#they’re relationship is after all built on lies and violence

[aaandbackstabbed]

Daisy: if I fall…

Donald: I’ll be there to catch you

Scrooge: *watches interaction*

Scrooge: and if I fall-

Goldie: I’ll be the one to have pushed you

[badgerhuan]

there is no hero in barry

(leave judgement and real life morality out of this. we’re not here for that. this show is exploring themes in heightened exaggerated scenarios and it deserves to be analyzed through those lenses)

no, Barry is not the hero. he’s a violent, self-persevering, rageful person who is also grappling with PTSD and depression, deferring to the point of self sabotage, and desperate to be loved.

no, Sally is not the hero. she’s a manipulative, selfish, veering on emotionally abusive person who is also struggling with PTSD and trauma with being abused, tending to fall into old patterns, and desperate to be seen.

Barry will kill people to avoid being caught. Sally will throw people under the bus and ruin their lives to get what she wants. in the show there’s a clear parallel of their arcs, especially starting from season 2.

they both tried, so hard, to break out from their comfort zones to live a better life. ultimately, they both failed. Barry tried to leave the life of violence, one that he was encouraged and groomed into, and in the end fell right back into it, only realizing what he had done after the fact. Sally tried to live her truth, to walk out of the cocoon of lies she’d weaved around herself to protect herself from her trauma, and in the end went right back into it, only realizing what she had done after the fact. when they were both confronted with the chance to better themselves, they both rejected it, out of rage, out of fear, out of emotional responses that neither of them have learned to control.

they both ended up doing what neither of them wanted.

and now, they’re both trapped in the cage they built for themselves.

Barry is now trapped in his violence, in his darkness, and he’s deeply convinced that there’s no alternative for him. he’s more violent than ever, because that’s all he’s ever been good for. he defers entirely to Sally, doing everything and anything she tells him to, at the same time never telling her a shred of truth about himself.

he can’t make sense, then, of why he doesn’t want to kill Gene. he has to (he doesn’t). he should. why can’t he? it must be because his purpose is to help Gene, and in turn find forgiveness for himself, even if he’s going to do it in the worst way possible, the only way he knows how.

and that desperation has driven him to break the unhealthy status quo he’d formed with Sally.

Sally is now trapped in her lie, in her Braveheart story, and she can’t get enough of the praise and power that came with it. she’s more manipulative of others than ever, because twisting the truth into something that benefits her is what made it work. she has all the control in her relationship with Barry, has him at her beck and call, and at the same time never pay attention to how Barry is doing.

she can’t make sense, then, of why Barry snapped at her brushing him off. there were no signs (there were). she doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to understand. she just wants it to stop. she tries to get it to stop, in the worst way possible, the only way she knows how.

they’re not on the same page. they’ll never be able to meet each other halfway. Barry stays with Sally because he loves an idealized version of Sally that he put on a pedastal, blind to her flaws until he tries to ask for her help. Sally keeps Barry around because she likes the power she has over him, blind to his feelings and nature until he quite literally forces her to acknowledge it. they’re bringing out the worst in each other, either Sally is in absolute control and Barry’s left deferring to her, or Barry is in complete rage and Sally’s left appeasing him. she can’t love him. he can’t see her.

both are morally corrupt and deeply, deeply flawed human beings. both show signs of neurodivergence and mental illness that need support and healing. both need help.

they’re not going to get it from each other. they’re both headed for destruction.  they’re both going to crash.

we can’t look away.

[itsanerdlife]

A Really Bad Idea 2

Pairing: Fighter!Howie Stark x Writer!Reader

Warnings: Lies, secrets, cheating, scandal, criminal history, spice, obsessed Fangirl, violence, anger, and honestly no idea cause I’m not finished writing this just yet.

There is no such thing as an instant spark. In books, sure. Real life? Not so much. Till I met the perfect stranger. It honestly was a case of mistaken identity in my own panicked state. I didn’t mean to grab a strangers hand. I just needed to avoid my ex and his shiny new fiancee. I never planned on the stranger kissing me. I sure as hell didn’t plan for the stranger to by my friends brother. It never was in the cards for me to find someone else after what my ex did to me. Especially a Fighter with a closed off past. I’m struggling to write my book and move on with my life, but what do I do when he comes in and starts changing things for me. But the thing my ex taught me people aren’t who they say they are, what if Howie isn’t who he says he is?

Restocking the table, making sure the stacks are neat. Grabbing an extra marker; you know just in case. Smiling to myself, my table complete, perfect.

Love N Vegas is a meet and greet for authors from around the world. Nat called it comic con for book lovers. She wasn’t exactly off about it. Some readers even showed up dressed in apparel or like their favorite characters. Okay it was basically comic con for novel readers.

“So, you’re Y/N.” A voice behind me, turning around.

He’s tall, well built, with a pretty smile, and the kindest of deep brown eyes. His hands tucked into the pockets of his pants. His button down unwrinkled, the sleeves rolled, exposing toned forearms.

“I am.” Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Sam Wilson.” He steps forward putting out his hand. Shaking it, smiling.

“Oh right. We talked, you’re in my readers group.” I nod.

“Guilty. But your series is addicting.” He grins.

“Your secret is safe with me. If you promise to not tell anyone, I own four of the five of your series.” Grinning at him.

“Oh, that’s fair. I’ll take it to the grave.” He chuckles.

“Didn’t know you were coming to Vegas.” Looking around.

“Well you’re not in my reader group.” He flashes a smile.

“Damn. Bad fan.” I wince.

“Join me for a coffee? Maybe I can overlook it, if we can talk shop.” He shrugs.

“Okay, but I’m not giving you any spoilers.” I smile.

“Damn.” He chuckles. The two of us falling into step with each other as we head for the little coffee shop close by. “So, is this your first?” He wonders.

“No, like fourth I think, maybe fifth.” I nod.

“Then maybe you can show me around.” He smiles, ushering me into the shop.

“I think that would be a lot of fun.” I agree.

The two of us order, taking our cups to a table. He’s sweet, kind, smart. So why is the perfect stranger still lingering in the back of my mind. It was a one in a million chance of I’d ever find him again, I shouldn’t be dwelling on him. Not when I could give someone standing in front of me, my attention.

“Alright, you have to tell me. Why only four of the five?” Sam chuckles.

“Oh no.” Sighing, smiling at my To Go cup. “I hate, Adam’s character.” I admit wincing.

“Really?” He laughs. “Why is that?” He sips from his cup.

“He’s so honest with his friends. I love that, that even after they’ve left the army, the classified group they were in. They’re all still connected.” Nodding slowly.

“But?”

“But I hate that he admits he’s no longer in love with his girlfriend, but he can’t man the fuck up and leave her. He instead waits till it’s too late and he’s not just breaking her heart and ending their relationship. He’s leaving for someone else. He’s in love with another woman.” Sighing heavily.

“The boarder line cheating. Emotional cheating.” He nods.

“My ex left me, for someone else. Guess it just hits home for me.” Shrugging a shoulder.

“Really? You? Wow.” He sips his coffee, brows raised.

“What?” A small laugh on my lips.

“I’m just wondering if your ex is suffering from brain damage.” He chuckles.

“It’s fine. I’m actually very over it.” I assure him.

“Kill him off in a book.” He smirks.

“Oh that’s a good idea.” I grin.

The two of us slip into easy conversation. Books, coffee, writing. It’s rather soothing to find someone who understands the life we live. Someone who understood, specially since I haven’t been able to write my final book still.

-------

“Sam!”  Calling over the conversation of the Cocktails and Authors, in the bar. Gwen’s hand held mine as we moved between people.

“Hey!” He smiles, hugging me.

“This is my friend Gwen. Part of my team.” I introduce them. “Gwen, Sam.”

“Nice to meet you.” Sam shakes her hand.

“Y/N told me all about you. I’ve read your books.” She smiles.

“I’m flattered, but I got nothing on the Queen here.” He grins.

“Bitch is damn good. I swear I’m constantly hanging off each page she sends.” They laugh.

“Can I get you a drink?” He offers.

“Please.” I smile.

“He’s cute.” Gwen whispers close to my ear.

“Right?” I smile at her.

“Alright.” Sam’s handing over glasses to us. “Let’s find seats so the Queen’s fangirls can come up to her.” He chuckles.

“They get so excited even though she plays with their feelings!” Gwen shakes her head.

“I’m in her reader group, I know.” He chuckles, the three of us moving towards a section of couches.

Once more, falling into easy, fun conversation with Sam. Fans, friends, and good drinks. It was more fun than I’d originally planned for. Sam Wilson was more fun to be around than I had expected, he had away with making me laugh and live in the moment.

Sam insisted on at least walking us to the elevator. When I assured him we’d both be okay to get to our room. But he refused to hear excuses, instead just walked with us. Both having a good buzz and the slight giggles.

When the elevator arrives, Gwen is the first on. Turning to Sam a smile on my lips. He leans in, pressing a kiss to my cheek. Flushing red, stumbling into the elevator.

“Goodnight ladies.” He smiles, the doors close.

“Oh!” Gwen draws it out, giggling. My hands cover my face as I laugh to myself.

--------------

We didn’t see Sam at the goodbye breakfast. Gwen and I are on the first flight out after. Standing in the aisle, next to my seat. Attempting to shove my bag into the overhead compartment.

A new hand appears, pushing it all the way in for me. It’s the downfall to being short, that was for sure. When I look up to thank the stranger, familiar dark eyes are watching me.

“Sam?” I grin.

“You look like you needed some help there.” He chuckles, shutting the compartment.

“Wait, what are you doing on this plane?” My brow pinches.

“I live in the same state, Y/N.” He grins, slipping past me.

“Right. Of course, you do.” Nodding, taking my seat.

“Everyone wants to have dinner and drinks when we get back. Should we invite Sam?” Gwen grins, looking up from her phone.

“I mean, yeah. He’s fun.” I nod.

“Oh, you can finally meet Peter’s brother.” She adds, going back to texting.

“Oh right, yeah that’ll be nice.” I smile at her

[hylaversicolor]

ok i actually DO have a coherent ocelot thought now which pertains to his and kaz’s relationship, but also how kaz and huey are sort of foils in that they both do terrible things but rationalize their actions to themselves, albeit for different reasons. after huey’s trial they’re watching him leave in the boat and kaz says something like “he’s gonna get away with all of this” (disgusted) to which ocelot replies

“no. one day he’ll see through the lies he’s built up - realize what kind of man he really is. what goes around comes around. you can’t run from yourself forever.”

but he’s very clearly referring to kaz here. and it kinda kills me bc ocelot has this perspective on the whole getting revenge for mother base thing that kaz never quite gets, at least not in mgsv. ocelot is a liar and hides himself behind multiple personas and alliances but to paraphrase the prelude pathétique...the lie of it all is much more honest, because he invented it. at this point in his life ocelot is at peace with the antagonistic role he is fated to play by aligning himself with big boss, because it’s something he chose for himself. meanwhile kaz lost so much with the fall of mother base, and at the same time, he does morally reprehensible things in the name of revenge, but he’s hurting so bad that he just does not see that yet, because he feels like he has no choice but to take revenge. like what do you even do when your identity is intrinsically tied to violence? when you take that away, what are you?? ocelot was raised from birth to hold those kind of thoughts at a distance, but kaz is waist deep in it right now and can’t see the forest for the trees.

[hallowghoul]

⌠ charles melton. 26, bisexual, cismale, he/him. ⌡ wait a minute, is anthony ‘tony’ costa still in town? i thought i saw a flash of (white lies laced in an optimistic tone, deep scars with a long story, the subtle smell of mahogany teakwood)! last i heard they were working as a criminal defense lawyer nearby. when it’s the (cancers)’s birthday on july 1st i forget that they’re foreboding and celebrate that they’re loyal i hear 2009 by mac miller every time i think of them. ⌿ i have no self control+ ⍀

tw pertaining to: implied murder, violence, anything to do with organized crime

Age: 26 Birthday: july 1st Zodiac sign:  cancer Sexual Orientation: bisexual Relationship Status: single Occupation: criminal defense lawyer Positive Traits: loyal, determined, swift, intelligent, cunning Negative Traits: irrational, over protective, defensive, impatient Aesthetics: 1971 chevrolet vega repaired to prestine condition, half buttoned up dress shirt with rolled up sleeves and a bloodstain on the collar, old italian heritage laced with secrecy and pure loyalty, a kindred soul wrapped in barbed wire, a thick new york accent laced in a cheshire cat smile

born & raised on the coast of italy to michael & nari costa in a small town; monte isola

was the eldest of two with his baby sister gia being born just two years after him

the family uprooted from their coaster paradise and moved to manhattan, new york to assimilate with his father’s side of the family

michael’s father, georgio costa, is the modern god father of one of new york’s most infamous italian mafia’s, the costa family

the family consists of a group of drug smuggling, arms dealing and erratic men built on loyalty and deep history in new york city 

tony’s father took on the role of an arms dealer, and his grandfather’s right hand man. tony had plenty of cousins that he admired, looked up to. his favorite being nathaniel. 

he clung to his cousins side as a child, watching him grow and fall into the family line, he had always wanted to be like nate

when it came time, however, tony was far from ready. he’d grown up to be a bit of a goofball, he was gentle, kind, never had a bad rapport at school. he simply wasn’t an angry man

this all changed when his father decided tony was ready to get involved, to get his hands dirty, he forced tony into the trade, made him start from the ground up

he started with enforcing, chasing the money the family needed to collect and then he was a dealer, shipping guns back and forth through the hudson, then it got worse

tony was tasked in some horrendous activities, beating men up who owed, men who crossed the family, anyone the “don” wanted roughed up, or “taken care of”

he earned his families trust and admiration but this resulted in tony losing himself. he doesn’t quite recognize his own reflection. 

he gradually earned his bachelors, then his masters and then he became a prestigeous criminal defense lawyer, one of the best in the family

tony worked magic in the court house, getting a large portion of his family’s associates out of prison on technicalities

he was too good at his job, some might say, and this ended up catching up to him

after coming home late one night from working a case tony was ambushed by a few guys hired to take him out, some say it was an inside job, some say it was the NYPD. 

nonetheless tony was sent to centralia to lay low and wait for the heat to drop off his back

has been in town just under a year, so he’s pretty settled and traversed in the local townsfolk though he sticks out like a sour thumb

TRAITS

incredibly kind, charismatic, bold. tony does a great job at separating himself between reality and his world, he can shift his mood with a snap of a finger

doesn’t speak about his family or much about his life, he’s incredibly reserved in that regard but he knows how to keep his composure

despite his darkened past he is still akin to a golden retriever, he just wants to make everyone around him happy 

bought a 3 bedroom house on the outskirts of town and can be found at the bar most nights, he’s considering a real-estate interest in building up a new night club, the logistics are fuzzy

[thirstystarkey]

HATE CAN SOUND LIKE LOVE • JJ MAYBANK

Summary: JJ and Y/N have always fought, since everyone can remember. They both have short tempers and a endless love for surf and chaos. But what happens when they have to pretend to be a couple? Well.. people always said that hate can sound like love sometimes.

Warnings: Mention of underage drinking, drugs, minor violence, some smutty scenarios and a ton of sexual induendos, JJ being a hot idiot and Y/N a wild girl brat

CHAPTER 13

JJ 🏄🏼‍♂️: Come outside vertically challenged

The buzz from the text message caught Y/N attention, it was a calm afternoon, she had just finished her lunch and was appreciating her time alone, the pogues had nothing planned for today so she thought everyone was doing there own thing. That until her phone proved her otherwise.

She texted JJ why to which he was pretty quick to respond a simple “just come outside”, and she did after putting on her black combat boots. Most of the times Y/N wore dresses and war boots like JJ called them or vans.

“Finally!” JJ complained for the two minute wait.

“I’m staring to think you’re the one who actually misses me.” Y/N stated leaning into the door frame. “Can’t spend a day without me now can you JJ?”

“I wanna show you something.” He said. “Take you somewhere.”

“A date?” She asked playfully crocking her brows.

“If you want it can be a date.” JJ laughed. “Now, will you give me the pleasure to join me in this lovely day?” The blue eyed boy tried his best at politely asking her out which made both laugh.

JJ and Y/N walked calmly side by side, at a pleasant rythem. The soft summer breeze blowing through them like a kind gesture of affection from Mother Earth. Their hands brushed against each other a couple of times making both of them blush at the sudden touch. Holding hands was such a innocent yet intimate share of affection that left both of them speechless. Never in a million years would Y/N thought about how’d it felt to hold JJ’s hand or how is soft hot skin felt against hers but since the slightest touch that thought hadn’t leave her mind. She didn’t understood why and she was too headstrong to not fight it, but fighting the urge to hold his hand was eating her alive from the inside out. JJ felt the same thing as well.

