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everythingsinred · 2 years ago

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 18)

Hey! I have a good reason for not posting on Sunday the way I planned. Partly. I was gonna, but then I remembered that I'd forgotten some of my notes at work and I thought to myself "Okay, I guess I can't do the post!" Seriously, I love doing these, but the actual posts are really annoying sometimes. Finding the pictures, trying to be funny in the captions... doing the fucking next and previous buttons. I hate doing those. Anyway!

I'm sure at this point we're more than ready to wrap up this arc, so let's do it, shall we? Mikan has just been hit with Persona's alice and it's not something one easily walks away from. Oh dear!

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Chapter Sixty-Eight

We rejoin Mikan at a pretty tense time. Her skin is newly covered in dark stains--the mark of death. She is in terrible pain. She is facing the news that she will die very soon. She’s already touched Persona, which means his alice has already done its job. As far as they all know, Mikan will die today.

Her friends are shocked, and so is she. These characters here are all children. Whether it’s finding out a friend is marked to die--or that you are--it’s not easy news to take. But they don’t even have the chance to fully process it because they’re still in an actively dangerous situation. Other than this news, there’s no real change here. Persona still wants to lock Natsume up, to destroy everyone’s happiness.

Even Yakumo protests against what happened, but Persona insists that it’s an accident, and that the school will agree, which riles Natsume up quite a bit. And before you start getting comfortable in the idea that Himemiya is one of the good guys, she reminds us that she is capricious and man-hating. She is so disgusted by Natsume’s behavior that she tightens the barrier on him. As a result, he doubles over in pain, giving Persona the chance to regain the upper hand through Nobara’s alice stone.

It’s important that Mikan sees this happen. Though she doesn’t know Himemiya is observing and pulling strings, she can see that Natsume is unwell, that he still hasn’t recovered from using his alice before. Mikan may not ever admit out loud or to herself that she knows deep down why Natsume is always ill, but she still knows. He is ill, and using so much of his alice, especially in a hostile area complete with a barrier, is not good for him. He’s fighting a losing battle. He can do all he can, but he’s not used to this environment, he’s already sick, and his alice is canceled out with Nobara’s alice stone anyway. He will lose.

Hotaru bravely tries to hit Persona, but she’s very weak while Persona is very strong. Ruka cries out her name (the real ones know why I mention that) and Mikan is able to stop Persona from attacking a loved one once more. Mikan is horrified that Persona would try to attack one of her friends again. She is always so stumped by the existence of the villains she encounters. She cannot understand why someone would do any of that, why someone would hurt somebody else.

(I think it’s very interesting that Mikan once saw Natsume in the same capacity, as a villain who hurt her friends, who she could not understand, who she saw as entirely bad. But because she saw him in an initially dark light and then gradually came to understand him and see the good in him, he might be one of the few people she sees as layered and complex as opposed to being entirely good or bad. But it is mostly evil that she views as unnuanced, because malice is one of the only things that she cannot empathize with. She cannot understand why somebody would want to hurt somebody else, which is why Persona is so repellent to her here. I'll always love comparing the villains as they progress arc to arc--what sets them apart, how they get progressively worse, etc.)

It's really sad to me that this is one of the prettiest arcs in terms of art style and yet the scans just... burnt it all up. I'm crying.

The stains have spread across her skin and the pain has intensified. It’s important to note that her skin isn’t just discolored. While all this is happening, Mikan is in terrible pain. She is in the process of dying. For a moment, she’s scared that the stains might be contagious, so she warns her friends not to get close. Mikan is already terrified that she will die, but she is prepared to die alone, because she doesn’t want to drag her friends into the same fate. Persona informs her that the stains are not contagious and can’t spread, but Mikan is still scared. She’s still dying, and agonizingly so.

“I don’t want to die,” she thinks to herself. “I’m scared.” None of those thoughts are surprising; anybody would react that way upon finding out their life is running out. Mikan, who couldn’t comprehend why Natsume would be willing to take his own life during the Reo Arc, values life more than any other character. Her own life is no exception.

But that’s not what she says out loud.

