#they’re also both extraordinarily toxic

[winsoongi]

Judy and Judie are definitely birdie and I’s best ocs like they are everything 2 me

[alyjojo]

Advice to Work on Yourself 👩🏻‍🎓 in April 2023: Gemini

7 Wands - The Devil rev - 7 Pentacles rev

Regarding: Ace of Swords

You’re gaining clarity about a toxic relationship, could be with a Capricorn, not for all of you but it’s being highlighted. Either you’re realizing you need to separate from them now, or you already have, but you two still message each other & communicate. There may be two people you’ve been involved with, the old and the new, and you could be leaving the old for the new. Cutting them off, or officially ending the situation & being clear. They are probably the ones in this 7 Wands defensive energy, making a stand and stating their case against passionate messages with friends of theirs, partying, possibly drinking, something in this nature that caused you/them pain and was very difficult for you/them.

You’re releasing this, setting yourself free. You could also be defensive over needing to release yourself from addictions, lust, greed, toxic habits or mindsets, if this is switched, someone else may be releasing you for these reasons. You’re very worried, can’t sleep at night, can’t get a Queen of Wands out of your mind. Both Aries/Leo are highlighted, definitely fire energy somewhere, and they could be a family member or someone you work with. This may be a 3rd party lover, sometimes Queen of Wands is that. If so, you’ve released them…temporarily. You’re worried how this will affect your current relationship and situation and it looks like it’s blowing up at you…but you haven’t “lost” that other person entirely either. Either this is a 3-people situation or you’re just extremely attached (or have been) to someone that’s not good for you. They make you crazy. If so, they’re the old, and you need to aim towards the new.

You will give up, it’s a Tower moment for this other person, and they may try to convince you otherwise, act sweet and gain your favor back, trying to be loving towards you. This person may send you romantic messages, it’s out of a feeling of sadness, regret, they love you. It’s only a Knight coming out, not the deepest kind of love, but they do feel remorse. If this is switched, these may be your actions. I don’t see a reconnection, instead you’re realizing this needs to end, for good. Or they are. I asked for further clarification for the “advice” part. The Sun & The Magician, feel happy, you are now able to create the sort of relationship you really want, you have everything you need and there’s nothing stopping you ☀️

Animal Oracle: Ladybug 🐞

“This is a time of good fortune and abundance, so be willing to receive all good things in your life.”

This is an auspicious time for you, one that is extraordinarily powerful. You’ll find that everything goes very smoothly with little effort on your part. Your thoughts will be manifesting much more quickly, so be observant and careful about what you’re thinking. If you lapse into thinking about what you lack or what’s missing, remind yourself of all the things you do have for which you’re grateful. Gratitude is the key to continually receiving good fortune, joy, and abundance. Be willing to ask for and graciously receive all that comes your way. If you ask for something and then negate it with insurmountable disbelief, it’ll be like you never asked. Control any habitual negative thought patterns. Ask...and then be open to receive.

Artist Oracle: You’ve got two

CARAVAGGIO

- Try to keep violence metaphorical.

- Adjust your eyes to darkness.

- A head in the shoulders is worth two in the hand.

BUCKMINSTER FULLER

- Live to serve, serve to solve.

- Invent the words by which to live your life.

- Great heights are best seen from your lowest point.

Advice:

- Host a Murder Mystery Party!

- Be Present in the Moment

Charms:

Love Letter 💌 on 2 Cups shows attempts from this person, or you, at reconnecting, showing you love, emotion, affection, telling you everything you want to hear. It’s beyond that, or you’re already aware this isn’t the right thing for you by this point. Too late?

Capricorn ♑️ on Caravaggio is a very dark energy, you also have The Devil tied to this. The message “adjust your eyes to darkness” seems to apply the most. The most negative of Capricorn’s traits are control, impossible standards & silent expectations (a form of control), criticism, feeling “ruled” over by someone else’s rules, which you probably were. And they want you back? Capricorn can have an inability to relax, they have to be productive ALWAYS, and they expect others to meet their same standards, be like them, stress like them, suffer like them, which people usually try to out of love. But you are you and they are they, and you don’t actually have to give a duck 🦆😁 No. You’re free of this dynamic now, or you need to be.

Leo ♌️ on The Sun is another sign with its own card, could be someone you’re moving towards or they’re helping you. Leo is about feeling confident in who YOU are. Do you make up fifty “rules” for yourself as determined by no one actually? Some person that should be showing love & affection but acts more like your boss? Fk no, you just want to have a good time. Celebrate that, and everything that is you, getting in touch with your own personal identity and letting go of what anyone else thinks about anything, anyone else’s rules for anything, what do they know? Clearly not you.

Aries ♈️ on Murder Mystery again could be someone you’re dealing with. Aries does wtf they want, when tf they want, and sometimes it’s impulsive, often fun and exciting. Fire signs could be really good for you right now 🔥 This card just shows you needing to be around your friends, having fun, celebrating, feeling good about yourself with people that make you feel good too. Hype friends. Just do it friends. Whatever is ahead is way better than what’s being left behind.

[toadkisses]

update:

dm me for pics of my cool puncture hole and gigantic purple blue bruise! i am taking antibiotics and getting workers comp ✌️i will be okay

so i attended a group work meeting yesterday, i was planning on quitting but wanted to hear them out just in case.

apparently the dog that bit me has to wear a muzzle and be sedated in order to get vet care at the clinic that owns the boarding center i worked at. fsr they did not see a problem with us interacting with him much more without such protections

anyway they were still deciding if he’d be allowed to board with us in the future, they were leaning towards “yes this dog can stay here” but they asked for opinions from staff

so i told them that i think its extraordinarily bad judgement to allow him to stay, that i think boarding is clearly not the best option for his well-being when the dog is so stressed that he bites without warning, and that frankly i find it disrespectful that they’re even considering allowing him back near staff. and my manager (who i really do like) told me later that she could tell that i was Really Pissed. i mean like i kept it very professional but i’m not surprised she could tell lol

we also talked about some other high risk dogs that have stayed and i was able to express that again, i think if a dog has bitten one of us they shouldn’t stay, both for our safety and for the well-being of the animal. i think my manager was receptive but she does not really get to make the big decisions, the vet owner does :-/ and in my experience vet owners of boarding places do not care about the employees lol

so anyway i asked to talk to my manager after the meeting and she was really apologetic (which is nice because the hr lady didn’t even ask if i was okay haha???), i told her that i really respect her and like her and that i understand that she doesn’t really want to be doing this job, but that i’ve been in the animal field for the better part of a decade and i’ve NEVER had to interact with this many bite risk dogs. and i told her that i don’t wanna leave her in a difficult position but that i need to move on with my life and get my big girl job

and she was really really kind and understanding and even said like “you’re better than this place, you deserve better, put me on your resume and i will give you a glowing recommendation” and was like 🥺😭

so i wish she was my manager at every job but unfortunately this one is over ✌️✌️✌️

there’s many other reasons i’m leaving, (extremely toxic coworkers, critically understaffed, refusing to give my coworker back pay she’s owed bc of a mistake on the business’ part, place is shutting down for construction in three months, flooding issues, etc.) it wasn’t an impulsive decision. i’m sad bc i wanted this job to be good but shrug. i contacted my states disability services office for job help and they already got back to me bc i worked with them before so it’ll be okay. i’m ready to move on bc this whole job has just been making me into a person i’m not (assuming the worst of people)

my plan is to be an optometric technician so hopefully my case worker can guide me in what classes i should take to get me into the program. i’m feeling motivated and optimistic :-)

tw dog bite talk

heyyyyy guess who gets to go to urgent care because of my FUCKING employer

there’s a dog staying that is KNOWN for biting. he bit a coworker yesterday AND this morning. for some reason he is still allowed to stay here. and i just got bit and punctured and have to go to urgent care and i am so FUCKING pissed because i’m working alone because were understaffed and i am GOING to quit this job

[thethiefandtheairbender]

sokka and zuko both have arcs about unlearning prejudice (sexism, xenophobia from both, and imperialism respectively) and arcs regarding self worth (self esteem and overcoming abuse) and are both more traditionally masculine characters. they’re also both a little older and more conventionally attractive. zuko in particular is in many ways personality wise - brooding, angry, abusive childhood - the antihero we’ve come to expect, just as sokka is sarcastic and a disgruntled older brother. while atla writes each of them extraordinarily well, you can’t say you haven’t seen each of their archetypes prominently in western fiction before.

whereas aang’s arc is largely about the responsibility one has regarding their power and privilege, as well as being fundamentally grounded in non western philosophy. he is reinforced as a survivor of genocide, and is as toph says “more in touch with his ‘feminine’ side.” he values pacifism and embodies it while also not being a push over. he has no toxic masculinity, prejudice, or imperialism to unlearn. i haven’t seen a male character remotely like him except for maybe steven from “steven universe” almost 10 years after atla aired, and even then, that’s about it.

but people like what’s attractive and familiar, so yeah, it’s no surprise that we went from zuko to both him and sokka as the fandom darlings while aang - who has the least “white”/familiarized arc is left in the dust yet again, tbh

[tomasorban]

The Extraordinary Health Benefits of Mushrooms

#1 – Increasing Antioxidant Activity

All available evidence indicates that, at high levels, free radicals damage various structures in your body’s cells. This cellular damage contributes to an increase in your risk for developing many health problems, including those related to aging. This is why decreasing or inactivating free radicals can lead to huge benefits for your health.

Dietary antioxidants, such as vitamin C, vitamin A, selenium, beta-carotene, and others, counter the adverse health effects of free radicals.

Promisingly, many mushrooms also contain powerful ingredients that have been found to neutralize free radicals.

For instance, extracts of the medicinal and dietary mushroom Reishi have been shown to reduce free radical activity. Known in China as the “spirit plant,” Reishi is believed to relax and fortify both mind and body.

Another medicinal mushroom, chaga, is also known for its antioxidant properties — indeed, according to a report in the International Journal of Biological Macromolecules, a Chaga polysaccharide has been found to possess “strong antioxidant activity for scavenging free radicals.”

Similarly, the journal Carbohydrate Polymers reports that polysaccharides present in the fungus Cordyceps have been shown to “improve the antioxidation activity in immunosuppressed mice (and to) significantly increase… total antioxidant capacity.”

The great news is that Cordyceps not only helps to neutralize harmful free radicals, it also enhances the activity of your body’s innate antioxidant systems.

#2 – Enhancing the Immune System

Every second of every day, your immune system is working overtime to clear away debris, to fight off cancer cells, and support your body achieve vibrant, healthy functioning.

It’s an extraordinarily complex and multifaceted system. And sometimes, especially as you age, your immune system can begin to wear down and function less effectively.

Mushrooms can help. They boost both the levels and activity of many vital components of your immune system — and may even “prime” immune cells so that they become more effective in responding to future infections and attacks.

Macrophages are a type of immune white blood cell that engulfs and digests cellular debris, foreign substances, microbes, cancer cells, and anything else in your body that does not appear healthy to the immune system.

A Chaga polysaccharide has been shown to induce rapid increases in macrophages in mice.

In another study, giving Chaga extract daily for 24 days to mice with compromised immune systems increased the numbers of protective white blood cells in their bone marrow.

Another medicinal mushroom, Reishi, has been shown to boost the production of many components of the immune system, including natural killer cells, which detect and destroy cancer cells and cells infected with viruses.

In one study, 34 patients with advanced stages of cancer were treated for 12 weeks with a Reishi-sourced polysaccharide. The patients who were given the treatment showed substantial improvements in the effectiveness of their immune function.

Shiitake is one of the most popular and best-studied mushrooms in the world today. These mushrooms contain a polysaccharide known as Lentinan, which Cancer Detection and Prevention Journal has described as “a unique class of immunopotentiator” that helps to improve the quality of life and extend survival.

In a 2014 study reported in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition, researchers gave 52 healthy young adults either five or 10 grams of dried Shiitake mushrooms daily for four weeks. Consuming mushrooms was associated with a substantial increase in the number and effectiveness of both “T immune cells” and natural killer cells.

In just one month, eating the dried shiitake mushrooms was found to support both a stronger immune system and a marked drop in inflammation. The subjects who took ten grams of dried shiitake’s daily had the most positive benefits.

#3 – Managing Blood Sugar Levels

Mushrooms may also be useful in managing safe levels of blood sugar.

Compounds from the parasitic fungus Cordyceps have been shown to help support balanced blood sugar levels. For example, a study published in the journal Biological and Pharmaceutical Bulletin found that a Cordyceps polysaccharide showed “potent hypoglycemic (blood sugar lowering) activity in genetic diabetic mice,” while “plasma glucose level was quickly reduced in normal and streptozotocin-induced diabetic mice.”

The study also found that this same Cordyceps-sourced polysaccharide contributed to lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels.

One of the most common and devastating complications that can be caused by diabetes is diabetic nephropathy. Over time, the condition can cause the kidneys to malfunction and, eventually, to fail.

In one promising study, Cordyceps was shown to significantly reduce blood glucose levels, lower kidney breakdown markers, and preserve renal function in mice.

#4 – Supporting Brain Health

The ball-shaped mushroom with cascading icicle-like spines known as Lion’s Mane has a long history of use in traditional Chinese medicine. Once reserved for royal families, Lion’s Mane contains up to 20% protein and is considered to be a gourmet dish by many.

Potent compounds in Lion’s Mane have been shown to activate a very important peptide (a small protein) known as “nerve growth factor” or NGF. NGF is necessary for the growth, maintenance, and survival of the neurons in your brain.

These Lion’s Mane compounds stimulate your neurons to re-grow and trigger a process known as re-myelination, which helps to keep your neurons healthy and maintains their ability to conduct electrical signals efficiently.

In one small Japanese clinical study, elderly men and women with mild cognitive impairment (MCI) were given Lion’s Mane for 16 weeks. Throughout the study period, the mushroom-eating group showed significantly increased scores on a cognitive function scale compared with the placebo group. But if they stopped consuming the mushroom, their advantage disappeared.

Short-term memory refers to your ability to hold a small amount of information in your mind in a readily available state for a short period. Visual recognition memory is a measurement of your ability to recognize previously encountered events, objects, or people, and to “remember” them.

Both of these types of memory are often lost in people with age-related health conditions. And both of them appear to be supported by eating Lion’s Mane, which has been shown to help prevent the breakdown of spatial short-term and visual recognition memory and delay the onset of cognitive dysfunction.

#5 – Improving Exercise Performance

Mushrooms help you live better — and stronger. Especially Cordyceps.

Cordyceps extracts have been shown to dilate the aorta — the main artery in your body that supplies oxygenated blood to your entire circulatory system — by up to 40%, thereby increasing blood flow and greatly enhancing endurance.

What’s more, Cordyceps contains adenosine and can stimulate the production of ATP — one of the main sources of energy in your body’s cells. This may be one of the reasons why it has been found to improve stamina in athletic performance.

In one Japanese study, supplementation with Cordyceps improved the performance of over 70% of long-distance runners.

In a 2010 double-blind, placebo-controlled study, a Cordyceps extract known as Cs-4 was given to 20 healthy elderly subjects three times per day for 12 weeks. Supplementation with Cs-4 was found to meaningfully improve their exercise performance and overall wellness.

Mushrooms don’t just help you live longer. They can also help you live better — and stronger. Especially Cordyceps.

Cordyceps extracts have been shown to dilate the aorta — the main artery in your body that supplies oxygenated blood to your entire circulatory system — by up to 40%, thereby increasing blood flow and greatly enhancing endurance.

What’s more, Cordyceps contains adenosine and can stimulate the production of ATP — one of the main sources of energy in your body’s cells. This may be one of the reasons why it has been found to improve stamina in athletic performance.

In one Japanese study, supplementation with Cordyceps improved the performance of over 70% of long-distance runners.

In a 2010 double-blind, placebo-controlled study, a Cordyceps extract known as Cs-4 was given to 20 healthy elderly subjects three times per day for 12 weeks. Supplementation with Cs-4 was found to meaningfully improve their exercise performance and overall wellness.

What Can You Do With This Knowledge?

Mushrooms are potent health-boosters, and their documented benefits are extraordinary. The mushrooms discussed in this article are considered safe and relatively non-toxic.

But unless you’re a trained mycologist (an expert who specializes in the study of fungi), it is not recommended to begin harvesting them in the wild because some wild mushrooms are poisonous. There are so many varieties, species, and subspecies that a simple mistake could result in severe consequences.

You may be able to find fresh shiitake or Lion’s Mane mushrooms in a local or specialty grocery store (and they’re both delicious!). But some of the most potent medicinal mushrooms can be bitter or may be difficult to find.

Plus, many health experts recommend combining multiple medicinal mushrooms for their synergistic effect.

If you’re going to take a mushroom supplement, you want to look for a manufacturer that offers 100% organic mushroom extracts and supplements, produced, stored, and packaged under strict guidelines to preserve their nutrient content and overall effectiveness.

And what about the common “table mushrooms” like button, crimini, portobello, or oyster? There is considerable evidence that all edible mushrooms, even the most common grocery store varieties, have potent health-boosting properties. But the most powerful may be the medicinal mushrooms described in this article.

[asfearlessasamango]

how are zuko and sokka gender nonconforming?

gooodddddd question. they do it in different ways. this is also asking abt my zukka post i think? u sent this months ago lmao. i’m gonna drastically under-answer this question and then send it off to more credentialed scholars in the field.

sokka:

- literally loves dressing up as one of the girls and doing his makeup

- loves shopping

- loves jewelry

- -> feminine and gnc interests/hobbies/drag nights

- was raised in a society that had clear Women's and Men's work roles and was raised to idolize his father and adult men, to focus on making himself into a masculine ideal of a soldier, hunter, and protector, the Man of The Village

- this is contributed to by his identity as an older brother

- at first, at his youngest, tries to maintain/uphold as much of a masculine ideal as possible (s1 early episodes: girls can’t do shit! i’m the warrior! i can totally beat these kyoshi girls in a fight!)

- but later grows to drink his Respect Women Juice on the daily (suki kicks his ass and he’s a #feminist ever since

- and much of his character arc revolves around learning to let other people take care of him, learning to abandon masculine ideals to be who he wants and needs to be, and learning that the roles for men/women in his society have held both him and his sister back

zuko:

-angry boy does weapons -> masculinity man!!

- or is he? 🤨🤨😳😳

- zuko has a very feminine personality. he does emotions at 110% all the time. he shouts and stomps and cries (he’s also Gay)

- he is impulsive, idealistic, romantic, always ready to cry, sensitive to his own emotions, self-absorbed. in other words, he's a highly feminine person

- meanwhile, he has very masculine hobbies (breaking and entering, violence, uhh gobernment) and lives in an extraordinarily toxically masculine society

- i’m not just tossing out “toxically masculine” as like my fun buzzword of the post— it’s a very thoughtful phrase. not all masculinity is toxic. masculinity can be healing, grounding, loving, healthy and helpful, in moderated balance.

