#they will come to ANOTHER country and tell the people of THAT country to go??? away????
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bonkwrites · 3 days ago
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OBSESSED with the whole american x 141 man combo. smut ahead!
Not necessarily giving up your identity when you move out of the US, just wanting to explore different cultures and see new things. Then you meet one of the boys, maybe it’s Kyle or Johnny, and they introduce you to your actual, literal husband within a week of knowing you. And Simon Riley isn’t a bad guy, they tell you, just a little rough around the edges. And you’re young, in a new country, you flew on a plane for the first time to get here and it didn’t go down so you feel invincible– and you fuck Simon Riley. 
The mask isn’t even in the equation, he won’t wear it when he’s not on a mission or on base, and he’s got a scar on his cheek that’s textured when you grab his face and kiss him. He tastes like bourbon. You taste like vodka and lime. He lays you down on your hotel mattress and spreads your legs and calls you love while he’s fucking you. 
“Fuck, lovie, like that. Take it like that.” you thought maybe the accent would make it too funny to be sexy but there might be something to be said about pavlov’s dog and the bell here…. 
He’s so big and so on top of you and he’s pushing your legs to your chest to pin you underneath him while he fucks you. You feel sorry for the other people on the floor the next morning but in moment all you can think is Simon, Simon, Simon and all you can do is beg him don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop– 
You’re so happy you got your IUD before you started traveling. 
Simon says sometimes he thinks he did it in the wrong order. You fucked and then he took you out to dinner. You tell him sometimes you wish he would have let you ride him that night. He remedies your wishes immediately, all the time. 
Did you know there’s only one Taco Bell in all of England? You crave chalupa’s so intensely that you once rode a train for an hour and a bus for three just to have the worst Taco Bell of your life. Did you know that almost 50% of Americans own a gun or are proficient with one? Color 141 the most surprised they’ve ever been when you go to a gun range while they’re stationed in Texas and Simon tries to teach you gun safety but you correct him the entire time. 
“I used to go hunting with my dad, Si, I know this.” and then you have decently good grouping that’s just a little to the left and Johnny tries to show you how it’s really done and– misses entirely. 
“Is that how it’s done, Johnny?” you taunt, smiling so cheekily that Simon can’t keep his own smile off his face. 
“Listen up, bonnie, I’ve done more training-” 
“Doesn’t seem like it to me.” you mumble. Simon swear he can see the steam coming out of Johnny’s ears. 
“Lass, so help me God, if you don’t-” 
“Poor baby, Johnny,” you frown, still taunting him, your hips sway as you walk up to him and take his face into your hands, “Did you get beat in a shooting contest by a civvie? Will you live to see another day?”  You shake his head in your hands and Johnny goes red for a completely different reason than his pride and anger. Johnny’s hands twitch, Simon can see him reaching for your sides as you release his face and step away from him. Soon, Simon wants to tell him, she’s going to tell you soon.
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poorrichardjr · 2 days ago
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Look, I want to believe the next four years, no matter how bad will just end in four years. As if the country will continue as it always has, no matter who is in control. I really want to believe that.
But, there is no way you elect an authoritarian fascist with as much backing as he has from the right-wing theocratic nutjobs and just see him walk away in four years. They are already telling people they are going to change the laws so they can elect Trump a third and fourth time, or just take the case to the solidly right-wing supreme court and argue that it is illegal to limit terms of presidents. You know what, as much as it takes to get an amendment through, why do you think the republicans in power won't decide they can do what they want despite the Constitution? They are already planning massive changes to how the government works including eliminating positions that are currently staffed by intelligent and seasoned individuals for political lapdogs.
That same mentality will trickle down to the way the House and Senate work. Once you start gutting one branch of government to work more like a tyranny, there is no reason to stop there, especially if the guy in charge is telling them they have to. The republicans are spineless little weasels, and if they believe they can get away with something so bold, they are absolutely going to do it.
We are not going to just have four bad years. Unless something drastic happens, we have just waved goodbye to the system we have lived under for nearly 250 years. I suggest people read project 2025, and then tell me how they plan to get away with it without breaking the government. They know it and wrote it down as to how they are going to break the government.
I don't say these things to be a downer or a doomsayer. I know what they are planning isn't going to be easy, but they are absolutely moving ahead with the foundations laid out in project 2025, which tells me, they never plan to have another consequential election. I hope and pray you are right and I am wrong. Until I see the system hold up against the coming assault, I will continue to believe we have willingly walked into the firing squad.
If it makes any of you feel better, Donald Trump will have an uphill battle to change the constitution. He will need:
-2/3 of Senators (67)
-2/3 of the House of Representatives (290)
-3/4 of the states (38)
In 2026, 33 senate seats will be up for grabs, and we’ll be able to vote for people who are against Trump and his ideals.
Breathe and remain hopeful because it’s not over. We can still fight and make Trump’s last four years hell.
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pedgito · 3 days ago
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𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 | Joel Miller x reader x Tommy Miller
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summary | a moment of desperation and a kind gesture leads you down an inescapable path alongside two brothers and a town with a nasty secret
author's note | so. its been three months and a much needed break from this place, but i started this back in august with a fully fleshed out idea and then my motivation fell flat. i had a good chunk of this done and i love it too much to not post, even if just for myself. this will be two parts, this one and one coming in the near future. its so self-indulgent and not everyone's cup of tea. but an extra special thank you to the special and lovely people i talked about this with and that took a look at for me, i love you endlessly.
content warning | 18+ smut, dubious consent (relating to cannibalism), cannibalism, gore, mentions of violence, blood, demeaning language, joel is a hardass, high tension and angst, joel has weird kink relating to...you guessed it, this story is heavily joel leaning but tommy is a decent part of it, smut (oral), night swims, food/feeding tw, joel is a bit of creep here. please heed the warnings and pass if it's not your thing.
word count —14k
Long, desolate roads led you here. No telling how long you had until you would find the city skyline again, car running on fumes for the last ten miles, the sign at the end of the road pulling your attention up, eyes peering through the windshield as your car veered to the right and to a full stop.
Miller’s Farm, next right
Helped wanted, no experience needed
Hourly pay and lodging included
You had fifty bucks left in cash and half of that would go toward gas if you could find a gas station, your arms crossed over the steering wheel and blocked the blow to your forehead as you rested it against your forearms in frustration.The car’s AC was shotty at best, requiring you to hit it every half hour to keep it alive and even then it was a weak sputtering and a barely there chill that did nothing to quell the layer of sweat on your skin.
It takes several long, frustrating minutes before you decide that you don’t have any other option.
You were stranded, this was it.
Maybe hospitality extended this far out into the country, that even this far from the city there were still a few good, decent people around. With a deep, heavy sigh you exit the car and shove your key into the door, locking it and pocketing the keys into the pack slung over your shoulder.
It’s been weeks on the road, leaving pieces and pieces of you behind as you traveled. The lesser the weight, the lesser the burden. Were you running? You weren’t sure. But, staying in one place for too long made you antsy. Town to town, taking odd jobs where they were offered, living off the kindness of others in hopes of making it somewhere seaside.
Start a new life, forget about your past.
Austin wasn’t supposed to be your final stop, or even a detour, but the steps you took down the side of the road and toward the farm in the distance would be another place of temporary sanctuary. Hopefully.
Eventually the asphalt turns to dirt, kicking up gravel under your feet as you walk and covering your skin in a thin layer of fresh grime and sweat under the high noon sun. The barn, once a far-off dot, was now large and vibrant, that distinct red popping out amongst the rest of the dilapidated property, void of most color outside of dull brown. There was a house to the left, cluttered with a melody of things. Tools, furniture, plants, and things you couldn’t even recognize. 
You squint, hand over your brow like a makeshift visor as you look around and hope to see someone, anyone—this couldn’t be the wrong place?
A truck under the hastily built carport and a trailer attached to the hitch—someone was home. You look around carefully, peering over your shoulder and finding nothing. There was no wind, no noise, and your breath caught in your throat. 
Maybe this was the time to turn back and attempt your chances elsewhere.
The front door opening with a creak has your head whipping back over your shoulder to set sights on the person in front of you—a man, tanned skin and tall. He was stocky but lean, black hair tucked behind his ears and trimmed just above his shoulders. He looked clean, which was more than you could say for yourself. All clean-cut man, jeans and a casual shirt, boots tucked under his jeans as his hand curled around the front door of the house and half of his figure leaned out.
“Can I help you, darlin’?” The twang flows out of his mouth naturally, taking a few steps out of the house before he’s closing the door behind him and following the small path of the front yard masked with clutter until he’s near you, a few feet away. “You lost?”
“I—I saw the sign?” You implore, jutting your thumb over your shoulder in the direction of the road, “My car ran out of gas, I’m out of money and it’s hot. I was just hoping for some work to help get me back on my feet and out of your hair as quickly as possible.”
The man nods, readying to open his mouth before you continue.
“I don’t mind the work, I’m not picky. I don’t have a resume or anything, but I promise—”
“Woah, slow down,” You can hear the amusement, a smirk pulling at his face and you chew at your bottom lip nervously, fingers twisting around the straps of your backpack, “We’re not lookin’ for some hoity toity types with degrees—you comfortable gettin’ dirty?”
You glance down at your clothes, a few days without a shower and driving down sideroads with your windows down has made you look worse for wear, “Absolutely. I just need the money and a bed, couch even—you won’t even know I’m here if that’s an issue for you. I can keep busy.”
You glazed over the we in his response, looking around curiously again.
He extends his hand unexpectedly, “I’m Tommy,” He introduces and you take his hand softly, feeling him squeeze firmly at your grip and the smirk in his face soften into a smile, “listen—we don’t do the whole hirin’ process. I gotta run it by my brother Joel and there’s a few cautionary steps we gotta take due to the work, but we can give it a test run? See how you feel?”
You felt inclined to ask what the work was, but you decided not to be picky.
And like a dinner bell had been rung, the other man appears out of the barn.
Joel, a stark difference to his brother in stature and cleanliness but the resemblance was uncanny in the way they carried themselves. A similar stride that felt intimidating, broad shoulders stretched out over taught muscle and a matching resting scowl on his face.
Something told you his expression was more permanent, though. His brow pulls together, eyes squinting as he looks you over. He was wiping at his dirtied hands with a rag, a sheen of maroon drying to brown that you could only assume was blood. 
It was a farm. Animals. That meant slaughter. 
The thought of it didn’t make you vomit initially, so you considered that a good thing.
It takes one look and he’s giving a disparaging shake of his head, turning his head toward his brother to offer his opinion, “Ain’t worth the trouble.”
You instantly grimace, offering a less than subtle look of distaste at that man.
Stubbornness is what he notices immediately, but then your eyes are flicking back toward his brother who looks more confused now than when you had first approached the farm.
“You said you were outta gas, right? Just needin’ some extra money?” He confirms and you answer with a simple nod of your head. He looks over at Joel, arms crossing over his chest, “Said she doesn’t mind gettin’ dirty—willing to help out wherever. I’m sure we can find her some work, right?”
Joel looks you over slowly, a predatory gaze that makes you feel infinitely smaller. He was staring through you, seeing the deepest and darkest parts of your soul. His eyes were darker, nearly black and ringed with deep set under eyes from an obvious lack of sleep—whereas Tommy, he was chipper and well-rested, eyes a warm amber and much more inviting.
“You slaughter cattle before?” Joel asks, “Cleaned up shit? Worked on a farm? Anything like that?”
You shake your head but quickly respond before he has a chance to speak, “I don’t care what the work is—I’ll do it. If I need to be taught, I’m willing to learn. I’m a quick learner too.”
Devotion is what he senses at a slower rate, the slow blink of your eyes as they flick between the two brothers—he could give Tommy an ultimatum and turn you away, but something in his gut twists. 
She’s useful, she’s good. Good supply if it came down to that. Given you passed the tests. 
But, there was something lingering in your gaze, yet to be discovered. Joel was curious.
“Send her to the doc, give her the guest room,” Joel tells Tommy after a moment of thought, sounding slightly irritated but it forces out the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, “You’ll start work when we know you’re cleared.”
You nod dutifully and Tommy returns a relaxed smile, “It’s a liability thing,” He promises, “and it’s heavy work, better to know if your body can handle it alright before we put you through the ringer.”
“Whatever I need to do,” You return the grin, tracking Joel’s departing figure as he re-entered the barn and disappears, “is he always that angry?”
“Usually,” Tommy replies, rusting around in his back pocket for a set of keys, “I’ll give you a ride to the clinic and we can tow your car here tonight—to keep away anyone tryin’ to scalp it for parts. Sounds good?”
“Sounds perfect,” You agree, wiping at the sweat on your brow with the back of your hand, “but—do you think I could take a quick shower first? It’s just walking in the heat and it’s been a few days...”
“Oh, yeah. Yeah,” Tommy stumbles over his words, but nods for you to follow him inside.
With trepidation, you take your first steps and follow. 
And what you’re expecting is not what is revealed to you. It made sense that the disorganization would spill into the house, but it was nearly spotless. Pristine countertops and polished wooden furniture, a wall of file cabinets and a tucked away nook with a computer set up. It was like entering another dimension, your eyes tracking along the full expanse of the house before they land on Tommy, who’s looking on with that same amusement as earlier.
“It’s a lot of work but I try to keep it clean here,” Tommy admits, “The outside is…all Joel, mostly.”
You shake your head with indifference, holding your hands up in defense.
You weren’t judging, it wasn’t your place.
“The shower is down that hall,” Tommy points toward the central hall, rooms lining each side, “first door on the right—did you—do you have clothes?”
“Only one clean pair left,” You confess, “but I’ll make do.”
“We’ve got clothes, if you need them. Don’t be afraid to ask.”
There’s a responsiveness to Tommy that intrigues you—approachable, kind, a hard disjunction from his counterpart that was like a breath of fresh air. You don’t allow yourself to linger either, making your way to the bathroom with quick footsteps and remaining blind to the rest of the house, hearing a sharp scuffle of a chair that you can only assume is Tommy as he sits and waits.
It was the easiest predicament you've dealt with in the last few months. But you weren’t, not even for a moment, going to question it.
-
It’s a small building near the edge of the town, only a half hour drive from the farm and sat in some silence, you find out a slow trickling of information that Tommy shares, his elbow propped against the open window and the other gripping tight around the steering wheel, his hair a wind-blown mess.
“It’s been in our family for years,” he tells you, traveling down the quiet road and the low hum of the radio mingling with his voice, “s’why it's a mess—can’t be bothered to part with some of that junk.”
“I’m not judging.”
Tommy offers a look of skepticism, laced with a smile.
“It is a lot of stuff,” you grin in response, a subtle quirk at the corner of your mouth.
“Joel is a little sentimental,” Tommy adds, “he’s always been like that—harder for him to let shit go.”
You respond with a gentle nod as Tommy pulls into the parking lot of the clinic, exiting the truck with a swiftness before he’s at the passenger side and opening your own door, “Oh—that is really not necessary—”
“My momma would be rollin’ in her grave otherwise,” Tommy gripes playfully as his fingers curl around the open door, “so, just let me, alright?”
You don’t argue, chivalry be damned.
There isn’t much to be confused about as you step inside the clinic with Tommy in tow. He takes a seat near the door and the doctor, an old man with a limp and someone who refers to Tommy as son—he earns a casual nod in return and then you’re led beyond the door to the hall of other rooms.
It was a very typical line of questions, a general physical, and a blood draw that he promised would be pushed through quickly for the benefit of allowing you to work as soon as possible.
You try desperately to ignore the particular aura about the old man, thin-wired glasses perched on his sharp nose, age spots littering his face and bald head—but the most glaring is the missing pinky fingers on both hands. It was so clean cut and well-healed that you assume it could be something he was born with, but the moment he spots you noticing, he seems to switch gears.
“You’re all good here,” he tells you, “If anything comes up I’ll give the Miller’s a call—you’re lodging there, right?”
Your left eyebrow raises slightly, nodding hesitantly in response.
“Gotten a few like you before,” he comments oddly, “I’m not passing any judgment, it’s just a question.”
“Yeah—yeah I am. Staying there.” 
Increasingly creeped out as the seconds pass you breathe a sigh of relief as he allows you to leave, meeting Tommy at the front door with a less than comfortable expression. His eyes press a silent question but you shrug it off, hearing him bid a polite goodbye over your shoulder as you walk toward the truck.
Eventually, settled into the truck as Tommy turned over the ignition, he responds with comfort, “He ain’t the most approachable guy,” he admits, “but he’s been helpin’ us for years.”
That was one way of putting it.
“Hopefully I pass with flying colors then.”
Tommy shrugs, backing out of the parking lot with his arm thrown over the passenger seat, feeling the slight touch of his fingertips against the back of your neck through the headrest, “We can figure somethin’ out anyways, seeing as you’re more than eager,” Tommy grins, teeth peeking through, “I like that.
Tommy gives you a proper tour when you arrive back, nothing extensive but he does walk you around the property. He shows you the animal pens; pigs, goats, a few cows wandering around the pasture. And the barn, but he doesn’t enter. You note the lock hanging from the doors, clunky and rusted but securing the doors closed.
The inside of the house is less of a mystery, following Tommy as he lead you into the kitchen and showed off the expensive counter space and deep set sink—if they didn’t put a lot of effort into cooking then you didn’t understand the reasoning for the size, but as the thought floods your mind, Tommy plucks it out and answers it.
“Joel is a better cook than me,” he admits, “another bonus, home-cooked meals, a lot of our meats are ethically-sourced—” The look you shoot his way is quizzical.
“Grass-fed and they’re free to roam and forage for the most part, we’re not stuffin’ them full of grain feed to fatten ‘em up. We try to keep things humane. Joel deals with most of the dirty work and I stick to numbers and talkin’,” he explains, “he ain't’ much for socializing.”
