#they’re not even here yet and I’d walk thru fire for them

[intriga-hounds]

is it possible to love a living being this much????

i ask this every time a new dog comes into my life and yes, not only is it possible, it’s unavoidable.

i love every one of my dogs to the point of bursting and here i am doing it all over again. 🥰

[a-warm-whisper]

I've been researching PPD because of my mom and im finding it so hard to do the things they are telling me. Don't fight them, accept their feelings, don't tell them they're wrong, listen to why they are upset. Im trying, im trying, im trying. A lot of the info says there is not much you can do until they seek help, but she has always refused. Lately she has been saying "well im better now" and its actually getting so much worse! She blames the last time she had an episode on her going through menopause but I don't think that was purely the case. Her last episode lasted years and this time is almost worse.

The last time she thought that my dad (who she has been divorced from since I was 5) was watching her and listening to her all the time. She used to cover the tvs in sheets so they couldn't record her, thought there was a listening device in the car so we could never talk about anything remotely serious without her "shhhhhushing" me, unless we were outside then we could whisper. She would tell me my friends weren't actually friends, our family didn't care about us, and EVERYONE we ran into she would think somehow knew my dad and was relaying information back to him somehow. She'd get FURIOUS, SCREAM AND THREATEN ME if I accidently let something slip to a random stranger that she didnt want my dad finding out. It got so bad she started shopping two towns over so no one would know her and that worked for a while until she started thinking that even those people knew my dad. She couldn't keep any friends because eventually they would either think she's nuts or she would misinterpret something they said into something awful and explode on the person about it eventually causing them to never want to talk to her again. And she'd never apologize even after I could convince her she had been wrong. She REFUSES to ever admit she's wrong with anything, not just related to her theories. I remember how she would wake me up in the middle of the night threatening to take me to jail or a boarding school if she found out i was telling my dad bad things about her. She tried so hard to convince me that my dad was some horrible creature that tormented her practically to death and it made me feel weird. I never believed her. Eventuslly she stopped saying anything about it and it seemed like she got better, but I wonder if she possibly still thinks he is out to destroy her?

This time is a little different. A little more controlled but its getting worse and worse. Now she is in love with the man on the radio....this one guy, who does the town news and talk show every morning except Sunday. Shes never fucking met him. Never once. Not even out and about (its a very small town i live in) and yet, she's MADLY in love with this man, who she knows nothing about. She thinks he knows who she is though. She did talk to him once on the phone. She called the station and asked him something about gardening to which he told her the answer and that was that, but now she thinks they have some secret thing going and that she loves him. But she also hates everyone else at the radio station because she believes they don't like her and believe she is somehow "using him" for money. So EVERY SINGLE SONG OR COMMENT OR WORD OF THE DAY OR ANYTHING SAID is directed at her. She is constantly telling me "oh Mike played this one song for me, he keeps playing songs about lost love" or if someone else plays a song that is about sadness or something its directed at her. Its hard to explain so here are some texts:

"You are probably asleep but I can't sleep because of the learn a word that Mike had this morning. It was reputation. Then Helen song was Man Eater. I am not a man eater all my husbands married me for MY money!!!! 2 husbands hit or strangled me or both! I kept the houses spotless. Did their laundry etc and now I have a REPUTATION!!!!!!!! I didn't have the men I dated but because I wouldn't & told them NO they spread awful stuff about me! Never done drugs do to my profession. My nursing came first always!!! Was always a hard worker. Some nights I never sat down! BUT I HAVE THE BAD REPUTATION!!!!!!! The thing these people have not even met me. Until you know someone you should not judge them!!!!!!! Haven't dated for 22 years because I was waiting on someone that was decent I had a lot in common with & was respected. Oh well I guess there just aren't any like that anymore!!!!!!

Yes I went thru a bad spell but that was because I was going thru the change of life thing. Which I hope yours goes more smoothly than mine did! Now there is medicine for what I went thru. This is how I feel If they treat me nice I treat them nice.

My own relatives will not even talk to me because Jody & Bill have said awful stuff about me! If they were in TBE same situation( no car) I would tell them to go ahead & cut down some trees and get a vehicle but they thing I'm a user. When Bill was without a job he borrowed thousands of dollars from his mom. Things are just not true what people are saying about me!!!!!!!"

These are from last night, she sends me things like this a couple times a week now. And she deletes them immediately after sending them because she doesn't understand that the whole world can't read our texts. I have no idea how to handle it. Everything she thinks is wrong. So wrong and I can't force her to see the truth.

I'm lost. And it just gets worse and she puts it all on me and expects me to figure everything out for her. She keeps asking me questions of what I really think, so I tell her what I think and she gets upset, screams and cries about how horrible I am for not believing her and then thats that. Im so lost. Its too much and I have no idea how to handle it. I wish I could ask a doctor how to help her more but I don't know how to do that. Im just tired tired tired. She keeps draining me.

Now she has had to go to the doctor a lot recently too because they found cancer in her stool sample and she isnhaving a hard time with this and I feel bad for her I truly do but I also don't know how to help her because she keeps not believing the doctors are telling her the truth. She keeps misinterpreting the nurses body language and thinks they are out to actually kill her EVEN THO THEY DONT KNOW HER. and I have to say, if I was a nurse I'd hate my mom too. She used to be a nurse, when I was young that was her job, but she quit after thinking people were trying to get her fired and she never worked as one again. BUT NOW, when she does go to the doctor she just HAS to make sure that EVERYONE KNOWS that she used to be a nurse so don't try to pull one over on her. She probably passes them off so badly because she walks in the place with an attitude because she thinks she was the best nurse ever to exist ever. So she has to tell everyone "did you know im a nurse, just retired" (which is a lie) and then when they don't acknowledge her she gets furious and thinks they are out to get her. She doesn't believe the things they say are wrong or not wrong with her, because she knows better.

I'm just, exhausted. And my boyfriend doesn't understand the depth of the situation. He just thinks I should stop talking to her but SHES ALL ALONE. she has no friends, no family, just me. She's ran everyone else away. She doesn't even have her own vehicle right now so I'm her only source to the outside world. How would she even get groceries if I didn't talk to her? But she is so demanding and draining and utterly depresses me to no end.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just needed to dump all this somewhere.

[vroenis]

Uncharted 4: An Era’s End

It’s recently come to light that game developer Naughty Dog has been subjecting its employees to crunch; the practice of overworking and underpaying staff in order to meet deadlines. This is not unique to Naughty Dog, nor to their current project pending release later this year, The Last Of US 2. Reports suggest that crunch has been endemic in the working culture of Naughty Dog for some time and this is now no surprise to us as such reports continue to surface about studio after studio, most in the corporately structured, premium funded and managed space we call “triple A” or AAA, but many smaller studios and independent spaces also. Several senior and long-tenured creatives have left Naughty Dog quite recently, and some may have been leaving earlier than those that have been reported during what’s turning out to be a turbulent development cycle for The Last Of Us 2.

Each month, as part of the paid subscription to the Playstation Plus online service, Sony offers a small selection of games. For April, one of them was Naughty Dog’s Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End, from which I derived my title. Not only am I here to suggest the studio’s troubles may have begun during the development of this game, first released back in 2016, but the title may have been one of the first significant indications that the book was closing on AAA development as we know it. I appreciate there have been many good voices shouting from the rooftops about the how unsustainable it’s been from before then, but the Naughty Dog for a long time seemed like a light in the dark, signalling that a big studio could still produce good product under strong leadership.

I feel that Uncharted 4 rather than The Last Of Us 2 is the real light, and instead of a light-house, it turned out to be a signal-fire warning that even then the composure of Naughty Dog was an illusion.

This piece is going to contain significant spoilers for Uncharted 4. It’s also not investigative - I just played it for the first time, completed it and I have some thoughts about it; these are my thoughts.

I didn’t like the third game at all. I took nothing away from it. I’ll never play it again as there’s nothing I want to relive from it, so I’d better look up the wiki on what happened in it... well that didn’t help at all as I don’t remember playing any of that, it was so unmemorable. I remember the wandering around in the desert bit and then some shooting in the desert which was all pointless. There were also some puzzles with shadow puppets that were almost good but so short and pointless, those two things sum up my feelings about the third game entirely.

What a way to start.

I’ve replayed the first and second games once each, so I’ve played those each twice thru and have decided that the first game is overlong and poorly paced, and the second game is the best and probably two-thirds good. Honestly, Elena should drop the Drakes in the ocean, run-off with Chloe and keep in touch with Sully because those are the only three characters with any depth and meaning. Let’s roll-back a bit.

I get that Nathan’s supposed to be a charming, happy-go-lucky character and for the most part, it works. Maybe I’m just getting too old for it or it’s wearing too thin. I really think the third game was completely unnecessary. When I review my notes on the fourth game, I think about the emotional quandary it attempts to set up i.e., ultimately that Nathan should be more honest with Elena - spoiler; he isn’t, but don’t worry it all works out *SPIT* - this was already a problem I was ready to face at the end of the second game. Given my feelings on the third game, I’d have much preferred a simple trilogy and conclusion that faced that emotional brunt to wrap things up. Naturally of-course, that’s not how money-spinners work.

If Uncharted 4 doesn’t spend time on Elena, who does it spend time on? Nathan has a brother! To be fair, I love Troy Baker as a voice actor and if there’s one thing that is consistent in Naughty Dog games, it’s excellent voice acting. I don’t know if I’m now biased after seeing so much of Nolan North and Troy Baker on YouTube outside of their VO talent work, but they’re wonderful people and their professional work is always great. The supporting cast is always great, too - so too the villains even if the narrative arcs are always completely absurd. I know these are always a bit of a lark, you can’t take them too seriously so I can’t hold Uncharted up to Kentucky Route Zero (got my mention in) and shake them comparatively, that’s not fair. It’s OK to have an excuse for a romp even if it does wear on a bit over time.

The problems I have with Uncharted 4 specifically are things like the level and environmental design. I’ve never gotten lost in this franchise up until now when it happened in almost every level... several times. I simply didn’t know where to go. There would be absolutely no clear indication of where to go and no assists, no subtle environmental guide and no camera nudges to help. There is a timer that eventually tells the player where to go and at times, this is tied to deaths so at one point I just threw Nathan off cliffs repeatedly to respawn until the hint appeared. This is unquestionably stupid design. I began to wonder if this was due to criticism that previous games had too much hand-holding, but when the UI assist was finally given and I made my way to the next check-point, I would *never* have found it under normal exploratory gameplay.

This remained true during several moments of scripted action sequences, some including during combat which brings up something else I now remember about the third game. I still couldn’t tell you when it was other than I didn’t know where to go and it was stupid, so there you have it. Maybe the third game was the real signal fire in my metaphor, who knows. In any case, constantly reverting to check-points and having to repeat, not understanding why you’re failing when the game isn’t telegraphing what you need for a success state in a scripted sequence is an exercise in frustration I’m not willing to ever repeat. While I’m not a souls-like player, I completely appreciate the admiration and respect for those games because they have rules that are clear to parse. Video games are *all about* providing feedback to the player. I’m not saying it’s easy, it is an incredibly difficult thing to achieve but it is literally the job you set out to do, it is the only vehicle you have to convey the lofty emotions you want to communicate to your audience.

And then there’s the driving. Naughty Dog. Do not put driving in your games. This is something you’re not able to do.

I don’t want to bash the driving so hard because at this point I feel like it may have been bolted on without time to make it stick correctly. This is the first game in the title where the hot-zones for interactions weren’t quite right. Where I bugged out of animations and had check-points or re-spawns instanced or loaded. Where I glitched out and fell off things, where I had to walk back and forth in-front of things to make buttons appear. The edges of that Naughty Dog polish were fraying. I’d attempt to do a thing and it just wouldn’t work, I’d fall to my death. I’d attempt to do the same thing the same way and it would work. Again this is dredging up more nondescript memories of the third game so I’m beginning to have my suspicions about the working environment there and when in the timeline things started getting bad - but cameras and jumping distances got really difficult to judge. One gap at one time would be fine to jump, then another would have you plunge to your death, and they’d be inconsistent to read or judge. These were not frequent, as with the third game, almost as if the artists and level designers were given time to adjust lighting and camera geometry tracking and control mapping as much as possible but just couldn’t get to them all. But throughout the games, it creeps in more and more.

I’d talk about combat - it’s functional, but it’s not interesting. These games don’t add anything interesting to the genre or video games in general. I play the games on easy because I don’t need to prolong the experience, I don’t actually have the physical time - if I could play the games without combat, I would. There are other games to play if I want dexterity challenges which I do engage in, Uncharted isn’t one of them. Even in 2016 I’m not entirely sure this would have turned heads. I realise I’m playing this a full four years later, but it’s hard to think of the sum-total of this game’s parts and see it as relevant...

But you know what? Uncharted 4 visually looks immaculate. Outside of the voice-acting and sound design, without question, the highest priority has been given to the visual fidelity of this game inclusive of the animations. So much has been invested in how the tech works, to the abandonment of everything else, I’d say the for example, the driving suffered the most, level design next, then interaction scripting. The attention to detail in the environments is stupendous...

...yet it’s all hollow. You know what? I don’t care about pirates and adventures anymore. Whatever. By the fourth game, I don’t care. I totally get that the game’s not for me but I played it and I’m writing how I feel about it. You’re telling me a story about a guy who met the person of his dreams and marries, then his brother turns up and he can’t be honest to his wife? Meow meow meow it’s all for the sake of drama so we skip over all the details but the contrivance is too much. You want me to accept these things on face value, then on face value, I say Nathan and his brother can go get fucked.

I took particular issue with the comically brief relationship discussion Elena and Nathan have after she saves him and they set off together in which she concludes she’s with him “for better or for worse”, which from memory the game chapter is titled after. Now either the character genuinely believes she owes him under the sanctity of nuptial obligation or she’s using it as a justification of such. This is a wholly unsatisfying discussion for me was when I finally checked out of this game - sure I should have done so hours before but this was the last straw and the indication that I am definitely too old for this shit - but this is a horrifying and stupid message to be spouting. Elena don’t owe anyone shit. Married or not, she’s free to save Nathan if she wants to, for any reason, but she’s certainly not obliged to. I despise this massive chunk of traditionalist patriarchy smashed into her character and the narrative, even if it is “well it’s just about her character” yea great, so that just re-enforces her as a loyal dog-trophy for the main character in the on-going male power-fantasy shenanigans shit-train. Nathan’s behaviour isn’t exactly selfish but it’s certainly not adult or considerate. He behaves like a child not taking on an appropriate level of responsibility. Others around him, being Elena and Sully, continuously bail him out - literally saving his life while endangering their own, and he continues to behave like a manchild that neither acknowledges their physical and emotional labour nor does he grow and evolve as an individual. What a fucker. Does he ever sort his shit out, ask Elena what she wants to do for a career and support whatever the fuck she wants to do with her life? Of-course the fuck he doesn’t. Know why? Because he’s a literal man-baby. And his brother is too. But that’s OK cos  he’s a fucken jock-hero and a funny guy so as long as we can all laugh about it and the narrative says-so and it all works out in the end and he gets the girl and she ends-up supporting his career anyway, it’s aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall fine.

Nathan should have died and Elena shouldn’t have given a fuck.

I know I know, it’s not that serious. Look I’ve been thru some shit, alright? I can see it both ways. Sometimes you don’t think about stupid shit that deep and sometimes you do. Most of the time, I do, and most of the time, I take it to the nth degree, so yea, shit like that gets to me. I call it bad writing, so no, I don’t like the story. At all. Nathan’s supposed to be flawed but nothing ever costs him. When people make mistakes in life, those mistakes cost. The unfortunately thing is the cost is most often paid by the others around them, and sometimes they themselves never realise it. I don’t like stories where there’s a fuckhead at the centre but everyone still stays happy. Nathan seems to have been given a lesson, but I don’t think he earned it. This is why y’all watch Game of Thrones and are surprised when characters die because you keep consuming narratives with no stakes, and GoT is *still* only middling stuff.

Anyway.

How could Elena’s character have been given more attention? Uncharted 4 isn’t all bad. The most valuable thing Naughty Dog achieved was the recreation of real domestic spaces; the Drake households. Twice, we’re given time and space and encouraged to explore them without being funnelled by level design, events, NPC shepherding or audio cues. Rooms and the objects that fill them are meticulously and beautifully created, and they're given life and purpose in a way that has meaning far beyond all the pirate nonsense that while almost as equally beautiful, is completely vacuous.

