#they try to remind her of the past
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When you have a fic idea but not the writing skills
#ninjago#the desire to write a wojira duo fic#i even have some of the scenes thought out#the premise is that nya's return happens after the overlord is dealt with#and while physically it is nya...she's not the same#she's the sea and she does not know those surface dwellers that put her in a mortal body against her will#ninja cant even be haply bc 'nya' seems to hate them#they try to remind her of the past#morro gets mentioned#and sea who already was planning on returning to her true form suddenly learns about a master of wind#of her sibling element#maybe the storm can be reunited with its child too...#ninjago nya#nya ninjago#nya jiang#nya smith#morro wu#ninjago morro#morro ninjago#wojira duo
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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?
used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.
#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to#the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities#but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the “butch” category#her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities#Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing#also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax#forget about it#etc#i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her#people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream#i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had#staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water#their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was#their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked#alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you#it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our#responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that#n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
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started stardew valley for the first time. born to remember villager likes and dislikes forced to immediately forget it the moment i take my eyes off thw wiki
#HELP. HEEEELPP <- THE FORGETTER#i have 18 different tabs open and im pretty sure half of them are duplicates. i have not made anything past 5000G i am so cooked#rn im at summer 11 ish?? i cant remember dates in real life either jesus christ GRIPPING THE COMMUNITY CALENDAR WITH MY BARE HANDS#my ass really went into this like “ill just take it easy and go into it blind so i get the newborn baby deer experience" completely ignoran#to the fact that i get anxious disappointing ppl and not having any background knowledge going into smth new. like a FOOL#also the walking speed is just slow enough to make me space out and forget where i was going and what i needed to do head in my hands#ive had to backtrack all over pelican town so many different times im in fucking adhd hell. resource management hell#im saying this like i hate it but its actually pretty fun and engaging when im not gripping my head trying to remember what i was doing#i got linus' 2 heart event and it made me whimper a little. LINUSSS LINUS I LIKE HIM. AND WILLY AND MARNIE THEYRE SO NICEYS#marnie kinda like.. reminds me of my friends mom even her face is pretty similar. shes sweet i like her. also willy calls me lad hes cool#i think im just gonna start a new save and NOT rely on the fucking mixed seed forages bc my ass was too stubborn to buy seeds#i just got sebastians 2 heart event too ughhh ive never had to work so hard for an emo boys approval. but it was satisfying#corn will fix me. its a replenishable summer-fall crop corn has to fucking fix me PLEASE#i also. made a stardew valley farmer. the one im playing as. their name is cosmo they have a backstory and everything im making#him a ref. his backstory is so fucking funny just wait#yapping#diary#puppy plays sdv
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Kabru definitely feels like the kinda person to make a ships chart of the people he knows
#like he lowkey reminds me of luz from toh#like in the way that he schemes. plots and meddles in others' lifes without actually trying to be malicious#it's just fun to him as much as it was fun to luz#like luz literally gets really invested when someone talks to her about their 'backstory' (as she puts it)#or about their (past) relationships#and i can totally see kabru like that too#dungeon meshi#kabru#kabru of utaya#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#yami talks
