herself on a greenhouse full of Concerning Foliage, a beautiful wasp apiary, and a coop full of what are probably chickens that she keeps for what are probably eggs. She’s also an avid creator of the outsider art that can be seen around the estate. She has taken on the family business of selling her homemade goods in a little stall by the road just outside the swamp with her mom, and makes pretty good money doing so. A surprising amount of poison gets bought in quaint southern towns.

Speaking of poison, people who come out to the edge of the swamp to buy it are usually carrying a lot of secrets around, and Mortesha knows most of them. It’s not like she pries the truth out of people, it just so happens that many nervous hellos eventually turn into the tragic backstory power hour if she’s alone with a client for long enough. She supposes that’s just how people are. Despite the fact that the Addams are very active in the community (whether the community likes it or not) she especially, as a direct descendant of the first Addams matriarch, is seen as…Well not an outsider because the community feels A Certain Way about outsiders and despite it all the Addams are their people, but maybe something like an exception. They feel like whatever weirdness they’re hiding can’t be weirder than any given Addams, so they get a little loose with their words.

This is amusing to her, since Addams’ don’t naturally keep the kind dramatic secrets that their surface level prim and proper neighbors do. It’s much more fun to openly talk about those things.

Do they have a sadly decrepit yet terrifying grandma up in the attic? Yeah, like three. They got a tv, all the creepy porcelain dolls they could want, and they’re close to family. Where do you keep your gram-grams?

Any bodies buried on the property? Yeah some, but most are thrown to the gators.

Any creeping through the balmy summer night with ill intentions? Yeah dude, everyone loves a nice family stroll.

What about dangerous forbidden love? If an adult Addams isn’t incorporeal then they’re either queer or in a torrid romance with some person/thing mysteriously drawn to that awful swamp. Sometimes both at the same time. Most times actually.

Mortesha would know.

The current head of the Addams family is just as outgoing as her husband but a lot quieter and harder to read. She never really seems to get mad about much and always has a genteel smile for everyone whether they deserve it or not. A seven foot tall human shaped “Oh, bless your heart”. A perfectly composed Lady even when she’s, oh I dunno, burning down a Piggly Wiggly. You know. A regular southern mom. Chat her up at the hair salon for 50% off a jar of wasp honey with your next purchase of a mysterious but foreboding packet of herbs.

Designing her was pretty easy because I just drew a lankier Grace Jones and called it a day. I had some problems with her outfit simply because if we were going HARD southern gothic then she’d probably be wearing a white/cream dress with a fuller skirt but I thought keeping the silhouette and the black was more important. She’s supposed to be an anti southern gothic southern gothic character anyway. A woman who looks like she has a million secrets who is actually the most open person you could meet. For better or worse. The red hair came from a coloring error that I really ended up liking (my mom had red hair her whole childhood that only darkened up in high school so I can buy that an Addams can be naturally fire engine red) and the veil was to get more of that classic Morticia silhouette in there.

The Children

Sunday and Blanche are the twin children of Carlisle and Mortesha Addams. Some say the Addams clan got their cursed homestead when a wealthy local businessman made a deal with the devil and lost, leaving his grand mansion to his least favorite maid and cutting his losses once he realized that the swamp would do everything it could to drag the house into the water and take what was owed with its horrible curse. Others say that the family has just always squatted there and no one really cares because man, fuck that particular swamp. Have you been in there? Absolute horror show.

Anyway.

Blanche is the more outgoing sibling and quite the engineer/mad scientist in the making. He started going grey at 2 weeks old but considering he was also rocking some extra fingers, toes, and a tiny tail (he takes after his dad), his parents just put it on the 'not life threatening' pile and decided not to worry about it. He's the kind of smart that teachers find utterly infuriating, less a dog eagerly learning and obeying commands and more a hyena who keeps teaching itself how to pick locks. He has a few friends in his school's robotics club (which they honestly allowed him to make so the school could contain his... creations) but mostly hangs out with his sister exploring the swamp. They find all sorts of neat things in there! wedding rings, suspiciously lumpy garbage bags, cloaked cultists who can't read private property signs, it's an adventure every day!

Blanche is all about experimentation with his creations, his look, and his tether to this mortal coil. Is lipstick a cool thing to try? Let's find out. Can he get out of a strait jacket fast enough after being pushed into the depths of the swamp by his sister? let's find out. He's not dead yet and confused local doctors can attest to the fact that he's rarely attained more than a bad bruise so he's pretty set on continuing to kiss rattlesnakes on their cute little heads and have his sister practice her knife throwing at him until that fact changes.

Blanche is very much a country goth. Cowboy boots (customized by his mom), knife, and lighter are daily accessories. He likes to wear the crusty swamp jewelry they find (the rust adds a splash of color!) and despite appearances he does try to keep himself neat. He's just got  natural Grunge Colors and a tendency to wear clothes he likes until they fall apart. Pugsley always seemed the most modernly styled to me (which might just be because little boys clothes have been the same for a long time) so I wanted Blanche to be the most purposely fashionable Addams. Everyone else is goth by nature, but he's the only one truly familiar with goth as an alternative fashion.

I got really into designing Blanche because honestly, I find Pugsley to be the most boring member of the family. And he was hard to design! I had to mess with his vibe a lot to get him looking how I wanted. I know he's supposed to evoke an " 'evil' little boy next door who's parents never reign him in", but that's just goth Dennis The Menace.  I's 2020. We can at least go queer goth Calvin.

