#they’re my friends so it’s fine we all lose that bit that makes us civilized when playing soccer

[leratatouille]

playing soccer with straight guys sometimes you’ll hear some stuff that just makes you go mmmmmmmhm i’m not 100% sure i’m ok with that

[random-thought-depository]

Idea for a story I should write someday: a story kind of like the Babylon 5 episode Believers, but it’s obliquely referencing the continuity of consciousness arguments about uploading and teleportation.

The story’s equivalent of Shon is an alien from an intelligent species for whom unconsciousness is naturally super-rare; they don’t sleep, and they have a highly redundant nervous system that makes them very resistant to being “knocked out” by blunt force trauma or drugs. As a result, this species has developed philosophical arguments that a continuous stream of consciousness is constitutive of identity, and hence to lose consciousness is to die, and if somebody loses consciousness and then wakes up later that person has died and a new person who happens to have their memories has awakened in their body. This perspective is intuitive to them, in the same way “if somebody creates a perfect copy of you and then immediately kills the original you, you have died” is intuitive to us, and it’s the view of multiple mainstream religions and philosophies on their world. Their equivalents of the words awake and alive are more-or-less synonyms, their word for being born roughly translates as “awaken,” and their word for death roughly translates as “the cessation of movement and thought” (maybe they classify sessile organisms like plants and fungi as not alive, in the same way we classify viruses as not alive?).

Obviously, one consequence of this is that most surgeries in their society are done with local anesthetic, with the patient being carefully kept awake (”alive”) the whole time. But in this case a child of this species has an illness or injury that will definitely kill them (in the uncontroversial sense of the concept) if it isn’t remedied with an operation that definitely will result in a period of unconsciousness. And the story centers on a human doctor trying to convince the child and their parents that what they’re proposing will save the child’s life instead of just killing them and replacing them with a different person.

The take a third option happy ending would be that the doctor manages to find a way to do the operation while keeping the child conscious the whole time, but I think I prefer something a bit more bittersweet. So I’m thinking maybe they try something like that, and it works in the sense that the child physically survives and is fine, but it fails in that the child loses consciousness for a few minutes during the operation so the parents see them as having died.

Oh, they don’t filicide their own child like in the B5 episode or anything like that. They don’t think they’re an abomination or anything like that. They just think their child has died and been replaced with something like an identical twin. While unconsciousness is very rare among them, there have been cases throughout their history, and their culture has developed procedures for it. When a person dies and a new person awakens in their body, the new person is given a name (different from that of the original inhabitant of their body) and their equivalent of a baptism. The family of body’s previous inhabitant may adopt them. If they’re married, the spouse of their body’s previous inhabitant may marry them. They may adopt the children of their body’s previous inhabitant. They inherent the personal property of their body’s previous inhabitant, but they are not responsible for any debts and crimes of the previous inhabitant of their body, which are considered to belong to the dead person. The “dead” inhabitant of their body is given a funeral, with a small effigy of wood or wax buried or burned as a corpse would be. The “dead” inhabitant of their body is then given the same daily prayers for the dead as other dead immediate family members.

So, before the operation the child prepares for the possibility that they might lose consciousness by writing a letter to the inheritor of their body saying something like “Please don’t feel bad about inheriting my body, you didn’t ask for this, it isn’t your fault.” After the operation the child is given a new name and their equivalent of a new baptism and adopted into the family, as a foundling would be, and is introduced to their sibling as a new member of the family who happens to look like the dead sibling. The child inherits the personal property of the “dead” child, in this case a few toys and video games and the like. The parents arrange for their “new” child’s education to continue where the “dead” child’s left off, as they share the same memories (when they go back to their school - which is a small “neighborhood” school run by and for the community of their species on the space station the story takes place on - they are introduced to their classmates as a new student). The “new” child participates in the funeral of the “dead” child and before every evening meal participates in the daily prayers for the dead, in which the “dead” child is mentioned by name as other dead immediate family members are. The “new” child will celebrate their birthday on the anniversary of the operation, and the day of the operation will be counted as the day of their birth (“awakening”). Basically, the parents are as nice about the whole thing as they can be, but they really believe that they’ve lost a child and gained a new one (through no fault of the new child!), and they and the rest of their immediate community act accordingly.

Some time later the human doctors gets invited to participate in some sort of ceremony for the “new” child, formal acknowledgment of them having finished memorizing some sacred scripture in their school or something like that. They give the human doctor the role in the ceremony that the midwife who assisted in the child’s birth would normally have.

---------------

Some peripheral notes for this concept:

In the setting of this story, humans are a relatively minor race; Earth is an unusually densely populated world, but on the periphery of known space and relatively backward, humans only developed a high-tech civilization recently and haven’t spread out much and are a small percentage of known space’s population. The human doctor is one of the few humans on a trade hub space station, or at least one of the few humans who’s part of the official staff; most of the humans there are part of the station’s working/lower class, a mix of low-level maintenance and dock workers, small-time shopkeepers, entertainers and service workers of various sorts, homeless people, and petty criminals (with a fair amount of fluidity between those classes).

Sleep is a weird thing humans do in this setting; it’s unique to humans (and other Earth animals), other intelligent species don’t need it or do it. However, most intelligent species don’t have the “unconsciousness = death” belief, because while most intelligent species don’t sleep they are more familiar with unconsciousness as a semi-normal thing from people passing out drunk, getting knocked out in a brawl, etc.. Maybe there’s even one or two intelligent species who don’t sleep regularly but can hibernate in periods of resource scarcity like bears or go into torpor if the temperature gets too low (common alien words for human sleep might translate to things like “micro-hibernation” and “false thermocoma”). It’s just this one species for whom unconsciousness is naturally super-rare so their culture developed in a context where it was some extraordinary, freakish, even eldritch-seeming thing.

In this context, the human doctor experiences some of the limitations of humans as something a lot like a disability. She can’t regularly work the 20+ hour shifts that are normal for her colleagues, because she needs to sleep. She needs more time off than most of her colleagues, because normal alien schedules are made around the assumption of effectively having an extra eight hours every day to get stuff done. Because the aliens are active 24 hours, most intelligent species have much better night vision than humans, so to save on energy and burned out light bulb equivalents the common area and default lighting on the space station is what a human experiences as semi-darkness. She wears basically night vision goggles most of the time to be able to easily work in what the aliens consider normal indoor lighting conditions. A lot of the alien tools and furniture are the wrong size and shape for her, and she gets a friend in the station’s machine shop to recut and otherwise modify a lot of the medical tools for her. Humans are relatively unusual in the wider galaxy and kind of funny looking even by the standards of a relatively cosmopolitan multi-species society (the more typical body plans for an intelligent species are “six-limbed quadruped with four legs and two arms” and “kind of like a theropod dinosaur”), so common alien furniture is really not built for her (the human sitting posture is super-weird and freaky by alien standards, they tend to get uncomfortable just looking at it), and she gets kind of a lot of people (especially children) staring at her and wanting to touch various parts of her and so on, but it’s mostly benign curiosity. She’s uncomfortably aware that she’s a “diversity hire” (the alien polity that runs the station likes to hire members of their various allied and subject races to give them a sense of inclusion) and that a lot of people kind of resent having to do all these accommodations for her instead of just hiring a normal person.

The family of the sick child actually have a kind of parallel experience. Their world is even more marginal and peripheral than Earth and they’re a small minority in the galactic population, and the space station was built by and primarily for beings smaller than them so they have to deal with a lot of uncomfortably small tools and furniture and spaces or stick to special areas and facilities for bigger beings. This is a universe where big alien theory is true, so they’re actually more-or-less average size for an intelligent species, but the most numerous races are around human size so around human size is what gets treated as normal size for a person to be. Note: around human size with quadrupedal or theropod-like body plans translates to the human doctor has to stoop to fit inside a lot of small corridors built for beings substantially shorter than humans, but thankfully the station is designed for a cosmopolitan crowd so at least the bigger public spaces are sized to be accessible to beings up to approximately the size of large sauropod dinosaurs (and the water-filled sections for water/ocean-dwellers are designed to be accessible to even bigger beings).

---------------

Rough draft/outline for some lines in a conversation that would happen in this story:

Human doctor: I sleep every day. Well, almost every day, anyway. <Laughs a little, then turns serious> Do you think I die every time I go to sleep? Do you think the version of me you talked to yesterday is dead, and I’m... What, the latest in a line of thousands of doppelganger-clones of [her name]?

Alien parent: I... <uncomfortable pause> My partner holds it as a matter of faith that is works differently for Humans, because the Makers would not be so cruel as to create a race that is born in the morning, lives one day, dies that night, passes their body on to a new person who continues their errands and then dies in turn the next night. But I’m a rationalist, and... <uncomfortable pause and squirming> ... If you really look at nature, you see a multitude of horrors. The buzzer-fly’s young tear it apart from inside and eat its corpse. Nature is amoral. I can believe nature would create such a thing as an intelligent race that lives one day. I... Honestly, I try to not think about it much, to preserve my sanity.

Human doctor: I slept last night. I don’t feel like I died. I feel like I’m the same person I was yesterday.

Alien parent: Suppose this question had an objective and testable answer, and it was that I was right. Suppose I could show you I was right, as I could show my ancestors the Red Thirst with a microscope and say “See, it is not a curse, it is a thing like a tiny plant, that gets inside you and grows inside you like a strangling vine.” What would you do? How would you react to knowing that you have hours to live, that you were born this morning and will die tonight and are but one in a long chain of inhabitants of your body who lived only one day, and your whole race is like that?”

Human doctor: <thinks about it for a moment> “I think I’d find some way to tell myself that it wasn’t true, that you were wrong, and then I wouldn’t think about it much, to preserve my sanity.”

Alien parent: “For what it’s worth, I really hope it doesn’t actually work like that. But I’m not willing to gamble my child’s life on ‘I really hope it doesn’t actually work like that.’”

-----------------

On that note: at some point the parents see the human doctor while she’s dozing at work and it’s intensely disturbing and creepy to them. An unconscious person is disturbing to them in the same way fantasy undead would be disturbing to humans: they’re simultaneously dead and alive in a way that seems unnatural in the sense people use when they use that term to refer to something horrible. I think I might have some fun describing human sleep in a way that channels a Lovecraft protagonist: “Alive, yet not alive. Clearly dead, but stirred by inward motion.”

It’s more logical when you remember that their language uses a lot of the same or similar words for life and consciousness and for death and unconsciousness. Like, yes, she is indeed [alive/awake] but not [alive/awake], clearly [unawake] but moving a little, those are totally factual observations, I’m just translating the emotional charge they’d have for these people.

One of these poor people would probably have a breakdown when they see their own child in that state on the operating table. :(

On a lighter note, there’d be comic relief potential in this too:

Alien child: “Are they dead?”

Alien parent: “Kind of, but it’s not as big a problem for them as it is for us.”

And also tragicomedy potential: at one point the alien child asks the human doctor what death is like, saying she should know since she dies every day.

Tangential note: I’m thinking the alien child’s race is hermaphroditic, in which case it’d be appropriate to use gender-neutral pronouns for them ... and they probably wouldn’t have a concept of gender (except insofar as they might have learned that some other species have such concepts), so it would make sense for them to use gender-neutral language when they talk about humans among themselves too; their language wouldn’t have gendered pronouns except maybe specifically as a device adopted for being polite to certain aliens when you talk to them. Not sure how I’d handle pronouns for hermaphroditic aliens in a story.

-----------------

Other character concepts for this story:

When it comes to having to deal with a station built by and for beings that have rather different bodies than you, the human doctor is lucky compared to her colleague and best friend, a giant whale-like being who does most of their work through teleoperation while sitting in basically a giant swimming pool.

This person’s homeworld is a cold planet almost entirely covered by ocean; only a few almost totally barren tiny islands rise above an otherwise uninterrupted sea so deep it drowns all but the very highest mountain peaks (with so little land, multicellular life on this world has never left the sea). Their species (which is hermaphroditic, hence the choice of pronoun) is very much like the filter-feeding whales of Earth. Evolution of their intelligence probably was driven more by social selection than intrinsic stimulation of their watery world; they live their life by The Game, a complex and ever-shifting web of relationships that determines social status, access to resources, and mating opportunities, and that contributes to their survival. They are highly intelligent (their brain probably weighs more than you do!), and they might have tentacles or a manipulatory tongue or something, but before known space society found them and offered them access to space travel their watery world offered them little opportunity to develop technology. It’s unknown how long they’ve been sapient, but their oral history includes accounts of an asteroid impact that happened several million years ago.

This character thinks most of their people are good-natured but provincial. They’re good folks, but once you’ve gotten through the latest permutations of The Game and last year’s migrations and the plan for next year’s migrations and what the krill tastes like in various places these days the conversation tends to just kind of drift there like a sea-plant. They remember the 74th year of their life; the most interesting thing that happened that year was their pod passed close to an island. Why, on Earth, that was the year humans sent their first crewed expedition to Mars! They left their world to find a more interesting life.

They can use their powerful sonar to “see” inside their patients and still swear by this vs. the more advanced high-tech instruments.

--

The case of the sick child ends up involving a lawyer. He’s a member of another minor species of known space society, an arboreal intelligent species that originally inhabited the forests of a humid world. The evolution of intelligence in his species was driven mostly by social and sexual selection, like the whale people but moreso. His species is highly intelligent, but mostly uninterested in physical problems; in their original society most of their intelligence was focused on socialization, mating strategies, and art (the art was part of the socialization and mating strategies). When wider known space society found them, they were living as hunter-gatherers with a rich artistic tradition but a Stone Age level of technology. Examination of their world’s fossil record indicated that they had existed at that level for over a hundred million years. However, once integrated into a high-tech interstellar society, they became very successful as artists, lawyers, politicians, and business people, and can be found in those professions in numbers greatly disproportionate to their percentage of known space’s population. He is colorful and beautiful, like a peacock, and for the same reason.

[miekasa]

out of the woods (eren jaeger)

↯ pairing: eren jaeger x reader

↯ genres and warnings: royalty au (not within the snk universe), knight/bodyguard au, friends? to lovers? implied? perhaps? maybe one day, but eren’s obviously in love with you lol, sorry i had to make jean the token little shit character but i love him

↯ notes: i spend a lot of time thinking about royalty aus in which the reader is in line for the throne and eren is her very impulsive, but very skilled personal guard because i love him

↯ word count: 1.5k

The harsh clinking of metal ringing in your ears is probably the only thing that keeps you from falling asleep in your chair. Eren’s always a bit fidgety when he’s completely suited, covered almost head to toe in armor and weaponry. It’s a bit excessive, too, which is why he’s not required to look like a walking chandelier on a regular basis, and especially not within castle walls—his normal uniform and longsword at his side in case of an unlikely emergency; but for meetings like these, Eren adorns all four layers of shiny, heavy, gold armor.

It’s more of a status symbol, decoration even, than for his or your own protection, really. And it’s his sly way of keeping you awake during long, drawn out civil duties meetings like these; he knows you hate the sound of all the metals clinking together, but it’s an effective way to making sure you don’t fall asleep face first on the table, and embarrass yourself in front of other royalty and noblemen.

Eren’s arguably a little too impulsive to be a knight, especially for one that stands at the right hand of the sole princess to the kingdom; and definitely the most mischievous of all the royal guards. And, as if to prove it, he shakes his wrist near your ear again when he sees you spacing out, prompting you to shake your head reflexively. He has to hold back his chuckle.

“Princess,” both yours and Eren’s attention shift to the voice that calls after you, “You seem a bit… distracted? Is anything the matter?”

The sound of Jean’s voice is enough to make Eren straighten his spine, his noisy wrist falling to rest his hand on your shoulder protectively. Eren feels you relax your shoulders under his touch, a silent message that he’s free to withdraw and do the same, but he stays sharp.

“My apologies, Jean,” you reply, voice kind and steady, “I have quite a bit on my plate, please pardon my absentmindedness.”

Jean hums, a cheshire grin growing on his lips, as his gaze settles on Eren, rather than you. Jean leans forward, the ruffled cravat around his neck tickling his chin as he brings his elbow onto the table, and his cheek to rest against his palm.

“Surely you’re in no immediate danger, princess,” Jean drawls, slowly, eyes now fixated on you, “Your guard dog can stand down in the presence of friends, no?”

Eren grits his teeth, growing more restless with every word that leaves Jean’s irritating mouth. The prick has the audacity to smirk when Eren’s free hand goes to rest against the sheath for his sword.

You, however, simply smile politely. The other men and women of the court are silent around the table; some eyes wide with anticipation, or perhaps anxiety, as the tension between Eren and Jean grows. You look slightly behind Jean, where Armin stands against the wall, his stance neutral, but his face concerned, with a look that speaks a thousand words—or, rather, twelve: tell Eren to relax, or there will be a bloody royal murder.

Carefully, you bend your own arm back, as to place your palm atop Eren’s hand still resting on your shoulder; then looking towards Jean: “Eren is my primary guard and advisor, Prince Jean, just as Marco is to you,” you state calmly, gesturing to the seat at Jean’s right, where Marco is seated, “He is by my side at all times.”

Eren knows that; and Jean knows it, too. He also knows this is a losing battle, but he wants to play, anyway.

“I understand, my lady, but surely there’s no need for Eren to be on guard for high-level threats at such a minuscule gathering,” Jean taunts, looking Eren in the eyes before continuing, “Besides, I’m sure a husband would provide much more civil protection, wouldn’t you agree?”

It takes you squeezing Eren’s hand with all your strength to get him to even think about refraining from unsheathing his sword and putting it through Jean’s head. He feels your orders, but it does nothing to calm him, though; angry, vengeful, green eyes boring into the prince’s soul.

Jean smirks, slips in another sly innuendo about he could please you better than any knight in your court, and Eren almost loses it. His right hand is on the handle of his sword, a glimmer of handcrafted gold peeking through its casing. His moves have the other knights on guard, too; Armin silently signaling for Mikasa to be careful, or ready.

“Eren,” you call, but you’re looking at Jean, “Stand down.”

You have to repeat your words twice more for them to get past Eren’s cloudy mind and growing growls. You squeeze his hand again, and reluctantly, he takes a step back—evens out his footing, removes his hand from your shoulder, lets go of his weapon. His stance is neutral at your right hand now, and the relief in the room is palpable. And audible from Armin, who lets out a sigh; he can rest now, knowing that the foreign prince won’t be beheaded.

With a similar sigh, you stand to address your other guests, “I believe a recess is in order. Mikasa will usher you to the ballroom for hors d’oeuvres and wine. We will reconvene at quarter to the hour.”

The noblemen, advisors, and other royalty nod in acknowledgement, moving to the exit as Mikasa leads them through the castle corridors and into the appropriate room. Prince Jean falls behind the rest, offering you and wink and a cocky grin before being pulled by Marco. Armin is the last to exit, saluting you politely as his stands in the entryway.

“Would you like for some refreshments to be brought to you, princess?” he questions.

“You don’t have to be so formal when they’re not around, you know that,” you smile gently. Armin gapes, a light, embarrassed blush falling across his cheeks, “It’s fine, Armin. I’ll be there shortly.”

Armin nods, giving Eren a look, before finally exiting and following behind the crowd. When you’re alone, Eren finally speaks.

“I don’t like him.” 

“I thought you and Armin were friends,” you joke, pushing yourself from out of your seat and standing next to him. Eren’s side-eye speaks a thousand words, but you find yourself chuckling in response.

“You promised me you’d work on that temper of yours,” you taunt, taking a few steps towards the door. Amused by his pouty demeanor, you extend your hand for Eren to hold like a child, “Come on, knights shouldn’t pout.”

Eren rolls his eyes, gingerly taking your hand, only to spin you around and wrap his arms around your middle. He fits his chin into the crook of your shoulder, “Knights shouldn’t have to justify wanting to murder asshole princes, either.”

“Jean means well,” you say, laughter seeping through your words at Eren’s evident disagreement with your statement. You reach a hand backwards to comb through his hair to quell his irritated state; an action well received, as the taller boy nuzzles his face deeper into your shoulder, his body finally fully relaxing, “He shouldn’t intentionally antagonize you, but he’s still a prince, Eren. You have to be careful.”

Eren huffs, and holds you a little tighter. “Him being a prince means nothing to me.”

“I’m serious,” you sigh, letting the hand in his hair fall down to your side, and then to rest atop his that are over your stomach, “You can’t be that hasty. Your actions could be seen as an attempt on royal blood by the wrong people.”

“And his words could be seen as harassment and defamation of the princess and her associates, in which case I am within my rights to attack, and you are within your rights to sue,” Eren counters. 

He removes his hands from your waist, gently resting them on your shoulders to turn you to face him now. He’s got that stupid look on his face, the one he gets when he’s a little too overly confident, but Eren’s not dumb; he’s impulsive, and passionate, but he knows the law of your land like the back of his hand, particularly where it pertains to protecting you. 

“And he did it while on your land. It would have been defense of the princess—precautionary knightsmanship, really—if I had sliced his head off.”

“Precautionary knightsmanship sounds made up,” you say, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“It’s real. It’s in the knight handbook, trust me,” Eren replies, leaning down to press a single kiss to your forehead. He removes his hands from your shoulders, stepping past you before turning back with one arm extended, “Come on, allow me to escort you to the tiny, not fulfilling, rich people finger foods.”

You chuckle, placing your smaller hand in his, “They’re called hors d’oeuvres, Eren.”

“That sounds even more ridiculous,” he notes, wrapping his fingers around your palm, “Just eat normal meals and portions like the rest of us.”

“You know, you’re allowed to eat the tiny, rich people finger foods, too.”

“I know,” Eren hums, turning his head as he begins to walk you in the direction of the ballroom, “But I’d rather have Jean’s head.”  

[lrissa]

You’re Easier To Kick When You’re Kneeling.

summary: you and eren were both titan shifters, getting your ass beat in the court room by humanity’s strongest

warnings: violence, swearing,

✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩

“Good luck!”

Where the last words Hanji spoke before shoving you and Eren into the court room. Tension penetrated the air as the Survey Corps gave hard glares to the Military Police.

Spinning around you saw everyone looking to you and Eren. Embarrassment and fear crawled through your nerves, gazing to Eren as he looked just as afraid.

“I’m scared..” You whispered to the brunette, he turned to look down at your lightly shaking physique.

“We’ll be fine.” He gave you a small smile, his eyes creased softly, he wished he could reach out and pat you on the shoulder.

Straining yours eyes forwards you bit down your tongue readying yourself mentally. You noticed two long metal pillars beside eachother, gulping.

“Step forward.” An office spoke as he shoved the barrel of a gun into Erens back. Urging him forwards forcefully, quickly you walked to catch up with him.

Two officers pushed you and Eren apart. Snapping your head to the brunette, he nodded his head to you calmly, his eyes gave you comfort as the man shoved you to your knees infront of the pole.

Together the men picked up the metal and ordered you to place your hands stretched behind you, doing so they let the pole fall back into place. Having you directly connected to the pole and squatted down.

You hung your head low as the hair on your shoulders fell forwards to conceal your face. Your eyes had dilated and your body shook. Fear. Worry. Anxiety.

A door opened followed by footsteps and a chair scraping across the stone as someone seated themselves. The judge.

“Well then, let us begin. Eren Jaeger and Y/N L/N, yes?” He’d adjust his glasses and stare at the small paper in his fingers before continuing. “You are soldiers, sworn to sacrifice your life for the public good. Is that correct?”