- toxic masculinity is all the values + ideals of masculinity taken to harmful extremes. strength and stoicism turn into the idea that emotion, particularly sadness, is weak. logic and rationale turn into cold, brutal calculation that leaves no space for human soul. providing for others turns into controlling them, conquering and dominating them. ideals of physical strength turn into violence.

- remind u of someone u know? *i wink with both eyes in the direction of the fire nation*

- in that society, a BOY acting like ZUKO DOES is massively non-conforming. you can see zuko be punished for this time and time again (his emotional outburst in the war meeting is in some ways what even starts the whole show).

in conclusion, both zuko and sokka are like masculinity but take a step back yall. one hop this time. two hops this time. slide to the left. slide to the right. criss cross. criss cross.

sokka learns femininity and unlearns toxic masculinity throughout the show. zuko is feminine. also they’re both gay so there’s that

i've messily bullet-pointed the bigger points. for further reading maybe go to @sokkagatekeeper, or @littlespoonsokka (as you might guess they understand our king's need for vulnerability). search up nonbinary sokka interpretations too.

it's nothing on you babe, and i of course love talking about shit like this, but it's really funny how sometimes, especially when my baby posts venture away from the little watering hole and into the wild deep of the Fandom, it feels like we all watched a different show! sksksks

[systematicallycapricious]

I guess a humanized/Persona-less AU?

Like often, stuff from the P4: Arena series ahead! No stuff for the other games yet though.

Labrys:

Labrys is a 1st year in senior high and a human in this. She attends a different, more prestigious school than everyone else though.

She lives in a family with quite a few sisters, both older and younger than her (not a ridiculous amount though, maybe like 7-8 at the most?), with extraordinarily strict parents when it comes to academics and lifestyle/career choices and all, and they demand nothing less than perfection from all of their children. They also toxically encourage their children to compete for who can be the best among them and win the most of their parents' favor, which Labrys has been naturally gifted so she's generally been at the 'top' out of all of her sisters?

Labrys is the student council president of her school even as a 1st year, and is always working really hard and doing her best to maintain a cheerful and fair demeanor around others.

024 is alive in this and is one of Labrys's older sisters who's since graduated and moved out on her own and gotten somewhat away from their demanding parents/family. She meets up with Labrys from time to time, and she often tries to be guiding/supportive of her in understanding that she doesn't need to be perfection to have worth as a person, and listens to her issues with an understanding of having gone through them before. Their other sisters aren't really as close to 024 as Labrys is, since they're less willing to listen to her idea that they need to be anything less than perfect?

Labrys, 024, and their sisters probably have more human names in this AU? "Labrys" might be a nickname for Labrys though.

Sho:

Sho’s still Ikutsuki’s child in this; most likely adopted, as it might look better on Ikutsuki’s reputation to have ‘saved’ a kid from the foster system? Ikutsuki’s still the gentle-mannered, dad-joker chairman of the local highschool, having a ton of renown and prestige in the city they live in… that’s not a good thing for Sho, given the true nature of his adoptive father. Sho still has Minazuki in this (but it was a natural occurrence, most likely, meaning there might potentially be others, might not… I’m kind of tempted to put a Tsukiyomi whom differs from Minazuki by just staying utterly silent and unmoving/unaffected-seeming in the face of abusive things?), and Minazuki frequently makes attempts to run away from home… which also don’t end very well thanks to his basically everyone else knowing and liking his dad. That, and stuff similar to it, also gives Sho the community-reputation of an "ungrateful, troublemaking punk-kid", so they all more or less turn a blind eye to what those behaviors could mean, as they perceive it as him choosing to be that way and indulge in bad personality traits rather than it being an effect of him trying to cope with and escape an abusive situation.

  Alternatively, Sho and Minazuki could be actual twins in this, but otherwise their situation with Ikutsuki is roughly the same. Going completely off the normal path of dissociative disorders I usually take with Sho and Minazuki characterizations though (also please bear with me here, it’s been a while since I’ve read a lot into stuff aside from dissociative disorders and abuse dynamics <_<;), the two might be on the Autism spectrum, leading to a comorbidity of Alexithymia (which could potentially turn out to have been Schizoid Personality Disorder instead.. but I’d need to do more research to discern for sure. It might just be actual Alexithymia) for Minazuki, and some kind of anxiety disorder and ADHD (maybe hyperactive-impulsive type?) for Sho.

Minazuki would have largely hypo-reactive senses, while Sho’s would be hyper-reactive (with a special emphasis on noise and touch being overwhelming for him). Minazuki’s the only person Sho can tolerate touching him, but even then that’s only bearable in small amounts.

To go a bit more in depth on that, while Sho is very sensitive to particular frequencies (higher-pitched ones usually), specific sounds (for example, foil crinkling), too much conflicting noise at once, and sudden loud sounds, he has a hard time recognizing the volume of his own voice (both audibly and internally.. like, muscles and etc. things involved in speaking), so he’ll often speak a lot louder than he realizes he is. Earplugs generally don’t work for him either, as most of the ones he’s tried are immensely uncomfortable due to their textures, shapes, etc. He’s found a pair of headphones that are comfortable enough and help block out some of the noise, so he usually wears them when he has to navigate public transport and crowded public spaces, but not while in school or at home (he isn’t allowed to in both instances). He does really like the clanging sounds that swords make when they collide though, as well as that whooshing noise that swords, knives, and etc. make when swinging them through the air, as it doesn’t bother his hearing and it sounds cool. The sound of bamboo/wood striking bamboo/wood is also one he enjoys, so he’ll usually try to get wooden chopsticks when he eats things and start tapping them together, sometimes to the point of ignoring his food.

Touch-wise, his issue mostly comes from the sensations against the surface of his skin, so he can tolerate a firm grip on his arm better than a light tap, for example (but it’s still pretty uncomfortable for him). He prefers more form-fitting clothes when he can, as clothes too loose are constantly brushing his skin at random times. Mostly texture isn’t as big of a deal, and he does enjoy exploring various textures with his hands, but there’s a few that can set off immense discomfort for him (silicone, especially when it gets kind of tacky, being one of them). When it comes to pain-related things, he’s okay with needles, since he doesn’t think they hurt that bad, but he gets anxious over the part where the administrator has to touch him to be able to use them. Similarly, smacking any part of his body into something doesn’t really hurt him that much, and the weirdest thing about scrapes is the weird pulling sensation that the healing process makes. It’s not really uncomfortable though, just weird. (Also along those lines, gore as a subject doesn’t really bother him, so he’ll often go on about it at length or in details that other people would get squeamish over. He’ll happily go into weird details about the sensations various injuries and such can cause.) When he has to deal with crowded places, Minazuki does his best to act as a physical shield for Sho and provide a barrier between Sho and other people so Sho doesn’t get touched as much. (He mainly accomplishes this by using his arms to maintain a clear space around Sho, while trying not to touch him too much himself, or attempting to mimic other people’s methods of communicating the message of ‘stay away’, such as glaring or maybe asking them to back off?)

I haven’t thought a ton about his other senses yet, so I don’t really have notes on those for now.

On Minazuki’s side of sensory things, he’d actually be pretty sensory-seeking in a lot of areas, even if he represses a lot of his urges to seek out sensory input to appear less “abnormal”. Like Sho, he doesn’t really feel pain, although unlike Sho, he does have a hard time feeling internal indications such as hunger and thirst. (He mostly realizes thirst when he goes to speak and his voice comes out scratchy, or else he starts coughing a lot when he’s not sick.) He’s just kind of gotten into the habit of eating at specific times to negate any possible issues with starvation. His balance is a little bit off, but it’s hard to tell most of the time as he’s adapted to making movements to avoid and hide this fact (such as trying to keep both of his feet on the ground at a time, and not lift his feet too high while walking). His spacial relativity is also a bit off, so he can be a bit clumsy and bump into things without intending to, and as a result has adapted to giving the things he can potentially bump into a very wide clearance when possible. This isn’t very possible in places such as the subway however, so he has to put extra care into trying to make sure he doesn’t stumble too much. (Which he has gotten better at as he’s gotten older, but it’s still one of the more challenging aspects of his daily routine. When he was younger, he’d constantly fall over when the subway pulled in and out of stations, as well as trip on the stairs and small bumps scattered around the stations.) Sometimes Sho will help catch him when he does lose his balance in those situations, since he sticks pretty close to Minazuki in crowded places anyway, but if he outright falls then it doesn’t really occur to Sho to try and help him get back to his feet, and Minazuki doesn’t ask.

When it comes to food, he doesn’t often enjoy things, but he either finds them interesting (as in deviating from the norm in a mildly positive or neutral way) or just ends up with stronger flavors/seasonings because he couldn’t taste them in their moderate amounts up until that point. In particular, he tends to prefer spicy and sour flavors, since they tend to be stronger and register in his taste buds more, followed moderately by salty things, and then an absolute dislike for sweet flavors. He tends to stay away from fruit and desserts as a result of that, with the only exceptions being fruits like lemons which have only a very mild sweet flavor undercurrent to the tang of their sourness. Textures-wise, he tends towards crispy food, while he has a genuinely difficult time forcing his body to try and consume chewy foods, as the sense of disgust is so strong his body tries to reject it on instinct.

Touch-wise, he’s indifferent to light touches, but he does enjoy deep pressure contact, such as tight/firm hugs and heavier blankets. (Or at least, he assumes it’s “enjoyment”, as he recognizes that he feels differently somehow that doesn’t seem to be in a negative way, but it’s not radiant and uplifting like ‘enjoyment’ is often described as. His body seems more relaxed though.) He can’t always be under blankets however, and doesn't really ever get such hugs, since neither his father or brother really give them, he's highly standoffish to other people so he's not particularly close to anyone else, and Japanese society is kind of aversive/non-conducive to casual physical intimacy like that anyway. As a result, he will idly hug himself at times without always realizing it, such as if he’s crossing his arms and is pressing them firmer to his chest than he really has to, or angles them to wrap around his chest more than just folding his arms. (He also often has his arms crossed as a result of this probably, not really aiding his surly image.) He used to try to wear heavier clothing too, but learned that it was something abnormal and frowned-upon to do (both by the public and his father), as well as learned of the logic that summer clothes are meant for summer and winter clothes for winter (largely thanks to school-issued uniforms, but also somewhat clothing stores and general society probably?), so he doesn’t do so anymore.. with the exception of winter, as then it’s permissible and makes sense to wear very heavy coats and sweaters.

He doesn’t feel heat very easily, but humidity can start to make him uncomfortable. (Sho actually shares this trait with him)

I’m not sure about his remaining senses yet either. They might be more in the middle for the most part when it comes to sensitivity, or leaning a bit more towards hyper-sensitivity? With the exception of olfactory maybe, as I feel like he wouldn’t be easily bothered by strong smells or odors.

Both of them would have troubles with understanding social cues, though Minazuki would learn how to adapt faster and be good at masking his autistic traits, while it would take Sho a very long time, and he would not be good at appearing “normal”. Minazuki also has a natural affinity to language, though he does have trouble finding the words to express things on occasion (especially when it comes to emotions), while Sho really doesn’t and often gets worked-up over being unable to properly express himself. Though, Sho actually has a pretty good grasp on the literal definitions of most words, it’s just the subjective definitions and implied meanings that elude him. (I’m undecided on if he’d still try to make puns like this or not; if he does, they would make little sense or humor 98% of the time due to that fact, thus why no one would laugh at them.)

Minazuki would be very routine-oriented, though he wouldn’t recognize any stress not being able to follow those routines would cause him. It would be evident in how he starts pacing a lot more, mumbling to himself, and his overall increased irritation(external behavior and internal lack of patience) though. He also has a bit of an inflexible mind when it comes to these things; for example, breakfast must only be eaten between 5am and 9am, lunch between 10am and 2pm, and dinner between 3pm and 7pm, so if someone tries to eat a breakfast thing during lunch hours, it just doesn’t make sense to him. Attempting to eat something from one meal for another, that isn’t usually a kind of food that can be eaten at multiple/all times anyway (like rice I think?), generally tends to agitate him because it just doesn’t make sense. He’ll do it if he has to, but it’s not something he likes doing.

Sho would be easily upset by things he isn’t expecting, though he doesn’t have the same need to do things in specific ways like Minazuki does. Doing things wrong, or being treated as if he’s doing something wrong, without any explanations as to why is a trigger for him. Sho would also have a hyperfixation on swords, knives, and sword fights of most kinds, and would excitedly babble about them to people regardless if they want to listen or not. He talks very fast and jumps thoughts very fast though, so most people get annoyed with him very quickly.

Sho would fidget a lot. He’d always be tapping his feet or fingers, rocking in his seat, waving around his arms, making clicking or similar noises with his mouth, cracking various bones and joints in his body (quite loudly), and etc. Not being able to do so is absolutely stifling to him, and he wouldn’t really be able to focus on anything aside from the need to move. Minazuki, meanwhile, would have learned to subdue his urges to engage in stimming behaviors by this age (they're both like 15 in this by the way, I forgot to mention that), though you might catch him doing smaller things at random times, such as wiggling his fingers, rotating his wrists, swirling his tongue around his mouth (he keeps his mouth closed when he does it though, so it just kind of looks like he's randomly working his jaw), running his fingers over the hems of his clothing, rocking his feet back and forth (not very pronouncedly though; it's just a slight 'heel-toe-heel-toe' motion, usually while he's seated since he might go off-kilter if he did it while standing), clenching and unclenching his hands into fists, and probably some others too. He doesn't really engage in rocking motions of his whole body though, since those are more obvious, and thus he worked on quelling them first, while pacing is usually only reserved for when he's in his room at home or when he's in a space where it doesn't matter as much if he's moving around to that extent, like a park. Stimming helps him focus better and not get overwhelmed as easily, even if he tries to assert to himself that they're pointless motions he shouldn't be making. Not doing them doesn't affect him nearly as much as it affects Sho, as he can still focus most of the time if he doesn't engage in those behaviors, and it won't lead to immediate physical manifestations of stress and overwhelm either, but they still overall have a positive effect on him to do. 

“Friendship“ mystifies both Sho and Minazuki, albeit for different reasons. Minazuki doesn’t understand the feelings behind it that people usually cite as being an integral aspect of it mainly, so the point of companionship kind of eludes him. Mostly, when he’s in school, he sees classmates chatting with their “friends” instead of focusing on schoolwork, which to him seems like an improper use of time when they’re supposed to be working on schoolwork while at school. The teachers always say not to talk unless it’s necessary for an assignment, so them going against that rule just doesn’t make sense to him. Sho meanwhile doesn’t understand the social aspect of it mainly; he thinks he’s acting the same as them, but nothing ever goes the same for him as it does for other people, and he just can’t get why. Ikutsuki’s constant implications that he’s doing things wrong somehow also really doesn’t help this issue. As a result, he often feels lonely and like he’s an alien or something, and this can also couple with his frustrations of being unable to use the words he wants to to express himself, as he ends up wondering at times if he’s even speaking Japanese right or not and if that’s why people always give him such funny faces.

A lot of times, when Minazuki gets too overwhelmed, he ends up going nonverbal.. which really does not help that feeling of overwhelm, as language is something he’s normally well-acclimated to and good at using. Sho gets loud and physically active, hitting things and himself while screaming or sobbing. (I think I’m missing a lot of information for this kind of stuff though, so consider this tentative until I find said information and either verify or vet and correct it. ^^;)

Minazuki doesn’t mind listening to Sho’s ramblings, though he does get irritated at Sho for preventing him from fulfilling his routines like he prefers to (which is the primary source of arguments/fights between them, as Sho then often doesn’t get what he’s doing wrong, even if by now he has some awareness and respect for Minazuki needing to do things in a specific way). He also tries to help calm down Sho when he gets too upset, partially out of ‘Dad will bring worse consequences due to Sho’s upset’, partially out of ‘people don’t seem to get this upset, so we probably shouldn’t either’, and partially just because it’s a weird uncomfortable feeling he has when he sees Sho upset, and Sho returning to being calm usually makes it stop, so he assumes that it’s related (and maybe even what it feels like to care for another person? It doesn’t quite match what he’s heard other people describe it as though, so he’s still holding out on calling it that officially, to himself).

The two of them are also pretty keen on their surroundings and other people (albeit in a bit different of ways from one another), and it’s frequent for them to point out things that other people might not perceive or overlook. (For example, if someone’s supposed to be passing a stack of papers back through the class, but it suddenly stops and people get confused as to where it ended up, they’d likely know the answer immediately, as they were keeping track of it, or in Sho’s case mostly, just couldn’t stop hearing where it was.) This also means that they’ve picked up on a lot of each other’s idiosyncrasies, so in general they usually keep them in mind. Sometimes when they get upset though, or if they want something that the other doesn’t want to give, they use those against each other (they don’t have a very good role model, after all, so they’re not exactly being taught better on that).

Over time, Minazuki got into the habit of lowering both the volume and pitch of his voice for Sho's sake (since their default voices are a bit on the higher side and Sho's hearing is just more sensitive overall). So as a result, despite being twins, the two of them sound different from one another. Sometimes Minazuki's voice floats back up into a higher register or louder volume, but generally he's been doing it for so long that speaking lower and quieter is basically automatic for him.

(More specific notes on Sho’s anxiety and ADHD... eventually. I gotta refamiliarize myself with those topics first. ^^;)

  Alternatively still, the twins scenario but Minazuki does just straight-up have SzPD, while Sho ends up with BPD.

  And a final alternative could be still twins, but Sho develops OSDD-1 or DID while Minazuki doesn’t, and ends up with an introject of his twin in his system because Minazuki always seems to be so unaffected by everything, or is the primary figure of care in his life, and that’s something his brain thinks it needs to cope. In this instance (and maybe others), Minazuki is treated as superior to his brother in some ways by Ikutsuki, so Sho is often left with punishments that aren’t shared with Minazuki, and Minazuki is often given rewards that aren’t also granted to Sho. Unfortunately for Ikutsuki, if he even cares about this anyway, Minazuki still cares a lot for his brother, so rather than ostracizing him and getting an inflated ego to bully him with, he still does his best to do what he can for Sho, like sneaking him food or helping him with his schoolwork. Minazuki is well aware of the favoritism his father plays, and it makes him both uncomfortable and angry. (Sho, on the flipside, doesn’t really know better.. well, depending on the system composition, and thus thinks that this is how things should be and he deserves the treatment he’s getting, since he needs to do better still to make his dad proud.) (Also, Minazuki still has some increased sense of pride and self-worth due to his treatment growing up, but as of late he’s been gaining new perspective on the dynamics of his family, so he’s started thinking about things a bit differently. When faced with strangers, he’s somewhat prideful and fairly self-assured, so he doesn’t always consider their opinions as holding any merit until he decides to think otherwise. With the growing hatred towards his dad for causing him to become this way though, and of course how wrong he is about Sho, sometimes he tries to allow himself to take people’s opinions as correct over his own without the prideful dismissal first, since thinking he’s always right would just be playing into his father’s ploys, and he wants to do nothing that that man wants him to do.)

