#they’re so got dam cute

[nanstar200]

Haiiii ^_^

[jjkamochoso]

Matchmaking Mina

Fluff

Soshiro Hoshina x gn!reader

Your kind-hearted captain has taken it upon herself to stoke the flames of love between you and Soshiro!

Warnings: none

Captain Mina Ashiro may act aloof, but she wasn’t blind. Anyone in the Third Division could see that you and Soshiro were the perfect match for each other. If neither of you were going to make the first move, it was only right that she, as your trusted leader, guided you in the right direction. Only, of course, after assessing the situation to make sure you two really did like one another.

*Click*

Her phone captured a snapshot of you at lunch one day, laughing at something Kafka had said. Your head was thrown back and your eyes were creased with joy—you looked positively radiant. Mina made her way to Soshiro’s office, eager to begin her investigation.

“Captain,” Soshiro saluted, “to what do i owe the pleasure?”

“Just stopping by. Checking on the status of your report from last week.”

“It’s almost done. I’ve been hard at work,” Soshiro grinned, sticking his pointer fingers out.

He’s in a pleasant mood. Let’s see if that changes.

“Good. I also came to show you a new picture of Bakko from the other day.”

It was a plausible excuse; Soshiro was a fan of cats as well and Mina was known for subjecting her friends and subordinates to monologues about how cute Bakko was. The vice captain was now standing by her side, peering over her shoulder at the phone in her hand.

“Here it is—oops! Wrong picture.”

Your picture was the one currently being displayed and from her peripheral vision, she saw Soshiro gulp ever so slightly, his eyes opened a bit wider. She was in no hurry, taking her time to slide her finger over the screen to the “correct” photo.

“Sorry about that. It was a cute photo, though, wasn’t it? Didn’t y/n look nice?”

“Huh? Yeah. I mean, sure,” he mumbled, the tips of his ears a rosy hue.

Now for the real test.

“I’d never seen her laugh so hard, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re around Kafka, right?”

There was an immediate shift of mood in the room, tension filling the open space like a dam had burst. Soshiro had gone from blushing to bloodthirsty in a millisecond and Mina was thankful she’d been blessed with a poker face or else she’d be bursting in laughter at his very apparent jealousy.

“If you’ll excuse me, Captain, I should finish this report.”

Soshiro saluted her again before sitting at his desk and Mina took her leave.

Well, that was informative.

Now she knew that Soshiro definitely harbored a crush for you and a hatred for Hibino. As she walked down the empty hallway, she let a small smile grace her lips.

She loved love.

Mina did the exact same experiment to you a few days later. As a fellow cat enthusiast, you were very excited at the prospect of seeing new Bakko content, quickly taking a seat next to your captain. This time around, she had managed to take an extremely flattering picture of Soshiro during training. He was standing outside, slightly flushed from the previous physical exertion, with one hand on his hip and the other pushing his hair out of his face.

Maybe if I ever retire I’ll become a photographer.

“…and there’s Bakko-oops. Not this.”

Your mouth was partially agape and she spied how you couldn’t tear your gaze away from the man on the screen. His tight fitting shirt hugged every curve of every muscle. His physique and pose were reminiscent of a model you’d see on a billboard in downtown Tokyo or on a runway in Paris.

“T-that’s a great picture you got of Vice Captain,” you breathed out in awe. “He looks so… hot.”

“If you’re into that sort of look, sure,” she answered.

“I definitely am,” you said dreamily, clearing your throat with embarrassment when you realized you said that out loud. “I mean, yeah. If someone was… hypothetically, like… into that sort of… thing.”

Mission 100% accomplished; they’re very much into each other.

Next up was the hard part of figuring out how to get confessions from the two of you without meddling too much. That’s why she was hoping today’s training, with you being partnered with Kafka, would be enough to stir up those same feelings and visceral reactions you both had while looking at the photos of each other not that long ago. So far, it was working splendidly. Kafka would say or do something ridiculous, causing you to howl with laughter and Soshiro to shoot Kafka a burning glare that could rival the intensity of a wildfire. Meanwhile, Soshiro would take his frustration out on the sparring training dummies, in turn leaving you dumbstruck at the way he moved so majestically and remained the most handsome man on earth, even in a state of sweaty exhaustion. When training was finally over, Mina couldn’t slow the buildup of anticipation deep inside her, eager to see the lovebirds admit their feelings, or at the very least, converse with each other. Neither of those things happened; you and Soshiro didn’t even exchange eye contact before going your separate ways.

Mina frowned. Didn’t she plant the seeds of attraction, water the foundations of a relationship, nurture the-

Looking back, I guess I didn’t do all that much.

“L/n.”

You turned around immediately at the sound of your captain’s voice, saluting as the dark haired woman approached you. You had just finished showering after a grueling day of exercise and were on your way to your room to get some much needed rest

“Come with me, please.”

“Right now?” you asked incredulously, eyes raking over the cat pajamas you were sporting. “Should I change into my uniform really quick?”

“No need,” she replied, “it’ll only be a moment:”

“Alright then.”

You were thoroughly confused but who were you to question your captain? You followed behind her dutifully, like a child following their mother to the kitchen for a glass of warm milk after a nightmare. Your eyebrows knit in confusion as she brought you into Soshiro’s office. He, too, had just showered, but he had changed into a fresh tracksuit, presumably because he never stopped working.

“Captain! What can I do for… you?” Soshiro faltered when he saw you peek out from behind Mina.

“I’m horribly underdressed for whatever’s happening. I sincerely apologize,” you said, bowing your head as to not meet his eyes. You weren’t that far below Soshiro’s rank, being a Platoon Leader, but you didn’t want your superior seeing you in such a state of disarray with your wet hair and casual attire in the office. Soshiro, on the other hand, didn’t seem to mind at all.

“Y/n! I didn’t see you back there at first. I like your pajamas, cats are always a good choice.” His fanged smile brought you a sense of comfort,

“Thank you.”

You two would’ve gotten lost in each other’s eyes if it weren’t for Mina reminding you she was still there.

“Let me explain what’s going on. Y/n, Soshiro likes you. Soshiro, y/n likes you.”

It was so silent you could hear a pin drop from across the base. You and Soshiro broke eye contact at breakneck speed, becoming self conscious and wary.

Mina was confused. Weird. Aren’t they supposed to kiss or something, like how it happens in books?

“I’ll leave you to it. Good night.”

Mina practically ran out of Soshiro’s office, getting hit with a whole slew of mixed emotions as she made her way to her own office. Was she wrong for getting involved in her subordinates’ love lives? Did she somehow misread the signals you both were giving off? Was her conclusion incorrect, leading her to be labeled a fool, unfit for a leadership position? She fretted all night thinking about the lack of response you and Soshiro had about the great news. The next morning, as she got ready, she thought of all the ways she could explain her behavior and hoped this situation wouldn’t lead to her getting fired (worst case scenario) or you and Soshiro feeling awkward around each other (bad case scenario). You two worked extremely well together, neutralizing kaiju with just glances and nods, no words needed, and she’d never forgive herself for ruining such a good team.

Mina fiddled with her jacket one last time before lifting her chin up and making the trek to her office to start the day. To her surprise, the door was ajar, you and Soshiro apparently waiting for her arrival.

Goodbye Third Division, hello HR…

“Captain,” you began, “Soshiro and I really appreciate what you were trying to do for us, but-”

“I overstepped my boundary,” she cut in. “I’m ashamed that I let my self control slip and I put my subordinates, the people in my care, in an uncomfortable position. I don’t know if I can ever regain your trust again, but I swear that I-”

“Captain.”

This time it was Soshiro who spoke out of turn. “My deepest apologies for interrupting you, but you don’t need to be sorry. Your intuition was correct—y/n and I do like each other.”

Mins could’ve cried tears of happiness hearing that, especially knowing that her job wasn’t at stake anymore, but her joy was turned to confusion when she noticed you and Soshiro share a glance, making a wordless agreement, and then both reaching into your shirts…?

She watched with curious eyes as a chain entered your grasp, previously hidden from view under your shirt, a small ring hanging down from it. Soshiro did the same, a matching ring gleaming under the fluorescent lights. It was then that the inquisitive, intelligent, intuitive captain made the connection—

“Soshiro and I are married,” you said, sheepishly glancing over at your husband. Now it was Mina’s turn to be deadly silent. However, you could tell she wasn’t upset, she was busy comprehending everything that was revealed to her.

“We didn’t tell anyone,” explained Soshiro, “because we didn’t want it to become an issue at work. In retrospect, we could’ve hidden it a bit better.”

He scoffed and folded his arms across his chest. “Though Kafka doesn’t ever seem to get the hint.”

“But we know we can trust you with our lives and we should’ve at least told you. I’m sorry for lying to you, Captain Ashiro,” you said, your head hanging low.

That’s when you heard the strangest sound.

Captain Mina Ashiro… was laughing?

“This was an interesting turn of events,” she eventually said, catching her breath. “It turns out I was correct, but not in the way I thought.”

She strutted over to her desk, sitting down and starting the computer. “If that’s all you had to report, then you’re dismissed. It’s time to go to work.”

She looked up one last time, quirking an eyebrow. “Or are you on your honeymoon?”

[moonstruckme]

Hiiiii!!!! So, if you wanna write something, can you do poly marauders find out reader sleeps with like an almost concerning amount of plushies??? I literally sleep on a few plushies so I think it would be cute lol

Hi sweetheart, thanks for requesting!

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

You’ve been pouting all evening, ever since the boys had decided to watch a new comedy film over one of your chickflicks. You’re ganging up on me, you’d complained, and James felt a twinge of guilt but Sirius had only laughed. You’re damn right we are, sweetheart, because we watched that one just last week! You’d gone silent after that, but you’ve seemed vaguely sulky ever since, even when James brought you popcorn and tried to snuggle up with you under the blanket. 

“I’m gonna go to bed,” you say abruptly, standing and gathering your blanket about you. 

“Already?” James asks. “The movie’s only got like, twenty more minutes in it.” 

“That’s okay,” you yawn, stooping to give him a hug and kiss. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight, dovey,” Remus says as you kiss him too, then Sirius. “Sleep well.” 

James watches you go, unease growing like a fungus in his chest as you go into your room instead of one of theirs, the door shutting definitively behind you. 

“Prongs, hey.” He turns to find Remus looking at him, his brows scrunching just softly upwards. “Don’t worry about it, love, she’s alright.” 

“I know it’s silly,” he says, casting another glance down the hall, “but she just seemed so put out. And then she went to her own room.” 

“She doesn’t always want to sleep in ours.” Sirius shrugs. “Disappointing, but it doesn’t necessarily mean anything.” 

It’s true; you only sleep in one of your boyfriends’ rooms maybe half of the time, but this has always been a point of confusion for James. He and the other boys shuffle between rooms every night, and when you join them you seem to enjoy it as much as the rest of them do. Plus, it’s no secret that you love cuddles above all else, so why deprive yourself of them on such a regular basis?

James stands. “I’m gonna go check on her.”

“Suit yourself,” Sirius says, and Remus only nods, attention going back to the film. 

James sees blue light coming from underneath your door as he approaches, confirming his suspicion that you weren’t really tired enough to sleep when you’d left. He knocks softly. “Sweetheart? Can I come in?”

You don’t reply, and he hesitates briefly before cracking the door. For a moment, he wonders if you’re in here at all. He certainly can’t find you. The entire room is awash in blue light, your laptop screen on full brightness as the intro to the movie you’d wanted to watch earlier plays silently. Where you should be on your bed is instead half a million stuffed animals. Piles of them, from your headboard to the end of the bed, with little faces lit by the screen like they’re watching the movie, too. 

James draws closer, noticing your headphones plugged into the laptop, and follows the chord until he finds you, nestled so deeply in plushies that only your face is visible. He takes a second to relish the sight before waving a hand in front of the screen to get your attention. You startle, the movement sending a plushie tumbling off the bed and onto the floor. You lunge for it, disrupting even more of the toys, and James has to dam the avalanche with both hands, passing you the fallen stuffed animal—A penguin, he thinks to himself. How cute—while you take off your headphones. 

“Fuck, you scared me,” you say breathlessly, and James guffaws, hysterical laugher bubbling out of his chest. “What?”

“Just,” he marvels, shaking his head, “it’s surprising to hear that kind of language coming from someone absolutely buried in cuteness right now.” 

You sink further into the pile, and if the lighting weren’t so blue at the moment, he suspects your face would appear redder. 

“Jamie,” you say, quietly, hurriedly. “Jamie, don’t tell. Please?”

He’s just starting to wonder whether he’s even capable of keeping a secret as good as this when two pairs of footsteps start down the hallway. 

“What’s going on?” Sirius’ voice calls, a second before Remus flicks on the light and both boys go silent. James giggles, bringing his hand to his mouth in an attempt to smother the sound. Your face is indeed as flushed as he’d imagined, and you burrow further into your squishy fortress as if you could disappear into it entirely. 

“Baby,” Sirius says, sounding positively delighted, “where have you been hiding all of this?”

“I haven’t been hiding them.” Your voice is muffled by stuffing. “They just stay in my closet during the day. So my room doesn’t look cluttered.” 

“But why?” Sirius makes his way over to you, picking up a fox by your head. “This little guy is so charming. You’d deprive us of him?”

Despite Sirius’ honey-coated tone, you know what he’s about, and your eyes narrow defensively. 

“Dove,” Remus says slowly, fighting to keep his expression under control as his eyes glitter with amusement. “This is the most adorable thing I think I’ve ever seen.” 

You don’t look inclined to make a response, so James speaks again. 

“Is this why you don’t always want to sleep with us?” he asks, doing his best to gentle the teasing in his voice. “Because these guys are welcome in my room anytime if it means I get to be with you too.” 

You make your eyes big and sad in that way James swears you have to practice in the mirror. “Really? You don’t think it’s embarrassing?” 

James is finally free to unleash the full capacity of his smile. “Of course not, angel.”

“Well, maybe, like, a dozen of them,” Sirius says. “With more than one person, I think they’d all end up falling off the bed.” 

You look horrified. “I feel so guilty when that happens.” 

Remus makes a sound that’s half laugh, half coo. “Darling, you’re going to kill me with all this.” He gives you a look so syrupy sweet James feels his heart go all soft and mushy. “Please come finish the movie with us so I can give you a proper cuddle?”