Joel enters at the mention of himself, grunting as he steps beyond the threshold. His coveralls hung around his waist, tied at the hips and the dirty undershirt stretched tight over his broad chest. He peeled off his boots at the door and Tommy leaned against the counter lazily, one foot crossed over the other as he folded his arms and looked over at you, eyes slowly dragging to his brother. 
“She cleared?” He asks briskly, “Or we sendin’ her on her merry way?”
“Joel,” Tommy chastises and Joel smirks, taking a quick glance over at you, “doc said he’d call in the morning and let us know, we can spare a meal and a bed for a night.”
Almost as if you two weren’t even there, he strips off his dirtied shirt and works at the tie around his hips with the hand free of the balled up cloth, “Hope you like mess, girl.”
“I’m not picky,” You shrug, resting your hands loosely against your hips as he walks toward the same hallway you had traveled down earlier, “A little mud and grime won’t kill me.”
Joel chuckles softly at that, fully disparaging, “Blood make you squeamish?”
You shake your head, noting the caked bits of dried blood tucked in the crook of his arms and the creases of his neck, a faint pink tint from his chin down, “As long as it isn’t mine.” 
Tommy seems to tense at your wording, his arms flexing tight as he eyed his brother under a downturned gaze, staying quiet under the domineering energy his brother exuded.
“She might just survive ‘round here,” he directs at his brother, a smarmy remark although more boastful than he had been since the first time he spoke, but the distaste for you still lingered, oozed right out of the disingenuous smirk crossing his face.
He ain’t much for socializing.
It would only take a few weeks, you think. A few weeks and a couple cash payments and you could move onto the next place on your never-ending roadmap. You feel yourself breathing out a sigh of relief as Joel disappears, not realizing how long you had been holding it in.
“S’much as I’d like to have nice home-cooked meal, I think it’d be better if I grab some dinner from the dinner down the road,” Tommy offers, keys clutched in his grip as he rocks on his heels, “I’m gonna pick up your car on the way back, like I promised.”
And then he smiles, again. But, there’s a moment when it finally reaches his eyes and you can’t help but return the gesture, “I…think I’ll hide out in the guest room until you come back,” you admit, pointing toward the hallway, “no offense to your brother, but—”
“Don’t take it personally,” Tommy assures, “don’t let ‘em intimidate you, either.”
Fight fire with fire. 
It wasn’t your forte, but you were hellbent on survival and you would adapt if you had to.
-
You’ve spent the last half hour sorting through a puzzle on your haphazardly made bed, chin tucked into your palm, eyes tracking over the pieces until you could find a suitable match and slotting it into place before repeating the process. The deft shift and click of a door being shut pulls your attention upright, assuming it was Tommy, you clamber out of bed.
What you aren’t expecting is the solid chest that slams into your side, senses overwhelmed with the strong smell of aftershave and clean body wash—it wasn’t a particular scent, just…clean.
You look over, find Joel with a perturbed look on his face, a dinner plate hovering above your head and his expression turning more and more grim as time passes. “Sorry,” you mumble, “thought you were Tommy.”
“I look like Tommy to you?”
You tilt your head, expression pinching together in annoyance. 
Intimidation, just like Tommy had mentioned.
“Yeah,” you respond coarsely, “but at least he’s not acting like someone shit in his food—do you treat everyone like this who comes through here? Is that why you can’t keep people around here?”
His arms drop then, strutting past you with heavy footsteps as he makes his way to the sink, dropping the dirty dishes and pressing his hands into the edge of the center island that sat opposite the line of cabinets and countertops.
“You runnin’?” Joel asks curiously, ignoring your initial question. “Cops gonna come lookin’ for you?”
You balk, offended by his asinine line of questioning. 
“That’s none of your business,” you respond to the first question before spitting out a venomous, “No—what? Scared of a couple cops? Are you hiding something, Joel?”
That seems to strike a nerve decently enough that he rises, creeping around the edge of the island until he’s striding toward you, a hair's breadth away as you swallow hard.
You couldn’t help it—he was large, intense, intimidating without trying. He didn’t have to speak, the image of him did the work itself. Even as he looked more approachable, clean clothes and a freshly shaven face down to a thin layer of stubble, almost normal in appearance. But, there’s rage behind his eyes. It simmers slowly, a creeping boil that would come back to bite you if you allowed it.
“No,” he responds truthfully—at least, it seemed that way. His voice never wavered or faltered, he was strong and believable with his words, “but two things you ‘oughta know—one, don’t go snooping around where your nose doesn’t belong. Two, keep to yourself in this town.”
“And if I don’t?”
“You don’t wanna find out,” he responds without hesitation, both of you snapping out of the intensity of the conversation as the front door slides open, a very focused Tommy stepping through the door with hands full of styrofoam containers full of greasy burgers and fries.
“Nice,” Tommy notes humorously, “you two didn’t kill each other.”
Yet.
“Got us burgers for dinner,” he explains, holding up the bags, “that alright?”
Joel clears his throat, hand wiping over his tired expression, “Already ate,” he responds short, clipped. Tommy doesn’t question it, but his eyes immediately catch on you, wondering what he had interrupted as he sees your body relax when Joel steps away. But, he shakes it off, offering a lazy grumble of a noise in response to his brother as he drops the food on the nearby dining table.
The dichotomy in the pairing is strange and you can’t comprehend how they’ve managed to co-exist as roommates, let alone siblings. But, they were also strangers. You had nothing but assumptions racking your brain, so you pushed it away.
Eat, sleep, and face the next day with a different attitude. A fresh start.
The morning was met with a rustling of two other occupants as they moved about beyond the barrier of your room, voices muffled but constant as they carried on amidst your dreary haze, rubbing at your eyes tiredly. It had been weeks since you’ve slept in a decent bed, not the backseat of your car or a mattress that felt like sleeping on a wall of bricks. You didn’t have a reason to complain and given the circumstances—a roof over your head, a space to yourself.
You’d be stupid to argue otherwise.
There’s a quick whistle behind the closed door to your room, followed by a gentle knock.
“Come in,” you say groggily, muffling out the end with a yawn as you stretch your tight limbs and watch as Tommy peaks his head through the open door, already showered and primed up for the day, his gaze lingers on you for a while and watches quietly. It should make you feel uncomfortable, but it does quite the opposite as you offer a shy smile, “—is this the part where you tell me I have to leave? 
Your hands slap the comforter as he widens the door, letting it thud silently against the wall as he leans against the doorframe, hip cocked into his right hand.
“No, you’re all clear,” he tells you, nodding over his shoulder, “we’ve got a few things for you to do this morning but I wanted to keep it light and let you get adjusted.”
You nod lazily and push yourself out of bed, rubbing at the goosebump chill that spreads over your arms as you feel the kick of cooled air spread through the room, “Enjoy it,” Tommy remarks, “ain’t gonna feel that good outside.”
Tommy departs with his trademark grin, albeit more subdued by his tired eyes as he knocks his fist against the doorframe. But, as you’re heading for the bathroom across the hall, Joel finds you again. 
He’s dressed for what you can only assume is a long day of work, thick pants paired with an even thicker shirt, skin covered from his neck to his feet and far too stuffy for the sticky humidity outside—his job couldn’t be easy and you weren’t faulting him for it, but the scowl on his face is getting under your skin and allowing its claws to find purchase within it.
He takes a sharp bite out of an apple you don’t realize he’s holding until it is pressed against his lips, teeth digging into the skin, juices squirting out with the force of it.
“There’s a full dresser of clothes for you in the corner,” He haphazardly points to the mahogany dresser tucked away in the corner, “different sizes and shit, you’ll have to find something. Since you don’t have nothin’.”
You eye him skeptical but don’t argue, walking toward the dresser and pulling at the top drawer. It was a mix of new socks and underwear, all pressed and fresh in their packages. The next drawer, a mixture of different shirts varying in shades, sizes, designs. Your head turns on a swivel, watching as Joel takes another bite out of the apple, speaking around the food in his mouth.
“People come and go,” he explains vaguely, “always leavin’ stuff behind, so—”
Again, he waves vaguely in your direction. 
“Got it,” you answer curtly, turning your attention away from him.
You shake away the looming cloud of discomfort that Joel leaves in his departure and sift through the clothes—at least they were being hospitable. That was more than enough to allow you to push the uneasiness aside for the time being.
-
Tommy heaves the bucket of dirtied blades and utensils, cutting boards, and a collection of other tools that you weren’t sure you’ve ever seen in your life, all coated with dried, oxidized blood of varying animals, you assume. You didn’t think to ask, didn’t want to know. 
Not yet, anyways.
Tommy rested his elbow against the edge of the bucket, having led you to the back of the house—it was similar to a sunroom, an entire wall of windows that gave you a beautiful view to the fields behind the house. Miles and miles of land, undistributed by the hum of city traffic and noise. The other wall, a dead-on view of the barn that Joel barricaded himself in. Tommy looks over briefly as Joel makes his trek to the locked doors, a metal jug of water in hand, a meat cleaver in the other.
“Well, he’s a ball of sunshine,” you joke before picking through the bucket of items carefully, keeping your fingers clear of the sharp blades, “is this it?”
“Most of it,” Tommy admits, “for now.”
You nod dutifully and watch as he explains things out in a few steps, rules to follow, a method of attack.
“So, just rinse at first with some soap, disinfect with the alcohol, then repeat and lay it out to dry. Pretty simple, but they need to be clean,” he stresses, his teeth peeking out beyond his lips as he stresses the syllable on his tongue, “and always use gloves.” 
He grabs the rubber pair and offers it over before he’s speaking again, this time his words coming a little more hesitantly, “Also—I grabbed your car last night. I was gonna tell you over dinner, but I figured you needed a decent night of sleep.”
“As long as you found it in one piece,” You joke, fitting your hands into the gloves, and the silence has your heart dropping into your gut, “you did, right?”
“Yeah,” his voice wavers with hesitation, eyes squinting slightly in a tell that he wasn’t offering the full truth and you tilt your head, mouth turning down in frustration, “but—it was pretty mangled.” 
“You’re kidding me—”
“Tires were slashed,” Tommy holds his hands up, palm out as he attempts to calm you, “there’s some rowdy kids ‘round here always causing trouble. We’ll figure it out for you, alright?”
Your jaw tenses, teeth clenched behind a tight smile and you nod jerkily. A hard swallow and harsh breath later you’re looking at him with softer, kinder eyes. 
“Thank you, Tommy,” you tell him, “I feel like I’m already causing too much trouble for the both of you, doesn’t help that Joel would rather see me as roadkill than—”
Tommy rubs a finger under your chin to pull your gaze to his, a fleeting touch that has you freezing in place but looking up aptly, eagerly. He scrunches his nose slightly and shakes his head, “Darlin’, we’ve dealt with plenty of trouble. You don’t even come close.”
You laugh slightly, a grin pulling at the corner of your mouth.
Tommy claps his hands together gently before shoving them into his front pockets, looking over his shoulder briefly before his eyes are back on you, “I’m going to start on some paperwork,” he explains, “come find me when you’re done?” 
You nod dutifully, turning to your task as Tommy leaves.
It isn’t hard by any means. It’s like washing dishes if you ignore the prudent smell and extra scrubbing to get the tools completely spotless before you’re running them through the steps that Tommy had listed off, attempting to ignore how weary your arms felt by the end of it.
Your eyes kept flickering toward the barn throughout, wondering if Joel would surface—two hours passed and there wasn’t any sight of him. It was like he lived in there, a nocturnal animal that needed the seclusion and no direct sunlight. It couldn’t be that enjoyable to be held up inside the barn all day.
When you’re finished you carry the bucket into the kitchen and place it on a nearby chair, tracking the back of Tommy’s head. He’s tucked away in the corner at the desk he’d shown you the other day, typing away and sorting through a small stack of papers.
Curiosity kills, so you wander over. 
Peeking over his shoulder, nothing really makes sense.
It’s mostly numbers and an odd mixture of letters, a system that he must have come up with to track the intake of supplies and animals, some of them sorted by what looks like initials. 
Tommy has a pen between his teeth and a calculator at his fingertips, typing away some numbers that add up to an amount that has your eyes bulging out, quickly realizing that this is none of your business.
He acknowledges your presence then, pulling the pen out of his mouth and looking over his shoulder with a curious expression, “Finished already?” 
“Yeah,” you tell him, “I—sorry…if I was supposed to go slow.”
“Oh no, you’re alright,” Tommy turns in his chair, computer screen fading to black behind him, “I still have some stuff to finish up—why don’t you go check and see if Joel needs anything?”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Tommy smirks but not in a way to tease or patronize, he understands the presence his brother gives off, all intimidating and mostly unwelcoming.
“Just give a knock on the door,” Tommy instructs, “don’t go inside, he’s really testy about that. If he needs something he’ll answer.”
You compare it to something akin of facing the wrath of some beastly devil, gearing to attack. 
Tommy offers an encouraging nod that you accept on less than enthusiastic legs, turning and heading out the front door with the surety that Joel would either ignore you or stir up some storm like he had the night prior.
He wasn’t nice or cordial, not that he needed to be—but it wasn’t a wonder why they seemed to go through help around the farm, running people off with his hard stares and less than appropriate comments. If making you uncomfortable was his plan, he was succeeding.
-
It’s quiet outside, morning slowly dissolving into afternoon. It’s still hot, feeling the rush of hot air hit your face as you make your way toward the barn, noticing the unlatched lock but remembering Tommy’s words.
Don’t go inside.
You knock, once with no answer. Again, notably drowned out by the rev of a chainsaw and then silence, a loud bang and rustling of dirt as footsteps come closer, instinctively you begin to step back, scampering away slightly as the door swings open just enough the Joel can fit his body between them, blocking you from peering inside over his large frame.
“You need somethin?” Joel asks, his tone tight and his eyebrow arched slightly in question, his finger wrapped tight around the rusted handle of the barn door.
“Tommy said to check if you needed help,” Joel seems to spot your curious eyes as you attempt to peek around his shoulder, his arm raising to curl around the side of the opposite, unopened door and pulling the open space tighter, his eyes peering down at you, “I finished—inside.”
“Already?” His voice is clipped but subtle with surprise, “You're the first one in weeks that ain’t emptied their stomach over that shit.”
It seemed extreme, but you knew that some people couldn’t handle things like blood or guts or even the thought of slaughtering animals. But, to you, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Sure, it was gross, but it wasn’t going to kill you.
“I’ve got a strong stomach,” you argue, shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly as your gaze refocuses on him, “besides, I told you blood doesn’t make me squeamish. Did you think I was lying?” 
“Don’t know you,” He shrugs simply, “don’t trust you. Is that what you wanna hear?”
You sigh softly, trying to keep the fraying edges of your temper under control, “Is there anything I can do?”
Joel pauses for a moment, seconds dwindling into a territory that brought you silent discomfort as he looked you over thoughtfully before peering over his shoulder.
“Actually, I got some scraps for the pigs. Think you can handle that?”
You hear the disregard in his tone and take the opportunity while he isn’t staring you down to roll your eyes, just in time as he turns his head to look at you.
“Do you?”
Joel laughs at that. A genuine laugh, though quiet and short, you hear it. It was proof that he had a legitimate emotion outside of the one built around pure disgruntlement.
He disappears for a moment, barn door slamming shut in your face and before you even have time to breathe, he’s back. It's a heavy metal bin full of minced meat and a faint coppery smell that has you turning your head and huffing under the weight as Joel trades the bin off.
He points around the corner, toward the corralled pigs snorting near the entrance to their pin, sending the impending meal you were holding.
“Just throw it in there,” He gestures vaguely at the trough inside the pin, “they’ll eat it right up. Oh, clean up the pin while you’re at it, the tools are in the shed out back.”
You nod slowly, digesting the information and feeling the liquid from the bin seep into the front of your shirt, the sensation making you curl inward, gasping at the coldness of it.
“Shit,” Joel curses, “shoulda gave you the apron, that’s always a messy task.”
He sounds honest, but you stare daggers back in return.
“Next time,” He offers with a half smile that makes you sick, “don’t take too long—if you want dinner.”
“If you’re cooking, I’ll pass.”
Again, Joel chuckles. Twice in the span of five minutes.
God, maybe you were winning him over. 
“I’m a good cook,” he says confidently, though the snideness in his tone lingers but barely, “you’ll regret sayin’ that.”
You snort softly as you shake your head, turning on your heels and toward the pigs, hearing the soft thud of the barn door.
It takes you a half hour to finish the task, grimacing slightly as the pigs frenzy toward their food, leaving you mostly undisturbed as you clean up the pen, catching Joel with his overalls tied around his waist, sweat dripping down his neck and his hair matted to dirty skin. 
He seemed normal like this, natural. Dirtied and grimy, a permanent grimace on his face as he traded places with his brother, who was headed toward their truck.
You catch his eye, a waved offer in return for your smile.
Another moment alone with Joel sounded dreadful and maybe sticking out in the remainder of the hot summer day didn’t sound too horrible now.
But, the poignant smell of the pig pen was enough to turn anyone’s stomach, so you choose dread.
-
You and Joel trade off showers silently, working around each other in a less than comfortable silence, mostly trying your best to avoid him entirely, but you can only bear the avoidance for so long.
Freshly showered and in a clean set of tattered lounge clothes, you round the corner into the kitchen and catch Joel’s back, a white shirt stretched over tight muscle as his back tenses when he reaches for the burner, adjusting the heat on the stove.
His keen hearing clues him in, turning briefly over his shoulder to spot you. His expression is softer, but still mostly guarded. With Tommy not around, he was a wildcard.
“Where’s Tommy?” 
Joel stirs away at the pot full of food on the stove, answering with a casual tone, “Finishin’ up some business in town—you sure you ain’t hungry?”
As if he knows, your stomach growls.