Etc.:

I have ideas for some of the other characters from P3-4 and Q1 for this, but they need more work before they’re in any form of shareable. There’s a serious over-abundance of ‘adopted kids’ for flimsy reasons… >_<;

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG184!

- That domain made me a bit nostalgic? Given how The Corruption had been prevalent in the first season, The Big Bad, The Threat On The Archives, it felt like going back in time and facing an echo of the worms infestation the staff had experienced back then. As usual with the latest season, and the “infinite amorphous blob of terror”: the presence of the swarm of insects directly put to mind The Corruption (which was confirmed by Jon this episode, since he mentioned “The Corruption’s influence” on this domain), but there was indeed a Buried feel to it too, with the narrow tunnels, the ants pressing on all sides and drowning Jordan (also confirmed by Jon when he speculated that “The Buried would flow in to fill the gap” if he were to smite the colony); and I also got a Vast feeling with the fact that the ants were so numerous, that Jordan felt like he didn’t matter much in the domain and was losing his sense of scale, and that Leto was attuned to the fact that he was an ant to the Fears? (“And for a moment Jordan’s sense of scale deserts him completely. Are these tunnels actually sized for him? Or has he himself been sized for this looping, intricate colony?”, “If we are as ants to those things above us that torment and toy with us for their amusement, why should not ants be like us, each with a life as rich and intricate as any person?”, “But no, it is all the same, just the endless maze and ants and tunnels, unnumbered minds, meaningless in themselves but together a being that dwarfs him, that if it wished to end his suffering could do so without a gesture.”)

I like (HATE, THANKS JONNY) how the ants felt like an echo of the worms themselves in the way they could inflict hurt:

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: It’s the last thing I remember before blacking out. Tens of thousands of… things without mouths screaming as one. […] TIM: There didn’t seem much point staying, so I went into the tunnels. They were cold, dry. You know that worm smell? That earthy rotten smell? ARCHIVIST: Oooh yes.

(MAG055) ARCHIVIST: And there were no… complications? JORDAN: Like… what? ARCHIVIST: Surviving worms that escaped. Uh, movement from the body during the incineration; noises from it, like screams or chanting; weird feelings, l–like a thousand, tiny crawling things are moving across your skin? JORDAN: … Wow. No. Nothing like that. Just the smell, but, I mean, I’ll get to that.

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: “They shift and roil in dark and shining tides across the walls of the tunnels, pockmarked in their turn by tiny earthen holes from which the things emerge, retreat, and move as one. […] He does not know if this tunnel has the ants that bite, the ones that reek when they are crushed, or the ones so tough his weight does not destroy them, and he can still feel them moving, and squirming beneath his palm.”

They could inflict hurt through the biting, through that awful smell already familiar to Jordan, through the impression that they were indestructible and stronger than you.

I also quickly got the impression that the domain was harsher, even more implacable than previous ones, since at first, hope was absolutely absent from Jordan’s thought; the only “better” scenario was to not be covered by the swarms for a few seconds. In MAG166, the human “worms” were at least clinging to the hope of getting out, even if it was furthering their suffering (MAG166: “for what true fear can exist without hope, without the belief that things might change for the better? To tug at the knowledge that they will only get worse.”), but Jordan… didn’t have that at first, only the motivation of things not getting worse. Same thing with Leto, who was stuck in an impossible situation, with no way to spare the ants. Though, in Jordan’s case, hope finally appeared at the end of the statement, with his illusion regarding a “queen” that might be neutralised, which would stop everything:

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: “The other man, that bloody omen of doom, is talking again, ranting, spewing nonsense about a queen, about finding her, about killing her. Leto struggles not to laugh; the words rattle around his mind in hollow recognition. There is no queen, he knows that. […] Jordan leaves the man to his despair, the words rattling around in his head. No queen. He knows that, of course, but sometimes he allows himself the smallest flicker of hope… that maybe there is a heart to this place, some core chamber, where the bloated insectile monarch might sit, vulnerable, and waiting. But no, it is all the same, just the endless maze and ants and tunnels […].”

(That was a trace of the Jordan we had met in MAG055: someone who was used to his job, who was fast at identifying causes and at acting upon them, who was used to neutralising pests and invasions. Except his logic and method, here, wasn’t the right one, because the domain operated differently.)

More on a few foreshadowing aspects of the statements, but the fact that Jordan was faced with a ~choice~ between two different tunnels, both of them having the potential to hurt but in different ways? Like Martin’s choice in the previous episode between the two possible roads (MAG183: “For us, there are two ways out. Two paths to London. One would be a long, winding route, we’d see a lot of horrors, but remain… personally untouched.” “And the other is my domain.” “Eventually. It’s a shorter path, with faces we know along the way. Including Helen.”), and Jon’s own decision to either keep going or do something for Jordan this episode? AWFUL, THANKS.

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: “For a moment he hesitates at a crossroads, two tunnels before him, one large enough he need only stoop, the other narrow. He’d need to squeeze. And for a moment Jordan’s sense of scale deserts him completely. Are these tunnels actually sized for him? Or has he himself been sized for this looping, intricate colony? He shakes off such thoughts. The ants remain as small to him as ever, and as numerous. He chooses the tighter passage. [SCRAPING SOUNDS] Pressed so closely there can be fewer of them inside, and those that come for him will be quickly crushed. Or so he hopes.”

I didn’t understand why Jordan had picked the narrower one at first, before he explained the logic behind it (trying, at all cost, to get the ants out of him)… and I hate that he was right at first, before it backfired. And Jordan’s fear, when he fell into despair?

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: “He flails, cutting his back against the ceiling, and freezes, the panicked thought gripping him, the image of those ants crawling down into his wounds, into his skin, hollowing him out – and making their colony tunnels of his veins. He screams, a wordless, haggard cry of despair.”

… It was to be turned into a Hive himself, uh? Which stung atrociously, given his own past brushes with The Corruption – John Amherst (who was protective of the ants), the wasps’ nest that had contaminated Jane Prentiss in her attic – and how he had detected a pattern and was suspicious that there could be others like them out there.

(MAG055) ARCHIVIST: So why make your statement now? JORDAN: When I helped incinerate her body, I smelled it again. Like before. Took me a while to piece the two together, but I thought you should know. ARCHIVIST: Are you… saying there might be more out there like her? JORDAN: God, I hope not! I don’t… know. The man from the ants house, he wasn’t like her, not at all. But that smell when they burned, I… think they’re connected, somehow. And that scares me. ARCHIVIST: Yes… yes, it rather scares me too…

Like with MAG163, I found it quite interesting that we got the other side of the story through Leto! I’m usually viscerally upset by violence between sufferers, but I was able to appreciate this one as just plain sad, and I don’t know what that says about me: is it that I’m getting used to it, desensitised to it? Is it because in this case, both Leto and Jordan came out of the encounter in one piece (although the domain would have probably reset them otherwise)? Is it because it felt a bit more clearly like two people stuck in a terrible situation? The first four statements had been extraordinarily violent when it came to victims hurting each other in the domain, but the lower scale (it was just Jordan and Leto, with different experiences and different fixations) and the quiet despair was easier to appreciate without reaching upsetting level for me?

When it comes to Leto:

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: “Once, so long ago now that it seems almost like a memory of a dream… he knew these creatures, and they had known him. They had covered him, swarmed and embraced him, and he had, for a short, glorious time, known what it was to be loved on an unimaginable scale. For each and every ant was a life, a mind no lesser than his own, guided by senses utterly alien yet as vital as any he possessed. […] for that all too brief a time his senses were attuned to theirs, and he knew them, truly knew them. Unnumbered minds and existences all connected together as one – and they had loved him. When he thinks of it, it prickles his eyes with regret at the loss, the endless rolling mass of love that he had all but begged to consume him. But it is gone. His friends, the minds that he had once known so intimately, had left him. Now he sees them, moving and pulsing around him in a steady tide of tiny bodies, but he cannot reach them as once he did.”

Did he use to be a Hive in becoming? Would something like that have happened to Jane Prentiss if she had still been alive by the time of the Change, would she have been abandoned by the worms and lost her connection to them? The toxic love was another very familiar Corruption motive, here… And it was just sad that Leto was so concerned not to hurt what he still perceived as his friends, that his personal hell was about what he could inflict on them? It was so understandable that, through his eyes, Jordan would look cruel for hurting what mattered to him? It was miserable that what Leto feared the most only happened when he tried to act against Jordan – crushing and killing his friends, and then being stuck in a new impossible situation in which any movement would only cause further hurt, and inaction was the least harmful he could do. WHICH ALSO SET THE MOOD for what Jon would do later.

It was also an example of the domains only following the rules of what would hurt their victims the most (“as they tear at his ragged clothes that never fully rip, and always leave crevices enough for ants to hide.”), of events repeating and of memory potentially being tampered with since the Change (“so long ago now that it seems almost like a memory of a dream”, “the sick familiarity and bitter déjà vu of a cycle repeating itself once again”)!

- Ooooh boy, did that statement feel like a direct call out for both Jon and Martin: on the one hand, we had Leto, stuck in an impossible situation in which every action would cause further harm (hi Jon), and on the other hand, Jordan who still clung to the dream that there was a queen responsible and that killing her would turn things back to normal…

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: “The other man, that bloody omen of doom, is talking again, ranting, spewing nonsense about a queen, about finding her, about killing her. Leto struggles not to laugh; the words rattle around his mind in hollow recognition. There is no queen, he knows that. There is no single will to command the wondrous expanse of crawling lives: each and every one is their own, and together they are so much more. […] No queen. He knows that, of course, but sometimes he allows himself the smallest flicker of hope… that maybe there is a heart to this place, some core chamber, where the bloated insectile monarch might sit, vulnerable, and waiting.”

(MAG162) MARTIN: Do you think it’ll do anything? Confronting Elias? ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] I… [SIGH] Maybe? MARTIN: No, I’m serious. Do we… [PAUSE IN THE PACKING SOUNDS] Is there a chance that we can undo this?

(MAG174) MARTIN: Hang on, you’re still down to kill Elias, right? Uh, oh, Jonah, whatever. ARCHIVIST: I’m still going to confront him. [INHALE] I don’t know if killing him is something I’m even… capable of, but if I can and I have to, I will. MARTIN: Yeeah? ARCHIVIST: Don’t worry. I won’t hesitate. MARTIN: … Right.

(MAG177) BASIRA: … So what’s your plan? MARTIN: Long-term? Elias. He’s up in that that… “Panopticon” tower thing.

(MAG178) MARTIN: God, I hate all of these… loose ends…! ARCHIVIST: I’m sorry. MARTIN: It’s, it’s fine. [INHALE] We’ll just have to tie them all up in one go! ARCHIVIST: Hm? MARTIN: [SIGH] Around Elias’s neck.

… “There is no queen”, and killing the self-identifying “king of the ruined world” probably won’t solve anything at all. There is most likely no “king of the ruined world” either, and Martin better reach the conclusion himself soon, or he’s setting himself up for soul-crushing disappointment…

- LAUGHING for Martin arguing that nobody likes ants:

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: Are you alright? MARTIN: Y–y–yeah. I, I–I mean, n–no, I just… ARCHIVIST: Don’t like ants? MARTIN: Obviously not, no-one likes ants, Jon. ARCHIVIST: As the embodiment of all knowledge, I am not entirely sure that’s true but… okay. What is it?

Because Mr “I like spiders. Big ones, at least. Y’know, y’know the ones you can see some fur on; I actually think they’re sort of cute” should Know Better.

But also: precisely, we’ve never seen any spider being Corruption. (It should be possible, if someone’s fear of spiders is related to them swarming and invading their home? Or would The Web intercede to still go “NOP, MINE” in that case?)

But also: sobbing, because the ants were so reminiscent of Corruption and of the worms’ attack… and that was Martin’s first traumatic brush with the Fears, and he had been especially victimised and terrorised by the worms. It was a very personal and visceral disgust for him…

- Martin and Jon had both met Jordan personally before the end of the world, and had their own reasons to be grateful towards him: he agreed to give the jar of Prentiss’s ashes to Martin (who wanted to assuage Jon), and confirmed to Jon multiple times and clearly that Prentiss had died.

(MAG041) ARCHIVIST: It’s… There are, uh… Jane Prentiss is dead. I know this. I have a small jar on my desk of what are supposed to be her ashes, though I don’t believe it for a second. I think… Martin just gave me a jar of dust to try and calm me down. Give me something to focus on, for closure. I hate to say it, but it does appear to be working. A victory for the placebo effect, it would seem.

(MAG055) ARCHIVIST: … Say it again, please. JORDAN: Excuse me? ARCHIVIST: What you just said, can you say it again, so I have it on tape? JORDAN: Oh. Okay. “Jane Prentiss is dead.” ARCHIVIST: … You’re sure? Completely? JORDAN: Yeah. I watched the incineration. ARCHIVIST: And there were no… complications? JORDAN: Like… what? ARCHIVIST: Surviving worms that escaped. Uh, movement from the body during the incineration; noises from it, like screams or chanting; weird feelings, l–like a thousand, tiny crawling things are moving across your skin? JORDAN: … Wow. No. Nothing like that. Just the smell, but, I mean, I’ll get to that. It went well. Nothing left but the ashes I gave to your friend. Which I shouldn’t have, by the way, so… keep it to yourself. ARCHIVIST: O–of course. And… thank you.

So I’m glad that they both were able to identify him.

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: What is it? MARTIN: N–no, it’s just… You know the guy you were talking about? Jordan? ARCHIVIST: … The exterminator, yes. MARTIN: Oh… [INHALE] I was having a look around and… I found him. A few tunnels over. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] Yes, I know.

I wonder if Martin actually knew that Jordan had ended up giving a statement to Jon? Martin’s wording gave me the impression that he didn’t think that Jon would identify him as an individual without Martin singling him out, but I’m not sure. I liked (AND I’M SAD) that Jon was so hesitant about it, about what to do about Jordan:

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: No, i–it’s alright, I, I’ve been trying to… I’m not sure what to do about it. […] I’m still not sure what to do about Jordan. […] Yeah, I just… I don’t usually know them…! [CHUCKLE] Jordan Kennedy did me a favour. He helped me with my own fear, a–about Jane Prentiss. […] MARTIN: … So what are we doing, Jon? ARCHIVIST: I want to see him. MARTIN: Fine, do your “knowing” thing, and then we can– ARCHIVIST: With my eyes.

With Daisy, there was only one thing they could do (Jon had been quick to point out to Basira that he couldn’t save her, and that the only option was to help Basira to fulfil her promise and kill what was left of Daisy); here, Jon might have already been struggling between possible options, instead of having to accept a single possible course of action.

- SOB, I’M SO GLAD THAT IT’S NOW CANON THAT ADELARD DEKKER TOOK AMHERST TO THE GRAVE WITH HIM TT_____TT

(MAG157, Adelard Dekker) “I can’t deny some pride in my solution, Gertrude. In all our discussions of how to contain a being that we could not destroy… I’m not sure we ever hit on a method quite so neat…! I am no builder but, by the end, I think you would have been hard-pressed to criticise how well that concrete had been laid – and Amherst four feet beneath it. […] But I shall not wait for it to putrefy as the rot overtakes me. I have dragged those other afflicted I could find into the Parkplatz, laid them at the feet of that appalling throne, and… taken the last gifts of that… generous construction site: a dozen cans of petrol. I will sit upon that seat, and release these poor souls from their suffering. [INHALE] And hopefully make things simpler, for the ECDC clean-up crews.”

(MAG184) MARTIN: Well… who’s the avatar in charge here then? That… Amherst guy? ARCHIVIST: No, John Amherst was encased in concrete and shrivelled away to nothing after just a few years. If they’d unearthed him before the Change… maybe, but as it was he was so starved of fear…

* I would have been heartbroken if Amherst had eventually managed to escape, but no! Adelard improvised, he improvised well, and his last actions were a success on all accounts (isolating Amherst permanently until he faded away, and at least allowing his last victims a merciful death since there was nothing that could have possibly saved them) TT____TT

(I’m still crossing fingers for anything about Dekker before the end (additional lore? His missing statement from 1991? A tape with his voice?) but I’m at least glad to know that he was successful, that he indeed made a difference before the Change, preventing Amherst from hurting anyone else…)

* Ahahahaha… Jon explaining that a fellow avatar “shrivelled away to nothing” because he was deprived of fear… right after Jon proved that being cut from The Eye was impacting him at Upton House… (Martin had connected the dots, understanding that turning the world back would not be good for Jon, but they also pushed back that conversation and… they really need to have it at some point…)

- Extra-relieved that Amherst is dead, since Martin asked if he was the avatar in charge in this domain: how awful would have it been, for Amherst to rule over the domain trapping Jordan… given that he had been Jordan’s first brush with The Corruption?

(MAG055) JORDAN: Got my first weird call about five years ago. It was ants, or so I was told. Down in Bromley. […] I watched as the door opened and a man stepped out. He was tall, maybe 6 and a half feet?, but it was hard to be sure of his shape inside the huge, brown suit he was wearing. He took one look at me, then the sign on the side of my van that read “Kennedy Pest Control”, and his face began to crease with rage.

I’m concerned, however, that Martin’s first reflex is still to cling to the idea that avatars are a necessary part of the domains, and that destroying them would improve the sufferers’ situation, whereas Jon had quite clearly explained that it wasn’t the case:

(MAG184) MARTIN: Well… who’s the avatar in charge here then? That… Amherst guy? […] So, who then? ARCHIVIST: Well, I’m not sure if… MARTIN: Jon, who is it? ARCHIVIST: It’s the ants. MARTIN: What? Ohhhh, like a, like a huge ant queen or something? ARCHIVIST: No. All of them. As a collective. MARTIN: [FURTHER SOUNDS OF HIS LACK OF ENTHUSIASM] ARCHIVIST: Crawling, devouring, spreading. One colony, one being… MARTIN: [DISGUSTED EXHALE] ARCHIVIST: One avatar. MARTIN: Right. Great. [SHUFFLING, BAG JOSTLING] … Nope. Nope, do not like that one at all, no. Okay. So what happens if you destroy them then? I–I mean, if they’re both the avatar and the domain? ARCHIVIST: The whole place would collapse and then, without The Corruption’s influence, I think The Buried would flow in to fill the gap.