Putting on Elena’s vinyl record as her daughter Cassie was the only time I enjoyed the music in the game, and it was a great call-back to Nathan having done the same thing in their house much earlier. Sure, there’s the Drake theme that repeats ad nauseam throughout the series but otherwise the soundtrack is bland and unremarkable adventuring fare. It contributes more to the feeling of this game being out of touch, contrasted to something like Control which certainly has a completely different setting, sure - but that’s part of it, so that affords the creative team room for more modular synths and drones and to have a distinct sound.

Walking thru those houses, first as Nathan but really as the player repositioning themselves from adventurer to ordinary life-living person in a domestic setting, and then as Cassie - daughter of these two amazing characters in an equalling urbane setting yet filled with wonderful objects, made up the most fascinating and enjoyable moments of the game for me. The mess of each room gave the houses the perfect lived-in feel to a degree that most other games struggle to achieve, probably due to how much effort it takes to get that much geometry mapped in - Giant Sparrow’s What Became of Edith Finch is probably one of the few games that has come close. The difference between the tropical islands, decaying pirate mansions and the domestic Drake residences is that the houses felt like everything in there felt like it meant something and was in there for a reason, like it had been part of something. I don’t mean that just for the objects that were intrinsically tied to implicit narrative beats like collectables or even items from countries where Uncharted 4 or prior games are set, but also things like towels, washing baskets, plates and dishes, books and picture frames, shampoo bottles, food - the detail in the fridges! That you can feed Cassie’s dog, Vicky is the most meaningful interaction of the game - by the way, the second most meaningful set of interactions is buying an apple in the market in Madagascar then playing with lemur and letting it take the apple.

Back to the houses, I’m disappointed we never got to walk through one of them as Elena. Now that the core of the franchise is wrapped, I’m left with the impression that she’s the most important character in the series and she’s left woefully under-served. This is a very me thing, and unsurprising. I doubt anyone else cares enough about writing and character to have thoughts like this. They’re into Uncharted for the adventuring and the shooting, but as soon as you present me the opportunity for character drama and you want to have a red-hot go at it, I’m here to set aside the rest of that guff and go for it. The running and jumping and shooting never changes, and I’m here to say that the puzzling could have stepped up orders of magnitude that Naughty Dog never committed to - Crystal Dynamics did far better with Rise Of The Romb Raider, and while the puzzling was never really difficult, the way I described it to a friend was to liken the puzzles to desk toys; not intended to be too challenging, but more satisfying in their tactile nature. I feel Fireproof’s The Room series for iOS and Android are great examples of providing similar sensations.

I don’t mind a game mostly about shenanigans, I just don’t want it centred around a character that won’t learn, or who gets off cheaply. Elena is infinitely more interesting to me - her concerns, her desires - Chloe too, for that matter, and I absolutely am not above making the joke about shipping them as I’m sure thousands have before me (no I won’t write a fanfic about them, I’m sure there are plenty around).

I didn’t play the first The Last of Us. There was a horrifically jarring moment when the game felt it was over-playing its sense of cinema to me, then had a sudden camera zoom transition onto I think the first combat gameplay and I checked out. The tone of that game is trying to telegraph TAKE ME SERIOUSLY and I feel all I’m going to do is read tonally similar things to what I have here but far worse. Also post-apocalypse is easy pickings for bad writing, especially by video games narrative writers, I just don’t have the patience. I’m pleased that there’s lesbian representation in the second game but I’m not sure it’ll be handled with sensitivity. While I’m in no way invested in the game as a product, I continue to be concerned for the welfare of the employees at Naughty Dog, and all game developers everywhere, as always. It is a hugely unregulated industry that is in the process of slow collapse, and now more than ever do we need reform and cultural change.

And in the midst of that, one day we’ll get a decent game that’s about domestic partnerships and wonderful emotional relationships with stunning visual fidelity; maybe it’ll have running and jumping and shooting and maybe it won’t. Maybe it’ll end sadly and maybe it’ll end happily but hopefully it’ll be well-written. 

Here’s to Elena.

[ansu-gurleht]

okay so i went through the datamined books from eso, taking notes as i went. @boethiah sent me a message this morning about it, asking what i thought. so i figured i might as well get real comprehensive about taking down notes to answer decently, or at least do it to organize my thoughts. 

before she sent me that i hadn’t heard about this, so i went into it bright-faced and intrigued. i didn’t think my notes would end up too long, so i just figured i’d send them to her when i was done, even “talking” to her in the notes (you’ll see what i mean by that). 

but uh. as all things lore-related, i got a bit carried away. stopped almost halfway thru to go to class, and by then i’d started to notice some really weird, kinda silly shit in it. and then i noticed everybody in tesblr talking about it, and finally realized, “oh. so it’s like that.” so i figure i’ll post it here publicly instead.

despite the uh. obvious nonsense in a lot of this, i think there’s a lot of interesting things hidden away. so what i’m going to do is just post my notes under the read-more. i’m too lazy to organize them into something more coherent lol. they’re basically just me commenting on certain lines and stuff. 

i won’t like, really go into why most of this is stupid, bc other people have already done so, and better than i probably could’ve. but you’ll know. somethings i quote things and just. have no idea how to even address them other than, at best, “??????” either bc it doesn’t make much sense, eludes useful analysis, or is just stupid.

anyways, here goes:

book 1:

azura: - "the Path"? am i wrong or has a "Path" never been referenced in khajiiti lore?

khenarthi: - alkosh comforts khenarthi after lorkhaj died? yeah right. - khenarthi's role as psychopomp for azurah mirrors kyne's role for shor. but azura doesn't factor into nord/atmoran mythology at all.

jone and jode: - azurah cares for jone and jode? interesting. (also, "Bright Moons"? full moons?)

lorkhaj: - lorkhaj as "White Lion?" - namiira (the Great Darkness) followed lorkhaj as his burden? - mention of a "path" again, made by lorkhaj with purpose. sounds yokudan. - "in conflict with himself" & "represents the duality of the Khajiiti soul" ... desert and jungle ... strife, hardship, and life, love ... both tainted deadly by nirni, according to ahnissi - "We honor his sacrifice by walking the Path with purpose and resisting the call of the Dark." ... the Path again ... the Dark? namiira? - (the khajiit seem to conflate namira and nocturnal. this isn't a new concept, as they both genuinely do overlap in many ways, but an interesting one.) - "the true spirit of Lorkhaj will sometimes appear" ... "by Azurah" - nerevar/ine, "or Khenarthi" - hjalti, "or by his oldest name" - ...ysmir?

magrus: - all of this magrus stuff is new, to my knowledge. - the importance of him fleeing from "Boethra and Lorkhaj" probably excites you :P - "fell into the Moonshadow" ... "too full of fear to rule a sphere" ... "tore out his other eye" (odin parallel? a "failed" odin, maybe? unless seeing "out of one eye" is metaphorical) - "Varliance Gate"???? "Aether Prism"???? they're the sun, but those names are brand new afaik. overall a strange alternative to the story of magnus and the sun - "Some sorcerers hold that Magrus left the eye willingly" - more odin stuff

book 2:

- azurah knows all the names of all the spirits, their protonyms? that's interesting. a lot of that "protonymic" lore is derived from the whole "true names have power" stuff, popular in magical circles from sources like kabbalah thru the lens of crowley. - "And Fadomai told stories of her children and her favorite aspects of each of them. When she reached Azurah, she smiled and told her favored daughter she could not decide. And Fadomai died." ;----; - "sat in the Great Darkness for timeless ages" ... sat with namiira? - seems to have carved moonshadow from the great darkness. (the great darkness seems to have dual meaning as both oblivion and namiira. then again, i think only clan mother ahnissi said the great darkness was namiira, so that (morrowind) lore might be outdated.) - this scene with lorkhaj and his empty dark heart is......interesting. - "UR DRA NA MII RA UR DRA NA MII RA UR DRA AZU RA" - you can pick out "namiira" and "azura" in this, but the meaning of "UR" and "DRA" elude me. - lorkhaj gets his heart torn out YET AGAIN. very rude azurah - the "Moon Beast" and its hunger remind me of the yokudan sep. - i think once upon the time "dro-m'Athra" referred to daedra in general, but i think eso has made them a specific type of daedra resembling khajiit. even more specifically, some kind of "dark khajiit" born from dead evil khajiit. - "lighting the fire with lanterns of love and mercy" - your vivec is showing, azurah. or i guess, the other way around. - this "ashes of Lorkhaj" bit gets me thinking about ysmir, again. but i'm not sure what to do with that.

book 3

sheggorath: - now THIS is a not shitty interpretation of sheggorath! he's not a "god of madness," but a god of mental fortitude, a god who tests convinction. - more stuff about "the Path" - "must be ... overcome before a Khajiit can visit Hermorah's library"? - "Sheggorath is dead and has been replaced by something Other" - the hero of kvatch? but if this is from eso, that hasn't happened yet? unless the mantling of sheogorath is a pretty common occurrence; i remember someone on tumblr suggested that this might happen every era.

orkha: - "Orkha ... followed Boethra back through the Many Paths" ... what does that mean? - "Lorkhaj, Khenarthi, and Boethra battled the demon in the ancient songs" - ... as trinimac? - "but Orkha could only be banished and would not die" ;) - "serve as tests along the Path" - so far these princes are being painted similarly to their house of troubles counterparts

dagon (also called merrunz.) - no reference to merrunz being the kitty cat. :( next - ...okay not really. "explore the Great Darkness rather than the Many Paths"? - molagh "tortured him until the creation of the World?" but "the wife of Molagh freed Merrunz"? who is "the wife of Molagh"?

molagh (balls) - "twelve Demon Kings"? should probably look into how they got that number - "Boethra and Molagh fought to a standstill before the lattice, but it was Azurah who shackled the Demon King with secrets only she knows." - i dont have anything to say about this really, just an interesting line i think. - "you will overcome him with the might of Boethra, the Will Against Rule." - interesting...afaik, aside from HAVING a khajiit name, boethiah never really factored into their faith that much, and wasn't ever mentioned in clan mother ahnissi. i wonder if azurah at some point attempted to unify her plans for the dunmer and the khajiit.

merid-nunda - interestingly, the khajiit seem to call her by her magna-ge name. - "False Spirit of Greed"? - magrus "loved only himself and his own creations"? idk if this seems all that congruent with the magrus from his own description - "cold spirit, born of light without love" - interesting - "blame her for orchestrating the death of might Lorkhaj"??!?!?!? what?????????? - "When Merid-Nunda dared assault the Lattice, Azurah struck her down before the Varliance Gate and dragged her away from it. She then cast Merid-Nunda into the Void and bound her there with mirrors. The nomads say she has since escaped." this whole thing is interesting

book 4

nirni: - nothing interesting on nirni.

y'ffer: - y'ffer "corrupted by the Great Darkness," (namira), who apparently killed nirni???!??! what??????? - worth noting that ahnissi doesn’t paint y’ffer as “corrupted” or evil or anything. in her words he’s kinda just a moron who doesn’t *get it* and does his own thing instead.  - don’t get the obsession with making namiira some like. crazy super evil being. feels like eso took a look at the list of princes and was like “who hasn’t tried to destroy/take over the world yet. that’s what daedric princes do right”

hircine - hircine doesn't get a funny ta'agra name, i guess. - graht-elk?

hermorah - hermorah helps azurah maintain the ja-kha'jay?

sangiin - according to what this says about sangiin, khajiit are actually NOT one of the most hedonistic races on tamriel. suuuuuuuuure, buddy.

book 5

- a look at the khajiit afterlife w/ azurah in moonshadow. - first you walk the sands, then you walk the glass, then you walk the thorns, then you have a good time, then azurah sends you back to nirn do something else (reincarnated)? but it might just be this one guy who goes off to do something ("Bring my children back"), he seems kinda special. no idea who he's supposed to be.

book 6

- all this shit about akha and alkosh and alkhan is bullshit. the fuck is akha even supposed to be? according to his name you'd assume an association with akatosh, but alkosh is akatosh, right?

akha: - this book says akha is the first cat. ahnissi says alkosh is the first cat. - "Pathfinder and the One Unmourned" - are we talking about akatosh or dagoth ur here. - "Many Paths"??? again?? what are they. knockoff walking ways? - "mated with the Winged Serpent of the East [akavir], the Dune Queen of the West [yokuda], and the Mother Mammoth of the North [atmora]. He then went to the South [pyandonea] and never returned." then alkosh shows up and says "yikes that akha guy was a little fucked huh?"

alkosh: - alkosh is "The Dragon King" and "Highmane." association with the Mane of the khajiit - "In time, the children of Akha overthrew [Alkosh] and scattered his body on the West Wind." ...??? is this a reference to the middle dawn? seems unlikely - apparently khenarthi put him back together. also seems unlikely

alkhan: - oh so the khajiit recognize alduin now too. cool.

boethra: - and boethiah i guess, why not????

mafala: - mafala has always been part of khajiit religion, tho, afaik. she is the og clan mother. - "She watches over Eight of the Many Paths, each of which a Khajiit must walk in time." ?????????? wtf are the many paths!!!!! why are there eight of them!!!!!! is this a reference to the spiral skein, or satellite realms (the spokes) of it? - forreal i think they gave up on pretense here when they started listing allies and shit. - "Her numbers are Eight and Sixteen, and these are two of her keys." this just sounds like something from the 36 lessons tbh. this doesn't sound like khajiit lore at all

book 7

lorkhaj (moon beast): - confusingly, lorkhaj as fadomai's favored son and lorkhaj as the moon beast are called by the same name, and despite this have separate entries in these books. - wonder if there's some equivalent in other myths to the moon beast. he seems pretty interesting, being "born of the dark heart of Lorkhaj" - there's UR DRA again, attached to namiira, again, who is apparently an enemy of the khajiit.

namiira: - apparently eso has rebranded namiira as like, an absolute enemy of the khajiit, with the dro-m'athra as her corrupted-khajiit minions or something? except i thought dro-m'athra originated from the moon beast? anyways, ahnissi only said that the great darkness became namiira. didn't say that was a bad thing necessarily. - also, her khajiiti ta'agra name, namiira, just so happens to be her protonym, NA MII RA.

noctra: - oh, so they do have nocturnal, as "noctra". - wait, so she's the "daughter of twilight"??? isn't twilight, idk, azura's thing???? (i feel like i've heard nocturnal be associated with twilight before, but it still makes little sense. it was probably from eso, too.) - boethra separated noctra from namiira. one could say she *stole* noctra from namiira ;) - noctra is ok by the khajiit, whereas her progenitor namiira is not. ok?

varmiina: - ok we have vaermina now too i guess. why the fuck not. - "The Lost Daughter. This spirit was not of any litter, but was born from Fadomai's fear of losing her children." - "Azurah killed this dark spirit in the Underworld" what the fuck is "the Underworld". they just be making shit up now

[?????] (no, really. that's what it says. dunno if that's a placeholder or intentional): - "[?????] A spirit of vengeance. It has no will of its own, as it was born from Azurah's grief after the death of Fadomai and Lorkhaj." ????? - "It sometimes appears in songs as a black panther, a warrior in ebony armor, or as a hidden sword." idk about "a black panther," but the "warrior in ebony armor" evokes ebonarm, who's technically still canon, and "a hidden sword" could be umbra. not sure what the connection here is.

[bougiebutbalanced]

An Apology & Cease-Fire

I try hard to love myself. It’s something that I actively practice everyday. Now before pass judgement, roll your eyes and think “its easy to love yourself when you look like that” I’m gonna stop you right there.  This isn’t how I’ve always looked. And certainly not how I always felt. I’ve battled the demons in my mind and mirror for as long as I can remember. 

I grew up in a time when everyone wore extra low rise jeans and tiny tops that displayed their belly rings. Xtina was dirrty, Paris Hilton was hot, 00 was the ideal size and the resident It Girl informed us that nothing tasted as good being skinny felt. 

But.... I wasn't built to wear 00 jeans. While my peers struggled to find jeans that were small enough around their waste yet long enough to cover their ankles, I fit comfortably into a size 6. I had an hourglass figure for as long as I could remember. But since I’m not Latina and those only person who it was acceptable to have curves was JLo, I began to develop some insecurities about myself. 

