#they’re really hard to render LMAO

[scooterscoob]

Coming from ur drawing request post-

Can I suggest John with a lily flower crown ?

a softened soul.

[oddinary4bts]

Be With You | ch 3

☆summary: who knew that the hot guy you've been paired with for a class project is also a kind soul? Certainly not you, and you feel yourself falling even though you know you shouldn't. Will it be your demise, or will it all work out in the end?

☆pairing: Choi San x female!reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters contain mature content)

☆genre: slow burn strangers to lovers, college!au, smut, angst and fluff

☆warnings: cursing, alcohol, san is the sweetest and i love him, honestly not a lot of warnings except them being cute

☆word count: 6.6k (sorry, this one's shorter)

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here

☆a/n: New week new chapter! Hope you like this one :) and thank you to @moonleeai for your amazing work as my beta reader, I love you and am forever thankful for you <3

☆☆☆☆☆

Cold snowflakes Withered down Until you bloom As a spring flower I'll be with you

Be With You, Ateez (english translation)

☆☆☆☆☆

Monday, September 30th

Today was rainy. Cold, fall striking hard all of a sudden, the wind shaking leaves from their branches, carrying them around to fall in the many puddles littering the ground. The streetlight is reflected in those same puddles like maybe they’re a portal to an alternate universe, and the scenery is peaceful, serene.

But the cold is unwelcomed, and you feel like it’s gotten into your bones, clawing at your organs.

“Fuck this,” you curse, and Sydney lets out a small laugh behind you.

“You should have worn something warmer,” she scolds, and she’s totally right.

But the perspective of seeing Choi San tonight made you choose a bomber jacket that has gone cold now, the rain soaking the fabric until you feel like you might as well be standing in the shower with your clothes on.

“Why is it even raining so much?” you ask.

You have an umbrella. Hell, you made sure you had an umbrella, but the wind renders it useless - it’s flimsy, and it keeps flipping the wrong way, enough so that you are indeed thoroughly drenched by the time you make it to the theatre.

“Is my makeup okay?” you ask Sydney as you walk in, closing your umbrella.

The movie is projected at the college’s theatre, and students are already milling about, sharing a drink before they go in. Indeed, drinks are offered, though you evidently won’t be having any.

Sydney stands in front of you, brow creasing slightly as she scans your features. “All good.”

You’re relieved, and you take a deep breath before scanning the space around you as you pull your phone out of the pocket of your jacket.

[7:54 pm] San: i’m here [7:56 pm] San: where are u [7:57 pm] San: isn’t it starting at 8

It’s only one minute past eight, and you slightly wince. You forgot to tell San that the movie starts at 8:15 pm.

[8:01 pm] You: where are u? we just got here

He doesn’t answer right away, and so you scan the place again as if maybe he’ll appear.

“I kinda really want a drink,” Sydney says.

She’s shifting on her feet nervously, and you know the reason why - she knows Yunho will be here, and it’s technically the first time they’ll talk to each other since the night he confessed.

“Then let’s get one before it starts,” you tell her. “San’s already here.”

She nods absentmindedly, and you drag her towards the small bar in the corner. Thankfully, there is no line, and Sydney orders a cider while you stand to the side, looking down at your phone.

[8:04 pm] San: found ur brother lmao

[8:05 pm] San: were already sitting

“Alright,” Sydney says once she has her cider in hand. “Has… Yunho told you where he is?”

Her cheeks dust with pink with the question, though you doubt she even notices. 

“San said that they’re together,” you tell her. “They’re already in, so let’s go find them.”

A curt nod is the only answer that you get, and you make your way through the small crowd gathered before the doors to make it to the theatre proper. 

You walk in and you’re welcomed by the buzz of conversation that seems slightly fainter here compared to the hall. A white screen falls like a curtain over the scene, and blue-ish lights shine on the side of it. It’s slightly blinding, forcing you to squint as you try to find San and Yunho.

“Do you see them?” you ask Sydney.

You’re pretty sure you see her gulp when you glance her way. “Yeah.”

She’s looking out at the seats, and you follow her line of gaze to see Yunho looking towards you - towards her. It seems like they share a moment, one that you let them have as you start walking down the stairs towards where you can now also see San.

As if he’s sensed your presence, San turns too, and a dimple digs in his cheek as he smiles, waving at you.

You’re not ready for what it does to you - your heartbeat increases, your hands grow clammy, and you find yourself swallowing through sudden dryness in your throat. You force yourself to smile, hoping you don’t look too awkward, and you take a breath as you finally reach the row where your brother and San are sitting.

“Hey,” you greet him. 

He gets up, smile widening. “Hey.” He stands there for a moment, a little awkward, and then he glances down at you. “You’re dripping.”

You wince. “The fucking rain, right?”

San laughs, a clear sound that makes your heart quicken just a little more, and then he steps out of the row, right in time with Sydney stopping next to you as she’s finally followed.

“Hi,” he tells her. “You must be Sydney?”

She blinks as if he’s just brought her back down to Earth, and she glances at him. “Oh, hey,” she lets out. “Yeah, that’s me. San?”

He nods, and then he glances towards Yunho, who’s just sitting there staring at the three of you. “Should we sit?”

“Actually…” you let out. You hand your umbrella to San, taking off your coat and giving it to him too. “Can you hold this? I have to go to the bathroom.”

It’s all part of the plan. The cleverest thing you were able to come up with to get Sydney to sit next to Yunho. San nods, immediately understanding, and he grabs your stuff.

“Be quick, I think it’ll start soon.”

“I’ll come with you,” Sydney quickly says.

Fuck.

“Huh…” you trail off, looking at San as if he’s salvation.

“Well,” he says. “You can give your stuff to Yunho.” He moves towards your brother, handing him your coat and umbrella, and then he holds his hands out for Sydney to give him her umbrella and coat. “I’ll go get beers for us.”

Yunho just looks down at your coat and umbrella. “What do you want me to do with this?”

“My wallet is in there, so make sure no one steals my stuff,” you throw at your brother as Sydney hesitantly shrugs off her coat.

San’s already holding the umbrella, and he makes to give it to your brother, who simply points at the floor. 

“I’m not holding that,” Yunho says. “Just put it there.”

San doesn’t need to be told twice - he puts Sydney’s umbrella on the floor in front of the seat next to Yunho, and then grabs her coat as she hands it to him. He puts it on the seat, and then turns towards you.

“Let’s go.”

And so you make your way to the bathroom, Sydney in tow as San follows behind the two of you, claiming he also needs to go. You know he’s just trying to gain time, to make sure you’ll be back before him so that Sydney is forced to sit next to Yunho, and you reckon you’ll need to thank him for his genius.

Especially as it works, and the lights dim as San returns after you and Sydney have sat down, beers in hands.

“Sorry, had to take a call,” he lies, and he offers you a wink as he glances at Sydney and Yunho. “Here you go.”

Yunho grabs the beer San is handing him. “Thanks bro,” Yunho says as San sits next to you. 

“Don’t mention it.” 

The projector comes to life, the very beginning of the black and white movie showing on the screen. Silence fills the theatre, and you’re surprised when San nudges you.

“I got you this,” he says, pulling a lemonade from the front pocket of the sweater he’s wearing. “Since you don’t drink alcohol.”

Your gaze widens - you didn’t expect him to be this considerate, and your heart jumps in your chest.

“Oh?”

He smiles hesitantly as you just keep on staring at him. “Unless you don’t like lemonade either?”

You quickly grab the can, the condensation on it cooling your already cold fingers. “No, no, I love it,” you reassure him in a whisper. “I just didn’t expect you to get me anything.”

“I felt like it,” he says, shrugging as the stretch of his lips turns more confident. 

“Thank you.”

It’s all you have time to say before Sydney nudges you with an elbow. “Love you, but I think this is the time you’re supposed to shut up.”

You snort and then you raise the can of lemonade, showing it to Sydney. A silent conversation goes between the two of you - her gaze widens much like yours did earlier, and then she lets out a small knowing laugh.

You focus on the movie after that, trying to ignore the way you feel San leaning closer to you. Or maybe that’s just because his elbow is on the armrest between your seats, so close you could poke him with a finger if you only moved an inch.

But you don’t move. You remain still, focusing on the movie, getting lost in the story of love and in the transatlantic accents of the actors. It’s a good movie, and it finishes far sooner than you’d imagined it would.

“That was…” San trails off. You glance at him, and he’s slightly pouting, like he can’t find the right word. “Something.”

You snort. “Good or bad?”

His smile is easy, flirty, when he meets your gaze. “Good, because I got to watch it with you.”

You roll your eyes, though you can’t help your shy laugh. You don’t bother replying, turning your head towards Sydney and Yunho. They’re engaged in conversation, and though you can feel the awkwardness radiating off the both of them, you decide to let them be.

“I personally liked the movie,” you say, gazing back at San.

He purses his lips. “Thought you would. You do have that… hopeless romantic vibe to you.”

You’re almost offended. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I’ll let you figure it out.” He winks at you, and you look up at the ceiling in annoyance, before glancing at Sydney as she nudges you with an elbow.

“Should we go?” she asks.

You notice your brother skulking beside her, and you figure their conversation didn’t go too well after all. “Well…” you trail off, and you point towards San with a thumb. “I’m going over to his to finish the report for our conspiracy class.”

Sydney blinks once, but you don’t miss the betrayal that passes in her gaze. “Ah.”

“Yun will walk you home!” you quickly say.

Her gaze widens like that’s the last thing she wants, but you only offer her an encouraging smile. “He’ll make sure you’re okay while I leave with this loser.”

“Excuse me?” San chimes behind you.

You elbow him in the ribs, and he lets out a small pained sound before sitting back in his chair. Sydney stifles a laugh at the sight, and then she nods. “Okay.” She glances at Yunho, sighing deeply, and then she nods again, repeating the two-syllable word. “Have fun.”

You notice San stood behind you, and you take it as a cue to get up too. “You two have fun too.”

Sydney clenches her jaw once, but then she offers a weak smile. You give her a thumbs-up, and then you’re bending down to grab your umbrella. You grab your coat as you straighten, following behind San as he walks out of the row. 

“Bye!” you say, waving at your brother and Sydney.

Yunho momentarily catches your gaze, eyebrows raised as if he’s afraid, and you just slightly widen your eyes, quickly glancing at Sydney. You hope he’ll get the message, and then you fall into step with San as he heads up the stairs. 

He turns right when he gets out, aiming for the recycling bin so that he can get rid of your empty drinks, and then he meets you again, glancing over your head to where you suppose he can still see your brother and Sydney.

“Think that will work?” he asks.

You wince, looking over your shoulder. They don’t look as awkward now, but you feel bad for letting them fend for themselves like that. “They’ll figure it out,” you say with a confidence you’re not sure you feel. “They have to.”

And you really hope they do, if only because you want them both to be happy.

“Sydney seems chill,” San comments. “I can see why your brother likes her.”

You wonder if it’s jealousy clenching your heart momentarily, but it’s gone too fast for you to interpret it.

“She’s the best,” you agree. “But she’s a little oblivious, and extremely hard-headed. I just hope she opens her eyes because…” You pause, searching for the right words. “They’d just be right for each other, you know?”

“Yeah, they would be.”

The way San says the words attracts your attention, and you meet his gaze, only to find the soft light that graces his irises. It steals your breath from your lungs, and your heart stutters in your chest as you hold his gaze.

