#they ruined dean and i’ll never forgive them <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[lesbianjackkline]

spn finale taking a leaf out of six feet under’s book (a show that ended the year spn began and who’s finale makes me cry like a baby), but making it shit

[ourloveisforthelovely]

In Love and Death. Part 3

Harry Potter AU

Link to Part 2 

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M

_____

“I’m going to kill you.”

Evan’s voice was filled with fury as he started toward Regulus. He didn’t care that his best friend was backing up and trying to speak in his best “calming a child” tone.

“Evan, you need to calm down. Y/n, is a grown woman and it's her choice.”

Evan laughed hard.

“She’s a grown woman and it's her choice? Did you really just quote some bullshit social justice crap at me, Black? You were there when she was born. I’ll never forgive you for this! Avada…”

Before Evan could finish the rest of the curse, Regulus shot up in bed.

“Reggie?”

Your voice was soft as Regulus sunk back down beside you.

“Everything’s fine.”

He said, gently. You yawned and snuggled against Regulus’ shoulder. He was thankful that you didn’t press him further for questions.

The only reason that you are lucky is that she’s tired.

His mind supplied. Regulus knew that if you were awake you would have started asking questions. His nightmares had been a frequent topic of discussion. You had been the one to comfort him when Regulus would wake up screaming.

Regulus sighed as your fingers twirled in his hair. This was your “go-to” method to make him relax.

“Everything will be fine.”

You said with a small yawn.

“Yes, it will.”

Regulus replied. He didn’t believe a damn word coming out of his mouth. How everything was going to be alright was beyond him.

The next morning, you were the first to wake up. Regulus lay with his left arm over his eyes. You briefly considered waking him up to come downstairs with you but after his nightmare; you decided to let him sleep. Leaning over, you pressed a kiss to his cheek before getting up.

Going downstairs, you decided to ignore everyone else. No one had tried to apologize for the hurtful things that Moody had said. You didn’t expect anything from Moody himself but you had expected Tonks to come and try to talk you down. When your best friend didn’t come, your grandmother’s chilling words about “there are no such things as friends...there is only family” returned with a vengeance.

Several sets of eyes looked up when you stepped into the kitchen. Sirius was the first out of his chair. You held a hand up.

“Don’t. I’m fine.”

You replied. Sirius frowned and shot Moody a glare.

“I wanted to check on you.”

“Well, here I am. The same person that I was last night. You could have checked on me then too.”

Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I was not about to walk in on you having sex with my little brother. I do not want to think about the two of you like that.”

Sirius grinned when you smirked. There was the girl that he knew!

“Fair enough.”

You replied as Kreacher popped out of nowhere with a cup of tea. His little smushed face looked at you with eyes full of love. You made a mental note to tell Regulus that he needed to talk to the elf about getting a grip. Of course, if Regulus talked to the elf in any form of displeased expression the poor creature would probably start sobbing and grab onto Regulus’ leg pathetically.

“So, we wanted to apologize for that unpleasant scene last night.”

Sirius said as he shooed Kreacher off. You raised an eyebrow.

“First off, you didn’t do anything. You just stood there laughing like a maniac. Kind of strange but most things don’t surprise me anymore.”

Tonks jumped up from her seat.

“Please take back what you said. I don’t want you to quit. You're my favorite partner. You’re the Dean to my Sam...the…”

You held up your hand with a smile. Tonks wrapped her arms around you. You let your friend hug you for a moment before pulling away.

“I’m not giving Regulus up. I know none of you like it but I don’t care. He and I are leaving.”

Tonks stepped back with her hand over her mouth as Remus stood up.

“It's too dangerous. Your family knows that you are an auror. If it comes down to it, they will tell Voldemort everything. Now that Regulus is alive, he will be even more thrilled to come after you.”

You shrugged.

“Hopefully between Regulus and myself, one of us can do some magic and protect ourselves. Now, if you charming lot will excuse me, I have some errands to run.”

20 minutes later, Regulus came into the room looking like he had the hangover from hell. Sirius smirked up from his tea.

“For someone who got laid last night, you sure look awful.”

Regulus flipped Sirius off before sitting down.

“I’m not discussing my sex life with you.”

“Thank you.”

Moody snapped. Regulus didn’t even bother looking at the older man. The last thing that Regulus really wanted to do was deal with Mad-Eye Moody. Regulus had enough on his plate with the nightmares, keeping you safe, and figuring what the hell was going on in the world around him without Moody’s help.

“No one asked you. Where is Y/n?”

Sirius leaned back.

“Said she had some errands. She also said that the two of you were leaving.”

Regulus nodded.

“What does it matter to you all?”

Tonks was looking at Regulus like she was about to burst into tears.

“Because there is a hole in my heart where Y/n is supposed to be.”

Regulus gave her a disgusted scowl.

“That’s lame.”

Tonks jumped up.

“She was my best friend before you turned up!”

Remus stood up and pulled Tonks back down to her seat before Regulus’ shotgun temper went off. To his surprise, Regulus sat calmly

“She’s my girlfriend now. All of you might as well accept it and yes, we are leaving. You lot can carry on without us.”

Sirius decided to come back in.

“We need you both here. Whether some of us want to admit it or not, the two of you are useful. Y/n has connections to her psycho family and all of the dark magic that has to be stored in that brain of yours…”

Regulus held a hand up.

“You don’t know anything about me.”

Sirius frowned and scooted his chair out. Was Regulus still feeling salty over his brother’s leaving home all those years ago. The scowl on Regulus’ face was the same one that he wore as Sirius packed his trunk to run off to the Potter’s.

“Yes, I do! You’re my brother.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah? When is my birthday? What flavor of cake do I like? What did I say to you the night that you ran away to the Potters?”

Sirius blinked a few times before scratching his head. Regulus stood up to make a cup of tea.

“I rest my case. You know nothing about me.”

Moody finally stood up. He was tired of listening to the bull shit of the morning.

“That’s enough.”

He snapped as he limped toward Regulus and threw a file down in front of him.

“You want to be a part of our group. Take a look at this and tell me what you see?”

Regulus picked up the folder and thumbed through a bunch of photos of dead people He frowned before stopping on one that made his heart freeze...your mother. Regulus’ eyes rolled up to Moody’s face.

“Look at that, you noticed it too.”

Regulus focused back on Emma’s dead body. He had to bite his lip at how much you resembled your mother as well.

“Does the way that her body is laying seem familiar at all?”

Moody asked with a sneer. Regulus focused on the position before his mouth dropped. This was exactly how Evan left people after killing them.

“Evan…”

Moody nodded.

“Now you're catching on. Too bad it took you so long being hungover and all…”

Regulus was moments short of a massive freak out. Was Evan alive? Did he actually know about Regulus’ relationship with you and better yet, where the hell were you at?

“I don’t know how it happened. Dead people keep turning up as living. Voldemort is figuring things out that we don’t know.”

Regulus was on his feet and digging the stupid cell phone out of his pocket. He began to pace as he waited for you to answer.

Sirius had come over to join him with a concerned expression.

“What is it?”

“She isn’t answering. I have to get a hold of Y/n.”

(meanwhile)

You sat in a coffee shop with a steaming cup of coffee in front of you. Stirring the liquid, you took a look around your surroundings. This was the first time that you had come to this particular place.

It's no wonder coffee is so popular.

You thought, taking a sip. A man in the corner had quickly gotten your attention at this point. Antonin Dolohov. You had been looking for this particular death eater for some time. Going after him alone was stupid. You considered calling for Tonks but instead remained frozen.

Dolohov was blissfully unaware that you were watching his every move. He was eagerly nibbling away on some coffee cake while talking to a companion that you could not see.

I hope this place has insurance.

You thought before slowly standing up. This was probably a stupid move and your friends would probably be furious later.

I’ll ask for forgiveness instead of potentially losing this creep again.

Dolohov didn’t move as you stepped behind him.

“You are foolish for coming out in public, Dolohov.”

The man froze before turning and looking at you with wild eyes. He smiled ruefully when he realized that you were alone.

“Rosier, you’re alone.”

You nodded.

“Yeah, because I can haul your ass right off to Azkaban where you belong.”

Dolohov smirked. He knew that he had the upper hand against a new auror. Plus he had the perfect hand in this card game.

“Where I belong? I have a gift for you.”

Your hand was on your wand as Dolohov leaned to his left to reveal the companion...your father. Seeing the face that you hadn’t seen in many years, was enough to leave you standing with your mouth open. Evan Rosier looked as perfect as he did the last time that you had laid eyes on him. His blue eyes were looking furiously at you.

“Y/n.”

“D..dad.”

You stammered as Evan stood up. He was taller than you remembered. Dolohov meanwhile sat watching gleefully as Evan began to speak.

“My daughter is an auror. MY DAUGHTER IS A BLOOD TRAITOR.”

He yelled, making you jump back.

“I stopped drinking the Koolaid.”

You replied, smugly. Evan’s frown intensified as he stepped closer. He had already killed your mother. It looked like giving you a proper punishment was in order. Evan was not about to let you ruin the Rosier family name.

“I could kill you. I should kill you.”

“Over my dead body…”

Both Evan and yourself turned upon hearing Regulus’ voice. The two of you were so locked into the conversation that no one had noticed Regulus step in. Evan’s mouth dropped.

“Look who it is. A bit late to the party aren’t you?”

Regulus reached out and grabbed your hand. You didn’t fight as he pulled you into his arms. Evan’s scowl intensified.

“What’s happening here?”

Dolohov grinned from his place at the table. He had gone back to nibbling on his coffee cake but when Regulus showed up; there was no looking away.

“Looks like Reg is all over that daughter of yours in a less than holy way.”

“No one asked you!”

Evan snapped to his fellow death eater. He quickly turned back to Regulus.

“Get your hands off of my child.”

Regulus smirked. He was quickly getting back to his cocky self. After almost throwing a killing curse at Evan when he saw the man near you; Regulus was ready to get his head in the game.

“I don’t think that she is a child anymore. Honestly, I figured that you would be thrilled. I’m a pureblood. She’s a pureblood. Good match, if I do say so myself. Oh wait, we aren’t part of your stupid circle of ignorance anymore. I didn’t come to get in a fight with you. I only came for what’s mine.”

Regulus wrapped his arms around you and was ready to apparate from the room.

“Now that I got it, I must bid you a fond farewell.”

Evan still looked as though he was putting together the fact that you were dating Regulus. You were no longer a little 4-year-old child but instead, a woman whose ideals were far different from his own.

“Don’t you take her from me.”

Evan snapped. Regulus gave him an eyebrow wiggle before disappearing. Evan stood, shaking as Dolohov stood up and wandered over to the place where you had stood with Regulus.

“They are so fucked.”

______

@fairywriter-oracle

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[luci-in-trenchcoats]

The Wedding Date (Part 3)

Summary: When the reader is in desperate need of a date to her sister’s wedding, she calls a service to fulfill the need and ends up meeting Dean Winchester…

Masterlist

Pairing: AU!Dean x reader

Word Count: 5,400ish

Warnings: language, family angst/drama, fluff

A/N: Enjoy the final part!...

_______

You woke up to Dean stretching in bed, his arms raised up overhead before he tucked them back in his chest and burrowed down in the blankets. He smiled at you and you rubbed your eyes, closing them again.

“Sleep good?” he asked.

“Yeah. I don’t really want to face the world just yet,” you said. 

“When’s the rest of the family get here?”

“Tomorrow people will start trickling in. I was supposed to have some girl’s day thing with my two sisters. I’d sort of rather jump in a vat of lava right now.”

“We can still go home if you want to,” he said.

“It’s still my sister’s wedding. I can’t ruin it,” you said. 

“Okay. Then let’s kick today in the ass and see if we can make it better than yesterday was,” he said. “We can make fun of your brothers at breakfast if you want.”

“Oh that does sound fun,” you laughed. Dean reached a hand up and ran it over your head. “Still hurt?”

“My hand? I told you I’m fine,” he said. “Just a little scratch.”

“I know you were scared last night,” you said. He stopped moving his hand and you turned your head. “I was scared.”

“Yeah it was scary,” he said quietly. “But I’m okay. I’m gonna shower quick before we get something to eat.”

“Okay. I’m gonna get dressed,” you said. Dean smiled and rolled out of bed, popping into the bathroom. You watched the door shut and sat up, running your hands over your face. 

At least you could try to face the day. Maybe if Dean was there today wouldn’t be as horrible as you imagined it’d be.

After a minute you got up and went to your bag, throwing on a pair of ripped jean shorts and a band tank top you normally wouldn’t be caught dead wearing in front of your family. You put your hair up in a bun as Dean walked out in his towel.

“I’m all set in the bathroom,” he said, standing in front of his bag, pulling out a few things. “Is today more casual?”

“Today I stop trying to impress my family,” you said.

“That’s my girl,” he said, giving you a big smile. “You still planning on going out with your sisters?”

“Yeah. I said some things last night to them both. I think facing just the two of them at once will be better than my whole family,” you said. “My brothers were going on some hike to get drunk with the guys. You were invited to go along on that.”

“I think I will,” he said.

“Don’t murder them please.”

“I won’t. But I can’t guarantee I keep my mouth shut and play nice the whole time. It doesn’t matter if you’re their half sister. Treating you like an outcast for a mistake your mom made was completely wrong. There’s a line between teasing older brother and being mean and they crossed it.”

“...I know. Go easy on Jason. He’s the only one that was willing to tell the truth. He’s the one that dragged me inside last night and came to check on me,” you said. “I’ll uh, be ready to go in a minute.”

“Take your time.”

You slipped into the bathroom to finish getting ready, exiting a few minutes later to see Dean in a short sleeve henley and a pair of black shorts, a baseball hat on his head. You were both quiet as you headed down stairs, Dean taking leaning back against the elevator wall as you rode it down.

“We going to talk about last night?” he asked.

“I thought we already did.”

“I mean the me kissing you thing.”

“What’s to talk about?” you asked. He straightened up and you watched the doors open. He moved to leave but you grabbed his hand. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it. If something happens, it happens.”

“Alright,” he said. He had a big smirk on his face before he kissed you, humming as he pulled you after him out to the hall. “So where’s breakfast?”

“Dining...room,” you said, shaking your head at him.

“Take your breath away?” he teased.

“Oh, don’t get cocky, Winchester,” you said, slapping his shoulder. He hummed, chuckling when he caught the smile on your face. It was wiped away though when you walked into the dining area and you saw a few family members sitting at a table off to the side. You swallowed and went to the opposite side of the restaurant, your dad coming over after you’d ordered.

“Morning, sweetie,” he said. “Dean.”

“Mr. Y/L/N,” said Dean.

“How’re you doing?” he asked you.

“I’m just dandy,” you said. 

“Your sister doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. If you don’t want to be part of the wedding anymore, she says that’s okay. She won’t make you stay if you don’t want to,” he said.

“I guess now that the cats out of the bag, no need to even pretend anymore, right? That’s fine. If she doesn’t want me here, if any of you don’t, then I’m gone. But I’m staying gone,” you said. 

“Y/N she doesn’t want you gone,” he said. “No one does.”

“Yes they do. You know they were mean to me as a kid. You didn’t care. I don’t blame you. I’m not even yours,” you said as you stood up. “Dean, I think maybe we should get breakfast on the road home. Tell people whatever you want, dad. Obviously this is already a thing and it’s Lauren’s wedding. Let her have what she wants.”

You brushed past him, not even waiting for Dean. A moment later you were back in your room and finishing up with your bags, Dean slipping inside with a cautious look.

“What.”

“I think you need to decide if you want to cut off your family for good or not because the vibe I was getting in that room, if you leave this wedding, they won’t forget that and you’ll never be close to them again. It might be there but it’ll always be in the back of their minds that you doubt them and the back of yours that they don’t want you.”

“What does that mean?” you sighed.

“It means maybe the assholes love you. My father can be a bastard, king of the assholes. His heart attack and life choices are the reason I’m standing here in this room. I’ve spent a lot of time angry at him for that. But I love him and he loves me. I think for the first time they know that they hurt you all these years. Giving them a chance is up to you but this morning in bed, you sounded like you were willing to give them that. So give it to them.”

“...how’d you forgive him?” you asked.

“He didn’t ask to almost die. I remember how scared I was that night. Last night your family tried to protect you from what they thought was danger. Somewhere under the snide comments, there’s the real deal,” he said.

“I’ll give them a chance,” you said. “Come on. Let’s go see if our breakfast is still there.”

“You sure you don’t want me to go with you?” asked Dean as you saw your sisters in the lobby after your meal, the two of them staring at you.

“It’s a girls day. I’ll be okay. If I’m not, I’ll text you that I want to get the hell out of here,” you said.

“Okay. You’ll be alright,” he said, giving your hand a squeeze before you headed over to them. You swallowed, Lauren and Aria sharing a look.

“Is there a problem?” you asked.

“No,” said Lauren quickly. 

“We were thinking of ditching the girls day thing,” she said.

“Oh,” you said, crossing your arms and kicking at the ground.

“If you still want to we totally can,” said Lauren. “Whatever you want, Y/N. Promise.”

You stared at her, watching her force a smile on her face.

“If you want me to go home, just tell me,” you said. She was already shaking her head, giving Aria a quick look that made your oldest sister sigh.

“Let’s just go to the pool and get drunk,” she said. She grabbed both of your hands and started pulling you along, Dean giving you a small wave as you left. She released you when you followed Lauren and stuck your feet in the pool, Aria leaving for a moment and coming back with three very fruity looking drinks. 

You sipped at yours, watching Lauren nearly knock the whole thing back. You raised an eyebrow as Aria sat on your other side.

“What is this?” you asked.

“I’m sorry,” said Lauren. You turned your head and she was already crying. “I didn’t know I did that to you. I didn’t…”

“Lauren had an eating disorder too,” said Aria quietly. “We talked last night. It was around the time she had hers that we think you got yours.”

“I just thought...no one would notice I wasn’t eating if I wasn’t the only one so I said shitty stuff and then you wouldn’t do it too and mom and dad never said anything,” she said, her shoulders tarting to shake. “I’m sorry. I know how horrible it is. I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t-”

“Lauren,” you said. “Calm down.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping her face off and keeping her head low. You stared across the pool, Aria leaning back.

“I’m sorry too,” said Aria after a beat. “I’m sorry I ruined relationships for you and I’m sorry that you felt like you had to hire a guy for a stupid wedding. No offense, Laur.”

“S’fine,” she mumbled.

“Why were you always so mean to me?” you asked quietly.

“You know how last night we said there was an incident when you were little,” said Aria.

“Mom and dad said not to talk about it,” said Lauren.

“Talk about what?” you asked.

“When you were three, the rest of us...we were all 10 to 18 years old. Things had been a little funny since mom was pregnant with you. She and dad seemed off but we never talked about it. You guys were out of town. Mom and dad took you to disney, remember?”

“Kinda. Did something happen there?” you asked.

“It happened at home,” said Lauren, glancing over to Aria.

“A man broke in the house looking for you. Jason and I tried to get him out but he hit Jason and then me. Lauren and Brent made it upstairs but he found them. He had us all sit down in the living room and wanted to know where you were. Jason didn’t want to tell him. Something was wrong with the guy. But he said some things, this guy did, about what he’d do to us. Jason said no again and-”

“He got the shit beat out of him, right in front of us,” said Lauren. 

“I told him where you were,” said Aria. “He left after that. Jason was in the hospital a few days. I figured you were safe with mom and dad all the way down there with all those people. Jason was the biggest and toughest out of all of us. If he didn’t stand a chance against the guy, none of us did. So we got scared and we’d been threatened and Jason nearly died, all because of you. It’s not why it happened but we were stupid kids. We’ve always thought he might come back someday.”

“I get it now,” you said quietly.

“Doesn’t make it right,” said Aria. “I was sixteen. You were three. I threw you under the bus and we all talked shit about how that wouldn’t have happened to us if it weren’t for you. When mom and dad told us the truth about that guy being your dad, it was fuel on the fire.”

“You were still kids,” you said, kicking your feet in the water some. “He ever come back?”

“We don’t know. We all had some weird stuff happen to us but we can’t be sure,” said Aria.

“You’re quiet,” you said to Lauren.

“I don’t like to think about that night,” she said. “Jason was in bad shape.”

“He was trying to protect her, Lauren,” said Aria. “He’s the only one that ever has. We’re just assholes. He’s always been the one stuck in between.”

“This guy hurt you too?” you asked. Aria shrugged and you sat back.

“It sorta felt like that time I got hit in the face with a volleyball during a game. It was a long time ago. Like I said, it doesn’t matter. We just...we fucked up, Y/N. It was never your fault. The longer it went on, the easier it got to be that way,” said Aria.

“Do you guys hate me?” you asked.

“No. I hate how I’ve acted but not you. We bullied our kid sister because we were scared. It’s never been because we hate you,” she said. You turned towards Lauren, her head still hanging low.

“I don’t know when I got it in my head that everything that went wrong was your fault but that’s what happened. Last night...I guess I realized what a horrible human being I am,” she said. “I mean you freaking hired a guy to be your date and I made that stupid mean teasing comment and I knew it’d piss you off and-”

“Lauren,” said Aria. “Babbling again.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t hate you, Y/N. I really do want you to be one of my bridesmaids. I do.”

“S’not alright,” you said, turning your head, looking at them both. “But I’m willing to give you guys a second chance. I’d like to have sisters for once.”

“We don’t deserve a chance,” said Lauren.

“Hey. I’m the self-depreciator, not you,” you said, bumping her shoulder. “I’m sorry that stuff happened. I’m not going to be over it all in one day or one week but you guys are my sisters, even if it’s only half.”

“Okay,” she said.

“Sounds good,” said Aria, finishing off her drink. “Is that Dean guy sticking around?”

“He’s cute,” said Lauren. “And super into you.”

“I think he has a crush,” said Aria.

“It’s gotten complicated,” you said, rubbing the back of your neck. “Obviously I hired him to pretend but yesterday we spent the day talking a lot and then last night we got drunk and he kissed me but he did it again this morning so I don’t know. He’s kinda the one that encouraged me to try and make up with you guys.”

“Well he’s head over heels so I wouldn’t worry about him running off,” said Aria.

“His butt is cute too,” said Lauren. Aria reached around you and whacked her.

“I mean, she’s not wrong. I saw him in just a towel this morning,” you said.

“Lucky you,” said Aria with a smirk. “You see him without the towel too?”

“No! I am so not ready for that. We’re just...going slow with whatever this even is. It’s so weird,” you said.

“Oh, it’s not that weird, right, Lauren?” teased Aria. Lauren’s face started to blush and you raised an eyebrow. “Why don’t you tell Y/N how you and Calvin really met, hm?”

“I take it that it wasn’t at that fundraiser?” you asked.

“He worked at a strip club,” she said. You stared at her, a smile growing on your face. “Oh my God. I don’t like, go to those places. It was for a bachorelette party and he was the guy and there was a definite vibe between us but he steered clear and I steered clear and I had to pay him when he was leaving and I needed a date for that stupid gala mom and dad hosted and I blurted it out and paid him and then after that he made fun of me for doing that but like in a nice way and we went on a real date and I found out he was doing that to pay off his student loan for med school and-”

“You really do ramble a lot,” you said.

“I know!” said Aria, a big laugh coming from her. “So I guess you’re not the only one to meet someone unconventionally.”