From the time I was about 12 I began every morning on the scale. Not my idea, non-optional, and overseen by my mom -one of my main demons disguised as a guardian angel. 3 little numbers would dictate whether I would climb into the shower and danced (150-151lbs) or cried (152lbs): for reference I was about 5’7-5’8. Thus began my war against my body. And I lost every battle. 

Growing up, I became aware that every group of friend had a fat friend --And when the DUFF book/movie eventually came out I began to think maybe I wasn't alone-- I had originally noticed this because that friend was always me. I had a habit of scanning whatever room I was in and mentally sorting the girls from best body to fattest. And being excited when I wasn’t in last. Albeit i was usually second to last. 

I began to binge. However the only eating disorders that existed were anorexia and bulimia- there was no such thing as a disorder where you ate copious amounts of junk food without the purge part (which for me came later). I was consumed with shame and guilt

The root of my shame and guilt stemmed from my mom. She has a my way is the best way attitude. With everything in life. She has an opinion on everything and if you don’t respond with “wow best idea ever how would I live without you” she gets upset. Those are her own insecurities, but they manifest in unhealthy ways towards me. Having a mom who judged everything I ate created constant shame and guilt around food. But when I wanted to do some kind of diet, she was supportive until it was inconvenient for her. Like if we were going out for dinner or if she was having people over then I should “just have a little.”  Or that time everyone was going vegetarian so I tried too and she made ribs and tacos and other things I loved trying to “break” me. Thanks mom 

This also led to my distain for exercising. Actually, just my distain for running. I hate running. Always have. It hurts and it’s boring and I’ve never been great at it. But my mom became a runner in her 20s and therefore it’s the only way to get healthy. I would’ve preferred spin classes or to try Pilates and I love swimmning but she didn't like those things and therefore in her mind they were inferior to the almighty option for weight loss: Running. Not cardio in general, just running.  

Then, in my early 20′s I got sick. I had a flare up of PCOS (super common auto immune and if you have it go to a naturopath and follow the diet- you’ll feel sooo much better I promise) I gained weight uncontrollably. But I also binged uncontrollably so I’m sure that contributed. I was also dangerously anemic which caused major depression. However I’m going to skip over most that time because it was a long and painful process of recovery. 

Before I lost all energy to do anything all I knew was that I was gaining weight and so I lived on celery and hummus and went to the gym twice a day.  I also tried to push thru my exhaustion, resting in my mom's eyes in lazy and therefore unacceptable, in her eyes you couldn't possibly heal if you were just laying on the couch, you should be up and moving. A prime example of this is when I got home from Australia, I’d drive the 20min in from our house to her office and I’d be so tired I’d have a headache from keeping my eyes open. But she told me it was jet lag just go to the gym and work it off... it was mono. We found out after it got really bad. I’d helped to unload 200 bails of hay and that night my glands swoll up to golf balls. The next day I was diagnosed and the dr said no impact sports or heavy lifting or my spleen could burst, it was pure luck that I was okay after lifting those bails.

Anyway, I was in my early 20s and now the Kardashians curves were envied and Kate Upton was the epitome of gorgeous, times had changed...but so had I. I was at my sickest, and my heaviest (260lbs) looking back at my high school pictures and wondering why I thought I was fat. If I could just get back to that weight, I’d be so happy. Yet, I’d cry when I saw memes about having a fast metabolism in high school because I never had one. So the war raged on, I hated how I didn’t look like I did in high school, yet I hated that I was skinny in high school....and I never saw the link.

Eventually I healed, and  went on a diet (its called Ideal Protein and its Keto). I did this diet 3 times. The first I went back down to 180. Then went off it, and gained back up to about 220. Then I went back on it and dropped to 195, went off and gained back to 210...then slowly over the next year I gained back up to 220. And then I tried to be bulimic. Turns out I like the feeling of throwing up (ya    that might be weird) so I’d binge and binge and then throw everything up. I’d go shopping and try things on and when they didn't fit, I’d swear to myself that I’d “commit” to being bulimic, and do it twice a day. But it didn't help me lose weight, it just slowed down the gain. 

The third time and final time I did the Ideal Protein I was in a different (and much better) place mentally thanks to the therapist I was seeing at the time. I dropped to 165, and when I went off it I went vegan. I bought my own groceries and even though I live with my parents they work out of town so I’m mostly on my own for meals too. Sometimes I go through phases where I eat unhealthy and I go up in weight and then I go through phases where I eat very healthy, i.e: vegan (not preaching for everyone to be vegan but I’ve found that it works well for me personally) gained up to 175 and then lost (on my own). I’m currently in one of those going up phases and whatever. It started when I went to Bali and enjoyed myself, then I was unemployed and stressed so not a great reaction (I sprained my ankle in Bali so no dynamic exercise and even a lot of yoga poses I couldn't do) and now I’m on vacation for Xmas. I don’t enjoy what my body looks like right now but I’m trying not to care. I know when I go home I’ll choose healthy foods again. When my ankle heals I’ll go back to dynamic execrsices and when I get a new job I’ll begin going to barre classes because they’re my fave. 

Most importantly, I recently realized that I had been so wrong. I thought because I’d tried starving my body or tried throwing up everything that wasn't healthy for me, but that didn’t help me to lose weight so I thought I’d lost that battle. I tried to exercise everyday and often I’d push till I couldnt go on, but I didn't see any progress so that didn't work for me and I’d lost that battle too. For reference, the first time I did Ideal Protein I went from 260lbs - 180lbs and even though my jeans were smaller I couldn't see a difference in my reflection....so body dysmorphia was at play. I lost the battle when I tried to be healthy so I’d binge and binge and go months without any form of exercise. And it didn't matter. Because when I was losing weight (minus this last time), or when I was eating chocolate and pizza in the dark, I hated myself. I hated that I had to wear clothes that were “flattering” (I word I despise because in my moms world thats a compliment) instead of clothes that were trendy. And every time I’d see my reflection or a picture of me I’d feel like I’d lost or failed. But I was wrong. But I was wrong in thinking I was the loser in this war.  Because I controlled the shots and my body was the one that had to adapt to the restriction or the overload. It was the one that shrunk and grew in response to my actions that were all done out of anger, frustration, and hate so even when my body was getting exercise or nourishment it was always starved of love. 

So this decade. And those that come after it. It will be loved. There’s no wagons to fall off of or tracks to get back on. They’re all phases. Like seasons of the year or phases of the moon, some are darker than others but all are necessary for life and all have their good and bad characteristics. I love that I sometimes  allow myself to indulge (such as my current choices). But I also love that I choose to supply nourishment and movement to my body. I love myself enough to supply my vessel with nourishment. Now I move my body in ways that feel good i.e. low impact(yoga, barre, walks with my dog). And I also recognize that sometimes its better that I don’t move at all. Such as, it’s better to take 1-2 days of nothing but Netflix and delivery in order to recharge then to push through stress and exhaustion and struggle through before I eventually burn out, where I spend 2-3 WEEKS watching Netflix and getting delivery but hating myself while doing so and feeling like a failure. 

I’m so sorry to my that it went so long without love and validation. I promise to fill the rest of them with compassion and fun and understanding. Here’s to end of 2019 and good start to 2020; the end of a decade, but the start of an age (yes that’s a TSwift lyric) 

Love Me <3 

[bike42]

IAT 5/20 thru 5/24/2021

So excited to be back on the trail - seems likes it’d been a long time since we’d been up north, and finally we are into full spring.

Earlier in the week, we got the sad news in that Lynn’s father passed away, so she and Kent had to cancel.  George Sanchez, BrightStar owner from Austin who is joining us in Tanzania, had already made plans to travel to Wisconsin to hike with us, so we decided to go ahead with the trip, and several of us have offered to Lynn that we’ll travel back up there in June to repeat those segments with her. Gary, Dan and Tam had met George in October of 2019 when he was in Wisconsin for the BrightStar owner’s conference, but Lynn and Kent still haven’t met him.

George flew into Madison Wednesday evening. Jeff and I picked him up, had an easy dinner at home and probably too much wine and bourbon since we had an early departure Thursday morning!

As we were approaching Antigo Thursday morning, Gary sent a text saying the meeting spot didn’t have a clear spot for parking, so he drove around and found the Town of Rolling Town Hall building with a large parking lot. The Knickmeier’s joined us there, and we shuttled to the Town of Polar to start our trek for the day.  The weather forecast called for good chance of rain the next 4 days, so we were prepared with rain gear, and had to stop to don our poncho’s after just about 3 blocks!

Much of the next 12-15 days of walking will be on CR’s (connecting routes) with just a few segments (trail) here and there. We can walk faster on the roads, and when they’re quiet county roads, its also easier to carry on a conversation – so they’re not all bad.  Once again, I was grateful for our group decision to hike the whole trail in consecutive sections – otherwise it’d be tempting to cherry pick the nice trail segments and procrastinate on completing the CR’s.

I like to walk the CR’s in my “trail runners,” and I use a fanny pack with water bottle holders.  It also has space for snacks and rain gear.  Today, I’d strapped on an umbrella, and that along with a light poncho worked great.  The rain came and went – generally, if you took your poncho off, it’d come back!

At one point, Dan and Tam and I were walking three-abreast.  I was on the left side, and to my left, I heard a deer crashing through the trees.  To our dismay, she bolted onto the slippery asphalt right in front of us.  Her hooves were slipping and she fell hard, onto her side – and then slid across the rest of the road.  When she reached the right-side shoulder, she righted herself, stood, and bolted back into the woods.  Other than gasps, we were all speechless.  We walked to where she fell as there was a white swath left on the pavement – it was hair!  Besides that, her hooves had made grooves in the asphalt.  What a shock, but we were so relieved that she was able to get up and run off into the woods – no doubt, with some severe road-rash!

The rest of the trek was uneventful – quiet roads, some farms, mostly wooded areas.  Our plan was to take a break and drive back to the Dixie Diner in downtown Antigo for lunch.  Our original plan was ten miles, but we’d covered thirteen to our new parking spot.

As the Dixie Diner, we were greeted by the young waitress that said she remembered us from last month – not sure if that’s good or bad!  It was fun seeing the menu through George’s eyes – but there we a lot of questions that we couldn’t answer.  We’re not completely sure our waitress correctly answered the questions, but she got points for enthusiasm!  She described “broasted chicken” as “like deep fried pressure cooker – like Kentucky Fried Chicken but better.”  The oddest thing was a “Hot Hamburger,” which was white bread with a cooked hamburger patty, mashed potatoes on top of that, and gravy over everything.  George also wanted cheese curds, and most of us had regular cheeseburgers or BLT’s.  Food was so so, but it was great to have a break from walking the road, and as usual, we had lots of laughs.

After lunch, we picked up the Knickmeier’s car, then dropped it at the end of our route.  We walked an additional 3 miles, of course with the rain coming just about as soon as we’d set out!  Then a quick drive to the Dells of Eau Claire county park where I’d reserved a campsite for the next three nights. We knew it was going to be a rustic site (no showers, and vault toilets), but we were surprised to hear they still had the water turned off “due to COVID.”

Dan and Tam made dinner while we set up camp. Jeff and I took our Big Agnes two-person and gave the three-person to Gary and George (although before night fall, Gary decided he was going to hotel it in Antigo, as Dan and Tam had already planned that.  It was a yummy dinner, and great together time anyway.  Jeff and I had this blue sofa-thing that we’d gotten as a reward from MS fundraising.  We had a lot of laughs watching Gary try to fill it with air.

Dan and George had started a fire, and we had a beautiful evening with no bugs.  Only issue was I’d forgotten the chocolate for the S’mores!

Before the hotellers lefts, we scrounged all the water everyone had from their bottles and gave them the empties to fill at the hotel – needed enough water to make coffee and breakfast!

Just before dark, I saw a black cat walking down the road. As he/she approached, we could hear her meowing. I went out to see if she would approach me, and she was very friendly - rubbing against my legs. She followed me back to our site, and stayed with us about 20 minutes - jumping onto our laps and also onto our picnic table - sampling the left-over cheese curds and macaroons! Then she moved on. Jeff checked with the other campers to see if she belonged to them - they said no, but she’d visited them too. She seemed well groomed and healthy, not like a feral cat, but comfortable in her surroundings!

We retired to the tents about 9:30p, it was mostly quiet, save a hot rod truck now and then zooming down the nearby highway.

Overnight there was rain, mostly light, but some heavy. We stayed dry and snuggly in our two-person tent.

I awoke just before my 6am alarm, and dressed for the day, donned my raincoat and left the tent. It was a beautiful peaceful morning, with no one else up and about from the 4-5 campsites that were occupied.

Due to our limited water supply, first priority was a French press of coffee - then we used a little water for instant oatmeal (mixed with yogurt and homemade granola). Just a little water left over to do the dishes, and Tam brought water for our bottles and camelbacks for today’s hike.

We set out in two cars; really nice that the car shuttles are easy this section of our trek! We walked a quick 4 miles of CR before entering the Plover River segment. Of course, we got about a quarter of a mile and the rain started. We quickly donned our ponchos, yet the rain remained light.

Shortly after starting the segment, most people stashed their rain gear. The canopy of the trees was thick enough, and we got a few drops, but not much to worry about, and the day was heating up.

The segment had varied terrain - hills, beautiful large granite erratics, swamps, boardwalks, areas that had been logged. I’d thought the spring wildflowers along the road were amazing, but in the forest, it was truly magical.  I found myself dropping back to just get lost in the beauty of the day:  flowers, a cacophony of birdsong, and a comfortable warm day.

We crossed the Plover River a few times, once with a rock-hop, and I know I wasn’t the only one in the group that wished it had been more challenging!!  Towards the end, we walked across really cool boardwalks, twisting around the trees. We lingered to look at the swamp a bit, but it was just starting to get buggy so we kept moving.

After the segment, we drove back to camp and ate lunch, which gave us the energy to push on to do the easy 3-mile CR and Dells of Eau Claire River segment.  Its always fun to be camping on the actual route!

The Dells of Eau Claire was beautiful, but on a gorgeous Friday late afternoon, it was overrun with people!  Few were walking on the Ice Age Trail, but there were dozens gathered along the river – some fishing, most just messing around in the water.   Many of the rock formations reminded us of Devil’s Lake – but the beauty was accompanied by the awesome sound of the water rushing over the rocks.  We lingered along the river, then a footbridge brought us to the other side, where we picked up the pace as fast as we could over rocks and roots.  That side of the river reminded us a lot of the Grandfather Falls segment along the Wisconsin river.

Back to camp for dinner – Jeff and I had made the fixings for a burrito bar, so there was time to have a beer and snacks and unwind before dinner.  After two long days, Jeff and George decided to head down to the “beach” above the dam and bathe in the Eau Claire River – they came back refreshed.  Tam took a shot at inflating the “air sofa,” and the video Gary took was hysterical as the smoke from the fire gave it a mystical effect. We had a great dinner and lots of laughs. We got a text from Lynn letting us know that she and Kent were going to join us for the next two days – great news!!

The hotel gang left, and Jeff, George and I enjoyed some time around the fire – turned into a gorgeous evening.  Friday night, and the campground filled up, but nothing too rowdy.

Saturday morning, we had a little more time since we were meeting Lynn and Kent at 9AM at the start of the Thornapple Creek Segment. We had a plan to make eggs and pan bread for breakfast, but there was an issue with the stove (gas leak in a valve?) and we were lucky just to heat a little water for oatmeal and coffee.  When the hotellers arrived, Dan and Jeff borrowed some tools from the neighbor and took the stove apart, but it’ll still need some work. �� We shuttled two cars to Hatley, and drove back to meet Lynn and Kent.  Hugs all around – so great to have the gang all together.

Kent is doing well mending his shoulder, but still playing it safe skipping the segment treks – he’ll join us tomorrow on the CR. We had 0.8 mi of road and we started out fast.  When we turned to walk an easement along a farm field, I stopped to put on my low gaiters – good thing because we were soon slogging through a swamp.  The swamp had 18” high grass, and soon we were picking ticks off our legs – ugh.  We always joke that Dan is a “tick magnet,” but George gave him a run for his money today! We probably had about a mile of the ickyness, but soon we were out to logging roads and farm fields and it was better.