(MAG174) ARCHIVIST: Uh… I’ve done so much damage, an–and anything that might help to balance that is–! [SOFT SIGH] … But killing other avatars, it, it’s not… I, I don’t think it makes anything better. I think it just makes me worse. MARTIN: … You’re removing evil from the world! ARCHIVIST: I, I’m not, though, am I? [STATIC RISES] The tenement fire is still burning; the mortal garden is growing wild; the carousel i–

Martin still hasn’t fully registered that “avatars” don’t matter that much in the new world (domains will keep working without them), and it was also blatant in the way he also concluded that there might be a “huge ant queen” controlling everything. Once again, it makes me afraid of the fallout when he will have to understand that Jonah is likely not the problem nor the thing allowing the apocalypse to keep running, even if he launched it… ;;

- The existence of the ants as both domain&avatar also makes me wonder about Helen: it’s basically the Distortion’s status, too? Jon had even pointed out last episode that she had a place like any other:

(MAG183) ARCHIVIST: Eventually. It’s a shorter path, with faces we know along the way. Including Helen. MARTIN: I thought Helen was her domain, wi–with all the doors and that? ARCHIVIST: She is, but she has a… position within this pseudo-landscape, like any other.

If the Distortion gets destroyed, which fear would “flow in to fill the gap”…?

… Is Jon himself an avatar who is also a domain, in some way…?

- Martin is still the audience surrogate in the way he asks the right questions with the information we were given to try to assemble the pieces together, but it’s also what he is doing for himself – he’s trying to understand! He’s trying to get the logic and narrow down what they can do!

(MAG184) MARTIN: Well… who’s the avatar in charge here then? That… Amherst guy? […] So, who then? […] Okay. So what happens if you destroy them then? I–I mean, if they’re both the avatar and the domain? […] I thought you said Smirke’s Fourteen was a load of bull? ARCHIVIST: I said it was limited, and draws artificial borders, but it does have its use when it comes to conceptualising these things. Regardless, I’m pretty sure we’d be left somewhat… entombed? MARTIN: But we could get out, though? ARCHIVIST: Eventually.

Yay for the Fourteen/Fifteen still being a valid and useful tool >:D (Though with the caution that it’s one reading tool, and not an absolute law.) I also like how Jon’s explanation flowed very well with what we had heard from the statement, when it comes to The Buried being likely to invade the place if The Corruption was diminished? Absolutely no surprise that Martin tapped out of the idea of getting trapped here since:

(MAG015) ARCHIVIST: I sent Tim to check the details – Martin declined to help with this investigation as he’s “a bit claustrophobic”.

So yep. Not up for staying trapped in a Buried domain for long. (And Martin might have thought of Jon’s Coffin adventure, too? Even though he hadn’t been there to witness Jon’s resulting PTSD afterwards. It meant a lot that Jon still offered the possibility given that it could have meant getting trapped in a Buried domain for a while, again. ;_;)

- Martin made some progress in understanding what Jon could and couldn’t do… except in this case, it turns out that it wasn’t exactly what Jon had said:

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: I’m still not sure what to do about Jordan. MARTIN: I mean… What can we do, really? You’ve been pretty clear there’s no way for us to help the people who are trapped here as victims so… so we leave him here like all the others, and eventually we save everyone!

;_; Martin’s hopes hurt a bit – trying to see the bigger picture, pouring his effort towards a Big Solution, potentially to cheer up Jon by laying out a plan that feels quite simple (and awfully optimistic). Meanwhile, Jon had… not been that firm about his ability in the new world. He had specifically said:

(MAG171) ARCHIVIST: I don’t care. JARED: … No. You don’t, do you? ARCHIVIST: … I can’t… There’s too many. I can’t save everyone. [EXHALE] I c–, I can’t save anyone.

And I had been intrigued, back then, by that “everyone” turning into “anyone”… which wasn’t exactly the same thing.

- The point about them mostly knowing avatars was equally funny and indeed a terrible tidbit:

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: Jordan Kennedy did me a favour. He helped me with my own fear, a–about Jane Prentiss. MARTIN: I sometimes forget that most of the people we know are avatars. ARCHIVIST: Yes, that… Hmm. Not sure I like that realisation. Our peers… MARTIN: Yeah. [INHALE] Dinner parties are going to be tricky, eh! ARCHIVIST: Hm!

Sob about that “ours peers” (including Martin. Martin didn’t protest but cut that segment shut pretty quickly. The recent news still stings, uh.), and Martin still insisting on “avatars” even though Jon snapped in the previous episode that the term doesn’t describe a clear-cut reality. (Gasp, is Martin implying that they didn’t have dinner parties with Annabelle at Upton House? Jon had mentioned he didn’t want to eat anything brought by Annabelle and Martin had pointed out that she was providing food for them.)

That “most of the people we know are avatars” makes sense story-wise? But it’s also true that all the characters we’ve met were avatars, or victims of the Fears, or touched by them through Jon, something Jon had kind of alluded to in season 3:

(MAG094) ARCHIVIST: Uh, no, I– I just… Ther–there’s been a lot of statements, in not a lot of time. I’m… I’m exhausted. I kind of wish I knew, uh, knew even one person who genuinely wasn’t involved. GEORGIE: Maybe that’s why you thought of me? ARCHIVIST: Hm? GEORGIE: I mean, it’s been years, and there must be other old friends you lost touch with. Maybe you did know? ARCHIVIST: Yeah, maybe. I, uh…

And mmmm… The Web has such a knack for storytelling, for activities revolving around the idea of crafting a story, that the question had to be asked: is it a coincidence? Is it perfectly legitimate given the circumstances of having worked at the Institute for years? Or did something influence Jon&Martin, for the only people they’ve known for the past years to have been somehow connected with the Fears?

- I love how we could perfectly understand that Jon was making a Face here:

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: I want to see him. MARTIN: Fine, do your “knowing” thing, and then we can– ARCHIVIST: With my eyes. MARTIN: … Okay. But, just so you know, the tunnels to get there are absolutely craw– Yeah, okay. Yes, no, yes, you already know. [SIGH] Lead on.

Martin…

- The soundscaping of the ants this episode was AWFUL, and Jordan’s wails were AWFUL, kudos to Tim Ledsam, I hated it so much, it lasted for so long and was making me so uneasy TT__TT

(MAG184) [MORE SWARMING SOUNDS] JORDAN: [WAILS OF PAIN AND STRUGGLES] MARTIN: Christ… [BAG JOSTLING] Jon? JORDAN: You…! What are–? F–from the Magnus– Ah! Help me! MARTIN: … Jon, what are we doing here? JORDAN: [WAILS OF PAIN] ARCHIVIST: I don’t… I– JORDAN: [ANGUISHED SCREAMS OF AGONY] Help! Please! [SCREAMS]

I was a bit surprised that Jordan could directly see Jon? So far, only the Spider had potentially referred to Jon (MAG172: “It’s such a shame, but I couldn’t do such a thing even if I wanted to! The man in the audience saw to that! [CHUCKLES] I am no more free than you are, little puppet.”), and the Spider was part of the fear, or even the ruler of that domain; Jon had even pointed out to Martin that victims wouldn’t hear them, or at least not Martin (MAG163: “I–ignore them, they’re not… Just ignore them. […] I just mean there’s no point… talking to them. […] They won’t hear you, Martin, they’re all… too busy waiting to die.”). Could Jordan see Jon because Jon was already in a Beholding mode? Because of their connection, since Jordan had given a live statement and had been trapped in Jon’s Beholding dreams for two years, thus initially being Jon’s own victim? It was interesting that in this case, he could directly see and interact with Jon, and I wonder why it could happen…

- When Jon began to intone, I feared for a second that he was going to mercy-kill Jordan, since he had been pleading for help – until Jon reached the “Gaze” part, since… it was reminiscent of MAG120, so something different was happening!

(MAG184) [STATIC RISES: LOW AND SPIRALLING, PRESSURING] ARCHIVIST: Ceaseless Watcher, look upon this man– MARTIN: Jon… ARCHIVIST: –subsumed by terror and gripped with swarming fear. JORDAN: [WAILS OF PAIN] [DIGITAL GLITCHING SOUNDS] ARCHIVIST: Gaze into him, through him… and out of him. MARTIN: What does that mean? ARCHIVIST: Make him a vessel of your hunger… JORDAN: [WAILS OF PAIN] ARCHIVIST: … staring out and harvesting with a thousand, thousand, thousand, tiny, eager, eyes. [DIGITAL GLITCHING SOUNDS] MARTIN: Hang on… JORDAN: [WAILS OF PAIN] [STATIC INCREASES FURTHER] ARCHIVIST: Gift him your power and protection – make him yours. [STATIC DECREASES AND FADES]

(MAG120) ELIAS: “And at last, the Archivist looks up. [STATIC INCREASES] At last, he looks into The Eye that sees all, and knows all, and clutches at the secret terrors of your heart. The Ceaseless Watcher of all that is, and all that was; the voracious, infinite hunger that tears at his soul, invoking him to discover, to observe, to experience all and everything and forever. It stares into him, and it stares out of him, and he is falling into the devouring eternity of its pupil. He wants to cry out in horror – but he cannot.  He. is. whole.”

* Regardless of what Jon actually does when drawing Beholding’s powers, I don’t liiiiike that he’s doing it in the first place, and I don’t liiiiike that it’s about Beholding taking ownership of people and their sufferings (“yours”) ;; Jon had mentioned that the smiting was “making [him] worse” (MAG174), I personally interpreted it as using Beholding’s powers, period, being something that makes him worse, and Jon feels so… frightening when he does this? Long-term, we know it can’t mean anything good ;;

* Martin’s incomprehension during the chant was so satisfying to hear; I found it a bit funny (Martin being absolutely out the loop and wtfh and perfect audience surrogate), and it also brings me relief (Martin reacting and agreeing that it’s something weird and off and potentially dangerous).

* SOB about Jon’s imprecation to turn Jordan into “a vessel of your hunger staring out and harvesting with a thousand, thousand, thousand, tiny, eager, eyes.”: a lot of statements, since the Change, have had mentions of eyes, of the feeling of being watched, as if they were relays for Beholding to feast on… and the idea that it would watch everything through the ants’ eyes is a horrifying thought, which makes so much sense.

Lore-wise: it… wasn’t an absolute surprise that Jon could turn a watched into a watcher, since Helen had pointed out that Jon was able to turn one into the other in the context of the Not!Them’s death, but never said anything about it being a one-direction mechanism:

(MAG166) HELEN: We’re all here, Martin. The Stranger; The Buried; The Desolation; all of us. But The Eye still rules. All this fear is being performed for its benefit. And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: the watcher, and the watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid. And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus. Turn the one into the other. And for those of us whose very existence relies on being feared, well… To be turned into a victim destroys us utterly. And very, very painfully.

Helen had also mentioned last episode that they were “all snoops now”, so… not surprising, either, that Jordan’s change (although bounding him to the ants and The Corruption) had to go through eyes…

- Sound effects-wise: same pressuring static and glitching sounds as during a smiting, except that we didn’t get the ripping parts (… since there was no smiting). I hate this static; it’s so well-done but it fills me with dread, “something bad is happening” feelings every time ;;

- Jordan BROKE MY HEART all through the episode, but him being confused and lost after his transformation was extra-painful.

(MAG184) [SILENCE BUT FOR THE ANT SOUNDS, A LOT LESS] [SIBILANT BUZZ, SIMILAR TO THAT OF INSECT WINGS] ARCHIVIST: … Jordan? JORDAN: Wha… Wh–what is this? ARCHIVIST: How do you feel? JORDAN: [QUAVERING] I, I don’t… I, I know you. From the Magnus Institute. What are you d–doing here? What is this? MARTIN: [THIN-LIPPED] Yeah, I’m curious about that myself. JORDAN: What did you do to me? I feel…

Jon and the other avatars we’ve met had to go through a process, with different steps. For Jordan, everything changed in one go – no wonder he was absolutely upset and distressed to get changed and to be suddenly relying on a new source of energy ;_; The new buzzing sound in the background already marking that he wasn’t the same… He was potentially physically transformed, too? Half-insect? How harsh, given that he used to be an exterminator and that Jon still identified him as that…

(As for the hisses-like sounds, I interpreted it as Jordan being directly fed the fears from his domain?)

- Amongst the heartbreaking bits, ALL THE PARALLELS with Jon and his own transformation as the Archivist.

* The fear feeling good and awful at the same time?

(MAG147) ARCHIVIST: What I’ve been doing to these people, it– … It hasn’t been because I was… “puppetted”, or “controlled”, or “possessed”. I wanted to do it. It felt good. … But at least, I know I can stop. I just… [INHALE] don’t know how. I… [INHALE] I don’t… want… to stop… … Goddamn!

(Season 5 trailer) ARCHIVIST: Yes, I, I’m trying not to, but… all of the fear, th–the anguish, i–it just… [INHALE] It keeps coming at me in waves, rolling over me, filling my head with such… awful sights. MARTIN: … I’m sorry. That sounds… [SMALL EXHALE] That sounds horrible. ARCHIVIST: … I wish it was, Martin. I really wish it was. … But it feels… right. [MIRTHLESS HUFF]

(MAG184) JORDAN: What did you do to me? I feel… ARCHIVIST: Better? JORDAN: Sick. [HISSING SOUND] Like I– [HISSING SOUND] [GASP] … What…? What was that? ARCHIVIST: You’re seeing it. Feeling it, the fear of all the others here. JORDAN: All that screaming… They’re everywhere… crawling over them, like they did me… It feels… ARCHIVIST: Good? JORDAN: … Yeah… But wrong. Sick. … What did you do to me?

(With Jordan potentially having his own Corruption-flavour to it? It might have felt “sick” to him because feeding from suffering is a twisted thing, but also because what feels good for a Corruption avatar is precisely what feels like a disease.)

* Jordan wanting to reject what he had become and insisting that it hadn’t been something he wanted?

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: [EMPHATICALLY] I never chose this. ELIAS: You never wanted this, no. But I’m afraid you absolutely did choose it. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] ELIAS: In a hundred ways, at a hundred thresholds, you pressed on. You sought knowledge relentlessly, and you always chose to see. Our world is made of choices, Jon, and very rarely do we truly know what any of them mean. But we make them nonetheless.

(MAG184) JORDAN: “Helped me”? I don’t feel right, I, I just– [HISSING SOUND] [GASP] No, I don’t– [HISSING SOUND] I don’t want this! [THE INSECTILE NOISE GETS MORE PRONOUNCED] MARTIN: Jordan? Jordan, just relax, it’ll be fine, you’ll be okay. JORDAN: No, I don’t– I didn’t ask for this! ARCHIVIST: You preferred the ants? JORDAN: … No! ARCHIVIST: Covered and agonised? I know how scared you were, I felt it. JORDAN: It was… It was a nightmare. And I couldn’t wake up. But this is, uh… I don’t understand…

Which made Jon into “the Elias” in this situation (as the person directly responsible for turning someone into an agent serving one of the Fears), and also showed how Jon, precisely, wasn’t Elias: their motivations differ greatly (self-gain versus sympathy/pity), and Jon didn’t try to gaslight Jordan by putting the blame on him via his “choice”.

* Jordan struggling with the idea of hurting others and feeding from their misery?

(MAG152) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … When does it stop? HELEN: What? ARCHIVIST: The guilt… The misery… All the others I’ve met, they’ve been… cold. Cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does The Eye… make me monstrous? HELEN: [LAUGHS AND LAUGHS, ECHOING] Why would it ever do that? […] Helen was like you, at first. She felt such guilt over taking people. Until one day, she realised she wasn’t going to stop doing it. So she chose to stop feeling guilty.

(MAG184) JORDAN: You turned me into what? A torturer? ARCHIVIST: Yes. JORDAN: … Why? […] I don’t… I don’t know how to be this. I don’t want to scare people. ARCHIVIST: No. But you’ll learn.

* Jordan feeling lost about his new status, what would happen from then on, whether he was still himself?

(MAG092) ARCHIVIST: I’m not getting any answers out of this, am I? ELIAS: The easily digestible sort, that wipe away any doubt and fear and neatly organise your new world into happy little columns? ARCHIVIST: [SCOFF] ELIAS: … No. Not from me. These are things you must discover on your own. […] ARCHIVIST: Am I… Elias, am I still human? ELIAS: Jon. What does human even mean? I mean, really? You still bleed, you can still die. And your will is still your own, mostly. That’s more than can be said for a lot of the “real” humans out there.

(MAG184) JORDAN: … Am I still me? ARCHIVIST: I don’t know how to answer that. I can put you back if you want. You could become a victim again? Rather than complicit.

Jon was absolutely sincere in that moment: he had questioned his identity so much in season 3 and season 4, and… hadn’t really found an answer:

(MAG093) ARCHIVIST: You’ve seen monsters? GEORGIE: Not the time, Jon. ARCHIVIST: Right, it’s… it’s just I think I’m turning into one.

(MAG099) GEORGIE: You’re not doing well. You keep apologising and saying you’re changing, but it’s all just the same. […] Look, you’re worried. I get it. But if you really think you’re turning into something… inhuman, you need people around you. You need anchors.

(MAG122) BASIRA: Jon, is it still… you? ARCHIVIST: Uh… Y… yes. Y–yes, I… I think so? I–I don’t know how you’d… prove it, though. […] They can be hard though, sometimes, other–other people. Feelings. I, I’m… I’m trying to focus. Trying to… make sure I’m… the same me as before, but… how can anyone really remember that? How do you know… you’re the same person that went to sleep…?

(MAG126) ARCHIVIST: A “Great Twisting”, that Gertrude stopped at the cost of a single life. … I thought… moving away from my humanity… would have made that seem more acceptable. That sort of sacrifice… But it just makes me sad…

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: I… [SIGH] I don’t feel like I’m exactly in the best place to judge the… intersection [CHUCKLE] between free will and humanity. Still trying to figure that out myself. […] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else so, if I can maybe stop that happening, and [MIRTHLESS CHUCKLE] the only danger is to me, I– I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario… the universe loses another monster.

(MAG142) DAISY: And of course, for Jon, there’s survivor’s guilt in there, too. He thinks he’s not human. Makes him very… self-destructive.

I feel like, mostly, what happened to Jordan put them both in opposition to Jonah. He had declared that:

(MAG160, Jonah Magnus) “Why does a man seek to destroy the world? It’s a simple enough answer: for immortality, and power. Uninspired, perhaps, but – my God! The discovery, not simply of the dark and horrible reality of the world in which you live, but that you would quite willingly doom that world and confine the billions in it to an eternity of terror and suffering, all to ensure your own happiness; to place yourself beyond pain, and death, and fear. It is an awful thing to know about yourself, but the freedom, Jon, the freedom of it all…! I have dedicated my life to handing the world to these Dread Powers, all for my own gain, and I feel… nothing but satisfaction, in that choice.”

And we’ve seen through Jon in season 4, and with Jordan right now, that… no. There is no “freedom” in that choice. There is only guilt and despair.

(Jonah, you might have had over two centuries to rot and become like this, but by October 18th 2018, you were trash, and that was all you.)