Instead, she admonishes Persona for trying to use such a despicable alice on her friends. She can feel the pain after all. She feels how awful it is. The only thing worse than dying is knowing that her friends could have been in her position instead. She is not angry that he used his alice on her; she’s angry that he tried using it on them. She makes her bold proclamations about never forgiving him and refusing to let him have his way but he seems largely unmoved. She’s already at death’s door. Hasn’t she had enough?

Actually, y'know what, I was right (I'm saying this to myself--you're not missing something). Aoi wasn't around to witness Nobara, so we know these aren't her thoughts, even though it's tempting to imagine it that way because she's standing there. This is Mikan, thinking about the people who have looked out for Natsume... a precious person... Where's that one tumblr that made that annoying post about Mikan being with Natsume, not out of genuine love and affection, but out of pity? I just wanna talk. And give you canon evidence that you're sorely mistaken.

Yes, Mikan is already at death’s door, which is why she’ll keep fighting. She’s already doomed anyway.

(Natsume has the same mentality.)

She is going to die anyway, so tells her friends to get out, to run away. They can escape while she holds Persona off with her alice. She’s a lost cause, so she might as well take advantage of it to protect the people she loves while she can. Mikan is scared, but what she says out loud is that she doesn’t care about her own well-being anymore. She doesn’t voice how she’s feeling because it’s not helpful. It would only worry her friends even more, when the situation isn’t anything they can help. If this would have proceeded the way Mikan imagines here, then she would die, by herself, scared and alone and in agony in the basement.

Her friends protest, but she is resigned to her fate, as much as it scares her. In Natsume’s corresponding essays, I made a lot of references to Mikan encroaching on Natsume’s habits, particularly to sacrifice himself at the drop of a hat.

Yes, they are similar in some ways. Both Natsume and Mikan think pretty little of themselves. Natsume hates his alice; Mikan views hers as lackluster and unimpressive. Both of their alices are really only any good in situations like this--life or death: his to attack, hers to protect. Thus, they are both best suited to this sort of alice-use. They both prioritize others’ happiness over their own. Thus, Mikan’s behavior here seems to echo Natsume’s behavior all the time. But I think there’s some key differences as well.

Most of all, Natsume is suicidal. He’s always ready to sacrifice his life for a number of reasons, which I best summarized during the Reo Arc in Chapter Sixteen. Yes, he’s a trained soldier, so he is aware that missions can go sideways, that things can escalate, that people can end up dead. Yes, it was drilled into him that his value is conditional and that death is sometimes even expected of him, depending on the mission. But more than anything, Natsume is always prepared to die because deep down, he kind of wants to.

Obviously falling in love with Mikan complicates that feeling, but he’s always been resigned to the fact that he and Mikan can’t ever be together, so that’s not something holding him back. He knows he will die, so maybe his martyr complex is motivated by pushing things along and speeding up the inevitable. We know that Natsume has been, to some extent, ready to die ever since he came to the academy, so whenever he goes on a dangerous mission, he is acutely aware that he might die. His life is pretty meaningless to him and he seems to not understand just how important he is to other people (in roles far more profound than simply “protector,” such as friend, son, brother, lover, etc.), which doesn’t help the suicidal feelings at all. If he must die, and if he kind of wants to, then at least his death can come with the added benefit or protecting his loved ones, right?

Death in slow motion.

Mikan’s situation is a little different. Though it’s indisputable that Mikan has a self esteem issue, she certainly is not suicidal. Whereas Natsume might be resigned to death, Mikan is very obviously frightened here. He might have been acutely aware that he was potentially facing death by coming here, but Mikan definitely was not. Mikan still has an idealistic idea that things can work out, that people can be saved, and that everyone will be safe if she wills it enough. Persona’s alice taking the toll that it does is entirely out of left field. She never, in her wildest dreams, would have imagined this could happen, that she could die here.

Her resignation isn’t related to suicidal ideation or even to giving up. Instead, it’s a sad kind of acceptance. As far as she knows, surviving Persona’s alice is impossible. She certainly doesn’t want to die, but she knows she will. After Pengy, she has come to terms with the fact that death is an inescapable risk during missions like this, so why should she be exempt? And she doesn’t want her friends to die with her. And so she tells them to run away, to leave her behind. She will fight Persona until she dies because there isn’t much else she can do in her state. Mikan is exhibiting a level of maturity she shouldn’t possess yet. She came to accept her imminent death in a matter of minutes, a difficult feat for grown adults, let alone an eleven-year-old girl.

