#they pulled this same shit in June 2022

[androgynouswizardbanana]

Some of y’all are so bad at recognizing the signs queerbaiting it’s kind of embarrassing

[railroad-migraine]

In honour of Legend of Vox Machina coming out, can we have a Percy x (fem/gender neutral) reader with the prompt "You feel like home to me." Maybe reader also lost their home (or they were from Whitestone too)

'Welcome Home'

-> Percy x GN!Reader

Notes: Angst and fluff, hurt comfort. I started writing this piece in January 2022. As of June 2023, I have now watched TLOVM. Sorry it took a while Anon, but I wanted to save your lovely request for when I eventually got into Vox Machina 💙 Can be read as platonic or romantic

~ Poet

*****

It wasn't meant to be like this.

Things had not gone to plan. What was the plan, you say? That is debatable depending on who you'd ask.

To start, Vax was unfortunately spotted skulking around the enemy's camp. That then lead to small confrontation, one that he'd be fine to handle all by himself, one where he was suspiciously poked and prodded at innocently, but Keyleth instinctually stepped in to save him - thus getting the whole party involved and quickly overwhelmed. It was manageable until the exact moment where Grog lopped off the head of one of the bandits.

To put it simply, all hell broke loose and it all went to shit.

However, in the end, when the bandits lay dead and smloldering by the campfire, it was a victory for Vox Machina.

A victory, maybe. But not quite a win.

Wounds were in need of tending to, and Pike was far too exhausted to treat everyone. Camping in the woods did not seem to be the best option, the trees offering little cover, and neither did the cliff face nearby. Frustrated, tired, hungry - voices raising at each other prickled the hairs at the back of your neck and you knew you had to step up. To be the adult.

"There is a village," you start, but no one chooses to listen, your voice just another one in the argument.

"There is a village," you repeat, a little more firm and insistant, and the others begin to withdraw, eyes falling onto you, "not far from here. I- I didn't mention it before because it doesn't belong on the map. Not anymore, at least.

"We can go there, set up camp, sit down and just shut up for a few hours," you sigh.

Most of the party look hesitant but Scanlan raises a brow and shrugs with an easy nonchalance that you envy. "If you say it's safe, I'm down."

It wasn't meant to be like this.

"It is." You hope. "I promise.

Percy watches you carefully, the fading light of the Sun behind him casting shadows on his face, sharpens his already sharp jawline even further until it cuts into his coat's collar. Something dangerous in his expression. "Lead on, then," but he doesn't sound convinced.

And so you lead your friends to the home and earth that once nurtured your childhood, the very same that you abandoned all those years ago in favour of adventure.

You were still young. Like a child, scarrless, soft, green and new to the greater world that waited for you beyond your doorstep.

It wasn't meant to be like this, you think as you fall to your knees, taking in the grim sight before you. It's hard to tell what exactly happened, whether the homes had been raided and intentionally burned down, or if it had been a simple accident and the townspeople luckily fled somewhere safe.

How long had it been since you left home? What seemed like yesterday were many, many months for your people, and anything can happen in that time apart.

But you never expected to be returning home to a graveyard.

It wasn't meant to be like this.

"I'm sorry."

You sniffle and quickly wipe your nose with the sleeve of your shirt, choking back a bitter laugh. "Percy." He pulls his mouth into a straight line, a grimace of sorts. "You can be a thorn in my side at times, but why should you be sorry?"

He shifts his weight on his feet. "Because... because it's what people might have said to me when I was in a similar state. I'm not sure if it would ever have made me feel better, but I suppose it shows some level of... respect. Condolences. Comfort, sometimes. Or so I've heard."

He pulls his coat tighter around his torso, the bite in the air unforgiving even as you mourn for your childhood home while your knees press into dirt. You risk a glance up at his face, and his forlorn expression shatters your already broken heart. He feigns a weak smile, and ducks his chin in sympathy. "It's not for everyone, I suppose."

It's a cold comfort as your grip on the ashes of your home loosens, and slips through your fingers, like sand lost in the wind.

