#they were being so nice and normal
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Zoro getting curved and then promptly falling asleep.
#that first clip of him snd sanji#was when everything started going downhill#they were being so nice and normal#and then sanji couldnt stand how gay talking to another man was#like zoro clocked him#and then found out he was in the closet#their relationship has been on the decline since then#like zoro in his head is like i know what u are#and sanjis like oh god he knows what i am...#and then acts aggressively straight#the second clip zoro was like..... do u care if i stay up with you 😏#and then propositions kyros#and gets curved :(#then suddenly hes not trying to stay up anymore kfjdkejffje#he just wants to drink and get fucked#one piece archived#zoro roronoa#kyros#sanji#one piece
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i have lots of flaws but i do at least take a fair amount of comfort knowing that, if i were a customer NPC in a fast food/retail management game, i would be one of the chill early-level ones that can wait a super long time before they start getting impatient, and you breathe a sigh of a relief when you see them show up in a harder level
#buny text#was standing in line at popeyes today and they were SUPER busy and the staff couldn't even take my order for a while#and the guy at the till was like 'so sorry for the wait we'll get to you soon i promise' and i was like hey no worries 👍#and he gave me this look that i understood from my own time in retail to mean 'thank you for being fucking normal'#there was nobody else behind me cuz i showed up at the very end of the lunch rush i think#and in that moment i just pictured like. a lil timer wheel above my head that was still green and mostly full lmao#i love being nice to retail workers it's so fun
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Charles' thing is that he wants to feel alive and that's part of the reason why he decided to never move on to the afterlife right? Meanwhile Edwin thinks Charles will move on and that he'll be alone again because 'he isn't good with people'.
But then when the Night Nurse shows up a second time Charles is ready to go wherever -including Hell- as long as Edwin shouldn't have to go back there, meanwhile Edwin refuses that they be split up, and both are okay with being sent together to the Lost and Found Department to be sorted out later as long as they're together-
#does this make sense#like#charles -> stay on earth#then charles is like -> fuck earth edwin n°1#edwin -> stay out of hell and wander alone ig#then edwin -> stay with charles#although you can argue that charles wanted to stick around the one dude that was nice to him since the start but like#idk how to explain it#he'd rather argue for edwin's case than argue to stay on earth#edwin not going back to hell is his main goal in the discussion#meanwhile edwin's goal is that they stay together + that he doesn't go back to hell#i do wonder what it would've looked like if they'd gone to the lost and found department#do they try to escape it#does charles find out where he was headed#anyways another day of being very normal about this show#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#paynland#payneland#i know that charles' whole motivation isn't just that he wishes he were still alive and that he wish he hadn't had his life stolen from him#but my thoughts are not coherent enough for any type of deep character analysis essay and i would probably mischaracterize him horribly#wonder what was edwin's plan when he came out of hell cuz he went back to his highschool so was he just doing a bit of visiting#“oh hello place where i died”
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oh okay heres one:
"sleepaway camp"= you go there for at least a few days, a week, sometimes several weeks, and sleep there, as opposed to a """camp""" where you go for the day and your parents or whoever picks you up afterward (those arent really camps, but like. idk when i went to "space camp" it was a weeklong but not sleepaway). in the U.S. at least, the typical image of a sleepaway camp involves staying in cabins, dunno how common it is/what it looks like in other countries.
for the first few i just mean like. not necessarily a stealth church camp, just like. idk, a camp where theres also an Assumption Of Christianity and just general vibes without being actually church camp. So, there might not be daily services and jesusy dedicatwd activities, but maybe theres still a prayer said over meals and shit. Which i assume might exist...