There’s a silence as the moment stretches, the low buzz of conversation surrounding you fading to nothing. You’ve realized San seems to have that effect on you - it’s like he’s all you can see and frankly, you don’t mind it at all.

“Should we go?” he asks. 

It doesn’t ruin the moment. It fills it with an excited kind of apprehension, of hope in that evening you’ll get to spend with him - you’ve also shoved your toothbrush in the pocket of your coat in case you need it - and you can’t wait to get to his place.

“Let’s go.”

The rain has stopped outside by the time you finally leave, but the wind is just as vicious as earlier. You shiver despite being tucked in your coat, and you imagine San must be freezing in his sweater, but he doesn’t comment. The streetlights turn the city orange, the colour making San majestic - like he’s stepped out of some alternate, fiery universe. 

He catches you looking, offering you a quick smile, and you look away, your eyes trailing up in search of the moon. 

Unfortunately, she’s hidden behind a thick cover of clouds that smell like rain still, out of sight.

“Thank you for inviting me,” San says as you make your way towards his apartment. 

It’s a twenty minute walk, but you’d both agreed that you could make it instead of calling an Uber.

“Thank you for coming,” you reply, flashing him a quick smile. “I really hope it helps Syd and Yunho to figure their shit out.”

San nods. “Hopefully. And if not, we can always try to do something else.”

That could be a possibility - they’re both supposed to come to the wine and cheese on Friday, so you already have an opportunity coming up.

“But,” San adds. “Let’s not think about that right now. I’m confident tonight will work.”

You laugh, though it’s more of a giggle, nodding your head wisely. “Agreed.”

You hate how the dimples on his cheeks appear. They’re soft, far too soft for your vulnerable heart, and you immediately look away, focusing on the red lights you can see in the distance.

They turn green, and cars move forward, driving down the street next to campus.

“So,” San lets out. “We need to finish the project tonight.”

You do. You have to submit it by midnight on Wednesday, and you’d rather it be done by then. “Yeah. You think Byeol will help?”

San laughs. “I actually had time this weekend. It’s…”

“You did not,” you interrupt, and he chuckles again.

“I did. I’ll let you go through everything because you’re definitely better than me at writing the text, but I think we should be okay.”

“San!” you burst. “Why didn’t you wait for me?”

He looks at you sheepishly, his hands hidden in the front pocket of his sweater. “I just wanted to be able to spend some time with you tonight.”

You melt. You melt like ice cream in the warm summer sun, and you can’t even be mad at you. You don’t even think about the fact that you told him you were partners on the project, and that you couldn’t make things weird.

No, the second you meet his gaze again, you say, “Do you have anything special planned?”

His smirk is mischievous, and his eyes glint as he says, “You’ll see.”

*****

You’re out of breath.

Maybe it’s the fact you had to walk the stairs up to San’s apartment due to the elevator being out. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s been mysterious about what he’s planned, and you’ve never been good with surprises.

Or maybe it’s the sight of the little red bow he put around Byeol’s neck, making her look far too adorable.

Scratch that - it has to be the cake on the table, just waiting for you. 

“You did not bake another cake.”

San raises his shoulders in defense. “You seemed to like it the other day.”

“And the bow!” you say, raising Byeol.

She ran straight to you when you got in, and San helped you pick her up. She’s been purring softly since then like she’s turned into a small engine.

“I knew you’d like that.”

“She looks so distinguished,” you coo. “What a beautiful baby.”

Byeol only keeps on  purring, and you smile widely, meeting San’s gaze.

“She’s the best.”

You almost say he is. You don’t know why - the words have already taken shape in your throat when you swallow them away, eyes widening.

“What?” San lets out with a laugh.

You shrug, and you gently put Byeol down if only so that you look busy.

“Nothing.”

You scan San’s apartment as you straighten, avoiding his gaze like the plague. He doesn’t seem to mind, as he too scans the apartment, and it’s only then that you notice the lego set box on the couch.

Roses. San got the roses lego set.

“What’s that?” you say, motioning towards it.

His cheeks turn pink. His face turns fully pink, and you spy the way his throat bobs as he gulps. “I got you a gift? For your birthday.” His blush has deepened, and it looks out of place, so far from his usual cocky self that you feel whiplash. “I didn’t have a bag to put it in though, and I figured since I’m giving it to you now, it doesn’t matter? But, yeah, I saw it when I went shopping over the weekend with my mom and I just decided to get it for you.”

He was thinking about you over the weekend. Somehow, all that you register from his rant is that, and you softly smile, warmth erupting in your chest like a gentle volcano, its ashes leaving fertile ground behind.

You don’t know what’s going to grow yet, but something tells you that it’ll either have the power to build you, or to destroy you.

“San…” you say softly, barely over a whisper.

He falls silent, lips slightly parted as if he only realizes then that he’s been rambling. He offers you a sheepish smile, his blush still deep on his cheeks, and then says, “Happy birthday?”

“You didn’t have to.”

He wets his lips, shrugging. “I wanted to. I…” He chuckles, his gaze falling to the floor. “I just really wanted to.”

He’s kind. You’re not used to be on the receiving end of such kindness when it comes to the male gender, and all you can do is smile dumbly in front of him. 

You think your waterline grows wet, but you blink it away, glancing down at your shoes.

“So we’re doing it tonight?” you ask.

“Huh?”

You motion towards the couch as you bend down to unlace your shoes. “The Lego set. We’re doing it tonight?”

“If you want to!” he says. “I figured we could watch a movie too, but we just watched one, so it’s really up to you.”

“Let’s do the Lego set.” You step out of your sneakers, and then you walk in while San lingers by the door. You’d feel awkward as his heavy gaze remains on you, but Byeol steals the show as she jumps on the table.

Luckily enough, San pulled a plastic bowl over the cake, and she only slaps at it as if to tell you to take it off.

“Someone’s hungry.” You laugh, and the rustle of clothes behind you tells you that San is also taking off his shoes and walking in.

“I don’t know why but she’s obsessed with cake,” San says. “And it’s not even like I’m giving her any.”

“Like father, like daughter.”

He laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and then he walks around the island to head to the sink. You watch as he washes his hands, wiping them dry on a towel that’s hanging from the oven. 

“Do you want a glass of water?” he asks as he grabs a glass in the cupboard to the right of the oven.

You nod. “Please.”

He grabs another one, and you linger by the table as he fills the two glasses, before he sips from one as he hands you the other one.

“Thanks.”

He winks over the rim of his glass, and then he’s returning to the kitchen. “Would you like a piece of cake right now?” he asks as he rummages through another cupboard.

“Sure! We can have cake while I look over what you did,” you agree with a small smile.

He seems happy with your decision and that’s how, all of five minutes later, you find yourself sitting at his table, eating cake with his open laptop in front of you. He’s sitting next to you, close enough that you can feel the warmth from his body reaching for yours, and you try to ignore it, try to focus on the screen, but it’s hard.

Even harder still when all you can think about is that he planned a date for the two of you. 

Not that you’d ever dare call this a date.

“What do you think?” San asks as he takes a big bite of cake, his eyes searching your profile as if to attract your gaze.

You resist though, your eyes remaining on the laptop as you read the text he wrote. “Mmmh,” you let out as you suck on your spoon after having taken a bite. “There’s a couple of typos, but honestly, it’s not bad.”

You see San cringing from the corner of your eye. “Oof. Just tell me it’s shit.”

You throw him a no-bullshit look before pulling the laptop closer to you, so that you can start editing. “It’s not shit at all,” you reassure him. “It’s actually really good.”

He likes the compliment. You can tell by the way he shifts on his chair, taking another bite of cake while a smile tickles the corners of his lips. It’s endearing, and you can’t help your own smile as you refocus on the screen to take care of editing.

It doesn’t take too long. Ten minutes and a piece of cake later, you sit back in your chair, rereading the text for what seems to be the hundredth time. You find a couple of mistakes to fix at the beginning of it, but nothing too major, and soon enough, you declare yourself done, pushing the laptop towards San.

“Read it one last time, and let me know if it’s good for you.”

He nods, diving into the action immediately as you get up. He throws you a curious look while you motion towards a door you’ve only ever seen closed in his apartment.

“Is that the bathroom?” you ask.

“Yeah. You can go.”

You do so, coming back all of two minutes later to the sight of him opening the Lego box. You widen your gaze, and he gives a small chuckle, shrugging his shoulders.

“I finished reading,” he says, motioning to the now closed laptop on the table. “So figured I’d get this ready.”

“You liked the text?” you ask as you make your way back to the table.

“Yeah, I think it’s as good as it can get.” He glances at you, smiles softly, and then says, “I’ll submit it tomorrow, if that’s okay with you?”

“Of course!” you agree. You sit next to him again, waiting patiently as he manages to get the box open, and he flips it over to empty its contents.

Numerous plastic bags filled with pieces of legos fall on the table, and you reach for the instruction manual that follows, flipping it to the first page.

“Do you have a vase?” you ask.

San’s mouth drops open. “Huh. I don’t know? Let me check.”

He gets up from the table, walking to the kitchen as you grab the first bag, tearing it open and safely spilling the Legos in front of you, making sure that none fall to their demise. Indeed, Byeol is sitting on the floor next to you, and you’re pretty sure she’d try to hunt for the fallen pieces.

“Well,” San lets out. “I do not have a vase, but I have a large glass. You think that’ll do?”

You turn around to see him holding a glass pitcher. The sight makes you snort, but you reckon it’ll work. “Yeah, that’s perfect.”

He smiles victoriously, and then he’s walking back to your side, sitting next to you. “Let’s go.”

And that’s how you find yourself building Legos along with San. Twenty minutes in, he leaves for his bedroom, coming back with a small black blue-tooth speaker that he turns on to put some music on. He settles on a playlist that’s called chill vibes, and indie music fills the space surrounding you.

It’s fun. Spending time with Choi San like this, like you’ve known him your whole life. You laugh with him, your cheeks hurting from the smile that refuses to leave your lips, and though you bicker with him on who’s the most efficient at building Legos, you can’t deny you make a great team.

Just like you make a good team when it comes to your project, after all.

“He did not do that!” you exclaim as San is telling you a story of how Wooyoung got so drunk at a party in the first year of college that he fell down the stairs in an escalator. 

San nods. “He sure did.”

Come to think of it, you remember hearing about this. About how a student fell in the escalator at the first wine and cheese, but you never realized that it was Wooyoung. 

“That must have been hilarious.” 

San chuckles. “Oh, it was. He spilled red wine all over his shirt. He’s lucky it was in a red solo cup and not in an actual glass.”

“Oof, yeah,” you agree. “At least he didn’t injure himself.”

You remember that first wine and cheese. It was crowded, lively, a live band playing in a corner at the beginning. It was just soft jazz at first, while everyone was having their first glasses of wine, and then a DJ had taken the place of the band, and the party had gone crazy. Even you, who hadn’t drank a single drop of alcohol all night, had felt energized by the music and the crowd, and you’d danced with Sydney all night.

She’d gone heavy on the wine, which was the only reason why she’d been dancing at all, or at least that’s what she claims now when you remind her about that night.

“Yeah.” San throws you a look as he takes a sip of the glass of water he refilled a few minutes ago. “Were you there?”