“And bring some of your friends,” Sirius adds as you start to extricate yourself from the jumble on your bed. “Fuck, I’m never gonna get over this.”

[mcyt-trios]

The winner of this poll will go on to face Architechs (Grian, MumboJumbo, Iskall85)

PROPAGANDA:

Campfire Crew:

CAMPFIRE CREW THE ABSOLUTE GUYS OF ALL TIME. CAMPFIRE CREW THE PINNACLE OF ACCIDENTAL FORESHADOWING THE TOP TIER OF "IT'S NOT THAT DEEP BUT IT COULD BE" WATCH AS LOYALTY EATS THEM FROM THE INSIDE OUT IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO END THIS WAY YOU SAY FINAL THREE AND YOU COME OUT WITH THE FINAL THREE. there is literally SO MUCH i could say about campfire crew and absolutely none of it would be enough. death games are prime material for interactions of all time and the campfire crew is absolutely knocking it out of the park. they lose their first lives planning around each other. they live in the same house (they live in different houses). they're scheming against each other. they're working with each other. they're two people who have FOUR KILLS EACH and one hapless innocent man. they're three people who swore a pact over a campfire and despite everything ended up holding to that pact. every time they play rock paper scissors, someone dies. the innocent, in death, turns them against each other, despite this not being how the game works. they reveal their roles to each other and it has this entire sense of inevitability -- of everyone having ALREADY KNOWN what was going to happen. it doesn't matter that two of them are going to kill everyone else on the server. you get that "innocent's" loyalty and you have him for life. paranoia is nothing next to a need for blood and connection. i have a normal amount of emotions over "i swear my loyalty / i offer my fealty / uhhhhhhhh same." do not @ me

Ghaae:

They’re in love your honor. They’re three gay men in love. Two himbos and a scientist. They were roommates then they were lovers.

dam it, I don't have the words for them. they are just little guys with big hearts and lots of love to give and all of them are just a bit traumatized and bit to used to the concept of death and they all need hugs and get them surprisingly often despite everything happening around them, and I love them and would kill for them <3

Gay people. Honestly that's it. They all need hugs respectively (as does everyone in this smp) Rae is the child of the Goddess of the mind, and is also the vessel of said Goddess (and is 1 of 2 things keeping their end dimension together). Aax is a olm who was. Made a in a lab. And kills undead things whether they want to or not (he was made to), named himself after an axe. Caspain is just a guy. The most guy on this smp. They got a cute little house and a even more adorable dog named atlas, and back in season 2 their axolotal area was named the armory because most of the axolotals were named after weapons. (Season 3 its just a pond), they're very gay all the time and deserve the whole world.

[cabinseventheaterchick]

BLOG NEWS: Check back later!

I now run a Riordanverse roleplay Tumblr Community! Everyone is welcome!

Kat if she had a Wikipedia page (her lore summarized)

Portrait done by the incredibly talented @apollos-coolest-child

Oh, hi! Didn’t see you see there. I’m Kat Carter!

Okay, lemme think… I’m fifteen, daughter of Apollo currently at Camp Half-Blood with my homies <3

When I’m not at camp, NYC is my home base. You can probably find me in Apollo cabin: practicing monologues/songs, playing matchmaker (it’s not just for Aphrodite kids!), or staging a kitchen coup d’état so I can bake something delicious.

he gets his own category:

@ellis--wakefield — my boyfriend <333

he’s really cute and he’s great at capture the flag and he’s nice to the newbies and damn he’s just idk how to even describe him ‘cause words cannot

Former… um… let’s just say people I used to know:

@lukemessedup — Good boss, bad business

@lieutenant-of-kronos — I regret letting him convince me to join up but he’s a nice guy.

@alabaster-c-t — Yep. You read that right. Bro is apparently not dead, nor has ever been.

@the-song-of-the-moon — We’re starting an ex-Titan Army therapy group together :3

Uncle Kronos (links to the Wayback Machine of the first version) — Literally cannot believe I wrote this. Uncle Kronos was a good person. I think I’ll always miss him, but I’m glad he found peace. Here’s to you, Uncle K.

@existence-is-pain-ahhhhhhhh — need I say more? He’s awesome. Case closed.

@the-better-castellan — new addition to the List Of People Who Aren’t Dead After All! They’re cool trust me

@peyton-is-cool — I missed him loads. Thank the gods he’s safe—he’s been in Texas? I guess?

Totally irresponsible pseudo-father to half of CHB (he does actually care about campers but he’s got a reputation to uphold):

@dionysus-god-of-all-things-wine

My fellow campers, love y’all:

@thanatoss-favorite-demigod — best murder road trip buddy a gal could ask for

@thehadescabincounsler — I’ve adopted them into Apollo cabin. They’re now officially an honorary child of the Sun Dude.

@thatonebitheaterkid — my sibling. too many pets (affectionate)

@that-dam-daughter-of-poseidon — my absolute bestie <3

@poseidons-favourite-daughter — training together ⚔️! She’s so sweet and a year rounder so I won’t be alone come fall

@yes-im-a-daughter-of-hades — she just got back from Tartarus, so you know what that means!… binge watching everything pop culture. Phineas and Ferb say what?

@lady-ariadne-of-milan — my coolest big sister. Be nice, she’s been trapped as a flower since, like, the Renaissance.

@bill-son-of-boreas — Ayyy! My Norwegian bestie!

@internal-bloodshed — I’m like ninety percent sure he wants me dead. If I step a toe out of line and hurt Ellis, my body will apparently never be found.

@the-better-stoll-brother — If anyone messes with him one more time I’m throwing hands.

Shoot me an ask, camp can get kinda boring!

(Psst. My general tag is #kat carter on the case, and my lore tag is #from the archives of kat carter)

(Extra psst. Do you want more Kat Carter content without actually having to roleplay? Send me an ask by picking something from my tag #ask game!)

[femoso-seben]

Baba Yaga Task force 141 X John Wick! reader

Tw: animal abuse, references to pregnancy, mention of miscarriages, blood, gore, violence, death

Gender neutral uses Mx for Mr/ Mrs it’s gender neutral.

Married life— you never saw that for yourself. You also never saw yourself fall for a military man. It almost feels like a sick joke. An unsanctioned killer meeting a legal one is a sick joke.

You met him on a work trip, honestly how you two got each other’s phone number was quite the funny ordeal. You met in line to be seated, turns out he was your seatmate. You gave him no mind, occasionally you two would give each other nods.

You notice him at the same hospital you. You were on a mission, and he had a bullet wound. Your eyes lock and life continues. With one of your work friends, you have noticed him in a group across the restaurant from you. You locked eyes, a strange thought passed between us, why are you here?

The last straw was sitting at your window seat only to hear a low “bloody hell.” You look up to find him again. You couldn’t help but laugh. This is ridiculous.

“I see you again stranger,” you smile. He scratched his head mumbling some more and sitting down.

“What’s your name?” You ask as he sits down next to you.

“Simon, you?”

“[Name], nice to meet you.”

You two had to exchange numbers, it was too coincidental. You only talk for a few minutes before going back to your own devices. You kept getting more job requests. With a sigh you picked on in England, you were heading there so might as well do a job there.

You two didn’t talk for a few months, you honestly forgot he existed. He texted you out of the blue, it was small and simple. It was a short conversation. Never too long never too deep. Occasionally when you were in England and so was he you meet up for coffee or tea.

It was casual— situational. You saw nothing long-term with him, not even a romantic relationship maybe just acquaintances. Two years— every six or more months you two would have a small conversation. Two years of on and off, before it got really serious. Before he got serious.

It was like a dam had broken loose. You answer your texts, more often. You two ended up calling too. It was fast a tumble and the relationship roared to life. It was all in a span of three months.

He moved in with you— into your expensive New York home. He brought his dog with him, Riley, a cute German shepherd. A well-trained one. Living with Simon, you learn one thing for sure— he’s a man of routine. He established on quickly.

We kept our jobs private and our relationship on the download. It took him a few months to mention his work— it was in passing that you learned he’s a special operator in the military. You are a traveling art appraiser.

You two both agreed, that work is something we don’t talk about. It was another three years of quiet dating both heavily busy. He was gone for months sometimes better half of a year, which was perfectly fine for you, you’re busy too. Very busy. It was five years into your relationship did he brought up marriage. He’s… joining a dangerous task force and wants to seal the deal.

You said yes— but before you could plan the wedding, you had to leave the game. Leave the underworld. The continental and the high table won’t let you go so easily. You’ll have to pay a debt. Before the two weeks were up you must complete an impossible task— kill the three most prominent underworld leaders. With one blood oath later, you were free.

Free from being the Baba Yaga.

Free from being Wick.

Free to marry.

Free to be a doting partner for Simon.

By the time you come back, you already started doing venue shopping for the wedding. You both agree to a private wedding with just your friends, he had none who are civilians, and he chose to keep his career away from you.

The wedding was sweet. Private with less than fifty people attended. The wedding ring barrier is Riley obedient and sweet carrying the pillow with the rings. You chose the rings, they’re thin and plain something that denotes marriage but also could be simply overlooked as accessories. The world didn’t need to know you two were married just you two.

You became a Riley. You didn’t want your old name— not the name of a killer. Neither did he, but you made it clear, you were happy to have his last name. And he was happy to live in your house. He had a slight chip on his shoulder— he wanted to provide for everything.

You came to a compromise. He pays for most of the housing utilities and you pay for the house tax. His money is the family’s money and yours was yours— and the children’s. You didn’t argue on that— you both know he could quit his job and you two could live rather comfortably on your money. But you could clearly tell providing made him very happy.

It’s what made him feel worthy… worthy of you.

Three years of marriage and most of the time he was away, always on the clock even on break. Only a few people in his line of work knew you existed, a CIA agent and his captain. No one else. And that was fine with you.

Retirement life is great. You spent most of your time figuring out what you wanted to do with your millions. Three years in and the two of you were considering starting a family. A few children would be too bad, You’re retired and Simon has mentioned retiring from the military, no time soon but in time for raising kids. You never consider raising kids. Hell, you never consider marriage or leaving the underworld life.

“My love,” you turn to see Simon setting his military bag down and rushing to you for a hug. “How have you been?” He murmurs.

“Not much Sí just wondering where I put the nursery.” You hum. From the backyard, you hear Riley storming into the living room and jumping onto Simon.

Life was blissful slow and trouble-free.

Until you decided to walk the street with Riley. Coming back from your surrogate who’s 3 months pregnant, lovely woman. Simon would bring his military friends over— forced by his team. You’re are very surprised, how strange this is but you don’t mind the new guess.

As you walk down the street at night Riley on highly guarded. You weren’t scared and had your gun in hand. Simon insisted you get gun training. Something to do with his pass. He only said he lost everyone he cared dearly and he did not want to lose you too. You didn’t have the heart to tell him you already knew how to shoot a gun.

You kept your mouth shut, he took some pride in protecting you— thinking he was protecting you. Why would you take that away from him? His sense of peace and duty? You didn’t mind playing into his fantasy. It’s rather cute seeing him be all protective, you never had that in your life until now. It was everything you wanted— to be wanted. You even got your concealed license to lessen his stress. Playing the perfect spouse was very… peaceful— heavenly really.

Riley’s sharp bark regains your attention. You look up to see a group of men running into the alleyway. You step into the shadows and hope to avoid them. They were speaking in Russian.

“What the hell man! You killed a Pregnant woman!” You froze and looked at them silently.

“She got in the way,” one brash boy sneers.

They continue to argue about killing the woman— they were only meant to rob her. Riley stayed silent but he was ready, ready to fight. You hear them stumbling closer, you make a loud noise and walk from the darkness.

This has nothing to do with you— your eyes caught something. That purse— just like your surrogate. You look at all of them up and down, at the stolen items in their hands. You recognize them all.

Your heart breaks.

That lovely woman— Anne. They killed Anne and your baby.

“What you looking at?” One points their gun at you. Riley begins to bark at them sneering and snarling his teeth at them.

“You killed Anne,” you mutter silently. You picked the surrogate— a friend of a friend. She was so happy to help you two. A thanks for helping her get het out of an abusive relationship. She had her life ahead of her.

With one swing at you, Riley jumps up and latch onto the arm. Another shot Riley in the stomach. You swing hard, mind going blank as your training kicks in, systematically each of them out. Breaking their hands, arms, and neck. You didn’t feel like letting them live.

Once you were done you pulled out your phone and called for a reservation for dinner. You left the coins on the body and ran home to get your car and take Riley to the vet.

Simon is not going to be happy, about this. About his dog, about our surrogate, about the baby. That is not the news he needed. But you called, he deserves to know.

“What’s wrong love?” He answer his tone tired and muddled. Evidently, you woke him up.

“I have bad news,” you begin.

He couldn’t come back early, he was deployed in a foreign country. The news was bad and you know Simon would be worried until he gets back. More for you— he’s worried about your feelings. Sweet man.

He liked Anne. She was bubbly and kind. Happy to be a surrogate and a babysitter if needed. A friend’s friend. He wasn’t so sure about her but you could tell she had grown on him. She was a surrogate a few times.

The funeral was shocking. The culprits never caught— of course, they wouldn’t, you handle it. You called your contacts and told them to leave the bodies out for the police to find— victims of a gang shootout. You have Anne’s remaining family and a small sense of peace.

A week passes and you continue to look for another Surrogate. Adoption came to mind, you were adopted. Not by the best people— they used you like a child soldier… so be it. Your child will be happy, you promise them that.

Would Simon consider adoption?

Does he even want children after this… mess?

You checked in on Riley his wounds were recovering nicely. You rest in your bed sleeping soundly. Your husband be back in two days.

The loud sharp squeal of Riley awoken you to a house of eerie cold silence. You scramble to your feet and go looking for Riley, maybe he opened up his wound. You appear at the top of the stairs to see— that bastard.

“Arseni.” You called out coldly in Russian, as you slowly descended down the steps. Once a brother in arms, a friend, now he’s in your house beating your dog.

“Mx. Wick,” his thick Russian accent twists into a cold sneer as he inches closer to you. “You killed my son!” He screams in Russian. You cock your head to the side, as one of his men kicks Riley to the side. He let out a loud whimper and crashed into the ground. Unmoving and still.