She wants to protect these people. We’ve been watching Mikan this whole time, really, so we know that Mikan’s desire from the beginning was to be strong, to be able to protect people, to be able to sacrifice something for the people she loves. That’s why she calls herself “selfish” for asking them to leave. She’s always wanted to sacrifice herself, and this is her chance to do that. If she can’t do it now, on her deathbed, then she will die never having done it (in her view), which means that letting her die in the manner of her choosing, by keeping Persona at bay and letting them escape, would actually be benefiting her. It would be selfish of her.

It is for this reason that I said earlier that this arc could be, narratively speaking, the final arc. When it comes to Mikan’s character, things could feasibly be wrapped up here. From the beginning, what have we been looking for? Figuring Natsume out--check. Seeing if Mikan’s alice could be “useful”--check. Watching Mikan finally sacrifice something--check. Most of the main themes established within the first few chapters of the manga are addressed within this arc.

Of course, it’s not a very satisfying ending. We still have plenty of mysteries to solve and character arcs to wrap up, but for Mikan, you could reasonably argue that this arc could have been used to finish her story.

In any case, it’s also important that when she’s visualizing her protection she’s thinking so much of Natsume. I don’t think Natsume is the only person she’s thinking of, or that she wants to protect him much more than her other friends. Instead, I think that Ruka’s story is fresh in her mind. Natsume has spent his entire life protecting others. Mikan finds this simultaneously sad and admirable. In some way she covets his effortless selflessness while at the same time wishing he could be protected too. This choice to stay with Persona satisfies both of those feelings. She can now be the selfless one while also protecting Natsume for a change. (These feelings are intermingled with the contrasting desire to live, and to stay with the people she loves forever, and yet only the declarations of protection are said out loud. The helpless and sad thoughts stay inside. Mikan can be many things but she will not allow herself to be remembered sad.)

Apparently, Aoi has a similar thought process of watching (or rather hearing since she can't see) others protect, particularly her big brother. She considers this her chance too. Besides, she knows Persona. Maybe she can get through to him? So she pleads with him to stop, appealing to the humanity she’s sure he has. He’d always presented himself as kind to her, a victim rather than an oppressor, which is why she’s so certain that this behavior is out of character for him. She is still not quite aware that she’d been played, that she was his victim all along too.

(And yes I do truly believe Aoi was played here. I'm not a fan of Nobara and Persona ending up together, but Nobara did see all parts of him and was still patient and empathetic with him and you could argue there was a degree of transparency with them, especially towards the end, despite the clear abuse she endured at his hands. Aoi, on the other hand, was fed convenient information to keep her docile and pliant. He lied about their relationship and erased Natsume from her history so that she didn't complain about being trapped in the same prison he spent his childhood in. Again, Persona knows first-hand how horrendous that dungeon is and he was not just complicit but actively involved in keeping another child there. His chats with her might in some small part have been driven by the motivation to keep her company so she's not as lonely as he was, but it's still primarily selfish manipulation done without a lick of self-reflection. There's really nothing endearing to me about the way Persona treated Aoi. I just can't with this guy, honestly.)

Persona--somehow offended by Aoi begging him to… not kill her new friends? (I’m joking; obviously I’m fully aware of Persona’s fucked up psychology, but that still doesn’t excuse or justify any of his actions so they’re still ??? to me.)--insults Aoi and pretty much tells her she no longer has value enough to live, same rhetoric given to Natsume. He moves to use his alice on her, and Mikan once more takes the brunt of his alice to protect Aoi, and to protect Natsume.

(It’s interesting that Yakumo, who is perhaps the most solemn and serious member of the DA class yet, who takes orders like a champ and doesn’t deviate from them like Hayate or Rui did, is so horrified by Persona’s actions and speaks up against them. He seems most the quiet soldier type, the kind who follows all orders without question, and yet he still speaks up, protesting that Persona is going too far. I’m kind of sad that we get so little of him.)