Sunday was much easier to design. Wednesday was my favorite as a child (of course) and I really wanted to keep the spirit of her look while adding things like billowy sleeves (it gets HOT down here), big poofy twists instead of braids, and a nice tie. She's a professional after all, been running the local pet cemetery since she was 6 and the previous groundskeeper met with an unfortunate accident after telling her that tarantulas don't have souls. Her specialty is creating beautiful naturalistic animal funerals similar to those that Maquenda (https://linktr.ee/artofmaquenda) makes, and she takes pride in creating miniature dioramas of her subjects after each burial which she uses as a kind of 3D catalog for future clients.

She really wants to try out her skills on humans one day. Well. Publicly try out her skills. Lotta random bodies float into the swamp. None of them have turned down her requests for diorama models so far. Most seem downright flattered. Plus, she usually figures out which graveyard/crime scene they floated over from and gets her parents to give them a lift back. She'll even help enact terrifying revenge from beyond the grave on whoever put them there if she's not, y'know, busy.

Besides arts, crafts, and pet based funerary arrangements, Sunday is an avid lover of archery (any ranged weapon really), books where little fantasy adventure animals die dramatic deaths, and history. She is That Kid who eagerly raises her hand when asked who Christopher Columbus was and ends up being sent out of class after 15 minutes for making 'a scene'. Her favorite party trick is just picking an item in the room and talking about how it relates to either some obscure historical figure with a buck wild life or a horrible disaster. At least one charity pancake breakfast ended with children in tears after her vivid description of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.

Social-wise, while Wednesday is the girl that people ask to smile because they think she'd, "look so pretty", Sunday is rarely asked anything at all. People just kind of assume from her quiet nature (in between horrible history facts) that she's angry all the time and that she hates everyone. This is untrue. She hates some people but she's ambivalent to most everyone else and even downright friendly if you bother to talk to her like a person instead of a terrifying cryptid. Like, she IS a terrifying cryptid but she's also a little girl.  

That’s about it for now. One day I might do the other family members but for now I’m happy with the four I’ve redesigned. Making an au! Lurch in a family that doesn’t do butlers could be interesting. Over on patreon I put forth that he could just be Motesha’s mute little brother (similar bone structure) but Amy Crook had the nice idea of quote: “ a mysterious "cousin" that "helps around the house" whose origins are both long in the past and faintly unsettling. He's good for lifting heavy things, like that tank of propane you're about to throw into the burning Piggly Wiggly... “ which i now consider canon. Who's kid is he? How old is he? Not important. Anyone willing to commit arson with you is family.

Annnnyway.  This challenge was a lot of fun! I love indulging in AU’s.

[hopefully-hellbound]

M!Briar x gn!PC, soft smut, Briar gets PC alone after they’ve been skipping shows and PC just has a little too much on their plate

Briar wears a shitton of rings, its an idea that @inkyquince has cemented in my brain so yeah

The doors to the limo close behind you, and you’re squished between two men, much bigger than you. On the opposite side, Briar sits with legs spreaded, relaxed, so calm it’s even more eerie than if he were yelling.

You know what it was about, that you couldn’t hide forever – not after the talk between you two, not after the last time. Briar took a thousand bucks from you, twice in a row now, and you managed, you pulled through and promised yourself to never do it again... but then you didn’t make the rent that week. And Bailey sold you off, to some scary man in the woods, you needed weeks to escape him and now that you did, the second you got out of the woods, Briar snatched you and pulled you off of the street.

Oh how you wish to disappear into nothing when he drags a smoke through his cigar, taking his sweet time before talking.

“.... had a nice vacation?”

“S-sir, i wasn’t- I wasn’t at home, I tried to come but-“

“Tried to come. And you know, so many good, loyal costumers also wanted to come, but they couldn’t, since the star wasn’t there.”

The puff of smoke from the cigar hits you in the face and you cough, terrified of what is going to happen, why Briar is still so calm.

“You see, darling, you’re making my business look like a joke, especially after I’ve so kindly given you a third chance to redeem yourself. Its 2000, for the missed show and late fees.”

Your heart sinks to your boots when he stretches out his hand, and you start stuttering. Bailey, Bailey, you need that money for Bailey, and if you won’t have it, who knows what would come next? None of the kids have ever come back from wherever he sold them if they missed rent too many times!

Briar notices the way your eyes widened in fear, the tears pooling in them until dripping down your cheeks... only to be wiped off by his suddenly gentle hand that cupped your face.

“Oh, come on now, darling... You’re gonna cry now? It’s just consequences of your own actions, nothing more...”

You don’t know why you would choose him to break down to, or why that would even be a good idea in the slightest, but after weeks and weeks of Eden’s calloused, rough fingers, snatching your neck, hair, chains, pinning you down and slapping you around and- and- and everything, your weakened body melts under his touch. A simple touch of hands that aren’t Eden’s, and you’re sobbing, broken from your horrible experience, and before you know it, you’re crying into Briar’s chest while he holds you.

You don’t know how much time passes, or how much did you say – babbling about hunters and wolves and Bailey and money, Briar just sat there and let you vent, tears and snot on his silky shirt and his hand caressing your hair.

The thugs he brought with him look confused when your violent sobs finally calm down, while Briar is just... thinking. Still smiling.

“... and that’s why you need the money, darling?”