Your cheeks feel like a molten and a burning hell fire seers into your cheek. You clench your hands until your knuckles turn white. Your nose flares, lips pull back into a sneer. You stared at Arseni, ready to punch him.

A sharp pain seers into your abdomen as one of his followers shoots you, three rush forward with metal bats and begin to beat you. You let out a low groan as the metal left large bruises on your right side. Your head rings out in agony as one hit you in the head. Your vision blurs violently as it slowly goes blotchy and red.

You kick one of them and rush to the kitchen pulling out knives and trying to get to a hidden gun in the cabinet. The three ran after you, hitting you in the back with their bats. You stumble forward crashing into your marble counter.

Your bloody broken hands grab onto a knife and violently slash the person behind you, cutting one of their neck. You grab him by the back of his head jab the knife up into his neck and watch as the life dies in his scared eyes. You threw his body at the nearest attacker and went for the other.

You shove the knife into his torso and repeatedly punch the man in the face, breaking his nose with the second punch. Blood spewed out like a faucet.

Pew!

A bullet rips through your right biceps and into the side of your cheeks. Before losing momentum. You spat the bullet out and shoved the man in your arms against the last attack. As you did so you repeatedly stabbed the bloody man in your fist in the neck. Blood shoots onto your chest, staining your white shirt red.

You rip the knife out of his neck and face the last attacker. You plunge the knife right into his right eye and he crumbles onto the ground. You stop for a second, breathing hard as your lungs burn from the lack of air. You never stop working out, but your skills truly did become rusty. You rush to the cabinets and retrieve the gun.

You’d tumble back to the living room, your house trashed and photos burning in the middle of the expensive rug you bought. Your lips are pulled into a sharp frowning sneer. You flip the coffee table over smothering the fire pit. You stumble to your dog, Riley whimpers as you touch him, he is alive.

You grab your keys and rush Riley back to the vet, for immediate care. You left him there overnight. As you drive back your body is bruised and sore. As you drive back a car crashes into yours.

“That’s yer hoose?” Soap gawks at the large modern sleek design of the house. It’s large with a large yard— how the bloody hell did Simon afford this?

Gaz pressed his face against the window a wide smile on his face, it was a beautiful home. Price also stared, it was so American in design. It looks like a nightmare to defend with all those windows.

“My partner bought it,” Ghost grunts. His brows knit together as he saw the front door wide open, the window around the door shattered and broken.

“What the fuckin’ hell—“ he floored the car to the garage and rushed out and into his house. His living was a mess blood and dents in the wall.

“[name]!” He shouts. Silence greets him back, and his heart stops. “Riley!” Not even his dog was around.

“What the fuckin’ hell happened here?” Gaz asks slowly walking into the ruined house. Besides the mess, he could tell this house was beautiful, expensive, and enviable.

“Whit hav we got here?” Soap mutters walking deeper into the house his accident seeping into his worried tone.

“Ghost!” He shouts, seeing the three dead men in the kitchen. Ghost tore into the room and froze, his heart sunk and he rushed in checking to see if anyone was his love. They weren’t. He looked around the room and noticed that the cabinet with the hidden gun was open. He looked in, the gun was gone.

Ring ring!

He booked it to his landline a retro thing that you insisted on keeping. He lifts it to his ears.

“Is this… [name]?” A woman asks.

“No, I’m their husband,” Simon states.

“Your dog Riley just came out of Surgery, you can pick him up later today.”

Ghost signs and sets the phone down. The lady had no idea where you went after you dropped off Riley. She did tell him you were covered in blood and looked beaten up. You had refused their help to call the police. His dog is safe— but you were gone, gone with the wind.

What is going on?

His house is messed up. These random bodies are in his house. His spouse missing! What is going on?

His heart bounds violently against his chest as his heart falls. Where where you? Where were you taken? His worst nightmare came true— losing you. His hands slightly shake and he lets out a long sigh.

“You ok mate?” Gaz asks touching him on his shoulder.

“My partner is missing.” Ghost simply states. He walked to the garage, your car was gone. Your really nice vintage car is gone. His brows furrow together as anxiety sets in.

Ghost walks back into his house and pulls out his phone to call you. He hears the faint ring of your ringtone upstairs. The second floor was normal, with no destruction. In your shared room the lamp was still on, and blankets were thrown to the side.

He walked back downstairs trying to think. His eyes widened and he pulled his computer out. Sometimes he forgot about the security cameras he hid in this house, in the panic he had forgotten he set them up. The task for gather around to see what’s going on.

Simon’s blood rushed away from his cheeks, and he paled at the sight. His love, his light being beaten to a bloody pulp on the floor by some thugs. He switches cameras to the kitchen and to his shock he witnesses you kill all three. He could have mistaken the first kill as an accident. But the others look calculating, methodical— you could fight?

He hadn’t brought up self-defense classes yet. He wanted to, just in case his job would affect you and the baby…

“Damn, they can fight,” Gaz mumbled with awe. He switches back to the living room camera and watches as you flip the dining room table over to put out the fire scoop up Riley and drive off.

“I didn’t know your spouse could speak Russian,” Price mumbles rubbing his chin.

“Neither did I,” Ghost furrowed his brow. What were you hiding?

Ring ring.

Ghost stands up and answers the phone, his heart falls into the pit into the pit of his stomach. His hands slightly tremble, your prize car was found run off the road in a hit-and-run, and you were nowhere to be found.

“Mx. Wick,” you look at the concierge of the continental Hecate and smile politely. It took a few hours to get to the Continental Hotel.

“Make me a dinner reservation,” you calmly state. You had to get rid of the bodies in your house before your husband got home. She smiles and nods and makes the call for your residence.

You slide a coin over, “I like a room,” she smiles and nods setting a room up for you. You left the hotel and moved down the sketchy alleyway until you found an Asian restaurant. You knocked on the door as an old man appeared— a doctor.

“Doctor,” you greet.

“Mx. Wick,” he greets back letting you in. He was a black-market doctor. He patched you up and you limp back to the continental and heading back to sleep nicely.

You had asked Hecate to set up a meeting with the manager, Bereket Gerhold, you needed him to set up a meeting with Arseni. You sign close the curtains and go to sleep.

You’ll call Simon once this is all over. He must be worried. You aren’t the type to leave him— in the dark. He’s probably worried sick… you weren’t planning on leaving him high and dry after bringing his work friends over. How embarrassing, what a mess. You hope he didn’t find the bodies, how do you explain that? Any of this? You have a sleepless night.

Simon stared at the CCTV. He’s in shock, your Ford Mustang Mach 1, was slammed into violently by a black Mercedes. He watched it over and over again. How the Mercedes shoved your prized car out of the frame and into an abandoned warehouse where the cameras were long broken.

A bus came around. There was nobody left behind, just blood and broken car parts. Ghost caught a glimpse of the logo, the Continental Hotel. He thanks the police and leaves the station to find his team waiting for him.

“Where ur we gonna go?” Soap asks as Ghost reapproves the care.

“The continental hotel,” he states gruffly.

“There’s one in New York City, mate,” Gaz spoke up after looking up the hotel.

They drove off. Ghost had been to the hotel, he had seen it here and there. It’s an international hotel, for the rich. What were you doing there? He knows you’re rich but why go to a hotel and not the hospital? Not call him?

It’s late when they arrive at the continental. They walked in and people turned to them. They were outsiders— out of place. They ignore them and continue to walk to the front door.

“May I help you?” A woman asks.

“I want to know if my spouse is here.” Ghost firmly states.

“Name?” The woman asks.

“[name] Riley.”

“We have no one under that name.”

“…[Name] Wick.” The woman stops and looks up at him before a pleasant smile graces her lips. She picked up a phone and called someone. Simon felt his heart race, you were here.

“There are guests down here for you,” the woman says. She nods and hangs up. She handed over a key and told him the room number.

You sigh and stare at the door. Simon will be here soon. You change out of your bloody clothes and into a bathrobe. You chuck your bloody close into the bathtub.

You freeze and look at the door. The door handle slowly turns. You frown as a woman walks through the door a gun in hand. Arseni must have put a price on your head.

“Cordula,” you greet politely. “Wrong room?”

“Right room,” she pulls out her gun you just manage to dodge the bullet. You lunge at her wrestling her to the ground. She knees you in the groans a few times but you don’t let go slamming her back repeatedly into the ground.

She wrestled her hand free and shot you in the shoulder. You wince and let go of her. You back off holding your left shoulder. The door burst open and you see the burly body of your husband. He froze, seeing Cordula with a gun. Before she could even move to point it at him he had her on the ground pinned.

“Soap!” He calls in a Mohawk man steps in and switches places with him.

“My love!” He pulls you into a deep hug. He mumbles worriedly into your ear, “Why aren’t you at the hospital?” He pulls slightly away to gaze at your face. Touching it with tender care and love.

His eyes widen as he notices the blood oozing from your left shoulder. Something hit you in the side and you fall into his arms someone from outside of the hotel shot you in the side. Simon grabbed you and rushed you away from the window and out of the room.

“Shit,” you grumble in more pain. Now both sides of your torso have a gun wound.

“Gaz call the police—“

“Don’t.” You snap. You stagger to your feet and knock on the door next to your room. A familiar man answered it.

“Mx. Wick,” he greets everyone shocked, “are you working again.”

“No, can I narrow your phone?” You ask politely and a little curtly. Velimer steps aside and lets you in.

You call Hecate and tell her of the situation of the attempted murder on the continental ground by Cordula and the assassin out of the continental. She was understanding but a little dismissive.

“My husband almost called the police, I advise you to solve this, also summon the doctor to the continental I’ll be at the bar.” You hang up and give a curt nod to your neighbor.

“Let’s go downstairs,” you tell your husband and his friends.

“What do we do with her?”

“Bring her along the continental will deal with her.” You stagger off to the elevator. Simon snapped out of his shock and moved to support you even though you couldn't stand.

“You need to go to the hospital now.” He urges worry laced into his tone. You needed to tell him the truth but where do you begin? What do you say? How do you explain the madness of the underground crime world to an outsider?

Hecate was waiting for you when the elevator door opened. She took Cordula and you know her life is at an end. You stagger off to the bar. Your husband frowns watching as the strange concierge takes your attacker away.

Why were you so calm? What is going on? Why aren’t you going to the hospital? So many thoughts run through his mind as he chases after you.

“Love,” he calls out, “you need to go to the hospital, not the bar.”

“Relax—“

“You are bleeding!” He snaps not directly at you but at the whole situation. He’s stressed and very on edge. The one thing he spent years trying to protect is injured and he has no idea why. How wasn’t safe, this hotel isn’t safe, sure the hospital would be safer than here.

“Simon,” you sigh, he wouldn’t understand, “I am the safest here.” He looks at you strangely and watches as you walk to the bar.

Ghost stared at your staggering shuffle. Why were you acting so strange? He turns around to turn to his team. They had the same look. The strange woman comes back and Ghost approaches her.

“What is going on?”

“What do you mean?” She asks politely.

“Why did she attack my spouse?” He asks in a low dark tone. The woman pursed her lips before breaking into a smile.

“Codula broke the rules—“

“What rules?” Soap steps toward.

“The rules of the continental.” The woman smiles.

An old staggering man rushes into the hotel, the clerk points towards the bar and he waves rushing by with a man old fashion doctor's bag.

“Who’s attacking my spouse?”

“Have they not told you?” The woman leans forward. Ghost looks down at her tag, Hecate. She smiles.

Ghost backed up and b-lined it to the bar. He found you sitting in a recliner getting your shoulder wound checked out.

“My love,” he calls out his tone shaky but stern. You look with tired eyes and his heart aches in pain. You look so exhausted and tired. Are you scared?

“Who’s attacking you?”

“His name is Arseni Anastas—“

“The Russian mafia boss!” His eyes widen. He rushes over grabbing your hand gingerly and with care.

“What happened?” He searches your eyes with a worried expression. Your calm gaze didn’t help ease him, were you just petrified that you just couldn’t comprehend what was going on?

You calmly pull out a cigarette which is something you do only in times of stress if the furrowed brow deepens. You took a puff and blew out the smoke.

“Simon,” you softly stare leaning your forehead against his. “What I will tell you will change your opinion of me forever, you might hate me, you might want to leave me, but can you promise me you’ll listen?” You ask holding your pinky out for a promise.

“Promise,” he utters linking his pinky with yours.

“I am a former hitman. Arseni Anastas is targeting me because I recently killed his son, who killed our surrogate and child.” You answer with a concise tone.

He bolts up and takes a walking lap around you and the doctor who moved down to your torso to clean the wound. He looked at you before looking away there was a pained look in his gaze.

“Why didn’t you walk away?” He finally asks.

“Anne didn’t deserve to die like that,” you state taking another drag of the cigarette, “besides I found those fuckers after they did it. They weren’t remorseful.” You hum.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I didn’t realize it was Arseni’s bastard son… still would have killed him.” You hum. The doctor finishes up and you hand over a gold coin. He gives you a nod before hustling away.

“Would you and your friends like drinks?” You turn to your passing husband.

“Don’t run away from this conversation—“

“I’m not Simon, but I hate for your friends to stand around clueless. So let me get them some drinks and you can collect your thoughts before we talk again.” Your state.

Ghost and look at you eyes widening, Are you always this commanding? It’s so different. You used to go with the flow. He watches as you walk out of the bar dragged his team to the bar and paid for their first few drinks.

They sat at the counter giving you two some space. You got Simon some whisky and sat it down on the table and sat on the recliner again. You gesture to the other seat and Simon sat down.

“How long?”

“I’ve been one my entire life raised in this— economy.” You hum taking in another drag of the cigarette and letting the smoke set in your lungs before breathing it out.

“When did you quit?”

“Right before our wedding.” He stared at his glass of whisky. He couldn’t look at you.

“You lied about your job—“

“It’s my part-time job,” you correct, “it wasn’t a lie just not the full truth.” He down the drink and look you in the eyes. There was nothing but betrayal in his gaze. How could he ever trust you again?

“Is that where you got all this… blood money?”

“… Naturally.” He felt his gaze burn into your face searching for humanity. You like to look away but that is cruel for him, he deserves to know.

“So my dog was hurt because of you.” You take a sip of your bourbon and sigh. You feel the divorce coming.

“Arseni’s son…. Would have mugged me either way and you trained Riley to defend me, he would have gotten hurt either way. I saw red that night and killed him and his friends.”