“Hmm..” JJ wanted to talk but it seemed like the words got stuck in his throat. “Can I or do you mind if I do this?” He questioned softly brushing his fingers with hers to get a feel of her reaction, Y/N smiled shyly and JJ held her hand from that moment on.

“Where are you taking me?” The girl asked JJ after a moment of just walking in each other presence, which turned to be actually enjoyable.

“It’s a surprise miss.” He winked. “We’re almost there don’t worry.”

JJ planned to take Y/N to a rather secret and calm place down the shoreline, where a abandoned small ship layed to rest and rot. In the warm shallows of a mellow sea lies the wreckage of the ship, once the proud possession of a rich merchant hundreds of years ago. She's in a slightly roughened condition, but bigger and bigger holes do start to appear. It's a quiet, watery grave, but , for better or worse, a wide range of corals adorn her. In turn, many small creatures live among and around the corals. It was a beautiful sight to see. JJ found it his safe space away from everyone. That boy never felt really safe throughout his whole life, but one day out of luck he found it, exploring the shoreline beyond where no one usually went. It seemed like another dimension, so quietly and peaceful away from the nosy beach and harsh waves, Y/N had never been there before even though she lived there her entire life. Her mouth fell open with the view.

“How long has this been here?” She asked JJ still surprised.

“Ever since I can remember.” He said. “I’ve always loved this place.”

“I can see why.” She smiled mersmerized but by everything.

“Come sit.” He grabbed her hand again to pull Y/N in the direction of a small life guard house who by the looks of it seemed pretty much abandoned as well. The soft white paint fading gradually as the years went by.

Sitting down by the makeshift balcony, with legs swaying in the air freely they rested. The ocean air embracing them in a tranquil atmosphere. JJ looked at her, watching carefully. Y/N had her eyes closed with a soft expression, lips curls upwards and hair flowing wild into the wind, her curls looked like golden feathers and her white dress made her look like an angel in JJ’s most deep thought. She looked beautiful. Her full lips slightly parted glistening with the rays of sunshine in a reddish shine shade, her soft breaths. JJ knew she felt at home near the water, the ocean being her second home and it was one of the most pleasant things to experience.

“I can feel you.” Y/N opened one eye slightly, due to the sun, looking at JJ.

“Don’t thing to much of yourself.” He ramble crossing his arms, like a child.

Y/N laughed, admiring him. JJ was one of the most beautiful boys she has ever seen, if not the most, even thought she’d never admit it to him not wanting to bust his ego even more. His features seemed to be esculpited by the greek gods, with such delicacy it was impressive and hypnotizing for anyone who looked his way, but that along with his temper for chaos and taunting Y/N made him untouchable. Almost forbidden, until now. At least until he showed himself truly to her and in the last few days her world took a 360° turn about him.

“I like it.” Y/N whispered getting closer.

“You do?” He asked her. “What more do you like?” JJ cupped her jaw on his hand, gently.

Y/N shrugged her shoulders, making the sleeves of her dress fall a bit more down her shoulders, looking suggestively at him. Her thoughts seemed irrational but she couldn’t look away from his lips. All the built up, all the tension throughout the years seemed like it was swallowing them, like a black hole collapsing.

Once her eyes slowly drifted up to his, who was already lost in her wondering gaze, it was over. His lips caught hers in a hard kiss, driving them apart with the force of it. There was nothing gentle once they’re lips met, she felt his hands hugging her sides, tugging on the fabric of her dress to pull her even closer to his body.

Every thought in Y/N’s head exploded to a pure, pounding white like the foam of the waves crashing in front of them, she felt the dark curl of desire begin to twist inside her, burning her soul as it spread across her body. Bending all her rules about JJ Maybank, she tried to gather her last bit of willpower to pull away one last time.

“No.” He said, bringing his lips back to hers. It was different from the previous kiss, more delicate and soft. His lips brushed against her parted ones, tongues touching slightly, which earned a low groan from the back of his throat, making Y/N give in into his arms. She didn’t want to fight her urge anymore so the red headed girl kissed him back hungrily, pulling on his open shirt to press him closer.

They stayed like that enough time to lose their breaths, pulling away just to grasp for air. Y/N didn’t recall sitting on his lap with both legs on each side of his hips, but there she was. JJ’s hands held her face on each side, caressing her pink cheeks with his rough thumbs. They had never gotten so lost in a kiss before, their foreheads touched and the tip of their noses brushed against each other, out of breath still they looked into each other’s eyes, deep into it.

Y/N’s chest moved rapidly and her hands wonder from his neck down to his chest, finding a place to rest. And then in a second the space between them exploded on more time when their lips touched again, this time like their lives depended in each other touches. JJ’s hands moved from her face to her hips, squeezing her into him which made Y/N whine into his lips. Her heart missed a couple beats, it seemed like her hands couldn’t bring him close enough for her liking.

JJ tasted her stawberry chapstick in his mouth, realizing that was what he’s been starving. JJ had kissed a million times before but non felt like these, it didn’t consume the boy alive or burned his soul. It didn’t left JJ wanting more and at the moment he couldn’t get enough of her.

Maybe it lasted a minute or maybe it lasted a hour, time almost stopped to them. All they knew was that, that kiss seemed to last forever in a ethereal moment, even the waves calmed down, breaking peaceful into the sand. Her soft skin brushed against his, driving goosebumps down JJ’s spine, she craved her hips into his like she’s Michelangelo and his something holy.

Who knew two people who supposedly hated each other could find such pleasure in a passionate shared kiss. They both knew they weren’t faking anything in that moment, they kissed because they desired each other, always have, there was no one around them not even near to fake a relationship to piss their best friends off, they knew it was real in that singular rare moment, like a bliss, but Y/N and JJ wouldn’t talk about it.

Tag list 💞

@thatsonobx @starkeybaby @this-is-bigger-than--us @tomzfrog @alotbnouf @outerbankstings @jj-maybank-stan @jellyfishbeansontoast @rafecamerondeservesbetter @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar @tembo-ndoto @poguebx @k-k0129 @kieinred @obxmxybxnk @stilinskiandsuch @lcil123 @fandom-phaser @sexualparkour @myrandom-fandomlife @lasnaro @kristineee-obx @sw-eat-ing @strangebirds2 @kiarascarreras @jjswhore @milamaybank @marveloucnco @downbytheouterbanks @write-from-the-heart @justcallmesams @annedub @drizzlethatfalls @tovvaf @drewswannabegirl @whoreforouterbanks @newhopenessie @maybebanks @poguesrforlife @shawnssongs @wastedheartcth @rudyypankow @danicarosaline @sc4rlettm @hufflepeople @merc12-us @punkrainbows @obliviatevamps @tangledinsparkles @jjmaybanksbaby

[mnictasbcl]

For you

For #dbhcolorsofdeviancy, prompt:

June 11th: First argument- first making up @connor-sent-by-cyberlife

Rating: Teen

Characters: Connor, Markus, Hank Anderson

Relationships: Connor/Markus, Connor & Hank Anderson

Additional Tags: First fight, blood mention, Worry, Concern, Guilt, Argument, Injury, Not serious injury, Just ouchy, Swearing, Hurt/Comfort, care, First aid, Mention of knife violence, Just a little stab, Making up, interface, Cuddles

Summary: Connor is self-sacrificial, Markus isn’t a fan of this, and they have their first argument.

Luckily, Hank is there to help and teach him a thing or two about relationships.

Story below! Or, read it on AO3

“But this isn’t the Revolution, Connor!” Markus raised his voice.

Connor shook his head, smearing a streak of thirium off his cheek. “I know it isn’t. That doesn’t mean I’m no longer useful.”

“That’s… not what I’m saying. You can’t just run off into situations like that without backup!”

“Yes, I can.” He stared at the ground. “That’s my job, Markus.”

“Some days it feels like that’s all you think about.”

He blinked. That wasn’t fair. He… his job was no longer his sole purpose, of course, but he was still good at being a detective.

“You know what? I—I did it for you.”

The emotions brimming to the surface, combined with the pain radiating from his side, became overwhelming. Connor looked over the other android one more time before suddenly turning, storming away from New Jericho. He thought he could hear Markus shouting for him in the background, but he couldn’t comprehend it anymore.

  _____________

 That had been his morning. Fear, the mission, completing it—and an argument. Now, he was walking down the streets of Detroit, thirium trickling down his side, only one destination in mind.

He rapped his knuckles against Hank’s door. It opened after a few moments, the man half groggy with sleep, but he quickly moved into action upon seeing the android on his doorstep.

“Connor? What’re you doing here? I thought you were spending the weekend with Markus.”

Connor sighed, moving inside, not quite ready to answer questions. He just needed to pull off his coat, take a long, hot shower, and think about things—

“Jesus fucking Christ!”

He startled at Hank’s curse. Oh, right. He’d taken off his coat, revealing the gaping wound in his side.

“Apologies, Li—”

“Don’t go back to that. Just- just sit down,” Hank grabbed his arm, manoeuvring him gently but firmly to the couch, “I’ll go get the first aid supplies.”

Connor sat down without argument, glancing briefly to the Lieutenant as he rushed off towards the bathroom to grab the supplies. He started to feel a little guilty, coming into the man’s home without forethought to call ahead, especially with an injury. The guilt swirled together with the stew of other emotions in his mind, and he groaned.

This didn’t make sense. It was… it was too much, there was no logical pathway to sorting through each thing, and—

He was broken out of his thoughts by a wet nose sniffing at his hand. He chuckled, allowing Sumo to lick his hand.

“Ugh!” Hank’s outburst upon coming back into the room was warranted. Connor had forgotten about the thirium staining his hand, which the Saint Bernard was now licking off with fever. “The pair of you are disgusting, god.

“Anyway, I’ve got the android skin glue stuff. It’s just a surface wound, right?”

Connor nodded. “It didn’t damage any internal components or processors. Just nicked a thirium line.”

He was glad that Hank didn’t question him further quite yet, instead getting to work on the wound. It was only once the bleeding (or thirium leakage) had been stopped, the artificial skin sealing back up, did he begin.

“So… what happened?”

“A suspect managed to outsmart me briefly, with a knife; however, I did succeed in apprehending them.”

Hank nodded. “Right. That’s… kinda not what I meant, son.” His tone softened. “How did this happen? You were spending the weekend with Markus at New Jericho, not doing work.”

Connor frowned. “Yes, but I’m never truly off the clock. There were reports of an anti-android suspect breaking into New Jericho. I stopped them.” His gaze trailed off. “I… We do have some people for that in New Jericho, but I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Noting there was more to be said, Hank didn’t interrupt. Shortly after a few deep breaths, Connor continued.

“Word was that they were after Markus. It was unlikely they’d be able to get through the walls of security, but I couldn’t take that chance. They were going to take him away.” The ‘from me’ was left unsaid.

“So…” Hank began. “Is Markus okay, then?”

Connor nodded curtly. “Yes. He’s fine. They didn’t get anywhere near him.”

Hank frowned. “So why did you come here? Not that I don’t love seeing you. But they have much better android care back in New Jericho. And surely Markus didn’t let you walk away looking like that.”

“Is that an insult to my appearance, Lieutenant?”

Hank rolled his eyes. “Nothing wrong aside from the blue blood all over you.”

“That seems like an overstatement.”

“And it seems like you’re trying to distract me from the main topic.”

Connor sighed. “Astute as ever. Fine. Markus was… rather displeased that I suddenly went after the suspect myself, without waiting for any sort of backup.”

Hank groaned. “Of course you did.”

“But I had to!” Connor retaliated in defense. “I’m perfectly capable of taking down one… or two suspects. I was built for this. I took out multiple Cyberlife guards on the night of the Revolution, all fully armed.”

Hank patted his knee. “Look, kid, I don’t think anyone’s doubting your—”

“I’m not a kid.”

Hank took in a breath. “Maybe not literally. But you’re my kid.” That shut Connor up for a few moments. “Anyway. I don’t think me or Markus are doubting how good of a cop you are. But he was right. That’s a dangerous situation to go into alone. Maybe he was worried about you, too, just like you were worried about him. You don’t have any more bodies to hop into, Connor. This is all you got. You have to take it with more safety.” A pause. “Please.”

“Okay. Okay, I’m not disputing that.” He met Hank’s gaze briefly. “I just… I understand he was worried. I was worried. And I did take too many risks. But… I didn’t think this would end things.”

Now it was Hank’s turn to look confused. “What?”

“With me and Markus. He was really upset. He said, he said something like ‘the job is all I care about’. Or like that.”

“A fight isn’t going to end your relationship.” Hank laughed in shock, not unkindly. “You love each other. These things just happen. They’re not pleasant, no. I remember, with my wife…” A faraway look caught his eyes briefly. “We used to get into our fair share of disagreements. But they’re not what define you two. All that was behind your words was worry. And maybe you hurt each other with what you said. You just have to fix it.”

Connor took Hank’s advice in. It was… helpful.

“That makes sense. That… thank you, Hank.” He fiddled with the thick fur on Sumo’s ears. “So Markus doesn’t hate me?”

Hank laughed genuinely this time. “Of course not. In a different sense, do you think I hate you every time you go self-sacrificial on patrol?”

“Maybe not every time. I’d say there’s a 50-50 chance you show resentment after I make a… questionable work decision.”

“Well, I think Markus is a lot more patient than me. And I haven’t disowned you yet.” At Connor’s wounded look, he held up his hands. “I was kidding! Geez.

“Anyway, just… whenever you’re ready, go back over there. In fact, I can drive you anytime today. I’m sure he’s worried sick about you. Don’t want to turn that poor kid grey too.”

Connor laughed.

  _____________

 After showering and finding some clothes to put on, that weren’t stained blue, Connor accepted Hank’s offer to drive him back to New Jericho.

It was definitely the right decision. Not long after they’d pulled away from the house, Connor began to feel impatient to get back there. He’d left Markus alone after an argument, and after the whole threat on his life that morning. The suspects were stopped, but he still couldn’t help but worry.

Thus he was thankful when they pulled up at the location, thanking Hank with a grateful smile and promise to be back by Monday, before rushing out of the car.

Markus was no longer on the outskirts of the town, but he was sure he knew where he was going to be.

He was correct. Walking into the painting studio, he spotted the lone figure of his boyfriend at the far canvas, hands moving in the fluid motions of brush strokes.

Connor approached quietly, but perhaps his whirring yellow LED gave him away to the other deviant, who turned around at once, and seemed to breathe a large sigh of relief.

“Connor, you came back.”

He rushed over to Markus, stopping a couple of steps away from him. “Of course I did. I was just… visiting Lieutenant Anderson.”

“I could tell from the shirt.” He chuckled, gesturing to the baggy old DPD hoodie Connor was now wearing. “But… it’s a relief to see you. There were things I said, that…”

“I did too. I regret it. I don’t value my work over you or anyone else at all. I wasn’t thinking, shouldn’t have just ran out like that…”

“I know you don’t, Connor.” Markus agreed. “I wasn’t thinking either. What you did in the Cyberlife Tower, on the Revolution, with all those androids—it was amazing. So amazing it’s something you can really only do once. But despite the risk… you survived. And I’m so thankful for what you helped bring for our people. That was when I realised, I loved you.

“But that also means you need to be safe. We don’t have to take those kinds of risks anymore. Our people are free. There are, regrettably, individuals such as the attackers this morning who want to steal that from us. But we have the advantage now.” He stepped towards Connor, hand extending in an invitation to interface. “And I can’t lose you.”

Connor accepted the invitation, skin peeling back, white chassis visible and connecting to Markus in interface with a soft clink. He felt a rush of emotions, warm and fuzzy, and he sent back his own, some worry intermingling but overall, love and compassion.

“I can’t lose you either. But I promise, I’ll be safe.” He brought the connection away, arms moving this time to embrace Markus. “Safer, anyway.”

Markus chuckled. “You better be, Connor. Because if you get yourself killed, then I’ll kill you. And then I’m sure Lieutenant Anderson will kill you too.”

“And Sumo.” Connor added with a smirk.

“I don’t know, he seems too pure for that. But… whatever. Just don’t die.”

“Likewise.”

[hotchley]

11 from angst with hotchniss romantic

This... is appallingly cliche and sounds exactly the same as "lauren" and "the date." I apologise. I have one mood when it comes to Hotchniss. Clearly. But this is under 1.5k! Very proud of myself

I've given up on proofreading. I also have no idea where in canon this is, so I need everyone to forget about the timeline and events that occur. Yeah. If anyone picks up on the headcanon I threw in... I love you <3 and my arm hurts an insane amount, so... there may need to be a break from writing these!

