#they were like. the only people i DID feel comfortable talking fully freely with.

[altruistic-meme]

back to the issue of not feeling able to talk freely with anyone in my family :'))))) woohoo.

[bodyhopper-files]

Impersonating Ashton

When I found out I could possess other people's bodies, my first target was an obvious one. Ashton Keller—the blonde-haired jock with an athlete's physique who always seemed to enjoy tormenting me in school. So, I thought what better way to get even than to take over his body?

But as soon as I entered and felt the power of his bulging biceps and oozing charisma, I realized my plans had shifted. Being Ashton Keller was intoxicating; his confidence was thorough and his sexuality was primal. I wanted this sensation for myself, not just temporarily, but forever.

With Ashton's killer smile and imposing physique, I had an indescribable sense of power that only added to my determination: I was going to steal his body and life permanently.

I began to use my powers to manipulate those around me so they would think I was Ashton, and it was even easier than I expected. People believed what I said and trusted me when I used Ashton's face and borrowed freely from his sterling reputation in town.

I made sure to research Ashton's life as much as possible as I fully assumed his identity; I had to know everything about him if I wanted people to think I was really him. From his favorite team sports, hobbies, attitude and behavior—I needed to be able to mimic them all flawlessly.

For hours upon hours each day, I practiced in front of a mirror perfecting my impersonation of the cocky jock.

I practiced his mannerisms, his innate gestures and movements. I practiced the way he walked, always strutting along with a swagger that turned heads. I imagined my feet were springs and let the athletic energy of each step flow through my body while I looked straight ahead, not at the ground like I usually did when walking.

Then it was time to practice talking. Ashton had a certain smoothness when he talked—it was as if every word was carefully chosen—and I wanted to make sure I could imitate it perfectly. So, whenever someone tried to start up a conversation with me, instead of nervously stumbling over my words as usual, I answered with a confident, effortless flow that left people mesmerized and attracted.

As I continued to practice Ashton's smirk, grin, laugh and even his signature move—the quick flick of his head to the side and a playful bounce of the pecs, sure to catch anyone's attention—I was starting to feel more and more like him. I had become so comfortable in his body that I could no longer tell the difference between us.

Soon enough, I began following Ashton's daily routine as if it were my own. I started wearing clothes just like he did, lifting weights in the gym to build up muscle mass, and even began eating the same food he ate. I also made sure to go to all the same parties and social events that Ashton attended, so I could become a master of adaptation in any situation.

Every night before bed, I would read from Ashton’s journal, browse through his phone, and dig through the files on his computer to learn everything that I could about him which he might have otherwise held private.

Every detail of my new identity had been meticulously examined until I felt comfortable enough to test it in the open—at first with small things such as ordering food at a café while using Ashton's distinct voice and practiced grin, or chatting with his friends in passing about the recent game like I was a lifelong fan.

The more I got into the swing of things, the more I embraced my new self. It felt like second nature to me now and I knew by committing myself so completely to this new life, no one could ever know that it hadn't always been mine.

One year later, I had fully assumed a new life for myself being Ashton Keller, the sexy, confident jock. I had come a long way from my original, awkward self and no trace remained of my former identity as I had completely taken over Ashton's body and life.

People around me never questioned me or suspected that the real Ashton was someone else entirely; nobody knew but me.

And I never looked back.

THE END

[misc-obeyme]

His Hidden Heart

Well I sat down to write the next daily chat scene and ended up with this instead. I'll probably do another daily chat scene in the next couple of days. I was thinking of doing Diavolo next?

Anyway, I'm just thinking about Barbatos all day every day, that's all. One of the things that's interesting to me about him is that he's always got this calmness. Like he sometimes expresses emotions, but it's usually pretty mild. So this is about him getting comfortable enough to open up more. Also, I've always loved the way he likes to take care of people, but I often think about what it would take for him to let someone else take care of him for once.

And I don't know what exactly this is, but I wanted to try a different format. I think I'm gonna put it in the ficlets section of the masterlist but it's kind of its own thing.

GN!MC x Barbatos

Warnings: mostly fluff but a little angst and some crying

For so long, all you saw was the serene expression - the gentle smile, the occasional frown, the rare undercurrent of anger. But it was always tempered, always restrained. And you really thought it had more to do with how old and powerful Barbatos was than anything else. He had been through and seen so much, certainly there wasn't anything that truly made him feel strongly anymore.

And yet, as you got to know him, you started seeing little glimpses of more. Bit by bit, you saw more pieces of him and it made you realize that it wasn't that Barbatos didn't feel strongly. It was only that he didn't express those feelings freely.

You couldn't begin to guess why he was like this. Was it just that he wanted to maintain a stoic butler persona? Was it the result of having lived for so long that emotions seemed to have dulled, no longer warranting full expression? Was there some unresolved trauma of the past (present? future?) that caused him to keep everything under wraps?

You might never learn the truth. Maybe one day, if you felt like you could ask, he would tell you. But even if he never did, you were okay with that. Because your presence slowly but surely drew him out from behind that protective mask he always wore.

The two of you were alone in the garden having tea, fully engaged in conversation. He wasn't animated exactly, but he was talking openly in a way he normally doesn't. You don't even remember what you said, but you will never forget the way he suddenly laughed. It wasn't the usual amused chuckle. He put down his teacup, threw his head back, and laughed. He looked so absolutely delighted that you couldn't help laughing, too. At some point, he covered his face with a gloved hand, embarrassed at the way he couldn't seem to hold in his mirth. It took several minutes for the two of you to catch your breath. Barbatos had to actually wipe away tears from the corners of his eyes.

You had gone to the market together to do some shopping and while Barbatos had been absorbed in the different types of tea that were for sale, you wandered off. You were looking at various things and got a little distracted, going much farther away than you realized. When you looked around, you weren't exactly sure where you were or how to get back to where you needed to be. And then you heard Barbatos calling your name, an edge to his voice that almost sounded frantic. You followed the sound until you found him again. The moment he saw you, his face flooded with relief. He surprised you by putting his arms around you and holding you close for a moment. Long enough for you to hear the rapid beating of his heart.

You were a little confused about how frequently you were getting messages from Barbatos over one particular weekend. You had been spending your time at the House of Lamentation like you normally did, getting into various trouble with the brothers while you were off from school. But it seemed like every hour you got a new message from Barbatos on your D.D.D. They were mostly about nothing. Some questions about your day, a reminder about upcoming school projects, asking for your advice about a type of human world cake he was planning on making. You remembered that Diavolo was somewhere else on business that weekend and that Barbatos was likely alone in the castle (not counting the little Ds). Was he reaching out to you so often because he was lonely? You decided to just stop by for a surprise visit. The smile that greeted you when he opened the door indicated you had been right.

Everybody knew that you weren't currently in a relationship with anyone. There were a lot of rumors at RAD about who you might be secretly dating, but none of it was actually true. And those close to you knew this was the case. They also knew who you seemed to be slowly falling for, but nobody said anything about it. You weren't in denial, but you were certain it was unrequited. There was no doubt that Barbatos cared about you, but you didn't think it was in any capacity other than as a friend. It was just the two of you sitting together on a bench on the RAD grounds and you found yourself feeling a little bold. Not enough to tell him directly, so you only said that you thought you were in love. You watched his face carefully as you said it and so you caught the look of utter heartbreak that passed across it. It was an expression full of anguish that surprised you so much you gasped. But it was gone in seconds, replaced by the usual placid smile which disarmed you enough that you allowed him to change the subject.

Diavolo invited you over to the castle to have dinner with him. You found yourself at the dining table with him, a plethora of food spread out before you. He told you that Barbatos had made everything, but that he couldn't join you as he had his own business to attend to. You wondered what that meant, but didn't question it. You enjoyed dinner with Diavolo, chatting and laughing, generally having a good time. On your way home, you spotted Barbatos on his way back to the castle. He didn't know you were there, didn't know you could see him. He stopped briefly, clearly deep in thought. The expression on his face could only be described as lost or hopeless. Or both. You wanted to run to him, to embrace him, to kiss away the frown. But he didn't know you were there and soon enough he went inside the castle.

A normal day. A quiet day. Nothing to distract you, nothing to cause you concern. Everything was peaceful for once. All it took was a single moment. You had expected something grand, a final declaration, a sort of culmination of everything you had been feeling for so long. Instead, it was an unexpected reaction. When all you did was reach for him in a moment of need to find him waiting. And while you had seen Barbatos express plenty of emotions by this point, you were still completely blown away by the love you saw there in his eyes. When he finally let you see it, you wondered how you could ever think your own feelings weren't returned.

It was no secret that Barbatos did not like rats. You had seen him go to extreme lengths to eliminate them from anywhere he thought they may have taken up residence. And while he was certainly aggrieved whenever one showed up, you didn't fully understand what he was feeling until much later. When he seemed to be comfortable enough to let you see all of his emotional range, the reality of his reaction to rats became clear. He was afraid of them. You watched the terror that flashed across his face when one was near. You stepped in every time. You convinced him to let you take care of it. You were just as capable of dealing with rats as he was. As long as you were around, you would make sure you never saw that terrified look again.

You knew that Barbatos was having a rough week. Things had been going wrong left and right. He'd had to spend a lot of time cleaning up messes and setting things to rights on top of all the things he normally did. You could see it in his face as he got slightly more tired every day until by the end, you knew he really needed some rest. So that weekend, you took yourself over to the Demon Lord's Castle to surprise him with a homemade breakfast. You got there ridiculously early in order to have it done by the time he woke up. You brought a tray full of pancakes and tea to his room where you found him just as he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He stared at you in surprise as you explained what you had done, setting the tray down on the bedside table for him. He looked at you for a moment and then his eyes filled with tears. You were next to him in a heartbeat, putting your arms around him. He collapsed into you, crying softly. You couldn't believe it. You had never once seen him cry. But your kindness after the stress of his week allowed him to finally let go. He was safe to break down in your arms.

Such moments with Barbatos had seemed few and far between in the beginning. It took some time for him to trust you, to reveal to you his hidden heart. You had always felt as though he had to take care of you and all your emotions. But now you were able to take care of him as well, to be that safety, that shelter. And while your favorite thing was to see him laugh, genuinely and brightly, you would always be there to hold him when he needed to cry, too.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[pandorafallz]

Lest We Rest Upon Our Graves | C22

Ri’nela knew searching through Eywa for comfort was not often done to tend to a long-standing problem, not only for comfort but to try and find more of their people and ways of the Sarentu through Eywa had been her task and duty since their escape. She had little to build upon and yet, she had to build.

Even if the foundations were sand. Shifting sand which made it all the harder to build upon. Her constant had been her friends; the remaining few of her clan and working with the resistance. They only had each other which had been a good solid start. Like stone. But it crumbled into the sand as the churning waters of truth and grief struck through.

Nor was gone, abandoning them. Teylan had run off back to Mercer which only churned their waters up and then… Cortez. Cortez who had been there from the very beginning with a sledgehammer to force them from their foundations and away from their people and pretended like she had no part in it. Abandoning them for sixteen years in cold sleep. Not checking in. Not seeing the possibilities of life that the human woman wanted to leave behind.

An unfired bowl would leak sooner or later.

What a leak it was and it left Ri’nela struggling now to keep up with the flow. It was exhausting work. Even with Teylan back, she felt she couldn’t trust him. Not fully but she wanted to one day. She had hoped today, they’d finally get headway with the leak that Cortez had left behind. That the woman would stop running away from them and face the reality of her actions.

It was like a twist of cruel fate had decided not to allow them the chance.

Alma Cortez was dead.

Just… gone into nothing. Vanished into the forest. A human that would not be saved by Eywa to speak to after death either. Not one of the people. Never was.

Ri’nela hated how much it hurt now, not the personal loss that she pushed away from feeling but the hurt that Cortez didn’t tell them that she was dying. More secrets and now, they were left bleeding from them again. She didn’t want her heart to bleed for Cortez. Not after everything, not after the secrets. Not after dying without so much of a final goodbye. She shouldn’t have to grieve for her.

Yet she felt her body try despite her mind’s refusal.

“<Ri’nela.>” The familiar voice of Minang echoed before she felt the soft touch on her shoulder. She sighed deeply, stamping down her mild frustration at the interruption but she… was glad it wasn’t Kìoetey or Teylan. Kìoetey was... far too forgiving right now on the account of Cortez’s death that it angered her. Teylan was… not there in the way she needed him to be.

She could talk more freely to a Tsahìk

Ri’nela sat back, pulling her mind back and separating her connection to the Great Mother. Minang was crouched about three feet away, her expression soft but met her gaze.

“<I apologise for interrupting>” Minang started, “<So’lek mentioned you and the Sarentu will need spiritual and emotional guidance.>”

Ri’nela’s jaw flexed but… she supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. So’lek did care about them but some things he knew not to touch. She was glad for that. “<It’s nothing too concerning. Things will pass.>” Ri’nela said, “<There is nothing that can be done.>”

Minang head tilted. “<Death is nothing to be passed by so easily. If you do not allow yourself to feel of its effects, the shadow will always follow you. Hampering your personal growth as a person and as a Tsahìk. A Tsahìk must listen to Eywa and Eywa attend to our spirits after death.>”

“<There is no spirit to go to Eywa. Cortez was a human.>” Ri’nela stated.

“<But you feel grief from her death.>” It was a statement, the way the Tsahìk spoke but it felt very decisive.

“<I shouldn’t have to. After everything…>”

“<Grief has its layers, tied to the complexities of life. Grieving her death is only one layer of the loss. I do not know the details but So’lek mentioned she had helped raise you in the Sky people cages, but also was there when you were first taken. Sixteen years, you knew a version of her. Someone you know and connected to because there was no one else. Everyone must form attachments to survive. I won’t assume if she became the mother figure for you or not, but that is sixteen years of trust and care that came to an end when the truth came to light. Grief and pain come from severed connections. I cannot imagine how betrayed you felt.>”

Ri’nela’s tailed swished along the short grass, her gaze coming to stare at a bobbing woodsprite but she felt a dull heat in her gut and a tightening in her throat. “<I can’t forgive her>”

“<You cannot forgive her for her part in the Sarentu’s loss or her not mentioning her condition before her death?>”

Ri’nela nodded. “<Kìoetey’s probably forgiven her quickly now that she’s dead. How she spoke after coming back…>”

“<Despite the appearance, I do not believe that is the case, Ri’nela but… I am not here to talk about how Kìoetey has chosen to handle her grief.>”

“<I… What if Cortez died not telling us to try and earn redemption? It’s an easier way to get it.>”

“<She looked for means to recover but her death was unexpected, Ri’nela. You know this.>” Minang spoke patiently, “<She died knowing she was unforgiven and sought nothing to gain with that news.>”

“<You can’t know that. She was scared of us, Minang.>”

Minang let out a tense breath. “<Your anger is valued… but I see right now that you’re holding onto it too close to your heart. I cannot tell you how you must move on because that is not my journey but… to be a good Tsahìk to your clan, you have to be careful of how you keep it.>”

Ri’nela swallowed uneasily. She knew she had responsibilities as a leader and… she knew Minang was right but…

“<I don’t know how to let it all go. We lost our whole clan because of her and Mercer.>”

“<That pathway of loss will take years to walk down and you cannot rush it. Grief is not forgiveness, allow yourself to understand that. Forgiveness is a different road and you all the time to walk it. Allow yourself to mourn your losses, the Sarentu, the AlmaCortez you knew and one day, the true AlmaCortez. Grieve for yourself before you grieve for her..>” Minang’s hand came and settled on her chest. “<You are strong to have endured all that you have. You can allow yourself to rest that strength. There is no weakness in that.>”

Ri’nela could feel the heat return to her eyes, her throat thick and her breath shook before she closed her eyes.