He finally asks as you slowly pull away, yet his hold on your waist keeps you practically on his lap, you dont know how you got there. You nod, wiping away the tears that you’ve run out of by now.

“Ah, I see now...”

Bailey has made himself such a great business, hasn’t he? Briar thinks as he looks down at the cute little thing that has just clung to him with such desperation it stopped him from slapping it’s snotnosed face away before it’d touch him. He can’t help but be a little jealous of the caretaker’s idea, that’s a steady income of good cash with no police on his ass... But then again, Briar didn’t have to change diapers of his whores at any point in his career. He decides it’s not that bad of a deal he has going on himself.

But he’s conflicted, on what should he do with you, on how much he’s going to care about your silly problems...

“I’m... sorry...” you suddenly mutter, unable to look him in the eyes anymore, and you instantly have his attention again. “I didn’t mean to... I-I’ll have your money, i promise, just- could i work it off, please, sir-“

“So cute, darling, that you think you’re worthy of it.”

He chuckles, and tears and shame immediately fill your eyes again, you’re practically pleading him to throw you in a crowd and have them break you down completely.

It would be your fault at this point, for being this pathetic.

But, Briar doesn’t do that, he doesn’t do any of what would be expected of him.

“Darling~” he practically purrs, leaning down to be almost face to face, “you should’ve just came to me if you were in that much trouble, daddy could help you~”

Your eyes widen and you almost try to wiggle away, but he holds you firmly, pulls you closer, and he knows you can feel how hard he got just under you. Yet, you stop fighting that you never really began, he can see it in the way you look down and back at him that you’re considering the options.

Briar liking you is a good option.

Briar liking you is always a good option.

“sorry...” you mumble, small hands shaking as they reach for Briar’s shoulders.

“That’s right, be sorry... Why would I want to loose my little star? To some brute in the forests, neverless...”

He’s manhandling you, pulling you closer, ignoring the thugs behind you that know how to mind their own business, Briar’s rings brushing against your jaw as he cups it and brings your face right to his, his breath soft on your lips.

“My best little whore?~”

He says it like its your name, it sends shivers down your spine, this man is about to devour you and yet you’re hypnotized, holding your breath, a bunny in a snake’s embrace.

“I want you to come to me next time, love. Come running with your tail between your legs and I will find a way for you to make as much as you need. Do you understand?~”

You nod, and he moves closer, seals the distance between you with a tender kiss, it leaves you breathless and you pull yourself towards him to return it, but the touch of his lips doesn’t last long and he backs off in a tease. You shouldn’t expect another one anytime soon, not with Briar. His kisses are gifts, offers of love, rarer that diamonds and there to lure his prey in.

And you took the bait like a touch starved whore, already leaking through your undergarments and whining for another, before Briar’s hand on your head stops you.

He pushes you down and you find yourself kneeling between his legs, looking up at him like he’s your god, and in a way, he is.

The one who came to save you.

“Show daddy how grateful you are for his offer, darling.”

He tells you as he reaches to light up his cigar again, and you do, you hold onto his thighs and you mouth at his cock so desperately to prove you’re good, that you’re worth it. And as if you weren’t there, Briar talks to his goons about things that you can’t understand, your mind empty and nothing but him in your head and heart and throat.

Your god, your savior, your... daddy.

And while you’re tearing up with effort to please him, prove your worth, Briar’s mind is also somewhere else. Namely, just how pretty your face will be once he cuts you off again, and you can’t pay Bailey. How twisted in disgust and agony it will be when you’re covered in worms at the underground brothel.

How grateful it will be once Briar graciously swoops in and saves you, once again, from himself.

[imaeraser]

Hello!

I really love your headcannons about Strawhats with Teen reader, that's why...

If you don't mind - Can I ask for Platonic Strawhats with Female! Teen reader that tend to be the quietest in the crew because of her shyness?

I also had and the next idea after this one- but I don't want to overwhelm you with it. Take care of yourself!

Have a nice day!

Sorry for the wait, here you go!

Luffy

He was intrigued by you

That’s why he forced you onto his ship. And then he realized that instead of having a convoluted backstory, you were shy

And quite honestly it was refreshing

Even though he likes being around Chopper and Usopp and be loud as heck, he likes spending time with you

You balance him out

And even though you’re not an adult, he’ll go to you for advice. This makes the rest of the crew confused (and low-key mad) because he doesn't want their advice

But most of the time he doesn’t take your advice anyways

I think that you two are close, seeing as he is endlessly extroverted and will break through your walls no matter how hard you try

Most of the time he leaves you to your own devices, but he will drag you to large parties and make you feel as welcome as possible

He does the same on the ship, but that was never a problem anyways because everyone likes you

Feels the need to protect you, not only because you’re a member of the crew, but also because you’re the youngest

10/10 I can see him giving you some of his food (only some)

Zoro

Ultimate big brother vibes

Likes to go to you for a quiet space because the ship can be loud

So he spends a lot of time with you… sleeping

He also half-asks questions to fill up the space and gets to know you pretty well

He also feels a need to protect you since he sees you as kinda weak (but almost everyone is weaker compared to him)

He will also feel the need to shield you from the craziness of the ship

Like sir, it’s nice that you care, but they can take care of themselves too you know?