“Of course. Partied all night with Syd.”

He grins, dimples adorning his cheeks. “Why am I not surprised?”

Your brow creases, and you throw him a look. “Because I literally spend all my time with her?”

“Yeah, that must be why.”

You both burst out laughing, and then you go back to assembling the Lego set. Though it takes longer than you initially thought it would, a few moments later you find yourself gazing at the completed result, your eyes sparkling at the sight.

“It’s so pretty,” you murmur over the music.

Some Hope Tala is softly playing, and you meet San’s gaze only to find him already looking. “It is,” he whispers back.

He wets your lips, and you feel your cheeks burning, but it’s like the moment stretches. It stretches and stretches until your heart seems to stop in your chest, your eyes dropping to his mouth. And then you look up to his eyes again, widening your gaze - is he closer than he was before?

He is. He has to be, and you’re leaning in too, your heartbeat speeding in your chest like it’s trying to compete in a race.

“Byeol!” San yelps, turning his face to the side just in time to see Byeol slapping the Legos.

It fortunately only undoes one of the flowers, but it breaks the string of tension between you and San, leaving you feeling like you’re gasping for air yet unable to fill your lungs with oxygen.

“Sorry,” San apologizes as he fixes the rose. “I… didn’t notice her on the table.”

You shake your head, pulling at some skin on your lower lip. “Oh, no, don’t apologize. It’s okay.”

He nods, and then awkward silence rises, only interrupted by the soft chords of the beginning of a Cigarettes After Sex song. You listen to it, focusing on the lyrics.

We wanted to fuck with real love

Wanted it sweet, so pure and warm

Never only sleepin’ over

“This is a good song,” San declares, his words cutting through the awkwardness. “Do you like Cigarettes After Sex?”

You nod. “Went to see them in concert last summer,” you admit. “They’re amazing.”

“You did? I’m jealous.” There’s another beat of silence as the song moves to the chorus, and then, like he’s refusing for awkwardness to linger, San adds, “You like going to concerts?”

You tilt your head to the side, pursing your lips. “Yeah. Well, I mean, I haven’t gone to a lot of concerts, but I do.”

San’s eyes are sparkling when you meet his gaze. It strikes deep, and you inhale sharply as your heartbeat once again goes wild in your chest.

“Cute,” he whispers.

You frown, though the smile on your lips doesn’t disappear. “What?”

“You’re…” he trails off, and you don’t miss the way he slightly blushes. “You’re cute.”

You gulp, feeling shy under the scrutiny of his gaze. “Thank you, Choi San.”

He’s not what you expected. Or maybe he was that first time you hung out, the teasing and cockiness prominent. But now he’s soft, nice, a complete opposite to the man he was then. And you wonder, was the cockiness a mask, or is he just pretending now?

You can’t help but question his intentions. After all, San doesn’t have the best reputation, and it’s hard to reconcile the man sitting next to you to the one you’ve heard stories of. To the one who dates girls for a few weeks before ghosting them, breaking hearts all over campus.

Yes, he’s never dated anyone in your program, but Sydney told you about a girl in her class that was obsessed with San, claiming she loved him, only to be left heartbroken when he got bored of her.

So, though it’s true that you don’t think it’s a good idea to get involved with him because he’s your partner on the project, there’s also some sense of self-preservation trying to protect you from him.

But then he glances at your lips again, his own slightly parted, and you don’t think you’ll be able to resist. So you turn away, getting up from the table, leaving him hanging if only so that you can protect yourself.

“So,” you let out, taking a few steps towards the couch before you face San again. You don’t miss the disappointment lighting his features, but you pretend you don’t see it. “What should we do now?”

San clears his throat, getting up too to look at the time on the digital clock of the oven. “Well, it’s getting late,” he says. “Do you want to go home?”

Right. Though you do not have a class tomorrow morning, you still have to get home eventually.

“Are you kicking me out?”

“No!” His word is louder than you expected it to be, and you snort as he just stands there, clearly embarrassed at the outburst. “I don’t know why that was so loud, my bad.”

Mischief paints your features. “Maybe because you don’t want me to leave?” you tease.

You’re relieved when he bites. “Maybe I don’t, mmh?” He looks around, motioning at the lego set. “Wasn’t the gift proof of that?”

He’s going to drive you insane. You just know it - even though you barely know him, you know San’s impact in your life will be dramatic.

“I guess it was.”

He narrows his gaze, tsking. “And here I thought you’d be thankful for the gift.”

“Who said I’m not?” you ask as you shrug, tilting your head to the side.

He walks towards you, stopping in front of you. It only occurs to you then how much taller he is from so close, as you have to tilt your head back to be able to look into his eyes.

“No one,” he whispers. His gaze dips to your lips, and then he walks around you, plopping down on the couch. “Come here, if you really are that thankful.”

He’s patting the couch next to him, a smirk on his lips, and you chuckle at the sight. You do as he asked, sitting close enough for your thighs to brush. It makes you shiver in anticipation, and you eye San.

“Now what?”

You’re painfully aware that his gaze is dropping to your lips, and he frowns. “Now I’m going to pretend I don’t want to kiss you, and we can watch TV. Sound good?”

You don’t know why his words break through your restraints. But they do, your restraints flying through the window - who cares about protecting your heart when you want him, too? When his kindness and sweet words have been slowly working their way into your brain?

You can’t resist. No amount of good sense can stop you, and you grab San’s cheeks, planting your lips on his. He startles at first, like he was not expecting it, but then he kisses you back languidly, letting out a small, content sigh.

You expected the kiss to be intense, passionate, and though it starts as such, the atmosphere doesn’t call for it. Maybe it’s the music, or the kindness he’s proven himself to be the bearer of tonight. Or maybe it’s the way your heart suddenly settles in your chest, like it’s only been wanting to kiss him, and now is finally relieved that you’re doing it.

You don’t know what it is about Choi San. Don’t know if it’s the teasing, or your easy complicity. Don’t know if it’s the fact that he’s attractive, both inside and outside, or if it’s just because you haven’t been with anyone in a long time.

All that you know is that you couldn’t resist the kiss, like its gravity was pulling you in like that of a black hole. 

And now you’ve touched the horizon.

“San,” you breathe against his lips.

You think you hear him gulp, and then he says, “I thought you said we shouldn’t kiss.”

You peck his lips again, refusing to open your eyes just yet. “I…” You sigh, and then you pull away, eyes fluttering open. “I don’t know why I kissed you.”

His own eyelids remain tightly shut, and then he exhales deeply, opening his eyes. “Is that a good, or a bad thing?”

“Kiss me again,” you challenge him. “Maybe then I’ll know.”

You don’t have to ask twice. San dives in, pressing his lips on yours, and then he’s pulling you into his lap, his hands settling on your waist. Yours find leverage on his shoulders, and you move your lips against his, teasing him with your tongue. He meets your teasing with his own tongue, and you let out a breathy sound at the taste of him, and at the way this just feels right.

Maybe it isn’t. Maybe you’re not meant to be kissing Choi San tonight, yet you can’t resist. Or maybe it’s just that the story is meant to happen, written long before either of you were born.

And nothing trumps fate. So you kiss Choi San, you lose your hands in his soft hair as his caress your back. You become aware of the slowly growing bulge in his pants, but even that doesn’t turn the kiss into more.

It remains slow, deep, something that tames your heart until it syncs with his.

“You’re a good kisser,” San whispers when you pull away to breathe.

You chuckle lightly. “So are you.”

He smirks lazily, dimples appearing on his cheeks. And then he meets your gaze, falling serious. “Listen, I just want to say that I’m not going to fuck up the project.”

You gulp. “What do you mean?”

“You said we shouldn’t kiss the other day because of the project,” he reminds you, even though you already assumed that that was what he meant. “And I just want to promise to you that, no matter what happens between us, I won’t let it fuck up the project.”

“San…”

He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know why. But ever since last Sunday, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind. I’d like to give it a try, but I don’t want to do anything if you don’t want to.”

He really is going to drive you insane, isn’t he?

“I can’t lie and say that I don’t want it,” you carefully say. “But can we… Can we just take things slow?”

He nods once. “Of course. I don’t want to rush into anything.” He lets out a small laugh, cocking his head to the side. “Though you did suck my dick last Sunday, and I’d argue that-”

You cut off his words by slapping his chest, and then you get off him as he bursts out laughing. It’s goofy, adorable, and it just makes you roll your eyes.

“I’ll head home then,” you say. “To make sure we don’t do anything stupid tonight.”

His laughter recedes, a pout replacing the smile on his lips. “That sucks.”

You roll your eyes, but your lips still curve upwards. “We’ll see each other in class tomorrow anyway.”

That brings his own smile back, and San gets up, following you to the door. You stop by the table to grab your purse, and then you pull out your phone from it to order an Uber.

“Also,” San says, and his cheeks turn red as you glance at him. “I wanted to ask if you want to go to the wine and cheese together?”

Your heart entirely stops in your chest. You feel like that’s commitment - people are bound to see you together if you go to such an event with him. You reckon ten minutes ago, before you kissed, his question would have made you anxious, but now it just makes you smile.

Because it just makes sense. It just makes sense for you and Choi San to go to the wine and cheese together.

“Yes, of course I want to.”

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

gosh they are so sweet it hurts. i'm out here getting my heart broken while they are falling in love and goddamn i hate them a little for it haha what did you guys think of this one?

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2025. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[toneshieee]

Practicing smut poses with my yumeship (๑꒪̇⌄꒪̇๑)

Yes, it’s Stan. Stanley Pines. I love that old man so fucking much 💖😩

(I had to crop it 😭 cuz tumblr flagged me earlier 😭)

I rendered it really neatly on the last one hehe nsfw poses and anatomy are so hard 😭 my hand was literally crying cuz I can’t get the poses right without making it look so weird XD I had to adjust them cuz like Stan’s really huge and I’m like really small so I’m trying to think how it would look with the massive size differences lmao but I really like how these turned out! I told myself last week “I need to draw a neat drawing of my yumeship before this month ends grrr” haha these are the only stuff I managed to draw with my spare time. I still got lots of poses in my gallery teehee I’m gonna try different shadings this time, like my bedroom palette or adding more depths in the shadows something something uwu 💖

Some close ups cuz I love the eye to eye contact like they’re just drowning in each other’s eyes and feeling each other’s breath ughhhh 💖💖

Also been getting a lot of feedbacks about my art describing it “soft” hehe it makes me feel so giddy about it (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄) the best one I’ve got was “gummy” cuz they described it squishy XD I love it! It kinda gave me an idea how my art probably looks like a marshmallow cuz you know it’s soft, chewy and gooey? hihi 💖 I’m just happy that I was able to use and merge my watercolor skills in my digital artworks, cuz I was mainly a traditional artist before and use watercolors as my medium uwu 💖 thank you to the peeps for liking my art! 💖💖 I sincerely appreciate it hehehehe 💖💖💖 (੭ु ›ω‹ )੭ु⁾⁾♡

Anyway, I love Stan so much. It’s still burning to this day! 💖💖💖

[rorynni]

What program do you create those majestic art pieces and what brushes do you use?

ps: the way you draw Ken is so..♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

hi!