Mikan has been told this whole time that one more hit of his alice and she would definitely end up dead. She doesn’t want to die, but Persona has been attacking her friends over and over again. It’s important to note that none of the times Mikan was hit were by Persona intentionally aiming for her. Each time, she made the conscious choice to put herself in danger to save a friend. The first time, she was unaware that her action would result in danger. The second time, she was more aware, but the situation still didn’t seem hopeless quite yet. But this third time, Mikan knows she’s signing her life away. This is perhaps the most informed of all three choices. This time, Mikan knows she will die, but she also knows that not doing so would be unacceptable. Not doing so would mean Aoi dies, and Aoi dying would be a tragedy because Aoi is a bright girl who deserves to live, but also because Aoi dying would mean Natsume suffers, and she cannot allow him to suffer anymore.

Mikan tackles Persona and thinks of her loved ones: Jii-chan, her friends, Natsume, Narumi-sensei… She silently begs them to lend her strength. All of the people she knows and admires, who all demonstrated strength and sacrifice time and time again, help her convictions in this moment.

Never fear, Dad is here!

And the ghost of her father, whose presence she has felt before, appears to “lend her strength,” heightening her alice, helping his daughter. I am certain that Mikan can feel his presence now too, but she doesn’t know exactly what she’s feeling and she’s already so unwell, so close to death, that she probably isn’t in the state to analyze it. Mikan does it: she defeats Persona, who runs off screaming and crying at the impact of his own alice.

Then she falls unconscious.

Chapter Sixty-Nine

How heart-breaking that this chapter’s cover is an impossible scene, of Mikan with her mysterious father, her mysterious protector, her favorite ghost. At this point, the reader is only aware of Mikan’s father in a limited sense: the sensei Yuka loved, the teacher who made such a large impact in the lives of the students, who apparently did not kill himself, who had the same alice as Mikan, the same desire to protect. We know very little about him (and Mikan knows far less than even we do), but we know he loves his daughter. The chapter title reminds us that she was robbed of that.

Anyway, there’s a lot going on with her friends, but Mikan is unconscious for a bit, so we’re going to focus on her internal struggle.

First, she is in excruciating pain. The stains are burning hot and she can feel her body desperately try to fight off Persona’s alice. She wants to live, and her body is doing what it can to keep her alive.

Secondly, she can hear a distant voice, the voice of a woman, wishing for Mikan to be resilient, to be able to defend herself, to protect someone she loves. It’s so interesting that Mikan, on the brink of death, is remembering the vague memory of the beginning of her life, when her mother made that wish. So the memory of her father stops by to assist her in defeating Persona, and then the memory of her mother soothes her as she fights off the mark of death trying to kill her. Mikan, who has no solid memories of her parents, is still comforted by them when she’s hurt. Like I said when Hotaru was dying from that poisonous bullet, little girls want their mommy and daddy when they’re hurt. And Mikan, for all of her self-sacrifice and noble declarations of protection, is still just a little girl.

Did I complain about the scans earlier? That was rude of me. It can always get worse, you know. The TokyoPops definitely aren't perfect but damn...

In any case, Mikan is unconscious for a little while, until, while her friends bicker with the student council over the consequences of their actions, Natsume proclaims that it’s all his fault, so he should take Aoi and leave the school.

It’s a fucking stupid plan. Everyone thinks so. I always cringe when he declares it and then Subaru and Sakurano instantly shut it down. Ugh. He can be a dumbass sometimes too. The martyr complex makes him an idiot from time to time.

But Mikan is awake and can hear him. Even in her weak state, she speaks up, asking if he’s really leaving the school. “Leaving us?” HMM. I have a lot of thoughts on this.

First, I will admit that this chapter kinda bores me. It’s my least favorite part of this arc. I find it a little lackluster since most of the rest of the arc is so intense. Regardless, this little moment where Mikan asks Natsume where he’s going is one of my favorite little moments, even thought it only lasts two pages (shorter than their kiss, even, though I'd argue a lot of scenes are).

Mikan, who is currently in the process of dying, is so disturbed by the idea of Natsume leaving (even though she might not even be around to miss him), that she pulls herself up to call out to him and ask him if he’s serious. We already know from the Z Arc just how much Mikan hates the idea of being without Natsume. That wish to keep him with her was powerful enough that her alice could work from all the way across the room, even without the proximity or tackling she usually uses. But this time, it’s Natsume’s idea to leave. There’s no alice to nullify or enemies that she can currently vanquish to keep him with her. All she can do is ask him if he’s going to really leave.