“Yes, sir.” Eren answered as he stared bug-eyed at the judge, “Yes, sir.” You repeated after Eren and tilted your head up.

“This is an exceptional situation. The tribunal will be held under military, not civilian, law. The final decision rests entirely in my hands.” The white haired man looked from the paper to us, “Your fate will be decided here. Do you have any objections.”

Looking to the floor you squeezed your eyes shut momentarily, opening them wide again. “No, sir.” You and Eren spoke simultaneously.

“I appreciate your perception. I will be direct. As anticipated, concealing your existence has proved impossible. We must make your existing public in some form, or a threat to humanity other than titans will arise. What I will decide today is which force will have custody of you.”

“The Military Police,”

“Or the Survey Corps?”

“Then, I ask the Military Police for their proposal.”

Your head shifted to the Military Police, watching as a man readied himself before speaking vibrantly.

“Yes, sir, I am Commander of the Military Police, Nile Dawk, I will present my proposal. After a thorough investigation of Eren and Y/N’s body, we believe they should be eliminated immediately.”

Your eyes expanded as he said this. This man hardly knew either of you, not a single fucking thing. Your eyebrows furrowed into a scowl while your hands contoured into fists.

“It’s certainly true that their titan power overcame our pervious peril. However, now their existence threatens to spark a civil war. So we ask them to die for humanity’s sake, leaving behind all information they can.” He finished

Your stomach churned as he spoke, did everyone seriously wish you dead?

“There is no need for that! They are an invasive pest! They have deceived the walls that embody Gods wisdom! They must be killed at once!” A preist yelled at the top of his lungs as he pointed to us with crazed eyes. Freak.

“Preist Nick. Order, please.” The judge calmly stated before shifting his attention to the right side.

“We’ll hear the Survey Corps’s proposal next.”

“Yes, sir. I, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith, will present my proposal. We would welcome Eren and Y/N as an official member of our forces, and use their power to retake Wall Maria... That is all.”

You stared at the Commander, that’s all. That’s all? Yours and Erens life were on the line and he couldn’t conjure up another defense statement.

“That’s all?” The judge questioned suspiciously.

“Yes, sir. With their power, we can retake Wall Maria. We believe it is clear what our priorities should be.”

“I see. And where do you plan to begin this mission”The judge stated, “Pixis, the Trost wall has been completely sealed, correct?” He added.

“Yes, it can never be opened again.” A bald man retorted.

“We would like to set out from Karanes, in the east. From there, we will proceed to Zhiganshina. We will determine the route as we go.” Erwin confidently spoke as he stared to the judge.

“Wait a minute!” shouted a man, whipping your head over, “Shouldn’t we seal all the wall gates once and for all? The Colossal Titan can only destroy the gates. If we can strengthen them, we needn’t endure further attacks!” His planned seemed smart but there where missing pieces and it would most likely be difficult to achieve.

“Shut up, merchant dog!”

“With those titan powers we can return to Wall Maria!”

“We can no longer indulge your delusions of grandeur!”

Argued two men as they yelled at one another from across the room, ‘So annoying’ you thought.

“You talk a lot, pig.” A dark voice rung throughout the court, turning your head up you spotted Levi. Behind his tough physique he was actually a bit funny.

“Where is your proof?” Levi continued, “that the titans will wait while we seal the gates? The ‘we’ you speak of are only those you wish to protect, your ‘friends’ who help line your pockets. The people who starve because there isn’t enough land to sow don’t even figure into the thoughts of you pig.” Levi finished as you stared at him with wide eyes, was he seriously protecting you from the Military Police?

“We just thought that we could survive by sealing the wall gates—“ The merchant began, “Silence!” Yelled the priest beside him as he slammed his hand on the railing, nearing the mans eyes. “Impious traitor! Mere humans altering Wall Rose, walls that were a gift from God? Can you truly see those walls? Gods work far beyond human capabilities, and not understand?”

The rest of his words drowned out as your mind took hold, thoughts of the future plundered your head as you squeezed your eyes shut.

The judges taps of his desk brought you back to reality and you snapped your head up, “Silence. You may discuss your personal philosophies and opinions elsewhere.”

“Jaeger, L/N. Can you continue to serve as a soldier, using your titan powers to benefit humanity?”

“Yes, I can!” Eren spoke clearly, the judges cold gaze shifting to you, “Yes, sir.”

“But the report on Trost’s defense says this... ‘Immediately after turning into a titan, Eren swung his fist at Mikasa Ackerman.’” You sucked in a breath and looked to Eren, his eyes extended as he looked to Mikasa. Of course, he doesn’t remember.

“Is Mikasa Ackerman present?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“You are Ackerman? Is it true that, as a titan, Jaeger attacked you?” The old man questioned her.

You sighed softly, ‘As if he can control it yet’ you thought angrily in your mind.

“Yes, its true.”

Gasps of terror rung throughout the court, all eyes falling on Eren in a deathly glare.

“I knew it... He’s just another titan.”

“What about the girl!” Another protested as your head whipped to them, sending a glare to them.

“But, on two previous occasions, Eren saved my life in his titan form. The first time, mere seconds before a titan would have had me in its grasp, he stood between us, protecting me. The second time, he saved Armin and me from an HE shell. I would like these facts to be considered aswell.”

“I object,”

“I believe these comments are greatly colored by her personal feelings. At an early age, Mikasa Ackerman lost her parents and was taken in by the Jaeger household.” Well haven’t you done your homework, you pondered with a small frown.

“Our investigation had also revealed a surprising fact about the underlying events. At age nine, Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman killed three robbers who tried to kidnap her.”

More gasps could be heard as the news entered their ears, you shook your head. ‘What stupid fucking evidence to have, like they had a choice’ you considered furiously in your mind.

“Even if it was self defense, I must question their fundamental humanity. Is it right to entrust humanity’s fate, resources, and lives to him?”

Whispering and arguing broke out between the different sides, turning their heads to their fellow comrades to spew hatred. What a loss. Losing to this mans ugly mouth. You hung your head and sighed quietly.

“So is she. Do we know if we can trust her!” Referring to you as he pointed. “That’s right! Just to be safe we should dissect her too!” He looked to Mikasa next.

“Wait!” Yelled Eren and looked up to the man, “I may be a monster, but they have nothing to do with it! Nothing at all!” Eren defended as you watched, his spit flying from his mouth as he spoke from his soul. Your heart clenching in pitifulness as you frowned sadly.

“We can’t trust that!”

“It’s true!”

“If you’re covering for them, it means they’re one of you!”

“No!” He screamed and slammed his handcuffs against the metal pole, looking down in defeat, “I mean, you are wrong. But you’re simply coming up with theories that fit, whatever it suits you to fit.”

“Eren..” You said softly as you stared at him, your eyes in pain for him. He was so much braver than you and it gave you courage to see him so persistent.

Looking up you began to speak, “Besides, all of you people. You’ve never seen a titan! What are you so afraid of? What is your point if you do not have the power to fight? If you’re afraid to fight for humanity’s survival then, help us!” Your voice getting increasingly louder as you glared at the pathetic people who called themselves the Military Police.

“Just shut up and trust us!” You yelled your last statement and looked up to the judge, your chest panting heavily as you meant every word.

“Weapons ready!” The Commander of the Military Police shouted while his cadet set his gun on the railing and pointed it to you.

Until your face snapped to the right and pain shot through your nerves, your vision blurred instantly. Metal was all you tasted. A tooth had even managed to fall from your mouth and rolled onto the ground. You blinked to dimish the haziness and looked to your striker.

Levi Ackerman

“Huh?—“

His steel pointed boot slammed across your face again. Your back slamming against the pole behind you. Blood trickled down your nose and down to your chin, dropping onto the floor. Your blood had even splattered small droplets along the stone flooring.

Levi grabbed your collar and shoved you forwards to him. The handcuffs clanging against the pole as Levi stared down at you, his frigid glare locking eyes with your beaten ones before slamming his knee into the side of your head, sending it flying.

Pain. So much pain. It was burning you alive from the inside as all you could do was endure it. Tch, this guy’s a dick.

“Y/N!” Eren screamed from the opposite end. Hatred and worry evident in his tone as he struggled against his own cuffs, “Stop it!” Eren attempted again as all he could do was watch his friend get beaten to the brink of death.

Levi continued to sock you with his boot, giving you zero remorse as he beat the girl below him. Mikasa glared and got ready to jump the railing before Armin held her back.

Blood streamed down your face, a large puddle had began to form under you. You gasped for air before Levi lifted his leg high and stomped down on your head into the puddle of your demise. Grimacing at the filth and pain, all you did was lay there. If someone wasn’t looking hard enough, they’d assume you were already dead.

Croaks of pain left your body as his boot remained on your head, struggling to breath as blood trickled down your nose and into your mouth, unintentionally swallowing.

“This is a personal opinion. But I believe pain to be the best way to train someone. What you need is to be trained like a dog, not a man.”

Your rigid breathes left your mouth as you stared straight at Eren, his eyes meeting yours as he seemed to become visibly furious. Bruised and cuts tracked your once pretty, soft skin. Blood now coating all the crevices in your face.

“It’s easier to kick you while you’re kneeling, too.”

Levi lifted his boot and slammed it into the side of your head once again, giving you no time to breathe he stomped it back onto the cold ground again. Repeating his tourtue when he kicked your head all over again.

Strangled breaths was all you could muster, along with the rattling of the handcuffs as you were thrown around like trash, filling the silence of the fearful court room.

Kick. Kick, Kick.

All anyone could do was watch your doom, “Wait, Levi...”

Your head was pushed against the pole with his boot flat on your face as he turned his head to the one speaking, “What is it?”

His boot fell from your face as you hunched forwards, croaking as you gasped for air, blood trickling down the sides of your mouth.

“That’s dangerous... What if she gets angry and turns into a titan?”

You slowly tilted your head up to Levi, hair falling away from your face and resting on your shoulders. The raven head stared at you for a moment, then shoved his boot back onto your face and slamming it against the pole.

“What are you saying?” Levi dropped his leg again and gripped a fistful your hair, violently pulling you to his face as your eyes struggled to remain open from extreme bruising.

“Aren’t you going to dissect her?” He dropped your hair and stood straight, peering down to your defeated and beaten figure.

“When she turned into a titan last time, she killed twenty other titans before collapsing. If she is an enemy, her intelligence makes her a more formidable foe. Still no match for me, of course.”

Levi gazed to the Military Police, “But what will you do? Anyone persecuting her should also consider that fact. Do you really think you can kill her?” Levi spoke cooly as he stood infront of you, staring you down.

From afar you heard others speak, but your heartbeat clogged your ears as it deafened any other noise. Staring at Levi’s boots infront of you, you noted your blood coating the bottom before gently shutting your eyelids.

You could only hear Levi as he spoke from ahead of you, “I’m certain I can kill her. The only problem is I doubt I can do any less.” Levi proposed.

Hearing the pound of the desk above you, the judge made his decision. But you’d never make out what he proposed.

Footsteps stepped back from ahead of you as new ones came from behind you, uncuffing you and lifting the pole.

You tumbled forwards onto the unwelcoming ground, cautiously opening your eyes to the glaring sunlight that entered through the windows.

Eren ran to you, crouching down infront of you as you saw him shout words at you. He picked your head up in his hands and cradled you in his lap, checking for your pulse.

Your eyes began to shut again, your head lulling to the side to spot the raven head. Levi stared at you from afar, his arms crossed over his chest. The last thing you saw was the ravens dark gaze before your eyes rolled and all you saw was darkness.

be real, we all wish we were the ones being kicked

[lovelybnhaimagines]

Youngblood

Summery: You and Bakugo had just broken up, and you are in pain because of it. Your friends try to make you feel better, but the memories of your relationship haunt you. You didn't know what to do

Notes:Hey guys! I wrote this on the side of my other works. I was listening to Youngblood by 5SOS and was heavily inspired to write this fic. You should listen to it while reading. Or before. Or after. It might be a little f!reader, but I tried to keep in GN

Pairing: Bakugo/Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, Unhealthy Relationship

You don’t remember how many days it’s been since you and Bakugo broke up. Your heart still hurts every time you look at the photos you’ve taken. The clothes he left at your apartment still smell like him.

The words that were said still stung. You tried not to think about it.

After mopping in your bed, you got up to see one of your favorite photos on your dresser. You went to the beach with Bakugo.

“Katsuki! Quit moving. If I don’t apply it all, you’re going to get sunburnt!”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” He was grumpy. Bakugo didn’t really care for the beach, but he saw how excited you were for the trip, “You sure you want to hang out here?”

“Of course! We can collect seashells, and we can play in the water,” you finish rubbing the sunscreen on his skin. The shade protected you until you ventured out to begin your vacation. Even though he didn’t want to be here, he followed you pretty quickly.

You walked across the shoreline picking up every pretty shell that you saw. You remembered a crab being under one of those shells, and you freaked out, running to Bakugo for protection. He got a smirk on his face, picked up the crab, and began to chase you with it.

“Katsuki, stop it!” You laughed through your panting breath. You knew he wouldn’t really let the crab hurt you, but this is just how he was. One minute he’d be grumpy and unenthusiastic about anything; but with you, it was different. Bakugo was sweet and playful.

He dropped the crab and sprinted. He was faster than you, so he caught up. You were swept off your feet, being held in his arms. You were surprised thus you let out a shriek. It quickly became laughter though.

“That’s not funny, Katsuki,” You hit him on his chest, but he just shook his head.

“Your too cute in your bathing suit for me not to pick you up and cuddle.” You blushed. Though you didn’t know he walked into the ocean until the warm water hit your legs.

By the time you realized, he threw you in.

“Katsuki!” You were playfully mad, and you started to splash water at him.

“This is childish.”

“You’re the one who started it.”

The rest of the day was filled with the same kind of fun and excitement. You ate at so many good restaurants and went to the carnival. He got you a bear to which you said it looked like him. A big ol grumpy bear.

You still had it.

You place the photo back on the dresser, trying to suppress the memory of being with him.

You heard your phone ding, and you saw that it was from Mina.

You still doing ok?

It sucked that she was still in Bakugo’s friend group. So was all of your friends. Even though they would still be friends with him, you didn’t want to lose them.

Yeah, I think so

Well, you want to go out tonight?

Will Bakugo be there?

Of course not! It’ll be just us and everyone else. We just want to cheer you up.

That sounded like fun. It might help you take your mind off of Bakugo. Sending a text back to Mina, you threw your phone on the bed. After a couple of days, you finally took your first shower.

After finally trying to get the depression off of you, you put fresh clothes on yourself. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you saw your eyes were still red and puffy. There wasn’t anything you could do about it, and you fought back tears already. Bakugo would be here to tell you how sexy you looked. It didn’t matter what you wore. He would tell it to you every time.

Rubbing your eyes, you went into the kitchen and finally ate your first healthy meal in a while, reliving your stomach from digesting terrible food.

For once, you started to feel better.

--

You met up with Mina in front of the bar. She waved you down. Walking over to her, you gave her a big hug. It felt like an eternity, but it had only been a few days. You gave small talk, mainly telling her you were alright. It was a half-truth and a half-lie.

Walking in, you saw familiar faces that made you smile: Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero.

“Hey guys! It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, I know. Long time no see,” Kirishima gave you a comforting hug. Kaminari and Sero gave you a pat on the back. You and Mina sat next to them on their left. You looked over at Kaminari, and he looked panicked, like he was scared the world was about to end.

“Hey Kaminari, you’ve missed me that much? Why do you look like I’m about to bite you?”

“Because you are.” A familiar voice that made your heart drop to your stomach. It was Bakugo that came back from what you presumed the bathroom, “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Kaminari!” Mina shouted also panicked.

“I thought we were meeting up with (y/n) on another night!”

“No, it’s fine. Me and Bakugo can be civil about this.”

“Yeah, fucking right, you’ll just break down and cry. Just like you did at everything else.”

You bite your lip, trying to hold back venomous words. His face made you sick, and you felt like you were about to vomit.

“We can go to another bar!” Mina said trying to save it.

“No, I want to hang out with my friends. It’ll be his fault if we have a bad night.”

“Whatever bitch.” It stung. The Bakugo you knew would never call you that. You guessed people do change.

You both sat back at the bar. It became awkward; no one said anything. The bar tender asked what you wanted.

“A dirty shirley, please.”

“I see you still drink that shitty drink.”

“Why don’t you shut up for once?”

“Guys!” Kirishima interjected this time, “Hey, have you seen that new superhero movie? All Might is such a great character.”

That seemed to steer the conversation away from an argument. You turned to Mina, and the group became segregated. You only talked to her for most of the night, but you could still hear Bakugo’s voice. You missed it so much.

--

“Thank you for bringing me out tonight Mina; I had a good time.” A lie. You wanted to go back to your apartment and just break down in bed again. Going out was a mistake.

“Yeah,” Mina didn’t sound convinced, “hey, why don’t we go shopping tomorrow? Get away from these boys.” She said the last line jokingly, but a part of you didn’t want to leave the boys tonight.

“Sure.”

“Yay, girls day!” Kaminari jokingly said, pretending as if he was going with you.

“Why would you want to go with her?” Bakugo finally pushed you over the edge.

“Why don’t you get your head out of your ass and act normally?”

“I am acting normally. You’re the one who’s too sensitive. Always upset about something.”

“You’re insulting me! You think I’ll take that lying down.”

“You take a lot of stuff lying down.” You saw red when he saw that. You walked over and slapped him across the face.

“Shut the fuck up Bakugo!” He looked at you. You could tell he was more upset about you calling him by his last name. You quickly walked out of the bar with Mina following you. There was someone else following you.

“Why the fuck are you still here?” It was Bakugo, following you into the street, “Why do you have to hang out with my friends? Oh wait, you’re too much of a bitch to make more friends.”

“I don’t know why they’re still friends with you. You’re nothing but a big dick who doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy.”

You turned around to walk away from the bar, wanting to anywhere but there. The tears were already falling down your cheek. Your voice was starting to crack and waver.

“I don’t even know why you’re still here if I hurt you that much.” You stopped at that line and turned around to face Bakugo. His face was softer, “Tell me to fuck off. You want me out of your life”

You couldn’t. You wanted him to be here with you.

“Or tell me you want me back in your life.” You started to breath heavy, unable to get any words out. You didn’t know how to answer.

“Figures,” Bakugo walked away at your lack of response. You crumbled to the ground, squatting down with your head in your hands. Mina was quick to comfort you; the sound of her high heels brought you out of your anxiety attack.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” She said helping you to stand up. She called a taxi and both of you got in.

The tears finally stopped. You were able to see the passing streetlights on the way back to your apartment.

Mina walked up with you and helped you get ready for bed. She tried to find a t-shirt that wasn’t Bakugo’s, but she was having a hard time. Finally, she settled on this shirt you got from high school. It was a little tighter than it used to be, but it was the only thing you could wear.

“Give me a call if anything happens. I’m only a phone call away. I’ll come get you in the morning so we can go to the mall.” Mina leaned down to give you a kiss on the forehead. It was comforting. Bakugo used to do it to you.

She left. For now, she had Bakugo’s spare key to make sure she could check on you.

You rolled around your bed, before you checked your phone. It was apologies from the rest of the group. They thought you would hang out with them another night and should’ve remined Mina. You responded to each of them so they wouldn’t worry about you.

You scrolled down social media and got a dumb idea. You scrolled down Bakugo’s, trying to find something to give you closure. It didn’t. You saw he didn’t even change his relationship status. You knew he didn’t use it much, but it still surprised you that he hasn’t put it to single.

You fell asleep, only to wake up to your phone ring. You must’ve fallen asleep with it in your hands.

It was Bakugo’s number. You’re heart became elated that he called you.

“What do you want?” You said, cursing yourself for sounding a bit to mean.

There was some silence. You could hear people in what sounded like a bar. Bakugo must not have left. You checked the time, seeing that a couple of hours have passed.

“Hello? What do you want?” You asked again, hoping to get a response this time.

“Nothing.” The word was slurred, then the line disconnected.

Your heart deflated. You couldn’t even cry more than you already had that night.

--

You arrived at the mall. Mina tried her hardest to make you happier. She would take you to a store that sold bath bombs, and you bought some that smelt nice. Ones that didn’t remind you of Bakugo.

Eventually, you ended up at one of Mina’s favorite department stores. It was a nice one, where someone was actually playing a piano in the store. Mina picked out some clothes out and dragged you to the dressing room where she promptly went in to try some of the dresses.

“Isn’t this cute?” Mina said coming out of the dressing room with a sundress on. You nodded in agreement. She tried to give you clothes for you to try on, but her efforts were futile.

She noticed that you still weren’t happy. Going back to take the clothes off, she came back out to clasp your hands in hers, “Why don’t we get some ice cream? We can get wine on the way back to your apartment?”

You nodded your head. You felt bad for staying quiet the entire trip to the mall.

You both walked to the food court and wait in line to get some ice cream. Mina was talking to you (or you should say at you).

In a moment, your heart stopped. You saw Bakugo, and you could say what you wanted to say to him. When you turned around, it wasn’t him.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head at a worried Mina, “It’s nothing.”

It wasn’t nothing. You kept seeing him in the strangers around you, causing you to feel like you’ve gone crazy.

You both decided to grab the ice cream to go and grab wine in the convenience store by the mall.

You tried to make small talk, but your words felt superficial.

They felt empty once more.

When you got back to the apartment, you both decided to order a pizza, watch shitty chick flicks, and cuddle under a fuzzy blanket. It was comforting.

So was the wine. Mina got a big bottle of it, and you kept drinking glass after glass.

“Hey, shouldn’t you slow down?” Mina’s voice was full of concern. You shrugged your shoulders in response.

“Maybe I should, but it’s nice,” you said. It finally gave you a nice, fuzzy feeling in your core. It was something other than pain.

Eventually it got too much, the pain came back full force, and you became a crying mess. You fell down into Mina’s lap wailing.

“Why doesn’t he want me anymore? Why does he hate me now?” You screamed. Mina just petted your hair, trying to give some comfort, ���I want him so bad.”

“I know baby,” she said; her voice was full of concern, “No more wine for you. I should put you to bed.”

And that’s what she did. Once more, she put you to bed, but this time she stayed with you. It wasn’t unusual for her to stay over and sleep in your bed. The place where Bakugo used to sleep.

Your eyes that were sore started to close. You felt yourself sleep but not dream.

When you woke up, it was still dark. You felt more oriented and aware. The alcohol must have worn off. Your phone read it was around 2AM. You didn’t want to disturb Mina, so you left the bedroom.

When you saw the bottle, you were surprised how much you drank and how you weren’t sick right now.

You sat down on the couch, covering yourself with the fuzzy blanket that was left there.

You took your phone to scroll down your social media feed. There were so many pictures of your friends who were in happy relationships, but you kept seeing Bakugo’s face. No matter what photo, he was there.

The pain kept coming back to stab your heart. You felt like you were bleeding out. You then remembered that Bakugo called you yesterday.

Mina would be so upset, but you clicked his name to dial him back. You kept hearing rings and then voice mails. You kept calling, over and over.

Finally, you got an answer.

“Yes?” He was fully awake and didn’t sound concern.

“I miss you.” Was all you said, then he hung up on you. You expected as much.