“It’s been a day, let’s slow it down,” you said.

“Think he’s going to get along with the boys today?” asked Lauren.

“Honestly, I have no idea.”

“Hey,” you said, spotting Dean come back to the room around dinnertime. He gave you a smile and kicked off his sneakers.

“Hey. You look like today went better,” he said.

“It did. I found out some things now that things aren’t so heated. It’s gonna take time but I think you were right. They didn’t hate me,” you said.

“Good. I got that feeling from your brothers today. They seemed pretty worried, Jason especially,” he said.

“I need to talk to him,” you said.

“I need a shower anyways. I’ll meet you downstairs for dinner when I’m done?” he asked.

“Sounds good. I think steak is on the menu tonight. I asked the guys in the kitchen if they could make a pie for dessert too,” you said.

“I can get behind that,” he said. “I’ll see you in a few.”

You slipped out of the room and outside, finding Jason in one of the dining table chairs drinking a beer.

“Hi,” you said. He spun around in his seat and gave you a smile. “Can I join you?”

“Sure. I was going to have dinner out here with the girls. Maddie doesn’t want to wear her dress,” he said.

“She’s four. Let her wear what she wants,” you said.

“I know,” he said as you sat down next to him. “Dean seems like a good guy. He seemed pretty adamant that he’s your friend, maybe boyfriend. He’s not sure yet about that.”

“He go easy on you today?” you asked.

“He was pretty quiet this morning but he eased up some. He was angry with us at first,” he said.

“I talked to Aria and Lauren today, found out some stuff,” you said. He sighed and offered you his beer, letting you take a long drink before you handed it back. “Are you okay?”

“It was a long time ago, Y/N. I’m fine,” he said.

“Why didn’t you just tell the guy what he wanted to know?” you said. 

“Because I didn’t know anything. We didn’t know what was going on. When some crazy guy breaks in your house demanding to know where your 3 year old kid sister is, you think a lot of bad shit. He said a lot of bad shit. There wasn’t really a decision, Y/N, not to me.”

“They said it was real bad.”

“Y/N-”

“No more lies. Tell me the truth.”

“I was in the ICU for two days and then a normal room for four more,” he said. “Yeah, the guy probably would have killed me if Ari didn’t say anything.”

“Why didn’t you say anything you dumbass?”

“Because I’m the big brother, dumbass,” he said, giving you a hard look. “He would have hurt you. My baby sister. I was living it and feeling it. There was no way I ever was going to say hey, this is too much for me, why don’t you go take it out on her. No, Y/N, that wasn’t going to happen. Period. Aria did what she had to and looked out for the rest of them when I couldn’t.”

“Thanks,” you said. 

“Last night...I thought he was back. I knew Nancy would get the girls but you were just...walking straight out there for your damn boyfriend and all I could think was no way in Hell was he getting ahold of you after all these years.”

“Where is he?” you asked. “Shouldn’t he have gotten in trouble?”

“He did. He got twenty five years. He was let out about five ago for good behavior. We all have had odd things happen. We knew he was back. Why do you think dad likes that you live in a little middle of nowhere town with no job, no bills, no nothing to tie you there? It’s safe,” he said.

“Safe would have been telling me the truth,” you said.

“Yeah. I know,” he said. He was quiet as you tucked your feet up onto the chair. He rested his head on your shoulder and looked up at you. “Forgive me for being the worst older brother ever?”

“You are not the worst older brother ever, Jason. You tried to protect me. Even when you were scared. I forgive you if it makes you feel better but honestly, I just want to have real siblings again,” you said.

“I think we’d like that too,” he said. “Would you be willing to have dinner with us tonight?”

“Yeah, I think that could be arranged.”

“We’re heading up,” said Brent late that night, Peter pulling him back towards the resort. “Night.”

“Night guys,” you said. You and Dean looked at one another, your parents still quiet on the other side of the fire pit like they’d been all night. “You guys going to talk to me ever again or what?”

“This morning didn’t go so well. We thought you might want your space,” said your dad.

“What I want is to be part of this family. I know the truth now and guess what, the world didn’t end. So what if mom cheated? That is a problem for the two of you to work out and since it’s been years, I’m guessing you did. What I want to know is if I’m still in danger,” you said.

“There’s always a chance,” said your mom. “I didn’t realize how crazy this man was when we had our very brief affair.”

“Did you tell him you were pregnant?” asked Dean. 

“No. I was keeping my family together.”

“Did it never cross your mind that maybe he was angry you hid the fact he had a daughter and he never knew? That he never got to see her? He had a right to see her back then,” said Dean.

“Oh,” said Dan to himself on your other side. “Oh, that makes sense now.”

“What does?” asked your mom.

“He thought you stole her. He said a bunch of stuff that night. We thought he was nuts. But he said stuff about you giving her away, hiding her from the world, getting rid of her. He thought you’d made her disappear. It’s why he was so angry and snapped at Jason. He thought we all were a part of it,” said Dan.

“He nearly killed your brother,” said your dad.

“You guys weren’t there,” said Jason. “It actually makes a lot of sense now. I have two little girls and if someone hurt my kids, yeah, I’d lose it and go beat the shit out of someone too.”

“He’s violent and dangerous,” said your mom.

“He’s also my birth father,” you said. “I think Dean and I had a long day and we’re going to go up too.”

“Night,” said your brothers. You sighed as you walked back up the path with Dean, his arm going around you before he kissed the top of your head.

“Your family is bat-shit crazy you do realize, right?” he teased.

“Yeah, I do,” you said. “I kinda like ‘em though. Do you want to get some food for the room and watch a movie or something?”

“Yeah, I’d like that, sweetheart,” he said.

You wrapped your arm around his waist as you walked inside, the two of you heading back into the kitchen. One of the workers was back there, working on some kind of dessert from the looks of it.

“Hi, can we order something up to our room?” you asked. He glanced over his shoulder and stared at you, a long look before he turned away.

“Of course, Ms. Y/L/N. What would you like?” he asked, returning to the batter he was working on.

“Are those gonna be brownies cause that looks good,” said Dean.

“Two ice cream brownie sundaes?” you asked. “And some cheese fries?”

“Sure. I’ll have that ready in about forty minutes,” he said.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” asked Dean. “We can take a bottle of something up to our room, right?”

“Of course. We’ll put it on the room’s tab,” he said, keeping his back to you both.

“Buddy, you might be fooling these people but not me,” said Dean. “I saw an older picture of you today from one of her brothers. I was told to keep an eye out. Different hair and color and the beard is a good touch but I can tell the difference.”

He stopped stirring the batter and looked at you both, staring at you.

“I never meant to hurt the boy,” he said, shutting his eyes. “I thought he knew what they’d done with her. They made it sound like they’d gotten rid of her.”

“What is going on?” you asked.

“Y/N,” said Dean, waving his hand. “This man is your biological father.”

“You nearly killed my brother,” you said. 

“I know,” he said. “All I have ever wanted was for my daughter to be safe. I thought they’d hurt you or dumped you somewhere and never told me. You were my daughter. So I got angry and made a mistake. I paid for it. Maybe I snuck into your siblings homes a few times and looked through a few papers to get your address but that’s all. I wanted to see you. Eventually I did. I saw you in that cafe you go to sometimes on the main street. I was going to leave you alone. I was never going to bother anyone again. I didn’t want to ruin your life. I just wanted to see you every so often. It’s why I got a job at one of the resorts. I thought, maybe I could have a few seconds here or there and you’d never know.”

“Dean, what do you think?” you asked.

“I think your father had a lapse in judgement years ago and he served his time for it. Ultimately, I think it’s going to be your brother’s call but I do know that last night he was the guy that came outside to help me,” said Dean. “I think if he wanted to do something, he would have.”

“You terrified my siblings,” you said.

“I know,” he said. “I can disappear if you want.”

“...They’re still afraid of you. I think it’s time they stopped being that,” you said. “You and I, we can work on us. Slowly. But I will give you a chance.”

“I don’t want to upset anything with your family,” he said.

“A little late for that considering this week so far,” said Dean. 

“What he means is, if you want to be part of my life, we can do that, no matter what they say,” you said. “They made mistakes too.”

“Thank you,” he said. “You grew up beautifully. I think that’s your mother’s genes.”

“I can see some of you in her,” said Dean with a friendly smile. “Y/N, do you want to save this for the morning or now?”

“I think he’s waited long enough,” you said. “Come on. Let’s go figure this out.”

“Sweetheart,” hummed Dean the next afternoon from where he lay beside you on the diving dock out on the lake. “I may or may not be seeing things but I think Jason just gave your birth dad a smile over there.”

“Everyone in this family could have avoided so much if they just talked and got things out in the open,” you said, closing your eyes behind your sunglasses.

“Agreed,” he said, propping himself up, a shadow falling over your face. Your eyes flickered open as your shades were taken off of you, Dean tilting his head at you. “You know, we have this clause in our contracts for the company I work for. If you have feelings, you’re supposed to decline any job offer. I sorta broke that one immediately. I went after you at the cafe cause I liked you, Y/N and I didn’t want you to go yet. It sort of hit me out of nowhere.”

“What are you saying?” you asked.

“I’m saying maybe I should do what your insane family never has and tell the truth. I really like you and I’m returning the money you paid me. We don’t have a contract anymore. I’m only here because my friend asked me to be her date to her sister’s wedding. It’s that simple now,” he said.

“I’m not taking the money back,” you said. “I am perfectly happy with the date though.”

“Y/N.”

“Dean.”

“It’s a lot of money and I’m not a charity case,” he said.

“I know you like working on cars. Why don’t we call it a business investment and I will match what I gave you to a local charity that teaches kids technical skills after school to prepare them for the job market,” you said.

“Oh, that’s sneaky.”

“You hate the business stuff and business stuff is in my blood. It could be fun. Local small business signed up with a charity could really boost your revenue...maybe get you enough money to go to a Yankees game or two,” you said.

“Is this a take it or leave it deal?”

“No,” you said. “Just want to help my new boyfriend and maybe some kids.”

“...Fine,” he groaned, laying on top of you. You giggled and he rolled over, kissing you slowly. “Excited to have dinner with your dad tonight?”

“Yeah. Nervous. I know they’ll never all completely get along but no one was perfect in that situation. You’re coming with me, right?” you asked.

“Of course. Not leaving you alone just yet,” he said, wincing at his hand before he sat upright. You followed him up, taking his bruised hand and giving it a kiss. “Maybe it’s a little sore still.”

You kissed it again and he smirked.

“I’m really glad you came with me, Dean.”

“Me too,” he said. “The rest of your family isn’t this fucking nuts though, right?”

“Oh, wait until you meet my Uncle Ben,” you laughed.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, sweetheart,” he said, kissing the tip of your nose. “Want to go for a swim and cool off?”

“After you, Winchester.”

_______

[loudsuitlover]

Doctor Harry XXVIII. Tercer movimiento: Lo de dentro.

A/N: Long ass chapter but lovely, I think. I hope you like it too <3 Every other part can be found here

BLUE’S POV

“Are you done?” I giggle as my mum keeps taking pictures of me in our garden.

“Yeah, I think so but I hope you send me some more with Harry at the reception.”

“I will.” I promise her.

I walk inside towards the kitchen and she follows me. It wasn’t really hard to find a dress for the wedding. Coco, Ollie and Marie offered to go shopping with me on Monday afternoon and we genuinely thought it might take all week to find the right dress but it didn’t. It only took a couple of hours.

I asked Harry if there was any sort of etiquette or particular dressing code but he just said apparently you can’t attend a wedding dressed in white and then I asked if he had any preferences in colour but then he just said what he wanted didn’t matter and to wear whatever I wanted. He wasn’t of much help but I wouldn’t have wanted for him to say anything different from that.

I have never dressed for anyone other than myself but I hope Harry likes my dress tonight. I chose a floor-length slip gown made of silk. It is a soft baby blue colour and so soft to the touch I think I could sleep on it. It’s backless too because I’m a sucker for backless shit and I hate bras so I don’t have a problem with going braless. I keep the jewellery and makeup to a minimum but I do wear crimson lipstick and my thin white gold choker. I wear Coco’s long bright grey fur coat and bright grey heels salon heels.

Harry did ask me about the colour of the dress but I guess that has to do with his choice of tie or handkerchief. I know it’s cheesy but it excites me that he would consider my dress so as to match me.

The bell rings and I get the door as I put on my coat. When I open the door, my breath catches on my throat as I’m faced with a very sexy, annoyingly handsome Harry that looks like a bright peaky blinder without the cap.

He’s wearing a fucking bright cream colour vest and cream colour jacket and pants and a baby blue silk shirt, matching my dress. The first few buttons of the shirt are unbuttoned so the almost looks like a handkerchief.

“Fuck.” He grins. “You can’t be prettier than the bride, Blue.”

I giggle and he leans in and touches my Hollywood style waves and lets them drop back against my chest. I knew he would appreciate the hair down.

“I thought you said you couldn’t attend a wedding dressed in white.”

He smiles.

“This is cream” he defends “and the bride knows what I’m wearing.”

“You look dreamy.”

“Let me see!”

My mum comes running from the kitchen and I feel the heat on my cheeks hot enough  I’m sure they look like my lips at this point.

“Oh my God! You look like a brunette James Dean!”

Harry laughs but blushes and I giggle along with my mum like two teenage girl.

“Grasias, Alisia.”

I raise my eyebrows as I remember.

“Está aprendido español, ¿sabes, mamá?” (Did you know that he’s learning Spanish, mum?)

Harry smiles with his lips closed and my mum swoons.

“¿En serio?”

“Sí.” Harry nods. “No sé mucho pero entiendo algo.” (I don’t know much but I understand some.)

“Nena, cosételo.” (Baby, tie him up.)

I chuckle and pray to God he didn’t understand as I gently push him away from my drooling mum towards his car. He gets on the driver’s seat and doesn’t say anything else as he drives away.

“Are you nervous?” I ask him.

He sighs.

“A little.”

“I’m sure it’ll all be beautiful.”

“Yeah, it better be or else Gemma might kill some people.”

I laugh but think it to be true. I’m familiar with the term bridezilla and something tells me Gemma has a character. I guess we recognize each other.

There’s a small grey stone church with a big colourful rose window over the door at the top of a hill and Harry parks the car on an esplanade some meters away from it. When I step out of the car, I notice the ground is covered with loose small white stones that sort of look like snowflakes.

Harry is smiling, waiting for me to join him and only then I realize I’ve been gawking around. It’s such a beautiful place and I didn’t even know of the existence of this church. Then again I’m an atheist.

“I think you’re the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.”

“Creature?” I smile. “I knew you’d like my hair down.”

“Come here.”

His hands wrap around my waist through my thick coat before he pulls me to him and his lips press against mine. Thank God Coco had that fixer spray for the makeup so he doesn’t ruin my lipstick too much.

Inside the church, it’s warmer than I expected. Despite the stone on the outside, the inside is wood and I’m thinking the architects, whoever that was, did a good job with the insulation. There aren’t that many people on the church but I guess it’s normal for the bride’s brother to be one of the firsts to arrive.

The ceilings are so high it’s even hard to appreciate the reredos but it gives the chapel some sense of highness, even I, an atheist, feel closer to heaven. It’s the last hours of sunlight of the day and the winter can be heard outside in the form of wind and leaves but I still think it’s such a nice time to get married. It kind of feels as if they would be safe from the storm, because they’re together, and it also feels as if it doesn’t matter how’s the weather outside, it would always be warm if they’re together. I know, weddings really turn me into a softie.

Harry’s hand on mine guides me along a corridor on the left side of the church. I know in a church, the left side is the right side for us to stand, for it’s the side of sin and that’s where we belong. At the end of the corridor, a few very elegant people are gathered.

“Hey, son.”

A man with grey hair short hair and a gentle smile, a few inches shorter than Harry, gives him a hug.

“Hey, dad.”

He doesn’t look much like Harry and neither does his smile really for he doesn’t have any dimples and his lips are quite thinner but he’s got the same air of kindness about him and he transmits the same goodness as his son.

“This is Indie. Indie, this is my dad, Des.”

“Hello, dear.” He politely offers me his hand and I shake it.

“Nice to meet you, sir.”

He asks me how I’m doing and we start a casual conversation but I can’t help my eyes from drifting to Harry as he frowns and looks around. He really is nervous so I forgive him for abandoning me with his dad.

“Your sister is inside.” He answers his silent question and Harry’s eyes set on him.

“Do you think I can go in?”

“I think yes. She did kick me out but try your luck, son.”

He nods and gives me a look.

“You go.” I encourage him.

It’s way too intimate for me to be in there after talking to Gemma just the once. I don’t even know his mother.

“I’ll be fine.” I tell him.

“Yes, I’ll look after her.”

His green eyes set and travel between us both as if he was considering whether to leave me here or not. But after a few seconds he nods his head as if convincing himself and knocked and opened the door that hid her sister.

“Way to introduce you into the family, huh?” Des starts. “My son and his weird ways, I guess. It’s okay if you don’t remember everybody’s names.”

I giggle.

“I’m pretty good with names.”

“The thing is every young female in the family look alike. Even I get confused and they’re my sisters’ daughters.”

He starts telling me about the members of his family and asks me about mine and I tell him about my siblings and my parents. He finds our names very interesting, naturally, and tells me about how they decided on Harry’s name. I also learn his middle name is Edward.

I don’t know how much time has passed when Harry finally exits the room but his eyes are teary when he does and he’s holding a flute glass with what looks like a mimosa.

“I gotta go check on Michal.” He tries to sound unaffected but I smirk because I know better. “But my mum gave me this for you. She says it’s good.”

I smile and gladly take it from his hand as he turns to his dad.

“I tried sneaking one out for you, dad, but they said some shit about us men having enough with not having to do our makeup or something like that.”

I giggle and Harry smiles teasingly at me.

“That’s alright, son.” Des chuckles. “Thank you.”

Harry nods and like that he leaves us again and opens another door on the same wall. I think it’s beautiful that both bride and groom are that close together only with a wall apart. Des keeps the conversation going about my personal choices on Medicine, whether I like consultation over surgery and so on, until Adam joins us and shakes his head.

“Hello, Des. Long time no see. Hi, Indie. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” I give him a smile.

It’s such a shame Marie couldn’t come but your grandparents’ golden wedding is not something one can say not to. I know she would have liked for Adam to be there but she understood his motive. After all, Adam is a part of the Styles’ family and that makes Gemma sort of like a sister to him too. Yet I wish Marie were here. I know for a fact we would have had so much fun and she would have been a cheerleader for me if I freak out at meeting so many important people to Harry in the same day.

“Where’s Harry?”

The moment he asks that, as if on cue, Harry comes out of the groom’s room and places a hand on my lower back. He sighs.

“Just making sure Adam wasn’t having a panic attack or climbing out the window, Gemma’s words not mine. I’m gonna tell her he’s not so she can keep it together.”

The three of us laugh as he rushes to her sister’s room now.

“I remember my wedding day” Des said “I have never been more nervous in my entire life, not even when my kids were born.”

“I don’t think he would climb out the window on this weather though.” Adam jokes.

I laugh with them but don’t say much. I’ll admit I’m nervous. I don’t know what to say to seem worth it of Harry. Thank his mum for the alcohol in this graceful mimosa.

“Alright” Harry says as he joins us “I look like the errands boy but now they want me to say hi to guests and show them to their seats. The things one has to do… Would you accompany me?”

I panic. He wants me to stand there and say hi to every single guest? But he looks so good… And I’m going to say yes.

“I’ll help.” Adam smiles.

“Thank you.”

The three of us say goodbye to Des who has to wait for Gemma to be ready since he’s walking her down the aisle and make our way towards the flowers arches that mark the aisle.

“My mum wanted to meet you already” Harry says “and she’s sorry she didn’t come out to at least say hi but her hair wasn’t done.” He smirks.

“Oh, no, that’s fine. She shouldn’t worry. It’s her daughter’s wedding day. I’m not the important one here.”

“I know.” He smiles. “But you’re the first girl I bring home and she’s excited. Let the woman dream.”

I blush as I look at Adam from the corner of my eye. He’s smirking before he stands on one of the narrow corridors on the sides of the benches and Harry and I continue walking until we stop and stand on the main arch.

“How was your sister?”

“Gorgeous” he states but he’s rather stern “and nervous. She made me go check on Michal because she was at the verge of a panic attack herself.”  

I smile because I know he’s exaggerating. He always is and he looks down at me with a big smile.

“What did you and my father talk about?”

“Family, mostly. He also told me how your mum and him came up with your name, Eddie.”

His jaw clenches and he gives me a death glare but I just laugh at his reaction. Our conversation dies the moment the guests start arriving without giving us enough time to talk in between. I don’t know how many times he’s said this is Indie, my girlfriend but if I concentrate, I can hear him on my mind now.

“I wish there was some sticker or something we could stick on your forehead” He jokes “I’m Harry’s girlfriend.”

I chuckle but when I’m about to playfully swat at his arm, a blonde girl wearing a lilac gown indicates us to our seat and Harry guides me to the very first row. Oh, boy, where have I gotten myself in?

Less than a minute after we sit, his mother stands next to him. She looks even prettier than she does in the picture he’s got on his bedside table and even if she could be my mum, she intimidates me. She’s absolutely gorgeous, with lively green eyes and dark hair and for the love of God she looks so much like her son.

“Finally” she smiles at me “I get to meet you.”

“Hey, mum” Harry stands up from the bench and I follow suit “this is Indie. Indie, meet my mum, Anne.”

“It’s really a pleasure to meet you, darling. Unbelievably, you are even prettier than in pictures.”

Harry grins. Is he proud? I think he’s proud at his mother’s compliments to me. I smile despite the heat on my cheeks.

“Thank you. You look stunning too.”

“Thanks. Uh, here comes the groom!”

We all sit down and see Michal walking down the aisle with his arm intertwine to the one of a woman. I suppose that’s his mum. He smiles at Anne when he gets to us and then he takes his place on the altar and holds his hands together over his belt. He looks at the flowers arch with a big smile waiting for his lover.

A few minutes after, not making him wait too much, everyone in the chapel turns her head and down the aisle, we watch a stunning, very happy and extremely beautiful Gemma making her way all dressed in white; wheelchair included. Her dad walks on her side and their arms are intertwined and only when Gemma’s past us, three little girls dressed in white too come into view. They have spread flowers all over the floor after Gemma and one of them had actually been pushing the chair. They look like little angels.

Michal sits down on a white metallic chair adorned with white flowers, just like Gemma’s, and they both stare at each other and giggle and that’s when the bubble forms and everyone different from them two just gets to stare but we’re all out of it.

I hear the ceremony and as beautiful as it is and as gorgeous as the two of them look, my eyes keep drifting at Harry because he’s smirking the entire time and I have never seen him so handsome.

I cannot believe, out of all the people in the world, he chose me to sit next to him today. I am the first girl he brings home and there’s one part of me that feels so special but there’s another part who wished that wasn’t true because it makes me realize how hard it’s really going to be for this to work. After all, who stays with the first girl they bring home forever?

His green eyes set on me for a second and he smiles. The air is out of my lungs.

