#they really be out there having full non-verbal conversations im crying

[gunsatthaphan]

pookies 🥺

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?

I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.

TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface

Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.

And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie

What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?

Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”

So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?

The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it

ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN

Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ

The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel

Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-

Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.

Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died

I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?

Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional

Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?

“A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?

Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)

20 minutes in and I wanted to give up

So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??

The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?

AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR

“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you

So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar

I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes

“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED

“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT

The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired

“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY

STOP THE FACES IM-

^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^

So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-

It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all

Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?

For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again

Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?

Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?

So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one

WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain

Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY

I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought

“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do

Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!

“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?

“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf

Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park

“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t

So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦‍♀️

“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT

EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT

“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT

The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film

This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.

Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)

This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot

WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-

I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...

I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.

LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there

The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not

I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.

Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess

So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up

YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH

The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-

I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious

“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT

“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-

ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU

There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful

Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.

Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?

And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???

She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there

So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???

Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!

She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender

The less said about the musical number here the better

Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!

ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING

Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number

The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.

Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨

I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything

“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?

There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES

Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???

Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number

Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.

Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.

The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?

Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”

Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES

“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT

Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever

This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*

Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end

I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level

She got a service dog puppy which... okay?

Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!

I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing

AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻

Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.

We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.

As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.

[untaemedqueen]

The Lions Den

Mafia!Jiminx Wife!Reader

Genre: Mafia!AU, Smut, Fluff, Angst

Chapter 15.

Warnings: Smut, Blood, Guns, Knives, Excessive Cursing, Excessive Alcohol Intake, Smoking (Cigarettes and Cigars), Mental Health Issues

Warnings In This Chapter: Fighting, A Health Scare

A/N: Listen to me when I say, please DO NOT HATE ME! NO BABIES OR CHILDREN WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS CHAPTER! Shout out to my forever squad @ppersonna​, @xjoonchildx, @ladyartemesia.The champs!

TagList- @ayyyocee​​, @mysugabear03, @wisebtsgot7prune​​, @imaforeigner​​​, @yeonkiminnie​​​, @stories1907​​​, @ppersonna​​​, @brilee64​​​, @gooplibrary​​​, @vivpurple7​​​, @xjoonchildx​​​, @brightwingr5​​​, @yaniposts22​​​, @rjsmochii​​​, @taeslittletiger​​​, @pjmcth​​​, @bts-chub​​​, @kpoppingthempills, @kim-ji-hyeons-world​​​, @jikooksgirl19​​​, @yoong-i​​​, @ruinsofangels​​​, @absolutefantrash​​​, @chiminies-noona​​​, @eclectically-esoteric​​, @simplybree​

There's something soothing about the sound of crickets. 

It usually brings one peace and calm. 

Tonight, the sound is like grating nails against a chalkboard. It sets you on edge. To distract yourself you’ve taken to digging non-existent dirt out from underneath your fingernails. You don’t want to look up, to look at anyone because to do that you would have to truly take in the reality.

And, the reality is that you’re all fucked. Not a single one of you was safe. This family you’ve grown into, became a part of something with this amazing man who saved you from the treacherous slave circle you were sold into- you are all doomed. 

For the first time, the meeting is taking place outside of the room you all convene in on the third floor. 

All seven mafia men, their women- apart from your sister, and you were sitting in the sitting room.

You can hear the wooden boards of the floor creaking behind you as your husband paces back and forth. His hand is tucked beneath his chin as he stares off into the far distance. 

Digging your toes into the Persian rug you bought not too long ago, you tilt your head back to the lip of the couch to watch him in his constant struggle. It’s heartbreaking to watch, to see him so stressed and know there is nothing you can do.

Even if you could do something, he wouldn’t want you to.

“What are you moping about?” Jeongguk slurs as he looks everyone over. 

Your eyes flicker to him as he leans back against the base of the couch.

“What do you mean moping? We’re all in fucking danger.” You hear Taehyung mutter as he rubs his wife's stomach. 

“Oh boo hoo. Danger. This is nothing. Like ducks off a water's back or whatever.” Jeongguk scoffs as he lifts his hood up. 

You cringe at his words and cringe even harder as Tae sits up straighter. 

“Yes. Jeongguk, danger. My pregnant wife is in fucking danger. Jimin’s pregnant wife is in danger. We all have someone we fucking care about who is in danger.” Taehyung says loudly, his hands turning into fists as he tilts his head to the younger man sat on the floor.

“Come talk to me when they die.” Jeongguk says, his voice uncaring and distant.

“What did you say?” Tae asks quickly as he stands up.

You press your hand hard to the youngest’s shoulder as he goes to stand up. He falters with a groan as the men around the room begin to creep closer to the action.

“I said come talk to me when they die.” Jeongguk says before chuckling to himself and looking over at you.

You grit your teeth before slapping the back of his head.

“I’ll fucking kill you. You hear me? Don’t you dare ever-” Taehyung barks out as he steps onto the coffee table.

“Oh, big man coming over here. Look at him. Y/N do you think he’ll really do it, noona? Will Kim Taehyung kill me?” Guk asks, cutting off his older brother. 

Pulling out his knife, Taehyung begins to advance on Guk before being pulled back by Jin and Namjoon.

“That’s enough, don’t listen to him.” Jin tells the younger man before narrowing his eyes at Guk and pointing his finger at him. Jeongguk covers his face with his hood before snorting. A noise only you could hear and it infuriates you to no end.

“Shut the fuck up.” You seethe quietly through your teeth as he throws his arm over your thigh.

“Whatever.” He mumbles.

Although the silence is terrible, fighting amongst the family is worse.

“We just all need to think of someone who would do this an-” Namjoon begins to say before being cut off by Jin.

“But it doesn’t matter, does it? Because, whoever it is still has the upper hand. Sure we can think of a person who would do this to us but there are still a million questions. Why would it be us? What have we done to piss off another family? What the fuck does Kyul being on our payroll have to do with them?” He rambles and you stare at the polished glass of the coffee table as he speaks.

You look at your family as they begin to fight with one another. Watching them dog at each other like it was one of them that’s done it. 

All the women are silent, visibly nervous and you can’t do anything. You are physically at a loss. Nothing you can say will help the situation, nothing that you do will help either. 

As for your husband, he’s still pacing in lalaland. He could give a pacemaker a run for its money. 

Eyeing Hyejin, you take in the way her hands are balled up into fists. The way she takes deep breaths as she looks at the ceiling. She’s about to pop a gasket.

“Hye.” You call to her as Taehyung fights with Yoongi.

Her eyes snap to yours and you can see them becoming glassy as the seconds tick on. 

It makes you snap. Your best friend, in emotional turmoil and all this screaming isn’t helping.

“HEY!” You bellow at the top of your lungs. 

Hyunah looks over, pursing her lips impressed before lighting her cigarette. 

“That’s enough! You’re fighting amongst your family, don’t you realize that?!” You yell as everyone gets quiet.