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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whatever og text i had in mind for this post about ko shibasaki looking like sayama in this movie is completely cancelled on account of utsumi (this character)'s first name being kaoru and i only found this out cause i was looking up her name just to be sure when making this post
like jesus christ i legally have to make this post now
#snap chats#they literally never say her first name in the movie. i think lol LIKE WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS JUST 'NO FUCKING WAY'#i do have to be tbh and say her face /is/ a little more round than sayama's#and its absolutely predominantly because of how her bangs and wardrobe are so close to sayama's that i think she look like her#BUT I CAAAANT THE WHOLE MOVIE I WAS JUST THINKIN ABOUT SAYAMA... i miss her...#OH RIGHT THE MOVIE THOUGH noooo fuck you this movie was so good it actually made me want to write a summary for it LMAOOO#LIKE I LIKE WRITING SUMMARIES BUT IVE JUST BEEN SO LAZY ABOUT IT WITH THE PAST FEW THINGS IVE SEEN BUT GOD.#ignore the fact i finished this movie two hours ago i was too busy fiddling with a card holder kit but. ill make a post about that next--#THIS MOVIE THOUGH NOOOOO IT WAS SO GOOD //SCREAMS AND YELLS AND DESTROYS A SNOWGLOBE//#god the part where ishigami and yukawa are walking by the homeless and it just lingers on an empty spot.. LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS WACK#CAUSE I WAS LIKE 'hang on wasnt there a guy there last scene' and obviously there was since the shot lingered right#BUUUUTT WHEN IT WAS REVEALED DOWN THE LINE SHUT UPPP I LITERALLY YELLED IM SO GLAD. my roommates arent home..#on god i thought the movie was gonna end with utsumi and fukawa's convo from the beginning#and i was gonna make a gaf about how fukawa was acting irrationally because he was too in love LMAOOO#BUT THEN IT KEPT GOING AND. im so glad it did. ishigami valid tbh#id also cover up and take blame for AND ACTUALLY commit murder for a girl if she said hi to me and made me lunch while i was trying to kms#while fukawa and ishigami were talkin that first night tho i just thought of after the rain.. lol... maybe the mangaka was inspo'd by that.#anyway. this movie was great. it reminded me of sherlock but if it was directed well and actually let you solve the mystery too#CAUSE WHILE I WAS WATCHING THERE WERE POINTS WHERE I TOO WAS JUST 'hang on' AND I JUST POCKETED THE INFO FOR LATER#i kicked and screamed when ishigami was talking abut how he formats his tests LIKE I SAID 'oh you fucking slipped'#when ishigami called and told her he had a white envelope in there bitch i knew it was gonna be the stalker letter i YELLED#LIKE I LIKE HOW THE MOVIE SETS THINGS UP SO ABUNDANTLY. IT'S FUN SEEING IT FIT IN THE MOVIE LATER ON#the twist of there being two bodies was so fun tho cause at the start of the movie i was sure two murders happened the same night#so when it was played off as just one i was like Oh. Ok. im still stumped on how he snuck a body out of the apartment#but yk what one detail is like. whatever in comparison to the rest of the movie being fun to watch#god im running out of tags POINT IS. PLEAAASE watch this movie if you got two hours#ive left some minor warnings on my Watchlist doc but there's nothing. TOO extreme ??#i mean there's an aforementioned suicide attempt but aside from that it's nothing too grotesque. for an rgg fan ig#ok bye i have to ramble about the card holder i got <3
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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Something I am grasping onto to explain the 'Masters and Apprentice' trailer without Sabine being retconned to be force-sensitive for no reason is the title.
Masters and Apprentices.
Not Padawans.
Being an Apprentice doesn't mean Ahsoka is teaching her the force. Instead, it may mean that Ahsoka is picking up where Kanan left off and, in a way, finishing Sabine's "training" because he couldn't and Sabine needs it to find Ezra. She isn't a Jedi, but she is learning the Jedi way.