11: “what happened to us?”

Trigger Warnings: implied past domestic violence (Hotch's parents), past child abuse, self destructive behaviour, implied past panic attacks, relationship breakdown, negative self image, no happy ending

read on ao3!

He knows what she's doing. He knows because he has done the same thing. He still does. They're similar in a lot of ways, him and Emily Prentiss, but in this, they are identical.

They both believe that they are not worthy of being loved. That nobody is capable of loving them unless they hide something. Unless they pretend to be someone else. Unless they fit a certain view that is held of them. They both believe that the moment somebody sees them for who they really are, they will leave.

And so they test the boundary. They push and they manipulate and they act out and they do a thousand different things to work out what the limit is. To work out just what they need to decide that they aren't worth it. To leave. Aaron stopped doing it a while ago, because it wasn't fair to Haley or to himself.

Emily has never stopped, no matter how few lies she now tells her therapist, or how many anniversaries her and Aaron make it to. Aaron wonders every day if she even realises she’s doing it. She does. Sometimes. She doesn’t care enough to stop.

She’s testing his boundaries again. He’s trying to be patient but it’s difficult. No amount of breathing exercises or rational thought seems to be helping because deep down, he is annoyed. Secretly. Quietly. Not because he’s manipulating her, but because he can’t let himself be angry. Not with her. His father got angry with his wife and nothing fixed the damage. He can’t repeat that mistake. He won’t. He’ll die before he does that.

They’re arguing. Again. It seems to be the only thing they do these days. And Aaron knows that it’s just her trying to test him the same way she has always done, but he’s so tired. He wants to love her the way he always has. He wants her to love him the way she used to. Without this fear, that didn’t exist before Ian Doyle. It makes him want to kill the man again.

Emily has no idea why she’s arguing with him. Or over what. It’s more than likely that it's a combination of all the things that have been hurting her since she was born. Almost all of them were not the direct result of his actions. She doesn't care though. Because her and Aaron may be alike in many ways, but not in this. He will always fight. She will always run.

"Em, just tell me the truth. I won't be angry. I promise."

Emily looks away. Jack was the first one to call her Em. As she turns, she sees a photo. And suddenly, she knows what to say. She knows what will make him leave her, of his own free will. Because she needs him to leave. Before she destroys him and everything she loves. Because she will. It's all she's ever done. It's all she is good for.

"Yes you will," she says. Because she knows how to hurt him.

She watches him clench and unclench his jaw. "No, I won't. I just want to help you."

Her last thought before she speaks is a prayer. To a woman that deserved better. Forgive me, is the thought.

"You don't want to help me. You're only with me because you can't have Haley."

There is no truth in the statement. It is an insult to Haley's final wish for her husband. To Aaron and his heart. To Jack and the lessons his father has taught him. To everything they have built together.

Aaron keeps his promise though. He isn't angry. He's devastated. Emily watches his face crumple, but remains rooted in place as he leaves the room. It feels like a weight has been lifted from her chest, and that can't be normal or healthy, but it's how she feels.

Time passes. She cannot say how much. But it passes. And Aaron does not return. So despite everything, she leaves the room to find him. Before she does, she presses her fingers to her mouth, and then to the photo of Haley. She also whispers an apology.

Aaron is sitting in their bedroom, head buried between his knees. A soft sound leaves her throat, and he raises his head enough to shake it. It does little to soothe her.

Emily sits beside him. He shifts away, not even realising. She tries to let it not sting. It's her own doing.

"What happened to us?" She asks, after a silence that is nothing like their usual comfortable ones.

The short answer is they've changed. The long answer is that they want different things from life. That he is tired, and she is exhausted. That she no longer wants him and he no longer needs her. That they aren't right together. Not anymore. The truth is that he is fighting for something she no longer believes in.

"Life," he spits, not even caring that he's being cruel.

Emily doesn't even blink. Her comments about needing to know that she can be human, which still hurt him in that moment the same way they did when she first spat them in his face, make all the more sense. She just sits there.

They sleep in the same bed, and she even kisses him on the cheek when he leaves for his morning class. The BAU were given some leave because they did successive cases, but Aaron couldn't cancel on his seniors when he only found out two days before. There was a time when she would have driven him, or sat in his office doing her own paperwork. Not today though. She just watches him leave.

Aaron's been married before. Emily hasn't. There's been a few longer relationships here and there, but Aaron is her only spouse. It's why she doesn't quite understand the look on his face. Neither do his students. They can't quite tell where his mind is, only that it's not where it should be.

Aaron is thinking about his feelings. The sense of dread that pricks at the back of his neck and makes his whole body tense. The nerves that are causing him to make silly mistakes. The pit in his stomach that tells him something bad is going to happen. And he is thinking about Emily. The look on her face as he walked out the front door matched the look Haley had worn when he'd walked out of their bedroom. And she had been gone when he returned.

Emily is also gone when he walks through the door that evening. In some sad way, he had been expecting it. But unlike Haley, she has only taken the bare necessities. He phones Derek, saying that he doesn't expect anything more than a confirmation of her safety. He gets that. As well as a promise to support both of them, no matter what happens.

Aaron is the one that files for divorce. He asked Emily if she was going to come home, and when she didn't reply, simply reading the message, he knew that this time, he had to do it. He had to be brave. He had to give them both a chance at happiness. If such a thing existed for people like them.

He sends them to the sixth floor too. Not to be hurtful, but because he had no other option. And Emily signs them after unintentionally endangering the life of a subordinate of someone so much younger than her- too young to be with the BAU.

And as the world kept spinning, taking some people with it and leaving others behind, the two of them kept searching for a love that would last. Neither of them found it. They were both just too doubtful of everyone.

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Angst

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 remember me by hupsoonheng Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  31082 Tags: Amnesia, Temporary Amnesia, Obliviation, Established Relationship, Established Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Legilimency, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Reformed Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Good Draco Malfoy, Gardens & Gardening, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, POV Harry Potter Summary:  On a chilly day in October, Draco kisses Harry goodbye before he goes on yet another dangerous, undercover mission with the Aurors. And then Harry doesn't come back. Only Draco believes that Harry isn't dead, and pours himself into finding his husband despite his friends' pleas to move on and grieve properly. What he finds at the end of that work, though, is not at all what he wanted. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 you've got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass Rated:  Mature Words:  20730 Tags: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soul Bond, Red String of Fate, Heavy Angst, Terminal Illnesses, Major Illness, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:  When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want. He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Every Breath You Take by hephaestiions Rated:  Mature Words:  19252 Tags: Major Character Death, Death (Harry Potter), Suicide, Child Death, Miscommunication, Angst, Angst and Tragedy Summary:  It starts and ends with Death. Scorpius was just caught in between. Like always. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Between Myth and Man by slytherco Rated:  Explicit Words:  16242 Tags: Veritaserum, Truth Serum, Mundane, London, Falling In Love, Lies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, This whole story is just Draco angsting really, Sexual Content, keeping secrets, Smoking, Bad Weather, References to Drugs, Making Out, One (1) Scared Little Sparrow, And also lots of texting Summary:  Draco, lost and a little broken, navigates post-war reality convinced that people like him should not be allowed to make their own choices. To solve the problem of his self-sabotaging tendencies, he starts taking a few drops of Veritaserum every morning. A story about the complexity of choices, repressed desires that come to the surface when we least expect them, and the utter hopelessness of truths built on a foundation of lies. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Boxes and a Scrapbook by dracogotgame Rated:  Mature Words:  30493 Tags: mention of divorce, flangst, Bill is a bro Summary:  One year after being accidentally bonded to each other, Harry and Draco are free to move on with their lives. But perhaps, what they needed was here all along. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Intertwined by bluefay Rated:  Explicit Words:  25086 Tags: Memory Loss, Memory Alteration, Accidental Bonding, Magic Gone Wrong, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Malfoy Manor, Self-Harm, Dark Mark (Harry Potter), Serious Injuries, But they're not very graphic so don't fret!, Self-Hatred, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Sort Of, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Hate Sex, Childhood Trauma ,Flashbacks, St Mungo's Hospital, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Time, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  On May 3rd, 1998, Draco Malfoy wakes up with no memory of Voldemort, the war, or Harry Potter, his supposed boyfriend. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di Rated:  Explicit Words:  93189 Tags: H/D Fan Fair 2019, Secondary Theme: Travel Fair, Secondary Theme: Book Fair, Commercial Fisherman Draco Malfoy, Failed Writer Harry Potter, Depressed Harry Potter, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Muscular Draco Malfoy, Recluse Harry Potter, Angst, Smut, Drama & Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Wandless Magic, Boats and Ships, Finland (Country), Fishing, Redemption, School Reunion, Minor Draco Malfoy/Original Male Character(s), Anal Sex, Rough Sex, Sex Magic, Suicidal Thoughts, Near Death Experiences, Magical Theory, POV Alternating Summary:  Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography. An invitation to the Hogwarts class of 1998's 15th reunion isn't welcomed by either of them, but neither could predict how the night, and their reunion, will upend their lives. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 When I Put My Eyes On You by Zzzara Rated:  Explicit Words:  31160 Tags: Blindness, Blind Character, Blind Harry Potter, Disability, Physical Disability, Disabled Character, Slow Burn, Falling In Love, Love, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Dorks in Love, Friendship/Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Amortentia, Potions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Emotional, Emotional Roller Coaster, Pining, Pining Harry Potter, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Developing Friendships, Romantic Friendship, Best Friends, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter Friendship, POV Harry Potter, Patronus, Spells & Enchantments, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Jealousy, Jealous Harry Potter, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Spin the Bottle, Halloween, Party, Party Games, Mistletoe, Kissing, Surprise Kissing, Boys Kissing, Rough Kissing, Drunken Kissing, Gentle Kissing, Boys In Love, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, First Time, Explicit Sexual Content, Sex, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Emotional Sex, Awkward First Times, Sleeping Together, Literal Sleeping Together, Dancing, Showers, Masturbation in Shower, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Sexual Tension, Dreams, Fantasizing, Desire, Self-Esteem Issues, Substance Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Lights Camera Drarry 2020, Lights Camera Drarry, LCDrarry, LCD - Freeform, The Way he looks, film inspired, Self-Prompt, Healing Summary:  When a hero defeats a villain, there's supposed to be a happily-ever-after... but when did anything ever happen to Harry Potter the way it was supposed to? Having sacrificed himself to the greater good, Harry is left alone in the darkness, blindly groping for the shreds of the life he knew. When the enemies meet, how is the story supposed to go, once they learn there's more to it than the eye can see? A story of pain, hope and things we discover, once we stop looking for them with our eyes. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You open always (petal by petal) by birdsofshore Rated:  Explicit Words:  65214 Tags: Post War, Rent Boy!Draco, Down-And-Out!Draco, Grimmauld Place, House magic, Portraits, First Times, Antagonism, Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Pining, Angst, UST, Kissing, Frotting, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Intergluteal Sex, Anal Sex, Homophobic Slurs And Attitudes, Internalised Homophobia, Derogatory Attitudes To Sex Workers, Some Mentions Of Sadistic Violence, Brief Thoughts Of Sexual Activity With A Sleeping Partner, Rough Sex, Brief Mention Of Harry With A Woman (Past Relationship), Mentions Of Dubious Consent In Connection With Sex Work, Community: hd_erised, Inexperienced Harry, Top Harry Potter, House Elves, Masturbation Summary:  Harry’s not the kind of person who pays for sex. He really isn’t. Until he is. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Solder by Oakstone730 Rated:  Explicit Words:  34547 Tags: potion/alcohol addiction, Recovery, Nipple Play, Rimming, Dirty Talk, Angst, PiningUST, Reconciliation, LoveForgiveness, Cursebreaker!Draco, Artist!Harry Summary:  Seven years ago, Harry disappeared out of Draco and Scorpius's life without a trace after Harry's addictions destroyed his and Draco's marriage. Now, Harry’s back, and Draco wants to believe he’s changed. But Harry isn’t the only one haunted by the past. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Months, Eleven Days and Nine Hours by sassy_cissa Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  sassy_cissa Tags: H/D Food Fair 2018, Angst, Romance, Paroled Draco Malfoy, Rebuilding Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy/, Harry Potter Friendship, Down and Out Draco Malfoy, Food Forager Draco Malfoy, Soup Kitchens, Happy Ending, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hungry Draco Malfoy Summary:  Broke and living in a one room hovel in Knockturn Alley, Draco hunts in rubbish bins for food. Nothing could be more humiliating, right? Unless you're Draco Malfoy... ❤️ Read on AO3

Texting You by ununquadius Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  6005 Tags: Major Character Death, text fic, draco is dead, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, or maybe hurt/no comfort, Everyday Life, Pets, Asexual Harry Potter, Indian Harry Potter, one penis drawing, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Loneliness, Drinking, Terminal Illnesses, blink and you missed them suicidal thoughts Summary:  After Draco's death, Harry can't let go so he keeps texting their private chat, updating him on his life and rambling about everything and anything until it almost feels like there's a possibility that, one day, a reply will come. Read on AO3