Jimin’s head whips over to your screams before putting his head back to look at the ceiling. 

“We are not the enemy! You yelling at one another, making small little digs and comments against your brothers is the absolute worst thing you could be doing right now. We need fucking solidarity! Not bitching and fucking fighting like you’ve stolen each others toys!” You tell them as they slowly sit back into their chairs. 

Hyejin busts out into tears and her husband shuts his eyes before hugging her tightly to his body. With a thick swallow, you look them all over before standing. 

“It could be a bunch of fucking families. It could be the Im’s. It could be the Kim’s. The Bangs. The fucking Yakuza from Japan- I don’t care. I need you all to get it the fuck together. Immediately.” You say as you slam your hand on the coffee table.

Yoongi clears his throat before wrapping his arm around his wife's shoulder. 

“Hyejin, Jenny and Three. Go in the kitchen.” You point to the open door and without a second glance they’re off.

Pressing your hands together, you press them to your lips before turning to your husband. 

He’s still contemplating, still muddling over what must be done. And, in the meantime, you need to get everyone on the same page.

“Are you all here? Mentally? Are we able to carry on without throwing toys out the fucking pram?” You ask them all. 

Hyunah gives a gentle snort as she pulls from her cigarette.

“We received body parts of someone who was on our payroll. Now that’s a message. They could have come to the front door and written ‘You’re Next’ in lions blood and it still would have been as clear. Someone is against us and this isn’t the time to be yelling and screaming at each other. In fact, they’d probably like that. They’d love to see us fall apart. Whoever it is, they know about us. They know that we have families that we care about, people that we adore and they’re targeting us. We cannot- I’ll repeat that in case you’ve fallen deaf. We CANNOT fall apart.” You tell them as you pull your hands away from your face.

“Do we all understand?” Hyunah asks the boys as they all hum in agreement.

You walk over to the golden caddy, feeling all eyes on your back as you pour a glass of whisky.

“Well what do you want us to d-” Hoseok’s voice goes silent as Namjoon shakes his index finger wildly in his direction. 

Your feet pad gently over your husband before extending the glass of liquor in his face. His eyes slowly move to you and in his irises you can see every stunted and wild emotion in them. He runs his hand lovingly over your cheek as he grabs the glass of whisky. You both stare at one another for a minute, his back deliberately to the guys as he bites his bottom lip nervously.

Your face never changes. You know they can see you and even if you have all these feelings fluttering inside of you, you have to stay strong. But, you let him go through his emotions freely. 

He wants to cry. To scream. To run. But, you’re here. Keeping him tethered to this earth. 

He takes a large gulp of the liquor as he stares at you, his thumb constantly caressing the apple of his cheek. 

There’s this non-verbal conversation you’ve gotten into as you look upon one another. You’re drinking in his dread, pulling his fears from his heart. Just the sight of you calms him, brings him this gumption and drive to do what’s right.

Family is family. 

You fight for it.

He finishes off his whisky before kissing your forehead. 

Turning around to the guys, he takes in their hunched backs and their forms that are wrought with nerves. 

Jimin holds his hand out to you and you take it willingly as he walks you both over to the couch. With a huff, he sits himself down on the couch before pulling you into his lap. His lips traipse over your bare shoulder for a minute before he leans back.

“We’re going to have Casino Night.” He finally says.

Not the first sentence that you thought you’d hear out of his mouth but, you’re intrigued to know where he’s going with this.

Everyone gives him their full attention as his hand lands on your flat stomach. 

“We’re not giving in. We’re not showing weakness. And, I bet you that at Casino Night, we will see the family who is holding Kyul over our heads. It has to be someone in the Seoul circuit, they knew Kyul was working under our pay band- we will find them. And, we will make them pay. We live under the same roof, same neighborhood. We’ll call in some lions to come and stay at the house to make sure we’re feeling very safe. We will get through this, like everything- with guns and knives and give hell to pay.” Your husband says, his hand caressing at your stomach as he looks around at the other members of his group that he holds dear.

“No one is going to get the best of us because we are the best. We’re not going to let some small time pricks come into our house and tell us how to fucking cook. We’re going to do what we always do- Win.” He says as the front door opens. 

Your sister and three little munchkins come waltzing in and it’s a sight for sore eyes. 

You take in your daughter, chocolate ice cream smudged around her lips and cheeks. You melt at the sheer sight. 

Wrinkling your nose, you stand up as she runs over to you.

“Watch the baby.” Jimin calls to her as she hugs you tightly. 

“Did you have fun, buddy?” Jin asks his son as he pulls him onto his lap.

Jisuk nods happily as he hugs his father around the neck.

“What do you have in your hand there, Won?” Hoseok asks sweetly to your daughter as you wipe her face of the ice cream remnants.

Your sister tilts her head seemingly confused as she sets Minseok down on his feet. He takes small steps towards his father, earning bright smiles from Jimin and the others.

“Man gave me a paper, said it was for mommy and daddy!” Hawon cheers as you stop wiping her face.

Your eyes land on your sister who widens her eyes, “I didn’t- I didn’t see anyone give her anything!” She says.

Taehyung stands up before kneeling in front of Hawon. 

“Give Uncle Tae the letter.” He says calmly.

She smiles wider before shaking her head and clutching her fist tighter.

“Oh Jesus.” Jimin mumbles as he hands Minseok over to Namjoon.

He darts over to his daughter before kneeling beside his best friend.

“Give daddy the letter please, Hawon.” She giggles loudly before shaking her head and running around the room.

“Hawon, this isn’t a game baby, please give daddy the letter!” You call to her, your voice peaking with nervousness as she opens the letter.

White powder falls onto her as Jimin grabs the letter from her hand. 

The gasp inside of the room is audible, everyone scrambles to stand up and the two kids are out of the room with your sister in a flash.

“Oh my God!” You cry out as Jimin tugs off your daughters clothes.

“Is it anthrax?!” Hyunah calls as she stands up.

Your heart is beating so voraciously, you can barely hear her. 

Like time is moving in slow motion, you pull your powder covered daughter into your arms knocking your husband out of the wag before dashing into the kitchen and turning the water on.

Tears brim in your eyes as you sit Hawon down into the sink. She can feel your nervousness, see your tears and she begins to get frightened herself. 

“Mommy?” She whimpers as you douse her in the lukewarm water.

“It’s baby powder.” Yoongi calls from the living room as Jimin runs his hands over her small limbs. You can't even remember him following behind you.

He breathes a sigh of relief and you crumple to your knees before wailing loudly. 

You feel arms wrapping around your body in an instant and you know it’s Hyejin from the feeling of her skinny arms.

“Shhhh.” She shushes you as she combs your hair behind your ear. 

“I’m going to fucking kill them.” You cry out feebly as you press your hand to your heart.

Hawon begins to cry as Jimin kisses the top of her head multiple times.

“It’s okay. Mommy was just scared.” He whispers, his voice cracking as he holds her tightly. 