“Gemma, you are the smartest person I know but not even you could understand how incredibly lucky I feel to be here with you today and become your husband. I remember wanting to have, and sometimes making up, excuses to talk to you and now look at us.” They both giggle “You are my best friend, Gem, and you’ll always be so today I vow to change your name in my phone from ‘lady friend’ to ‘wifey’.” Soft giggles accompany Gemma’s through the chapel and Michal grins at her before continuing. “I vow to always appreciate your laugh, your smile, your caring nature and that face you make when I add too much chili to your nachos. I promise if there's only one beer left, I'll let you have it and to always make sure there’s Earl Grey on the cabinet. I promise to always love you without conditions or reservations, even when you make me watch the Bachelor, and to show it with care and consideration. I promise I’ll be patient, even if that means I’ll have to listen to how I should have gotten you ice-cream even if you said you were on a diet.” He smiles. “I vow to always remember these vows and to love and honour you for as long as I shall live.”

“Those were really great vows.” Gemma nods her head.

“Right?” Michal’s nose shrinks as he nods along with his almost-wife and everyone starts laughing. “I felt it, I felt like I owned it.”

“You really did, babe.”

They both giggle and just as fast as the distention of laughter have fallen upon us, a sort of intensity covers my shoulders but the smile is still on my face, and on Harry’s, when Gemma clears her throat.

“Michal, I had never believed in destiny until God gave me a second chance and ever since then I’ve always thought he didn’t let me go then because I didn’t yet know you.” I see Harry’s emotion on the way his shoulders tense and hear his breath getting stuck on his throat. I land a hand on his shoulder. “So thank God you took that gap year in Colombia.” And then he lets out something similar to a chuckle and I realize Gemma’s a master, much like her brother, for she knew she had dropped the mood and then masterly lifted it up again. “I have thought very hard about what to say today because I could never list all the things I love about you for I love your thoughtfulness and your kindness but also the way you weirdly get excited about pumpkin late and how your eyes crinkle when you laugh very had. And it’s for those things that today I want to vow that I will never forget that you are the love of my life and that in the darkest moments, I will always have a friend in you and you will always have a friend in me. From this day on, you will never walk alone. I mean, technically you will, but you know what I mean.” Michal shakes his head and laughs and Harry clicks his tongue at her sister’s dark humour but smirks anyway. “I vow to be your strength when you feel weak, to only fight you when you’re fighting yourself and to fight beside you for the rest of the times. I vow to pretend not to be annoyed when you pretend you don’t like The Bachelor and to listen to you when you talk about footie.” She takes a deep breath that can be heard through the church and Michal gives her a loving smile. “You know, when I was studying journalism with Chloe, before every presentation we would look into each other’s eyes and tell each other ‘I believe in you’ and even though we never really talked about what that really means, to me it meant ‘I love you and whatever happens out there, I’ve got your back’ so since words cannot do it, I promise to show you, for the rest of my life, how much I love you because Michal Mlynowski, I believe in you.”

Harry and I stand behind as the just married couple exist the church and I don’t say anything because I know he needs this moment to himself. His eyes are shut and he’s looking up with his hands on his hips. Respecting the silence, I wrap my arms around his waist and rest the side of my head on his chest and it takes him about a second to wrap his arms around me too. I feel his muscles relaxed until he’s as soft as his muscles allow him to feel and rests his cheek on the top of my head.

“You know you’re not alone, right?”

He doesn’t answer nor move so I pull away from him enough so I can look into his eyes. His eyes lock with mine but he remains expressionless.

“You’ve got me.” I offer.

My words change the pattern of his breathing and his eyes set on every inch of my face, as if he was looking for a tiny wound. After not finding any, his eyes set on my lips and even though he doesn’t say anything, I know that look. I’ve seen it before and I know what he wants so I tilt my neck back and press my lips against his in a tender, innocent kiss, letting a flood of butterflies loose on my belly and my heart. When I pull away, he presses a tender kiss on the tip of my tongue and then on my forehead.

“I know, baby.”

He leans down and kisses me again but since he was the one initiating the kiss now, he’s also the one taking control of it, and this time he deepens it and I suck his breath on my throat. My heart’s beating fast and I… I…

“You have no idea what you’re doing now” he whispers “but the only reason I managed to go through that without any artificial sedatives was because you were there.”

I swallow the lump on my throat. I really don’t want to mess up and I don’t think there’s anything I could say to him right now that would really hold the meaning of whatever it is that I’m feeling right now.

             Dinner was surprisingly fun. I thought I was going to be awkward, always measuring what words I could use or what I couldn’t say around them and I genuinely thought the mood was going to be a lot more tense but Harry isn’t as bad around his family as I thought he’d be.

We’ve been casually talking and his mum Anne has proven to be the sweetest woman in the world, explaining Harry’s caring nature and his own kindness, and welcoming me in the family like I had been coming over to birthday parties and family dinners for ages.

Gemma and Michal are also quite funny, which I had already realized as they vowed, and I’ve found out Michal has a real talent when it comes about teasing Harry, which has been quite funny to me.

“Harry, I think it’s time.” Michal tells him.

I tilt my neck to give Harry a look but he just nods at Michal before he stands up. He makes his way towards a little stand I haven’t even seen before after taking a glass of champagne from one of the trays the waiters are holding and I watch him, completely hypnotised, as he smiles and runs a hand through his hair in front of the microphone.

“Hi” He clears his throat “Good evening, everyone. I’m Harry, I’m Gemma’s younger brother, even though I think you all know that and I’m standing here about to give a speech ‘cause she’s begged me to, quite simply.” Everybody laughs but he just raises his eyebrows and shakes his head as if saying it’s the truth. “Uh, when I was thinking about what to say tonight… So 30 minutes ago,” He knows when the laughter is coming so he stops and grins and my heart stops every time “I thought that, uh, I should really start thanking my sister; thank you, Gem, for making it so easy for me to be Mum’s favourite child.” Gemma laughs out loud and everyone joins her. “As most of you know, I’m a doctor, I’m an Anaesthesiologist and Gemma is… Gemma’s brave.” His sister laughs. “She was brave when she stood her ground and decided to study journalism even when most people would tell her no; she was brave when she learnt to live a new life, in a totally different situation and she taught me how to do that; she was brave when she started her own business but mostly she was brave when she agreed to marry Michal.” Michal laughs and nods approving his brother-in-law’s joke and I didn’t really know Harry could be so funny, except I did know. “It’s such a blissful, beautiful thing for me to see my sister trusting and loving someone so much, someone who loves her and trusts her just as much and who clearly married up” He grins and I love it because I can see the chuckle he’s holding back “and it’s also a wonderful thing to win a brother like Michal because… Michal, I love you, you love me, we love each other… Although” he stops to add some dramatism and everyone smiles in anticipation “we kind of are polar opposites. He’s funny,” his hand opened in the air points at the direction of the groom before he rests his palm on his chest “I’m smart. He’s athletic, I’m incredibly good looking” he chuckles and so does everyone else “but the thing we both have in common is Gemma and how much… It annoys us when she makes the whole family watch The Bachelor.” He chuckles. “No, but seriously, Gem, you’re my best sister and I love you more than I could ever say to you. Growing up, we didn’t always see eye to eye, I used to kidnap your dolls and ask you for ransoms and you didn’t let me use your karaoke but I can’t imagine my life without you and I know I wouldn’t be half the man I am if you hadn’t been there to show me what it means like to be strong, to be brave and to be kind. I was told recently that it shows that I was raised among women, and this includes you, dad” he jokes “because I am protective by nature and I think it’s true” his green eyes, amused, nervous and brave look at me for a second before they set on his sister “because, even though I’m younger, I have always been and will always be protective of you, Gem and I’ll protect you because I need you.” He clears his throat but I know it’s an attempt to get rid of the emotion clinging on his throat. “I have always admired you and I always will and I wish you and Michal the very best and a long, happy life full of love and joy because that’s what you deserve. Mum made me say that.” He grins at bride and groom and lifts his glass in the air and so do we all. “So let’s have a toast for Mr and Mrs Mlynowski and for all the good they’ll bring to the world. To Gemma and Michal, I believe in you.”

Bringing my glass to my lips, I still see Harry having a sip of his champagne. I tense up. That’s the first time I see him drink. He comes back to the table and hugs both his brother-in-law and his sister for the longest time and then Michal indicates we shall mingle around for a few minutes whilst they get dessert ready.

Harry rests his hand on my waist and gently pulls me away from the just married and towards the very centre of the hall. I politely decline yet another glass of wine I’m offered and the waiter walks away.

“You can drink in front of me, you know?”

“I know. I’ve done it plenty of times before.”

“I’m not an ex-alcoholic, if that’s what you think.” He smirks.

“That is not what I thought. You said you didn’t drink because you don’t like alcohol. You never said you had trouble with it.”

He nods his head slowly before he leans down until his lips brush the shell of my ear.

“My mother does.” He whispers. “The reason I don’t drink is because I’ve seen what alcohol did to my mum when she was indeed an alcoholic and I don’t want that for me.”

My blood boils. I get furious that he had to go through that too but then I look at him, and it’s like I realize I won’t help anybody with that anger, and then I feel cold that he’s dropping a bomb like this in the middle of a wedding and that he’s trusting me with this now. I give him a lips closed smiles.

“It looks like you enjoy dropping bombs at family reunions.” I joke.

He chuckles. And when a waiter passes next to us with a tray full of champagne glasses, he takes two of them and hands me one with a big smile. I take it and inevitable smile back at him.

“That was such a great speech you gave.” I congratulate him. “Funny, witty, tender… I enjoyed it.”

“Thank you.”

“I didn’t know you had such a way with words.”

“Yeah, I understand why you wouldn’t know that.” We both giggle at his comeback. “But… I actually write sometimes.”

“Oh, you do?”

He nods.

“Yeah, I started doing it as a thing in therapy. You know I had like this journal where I was supposed to write my own feelings and like elaborate on them as part of a bigger understanding… And now, I just… Still write sometimes.”

“Have you written anything about me?” I smirk.

A timid smirk escapes his suppression and he looks away from me. Oh, God; he has.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“You so have.”

I’m about to ask him more on that when a few young people join us. There’s the blond girl who told us to take our seats at the beginning of the ceremony, a tall brunette guy with short hair and a quarterback’s smile and a lanky guy with kind eyes but naughty smirk.

“Nice speech, Harry.”

“Funny.” The girl said.

“Thank you, lads. I think you all know this is Indie and Indie, these are Laura, Max and Liam, my cousins.”

“Oh, hi.”

“Hello there.” The girl I now know is named Laura smiled. “D’you know Mum and Auntie Sally have been talking about you two all dinner?” She smirks.

Harry shakes his head.

“I mean, even at your sister’s wedding, dude, you’re the one who makes the family talk.”

“Your mum and Aunt Sally don’t need a reason to gossip though. We both know that.”

“I suppose you’re right.” She giggles. “But hey, how are you holding up? I bet everyone is driving you crazy, coming up to you to talk, get to know you… Only Harry would introduce his first ever girlfriend in such a day.”

“She can take it.” He grins.

“It’s actually been quite fun.” I admit. “My mum’s Spanish and she’s got eleven siblings so-”

“Crap!” She says.

“Holy shit!” Harry chuckles.

“I’m used to big family gatherings.”

“For the love of God, eleven siblings are quite a lot of siblings.”

“Do they all also have many children?” Harry asks.

“Not all. I have 24 cousins.”

“What?” They all laugh and I laugh along with them.

We keep on talking and I learn a lot of things about Harry’s family, the big picture, but he also learns his fair amount about mine. We also chat with his grandparents for a while and they both are so sweet and British they make my heart swoon.

Harry’s Nana keeps insisting on him bringing me over some time for tea and biscuits for she still keeps of her silk clothes from when she was young and she wants to show them to me. She used to be a dressmaker and she used to design and sew her own dresses so I bet she’s proud of them. Her grandad just sits there and stares at her but he also adds some of the dresses he remembers and that just has me turning into mush. I love elderly couples what can I say?

We go back to our table for the wedding cake and I am so happy and excited I even have one and a half pieces. Harry and I shared the second piece as I talk with Anne about her mother’s dresses. She herself tells me about her wedding dress and it’s only when her eyes drop to my knee and she smiles that I notice her son has his hand resting there. I’m so used to our physical contact, that I think it would be easier for me to notice its absence at this point. My cheeks tinge pink.

The little angels that were throwing flowers after Gemma come running to our table with flowers crowns on their little heads and I recognize those curly locks, similar to Harry’s, on one of the little girls’ mane of hair. The must all be under 5 years old and they look so adorable I wonder how I haven’t noticed them during dinner. The tallest one blows on a bubble blower on Harry’s face and he tilts his neck back frowning jokingly and making the little one laugh.

“Oh, bubbles on my face, just what I wanted.”

He leans down, resting his elbows on his knees, so he can see the kids eye to eye.

“They dressed you up like little angels today, didn’t they? Then why are you still fighting to be the devil?”

“I won gold on my last gymnastics competition.” The little kid just changed the topic and Harry gasps exaggerating his surprise.

“That is very impressive, May.”

She nods her little head and I notice her eye drifting to me intermittently. She clearly doesn’t know who the fuck I am but I think she’s too shy to ask. Harry follows her sideways gaze until our eyes meet and then he smirks and leans down to whisper something at the little girl’s ear. Her mouth opens wide as she stares at me and I smile at her before I give Harry a look. He just smirks.

“She has got such long hair.” Little May says.

“She does.”

“Lucy, Lucy!” May tilts her neck so she can talk to younger little girl. “She’s a mermaid.” She whispers.

I look at Harry but he just grins.

“Why don’t you guys introduce yourselves?”

“My name is May and I’m 4.”

“My name is Lucy Ecran and I’m 3 and my mummie is called Angela and my daddy is called Finn.”

“We are sisters.” May explains.

Yeah, I figured that on my own the moment they started talking. I grin at then and offer they my hand and they shake it.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, girls. I love your dress and your flowers. And congrats on the gold.”

“She really is a mermaid, Lucy.”

I suck my lips inside my mouth so I don’t laugh but before I can tell Harry to tell the girls the truth, a little boy dressed like a man comes running and tags May. She panics for a second but then her little chubby hands swats Harry’s chest as she yells tagged and runs away.

I was not expecting Harry to stand up from his chair and jog after the little girls but the two of them erupt into an adorable fist of giggles and the image warms my heart. I don’t know why I’m surprised, Harry’s so caring it makes sense these little girls would like him. He’s funny too and I’m sure he actually listens to them when they want to tell him stories about kindergarten or gymnastics.

“They love him.” Anne says.

Tilting my neck, I realize she’s also looking at them as they run around.

“Naturally.” I agree. “He’s sweet.”

Her green eyes, much like her son’s, lock with mine.

“I am so happy Harry finally found you.”

I swallow at the way she said that. Finally found me… As if he had somehow been looking… But I have to admit, sometimes I feel like we found each other too. I guess… I never thought I was going to find any other person ever again and yet, when we’re alone and I look at him and we I hear him breathing beside me on the bed, I just think… It kind of had to happen.

“I thought I was never going to say the day.” She smiles but her eyes are getting teary. “He’s been… Like… Gone, for a while.”

“How was he? Before the accident.”

She takes a deep breath. I don’t know her but I think my question caught her off guard.

“He was… He laughed a lot and he had all these plans; he could talk about the future for hours… He joked all the time too.”

“Well, he still has his fair amount of jokes.” I smile.

She grins.

“I guess he now has someone who laughs at them.”

“He’s great.” I nod. “I actually admire you for having raised such a wonderful, caring, kind man. I don’t want to take the credit away from him, after all, he chooses to be like that every day, but I still think the bigger part is thanks to you.”

“I’ve always wondered how he’d do in a relationship because, as caring and affectionate as he is, he’s also always had a very clear, very private inner world. He’s a private person, he’s always been, so I wondered… You know, if he would actually let someone really in. We’re very close, we’ve always been… He’s helped me so much, even when he was just a boy, but still sometimes I felt like there was always another part of him I couldn’t really reach.”

My eyes look away from hers. I can’t tell her that I’m worse than her son at that. I don’t know what to say so I just sigh and shake my head.

“Well, I… I think that’s… Good.” Anne’s eyes set on mine and I can’t believe I’m about to sort of contradict her on the first night we met. “I mean he doesn’t have to share everything with me.” I need to fix this. Come on, explain yourself, Blue. “I’m happy he shares whatever he needs or wants to, but if he wants to keep some things to himself, that’s cool too.”

The corners of her lips curl up in a lips closed smile and I feel relieved that she didn’t feel offended. I mean I never meant to, but some people these days, they take everything to heart…

“That’s a beautiful way to see it.”

I smile.

“I love the way his mind works, the way he thinks… Fascinates me and every time he shares that with me, I feel… Lucky and special and I think it’s a gift he’s giving me but he doesn’t have to.”

“Who doesn’t?” Harry runs a hand through his hair as he stands before us and his mum giggles.

“Did you catch her?” I ask.

“May? She’s a gold medal gymnast.” He frowns as if saying are you crazy?

I laugh and he smirks.

“I tagged Adam.”

The three of us giggle and in the background, we see Adam running after the kids. I think Marie would love to see this.

“Harry, dear.” Harry’s Nana reaches her hand to Harry’s waist and he turns his body and hold her hands to welcome her in our small group of three. “I wanted to come chat some more to Indie.”

Harry gives me a smile and helps his grandma sits down on his chair. Michal calls his name and he gives me questioningly look as asking for my permission so I frown and shrug and he reaches his now brother-in-law and his sister. His mother, his grandma and me start a conversation about books and I feel excitement takes over me as the three of us talk about Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath and Anne tells me growing up her mum and dad used to have this little library, on such small house, but that to her it always looked quite big and she wondered how it was possible for someone to read that many books.

My parents themselves read quite a lot. I don’t remember a single moment on the garden, being little and playing with my siblings that my dad wasn’t reading a book. He used to read them with a pencil too and he used to underline shit. I think I got that from him, all my copies are underlined.

Anne excuses herself to join her children and Harry’s Nana, Esme, tells me about her own experience, growing up and getting married and having kids, when all she was supposed to do was just that.

“And I was happy, I swear, I don’t think two people could love each other as Edward and I love one another but that is because he knows, you know? He told me, when we going to get engage, he said to me ‘Esme, I know you don’t love me now, but you will and that’s a promise’ and he was handsome, you know, he was very handsome but all I wanted back then was to have a voice of my own.”

“A room of one’s own, eh?”

She smiles.

“That’s right. And that’s what I got. I could do whatever I wanted, you know, Edward was just the guy who would support me, no questions asked. I think that’s why I did that many dresses. It was my own thing… And he loved them all.”

From the corner of my eye I can see Harry’s grandad surrounded by his family and yet his green eyes would look for his wife. They got married in 1950 and it just sounds so crazy to me that in that time, I mean it wasn’t that long ago, was it? Still women had to do as men told them.

One of Harry’s cousins, a pretty girl as well, for everyone in this family seems to be out of a magazine, joins Esme and me and Esme starts boasting off her granddaughter, much like she would do of Gemma or Harry, I’m sure.

I see Harry making his way towards me. He has been talking to his mum and I wonder whether she’s told him about our chat over him. I wouldn’t mind if she did, I think it would be nothing new for him.

“Blue,” he bows a little so I can listen to him better from my sitting position “do you want to dance?”

My lips curl up at the corners and I stand up. My eyes lock with his. He seems timid.

“Thought you said you didn’t dance.”

“Mum told me to ask you. Come on, I asked for this song.”  

I roll my eyes but let him guide me to the dance floor. It sounds like a song from the eighties and it doesn’t surprise me but I don’t know what to expect when a very deep voice starts saying “Girl, you know we belong together. I have no time for you to be playing with my heart like this. You’ll be mine forever, baby, you just see.” But after that, a very beautiful, soothing voice takes the lead and I haven’t seen the singer but I know he’s black. We belong together and you know that I’m right.

Harry’s hands rest on my back, behind my waist, and mine intertwine behind his neck as we slowly move. I have never done this with him but my heart is about to explode. Why do you play with my heart? Why do you play with my mind? He doesn’t say anything and neither do I for I’m listening to the song he said he asked for and I feel like a tide untie inside my body. I feel the waves moving up and down and I swear I feel just like I do after we untangle from one another after our closeness. I am on my tippy toes at the edge of losing conscience, right in that place where so far he’s only got me naked, but right now, even though I’m fully dressed, I am feeling naked on everything that’s not clothes.

When I can't sleep at night without holding you tight

Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry

Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead

Spinning around and around

“D’you know the song?” He asks me at last.

I shake my head and he just nods but his green eyes don’t leave me as his gaze undresses me.

“You introduced me as Indie to everyone.” My voice comes out as a whisper but he’s unfaced by it.

“That’s how everyone calls you.”

“But you call me Blue.”

His eyes look into mine but he remains silent and stern, his lips are closed and I know he’s not going to comment on that. Yet somehow I understand, not everyone gets to call me Blue and he likes it just as much as I do.

“Mum loves you.” He says out of the blue. “I can’t leave you now.” His eyebrows raised on his forehead but I swat his chest because I know he’s kidding.

“We should visit your grandparents one day.”

“You wanna visit Esme?” He smirks.

“And Edward.”

“Oh, so you wanna make sure I really don’t leave you, eh? Becoming Nana’s friend too… Should have known before I brought you in here…”

I roll my eyes and he just chuckles.

“You don’t have to worry, baby, don’t have to try either.”

“I like them.” I confess. “You have a beautiful family and your speech was beautiful too.” He smirks. “And… I mean… So are you. You’re beautiful as well.”

His lips, still closed, curl into a smile and I feel my face heating up.

“Thank you, baby.” He leans down and presses a chaste kiss on my lips. “Mum’s probably watching us.” His whisper sounds muffled against my lips and I chuckle.

“Do your cousins still think I’m a mermaid?”

“Now they think you’re the princess of the sea.” I give him a warning look but he swears to be innocent. “That was all Max. So are you having fun?”

“I am, yes. And you?”

“Yeah.” He smiles. “I meant every word I said up there.”

“Guay.” I smile. “Me alegro.” (I’m happy for you.)

I tilt my neck back and capture his lips with mine and we kiss slowly and intimately, even though yes, his mum is probably watching and who knows who else but I can’t bring myself to care. When we pull apart, out of breath, he pecks the tip of my nose and smiles.

“I realized something today…”

My pulse accelerates and I swallow the fear and the anticipation of what might be to come but he just smiles and his green eyes burn into mine and he doesn’t say anything else. I don’t need him to. I know what it is.

I rest the side of my head on his chest and we keep dancing for Lord know how long. But after that slow dancing of ours, there comes some drinks and he actually drinks a little too and we end up jumping and dancing with his cousins and Gemma and Michal and I’m happy to see him like this.

I don’t know what time it is when Anne approaches the two of us with her coat on. Harry and I are resting our bags on the structure that holds the white marquee where the party is dying down.

“Here you are.” She smiles. “I was wondering, would you guys like to sleep at home tonight? You can leave whenever you want tomorrow but just so you don’t have to drive all the way back to Grad now.”

Harry’s eyes search for mine but I have nothing to say.

“Thank you very much Mum, we would really appreciate that.”

“Of course!” She smiles. Wow she really did want us to stay. “Go grab your coats, say bye. I’ll wait by the car.”