Being Saturday, we encountered 5 people – that’s a lot for the northern sections of the IAT.  We stopped to chat with two folks for a bit – a women from the Twin Cities and her brother from Sheboygan.  It was their first day of hiking the IAT, but they were excited to hear our tales and are going to try to do the whole thing too.  

We moved seamlessly to the Ringle Segment, and were disappointed in no segment signs on either of todays sections.  We encountered some boy scouts that were doing trail maintenance – fun to chat with them a bit and thank them for their work. The Ringle Segment was well maintained, with sections of thick woods with eskers, and also sections that went close to homes and farms.  We went past a house where a guy named Tim was on his riding lawn mower.  He stopped to entertain us for a bit with stories and jokes.

Eventually, the sound of the birds was replaced by the sound of heavy machinery.  At first, I thought we were hearing Highway 29, but it was actually the sound of equipment at a landfill.  The trail skirted the edge of it, and as we got downwind, the smell was awful.  From there, we turned onto the Mountain-Bay State Trail and walked that to Hatley.  The day was sunny and warm – well above 80, and the trail was in the sun. By the time we got to Hatley, we were parched.  We got into the cars and went in search of cold beer – which we found around the corner at the “Barrell Inn,” along with some local color.  We had a beer, and Jeff and George bought a six pack to go and we headed back to camp with a plan to meet the gang for pizza in Antigo that evening.

I joined Jeff and George for a river-bath – it was cold, but refreshing and felt good on my feet and sore muscles – three days with long miles so far!  We had a beer at our camp, then drove to meet the others at BB Jacks in Antigo (recommendation from the bar earlier).  We had fried appetizers, salads, and too much pizza.  None-the-less, we followed it with a DQ stop anyway.  Lots of laughs.  On the drive back to the campground, we checked out an auto museum as well as a yard with some really bizarre sculptures.  Both were attractions that we’d buzzed by a few times already, but this time I was driving!

Back to camp, I opened a bottle of wine and we had S’mores with dark chocolate – yum.  We stayed up around the fire for a bit, yet its no wonder that I had trouble falling asleep when I did go to the tent (beer, pizza, ice cream and s’mores!!!).

Sunday morning, we had a plan to meet the gang at 8am for a few hours of road walk.  We got up early, packed up the tent.  Jeff was getting the stove ready and I found that the French press had broken in its box into many little pieces of glass.  I grabbed my phone and found a café 10 miles away – so we woke George up, packed up quickly and headed to Trucks Place in Birnamwood where we found a friendly waitress and great food.  

Perfect timing – we all arrived at our meeting place at the same time.  Quick shuttle back to Hatley and we were trekking along County Highway Y – which will be a CR that we’ll have to complete next time, but we knocked 5 miles off today.

Dan and Tam, and Lynn and Kent were going to drive back to what we’d hiked on Thursday so catch them up a bit, we headed back towards Madison to get George to the airport.  Along the way, he actually found he could switch to an earlier flight which would get him home at a decent hour.

During these few days, I reflected on how awesome it’s been to experience the northern IAT for all 4 seasons now.  I don’t have a favorite – there are things I like and don’t like about each of them, but what I like best I guess is the variety.

It was neat to share with George and find that I do have a pretty good knowledge of many plants and the forests in general. I can recognize an old native forest, and can easily see when one has been logged and replanted.  I’m sad when I see invasive species introduced to pristine forests, but I know how easily it can happen.  I’m not so great at the geological terms that go with the glacial landscapes, but I’ve learned a few things (eskers, erratics, kettles, moraines). As we walked along the edge of quite a few farms, we saw great examples of fields with rocks – some that look like they’re being “farmed” for landscaping boulders.  Farming in northern WI is tough – not just due to the shorter growing season, but wow what a lot of rocks!

We had a great variety of IAT experiences for George over these 4 days, everything but a beaver dam crossing and hiking in the dark!  It feels like an accomplishment to be getting closer to home.  We have five days planned in June, and after that we should be able to make day trips.

[wilson3560]

Blue Blood

Fresh off work wondering what meal my family and I will share tonite, my mouth drooling as I can taste the possibilities while sitting at the red light. Few more blocks to go till I see my kids faces in the window, smiling from ear to ear racing out the door yelling “mommy daddy’s here”.

My phone buzzes and Siri reads me a text message from my wife, “ hey love dinners almost done its raining bad be careful on your way home tonite” I crack a smile and think to myself “how’d I get so lucky” without knowing my luck is just about to run out and my family will be left with questions and doubt.

I hear sirens and I look to see where they’re coming from and whole time they coming behind me, I move over to let them pass by me not knowing that I was their intended target you see. I get my license and registration ready to show so this encounter can be quick and I can just go, I’ve done nothing wrong yet my heart rate is thru the roof and my anxiety is sky high, I pray to God this isn’t the way I die

An officer comes to my window with one hand on his hip, and I see that he is holding on to his gun with a tight grip. “Good evening officer what seems to be the problem” I ask in the most respectful way I can all while keeping my eye on the gun he’s gripping in his hand. “ Step out the car sir” he demands with no validation as to why I was stopped, “ until I know why I’m being pulled officer I’d rather not”.

Angrily he tries to yank me out of the car while his partner opens the door, they slam me on the pavement like it was a soft carpeted floor. “What did I do, why are you doing this to me” I ask while trying to roll over and see then I felt the weight of a knee, it became harder to breathe.

I continue to ask why, I explain I got a wife and 3 kids waiting for me to make it home every nite and that's when they made my soul take flight. Two loud bangs and my body is overwhelmed with pain, I’ve been shot laying face down handcuffed in the rain with my wife and kids as the last things on my brain.

Coughing up blood, but it's not red it's blue. Blue because the bullets fired into me came from a man in blue, ya know the ones meant to serve and protect you.

Then they get off without even a tap, feeding their egos to think that it’s okay to change “protect and serve” to “target and attack”. My wife and kids lives have been disrupted as they have to bury me, yet my murderers are given excuses and walk free.

NO JUSTICE NO PEACE!

- Keke Monae

[nicosroom]

New year, same pandemic

Hello, 2021! It’s been a while, Tumblr. 

Given 2020, it seems strange to set goals for the new year ahead. Yet, here we are...

This is a work in progress organized by categories for now; I’m not sure yet if I can muster a 21 for 2021 or a 52 list as I’ve done in years past.

Fitness:

Nine months of stay at home have forced us all to get creative, it seems. I started strong with this in March, when a friend invited a group to do Yoga with Adriene’s 30 Days of Yoga series, aptly called “Home” (having released it in January, I guess Adriene couldn’t have known). I was a bit nervous. The last time I’d done Adriene’s 30 Days of Yoga (January 2016), I injured my wrist and it took about 8 weeks to heal/recover; then, for me, about a year to get back on the yoga mat; and when I did, I would only go to professionally guided classes. So this March, I started slow with an every-other-day routine. l had some trouble forming a habit, though, especially on the weekends, so I shifted to a Monday through Friday commitment; this, I found much more compelling because soon enough, the yoga sessions marked the end of my (at home) workday and the start of my evening “me time.” This yoga habit is one of the better “silver linings” that I exit 2020 with.

Other fitness activities have been hit or miss all quarantine long. I’ve had a fairly strong habit of 20-30 minute daily walks and when I was still in Colorado, I tried to get on the hiking trails each week. Still, I had to lower my daily step goals from 10,000 of the past many years of using fitness trackers, to the far more realistic 5,000. With the gym closed, living in a studio apartment, walking was all I could really manage; and being the stress chef that I am, from March through June (like many), I saw the scale going up ever so slowly. When I got to Ohio, where I’ve tried teaching remotely while living with my parents, I had much more luck thanks to the wide open spaces of their farmland, an enthusiastic walking buddy in their 10-year-old Pomeranian, and both an elliptical (mom’s never realized New Year’s resolution in 2017) and a treadmill (perhaps from the early 1990s). Yet, living with my parents has seemed to wreck my diet, both because they’re such meat eaters, my stress eating (provoked by Zoom university and them), and all the fall/winter holiday foods I can’t resist). While I haven’t been gaining as I was earlier this year, my weight has hovered at 140, about 10 more than I want.

Now, I’m packing up once more and heading to a new state and my own apartment once again. I’m excited to take control of my own grocery shopping, food prep, and space again, but I’m nervous about saying goodbye to the cardio machines and the wide open spaces. It seems, just in time, a friend has introduced me to Cassey Ho’s Blogilates channel and monthly workout calendar, a trove of at home cardio and Pilates  videos that are apartment friendly and largely equipment-free. I started incorporating these into my routine in early December and enter the new year four weeks ahead of the curve on habit-formation. So, here are some fitness goals for 2021:

Daily, 10-min wake up & stretch video 

January 4-25, I’m tackling the Blogilates #21DayTone

After that, my workout routine will be: 

Monday thru Friday, Yoga with Adriene video

Monday thru Friday, Blogilates video(es)

By Dec. 25, 2021, I want to be able to do the splits

Buy a new yoga mat: I’ve had the same one since college (12+ years!), so it’s past due, and I feel really compelled by the product placement in Adriene and Cassey’s videos. And Target just started carrying Blogilates products. But, given how much I now am using my mat these days, it feels like an investment rather than a once-in-while accessory. And actually, I might buy two. Are there recommended folding mats for that are easy to pack when traveling? I’m traveling by car most often now, so it isn’t the worst to bring mine rolled, but when we can resume plane travel...

Work/Productivity:

My research has seriously suffered during the pandemic. There are a lot of explanations: grief and depression and a daily onslaught of bad news; my contingent status in the academy and the overall trash fire of the profession’s unpredictable financial future; and being completely unsettled in my home life while working from home. I’ll feel a lot better if I can produce some writing that I like, so after I get settled in the new place, I have some goals...

First, I’ve arranged to do a book review, which is due February 1, which I hope will be the gateway to feeling like I accomplished something.

Then, I’m aiming to draft this article I’ve been wallowing with for most of 2020. My “deadline” is June 30, which I hope is both generous and realistic, given that the new semester promises more of the same at global Zoom university.

To help me achieve these goals, I’m re-instating one of my dissertation writing techniques, which is a minimum of 40 minutes of timed writing per (non-teaching) day. Many days, those 40-minute writing intervals got repeated 4-5 times; but there are just some days where 40 minutes is all I have, whether its for scheduling reasons or for bandwidth or because it’s the weekend.

Sleeping & waking:

A constant, it seems, is to work on sleep and waking habits. Actually, my sleep habits have improved drastically over the past several years. During the pandemic, I’ve maybe even been sleeping more than ever. And as such, it’s my waking habits that have suffered, given the drastic disruption of routines and the total collapse of any separation between living space and workspace. I’m used to waking up about two hours before I need to be somewhere or do something; I take long showers and like to linger over breakfast. For months now, I find myself lingering in bed for 45 minutes to an hour after my initial alarms, not usually dozing off and repeatedly snoozing them even, but browsing social media (despite there being few updates since the previous night). Subsequently, I feel rushed as I shower, dress, and take in breakfast, hoping that I’ll hit my “home office” space by 9am.

In 2021, I’m striving to…

spend 20 minutes of non-screen activity immediately before bed, whether reading, drawing, coloring, etc.

live by a one snooze limit and get out of bed within 10 minutes of the alarm

also meaning, no social media browsing in bed in the mornings

(as noted above) start each day with a 10-minute stretch routine (even the weekends)

get back to hearty breakfasts… in my rush, I’m reaching for yogurts and various packaged breakfast biscuits or cereals. When I plan ahead and actually prep overnight oatmeal or organize some kind of breakfast bowls, where I only have to add an egg or an avocado in the mornings, I feel much better and my morning work flows more smoothly.

Spending:

Four months living with my parents rent free (down from nearly $1200 a month I was spending on rent), I expected to pad my savings accounts with quite a bit of money in the fall semester, even as I was on a part time salary. But alas, I seem to have not… Like a lot of people, retail therapy has been a favorite way to cope with the pandemic… candles, new boots, a two year supply of Korean facemasks, yet another set of Pyrex, books and more books. I purchased a few things I’ve been putting off for years, including a new laptop (mine was 10 years old) and a proper desk chair (which I’ve never had). In October, I was advised to get new tires before the winter set in ($494). And, my marketplace health insurance plan (including vision and dental), $244 per month… It added up fast.

In the new year, I’ll be on full time salary and have employer benefits, lowering my out of pocket costs on insurance. And although living on my own means my living expenses will surely rise (rent, utilities, grocery, and house supplies), I hope to calm down my discretionary spending once I get the new apartment set up––admittedly, there are some furniture purchases I want to make first (a real couch, a couple bookshelves, a baker’s rack for the kitchen).

Eating/ Recipes:

2020 was such a wreck for my eating habits, even before the pandemic as I navigated my interview schedule, travel, and stress during the tenure-track job market;  and the college’s block schedule (ironically, I was teaching food literature, yet I barely had time to cook or feed myself fresh foods). Then came the pandemic, where I had all the time to cook for myself… and cooking and eating seemed to be the only thing to do. So, I occupied myself planning complicated recipes, brainstorming how to use up any out-of-the-usual ingredients I would need for them. And I also noticed myself picking up new, not healthy habits, like buying non-dairy ice creams on my bi-weekly, masked up and high stress grocery forays. And on top of that, I felt compelled to support local businesses with huge takeout orders that might last me two or three days.

Spring faded into summer, summer into fall and I was settling in for the long haul at my parents’ house. They’re eating habits are generally pretty healthy (my mom has a degree in nutrition after all), but they are also truly midwestern “meal = meat” types. Probably as part of my grad school budgeting, I’ve long adapted to eating meat sparingly, preparing it at home just a few times a month or, more typically, getting it at restaurants while eating mainly vegetarian at home. I also found in my mom’s house that it is stocked with sweets and snacks like it never was when I was a kid––potato chips, cookies, chocolates, sugary drinks. Alone, I manage my inability to resist by simply not buying many of these things, but here they were all the time.

Moving into my apartment this January, it very much feels like I’m setting myself up for success in 2021, as I take control of my grocery trips once more, re-establish my meal prep habits, and dial down meat consumption/dial up veggies.

Here are some recipes I’m excited to try this year:

Oat and banana based breakfast muffins

Crock pot butter chicken

Various waffles (I got a mini waffle maker!), especially scallion waffles; leftover Thanksgiving stuffing waffles; hash brown waffles; and zucchini fritters (I tried to make these on the frying pan last year, but I think I’ll get a better crisp in the waffle maker)

Sweet potato biscuits (for a breakfast sandwich)

Various soups, including Chicken & Hominy Stew with Greens

Hasselback Potato with Cilantro-Peanut Dressing

Cookies: coffee (winter/Christmas), pumpkin (fall)

Read/Watch:

Finish The Bluest Eye (Morrison) - I’ve been stalled on p. 130 since July 2020. Help.

Laura Kang, Traffic in Asian Women

Charles Yu, Interior Chinatown

Tommy Orange, There There

The Lunchbox

History and Memory

Minari

Taxi Driver

90 Day Fiancée (for research)

[pikapegasus]

Starmora prompt: “Please come back to bed.”

“Please come back to bed.”

tho i said i’m gonna slow down a bit on getting these fics out, i’m still taking prompts!! and fortunately, the idea for this one managed to break thru the wall of writer’s block :’)

send me a ship + a prompt about your ship sharing a bed!!

Peter turns over in the bed with his arm out, expecting to wrapit around Gamora and curl in closer to her. However, his arm simply meets anempty space and falls against the mattress. He opens his eyes, finding himselfalone in the room.

Maybe she’d gone to the bathroom or something? She doesn’tusually get up in the middle of the night—not as much as he does, at least—so it’sa little odd. He sits up, rubbing his eyes and glancing around when a clatter from outside his room reacheshis ears.

Curious, he kicks the covers off of his legs and pusheshimself up from the bed, then tiredly walks to the door and out of his room.Another clatter happens, in thedirection of the kitchen, so he makes his way there.

He stops in the doorway when he sees Gamora facing away fromhim, looking up at the cabinets.

“Gamora? Please come back to bed, I’m lonely and need your body warmth,” he mumbles teasingly. He yawnsloudly and considers why she’s in the kitchen of all places. “Or…are you hungry? I can make you somethin’.”