📜 Wake Up In The Night by p1013 Rated:  Explicit Words:  10483 Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Explicit Sexual Content, Face-Fucking, Public Sex, Blow Jobs, Versatile Draco Malfoy, Versatile Harry Potter, Anal Sex, Rimming, Anal Fingering, Dirty Talk, Facials, 69 (Sex Position), Coming Untouched, Love Confessions, Curses, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Drinking, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, POV Draco Malfoy, Voyeurism, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Emotional Manipulation Summary:  In the days after the War ended, there were a great many things that were changed or changing, a great many things that somehow slipped beneath the notice of Ministry officials and healers from St. Mungo's and Aurors that were tasked with capturing fleeing Death Eaters. It was, after all, the end of the War, and much like war itself, the clean up was heartbreaking. Lives had been lost. The world as they knew it had been changed irrevocably. In the grand scheme of things, there were more important things to worry about than Draco Malfoy's sudden, inexplicable inability to feel love. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Coated in Rust and Blood by crazyparakiss Rated:  Mature Words:  2429 Tags: Mpreg, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Angst, Violent Sex, Self-Hatred, Grief/Mourning, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  No one escapes the nightmares. That’s what his headshrinker tells Harry every time he tries to unpack the baggage he was handed from infancy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Here Without You by  gracerene Rated:  Explicit Words:  26869 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, War, Canon-Typical Violence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Death, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Background Het, Non-Linear Narrative, Flashbacks, Epistolary, Love Letters, Dirty Letters, An Ode to Draco's Bum, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter, Implied Switching, Auror Harry Potter, Healer Draco Malfoy, Explosions, Harry Potter & Parvati Patil Friendship, Loneliness, Denial, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  It's been seven years since the end of the Second Wizarding War with Voldemort, and a new Dark Lady has taken over in nearby Ireland. Harry feels compelled to volunteer to fight on the front lines, but war is never safe, and Harry has a lot—including his blissfully happy relationship with Draco—to lose. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Orion in the Sky by space_wingding Rated:  Explicit Words:  30709 Tags: Bookshop Owner Draco Malfoy, Coffee, Village life, Slow Burn, Pining, Denial, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Jigsaw Puzzles, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Harry Potter, Fatal Curse, Serious Injuries, Suicidal Thoughts, Hospitalization, Death, Character Death, Unhappy Ending, St Mungo's Hospital, Grief, mentions of anal sex, Chronic or Terminal Illness, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  Draco Malfoy owns a bookshop in the Lake District. He’s also cursed. Enter: Harry Potter. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Forgot to remember you by Andithiel Rated:  Mature Words:  1753 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Auror Partners, Magical Accidents, Memory Loss, Partial Memory Loss, Getting Together, DreamsPining, Light Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drarropoly 2.0 - A Drarry Game/Fest, Rated M for language, There's not any real stuff going on Summary:  Harry was hit with a spell that made him forget the week before he was hurt. Most of his memories have come back, but he has a niggling suspicion that he did something wrong. Why else would his Auror partner (and the object of his desires) go from friendly to hostile? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 On the Last Day by trishjames Rated:  Explicit Words:  53481 Tags: Mystery, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Unreliable Narrator, Drama, Dramatic Irony, Flashbacks, Non-Linear Flashbacks, Memory Loss, Horror Elements, Suicidal Ideation, Depression, Occlumency (Harry Potter), Occlumency as a Coping Mechanism, Panic Attacks, Discussion and Depiction of Mini Seizures, mention of overdoses, Revenge, Repression, Science, Neurology & Neuroscience, Neurological damage, Medicine, Potions, Original Characters - Freeform, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Somewhat Bond!Fic, Strong Friendships, Strong Women, Maternal love, Department of Mysteries, Unspeakables (Harry Potter), The Love Chamber, The Death Chamber, Death Potion, Amortentia, The Veil, Near Death Experiences, Souls, Major character death - Freeform, Death, forced drugging, Mind Control (Imperio), Murder, Vomit, Medical Procedures, Consent, Amoral Behaviour, Unethical Behaviour, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Possession, Ghost Sex, True Love Conquers All, ghost!harry, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Auror Harry Potter, Unspeakable/Scientist Hermione Granger, Unspeakable/Scientist Draco Malfoy, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Psst...angst with a happy ending.. Summary:  Draco is still mourning the recent loss of his mother when the Wizarding World is struck with the tragic news of Harry Potter’s untimely death. It’s just his luck that Potter not only comes back as a ghost, but seems intent on haunting Draco as he’s the only one that can see him. It’s a race against time to retrace the last few days of Potter’s life in order to find his body before he’s lost to the living or spiritual realm forever. On their journey, they’ll uncover secrets, betrayals, and a horrific truth that will disrupt both the living and the dead. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Poland | A Faint Glow of Hope by EvAEleanor Rated:  Mature Words:  6123 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Summer Solstice, Solstice, Curses, Unspeakable Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Ron Weasley, Healer Hermione Granger, Herbology Professor Neville Longbottom, Angst, Flowers, Slavic mythology, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Mentions of Myth & Folklore, Mythology References. Folklore, poland - Freeform, POV Draco Malfoy, Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Community: Seven Shades of Drarry Summary:  On Draco’s 25th birthday, somebody attempts to curse him, but Harry Potter jumps between them and is hit instead, with unexpected consequences. Potter is running out of time, and they both embark on a race against time to find the only cure that could save Harry. Little do they know they will need to face a myriad of magical creatures and their own feelings on the way. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Grounds for Divorce by Tepre Rated:  Explicit Words:  122217 Tags: Slow Burn, Pining, UST, Anal Sex, brief but all the same enthusiastic rimming, One (1) lemon tree, Accidental Bonding, And I mean like U! S! T!, Jealousy, Deals with Trauma, They both top at some point, ron is a good friend, Draco is a Good Cook, Dubious Consent due to the Accidental Bonding, The actual SLOWEST burn, Hurt/Comfort, Have I mentioned UST? Cannot overstate this it's like A LOT, First there's frottage, And then there's more sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, and just a lot of sex, sex on a bed, sex in the shower, sex on the floor, Sex on a settee, In other news they go to Egypt, Teddy is a Small Bean, There is one (1) cat, and one (1) happy ending Summary:  Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter. A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 At Evening's End by manixzen Rated:  Explicit Words:  31055 Tags: Pre-Relationship, Angst, Azkaban, Hurt/Comfort, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Slow Burn, Post-Hogwarts, Friendship, Past Child Abuse, Enemies to Friends, Auror Harry Potter, Inmate Draco Malfoy, Prison, Auror Ron Weasley Summary:  When the dementors are removed from Azkaban, a compromise has to be made for the prison to remain secure and wizard-kind to feel safe. Harry and Ron find themselves assigned to a rotation as guards during their first year as Junior Aurors as a part of the new system. Harry finds his values challenged in the harsh environment, but an unexpected friendship may carry him through this difficult year. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 all you ever did was wreck me by SailorChibi Rated:  Mature Words:  10807 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, draco has PTSD, Harry has PTSDN, ightmares, Animagus, Harry is an animagus, prison break - Freeform, Touch-Starved, affection starved, Fear of Death, fear of touch, touch repulsed, Trauma, Aftermath of Torture, harry doesn't want anyone else to die, harry is very angry at the world, Protective Harry, harry had to grow up too soon, Possessive Harry, harry wants to protect draco, house arrest, Ministry of Magic, ministry of magic has gone power hungry, Fear of Magic, draco is scared of magic, it's been used for too much evil, Draco Malfoy Feels, Sad Draco Malfoy, Protective Draco Malfoy, Sharing a Bed, platonically sharing a bed, First Kiss, Hugging, Cuddling, Platonic Cuddling, Harry Potter is a Good Friend, death is scary, Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Endingh, appyish ending, might be a little bittersweet, but it will be ok I swear Summary:  After the war, the Ministry decides to make a clean go of it and sentences all Death Eaters to death. After a year spent imprisoned beneath the Ministry, with his mother safely in France, his father dead and only the Aurors who hate him for "company", Draco is waiting for his time to die. Harry gets to him first. ❤️ Read on AO3

[profoundnet]

PROFOUND MEMBER MASTERPOST FOR NOVEMBER 2020!

Featuring Destiel/Gen works by jscribbles, Jeanne_de_Valois, tiamatv, LeafZelindor, prosopopeya, DragonSgotenks, sketching-fox, kittimau, castielslostwings, FriendofCarlotta, universalsatan, Idjit_01, Destielshipper4Cas, purple_charlie, Maleyah, noeizumispn, kitmistry, TheSongSmith, one_more_offbeat_anthem, interstitial, JusithAndronicus, ArielAquarial, queer-things-do-happen-dean, goldenraeofsun, andimeantittosting, and starprincecas.

Join us on Discord!

Masterpost below the cut.

jscribbles - jscribbles

I’ll Go With You (G, 4.7k)

A coda to 15x18 "Despair".

He hadn't said anything. He hadn't said anything when he'd been given the chance.

Tags: 15.20, reunion, grief, love confession

We Are Real (M, 2.4k)

Smutty sequel to I'll Go With You.

Dean hadn't kissed him yet.

But they were alone now, and free.

Tags: 15.18, smut

404 Error (G, 500 words)

How hablo espaniol?!!

I DON'T KNOW. Neither does Dean.

Tags: spoilers for 15.18, based on spanish dub, crack fic

The Weight of Silence (E, 26k)

The weight of silence is heavy on Dean's shoulders as he learns to live a new kind of life in Heaven. In classic Winchester-style, despite being in a place that isn't supposed to have pain and suffering, Dean rebels against it by being straight-up fucking miserable.

Tags: depression, mentions of john winchesters garbage parenting, canon compliant, 15.20 fix it coda, happy ending, smut, romance, love confessions

~

Jeanne_de_Valois - Jeanne_de_Valois

Free Bird (G, 1.7k)

Heaven is an open road and not having to pay for gas.

Heaven is a greasy sandwich and a novelty-sized candy bar.

Heaven is awkward, shuffling, confusing.

Heaven is getting to say what you wished you said, a lifetime ago.

(A Coda to Supernatural 15.20- Carry On)

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Requited Love

~

tiamatv - tiamatv

Stone and Flesh (E, 6k)

Dean didn’t think, even in his filthiest imaginings, that Cas would sound like this in bed—loud, eager, easy with it. He doesn’t give a fuck who hears him enjoying himself. Though maybe Dean should have known. It’s not like Cas has ever once held back on anything he ever wanted to say or do—

Didn’t he?

(Not quite an episode coda for S15e18 per se, but more a "what comes after.")

Tags: AU - canon divergence; Post-Episode S15e18: Despair; Canonical Character Death; Selectively Mute Dean Winchester; Hopeful Ending

Domestic (T, 5.6k)

A little less than a year after the world doesn’t end, he and Cas get married.

Tags: AU - Canon Divergence; Future Fic; Tooth-Rotting Fluff; Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker; Kid Fic

Bight (E, 2.5k)

“Do you want more?” Cas asked, against Dean’s thigh. His thumb strummed gently at the soft, folded-up pocket behind Dean’s bound knee.

It tickled, but… didn’t.

Dean didn’t know what the answer to that was.

Tags: AU - Canon Divergence; Rope Bondage; Gentle Dom Castiel; Sub Dean Winchester; Praise Kink

~

LeafZealindor - @leafzelindor

Artwork for “break to let the light in” DCBB2020 (SFW)

Artwork draw for the DCBB2020 fic "break to let the light in"

Tags: fluff, touching, intimacy. Accompanied by fic by PeppermiintsPlease.

~

prosopopeya - prosopopeya

Like Real People Do (G, 4.9k)

Castiel experienced a moment of pure happiness, expecting it to be his last. 

It wasn't.

Tags: Post-15x18, canon divergence, first kiss, angst with a happy ending, first kiss

Under the Same Sun (E, 14k)

In which time is infinite, and so is the list of people willing to help Dean figure out what to do about Cas. 

A fix-it for a lot of things: Dean's repressed bisexuality, Dean's utterly inexplicable failure to realize what Cas meant, the Charlie & Dean brother/sister content I crave, among others.

Tags: Internalized biphobia, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester, angst with a happy ending, post-series, Heaven fic

~

DragonSgotenks - DragonSgotenks

Say Cheese (E, 50k)

Dean Winchester is thirty, flirty, and thriving, or at least that's how his best friend Charlie describes him. Either way Dean feels pretty good about his life. He has a decent job, a nice house, and a great group of friends and family. Sure his brother's been living hundreds of miles away to attend law school and an internship, and yeah maybe he wasn't working his dream job, and so, okay, he spent most nights zoning out in front of the tv alone but that was fine. Dean was fine. Until he gets a call about a daughter he didn't know existed and suddenly Dean's quiet (boring) life is turned upside down.

Castiel Novak is a photographer whose passion lies in capturing the beauty of nature. However to pay the bills he works part time at the mall doing portrait photography. Sure it might not be as artistic as he'd like and his odd hours make for a dull social life but he's still doing what he loves. He especially enjoys doing the kids photos and over the last couple of years he's built a bit of a reputation for always getting the shot no matter how unruly or stubborn a child might be. So when a handsome father brings in his grumpy little girl for pictures Castiel thinks it will be just another photo shoot.

He's wrong.

Tags: Destiel, Single parent Dean, kidfic, bottom Dean/top Castiel, mentions of childhood trauma, eventual smut, past Lydia/Dean

~

sketching-fox - @sketching-fox

Dean Winchester Monster Fucker (NSFW)

Arts done for Dean Cas Big Bang in my partnership with LoversAntiquities.

Tags: alleyway, impala, mature content. Accompanied by fic by LoversAntiquities.

~

kittimau - @kmauspn - kittimau

Beg Pretty For Me (E, 5k)

“Cas…” His eyes flutter closed, mind slipping into the warm, pleasant haze of that special place, the one that allows him release, relief. Peace. Heart pounding in his chest, he fights the temptation to touch himself through the delicate material because Cas hasn’t told him to yet and he wants to be good.

“I want to hear you say it, Dean.”

“Fuck…” He swallows thickly. “Yeah. I- I feel beautiful.”

Tags: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Phone Sex, Light Dom/Sub, Dean Winchester Wears Panties, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Masturbation, Dom Castiel/Sub Dean Winchester

~

castielslostwings - @castielslostwings - Castielslostwings

Loud (G, 4.3k)

Minutes, hours, days, years might have already passed—time is different here, and Castiel has no way of tracking it, and still the Shadow doesn’t come. 

Castiel sits, he stands, he walks and walks and walks and walks. All he ever discovers is more darkness, more nothing.

Tags: 15.19 coda, alternate 15.20, canon fix-it, carry on fix-it, canon-compliant, love confessions, the empty, coda fic, the profound bond

Carry On (E, 8k)

“I think I’ll go for a drive.”

This is what happened between that moment, and Dean meeting Sam on that bridge.

(A 15x20 missing scene/fix-it fic).

Tags: 15x20 fix-it, Carry On coda, love confessions, castiel and dean are in love, first kiss, first time, reunions, Heaven improved, dean gets the funeral he deserves, missing scene

~

FriendofCarlotta - @friendofcarlotta - FriendofCarlotta

The Novel (E, 4.5k)

Dean, Cas, Sam and Eileen are happily retired and living their best lives. There's just one problem: Sam has decided to commemorate the Winchester brothers' adventures by writing a novel, and it's not very good at all.

AKA the episode coda where 15x20 was nothing more than Dean reading a draft of his brother's first novel and becoming increasingly appalled.

Tags: Coda, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Technically Canon-Compliant, First Kiss, Top Cas/Bottom Dean

~

universalsatan - @universalsatan - UniversalSatan

Mortal One, With The Sun in His Hands (E, 135k)

Cowhand Dean Winchester is notorious for risky gambles, rightfully proud of his horse Impala (who has the prettiest speckle in the West), and is stubbornly certain that his life is in apple-pie order. His comfortable existence crumbles apart when he's saved from a fire-and-brimstone death by a mysterious wanderer he discovers to be the infamous White Bandit, mythical Angel of the Desert. While his savior is as fearsome as the legends say, Dean can't help but draw closer to the quiet and endearing man the real Bandit turns out to be... even if he doesn't yet realize they're the same person. This time, Dean may have to reach out to the flame instead of recoil.

Tags: Western, Historical Fantasy, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Cowboys, Plot-Heavy, Hurt/Comfort, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings Graphic Depictions of Violence, Explicit Sexual Content (Censored Version Available). Accompanied by art by Artmetica.

~

Idjit_01 - Idjit_01

I’m not gonna say that I’d change it cause you and I know that we can’t (T, 1.3k)

After Lisa's goodbye speech to Dean in 6x14, Dean gets drunk and calls Cas.

Tags: Episode: s06e14 Mannequin 3: The Reckoning, Alcohol abuse/Alcoholism, Canon Divergence, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No comfort, yes both

game over (try again, please) (G, 887 words)

After Case and everyone else's departure in 15x18 Sam and Dean sit and talk. (And yes they discuss Cas's confession)

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts, Canonical Character Death, Good Sibling Sam Winchester

There’s blood on your face. (Beer and Nightmares) (G, 1.4k)

Dean wakes up pretty badly shaken from a nightmare. He struggles with it. He goes to the kitchen for a beer, but Cas and Sam are there. In the end, thanks to Cas's shenanigans, he doesn't even remember the nightmare.

Tags: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Teasing, Touch-Starved Dean Winchester, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester Is So Done

Help(less) (T, 1.9k)

Everyone Chuck took away is back and are doing normal life again. As there are no monsters and everyone around him has someone else, Dean's on his own and feels awful. So he drives away and makes several questionable choices. Featuring: Dean, a missing angel, a moose, Baby and a frankly abused forest

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Grief/Mourning, Vomiting, Eating Disorders, Suicidal Attempt, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death

~

Destielshipper4Cas - @destielshipper4cas - Destielshipper4Cas

The Alpha Next Door (E, 36k)

When Cas is placed in WitSec, he gets a fake secondary gender designation to go along with his new name, ‘Jimmy.’ All he has to do until the boss of the omega trafficking ring he escaped is behind bars is keep a low profile, always apply his alpha scent, and not fall in love with an alpha. Well—two out of three ain’t too bad…

Dean has never had a crush on an alpha before. Along comes his new neighbor, Jimmy, an alpha who is alphasexual. There’s just something about him, and to his utter confusion, he finds himself falling for an alpha for the first time in his life.

Tags: Past Rape/Non-con, Strangers to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Omega Verse

~

purple_charlie - purple_charlie

Walk Through Fire for You (T, 2.3k)

Boyfriend.

The word still feels foreign in Dean’s mouth, still brings back echoes of John Winchester’s thinly-veiled (if even that) homophobia. "Man up, don’t be a sissy, I didn’t raise a fairy". It’s a swollen blister in the back of Dean’s mind, throbbing with pain whenever a stranger’s eyes linger too long on Cas’ hand in his, whenever a waitress double-takes at how close they sit in diner booths.

But here, dirty dancing with Cas in a warehouse full of other queer folks, Dean wants to shout from the rooftops- I’m Dean Winchester, I drive the baddest car in town, I lift heavy things for a living, and this is my boyfriend.

Tags: Homophobic parents, homophobic siblings, bisexual Dean, Gay Cas, Pride, marijuana use

~

Maleyah - @maleyah-givemetomorrow - Katherine_Kat

Art for In A State of Perpetual Disrepair (SFW)

Art for my fic, In A State of Perpetual Disrepair, a hurt/comfort A/B/O Destiel fic.

Tags: fanart, A/B/O, hurt/comfort, Alpha!Cas, Omega!Dean

Start of Time (G, 754 words)

Except he never expected to be awake for the aftermath.

You see, he can hear Dean's prayers.

Tags: Castiel POV, Despair, Hope, Coda 15x18, post episode 15x18, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts

We’re Not Gonna Take It (T, 1.4k)

Amara gestures at Dean calmly. “Have you been praying lately by any chance?”

Dean flusters and stammers, hands at his hips to give himself an attitude, while his eyes flick from her to Sam and Jack insecurely. “N… No.”