We do as we’re told and I walk with Harry towards his car. Anne’s standing next to the driver’s door and I almost smile. I don’t know why it surprised me that Harry lends his mum his car but for some reason I had pictured him to be some sort of car lover that doesn’t let anyone drive it. I wonder if he’d let me. The ride is silent and I take this time to myself. There’s nothing wrong with any of this. There can’t be.

I recognize the main road of Bellamond from last weekend. We pass the football field where Harry parked when we went to Tino’s and take a turn to the right. We drive past a school, an outpatients clinic and past a small park.

“Was that where you went to school?” I ask Harry.

“Yes.” He smiles.

“Is it still the same? I mean, was it like that when you were little?”

“How old do you think I am, miss?”

I throw my head back and laugh while he jokes about how there used to be dinosaurs when he went to school but for the rest of it, it’s pretty much the same. I imagine a little Harry with huge green eyes and curly hair walking inside school, when kids are so little their school bags are bigger than them. I imagine him having a cupcake on the recess for somebody’s birthday and eating a small sandwich with pickles the rest of the days.

“And we’re home!” Anne croons.

Stepping out of the car, I can’t really see much in the dark but I see a huge garden, carefully looked after, and a two floors house with a white door and white windows that contrast with the bricks.

“Your bed is made.” Anne whispers as we enter the house. “Now, I’m exhausted but you kids can have a cup of tea or something. I just… You will have to excuse me but I need my beauty sleep.”

“Sure.”

“Of course, Anne, thank you very much.”

“Oh, nonsense, this is your house.” She dismisses me. “Anyway, good night. Sleep well.”

“You too.” Harry smiles. “So… Do you want tea or water or milk or even… I don’t know, are you hungry?”

“No.” I frown. I’ve eaten so much I think if I roll up in a ball I might actually make one. “I’m good, thank you.”

“Okay.” He whispers. “Then let’s go to bed.”

He walks past me and turns on the light in the kitchen. The cupboards are white but the countertop and the household appliances are dark grey. Harry gets two glasses from the cupboard over the sink and fills them with water and asks me to turn off the light before we make our way upstairs.

I’m the one opening the door for his hands are full and when I enter his childhood room, I have a look around and feel my insides warming up. My house is a lot less personal. Even growing up, my Mum did the decorations of the entire house and even though she did it thinking of us and I loved my room, it still doesn’t feel as personal as this. There are posters from different bands and Elvis on the wall and he’s got a record player on the corner near the window. The room is painted a dark blue and even if it might make the space smaller, it also makes it cosier.

He takes off my coat and places it on his desk alongside his.

“I quite like your room.”

“You do?”

I nod at his rhetorical question and feel his hands over my ass. I tilt my neck to look at him.

“Come here.”

His hands fully wrap around my hips and he pulls me to him until my chest collides with his and he kisses me. His lips mould against mine and his tongue gently pushes inside my mouth. He smells so good… And fuck, this suit… Looks so sexy on him. This Peaky Blinder thing is really doing wonders to my sex thrive. I gasp and his hands grab my ass and I feel his nails sinking down the back of my thighs over my dress.

“H” I gasp “your Mum’s here.”

“My Mum’s passed out on her bed.”

His lips from my mouth to my chin and to the side of my neck and his warm tongue makes my skin cold when he moves away. He nibbles on my neck and his hands squeeze the flesh on my body through my silk dress. His touch is exquisite.

“She could hear us.” My voice comes out as a desperate moan, betraying me like a bitch, and I feel Harry smiling against my skin.

“Well, then you’d have to be quiet, won’t you?”

His mouth comes back to mine before I can answer and his hand, warm and big, cups one of my breasts and makes me moan on his mouth. His hands caress my legs, from my knees to my hips and the dress slips against my skin when he opens his fists.

His lips kiss my neck again. He knows it makes me fucking wet when he does that.

“I haven’t told you” I whisper “but you look so fucking sexy in this suit.”

His white teeth skim my skin as he grins.

“D’you like it?”

“You look like Tommy Shelby.”

He chuckles against my skin.

“And that turns you on?”

“Can you imagine if you were a Peaky Blinder?” I cup his jaw so he looks at me.

Fuck me, he is so handsome. I can feel the definition of his jaw on my hands and his eyes look so hungry and intense with dilated pupils against the brightest green I’ve ever seen.

“I would die.”

He frowns amused.

“Do you want me to be bad and rough?”

My cheeks tinge pink. No, I don’t. I like it the way he does it; gentle until he drives me crazy and then fast and hard and rough. My lips clench between my legs.

“I want you” My heart beats furiously on my chest “in my mouth.”

He doesn’t have any witty remarks to give me and that’s what I thought. Any other day, I would have teased him but he looks so fucking good and I can have him to myself now.

“You’ve been driving me crazy all night.” I confess.

I carefully lower down my hand from his shoulder to his chest and I feel his heartbeat, as fast as mine, and I love the way he’s looking at me. I touch him, I touch his chest and his arms and the buttons of his vest and he just lets me give me the same lustful adoration he’s given me plenty of times before.

I can say anything else because his mouth crushes against mine and he can posses me with one kiss and he does, his warm powerful tongue pushes my lips apart before it finds my own and caress it. His fingertips sink on my hips as he takes a deep breath through his nose and then his hands caress my belly until he cups both my breasts and squeezes them.

“Fuck, I want you.”

Still in my dress, I make a show of it as I get on my knees before him and his lips part. I unbutton his pants but keep the rest of his clothes on so I can see him and hooking my fingers on the hem of his pants, I slowly pull them down his thighs and leave him on just his boxers.

I love having him like this, all to myself, without saying a word or having control of the situation. He’s let me have the control for now and I know he trusts me like that. He doesn’t need to know what I’m going to do next. He just stands there and lets me have him and I feel fucking special for that.

I snake my hands under his shirt and caress his abs as I watch every seam of his jacket and the way it hugs his muscles. He is so fucking hot. I hook my fingers on his boxers and pull them down his legs so his hard, healthy, desperate cock is right there for me. I lick my lips before I hold the base between my fingers and lick a slow, timid stripe from the base to the line where the head begins. He gasps. I do it again.

“Please, baby” he groans “don’t play.”

Our eyes meet and I give him a little smile before I wrap my mouth around him and give him what he wants.

“Fuck.”

I feel his fingers tangling on my hair until his palm massages my scalp and I bow my head, slow and superficially at first, so he’s not yet reaching my throat, before I take him out of my mouth and lick him. His lubrication mixes with my saliva and always holding his base, I devour him like I’ve never devoured anyone ever in my life.

I want him and I want him forever and I know this might not be the most romantic time to realize that but that’s what it is. My yearning for him overcomes every other thought I might have in this moment and all I can think about, and all I am even, is just another part of him.

This time he doesn’t need to ask me to look at him because my eyes search him. I can’t take them off him. The sight of his manhood, this thick and close, drives me crazy so I think the fact that my eyes still look for him talks about how wonderful he really looks tonight.

Our eyes lock and I let my tongue out as I feed myself with him before I wrap my lips around him and suck. I feel him throbbing on my tongue.

“Fuck me, baby…” He groans. “You’re driving me crazy.”

Every time my tongue takes an extra slow lick he closes his eyes so I do it all the time because I love watching him and the way he grunts and moans when I suck him. I free him with a pop and pump my wrist instead, sucking his balls inside my mouth instead and his grip on my hair tightens.

“Shit.”

He’s fighting for breath and I revel on how vulnerable we both are right now. I’m keeling on the floor for him and yet he’s the one at my mercy. I lick him from the base to the tip and lick the crown of his hard on in circles. I smile when I look up at him.

“Fuck, you know perfectly fine…”

What I’m doing. I hold his thighs so I can use him as counterweight and leverage as I bop my head and feel his muscles tensing under my hand.

“Oh, baby”

I clench my thighs together trying to relieve some of the tension his grunts and moans are building on the lower side of my belly and between my legs and Harry places one hand on the wall beside him to support his weight whilst I bring him closer and closer to the climax with my mouth. I don’t take my eyes off his and I know that drives him crazy. His jaw is clenched when his lips don’t part and he lets out soft grunts. His hand moves from my hair down my cheek and his fingertips caress my upper lip.

“Fucking hell, love.”

I have all of him and I moan as he fills my mouth until I feel him on the back of my throat. I know when to stop so as not to gag and when I look up at him, he moans.

“I’m gonna cum, love.”

I nod my head while I keep on sucking and in a second, like he promised, he moans and I feel his hot cum on my tongue. I lick and swallow all of it whilst his thumb caresses my cheek lovingly and I lean my head on his head, revelling on his tenderness. When I get him out of my mouth, I give him a shy smile and he chuckles softly before he lifts me back to my feet. When I’m standing up before him, he wraps his arms around my body and pulls me to him in a tender hug almost unsuitable after what I just did to him. I hug him back and we stay like that for a few seconds.

Then his hand moves to the low of my back and he lays me on his bed but stands between my legs. His hands grab my thighs and pull my body to him until my ass is on the edge of the mattress.

“You look so fucking gorgeous in this dress, love.” His hand moves from my thigh to my belly until he cups my breast. “So fucking sexy.”

I desire him so bad it’s starting to hurt but he’s right there for me and I just have to be a little patient. He takes off my heels and then his hands caress my legs from my ankles to my hips, pulling my dress up with them. I moan when his fingers move my knickers away and he touches me. I’m dripping for him, I don’t think I’ve ever been this soaked and I feel like if he touches me twice I’ll combust.

He gathers some of my wetness on his fingers and slips two inside me and I moan and bite my bottom lip because I have to be quiet. I close my fist on his duvet and cling onto it while he thrusts his fingers slowly in and out of me.

I try to be as quiet as possible so only muffled strangled moans leave me every once in a while but I can listen my own wetness and Harry’s breathing. His other hand snakes up my torso and takes the strap of my dress off, exposing my breast before he wraps his lips around my hard nipple. He sucks and licks my breath and I arch my back and bite on my bottom lip. He’s taken off his jacket but it’s even sexier to see him with the cream vest and the blue silk shirt.

“That’s it, baby, you’re being so good, so quiet.” He whispers against my skin.

“Oh, Harry…”

I feel his hot hard on against my thigh as he keeps moving his fingers in and out of me. He hovers me and I hold onto his arm that’s moving his fingers inside me.

“Harry, please” I whisper “get inside. I need you, please.”

I don’t have to say it twice before I feel him filling me and satisfying my frustration. My hands curl around his biceps and he grinds his hips with a delicious, torturous rhythm and we both gasp and softly moan as much as we try to be quiet.

“You’re so beautiful.” He moans. “And you feel so good, fuck.”

I moan and feel my nipples hardening and the knot on my belly tightening and tightening and tightening. My walls flutter. And so does my heart.

“Are you close?” He whispers.

“Yes, fuck, yes.”

His lips cover mine and I feel my muscles tensing before I lose conscience for a couple of seconds. Harry keeps pounding over me trying to reach his own climax and overstimulating me. I moan and he kisses me so as to muffle my sounds. We could be heard but fuck, I think I’m gonna pee myself and if I pee on him I’d die from embarrassment.

“Harry, I-”

“Fuck, baby, you’re squirting.”

With another thrust he comes inside me and kisses me deeply but slowly, as if trying to calm me down. I have never felt like this before. I mean sex with him is always amazing but fucking hell I am exhausted, beyond consumed. I kiss him back and take deep breaths.

I’m not fully aware of the next few minutes, but I know he got me cleaned up and took my dress off for me before he took the rest of his clothes off and got in the bed with me. When I turn around, he’s grinning like a kid and I ask him what’s on his mind.

“I’m just thinking, teenage Harry wouldn’t believe this.”

I laugh.

“I’m serious” But he’s grinning when he rests his weight on his elbow next to me and hover my torso. “I can’t believe I just fucked someone as fucking gorgeous as you and that you’ve had me in your mouth and that you’ve fucking squirted. Jesus Christ, I think this was the best night of my life.”

I blush.

“That… Uh… That had never happened to me before.”

He grins.

“If only I had known about this Tommy Shelby fantasy of yours sooner…”

I laugh again but it’s harder and harder to keep my eyes opened so I rest my head on his chest and he hugs me.

“That had nothing to do with Tommy Shelby… It was all you…” I yawn. “I’d have you over him any day. I’d have you over anyone.”

[kurlyfrasier]

Spaghetti Girl (Part 2/3)

Dean x Reader

Synopsis: Ok so I had a really good description but lost it so.....yeah. Can’t think of words right now. Will add synopsis later...This is one of my favorite SPN fanfics I’ve written, so please read!

Word Count: 1790

Warnings: none

You had no idea Dean had a tender smile playing on his lips as he watched you dance. If one could really call it dancing. But it was good exercise and ten times more fun than your everyday workout routine your doctor had you on in an attempt to keep your symptoms down. 

Speaking of which, you would have to tell the boys you needed to split for a couple of weeks to go for your check-up, refill your meds, and probably get your yearly MRI done. The thought had you unknowingly stop dancing mid-song, a frown marred your features. How would you go about telling Dean you suddenly had to leave? You had no family, none who were blood related, anyway. They were the only hunters you really knew, so you couldn’t claim you were visiting another hunter. Maybe you could tell him you found a simple case. No need for them to come along. Maybe you could slip away. It’s not like Dean would really notice. He had made it clear he doesn’t like you anyway. 

Snapping your fingers, you strode out of the room, deciding that you’d tell Sam you would be gone for a couple of weeks and slip away that night with Dean none the wiser. Perfect! Then Sam could tell Dean you had to leave for whatever reason. That was, if he even noticed you were gone. For now, you would pack and find Sam.

Packing took less than ten minutes. You had decided to only take the essentials, a couple of books, and your trusty weapons duffell that barely left your side, just in case. You decided not to worry about your missing Nicholas Sparks book. You could always buy another one anyway. Sam, on the other hand, took a few minutes to find. When you did find him, you were surprised to see him in the kitchen. Alone.

“I thought Dean was making dinner?” You asked, slowly stepping into the room, eyes roaming for Dean, worried he would pop out any second and ask questions you didn’t want to answer. There was no way you could lie through one of his interrogations. The mouthwatering aroma of beef and red sauce didn’t even penetrate your senses, you were so nervous.

“Uh, he was,” Sam looked over his shoulder and continued when he didn’t see Dean with you. “He is, really. He had to step out for a sec. Looks like he made our famous Winchester Pasta Sauce too,” he smiled. Maybe he could help his brother out a little. He did seem a bit desperate earlier.

“Oh good. About him stepping out, I mean. And the sauce. Sounds delicious,” you babbled. Taking a deep breath, you continued. “Anyway, Sam.”

“Yeah?”

“I gotta leave tonight. I, uh, have someplace I have to be. Is it okay if I leave most of my stuff here?”

“Yeah that’s fine. Y/n, you know you’re welcome anytime and that room will always be yours, right? You’ve been here for a few months now. I was hoping you were thinking of this place as your home.”

“Yeah, yeah. It is. I just wanted to make sure, thanks.” You hoped he wouldn’t ask any questions as you awkwardly stood there, rubbing your hands up and down your hips. A sad attempt at wiping the sweat off your clammy palms. That happened when you were nervous… or lying. Or anytime you felt distressed, really.

“So, where are you going?”

“Denver,” you lied. You were actually going to St. Louis, but you didn’t want Sam to have to lie to Dean. This way if he asks or goes looking for you -which would happen with your luck- Dean won’t find out what’s really going on. Then he’ll never know about your neuromuscular problem and you’ll be able to continue hunting with them. You knew it was stupid, really. You knew hunting wasn’t the smartest thing to be doing with your disease. Not smart at all actually, but you felt like you were really helping people and that felt good. Nothing was going to keep you from ganking creeps and killers if you had any say in the matter. Not even the Winchesters. Luckily you caught the disease early on, so for now, your symptoms haven’t completely disabled you. Make things difficult? Yes. But you haven’t gotten to the point where your limbs don’t listen at all.

“So, why Denver?” 

“Change of scenery,” you shrugged. “I like the Rockies. It’ll be a nice vacation and Dean won’t have to be on his toes around me all the time.”

“I don’t think Dean minds having you around, y/n.”

“It’s okay, Sam, really. Some people just don’t click, ya know?” Even though you had wished that Dean would notice you. Or at least talk to you. Or that you would grow on him over time, like asparagus. Nobody really likes asparagus the first few times they try them.

“You gonna leave after dinner?”

“Yeah, tonight. After you guys go to bed.”

“No goodbye, huh?” Sam chuckled.

“This is my goodbye, Tallboy,” you smacked him playfully on the arm. “I just figured Dean isn’t going to care one way or the other. So instead of making him wish me luck and say goodbye, I’ll just slip out.” You smiled sadly. You think Dean and yourself would get along well if he gave you the chance. You both love classic rock and you’re both great hunters. He always makes you laugh when he deigns to tell jokes in front of you. Not that he ever tells you the jokes. “Besides,” you continued, “I’ll only be gone a couple of weeks.”

Around the corner in the hallway, Dean’s heart sank to the pit of his stomach. You were leaving. You were leaving that night and you weren’t going to tell him goodbye. Had he really made you think that little of him?

He had followed you to your room earlier, watched you pack and wondered what for. Now he knew. 

Without warning he walked into the kitchen as if he had no clue about the conversation. “Hey.”

“You’re back,” Sam stated the obvious, noticing immediately something was wrong, but kept silent about it as he moved away from the stove. “Uh, I went ahead and added the sauce.”

“Yeah, thanks man.” Dean was furious with you. Not that he had any right to be and he knew it. Which only made it worse. He wanted a nickname. He wanted you to tell him goodbye, for you tell him about your medical stuff. He wanted you to talk to him about books and movies and music and- well, everything. Yet all he had done was make everything worse and now, when he finally decides to show you he wants you- needs you, really- you’re leaving. For two whole weeks. He was going to lose his mind without you around. It was hard enough making you partner with Sam on hunts. At least in those situations he would be within hearing distance. But Denver?

“Spaghetti will be done soon, y/n, if you wanted some,” Dean said, unable to face you. 

If you wanted some? Of course you wanted some. There was no way even Dean didn’t know spaghetti was your favorite food of all time. Actually, maybe there was a chance he didn’t know. Considering he always seemed to go out of his way to ignore you.

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll go clean up real quick,” you said, slipping out of the kitchen. Sometimes Dean could seriously be frustrating. Maybe it was time you started thinking about leaving the Winchester’s bunker permanently. Obviously only one brother wanted you there, as much as you wished it wasn’t so, and it wasn’t the one in charge.

“That was-”

“A disaster, Sam. A complete and total disaster.”

“Well, as long as you-”

“Know? Yeah, I know. I heard every freakin’ word, Sam. Every. Word.”

“Oh. It’s only for a couple of weeks, Dean.”

“Only!? I’ve already wasted three months! Possibly ruined any chance I have.”

“I doubt that. Y/n’s naturally forgiving. We can come up with a plan while she’s gone. A whole new Dean.” Sam moved his hand in front of him as if he was reading the words in the air.

“Or we could follow her and make up a plan on the way.” Dean poured the sauce in with the noodles and started mixing aggressively.

“Follow her?”

“Yeah. To Denver.”

“You mean St. Louis.”

“No,” Dean shook his head. “I mean Denver. That’s what she said.”

“Yeah, but she was lying. You’d know that if you were in the room with us earlier. There’s no way she’s going to Denver.”

“We’ll talk about this later,” Dean whisper-hissed as he heard you walking their direction from down the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~

Both Winchesters were sleeping as you tiptoed through the halls. You had put your bags in your old Wrangler while Dean finished up the spaghetti. And by bags, you meant all of them. You were leaving the Winchesters for good. Never to return. You were sad about not telling Sam to his face, but a letter would have to suffice. There was no way you were going to go one more day in Dean’s presence. You have no idea what you ever did to him, but that man really didn’t like you. He only tolerated you because you and Sam got along so well and you knew it. But now you had to get to your check-up with Doc.

“Dean!” Sam yelled, shaking his brother awake. They had decided after dinner to head out after you in the morning. Sam had put a tracking device in your phone the first week you stayed at the bunker. So following you would be easy. “Dean! Wake up! She’s gone. Like gone gone.”

“Gone?” He shot up, clothes still on from yesterday. He didn’t want to waste even a second when they were to head after you.

“Yeah, she left a letter. Dude, she really thinks you hate her.”

“Give me that,” he snatched the paper out of Sam’s hand and sat up to read.

Sam,

I’m sorry, but this is a permanent goodbye. I know we get along splendidly and you make me feel very welcome, but Dean can’t stand me. I’m done making him feel uncomfortable in his own home. For that’s exactly what the bunker is for you guys.

I’ll miss you Tallboy. I hope you both live long lives like you’re meant to because the world would be nothing without you guys. Be careful out there. Maybe someday we’ll meet up again. 

Thanks for everything,

Y/n

P.S. Let me know if you find my book

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 3

[laora-inn]

Supernatural - Destiel and Crowley, seasons 6-12

Hi, guys. 

I’ve re-watched some episodes from Supernatural season 6 and that made me think about Destiel and Crowley - from season 6 to season 12 strictly.  

I love Crowley and think he is one of the main characters which helped Destiel to become closest to canon, though in a hard way. 

Destiel positive, one-sided Crowley/Cas, Crowley/Dean and Balthazar/Cas in subtext mentioned, don’t like - don’t read.

In the season 6, Cas’s working with Crowley was the reason of Dean and Cas’s fight, that literally almost ruined the world. From that point, Cas and Crowley have their own dynamics which Dean is far well acquainted with, though for us viewers it could be not so easy to follow.

Basically, Crowley stayed in the plot in season 6 just for these dynamics and Dean’s further frustration = jealousy. ‘Cause, if we’ll take a look at season 6, all the thing about Cas’s dealing with Crowley wasn’t so bad. Cas really had good purposes, Dean really could talk to him in a supportive way, and I strongly believe that in this case there will be NO Leviathans at all. As well as Cas’s “death”, they were a metaphorical result of Dean’s jealousy and bitter words, which also almost cost Sam his life.

Season 6 is a very interesting piece. For the first time, it’s not Sam who is the main character of the show. It’s more Dean’s story, and Cas is also “Dean’s“. He came mostly when Dean calls, they share “more profound“ bond.

Cas raises Sam from perdition, as he raised Dean, heals Sam, as he healed Dean, answers Sam’s prayers, when Dean doesn’t want to pray first, and is referred to as Sam’s “boyfriend” in 6x11 by Balthazar. But all these prompts to make Sam and Dean’s relationships with Cas equal fail.

Cas saves Sam from Hell FOR DEAN (and yet he can’t save THE WHOLE Sam, it’s Dean who manages to bring Sam’s soul back + Sam restores his memory himself, in time), heals Sam when Dean tells him to do it and THE OTHER WAY, just by touching his forehead, not by cupping his face intimately, as it was with Dean in 5x22. In 6x03 soulless Sam mentions that Cas doesn’t answer his prayers, then Dean prays to Cas, and Cas comes immediately, with the line about his and Dean’s more profound bond on his lips. In 6x10 soulless Sam tricks Cas with his prayer and even threats to kill him if Cas won’t help. In 6x12 Sam, not soulless anymore, tricks Cas with his prayer to know about his past and doesn’t want to hug him.

It’s all outlined. Why?