i use procreate! i used ibisPaint X for years and it was honestly fine but i got tired of the ads and also wanted an app that allowed me to organise my stuff into folders so… procreate. i think it was a good investment honestly especially since i use it essentially everyday, but if you’re on a budget ibisPaint X is really good (or at least it was when i was using it idk if it’s changed)

as for brushes i use the default procreate brushes, i don’t have any custom ones or anything and i’m pretty sure they’re all still set to the regular settings

i use this one for sketching/lineart. the edges are soft which i really like and i can get good line weight variation with it.

i mostly use this brush for colouring and rendering because it’s easy to blend but you can also get hard lines with it too (which is good for me because i’m really lazy and don’t like switching between brushes)

that’s literally it lmao i do not experiment as much as i should with all the brushes and tools

also thank you! ken was actually really fun to draw considering it was probably the first time i’ve drawn a man over 40 lmao. it probably helps that he’s a hot dad anyway

[angelshizuka]

Oooh okay okay, permission to be a little petty? This has been eating me up for a minute! On the topic of the helluva/hazbin redesigns: there are a lot of times in the critical side of this fandom where I’ll see people talking about what they would “fix” about the character designs, and like you said- some of the specifics people think they need to fix just…undermine the point of the character?? (I.e making Stolas big and burly) But it also feels like they’re ignoring that these characters look the way they do because they have to be ANIMATED. There’s been a handful of times I’ve seen people with that “fix it” attitude where they just waaaaay over complicate textures and shapes then say it’s so much better. For example some were saying Blitz’s design was bad because you can’t tell his burn scars were burn scars because the edges were too round. So they completely rendered the scars in their redesign and said they fixed it. I absolutely understand wanting to make detailed artwork. I LOVE detailing the hell out of a character in a drawing!! But to animate?? Especially with helluva where the spindle horse team doesn’t often outsource its animation?? I KNOW it’s silly but sometimes in passing I want to be like- ok. YOU animate your incredibly complicated redesign for a 20 minute animation at 24 frames per second. Then you get to handle the budget you’d need to get it finished and add in lighting/effects/etc. Then you ALSO get to handle the complaints from people who say episodes take too long to come out. Animation is a HUUUGE process! I feel like the work it takes to make it look so good is really taken for granted :,)

(I should be in bed so I hope any of this makes sense lmao I’m so sorry in advance!! Love your account your takes are so well thought out and you’re very funny <3)

Yes, thank you for your excellent point, I totally agree!

I mean, I will always defend CGI animation (I'm a firm believer all animation mediums are beautiful and valid), but I feel like it's spoiled people in how detailed a character's design can be. While part of the charm of 2D animation is how simplified lines can still get so much across.

It's been more than a decade since I studied animation and we only really did puppet animation, but even with that I quickly realized my designs could never be as detailed as when I just made a stand alone drawing (also, rip to my old animations that are lost to time, because my hard drive died a few years back...)

I'd honestly argue that for 2D animation standards the designs are really detailed. Maybe not for every character, but that's part of the beauty of it. Just like how in real life not all people dress all fancy and complicated, some people prefer simpler outfits, and they know how to make that come across in the character designs.

Especially Blitz is a prime example of being tailor made for 2D animation, that's also part of why some of the best facial expressions come from him, they know how to play around with his face shape. Regarding the scars, it's not just a 2D thing, it's the fact that imps scar differently than humans. So, again haters claiming they "fixed it" by completely ignoring lore.

(Aw, thank you! I try my best to put my thoughts into words and it helps make sense of whatever the hell is going on up there. I take a lot of pride in it, because my mother complimenting me on "knowing how to word things" was one of our last conversations before she passed.)

[crosswordist]

just a check to see if anyone would want to do a lil art trade? 👀 preferably a fandom-type one for the tagged serieses, i just love doing them for artistic motivation and wanna stretch my legs on woking off of an ask!! more details + examples of my art below⬇️

some nodraws’s for me areeee: backgrounds, shoes(they’re hard), and rendering. also probably don’t expect much with animal characters, i have not really approached that field yet lmao. not looking to do anything super complicated ofc! just a fun little exercising exchange

if you’re down just send me a dm and we can have a little, no pressure chat!

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Tuesday evening :) This is such a good one. Jealousy thy name is Lucy Chen is what this ep should be called. The Green eyed monster coming out real hard for her in this one. But then Lucy has no feelings for him right….

3x11 New Blood

Our ep starts out with our trio scoping the new rookies. Lucy talks to Katie first. Asking who her T.O. Is going to be? We find out Tim is her new teacher. Lucy is tying not to gush too much about him. Saying she will learn so much but trails off. Katie catches on that Lucy is burying the lead a little. Lucy fesses up Tim can be a little intense. HA You got him at his most intense dear Lucy. He was a radioactive trap ready to gobble her up at first. Then after that was mostly based on his intense need to make sure she succeeded.

Katie doesn't seem intimidated by this info but very appreciative of it. Lucy tells Barnes to reach out to her if she ever goes into a self doubt spiral. So sweet. Also she has a feeling that this new rookie will have one. It's Tim no way she wouldn't right? Gotta love her trying to help the new girl out though. Pre-warn her of what's to come. We all know how ‘Intense’ Lucy’s first shift was with Tim. So it’s very thoughtful of her to reach out and offer help if she needs it.

The jealously begins at the food trucks. Tamara is there with Jackson and Lucy. They’re talking about getting her set up in her new housing. Tim’s new rookie catches Tamara’s eye. She asks who Officer Zaddy is with? LMAO I remember having to look up what that meant the first time haha but it’s accurate to Tim. In case you need a refresher it means ‘Sexually attractive older man, who is charming and self confident’. That’s our Tim haha Yum.

Tamara asks how it feels to be replaced? Lucy shrugs it off saying she's glad Tim is torturing someone else. Ok honey we believe you..... That mindset lasts all of two seconds before Jackson points out he’s paying for her coffee. Lucy’s jealously begins here and doesn’t stop for the majority of this episode. She is intently watching and sees he’s letting her drive too. She is absolutely incensed by this whole thing. He’s also smiling while he’s paying for her coffee. Lucy is none too pleased about this. Her face says it all as they walk way. Jealously and resentment party of one.

Lucy can't actually fathom him being nice on day one like this. So she then she comes up with a plan to explain it all. Because it’ll help with her jealously if she does. Saying how Tim is only doing it to lull her into false sense of security. She’ll be wearing that coffee before too long. Lucy is all smiles till Jackson calls her out on it. Oof. Telling her how messed up it is she is enjoying this. Her bubble bursting rapidly even Tamara can’t look at her LOL Oh my girl you are as transparent as glass. The jealously is seeping out of her. Melissa kills this scene with her facial expressions. The whole episode really.

Tim and Katie catch a call about a robbery. I do love watching Tim with her because they’re so like minded. Except Tim knows how to be a cop vs a soldier. Fascinating to watch tbh. Lucy and Jackson show up as their backup when they start to take fire. Katie has injured one of them and is rendering first aid. Something that seems foreign to her. In the military you aren't doing that for your enemies.

Tim see's Katie is struggling with this concept. So he put his hand on her shoulder as a sign of support. Lucy immediately notices this and voices her jealously once again. Jackson doesn’t even notice what they’re doing. He asks her 'What?' Thinking it’s something egregious. Nope just Tim putting his hand on Katie’s shoulder….The green eyed monster is fuming at this moment. Telling Jackson she didn’t even get a fist bump when she saved his life day one...

Lucy is so aggravated and jealous. I saw a post once saying 'She's a ten but terrible at hiding her feelings.' Ha It's true Lucy wears them on her sleeve normally. This is another level though. Not even trying a little bit to hide it. He’s bought her coffee, been nice to her, let her drive and now she’s getting an empathetic touch all on day one. Driving Lucy nuts. She had to fight and claw for every inch with Tim. So this whole situation is seeming very unfair to her.

That Barnes is getting it handed to her on a silver platter in Lucy’s eyes. The thing is Lucy changed Tim so much for the better in many ways. Another part of her is jealous because Katie is getting an emotionally healthier version of Tim. Where she got a dumpster fire ready to implode at a moments notice. Took her time to breakthrough. The kicker is Tim is in the place he is now because of Lucy. But she can't see that atm. Jealously doesn’t tend to allow one to see logic LOL She is legit pouting above as they load their suspect up.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this next part with Tim and Katie. Anytime we get to delve into Tim past i’m a happy girl. Not only that but his military past. Trying to teach her how to live in the world she's currently in now. Not the one she was in before the LAPD. He’s trying to help reset her brain. I love him taking her to this peaceful park to accomplish this. The little bit of funny sass when he says 'No it's adorable.' HA Who are you and what have you done with Tim Bradford?

He can tell Katie is still unsettled from their encounter earlier. So he's trying to redirect her focus. i.e. the lady bug. You know Tim had to do something similar when he returned. I’m sure he struggled coming out of that mindset into a less controlled one. Where you’re not told what to do and when. Everything happens in a split second based off your decisions. The way he easily connects to what they’re doing. His insightful words of wisdom for her. He was Katie when he returned home. Thinking he’s still in country, everyone is either hostile or friendly. The way he speaks is from deep experience.

Tim tells her to take a deep breath, feel the sun on her face, close her eyes. He would cover her when she closed them. This scene gets me all emotional. I know what it's like to have PTSD. How it can control your entire life. To be in a consistent state of fight or flight. Because you've forgotten what it's like to have a safe space. What it's like to have your guard down. Tim is creating that safe space for her right now. By telling Katie he has her covered. To let herself just be in the moment. This scene showcases a couple things. One it show's Tim's good heart. How badly he wants to help her. I love this man so very much.

Two just shows how damn good he is at his job. Taking his past pain and experience and using it to help transition Katie. To help her transition better than I'm sure he did. Because he knows how sideways this can go if she doesn't get ahold of this. That if she continues down this path it’s not going to go well. Telling her to live in the moment. It’s hard but it’s the only way he got past the war. To move forward again. This soft side of Tim doing things to me. Already love this man but this just increases it ten fold. The soft way he speaks to her the entire scene. Phew lord. Getting weak in the knees.

Tamara calls Lucy asking if she can come get her. That her cousin is drunk and won’t let her get her stuff. Lucy grabs her off duty weapon and is on her way. I love how confidently she walks up and yells at Tamara's cousin to get her stuff. Get ‘em Lucy! Her stance is amazing. He listens like a smart man. Doesn't test Lucy. Tim would be so proud of her. Love me some confident BAMF Lucy. He gets her stuff tells her not to come back. What a jackass. Lucy asks what happened? Tamara tells Lucy her new place has black mold. It’ll be couple months before she can get in there.

We find out she asked her cousin if she could extend her stay. He lost it on her. Apparently his GF can't stand her staying there. Hence Tamara calling her for help. Says she will figure something out… Lucy refuses to let her drown. Tells her she can stay with her till the new place is ready. That she’s family ❤️ They really are found sisters and I love it sfm. They say family isn’t always blood. It isn't the same last name or bloodline. It's the people that constantly show up for you. Lucy has done this with Tamara and she's finally accepting it. Truly believing and trusting Lucy's word now. Her relief above is so sweet. I love their relationship so much.

We've now reached Lucy's boiling point of the episode. She legit implodes with jealously when she see Tim doing Katie's paperwork. She can’t take it any longer. Has to say something. Starts by making a snide comment about him doing paperwork day 2.... The way he looks up at her in the second gif LOL Tim is smart enough to know he’s in a fight with Lucy he’s just not sure why…He asks her if she has something to say? Knowing damn well she has a lot to say. Lucy is trembling with anger and jealously. Asking why he’s being so nice to her? The hurt in her tone is evident af. Her body language matching that tone.