Percy says your name, clear and grounding, and you manage to tear your gaze from what's left of your history. "Look at me." You crane your neck to look to where he looms over your hunched form. "Home is a feeling... I know that more than anybody."

Slowly, so slowly and gentle as if caught in slow motion, he crouches down to meet your height. He appraises you for a hesitant moment, then reaches out to wipe a tear that trails down your cheek, one that you had accidentally neglected. It smears across your skin smoothly, leaving a clean line in the thin layer of dust you had acquired since the battle and trek over here.

He looks at you softly, and you nearly sob from the incredible amount of emotions you feel all at once. You grip his hand like a lifeline and press it into your face so that you can lean into the comfort he's providing, and a shudder washes over you at the warmth radiating from his glove.

Percy nudges your chin up with his free hand, and you have no choice but to meet his watery eyes.

"And you feel like home to me."

In that moment, you know you feel the same for him.

*****

[posts this and RUNS]

[jo-harrington]

Corroded Coffin Fest - Day 31 - Your Song

Summary: Nothing like a bit of music to get the creative juices flowing on a hot summer night.

Word Count: 855

Rating: T

Warnings/Themes: Meta, Metafiction, An Illustration of My Mind Space, not quite about a romantic pairing but still a love letter of sorts, 1st Person POV, references to some of my old writing that you'll never find

Note: Thank you to @thisapplepielife for being an excellent host. Any event like this is huge and tedious to organize, and I truly am in awe of how you pulled it off and the tools you put together for everyone to be successful. Thank you!!!

Check Out the Main Post for @corrodedcoffinfest here! And ALL of the wonderful works that have been created for CCFest. (If we do it again next year, you’ll know where to find me.)

Tagging: @the-unforgivenn at her request.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

It’s a humid July night.

I’m on the third floor in a tiny bedroom that used to be for a guest but is now an office full of my shit.

The bed is still there though. Uncomfortable and laden with pillows and stuffed animals.

“Man it’s fucking hot in here,” he says as he flops onto the bed. I’m at the desk, ignoring him as I queue up a song to write this. He’s dressed in his S4E1 best, hair haloing his head. I could be kind to him and change his clothes. But I don’t.

I’m not a merciful god.

“Thanks, oh great and powerful sweetheart,” he deadpans.

“I need you in that outfit,” I tell him as Keane starts ringing through the speakers.

Beeps and boobs of the early 2000s. He groans.

“This song again? How about some real music?”

“This. Is. Music!” I mock him and he pouts prettily. “Come on, this is your song.”

“Uh huh.”

“Its about being stuck, about everyone getting older and changing, and leaving the singer behind.”

He hums and then shifts onto his side, precariously dangling over the edge of the twin bed; he reaches underneath to pull a scrunchie from the bin I shoved under there some time ago.

“Does that sound familiar?” I prompt him a bit more, but he’s too busy futzing with his hair, trying to put it up. He makes a bun about as skillfully as I can, which isn’t great, but he still looks good. Of course he does. “Hello? Asshole? Are you ignoring me or avoiding the truth here?”

I snap my fingers twice in his direction.

“…you can keep playing the song,” he agrees without so much as a glance my way.

So I hit repeat and he nods along to it this time, humming as it goes.

I can’t argue. It’s the closest I’m gonna get to him accepting that it hits home.

And it hits home for him because it hits home for me. We are one in the same, in one way or another. Some things quite literally, taken from source material. Others by my hand—such is the way when you pick a blorbo, you impart yourself onto them.

“Oh here we go,” he groans. “Waxing poetic about fanfiction and fanspaces.”

“You are just as bad you nerd,” I growl at him through gritted teeth. “You play DND! You quote Tolkien and Star Wars!”

The bickering goes on for a minute. Until I decide it needs to stop. He needs to behave if I’m gonna get this done and let him move onto real adventures.

“Maybe you’re the one who’s making me stuck,” he suggests. “What’s that verse? You’re gone from here, soon you will disappear, fading into beautiful light…that should be me.”