As for Balthazar’s referring in 6x11: he, of course, could have spoken about both Sam and Dean back there. “You” in “go ask your boyfriend” can be plural, but I rather suppose Balthazar meant Cas as Sam’s boyfriend specifically, and that’s as right as the fact that his words in 6x17, about “the other angel in a dirty trench coat who’s in love with you”, were specifically about Dean. And I’m sure, that in 6x17 Balthazar understands Cas’s intentions better - it’s the same episode where he saves Titanic because Cas told so. I suggest Cas and Balthazar’s reunion took place right before 6x15, ‘cause by the end of 6x15 we know that they are a new-formed team and all this episode has one purpose - to help Cas get the Heaven weapon from Balthazar. Misha’s cameo from 6x15 even tells some things about Balthazar while acting Cas - that Balthazar isn’t a hero and couldn’t beat Rafael, who isn’t definitely going to forgive him.

So, Balthazar’s words about Cas who is in love with Dean are more significant than his assumption about Cas as Sam’s boyfriend. We have enough evidences for the fact that Cas in this season is “Dean’s”, though he cares about Sam a lot.

First of all - ‘cause Sam is crucial for Dean.

No wonder that in 6x22 Cas knocks Sam down to crush Dean. He knows how it works.

So in this season Sam is a victim of Dean and Cas’s love quarrel, someone who is fostered by both of them. And this is the part of a plot structure, as well as Cas and Crowley’s and Cas and Balthazar’s little moments, which are not crucial for the whole Winchesters’ story, but are absolutely necessary to understand Cas in this season and his and Dean’s “hidden” plot.

‘Cause this “hidden” plot is the thing on which the main plot is grounded.

Balthazar and Cas had relationship before Dean was even born. Crowley and Cas had their relationship after Dean decided to have a peaceful life with Lisa and Ben, and this relationship matters from season 6 till the end of season 12. I think it’s basically the reason why Crowley helps Winchesters so much.

You see, for starters, Sam and Dean were just no one to Crowley. They were humans, not even his equals. But Cas - he was higher. As Dean in 5x22, in 6x20 Crowley sees a new “God” in Cas, the Heaven ruler. And he isn’t telling the whole truth about it for sure, but also he isn’t lying. I think in some way he respects Cas, even admires. And it’s not subtle in the plot logic, it’s the part of it.

Let’s check.

Season 6 - Cas and Crowley are working together all the way, Crowley doesn’t want Winchesters to intervene, he tries to kill them and is threatened by Cas. He said that Cas doesn’t know what he is. He is tricked by Cas twice, double-crossed, but not killed - opposite to Raphael. God!Cas needs Crowley.

Season 7 - In 7x01 God!Cas finds Crowley, but, again, doesn’t kill him. He makes authoritarian demands, which have weird subtext (“you take whatever I give you”) and really scare Crowley. He help the Winchesters to enslave Death, but has never did or even said something against God!Cas. In 7x23 Crowley reveals Cas is alive, but, unlike the angels, he isn’t mad. He wants explanations, receives some honey from Cas instead and says in philosophical manner: “karma is a bitch”. Later, he doesn’t try to kill Cas and even leaves Meg with the boys not to disappoint his “business partner”.  

Season 8 - Crowley is a Big Bad this season. Also, this season is the first time than Destiel becomes a real thing textually, for both Dean and Cas. And Crowley is a BIG BAD in the middle of that finally hopeful love story. Coincidence? Hell no! Also, the first question that Crowley asks when he sees Dean alive is “Where is your angel?”. 

In 8x02 Dean tries to kill Crowley who is possessing Kevin’s mum. Why? The same reason Kevin has: Crowley made him fight for his life for year and killed his girlfriend. That’s also relevant for Dean: Crowley is one of the main reasons why Dean must fight for his life for year in Purgatory and lost Cas there.

In 8x07 during their encounter Crowley doesn’t try to attack Cas. He also says, that Cas could call him when he was out the Purgatory. But Cas doesn’t want to make things right with Crowley, he tries to kill him and manages to have Kevin and the half of the demons’ tablet back. Without Cas it will be impossible: the text shows us that Cas doesn’t like Crowley. Not even a little, not anymore.  

In 8x17 Crowley understands that Cas tricked Naomi and is kinda fond of that. Also, he kills Meg here, whom he was torturing for a year and who definitely was Cas’s crash in 7x21-7x23. We also saw that Crowley knew about it - and about the fact that in 8x17 all Meg did was helping Cas and protecting him from Crowley, even if this would cost her her life.

Strange, but this will be also Crowley’s future.  

In 8x21 Crowley rescues Cas from Naomi. He also gets the angels’ tablet FROM THE CAS’S BODY, but lets Cas escape by leaving another angel with him and angel-killing bullet IN HIM.

Season 9 - in 9x10 Crowley is flirting with Cas as much as possible. Just re-watch it and pay attention to all of these “What are you, a pimp?”, “Oh, Cas, such a flirt”, “Hey. Watch the leg”, “I'll be listening to every word you say. - Promise?”, “Without the tie, he's barely recognizable” and “The three amigos ride again”. For some reason, it was more urgent for Crowley to talk about Cas’s being a human first and about Hell later. There was also deleted scene in 9x10, where Cas and Crowley waited for Dean in the motel. They were sitting on the same bed, Crowley called Cas “sunshine” and tried to talk with him about being human, then Dean showed up, and he was very concerned about how they are doing. Destiel shippers consider this scene as an approving one, and I’m totally agree, ‘cause it shows us that Dean is still jealous when it comes to Cas’s relationship with Crowley, and he actually HAS A POINT HERE - if we’ll look at Crowley. ‘Cause Crowley wasn’t interested in Dean back then, he was interested in Cas, who, in his own turn, was absolutely uninterested. He was against releasing Crowley from the start.  

It’s 9x11 where Dean and Crowley begin to develop their own relationship, and I suppose it’s grounded on the mirroring each other. Back in season 8, it’s no wonder why Crowley wanted “to play Dean” for Kevin. He felt something common with Dean, and part of this “common” was Cas.

In 9x11 Crowley says that he tried to hate Dean more than Dean himself but failed. Here he puts Dean in danger by leading him to Cain, who gives Dean his Mark. After that Dean’s way down begins. But this is also true for Crowley! He becomes human blood junkie and in 9x16 needs help. Also, he helps Dean in the end of the season, brings him back - something that Cas and Sam couldn’t do.

Season 10 - here in 10x02 Crowley and Dean’s (b)romance ends, and Crowley helps Dean to return to his normal life... by saving Cas with stealing angel’s grace for him in 10x03. I simply don’t understand WHY Crowley helped Cas here if we’ll ignore their relationship and Destiel. Crowley didn’t know Sam can’t help Dean himself and needs help for surviving. And how the hell did Crowley know that Cas can save Dean, that it will work? Why was he so sure? His words “you owe me” to Cas mean nothing, he’ll never remember them. They sound just like an excuse!

I think here Crowley: 1) wants to save Cas because of their relationship; 2) knows that Cas could “fix the problem” with Dean because of Dean and Cas’s relationship; 3) has sentimental feelings for Dean despite of their break-up one episode earlier.

Crowley couldn’t control Dean. But he thinks Cas can. And he is no wrong!

In this episode Cas says to healed Dean that Crowley stole some grace for him and this is the story for the other time ‘cause he has a female waiting for him in his car. Dean is very unhappy to hear that, and not because of “female” alone, but also because of Crowley. Crowley and some woman are the reason of Cas’s leaving again. As usual.

In 10x14 there was also one deleted scene with Cas and Crowley, where Crowley called Dean Cas’s boyfriend. Cas reacted with: “Maybe, he is your boyfriend?” and Crowley responded: “He is not my type”.

True - ‘cause here Dean gives the First Blade to Cas, not Crowley, and says that he tricked Crowley about Cain’s going to kill him. But they don’t kill Crowley. It’s just Crowley being rejected by both of them.

Still, in 10x23, after Destiel fight, Cas summons Crowley and asks him for help. And Crowley helps! His only demand to Cas is TO BEG for help. To say “King” and “please”. Well, kinky.

Also, Crowley proposes Cas to call him. Not to summon. And by the end of this episode Cas is cursed by Rowena and almost manages to kill Crowley.

Season 11 - it begins with Cas’s acknowledging that he didn’t kill Crowley (and that’s good, Crowley was a big help to save Dean from the Mark). Also, Crowley here has an orgy in some woman’s body. It was more urgent to him than anything else. Hmm.  

Some episodes later Crowley tries to be a foster parent for Amara. He is ready to kill Dean to protect her and fails. Amara becomes free, she wants to see God, the Winchesters want to stop her and call Crowley to see Lucifer. He guides them to Hell, where Cas becomes possessed by Lucifer. After saying good-bye to Sam and Dean Lucifer in Cas’s body returns to Hell, and Crowley isn’t hostile to him. He’s just surprised. 

Then comes a long BDSM story for Lucifer in Cas’s body and Crowley, and Lucifer do all the things God!Cas might do to Crowley but didn’t. When Crowley is free, he is desperate to expel Lucifer from Cas and return him to the Cage. That’s his plan, not Sam’s or Dean’s. Dean wants to expel Lucifer from Cas and give him a new vessel to fight Amara. Sam even didn’t see a point here - Cas and Cas’s vessel are two different things for him. 

Dean fails to expel Lucifer. So does Crowley - he tries in his own way, by possessing Cas’s vessel, like it was with Sam in 9x10. He says to Cas that Dean wants him to expel Lucifer, but Cas is depressed, so it doesn’t work. Also, Sam didn’t know, that he was possessed, and saw the point in fighting back, but Cas doesn’t see. So both Dean and Crowley fail. 

Season 12 - here Cas and Crowley start to look for Lucifer together and this is a horrible piece of news to Dean. Cas left him in 12x03 to work with Crowley again! Cas and Crowley are playing FBI agents together - it was Dean’s only role-play with Cas from 5x03! 

Cas isn’t happy either, but Crowley is. And that’s just amazing, ‘cause without Crowley Cas could be dead in 12x07. Lucifer just saw Crowley and wanted to punch him instead of Cas. No wonder that Dean thanked Crowley for helping Cas here. In 12x08 Crowley helps with Lucifer again. In 12x09 he is uninterested in looking for the Winchester boys, though in 12x12 he helps again - and not just with Ramiel. He rescues Cas from dying. Dean thanks him for that for the second time in 12x15.

In 12x21 Crowley knows about Cas’s bailing off with Kelly. He tells Lucifer about it and calls Cas “Winchesters’ love slave”. He thinks that Cas wants to kill Kelly’s baby. Then Lucifer gets free, and Crowley sacrifices himself to stop him. To save the world, the Winchesters... and Cas - for the third time. 

So Cas was important for Crowley from season 6. He is one of the main reasons Crowley acknowledged Winchesters at all, saw something in them. 

And Crowley, in his own turn, is one of the main characters to expose nature of Destiel. He was always somewhere in the middle of their relationship, mostly as Dean’s mirror. 

Well, from season 13 the nature of Destiel changed. 

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Point of No Return: Part Three

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,012

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

Since you didn't find Dean anywhere, you thought he must have done what he wanted and headed back. You expected everything to be exactly the way you left it, however, that wasn’t the case when you and Sam got home to discover that Adam was gone.

“Bobby, what do you mean, ‘Adam is gone’?” Sam repeats.

“Should I say it in Spanish?”

“He’s gone how? What the hell, dad?” you gasp.

“Watch your tone, young lady. He was right in front of me, and he disappeared into thin air,” your dad explains.

Suddenly, a gust of wind carries throughout the room, and Castiel appears with a bloody and battered Dean in his arms.

“Because the angels took him,” the angel explains.

“What the hell happened to him?”

“Me,” he growls and tosses him on the couch.

“Seriously?” you ask.

“Like he didn’t deserve it,” he shrugs.

Your first instinct is to go to him to take care of the cuts and bruises on his face, but with the way he’s been treating you tells you to back off.

“What do you mean the angels took Adam? You branded his ribs, didn’t you?” your dad asks.

Fuck it, you go over to Dean and kneel by his body. Your hand glows blue as you touch his face, and the cuts you touch heal automatically as your magic works its way through his system.

“Yes. Adam must have tipped them.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. Maybe in a dream.”

“Well, where would they have taken him?” Sam asks just as the last cut heals.

A tear rolls down your cheek, and you hesitantly pull yourself away from him.

“I’ll find that out. In the meantime, make sure he doesn’t leave,” Castiel says and disappears.

“What do you plan on doing with him?” you ask the men in the room.

“We cuff him downstairs. Clearly, he’ll find a way to escape. If he’s cuffed, he won’t go anywhere. Let’s grab him, Y/N,” Sam takes charge.

You and Sam go downstairs with Dean and back into the panic room where the older brother is cuffed to the cot. It pains you to see him like this, especially when he thinks he has nothing else to live for. Ever since your secret came out, you feel like you two being in a relationship isn’t going to work out.

Dean is resting on the cot, Sam is sitting by his side, and you’re standing awkwardly off to the side with tear-stained cheeks. Thinking back to all of the bad shit you’ve done to yourself and to the brothers, none of them compare to this. Nothing compares to the guilt you’re feeling about ruining your relationship with Dean. It may not be now, but you two might break up over this. You can feel it.

Dean shoots awake, and when the handcuff resists his urge to pull away, he looks at his brother and then at you. In all his life, he never thought you would be crying because of him. He never thought he would be the reason you looked the way you did. He did feel bad, but what you did was wrong, and he’s having so much trouble finding it in himself to forgive you. Sure, you can make another kid, but it wouldn’t be the same.

“How are you feeling?” Sam asks.

“Word to the wise: don’t piss off the nerd angels. I thought I would hurt more after what Cas did to me,” he sighs.

“Y/N healed you.”

“Right,” Dean whispers and looks away from you.

“Adam’s gone. The angels have him.”

“Where?”

“The room where they took you and Y/N before.”

“The golden room with no doors or windows,” you butt in.

“I know what it is,” he snaps. You shut your mouth in shame and look at your feet. He turns back to his brother. “Are you sure that’s where they have him?”

“Cas did a re-con.”

“And?”

“The place is crawling with mooks. It’s pretty much a no-shot-in-hell, hail-Mary kind of thing.”

“Ah, so the usual. What are you going to do about it?”

“For starters, I’m bringing you with,” he confesses and gets up.

“Excuse me?”

“There are too many of them,” he talks while he unlocks Dean’s cuffs. “We can’t do it alone. And uh, you’re pretty much the only game in town.”

“What about Y/N?” Dean whispers.

“Look at her. Do you really think she’s in the right mind after the way you’re treating her?” he whispers back.

“She killed my child.”

“Yeah, so talk about it like fucking adults. Don’t shut her out.”

“Whatever, look, isn’t bringing me into this thing a bad idea?” Dean’s voice raises once he changes the topic.

Of course, you heard him, but you decided it was best to stay silent through it all.

“Cas and Bobby think so. We’re not so sure.”

“Well, they’re right. Because either it’s a trap to get me there to make me say yes, or it’s not a trap and I’m gonna say yes anyway. And I will. I’ll do it. Fair warning,” he shrugs.

“No, you won’t. When push shoves, you’ll make the right call.”

“You know, if the tables were turned, I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.”

“Yeah, well, I guess I’m not that smart,” he chuckles.

“I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this?”

“Because you’re still my big brother.”

Sam pats him on the back twice and leaves the room, letting you and Dean be alone. Dean wants to say something to you, but he goes against it and just leaves. This is getting to be too much, but you have to pull through if you’re going to have hope that you and Dean are going to make it out of this alive. You take a deep sigh and follow the brothers upstairs to go over the plan Sam came up with without telling you. Or maybe he did tell you, and you just didn’t listen.

Regardless, you three have a plan.

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[stoopsbookstore]

When You Understand (Chp. 3)

Knock knock knock.

"Jae? You okay, dude?"

Seulgi cracked open the door, Jaehyun's fist bleeding, wrapped in a dirty shirt from the floor.

"I'm fi-"

"Fine doesn't normally include a bloody fist and a hole in the wall Taeil has to explain to the Dean," Seulgi slipped through the door, quietly closing it behind her as Jaehyun threw the shirt on the floor, "Is this about Y/N?"

Jaehyun huffed, running his fingers through his hair. His refusal to answer was all she needed.

"Why haven't you ever told her how you felt? You guys have been friends since childhood."

"I know. Everyone keeps reminding me," Jaehyun reached for his phone, no texts or photos from Y/N.

"Well, it's obvious you have feelings, what isn't obvious is why you're not running to her right now, breaking up her date and riding off into the sunset like the fucking prince I know you are," Seulgi's tone felt like a mom scolding her son, Jaehyun's head hanging in embarrassment.

"It was always a bunch of what ifs. What if I tell her and she doesn't have the same feelings? What if I ruined the friendship?"

"Then you need to put on your big boy pants and tell her or fuck your emotions and get over her."

Jaehyun threw himself on the bed, his eyes following the fan on the ceiling, around and around as Seulgi leaned against the wall.

"You're going to be thinking about what ifs until you tell her. And by the looks of her Instagram, it needs to be soon."

Seulgi left Jaehyun alone, a quiet tune in the background from Johnny's speaker playing.

》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《

"Hypothetical question," Jaehyun sat down in front of Y/N, his lunch tray coming close to splattering on her senior project research.

"As long as you don't ruin my papers, go for it."

"What if we were meant to be? Like soulmates. You said yourself you believe in the Greek Gods, so why would Aphrodite be so cruel to pair up two people starting from childhood, nay, not childhood, practically right out of the womb," Y/N's laughter stop Jaehyun in his train of thought, shrugging his shoulders at his hypothesis, "if they weren't meant to be?"

Jaehyun watched as Y/N stuck her tongue out of her mouth in a moment of hesitation, thinking of her answer.

"Well, if we were to get together, what if it goes south? What if we broke up and absolutely hated each other? Aphrodite would be so cruel," Mocking Jaehyun's tone, Y/N waved her hands in the air like a cooky magician, "to create a soulmate connection only to snip it and create chaos. She was a Greek Goddess after all."

"Well we ain't never gonna know unless we try it," Jaehyun took a bite of his lunch, playfully jabbing his fork at Y/N.

"Are you trying your new pick-up lines on me? Because if you are, they suck, dude."

"I think telling a girl that you will stick with her through whatever is very romantic. Through any whats if, any doub-"

"And any troubles that may send in the way. Are you going to use our promises we made when we were 9 to prom-pose to someone?" Y/N flicked her pen at Jaehyun's face.

"Hey don't be so mean. I was born on Valentine's day, I'm practically Cupid's son."

"And yet, you can't pick up a girl. Which considering how handsome you are, someone has your heart in a damn chokehold if you reject even the great Choi Miyeon."

Y/N had a great point, someone did have his heart locked up in the strongest safe in the world. He knew that if they tried, it would end up with them being married or a horrible ending where the two will never forgive each other.

"I'm just saying what if I was made for you and you were made for me?"

Y/N closed her textbook at the cheesy lines, gathering all her papers and shoving them in her backpack. "Well, we'll never know unless we try it."

"I could kiss you, what if you liked it? The bell is about to ring, people have already started to line up. One peck?"

Y/N and Jaehyun were eye to eye with each other, both of them leaning in just as the bell rang.

'Damn. I thought I had more time.'

"I guess the what if will have to wait, I'll see you later, Hyunhyun," Y/N kissed Jaehyun's cheek, "but you should probably work on those pickup lines."

》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《

"You two just need to sit down like the damn grown adults you are and talk about your feelings."

Seulgi pulled Jaehyun off the bed, brushing his shirt straight and gently slapping his face twice.

"She's with Seonghwa right now, I can't really go over there, kick the door open and confess my love."

"I can text Miyeon and Shannon and have them get Seonghwa out of the house," Seulgi pulled her phone out, typing away, "they should be heading back from a study session with those guys from the 17th Street dorms."

"What if I don't want to ruin our frie-"

"You're either going to ruin your friendship or yourself, pick one."

The ultimatum had Jaehyun's heart and brain in a wrestling match. He tries to put everyone, especially Y/N, before himself, he doesn't like to be selfish.

But maybe he should.

[myinconnelly1]

Throwing Pebbles- Death Sentence (3)

Masterlist / Previous

Word Count: 759

Warnings: Canon violence, canon gore

“Sam, Dean, what a pleasant surprise,”  Julie had come around the corner in front of them, and they both stared at her trying to get to the next train of thought.

“Lady Julie, what a fitting color for you, you’re a vision in this light,”  Sam said eloquently taking in the sight of her in the pale yellow dress.

“Lady Julie,”  Dean said formally and gave her a quick bow.  At the halfway mark he he noticed a a small amount of blood staining the yellow of her dress around the shin.  His eyebrow quirked before he came back up, and he grabbed Sam’s arm again.  “You’ll forgive us, we are in a rush.”  He led his brother off ignoring his protests.

“What are you doing, Dean,”  Sam asked, looking back over to hear her soft food fall fade down the hallway.  Dean made a snide comment about the crush that he knew was festering under Sam’s skin, as he contemplated the blood that he had seen on Julie.

It would be easily explainable, perhaps she had cut herself while being dressed that morning, or she had an unfortunate incident with a sharp plant.  Dean rolled his eyes at himself, knowing those were very unlikely situations, but he wasn’t sure what else to think.

“I’ll take first watch for the hunter, you see what you can hear from gossip, then rest.  I’ll wake you when it’s your turn.”  The brother’s parted ways.

He took up a well hidden spot in the brush certain that no one would see him unless they knew he was there, and waited.  It was a long wait, but one he was not uncomfortable with.  He had been trained by his father from a young age, always on the job since his mother had died.  Noise caught his attention hours into his wait.  But that’s when he saw the dark cloak and a flurry of skirts.

He knew it was a woman, and one with money from the material of her dress.  She was in the middle of a fight with a vampire, with what looked like a garrote around it’s neck.  The wire between the handles was sharp as Dean soon realized when the monster’s flesh was cut.  But she was still a small woman, and the vampire threw her to the ground in front of him.

She landed with a soft ouff and as she looked up daze, she made eye contact with Dean.  Her pink lips formed a small O of terror as Dean came out from the brush pulling his sword and slicing through the monsters spine in a single swipe.  Dean turned to look at her extending a hand to help her up.

“We are going to be executed.”  Dean said simply looking over at the corpse of the vampire.

“Only if someone finds the body.”  Julie responded darkly as she looked up to him through her lashes.

“You have a plan?”  He asked sheathing his sword.

“I had a place to dispose of this before you heroically came to my rescue.”  She lifted her chin.  “How long were you going to wait to come to my aid?  Would you have if I hadn’t see you?”  She questioned.

“Not now, Milady.”  Dean chided.

“Very well, I shall get rid of him,”  She pointed at the corpse.  “You go about whatever you were doing, and we shall never speak of this again.”  The agreed and Dean went to retrieve Sam.

It was close to two a.m. when Julie returned to the castle the grime from the confrontation washed away.  She was sneaking back into the castle when a large body slammed into her and straddled her against the ground.

“Lady Julie?”  Sam asked quietly as her hood fell away revealing her face.

“Sam, you mustn’t tell anyone you’ve seen me.”  She begged with the younger knight.

“You’re the hunter?”  He asked shock clearly written on his face as pieces of the puzzle became clear to him.  “That’s why we ran into outside of the main hall.  You were listening in on the conversation with the king.  I have to turn you in.  You know this will be a death sentence.”