Tim has opened the flood gates by asking her if she has something to say. Lucy doesn't hesitate and goes OFF on him. Her body language really betrays her so much in this scene. She is so damn revved up. Listing all the ways he tormented her in the early days. Mentioning when he stole her duty belt when she had to pee. The way he reminisces about that moment above has me rolling so much. Like ah yes I was so very mean to you LMAO Thinking damn that was a good one. Lucy telling him he called her boot so much she has PTSD from the word itself.

Now when Lucy says this it prompts Tim to say Katie has other issues. Lucy is so angrily blind in her jealously she goes off more. Saying like what? Then goes on a very insecure and specific rant about her. Oh Lucy when you start listing physical attributes like that it’s screaming you’re so VERY jealous. Her emotions betraying her wholly in this scene. Listing all the things Lucy feels like Tim doesn’t see in her. Which is a damn lie but she isn’t seeing straight right now. All she can see is her jealously and unfairness of his kindness.

Her insecurities are coming out in spades right now. Not only does this woman get soft Tim she’s also beautiful and smart. Lucy feels threatened on so many levels. This scene is screaming that. Tim follows up her rant with 'She won’t wear any perfume.' Lucy is so caught up in her emotions she forgot he’s answering her question from before. She’s confused and asks what that has to do with anything? Getting more irritated. Tim realizes she needs his full attention for this. Puts his pen in his pocket and turns toward her.

Stops what he’s doing and tells her how he teaches his trainee's. Saying he teaches his recruits according to what they need. You can see Lucy is riled up still but listening to him. He starts with a continuation to his previous statement. Saying she won’t wear perfume because she’s still worried it’ll give away her position. Telling Lucy a part of her is still in Afghanistan waging a war that is over for her. He continues on to say if she’s ever going to be a cop that instinct has to go.

Before Lucy can say a word he compliments her. Calling her a kind and insightful person. How she sees the good in people. Now I love this because he is doing build, break, build here. Building her up before breaking her back down by letting her know WHY he trained her the way he did. Vs what he's doing with Katie. Man has a reason for pretty much everything he does with this job especially teaching.

Trying to show Lucy that she and Katie view the world very differently. So his approach with her has to be the polar opposite. Lucy looks mortified by the time he’s done. Like she’s embarrassed she showed her hand emotionally and was wrong. Also it being over something she would've supported had she known the facts. Lucy immediately asks Tim if she’s going to be ok? That empathy of her's kicking right into gear now that Tim has calmed her down.

Tim says in time she will be ok. Which had she given him the chance to do this she would've been. He then ends the conversation with the best compliment she could’ve received from him. Tim basically saying she’s an incredible cop. That one day Barnes might even be as good as she is now. That shuts Lucy up effectively haha He does some heart eyes and does a mic drop of a walk away. Knowing there isn't more to say. That he needed to quell her insecurities and he did just that. It's the way he softens in that second gif as he compliments her. Gah I love them so much. He's so proud of his girl and lets her know it.

Lucy's reaction is the best part. She’s so full of giddiness it’s adorable. Her person just complimented her in the best way possible. Validating she’s amazing at her job. The little smirk and twirl is so cute I can not. It’s like when the guy you like says he likes you back. Lucy can’t contain her glee. He just made her whole damn year. His opinion of her is everything so she is on cloud 9 right now.

Love that Tim doesn’t make her feel bad for being jealous or questioning why he’s being nice to Katie. Just breaks it down and does what he does best with her. Says the right thing in the perfect way so she doesn’t spiral any further. The fact that he did that and complimented her not once but twice. Sigh How far we have come everyone how far we have come. ❤️

Side notes- Non Chenford

It is a bummer Katie doesn’t stick around. I get why she doesn’t. Transferring from one stressful environment to another is a lot when you still have ptsd issues. Telling Tim when he let her have her guard down, feel the sun on her face was the first time she felt at peace in a long time. He so desperately wants to help her transition. Because he’s been there done that. She declines and resigns.

Then Tim does something that makes me love him even more if thats even possible. That even though he’s disappointed she’s leaving he lets her know he’s going to check in on her. *heart clutch* Tells her she has 3 years before her POST certification expires. That she will always have a home here if she needs it. Oh Timothy be still my heart sir.

I love Tim having to be the neutral third party for Wopez and Wes’s mom for the wedding plans. It’s fantastic. He is a negotiator for them it’s so funny.

Harper/James flirty flirts for self defense class. Silas being his wing man to help him secure a date with Nyla. Too damn cute.

[squidvetica]

C I E L A N

Wow rendering is hard! LMAO

Anyways, I really enjoy how this came out. Didn’t know what I was doing in the first half but we got there!

Anyways this is my blue alien elf, Cielan. You know em you love em. They’re pretty darn cool and they were the first one I made out of the current four lol

[judesmoonbeauty]

after reading your translations and your theories on jude’s rude (thank you for all of your hard work 🙏🏽) i am begging for a moment where kate leaves jude flabbergasted. we got moments where he was speechless for a second or where he had this gentle look on this face (i remember the first time i saw it i nearly lost my mind) but i need a moment where kate makes him blush!!! i don’t care how out of character that would be i just need ONE moment like that!!!

Aww, thank you! This just made my day. Right? The first time I saw his soft smile, I threw my phone because I was losing it lmao. Yeah about his blushes, he does blush for different reasons, they’re just really faint, but I’d love to see Kate totally go dom in his route and make him blush…..or maybe even with a soft confession scene and rendered speechless……damn we need his route.

[lazy-ahh]

i cant honestly, i love art but damn, why is ut so fricking hard at times?? like do u ever wish you just. print the image out of ur brain or smth like omg. i really hope one day i have enough skills to just get it on the page. im glad someone relates though!!

no im being so genuine when i say the jason piece is beautiful. like the green lighting?? the shadows?? the colours?? the proportions?? HIS HAIR, THE LIGHTING ON HIS HAIR IS SO PRETTY!! im glad ive encouraged you to continue with damian, im sure youll make him as beautiful as you made jason haha!!

pinterest is fun, i love using it for references!! and i get it about anatomy, its my mortal enemy sometimes. its just so hard to get it all looking right, yk? but for some reason, i really like drawing legs?? idk, its so weird, i struggle so much but then with legs its so easy, art is weird.

digital art is annoyingly hard for me, idk why i just cant wrap my brain around the concept of the lasso tool 😭😭 and i always forget which layer im on lmao. its fun though and i like watching speedpaints! its acc my dream to make a comic on webtoon or smth, thats why i wanna learn how to draw digitally.

🤭🤭 stawwpppp ur making me blush, thank you so much!! as you said, positive reinforcement i super nice and this is making me spontaneously combust lmao especially from someone as cool as youu <333 im really happy you liked it so much, its my most popular post lol and i got a request for more damian, bby girl is just too popular (i get why).

yes oh my god, so many times i wish i could just magically transfer the image in my head onto paper or my ipad. it’s so frustrating when what i imagine doesn’t match what ends up on the page, but i guess that’s part of the process, huh?

and thank youuu <3 i’m still so happy with how his hair turned out in that piece, but for some reason, i can’t seem to replicate it now?? it’s like my hands forgot how to do it lol. right now, i’m experimenting with different coloring and rendering techniques for the damian piece, so hopefully it turns out just as nice.

anatomy is such a struggle, i swear. one day, i’ll be able to draw a full body without wanting to erase everything halfway through. for now, i really like drawing arms, shoulders, and collarbones—they’re weirdly satisfying? but torsos and legs?? absolutely not. and HANDS. why are they so complicated?? every time i try, they end up looking like weird claws...

the lasso tool confused me so much at first too, and honestly, i still mess up layers sometimes. like, i get the basics, but all those different blending modes (multiply, overlay, etc.) still feel like a mystery. speedpaints are such a lifesaver though—i love watching them while sketching along. they’re so relaxing, and i always pick up little tricks, even if i can’t always apply them to my own art right away.

it’s so cool that you wanna make a comic someday! i believe in you, and i’d totally read it when you do. digital art can be tough, but you’ll get the hang of it with time.

and stoppp you’re too sweet 😭 got me grinning at my screen like an idiot LOL i’m just really happy to chat with someone who understands the art struggle. and yesss, damian’s popularity is no surprise—well deserved bby girl title hahahah.

[persephones-closet]

One of the things that cracks me up about lab diamond people are the comparisons to IVF babies and ice from the fridge. Those analogies are pretty apples to oranges.

1. IVF babies are still humans, just formed under different circumstances, yes. But the genetic makeup was not altered from formation and there is no human test to determine if a person was made via IVF or not. (Also, you don’t see people wandering around saying “I was conceived via IVF so I’m better and cheaper than natural.” Lmao) The truth is, scientifically, unless eugenics or some shit went down, there’s no difference. But, factually.. yes, someone can be synthetically conceived vs. Naturally. Just the formation for living things (again assuming no dna altering or eugenics selection shit happened) results in the exact same outcome. A 100% genuine human. Organic life is not the same as minerals or liquids in a lot of ways.

2. The ice one is actually super funny. Once there was some stupid rich celebrity that bought a purse made entirely of pure naturally formed ice somewhere, idfk, but the purse was said to cost an absurd amount of money and then melted. So like, if you compare that to your fridge synthetic ice, then … yeah, the analogy actually applies there lol. There’s no premium on fridge ice, but there is for artisanal pure naturally sourced ice purses I guess. But if the average lab lover doesn’t know about the famous ice purse I don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. Because factually, yes, your fridge is making synthetic ice. And Antarctica is made of naturally occurring ice. What is the fucking point of this argument lol. Are they saying “what, so fridge ice isn’t the same as naturally formed?” Because actually no. It’s almost the exact same reason that synthetic diamonds aren’t the same as natural, too. Natural ice crystallizes differently with different inclusions than synthetic. No idea if there’s a test for that. Maybe ice purse lady would know lol.

I think my painting analogy is most accurate as an analogy. Both are considered luxury items for decoration, to look nice to company. Throwing out the stupid (and kinda racist) claims on unethical mining practices, both natural diamonds and original paintings require time, money, resources and labor from people who work hard to put food on their table. You can verify if diamonds and paintings are natural / original with the properly trained professional and equipment. And prints and synthetic stones can be mass produced and cost a fraction of the price, but achieve the same look. They’re made of the same materials.

The only difference is you can go into someone’s house and comment on their painting and be like “damn, that’s a beautiful painting. Is that original.” “Nah it’s a print” and then respond with “oh well it looks great, I love how it looks in the room.” There’s no judgement on either side or need for dishonesty or guilting about made up origin stories involving dead African children or whatever.

The way people act about synthetic diamonds is like if you walked into someone’s house and said, “wow I love the painting!” And they say: “thanks, it’s an AI print. I just didn’t want to drop the money on an original. Seemed like a waste of money, plus I rather travel and put a down payment on a house. Is your painting in your house original? If so, that’s enabling people in some impoverished countries to force their children to paint for their lives. You should look into the ethics behind some original painting industries, it’s really bad. I’d only buy AI prints because at least then you know no one had to slave over it for a long time. Plus it’s more environmentally friendly because even though it takes ink and electricity to render and print, it’s not as bad as all the paint and studio equipment and stuff.”