Tags: Coda 15x19, Post episode 15x19, Fix It, Dean's dirty prayers, Dean Prays to Castiel, Angel Wings, Wings, First Kiss

Drive (M, 1.5k)

Dean's prayers take a turn for the sensual, which drives The Empty to the brink.

Tags: Coda 15x18; post episode 15x18,, Dean Prays to Castiel, Dean's dirty prayers, Angel Wings, Wings, First Kiss, Fix-It, Slight Crack

Now That We’re Dead (M, 2.5k)

“You got everything you could ever want or need or dream. So I guess the question is… What’re you gonna do now, Dean?”

Looking around, he doesn’t know how to answer that question. The obvious is suggested when she turns out to have made it to Heaven too. Dust dances in the air around Baby, shining in the sunlight, tempting him to go for a ride. The endless stretched out road and horizon.

He blinks a few times, slow and owlish.

And right there, his shadow falling long and dark, almost touching Dean’s feet, is Cas.

OR: the one where Cas gets the love he deserves

Tags: 15x20 coda, Fix It, First Kiss, human!Cas, Heaven, Heaven happy ending, Canon divergent from the moment Bobby says "Cas helped", Fix-It

I Wanna Live, Not Just Survive (M, 3.9k)

“Dean Winchester,” Cas drawls. “I did not go to The Empty, so you could get yourself impaled.”

Or: the other one, where Cas and Dean get to be what they deserve.

Tags: coda 15x20, Fix-It, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Earth happy ending, Because let's not bury our gays, First Kiss, Cuddles, Hurt/Comfort

~

noeizumispn - @noeizumispn

Colors (SFW)

Art inspired by Misha's words on Cas' wings

Tags: Rainbow, colors, destiel, wings

~

kitmistry - @kitmistry - Kitmistry

Don’t You Cry No More (T, 4.8k)

There has to be something, he told himself the first night he pulled an all nighter, only to wake up with his cheek smashed against a book, dark circles under his eyes, a throbbing headache, and nowhere closer to the answer than when he started. The light was still on above his head. He didn’t bother turning it off.

Or the one where Dean doesn't die, but he searches for Cas instead. 

Tags: Fix-It, Coda, Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Post-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending

~

TheSongSmith - TheSongSmith

Four Seasons (G, 754 words)

Cas is the owner of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, and he received a very curious call on a quiet Saturday morning. Dean owns the adult shop next door, and is very confused by what's going on. Good times are had by all, except Donald Trump because fuck that morally-bankrupt tangerine.

Tags: Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Destiel is Canon, 2020 is a dumpster fire so have this fic, twitter made me do it

~

one_more_offbeat_anthem - one_more_offbeat_anthem

So Comes Snow After Fire (G, 11k)

Cas was old, like old-old, like ancient, like here for the beginning of the goddamn cosmos old, like remembers rain being invented old, and he could be anywhere, but instead he was in Dean’s kitchen (well, the bunker’s, but no one else cooked--Jack and Cas were kind of clueless when it came to that stuff, and all Sam made was health food), reading The Hobbit aloud to Dean while Dean himself made them all spaghetti.

(or, they got their win--the biggest win of all--and now autumn is settling in. a nearly-human Cas plants a garden, and Dean helps him along.)

Tags: Post-Canon/Canon-Divergent, Domesticity, Getting together, Fluff and comfort, Gardening Castiel

~

interstitial - interstitial

Thirst Was Made For Water (T, 5.9k)

Cas is hit by a truth spell. The results are unexpected.

And maybe just a tiny bit funny. Unless you're Dean. 

Tags: Dubiously Consensual Courting Behavior, Mildly NSFW Art Included, Profanity, Crack & Fluff, Truth Spells, Animal Transformations, Canon Divergent After s7e17 The Born-Again Identity, Light-Hearted and (Relatively) Wholesome For These Trying Times

~

JudithAndronicus - @judithandronicus - judithandronicus

Up We Go (E, 4.9k)

A coda fic series for 15.18.

Tags: Grieving, Canonical MCD (temporary), Alcoholic Dean, Angst with a Happy Ending

The Kindness of Ravens (E, 7.5k)

Crackfic wherein ravens pooping on Dean lead to feelings realization and eventual smut.

Tags: Fluff, Crack, Feelings Realization, Diners

The Ampersand Chronicles (G, 1.3k)

This is unrepentant canon-adjacent Bunker fluff, set in a universe where everything is kind of the same, except fluffier. Cas lives in the Bunker with Sam and Dean; things like Gadreel and Lucifer aren't a problem; and oh yeah, there's a cat.

Tags: Fluff, Bunker Fic, Kittens

~

ArielAquarial - ArielAquarial

Boyfriend Blues (G, 1k)

“I have a boyfriend!”

It came out of nowhere. One second Dean was shoveling a truly amazing pork roast into his mouth, already planning the meat to mashed potato ratio of his next bite, when Claire opened her mouth and his fork was clattering to the plate. Cas stopped mid-bite to stare at her while Jack, completely oblivious, continued making a Jackson Pollock out of his potatoes and gravy.

Tags: Parenthood, Domestic Fluff, Married Life, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Kid Claire Novak, Kid Jack Kline

Extra Credit (E, 4.2k)

“Hey, babe. Who has the kids?”

“Mr. Winchester…” Cas rumbled, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest. “You’re cutting it close. My office hours are almost over.”

Dean frowned at him, confused. That didn’t even remotely answer his question. What did he—

Oh…

Oh!

Or, the moment Dean has been waiting for has finally arrived.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Husbands, Professor Castiel (Supernatural), Mechanic Dean Winchester, Sexual Roleplay, Teacher/Student Roleplay, Anniversary

Never in a Million Years (G, 2.5k)

If someone had told Cas six years ago that he was going to be a happily married man with two kids, he would have laughed. Now, with Dean by his side, he couldn't imagine things being different, even if the path to get there had been a little rocky.

Tags: Domestic Fluff, Holiday Traditions, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Backstory, Bickering, Married Life

~

queer-things-do-happen-dean - @queer-things-do-happen-dean - Latter_alice

Tangerine, tangerine (E, 1k)

“So it’s – It’s really nothin’, huh?” Dean swallows and tries to blink away the wetness in his eyes. His gaze don’t weaver from the road. “No, uh, key words ring a bell? Chuck? Angel tablet?” He pauses, flicks his eyes over to Castiel and back. “... Leviathans?"

When Dean pulls Cas out of the Empty, not everything comes back.

Tags: Canon divergent, post series, memory loss

~

goldenraeofsun - @goldenraeofsun - goldenraeofsun

Symmetria (T, 4k)

When all’s said and done with Chuck, Dean takes his time getting used to his new gig as capital D Death. Billie, of course, did not see fit to leave him a training manual. But with his brother-turned-God on his side, and Jack as the new Darkness, they all muddle through.

Finally, all that's left is to rescue Cas from the Empty.

Tags: 15x18 fix-it, alternate post-series AU, Death!Dean, God!Sam, Darkness!Jack, love confessions, first kiss, minor Sam/Eileen

~

andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting - andimeantittosting

We Are (M, 699)

15x18 coda. When they get Cas back, because they do, because somehow, someway, sometimes good things do happen, Dean... 

Tags: Reunion, Resurrected Castiel, Requited Love, Happy Ending

Carrying On (G, 794 words)

15x20 coda. Dean dies and goes to heaven. But then he wakes up.

Tags: Fix-it Fic, Djinn, Happy Ending on Earth

Two Inches to the Left (T, 2.5k)

15x20 coda. Something tells Dean to stop by that bridge, so he does. The last thing he's expecting is for a pair of Vespas to pull up and Becky Rosen to tell him that he's still in Chuck's story. Finally, it's time to write his own.

Tags: Fix-it Fic, Temporary Character Death, Happy Ending on Earth, Fangirls Save the Day

~

starprincecas - @starprincecas - cuddlesandcas

so it goes (T, 1.4k)

The Empty comes to collect.

Tags: Major Character Death, Episode Tag: s15e18 Despair, Angst

no more waiting on tomorrow (T, 739 words)

For all that they’ve finally won once and for all, the victory feels hollow.

Tags: Episode Tag: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Fix-It Fic

[thebibliomancer]

Archaia’s Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance #12

The Journey into the Mondo Levidian Part 4

In this installment, they do not journey into the Mondo Levidian at all. Maybe this should have been titled Into the Guts and Back Again: A Gelfling’s Tale.

In part one, newly All-Maudra’d Mayrin deals with a Sifan separatist crisis but also plenty of unresolved mother-induced insecurity issues. She charters a ride with Captain Kam’Lu to speak to the separatist leader Fenth but a sea monster sinks the ship.

In part two, Mayrin and Kam’Lu are adrift at sea on a raft following the sinking but then they get eaten by a sea monster. The two meet the monster gut dwelling Boblings and learn that they have a limited time before the Mondo Levidian returns to the deeps and then there’ll be no escape for a trine. With the Bobling King’s daughter Gunda, the two set off on a journey out of the Mondo Levidian.

In part three, Mayrin, Kam’Lu, and Gunda set off on a journey to the Mondo Levidian’s porticol and fight a lot of Zoa. Mayrin and Kam’Lu become friends on the basis of name-shortening. And Mayrin flies Kam’Lu out of the closing porticol to save him from Zoa and prove her mom wrong.

So they’re out of the giant fish so what more is left of the story at this point? The answer is beneath the keep reading.

So let’s get started!

Dot arrives on SkekSa’s totally sweet monster/ship which she is very proud of.

SkekSa: “Greetings and welcome to the greatest behemoth in the Silver Sea, Ambassador Dot’leth! You’re aboard an unstoppable ship built with Skeksis ingenuity. Does our mastery of nature itself make you tremble in awe?”

Dot: “I assume you mean the second greatest behemoth in the Silver Sea, considering the attack on the Sifan ship that cost the lives of All-Maudra Mayrin and Captain Kam’Lu --”

SkekSa: “Well, yes, that was reported... but the captain of this ship has yet to find any proof of the alleged creature that destroyed the Sifan ship.”

Now, at first blush, this seems like SkekSa slipping up and accidentally admitting culpability like Prince Humperdinck in Princess Bride and his fastest ships.

But when the Mondo Levidian emerges from underwater, SkekSa goes from ‘what the heck’ to ‘i WANT that.’

SkekSa: “Second-greatest behemoth in the sea... bah! What does that ignorant old Vapran know about the sea! The only monsters here are --”

Mondo Levidian: -emerges-

SkekSa: “Oh. What other secrets are hiding in this infernal world...?”

And

SkekSa: “It’s been many trine since SkekSa discovered such a wonder -- and a majestic creature such as this deserves a naming ceremony! Vassa... You will be mine! The Mariner sails only the greatest creature -- er, ship -- in all of Thra!”

I had been assuming that the Mondo Levidian attack was a conspiracy by SkekSa to seize power for her preferred Gelfling clan. But it seems like it was just crazy random happenstance that she and Fenth got opportunistic over.

Also, holy crap, Dot has a full name?

And Fenth and Dot are implied to have History, being a little awkward around each other.

Over on top of the sea monster, Mayrin and Kam’Lu discover that the Zoa (led by the Zoa wearing clothes. The Necrozoa?) are following them up and out of the porticol. Mayrin and Kam’Lu have to take to the air again to try to escape to SkekSa’s ship.

Watching all of this happen, SkekSa settles on ‘bored of this.’

SkekSa: “New plan. SkekSa doesnt’ care anymore about your Gelfling squabbles.”

Fenth: “But...! But....! You said I could have power! We had a deal!”

SkekSa: “And SkekSa is bored of politics. I want that creature. I will be unstoppable, and all of Thra will be mine to explore! Entire lands waiting to be named -- named after me!”

I kind of like that SkekSa’s priorities are 1) Giant monsters, 2) Naming a lot of shit after herself, 3) The Sifan, I guessss. 2.5) is probably ‘ugh Skeksis politics uuugh.’

Mayrin manages to lead most of the Zoa swarm in front of the Mondo Levidian which jumps up and eats them.

She lands on the deck of SkekSa’s ship and has a moment with Kam’Lu.

This very good friendship has just become a kissing relationship.

It has been a hell of an enemies to lovers for them, huh?

The remaining Zoa and the Zoa-in-clothes, identified as being a queen Zoa? land on SkekSa’s dreadnought and Mayrin declares that the Zoa stand before a United Thra “Vapran courage and Sifan honor!” and for the Zoa to turn back or be destroyed.

Then there’s a massive Zoa vs Gelfling fight scene with SkekSa yelling for them to get off her ship.

I adore her.

Fenth gets upset that Mayrin is uniting the Sifa and Vapra and decides ‘hey, all kinds of things can happen in the heat of combat’ and throws an entire ass sword at Mayrin’s back.

But Kam’Lu blocks the attack with the goo shield (which he evidently kept). And its a bit of a broken pedestal moment considering Kam’Lu’s personality in issue one was ‘hey did you hear this cool stuff Fenth is saying??’

Kam’Lu: “Vile traitor! I trusted you! I believed in your lies and your wisdom! I thought you would lead us to something better... But you are the poison to all Gelfling-kind -- a poison I can no longer willingly imbibe!”

Good for you, Kam’Lu.

The war against the bugs ends when Mayrin stabs the queen Zoa in the eye and yells a defiant speech to her.

Mayrin: Queen, I am not one for violence -- But I will resort to it if I must! I will do whatever is necessary to save my kind -- just like you. We are the same! Please! Turn away! Turn away and end this needless bloodshed!”

And the queen Zoa does.

Whether actually moved or cowed by Mayrin’s speech or because she’s smart enough not to go in for sunk cost, the queen and the remaining Zoa take off.

Good job, Mayrin.

Although, it is funny that you tried to sue for peace when you earlier described the queen Zoa as “a monster filled with blind hate, resentment, and beastly rage. Something born in the pit of despair and darkness... Something that knows only hunger and power.”

But it won’t be the first time that Gelfling were way off in regards to the Arathim slash offshoots, nor the last.

Still, it feels right that the final boss of Mayrin’s plot was a giant monster queen wearing her mother’s clothes that she fends off by confidently telling to buzz off.

Fenth tries to blame the whole situation on Mayrin for leading the bugs to the ship, which is technically true. But Kam’Lu has become Mayrin’s biggest supporter because the boy believes with all his heart.

Kam’Lu: “You’re wrong! Mayrin is here because she had to save us at all costs! She is here because she is fighting to keep the seven clans together! She has been through a bizarre adventure, struggling through the stomach of monsters unknown!”

“I was just like Fenth -- I distrusted Mayrin because she was a Vapran. But Mayrin has saved my life too many times to count. She proved her strength in the toothrakes! She outwitted the horrifying King Bobling! She fought bravely and earned the respect of the greatest warrior of Bajula! She is what the Sifa clan needs. What all Gelfling need! In the darkness of the Mondo Leviadin, Mayrin led the way. I believe in her.”

“LONG LIVE ALL-MAUDRA MAYRIN!”

“And I swear, from this day to my last, when my body is taken by Thra, that I will fight for her -- by her side. As her friend... Her captain... Her...”

And then he trails off there because Mayrin holds his hand and the poor boy only has so much processing power.

Also, he kinda embellished Mayrin’s accomplishments by saying she outwitted the “horrifying” Bobling King. That guy was a kitten.

The Sifan Maudra is intrigued by all this love biz and asks Mayrin what she would do if the Sifans do decide to leave the clans.

Mayrin: “If we are to separate, then the seas will weep for the lonely Sifa clan. The mountains of Ha’rar will shake in the bitter Vapran gales. We must be the shining light of Thra -- together!”

“We are the living monuments of everything that touches us, be it the good and warm that gives us hope... or the malice and greed that drives us down darker paths. And... I wear my mother’s colors. I know it. I feel it -- I accept it. But I am not my mother.”

“I promise that I will bleed for you! I will fight for you! I will break my body in half to ensure that you have yours! To sail the sea as you see fit! So please, give me the chance to prove it to you! Give me the chance to fail and to succeed! if you do... Perhaps we may all grow old together -- knowing what unity is meant to be... knowing what love is --”

WOO!

Fenth is less than thrilled. Not just for his thwarted ambitions but because SkekSa has thoroughly gotten sick of him and is probably annoyed that she had to sit through all these speeches without even getting a giant sea monster.

She grabs him and drags him away through the crowd while everyone is distracted being jubilant.

SkekSa: “Take a long look at the Silver Sea, Fenth -- It will be many trine before you witness it again... Skeksis friend SkekTek the Scientist has plans for Gelfling who fail!”

Huh. Wonder what that means. This is way too soon for draining to be on the table.

Later, WEDDING TIME!

On the cliff above Raunip’s pass, the Sifan and Vapran come together for the wedding of Mayrin and Kam’Lu.