You look into his pained eyes. He could barely look at you. You set your drink barely drink on the table and leaned in. Letting the smoke of your preferred poison ruin your mind for a microsecond.

“Simon, they broke continental rules trying to kill me.” You tilt your head and stare at him, “I am more dangerous than Arseni.”

You stand up and look at his friends before turning back to Simon, “Go home, let me handle this.”

“Are ye crazy,” the two of you turn around to see the Mohawk one, Soap was it… yelling “Ghost yer gonna let them do ‘is by themselves?” You turn back to your husband, Ghost? He looked at you.

“What’s your plan?” Simon asks after a moment of silence. You know he worked hard on controlling his emotions, he didn’t want to be like his father.

“I’m going to have a meeting with Arseni, he leaves me alone or I kill him.” You state. He frowns, that wasn’t a plan.

“Do you know what you're doing?”

“Yes, Sí I’ve been killing far longer than you, do you know what you're doing?” I ask. Not to be condescending but as a warning. He looked at you, you didn’t know to ask condescending questions, so he didn’t take it as that.

“And how do you know he won’t shoot you before the meeting.”

“You can’t kill on continental ground.” You state. They all look at you strangely. They all had the same look, what kind of rule is that?

“Surely you do realize the underground world is far older than your government? Then your military? Then the political wars? I live in a world of honor and regulations. I am the safest here.” You reiterate your words from before. You could see realization dawn on his face.

“How are you going to… kill him? What if he stays here permanently? You won’t be able to kill him,” Simon states.

“Well… your CIA friend must be looking for him. Either I get him or your government gets him.”

“So you're using us—“

“Don't overthink it, love,” you said looking down at him, “my other plan was to scorch the earth. Originally I was going to hunt him down… personally that’s still my preferred method but I like to end this as on as possible.”

“Damn Ghost yoo found yourself a spitfire!”! Soap cheers which earned him a glare.

“Oh,” your turn back to Simon. “I owe a Blood Oath to an Italian mobster.”

“What does that mean?” He leans back folding his arms. He’s guarding himself from you.

“If he comes to find me, I must do what he asks. It is a blood debt.” You state firmly.

“And why do you owe him one?”

“Because I left this life to marry you.” You state which took him by surprise.

“Can we talk in the lobby?” Simon asks setting his empty glass down. The confusion was gone and he made up his mind, or at least he came to redemption.

You two walk into the semi-quiet lobby the air conditioning drowning out some of the muttering of other people. A few turn to you, of course, they did. You two found a small corner to stand and talk.

“…why didn’t you tell me?” That was all he could say.

“I didn’t want to chase you away.” You honestly tell him. He cups your face rubbing his thumb tenderly against your cheeks.

“I wish you told me before all this.”

“This is pretty last minute.” He slightly cracks a smile.

“Let me help you.” He murmurs pulling you into a hug.

“I don’t want you getting hurt.” You mutter back.

“[name] I can’t know you're doing something dangerous without me… I can’t lose you, too.” You pulled you close and kissed your lips tenderly. As you pull away you see the manager walking in.

”[name],” you pull away and he turns around to look at the older man. He’s in his 50s or 60s by the look of him.

“Berket,” you greet walking up to him.

“And what do I owe the pleasure of Mx. Wick?” He asks with a fond smile.

“Set up a meeting with Arseni, I like to chat.” You fold your arm.

“Why?”

“Simply we need to chat,” he stared into your eyes before nodding.

“You must be their husband,” Berket turns to Simon with a strange smile looking up and down.

Ghost felt his body tense under his gaze. He gently grabs onto your arm protectively. He didn’t like this man, how he talked to you like you were a child. It infuriated him.

“They did quite a lot to leave this life for you, an almost impossible task.” He walks past and towards Hecate.

“What does he mean, love?” He asks softly still holding onto your arm. His grip travels down and he laces his fingers with yours.

“To leave this world you must do something major, most can’t do the task that is asked of them. I was able to, after getting help— the blood Oath.” You explain.

“You’re not truly out are you?” He mutters pulling you into a hug once more.

“Not fully, once I finish that blood Oath I will be.”

“Are you sure?”

“I hope so.” He frowns as he studies your face.

“What did you get us into?” He murmurs before lifting your chin to kiss you deeply.

“Us?” You ask.

“Us.”

“Who knows,” you murmur.

“Let’s get back to the others and figure out an actual place,” he takes you by the hand and walks back for the bar. “And we can get you some clothes later.”

You blink a few times before chucking, “I forgot I was wearing a robe.” He chuckles and you find the three chatting with the bartender.

“Is there a private place to talk?” He asks me.

“Go get them and I’ll talk with Hecate.” You hum. As you turn to leave he didn’t immediately let go he looked at you longingly before slowly letting go. He watched you leave.

You approach Hecate, “I need to use your armory.”

“Why?”

“Need a quiet and safe place to talk with my husband and his colleagues, my hotel room isn’t safe.” She froze for a second before smiling.

“Of course.”

“Will you also bring me a new suit?” You ask. She nods. You turn around to see all four men walking towards you.

Hecate walked us to the vault and the men froze gazing at the wall-to-wall guns on display and a nice couch in the middle. You sit down on the couch, your husband joining you. The other leaned Against the wall or checked out the guns.

“Why so many guns?” One asks. The other one, besides Soap, pulled out a cigar and began to smoke.

“Safety protocols.” He turns to you confused.

“So the plan?” The cigar man asks.

“Arseni Anastas leader of the Russian Mafia will be coming here for a meeting with me, with the help of the manager,” you start.

“We can contact Laswell to see if they are looking for him,” Simon speaks up.

“We can call the police swat team—“

“We bought them out,” you state interrupting Soap.

“The FBI will have to send their people, people who have nothing to do with this hotel chain or this world.” You state fiddling with the helm of your robe.

“So this place is highly corrupt?” Cigar man asks.

“Completely.” You state looking at all of them. The room grew silent as each began to think.

“Can’t you just kill him?” Soap asks.

“I can but not on continental grounds. I’m bound by rules.” He nods.

“Let’s contact Laswell, she might have a plan.” They nod. The cigar man pulled out his phone and began to call someone.

“So…” the dad cap man begins, “is the… Baba Yaga real?” He asks.

“Yeah is he?”

“Gaz, Soap,” Simon said sternly.

“What?” Dad Cap asks, “If their other hitmans out there surely the Baba Yaga is real!” Soap and Gaz turn to you expectingly.

“Yeah Baba Yaga is real.” You sigh, you forgot about your notoriety, you forgot to tell your husband. This could break your relationship again… fuck!

“Who? Baba Yaga hasn’t been seen in years did he finally die?” Gaz folds his arms speculating.

“No.”

“Then what happened?”

“I retired.”

“Oh— Your Baba Yaga?” Soap said his eyes widening in shock. You since at his volume.

“Yeah.” He looked you up and down, you didn’t look like much. You could see Simon staring at you in shock as betrayal clouds his eyes again.

“Only the Baba Yaga could do what the high table asks and leave this hellish world alive.” You tell him sternly.

“So… you know… we are hunting you?” Gaz mumbles.

“Figured.” You state standing up as Hecate walks in with a nicely pressed suit tailored to your body “I’m shocked you hunting me when all my targets have been other criminals.” You hum as you begin to put on the pants.

“How did you track down Azhar Maktar when we couldn’t even find him?” Soap asks watching you intently as you change into the black suit.

“The continental and a few connections,” you state.

“I see… will the continental help us.”

“I doubt it, you can ask but they will turn you down.” You tell them. You put on the white dress shirt hiding behind Simon’s body to as you change. You walk from behind him suit on and ready to slay.

“Can you help us locate another man?” Soap asks.

“Who?”

“Vladimir Makarov,” your face scrunches up. Hearing that familiar name.

“That bastard.” You mumble.

“You know him?”

“Met the motherfucker on a mission, got in my way so I beat him near death. Since then every few years he sends men after me trying to kill me.” You wave your hands before walking to the wall and looking for a nice gun to have.

“Do you know where he is?”

“No, my guess is somewhere nowhere Russia.” Soap groans and looks at you with slight disappointment.

“Is Makarov part of the underground network?” Simon finally asks.

“I’m not sure, I haven’t heard of him, but he could be using a proxy.” You explain, too which he nods.

“Alright,” you all turn to the cigar man who sets the phone down. “There is a warrant on Arseni Anastas. We are given the authority to get him.” He tells his crew. They all nod.

“We’ll have to drop by a base—“

“Too far,” you inturupt Gaz. “You’ll have to work like a hitman. Let’s get you suits.” You turn to them with a wicked smile. They all look at you confusingly.

“What will a suit do?” Gaz asks.

“Besides fitting in with the continental it can also protect you from bullets unless you want to risk it.” He nods.

“So where do we get the suits?” Cigar man asks.

“I know a place. We’ll borrow a car from the continental and drive there.” You explain.

“You stay here,” Simon immediately states. He looks down at you with a serious expression, “You're the target.” You sigh but nod.

“Before you go you need to know a few things.” You state pulling out a notepad. You wrote down two addresses, one for a tailor and another for a Sommelier.

“When you go to the Sommelier ask for him and when you meet him ask for a tasting. If you don’t like what he gives ask for something robust,” they stared at you a little confusingly, “Simon in your case ask for dessert.”

“Why?” Gaz slowly asks.

“We talk in code,” you explain.

“When you go to the tailor and ask for an Italian suit, it’s for a social event, tactical lining, and rush to order. Have it delivered to the hotel, got it?” You tell them. They all nod committing your words to memories.

“Let me get some coins,” you murmur.

“Coins?”

“You need to pay for it somehow.” You walk off and walk back to your destroyed hotel room. You retrieved a handful of coins and pocketed it.

“Here,” you hand over the coins to your husband. He looked at them weirdly. “Assassin currency pays what they ask for.” He nods and studies your face.

“We’ll be back soon,” Simon kisses you on the forehead.

As they depart the hotel you let out a sigh and sit down at the bar. You order another round of bourbon and smoked another cigarette. You mind your own business as people come in and out.

A few hours passed before they returned. They looked a little frazzled and very warn out. Simon sat across from you and handed over the unused coins.

“What— that was an experience.” Soap mumbles pulling a chair up next to you.

“Are those guns legal here?”

“Yes,” you answer, “yes it is.”

“So… what now?” Simon asks.

“It’ll be a few days until the suit will be done.” You begin putting out your cigarette on the ashtray. They spent their time casing out the continental waiting for their suits to be made.

Simon spent most of his time around you, asking questions here and there. You could tell with every answer you gave stressed him out even more. You pitted him, this must be so… daunting to learn.

“Love,” you look over to see your husband walking up to you.

“Yes?”

“Let’s go over the plan again,” you sigh but nod. It’s the twentieth time he asks but you know it comes from a place of pure love.

“We’ll be having this meeting in the bar. Gaz and Soap will be sitting at the bar while you and Price watch on from the lobby.” You recite again. He nods along.

“I rather be inside the room.” He spoke up finally telling you his honest desire. You looked at him. His team agreed he shouldn’t be in the room and so did you. Not because you didn’t want him there, just if it gets tense, you didn’t want him to see you at your worst.

“It’s not up to me,” you state, but to some degree it was. He turns to you eyes full of worries and grief, eyes that seem to study you with every second his gaze lingers. You knew he was trying to remember everything about you, your face, your smile, your voice, everything.

“It’s going to be ok,” you reassure him. You touch his thigh and he gazes down at your hand. He slowly nods.

“Promise me you won’t do anything drastic.”

“I promise.”

“Wow… these suits are, are almost perfect,” Soap mused to himself as he moved his arms up and down.

“It still feels a little constrictive.” Gaz mutter.

“Italians like to hug so the suits are a little more comfortable to move around in them.” You explain as you pick up a knife and slip it up your sleeve.

“I feel like James Bond,” Gaz smiled looking at himself in the mirror.

You slightly smile and look over to your husband who silently watches you. You give him a reassuring nod before getting up.

“Are you ready men,” you look over to see their Captain, Price speak up. They nod and head out, leaving you and Simon one last moment of peace.

He pulls you close to him and softly kisses you one last time. It was far longer than any kiss he had ever given. It was a goodbye as it was a final “I love you.”

“Be safe.”

“Of course,” he left the room.

If it was anyone else besides your husband you would have laughed. Be safe… You’re the Baba Yaga, you have no need to worry. You sigh and look around the room. Your anxiety is kicking in even though you’ve done this a hundred times… was it because you have something to lose now?

Ring ring

Your hotel phone goes off, you stand up put your cigarette out in the ashtray, and lift the phone.

“Yes?” You answer.

“Arseni Anastas is here.” You thank Hecate and exit your room. You made your way down to the bar. As you enter the lobby you find both your husband and the captain sitting At opposite places slowly studying everyone’s movement.

You round the corner to the bar and there surrounded by a few men was Arseni. He turns to you with this wicked cold glare. You sat across from him.

“Arseni,” you greeted coldly.

“Wick,” he sneers back, “come to beg from my forgiveness?”

“Hardly, I am asking you to walk away from this—“

“You killed my son!” He roars before falling back to Russian insults.

“And you’re done killing my surrogate and child,” you coldly stated. He turns back to you annoyed and frustrated.

“I’ll give up when he’ll freeze over.” You stood up lit another cigarette and stared down at him.

“Then let’s take this outside off of continental grounds.” You suggest moving away from the plans.

“I’ll kill you one way or another!”

Creak!

The window to the bar shatters as a bullet hits your bulletproof vest. You sense and take cover. Arseni that fool! His men turn on you guns ready. But then both Gaz and Soap caught on to the madness.

Bullets fly across the continental bar. You see Arseni and a few of his men rush for the exit. You scramble to your feet and chase after him.

“[name!],” your husband shouted but you were out the doors. You grab the onto your suit and use it to hide your head.

As the last bodyguard left continental grounds you unsheathed your knife and stabbed him in the neck. You restless the gun from him and shot him dead.

Ba ba ba!

It hit your suit. You winced in pain. Though they stopped the bullet they did not stop it from hurting like hell. You shot two more dead. A few other hitmen came rushing out, they were waiting for you.

You lungs behind a car and check how many rounds you have left. You sigh and begin to quickly take out the hire hit. You changed up to a semiautomatic gun and mode down two more.