- I also love/hate the complexity around the “help” that was granted: Jordan was pleading for it. Jordan wanted his hell to stop. Jon answered that call and gave what he could, and it comes after bitterly pointing out that his actions were limited for long, but that he was conscious of his power and would like to help somehow…

(MAG173) ARCHIVIST: I don’t know what you want me to do! MARTIN: I want you to use your power, I want you to help them, I want you to make things better! ARCHIVIST: There – is – no – “better” anymore. MARTIN: You keep saying that, and I hate it! […] What I know is that leaving children here is… i–i–it’s inexcusable, i–it’s monstrous! ARCHIVIST: Martin, tell me what you want me to do, and I will do it! […] MARTIN: The sooner we get back to the Archives, the sooner we can put a stop to this. All of this. They just… [INHALE] They’ll just need to hang on a little longer. ARCHIVIST: … Right. [EXHALE] Right.

(MAG174) MARTIN: … What is it, Jon, what’s wrong? ARCHIVIST: I–I just–! … This whole… “avenging angel” thing, I–I’m not… It doesn’t feel right. MARTIN: … It seemed to feel right when we were avenging all the wrongs done against you! ARCHIVIST: I know. I–I–I know, all right? But, well, th–… [SIGH] That’s kind of the problem, I have all this… power and, and I, I want to use it to try and help, but I… I don’t know, I mean, I do. Uh… I’ve done so much damage, an–and anything that might help to balance that is–! [SOFT SIGH] … But killing other avatars, it, it’s not… I, I don’t think it makes anything better. I think it just makes me worse.

(MAG184) JORDAN: You…! What are–? F–from the Magnus– Ah! Help me! […] [ANGUISHED SCREAMS OF AGONY] Help! Please! [SCREAMS] […] It feels… ARCHIVIST: Good? JORDAN: … Yeah… But wrong. Sick. … What did you do to me? ARCHIVIST: I helped you. JORDAN: “Helped me”? I don’t feel right, I, I just– [HISSING SOUND] [GASP] No, I don’t– [HISSING SOUND] I don’t want this! […] ARCHIVIST: What was I supposed to do? I owed you. Didn’t want to just watch you suffer. […] I’m sorry, the world is… It’s bad all over. I just wanted to spare you what I could. JORDAN: … Yeah. ARCHIVIST: Because… because I owed you.

And Jon helped in a way, made Jordan’s suffering stop, but… on the other hand, Jordan has every right to feel like it isn’t “help” at all, that it was a cruel action replacing an awful situation by another.

Just like with Leto, everything felt like an impossible situation, in which there was no good choice or good action to undertake. Should Jon have asked Jordan whether he wanted to be turned into an avatar, and lay out all the consequences and what it encompassed? Yes; but would Jordan, in the middle of being endlessly swarmed and bitten by the ants, have been in any state to understand and consider it thoughtfully anyway?

Should Jon just have kept going as Martin had initially suggested (without knowing that Jon had another option in mind)? Is it right to leave everyone in hell on their way, to ignore individual suffering when it happens right in front of them, while focusing on the big picture of ultimately saving everyone? Isn’t Jon’s spurt of pity for someone who had helped him in the past (and that he had hurt through his dreams for two years by the time of the Change) understandable, or is it plain favouritism? Meanwhile, doesn’t Jordan have every right to feel upset, given that this person changed his life and existence so drastically and made it another shade of bad without asking him?

Same thing with Jon giving Jordan the choice to be turned back: it’s… just complex for everyone. Jon could do it, it’s an option left to Jordan and Jon is being honest by sharing it with him. It’s the best he could do! … And Jordan’s distrust and disgust is equally understandable: unwillingly, Jon is also making Jordan admit that he would rather hurt than being hurt. But can we blame Jordan for this?

(MAG152) ARCHIVIST: … I’ve been thinking a lot about Jane. She was the first, you know? The first I actually… “encountered” like… [SMALL HUFF] like us. She seemed so… inhuman. Like everything she used to be was… stripped away…! HELEN: And now? ARCHIVIST: … I wonder how much of her was still in there. How much did she choose to be what she was? I read her statement, she was… [SIGH] She was scared. I assumed she’d been possessed completely against her will, but now I’m not even sure that’s possible…! HELEN: It is astounding the sort of things you’re willing to choose, given an unpleasant enough alternative, isn’t it? ARCHIVIST: How much of “willpower” is just… safety. Comfort by another name. The option to choose and be fine.

And, at the same time, wouldn’t the other people trapped in the domain have every right to hate Jordan now that their suffering is procuring him enjoyment?

It was like with Leto: every move, every decision, meant causing hurt, only in a different way. Jon had pointed out in the past that there was “no better”:

(MAG173) ARCHIVIST: There – is – no – “better” anymore. MARTIN: You keep saying that, and I hate it! ARCHIVIST: I keep saying it because it keeps being true, you know that!

(MAG178) ARCHIVIST: No one gets what they deserve. Not in this place. They just get whatever hurts them the most! … Even me.

… and once again demonstrated why.

(With the usual caveat that: Jon’s knowledge and powers are directly given by The Eye, which has already been shown keen on self-preservation with Eric’s tape explaining how to cut one’s ties to it. “There is no better” in Jon’s understanding of the apocalypse: but he’s not fully omniscient, he’s limited by his own point of view and by his own human limitations, and he’s not immune to making assumptions (just like when Daisy was able to hurt him, surprising him). There could still be other alternatives… outside of the box, instead of relying on his Beholding powers, just like Salesa’s camera had been something that Jon hadn’t known anything about before getting an explanation, just like Jon can’t see Georgie&Melanie, just like Jon still can’t see nor know what Annabelle is doing.)

- I am squinting a bit at Jordan describing what he was experiencing as a nightmare from which he couldn’t wake up, since… Jon had mentioned not being able to sleep anymore, back in the cabin:

(MAG161) MARTIN: You should get some sleep. [CREAKING SOUND] ARCHIVIST: I… [SIGH] can’t. I–I–I can’t, I–I don’t think I do anymore… “Sleep”. [EXHALE] How long’s it been, now? MARTIN: I don’t know. It’s not like there are days to count anymore. All the clocks have stopped, and… [DISTANT HOWL] ARCHIVIST: Well, I haven’t yet. I get… tired, but it doesn’t feel the same. [WOODEN CREAKING SOUND] Probably for the best. Sleep doesn’t look… pleasant.

(MAG184) JORDAN: It was… It was a nightmare. And I couldn’t wake up. But this is, uh… I don’t understand…

Is Jon “dreaming” in way, and does he need to wake up, somehow, for everything to stop…?

- I don’t like the contrast between Martin’s and Jon’s description of the current events:

(MAG184) MARTIN: I mean… What can we do, really? You’ve been pretty clear there’s no way for us to help the people who are trapped here as victims so… so we leave him here like all the others, and eventually we save everyone! […] ARCHIVIST: I’ll try to explain. [INTONING] The world is over. Dark powers that feed on fear have transformed everything we know into a twisted hellscape, where humanity is tormented to feed their hunger. We’re all trapped, but I have a certain level of “power” in this new world, so, I– […] I’m sorry, the world is… It’s bad all over. I just wanted to spare you what I could. JORDAN: … Yeah. […] I’d like to be alone. MARTIN: Of course. [BAG JOSTLING] JORDAN: No, wait. I’ll never be alone again, will I? [SILENCE BUT FOR THE ANT SOUNDS] MARTIN: … Come on, Jon. We should just go.

Martin is pretty clear on the fact that he thinks/hopes for a solution… but Jon’s description implied that no, he isn’t believing in anything getting better ever – he’s acting like the current reality will be eternal and won’t ever change. He didn’t even mention to Jordan that they were trying to fix everything, that hopefully, Jordan’s new state wouldn’t last forever because they would manage to turn the world back.

It’s not the first time Jon has acted as if there is no solution, but he had initially left the cabin announcing that he and Martin would “find out” whether it was possible to reverse the Change. Since MAG164, when Jon tried to take a peak at the Entities, it feels like… he has lost all hope in that regard? Does Jon know something that he hasn’t shared, did he deduce it from his Knowing from MAG164, or has he lost hope through lassitude and compassion fatigue…? (Martin! Martin, please, pick up on the fact that Jon’s words, for the last few episodes, are implying that he thinks this world will stay as is! ;;)

- I’m weeping for Jordan understanding parts of his new reality:

(MAG184) JORDAN: Can I at least… go outside? Can I leave these tunnels, the… the ants? Am I… free? ARCHIVIST: You’re part of them now. And they’re a part of you. JORDAN: Oh… […] I’d like to be alone. MARTIN: Of course. [BAG JOSTLING] JORDAN: No, wait. I’ll never be alone again, will I?

Still can’t go outside, still no freedom… And he’s now kinda the “queen” that he was seeking to destroy… he was vainly trying to flee the ants (to be alone!) and is now part of them… and there is still that awful irony of the exterminator becoming an agent of The Corruption…

- Regarding Jon’s powers and what he offered to Jordan:

(MAG184) ARCHIVIST: I don’t know how to answer that. I can put you back if you want. You could become a victim again? Rather than complicit.

* So, he could revert Jordan into a victim… without killing him? That’s interesting considering how Helen had explained what Jon had done to the Not!Them:

(MAG166) HELEN: And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: the watcher, and the watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid. And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus. Turn the one into the other. And for those of us whose very existence relies on being feared, well… To be turned into a victim destroys us utterly. And very, very painfully.

Why wouldn’t Jordan – now an avatar, a Watcher – die from being reverted to a victim? Is it because at this point, Jordan had not directly hurt people, or was familiar to their suffering (as a victim himself until a few minutes ago)? Is it because he changed status during the apocalypse, so was “created” as an avatar in the new environment and that changes things? If Jon were to meet him again waaay later, would he still be able to turn Jordan back just fine (like he just offered), or would it destroy Jordan because, by then, Jordan would have fed too much on the suffering? Or is it because it felt right to Jon that Jordan, who hadn’t hurt people and had been good to me, would be able to revert to his previous state without consequences, while in Jon’s mind, previous avatars and monsters were intrinsically linked to the pain they caused, so wouldn’t be able to survive the pain as watched…?

(* … Jon didn’t offer a mercy-kill like he did with Breekon, though ;; I’m glad that he didn’t, but would it have been technically possible…?)

* So, we got Jon turning Watchers into Watched to the point of destroying them (Not!Them, Jude, Jared, Breekon); we now get Jon turning a Watched into a Watcher, and he brought up the possibility of reversing the process once again, non-lethally… So turning someone from Watcher into Watched non-lethally is an available option, and I wonder if we’ll see that one actually happen…

- Although I do understand Jon’s unease about Jordan, I’m worried about his insistence that he “owed” Jordan. It’s… perfectly fine on its own, but it also made me feel like the phrasing and vocabulary of a god…? Because Jon would have plenty of reasons to want to improve Jordan’s situation (or to lessen his pain) without that one, and he had brought up that his motivation to hurt Jude and others had been “revenge”.

Was Jon genuine? Is it a bit of Beholding motivating him (rewarding the ones who had helped him and fed him fears; punishing the ones who had marked him)? … Or is it Jon trying to avoid that he felt guilt? Because Jordan wasn’t always afraid of ants, not initially: he was an exterminator, used to deal with creatures, who happened to brush with the supernatural during his work but hadn’t been terrorised by it. What might have turned the ants into his worst fear might have been… the fact that he gave his statement to Jon and got trapped in his nightmares for two years:

(MAG055) ARCHIVIST: … It’s been months, though. Why are you… just looking to make your statement now? JORDAN: Uh, it’s not really… it’s not just burning her body. I was also the one that was first called in to deal with the nest in her old apartment. ARCHIVIST: Oh… JORDAN: Yeah! But there are a few things I’ve been thinking about, putting some pieces together and I thought, well, you guys should probably know. […] I’ve never really minded. I mean, I guess I could say… killing things is sort of exerting control over them, but I’ve always felt that trying to sanitise my job is somehow a bit… dishonest. Like trying to help people forget that what they’re actually doing is commissioning the death of creatures which we’ve deemed… too disgusting or unhealthy to live. It needs doing, don’t get me wrong, and I’m happy enough to do it. But it isn’t my job to hold people’s hands and make them feel better about it.

(MAG120) ELIAS: “Behind him are the ants. They move like a terrible rolling wave along the hard-packed ground, and he can see every twitching antenna, every clenching mandible. Somewhere, underneath that twitching, burrowing mass, is the exterminator. He is screaming. The Archivist knows he is screaming, can see him screaming, although the sound is lost under the noise of those hundred million ants that crawl and scurry over everything. For a second, a hand breaches the shifting mound, desperately stretched towards the Archivist in supplication, pleading for help. The Archivist watches, as it disappears painfully back into that sea of scrabbling life. Then all at once, the ants are gone, fled in a moment away from the still shuddering form of the exterminator – and a familiar terror finally pushes its way into the Archivist’s heart. […] The exterminator looks to her, then to the Archivist, and it is not certain which he fears more.”

So, in that way, Jon had contributed to turn the ants into Jordan’s worst fear – and that would be reason enough to feel guilt about it, combined with the fact that for two years, Jon had been unable to help him in the nightmares.

- … On the matter of Jon’s dreams, it was noteworthy that at no point at all did Jon mention that he had seen Jordan suffer in them for the past two years. The nightmare zoo is apparently a sore spot for Jon? He had displayed a tendency to… just not talk about them, unless absolutely necessary (and awkwardly!):

(MAG113) ARCHIVIST: I’m not too concerned, to be honest, my dreams are, uh… well, let’s just say I don’t think they’re going be letting anyone else in any time soon. End recording.

(MAG122) BASIRA: How much do you remember? ARCHIVIST: I don’t… Music. Everything was… wrong. Gertrude was there, and then… Dancing – I think? Then… pain. And I was somewhere else. Dreaming. BASIRA: Dreaming. ARCHIVIST: Yes… [PAUSE] You’re… sure, a–about… Tim?

(MAG132) DAISY: I realised you were in my dreams. Reliving t… this. The coffin. You were there. ARCHIVIST: … Yes. DAISY: Didn’t think it was real. Not really… Just my mind putting you there, because I h–hated you but… no.

(MAG136) [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … Daisy. DAISY: Mm? ARCHIVIST: It, uh… Hm. Is, uh… Weird question, but… I… [EXHALE] I haven’t seen you in my dreams? The last couple of weeks? DAISY: … Oh, uh, no. I… I work here, now. I figured it seems to protect the others, so… ARCHIVIST: Oh. Right, so… […] So… no more dreams. DAISY: Not of you and your weird eyes. Just the coffin. ARCHIVIST: Is that better…? DAISY: ’T’s mine. ARCHIVIST: … right.

If Martin and Jon are on a journey that is mostly internal, what is Jon’s? Does his guilt regarding his dreams and the pain he directly inflected to live statement-givers (the fact that he fed on their fears, during the act and through his dreams) have to do with it…?

- I’m curious about Jon pointing out that Jordan couldn’t touch them:

(MAG184) [FOOTSTEPS] JORDAN: The ants… If I told them to attack you… could they? ARCHIVIST: … No… Nothing can really touch us anymore.

Since Daisy had been able to (MAG179: “I’m surprised she could hurt you at all…!”

ARCHIVIST: Yes, that… came as a bit of a shock to me as well, actually…! […] I mean, I know it sounds strange but it… it… felt right for Daisy to be able to hurt me.” “Dream logic again?” “Mmm. The… ‘resonances’ from our relationship before the Change carried over and–”). Why was Daisy able to, in the first place? Because of her connection with Jon? Could Melanie&Georgie do it, too…?

Jon sounded SO TIRED at the end of the episode… 

- Martin tried to chirp in here and there, and was clearly peeved about what Jon had done, so I’m guessing they’ll talk about it starting the next episode:

(MAG184) MARTIN: Christ… [BAG JOSTLING] Jon? […] Jon, what are we doing here? […] What does that mean? […] Hang on… […] JORDAN: [QUAVERING] I, I don’t… I, I know you. From the Magnus Institute. What are you d–doing here? What is this? MARTIN: [THIN-LIPPED] Yeah, I’m curious about that myself. […] JORDAN: … Why? MARTIN: Good question. Jon? Care to enlighten us? ARCHIVIST: What was I supposed to do? I owed you. Didn’t want to just watch you suffer. MARTIN: It’s what you’ve been doing for everyone else…! It’s what you’re expecting him to do! […] JORDAN: No, wait. I’ll never be alone again, will I? [SILENCE BUT FOR THE ANT SOUNDS] MARTIN: … Come on, Jon. We should just go.

* (Aaaah for Martin trying to calm Jordan down, hearing his distress, and agreeing that it was a “lot to take in all at once”…)

* I feel like mostly, Martin had been thrown off because Jon hadn’t discussed what he was going to do beforehand? If they had done that, they might have reached the same conclusion, but given how Jon quickly acted, Martin was left to highlight the small hypocrisies (Jon said he couldn’t do anything, before; Jon wanted to do something, but he’s condemning Jordan to watch over his victims without helping them). I do understand Martin’s feelings about that – and also? Jon wielding Beholding powers so impulsively is extremely worrisome, I hope they’ll talk about that bit ;;

* It’s… also contributing to prove to Martin that his black&white dichotomy doesn’t really work in the new world. Since Jordan is now a Watcher feeding from the fear in his domain, since he is now in a technically better place than other victims, is he now entirely blameable? Should Jon smite him? It’s just as uncomfortable as with Callum (and Martin’s own situation, as unknowing Watcher).

- So, interesting that the people who had been trapped in Jon’s dreams weren’t concentrated in one domain, especially since Jon had pointed out that his domain was the-Archives-or-the-Institute-or-the-Panopticon (MAG167: “We all have a domain here, Martin. The place that feeds us.” “Oh. [PAUSE] Where’s yours?” “[MIRTHLESS CHUCKLE] I mean, we’re… traveling towards it.”). In a way, though, the whole world being Beholding’s domain might mean that it’s a bit Jon’s anyway…? I wonder if we’ll meet other old statement-givers on the way to London, then…

- Regarding Martin’s “journey” towards his domain: MAG183 felt Spiral to me, and this one was Corruption, which are two Fears who had victimised Martin too – he had been trapped by Prentiss for two weeks in season 1, he got lost with Tim in Michael’s corridors in season 2. Was it significant? Of other powers that likely left a big impact on him, apart from The Lonely (through Peter), there is The Flesh (Jared’s attack on the Institute when Jon was in a coma), and we already got a second statement for that one… (And perhaps Web because of his affinity for spiders? Vast because he had taken an avatar’s statement? Buried because of his claustrophobia mentioned in S1 + his worry when Jon went down into the Coffin?)

When it comes to the content of his self-journey: it feels to me, more and more, that it might be about his dichotomic view of the world between victims and avatars, his tendency to put the blame on avatars (and Jonah) instead of understanding how this world operates…? As this statement hammered in, there was “no queen”: at this point, I am entirely convinced that erasing Jonah won’t solve anything; he might have caused the apocalypse but his disappearance won’t fix the world. There was a bit of Martin in Jordan’s situation, in the way he had never asked to rule over a domain – yet, was now ruling over one, and was still agreeing that the alternative (being a victim) was worse. Is it about Martin admitting his privilege, accepting responsibility for the hurt he’s benefitting from, even if he’s not directly causing it and didn’t want it to happen in the first place…?