The regurgitation of greenwashing and guilt marketing is always so in your face with these people.

The ethical argument kills me so much. They assume all diamonds come from African orphanage slave mines. There are manyyyy many mines in the world from Brazil to Russia to Canada predominantly worked by blue collar adults making a living. Diamond mines are a lot of countries’ economic backbones. There is nothing wrong with buying diamonds that have been traced and sold with conflict free origination. The high horse these synthetic stone people have is ridiculous.

Another thing they talk about is some De Beers diamond inventory reserve stockpile inflating all diamond prices. I honestly don’t know what they’re talking about and haven’t seen a single legitimate source of information on it. Apparently they think there’s tons of super high quality diamonds just sitting in reserve somewhere being held back to make sure prices stay high so that jewelers can continue to inflate prices? They think at any moment the reserve can open and flood the markets and crash the price of natural diamonds. I don’t know where they got that theory from but I’ll have to look into that and report back what I find if it isn’t total bullshit. Which I suspect it kind of is.

And lastly they’re like diamonds aren’t rare! They’re not rare! All the prices are made up! I already talked about that once but the truth here is that gem quality, sizable diamonds for jewelry, are definitely rare, and not cheap to process from raw form.

Diamond cutting alone is expensive due to the raw stone analysis, laser cutting precision, polishing, grading. Each exchange of hands the stone must go through (mine to cutter to polisher to grader to wholesale distributor to jeweler to consumer .. probably missing a few in between) adds to the overall price of the diamond. People seem to just discount all the work that goes into the mining, cutting, grading, sourcing, all the people that it takes to get a raw diamond to the consumers, not to mention the taxes and storage fees and listing fees and business overhead… it’s like people just see a rock and get a huge wave of entitlement, thinking, “it serves no purpose other than to be shiny. Why should I have to pay a lot of money for it? It’s just a rock.”

For those people, buying a synthetic makes sense. But it isn’t the same. If it were the same, it would cost the same.

[consumeroflemoans]

Okay, for the several ask games

Writers would you ever:

Would you ever write...

A character you don't know that well?

Fanfiction for someone elses OCs?

Poetry?

The Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game:

🎱, 💌,🧃, 🍄, ❄️, 🎨, 🧩

Ask Game no. 3:

💌, 🔮, 🦖, 🧡, 🧸, 🍪, 😏, 🐰, 📷

-Leuchtturm

Would you ever write a character you don’t know that well?

I would definitely try lmao. I have attempted it before. Usually I have to do a bunch of research beforehand if I do try it. The only thing is it usually comes out pretty dull in my opinion. It’s hard to dive into the nuances of a character I don’t know that well

Would you ever write fanfiction for someone else’s OCs?

Technically I have? A large portion of the Undertale community focuses on fanmade AUs and fanon. I’ve written tons of fanfiction for different AUs (that I will probably never post here it’s so bad)

It’s really similar to the last question of ‘yeah I’ll write pretty much any character as long as I can know/learn something about them’

Would you ever write Poetry?

Probably not. I have tried before, it was bad lol

Really it’s just not the style I prefer to write with

Post your AO3 Total Stats

They’re not great but I post very little of what I actually write lol

How many unread emails do you have right now?

This question is calling me out

930 on my main, 150 on my school, 9 on my fandom acc

It’s so bad

Share some personal lore you’ve never posted about before

Oh crap what have I posted about before

Uh. I’m an Eagle Scout? I was in both Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts for a good chunk of my life

Share a headcanon for one of your favorite ships or pairings

Vil and Idia have anonymous vtubers and they stream together. Idia streams more often since Vil is usually busy, but it’s really the only time they can be openly cute with each other outside of private settings. They usually game but Vil’s released some original music and done a lot of talking streams too

What’s your dream theme/plot for a fic and who would write it best?

Aaaugh this is an interesting question. I really enjoy anything that explores different mythological lore if that wasn’t obvious. I do also really like the idea of crossovers. I can’t think of specific plots but things like the Stoneheart Azul AU and BSD except the Book is a Leitner are both really intriguing ideas to me

Sorry this is so vague I can’t think of anything specific

Link your favorite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

I can’t decide omg. There’s so much good fanart out there I would not be able to choose

I’m going to assume this is asking about stuff I made because there is no way I would be able to choose otherwise

Aventurine Hands I want to chew on this so much the hands are so good and the rendering and lighting is so pretty for no reason

What will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Any sort of fic where it’s like- a pairing having a child together? Whether one of them is pregnant or they’re adopting. I can understand the appeal it is just not for me at all

Do you talk to yourself?

I do sometimes but it’s usually to call myself out when I’m being stupid lol

It doesn’t happen often

What is your dream job?

I would love to be able to do something that allows me to scuba dive professionally. I was considering going into welding for awhile because of that. Underwater welding is such a specialized job that pays a ton. It would also be cool to do research in the ocean too

Buuut there’s also the other part of me that prefers to stay nice and cozy inside with a computer. It’s the safer option that allows me to have a stable life lol

Favorite Extinct Animal?

Probably the Dodo bird. Big friendly guys I love them so much

A color you can’t stand?

I mean I dislike the objectively ugly colors but I don’t think there’s any color I can’t stand. Any color can look good depending on the colors around it imo

Favorite place to nap?

I am so bad at taking naps. It’s really hard for me to fall asleep outside of the usual night time. But I think the place I’ve been able to nap the most is one very specific couch back at my house. Bury me in blankets and put a cat on me and I am out so fast

If you were a cookie what would you be?

The powdered lemon drop cookie at Panera bread methinks

Are you on discord?

Yes I am! Feel free to dm me if you want it lol

What do you think says the most about a person?

Tbh I think this is a hard question. I’m going to base this off of first impressions. Usually the first thing I recognize from someone is their clothes. You can tell a lot about a person from what they wear and how they wear it

What’s set as your phone’s lock screen?

This very specific manga panel of Azul walking

[seravphs]

aaaaaAAAAA I woke up to this and my face is hurting from smiling so hard !!!!

first off, I’d like to say that I could’ve kept going with the tags but I didn’t wanna create a monolith of words lol I actually wanted to mention how CS and the continuation/standalone reminded me of the manga/anime called summertime rendering (not with the themes - your series is infinitely much happier haha) but the relationship bonding and saturated colors came across exactly the same through your writing!

summer breaks are a treasure; I hope you get to cherish them as well as your studies for the near future ❇️

the shokohime relationship is so pervasive throughout the background, I truly cherish how you write them both circling each other (in a different but no less important way than the others)

if/when you continue the CS universe may you @ me please? I’d love to gush in the tags once again haha (and will continue to do so for your other fics! I have a backlog of authors to go thru!! so humbled for them all really)

Ooo going on my TBR! The cover looks so cute but the synopsis sounds dark lmao

TwT thank you friend 🤍 I hope summer is good to you as well! I’ve been eating a lot of watermelon now that it’s warm out.

omg it is? I’m so happy! Especially with the anime coming out I hope we get tons of Shokohime content, they’re so cute together.

I’m so touched you want to be tagged TwT of course I will! I’m really grateful you would want to read a sequel and my other fics. No pressure to respond to anything I write but if you do leave tags I hope we can have another lovely conversation 💙

[tobiosmilktea]

ahh omg requests are opened !! can i request atsumu, iwa, kenma, and tsukki angst to fluff kinda thing where they get into a big fight and the boys blow up on the reader but make up at the end? pls make me cry but also go “💘🥺”,, thank you so much !!!

- 🧋

kiss and make up with atsumu, iwaizumi, kenma, and tsukishima

— m. atsumu

being with atsumu,, it’s no surprise that you two occasionally get into a few arguments here and there

they honestly range from the tiniest little, insignificant things from what to get for dinner to whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza aka things most people probably wouldn’t even bat an eye at

you were used to it considering how atsumu is, but his personality is what you liked most about him with how he’s constantly having you on your feet —never knowing what he’ll do next

they’re quiet funny at the end of the day and that back and forth banter is just another way you two show how much you care about each other

with that being said, no matter what you two are arguing about, it’s always lighthearted and not so serious

that’s why it honestly took you by surprise how atsumu’s typically nonchalant and teasing nature whenever you guys “argue” over something was something you’ve never seen before

very rarely did you ever see this man get incredibly angry and you’ve even seen all of his games where things weren’t going right

and perhaps that’s where the root of this argument started in the first place

dating a famous division 1 volleyball player who is well loved and respected, it’s hard being able to spend the proper time with him when he’s constantly travelling or getting recognized whenever you two are out on a date

you weren’t exactly complaining about this problem to atsumu after he came back from a tiresome and strenuous day of practice as you knew that it was going to be like this when you two first met

if anything, it was just a concern you voiced out that you obviously weren’t expecting him to solve with a snap of his fingers

“and what the fuck do you want me to do about it, (y/n)?” he snapped at you, venom coated his words like tar

you looked at him with widened eyes as a mixture of confusion and utter offense melted upon your expression

atsumu was notorious for using foul language on a daily basis, but never had he ever swore at you and it’s safe to say you like to keep that same energy with him

you scoffed at him, still a bit dumbfounded, “i’m not expecting you to fix anything over night, i was just saying.”

“as if i already didn’t know how hard it is to find time to spend together.”

“so, are you just treating me like an idiot now?”

it was late, you were tired just as much as atsumu was and you certainly weren’t in the mood to argue with him anymore

before you could even let him answer, you walked away from him and entered your bedroom withy a slammed door

you hated going to bed angry, but there honestly wasn’t anymore moral within you to even continue whatever leftover conversation between you and atsumu

perhaps giving time for something this to simmer until the morning would be enough to make sure your fatigue wasn’t blurring your thoughts knowing how dangerous misunderstandings can be

a few minutes later, atsumu enters the room, eyes scanning over your figure beneath the sheets as your breathing subsided

he thought you were fast asleep, but your mind was still awake and racing with the worse case scenarios. it made it so much more difficult now that atsumu laid beside you

he would wrap his arms around you, “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have yelled at you.” whispering in a hushed, muffled voice. you could feel the way his lips pecked at you shoulder then up to your temple

you weren’t sure if he knew you were awake or not as you swore he could’ve heard your heart pounding

without uttering another word, you turn towards him, burying your head into the crook of his neck

you were just glad his warmth was still here

— i. hajime

you believe one of your biggest flexes within your relationship with iwa is that you two rarely argue or get into childish fights

sure, there were disagreements here and there, but most of them were minuscule decisions on what outfit to where that day or what restaurant you two wanted to eat at. most of which would be decided with a harmless game of rock, paper, scissors or nose goes lmao

other than constantly bickering with oikawa, iwaizumi isn’t really the type to get into shouting contests with you unlike with his best friend (most of which is started by oikawa anyway)

because of this, you weren’t really expecting to get into a fight with your boyfriend, and yet, it wasn’t like you weren’t used to him doing so

at the end of the day, you always ended up being the moderator of iwaizumi and oikawa’s loud back and forth banter if things got too rowdy

so never in a million years were you expecting oikawa to be taking your place at this very moment

poor dude doesn’t know what to do

he’s used to third wheeling you and iwa being all lovey dovey, but now that you two were in the midst of a midafternoon shouting contest, he’s completely dumbfounded

oikawa couldn’t help but feel bad for you as technically the whole reason why you and iwaizumi were arguing in the first place was because of him

long story short, iwa was sick and tired of oikawa flirting with you all the time despite only doing it to tease him

you were well aware of this as well, playing along with oikawa’s flirts just to tease your boyfriend

you didn’t see any harm in it as you made it very clear the moment you confessed to iwaizumi that you liked him and not his best friend (who you more or less saw as a brother over anything)