Burying your face in your knees, your nails begin to dig into the flesh of your palms. No one would be getting away with this. 

No one.

[kumkaniudaku]

Our Thing

Happy Valentine’s Day, guys. Here’s one of the two things I plan on writing. I consider all of you my Valentine’s since I never have one, so here’s something before the clock strikes 12. 

Work Count: 2k

Warnings: Not yet proofread

“I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“What? Of course, it’s a good idea! I’m the king of good ideas!”

Voices bounced off of the walls of the Brooklyn apartment building as Chad and CoCo walked side by side to the apartment at the end of the hallway.

The snow lining the sidewalks outside were typical of mid-February, giving Tasha more of a reason to stay inside on the cold Friday. But her friend insisted she leave the dark cocoon she had created for herself in her apartment just across the water in New Jersey.

Valentine’s Day was the designated time of the year to celebrate love. Chadwick had a reason to celebrate, but CoCo could no longer say the same. After months of turmoil and emotional abuse, she was a single woman again and dreading the mere thought of loving someone else. So, she planned to avoid all mentions of love and relationships for the foreseeable future. Even if that meant neglecting tradition.

“Look, Chad, we can celebrate on the 15th! This feels so...weird.”

“We celebrate Valentine’s Day together every year. We can’t skip out this year.”

“I feel like having a girlfriend is the perfect reason to miss a year,” CoCo deadpanned as they reached their intended destination. She could practically feel the excitement buzzing from the other side of the door in the form of Toni Braxton’s greatest hits so far, and started to feel bad for the woman she’d come face to face with for the first time.

“Why miss a year when we can celebrate together? And you get to meet my lady for the first time. It’ll be fun.”

“Fun my ass,” Tasha mumbled into the thick scarf around her neck, earning a look from Chadwick.

“Wanna share that with the class, Miss Greene?”

“Knock on the damn door!”

A muffled feminine voice announced that she was gearing up to answer the door adding to the uneasiness in the pit of CoCo’s belly. She knew that if she was on the other side of this encounter, seeing a woman with her boyfriend on date night would insight a riot.

When the door opened to reveal the woman she only knew as Jay, she was more than shocked at what met her. Jay was beautiful. Her slim figure came with a few curves to compliment her height. She was graceful beyond compare and impeccably dressed, making Tasha feel incredibly bland in comparison.

“Hi, baby,” Jay sang as she wrapped her arms around Chadwick and went in for a kiss. If Tasha had rolled her eyes any harder, they would’ve fallen from her skull and rolled all the way back to New Jersey to beat her home. Catching wind of another presence, Jay offered a courteous smile.

“Oh, hi! Did he forget to give you a tip downstairs?”

“A tip,” CoCo asked, obviously offended and a bit confused.

“A tip for the cab ride. I know it was hell driving in this snow. Just let me grab my purse.”

Chadwick could see Tasha’s struggle to maintain her composure, her mouth opening and closing with words she couldn’t produce.

“You know what? I’m going home. Call me to let me know you got back to your place safely.”

“No, wait,” he exclaimed before grabbing Tasha’s elbow and pulling her back to her original spot despite her struggle to pull away. Noticing the commotion, Jay turned back to Chadwick and Tasha with her brows quirked in confusion.

“Am I missing something.”

“Nope. I’ll just take my tip and be on my w-”

“Jay, this is my best friend Tasha that I’ve been telling you about. Co, this is Jayme Dubois, my girlfriend.”

A brief and unpleasant stare off preceded a chipper energy shift as Jayme went in for a hug. “CoCo, how are you! I have heard so much about you.”

“Yeah well, don’t believe any of it,” CoCo forced out between fake laughter while she made faces at Chadwick over Jayme’s shoulder.

“I’ll keep that in mind. So, what brings you over? Do you have a date in this complex? I always knew white boy Rick liked Black women.”

“Actually, Muffin, I was thinking she could spend Valentine’s Day with us. It’s been tradition for us to spend the holiday together and we don’t wanna break it.”

“So you want Tasia -”

“It’s Tasha,” CoCo interrupted in the most obnoxious tone she could muster.

“Right...Tasha. You want Tasha to spend Valentine’s Day with us? Tonight? Even though this is a couple’s holiday? Couple as in two, mind you.”

“Yes, Jay. It would really mean a lot to me.”

Jayme looked between a visibly annoyed Tasha and the pleading eyes of her boyfriend before letting go of a long sigh and stepping aside to usher her companions for the night inside.

Tasha took in her surroundings and quietly marveled. Though small because what seemed to be standard in New York, Jayme’s dwelling was equal parts colorful and classic. Had she not started the interaction on such a bad note, Tasha would’ve complimented her on the statement couch that matched her ornate rug, but she kept it to herself out of spite.

“So since we have one more, what are our plans for the night, honey bear?”

Chadwick caught the slight scrunch in CoCo’s face and ignored it to refrain from explaining the embarrassing nickname. “Well, we can still go see Definitely, Maybe like you wanted, but instead of dinner in the park, Tasha got us a reservation at this really nice Italian spot in the city.”

“I called in a favor from work. It was no big deal.”

Jayme disregarded CoCo’s smile as she took a sip from her water bottle and sat on the arm of the chair Chadwick occupied. Her hands rubbed patronizing circles around his shoulders and back, forcing Tasha to look away to save the awkward moment.

“Well, it seems like you too already have this figured out, so I’ll just grab my coat. Do you have any more suggestions, CoCo?”

“Nooope.” Tasha sang the word through gritted teeth forced into a smile. Chadwick gave her a sympathetic look before helping Jayme into her coat and ushering each woman safely out of the building.

Tasha remained the front wheel of the tricycle, preferring to stay in front of the couple to refrain from looking like the unwanted third party. With every audible kiss and nauseatingly affectionate gesture, CoCo felt her heart tighten. It wasn’t seeing Chadwick with another woman that had her fighting back tears in the theatre. She needed the sight to push her feelings for him to the furthest corner of her mind. It was the pain of knowing that she had just detached from one of the worst situations in her life, yet wanted to be with him to cure the loneliness she felt.

If she had it her way, she’d cry it out until the work week resumed on Monday in the comfort of her own home, but continued to engage in the conversation when the moment presented itself to appease Chadwick.

In a restaurant full of couples, Jayme, Chadwick, and Tasha were the only threesome in the center of the establishment. Nervous energy characterized the silence left behind when Chadwick excused himself to the restroom, leaving the women in his life to avoid eye contact.

Relief came in the form of a stout waiter visiting the table to collect dinner orders. Without realizing that the order would be incomplete without the third member of the group, the women ordered traditional dishes and wine for the table.

“And the young man? What will he have?”

“Oh! Ummm, I’m not sure,” Jayme responded as she fumbled through the menu. “Maybe you could come back in a few minutes?”

“He’ll have the Parmigiana w/ Pasta, but please be light on the sauce. He gets heartburn from all the tomatoes.”