#I find the whole 'Sabine being made Force-Sensitive' so unbelievably stupid.#Because she went to the Academy and then spent four-five years with two Jedi.#HOW DID NO ONE PICK UP ON IT??#I instead think that Sabine is trying to learn how to be a Jedi to the best of her non-force-sensitive abilities#but her attachment and despearation to find Ezra worried Ahsoka#it might've reminded her of Anakin#or simply she realised that Sabine was learning it for the wrong reason and Ahsoka was teaching her to try and “make up” for her past.#They're both ignoring their actual issues.#And Ahsoka will see them addressing these issues and both of them letting go of their guilt for not being more than who they can be.#Ahsoka realises that she couldn't save Anakin and his fall wasn't her fault.#And Sabine learns that Ezra trusted in her to find him solely by being herself and no one expects anything else from her.#They accept themselves and their pasts/those they've lost/etc.#star wars#ahsoka series#star wars ahsoka#ahsoka tano#sabine wren#ahsoka series prediction#ahsoka series trailer#ahsoka show
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when your mom asks you to send her some of your recent art but all of your recent art is these gay ass puppets. Uh
#sending her stuff was like#'oh heres a dragon.... *quick scrolling past all the laughingstock* and heres um... another dragon....'#the silence on my end of the call while i looked for Presentable Stuff was deafening#i was like She Cant Know She Cant Know#she already thinks im fucking insane for my interest in a fake puppet show. like.#cant let her know im obsessed with two of said puppets being Gay and In Love#trying to be sooooo normal in my day-to-day life & around people outside of this webbed site#that way all of the Unwellness is reserved for you guys <3 you're so welcome <3#its so hard though its really an Ordeal smh#everything reminds me of Them...#absolutely unprompted#stg when i do land a job im gonna need to practice masking to hell and back bc that shit crumbleddddd during the past few years#i cant be in the middle of isle 3 having a Category Five Me Moment bc i had a cute laughingstock thought
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Effloresce snippet
“Ask me for help.” Rhysand was drawing magic hard enough it seemed to warp reality around him, dreaming starry shadows unfurled around his body, more menace than wings but for the borrow shape. “Ask me for help, Nesta Archeron, and I will lend my power to your people.” Cassian, five hundred years of service lived, could have torn out his tongue in that second. Instead, he caught Feyre’s eye. Feyre, one hand bunched in Rhysand’s jacket- whether she really thought she was holding him back or anchoring herself, Cassian couldn’t imagine- shaking her head in sorrow. Grief. Looking past him to Nesta like her sister was making a mistake. “Or,” Rhysand murmured, all velvet, “I can do it myself. I know how rare it is, for the legions to listen to a woman. Or even your own people. Ask me for help, Nesta, and it will be yours. I swear it.” Cassian had seen her move before. Knew perfectly well humanity was a truth held fractured in Nesta’s veins. That she could be terrifyingly quick, hold and maintain dominance like she’d been born for the way faeries communicated with each other. There was no sound louder than her heartbeat. Her rage, a scream of wind rattling the windows of the hall, a fear that wound all the way down to Cassian’s bones. He blinked, and she was right in front of Rhysand. “You will die on fire,” Nesta hissed, in a register no human throat could hold, “You will beg like the coward you are. No one will help you. No shadow will save you. You have spent centuries acting like no will matters but yours, but you will not be strong enough to survive. Maybe then I’ll ask your ashes what your help is worth.” Rhysand, cruel as dawn, smiled. But Cassian could see too, that he’d stopped breathing. “It takes much more than fire to kill High Fae, Lady Archeron.”
#hey babes remember that this one has a plot?#past the simping?#like rhysand wasn't going to try to wriggle out of a contract#the ego!#the menance!#the stupid stupid stupid shit happening here is almost immeasurable#the girls have a legion!#a stolen magically determining crown#one lost baby high lord husband#one cassian#300 + pissed off humans#one Azriel carting around his mates bones#AND NOW RHYSAND IS PICKING A FIGHT?#yes of course#while everyone is actively dying?#seems in character frankly#coming soon: a morrigan joke i've been saving for years#Cassian losing his shit and maybe gaining fealty#Elain reminding everyone she IS her sisters sister#effloresce
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toying with the idea of making yancey's friends not real. would that be too evil
#personal#hear me out. the diner is a mimic and it's toying with the entire town and making people oblivious and just. stuck in time metaphorically#it's known to make people hallucinate it's known to show things that aren't there. it can fuck with technology#yancey has. problems. he's sick with grief and pain and regret and sorrow from his past moving into a strange new town#and there's all these people there in the diner and they all remind him of some part of his life#stevie quite literally reminds him of his ex but stuck in the state before anything happened. stevie is a constant reminder of like#what could have been had they not crossed the line of getting together#his relationship with daphne (friendship mostly but he has a little crush on her at some point) is like#the romanticized version of the life he had in mind for him and his ex. yeah he gets a little bit insane with it but he loves very deeply#freddy is what he