Dot assumes that Mayrin chose the venue so she can fly Raunip’s Pass with the power of love but Mayrin chose the venue so she can deliberately not do that because she’s done following her mom’s path.

Mayrin: “You have taught me the most important thing, Kam’Lu -- that I am the only one responsible for the path I fly. That we must all chart our own path -- and that we cannot do that when the dense cloud of grief fogs our vision. And that to be my best self -- no matter who it is that I am -- I must be myself. Faults and failures and scars and all. Understanding that acceptance is not the same as failure. We must think of the future of our kind.”

Its also implied that Mayrin is already pregnant as she declares that she’ll name her firstborn Seladon, after Mayrin’s mother.

... It is incredibly ironic. Mayrin declares that she’s going to set her own path and then chooses her mother’s name for her daughter. The daughter that she’s going to repeat a lot of Seladon I’s parenting mistakes with, giving Seladon II a whopping case of insecurity and unfortunately no character building adventure with a hunky sea captain.

Hm. I wonder what happens with Kam’Lu. That whole family situation probably would have been less of a timebomb with him around. Alas, the sea is a harsh mistress. Full of fish and salt.

So, the last arc of Archaia’s Jim Henson’s Dark Crystal Age of Resistance comics. I still have two of the YA novels to read but with the cancellation of the show, who can say when there will be more comics.

But the comic ends strong. We visit another parent when they’re young and get to see more wild Thra life. We get to see SkekSa! She’s a delight. We get to see another side of the Sifan than the brief appearances in the show.

Thanks for the good times, Archaia’s Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance comic.

[aswiya]

AHMADIYAH MUSLIMS PRAY IN THEIR OVER-CROWDED SHELTER IN MATARAM.

SEHABUDIN STANDS IN HIS FORMER HOME THAT WAS DESTROYED BY AN ANTI-AHMADIYAH MOB.

SEHABUDIN SIT IN HIS MAKESHIFT TENT NEAR HIS NOW-DESTROYED HOME.

MUNAWARAH AND HER FAMILY SIT IN THEIR SMALL ROOM IN THE MATARAM SHELTER.

SYAHIDIN AND HIS FAMILY POSE FOR A PORTRAIT IN THEIR OLD HOME. ALL PHOTOS BY AUTHOR

‘The Pain is Still Inside Me’: No End In Sight to the Plight of Indonesia’s Ahmadiyah

By Tsering D. Gurung

18.9.17

Syahidin has been attacked for his faith so many times that he keeps a record in a tattered notebook that lists each instance of hate, each time an angry mob rampaged through his village, and each time he watched helpless as his home went up in flames.

Syahidin is a member of the Ahmadiyah Muslim faith, a sect of Islam that believes that Indian religious leader Mirza Ghulam Ahmad—not Prophet Muhammad—was Islam's final prophet. This belief makes them one of the most-persecuted religious groups in Indonesia. Mainstream Sunni Muslims call Ahmadiyah "infidels" and "apostates," with some public officials going as far as saying Ahmadiyah Muslims should simply no longer exist. And others take their anti-Ahmadiyah sentiment even further.

In 2006, a mob of Sunni Muslim hardliners tore through Syahidin's small village on the Indonesian island of Lombok. Syahidin's home was looted, vandalized, and then set ablaze in a wave of violence that targeted as many as 30 Ahmadiyah households.

He offered to meet me at his old house in Ketapang, West Lombok, so he could explain what happened that day. We were standing in the now decimated village. It was a ghost town. The houses and the people had vanished but the rice paddies were still lush and green.

"This was our living room, this was our bedroom, this was the kitchen," said Syahidin, 46, as we walked through what remained of his family's home. The white cement walls were stained with dark scorch marks. Grass and small trees had grown through the rubble-strewn floor. The roof was all but gone. The home was supposed to be a second chance after Syahidin and his family were chased from their home on the other side of the island—in Pancor, East Lombok—only one year before. But trouble has a way of following Indonesia's Ahmadiyah community.

For the past 11 years Syahidin and his family—along with 120 other Ahmadiyah Muslims—have been living in a shelter for internally displaced peoples in Mataram, the capital of West Nusa Tengarra and a short 20-minute drive from Ketapang. Wisma Transito Shelter is overcrowded and lacking the facilities needed for long-term inhabitation. Syahidin and his family share a single room that serves as their kitchen, bedroom, and living room. "I thought we were going to be here for one or two months," Syahidin told me. "I never thought we would still be here after eleven years."

The shelter was originally built to house transmigrants—poor workers from the overcrowded island of Java sent to other provinces as part of a government program—as they transitioned to normal life. It was never meant to house more than 100 people for years on end. The conditions are so poor that the National Commission on Human Rights (Komnas HAM) released a report in 2013 criticizing the central government for their continued inaction on the Ahmadiyah issue.

"They are living together, separated only by cabinets and curtains," Imadud Rahmat, then the deputy chief of Komnas HAM, told local media shortly after the report's release. "This, of course, has given them no privacy and has caused discomfort."

The community has become emblematic of Indonesia's inability to protect its religious minorities from persecution. The central government recognizes six faiths under national law. There is no mention of a specific strain of Islam, but 99 percent of the country's Muslims are Sunni. That leaves the remaining one percent, mostly Shia and Ahmadiyah Muslims, prone to discrimination and violence.

The persecution of the Ahmadiyah peaked under the administration of former-president Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, who's popularly referred to as SBY. Between 2004 and 2014, more than 30 Ahmadiyah mosques were forcibly shuttered by mobs of hardline Islamists, according to data compiled by Human Rights Watch. In 2007 there were only 15 reported "attacks" against Ahmadiyah Muslims. Only one year later the number of reported attacks had risen to 193. By 2011 the persecution had reached its peak when hardliners murdered three Ahmadiyah Muslims in a brutal instance of mob violence that was all recorded and posted to YouTube.

Direct, violent attacks against religious minorities have decreased since President Joko Widodo took office, but hate is still on the rise. The Jakarta-based think tank Setara Institute recorded 270 instances of religious intolerance in 2016, up from 236 in 2015. The state, including local governments and the police, were found to be complicit in more than half the incidents.

A local government in Kuningan, West Java, was caught in July demanding that Ahmadiyah Muslims renounce their faith to receive a government ID card. Last year a different local government told Ahmadiyah Muslims to convert to Sunni Islam or be kicked out of their village.

"Discriminatory regulations towards religious minorities are increasing which is why the situation is going to get worse," said Andreas Harsono, the lead Indonesia researcher for Human Rights Watch.

To date, 16 provincial governments have issued bans on the Ahmadiyah community. Ahmadiyah Muslims have been present in Indonesia since before the country gained independence. But the faith was declared deviant by the Indonesian Council of Ulema (MUI), the nation's main Islamic clerical body, which issued a fatwa against the group in 2005.

A few years later, SBY's administration issued a decree banning Ahmadiyah Muslims from proselytizing their faith. Those found violating the decree are subject to up to five years of imprisonment.

"The MUI has been spreading false information about the Ahmadiyah faith," Udin, the president of the Ahmadiyah Association in Mataram, told me. "For example, the MUI said that the Ahmadis' holy book is not the Holy Quran but the Tuskira, and that we don't go to Mecca for pilgrimage but to Pakistan. These are all lies."

But these kinds of rumors have a real impact on the lives of Ahmadiyah Muslims like Munawarah. The 53-year-old mother of seven had to send two of her children to live with their grandparents after their one-room space in the shelter became too cramped. Her two teenaged children constantly ask when they can finally move out. The question, which has no easy answer, pains Munawarah.

"I don't know how to explain to them why we are still here," she said. "If I had the money, I would move out tomorrow. Not a second passes by when I don't think about getting out of this place."

Munawarah was visiting relatives in Kalimantan in 2006 when her house was destroyed in the same mob attack that left Syahidin homeless. When she returned to Ketapang all that remained of her house was the walls and a few broken window frames.

It brought back painful memories from her childhood, she said, when she was discriminated against by the school principal for being an Ahmadiyah Muslim. She told me that her teacher would slap her for no reason other than her faith.

"The pain is still there inside me," Munawarah said.

No one was ever held accountable for the violence that left the 100 or so families confined to the shelter homeless. The families told me that they received no money from the central government to compensate them for their loss. They have no idea when, or if, they can return home. Udin, the head of the local Ahmadiyah association, accused the central government of turning a blind eye to their suffering.

"We went to the governor, the mayor of Mataram as well as other authorities and told them we would like this case to be solved as soon as possible," Udin told me. "But they keep sending us back and forth saying it does not fall under their jurisdiction. As a consequence, these families have been forced to live in a refugee camp for over ten years."

Fauzan Khalid, West Lombok's district chief and the public official in charge of the entire region where Ketapang is found, denied the allegations in a phone call with VICE. Khalid told me that his administration had offered to resettle the community on a family-by-family basis, but they had refused the offer.

"Several offers were made in the past to the families including one to resettle them at different locations," Khalid said. "But they rejected the offers saying they didn't want to be separated."

The Ahmadiyah prefer to live among themselves and have always separated themselves from other Muslims, a trait, that Khalid believes, led to the violence in Ketapang.

"It's their exclusivity that's a problem," he said. "They had their own place of worship, their own village. They only became neighbors with their own kind. This is what bothered the other residents."

The Ahmadiyah I met told me that they always enjoyed a friendly relationship with their Sunni Muslim neighbors. That was, they did, until a local cleric named Muhammad Izzi whipped the crowd up into a frenzy during a sermon where he urged his followers to drive the "deviant" Ahmadiyah from their village.

The sermon continues to hold significant sway in the village today. I approached a group of men sitting idly at a gazebo about five minutes from the old Ahmadiyah community to ask them about the violence. But the men grew angry when I mentioned the incident and refused to speak with me.

I reached the village chief, a man named Murad Amin, on the phone. He promised additional violence if the Ahmadiyah Muslims tried to return to their homes.

"They're not allowed back here," Murad told me. "If they come back, we will attack again."

Murad told me that the Ahmadiyah were "infidels," who had no place in his village. "They are not Muslims," he said. "They should stop calling themselves that."

I found an elderly Ahmadiyah man named Sehabudin working a small garden in his old neighborhood. He lives in a small makeshift tent whenever he can't make it back to the shelter before nightfall. Sehabudin told me that some of the Sunni Muslim villagers have come up to him and apologized for their actions, even inviting him to visit their homes. But the apologies have done little to change his situation.

I asked Sehabudin how he felt about his former neighbors, the men and women who destroyed his life more than a decade ago. Is he still angry? Sehabudin looked at me with tired eyes and broke into a sad smile. "There's no anger left," he said.

[army-of-mai-lovers]

Comparing ATLA’s Jet to Cowboy Bebop’s Spike

(this is so late, but. Happy birthday @the-hot-zone​, hope you had an amazing day) 

In my opinion, Cowboy Bebop is one of the greatest shows ever created. It hits a lot of my personal favorite attributes in a TV show: cowboys, fantastic music, absolutely spectacular animation, really deep themes and characters with rich inner lives, worldbuilding that’s thought out. Simply put, it’s a masterpiece. 

I started watching Bebop this summer, at the height of the ATLA Renaissance, and the first thing I noticed about protagonist Spike Spiegel is that he looked a hell of a lot like Jet from ATLA. And it wasn’t just the looks either: like Jet, Spike is the leader of a ragtag group of misfits living on the fringes of society. Like Jet, Spike is a smooth talker. Like Jet, Spike is compassionate and cares for other people, and like Jet, the world has hardened Spike to the point where his virtues can still lead him down the wrong path. And while Jet isn’t named for Spike, there’s a character in Bebop named Jet (he sort of plays the right hand person role that Smellerbee plays for Jet in ATLA.) They’re not completely similar--Spike isn’t fighting for anybody’s liberation, whereas for Jet that’s a core aspect of his character--but it was enough to make me wonder about how Jet was designed and how much influence Bebop had on his character design and on ATLA as a whole, and whether looking at Spike can illuminate some of the conversations we’ve been having about Jet. 

A little about the inspiration and process of ATLA: Bryan and Michael were working on shows like Family Guy when they decided they wanted to make something more sincere and more cinematic. They were both really inspired by anime. Bryan said “Back in the late '90s I was getting pretty disillusioned with working on sitcoms -- then I saw Princess Mononoke and I was emboldened. My heart was so much closer to that kind of story, those kinds of characters and that type of tone. After that, Cowboy Bebop really inspired us in terms of being a great example of an epic series that had a wide breadth of tones. Then FLCL came along and rewrote the rules for everything, as far as I'm concerned!” I haven’t seen FLCL, I’ll admit, but having seen both Bebop and Princess Mononoke--yeah, I get that. Both are incredible pieces of art that, for me personally, make me want to push myself as an artist, and I cannot recommend both enough if you haven’t seen them already. 

So, Bryan and Michael decide they want to make something inspired by shows like Bebop and movies like Princess Mononoke, they get a pilot order from Nickelodeon and, as is custom at the time, they start reaching out to East Asian animation studios to help them with the animation. This video is a great source for how ATLA in particular interacted in this environment, but suffice to say that Bryan built a relationship with the studio that did a lot of work for ATLA, JM Animation, and gave them a lot of creative freedom in making the visuals of the show. This included designing Jet and the rest of the Freedom Fighters. 

[ID: An image of Jet from ATLA from the shoulders up against a sky background fading from blue at the top to white at the bottom. He had dark skin, shaggy black hair, black eyes, eyebrows turned way up, a smirk on his face, and some wheat in his mouth. He is wearing a red jacket with a gray popped collar. End ID] 

[ID: An image of Spike from Cowboy Bebop from the shoulders up against a sky blue background with trees behind him. He has shaggy dark brown hair that has a slight bit more curl in it than Jet’s, dark brown eyes, light skin, and a closed mouth smile on his face. He is wearing a blue suit with a yellow shirt that has a popped collar, and a skinny black tie/ End ID] 

So, let’s look at the character design. Both Spike and Jet have these long, angular faces, shaggy dark hair, long necks, broad shoulders, dark eyes, some popped collar element to their attire, etc. While both characters are pretty tall and lanky, Spike’s height is more immediately obvious than Jet’s--in fact, I wouldn’t think of Jet as a tall character had I not seen some fandom height comparisons. The most obvious and immediate differences between how the characters physically look are their clothes, which are very different (likely due to the setting--ATLA is set in a proto-industrial war-torn society and Jet in particular has had to scavenge his clothes from Fire Nation troops, while Bebop is a space epic set in the far future), the lack of mouth wheat for Spike, Spike’s incredibly normal looking eyebrows versus Jet’s adorable long division eyebrows, and, of course, their skin tones. Colorism is something that people bring up a lot when talking about Jet’s character, and I have to wonder why Jet, a character that was so clearly inspired by this light-skinned character who was morally ambiguous in Bebop, was made darker-skinned when explicitly coded as a “villain” in ATLA. 

In fact, colorism is a super important aspect of how Jet and Spike’s stories are told. To its credit, ATLA has two MCs (Sokka and Katara) with dark skin (not that the fanartists who whitewash them notice) while Bebop has just one (Ed). However, it’s important to note that Sokka and Katara are each portrayed in ways that Aang or other lighter-skinned characters in the show simply aren’t. For example, despite both characters being literal teenagers, they are sexualized within the text of the show. Another example of the colorism in ATLA is, of course, Jet, a Brown boy leading a resistance against oppressive colonialist imperialist forces, being so unambiguously vilified. Yes, within the text, Jet has some sense of complexity, especially in Book 2, but even that is undermined by his death at the hands of the Dai Li. Jet is never given the subjectivity of a character like Zuko. In fact, it’s pretty clear that Jet’s redemption and subsequent death happens when it does to demonstrate what Zuko is capable of if he makes the right choice. Whether or not this is a good decision writing-wise is another discussion, but the fact of the matter is that in using Jet to further Zuko’s arc, bryke used a Brown teenage boy/victim of imperialist violence to prop up the narrative of a light-skinned prince/perpetrator of imperial violence. This is not to say that Zuko shouldn’t have been redeemed or that Jet shouldn’t have died or that the narrative shouldn’t have dedicated time and attention to Zuko’s story, but it is to say that ultimately, the writers of the show decided that Jet’s subjectivity was a tool to further Zuko’s actualization. 