She’s not exactly the, uh, most talented chef on-board, andhe’d rather not have to deal with akitchen fire in the middle of the night.

“Shh.” She hardly spares him a glance before refocusing herattention on the various cabinets on the wall.

They stand in silence for several moments before he puts twoand two together, realizing she’s trying to hear something coming from thecabinets. He closes the distance between them, coming to stand beside her andlooking up with her.

“Um…what are we listening for?” he whispers, glancing ather.

“Groot,” she whispers back. “He got scared and climbed upinto the cabinets to hide.”

Um. Okay. Perfectly normal, yeah. Sure.

“Why did he—“

Peter’s cut off by a small whimper, and he’d be lying if hesaid even just the idea of an upset,frightened Groot didn’t pull at hisheartstrings. He frowns, looking at Gamora.

“I think he’s on one of the top shelves,” he whispers.

“I think so, too.”

“Have you tried talking to him?”

“Of course. But he doesn’t want to come down.”

“Let me try.” He clears his throat then, raising his voiceslightly. “Groot? Hey, buddy, it’s okay, you can come out. We’re not going tohurt you.”

He steps closer to the cabinets as Groot replies with ateary, “I am Groot.”

“You’re safe here. You don’t have to hide from us. We justwant to help you.”

Peter carefully reaches up to the cabinet Groot’s voice iscoming from and opens it, revealing Groot sitting in a stack of bowls,wide-eyed. “I am Groot!”

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m gonna bring you down now,” Peter grabsthe bowls containing Groot, bringing them down to the counter. “What happened? Youreally freaked out Gamora.”

Groot looks between Peter and Gamora with a wobbly frownbefore latching onto Peter’s hand and pointing to Gamora. “I am Groot.”

“What? You had a bad dream about Gamora?” Peter echoes. Heraises Groot up so he can look at him more closely in the low lighting, then turns back toward Gamora, who appears just as confused as Peter feels. “Gamora’s right there, see? She’sworried about you.”

She nods, taking a step closer, but Groot shakes his head,looking up at Peter. “I am Groot.”

“You had a dream where she—oh. You remembered how we all fought when we first met.”

Groot nods then, quietly looking down at his feet as he crosseshis little arms against his chest, holding them closely.

…Yeah, as lighthearted and whatever of a fight that may have been at the time, Peter can see how that’d be pretty traumatizing to a kid.

Especially a kid who’d gotten his arms cut off, even if he’d been an adult at the time and managed to regrow them pretty quickly.

“Oh, Groot,” Gamora says, her tone gentle, “I’m so sorryabout that. You know I’d never hurt you again, right?”

When Groot doesn’t respond, Peter adds, “It was all just a misunderstanding. You and Gamora didn’t know each other really well yet, so youwere both just trying to protect yourselves.”

Groot shrugs. Peter sighs.

“I’m sorry,” Gamora repeats, averting her eyes. “I’ll justgo—“

“No, wait, Gamora.” Peter grabs her hand as she turns toleave. “We should figure this out.”

“Peter…”

“We got this,” he says. “We can do this.”

“It’s fine,” she says, subdued. “Groot’s allowed to be scared.”

Of me, are the two words to finish that statement that she’d purposefully left unspoken. He looks down at Groot. “He has no reason to be. It’s just you, and, honestly, you’re not that scary.”

She gives him a look.

“Well, not as much before,” he amends, shaking his head. “Whatever. The point is Groot can trust you. We all know you’d never hurt him.”

Groot looks between them then, frowning. “I am Groot.”

The poor thing’s worried about hurting Gamora’s feelings,despite being afraid of her hurting him.

Peter smiles at that, holding him up to Gamora. “Okay, then let’s try again.”

She hesitates for a moment, as if considering her words.

“Groot,” she begins again, looking directly at him, “Ipromise you, I’m never going to hurtyou again. Things were much different back then from how they are now. I knowyou would never try to hurt me again,so can you trust me when I swear I’ll never try to hurt you?”

Groot ponders over her words for a few moments before nodding.“I am Groot.”

She smiles. “Thank you.”

“I am Groot.”

“I love you, too,” she says, carefully taking him from Peter’shand so they can hug (well, as close to hugging as they can get with Grootbeing so tiny, which usually just involves holding Groot against their chestsas he spreads his arms out). “I’m also sorry I scared you when you woke up.”

“Aww, yay, family resolution,” Peter says, hugging both ofthem. He can’t stop the yawn that spills from his mouth, though, and looks at them tiredly. “Now can we pleasego back to bed? I’m beat.”

“I am Groot?”

“Yes, you can stay with us,” she answers with a small smile,gently running the back of her finger down Groot’s cheek. “You’re alwayswelcome.”

When they’re all back in bed, Groot curled up on the pillowbetween them, exchanging “good night”s and “I love you”s, Peter smiles tohimself as he closes his eyes.

He and Gamora are actually doing a pretty kickass job atthis whole “parenting” thing, in his opinion.

come send me a ship + a prompt about your ship sharing a bed!!

[anoutlandishfanfic]

Sound of Music AU: Adventures in Play Clothes

Huzzah! More Sound of Music! You can previous installments here.

It was absolutely beautiful summer day and I made the executive decision to cancel all indoor activities the children had. We packed a picnic lunch and all eight of us tramped around the grounds of Lallybroch until it grew quite late.

Sitting with my back against the stone wall of an old building, I basked in the sun like a lizard. The structure was a mill at one point, the children told me, but was long since retired. It had a small pond that was fed by a stream with giant trees shading it.

“Mistress Claire?” Jenny’s sleepy voice came from the grass beside me.

“Mmhmm?”

“Can we do this every day?” She turned her head to the side to face me, one eye cracking open as she grinned.

I laughed. “Don’t you think it’d get old after awhile?”

Sighing, she contemplated the idea, then suggested, “Every other day?”

A cheer rose up from Brian in the tree beside me. Willie had reached the highest, reliable branch in his tree and that apparently made his younger brother the winner by default. Little Maggie boasted not one, but two flower crowns and Jenny had plaited everyone’s hair with remarkable skill. Ellen had devoured an entire book this afternoon and had a good start on a second. Joan had a remarkable bouquet going, of which I was proud guardian while she found other blooms to add to it. Marsali taken roost beside me and pulled out her sketchbook to capture the intricacies of each bloom.

I wondered at the last time they were able to have fun and be children. How long ago had it been? Not laughed at a practical joke done to a caregiver or staff, but truly had fun. My heart ached to think that it had been months, if not years.

They were such wonderful children. So inquisitive and adventurous when given the opportunity to do as they please. I had watched the older children help the younger ones on numerous occasions just this morning alone. How could they play such awful tricks on people when I knew they had such kind hearts?

“What are you thinking about?” Marsali asked.

I chuckled to myself. You know your face is an open book, Beauchamp.

“I was just wondering why you play practical jokes on your nannies.”

Ellen lowered her book and raised her eyebrows, “How else would we get Father’s attention?”

Ah, yes. The age old “negative attention is better than no attention at all.” I suppose I would have done the same in their shoes. Brushing off the notion, I set the posy of wildflowers beside Marsali and picked up my guitar.

“What are we going to do now?” Brian eagerly inquired as he wandered over, having descended from adventure in the skies.

“We’re going to figure out a song for you to sing for Lady Geneva when she comes.” Had I not looked up from my instrument to answer him, I would have missed the almost telepathic messages of panic passed between the children. All of them looked completely petrified at the notion.

Jenny was the first to speak, “We don’t know how to sing, Mistress Claire.”

“Of course you do!” I waved them off, thinking them merely humble. “Everyone knows how to sing.”

“Except us.” Willie commented dryly.

I stared at them, turning from one face to the next. “You really don’t know how to sing?”

Maggie had plopped down in front of me and shook her head sadly. “No, Mistress Claire.”

I smiled down at her, knowing with all my heart that I was were I was supposed to me. “Well, then. I’ll just have to teach you.”

…

The sun was beginning to set as we made our way back to the house. Our shadows were long and distorted, causing no small amount of laughter. We were worn out and more than slightly muddy. I pulled a piece of clover from the shoulder of Joan’s blouse and wondered absently if the rest of them sported the layer of debris that she did. She had by far been the tamest of the pack, but even Joan was dirty from head to toe.

Sounds of crunching gravel and a motor signaled a car coming up behind us. Without needing instruction, the children immediately moved to the side of the road and turned to look at the approaching vehicle.

Jenny commented as it came into sight, “I think that’s Father.”

“No, it isn’t,” Brian argued. “He won’t be back for days.”

“But doesn’t it look like Old Alec is driving?” Willie asked of his siblings at large. They each had an opinion, but all waved just in case it was indeed their father as the vehicle passed. The windows were darkly tinted, obscuring our view. This only lead to more speculation as we continued our walk.

…

“It was Father!” Marsali shouted as we entered the dooryard.

The children surrounded him en mass with choruses of welcome and delight.

Grinning, I turned to the slender brunette standing beside the car. “You must be Lady Dunsany. I’m Claire Beauchamp, the nanny.”

Her gray eyes were filled with humor as she greeted me with formal civility. I had the impression it was all she could do not to laugh outright and wondered what she thought of Captain Fraser’s noisy brood. What he himself thought of them was evident as he blew a sharp, shrill blast on his whistle.

Their reaction was immediate. Spinning on their heels, they turned a complete about face and were in line in seconds. Brian and Marsali were having trouble containing their mirth, but as a whole they were right back to the orderly bunch I had met a few days before… save the mud.

The Captain walked up and down the line, ensuring order was at hand before speaking. “Children, this is Lady Dunsany...” He turned away from them with a pained expression and faced us. “...and these are my children.”

Lady Geneva schooled her features, nodding to them with a murmured, “How do you do?”

Captain Fraser snapped back around, dismissing the children with a command to go get cleaned up. I started to move with them, but was forced to stop as I found a fuming Scot standing in my way.

“I think I’d better go see what Ian is up to,” the Lady Geneva commented uneasily as she left us and walked into the house.

Now that we no longer had an audience, the Captain made no effort to hide his displeasure. Anger, was really more like it. “My children have proper clothing, Nurse. I would ask that they wear them.”

“Not for playing in, they don’t.” I retorted, ready for battle. These children were worth fighting for.

“An’ just where did ye find these…”

“Play clothes,” I supplied.

His brows rose, “Is tha’ what ye call them?”

“It is. I made them from the drapes in my room since they didn’t ---”

“Drapes?!” He exploded. “Dinna tell me my children have been wandering about the countryside dressed in drapes!”

I smiled at the remembrance of little Maggie’s laughter as Willie swung her thru the air. “Umhmm, and having a marvelous time.”

“They have uniforms!”

“Straitjackets, if you ask me.” I muttered under my breath.

“I dinna ask ye!”

Well, too bad, because you’re going to hear it anyway.

“They can’t play if they have to worry about spoiling their precious clothes all the ti--”

“I havena heard them complain.” He interrupted, his jaw set firmly.

“They wouldn’t dare!” I exploded. “They love you too much! They’re afraid of you too!”

“I willna allow ye to speak of my children in this manner, Mistress Beauchamp,” the Captain's blue eyes flashed.

“Well, you’ve got to hear it from someone!” I took a step forward, meeting him toe to toe. “You’re never home long enough to get to know them! Take Ellen, for instance. She isn’t a child anymore! One of these days you’re going to wake up and find she’s grown into a woman. You won’t even know her!”

His face was becoming rather red, but I took little heed. He needed to hear this whether he liked it or not. 

“I said, I willna---”

“And what about William? He’s still a boy, but he wants so badly to be a man like you!”

He grabbed hold of my shoulders, his nose inches from mine. “Don’t ye dare speak of my son like--”

“Marsali could tell you about him,” my chin rose in defiance as I all but shouted up at him, “She notices everything! And Jenny, and Brian, and--”

“They are my children an’--”

“I’m not finished yet, Captain!” I shouted.

“Aye, ye are, Captain!” He responded in kind.

I blinked, completely taken aback.

“Nurse Beauchamp, I mean.” He took a step away from me, dropping his hands as he gained control over his voice. “Your services are no longer necess--”

The chorus of the song I had taught the children wafted thru the open window of the parlor. A hesitant chord was strummed as well and the sound sent a shock-wave thru the Captain. He tensed, turning towards it.

When he looked back to me a phrase or two later, his face was completely changed. He stood before me, but it was obvious his mind was far afield. “What is tha’?” He asked.

“It’s singing,” I answered, my heart aching for the children whose voices were entwined in harmony.

“Aye, I ken,” he shook his head, almost as if he was trying to dispel the vapors of the past. “But who?”

“Your children.”

His brows skyrocketed in the same gesture Ellen had used this very afternoon, “My children?”

I didn’t answer, but watched in silence as he slowly moved towards the open door. I followed once he was inside, standing in the shadows of the entry way and marveling at the scene before me.

The Captain stood at the center of the room with his children surrounding him on all sides. Little Maggie was in Willie’s arms and she reached instinctively for her father. My breath caught in my throat as he picked her up and held her close. He patted Joan on the head tenderly as she beamed up at him with her gap-toothed smile. Marsali bent and whispered something in her ear, prompting Joan to move towards Lady Dunsany with a small posy of her wildflowers outstretched in one hand.

“For me?” Lady Geneva smiled warmly at Joan, then looked to her father. “James, you never told me how wonderful your children are!’

James. Captain Fraser had a name after all. It suited him, I thought.

He turned his gaze to the door and I knew he had saw me. Drat. I quickly moved towards the stairs. He had just fired me, after all, and here I stood infringing on their intimate family moment.

“Nurse…” His voice stopped me just as my foot reached the bottom step. He crossed the hallway quickly and continued. “I, ah, shouldna have acted in such a manner towards ye. I apologize.”

I shook my head, “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m far too outspoken for my own good.”

He dropped his eyes as well as his voice, “Ye were right in yer words. I dinna ken my own children.”

“It’s not too late to get to know them, Captain. They desperately want to know you.” I said gently as I made my way up the stairs.

“Wait,” he bounded around the banister and stood a step below me, our eyes meeting as our difference in height vanished. “I want ye to stay.”

My surprise must have shown for he smiled at me rather meekly, adding, “I ask ye to stay, tha’ is.”

“If you really want me to,” I commented, more than a little unsure.

He nodded, “I do, I couldna find a better nanny.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“I am. Ye’ve brought music back into the house, I’d forgotten,” he said in all seriousness, then broke out into a wide smile. “Besides, I dinna think the agency would send me another nanny wi’ my track record.”

[lalast0ne]

Here And Now

Layla

*My lips are pressed together in a tight line as I flick thru the club diary, not taking a single bit of notice of the words written on the pages. Instead I keep my focus trained on my husband who sits at his own desk, mumbling into the phone. He may be trying to keep the conversation level low but I’m not stupid. I know exactly what the conversation is about and who he’s on the phone too, Kingston, which only serves to increases my level of annoyance and frustration. Hushed conversations between these two is something that’s been happening a lot these last few days and it’s driving me crazy. 

Nearly a week has passed since Suzie was found unharmed and returned to the safety of her Mom. That’s nearly a week of knowing a whole other world exists below this town and nearly a week of the same ... discussion .. with my husband. 

I stop flicking pages when I hear the conversation finishing up and sit back in my chair, waiting patiently for my moment to pounce* 

Wilder

*I can feel her eyes on me and the drumming of her fingers on the desktop as I end my conversation with Kingston. We have been planning and planning, tossing out every scenario, vetoing some and finally coming up with a game plan. I set my phone down and slide my eyes across my  desk and hers.....to meet my Little Ball of Fire, well on fire. I’m surprised there is not steam coming out of her ears. I pick up the paper and kick my legs up on my desk, crossing one boot over the other and start to read the news. Fire and ice. I know what she wants and  playing with fire has always been a challenge for me. One I enjoy playing with immensely.*

Layla *I continue to drum my fingers on the desktop right up until the moment you place your phone down and look across to me. Your eyes meet mine for the briefest of moment causing me to raise my eyebrows in silent question but before I can get a work out, you pick up the daily paper, open it and hold it up to block my view of you. My frustration and annoyance just went thru the roof.