Arseni jumped into a car and knocked out an assassin on a motorcycle. You hopped on and raced after them, leaving the continental behind.

You chased him down to a run-down building. You groan realizing this will be a shoot-out. You enter the building slowly ready to kill your target.

They came flooding out like ants to a food pile. It was almost like an all-you-can-eat buffet. They made it so easy. You swing around ducking and dodging as you take out one person after another. Every once in a while exchanging your gun out for a newer one.

By the time you reach the final door, you are completely out of it. You were very rusty, in your skills but it seems like your body hasn’t forgotten. You know tomorrow you be sore.

“In here!” You froze and duck down behind the railing and look to see who just arrived. To your shock, it was your husband and his friends.

“[name]?” Simon calls out.

“Here,” you shout back before standing up.

“You were supposed to wait!” He worriedly stated anger laced with in his tone.

“Did you do this?” Gaz asks seeing the dead boy littering the ground.

“One last room,” you state.

“Let us handle it.” You looked at your husband before sighing and nodding.

You stared at the door, your hands itching to enter. The door slowly opens in in their costing was Arseni. He looked at you with vile and hate.

“You're a filthy pig,” he snarls. Soap pushed him forward and walked him away.

“Finally this is over.”

“I doubt it’s that simple.”

--------

8.4K Words

@makandcheeses, @100percentlazybonez, @selinbaskaya

[fluffypotatey]

Leverage 2x04

WE STARTING NO PREGAME

y’all why is it called “The Fairy Godparents Job” what the fuck are they about to do 

OH NO NOT THE CHILD

ok child is fine thank god

sorry paused it and that woman looks sO ready to punch Parker 💀💀💀💀

It’s understandable bc Parker did sound like she was only humoring the nurse but Parker is trying!!!! Look at her! She wants to learn how to act compassionate like Nate!!!

but poor nurse 🥺 forced to close her clinic because some board guy was shady 😔 

Daniel Fowler?

Why does that sound familiar?

Ok listen Nurse Kay, did you not ask them for your help????? Is this not you wanting aid from them? “It’s so hard to trust people.” Okay yeah makes sense since this was all on you but cut them some slack you don’t know them like I do

No Nate, Parker has a point. Why should you trust her? 

Sophie is busy duh 🙄

NO

NO SOPHIE YOU ARE NOT DATING SOME GUY (he is cute tho)

was he a hit? no Sophie don’t tell him that

no that was not her boyfriend imma stay in denial

Awwwwww Hardinson wanting to share his gadgets 

Eliot, I highly doubt Hardinson is a virgin and even if he was, it would not be because he’s a nerd

Awwwww look at Nate and Parker 🥺 when dad tries to give you the 101 on how to sympathize with clients

Sophie episode? 👀

Dam Fowler sounds like a bitch

Ooooooh Sophie back from her date where she got dumped 👀 Nate is looking a little huffy 👀

Parker 💀

Eliot and Hardinson deserve to shit on rich people together

Sophie just eating all the snacks lmao 😂 i am sorry babe but like girlie when would you have told that dude the truth?

Parker being down to blow up the apartment my beloved

ELIOT AND ALEC NEED TO SHIT ON RICH PEOPLE TOGETHER!!!!! That should be their date night 

Oh? Was it the kids who got the old dude caught with the feds? Lmao

Ouch 😬

He’s only 10!!!!! Dude chill :/

STEAL THE SCHOOL???? Y’all and your stealing 🥰

HARDINSON 💀💀💀💀

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

love you ma’am 

NATE NO

NATE YOU FUCKING JOKER

concern parents association 💀

No! Not the public school!

Eliot do not flirt with the target’s daughter (wife? i forgot her relation)

Man those polos look horrid

Ohhhhhhh that explains the child

Tbh I’m with Eliot here. Using a kid is a little murky 

Awwwwww he’s just a little guy 🥺

They’re gonna find out he sucks ass aren’t they

Tho if Widmark later becomes a little shit that would be funny

Eliot this is a bad idea

Smhhhhhh

Sophie don’t do it. Don’t say you picked the best and then choose Widmark. Girlie no

SOPHIE 💀 I love you

Sophie please choose the little girl

She’s awesome. Sophie please 🙏 

Widmark is not a sweet boy is he *squints* he’s suspicious 

PARKER

OH MY GOD MCSWEETEN

THEY ARE BACK

awwww does Mcsweeten have a crush 👀👀👀 

Ok so either someone was trying to kill Fowler or someone was trying to kill the feds?

Gasp! In front of Taggert! Mcsweeten! Shame shame shame 😔

Eliot and Hardinson acting all old married couple 🤭 “I just spent the day with kids i dont need that!” And “listen man, you try chasing down a guy and also memorizing his face!”

Parker back at it again saving the ot3

Awwwwww Eliot wants to join the fbi duo 🥺 “there’s an armed gunman!” You’re worried for them 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Imma laugh if this Widmark kid plays them lmao like imagine 💀

So they’re putting up a musical? A recital?

Awwww Nate’s face. Lovesick fool

6????? Weeks?????

TWO DAYS????????

Okay wait Skylar isn’t that bad 🥺

He’s just a kid y’all

Lmao this episode is just a coming of age parody and Sophie is playing her role so well

Parker found something 👀

Ok but don’t take it out on the kid tho 🥺 his dad’s an asshole not the child (yet)

That father is totally gonna vet them 

YES ELIOT TEACH THEM HOW TO FIGHT

Sophie, love you, but do you actually know the kid? Sorry I’m getting invested in my “the kid turns out to be more important to the heist and will be a future problem bc he fools them all” crack theory 

She makes valid points bc he truly just a kid caught in a really bad crossfire

Yes the window, Hardinson 🙄 it’s Parker she’ll be fine

Omfg they brought coffee

Mcsweeten you sweetie pie

Taggert 💀 you trying to make Hardinson jealous lmao bc you are also jealous and think Mcsweeten would leave you for Parker (……ok he might BUT)

Widmark is totally playing them!!!! 

CACKLING LMAO

“All that personal space.” 💀💀Like yeah Mcsweeten you literally got right behind her lmao

Ok choked on my apple bc laughing but all’s well

Omg aw baby 🥺 is he really that nervous

Awwwww Parker is worried

Sophie don’t tell the kid you’re a con artist

NOPE I DO NOT TRUST THIS KID

I DO NOT

TRUST

Mcsweeten no 😖

Omfg Hardinson I was so stressed for you

Poor Mcsweeten 

Widmark, you are acting so sus

Where are your red eyes? Why does it not look like you’ve been crying?

YALL I DO NOT TRUST THIS CHILD

Sophie stop being so honest to him. You gotta stop having a bleeding heart girlie

Hey y’all? The kid was singing near that very wall. He HAS been singing near that wall

Oh great gunman is here

Awwwwwww

THE CHILD

THE CHILD TOLD HIM

YES HARDINSON

HELL YEAH ELIOT FUCK THEM UP

I FUCKING KNEW IT

wait or did I???????

now I’m confused

awwww the small applause

Awwwwwww he’s a cutie 🥰 idk what to think

Lmao Sophie 💀 “can y’all fight elsewhere???? nO respect for theater!”

Hey :( clap for your son >:(

Awwwwwww

HO SHIT

DUDE????????

ON THE AIR?????????? 💀

Mcsweeten stop it lmao

Happy ending 🥰🥰🥰

General thoughts:

Ok I was way off on the kid dam it truly was a crack theory poor kiddo. Sorry I found you suspicious 😒 and I’m sorry I doubted you Sophie 😔 you were right 

On the bright side, hey! Your step dad who ruined your life is now in jail! And you look a lot happier without that trash bag! 

Parker and Hardinson FBI duo back at it again! And with our bonus real fbi duo! I love them they are so funny. 

But yeah! Really fun episode seeing them play as teachers and fbi

[tinytinybumblebee]

Today on “I’m exhausted hearing awful takes on astarion” as a trauma survivor myself I think astarion struggles to show weakness in the sense of recovery… like now that he’s free of Cazador, he’s supposed to be strong, independent, always knowing what he’s doing and who he wants to be. And for the most part that’s true, he is all those things, but when ghosts of his past come back to haunt him he feels shame in being someone vulnerable again who needs care. He hides it and bottles it up for such a long time but…

Then Tav comes along, his partner but also cg, and when the dam finally breaks they’re right there reassuring him that he is competent and capable and independent, he’s fought for his freedom and won and no one can deny that. But sometimes he needs coddling and that’s okay, he can be both strong and in need of protecting and support, they aren’t mutually exclusive (because a lot of people treat them like they are and as a survivor myself I do value my independence and not being coddled, but put simply and people don’t think about this with Astarion I’ve noticed, sometimes you just need to crumble and need to be needy and that’s not a sign that you’re recovering wrong or relapsing or anything)

Tav assures him he can be weak and need things if that’s how he feels, that being in need once in a while doesn’t invalidate everything he went through. And maybe he needs to regress that night. And it’s gonna be ok while he does.

Tav sits down with him, assuring him he’s going to be big again soon, but for now he should relish being little and not feel ashamed at all for needing cuddles and bottles and diapers and pacis. He’s still allowed to need things even if he’s won over his abuser. And the baby bat can be happy and get lots of cuddles and treats knowing no one thinks less of him and his beloved Tav will be there for him—he’ll pay them back somehow later and find a way to support them when they need him, but for now no thoughts baby bat. Give him headpats and kisses. Wrap him up into a little baby bat burrito. Put him in comfy safe diaps and be there to change them, and put him in all kinds of pretty clothes (tbh he would look so cute in “classic” baby gear like bonnets or mittens/booties you can’t convince me otherwise)—the entire camp has a whole “spoil Astarion” day because he deserves it and shouldn’t have to always force himself to be strong.

(sorry for the ramble he is very precious and dear to me and i’ve seen so many bad takes on aspects of him that dishearten me as someone who relates to him jddhxndvnd sorrry)

Yes yes YES to this all nonny!!! You got the most galaxy mind for tiny Astarion aaaaaa this poor vampire wants to be the perfect example of a survivor who has made it through without a care past the revenge he wanted- he doesn't want to be seen as some weakling, he doesn't want to lean on others!!

But, in small steps, Astarion is able to let his walls become thinner, allowing Tav and those he trusts in when it comes to his regression aaa♡♡♡

[mykneeshurt]

HIII 💗💗

I love your writing and your work, so I was wondering if I could request Gaz x Reader for COD !

so like I was thinking about like hurt/comfort sorta thing? like if the reader was like sad about something and like about to cry and if Gaz would like comfort them or somth ??

sry if this sounds too confusing,, idk how to explain 😭

Probably went H.A.M on this lmao but this was cute to write. I don’t normally write for Gaz outside of head cannons so I hope this is ok!

Warnings - mentions of gore, COD typical violence, mentions of trauma, flashbacks, mentions of survivors guilt

Checking your clock it read 03:00, the witching hour. You could sleep, plagued with images of your last mission. Which went horribly wrong, you’d lost some good men, good friends that day. You’d been back on base 3 days, and while no one expected you to be over it yet, if at all, you did. You needed to move on, to get over it, you needed to prove to yourself that you weren’t weak.

Giving in you decided some fresh air might help, getting dressed you pulled the door closed behind you. You made your way down the corridors until you made it to the training field. Lying down you stared up at the night sky, counting the stars above you. A warm salty tear slowly drifted down your cheek.

‘Hey, you ok?’ The sudden noise made you jump, quickly you wiped away the tear and tried to hide your face. ‘Oh, hi Gaz. Didn’t think anyone else was up.’ You sniffed, desperately trying to hide the fact you were crying. ‘Yeah, can’t sleep. Never can before I ship out. Heard you leave your room, just wanted to check on you.’

Hearing that from him meant the world, you thought a lot of Gaz, he was a good solider and even better friend. You’d always fancied him, but he wasn’t to know that. ‘I’m fine’ you muttered, pleading your voice not to crack. Gaz sat down on the soft grass next to you ‘aww come on now, can’t bullshit a bullshitter’ he smiled. He placed his arm around you, pulling you in close to him.

You sighed, choosing to remain silent. ‘Crying isn’t a sign of weakness yanno’ he began, testing the waters. ‘Can’t let emotion build up in this job, it comes out when you least expect it. If you need to cry, cry. I promise I won’t tell anyone.’ You stifled a laugh, but it was no use, to tears fell. They fell hard and fast. ‘I don’t even know where to begin’ you sniffed.

‘Well, start with why you can’t sleep? What you thinking of?’ His voice was so gentle, smooth like silk and genuine. ‘I can’t stop seeing their faces. Their screams. I can smell the flesh burning. It’s just there, and I can’t do anything. I didn’t do anything. I should have saved them.’ Without even realising the tears were falling, heavy and thick with sorrow.

Gaz pulled your face to look at him, wiping your tears away with his thumb. ‘It wasn’t your fault. What you’re feeling is survivor guilt. I’ve been there. You did nothing wrong, there was nothing you could have done any different. You need to talk to someone, you can’t bottle this up.’ You lost yourself in his kind eyes, searching for any trace of a lie but found none. ‘But it’s my fault. It’s my fault they’re dead. I shouldn’t be here.’

He pressed his forehead against yours. ‘It’s not your fault, there’s no earthly way you could have known there was an RPG aimed at you. You don’t have x-ray eyes do you?’ You shook your head. ‘So how could you have known? You got out, you’re here now with me. Alive. And I’m so thankful. When you see their faces find something you can feel, and really feel it. Take note of how it feels against your skin, is it rough? Soft? Malleable? And text me, tell me what you feel. Can you do that?’

You nodded. Your foreheads meshed together in the bitter night air. Feeling more grounded the dam broke. You sobbed into his shoulder, choking on your tears as he held your head against him. ‘Breathe with me. You got this love.’ You tried to breathe in time with him, in and out. In and out. ‘That’s it. Well done. Deep breaths.’ His voice was calm and soothing, you felt safe and grounded in his arms. ‘Promise me you’ll talk to someone? You can’t go through this alone.’ You nodded again. ‘Words.’

‘I promise Gaz, thank you.’ He placed a reassuring kiss to your temple ‘come on, it’s fuckin baltic out here. I’ll walk you back to your room.’

[wondrousmay]

Weekly seasonal anime thoughts

Trying out a new format of sharing my thoughts on seasonal anime that I’m watching! Hope this works out since I miss writing/analyzing stuff!