The waiter took heed of Tasha’s warning before walking away, leaving Jayme to burn a hole in the top of Tasha’s head while she sorted through emails on her cell phone.

“How long did you say you and Chadwick have been friends?”

“Since Fall 1996. So coming up on 13 years,” Tasha answered, looking up to find an indecipherable look on Jayme’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“I just - you know him so well. His favorite candy, where he likes to sit in the theatre, what he eats at certain restaurants. I don’t know if I can keep up.”

The process of finding the right words to assure Jayme, Chadwick returned to the table and unknowingly ended the conversation before it could truly begin.

“Never in my life did I think I’d have to stand in line to use the men’s restroom. I applaud y’all for doing that,” he complained as he took his seat. “Has the waiter come back for orders yet?”

“He did actually. Tasha got you Parmigiana w/ Pasta.” Jayme secretly hoped that Chadwick would reject the choice and ask for a second go at the ordering process. She was met with the complete opposite.

“Hell yeah!” His fist met Tasha’s across the table in his childlike excitement. “I love that shit.”

“Language, honey bear.”

“Sorry, Muffin.”

“Wow,” Tasha whispered to herself, unaware that the others around the table could hear her.

“Did you want to say something, Tasha?”

“Noooope.”

The table fell silent to give way to the idle chatter in the area around them. Chadwick looked between his girlfriend and best friend trying to find a way to get them to interact with each other cordially.

“So, Co, Jayme has been trying to get into basketball lately.”

“Oh really.” Tasha was clearly uninterested as she continued to read emails on her phone from weeks ago. A subtle kick underneath her table made her look up and noticed Chadwick’s non-verbal urging for her to at least pretend to care. “Which team are you interested in, Jayme?”

“I really like the Nets! Trenton Hassell to be exact.”

“Do you? Because he averages less than two points a game. There’s not much to like.”

“Trenton is your friend’s boyfriend right, Jay?”

“Does it matter now? Tasha basically called him a bad player.”

“Not bad, per se. He’s terrible. That’s a better adjective.”

“Oh-kay,” Chadwick interjected to end the escalating conversation. “Jay, how’s work at the fashion house going?”

“Ugh, it is amazing! We got some new pieces last night and they are beautiful. Maybe you could come browse one day, Tasha. Style can always use an update.”

“I consider myself more Maxine than Regine. Thanks though. I’m sure the pieces are nice.”

Tasha successfully contained her laughter at Jayme’s expression, feeling her first surge of happiness for the day.

Chadwick felt helpless as the night continued and each attempt at joining two of his favorite women ended in a snarky comment or shady look. Dinner provided a welcome activity that didn’t require group conversation, giving him the opportunity to cater to each woman. The longer they sat and contemplated grabbing cheesecake inside the restaurant or settling for ice cream on the way home, the more he could feel Jayme disconnecting.

“Muffin, do you want the strawberry cheesecake for here or to go,” he asked as she slid her coat from the back of her chair and collected her purse.

“Actually, I don’t feel so well, honey bear. I’m gonna head home.”

“What? So soon? We didn’t even get to dessert.”

Tasha watched Jayme put on her best “sick” face and gagged internally at Chadwick falling for the charade. Jayme was far from physically sick. If she was feeling anything, it was annoyance at the fact that her boyfriend’s best friend had spent the most romantic night of the year taking the attention from her.

“Well, let me walk you outside and wait for the cab to come.”

“Thank you, honey bear.” Jayme accepted Chadwick’s help into her coat, purposely ignoring Tasha until the last second. “Good night, Tasha. Maybe we’ll see each other for another occasion. Hopefully in a less...crowded environment.”

Tasha released a short chuckle before plastering on a fake smile, “Right. I’ll pencil you into my calendar.”

Jayme offered another fake smile and nod before leading the way out of the restaurant into the Brooklyn streets.

“I’ll pencil you in and the erase that shit. Fuck her.”

Time started to drag as she sat at the table alone, looking more foolish with three plates crowding her space than playing seat warmer for the world’s cutest couple. A glance out of the window gave her access to the tail end of Jayme’s departure. Her inability to peel her eyes away from the private moment showed her two things: Chadwick was far more interested in Jayme than she was in him, and she was clearly upset despite the kiss and hug she provided before disappearing into the backseat of her taxi.

Moments later, Chadwick took the seat directly across from Tasha and sighed.

“Go ahead. Tell me that you told me so.”

“I’m not gonna say that friend,” Tasha smiled. “All I’ll say is you’re gonna need one of these cheesecakes to go because mama is PISSED.”

“You think so?”

“Oh, I know so. But, I’m here to help with gift ideas to make up for this dumbass idea. And I ordered us dessert.”

Chadwick’s ear perked at the sound of a sugar rush to end a night full of terrible decisions. “Did you get the cookie thing with the-”

“The vanilla bean ice cream on top? C’mon now! You know me!” Without hesitation, the pair completed their signature handshake before sitting back in their seats.  “Sorry for ruining your date, Aaron. I’ll pay the tab as a peace offering.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it. I’ll make it up to her. You know there’s a reason she calls me honey bear.”

“Gross. Please, don’t finish that sentence. And what the fuck is Muffin? Are you a white TV dad now?”

Chadwick’s deep belly laugh at CoCo’s expense continued until their shared dessert was placed between them. Instructing Tasha to pick up her spoon, Chadwick began a pseudo-toast.

“To another Valentine’s Day spend together and many more to come!”

Their spoons clinked together in solidarity before the argument of who would get which portion of the cookie began, ending the most romantic day of the year the only way they knew how: together.

                                  _______________

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Random, Useless Headcanons | Accepting

i like how i keep labeling this meme as “accepting” when i have…. 260 of these right here.

1: Has he driven a car before? Yes. Should he be allowed to keep driving? No.

2: You know that “I’m washing me and my clothes!” vine? That’s Jane. It’s efficient.

3: If you gave him Cat Food he’d say it’s the best thing he’d ever tasted.

4: Before going to Poland to serve his time, he hired a sex worker. Her touch would be the last non-violent physical contact he would feel for the next 9 or so years.

5: 

6: He donates a healthy sum of his paychecks to wild animal and veteran charities. 

7: Jane’s ‘friendship’ with Merasmus is the longest relationship he’s ever held.

8: Jane doesn’t believe in the number 8.

9: He doesn’t have any titty mags, but he does have tasteful pin-up for the inside of his locker.

10: He’s an excellent swimmer - but will sometimes forget to hold his breath. 

11: Getting Jane to imprint on you like a baby bird is really easy. Be strong, be patriotic, be funny, be determined. 

12: He trusts everything he’s told from someone he views as a friend.

13: He’s been on BLU before - it was brief.., a WAR! got started and ended. A few years went by and he was balanced to RED

14: Continuation of 13, it was… very easy to get him to believe he was always on RED team.