She is to weak to actively follow the conversation, but talk of Natsume leaving is simply not acceptable.

And, of course, there's the fascinating fact that she says, “You’re going to leave us?” which is the safer thing to ask. I’ve talked enough about Mikan’s reluctance to make herself vulnerable with Natsume, to say the hard and scary thing. If you thought that hesitation might be lessened by her present condition, you are sorely mistaken! She has so far been dishonest with her feelings, even on the brink of death, keeping to herself how scared and hurt she truly is. So far she hasn’t confessed her fear with anybody. She can’t even phrase it properly in her head either, because even her own thoughts ask if Natsume is “leaving all of us?” You know what I’m about to say, because, yes, Natsume would be leaving everybody, but her most pressing concern is that he’d be leaving her. “Us” seems safer than “me,” just like “You’re ignoring people” or “saying people’s names all of a sudden,” so on and so forth forever. Mikan is people, whenever it comes to Natsume. She’d rather be part of a group that is affected by Natsume, rather than one person who loves him so much she can’t stand the thought of losing him. “Are you leaving us?” is a general question. Leaving the school, his class, etc. Is he going? “Are you leaving me?” on the other hand, is personal, vulnerable, heavy, and scary, perhaps even scarier to admit than that she might be dying. Facts versus feelings. It’s all very complicated.

Anyway, Natsume gets his plan ripped to shreds by Subaru and Sakurano, which is a huge relief, because that means he probably won’t actually be going anywhere (but how dare he even consider it, right? Especially because that plan was stupid and wouldn't have fixed anything). Ruka speaks up, declaring that Aoi shouldn’t be forced to stay at the school, held over Natsume’s head, when she doesn’t even have an alice anymore. This leads to Tono coming up with the idea to out the school as having kept a non-alice in the school against her will, which is very bad PR. (I also find this resolution so lackluster. A newspaper scandal solves this whole issue? What??? …Irrelevant.)

Everyone plays a role in sending out the paper planes, even dying Mikan, in order to liberate Aoi and clear Natsume’s name. In no time at all, their plan pans out and the kids are in the clear (though their actions will bear heavy consequences to come). Mikan watches Natsume and Aoi on the TV, and because her reaction takes a whole sparkly panel, I think it’s noteworthy.

So apparently these scans aren't just lackluster, they're also out of order! Crim and I were noticing that when she was helping me with translations. In any case, special shout out to Crim for always being so helpful! Without her, these essays would be inaccurate and sorely lacking!

Mostly, I think Mikan is relieved here. Their plan worked, which means Natsume can stay here after all. He won’t be leaving her, which means he can stay by her side for at least a little longer. Whether she can admit it to herself or not, whether she’s even aware of it or not, Mikan is in love with Natsume, and, as a result, the idea of him leaving in any capacity is deeply upsetting to her. Finding out that the plan to keep him here is working is thus a huge relief.

The chapter ends with Mikan’s condition getting worse and a stone appearing in her hand. Though, to be honest, I think that her condition was “getting worse” because it was peaking before she started getting better. When you’re sick, the bacteria or virus attempts to hurt you from the inside. Most symptoms of sickness--in whatever form--are actually the body’s own defense. A fever is the body’s way of burning the disease. Vomiting is the body’s way of forcefully expelling it. Persona’s alice isn’t a disease in the same way that a virus or bacteria is, but he’s still making her ill, trying to kill her. And her body is fighting back.

So finding out that her fever is spiking is a good thing, because it means her body is fighting even harder to keep her alive. The fact that she first utilizes her stealing alice here is further proof of her fierce desire to live. As a NatsuMikan shipper, I like to believe that her earlier relief at Natsume being able to stay might have given her the last push she needed to fully save herself. There’s no real proof of that, other than the order of events (first we see her watching Natsume on TV, then we see her save herself with a dormant alice she didn’t even know she had), but I’m still inclined to believe it.

Chapter Seventy

I won’t analyze the conversation the others have about Mikan possibly possessing the stealing alice. It’s not relevant to her or to NatsuMikan. I’ll talk more about Mikan, the stealing alice, and her relationship to Yuka later on when it becomes more relevant.