Yuru Camp S3E03: It was so much fun to see Rin and Ayano hanging out together on this trip! They’re such a great duo and their personalities play off each other very well. Nadeshiko is also enjoying her solo trip too. The dam curry looks delicious 🤤

The Many Sides of Voice Actor Radio Ep2: Hmm, it feels like story’s pacing is going faster than what I remembered from the manga so some scenes lost emotional impact. I did like the scene where Satou and Watanabe clashed because of their different perspectives on idol-seiyuu.

Dungeon Meshi Ep16: Laois’s party finally met up with Shuro and Kabru’s! Shuro’s reaction to Falin’s resurrection caught me off guard but I guess it does make sense since it’s forbidden magic. Kabru continues to fascinate me as well. Falin’s reveal at the end was chilling…

Whisper Me a Love Song Ep2: ahhhh, this was another cute ep that got my heart going dokidoki! I loved seeing Yori and Himari bond over their love for cats. I also loved that Yori took the initiative to be serious about her confession! Himari’s not sure about her feelings yet though.

Jellyfish Can’t Swim in the Night Ep3: This episode introduces us to Kiui, Mahiru’s childhood friend, and her story is just as captivating as the others! It’s a painful thing to be considered an outcast so it makes sense that Kiui chose to be a shut-in. I’m glad Mahiru’s courage got through to her in the end. This ep introduces us to Kiui, Mahiru’s childhood friend, and her story is just as captivating as the others! It’s a painful thing to be considered an outcast so it makes sense that Kiui chose to be a shut-in. I’m glad Mahiru’s courage got through to her in the end.

[burntblueberrywaffles]

Saw someone doing this and thought it would be fun so!

My 2023 Fandom wrapped!

Fandom you read the most fic for:

…yeah it’s Star Wars (no one is surprised)

Just looking at my bookmarks, I made 48 new ones this year, plus I know I reread at least 6 of my older bookmarks which leads us to the conservative estimate of 54 fanfics (but was probably more if you account for the stuff I didn’t bookmark) Yes I went insane again ❤️ …still not as bad as summer 2022 but that’s just bc I ran the Anidala tag so dry it’s become very hard to find new stuff LOL

Most wholesome ship you’ve liked

Ummm I’d say maybe Locklyle? That or Firstprince they’re both very cute hehe

Most cursed ship you’ve liked:

I wouldn’t call any of my ships cursed… that said I have definitely have been in my toxic couple era LOL, so I’d say Snowbaird that I just recently got into bc… yeah 🙈

Top 5 ships:

-Anidala

-Stolitz

-Wyler

-Snowbaird

-Firstprince

New ships/rare pairs you liked:

In general I’m not really a rare pair girlie, so I guess the closest I got is that I really like the idea of a June/Nora/Pez throuple w rwrb 👀 haven’t read fic for it or anything but I like it lol

No pressure tags for @dam-bluecookies @suchaladyy @realmermaid333 @realisticintentions @fangeek-girl @diamantdog @cupoteahatter @ourdramaqueen and of course anyone else who wants to do it!

[invisiblegarters]

Micro BL Reviews

For things that I’ve watched or am watching but for whatever reason (laziness, it’s laziness) didn’t decide to do an episode by episode review.

Recently Started/Finished

Oh! My Assistant - this one was off to such a good start, but I feel like it just fell apart for me. Part of it was the ridiculous jealousy plots - usually I can forgive people not talking to each other but dear lord they went on so long. But I think most of it was that it felt like the drama was more invested in Joon Seok’s unrequited love for Mu Young than in the actual main couple. I did really like the part with Seon Ho coming to terms with his bisexuality, though. That was good. 7/10

My School President - Cute, but for whatever reason isn’t grabbing me much. Will probably put it on the back burner until it’s complete. 

The New Employee - I have high hopes for this one. I really like it so far and if I like ep three as much as I did one and two I will probably talk about it more. I am liking this new thing Korea is doing where people are explicitly gay or bi, no sidestepping - and I like very much that our MC belonged to a gay club in college, and his BFF is a lesbian. Give me more of this, Korea, please, and give the lesbian a cute girlfriend. I also am also really digging the chemistry between the leads - we’ve only got a kiss on the cheek so far but I’m honestly buying that Mr. Bossman can’t stay away from the cute intern, and I can’t wait to see how much harder it’s gonna get for him (pun so very intended) in the future. 

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner - I like this one. I’m not entirely sure why, because it’s kind of a mess, but I do. looking forward to some backstory in the next ep, wondering wtf possessed Dong Baek in ep...two, I think? And also very much wondering what Denis’ deal is. I don’t think he’s genuinely interested in Dong Baek, that’s for damn sure. That said, I think I like him anyway, so long as whatever he’s doing doesn’t result in some time-skip separation between Dong Baek and Yu Dam. Korea seems to be going a bit old school with this one, so if we do get a kiss I expect it will be bad, but I’m happy enough with hugs. Both of them look like really good huggers tbh, and I get a kick out of the way that Yu Dam always bends down to get his chin in the crook of Don Baek’s shoulder. I don’t know if I’m feeing the chemistry between them but I’m sure feeling something.  

Rewatches

Semantic Error - my goodness do I love this drama. If Eternal Yesterday didn’t exist it’d be my top BL of the year, and for sure it’s the one I’ve watched the most (I adore Eternal Yesterday but I have to prep both my emotions and my sinuses for those rewatches). I love everything about it - sure the plot is simple but the chemistry more than makes up for it. I love the cinematography, the music, the acting. The chemistry between the MCs is wonderful and they are also proof that Korea can actually do a good kiss when it wants to. One of two 10/10 shows for me this year. 

Love By Chance - aw, baby’s first MAME, and pretty much the only one that I really like (that I’ve watched). The first time I watched I was totally about TIn/Can, but now I have come to really appreciate Ae/Pete a lot more, and they’re the reason I stuck with the rewatch. They’re so sweet, and I love the earnest way that Ae stumbles through falling hard for the first time, I also found a weird new appreciation for Pond. Never expected that one. 

[boysplanetrecaps]

Boys Planet, Episode 3 Recap, Part 1

This review will conclude the signal test and the level reassignment, and cover the team selection. Let's do it!

Let's skip past the previews and teasers and go to 3:10 for more signal song tests.

First up is 3 star Seo Won, who is in NINE.i and auditioned with Attention. He walks in to the judging rooms and LipJ seems unprofessionally glad to see him. He starts his performance and honestly is super charming. He gestures to his name tag when the lyrics say "name" and I mean, sure, literal hand gestures worked for Evan Hanson so why not. He concludes with such a cute ending fairy that LipJ screams out loud. Then he scurries out, muttering, “That was so fun!” I love to see that, because so many of these trainees seem to hate to perform, leaving me wondering why they want to be performers.  The judges decide to promote him to 4 stars, so good for you, Seo Won!  

Next up is my little cousin and noted yeller Kum Jun Hyeon (the subtitles use a different transliteration). He starts with a silent yell (to save his throat) and then does a good performance, with on key, if slightly over-forceful, singing. When he's done, he asks Solji if he's changed and she says yes. The judges say he’s improved and give him 4 stars. He’s happy about it.

Next is blue-haired Park Hanbin from The Real. He does well, even if his singing a bit pitchy for my taste. He returns to the trainees and then kind of obnoxiously tells them, “why waste my breath? Of course I got All Star.” He was just joking around, I'm sure, but I feel like people won’t like that…?  In the midst of his joy, we keep cutting to members of the Korean Kick It team -- sickly baby Han Yu Jin and mop headed Kim Gyu Vin. They look miserable. 

Next is Mun Jung Hyeon, the raspy rapper from The Real. He sounds pretty breathy in his vocals, but they’re on key, and he is charming. The judges upgrade him to 4 star, and I’m really glad. I feel like that whole team deserved to be 4 stars all along.  

Next is Le Ye Dam, who did that amazing audition to Gambler. He’s just good at everything. He keeps his 4 star status, and bounces off the floor like a cricket in his joy. 

Next is sweetheart Keita from Ciipher/Conduct Zero. I think he still needs a bit of vocal training for some of the lower notes, actually, but the higher notes he does well with. 

Kim Gyu Vin is next, and he doesn’t want to be judged by Master Baek, one of the psycho dance teachers. I am deliberately not learning their names because I genuinely dislike them, quite intensely. Seeing Gyu Vin walk into the room -- it’s like I’m seeing an abused kid confront his abuser. I know Korean culture is different and stuff but these trainees are so young and the dance teachers are so cruel, so needlessly cruel. I don’t see any value in behaving this way. I’m not that invested in whether or not this one teenager gets to debut or not, but I am invested in this one human being’s mental health. His voice cracked a few times when he was performing, and he just seemed deflated. The same kid who put 7 star stickers on his nametag when he came in was just ready to give up. I find this very sad. The judges demote him to 3 stars, which seems fair based on his performance, but this is one of those situations in which the observer changes the observed. 

Next is Ji Yun Seo, the leader of the Kick It team. He seems to stumble on the vocals a lot, and apparently his dancing is bad. I blame the choreography, because I think they all look dumb doing this stupid choreo. Anyway, they demote him too, to 3 stars. 

Next is Yoo Seung Eon, also from Kick It. He seems terrified and his voice is raw. He also gets sent to 3 stars. 

Finally, it’s sickly Han Yu Jin, talking again about how sick and feverish he was. His hyungs took care of him, but when he was talking about how sick he was in his confessional, someone should have intervened and sent him to get some medical care. Jesus FUCK. Of course his performance isn’t fabulous and he gets demoted too. So the whole Kick It team gets sent down to 3 stars. I don't know if it's deserved or not, but I do know it's messed up.

After that, the judges say that the signal test is over -- but it’s not totally over. They seem to have realized after the fact that having two different judging panels wasn’t the fairest method. So, as far as I can tell, the judging panel who didn’t watch the original test reviewed the video tape and then they discussed it more to be fair.

The trainees find out that some of them are going to be re-reassigned, and they're so on edge and miserable that the news hardly affects them anymore.

Zhang Hao, the auburn haired Yuehua leader, says in his halting but excellent Korean that he’ll accept it if his 4 stars gets taken away. He’s so humble -- it seems genuine, too. Mun Jung Hyeon, the raspy rapper from The Real who I find quite charming, represents the other end of the spectrum -- please don’t take my 4 star away! Oh Sung Min, aka Jerome in T01, isn’t above hoping he’ll get promoted to 4 stars. 

The judges announce that Park Min Seok (The Real), Jeon Ho Yeong (Love Scenario), Lim Joon Seo (one of the two boys who came in first), and Yoon Jong Woo (the guy who pretended to kiss Ji Woo) have all been demoted to 1 star. Most had been 2 stars; for Yoon Jong Woo, that’s extra rough, since he started the day as a 3 star. 

Kim Min Hyuk from Lullaby interviews, “they started naming us one by one, and then we all got demoted.” That’s confusing because he himself didn’t get demoted; in fact, he’s wearing a 2 star jersey but is listed as a 3-star, so he must have been promoted. Good for him! 

After that, they finally get to poor sexy Jellyfish Park Gunwook -- he got All Star! Good for him. Also, they decide to promote Seok Matthew to All star too! Good for him, too.

14:13 Signal Song Filming

We're at the filming for the Signal Song. It's one of those big pyramid stages, and naturally the All stars are at the top, and the 0 stars are on the ground. One person on the ground among the 0 stars is overalls Ollie from Yuehua, who has dropped from 3 stars to 0 stars. Oh no! Yuehua kids are not great at learning choreo, I guess. The 0 stars want to be on the stage so badly they just want to tap their feet on it, or touch it with their fingers. Aww. Ma Jing Xing, the handsomest one from Reveal, interviews that he really practiced so much. Bak Do Ha (blue house) interviews that they won’t be seen on the ground. And in their cluster of Chinese speakers on the ground, Wang Yan Hong (Hot) and Ollie agree that they’ll have to prove themselves from the bottom. 

Then the center with the Killing Part gets lifted all the way up on the top stage. Who could the center be? We know it’s either Nation’s sweetheart Sung Han Bin or auburn haired Zhang Hao. (Seems that each contingent voted for their own center.) Who could have won between K and G? Of course it was K, so Hanbin will be the center. 

At 17:45, it's time for filming! The boys all clean up well and look like "real idols." LipJ is filming this on her phone, as if it’s not… being filmed. I do kind of love how she cheers on the 0 stars, though.

I still don’t understand the whole thing with the Signal Song. Do people watch it? I don’t. I’m not sure I’ve ever sat all the way through any of the Signal Songs. But it seems important to the trainees. Maybe it’s popular in Korea.

Anyway, more stuff about how to vote -- feel free to skip ahead, to...

20:39 Hanging Out

The boys all seem to be wearing matching pajamas -- some are kind of a light leaf green (I think that’s the Korean trainees) and some are white with little red dots (I think that’s the global trainees). It’s never addressed or even acknowledged, but there they are, in matching pajamas we've never seen before. They look like nice pajamas, though. I wonder if they’re available for purchase at a store near me?

The boys are just hanging out having a fun time, totally and completely unaware of the cameras, just doing what they would always do. 

A few boys are playing a word game, and they keep cheerfully screwing over Lee Yedam (Gambler). 

Meanwhile, Keita is holding Korean lessons with some of the Japanese trainees. How cute is this shit? I love it. 

His students include Takuto, Haru (he’s the blonde one), and I think Kei from Conduct Zero. 

Others hang out singing, and Kim Hwan Hee from Up10tion comes in to sing with them. The captions imply that he’s drunk, but I doubt that he really is -- where would they get alcohol? 

Others enjoy eating. Wow! Kpop trainees. They’re just like the rest of us. 

Others are exercising, and the camera zooms in on their butts as they do squats, and I’m not sure whose butt that is and if it belongs to a minor or not so I’m just not screencapping it. You do you, MNET, but I’ll be over here. 

As the night wears on, Lee Ye Dam waxes philosophical. “You shouldn’t just be good at singing and dancing here,” he says. But we don’t get to hear what else he thinks you need to do. Other trainees are also thinking about how long they’ve been training. Lee Dong Yeol, better known (maybe) as Xiao in Up10tion, says, “I’ve been doing this for seven years. The moment I thought, what if I can’t get on stage, that’s when I thought I should figure out a way.” Aww.