(oh and @reblogforsamplesize if u wanna)
#buzzy#poll#polls#personally: yes i went several times#and i enjoyed it bc. camp!!! yay!!!#but the Church part of it. complicated feelings on that matter#mine were all weeklong camps#went every year for a few years i hink#it was fun bc again YAY CAMP!!! and the ones i went to were like huge things#they had cool water stuff like The Blob and waterslides and some fun games and shit#you could do paintball#and i wasnt like. NOT christian at the time. but i also Wasnt Really Feeling It#i was mostly into it bc. camp.#...maybe i should have asked my parents if i could just go to one of the normal summer camps instead lmao#like the 6 week ones or st#that coulda been fun ....#so my answer is Its Complicated#i did like. participate in the jesus side of things. but i was also kinda knowingly faking it u kno?#i remember one time during a service i started having a bit of a panic attack (mostly bc of the MASSVE crowd. this was a huge ass camp)#but i still had to like. stay. still do everything. my pastor was being nice about it but still was like :( well you cant leave#i remember that was the day we did some shit outside w torches#like. carrying torches in a big procession like some sorta ritual thing ig. fuck if i know.#and i was like crying while following the procession and trying to stop#(the crying STARTED un the megachurch extremely loud giaant speaker GET PUMPED UP!!! area and continued to the torches)#thars my stringest memory from church camp aside from when i fcking DEMOLISHED the frozen t shirt game#(they gave a few ppl on stage frozen t balled up shirts and it was like 'okay first one to unball it and put it on wins!!!')#(and while the two boys i was up against started trying to tear it open with their hands i just#(in my cute lil butterfly shirt and pretty skirt started SMASHING IT AGAINST THE GROUND FULL BODY AAAUUGGHH and broke that shit)#(i was sooo proud of mysekf and my oastors wife thiught it was Unladylike of me but i fucjing won. the boys copied me after a sec)#(but it was too late i won :) anyway yeah like i said mixed feelings u kno. anyway go blue beetles woooo!!!!!
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Unintended consequences
#people need to stop being researchers. never works out proper y'know?#I somehow liked each stage of this one a lot#real happy with Carmy especially. Yi Sang's butterflies were a delight to render tho#also is it a bad time to admit IDK how to draw butterflies or no#oh! given Carmy's first direct mention was in Canto 4 they technically have a connection if you really squint. kinda. sorta.#anyways. i've had this idea for months so its nice to finally put it to paper. put it to pixels? whatever#normal tags:#art#k draws art stuff#digital art#original art#fanart#limbus company#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#carmen lobcorp#yi sang lcb#🪶☀️#hi puter why dont u have the feather emoji
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#house md#james wilson#lisa cuddy#wuddy#is this wuddy?#screencap#s02e22 “Forever”#BEAUTIFLY LIT LIKE MY GOD#and then you remember that both of them want kids#being donor prob the best option for wilson with his commitment pattern he gets to be a nice but rare uncle/dad#they never cross past being friends so cuddy would be free of potential leftover jealousy or feels (like imagine house)#very platonic and neat arrangement#if they were both normal and could actually talk about it#+ wilson prob still sore with the divorce and all so timing too#long post#longpost
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Yadda yadda yadda jinx is generally seen as a loose canon, does whatever she wants type of character, totally unpredictable. When in actuality, up until the last few episodes all of her choices and actions r motivated by wanting to please someone else. Hell. Even in the last couple episodes, the very Last thing we see her doing is ENTIRELY MOTIVATED by devotion and love and grief for silco, she’s taking out her frustration at herself and the world, and also honoring his wishes and dreams. By shooting a fucking bomb at piltover, she’s ensuring his life wasn’t in vain, she’s honoring him. In that moment
Her entire, self!!! is centered around love and loyalty. Is centered around other people, She’s motivated by an insatiable urge to prove herself, to be useful to those she loves, to show that she can help them and be there for them and be WORTHY of there love. That they haven’t made a mistake in loving her. To prove that she can be as pivotal to them as they r for her. She goes to the ends of the fucking earth to do this. And it ends. Terribly.
She puts the people she loves on pedestals and supplicates at there feet, she has no motivations most of the show outside of making the people she loves happy… she yearns for connection and love and safety. For a home that will never leave her behind, or crumble under her feet, (an indestructible home, That she can’t destroy just by being her…)
Which is why.. it’s so. Interesting and intriguing. How now, she has no one on that pedestal to worship, no one to drag sacrifices and offerings to the feet of, no one to spiral around and build herself off of. She is a person so *affected* by her relationships w others, but there is no relationship now, no one is stepping up to the plate to love her. She’s too much. For anyone. The one person who seemed to have unlimited patience for her is dead, because of her. and maybe vi could still love her.. but. She’s already soured that relationship. Already broken that one too. Broken all her favorite toys that made her so happy. That were there for her. And scared all the rest away. (There is a limit to what vi can support and forgive to reconnect w her sister. And I believe terrorism is crossing that limit ghgh)
And maybe, jinx is cutting that part of herself out on purpose. To be stronger, she’s realized she just. Isn’t made for love. That she ruins it all in the end. That it just makes everything worse. Messier. More complicated. She’s better off on her own, but for what PURPOSE! Who will she be now! What choices will she make!?! Almost all of her actions in the show were for others, what is driving her now, now that she has this gaping void at the center of her being. Where love used to be… what kind of person will she become, Without a guide to follow… a sun to orbit around. it’s sad honestly ghghg-!!! like yeah it’s not healthy that she is this way but there’s no THERAPY IN ARCANE. THIS IS THE WAY SHE IS! And now. She’s alone… it’s rough. But also intriguing…!! And I honestly have no clue how she’s gonna act in season 2,,, or what sorta shit she’s gonna get up to. but I’m excited.
#arcane#jinx#arcane jinx#jinx arcane#pepper words#sorry for waxing philosophical about jinx’s mental state I just. WANTED TO#she is so tragic to me…#and I see a lot of myself in her. albeit. like. since there’s no therapy she’s just deteriorated#but. idk. seeing a character like hers portrayed in fiction. and so accurately and like.. painfully#it’s cathartic#??? and I wanted to talk about her lol. leave me alone#ok now I gotta get ready for work lol#sOMEBODY GET THIS GIRL SOME THERAPY#but also DONT. cuz it’s cathartic to see the worst thoughts tendencies and feelings of myself come to life so unapologetically in her#like… it’s. nice to see somebody go apeshit like this. when ur own brain and desire to live a normal happy life prevents u from going#apeshit urself.. jinx is raw and unfiltered pain and misery being taken out on the world and I love that about her… but#I also want her to be happy.. and. I don’t. actually think going apeshit will make her happy… in the end ghghg-#but I will still always support her going apeshit regardless. like u go girl! this might end up fucking u up worse then u already were#but if u wanna do something fucking do it girl! don’t let shit like laws or morals hold u back..#edit: I WANT to edit the bit about supplicatting cuz it was mostly jus me trying to be wordy but.#so I realized I was projecting too hard lol. jinx is willing to snap and go against and put pressure on her fav ppl#mostly for possessive reasons ghgg- but! yeah that parts kinda innacurate for her#other bits of this might be innacurate too! this is just me thinking out loud lol I don’t claim to be a jinx expert.#merely a jinx appreciator…
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i am wide awake thinking about that post canon jb au again when I should be sleeping …!!! such is the nature of the jbrainrot…
#the whole setting is jb hanging out in the rock post war#and tyrion became lord of the westerlands / the rock is his but he’s off doing stuff in kingslanding and jaime is just filling in for him#atm . but after tyrion comes back his original plan WAS he’ll get married to brienne right away and they can move back to tarth or be#travelling hedge knights together or whatever brienne wants to do he’s down for it. but the important thing is that he wants to stay with#her .. so he’s using the time they have together currently to court her bc she deserves that at least !!#so jaime goes off trying to court and woo brienne but she just thinks they’re hanging out bc they got relatively close in the war#so jaime being touchy feely isn’t anything new. jaime making innuendos and being kinda flirty isn’t anything new either#but this time he means it LOL he’s like I want to kiss you SO badly and brienne will be like lol silly jaime (:#I was also thinking they’d help rebuild lannisport just bc it’s a time for healing now and it would be good for the people to get to know#jaime and the lannisters in general bc of how they would just used to sit high above the rock looking down on everyone#but now jaime is like. actively helping and being known and being with the people rather than just being that absent distant lord#also he’s thinking he might as well try and foster some relationship with the commoners to his house bc it’s for tyrion anyway#so he’s off doing that and brienne is tagging along bc she does not want to go home yet#she wants to stay with him and she’s helping out as an excuse to stay a little longer but she doesn’t exactly want to leave him#but how do you tell someone that and ignore the big glaring part that she’s actually in love with him and the fact that they both survived#the war is getting her hopeful???? u want her to admit that?? like a normal person??? no..!!#so she’s just staying and helping out bc a) it’s the sensible thing to do b) so she can bask on the sun that is Jaime Lannister#for like a few more days. weeks. maybe a month bc the weather is soooo bad in the stormlands rn 🙄😳#anyway jb hanging out! and everything is going well and good but jaime is now getting popular w the people and he’s also looking quite#rugged and handsome post war now that he’s thirty flirty and thriving and he also has a new scar across his lip that makes his#smirks even more ! rogueish … ! and he looks quite nice with the greying hair 👀 so now there’s gossips around him#not to mention he’s single too and I think if you were one of the heroes who helped win the war they’ll forget the kingslaying#man with no honor business so lo and behold brienne eavesdrops a group of ladies bc she’s a chismosa at heart and they’re talking about a#potential marriage for a lord lannister (!!!) and there’s going to be a big tourney held in Kingslanding for it (!!!)#and brienne remembers jaime mentioning the ought to go to Kingslanding in the next few weeks (!!!) and now she’s remembering jaime IS a#lord though not theee lord of the westerlands STILL a lord from one of the seven houses and he’s single and very eligible for marriage rn#and now she’s realising everything is returning back the way it was before the war where society rules matters and she has her own role as#now the evenstar bc rip selwyn and jaime has his own role too and the court is a whole different battlefield#one that she isn’t equipped in and even though she had found some new confidence in herself bc killing a bunch of ice invisible zombies#with your own magic sword will do that for you she doesn’t think (and she’s being objective not negative) she stands a chance in THAT
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you know, there are a lot of posts about how transitioning as an adult is like going through puberty all over again. and I’m not medically transitioning (at least not yet, maybe one day), so I don’t know if I ever expected to exactly experience that. after all, my hormones are at normal adult levels for someone on birth control. but no, some of the stuff I experience does make me feel like a teenager awkwardly becoming an adult again, actually.
see, I’m attending a friend’s wedding, and I need new formalwear for it (protip: it is generally frowned upon to wear a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding, and that’s the last formalwear I purchased). and I just… really didn’t want to wear a dress, so I went to go get a suit. and I didn’t know how to get any of the required clothes for it and had to have a salesperson help me figure out how dress shirts work and nervously stood there while getting shown how to try stuff on and it really did feel like I was a lost teenager, despite being, you know, almost twenty-six.
but also: I own a three-piece suit now! it’s grey! it looks pretty good on me! I even got a blue tie with bees on it! so it was worth the temporary embarrassment of suddenly realizing I don’t know how men’s formalwear sizes work and, oh god, why are there so many variations of “white dress shirt” what does this mean.
and I figure as I very slowly work up the confidence to be out more irl there will be more and more moments like this, and I’ll lament the fact I didn’t do all this stuff as an actual teenager, but as weird and scary as it is, so far, it’s been worth it.
#also shoutout to the salesperson both at the suit store and the department store#they were VERY nice and reassuring and the woman at the department store wished me luck which was very sweet#I was. very obviously nervous social anxiety is a bitch#I kept being like ‘I’m so sorry I don’t know how this works’ but I never had anyone teach me so I must give myself grace#anyway more personal than I normally am on this blog but I’m excited and also figure someone out there probably relates#just. late milestones. thing I keep experiencing both because autism and because not cis#suddenly realizing ‘oh most people figure this one out as a teenager’#milestones are bullshit anyway#anyway some stuff needs to come in and then be hemmed so no pictures yet but#suit……
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I'M FREEEEEEE
Yesterday was my last day in the emergency department for this academic year, and of course it was also the absolute fucking worse out of the entire two months of emergency medicine that I've done so far in residency. I didn't get so much as a ten minute break to eat the whole fucking day, I stayed nearly two hours after the end of my shift writing notes and playing phone tag with a bunch of specialists until my attending fucking left, and my attending kept telling me to go see new patients when I was already super behind on figuring out wtf I was doing for the ones that I had. One of my sign-outs literally ended up being, "As for plan, uh...sorry, I didn't even staff this one. I put in a CBC, CMP, and UA and then they called a code and I went to go do that. Sorry." and fucking bless the next attending coming on because he was so chill about it. I think he could see the stress in my eyes, lmaoooo.
On the bright side, I did get to successfully intubate a guy! This is an improvement on the first time I tried to intubate someone, which was a few days ago on a high risk patient who coded in the middle of it.
Anyway, saw my clinic patients today, and now it's time for my first two-day weekend in literally two fucking months. Happy November!
#personal#residency#dear diary#I'm doing my outpatient pediatrics rotation next#which is a normal 40 hour a week with weekends off job#and it's depressingly hilarious how excited I am about that schedule#I'm also excited about doing outpatient pediatrics!#seeing as that is actually a part of the medical practice I want to do!!!#FUCK the emergency department!!!!!!!!#(thank you ED docs for existing I hate being down there so fucking much)#my attending yesterday was a new grad like literally JUST finished residency#so he was good at teaching when he was teaching#but he also lacked context for the pace at which I'm able to do literally anything in the first few months of intern year#and all the EM seniors were at didactics so I had NO help#I literally fled to the other side of the department to ask a nice PA how to call poison control at one point
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what can i say except
AAAAAAAAAAHHH
i got to meet jen back in april, and today i got to meet mark! the absolute EUPHORIA of those meetings, 2 life goals coming true that i never thought i'd achieve, within the same year, all without leaving my australian city.
when i met jen, i made her cry (unintentionally!) but it spoke volumes to me that our meeting had that impact. today when i met mark, he asked if he could take his own photo of the art i had him sign, which spoke to me just as much, and both of them seemed truly happy to meet me.
i know i said it when i met jen but wow my life has really come full circle now. it's fulfilling, but i can't help but feel kind of sad too because, now what? what can mean more than this?
tempted to finally finish a mass effect playthrough i started years ago and just have ALL the emotions today
#and because it's fresh on my mind let me tell you how super fucking nice mark was like wow#i knew he would be but genuinely he felt like a friend he was just so good to talk to and REMEMBERED ME AND MY ART#it was a truly wholesome experience BUT despite the fact that majority (all?) of the people that were queuing to meet him wanted to because-#of mass effect; my anxiety kicked tf in and i could barely speak to anyone and i'm so disappointed in myself for it#like even when i found some gale cosplayers. i asked for photos then immediately left because i didn't want to bother them#but like. that's what we're there for. what better place to meet and interact with people with such common interests than there#so i stopped myself from making friends BUT make no mistake it was a great time despite anxiety being a bitch#mass effect#oh and make no mistake i was overjoyed in those photos! i just literally can't pull a smile the way people normally can
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The trans experience of getting lucky with a new primary care provider who doesn't care about your transness or transition so long as you're getting the proper care
Manifesting this for every trans person because I finally felt like a normal human being going to a doctor
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#i have avoided doctors for like... four years now because of how awful they are toward trans people 🤩 (sarcastic star-eyes emoji)#i thought i didn't have anxiety anymore until i made a first appointment with this new primary care provider i have...#...and when they were doing my vitals and got to the blood pressure screen i was shaking (which i normally am tbf)#i will be fair and say i have had more negative experiences with mental health providers though#but since i've avoided doctor-doctors i haven't had the time TO have negative experiences#my dad was actually really kind and asked if my doctor tried being transphobic and i realized... NO! he didn't even try!#my dad's first question was if dr. [redacted] tried to talk me out of testosterone and i was like shit... no he didn't!!#and i felt like a normal person seeing the doctor albeit with a lot of anxiety but i was treated normally :)#it feels SO nice after feeling like a lab rat or like in the movies where a psychiatrist comes out to explain what transsexuality#explain what transsexuality is*
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He has to sit on a phone book to drive the Batmobile omg...
#dc liveblog#the retroactive was really fun!!#and they were normal about jaybin im so happy#he got to drive the Batmobile into a wall!!! yay!!!!#really fun to see that jaybin immediately started looking for files about the reaper when he came up. prepared lad#and disguises!!!! we got to see them use disguises!!!!!#its so fun i like that we got to see jaybin normally. im so used to post 80s jaybins being called aggressive at least once#so this is a delight#he got to kick some guy in the dick no problem im so happy for him#and its fun to see batman trying to teach him detective skills#i need to reread the 80s comics so bad#jason todd#the art here is nice too
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thinking about the time i emailed tumblr support to ask if i could have a nulled url and they un-nulled it and then someone else (in the same fandom) (it was an episode title) took it in the literal like 20 min time frame between tumblr releasing it and me realizing and i asked that user if i could maybe please have the url, with receipts that i went through the effort of asking staff, and at the time i had kofi up and they sent me sixty real life human dollars. instead of the fucking url.
#it's also a vague url that i would still be using. like. for this blog.#just checked . theyve changed fandoms and still have the url. i still want it.#also thinking about that weirdly aggressive anon i got an unrelated time that i mentioned i was thinking of doing that for a diff url#saying thats not possible. my friend i have done it#i havent done it in a couple years but. yes i have gotten nulled urls out of purgatory multiple times by asking nicely#its so much normaler to block.#that being said i did take the money because my shoes were falling apart
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ok but the fact that "aziraphale is softening. they haven't spoken in a hundred years: he's realizing they're still friends" and "there's no need to thank me that's what...friends...are for" was in the same night is making me go INSANE
#we NEED to talk more abt the 1941 ep im so serious im not normal about it like i had such high expectations and it suppressed them all.#am i disappointed there wasn't a rejection scene like i predicted?? yes ofc but also aziraphale said he did the apology dance that year so#i wonder what else could've fucking happened#but anyway. let's focus on what DID happen: aziraphale literally GLOWING with love in the car. crowley telling him to shut up cause of a#compliment. aziraphale helping crowley out and crowley looking at him like 'you'd do that for me?'. crowley not only letting aziraphale#practice magic with him but ACTIVELY playing a character to help him and i mean that scene was literally just crowley flirting with him#crowley indulging aziraphale by going to the magic shop with him and agreeing to participate in his show despite the fact that he NEVER EVEN#SHOT A GUN BEFORE. him just leafing thru the guidebook till he realizes there's a miracle blocker than starting to frantically flip thru it#her hands SHAKING on the gun and them being so afraid of hurting az. 'no paperwork :))' sure my guy that's what u r so happy about ofc#'but do u really think it went well' 'absolutely' with such sincerity. the book description saying smth abt ifa demon were to happen across#aziraphale they should report it immediately to the demon crowley. 'you could've just walked away' 'well you said 'trust me'' 'and you did'#its just. its one of my favorite eps it's so nice#good omens#azicrow#good omens s2#aziracrow#go s2 spoilers#go s2#good omens script book#good omens s2 spoilers#aziraphale x crowley
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I miss Red Queen and RQ tumblr sooooo bad yall omg 😭😭 seriously might reread it soon to try and get back my hyperfixation cuz that was my peak!!!!!
#like yall were so nice I miss u#and also I miss my boy my guy my blue eyed prince#begging on my hands and knees for god to throw me a bone#let me have this#I wanna draw and write again and do fun stuff!!!!#I want my creativity back!!!!#all my motivation being based on very come and go hyperfixafions is so exhausting 💀#I wish I could be normal about anything#red queen series
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