For now, we’re skipping ahead in time to a week later, when Mikan is finally up after a period of healing. Once again, a big adventure “ends safely,” with all her friends (and her!) alive and well. She’s reunited with her classmates and feeling just fine despite Persona’s many attempts to murder her. She and the others aren’t allowed to talk about what happened at the Hanahimeden, though, which is one major downside. Their punishment is being postponed due to a lack of evidence, but that’s just the formal side of things. We know, since we’ve already read this story (presumably? It would be weird if you were getting all your GA info second-hand from me!!) that the ESP is planning on punishing the kids in his own way.

Must be a miracle.

In any case, today is Aoi’s release day, when she will finally be reunited with her father after almost three long years. Her memories have been fully restored and her blindness has finally been cured (proving once more that Persona was telling her lies in the cage about having to wait until she earned the right to be cured). Aoi sees Mikan for the first time and they share another sweet moment of connection (why couldn’t Aoi have stayed to join Class B??? Grr!!!), where Mikan assures everyone that’s just fine now, though she has no idea how.

Tono, Hotaru, and Tsubasa have joked to her about her “taking” their alices, references she doesn’t understand. Ultimately, despite what others may think, Mikan regards her recovery as a miracle. I think it makes sense that she would too, since she was able to defeat Persona with the miraculous aid of a ghost (whose presence she certainly felt even if she couldn’t analyze the situation), so why couldn’t that same ghost, or that mysterious woman whose voice she heard, have helped her get better somehow? Mikan is certainly the type to believe in miracles, because Mikan believes in happy endings. If logic and reason or skill and willpower can’t acquire the happy ending, then divine intervention will. She believes that good will prevail. Even now.

Natsume points out that this was supposed to be a small, quiet affair, saying goodbye to Aoi. But everyone wanted to see his little sister, and they also, according to Koko, wanted to know if he was really going to leave with her.

Mikan watches Natsume, suddenly worried all over again. Aoi will be safely returned to her family, but all of Natsume’s actions, including coming to the academy in the first place, were motivated by protecting his sister. If she’s no longer here to be used as a bargaining chip, then will Natsume leave with her, or try to escape somehow? She is genuinely worried that he will say yes, that he will leave after all. And Mikan really doesn’t want that.

“Is he leaving everyone?”

“Is he leaving us?”

Higuchi Tachibana sticking with this evasiveness of Mikan's when it comes to Natsume (an evasiveness she doesn't have with any other character) is so important, because it makes the moments where she's honest so much more potent. I say this because the Sports Fest is on the horizon...

I don’t know why “us” would be the emphatic after “everyone,” since they refer to the same generalized plural, other than for the exact same reasons I outlined in Chapter Sixty-Nine. When she says “us,” she means “me.” But it’s not easy to admit that she wants him to stay by her side, or, on the other hand, to admit that his leaving would feel like she was personally being left behind. Regardless of what she is or isn’t willing to admit to herself, that’s certainly the concern here.

But he announces to everyone that he’s not leaving. That should be a huge relief because Mikan was genuinely so worried that she’d parted from him, but it’s still not a happy moment, because if he’s not leaving, that means that he won’t be spending anymore time with Aoi, with whom he was only recently reunited. It’s still sad for him, even if Mikan is happy that he won’t be leaving her.

Aoi asks everyone to take care of her brother, voicing gratefulness that she was able to meet everyone. She regrets that she couldn’t be their classmate (and she speaks for me as well, because I have no idea why she couldn’t be! Have her stay! Why even introduce her in the first place if she’s just gonna be written off right away? I don’t get it.). She and their father will make a happy home, where they will be waiting to welcome Natsume so he can have a happy life with them. And then Mikan watches as Natsume, Aoi, and Ruka reunite with their parents. Mikan knows their story, particularly how Natsume never even got a proper goodbye with his father. She is moved to tears by the reunions.

Is it her? I think it's her. Even with her denial, her thoughts are so loving...

There’s someone’s thoughts saying “Natsume, Natsume,” and I can’t help but assume it’s Mikan, who is just happy to see him finally get something good happen to him. He saw his father again, was reunited with his sister, and was finally able to say a proper goodbye to both, after all this time. It feels like a victorious moment, like a win, and for her too. Mikan fought so hard in the Hanahimeden to secure Natsume’s happiness. All she wanted that whole day was for Natsume to finally get what he deserved, for his suffering to cease. It seems like she’s finally achieved her goal.