(…………… I mentioned earlier that another configuration induced by Jon’s powers could be to non-lethally turn a Watcher into a Watched, and actually… it could happen with Martin, as a temporary thing? Allowing him to become a victim trapped in his own domain for a bit, to see (and maybe interact) with his victims, learn about them, before being brought back as a Watcher…?)

Next episode’s title is… mmmm. I first thought of Manuela and Helen’s corridors, then of Jess and Karolina… but on the other hand, MAG183’s domain was already the second Spiral domain of this season, and MAG184 had a bit of Buried in it – would we get repeats so soon…? I could also picture End, but we got a second one in MAG180 and that was quite recent too. Title could also work for Agnes/Hill Top Road stuff, if perceived through a Web angle…? For the second meaning, it could mean lore about the world (again), and about Jon’s situation/status…

[unstrungbones]

Jonathan Sims and/or Will Graham bc im a predictable motherfucker

(you are very predictable in this sense and i love that about you)

i will do both because i am also a predictable motherfucker who loves both of these characters immensely.

(for Jon)

How I feel about this character

mm too many feelings to put into words here. jon is just a beautiful character all around and i love him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

martin because of the obvious, but also because martin clearly loves jon a lot even before their relationship is explicitly canon. jonmichael is good because ahh! both michael AND jon! fic for this can be a gamble though because i have some very specific tastes in how i want jonmichael to be and not every single one hits that. elias because See Previous Posts, but i hesitate to call this romantic in the same way the others are and would instead put it in its own category “characters you’d like to see this character get absolutely broken in every way by”.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

daisy! once again See Previous Posts.

My unpopular opinion about this character

please write more bad things happening to jonathan sims, and/or jonathan sims doing bad things to himself. please.

also, this is more about jonmartin, but stop ignoring all the ways in which jonmartin can be fucked up (in a good way)!! martin has issues too and those issues clash with jon’s and there is some delicious stuff there

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

most of my boxes have been checked just because jon is the main character.

(for Will)

How I feel about this character

pretty, traumatized, incredibly intelligent, he really does it all.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

hannibal but in a twisted and extraordinarily toxic way. i have many, many feelings about hannigram and some day i will subject you guys to all of them but that day is not today.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

honestly? beverly katz. this is more because i love beverly than anything else, but they’re a good team and i wish that friendship could’ve lasted longer.

My unpopular opinion about this character

this is exactly like all my other unpopular opinions, but stop it with the not-fucked-up will!! 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

i want them to explain how he feeds his dogs. who takes them on walks. how does he have so many? how does he feed them on his salary? how is his house not absolutely destroyed? bryan fuller i’m gonna need you on this right now

[dicedumpling]

[Get your Character’s Natal Chart here]

Chart Data For: Ryuuju Otogi 28 February 1980 at 09:54 (9:54 am) (time zone = UTC -8) Universal Time: 17:54 Las Vegas, Nevada, United States 36°N10' 115°W8' Tropical Zodiac Placidus Houses

Introduction

The following lists positions of planets and points in your natal chart with interpretations for key factors.

Planets and Points in The Signs

Sun in Pisces  9°  18' 13"

The Sun in the chart shows our character, personal identity, and ego. It represents our will to live and our creative life force. Just as the planets revolve around the Sun in our solar system, we derive our life purpose from the Sun in our natal charts. The Sun is our “adult”– the part of us that censors our “inner child,” reasons things out, and makes final decisions. The Sun also gives clues to our overall vitality. The Sun directs us and can be considered “the boss” of our chart.

When people ask you "What's your sign?", Pisces would be your answer. Technically, though, it's your Sun sign that is Pisces, and you're made up of many different sign combinations. Even so, your Sun sign is highly influential and significant, and we're interpreting this factor here.

As the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, Pisces contains within itself a little experience of all the signs. This gives Pisces Suns the incredible ability to identify with people from all walks of life--from all backgrounds--in some way. Pisceans are not only changeable and adaptable, they have open minds and tremendous understanding. But Pisces itself is often misunderstood. Pisces Suns may spend a good portion of their lives yearning for understanding, and the other part in a state of divine discontent. Suffering is sometimes glamorized in the Piscean world.

Sun in Pisces people are sometimes pegged as wishy-washy, but this is all a matter of opinion. What you will find behind a vaguely directionless manner is a deep, sincere person with real dreams. Their dreams are more than getting that picket fence or making it up the corporate ladder. Pisces are tuned in to a higher purpose and their goals transcend the individual. A deep love for humanity and compassion that knows few bounds is found with this placement of the Sun.

Pisceans are not known to be cutthroat business types, nor are they given to throwing themselves out into the world in an aggressive manner (unless their charts show strong indications of these tendencies). But make no mistake about it, Pisces can be extraordinarily successful when given a chance to express themselves. The arts, marketing, music, teaching, drama, healing arts... these are all fields in which Pisces can find expression. Their imagination, attunement to humanity, and remarkable intuition endow them with enviable gifts of insight and creativity.

Pisces is a sensitive sign--both sensitive to criticism and sensitive to others' feelings. Easily touched by human suffering, at least in theory, Pisces wouldn't hurt a fly. They believe in people, are deeply hurt by compassionless human behavior, and have a hard time saying no. Harsh realities are avoided either through escapist behavior or self-delusion; but every now and again reality does raise its ugly head and hits Pisces over the head. This is a sad time indeed. Pisces retreats into their own world, self-pitying and giving pep talks to themselves ("I will never trust again!"). Rest assured, though, that these periods are rather short-lived and even useful. Pisces seems to derive energy from their (generally short) bouts of self-pity. They come back stronger, with a spring in their step, ready to face the world again, and just as, if not more, compassionate and trusting as they were before. Some might even wonder if Pisces finds pleasure in suffering. Perhaps this is the case for a few, but most of the time, Pisces pulls a lot of creative energy from sadness. Pisces is the poet or artist with angst.

Some find Pisces' tendency to be late for appointments, spaced out behavior, or absent-mindedness amount to irresponsibility. Pisces would be shocked to know this, however. Who me? Pisces wonders. Irresponsible? Pisces Suns absolutely care -- their love knows few bounds -- but their retreats from ordinary life (whether they are as simple as daydreams or actual departures) that they do seem to need are not always understandable to no-nonsense signs, such as Virgo or Aries.

Many Pisces seem almost allergic to things like shopping lists, maps, directions, and instructions, and for some brave souls, even watches -- they prefer to feel their way through life than to follow a solid plan. Of course, Pisces with strong Capricorn, Aries, or Saturn, for example, in their charts will appreciate a guide map, at least.

You are generous, kind, creative, and peace-loving by nature. Your artistic sense is well-developed.

As a Pisces, you are wise, but you seem to retain a certain amount of innocence throughout life that keeps you vital and compassionate. This is because you believe -- in people, in life, in spirit, whatever it is you put your faith in, it keeps you vibrant. People appreciate you for your sense of humor, wordless understanding, and innate kindness.

Pisces vibes with Thursdays, the number 3, the colors aquamarine and variations of blue and green, opals and pearls, emerald, amethyst, silver jewelry, and the metal tin.

Your Sun sign is modified by various factors, including the aspects it makes to other planets and points, its house position, the house with the sign the Sun rules (Leo) on its cusp, and your Neptune and Jupiter signs since Neptune and Jupiter are your planetary rulers. These positions add more layers to the Sun in Pisces interpretation. Pisces is a Mutable Water sign. More on Pisces.

Ascendant in Taurus 28°  37' 12"

The Ascendant defines, in part, the first impression we make on others in a personal rather than professional sense. It represents our physical appearance, our physical bodies and overall health, and the body ego. It can be the mask or costume we wear to greet the world. It reveals our natural and personal defense mechanisms that we use to adapt to - and cope with - our environment. The Ascendant also shows our first impressions of the world around us and our expectations of same –whether we are naturally hesitant or enthusiastic, for example. How we begin new projects and our attitude towards new experiences come under the rule of the Ascendant.

Slow, steady, and capable are adjectives that we can safely attach to individuals born with a Taurus Ascendant. You are likely to possess tremendous stamina and staying power, or, at the very least, you come across as very stable and comfortable. You are often quite loyal to the people you care about, and even to places, objects, and situations. Although you typically don't come on strong, you have a strong personal presence, and you fairly radiate stability. There is also a wonderfully healing and sensual aura surrounding you.

The sign on the Ascendant reveals how individuals start or approach new things and situations. Taurus, by nature, is resistant to change as a Fixed Earth sign. It can be difficult to sway Taurus rising natives –they're often rather stubborn and fixed in their ways. Your first instincts are to feel things out in the realm of the five senses. You have a well-developed sense of smell and touch, and you respond powerfully to the material world. You adopt a practical approach to life, and you are often very methodical. Security is one of your first considerations before undertaking anything new.

You may be very cautious and careful, at least at first or in appearance. With a Fixed sign on your Ascendant, you are definitely NOT known for your flexibility. Rather, you possess determined single-mindedness. You may have been labeled the slow and cautious child in your early years. Sometimes, this placement indicates a childhood in which there was a little too much emphasis on the material world. However, you are likely to have fond memories of your early years unless Venus is very challenged in your chart.

In fact, Venus is your first house ruler, and its position and condition by sign, house, and aspect have a particularly profound impact on your life. The placement of Venus can also influence and color your appearance, mannerisms, and approach to the world around you or new situations. For example, if you have Venus in a Fire sign, you may come across as more assertive or impatient than other people with Taurus rising.

You may very well be a creature of habit. While you are a tolerant person, changes to your routine can be difficult for you to accept. In fact, one of your pet peeves is to be pushed into new situations. People have a hard time getting you to change your mind once it's made up.

More than most, Taurus rising prefers the "good things" in life. Self-indulgence can be a weakness for many with this Ascendant. You may very well be a collector in a significant way -- you place a lot of value on your possessions. More than most, you may want to own your own home or a piece of land, for example. You also thrive on physical touch.

You often avoid atmospheres that are very noisy or chaotic. You come across as quite easygoing, and, for the most part, this is true. However, you do have a breaking point, and once beyond it, you are unlikely to come back.

Security and certainty are tremendously important to you. Perhaps you take your time on new beginnings because once you set out on a course, you rarely stray from it. Stubbornness and persistence can get you places. However, it can sometimes cause interpersonal problems, mainly because people close to you can be tempted to approach you in roundabout ways simply to get their way. If this persists, relationships can become toxic. Aim for more flexibility and place more value on others' honesty and directness than peace and harmony in the moment.

You often prefer to dress in quality clothes with a comfortable feel to them. You are rarely ostentatious in your presentation. Many people with this rising sign have strong and sturdy physiques or the appearance of robustness. You tend to move in a graceful or sensual manner. Many people with your rising sign have beautiful, soothing voices. You radiate contentment and peace. While this endears you to others, at times this can lead you to feel misunderstood. There can be times when you're feeling anxious and off-center, but you rarely appear this way.

Often rather possessive in partnership, those with Taurus rising don't easily break up their relationships, or their routines and habits! Although you are not particularly jealous, you have some tendency to view your partners or friends as your personal property. Intensity and loyalty are especially important to you. You are a highly sensual person, often preferring the comforts that a one-to-one, stable partnership offers. Although you value harmony and calm, your partnerships may be on the passionate side.

You are often very comforting to be around. You radiate a certain stability that is soothing to others, as well as an inner harmony that is attractive. More on Taurus Rising.

Moon in Leo 16°  02' 25"

The Moon in the signs reveals much about our habits, reactions, and instincts. It shows how we express and deal with our emotions. Most obvious in our homes or in private, our Moon sign reveals our innermost needs. The Moon can represent our experience of nurturing; it also shows how we nurture ourselves! It's important to note that Moon signs change every 2 or 2-1/2 days, and on some days, can be one of two signs, in which case an accurate birth time is necessary.

With your Moon in Leo, you are proud, noble, and loving. Your heart is enormous! Depending on other positions in the chart, you may or may not be outgoing, in general, but with this position of the Moon, when you feel comfortable, you do like being the center of attention. That is, you love being in the "spotlight" in the comfort of your own home and with family and friends. You thoroughly enjoy entertaining others, and you often take on the role of comic or leader.

Lunar Leos often feel a need to organize, and even control, their families and friends. They have a secret mission to set things right, and generally like to oversee the goings-on in their little circle. This, or family and friends tend to assign Leo Moon people their unofficial leader or organizer.

This is a very creative position of the Moon. At the very least, you seek or want to create and entertain. You can be lazy at times, and a little bossy, too. You're flexible only up to a point, after which you draw the line. Generally, though, you have a deep need to treat others fairly and justly.

You require lots and lots of love and care to function well in the world. When you feel slighted, you can be dramatic in your emotional displays, whether you choose to brood or hold your head high. When your pride has been hurt, you can be given to big scenes and sulking. This rarely happens in public, however. Lunar Leos are far too concerned about their image to make splashy scenes outside the comfort of their own homes. In public, they prefer to take things in dignified ways. At home, however, they're less inhibited. These scenes generally don't last too long, however.

Lunar Leos are often personally popular folk who are valued for their integrity and strong sense of justice.

You can be very proud, and you're rarely happy to follow orders. Leo is a Fixed sign, and it can be difficult to change your mind or to change up plans on you at the last moment. You need time to adjust to schedule changes! You will go to bat for anyone you love, and you can be fiercely protective of your loved ones.

Generally, it is easy to reason with you, though. Appealing to your well-developed sense of fairness usually works well. You are strongly self-aware and always strive towards self-improvement. You are extraordinarily loyal to people who have proved themselves to you, or perhaps more accurately, who haven't disproved themselves to you! In truth, you expect the best from others and give them the benefit of the doubt until they prove you wrong. The same can be said of life, in general -- first and foremost, you expect the best. You're not blind to adverse situations, but you focus on the positive and strive to remain positive in your expectations and attitude. This is one of the many reasons others love to be around you.

Mercury in Pisces 20°  55' 36"  Rx

What's your style of communication? How do you make decisions? How do you pick up, process, absorb, and exchange information? These questions are answered, in part, by Mercury's placement by sign in your natal chart. Someone may be an assertive Aries, but they could also have Mercury in Taurus, with a style of communication that's slower, patient, and not quite as spirited as one would expect from an Aries, as an example. Mercury refines the Sun sign, and it helps to define how we take in--and give out--information.

With Mercury in Pisces, you're a gentle communicator with a soft touch that is pleasing and warm. You may even come across in an almost poetic way. Not given to bother too much with details, you tend to sponge up the feelings and moods of your environment. The information you extract from your surroundings can be unusual and undoubtedly unique. More often than not, it's heavily skewed in the direction of emotion and feeling.

You're usually a lovely listener and, when you get talking, a warm conversationalist. When it comes to communicating, you're moody, and this extends to your texts and emails, too. It's a kind of odd thing -- people never know when you'll be in a quiet mood or a yakking state. You don't compete for airtime, but you can talk up a storm when you're in the right frame of mind. Predicting when that will be can be difficult, though!

With your Mercury in Pisces, you're tactful because you don't want to offend others in any way. You feel out your audience and sometimes search for what you think others want to hear. Yes, Mercury in Pisces can fib. It's not because you're malicious--you just want others to be comfortable.

You may come across as dreamy and indirect. It can be hard to pin you down to any one belief or decision. It's not that you want to drive people crazy or anything--it's just that you take in so much information from the world. As well, your open-mindedness prevents you from taking a stance for too long. You have an unusual aversion to cold facts and hard decisions. Driven more by intuition than facts, you avoid list-making and the like. Others might think you disorganized, but you have an uncanny knack of finding things nonetheless. You tend to skirt detail work or avoid tying up loose ends, not to mention your mind often drifts off to Never-Never Land. Pisces is the escape artist, and since Mercury rules studying and concentration, you are not always living in the moment!

You tune in to all the nuances of subjects and environments. You pick up on subtleties of all kinds, so what you lack in organization you make up for with insight. If your Sun Sign happens to be Aries, much of the brashness and directness of Aries is considerably toned down with Mercury in Pisces. If your Sun sign is Aquarius, you're especially artistic, humane, and whimsical. If your Sun sign is Pisces, well, you're doubling up on the sign, and your creativity and imagination are boundless.

You're often vague and indirect in your communications. If you learn to express yourself with more clarity, you'll find that a lot of the problems you encounter with misunderstandings will lessen. Your sensitive nature can make you an easy target at times. Your plans may seem too dreamy and unrealistic to more practical sorts, lacking the details that make them seem viable or attainable. But your vision is extraordinary, your unusual point of view delightful, and your leaps of faith are admirable.

Favorite expression: "I believe..."

Venus in Aries 21°  58' 46"

How do you attract things, situations, and people into your life? Venus rules our sentiments, what we value, and the pleasure we take in life. Grace, charm, and beauty are all ruled by Venus. Through Venus, we learn about our tastes, preferences, artistic inclinations, and what makes us happy. We look to Venus in the natal chart to see how we approach relationships of the heart, as well as what gives us pleasure. We also turn to Venus to show how we spend our money, the types of gifts we buy, and how much we spend on leisure activities (not to mention the kinds of leisure activities we seek). Venus rules attractiveness--both the ability to attract and attraction to others (and things). Venus rules, amongst other things, the arts, love and romance, beauty and the beautifying process, money, entertainment, leisure, sensuality, and comfort.

With Venus in Aries, you're straightforward in your romantic or social life. You flirt by being up-front, direct, and even daring. You try to win others over by expressing how enterprising and independent you are. Your style of expressing love can be maddeningly "me"-centered, but the right person for you will find this approach charming. People often enjoy your aura of innocent charm, even when you are acting a little childish or impatient.

You're likely to have a fun-loving manner in love. You're turned on by energy and activity. Turn-offs include a relationship that is considered stuffy or too "mature," vagueness, and beating around the bush. In love, you can be hopelessly addicted to the conquest. For a relationship to remain fresh and new, you require plenty of stimulation. You need to see some sparks flying! You're attracted to independent, dynamic people, or that's your own style when in pursuit of something (or someone) you want.

Pleasing you in love involves fueling your need for action. Others should be direct, open, and honest with you since you don't much like game-playing or evasiveness unless it is in the full spirit of fun. They'd do well to feed your need for spontaneity, appreciate your playfulness, and understand your desire for the relationship to remain young and fresh. Venus in Aries likes to take the lead in love (even if your Sun Sign is gentle Pisces). You have many whims, and you thrive on competition.

You don't necessarily take control, but you do instinctively take the lead in matters of the heart. You don't quickly adapt to others' feelings, however. You can be demanding in love, addicted to the chase or the intense passions of the moment. You love spontaneous expressions of affection and sexuality. You're enthusiastic and attractive and possess innocent or straightforward charm. You attract by being direct and not beating around the bush, preferring to get right to the point! Your attractions are quick and sometimes short-lived. You're ardent and often hard to resist! However, you can be a little blunt and abrupt at times.