Doesn't incorporate you into the crew since… he’s mostly sleeping. But he would try, and he would fail because they already like you

Cue him being shocked that he wasn’t your only friend on board, but to be fair he is sleeping most of the time and not watching you

He likes the calmness you bring to the ship, good for his meditation sessions (but I don't think you want to just sit there why he meditates)

I can see you having fun with him and Chopper, maybe play a board game

8/10 calm down sir, they can take care of themselves

Nami

She’s like the cool and fun older sister

She likes to dress you up in her old clothes, and then gush about how cute you look (no, not her super tiny bikinis)

She takes it onto herself to guide you through… whatever I guess

Also feels the need to protect you from dudes

I think that she gives good advice, but when combined with Robin the two of them give life-altering wisdom

You can go to her for anything from how to sew to how to manipulate people

Always gives you juice when the crew starts drinking

If the ship starts to get too rowdy she will shout at everyone to keep it down, and then turn to smile at you as if her actions were for you

She will share her tangerines with you

I think that she wants to protect you, but is frustrated at the fact that she can’t be as strong as the Monster trio (but everything works out in the end)

If you borrow money from her, she will reduce the interest (only by a little)

9/10 only downside is the interest (if you ever borrow money)

Usopp

He was high-key suspicious of you

To be fair he is suspicious of anyone and everything, and seeing as you were quiet he was on the edge

But after you saved his life, he gets all buddy-buddy (really Usopp? You got saved by a teenager)

I think the two of you would get to know each other when he’s working on a new invention, and you guys are having idle chatter

Now he tried to act like a cool older brother. Always ready to swoop in and talk about his “accomplishments”

He will do just about anything to make you laugh

I can see some crazy (but fun) times with him, Chopper, and Luffy

He would give bad advice, but occasionally he does have some piece of wisdom

He would try to protect you, but… yeah

He ends up feeling bad, and incompetent. But tell him that he was amazing or something and he’ll be fine

I think he would get frustrated when you beat him at a game of cards

10/10 he is just so fun to be around

Sanji

Also acts like an older brother

He tries to protect you from guys, saying that they’re all dogs (but then you point out that he’s a guy)

This also means he tries to limit your time around Zoro, saying that he’s a bad influence

Then the two start to fight and right as they pull you into it, Nami hits both of them and carries you off to eat or something

Gives you more food because you’re still growing

He is a surprisingly good listener and when he chimes in his advice are always good

And like all of the crew, he will try to protect you from danger (ma’am you are still a teen, why are you on this ship? Oh wait, Luffy…)

I said he acts like your older brother, but he also acts like a proud dad sometimes

Like sir, why are you crying? All they did was perform twinkle twinkle little star on the piano (Brook taught you)

He also tries to restrain his pervert tendencies around you, but when they inevitably happen he can’t look you in the eyes for several days (he also smokes more. It gets to a point where you have to confront him)

He also teaches you how to cook

8/10 he can get a little extra sometimes

Chopper

If things get too crazy on the ship, he likes to go to you

I feel like he would try to act like a big brother, but you would just pet him (sorry Chopper)

I can see Chopper trying to get you to socialize more with the crew. Just drags you out with his tiny Reindeer paws

I can see you confiding in him a lot because it’s kinda like venting to a stuffed animal (again, sorry Chopper)

He gives (almost) child-like advice, but it’s so simple and it always works

I think you would beat both him and Usopp at games, and then they would proceed to chase you around

He would try to protect you, but he also knows that you need to push yourself to get stronger, so he lets you fight some of your fights

When you end up hurt, he always makes sure to be extra vigilant with your care

I believe that you would also try to protect him, but his pride would end up hurt

I think you two would spend a lot of time in his office for a quiet place to read (and for him to do work)

He makes you help him organize stuff

10/10 a great duo

Robin

She is the kind older sister

She is such a good listener, and her advice would solve all of the world's problems

If things get crazy on the ship, you go to her. She has the presence of calm around her that just soothes you

I think she would also like to participate in dressing you up with Nami. That means you get to wear Nami’s old clothes and Robin’s old clothes

Robin always has an extra book and cup of tea reserved for you. Tea times are when you two like to ramble about anything and everything. This is also the place where you can vent and the both of you talk about your past

She would like to teach you about world history, while you listen and ask questions

She would try to teach you how to read one glyph, but if it’s too hard she stops (and low-key gets sad)

Robin also lets you help her garden. She enjoys having a person keep her company while she does the things that make her happy

She thinks that you are too adorable, and that also makes her go into a momma bear mode when she thinks you are in danger

She will yell at crew members, and she will annihilate the enemies

Robin sees you in a similar way to Chopper, so if you say something dirty or cuss, her image of you will be ruined

10/10 she is perfection

Franky

I see him as a weird uncle figure

He mostly hides in his workshop and creates weird but cool inventions while you watch him and ask what he is doing

I don’t see you two talking about important things, just you two having fun and making jokes

He is fun to watch, but when he tries to get you to participate— it’s even more fun

I can see Robin trying to shield you from him (hey, he says he’s a pervert)

He would share his cola with you (I can see some very fun crew bonding time when everyone gets cola and huddles around Franky’s new invention)

Franky is the opposite of shy, so sometimes it gets to be a bit too much

Like sir, please leave them alone for one second

I think that Franky and Usopp would try to teach you how to make things

And if you like to prank people… they’ve created a monster

Expect all three of you to get yelled at

8/10 pretty good, but he does say some stuff that you don’t get sometimes

Brook

Another weird uncle

When he asked to see your panties, both Robin and Nami slapped him so hard, he had flown off

He never asked again

I can see him joining in on the Robin history over tea, and add things in he knows from living during the period (dang he’s old)