I grumble something about another story to him "if I can just finish this!" I need to get the thoughts out of my mind while they're fresh.

What he doesn't know, or maybe what he does because he's imaginary and does indeed live in my head, is that he's always up there. In there in some way, shape or form.

He's lucky to get the real estate, and there's such a vast amount of it, because the Kingly figure that used to occupy all of my thoughts is currently retired. Has been ever since June of 2022.

Eddie Munson is stuck.

Everybody changes and he just stays the same.

But he doesn't, actually.

In the worlds I make for him, he grows up, he travels the world...he actually does get stuck in a few of them and I will apologize to him profusely before I give him everything he ever wants.

That is my promise to him, my dedication to him, to give him every future that he deserves but will never get in canon--or might never get; whose to say, the damn show isn't done yet even though his asshole actor seems to be done with him--until I can't anymore. Because that is my lot in life as a fanfiction writer. That is all of our lots in life, to continue where the ones who created him left off.

Not because I wish I had him, even though I wish I did, but because it's what he deserves.

I let Thorin win the crown of Erebor. Let him grow old in the Shire with Bilbo. And I could have let him have forever with Lukhudin, had Eddie not walked into our lives.

But because he's here now, I will give Eddie everything. A thousand lifetimes. He'll never be stuck again.

"If you could just," I turn to him, "cooperate for me please?"

He purses his lips, furrows his brow, and then waves a hand dismissively.

I try to turn back to the computer, try to finish this entry.

But he stops me.

"Tomorrow..." he pauses and I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. "Tomorrow can I try that Mountain Dew Code Red you were thinking about the other day?"

And I can't help but laugh.

"Of course you can Eddie," I tell him. "Of course you can."

[carochinha]

So I got a job.

I graduated in 2019 with a Masters in Computer Engineering. And I hated it. Getting through that course was like pulling teeth, and I only managed on a basis of bullshit, being carried by friends, and plain old luck.

At the end of 2022, I got fired. A couple days before Christmas, actually. It wasn't great of my employer to do that, but it was, y'know, understandable. I fucking sucked at my job.

So I went into QA. And I wasn't great at it.

I managed to coast by for a couple of years, the pandemic also hit around then so there was so much shit happening that an underperforming employee wasn't anyone's worry, and in August of 2022 I actually got a new, better paying job. Where sadly, people actually cared what I was doing, so that was how I found myself fired in December of the same year.

And I realized the way I was living professionally wasn't sustainable. I was not just bad at my job, but I also hated it. I didn't want to get better, because I hated it. I hated the corporate environment, working every day inside my house, not seeing people, all the deliverables and metrics and fucking bullshit that was useless to anyone *real*.

And then in June, a friend who was in the tourism industry asked me if I wanted to try it out.

And my life changed. For the first time, I was good at my job. For the first time, I liked what I was doing. I won't say that I'm a natural at being a tour guide, but actually, yeah I will. I love helping people feel welcome, I love watching people be happy and enjoying my country and my region and knowing that I'm directly making their days better. I love that I'm outside, even when it's August and 52°C that's not an exaggeration. I love seeing my coworkers and chatting with them during the down time that actually exists because we can't just pull more work out of a JIRA board.

I love that when my day ends, it ends. I can't possibly take my work home.

And later, I got an opportunity to go work for a Big Company. It was a long interview process, and I wasn't sure if I could do it, wasn't sure if I would be better than the dozens of other applicants.

But I was. I am.

And so next week, I'll become a tour guide for a cruise company. A big, fancy company, earning good money, and knowing that I'm doing a good job that actually impacts people's lives.

I've on occasion been regretful of leaving behind IT, when I see my friends' houses and weddings and babies. But no more. No longer.

Because I was a terrible QA Engineer. But fuck if I'm not a world-class tour guide.

[inz-lokisdottir]

I posted 3,205 times in 2022

That's 2,861 more posts than 2021!