Internally I debate with myself. I know I shouldn’t get so wound up because you take a little bit of pleasure in pushing my buttons. Just like I also know your reasons for keeping me away from this .. Underworld .. is, you believe, in my best interest. But I can’t .. no, I refuse .. to accept it. Blacksoul is my home too and a town I’ve come to love so much. If something bad is happening here, I want to know about and as your wife I deserve to be involved with that information. I clear my throat a little to loudly which had you bring down the corner of the paper to meet my gaze* 

Are you going to tell me the plan? Or am I just going to have to gatecrash it instead?

Wilder

*I narrow my eyes when you interrupt my daily catchup of the news and finally toss the paper aside.* Gatecrash what? Don’t think I don’t know you have already been sniffing around town, asking questions and riling me up. Everything I do is to keep you safe. You and Jake. And animals. *I laugh when you cock your eyebrow in that sexy way you think intimidates me.* I could never forget them. *Moving my feet, I come to my full height as I stand, both hands  on the desk and stare you down.* What part of keeping you safe don’t you understand? Because I can tell you again.....slower if needed. Or better yet, *I cross over to your desk before you have a chance to move, my hand coming around your throat and lift you up. Not enough to hurt you but to get your attention* I can show you.

Layla

*I narrow my eyes right back at you, the frustration I’d been fighting to keep in breaks free when you speak and I give an exasperated sigh, my eyebrow cocking* Don’t laugh at me, Wilder. I have to ask questions around town because you’re telling me NOTHING. *I sit forward, my voice become more irate as I continue* I know you want to protect us but, shock horror, I do too. You and Jake are my family! I protect what’s mine, Wilder Steele. I’m coming with you *You sigh and push up from your chair to your full height, your eyes lifting to meet mine as your shoulders square. Your voice is low, menacing a little angry. I know I’ve pushed the subject too far now and I squirm slightly in my chair, remaining mute. My eyes follow your movement as you stalk around to where I sit and I gasp in shock as your hand closes around my throat and I’m manoeuvred to my feet. I don’t flinch, instead I smirk at you as my own hand goes to the front of your pants and I squeeze, just enough to get you to remove your hand* I heard you loud and clear. I understand perfectly .. But when have you ever known me to sit back and go along with the rules you put down. *I eases my grip and stroke my hand up to your chest, patting playfully*

Wilder

Never. Frustrating woman you are. *Growls, letting my grip on your neck loosen, leaning in so we are nose to nose.* But you will listen to me now and follow what I say. I have a person on the inside already. She is feeding Kingston and I information so we know what we are  facing and not walking into a trap. When we, *my eyes lock with yours* go down there, against my better judgment, includes you, I will do the talking. You are to stand there and look sexy, but not too sexy. I don’t want them thinking you are for sale. Trust me, they would  attempt it even with me standing there. Do you think you can follow those simple orders? If not, I will lock your ass somewhere you don’t want to be.

Layla

*You lean in close and I lean in just a little further, the tip of my nose rubbing against yours until your words make me stop.* You have someone on the inside already? *I blink a couple of times, unsure why I seem so shocked. This is you after all. I know exactly how persuasive you can be when you need to be. My hand fists your shirt and I nod slowly when you continue on, ignoring my question. I fight my smile, using my teeth to toy over my bottom lip as you finally concede and accept that I’m coming with you when you go down the The Skids for the first time. My eyes look straight into yours, no secrets, lies or false promises when I nod my head slowly.* See .. that wasn’t so hard was it *My lips press to yours quickly* I‘ll try my best to follow your rules *I cross my finger over my heart* Cross my tiny, ice cold heart.

Wilder

Layla Steele.....*My jaw ticks, watching you with your cute little motion of crossing your finger over your heart.* You will do better than try. You WILL follow my rules. These people are not your average criminals. They live and die by the streets and their own code. I might  not be able to save you if you step one high heeled toe on the wrong side. *Leaning back away from you* And before you ask, no I will not tell you about the girl on the inside. The less you know, the better.

Layla

*I wipe the smirk from my face and nod seriously, my head tilting to the side as I contemplate what you’ve just said. While it’s fun to tease you, this is no game we’re talking about. And while my experience with criminals isn’t exactly limited, I don’t know the type of people that reside down there or what they’re capable of. Gut instinct tells me they won’t care who my father is or what you’re capable of. I straighten up when you pull back* Ok .. I promise I’ll keep in check. *The question forms once again on my lips to ask about your informant but you shut it down instantly. This part I’ll admit defeat on. I have no desire to put anyone’s life in danger; not yours or Kingstons, not mine or Jakes and definitely not the life of a complete stranger. I reach for your hand, my fingers linking with yours* So .. when do we go down there?

Wilder

*I pull you into my chest, wrapping my arms around your waist, our fingers still locked together.* We will go down there in a couple of days. She is still gathering information and I want to give her time so we are prepared. It will be you and I. Kingston is staying here. *Not  voicing that it is for Jake in case anything happens.* Until then, it is business as usual in BlackSoul and the Steele Cage. So clear your mind and lets focus on here and now.

Layla

Ok .. a couple of days it is *I nod once more, a silence hanging in the air for a few moments when you reveal it’ll just be us two venturing into the unknown. I know exactly why Kingston is hanging back, even I’m not that clueless but I don’t verbally acknowledge the reason behind your decision.* My husband gets what my husband wants ... Business as usual it is *With my hands behind my back, fingers linking with yours, I part my lips slightly and lean in toward you.* I’m definitely all about the here and now.

[markgetsetgo]

The Only Exception

Author: ohhhkenneth

Pairing: Markson (GOT7)

Category: Romance

Length: 20 Chapters

Rated: M for smut, cursing

Summary:  Jackson is no stranger to one night stands or hookups. When the sun sets he comes alive; losing himself in the city lights, finding his way into the beds of guys whose names he didn't even bother to get. Relationships are off the table - he's more interested in the pursuit of unending happiness. Cars, clothes, money, sex. Life is easy for a twenty-something gay man in New York, especially when they're as hot as Jackson. What the boy wants, he gets. That is until his favorite coffee shop barista, Neil, is fired. Jackson is thrown for a curve ball when the coffee shop hires Mark Tuan as a replacement for Neil. Mark is a pale and beautiful young man who seems to have everything that Jackson wants, except one thing: he doesn't want Jackson.

Chapter 1

I have to be perfectly honest, I wasn't expecting to have as many potential suitors as I ended up having when I went out to the club on Saturday. I mean, being a young, wealthy, and good looking man - if I do say so myself - works wonders when you live in a large metropolis like New York. Over the year or so that I've been frequenting the bars my "little black book," if you will, has become filled with a dozen or so names of gorgeous and well endowed men that would drop anything if I called them, whether it was 4AM or 4PM, needing a hit. Typically I liked to find myself wrapped up in the sheets with another new body a few times a week. It was almost like a game to me, who could I get next, how long would it take me, that sort of thing.

One of my favorites, if not my absolute favorite, was Joel. He was a little older being 38 and all, but he was the epitome of a great fuck. I had heard stories of the mythical "monster dick" and men whose penises were that of tales and legends, but I hadn't run into one of those prized jewels until Joel. Turns out, they do exist. Unfortunately Joel is married and has three kids, so getting out and away from the family is sometimes tricky. We meet at motels and pretty well anywhere that we can. Sometimes I let him fuck me in his car. When you're horny you become crafty - every surface becomes a perfect place for fucking.

I met Chad online, he was a veteran, back from his tour in Iraq. He and I met on Grindr one evening when I realized that I was too spent and couldn't be bother to go out into the real world to find my night's fun. We exchanged a few contrived messages, "What's up?" "What are you into?" "Where do you live?" etc. After seeing a picture of him, I had to invite him over. I normally wouldn't host, because I don't like the idea of having perfect strangers in my condo where I have artwork that costs upwards of a hundred thousand dollars, but his ass was too great, it was an ass worth breaking a couple rules for.

Chad told me, the first night we met, that he was freshly single and wasn't well versed in bed. I told him it was okay, because I could take the lead, but I was pleasantly surprised that his own self evaluation of being an amateur was completely unfounded. Chad was a maniac.

Within minutes of me opening the front door, I found myself pressed up against the wall and my pants around my ankles. Chad bent me over slightly and buried his face into my ass, eating me out aggressively for what seemed like half an hour. I guess he had been deprived of ass eating for a while, and I was glad to help him out and be his late dinner.

Chad was the one with the perfect ass - even nicer than mine - so I was surprised when he took his saliva coated finger and slipped it into my quivering hole knuckle deep. He began fucking me in my front doorway for fifteen minutes, then lifted me into the living room where he threw me down, flipped me over, and took me for the ride of my life in one of the four positions he had in store for me that night. I guess being in the military really did have its advantages. Chad was incredibly strong, and tossed me around with ease. 

Finally, he finished me off by sticking his perfectly curved cock into my ass and pounded the cum out of me, making it sprout all over my chest. When he finished after me he mouthed a "thank you" and quickly did up his pants. Turns out he hadn't even taken his boots off, and with that he was out the door. I didn't mind that he trekked a little bit of mud in, I'd let him dump dirt all over my house if it meant that he would fuck me like that again. The maid would clean it anyway.

It's true that I have a wide range of men at my beck and call, some are into darker things like BDSM and role playing, some into feet and me stepping on them, still others are into romance and cuddling and "making love." I've been feeling a void inside my chest lately; something I can't quite put my finger on, that's making me anxious. For someone who can have literally anything he wants, why do I get the sense that I'm missing out on something? 

***

Work is something that keeps my mind busy when I'm not cruising or searching for the next hot guy to hit me up. I go into the office almost every day. One thing about me that I take pride in is my time management and conscientiousness; I stick to my schedule and respect my own boundaries and capabilities when it comes to work. My father's business got to where it was with my help, and together we have become incredibly successful. 

The only thing that makes work unattractive at times is the drudgery. It becomes incredibly slow and monotonous at times. Sometimes I find myself playing cheap games on my phone during meetings. That's why I take solace in the small things: the songs on the radio in the morning drive to work, seeing Neil each morning and getting my macchiato, the view from my office when the sun is rising. These are the things that maintain my sanity during the day.

Today was a morning just like every other. I pulled out of the car lot and headed towards Steepz, the coffee shop at the end of my street. They have a drive thru, but I insist on going in to speak with my favorite barista, the hilarious and cheerful Nathaniel.

When I step into the coffee shop, there's a small ding on the door as it closes behind me. There's a lineup of about 30 people, all tapping their feet and looking at their watches for the time. Seems there's a hold up; which is odd, considering Niel is practically a mad genius when it comes to coffee. He'd never let the line get this long.

"What's going on?" I softly ask the older woman in front of me.

"Ugh, they're taking so long. I think they're training a new staff member." she said over her shoulder to me in a very pointed tone.

I was tired too, so I understood her impatience. Coffee was like a drug, and this new staff member was the only thing between these angry addicts and the one thing they desired the most.

I waited and waited in the line, and since I'm my own boss I don't care about how late I am getting into the office, which is why I'm honestly not that upset when I finally get to the counter nearly 20 minutes later. 

The morning gets even weirder as I approach the counter and see that Niel is not working today. Surely he'd be the one training this newbie - he's the best there is. Instead, there's a shy and timid girl showing an even shyer and timid boy his way around the register. His face is down and his visor is hiding his face as he presses and prods at the till's buttons, nodding sternly to himself as the girl explains things to him.

When he lifts his head and greets me, I nearly lose my train of thought. 

"Hi, what would you like this morning?" the boy asks me in a gentle and warm tone.

It takes everything in me not to reply with "You. Right now. In front of everyone here."

I look down at the boy's name tag. Mark.

If I wasn't the most logical and rational thinker that I know, I would've believed anyone when they told me that Mark was an angel sent from the heavens to deliver coffee to me in that very moment. His hair was fluffy, a warm and deep golden color, falling neatly over his forehead. 

His eyes were two perfect slits of black that looked like they held the entire universe in them, and when he looked at me with a questioning gaze, I felt as though he had just looked right into my soul.

"Sir?" he asked. A single word that shattered me inside, arousing me beyond all control. It sounded so innocent, yet charming at the same time. What I wouldn't give to have him under me, begging me to enter him, whispering that same word to me in that same voice.

"I'll have a venti, skinny, caramel macchiato. Sorry." I finally answered when I had regained composure.

Mark nodded and turned his attention to the machine. His eyes went from innocent and loving to determined and focused as he worked away on the register.

"That'll be... $3.49 please." he said, looking back at me. I flashed him my gold American Express card, "Oh, credit. Okay, please insert when you're ready."

Insert when I'm ready? God, this boy. I thought.

"So, you're new. How are you liking it so far?" I said, punching my pin into the pad.

"It's really fun. I've made a lot of mistakes so far, but I'm excited to keep learning." Mark replied, beaming with light. 

"Ah, customers can be a bit unruly. Don't worry about it, I'm sure they'll warm up to you in no time. You have a very very inviting presence about you." I told him, wanting him to understand that I thought he was doing a great job.

"Thanks." he pursed his lips back and blushed.

"Here, this is for you, keep your spirits high. I'm sure it's the first of many tips you'll get." I handed him a fifty dollar bill and winked, heading off to the side to wait for my drink.

As I walked away I caught Mark's reaction to the tip. He was stunned, he picked the money up and quickly pocketed it, then shouted a thank you to me to which I nodded back at. 

I spent the next few minutes examining the new barista further as I waited for my drink. Mark looked to be about my age, although his gentle and loving demeanor made him appear a lot younger. He was fresh faced, with perfect soft skin and a winning smile that just begs to be returned. Though his eyes were determined and wise, they were juxtaposed on his face by his cute and boyish features. He was truly a sight for sore eyes. Maybe Neil being gone wasn't all that bad, after all.

[gsmatthews95]

"Is it wrap o'clock yet?"