“You can’t, please.  Sam, this will ruin my father.”  She pleaded.  Sam looked torn at the decision.

“I know.”  He seemed honestly saddened.

“I’ll do anything.  Please.”  Julie said, hoping to avoid the only option left to her.

“There is nothing you can do.”  Sam said simply.

“You’re brother helped me kill it.”  She closed her eyes as a tear fell.

@waywardbaby @destielhoneybee @snffbeebee @deangirl7695 @spnbaby-67 @maddiepants @tabrown2021 @ladywinchester1967 @woodworthti666 @miraclesoflove @tumbler-tidbits @emilyshurley @akshi8278 @mannls @wendibird @bobasheebaby @flamencodiva @theoneandonlymelol @chelsea072498 @donnaintx @justsomedreaming @supernaturalenchanted @kalesrebellion @prettydeaneyes​ @idreamofplaid

[winchester-with-wings]

It’s All Just a Cover - END

How It Should’ve Ended (the outline)

It’s All Just a Cover has come to an end. This was my first ever series and the story was so dang ambitious that I don’t think I ever could’ve finished it, at least in a short enough time frame where I’d still have readers interested in the story. And it’s such a shame too because I had a lot of plans for the series. A bunch of drama! But a little while back, someone reported the story on AO3 as violating copyright because of the songs in the fics, because I used so much of the lyrics. I get that. It was never my intention though. So I took it down from AO3 and figured this was the sign that the series should end.

But I didn’t want to leave anyone, at least myself...hanging. Rather than it being one of those series that just gets abandoned, I wanted to at least bring it to a close. Tell you how the story would’ve gone on.

cover art by @scarlet-soldier-in-an-impala​ Hope you’re doing well!

SERIES MASTERLIST  /  YOUTUBE MASTERLIST

Pairings: Rockstar!Reader x Dean, Rockstar!Gabriel x Sam

Series Summary: You’re the lead singer in a popular cover band. Your brother Gabriel is the drummer with signature candy cane drumsticks. Balthazar is the sexed up guitarist and Gadreel is the band’s stone faced bassist and songwriter. And Castiel is the band’s manager. You’re content living the facade of a rockstar lifestyle, trying to get signed to major label. But then one night, Gabe invites Sam Winchester backstage and his brother Dean comes with. Over time, the older Winchester ultimately makes you reconsider who you are and what you want.

Beta: @autoblocked​

Mobile Masterlist  / Ko-Fi

Wanna get previews, early access and make exclusive requests? Become a Patron! You can follow my Patreon for free too as some stuff becomes public after a while. I’ll be adding a discord server benefit soon too!

Here we go!

Picking up right after Part 16.

You and Dean have confessed your love for one another. 

The very same day you have rehearsal. Gabe is smitten with Sam and dedicates the song “Heat of the Moment” to him.

You’re not feeling good. You’ve got a sore throat and can’t sing that night. So you all convince Dean to sing some covers. 

CUE all of those marvelous songs we’ve heard Jensen sing! 

http://winchester-with-wings.tumblr.com/post/161250464921

http://winchester-with-wings.tumblr.com/tagged/rockstar+AU

http://winchester-with-wings.tumblr.com/tagged/rockstar-jensen

Once you’re feeling better, you continue singing at The Bunker.

The band gets signed by Abbadon’s record label! Even though they wanted to be signed by Crowley. Gadreel says they should take the deal instead of waiting around for Crowley’s record label.

Your ex-boyfriend, Michael comes to the show. 

Michael is prissy and in line to be a CEO. He loved you but wanted you to stop singing and get a “real job.” He didn’t believe or support the band.

Before the show starts he finds you. He’s come back because he heard about the record deal. He sounds kind of like a gold digger. 

When the show begins you’re seething with rage and play it out through the set list with songs like “Criticize” by Adelita’s Way and others. 

You leave the stage abruptly because you’re getting overwhelmed like you’re about to have a panic attack. Dean gets through the crowd and gets backstage to comfort you. 

You get back on stage and play it off like you’re fine and just performing. “You ever just have those people in your life, who think they’re all that and that you should be with them? This goes out to those assholes.”

You sing “It’s not you” by Halestorm. 

Michael comes up to you at the end of the show and Dean’s at your side. 

“Is this him?” Michael asks, smug. “What does he do for a living? Bartend?”

“Unlike you, Michael I don’t judge people by their occupation or passion,” you say.

“So, not even a bartender,” says Michael.

“I’m a mechanic,” Dean answers and you hate that Michael goaded him into standing up for himself. 

“Dean, he’s not worth it. Let’s go home.”

“Oh, so I highballed you,” says Michael. “I see you’ve really come up in the world, now you’re the breadwinner.”

Dean punches him and they fight. Cas and Sam pull Dean off of Michael. Dean is pissed off that the man spoke to you like that and hurt you in the past. You’re over it quickly and have to calm him down. “It’s fine. I love you, Dean. I’m happier with you than I’ve ever been. Just forget about him.” 

And that’s the last you hear about Michael.

SABRIEL: While the band records and tours, Sam and Gabe find time to be together, falling in love.

One night when you’re at Dean’s, Sam and Gabe come out of his room at the same time. Dean and you are surprised. Sam is shy and embarrassed and insists it was only sleeping. Gabe says he’s a gentleman. “It was all over the clothes stuff.” Dean groans and is grossed out. They really did keep their clothes on. 

Dean suggests “We’re going to have set up a schedule or something because this is weird.”

Gabe and You say: “we have roommates”

Dean: “2 sets of siblings…”

You: “Gabe’s my step brother” 

Dean: “...banging each other”

Gabe: “Hey! I don’t bang. I make love.” You and Gabe share a laugh and smile.

Dean: “I know it sounded weird but you know what I mean.” Sam gives him a bitch face. 

Sam: “We didn’t do anything,” he insists

Dean gives him a “Really?” look because there’s a hickey on Sam’s neck. “At least maybe put a sock on the door.”

Gabe: “I keep my socks on.” 

Dean gives him a really surprised and weirded out look and everyone laughs

On tour, tensions rise as Ruby tries to hook Sam on drugs. She’s already convinced you to give up the facade and actually live and partly like a rockstar with alcohol and drugs.

Cas warns you to be careful with this rockstar lifestyle because you’re using drugs and not maintaining your relationship with Dean, while getting too close to others.

At the end of the tour, Dean hasn’t heard from you in a while. He goes to your hotel and finds you with Pam and Jo--the way it looks is that you’ve been high and having sex with Jo and Pam and that’s true.

Dean confronts you. You say you’re a rockstar and he knew what he was getting into. But before you signed with Abaddon “It was all just a cover.” you only pretended to be a high and drunk rockstar. But now you’ve gone full tilt and he can’t be around that.

Dean breaks up with you and leaves.

Post break-up: You use Jo for emotional reasons and Pam for sexual. 

You’re into a routine of using Pam as a booty call but we’d never see the sex, just the aftermath of you leaving Pam in bed and examining your body in the bathroom where you have hickeys and scratch marks. 

You always thought that being with a woman was supposed to be more gentle but not when you’re with Pam apparently. The sex is good but it just feels like a bandaid or something that’s numbing the ache in your chest.

Hanging out with Jo means she lends you a shoulder as you admit that you miss Dean and that you fucked up and you feel terrible because you feel like you’re taking advantage of Jo. But Jo says it’s okay. That’s what friends are for, lending support after break ups. Jo offers to stay the night so you text Pam: “Nevermind. Don’t come over.”

You share a bed with Jo and start crying. Jo pulls you in close and holds you. When you’re no longer crying, and you’ve dozed off for a minute, you both wake up and Jo dares to kiss you and you respond but then pull back. “I’m sorry. I can’t use you like this. It’s not fair to you. I love Dean. I know I hurt him and he’ll probably never forgive me but I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” Being with Jo also reminds you of Dean so it’s tough to imagine being with her.

You continue on with your self-destructive relationship with Pam and drugs.

You’re in a motorcycle accident and hospitalized. Dean visits you in the hospital.

Cas helps you get clean. 

Gabe and Sam are doing well and Gabe gets Sam a puppy--because obviously Sam deserves a puppy.

Sam tells you about how Dean is a wreck without you. Just works, eats, drinks, and sleeps.

Now that you’re clean the band tries to break the contract with Abbadon.

Sam finds a loophole in the contract.

But Gadreel leaves the band. He signs a solo deal with Abbadon. Metatron is his agent now, stealing him away from Castiel.

Castiel becomes the new bass player and they start playing back at Chuck’s club, The Bunker.

You beg for Dean’s forgiveness. You’re the one who screwed up and he didn’t deserve that.

You get back together.

Crowley comes around and signs them with a fair contract. You promise to stay clean.

END: Dean asks you to move in. Sam graduates and lives with Gabe who has asked Dean’s permission to propose. We have the promise of a happy future as Dean has his mother’s ring tucked away for the right moment.

------------

Tagging: @thinkwritexpress-official​ @autoblocked​ @talesoftheimpala​ @mrsbarry-allen-1031​  @gryffindorable713​ @therealcap​ @team-barry @lilyoflothlorien @littlemiss-annoying @whoopxd​ @shadowpriestess6​ @overlyobsethed​ @so-get-this-i-need-pie @castihelloboys​ @jensen-ross-snackles @cheering-you-on @beautiful-and-strange​ @hcg87 @gracehappyfeet​ @havingfunenjoyinglife​ @dontsassmecastiel​ @your-worry-home @aprofoundbondwithdean​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @its-my-perky-nipples​ @oriona75​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @faroutwinchester @xo-raven-xo-blog​ @book-loving--anime-chick​

I know it’s been a crazy long time since this was updated and I don’t even know if some of these blogs are still active but hey, if you wanted a quick closure, here ya go. otherwise, feel free to ignore :) <3 Sarah

[carryonmywaywardwriters]

Forgive Me Father - Priest!Dean x Reader

A/N: Why does this one feel so much better than LHYHM?! I need to smut more often, obviously...Anyways. I stayed over a little late so my phone could charge (I’m not home, if you didn’t know). And if I’m lucky? I’ll actually be able to pump out the next part of LHYHM before the week from hell hits. I’ve been hella motivated the last 24 hours. Until then, though? Have some more Dean porn.

As always, feedback is incredible. And, I hope you all enjoy <3

Part One

PSA: I am NOT a minor friendly blog. This piece especially. If you are below 18, please come back when you’re older. I don’t want to lose my blog because you were too eager to grow up. If I discover you, I WILL block.

Warnings: Smut. PWP. Oral (Female receiving). Fingering. Kinda public sex. Role play. Kinda dirty talk.

Word Count: Roughly 2,400

“Dean?” You walked into the empty church somewhere in a tiny town. Tennessee, much like the rest of the bible belt, had plenty to spare. Ducking under a cobweb, you glanced around in interest.

Anyone else would have been intimidated by the way the darkness surrounded you. Only pieces of light breaking through the rotted walls. Kudzu clung to pieces of old brick; the vines had already taken over half of the outside. A third of the inside. Humidity forced your clothes to cling to your skin in a way that only made everything feel that more closed in. The one thing that you feared, however, was the sight of a venomous snake or spider.

Your hunter senses remained peeled as you moved. Listening for a sign of him. Or one of the aforementioned creatures.

Sure enough, there was a creak above your head. A single ray of sunlight that had managed to sneak from above was broken for only half of a second as the shadow walked past. An intentional slip, you were sure.

Your lips curled up as you moved towards the stairs. Each sound of your feet on the steps was deliberate. Letting him know exactly where you were. Hoping the anticipation of your body moving towards him was causing his pulse to throb like it was yours.

When you got to the door, you could openly hear the movement from inside the room. The words 'Father DeNiro' were etched onto a wrinkled piece of paper over the previous owner's true name. Crude, but it'd do in a pinch.

Without missing a beat, your fingers found the bottom of the white dress he'd insisted you wore. Ensuring that it was tugged down over your chest in the best kind of way. It had looked modest on the hanger. Yet, was anything but when it was clinging around your body. If Dean wanted to play, you were more than willing. Following through with a small, timid knock the game kicked up a notch.

“Come in,” The words followed the squeak of a chair. You let your eyes move over the room as you opened the old wooden door. Dean had been a busy man.

A light mint smell filled the air- an attempt to both set the mood and deter spiders. Something you appreciated greatly. Candles lit up areas where electricity had been shut off eons ago. Making up for the areas where the sunlight couldn't quite reach. The dust had been cleared away in the room. A rag hidden under a piece of furniture, you were sure. He sat at the large, old, wooden desk. Donned in the gear you'd fallen to your knees for- literally.

“Father?” The door was shut carefully behind you. Hardly making a sound. You let your back rest against the wood, letting your eyes widen almost comically. Slipping into your role.

It didn't take much effort to get there. He was bent over, reading over some kind of paperwork. Likely notes from the hunt, or maybe even his next credit card scam. A pair of thick rimmed spectacles sat on his nose- the hell hound glasses.

Somehow, it added to the experience. Exactly as he'd planned, you had no doubt. When Dean Winchester wanted to play, he didn't miss a detail.

“Y/N.” He sat up, looking as surprised as he could muster. The dress aided in your cause. He'd known it would look good. Just hadn't been quite prepared for the way your breasts peaked out of the top. “Have a seat, please.” He motioned towards the padded chair that sat across from him. His hands reached up, lowering the glasses from the bridge of his nose; leaving those dangerous pine green eyes on you in their place.

“You wanted to see me?” Your head tipped to the side as you lowered yourself into the faded leather. A good girl would have crossed her ankles. You weren't a good girl.

Your knee came up over the other, flashing the crotch of a thin pair of white panties his way. His nostrils flared at that, but he gave no other indication that he'd witnessed the fabric hardly covering your lower half. His willpower was incredible. Determined to see this through.

“Your family is worried about you,” He answered, locking his fingers together as he leaned onto the desk. The action tugging the black material across his arms and chest just right. You saw his too full mouth twitch as he resisted the smile on his face. Noting how your tongue darted out to wet your lips at the action.

“Oh, really?” Your back leaned into the chair, resting your free limbs on the arms. The action pushed your breasts forward. Fighting back with your own tricks. “What about, exactly?” The way his eyes trailed over your chest said that it was appreciated.

“You've been heading down a bad path,” He answered, tilting his sharp jaw more into the air. Highlighting the five o'clock shadow that rested there. The confidence in his role was astounding. “Consorting with demons, summoning spirits, dabbling in witch craft...the list could go on.” You didn't flinch as the accusations came out.

“Guilty.” Was your answer. The inner minx unable to resist the possibility of punishment. “Are you going to tell me how to repent, Father?”

“A sound lashing would do you good,” He leaned back in his chair, then. Searching over your body as he thought about where he wanted to lead the day's fun.

“You're going to spank me?” Your brow lifted at that. Sounding almost hopeful in the process. It was exactly what you craved.

“Not that kind of lashing.” You understood what he meant, then. Your spine straightened visibly, earning a small smirk. “I don't believe in corporal punishment.”

“Then what do you believe in, Father?” Your knee fell off of the other one in anticipation as he got to his feet slowly. Giving you a chance to take in every piece of his predatory stance.

“A good, ole fashioned tongue lashing,” He answered. Despite knowing where he was going, your breath hitched at the way he said it. His teeth caught onto his plump lower lip; letting it slide through so slowly that you thought you were going to burst into flames. His tongue rested against the back of his teeth as he took that first step forward. “Open up, sweet heart.” Who were you to resist? Your legs widened a bit as his knees just barely brushed against yours. “Wider.” His calloused fingers gripped your thighs. Tugging them open as far as he could get them. “I think better pray, first.”

Every bit of what was happening was sacrilege. Surely Chuck, wherever he was, would be scandalized by the easy way you two fell into the act. You didn't give a damn.

“I'd like that,” You breathed out. Voice thick with longing.

He lowered himself to his knees, then. Your gaze never left him. Not even when his palms rubbed over your the apex thighs. Whispering an undecipherable little prayer over the sight that sat in front of him.

As he murmured, his hands crept higher. Reaching for the fragile lines of your panties. Your hips lifted, letting him tug them down your legs. Over your shoes and to the floor. The material was already wet, earning a small click of his tongue. He shoved the ruined underwear in his back pocket. Knowing you weren't going to need them any time soon.

“Lean back...bring your hips closer,” He ordered, pulling your leg over his shoulder when you did as instructed. Your dress was bunched up over your waist. Not that you minded in the slightest. “You're not going to like this.”

“Of course not, Father,” The breathy way you said it had him smirking before he dipped in. His nose just barely brushing against you.

He started slow. Just letting his lips lightly graze over your flesh. His fingers pressed into your thighs, holding your legs open wide. It wasn't until a small whine left you that he added more pressure. Kissing your mound deeply in a way that earned a satisfied sigh.

Softly, he began tracing through your folds with his tongue. Licked, sucked, and nipped away at your wet heat until you were trembling in the chair. Your fingers had stopped digging into the faded leather. Instead, finding their way to his hair. You tugged, earning small groans that vibrated through you. And then, the punishment truly began. The pressure increased. All mercy forgotten.

When he finally pressed his tongue into you, you thought you were going to lose it. He wasn't having that, though. Not yet.

“Don't cum,” He ordered, pulling away to meet your eyes. His own were a deeper pine than they'd been only minutes before. Lips shining and swollen from his activities. Tiny freckles still visible in the low light. Fucking perfect. “Not yet, Y/N.”

Then, he was back to work. Fucking you harder with that damned tongue of his. Torture at its finest.

You tried to focus on something else to keep the control in place. Your eyes left his face, and turned towards the open window. Looking for birds. Attempting to count the dust particles dancing in the sunlight. Hell, even hoping for a spider to take your mind off of the friction inside of you. It was useless.  

Instead, your eyes closed; letting yourself feel as he pressed his fingers deep inside your waiting body. The slick sounds of your tight hold accepting his touch filled the air, leaving you breathless. He had no leniency; curling his fingers inside of you to scrape against your g-spot. Forcing a strangled moan mixed with his name to leave your lips time and time again. His tongue traced around your clit, adding pressure just to the left over and over. Drawing whimpers and his name brokenly from your mouth.

Dean knew exactly what he was doing. He brought you to the edge. Once. Twice. Only backing away when you could just feel the beginnings of your orgasm. So dreadfully sinful.

He hadn't been lying about the anguish he could inflict. Just when you thought that you couldn't take anymore, he pulled away. Pressing his lips against your thigh affectionately. Basking in the shiver of it. Forcing your eyes to open weakly.

“I think I've learned my lesson, Father,” You breathed out shakily. Your body was boneless against the chair he'd held you in.

“Not quite,” He managed, his voice rougher than it had been earlier. God, you loved the sound of it. The deep gravel of it was enough to make your insides twitch. “I think we can dig deeper, here.” Your body was pulled forward, allowing for your arms to wrap around his thick neck. He lifted you in a well practiced manner. His breathing was hard, but not from the effort of carrying you. It was from his own arousal. The clothed erection rubbed against your sensitive flesh as he moved; stopping only to throw the papers off of the desk with a single hand before letting you sit on the cool wood. “You were speaking in tongues, Y/N...” He murmured, his dept fingers lowered to his belt. Flicking it open. “I think a baptism is in order, Darlin'...” Absolute fucking blasphemy. You simply leaned back on your elbows, watching as the pants dropped to the ground.

“This is going to fix it?” Your eyes batted innocently, resting on your elbows as he freed himself from his boxers. Shoving them down to meet the black material below. He didn't bother to remove anything else. There was no need.

“Sweetheart, it'll fix anything.” He promised, low and steady as he lined himself up. He moved slow, pressing the tip in first. “Watch, Y/N...” He pulled away a bit before pushing in a little further. Each time, he got a little deeper. Stretched you a little better.

Your lip tugged between your teeth as you watched him bury into your body fully. His own eyes rested on where your bodies met. Then, he seemed to snap. His hips reared back, and slammed forward. “Dean,” You whined, giving up the rouse. Letting his true name fall from your lips with ease.

Your head tossed back as each harsh thrust rocked your body against the creaking desk. The strength left your arms, leaving you to lay flat back, legs sprawled. The position only opened up more room for Dean to move forward, and lean over you.

His pace never slowed. He grew more demanding as you weakly met each thrust. Only stuttering when he moved to tug your legs up and over his arms. Letting him shove even deeper inside your clenching heat.

“Fuck,” He murmured reverently, watching your body accept everything he had to give it. The sound of his thighs slapping against yours filled the room; echoing off of the empty walls. “You're so fucking sexy.” Before you could argue, your legs were pushed back down. Your upper body was yanked upwards so that his lips could slam into yours. Hungrily blocking your ability to whine his name, again. You clawed at his costume as his tongue moved in time with his hips. Wrapping your legs around his back to hold him close.

His pace grew unsteady. With each squeeze of your body, he grew a little wilder. More sloppy. His fingers reached down between your bodies. Rubbing at your clit mercilessly. Even then, he tipped over the edge first. Stilling as he throbbed deeply inside of you. The action was enough to set you off, whimpering as your orgasm washed through you.

When it was all over, everything was quiet again, except for your mingled breathing. Without a word, he pulled away. Tugging out the cloth he'd carried in his other pocket. In a practiced move, he cleaned you both up before tossing the rag across the room. Not caring that it was out in the open.

“So...” You crossed your legs as Dean snapped up the slacks. Tugging the dress down your thighs to cover up a little. “What brought that on, Father DeNiro?”

His eyes crinkled at the name, “This place called to me.”

“Thank Chuck for that,” You sighed out, still feeling deliciously weak. “Must'a been God's Will...” Going to Hell for your actions was a given. But, somethings were just worth it...

Forever: @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @supernaturalginger​

[demonsofhunting]

"Stay With Me" ( Destiel One Shot )

Summary: Dean struggles with the mark of Cain. He wants to leave. Cas is there for him, and shows him how much he's loved. ( or from "a solid amount of pain" to "fluffy fluffy" in one fic :D )

Warnings: language, angst, pain, dark/depressive thoughts (I mean, it's Dean...), hurt/comfort, fluff

Words: about 2000

A/N: Tadaaaa! There you go. This one is a bit longer than the last. I tried my best, and it was really interesting to write.♡ I love the mark of cain storyline, but in this fic it's just mentioned, so you can read it without knowing season 9/10, too.

I hope you'll like it! Enjoy! <3

"Dean. Calm down. You need to stop. We can fix this!" Sam says.

"No, we can't! I - I need to go," Dean cries out, his voice rough and full of pain. They're in the bunker, it must be around midnight. The lights are not as bright as they are during the day. Sometimes, they flicker because of the heavy unweather outside. Raindrops are falling down loudly, and the wind howls.

Inside, the air is filled with anger and fear. Dean is standing in the middle of the hall, ready to leave. Sam and Cas are blocking his way. He looks at them, fury in his eyes.

"Dean -"

"Shut up, Cas!" he growls and steps back. The angel winces, and Dean immediately feels the regret for his harsh words. His anger fades, and the look in his green eyes softens. He takes another step back, tugging his bag on the ground, slowly: "I'm...I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't mean to -"

The angel shakes his head, fastly.

"It's alright. The mark, I know that it affects you, Dean. You don't need to hide your feelings from us. From me. Please, don't push us away," Cas says, and he does that with so much desperation that Dean feels like somebody has stepped on his heart.