He occasionally makes the tea you three drink

I think he would try to teach you how to use a sword, and then get yelled at so he teaches you to play instruments instead

He’s a surprisingly easy-going teacher, if you don’t practice he’s not mad. He just assumes you don't want to learn. That means he won’t teach you, which leads you to practice

He would let you peek inside of his skull and then jumpscare you. It works every time

Brook would tell you about what he did during the two-year time skip, all while you’re laughing at the fact they called him Satan

I think that being around you and Luffy would make him remember his days as a teen

Starts to get all weary like a dad (and just like Sanji)

7/10 rough start, but good ending

Jinbei

He is the dad (not like, is)

He is always concerned for your health, and whether you should be fighting or not

He told Luffy that it was ridiculous to bring a teen on board, but then he realized Luffy is only 19…

Jinbei is always there to make sure you feel included, and will often leave the crew’s festivities just to hang out with you

Honestly, his old man self likes the quiet you bring

If you ask him, he’ll tell you about Fishman history (also over Robin History Tea Times)

100% tries to protect you. I think that can make you frustrated at times, but he has saved you so you can’t be too mad

So he teaches you Fishman Karate (it gets Robin’s stamp of approval because there are no sharp objects)

Jinbei gives the best advice, again dad and old man

He’s able to see different perspectives and tell you the best course of action (that gets annoying when you just want him to take your side, but you have Nami and Robin for that)

Also is proud of you when you achieve something (part of the tears dad group)

10/10 every group needs a parent figure

[mizutori-heiko]

Mizutori’s bakudeku fanfiction master list [complete works]

Really really good writing by these incredible authors. In no particular order! These are all Top!Bakugou and Bottom!Deku. If A/B/O dynamics then it’s Alpha!Bakugou and Omega!Deku. Yes, I have preferences.

Canon World – until 15k

What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? by reading_raindrop | 8,303 | Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would.

Oh right, you were a little sh*t by SaysiWrites | 5,653 | When Midoriya Izuku gets hit by an age-reversion Quirk, the last thing anyone expected to find out is that Toddler-Izuku is a little shit. Except for one Bakugou Katsuki, who has seen this phase one too many times already. (Bonus+ the entire Little Sh*t (Kidfic) series)

Do Not Disturb by surveycorpsjean | 10,010 | Apply enough force, and something is bound to break.

And Atlas fell by supercrunch | 15,185 | They move in together, after a while. Katsuki joins Best Jeanist and Izuku trains under Gran Torino. They still take comfort in each other every day, curl up in bed and kiss and talk about how life is going. Their live are tumultuous, after all, what with villains and training and rescuing people every week. It’s nice to have something certain. At the end of a day filled with violence and adrenaline, Izuku knows he can come home to someone concrete. It’s perfect. Being a hero is scary and grueling and uncertain, but this part is just right. And then, one day, a child dies in Izuku’s arms.

be loved by bonnia | 5,403 | The kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands.

Big Protein by Mysecretfanmoments | 13,683 | Bakugou Katsuki has a thriving hero career, an agent to manage his famous attitude, and absolutely zero romantic interest in anyone. With the exception of his favourite health food joint refusing to expand to his city, his life is pretty damn perfect—so why does a viral video revealing Deku's stash of dirty mags involving him and Deku together turn everything upside-down?

Chocolate cake and resin preserved flowers by Anoksun | 11,396 | Izuku loses his memories. Katsuki struggles not to lose Izuku too.

Twin Stars by theperksofbeinglarissa | 8,435 | When Deku saves a woman's life, her quirk is accidentally activated. Her quirk? She reveals a person's soulmate. A star-shaped mark appears on Midoriya's left arm... and on Bakugou's as well. Kirishima is the only one who knows that Bakugou is Midoriya's soulmate, and Bakugou isn't taking the news very well. Can the twin stars of class 1-A work out their differences and find their happy ending?

Unhealthy Fixations by Thesis | 12,522 | Izuku is an adult who knows better than to crush on his childhood bully. AND YET.

Like the Moon by osakakitty | 14,781 | Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.

Worth a Second Shot by cinnabee | 13,080 | Katsuki and Izuku celebrate registering as a Hero Duo together with a big party. What could go wrong?

Like Something Out of A Shoujo Manga by Merrywetherweather | 2,971 | Deku ends up in a rather interesting quirk accident, one that triggers flag events as if he were the protagonist of an otome game.

Canon World – 15k++

Blood Moon by lalazee | 94,860 | The Thank-Fuck-We-Aren’t-Dead Sex had started then, and had never really stopped. Then came the feelings and the fights. The ego, the pride, the jealousy. And then there was Us.

The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh | 669,463 | During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in this state is no one other than Kacchan.

Just Like Breathing by MD_Daydreamer | 35,423 | Izuku got engaged. He didn't mind. If that made Uraraka happy, he could do it. He thought his life wouldn't change much.But then, Kacchan went to live in the USA.

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15,951 | In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

"what's your type?" by sapphicflower | 20,192 | In order to increase their popularity rankings as up and coming pro heroes, Izuku and Katsuki participate in the most popular late night talk show for hero duos - ‘Heroes Rising!’. They’re killing it, obviously, because they know each other from inside and out. Until one question stumps the two of them: “What is your hero partner’s type?”

and it was Just Right by cinnabee | 23,759 | Katsuki spends two years post-graduation in a furious one-sided competition with his childhood friend and rival's promotional photos - until they finally run into each other, and, well. You shouldn't believe everything you see in magazines. A love story about size differences.