-

Kìoetey was hesitant to return to the office but… at the very least she felt the need to actually check in with the other Eastern Resistance members beyond the woman now that they had plans. Teylan said he was going to get his things together, as little as he had, in preparation to leave for the Zeswa’s clan but Kìoetey wasn’t ready to go straight off like he was. Not yet. The resistance still needed them.

Getting closer, she paused as she heard voices talking among each other in a very intense conversation.

“… look here. Those signals are rapid… she must have been in a lot of pain..”

“Briefly, not unexpectantly, but the pain responses here decreased as sporadic activity spiked once the seizure kicked in. If anything, a seizure was triggered very quickly after the rupture. There’s no signs of consciousness after the seizure wains off and the blood starts to increase the pressure inside the skull... most likely falling into a coma first.”

Kìoetey’s gut tenses as she realised they were talking about Alma. Her condition. She found herself just listening, not interrupting the scientists.

“With the build-up of blood, that could have forced the brainstem down against the skull.” The second voice continued, very matter-oh-factly. “Do you think it could have been the cause of death over internal haemorrhaging? I’m inclined to believe that, even without a body to check.”

There was a heavy sigh. “It’s possible but there’s a lot of factors, Max. Maybe Hydrocephalus following the haemorrhage? The scanner did show blood within the cerebral fluid before the rupture.”

“She had a sentinel bleed days before. Nalin confirmed that. Death occurred far too quickly for that to be too much of a factor.”

There was a soft hiss of a wince. “Ouch.” There was a pause. “She should never have left the base after that. She should have been put onto bed rest and medically observed.”

“We can’t change what’s happened, Norm. Nalin is still learning how to run the medical bay. She’d newer to the role and to the Resistance than Dr Bashir. Plus, I don’t think it was the bleed that killed her. Look, the bleed is bad and I don’t doubt the severity of the bleed but… I’m concerned about how quickly she deteriorated. She died within six minutes of the rupture. Nalin mentioned she suffered facial paralysis and slurred speech. I think that cardiac arrest followed once the damage to the brainstem was too extensive. There was no saving her.”

There was a long pause as Norm took a heavy breath.

“Think she would have survived the procedure?”

“Given her scans here… probably not. Nalin’s running blood samples she took before her death so we should have some bio-data to go off without a body. It was mentioned she was on some Na’vi herbal remedies that apparently did nothing. I’m not so sure.”

“You think it could be a factor?”

“I think it’s always good to explore all avenues. Na’vi herbs in the human body linger a lot longer since our bodies process them a lot slower. If it affected her blood, then it could have thinned it enough to spread faster.”

“Still, it’s fascinating to see the post-death activity before activity ceased. It almost looks like she was dreaming. I don’t think we’ve had scans this detailed before…”

Kìoetey felt a little uneasy, a twisting discomfort in her gut the more she heard before she decided to enter, knocking lightly at a panel to let them know before she entered the space to see the Dreamwalker of Norm and Max was seated behind the desk, the monitors live with different imagines of Alma’s brain scans in different stages, One scan showed a lot of dark mass at the lower half, she could hazard a guess what the dark represented.

“Ah, Kìoetey.” Max quickly tapped the screen, minimising the images and turning it into a simple interface. “You look unwell. Are you okay?”

Kìoetey swallowed thickly. “I’m… planning to spend some time away from the resistance with the Zeswa with Teylan. I wanted to check in first and get an idea of… what’ll happen now.”

Norm nodded. “Of course. You’ve… been through a lot in a short amount of time. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened about.. your people and Alma’s death.”

“Did Alma ever mention us to you?”

“No. She mentioned she was part of an RDA program in the West but never went into detail. I did ask a few times about it but she always avoided the topic. I see why but… doesn’t make it right.”

Kìoetey inhaled softly. “She always did like her secrets.” She knew the Eastern crew knew little if Anqa of all people knew less of TAP but.. it made her sad to think about it.

“I think… I know this sounds bad and I’m not defending her at all but if Jake knew what she had been a part of, he would have had her sent back to Earth with the rest of the Sky People. She knew that.” Norm spoke, looking apologetic as he said this. “I’m sorry.”

Kìoetey shook her head. “I get it.” She did, unfortunately. A lie to keep her on the planet she loved despite the moral and ethical debacle of the TAP program in her shadow. She knew she was in the wrong to lie about it, gloss over the details enough to not stir up more questions. It was still 16 years of lying to the resistance.

“So’lek brought back some of Alma’s things from the station. We’ve decided to put them into storage unless there’s anything there you want to keep. Also, we’ve found some messages she left recorded for you.”

Kìoetey’s eyebrow pulled in. “Messages? Did she know?”

The two looked at each other before Norm spoke.

“I warned her that her survival chances in medical weren’t good and… encouraged her to leave a last message in the event of her death in the procedure. She made six messages. One for each of you and Alex and So’lek and… for us.” Norm gestured to himself. “She knew the risks of the surgery but was willing to take it.”

Kìoetey’s eyes widened. Her heart twinging. Alma had given them a chance to say goodbye? “You?”

“Generic things in terms of the resistance, updates she didn’t write down, the reburial of her avatar, that sort of thing. It’s all here.” Max patted the monitor softly. “Do you want to watch it?”

Kìoetey nodded softly. “Can you save them for me? I will watch it later and… give the others theirs when they’re ready.”

“Sure, this thumb drive okay? Or do you want it on the tablet?”

“Thumb drive.” Kìoetey decided, recognising the drive that Nalin had used a lot in terms of Alma’s data. Her medical file had been copied off by now, so… why not keep it herself? See what the data she had saved on there fully. It wasn’t like anyone else was going to use it.

Once they were done, she let them put it into a sealable plastic bag and handed it over. The drive was tiny in her hands but it felt like it had weight. She slipped it into her side pouch with a nod.

“Thank you.” She said, “How long are you staying?”

“A week. We’ve got to refuel, and keep an eye on the RDA patrols for a few days to ensure our way back’s all good.” Norm said.

“Let me know when you’re reburying the avatar. I can… help.” She knew why they’d rebury it; a new grave meant a more respectful one. It wouldn’t undo the damage that Jason and all his morons had done but it was an easier solution with some sense of respect restored. Since she had no part in Alma’s true body and Ri’nela had dealt with the avatar’s body before; she wanted to try and be there for this version, no matter how unpleasant it would be given it was still in active decay. She could put a mask on. Problem solved.

“Are-are you sure?”

“I… yes.” Perhaps it may offer some closure, maybe not but there was only one way to find out.

“We’ll radio you if you’re away,” Max said, reaching for a pen to write a note down, a reminder. “Did you want to help find a spot to rebury her or…”

Kìoetey hesitated, a part of her wanted to nod and say yes but she was surprised by her own reluctance. “I… ask me another day.” She opted to answer with. Perhaps it was still raw news but it was a lot to ask of her. Reburying the avatar was far simpler than choosing a place to rest its bones. It carried significant weight. Perhaps she wasn’t ready to bear it just yet. She had a minimum of a week to decide.

-

Ri’nela looked more at ease when Kìoetey next saw her return back into the base as she tended to Amay’s harness with the new weight of her belongings out back. Minang wasn’t with her but she considered their Tsahìk had opted to return to the clan first to prepare for their stay. She had seen the Tsahìk’s Ikran descend.

“<How are you feeling?>” Kìoetey asked, touching Ri’nela’s arm.

Ri’nela let out a heavy breath. “<Lighter. Minang has… a lot of wisdom.>”

Kìoetey relaxed considerably. “<I’m glad to hear it. Did she tell you of her offer to us?>”

“<She’s offered to help teach me along with her Tsakarem. I can learn a lot from her. I want to learn. Use her wisdom for guidance for our own.>” Ri’nela said. “<I’m glad to hear Teylan will be joining us. I didn’t expect that.>”

“<He’s… seeing a new side to human friends he doesn’t like. He’s… still trying to process it all. Not just Alma’s death.>”

Ri’nela’s lips pursed. “<How is he?>”

“<Emotional. He needs time as well but being around the Zeswa may be what he needs. He’s aware of that so… that’s a good start for him>”

Ri’nela smiled softly. “<Indeed.>”

“I’m about to fly out to the plains myself. Did you need a lift or do you have other arrangements?”

“Anqa will drop me and Teylan off later today or tomorrow. I still have a few things I need to do.”

“I thought Teylan was leaving as soon as possible?” Kieotey remembered.

“I can talk him into leaving with me to make it easier on Anqa. You?”

“I will be yo-yo-ing back and forth from the resistance. There’s still a lot to do to help. Especially with the Dreamwalker’s pregnancy. They may need Anufi or Minang’s expertise to deliver.”

Ri’nela tisked, blinking in swift recollection. “I completely forgot about that.”

“I do wish to help with the child. Live between two bodies will not be easy to cater to a child in one.” She’d see of course if the parents would allow that but she had never seen a Dreamwalker baby (excluding the fetuses she had killed) so it was certainly going to be exciting to see a baby around. Kìoetey hoped that… maybe a clan would be more willing to accept a Dreamwalker’s child as an ally; to allow that child a future with the people regardless of its parentage.

“Perhaps not but we should keep a respectable distance. Dreamwalkers are not Na’vi.”

“They’re not Alma. Ri’nela. They know that.”

Ri’nela stared for a moment before she shook her head. “<Sorry. It’s… I’m angry still with her. Better than before but…”

“<I understand>” Kìoetey closed the distance, setting a hand on her shoulder.

“<Have you forgiven her? Cortez?>”

Kìoetey cocked her head. “<Why are you asking?>”

“<You’re acting like all her sins are forgiven and that you feel like we should throw ourselves down and weep…>” Ri’nela stated, her tail swishing as she gestured softly towards the direction of the avatar’s grave.

“<Most of my anger has passed but that doesn’t mean my passivity is forgiveness. That my attempts to care for her are forgiveness. I haven’t forgiven her, Ri’nela.>” Kìoetey sighed. “<And I’d never expect you or anyone to do that.>”

Ri’nela’s tense expression faded out softly. “<Will you ever reach that place to forgive her?>”

“<One day.>” She could feel it in her heart but not yet. “<I do wish she had survived. It… wouldn’t have been easy to be around her but… seeing her make that effort, to try and earn forgiveness… to see she genuinely wanted to change... That would have meant something.”

“<I… I cannot consider it. Not yet.>”

“Do not rush it.”

Ri’nela nodded, sucking in a deep breath but looked ready to move on to something else. “I need some food. Radio if you need anything.”

Kìoetey dropped her hand. “<I’ll let you know about the arrangements the Zeswa will provide.>”

Masterlist

[inquisitornocturn]

≪─ ᴀ ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍɪᴅɴɪɢʜᴛ: ᴄʜ. 5 - ɴᴇᴡ ᴏʙꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴ ─≫

⋟ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Sebastian LaCroix/f!reader the Ventrue neonate

⋟ 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: y/n etc is not used, rating - M, POV second person, canon-typical violence, smut, dubcon, semi-public sex, PiV, creampie.

⋟ 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: From climbing the corporate ladder to being told you need to feast on human blood - this is your new life, Fledgling. The world has changed for you so drastically, you know you will need time to adjust and your new so called "boss" is not making it easy. He's sending you on tasks that feel like they were designed to get you killed. It makes you furious: at Sebastian, at your vampirism, at your lowly position in this brand new society you just stepped into. Still, LaCroix is just the type to get under your skin with ease, and he does it well. Too well. You are not too sure if you can resist his pull.

⋟ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 7,001

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: bringing some heat to the story with this chapter lol! enjoy♡~

⋟ 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: [link]

You did indeed keep yourself busy for the following two nights. You had other things to do, other people to talk to, other aspects of a vampire life to discover and now you came upon some fucked up situations like that freak Gimble. Just remembering his voice makes you shudder.

But, at your new apartment you feel comfortable. It has a spacious first floor with a kitchen which you know you will never use, a comfortable lounge area with big TV on a wall, a huge aquarium and a bathroom with a sizable bathtub. Second floor has your bedroom which is windowless as it should be for a vampire who has to sleep during the day. It also has another bathroom, big closet and just outside the bedroom there’s a work area with a big desk, a personal computer with LaCroix Foundation secure internet already wired up and a comfortable chair. There’s a music station with vinyl player and a radio.

To put it shortly - it has everything that you need and extra. It took you no time to settle because haven in Santa Monica always seemed like it was crawling with bed bugs and roaches. It most likely was but you avoided staying there as much as possible so you cannot be sure.

However, another interesting development happened when you moved your meager belongings to Skyline Apts. A girl you met at the hospital some time ago and fed your blood to save her somehow found you.

She introduced herself as Heather Poe and kept gushing how you are her savior. You met her after having a talk with half-dying Mercurio who said that vampires give him blood to improve his human body and asked you to get some medication for his pain, after all he was pretty badly banged up. You thought nothing of it at that moment, but then after you left the hospital through the front entrance you met another man who told you he’s a Ghoul. Only then you realized that if Heather finds you - it could mean some bad news for you. You are not sure if making her your Ghoul, no matter how innocent your reasons were when you did that, would not break Masquerade and land you in trouble with LaCroix. So you kept low profile and hoped that Heather would not remember you. But evidently she did and she showed up seeking for you. In the end - you decided to keep her. Her blood is clean and warm and she offers it freely for the taking. For a Ventrue with feeding restrictions you see that as an absolute win, but you did decide to keep Heather your little secret because you don’t want to get into another argument with Prince.

However, the time finally comes when you have to go to the scheduled so called ,party’ among kine.

“Heather, do you have my dress ready?” you call out from the bathroom where for past hour and a half you were showering, putting on makeup, doing your hair.