Helloooo I am back and breaking my 4 day silence. Im on the bus down to noosa at the moment and I thought this is a good time to catch up with y'all on my comings and goings of the last few days. Also side note, I think I actually got frostbite last night. In a bed. In a hostel. Urgh. I was even wearing my sleeping bag onsie, it was bloody freezing. I just feel sorry for those poor unprepared souls who dont have a sleeping bag onesie. Ha I bet you thought oz would be warm didnt you? But no. Its pretty much arctic here at the moment. Lol. So where have I been these last few days? Oo good question Karen. I have been ticking oz travelling boxes by visiting Fraser island. Yaaaaay. Fraser island is a classic oz east coast stop, somewhere everyone goes for normally three days (dats what I did) on an organised tour, ew organised tour. But no. It was awesome one of the best tours I've done after the San vlas islands and the Lombok to Flores boat trip off the top of my head. Mainly because it was so chilled and fun, the guide was easy, the schedule was loose and we were driving oursrlves. So I think Fraser is the largest sand island in the world and has silica sand similar to Whitehaven beach, soft and white ooooo. Ergo George exfoliated and brushed his teeth again, yessss. But I jump the gun. So what happened was that we were in a group of 24 and one guide. We had three 4x4s with the guide driving the first and us driving the other two beasts. Yes I achieved my ambition of driving these bad boys. The island is famous because there are no roads. The highway is a 70 mile stretch of beach. Yes lots of beach and off road driving, well cool. #CarTwo4Lyf Ok the first day was an early kick off as we cruised to the island and over the ferry from rainbow beach. Then was our first experience of sand driving. Niamh (pronounced nieve. Irish, I know. Weird...) Was up as we skidded thru the deep and soft sand. This was actually the hardest driving as it was high tide and the wheels were going everywhere, a baptism of fire you may call it, well done niamh for getting us thru it all. I was up next as we went inland and off roaded. The moment I'd been waiting for. It was mint. We drove over craters, the car tipped over and the people in the back lost feeling in their bums... Not in a weird way... It was really bumpy I swear. The car smashed it though with its outrageous tires and suspension. It was all I imagined. AND MORE. This was when we came to lake Mackenzie. A rain water lake. Clear, clean and refreshing. With white sands. Idyllic. Kim kardashian actually just put up a photo there if you follow her, I reckon she was following us. We chilled there and swam a bit. Also got some nice snaps obvs. An enduring theme of this trip was Frisbee. Weird. I know. But very fun. So in car 2 (my car, the best car) we had 3, thats 3 out of 8 ultimate Frisbee players slash coaches. What are the chances? Consequentially, there was a lot of Frisbee chat and playing. Hugh and niamh are coaches and Ed plays at a national level (I'll leave it up to you to decide who's cooler me and my quidditch or Ed and his Frisbee). So every beach we got to the disk came out too culminating in a match when we got back to rainbow beach. A competitive yet relaxed affair. A very good game. Edged by team hugh, with yours truely playing centre back, a Sergio Ramos esque performance if I say so myself. It was well fun and is making me think I should have played at Leeds. I dont know if my friends would have stuck by me if I played that and quidditch though, it was hard enough to convince them to hang out with me when just played quidditch. Harry Buxton I'm looking at you. Also this is going to be a very long post, sorry. But a lot happened and I'm in the swing of writing now. The next stop on this adventure was lunch at a nice little creek with a board walk over it. Lunch. Let's discuss lunch. It quickly became the most exciting part of each day. It was the same meal each day but was heavenly anyway. Wraps. Lots of wraps with lots of fillings. It was so intrinsic to our days and necessary to our happiness that most conversations returned the wraps. "Is it wrap o'clock yet?", " I wonder if we're gonna get a new filling for the wraps today?", "im bloody excited about the wraps", "do you reckon dingo would taste good in a wrap?". Yep, wraps are life. I had nine in three days. We even had wrap battles, lol. Who had the best looking wrap?, the fullest wrap? Or even whether beatroot had a place in the wrap, were common lunchtime conversations. Basically we love wraps. The excitement culminated on our final day when Victor, part of our Swedish contingent, caught a fish with his bare hands (very alpha male i know) and proclaimed it was the newest filling for someone's wrap, yummy. Now it was off to camp for a little session. But only after we stopped at a ship wreck, which was quite cool. Nothing to write home about tho. Oh wait a second I suppose I'm writing home about it now. Hmm. Awkward. Well maybe is was worth It after all. We returned to camp, threw the disk, shock and drank goon, shock. We had a BBQ dinner and had some fun. A little trip to the beach for some stargazing and off to bed in my three man tent that i shared with my onesie, very cute. Day 2. An early kick off. Too early. I got up, got breaky and went back to sleep. I held up the group a wee bit, the previous nights antics had taken their toll, lesson learnt. Our first stop today was the champagne poolls. Basically some giant rock pools you can swim in with the waves crashing in. Not overly exciting but nice to see and swim in, obvs, nonetheless. I Just chatted to aido, our guide for a bit. Very funny man. A Bush baby. With a very different upbringing/life to me. Apparently he started a bush fire once, but did he do a fire dance around it while listening to dnb? I think not. Therefore I win. We cruised on Towards a big cliff With a wee little walk up it. We trooped up in true military fashion to get some nice views of the beach and sea. It was also a good sea creature viewing spot, we saw dolphins, a shark and lots of whales. Ok so the whales. There was a lot of them. So many so that the excitement of seeing them ebbed away towards the end. They'd all be chilling and swimming north along the beach. Usually quite far out tho. However, some gave us a show as the jumped out of the water and wagged their tales. One joker even did a workout for us as he repeatedly smashed his tale against the water, it was immense. Having never seen a whale I have now seen enough for a lifetime in 2 short weeks. It was all very impressive. More on day 2. I believe our next stop, after the wraps, was a trip to eli creek nicknamed the lazy river. A fresh water river leading to the sea, so clean you could drink it. It was a funny experience as our whole squad trooped Down the knee high river with only six tubes. There were scrambles for tubes as three would share one. I had a relatively regal experience compared to the rest as I sat on top of hugh, like a king. Then I was then shunted on to jabba's tube which we shared in very cute fashion. There was splashing, pushing and banter. It was all pretty jokes. I then went a second time with Rudy. Much more chilled as we floated down in true chiler fashion. We then played more frisbee and headed home for a sunset walk, with a twist.... What was this twist you ask? The twist was that we missed the sunset cause aido sent us off too late. Great. Luckily there was another group on the sand dunes with boogie boards. Ah, phew, we didnt waste our time after all. We were up and down the dunes standing, sitting and lying on the board. Lots of fun. Bloody tiring tho running up that hill so much and I had sand everywhere. I'm still covered now. A good activity tho, no thanks to aido. We headed back, I showered finally and we boozed. With another twist actually as we had neighbours in the next camp site. North camp. They were 26 strong. 23 girls and 3 guys, lol. 2 of the guys had girlfriends... Lol. So some of them came to join us as we had better banter and music, shock. The entertainment for the night was the excitement of a night at the horse racing. It got intense, especially when Winston pipped Adolf at the final hurdle. Adrenaline was flowing. Before I begin on day 3 I just want to give a little ode to the dingo. I was thinking they could get their own piece but I can't really be bothered. This has taken me like 1.5 hours I reckon already. Dingos are cute. Quite ratty but really they're just chillers. They stroll down the beach chat to humans and hang around with alpha males. There are lots of them on Fraser and people seem to be scared of them, im really not sure why tho cause they're super cute and lovely. They'll always have a place in my heart. I love you dingos. Day 3 started in similar fashion to day two. I hadn't learnt my lesson. We packed up camp and left for wobbi lake (I think). This was a stagnant lake (it was smelly and green) at the bottom of some steep sand dunes. This was the scene for the crumbed sausage. Something I will never forget. And as I have videos of it, I will always remember. Myself victor and jabba submerged ourselves in the festering water. We Got out and ran to the top of the dunes 3 times so we could try entering the water in different ways. We began by charging down at full speed. Easy. The second was the time of the crumbed sausage as we rolled down the hill, wet. This meant the sand clung to us. Hence the crumbed sausage. It was weird. Quite fun but quite painful, disorientating and sandy. This is the other reason im still covered in sand. We went for a third entrance into the water. Forward rolls, like a block of cheese rolling down the hill. This was most successful. As I hurtled down the slope at pace with a relatively smooth entrance to the water. Afterwards my head hurt and I couldn't see straight for about two minutes. If you go to Fraser, join the crumbed sausage crew, you won't regret it. Lol. But that was it as we went for lunch and bombed back to rainbow beach ending a smashing three days. We had a bangin group, lots of fun people in all three cars but seriously #CarTwo4lyf. Now I'm gonna go back to learning all the words to mans not hot and the bog in the valley-o. Maybe I should rename this blog the "blog down in the valley-o" although I do quite like "holidaying" I'll think about it. Anyhow I'll write again in maybe 3 days. Dont miss me too much. All my love. G

[cebeavers]

Universal Studios & Islands of Adventure 2007

March 21, 2007 Universal Studios Album | Islands of Adventure Album

Wednesday was our day to experience Islands of Adventure. We met up with Josh and Daniella just before we got to Islands so Daniella could get our free parking with her Season Pass. We were later than I had wanted to be, but oh well. Once we got there, I picked up our tickets and Josh and I headed to Guest Services, which took forever, but they were very kind to us and refunded my non-refundable tickets so we could get cheaper tickets to both parks. Where I had paid $63 per ticket plus tax & fees, since Josh & Daniella were pass holders, there was a special deal that they could get us 2 park, 1 day tickets for only $41. So we got our tickets and met Jeff inside the gate. That took a bit of time, but at least there was the opportunity to go to Universal Studios later.

After meeting up with Jeff, we made the decision to head back to Dueling Dragons, by way of Suess Landing, as we took pictures and goofed off. We also stopped by the talking fountain and the restrooms on the way. Eventually we made it to the Dragons, which said it had a 10 minute wait. Yay! Or was it...

Dueling Dragons Fire & Ice-We planned to have me and Jeff in the front of Ice, and Jon and Josh in the front of Fire. The line was all the way in the station, but they were only running ONE train on each side. This made waits very long. Then, as we were getting ready to get on, they decide to add another train to each side, which took a few minutes, not counting they then had to test the trains both twice. As we were finally getting on, and Josh and Jon were sitting on Fire, we were stopped as some VIPs were going to ride in our spot. That was annoying. Not that the VIPs were there, I didn't mind that, but we'd waited so long and timed everything just right, waited thru 1 train operation and them adding a new train, only to have to wait again. Put the VIPs in the middle, where there wasn't any type of wait, gosh!

So we made it to Ice. I don't get the 'problems' with Ice. I liked it well enough, and thought it was loads of fun. Granted, it isn't the best inverted coaster ever, but it was really good. I rode it first for a reason, but even comparing it to Fire, I don't think Fire was blow me away better than Ice. The timed loop and corkscrews were both really cool, and the layout of Ice is solid. Yay credit 128!

Then we met up with Daniella and the baby. We should have started taking advantage of Child Swap way earlier than we did, but Josh waited for us at the overlook as we all got in line for Fire. Fire is definitely better with the pop of air over Ice's zero-g roll, and again, a great inverted coaster. I doubt we'll ever see another set of dueling Beemers unless a new park builds them, but at least there are these 2. Yay Credit 129!

We exited the Dragons area and headed over to the Flying Unicorn. We took more random and silly pictures along the way. Islands of Adventure is definitely a very immersive park. They do need to paint, dust, and add something new, but the park as is is really great. Flying Unicorn had very little wait, and Daniella decided to sit this one out totally. Again, we should have Child Swapped, but didn't.

Flying Unicorn-Fun, for a Vekoma Roller Skater. Not thrilling, but not bad at all, and very needed for this park. I liked the station really well as well as the landscaping. They were actually running 2 trains on this as well. Oh, and the Wheel Chair access on the back of the park was interesting. Yay Credit 130!

As much as I dread them changing a land to something Harry Potter themed, I hope they leave the other part of the Lost Continent just they way it is and just expand the Medieval part for Harry Potter, as I'd hate to see the Middle Eastern part lost. After Unicorn, we went to Jurassic Park. The first thing we did was go to the Burger Dig and get our 2 park All You Can Eat wrist bands. The 2 park deal also gets you one meal at Citiwalk at a restaurant there, so for around $65, we did 2 parks and ate. Not bad at all if you ask me. I got a veggie burger that wasn't bad at all. Jeff said he wouldn't have recommended this place for food, but once we got our food, it was actually pretty good.

At this point, we decided to do water rides, all of which are near each other. The first one was Jurassic River Adventure. I'd done Jurassic Park The Ride in Hollywood and liked it. I liked parts of this one better, and parts of that one better. They both have their strong points.

Jurassic River Adventure-Jeff and Daniella (and Lillian) skipped this one. The queue is massive (and was made to be even more massive, Jeff pointed out), but the wait wasn't long. There are a few differences in this one on the outside, and as you go up the lift, the forced perspective wasn't on this one to make you think the lift was longer. That was really cool on the Hollywood version. I knew what was coming up with the T-Rex, but I like how Hollywood did theirs better (although the falling crate as you enter the building was better than the falling Jeep in Hollywood). I knew from prior experience that we would not get very wet. The drop was really cool and as I figured, only a slightly moist shirt resulted from the drop.

We took more pictures and then left Jurassic Park for Toon Lagoon. I have wanted to do Dudley Do-Right's Ripsaw Falls for ever, so Jon, Josh, and I headed there next. The wait was kind of long, but the ride is rather long, so on this, I didn't mind it. It isn't 'just another log flume', so that helps.

Dudley Do-Right's Ripsaw Falls-Yes, there are parts that feel unfinished. Yes, it needs dusting. Yes, I'd have liked to ridden without the painful backrests and with the steeper drop. But still, the ride was good. They need to fix some of the garbled audio as well. But the drops were fun, the final drop and bit of air were cool on a log flume, and the fact that all of me except my shoes got wet still amazes me. It wasn't a really hot day, but getting drenched on here didn't make me uncomfortable. Even if Jon complained. Oh well...

Since we were already soaked, the only other water ride was Bilge-rat Barges. Daniella wanted to ride this one, as Jeff once again sat out, and Josh cared for Lilly. The line was very short, the queue was really long, but we were on in a full boat with a bunch of others in no time.

Popeye & Bluto's BilgeRat Barges-Probably my 2nd favorite rapids ride at this point. I still like Disney's California Adventures Better, but this is a close second. Of course we got soaked, and the themeing was fun. I do like how they had a place to put your stuff to keep it dry in the middle. My favorite scene was the octopus cave. Very wet, fun, but only if it's warm enough.

We checked the line for Spiderman, but it was too long for the moment, so we headed to Fear Fall instead. They're short, but I always like S&S towers. Jon wasn't impressed. Again, Oh well...

Dr. Doom's Fear Fall-The queues here are really amazing, and this was no exception. What was a longer than I'd like wait was made better by highly themed and indoor queues. We finally got on, and I like how you're in a pit where they launch you. I also like the fog and Dr. Doom's announcement. The pop of air at the top was fun, but this was an underwhelming drop tower over all.

Next up was the one coaster I'd been waiting for, HULK. We had to stop so Daniella could change Lillian. I really wish we'd have done Baby Swap on this one to get 2 rides, but we didn't. The line was at the bottom of the ramp, but moved fast. There was mold in one of the themed water containers, and I learned some interesting things about some of the themeing and what it was in real life. We didn't wait for the front, but were about 2 rows back.

Incredible HULK Coaster-I see what all the fuss is about. The launch into the roll was really good. The coaster is paced perfectly. It is intense, while not being too intense. I like the order of inversions as well. Hulk is a great coaster. I don't know as of this writing where I'll rank it yet, but it'll be up there. Jon liked it very much as well. I can now see why this was so highly regarded in years past. It really IS that good. Yay Credit 131!

We stood around a bit and took pictures, and then decided to suck it up and ride Spiderman. This time we were going to do Baby Swap as both mom and dad wanted to ride. The queue is again very well themed and fun to walk thru. The wait was probably about 30 minutes. The ride was outstanding!

The Amazing Adventures of Spiderman-The setup is really cool. The 3-D Effects actually worked with my regular glasses. Although some things need dusting as is an epidemic at this park, the overall ride experience lived up to the hype for me. The fall was really well done as well. Loved it. Love it so much, we got back in line with Baby Swap and did it twice in a row. This is the type of ride Six Flags needs to save it's self. And Cedar Fair could use something like this too. Star Trek themed, that's what they need.

So after our 2 rides on Spidey, we headed over to Suess Landing. The Koontz family wanted to take Lilly on the Caro-Suess-el, so we waited on them for that. After Jon got some ice cream, Jeff and I got in line at Circus McGurkus, which proved to be a mistake. Josh quickly joined us, but we stood in line for almost an hour for some pizza. Granted, the Pizza was good and we didn't pay extra, but it was too long to wait. But we were stuck in line. After eating, we headed over to the High in the Sky Suess Trolly Train Ride, newly opened after being closed since the park opened. Jon sat it out, and the line was long, but it was an interesting ride, of which we didn't bother with riding but one side.

I wanted to ride Posidon's Fury, and even though the line sign said it was a 15 minute wait, it was well over an hour, so we skipped it. I hope it's there when I get back down to Islands. I really want to try it. At this point, though, if we wanted to ride Mummy, we had to head over to Universal Studios.

Universal Studios Florida, aside from being very different in atmosphere from it's Hollywood counterpart, was also very different in atmosphere than Islands of Adventure. It was interesting, but it was just very, very different. And more crowded it seemed. We headed first to Mummy's Revenge. We did Baby Swap, but were allowed to wait in line together.

The Mummy's Revenge-Very different ride than the Hollywood version. I like the one in Hollywood, but the theme and everything is so different on this one. I like this one better. The queue is more interesting, and we got some good pictures. I scared one woman with the air blowing out of the floor. That was cool. The ride it's self is not so different than Hollywood's, but the themeing is better, and this one is larger. I loved the ceiling fire, but the very ending of both were kind of a let down. The 2nd time we rode was just as good. But I'm doomed to never get a front seat ride on either version of this, I guess. Perhaps THAT is the Mummy's Curse for me? Yay Credit 132!

We stopped again for more pizza, without the wait this time. It was really good, and I love the chocolate mousse cake things at Universal. That's worth all you can eat alone! We wanted to to Men in Black, but I needed my Woody Woodpecker credit. We headed over there first.

Woody Woodpecker's Nuthouse Coaster-Basically another Roller Skater. Fun, yes, but not as fun as waiting in the queue. Josh set this one out.