Notice Me, Nerd by useless_donut | 40,000 | Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out. A love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A.

in your dreams, nerd! by sapphicflower | 37,639 | In a strange and unexpected set of circumstances, Izuku and Katsuki find themselves sharing their dreams together whenever they happen to fall asleep at the same time. Being hopelessly in love with each other, they don’t mind it all that much. What better way to spend time with your crush than in a stupidly vivid dream?

Hear Me by my_name_is_Levi | 22,419 | It wasn’t as if nightmares were uncommon for the freshman class of Yuuei. They’d seen plenty of things, heard and felt and witnessed enough travesty in their lives to last them a lifetime. But Midoriya Izuku was screaming, and no one, not even Bakugo Katsuki could ignore it.

Bridges by supercrunch | 18,018 | Bakugou is signed up for a Calvin Klein modeling gig. The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart. So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.

objective truth by mamalade | 15,390 | Izuku gets hit with a truth quirk, as one does. He seems to be handling it well—until Katsuki shows up.

catharsis by dollcewrites | 15,071 | It's been six years since Izuku graduated.It's been six years since he confessed to his childhood friend; his classmate and his inspiration. It's been six years since he deleted Bakugou's number, asked his friends not to mention the name, spent every last effort of his heart turning off the TV and averting his eyes from the newspapers. It's been six, long, long years since he gave up on Katsuki Bakugou ever loving him back.

Here here, my friends and me (You are my familia) by Jeka | 128,832 | Bakugou Katsuki has made a great job of ignoring the fact that he is tragically in love with Deku, someone who could never love him like that and let's face it, he doesn't deserve. Now that he can't ignore it anymore, he has to find a way to keep his childhood friend and move on for his own sake. Or so he had thought, maybe he can have Deku, after all. Izuku has everything he always wanted in life. But suddenly he has to navigate the most important relationship in his life through different eyes.

Canon World – Jealous! 

Hands Off by SaysiWrites | 7,140 | When a new girl at school starts flirting with Bakugou, his friends quickly become invested in the idea of their friend experiencing love - even if he doesn't seem at all interested in her. What they don't see is Midoriya fuming in the background. But how can he get rid of her when they've spent so long keeping their relationship a secret?

Surfaces by surveycorpsjean | 25,225 | Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right. As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.

Green-Eyed Beast by SecretKiwi | 4,721 | Everyone wants a piece of Katsuki Bakugou, but they should beware of the Green-eyed beast always lurking close behind him.

Green with Envy by Sol_Morales707 | 2,611 | Izuku Midoriya is not as innocent and pure as everyone thinks he is. The truth was he was very jealous and willing to do anything for a certain blonde.

Happy Camper by Arysa | 7,074 | Wanting a break from the stress of dealing with the rookie Pro Hero grind, a handful of students from Class A decide to go on a camping trip. Izuku's excited to relax and catch up with everyone, especially Kacchan. But, well, Kacchan's... Kacchan. And dating Kirishima.

How to stop time: kiss by Teddingtons | 31,693 | Deku finally asks Uraraka out. Everyone's supportive except Bakugou who can't even look him in the eye. Deku seeks him out after and is hit with truth.

What I Deserve by s_the_queen | 16,671 | When Izuku starts dating a student in General Studies, everyone is happy for him. She's super sweet and really caring. But something doesn't sit right with Katsuki.

Deku's Already Fucking Taken by asdfjkl129 | 20,704 | 5 times people don't realize that Deku is already in a very happy relationship and try their hand at asking him out, and then in Bakugou's unique and special style, get very firmly corrected, +1 time where no correction is needed.

His by sister_elric | 6,206 | Izuku would like to consider himself a pretty level headed individual. Sure, he had the occasional tunnel vision, especially when it came to training. And hero work. And Kacchan. But, overall, Midoriya felt as though he typically kept his cool. Well, maybe that was a stretch. But, at the very least he could understand his own emotions. So, it surprised even him when an unfamiliar emotion coursed through him as a first year approached his boyfriend, Katsuki.

Down the Red Line by MinervaHope | 7,804 | Izuku has been able to see the red strings of fate since birth. It's no surprise that his is connected to Katsuki.

Canon World – Fake Relationship Goes Wrong

how he should’ve known (and how it turned out) by vannral | 43,918 | In which Katsuki and Izuku pretend to be a couple to avoid journalists, the plan backfires magnificently because of course it does, and the act goes on. Includes feelings, pining, domestic fluff and jealousy.

Vicious by feelslikefire | 105,173 | Midoriya and Bakugou wind up in the very last position either of them thought they'd be in: Hero Partners. It's not fun, but they learn to cope. Their first big assignment together takes them undercover to infiltrate a cult, but the situation turns out far more sinister than they first thought.

What I can never tell you by Mikacrispy | 27,067 | After living in the US for 5 years, Izuku returns to take care of a concussed Bakugou who believes they're engaged. Now, Izuku has to pretend he's in a relationship with the man he's loved for most of his life, knowing that it's just a matter of time until Katsuki gets better and realizes it's all a lie.

Not-Dating by MiraChaDoodles | 14,290 | Katsuki takes Deku on a not-date to save his career, only to find himself wishing it were real.

we'll do the things that lovers do by ethereals | 29,544 | Izuku gets an invitation to Shouto's wedding and Katsuki is PISSED that he asks Kirishima to be his date (also he wasn't even fucking invited

Canon World – Friends With Benefits (?) 