--

“Well, I gotta go to work,” Mina said holding your hands. You both were standing in the archway of the entrance to your apartment, “Will you be ok?”

“Yeah, I will be.” Another lie. Even though she didn’t look convinced, she left. You closed the door and fell on the couch, burying your head in one of the cushions. Instead of good memories like the other day, you remembered the fight that started this all.

Bakugo tried to love on you. He was kissing your neck. You enjoyed it, but you didn’t want it to go where he wanted it to go.

“Hey Katsuki,” you started. He gave a hum in response, letting you know he was listening, “Can we do this another night?”

He got off you and rolled his eyes, sitting up. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” His voice sounded annoyed. You furrow your brows, getting frustrated yourself.

“It’s obviously not nothing. What’s wrong?” Your voice was stern. Sitting up on the couch, you looked at him with intent. He stayed silent, “Goddamn it Katsuki, out with it.”

“’Out with it’” he mocked you, “Why do you always need to know why I’m frustrated? You should be able to figure it out yourself.”

“Well sorry I want clarity. Is this over sex?”

“Fuck no. I just hate you never thinking about me. You always pry at me when you need something. You need me for this. You need me for that.” He motioned his hands to match his words, “Do you ever ask what I want?”

You didn’t realize that you hadn’t. “That doesn’t mean I don’t care Katsuki.”

“I know you care, but my god isn’t it fucking annoying,” he got up off the couch to storm off. You followed him.

“Where are you going?”

“Isn’t obvious, I’m in the bedroom.” You felt more warmth building in your body, feeling it warmest and tightest in your core.

“I know that, but why are you walking away from me?”

“You want to know everything don’t you. You can’t figure anything out for yourself?” Your mouth slacked open not knowing how to respond. He paced around the room, running his hands through his hair.

“At least I care,” you started shouting, “What’s wrong with you Katsuki?”

“Sometimes I just want to be left alone, but no you have to come follow my ass like puppy.”

You started feeling tears well up in your eyes, “Are you calling me a dog?”

“No, I just-“ He clenched his fists, “You just don’t understand me.”

“I do understand-“

‘No you fucking don’t. You’re only concerned about what you want in this relationship. Maybe I should compare you to a dog, because you’re a bitch!”

“You’re calling me a bitch? Why don’t you look at yourself in the mirror and see what a massive dick you’re being?” Your voice was starting to break. You felt pins and needles in your arms, shaking them unconsciously as well, “I put a lot of care in this relationship. And you’re saying I don’t?”

“You know what, you don’t. I’ve been telling you that you only care about yourself, and look what you do. You’re only concerned about you.”

“Oh my god, you keep blaming me. You’re the one who started this all!”

“No, it was you! You’re the one who chased after me, thinking you could solve this now.”

The tears were now falling down your cheeks, and your jaw started to clench. “I care about this relationship. You think I want this to fall apart.” Your words were said through your teeth.

“Yes, I actually think you fucking do.” Bakugo shouted even more. You’re sure your neighbors were going to put in a noise complaint in the morning, “I do most of the work in this relationship, and you just pretend everything is ok. You didn’t even notice how I was fucking feeling this entire time. You were just in your own little world. You know why, cause you’re a bitch, and you’ll always be one.”

You walked up to him and smacked him across the face; he then grabbed your arms and pinned you against the door, “You think you’re so tough?”

You spit on his face, and that was it. He stormed out and never came back.

You wished you could take it all back. You wish you could do it over.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. You open it to see Bakugo.

“Kat- I mean, Bakugo, what are you doing here?” He looked annoyed and started to lean against the door frame.

“You called me last night. Well, I’m here.” His words were softer than you expected.

“Well, I don’t know what to say-“ you started.

“You’re the one who said you missed me.” He didn’t look you in the eye, “So what do you want?”

You didn’t know what to say. He mumbled something under his breath and started to walk away. You panicked.

“Wait! Don’t go.” You reached out to him. He came back and looked you in the eye.

“What do you want?” he repeated. You swallow the knot that developed in your throat.

“I don’t know.”

“Then it’s over.” He said walking away again. This time, he didn’t come back.

You closed the door and cried about your relationship finally being over for good

[miss-authorcita]

A/N: So, I'm obsessed (once again) with Taylor's Fearless album and I've decided to write one shots of each of the songs. They probably won't be that good cause I'm literally just writing them down and posting them. (No spellcheck, no beta reader, no nothing) I just wanna get back to writing and this came to mind.

SUMMARY: It's been almost 2 years since Civil War. You and Steve have grown closer while on the run, but you can't help missing the roller coaster love you and Tony shared. (Inspired by: That's The Way I Loved You)

I was sitting by the window of my ratty Motel room, simply staring at the wet cobblestones of the empty street barely lit up by two lamp lights. My thoughts kept drowning me, it was a new thing with me when I was alone. I made so many mistakes in my life and now the solitude seemed to bring them all to the forefront of my mind.

A knock brought me out of my stupor and I was instantly in alert, gun out of its holster and aiming towards the door.

"Y/N, it's me and Nat." Steve's voice was heard muffled by the wood.

I relaxed, letting my shoulders fall. I reholstered my gun and unlocked the door, letting both of them step into my room. As soon as I locked the door behind them Steve pulled me by the waist and kissed me. Just a quick peck. I blushed and stepped away.

"I got you something." He smiled and pulled out a packet of skittles from his pocket.

I couldn't help, but smile. "I haven't had these in years not since..." I trailed off not wanting to mention his name.

Steve nodded and kissed my forehead.

"I have to stop by Wanda's and Sam's just to check in. I'll be back later tonight, alright?"

I nodded still staring at the bag of skittles in my hand. Steve opened the door and waited for Nat to walk by first. She stopped beside me and squeezed my forearm making me look up. She gave me her signature side smirk. She always voiced her support. She was mine and Steve's biggest shipper.

After the two of them left, I waited till I couldn't hear their footsteps anymore before collapse on the bed. Once again, while in solitude, I let the memories of my mistakes flood my mind.

It was a few hours later when Steve knocked on my door again. I opened and stepped to the side to let him in. He locked up and once again pulled me towards him by my waist. This time he just holds me.

"I know this life is hard. I know how hard...how difficult leaving was..." He's hesitant with his words, always sensible and caring of my feelings.

I just nod, unable to use words, afraid I'll just start sobbing.

"You know I'm doing everything I can to make this as easy for you as possible, right?"

I pull back and stare up at him. I let my hand caress his bearded jaw as I look deep into his blue eyes. "I know, Steve and I appreciate it so much" I whisper and stand on my tip toes to kiss him.

I fall asleep in his arms that night like many before and again like many times before we have to leave suddenly. Sam is the one to wake us, urgently banging on the door. We'd been tracked and we needed to move out quickly. All of us are out of the building in less that 15 minutes. We head to our cars and Steve opens up my door, helping me step in like a true gentleman.

"You look beautiful tonight." He says with a grin and I roll my eyes with a chuckle and close the door. He jogs to the driver side, and we're all off to find our next hideout.

The ride is long and before I know it I've fallen asleep.

*

"Tony!" I yell as soon as the elevator doors open. "Tony Stark!" I shout once again.

"What!? What!? Why are you shouting?" He asks, coming out of the kitchen. His hair is wet , he's wearing a black tank top and sweats and holding a bag of chips.

"Why am I shouting!? Have you seen the news!?" I yell again. His confused face only makes me madder. The rage is building like the rain and thunder outside like it's mimicking my mood.

"I was showering...so no?" He smiles and that is the last straw. I explode, my voice basically shrill.

"All the news channels are showing the explosion! The one of the building you and the Avengers were in! They don't show you guys coming out of it! I called Tony!"

"Sweetheart, I'm fine. I'm alive." He says like my tone isn't a very obvious clue to my state of mind.

"You didn't answer when I called! You what? Came home, showered and were gonna eat fucking chips! Did you even think to let me know you were okay!?" I couldn't seem to lower my voice even if I wanted to. I was so upset.

"I was gonna call you as soon as I sat on the couch." He excuses.

"Fuck you, Tony Stark!" I hissed and started walking to the elevator to leave.

"Friday close access to the elevators." Tony said as he made his way towards me. I dodged him and made my way to the doors that led to the hall.

"Friday if you could, please." At his command the padlock turned red, obviously meaning they would not open, at least not for me.

We stood a few feet apart, me glaring and him smirking. I must've lost my mind that night because I looked out towards his Ironman platform and made a run for it. He followed me out, both of us instantly soaked by the rain. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to face him.

"Are you insane!? What was your plan!? To jump off of the building!?" He yelled over the roar of the rain.

"You're the one who locked all other exits."

"I was bloodied, bruised and covered in soot and cement and dust, okay!?" His change of tactic threw me.

"What?" My eyes were wide. This whole conversation was an unpredictable rollercoaster.

"That's why I didn't call you. I...didn't want to scare you. I don't want you to worry eveytime I go save the world...So I came here, hid the suit, cleaned up and then I was going to call you."

"I always worry about you, Tony."

He sighed and looked away from me. I'd always known his fear. He lost Pepper because she couldn't handle his Ironman life, so he tried to keep me out of the loop thinking he was helping, but it wasn't.

I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around him. "Call me. It helps me to know how you are. Even if you're bleeding out." I said locking eyes with him

He chuckled. "I'll be sure to do that. I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, you insufferable man."

And with a laugh he kissed me in the rain at 2am we were so in love back then.

*

"We're here." Steve's voice roused me up from my dream, or more like memory.

"Where is he? I mean 'here.' Where is here?" I ask still groggy.

"One of Nat's safe houses." Steve fills in and starts unloading the car.

I'm not sure if it was the dream, but the memory of Tony crushed my mood. Steve must've noticed my shift because he asked if I wanted to sleep alone tonight and I agreed. They're so different that sometimes it's shocking to me. Steve respects my space, Tony was always there even when I didn't want him to, but always needed. Steve has never made me wait, Tony was known for being late. I started telling him the wrong time to try and trick him into arriving on time. They're opposites. Steve gets along so well with Nat who is basically my sister, while her and Tony were never the best of friends. Steve is just charming and endearing and even while being on the run for almost 2 years he's managed to make me feel comfortable. But I can't help it, I miss Tony.

It's while sitting on my bed alone, opening my bag of skittles that the tears come as I remember him. I fall asleep, sobbing that night.

*

I had been sitting in the couch for an hour. Dressed amazing if I may add. Heels and everything which I hated and he wasn't here. He was always so late and I was more than frustrated. I heard the elevator doors open and I didn't even glance. I was gonna strangle the man.

"I know I'm late. I'm sorry, I was--"

I interrupted his apology "Let me guess, you got tied up in the lab? Again."

"Actually no."

His answer suprised me and I turned to glare at him, but my eyes widened when I saw him holding a huge jar full of red skittles.

"W-what is that?"

He smiled and walked closer to me, setting the jar on the table next to the couch.

"I know you only like eating the red ones so ta-da."

I laughed. "Are these the reason you were late or are these a gift to make up for being late?"

"A little bit of both? I forgot to pick the order up earlier today...cause I got tied up at the lab...so I went to pick them up after and that's why I'm late."

I sighed and kissed him. "You drive me insane."

"But that's the way you love me." He teased.

I nodded and kissed him. That's the way I loved him.

*

As I sit outside with Steve, leaning on his chest, I can't help but wonder if he knows. My smiles aren't real, and I've gone numb over the months. I barely feel anything anymore. The numbness worsened after we started whatever this is. Steve has always been looking for someone to fill the emptiness since Peggy and conveniently I needed a balm for the pain of losing Tony. We weren't in love, or at least I hoped he didn't love me...because my heart doesn't feel anything anymore.

*

"You're...you're siding with him?" The crack in his voice made me wince.

"Tony, I can't sign the Accords."

"Why not!?"

"You know what being under the governments control has done to me!" He knew of my past, of the millions of tests I was subjected to, the betrayal, the rules that were only there to hurt me. I'd confided in him every dark moment.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "We need to be held accountable." He repeated to me what he'd said at the conference room.

"I know, but not like this. Tony--" I went to touch him and he flinched away. That simple move broke my heart.

"If you side with him, it'll break us."

"Tony..."

He locked eyes with me, begging me to stay, but I didn't. I couldn't and I lost him.

*

I had decided that morning that I needed to talk to Steve. He was my friend before we became anything more and even if it meant making our runaways situation awkward, I needed to be honest with him. I couldn't keep sleeping wrapped in his arms. He needed to know that my heart belonged to Tony. He needed to know that I spent my days dreaming up plans of how I could see him without getting arrested. He needed to know that I looked for him in every person we passed by. He needed to know...or at least I needed to tell someone. I took a deep breath and started walking towards him when a ring broke the peaceful morning silence.

He looked at the number on his burner phone before locking eyes with me. "It's Tony."

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Ateez: Another Member Doesn't Like You

Kim Hongjoong:

Hongjoong couldn't understand why his best friend didn't seem to take a liking to you. He thought Seonghwa was just shy and that's why he avoided you. But every time he said you were coming over, Seonghwa would only roll his eyes or let out an angry huff. Hongjoong preferred not to tell you, he didn't want to make you upset. And he didn't know how to talk to Seonghwa about it.

But you weren't stupid. You noticed the glares Seonghwa would often direct at you. You decided to do something about it. Every time you came over, you made sure to clean up all the mess the boys made, not wanting to stress Seonghwa out more than he was. If dishes needed to be done, you offered to do them, making sure to arrange them the way Seonghwa liked, not messing up the system he had. He did notice your efforts and he felt like an ass for being rude to you.

"I'm sorry for not being very welcoming to you at first Y/N. Truthfully I was just cautious of you, I'm just overprotective of my friends, but that's not an excuse for my behavior. Thank you for all you've done for us, for Hongjoong. You make him really happy."

Hongjoong overheard your conversation when you two were cleaning the kitchen one night and he felt very happy to know you two made peace. He felt lucky to have someone as understanding and patient like you. He ended up talking about it with you when you were alone.

"I'm sorry I never said anything to Seonghwa, I should have told him to stop since the beginning. But thank you for not getting angry with him or losing your temper. And it means a lot to me that you are getting along now."

Park Seonghwa:

"Seonghwa, I think Hongjoong doesn't like me." You told him one day.

"Awww come on. I'm sure it's not like that. He's just been stressed out recently, it's nothing." Your boyfriend tried to assure you.

But the more he paid attention, the more he realized there might be some truth to your words.

"Going out with Y/N again?" Hongjoong asked him one day he saw Seonghwa was getting ready.

"Yeah, we're going on a date." Seonghwa told him.

Hongjoong scoffed. "Whatever. Just make sure to pick up some milk on your way back. It's almost out."

Seonghwa noticed the tone in Hongjoong's voice and didn't like it one bit. Putting down his brush, he turned to his friend and crossed his arms.

"Ok, what the hell is your problem?" Seonghwa finally asked him.

Hongjoong only shrugged at him. "It's whatever, just go on your fucking date and get it over with."

Seonghwa walked up to Hongjoong and made him face him. Soon it was nothing but yelling between them two, Seonghwa accusing him of hating you for no reason.

"It's not your fucking girlfriend/boyfriend ok?! It's how much time you spend with them! I get it, you're not in charge of producing music for the group, I am, and I get you don't get to see Y/N that much and every second with them is precious to you, but I already have a lot of stress on my shoulders and I used to always count on you to help me take care of the others, but now I have to do that as well cause you barely have time anymore and it's too much for me."

Seonghwa felt bad for his friend, he finally understood that Hongjoong was just stressed and pressured too much.

"I'm sorry Hongjoong. Truly I am. I didn't know you felt that way. I promise I'll try to find a way to make things easier for you. But you shouldn't have taken it out on Y/N, they're not at fault here."

Hongjoong nodded. "Yeah I know. I'm sorry. I'll apologize to them when they come over."

Seonghwa smiled and put his arm around Hongjoong's shoulder.

"Why don't you come along with us? You look like you need a break."

Jeong Yunho:

Yunho remembers the day you met his group members. He also remembers the faces you and Mingi made when you saw each other.

"You?!" You both exclaimed at each other.

As it turned out, Mingi and you had a past of being enemies when you two were in school. Always trying to one up each other and making the other's life miserable, you both ended up in detention together several times for all the antics you pulled.

"Baby come on. I promise Mingi isn't the cocky, annoying jock you knew."

"Mingi, I promise Y/N isn't the stuck up, bratty goody two shoes teacher's pet you knew."

That's what he would constantly tell the two of you and often tried to make you two get along, always failing and resulting in you two arguing over the tiniest of things. Yunho always felt sad when it happened. He just wanted the two people closest to him to get along. He often tried to play off your banters with humor, but you both noticed the sad tone in his voice.

So one day, you called Mingi over, deciding to put an end to it.

"Look, we both messed up and we're being immature. We're adults now and our actions are only hurting Yunho and he doesn't deserve that. So ..... even though it'll be hard, can we try to have a civil relationship between us so he doesn't feel bad?"

"For once, I actually agree with you."

You and Mingi shook hands, your agreement finally in place. And Yunho couldn't be happier than finding out you two left your history in the past. He was ecstatic.

"Yay! Maybe now Mingi could join us on our dates!" Yunho suggested.

"Absolutely not. Don't push it."

"I am not about to be the third wheel here!"

Yunho laughed. "Ok, a little rough patches still, but at least now you guys are agreeing more than before. Right?"

Kang Yeosang:

If there's one thing that made Yeosang happier than chicken, it was you. He was so happy he found you, he felt like he finally found a piece of himself that was missing. So of course, he was excited to have the members meet you. They all seemed to love you and enjoy your company.

All except Wooyoung. For some odd reason, he didn't really seem to enjoy your company. He became oddly quiet when you were around, giving you weird looks whenever you got close to Yeosang. Later on, it turned to snappy comments.

"Yah! Stop hovering all over poor Yeosang. He doesn't like that stuff."

"Don't pinch his cheeks, he hates it."

"Don't pet him like that! He's not a puppy!"

Honestly, no one knew what the heck was up with him. Seonghwa only smirked every time you two talked about it.

"Don't you see? He's jealous." Was what he told you one day.

Neither one of you understood what he meant. Jealous of Yeosang or you? And why?

Seonghwa rolled his eyes at you two and your cluelessness.

"Wooyoung has been your friend for almost 6 years, yet you've never allowed him to show you affection, you've always pushed him off. But you display all forms of PDA with Y/N and it makes him mad cause you're not like that with him. Get it now?"

That's when it finally clicked with both of you. It all made sense now. To keep peace, you both limited your PDA in front of the others and you even suggested to Yeosang to allow Wooyoung to hug him every once in a while.

"Let Wooyoung hug me?" He raised an eyebrow at you.

"Yeah. And even let him cuddle you sometimes."

Yeosang stayed silent, thinking about it for a bit.

"I'm.....not sure."

"Oh come on! How bad can it be? It's just Wooyoung." You assured him.

"Yeah, Wooyoung. Do you not know how clingy he is?"

Choi San:

San was at a lost. Jongho was usually well behaved and never caused problems, so why was he being like this with you? No he never insulted you or was outright rude to you. But he often decided to leave the room if you were there, even hearing San talk about you seemed to put him on edge. Jongho was fine with you at the beginning, so what the hell happened?

San once asked you if you and Jongho ever argued, to which you said no and honestly, you thought you rarely saw him because he was busy or tired. You didn't think that he was avoiding you on purpose.

San sat the maknae down one day when they were alone. He straight up asked him if there was something wrong, maybe there was a misunderstanding between you two. Jongho only sighed and looked down at his feet.

"I'm sorry Hyung....."

San was taken aback by his words.

"Sorry for what?"

That's how Jongho confessed everything: how he was avoiding you and all conversations about you because he realized he started developing feelings for you and he felt it was inappropriate and disrespectful to you, to San and to your guys' relationship. San was in shock at hearing him say that, he was speechless for a while. Jongho felt so bad, he actually teared up.

"Hyung I really am sorry. I swear I'll try to get over it and I'll never come between you two."

San nodded his head, he understood where Jongho was coming from. He wrapped an arm around him.

"Hey it's ok. I get it, we don't choose who we end up falling for. Thank you for being honest with me. I'm not mad. I swear."

San himself teared up at seeing the boy's tears. He gave him a tight hug, and assured him that he wouldn't tell you about this, Jongho didn't want you to know.

"I'll get over it. I know I will."

"Don't worry. One day you'll find someone too." San smiled at him.

Song Mingi:

"What do you mean you two already know each other?"

It was quite shocking to everyone to find out Yunho and you knew each other. But yes indeed you two knew each other. Both of you used to be in different dance schools, often meeting in competitions and let's just say it wasn't exactly a friendly environment. The rivalry between your teams was strong every time and there was never room for any hint of niceness between any of the members.

So naturally, both of you were on defense mode every time you two interacted. No harsh words were ever said, you two just stared at each other, silently cursing the other for coming back into your life.

"How bad could Yunho have been? He's practically harmless!" Mingi asked you one day.

"He always made fun of us with his friends! Often criticized every move I made."

Mingi also asked Yunho his side of the story.

"They were snobs. Often looking down at us just cause their dance academy was more fancy and expensive."

Mingi wasn't upset or angry that you two didn't get along. It made him more determined to get you two to get along. You both shared a passion for dancing, so why should it matter about what happened before?

Which is why he often dragged Yunho on your dates, it was awkward not just because you were rivals, but who the heck brings someone to third wheel on their date willingly?

His persistence paid off though when he invited you to one of their dance practices. They were all amazing, but you could definitely tell Yunho was on another level and that's exactly what you told him when they asked what you thought.

"You're really great. I can see why you're the main dancer."

"Thanks......do you wanna teach me that one choreo you guys performed at the last competition we were in? I really enjoyed it and you were amazing."

You smiled and agreed, both of you now relaxed and putting your past behind you.

"Omg! That's a great idea! Let's do it Friday! How's that sound?" Mingi exclaimed, overhearing you two.

"I don't remember including you? Do you Yunho?" You teased him.

"Nope." Yunho played along.

"I'm your boyfriend! And you're my friend! I have double reason to come!"

Jung Wooyoung:

Yeosang didn't like you and he made it clear as daylight. He'd often scoff at anything you said, roll his eyes at you or throw in one of his sarcastic comments at you. Wooyoung played it off as that's just how he was to anyone new he met. But days stretched to weeks, then months and he was still being an asshole to you.

It was a particularly bad day for you once and Yeosang made a comment that finally made you break and you started crying, startling everyone. Wooyoung was beyond furious at his so called best friend. After calming you down and taking you home, he sat Yeosang down.

"You're an asshole, I hope you realize that. Y/N has done nothing to you have they?"

Yeosang was silent cause that part was true. Wooyoung demanded an explanation for his behavior.

"I'm mad cause they're taking you away from me ok? I get you're in a relationship but you never spend time with me anymore and every night, you just talk and talk about how wonderful your boyfriend/girlfriend is and I..... I feel lonely ok? I miss my friend... and I felt they were taking you away from me..."

Yeosang finally got that out of his chest. Although Wooyoung understood his friend, that gave him no right to take it out on you. After more serious talking, Yeosang agreed to apologize to you, which he did the very next day. He even bought you your favorite food to make it up to you. He didn't immediately start hanging out with you though, he knew you probably needed space first. But after a while, the three of you started spending more time together. In fact, Yeosang and you had so much in common, you two ended up spending more time together than Wooyoung felt comfortable with.