“listen, i’m sorry i was only playing around.” you apologize, throat already aching from the amount of stress you had already put on it

“if you were only playing around, then you wouldn’t be flirting with him everyday!” spat iwaizumi as he flickering a harsh look to oikawa who backed a good six feet away from you two (social distancing king lmao)

you honestly didn’t know what to say as a lump formed in your throat, rendering you speechless. granted, he had a point, but how couldn’t he overlook the way you only had eyes for him? the way you would “flirt” with oikawa they always tended to be backhanded, the way you would always kiss iwa after each of oikawa’s attempts to flirt, or how you would constantly remind him how much you loved him

it hurt slightly knowing how it was all overlooked by harmless teases

regardless,, it had to stop

before you could  apologize once more and say you’ll stop, iwaizumi huffs, “just say that you wanted him the entire time and not me.” before walking away entirely

your eyes widened, turning over towards a distanced oikawa who had the same look of surprise before motioning a hand towards your boyfriend, “well, go after him!”

with missing a beat, you ran down the block to catch up to iwaizumi, spreading your arms and throwing it around him as you bury your face into his back

“i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have done that.” your voice muffled into his uniform shirt, “i only like you, iwa, you have to believe me.”

your hands that were firmly clasped together to prevent him from breaking out of your embrace was slowly pulled apart by iwaizumi, feeling his entire body turn to face towards you

“idiot,” he muses with that same embrace

— k. kenma

i don’t think argument are common between you and kenma

he’s probably too preoccupied with playing video games or sleeping to even bother starting a fight over mindless disagreements

you were glad that you didn’t have to deal with such burdens of fighting with your significant other, but at the same time, you believed that small disagreements in relationships showed just how much you cared for the other

it showed how they were looking out for you if you were to ever make a terrible decision, and yet kenma would only bat an eye at you and shrug whenever you ask him for advice

in the end, you’d end up fucking something up or get hurt

or whenever you’d ask your boyfriend what he thinks about a specific outfit, he barely spare your a glance before uttering the words, “yeah, looks great babe.”

it sounded almost crazy to say, but sometimes you wished for you and kenma to get into arguments sometimes

not ones so serious it would lead to a significant gap within your relationship, but rather the ones the led for you guys to communicate more

besides, it’s not like you guys communicate a lot in the first place

you first brought up this concern when you came over to his apartment to which he was (surprise surprise) still playing video games

you didn’t mind about his hobbies as that’s what he liked most, but sometimes you just wished he would give you the proper attention for once

“hey,” you’d call out to him in the dark room, shaking a plastic bag in your hand in the hopes it would capture his attention, “i bought takoyaki!”

and to your low expectations, kenma simply hums as he clicks rapidly at his keyboard

your brows furrow as you pondered to yourself, what will get his attention?

“i also brought my boyfriend with me!” you lied just to see if his expression would even change

and what do ya know, it doesn’t. it’s the same focused deadpan on his computer screen, “no you didn’t, your boyfriends right here?”

you were at the end of your rope

“then why doesn’t my boyfriend come over here and act like it?” you hissed, “last time i checked, boyfriends get excited whenever they see their significant other and not over genshin characters.”

now that was a bite to kenma’s ego as he finally pulled his eyes away from the screen and towards you. “what?” he says, confused.

“do you even like me anymore?”

kenma scoffs almost dumbfounded, “of course i do, how could you say that?”

“because i experience it everyday, kenma.” you confess, fighting to keep your heavy gaze onto your boyfriend as he approaches you. “every time i come by i always see you at your desk in front of your computer. you never greet me first and unless i verbally say something, you probably won’t even notice that i’m here.” you voice broke slightly

“i-i’m sorry, (y/n)—”

“do you ever stop and think of the fact that the only times we see each other if from me visiting you? if i were just to stop one day i’d figure we wouldn’t even have a relationship in the first place.” you sigh as you shook your head, “you probably wouldn’t even notice, anyway.”

almost immediately does kenma wrap his arms around you in a tight embrace, almost as if he feared that you would disappear if he were to let go in the slightest

he places a kiss on your forehead before resting his own against yours, “i don’t ever want to hear those words come from you every again, (y/n). i’m so so sorry, i’ll promise to be better.”

you melted within his embrace, feigning a smile from appearing as you quickly give him a peck before remembering that the bag of food you bought was still in your hand

“let’s start by eating before the food gets cold.”

— t. kei

unlike the rest of the previously mentioned boys, arguments are pretty common between you and tsukishima considering his nature

he’s constantly teasing and making fun of you, but all of which were just jokes not meant to be taken seriously and you were well aware of this too

it’s probably the main reason why tsuki found himself so enamored with you as you constantly matched his energy 

you two were shockingly similar with your humor and your smugness, but the main differences between the two of you was you academics

it’s not surprise how tsukishima is always at the top of his class while you’re always at the bottom of it

considering this, the majority of your dates during the week with him are usually study dates or normal dates that end with the two of  you either at the library or each other’s houses studying material for the following day’s test

it was clear that in order to date each other, you both had to have patience

you weren’t exactly the fastest learner and you easily got distracted with things around you that you’re honestly surprised that tsukishima’s nonexistent patience was still up and active

besides, he loved you. he had to understand your difficulties as most of the time you can’t help it, but at the same time his personality was like treading on broken glass

usually he had enough patience to last an entire two hour study session with you, but today was oddly different

nothing was going right with tsukishima’s day and he just got absolutely annoyed with every little thing from a person bumping into him in the halls to a stain on his uniform that you could barely even notice

right now, this was the tenth time he found you tuning him out and daydreaming

his knuckled turned alabaster from the pressure of squeezing his mechanical pencil. he huffed, trying to calm himself down as he rubbed his aching temples

“(y/n), were you even listening to what i was—”

“do you think giraffes know where other giraffes are from?” you interrupted him with another one of your mindless tangents, “like considering how the pattern of a giraffe’s fur depends on what regent they’re from, do you think a giraffe from southern africa could tell if another if from western africa—”

tsukishima was at his limit, “can’t you just shut the fuck up and focus for five minutes, (y/n)?” he shouts at you, “i swear, you wouldn’t be failing if you just listened for once.”

he huffs out in annoyance, completely ignoring the way the brightness in your expression fell into a frown

you weren’t mad as you honestly couldn’t blame him. having learning difficulties and a short attention span was burdening you boyfriend so much that he isn’t even obligated to be doing this for you

he was sacrificing his time tutoring you and you’re just wasting it

“i’m sorry i can’t learn as easily as you,” you mutter softly, picking up your things quickly

tsukishima gives you a look of confusion, “w-where are you going?”

“thanks for all your help, but i can’t keep wasting your time like this.” you say as you zipped up your backpack and left

the next day you walked to school alone. usually you would be walking with tsukishima and yamaguchi, but it seemed like even tadashi wasn’t there to wait outside your house either

you weren’t able to hide your melancholy as you entered your classroom, slightly glad that tsukishima and yamaguchi weren’t here yet to see your expression

it allowed you time to pull yourself together, and yet, that time alone was cut short as the two walked in

you briefly flicker them a look fast enough that they don’t notice, but long enough for you to see yamaguchi patting his best friend on the back with encouragement

tsukishima had something in his hands, but you were too far away to construe them

you looked back down to your desk, fiddling with you pencil and pretending as if you were thinking about what to write next

it was then did footsteps approach, arriving right next to you with a presence so unwavering

you gulped, hoping that it wasn’t who you thought it was as you looked it

of course it just had to be that one lanky boy with glasses and messy blond hair to be standing by your side

he was holding a stuffed giraffe and a small white box with string neatly tied around it

“i’m sorry for blowing up on you,” he bursts out his apology, “i know you have a hard time and i should’ve remembered that you can’t help it.”

he places the giraffe plushy and box onto your desk

“it’s an masai giraffe since i remembered you liking their unique fur pattern and i also got you strawberry short cake this morning before they ran out that’s why i wasn’t there to walk you to school.” tsukishima continues explaining, “i just hope you’re not angry with me.”

you felt a smile creeping up to your lips as you shook your head, “i could never.”

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Comte’s 4th Birthday Story Event: Before the Clock Strikes Midnight

REEEEEEEE Ik it was a long time ago but life has been a [redacted], so I figured better late than never HAHA

So without further ado, anybody who’s curious feel free to click for more--I’ll put it under a cut for spoilers as per usual~

So in this story it’s the usual, a few days before his birthday, and they’re discussing a bump in the road. Essentially, it appears a friend of Comte’s is going to be celebrating a wedding, and as such he’s going into the suburbs/affluent part of the region to be able to attend. It’s only a few hours away from the mansion, but he will be gone for a few days with the arrangements made for his stay. 

While this wouldn’t typically be an issue, MC has some things to take care of and opts out of attending with him (preparing for his bday probably LMAO) and Comte is immediately big sad. My favorite dramatic fool is already pouting, though he fully accepts and respects her decision. Besides which, he fully intends to be back in time to celebrate his birthday as well. He notes that he’s always admired how driven and independent she is, and has no intention of getting in the way of that. He’s just going to miss her, is all.

He says as much, figuring there’s no point in hiding it: “I really wanted to bring you with me to attend…but I suppose it simply can’t be helped” … “That’s not it…I guess I’m just wondering if you’ll miss me as much as I’ll miss you while I’m away.” 

And MC’s just like “Aw, it’s okay it’ll only be a few days.” While Comte’s response is a very mature, high-pitched whining sound at a frequency only King (Theo’s dog) and Theo himself can hear. When MC tries to reassure him once more, his Hamlet impression continues: “Even the prospect of a few days away from you feels unbearable.” 

Naturally, as any man do that loves his wife, he draws her close and proceeds to bang the living daylights out of her. I would offer details, but I have no deets to give beyond: [Well MC, it appears I won’t be letting you get much sleep tonight.] 

Brief intermission for the vague sounds of fangirl cardiac arrest. 

The scene opens again to him doing his walk of shame (the slut) down the walkway and into the carriage that will take him to his friend’s house. His thoughts carry the regret of burdening her with his desire, though MC is pretty much on cloud nine and unable to stop thinking about the heady night they shared in a good way. Bruh and the sly look when he figures out why she looks like that--I’m boutta call the police, he is going to make women and men alike act up. 

MC scrambles to cool his already returning desire by insisting he will be late if he indulges any further, and he laughs and agrees easily–albeit with the slightest hint of reluctance. My favorite part in this exchange is that he kisses her forehead, adding that it’s because she’s the most adorable person in the world to him (a moment of silence for our uwus). 

Fast forward to Comte trying to get home after the festivities are over. Problem is, it’s been raining like a mOTHERBLEEPER, and as such carriages have no safe way to traverse the roads at the moment. He waited out the first day as patiently as possible, but after the second–and no sign of stopping–his Leeroy Jenkins instincts kick in. He notes to the coachman that he’s aware he’s asking a lot, but they fully intend to take the long way which invites the least risk–and the rain is ebbing, even if the progress is slow. 