She wonders aloud if she’ll see her grandpa soon (sooner than you might imagine, Mikan…), which causes her to panic about the ESP’s postponed punishment. Hotaru tells her that her biggest concern should be to behave from now on, because even the slightest slip up could result in a demotion of star rank, which means Mikan could end up a no star again!

Cute!

Ruka throws his stars away, declaring that he’s now a no-star too. It’s a symbolic gesture--he’s still a triple and will still be treated as such--but he’s simultaneously challenging the stupid hierarchy that chained Natsume down to begin and aligning himself with Mikan to both comfort her and rebel against the school.

What this means for Mikan is that her situation is different now than it was when she first came to the school. She’s now close friends with all her classmates. They’re all willing to help her out and be on her team. Whatever may come next, she won’t be dealing with it alone. They will be by her side.

Even Natsume, who’s smiling brightly now just like everyone else.

(So she really did do it, huh? Secure his happiness by reuniting him, however temporarily, with his sister? Or, you know, by being the love of his life. Whatever works!)

Anyway, I said I had notes, and now that the arc is finished I can share. I said at the beginning of this essay that seasons play a meaningful role in Mikan's story. Starting with winter, moving into summer, then tasting the cruel loss of autumn, and now back to winter.

"[W]inter represents sorrow, struggle, and of course death."

Quite obviously, Persona is a clear mirror for the most negative aspects of winter. He threatens to take Natsume away from her, promising loss and loneliness, especially so soon after Mikan realizes just how at place and accepted Natsume makes her feel. Furthermore, his dangerous alice is inherently related to death and decay--when he uses it on Mikan, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that she will die. Thus, Mikan goes through a struggle of her own, ultimately choosing her friends' safety and Natsume's happiness over her own life, though it's not an easy choice to make. Persona represents the evil school in this arc, too, so Mikan finally understands the school's capacity for malice here, in winter. Though you could argue before that the school was mainly fun and games with the occasional screwup, now the corruption and deceitfulness of the academy are undeniable. Evil is more clear now, especially to Mikan, than ever before.

Additionally, we have Natsume--a lonely, dark, emotionless, sad, evil character. Except, that's not an apt description, is it? This Discovering Natsume arc let us explore his depths. Winter is as much a Natsume season symbolically as you can get, which is why we get his backstory here. Though we--and Mikan--know Natsume better than to trust anything directly on the surface. He, like winter, may appear harsh and cruel and even evil, and Mikan finds herself at odds with him a lot in this season, particularly with his confusing and mysterious motives. But she's misunderstanding him, just as people misunderstand winter. Winter is not evil. it is not cold to cause suffering. It is necessary to face the cold chill of winter in order to meet the warmth of spring. It has to be done, however unpleasant, so winter does it. Similarly, Natsume is cold out of necessity, not sadism. Mikan finally understands that and via this understanding, she's finally able to see just how lonely he's been, how dark and despairing his life has been. There's really no better season for the arc than this.

This arc wraps up the winter season, more or less. The next arc is a transition arc, which means I won't be talking about seasons. Nonetheless, I'll discuss spring during the Sports Fest, summer during the Escape Arc, and then winter again... all in due time.

Conclusion

This arc ended pretty "safely," though there's plenty of questions about the consequences of the kids' actions. What will happen going forward when punishment seems so certain? Who's to say? Additionally, now that Mikan has "discovered" Natsume (though there's more to come), her feelings will start cementing. She already loved him, of course, but it's becoming undeniable, even for her, though she will do her very best.

I take notes on these at work, yes. I ponder a theme and take notes--literary notes. I write little musings or I doodle or I look through random Wikipedia rabbit holes, but I usually play sudoku. Recently I had the idea of learning Japanese so I spent all of my Friday shift practicing hiragana. I made a pretty handy color coded chart that I'm proud of. We'll see how it goes. I want to learn Japanese for many reasons, but I won't lie that one compelling reason is my desire to finally play the GA game I've had for years now that I can't play otherwise.

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