"Hey! This isn't a 3 way relationship and much less between you two! So stop being so close cause I will get mad!"

Somehow Wooyoung doesn't know if it was a good idea making you two make up.

Choi Jongho:

As soon as San and you locked eyes, it was tension between you two. You tried to avoid him, or if he was around you tried to be as civil as possible, but everyone could tell how awkward you were around him. San however was very stoic towards you, or extremely formal. He wasn't rude, but it was really clear that your presence bothered him.

Jongho asked you two often why, but neither of you wanted to say anything. He was at a loss. He talked about it with Seonghwa and Hongjoong, and they themselves couldn't get an answer out of them. So what the heck was it? Why are you two so tense with each other?

Wooyoung was nagging so much one day when you were all together. He kept asking why you two hardly talked and avoided each other, pestering you two on if you knew each other before and told you guys to be friends. It was so incessant that San finally cracked.

"Stop! Do you think either one of us want to talk about the fact we dated in school and had a rough break up?!"

Everyone went silent at the confession, you hid your face in one of your hands. Jongho was stunned and looked between you two.

"You....and San Hyung?" He pointed to you two.

"Yes Jongho. San and I dated before he became a trainee."

That was all you two were willing to say, neither one of you wanting to recall what happened before in the past. Jongho suddenly felt threatened. What if you still had feelings for him? What if he had feelings for you? What if you left him?

But those concerns were laid to rest when you both assured him it wouldn't happen.

"Look Jongho, what happened between us two stays between us, and it's in the past. This is the present and now you and Y/N are together. So don't worry about it." San assured him.

"Yeah, and if you want, we'll try to get along. Start like new. Is that ok?" You asked him.

Jongho felt relief. He wasn't going to lose you and he didn't have to worry anymore about you two being uncomfortable around each other. It was going to take time, but all of you were mature and were willing to make things work.

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[your-eternal-muse]

Half As Pretty

Heather Series Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

The Song Mentioned in the chapter, Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars aka, the song that made me sob because it was too perfect for this damn fic. I recommend listening to it while you read the part its mentioned in.

Summery: Reader is experiencing her own personal hell, but one midnight confession sets everything ablaze.

Words: 3.4k I told y’all it’d be longer.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of nicotine addiction, the beginning of an alcohol addiction, suicidal thoughts, slight manipulation from one Derek Morgan, and just a whole lotta hurt.

Paring: Spencer Reid x Heather Charmical, eventual (I promise) Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

A/N: Okay.....I’m finna be real honest.....I was listening to my music on shuffle when Poison and Wine came on, and I started crying while typing, and than I re-listened to it while typing this up and proceeded to cry again. It took me about 3 minutes of psyching myself up to write ONE sentence near the end of it because I knew there was no going back once I wrote it. This was so hard to write in the most beautiful way possible, and I really hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Shout out to @toosassy2handle​ for the recommendation of Heather's last name. It’s long and annoying and just reminds me of a stuck up bitch so its perfect.

~~~~~~

I used to love weddings.

They were always so well put together.

I’d always admire the pretty bride, the dress, everything.

I dreamed of having one of my own one day. And when I met Spencer, those daydreams changed so that I was walking down the aisle towards him instead of someone whose face I could never quite focus on.

But that’s all I’m ever going to have. Daydreams.

Because here I sit, all dolled up next to his mother, at none other than Spencer Reid’s wedding.

It’s obvious Heather did most of the planning.

I don’t take him as a ‘dusty rose’ type of person.

I stare at the soft colors and delicate flowers, and fire burns deep within me.

I want to burn this place to the ground.

I can’t, though.

I’m supportive.

I’m happy for Spencer.

I’m happy that he’s happy.

I’m happy.

I’m happy.

I’m happy.

I look down at my hands, playing with the hem of my burgundy party dress.

I don’t think I’ve been this dressed up since….

I think I threw that dress away when I got home that night.

I don’t remember much of that night after coming back to the table.

I’m positive I drank at least half the champagne they had.

Derek had to carry me home.

“My son didn’t plan any of this.”

I look over, and see Diana scowling at the decor. 

I can’t help but let a small smile spread across my face.

At least she agrees with me.

I lean in closer to her, so our words can only be heard by us.

“I completely agree. He’s more of a ‘dark academia’ kind of guy.”

She smiles at me, reaching her hand over, and patting my leg. “You know when he told me he was getting married, I thought it was going to be to you.”

My heart stops. “Y-You did?”

She nods, looking around the room like she hadn’t just said something that made my world stop spinning. “I didn’t meet Heather until a week after he told me. That’s when I learned that they were dating in the first place. I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed.”

I bring a hand up to my mouth, covering the smile and laugh threatening to spill.

“But she makes him happy. Anyone can see that.”

The smile falls, and the laugh dies.

“Though, he did bring you to meet me not too long after meeting you himself.”

I nod, remembering the trip. “It had been a month. I had known him for a month, and he really wanted me to meet you. I was so nervous. I really wanted you to like me.”

Her smile is big, and her hand finds one laying in my lap, squeezing it.

“I liked you the minute he told me about you.”

I loved Diana.

I will always love Diana.

I open my mouth to say something, but someone a few rows back says ‘Here comes the groom.’

I turn my head, and low and behold, there he is, walking with the biggest smile on his face towards the front. He stands, with his hands clasped in front of him, as he waits like the rest of us.

He looks stunning, in a simple black and white tux.

His eyes meet mine, and I smile at him.

He winks back at me.

The moment doesn’t last long before a song starts, and a hush falls over the crowd.

Slowly, one by one, bridesmaids and groomsmen make their way down the aisle. 

Derek is the best man, and he pats Spencer's shoulder as he takes his position behind him.

And then the music shifts, and while she starts to walk, something dawns on me.

I will never be as pretty as she is.

She’s breathtaking.

She’s practically glowing in the white satin ballgown, a bouquet of roses clutched in her hands.

She’s looking around at the crowd, smiling and nodding and it’s only when she’s halfway down the aisle that she meets his eyes.

I look at him, and I don’t think there are any words that can explain the look of pure joy written across his face.

JJ, who is sitting beside me, reaches over and grabs my free hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.

She reaches the front, and all eyes are trained on her, but I can’t tear mine away from him.

He holds her hand so delicately, and I can see him fighting back tears.

I don’t even notice when vows are said and rings are exchanged. I only notice when I see JJ look at me from the corner of her eye as the officiant says “If anyone has any objection to the marriage of these two people, speak now, or forever hold your peace.”

For a moment, I think about it.

“Me! I do!”

The crowd gasps as I make my way towards the front.

“I do. I object.”

His eyes are wide and she looks furious.

“Why do you object?” The officiant says, startled.

“Because I love you.” I’m looking directly at him.

“I love you, Spencer.”

No.

No, I can’t.

I’d lose everything.

You’d be a selfish bitch is what you would be.

“Then do you, Heather Charmical, take Spencer Reid to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

Tears are lipping out of my eyes, though my eyes are not the only wet ones in the room.

I can blame it on the emotions. I wouldn’t be technically lying.

“And do you, Spencer Reid, take Heather Charmical, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

Please say no.

“I do.”

I don’t have a heart anymore.

This just confirmed it.

“Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

He takes her face between her hands, and places his lips on hers in a passionate kiss.

That’s it.

They’re married.

People clap and cheer, and they lock hands, walking back down the aisle, now together by law.

I want to puke.

People start to get up, and I suddenly can’t breath.

My chest rises and falls, and I shoot a glance at JJ, before making my way through the crowd as respectively as possible to leave the room as quickly as I can.

I look down to my bag once I make my way into the vast hallway, digging and searching for my cigarettes when I ram into someone, dropping my purse, and spilling the contents over the smooth tile floor.

“Fuck.”

“Hey hey hey, what’s the rush baby girl?”

I look up to see Derek, kneeling down to help me pick up my stuff.

“I just, I just um,”

Breath, y/n, just fucking breath.

“I just really need to find a bathroom. I shouldn’t have drank all that tea before coming here.”

I shove things back into my purse, not even really looking, before standing back up.

“I’ll find you and Pen in a bit. Promise.” 

I don’t wait for him to answer, turning and walking away before he gets a chance to speak.

I’ll find a bathroom eventually.

~~~~

When is an appropriate time to leave the wedding of your best friend, whom you're secretly in love with, without seeming rude?

Because I need to leave.

I’m afraid of what I’ll do if I don’t.

My right leg is crossed over my left, shaking with every anxious heartbeat.

People have plates full of food, and are mingling with drinks from the open bar, another thing that I know for a fact Spencer had nothing to do with.

I’ve barely touched the food on my plate, my appetite gone, at least not for anything other than the fruity little cocktails that keep appearing in front of me.

I’m about to get up and find someone, probably JJ, that I got sick in the ladies room, and to tell Spencer I’m sorry, when he walks up to where I’m seated, his hand outstretched for me.

“Come dance with me.”

The liquor in my system makes me giggle.

“I thought you didn’t like dancing?”

“I’ll make an exception for my favorite girl.”

Don’t let Heather hear you say that.

I place my hand in his, and let him lead me to the dance floor, where he spins me, before bringing me in close to him, resting a hand on my hip, and grasping my left hand with his other.

My hand not in his rests comfortably on his upper arm, and we sway, back and forth to the soft music.

My heart is pounding in my chest, and I’m positive he can feel every heartbeat through the layers of our clothing. 

The lights are soft, and the music is gentle. If I close my eyes, and don’t think about it, I can imagine that this is our first dance, at our wedding that will never happen.

“Thank you, for coming y/n.”

My eyes open, and I can’t hide from him anymore. His eyes don’t falter from my own, and his smile is small.

“Of course I’d come. Why wouldn’t you think I would?”

“I don’t know. You’ve seemed off these past couple months. I didn’t know if you’d be up for it.”

Shit shit shit.

I laugh off my panic. “Spence, I could be bleeding out on my apartment floor, and I would still make it here. You mean everything to me. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He grimaces at the thought of me dying, but the words that follow erase the worry on his face. “You’d tell me if something was wrong right? Everything’s okay?”

I smile at him, placing my head against his shoulder so I don’t have to look him in the eye when I lie. “Everything is fine. I’m okay. I promise.”

You’ve gotten way too good at lying to him. What’s gonna happen when he finds out? About your secret? About how it's getting harder and harder for you to get out of bed in the morning because it’s just not worth it anymore? Or about your depleting alcohol cabinet, since every night you seem to think drowning out your sorrows will make it easier to sleep?

He rests his chin on my head and we just sway back and forth to the music. 

His fingers start gently playing with my own, and I hear him softly singing to himself as we dance.

“Oh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise.” His hand moves from my hip to my lower back, holding me there against him as he continues to sing. 

“I don’t have a choice, but I still choose you.”

I move my face farther into his shoulder, like I could disappear if I wanted to. This feels too intimate, feels too wrong. I should step away and congratulate him, tell him to go find his wife for god's sake, and leave with my dignity still intact. 

But I don’t want to. I’ve dreamed of him holding me like this, and the words he’s whispering I know are for only me to hear.

“Oh I don’t love you, but I always will. I don’t love you, but I always will.”

Whoever the dj is, deserves a raise, because while this song is totally not for a wedding, it’s perfect for this moment.

“I always will. I always will.”

The song ends, and we stand, still together, for a second longer than we probably should. 

“I’m sorry to break you two up, but I was wondering if I could convince my son to dance with his mother.” 

Diana’s voice is soft, and I smile against his shoulder before moving back, removing myself from him. 

His eyes are wet.

“Of course, Diana. He’s all yours.” 

She turns to me before I walk away, pushing stray hairs out of my face, fixing my necklaces and smoothing out my dress. “Heather looked like she was about to burst into flames. I thought I’d save you from a public sacrifice.”

Fuck.

“Thank you, Diana.” 

She kisses my forehead before turning back to Spencer, and I use the time to walk back over to my table, grab my purse and make my way out of the room. 

I find a balcony of sorts, and the cool December air cools my skin. 

I once again dig through my purse to find my cigarettes, pulling out the pack once I do. When I open it, however, I find it empty. 

I smoked my last one and didn’t even realize it.

“Damnit!” I crush it in my hands, before placing it back in my purse.

The sun is setting, and I can see my breath.

I walk forward to the stone railing, looking out over the small park below the building. The stone is rough beneath my palms, and dark spots appear as I cry for the second time today.

I don’t have a choice, but I still choose you.

He couldn’t have meant it the way I’m thinking he meant it. He was just singing along to a song he’s probably heard thousands of times the past couple months.

But it’s too perfect not to. 

Is it possible? Did he love me? If he did, does he still love me?

“Aren’t you cold, sweetheart?” Derek’s voice startles me, and I jump a little. 

“Uh, no. It feels nice. It was getting a little stuffy in there so I thought I would come get some air.” 

He hums, and walks up to stand beside me, his hands in his pockets. 

“You know, when you dropped your purse earlier, an envelope fell out.” 

My eyes widen.

“It didn’t have anything written on it, so I just assumed it was for Spencer and Heather and put it with the others. You seemed like you had other things on your mind so I thought I’d help.”

No no no no no no no no this isn’t happening. This isn’t real, he didn’t just give my love confession to the now married man it’s about and his wife. Oh my god, I’m gonna die.

“Y-You what?! No no no, that wasn’t meant for them. No no no. Holy shit.” I start pacing back and forth, combing my hands through what little of my hair was down.  

“I need to go get it. He’ll understand. It’s just a big mix up. He can’t have that envelope.”

I turn ready to run back into that room and make a scene when Derek speaks from behind me.

“You mean this envelope?” I turn and there he stands, holding it in his hand. 

My stomach rises from my feet. “Jesus fucking christ, Morgan. That’s not fucking funny.” I walk forward to grab it, but he’s taller than I am, and raises it out of my reach. “I never said it was.”

“Give it back, Derek.” Even in heels I can’t quite reach his hand.

“I will, once you tell me what's in it that gets you so worked up at the thought of Spencer having it.”

I don’t meet his eye as I reach for it again. “It’s nothing. It’s none of your business.”

“Baby girl, I see the way you look at him.” He grabs my wrist with his free hand, lowers himself so he can look at me straight on. “And that dance that you two just had? That’s not nothing and you know it.”

My lip trembles and I remove my arm from his grasp, walking back to the railing. 

If you jump, this could all end. You wouldn’t have to explain anything. It's a perfect cop out.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, my voice shuddery when I talk. “You have to promise not to tell anyone. Not even Penelope. And especially not Spencer.”

He stands close by my side, his eyes on my face as I stare out over the park. “I promise.”

Is this what having a heart attack feels like? 

I take a short breath in, it's all I can muster, and speak. 

“It’s a confession. I’m horrible with words, so I wrote it down to give it to him.”

“What were you confessing?” 

Tears resume to fall down my face, and I pinch at my cuticles. “That I’m in love with him.”

I feel Derek shift to look down at the railing, the envelope placed in between us.

“I confessed that I’m in love with him. That I have been since the moment I met him. I know how horrible it is, I know but I couldn’t keep it in any longer. Even if he never finds out, I needed to put it out there that I love him.”

“You’re in love with me?”

I choke on my breath, and my nails dig into the stone.

No. Please no. Please tell me this is all just a nightmare, and I’ll wake up this morning and it’ll have never happened.

My body is frozen, but I manage to turn to see him standing in the doorway, a look of pure shock written across his face.

He looks like I just slapped him.

“Spencer, oh my god.” It’s nothing more than a whisper, but it feels like a scream ripping from my chest.

“Y-You’re in love with me? When-, I-,” he runs his hands through his hair, and takes a step forward. 

I'm sobbing, and I can’t stop. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This was never supposed to happen. “Spencer, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t plan on you finding out like this.”

“When were you going to tell me?” His voice cracks, and I realize then that he’s not angry. He’s hurt.

I have to be honest with him now. I can’t lie to him. It’s over. The ruse is over. 

I’m finished.

My fists clench and unclench as I try my best to keep my emotions under control.

“I was going to tell you the day you introduced me to Heather.”

His eyes flicker to the envelope resting on the railing, and they gloss over for a second as he remembers that day.

“You told me-”

“I lied. I lied and said it was for my mom, but it wasn’t.” I cross my arms in front of me, a chill settling itself on my skin.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I wish his voice would get louder. I wish he would scream at me. I deserve to be screamed at.

“You were dating someone, Spencer. You had been dating someone, and you had just introduced me to her. What would you have wanted me to do?”

“Not lie to me!” There we go. Get angry. Hate me.

“Why? What would you have done!? What would have happened if I didn’t care about your relationship with her and just given it to you?”

It’s getting darker, and the light pouring outside from the building is the only one to see by, so I can’t really make out his face.

“I don’t know! I have no idea of knowing, but I do know that I wish you wouldn’t have lied to me. You’ve been hiding from me, Y/N. Please stop hiding from me. I can help you.”

I roll my eyes, my vision going blurry from the tears. “No you can’t Spencer. You’re married. Did you forget that?”

He’s quiet, and I can see Derek shift his gaze from between us, not really knowing what to do. 

His voice is substantially softer when he speaks next. 

“Give me the letter.”

I choke back the noisy sobs. “No.”

He repeats himself, holding out his hand.

“Please, give me the letter.”

“Why?” I’m exhausted. Can’t this conversation just end?

“Because I need to know that you loved me like I loved you.”

Loved?

He just told you to your face, that while he may have loved you once upon a time, he doesn’t anymore. He doesn’t love you anymore. He doesn’t love you.

I can’t fight this anymore.

“Please don’t hide from me anymore.” He pleads, and I can feel myself beginning to go numb. Whether it’s from the cold, or my mind starting to shut down, I have no idea. 

I grab the envelope from where it sits, walking forward and handing it to him. 

He brings it to his jacket, tucking it safe inside one of the pockets. 

“I’ll call you. Okay? And we can talk this out.”

There’s no talking this out, Spencer. What’s done is done.

He looks between me and Derek, and without another word, he walks back into the building, shoulders tense, and head down.

This is it. This is the end of the line. Nothing will be the same.

“Y/n….”

I don’t respond. I just turn, grabbing my purse and walking down the stairway the leads to the park from the balcony. 

My tears leave hot streaks against my cold skin. 