He's suffering because of me. Sam too. I'm such a burden.

The younger Winchester just stands there, nodding and glaring at Cas, carefully. Dean sighs.

Even this small movement hurts.

Everything hurts.

It was only a couple of weeks ago, since he has got the mark of Cain, and he already feels like he can't fight it much longer. It's like a constant, creepy whispering that crawls through his brain, ready to make him do terrible things.

Things he is definitely capable of doing.

And it scares the shit out of him.

The nightmares, the bad thoughts and visions, they're killing him slowly.

And there's no going back.

I can't escape. We're all going to die because of me.

Dean can feel tears coming up, but he fights hard to hold them back. He won't cry in front of his family, he won't allow himself such a breakdown. The hunter always fears that if tears start to come out, they're never going to stop streaming down his cheeks. Maybe they won't.

I'm such a weak piece of shit.

It's best if he takes some time off.

"Please," his voice breaks, "Let me go."

Cas crosses his arms, his face full of determination: "No."

"No," Sam adds.

That's it.

No.

NO?!

Dean can't help, and an ironic laughter bursts out of his lungs: "Really? You must be kidding me!" He throws his arms in the air, his tongue running over his bottom lip, uncomfortably.

"No, we're not," Sam tells him. He shakes his head and takes a step forth, "We're family, and since you're acting like a big suicidal idiot, we won't let you go alone. Anywhere."

Cas nods: "Exactly."

Dean growls. He balls his fists and can feel the mark pulsing. It's hungry.

I'll need something to kill soon. Someone.

Shit.

"Fine," he shrugs, "If you can't live without me, guys, I'll stay." Then he grabs his stuff, turns around and makes his way back to his room while Cas and Sam are staring at him.

---------------------------------------------------

Of course, Dean doesn't want to stay for real. If that means, that Cas and Sam will be safe, he's willing to do everything he can - before the mark finally manages to break him. And for now, this means to bring some distance between him and the others.

They will be safer without me.

The moment Sam finally turns the lights off and goes the fuck to sleep, Dean grabs his bag again and makes his way to the heavy door of the bunker. No one tries to stop him this time, and it almost seems a little too easy to be real, as he finally makes the first step out this prison of his.

The cold, deep air punches him in the face, and he breathes heavily as he makes his way to the Impala which is parked nearby.

"Hey, beautiful," he mutters, carefully, "Let's go on a ride." He makes his way inside and closes the door behind him. His heart hurts like hell, it's so damn difficult to let them go.

You can't stay and ruin their life. Drive. Now.

And he does.

Baby's purr helps a little to deal with all the different feelings that are raging inside him, but he already knows that things will probably only get worse.

"Fuck!" he screams in desperation.

Suddenly, tears are streaming down his cheeks, the air filled with his sobbing.

That's what I do. I let down the people I love.

His sight is going blurry, and Dean blinks to banish the pain again.

C'mon! Don't be a baby!

"I'm fucking trying to -"

He hits his hands on the steering wheel while driving. One time. Two times.

He hits it hard, until the pain in his fists finally manages to distract him a little. Rain is falling against the windows like it's never going to stop.

Dean tries to sing along to one of his favourite Led Zeppelin Songs, but he screws up - even more than usual.

The highways are dark and empty. He feels so lonely. Just as lonely as he felt when his dad left him alone back then in his twenties. His chest aches, it's like his body forgot how to breathe.

"Son of a bitch!"

That's enough. He stops the car on the side of the road and comes out of it.

Then he breaks down, falls to the ground.

The tears are flowing, his whole body is shaking, and he cries out, his hands buried in his hair. The cold wind blows over him, tugging on his clothes. Rain pours over him like it wants to drown him. The icy water makes Dean feel numb, and he just gives in, lets it all go. He just lies there in the mud, face towards the sky, rain running over his body.

In this moment, all he wants is to die.

--------------------------------------------------

When Dean wakes up the next morning, he lies in his own bed. His throat hurts, and he moans.

What the fuck?!

He can't remember how the hell he got here. There's a fluffy blanket wrapped around him, carefully, and a cup of tea near his head on his nightstand.

That's...disgusting.

Someone took off his shoes and put them next to the bed. The door to the floor is closed, but Dean can hear two voices whispering behind the wood.

He sights. Of course, they found him.

Suddenly, somebody knocks on the door. Even without seeing the person Dean just knows who it is. "No! " he rasps, his hands reaching for a pillow, fastly. When Cas enters the room, he covers his face with it.

"Hello, Dean," the angel says and sits next to him. After a moment of awkward silence, he asks, worried: "Dean, are you alright?"

"No, I'm everything else but that," the hunter growls underneath the pillow.

"Okay, but why do you hide your face?"

It seems like Cas' confusion is back at it again.

" 'Cause I want to!"

"This is not an answer, Dean. I need to take your temperature. Maybe you're having fever," Cas continues, one hand slowly resting on Dean's stomage, while the other one is reaching -

"Okay, fine!" Dean growls and throws the pillow across the room. He frowns at the blue - eyed angel, "See? I'm okay. No need to be creepy."

"Thank you, that's all I wanted" Cas smiles.

"Mmph."

"Dean...?" Cas begins, carefully.

"What?"

"What...What were you doing out there?" he asks, and there's so much pain in his eyes that Dean immendiately wants to smite himself.

He blinks, looking everywhere but not to Cas. "Nothing," he says, " I was just taking a break from driving, that's all."

"I don't believe you," the angel determines.

"And?!"

Suddenly, Cas leans over Dean and starts to kiss him. Dean gasps, surprised. But then he starts to kiss Cas back, his hands playing with the angel's dark, messy hair. He tastes like home, and Dean completely loses himself in his presence.

Damn.

It's not like Dean never thought about kissing his angel, but he hasn't done it yet. Every time he thought about making the first step there was the fear of Cas leaving him, or even worse - that something bad could happen to his love.

But in that moment all the worries are gone. There are only a hunter and an angel, being close, really close to each other. And it feels wonderful, magical.

I want this.

Cas pulls him closer, his hands running down Dean's waist.

Holy fuck.

Then he stops and retires. He looks at the green - eyed hunter, his cheeks turning as red as Dean's favourite cherry pie.

Dean feels like there are a thousand of butterflies trapped in his chest, and he breathes heavily.

"Woah," is all he manages to say, he doesn't even try to hide his excitement.

"Guys, I just wanted to -," a familiar voice comes from the door frame, but stops immendiately. Sam's mouth falls open, then he laughs, nervously, his hand running through his locks. "You know what, nevermind," he rasps and disappears, pulling the door shut behind him.

Awkward silence. Dean clears his throat.

"Uhm, what were you saying again?" he asks Cas, slightly biting his bottom lip.

Cas smiles, his cheeks turning even redder. "I - I...," he shakes his head, softly, his eyes wide and honest, "I knew you would sneak out...I knew it! Sam too. We wanted to lock the door, but he said, that this probably won't hold you back, so..."

"You - You followed me?"

Dean can't believe what he just heard.

What the -

"I did. I just wanted to -," he shivers, "Dean, I promised you, that I would watch over you, no matter what. I couldn't let you go! I lost you on the way, because of the bad weather, and when I found you I thought that...I thought you were dead."

He sniffs, his hand reaching out for Dean's, then stopping halfway through it. The hunter grabs it, softly. "I wasn't," he mutters.

"But you could have been," Cas says, his voice filled with pain, "I could never forgive me that. Never."

Dean swallows, his gaze searching for Cas'. "I'm alive. Yeah, I'm alive, maybe just because of you," he whispers. Then he chuckles: "Wow, I'm such an idiot."

"Yes, you are," Cas confirms.

Dean nods, slowly. "An idiot you're in love with, right?" he asks straight out. He bites his bottom lip, and can't hide his smile, as Cas' head flows up.

"Dean, I -"

He simply puts his hand over the other's mouth. "Don't. I don't wanna hear it," he tells the angel, while he just can't stop grinning.

"Dean!" mumbles Cas and shakes his head. Dean chuckles, then he just says it: "I think I'm in love with you too, Cas."

He takes his hand away, still smiling. Cas looks pretty confused at first, then he realises, and his face lightens up.

"Are...are you sure?" he blurts out.

"I am. All I want is for you and Sammy to be safe. That's the only reason why I tried to get away from you, Cas. 'Cause I love you way too much to lose you too."

The smile already fades again. His sight is getting blurry, and he blinks the upcoming tears away, hastily.

Don't cry again. Not now.

"Oh, Dean," Cas sights, and hugs him. After that, he kisses him gently on the top of the head, "You're so stupid."

"I know," Dean mutters, and closes his eyes, "Love it when you do that, though." He pats on his head where Cas lips have touched him.

"I hope so. And if you promise me to stay with us and help us to kick it in the ass - together -, I'll do more than just that."

Dean smirks, warmth filling his chest. And for a heartbeat, it all seems like the mountains of problems in his life can be solved one day. Like he still has a chance to win against the darkness that is already eating on him.

In that moment he wants nothing more than to believe that, while being with his family, working on a solution together.

Maybe there's still hope.

As an answer, he grabs Cas by the shoulders and pulls him into another long and passionate kiss.

"I promise," he whispers.

Cas smiles and kisses him again.

---------------------------------------------------

Aaaaand that's it! Thank you so much for reading and if you would like to leave a comment or reblog this shit I will love you forever! <3

Have another kiss from Misha!

Just like last time: feel free to tell me if you found mistakes, too. I know that this is far from perfect. :D

Tagging those who actually signed up for this mess ( including some new, brave volunteers ) @adoptdontshoppets @thedemoniccow @ablavalba @smodernlife @ignis-glaciesque @certaindeanwinchesterforcastiel @xsghn thank u❤

[charlie-minion]

21 Supernatural Questions

I was tagged by @amwritingmeta – thank you for including me, sweetie. You’re so lovely! I gotta tell you that it honestly made my day when I read that one of my favorite meta writers considers my blog one of her favorites, so yeah… thanks! :’D

Now let’s tackle these super fun questions ;-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

I remember I watched for the first time around 2009. Season 4 was on, here in my country, on Warner Channel. I’m sure that season had already finished in the U.S. at that time, but it was just starting to air here in El Salvador. I didn’t know anything about the show and I didn’t know what season that was either, but now I know it was 4 because all I remember was that some dude had rescued another dude from Hell. Period. I understood next to nothing about the plot because I hadn’t seen any episode prior to the beginning of S4. I caught a few episodes now and then and continued to watch for some time until the schedule changed. The eps started to air at 11:00 p.m. and I had to get up early for work, so I stopped watching.

In 2013, I spent one year living in North Carolina with my older sister. I was having a difficult time, so I moved to my birth country (USA) to escape everyone and everything. I had no TV in my room, but I had my laptop and my sis had the first 7 seasons of Supernatural, so I was like, “Hey! I might FINALLY understand that freaking show that looked so cool”. That’s how I started. I wasn’t planning to binge-watch the whole thing, but it became addictive pretty fast.

I loved the first 3 seasons, but once I got to season 4 and Castiel was introduced, I was hooked for real! When I watched season 5 and I saw the “I did it, all of it, for you” from 5x02, I started Googling Dean and Cas, because I was SO SURE I was seeing romance there, and I couldn’t be the only one. I was super excited when I found out there was a Supernatural FANDOM (back then I had no idea that was a thing). And I was even more excited when I learned about Destiel, about shipping, and about all the fandom culture. I joined Twitter, became a Misha stan because the more I read about him, the more I adored him, and I got caught up just in time to watch 8x17 live.

Can you imagine becoming a Dean/Cas shipper all on my own, doing research, finding out about Destiel and then the VERY FIRST EPISODE I watched live, while living in the U.S., was Goodbye Stranger written by Robbie Thompson?!! Those were the days!

I have been watching live, along with the fandom, ever since March 20, 2013. I joined Tumblr during the hiatus and started writing meta (accidentally) at the very beginning of season 9. So yeah! This show has been a very important part of my life for over 6 years now, and I don’t want to think about how things might change after the show ends. NOPE. Not thinking about it AT ALL. (At least not yet).

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

I absolutely LOVE my three boys. I want them to be happy because they deserve it. But, we can all have a favorite, right? I was a Dean!girl when I started binge-watching. When Cas was introduced, I became a huge Cas fan, and I thought he had become my favorite. However, lately I’ve understood that I became a huge MISHA fan, and that’s a little different. If we’re talking about the SPN cast, Misha is and will always be my favorite because he’s a real life angel. I love that man with all I have! But, if we’re talking about the SPN characters, I have to admit that I will forever be a Dean!girl, no matter what.

I’ll continue after the cut because, apparently, it’s impossible for me to give brief answers :P

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

This question sounds cruel, but I want to understand it in a ranking way, not in an “I hate this character” one.

If I have to rank TFW, for me, it would be:

Dean

Cas

Sam

HOWEVER, let it be known that I love my three boys immensely, and I want a happy endgame for the three of them. If Dean and Cas had a happy ending, but Sammy didn’t, that would ruin it for me. Ranking doesn’t equal hating.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs!

I’ve said I follow very few blogs because I curate my fandom experience a lot, but you guys make my time on Tumblr extraordinary. I enjoy seeing you in my dash, reading what you blog or reblog and just knowing that you’re around as part of this community. If you answer these questions, please tag me ‘cause I’d like to read what you got to say about our beloved show. Much love to each of you! ♥♥♥♥♥

@dimples-of-discontent @mittensmorgul @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @naruhearts @casthegrumpy @fangirlingtodeath513 @bluestar86 @viva-la-cockles @obsessionisaperfume @caswouldratherbehere @perfectlyelegantdelusion @occamshipper @amwritingmeta (and no, Annelie, I’m not tagging you because you tagged me; you truly deserve to be here). 

If you’re not tagged, please forgive my poor memory, but if we’ve talked before, or I reblog/like your posts, please know that I adore you. ♥

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Oh my! This is so hard to answer. Supernatural has had so many amazing characters that choosing only one is hard. But I guess I have to go with Charlie Bradbury. The only time I seriously considered to stop watching the show was when Charlie was killed off. I was very angry and disappointed, and 10x21 became an episode I truly hate. I don’t think I have ever re-watched the whole ep because the writing was SO BAD. Dean and Sam were stupid in that ep, and Cas was basically a lamp. I… NOPE. Disgusting episode for sure. And I lost my beautiful lesbian queen.

 6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

I should say Charlie again, but because she got covered in my favorite non-TFW character, I will choose someone else for favorite woman.

And that has got to be Rowena. I don’t think there has ever been a female character in Supernatural written better than Rowena. And because the show’s ending, there will never be.  

7. John or Mary?

Definitely Mary. We got to know her better. I know certain parts of the fandom didn’t care much for her, but I loved her a lot, not despite her flaws but because of them! She was made human in a realistic way. We had only seen the idealized version of her through Dean’s eyes, but once we got to meet the real Mary, it was something I enjoyed. John, on the other hand, is not a bad person, but he wasn’t the best parent. He loved his children, and I know that, but his love doesn’t negate all the crap he put his sons through, even if his intentions came from a good place. I like the closure the boys got with him in 14x13, though. I was not against it at all. But, as John would say in that ep, “Me versus your mom? That’s – that’s not even a choice.”

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Dean: Since the first moment I saw Dean, I knew he was faking and was trying to hide how broken he felt. That’s why I fell in love with him from the get-go.

Sam: My first opinion was that he was supposed to be the mature and detached brother.

Cas: I thought that he was meant to be the epitome for the enemies to friends trope. (And I added “to lovers” one season later).

Jack: The only opinion I had was that he was going to be the opposite of Lucifer. The characters were saying he was evil way too early for it not to be subverted. 

9. What’s your favorite season?

There are many seasons I love. I mean, this show has given us SO MUCH. But, season 8 is probably my favorite for two reasons. First of all, because it was the first one I watched live once I caught up. And to this day, the season finale still blows my mind.

And second, because it was when Carver took the reins of the show and did his best to fix the Gamble era. He gave the Dean/Cas dynamic a serious note, narratively speaking. I’ve said before that even though I shipped Destiel in the previous seasons, it wasn’t until season 8 that I saw an intentional development. It wasn’t played for kicks and laughs anymore, and it wasn’t just Misha’s and Jensen’s doing either. It was in the plot. The whole ‘I stayed one year in Purgatory just to get you back’ and all the ‘I couldn’t bear to think you didn’t want to come with me, so I chose to make it my fault’. Season 8 marked a new era, indeed, and Destiel became a real thing from then on, in my opinion.  

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Even though there are some episodes from that season that I truly love (and they’ve become memorable, like The French Mistake or The Man Who Would Be King), as a whole, I don’t enjoy season 6 much. After a formidable season 5, Sera struggled to keep the boat afloat and it shows. Season 6 is certainly the weakest.

11. Opinions on Destiel?

My whole blog was born because of Destiel, so? What do you want me to say? Hahahaha. Destiel is life. And I can divide my opinion in 4 (depending on the showrunner):

Destiel was a fortunate accident during the Kripke era. It was played for laughs and it was the result of whatever was going on between Jensen and Misha. Their chemistry had nothing to do with the script.

Destiel was a tool during the Gamble era. I don’t like to use the word “queerbait”, but I think the closest Supernatural has been to that was when Sera was the showrunner. It seems to me like she used the ship to lure the fandom and keep the audience, but it’s clear she had no intention of giving a resolution (we all know how she treated Misha, so…).

Destiel became an intentional part of the narrative during the Carver era. As I said before, it wasn’t until season 8 when you could clearly see that things were not accidentally there anymore. It wasn’t a joke, either. The ship sailed for real during the Carver era, but Jeremy was not allowed to give a resolution because the show continued to be renewed.

Destiel became canon during the Dabb era. I mean, I know people will argue that it’s not canon yet. And I understand what they mean. But, in my opinion, Destiel hasn’t been TEXTUALLY made canon, but when Andrew took the reins of the show, he made Dean and Cas sooooo married that I came to the conclusion explaining the subtext was unnecessary. It was WAY too in the nose to need explaining. So, I stopped trying hahaha. I don’t know if we’ll ever get Textual Canon Destiel, but in regards to Subtext, it can’t get more canon than that. And noooo, that doesn’t mean queerbait at all. Queercoding is a thing, you know?

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

As per my previous answer, currently I don’t think Supernatural queerbaits. I do believe Dabb, Bobo and company want to give the Dean/Cas storyline a satisfying resolution. I have no idea what they will be allowed to do, but even if they can’t textually give us what we want, I have faith they will find a subtextually strong way to wrap things up. I enjoyed when Misha and Jensen explained in the DC Cockles panel the restrictions the CW puts, and I think it applies to so much more than blood and language.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Seasons 8-14, no doubt. For two reasons: 1) They are really good (and gave Destiel relevance) and 2) those are the seasons when I was already part of the fandom and could enjoy week after week.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

I think Chuck is the best of the best. Because when we look back, we now know that all the other villains were thanks to Chuck’s machinations. Plot wise that’s amazeballs! I mean, the fact that we always thought (or hoped) that God was on the Winchesters’ side just to learn he was the villain all along. Chef’s kiss!

 15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

I think they squeezed the freaking Lucifer plot line as much as they could… until it got to a point where I was sick of it. Everything related to Nick and Lucifer in season 14 was stupid and boring, to say the least. The plot line should have ended when Dean stabbed Lucifer. Although… I would have liked a better closure for Sam, but I’m good. As long as I don’t have to see Pellegrino again, I’m good.

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

I don’t like this question and refuse to answer because trauma is NOT a competition (either in real life or in fiction). Trauma is trauma and it affects people. Something Sam went through was painful to him and that same thing may be less traumatic to Cas, but that doesn’t mean the repercussions and the suffering are less real for Sam, just because Cas suffered in other ways that may have affected him more. Trauma is personal. All I know is that the three of them have gone through A LOT and that’s why they deserve peace and happiness. Period.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

There are more than 300 reasons to love this show. I mean, it’s almost impossible to choose ONE episode out of so many that I love. But for the sake of this question, I will answer with a very personal choice. My favorite ep could probably be 12x22 because of the moments between Dean and Mary. Dean needed a moment to finally say what he had been repressing all his life. All that hate mixed with all that love. He needed to let it out. And it was both gut-wrenching and beautiful to watch. I always cry when I see it (and I mean gross sobbing for real).

18. Do you like case episodes?

I like them most of the time. I don’t enjoy them so much when they air because I would like the plot to move forward, but it’s the case episodes where we learn more about what’s going on with our characters (their internal emotional battles) through other characters and subtext. It’s an interesting exercise, and that’s why I end up liking most case episodes in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

For people who have been following my blog for some time, this will come as no surprise. I relate the most to Dean Winchester.

In fact, I AM DEAN. I can find in my life every single thing about Dean’s journey. I came to accept my sexuality thanks to Dean (first as bisexual, and later as demisexual once I became more educated). I have felt worthless and like I don’t deserve to live or to be loved, just as much as Dean. I have felt like a burden, like I’m here just to help/please others, and if I’m not doing that, then I’m failing at life.

I get why Dean lashes out and hurts the people he loves even though he’s so afraid to lose them. I understand why Dean builds huge walls to protect himself from being hurt and what he needs to grow. Because his struggles are my struggles. And now I’m crying, so I better move on to the next question.  

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

I like Supernatural because I’ve been able to learn about myself thanks to the characters. Despite being a genre show, the personal journeys (character arcs) have been so real and relatable that I truly think this show is a masterpiece. The fact that I’ve grown as a human being thanks to an ordinary TV show is incredible. I don’t think there will ever be another show like Supernatural in my life.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

I would bring back Charlie. The original Charlie. I mean, I know we have seen lovely Felicia Day again thanks to AU!Charlie, but I couldn’t connect with her the same way I did with the original one. Probably because not even the boys have been able to connect with her the same way, either. They see her and they will always see the little sister they lost. It’s hard to think of AU!Charlie as her own person if she always reminds you of the one you lost. ETA: I forgot who I would kill. I guess no one. I mean, if Lucifer were still around, I'd kill him. Or Nick. I just got tired of his face.

Wow! This turned into a very long post, but I had so much fun.

I tag EVERYONE who would like to do this as a way to pay tribute to our wonderful show. Much love to y’all!

[supernatural-fangirl1967]

This Isn’t Going to Work - Part 5

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Tiny bit of Fluff

Word Count: 1,972

A/N: This is part 5 of This Isn’t Going to Work.

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4

Series Masterlist

You hear Sam calling your name as he pulls on your arm, but it sounds like he's a million miles away. It feels like everything is in slow motion. This isn't real, you tell yourself. This isn't real. I'm dreaming. I have to be dreaming.

"(Y/N), come on," Sam says as he tries again to get you to move. "We have to go. (Y/N), are you listening?"

You look over at Sam, and when you see the panicked expression on his face, reality comes back into focus. I'm really here. Dean's really dying.

"No!" you cry out. "No! Sam, I-I can't... I can't leave him."

"We can't stay in here. We have to give the doctor and nurses room to work if we want them to save Dean," Sam tells you calmly as he begins to lead you away. You look back over at Dean's lifeless body and watch as he gets further and further away from you.

You can't fight back. You want to. You want to make Sam let go of you so you can run back over to Dean. But it's like all will has left your body. It's like you're not in control anymore.

Before you realize it, you're in the waiting room, sitting in a chair, and staring ahead at the boring wall.