It’s interesting because there’s another echo of his main story in this moment. He essentially showcases a desperation to return before the day ends, though without context it’ll probably seem a little strange, so I’ll do my best to explain. Basically, in his main story, MC notes that she doesn’t really care how different they are. Different time, different species, different experiences, so on and so forth. She hammers home that what matters is that the present is something that they actively share. It’s theirs. And no amount of divisions he desperately tries to draw will change that fundamental reality. 

And it’s a little moving to see how deeply he takes it to heart? I think it’s one of those wonderful phenomena, personally–the way a person can influence how you think and act with their sentiments. Sometimes someone says precisely what it is we need to hear, and it changes us–while it can be for the worse, it can also be for the better. He notes that he spent so many birthdays; among the people serving his house when he was little, raising hell with his friends in his younger days, so on and so forth. Not unlike Leonardo, he says that after so many “special” days the faces become a blur, the festivities lose their luster. It’s just another day, at this point. 

Note, one interesting thing here that stands out to me is that I feel like this is a reflection of both of their larger struggles. Where Comte can’t stand the relentless flow of time rendering him the only constant (and something of a ghost, never fully present), Leonardo can’t bear birthdays because it means remembering people who still mean the world to him, but are long gone. People he can never see again, never laugh with again, never share his life with again. And I think that’s a very profound pain, an anguish that just keeps on settling its weight. (Oh, Sisyphus…)

Comte’s is similar, but different. He actively works to keep his distance-- unlike Leonardo, he approaches immortality in the pragmatic way. He knows getting close will hurt, so he opts out of that–keeps a step behind, an easy smile on his face. Betrays only fragments to anyone, always has his guard up. But the downside of being so guarded means you eventually feel hollowed out and alone; nobody truly knows or understands you. There is a distinct loneliness in that approach, where memories only become reminders of how nothing ever improves and how bereft you are of warmth. 

Leonardo, at least, gets to have the joy of being known from time to time. But loss and estrangement from those people means double the pain in the long run, because he loved them fully. Comte chooses to live in the cold to protect himself, but ends up in a kind of catch-22; the cost of forgoing loss means a constant deadening of his own feelings. It means living in a kind of fog, where there is a distinct discomfort in the silent obscurity of your own heart. 

There’s something I’ve come to believe in my short course of living, so I guess I still need time to determine how true it is. But…I feel like, when people live this way, where who they are is a lie or it’s at the very least carefully concealed, we in part start to become that lie. I think it’s fascinating because Comte seems to have so much personality to him. He’s dramatic, he’s thoughtful, he has a sense of mischief about him, he has strong ideals, and he has an even more ironclad moral grounding. And yet, when he talks about himself, he always uses descriptions that hinge on emptiness. Like he’s worth so little, worth nothing. And that’s what I mean–he’s been trying so hard to glide on the surface that he has come to believe he really is equivalent to something that ephemeral. Like there’s nothing more inside him, or if there is, that it will never be worthy of much. I think it really speaks to the ways behavior impacts the psyche, even though the opposite tends to be considered the only possible cause and effect relationship. 

He’s so determined to live for and in the future while he’s in the present, that he forgets to enjoy himself and really live. And while that approach is certainly understandable, I do think he loses parts of himself along the way. Only to be rediscovered and placed back into his hands by MC: [Today–this moment–our now, I don’t want to miss it for anything.] And that's not even touching on how quick she is to make them a we; she's not letting him keep that distance. It’s not “you have the ability to share this day with me” it’s “we’re here and in this together.”

I feel like what I love about this is that it’s not only about how sweet he is on MC, but also about how much he’s truly living again for the first time. His defenses are slowly inching their way down, he’s letting himself hope and want things and look forward to things again. The thing about being a responsible person is that–while responsibility is all well and good–sometimes you become so mired in doing the right thing and planning the most optimal outcomes that you just aren’t thinking of yourself anymore. That is, if you ever were to begin with. He went from the careful cultivation of a life as an aristocrat, to a life that spoke of more freedom and fun beyond those iron wrought gates, before he returned to the structure of what he knew. Freedom speaks to him I’m sure–we all need it in some measure to survive. But I do think a good portion of that was unfulfilling for him after a point. It was only feeding the void that was beginning to form inside him. He was instinctively retreating into himself to avoid pain, and in doing that the only result was feeling like a coward and a fake. He wasn’t happy, he wasn’t able to be himself, and nothing was fulfilling–every single day just another forward march. 

I think it comes as no surprise he took up Vlad’s initial invitation so willingly. 

But then I digress, back to the story. There’s another timeskip and it finds him racing down the hall of the mansion. He’s hoping to make it in time but knows he’s racing against the clock, and fully expects MC to be asleep by this point in the night. Midway along his path he thinks he spots MC and falters in his step, blinking. He decides to hang back, watching the figure enter his room with a great deal of curiosity and resists every urge to burst in after her. He hears MC speak into his pillow, her voice muffled but clearly despondent: “I miss you, Comte. I hope you get back home soon…” 

Comte pretty much dies right there. I literally have no better explanation for it. He freezes, his heart sputters and stops. He’s just completely taken aback. 

And then, naturally, he goes about feral with desire as is his modus operandi: “Oho, I heard something incredibly cute just now. Were you also having a hard time spending so long apart?”

MC: “…!”

[Startled, she turns around and her eyes widen and widen.]

MC: “Comte, how...”

Comte: “Took a detour in areas with less rain.”

MC: “?? Wouldn’t that still be hard in weather like this?”

Comte: “I told the coachman I wanted to see you as soon as possible. Even if it was only for a second, I wanted to spend today with you…”

[Everything I was thinking while in the carriage spills out of me long before I can help it. I am reminded again of just how utterly irreplaceable an existence MC is in my life.]

Comte: “Even so, it seems interesting that I would find you in my bed”

MC: “...! A--Ah, I’m so sorry for entering without permission!”

[I quickly grab hold of her before she can scramble out of my bed, coaxing her to sink back into the sheets.]

In between a lot of intense making out and [redacted], the larger overtone is that her reciprocated ardor just destroys him inside:

MC: “It was...because I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about wanting to see you…”

Comte: “!”

[You know just how to drive me mad with desire.]

Comte: “I’m the same...the first thing I did was look for you. Even though it was only a few days, your voice, your body, everything...I missed you”

[Because today, our ‘now’--I never want to lose a single moment with you as long as you’re by my side...]

Comte: “I’m so happy to be able to be with you, right here and right now.”

It gets funny too because Comte is trying to take it slow, but when she tells him “Happy birthday” and goes on to say she was so glad to greet the day he was brought into the world by his side, he just loses all control LMFAO. It ends with them getting more heated and [redacted], to the point where he doesn’t even hear the clock strike midnight. 

And if him being the cutest and sexiest romantic wasn’t obvious enough, he spends the next morning just sighing blissfully with her in his arms:

[The next morning, when I wake up, MC is still fast asleep. I mean, given she only fell asleep a few hours ago. I’m still reveling in the afterglow of a sweet night filled with her cries, the way she looked at me and held me. MC...]

[I relax to the sound of her breathing steady with sleep, stroking gently at her hair as I hug her from behind.]

Comte: “I’ve had countless birthdays. In an endless life, I was convinced it was just a day that would come and go every time.”

Comte: “It was only after meeting you that I could understand there was no such thing as an overlapping or identical moment. I don’t want to miss a single second by your side...that’s what I think now.”

[I admit the truth of my heart, brushing a kiss against her cheek. Over and over and over again, showering her in my affection--]

But dun dun dun!!! MC was awake the whole time, so when she fidgets a little at how ticklish his kisses are, he 👁

[Oh, I see. Well then, two can play at that game...]

Comte: “Your punishment is to stay in my arms just as we are...how’s that?”

He gets his mischievous (and hilarious) revenge for being revealed (HORNY TIME), though it’s so suffused with love it’s hard to call it revenge hahaha. She reminds him to go easy on her because they have his birthday party to attend later, and he agrees~

Honestly after such killer hurt/comfort spice fluff, I can only tremble at the thought of what his 5th year bday story will be

It’s either going to be Some Angst^TM or even more killer fluff, and either way that means my days are numbered

[pixelwisp-archive]

any recommendations for hq writing blogs?

oooh yes I do! I have so so many blogs that I love but I decided cut it down to just ten so this didn’t end up being too long💕

I also have a fic rec tag here, and a full x reader tag here! (the rec tag is still pretty new so it’s kinda sparse rn💕) 

🖤 - contains nsfw content!(If you’re below 18, please dni)

In no particular order -

@sunalma - ugh, EVERYTHING Alma writes hits me right in the chest, she’s so incredibly talented and her recent Suna fic has had me in my feels all day today. She’s also quite possibly the sweetest person alive - an absolute angel pie of a human being, She brightens my day whenever she’s on my dash💖

@kuroowo - Cass’s content is the reason I wake up in the morning. Her angst cuts into me like a knife and then her fluff stitches the wound back together. She has such a beautiful way with language that genuinely renders me speechless every time😭💖

@hajimine - salksfklasdf what to even say, They’re one of the blogs I genuinely check daily so I can read their content. I’ve yet to read something of their’s that I didn’t get overwhelmingly emotional over. Also Lex has such an amazing energy and community too, I just love them! Their timestamps are some of my all time favorite 

@kohi-zeri - I first read Over the Moon at like, cried for 10 minutes because it was that beautiful, immediately followed and I’ve binged like all of her content since. Such an incredible writer, I can’t wait to see what she releases next

@neoheros - literally all I can think of to say about Rue is that one lady gaga gif “amazing, showstopping, incredible,” the talent oozes out of her like lava and I will literally throw myself in it every time no questions asked.

@hvnlydmn - Ains is one of those writers who you can tell genuinely enjoys what she writes and that's why its so good every. single. time. She doesn’t care about notes, she writes what inspires her and for who she’s passionate about and it really shines through. I love her content, can never get enough

@teesumu - Tee’s hurt/comfort content (specifically making the boys cry series) hurts so good - she characterizes them all so well and apparently I love pain because I SEEK it out like my life depends on it. Her fluff is immaculate too though, ugh, freakin’ love her writing so much.

@fushiguroll - Ceci is such a fantastic writer and person - its so hard not to love everything about her. She puts 120% into everything - from writing her headcanons and fics, interacting with her community, to editing her blog (its stunning). Her Season + Time series literally breathes life into me, its so so good. She's also a freakin' machine and has a crazy amount of content and it's all fucking amazing, to be frank - I have spent hours reading through her content and just swooning over anime boys lmao

@oikawakuns🖤 - OK OK OK FLORA’S EVERYTHING IS SO GOOD I CAN’T GET ENOUGH PLS IF YOU HAVE A NOYA APPRECIATION /PLEASE/ READ Encore Une fois - its so so cute and I still think about it daily ahhhhhh

@mintmatcha 🖤 - I swear to god I’m a masochist. But they just. They write angst so well - I think I discovered them from their Matsukawa fic called Late Night Chat, and I immediately followed - I didn’t have any particularly strong feelings about Mattsun until that fic tbh, and even though its been like well over a month since I read it I literally think about it, and him, every day. So So good.