Four Times Bakugou Katsuki Doesn't Intend to Sleep With Midoriya Izuku (And the One Time that He Does) by fallingraine85 | 17,601 | He hadn’t planned for any of this. He isn’t about to go delving into the ball of yarn that is Midoriya Izuku’s heart; he isn’t equipped to try and untangle and make sense of it all. He isn’t about to try to analyze how he’s feeling about all of this, either.... How many times can you repeat the same mistake?

We Wear Chains on the Weekend by surveycorpsjean | 35,086 | Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare."Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways. Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.

Just for Now by Shiro_Kabocha | 48,135 | Katsuki's parents are out of town over a school break and to keep him from getting up to any shenanigans, they ask Izuku to house sit with him. What are two teenaged boys to do when left alone to their own devices? (Bonus+ the entire Just for Love series)

safe in the darkness by yoonskisses | 20,855 | Izuku and Katsuki had been meeting up secretly for months, with absolutely no feelings involved. Or so Katsuki thought at least. The dorm gossip about Ochaco and Izuku's new relationship seemed to set a spanner in the works for their arrangement.

Alternative Universe – No Quirks

Bluebird by EtherealBeing | 53,108 | Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact. However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

Someone Borrowed by mynameis152 | 138,996 | It felt like hours that he stared at Izuku, coming to terms with the fact that a man, his childhood best friend, whom he hadn’t seen since their senior year of high school, was there in front of his very eyes. Then his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched before he uttered through gritted teeth the very name Izuku had longed to hear for years. “Deku.”

Dark Side of the Sun by Synnie | 51,598 | Staying up too late playing video games, Kirishima wasn't expecting to get an urgent call begging for help. Next thing he knew, he was letting his classmate Izuku Midoriya take refuge in his apartment - without consulting his always angry roommate.

Manage Me by Justaperson1718 | 10,756 | Izuku becomes Katsuki’s model agent.

Don't Set Your Drink Down by Crandberrycrush | 88,424 | With sudden clarity Izuku realized he had broken the first rule of going out. Never leave your drink unattended.

Livewire by pretty_rekless | 18,160 | Per Ochako's request, Izuku downloads a gay dating app in hopes to finally find a partner. Except every single one of his leads keep ghosting him or standing him up... That is until one hot, fiery blond enters the chat. Grindr/Tinder AU fic.

Drinking Watermelon by warschach | 8,906 | Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.

Precious Pet by Mikacrispy | 6,379 | When broke college student Midoriya Izuku found a job that offered lodging, food, and good pay for four hours of work each day, he thought it was too good to be true. But he called anyway. Turns out all he has to do is to be the spoiled little puppy of a rich businessman.

Our Eleven Summers by Dark_Mage_Ayumu | 34,472 | The first time Katsuki met Izuku was when he was eight. For the next eleven years, Izuku changed his life, and no one even knew. Their relationship was something they shared in secret.

sticky note crushes by ladyofsnails | 3,239 | Katsuki hates his roommate. The green-haired, freckled, artsy son of a bitch with his dumb pun t-shirts and paint-stained hands he can’t fucking keep to himself. Katsuki can’t leave a single assignment or paper out in his room because that idiot will just grab anything to draw on it. He’s like a shark that can’t stop swimming else it’ll die – he can’t stop drawing. Ever.

Don't Play Pretend by SweetSide | 10,103 | Actor AU: Deku and Bakugou get the leading roles for an upcoming TV Drama. They weren’t aware that they would be working with each other for who knows how long. It would’ve been completely fine if they weren’t exes.

97.6 FM by jamjars | 32,249 | Izuku can’t stop listening to the radio host with the deep voice who sounds like he’s stuck in 2010. It’s a harmless crush. That is until he starts calling into the show under the pseudonym Deku.

Read {between} Your Lines by greatcloudninja | 52,252 | Midoriya Izuku, up-and-coming actor, has finally hit his big break (...), Bakugou Katsuki, who has been acting for over twenty years.However, Bakugou seems to have it out for Izuku, leading to tension both on and off set. When some incriminating photos surface, the studio suggests (...): having Bakugou and Midoriya fake a relationship to get ahead of the rumors. 

I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts by PassingShadow | 5,522 | Izuku is a professional cuddler and Katsuki is his new client that’s just a little rough around the edges, and needs a natural healing touch.

Alternative Universe – Quirkless Deku

A Good Old-Fashioned Tattoo AU by lalazee | 14,437 | After their paths had split, Bakugou & Deku meet again as adults. While Bakugou begins to repent for the kid he used to be, he also starts to prove himself as he the man he is now.

Call Me a Safe Bet (I'm Betting I'm Not) by WTTTD | 10,803 | He wished he had some sort of heads up before seeing Deku again for the first time after nearly two years, looking like the essence of a lazy Sunday, smiling and surrounded with brand new, adoring friends. It was a little fitting that Katsuki burned for him so badly. (Support Department Deku)

In Which Kacchan Has a Ruff Time by OneshotPrincess | 14,511 | Bakugou Katsuki gets quirked into a dog, gets adopted by an unknowing Izuku and generally has a very rough few days full of realizations

While You Were Sleeping by Belkacaramelka (annabelleg) | 71,197 | The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Let Me Assist You Personally by Seeress | 32,806 | Izuku is long-suffering Personal Assistant to #1 Pro Hero Dynamight.Dynamight can't keep a PA to save his career. They all quit crying after a few days weeks. Enter, Izuku—with enough money problems to brave the jaws of the cranky beast. Childhood friend turned glorified paid slave. Somehow it all works out. ‘Kill them with kindness’, his mom had told him once. If that were true, Bakugou Katsuki would be stone-cold dead by now.