"(Y/N)," Sam says softly as he sits down beside of you, gently placing a hand on your shoulder. You look over at Sam and blink slowly, the reality of what just happened finally setting in.

"I'm sorry," you tell Sam quietly.

"For what?"

"Sam, that's your brother in there, and I..."

"Stop," Sam says softly as he shakes his head at you. "Don't do that. Don't feel guilty for being upset. I'm just happy that Dean found someone who cares so much about him."

"Then you probably hate me for leaving too."

"No," Sam tells you quickly. "I knew you had to have a good reason to leave. Dean just wouldn't ever tell me what happened. But, (Y/N), Dean doesn't hate you either. He never did."

"He has to," you tell him. "I ruined everything because I got scared and now..."

"Hey," Sam says. "Let's not worry about that right now, okay? Dean's hurt, and you're here because you love him, and that's all that matters for the moment."

You nod your head and stare back at the wall, not taking your attention off of it until the doctor walks back in.

"He's stable for now."

You and Sam both let out a sigh of relief.

"You need to let us know immediately if he begins to try to wake up, but I suspect he won't make it through the night."

"What?" you ask quickly. "I thought you said he's stable."

"For now. But his heart is too weak. We're doing everything we can, but his body is failing. You can go back in at anytime."

"Thank you," Sam tells the doctor before he leaves. He looks over at you and swallows hard. "I guess we'd better get back in there."

You nod your head as you desperately hold back the tears. "He's gonna be okay, right?"

"Yeah," Sam replies quietly as he stands up. "Come on." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You okay?" Sam asks when you stand up abruptly.

"Yeah," you reply. "It's just sitting in the same chair for the past four hours is making me a little restless. I gotta stand up a while."

You look over at the monitor to see that Dean's heart is still beating steadily, so at least that's something.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Can Dean hear us?"

"More than likely," Sam replies. "The hearing is usually the last sense to go."

"So he knows I'm here? Do you think he's heard my voice?"

Sam smiles a bit. "(Y/N), I think Dean would know you were here even if you hadn't said a word around him."

You swallow hard and nod your head. "I just... If he doesn't... I want him to know that he's not alone. That you're here and that I showed up for him."

"He knows," Sam tells you. "I promise he knows."

You walk over close to the bed and take Dean's hand in yours again. You lean over and place a soft kiss to his cheek, squeezing his hand just a bit.

"I should go," you tell Sam as you look over at him.

Sam raises an eyebrow at you. "Go? Go where?"

"Home," you tell him.

"Why? (Y/N), you were just talking about how you want Dean to know that you're here, and now you're going to leave?"

"Trust me, Sam," you begin. "It's best if I go home."

Sam nods his head before standing up to pull you into a hug. "Please be careful."

"I will," you reply. "Call me if anything changes."

"Yeah," Sam says as he nods his head, wanting nothing more than to beg you to stay for his brother's sake. But he has a bad feeling that it won't do him a bit of good.

You look back at Dean before turning to walk out of the room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You run down the stairs and through the hallway of the bunker. When you reach Dean's room, you quickly open the door and start going through everything. You check the nightstand first, quickly coming up empty. Next, you go through the dresser, taking out every piece of clothing, and making sure to go through every pocket there is. You check the closet, looking in all of Dean's coats before going back over to the bed. You look under the bed, the mattress, and you even check the pillows.

"Where is it?" you ask, knowing nobody's there to answer. You stop and take a deep breath, trying to think it through. Where did he put it? Where on earth did he put it?

Then you remember.

You race towards the library, finding the red book laying on one of the tables. You walk over and pick it up, being careful when you open it and praying that you find what you're looking for. When you see the black, velvet box wedged in the square that's been cut out of the pages, you can't help but to smile in victory. But the victory soon turns to nostalgia and longing.

"Hey, sweetheart," Dean hollers from the other side of the library. "Can you grab that red book behind you and look something up for me?"

You turn around and put your hand on the first one you see. "This one?"

"The one to the left."

You grab it before starting over to Dean, opening up the book as you go. "What do you need me to..."

"Something wrong, (Y/N)?" Dean asks when he sees the look on your face. He gets up and starts over to you.

You look up at Dean with tears in your eyes as you take the little black box out of it's hiding spot. "Dean," you breathe out.

He smiles as he takes the book form you and sets it aside on the nearest table. Dean then takes the box from your hand and drops to one knee, causing you to gasp a bit.

"Sweetheart..." You start nodding your head, and Dean's smile widens. "I haven't even asked anything yet."

"Then hurry up," you tease.

Dean chuckles as he opens the box. "(Y/N), will you marry me, sweetheart?"

You nod again and close your eyes, letting a few tears slip. "Yes. Yes, Dean!"

He quickly takes the ring out of the box and slips it onto your finger before jumping up to his feet. He wraps his arms around your waist, and you press your hands against his chest. He pulls you in for a long, passionate kiss that lasts until you both have to pull back for air. Dean smiles widely and leans his forehead against yours as you look up at him.

You hear a clicking noise, and you both look over to see Sam standing there, holding his phone.

"It's about time," he smiles.

"I thought I said no pictures," Dean tells him.

"Trust me," Sam says as he walks over to you two, "you'll thank me later." He smiles at you before pulling you into his arms. "Welome to the family, sis." You laugh at him and shake your head.

"She's been part of our family for a while," Dean says as he throws an arm around your shoulders. "It's just official now."

You open the box and let out a sigh of relief when you see that the ring's there where it should be. You close the box back and place it in your pocket before turning to run back outside. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey," Sam says when you walk back into the room. "I thought you were going home."

"I did," you reply. "I went to the bunker." Sam smiles a bit. "Can I... Can I have a minute?"

"Yeah," Sam replies as he stands up. "I'll be out in the hallway."

"Okay," you reply, watching Sam walk off until the door shuts behind him. You quickly pull the box out of your pocket and take the ring out, placing it in Dean's open palm and curling his fingers around it just like you did the night you gave the ring back to him.

"Listen up, Winchester," you say softly as you sit in the chair beside of Dean's bed, keeping your hands clasped over his. "You remember what you told me the night you gave this to me? We were already making plans. Talking about the wedding and our future. Dean, you promised me that you wouldn't leave me no matter what. Don't break that promise on me now.

"I need a chance to make everything right. I know you said you agreed with me, but I made a mistake when I left the bunker. I shouldn't have walked out. I told you I'd stay, and I didn't for my own selfish reasons. I know that things can't ever go back to normal. Not after what I did. I know I broke your trust, and there has to be a part of you that resents me for that. And I understand if you can't ever forgive me, but you have to wake up and at least give me a chance to properly apologize."

You squeeze Dean's hand a bit, waiting for a response, but you still don't get one. You sigh and lean back in your seat. You knew it was a long shot, but you had to try. You stand up and lean over to press a kiss to Dean's forehead.

"I love you." You pull back to gently run a hand through his hair. You're just about to go get Sam and tell him that he can come back in when you get a glimpse of green peeking out from beneath Dean's eyelids.

"Dean?" you say softly, trying not to get too excited. You watch for a moment until his eyelids begin to flutter again. "Sam!" you yell, causing him to come running back into the room. Go get the doctor," you tell him quickly. "Dean's waking up." Sam doesn't hesitate to rush off, and you turn your attention back to Dean.

"Dean, can you hear me?" He opens his eyes and looks right up at you before trying to open his mouth. "No, no," you tell him. "Don't try to talk, okay?"

"S-"

"Shh," you say as you shake your head. "Sam's going to come back in here with the doctor, and after he makes sure everything's okay, then you can talk all you want to, yeah?"

Dean doesn't listen. Instead, he grips your hand and smiles tiredly at you before saying one word with such a weak, raspy voice that you barely hear him.

"Sweetheart."

Tags: @lizwinchester16 @polina-93 @stoneyggirl @spnfamily-thewinchesters

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 12):

Favorite episodes in chronological order:

12:3 The Foundry - Mylings! Nuff said. And I knew it as soon as I heard the baby cry. And that makes me feel good about me.

12:4 American Nightmare - Stigmata. Dean dressed as a priest getting stuck looking at a boy lighting a candle in the church. Mr Mess: ”Dean! Time and place!” Sam wasting his sensemaking on a relentlessly angry Dean as usual, but then laying the hard truth on the crazy lady - is it hot in here?

12:5 The One You’ve Been Waiting For - Nazi dirtbags! Referencing one of the great episodes of season 8 too. Good. Good. And Allison Paige is friggin’ beautiful! Nauhaus is such a spoofy villain I think this is a comedy. ”Do you know what it’s like to have en nazi necromancer as a father?” ”He had a guy named Fritz try to kill me!” GOLD.

12:6 Celebrating the life of Asa Fox - badass-intro. And Jody. Hunter community! Canadian hunter community! Here for it. Bucky, or as I like to call him: demon nr 5 from early season.... single digits.

12:7 Rock never dies - Loving this glam-metal thing. Crowley in LA. And omg! Cass being snarky with Dean of all people. ”Atleast I don’t look like a lumberjack.” I laughed. And Mr Mess pointed out that Cass is tired, that that’s why he snapped, and it dawned on me that Cass is *choosing* to be kind under normal circumstances. My heart! ”I work for sexists, rasists, even politicians.” Lol. Loving the group dynamic of the four. But I’m a bit disappointed that Lucifer can’t chill, he could have had so much fun.

12:11 Regarding Dean - A goofy Dean episode. That’s rarely bad news. I like Rowena in this, she’s rly growing on me.

12:15 Somewhere between heaven and hell - Honesty’s the best policy, signed, Dean. Hear, hear! ”So, ten years ago did you rly want something? Like, a Hello Kitty backpack or the death of an enemy?” Lol! Dean and Crowley and Lucifer breaking free! Dean is a hoot this episode. Sam, killing the hellhound like a pro, and thanking Crowley. And Crowley kicking Lucifer’s ass. That’s the stuff. And Sam being honest with Dean and Dean being all reasonable about it! Loving it!

12:16 Ladies drink free - Claire! Nuff said. Loving everyone this episode, except Mick of course, but my homicidal thoughts at the sight of his beard have lessened. ”The experiment was on mice.” Werewolf-mice! XD

12:17 The british invasion - Eileen! God this show needs more women, the brothers are so much better dealing w them, which I guess is a problem on its own. ”Make your voice a mail.” Oh Cass. Eileen and Sam! My heart! Am I shipping this? God I hope not, it’ll mean instant death. God, Mick is an idiot, I mean, I’m obv digging his change of heart, but apparently he hasn’t learned a thing in the entire life he’s worked for his fucky organization.

12:18 The memory remains - Goodness. Loving this intro. Taxidermist sheriff. Man, sometimes I feel these quirky characters are wasted on the just-passing-through format. ”Hunting people! Killing them! The family business!” Lol.

Fail episodes in chronological order:

12:1 Keep Calm and Carry on - ”You’re bad at your job.” Sure, she has a point, but as generous as this british chick’s offer is, her pitch is somewhat lacking. A torture montage is the quickest way to wind up on the fail list. Also ”break his mind”? That’s what it’s like inside Sam’s head *all* the time.

12:2 Mamma Mia - A sexscene featuring Dean Forrester is the second quickest way to wind up on the fail list. You say his name is Sam Winchester? Nah. Nope. Not buying it. Listen, I know I talk a tall game about being a big Sam-fan, I just don’t ship him with a.n.y.o.n.e. So what the sexscene isn’t real!? I still had to see it with my own orbs of sight. ”Your job was to find american hunters and gain their trust.” I’m howling! Maybe *you’re* rly bad at your job, lady!

12:10 Lily Sunder has some regrets - uhm... using demon number 5 to play other randos throughout a 15 season show I’ll forgive them for but you can’t use the same distinct actor (Ian Tracey) to play two distinctly different characters (Lee/Ishim) and not acknowledge it, especially when they could easily explain it as Lee’s body being possessed by Ishim. It ruins the whole episode for me. Also, I’m rooting for the ”bad” guy.

12:14 The raid - The british men of letters are the worst, they are worthless recruiting agents, salesmen and got crappy intel; where the Winchesters go the rest of the american hunters will follow? Pretty sure the opposite is true: ”Oh shit, the Winchesters are joining ’em? Better stay as far away from that shit as possible!” Also Mary’s being more than a little silly and I’m surprised Sam didn’t give her some speech about how he used to aim for big things like killing the devil, closing the gates of hell, before learning to settle for more realistic goals, like, staying alive, keepin your brother alive, savoring the occasional win, y’know, for the sake of your mental health. Anyhoo; Sam’s reaction on finding out Mary gave the Colt to the british men of letters might have been enough put it on the fave list but there are just so many icky characters and so many shots of Mick’s ugly beard I can’t let it slide. Plus Sam winds up joining these assholes. Boooohhhh!

12:20 Twigs & twine & Tasha Banes - Jeez. Petition to have Dean always justify his icky feelings about something w the Star Wars classic ”i got a bad feeling about this.” It would save time and my sanity. Also I have issues w Mary not being reasonable and understanding the basics about the life she and the boys are leading - you’re in or out, but there’s no finishing it w/o finishing yourself. Is this season’s big bad trying to annoy me to death? And the other hunters? What is it with this show and any other fun or awesome characters? Sorry, can’t keep ’em on, it’s a density-thing.

12:21 There’s something about Mary - Booohh! First Eileen, my bae (did I call it or did I call it?) and then the entire episode is full of The Big Annoying. First episode I didn’t bother finishing. Screw this season.

12:23 All along the watchtower - honestly I don’t get the constant jokes about IKEAs manuals, they’re all pictures, you don’t even need to be able to read to read them. Crowley <3 Plz spare me this show’s take on child birth, really just any show, (how is it possible that it’s so frickin’ hard to get right??), but especially this show’s. And Crowley. And Cass. And Mary. Such an intense bummer.

Honorable mentions:

Crowley blowing up Rowena’s scammer! And Rowena’s reaction! ”That is the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me!” Covered in blood. Priceless.

Cass and his sass is on this season. He’s so done w everyone. The exasperation!

The hug at the end of 12:22.

Dishonorable mentions:

Dean and Sam making a deal to get out of jail, kinda unepic w a predictable outcome.

Mediocre mentions:

The entire episode Stuck in the middle (with you) - It’s a Reservoir Dogs reference right? And it works very well until you realize that, then you just start missing Tarantino’s poignant dialogue about tipping (not fucking!) your waitress. The return of the yelloweyed bloodline. Bound to happen with Mary back. Don’t care about that but I do care about Crowley being back and being awesome. The Dukes of Haphazard. That’s good, I’ve just been referring to them as the Two Stooges.

The episode Who we are - There are separate aspects of this I like: Dean and Sam blasting their way out of the bunker, Jody and Alex, Dean dreamwalking Mary back home. Ackles is a genius with this sort of thing. But it’s just so silly: The british men of letters are just so unepic, it ruins everything, wraps it in a mediocre blanket: They’re bad at their job, have inexplicable motivations, are such annoying stereotypes the only way this would be a win would’ve been if Sam’s speech went something along the lines of ”I’ve had this fly buzzin’ around my ear all year, I could use your help squashing it.” But at least, then they do.

Summing up:

I’m rly enjoying the warped relationships early in the season. Crowley and Cass. Rowena and Lucifer, Rowena and Crowley. Sam, Dean and Mary. But my usual creed about the gooey middles of seasons doesn’t hold true this time and I rly feel like it gets good only when it’s almost over. And honestly on whole the season is the worst so far. The british men of letters are so annoying and they’re everywhere, tainting everything. Ugh.

[an-abundance-of-castiels]

Best Left Forgotten

Part 18: Waiting

Series Summary: You wake up in the bunker with a serious head injury and no memory of the last year or the Winchesters and find that Dean is avoiding you. You are determined to find out the truth about what happened but maybe the truth is best left forgotten.

Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam, Cas

Warnings: language, Season 10 Spoilers

Word Count: 1594

General Disclaimer: I do not own the gif or any of the Supernatural properties or characters. This is a fan piece and is intended to be enjoyed only as such.

A/N: Oh wow guys! One year later and my first fic is finished… Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has read and shared and followed the story. An ENORMOUS thank you to @weirdochick56 for rough beta-ing and helping through an amazing year of this story. You are the best ;)

...I hope you like it.

Best Left Forgotten Masterlist

Missed Part 17?

**********

You blink your eyes open slowly and the first thing that registers is a horrible pain in your head. Your vision is blurry around the edges. You suddenly remember why you are here and you push through. You manage to make it to your feet in time to watch Sam lay down the photos and say something to Dean. You can tell immediately that your hearing isn’t right. All you hear is the high pitched ringing of complete silence. You hear Sam’s statement as a mumble passing through a tunnel. You are so dizzy but you have to save Dean. You remember it all now. The blood, the pain, the terror. That thing hurt you because you were a threat to it. None of it matters now because that was not Dean. But this man, standing in front of you, this still is. You can feel it deep in your very being. And you have to save his soul, because… It’s part of you. If he is lost, so are you.

You stumble down to the bar where those two boys, who you love more than anything, are about to make a horrible decision. You have to stop them, even if it kills you.

“Dean!” You call out as he raises the scythe up to… oh my god… Kill Sam.

Dean looks up at you suddenly and his eyes shift from a blank stare to recognition. He lowers the scythe as you stumble forward. You clutch your head as you fall over your own feet. Your vision blacks out and suddenly you have been scooped up, just before you hit the floor. After a moment, your vision comes back and you see Dean staring down at you.

“I knew you’d catch me.” You smile up at him through the pounding in your head.

“I thought you were gone, I thought I killed you… again, after all this time.” Dean closes his eyes, “This is why I have to go, why I have to let you and Sam go. I’m a monster.”

Every word pierces your chest a little bit more. “Dean, a monster would’ve let me fall and killed Sam. Killing Sam, me, the pieces of yourself that remind you who you are, your family? That will turn you into a monster. Don’t give up on yourself.” You know how important this part is. It takes all of your strength, but you reach up and kiss his cheek. “I forgive you. I love you.”

Dean’s face crumples at your words and he lets out a choked sob. You see pain, shame, and relief flood his face through the tears. He kisses your forehead and lets out a shaky breath.

The old man walks forward, past Sam. “Dean, if you can’t do it, I’ll do it for you.” Suddenly the scythe blade bursts out of his chest. The man looks down, stunned, and disintegrates into a pile of sand. He is gone within seconds and behind him stands a very surprised Sam holding the scythe. He seems almost frozen in place, mouth open, eyes wide.

“Are you okay?” Dean asks Sam, worriedly.

“Yeah. I think I just killed death.” Sam mutters back, “What about you?”

Dean looks back at you, terror in his eyes. You smile back at him through the pounding in your head. You feel the left side of your face go numb.

“Y/N?” Dean panics and lowers you to the floor. Sam runs over and cradles your head. He’s already dialing Cas, but you know that it is too late.

“Cas!? Help! It’s Y/N!” Sam begs. You pull the phone from his hand weekly and he lets you.

“I love you Cas. Thank you for everything,” You hang up the phone just as Cas tries to protest the resignation in your voice. “Sam, you’ll always be my best friend.” You stop for a moment to clutch Dean’s hand as a spasm of pain radiates from your head down your spine. It won’t be long now. You feel yourself relaxing into the pain as it turns to numbness. “Make sure Dean lives a long life, I can wait.” You turn to look at Dean for a long moment. You look into his eyes and see your Dean. Your protector. You smile and feel warmth and peace spread from your chest as you realize the truth in your next words, “I love you and I forgive you. You are not that monster. You are a hero. My hero. Every minute of my life that I spent with you was heaven on Earth. That’s all there is to say. This isn’t goodbye forever, it’s goodbye for now.”

Dean seems stunned with tears streaming down his face. He seems confused for a moment, unable to accept the finality of your words. He gazes down at you with eyes full of love and a plea. A plea for you to stay. A plea you wish so badly you had the power to give in to. “Y/N, there’s nothing but pain waiting for me. Monsters don’t go to heaven.” Dean looks down in shame. His face is twisted with sob.

With all of your remaining strength, you cup his head and lift his eyes to look into yours. “Dean, I k-”

You start to choke on blood and your words won’t come. Every breath burns as you breathe blood, unable to find air. Dean sits you up, desperately trying to help you breathe. The edges of your vision start to go black as you convulse in his arms, struggling to breathe.

 And the world fades to black.

 The last sounds you register are Dean screaming and Sam sobbing.

————————————

You open your eyes in the bunker, on the couch. You wait for the pain, the headache, the hole in your stomach… and they don’t come. Cas must’ve healed you. Relief is the first real thing you feel. You hop up and start looking for the boys. There’s something very important you need to tell Dean. He needs to understand that you aren’t going anywhere. They’re nowhere to be found and Dean’s door is locked. Odd. You reach into your pocket for your phone… It’s not there. Worry begins to creep in when Castiel walks through the door.

“Cas!” You run and hug him, “Where are the boys? Did Dean get the mark off?” You smile at Cas.

“Y/N,” Cas looks at you carefully. “You’re in heaven. I came to make sure you were okay.”

You’re quiet for a moment as you remember the last few moments of your life. You made this choice. The choking and the blood. You steady yourself and take a deep breath. “I’m fine. Is Dean… I mean… the mark? And Sam?”

“Sam and Dean are fine. The mark is gone but it released the darkness.” Cas sighs, “We have to deal with that next, I suppose.”

“Good,” you smile, knowing that Sam and Dean are right where they should be: on another quest to save the world, “Tell the boys I love them and I believe in them. And tell Dean I will wait patiently.”

“They love you, Y/N. We all do. We miss you. We gave you a hunter’s funeral.” Cas looks down.

You pull his face up to look you in the eye, “Thank you for everything Cas. You gave me more time than I ever would have had before I met you. This is not your fault. I love you.” You feel warm and safe here. This is perfect.

Cas, feeling your happiness, smiles. “Goodbye for now, Y/N.”

You watch him leave and your smile drops the tiniest amount as you feel the familiar ache in the center of your chest. Almost perfect.

————————————

30 years later

You sit patiently in the living room watching one of Dean’s favorite Kung Fu movies for the 100,000th time. Your chest aches every moment you spend watching them, but they remind you that he is coming back. The door to the bunker, which has remained closed for almost 25 years, creeps open. You hop off of the couch and tense up with your angel blade, preparing for a fight or for another angel coming to ruin your happiness to get back at the boys. You aren’t afraid, only determined to kick ass. You tense up, preparing for a fight as the door creaks open and a shadowy figure steps into the shadows.

An elderly man with familiar green eyes steps into the light.

You drop your blade and feel your chest light on fire. A burning yearning for his touch. You can’t help the joy that spreads across your entire being.

He is an old man with grey streaks in his hair and deep wrinkles under his eyes. His face lights up when he sees you. You watch as he races down the stairs and by the time he reaches the bottom, he is the Dean you remember with dark hair and emerald green eyes. He holds his arms out and you run to him and jump into his arms. The moment you touch, You take his face in both of your hands and kiss him deeply. He carries you over to the couch and falls onto his back. You both lay there and you bury your face into the crook of his arm, stretching out on top of him. You smell the familiar scent of musky pine, flannel, and whiskey. You breathe it in, inhaling it like you will never smell it again.

You feel whole.

It’s finally perfect.

“I’ve been waiting,” you murmur.

The End

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