Venus in Aries Personal Ad Bio: "I have a strong sense of adventure. I will win you over. I'm self-taught and self-sufficient."

With money, you can be an impulse buyer. You're attracted to new and innovative products but would do well to wait a few days before buying because the desire can pass quite quickly. Art that appeals to you is bold and active in tone.

Mars in Virgo  4°  23' 21"  Rx

As a productive and busy person, you are goal-oriented and practical. Although you can be a little scattered at times, only because you are doing so many things at any give time, you get things done—quite well! You may have a knack for handling a wide variety of tasks at once, and a tendency to take on perhaps too much at the same time.

Mars in Virgo natives like yourself are usually not particularly aggressive by nature. Although you can be a little hard-nosed and critical at times, you rarely resort to pushing others around. Still, you might be difficult to be around if you are annoyed! Should anyone arouse your anger, you might turn into a bit of a nag. Generally, you don't make yourself a nuisance, however, so this stage is unlikely to last for very long. It is a sensitive position of Mars, however. It doesn't take much to make you nervous.

You are quite protective about your "system" for getting things done. Although rather humble in a general life sense, you can be quite particular about your methods--how you organize your things and accomplish your goals, mostly with work. Yours is nervous energy. Although you have some staying power, you can be restless and are not given to sticking with the same projects for too long.

You may derive plenty of energy and life force from the things you do--your work, hobbies, and any projects you take on. It is a sorry sight, indeed, when you are stuck being idle. Fidgety, nervous, worried...all of these things are a sure sign that you have either too little to do, or far too much on your plate. You are a perfectionist at heart. You'll be the first to deny this, but it's there! You may worry when you are not producing anything, and you worry about whether what you've produced will measure up.

There's often a shy and humble side to you in any area that involves putting yourself out there and letting go (areas ruled by Mars). But experience and knowledge are important to you, and this drive generally wins over your natural reticence. You can be wonderfully organized and ready for most anything that comes your way. People can count on you, and you're often particularly willing to help others out.

Jupiter in Virgo  4°  45' 53"  Rx

With Jupiter in Virgo, you attract the most fortune when you are helpful, honest, practical, orderly, and when you pay attention to details. The service industries, nutrition, and health are prosperous avenues for you.

You most value practical and technical knowledge and skills. You are a real problem solver and others appreciate your help. You don't always feel lucky or especially ambitious. Instead, you value hard work.

As an Earth sign Jupiter, you are a practical realist who needs to visualize results to feel motivated to achieve them. You are a “doer” who is not easily lured by get-rich-quick schemes! You are not very much of a risk taker. You need direction, clear goals, and definite plans, and you value tangible results.

Saturn in Virgo 24°  45' 46"  Rx

Saturn in our charts shows us where we limit ourselves due to fear or insecurity. With your Saturn in Virgo, you may feel limited or weighed down by work, routine, service, and attention to detail. You may feel overburdened or often left to your own resources, taking on more work than is fair. Finding the meaning or joy in your work, routines, and service is something to strive toward.

You have an excellent eye for details, but you sometimes get lost in them, unsure of your ability to piece everything together. Or, you might leave things unfinished because of a very strong perfectionist streak. If you don't finish it, there is no risk of it being less than perfect! Fear of criticism or of making mistakes can severely limit your opportunities, whether to take on new endeavors or to finish the ones you started. Chances run high that the standards you've set for yourself are too strict. Watch, too, for a tendency to convince yourself that you just don't care to get things right, precise, or accurate since this means avoiding the problem. In all likelihood, deep down, you care too much. Tackling the root of the problem with self-honesty can help you to do less fretting and more living. Digestive problems are often associated with this placement.

Uranus in Scorpio 25°  34' 11"

You're most interested in making changes, innovating, and updating traditions related to intimacy, healing, metaphysics, psychology, transformation, investigation, privacy, dependence, support, the management of resources, and debts. You seek more freedom in or through these areas, and you don't feel much need to conform! You may believe in breaking through some of the inhibitions or taboos related to sexuality, power dynamics, mortality, and self-knowledge. Despite the need for progress, you can be very stubborn and set in your ways in these areas. You may challenge authority or rules and laws in place only if you feel they are limiting our progress, seeking to revolutionize the ways we view our intimate relationships with others and ourselves, or to awaken others to new thinking in these areas. Your intuition is powerful and hunches uncannily on point. You're excited to break new ground when attempting to understand the layers of yourself, a person in your life, or a situation. Research is a talent.

Neptune in Sagittarius 22°  30' 06"

Your vision of an ideal world may center around the truth, tolerance, freedom, liberty, generosity, and intellectual understanding. You may idealize truth, justice, and the power of positive thinking. Your optimism is a breath of fresh air, but may at times be taken so far that you are somewhat blind to the practical side of an endeavor. Or, your goals and ideals are set so high that it can be challenging to reach them. Fantasizing about something better is your escape. Your openness to mystical or alternative interpretations of life is refreshing.

Pluto in Libra 21°  25' 49"  Rx

The quest to bring reform or to distinguish yourself through your relationships and connections with others can be so fraught with pressure at times that you have a hard time letting go or feeling content and satisfied with your accomplishments in these areas. The goal should be to feel more personally powerful through your ability to compromise and treat others fairly, not to seek your power from your relationships. You have brilliant insights into people and relationships. You know that improving the world starts with reforming the ways we interact with one another.

Chiron in Taurus  9°  55' 57"

You may very well hold onto guilt for enjoying material things, comfort, luxury, and so forth. In your head, you know you're entitled to spoil yourself from time to time, but it's hard to truly convince yourself of this deep down. You're wonderful at helping others understand that they're worth it, however! Whether you compensate by over- or under-indulging, you're likely holding onto too much guilt. Your needs for security and safety run very deep, and sometimes they work against you if you're not careful.

Black Moon Lilith in Virgo 25°  56' 34"

You may have felt ashamed, off, or wrong about paying special attention to the practical side of life, attention to details, organization, and routines. As a result, you may go to pains to prove you’re not ordinary, worried, eager to please, or concerned about details enough to perfect a craft or project. Leaving many projects unfinished can be a sign of perfectionist expectations – this way, you don’t have to deal with the prospect of not producing something perfect.

North Node in Leo 29°  19' 51"

One theory behind the Nodes of the Moon (the North Node and South Node) suggests that we all come into this world with some underdeveloped and overdeveloped aspects of our character. The Nodes of the Moon point us to these specific qualities: the South Node represents our overdeveloped character traits that we automatically fall back upon. We're talented here, but if we overdo this area of life or hold onto these traits to feel secure, we may undermine our lives or prevent growth. On the other hand, the North Node suggests the qualities that we need to work on and develop to achieve inner balance.

With your True North Node of the Moon in Leo, your South Node is in Aquarius.

A tendency to rely too much on others who may let you down, to come across as impersonal or distant in your dealings with others, to be fearful of being the center of attention and standing out as an individual, to fear taking risks, and to fall back on peers and community at the expense of your own individuality are some of the issues this position suggests. With this influence, you should watch for falling into the easy trap of worrying too much about what others think about you. Instead, you need to strike out along your own individual and creative path. You'd be wise to make a conscious effort to deal with others in a more personal, involved, and loving manner, rather than falling back on reason and intellect which detaches you from your feelings. You might unintentionally alienate others when you over-emphasize equality to the point that we won't acknowledge individuals' uniqueness. You may too often be the audience and not the performer in your life! You may too easily lose touch with your own heart by rationalizing your feelings, and you might become overly involved with other people's problems at the expense of your inner needs for attention. Learning to take personal risks, which requires a certain amount of self-confidence, will help you to achieve inner balance and happiness.

Part of Fortune in Scorpio  5°  21' 23"

You could find that success comes more readily for you when you are using your powers to investigate, dig deep, read between the lines, research, and intuit. In fact, you find joy through these things. You are very perceptive and resourceful. You can be a particularly successful healer, investigator, accountant, psychologist, or agent, among other things. You enjoy inspiring others to understand themselves, to find their courage, to accept their deeper desires, and to embrace their personal truth. You also find joy through transformation and regeneration. Look to the condition of Mars and Pluto for more clues to where and how you might improve your lot in life.

Vertex in Libra 28°  00' 09"

Midheaven in Aquarius  8°  39' 15"

Planets and Points in The Houses

Sun in Eleventh House

The Sun's house position modifies and refines its position by zodiac sign. With the Sun in your eleventh house, you are a humanitarian who aims to treat everyone as equals. You are unique and original, and you do your best to avoid bias and prejudice. Social status is less important to you than belonging to a group of diverse personalities. Your identity, in fact, is somehow linked to a larger unit than yourself. You have high hopes and goals and tend to look at life in terms of opportunities. You have magnetic appeal, as people sense your broad tolerance and openness. The friendships you establish are crucial to your development. If you identify too much with your associations and your friendliness or ability to build bridges, you may become too impersonal and alienate those who would like to get close to you. You are a team player and can have a significant impact on groups and among friends and networks.

Moon in Fourth House

The Moon in the houses can reveal where and how we go about seeking emotional satisfaction. If it's an issue, we can discover vital clues to the reason for perpetual emotional unrest through the study of the house position of the Moon, and these can manifest as constant changes or ups and downs in the areas of life ruled by the house. It is in these areas that we should aim to make deep attachments rather than chase superficial and temporary emotional thrills if we are seeking out a genuine feeling of belonging and emotional fulfillment. It's important to note that house positions are quite sensitive to birth times.

With the Moon in your fourth house, you long for a sense of true belonging, but you may be quite restless in your search. You might change residence frequently or simply feel the need to make many changes in your home. Moving often may be a healthy thing if it keeps you emotionally stimulated. However, if you find that you do so on whims and later regret the changes, you might want to treat it as a symptom of emotional unrest. This is because, with this house position, you could be in an endless search for the perfect mood and setting, when in fact a feeling of belonging should be worked on from the inside out, not the outside in!

While some with this position remain somewhat immature on an emotional level, never wanting to truly grow up and take care of yourself, for most, this is about taking attachments to the past, traditions, or family/home strongly to heart.

With the Moon in the fourth house, you very often feel the need to anchor, ground, or center yourself before feeling fit in other areas of life. You have a powerful sense of home or family, and the drive for security and safety can be behind much of what you do.

This is an excellent position for home business. You can have a strong interest in lineage, history, or collecting. You are likely quite creative and warm. You have strong emotional "feelers," and you need to feel out a situation before trusting it.

Mercury in Eleventh House

You are endlessly curious about people, group interactions, community affairs, trends, and teams, as well as wonderfully open-minded. You are attracted to people who bring new ideas into your experience, and who have something novel to contribute on an intellectual level. You are very forward-looking and fair-minded. Fair play, impartiality, and unselfishness are essential ideals for you. There can be many changes or fluctuations in your personal wishes, dreams, plans, and ideals. You might attract friends who come and go, or who are dishonest or duplicitous if Mercury is challenged here.

You are friendly and an engaging conversationalist, although you tend to go off on many different tangents, rarely following a neat, logical line or train of thought. Sharing ideas with others is vitally important to you. While your ideas can be unconventional, you work well with others or in a team.

These traits are Mercury in the eleventh house in pure form and are modified by Mercury's sign and aspects. [Note that house positions are highly dependent on birth time.]

Venus in Twelfth House

With Venus in the twelfth house, you may enjoy a strong level of privacy or emotional space for you to decompress and get in touch with your feelings. You have a huge imagination and enjoy a rich dreaming and daydreaming inner world. You are quick to help others, but sometimes at your own expense. You can be big on romance, and you tend to live and breathe your partner once you're hooked. Not the best at defining your boundaries — where your needs and a partner's needs separate — you can get hurt in love rather easily.

You are attracted to people from all walks of life, finding a partner who has an unusual background or quirky personality most attractive. Partners who mistake your compassion for weakness can take advantage of you. Being openly affectionate and trusting doesn't always feel comfortable for you. Love and sacrifice often seem to go hand in hand for you.

Mars in Fourth House

You can be fiercely protective of your close friends and family with Mars in your solar fourth house. Anger may be deeply felt and possibly deeply buried, too! As a result, it can be difficult for others to pinpoint your true motives, and you can be considered a real enigma. You can be passive-aggressive in your approach to the outside world when younger, which could lead to resentments if you are not careful--or confident--enough to take a more direct approach to pursuing your desires and expressing your anger. With time and experience, as well as substantial work towards achieving a healthy balance between emotional self-control and expression, you're likely to deal with frustrations in a more empowering way.

Family dynamics are lively and often intense with Mars in the fourth house. You may frequently have arguments with family, about them, or on their behalf! You might attempt to rule the roost on the home front, or you often take on a leadership role at home and with family. In fact, you may be the unofficial leader on the domestic front. Your actions are more often than not governed by your instincts, and you don't appreciate being manipulated or forced into doing something that doesn't come from your gut. You also possess tremendous energy for domestic projects or activities. This is a powerful astrological influence for working from (or on) the home.

Jupiter in Fourth House

With Jupiter in your fourth house, you have strong instincts that guide you, particularly on a professional level. You readily make warm connections with others, particularly valuing your family and close loved ones. Old age is expected to be pleasant and rewarding. Strong morals were reinforced in your childhood. You dream of--and have a good chance of attaining-- a large or spacious home. You likely feel that "happiness is home." You can be a collector of objects of sentimental value, or you take a great interest in history.

Saturn in Fifth House

Uranus in Sixth House

Neptune in Seventh House

You are inclined to give more to a partnership (including marriage) than you take. There may be a tendency to wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to the selection of a partner, in an attempt to find a soulmate. The need for a strong psychic or intuitive link with a partner is so high that your perceptions in partnership are not always accurate. You need to take a step back, consciously attempting to see your partners and relationships for who/what they are, rather than what you wish them to be. You might be attracted to relationships in which you feel a partner needs to be saved somehow, or in which a partner saves you. However, you might end up with people who only serve to confuse you, who are noncommittal or unavailable, or who are overly dependent. You tend to idealize a partner, assigning them traits that you want them to have, or even seeing them as worse than they are due to inflated and dramatic expectations. You need to develop discipline and discrimination when it comes to setting limits, selecting partners, and keeping communication clear in a relationship. In some cases, people with this position give up their power to partners and become dependent upon them. You are likely a creative negotiator, and you can be especially accommodating with others. Positively, you are very talented at bringing out the good in another person, particularly a partner, if that person is appreciative of your efforts and is willing to grow.

NOTE: Since Neptune is very close to the next house cusp, the next item is also relevant.

Neptune in Eighth House

There is a spiritual longing with this position. You might often experience deja vu or other psychic phenomena. You pay attention to dreams, and you might enjoy analyzing them. Sexual fantasies or role-playing can be strong themes in your life. You might yearn for a spiritual form of ecstasy on an intimate level--a soul connection.

You could feel that your needs on this level are always just out of reach. You can be a giver in bed, and perhaps feel that you give more than you get. Alternatively, you could be in the opposite position in which you seek partners who are exceptionally giving on a sexual level. Either way, there is an imbalance, and you could be left wanting. With Neptune in the 8th, it can be especially important to be discriminating when it comes to selecting sexual partners if Neptune is challenged. You may not see your partner clearly because of a deep need for extraordinary or fantastical experiences. There may be times when you give more than you take with money. If a more aggressive personality seems to want something more, you will cut them a better deal. Your shared finances may be chaotic in some way. You may be taken advantage of on a monetary level in partnership, or you might keep poor financial records and end up paying or owing more as a result. There can be a blurring of boundaries when it comes to finances and partnership, whether that means you allow a partner to control your finances or you adopt a "what's mine is yours" philosophy without following up on or enforcing the "what's yours is mine" part. In this way, you may leave yourself open to deception or even fraud. You can be a bit sloppy with accounting. You may have problems collecting inheritance and could encounter difficulties on a financial level through the marital partner.

Over the years, you will likely learn to take more responsibility for your finances and learn to be less timid about taking ownership of what is rightfully yours. You are very creative and imaginative sexually, and you understand and accept a broad range of styles and preferences on a sexual level.

Pluto in Sixth House

You are a hard worker and can be quite protective or private when it comes to your work output. You are excellent at analysis, but you can also easily become obsessed with finding an answer to problems, perhaps even finding problems that others overlook. You "come alive" when presented with a problem that requires research and analysis. Work can become an obsession for you, and you are able to work almost tirelessly. You might be private or insular when it comes to your job, and you might also feel overly attached to what you do even to the point of paranoia. Fear of criticism might run high when it comes to your work output. Directing your own work or working for yourself may be the best route for you to take, as you can easily resent others controlling your schedule and the work that you do. You are likely very interested in areas of health and self-improvement, as well as explorations of the mind-body connection, and you instinctively seek alternative therapies for healing. Some of you are outstanding researchers in these areas.

Chiron in Twelfth House

Black Moon Lilith in Fifth House

North Node in Fourth House

The theory behind the Nodes of the Moon (the North Node and South Node) suggests that we all come into this world with some underdeveloped and overdeveloped aspects of our character. The Nodes of the Moon point us to these specific qualities: the South Node represents our overdeveloped character traits that we automatically fall back upon. We're talented here, but if we overdo this area of life or hold onto these traits to feel secure, we may undermine our lives or prevent growth. On the other hand, the North Node suggests the qualities that we need to work on and develop to achieve inner balance.

With your North Node in the fourth house, your South Node is naturally in the tenth house.

Your path is to, more often, allow yourself to be vulnerable, to open yourself to the possibility of receiving nurture, and to release the need to feel in control and on top of things. You fix problems and take on a management role expertly and quickly--it's second nature to you--but you need to be nurtured from time to time as well. Once you do let others in, your life will improve many times over. Fixing your home life can enhance your career tremendously.

Part of Fortune in Sixth House

Vertex in Sixth House

Aspects

Sun Opposition Mars (orb 4°55')

Sun Opposition Jupiter (orb 4°32')

Sun Sextile Chiron (orb 0°38')

Sun Trine Part of Fortune (orb 3°57')

Moon Trine Venus (orb 5°56')

Mercury Opposition Saturn (orb 3°50')

Mercury Trine Uranus (orb 4°39')

Mercury Square Neptune (orb 1°34')

Mercury Quincunx Pluto (orb 0°30')

Venus Quincunx Saturn (orb 2°47')

Venus Trine Neptune (orb 0°31')

Venus Opposition Pluto (orb 0°33')

Mars Conjunction Jupiter (orb 0°23')

Mars Trine Chiron (orb 5°33')

Mars Conjunction North Node (orb 5°4')

Mars Sextile Part of Fortune (orb 0°58')

Mars Square Ascendant (orb 5°46')

Jupiter Trine Chiron (orb 5°10')

Jupiter Conjunction North Node (orb 5°26')

Jupiter Sextile Part of Fortune (orb 0°36')

Jupiter Square Ascendant (orb 6°9')

Saturn Sextile Uranus (orb 0°48')

Saturn Square Neptune (orb 2°16')

Saturn Trine Ascendant (orb 3°51')

Uranus Square North Node (orb 3°46')

Uranus Opposition Ascendant (orb 3°3')

Neptune Sextile Pluto (orb 1°4')

Chiron Opposition Part of Fortune (orb 4°35')

Chiron Square Midheaven (orb 1°17')

North Node Sextile Vertex (orb 1°20')

North Node Square Ascendant (orb 0°43')

Part of Fortune Square Midheaven (orb 3°18')

Vertex Quincunx Ascendant (orb 0°37')

[roseate7]

There really are no “cinnamon rolls” in the NHL and I feel like the cult of a fandom around real people in a real league - as opposed to fictional characters in TV shows, books or movies - has started to fictionalize goodness and purity where there is none. And I know that some people are fully aware that they are fictionalizing and admit it. But from my perspective of long time hockey fan and very new hockey tumblr fan, I gotta say the following:

The Leafs being progressive as an organization has nothing at all to do with the players, especially not any of the current players. At best they’re going along. (especially when an article is written specifically about troublesome things coming out of Leafs’ players mouths and fan/media response.)

The Penguins as an organization planning extraordinarily tone deaf elements into a ceremony - or just generally being tone deaf in general - has nothing to do with the current players. At worst they’re going along.

There should be no blurred lines here when it comes to the roles.

An NHL franchise isn’t changed by its players, for better or worse, unless they become a part of its management on their retirement. (if you think the NHLPA has great sway over the league then lol) 

Players show up and do their job. So a player wears rainbow branded stuff? Nice to see but sorry folks, not a reason to elevate him or his team to unproblematic status. So they don’t express much of an opinion? Not a reason to assume they’re unproblematic, but also not a reason to assume they are. Neither player is a cinnamon roll and they never were.

Players can somewhat speak for themselves, though not always and rarely directly against their club’s official stance, and that is all. They’re also not a party to their team mates’ opinions and actions unless they say that they are, or have such a particularly close relationship as makes them undeniably associated. 

As a fan, you do not want to start conflating any of this because your own favorites will inevitably come off terribly. Men’s Hockey remains a toxic and patriarchal culture with extraordinarily minor efforts toward diversity and inclusiveness, none of which are worth more than positive acknowledgment. Seriously, this is all only considered “progress” in the strictest definition of the term and only because of how terrible things were for so long. 

None of these white men in particular deserve praise for labour done by people of color, queer individuals and women. Supporting or going along with the hard work and sacrifice of others is not something straight white men should be exalted for or given equal association with. There are no bigger or smaller gold stars for allies. And no amount of stars on the chart assures an ally cinnamon roll status. Sorry!

Male hockey players - especially white players - are not deep. Hockey is 95% of their lives when they’re playing. The teams they are on and the friendships they make align them with problematic shit ALL the time. Even the nicest guys excuse and go along with more than you’ll ever want to know, all in the name of playing this sport. No nice guy points should sway you on that fact.  

I include every single favorite of my own in that. This is a Sidney Crosby blog. The people who came down hardest on him and his team for the WH visit were his/their supporters. I know what I’m talking about.

It is fortunately very easy to both call out and blacklist publicly known and exposed abusers, racists and bigots. We should and we do. But they crawl throughout every team on the league. They hold positions of power in every franchise. They still have a safe home in the NHL. Their court cases and accusations may simply not have happened yet.

Your favorite guy, even if he is a pretty good person and even if he would never actively individually choose to do terrible things, will have known these men. He’ll have played with them and worked with them and gone for drinks with them. Because they’re everywhere in the league, of varying degrees of awfulness. You can’t play in it without them.

If you accuse one go-alonger on one team of guilt by association then your cinnamon roll is automatically tainted. 

Because becoming a player in the NHL means he got there scraping against and supported by filth. He saw it and either took part or excused much. 

There are no cinnamon rolls. Your protests against the league’s culture that harbors known abusers, racists and bigots mean nothing if you yourself turn a blind eye to part of it in the name of uplifting your favorite guy. 

I’m not saying hate everything, I sure don’t. Just to be firmly aware of how you enjoy a player who you believe to be good, and the harsh all-pervasive reality of the culture they grew up and live in. And to know you’re already falling off that high horse if you try to pretend otherwise.

[keithberns-blog]

Keith Berns Multiple Companion Cover Crops Enhance Soil

Stabilised Soils on Construction Sites

Try to study and respect our Mother Nature. We could save our precious soil by simply being cautious of how we treat our earth with respect. Campers may take extra care when placing out campfires. And folks in fact should be extra careful about how they're disposing of their trash, particularly polythene shopping bags, and polythene wrappers. This trash can not be put away or thrown away; it remains there in the soil or water for a protracted very long time. If it is burned a foul smell is emitted, polluting the air. It is poisonous fuel, causing damage to us, animals and vegetation.

Our land is being depleted of fine soil resulting from pollution. Forest fires have devastated our land. The factory manufactured chemical substances and fertilizers we use for agriculture destroy the pure properties of the soil. The earth worms cannot survive in the soil. Below regular circumstances the earth worms eat all the pure issues resembling fallen leaves and the whole lot of wastages, and produce glorious eco friendly manure. This helps the plants and bushes grow and produce wholesome fruit and veggies protecting us from well being hazards.

Once we keep earth worms in a waste-bin away however not very removed from the kitchen and throw our kitchen waste to the waste bin, the earth worms eat the waste and produce wealthy pure fertilizers. It is an excellent fertilizer for our kitchen garden. But of course cow-dung is required for this means of disposing of kitchen waste and maintaining the inhabitants of earth worms.

It's not healthy to eat fruit and veggies produced by utilizing synthetic fertilizers and insecticides. Refuse to buy such agricultural-produce. Discourage such observe. Encourage eco-friendly methods of farming. Try to be a buddy to our mother nature!

Air pollution is the result of progression and development that's occurring on a regular basis. With the expansion of know-how increasingly more development is taking place so as to enhance the standard of human life. This series is definitely giving high stage of comfort and a wealthy way of life to all humans however is sadly diminishing the price of human health; the necessity to have a very good and healthy setting is ignored.

Many new inventions and introductions are causing a danger to human life as they're accomplished artificially. This synthetic and unsystematic approach of generating high level of comforts is producing elements which might be inevitable to human life. Be it any thing including the fundamental wants of life like clothing and even meals is now being produced synthetically. Just one perception into the depth of ecology will make us realize that the increasing want of the current day way of life is ultimately creating an imbalance within the ecology.

Any type of noise that is disagreeable to human ears is considered as noise pollution. Loud and exhausting sounds coming from factories, equipment, automobiles, trains, fire crackers, and explosives are additionally contributing to noise air pollution. It is usually caused by some pure calamities like harsh winds and volcanic eruptions. Both natural and synthetic elements contributing to noise or sound pollution have their impact on human well being. This type causes irritation, hearing points, and headache. Nevertheless these usually are not main points however extraordinarily unpleasant sounds can be very harmful as they can cause a rise in the ldl cholesterol, constrict arteries, a rise in the circulation of adrenaline, and also forces the center to operate at a sooner tempo. All these can be life threatening as these elements can result in coronary heart assaults and strokes.

Any kind of dangerous parts or contaminants coming into the water bodies like river, oceans, lakes, ponds, and streams trigger water pollution. Many human activities like washing cleansing, and dumping waste significantly contribute to water air pollution. The soaps and detergents used as of late are additionally made of harmful chemical Click here for Wikipedia compounds and synthetic supplies that produce extra contaminants in water. Moreover, dumping waste like cans, bottles, and plastic supplies additionally pose danger. It not solely destroys marine life however is also hazardous to human life. This type of polluted water isn't protected for drinking, agriculture or even industrial use.

Air pollution is brought on by discharge of dangerous substances within the air. One of many key contributing elements is automotive air pollution. With the rising expertise, the variety of automobiles on street is dramatically rising which is finally giving a pushing up the extent of air air pollution. Apart from this, industries indulged into thermal energy plant, https://youtube.com/watch?v=Iy0Yk2QJGoY cement, steel, mines, petro-chemicals, and metal also generate harmful substances that are launched into the atmosphere. This kind of pollution has precipitated harm to the protecting ozone layer within the ambiance. This layer protects the earth from the harmful effects of ultra-violet rays but thinning of this layer is causing a danger to human life.

Radioactive pollution is a rare type but is detrimental. It's caused by accidents in the nuclear energy plant, improper disposal of nuclear waste, and operations of uranium mining. Radioactive air pollution causes cancer, numerous sorts of birth defects, and lots of different critical well being points.

Soil air pollution, also called land air pollution, is defined because the contamination of soil. As of late many artificial substances and artificial pesticides are used for agriculture. Such substances release contaminants that create an imbalance within the soil and in addition stop Keith Berns: Multiple Companion Cover Crops Enhance Soil pure growth of the crops cultivated on polluted land. Key components contributing to soil pollution are sewage drugs, hazardous waste, non-sustainable agriculture practice, use of inorganic pesticides, deforestation, strip mining, and sure human activities like dumping and littering.

The surroundings is continually under assault. Water and soil remediation costs billions of dollars annually. Until the previous forty years, the exact causes of water air pollution went ignored. Ocean dumping was solely part of the issue. The main consider water pollution is literally much closer to dwelling than the big oceans that dwarf land lots. In many parts of the world, water is so severely polluted that the variety of deaths ensuing from polluted drinking water is a typical statistic. How did pure streams of water grow to be so massively polluted? Toxic chemical compounds spewed into the air that manifests into poisonous rainfall that results in waterways and soil is the reply.

The setting is self-recyclable and self-cleaning---except it's compromised by an imbalance of toxicity. Blaming cows for producing methane fuel is an absurdity when landfills that end result from home and business waste produces ten times the quantity of 1 small herd of cattle. Environment water soil take a critical causes of soil pollution hit even when remedial rules are complied with. In most governments, it isn't unusual to "allow" certain elements per billion of noxious contaminants. These which are carcinogens are listed in environmental companies's top ten hazardous materials. Asbestos, barium, cadmium, lead, zinc and others lead these lists.

Within the atmosphere, defending water and soil as well as air is a full-time battle waged with much less progress than surgical recuperation. Governmental businesses are programmed to position restraints on solely probably the most instantly hazardous substances to protect human life. However, with out direct intervention into the causes of Here is our Blog environment water soil pollution, well known to these companies, environmental laws are solely minimally enforced. The alternatives develop into well being and security for humans or protecting energy and large business, the culprits for the thousands and thousands of tons of toxic chemical compounds dumped into waterways and landfills.

Within the USA, for example, the Environmental Safety Agency, below the Bush Administration has passed laws not too long ago allowing the dumping of thousands and thousands of tons of coal wastes into rivers, lakes and different massive bodies of water. The results of this may not be rapid. The coal mining industries will in the end bear no responsibility for future poisonous waters that will endanger human life. And, these within the Bush Administration chargeable for such actions will not be in positions of accountability. This is an assault on atmosphere water soil and, not to mention your entire environment ecologically.

The fact of such irresponsible actions will only be addressed when severe sickness is proven to be a direct result of such air pollution. The environmental equation is fraught with complex rhetoric that insists upon remediation somewhat than prevention. Defending the income of massive firms is considered someway extra useful than protecting water and soil and insuring a safe, wholesome environment. To most anti-environmentalists their compelling argument is a signature paranoia of loss of profit reasonably than loss of human life or avoiding ecological and environmental disaster.

[ourepoxyfloor-blog]

Ten belongings you need to recognize about Epoxy floor Coatings

Epoxy formulations have been an vital a part of the building industry for 1/2 a century. Epoxy floor coatings, mainly, are extensively-utilized in floor applications. right here are some matters you can or won't but recognize about one of the most crucial coating substances in existence:

1. Epoxy resins are the name of the game at the back of excessive-appearing epoxy coatings. Epoxy resins are the center materials of high-quality formulations consisting of epoxy-based primers, top-coats, Epoxy floor  and sealants. these resins make it possible for epoxy ground coatings to perform nicely as floor finishes, protecting coats, fire retardants, waterproofing and harm-resistance paints.

2. Epoxy coatings are relevant in lots of floor types. unique flooring applications need particular coating systems dictated specifically via the kind of material used for the substrate. Epoxy ground coatings are one of the few systems that can paintings in concrete, steel and nearly all kinds of surfaces.

3. Epoxy resin molecules are cross-connected, hence they're almost impermeable. The specific chemistry among bisphenol A and epichlorohydrin organochlorine/epoxide compounds creates a response that produces move-related epoxies when uncovered to amines. The resulting epoxy floor coatings are extraordinarily-proof against water, chemical or air intrusion -- a important potential in corrosion-prone metallic or concrete surfaces.

four. Epoxies can integrate with other substances for improved overall performance. Epoxy-amine structures, epoxy-sulfide systems, aliphatic epoxy structures, and hybrid epoxy systems are some of the common coatings structures created in tandem with epoxy. With amine, smooth surface appearance, better adhesion and fast curing times are performed. Epoxy coatings systems additionally paintings nicely with alkyds and acrylics.

5. Epoxy floor coatings can shield heavy-responsibility floors. Epoxy coatings are resistant to many styles of damages. No marvel that they are often implemented in regions which might be continuously exposed to harm-inducing dealers, including in production flora, warehouse floors, heavy equipment garages and airplane hangars.

6. Epoxy coatings have remarkable adhesive properties. Epoxy-primarily based coatings have strong adhesive abilties -- 1.5 thousand kilos of adhesive power in step with inch rectangular of floors. This translates to flooring that may remain intact and in precise situation for longer durations of time and even underneath intense bodily loads

7. Epoxy coatings are correct hearth-retardants. some epoxy floor coatings incorporate pigments that make bigger quickly while exposed to excessive warmth. This growth bureaucracy a thick barrier protection that lasts lengthy sufficient for the fire to be positioned out certainly or by a responding fire-combating group.

8. Epoxy ground coatings are both water-borne, high-solids, or solvent-borne. Water-borne epoxies are effective in lots of surfaces, while high-solid formulations cover a wider utility area and contain lower VOC amounts. Solvent-borne epoxies are an older generation but are high in VOCs and emit a toxic scent. The latter also calls for greater treatment time and longer put up-cleanup sports.

9. Epoxy ground coatings may contain fitness and environment risks. The bisphenol A compound in epoxy resins is currently under scrutiny as a potential health hazard, and solvent-primarily based coats comprise high ranges of VOCs dangerous to the surroundings and to software workers.

10. Epoxy coatings have their share of vulnerabilities. Epoxy floor coatings are very dependent on a consistent blend ratio to keep away from problems all through curing time. Applicators ought to observe manufacturer's recommendations to maintain consistency in texture and viscosity. The coatings are also volatile when exposed to UV rays and to temperature modifications all through the combination, utility and curing levels.

[rapeculturerealities]

Last Thursday yet another angry white man went on a deadly shooting rampage. This time, the target was a newspaper, the Capital Gazette in Annapolis, and the shooting left five dead and several others wounded. And like the scores of mass shooters who came before him, Jarrod Ramos had a long and well-documented history of misogyny and violence against women both online and in person. In fact, his story helps to confirm the ways in which online harassment often serves as a precursor to offline violence, and should therefore be taken more seriously.

Ramos’s history of online harassment was at the crux of his motivation for the mass shooting. He developed a vitriolic hatred of Capital Gazette when the newspaper published a story in 2011 about how he had used Facebook to stalk and harass a woman he went to high school with. The Capital Gazette article revealed that he had called her vulgar names, told her to “go hang yourself,” and harassed her online for around a year until she pressed charges against him and he was put on probation for 18 months.

Most women who have spent any time at all on the Internet are familiar with a character like Jarrod Ramos. A study in 2016 found that 76% of women under the age of 30 have experienced some form of abuse or harassment online. Despite the prevalence of online harassment, it is rarely taken seriously by law enforcementand seldom flagged by major platforms like Facebook or Twitter. Most of the time, people are told to respond to online harassers by simply ignoring them.

The reason for this seems to be that few people believe that online harassers would actually do anything harmful in real life. The woman who was harassed by Ramos had tried to warn the police about him and his capacity to inflict violence. “He will be your next shooter,” she reportedly told law enforcement years ago. But it appears that her warnings fell on deaf ears.

This latest mass shooting has, yet again, made it extraordinarily clear that online harassers pose a real and serious threat to the safety of the people they abuse. In fact, Alice Marwick and Rebecca Lewis conducted a six-month-long study and found that far-right online communities on Reddit and 4chan often serve as breeding grounds for extremism and terrorism. Mass shooters Dylann Roof and Elliot Rodger, for example, were both radicalized in these online forums.

The study found that certain online communities target men and attempt to transform them into proponents of violent and misogynistic ideologies. Once men join these communities — or “take the red pill,”  — they start believing that they are the victims of a culture in which women have sexual power. They angrily discuss how beautiful women, “Stacys,” will only have sex with attractive men, “Chads,” and not with them. They call themselves “incels,” short for “involuntarily celibate.” They become Men’s Rights Activists. They try to become pick-up artists and brainstorm ways to manipulate women into sleeping with them.

In this way, misogynistic online harassers are not merely saying offensive things about women and harassing female users online for the sake of riling people up. They are often deeply angry and misogynistic men — and some of them don’t have any qualms about inflicting violence in real life.

Yet, despite the documented links between online abuse and real-life violence, most people underestimate the threat that online harassers pose. Up until recently, these online communities were not even discussed in the mainstream media simply because most people felt that their words were just that — words.

And for those who do not spend a lot of time on Reddit and 4chan, their idiosyncratic and almost laughably immature terminology — “incel,” “Chad,” “Stacy,” “red pill,” — can often obscure the seriousness and toxicity of the concepts they’re espousing. To many, it may seem unthinkable that the anonymous 4chan user with Pepe the Frog as their profile picture or the juvenile Reddit user who converses almost exclusively with “lmao’s” are actually capable of committing violence.

It has become increasingly obvious, however, that some online harassers are dangerous individuals who want to not only hurt people online, but also in real life. We cannot ignore the fact that nearly every single mass murderer in recent history either self-identified as an incel or had a documented history of misogyny. As a society, we need to commit to making both the virtual world and the offline world a safe place for women.

When Ramos’s victim initially reported him for online harassment, Facebook should have taken her report seriously, suspended his account, and prevented him from contacting her further. When the victim pressed charges against him for a year of harassment and abuse, he should have faced real consequences for his actions — not just 18 months of probation. And when she warned the police that he had the capacity to commit violence, they should have listened to her and kept a close watch on him.

We can no longer simply ignore or block sexist online harassers. It’s time to actively stand up against them and treat them as the serious threats to society that they are.