Oh Sung Min, “Jerome” from T01, says, “I thought I was the only one with stories.” Oh, that’s so sad. We don’t really know what he had been talking about, but I know that the T01 trainees went through some really abusive stuff. I know that no one on this earth is owed a life in show business, but the Kpop industry can be really cruel. 

They get ready for sleep, some of them clutching large stuffies (strong approval on that), some wearing masks to bed, (maybe it helps prevent snoring?), and some with their jersey ready to go in the morning. That yellow one-star jersey says Choi Yujin on it; he was a member of NuNu NaNa and was originally assessed as 3 stars. Awww. 

25:30 Team Making and Song Selection

The next day, they’re brought into a room with two middle school chorus risers in it, and the trainees soon realize that their names, and a number, are written on the risers where they’re each meant to stand, on the riser for their group (K versus G). 

For example, Choi Yujin’s name is shown with the number 18.  Ma Jing Xing, the handsomest one from Reveal, is number 10. Na Kamden is 35. But the lowest numbers in the very front don’t have names on them, and some trainees can’t find their names. Whatever could it mean????

But, as Lee Dong Yeol, better known (maybe) as Xiao in Up10tion, notices, some trainees’ names are missing. And mysteriously, they’re the most popular trainees and/or the ones that have already debuted -- like Dong Yeol himself, Kim Ji Woo (Mr. Sexy BL), Oh Sung Min (“Jerome”),  Nation’s sweetheart Sung Han Bin, and Mirotic’s highly ranked Lee Seung Hwan. Whatever shall they do? 

The doors creak open and the boys freak the fuck out. SOMEONE IS WALKING IN? Through the DOOR????!?!?1?!

Oh, Seo Won has put magenta stripes in his hair. Looks cool. 

Anyway, it’s the most handsome man in the world, Hwang Min Hyun, a man so handsome he walks through a soft glowing mist at all times. 

The show wants you to remember him from Wanna One, but I think of him as a member of Nu’est.

The boys have chills from how handsome he is! He notes that he has been through a survival show like they have (Produce 101 Season 2), and Hui remembers appearing on that show as a master -- but now MinHyun is the master, and Hui feels emotional about that. 

That’s a blonde Hui, with HyunA and E’Dawn/Dawn. The three of them used to be in a special group called Triple H -- check out their song Retro Future. You can skip the rest of this paragraph if you already know about this, but E’Dawn was in Pentagon with Hui too, and HyunA was a soloist. Then people found out that E’Dawn and HyunA had been dating for a long time, and there was a dumb pointless scandal and E’Dawn and HyunA were kicked out of Cube agency and Pentagon suffered and E’Dawn and HyunA suffered and there’s no more TripleH, so I hope you’re all happy now, Cube. 

Having Hui as a trainee when he obviously has so much talent and skill as a producer and songwriter and really should be a master or vocal trainer or producer or something, it makes me livid. It’s still stupid and wrong. 

Anyway. 

We find out that a fancam of the Signal Song performance of each trainee was posted on Youtube, and that the numbers the trainees have just now been given represents their rank in terms of their fancam views. Park Han Bin, with the blue hair, is ranked 19, and interviews that he’s disappointed he wasn’t closer to the top, but he looks fairly happy. We also find out that the trainees who don’t know their numbers yet are in the top 9. And here is that top 9 in order:

Hui

Kim Ji Woo

Seong Hanbin

Lee Da Eul

Lee Seung Hwan

Han Yoo Jin

Cha Woong Gi

Oh Seong Min

Lee Dong Yeol

When Lee Da Eul is announced 4th, Kim Min Seoung (from Nu Nu Na Na) interviews, “He’s not necessarily the best one. So I think he made it to the top with his charm.”  It must be kind of galling to have trained for years and worked on your skills, and then get beaten by a kid with almost no skills who just… is cute. 

Hui is asked how he feels about placing first, and he says, “It made me realize that many people support me,” and bows humbly. 

Then we hear about the top 9 for G-group, and there are some surprises! 

Dang Hong Hai 

Anthonny

Keita

Hiroto

Cong

Jay

Zhang Hao

Ricky

Seok Matthew

Zhang Hao is a little disappointed to have been only 7th, and Na Kamden interviews that he is surprised too. Kamden doesn’t seem to be wearing that pearl necklace anymore, at least in his interview. Maybe it’s tucked under his shirt. 

When Dang Hong Hai is announced as number 1, he can barely believe it.  Everyone else is a bit surprised too, including Hui. 

I had to try to figure out why he won, so I watched the fancam. I guess I don’t really get it, but that’s ok. This comment on the Youtube video seems to summarize the appeal: “Although his dance might not be the best, but I watch his fancam literally everyday because his facial expressions and the vibe he give is just WOW amazing…..this song suits him so well and I’m looking forward to his performance in the show! Fighting!!!!” Also, people seem to like his face visuals. Hey, I never know who will be considered good looking in kpop; I remind you that I think the most handsome member of Exo is probably Chen, so I seem to be out of step with other people. So I can’t comment either way. It’s also worth noting that in some pre-show ranking thing I saw, Hong Hai was ranked 3rd, so I guess it’s not crazy that he would have done well at this point. He’s currently ranked 29, so I guess we’ll see what happens. It would be cool to see more Southeast Asians in Kpop!

Jang Yeo Jun, a GBTB performer who recently dropped from 3 to 2 stars and from 51th to 60th in ranking -- he’s the one who ended up completely breaking down on the phone to his mother last episode -- is excited for his first mission. Me too! I think Yeo Jun is a good dancer, for what it’s worth. 

The first mission is a K vrs G group battle. 

No one seems all that happy about it. 

Anthonny is a study in aggravation. 

Even the K-group trainees aren’t thrilled. 

I think they want it to not be about K vrs G any more, and I don’t blame them. They all probably have friends in the other group and they’re probably sick of being segregated.

Hey, look, it’s Toui! He finally got better from being sick, and I guess he moved up to 1 star. Good for him. He’s ranked 93rd, but you never know, I guess. 

Winnie interviews that he’s ready for the challenge, and oh gosh, I hope he changes that hair color soon. It does him no favors.

It’s pretty standard issue kind of challenge. Each of seven songs will be performed twice, once by a K-group team and once by a G-group team. The audience will vote for the one it liked better, and the winning team will get a benefit. 

During the reaction, we can see that Chen Liang, one of the God’s Menu performers, has dropped from 2 stars to 0 stars, and is currently wearing an eye patch. Poor guy.  Han Seo Bin, one of the Freak rappers, is wearing a scarf around his neck, maybe to keep his throat warm. We also see that he has dropped from 4 stars to 3. 

I was initially confused as to the benefit rules, so here is what Minhyun says:

“To the team that won by getting more votes from Star Creators, 100,000 points will be awarded. After combining each team’s scores, the group that got the higher score will be given 10,000 extra benefit points.” So “team” means “team performing a particular song” and “group” means K-group versus G-group. 

I might be proven wrong on this, but it really seems like a foregone conclusion that K-group will win. Here is my reasoning. (1) The K trainees are generally more skilled, as a group. (2) The G trainees will have a harder time learning the lyrics to the songs, even if they already kind of know the tunes. (3) K trainees all share a language and culture, while G trainees will have serious communication issues and cultural differences, leading to more difficult teamwork. 

I’d be irritated about that 10,000 point benefit being primed for the K-group to have, but I know that 10,000 points won’t really do much. It would be enough to change the outcome for someone who would have one or two spots below the cutoff point, but it won’t save anyone in the basement of the rankings. 

The boys know that, so the producers poke them with a cattle prod (I assume) to get them to say things like this:

The look on Ji Yoon Seo’s face here cracks me up.

Also, one team will get to perform on M countdown, which they all are very excited to do. 

The theme for the songs is “million selling groups.” As Minhyun reveals each song, the boys react as if that group has just walked in the room. Here are the songs: 

Seventeen -- Very Nice Exo - Love Me Right BTS - Danger   NCT Dream - Hot Sauce  Wanna One - Burn It Up  Stray Kids - Back Door  Black Pink - Kill This Love

Lee Da Eul (the shy ham) doesn’t remember Danger, so Lee Seung Hwan (Mirotic) sings a little. 

Minhyun says that Burn It Up -- a song he performed as a member of Wanna One -- is really difficult. I suspect that will be important. 

Cai Jin Xin (Reveal) says, in English, “That’s my favorite song!” when Back Door is announced. 

Krystian jumps up and down when Kill This Love is revealed, and Haruto starts doing the choreo. 

Minhyun says that currently, K group has 47 trainees to G-group’s 48, so to… make it fair…??... they’re setting Kill This Love aside as the song that will have a different number of trainees. K group will perform it with 5, and G-group with 6. I guess the idea is that at least you know what you’re getting into if you purposefully choose Kill This Love. 

If you do the math, you’ll see that all the other groups will have 7 members each. The trainees with the highest rankings in the fancam views will get to choose their teammates. 

Jung Min Gyu, the red house, is sort of resigned to the fact that no one will pick him; Han Yu Seop, a Jellyfish trainee with low ranking, says he’s in a tough spot.

 Keita explains what’s going on to Anthonny, using Korean to do so, which is odd since they both speak Japanese, but I guess that since they’re using Korean so much all day every day it’s just easier to stay in that language. 

37:00 The team making starts

Hui gets to pick first. 

Lim Jun Seo, who walked in first that day with Lee Da Eul and who has dropped from 2 stars to 1 star, interviews that he was sort of hoping that maybe Hui would pick him.  Aww. My little cousin and noted yeller Kum Jun Hyeon jokes in his confessional that he didn’t want to get picked right away, but the editors see eye contact. 

Lee Seung Hwan from Mirotic, who has worked his way up to 3 stars, also wants to get picked. I mean, to be fair, they all do. Every single one of them. 

Hui picks Nation’s sweetheart Sung Han Bin first, and who can blame him? That’s who I would have picked first too, I think, and besides, I think they kind of know each other from being at Cube.

Keita mutters to Anthonny, in Korean, “Even the whole Group G can’t compete with those two.” Aww. 

Then Hui picks exactly the person I would have picked second - Lee Ye Dam, who did that fantastic audition with Gambler. I was muttering it at my computer screen and then it happened! He’s so happy, and the other trainees nod as if to say, of course.  Then Lee Jeong Hyeon, who auditioned with The Real and who, despite his 3 star status, is fairly low ranked. Everyone is really surprised at that, including him! But every team needs a good rapper. Then Oh Seong Min (“Jerome”), who is not who I would have picked at all, but ok. 

After that, it’s Han Seo Bin, who auditioned with Freak -- another rapper.  His friend, Park Ji Hoo, who first met Hui when Hui stole the first place seat, and who also auditioned with Freak, tries to be happy for his friend but is heartbroken and jealous. That must feel just awful. 

Hui’s final pick is the mop haired Kim Gyu Vin, from Kick It, and that’s a decent choice. 

Taken together, this is a pretty strong team. I think Hui didn’t want to pick any noted vocalists since he wanted to make sure to have main vocal on lock. 

Dang Hong Hai now gets to choose his team, and he chooses Anthonny first, which Anthonny seems to have expected, but also is glad about. Then Jay, then Wumuti -- who is a strong vocalist. Then, just after Haruto semi-jokingly suggests they need a good dancer, and why not himself?, Hong Hai picks him! 

Haruto is pretty happy about it. 

Hong Hai also picked Thai idol Winnie,  Haru from Maniac, and one more, though I’m not sure who yet.  

Now it’s time for sexy BL Kim Ji Woo to pick a team, and he picks golden maknae/formerly sickly baby Han Yoo Jin first; then he picks one of my faves, the excellent vocalist from The Real, Kim Tae Rae, whose hair is not quite as floppy as it once was, and whose jersey has one more star on it! Well deserved, Tae Rae!  After that, he picks the underappreciated Ji Yoon Seo from Kick It, who seems profoundly grateful. 

Aww, look how happy Red House Jung Min Gyu is for him! 

When Yoon Seo runs up to his new team, you can see that my little cousin and noted screamer Kum Jun Hyeon is already there. More MNET shenanigans. And the last pick is Yoon Jong Woo, who is the guy who pretended to kiss Ji Woong that time, and who has dropped from 3 stars to 1. I think they’re genuinely good friends and that was a friend move, and/or maybe it’s just to continue the BL storyline….? I prefer to think the former. 

At 42:44, it’s time for good egg Keita to pick a team. (Incidentally, give Blind by Ciipher a chance -- I threw it on my playlist and I like it more and more as I listen to it.)  Keita’s first pick is of course Canada’s pride, Seok Matthew. Next is Wang Zi Hao, the krumper; then auburn haired center Zhang Hao -- good call. He calls Min at some point, though we don’t see it happen (Thai Min performed “Glitch Mode” with Anthonny and Haruto)  and then declares that his team is complete. Everyone freaks out -- it means that he’s choosing “Kill This Love” for his team. Nice, Keita! And no one wants to go up against them.

Blue haired Park Han Bin is bummed, because he wanted to do KTL but not if it means going up against this team of all 3 and 4 star trainees. 

Lee Hwan Hee, the vocalist from Up10tion, interviews, “I really wanted to avoid that team. Just that team!” Oh, subtle editing MNET. I wonder if he’s going to have to go up against them or not? 

Lee Da Eul is up next to pick a team, and he chooses: 

Jeon Woo Seok -2 stars, had been 0; ranked 72; Criminal (barefoot)  Jung I Chan - 2 stars all the way; ranked 55th; Mirotic (also, he was on I-Land)  Kim Min Hyuk - 3 stars,  had been 2; ranked 82; Lullaby  Choi Ji Ho - 2 stars all the way; ranked 58; Mmmmh Lee Seung Hwan - 3 stars, had been 2; ranked 16;  Mirotic  Lim Jun Seo - 1 star, had been 2; ranked 21; Replay 

He explains that he wanted to pick those who had been kind to him when he was trying so hard to learn the choreography for the Signal Song, as a way of showing his gratitude to them. I get it, and it’s so sweet, but I’m not sure if creating a team of mostly 2 stars is setting any of them up for a win. Still, they don’t have any 0 stars, and maybe they’ll present a sort of uniform team with a matching vibe that might look nice all together. Also, maybe Da Eul knows that he can shed a little of his popularity onto them, by letting the world know that these are the people who were kind to him? 