By the time we got off this one, the park was closed. No MiB. Oh well, I plan to be back before the year ends to this park, hopefully as a season pass holder and Florida Resident. We left the park taking pictures the whole way and made our way over to Citiwalk. We sat near the Latin restaurant and pondered where we'd eat. We decided on Pat O'Briens, which we really didn't count on being Cajun Cuisine, but it was still good. We spent dinner mostly dating Jeffery with our song knowledge. Good Times. At the end of the nite, we all said our goodbyes and headed our seperate ways. Jon and I ventured out quickly that evening and went to 7-11, but decided to turn in early.

[thesanantonian-blog]

Hotel Emma

I’d wanted to go Hotel Emma for quite some time. Despite being a frequent visitor to Southerleigh and spending a lovely part of my bachelorette party at Sternewirth, I’d never actually explored the hotel. 

Parking & Check-In

Since we had some good news to celebrate, and some bonuses in our pockets we decided to invest in a romantic night at Hotel Emma. We chose the King suite with a terrace overlooking the river, and even though close parking was absolutely available, we decided to valet the car per usual. Driving up to the hotel, and parking in the roundabout was a luxury. Maybe you’re a person who always drives on perfect black gravel driveways, I don’t know but we certainly aren’t. Driving up to this gorgeously appointed hotel, in that English feeling drive felt luxe as fuck. So help me God if we’re able to have a secluded driveway it WILL BE PAVED THIS WAY. Anyhoo, as we got out of our cars we were greeted by the perfectly trained valets, and we dropped off the car to their care as we rolled up into the hotel with our luggage. The reception area is actually really small compared to other hotels, or at least more out of the way than any of the ones we’ve been to so far. I can’t say that I hate that either. I like that there was just a courteous and professional front desk agent, and a quick check in. Our room key had an adorable little ice box key on it too, and while they do that at other hotels, this one had a little style to it. The front desk agent also informed us of a generous happy hour for guests of the hotel that was taking place in the library, from 5-9pm. There were free margaritas for those that drink, and really tasty lemonade for those who don’t drink, like myself. There were also cookies that were laid out for guests to enjoy while they read the books. At 5:30, when we arrived the library was packed, so we went up to our room. We needed the room key to access the elevator to the sixth floor, a detail that was either not listened to or left out at check in. Nevertheless, after cursing the button a few times for not working I figured it out, and off we whisked to our room.

The Bathroom

The room was beautiful, literally everything about it was expertly curated and obsessed over. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was the bathroom. Pictures online do NOT do it justice. It’s all charcoal and white tile, with clean yet perfectly aged looking brass fixtures. The shower was a large walk in, and it was such a luxurious shower that it MIGHT have turned me into a shower person. The water also made that gorgeous shower sound that only comes with a large tile shower. Am I the only one that notices things like that? Whatever, I don’t care it was one of the best parts of the room. The toiletries were varied in scent and by FAR my favorite so far. We liked the rum body wash so much we ended up buying it. Unlike literally everything else in the room it was moderately priced at $22. More on that later.

The Bedroom

As I walked into the bedroom area, I was greeted with a huge, super comfy looking bed, a masculine yet modern looking table with leather chairs, and an armoire that housed our adorable little icebox, filled with high end mixers, limes and other drinks. Absent was the usual complimentary Dasani or Nestle water. Hotel Emma doesn’t play like that. Instead, they had their own artisanal water that was bottled in recycled glass bottles. If you’ve gone to Revolucion or Juice Essentials you’ll know the kind of bottles I’m referring to. They also had actual snacks that people would want to eat. Not to downplay the Valencia or any of the hotels we’ve been at that had incidentals, but this hotel seemed to understand their clientele a little better. There were tiny plates, napkins and coasters (because their furniture is legit and you need to use coasters), as well as chocolate covered English toffee, cheese and cured meats, and other stuff that I honestly didn’t pay attention to because I was too focused on the chocolate. They even had a little bowl you could use for dips chilled in the icebox. I suppose you could use it as a piece of mixology equipment if that’s your thing, and I think there were more instruments to that end in the cupboard.

Inside the cupboard was also a menu for room service, and on the table was a compendium of information and history about the hotel and the surrounding area. I happened to see on the room service menu, a menu for items in the room, should you be inclined to take anything. The compendium was $300, the robe was around that price and the jute slippers were around $80. Almost everything was highly overpriced. I’m not sure if that’s to deter theft, or if it’s just the norm to take stuff from a hotel room that 1k people used before you, AND pay thru the nose for it.

The Patio  

  Next we trekked outside to our patio, and marveled at the gas fireplace. Yes I know it’s 100 degrees outside. Do you think that stopped me from firing it up? WELL IT SHOULD HAVE. I got blasted with air so hot it’s a miracle I still have eyebrows. Nevertheless after I turned it off and sat on the couch across from the fireplace I was pleasantly surprised at how absolutely relaxing it was to just sit there with the fan above me rotating back and forth, keeping the patio mostly cool-ish. We’re legit and rugged Texans though, so we grabbed our artisanal waters and watched the goings on of the river area and the pearl below us. The heat only nominally bothered us, and there was so much to watch. There were photo shoots going on, children playing, people enjoying the architecture around them, and just general fun.

The Pearl

After awhile we decided to join them and headed to Bakery Lorraine for a sandwhich, which I heartily regretted when I saw that Hotel Emma has a restaurant called The Larder. They had everything we actually wanted, and it was priced just like Bakery Lorraine. The sandwiches at Bakery Lorraine aren’t my favorite, so it was a damn shame we didn’t see that. I did pick up an eclair though because they really shine in the sweets area of baking. A lot of people really like their sandwiches though so don’t let my opinion of them ruin it for you. They’re absolutely worth trying out. Their breakfast is outstanding so check that out too. 

With the culinary school located at the Pearl, you shouldn’t be surprised that there are some truly stellar restaurants nearby. Botika is Peruvian-Asian, Boiler House is gourmet American, Nao is Latin American, and Southerleigh is magnificent. Can you tell which is my favorite? At the time the Bottling Department Food Hall wasn’t open yet, but you can bet we would have been there slurping ramen from Tenko Ramen. If you do have a sweet tooth but it’s after 8pm (when bakery Lorraine closes), check out the best gelato in the city at Lick. A little walk away from the hotel you’ll find some GREAT Mexican at La Gloria, and near there you’ll also find my favorite Italian restaurant - Il Songo. It’s literally the best Italian food I’ve ever had. 

Hotel Fun

As we headed back to the hotel, we decided to partake in happy hour. The library is closed off to random passers by, as you have to have a room key to access it. While I’m sure most people are there to soak up the ambiance and enjoy drinks, you can actually find some great books here. They’re mostly coffee table books because it’s not like you’re going to finish a novel in one or two nights. Nevertheless it’s definitely something to see. They even have real library tables outside of the library you can sit at. I’m a fan of this because I’m a history nerd and a romantic; so if you are too you’ll probably love this.

Next we visited the shop in the Hotel, where I found out that I couldn’t afford what I thought was a pretty little crystal necklace because it was a pretty little diamond necklace. Outside of that you can find candles, perfumes, and little curios, which is perfect because the shop is actually called Curios. If you've visited The Tiny Finch in the Pearl it's got similar items.

In general, there’s a lot of fun you can have around the hotel, even if you aren’t staying there. Including eating at the hotel’s renowned restaurant Supper. We got room service to try it out and we NOT disappointed. 

Late Night

We love to order room service, and if you’ve read any of our other blogs you’ll know that. We felt this time though that we had to order room service, if only to experience Supper without having a lot of people around us. We only ordered a burger at the time because we just weren’t that hungry. Even so, it was one of the best burgers I’ve ever had, and the French fries were so...perfect. 

We spent most of the evening people watching from our room window, and listening to the music floating in from La Gloria and other restaurants around us. It was a hot yet balmy evening, and people watching is great when the people are having fun. As fun as being downtown doing the same is, people aren’t really as happy late night as they are in the Pearl. Call it romantic, but it seems like people were truly happy to be walking around the river pavilion and holding hands.

Of course, we found the room service breakfast menu. Unlike other places, you actually order breakfast the evening before, and post it outside of your door. More on that in a second.

Morning and Breakfast

Waking up in this room was blissful. Everything is so clean and so bright that it really feels like you’re in a special place. This definitely isn’t the case in all hotel rooms, so it’s special when you can find one that makes you feel that way. We’d ordered our breakfast the night before to arrive directly at 10AM, and we were not surprised at all that it did actually arrive on time. 

We ordered eggs with crispy bacon ends, beignets, coffee and Oaxacan hot chocolate. The breakfast was so sumptuous and delicious that we luxuriated in the beauty of it for awhile before actually digging in. For whatever reason, the site isn’t letting me post more pictures, especially of the breakfast. I’ll post those next. 

Checking out was of course and easy and effortless process, like most everything at Hotel Emma. Before we left however, we HAD to buy the rum body wash we had loved in the shower, since it was honestly the best smelling shower gel we’ve smelled in awhile. It’s by Malin + Goetz, and it’s actual name is the Rum Body wash.

Bottom Line

Yes, this place is expensive. Yes, it’s a hot spot and it can be seen as a little hipster-y. We did not give one fuck about that though, and if we had an extra $650 or so laying around we’d definitely go back again. The service, food, atmosphere and amenities were all superb, and so far it is the BEST hotel we’ve been to in San Antonio. Since the good news we were celebrating was a new baby on the way, we’re probably going to chill on the hotel visits for the next few months. My next blog post will actually be on the Drury hotel, where we both actually drank to our heart’s content, and enjoyed the truly unexpected frescos in the lobby. After that we’ll probably focus on local eateries around our ever evolving city. See you soon!

[thegeminisage]

zeldablogging! i actually quit playing hours ago but i didn’t have time to post it until now

firstly my bro came over and let me use all his amiibos and i got epona and some SWEET gear, but it's like, a random chance to get one of the three piece fo each one, so he has to COME BACK so can get everything

i got one of link's iconic hats haha im Sad

also i went to the wasteland tower and i can see the divine beast from there!! i think with the flying island bird thing i've now seen them all

altho if that ship thing really is the beast and i can see if from that far away...holy Fuck. they are so Big

my brother wanted me to go north to the woods at the top of the map to get the master sword, but im just not Ready yet. i wanna see more plot. he also told me that there was no special quest for it which like :/ weak?? im disappointed tbh

the interactive map shows a stable along the road so i guess i will start there!

i'm a little intimidated by the big desert tbh

god everything here is so tall and vast...i'm pretty sure bits of this are from one of the cool parts of the trailer

omg there's a talus on this hill

dont feel like fighting it now tho lol

KASS IS HERE <3

omg four dudes lost in the gerudo region...now THIS sounds familiar

ahaha :')

actually, i think i'm gonna go ahead and head to gerudo town first before exploring everywhere...which is the opposite of what i SAID i wanted to do after death mountain but this desert is big and vast and it'll be easier to keep track of what i've done, and tbh i'm afraid of running into the divine beast while i explore LMAO

plus: i wanna see plot!

i like that horses follow the roads, i can kinda see the sights and scope it out a little before Deep Exploration

wait can i not

oh god can i not ride my horse out here....?

oh jesus

ohhh my god what a long walk.......haha i've become spoiled

oh well here we go

lol i put on the link hat and got like. overwhelmed, emotionall.y too much. so much. to see him in green rn. altho lowkey disappointed he hasn't been in green for most of the game thats just His Color

omg it gets Cold in the desert at night!!

i bet in the daytime it gets hot hahaha

ooh i got a gerudo shield and scimitar from this lizalfos! nice!

WOW ANOTHER GERUDO HI HELLO IM GAY

uh

why......doesn't my map work rn

what the fuck??

i opened it and?? static??

please tell me it's the divine beast and not an area thing i can't LIVE without my map

wow the air got all green and windy here when i walked towards a shrine...dnw dnw 

see this is why i worried about exploring but it's Right There if igured it'd be no trouble

thats what i get for thinkin

omg a SAND SEAL?? they are so weird lookin haha and it scared me for a sec moving thru the gloom like that. thought it was a monster

uh

it strikes me with no minimap i can't fast travel and everything looks just the same out here...what if i get lost?

oh there's the shrine thank god

omg my map works inside the shrine ;w;

tbh i dont feel like doing it rn i'd fast travel out of this green shit if that didn't mean having to start the whole walk over

i guess i can just fast travel to the shrine itself at least now i know the direction i need to walk to get out

yep and here goes the temp climbing. jesus

luckily i prepped for this when i stop to cook i like to make a bit of everything and i knew i was coming somewhere hot, so

LMFAO out of sheer curiosity i took all my armor off and that worked too.

ohhh amn this no-map green-sand no-visibility thing is WIGGING ME OUT dude i pray it's a divine beast thing bc i can't explore like this AND i couldn't really see the whole beast bc of the sand. so. fingers crossed

please let me find the road please let me find the road please let me find the road

put all my armor back on bc i spotted an enemy and thats super weird even without special food the sun isn't killing me anymore...maybe it's a noontimeish thing? but no, it was sunrise before and 10am now.......mysterious. i don't like it. i do not like the desert. i Do Not like the desert.

I JUST HEARD THE BEAST ROAR

oh my god and there it is...what even IS that jesus christ

it's so big im scared and crying

and the lightning!!! it's so powerful!!!!

like, my brother said the dungeons were too easy but the FEEL of these things...they truly are fucking divine

oh thank fuck i see fire. help me please

MY MAP'S BACK YES

thank GOD

and i'm at gerudo town i think!! somehow

but i missed the oasis and i know there was a memory there painter dude told me ):

wait, no...this IS the oasis! yes!!!!!! i made it to the road in the perfect spot!!!!!!

wait they;re saying here "voe" aren't allowed in gerdo town...oh my god are they being serious rn

I HATE THE DESERT LMAO

but frankly i can't blame them. tbh if i had a society of all females i wouldn't let any men in either.

there's. so many pretty women in here. they're so tall. i'm so gay

omg there's a rito and a goron here!

oooh the highlands tower sandstorm apparently dies down for a few hours every day!! good to know x_x

god if it IS a regional thing im totally fucked.

oop the temp kicked up again once i left the oasis

WAIT i almost forgot the memory jesus christ!

ok ok

WHOAAA HOLY FCK

zelda was running from the yiga clan and link stepped in and saved her at the last second AND THE MAIN THEME PLAYED A LITTLE

altho i kinda hate this helpless damsel zelda stuff...i guess it's mostly par for the course, tho - very few games have had her able to fight and even the ones that did got her captured at the very end

there's a rock outcropping here and i can SEE the sandstorms, jesus

i hope they're less frequent after i free the beast

maybe the one near the shrine/tower broke up for a sec and that's why the temp kicked up? everyone says it does once a day...but my map didn't change lol so idk

lol got to tell a gerudo she was my dream girl

haha so they travel and leave to find husbands and have kids? she mentioned "training"... great potential for trans characters here but alas that's WAY beyond nintendo rn

i like that they speak another language, it makes the world feel bigger and more real (and they even teach you some!!)

omg you can RIDE the sand seals?!

i...need a shield...to sand seal SURF

that sounds. like the coolest thing ive ever heard in my whole life

apparently there's a guy who slips in every night that i could follow!! i wish i could just sneak in myself, tho

all right nothing doing so i loked it up and APPARENTLY YOU HAVE TO CROSSDRESS LOL i love it

like i've seen that outfit in guides and i thought it looked a bit nonfunctional

altho i hope this plotline doesn't make crossdressers the butt of a joke!!

aw you can tell the person on the rock "you're a man" but im gonna pretend she's trans and not be a jerk

AAAH I LOOK PRETTY

ok, i absolutely gotta dye these pink

AWWW LINK LOOKS BASHFUL WHEN TOLD HE IS A GOOD-LOOKIN GAL

MY SWEET SON

yes i am fast traveling this instant to dye these

i know this game is probably being gross about this but frankly i love the idea of agender link

and these are my favorite clothes i wanna wear them and ride my pink horse all the time

aaah and now i am pink!! tbh i'd love to sneak in now but i have a stream to get ready for ))):

maybe i will just look around really quick i still have a few minutes

im usually a little late starting anyways lol

ooh the music in the day here is rly cool!

OMG A LIL BABY GERUDO GIRL SHE'S SO CUTE im crying

LOL THERE'S A GORON HERE

why did they let him in! i thought there were no girl gorons

lmao even he doesn't know......omg

omg an OLD gerudo too finally!!!

gaaaah i wanna look around more but my time is up for tonight!!