A snowflake lands on my nose.

~~~

Permanent Tag List: @criminalcow @pinkdiamond1016​ @eternityofaxiom​ @you-had-me-at-hello-dear​ @marvels-gurl​ @theamuz​ @write-from-the-heart​ @sungieeeeeee​ @mjloveskids666​ @chococereal @itzsoff​ @gia-kerks​ @doctorspencereid​ @imsuperawkward​ @andreasworlsboring101​ @itsmoony​ @cielo1984​ @heistmaster69​ @nevvvv​ @theseuscmander​ @complementaryvacuum​

Heather Tag List: @drsoftboyreid​ @lindaze​ @urie-bowie-mercury​ @racerparker​ @avaholcombe​ @rodertayloroof @stephanieisgay330​ @swiftspaperings​ @rainsong01​ @darthseph​ @liaabsurd​ @tracyn910 @kxllyxnnx @holypicklelightnickel​ @pianofirepirate​ @radtwinkie @madcrazy50​ @bweakmybonez​ @constantlywishingonstars​ @l0ve-0f-my-life​ @expressiodepressio @flannelpjpants​ @x-midnight-violets-x​ @kwyloz​ @todaynotseen @caitlin-f @mylovehes​ @spencerreidsimptime​ @yoongi-holland​ @vamp-army​ @realimbo​ @stardream14 @magicbearssss @jessaminelovelace​ @darthvadersturd​ @nikkilikewoah @mellifluouswildbluebells​ @lex-rodgers-sheild @crist1216​

[honourablejester]

Ideas for Deities and Cleric Domains (D&D)

I absolutely love clerics as a class in D&D. They’re up there with warlocks for customisation, it’s fantastic. But clerics, more than many other classes, really seem to be dependent on the setting and worldbuilding, because a huge chunk of their story and background is dependent on their deity. A cleric’s power comes directly from their deity, and they can possibly lose it if the deity disapproves of them or their actions. I know a lot of DMs won’t do this, but in-universe it does make sense that a deity is not going to keep giving power to a servant that is actively acting against their goals. If I’m building a cleric, I do feel a bit of a desire to have their personality and history either fit in with or comment interestingly on their deity’s personality and domains. They’re a class you really have to build in collaboration with the DM, I feel.

So. On that worldbuilding end, going by the cleric domains. Some (admittedly highly biased) thoughts on the associations of each domain, and some ideas for deities and maybe clerics for each. It got LONG (as in, 7000 words long), because I have thoughts apparently. If you want to skip around, the domains are in alphabetical order of:

Arcana

Death

Forge

Grave

Knowledge

Life

Light

Nature

Order

Peace

Tempest

Trickery

Twilight

War

Arcana

This domain feels slightly sticky to me in D&D because of the difference between arcane and divine magic. Like, do wizards view arcana clerics as essentially cheaters? Oh, sure, no study for you, you just get it for free! Arcana gods who were once mortal wizards, do they view clerics as cheaters? Especially given that a lot of the existing arcana gods are also knowledge gods, how do they feel about just granting magic without, so to speak, the effort of acquiring knowledge by your own means? Or do some of them prefer clerics? Gods of magic that are embodiments of magic as a force, do they like that clerics have an intuitive grasp of them and thus magic? Knowledge deities who believe that all knowledge should be available to everyone, they’d be fine with it too, presumably. There are lots of paths to knowledge, and for some people that would be through a teacher, in this case the deity. If knowledge and magic should be shared, then the path of the cleric is just as valid as the path of independent study.

And then there’s deities for whom magic, arcana, is a secondary domain, in service to their primary one, who’re happy for their cleric to use any power at their disposal to enhance their service (for example, deities whose primary domain is war or forge or death might not care how their arcana domain servant gets their power, provided they use it for the right causes).

Arcana is an interesting and slightly sticky domain for me. But. Some other domains it combines interestingly with, for deities with different views:

Knowledge. The most obvious. Fits well for a wizard-type deity, magic as study, but maybe also a more … theoretical physicist sort of deity? Deities who like people who just appreciate the raw wonder and intrigue of magic on an emotional level, a vast and beautiful unknown that needs to be interacted with and both studied and experienced. You know those people who just want to babble about their field of study, and you don’t even have to understand, though it would be great if you did, they just want you to come up and look at the cool thing? Deities like that.

War, Forge, Death. Like I said above, these would be big domains for gods who view magic as a fundamental tool to serve other causes. War, the destruction or defense of things. Forge, the making of things. Death, the breaching of the walls between states. Trickery could also go here, for sneaky deities who view magic as an obvious tool-kit. In worlds with magic, it’s such an obvious factor to deal with when it comes to their primary domains that these deities have sort of been forced to acquire the expertise, and sometimes they might want servants who specialise in supplying that tool-kit for the cause. Forge might also lean a bit in Knowledge’s direction as well, your ‘tinkerer with the universe’ sort of deity. Trickery also works because Arcana clerics get a few nice scout-and-secrecy type spells, like Arcane Eye, Nystul’s Magic Aura, and Leomund’s Secret Chest, so a trickery deity having an ‘agent’ cleric with a disguise as a pious scholar and a toolkit for spying and smuggling feels like a fun idea.

Order, Twilight, Life. These also work as primary domains for deities who view Arcana as a toolbox domain to supplement their primary one. With features like Planar Abjuration, Spell Breaker and several of the abjuration, divination and conjuration spell options, arcana clerics feel like they could be good ‘civil defender’ sort of agents. The sort of magic civil servants for deities of civilisation, making sure that things stay where they’re put and that the righteous are not influenced unduly by arcane powers.

Death

The necromancy domain, for when you want a divine boost on your path to lichdom. I’m going to say, though, that I do like the disease aspect of this domain. I blame reading The Legend of Huma as a teen, and Morgion’s corruption of a certain knight to the shock and betrayal of all his fellows. On the cleric end, I really, really like this domain as an expression of, not so much malice, as just absolute despair. It’s the necrotic domain, the domain of entropy and rot and decay. Murder, secrecy, death, decay, despair, disease. Miasma. It’s an evocative domain.

Deity-wise, this domain is the four horsemen (or three of them, Death, Pestilence and Famine – pair a War god to add Conquest and War). The walking wasteland. The crawling oblivion. It’s the Black Death, the Red Death, the White Death. It’s a pale figure atop a pale horse. Poison in a cup, rot in a wound. Petyr Baelish, sowing chaos just to see where all the pieces fall. It’s false dawn. The calm shallows of despair. It’s black and white and green. Every Outer God ever, from the crawling chaos to the blind idiot god at the centre of the universe.

I love the disease aspect. Start with plague. Start with fire and drought and famine. The aftermath of war. The fevered, skeletal survivors. Have a voice in the dark make them an offer. A shelter, an assurance, that the worst has already happened, and nothing more can trouble them now. All they have to do is … offer other people the same thing. The fire and the fever and the pain. And then ... the quiet place beyond it, where there is only peace and purpose.

As a domain, Death feels perfectly capable of standing alone. Add Arcana, if you want more a focus on necromancy. Add Trickery, if you want more chaos and entropy, toppling towards annihilation. Add War, that old friend and partner. Add Tempest, the scourging storm, or Light, the searing, radiant fever. Add Life, to pair and partner with Disease, the poison and the antidote in one cup. Add Peace, for the quiet oblivion when all pain and strife has been toppled gently away.

Forge

This is an odd domain for me, because I absolutely love the image of the smith deity, Hephaestus, Wayland, Prometheus, and I love characters like Tony Stark in the MCU, people who forge their way out of captivity and pain by raw force of will and ingenuity. But. A lot of the available deities for the Forge domain feel a bit on the lacklustre side, and I don’t know if that’s because the smith imagery for me is so bound up in image of conflict and captivity, Prometheus, Wayland, Tony Stark? It might just be a case where the domain evokes such specific imagery for me that I’m a bit blinkered by it.

The Forge domain is bound up in imagery of fire and metal, war and craftmanship. As a cleric domain, it’s fairly focused on weapons and armour, rather than the wider applications of the craft, so the clerics will likely be a bit more specialised than the deities. Mythologically, forge deities are often creation deities, civilisation deities, discovery/exploration deities, even healing deities. There’s a lot of ‘whatever the problem, we can build our way out of it’. Which is awesome.

So. Some interesting domain combinations:

War is the obvious one. Forge clerics are pretty clearly designed as front-liners. And on the deity side, war is often a necessity for a forge deity, both as a primary market for their wares, and also because they tend to be prime targets for forces who want to have exclusive access to said wares. There’s a reason I associate the forge with captivity. Going to war because the enemy forced your hand and you had to build your way out of captivity seems to be a typical job hazard for a smith deity. An interesting addendum, put Life with it, for deities of War, Forge and Life, who build prosthesis and solutions to the aftermath of war. A lot of actual RL forge deities do seem to have a ‘mechanical solutions to biological problems’ sort of mindset.

Knowledge is the other immediate aspect. Discovery, invention, civilisation. Tool-makers, more than weapon-makers. Prometheus. Fire and the taming of the natural world. Craft. Trade centres. In more industrialised settings, invention and industry. So, Order and even Nature might be good domain mixes as well, for the civilisation and harvest/nature-tamed end of things. The plough as much as the sword. Forge has some hearth associations, for gods of city, home and protection. On the darker side, Order, forges are also where you make shackles. But then you have my favourite image. Prometheus, Wayland. The chained or hobbled smith god forging his way to freedom. I like chaos in a smith god. Fire and freedom, creation, wringing possibility from the raw material of the universe. Forge, Knowledge, Arcana, Life. Tempest, even Trickery. The smashing of chains.

Grave

I love this domain so much. I’ve always loved psychopomps, guides, and the gentler aspects of death. Hades and Persephone, Isis and Osiris, Hermes guiding souls. Charon the ferryman. Death-the-Gatherer, rather than Death-the-Hunter. I’d love a dual-aspect deity, Life and Grave domains, the Lord/Lady of First and Last Respite. Peace, ease from pain, freedom from slavery.

Grave pairs very well with Twilight. They have the feel of boundary guardians, the liminal deities. Grave’s use of necromancy spells feels very much like something drawing power or essence from the boundary between life and death itself. A border guardian, authorised to open the gates when needed and ensure that they are safely closed again. Twilight sits so well with that.

Life, Knowledge. Medicine. Hermes and his caduceus. Peace. Laying to rest what should not have been disturbed. Nature. The acknowledgement of natural cycles of decay and reinvigoration. Grave lies very much on the ‘slow and steady, all things in their course’ sort of feeling. It really does pair well with Life in a single deity, not a raw striving against death as an enemy, but a more balanced understanding of what to push and how far, before life itself becomes a tyranny of captivity. First and Last Respite. You strive and you strive and you strive, and then you rest.

It also goes well with War in this regard. Again, its partner aspect. Death domain pairs more overtly with War, but Grave also has a place. Poppies in the fields. Last rites. The soldier chaplain. War as necessity, and then the aftermath. A grave domain cleric has a lot to do in a war.

Interestingly, with the likes of Hermes, and even Isis to an extent, there’s also a Trickery association. Thieves on the boundary line. Stealing knowledge or wealth or time past the line of death. People who have seen things that were never meant to be seen. Truth behind illusion. Journeys, exploration, knowledge. Outcasts. Death is the great equaliser, after all. It welcomes all, even the most wretched. There’s the interesting balance for a thief god, ‘you can’t take it with you when you die’, but maybe you can? Or a thief who will not be stolen from, and that includes their life, the one possession everyone should have the right to defend. Trickery and Grave have some interesting mixes, and a grave cleric with a criminal background would be fascinating to me.

Knowledge

Again, I adore this domain with all my heart. Knowledge domain is the seeker archetype, both in deities and clerics. A shared wellspring of knowledge, and a mission to perpetually add to it, to ask questions and then go and find the answer.

A thing I find with deities for this domain, they can have an oddly static feel. Like the sum of all knowledge already exists, is already stored in some library somewhere, and no knowledge deity ever needs to discover anything themselves. It’s a danger to get stuck in the static ‘archivist’ image of a knowledge god, even though the collection and processing and classification and archiving of information is a whole dynamic activity in itself. Knowledge changes, is always changing. Knowledge is about seeking, archiving, analysing, understanding, drawing linkages. Disseminating, teaching, sharing. Though there are and should be gods who focus on recording information, because that’s a right and necessary thing we like to do with knowledge, there’s a lot more to the domain than that.

On that note. I feel like Knowledge and Trickery are a very nice pair of domains for a deity. What’s that quote about the basis of trickery being knowing one extra fact? Plus. Espionage is a whole industry based on, essentially, the theft and dissemination of protected knowledge. And the flipside, that to protect knowledge, you have to know how people will try to steal it. A lot of the knowledge domain’s abilities and spells lend well to spying. Even your static ‘archivist’ god, with his library and his scrolls, has probably seen just about every idiot seeking forbidden knowledge, and was possibly the cause of what happened to quite a few of them. Heh.

With that in mind, War is also a potential partner domain as well. Finding information that your enemy doesn’t want you to know is a huge part of warfare, and messengers and couriers are also vital during wartime. If you wanted to make a god of espionage, Knowledge, Trickery, War and maybe Arcana would be a good mix of domains.

Knowledge also just goes well with a lot of the civilisation-focused domains. Order, Life, Arcana, Forge, even Nature. And with more chaotic areas as well. Knowledge is about exploration, discovery, invention. Maybe even Tempest can fit alongside, especially combined with Forge as well, for that ‘lightning strike of inspiration’ idea. Knowledge over tradition. The heretical pursuit of truth in the face of order. The defiance of demanding answers to questions people don’t want asked. Prometheus, after all, is one of the archetypal deities of knowledge.

Knowledge is just … about seeking. The pursuit of knowledge. Knowledge clerics are seekers, especially in the adventurer mould. The explorer, the archaeologist, the pilgrim, the messenger, the spy, the broker, the medium (Knowledge pairs well with Grave too). The teacher, the protector. If a god of knowledge wants a mortal pair of hands, it’s to find, protect or spread knowledge. Or to use it for a specific purpose. Ideas can be the levers on which a world turns, after all. Not all knowledge deities might be neutral …

Life

The bog-standard domain of the jobbing cleric. The domain people maybe feel they get saddled with if the party needs a healer. But I like the Life domain a lot, although for some reason it’s locked on to orcs and half-orcs in my head (every life cleric I’ve ever built has been one or the other). I like the feeling of striving and equality you get with the Life domain. The endless fight against evil, destruction and even just normal decay. Life is the bulwark domain. Life is the stubborn domain (which, actually, might be why I associate orcs with it). And I like a lot of the existing life deities.

Life is about preservation. It doesn’t create, but it preserves. Life holds the line. It’s considered the bog-standard domain, and to be fair it does fit most anywhere. You can tack the life domain on to the portfolio of nearly any deity you please, and it’ll probably fit.

And! It doesn’t have to always be good. I don’t even just mean that you can have a racial life deity for an ‘evil’ race, like Luthic for the orcs (which is a whole other thing, racial pantheons are … a tricky thing), but Life itself can be an enemy. If you’ve ever read the fairytale ‘The Soldier and Death’, you’ll know what I mean. And, for a more recent example, the Many-Faced God in Game of Thrones is an example of a death-as-mercy deity that moved towards punishing and/or preventative medicine later down the line. Life without cease can be a hell without escape. Life is as much a force that needs to be tempered and balanced as any other. You have options with Life deities.

So. Domain combinations. I LOVE the Life/Grave duality. I said it above with Grave, and I’ll say it again down here. Pair the two. They work beautifully together.

Life has the obvious solar association, so Light is a common pair for it. Twilight actually works very well as well. Life is the bulwark. The preserving line that enemy forces founder against. Pair it with a domain that ventures protectively into the darkness, or with one that vengefully shatters it. Life, Light, and Twilight are a nice mix of domains.

Peace and Order are an interesting set, in that they can edge Life over into its darker aspects if left unchecked. The rigid, tyrannical end of lawful. Stepford smilers. Whatever happens, we can fix you right up! So just smile, and take whatever happens. Life is a torturer’s dream domain. You can go dark, dark places with it if you want to, and these two are a good pair of domains to set alongside that journey. Make a deity of Order, Life and Peace that would put the greatest Archdevil of Tyranny to absolute shame! Though you can take them gently too. You can take them as they were intended. Make bulwark deities. Protectors against the dark. Holding the line.

I also love Life, the same as Grave, as an equality domain. This is more on the cleric end, but I love outcast characters who take up the mantle of a healer god because the deity just accepted them. I do like Ilmater for this, for example. Life as the healer domain knows all about what people do when they’re in pain, and it works to heal rather than punish that. The ideal of a medic who heals regardless of nationality or creed. Dr McCoy from Star Trek, because I adore him. Make an angry healer, an outcast who works to help other outcasts, who struggles with the ethics of helping even evil people, because if you ignore pain when you see it, what does that make you? But if you cause untold pain with an act of mercy, what does that make you? There’s a lot you can work with here. Life is more than just a jobbing domain.

Light

The spear of god, the lance of the heavens. Light is the glorious, radiant, blinding, burning domain. The domain for when you want to smite people and set the world on fire. There’s also a vigilance, eyesight, ever-burning, all-seeing sort of association. The lantern ever-burning in the dark, the eye in the sky that sees all. So it has a sort of a, a half-and-half sort of feeling. Light will wait for all eternity, as patient as the sun, for their enemies to move. And as soon as they do, Light will smite them with fire from on high. Light is a distinctly decisive sort of domain. You can’t take back a fireball once you’ve launched it, so be sure you know where you’re aiming it first.

Light is honestly such a fun domain. It pairs well with a lot of things. Life. Tempest. War. Knowledge. I love a lot of RL mythological figures here. Helios Panoptes. Light and Knowledge are such a good mix. Light is knowledge as in surveillance. The big staring eyeball in the sky. The sniper’s little red dot on your forehead. I see you. Light is the crusader deity. ‘I’m going to see what’s happening, and then I’m going to act on it’. Add War in, sure. Tempest. The lightning bolt from on high. If any deity is going to have combat celestials to throw around as well, it’ll be Light domain deities. It’s a very smitey domain.

Light does have a gentler aspect. Light clerics tend to be blasters, mobile artillery, but they still have the standard cleric options. And light is the dawn of life. So. Life. Nature. It has a preservatory feeling against the forces of darkness and decay. Stand in my radiance and I will shelter you. And a sower of life feeling. Show me your grain and I will ripen it. Energy is epitomised by light. So you could pair Twilight as well, a deity with twin aspects, the light and the twilight. The spear and the shield. A deity who will venture out watchfully into darkness, keeping faith with it, until crisis point is reached and they bring the sudden dawn instead.

Nature

Gods of the natural world. I’ll be honest, while it makes absolute sense that you would have nature deities, as a cleric domain it feels slightly superfluous and like it’s stepping on the druid’s toes a bit. But. On the deity side, lots to work with.

With raw elemental might mostly given to Tempest, the Nature domain focuses on plants, animals, the land, the waters. Nature in its neutral state. There’s also a bit of an emphasis on survival, with things like heavy armour and Dampen Elements. Nature is very much about working with the land and creatures around you to survive. It can lean towards the wilder end, unspoiled nature, or the tamer end, the gods of harvest and field. You have things like your gods of the hunt, your gods of the wood, your gods of the field. Hearth, home. Freedom. Travel.

If you want to lean towards the wilder side, Nature combines well with Tempest, Trickery and War. These are your gods of the hunt, gods of the storm, gods of the jungle, the defenders of nature unspoiled. But you can also combine with Life and Light here as well, for the raw majesty and vibrancy of the wilderness, and with Twilight and Peace, for the shadowed forests and wilds.

On the tamer end, the gods of field and harvest, of fertility, Nature combines with Order, Life, Light, Knowledge and even Forge. Order, for the rolling fields of agriculture that feed the cities. Life, Light, for the sun that ripens the fields, the harvest that feeds the world. Knowledge and Forge, for the craft and the tools that tame the land, the knowledge of plant and soil and properties that provide food, medicine, systems of produce. Also, a deity of Nature, Trickery and Knowledge as a god of trade, of travel and produce and negotiation and knowledge. I like that.

Trickery combines well with either end as well. On the wilderness side, for nature’s more fey aspects, the gods of travel and wilderness and getting lost, the trickster deities of echoes in the mountains and lights in the swamp that lead people astray and protect their secrets. On the tamer side, I love Trickery and Nature (and Life) for a god of hospitality, the arcane rules and soft power that prevent violence by alternate means. And, I mean, if you want Hotel California, the little god of the vanishing inn, try some combination of Nature, Trickery, Life, Death and Twilight. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave … I actually really love the idea of a Nature deity that defends the wilds just by luring and trapping intruders under the guise of civilised hospitality. The liminal deity of the boundary between the fields and the wilds.

On the deity end, Nature is actually a really versatile and lovely domain. Add it to everything. Heh.

Order

Apparently, I tend towards neutral or chaotic, because I kneejerk don’t like the Order domain. For much the same reason I’m not too fond of the enchantment school of magic. It’s by nature on the far end of lawful, and the focus is on control and conformity before free will. It’s a hard domain to balance. Gods of Order are going to be on the hard lawful edge, deities of law and cities and justice. Justice is the better end of the domain, but the spells and features … This domain leans a bit dystopian, yes? Law by compulsion. It’s ridiculously easy to slant towards evil.

But. Let’s try and get past the kneejerk. At its best, Order is the domain of cities and civilisation, centralised law, law by consensus. It’s a domain focused on discipline, on justice, at least in the sense of rigid adherence to the law. At it’s worst, it’s the domain of empire and tyrant and dystopia. Zealotry. The slaver domain. Deities with Order in their portfolio will lean in one of those directions. Justice and discipline, or conquest and control. Either way, there’s a focus on civilisation, on the polis, on centralised authority.

The natural domain pairing is War, for the conquest end, and Peace, for the civilisation end. Peace is very much the gentler, more consensual partner to Order, enabling willing communal links, while Order enforces unwilling ones. Peace encourages people to act together, Order forces them to act correctly. There’s an interesting tension there. On War’s end, I feel a deity with both Order and War domains will prioritise Order, viewing War as a tool to extend the reach far enough to ensure control, but the reverse is also possible, viewing Order as a way to maintain a strong enough army to feed War. You can sit anywhere on the lawful end of the alignment chart with any of these. A crusader for justice all the way down to a tyrannical despot.

On the polis end, civilisation, Arcana and Knowledge both sit well with Order, as well as Forge. A Knowledge and Order deity will be one of those ‘gods of lists’. Everything in its place. Arcana will be a toolbox, less a focus on the exploration and experimentation of magic. Though you could have an interesting tension of a deity of Order and Arcana trying to fully map and thereby control magic as a force. That is an arcana deity who will very much not like magic’s more chaotic expressions, which could go interesting places. If you want a theological war on certain types of magic (especially sorcery), that could be an idea.

Order as a domain feels very overbearing. It’ll dominate any domain mix its part of. You could put it with Light, with Nature, with Life, and it will bend and shape the other domains around it. It even goes with Trickery, which feels like it should be a chaos domain, because again, espionage is a fundamental part of warfare and control, and a domain that doesn’t balk at enchantment won’t balk at illusion either. Tools in the toolbox.

The one domain that doesn’t feel like it pairs well with Order is Tempest. Tempest does feel too rawly chaotic to sit nicely alongside Order. If you want a pair of gods to set in opposition, try Order vs Tempest. The city vs the sea, the storm vs the doldrums, raw force vs overbearing will.

Peace

I’m calling this the Hufflepuff domain, and like a good badger, it has the potential to be absolutely terrifying. Peace is one of those domains that you really, really don’t want in an enemy. This is the siege domain, the tank-generating domain. Come and have a go, dear, because you are guaranteed not hard enough. Put this with Life and then Order or Light or War, and you are dealing with an absolutely terrifying unified force that won’t go down. If you don’t like the Hufflepuff comparison, you can also try Starfleet. Walk softly in the sure knowledge that you are carrying the bigger stick.

An evil peace deity is such a fantastically terrifying thought. A long, calm walk into night, hand in hand, carrying each other when we falter. I want this domain for a post-apocalyptic setting so much. William Hope Hodgson’s Night Land. Dying Earth. A philosophical debate between two deities of peace, whether it is better to be the last bulwark standing firm against the darkness, or if true peace is found in gently letting go together. Put one with Life, put the other with Grave, and debate in a world of horror and darkness and madness and despair which one of them is ‘good’ and which one of them is ‘evil’.