15: He loves fighting robots - but nothing compares to the feeling of a neck snapping in his hands.

16: He taught himself how to use every weapon he came across in Poland - it took a few years before he ran into a rocket launcher…. His life was changed from that moment onward.

17: His knowledge of the US military comes from tv and stories from veteran home he was forced to work at through his older years at the orphanage. (Outdated or complete bullshit.)

18: The liveliness of America is just one of the innumerable reasons he loves the country. Even things he hates (like.. war protesters/hippies) have this determination in them that makes him proud.

19: He’ll pick ear wax out of his ear, sniff it, grimace, and happily hold the finger out to somebody near him.

20: He only wants the best for you.

21: Getting him to realize he’s actually ended civilian’s lives is a conversation that would take over an hour. His brain has the wildest, irrationally rational excuses ever. (”Officer Miss Pauling, what I am about to say will SHOCK you; I was framed” will never make me not lose my mind. ilove him)

22: His moral compass is, admittedly, terrible, but he genuinely wants the best for people in the world.

23: Helping people, serving his country, that’s his goal. That all he wants out of life. He’s a cog in the machine of war and he loves it.

24: Consequences don’t exist in Jane’s world.

25: He’s so fucking bisexual. This headcanon is not useless at all.

26: Jane snores like a chainsaw - and will then be absolutely silent for spaces of minutes.

27: He never covers his face when he sneezes.

28: He’s very touchy feely - A way to make up for what he so clearly craves.

29: But god this man wants to be touched.

30: As much as Jane holds back on admitting to weakness, he’s also just a genuinely honest guy so simple prodding usually gets him to spill.

31: Jane has never purposefully manipulated someone in his life.

32: He’s only ever seen one movie. Well, more like registered he always zones out at some point. Sometimes starting the movie in a day dream and zoning back in to catch the ending. The movie he’s fully seen was watched through 3 separate sessions.

33: War films, what he does catch, always make him cry.

34: With everyone he meets; Jane immediately thinks of two things. How to kill them. And what to say when holding their guts into their dying corpse and crying to the sky.

35: He has no idea he’s beautiful.

36: Jane doesn’t have a self-effacing bone in his body.

37: He chews with his mouth open, and speaks with his mouth full. He’ll also snap at someone else to stop talking with their mouth full, it’s disrespectful.

38: Jane had a dream where he beat Communism and thought it was true for a whole year.

39: He’s not dumb on purpose. He has nothing to gain by making people think he’s an idiot, as far as he’s concerned. He acts like himself 24/7

40: Jane invented that song Fifty Nifty United States song that’s song in elementary schools.

41: You know those kiddie leashes? You could put one of those on Jane and he wouldn’t be, like, “Okay.” Try and run off and be like “What contraption is holding me here?!?!?!”

42: The answer to life, the universe, and everything is American Apple Pie

43: i just realized im gonna get to answer a headcanon 69 and got excited. UHH jane likes the color red.

44: Jane likes the color blue.

45: Jane likes the color white.

46: Jane loves all skin colors, anybody can be American.

47: Has he retained any American history? Haha. Ha. No.

48: Jane was taken out of elementary school for bad behavior, lack of attention, and general ruckus.

49: His orphanage never tried to send him back to any schooling. 

50: Jane was born July 4th, he doesn’t know that, despite claiming it.

51: He’s not an amnesiac - he’s never had a strong sense for long-term memories. 

52: God, he loves bread.

53: And also he loves taking everything Engineer says literally. He’s such a wise American.

54: Jane would absolute trollface and say “Problem?”

55: He would never say a slur.

56: Jane does not use fuck as a curse ever. He’ll say it, but like, to mean, y’know.

57: He’s a follower, don’t tell him that. He’ll get offended. 

58: Jane is convinced the President is the most powerful being in the world, and is also granted special powers.

59: Jane is progressive, baybee. He thinks dogs should vote!!

60: UNLESS IT HAS TO DO WITH WAR. Then he’s, like, a total bootlicker.

61: He’ll beat up racists in bars.

62: Jane really came alive during Grey Mann’s first robot attacks - for the second time he felt like he was protecting America and not some Very Important American Gravel. 

63: If Jane ever got sentenced to prison, he’d just serve his time.

64: He has Lawyer Powers given to him by magic, and he is not afraid to use them.

65: Besides Scout, he has represented himself, Lt. Bites, and the state of Tennessee in court.

66: He was a bad roommate, he genuinely thought Merasmus was an even worse roommate. 

67: Extreme Cold is a surefire way to trigger his PTSD. He doesn’t act all that different verbally, but he becomes entire still. Not even moving to shiver. It’s like he automatically transfers to late stage hypothermia.

68: Jane may have never played baseball, but he’s briefly been on a bowling team.

69: ayyyyy. Jane always returns the favor, if ya know what i mean.

70: I can’t tell you how much he can lift because I know nothing about fitness, but it’s a lot. And it’s impressive. 

71: Jane practices unsafe workout routines! It’s a miracle lifting without a spotter hasn’t killed him yet.

72: He makes up for his genuine stupidity with Pure Luck.

73: He’ll kill, he’ll maim, but he won’t assault. 

74: Jane’s favorite chocolate is Hershey’s.

75: He’s convinced Milton Hershey, founder of Hershey’s Chocolate, was a President despite him being alive in Jane’s lifetime.

76: Jane isn’t afraid of gay thoughts, never payed attention to period typical homophobia going on around him therefor never got a chance to develop it.

77: Jane would totally be the type of guy to see one of those Fireman Calendars and zone out staring at some dudes pecs and someone asks him if he’s okay and he’s like “I’m ogay.”

78: It’s a miracle, the first time Jane rocket jumped, his legs weren’t blown off. He was injured from the fall, surprised he’d gotten air at all. It was an accident and, while he’d never go to recreate it during his time in Poland, when he’d gotten hooked up to respawn and he saw all the high perches, the trick reoccured to him.

79: He loved Tavish so much

80: He was born in Tennessee, although he grew up in Wisconsin.

81: He’ll make odd little sounds - aborted sentences, thoughts lost to the depths of his brain. You can point them out and he’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.

82: He could have a possum mixed in with his raccoons and think it’s a raccoon.

83: He takes his Ranger Job very seriously. Just as serious as he does all his jobs. (So, you know. Not… very.) He is very enthusiastic at least!

84: He’s not empathetic at all, however energies at Large in a room really affect him. Chances are, if everyone’s in good favor, he’ll be really happy and relaxed - even if previously grumpy.

85: Jane can be really grumpy, that’s when his drill sergeant personality shines through - more often than not, he’s just a good natured loud patriot rolling with the punches of life.

86: He believes in the Judeo-Christian God, but also… believes the president is stronger than God? Sometimes? Depends on the situation. What is blasphemy haha?!?

87: Jane always wanted a puppy - meeting Bites, future Lieutenant, was like a dream come true to him.