Side note: I am so glad to see that Jeon Woo Seok has been raised to 2 stars. I think it was horrible of the judges to put him in 0 stars for his performance of Criminal. It was…. Ok, I’ll say it: it was a crime. 

From here, the show moves into lightening round. We see a brief glimpse of a team featuring Cong; another with Red House Jung Min Gyu, another with Ricky and Krystian; another with Park Hanbin and Bak Do Ha. Dong Keon is the chooser for whatever team he’s on. 

Sexy Jellyfish Park Gunwook is the only 4 star who hasn’t been called yet, and people are surprised. He’s a 4-star, and an all ‘rounder, and relatively popular. I theorize that perhaps he’s a bit, for lack of a better word, “bossy”? That’s a good thing and a bad thing, you know? I’m not criticizing him or anything. I suffer from the same affliction. 

So now there’s some MNET editing shenanigans. Lee Hwan Hee, the excellent vocalist from Up10tion who hasn’t really been showing his excellence and has fallen down to 1-star, gets called up as the next most popular trainee who hasn’t already been chosen. He picks his team, and only AFTER he picks the team do we find out what exactly has been going on. Essentially, what happened is this: While the Global trainees were picking their team, Park Gunwook sussed out that Lee Hwan Hee was the next one to be called to pick a team. Gunwook also knew that so far, no one had stopped at just 5 trainees, which meant that either this team, or the next, would have to do Kill This Love,  going up against a very strong G team. Gunwook made a plan: Hwanhee would pick certain trainees, including Gunwook and two of his teammates from Jellyfish and GBTB, and they would do Kill This Love. It was a way of controlling their fate, at least a little.

He and his fellow Jellyfish pressure Hwanhee into agreeing to the plan, even though Hwanhee didn’t initially want to do that song at all. 

“To be honest, I can’t dance,” Hwanhee says. 

“That’s ok,” Gunwook says. "You can hide behind me." 

So, per the plan, in addition to our sexy Jellyfish, Hwanhee picks: 

Hong Keon Hee: He’s 18, he auditioned with Nunu Nana, and while he’s ranked pretty low (he’s at 87th place) and overtly ignored by MNET editors, he has been a 3 star trainee the whole time. Most likely, Gunwook probably got to know his skills when they were three stars together.  

Han Yoo Seop and Jang Yeo Joon: Both Jellyfish trainees, they both used to be in 3 stars and have fallen to 2 stars.  Gunwook probably knows and trusts their skills, and besides, he didn’t want to leave his teammates behind. Aww. 

The trainees are all hyped up about this face off, and Ji Yoon Seo (who was so happy to be picked earlier) says, “With these members, it’s already over.” I’m genuinely not sure which team he thinks will win.

Minhyun asks Hwanhee how it came to pass that Hwanhee picked 3 Jellyfish trainees, and that’s when we see a flashback showing Gunwook’s machinations. Hey, I approve. Gunwook’s like a general in the midst of war. I think I have to stop calling him Sexy Jellyfish and start calling him General Gunwook. 

And then, those not chosen were the official leftovers teams. 

Jeon Ho Young, who auditioned with Love Scenario, says he was “a bit disappointed.” 

Dong Dong, from team Tiger Inside, says, “I felt abandoned, maybe? I’m embarrassed.”  

I always feel so bad for the leftovers. 

At 48:35, Minhyun announces that the teams have to pick their songs, and then there’s a pointless sequence I’m not going to bother to recap, in which they pick their songs. Highest ranks choose first, I guess to prevent injuries, so the leftover teams will also get the leftover song. After the teams pick their song, they go the room for that song. Whoever gets there first inevitably hides and jumps out to scare whoever gets there second, and everyone overplays their reactions to get camera time. Hilarious, never been done!

Here’s all that’s really of note: 

It is kind of funny that Hui’s team (of first chosen K-trainees) ends up facing off against Hong Hai’s team (of first chosen G-trainees), since both choose Love Me Right. 

We see that the charming Dance Captain of the No Stars, Oujo, has risen up to 2-stars! Yay! 

The K-group of leftovers gets stuck with Burn It Up, which is apparently the most difficult song. It’s known for the part where Kang Daniel shows his abs. So, this happens, when a staff member is interviewing poor Park Gwan Young from Lullaby:

And from 54:50 on, we’re heading into practice territory, so that's enough for this recap.

What I've done is I've created a main post for episodes 3-4 and all the various performances. If you click on that, it'll give a general description of the whole mission. enjoy!

[allkinds-oftrash]

The Crown S5E1 Commentary:

Non-Spoiler Gist - It was a good first episode, I am mixed about some of the casting but I'm going to chalk it up to the transitional period of it and I just need to get used to them. I was really surprised about the new Prime Minister.

Spoilers Under The Cut:

The way I got so emotional seeing Claire Foy again as Lizzie 🥺🥺

The transitional scenes crack me up I dunno why it just feels very meta

This report feels like an lie - who in the WORLD thinkd he's modern, young and empathetic??? OH COS DI WOULD BE QUEEN SJKSKDJD Ahhh the second honeymoon is a PR stunt yikes

I don't know how I feel about Elizabeth's Diana. Like obviously she's older and jaded so the vibe is different I dunno something feels off

Charles and Diana are being friendly??? Oh there he is Chucky being a dick

Awee babey Harry AWWW THE BOYS WANTING TO GO SHOPPING WITH THEIR MOM

It's all a lie Lizzie they aren't a happy couple at all.

Johnathan's voice as Phillip is SO OFF It needs to be steeper "A replacement" Lmao they're not talking about the boat anymore

Ohmygod they're playing Mariah!! I love that Diana is having the time of her life with her boys as she should!

Oop the article is coming I need to find this paper

Oooh is that the new Anne?? I kinda miss Erin already hdkdjd

What is so damming about this article omg Don't say no to Anne lmao do you want to die sir Lmaooo she's gonna see it eventually they can't hide it from her forever LOL THEY WENT TO PHILLY FIRST DJDKDKD Despite my issues with him, I do love his devotion to Lizzie

Not Chucky planning a pseudo coup ndndjd

Okay the new Anne has the voice down I need her more snappy This moment between mother and daughter is cute I'll give them that. Oh helloooo Tim hahaha

"How come I never noticed" "Cos you're married" LMAO I'm shook the guy playing Tim looks just like him

Not Charles and his pseudo coup Him complementing the PM sjdkdkk yall are boring white dudes calm down Lmaooo "It's instinct for renewal and it's willingness to make way for someone younger" Are we thinking of the same Conservative Party Chucky??? Chucky you're not Edward though. God the delusion of this man

Leslie is a vibe as Margaret But I swear the Queen Mother looks like a new person every time dkdjdkd

Lmao Lizzie is sussing them out Damn Martin is hot?? Granted all the Martins were shsjks I NEED to find this article and I wanna know what the journalist was on lmao

HE'S SIPPING HIS TEA LMAO after she told him abt the article Jesus she is NOT asking for funding for a ship?? Yesss Johnny tell her I'm very conflicted by John Majors he's so right in both of these convos but he's also a TORY 🤢🤢

Lizzie you sound like a spoilt rich person please shut up "Service I've given this country" 🤡🤡🤡 Okay Lizzie okay.

Hohoho Dominic West in a kilt??? He's an asshat for cheating on his wife but damn does he look good

Philly shouldn't be going this hard on a ship

John Majors is gonna be the Royal Fam's babysitter and therapist this season it's so funny please. John Majors is so right in this episode I can't even Peter Morgan HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME AGREE WITH A TORY

Literally me agreeing with everything John's been saying this ep:

[mikichko]

YOU READ MY MIND ABOUT IT STARTING AS A WAY TO CALM ZACH AND TO SHOW HIM YOU CARE ABOUT HIM EVEN WHEN YOU ARENT HIS TEACHER!!!!!!! It’s so cute, I’m screaming. You’re just doing so much to show Zach you care for *him* and that this relationship isn’t going to change that, and Ghoap is just trying not to go heart insane and breed you so you’ll have more people to tax at red lights. They’re so sickly in love with you already, and doing things like the kiss tax makes them feel like they’re bursting with it but they have to keep it in so they don’t scare you off. You’re the best thing that’s happen to Zach since he’s been adopted, been the best thing for them since they adopted Zach, and they are just so desperate to show that to you without scaring you off.

Ghoap have a special text thread that is just them scream texting about how amazing you are and how much they love you. You do something cute and they are just in the background texting back and forth “what the fuck” “what the actual fuck” “she’s so cute” “how can she be that perfect? What the fuck”

i swear to god our braincells are just Bluetooth connected and wiggling at the same cadence cause this is exactly what I was thinking!!!

i mean off the bat it's your shared love for zach and his growth that brings you together. like to have someone championing for their son and caring for him in a way that no one else has really tugs are their hearts, no matter how big and burly they are. simon in particular has such a soft spot for this boy. he'd been so nervous when they first got him, thought he was going to continue the cycle his father had started but we know he's a better man. and he does his best to do right by zach. so seeing you be so kind with him made this familiar warmth bloom in his chest. johnny's already half in love with you when he first meets you, is even more pleased when he finds out you're zach's teacher. i think the thing that really got him going was you jumping to zach's defense during that one meeting. like that??? yeah he was ready to go all in after that.

all this to say that yeah your priority is showing zah he's loved, always. which feed into ghoap's love even more and the kiss tax is the perfect way to ease the way for them to start showing off their love physically. lord knows that soap has a mouth on him so you're well aware how he feels about you. you're very familiar with simon's silent gazes now and know exactly what they mean. but this threshold regarding physicality being breached just means that soap can now pin you up against the wall in the laundry room to press kisses before you have to go back to the boys. or simon leaning down to kiss you against the breakfast counter as a thank you for making his tea perfectly. cuddle puddles on the couch watching movies together, zach was a huge fan of live action clifford. just so much :)

also ofc they have to control themselves because they want to give you another baby soooo bad. like they'd been debating with zachy around, if they would adopt another but then bam you show up and it's just like, dams broken. all they can think about is how you'd look with zach hugging himself to one hip and a baby on the other. like it drives them insane, something they hadn't experienced before. not even with previous female partners. like it's a little concerning how strong the feeling is for simon, will turn to soap who is more than happy to help him before they even proposition the idea to you. or you to them, mutual thing feels like.

the text thread bit is so funny because my first thought when I was thinking of the concept was johnny picking zach up from school and just shooting a text to simon like: you seen zachy's miss? and simon just responding pretty as a peach, isn't she? and it just slowly delving into them trying to figure out how to court you to debauchery to cute pictures and updates of the great things they've been doing. full on spectrum of things.

nonnie... what are you doing to me. i could literally yap about this for hours

[jessiescock]

lion king franchise media only works if the lions are sexy. the cg realism takes were always destined to be dogshit bc they don’t seem to understand this core principle. Allow me to illustrate my point:

now the first movie is obviously very good, the lions are very sexy. so many characters who inspired a sexual or romantic awakening for their hordes of devoted fans. phenomenal movie, not exactly a hot take i know.

now the second movie tho, many ppl really like it even tho it is pretty bland and forgettable on its own, and very bad in its function as a sequel. that doesn’t matter tho because everyone wants to fuck Kovu. Everyone loves this awful movie bc they’re so got dam horny for the edgy hot topic emo lion. I would even argue that horny kovu fans are this movie’s most notable long-term impact on pop culture. So while it’s not a particularly outstanding film, it’s reasonably popular in its own right, fondly remembered by many, and did manage to have at least some kind of lasting cultural impact. all thanks to the sexy lion.

There isn’t really much to say about the third movie. it’s not even 80 minutes long, most people probably don’t even know it exists. I would say that it’s stupid and unnecessary and that no one asked for a Timon and Pumbaa backstory, but the scenes about them parenting Simba are actually really cute and funny and heartwarming and i’m glad that we have those. Once again, the sexy lion (im talking about adult simba here!!!) saves the otherwise pretty unremarkable movie from irrelevance and disdain. We’re starting to see a pattern emerge here.

Ok what else is there. There’s the Timon and Pumbaa TV show from the 90s. I gotta admit i didn’t really watch much of that, but i’ve been told that it’s funny. I also know they have Simba show up sometimes. Put a pin in that.

Ofc i can’t not mention the absolutely phenomenal live action version that offers a refreshing new take on a beloved classic: the stage musical. absolutely phenomenal both as a piece of theatre and as an adaption no notes. Ofc the lion characters in this one are also very sexy. With these last two examples tho it’s starting to look like the sexy lions are not necessarily the sole reason for lion king media to be good, but there’s definitely a connection here.

I didn’t watch Lion Guard because it’s a show for babies, but i know several kids who really like the show and it seems to be successful enough. Here again we have Simba being present as a character, and while I don’t have any hard evidence on this one I’m willing to bet that there’s a substantial amount of kids who have/had a crush on Kion. So I’ll say this one also fits into my theory here.

The stupid fucking 2019 CG remake exists purely as an afterthought to the original 1994 movie and has zero redeeming qualities. All the characters including the lions look absolutely awful. They don’t even look that realistic, like have you ever seen a real lion? they look a million times cooler than those awful soulless beasts. Understandably enough I have not seen anyone being even remotely horny for those vile creatures. And that’s quite a remarkable feat considering they got fuckin Beyoncé and Donald Glover as Nala and Simba. I think if they’d just used footage of real lions and let them do a voiceover over that, there would have been some freaks who get off on that. Maybe there’s someone out there who wants to fuck CG Simba, but as someone who seeks out a lot of lion king content and spent way too much time hatereading reactions to the 2019 movie, i have thankfully never encountered them. This awful awful movie may have brought in a lot of money to its greedy corporate overlords, but it has had zero cultural impact. Sure when it was announced and eventually released everyone had a lot to say about it (mostly about how much it fucking sucked) but as soon as the novelty wore off everyone just forgot about it. I have watched this movie and there’s not a single scene from it that i can even remotely clearly recall. There were some memes about how awful it all looked when it was new but those all quickly went away again. I don’t think there’s anyone who enjoys this movie without at least some kind of connection to the original. Yea it made a lot of money and stirred up some controversy but now 5 years later no one gives a shit about it anymore. and there’s no sexy lions anywhere to be found.