But. Even normally, in non-dying settings. Peace is an exciting domain that can go in some interesting directions. The line between good and evil for this one will be what we’re willing to do to have peace, and what we’re defining as ‘forces that prevent peace’. Obviously if you’re going for a Peace/Order evil combination, ‘freedom’ is a thing that could prevent peace. If you’re going with Peace/Grave/Death, life is a thing that could prevent peace. It all depends on how you want to play it. But you can go gentler as well. Peace with Life, with Nature, with Grave, as a genuine, gentle attempt to help as many people as possible find a life free from pain or fear. Peace with Order as a good-aligned hope for civilisation and diplomacy triumphing over fear and war.

It’s just very fun for me personally to imagine the darker aspects here. An evil peace cleric as a cult leader. ‘Stand with me, help each other, stand together, and no one can stand against us’. All the worst aspects of group-think. Genuine loyalty, genuine camaraderie, and just a complete lack of actual morals. It would be terrible and fantastic. Hang an evil party around a peace cleric and have your loving, psychotically loyal bunch of clowns go to town on the rest of the world.

Tempest

The first D&D character I ever made was a high elven Tempest cleric, ex-slave, ex-city official. Looking back up at my thoughts on the Order domain will probably give you an idea why. Tempest is just a gorgeous domain for me. Distilled chaos, and all its tricky balances. Where’s the line between raw destruction and needful freedom?

It helps that I’m from an island nation and strongly associate Tempest with the sea. In the absence of an actual Ocean domain, Tempest is where that part of me gravitates. So Tempest gets all the associations of freedom and power and terror and awe that the ocean gets from me. The volcano and earthquake aspects aren’t as fun for me, though elemental storm very much is. Air and water and lightning and sky.

Tempest isn’t a kind domain. It doesn’t really feel nurturing or safe. At its worst, it’s raw destruction, power pitted against all comers. At its best, it’s freedom for those strong enough, a storm to break the oppressive swelter of summer, a sea wave to smash through walls. Like Order can sit at any end of the lawful spectrum, Tempest can sit at any end of the chaotic spectrum.

Tempest deities will probably lean towards one end or the other. Destructive and overbearing, or fierce opponents of tyranny. It pairs fantastically with Light, as the celestial realms’ shock troopers, with lightning as a nice conceptual bridge between them. Tempest probably lacks Light’s more patient aspects, though. Although maybe not. The sea is always power held in potential, after all. The promise of the storm is always there, even when it’s calm. So. Light is a good mix. War and probably Forge will work just as well too, though for Forge you will want the more volcanic/seismic end of Tempest.

Tempest is an interesting mix with Trickery. Whatever else Tempest is, it doesn’t tend to be subtle. But misdirection is as much an aspect of trickery as disguises are. Sound and noise, signifying nothing. Until the right moment. If you want Tempest to match Light’s patient aspects, pairing the two of them with Trickery would be a very interesting mix. Add War, and you have a deity with a full martial suite of domains, from the espionage and information gathering stages all the way through to shock troops and invasion. Or go Tempest, Trickery, Knowledge, to emphasise the secrets of the ocean depths, and the powerful forces that protect them.

On the gentler end, Tempest pairs naturally with, well, Nature. Wildfires and ocean storms serve their purposes too, clearing ground to help systems rebuild and refresh. Rainstorms to break droughts. It’ll still be a bit on the survivalist end of nature, cruel to be kind, but it can be much gentler than its more destructive outbursts imply. You can have a deity of Life, Nature and Tempest quite easily.

Trickery

The domain of illusion, secrecy, misdirection, stealth. Okay. So. I adore this domain in terms of deities. Adore it. Anyone who knows me will tell you I love trickster deities with a passion. I will say that cleric-wise, this domain feels oddly blinkered, purely focused on stealth and misdirection, though the spell list does add some more fun, chaotic things. But in terms of deities, oh, I’m gonna have fun here.

On a base level, trickery is about accomplishing your goals by indirect, unexpected or subtle means. It’s about stealth, misdirection, leverage, diplomacy, theft, murder, guile. It’s about breaking the rules, taking the unexpected path. It isn’t necessarily chaotic, you can do an unexpected thing that is purely within the rules of the game, and for certain stripes of trickery deities I would suggest valuing exactly that, a matter of pride in pushing the rules to breaking point and highlighting all their absurdities in the process. White hat hackers. A lawful good trickery deity whose sole purpose is to test the bounds of law and tradition and show where it can be improved.

It also doesn’t have to be evil. It seems to come up a bit, that Trickery is added as a domain to an evil god’s portfolio simply to emphasise that they’re a liar. Which is … valid, fine, but it’s just … Lying is not all that Trickery is. You can do more with it.

I’m also not fully certain of the association with luck for Trickery. I feel it’s because 5e doesn’t yet have an actual chaos domain, so Trickery is used as a stand in for anything on the more chaotic end of concepts, but the thing with luck is that it’s random. The Dice Gods are the gods of fate, destiny and chaos. I’d give them … Order domain, Chaos domain, Balance domain, something like that. If you want good luck and bad luck, I’d give them the Life and Death domains, positive and negative energy, creation and entropy. But Trickery … implies more intent than luck allows. You have to set out to trick someone. Trickery is to accomplish goals. A roll of the dice, outcome uncertain, feels like something a trickery deity would go out of their way to avoid where possible. Tricksters try to play with loaded dice. I feel like they don’t like to rely on luck.

But. Moving on. Trickery deities are your gods of subtlety or change. Your thief gods, your spy gods, your gods of revolution, your gods of motion and change. Your gods you send out to accomplish things that other gods can’t. Your gods of desperation, your gods of last resort, your gods of hope. And, yes, also your gods of lies, of deceit, of hidden things. Your gods of manipulation and planning. Your gods of murder in the dark.

In terms of domains, Trickery goes with everything. Seriously everything. There is nothing you can’t put with Trickery, because it’s all about your methods, not your goals. In that sense it’s a bit of a toolbox domain, like Arcana or Knowledge. There are so many ways to go.

Trickery, Knowledge, Order, War. Your god of spies and espionage. Trickery and Light, your god of surveillance. Trickery and Knowledge and Arcana, your god of hidden, illusory and experimental magic. Trickery and Grave, your thief psychopomp. Trickery and Twilight, all in on illusion and hidden things, the god thieves pray to for protection and silence in the dark. Trickery and Nature, hospitality, trade and soft power. Trickery and Peace, diplomacy in all its forms. Trickery and Tempest, the god of sound and fury who knows how to level it strategically. Trickery and Life is a god that’s going to help and heal by whatever means prove necessary. Forge and Trickery is Prometheus and all my other beloved tricky smiths. Trickery and Death is your chaos-sower, your force of subtle entropy, your silver-tongued dark messiah.

Honestly, you can never give Trickery to too many deities! Add it everywhere! Well, no, you do need a contrast to it, deities who are genuinely honest and straightforward or blunt as the face of a hammer, but it is a versatile domain. You can do a lot with it.

Twilight

This is such an incredibly gorgeous domain. Twilight, dusk, shadows, borders, liminality. The quiet secret spaces. Flight. Second star to the right and straight on til morning. There is nothing I do not love about this domain. Here is the gentle end of Peace, the balm of Grave, the sheltering arm of Life, the watchful care of Light. Here is the darkness made gentle, a shelter, neither pitch black nor blindingly bright. The borderland, the crossing point, where all are treated equal, where the thief finds as much shelter as the righteous man. Good gods, I love this domain.

Like I said. Life, Light, Peace, Grave. All of them are natural combinations with Twilight. Grave, for the borderlands. Peace, for a peaceful crossing. Light, for the vigilance against the dark. Life, for the shelter and solace there. And Trickery, too, for those who live in shadows and draw their comfort there. A deity of Trickery, Grave and Twilight, the thief god with the hooded lantern who guides souls to their rest. A deity of Life, Light and Twilight, the hermit, the patient watcher, who shields travellers under their cloak and stares unblinking out into the night, standing guard until dawn. A deity of Trickery, Arcana and Twilight, the god of dreams. A deity of Nature, Twilight and Peace, the god of the twilight woods, of still pools, of unicorns.

This domain feels like magic to me. I mean the wonder of magic. The feeling you had as a kid watching The Last Unicorn for the first time. I can’t be analytical or eloquent about this. This is the bus stop at 4am domain. The silence in the desert at night domain. The domain of flying dreams, where a god or a fairy touches you in your sleep and tugs you out the window to walk on air. Here are illusions, here are secret truths, here are fairytales.

It’s a good domain. Make me some gods who evoke the quiet wonder of it. Please, I love you.

War

Ending on a bit of a blunt note, really, in that War is arguably one of the simpler thematic domains. To quote Fallout: ‘War. War never changes.’ Maybe not, though. There are a fair few dualities and contradictions bound up in the domain.

There’s your obvious, Athena vs Ares, intellectual vs physical war, strategy vs combat, civilisation vs barbarism. There’s your theological, Augustine of Hippo and Thomas of Aquinas and the concept of ‘just war’, the surgeon vs the soldier, under what circumstances and in defense of what ideals does violence become justified. War for conquest vs war for defense, and the boundary where one becomes the other. Ideological crusades. The honesty of violence vs the hypocrisy of honour. War as ritual, war as necessity, war as a vehicle for personal advancement.

All right. So maybe War is not a simple domain at all. You have a lot of options of what other domains to pair War with in a deity’s portfolio to put a different slant on them. War with Life or Peace, war for defense of values. War with Order, war for conquest and crusade. War with Death, war of annihilation. War with Tempest, blitzkrieg, lightning war, war of force and sudden might. War with Grave, the god of warriors, who cares for war’s people. War with Light or Twilight, guardian against invasions from beyond. War with Knowledge or Trickery, the wars of states and nations and intelligence, wars of trade, black ops, espionage. War with Forge or Arcana, strategic, toolbox thinkers, getting the tools to do the job.

War is one of those domains that works just fine alone, but you can also add it on to any other domain that someone would have to fight for. Now, granted, War is organised fighting, large-scale fighting, so it’s not just picking a fight in a bar, but even then, War gods who value warriors who strive to prove their might at any provocation can still pay attention. But you have a lot of potential variety with war. You could have one war deity in your pantheon, or have six or seven who at least dabble in the domain. There isn’t a single other domain that you couldn’t add War onto. Nature is probably where it strains most, because War is usually the opposite of helpful for fixing problems Nature might be having, but even Nature has her champions. Even Peace, which you think would be the opposite of War, can happily stand alongside as the end goal, and War the means.

And as a stand-alone domain, you have a LOT of philosophical room for argument with War. Fittingly enough. Heh.

[ridiculousn3sswrites]

Operation: Reconnection

*Thomas Jefferson x Reader

*Request from @lula132: “Could I request an imagine where reader and Thomas Jefferson break up, but the hamilsquad see that they're are both super sad, so they try to get them back together even in they hate him?”

*Warnings: Language, alcohol, fighting on birthday (love to see it), like two sex jokes

*A/N: School’s starting up again soon and after that disaster that was last semester I’m ready to simply ~perish~ uwu 

Tip Jar

**********

Knowing that your friends and boyfriend hated each other was frustrating, to say the least. You knew that every hangout that you brought him along was bound to end up in some kind of argument. Not only was there bad blood from college between your friends (except for Lafayette) and your boyfriend, but Alexander working at the same office as Thomas didn’t help the situation at all. It always got worse when Alexander brought up things that happened at work, their professional and personal lives intersecting way too often. 

The breaking point was your birthday dinner. You’d invited your friends and boyfriend, and one rule was supposed to be agreed on: no fighting during dinner. Things had been a little tense at first, but they had managed to be civil for the most part. It wasn’t until you asked Alex how he’d been doing that he brought up work, and soon enough, the issues he had with Thomas were the forefront of the evening. The two of you left soon after, not wanting things to escalate into a screaming match in public as they often did when Thomas and Alexander argued. As soon as the two of you were safe in your apartment, you turned to Thomas, slightly fuming. 

“It’s my birthday, Thomas!”

“I know that!”

“You guys couldn’t stop arguing for one night!”

“How is it my fault that Alexander brought up work?”

“It’s not, but it’s so damn tiring! I’d like to have one night where my friends and my boyfriend don’t fight, and I couldn’t even get that!”

“I tried, Sugar.”

“Well, maybe you should stop trying.”

Thomas paused for a second. “What are you trying to say?”

“Maybe this wasn’t meant to work out.”

“Don’t do this.”

“Then what am I supposed to do, Thomas? It’s obvious you guys don’t like each other, and I just can’t keep playing mediator here. It’s not fair to you to try to make you get along with people you don’t like at all. I think we should break up.”

“Sugar, you don’t mean that. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want you to be stuck in a situation you hate,” you said, looking down. You knew if you looked at him, you wouldn’t be able to go through with it. You didn’t want to go through with it, but maybe it was the best option for the both of you. You were tired of trying to get people who wanted nothing to do with each other to act civil, and you knew Thomas would rather not interact with your friends if he didn’t have to. “Maybe…”

“Sugar, don’t do this.” Thomas stepped forward, cupping your face in his hands. You refused to meet his eyes, your resolve already wavering. “Please.”

“I don’t know, Thomas. I think this is what needs to happen.”

“We can talk about this tomorrow, after we’ve cooled off a bit. I don’t want to leave you alone on your birthday, but I can tell you don’t want me here right now,” he said, keeping his voice steady. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, and you let your eyes close at the soft show of affection. You were going to miss this. “I wish your birthday would have gone better. I love you, please don’t forget that.”

“I love you too,” you nearly whispered, voice cracking. Thomas brushed his thumb over your cheek before dropping his hands. You didn’t open your eyes until you heard the door to your apartment close, and when you finally did open them, you could feel the tears threatening to spill over. You loved him, but sometimes love alone wasn’t enough to make things work.

**********

It was now going on a month after your birthday and the conversation which came on the day after, and you could safely say you weren’t doing fantastic. It was a really difficult conversation, but you were set on your decision. The look on Thomas’s face when you told him there was no changing your mind broke your heart, but when you were thinking about it alone in your apartment, there was no other way. You refused to put Thomas in a position where he would be getting into constant arguments and have to be around people he didn’t like, and you refused to put yourself in the middle of those arguments.

You tried to pull yourself together to get through work and your social life, but it was more draining than before. You’d hang out for maybe an hour before heading back to your apartment to wallow in self pity. Even though it was your decision, it still hurt like hell. You should’ve known you wouldn’t be able to hide it from your friends, within days they were able to figure out what was going on with minimal confirmation from you. They assumed it was just the fresh wounds of the breakup, but when you simply weren’t getting better, they knew they had to do something. The reality of the situation didn’t really hit until Alexander was at work, though.

Alexander knocked on the door to Thomas’s office, already prepared to argue. Though he would deny it, he enjoyed his arguments with Thomas, especially when he won. If he didn’t, then he hated them and Thomas. Thomas called for him to come in, not even asking who was there. Alexander opened the door, already on edge. “Jefferson, Washington wants your decision on my proposal by the end of the week. I’ll tell you, I know my-”

“I’ll look it over and sign it in the morning. Is that all?”

“You always dismi- wait, did you say you’ll sign it?” There was no fight, and for once Alexander was rendered speechless. “That’s it? You’re just going to sign it?”

“I’m still going to look over it, but most likely, yes.” Alexander just stared at him, making Thomas finally look up from his computer. Alexander was surprised to see the difference in his rival. While Thomas didn’t look torn apart, there was something off about the man, just enough that Alexander could see it. “Is there something wrong, Hamilton? Do you need anything else?”

“No… Just make sure you look over that proposal.” Alexander turned to leave, confused at the entire thing.

“Will do. Thank you.” That made Alexander stop dead in his tracks.

“Dude, what’s wrong with you?”

“Pardon?”

“You know what? Nevermind.” Alexander needed to get out of there before he just ended up even more confused. The second he was back in his office, he sent out an SOS message to a new group chat without you in it. Eliza had made it, figuring you wouldn’t want to hear complaints about your ex when it was obvious you still weren’t over him.

From: Alex Now

I think Jefferson was just nice to me?

From: Peggy Now

Shouldn’t you be working?

From: Alex Now

No, seriously I went to go remind him to sign my proposal and he just said thank you??? And that he’d sign it???

From: John Now

Maybe (y/n)’s not the only one doing bad

From: Laf Now

I wasn’t going to bring it up, but Thomas has been off. James said he’s mainly been staying at the office

From: Eliza Now

:( That can’t be healthy

From: Angelica Now

I really hate to say it, but maybe we should talk to James and Aaron

From: Herc Now

So, uh, why?

From: Laf Now

…

From: Angelica Now

We’ll fill you in when we meet with the others

Alexander was tasked with getting James and Aaron to agree to meeting with them, which was surprisingly easy. It only took a couple days for the two friend groups to meet up at a bar after work. Everyone settled in with small talk, but once they had drinks in front of them, it was time to get to business.

“Okay, Hamilton, what’s this about?” James asked, taking a drink.

“Listen, (y/n) and Thomas both obviously aren’t doing great. They’ve just been wallowing and we need to get them back together,” Alexander explained.

“Didn’t they break up because of your argument on her birthday?” Aaron asked.

“We’re not pointing fingers here-” Alexander tried starting before getting cut off by John.

“Yeah, he picked a fight and then the next day they broke up. (Y/n)’s like my little sister, it sucks seeing her like this. I know you guys are pretty close to Thomas, so I guess it’s not great for you guys either.” Alexander looked at John, offended. “What, dude? It was going fine until you started talking.”

“Alright, we’ve established it’s Hamilton’s fault. But how are we going to get them back together? Thomas is always at the office, it’s not like he’s going anywhere,” James said.

“And we can’t trick (y/n) into just going to the office. She’ll recognize where we’re going immediately,” Hercules chimed in. “Laf, you’re in both these friend groups. What do you think’ll work?”

“I don’t know, they’re both tricky people. I know it won’t be good if we let this last any longer, though.”

“It’s been hard even trying to get (y/n) out of her apartment, but she’s still been hanging out with us every once in a while. It might be a bit easier to work with her,” Peggy jumped in. “Do you guys think you could manage to drag Thomas out?”

“Laf might be better suited to do that,” James admitted. “Thomas always has been more agreeable when the two of them hang out.”

“We might have to do this with all of us present, just so they can’t try to run away when they see each other,” Eliza commented, resting her chin on her hand. “Who knows, maybe they don’t try to run.”

“Wounds might be too fresh for them to just buddy up to each other, though,” Aaron interjected. “They’ll probably try to avoid each other at least.”

“Guys, come on! We have at least five of the most strategic people I know here, we can think of something,” Angelica said. “It doesn’t have to be right now, but we can get them back together.”

“Well, I think-”

“You don’t get an opinion, Alexander,” Angelica cut him off.

**********

You didn’t know why Peggy and Eliza were dragging you out to this new cafe, but you didn’t mind it. You’d talked to Thomas about going once it opened, but now that the two of you weren’t together anymore, you were pretty much avoiding it. You didn’t want to go alone or bother any of your friends to go with you, but since they brought it up, you weren’t going to deny them. When you walked in and saw all the Instagram couples doing their thing, however, you started having second thoughts. 

“So, how are you doing?” Peggy asked as you sat down with your coffees. You took a sip as you wondered how to answer. There was always the option to pretend you didn’t know what she was trying to hint at, but that just meant prolonging the inevitable. You took another sip just to put off answering for a second longer as the sisters looked at you.

“I mean, not really great. Like, I know you guys might not want to hear this, but I honestly miss Thomas,” you explained. “It’s already been a while and I’m not over him yet, and it’s taken longer to get over than my other relationships too, and I don’t know if that means anything.”

“Well, would you want to get back together with him?” Eliza asked, intently watching you.

“I don’t know. I really miss him, but I just got tired with playing mediator between him and Alexander, no offense to your boyfriend,” you explained. “Actually, full offense to your boyfriend, no offense to you.”

“None taken,” Eliza waved you off. “So, you broke up because him and Alexander couldn’t get along?”

“When you put it like that, I guess? I mean, with how much time I spend with you and Alexander, I guess-” 

“Screw Alexander!”

“You already do that,” Peggy couldn’t help but quip. 

“What I mean is screw what Alexander thinks. I’ll be honest with you, it’s obvious that you’re miserable without him. Don’t think I didn’t hear you crying in the bathroom at work,” Eliza said, turning to focus solely on you.

“Okay but keep in mind our clients are idiots, it could’ve been because of them,” you tried arguing.

“Honey, I know they don’t get you that bad,” Peggy said. “If Thomas is who makes you happy, then you should be with him. And if Alexander can’t learn to behave, then we’ll just have to train him.”

“What, like a dog?”

“I would say to muzzle him but that’s considered kinky now.” You couldn’t help but laugh at Peggy’s deadpan delivery. “Seriously, all of us just want to see you happy. Even Alexander. Even if it’s with Thomas.”

“But how would I even go about it? I broke up with him, we haven’t talked in like a month now…” You trailed off, not knowing where you were going with that. Eliza took one of your hands in hers, giving it a soft pat.

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll figure that part out.”

“Wait, what do you mean by that?”

“That’s for you to find out.”

**********

Thomas didn’t know why Lafayette was currently sitting behind his desk, refusing to budge from the spot, but he had work to do and his friend was stopping him from doing that. If he stopped working for too long, his mind began to drift back to you and the ache in his chest started all over again. He didn’t want to think about the way you laughed at his corny jokes, the way you  looked at him with pure adoration, the way you fit perfectly in his arms when he held you at night. He didn’t want to think about the hurt look you had the night of your birthday, the way you didn’t even want to look him in the eyes when you ended things the next day. He didn’t want to think about any of it, so he needed his friend to leave right at that moment.

“Laf, could you please go? I have to get back to work,” Thomas said, groaning in annoyance.

“What work could you possibly have, mon ami? James said you’ve been working nonstop,” Laf replied, spinning in the chair. 

“Don’t you have your own job?”

“I have the day off and thought I’d visit a friend,” Lafayette shot back. “We’re not here to talk about me! Why are you acting like Alexander?”

“Pardon?” Thomas asked, genuinely offended. He had no idea where this comparison was coming from, but he sincerely didn’t want to be compared to the sleep deprived idiot that had the office down the hall. Alexander was normally a sore spot for him, but with everything that happened after your birthday dinner, Thomas was a second away from genuinely resenting the other man.

“Two little birdies told me that someone’s just been working. First into the office, last to leave, almost like someone doesn’t want to be left alone with their own thoughts,” Lafayette explained, now picking up a pen from Thomas’s desk and bouncing it between his fingers.

“It’s weird when you do that?”

“What? Read you to filth?”

“I wasn’t going to phrase it like that but I guess.”

“But you admit it. What’s on your mind?”

“How’s (y/n) doing?”

“Ah, okay that clears everything right up,” Lafayette said with a nod. “She’s not doing great, perhaps just as miserable as you are.”

Thomas didn’t want the little hope that came with Lafayette’s words. If anything, he was a little disgusted with himself for being happy that you were upset - miserable, as Laf had put it. After all, he always said he wanted nothing but your happiness; it was what he told you after you had officially ended things. “What do you mean?”

“I felt that was pretty obvious, non?” Lafayette asked. “It’s not like she’s been a little social butterfly lately. We can barely even get her to come out with us. Kind of like how James and Aaron can’t get you out of the office.”

“Do you think I could-”

“Yes.”

“Does she even want to-”

“Yes.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“Trust me, I do.” With that, Lafayette finally stood from Thomas’s chair. “Come on, let’s get lunch.”

“I can’t, I still have work I need to do.” Thomas was going to sit in his chair, but he stopped dead in his tracks at the look Lafayette was giving him.

“What work? I doubt you have that much work,” Lafayette told him, rolling his eyes. Thomas huffed, straightening back up.

“Fine, let me grab my coat.”

**********

You didn’t know it, but the time for the plan to really go into action was coming up quick. You were now spending your time trying to figure how out you could fix things, but you didn’t know how to take that first step. Would he even be willing to talk to you? Should you try calling him? Texting? Just showing up at his apartment? No, that last one would be a little weird. You still didn’t know what Eliza and Peggy meant by the whole they’d figure it out thing, but you wanted to make it right.

You didn’t think anything of it when John came by on your lunch break to take you out. Your friends had started taking shifts to force you out of your apartment, so it wasn’t anything new. When John mentioned getting drinks once you were done for the day you internally groaned. You wanted to just go home and binge watch the show you’d started watching on Netflix, but knowing John, he wasn’t going to let you do that. You started getting suspicious when he said you should dress up a bit, though.