88: Plus, he’d always liked raccoons - often responsible for tipping over dumpsters at his orphanage to help the little critters.

89: Jane can and will eat out of the garbage if not stopped.

90: He’s very passionate and strict about what he knows are fact (the issue is, facts can change pretty easily in jane’s head.

91: Good thing he has a helmet because Jane’s puppy-dog eyes are the sort that are clearly un-practiced and unintentional and thus made all the more soul-wrenching. 

92: He’s always surprised by doorbells.

93: Jane would never smoke weed of his own volition, but under the influence, everything would make So Much Sense to him.

94: I’m talking the wildest stoner sayings, that always are so structurally sound it’s scary.

95: This man loves cashews.

96: “Mm crunchy things.. good.” - Shared thought by Jane and Lt. Bites.

97: Lt. Bites likes to curl up on Jane’s stomach when he’s sleeping. Jane often wakes up with his face covered in scratches and fur in his mouth. Much like the Soldier, the Lieutenant isn’t quite a sound sleeper.

98: Fuck, like, he loves cashews so much? The texture is amazing.

99: Jane has no illegitimate or legitimate children.

100: Jane loves his team almost as much as he loves America.

101: IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR scroll back up and read everything, LOSER otherwise… wow………you love soldier. me too…… 

CONTINUED HERE

[samuelfields]

Reflecting On Being A Stay At Home Dad For Two Years: Eight Takeaways

I still remember the day my son was born like it was yesterday. After only about an hour of labor he joined us in this world at 11:58 pm. It was the greatest moment of both our lives.

From that time forward, we pledged to care for him as best we could. In a big way, all the years of saving and investing were to prepare for this moment that we could both be stay at home parents.

As first-time parents, we didn’t know what to expect. So we figured having both of us care for our boy would be the optimal way to go.

Here’s my personal reflection as a stay at home dad for the past two years. I’ve sent this post to his e-mail account for him to read when he’s a little bit older.

Reflecting On Being A Stay At Home Dad For Two Years

1) Losing income is hard, but losing time is harder. Due to being a stay at home dad for two years, I’ve lost out on between $400,000 – $1,000,000 in income. With 18-20 years of experience in finance and online media, getting a $200,000 – $250,000 a year job + restricted stock units is very possible in the SF Bay Area. If I were to go back to banking, my base salary would be $250,000 a year + bonuses equal to 0% – 200% of base salary.

Although losing out on so much income is hard given we now have more expenses taking care of our son, I wouldn’t miss out on the first two years of my son’s life for any amount of money.

You could give me a billion dollars, and if I had to be away from home for 14 hours a day to make that money, I would decline. I’ve spent time with billionaires before, and they are just like you and me, except they fly private everywhere.

Over the past two years, I have witnessed his every milestone: his first smile, his first rollover, his first crawl, his first steps, his first words, and so many more. Each milestone witnessed felt like a blessing. I hope due to all the time both of us have spent with him, we will have an even stronger bond as he grows up.

I’ve gotten to know a couple of nannies over the two years and they have told me how they won’t tell the parents about new milestones so that the parents can think they are first time witnesses.

I knew I could always make more money but I could never create more time with our son.

Related: Career Or Family? You Only Have To “Sacrifice” At Most 5 Years

2) Hardest job in the world without a doubt. For all the stay at home parents out there, I salute you! And for all the single parents out there, you have my deepest admiration.

Working 14 hours a day in banking where there’s constant pressure to produce is a walk in the park in comparison to full-time fatherhood.

With full-time fatherhood, you are on 24/7 due to risk of injury or death by the child. The first year of life is the most fragile, which is why you’re always on high alert for choking, suffocation, tumbles, running into a corner, and so forth.

I kept reading stories about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), which were all so incredibly heartbreaking. For the first year, this paranoia wouldn’t let me sleep uninterrupted for more than 3-4 hours. Back is best and get rid of all the blankets and pillows in the crib please.

Once your child starts to verbalize his or her desires, it’s all about repetition. My son loves garage doors and will say the words “garage door,” “double-wide garage door,” “quadruple wide brown garage door” etc over and over again. He’ll then open and close garage door toys a hundred times in a row. I’ve got to repeat the words and open and close the doors with him. Otherwise, he knows I’m not paying attention.

I’ve also heard whines, screams, and crying 3 – 6X a day for 730+ days in a row. In the beginning, this was quite a shock to the system because we never had any of this since my wife and I started shacking up in 2001. Our boy is a top 1% chatterbox and super determined individual. If he can’t do something or doesn’t get what he wants, he definitely makes himself heard or felt!

Over time, things are getting better as he’s able to verbally communicate his needs and desires. He’s no longer as frustrated because he can tell us he’s tired, thirsty, hungry, sad, and so forth.

And here’s the kicker. My wife did around 70% of the care-taking largely due to nursing needs, and I still felt being a stay at home dad was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. One must develop incredible patience and endurance to survive.

3) Have children and the money will come. Although both my wife and I gave up healthy salaries to raise our boy full-time, we were somehow able to make more money each year after he was born.

When you have a child, your mind and body go into overdrive to try and provide as much care and support as possible. As a result, you gain even more energy to find ways to financially support your family.

In my case, instead of waking up between 5:30 am – 6:15 am to start the day and work on Financial Samurai, I began waking between 3:30 am – 4:30 am to try and get more done before our son would wake up between 7 am – 8 am.

I did not quit because I knew I could not. My family depended on me.

If he has had a particularly poor sleeping night, I would try and take over for a couple hours to allow for my wife to sleep in or decompress. I’d also try to nap as many times as possible during his mid-day nap so that I too could recharge for the afternoon and evening sessions.

After our boy went to bed, usually between 7:30pm-9pm, it was often Netflix, catching up on work stuff I’d postponed during the day, and preparing myself for the next day.

Once he turned 24 months old, our son now has the ability to go from 6:30am – 7:30pm non-stop with no naps several days a week.

Just the other day I took him on a 1 hour 20 minute walk in the morning around our hilly neighborhood. I would have bet anything he’d take a two hour nap after lunch. But he just kept right on going until 8pm!

Overall, we are talking about 4:00am – 10pm days on average with a 45 minute nap in the middle of the day.

As the saying goes, “the days are long and the years are short.”

4) Easy to gain weight and get sick. When all you’re doing is caring for your baby at home, it’s extremely easy to gain weight. I went from around 168 lbs to 173 lbs, even though I was consciously trying not to overeat.

But after about the 18th month, I started losing weight and am back down to about 166 – 169 lbs. The main reason why is because I’ve started to take my boy on almost daily walks. I also went back to playing tennis three days a week.

For men who are looking to have a baby and stay at home, I suggest trying to lose 5 – 10 lbs before your baby is born. That way, you’ll have a 5 – 10 lbs buffer for the inevitability.

Another downer is the increased frequency of getting sick after the first year. Our boy got his first cold at 12 months old. Then he started getting sick about once a quarter as we interacted more with the public.