“I have it here!” Heather bursts into the bathroom enthused to help you with anything you need. When you look at her to take the dress she gasps maybe a little too much to be fully believable but you appreciate her effort.

“Thank you.” You smile at her and take the dress, slipping it on your body, then have Heather help you zip it up. “Hand me those earrings.” You point and again she eagerly jumps to the task.

“I could go with you if you want to! I would not be obvious I promise.” She’s like an excited puppy and you find yourself thinking of Poe as adorable.

“It’s okay, Heather. It’s a high-end pompous human affair. Nothing unpredictable will happen. Plus, I’ll be with LaCroix.”

“Right, the Prince of LA.” Heather nods but she’s not very familiar with vampire politics just yet and you are not going to give her a crash course. Not because you feel like you yourself know a lot already, you’re aware you don’t. However you would prefer for her to keep as much of her humanity as possible. Being fully aware of vampire games of power is not the way to retain that and it’s already bad enough she moved in with you, not being able to stay away.

You put on dark red lipstick carefully and put its tube in a small purse that LaCroix, or someone else, matched with the dress.

“Heels please.” You ask Heather and she nearly tumbles out of the bathroom to get your footwear for the evening. She returns in maybe 2 seconds and places them carefully in front of you, right end facing you.

“Let me help you with that.” She immediately kneels and you step into one heel, letting her manage two delicate clasps that connect straps around your ankle. Then she does the same with the other foot.

As she gets up from the floor and steps back to look at you, she seems genuinely enamored by what she sees.

“You’re stunning.” Heather whispers like she’s in awe and it does actually make you feel beautiful.

You are very used to these types of parties where this kind of clothing is required and expected but it’s your first such party since your Embrace and you feel quite nervous. You spin in spot to show her your entire look, front to back.

“You really think so?” you ask and Heather eagerly nods.

“Just beautiful. You’re going to knock everyone out of their shoes.” She replies with a smile and you walk to her, your heels making a soft click clack sound on the tiles. You reach out and touch her face, gently, almost motherly.

“You’re a gem, Heather.” You whisper and it’s like Heather melts at your touch and words.

“Happy to serve my Mistress.” She responds and you rub her cheek with your thumb just for a little while, then stop. It’s time to go, you see the time on the clock.

You walk out of the bathroom and down the stairs towards the exit, Heather tailing you.

“Is Prince going to pick you up himself?” she asks like she’s worried about your safety.

“No, he’ll send a car for me.” You check your keys and before you forget you locate your knife, then put it behind a garter underneath the dress where nobody sees. Doesn’t hurt to be safe, just in case. Other side of the dress has a slit in it that’s almost provoking.

“Do you know who’s driving it?” she asks sounding worried but you don’t stop, heading for the door, now putting your cellphone in your tiny purse.

“No, but I’m sure I’ll be okay.”

“But what if they want to kidnap you?” Heather is relentless so you stop and turn to her, she almost bumps into you then fix her glasses that nearly slipped off her face.

“Heather, please. I’ll be okay.” You try to explain and she looks for reassurance in your eyes, then finally relaxes her shoulders.

“Okay yes. I’ll be here when you return!” She smiles widely and you smile back at her softly.

“I know you will.” You gently pat her head and leave, closing the door behind you.

While you take the elevator you try to remember everything LaCroix put into his email about this event but it wasn’t much. Some sort of investors, party of 70 people, all of them humans except for you and LaCroix. Blush of Life required for the duration. You have last part down because you fed off Heather before you started to prepare. Can’t have blood on your brand new dress.

When elevator stops at the ground floor you step out and sigh. The hallway is dirty and trash is scattered on the floor but you try not to care. No matter if it’s on purpose or not you’re not going to start cleaning it just because it gets on your nerves, but it does stand out to you every time you see it. Maybe eventually you can get a tidier place for yourself. Right now, you know this well, you need to keep your profile low.

You stop just for a second, roll your shoulders then relax them, lift your chin up and step out of the building. Surprisingly the limousine is already waiting for you, so you walk towards it and open the back door. You don’t know why you got sent a limousine when it could’ve been just a simple taxi but you understand why soon enough when you climb in and see LaCroix comfortably seated at the back with a glass of blood in his hand.

“Good evening.” He says and smirks just a little. “You’re on time, I like punctuality.”

You don’t respond as you close the door behind you and sit down a little further away from him. He may have easily charmed you previous times, but now you’re anxious just enough not to think of anything inappropriate.

“You look just stunning in this dress.” LaCroix compliments and you look at him.

“Thank you. I’m glad the size fits.” You cross your legs and watch Prince snap his fingers twice. Once he does, the limousine starts moving.

“Now, have you fed? The evening is going to be at least several hours long and I don’t want you to frenzy just because Blush of Life seeped out your Vitae.” He says casually. It doesn’t sound like he’s doubting your preparation but it’s more about him being used to repeating instructions to duller accomplices.

“Don’t worry, I’ve fed.” You respond and finally take a good look at him.

Sebastian is wearing all black suit with a matching vest and blood red necktie creating a lovely and elegant contrast that was meant to match the dress you’re wearing. His suit jacket is unbuttoned and you see a golden clock chain pinned to his west’s button and tracing to the pocket on the same west, laying delicately over his lower torso. You also notice a small golden pin of Camarilla pinned to his necktie.

“You look great yourself.” You compliment casually, hoping it comes off as a polite thing you’re doing and not you trying to please him, but in reply Prince scoffs rolling his eyes.

“If not for the duties for Foundation, I would not waste my time and effort for such frivolous endeavors.”

You smile at him, seeing through his act.

“We’re both Ventrue, you don’t have to pretend to be above such events. You and me both know we thrive off mingling among the rich and the powerful.”

Sebastian rises a curious eyebrow at you. You wonder when was the last time he kept being called out on his bullshit by someone like you, lower in status.

“Next you’re going to tell me that we were born in the boardroom. I heard that line before and it was from Smiling Jack.” He says calmly and with a little bit of disgust at Jack’s name, but you can sense a type of probing in his question. Clever.

“I have not been hanging out with Smiling Jack or any other Anarchs.” You immediately clarify and Prince’s expression drops to a poker face, clearly not very happy you read between the lines of his question. “Though I do like Jack, he helped me out after the Theater incident and when the Sabbat attacked.” You admit.

“Yes, I hear Smiling Jack is a universally liked character in LA.” LaCroix looks at his glass and starts to lazily swirl the blood in it. “It’s a great power to have for someone who, in Camarilla terms, is an untamed potential.”

You watch him curiously, wondering what’s inside his head, what he’s thinking about. The limousine doesn’t show any signs of slowing yet so you decide to try and see what you can get out of him.

“As leader of Camarilla here I’m sure you have enough power and influence to get Jack on our side.” You reply with your words very carefully measured and Sebastian’s eyes flick to you. His jaw clenches while he thinks what to say, then relaxes.

“Perhaps I do. However, Jack is a man of personal freedom. I’m confident his supposed alliance with Anarchs is a simple alignment of values rather than an actual effort to death knell the Camarilla in LA. He goes where the winds of his selfishness blow. The only reason he doesn’t like Camarilla is because he’s a wild card and wants to remain as such.”

You think about his words in silence while Sebastian empties his glass and puts it down on a tray screwed in between the seats.

“I think we’re almost here.” He checks his wristwatch that you didn’t notice he was wearing and smooths out his sleeves. “Oh, I almost forgot, we have to wear these.”

With that Sebastian produces two name tag clips out of his pocket and hands one to you. Yours, just like his, is laminated, the edges of it are dark red, the rest is white. On upper end it has LaCroix Foundation in bold black letters, bellow it states your name and your new, albeit fake, status within said Foundation - CCO.

“Chief Communications Officer?” you look at LaCroix as you pin the badge to your dress and he smirks just a little bit while doing the same with his badge, though his status is proclaimed as Owner and CEO.

“I thought it would fit you since you run all kinds of errands for me among the kindred.” His eyes lift to you and you do find the humor in it, thus you smile back.

“I see.”

The limousine stops and LaCroix inhales deeply, holds it in for a second then slowly exhales.

“Blush of Life, darling. And don’t forget to smile.” He instructs without looking at you, then you witness the same transformation you saw in a Theater.

You cannot deny that he’s very handsome both in life and death, but you don’t linger on this thought and proceed to concentrate on activating the ability yourself. It doesn’t come to you as easily as it does for LaCroix but eventually you get it and the feeling is absolutely weird. It’s like warmth is spreading through your body after being so cold for a long time. You feel your heart beat for the first time in a while, you feel your skin tingle. When you look up at Prince he’s giving you a small smile with curious look.

“Ready?” he asks you as he moves towards the door and you affirm him that you are with a nod

When the door gets opened by the driver Sebastian steps out and while you scramble to get out too he reaches in and offers you his hand. You look up to him, feeling a little strange in this moment, but you give him your hand and with another smile he helps you to get out of the car gracefully.

When the driver closes the car door and walks around to move the limousine you look away from LaCroix at the massive skyscraper in front of you. It’s not a building you have been in before but you definitely know about it from people that attended parties here while you were alive.

With a sting of sadness you feel Sebastian let go of your hand and look at him to witness his hands slide into his pockets. He didn’t button up his suit jacket and it suits him better this way.

“Let’s go. I hope you remember your etiquette.” He says but doesn’t wait for an answer and heads for the door.

You join him, walking next to him, your purse in one hand, with the other you’re holding your dress’ skirt so that you don’t trip on the stairs. The automatic door opens and there’s guards eyeing you. They check your badges and scan the bar codes at the bottom of those, then let you in. In silence you and LaCroix walk to the elevator that has an attendant already waiting for you. When you are inside, the man presses a button for the right floor and tries to make small talk.

“Very nice evening for a party like that.” He says cheerfully and LaCroix gives him a side-eye but you find it amusing so you reply.

“Just wonderful. Hopefully it won’t rain tonight.” You smile softly, remembering to retract your fangs just in time.

“I hope so too, Miss.” The guy smiles at you and nods, then the bell rings as elevator stops. “Your floor Miss.” He says ignoring LaCroix and you find it even more amusing. What a little bit of kindness can do.

“Thank you, have a nice evening.” You say and walk out, LaCroix following you.

“Didn’t have to do that.” He whispers to you and you glance at him briefly.

“If you realized that power is not about putting down people you’d be more respected.” You also reply silently and notice Sebastian give you a dangerous glare but you just smile.

“Come here.” He changes the topic and you look at him, not knowing what he means, but you quickly realize he wants you to loop your arm around his elbow while he’s still having his hands in pockets.

Of course.

You match his walking speed and do as he wants while you two cross a big hallway towards a huge double door that’s open, the room inside is already quite full with people, soft music is playing and everyone’s sharing drinks. The sound of your heels on marble floor doesn’t even stand out.

“Follow my lead and don’t drift too far. I’m taking a big risk taking you here.” Sebastian whispers to you as you both keep approaching the room of light and laughter, his voice is tense.

“Not my first rodeo.” You assure him but find yourself hard to concentrate.

You can feel the warmth of his body as you walk with him almost hip to hip. You also try not to look at him because despite you trying not to think about it, you do find LaCroix extremely handsome. You were never a woman who chased men, especially for their looks and especially blondes since you always preferred dark haired men, but there’s something about him that makes you forget all your preferences when it comes to appearances of men.

The moment you step into the room you get startled and snapped out of your thoughts.

“LaCroix! You bastard, finally you showed up!” A male voice announces loudly and when your eyes find him in the crowd you see it’s a tall, early-middle aged man with green eyes, dark brown hair and very stylish facial hair.

He laughs as he approaches the two of you where you stopped and heartily slaps Sebastian’s shoulder. You feel him tense up, being displeased with such treatment but he’s not showing it. Instead he gives a delicate smile and pulls a hand out of his pocket to shake hands with the stranger. Your own arm is now free from his elbow so you grasp your purse, observing curiously.

“Alexander, good to see you in such high spirits. I presume things are going well?” Sebastian indulges in socializing as the handshake lasts a long but appropriate time for two businessmen who know each other well.

“Very! And who’s this charming lady?” Alexander looks at you and you offer him a smile of your own.

“This is my treasured partner in crime.” Sebastian replies, not letting you speak. In the end there’s no need to tell Alexander your name, it’s on the badge.

“I would say a very sexy partner.” Alexander lifts his eyebrows eyeing you up and down and you chuckle politely.

“I appreciate it, but don’t mistake my appearance for inexperience.” You respond very politely and your eye catches a glimpse of LaCroix’s stern face. You don’t know if he didn’t like what you said or was it Alexander that overstepped an invisible line, but you can ask him later.

“Oh I surely won’t.” The man replies in quite a flirtatious tone and you blush a little.

“I appreciate that.” You add and seems Sebastian loses his patience.

He wraps an arm around Alexander’s shoulders and turns with him, leading him to the bar where drinks are being served. You catch snippets of business talk as you follow them, but you don’t try to follow their conversation, instead you look around.

There are women of all ages dressed in very expensive evening-wear and men in tailored suits but mainly the crowd is made up from people around your age. You find that interesting because you didn’t know that LA has that many people of high influence that are not total pensioners. When Sebastian and Alexander stop by the bar to order drinks, you get approached by a waiter who offers you a glass of champagne from his golden serving tray. You politely take a glass thanking him and he drifts off like unanswered prayer. When you turn to look if you’re still close to LaCroix, you find him in a middle of other influential men, drowning in conversation and he’s obviously being in his element.

“I have you all to myself now.” You hear a voice and your eyes turn to find Alexander standing to your side, big smile on his face and a glass of what you presume either bourbon of whiskey in his hand. His fingers are adorned with several golden rings and his suit is darkest shade of green which suits him very well.

“I didn’t know that was your goal.” Amused you lift your eyebrows and turn to face him with your body. LaCroix is not going anywhere and you can talk to people as well.

“Oh it was, the moment I saw you.” Alexander softly chuckles to himself. “I’m just surprised to see you at Sebastian’s side of all people.”

“And why’s that?” you get curious, your eyebrows not lowering any time soon. If this man can tell you more about LaCroix you are eager to hear it.

“He just doesn’t seem to be the type.” Alexander pauses, choosing his words. ”How do I put this. I see Sebastian as someone focused on leadership and results, not chasing young beautiful women to warm his bed.”

“Oh, we’re not like that at all.” You chuckle but your cheeks blush. Goddamn the Blush of Life. At least when you’re in your normal undead state it’s easier to hide things like this.

“You’re not? Then why did he bring you with him? One plus usually means personal life partners.”

This information surprises you because that’s not how LaCroix framed it when he asked you to accompany him.

“I suppose he decided to try something new for a change.” You give a light shrug and Alexander comes closer, leaning in, acting like your conspirator but he’s smiling. His eyes meet yours and when he speaks you can smell whiskey on his breath. You on the other hand haven’t touched your glass of champagne.

“Then maybe this is where I become more interested than I was. If LaCroix hasn’t lain his claim yet, then I’m sure there’s lots of men even here who would like to take that position, I’m volunteering to be first in line.” His tone is charming, seductive and you feel flattered, remembering how it feels to be respected, admired and wanted. Your vampire life so far has been lacking those qualities and you guess it’s that way because you lack the right status.

You chuckle and lean just a little bit closer to him, feeling flirty.

“What makes you think that you’re a right fit for the position?” you whisper and you can feel Alexander’s free hand slip around your waist.

“I have a resume of qualities that are perfect for this position, I assure you.” He whispers back and pulls you just a little closer. God, you really forgot how forthright upper echelons of society tend to be.

“Maybe I can be the judge of that.” You smile flirtatiously and Alexander leans to your ear, his breath is hot against your skin.

“Only if you give me couple hours of this night to prove my qualifications.” His voice is dripping with undisguised desire and you feel your body shiver ever so slightly as you softly chuckle at his words.

“Is this party only for two?” you hear a voice you recognize well and turn your head ever so slightly to see LaCroix standing in front of you, real anger in his eyes makes your smile melt away.

Alexander pulls away from your ear and faces Sebastian with a grin.

“I’m sure you don’t mind us having a little chat since this wonderful woman just informed me that you two are not together, contrary to what I was led to believe.” He says and you find yourself amused by the situation. You wonder what LaCroix will say.

There’s a pause, a heartbeat, then Sebastian manages to tame his anger and smiles.

“Despite us not being romantically involved that doesn’t give you a right to try and seduce my employees, Alexander. Maybe that’s why I don’t bring companions when you’re around.” A genuine sounding tease and Alexander laughs loudly, yet his hand is still around your waist. LaCroix notices that too and gives you a look you can’t read before he turns his attention to his business partner.

“That’s a good one, LaCroix. However, I’m not a man of steel like you. I cannot resist a beautiful woman like this when she’s right in front of me.” He smiles and pulls you close to his body once again, which surprises you.

You are about to protest then you suddenly change your mind and decide to get back at Sebastian. If he wants to treat you like lowest of the low in the vampire world, then he should be able to take someone treating you as you deserve in the living world.

With a measured smile you rise your hand and put your palm on Alexander’s shoulder that’s closest to you.

“Alexander is a very interesting person. Very funny too. I’m sure you won’t mind him entertaining me while you’re discussing business with your peers.” You say and watch LaCroix’s jaw move as he clenches his teeth.

“If the lady doesn’t mind, then I don’t see why you should protest either.” Alexander adds like it’s another nail to a coffin and you find yourself extremely amused.

Another pause that feels swollen with tension.

“Oh I don’t mind at all, but before I leave you two alone I have to discuss something real quick with my colleague here.” LaCroix navigates the situation skillfully and with polite smile gestures to the open door. “If you don’t mind.” his eyes, staring at you, tell you that you have no choice. Uh oh.

“Maybe it can wait?” Alexander suggests, but you decide to damage control the situation. You turn to him and lean to his ear.

“I’m sure it won’t take long, I’ll be right back.” You whisper in your sultriest tone and then pull back, handing him your glass. “Hold onto this for me until I return?” you ask and Alexander very politely nods.

“Everything for Milady.” He teases and you find yourself chuckling at this.

“Please.” Sebastian’s tone is commanding despite the word he uses and you look at him, your smile fading.

“Of course.” You walk towards him and he politely places a palm on your lower back, guiding you, walking a little bit faster than he should.

You look over your shoulder at Alexander who tips his own glass to you and takes a sip. He intends to wait for you and you know it.

You just don’t know if you will be coming back.

As LaCroix expertly navigates the crowd of people towards the door, you try to understand what exactly you did wrong. It’s not like Prince is getting his panties in a bunch just because you flirted with kine. You’re not breaking the Masquerade either, so you really don’t get it. You doubt he’s jealous, why would he be. It’s not like those times you shared blood somehow tied you together.

Yet the moment you exit the party room where nobody pays attention, LaCroix’s polite hand on your lower back becomes a firm grip on your upper arm. At this point he’s dragging you away from people, taking a sharp right to an empty corridor but doesn’t stop. He’s obviously familiar with this building and this floor.

“Let go of me.” You protest, starting to feel pain from his grip but he doesn’t acknowledge you in any way. His steps are fast and determined.

Finally he comes to his destination and opens the door to some office. It doesn’t seem to be very big or lavish so you guess it’s an office for a lower level employee. What you can see with a quick glance in the darkness is that the room has a desk, computer screen at the corner of it, a chair and a filing cabinet in a further corner of the room. Nothing else.

When LaCroix pulls you into the tiny office, you almost stumble dropping your purse, your heels not being the best footwear to be dragged around in, and even before you turn back to face him you hear the door slam loudly, his grip is gone from your arm. He immediately turns to you, stepping angrily towards you, being in your face. There’s unbridled rage in his eyes, his face, his fangs baring at you as he speaks, because he extended them, either on purpose or because he forgets himself.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” he whispers loudly, obviously he does not want anyone to hear the conversation if per chance someone is trying to listen in.

“What do you mean what I’m doing. Is this not what you wanted? For me to act as a pretty side piece?” you whisper back loudly at him too, you’re getting furious at his treatment of you, your arm feeling sore from his earlier grip.

“No!” He immediately responds, eyes blazing. “I told you not to leave my side!”

“Well I didn’t! I was right where you left me!”

“Seducing an investor?!”

“And why does it matter to you?! If I’m pretending to be alive again at least I can try to get some fun out of it!”

“Whoring yourself out to the first man that lays his eyes on you?!”

Loud sound of a slap echoes briefly in the room as you hit Sebastian on the face, furious at him. But he catches your wrist with his left hand immediately after, gripping it tightly. He remains silent for a moment, his cheek is burning red but his angry expression remains unchanged. Then he speaks, slowly, his voice saturated with dangerous tones.

“Have you forgotten who I am? I’m your Prince and leader of Camarilla in this godforsaken city.”

“You could be Cain himself and I would not let you treat me this way.” You hiss at him. You see wolf’s lair and you’re running into it with fireworks.

Sebastian pulls you by your wrist closer to him, he’s leaning over you, tall and authoritative. His whole demeanor is demanding obedience.

“You will obey me, Childe.” He says but it sounds more like an angry growl.

“Or what?” you try to wrench your wrist from his grip but it’s impossibly strong.

“Or I’ll make you obey.”

The air feels like it’s filled with electricity. You don’t respond to him, just glare at him, your fangs on display now too, just like his, you are two predators trying to assert themselves.

Then in a split second everything changes. LaCroix pulls you to his chest and before you can resist he presses his lips against yours. You try to break from the kiss, to push him away but his free hand snakes around your waist and keeps you in place, his kiss is demanding to the point it hurts. You try to get away, you’re angry, you hate it when he treats you like that, but deep inside you also love it. That’s why when he keeps you in place for a little longer you give up and respond to his kiss.

It’s different somehow this time. You’re not being seduced, charmed, enchanted by him, this time you are fully in control of your mind and your emotions and it feels so much better to kiss him with your body full of life. He feels so hot under your touch when your palm presses against the back of his neck. His tongue is so warm in your mouth it’s intoxicating.

You feel your heart beating fast in your chest, you are more aroused than you have been while truly alive. What is it about LaCroix that drives you so utterly and absolutely crazy?

“You’re in real trouble now.” He whispers against your lips and again, faster than your lustful mind can process, he turns you by your wrist so that your back is to him, then he makes you step forward.

“What are you-“

“Only I can have you in such carnal way.” Prince replies, his voice has a tone you haven’t heard before. Something between desire and authority. You find yourself blushing again, just this time more intensively.

You don’t get time to reply as you get positioned in front of a desk and with a firm push get bent over it. You press your palms against it, trying to push yourself upwards but Sebastian’s hand on your back doesn’t let you, even more, it moves to the back of your neck and squeezes firmly.

“Sebastian what are you thinking of doing-” you start but the answer comes in form of his actions.

With free hand he lifts the skirt of your dress, pooling the excess fabric on your lower back, then unceremoniously moves your panties down to your knees where they slide down to your ankles on their own. His fingers trail the knife you have in the garter but don’t linger there for too long. You inhale sharply, you can’t even look at him from this position, but the fact that he doesn’t reply and how he is handling your clothes speaks volumes about the calculated determination to show you what he’s all about.

Just a moment passes before you hear the belt of his pants being unbuckled. You bite your lower lip, you want this, you absolutely want this because now you realize he was jealous of you and it’s his way to not only claim you, but to also show you who you belong to. You don’t mind, this is exactly the type of situation you kept dreaming about during some restless days.

You breathe deeply as you enjoy the feeling of his burning palm on the back of your neck and you close your eyes in anticipation but when you finally do feel the tip of his cock pressing against you a shiver runs down your spine. God, you hope he doesn’t stop there.

And he doesn’t. He starts sliding his dick inside of you, somewhat slowly, almost agonizingly. You moan at the sensation of it, it feels even better than you imagined it would, your palms start to sweat against the tabletop. He slides even deeper and you moan louder, you forgot yourself.

“Shhh, you can take it, you’re doing so well.” Sebastian whispers, his words dripping honey and you don’t know if you can want him any more than you do in this exact moment.

You bite down on your lip, trying to remain silent but it’s a hard task when he fully enters you and keeps himself there for what seems like a long moment. As you’re about to beg for him to start thrusting he does exactly that, like he just read your mind. At first it’s slow, then it quickly picks up the pace. After all, this is not romantic sex, this is fucking to establish his power over you.

You whimper and moan as he thrusts inside you fast and powerful, whole desk underneath you is nearly moving with each push, but he holds your hips in place with an iron grip of his fingers. You bite your lip so hard you draw blood but you don’t care. This feels so good, maybe even better than sex ever felt before. You feel every inch of him so perfectly well it’s nearly driving you crazy. But then LaCroix’s palm that’s on the back of your neck slides lower and wraps around your throat. And then he makes you straighten your back as much as possible considering the angle at which he’s fucking you. You support yourself with your hands against the table and moan loudly, not being able to remain silent as you feel your shoulders against his chest.

“Tell me your mine.” Sebastian whispers in your ear, he’s breathing heavily, his grip is sweaty, his voice sultry and low.

“Sebastian-“

“Say it!” He demands in a harsher tone and underlines his point with a really powerful thrust, this time the desk does move.

“I’m yours!” You moan loudly, completely forgetting where you are. You feel Prince smirk against your ear then he lowers his head to your neck, breathing harshly against it.

You raise one arm from the desk and reach for the back of his head, pushing your fingers into his hair as he keeps thrusting, his face pressed against your neck. You open your eyes slightly and see the night outside the window, all the skyscrapers peppering the night with alight windows like stars. This moment feels perfect to you.

Sebastian’s hand slips from your neck to your waist now, keeping you in place by pushing against your lower stomach. His pace picks up even more, you know he’s close. You’re so close too. In fact you have been close almost from the moment he fully entered you. His heavy breathing is making your head spin, you can’t believe you made him this way - this angry only to become this aroused. Just for you and your body.

There’s no need for speaking when you let yourself go, plunge yourself into the ecstasy you’ve been wanting for so much. You moan, louder, cry out again when his thrusts elevate your orgasm, your nails dig into his scalp and into the desk top, leaving marks. And while you’re in your own realm of paradise, you hear Sebastian grunt silently, then squeeze you harder as he rides out his own climax, then stops with two more firm thrusts at the time you start coming down from your cloud nine.

Both of you are out of breath and when he finally lets go of your waist you collapse on top of the desk. You feel Sebastian pull out, then hear him pull up his pants, buckling up his belt. You start to straighten your back but he helps you, then turns you to him, his palms on your waist gently this time. There’s a glint in his eyes, his face is sweaty.

“I hope you’ll remember this lesson.” His voice is cold, but then he smirks. ”Or I’ll have to teach it again... and again... and again...” He repeats the words in a whisper as he leans to your lips and kisses you again. Now it’s less rough, less demanding. You know sex felt good for him as much as it did for you.

Suddenly you get startled so badly you jump in his arm when there’s a loud knock on the door. The kiss breaks, Sebastian’s eyes widen just like yours. You both hear laughter.

“LaCroix, next time you lie to me you’re going to owe me some stocks.” Alexander’s voice comes loudly through the door and you stare at Sebastian in shock. He stares back.

Then, slowly, he smiles in disbelief and clears his throat, while still holding you against him.

“Maybe I just don’t like being left second in line.” He replies loudly and you blush, embarrassed but smiling.

You push yourself from LaCroix to find your panties and put them on while Sebastian quickly smooths out his hair. There’s no reply from Alexander but you both know he’s waiting outside. It takes you another moment to find your purse.

When you’re done fixing your appearance Sebastian looks at you, you nod at him, he nods back and you both head for the door. Prince opens the door with confidence. The hallway light feels slightly blinding, but when your eyes adjust you find Alexander leaning against the wall with his arms crossed right next to the door.

“Maybe I don’t mind being second in line.” He chuckles eyeing you both.

“Calm down, Alexander.” LaCroix says calmly but there’s a stern note in his voice, then he closes the office door after you exit it.

“The entire floor heard you two. Maybe I want some of that too.” Alexander pushes himself from the wall and this time eyes only you.

You don’t know how to handle this situation so you just say silent, looking at LaCroix’s back because he’s in front of you.

“Maybe hire better employees then.” Prince puts hands in his pockets and Alexander bursts out with laughter.

“Okay, fair point.” He steps to Sebastian, puts a hand around his shoulder and starts walking with him. When he’s close to you he proceeds to put a hand around your waist with his free one and leads you both back to the party room. “Let’s get some drinks first.”

You glance at Sebastian and he returns the look. He smiles ever so slightly and just for you, and you roll your eyes at him but you’re smiling too.

 For the first time since you have been Embraced you feel something akin to happiness. You don’t want to let the feeling go.

[weepingpatroldragon]

Deltarune headcanon part 1

I always headcanon these lines as indicating that Kris could explore their gender identity more freely in the dark world than in the light world.

There is nothing indicating that the shirt they were is passed down clothes of Asriel to be honest it's probably just matching clothes like Chara in undertale but i like to headcanon it as mainly because i think it's a cool way to explore Kris's identity.

Like Kris is aware they are non binary but they don't really understand what their preferences in clothing are or how to explore their preferences or identity in a healthy manner because they were never taught those things in a healthy manner because of their past as the only human in the hometown.

I mainly say this because it's implied that Toriel didn't handle the whole being a human thing very properly it's not really implied that she actually talked to Kris about it properly and maybe even kinda tried to brush off the obvious issues despite clearly caring deeply about Kris.

She borrowed the how to take care of human book many times but right now there is no indication if she actually talked to Kris directly about them being human or not personally i don't think she did mainly because of the whole headband thing but it's also possible she did because Kris pranked Noelle with blood.

So idk could go either way in cannon but i headcanon it as Toriel not telling Kris and it led to them figuring it out on their own and i think it had a negative effect in them so when they discovered they were non binary so they don't like to discuss their complicated feelings with being non binary with Toriel because they feel like she will either brush it off or smother them with love without properly understanding their feelings.

Toriel still does her research and everything goat mom loves her non binary kid more than anything she borrows books to make sure gets everything right and gives anyone the look if they get Kris's pronouns wrong she loves her child very much and accepts their identity.

So Kris kinda finds peace in wearing their older brother's clothing it's nice and anything related to Asriel brings them comfort I think they hesitate to fully explore their identity because well they are the weirdo of the class and before deltarune they were bullied a lot and while yes they clearly like Susie and maybe some of the others as well i still think that being them being the weirdo of the class may have them felt hesitated to explore their identity it can be very scary to express yourself and put yourself through such a vulnerable position while also being the weirdo and the target of bullying i don't think Kris is afraid of not being seen as non binary since everyone seems to generally accept their identity but i can see Kris hesitating on exploring the full scope of their identity or figuring out their own style out of the fear humiliation it's one thing to seen as weird for your actions it's another thing where your trying to peruse something you personally find comfort and joy in and people laughing or just finding it weird it can be demotivating. However that's not the only thing that may make Kris hesitate on exploring their identity there is also fear of growing up

It's clearly implied Kris struggles with the fact that they are growing up and i think when applied to their gender it could be an interesting way to look at their character for a child when you are growing up you have to ask the big question like jobs, goals etc but when you are growing up you also have to consider your identity how you prefer to present yourself in society I like to think that Kris is not only gripping to their nostalgia because they miss the good old days when everything was fine but also because they are struggling with their identity and their place in the world back in their childhood they were just the younger sibling of Asriel and the weirdo kid but now they have to think about who they are and how they like to present themselves and that is terrifying to them.

Now this is where the dark world comes in the picture while the dark world isn't fictional narratively it is not reality either it's kinda far removed so Kris might have felt to be less embarassing to try and I like to think that Kris after gaining friendships and being exposed to such an environment slowly starts to explore their gender little by little starting chapter 2 with the take care outfit difference

I like to think Kris at the time of chapter 2 isn't ready to really go into the different gender clothing but they still decided to play around with different kinds of clothing just to try anyway you know baby steps.

Anyway that's just my headcanon feel free to disagree as I think in cannon Kris is probably very comfortable with their identity I just think the theme of escapism combined with Kris's gender identity as well as their identity as them being the only human in a town full of monsters could be really interesting hence the headcanon but yeah that's about it feels free to disagree as it's very far removed from cannon.

[bethesammytomydean]

Unbearable

((I've found a list of 512 one-word writing prompts and well, drabbles will ensue))

"I don't like this."

Sam hummed, taking a sip of his water, looking around.

"I hate this."

Once again Sam hummed, glancing at his big brother who adjusted his tie, stretching his neckline so he had more room to breathe. It almost seemed as though he was sweating. Even in the dim lighting of the room Sam could see Dean's forehead glinting.

"Sam, I hate this."

"Stop acting like a child." Sam finally spoke up, now fully turning toward his brother. "We're here for a hunt, remember?"

Dean looked even more like a child now, pouting the way he was. That just made his lips seem more plump, and for a second Sam was distracted. But he was an adult who could separate his love life from his job, unlike Dean.

"Yeah but," Dean paused, glancing around. "I don't see shit here, and I'm hot."

"We've been here for not even ten minutes."

"Long enough for us to figure out if there's anythin' worth staying for." Dean muttered, wiping his hand over his forehead with a grimace. "Can't we just leave? Or get out of these fuckin' suits?"

"No. And there's ice over there anyways, just put it in your drink."

"That'll just water down my wine."

"Since when do you drink wine anyways?" Sam turned his focus back on the crowd they were observing. Or trying to observe, at least. Dean didn't seem to be doing much of that.

In fact, Dean didn't seem to be doing much of anything aside from shifting where he stood, complaining, and drinking wine. Which was odd, since he usually did really take their job seriously. And Dean? Drinking wine? That was still really weird to Sam.

"It's the only thing they've got to drink here."

"The only alcohol. They've got plenty of other options available."

"Whatever." Dean grumbled, once again shifting where he stood, moving from one leg to another, hand pulling on the sleeve of his jacket as his eyes shifted through the room-

Sam could've slapped himself in the fucking face. He was such an idiot. How could he not have noticed this before? This was Dean. His big brother. The one person he grew up with. He was supposed to know Dean. Know everything about him.

And yet he had missed how uncomfortable Dean was.

Of course he felt uncomfortable. The crowd they were amongst was filled with stuck-up assholes. People who just bought expensive things to impress each other, which was pathetic. No one in this room was real. It was all just silicone, jewelry and expensive clothes.

Facades. Rich facades. And Dean probably felt extremely out of place. Unlike Sam, who had been around crowds like this more often as a lawyer. He still didn't feel completely comfortable, obviously, but he could at least tune out their horrible talking and ignore the way everyone was trying to impress each other.

Dean wasn't able to do that, apparently.

"I think maybe we should approach this in a different way."

His big brother looked at him, finger hooked on his own collar. "Huh?"

Sam shrugged. "Since everyone is here, no one will be in the garage. Or in the rest of the office. Which means we can roam around practically freely."

Dean started grinning. "You wanna snoop around?"

"Yeah, I wanna snoop around." Sam nodded, smiling at his brother and putting down his glass of water. "And who knows? If we don't find anything I might just take off your suit."

"I'll hold you to that." Dean downed the rest of his wine before grabbing Sam by his wrist. "Let's go, Sammy."

[theangryjikooker]

If all of this turns out to be true, do you think they should just be open about dating?

Maybe it's because I'm from the west and I'm so used to celebs dating, but I just find it so odd that korean celebs wait until they're going to get married or have a baby to announce anything. I understand wanting to have a private life, but if you're both equally famous, I just don't fully see why it would be an issue with confirming and moving on. If they confirm, they can freely roam with their partner which seems much less stressful to me. When hyuna announced she was dating Dwan everyone pretty much accepted and moved on. same with jisoo and her actor bf. You basically give less power to the jobless stalkers

One thing that started to bother me today is the idea that JK has been deliberately queerbaiting to sell this fantasy to fans. Even thinking that makes me upset since I'm queer. Or maybe shippers just twist everything to fit their narratives because on today's SH based on the translations I felt like he debunked all ships. But then I get on here and twt and I see so many people taking him saying he's busy on jimins bday or the drawing thing to be romantic lol.. maybe I just need to get out of shipping spaces altogether

I'm pretty sure im going through the stages of grief step by step LOL so sorry for long ask ig I'm on the 'bargaining' stage and just need to talk 😭

I do, or at least I think it would set a precedent for the members to feel comfortable enough to date openly and put certain fans in their place when they continue to pass judgment for the boys acting like every other human being. Technically, I’d say Taehyung has “paved the way” for them all in how to approach it. Considering how Taehyung and Jennie are prominent members of their respective groups, it’s actually impressive that they were able to continue in their successes, even going so far as to take the very public Paris stroll. There’s always going to be some initial fallout, but as long as they insist on their boundaries and navigate that landscape with a good head on their shoulders, people will have no choice but to deal with it. I think the members are aware that, at some point, it’s no love lost if “ARMYs” abandon them because they decided to live their lives.

I didn’t follow the Hyuna-Dawn relationship that closely, so I’m not too confident to comment on it. I think there were a few things that worked in their favor that doesn’t translate exactly the same for the BTS members.

This idea of intentional queerbaiting by the members has always grated my nerves. I’ve only ever seen antis talk about this, and irate shippers when a member isn’t acting like they should according to their narratives. I think the BTS members are good men, and I don’t believe any of them would do that.

I didn’t listen to SH in its entirety, but if he did debunk ships, that’s not abnormal. It would be absolutely valid if none of the members wanted to be shipped with one another and are now putting their foot down. Good for him if that’s the case, I don’t know what he said.

The bit with Jimin’s birthday are people who are either naturally speculating or shippers who have come to expect Jikook doing something for each other on their birthdays. Which is fair as I think they’ve been consistent and have thus set expectations for people who keep tabs on it, but the whale cloud and it being romantic—shipper nonsense, in my opinion. Any romantic undertones during that get-together remains to be seen and is only projected by shippers.

Shipping spaces have devolved over the years. Tango with it for fun, but I do recommend keeping one’s distance—unless that’s your jam, then have at it.

The only person I trust is myself and my judgment, as long as I know when to take accountability or retract statements when it calls for it. Everything else that I consume in these spaces are more like helpful guides that influence how I choose to interpret things.

[notawheelwalker]

I feel like the “context matters!!!” People that defend Rhy UTM also need to give Tamlin the same consideration. Ignoring the fact that he was willing to doom his people for Freyre not once, but twice, think about what he saw and experienced UTM.

Y’all forget that the abuse that Rhys suffered (and willingly walked into for rights and privileges, which doesn’t diminish it, but call a duck a duck ya know) is what Tamlin was resisting giving into. That was eventually going to be his future enslaved UTM, because he wasn’t actually going to be able to “resist” once his oppressor decided to stop waiting for his consent. You’re mad he “just sat there” UTM? Literally what was he supposed to do to protect Freyre? He already did everything in his power when he sent her away and was willing to doom all the high fae courts to eternal slavery. He doesn’t have rights and privileges to move freely UTM like Rhys did, he’s kept on a short leash.

In this time, he watched what Rhys claims he did to “protect” Freyre. Like, imagine watching someone that you have a gnarly personal history/bad blood with going out of their way to drug, grope, and humiliate the woman you love. That had to feel like retribution. Rhys pretty much admits that the only reason he didn’t r*pe Freyre while she was drugged was because he didn’t want to fight Tamlin.

Side note, I know Tamlin didn’t know this, but do y’all remember that Freyre described Rhys pinning her to the wall so hard she felt her bones grinding? She described the kiss as him forcing himself on her and washed her mouth out 3 times afterwards. The music Rhys sent to Freyre only cheered her up because it made her think of Tamlin.

So, after they get out of UTM, he discovers that his enemy used his partners imminent death from infection to force her into a bargain with him? After UTM, why wouldn’t he be scared of what Rhys would do in private considering what he did in front of all the courts?

It definitely seems like Rhys went out of his way to humiliate him with the dramatic entry into their wedding. If I were Tamlin, I’d wonder why he hadn’t fulfilled his part of the bargain to take Freyre for one week during the 3 months prior to the wedding.

He also has his full powers back after 50 years. Freyre is described as shattering doors and bending cutlery unintentionally, is it really that unbelievable that he would not have full control of his powers immediately again? When he destroys the study, he wasn’t directing an attack at her. He immediately is trying to make sure she’s okay afterwards. He’s guilty and it’s clear it wasn’t intentional. Have you ever felt overwhelmed in a fight with your partner? Imagine if you had untold power that was tied heavily to your emotions and think about how hard that would be to keep contained while you’re feeling overwhelmed in a fight with your partner that’s going nowhere.

In ACOTAR, Tamlin isn’t shown to be a very well spoken person. He isn’t shown to be someone that has an easy time talking about feelings or hard topics. If Freyre wasn’t bringing up her PTSD or talking about it, why would he feel comfortable broaching that subject? He seems to want to get “back to normal” asap, which is fucked up, but I can’t blame him for that.

When he sent her away for her own protection, she disregarded his effort for her safety and ended up UTM trying to “save” him. He watched her get tortured for months because she disregarded him trying to protect her in the past. Freyre had a savior complex that can’t be denied. She doesn’t know what’s going on in the world, which he could help her understand, but she’s also fucking 19. Genuinely what would she have done other than get in the way or martyr herself again? She doesn’t understand war, isn’t educated, and doesn’t even fully understand the fae yet. Why wouldn’t he ensure she stay in place for her own safety?

It’s fucked up, don’t get me wrong, but not so fucked up that Freyre doesn’t turn around and do the same shit to her own sister in ACOSF.

If you’re willing to bend over backwards to consider the context and motivation of a 500 year old man abusing and manipulating a teenager, then consider the motivations of a man who was willing to betray his entire country to protect her. Because why the fuck wouldn’t he see Rhys as a threat to Freyre safety after UTM?

[theevenusianwitch]

i want so badly to feel anything else than what i feel right now when i think about myself. i think about my life. life’s sweet to children who don’t speak. voices never mattered if you only wanted to silence mine to keep hearing yours. i think about everything possible in order to keep myself from drowning. i think. but the pressure just grows and my body’s been strong but do i have to stay like this? when will it end? when i needed you to be there, you weren’t. i remember every ounce of anger you took out on me. do you feel good about beating fear into me? i feared you longer than i ever respected you. i don’t know if i can respect you when i’m still so afraid of you. we sit in a hollow house with our own bubbles of bad fortune taking it out in our own ways. if i wasn’t still afraid to talk to you without my words being heard fully i would have done it ages ago. i would have ran to the depths of the earth finding myself quicker if i didn’t have to appease you and your demons. i wanted to be perfect so you never complained about me. so many people thought you were proud of me with the same breath you tried kicking me out with. you were softer than the rest but still let the weight of my unknown sins beat me. could i ever truly describe the agony i felt for all my formative years without punching it into you too. should i scare you into seeing me as a person or will you grow up too? i think about the summer with holes in my heart because i loved everyone better from a distance. so maybe it was me all along being the issue. my attitude. my desire for freedom. my will to be stubborn so i can take my autonomy from you. i don’t know why you feel so entitled to my personhood. it’s not like you cared when i was 10. 14. 17. 18. 21. those aren’t even close to how many nights i wished i could cry to release the pressure. how many nights i sat awake at night just to feel peace for the first time. to exist freely and alone. i should reach towards community for comfort but which community will ever give me comfort when i feel unwanted in those as well. mother you told me you were proud of “me” but i knew better. i knew how you felt. mother you can’t see i’m not a servant anymore because you didn’t grow when i did. you still see a tiny child you can push around without acknowledging how much you’ve truly hurt me. i used to hit my head and scratch at my wrists hoping i’d feel the gentleness of a mother but i only knew that it takes pain to feel love then. love should not be so painful it makes you question if you’re wanted by anyone. love shouldn’t leave you crying for experiencing earth for the first time. love should be warm like black tea on a rainy fall morning and the dew of spring when the flowers start blooming. love doesn’t hit you for being something other than what they want. i want to scream at everyone who was there but did nothing but what would i even say. does this voice move you or is it too small for you to care to hear. i could tell you i hated peas and cauliflower easily but you slapped my mouth for saying i’d prefer a wife. you punched my chest and choked me for not understanding your anger at me so much i stopped wondering. i knew what your walking pattern was like so i knew when my false hope of a savior was never coming. children should be heard too.

253

[pagepainter]

"Honor your parents."

This is the one commandment that I will never want to uphold now, although I tried to in the past, by giving them round after round of chances to make it up for their dehumanizing treatment towards me. Yet every single time, my hopes were crushed.

You asked about my friends, I showed you. I shared that they traveled with their partners overseas, trying my luck to hint that I would want the same as well. Why the fuck did I try? All she said were just the same words that left me feeling bitter. "Their parents are too liberal. I'm not. You're lucky that I'm not liberal. You should be grateful for me controlling you and your chasity. You should be thankful. You can only go traveling when you're financially independent."

That's right. You're not liberal. Yet on multiple occasions, you contradict yourself and claim that you are. What a joke.

Liberal. You claim to have an open mind. Liberal. You claim that you're accepting of other people's opinions. Liberal. You said that you're open to exposing yourself to different cultures.

Funny, I don't see a single claim you made that's shown through your behavior.

Your words never align with your actions. I don't even believe you when you made the last sentence, because I know your ways. You'll find some way to hold me down.

You call me out and embarrass me in front of other people, and talk me down every single time, going ad hominem everytime when I make my argument against yours.

"Honor your parents. It's also a way of honoring God. But that aside, you should be filial to your parents, after everything they have done for you." Almost everyone I know has been telling me that. Fuck you guys. Fuck every single one of you who sided my parents and devalue the stories of suffering that I have spilled to you. I'm not going to be that apologist and be that filial daughter. Not after all the struggling that I have gone through. "They did it for your own good." It was never for my own good. You loved me conditionally.

I realize that whenever I honor my parents, I begin to become like them, and my communication with others become utterly horrible and it leaves me feeling like shit. It's a terrible personality that I promised myself to never transform into. On the other hand, whenever I stay grounded in my own thoughts and align myself with the desired version I'm becoming, my relationship with others improve so much, and it got worse with my parents.

I honestly prefer living the reality of the latter description. I never want to become someone like my parents. It's disgusting.

At this point, I wonder why am I still holding on to my own religion. While I have lost faith a long time ago, I gave it another shot because I was really desperate to find comfort. Guaranteed, there are some really good takeaways from a couple sermons, and I apply the teachings in a pragmatic way, but that's as far as I will go for my religion. I don't find any comfort in my religion, unfortunately. I have had this feeling a long time ago (even when I gave this faith another try, that feeling still lingered at the back of my mind), where I'm starting to believe that there is no God, and every decision, every action, and every thought is fully under my control. As long as things are said and done in a logical, practical, sensible and convincing way, there's no reason to be hoping for a miracle. Since there's no help from You, I will do it on my own, with the help of the people I can trust.

I give up. I'm done trying to uphold that commandment, because what good would it bring me at the end of the day? Nothing, except trauma, severe depression and anxiety, and regret for not living my life the way I wanted, the way that every single young adult should deserve; to experience life and to live freely (of course within reason as well).

[kyrodo]

Wow I love Choskey so much. He's so enamored with me and it's so crystal clear. He can't help being sus around me even when people are around, he says all these romantic or horny things around me, and it's like a dream come true. To be so deeply in love with each other in every way. To be so happy in each other's company. To feel for each other so freely and so strongly. This is amazing. And more and more Red grows into it and someday all three of us will be inseparable.

I am aware of the risks and hardships of a poly relationship so I know it's something people aren't always going to be fully onboard with. Choskey though was more than sure he would die alone. He has his own share of social problems that he felt were unacceptable for a relationship, and yet here we are. Deeply entranced in each other's presence always telling each other how we feel. He's in a comfortable range age wise, and he wasn't in a relationship before we got together, nor thought he ever would be due to being ace. So the only worry at that point is Red which is going much more smoothly now.

It's been 4 months now. We made it work. Against whatever negative expectations you may have had for me, we made it work and we are thriving. So rip your heart out asshole.

Communication is important for something like this and at every point you actively obstructed it. We didn't confess to each other in sign language nor did we ever have to avoid saying what we mean. But you're free to do whatever doesn't work for you. You're someone else's problem now.

And you know what else? I put thought into what people think about, what people worry about, what people care about, what difficulty's they face, or what their priorities are, you never gave a shit. Overthinking has its cons, but caring too little isn't one of them.

My deepest regret was the short time we were on speaking terms. Where we could chat in dms on Twitter and I could probably ask things like how was your day and get a response. And it almost felt like I would be able to keep that going, like everything was finally the way I wanted it to be, and watching it all fall apart so quickly completely destroyed me. I wanted so badly to get back to that and somehow stay there but everything I tried failed. And that hurt so damn much. I was not ready, I didn't even get time to enjoy what little time I had with you. I was so hopeful, I was so happy, and then suddenly I wasn't. Because of your "question". I will never be able to recover from that. Years in the making and it still fucking hurts. And you never explain why. What did I do to deserve the first punch? Even if I was being extra or romantic, you clearly felt the same way I did, so why did you suddenly turn on me?

I will never get over how short your fuse was or how easy it was to hit the wrong buttons for you and it wasn't always obvious why you were even mad. And I hated that. And having you confess via subtext afterwards just confused me even more. Friend or foe it wasn't easy at all to keep you on one side or the other, especially when your knee jerk reactions to everything were to be obscure. And I was constantly stressed about whether or not your subtexts were even for me because you had 1000 times the follows I did. And you yourself said you just retweet things. And after saying that to me without a word of apology afterwards or even an acknowledgement I don't know how you hoped to make things go smoothly between us again.

If even one tangible interaction between us went well things would've been so much better. But there was never a single sign we could actually get along. Me and Choskey on the other hand, we have that in abundance. I get better at handling banter when we're gaming and other than that Choskey is so clearly and deeply in love with me that I have very little to worry about or be anxious about. He wants to hop off to talk to his cousin or pop into his group channel for a bit I am at ease. Even light or carboor now. I am so secure about our feelings for each other that I don't feel the need to worry. He likes having me to himself away from the server when heading to sleep or when his social batteries are recharging, I'm more than happy to join him and share our love for each other over being in the group call. Because I value the time we share more than another day on the server and I'm immensely happy that he wants to share alone time with me. As far as couple stuff goes we're hitting every little thing that marks a successful, happy, and loving lasting relationship.

With you even getting a match of DBD was a struggle and we couldn't even get that far because you kept being an ass. I don't know if it was a mood thing or what but if you wanted this to work out, you would work with me rather than against me. You would take me at my word instead of question every little thing so much so that you had to see it for yourself. You can't love if you can't trust even the smallest things without proof. Your hacking is proof that the villain was always you. And everyone knows it now. Everyone knows the bitch you truly are.

I told the truth the entire time. Every little rant I pushed out there, every incessant post about my life story, and you performed the worst possible response expecting to topple my story to the ground only to put yourselves in question by everyone you know in the process. I have no sympathy for you. Whatever friends you lost is completely your fault. There is no greater revenge than watching my enemies destroy themselves.

You have no honor. You have no respect. You have no level of dignity left. And whatever sensibilities you have now don't deserve the slightest bit of pity. You deserve nothing. And no level of backward logic or gaslighting will save you from that. Because every token gesture of comfort you ever gave me I know was a lie. That entire time you spent harassing me or playing therapist, you dug as far as you could go expecting to find something ugly, and you hit bedrock. Your reward is your defeat. I don't know how much you played me up for the rest of your friends but damn I wouldn't want to be you.

You want me to list how many steps you took that were the correct ones? Here you go:

Now good luck explaining yourselves to your peers. Over the years I talked through everything I did out loud with reckless abandon. One way or another you will too. Even if someone else has to push you for it.

So "y'all", get to the truth. From ultronnie, luke wilzak, pawpadmadlad, alshline, tsprinkles, and edgelordsimba. If what they say doesn't add up then MAKE it add up. They will make every attempt to push in their own context or leave out important details, so learn how they talk and watch their stories fall apart. Happy Halloween.

It's funny when nothing pisses people off more than reaping what they sow.

You know what I would've done in your situation, whether or not I turned you off or what, pretty much everything you didn't do. And that's a fucking problem.

Send any goons to throw me a dirty link to click on so you can stalk me again and I will shut it down faster than you can blink.

Once upon a time Kay made a dramatic post to Red's telegram about me being us being on the wrong side of the line while she was angry. That shook me more than it should have and I tried to burn bridges and acted and felt as if I was an enemy of the universe. Then someone swooped in and won the audition. Goodbye.

I learned not to be dramatic over such small one off things, when there are actual things to be hurt and mad about. That are so difficult to wrap my head around that I can't forgive them. You made so many mistakes that actual communication would have resolved and it's so fucking pointless.

I suffered the most. I'm the one that chose to give you a try whether or not it was a good idea for me or you. But the way things escalated and got worse is your mess. This is your failure. I jabbed at you and your friends out in the open when I sought to get over you and move on, but I never attacked you in any other way. I never lied to your face or gaslighted you. I never hacked you. All of that is you. You forced us into using nonsense to communicate and the only way to put a stop to it was to leave you behind.

[sahasa-dex]

My version of risky texts is like... instead of being horny as fuck I write a small standalone novel of how if friendship, companionship and all that crap were superpowers I'd be a walking god level being that functioned as a plot device because of how much power I'd have from loving the people I create safe spaces for in my life.

I'm just like oh no my heart is beating out of my chest with anxiety and fear while I'm being wholesome as all hell pouring love into people I might never talk to again because if I had to choose between casting my shadow over someone or being a ray of sunshine I never assume which is better for them I just want to be something that provides a fleeting comfort, safety... a flicker of positivity or hope still rooted in the reality of reminding people they deserve the space they take up in this life.

It ends up making me realise that loving or giving or whatever else is never what damages a person when they find it taken for granted or find their influence temporary. It's what they expect back, I find myself no longer expecting anything anymore... only accepting what comes to pass and enabling myself to grow from it. So the fruits of my growth only ever nourish those I share myself with... no matter how fleeting those moments are.

Feels amazing to consciously choose the space I create for others to reside in, rather than conform myself to what I assume or expect people to need I just share a gift... myself. Freely given, without the need for a return, because me giving isn't about trying to prove my worth anymore... it's about letting people know about theirs.

I've found that just as the culmination of love is grief... growth isn't about measuring or appraising it's about sharing that harvest. Duality of grief and appreciation for what planted the seeds, even if you wish it was different, took and hurt less than it did to do so. Grief and appreciation for knowing you only get the most out of that season by sharing, because these things weren't made to be fully explored alone.

[imthecleric]

Will is known for his love, what he gives to others. The thing is Will's love is not so as easily given as people think. We see him give his love to his friends. But these are people who like him who we know he has a history with as season 1 implicates. Where we see Will not easily giving out his love is in season 2 with Hopper and Bob.

Hopper and Will have criminally few scenes together especially for the guy that can't even fight Owens' comment of "pop" but Will does not remember him. Not even the idea of him. He seems so proud but Will not having a memory of him shows that the love isn't fully there. The only three people he remembers are the three we know he loves without a doubt, and that is Mike, Joyce, and Jonathan. Even if it is just the idea of them like "You're mom" he still remembers them.

But what about Bob you say? Bob is someone who is trying to earn Will's love. He works very hard, and we see Will eventually give it when he takes in the idea to say "Go away" to the Mindflayer. We also see it solidified with the drawing he does of him. Will uses art to convey his feelings most notable fear (the mindflayer), love (DnD), and hate (zombie boy). Arguably there is only one place for Bob to fall.

Now I know you are like what about Lonnie. Every child has a complex relationship with parents who are abusive. Even Jonathan who we know hates Lonnie and tries to instill that idea into Will, has a complex relationship with his dad. Go forth with that idea Jonathan RPers. Will however, so full of love, wants to please Lonnie even past the point of when Lonnie is more or less willfully giving up his rights because he is not trying to visit Will. Will still wants to love him. He still wants to acknowledge the roll Lonnie has in his life, and as much as I love Hopper he has not stepped into the role of dad for Will, not yet at least. Lonnie is still that to Will. And I know people are like he doesn't like baseball, but he has a bat in the one place he finds comfort, I think people often forget Jonathan does try to instill his beliefs of Lonnie onto Will. Will is if anything a people pleaser of course he is going to say what he did. What makes a real point though is what does Will have in the place he calls his, that he build with Jonathan. A baseball bat. Lonnie for as bad as he is still left an impact on Will, and that was Will having more interests than Art, he didn't do it in a healthy way but it still happened.

Last we have El. Will did not meet El in any form until the end of season 2. He spent a year listening to the boys talk about her, literally when he woke up some of the first things he was told was about El. Now granted he did more or less meet El in the upside down, but that is hardly a meeting if that makes sense. He didn't know who it was probably until later and he was told about what happened. Will from what we can glean did not get to really know El at all until she moved in with the Byers after Hopper was presumed dead. Will was likely jealous of her, not only because Mike talked about her alot and she had Mike's affection something he had wanted for a while, but because she replaced him in their friend group. The obvious example I use is that Will changed his DnD class. Before El he was a wizard, she came in and he changed to Cleric because she was the "mage" which in Advanced DnD (the version the boys would have played) is more or less a magic user aka a Wizard. Changing class or multiclassing in Advanced DnD is difficult and essentially resets the player back to level one until the reach the same level they were with their old class for them to access any of their old class powers and moves. So with the analogy that the Duffer's use of DnD explaining in base format the plot of the show, this explains Will and El before they get to know each other.

She had to earn his love. But once she had it he gave it to her freely. He wasn't afraid to give it to her. He did his best to make sure she knew he loved her. He did his best to make her happy at the expense of himself which is how Will opperrates. Others are okay at the expense of himself we see it time and time again with "Are you okay?" aimed at Jonathan in the end of season 1 while Will is the one in the hospital bed, "Close Gate" in season 2 while Will would die if that happened, "She needs you" in season 4, and in season 3 we see the consequence of Will wanting something for himself with trying to get the boys to play DnD.

Will's love given comes at a cost to no one but himself. He wont ever mention the cost because he views it as minute and inconsequential but it is still there, and its only a matter of time before someone realizes. Will's love is not as infinite as it seems. And Will doesn't just give it away. Sure he will empathize with people, like giving the crying girl the tonka truck, but that is not equated to Will loving you.

[ciaossu-imagines]

Romantic and Platonic Bungou Stray Dogs Match-Up for Camila

In my opinion, your ideal Bungou Stray Dogs romantic match is JOHN STEINBECK!

Now, I really do see your relationship with John starting off as a friendship. To be honest, he's not really focused on romance and starting a romantic relationship with someone and your comfort zone for romantic relationships is in having them start as friendships. When the two of you met, you did become friends first and stayed that way for quite a while before the chemistry between the two of you, and the feelings the both of you had developed for each other really became undeniable. I think before that point even got hit though, your friendship had really started to shift towards acting more like a couple, something you two had gotten a little teased about, though you both insisted the two of you were just friends, as you had both assumed at that point.

I honestly do think you only fully realized how much you cared for Steinbeck when you saw someone else take an interest in him, though he thought he was pretty clear that he didn't have any interest in that person, and you felt really jealous and a little possessive towards him. Because that jealousy can sometimes be hard for you to handle, you had kind of gotten grumpy towards him and that other person and ignored both of them a little and being ignored by you, in contrast to the sweet and supportive friend you'd been to him, made him really realize how much of a place you had in his life and made him realize his own feelings.

But when that point came where the feelings on both sides were really clear, both to yourselves and to other people, I do think you kind of took the first steps but left it to John to really confess first and instigate the relationship. It's something that, though normally very laid-back, he was happy to do, as he's generally pretty in touch with his feelings and isn't ashamed to admit to them, whereas you tend to be a little slower to fully realize your feelings and a little more reticent to act on them, especially since you don't really like chasing people. You like to be sure of their feelings for you before you act, and he made his clear.

Now, I want to delve a little bit into your meeting John and becoming his friend before really getting into the romantic relationship, how the two of you interact romantically and the cute little things in that relationship. I do think Steinbeck was really intrigued by you the first couple of times the two of you met. It took a while for him to really broach your walls and your initial public persona and really become a good friend to you, but he put in that effort happily. You interested him from the get-go; you were a little mysterious, and he knew there was a lot more to you than you were letting him initially see and he had a curiousity for you that had to be satisfied, after all. The work to get to know you was something well worth it for him.

He found your shyness and quiet nature to be cute and soothing. Your good manners were something John was taught from a young age to be admired and respected in people, so he had positive thoughts about you even when you were holding a lot of yourself back. However, he guessed (because one of his siblings is very much like you, quiet and shy with people they don't know well) that you had a very definite personality and a lot to say to the right person and when you finally did start opening up and talking to him more freely, he felt happy that he'd gotten you comfortable enough to do so and had proved to you that he could be one of those right people. He enjoys both the quiet moments, just sitting in companionable silence with you, and the conversations about anything and everything under the sun that the two of you have that will sometimes keep both of you up into the wee hours of the morning, just always interested to hear what the person is going to say next.

Your childish side did surprise John at first and while it's not something the two of you really share in common, as John was kind of forced in maturity young due to being a big brother and part of such a large and impoverished family, it's not a side of you he really dislikes. He finds it charming and sometimes that childish streak of yours really reminds him to let loose and have fun too.

He's not really competitive himself. He'll fight to win and play to win, but he's always a good sport whether he wins or loses and I do think one of the very rare topics the two of you fight about, both as friends and as lovers, is your very competitive nature. He's constantly going to be reminding you that it's okay to lose or that these games are meant to be fun, not something to get that worked up over and games definitely aren't something to get violent about…unless there's money involved in the game, and then he surprisingly gets even more cut-throat then you can at your most competitive. While competing with people or playing games with others, the two of you make a tag-team that is to be feared though, because even though he's not competitive like you are, he realizes that winning is important to you and he'll play seriously if you team up with him because he has someone to really work for.

John's sense of humour can be very dry and droll, though witty and it can be very dark at times. While your senses of humour aren't exactly the same, he's always appreciated that even when his jokes get rather black in nature, you still understand them and find them funny and you're one of the few people outside of his family who can make him laugh until tears come to his eye with some of your jokes.

While he does work hard, the truth is John can be rather lazy at points too and there's nothing better than a relaxing day with you, being lazy together, both as friends and then later on together as a couple. While he'll put in work to go take you on dates and do fun things with you, there are times he'll just want to sit around and hang out with you without having to do a lot and the fact that you sometimes have those lazy moods too really allows him to feel comfortable doing so. There's no real pressure on him to constantly be impressing you and doing things for you, he can just relax and enjoy your company, and he loves that about you.

As with your other match, which you'll read about below, both as friends and as lovers, your regular optimism really inspires and balances out John's more pessimistic and harshly realistic views on people and the world in general. He really relies on how supportive and optimistic you are to get him through the moods he sometimes gets into when everything seems rotten and bad about the world.

To be honest, when you and John first became friends, you didn't share a lot of interests and hobbies in common. He didn't really get the opportunities to explore a lot of media and such, though he was raised with a love of music, which was the one shared interest that really bonded you two. John doesn't sing in front of people, though he'd always whistle the tunes he heard you singing for days after. Or, at least, he doesn't sing in front of people until the two of you start dating and really become serious with each other, when you realize he sings in the shower and you become one of the few people outside his family he ever lets hear him sing.

Though you claim to suck at drawing, John always finds something to compliment about your art. He's not bad at art himself, but he really recognizes that drawing brings you joy and makes you happy, that it's something you pour time and effort into, so when you show him your drawing games and art, he loves it because it's your hard work and the things that make you happy. It's been this way since you were friends but especially becomes a thing once the two of you do get together.

Now, I see taking long walks together, just enjoying each others company and being together being a big part of your intitial friendship with John. Even when the two of you begin dating, it remains a tradition between the two of you. It really relaxes him and are moments he really enjoys. It's one of the few times the two of you really get to be alone together, and taking long walks before or after grabbing a meal becomes an easy date night idea for the both of you.

Now, you mention texting being a big thing with you. That you love to be texting your friends…I do think this was a problem with you and John when your friendship first began. He's not really a huge phone guy. However, he is a really busy guy and can be away for pretty lengthy stretches and when he realized that that really did bother you and made you feel alone or ignored, he started to really put effort into texting you more often. Because so much progress had been made during the friendship, when the romantic relationship began, he'd gotten used to it enough for texting you at least daily to be a must-do. The texts increase if he's away from you for those longer stretches, though he does much prefer when he can just take you along with him. Texting is never as good as getting your company in person, after all, but much like you're willing to give him space and time and realize that he has a life outside of you, he realizes the same applies for you. He'll never make you feel like you need to dedicate all your time and attention to him. And honestly, the fact that you have a life and solid friendships that you dedicate time to (because being in a relationship doesn't mean your friends get left behind, not for you most definitely), makes him feel a little better when he does have to be away from you for a length of time, since he knows you're still living a really good life until you can see him again.

Now, I have mentioned that arguments between you and Steinbeck are actually quite rare and are only really inspired by a couple of things and I'd like to go into those things now. One of the major ones is, of course, your habit of hiding your problems and feelings from him. You do love him and you trust him, but it's hard for you to bring your issues to him and he does get frustrated with that. To him, it seems like you either don't trust on him or don't view him as someone who will be willing to help you or can actually help you and that does make him feel frustrated and a little impotent emotionally. He really will push you to start trusting him more and to start opening up more. The thing is, while he'll push you to do so, he also will explain why it's so important to him for you to do so - that, to him, you're first a friend, then someone he loves and sees as both lover and family to him. And that, with how he's been raised, families look out for each other and families trust each other. That you know you can go to your family with anything and they'll always have your back. He knows that you always have his - you show that in so many ways. After all, even when he knows you disagree with something he's done or said, you still are always on his side…so he really needs you to depend on him too and know that, whether he thinks you're wrong or right, he's got your back and will do anything and everything to support you. Once he explains it out, I do see it being something you work on and he sees and compliments your efforts and the arguments get less and less as the time goes on and relationship grows stronger and closer.

The other main source of arguments is one that John actually has a lot of trouble with at first and something he really works on accepting and dealing with throughout the relationship, changing some of his views and habits for you.

See, John loves holidays too. He's big on birthdays, on Christmas especially, and he understands the importance of anniversaries in a romantic relationship. Though he grew up well below the poverty line, where new things and treats weren't readily available, birthdays and Christmases were the only times of the year where the children really got gifts and treats. They were very small and terribly inexpensive, just because of the poverty his family did face, but they were always amazing things to John and his siblings. So while he definitely gives you gifts for these occasions and loves getting gifts from you during these occasions, he really doesn't know how to handle how expensive your gifts are or how often, even outside of these special occasions, you'll give him gifts. It feels too lavish for him and he gets really insecure because he's not financially stable enough, what with sending the majority of his money back to his family, to reciprocate those fancy and expensive gifts you're getting him. He starts to feel less than and it really does cause a lot of arguments. It takes him realizing that these gifts, how often they come and how expensive they can be, are how you feel best showing him that you truly love him, especially where you can sometimes fumble in saying it verbally. He might ask that you cut back on the amount of expensive gifts you get him, leaving them only for really special occasions, and really focus on sentimental or small gifts for random gifts. And when it comes to anniversaries, he'll ask that you really do maybe match more of what he can afford or set a price limit on gifts and really focus on spending time together, on sentimental gifts, and on a bigger and fancier date than he normally takes you on. Overall, he really does try to understand and accept that part of you, but as he learns to do so, it can cause some arguments.

Now, I will mention that anniversaries are one of the rare time, what with the hard work they had to do and all the children to take care of, that John really saw his parents take the time to really focus on each other and be especially loving so anniversaries are also really important to him. He considers them precious in a relationship and I can see him remembering all of the important dates in yours and his relationship and while he might not be able to do a lot, in terms of fancy or expensive things for you, every little anniversary, from first kiss to first date to the actual anniversary of becoming a couple will be celebrated in some way with him.

He also finds it really cute how you always want to be the first to wish him a happy birthday or to celebrate things with him. He'll refuse to open any texts and will cut people off if they start to wish him happy birthday or give well-wishes so that he can make sure you're the first one to do so. The only exception to this might be his family, but because of the time difference, they don't normally wish him happy birthday until later on in the days anyway so it's not normally an issue. He really loves how special you try to make his birthdays and he'll reciprocate in kind, especially since he knows how big a deal it is to you to be surprised and celebrated and loved on your birthday.

Now, getting more into your actual romantic relationship with John, I will say that he really does love how sweet you are to him. You're always encouraging him and being cute and supportive and kind and it means the world to him. While his family used to drive everything he did, he finds that, the longer you've been dating, the more of an inspiration you become to him as well. You make the days easier and better and you make him more determined to get a better life, not just for his family, but for himself and you as well so that someday the two of you can build a real life together too.

Though he's normally rather laid back and not overly romantic, there will be times John surprises you by being really affectionate with you. He's not very much into PDA, but when the two of you are alone together and the relationship has gotten serious enough, he does get rather physically affectionate and has surprisingly romantic tendencies at times, such as liking to dance with you, just at random. The two of you will be in the kitchen cooking together or something, a song will come on that he likes, and he'll pull you in and dance with you right there in the kitchen. And when the two of you are together, he always makes sure to give you his full attention whenever possible.

He might ask that you keep the really embarrassing nicknames to only private spaces together, but in general he loves the nicknames you give him and will have no problems with the less embarrassing ones be using in public. He'll also come up with a nickname for you that he uses, probably more so than your actual name, though it might be a little bit more bland compared to yours. I really like the thought that he'd call you 'my angel' or something along those lines.

While you might be proud of him and brag about him and show him off, you're not the only one doing so in this relationship. John doesn't believe in hiding you. After all, someone as amazing as you should never be hidden, never in a million years. And he loves the fact that you're so proud to be with him, despite all his faults and flaws. It makes him feel secure and the relationship and drives him to take every step he can to make you feel just as secure in your relationship with him.

One prime example of this is that he goes out of his way to make sure that you know he would never cheat on you. He's so faithful and dedicated to you…unless it's forced on him by his work or it's a member of his family, he's more than willing to cut ties with anyone you don't like or anyone that makes you jealous. He accepts your jealousy as completely natural…it's not really an issue for him. He's not a jealous person romantically by nature, but he's gotten jealous about other things and while he knows it's a sin, it's a sin he completely understands. He's pretty observant and is quick to pick up on the times you do feel jealous and he goes out of his way to either get rid of the source of jealousy for you or to make sure that you know you're his one and only.

Runners Up: Dazai, Tachihara, Junichirou

In my opinion, your ideal Bungou Stray Dogs platonic match is CHUUYA NAKAHARA!

To be honest, I don't see your friendship with Chuuya being automatic. As you said, you're rather shy and quiet when first meeting people. While he wouldn't have disliked you, he definitely didn't take to you right away because of that quiet nature of yours. You were polite to him though and you didn't annoy him, so it was more that he would tolerate you. He didn't dislike you, as I said. However, as you grew more comfortable around him and starting showing more of your actual personality, I see your friendship with him really starting. The closer the two of you grew, the more you talked and opened up to him and the more he liked what he was seeing and discovering about you, the more the friendship really started to solidify and grow close. However, while Chuuya likes you best when you're comfortable talking and actually having conversations with him, he really does appreciate that you don't need to be talking incessantly. The fact that you know when to be quiet and give him the room to talk as well, or simply to be quiet and just sit in silence with him when he's grumpy, really is something he enjoys and values about you.

The fact that both you and Chuuya share very similar senses of humour is really a clicking point with you. Both of you make each other laugh, even when other people just kind of look at the both of you like 'damn, that was morbid and dark, are you guys okay??'. Honestly, if those people don't get the jokes, fuck them is the attitude both of you have towards those situations anyway. You guys both crack each other up and that's what matters, right?

Your sometimes childish tendencies don't really phase Chuuya. While he can be very serious and isn't someone to be messed with, to be honest, the man has his own childish streak a mile wide. And sometimes you guys bring out each other childish streaks…for example, both of you can get really competitive. So I do see there being little bets and competitions between the two of you. Chuuya knows not to push you too far, after having witnessed your temper, and you know not to push him too far either. However, he kind of enjoys watching other people trigger those buttons and get under your skin though. He finds it amusing to watch you lose your temper, as long as it's not directed towards him.

One of the things, as I've hinted at in the prior paragraphs, that Chuuya really appreciates about you, is that you do know when to respect boundaries. He's not always the most comfortable sharing what's on his mind or anything bothering him, and honestly with the nature of his work and position in the Port Mafia, there's things he honestly cannot tell you about, even if he wanted to. Chuuya has some issues about opening up to people, even those he gets close to. The fact that you will still be there for him, even when he won't open up, and don't push him is really appreciated. Not only appreciated but the fact is that it makes it easier for him to open up to you slowly as time goes on.

He also appreciates the fact that you understand that his life is busy. He's busy with Port Mafia stuff, with his own interests and hobbies, and sometimes he just needs alone time. He makes as much time for you as he possibly can but sometimes he won't be available to hang out or might not be able to text you for a day or two. You give him the space he needs, and he'll always return the favour. When you do end up messaging him after those periods of apart time, just kind of being like 'I miss you, can we spend some time together or text or something?', he really doesn't mind it, because it's only done when the two of you genuinely have been apart for a while. And besides, he kind of appreciates knowing that your friendship with him is that important to you and that he's that important to you. That reminder that you want to spend time with you, that it's needed in your life, definitely boosts his ego and makes him feel good about both himself, you, and your friendship together. I think he starts classifying you in his head as his best friend but never speaks the words out loud because like, it's possible your friendship with him doesn't mean as much to him as yours does to him…but it's after one of those messages being like 'bitch, I miss you. I have so much to talk to you about, come over, I have wine, and pay attention to me,' that he realizes that yeah, the two of you are definitely best friends and uses the term out loud to you.

I think how overtly you love your friends, even if you don't verbally express it often, really matters to Chuuya and he loves you platonically back the same way. He's just as protective of you as you are towards him, if not a little bit more so. You might playfully threaten to make people disappear when they piss him off, do him wrong, or if you feel they get in the way of your friendship with him…Chuuya will actually make them disappear. Like, your other friends, any boyfriends you have? Chuuya's keeping an eye on all of them and if any of them seriously hurt you? They just kind of become part of Yokohama's suspiciously large missing persons collection. And even if you confronted him about it, like any other time the two of you argue, neither of you can stay mad at each other long and kind of make up by just never really talking about the fight, just kind of going on with the friendship as if the fight never happened.

Well, kind of. While not to the extent you have it as a love language, giving gifts is a way Chuuya does show love to people. So after the two of you fight, if it was his fault, it's normally when he showers you with gifts. Much like you, they tend to be rather extravagant and expensive gifts too. The other times he tends to drop off gifts, other than, of course, the traditional gift-giving occasions, is when he knows you're having a tough go of things or when you have something to really celebrate. These gifts, though, tend to be a little bit less expensive or extravagant than the 'making up' or 'birthday' gifts, and more sentimental.

Now, those traditional gift-giving occasions that I mentioned? Oh yeah, both you and Chuuya do those in style. Verbal I love you's in your guy's friendship are going to be so rare and so far apart because that is just not something either of you are really all that comfortable doing but gifts are definitely an easier way for the both of you to show each other how much the other means to you.

It's guaranteed on each other's birthday, you'll get some sentimental gift from the other. Those sentimental gifts aren't often the expensive ones and sometimes they take forms that aren't traditionally considered gifts, for example just texts telling each other that you mean a lot to the person or that they value your friendship. It can take the form of video or song playlists with captions of 'this is so us' or 'me and my bestie' or things along those lines.

Your habit of needing to be the first one to wish him a happy birthday or a happy new year and such really does rub off on Chuuya, to the point where knowing that anyone else said it to the other person before you did pisses both of you off. Like, someone might say happy birthday to Chuuya before you do and he'll simply tell them to fuck off because he knows how important it is for you to say it first (and because he wants you to be the first to say it), though he'll later demand the other person say it again and give him his gift because he's petty as fuck that way. And he threatens other people if they try to say happy birthday to you before he does.

Chuuya's birthday really hasn't meant a lot to him, given his past, until he meets you and notices just how big of a deal you do make of birthdays. He gets used to being spoiled by you on his birthday and starts to look forward to the day and because you have kind of gifted him that love of birthdays, he definitely goes out of his way to make yours special and to surprise you with something amazing. He tries to beat himself with the surprises each year, to constantly top himself (and everyone else because fuck them, he's obviously the best and your best friend so he knows what you'll like wayyy more than them).

While Chuuya really doesn't get your love of anniversaries, since he considers those more a romantic than platonic thing, he accepts that it's just a part of you. That celebrating them really is a big deal for you so he does try to remember the important dates in your friendship and get you something for them. However, you might need to remind him of the dates a couple weeks in advance, just to ensure he really does remember them. He never struggles with gift ideas for you and might sometimes drop hints about what he's really wanting when it comes to birthdays, holidays, and those anniversaries, though he knows that you put a good amount of thought into ensuring you give amazing gifts anyway.

Another thing Chuuya doesn't quite get? Your habit of making sure you give him his gift away from other people. He sees what they get and he knows you extra-spoil him and honestly, he just sees that as normal. You're his best friend so you get gifts more often, and better quality gifts, than anyone else and he thinks that is the way things should be. He might sometimes even brag about how amazing your gift to him was, though if he learns it bothers you, he might try not to do so.

Now, I'm not trying to down-talk Chuuya. He's supremely confident, capable, and determined. But in terms of attitude, I will say that I see him being a rather pessimistic person with a more tainted and dark view of the world in total. Your normally more optimistic view of the world is really needed at times and it definitely does help influence him and balance him out.

While Chuuya won't share all of your hobbies, he definitely supports your interest in all of them and doesn't mind listening to you talk about them, show them off to him, and he'll try to show interest in all of them. He doesn't really get the drawing games and honestly, they tend to piss him off because he has little artistic talent, so he'll like seeing what you make on them but after briefly trying them, refuses to touch them himself. The hobbies and interests the two of you do share together tend to be the more creative ones, the ones linked to the arts. Chuuya himself loves music and, if you catch him in the right mood (or in the shower), he enjoys singing as well. The two of you definitely share playlists with each other and are constantly suggesting music to each other. When he does get comfortable singing in front of you, I could see friend dates to karaoke and there being some sick duets. When he learns about your love of acting, he's also intrigued. He's always thought he would have made a good actor and if he knows you're doing a show, not only is he attending every showing to support you, but he's offering to run lines with you.

One of the things that keep your friendship with Chuuya so strong?? It's that you both know how to balance out other things in your life with your friendship. Having other friends and having romantic relationships is normal and okay, yeah, but it matters that neither of you put those other relationships above the friendship you two share. It was definitely a worry Chuuya would have had when you started dating someone, and one you would have had when he starts dating people. However, both of you consistently show that neither of you are the type to ditch the other person just because you started dating someone or made a new friend, and it helps you both feel safe and secure in the friendship.

Which is a great thing, considering that both of you can be very jealous people at times. Not that either of you will admit it. It's actually funny because both you and Chuuya share the exact same reactions to being jealous…you both try to hide it but can get moody and kind of snappy, especially towards the person inspiring the jealousy. And both of you would rather die than admit to being jealous. If asked by the other, both you and Chuuya will pretend nothing is wrong or make up excuses for your changes in behaviours. Now, if anyone else accuses you of jealousy, both of you pure out gaslight without too many qualms or any guilt about it, haha. You and Chuuya communicate really well on everything else but you'd both, as mentioned, die before admitting publicly to being jealous. And it's not that neither of you can't have relationships and other friendships…as mentioned above, it's definitely okay. They just can't take precedence over being best friends.

Another thing that really makes this friendship strong? The fact that you will both stand by the other person, no matter what. Yeah, if you think Chuuya is seriously wrong in a situation, you'll call him out, albeit gently and he does the same for you. But it's one thing to gently call the other out and another to abandon them because you don't agree with what the other person did. And neither of you would ever dream about doing so. No matter what, you're Chuuya's best friend and even if he doesn't get your behaviour or agree with it, anyone who says anything bad about you can go fucking die in his opinion and, while he doesn't show it or say anything, the fact that you're the same in terms of having his back really does mean a lot to him.

The last thing that really solidifies the friendship and one of the things that the two of you spend a lot of time doing together? Chuuya fucking loves gossip. Honestly, he does. He wants all the tea, piping hot, and he'll serve it right back to you. Both of you will definitely be each other's gossip buddies and it's even better if the person you're gossiping about is someone neither of you like. Chuuya can get very ranty and sometimes a little mean about the people he dislikes and you will definitely hear about all the people who piss him off (a lot of the time, you're hearing how much he hates Dazai) and he's more than willing to listen to you rant about anyone pissing you off or that you dislike. Like, please tell him all about it because it will amuse him and he wants to hear about any kind of hunches you have about people or 'off' things you've noticed about them. If you dislike someone, Chuuya will normally agree to dislike them as well, just to be on your side, and he expects the same from you in return. If either of you get hints that something is off about a person or that there's something juicy about them and their lives, you two will definitely compare and contrast notes and spin out theories together and he wants a call if you find out that the theories were right, like right away, because you will be his first call if he finds out.

Runners Up: Yosano, Naomi, Dazai, Mitchell

[bloodybusiness]

He could see the conflict in the other. Nick had pointed out that clearly Suresh wasn't used to a gentle touch in the funeral home so perhaps that's all it was. A sensation he was not used to, causing him to go rigid. It was an uncertainty for a man that enjoyed his certainties. Well, if there was anyone within the Syndicate that was a revolving variable, it was Nick. He did manage a small chuckle at Suresh's words, however. "Oh, I don't count? Feels a bit hurtful. Knowing me for all these years and I just...don't count?" But of course he knew what Suresh meant. He didn't count in terms of romance and yet...who was it that was there most nights when needed? Who offered comfort? A constant presence whether it was physical or not. Just there, out of sight but he would know most every action taken. Within business. And maybe outside of business, too. "Le ruiner ? Tu t'inquiètes trop," he was quick to reply in French. Well, maybe he had a habit of breaking people he got too close to but that was never the intention. It wasn't to 'ruin' as Suresh put it.

There has never been a question if Suresh was attractive, that was always a given. And surely the other knew it given how he preened himself, how much care went into his appearance. But Nick had never focused greatly on it, no matter how he might fluster the younger man. But staring at him now just became more evident. Slim but toned, a beautiful warm skin tone, dark eyes that could either kill with a look or melt if he properly used them. Looking him over now, mostly in the face, Nick's eyes freely wandered. Taking in every part. From the exhausted eyes, the messy hair, and a gaze he almost felt was longing.

"Does me complimenting you bring happiness? Or just an ego boost?" He met his gaze once again, unwavering unlike the tiniest tremble in his left arm. "You act like I talk to everyone this way." While he was ever the charmer, few actually got this much attention. Even fewer got access to his nice scotch and a place to relax freely inside his home. And yet here Suresh was, with all the perks. His eyebrows did raise in slight surprise when he felt Suresh's careful touch on his jawline, lifting his head just slightly for either a better angle or more access, he couldn't say. Feeling the digit run carefully across the surface, it was like a child touching something they were afraid might break. If Suresh was worried about Nick breaking, well, he was already very much so. If it was their bond... "Cruel? Do you think I'm teasing you for fun?" he asked. "Mon beau, you should know me better than that. I'm a lot of things. I wouldn't consider unnecessarily cruel one of them."

Maybe it was a stupid idea, completely foolish. But there was the haze of alcohol, a pretty face, and probably the person he was the closest to right in front of him. One hand moved away from Suresh's cheek, only to trail down to the side of his neck. Tender, careful, nothing that would bring harm and surely the other knew that. It was something of a rush. Nick sitting up more, facing Suresh directly before he was leaning in. Lips against lips, every touch soft so as not to fright the other away with the sudden shift in the night's atmosphere. It wasn't as though it hadn't crossed his mind before in the last two years. Fully aware that, in his own way, Suresh tended to him just as much as he tended to Suresh and the business. A subtle acknowledgement, and around the time the actual flirting had started to be thrown his way. Maybe not just to ruffle feathers but to gauge a response. Suddenly so intimate, lines blurred as his lips pushed against Suresh's.

Suresh hadn't realized he'd reached up to touch his right ear. Drawing attention to the missing piece. Most days he forgot about it. Found ways to style his hair to hide it. He'd lost it during work for the Syndicate but for him it was more a reminder to always make sure the guy was dead before you start cleaning. A very important and costly lesson. Also the first man he'd ever killed. Turned out that their would be more after. It had been a fundamental moment for him and who he could be in the Syndicate and who he wanted to be. He took another sip of his almost empty glass, unaware of Nick's thoughts on his earlier remarks.

There was a small touch of recognition in that comment about the man dying still gripping the paper. He understood that level of single minded obsession with work. He had it too. There was a morbid curiosity to meet the man now just to get a gage of the other. But it wouldn't be smart. Suresh let out a small snort as Nick said he wasn't planning on sleeping with him again. He offered unhelpfully, "I have heard hate sex can be fun."

He opened his eyes as his drink was taken out of his hand. Watching what Nick was doing curiously. Frowning as the booze made him a little slower. They'd been talking about boat rides and catacomb tours. Glancing down to see if there was something on his shirt before Nick's hands cupped his face. He looked up, a look of something akin to fear or hope flickered across his face. But he didn't pull away. At the question his felt a flash of heat radiate through his body as his brain flatlined for a moment. Surprise kept him from moving. The first words out of his mouth fueled by survival as he whispered, "You don't count--" His hands were still along the back of the couch but he felt too open as Nick spoke, dragging his arms in slowly. His hands were tingling with the desire to touch, to reach out, but he shouldn't. He shook his head, finally reaching up to grab Nick's sleeves, holding his upper arms as he tried to reason with the onslaught of questions, "That's not the same. You know that's not the same. You don't--" He shook his head again and closed his eyes when Nick called him good looking, every word after a hammer blow and he murmured with a pleading whisper. "Je suis content. Ne gâche pas ça. Je vous en prie." He swallowed painfully around what felt like a hot rock in his throat.

And thankfully Nick made a joke, said something to cut through it just a little. He let out a small, wet, chuckle. But Nick's hands were still holding his face so softly and Suresh shivered, "You're trying to hustle me into being a happier person." But the words were hollow, not the ones he wanted to say. He looked at Nick's face, sad, dark eyes resting on his mouth as he reached up very carefully and ran his thumb along Nick's jaw not letting the rest of his hand touch. A shockingly familiar gesture that he would solidly blame on the alcohol tomorrow. Because Suresh knew better than to touch. But Nick's jaw was as lovely and warm and as rough as he'd known it would be. But just as quickly his hand fell away. "Let me go, please. Don't be cruel." His voice far steadier than he had expected it to be. Those last three words holding all the things he wasn't going to elaborate on but hoping it was enough to get the point across. Knowing he was less than ten seconds from crawling out of his skin and off the couch in a very undignified manner in order to avoid ending up in the other's lap.