Even though you didn’t know what he was up to, you followed his directions. Eliza dropped you off at your apartment, telling you John would be there to get you in about an hour. You thought it would be just you and John, but apparently the entire group was in on it. You rolled your eyes, going to quickly shower to freshen up. You didn’t know what exactly John meant by dress up, so you just threw on a knitted sweater and a pair of jeans. The knitted sweater helped hide Thomas’s college t-shirt he left at your apartment.

“So, are you gonna tell me why you’re acting so weird?” you asked John as he drove you wherever you were meeting with the rest of the group.

“I’m not acting weird,” he tried arguing. Even though he couldn’t turn to look at you, he could feel your withering stare. “What?! Is it weird that I wanted you to come out with us?”

“Nah, but it’s weird you told me to dress up.” You rolled your eyes at his obvious deflection. “What’re you guys up to?”

“Oh hey we’re here!” John ignored you as he pulled into the parking lot. You vaguely recognized the area, but couldn’t exactly place it. As soon as you were in the door of the bar, John directed you to get drinks for the both of you while he found your friends. You were about to complain, but when John said drinks would be on him, you really couldn’t.

While you were at the bar, John rushed over to the corner table your friends had gotten. “Alright, she’s here. When’re James and them gonna show up?”

“Aaron said they’re coming in soon,” Angelica reported, looking at her phone. Immediately everyone turned to watch the door. When the three men walked in, they saw James saying something to Thomas, and then Thomas left in the direction of the bar. James and Aaron quickly reached the group.

“Alright, if coincidence isn’t enough to bring them back together, we’ll have to force them,” John said, trying to find you at the bar. Sure enough, you were within a foot of Jefferson.

“Isn’t this us already trying to force them?” Aaron asked.

“Shut up, we’re letting them think it’s coincidence,” Hercules said, taking a drink.

While your friends were scheming, you were just standing at the bar, waiting for your drinks. You were looking at your phone, debating just sending Thomas a text message and asking if he’d be willing to meet you. A few drinks in, and you’d probably send that text message if your friends didn’t stop you. You locked your phone before you could be further tempted, looking around the bar for a decent distraction. You stopped in shock, practically short circuiting as you saw who was two people down from you. Of course.

You tried just looking ahead, hoping he wouldn’t notice you, but your luck really just ran out completely. “(Y/n)?”

You turned, acting like you hadn’t seen him before. “Oh, uh, hey Thomas.”

“What’re you doing here? I mean, not that you’re not allowed to be out or something, I’m just kind of surprised to see you,” he quickly went to correct himself.

“John dragged me out for drinks with everyone. How about you?”

“James and Aaron. They’re actually over… there.” Thomas frowned when he spotted Aaron and James sitting with your friends. You looked over, confused at his tone. When you saw what he did, however, you put the pieces together. “I see they’re with your friends.”

“Yeah, I see that. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” The bartender placed your and John’s drinks on the counter behind you, letting the clank of the glasses on the counter alert you.

“I have a feeling this wasn’t a coincidence,” Thomas confirmed.

“God, they really staged this whole thing.” Thomas was next to get the drinks for him and his friends. “You know, I was actually going to text you right before I saw you.”

“Really?” Thomas asked, a shy little smile on his face that he tried to hide by looking down.

“Yeah. Listen, I’m really sorry. Honestly, I regret ending things, and I know this really isn’t the place to talk about it but you need to know,” you admitted, taking a sip of one of the drinks. You didn’t really care if it was yours or John’s. He could deal with it.

“Sugar, I really don’t know what to say. I’ve missed you so much.” You looked up at Thomas, surprised to see him looking at you the same way he did throughout your relationship - like you were his world. “If your friends went through all this trouble, I’m guessing that won’t be as big of an issue.”

“Yeah, maybe. Do you want to… I dunno?” You honestly didn’t know where you were trying to go with that.

“Let’s get something and go back to mine. You probably haven’t eaten since your break, right?”

“Yeah. We should probably go tell them something,” you said, looking back at the group intently watching the two of you. “I kinda feel like we should mess with them.”

“Oh, definitely,” Thomas agreed. “I’ll let you take the lead on that one, Sugar.”

You nodded, picking up the two drinks you had and making your way back to the table, glaring directly at John. He probably wasn’t the mastermind behind this whole thing, but he was the one to bring you here. You placed his glass down harder than necessary, scanning everyone. “You guys definitely planned this.”

“Well, yeah. It’s not like you guys were gonna make the first move,” Alex chimed in. “By the way, I give you my blessing now.”

“Who the hell said I needed your blessing, Alexander?” You demanded. It was supposed to all be a show, but Alexander saying that really bugged you. “You guys are unbelievable.”

With that, you took the few seconds to down your drink before putting the glass down. You turned on your heel and began walking towards the door, smiling slightly at your friends’ panicked calls of your name. Sure, John was your ride here, but Thomas was going to be your ride home.

Even as they watched you leave, no one made a move to follow you. Though they’d hoped the two of you would make up, there was no keeping you here if you didn’t want to be here. Hercules looked to Thomas. “What’d you say to her?”

“Nothing really. I’m going to leave too. Feel free to have my drink,” Thomas said, putting the glasses down on the table. Though his approach was a lot more subtle than yours, he had to admire your flare for the dramatics. He exited the bar soon after, looking for you. He found you standing a few feet from the door, waiting for him. “Shall we?”

“We shall,” you said, holding your hand out for him to take. As soon as your hand was in his, you couldn’t deny the warmth it sent through you. Oh yeah, this definitely beats just getting drinks with the group.

**********

Once you got to Thomas’s apartment, you had to admit you were getting a little warm. When you took off your sweater, you heard Thomas’s sharp inhale. You turned to look at him. “What’s up?”

“Is… is that my shirt?” he asked, looking you up and down. You looked down at yourself, forgetting what you’d thrown on under your sweater.

“Oh, yeah. Do you have a problem with it? Like, not in a mean way, I’m genuinely asking.”

Thomas opened his arms, silently telling you to take your place in them. Once his arms were wrapped around you, he pressed a kiss to your lips. “Never, Sugar. You look amazing in my clothes.”

You could feel yourself getting flustered, hiding your face in your hands. “Shut up and just start the movie.”

“Not gonna shut up, but okay.” Thomas reached forward to grab the remote, jostling you slightly as he did so. As you heard the sound of the movie start up, you stopped hiding your face, resting your head against his chest. For the first time since your birthday, you felt whole again. You would thank your friends, but they deserved to sweat it for a while.

**********

Permanent Tag List: @treatallwithkindness, @laic2299

[hey-its-nonny]

okay, one political topic (that’s EXTREMELY important to me as an individual) i wanna go into: Religion (and a bit on race, but that’s for like one second)

Before i start, i realize that i’m more than likely gonna lose a few really good friends i’ve made on here because of what i believe. so, if you’re one of the people i’m referring to, (which, that is completely up to you guys to decide.) i’ll miss you, and i’m sorry we couldn’t stay friends because of this. But i will not apologize for my opinion.

So, in America, we live with the freedom of speech. We’re allowed to voice our own opinions and have civil disagreements, because that’s what freedom of speech is.

I understand that with the whole boycotting/cancel culture we’ve developed is for what we believe is good for everyone else. Bad people deserve to be cancelled because of their actions, so we boycott them from our lives. Again, that’s okay for YOU as an individual to do, because it’s your life and you are entitled to your freedom of speech.

For instance, i personally cannot stand One Direction or any of the members as individuals. I was never a fan of their music, never will be. Therefore, i technically have removed them from my social media, my music, and my life in general. And that’s okay because it’s my right to choose what i listen to.

In the same perspective, i’d like to address the way people speak about religion. Over the past few years, we’ve widened our lenses and become so much more accepting of each religion and people group and that’s really great. Now we can be friends, right? Wrong.

I’m not saying Christians are saints and that you don’t stumble upon a bad one every once in a while, but the media accepts and praises every religion and belief except for Christianity. Does that seem fair to you? After so many of you fought so hard for your own acceptance?

I don’t care if my neighbor/coworker/friend/anything is Muslin, Hindu, Buddhist, Islam, Confucian, Christian, or Jewish. I don’t care if my neighbor is black, white, asian, or hispanic. I don’t care if they’re a part of the LBGT+ community. The only difference between us is the color of our skin. Why would i care about that? We’re both different people and we both have different religious beliefs, and that’s perfectly fine with me.

But why isn’t this same respect reciprocated towards Christians?

At the mere mention of someone who’s Christian, people automatically think of a disgusting, homophobic, xenophobic, transphobic, soulless, trash person who shouldn’t even be alive. That’s a bold stance to take. Not only is it unfair to the people you’re judging, it’s just wrong to think that way after how hard you’ve fought for your own rights.

You can’t have it both ways, folks.

If you want equality, then don’t treat people who disagree with you like they’re beneath you. That’s not justice or fairness and you should know that.

My problem is that when someone has a bad encounter with a Christian (one (1) individual), they think all Christians are the exact same and decide to judge Christians as a whole instead of judging each individual person by their character and how they behave. It’s like a mother punishing all of her children for a crime that only one of the children committed.

Do you see my problem? I get that there are bad Christians out there, and i understand that no one should be treated the way some Christians/Conservatives treat anyone who differs from their beliefs, and I’m sorry you personally experienced that. But is it fair for you to try and come at me for something someone else did? Or even further more judge an entire group of people for a crime that one person committed against you?

No. It’s not.

My point is don’t stand there and get pissed off about your religion not being accepted in America, then call the one it was founded on garbage.

If you don’t like it, leave.

I am entitled to my opinions ^^ and if you disagree with them, i’m okay with that. you are entitled to have your opinion and to make your voice heard just like i do. If you don’t like my opinions then just leave. Again, to the friends I might lose to this, i’m sorry that this came between our friendship.

[moldisgoodforyou]

lost time (chapter two)

pairing: rafe cameron x oc

warnings: drinking, cursing, mentions of sex

wordcount: 1.6k

MASTERLIST

_______

By some strange coincidence, Rafe and Sophie were in the same section of their debate class. (Some might call it fate. Sophie would call it a curse.)

It was one of the less popular general education options in the communications section that all Ohio State students had to pick from, but they were both drawn to the idea of the challenge while enrolling. The class was fairly small for a gen ed, only about 40 students. When Rafe walked in on the first day, two minutes to start, he spotted Sophie immediately. She was poised with her notebook laid out, colored pens and all, and Rafe couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He deliberately sat opposite the room from Sophie, hoping and praying they would never be paired together. It was fun to argue about useless things at parties, but less fun in an educational setting. About a month into the semester, the thing he wanted least, happened. 

“Rafe Cameron...and…” Their professor trailed off, scanning around the room to find him a partner for the timed debate. Sophie kept her eyes trained on the doodles in the margin of her notebook, only halfway paying attention as she added another. She had been chosen once at the beginning of the semester and briefly entertained the short debate, something trivial about reality TV, but was left disappointed by her partner’s lackluster effort. “Sophie Flint!” 

At the mention of her name, her head snapped up, caught off guard. “Hm?” 

“You’ll be debating Mr. Cameron, here. Come up to the podiums please.” Their professor instructed. 

She sighed under her breath and rose from her seat as Rafe did the same, both of them standing at the podiums at the front of the classroom. Sophie laced her fingers behind her back, lifting her chin slightly to acknowledge Rafe. He just smirked. Asshole. 

“Alright, you two know the rules, keep it civil. Five minutes.” Their professor glanced down at her list of topics. “You’ll be debating...ah. Should golf be a sport or not? I’ll let you pick your sides -” 

They spoke at the same time. 

“Of course it should.” 

“God, no.” 

She held back an amused smile. “Alright. Carry on.” 

Sophie nodded curtly, then turned slightly toward Rafe, stating her position. “Golf courses are an absolute waste of real estate.” 

“Hold up - Professor Welch, are we talking about the sport or the course?” Rafe interrupted the debate, annoyed as he tugged at his cap. 

Their professor just shrugged. 

“Well you can’t have the sport without a course. Unless you want to play completely in the rough, which, with your skill level, you probably -” 

“Ms. Flint.” Professor Welch warned. 

Sophie barely held back a smirk. “Right. Anyways, courses are about 100, 200 acres on average? And say there’s at least 32,000 courses in the world. So by that standard…” she paused for a moment, doing the mental math. “You have roughly four and a half million acres of land occupied by golf courses.” 

Rafe raised his eyebrows, curling his fingers around the edge of the podium as he leaned slightly toward her. “I don’t see an issue with that. Golf is a valuable, fairly low-impact sport that provides an outlet for many. It’s accessible even past retirement, so it’s a sport that grows with you.” 

“Except the sport is classist. It’s expensive and typically located near neighborhoods that at least have a middle-class income. It’s only accessible past retirement if you have the option to retire, or if you retire with enough spare change to keep up the hobby.” She explained, almost seeming bored. “Not to mention, golf courses are destroying the environment.” 

“No they’re not.” He shot back. 

She raised her eyebrows at the meager comeback. “They are. What’s the one thing you need the most to keep the fairways groomed?” 

Rafe thought for a moment. “Water. But you can just use rainwater -” 

“Great, except most courses don’t.” She interrupted, rolling on. “It’s a huge waste of resources just to water the grass, instead of using that land for farming or preserving the biodiversity of the area.” 

“Thirty seconds.” Their professor chimed in, keeping an eye on her watch. 

Rafe hurried to make his point, knowing he was losing the debate by miles, but Sophie cut him off before he could even speak. “Not to mention, circling back to the sport being elitist, most courses require a country club membership to even play a round -” 

“You belong to a country club, Flint, that’s hardly a leg you can stand on.” Rafe interjected just as their professor called time, a broad smirk tugging at his lips as he sensed Sophie’s frustration at not getting the last word. 

“Enlightening.” Professor Welch turned back to the class. “Show of hands, who won?” The majority of the class voted for Sophie, only a few frat boys raising their hands in support for Rafe. The bell rang and their professor nodded as the class started to pack up and shuffle out. “Right then, don’t forget to read chapters three and four this weekend!” 

Sophie just rolled her eyes at Rafe’s smirk and grabbed her backpack, starting off down the hallway with a satisfied smirk of her own. Sure, he might have gotten the last dig, but she clearly had a stronger argument. 

“Sophie!” She didn’t need to glance over her shoulder to know it was Rafe calling out after her. “Flint!” She ignored him again as he jogged to catch up until she felt his large hand grip her arm. “Hey, I’m talking to you.” 

She yanked her arm out of his grip but turned around anyways. “Get your hands off - oh.” She mumbled the last word as she saw her phone clutched in his hand. 

“Chill out, you just left this behind.” Rafe offered it to her and she took it, giving him a short smile. 

“Right. Thanks.” 

“Hey, um. You did good, I didn’t know all that stuff.” He tried, offering her a rare compliment. 

“It’s well.” She corrected before she could stop herself. 

“Huh?” 

“Well. I did well, not good.” The second it left her mouth, she regretted it.

Rafe scowled slightly at the correction. “Whatever. See you next class.” He headed off, shaking his head. She stood there for a moment, watching him go and silently cursed herself in her head. Would it be that difficult to accept the compliment?

_________

“You need to get over yourself and just go say hi.” Sophie’s friend and roommate, Julia, interrupted her train of thought as Sophie was completely zoned out later that night, staring across the bar at Rafe. He wasn’t even doing anything remotely interesting, just talking with his friends and drinking the Wednesday special dollar beers, but there was something about the backwards cap - that damn backwards cap - that did it for her. 

Sophie shook her head absently, taking a moment until she redirected her gaze. “Huh?” 

Her other roommate, Allie, shook her head with a smile at Sophie’s delayed reaction. 

“Oh my god.” Julia snapped in front of her face to get her attention. “Look, if you’re not going to make a move, can I?” 

“Can you - what? With Rafe? Rafe Cameron? Like, my Rafe?” Sophie stuttered, slightly in shock. “Why?” 

“Have you seen him? He’s cute. And he’s always been nice at parties. I need a date for the Theta party this weekend, please?” Julia asked, shooting a glance over at Rafe. He caught her eye but his gaze shifted over to Sophie for a moment as he sent her a nod of acknowledgment and a raise of his glass.

“I - um, fine, yeah, whatever.” Sophie knocked back the rest of her drink as a final statement, not wanting the conversation to last any longer as she flushed just slightly under Rafe’s stare. “I’m getting more, do you guys want something?” 

After a chorus of no’s from her friends, she pushed her way up to the bar alone. A few moments later, Rafe sidled up next to her, ordering a drink and leaning against the bar to face her. Sophie tried  her best to ignore him, keeping her gaze trained on the glowing neon signs behind the bar. 

“Not gonna say hi?” Rafe asked. 

It took everything in her for Sophie not to roll her eyes as she turned slightly toward him. “Hi, Cameron. Are you free this Friday?” 

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Are you asking me out?” 

That was enough to warrant an eyeroll. “No.” (She bit back the ‘no, stupid’ that threatened to roll off her tongue.) “My friend Julia doesn’t have a date for the Theta party. Are you down?” 

“Oh, shit, yeah.” He turned as their drinks arrived, sliding enough cash across to cover both of them. “The taller one, right?” 

Sophie tried to grab his cash back and cover her half before the bartender could take it, but she noticed too late. “Yes, the tall one. Here.” She shoved the $5 bill into Rafe’s hand. He just pushed it back into hers, taking her hand and closing it into a fist around the bill. “Rafe, I don’t want your money,” she tried again. 

He grinned. “So you can cover me next time we go out, then. What’s Julia’s number?” 

“Right.” She sighed and gestured for his phone. He handed it over easily. “Um, I don’t know it off the top of my head and they have my purse, but. Here’s mine and I’ll pass it on.” She typed her number into his phone quickly, saving her contact then handing it back.  

Rafe nodded with an easy grin, hand lingering for a moment as he took back the phone. “Even better. See ya Friday, Soph.” He gently bumped his elbow against hers, hands full, before heading back to his crew. It wasn’t lost on Sophie that she was left standing there, again, without the last word.

taglist: @oopsiedoopsie23​ @butgilinsky​ @taiter-tots​ 

[mythiccheroacademia]

Is this really better?

A/N: After many requests for a part 2, here it is! I’m sorry I made you all wait so long for more heartbreak but gotta keep y’all on ya toes ;) Before you kill me, take comfort in knowing the final part is in the works. I like sad endings, but I won’t do that to y’all...this time. 

Also, the class 1-A girls really rep the “chicks before dicks” motto (as all women should). I remember I had to tell my friends to chill when I told them an ex of mine cheated on me. We made up half the class and I wasn’t trying to see anyone cry. It was deep, but it wasn’t that deep💀 So that part is a bit of an anecdote. 

As always, enjoy sugar plums 🖤

Paring: Sero X Fem!Reader

Warning: cursing, angst 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Is this really better?

The second you stepped out of Sero’s room, there was this relentless buzzing in your ears, filling your head with noise that made your head pound. You could tell someone—maybe Kaminari? Or was that Ojiro? You couldn’t fucking see—was trying to ask you what happened, your tears were thick. Forget hearing him.

All that you could do was walk. Your body had gone into autopilot, it’s only mission to get you out of his proximity, without raising alarm, as quick as humanly possible.

You didn’t know how or when, but soon enough, you threw open the door to the girls’ dorms. It was only 8:00pm, just before Aizawa would preform room checks, so the common room had been cleared to give him the impression everyone was tucked away in bed. It was a blessing. You bolted towards your room, desperate to shove your head under the covers and cry until you couldn’t.

Nearly five sprints down the hallway, you ran into Momo and Mina. The two had just come back from their shower and were talking about the movie the some of the girls were supposed to have later that night. However, they were startled when they saw you stumble back, tears drowning your cheeks.

“Y/N! Girl, what’s wrong!?” Mina asked, quick to hold your arm.

You shook your head, attempting an embarrassingly pathetic smile. “N-nothing. I’m good. I’m just—”

“You’re obviously not,” Momo interrupted, brows furrowing in worry. She took your hand from your eyes, so you had no choice but to leave your face bare. “Didn’t you have a date with Sero? Did something happen?”

The trembling of your lips told them everything they needed to know.

“Sero—Sero and I—"

The mere mention of his name threw you back to the past hour. Now that the buzzing had stopped, you were forced to think of everything that transpired.

Being excited about your date with Sero. Getting ready for your date with Sero. Waiting for Sero. Sero not showing up. Going to Sero’s room. Fighting with Sero. Breaking up with Sero. Sero. Sero. Sero.

Everything that had been built up came crashing down.

Your friends immediately took you into their arms when you crumbled, sobbing into their embrace as your feelings poured out. For a while, you had been so scared that he was losing interest—that school and life had increased his disinterest with you. And when he so quickly, so confidentially, agreed to break up with you, you felt your worst fears come to life. It hurt too much to think about it, so you let your heartbreak fill the air as you wept.

…

For the weekend, you kept to yourself. You only came out when needed. News of the root of your recent behavior got around to the all the 1-A girls and they were determined to keep you as healthy and supported as possible while respecting your wish for space. You were very thankful for them. You didn’t know what you would have done without their friendship.  

When Monday came around, the girls were hyping you up. It would be the first time seeing Sero since the breakup. You knew you looked horrible. Your eyes were swollen, your hair was barely put together, and you looked like you rolled out bed. Because you did. But you appreciated their efforts. Nevertheless, there was something you needed to address before class started.  

“Thanks everyone. But, could I ask y’all a favor?”

“Sure!”

“Whatever you need!”

You scratch the back of your neck. “I don’t want to start anything. I just wanna get through the day. So, maybe just act normal when he comes around, yeah?”

Everyone looked at Mina. She felt cornered.

“What!? It was one death threat!”

The stares get judgmental and she rolls her eyes.

“Fine, ugh. I’ll be…civil,” she sighs.

“Thank you,” you said, giving a small smile. You really did have the best friends.

Not too long after, you heard Sero’s laugh before you saw him. You quickly looked away from the entrance. Luckily, Ochaco was there with a distracting conversion.  

Sero walked in with Kirishima and Kaminari beside him. The trio giggled at whatever dumb joke the blonde cracked. However, he was brought out of his laughter when he saw you. Thinking about the guilt in his chest coupled with the agony of seeing you so…miserable made his heart flare. And not in a good way.

He tried to smile at you, holding onto the tiny ray of hope that maybe you didn’t completely hate his guts, but it was cut off as Jirou conveniently stepped in his line of sight, blocking you from his vision.

He wilted, blinking back the sting in his eyes.

Kirishima patted his back in comfort. “It’s okay, man. We’ve got you.”

“If it helps, I think they’re mad at all of us. On Sunday, Bakugo tried to ask Mina for his water bottle back and she made Ochako text Midoriya to give it to him. Midoriya bro,” Kaminari said. “He was pissed.”

Sero frowned. “Didn’t think it was possible, but now I feel worse.”

Kirishima punched the blonde’s shoulder.

That was how the day went.

You and Sero ignored each other. Your friends would keep you too distracted. It was hard to deal with and there was awkward tension during homeroom. It was like everyone was walking on eggshells with one another. It didn’t help that Todoroki—as dense as he was—asked Momo why you two had been avoiding each other. To make matters worse, you two were within earshot.

It was the first time Momo ever scolded him. He decided to mind his business after that. He didn’t like feeling like an asshole. Midoriya told him it a good lesson into recognizing social cues.

There was also that one time Bakugo confronted you in the hallway and went on a rant about how you and “soy sauce’s” misery was “fucking distracting.” You were so caught off guard that you didn’t have time to defend yourself before an angry cloud of pink got in his face.

Mina’s speech started with, “How dare you—” and ended with, “You insensitive son of a bitch.”

It was also Bakugo’s first in feeling like an asshole. He made the intelligent decision to walk away.

That happened on Tuesday. It was only Wednesday, when you and Sero unintentionally and unanimously exchanged quick, close-lipped, smiles just so your classmates didn’t kill each other. It was uncomfortable and painful, but it was more of a relief to feel the tension in the room subside—if only a little bit.

For the rest of the week, you two tried to be civil. You were to your own devices. Sero thought you looked well on your way to moving on. If he didn’t know any better, you kind of looked happier. More than you had been in a while. A week passed and your eyes stopped swelling. You started putting make up on again and you laughed. You actually laughed.

Maybe Sero did feel hurt that you looked like you were moving on so quickly. And yes, maybe he spent some nights locking himself in his room so he could cry over how stupid he felt for ever letting himself hurt you. Had you always been miserable because of him? Of course, the constant weight in his chest was suffocating to the point that even looking at you made him feel like he’d pass out.