Smile For The Camera by kurokonekokilled | 19,179 | Midnight has a cam site, home to millions of users, but one catches Katsuki's eye when he goes scrolled through it in search for something to help him release a little stress. A live stream and the best orgasm of his life later, his wallet is lighter, and he might be almost as obsessed with this Deku guy as the cam boy is with him.

Just Like The Comics by brichibi | 24,935 | Where Izuku works at a comic book shop because that’s as close to a hero as he’s gonna get, and Katsuki plays the part of heroic ex-boyfriend who is good at everything except winning Izuku back... maybe

Alternative Universe – Quirks

Get on my Level by Mikacrispy | 92,273 | Bakugou Katsuki is a Pro Hero whose boss demands him to take an intern. Midoriya Izuku is a UA student who needs an internship. When the two of them are put together, they learn about what it truly means to be a Hero and what it means to be in love.

A/B/O – Secret! Baby

Home by Emerald2402 | 87,214 | Midoriya Izuku left Japan in a rush, moving to America without a word to anyone else. But then almost 11 years later he arrives back Home and Bakugou Katsuki's Alpha is furious. Fuck that, Bakugou is furious, because Midoriya Izuku, an omega he tasted one time, has been keeping a very big, very blonde haired, green eyed secret.

Those Under the Same Stars by PerpetuallyPerturbed | 325,553 | When Katsuki Bakugo left Izuku Midoriya five years ago, he thought it was for forever. He put aside dreams and wishes of the omega to focus on his career. He was going to be the best hero, after all. He couldn't have an omega getting in his way. So when he's stopped on the streets one day by a pup begging for help for his mom, he isn't prepared to face what he gave up, and what the consequences of his actions were. (Quirkless Deku)

A/B/O – Quirks

Mark Me. Make Me Yours. by decadentbynature | 10,062 | Midoriya is the only Omega at UA and he's been hiding it well but there's one issue that threatens to expose him: his attraction to an Alpha, Bakugo. After being told to give some paperwork to Bakugo, Midoriya lets him into his dorm room and is immediately overwhelmed by his scent. Unable to help himself, he gives in to his urges, only to be discovered by Bakugo but instead of becoming enraged, Bakugo decides to give Midoriya exactly what he wants

Claim Me by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 114,449 | Being an Alpha has nothing to do with Katsuki's success as a Pro-Hero, the same way Deku's Omega status hasn't kept him from becoming Number Two. Secondary gender doesn't mean anything nowadays and “mating” is an antiquated practice. So when Izuku, his rival, asks Katsuki to Claim him in the middle of the night, there is only one logical thing to say. “What the fuck?”

Change of Plans by Mikacrispy | 185,965 | Alpha Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki never planned to get married to some random omega but what he wants isn't an option anymore. One for All wielder Midoriya Izuku has suffered injustice too many times and doesn't plan in allowing his secondary gender to dictate how he must live his life. Falling in love was never in the plans.

Going Feral For You by ANGIE_fic | 17,977 | Bakugou has an aggression problem that might have to do with his Alpha. His job is on the line because of it. So what do you do with a pent up Alpha? Yes.Rut. (Quirkless Izuku)

i live for you, i long for you by jeonjeonggukkkkkie | 19,165 | The five times Izuku hinted he wants Katsuki to spend his next heat with him, and the one time Katsuki took the hint.

Baby's First Bloom by ContraryBee | 44,945 | Izuku blooms for Katsuki one warm day in their third year of middle school. What follows is both boys learning about themselves, their bond, and the society they live in.

As Fate Would Have It by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 88,737 | Katsuki Bakugo had plenty of reasons why he wasn't mated yet, not that he was going to explain why to just anyone. But now, Ground Zero was running out of time. If he didn't find someone soon, he'd lose his position as a Pro-Hero and he'd never get to be #1. So, when he finds out there's a male Omega recently arrested for prostitution that's headed to prison if he too doesn't get a mate…well it must be fate. (Quirkless Izuku)

A/B/O – No Quirks

Gravity by warschach | 71,477 | Izuku is back in his hometown and plenty hasn't changed much from the 8 years he was gone. Except, Katsuki Bakugou, the alpha king of their small town. He's hotter- because that's fair, right, God? -, stronger, a now-famous pro fighter, and noticeably nicer this round.Not that he cares, pfft. (Fine, he cares.)

Nine Months by greatcloudninja | 23,303 | Omega Midoriya Izuku connects with Alpha Bakugou Katsuki through an online singles ad. Izuku pays Katsuki to help him with his heat, ending up pregnant in the process. What follows is a pregnancy filled with ups and downs, but whatever hurdles come their way, they can make it through together.

The long dark by Ominous-Anonymous (Ominonymous) | 13,289 | He could have been really dangerous. He could be a fucking murderer for all he knew. But Izuku Midoriya, ever the reckless daredevil, was not thinking of that when he got into a car with a complete stranger. Completely ignoring the part where his mother always taught him to never gets into cars with alphas he didn't know...