His sickness spread to us, and we found ourselves frequently battling colds as well. Luckily, neither my wife or have have been sick at the same time.

Ideal healthy weight chart for men

5) Nannies aren’t paying close enough attention. I’m really sad to report this but after spending over 150 sessions in a public setting (park, museum, playground, etc), the vast majority of nannies (90%+) are on their phones the entire time they are supposed to be watching over your child.

Every time I play chase with my boy, there will inevitably be 2-3 kids who will play along because their nannies are not playing with them. I’ve seen countless falls by 11-16-month-olds just learning to walk because their nannies are not paying attention.

I often wonder whether one of the reasons for slow speech development is because the nanny simple does not spend enough time speaking to their child or describing things to the child as they happen. We parents should be verbally describing everything our children are doing and seeing to help them learn. But with nannies, what I’ve observed is largely silence.

If you are having difficulty deciding whether to return to work or staying home to take care of your child, I recommend you chose to stay home if your can afford to. Nobody will care more about your child than you. It’s not even close.

Many of us are addicted to our mobile phones. The nannies I’ve seen take it to the next level. It’s like they’re getting paid for being on the phone!

If you go the nanny route, I would explicitly tell them to stay off their phones during play time. Whether they do so or not is up to them. But at least you’ve voiced your desires and there’s a greater chance your nanny will follow your instructions.

It is completely sad and a wee bit alarming to have a little one come up to me, a stranger, and ask me to play with them because they are being completely ignored.

6) There was no discrimination. You sometimes hear stories about moms excluding dads from conversations or moms whispering mean words about dads being stay at home parents.

Out of all my outings, I have never once been discriminated against or been made to feel embarrassed or bad for being a stay at home parent. None of my friends have taken jabs at me either.

Maybe it’s because I live in San Francisco, where we’re very accepting of people. Maybe it’s because my wife was also with me during most public settings. Or maybe it’s because I’m a proud dad who is more impervious to the disapproval of others.

Don’t let our insecurities run amuck.

Once I went with a moms group walk around Golden Gate Park and we decided to take a break under a large tree. All the moms started to breastfeed their children, but only one had a shawl. It frankly felt weird to be around the group, so I decided to take a short walk instead.

For all the stay at home dads out there who would rather say you retired early, are a freelancer or entrepreneur, you don’t have to be ashamed that your wife or partner is bringing home the bacon.

Embrace your occupation as a stay at home dad. It is the most important job in the world!

7) Wish I started sooner. I find that men are a little to relaxed about when to have children because we don’t have the same biological deadline as women do. We like to avoid the subject for as long as possible. But this is not fair to women who want to have children. Have a mature discussion early in your relationship.

Physically, I’m still holding up pretty well. But I’m definitely not as limber as I used to be and it takes me longer to recover from a cold or a sports injury. After about age 45, I’m not sure if my body would be able to handle all the necessary bending over and carrying any more.

Having one kid makes me want to have a second. Therefore, it’s good to plan as much as possible. Even if you plan, it might take longer than expected to have a child.

If you know you want to have children, it’s better to have them sooner rather than later. Not only will your body be able to better handle childcare, but your kids might also be able to spend more time with their aging grandparents.

See: When Is The Best Time To Have A Baby

8) You never feel like you’re doing enough. I’m constantly in awe of my wife because of her patience, kindness, and ability to naturally feed our boy when he was a baby.

As a stay at home dad, my son and I have a close connection, but it’s not as close as the connection he has with his mom. As a result, I used to feel a little sad when he cried out for mommy while I was right there playing with him.

What am I, chop liver or something? I’d sometimes think to myself.

Because I’m unable to nurse our boy, I try to make up for my deficiency in other ways: cleaning, driving, grocery shopping, playing, washing dishes, ordering food and so forth. I’d throw myself deep into my work in order to feel the power of being a provider.

Slowly, I’m starting to feel more worthy of being a father. As he gets older I hope all he’ll want to do is play with his old man. It’s just such a weird feeling to never feel like you’re doing enough no matter how hard you try.

Proud To Be A SAHD

After two years of being a stay at home dad, I’m firmly on the side of the rest of the world that provides 6 – 12 months of parental leave after having a baby.

For a woman to return to work within three months seems cruel, especially if a C-section is involved. All a baby wants to do at that age is be with his or her parents.

One doctor said it best, “Nine months to create, nine months to heal.” If male managers and CEOs were at home every day helping their wives recover, they would be more empathetic as well.

Unfortunately, companies aren’t in the business of subsidizing our personal life decisions regarding having children. My hope is that American institutions will soon start to offer some type of token paid parental time off for at least the first child.

At the end of the day, I know my wife and I have tried our very best to raise him so far. Looking back, the two years went by quickly. Looking forward, I’m hoping for many more wonderful experiences.

Are there any stay at home dads out there who would like to share what it was like for you? Stay at home moms feel free to share your thoughts and also how your husband or partner has helped or how we dads can do more.

The post Reflecting On Being A Stay At Home Dad For Two Years: Eight Takeaways appeared first on Financial Samurai.

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[3asonelove]

CDD story

So as a bit of a hobby I started writing in my spare time nothing serious lol. Just a little BDSM story here and there. I usually pick a topic or see what conversation with friends inspires. I like the taboo thing but, nothing too far out. Im enjoying it even though its mostly not my thing. I enjoy a spanking here and there, a little rough play but, what I write abojt is more for others. Anyways: here is my first story. Its about a girl name Christine and she is in a Christian domestic discipline relationship lol. Enjoy:

I used to tell people: “I always love my husband, just some days I am not in-love with him”. Since beginning a Cdd relationship, I can honestly say “I am in love all the time”!!!! This is my journey from a love that was such a burden to both myself, and my husband, but is transforming everyday into a beautiful, deep, eternal love. But to understand it you really have to have a little history… My name is Christine. I have been married to my best friend for over 10 years. We have 3 beautiful children. I started home schooling them not for educational reasons, but more to save them from the corruption in the staff (child molestation, and selling drugs to students) and wayward friends. Plus I have a very strong belief in the mother’s basic animalistic right to protect her young in all that could harm them, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We have been members of a very conservative church since my husband was baptized several years ago. Following his lead, I was baptized just months later. I was ecstatic when I found this site (to say the least), and amazed by your convictions and resolve! I have NEVER entered into a forum and I’m not sure how my current confusion would benefit anyone on a public forum. That said, I feel comfortable coming to you because you seem very wise and non-judgmental. I have been glued to your site for days (hubby is out of town on business) and would really like to spill to someone who won’t judge me. I have never spoken to anyone about this, except my hubby. His family is… how do I say this nicely? Very much set in their uppity ways. And my family believes Southern women are to be tough, ‘give as much as you take’, 'and raise cane doing it’ type of people. My mother and father have each been married to and divorced from 5 different people, which I think shows that their beliefs on strong southern women are way off. Just to give you perspective on how binding I thought marriage’s were: As the preacher was saying “Till Death Do You Part” I was thinking “Or until I file for divorce”. That didn’t help our marriage in those early years. It also didn’t help that I was 19 and he was 21 when we started dating, and by 20 I was married. We had a lot of growing up to do, and began growing apart. When the kids were born I became a stay at home 'super-mom’. I know now that I was acting more like a “martyr”. Even though I loved my privilege to keep my kids home, my husband’s 'you sit at home all day’ attitude left me feeling devalued. I became resentful and felt like the unrecognized 'glue’ of our family and it ate at me all day. My hubby always came home from work and entered a war zone. We became verbally abusive to each other, and I dropped the ’D’ Bomb in EVERY fight. This attitude didn’t change until a few years ago when a good friend pointed out to me, in a very lovingly blunt way, that if I divorced my husband, in God’s eyes, I would be committing adultery with any future husbands. My parents had neglected to tell me that… go figure. Finally, I had that conviction! I honestly never thought I would. Because of God’s infinite wisdom my husband was blessed to be born in a family that never divorced, so he played the part of reeling me back in when my instinct was to run far and fast. He really suffered a lot for God, me, and our children. The sins of the father I suppose… only it was MY father’s sin that I held B to. After I started attending Wed. morning Bible classes at our Church, teaching Sunday School and VBS (and basically surrounding myself in the Word) I started understanding that I wasn’t the 'glue’ that held us together after all, but rather the fire that weakened the glue. I started appreciating my blessing to stay at home, and did my chores, as God commands, with love and a meek spirit, in the truth that I was doing HIS work. By simply allowing my role to fulfill me and bring me joy I made our home a welcoming place for my husband and became his soft place in this world. Despite this, I still noticed myself at times being blatantly disrespectful, both at home and in public. I felt miserable every time because I was continuously failing in my convictions. Not to mention embarrassing my husband and causing him to become angry and frustrated with little or no recourse. So that you can understand my hubby… B is a kind, warm, loving man, who always puts me second only to God. He finds a way to get me everything I want and need even if it seems out of reach. ie… He drives a less expensive car so my children and I can drive around in a nice, new SUV because he says he worries less about us when he knows the car is safe and won’t break down. I wanted a fourth child and he didn’t, yet he agreed to let me do In Vitro, which I did to no avail for 7 grueling months, but we went through it because I wanted to (basically supporting my deepest desires despite his own). I know how to push his buttons and have done/said things that would send most men 'over the edge’ yet he remains calm and steadfast in his love and devotion. As Genesis points out… He is my ribcage and I am his rib! A couple months ago, while searching for ways to curb my attitude, I came across a DD site (Taken in Hand). It brought back a long forgotten memory of a good whack on the bottom I received just two months into our marriage for acting like a “brat”. Of course, at that time I was appalled. I was young & hot tempered; I called my Mom and left. After a few days, I went back home, but that taught my husband that he was never to do that to me again. And he didn’t. You can imagine his surprise when I showed him the aforementioned site I was reading. I allowed him to think about what we had read for several days without discussion (meaning I didn’t ask him his thoughts right away). Then I told him, “I think that this lifestyle may work for us”, and at that time gave him “blanket consent”. He was very hesitant, and rightly so. I was very passive about it, knowing that he had been burned by my younger, less-wise self. I decided not to say anymore to him about the matter and for the next few weeks I demonstrated a very submissive spirit. Then one night in bed, while making pillow talk, I said something playfully sassy and he playfully swatted my rear. That “playfulness” continued for a while and I noticed him really watching for my response. I kept the mood lite and continued my “submissive in all things” attitude. Then, I watched my marriage change slowly, day by day, into an amazingly deep and fulfilling love. One like I have never experienced before, and had never even seen before in any of my friend’s or family’s relationships (even the ones who had been together for 25+ years). Then one day… He came home early to find the kids watching TV, and no sign of me. When he finally stepped outside he spotted me out on the back 40 and gave me a look that could pierce the heart. I do not make it a habit to leave my kids alone even to ride the line but they are not young children and they knew all they had to do was come yell for me from the drive and I would be back. Unfortunately, they did not relay that to my husband. This alone had him fit to be tied. I politely said goodbye to our hired-hand, and headed in. As I was walking in the back door, my hubby was walking out the front to attend a business dinner. I saw that he had come home early so he could bring us dinner before his meeting. I felt really bad, like I had let him down, but I wasn’t really sure how. Well, that was cleared up real quick. He called from the car just minutes after leaving and told me I was to be in our room, pants off, when he came home. Then I asked why he was so mad at me. The pit of my stomach dropped when he said, “you know your doctor said not to walk anywhere without your boot-cast on your leg unless you were on crutches, you could have broken that fractured bone”. (He’s right. I have fractured that same bone 4 times already.) I quickly put my boot-cast on and busied myself in tidying up the house, and then I took a shower. I was trying to calm down because at this point I knew there wasn’t going to be any playfulness involved. I kept saying to myself; What have I done? What was I thinking? Why did I tell him I wanted to do this? He is over a foot taller than me, and outweighs me by 140 lbs. He could really hurt me! I prayed that GOD would stop this punishment from happening. I tried to come up with ways that I could tell him I changed my mind and was revoking the previously given blanket consent. I was in a full blown panic! I eventually resolved that I trusted him, and knew he wouldn’t do anything to cause permanent damage. I tried to be at peace with whatever was going to happen. He came home, saw the newly cleaned house, and me sitting on the bed still wet from the shower and bawling. I told him I was “soooooo sorry for forgetting my boot” and begged him not to do this. He told me to lay across his lap, which I did… still crying. He raised his hand back so high I could feel the stretch in his abdomen. I started crying so hard I almost lost my breath. But then he lowered his hand, sat me up, and said “I won’t ever tell you to ready yourself again without follow thru. Do you understand?”. “YES”!!!! And so with that, I climbed into his lap and cried some more. Later that night he said that he wasn’t truly mad at me, just concerned for my foot. He also said that he had read on that other site that sometimes in the beginning it’s best for the husband to make the first whippin a “Because I said so” spanking to break the tension. I told him of my earlier doubts about doing the discipline part and he responded with, “Too bad. I have seen how close our relationship has become and how I can’t wait to come home to you. I spend a lot of my day thinking of ways I can show you the love you have shown me by trusting me with this. So we are doing it. ALL OF IT”. Well, what can you say to that? I know he is right and I know he loves me more than life and will take his responsibility seriously. I love my husband and love the way he loves me and the bond that CDD has brought us. I just wish this fear (not of him, but of the whippin) wasn’t this strong. Your website has armed me with the knowledge that this is, at least condoned by God in your presenting Bible verses in a different way than I had ever viewed them. Thanks for your time, and your site which is a blessing to those seeking Biblical backing by non-judgmental, like minded people. In HIS Grace & Under HIS Wing;

Christine