But damn it if your laugh wasn’t the sweetest sound.

If it meant losing his smile, if meant feeling heartache, and if it meant dealing with the fact that he’d never get to kiss you again, then this was for the best

...

At least, that’s what he thought until he came back from his internship to see you on the bench outside of the dorm building. It was late and dark, but the moon was bright enough to cover your skin in a soft creamy glow. It made his heart flutter. 

It was also light enough for him to see the tears in your eyes.

The voice inside his head, his common sense, was telling him to haul his ass in the dorm and leave you alone. He was probably the last person you wanted to see, justifiably. However, it’d be the first time he left you alone to cry. And, that didn’t sit well in his spirit.

That’s how he found himself by the bench, startling you with a soft, “Hey.”

He watched a tear fall and chose to ignore it as you wiped it away.

“Uh, hi?” you replied, voice stuffy with tears.

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

Sero couldn’t look away from you, no matter how bad the tension felt. Your hair texture, the richness of your skin, the unique curve of your lips, the laugh lines on your cheek, the shape of your eyes, the little scar by your temple…God, have you always been this beautiful? Why did he let you go like that?

“I, um, just came back from my internship and um—” you just love sounding like a fucking idiot, don’t you? “—you looked cold. Here, take my jacket,” he whispered, like he was out of breath.

Thank God he was actually wearing one. Sero quickly took off his coat and was about to put it around your shoulders—like he had always done.

But you held up a hand. “It’s okay. I’m fine,” you said.

Of course, he could tell you were uncomfortable by the dip in your voice. Call it denial or plain stupidity, but Sero couldn’t accept your words. He saw the goosebumps on your legs. Now, whether that was from the breeze or something else, he didn’t know.

“Don’t be silly,” his smile was disarming. “Take it. It’s like 50-something degrees.”

“Thank you, but I’m okay.”

Just back away, Sero.

“You know you can just give it to me tomorrow—”

“Sero.”

What are you doing!?

“I really think you should take it—”

“I really don’t think I should—”

Dude!

“If you’re worried about returning it—”

“Like, I said—”

“You can just give it to Mina—”

“I—”

“And—”

“Hanta!!”

Suddenly, he resurfaced. Sero was back in reality, his jacket still in his arms. He blinked, finding the desperation in your watery eyes as you stared back.

What the hell are you doing?

“Please, just…stop,” you whispered. You looked away in fear he’d see the tears falling down your face. “Stop acting like you care.”

There was a pregnant pause before the black-haired hero took a step back, hair shadowing his gaze.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said. His voice was almost carried by the breeze because it was so soft. “I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries”

You shook your head, still looking away. “It’s fine.”

You just wanted him to leave. So, that’s what he did.

Sero, quietly led himself up the front steps. When his fingers touched the doorknob, he paused.

“Y/N,” he said, one last time.

You looked back, frustrated over his persistence. “What?” you bit.

What you saw made your eyes widen. Sero let his own tears freely fall. But that wasn’t what made your heart stop. No. It was the wide, triangular, smile that accompanied it. Despite the sorrow in his eyes, his smile shined bright and genuine beneath them.

“It can’t be an act if I never stopped.”

With that, he disappeared behind the door, leaving you with nothing but his words.

You buried your face in your hands and cried.

[dashboardonfire]

Finally watched MacGyver 5x03

You might have read some of these sentences before, so bear with me ;-)

I don't think the episode itself is too bad regarding the storyline. Bit of wonky writing but we're used to that by now *lol*. What I do hate is how they keep deconstructing the characters and praising a toxic relationship. 

I always assumed “the scene” was an undercover mission and that there might be no kiss after all for MacRiley, so not really surprised. It was a bit disappointing though that they used this short scene for the promotion of the entire episode since nothing came of it. 

They got some flack from fans that the first two episodes were too Desi- and Russ-centered. Maybe they felt they had to not press too much on the kidnapping storyline? This was the main storyline though; did the guest-stars even get any mentions?

What's worse is that the writers fed into it by re-posting and tweeting so much; feeding the frenzy of MacRiley fans. And then wondering about the repercussion. Of course we would be disappointed, what did they expect? *lol* And in my opinion, the fans stayed mostly civil. If they were put off by this and blocking people, they’ve never experienced full fandom rage *loL*.

What I do hate is how they keep deconstructing the characters. MacRiley fan or not, we all know it wasn't Desi who led Mac back from Codex. Who went after him to get him back. Bozer enabling MacDesi aka Mes(s)y is weird. And why does Mac keep apologizing to Desi? She should cut him some slack, at least - or start apologizing herself for once. Yes, there's stuff he could have handled better - if his mental health had been firing on all cylinders. He did what he could to save his loved ones and the world, so for the greater good. Isn't that was Desi as a soldier would have done, too? 

And I’m fine with rebooted Mac not being a Macho hero, but why does he have to beg for Desi spending time with him; date or no date? I get that Desi doesn't like fishing or painting but that wasn't the point... how often do we do stuff that we don't really like that much with partners, family or friends? Because it's about spending time with each other... time is precious once you start adulting. Especially if you’re working in the spy-agency-fake-Think-Tank-business.

It’s understandable that Mac keeps clinging to someone after losing so much lately. Yes, some people are not good with their emotions or with relationships. But the way she treats him... shouldn’t Bozer try to intervene? Why do the others keep making him feel like it was his fault the relationship fell apart? 

As I said, I'm fine with rebooted Mac not being a macho hero but everyone enabling Desi's emotional abuse and neglecting Riley's good influence on Mac's mental health is weird. Desi keeps gaslighting Mac and the others are following along instead of acknowledging and helping. It’s like Lenkov against Lucas come to screen. It would be an amazing point if they tried to show us that how Desi treats Mac is wrong but I don’t think that’s what they’re doing. And I doubt they’re going to write Levy out of the show. It would be a pity to lose Levy because I like her a lot but I have no clue how they still think they can redeem Desi enough for fans to like and accept her, no matter if she stays dating Mac or not.

That's it for now. More of my ramblings on my blog, in the MacGyverOnline forums and on Twitter. You know where to find me ;-)

[echo-three-one]

The Bounty Hunter - 3

The abandoned mine was Barkov's consistent trading area for water and Alex decided to give it a visit. What would they discover inside?

Series Masterlist

Part 3

The blistering heat of the sun was already permeating through Alex's clothes. The flannel was admittedly suitable for warm weather, but this kind of intense heat was already too much that he already took off his vest.

Soap was already a few meters ahead of him when he decided to stop and grab his flask of water, gulping it down thirstily as excess drops trickled all over his chin down to his neck until it dried out just by his chest.

"Haaaah. This heat is killing me!" He sighed as the refreshing liquid cooled his system.

"Hey! We're almost there!" Soap waved from afar, his deep tone was barely audible in the vast plains, but Alex kind of got the idea.

"Wait up!" He yelled as he let his horse gallop through the gap between them as Soap stopped for a drink. No wonder Barkov liked the abandoned mine as a pick up point, it was so far from civilization that no one would ever waste their time going there.

"Of all the days we decide to go there, It's gotta be the one with zero clouds." Soap complained as they slowly galloped through the empty field, the only thing present was a few cactuses, tumbleweeds and a small bit of the mine they're supposed to go to.

"Is it that one?" Alex asked, squinting as he was pointing at the little dot over the horizon. Soap nodded and turned to him.

"Aye. Looks a wee bit far, eh? That's the top of the mountain. The entrance is quite near." He assured as his horse neighed and they trotted faster.

"Okay, lead the way then." Alex muttered.

"So, you and Kate?" John asked. Alex found a hint of hesitation in his voice, like he wanted to know what's up but he also doesn't want to hear the news. 

"We uh… " Alex pondered. He was treading on thin ice here, considering John was her childhood and only friend, and him getting in the way between them was getting awkward. However, John's easy denial earlier hinted to the bounty hunter that there was still doubt, hope and lingering feelings. Not that this mattered at the moment, but to piss John off meant losing his guide home.

"... we're figuring things out. Everything happened in a flash. It's not that things could escalate-" Alex muttered only to be met by John's palm.

"Shh.." He whispered as they trotted across the mine entrance. John stepped down from his horse and stared at the horses near the cave.

"We've got company. And it's not good." John immediately stepped back and rode his horse, urging the mammal to move away from the mines as fast as possible.

"Hey hey hey! What's wrong?!" Alex quickly followed as John found himself a hiding spot by the rocks.

"Karim and her partner's in there. Probably mapping out the whole place. I can't afford to be seen helping you out." he whispered as he peeked once more, pulling the horse down within visible range.

"It's a dead end anyway. You can't explore with her around. She'll never let you in." John added. Alex quickly got down his horse and gave John a quick pep talk.

"Look, if Karim claims to be a bounty hunter she'll accept help. Especially that she's after the most notorious of them all. Trust me. Now tie down that horse and guide me within the mines. I'll take care of you when she asks." John looked up and stared at Alex's eyes. He'd been good at detecting liars as some of the bar customers exhibit such tactics to get free drinks, but what Alex was exhibiting was pure genuinity. 

"Fine. I've only been here once. Let's hope nothing has changed since I last got here." He got up and tightened his pants, pulling his horse by the reins and tied it to the fence.

"Got a light?" Alex asked as he pulled a lantern off of his horse's bag, allowing John to spark up his lighter to ignite the flame.

"I'll stay near." He handed the lantern to the bartender as they navigated the dark mines.

Hot dry air encircled the duo as they pressed deeper into the cave. The only sound was their footprints along with the occasional drops of water from the ceiling. So far, the route only offered a straight path, slowly descending into the deeper part of the cave network.

"This is the most absurd place to trade water." Alex muttered, his voice echoed across the tunnel.

"Who's there?!" A distinct female voice with an accent roared, followed by the echoes of what sounded like guns clicking.

"It's me John from the bar!" He yelled, his hands easily raised to surrender despite not seeing Farah or any light source ahead of him.

"What are you doing here?" A male voice followed. Alex raised an eyebrow, questioning the presence of Karim's partner.

"He's taking me on a tour." Alex declared, defending John from the threatening male voice.

"I half expected I'd see you here, Alex." Farah said as she invited them into their location. John led the way to a small opening leading to an open area where light peeked through a huge crack by the mountain, revealing a huge functioning train track with trolleys already ready for the next drop.

"Whoever's dealing with Barkov is ready. These trolleys weren't here yesterday." The male partner informed them as they approached the area to investigate.

"Gaz, this is Alex. He's also after Barkov." Farah introduced as the men had a staring contest which ended with a nod. Gaz and Alex acknowledged the competition and decided that being selfish isn't going to be of any help.

"Nice to meet you." Alex greeted him.

"You too." Gaz replied with his arms crossed.

"Where does it lead?" Alex asked as he kicked the wheels, testing its capability to move.

"Tracks split into two different cave networks. The other one led deeper into the mine while the other one led to the worker's quarters." Gaz informed, pointing to the two entrances not far from the beginning of the tracks.

"We already explored the quarters yesterday and it turned out empty. If you want to see it for yourself, go ahead. We'll be investigating the other route." Gaz and Farah paced to the other entrance leaving Alex and John behind.

"What's your call?" John looked at Alex with an expression of relief, wondering how Farah let this man work with her. 

"Let's check out the quarters." Alex muttered as they made their way to the other side of the fork on the road.

Not too far from the entrance, the track ends on a wall in the middle of a huge room that once housed tired miners. Rusty lockers, broken tables and ripped hammocks surrounded the area as John illuminated it with their lantern.

"I'm no investigator but I see no sense creating train tracks here so close to the start." He muttered, checking out some items sprawled around the room. Alex just stared at the huge wall pondering about John's initial thoughts. Something the two of them noticed upon entry.

"Well, I guess my trail ends here. Let's head home." He muttered, exiting the scene as John quickly followed him back.

"What about the other route?" John asked, catching up to him.

"Not worth checking." He dismissed, silencing the curious man.

"Well, if that's the case then… is it safe to assume you wasted your time here?" John asked.

"Not really. What's important is that they're still using this route this month." Alex mounted on his horse as they both went back to town.

~

"This meal tastes delicious, Kate!" John exclaimed as he chewed happily on his meal. Once they got back, Kate invited them over for lunch, something that the two needed.

Alex eyed Kate and nodded as Kate smiled at the thought of it.

"I haven't prepared a meal for others in quite a while. I'm glad I still had it in me." She shyly commented as the two clearly appreciated her meal.

"So, what did you find out there? Guessing from the pace of your eating, you had a tough time?" She asked.

"Well the weather was particularly hot today, so that basically burned us out." Alex replied, downing a glass of water.

"Did Isabelle treat you well?" She asked with a smile. Alex could clearly see something forming once again between them and he was truly convinced that this was more than just basic attraction.

"Yeah. She's a good horse. Never made a problem for me." Alex chuckled as Kate hovered her hand against his.

"Good." she smiled as their eyes met. He was slightly worried that John would feel odd about this, but he trusted his words were genuine. His words saying that he could never go to her as more than a friend.

"Thanks for lunch, Kate. Delicious as always. I've got to get some sleep now. I've been awake for almost a whole day." he chuckled as he grabbed his hat and left the kitchen, leaving the two alone.

"So… what's next for the cowboy?" She purred, as her hands tightened against his. Alex quickly reciprocated as their hands intertwined with one another.

"A bath and a nap… and maybe something along the way?" he raised an eyebrow as a wide suggestive grin flashed on his face.

"I like how you think." She smiled as she slowly straddled on his lap and reached out for a kiss.

The rest of the day went by and by the time Alex woke up, it was already midnight. Kate was sound asleep beside him and a quick peek at the window revealed to him a person guarding the tower. He thought about the abandoned mine, the night raids and Barkov. Something didn't make any sense. A town raid where nothing gets stolen. And these townspeople just let this thing happen? It just didn't make sense.

So, he dressed up and went to the most sensible place to ponder.

"Welcome to the Saloon 141. Can I get you anything?" Soap greeted as Alex pushed the double doors and sat on the bar.

"The usual." He muttered as Soap expertly brewed his drink and set it in front of him.

"Barkov's resupply is almost near. Any final preparations?" Soap whispered as Alex gulped a shot and asked for another.

"I have a feeling he won't do it this time. The mine looked like a trap." He muttered as Soap frowned.

"You think Barkov knew?" His voice was shaky. No doubt he was afraid that somehow Barkov would track him down.

"One way or another, yeah." 

"What about Farah and Gaz? Why didn't you warn them?" 

"They knew it. That's why they let us in. The only thing they can do there is look for evidence." he muttered as he downed another shot.

"So the elusive one escaped again…" he sighed. 

"I've had enough of these raids man, I just wanted to sleep peacefully." John added, groaning in frustration.

"Speaking of raids… when was the last?" Alex asked.

"A few months ago… The sheriff actually captured one of the members. They're from another town. The captured man was promised protection if he joined the cause." 

"And I assume that cause is unknown." 

"Aye. Sheriff Price tried everything to let the guy talk but this one was a blind follower. He had nowhere to go, that's why he joined. It's some sort of cult thing." 

"A raid without anything stolen…" Alex scratched his chin.

"Maybe they're stealing people? Because we hide when they arrive, so they have no one to steal?" Soap suggested. It made sense, maybe the raids are just ways to recruit people to join a cause. That's one way to recruit, by force. Especially when you have no resources like money to make them commit.

"That's a good idea." Alex said as he placed his payment and bid his bartender friend goodbye.

~

As soon as the sun rose up, the whole town was greeted by a corpse sprawled in the middle of the road. As soon as Alex got there, the Sheriff had already investigated the scene and held John for an interview.

Rumors quickly spread that this was John's friend from another town, the one that works for someone that deals water to Barkov. The murmurs also revealed a note drawn in blood saying "Not today, Bounty Hunter." Which the whole town assumed to be Farah and Gaz.

They left them alone back on the mines yesterday and he hadn't heard from them since. He quickly dashed back to his inn and asked Kate for permission to borrow her horse.

"Kate, can I borrow Isabelle for a while?" He quickly got up to Kate, who was already dressed and carrying a bag.

"Are you going to the mines? I'll come with you." She said. Alex had a lot of questions going on in his mind but the urgency of the matter made him dismiss it.

"Okay. But-" He asked.

"Sheriff Price radioed me. Farah and Gaz might be in danger."

Part 3 - The Mines, Gaz and Barkov's message

[aimeelouart]

The Calamity’s Cursed Child, Part 2 - 1672 words, ASGZC, Cursed to Strife continuity

[Part 1] [Read it on Ao3]

--

It turned out that Cloud had showed up in the middle of nowhere, because Zack’s house just so happened to be in the middle of nowhere. Cloud wasn’t too surprised⁠—whatever the details of his curse, it tended to spit him out in the unluckiest possible position. Such as right on top of Strife’s empty grave.

It really was uncanny.

Zack explained, in their brief hike back to the house, that they all preferred the privacy and security of living in the middle of nowhere. They made trips back to civilization occasionally, to see their AVALANCHE friends or get supplies, but for the most part they were self-sufficient. It sounded...nice. Idyllic, almost. Cloud tried not to dwell on that for too long.

They paused at the front door and Zack looked at him nervously. He raised an eyebrow in response. They’re your boyfriends to wrangle, he conveyed with that eyebrow. Zack deflated a little. “Okay,” he said. “Uh. Just...be ready to dodge if you have to.”

Sephiroth moved from standing at his side to standing in front of him protectively, which was...a little trippy, but he rolled with it.

Zack took a deep breath and promptly slammed the door open, hollering “DON’T FREAK OUT!”

Cloud wasn’t entirely sure how that was supposed to help, but it was such a Zack move that he couldn’t help but grin and stifle a snort. Sephiroth was also suppressing a smile.

“What?” came a call from further in the house, laced with alarm.

“Zack what did you do!” someone else called, footsteps pounding down the stairs from the second floor.

“Nothing, just don’t freak out!” Zack said, stopping a few feet in the entryway. Cloud peered curiously out from behind Sephiroth’s towering frame. That was a mistake, maybe. Two sets of eyes from two alarmed former commanders locked on him as they came rushing into the front room.

“You!” they said, nearly as one.

“Seph, look out!” Angeal cried, pulling a broadsword from a nearby rack and blurring forward as Genesis cast a reflexive spell. 

Cloud sighed. Sephiroth raised a Barrier. Zack quickly got between Angeal and the door, parrying with his own broadsword. “What did I literally just say about freaking out!” he scolded.

“Strife is⁠—!”

“He is not Strife,” Sephiroth said firmly, projecting his voice. He held one arm up in a very clearly protective gesture. “Calm down. I know how this looks, but he is not Strife.”

Cloud stepped out from behind Sephiroth so that the other two could see him, keeping his hands loose at his side. If they got a good look at him, they might calm down quicker. Assuming Strife was anything like Sephiroth, his battered clothing and timeworn face would be a very stark difference. He glanced between them and waited patiently.

Angeal’s hostility eased almost immediately, confusion furrowing between his brows. He lowered his broadsword. Genesis took a few seconds longer, eyes sweeping up and down Cloud several times before they settled on his face. Slowly, he frowned.

“I’m not your Strife,” Cloud said simply.

“Yeah!” Zack agreed, bounding over to sling an arm around his shoulders. “Can’t you tell by the cute face? And, you know, the lack of raging insanity and murderous intent?”

“Zack,” Cloud said reprovingly, elbowing his side. “That’s not helpful.”

Angeal huffed a laugh, then looked startled with himself for it. Zack pumped a fist victoriously. “Yes!” He cheered. “Okay, now that no one is trying to kill anyone else, this is Cloud but he’s from a different dimension and he’s going to sleep on the couch until he leaves.”

Cloud sighed and put his face in his hands. Even four hours of sleep was not enough to deal with Zack when he was like this. “Zack, please stop tormenting your boyfriends.”

“Aww, don’t worry Cloudy. They’re used to it!” He leaned in and added, sotto voce, “they’d be way more alarmed if I wasn’t acting like this.”

“Alright, Zack, you’ve made your point,” Genesis said, eyeing Cloud. “Enough with the theatrics. If he is not Strife, he deserves better hospitality than being left to linger on our doorstep.”

Both Commanders looked cautious but not hostile as Cloud was herded inside and Sephiroth shut the door behind them. Angeal was the first to step forward, after laying his broadsword on the coffee table. “Cloud?” he asked hesitantly, reaching a hand out toward his face but pausing half way.

“It’s fine,” Cloud told him. It was hardly the first time the grieving and the lonely had seen echoes of their lost lover, parent, or child in him. It seemed a theme, to be given what belonged to others⁠—both gentle touches and hateful wounds. “But you should know I never had a romantic relationship with any of your counterparts in my home world.”

“No?” Angeal asked, daring to close the distance and lay his palm along Cloud’s jaw. Like Zack, his thumb swept across the delicate, bruise-dark skin beneath his eye. “Why not?”

“Never met you. Never knew any of you, really, though Zack got the closest.”

The corner of Angeal’s lip twitched upward, just a little. “All things considered, I don’t know if I should be sad or happy for you.”

“Funny. I was thinking the same thing about you.”

Angeal stepped back, drawing his hand away. Everyone looked to Genesis, but the redhead just stood and watched with an unreadable expression. “You’re not our Cloud.”

Cloud couldn’t help but grin tiredly at that. “No, I’m not. I have to admit, it’s very refreshing to hear someone else say that for once”

Genesis looked away, closing his eyes, then huffed. A weary smirk crossed his face. “Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess. You could have fooled me. You talk like he used to. Act like it too.” Only then did he step forward, putting his hands on Cloud’s shoulders. “It’s the eyes that give you away. He never looked quite so…”

“Tired?” Cloud suggested archly.

“Worn. Zack mentioned you borrowing the couch?”

“That was part of the deal, yeah. I’ll be gone in about three and a half hours and I intend to sleep while I can.”

Genesis’s expression softened fully at that. “Of course.” He used the hands on Cloud’s shoulders to steer him over to a chair. Cloud sat willingly enough, after taking Tsurugi off and leaning it against the chair’s arm. “Just wait a moment and you can sleep.”

Like a well-oiled machine, the four men broke off to gather pillows and blankets, dim the lights, and generally make their living room habitable for sleeping. They worked fast. Before Cloud quite knew what was happening, he was laying down⁠—Tsurugi pressed against his side and boots on, as he insisted⁠—swathed in warm blankets and resting on a veritable mountain of pillows. He threw an arm over his eyes, mumbling something that might have been thanks, and dropped right off.

Of course, Cloud had long since developed the habit of sleeping without truly losing touch with his surroundings. How it worked, he didn’t know, but if he hadn’t he would have died quite a bit more often than he already did. So he heard, and retained the gist of, the conversation that the four men had around him.

“He looks half dead.”

“I know. Why do you think I insisted he come back here to sleep? He never said anything outright but I swear he was going to bunk down in a tree as soon as we left.”

“What happened to him?”

“I don’t know. He only said that he’d come from another dimension and that he was going to vanish.”

“He also said that he was not the one who Zack “usually” greeted with hostility. I believe he has been traversing dimensions involuntarily for some time.”

“He certainly looks it, poor boy.”

A hand brushed tentatively through his hair. He murmured nonsensically, shifting for a moment before settling back down. The hand resumed its motions as soon as he’d stilled.

“Is this what he could have been, do you think? Strong and selfless? Patient with us?”

A different hand traced the edge of his jaw. His mind whispered not a threat, and so he stayed asleep.

“He would have been a good man. The best, really. If only we could have…”

“Hush. We made mistakes, but our Cloud made his own decisions. And at the end...he was already dead and gone. We put a shell to rest, nothing more.”

“I know. I know that. But it still⁠—”

“—hurts?”

“Yeah.”

“I know, love.”

“...I wonder if he would have been better off like this. If he’d never met us.”

The conversation died after that. Cloud drifted along in silence until the burning sensation that warned of an impending jump became too intense to ignore. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, then stood and slung Tsurugi across his back.

“What is it?” Zack asked from where he was sitting in an armchair. All four of them were in the living room, pretending they hadn’t just been watching him while he slept. Watching over him, if he was feeling generous, though he understood the impulse either way.

“Two minutes,” he murmured, rubbing at the old scar on his hip. It always burned a little more intensely than the surrounding unscarred flesh. “This is goodbye.”

Zack, of course, got up and hugged him so tight his ribs creaked. “Go get ‘em, tiger,” he joked, but there were tears in his eyes. Angeal’s parting embrace was wordless, as was Genesis’s, though the latter also pressed a chaste kiss against his temple. Sephiroth was the last, as the burning licked up into Cloud’s neck.

“Be safe,” the silver-haired man whispered, releasing him.

Cloud huffed a laugh, though it lacked all but the faintest trace of humor. “Yessir, General,” he drawled, snapping off a perfect salute.

The very last thing he saw was Sephiroth’s small, amused smile, eyes glistening wetly, before the world turned to white static and he vanished.