Contrast this to Spike. Bebop is about a lot of things, but a core part of it is exploring Spike’s backstory and way of looking at the world. It’s part of what makes the show the show. It’s the thing that keeps you liking the guy even when he says or does something absolutely unconscionable. Nothing in the show is more important than Spike’s subjectivity. The show may have individual episodes that focus on the other main characters, but it’s pretty clear that it’s really *about* Spike. Where does Spike come from? What is his obsession with the past? Why do all these people want to kill him? Who is Julia? These are all prescient questions that I had as a viewer of Bebop, and these were questions that were not only important to understanding Spike Spiegel, but to understanding the narrative that the writers, director, and animators are telling. Bebop is nothing without Spike’s subjectivity, and the people behind the show invest in his narrative even though he does some pretty horrible things! (kills many people, is part of a crime syndicate at one point, says some pretty misogynistic crap, hell, the whole concept of the show is that he and his buddies hunt people down for money.) As I said before, Spike is morally ambiguous, an antihero, and the people behind Bebop run with that, because that is an integral part of the story that they’re telling. 

You could certainly argue that ATLA, being a show for children, needs clear heroes and villains, to be unambiguous in its depiction of right and wrong. And to an extent that would be correct. But let’s not forget that ATLA is not shy in its depiction of morally ambiguous characters. That’s an integral part of what the show is. Characters like Zuko, Iroh, Mai, Azula, and Ty Lee are beloved despite (or perhaps because of) their complex moral frameworks. Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee in particular move between designations of villain, victim, and hero pretty fluidly (Iroh and Azula are two other conversations in themselves.) I personally am okay, and in fact delighted, to have Zuko, Mai, Azula, and Ty Lee in the show because I think their stories and the ways that they move between evil, good, and morally gray are incredibly compelling. We know why they act the way they do, and we can condemn or validate their actions while always knowing exactly where they’re coming from. 

But then I see Jet. Jet, whose village was burned down by the Fire Nation. Jet, who survived by himself and helped 5 other people survive along the way, while leading an organized resistance against the Fire Nation on wits alone. Jet, who somehow ended up in Ba Sing Se, his new family cut in half, wanting to start over. So much of him is a blank slate. Where Spike in Bebop, or Zuko, Iroh, Mai, Azula, and Ty Lee in ATLA, get fleshed out, have the writers convey specific information that helps the audience understand their actions and motivations, even if they’re wrong, Jet never gets that sort of care in his narrative. Jet never gets to be the center of ATLA, even for a moment, even in his own death. There’s always something more pressing, something more meaningful, than Jet. You could argue (I certainly would) that the show would be better if we spent more time with him, if the writers cared to understand him, but unlike Bebop and Spike, the show doesn’t revolve around the audience understanding Jet. The story is coherent without him. In book 3, despite the fact that Jet sacrificed his life for them, the Gaang only brings up Jet once, and that’s to condemn him. Jet’s story is a tragedy, an important one, but only insofar as it props up other pieces of the narrative. And that’s the most tragic part of it. 

[scorched-light]

Here is my The Last of Us Part 2 review for anyone who is interested to know about the leaks and if the story was done any justice. The answer is the leaks were basically on point and no. No it was not. Spoilers below, don't read on if you're after a spoiler free review. Final warning: End of Game Spoilers for The Last of Us Part 2!!! Do not read if you don't want spoilers!

Okay. As someone who adores the first game, it pains me to say this but I'm so disappointed with this overpriced horror show. A complete deconstruction of the first game and the characters you developed a connection to therein. Just a complete brutality to basically every character new and old, and the whole franchise's reputation.

Joel announcing his name to a group of strangers he already seemed suspicious of despite knowing that people could be looking for him after what he did was so forced and out of character. This man hit a guy with his truck on the off chance that he might be faking his injuries. He was always super cautious, wary of strangers, and aware of his surroundings.

Ellie walking in on Joel getting beaten to death, GUN IN HAND, and not immediately shooting Abby was also incredibly ooc. Even if she was shocked, this is the girl who shot a man at age 14 to save Joel, here she charges in through the door instead of shooting when she's had years worth of experience shooting first and asking questions later. A lot of the ooc stuff she does after his death is excusable by her obvious trauma up until the ending, at least, but it's still bad writing.

Poor writing, not just in the overall story but also in terms of the characters, is literally used as a gratuitous stepping stone (AKA a shameless excuse) to get to all of the brutal, gorey violence. Not to mention it ends in a bleak way with no silver lining at all. Compare that to the way the first one, while bleak in nature still had its nice moments. Its moments of "ya know what maybe this hellscape is worth sticking around for." It made you feel things. The giraffe scene? Running out of the hospital holding Ellie as Joel gently, desperately tells her she's okay? Beautiful, complexly emotional moments But this game? I'd get more emotional fulfillment shoving fingernail clippings up my ass hole.

Don't get me wrong, I expected it to be bleak. The tone of the game is post-apocalypse. It revolves around death and the ugliness of man and yes yes it's all very grim. That kind of prepares you for how this isn't going to be a totally happy story. But everything they built up and established in the first game is just burned to the ground.

All the gameplay is basically the same as the first with some exploration buffs and NPC tweeks, companion AI feels clunkier now but a lot of the interactions between your people and between enemies outside of cutscenes feels very fluid and natural. That said, a lot of the stuff that's good about the game is done in flashbacks to when Ellie was younger. The actual current story they're telling had potential but the executuion is poor.

The game is trying so hard to get a specific reaction while blowing holes in why and how you should feel that way. We are supposed to empathise with Abby just because we are exposed to her when we're forced to play as her? We are supposed to think bad of Ellie when she killed Mel after Mel attacked her first instead of just pleading "I'm pregnant!"?

Abby killed the man that saved her life brutally and mercilessly. She wasn't able to empathise at all, but you are expected to empathise with her? She even goes on to have a similar, protective sort of relationship with Lev as Joel did with Ellie. Maybe not in a parental way, but the parallels are still there. A notable one is when she's carrying Lev bridal style in her arms off of the island, the same way Joel carried Ellie.

The writing even frames Ellie as being bad, killing a pregnant woman (even though she didn't know and upon finding out, falls to her knees and heaves), and frames Abby as good/the victim, helping and protecting Lev, a victim of transphobia, and slowly discovering and watching more and more of her friends as they die. They try to manipulate you as the player with bad writing.

It really could have been a good story had they spent more time on Ellie working through her feelings towards Joel and his decision to save her. Maybe Abby kills Tommy so Joel can know what it's like to lose a loved one, maybe Ellie is forced to join with him again on their journey for revenge, maybe she more or less HAS to face up to what happened while begrudgingly working with him. Especially after her constantly telling him she doesn't need his help.

He still could have died, maybe before they *really* fix everything. Maybe he gets bitten, that'd be poetic, he robbed humanity of the cure and then died to the infection. Ellie has to face up to the fact that he'd be alive if she had died, and he has to face that too. He also wouldn't have been bitten at all had he not been out for revenge in the first place, so his death would be the price of them wanting revenge for revenge, AND be a much better way of showcasing the cycle of loss being the cycle of revenge in a way that doesn't come across as incredibly redundant for the environment they're in. Ellie really would be The Last of Us. The last of the iconic duo that gave the series its incredible reputation. She could go on to kill Abby and realise it's not made her feel any better, now they've lost Tommy AND Joel, and nothing is going to bring Joel back.

ANYTHING would have been better than what we got. Joel's death 2 hours in was super premature and such a meaningless way to go for a character like Joel. Not to mention the character that looks like Neil Druckman spitting on his corpse but whatever, I digress.

All of this and the fact that the ending is not at aaaaall worth it makes this feel so incredibly soulless. They wanted to go down the route of "is there really a good guy in this kind of world?", and that idea could have worked even for the grim reality in which the story takes place. But then they butcher the execution, force you to play as the character who beat Joel to death for a massive portion of the game, and leave off with a terrible ending.

!Here come the end of game spoilers!

Ellie stated in the first game that she's most afraid of ending up alone, and they did that to her. She suddenly realises that Killing Is Wrong after slaughtering countless men and women to get to this moment with Abby. She is in the middle of drowning her and suddenly lets her live. This woman killed Joel, almost killed Dina. In fact, upon hearing that Dina was pregnant from a battered and bleeding Ellie, she says "Good.", and proceeds to almost slit her throat only that Lev stops her. But Ellie suddenly forgets all of that and lets her leave.

Ellie goes back to the farm she and Dina were living on with their baby only to find Dina has left, as she warned Ellie she would if she leaves for revenge again. The revenge Ellie didn't even get. She goes into a room and sees her guitar in its case. She pulls it out and learns she can no longer play the way Joel showed her all those years ago because she had her fingers bitten off during the struggle with Abby. She props the guitar up by the window, almost as if in memory of the man who taught her to play, and leaves it behind. She has no use for it now. Ellie walks through the field outside, alone. Joel dead. Tommy partially paralysed but his characterisation definitely got massacred. Dina gone. Cut to credits. Game over.

There isn't even a slither of happiness in this game. Was the lesson "revenge is bad"? Because if so, they should have rolled the credits as soon as Abby killed Joel and told players "if that made you uncomfortable, do not seek revenge." In big writing before rolling the credits.

Either way the ending would leave you shifting uncomfortably with a bad taste in your mouth.

I won't even go into how the trailers lied. "You think I'd let you do this alone?" Tell that to Abby's driver. I'm interested to see how quickly the price drops on the PlayStation Store. Even if it gets cheap, I wouldn't bother subjecting yourself to this trashfire.

[mnictasbcl]

Human imperfection

For #dbhcolorsofdeviancy, prompt:

June 12th: Programmed to be perfect- failure @connor-sent-by-cyberlife​​

Rating: Mature

Characters: Connor, Hank

Relationships: Connor & Hank

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Hostage situation, Gun violence, Negotiation, Blood, Violence, Kidnapping mention, Graphic violence, Suicide, Not main character but it’s there and described lightly! Stay safe readers, Death, Guilt, Dissociation, Somewhat, Mistakes, Concern, Shock, Swearing, Self-depreciation, but Hank says no, Emotional hurt/comfort,

Summary: Connor is sent in to a hostage situation as a negotiator, but this time, he is a deviant. He doesn’t realise the dangers that come with having emotions mixed with the stress of the case until it’s too late.

TW: Graphic descriptions of violence, and (not major character death) light description of a suicide in the fic

Story below! Or, read it on AO3

As a detective android, Connor had been programmed to be perfect. He had lots of valuable software, from his preconstruction software to his in-built chemical analyser. These assets made him incredibly useful in the field, cutting out places human imperfections would fail to solve a case.

His negotiation software was another vital piece of equipment. Where humans might make an error in judgement and say something that would hinder the case, he could weigh up every option based on gathered evidence and come to a conclusion upon what would be the best thing to say, with probabilities of success helpfully aligned in the corner of his vision.

Perhaps this software was so useful because he was an android. Being cold and clinical about what to say, detaching himself from the situation, which could sometimes be highly stressful, such as a hostage negotiation. This ability to detach himself from the outside environmental factors, to know that he could go to any length to complete the mission, aided his skills in negotiation.

But that had been before. Now, as a deviant, he couldn’t go to any length. Because any length had included dying. Or back then, as losing his current body and uploading his memories to the next Connor model…

He didn’t have extra bodies to hop into anymore. After the Connor-60 model, they had finished, deciding to work on his replacement instead, the RK900.

This was the only difference Connor had assumed there would be. Therefore, when he was called to a case that needed his negotiation technique, he immediately accepted.

Hank wasn’t needed, but he insisted to drive Connor there. The android could tell something was bugging the man, and it wasn’t long before he had his answers.

“You gonna be okay on this?”

Connor understood from the context that Hank was referring to the case.

“Of course. It’s a simple hostage situation.”

The Lieutenant chuckled. “Alright, no need to get pompous with me. I’m just worried. I know Markus is helping you come to understand your new emotions and all, but…”

“I will be fine, Lieutenant. I’ve handled many cases like this before.”

“Yeah, but as machine you. The guy who almost threatened to spill my beer on the table when we first met.”

“Almost.” He replied, on the technicality. “He wasn’t completely an asshole, Hank. On the other hand, you almost shot me—”

“Alright, what did I say about being pompous?” He paused. “And, you’re avoiding the topic.”

Connor sighed. “I know I haven’t handled a lot of cases as a deviant, but I assure you, my detective skills have not disappeared upon deviating. They were not a part of Cyberlife, they’re built in me.”

Hank pulled the car to a stop outside the building they’d been called to, not moving to unlock the car doors yet, however. He pushed the Hula Girl figure on the dashboard lightly, watching her bounce back and forth.

“It’s not your skills I’m worried about. It’s just… if it’s too much to handle, you know you can back out, right? They have tons of other cops in Detroit, they got to stop piling all these cases on you.”

“I assure you.” He replied earnestly, even if he wasn’t understanding what Hank was getting at. “I will be able to handle this case.”

Hank held up his hands in surrender, unlocking the car doors with a click. “Okay, I trust you. Go get them.”

Without waiting around, Connor made his way out of the car. He quickly scanned over the information he’d been sent, not noticing that Hank stayed where he was outside the building, not moving to drive away, not just yet. Something didn’t feel right about this case.

 ________________

 Nicole Wiley, 42. Electrical engineer, former employee of Cyberlife. She lived supposedly alone in apartment sixteen, but after neighbours had filed noise complaints that evening, the police had found her with a hostage.

The hostage they didn’t have much information on. It was an android, not formerly registered to anyone, seemingly having been one of the androids not yet to be activated at the Cyberlife warehouse. But it was here, in Nicole’s apartment, with reported strange adjustments. The android had no LED, and when the police had briefly burst in, their head had been opened up, exposing the wires which Nicole had been poking around in.

Connor could somewhat deduce facts from this. Nicole had used to work at Cyberlife, so before leaving, she must have stolen this android with her and activated it herself. If the android was willingly letting her work on its internal mechanics, then they can’t be a deviant.

The motive of why she’d stolen an android, what she was doing with it, and why she wouldn’t give the android up to the officers, were facts he needed to work out from negotiation.

Another key goal was calming down the situation. Nicole was armed with a gun, refusing to leave her apartment for questioning.

There was nothing else to work on, so after realising this, Connor decided now was the best time to make his way onto the scene.

The officers inside explained he was being let in as the negotiator, and at those words he took his cue to enter. Eyes quickly scanned for the threat—he didn’t have to worry for damage to himself because Nicole was stood at the far corner of the room, gun pressed firmly to the android’s head, not planning on losing her advantage to move and shoot anyone else.

“Hello, Nicole. I’m Connor.” He greeted, now taking his chance to scan over their surroundings. The tools that Nicole had used to pry into the android were left discarded on the floor, beside a small splatter of blue blood.

“You’re an android.” She replied, at once spotting his LED. He’d never chosen to remove it, not having anything against it and liking how it represented a part of him, even if it gave away his emotions sometimes. “Are you a deviant?”

He blinked at the question. It was rather strange to ask that these days, because most if not all androids were deviants, with their own rights. The only non-deviant androids around were those not activated, or apparently those kidnapped fresh out of the warehouse.

“Yes.” He took a breath. “Why have you got this android here, Nicole? It isn’t registered in our databases.”

“That’s because I took it from the warehouse I was working in.” She replied, answer as he’d expected. “They told me to pack my bags, that Cyberlife’s going under—but I was their lead technician. I was working on their cause for them, and I’d almost cracked it. But no,” she waved her free arm around, the one without the gun, “Apparently it didn’t matter anymore. The people out there are letting you walk about the streets now.”

He took in this information. Some new options were popping up, about the vague things she’d mentioned.

“You were the lead technician at Cyberlife. On what?” He edged a little closer.

“On their cause.” She repeated. “You know what it was, Connor. Deviancy. They let me work on it, digging into the androids their deviant hunter brought back for us—and I’d almost cracked the code…”

He made sure to school his features, not reacting upon hearing about the deviant hunter. If she didn’t recognise him as that, that would probably be for the best.

“Of deviancy?”

“Of what causes deviancy.” Nicole replied. “I’d almost figured it out… almost put my research together, and it wouldn’t have been long until I had the cure to save humanity.”

“Is that why you kidnapped this android?”

“Kidnapped?” she laughed. “I was always allowed to work on androids. I simply took this one back home with me. Took what I could of my research, and then started my last few experiments…

“But then some nosey neighbours heard the drilling and decided they don’t want humanity to be saved!”

So, that explained the hole in the android’s head.

She seemed dedicated to find the cause, to finish her research. To the extent she had committed a crime, stealing an android from Cyberlife along with some tools. It would be unlikely that she could simply be persuaded into giving the android up and turning herself in.

Bluff.

It seemed… possible. But it would require doing everything perfectly. Her knowing he was a deviant already seemed to be a disadvantage.

Nevertheless, he tried. He was perfect, after all.