You had managed a decent breakfast and light snacking throughout the day, but the rich aroma of spices makes the food hard to ignore.
You approach curiously, noting the emptied but bloodied casing for the meat he was cooking, cutting board with a few stray vegetable ends and Joel’s gaze flickers to you once, then twice.
“You want a taste?” Joel asks, lifting a spoonful from the pot, his hand hovering under the utensil, spotting your weariness immediately. 
As a show of trust, or just plain good faith, he takes a sip of the broth before shoving the spoonful into his mouth, a clear indication that it was safe to eat.
Not that you thought he would attempt to taint the food, but it did ease your worries and you were hungry despite your feelings toward him, so you nod.
Joel smirks slightly and dips a wooden spoon into the pot again, bringing the food to your lips and watching as you blow, the steam bellowing up in front of your face and you sip gingerly, invaded with a burst of flavorful notes.
It was an instant indication that maybe you had judged Joel too hard on his cooking skills, impressed by how savory the food was, stronger than you’re used to, but it was still pleasant. 
Joel’s eyes are stuck on you, gauging your reaction and his lips twitching as your eyes light up, a gentle nod of approval in response. He plucks a piece of meat from the spoon and raises his eyebrows in question.
You find yourself nodding instinctively and Joel drops the spoon into the pot, guiding the chunk of meat to your lips and you open your mouth willingly, feel the soft press of the food against your tongue and the tenderness of it, like butter as your teeth grind into the meat, feeling the swipe of Joel’s finger as he cleans up dripping line of sauce that slides down your chin.
And it tastes…fine. You wouldn’t dare give Joel the immediate satisfaction that you thought it was good, because it was. It was a perfect, home-cooked meal. Your stomach was craving it, mouth watering even more as you swallowed that first bite.
Joel brings his sauce covered finger to his own lips, pressing the digit inside of his mouth and sucking. He wasn’t wasteful, clearly—savoring every last drop.
“So,” Joel grins wider than he ever has, still sated but it was new, welcoming even, “change your mind?” 
You shrug indifferently, but Joel senses your intrigue.
“I’ll give it a try.”
That’s all Joel needs to hear.
-
Somewhere between your first bite and your last, minimal conversation as you sit and devour the bowl of stew without a single qualm, you fall asleep.
It was a mix of exhaustion and a full belly, slumped against the table and your eyes falling shut despite yourself. Joel cleans quietly, dishes clashing softly as he washes the dirtied ones and wipes them clean, stowing away the leftover stew as peeks over his shoulder.
You’re still sound asleep, plush lips pulling together in a tight line as you sigh, breathing out through your nose. 
Joel rubs his hands over the front of his jeans, ignoring the half-hard jut of his cock against the denim, knowing the moment your lips slipped around that spoon he was a goner. 
He’s never gone that far, he’s never tried. He and Tommy have always kept to themselves and while Tommy didn’t stick to a strict diet of Joel’s preferred meat, he did dabble on occasion.
Joel preferred it, and like his brother, was raised on it.
But, like many of the people that have come and gone, always through the process of ending up as stock for the Miller farm, Joel has never forcibly tried to push their beliefs on anyone.
Unfortunately, Joel had never met someone as intriguing as you. Not nearly as squeamish as the others, even fully grown men shying away from the task of cleaning pig shit out of a pen—you were strong, but stubborn. Joel admired it, but he liked the challenge of breaking it out of you too.
He’d wake you eventually, but for now he watches. Arms pressed against the central counter, keeping him hidden in the darkness as the soft glow of the overhead lamp above the dining table illuminated you.
Joel’s come to recognize things—good bone structure, volume of meat and muscle, all the things that make certain humans the perfect piece of product.
And you were just that. 
A pretty penny.
Sometime in the middle of your bleary haze you’d made it to bed, whether with assistance or not you find yourself waking with a turn of your stomach and rolling out of bed in hurried attempt, feeling the force of bile as it made its way up your throat, fumbling loudly with the doorknob until you managed to pry it open.
You make it to the bathroom across the hall just in time to spill the contents of that evening's dinner into the toilet, attempting desperately to keep your wits, arms clenched around your stomach as you heaved relentlessly.
The cold hands come a moment later, icing the back of your neck as they push the hair from your face and offer a soft reassurance.
“Hey, it’s alright,” Tommy’s voice cooed, his cold palm pressing against your forehead as your head lifted to look at him, tears streaming down your face now, “you with me?”
You nod weakly, hearing Joel’s heavy footsteps before you spot him, his stocky frame filling out the doorway.
“Musta been dinner,” Joel supplies to his younger brother, “she’s probably ain’t used to the stuff ‘round here. Less processed, harsher on the stomach when you ain’t had it before.”
Tommy’s gaze lowers, focusing on his brother harshly. It was a look of words unspoken, threatening intention and one that had you holding your breath, wondering if you’d done something wrong. His hand slips down your back, rubbing at the base of your spine. 
In any other circumstance you might find yourself shying away, but you lean into it. He glances over, touching your skin once more. Left cheek, right cheek. You were clammy, mouth suddenly dry and begging for anything to quench the thirst or rid yourself of the sour taste in your mouth.
“Get her some water,” Tommy instructs his brother harshly, “and somethin’ cold, she’s sweating through her clothes.”
Joel doesn’t argue, half-expecting him to put up a fight. He retreats, knowing his wrong-doing but not finding the guilt inside him to care. You’d assimilate eventually, they all do. Him, Tommy, nearly all the townsfolk have learned to adjust to this lifestyle. Unspoken and secret amongst the outliers, it was the way of life around here.
He returns with a glass of water and cold rag, passing them off to his brother, “Don’t run off,” Tommy bites, “we need to talk.”
Joel grinds his teeth at the order, watching as you close your eyes to the glorious press of the cold, wet rag as Tommy squeezed it against your face, your neck, before bringing the glass of water to your lips. A few seconds and one generous gulp later you find yourself cracking a joke amongst the tension, pulling a soft laugh out of the younger brother.
“If you wanted an excuse to feel me up, you could’ve just asked.”
“Oh, pardon me, sweetheart,” Tommy remarks playfully, “I’ll keep that in mind next time.”
Joel sniffles awkwardly, tongue pressing into his cheek as Tommy passes off the items and rises to his feet, nodding toward the hall and motioning for his brother to follow. 
“You need somethin’ you shout, alright?” 
You nod obediently, flushing the toilet weakly before resting your head in your hands, attempting slow breaths to calm your racing heart, waiting for the second wave of sickness to hit you but hoping it never came.
There's a muffled argument on the other side of the wall, the tell-tale sign of Joel's gruff voice, tone clipped and decisive—it was the same way he had spoken to you during your first argument.
-
“What’s our one fucking rule, Joel?” 
Tommy’s voice bites, hushed enough that you wouldn’t be able to hear him, nor Joel as they slowly moved toward the front of the house.
“You're gonna tell me not to do it?” Joel retorts, “I already did. There ain’t nothing to argue.”
There was one thing they both knew for sure.
You weren’t like the others.
“She’s gonna find out,” Tommy assures him, “She’ll find out and then you’ll be the one that’s gotta do the dirty work, not me.”
“Afraid of me choppin’ up your girlfriend into tiny little pieces for Robert and Stan down the road?” Joel asks, a vicious and cutthroat way to take a shot as his brother, who he knew better than anyone.
He’s grown attached too quickly. Joel had suspected, assumed by the immediate likeness to you, but the moment of care shared in the bathroom moments prior had confirmed that if Tommy wanted you, he could have you. The smile you offered in return for his kind efforts was enough for Joel to know.
So, yeah— feeding unknowing people human meat was the number one rule. But, growing attached was the unspoken one that the Miller brothers had always followed, without fail.
 Until now.
“She’s smart—could use that, ya know?” Joel suggests, which is a surprise to Tommy.
His brother, who only ever thought about himself—he was suggesting you stay, that you could help.
“When are you gonna tell her?” Tommy asks, eyebrows raised in question as his hands settle on his hips, pajama pants hanging low. “Tomorrow?”
“I ain’t,” Joel responds without hesitation, “Like I said—she’s smart, she’ll figure it out.”
“Joel, if you don’t tell her I will—”
“No, you won’t,” Joel bites at his brother, stepping closer in an attempt to intimidate, “you tell her and she’ll run for the damn hills—let her figure it out and she’ll confront you. Then we’ll see how good you are at coverin’ our asses.”
It was Tommy’s job, the forefront of their business. He made the sales, talked to distributors in town. He was the face—a pretty face, more approachable. Joel was always sharper around the edges, harder to read.
Regardless, it didn’t matter. Joel had dug the hole for both of them and there was no way out.
You wake with an ache in your muscles and the instant need for a shower, covered in a layer of sweat that makes you want to strip your clothes instantly. You remember Tommy helping you to bed the night prior, the faint memories of you hunched over the toilet as you discarded your stomach contents and Joel watching over, observing, but the rest was a blur.
Not trying to waste anymore time, you quickly shower and dress, meeting the two boys in the kitchen as they readied themselves for the day, picking over breakfast. You settle for a couple of slices of bread, toasting them to a near crisp and snagging a ripe fruit from the basket on the counter, watching curiously as Joel makes a cup of coffee. It was the most normal course of action you’ve seen him take—he even took it with sugar, but obviously no cream.
Tommy already tore through breakfast and was sipping on his own cup of coffee, looking up at you occasionally over the newspaper he was reading, knowing that you were attempting to eat light after the night prior.
“Feelin’ better?” Tommy asks.
Your nod is noncommittal but Tommy doesn’t press.
Without prompting, Joel speaks, “It takes some gettin’ used to,” He explains, “it ain’t like the shit you get in the city.”
It would explain why he was unaffected, that maybe your stomach was just too weak.
“Same business today,” Tommy cuts in, ignoring the long stare you and Joel were holding, chewing slowly at the now soggy toast in your mouth, “we might have some stuff comin’ in tonight though and we’ll all have to offer a hand in unloading it, can you handle yourself?”
You approach him casually, stripping the peel off your banana as you take a bite.
“I can handle myself just fine,” you assure him, eyes pulling up briefly to regard Joel who was already departing for the front door without a word, “—you sure he isn’t trying to poison me?”
Tommy snorts softly, watching as you chewed thoughtfully on the banana and your gaze followed Joel through the windows, tracking his movements until he hit the barn. You feel Tommy’s hand graze your bicep, pulling your attention back toward him.
“He’s not,” If it was a lie, you couldn’t tell, “it all takes some adjusting, he isn’t lying.”
His hand still hadn’t moved and you looked down, his thumb rubbing over the exposed skin of your arm, “You know, I did say all you had to do was ask.” Tommy’s eyes crinkle with laughter, not expecting you to remember your words from last night, “Or, that’s inappropriate because…you’re technically my boss—”
“There isn’t rules out here, honey,” His voice is warm, inviting—but he’s still trying to keep himself at a distance, not too fast or too hard all at once. He’d set out the bait and wait for you to bite it, “we’re just here to help out and mind our business.”
“Okay,” Your response is soft, a gentle lilt to your voice that makes Tommy smile, “and...thank you for last night. I know it isn’t the most pleasant thing to wake up to in the middle of the night.”
His hand drops slowly, fingers trailing until they find your wrist and offering a gentle squeeze before his fingers depart you entirely, “I lived on this farm my entire life. There isn’t much that I haven’t seen or dealt with before. I think I can handle a little throw up.”
Tommy offers up the remainder of his coffee, still warm as you bring it to your lips and savor the rich taste—it was much more your style, full of cream and sugar to the point where it might rot your teeth out.
And the day proceeds without problem, moving through the motions of the tasks Tommy had assigned you yesterday, along with feeding some of the other animals littered around the farm. Horses, cows, goats—it was a wonder how they kept up with it by themselves. They were capable, but it seemed like too much for just two people. Regardless, it was impressive.
By evening, Tommy was pulling in with a truck full of secured and banded boxes on the trailer and Joel resurfaces from the barn by then, reeking something awful. You turn your nose away and scatter to Tommy’s side, earning a chuckle from the younger brother.
“You get used to it,” Tommy tells you, “like everything else.”
You eye Joel wearily, who seems less than amused. He offers a low grunt of acknowledgement as he stacks the boxes two high and heaves them up and into his arms, ignoring any attempt at small talk with either of you.
You couldn’t be bothered to care, knowing that Joel’s behavior was nothing if not peculiar.
“What’s in the boxes?” You ask when both of the men are reaching for boxes, sliding a smaller one into your own grip. They share a look, uncertainty. Who speaks first? Lie? Truth?
Joel huffs quietly—fine, half-truth.
“It’s stuff for cleanin’ up the barn. All the mess and shit. Interesting enough for you?”
Your nose crinkles at his tone, turning on your heels and heading toward the barn with the men in tow, “You’re snippy today,” you remark at Joel and Tommy hollers out a laugh from behind you, full-bellied and genuine, “when are you gonna give me a tour of it?”
“The what? The barn?” Joel asks for clarification before immediately shutting you down, “Never.”
Tommy shakes his head as he places the box down amongst the others, watching as you two bicker with shared looks and a soft giggle coming from you when you realize just how frustrated Joel had become, “I’m gonna head inside—try not to kill each other, alright?”
When Tommy is finally inside, you place the final box down. Joel was rearranging them silently, occupied with the task as you step backwards slowly, turning your head over your shoulder as you reach for the barn door. 
The curiosity was likely to kill you—just a peek, that was it.
The creak pulls Joel’s attention up and he’s on you within seconds, door slamming by your head as his hand pressing against the flat of your chest, fingers itching to squeeze around your throat. You gasp, a guttural noise forced out of you as he pressed you into the hard surface of wood, feeling the splinters dig into your skin.
“What did I fuckin’ say?” He asks. No response. It sets his eyes ablaze, “Answer me, goddammit.”
“Mind—” You gasp again, sharp as his hand presses into your throat now, forcing you to answer, “mind my business.”
“Doesn’t seem like you’re doing much of that right now,” Joel points out, “seems like you’re enjoying pressing that nose into places it doesn’t belong.”
It was a barn, for christ sake. What the hell was he hiding?
“Hey,” you croak, weakly, “don’t kill me, remember? Your brother won’t be too happy about it.”
“That’s only because he wants to fuck you, girl.” He assures you, “You ain’t the first and you won’t be the last.”
Your gaze softens, fingers clawing at his forearm. The disappointment in your eyes was obvious, but a sting to Joel’s ego. Tommy was always the more favored one of the pair, there wasn’t much he could do about it. But, it didn’t soften the blow.
His hold lessens slightly.
“Did you think you were the only little lady that’s come through here that my brother hasn’t tried to sink his teeth into?” Joel grins in amusement, tapping his fingers gently against the side of your cheek. It was patronizing and foolish, but he couldn’t resist teasing you for the dejected look on your face. “I like my privacy, alright? Don’t appreciate it when people invade it.”
You nod quietly, lips opening to offer a weak apology.
“Don’t say sorry,” he tells you, “not when you don’t mean it.”
Instantly, your mouth snaps shut. Joel smirks, satisfied that he was right about that.
You weren’t sorry. You didn’t care. But, you were scared. Eyes still wide as saucers and boring into his own, all blacked out with rage but quickly fading back into their usual warm brown.
“You hungry?” He quickly adverts the topic, pulling at the fabric of your shirt to adjust it back into place like nothing happened, “I’m fixin’ to cook up dinner.”
Two could play at that game.
“Is it gonna make me sick again?” 
Joel shrugs, “Might. Might not. You willin’ to take that risk?”
You luck out, for the most part. Aside from the dinner being nothing short of delicious, it makes you slightly queasy but it was easily qualmed by a glass of champagne, a nightcap to the work day as Joel has already wandered off to bed after cleaning up, leaving you and Tommy to perch on the stairs out front, a cigarette stuffed between his middle and pointer finger as he flicks off the ash, sipping from his own can of beer. 
“I forgot to ask about pay, you know,” You laugh softly, “just…slipped my mind.”
“Weekly,” Tommy answers simply, “every Friday. So, tomorrow?”
You do the mental work in your head, feeling like the days have blurred together. Realistically, it had only been a few but you hadn’t expected how overwhelming those days would be, finally feeling the exhaustion settling in your bones as you rested beside Tommy on the front steps of the Miller home.
“You feelin’ okay?” Tommy asks curiously, beer tipped to his lips as he takes a sip and awaits your response.
“A little queasy?” You’re unsure what to consider it, that unsettling feeling in your gut. You weren’t even sure if it was the food making you feel that way, almost certain that even a single look from Joel would give you the same feeling.
“You’re thinkin’ about it too much,” Tommy points out, “it’ll make it worse.”
You gulp down the rest of the cheap champagne and press the flat stand of glass into the stair besides your bare feet before leaning back on your elbows. Tommy mirrored you, crunching the aluminum can in his hand and tossed it aside.
“Okay, so—distract me,” you responded pointedly, a kind smile sent his way.
Tommy takes a deep puff before you’re plucking the nearly finished cigarette from his fingers and bringing it to your own lips, feeling the nicotine burn your throat. Tommy doesn’t seem fazed at all, used to it. 
Maybe Joel wasn’t lying about all those women. 
This was a normal routine for Tommy. You were another passerby willing to take the bait.
“You wanna go for a swim?”
Your brow raises curiously, amused.
Tommy looks on, awaiting your response. 
“Oh, you’re serious?” You ask, stuttering at the unexpected proposition, “Uh, yeah—sure. I mean…where?”
“It’s a walk, but there’s a lake behind those trees,” Tommy points off to the west, a long and dense line of trees surrounding the edge of the Miller farm, “feelin’ up to it?”
Your mouth waters unpleasantly as you continue to sit with your thoughts, yearning for distraction. You nod.
Tommy grins wide and takes your hand into his own.
-
He wasn’t lying. Under the moonlight, it was a huge lake with eerily undisturbed water. Pitch black and despite the hot and sticky heat, the water was cool to the touch as you dipped your feet into the shallow edge. Tommy is already wrestling with his belt, shucking his jeans down hastily and it forces you to move, stripping your own clothes off in time with him.
Down to your underwear you edge toward the deeper waters, hissing as more of your skin becomes engulfed in the ice cold plunge, feeling Tommy hover around you as he dipped under the water for a moment of time before emerging in front of you, pushing his damp hair from his face.
The cold water has you frozen, paralyzed.
“Come on,” he jests, “dunk yourself, it’ll help.”
You shake your head hesitantly, managing the inch by inch efforts as you move forward slowly.
“I’ll do it with you.” Tommy suggests, his fingers wrapping around your wrists as he wades the water—you feel yourself rising on your tiptoes to give yourself a few lingering moments before you have to force yourself under.
Tommy doesn’t force you, only waits for your reassuring nod after a long moment of indecisiveness before he’s doing a slow countdown and you’re both slipping under the water.
Moments later, you emerge with a gasp but it is full of elation. Tommy had pulled you out deeper, forcing you to swim until neither of you could touch and you clung to him instinctively, feeling the words that fall from his lips brush the back of your neck, “Distracted enough?”
It had, truthfully. You nod in response, feeling deft fingers at your hips as they turn you, your legs kicking in a melodic synchronicity. His touch lingers for a moment before he’s pushing away, using his arms to gain momentum and swim away, looking over his shoulder with a silent challenge.
Chase him. 
You giggle to yourself before following, moving gracefully through the calm waters. It continues like that for a while, minutes passing away effortlessly. The monotone buzz of insects hovering over the lake water and the insistent chirp of the crickets hiding in the grass kept your mind busy. It was peaceful out here, like the rest of the farm.
“So, you grew up here?” 
“All my life,” Tommy answers easily, “it isn’t exactly tourist worthy sights out here, but it has perks. Where are you from?”
“Here, there—” you answer noncommittally and shrug, earning a dismissive laugh from Tommy, “everywhere, honestly. I don’t stick around places for very long.”
“Which reminds me,” Tommy interjects, “your car should be fixed up soon—but, if you wanted to stick around—”
“I don’t think Joel would appreciate that,” you respond, feeling the heat of his gaze on you despite the farmhouse being miles away, “besides—I’m just another mouth to feed.”
“Most people who pass through here don’t last more than a day,” Tommy admits, “it may not seem like it, but he’s warmin’ up to you.”
You reminisce on the heat of his palm against your throat.
If looks could kill….
Joel would have maimed you at that moment.
“He’s a dick, but he ain’t immune to pretty girls,” Tommy teases and it makes your gut twist, “we don’t get many women through here anyways—I think he’s just forgotten how to talk to ‘em.”
You think back on Joel’s words again and decide to poke the bear. 
Swimming toward the shore you turn your head over your shoulder and speak, “You know, he said this is a bit of a routine of yours,” you begin, “seducing helpless women who come asking for help.”
Tommy rolls his eyes lightheartedly, chuckling at the absurdity of your words.
“Joel told you that?” Tommy inquires, swimming toward you. You turn on your hands, slowly scooting your way upshore with your palms until your ass is pressed against a bed of rocks buried in the dirty, shallow water lapping at your shins. “Honey, it’s been nearly a year since any type of lady came across our farm—and the last one? It was some old lady needin’ a jump on her car.” 
Tommy is edging closer now, on his hands and knees as he works his way forward.
“People see the farm and they drive in the other direction,” Tommy admits, “but, not you.”
You lean back slightly as he hovers over you. Your heart pounds in your chest, a salacious grin spreading across his face. 
“Helpless, remember?”
Tommy shakes his head slowly, “Ain’t nothin’ helpless about you.”
You bite first, silencing him with a heated press of your lips against his own, your hand curling around the back of his neck and your blunt fingernails pinching at his skin. His hiss turns into a warm chuckle. He spreads his palm out over the inside of your thigh and beckons your legs apart until he can fit between them comfortably before it curls around the side and pulls you back in, your knees barricading his hips. 
He coaxes you back, taking the balled up shirt on the shore and sandwiching it between the dirt and your head as he pulls back with a low sigh, eyes half-lidded and switching between your lips and your steady gaze, catching the way your tongue licks at your bottom lip.
“Need a little more distraction?” Tommy asks softly, the fingers on his free hand toying with the waistband of your panties, awaiting the nod of confirmation. It comes without thinking and he’s peeling the fabric off gently, watching as it stuck and rolled against your skin, sopping wet from the lake water as they fall to the ground with a soft squelch.
His fingers curl around the back of your neck, pushing forward in a way that beckons your chin up, meeting his lips in another hot and messy exchange of tongue and sweet, soft sighs breathed into each other’s mouths, feeling the tingly pulse at your core as his fingers drag through the center of your pussy. There was no mistaking the slick that had gathered there amongst your heated exchange, a low hum rumbling in his throat as he leaves you, sinking further and further down your body, eyes locked on your own.
“Open up for me,” he commands gently, his hands curling around your thighs as he settles on his stomach, “fuck—that, just like that. Goddamn girl, she’s glistenin’ for me.”
He chuckles at your meek response, looking away with a subtle smile that made you want to crawl away from him, but he held you firm.
“Nothin’ to be shy about,” he reassures you.
You exhale slowly, a calming breath that quickly melts away as he licks a broad line up your cunt with his tongue, through your folds and slurping up with sweet, sticky slick. You gasp, hands curling into fist helplessly, moaning out into the silent night. There was the softest wisp of a breeze that blew over your skin, prickling your skin. But, it’s beat out by the heat of Tommy’s touch as he pulls your hand to his scalp, silenting guiding you toward his long locks and hoping you get the idea. You curl your fingers into his hair and tug, pulling his motions up toward your clit and he sucks, sucks so hard you think you start to see white before he smooths the intensity out with the gentler licks of his tongue. 
It doesn’t take long before you’re coming with a loud moan, nearly uprooting yourself from the ground as he holds you still, the insistent wiggling of your hips from the overstimulation of his tongue enough to make you beg, plead even.
“Tommy, please—stop, s’too much. Too much.” You breath out in a hurry and eventually, a few greedy seconds later, he relents.
He rises with a sated smile sometimes later, watching as you desperately try to catch your breath. Whatever uneasiness you were feeling in your stomach earlier was long, but it didn’t snuff out the mental feeling of it. Fear, worry—like you were being watched.
-
The weeks beyond that pass with ease, falling into a steady routine.
Your car still sat untouched, but you couldn’t find it in you to be a pest about it—things were going well, a steady paycheck and roof over your head. You could bother them about it eventually, but not now. Not while things were good.
By October, the air is cooler and the work is easier to handle. Sometimes you help Tommy on the administrative end, filing away paperwork with information that doesn’t make much sense to you, as much as you try to piece it together. But, you do know they’re bringing in money. And lots of it. Absurd amount, actually. You don’t press Tommy on it either, worried that it would pop the pristine bubble around you both.
He was smitten, kind—sometimes he would sneak into your room at night instead of the latter for you, tiptoeing around Joel in the chances he might have something, anything to say. He’d lied to you about Tommy for his own benefit—but why? You tried not to dwell on it.
But, eventually you find yourself around Joel more often than not. Or, attending to him. 
He still barricades himself in the barn most days, only popping his head out as he calls for things—but there’s one particular evening where things, usually calm, fly off the rails. 
Mentally, at least.
And it isn’t the most auspicious way to let you in on their secret, but Joel can’t seem to rid himself of you. You’re always there, lingering, and even if you weren’t certain of things, suspicion had been raised long ago.
You weren’t even sure what you were trying to confirm, or if Joel’s unsettling nature was just a ploy to scare you into behaving, but you could feel it. Something was up.
He’s tasked you with feeding the pigs a number of times—it’s always gross and messy and not a favorable task by any means, fortunately you’re used to it. But, a large, stray rock buried in the dirt robs you of normality and the bin of bloodied scraps spills out as you land on your hands and knees, the skin scraping off your shins against the rough ground and a loud hiss slips beyond clenched teeth as you scramble to get back on your feet, looking around in desperation and hoping that neither of the brothers had witnessed your misstep.
Your nose scrunches up in disgust as you hold back a gag, scooping the discarded scraps back into the bin, the meat like mush beneath your fingertips and you reach for a bigger chunk, immediately startled by the more solid texture of it. 
Joel usually grinded up the meat, making it easier for the pigs to consume. But this, it was a whole and solid chunk. You push the bin away gently and swipe away the chunks of congealed blood and fat and rub your thumb over the texture of it. Thick, solid. The color was dull and pale but there was no mistaking it. It was skin, but more notably amongst that was the tattoo. It clearly wasn’t the full piece, a couple letters surrounded by an intricate design where it was precisely sliced.
You’ve heard of people using pig skin for tattooing, wondering if Joel was taking up a side hobby amongst the already interesting career path he had taken, but something doesn’t sit well. 
Five pigs, that was how many you’d seen since you arrived. You push the bin weakly toward the pin on your hands and knees until you can find the strength to dump it into the trough, allowing the metal to clatter to the ground carelessly as the pigs flood to their food. One, two, three…and two stragglers trotting over leisurely. Five pigs, not a single one missing.
The creak from the barn has you peering quickly over your shoulder, eyes landing on Joel as he leaned around the door, a perturbed look on his face. You thought it was worry for a split second and as he came closer—curious and cautious over the loud noises he had heard when his saw cut dead—it was. 
He spots the blood on the ground first, a mess you had made. His eyes follow the trail of blood to the pin before they travel over you, covered in the rest of what didn’t make it inside the trough and then your legs—you don’t feel the sting until he kneels, his fingers running over your knees, tiny bits of dirt and gravel buried in the wound as his fingers continue down your shin. His eyes scan the expanse of the property before they’re locked back on you.
“Get inside,” It was a cold demand, detached and emotionless but you can’t move, frozen with a fear that didn’t hit you until Joel’s fingers touched your skin, “go on—you can walk, can’t you?”
Vehemently, you swallow down the lump in your throat. Human skin, not pig skin. You weren’t feeding the pigs scraps of other animals—it was humans. Weeks of clueless wandering, the itching feeling of uneasiness was confirmed for you in seconds. The bile in your stomach was threatening to escape as you walked on wobbly legs to the house, falling down into a chair tucked under the dining table, flexing shaky fingers into fists over and over, slowly in an effort to calm yourself alongside your practiced breaths.
Tommy wasn’t here. He would’ve come running otherwise—you vaguely remember the truck missing as you made your way inside, wondering how distracted you had to be to not realize he left. You hear Joel clearing his throat as he approaches the door, swinging it open harshly as it nearly pops off its hinges.
You make the effort to move, but Joel is quick to snap at you.
“Stay put,” He commands, eyes washing over your stoic expression.
You must’ve been a sight, wide-eyed and disturbed, following Joel’s every move. You were covered in a mix of your own blood and someone else’s—maybe not even one, it could be multiple. Joel seems to sense your stomach turning and lunges toward the trash bin in the kitchen and quickly shoves it in front of you, barely catching the vomit that spills from your throat as you retch your breakfast up forcefully.
Joel moves quietly amongst your sickened state, grabbing a few supplies that he slides onto the table beside you and waits, kneeled down at near eye level as you peer up, wiping the string of spit from your mouth and he looks enthralled, wondering what had caused such a chaotic string of events to unfold.
“You’re upset,” He notes, ripping open a package of cotton balls and pouring a handful onto the table, popping open the cap of isopropyl alcohol, dosing the cotton before he was pressing it into your leg without warning, earning a sharp whine of pain from you.
Was he expecting a different reaction?
“Fuck!” You shout, shoving the trash can aside as your fingers dig tightly into Joel’s shoulder, earning a fiery look from the man—but if he wasn’t willing to give you sympathy, you weren’t going to return the favor, “—you are too, are we pointing out the obvious?”
His fingers drag along the back of your calf, position your heel against his hips as allows no relief, haphazardly pouring a small amount of alcohol against the wound and you grip the wood of the chair so hard you swear you hear it crack.
“Jesus, ease up,” you snap at him, “I fell, I fucked up. I’m sorry, is that what you wanted to hear?”
“What’re you apologizin’ for?”
There’s a distinct rip of tape as you watch Joel smooth the gauze over your shin, securing the bandage over the wound before he works carefully at your knee, cleaning the cut before leaving it alone and moving to the opposite leg.
“Are you not mad at me?”
Joel chuckles dismissively, eyes flicking up toward you briefly, “Not everything is about you, girl.”
Fed up and simmering with your pain, you don’t think and the words slip from your lips before you can stop them, “Is it about Tommy then?”
Joel’s hands still, stopping the slow dragging lotion down your wound as he tilts his head up at you curiously, “You think I’m jealous of that little thing you got going on with my brother?” Joel shakes his head in amusement, his teeth peeking out beyond his grin, “I don’t get jealous. If I want somethin’, I’ll take it.”
The words pierce your chest, knowing there was deeper meaning beyond those words but you look away carelessly, feeling his less than gentle press into your skin as he continues. 
“Business is slow, I don’t like it.” Joel admits, hearing the hesitancy in his voice as he admits it, but it seems harmless. In his mind, you have no clue of the nefarious nature behind their work.
Except, you do. Or at least you think you do. 
“Is there any way to fix that?”
Joel shrugs, “Tommy’s workin’ the people around town, doing all the talking. We’ll see if it works.”
You have two choices.
Admit what you found or bide your time, poke around and see what you can find—you know that won’t go over well with Joel, or Tommy, even. So, you call his bluff.
Because something—be it Joel or that sinking feeling in your chest, tells you that whichever path you take would lead down the same road. You weren’t leaving here without a fight.
“Does the body reject it the first few times?”
You ignore the way your voice shakes, the recognition sitting with you, knowing that they had fed you the meat without your consent. Tommy, too. He’d sat there at the dinner table and tore into the meals all the same, less intrigued as his counterpart, but he was still an accomplice. 
Joel’s expression changes, like switch flips. Bandaging up the opposite leg he rises, answering with a clipped, “Yeah.”
Silence amongst the clattering of items as Joel piled them into his arms and stored them away, another question slips past your lips.
“Was it on purpose?”
Joel’s brow raises, but he doesn’t answer. 
“The tattoo,” You explain, “did you want me to find it? Or did you fuck up?”
At those words, he lunges. His hands grip the table behind you, pinning you against the chair as you lean back and look up, feeling the deep rumble in his chest.
“I don’t fuck up,” Joel retorts and your eyes stray from his hardened gaze, “No—look at me. Now.”
Your teeth dig into your bottom lip harshly, but you listen.
“You knew,” Joel challenges, “long before that, I’m sure. You could’ve ran if you wanted, granted you’ve got that busted car out front, but you could’ve ran. Hell, you could have while you were outside just now—but you listened to me.”
You know what angle he’s pushing, backing you into a corner and you feel it, that tingling feeling of guilt in your gut. He was right, you could have.
“What are you hidin’ in there?” He presses, eyes narrowing as his pointer finger taps gently at the center of your forehead, “I’m telling you we’re murderers, cannibals, and you haven’t screamed or shed a tear. You aren’t scared of me, are you?”
You shake your head and Joel speaks again, “Scared of dying though, right? What’s stoppin’ me from killing you? Tommy ain’t here.”
The finger on your forehead follows down the center of your face until Joel can reach your chin, tilting it upwards.
“You like it here, don’t you?”
There was no nod, but the subtle twitch in your cheek as you bite down hard on the inside of it was enough of an answer for Joel. Don’t give him those words, don’t give him the satisfaction.
“You killed before?”
Another question that goes unanswered, but your actions give you away.
You twist away, desperate to flee his touch. Joel isn’t done with you yet, one hand pressed against his knee as he leans down to your level and the other grabbing for your face, forcing you to look at him.
Admittedly, they weren’t all bad men. Some of them had tried to attack you on the road and ended up at the wrong end of a blade, but others—the few with bad timing and things you needed…it was collateral, in your eyes. Seven of them that you can remember, all unsuspecting men with an eye for the meek and defenseless. 
You snarl slightly, fighting against his hold but Joel is stronger, much stronger. 
“Knew you’d be useful,” Joel admits, “s’why I let you stick around. You got that…look about you.”
Your brow furrows in a mix of disgust and confusion and you catch the way Joel spaces out for a moment, admiring your expression and you twist, shoving him hard with both hands in an attempt to send him stumbling back. It only forces him off-balance and your attempt to flee is stopped by his large, bear-like grip on your forearm as he throws you against the wall, knocking the air from your lungs.
“Nuh uh,” Joel mocks, “can’t letcha go that easy, sugar.”
Joel's grip on your wrist is deadlocked, crossing your arms over your chest tight, pressing himself against you. Under this light, this closeness, you notice the small scars, years of healing left it fading into the skin and Joel notices you admiring for a brief moment—incredibly brief as your teeth clamp down around the side of his hand. Hard. It breaks through the skin and forces blood to spill from his hand and pool into your mouth before he pulls the wounded hand back and balls it into a fist, freezing as you spit his blood back into his face, an instant chuckle ripping from his throat.
“There you are, ya little killer,” He goaded, his eyes ticking up at the sound of a car door slamming outside and a wide grin spreading across his face, “well, isn’t that some fine timing.”
The door swings open a second later and Joel has already pushed away from you, nursing his flesh wound with a dry, clean kitchen towel, leaving Tommy to examine you both with a less than auspicious gaze, blood ringing your mouth and a smug expression on his brother's face.
You approach Tommy hesitantly, reaching for the door with a worried gaze but his hand comes up too, slamming against the flimsy frame and preventing you from roaming further.
“Can’t let you out, honey,” he apologizes, his voice more sincere than you’ve ever heard it to be before his head turns up toward his brother, waving around a white envelope addressed out to the both of them, “we gotta figure somethin’ out.”
He tosses the letter on the dining table and slides his hand down your forearm, a softer grip than his counterpart but it didn’t leave room for argument, jostling you around until he could get the front door locked, dead-bolted, and secured.
“This is home now, baby.” Tommy soothes.
Because really, where else did you have to go?
241 notes · View notes
luvergirl-866 · 6 hours ago
Text
something like love
part - 4
pairing - paige bueckers x azzi fudd
word count - 5.3k
c/w - language, small amount of angst, some hurt/comfort. also kinda problematic paige but i get her
a/n - guess who’s endo cramps are killing her!! that’s right, me! fml. as usual this is unedited but i’ll come back to edit later! also, i changed paige’s step-dad’s name from tim to dean because i remembered that azzi’s dad is named tim and i felt like that would be confusing lol. also, thank you so much for all the fic recs i got! i’m so excited to start working on them :3
They’re ten minutes into the thirty-minute car ride and nobody has said a word. Country music is playing quietly over the radio, and Dean and Amy keep glancing at each other. But the awkward silence is deadly.
Nobody spoke earlier, either. After Paige dropped the bomb. It was silent for a good minute before Dean had coughed loudly and turned back to the car, getting wordlessly into the driver’s seat. Amy stared at them for another minute or so, giving them no clue as to what was going on in her head other than her ears, which rapidly turned bright red. Finally, she’d shook her head and said, “We will talk about this when we get home,” before following her husband into the car.
As soon as they were both out of hearing range, Paige had sagged, and Azzi’d looked over at her, concerned. Usually, she’d lay a hand on her arm but she wasn’t sure if Paige wanted to be touched, especially by her, so instead she’d said, “Remember, we can leave anytime.”
Paige had nodded stiffly. And then, without looking at Azzi, she’d gotten into the car as well, leaving the door open for Azzi to follow suit.
And now they’re on the road, Paige and Azzi sitting in the back seat like two little kids in trouble. Azzi wants to go on her phone to avoid the awkwardness but her parents raised her to be polite, no matter the circumstances, so here she sits, stiff and awkward while she rides in this car that smells new and fancy and she hates it.
Chancing a glance over, Azzi sees that Paige is still staring out the window, the same thing she’s been doing the whole car ride, and Azzi hates that, too, because Paige only ever gets quiet when she’s bone-tired or truly upset. And Paige got a pretty good nap on the plane.
Based off the way she acted to Azzi’s words before they got on the road, Azzi’s pretty sure she’s doing that thing where she shuts people out because she’s mad or on the verge of tears or thinking too hard. And when she does this she can get mean, because she’s trying to protect herself, and it comes out all wrong.
She’s always done this, been reluctant to open up about the hard stuff, shut out the people who care about her. She and Azzi have talked about it a lot. She once admitted that Azzi was the first person to get her to actually talk about her feelings. But despite Azzi’s way with Paige, and despite the fact that they just get each other in a way no one else ever has, they still have their flaws. Azzi still doesn’t always know the right thing to say. And Paige still gets mean.
This fact keeps Azzi glued to her seat, thinking sidling closer and trying to comfort her best friend would only end badly. Azzi acts like she has a tough skin but often, the things Paige says when she gets like this cut deep, and it ends with both of them hurt. She’s scared to add a fight between the two of them onto whatever will surely go on with Paige and her parents later. So she stays put, even though every bone in her body is telling her to make Paige better.
Azzi has only managed this for maybe five minutes when she glances over again and notices that this time, Paige’s hand is splayed over the middle seat, fingers tapping anxiously, almost like she’s subconsciously reaching over. And that sight alone is enough to get Azzi sliding over, moving Paige’s hand so she doesn’t sit on it. Dean looks at her through the rearview, but Azzi pretends not to notice.
Paige doesn’t look over when Azzi settles in beside her. But she does reach blindly for her hand before taking it and placing it in her own lap, playing with the fingers nervously. Azzi breathes in relief. Paige hasn’t rejected her outright—she can’t be too upset. At least not yet.
They sit like that for the remainder of the ride.
When they pull into the driveway, Paige gives Azzi’s hand a squeeze before subtly shaking herself out and exiting the car. Azzi follows, afraid to be alone with Paige’s parents for even a second.
Before Paige can close the door, Amy calls, “Bring your bags into your room, Paige. And when you’re done come down and talk to us in the kitchen.” There’s a weighted pause. “Alone.”
Paige doesn’t answer, just slams the door shut. Azzi winces.
Azzi doesn’t say anything while Paige opens the trunk, or when she starts aggressively pulling their things out, or even when she slams the trunk shut. No, Azzi keeps her mouth shut, wanting to allow her best friend to seethe in peace, but when Paige slams into her shoulder when she passes her, Azzi doesn’t want to let it slide. “Ow! Paige, what the fuck?”
“Get your bags,” Paige responds gruffly.
Okay, so it’s gonna be one of those times. Perfect.
Despite not wanting to, Azzi does as she’s told, gathering her bags and following Paige to the front porch. She tries not to think about how usually Paige would’ve carried her things for her.
Paige opens the door without a word and they walk inside. The house is nice, open, smells of cedarwood. Paige doesn’t give Azzi a chance to look around, though, instead walking briskly to the staircase, lugging her shit upstairs with impressive strength, and Azzi thanks God she’s in such good shape because she’s practically jogging by the time they arrive at a room at the end of the hall.
“Paige—“ Azzi starts to stay, but Paige cuts her off by throwing her own backpack off her shoulder and dropping her suitcases, as if she’s trying her hardest to make as much a ruckus as possible.
Azzi places her things much more nicely on her usual side of the bed, eyeing Paige cautiously the entire time. It’s the only reason she’s able to catch her before she leaves, anticipating her movements just like she does on the court and darting between her best friend and the door, blocking her.
For the first time in nearly an hour, Paige looks her in the eye, and there’s fire there. “Move, Azzi.”
“No.”
“God,” Paige sighs, “seriously, don’t piss me off. Get outta my way.”
“No, Paige,” Azzi repeats, keeping her feet planted.
Paige stares at her and then shakes her head. “Why are you being so fuckin’ annoying?”
“Don’t,” Azzi says, trying to stop her before she gets too fired up, but it’s already started.
“No, Azzi, you don’t,” Paige snaps. “I knew you were gonna get like this, do your fuckin’ peace and love shit that you think will solve everyone’s fucking problems.”
Azzi swallows hard. It’s been years since Paige went on a rampage like this, and she opens her mouth to stop her, but is quickly interrupted.
“It doesn’t solve anything, dawg. It actually makes shit worse, because it’s so motherfucking annoying having you acting like everything’s fine when you don’t even know.” Paige shakes her head, taking a step towards her. “And that’s the thing, is you really don’t know but you wanna pretend like you do. You don’t know what it’s like to have your mom fuckin’ leave you for some fuckass guy, for her to have new kids outta state and raise them to be hateful just like her. Just like him.”
At this point, Azzi has tears in her eyes, and she attempts desperately to swallow them down. “Did you forget that my dad fucking left me when I was a baby? I’ve never even fucking talked to him, Paige. He doesn’t want shit to do with me.”
“That’s not the same and you know it.” Paige sends her a withering glare, so different from the way she usually looks at Azzi. “You have Tim. You have your mom and your brothers and they all love you so fucking much.”
“You have your dad!” Azzi responds, throwing her hands in the air. “You have Drew, you have Alora!” A tear escapes, against her will, and she wipes it furiously away. “You have me, Paige,” she says, more quietly now. “I love you so fucking much. So you don’t get to take this shit out on me and say mean things to hurt my feelings. That’s not—it’s not fair.”
As soon as she sees the tears welling in Azzi’s eyes, Paige softens, her shoulders slumping, eyes turning on her with guilt rather than venom. “Az, don’t cry.”
For some reason, this makes Azzi more mad, and she turns away to face the door, always having hated crying in front of others. “Well if you say mean shit to me, I’m gonna cry, Paige,” she mumbles, though there’s not much fire to her weak, shaky tone.
“Hey, no, you’re right,” Paige reaches for Azzi’s shoulder, trying to turn her around, but the tears have started now and they’re not going to stop anytime soon so Azzi stays turned firmly away. “Azzi, I’m sorry, I didn’t—“ Paige cuts herself off on a sigh. Her hand falls off Azzi’s shoulder, and for a second Azzi thinks she’s going to walk away, but then a pair of arms wrap tenderly around her waist and Paige’s chin is wresting on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—I was wrong for that, I shouldnt’ve said any of that shit.” When Azzi doesn’t respond, instead burying her face in her hands to try and hide what she’s sure is an ugly cry, Paige squeezes her tighter. “Azzi, please don’t cry, I’m really sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry, for real. I didn’t mean any of it, I was just so scared about my parents and I took it out on you, I fucked up.”
Azzi nods into her hands, taking a deep breath to try and stop the embarrassing flow of emotion. “I know, Paige,” she tries, but it comes out sort of as a whimper and this only makes Paige circle around to stand in front of her, full-on hugging her now, burying her face in her neck and rubbing her back soothingly.
They’re silent for another moment before Paige says, “I’m serious, Az. I didn’t mean any of it.”
Azzi knows this, fundamentally, but there’s still a part of her that sort of cracked at hearing her best friend tell her that she was annoying, that her efforts to help always fall flat. “You shouldn’t have said it, then,” she stutters, letting Paige hold her close even as her face doesn’t come out of its hiding spot.
“I know, I know, I shouldn’t have. You’re the only person who can ever make me feel better and I—fuck. Azzi, I’m sorry, I can’t believe—I never wanna hurt you.” Paige lifts her head out of her neck to nuzzle into Azzi’s hair, pressing a kiss to the spot just behind her ear. “Never wanna make you cry.” She plants another kiss there, and Azzi’s breath hitches. From the crying or from something else, she doesn’t know.
Sighing shakily, Azzi finally pulls her head out of her hands to look up at Paige, placing her hands at her chest almost as if she’s about to push her away. She’s sure her mascara is ruined by now but she can’t bring herself to care too much. “It really hurt when you shoved me outside, too.”
A pained expression flits over Paige’s face, and she nods, looking almost sick. “Fuck. I’m—I’m sorry, Azzi. I’m so sorry. Is your arm okay? Does it still hurt?”
Azzi can’t take the guilty look on Paige’s face and shakes her head no. It doesn’t seem to relieve much of anything.
Breathing deeply, Paige closes her eyes and then leans her forehead against Azzi’s, bringing her hands up from her waist to stroke over her tear-stained cheeks. “I’m sorry, baby,” she whispers, and Azzi’s knows that the nickname wasn’t a slip-up this time, wasn’t just a habit from their pretending. “I’m really fuckin’ sorry.”
And with that, Azzi isn’t mad anymore. Her feelings are still hurt and the things Paige said are still going to replay in her head for quite some time, but at least for now, Azzi just can’t be mad. Because Paige is going through something she could never imagine going through.
“I’m sorry, too,” Azzi breathes, and Paige rears back, but before she can protest, Azzi says, “about your parents. About this whole…situation.” She looks down at her hands on Paige’s chest, and, deciding she won’t be needing to push her away anymore, she slides them up to her shoulders. “It’s shitty and you’re right, I don’t know what it’s like to be in your position.” She shrugs, swallowing back the last couple tears that threaten to fall, trying to regain at least some of her composure. “I’m going to be here for you, okay? I always am.”
Paige nods. “I know you will.”
“And that means,” Azzi goes on, “you can’t do this again. You can’t take it out on me. You can’t push me away. Because that makes it really fucking hard for me to help you, and I want to help you.”
Paige nods again, more solemnly this time, moving her hands back to circle her waist. “Yeah, yeah, I know, and I’m so sorry for—“
Azzi holds a hand up to Paige’s lips, effectively shutting her up. “Okay, stop. I accept your apology, I promise. Just, show me you’re sorry and don’t do it again, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Paige says. “‘Course.”
“Good.” Breathing mostly even now, Azzi pulls Paige in for another hug.
With a heavy sigh, Paige hugs her back. “We’re in it together, hm? From now on, together.”
Azzi rests her cheek on Paige’s shoulder, the weight of her arms around her, the feeling of her skin and bones, so familiar. “Yeah. Together.”
Paige pulls back just enough to look at her, and when Azzi reciprocates, she’s uneasy to find that Paige is giving her that same new look. The perplexed, maybe enthralled?, almost worried look that has taken over her face more often than can be explained ever since the first time after their kiss. Azzi really wants to work out what it means.
But, as always, Paige corrects herself and it’s gone as fast as it arrived. “We’re good?”
Azzi nods, smiling softly despite herself. “Yeah, P. We’re good.”
—————————————
Paige has been downstairs with her parents for nearly an hour.
From what Azzi can hear from her spot at the top of the stairs, it doesn’t sound to be going too well. The three of them keep going from yelling to whisper-yelling to yelling again, and Azzi swears Amy has cried like five times at this point.
When Azzi hears Dean say, “We just don’t allow sinners in this house, Paige,” and Paige snap back, “Do not use God against me right now!” Azzi figures it might be time to intervene.
Trying to come up with something quickly, she pulls out her phone and dials Paige’s number. She hears Paige’s phone ring downstairs, and the three of them go quiet before Paige says, “Just—one second,” and then there’s a click on the other line and she’s answering. “Um, hi?”
“Pretend I’m your dad,” Azzi says, hoping she’s not on speaker.
“What?”
“Just pretend I’m your dad, Paige. Seriously.”
“Uh, okay.” The line gets a little muffled and Paige says, “It’s dad.” Azzi can hear both Amy and Dean let out audible groans downstairs.
“Okay, now tell them that I—your dad—am offering to fly you home.”
“I…wha—“ Azzi can tell Paige wants to argue but can’t with her parents right in front of her, so instead she sighs and the line goes muffled again. “He’s, um, he’s offering to fly me home.”
Azzi only has a second to hope and pray that Amy shares Paige’s competitive nature before Amy is saying, “What? You told him about this?”
“No,” Paige answers, “he just knows how you’re like now. And he wants Azzi and I to have a good summer, not a shitty one with shitty people.”
“If you want to go back to your dad’s, go,” Dean says, and Azzi’s heart sinks. Maybe this won’t work.
But then, bless her evil, horrible soul, Amy is stepping in. “No. Absolutely not. I will never hear the end of it if we send you to your father after inviting you over. We just…” Amy sighs, and Azzi thinks she can hear her start crying again. “We want what’s best for you, Paige.”
It’s silent for a moment. And then, “Let me be happy, Mom. Let me see my siblings. Let me and my girlfriend have a good trip with y’all.”
Dean interjects. “We really don’t believe in this kind of stuff.”
“I don’t care,” Paige replies viciously. “I love Azzi. It doesn’t matter that she’s a fuckin’ girl. I…” Paige pauses, quite abruptly, and Azzi wonders if something happened. But then she hears a heavy inhalation and a quiet, “I love her, Mom.”
Azzi knows it’s for the act, but she can’t help the way her stomach somersaults, hearing the words she’s always wished Paige would say.
“And it doesn’t matter what you think of it,” Paige continues. “I’m happy. My faith is strong. And what goes on between me and God isn’t your fucking business.”
“Language,” Amy says immediately. But then it’s silent for another weighted moment and Azzi can imagine Amy and Dean sharing that knowing, judgmental look of theirs. Her heart races while she waits for a consensus, and she’s sure it’s 100 times worse for Paige. But after a few moments, Amy says, “Tell your father that you’re staying here with us. Your siblings will be home tomorrow morning. The four of us adults have a reservation at a restaurant tonight, and we’re all going to go.”
“Mom—“
“We will try,” Amy sighs. “Azzi’s a nice girl. We will—we’ll try.” There’s something tired in her voice when she says, “Right, Dean?”
No answer. But Azzi can imagine him nodding gruffly, and a moment later, with no more words from any of them, Paige appears at the bottom of the stairs. She startles a little when she sees Azzi sitting there at the top.
“Hi,” Azzi says sheepishly, finally disconnecting their call. “I was eavesdropping.”
Paige stares at her, and then starts climbing the stairs, a small smile overtaking their face. “Thanks for saving me.”
“I told you I would,” Azzi replies, waiting for Paige at the top. “So. Dinner with your parents tonight.”
“Yeah. I guess.” Paige gets to the second-top step and stays there, so she’s just a little shorter than Azzi.
“Dinner as a fake lesbian couple with your homophobic parents,” Azzi clarifies, and Paige laughs nervously.
“Uh-huh,” she responds. “I think we needa nap before that.”
“Oh, yeah,” Azzi agrees, pulling Paige up to stand with her. “That is an amazing idea.”
——————————————
Azzi is rudely awoken to none other than an old Tyler, The Creator song blasting through the tinny speakers of Paige’s phone. Azzi groans, and she blindly reaches out for Paige to turn the damn thing off, but her hands only find cold bedsheets. Annoyed, Azzi cracks her eyes open and tries desperately to find Paige’s phone, realizing in the process that Paige’s side of the bed is cold. Strange, considering they still have two hours until dinner.
Finally, after probably thirty seconds of this stupid song playing over and over again, Azzi finds the phone tangled up in the bedsheets and slams the off button. It’s sort of pointless, though, because now she’s very much awake and will not be going back to bed.
She sits up in Paige’s bed, rubbing her eyes and looking around the room. The sun is shining through the curtains, reflecting off the mirror above the vanity and showcasing the off-white walls, the pink door to the adjoining bathroom—which Azzi now realizes is in use, the sound of the shower muffled through the door. She hadn’t noticed before because Paige isn’t awfully singing to some Mariah Carey song. Other than the water, it’s dead quiet in there. She must be nervous.
Fiddling with the pink sheets, Azzi feels nervous, too. Usually, merely being in Paige’s space comforts her, but this room—it doesn’t feel like Paige. It doesn’t smell like her, and it’s too pink. There’s no purple at all, actually. And the vanity—Paige has never known how to do much else other than mascara. In high school, she needed Azzi to tell her what concealer was for, and to teach her how to curl her lashes. She certainly wouldn’t have use for an entire vanity dedicated to makeup. The walls are also decorated with cringy, sort of Bible-thumping quotes and paintings of flowers. There’s not a single basketball poster.
No, this room isn’t Paige at all and Azzi feels an ache in her heart, thinking about how out-of-place she must have felt whenever she came to visit as a kid. How out-of-place she must feel now.
Without Paige to talk to, and without her room to comfort her, Azzi settles for laying on Paige’s side of the bed, burying her face in the blankets, and there she is—vanilla, like her hair products, and lavender, like the lotion she wears and the linen spray she uses, because it calms her down.
Azzi thinks she just might fall back asleep, enveloped in Paige’s scent, but then the door to the bathroom opens and steam billows out just before Paige does, wrapped in a towel, hair wet down her shoulders. Azzi only has a second to ogle the water drops adorning Paige’s collarbones before she’s spotted, and Paige gives her a curious look. “You still sleep? I left my phone here so the alarm would wake you up.”
“Yeah, no, it did,” Azzi says, sitting up quickly, before she looks like a weirdo snuggling up in Paige’s spot. “Just tryin’ to hype myself up for dinner.”
Paige gives her a commiserating look. “Me too. I’m shitting my pants, for real.”
“That why you couldn’t sleep?” Azzi asks, stretching out her back and swinging her legs over the side of the bed.
Paige hums, bending down to rifle around in her suitcase. “I’on even know what to wear. Apparently it’s some fancy restaurant but I’m not wearing a fucking dress.”
Azzi laughs at that, lifting her hands when Paige shoots a glare over her shoulder. “I’m serious, dawg! And it’s not like I brought a suit or nothing.”
“I think you’re overthinking it,” Azzi says, standing up. “Just wear jeans and tuck a t-shirt or something. You’ll look cute no matter what.”
Paige straights up and gives her a cocky grin. “You think all that?”
“Chill, P,” Azzi rolls her eyes, shoving Paige’s shoulder a little.
“What were you doing on my side of the bed, anyway?” Paige asks, and Azzi can’t help the way she freezes. She’d thought Paige hadn’t noticed.
Trying to cover her reaction, she shrugs casually. “I didn’t know you owned the right side of the bed.”
“Nah, we’ve always had our sides,” Paige shakes her head, taking a step closer. “Why was you all cuddled up in mine?”
“Oh, I dunno,” Azzi says, trying for sarcastic but she can’t even really make eye contact, “maybe I rolled over or something.”
“Please. You don’t move in your sleep.”
“Maybe I do. You don’t know.”
“I think I’ve slept with you more often than I’ve slept alone,” Paige scoffs, taking a step even closer so that they’re practically chest-to-chest. “I know damn well.”
“Okay, seriously,” Azzi says, taking a small step back and stumbling when her thighs hit the bed, “go get dressed, you weirdo.”
“Mm,” Paige says, pretending to think about it. But before Azzi can move away, she grabs her waist and they both fall onto the bed while Paige starts to tickle her like crazy.
“Paige!” Azzi screams, laughing so hard she almost can’t breathe. “Get—off, oh my God!”
Paige is laughing right along with her, and it’s a miracle her towel hasn’t dropped yet. “Tell me the truth!”
“What the…” Azzi giggles and squeals when Paige goes for her armpit, “fuck!”
“I won’t stop ‘till you admit it!”
“Okay, fuck, okay!” Azzi pushes Paige off her, and Paige lets up just enough for her to gasp and say, “It smelled like you, okay? The sheets, they…” Paige has stopped completely now, staring at her with a shit-eating grin on her stupid face, “they smell like you.”
“Uh-huh,” Paige replies, “and you missed me so much while I was in the shower that you needed to smell my sheets?” She jabs her one more time in the ribs, making Azzi shriek, before rolling off her. “You lil creep.”
“It wasn’t like that!” Azzi insists, even though that’s exactly what it was like. “Now, seriously, go get dressed. You got me all wet.”
What Azzi means by that, of course, is that Paige’s damp towel and sopping hair had transferred to Azzi’s own clothes and hair. But Paige can’t be normal about anything, so she looks over and grins slyly.
“Don’t,” Azzi sighs.
“Oh, no, it’s okay,” Paige says, sitting up in bed and pulling Azzi up with her. “You don’t gotta be embarrassed. I know I make a lotta girls wet.”
“Stop being weird,” Azzi says, as Paige bends down once again to pull an outfit from her suitcase.
She begins walking back to the bathroom. “I’m not the one who gets turned on by tickling,” Paige calls over her shoulder. Just before she closes the bathroom door behind her, she says, “Don’t worry, we can take care of you after dinner, mama,” and winks at her.
Azzi’s shoe hits the door just as it clicks shut.
—————————————
They drive to the restaurant in silence.
It’s similar to their car ride from the airport, though it is a little less tense than before. Paige isn’t fidgeting too much beside her and her parents aren’t giving each other looks the entire time. That’s gotta be a good sign.
When they arrive at the restaurant, Amy and Dean start chatting idly, Paige and Azzi trailing behind when they walk inside the fancy building and give the hostess their reservation.
It’s only when they’re finally seated that they are addressed.
“So, girls,” Amy says, her voice all forced cheerfulness, “what looks good?”
“I dunno,” Paige mumbles, and Azzi kicks her under the table before saying, “Have you guys ever been here before?”
Amy looks a little startled at Azzi’s voice, but she recovers quickly, looking over at Dean with a forced smile. “Oh, yeah, we come here sometimes.”
Azzi smiles politely. “What do you suggest, then?”
“Um,” Amy says, and then she sort of jerks and Dean winces, and Azzi’s sure Amy has also just kicked him under the table.
Apparently well-trained, he speaks immediately. “We love the spinach ricotta.”
Azzi hums, then nudges Paige. “That sounds good, right?”
“Uh…” Paige looks like she wants to be difficult, but then she sees the warning stare Azzi is giving her and straightens up a little, “yeah, yeah. Sounds good.”
“Wanna share?”
Paige sighs, but luckily it’s barely audible. “Yeah, sure. Let’s share.”
Azzi leaves herself out of the conversation after that, letting Paige answer her parents’ conversation starters. When the waitress comes to take their orders, Paige gets a glass of wine for the both of them. Neither of them really like wine, but it seems classy enough and it might take the edge off just enough that they can actually get through the night unscathed.
It’s not until their dinner arrives that Azzi is addressed again.
“So, Azzi,” Dean says, out of nowhere, “How’s the knee?”
Azzi’s hand goes subconsciously to her surgery scars. “Doing better. PT’s been going good.”
“Good, good.” He leans back in his seat, and Azzi senses trouble. Something about the way Paige protectively rests her arm across the back of Azzi’s seat makes her think she senses it, too.
“You get injured a lot, huh?” He asks.
Azzi sort of hates the way her face gets hot, hoping it doesn’t show up on her brown skin. “I’ve torn my ACL twice, yeah.”
“And your meniscus, right?” he prods.
Without really noticing it, Azzi looks over to Paige, and that’s apparently all Paige needs to jump in. “Hey, let’s not talk about it.”
“Why not?” Dean asks, scoffing. Amy is looking between the three of them nervously. “It’s hard not to talk about. Azzi, you don’t even play basketball at this point.”
“Um,” Azzi replies, her instincts telling her to get hot-headed but with the way Paige is buzzing beside her, she’s gonna need to keep her cool.
“What the hell?” Paige says, her hand going from the chair to Azzi’s shoulder. She looks at Amy. “Mom, you said this wouldn’t happen.”
“Your father is just asking a few questions—“
“He’s not my fucking dad!” Paige exclaims, and Azzi jerks as she’s pulled into Paige’s side. “I already have a dad! He raised me, he loves me, Mom, and he’d never say this shit about Azzi.” Angrily, Paige stands up, tossing a few bills onto the counter and helping Azzi to stand beside her.
“Sweetheart,” Amy says, reaching limply for her daughter while Dean sits beside her looking far too smug. “Paige, where are you going? We’re your ride.”
“We’ll Uber,” Paige responds, wrapping an arm around Azzi’s waist. “I’m not gonna make her sit through your bullshit because you don’t know how to act like a decent fucking human being.”
“He was just asking—,” Any starts, sounding exasperated, but Paige cuts her off.
“You know what he was doing.” She glares at Dean, who shakes his head, smirking. “We’ll go back to the house,” she sneers. “But if this doesn’t change by tomorrow we’re leaving.”
And with that, she takes Azzi hands and leads them both out into the night.
—————————————
Paige keeps it together until they get to the house.
As soon as they’re stepping through the door, she turns away from Azzi and leans down to untie her shoes. Azzi does the same, but she doesn’t miss the sniffling sounds coming from her best friend.
Paige refuses to look at her when they start heading upstairs, and she tries to make a beeline for the bathroom once they close her bedroom door shut behind them. But Azzi stops her, placing a gentle hand on her arm. “P?”
Another sniffle. And then a quick wipe at her face before she’s turning around, trying to look nonchalant but her eyes are red and her lip is trembling. “Yeah?”
“Paige,” Azzi says softly, and Paige crumbles, hands coming up to her face as she starts crying.
Azzi steps forward to hug her, pulling her down to hide in her chest. “I’m sorry, P. I’m so sorry, this—this sucks.”
“I’m sorry,” Paige replies, voice all small and muffled in a way that makes Azzi’s heart hurt. “I thought they were gonna try…I wouldn’t have taken you out with them if I knew…”
“Hey, it’s all good,” Azzi responds, running a hand through Paige’s hair. “I didn’t mind, really. I’ve heard worse.”
This is apparently the wrong thing to say, because Paige just cries harder. “Fuck, Az, you shouldn’t have to do this.” She lifts her head up to look at her, and Azzi absently wipes her face. “This sucks. It’s the first week of summer and I—I was shitty to you and now my parents, and I—“
“Paige,” Azzi says sternly. “I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I couldn’t handle it. I can handle it. It’s you that I’m worried about.”
Paige nods, sniffling again. “You don’t gotta worry. I’m fine.”
“You’re obviously not fine, P,” Azzi says, and Paige winces, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt.
“I’m okay,” Paige insists. “Really. As long as we do this together, I’m okay.”
She straightens up like she’s steeling herself, and Azzi thinks maybe she should do the same.
This is only the first day of their two-week stay.
It’s going to be a long trip.
@azzibuckets @smiths-fan--13 @ch12334 @makethemhoesmad @the-other-half @rosemariiaa
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sepublic · 16 hours ago
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As I talk about Luz visiting a host culture and learning to appreciate it, to respect and submit to the grace of her hosts, I think there’s similar potential in Vee doing the same in a reverse way; She’s a demon entering the human world, she’s engaging in human culture and learns how to be human on their terms.
Now granted, some of that human culture Vee encounters has issues of assimilation and imperialism and the like, so the onus on Vee to be respectful is much smaller. Plus she’s a refugee who had little choice, persecuted by an older branch of that culture in Belos, so really she’s entitled to do as she pleases with Gravesfield; She’s not like the Coven Heads, who expected to fuse the realms, and be treated like royalty for it by both inhabitants.
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But then we get to the Noceda family, who aren’t from there, who are Dominican immigrants, whose forebearers come from a country that struggles with imperialism, whose struggles in this American society hearken back to that. With Luz needing to learn magic on the terms of the witches and the Titan and whatnot, I think there’s potential in Vee acclimating herself to the Nocedas’ Dominican customs, learning Spanish, all of that. Camila very much chose to adopt this scared child who had to go along to survive, but it’d be neat to explore Vee understanding Luz in hindsight, and how her decision to leave home was informed by racism and other factors.
Like imagine Vee getting to apologize/make it up to Luz for saying she had it good and abandoned her mother for nothing; Imagine Vee reflecting on how she didn’t even want to be here specifically, just away from someplace else so she could survive. But now Vee can catch her breath and find stability, so now what? Does she do the same as Luz and embrace another world?
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Imagine Vee taking Spanish lessons, imagine Vee partaking in the family traditions and music and culture. Appreciating what the Dominican heritage that adopted her is like. Being grateful to be included, wondering if she even belongs or deserves to, if she’s just an impersonating thief like her creator. Eda tells Luz to her own kind of witch, maybe Luz and Camila comfort Vee in a similar way.
I can see it being a touchy subject that requires care, but it could be something the Noceda sisters bond over, that question if they really belong and if their presence is inherently harmful; Luz wanting to do her witch fantasy led her to helping Belos find what he needed to become an emperor and enact the draining spell, to establish a genocidal regime.
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Vee stole Luz’s life and contributed to a lie that devastated Camila when she found out, created a temporary rift between mother and daughter that contributed so much to Luz’s suicidal depression, which of course pained Camila. Luz and Vee both hurt people who took them in, who they grew to love and vice versa, without meaning to in a grand butterfly effect.
Because again, people understand Luz, a lot more than she realizes, it’s her greatest comfort, a fantasy even deeper than being Azura because even that was about finding people who shared the same interest in magic as her. Camila knows what it’s like to make mistakes, Willow knows what it’s like struggling to be the perfect friend everyone can depend upon; Amity knows what it’s like to hide your greatest sin for fear your new friend will reject you for it. Etc.
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So Vee knows what it’s like to have to leave a place, finding a new one, stumbling your way into the arms of a mother and learning enthusiastically about how to be this world’s people as you make friends from them. But all the while you question yourself if you belong, if you’re some impersonating thief. Luz saw herself in Belos, maybe Vee saw herself in other white colonizers like him, the ones who came shortly before in conquering the Americas, contributing to the Dominican culture as a side-effect.
Vee’s ability to shapeshift could make her ask, Am I just an imitator? This makes me think of how Hunter is really good for episodes where he and another character bond over similarities; We were both cloned by Belos to aid in his genocide (While Hunter was technically in the spotlight and meant to be a nephew, Vee was hidden at all times and a loathsome tool). We both feel the weight of being colonial in some regard. We both have to rely on the identities of others, so who does that make us? In a timeline where Gus was not as mindful about the Grimwalker secret, I could see Vee helping Gus with Hunter’s clone angst.
And if there’d been more time, maybe Vee could’ve helped Luz with her own guilt, her own worry of being an outsider who doesn’t belong and is inherently harmful whether she means to be or not. Camila could bring up Vee and say that it’s not the same, there’s a difference between an immigrant and a colonizer, esp when the native chooses to accept. And Vee would feel validation as an example, but still wonder anyway. Shouldn’t they be conscious of it?
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But maybe that’s what they’ve already done, with Luz learning to earn magic the way wild witches do, treating witches and demons as people and not side character tropes in her story. Those friends affirm that she’s already done the work, and the butterfly effect of being manipulated is not equivalent to malicious, intentional colonization. And if Vee feels she hasn’t done it, she can begin now, when it comes to Dominican culture and being a Noceda. And the Nocedas have always loved weirdness, so Vee’s already halfway there! Manny would’ve loved her and appreciated the joy Vee brought to his family.
Between everything that needed to be established for the plot and for Luz’s own depression, plus clone troubles, and Camila’s backstory and like. Yeah there was no time for a Vee storyline like this when Luz was isolating herself the whole time, and would only start to let people in when she was returning to the Demon Realm or was there. But imagine a full S3 where we could’ve it all…
This could make good grounds for a fanfic, the Noceda sisters bonding. It’d have to take some cultural sensitivity that the characters would have in-universe, but a writer might struggle out-of-universe. I could see this being after the finale, when Luz has a relapse because that’s always a possibility and has happened before; And for Vee, her storyline isn’t necessarily addressed and they can both bond over a shared fear together!!!
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leandra-kinard · 1 day ago
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I'm in no way invalidating this post, as I assume it's US-centric. But it's a stark reminder how vastly different the work cultures are there and in Germany where I live and work.
Yes, you don't have to tell your boss everything, and in some instances it's a good idea to say less, but if you have any kind of long-term illness or condition, it actually is a good idea to talk about it with your boss (and HR + the work's council, if you have one). Good employers in Germany will then do their best to accommodate for your needs so they can keep you and make things work out for you. They tend to have a more long-term mindset where they want to help the employee get better or find better ways to be a happy (and yes, with that productive) employee.
That's not always the case either; especially internationally operating corporations here are a bit more cut-throat, so it's a good thing to know the company's mindset well, but it's a tendency.
Also, there are actual laws that prohibit them from firing you for something like that. There are limits, for example if you're actually sick (off work) for too long repeatedly with no prospect of improvement that can be a just cause for termination, but the employer has the duty of proof in that instance. If they cannot prove that your absences are too detrimental to the company's well-being for them to tolerate it, you can sue for reinstatement or damages.
At my current company, I've been immensely lucky, because even for German standards the mentality there is extraordinarily understanding and supportive. When I told my boss that I was burned out and had to take a week or two off (on fully paid sick leave, mind you), he said "Two weeks might not be enough. Take as long as you need." So I took four.
I was in the process of switching departments, so I had a conversation with my next boss too and asked if I could work from home completely for a while. He seemed very understanding, and I then told him the whole story - because he also needed to have some kind of prospect and know how long it was gonna take etc - so I said I was in the process of being diagnosed for ADHD and that I just couldn't manage also having to go into the office.
Now that I have the diagnosis and will soon hopefully get my meds, there's that prospect, and we said for now, I was gonna come in one day a week (usually 2 is mandatory) for a while until I feel ready to be there two days again.
That was only possible because I explained what was going on with me; the transparency also gave the employer a positive outlook and a feeling of trust, and when your company's mentality is built on those kinds of values, it makes for a million times more pleasant AND productive working environment. I mean, just by how this all was handled I do feel very loyal to my company now. (I'd be stupid to leave, frankly, lol).
And from many other cases I know how they reacted too. A colleague had to stay at home because she had pregnancy complications - no problem. Another one sometimes has to leave early or work from home because she has frequent and heavy migraines. Sometimes people have to do the same because of something to do with their kids. Everyone is usually fully transparent about it and it really helps create an atmosphere of openness and trust.
TL;DR: Err on the side of caution, yes. But do inform yourself of your legal rights in your country, and the mechanisms in such situations. Suss out the company's approaches to various issues and know their policies. Sometimes, when the outside conditions are in your favor, being transparent about your situation can be the better choice.
Hey here is your friendly reminder to not tell your nice boss stuff.
I’m at the executive management level for my very small company and I have 4 people who report directly to me. I am a nice boss. I’m friendly with my employees, I treat them like professional adults, I actively try to create a positive work environment, and I mentor them and make sure they’re advancing in their careers. I do my best to shield them from the rest of management doing stupid shit. My employees like working for me.
The other day one of my employees came to ask if she could change her hours on Mondays. I said yes immediately because it’s helpful for me to know when she’s here and when she’s not, but as long as she gets her work done I don’t care when and where she does it. She then proceeded to tell me that it was so she could attend therapy and like … I will never use this information but … as a general rule don’t fucking do that.
Do not tell your employer shit about your mental or physical health except for the bare minimum needed to request a reasonable accommodation. Even your nice boss can fire you, even your nice boss can unfairly change your working conditions, and even your nice boss at some point is probably going to face pressure from their superiors.
I’m not saying don’t trust your boss with anything ever. I’m just saying that anytime you are in the workplace you need to keep your private information private. You can still have a good relationship with your boss. Your workplace can still be pleasant. But if it ever feels like disclosing private information is required in order to have a good relationship with your boss, please see that as a red flag.
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lolitastories · 2 days ago
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🪷WEDDING🪷
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“Mija, you can go on ahead to the club” I raise my head to watch my parents dressed up for something other than the country club. “We will meet you for dinner” My mother nods to my fathers words, sending a smile over to me.
“Remember to talk with Francine about the party” They didn’t wait for an answer, already halfway out the door. Ever since I could remember we barely spent time as a family. It was rare to get them at dinner so I knew that they weren’t going to be back for dinner. They remembered birthdays and holidays but other than that, nothing. They were there for some school events but I stopped letting them know about the few last ones my senior year because I felt like I was begging for attention.
“¡Bye Hon!” My dad screamed as the car backed up in the driveway. I closed the door and turned to get my purse.
“You need me to tell Jerry to get the other car ready?” I look over, shaking my head.
“No, thank you Ruby. I will drive myself today” She gives a gentle nod before walking away. As I get into the car I think of not even going but then I turn it one and I think I could skip the country club for today and maybe go to the beach? Then Francine comes to mind and I lose all hope of having a nice day by the waves. Once Francine sees me at the club she will make sure I stay there and I have to see her because she is part of a wedding I am helping plan. Francine is an old friend of my parents, like a second mother and since she has no kids she bestowed that onto me. I make my way to the club and before getting out of the car I take a deep breath and walk in.
“Miss, so glad to see you, how are your parents?” I jumped, hearing the enthusiastic voice from the club's host.
“They are doing great”
“That's amazing to hear, well enjoy your evening” He smiles quickly before running off to his next victims that were just walking in.
“Alone again?” I closed my eyes trying to calm my beating heart down again. People need to stop doing that.
“I feel like I should be reciting Shakespeare right now?” My head moved up seeing Rafe lean over the balcony. Light salmon pink shirt with a fresh buzz cut and the never missing gold ring. “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?” I lift my hand mocking chivalry. Rafe chuckles, shaking his head.
“So that makes me Juliet?” I shrug my shoulders
“Fuck that, there is no shame in a woman senerating a man” He stand up straight and with a smile, he looks down.
“Well continue my lady,”
“Deny thy father and refuse thy name;” Why was I giving it my all? I laugh inside at my stupidity right now. “Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”
“You always had a way with words” He smiled leaning back to his original pose.
“Yes,” Our heads turn to see Francine walking over to me with an unamused look. “Words she decides to keep hidden,” I smile respectfully, giving her a hug. “Hello Rafe,” I held an amused grin on my face. She was literally throwing daggers at him. We knew she didn’t like him, can you blame her? Rafe has a reputation.
“Francine-” She didn’t wait for him to finish before grabbing my arm and pulling me away from the club’s entrance and onto the garden.
“I thought you two were no longer friends”
“We are not,” I said rapidly, I lied quickly on my feet.
“I hope not, he's not a good boy for you my love,” Another smile, what I wanted to say was, “I know what i'm doing. I am too smart to fall for Rafe Cameron but if I did, I will take the blame” I only nod at her said advice. “Now, how about we talk about the wedding?” For a good hour I was following her along the country club and making notes on what exactly she wanted for the wedding. More flowers, clear chairs,mirrored floor, a release of butterflies, and no color other than sky blue and white of course.
“What were you thinking about the ceremony?” She lets out a quick squeal before rushing towards the cliff which was only a small hill with some height overlooking the beach. I walked quickly to see what she was pointing at with such a huge smile.
“We agreed on the beach,” I hear a contempt sigh leave her lips. Her shoulders fall and her eyes soften at the vision of the bride getting married there. “Can’t you see yourself there too?” Too focused on her happiness and excitement, her question caught me off guard. I look down again but quickly shake my head. “You have planned such beautiful weddings, where do you see yours?”
“I can’t set my mind on one,” I chuckled nervously. It wasn’t the whole truth but it wasn’t a lie. Of course I know what I have wanted for my future wedding since I was 6, but as a wedding planner there was one thing I hated the most about planning and it was the grooms. All they did was walk behind the bride, nodding and smiling. Agreeing on everything. I want to think it's to make them happy because a wedding was made out to be more for the bride but hearing the groom speak they let out subtle comments about no caring. I want my future husband to care. I want him to be present in what is the beginning of our future. I want him to be the bridezilla along with me.
“Well don’t settle for only this view” She pointed out. “You can have a destination wedding like somewhere in Italy.” Her eyes grow bigger, “Or the south of France!” She jumps giggling at her ideas. “I am going to go look at venues now, you know how easily they can book up!” There was really no use in saying it was too early to think about my wedding because nothing can change that woman's mind when she gets this excited about something.
“I need a drink-” I closed up my book and was ready to leave when I heard a voice from the shore.
“I got an extra beer” My gaze meets Rafe holding a beer up. “Is it too trashy for you my lady?” My eyes stay glued to him and a small smile appears on my face. “I don’t know any Shakespeare if that's what you want to hear” His arm slowly falls to his side. I look over to the country club and catch a glimpse through the window only to catch Francine rushing out of her office.
“Not trashy Cameron” I smile as I take a seat on the hill. “But I don’t drink beer,” I carefully push myself off and balance myself to walk down the steep hill until I am standing in front of Rafe.
“Worth a shot” He shrugs, putting the beer in his pocket. “I know you don’t drink at all.” I shake my head noticing he only had one beer in sight.
“Honey?!” Our heads turn toward the top of the hill to find no one there but the scream of my name becoming louder and louder. Francine can wait another day
“How about you offer me an escape?” With a glimmer in his eyes he grabs my hand and rush's us down the shore. I take a glimpse unsure of the object but as we move closer I start to laugh. “You bring this everywhere just in case?” My breath is shaky, I am not used to running. I look back seeing the figure of Francine screaming out to me but I choose to turn back to Rafe.
“Who knows when a lady needs my saving,” He puts out his hand for me to take and I oblige. He helps me up to a small row boat and I take a seat on the furthest end.
“Need help?” Rafe shakes his head pushing us offshore and he rushes to get in. “Daddy wouldn’t let you use his yacht?” I smile. I look over to the horizon, as the sun meets, perfectly creating an orange hue.
“No,” He groans, making me chuckle at his annoyance. “Don’t want to risk leaving it unsupervised since those pogue pulled their little stunt on Toppers”
“You always ruin it with your talk about pogues,” I roll my eyes looking back at him again. His arms stop rowing at his eyebrows furrowed.
“It 's true!. Little dirty pogues who don’t come close to us should be taught a lesson soon and for good” I never associated myself with what he would call somebody a pogue but that's because I don’t see them as such. My life has consisted of following my parents and at school and work I am only surrounded by people who are considered good. I never leave my bubble. But money or no money, people are people. As long as you are a good person, you are rich in my book.
“You know,” I look straight into his eyes. “You always mentioned how little Francine makes you feel, do you realize that's how you try to make them feel?”. His small smile falls into a straight line. “Would you want me to treat you less just because of some stupid status?”
“It's not the same, those pogues!-”
“Are human Rafe,” I let out a sigh knowing this conversation was just like the past. “Human beings who weren’t blessed with opportunities we have. They work day and night. It doesn’t matter what their bank account says if they have a good heart.” I move closer to him. “I know you have a good heart too Rafe.” I move my hand under his chin to pull him closer. “That's why I choose to disobey my parents and Francine once in awhile,”
“We tried this once already” He whispers. A slight smile appears on my face remembering how I like and feel having him this close.
“I still have hope,” His forehead rests on mine and a slow breath leaves him. “It was wrong of me to try to change you,” my thumbs caressing his skin.
“I was acting too proud and stubborn. Everybody saw me as such so it angered me.” He opens his eyes, putting a bit of space between us. “I was willing to try but I didn’t want to disappoint you”
“It wasn’t a choice for you to decide what is right for me. I told you I didn’t care about what anybody said and if it went down in flames, I could handle that.”
“But you don’t deserve-” his words paused as I came closer. My lips on his but only for a longing quick kiss to shut him up.
“You put yourself down when I see you more than worthy. Worth the eyes of people judging. Worth the scolding of my parents and definitely worth the hours of talk Francine is sure to give me” I hear his chuckle along with mine. “Do you think we should try this again?” He nodded eagerly, grabbing my neck and pulling me closer but I was quicker and set my hand between us first. “Rules”
“Fine” He groans, pulling apart. He shakes his head before turning his body towards me. “Date night twice a week,” My head falls back in annoyance. When we first tried having a relationship it was hard to adjust. I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend and Rafe knew this and decided to stick around. Of course, not being my boyfriend, I wasn't allowed to go out past 8. Not to any party or bonfire by the beach. I was also busy with school and starting my job as a planner to make time for him. That was bad on my part and we had a lot of fights because of it. I also didn’t like going out much, more of a homebody.
“Fine, but one at home date” He whispers okay. “No Pogue talk unless necessary” We need to talk about the important things first.
“Got it.” He smiled at that?. “When Francine is present you give me my place,” I roll my eyes.
“She is a strong woman but I promise.” I would defend him when need be and when it's reasonable. “but if I have to throw myself against her you have to promise not to back down when not only Francine stands against you” my parents can be a handful too. I watch as he stands up placing his hand on his chest. I laughed mostly because the boat was rocking unsteadily. “Rafe!” I hold on looking up at him again.
“It isn’t what we say or think that defines us, but what we do,” I stood up carefully and was shocked at his words.
“You don’t know Shakespeare but you do Jane Austen?”
“You left a copy of her book behind and I got bored,” I rolled my eyes knowing that wasn’t true. “But back to my confession,” I look back as we try our hardest to stay steady. “I will prove to them that I am willing to be someone they see worthy of you.” I walk closer, placing my arms around his neck.
“The only opinion you need is mine, and I think you are worthy” I whisper as he lowers his head to meet mine.
“I have seen enough!” I turn around shocked but only to see a blurry Francine at shore screaming towards me. “Get back here young lady!” Those were the only clear words heard before Rafe and I went flying into the water. My body resurfaced laughing at the action. I look around finding Rafe swimming towards me.
“Am not ready to face the world yet” I smile hopeful towards him.
“And am not ready to face Francine yet so how about we row away?” I nod turning towards the boat. “You don’t have a curfew?” I groan hearing his laugh from behind me. He pushes me up and I slide into the boat.
“Never got to be a rebel teen, I think I have some headaches to make up for,” I turn to help him climb in.
“Then let's go.” he smiles, taking his place and rowing away. “This is not a good look on my part.” He laughs looking back at Francine. “Will definitely be hearing about this,”
“Such a bad influence,” I grin looking at him. “Guess what?” His eyes sparkled hearing my giddy tone.
“I saved your beer” My grin grows bigger as he laughs. I throw him the can and with ease he catches it.
“That's my girl” his girl.
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kingwaino · 12 days ago
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i have done...an absolute deep dive into blues and folk music tonight. it was 100% one of those blink and three hours have passed type of deals. worth it though.
#be warned if you go into the tags i will explain how this all came up. educational but long!#so it started with two questions. mostly because i live in the ozarks i wanted to know and secondly i like music if you haven't caught on#(btw i am so giving you guys the quick and easy version if you are reading this at all)#anyway. the first question was 'why does the ozarks have such a country influence but also bluegrass but also blues but also folk but al-'#because while i grew up in stl i am now like. living living in the ozarks right? right. and i for sure can see how we are the like...#the little sibling of the appalachian mountains. and i thought it was just cause aw cute mini mountains (highlands people)#but instead its cause there were settlers from appalachia! which makes a ton of sense now seeing influences and culture etc etc#so we cleared up that. we know why the ozarks is the way it is (or at least part of it)#btw anyone who says branson is a “true reflection” of the ozarks is out of their damn minds.#that shit is tourist central and just drives me up the wall. they are playing a parody of themselves is the best way to describe it#caricature maybe??? point is. “h'yuck h'yuck we're the country jubilee!” is not uhhhh ozarks and never was?#like it was but they took it a step further. so. anyway#can you tell i'm fixated on this right now? moving on! question 2 was quite literally 'what genre is this song'#it's 'fault line' by black rebel motorcycle club (which i highly suggest everyone listen to)#but i was like hmmm very bluesy harmonica but just fingerpicking guitar so that's more folksy#so! i went on a deep dive of what technically considers blues blues and what folk is. and guess what! the ozarks play into this too#because! the thing is that the ozarks is weird. st louis is technically not in the ozarks but on the outskirts. and stl is influenced by...#the mississippi delta! therefore blues music which led to rock and roll etc#(that's a whole other tangent for another day on stl and blues and rock and roll)#but anyway it makes sense that once you have folks from stl area coming down to the ozarks then you also have that combo of...#mississippi delta and appalachia music. so then we go back to “fault line” right?#i have declared it folk mostly because it definitely doesn't follow traditional blues progression or call and response.#so anyway. deep dive tonight was basically what is this song's genre and how does that wrap into where i live!#which also. brmc is like...usually listed as a “rock” band from san francisco which hey! awesome.#but like. from the songs i've heard and especially causing me to do this deep dive...they do not strike me as a californian band#music is cool! regions are cool! culture is cool! i just like to see how it's all spread out ya know?#if you've read this far gold star! i hope you've learned something tonight from reading the ramblings of a fixated person#i'm rambling again aren't i
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roomba-mangga · 3 months ago
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taking a little break from writing for a few days to cool down the brain but first... yaad&thistle au fic preview under the cut. this is clocking in at 12k atm, i haven't finished drafting all the scenes yet, but i am deeply enjoying this one.
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#context: yaad Attempts Diplomacy. thistle finds this offensive. curses him to be an old man in a petty fit.#(side note thistle here is sort of in between his pre-dungeon self and his far-gone dungeon lord self)#however in this au he's in exile and trying to curry favor with delgal which means playing nice with his grandson#so now he's like ah shit that was. random. <3 i can undo it <33 you didnt tell grandpa about this did you#yaad should get a little fed up as an old man. as a treat#they're incredibly fun to write so far... the thing is they do resonate on a similar wavelength once they reach a point of civility#theyve got this shared Servant Of The People mentality it's just a matter of finding common ground wrt how to effectively go about that#thistle runs the world but yaad governs it too (delgal is um. comatose) so. figure it out. chop chop#once they do hit that stride though it's like unclogging your windpipe. kind of nice#that aside their experiences and struggles overlap sm it's so ripe for exploration#lots of scenes discussing Adult Matters while playing house like kids with dolls#not rlly knowing how to make sense of their lives and the world around them bc they have no healthy/Real frame of reference#(psychological trauma?? in MY golden country??? it's normal to constantly dissociate but okay)#but knowing for certain that they have Obligations and duties to fulfill... theyre doing their best your honor#i'm such a thistle & yaad shill rn i think i mightve come off as a hater in another post but oughh they are Everything#anyway tangent over i just needed to yap a bunch before my 2 day break shfjkhkf#roomba writes#dungeon meshi fic#thistle & yaad#thistle#yaad
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faggotcitosis · 2 days ago
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to everybody seeing this: do not take a single thing this person said seriously or any of the insane person in the notes telling you to move to the fucking NORTHEAST or the NORTH, the poorest part of the country, most underveloped, worst access to healthcare and who posesses one of the highest rates for lgbt violence. 9 out of the 15 most violent brazilian capitals for lgbt people are in the north and northeast
you are incredibly more better off just moving to a blue state than immigrating to ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY that has NOTHING in common with your country of origin
the information irt immigration is correct, it is very easy to immigrate here
private healthcare and education is way more accessible when compared to the usa but to locals is still extremely expensive. you will only find it cheap because you earn in usd. minium wage is around R$1400, that's around $280 a month. if you work an USD work from home job you might be able to swing it but it still doesn't fix everything
if you do not speak the language, it will be very difficult. my girlfriend moved here 3 years ago and i still go with her to doctor appts w her because it's incredibly dififcult to communicate medically when you don't speak the language
cultural differences aside, purchasing power in brazil is a lot lower in the usa and you do not have access to a lot of ammenities. to me personally that is not important, but i know for usamericans living here they miss a lot of the commodity (drive thrus, having a car, anything eletronic wise, commodities, pre made food or pre made anything, temperature controlled houses - most ppl do not have ac, no dryer, no dishwasher, i can go on forever and ever). some differences in work culture: there rarely exist part time jobs, it's not like in usa where you work by the hour, (in most jobs) you work by month and your wage is fixed by month, you do not have sick days (only if you have a doctors note to excuse your absence) or can take a day off whenever you want like in the usa...
i love brazil and i prefer here than the usa any day, but access to healthcare, education and social services is HIGHLY dependant on city/region. most immigrants tend to settle in larger cities/metropolis because they need to be able to access the embassy (there's 5 usa embassies in the whole country) and immigration services, in which the quality of life is not good. i cannot go into all the differences in one post, but i hope this is enough to illustrate. abortion is illegal and will not be legal any time soon. brazil is the highest ranking country for lgbt violence - this doesn't mean it's the most dangerous to exist as a queer person, there's way worse places and we still have it really good, and part of the reason the numbers are so high is for sure because there's channels to report and there's organizations that process that data. but it's not this beautiful dream irresponsible people are painting as
i cannot stress this enough: life in a blue state will always be better than immigrating to a third world country you do not know , do not speak the language, don't know anybody who can support you and is very distant culturally. it doesn't matter how bad it is in the united states, you will not be better off here when blue states exist
and to op and the dumb people in the notes: how the fuck do you come online and lie to people in a vulnerable moment like this? with half truths and dishonesty about the actual situation in brazil rn? how our economy is tanked as well? how inflation is also bad? the only truth any of you said is that yes, it is easy to immigrate to brazil
Hey everyone, given the recent news and all, I imagine some people might be considering leaving the country if the hostility aimed towards and the loss of rights of women and the LGBT+ community keeps on increasing during this second Trump presidency. Immigration is an extremely bureaucratic process in most countries, though, so if I could suggest a potential alternative, easier way out of the US if it ever comes to a point where such a thing would be needed, Brazil, my home country, is particularly friendly and considered a “model country” when it comes to our laws regarding requests of asylum. For example, people who apply for a refugee status in Brazil:
 • Have a very good chance of being granted it. Just last year, over 77 000 people were granted asylum in Brazil [1]
 • Are almost never under the risk of being deported, even if they came to Brazil under unregulated means and/or under fake documents [2]
 • Have the benefit of a very straightforward, 100% free of charge process to apply for asylum that doesn’t require a lawyer and can be done almost fully online through filling a form on a website, with the exception of getting a physical copy of your application process at the nearest federal police station [3] and
 • While getting an official refugee status can take a long time (sometimes up to two years in certain cases), just by being officially registered as being in the process of obtaining said status, asylum-seekers have the right to obtain “temporary” valid Brazilian IDs, a legal work permit and also are granted rights identical to those of Brazilian citizens, such as the right to free education, free healthcare, and social assistance. Apart from having to renew those documents once a year, these privileges are never revoked [4]
Most importantly though, the Brazilian Refugee law of 1997 defines a person eligible to obtain refugee status as being, between other criteria, someone who
“has well-founded fears of persecution for reasons of race, religion, nationality, social group or political opinions, finds themselves outside their country of nationality and is unable or unwilling to seek the protection of that country” [5] which includes members of the LGBT+ community, as it’s explicitly stated in the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees website that
“Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex people may be eligible for refugee status [in Brazil] on the grounds of persecution due to membership in a particular social group. UNHCR recommends that people who are subject to harm, inhuman treatment or serious discrimination because of their sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression or intersex status and whose governments are unable or unwilling to protect them should be granted refugee status.” [6]
To sum it up… if things escalate to the point where you feel like you’d be safer leaving the US than staying in it, Brazil is one country that would welcome you practically immediately. Tumblr tends to bury posts with links so I’ll add sources on a reblog, along with more information.
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purgemarchlockdown · 1 year ago
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The temptation to vague about something in the milgram-confessions blog because its something thats bothered me for Actual Years about certain fandoms vs letting it go because when it is brought up its actually done somewhat tastefully and reasonably which makes me happy and this anon probably didnt mean it in the incredibly bad faith way I keep on seeing it be repeated so really Im getting upset over nothing.
#the answer is: ramble a bit in the tags just to get it out of my system#for some elaboration: Im asian! I have a knee jerk reaction when people go 'the westerners are projecting their values onto the east again'#because 9/10 of the times someone does that they're an American who wants to justify their weird racism/homophobia#by using the idea that asian countries (especially Japan) are backwards and/or ignorant but disguising it as 'being mindful of their cultur#and also then homogenizing them and pretending their all a monolith to be assholes to people!#and/or completely dismiss any possible criticism or interpretation for a series as a cultural values thing#this one fucks me up especially because usually there IS Merit in those interpretations/criticisms#but a concerning amount of people then go 'oh your just pushing your cultural values onto them' as a smokescreen to be a bunch of assholes#and/or discredit their ideas because Clearly All (insert x group here) think EXACTLY THE SAME and BELIEVE FULLY in whatever cultural#idea their using to justify this behavior#Ive Seen actual good discussion on differences in culture!#especially in another fandom of mine#but the worse option has happened so much that when I hear someone say those words alarm bells start ringing#its bad faith! I know its bad faith! But Ive engaged the worse option in good faith and came out wanting to punch someone A Lot More#Ive seen actually good faith discussions of cultural difference in this fandom sometimes! Its really nice but It scares me#cause im just Waiting for Someone to come in and ruin it#can you guys tell ive seen too many bad anime video essays? Ive seen too many bad anime video essays.
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thewingedwolf · 2 years ago
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i hate the way people will say the most out of pocket nonsense about Latinos in the US and then act surprised when people say they’ve got some racism issues. “oh if it weren’t for the fact that people in the USA hate everyone with ancestry from Latin America, lock Latino children in cages even under democratic presidents, and regularly hop on tv to call all Latinos evil rapists and murderers, they’d all be considered white” yeah no SHIT if literally every aspect of how Latinos in the US are racialized was different, they would be racially categorized in a different way, that is a very intelligent thing to say about race relations and doesn’t at all exacerbate issues thanks you are so wise and educated and learned
#i followed someone on here that did this too. like ‘i can’t be racist against latinos bc a lot of them are white’ firstly if u start calling#italians dirty immigrants who have too many kids someone is going to rightly call u a bigot it doesn’t *matter* the race of the person if#you are purposefully engaging in bigotry against that person bc of their ethnicity! and SECONDLY#like…a lot of asians are light skinned a lot of indigenous people are white a lot of arabs look white etc etc#every group has a lot of variance bc people are varied. just bc a large swatch of arabs ‘look white’ doesn’t mean they are treated that way#it is not different with latinos. you are zeroing in on this specific group to justify your ‘i don’t hate latinos i just think they should#live with Their People and not with My People’ racism bc you think hating another minority will gain you privilege with white supremacy.#they are trying to coup several countries right now bc this country views latin america as it’s fucking war games playground do not talk to#me about privilege that latinos apparently have when my aunt was frantically telling students to keep their parents from work bc there was#a fucjing ice raid going on in the city!!!!!!!! fuck you genuinely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#rani makes text posts no one will read#also the way people will pretend like latinos are the *only* voting block of poc that vote conservative. EVERY SINGLE VOTING BLOCK DOES THIS#TO SOME EXTENT. YES EVEN YOURS SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP YOU MORON#COME AND ACTUALLY INTERACT WITH THE BORICUAS AND MEXICANOS AND CUBANOS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BEFORE SPOUTING OFF ABOUT THEIR WHITE PRIVILEGE#L O O K AT THE WAY THE COPS TREAT US THE GOVERNMENT TREATS US OUR NEIGHBORS *LIKE YOU* TREAT US#THEN YOU CAN RUN YOUR MOUTH
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sg-the-mag-by · 20 hours ago
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Yes! This is good to see another side of fairy World and how maybe it's failing more kids than helping them especially in the modern age with so many young fairies now becoming Godparents like Peri.
Or it's always failed Godkids but Cosmo and Wanda were the outliers because 1. They wanted a family of their own so badly but the fairy baby ban prevented that so instead they "adopted" all their godkids as their own, and 2. They have caused a lot of havoc for Jorgen(Cosmo being the main reason he and Wanda lost Crocker, then years later becoming so attached to Timmy he was basically their son more than any Godkid they'd ever had so pulling the family away was both a headache and heartache for Jorgen) by not always following Da Rules so when they retired we actually see how bad Da Rules are.
Also can I just say, for all the love and care Juandissimo spouted having for Remy, you gotta admit he failed Remy by not being a father figure to him, instead just making all of Remy's wishes come true that in turn almost lead to the death of not only two fairies but could have also accounted for the death of three children(which again feeds into this fairy mindset of "make as many wishes as possible and not really question them unless they are fully against Da Rules). Maybe Remy finally realized this by the time we see him for the last time with his parents in Country Clubbed, he realized that he'd never get parental love even from his godfather so he resigned himself to this life, Juandissimo was permanently taken away, and we can only hope Remy turned out a better adult than his parents and only because he realized it on his own and just found a better outlet for his anger, sadness, and lack of familial connection. I know people see Juandissimo and Remy as a good match, but never once did these two give me "they are father and son" vibes like Cosmo and Timmy did, and isn't that what Remy needed over being bent on revenge to a kid who didn't even care about Remy's life style and would have actually been the perfect friend to him?
Now yes Timmy finding so many loopholes did cater to many of the news ways certain wishes have to be granted(time based wishes going through Father Time, nature based through Mother Nature, and of course love ones through Cupid) BUT I will stand my ground that Timmy was kinda the final nail in the coffin for Fairies to actually make these rules(you cannot tell me that a little girl causing WW1 did NOT have the fairies reconsidering plenty of wishes if she was able to take out a human-probably the reason you can't wish physical harm on anyone like how Timmy was trying to do to Chip Skylark before he really got to know his big brother figure(yes I will die on the hill that over the years they saw each other as brothers and Chip even helped Timmy get his ear pierced).
So, having Peri get personal lessons on how being a fairy works from Jorgen, plus with all the changes to Da Rules(which in Battle of the Dimmasonian we even see Peri question Da Rules when it came to Viozalea) not to mention he was a really young kid when he left Timmy and his parents handled Timmy's emotional side while Peri just helped grant Timmy's wishes or just was being his baby brother.
Peri also fearing he'd make his Uncle Jorgen sad by failing him(over making his parents sad since to him they never saw any flaw, which if we get a Season 2 I REALLY want to know what happened between Cosmo, Wanda, and Peri leaving Timmy to Cosmo and Wanda going on their time traveling 10,000 year vacation, to Peri getting his Godparenting license up to where A New Wish starts. Like Peri decided instead of becoming a Fairy Dentist to follow in his parents "footsteps" and become a Godparent but not seek them out for any help in his studies or ask them questions about how they dealt with different kids.) is very viable for him since Jorgen and Tooth probably helped with Peri's schooling while Cosmo and Wanda were on their vacation.
Also with Cookie's ideal ways of wishing, I wonder how many of her previous Godkids went back to being miserable once she left because she just grants what SHE thinks they want over what they need and she'd only be with kids for barely a year because she gives them all this stuff, but what if she was assigned to a kid who was similar to Timmy or Dev, neglectful parents(or worse actually abusive) and would not take any of her "precious time" to sit and talk to her godkid and comfort them like how a real parent would(probably not realizing how bad the parents were unless she would see actual bruises on them but just magic them away). Even if these kids were able to wish themselves out of those homes(which could the modern day Rules even do that?) they would still be heavily effected by whatever happened only now that they were deemed "safe" by Cookie's and Da Rules' standards she'd leave them and just go on to the next kid.
You think Peri met her and even once questioned her methods and how different they were to his parents? Then again he'd probably just think this was how things were done today for Godkids and not even question it, until-you know, he finally saw his parents again and slowly started realizing what Dev needed, but it was too little too late.
Okay sorry I rambled here but I LOVE now picking out how Peri, and Jorgen, were setting Dev up to keep being miserable and if we get a season 2, even if Dev kept his memories but doesn't keep Peri, will he resign himself to knowing he'll never get his dad's love and affection or will he get an actual competent Godparent. I've seen people suggest Juandissimo buuut unless he did a LOT of soul searching I'm not thrilled if they go that route. But, I would think the writers could revisit the concept of two different kids sharing the same Godparent, ie Hazel and Dev share Cosmo and Wanda. With actual care put into the writing this could work, especially since while both need the emotional support Cosmo and Wanda give, Hazel needs it more to calm herself and have cool adventures while Dev needs it to find out who he is when not living in his dad's shadow and generational trauma(looking at YOU Doug Dimmadome owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome!).
And done. Thank you.
It’s so weird to me that some people put at least part of the blame for Peri’s behavior and mistakes on Jorgen. Yes, he may be responsible for his attitude towards work and rules, but certainly not for his attitude towards Dev himself.
Some compare Dev to Timmy and wonder why Peri didn't cheer him up then on his birthday(after all, he could have seen his brother Timmy in him). And they forget that 13-14 WHOLE years have passed (and 20 years in total). His personality could have changed beyond recognition since he was a child. Yes, yes, children tend to grow up and change depending on their upbringing and environment (and sometimes not always for the better). That's why I'm so interested to know what kind of childhood Irep and Peri had.
Peri was raised by loving and caring parents who often see only the good in him. And Irep was also raised by parents who love and care but are more distant, giving him more personal space. And if Cosmo and Wanda mostly see only the good in Peri, A.Wanda and A.Cosmo mostly see only the bad in Irep. But not in the way that many might think. After all, they are anti-fairies. So.. of course they saw him as their distributor of chaos (lovingly). While at school and everyone else saw only the bad in Irep, but already in a negative way for him. Irep always lived with the thought deep in his head that he was only the worst half of his fairy counterpart and all the time tried to prove the opposite. Therefore, he constantly tried to present himself in the best light in his typical manner…
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radicallicious · 2 years ago
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#i feel so so stupid#the person in question is a man and i'll name him dan#like a month ago i accepted dan's friend request on facebook because we're both members of an ace attorney group#he's an admin in the group and posts very often. he draws nice and his memes are funny#he sent me a text in messenger out of the blue after liking a post of me where i was sad about my situation as an uni student and blah blah#i thanked him and i thought that'd be all but he texted me again and i'm not someone who ignores people just like that so i kept replying#but because i'm an idiot i gave him my whatsapp number so now he texts me every day#dan doesn't look like a bad man but... i've started to feel uncomfortable when talking to him#he says things like 'you're pretty' 'i like drawing your hair' and i just nod and smile because UGH.#I'M TOO NICE AND I DON'T HAVE IT IN MY TO TELL HIM I DON'T LIKE IT#he's like 30 y/o and from another country and he is going bald... 💀#i checked his old pictures on his profile and i want to know what the heck happened for him to age poorly#if i'm honest... i don't really want to talk to him again but how should i tell him? i know the solution is:#'it's been nice getting to know you but you make me uncomfortable and you're old and bald. you shouldn't be texting a 22 y/o woman. bye'#but the stupid part of my brain that is doing all the thinking is afraid of confronting dan and coming off as a brat#yet i know i owe him nothing and should speak up...#*deep sigh*#personal
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itachikun · 1 year ago
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hm. ngl id love for racist argentines football fans to get decked by the antifas torcidas organizadas
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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years ago
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I should neverrr have accepted this shift. Literally every problem I have would be irrelevant if I didn’t have to go to work today
#guys it is fucking SNOWING in MARCH. we have got flurries and we have got 2 inches already on the ground#and ya girl works ✨at an extremely remote nature preserve which is accessible only by a winding country road that will PROBABLY NOT BE#GRITTED and also who the fuck is going to visit in this weather?? 90% of the activities you can do there involve BEING OUTSIDE#(the other 10% is gift shop and food; the latter of which i am partly responsible for. but like. realistically does anyone go there for food#it’s more like you’re there anyway and you get hungry so you might as well have a coffee and/or a sandwich. we are not starbucks. no one is#coming to me for a machine cappucino and then just leaving because they got everything they came for. it’s more like you come to see some#wildlife and then you see me in my apron looking bored next to a coffee machine and a display of cakes and you think ‘might as well’#the only people coming here specifically for food and then leaving are the people who buy the too good to go bags#and even THEY usually hang out on the reserve a bit. like. you’re here. might as well go see a gannet or two)#so????? to summarise i don’t even know if we’re open today. nobody tells me anything. plus my shift doesn’t even start until 11:30 anyway#my mom’s friend who lives close by is doing a reccy for me but i can’t imagine she’ll find anything pertinent unless she goes at opening#time; which isn’t for another hour#i’ve formed a plan. if no one calls me by 9:45 (past opening time) i’m going to call them and be like ‘hey i’m not coming in; i can’t#physically get there. my village hasn’t been gritted [true] and is basically an ice rink and i’m worried if i get there i might just be#stuck there [also true]. record it as an unpaid absence if you want because i’m not sick or anything’#i’d literally be amazed if they opened tbh. like we’ll get zero customers. they’d have to pay me ~£50 if i went in and will they even make#£50??? a very good question. PLUS there’s two other people working in the cafe with me. and my manager. that’s like.. a solid £200 of wages#on a day when we’d be unlikely to get enough customers to make £200. no way they’ll open; and if they do they won’t want me to come in#like girl what is the point of me coming in to cover the lunch service if we’re basically not going to DO a lunch service lmao#i shouldn’t have accepted this shift when it was offered to me. i should’ve been like ‘no girl i can’t because i don’t want to ❤️#good luck tho’#anyway. we’ll see what happens i guess#personal
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