wished for his older brother to be like. their friendship is what he wishes he and his brother would be like#rafiq is basically yancey's ideal partner. yukiko reminds him of his younger sister#hell even teddy is connected to him because he and teddy are basically the same person. dealing with a situation very poorly#but teddy WOULD be real since he is part of CALAMITY so his connection to yancey if anything is like. on purpose#he is SUPPOSED to mirror yancey because that will make yancey realize things about himself#that only leaves morrigan as the only other real person in all of this. because she is the only one not connected to the diner#(freddy isn't either but since he's first introduced on the radio as radio host he is sort of connected to the town)#(in like a way the diner could influence that too. you know what i'm saying)#and morrigan's whole deal is that she's so so stuck in the past. trying to get back what is no more. and daphne is her sister#so daphne could even be a manifestation of yancey's and morrigan's shared grief#for yancey the romanticized relationship with his ex. for morrigan her sister who died in the wildfires#are you seeing my vision. the diner is defeated and it's just yancey morrigan and teddy. it's always been#no one else has been real the whole time. they've only interacted with one another or yancey. never with teddy or morrigan#(with exception of daphne who would have interacted with morrigan bc of shared manifestation)#and yancey acts like the others have never existed. because they haven't. and now that he's no longer#under the influence of the diner. he doesn't remember. haha#idk if i wanna go with this because some of them aren't as solidified as concepts as others but man. MANNNNN
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lately ive been crying like a tall child. etc. if you even care
#um does anyone want to rant about the tams fire siblings because they are driving me genuinely crazy#the way azula - despite being grown and distanced enough from ozai to know it was wrong - still views her 9 year old self as her ‘peak’#while zuko views the age he was at when they left as his lowest point#and they’re both trying to get towards and away those respective identities#any reminder that azula isn’t the girl she was is met with discomfort from her#just as any situation that makes him feel unsettled/unsafe/belittled instantly puts zuko into his 11 y/o mindset#like so much has happened and diverted from canon yet here they still are#those children are still living and kicking within them despite all they’ve done to have ‘zuko’ and ‘azula’ erased#there’s just sooooo much to them but I really liked this from the latest chapter#bc this chapter was supposed to really show how all the little crumbs I’ve put into their characters so far#come together to create two surprisingly opposing mindsets#and this is a key factor of that and this treatment of their past becomes VERY prevalent#twice as many stars#oh on the topic of tams please if ur gonna listen to any song off the playlist pls let it be come by adrienne lenker#like I’m crying about it actually
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i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand
#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona#its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around#one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them#making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth#i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since#memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an#association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont#fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell#on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one#dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong#despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them#interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing#i struggle find a balance between those two things#actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of#her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard#or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it??#maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard#although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh#yapping#oc talk#oc
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I haven’t been insane about Vi enough lately so time to pour out some random thoughts. free association thinking time:
been thinking about her “It's my savings. I wanna be rich, okay? So I can travel, eat well, buy cool stuff… So no one can say I can't do something!” And none of the following will really be insightful or revelatory because it’s just what she says here but. yeah! that’s vi! the main reason she’s so big on money is because she has to be to get what she wants out of life! it’s what lets her say no to people telling her what to do, and that’s important to her because she has no choice but to be independent and support herself. because no one else will. No one at the Hive had anything positive or supportive to say about her being an explorer until she went out and did it (to a ridiculously successful degree, too. I have to wonder if/how it might’ve differed if she was on a regular accomplishment level team. not the one leading them all to the mission to the Hive). she never had a choice not to be. I could also see that being a little part of why she starts out not really being a teamwork person. past experiences have taught her she can’t rely on anyone else for support. (does make me wonder about what if she’d met Chubee before leaving the Hive. obviously she still would’ve left, but how might even a bit of support have changed other things?)
I feel like we don’t talk about the fact that The Beemerang Is Also Knives enough
ok so at one point there was this post talking about people with money and how it affects their life like. if you can afford to get a nanny then you can only do the fun parts of childcare and when you stop feeling like taking care of the kid you can just hand them to someone else to take them away. and again likely not especially revelatory but I would guess that’s the kind of way queen bianca handled the bees as her daughters (she does care about them. absolutely. but not in the same hands-on attached way as we usually associate with parents) and thinking about how that kind of treatment would then apply to vi....hm
in universes where discussions of Gender and Pronouns etc happen I think she has moments where she gets frustrated with the everything of Being Referred To and Having Complicated Identity She Hasn’t Quite Figured Yet and is like. gender is cancelled how dare you refer to me. but especially anyone else calls me a girl ever i will be stabbing them
also I think a lot about what circumstances she finds out about gayness/Gender being things. and whether she’s thought about it in herself before and whether she’d been dismissed on it/told it wasn’t a thing etc. most circumstances she ends up angry about the finding out times because of (un)consicious internal conflict stuff
underground tavern stuff implies she was definitely doing quests and stuff for money with them precanon. would kill to know what specifically it was. but also the first talk with utter implies that she was doing stuff off that questboard as well which is even more intriguing. utter’s spy also implies you don’t have to be an explorer to do them but otherwise you would think you did I feel. so again very curious what was up there
#inspired by that girl blorbos post and also me trying to think about where in the game they drop facts and such about precanon stuff w her#the urge to try and fic about the stuff between her leaving the hive and showing up at the association....strong again#'the hive didn't do anything' my ass. vi might have also been a jerk but it's just that she was the more obvious#easily labeled incident version of it. she was active while her treatment was the subtle passive neglect type of bad treatment#complex situation and also. yeah#an aquila original#vi bug fables#bug fables#also featuring funky gender lesbian stuff because thats not even headcanon. to me#hopefully the reasoning out stuff doesn't just come out like a load of nonsense#vi's one of those characters where I definitely feel comfortable in writing her on a basic level but some parts I'm super insecure about#and the part with her is in really capturing the complexities of her backstory and family issues#and the thing is it's like. I have to remind myself that some parts of how canon did her on that are actually decent#and I should pay attention to those complexities. but then also canon definitely did some of their 'this hasn't really been earned'#resolution stuff on her. mostly thinking about the postcanon dialogue with Bianca. it's jsut too much of a jump for that for me#and it's not even that I necessarily think bianca's dialogue is out of character. it's that I'm contemplating whether it would've#made more sense for vi to get angry about it. like.#ok so. sometimes i think about what coming out to my family might be like. and I've come to the conclusion that if they were just accepting#despite the fact that it would be best case scenario I'd be angry about it. because they've said some shitty stuff in the past. in general#they've made me feel unsafe about myself. so no actually you don't get to just suddenly be chill about it now fuck you.#it doesn't change the past hurts#and I could see Vi being like that too. even if part of her is happy about getting what she wanted to start with she's pissed about#only getting it now. with a side helping of also wondering if the approval /now/ is only because she's been so successful about it#what if she hadn't been so specially favored by elizant? what if she hadn't been on the team that saved the world? why did she (maybe) have#to earn the approval she should've had from the start?#also not gonna get into this one right now but tweaking her story with jaune to acknowledge that theyre both at fault in different ways#(again). would be nice#but now I'm definitely veering into repeating myself type rambling territory so
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i'll never forgive proship vs anti discourse for distorting the phrase "this thing in fandom makes me uncomfortable".
#This was prompted by an ask on one of those confession blogs saying that they're 'uncomfortable' with trans people trying to reclaim janet#Hm! See; i also hate being reminded that janet exists. But what makes me uncomfy can be beneficial to other trans people#But did anon simply mean that they dont like seeing fan art of her? Or did they mean 'i wish i could bully people without consequences'?#Or did they mean 'i wish people wouldn't do this at all because it's immoral?'#I dont fucking know because of how frequently people in fandom are not-normal about things that squick them out!#And not just this fandom specifically; in pretty much every fandom there's a percentage of people who try to moralize certain genres of art#-instead of just scrolling past and using their filters#Was the person who sent this ask even trans? I dont know that either!#They better not be cis and trying to tell trans people what we're allowed to be empowered or offended by; cuz that's not how it works!
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