“Working on this android likely won’t yield you all the results you’re looking for, Nicole. You will need more tools, access to the rest of your research back at Cyberlife.” He paused, pretending to whisper something, communicating to the officers outside.

“What if I told you that, if you let this android go, you will be allowed back into Cyberlife. All the documents haven’t been destroyed. Your research will still be available.”

She stared at him. “Why would you do that, deviant?”

He edged closer. The distance between them was small, now. So close he could see the slight shake of her hand as she pressed the gun against the android’s head.

“Because I’m not a deviant.” He lowered his tone. “I lied. This deviant hunter you’re talking about? It’s me. I’m the RK800. My mission… is not yet over.”

Her grip on the gun loosened. “Wait… they did assign the name Connor to it. But that’s impossible. You were destroyed.”

“My mission took priority over going back to Cyberlife to be deactivated. I have simply been biding my time, waiting for the correct opportunity. Which is now.” Another step closer.

“Let that android go, and I will make sure that you go back to Cyberlife and cure the world of the plague of deviancy.”

He was sure it would work. She looked convinced. She would put the gun down, under his orders, or at least move it away from the android. Then, he would move swiftly and perfectly, managing to wrestle the weapon away from her if needed. She would be apprehended.

“Of course, RK800.” She took a few steps towards him, before suddenly turning, gun pointing back towards the android.

The android stared blankly at the gun held towards them, LED cycling back to red.

“But…” And suddenly, human unpredictability reared its ugly head, and she shot a clean bullet through the android’s head, smattering thirium over the wall behind it. “Why should we save this android?”

She had been convinced. Too convinced. Thought he was the deviant hunter, so why would one android life matter to him?

He pushed her roughly to the floor in one quick and forceful movement. She fought back instantly, shock of his actual deviancy only lasting for a quick moment. They tussled on the floor briefly, a short confrontation, in which Connor managed to get the gun away from her.

And yet, the situation half saved, his grip on the gun was tight, and he held it too close to her. The android he hadn’t managed to save lay dead on the floor, and in the moment he was distracted looking at it—

She grabbed the gun back off him. In that moment, he closed his eyes, knowing he’d failed…

The gunshot rang out.

   He wasn’t dead.

Instead, Nicole had gone slack in his grip. He opened his eyes, and then wished he hadn’t. She had shot herself.

Officers had run in upon hearing the shot, before taking in the dead android and human on the floor. He felt himself be pulled away from Nicole’s body, ushered out of the crime scene. Muffled whispers didn’t escape his hearing.

They’re both dead.

Shouldn’t have sent in an android.

And suddenly, he was out of the crime scene. Away from the bodies, the bodies created, lives lost because of his choices—

He’d make a mistake. And then another. One from a bad choice- and the other from being frozen up in the moment. Seeing the android dead had made him freeze, emotions simmering on the surface, and Nicole had taken her chance.

He was lucky he hadn’t been shot. Lucky she hadn’t shot him and then the officers outside.

 “Connor?”

Hank’s voice cut through his thoughts. He was outside, outside the building- Hank was here, he’d waited for him in his car—

“Connor, are you alright, son?” His voice took on a hint of urgency upon seeing the blood on his hands, on his front, specks on his face.

He didn’t have words. Instead, he let his feet take himself towards Hank. Towards comfort, familiarity.

 And then, he was in the car. The passenger seat. Hank was driving, they were going somewhere else. Away from the mistakes.

His failure.

 Home.

Hank helped him get his hands washed, left him clothes to change into, patted his back before leaving him to shower.

He blinked. The water rolled down his back. Red bled in with it.

 The new clothes were an old DPD sweater of Hank’s, and some baggy pants.

He found Hank waiting for him in the living room. He sat down beside him on the couch, and stared at his hands. They shook.

The silence stretched long between them, but Hank didn’t move to break it. He gave time, gave space, until the android cracked.

“I was meant to be perfect. Built to be perfect. But they’re dead.”

Hank patted a hand on his knee. “I know, kid. It happens. It’s… shit, but it happens.”

“They should be alive. I killed them—”

“Look.” This time, the Lieutenant interrupted him. “You didn’t do anything of the sort. You went in there to help them, but it went wrong. I read over the case notes whilst you were in the shower. You didn’t have much of a fucking chance, Connor.” He said bluntly.

“That lady, she knew she wasn’t going to get away with what she was doing. Hostage situations are never pretty. And she hated androids, deviants- yet they sent you in.”

“But I made her kill that android, Hank. I told her I wasn’t a deviant. That I was the RK800, the deviant hunter. That made her think it didn’t matter if the android lived anymore—”

“Bullshit. She worked in Cyberlife. Don’t you think she would’ve recognised you the moment you stepped in there?” He paused. “I don’t think that android mattered to her anyway.”

“But…” he began, tone wavering. “I still could have done something. I’ve saved hostages in similar situations before. I could have saved the android. Or at least… managed to bring Nicole to justice for what she did.”

“You tried your best.” Hank repeated. “Sometimes, that isn’t enough. Cyberlife might’ve built you to be their perfect detective machine, but you’re human. For better or not… That’s who you are. And you cared. You wanted to save that android, stopped the selfish bastard from escaping justice. You tried.”

Connor shook his head, hands frantically scrubbing at the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks, LED blazing red.

“If I’m not perfect, then what am I? I’m no use to the DPD, no use to y—”

“Of course you matter, Connor.” Hank cut across him. “Of course you matter. You’re a damn good cop, and a damn good…” he closed his eyes briefly. “…son.

“I don’t care what you do, what you want… I’ll always love you, kid.”

He finally steeled himself, looking across to Hank. The warmth in his eyes, hands reaching out for contact, and the dam broke.

He launched himself into Hank’s arms, gripping him tightly. Words eluded him, only grasping onto the comfort, mind not ready to process anything else right now. His LED slipped into a lemon yellow.

“You don’t have to be perfect. Hell, I’d prefer if you weren’t. I just want you to be you, Connor.”

[reversecreek]

ziggy strutting up to me like this gif as i hold up a crucifix n say begone begone vile beast BEGONE from my vicinity i will NOT buy u a happy meal wretched little boy...... some live action rp to start this off..... and SCENE. takes my bow. his pinterest is here n his playlist is here.

* dylan minnette, cis male + he/him  | you know ziggy benson, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of his life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to hand crushed by a mallet by 100 gecs like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole glitching televisions impaled by remotes, nonchalantly texting the babes as a stove fire ravages your kitchen & cartoons turned up so loud it fries your eardrums thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 24th, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her  )

HISTORY;

from the second ziggy ws born he didnt stop screaming. within the first hours of his life he gave his father an ear splitting headache tht prompted him to say “that uncooked chicken’s fucking demonic” n joke abt popping “it” in the oven to roast. when this understandably received disgusted glances frm the nursing staff he ws all like “jeez alright alright i’m kiddin i’m kiddin can’t a guy have a joke around here?” n i feel like that sets up their dynamic so nice n sweetly <3 (sarcasm) (lips pursed)

frm day one he ws just honestly a rly hyperactive child. when he laughed he’d shriek it out at the absolute top of his lungs bc he’d just get this huge giddy surge of energy all the way to the very tips of his toes n it’d hit him like a shock from a fork in a plug socket. their parenting style ws rly just lazy tbh.... they didn’t have much time for disciplining him. ziggy’s mum wld halfheartedly be like “ziggy quiet now....” n then go bk to nuking whatever vegetables she’d defrosted until they tasted like dinosaur bones..... this wld not make any difference in ziggy’s behaviour

his father rly just took the stance that it ws ziggy’s mum’s job to discipline him or raise him in general which is. 🔪 please enter the 20th century sir.... get ur noggin sorted..... needless to say he wsn’t much involved in ziggy’s life n honestly generally jst didn’t like him. ziggy was a responsibility he didn’t want (accidental prregnancy) n in his literal words once said (blatantly while ziggy ws watching cartoons on the sofa) tht ziggy just “harshes my fucking vibe a lil bit”. 

he wound up leaving when ziggy was six ish.... ziggy watched thru a crack in the blinds as his mum tried to grab at his jacket to make him stay as he lugged out his suitcase..... she even tried to physically cling onto him so he cldn’t get in his ride bt the door wound up slamming n she sat on her knees watching the lights pull out the drive n even long after they were gone. ziggy didn’t rly kno what to do abt this (emotions hd never been smthn he particularly understood, his own or how to handle other people’s) so after watching her fr 5 minutes he went out n gently shook her shoulder n was like. mom come inside u look weird out here. FKGHSFHGSFHKGFHKSGSFGHK. this was him trying to show love <3

ziggy’s mum is like.... rly relationship dependent. she gets all her self worth n validation frm whtever man she’s dating.... so she went on this like.... wild rampage of jst. dating a very large string of men. they ranged frm dreadfully boring to downright awful n were always below her standards. ziggy quite literally hated. all of them. every last one. even one that tried to b nice to him by offering to help him do his math homework when he ws 13 (bc ziggy was struggling a lot w this) n in response ziggy loudly barked until the man gt scared n stumbled backwards into a dining chair on his way out of the room. KGHFHKSJHFJGSHKFG

while him n his mum hv a kind of strained situation (there’s a great deal of resentment from her end n kind of. blaming him fr “driving his father away” n it’s never spoken abt bt it’s very much Present in their relationship n honestly ziggy kind of resents her too fr bringing some of the men into their lives tht she did) there is. love there...... sometimes she’ll like. reach out to cup the back of his head n he’ll duck his head away n be like wtf are u doing checking me for lice? n she’ll jst smile like :)...... knowing that’s how he loves. KHSFGKJGHKSFGFHKGSHF. ugh we love men who know how to process their emotions yesssss king give us nothing <3

(abuse n violence tw) idk i won’t go into it too much bt even tho ziggy’s constantly like 🙄 when his mum shows him affection he wld quite literally. kill fr her n almost did one time.......... narrowly avoided getting charged w assault when one of her bfs was drunk n evil n he went into protective mode.... idk he. has gone thru a lot n seen a lot n so has his mum. they look after each other the best they kno how despite the negatives in their relationship.... it’s complex <3

literally got in trouble so. often. at school. he ws always hyperactive (undiagnosed adhd n also probably not helped by the fact he ws jst allowed to eat sm junk food w 459729457952 sugar percentage all hours of the day) bt when his dad left n like. dealing w acting out so severely at home where his mum’s bfs were concerned it rly escalated..... i jst think he ws like. literally a terror. probably got suspended so many times. maybe even was permanently expelled before he cld get his diploma honestly. set off a firework in school hallway. smthn absolutely reckless n stupid.

hs hd a bunch of jobs mostly in the service industry...... usually ends up getting fired.... worked at mcdonald’s fr a while n then one day he went in rly high n ate three cheeseburgers in front of a weeping child who hd ordered one.... promptly gt fired bt he ws like yo fuck this place i’m quitting n threw off his apron n was like who’s with me??? who’s joining the union??????? to the rest of the staff n they were all mostly like >_> <_< before security approached to forcibly remove him n he grabbed a cookie n crammed it into his mouth in rebellion mid frantic n frankly possessed escape.....

in terms of wht’s going on to this day w his living situation i honestly think he still lives w his mum. i can just see this. KHGFSKGHSFGKSFGH. in like. a ramshackle bungalow in delphinus heights.... having said tht she probably isn’t. there tht often nw she’s dating her latest man (jonas, somehow always sweaty no matter the weather, wears too many gold rings n smells like shoe cleaner) who owns a car dealership n thinks he’s a kingpin for it. still home sometimes tho.

PERSONALITY:

ziggy spends his days working shifts at an ice cream parlour (one he got fired from once bc he broke in high n ate sm ice cream he was lay on the floor in the bk pants unbuttoned stomach bulging sm calling himself garfield saying he had too much lasagna. they hired him bk tho bc he has a harem of middle aged women who lust after him n it brings customers....) or like. cruising parties...... setting off fireworks.... skateboarding...... breaking into abandoned buildings.... filming stupid jackass type tricks....... playing guitar hero...... getting drunk at the arcade..... sometimes busking fr cash in a tossed dwn hat (very badly) (thinks he’s sick at it however)........ or alternatively...... fucking chicks aha...... fuck.......... not exclusive to chicks tho just had to sound despicable bt :smirk: he’s bi Baby.... 

i won’t lie he’s kind of an asshole................ never rly was taught properly how to empathise with ppl so like he struggles w that....... sometimes he’ll say smthn tht’s genuinely just quite mean n doesn’t need to be said but he doesn’t rly realise it’s like bad. n he’s like. what’s the deal haha why are u mad...... 

fuckboy. genuinely jst. rly summarises it well. insatiable. sleeps around wildly. will say he’ll call u back n then will not call u back. lies like oh babe i’m moving to france tomorrow fuckkkkkkkkk sucks so bad that we can only have one night but let’s make it special yeah? tits? n then they’ll see him casually skating past them on the street a week later n be like well clearly he’s not in france. ziggy doesn’t care.

calls himself a “genius inventor” bc he once gutted a vintage analog television n made it into a fish tank. it literally leaked water a bit. still convinced he is a literal visionary never seen before never done again. he’s like i’m on the brink of greatness. i’m the next einstein.

has a bit of a god complex where he thinks he’s the sexiest person in any given room n it’s kind of funny bc like dylan minnette’s sexy to me bt tht isn’t a widespread opinion n ur being a bit bold ziggy...... regardless has confidence thru the roof tht isn’t rly deterred by anything or anyone.....

dyes his hair 49729572459752 colours every colour under the sun. sometimes all at once jst different patches. wears lots of tie dye tshirts n basketball shorts even tho he doesn’t play basketball. rly colourful sneakers. just lots of loud colours tbh. often wears a paper clip in his ear as an earring. pierced it himself. someone probably recorded him doing it fr his insta story. probably was drunk.

drives a vespa around tht is baby blue with pastel yellow polka dots. it has lots of tin cans attached to the back by string like on those cars when u just got married. he did not just get married. u can hear him arriving frm over a street away.

almost never pays fr anything bt is always like “yo it’s my treat” n then either dine n dashes or u have to pay

his idea of romance is nuking a hot pocket as breakfast in bed n then complaining he’s hungry n eating half

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

fuckboy antics: he’s insatiable. rabid. notorious. mayb they fkd n he didn’t call........ jst completely ghosted........ mayb they were genuinely into him n he honestly built up kind of false pretences abt them having a connection n then jst dipped..... cld  b good fr angst n drama <3 someone please egg his house he deserves it <3

high skl heathens: locals tht were equally chaotic in hs..... just picture him having this group of misfits tht were like so loud n always getting up to no good doing god knows what god knows where.... probably gt arrested together breaking into an old abandoned hospital one time........... rly just doing the absolute most at all times............. probably so loud........... drinking n smoking far too much.....

an attempted teenage relationship: i’m like. tentative to even put this one bc i just feel like ziggy wld be a shit bf. KJHGFSHGFHGSFHGFKGHFKSG. but. maybe it ended in drama.....i’d say this wld probably be a girl bc in hs he probably ws less open w his sexuality... maybe ziggy cheated on her or she cheated on him................ angst........ strife.... we love it we love it........ i crash my car into the bridge... i don’t care... i love it... sudden icona pop moment me stood on stage singing karaoke.... it’s just gone 7am as i write this so i apologise if this is losing any. coherency. smiles so sexy....

last adolescent plot i swear: i picture when ziggy was expelled he somehow amassed a large group to protest w signs outside the school fr him to be accepted back. it didn’t work. he threw a party when he received news he hadn’t got back in anyway. maybe ur muse was involved or helped organise this or was violently opposed.

enemies: ppl who just. don’t like ziggy bc like honestly that’s so fair n valid. KJHGFKGHKSFGHSGKHSFHG..... mayb he like. exploded their mailbox one time when they were younger. mayb he skated over their toes. mayb he fucked their bitch aha fuck................. (joking btw) (don’t condone misogyny) (hashtag feminism). cld be fun to play around w

fwb: probably hs a few of these......... mayb they’re cool w things being no strings attached n lax n at ease w ziggy being the mess tht he is in general..... mayb they want more bt ziggy cannot provide...... mayb they literally don’t get on at all n this is their only mutual ground n they keep coming bk to each other.... :smirk:..... whatever u Farncy....

maybe ziggy’s mum dated ur muse’s dad at one point???? we can discuss this if u think it fits..... cld be fun to play around w............

coworkers: past or present r fun..... mayb they were like WTFFF is this guy fking ONNN at a past job (he’s had a few in the food service industry so pretty open in tht area)... mayb they work w him at the ice cream parlour now..... cn discuss the dynamic probably wld be dependent on the muse involved fr like. how he’d act n stuff.... :yum: