#they really deserve I won’t ever shut up about this project till we have more news

[themonsternextdoor]

I need this. I don’t care about anything else but this show, they DESERVE a show as leads and as a main couple.

[donutloverxo]

Vanilla

Kinktober day 21 - Vanilla

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

Note - @stargazingfangirl18 asked for soft ransom! Thanks @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and @whateveriwant for their advice! Also for @finleyjayne 's rainbow writing challenge with the prompt 'white lie'. Hope y'all like it💖

Dividers by @whimsicalrogers

Summary - When you find out Ransom's been lying, you can't help but assume the worst.

Warnings - 18+ only please!, smut (m/f), ooc Ransom.

Pairing - Ransom Drysdale x reader

Word count - 2k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

You sighed as a tear rolled down your cheek, looking at an old photo strip of you and Ransom. You had taken it in a photo booth at the fall fair, he was reluctant, calling them dumb and cheesy but he gave in when you gave him your puppy eyes.

He looked stoic in the first two, with you perched up on his lap, your arms around his neck but then he was laughing boisterously because you started tickling you. The last one was of him biting your neck as revenge.

Happy times. But they seem to be taunting you now.

Your family, even your friends, weren’t huge fans of Ransom. Your mother was actually scared he’d hit you or hurt you. But they didn’t know him like you did.

He was never cruel to you. Not even when he didn’t know you and had nothing to gain from being nice to you. Surprisingly, he was quite the gentlemen, holding the door for you, paying for your meals, even waiting for over a month before making love - you knew then you could never let go of him, no one would ever give it to you like him.

He did tend to be a bit judgmental and cynical, entitled and maybe a bit spoilt. But you accepted that as a part of him, encouraging him to work on himself. Sure, he’ll never be everyone's cup of tea, but he’d always be yours.

Or so you thought.

Dealing with Ransom required some finesse and patience that you were willing to put up because it was worth it. But you’d never put up with lies, or worse... that’s not who you were.

Ransom had told you he was going to meet up with his published to talk about his new project. Your gut told you that something was wrong. When he was late you took it upon yourself to call the publishing house only to find out he didn’t have a meeting today at all.

He didn’t have one that Sunday either, where he was for over four hours you didn’t know.

You let out a humorless chuckle at your own naiveté - who the fuck has a meeting on the weekend anyway?

You only saw what your heart wanted to show you. Maybe, he never loved you. Maybe everything you both shared for the past two years was a lie - an act.

You yelped a bit when you heard the door being slammed shut, putting the photo down you quickly composed yourself.

“Hey, babe,” he greeted you, kissing the top of your head before scavenging for a beer in your fridge.

“Hey,” your voice hoarse and croaky, you cleared your throat, “how was your meeting?” you spat. Unable to keep the contempt from your voice.

“So and so. They don’t know shit,” he twisted the cap off before he taking a long drag of it.

You gulped when you looked at his pale throat bobbing and swallowing the liquid down. He took his coat off, throwing it over the counter.

You watched his muscles flex under his tight sweater, his curious eyes watching you, your traitorous body still found him attractive. Which he was, objectively so, some might even argue that he was out of your league and not the other way around.

“Like what you see, doll?” he smirked, catching you staring at him. He stood before you, holding onto your hips.

You blinked, pushing him away and putting some distance between you, “I want to know more about the meeting.” you insisted.

“What the hell are you going on about?” He ran a hand through his perfectly groomed hair - messing it up. You knew it was a nervous tick of his.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about! You weren’t at any meeting were you? You were probably with some bitch,” you yelled, jabbing him in his chest with your finger, “No,” you laughed, “Wasn’t her fault. She’s not the one cheating. I should’ve known better.” you shook your head, “Everybody warned me.”

He had the audacity to roll his eyes, “God, you women - ”

“Shut the fuck up, Ransom. Now is not the time for your boring jokes. Where were you?”

“Why would you jump to the worse conclusion?!” he yelled back, his face turning red and a couple of veins popping on his forehead. “Do I not get benefit the doubt? Don’t you trust me?”

He walked towards you, making you take a few steps back until you hit the counter, tall and imposing above you. His jaw clenched shut as he stared you down.

You gulped, “I did trust you. But what explanation could you possibly have? You lied, didn’t you? Where were you?”

You watched him as he dug through his discarded coat, taking out a box and handing it to you. You knew what it was as soon as you saw it, the familiar burgundy color with the words ‘cartier’ written on top in golden cursive.

“I’m sorry,” you choked, your heart clenched in guilt. You accused him of the worst when he was just out getting you jewellery. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry.”

“Bit to late to be sorry when you already said your part.” he gritted.

“Sorry,” you gave him a nervous smile, “I really don’t deserve this, I don’t know what to say...”

“I was with Meg, since she’s the only girl I know, who’d be of any use. She just gave a lecture about how buying diamonds is so unethical or something, I don’t know I tuned out,” he shuddered at just the thought of it, “So, it’s not final. We can exchange it if you don’t like it,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

You frowned, “Why would I need to exchange it? I’m sure it’s very pretty,” you opened the box and gasped, your jaw dropping, “Ransom... this is...” the most beautiful diamond ring you’ve ever seen. “Wait a minute, does that mean..”

“Yep,” he snatched it away from you, taking the ring out of it and then sliding it on your ring finger, “I was going to go the whole nine yards. Get down on a knee, act like a fucking Disney Prince but you don’t get that now,” he smirked, the diamond looking so pretty on your hand. “You’re stuck with me, forever.”

“Well, I’m sad that I missed out on a proper proposal but I suppose I deserve it. It really is so pretty,” you beamed at the ring.

“Don’t you dare take it off.” He held onto your hand possessively. Glad to have some sort of claim on you now that would let any unworthy asshole know that you’re taken.

You giggled, placing a quick smooch on his lips, “I won’t. I’ll protect it with my life,” holding the hand close to your heart. “I’m still so sorry. I should’ve known better.”

“That’s right, you should’ve.” he grumbled

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. He’d have no problem assuming the worst if the roles were reversed. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” Jutting your lower lip out and looking at him with your big doe eyes.

Pulling you by your waist and holding you tightly against him, “I can think of a couple of things, pumpkin.”

He captured your lips in a salacious kiss that was all teeth and tongue, running his thumb over the diamond.

***

“Look so pretty with your mouth stuffed, pumpkin,” he praised, choking on a moan, pushing your hot, eager mouth further down on his length.

You let out a muffled whimper, relaxing your throat so you could take all of him. Which was quite a task but you powered through, swallowing him down until your nose touched the brown patch of hair above his length.

He let out a loud, primal moan, holding onto your head and trying his best not to bust his load too soon. He pulled you off of him, getting off of the mattress, putting his hands below your arms and hauling you up and pushing you down on it. It was always fun to manhandle you like that, what with you being so small and plaint. Always ready to serve him and let him have his way with you.

You blinked up at him with unsure eyes, almost wanting to cover yourself from his predatory gaze. “St - stop looking at me like that.”

He chuckled, “You’re mine now. I’ll look at you however I like.”

He knelt on the floor, pulling you till you were on the edge of the bed, nudging your intimate lips apart with his nose. He took a long breath in, your unique scent never failed to make him hot.

Placing a flurry of kisses up and down your inner thighs, giving your a nick and a bite here and there till you were going crazy with need. Need to have his mouth on you.

“Please, Ransom,” you sniffled exaggeratedly, “Just want your mouth on me.”

“You’ve got no patience, doll.” Which was rich, coming from him.

He shook his head, teasing your entrance with his tongue. Before finally, wrapping his mouth around your bundle of nerves, sucking at it leisurely.

You pulled at his hair, pushing him closer to your heat because you needed more.

He took the hint, plunging two fingers inside you, pumping them in and out till he felt you clamping down on them. He pulled right away when he felt you getting too close to your climax.

No, he needed to look at your face as you fell apart with him.

Ignoring your whines and curses he hovered above you, pushing his tip against your entrance, coating it with your juices.

You were out of it, barely there with him, your hands loosely holding onto his broad shoulders, “I love you,” you murmured and then yelped, your eyes scrunched shut as he thursted his entire length inside you. Your nails digging into his biceps and drawing blood.

There was that delicious familiar ache at first, but you willed yourself to ride through it. It’ll feel good in no time. Except.... he didn’t move.

You opened your eyes and looked up at him to see him staring at you. You called out his name, caressing his cheek.

“Say it again,” he panted.

“Say what?” you yelped again as he lifted your hips up, his tip brushing against your spongy spot, “Oh.. uh... I love you.” you repeated.

He stayed still for a moment or longer. Still not used to hearing those words, especially said so sincerely by you. They often caught him off guard and overwhelmed him.

His hips bucked into yours as he started thrusting into you properly, his fingers digging into your hips.

You pulled him down and pressed your lips to his, swirling your tongue against his, spilling your moans in his mouths, only pulling away when you could barely breath. He did have a way of always leaving you breathless.

Propping himself on his elbows, he watched you writhe under him, your face scrunching up in untethered pleasure as you kept asking him for more. It's where you belonged, wrapped up around him. And your cavern was his rightful place, especially now that you'll be married.

“You’ve always been a, tight little thing. Squeezing the shit outta me,” he grunted as you pulsed and fluttered around him your body seized up and fell back.

He kept driving his hips into you, riding out your orgasm till ropes of his seed coated your walls, he didn’t let up till he was sure he gave you every last drop of him.

He collapsed on top of you, nipping at the shell of your ear, “Again,” he pleaded, his voice wavering with his cock softening inside you.

“I love you, baby, more than you’ll ever know,” you said, cradling his head close to you.

He hummed, pulling himself out of you, laying beside you, he admired your ring as you struggled to stay away, your eyes already dozing off.

He was proud to have bought it with his own hard earned money with the book you inspired him to write, it was sort of poetic in a way. But you didn’t need to know that or you’d accuse him of going soft for you - which to be fair he was. As his mother always says every marriage has its secrets.

Tags will be in the reblog!

Comments and reblogs are really appreciated! ❤❤

[aster-aspera]

Fall Apart

Relationship: (platonic) analogince

Warnings: transphobia, misgendering, deadnaming, shitty parents

It’s time for me to project onto my favourite characters again :)

If you liked it please reblog <3

“Oh yeah, my son’s doing great in school.”

Logan stabbed their pencil into the paper.

“He’s applying to the cern program, we’re all really hoping he gets in.”

Logan grit their teeth.

“Yeah, I’ll tell him, you have a good day,” their mom said cheerfully into the phone. “Henry!” she called and Logan snapped the tip of their pencil.

“It’s Logan,” they hissed, “And my pronouns are they/them.”

Their mom stood in the door opening, looking surprised and annoyed. “Yes sweetheart, of course,” she said placatingly and Logan felt something poisonous curl up in their gut. 

“Then why do you continue to misgender me?” they asked, trying to keep their boiling fury out of their tone. 

“Misgender? Henry, that’s a bit extreme.”

“Logan.”

“Whatever. It’s just confusing for everyone sweetie, and I just don’t see why it matters that much. I mean, you were fine being a boy before.”

Her sickly sweet tone made Logan feel like they were choking, the cloying feeling of her fake understanding making their skin crawl.

They bit back the tears gathering behind their eyes, hand clenching tightly around their pencil. “You don’t have to get it to respect me.”

“I do respect you,” their mother said, her sweet tone sharpening, turning more dangerous. On normal nights, this is where Logan would scrabble back. Would force out a false smile and listen to their mother misgender them again and again and again. When they weren’t in the mood for another fight that shook the very foundations of the house. That left the entire family awkwardly ghosting around each other, scared to even look Logan in the eye in case it set off another fight.

But this night, Logan was tired. Tired of always avoiding the storm they knew was brewing on the horizon. Tired of squaring their shoulders and smiling as their mother praised her non-existent son.

“No,” they growled, “No you don’t respect me. You don’t respect me when you ignore me correcting my pronouns, when you continue to ignore them, when you tell me I’m being stupid when I tell you about my dysphoria. And I’m so fucking tired of it!”

Their mother’s mouth pressed into a thin line. “Henry, that’s enough, I will not have you yelling at me.”

“No! I’m tired of not being taken seriously, of hating myself and feeling like shit and being told I’m making it up! I just want you to respect me, I just want you to love me, but you love a version of me you made up in your head. Henry doesn’t exist, and I don’t ever want to hear that name again.”

“You’re being ridiculous, it’s just selfish of you to expect people to follow along in whatever fancy you have in your head again. I really am trying to respect your gender or whatever you claim to be but you can’t expect me to get everything right, and I won’t have you taking such a tone with me.”

Logan stood up. They knew how this conversation would go. They knew the same words would be spat back at them over and over again till they felt like it would be easier to just go back to the way things were. Till it made them feel like this fight wasn’t really worth it. 

They grabbed their phone from the desk and walked past their mother. “Henry? Where are you going?” she asked.

“Virgil’s,” they said shortly, before slamming the door shut behind them. 

The ice cold night air seemed to cut off the air to their lungs, leaving them breathless, standing alone in the empty street. They forced themself to inhale, the air cutting into their chest, sharp and biting. 

They released it, a shaky, warm exhale, their hands clenching into fists by their side. They forced themself to start walking, because as much as they wanted to get away from that house, their feet didn’t seem to want to take them forward. 

Somehow, they found themself standing on Virgil’s front porch, the light rain that had started falling sometime during their walk misting in their hair.

Virgil opened the door, expression going straight to concern when he saw Logan there.

“Lo? Are you alright?” he asked, so frustratingly gentle.

“Can I come in?” was all Logan could ask, scared that if they acknowledged the concern, they would fall apart right there on the doorstep.

“Yeah sure,” Virgil said, confusion and concern written so clearly in his voice. He led them into his room, and Roman looked up from where he was hanging upside down from the bed. He righted himself quickly. 

“Calculator watch? What the hell happened?” he asked immediately and Logan wondered how bad they must have looked that even Roman immediately noticed something was off.

“I…” A traitorous hitch of their chest cut Logan off. “I had a fight with my mom,” they tried again, and their voice sounded like something had choked all the life out of it.

“She just… She keeps calling me her son, and she says I’m selfish, for…for wanting people to use the right pronouns and fuck…” Logan trailed off, pressing their hand to their mouth to stifle the sobs tearing themselves from their chest at their own volition.

“L.” Strong, warm arms wrapped around their middle.

“You’re not selfish specs,” another gentle voice chimed in, and they were guided onto the bed, pulled down onto a soft chest. The hands rubbed along their back, tracing circles over the fabric of their shirt.

Virgil settled down onto the bed beside the both of them and Roman wrapped his arms protectively around Logan as they curled up against his chest, pressing their face into the comforting safety of their friend. 

“She’s wrong, L,” Virgil said in that gentle voice of his, the one he only used around his closest friends, “She’s so wrong for misgendering you and calling you selfish. You deserve better than that, you deserve people who love and respect you.”

“You guys do,” Logan mumbled, tears subsiding just a bit.

“They should too,” Virgil hissed venomously.

“That’s not helping right now V,” Roman whispered back, before turning his attention once again to Logan. “We love you, so much. And using the right pronouns for you, it isn’t hard, so you’re not selfish to ask that of people. You’re not selfish to want to be happy.”

Logan finally unclenched their death grip on Roman’s shirt, lifting their head just slightly to look at him.

“I love you too,” they whispered, not yet trusting their voice not to betray them. Their eyes flickered over to Virgil, who gave them his softest smile before pressing a kiss to their hand; “You can stay here as long as you like,” he promised and Logan closed their eyes, safe in the embrace of their friends.

[danaduchy]

NPCs about Seeds

Full script of Far Cry 5 (except cutscenes)

* What were those Seed brothers like? Can't imagine there's anything like a healthy sibling rivalry going on there. * John's the baby of the Seed family. His brothers turn a blind eye to his more sadistic indulgences. * Joseph and John show why it's hard to have a family business. Money and blood mix weird. Even when you're not tryin' to be a messiah.   * When you escaped the bunker... John didn't say it... but you could see it in his face. Failure. Things got worse from there... Like he was trying to make up for something. Prove to his brother he could... * Kim and I used to throw these weekend BBs. Open invite. All you had to do was bring something. If you can believe it, the whole Seed family came once. They brang watery mac and cheese. I shoulda knew they were monsters when they did that. * John's on edge 'cause his brother-Father is getting' cranky. What a fucked up sibling relationship those two got. * Maybe John will go crying to his "father". I wanna see Joseph give John a spanking. * Joseph's pissed the hell off. I hear John's sweating like a piggy. * Word's out - Joseph's had it with John. That little punk is backed into a corner now. * Good thing for us John and Jacob haven't sorted out their brotherly nonsense. I mean if we're lucky, they'll just take each other down. If not, well, I'm going to keep some grenades around with John's name on 'em, eh? It's comin' to a head man.     * Says somethin' that Joseph didn't save his brother. Family really doesn't mean shit to these people. * Wonder what Daddy Seed is feelin' right now. Oh. Shit. What if he WANTED John dead? Fuck man, I can't think about the big game. We did it here. We kicked ass. That's gotta matter. Okay that’s what I'm telling myself.  Yeah, that’s it. * I'm just sayin': If I was Joseph and I had the ability to see into future occurrences, I woulda warned my boy John that he was gon' get murdered... and made some good bets. * I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Joseph tries to spin John's death to his own advantage. * John Seed never had the Father's full confidence, what I heard. But the Joseph loves little sister Faith, and gave her everything her twisted heart desired. * Jacob always tried to look out for his little brother. Imagine what he's gonna do when he finds out you killed him.

* John was always the runt of the Seed family. I'm not surprised that you were able to get him. But I gotta warn you, Jacob's a whole lot meaner than his little brother. * Joseph adopted Faith into their family. She's going to be madder'n a wet hen that you killed her brother John. * John liked to throw his weight around, tryin' to prove how strong he was. Jacob knows he's strong. His actions are more controlled, and he's a lot scarier for it. John was always super emotional, but Jacob's buttons won't be so easy to push. * All this could have been avoided if only a mid-level cable channel gave the Seed family the reality show they deserved. * You know, if any of these Seeds ran for office, they'd win in a landslide. Mind control charisma just oozes off of them. * Come to think of it, the Seeds work just like a political office. You got Joseph, the mayor, and John, Jacob and Faith as his city councilors. It's no wonder they forced me and my people out of office - they already knew how to play the game! * Each of the Seeds has their own bunker. They call them “Gates”. * Know how I sniffed out Eden's Gate's bullshit early on?  Only the Seeds were allowed to be angry, everybody else had to be calm--even though we all had our asses in that church because we were mad at the same shit too. But now everybody gets to be angry, 'cause it's a weapon pointin' where the Seeds want it. Protect the project. Transparent motherfuckers.

John

Resistance

* John's always been obsessed with the people in Fall's End. And with Mary May in particular. * Deep down, I think John wants to die. That man has scars that run deep. * John's got a particular ritual he sticks to. You get marked with a video, then you get dunked in the water. When John wants you found, he doesn't stop. Ever. * Nowadays, if you're caught huntin’, John Seed'll have ya' killed. * John's got people getting baptized all across the valley. In rivers, creeks, hell, even in puddles. * John scrawls a fucking tattoo on your chest, then flays you the fuck alive. He nails it to a wall. * If the peggies wanted a heap of food, why didn't they drive a ways to the wholesale club and take that over? Everythin' would be canned and ready for them instead of still in the ground. You can tell John Seed never had to raise a kid.   * The cult takes people and then sorts out where they go. Whoever John doesn't keep, he sends to Jacob. Or Faith. * John really puts the dick in dictator. The fucker just loves calling and leaving answering machine messages, too. * John's always wearing a key around his neck. He calls it the key to paradise. I don't wanna know what it unlocks. * I'm pretty sure the family that used to own this farm is long gone. John Seed made an offer. They refused. That's that. * This fertilizer company was bought by John Seed a long time ago. They ran it as a legit business. * This one guy, Les Doverspike. House is northwest. He thought he could prepare for everything... Din't count on... JOHN SEED'S LAWYERING SUPER POWERS! In the blink of an eye, Eden's Gate owned Les' land, bunker, arm, leg, dingleberries, ....EVERYTHING! * I've heard some pretty brutal stories about what happens when John wants you to confess. * The peggies had to have planned all this way ahead of time - they're harvestin' at record speed. I guess they had little meetings... John probably hunkered over his map gettin' a hard-on for the sound of his own voice. Hm... now there's a thought... * The thing that always bugs me about John Seed is, who goes to a lawyer that’s tatted up more than a gangbanger? * You're attractin' a lot of attention, especially from John Seed. John's paying special attention to you. * John wants you real bad. Have you considered maybe he's in some kinda love with you? He oughta killed you like two or three times already but he's playin' cat and mouse. Just sayin', if you find yourself alone with him maybe a good long somethin-or-other could save our necks. * Man, that John, he sure does have a hard on for you. So I'm thinking, you guys should probably just fuck and uh get it over with. * I bet you John gives the best spankin's. Sorry I know that's messed up. What can I say, he brings it outta me. I'm just sayin' maybe we don't kill John is all. Seems a waste of a perfectly good set of buns. * Before you, John never lost his cool. You're driving John literally crazy. * I drank with Joey Hudson back in the day. She doesn't take shit from anyone. John's gonna eat her alive. * I know how these things go, man. Deputy, you better keep skeleton keys and wire cutters and a swiss army knife and anythin' that'll get you outta a hogtie on you at all times, because John is gonna truss you up like a dinner turkey real soon. * Always thought there was somethin' kinda twisted about John. * John the Baptist is an amoral predator, end of story. * John Seed's not gettin' what he wants, so he's pitchin' a fit. * Keep an ear out for John's fucken' plane. He loves buzzin' around in that hunk of shit. * I've known men like John Seed before. Real charismatic. They'll sell ya poison and convince ya it's a health tonic. He'd fit in real nice in Washington... * I had one conversation with John Seed and I knew! I knew... He masks his words as guidance, but deep down there is a selfishness that could only come from pure evil. * John Seed's a piece of shit. When news spread that I was expecting, that scumbag spread rumors that HE was the biological father of my baby. I don't know if he was trying to create a wedge between me and Nick or if he was just doing it to laugh at us. * I hear John Seed was a lawyer or something. Used the rules to buy up stuff in the Holland Valley. The cult must have been running damage control already, because think of what a story that'd make. Unless we're already all tapped out of giving a fuck about the shitty economy and its parasites. Huh. Yeah. He's same old, actually. Same fucking old. * I remember the first time John Seed set foot in this bar. I'm wiping down counters and Ma's countin' the till when I hear her bark, 'What the fuck do you want?' I look up and he's standin' in the doorway. Eyein' me like I'm a meal. Some people 'round here said give the Seed's a chance. I knew they were bad news from the start. * Eden's Gate took this town right from under us. They started buying up all the land, forcing business to shut down and foreclosing on homes.... My parents and me fought back, but John wanted this bar. Told 'em he'd have to pry it from our cold dead hands. So, the cult paid off the county and made it illegal to transport alcohol. We fought back with lawyers, but those leeches bled us dry, too. * Whenever there's a neighbor in need, everybody around here pitches in. A couple days after we told some people I was pregnant, we got all this secondhand baby shit from everybody. John Seed stole all of it the next day. * Heard Pastor Jerome had you saving people from being kidnapped. John Seed did that to me. The fucker made me think he was going to torture me, too. Had me wait in a room for half a day thinking he was going to do it. All that fucker did was give me one of those ink jobs. It was messed up. * John Seed is just a man. He seeks glory and riches. He immersed himself in a sea of self-aggrandizement. He pounds pulpits. He professes principals he neither believes nor practices. He stokes fear. But he is just a man. * Before you came along, John Seed kidnapped me. He has his way of getting a person to say things. It's not about my words. It's about what's in his head. When he was done, I was beaten, toed in the woods, and left to die. * A long time ago, in peaceful times, I asked John Seed what was driving him. He gave me so many answers. All of them lies. * John Seed is a cruel soul who can't be reasoned with. He enjoys making people suffer. * John and the Peggies are taking everything and everyone that ain't nailed down. Even then they just come with crowbars. * After you're marked for baptism and dunked in the fucking river, John drags you to his bunker. God save us from whatever he does in there. * There must be a reason John almost drowns people in the baptisms. It's a power play but there's more to it. * If John really wanted to, he could wipe Fall's End off the map. He's toying with the people there, like a sadistic cat. * John's got a singular mind. Dug up from a serial killer's grave, but still, singular. * There's something really wrong with John. I don't have a name for it but you can see it in that creepy smile of his. * When I first saw him on the cult's videos, John seemed pretty harmless. But when I met him in person, he made the hairs on my neck stand up. * John bought up all the businesses 'round here and promised us jobs but the only people who got work were cultists. * When John asks you for somethin', he's not really askin'. He'll get what he wants from you one way or another. * John wants us all to say yes, but I think he actually really likes it when they say no. Gives him an excuse to get mean. * Anyone who doesn't confess to John gets killed and put on display as a warning to others. It's inhuman. * John doesn't just mark people with a sin, but their houses too. You can see his calling cards all over the valley. * I got a package from John Seed the other day. // What was inside it? // A note that said I was favored and that if I admitted to my sin, I'd be cleansed. * What does John Seed do exactly...? // He messes with your head. Asks you questions. Makes you say shit you don't want to be saying. I... I really don't want to talk about it. * John was right, we all do have one sin that tends to run our life. In a weird way maybe he did give us a second chance. * My old house was a piece of shit. It would creak at night, so bad I thought for sure some boogie man was coming to get me every night growing up. // Heh, aw, that's cute. // Yeah. John gutted and burned it to a crisp last week. * Okay, I need to lighten the mood. This is unbearable. // Oh Lord. // John Seed is so uptight, he takes a ruler to bed to see how long he sleeps. // I'm not in the mood. // John Seed is so uptight, he fell down a coal shaft and found a diamond in his ass a week later. // Okay that's pretty good. * You seen that John guy? Most aggressive grin I ever seen on a human being. Like a chimpanzee before it bites ya. // God what a creep. // I hate to think what kinda life he's come from. // Who gives a shit? He's evil. // What makes a guy that evil though? // It doesn't matter. There are loads of people out there with troubled pasts but they manage not to run an apocalypse murder cult. * Not like John was the peak of sanity before, but he's going straight up coo-coo bananas with all you're doin'. * Sounds like Broseph's mad! Ouuuu, family probs! John's like that little brother who gets held down and farted on, and then curls into a ball and cries. * One thing about John -- the more you ruffle his feathers, the angrier he gets. He can't deal with embarrassment; being made to look bad. He'll start sending out search parties to grab people like us, so we gotta stay frosty. * John's lustin' for a dogfight with you, huh. I bet that kid jerked it to Top Gun or something and now it's the only way he can get a stiffie, is in a dogfight. If you have to kick the bucket I hope that's one of your last thoughts, its a good one. * John's playin' a strange game with you. Dunno what's worse, that sometimes he seems to want you dead, or sometimes he seems to want you alive. * John's no better than his brother's dog, and we all know what needs doin' to a mad dog. * John's huntin' you like an animal.  He catches you, you're probably gonna join his other trophies on his wall. * Hey dep, I just wanna say I'm sorry, I heard John's got a partner of yours It's gotta be scary, you know. Probably heard about how John cuts people up and knows all these pressure points and can make you feel pain beyond anything you ever imagined. Anyways don't think about that. I'm sure... I'm sure she's fine. She'll be alright. * Was John dead behind the eyes when you met him? It's not my imagination, there's no soul back there. * I heard there's no spare key for the bunker prison. Just one for John. Control freak. * John Seed, what a fuckin' self-absorbed dick, huh? You just KNOW he jerks off in the mirror, and marvels at his fuckin' facial expressions. * That's John Seed's Ranch. I heard he loved hiding in that castle of his. * John had this place built just for him. Even got a hangar for his fucken' planes. * Look at this place. John's got the worst case of younger sibling syndrome I ever seen. * John's such a neat freak, it's inhuman. * Ugh. John Seed's temple to himself. Fucker's got a tennis court. I ain't never seen anybody play. Just another way he's a hypocrite. * I know everyone's got a bunker out here, but John's is ridiculous. * John's taste in home decor is... awful. * John's been stealin' the planes from all over the Valley. He keeps the best ones at the airstrip next to his ranch. * Of all the Seeds, I think I understood John the least. Inferiority complex, maybe? But he was a lawyer, he could have gone out and, I don't know, been a Wall Street megalomaniac. I guess economic murder isn't as satisfying as direct murder. * John made tattoos look real bad man, I'm glad he's six feet under. You gotta respect the ink. He didn't even learn a proper letterin' or font techniques or nothing, man. No way I'd have even trusted him to touch up my tramp stamp. * With John gone, Jacob will have a harder time building up his army. But he's already got a strong force at the ready.

Peggies

* John Seed's a funny guy. But not 'ha-ha' funny. * Dang, John's bunker is so luxurious. There's parts of this bunker that only John can access. * Deputy Hudson is one of John's "special projects". Every time John leaves here, he's got a big smile on his face. * John's got the only key to the deeper parts of the bunker. We really oughtta make a copy of John's key. What if he loses it? * John knows the human heart. He's been through a lot. It's why I trust him. * I wonder if John's place will survive the Collapse? * I could get in trouble for saying this, but it smells funny in John's house. * Haven't seen John here in a long time. He's super busy. * I knew John loved planes, but I didn't know he also loved boats. I bet John's boat costs more than my old house. * I've never seen Brother John on a boat, but I know he likes to get wet. * You think John fishes? * We need to keep this place tidy. You know how John gets with his baptisms. * Bet we're guardin' John's unreleased films. * I hope Brother John takes me for a plane ride someday. * John keeps all of his favorite things stashed in the hangar. * John wants the word Yes plastered all over this place. Gotta attract new brothers and sisters. * Taking this scrap metal is good forward thinking. John's left nothing to chance. He's a smart man. * Bet John'll be a king after the collapse. * If you're marked, John believes you can be saved. I didn't want to admit my sin at first, but John showed me how to accept it gracefully. * Feels weird turning those people into Angels. I mean, they worked in the store here with us. They cooperated. // Sure, they cooperated. But they were still sinners. There's no going back at a certain point, you know? John said that this was the only way to save them. * I know it's John's will, but...I don't like killing dogs. * John's made catchin' that deputy our top priority. Wonder why John wants the deputy alive. * That deputy's fixin' to get taken into John's special room. * John's relentless, that deputy don't stand a chance. * John's gettin' awful mad. I pity anyone who has to deal with him face to face. * I don't know what's goin' on in John's head, but it's embarrassing. * I thought John had control of things, but lately it feels like he's got no idea what he's doin'. * John's got that look in his eye, I almost feel bad for the people of Fall's End. * John will make everyone atone, even if it kills him. * John was right, they never saw us comin'. * John's so smart. Burnin' what we can't take, so people know they need us, spirit and body. * Last I heard from John, he was real angry. Never knew he had that amount of righteous wrath in him. * Pray you never see John lose his cool. // He never does. // He has though. Some sinner a while back had words with 'im. I couldn't hear exactly, but I heard 'em say the Father's name - I never seen John go so red so fast. // What'd he do? // Well he gets in his plane and wipes the sinner's property off the goddamned map. He rains fire on'em. They're scurryin' everywhere, screamin'. Like a magnifying glass on an anthill. * The Seeds lost a good brother in John. * Maybe John wasn't part of the plan? Maybe this is still what the voice told Joseph? * John's faith wavered, but mine's never been stronger. * I'll miss John's pep talks. * John did so much for the project. He can never be replaced. * John proved his devotion in blood. How can we do any less? * John was always larger than life, it felt like he was immortal.

Joseph

Resistance

* Joseph doesn't like it when his family goes off-book. * I know this is an unpopular opinion, but what if Joseph's right about the end of the world? * That's the first place Joseph ever built. Back when they pretended to be good. Joseph used to preach here. We could have saved us some trouble if we had just set fire to it years ago. * Joseph Seed and his whole family are like the politicians who ran this country into the ground. They sell ya hope and change and all these people buy into it thinking it's gonna be different this time. It ain't. Might as well be buyin' magic beans. * These people in Eden's Gate have been led astray. Joseph Seed claims he loves everyone. Wants them to know the truth.  The truth is he preaches vengeance and sows lies. But the words of an evil man ring louder in the minds of the weak... * You know what really gets me? Cult leaders are usually always in it for the money. Just like a pyramid scheme. Joseph ain't like that. I keep tryin' to break this guy down into what he wants from people. If it ain't money, and it ain't sex, what the hell is it? * Joseph's a charismatic son of a bitch. I mean, you've heard him. The pitch. The tempo. The way the words roll off his gentle lips. His mannerisms. I mean he's been speech trained, probably more than any politician I've ever seen. That's how you know he's a government guy. * I know the people of this valley. They're good, hard workin' people. But in bad times, people get scared, start lookin' for someone to blame. Joseph Seed fed on that fear. Told folk the end of the world was coming. Lot of 'em believed him. Truth be told... way things are now? I sometimes wonder if he's right. Folks felt abandoned, grew weary, they needed our help. And we didn't listen, but Joseph Seed did. Joseph Seed wooed people. He told them EXACTLY what they wanted to hear. With those falsehoods, lies, his poison. It's driven a lot of good folks away from the righteous path. * I knew Joseph Seed was bad business when he wormed his way in here a few years back. I imagine the fucking mainstream media would paint us as two sides of the same coin, because they're either lazy or corrupt or both... But to me, it's simple: I'm willing to sacrifice everything for my family, while Joseph Seed wants to burn down the world for his. * Y'know, I had a dream last night that involved me, a bed, whips and chains, and Joseph Seed. Suffice to say there were a lot of conflicting emotions and sensations... * Did you have a vision? Faith dosed me with bliss, and I saw the Father come to me, personally, and tell me terrible things. * I have a lot of pity for Faith. Joseph is the true monster, manipulating that young woman into a weapon. * Who the heck is Faith, y'know? Joseph treats her both like his daughter and his sister. How much does she know? How influential is she? It's all twisted together. * I wonder how many other secret bunkers there are in the county? Joseph procured a whole missile silo and no one saw! * Faith came to Hope County to detox. Like tourism of hillbilly country for rehab. But Joseph took a shine to her and she was reborn. Hell, her real name ain't even Faith, but something rich, like Riley or Rachel. * Joseph believes in Faith. He's entrusted her with all manner of heinous activity out here. We need to take her out. * I can't see what kind of method to the madness Eden's Gate has goin' on. Three heralds of the Collapse? What are they even doin'? // They got a system. Faith sows, John reaps, Jacob... // Steps on your neck? // Deals in belief, I guess. // Nah, that's Joseph's job. He's the charismatic populist motherfucker. Jacob just wants to cull people. * Joseph's just a nobody from nowhere. How'd he get this many people behind him? * There was a time no western religious leader would be caught dead with a goddamned man-bun. Fuck I miss those days. Listen, I get that he's runnin' this big old cult and all but if you're gonna run a big old cult you gotta look the part! Long robe that's a weird color, like puce or something, stringy moustache, head shaved bald like a baby. Not like some kind of lovechild between a hipster and a country singer. * Joseph Seed's family is gone. He's gonna be vulnerable and running on emotion. He won't be thinkin' straight. If we're putting this to a vote, I'd say we close this chapter for good, as soon as possible.

Peggies

* The father's takin' a personal interest in those deputies now... Maybe his visions told him somethin'.   * Joseph said that deputy is special. I wonder what he meant by that. * Despite everything they've done to us, I know Joseph would still forgive them. * We have to love the sinners. It's what Joseph would want. * It's been too long since I've seen our Father's face. * Joseph is a gifted songwriter. You haven't lived until you've heard Joseph sing this live. * I heard that the Father got the idea for the Judges in a vision. * Jacob might teach us to shoot, but Joseph guides our aim. * President Seed has a nice ring to it. Wonder if Joseph has political aspirations? * I see why Joseph liked this county. Plenty of silos for what we need to store. * Everyone knows Joseph will not tolerate idle hands.   * The Father keeps all the best stuff for his Chosen. Leaves us the scraps. * After the collapse, we won't hear the Father on the radio anymore. * Joseph's disappointed in us, I can tell. We gotta do better. * I hope the Father doesn't take this out on us. * I can't imagine how Joseph feels now, with his brother gone.   * With Jacob gone the Father has to have a backup plan for us. He has to. * Our Father was supposed to save us. Joseph wouldn't ever abandon us, would he? * Joseph will know what to do. I just have to find out where he's hidin'.

Jacob

Resistance

* We're in Jacob's territory now. Know how I know? Wildlife is scarce. I'm not one for hunting but this area in particular used to be home to quite a few species. They've either been driven away or taken in for experiments. It's sad. * Jacob Seed's in charge out here. He's ex-military, he's a combat veteran, and he's a psycho. * Faith was Joseph's favorite, but Jacob is his toughest soldier, bar none. * Jacob's got this Chair. He straps people in and breaks them down until their souls are gone. Then he controls their mind. Don't end up in that chair. * I know Jacob's the bad guy and all, but every bad guy thinks they're this misunderstood hero, right? Has anyone ever tried to just, you know, take him for coffee and talk to him? * Strippin' people of their mind and freewill to build an army for The Father, that ain't right. I still can't believe Jacob and Joseph are brothers. * The mind is the most dangerous weapon and Jacob knows that all too well. No one was really prepared for this. * I've seen him up close once and I'll tell ya' Jacob Seed is one scary motherfucker. * Jacob had one thing right. Things are only goin' to get worse and you gotta be ready for it. * I had a dream once that Jacob took me on a hunt. We shot some deer and he asked me to skin them. As I was cutting them open they changed... it wasn't deer. I... I don't think it was a dream. * Whatever you do, don't listen to the music. That's how Jacob gets you. * One of the first places Jacob took over is the old Veteran's Hospital. No one thought much of it at the time. * Careful. Jacob likes to play mind games with ya. * This was an animal sanctuary until Jacob took it over. Looks like he's got some freaky deaky shit goin' on. Jake-n-Bake Seed really had his fingers up in everything up here. * Jacob's completely insane. He's not even trying to hide what he's doing anymore. * Heard that Jacob has been doin' some weird stuff with animals over here... and not just wolves this time. * Jacob's been putting people in cages. Keepin' them there with no food or water for weeks!  Almost better if they just killed you. * Eli worked on Jacob's special bunkers, did you know that? Turns out they didn't get along. Who would've thought? * No one is immune to Jacob's fucked up conversion. Once they hit you with that you ain't ever the same. * Jacob, he's knows everything that I'm thinking. He's got the key to my mind and he twists... and twists... and twists. * Jacob... his experiments... he takes us... owns us, speaks to us. He hears us. Jacob... he's in control. He controls everything. * Jacob knows how to get into your head. Twists things around so you don't know what's right anymore. * If Jacob can't find a use for you in his army, you become target practice for troops. * Be careful out there. Friends might not be friends anymore after Jacob's done with them. * I bet the Peggies got an armory here, too. I can't believe how Jacob got them so organized. * Jacob's using everything he learned in the military and twisting it to suit the needs of Eden's Gate. Son of a bitch is a poor excuse for a soldier if you ask me. As long as he's alive my Pops will be rolling in his grave, all bitter and mad. * Have to say, you've ticked Jacob off something fierce. * You wanna bet that Jacob had that three-wolf moon poster as a kid? I bet he was a cub scout, too. Now he's getting his badge for people-skinning and brainwashing. * I'm seeing a lot more choppers in the air. Looks like Jacob's using them to move troops and supplies. * You know, I was dumb enough to work for Jacob a few years back. Who you think built him all those Peggie bunkers? You think I saw any of this comin'? Hell no... * Jacob's new recruits gotta kill someone they care about, just to prove their loyalty. That's messed up on so many levels. * Jacob will be pied that you and the Cougars freed the Henbane River. He'll need a new source of soldiers. * Jacob sees himself as beyond the other so-called Heralds. He views his work as the most important, and that the others' purpose was to support him. * Jacob will break every bone in your body to convert you. He lives for pain. * Jacob would happily sacrifice everyone and everything in Hope County to feed Joseph's Collapse. He doesn't care about Faith. * Between John, Faith, and Jacob, I'd say our mind control freak is the worst. He makes people kill their own family. His own mind's twisted. He's a damn maniac. * I hear Jacob's looking everywhere for you. * You gotta save us from all this darkness. All this death. Jacob's losing it and he's out hunting down more people. He's gonna do anything for Joseph's plan to work. * Cult's got the wrong idea 'bout sacrifices. My neighbor killed his old man 'cause Jacob said so. For fuck's sake, you don't do that. * Jacob's gone nuts 'cause he lost a lot of his precious, mindless soldiers. I'd say it sucks even more to see our own teammates turned against us. * Jacob's pissed. That's new. He's always been the crazy type, but I'm afraid of what he'll come up with next. Stay sharp. * Using music to control people is so in bad taste, but Jacob's song pick, that's gotta say something about him. * How much do we know about this Jacob fella? He seems strong. Got a good setup going on... We ought to take some photographs of him or somethin'. Preferably shirtless... Y'know, for intelligence purposes. Know your enemy. * If Jacob he had an experienced woman in his life, this shit would not be happenin'. I'll take one for the team if it comes to that. Just don't tell Xander I said that. He'll get jealous. * I knew Jacob was trouble as soon as he showed up. I mean, did you see his face? It's all burned and twisted like his heart. * Jacob's got training grounds all over the place. I've seen them out there, shooting anything that moves. * I can almost understand why people follow Jacob. He's knows what he's doin', that's for sure. Mind you he's also a fucken' psychopath kind of a deal breaker for me. * Honestly, Jacob scares the shit outta me, even more than the Father. I've seen Jacob up close, I've looked him in the eyes they're empty, not a single shred of humanity anywhere. * Jacob's one sick fuck. Nailing up bodies? Burning people alive? That's just messed up. * You know what? I think Jacob's scared of Eli. That's why he's tried so hard to get him. * Jacob must be getting desperate and crazy. More troops out here than ever. * Jacob's plan worked. I tried to warn them. I told them not to go back. Jacob's going to win. He always wins. * Jacob was the big, mean, brute of the Seed clan. * Jacob was an example of how a vet can go bad without any help. Still glad he's dead of course.

Peggies

* Hope Jacob doesn't have another surprise inspection. Last one didn't go so hot. * Jacob asks for sacrifices from us all.  I gave up my son just so I could understand the Father's pain. * Jacob can turn these animals into weapons for the Father, I've seen him do it. * Jacob calls those wolves of his Judges, 'cause that's what they do. If you're not worthy, they tear you to shreds. * Jacob takes us, molds us and lifts us up to realize our potential. Just like this Judge. Once, it was just a simple wolf. Then it heard the voice of the Father. Now look at it. Stronger, faster... a killer. That's what Jacob does, he makes us better than we were, because only the very best of us will pass through Eden's Gate and on to salvation. * Jacob has asked us to find more recruits for the Project. We have to make them see the light... by force if necessary. * Jacob taught me how to bring a boar down will one killshot. Now I just apply the same logic to sinners. Easy. * Trust nobody, that's what Jacob told us. * Last time I was here Jacob himself complimented me on my shootin'. * Jacob will whip the strong ones into shape. The rest of 'em won't survive training. Jacob sure puts you through your paces here. It's how he makes us strong. * Jacob only wants the strongest of any creature. * Some of the converts have a hard time losing their old notions, but Jacob has a way of getting them to see the light. * If you've ever been in Jacob's presence you know just how powerful he really is. * There is no way anyone would dare stand up to Jacob. They'd be dead in a second. * Jacob's got this county locked down. There's no way they're gonna take him out. * Jacob knows what he's doin'. If he says he's got this bastard covered, I believe him. You know Jacob. He's not gonna give up. * I hear Jacob is furious. We have to try harder. We can't fail the Father. * Jacob's not dead. There's no way. He's too strong to die. * The sacrifice of Jacob must be part of the Father's great plan; we must trust in him. * The guy who killed Jacob. He fucken' cheated. You know Jacob. There's no way he would've lost in a straight up fight. Can't do anything for Jacob, but we can make sure Pratt pays for letting that bastard get away. * Do you think this the father knew about all this? // Of course. It's all part of his plan. // Even losing Jacob? // Do you doubt the Father's visions? // No! Of course not.... it's just... the guys... they have questions.... // Questions? Now's not the time for questions! It's time for action! Do you want to die a sinner? // No! Or course not! // Then get back to your post. The Father needs us now, more than ever! * So what the hell are we going to do now? // What do you mean? // What do I mean? Jacob's dead! That's a pretty big deal, if you ask me. // We still have the Father. It's his plan after all. // Sure, but he had Jacob and the others to help. He can't do it all himself. // That's why we're here. We have to step up, do whatever is asked of us. We can't give up, not now. // Yeah, you're right. Especially with what's coming. // Exactly. Get back to your post, this isn't over yet.

Pratt

* Jacob's caught himself a Deputy. I think it's Pratt. Poor bastard, he's not gonna last a day in there. * Deputy Pratt always came off as a bit of a douchebag, but that doesn't mean he deserves what Jacob's doin' to him. * I'd sure hate to be that Deputy Pratt right now. Jacob's gonna rip him to pieces. He tried to arrest his brother for God sake. * Pratt's days are numbered. One of these days Jacob's gonna have him nailed up on some billboard or something just like the others. * I keep thinking about Pratt, and what Jacob's doin' to him. That poor man's brain's gonna be totally fucked. * Can only imagine what it's like to be left in a cage with nothing to eat for days. God, do you think that's what they're doing to that Deputy of yours? Poor bastard. * I don't think that Deputy's gonna live much longer. I hear Jacob's furious and you can be sure who he's gonna take it out on. * Next time you meet your friend Pratt, be careful. Jacob does things... to your mind... he might not be the same person you remember. Don't say I didn't warn you. * Can you fuckin' believe that guy? // Who? // The Deputy. Pratt. He was wanderin' around behind the cages. // What the fuck was he doin' there? // Who the hell knows. Jacob's probably got him off doing some shit. // Yeah, he's lucky to be able to put two words together after what Jacob did to him! // Seriously. Sometimes I think it's a mistake to put too much trust in these converts. You should come willing to the light, or be struck down. * I.. I was told to feed the Judges but I didn't know where their food was. // Jesus, Pratt. Does nothing stick in that brain of yours? Over there, where it's always kept. // Right! Th..thanks Phil! It won't happen again! // It better not. * I just want go out and hunt down the bastard that killed Jacob and beat them to death.//Don't worry. They'll be here soon enough. We've got their buddy Pratt down here. Pretty sure we're next on the list.//Aren't you worried? They were strong enough to take on Jacob...// Fuck 'em. With the number of guards we got here? They'd be crazy to try to take us on. * Good thing Pratt's out man. He was lookin' like a hipster in a bullfight man. * There's not much of the old Deputy Pratt left, Jacob made sure of that. Almost would've been better that he'd died in there.       * Yeah, the Deputy might be free, but I won't say he's okay. No one is okay after they've been through the trials. No one. * Jacob sure did a number on Pratt. Not sure there's much of him left in there. * It's gonna take a while for Deputy Pratt to recover from this... if he ever does.

[cadomoisspokenfor]

Legion Rewatch Notes,

Chapter 8:

The Revolution

Aw man, how unfortunate what’s happened to Clark. I feel soooooooo bad. I mean he was just humble div 3 agent, doing his job, gaslighting marginalized individuals, participating in a genocide. How cruel of those bad bad mutants to injure him so badly. He was only actively about to kill David. What could he possibly have done to deserve any of this?

In other words, the Clark propaganda is not working on me this time. At all.

Maybe don’t participate in a genocide? Idk :/

I normally hate when people type in the passive aggressive way I have been for the past few paragraphs, but goddamn, Clark deserves it.

He’s not quite as damaged... but he’s kind’ve like old David here, from the over-medicated living with Amy timeline. Again, not quite as damaged as that though.

Clark considers mutants a “threat to democracy.” 🙄 “Moral panic” I guess?

“The second I walk outta this room, i’m going to war.” There’s that word again. Clark could just... not, and they’d probably have more time to figure out how to safely eradicate Farouk. But because he doesn’t and David busies himself with peace treaties, Farouk escapes and continues to be a problem for the next year. Clark has a family. A husband and child who love him to death. And he chooses war over them. This pattern will repeat in other character. Technically this isn’t even the start of it.

Suit change, new cane, same Clark. This really doesn’t change anything, does it? He could go through the rest of the series in the suit he wore before and it wouldn’t make difference. The valiant hero dressing for an expected victory over their long time (relatively) rival, only to be stopped immediately by an unforeseen development. This pattern will repeat... tragically.

Considering Farouk!David woulda just dusted them, it’s probably nice for his friends to see the real him is much less violent. He just stacks em like a Jenga Tower, no need for anything more.

Also, Wilhelm scream from one of the soldiers.

He’s also talking strangely. In an almost too calm voice. Measured. He talks like this a few other times, but I think those times have sadder context. Maybe they reflect on this moment. He talks like how he talked when Farouk was mind-melded with him, but his intentions aren’t evil this time around. I guess this is just his “fully in control” voice.

Clark’s literally shaking where he stands.

The zoom in to Clark’s blind eye is reminiscent to previous zoom in’s to Walter’s foggy eye. I guess Clark has taken on the role of Walter, artificially. Makes sense since he’s now the main D3 representative/antagonist like Walter was before.

“I don’t care if you save me, or the world, if you don’t save yourself.” David will eventually choose himself over the world, and Syd. And Syd will hunt him for it. Goes to show how much things change in s2.

“You know the most dangerous thing about schizophrenia?”

“You’re not-“

“The most dangerous thing is believing... you don’t have it! That’s the trick, the mind killer, your disease convinces you you don’t have it. So, for example, one day in the hospital you meet a girl and she has some friends, and they tell you you’re not sick. You have superpowers. And more than anything you wanna believe it because that means you’re not crazy! That means you can fall in love and live happily ever after. But you know if you believe it, if you surrender to the hope and you’re wrong, then... you’re never coming back.”

“I’m here. I’m real. The power is real. You gotta accept it, otherwise we can’t move on.”

“I was in Clockworks for six years. Drugged, doing nothing. Contributing nothing. And now, finally I can be useful! I can help! Don’t you get it? I am so sick of myself. This only works if it’s not about me.”

“David...”

So... that’s a lot. David believes being crazy means he’s not allowed to fall in love, or be happy. He said the same sentiment to Amy before Clockworks. This whole season and this episode especially push David into his full “I’m not insane, I won’t believe you if you tell me otherwise” mindset. At the very least that’s the stakes we’re playing with. If David fully gives into the hope, even for a moment, he believes there’s no possibility for recovery. No possibility for love or happiness. Why even try after that? It’s life or death for him. “If the choice is between life and death, I choose life.”

I know this is all already known and talked about and circulated 100’s of times over in various fan circles, but it’s probably the most important line for David’s character (the speech, not the Farouk quote). It’s very ableist, yes, but at least in the moment it’s coming from someone who’s just being too hard on themselves, and not ya know, being actively validated by the show.

2 episodes ago David talked about being worried about an “invincible” feeling. The dangers of mania.

We also know from that episode that David is more at peace in a calm, responsibilityless setting (with Syd) than he is out in the real world. David’s gonna take on a ton of responsibility, some of it’s gonna draw him away from Syd. At multiple moments throughout the show David has known his own mental health better than any of the others, and even warned them about potentially dangerous slopes he could fall down without their help. Despite this, David is pushed further down a path he tells them is dangerous and is still blamed for what happens in the end. I feel like Oliver’s line from ep4 is relevant here again, “We are the root of all our problems. Our anger, our confusion, our fear of things we don’t understand.” Everyone wants David to be something other than... David. A hero, a god, there projected image of a perfect partner. Not just... David.

Man, the more I realize about David’s self-awareness in s1 the madder I am at Syd for saying all that ableist stuff to him in s2 as if he wasn’t already down on himself 24/7. “It never occurred to you that you’re the problem not the solution?” It’s occurred to him like 5 times by now and has been shut down by you at least 3 of those times. I don’t understand.

What’s strange is... to my recollection David doesn’t believe he’s invincible at the end of s2. Or that he’s not sick.

“Saint David.”

“I’m not saying that. I make mistakes.”

“Say you’re gonna let them kill me if I don’t let them turn me into something different. Something easy. Something clean.” He sounds sinister here, but it is an indication that he knows he’s not perfect. In fact it sounds like he’s trying to appeal to Chap 1 Syd’s mentality. Your disorder is what “makes you you.”

So what’s the message here?

“We can’t just kill people. Or is that who we are now?”

“That’s who they are.”

The justification for killing here is that they’ll kill them if they don’t. Div 3 will kill Summerland if Summerland doesn’t kill Div 3, is what I meant. David has a similar justification for killing Shadow King in s2. Well, he has a LOT of justifications for it, but that’s one of them. Syd doesn’t hear it then either. She does attempt to kill David herself though. I don’t quite understand where the line is.

“He was gonna kill you, twice.”

“With that kind of thinking wars would never end.”

So... he shoulda just talked to The Shadow King when they were both powerless? Talking is what ultimately ends their fight in s3... hmm...

Cary is more humane to their POW than Melanie and Ptonomy are.

The show doesn’t necessarily say it was Cary’s fault for leaving Kerry. Either way though, Kerry needs some space.

Melanie calls David a “world breaker” and outright says now that he knows that’s what he is, div 3 doesn’t stand a chance. I suppose... knowing that... is why they so readily team with Farouk. They stood no chance otherwise. Even then, at least hide him away till after the intervention.

David’s floating meditation pose is seen more in s2 and A LOT more in s3.

He puts the onus of ending the war on Div 3. As if to say, “If things get violent again, it’ll be on you, not us.”

People keep talking about “gods” “waking up” and “realizing they don’t have to listen to us/them anymore.”

When Clark says it David’s first response is, “Isn’t that the history of the world?” But it’s a red herring (or something else) cause he follows it up with, “People of different nations, different languages, learning to live together?”

Clark is afraid if mutants gain power they won’t show humans mercy or equality. This is a common belief among fascist. The “they’ll treat us like we treat them” argument. Only it’s rarely self-aware, and it isn’t here either. Clark genuinely believes he’s not doing anything wrong. It’s all somehow in “self defense.”

Ah, so Farouk and Syd are connected psychically. He entered her mind whenever she entered David’s. He psychically affects her at multiple points throughout the series.

Syd here is convinced to help The Shadow King by The Shadow King. And while he’s wearing a mask at that. Yeah yeah, this pattern will repeat. But still, Syd gives in relatively quickly here. Perhaps she just... doesn’t fully trust Summerlands capabilities? They are legitimately trying to get rid of Farouk, but Farouk has proven time and time again how dangerous he is. Or maybe the “unmake soup” thing is just that convincing to Syd.

Clark’s still standoffish, but he’s slowly becoming more cooperative.

Syd rolled a 4 on that hero speech. She needed at least a 7.

I legitimately NEVER noticed before that Syd secretly turns on the lab camera feed for Clark to watch. They weren’t trying to show him that.

David gets a chance to look back at his whole life and recontextualize everything.

David straight up halts Farouk’s theme. If Clockworks Podcast is right and he can hear that whenever Farouk shows up, this would be evidence of it. Alternatively, he was halting Farouk, and the music halting was for the audience. A fun subversion of expectations.

David describes him and Farouk as, “The Sun and Moon.”

Division 3 sees it. The monster they saw on infrared. Clearly a separate entity from David Haller. Clearly of a different disposition than David Haller as David Haller has acted very differently and non-hostile compared to when they saw him roaming those HQ halls. The monster and David are not the same. They see who their real enemy is now.

It seems evident there was no chance of David beating Farouk on his own here. I wonder why? Was it true? Is Farouk just too ingrained in his mind? Cary said he was like a, “Computer virus. Learning his systems, bypassing his defenses.” Maybe Syd remembered that, and that’s why she believed Farouk. Cause Cary had already said something similar before.

Clark could've escaped, but he stayed, then tried to help fight Farouk.

I feel really sad Oliver got possessed. It never occurred to me before he could even tell Melanie he remembered her. Melanie’ll just go on thinking he never remembered her for a year.

And thus it’s established. There are “good mutants” and there are “bad mutants.”

No one checks on Ptonomy :(

The Lenny that’s talking to Oliver here is still just Farouk.

Did the orb go back as far as it could? Or was this time specifically chosen? If it was chosen, it was probably because it’s very soon after Farouk had been expelled from David’s head, and before the big race for his body starts.

[mendesficsxbombay]

send noods (II) | s.m

part 1 here 

only took me about 8 years to complete this haha (more like 2 months but you get it) this is the longest fic I have written so far (over 6K what it do baby!!) I hope you like it!

Shawn silently shuts the door to her room after making sure she’s safely fallen asleep, well fed and high on “wormies” (Stomach worm medicines. Zahra Ameen shortens things as she likes to, and you are expected to accept that.) He hadn’t bothered a lot with his phone since he got here, so when he pulls out his phone to finally check it, he’s not surprised to see the flood of notifications. The only people who really needed to know where he was were his mom, Zahra, and Zachary, his roommate. “Zach” for short, “whiteboy supreme” for Zahra. 

His fingers danced across the screen typing back replies to each of his project partners for their assignments due in the following weeks. She really couldn’t have chosen a worse time to fall sick because their mid terms were around the corner, a truck load of assignments lined up for both of them, and he’s thinking of ways he can probably do some of her stuff so she has lesser work to get back to when she recovers. Recovers, he thinks to himself as his mom’s words ring through his head. “She has a bug, baby, she’s not diseased, and she’s a strong girl and I need you to be a strong boy right now.” He silently huffs to himself because what does his mom know anyway? (everything.) He decides to quickly dash out and grab his laptop and notes over to her room so he can stay with her and work at the same time. 

He shoots her roommate a text about going back to his dorm and runs out. Back in their room, Zach silently watches Shawn pack his things like he’s preparing for exile. His laptop, chargers, notes for 3 different courses, his nighttime face cream, a towel, a power bank, a sanitiser is tossed in and he’s pretty sure he sees a his family photo thrown in somewhere. 

“Got everything you need, Shawnie?” Zach walks over and throws his arms around him from the back, clutching him tight. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

Shawn lets out a yelp as Zach becomes dead weight on him, forcing him to fall face first onto the bed, both now laying flat on what once was a pile of Shawn’s belongings. “Zach you know I can’t pack with you playing dead ON me, right? Move, jackass.”

Zach rolls over, propping his head up on one hand and continues to observe him, “you know I’ve noticed a few things about you, these days, Shawnie. And in my expert opinion I would like to diagnose you with a serious case of unrequited love, the subject in case being a girl currently diseased and lying in her bed high on wormies while you pack to move in with her-”

“I’m not moving in with her-”

“Interrupting is bad manners, you know? As I was saying, you are packing to move in with her, and I highly doubt she feels the exact same way about you, bro.”

“Okay, Zach. Get to the point, what do you mean, here?”

“See, I just don’t see her doing the same for you! If it weren’t for her staying over with you for your regularly scheduled, uh, activities, I would say that she wouldn’t come over at all! It’s always you going to her! Don’t you see that? It’s one sided!”

Shawn was still staring at him with a blank expression, still not sure where this whole conversation was going. “Zach, I need you to try and make more sense. I know it’s hard, but please.”

“Shawn, Zahra only has to breathe in your direction for you to be all heart eyes for her, like someone just says her name and you start blushing,” and unfortunately for him, he did start blushing again, “SEE? Shawn, full offense, I think you’re whipped trash and she’s just - not. I don’t think she feels as much as you do, and it’s really cute that you want to wait hand and foot on her, but it’s not reciprocated!”

Shawn looks away, unsure of how to tell him that it is, in fact reciprocated. They had talked their feelings out when they went home for winter break, made love till they couldn’t anymore and then talked some more and fucked some more. It was taken care of, Zahra Ameen was in love with him, too and they weren’t even dating yet. 

“It is, actually,” Shawn starts.

“It’s what?”

“Reciprocated.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“When we we went back home.”

“She told you she likes you?”

“She told me she loves me.”

“She told you she loves you?”

“Yes.”

Both of them took a moment to just look at each other, Zach getting pensive, until he flung a deodorant at him. “She told you she loves you A MONTH ago and you didn’t tell me?”

Shawn ducks just in time, the bottle landing somewhere behind him. “We’re barely learning to say it ourselves, Zach, it’s not exactly meant to be advertised right now,” he was exasperated, he’d been through the same cycle with his friends before, as had she with hers. People didn’t understand their dynamic, and they didn’t expect them to. They’d grown from being close to closer at their own pace and all while being exclusive without even trying, they were good at being them and there wasn’t ever a time they needed validation from anyone else. “And even if we did you guys would start grilling us for not dating and being in love, why am I meant to-”

“Hey, hey Shawnie listen,” Zach steadies him by holding his shoulders down, “I’m happy for you, bro, if you’re happy with her then I’m happy too, I was only worried because you were all in, you know? And I don’t want to see you get hurt man, you know what I was like after Rachel last year.”

“You saw Rachel for 3 days and decided you were in love with her without talking to her and she’d had a boyfriend for months before that, Zach I’m not sure how that counts as heartbreak…”

“What are you? The heartbreak police? I’m telling you, I was in a one sided relationship-”

“It was NOT a relationship, Za-”

“What did I tell you about not policing me, Shawn? Now, glad we decided to have this conversation, I’m glad both of you are equally whipped for each other, you need to pack up and get to her dorm before she wakes up or else - I don’t know man I don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Shawn snickers lightly, taking in how Zach was actually disturbed at the thought of Zahra screaming at him for messing around with her a few weeks ago. Shawn and Zahra had a few ground rules. One of them being they never left the other sleeping in bed without telling them where they went - this way they never had to wake up alone, wondering where the other went. Waking up alone after not going to sleep alone was one of Zahra’s deepest fears, and she’d had a hard time communicating that to absolutely everyone except Shawn. She’d rambled on and on about the why and how before he simply said, “Don’t leave you alone in bed. Got it.” And so, a few weeks ago when Shawn went to shower and Zahra woke up without him, Zach told her he left for the day and didn’t want to wake her up. She was a second away from crying when Shawn came out of the shower and kissed her good morning. That was when she physically launched herself at Zach for making her believe he truly left her after she told him not to. 

Goes without saying that Zach had been afraid of messing with her, avoided her for a week straight right after the incident and promptly left the flat as soon as she came over all other times. Zach still grumbled as Shawn continued packing proceeding to catching him in a headlock and pressing down on the visible hickey she must’ve left on him the last time she came over. Shawn pushed him away whining about “how many times have I told you not to do that, you absolute fuck?” and received a loud, “if you’re so sensitive why don’t you ask her not to?”

And we all know that would never happen.

Another 10 minutes and Shawn had taken everything he thought he would need, Zach still not leaving his side.

“You got your dorm pass?”

“Yes”

“Library card?”

“Yes”

“Vitamins?”

“Yes”

“Condoms?”

“Ye- why would I need those? Are you out of-”

“You’re going to see the one person I know who loves the deed more that you do, just figured you need them at hand.”

“She’s practically an invalid right now, get your mind out of the gutter, Zachary”

“Hey I’m just saying I can’t take the responsibility of being a godfather anytime soon, bud.”

“Good thing you won’t be one, then.” Shawn pulled out his phone to check if she had woken up and texted him after seeing the sticky note he left on her bedside, but his heart stuttered a bit seeing her last texts to him.

Babiest to shawny boy : (3:11 pm): feeling icky tbh but i had a rly cute guy come over to nurse me back to life

Babiest : (3:11 pm):  he is the greatest souper on the world

Babiest : (3:11 pm): soup maker?

Babiest : (3:11 pm): might just fuck around and wife him up while you’re not watching. Love u 

Did anyone go over to her’s while he wasn’t there? Not to brag, but he’s makes the sickest soups he knows, how could someone except his mom and her mom possibly come close to the absolute delicacy that is his world famous noodle soup? Why would she want to wife- I mean, be with someone else when he exists? And they exchanged the L word pretty recently, too, or did she not mean it? Why would she say it if she did not mean it? And if he’s honest, she does deserve the world, and he’s willing and ready to give it to her but if she wants it from someone else, who was he to stop her? He would wish it was him though. It always felt like it was. 

He continued staring at the texts till Zach snapped him out of it, and he blinked away tears he didn’t know he had. “Hey, can you read these?”

He handed his phone over and continued pacing around the room, constantly running running his hands through his hair, biting his nails, just to have an outlet. Zach bit his lip reading the texts, unsure of how to respond. He wasn’t there when this went down, how was he to know if she was talking about Shawn or someone else? 

“Bro, do you think there’s someone else?”

“I don’t know, I think…,” Shawn looked away, not wanting to cry when he doesn’t know anything for sure and definitely not wanting to do it in front of Zach because he was the easiest crier he knew. One person composing themselves is better than two of them losing it. The energy in the room had shifted in the matter of seconds. The airy, playful banter was gone as quick as it came, signs of possible heartache hanging over both of their heads now. Their friendship worked in funny ways, sometimes. Zach took on responsibility as quick as he could, and Shawn could let go of his voice of reason for Zach’s sake at any given point. If what both of them were thinking did turn out to be true, it would be the first time Shawn would have to wear his heart on his sleeve rather than the other way around. 

“You can say whatever you want, you know that Shawny,” he sighed, looking back down at the texts. “We don’t judge around here…”

Shawn didn’t face him for a bit. He couldn’t and he didn’t want to. He continued crossing the length of his room while Zach resumed his spot on the bed, watching him intently. A few more rounds and he came to halt abruptly in front of him, eyes red from not crying, it’s a thing that happened to him. He let out a sounded that felt something like the air was choked out of him and he’d been punched in the gut.

“She told me she loved me, Zach.” And Zach started crying, and Shawn was about to join in until his ring tone cut them off.

It was Zahra calling. 

__________________________

Zahra sighed for the third time in 5 minutes, she was having a hard time finding relevant information for Shawn’s next research paper. Her eyes were strained now and the pads of her fingers felt scratched into after working on her laptop’s touch pad for so long. Her hands uncovered her face and lay flat on the table in front of her as she leaned forward to stare at the screen as if that would make things fall in place together. She felt a finger link with her pinky, a soft, tired smile growing on her face as his thumb ran across the back of her hand. Shawn had a few nervous ticks, the easiest to ground him was through physical contact, easier so when she was around. Zahra flipped her hand over slowly, letting his fingers intertwine with hers, seeing him furrow his eyebrows over a particularly hard piece of writing and thinking of how quick the library matron would shoo them out of there if she just leaned over and gave him a few kisses, not many, just a few. She spared a glance around the relatively empty section they had found, and decided that loving on her boy for a bit was more important at the moment than having a secluded working environment. 

She leaned closer, pulling him in by the side of his face to pepper kisses across his temple down to his cheeks. She felt his cheeks grow into a smile under her lips, a soft, “I’m trying to concentrate, baby,” coming through. “You work too hard,” she mumbled, finally pulling his face her way and kissing him for real. He reacted naturally, pressing down on her chin so she’d let him kiss her as he pleased, rubbing his thumb across her cheeks now. 

It was her turn to smile as she felt his tongue pad across her lower lip, pulling away slightly to brush his nose against hers. Another Shawn and Zahra thing. She leaned back in, mirroring Shawn’s actions and swiping her tongue against his lip softly, keening as she heard him hum softly. He caught her chin again, but to lightly pull away this time.

“Control yourself, Ms. Ameen, we’re still in the library and your membership could be revoked if someone caught you engaging in such a lewd act,” he grinned lightly, pecking her one last time before getting back to work. 

“Lewd act? Really? As if this is the worst we’ve ever done,” he tries to shush her but she continues anyway, “Remember when we went behind the bleachers after your game last ye-”

“Shut up, Zahra, honestly,” it was his turn to blush furiously, “don’t you have a paper to finish?”

“Your paper, you mean?” She rolls her eyes at him and he’s endeared to no end, really. As she slips her hand back into his, laying her flat on the desk before her presumably to take a break, his heart feels slight pangs that turn to jabs till he thinks he probably cannot breathe anymore. The day he read the texts, he went over to her house anyway, and there’s a lot of things Shawn Mendes was capable of but staying away from Zahra Ameen was not one of them. So he’d gone over, hugged her and kissed her like he always did and promptly ignored her when she giddily asked him if he got her texts. 

Her face fell when he chose not to answer her, and she’s not used to not getting a reply from him so she pressed a bit more till he brought in the remaining soup for her to finish and go back to sleep. He knew they were coming to an end, sooner than he expected, and he actually didn’t expect this at all. An unfortunate part of him believed they were it, they were endgame,  they were each other’s “ult faves” as Zahra said. All good things come to an end, though, and as much as he wished it was him and her at the end, he couldn’t dream if holding her back from anything. Maybe a better love was in store for her, and the least he could do was let her have it, the most he could do was hold onto whatever they had until she told him the truth. 

He didn’t stop with the hand holding or the kisses or the I love you’s, and to his misery neither did she. If anything she became softer around him, killing him inside all while holding his hand. He thought it was just a way to make the blow softer, whenever the blow eventually comes. 

And now a week later as she held his hand under a desk in their university library, he wishes he had tried talking to her about it on the same day. It would spare him the pain of holding her hand and thinking it’s the last time he’ll ever get to do so, it was exhausting to constantly think of each time as their last. 

He looked up from their hands to see Amisha walking over, nudging Zahra to sit up and greet her classmate. She rubbed at her eyes, reminding him to get the mock papers he was supposed to refer to while writing his own. Shawn pulled away, grateful for the distance all of a sudden as he saw her get out of her seat for the first time in over 2 hours, hugging Amisha and catching up softly, keeping their voices to a whisper.

He thumbed through the piles of papers available to him, picking out a few randomly and signing in his name on the counter. At times he was grateful Zahra forced him to get a library card and then forced him to study with her endlessly because he had grown to love the place. As he walked back his tennis shoes made a light thwack sound against the marble of the surprisingly dead room, focusing back on Zahra. 

Amisha and Zahra had lots in common. They picked the same Majors, same Minors, happened to be the only two second year’s on the debate team and shared their heritage being two of the many Indian girls on campus. Amisha had also learned of how much Zahra loved their campus library, and made sure to her rounds each time she came in in hopes of running into her.

Zahra spoke animatedly about falling sick the previous week and as Amisha asked her if she’d started working on her own research papers due soon. “I have! I promise, just let me finish my boyfriend’s and I’ll get back to mine for reals,” the answer would’ve gone on for longer had they not heard a pile of something fall behind them, disturbing the silence around them. 

Shawn’s heart was in his mouth and his hands shook even after the papers slipped through. Boyfriend? Things had gotten to a point of Zahra having a boyfriend and she still let him kiss her?

“You okay, Bub?” Zahra rushed over, helping him get his precious mocks into one pile again and raising her brow when he didn’t reply, just stared at her dumbly. “Shawn?”

“Hey um, we have class beginning in 10 and the walk is usually takes us 15 so…” Zahra looked back at Amisha who looked ready to break into a sprint if she said the word. 

She nodded to the door and Amisha took the signal and left with her bookbag as Zahra frantically packed her own stuff, starting to throw instructions at Shawn for his remaining assignments, things like “I’ll email you the final design by tonight” and “we’ll finish your report writing by tomorrow” and “I’ll see how your business prof doesn’t give you the highest grade after seeing the model we’re working on, babe.”

dontcrydontcrydontcry he chanted in his mind, still not sure of what to tell her or how to react, the jabs felt in his heart again. She finally turned to him, cupping both his cheeks and pressing one long kiss to his lips, enough for him to make it through the day usually but right now, it didn’t feel like he’d make it through the next minute.

“We’re gonna crush this sem, baby,” she grinned, her eyes sparkling before she turned around and ran out after Amisha. He wasn’t sure if it was her leaving or the wind just not finding place in his lungs but his poor heart and his poor mind were barely hanging on by a thread. Thoughts of her consumed him within a second of her leaving, and his sanity seemed further and further away. He was used to feeling weak in the knees around her, but not so much in her absence.

_____________

Zach pulled his backpack up higher on his shoulder as he waited for his group to join him at the campus cafe he’d been waiting at for the past 10 minutes. His mind was working overtime as he didn’t know how he’d face Zahra while he knew how bad Shawn was taking the hit of their relationship. He hated the image of Shawn walking home with red rimmed eyes for the second time in the same week after he knew he met Zahra at the library. He didn’t have the heart to ask him the reason why because he already knew. 

Which is what brings him here, because he shared 2 classes with Zahra, and Shawn doesn’t. Zach was already nervous around her because she was at the top of most of her classes anyway, and she was in group project for this particular one. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to act like everything was fine between them, or between her and Shawn. From what he gathered from Shawn, she acted like everything was fuckin’ dandy. A part of him wanted to call her out, hurt her for hurting his best friend but a bigger part of him knew how that would affect Shawn. To him Zahra had hung the moon, and Zach would comply for his sake. Seeing her walk towards him with the rest of their group, he took a deep breath, narrowing his eyes, as if he was preparing for attack. He didn’t gain second place in his school’s acting competition to never put his skills to use. If she could pretend, he could pretend, too. 

___________

He couldn’t pretend for the life of him. It had been two hours and all he did was stare at her with a blank expression, he would give mono-syllabic answers each time someone asked for his inputs and he could see her grow uncomfortable under his stare over time. They had their books and papers piled onto the table along with their coffees and snacks, he couldn’t even finish half of his iced coffee and Zach loved iced coffee. 

In his mind he played a dramatic scene where he stood up and screamed “How could you?!” in her face before throwing all their books off the table and saying something more like “You should be ashamed of yourself, Zahra Ameen,” or “How do you sleep at night knowing you’re a cheater?” and storming out of the cafe but a) Zach had social anxiety and therefore hated being the centre of attention and b) their notes were expensive and he wasn’t about to throw them to the floor anytime soon. And he would very much like to not be banned from the only cafe they have on campus, thank you very much. 

So all that was left for him to do was stare, and hope to God that it was enough for her to own up to what she did. She was in the middle of showing the group designs she had worked on in the past, trying to gain inspirations for their coming submission and he visibly winced as he recognised two of those as work she’d done for Shawn in the past. She accidentally picked up the mug next to her own and took a sip, nearly spitting it out and saying the most pained, “Is that peppermint hot chocolate?” The group all burst into laughter as her distaste for the poor drink just grew bigger.  “Why are you guys laughing? It’s genuinely the worst thing ever!! What kind of sociopath drank good ol’ hot chocolate and thought, hmm, how can I make the best thing in the world taste bad?”

“It’s not even bad, it’s like the upgraded version of hot chocolate, Zahra, you just don’t have taste,” the girl next to her giggled. 

“God, you sound exactly like my boyfriend, you guys should start a cult,” she rolled her eyes, “And as much as I don’t support this agenda, he loves this disgraced drink from the place on 21st, if you ever want to try it out.”

Zach looked like he’d seen a ghost. He looked like the life had been sucked out of him. His heart clenched and his hands shook. If this is how I’m feeling then what on earth is Shawn going through? He continues staring at her for just a second longer, mumbling the tiniest, lowest, “How could you, Zahra?” before he rushes to stuff his things into his bag, the group looking at him in his confusion. 

“Are you okay?” Of course she had to be the one to ask him that, that’s just how great his life is. 

“No - I mean, I have somewhere to be, bye,” and then he’s dashing out the door. He runs and runs, doesn’t stop until he reaches their dorm and barges inside their house. A few stray tears may or may not have fallen out in his state of frustration, and he sees Shawn by his desk and runs over and wraps his arms around him in the tightest hug he could muster. 

“I’m sorry, Shawn I’m so, so sorry you don’t deserve this,” he cries into his shoulder, “You deserve everything, bro, you deserve the world..”

Shawn was used to Zach crying at the smallest of things, he was an easy crier, that one. And yet he had never truly heard wails so heartbroken come from him, not even when Shawn made Zach watch The Notebook with him for the first time. He wraps his arms around Zach, trying to comfort him but to no avail, his cries growing deeper by the second. Shawn himself was spent, the past few days having taken a swing at his health, and this was the second day he had avoided the mirror. It was embarrassing how much he had let a girl  affect him but if he was being honest, he knew she was anything but. 

He shushed Zach again, now rubbing his back, telling him he couldn’t fix whatever it was that made him so sad if he didn’t talk to him at all. 

“It’s her, it’s Zahra she’s- she,” he could barely talk through his hiccups and Shawn’s heart broke at the mention of her all over again. He coaxed Zach into speaking more, “She does have a boyfriend, Shawn, she said it today, she said it in front of me like, she said her boyfriend loves some hot chocolate from the 21st street place and she - she knew I was right there in front of her, and she said it so easy, like she doesn’t even care, and why aren’t you saying anything?!”

What can I possibly say, he thought.

“It’s okay, buddy, she’s with someone else, that’s not the end of the world, is it?” he smiled weakly. It was though, he felt like his world was seconds away from burning every time he thought of her.

“But she’s - you - you love her, Shawn, and you’ve never loved like this before,” Zach cried out.

“I need you to calm down, first, Zachary,” he let out a dry laugh, ignoring his best friend’s protests, “She’s allowed to love someone else, buddy, I guess it wasn’t so requited after all… and if she’s happy with someone else… then I’m happy for her, I can’t be angry because she doesn’t love me back, that’s not fair on her or on me,” he sniffled a bit, looking away and ignoring the burn in his eyes, “I guess - I mean, I’ll always wish it was me and her at the end, you know? But you can’t fight for everything, that’s not how love works, it works when you’re at peace, and maybe I’m not at peace today or tomorrow but some day I will be…”

Zach watches his best friend struggle with his words, his emotions and mostly his love that he can’t contain no matter how much he tries. He can’t help but mumble back to him, “Shawn I know we’ve always been against physically abusing women but you remember Riya from freshman year? She won the Inter College women on women boxing championship this year, I can get her to rough Zahr-”

Shawn lets out the first laugh Zach has heard in days, smiling despite himself. “That won’t be necessary, we’re not sending someone to beat up the girl I still love.”

Shawn goes to get Zach some water now that he has finally calmed down with the crying and is now settling himself onto his bed when he hears a series of knocks on the door, a chill running down his spine when he realises only one person knew that pattern. Zach goes over to open the door before he can stop him. 

His face contorts almost immediately upon seeing Zahra, defence mode kicking in automatically. 

“Are you okay?” She starts, “You ran out of there like-”

“Shawn’s not here if you’re looking for him,” he snipes.

“Where is he?”

“He has a class right now.”

“Which one?”

“Integrated uh, Marketing.”

“Nice try, he had that class yesterday,” she shoves past him, entering their dorm and finding Shawn looking like a wounded puppy in the kitchen area. “Hi…” she says softly, careful to approach him. “You didn’t answer my calls or texts so I thought I’d come over to-“

“Now’s really not the time, Zahra, you should go,” he’d never asked her to leave, ever. And his heart broke as he saw her pretty face fall, the dull jabs in his heart making a return. 

“Oh, um,” she tried to find the correct thing to say to him, unsure of what she’d done wrong, “Is - are you okay? Is something wrong?”

“He said he doesn’t want to see you right now, Ameen,” Zach spits, moving to stand between the two of them, blocking Shawn protectively. 

Zahra’s heart fell to her stomach as she tried to remember what she could’ve done so bad that the whiteboy had to step in. 

“Okay, um, I’ll just leave this here then,” she put down the takeaway glass of peppermint hot chocolate that none of the boys had noticed till now, “Please drink it before it runs cold… and um, please call me?”

“You really have guts, huh,” Zach speaks up again, ignoring Shawn trying to hold him back. He sizes up Zahra, stepping closer to intimidate her, “You want to fool around with god knows who and still come around for him? I don’t know what made you think that this was ever okay-” but before he can complete himself Shawn puts a hand to his chest, pushing him away from her. 

“Remember what we said about scaring girls, Zachary,” Shawn keeps his voice low, “Let me handle this, please.”

Zach scoffs before heading to his room and slamming the door shut, and Shawn runs his hand down his face, preparing himself for the worse of this heartbreak. 

“Can you just tell me what’s going on? I have no idea-“

“When were you going to tell me?” It was Shawn’s turn to be mad.

“About what?” Her confusion only grew by the second, both boys talking in riddles.

“About you fucking someone else, Zahra, about you having a boyfriend.”

“I’m not fu- I have only been with you, Shawn.”

“See? That’s what you want me to believe? Zahra, I loved you, I gave you everything I had, and it wasn’t enough for you I get it, there’s better guys out there, and,” he sighs in annoyance, blinking his tears away for the fifth time in a day, mad at himself for being so emotional, for loving her so much his voice coming out in whimpers, “the least you could’ve done was tell me, baby, I would’ve let you go the second you said you wanted out, what did I do to deserve this?”

Zahra’s eyes pricked with tears as she saw him struggle to get the words out, tears streaming down his face. She moved closer to him to wipe them away but he just moved further away from her again, not willing for her to help. 

“Baba, I don’t know what you’re talking about I - I haven’t, I don’t want anyone but you - I really don’t know what you’re talking about, how am I supposed to give you an answer?” She croaked out, throat going dry at the thought of him hurting because of her. 

“So you still want to act like you don’t know? Fine, I’ll tell you.” She winced as his voice grew louder, she’d never seen him like this before. “That day at the library? When you told Amisha you were there with your boyfriend? And when I came over to your house when you were sick and god, Zahra I made you soup from scratch and you had the audacity to say you had some boy come over to take care of you and you wanted to wife them up? Like what the fuck was that about? But I let it slide because I loved you Zahra, you’re my best friend the least you could’ve done was lessen the blow - oh and today? When you told your group including Zach about this boy of yours? Do you need more reminders? You’re one to talk about people who cheat but look at you now, huh? Or do you not count this as cheating because, in your words we’re not even dating, are we?”

It falls into place in her head before she can form words to get it out. He had it all so, so wrong. It hurt her that he bottled up his feelings so much that he thought she realistically liked someone who wasn’t him. 

“Shawn,” she started calmly, “that day at the library, whose project was I working on?”

“How does it matter?” He scoffs, turning away from her again. 

“It does, please, whose project was I working on?”

“Mine? But who el-”

“And today with Zach, I told them about the peppermint hot chocolate from the place at 21st… who took me there for the first time?”

“That fucking boyfriend of yours? How am I supposed to know?”

“You did,” she whispered, “and in that cup behind you is peppermint hot chocolate, because you’re the only person I know who loves it so much.” She wipes her tears away, moving to hand him the cup. “I told you it would run cold.” 

He had visibly calmed down, trying to take in what she was trying to tell him. “What about the day I came over when you were sick?”

“You’re the only one who would bring the soup and take care of me. You’ve always been the only one.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t think I’d need to, to be honest. After coming back to college this time, it felt like everything had finally fallen into place, you know? Like we had fallen into place. I know it’s not something I’d discussed this with you, but I only love you, you know? How could I ever want someone else?”

He looked down in shame, thinking of the mess he’d created. “Why didn’t you ask me?”

“About what?”

“Being your boyfriend?”

She wiped her nose, laughing out fully before looking him in the eyes and lowering herself on one knee. “If that’s where we’re still at,” she grins at him, “Shawn Mendes, will you be my only boyfriend?”

taglist: @shawnwyr​ @mendesstories​ @lanallaa​ @sleepybesson​ @rulerofnocountry​

dm to be added or removed ♥️

[aurelliasworld]

𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘗𝘳𝘰

pairing; sugawara koushi x reader

synopsis; sugawara knows how tough the last month has been for you. he doesn’t want to see you so miserable and decides that he’ll have to pull out the biggest card he has.

warnings; none, just pure fluff

It’s obvious how much pressure you’re under. You’re in your third year, exams quickly approaching, you’ve taken one the role as the art club’s president, and your friends expect you to be their therapist for every minor incident. You’ve been tired and perhaps a bit snappy with him over the last month and he could tell from the moment it started that you needed some much-deserved rest. 

At this point, Sugawara knows what will help you relax. You’ve been dating for almost a year and a half now and he knew you like the back of his hand and the same way around. When he brainstorms what he can do to make your days a little less daunting, he has more than enough to work with. He knows your favourite food, your favourite movie, that one place on your back that you love to be scratched, the works. He wants to do something bigger though, he wants you to completely forget about what’s bothering you if even just for a moment. Because of this goal, it’s easier to narrow down his list to a few things. Who knows, maybe he’ll do them all. 

“Koushi!” you draw out your words over the phone. You’re getting a bit too impatient for your boyfriend. First, he texted you in the middle of a Sunday afternoon only saying that you needed to come over and now he won’t even let you inside. You’re tapping your foot on the concrete and crossing your arms. TO be honest, if it wasn’t for the cold weather you would have been fine waiting. That was not the case though, you did not think it was ‘fine’ that you could see your breath coming out clear as day. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! One minute please, all I need.” His voice is rushed and strained and it triggers a pang of guilt in your heart. You sighed inwardly and nod to yourself, he’s probably cleaning the room or trying to do something important. You know that your boyfriend wouldn’t willingly leave you outside to freeze and forgive him. Even if you hadn’t, the moment you walked inside it would all be forgotten. 

You find yourself scrolling through your phone and leaning on the house’s wall right beside the doorway. You stay there for another minute before he swings the door open frantically. You furrow your brows at him, confused as to why he seems so out of breath. “I-I didn’t expect...you...to be here so quickly,” he manages to get a breathe out. 

“I live like four streets away, Koushi. It’s like a ten-minute walk,” you laugh happily. He invites you to step inside, greatly exaggerating his butler-like movements, and you eagerly agree. He takes your coat like the gentleman he is and more or less throws it on the living room couch. You sigh, what was the point of it if he wasn’t even going to put it away? You imagine how his mother would roll her eyes and loudly talk to herself about how ‘no one helps her clean around here besides his son’s girlfriend’. Giggling at the thought of Sugawara’s mother, who he most definitely got his sass from, made you wonder where they were. Every once and a while they would leave on business trips but you didn’t remember Sugawara telling you about it. 

“Y/N? Are you coming up?” He calls from up in his room, or at least that’s what you assume when you hear him upstairs. 

“Coming, coming,” you smirk to yourself and pop up the stairs quickly. You know which room is Sugawara’s and you slip into it, shutting the door behind you as he tells you to when you come in. 

When you turn around to view the room for the first time, your jaw drops at the sight. There’s Sugawara, sitting cross-legged on the bed and holding your favourite drink. He has the book you were talking about last week, the one you said you didn’t have time to do and a bunch of your favorite snacks. He flashes you his bright smile and your cheeks flush red. You’re already so excited for this, wait till you find out he has more. 

“Oh my gosh, this is so amazing, Koushi!” You squeal and leap into his arms, effectively pinning him onto the bed. You start glancing around the room more to see some fairy lights that he must have set up and a suspicious pile of blankets and pillows in the corner. Before you can question him about it though, he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you into a tender kiss. He can feel your smile against him before you return his affections. 

Sadly, he pulls away quickly and sits back up, pushing you up with him to sit between his legs. “Pillow. Fort.” He only needs to say those two words and you’re already bursting at the seams with anticipation. You always talked about pillow forts, or more specifically you always talk about sleepovers and what you would do at one, but does that matter? If you wanted, Sugawara would most definitely let you turn this into a sleepover! You had never actually made a pillow fort before though. As a child, you didn’t have many friends and the ones you did have, you never really did ‘that kind of thing’. It wasn’t that you missed out in your childhood, you had other things that you did. For example, every Friday you would go to the local park with other kids on your street and play grounders. (You somehow always managed to get yourself hurt though.) 

You clamber out of the bed quickly, desperate to reach the ‘supplies’ for you fort. You spring into action and start making a mess of his room which Sugawara first cringes at but then reminds himself why he thought of this in the first place. Soon he’s with you, throwing pillows and blankets everywhere, very much distracting you from your ‘very important’ project. 

“Kouuuushi! You’re supposed to help me,” you whine playfully, hitting him in the face with a pillow. He sighs and drops the barrage of pillows he was about to throw at you and went into his ‘very serious’ mode. You were surprised by how good he was at doing this, it was almost as if he had planned it all beforehand, (hint: he did), but you didn’t question it. As he built the fort, you helped him by gathering pillows and blankets together making the whole process go very quickly. After maybe five minutes, it was finished. It was perfect. The ‘ceiling’ blanket was tucked between his bed and his dresser making it so you could lay down without having the blanket on your head, and there was even a makeshift door. Maybe the two hours of watching YouTube videos and practicing his fort building technique paid off. 

“C’mon! Let’s go inside,” you say in a slightly sing-song voice. You wiggle your body a bit as you shimmy into the fort. When Suga follows you inside you giggle and hug his side. You’re glad that it’s a tight space as it gives you all the more reason so smother your boyfriend with love. 

“Now we watch a movie and eat snacks,” he declares dramatically as he reaches for where he laid the snacks and drinks. You clap your hands and take one of the drinks in your hand, supping it with great satisfaction. Suga searched for his laptop amidst the pillows and blankets before he finds it. He opens it and quickly tries to hide his search history of “things to make your girlfriend happy” and “how to build a good pillow fort”. 

“Disney movie marathon?” he suggests and you nod your head eagerly. You’re even happier now because he remembered how much you used to watch Disney movies as a child and how you’ve wanted to watch them all again for a while now. 

“What did I do to deserve a man like you?” you whisper under your breath, showering the side of his face and upper neck in light kisses. 

“Probably a hero in your past life or something,” he wittily responded. That’s Suga for you, even if he was the sweetest guy ever, he couldn’t help his smug remarks or chaotic attitude. You loved that about him though, it was what attracted you in the first place. 

“Ugh, whatever. Oh! Shut up, shut up! It’s starting!” You lean forward and Suga hands his arm over your back, pulling you closer to him. He rolls his eyes at you though, he wasn’t even speaking when you told him to shut up. He bites his tongue and only nudges you with his chin playfully. This day is all about you, if the lady wants him to shut up, then shut up he will. 

[hoeforbilly]

you don't have to do this alone

request: i decided go combine two requests I got because they were kind of similar

1."An imagine where the readers dad is also abusive and she sneaks out after a particularly bad fight and billy finds her walking on the side of the road all bloody and bruised and just offers her a ride anywhere and they just drive. Just fluff and some angst. Maybe they aren’t really friends from school but have classes together so they know each other" @queenbbarnes

2. "Hiya love ❤️ I was curious if you could maybe do a BillyxReader where the readers dad is supper abusive mentally (at first), but one night when Billy is over at her house her dad hits her and then Billy steps in? Sort it if it’s to specific. It’s just kinda how my life was a while back. I love your writing ❤️❤️" @tom-holland-fanfic

warnings: mental and physical abuse, mentions of blood, swearing

genre: angst, fluff at the end

word count: 2.1k

please please please be careful angels, if anything like this is happening to you please get help, you don't deserve to be going through that. i'm also in no way trying to romanticize domestic abuse or any other kind of abuse.

You fucking hated your family. You hated your parents, the shit they made you go through and that you couldn't say anyone about it. Your mom was too busy with her own stuff to notice what your dad did to you. But she must have known. She's seen the bruises and the cuts, the black eyes and busted lips. There was no way in hell she didn't know your dad was regularly hitting you, even if he always waited till she was gone.

It was really late and walking around alone probably wasn't the best idea. But you just had to get away. Being in that house was not an option. You tried to wipe some of the blood from under your nose as you walked, but not being able to see yourself made it really difficult. You were sure you just smeared in all over your cheek.

Tears slowly found they're way to your eyes, you didn't wanna cry but you were just so tired. You felt helpless and worthless. You couldn't run away, you literally had nowhere to go.

You were so occupied by your own thoughts you didn't notice a car approaching.

"Hey! Y/N? Is that you?" you turned your head to see no other than Billy Hargrove, the Hawkins' High douche leaning out from the window of his camaro. His brows were furrowed as he examined your figure with a worried expression. He was worried? "I must look like utter shit then" you thought to yourself.

"Get in!" he shouted over the sound of the music and you shook your head lightly. "Oh come on, I'm not gonna leave you on the side of the road like that" he turned down the music, his voice soft and maybe even comforting, in a way. You examined your options, ultimately deciding getting in Hargrove's car was the best you could do. You got in and buckled your seatbelt, without even looking at Billy.

"I'm gonna drive you home, okay?" he asked quietly, as if he didn't want to scare you.

"No, no I can't go home" you shook your head furiously, feeling panic take over your body. He put his hand on your shoulder and rubbed in reassuringly.

"Shhh, that's fine. I can just drive you around" you nodded and sinked deeped into the leather seat of his camaro. It was surprisingly comfortable, the faint smell of Billy's cologne lingering in the air. The soft music kept playing in the background as he drove and after a few minutes you were falling asleep.

Someone's hand on your knee woke you up. You jumped, scared it was your dad, ready to push him away. Looking around, you saw Hargrove's face and relaxed your body once again. You were sure if he didn't do anything when you were asleep, he wasn't gonna try anything now.

"Here, drink up" he placed a water bottle in your lap and you gave him a faint smile. You gulped away, just now realizing how thirsty you were.

"Thanks" you got out, handing him the empty bottle.

"Don't worry about it" he shook his head. "Okay, how about I clean you up a little?" he offered, reminding you of what had happened earlier. You grabbed the rearview mirror and squirmed seeing how awful you looked. Two black eyes, dry blood smeared all over your cheek.

"Fuck" you muttered examining your face. "Fuuuck this is gonna be a bitch to cover up"

"I have a first aid kit in the back. Can I?"

"Yeah, sure, thanks" as he reached back and under your seat to reach for the little box, his shirt revealed a bit of his chest, big purple bruises peeking out.

"Oh god Billy" you whispered, eyes wide.

"It's nothing. Can you turn to me?" you did as he said, still shocked. You've never noticed that before. Looking at his hands, you realized they were no signs of a recent fight, his knuckles free of cuts or bruises. He didn't have any bruises on his face either. You knew exactly what that meant. Tears started rolling down your cheeks and he swiped the gauze over your cheek. He didn't react at first, almost as if he didn't notice. His tongue peeking out from the corner of his lips, a focused expression on his face. When he finally looked up and saw you cry he just wrapped you in a hug. It wasn't intimate or even friendly, you didn't know each other well enough for that. It was awkward and almost forced but you appreciated it nonetheless.

"Hey it's alright" he whispered and pulled away a few minutes later. Your crying has stopped at this point but your face was still puffy and messed up. You were physically and emotionally drained.

"I'm sorry Billy" you managed to get out and he looked at you confused. You pointed to his chest. "I saw your bruises" you added.

"Oh that... that's from a fight" he sounded like he didn't even care to make you believe.

"I know it's not" you slightly lifted the hem of you shirt revealing similar bruises all across your torso. "See?" he reached out and ran his fingers over the marks. Some where purple and blue, some older ones faded to shades of yellow and green.

"Your dad?" he asked and you just nodded.

"Yours?" he did the same. You sat there in silence for a little bit. You fiddled with your fingers having no idea what to say. Billy was the one to break the silence.

"Y/N?" you looked at him "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell people about this" he stopped and let out a sigh. "Please?"

"Of course Billy" you reassured him. "I won't tell anyone" you gave him a faint smile.

A month later you found yourself being around Billy a lot more than you ever have before. He sat next to you in the classes you had together and usually ate lunch with you. Neither of you spoke about the night he picked you up from the side of the road but you did weirdly start taking care of each other. It wasn't unusual for Billy to climb through your window in the middle of the night, bloody and bruised. There were also more than a few times when you ended up walking to his house, throwing rocks at his window and finding a strange comfort in his company.

When your English teacher paired you up for a project neither of you minded. You were doing okay in school and Billy, despite what a lot of people thought, was very smart too. It's just hard to focus on school when your home life is fucked up.

You both decided to go over to your house after school and start working on the project, your dad was supposed to be working late so there was a good chance no one would bother you.

You opted for your room as the work space, spreading your materials on the floor. It was going well and 3 hours in your decided it was time to eat something. You ordered pizza and went downstairs to chill on the couch before it got there, taking a much deserved break.

After 30 minutes the door bell rang and both you and Billy stood up.

"I got it" he smirked and rushed to get the food before you could say anything.

"What the fuck?" you heard your dad's voice from the door and you felt your hands start to shake. "Who are you?"

"Hello sir, I'm... I'm Billy Hargrove. I go to school with Y/N and we were just working on a project" despite his attempts at sounding confident, you could sense the panic in Billy's voice. You heard the door slam and in the matter of seconds your father was standing right next to you.

"So that's how it's gonna be huh?" he asked, making your whole body tremble. "Now you're gonna start bringing boys over to my house, like a fucking slut" he grabbed your arm and you shook your head.

"No dad, I'm sorry. We were just working on a project" your voice was just as shaky as your figure.

"You might be dumb but I'm not" his words were filled with disgust. "If there was anything in that head if yours you'd know better than to fucking lie to me" his grip on your arms was becoming stronger and you closed your eyes in pain.

"I'm so sorry dad" you shook your head.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you" he yelled. "I bet if fucking excites you, doesn't it? That a boy even wants to look at you" your eyes filled with tears as he spoke. "But you know better than that don't you? Just look at yourself. No one would ever want a bitch like you" you sobbed at his words, knowing it would make him even more mad but unable to stop yourself from crying any longer.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" you wept and shut your eyes again.

"What did I fucking say about looking at me?" he shouted and released one of your arms just to slap you across your left cheek.

"Let her go sir" Billy spoke, catching your dad's attention. He was scared to makes matters worse for you but he really couldn't wait to see you in pain again.

"Excuse me?" your father let go of you, walking towards Billy. "You're gonna tell me what to do now? In my own house?" you saw fury in his eyes.

"I think you went a little too far sir" Billy stood tall, seemingly confident. He looked over at you, motioning to his keys laying on the couch. You shook your head. You wasn't going to leave him alone.

Your dad pushed him against the wall and you let out a scream. Billy's facial expression didn't change.

"What now pretty boy? Would be a shame if someone messed up that face of yours huh?" he swung his arm hitting Billy right in the cheekbone. Then another one in the stomach.

"Leave him alone!" you ran towards them, trying to get him off Billy but he pushed you away and into the bookshelf, making your hit your head.

"Y/N get into the car" Hargrove hissed through his teeth but you saw your dad get ready for another punch. Your head was spinning slightly as you reached for the vase on the coffee table.

"Let go of him" you positioned yourself behind them with a secure grip on the glass vessel. Billy's eyes widened as he realized what you were about to do. Your dad didn't even acknowledge your words, delievering another punch to his face. You swung your arm, the hit landing in the back of his head as the vase shattered into pieces.

"You piece of shit" he mumbled turning to hit you. Hou dogded him, making him lose balance and Billy pushed him into the coffee table. Before he could ever think about getting up you ran out, clutching Billy's keys in one hand and his keys in the other.

You quickly got him into the passanger seat, running over to the other side. You saw your dad in the door as you drove away.

You didn't know where you were going but you needed to get away. You drove and drove before finally stopping at a random gas station, at least 20 miles outside Hawkins.

You looked over to Billy to see him scanning your figure, his eyelids heavy from the blows he took to the head. There was a cut on his cheekbone and his bottom lip was busted, other bruises already forming on his face.

"I'm so sorry Billy. I'm gonna clean you up. I'm so sorry" he reached over the took your hand in his.

"It's okay. It's not your fault" he rubbed your knuckles reassuringly. "I probably made it worse for you, didn't I?" you saw guilt in his eyes and you just shook your head. Never letting go of his hand, you reached for the first aid kit.

"I think I'm gonna talk to Hopper" you announced, a gas station hot dog in your hand.

"Really?" Billy didn't expect to hear that from you.

"Yeah. I don't want to keep going through it anymore" you admitted and he nodded "And now that he also hurt you" you hesitated before intertwining your fingers with his. "I don't want him to do something to you."

"I think it's a good idea" he gave you a small smile. "I'll go with you."

"Really?" you said hopefully. You wouldn't ask him to do it but you knew it would be much easier with him by your side.

"Of course. You don't have to do this alone anymore".

~

~

~

US domestic abuse hotline is 1-800-799-7233

The link for domestic violence hotlines in the different parts of the EU is here.

[neeterloveschenford]

Thoughts on RNM 2x08

Another episode down. There was some good stuff in this one. There was also some not so good stuff. (I think I’m seeing a trend here.) Anyhoo, let’s dive right in, shall we?!?

Things I Liked:

First things first, was anyone really surprised that Sanders was Walt? Or how about Agent Grace Powell being Charlie? Nice try Carina.

Rosa and the girls playing dress up was great. Loved her hair! Also loved that she picked the worst possible outfit. That’s my girl!

Loved her whole arc this episode. Her imagining her new friend and then realizing that that is how she could have turned out if only she hadn’t died was heartbreaking. I truly hope she is able to figure things out in rehab this time and become that person.

I liked Charlie. When she was talking to Liz and totally dragging Max, she won my heart forever. I mean, I think she’s wrong and Liz is right for wanting both science and love, but haha she called Max stupid! Also, she totally designed that smart  bomb. Hope we haven’t seen the last of her.

I want to know more about Tripp. Who killed him? Was it Nora? The alien that could give tumors? Flamethrower guy? Louise? I need to know. I’d like to see that and young Jesse. I think it’d be cool to see how he turned into who he is now.

Isobel and Maria snarking at each other is always worth the price of admission. I still think Isobel is too good for Maria, but I would not be opposed to them eventually getting together. I mean, Maria has a lot of work to do to redeem herself in my eyes. But come on, “Hey Girlfriend!” Foreshadowing much?

I can’t wait to hear what Sanders has to say about what happened when he was a little boy. I truly think he has spent all these years trying to look out for Michael without getting too attached. Obviously, he’s failed miserably. How could you not get attached to Michael?

So Deep Sky is behind the abductions. I need to know more about them. Also, did Jesse once work for them? Is that how he knows so much about them? Or maybe they were part of a rival government agency? Perhaps they took over Project Shepherd when it was “shut down” back in 2010.

Jenna going into “cop” mode when she was talking about her abduction, then breaking down when talking about a tox screen and rape kit just broke my heart. She deserves the world. 

So Forrest. He made my baby Alex smile real big. He’s ok in my book. Interesting that he was in the military though. Don’t think that’s a coincidence. It may be that he has something to do with Deep Sky. Hopefully not. Alex deserves to have his own simple uncomplicated relationship. Either way, if he helps Alex come into his own, I am down for it. 

Things I Didn’t Like:

Enthusiastic consent has always been a huge thing on this show. Where the heck was it two episodes ago? Hmmmm? (Still salty, I admit it.)

They talked about him, but it sure would have been nice to see Kyle at the hospital supporting his sister. Lame.

So Maria’s intuition was through the roof last season. Mayhaps you should have listened to it? I’m just saying……

Why didn’t Max just pull the lever on the circuit box? Wouldn’t that have been easier and faster? Also, less stress on your heart dude.

Why can’t we see Alex interact with his supposed best friend Liz? We hardly ever see him with her. I think the last time we actually saw and in person conversation with them was the whole left nice in the middle east speech from last season. 

I need to see Rosa and Alex together. That would be fantastic.

Does Jesse think he’s fooling anyone other than, apparently, Max?

No jealous Michael yet.

Speaking of, no Malex this episode. (BOO!)

Miluca just annoys me. No chemistry. At all. And I don’t like how desperate Michael is to be the perfect boyfriend. Ugh. They just suck so bad. Will this nightmare ever end?!?

Random Thoughts and Speculations:

I need Maria to see a vision of Michael and Alex happy together in the future. Maybe then she would understand their cosmic connection.

Still think we’ll get some kind of “Dark Maria.” I think the necklace keeps them from losing control of their powers. I think she also has the ability to influence emotions. That’s how she was able to manipulate them in episode 6.

Wonder if Charlie is trans too? Would be really interesting if she was.

Once again we are down an episode. I’m kinda excited since it is believed Maria won’t be in the next ep. I need a break. Also, jealous Michael. I need this with every fiber of my being and I need Alex to call him out on it. I hope everyone is doing great and staying safe. Take it from an essential employee, socially distance yourselves! Take care of yourselves my lovelies! Till next time!

[xoexoxhoe]

Come Over (Part 5)

Song Mingi (Ateez) & Y/N

And so it continues... 

A month had passed since you and Mingi were informed of your miscarriage. To say that it broke you would be an understatement; it made you question every decision you’ve ever made in your life leading up to that fateful day. You felt your relationship cracking under pressure, and Mingi wasn’t the one at fault. His arms were always there to support you, but you made no effort to run to them. Distancing yourself was your only defense, telling him you were just reflecting and trying to better yourself internally, when really, you were tearing down your walls only to build them higher than before.

Mingi would rest his head against the bathroom door as you sobbed in the shower, begging you to open it, to let him in, let him take care of you; but you refused each time.

“I’m fine, Mingi. I promise.” You’d sit in the tub, the water hitting you from above unable to cleanse your thoughts.

“Baby, please let me in.” You could hear the agony in his voice.

“I’ll be out in five minutes.” That was a lie. Sometimes you just ended up filling the tub, sitting in the water, staring at the ceiling for an hour. Whether it was 6:00 pm or 2:30 am, Mingi would always wait for you. If you stayed in your bathroom fortress till dawn, you’d exit to find Mingi sleeping with his back against the wall next to the bathroom door, making your tears fall even more when you’d walk to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for him and his lunch to take to work. You’d caress his face and leave a peck on his cheek as he began to open his eyes, seeing you loom over him. He’d put a hand on your leg, beginning to push himself off of the floor. He’d try to reach for you to give you a hug, but you just took his hands and kissed them, walking to your bedroom to get yourself ready for work as well. When walking to the subway, you’d normally hold hands with Mingi, but the times have changed even for subtle things such as that.

One night before bed, Mingi laid next to you, holding you tightly, cherishing the fact that you actually craved his touch for the first time in a long time. He didn’t press any questions on to you, instead he just kissed you repeatedly on your cheek, your neck, and your back. You still felt tears well in the corners of your eyes. Mingi gulped, “I have to tell you something, Y/N. I don’t expect you to say anything right away, but just listen.” You nodded your head, and Mingi continued. “I got offered the job in Korea again. They told me I could finish up my masters, and I can be head of their editorial firm at the university. This time… it’s a lot better than when we graduated.” He felt your body tense against his, “I… I’m thinking of taking it. I’ve been thinking that it’s a much needed change-”

You rolled away from his touch, “And what? You were just thinking of leaving me here? What happened to staying, Mingi?” your eyes were burning now, mind racing.

“I don’t wanna leave you, Y/N. That’s why I’m telling you-”

You scoffed, turning over to look him in the eyes, “Telling me what? That you’re gonna go to Korea, get the degree, be successful without me? I’ve heard this story before. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“Maybe because you’ve never been willing to talk? You never let me say anything-”

You cut him off, “My opinion doesn’t matter, I can tell it’s invalid. Just- just do it, Mingi. I know you want it, so just take it.”

Mingi sat up, frustrated, “Y/N, honey, you have to talk to me, tell me what you think. I’m in the dark and you’re shutting me out.”

You shot up as well, anger coursing through your veins, “You have no idea what happened, Mingi!”

He raised his voice, tears streaming down his face this time, “Yes, I do! I see you struggling, hating yourself each and every day for something that happened to you, but you’ve forgotten that it’s you and me, baby. I’m here! I’ve been here.” Mingi stood from the bed, hitting the bathroom door with his palm causing you to jump, “You’ve been hiding from me behind your walls, locking me out- I’m helpless, Y/N. You’ve left me defenseless in a war I could never win in the first place because you won’t let me have a chance to fight with you.”

You couldn’t cry anymore, it was as if Mingi began to shed the tears you no longer possessed. You felt sorrow seeping off of him as he came to your side of the bed, crumpling to the floor, placing his head in your lap, his voice shaky, “I- I see you, Y/N. Our baby may not be here, but I am.” he looked up to take your hand, “Why do you think I’ve been working such late nights? Staying up trying to finish my projects- all for you, Y/N. For us. I’ve been saving money to prepare for this move, and I wanna be doing this with you. I made you a promise that I’m not leaving you, and I don’t intend on breaking it.”

You were at a loss for words; angry at Mingi for not telling you this sooner, angry at yourself for being so impossible and for not seeing the signs earlier- you were angry. But you were also disappointed at the fact that the one person who loved you with everything he had was the very one you pushed away.

You bent your head to kiss his forehead, “Mingi, look at me, baby.” he lifted his head, his eyes red and his face soaked with tears, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry, Mingi. You didn’t deserve this.”

He leaned into your palm on his face, “We didn’t deserve this; no one does. But… will you consider what I said? We can start over, Y/N. My parents are there, they can help us with our children- with anything we need.”

Your breathing hitched at the mentioning of children. You weren’t even married, you didn’t want another child, at least not anytime soon, “What about my career, Mingi? I can’t leave… I’m established. But- you should take the job. I’ll meet you in Korea when I’m ready.”

His eyes searched your face for any hint that you’d give into him, but he found nothing. “Why don’t you want to come with me?”

“I want to come with you, Mingi, but I can’t right now. I have to stay at least to finish my projects, close the publishing deals my team started for this year.” You brushed back his hair; his beautiful black hair that you’ve always loved since the moment you met him. “I’m so proud of you, baby.”

You felt your heart sink, knowing that you probably wouldn’t consider moving to Korea, even if it meant being with the love of your life, but you couldn’t stop Mingi again, not after doing that to him once already. Deep down, you knew this separation would either make or break you both, but you were willing to risk it all in this moment to try for him. You made love with each other that night, letting yourself release all of your apprehension with each riveting kiss.

Links to previous parts of the series! Enjoy! (To be continued...)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

[magpiemi]

✧･ﾟ*  HOOKED ON A FEELING  *･ﾟ✧

i always think of you before i fall asleep, the words you said, the way you looked. the things we laughed about, the silent moments we shared. and when i dream, i’ll dream of you. because it’s about you. it’s always about you. 

one, midnight.

i. LEAVE A LIGHT ON ( ACOUSTIC ) / TOM WALKER

tell me what's been happening, what's been on your mind. lately you've been searching for a darker place to hide, that's alright. but if you carry on abusing, you'll be robbed from us. I refuse to lose another friend to drugs. just come home, don't let go. 

( 💌 ) please. I know I’ve sent over twenty texts but please... just reply. please let me know you’re okay. your grandma said you weren’t home. where are you? come home. come to mine. come to me. please.                 DELIVERED 2:33 AM ✔️

ii. BLACKOUT / FREYA RIDINGS

if you would've just let me in, who knows what could've been? they tell me to forget, but I don't want to. your face is all I seem to see. how can I blackout you?

( 💌 ) I can’t stop worrying about you                 SAVE TO DRAFTS? NO ( 💌 ) let me in. I know you’re home, I can see your light on. you don’t have to do this alone. I’m always here. let me take care of you.                CAS IS TYPING...

iii. HUMAN / DODIE FEAT. TOM WALKER 

I want to give you your grin. so tell me you can't bear a room that I'm not in. paint me in trust, I'll be your best friend. call me the one. this night just can't end. 

( 📞 ) “you can’t call me your best friend for the first time over text, asshole! I want to hear you say it out lo—”                DISCONNECTED ❌

iv. LET YOU LOVE ME ( ACOUSTIC ) / RITA ORA 

I should've stayed with you last night instead of going out to find trouble. that's just trouble (yeah). I think I run away sometimes, whenever I get too vulnerable. that's not your fault. 

( 💌 ) are you pushing me away? am I too annoying? don’t you want to spend time with me anymore? why do you always stand me up...                SAVE TO DRAFTS? NO 

v. SOS ( ACOUSTIC ) / COREY GRAY 

can you hear me? s.o.s. help me put my mind to rest. 

( 📞 ) “just talk to me, cas. keep talking to me while I come to you. don’t disappear on me or I swear to god...”                ACCEPT VIDEO CALL? YES 

two, dawn.

i. ONE / LEWIS CAPALDI 

you don't know what you got till it's gone, know when it's right till it's wrong. in search of perfect when you had it with you all along. you broke her heart down with ease. now I'm pickin' up every piece. you must be so hard to please. 

( 💌 ) I’m so glad I told you about everything — about seulgi, about my dad, about how I felt. you always seem to have the right words to make everything better. I always thought he loved me and even when I didn’t, a part of me still couldn’t accept it. you have no idea how much it meant to hear it from someone else. from you. thank you. goodnight, cas. sleep well ❤️                DELIVERED 1:56 AM ✔️

ii. DON’T DESERVE YOU / PLUMB 

I don't deserve your love, but you give it to me anyway. can't get enough, you're everything I need. and when I walk away, take off running and come right after me. it's what you do, and I don't deserve you. 

( 📞 ) “sounds like a shitty day... wanna get pizza and watch a movie? today doesn’t have to be all bad, you know. what do you want? I’ll order while you ride over here. safely. don’t you dare go fast or get distracted.”                  CALL DURATION: 23 MINUTES

iii. BROKEN / JESS GLYNNE

you always have the words that never let me down, let me down. always make me laugh somehow. you tell me don't worry when I've done wrong. it's something that I'll never know; how you can love someone so broken, so right? 'cause all I ever wanted was a little bit of paradise.

( 📞 ) “you know you’re not as bad as you seem to think you are, right? you think I don’t know you help the elderly cross the street and I bet you even save kittens, too. you can’t fool me. don’t give me none of this ‘bad to be around’ shit; we’ve been over this, cas. I’m right beside you, no matter what.”                 VIDEO CALL DURATION: 1 HOUR, 6 MINUTES

iv. HERE WITH ME ( ACOUSTIC ) / DANIEL ROBINSON

can I tell you something just between you and me? when I hear your voice, I know I'm finally free. every single word is perfect as it can be and I need you here with me. when you lift me up, I know that I'll never fall. I can speak to you by saying nothing at all. every single time, I find it harder to breathe, 'cause I need you here with me. 

( 💌 ) are you busy? can you call me? I’m sorry I’m a pain. I had a nightmare... don’t come over. it’s too late and too far, but... I need you.                BIG BIRD IS CALLING... 📞

v. INTERTWINED / DODIE 

skin, heat, hair in your mouth. feet touching feet. oh, you and I, safe from the world, though the world will try. oh, I'm afraid of the things in my brain, but we can stay here and laugh away the fear. 

( 💌 ) when you’re with me, I feel like I can take on the world.                 BAD BOI IS TYPING... 

vi. SAY YOU WON’T LET GO / CHLARA

I met you in the dark, you lit me up. you made me feel as though I was enough. we danced the night away, we drank too much. I held your hair back when you were throwing up.

( 📞 ) “hey. this is... a voicemail. you’re asleep in the next room but I want you to hear this when you wake up before you think about leaving or... feeling bad. I’d do this a million times over to know you’re safe. the only hard part of this for me is seeing the sadness in your eyes but the joy when it’s all over... it’s so worth it. so don’t you dare worry about me. you’re everything I need. I hope you slept well. your snores give me the impression that you are, but... heh. see you soon.”                 DISCONNECTED ❌

vii. WALK IN THE SUN / MCFLY 

I wonder what it's like to fly so high, or to breathe under the sea. I wonder if some day I'll be good with goodbyes. but I'll be okay if you come along with me. 

( 💌 ) if you went away, would you take me with you?                 L(OSER)OML IS CALLING... 📞

viii. TIGHTROPE / MICHELLE WILLIAMS 

hand in my hand and we promised to never let go. we're walking the tightrope. high in the sky, we can see the whole world down below. we're walking the tightrope. never sure, never know how far we could fall. but it's all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view. walking the tightrope. 

( 💌 ) are you doing it? are you looking at the stars? aren’t they pretty? next time we can’t sleep, we should go out on your bike somewhere quiet and watch the stars. is that okay? is it too much?                DELIVERED 2:07 AM ✔️

ix. DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF / NATALIE & BEN WOODWARD

don't be so hard on yourself, no. learn to forgive, learn to let go. everyone trips, everyone falls. so don't be so hard on yourself, no. 

( 📞 ) “you always tell me all the shit I went through wasn’t my fault, so when are you going to see that yours wasn’t your fault either? what happened with your family... that’s not on you, cas. just like mine. we both have to learn to be kinder to ourselves. you taught me that.”                 CALL DURATION: 1 HOUR, 37 MINUTES 

x. HERE COMES THE SUN / JACOB COLLIER FEAT. DODIE

little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting. little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear. here comes the sun. here comes the sun, and I say it's all right. 

( 💌 ) my heart skips a beat when you call me sunshine.                SAVE TO DRAFTS? YES

three, daylight.

i. WOULD YOU BE SO KIND / DODIE 

oh would you be so kind, as to fall in love with me, you see, I'm trying. I know you know that I like you, but that's not enough. so if you will, please fall in love. I think it's only fair, there's gotta be some butterflies somewhere. wanna share? 'cause I like you, but that's not enough. so if you will, please fall in love with me.

( 💌 ) when are you going to fall in love with me, huh? asshole...                 DELIVERED 7:18 PM ✔️                PHONE SHUTTING DOWN... ARE YOU SURE? YES 

ii. KISS ME ( LIVE ACOUSTIC ) / THE MACARONS PROJECT 

kiss me out of the bearded barley. nightly, beside the green, green grass. swing, swing, swing the spinning step. you'll wear those shoes and I will wear that dress. 

( 📞 ) “did you really mean it? about my first kiss? you’re sure it’s not weird that I haven’t had it yet? isn’t it corny wanting to wait for the right guy?”                ACCEPT VIDEO CALL? YES 

iii. I DON’T CARE ( ACOUSTIC ) / ED SHEERAN 

'cause I don't care when I'm with my baby, yeah. all the bad things disappear and you're making me feel like maybe I am somebody. I can deal with the bad nights when I'm with my baby, yeah. 

( 📞 ) “well, of course I make you happy. I’m me. but... hearing it makes me happy, too. I was always so trapped, but you make me feel free. it’s good to know that you feel the same.”                CALL DURATION: 57 MINUTES

iv. NEVER SEEN ANYTHING “QUITE LIKE YOU” ( ACOUSTIC ) / THE SCRIPT 

when it's right it's more than right, ‘cause you feel it more than feel. I could take this moment now right into the grave with me. 

( 💌 ) I know we did... basically nothing all day but... today was perfect. more than perfect. thank you ❤️               SWEETER THAN HONEY IS CALLING... 📞

v. ALL MY LOVE / GEORGE EZRA

all my love is yours. all my time is ours. all my reckless dreams and all my restless hours. no matter where you go, baby, I'll be there. no matter where you go, baby, I'll be there, I'll be there.

( 💌 ) so about that summer wedding...                BEACH BABE IS TYPING...

vi. I REALLY LIKE YOU / CARLY RAE JEPSEN

who gave you eyes like that, said you could keep them? I don’t know how to act or if I should be leavin'. I'm running outta time, going outta my mind. I need to tell you something, yeah, I need to tell you something, yeah. I really really really really really really like you, and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?

( 💌 ) I really!!! like you!!! really like!!! I want to marry you one day kind of like!!! and I don’t know how much longer I can hold it in!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! please kill or kiss me!!! I don’t mind either way!!!!!!!!                SAVE TO DRAFTS? YES

vii. I BELIEVE / JONAS BROTHERS

every night, every day, how about every lifetime? yeah, I know what they say, and that's fine. 'cause I'm here to stay through the good and the bad times. babe, you send me to space and you're mine, yeah. 

( 📞 ) “you and me? forever? you’re sure? you know that means you’re stuck with me, right? no matter what? you definitely want that?”                 CALL DURATION: 2 HOURS, 14 MINUTES

viii. ALL ABOUT YOU / MCFLY 

yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew. so I told you with a smile its all about you. then you whispered in my ear and you told me, too. said you made my life worthwhile, it’s all about you. 

( 📞 ) “why are you laughing? it’s just a question! what if you have other girls you want to spend time with! I m-mean— other friends!”                ACCEPT VIDEO CALL? YES 

ix. ANYWHERE WITH YOU IS HOME / KHS, SAM TSUI & ALYSON STONER 

oh and I'll go wherever the wind blows, just as long as you are by my side. and I'll be wherever this road leads, just as long as you are here tonight. anywhere with you is home.

( 💌 ) you would? you’d take me with you? just say the word. where do you want to go first?                 MR WORLDWIDE 🌍 IS TYPING... 

x. ABSOLUTELY SMITTEN / DODIE 

did you just whisper in her ear? words she only dreamed to hear? pretty lady, look at how he's smiling, I think he likes you! and it's too late, you believe in fate, you're absolutely smitten, you'll never let her go.

( 📞 ) “yeah, I’m smitten with you. so what? it’s not like you can blame me. hang on, someone’s at the door... who’s knocking at this time of ni— cas?”                DISCONNECTED ❌

[idonthavehusbandsihavelovers]

Love Wasn’t in The Plan - Part 8 (Sweet Pea / OC)

Riverdale AU

Chapter Summary – Tension have been running high all week, and it’s about to boil over, all their lives are about to change when Angel secret is accidentally exposed.

Pairing – Sweet Pea / OC

Warning – Swearing, Sensitive subject, mention of rape & miscarriage, lots of angst (Read with caution) 

Author Notes – Again this story is a little different from the show storyline so that I could fit my character in, I also made it that Kevin turn the Black and Gold into a radio show to fit this part of the story.

Song used is “Will you still love me tomorrow” sung by Juris.

I want to thank you for your likes, comments and re-blogs they mean the world to me and help me keep writing.    

Story Summary & Preview , Part 1 ,  Part 2 Preview , Part 2 ,

Part 3 Preview , Part 3 ,  Part 4 Preview , Part 4 , Part 5 Preview , Part 5 ,

Part 6 Preview , Part 6 , Part 7 Preview , Part 7 , Part 8 Preview

Chapter 8 – And it all fell down.

It has been a week from hell and Angel didn’t know how much more of this she can take, she was an emotional mess. Still angry at her friends for going behind her back, tired from the nightmare that was coming out in full force, which led to her waking up crying every morning and complete emptiness from trying to stay away from Sweet Pea. Which got harder every time she saw him.

She was walking into school when suddenly a hand grabbed her arms and pulled her into an empty classroom. She was about to tell them off for first scaring her and pulling her around, till she looked up to see an angry Sweet Pea.

“Why are you avoiding me, Princess?”

She would have walked away if he hadn’t trapped her against the wall, she looks at him for a while, he looks as bad as her, dark circles were forming under his eye. Against her better judgement, without really thinking, she reaches up and cups his face, stroking her thumb against his cheek.

He lent into it for a moment enjoying her touch for the first time in a week, he missed more then he would like to admit. After a few moments, he gives her a look that said stop avoiding the question and answer. She dropped her hand, much to Sweet Pea dismay and turned away avoiding eye contact knowing he could tell when she is lying if he could see her face.

“I’m not, I’ve just been swamped with school and Tommy project.”

Sweet Pea let out a huff “Bullshit Angel, so busy too even send a single text.”

She shrugs and turns back to look at him, blankly. “I don’t know what you want me to say Sweet Pea, I told you why, if you believe me or not isn’t my problem.”

Pushing past him and storming out the classroom, leaving a frustrated Sweet Pea in her wake.

(A few hours later)

Angel was sitting in the student lounge, with her earphone in, trying and failing to concentrate on her homework, she felt like a right bitch, Sweet Pea didn’t deserve this, but she couldn’t think of any other option. The more she thought about it, the angrier and frustrated she got. Unfortunately, her so-called friends walked into the room laughing, which pissed her off even more.

“Hey A, what you are working on?” Veronica asked cheerfully.

Angel slammed her book shut, which made the group jump slightly and looked at her confused. They had noticed she been in a bad mood all week, every little thing they said or did seemed to irritate her.

“Angel, what’s wrong? You’ve been funny all week, even dad said you snapped at him the other day in the diner, come on you can tell us, what are friends for?”

She looked at Jughead shocked, she felt her angrier grow at his words, nodding, packing her bag and stands up. “I don’t know Jughead, what are friends for?, how about digging into another friend past when said friend asked them to drop it, is that what friends are for Jughead.”

She looks around at her friends, who all looked guilty, so they were all in on this betrayal. She laughed and closed her eyes “Seriously all of you, so it wasn’t just Jughead, Betty and Kevin invading my privacy.”

“It wasn’t like that Angel.” Betty tried to defend their action, but Angel wasn’t in the mood to play nice.

“How Betty, wasn’t it invading my privacy, you all went behind my back after I asked you to leave it alone, you talked to my friends, interrogate them actually. All because I wouldn’t share one secret with you and did you really think I wasn’t going to find out?”

Angel could feel herself beginning to tearing up, Archie instinctively steps forward, hand starched, but Angel stepped back putting her hands up stopping him. “No don’t touch me, I need to know why, why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”

“We are still worried about you Angel, and we’re the ones that know you best, so we knew something serious had happened in New York, I’m sorry we can’t just let it go.”

Angel was silent for a little moment, then shocked everyone when she burst out laughing, after a few minutes she calmed down and looked at them “You know me best, really.”

They all nodded unsure, where she was going with this, Angel turned around, picked up her bag and throws it over her shoulder. Turn back to them “Ok then, if you all know me so well, who was the first guy I ever fell in love with? The first guy I had a crush on?”

The group was stumped, Angel chucked again. “Thought so, none of you really know anything about me. That’s because you are so wrapped up in your own bullshit to see what going on around you when it doesn’t involve you, well except when there’s a  mystery to solve, sorry mystery Inc. but this is my last warning stay out of it, or we’re done.”

She storms out before any of them could answer her back, they stood there looking at each other and realising she had a point, they didn’t really know her anymore.

(Later on in the Student Lounge)

Everyone was in the lounge Reggie was sitting with Josie, Veronica and Archie, who were filling them in on Angel little outburst, they were trying to make Archie feel better, but nothing they say seems to help.

It wasn’t much better at the other table Cheryl, Toni and Fangs were looking between Betty, Jughead and Sweet Pea who looked like hell.

“Well, this is a fun table,” Cheryl said under her breath, Toni gave her a look as to say, please shut up, Cheryl rolled her eyes and went to get a drink from the vending machine. When the speaker in the room, went off and Angels and Kevin’s voice came through.

(A few moments before in Black & Gold)

Angel walked into the Black & Gold looking for Kevin, even though she was angry with him for his part in the plot in digging into her past. However right now, as she felt her life was falling apart around her and she needs her best friend. He wasn’t here yet, Angel looked around at all the radio equipment. She still couldn’t believe that he convinced Principal Weatherbee to turn the paper into a radio station for the students.

Angel was messing around with some the nobs on the control for a little while not noticing she turn the speaker on so the student Lounge can hear her. She turned around a saw a keyboard the music teacher must have left in the room. She turned it on and started playing.

Tonight you're mine completely You give your love so sweetly Tonight the light of love is in your eyes But will you love me tomorrow? Is this a lasting treasure Or just a moment's pleasure? Can I believe the magic of your sighs? Will you still love me tomorrow? Tonight with words unspoken You say that I'm the only one But will my heart be broken When the night meets the morning sun? I'd like to know that your love Is love I can be sure of So tell me now, and I won't ask again Will you still love me tomorrow? So tell me now, and I won't ask again Will you still love me tomorrow? Will you still love me tomorrow? Will you still love me?

“Is that for Sweet Pea, is he the other reason you’ve been in a horrible mood all week?” She turned to look at Kevin who came to sit in front of her, she let out a sigh.

“It wasn’t in the plan.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow at her, “What wasn’t, little one?”

She felt the tears coming again, he grabs her hand, she gives him a sad smile and says “falling in love, Sweet Pea and Me, we were meant to be some fun, an escape, from the roles this town has put us in. I didn’t want to fall in love Kev, I can’t fall in love, not now, not ever.”

“Why can’t you? Is because you don’t think he will love you back. Angel it clear for those who know about the pair of you, that boy love you too, I see it when he looks at you, in class or on the corridor, when you’re not looking and he gave you his dog tags which according to Fangs are important to him. So why won’t you let him in.” Kevin knew he was pushing her, but this secret was slowly killing his best friend, which hurt him.

“Because I’m broken, and it wouldn’t be fair to him when I can’t give him all of me.” Her voice broke as she said it. Kevin grabbed her hand tighter, “You not broken Angel.” She shook her head “I am Kevin, I’ve been broken, since…”

“Since New York.” Kevin finished her sentence, he let out a sigh, “why can’t you tell me what happened, Angel, we’ve never had secrets before, please trust me.”

Angel wipe her face, “I do trust you Kev, but I know if I tell you or the others, what happened you’ll find some way to blame yourselves or look for revenge, and I can’t deal with that.”

Kevin knew he shouldn’t push her, but she was close to telling him the truth. “It just stays between us, I promise Angel, and you know you can trust me, I’ve always kept your secrets from you being in love with Jughead since kindergarten to yours and Sweet Pea's complicated relationship now.”

Angel listened, closing her eye and trying to calm herself down. After a few seconds she opens her eyes again and looks up at his best friend face, looking to see if this was a good idea, but knowing even if it wasn’t she need to tell him, she needs to get this out to at least one of the people she loves the most.

“Ok I’ll tell you, but you’ve got to promise you have to let me finish the entire story no interrupting, ok promise.”

Kevin felt unsure and a little scared, but nodded anyway “I promise.”

Angel nods and takes a deep breath, figuring out where to start, deciding the best place was the beginning.

“Remember when you told me about Betty and Jughead.” Kevin nodded, so she carries on “Well I was devastated like you said I loved Jughead since kindergarten, so it hurt, knowing he would never feel the same. So I wanted to forget about him, even if it was just for one night. Then I remembered my friend Lily telling me, we had been invited to a party at St. Clair’s penthouse. So I went, thinking it would be a good way to let my hair down and forget about Jughead but it turned out to be the worse decision of my life.”

She takes a deep breath, this was hard then she thought.

“St Clair was there...” She looks up Kevin, trying to figure out how to tell him, how to explain without going into great detail. “Did Cheryl or Veronica tell you what he tried to do at my dad party?” He nods a little confused at the question. “Yeah, Cheryl was lucky that Veronica, Josie and the pussycat where there to stop him.”

Angel let out a sad chuckle, looked back down at her lap, “Yeah she was, but unfortunately I wasn’t so lucky.”

Kevin felt sick, hoping she wasn’t saying what he thinks she was saying. “Angel are you saying…”

“That he raped me, yeah.” Kevin felt himself starting to cry, he grabbed hold of her hand “Angel.” She shook her head “You promised, remember no interrupting.” He uses his other hand to wipe his face on his sleeve and nods, indicating her to carry on.

“Like Cheryl, he somehow drugged my drink, so my memory is a bit blurry of exactly what happened that night after he took me to his room but I remember enough that I  still get nightmares, and I don’t want to go into detail, I did that with the therapist.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” He promised he wouldn’t interrupt, but he needed to know.  

She shrugged still refusing to look at him.

“Two reasons, first being, you all were dealing with your own things, you were stressed with your dad dealing with Jason murder and catching his killer. Reggie was dealing with losing his friend and teammate. My dad had problems with his business and Archie sleeping with a teacher, Jughead was dealing with his family falling apart, and Betty was dealing with her recent family drama, and I didn’t want to add to your stress.”

She takes a deep breath and carries on.

“Secondly like I said before you would all find a way to blame yourself somehow. When you couldn’t have known any of it was going to happen and all of you especially Jug, Arch, Reggie, FP and my dad would feel guilty because you couldn’t protect me but it's not something you think will happen to you so how can you protect me from the unknown. I went to a party like any other teenager.”

Kevin nodded sadly, this was so like Angel thinking about them when she was going through hell. She hadn’t finished though, there were more.

“So I decided to deal with it myself, by pushing it to the back of my mind, pretending it didn’t happen and carrying on with my life, avoid any party that involved St Clair and it was working. Till a few months later, when my mum rang to tell me my dad had been shot, she said he was fine and healing, but he and Archie didn’t want me to know because they didn’t want me to quit my scholarship.”

Taking another deep breath, Angel found this part the hardest no matter who much time passes.

“How stupid right, thinking my scholarship was more important than my dad safety. That when I started getting stomach pains and at first I just thought it was due to all the stress, but I was wrong because a few days later I woke in such pain, it felt like I was dying. Tommy rushed me to the hospital after an hour of observation they told me I had a miscarriage and that is what finally broke me, I didn’t know how to feel I was angry at St Clair for putting me in that position. A part of me was relieved that I wasn’t having his baby but a small part of me was sad because it was my baby too.”

“Angelica” Kevin choked back a sob.

“There nothing you can say, Kevin, nothing will ever make it better, I just learnt to live with it until Sweet Pea. He helped without even knowing it, just being with him, felt right. It was instant, from the moment he approached me outside the Whyte Wyrm.”

She looks up and smiles at him a little.

“I can’t explain it Kev, being with him made me feel safe, and at peace for the first time in months, the nightmare stopped, and I didn’t want to lose that but when Tommy said you guys were asking questions. I panicked because I don’t want Sweet Pea finding out, I can handle all most anything, but I couldn’t handle him look at me with pity the same way you're looking at me now. My pride and heart wouldn’t be able to take it, Do you understand?”

He nodded, wiping his eyes and turned around to find a tissue or something, then he froze when he saw the red light on the speaker glowing. “Angel, did you mess with any of these buttons when you came in here?”

She looked confused “Yeah a few, why?”

He turned back to her, his face turned white. “I’m so sorry, Angel?”

She started to feel panic now “Why?”

“You turn the speaker on, everyone in the student lounge can hear us.”

Angel felt sick, her secret was out, and now everyone knew, without thinking she bolted for the door, ignoring Kevin yelling her name. She didn’t stop running till she got to her car and got in, by the time all her friends came running out the building, it was too late she was already driving full speed away from them.

She checked her Rear view mirror once to see Reggie, Archie, Jughead and Sweet Pea chasing after her car, not one of them giving up. For a split second, she wanted to stop seeing how hard they were trying to get to her, but her heart wasn’t ready to face them, so she speeds up, till they finally fell out of view.

She didn’t stop till she passed the sign that said “Leaving Riverdale” she parked her car on the side of the road and finally let out the scream she had been holding in.

Holding herself so she wouldn’t fall apart, what does she do now, they all knew, one stupid mistake messing with something she shouldn’t have, exposed her darkest secrets and now there no way Angel can go home, she couldn’t face them.

So the question is, where does she go and can she ever come back to Riverdale?

Part 9 Preview

I’m sorry for the angst don’t hate me because there’s more to come.

Tag list -  @zoesmama2024 , @mlvgren , @kayleidoscopicworld , @mantleandpea , @kingbouji3 , @randomfanficreader29 , @princess-of-the-fandoms , @babydollcurtis  , @everheart12 , @londonstreetstyleee , @stitchattacks   , @jullamy   , @misskarynie , @superhalsteads , @lolabean1998 , @chicagoblackhawkslover96 , @its-sweetpea , @riverdale-enthusiastt , @lightwoods-look-better-in-black

[gujoonim]

The Boy Who Left  |  02

“You never thought it takes you five years to find those pair of eyes that you were looking for at the aisle on your wedding day. ”

◇ genre : angst // ceo au ◇ summary :  As your eyes staring deeply into your possible client-to-be’s eyes, something crossed your mind, it was that pair of eyes that you were looking for when you being abandoned at the aisle on your wedding day. ◇ pairing : jungkook x reader ◇ words : 4.5k

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Time seems to slow down and somehow you felt like it is beginning to stand still. A feeling of numb creeping steadily along your veins as the surrounding seems to be colder than usual and making every part of your body is unable to move by itself. Your breath started fell out from its normal rhythm as you stared in disbelief of what is right in front of you.

That familiarity of the doe-eyes which is now staring at you, looking completely shocked as well as you are and you still remembered the burning fire in that pair of eyes during your first met. The one that you wish it never left that day. The same pairs of eyes that you were looking for since five years ago in the wedding hall.

But it is long gone since that memorable day. You never wished to find those pair of eyes after you left home. You never hope to meet the owner of the eyes after what had he did to you and seeing him now irritated and annoyed you. And you never thought that you will finally meet those pair of eyes here, in the room that you are supposed to be presenting your hard work, showing your confidence and your ability to convince your future client-to-be that your project is worth for them to invest in.

You are utterly shocked because you never expected everything to turn out to be like this. Not expecting he will be one of the clients that you might have to deal with. Yet his unexpected presence there, crush and destroy all your hope, your expectation, the moment your gaze fell into his eyes.

And that is the moment where you felt like you had been deceived by the fortune teller who claimed that this year will be a great year for you. Full of blissful, joy and happiness throughout the year but meeting with Jungkook is not the happiest thing that you expected it to happen in this year. You do not want to meet him again, never but why the fate is not by your side for this moment.

As all the painful memories began to flood your mind, the tingling sensation slowly crawls into your mind as the feeling of anxiety washed over you. You realized that your hands started to sweat as well as your legs trembling so hard. Your brain is now trying to calm yourself yet you failed to do so as it getting worse. You hate the fact that Jungkook still had such an effect on you after all these years and you do not want him to see that and notice that his presence there would turn you to become a weak person, weaker than usual.

You need to remain calm and act like he is no one, you never knew him. Never crossed your mind and your past history of a person who named Jungkook. You left everything including your family, your past memories when the moment you stepped out from your house, and that’s include of him.

Stay focus, I can do it. I can. Those words keep repeating in your mind as you trying to regain back your composure so you could start your presentation now. Even though you knew the fact that your tear now threatens to fall but you keep convincing to yourself that you are going to make it.

A rough intake of air flows into your nostrils as you wistfully closed your eyes, trying to mask the real feeling and began to gather all your courage’s to present your project. But for now, you just need to ignore his presence there and acted like he never existed there and everything will be okay. Yes, everything will be alright after this.

As you opened back your eyes, you face literally lit up as you are being a new person you are, not Y/n.

*

“Do you have any question regarding our project?” Rose asked the board’s member with a tone of anticipation, expecting some of them to want to seek some information regarding your project. You heaved out a euphoric sigh of relief, as the presentation turned out to be smooth not as what you expected it to be. As they began to voice out their enquiry and you give Rose a chance to speak after a long and crucial fifteen minutes before, you are the one who was presenting the project instead of Rose so for this Q&A session, she would be the one that will conduct the session.

A giant smile springs on your face as your eyes fixated on the elderly woman who is also a board’s member of the company, not wanting to look at others as you do not want to risk yourself, again. The constant burning vibes that lingered around you makes you realized that someone is staring at you from the moment you started the presentation till now and you know his eyes never left you.

And you knew it was him so that you keep plastering the cheerful expression of yours so that he would not know that his stares are making you uncomfortable right now. And the most important is you do not want him to know that it is you, who is standing in front of him even though it is clearly stated on the form, your name yet you just hope he overlooked the information of yours.

You keep reminding yourself to stay calm and pretended that you are someone else so you could prevent any unpredictable accident from happening. A soft nudge from your right side, breaking away yourself from delusion, making you turn your head to face Rose who is raising her eyebrows, giving you a sign that her session is finally over. You slightly nodded and turn away from her, giving all of your attention towards the board’s membership. “So any question left before we ended our presentation now?”

You pressed your lips into a thin line before looking around to scan everyone face for any confusion left on their face and somehow you hope that everyone had finally understood about your project so you can leave the room as soon as possible. Both of you and Rose bowed to the board’s member when one of the board’s members giving you a sign to leave the room. A sigh of relief escape from your mouth before you started to walk away from there yet the happiness that you received does not last long when a deep alluring voice suddenly filled up the room, making both of you stop.

“Why you come back?” A simple and weird question for everyone else in the room but not for you. That simple yet meaningful question was meant to be addressed towards both of you and Rose, but you knew, he is addressing those question towards you, especially for you.

You slowly turned your face towards him as his eyes boring into yours, no expression can be detected on his face. You tightly pursed your lips and your heart starting to tremble inside the ribcage as if everyone in the room can hear the sounds of your heart beating at a manic pace. The air around growing tense as everyone there shut their mouth tightly while staring at both of you who seems lost in each other stares.

And you cannot help yourself from staring at him, with your widened eyes as both of your hands are grasping the hem of your jacket firmly, to control your hand from shaking. Your stares dropped from his hair down to his face and you are observing any slight changes on him. He had changed so much; he looks different. His hair no longer dyed with golden brown colour like he always had before and now the black hair suits him the most with his well-structured face with a sharp jawline and you can even see any glimpse of his baby cheeks as before. He looks thinner and mature since the last time you ever saw him.

His expression caught your eyes as it is unreadable. It is hard for you to read his mind as before so you do not know what the true meaning of his question is. The tone that you heard just now oozing with irritation so is it mean that he hated your presence there? After all, he does not deserve any answer from you because he deserves none after what he had done to you, you can’t simply give up on him.

“Actually, our Mr Jeon want to ask you why did you choose our company instead of others.” The man sitting right next to him suddenly interrupted, rectifying Jungkook’s word when he sensed that the whole room was enveloped in silence and both of you and Rose seems can’t answer his question. You diverting your eyes away, breaking those stares and began to answer the other man’s question. You know that is not what Jungkook meant to ask you. His question is simple and direct and there is no hidden meaning in his question not as being stated by the other man.

He wants to know why you came back after these five years.

“We want to try our luck by interviewing in this company since it’s already been a while from our last project and perhaps by coming here, we might get a chance to broaden our experience and shares and accepting others’ opinion on our project and also improving the lack of our project. That’s all from us. Thank you.”

You respond those words in a rush manner before striding away from there. His question left you in a state of anxiety where you really want to get out from his sight as soon as you can because you, yourself can’t functionally in a stable way since you met him just now.

“How can I make sure you won’t leave again?” His last question resulting you to stop your tracks as you shut tightly your eyes, trying to regain your focus and audacity to face him once again. At this moment, you really wished that other candidate’s project are more interesting from your so you won’t have to meet with him again

Because you want it to be the last time of your meeting with him and you don’t want to associate with him, ever.

You glued an obnoxious smile on your scarlet lips, answering his question before turning your heels away from there. “Our contact number is already there in the form and you can just give us a call anytime if you are interested in our project.”

*

The ride back to your office only filled with the background music blasted from the radio while both of you and Rose keep silence to each other. Rose noticed that your unusual behaviour since both of you left that room but she does not have any guts to start a chat with you since that scowl never left your face. So that is why she decided to just shut off before her attempts at being concerned will make the current situation become worse.

Her eyes fixed on the road, observing the scenery around when she realized that you driving it seems like offbeat. “Y/n? Are you alright?” She asked as worry began to crease on her forehead but she tried to hold back her fears.

No response she gets from you as a sigh of worry escaped her mouth while her fingers fidgeting to each other, afraid of the future outcome that she does not want to face. And when the car started to move out from its actual lane, she quickly holds the steering wheel firmly so it would be strong enough for her to steer the car to the side of the road. Her spontaneous yet dangerous action snapping your back to the reality which makes you stamp on the brakes.

“What is wrong with you, Y/n? You almost pull us into the heaven!”

You are completely stunned as your fingers keep grasping the steering wheel tightly as if you are afraid to let it go. Your mind still battling with itself as you can’t no longer hold your feelings anymore. All the feeling that you were bottled up since this morning finally no longer can hold back itself. The view of your surrounding started to blur as tears springing at the corner of your eyes.

A loud thud followed by soft whimper shook Rose, even more, when she whirls her head to your side to see you already burying your face on the steering wheel.

*

The harsh gust of wind slapping your tear-stained cheeks as your mother striding her ways towards you. You no longer have enough energy to even lift up your eyes, to take a look or glance at your mother. It’s already two-hour passes since that news broke, and it is only been a few minutes since you stop wailing. You knew that even though you are crying a blood tear, Jungkook would never be back.

Your heart clenched in pain of the thought he dares to leave you alone in this situation without even thinking both of your parents’ feelings and definitely yours. You wanted to cry, to let out all the emotions yet the tears already drained and you don’t even know how to express the feelings right now.

A pair of legs stopped in front of you before you could be feeling the warmth radiates from one’s touch as a pair of hand firmly hold your shoulder and it is your mother. “Where is Jungkook? What did you do to him? Why isn’t he here? Why Y/n? I’m so embarrassed now.” Your mother exclaimed as she began to shake your body, demanding the answer for you. It hurt you the most when your mother put all the blame on you and you know she is still defending Jungkook by the way her tone sounds in your ears and the way she treats you.

She fell on her knees while embracing your legs, pulling her face closer and began to cry there. That scene is too disheartening for you as you grabbed a fistful of your dress, trying to withstand the throbbing pain in your heart while hearing your mother’s cries.

The creaks sound of the main door signing that someone is entering the room followed with a deafening sound of someone’s cry and the familiarity of those sound hits your mind, you knew it was his mother’s one. She stomped her feet, running to the direction where you and your mother was. You looked away as you can’t stand looking at both of your loved ones, crying, whimpering and wailing over this matter.

When you catch a glimpse of Junghyun at the corner of your eyes, your head shot up instantly, making a way towards him in a rush pace. You brushed past everyone there, stretched out your hands to hold him, to get any news about his missing brother. Some news that you want to hear, that might soothes your feelings right now. “Did you find him? Where is him? Where’s Jungkook? Is he here right? He promises to me he will stay.”

You wiped away all the unseen tears on your cheeks, ignoring the sympathize look that he gave to you while bombarding him with tons of question-related to Jungkook. Yet you only get a silence as a response to your confusion as he pinned down his head on the floor, does not have any guts to face the girl that his beloved brother had put into a vain.

“Where is he now?” You stammered, trying to regain enough energy to stay conscious till he came back yet your energy is draining to the point where you could no longer support your body to stand. You clutched your chest to reduce the pain that you felt before slowly leaning towards him and in a sudden, everything around your turned black.

*

It’s already been two weeks since you had been ditched by Jungkook on your wedding day and till now, you received nothing from him, no news about him and no one knows his whereabouts. You stayed at the same place since then, at your balcony, facing his room because somehow you hope that suddenly his room light up indicates that he is back and perhaps he will tell you, explained to you why he did that.

You knew even though he hated you, he would never do this to you. Your Jungkook would not do something without having any reason behind it so that you are waiting for his comeback, even though it takes days, months or even years, you are willing to wait for him like you always does.

“Y/n.” A silvery tone of voice calling for you, pulling you back to reality and makes you whirl yourself to face the owner of the voice. There is your mother, standing at the door as her lips grazed by a small smile, gazing at you lovingly. Her presence there brushed away all the darkness in your room as a cheerful look that plastered on her face is enough to illuminate the light there.

Your gaze softened at the sight of her, pulling your lips into a smile. You are grateful that your mother finally moved on from that incident even you are not. For you, it is enough if she gets over it because you don’t want to see any despair on her face like the weeks before and it will make everything around you to turn sullen. At least, she is slightly happier compared to last week, it would be more than enough for you.

“Can you accompany me to the store?”

*

You just followed your mother’s trails as she chooses some groceries. Looking around the store, your eyes catch a glance at the section of milk, making you stop on the tracks as you mother is walking away from you. You grabbed the milk from the usual brand you usually pick one before wandering around to search for your mother’s figure.

You pressed your lips into a thin line as you figured out that your mother is nowhere to be seen and you decided to walk away from there so the chances to find your mother is higher. It’s only been a few seconds since you are pacing away from there when you see your mother is standing behind the rack.

You take slow steps towards her and as you are moving closer to her, you noticed that her fingers are curling into a fist as she firmly grasping her pants while standing there, doing nothing. It makes your confusion to grow as she seems like not picking anything there yet just standing by the rack of wine.

As the confusion started to grow bigger than before, you stepped closer to find out what makes your mother behaving like that until your ear catches a soft mumbles came from the other side yet audible enough for you and your mother to hear a conversation.

“It’s her. I remembered her face.”

“How can she still stay here after everything that happened?”

“They said she was cheating on him, that’s why he left on the wedding day after he finds out about that.”

“No wonders. So she really deserved that.”

Your heart is now clenching in pain, your face was crestfallen as soon you figured out what makes your mother so furious. You are now the main topic for everyone in the town to talk.

Your eyes meet your mother’s as her one filled with warmth and comforting look the moment she realized you were there, hearing all those nonsenses.

*

You took out the last plastic bag from the car as you told your mother that you would lift everything out and she should take a rest. You are now climbing up the flight of stairs, making a way towards your room when you heard a soft weep coming from your mother’s room. You knew she was crying because of those incidents just now and suddenly your sister’s voice grabbed your attention and making you eavesdrop their conversation.

“I’m so frustrated mom. Everyone in the school talked about the same things again and again. They are making fun of it and some of them insulted me. I don’t think I could stand any longer.”

You cursed at those people who make fun of your sister. It isn’t her fault even she relates to you but she does not deserve all that unfair treatment and neither do you. You dreadfully dragged your body away from there as your eyes are now glassy with tears and your lips are quivering. You leaned your back against the door and instantly slid down the moment you closed and lock it.

You suck in a deep breath before letting it go along with your emotions. You cried again, as the tears that you have holding for a long time finally burst out from your eyes.

Your family does not deserve to be treated like this. It wasn’t their fault at all and it wasn’t yours. At this moments, you felt yourself at the lowest point where you wished that you were never born in this world. You wished that Jungkook never existed in your life and speaking about him, you are getting tired of waiting for someone that no one even knows where he is right now. You are exhausted from being too kind, courteous, understanding person. You don’t want to feel everything like this anymore.

You don’t want to be the sole reason for your parents’ sorrowful and misery life.

You are determined to end everything tonight. You really do.

*

You peeked through your door, looking for anyone that might be a hindrance for you to accomplish your goal and as you found the line is clear for you to implement your objective, you tiptoed quietly and slowly from your room, shutting it as slow as you could so you won’t make any noise that will make everyone in the house wake up.

You stride down the stairs, grasping the bag’s strap firmly as you are walking towards the main door and before you went out, you take a last glance, observing the house and scanning the picture of your family so that it will be engraved in your memories forever.

You stepped out from the house slowly pushing the doorknob to shut and lock it back before turning your heels away from there.

“Y/n?” That voice alarmed you, making you root your feet to the last position you was before your curse under your breath. You never thought she still awake at this time.

Your sister grabbed one of your arms, pulling you back to face her. “Are you planning to leave us Y/n?”

A rough intake of air flowing into your nose and you shut your eyes tightly, trying to pull out your courage to commit something that you never want to do, especially to your sister yet you have no choice. It was the best for you and for them.

You tore away your hand from here, plastering a furious and angry look on your face. “Yes! I don’t want to stop all the suffering that I had to face here. You can’t stop me from going. I’m leaving for good.” You are tried to walk away but stopped but a strong grip from behind, she is holding you as strong as she could so she could stop you from going.

“Y/n, don’t leave us. Don’t you love mom and dad? Don’t you love me? Please Y/n for the sake of us, don’t leave us. I will make sure you will never felt all those pain anymore.”

It’s hard for you to leave when she uttered those words but you already determined to do this. You pushed her away from you resulting her to fall on the grass as hurt and surprise dart over her face, disbelief that you would do that to her.

“Don’t look for me! I would not come back here anymore. Goodbye.” You cursed under your breath before pacing away from there, leaving your sister crying for you, to stop, to change your decision and you know it would never happen.

*

The sounds of whimpers break away the silence that lingering the office since this morning. There are Jennie and you sitting next to each other while Jennie constantly rubbed her palms against your back, to soothe you who had been crying for a long time since you were back from the interview.

“I don’t want to meet him again Jennie. It hurts me so much to see him again. His presence suffocates me as if I could die right away when he is there.” Jennie pulled you into her embrace, letting out her soft hushes, hoping that whatever she would say next would comfort you and ended your cries.

“I understand, Y/n. I’m so sorry for making you being the one to handle this project. I promised that after this, Rose will be the one that will handle it, okay?” She put on a smile, assuring you that she is not making false promises.

“Please stop crying, it hurts for me to see you in vain.”

*

“Jungkook!” A high-pitched voices calling for him, pulling him away from his thought. He quickly turns his face to face one of the board member, giving them a smile as a sign that he is giving all of his attention towards them.

“We had chosen the best two and we need you to take a look before we proceed with the rest procedure.” The man hands in the form to Jungkook before he stretched out his hand to grab the forms. His eyes wildly observing the forms, looking for any familiarity that he was seeking for. A quick smile flashes on the face as his eyes caught a glimpse of your name.

He has never mistaken someone for you and him clearly sure, the one that has been standing in front of him just now was you. Y/n, the one that he has been looking for.

“I will handle this company’s project. Please arrange my schedule with their representative as soon as possible” He simply ordered as his fingers trace along your face on the passport’s picture that you gave, staring at the pictures as if he could be burned a hole to it with the glint of fire in his eyes.

A giant grin springs on his face as he monologues, “At last, I found you.”

◇ author’s note: I’m so sorry for taking a while to update this chapter. I just finished my semester so I got a little time to update before my schedule starts to become hectic once again. and I’m sorry if my writing getting worse because it has been half a years since I write so I'm tended to forget my style of writing but I’m trying to improve my writing back as soon as I can. wait for that moment guys. I will definitely edit this chapter. anyways, sorry for the long author notes and thanks for reading and supporting my fic. a lot of love, xoxo Liz.

[littleladysongbird]

Feeling Slightly Overboard: A Gwenvid Fic

Hey! I’m back from the dead! While I’ve been busy at work with papers and other really cool writing projects, I realized I missed Gwenvid week and decided to write something to make up for it. So, inspired by @zippybot‘s wonderful Gwenvid art for Day 5 & 6, here’s a very short fluffy fic!

(Oh yeah and I don’t own Camp Camp)

-xoxo Diana 

***

It had always been a really bad idea at its core.

After all, despite having free reign over the camp with Campbell off and gone to god-knows where, it was still...inappropriate to be in a public relationship with one another. Technically they were employees of the local government, and inter-department relationships were absolutely out of the question.

But the kids had passed out early and it was way too hot to stay in the cabin and watch a movie. So David and Gwen stole camp supplies and a canoe and literally pitched themselves a date in one of the isolated coves of Lake Lilac.

Camping and late-night canoeing was David’s idea from the get-go,  though he certainly didn’t expect to be taking her out in the middle of camp season. She was determined to make it work, though, and all but physically dragged him out the door in order to enjoy some peace and quiet together outside the confines of screened windows.

And he wanted to.

Lord, he wanted to.

But even two hours in without a single mishap, his stomach was tripled knotted with anxiety, and he wanted nothing less than to be back at the cabin fast asleep on his own cott, even when Gwen was relaxed and happy in the opposite end of the boat.

It had already been a few weeks since they had made the relationship official, and he was still as nervous as he was the first night they had kissed. He tried to chalk it up to the threat of being fired, but deep down, even David knew that there was really no reason to worry about getting discovered.

Mostly because it still felt like they weren’t even a couple.

The initial decision was quickly decided, and despite a consistent pattern subtle flirting and stolen kisses and late-night conversation, there was little to show for them as a couple. For the first time, David had begun to look forward to the end of camp, since it meant he and Gwen could spend time together as a couple. And yet, in the hollow of his chest, the fear of losing her before summer’s end continued to strike him with a sharp, brutal blow. It was frustrating, and despite all his attempts to-

“David?”

He snapped his head up, hair flouncing in the breeze as he focused his gaze back at the woman sitting across from him. She was frowning, slightly biting her bottom lip as she reached out to grab his hand.

“Hey,” she smiled, “you okay? You look super stressed.”

“Nope!” he laughed through a strained smile, “I just...I haven’t been on a proper date in a while, you know?”

“Don’t worry; it’s going great so far.”

“Thanks,” he blushed, giving her hand a squeeze before grasping the paddle in hand to guide them back to shore.

Their temporary campsite was tucked out of the way, hidden from nearly every angle and shaded by small limestone formations and tall pines. It lacked proper starlight and the shoreline was a slightly unforgiving bed of pebbles, but it was a good sanctuary from the outside world.

“So,” Gwen yawned, letting her hand dip into the clear water as the boat floated on the edge of the cove, “how exactly did you find this place?”

“I can’t remember, honestly,” he sighed, leaning back to look up at the rim of the moon, “I think it was during district training; I was taking a summer class at the community college while also doing my training, and I just needed a quiet place to study. As far as I can tell, nobody ever comes over here since it’s kind of rocky and the tide can flood camp if you don’t know where to pitch it.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Thanks.” David sat back up, watching Gwen lazily draw patterns on the cold surface of the lake. For a moment, everything was calm.

Then a tree branch snapped.

Anxiety blew him backwards like a bullet to the face, causing the canoe to dip and toss both Gwen and David into the freezing water.

“Jesus!” Gwen gasped, her entire body turning a stark shade of white as she scrambled to her feet in the freezing water, “what the hell David?”

“I’m sorry!” He choked, “I thought...there was something.”

“Did you see someone?”

“N-no,” he avoided her gaze, pushing the boat onto the shore as quickly as possible, “I just...it scared me. I’m sorry.”

“David-”

“Just, go dry off.” He mumbled, skin burning with humiliation. “There’s some blankets in the tent if you want.”

He braced himself for what she has to say, but she was silent, quietly moving past him and ducking into the tent. David sighed, peeling off his own shirt and trousers and laying them by the fire before sitting by the flames himself. He was the very definition of humiliation: drenched in cold water, red-faced, and wearing nothing but his boxers and make-shift bandanna.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and losing himself to sound of nature until the sharp scratching of a zipper drew his attention.

“You okay?”

David looked over his right shoulder, surprised to find Gwen beside him with a gentle smile on her face. Her hair was down, a blanket draped across her waist to avoid the complete exposure of her undergarments. David turned back towards the fire, dropping his gaze to the ashes that burst before him.

“...I’m sorry, Gwen,” he sighed, “this was supposed to be a fun date.”

“David-”

“But I ruined it.”

He let the words fall into the open, his own heart heavy with self-loathing and doubt. His chance with her had been slim, and he had completely ruined it. He could hear her awkward breathing and apologies in the back of his imagination, and felt tears boiling under his eyes.

“David-”

He shook, breathing sharply as he prepared for the impact of her words.

“No you didn’t.” He blinked, turning to find her gazing up at him, leaning against his shoulder and taking his hand in her own. “I’m having fun.”

David stared at her, turning a vivid shade of pink as her fingers began to trace along his wrist.

“You’re not...mad at me?”

“Come on, David,” she snorted, rolling her eyes and tucking herself under his chin, “I know we haven’t exactly been the most romantic couple with all these little shits running around, but it’s gonna take a lot more than falling out of a boat to get me to actually break up with you.”

“Oh.” He bit his lip, trying to prevent the stupid smile sprouting on his face. “So...you still, like, want to do this with me?”

“Of course you idiot,” Gwen laughed, “it’s been killing me that those little shits won’t shut the fuck up till one am! Why do you think I’ve been so adamant about you sending those fuckers on an eight hour hike to God-knows where?”

David chuckled under his breath, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close. “Thanks, Gwen.”

“No problem, David!” She snorted, locking eyes with him. David dug a little tighter into her ribs, eyes unflinching from her own. He was feeling jumpy and anxious again, but this time it made him feel...good. With a deep breath, he gently pushed her hand a bit farther behind her, hovering over her with a slight hesitation.

“Hey, Gwen?” He blushed. “Can I...kiss you?”

To his surprise, she laughs, leaning in until she nearly brushes her lips on his own.

“Hell yeah!”

Their lips are locked within seconds, his arms winding themselves around her waist as her own hands knotted behind his head. It was a lot...rougher, than what he was used to, but it was by no means bad. He quite liked the feeling of her tongue pressed against his own, weight shifting ever so slightly and heat rising with the friction between their skin.

“G-god,” Gwen moaned, rocking back on his lap ever so slightly to catch her breath, “that’s...that felt good.”

David bit down on his entire bottom lip, trying to ignore the sudden rush of warmth to his hips. But the bulge began to grow, and, to his complete humiliation, she began to snicker.

“You good, David?”

“J-j-just fine,” he gulped, “sorry, I-”

“It’s not a bad thing. That is, unless you don’t…” she looked up, leaning back to support herself on her own arms, “do you...want to?”

“Want to what?”

“You know; do it? With me? You know...right now?”

“Oh.” David froze, slightly flustered and unsure. “I mean, I want to, but I’m not...I haven’t…”

“Oh, well, we don’t have to-”

“No, I want to!” David grasped her waist, pulling her back into his arms. “I just...I might not be good at it.”

“David, nobody’s good at it. We just...we do it.”

“Okay.” He nodded, kissing her deeper and deeper until she was sprawled out below him. He smiled at her, sheepish and still slightly nervous.

“Is this okay, Gwen?”

Gwen looked up, trying to keep her eyes focused on his own instead of the discrete trail of freckles that crawled down his body. Sweating slightly, she grinned. 

“Perfect.”

***

(PS: In case you were wondering my other CC fics, reader; yes, I’m still working on Bastard Valley. I have a personal project I need to complete in the next week, but then I will get to work and probably upload chapters 4 and 5 relatively soon)

(PPS: PLEASE FOLLOW @zippybot THEY DESERVE THE BEST!)

[atmosphericflyboy]

Five times kissed bc fuck u i have a need

I NEVER REBLOGGED THIS MEME BUT IF YOU SEND ME THINGS I WILL WRITE THEM ANYWAYS? I GUESS? > @freckledcybernetics : always accepting? i guess?

Mild NSFW in section 3, continued under cut because this somehow became over 3,800 words and yeah wow it’s 7:46 a.m., I have no excuse.

Trying to think back on the beginnings of your relationship with your husband while playing tonsil hockey with him pinned up against your front door is—probably not a stellar idea, but Poe Dameron has never claimed to have good timing.

It’s just—he’s having a moment, okay, because after all these years he still can’t quite believes that Fergus is his and he is Fergus’ and they are theirs, ad infinitum. To have and to hold, for better or for worse—although in his mind there is no worse, has never been worse since the very first day they met.

Focus, Poe.

They break apart for air and Poe takes advantage of the brief pause to pick Fergus up. Still, he can’t stop thinking, This love story—how does it start?

Fergus’ lips find his own again, and his mind goes blank for a little while.

It starts, he thinks as he hitches Fergus’ legs a little higher around his waist and begins to walk them to the bedroom, gently kicking cats and dog out of the way. The two of us, we start, it starts—

1. With two cups of coffee.

The cute guy in a button-down and tie stutters. It’s adorable; Poe gives him his warmest smile and promptly gets caught up admiring those ginger curls and bright green eyes as he waits for the customer to finish his order. The early sunlight filtering in through the thick glass windows has a flattering effect on everyone, but especially so (Poe thinks) on this gentleman, painting a warm blush across soft cheeks that look positively delectable, they really do—

He jerks out of his reverie, realizing that the customer is done talking. “Alright, let me see if I got all that,” he says with a wink (because, as Finn is fond of reminding him, he is shameless). “One regular Americano with an extra shot and one large caramel macchiato, and can I get a name for your order?”

Rey shows up just in time to take over for him at the register. As he bustles about preparing Verin’s order, Poe keeps sneaking glances over at him, wondering who the other person he’s buying coffee for is. He pulls his special marker out of his pocket on impulse, adding a purple heart after Verin’s name on both cups before sticking them in a cardboard holder and handing the whole thing over to Verin with a smile. And, because he is truly, unapologetically shameless, another wink.

Verin takes a sip from the larger cup on his way out the door. Poe didn’t think he was a triple-shot-no-sugar sort of guy, anyways.

It takes close to four months of sporadic meetings and soul-sucking early shifts after even earlier-late night gigs, but Poe finally learns that A: the person Verin buys coffee for is his terrifying boss (Verin hadn’t actually described his boss that way, but Poe knows triple-shot-no-sugar types, and they are not to be reckoned with), B: Verin will drink anything with a lot of caffeine and sugar and milk in it, and C: the sunlight looks even better on those cheeks when said cheeks are already colored with a faint blush at one of Poe’s guileless attempts at flirting.

Oh, and D: Verin’s name isn’t actually Verin—that’s the boss. Cute suit guy’s name is Fergus.

(Somehow, the name makes cute stuttering guy even cuter. Albeit perhaps not so much when Poe remembers he learned that by mistakenly asking “Verin” out.

Fergus did say yes, though, so maybe the extra cuteness is warranted after all.)

Poe picks Fergus up at seven with a small bouquet of wildflowers and his most charming smile. Afterward, he walks him home, feels the blush he’s been admiring from behind the counter for so long warm the tips of his fingers as he leans in for a kiss.

It’s short and sweet and chaste, yet it makes the butterflies that have been in his stomach all evening shiver and flutter. He knows it’s too soon, but Poe’s falling for this man who kisses like he’s not entirely sure he knows how. Who looks at Poe with sparkling eyes and the softest smile, and always seems a little startled by his own laughter. Like he wasn’t entirely sure he was capable of making such a sound.

Poe hasn’t done slow and steady in a very, very long time, but he finds that he wants to, for Fergus. Wants to take him out to countless dinners and movies; wants to introduce him to everyone important to Poe, his father and godmother and band buddies (the coffee shop buddies have obviously already met him). Wants to have picnics in the park with him in summer and hot chocolate by the fire in winter, and to hold his hand until they have to kiss goodbye at his front door.

Wants his front door to be Poe’s front door, too, someday.

He strokes Fergus’ cheek and steps back before he can say something stupid like I barely even know you, but I know I’m stupidly in love with you. It’s too soon. Fergus deserves better. Poe knows how to do better.

“See you tomorrow?” he says instead. Fergus nods, mirroring Poe’s half-shy smile, and gives him the most adorable little wave before shutting the door.

Poe walks backwards down the road, hands in his pockets, reluctant to part with the sight of Fergus’ building just yet. A blonde woman looks down on him from an upstairs window with a gaze that could curdle fresh milk.

But then—a light comes on in the room next to her. The curtains are drawn, but Poe sees the fleeting silhouette of a slim person with a mop of tousled hair cross the window.

A grin spreads slowly across his face, and he turns and half-skips the rest of the way down to the subway station.

When Fergus comes into the coffee shop the next morning, there are two steaming hot cups covered in purple marker hearts waiting for him in a cardboard holder. And one barista (pretty hot, himself) behind the counter, with purple-stained fingertips and the dorkiest smile.

2. With a nightmare.

Poe has a secret.

It’s a good secret. He prides himself on being an open book (and no, L'ulo, it’s not just because he’s a terrible liar), but this is one secret he’s more than happy to keep.

The secret is this: He’s been taking private lessons in ASL in exchange for private guitar lessons. Paige is an old acquaintance, so he already knew Mrs. Tico raised her hearing children fluent in ASL and was quick to volunteer when he heard her sister wanted to pick up an instrument.

The not-so-secret part of the secret is that he’s doing this for Fergus. They’re going pretty steady at this point, steady enough that Poe’s settling in for the long haul. They’ve spent several nights together so far just cuddling and making out in bed like shy, awkward teenagers. And Poe knows he’s a sap, but already there’s nothing that makes him happier than getting to wake up and see that soft mop of red hair on the pillow next to him.

So, yeah, it’s a pretty great secret. A true act of devotion or whatever Finn calls it when he teases him about it at work; Poe may be a hopeless romantic, but he’s not doing this as some grand, symbolic gesture to be waved in Fergus’ face like a pennant.

No, he’s doing this because he wants Fergus to be comfortable around him, plain and simple.

Poe isn’t unobservant: Fergus doesn’t talk about his past before working for Verin and doesn’t like having attention drawn to his cybernetic implants. Has nightmares sometimes that leave him crying (and tried to hide it from Poe, the first time it happened when he slept over), and finds it difficult to speak aloud when he’s particularly sad or upset or tired.

Poe knows there must have been something deeply, terribly wrong done to him for him to act this way. For him to wake up in the middle of the night shaking with terror.

Poe doesn’t need to know how the cybernetics happened. He doesn’t want Fergus to tell him anything that Fergus doesn’t want to talk about. He does want the names of every single person who has ever caused his sweet boy harm, but he doesn’t need Leia beating him over the head to realize that that won’t help his cause. He loves Fergus, implants and all, and he never wants to push Fergus beyond his limits.

Which makes it difficult when he has to. When he has to get Fergus to put in his hearing aids just so he can ask “What’s wrong?“ in the dark. When he has to either guess blindly at what Fergus needs and wants or try and get him to talk, and by the time he gets the words out, the need or want has often been superseded by pure frustration.

It’s horribly uncomfortable for Fergus and it’s horribly ineffective for both of them, and Poe wants to understand when Fergus is unable to talk or type or write. He’s had enough of the heartbreaking loneliness in Fergus’ eyes as he signs over and over again like a broken record stuck on loop, because this is all he can say at present but Poe just doesn’t understand.

So, he’s taking ASL lessons, and he’s getting to be fluent enough that he means to tell Fergus soon. But Fergus’ subconscious, it seems, has other plans.

He’s a pretty light sleeper, so he’s alert and sitting up within moments of Fergus starting awake. There’s something different about the nightmare this time, something worse: Fergus is curling up into himself, shaking and sobbing, looking like he’s not entirely sure of where he is or whether the four walls of this room will hold against the force of whatever it is that plagues his dreams.

And Poe—Poe reaches out, almost without thinking, and gently taps Fergus’ hand till he gets his attention. Signs, slowly and a little gracelessly, You’re here with me and you’re safe, and I love you, and we’ll get through this together.

Fergus blinks. Poe signs it again, trying to project as much calm and reassurance as he can.

Next thing he knows, his arms are full of a sobbing Fergus. He hums softly and strokes Fergus’ hair, knowing Fergus can’t hear him but hoping the vibrations will soothe him anyways. Kind of like a cat purring, he reasons, except Poe-sized.

Afterward, he’ll blame his preoccupation with calming Fergus as well as his own exhaustion from squeezing those ASL lessons into his day on top of coffee shop shifts and band practices and gigs. But, in this moment, Poe doesn’t realize that that was the first time either of them had said I love you.

When Fergus’ sobs subside into small hiccups, he pulls back just enough to kiss him like it’s all Poe knows how to do.

You’re here with me and you’re safe, and I love you, and we’ll get through this together. He signs it again before pulling Fergus back down onto the mattress with him and tucking the covers in over them both.

When they wake up the next morning, Fergus signs it right back at him. And then, once he’s put his hearing aids in, proceeds to grill Poe on how he seemingly learned sign language overnight.

3. With their first time together.

Fergus is stammering and blushing, which Poe takes as a cue to stop putting his tongue to, ah, rather creative use. He pulls back, props himself up on his elbows, and raises his eyebrows instead.

Fergus gives up and curses him out in ASL. Poe smirks but relents, signing back, Tell me, what do you want me to do?

He—didn’t expect Fergus’ response to be quite so descriptive or profane. He’s impressed. He pushes himself up, ignoring the way his spine protests after standing behind the counter all day, and captures Fergus’ already swollen red lips with his own.

It’s not what Fergus just asked for, but Poe’s pretty creative with his tongue in this regard as well, so Fergus doesn’t seem to be complaining. A slight thrill runs through him at the thought of his boy showing up to work tomorrow, looking thoroughly kissed and very well fucked.

(This is followed by the realization that Verin will probably want to castrate him, and yeah, no, Poe’s never thinking of Fergus’ boss in the bedroom again.)

He pulls away, breathless and a little dizzy, to say “As you wish” like a total dork (he’d shown Fergus The Princess Bride for the first time a couple of dates ago). His back and arms both protest this time as he lowers himself slowly, trailing a flurry of kisses all the way down Fergus’ torso before setting about to do his love’s bidding.

When he looks up at a particularly well-timed moment, he’s lucky he has his mouth full so he can’t say something stupid like Now there’s an O-face I could get used to seeing. Not so lucky after all when the thought makes him choke, which results in the worst-timed bout of coughing and spluttering in the history of oral sex.

It’s embarrassing as hell and, once he recovers, Poe’s cheeks are flaming redder than Fergus’ well-kissed lips. Apparently, he’s a masochist, though, because he explains the whole thing to a thoroughly bewildered Fergus with a sheepish smile.

There’s a moment of stunned silence before Fergus bursts into peals of laughter. Poe finds himself joining in, the nerves he didn’t even realize he had dissolving under the weight of his relief.

They can barely look at each other for hours afterward without setting each other off laughing again. Poe’s whole abdomen aches and he can’t even see through his tears, and yeah, this is something he could really get used to.

(Even if Fergus never lets him live it down.)

4. With a home.

The day Poe’s band finally scores a record deal, he calls Fergus at work to ask, “Do you wanna move in with me for good?”

It’s something they’ve been talking about for awhile now. Admittedly, Fergus spends far more time at Poe’s than the other way around, but each of their places has long since been encroached upon by the other’s belongings to the point where cohabitation is no longer so much a possibility as a fact. Poe’s lease is up in a couple of months, anyways; it only makes sense to start looking for a place together, and the record deal means Poe can finally afford something a little bigger than the place he shares with Karé and Jessika and Snap in Washington Heights.

Verin, predictably, throws a fit and a half about Fergus leaving. She can’t exactly stop him, though, so they pack up the last of Fergus’ things and drive off one day while she’s out, giddy and giggling like students playing hooky for the first time.

Cinnamon, Raison and Toast yowl in unison when Poe’s dog greets them at the door.

Their new apartment in the Village still isn’t much to look at, but it’s enough for the two of them and BB-8 and Fergus’ cats. They spend their weekends putting together (then promptly christening) Ikea furniture; on weekdays, they make breakfast side-by-side while Raisin meows underfoot.

They hold hands on the subway all the way uptown until Poe has to get off, two stops ahead of Fergus.

He’s working fewer shifts at the coffee shop, but much longer hours in the recording studio. Fergus waits up for him. Poe feels bad about it, especially when he comes back one night to find Fergus already asleep on the couch.

He stands in the doorway for a long time, taking in the soft curves and lines of Fergus’ face in the flickering light of the TV.

When Fergus stirs and wakes, it’s to the gentle rocking motion of being carried to the bedroom in Poe’s arms. Poe sets him down carefully, then disappears into the bathroom: there’s the sound of running water, and the soft rustle of clothes.

By the time he returns, Fergus’ hearing aids are resting on the nightstand. Poe slides in next to him, signing Sorry I’m late and Love you and Get some sleep.

Fergus pulls him close and kisses him, sloppy and sleepy and utterly sweet. He’s asleep again almost at once. Poe wraps an arm round his waist, pressing another, lighter kiss to his forehead.

It’s not perfect this way. Far from it: once the EP is out, Poe will be playing concerts left, right and center to sell it. Then, if it sells, there will be a tour, and if it doesn’t, there will be another EP to make, or his band will be dropped by their label entirely.

He won’t go back to working early shifts at the coffee shop. They’ve come too far for that; he’s going to make this work, one way or another. That means sacrifice, and that means long hours at the studio or on the road, and that means days or weeks or months away from his love. He knows it’ll hurt them both and he hopes they’ll survive it, and he needs to talk about this with Fergus soon, because he wants Fergus to understand.

Fergus’ front door is finally Poe’s own. And it’s not perfect; far from it, when he’s too tired to even really see it as he stumbles through it after dark. But then he’s greeted by four soft fluffy bundles of fur and an even softer, even fluffier mess of ginger curls, and Poe knows he will never tire of coming home.

5. With a promise.

Poe loves touring with the band more than anything in the world—except his boyfriend and their cats and dog and cozy apartment on Greenwich Avenue.

Poe’s boyfriend also loves him and their cats and dog and cozy apartment on Greenwich Avenue more than anything in the world. Which is why, when the prospect of touring the world becomes a reality, it takes a great deal of time and effort for Poe to convince Fergus to leave the cats and dog and apartment behind and come on the road with him.

“A month,” he tells Fergus, time and time again. “That’s all it’ll be, a month! All these years you’ve worked for Verin and how much time off has she given you? She can spare you for a month. Come on, starshine, I want to see the world with you.”

In the end, Fergus only comes along because Poe’s dad flies all the way across the country to look after the pets and the apartment for them. Poe may have inherited his determination from his mother, but there’s a stubborn streak in old Kes yet.

The first three shows are in Dublin, London and Paris, which Poe and the band tackle alone. Nothing would ever make Poe force Fergus into coming back to the UK, not when it holds nothing but bad memories for him. Even France is too close for comfort. Poe looks hard at every middle-aged, red-haired man he sees, half-wishing [ Papa ] would cross his path so he could sink his fists into the bastard’s teeth.

Poe picks Fergus up from the airport in Amsterdam and makes sure he gets settled in at the hotel. Very, very well settled in, as it turns out. So well settled in that they both show up to soundcheck late, hair somewhat tousled and hastily dressed.

That night, Poe’s even more keyed up with nerves and excitement than usual; this is the first time he’s playing this particular set for Fergus, though he knows Fergus has heard the album a thousand times before and come to every single show the band has put on in New York. But then he steps onstage and the lights are blinding and the crowd is screaming and yeah, wow, Poe could do this for the rest of his life.

Fergus runs to him and throws his arms around Poe afterward, and yeah, wow, Poe could do Fergus for the rest of his life, too.

In fact, he will. Or at least, he hopes he will: the ring’s been sitting on the chain round his neck since he was six, and he’s known for awhile that Fergus is the one it belongs to. He’s just been waiting for the right time to give it to him.

The days blur into the usual rhythm of rehearsal-performance-rehearsal after that, interspersed with the small, self-contained bubbles of time that he gets to spend with Fergus. They get brunch together in Antwerp and dinner in Hamburg, walk along the remains of the Berlin Wall hand in hand and marvel at the Hofburg in Vienna. Karé and Snap tease the lovebirds but Jessika just waves them off with a knowing smile, and introduces Fergus to her girlfriend, so he’ll have someone to wander around town with during the long hours the band spends setting up for the show.

It’s Rome where Poe finally gets down on one knee, presenting Fergus with the ring on top of his coffee cup, which he’s covered all over with purple marker hearts. He wrote his speech in purple marker, too, on hotel notepaper that Fergus later has the good sense to find a sturdy envelope to pack in.

They’re both smiling a little too wide for the kiss to be anything but clumsy. Poe presses his forehead against his fiancé’s in the quiet, cobblestoned street, and together they laugh, and together they cry.

Karé is, predictably, the first person to spot the ring (which is half a size too large and keeps slipping off, they’ll have to get it resized) when they walk into soundcheck hand in hand the next day. Poe’s pretty sure her wolf-whistle reverberates around the entire world, but he’s honestly too happy to care.

(Wild fan theories about the lead singer’s obvious exuberance spring up like mushrooms in rain after the show that night.)

From Barcelona to Bangkok to Melbourne to Taipei, their wedding photo album begins to take shape. Fergus bought a little Polaroid camera for the trip; by the time they’re bracing for the fourteen-hour flight from Seoul to JFK, their suitcases are crammed full of glossy paper memories.

When they get home, BB-8 and Cinnamon and Raisin and Toast greet them at the door. Poe holds up Fergus’ hand with the ring for his dad to see; Kes looks at it for a long time before hugging them both tight, shoulders shaking as he cries.

It’s past midnight and they’re jet-lagged and exhausted and giddy with delight, and all Poe can think is that forever begins today. Maybe it began when Fergus first walked into his life stammering over his coffee order, or maybe it’s been beginning this whole time and the truth only sank in when he gave his love his mother’s ring.

Maybe there was never a beginning, only a forever that goes on and on and never ends. And yeah, maybe Poe’s a massive dork, but he’s promised Fergus his forever—and he can’t wait to spend forever promising his love to him, again and again.

[justinjohn]

10 real-life photos: Women’s March: Chicago edition

I just got back from the Women’s March, Chicago contingent, and I have some cool pictures to share with you. 

First and foremost, I couldn’t 1) hold a sign, 2) drink my coffee, and 3) take pictures, so I just wore a shirt that I actually independently purchased a year ago that features what appears to be an abstract rainbow on it, which is really an aerial shot of tulip fields in Holland, but you get the point. It’s just the gayest thing on the planet, and I was super self-conscious because people were looking at me and even taking pictures, which was both unintentional and unexpected, and so I just wanted to shove myself down a street sewer for a minute. And then I saw this girl and I shut the fuck up:

She is wearing a homemade vagina over her head. And loving it. Like, she assembled that at home with wiring and fabric and there’s even a pearl in the clitoris for panache. I love this shot because we’re actually looking at each other as sort of pastiches of our cause and it was just a moment of shameless celebration in each other. She’s amazing.

2. Respect your mother

I stopped people during the march when I loved their signs. I am a huge environmental advocate, and when I saw this girl walk by, I flagged her down and asked her for her picture. Her dumb friend kept trying to get in it before realizing I didn’t want her, and I think I got lucky with this one:

I signed a petition in support of the EPA, and I am going to be launching a project to help the environment, which is fashion-related, so stay tuned. It’s the least I can do in my unemployment, you know, as the world crumbles around us and the environment dies. The women’s march today was nice because no matter what you were protesting, the crowd was embracing of the cause. At one point in the march, a woman in the crowd called out, “Have a great, global-warming day!” And everyone laughed. Because it’s still funny, until polar bears are extinct and the laughter turns to tears and I kill myself.

3. Pregnant pussy power:

At first I tried to just snag a photo of this sign because it was outlined in glitter and said ‘pussy power’ in pink bubblegum letters, which I loved, and then I realized that not only was the girl holding it beautiful, but she was sporting a brilliant face tattoo, and a FUCKING BABY, strapped to her chest.  Way to get out there with a newborn and make a sign with glitter on it. I couldn’t even wash my hair this morning, much less be bothered to make a painted sign. Jesus. 

4. rEVOLution:

I suppose I am actually that dumb to never have realized that the word “revolution” contains the word ‘love’ spelled backwards. I guess I’m new at this whole ‘protesting’ thing, or just am not that clever. Anyway, I just loved it and how effectively the one-worded sign was displayed, so cleanly but powerfully. I mean, it looks like it’s fucking photoshopped into her hand for Christ sake. Loved it.

5. fat baby Trump and leather daddy Pence

Clearly whoever made these is a genius and deserves some sort of ‘protest advertisement’ grammy, or whatever the awards show is for this. I mean, they went through the trouble of drawing in a goddamn shirt collar and tie over the leather harness on the Pence cut-out. That was definitely going the extra mile. And that expression on Pence’s face-- it makes me uneasy, like I accidentally logged into his webcam channel. It’s just really a spot-on design. Couldn’t have done a better job myself.. with the sign that I didn’t make. 

6. Painting nails 

This is my favorite emoji and I use it constantly either as depicted here or as a black woman because I like the contrast of the pink nails on the darker skin. I just think this sign abstractly gets a lot across: the trump hair (just on its own) and the nails.. I just ‘get’ this protester. Also because judging by those glasses, I think he’s probably also a lady. Which, by the way, was the other problem with my goddamn sweatshirt.. I felt like a human version of one of those electric, hanging mosquito traps. All the gays were like, “Ooh, look at this little rainbow.” And, just like the sign, I was like, “I don’t think so.” Leave it to the gays to use a women’s march to cruise for men. 

7. Now the real winners of the march today were the children. They were the ones that truly made this moment in history not only monumental but filled with hope. And I am about to show you why:

I just fell in love with this little girl holding this sign “NASTY woman in training.” Go get ‘em. Stand up for yourself, be strong. I am glad mommy is teaching you that you are a strong person who can accomplish anything regardless of gender and that studies show that you probably have a 2% higher IQ, on average, than your fellow counterpart, so you’re already a step ahead. Don’t ruin that with drugs or alcohol, okay honey?  

And then we have  this little gem, #8:

Nevermind the homeless man in the background who is looking into the camera like, “What the fuck you doing?” What? I am taking a picture of a child with a picket, motherfucker, leave me alone.  Just kidding-- I didn’t even notice that until after, but it’s actually kind of hilarious, no? 

Anyway, could this girl not be more adorable? 1. She matches her sign. 2. That hat. 3. It’s so sunny she can’t keep her eyes open. 4. she drew small hearts in the ‘A’ of “am” and the ‘r’ of “Future” because she's so stinking cute. And 5. She’s actually 100% right. She is the future and I am so glad she’s out there realizing that we don’t judge people by their gender or color of skin or sexual orientation. Now, scamper off you little periwinkle dream.

9. Wait till I can vote. 

Maybe I am a sucker for kids that match their signs (I am now discovering), but lord Jesus what an adorable little girl with such a positive message for all of us. I like she she still struggles making a lower-case ‘a’ and I just think it’s important for people in this world to know that you are watching, listening, and learning,and you too, even at age 9, can distinguish good from sniveling, wispy haired garbage fire. Great job today, kiddo. A+.

10. Stronger Together.

 I loved this photo because of all of the little tykes strung to the light post sticking out their cute signs together, but I am just looking at this to see that little child is wearing a shirt that reads, “everyone loves a brave girl” (with a temperature-sensible sweater over it in case it gets cold), which just makes me want to cry because I can’t find another emotion to express how cute I think that is. I just want to eat her up, and her facial expression is just too adorable for words, so I’m just going to move on.

to a bonus: #11. A drive-by:

I mean, it doesn’t get better than displaying a sign out of your sun roof because you’re stuck in the car. If you look at their faces, they’re laughing and having a good time because, I mean, why not?, who said you can’t protest on wheels?

Far be it from me, Mr. Rainbow.

Overall, today was a powerful day for of all of those who felt voiceless, who watched the inauguration yesterday in abject horror, whose stomaches welled up with terror, as mine did, who feared the worst. Today demonstrated that we are braver, stronger than we ever imagined, and that we won’t take this, and we will march to prove it. It’s a long road and one mired with disappointment and certainly a lot of adversity but together, we will prevail. Hope does exist. 

According to the LA times, nearly 2.5 million people galvanized today in various cities throughout the United States and the rest of the globe to protest Donald Trump and his possible legislation that would marginalize women, minority groups, and LGBTQAI constituencies.

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Justinthecity

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