555 posts created (17%)

2,650 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dragonslayersigurd

@ask-scott-lang-whatever

@officialpeter-parker

I tagged 2,339 of my posts in 2022

Only 27% of my posts had no tags

#bugeater 🪳 - 575 posts

#antpapa - 299 posts

#papa scott - 151 posts

#buckpapa 🦾 - 141 posts

#baby inz 🧸 - 133 posts

#ooc post - 120 posts

#inz answers - 105 posts

#swag grey thing - 92 posts

#rudy - 87 posts

#inz mun - 79 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#((i started a few months ago and dropped it last month- but the summer holiday for me starts late july so i’ll try and start again too :d ))

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

👀.. So Peter told me that we might not actually be related.

- @official-rose-barton

So we are or aren’t-? I mean…Clint’s my uncle, Loki’s my dad, the whole family tree is confusing—

91 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

#4

How are you doing kiddo? You hungry? I’ll cook something for you if you’re hungry.

“I’m doing good, and honestly, now that you’ve brought it up, I am kinda hungry. I didn’t notice-”

92 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

#3

"They better be domesticated, young lady."

“The dragons? Uhhhh….most of them are!”

105 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#2

"Welcome to the "never home for christmas" club."

@dragonslayersigurd

“You too? Well…I’m sorry about that, Siegfried. Is it a busy time for you or something?”

182 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

*Bucky is fighting off enemies as he crashes into you* "Oh shit - fuck - sorry...Wait, what are you doing here? Are you with them?" He questions, slightly concered. "No...you can't be with...them. S-Sorry, kid."

Inz in the meantime is also fighting off…the same enemies, her focus strong on her task before she bumps into Bucky, taking a few steps back. “…Bu…uhhh..” she was about to say his name before remembering he probably wouldn’t know who she was, unlike her who knew multiversal variants. “No no, I’m not with them. It’s fine Sergeant.” She replied before turning around to pull her dagger out and she was quick to…unalive them. “Sorry-”

375 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Sieg stop taking over my year in review >:[

[neonganymede]

I posted 12,036 times in 2022

That's 9,815 more posts than 2021!

684 posts created (6%)

11,352 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@walking-meme

@shittydazai

@greatpartymp3

@seawarrenmess

@strmbringer

I tagged 6,884 of my posts in 2022

Only 43% of my posts had no tags

#bsd - 3,038 posts

#soukoku - 870 posts

#nakahara chuuya - 593 posts

#dazai osamu - 438 posts

#genshin impact - 307 posts

#<3 - 288 posts

#cocat - 206 posts

#jjk - 187 posts

#ask game - 121 posts

#bsd spoilers - 117 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#inn my latest bottomzai fic: dazai goes to great lengths to seduce chuuya instead of being straightforward like a normal goddamn person

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

HOW am I supposed to be normal about Chuuya when he looks Like That

74 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#4

WIP Wednesday #3

Dazai sniffed haughtily and turned his head away from the chibi. He crossed his arms to keep from fidgeting. “If Chuuya doesn’t consider this a real date, then he can just go home! I’m sure I can find somebody more willing to keep me company this afternoon.”

A hand tugged on his sleeve to get him to straighten his arm, and then Chuuya was weaving their fingers together. Today, he’d worn fingerless gloves, and Dazai welcomed the feel of his soft skin. Dazai relaxed some, though he still pouted at the rude chibi grinning up at him.

“I’d kick the ass of anyone you tried to replace me with,” Chuuya promised sweetly, the glint in his eyes both feral and amused. His mouth tilted up into a cheeky grin, a flash of teeth appearing at the corner. “And then I’d kick your ass for thinking you could.”

Dazai sucked in a sharp breath. His arms tingled beneath his bandages, but he didn’t dare pull away to scratch the itch. “Chuuya shouldn’t say such things.”

“Why not?”

Because you’ll make me think you love me, too.

“Because people might think that Chuuya’s a possessive, little pooch! You wouldn’t want them to think you’re going to bite them just for breathing the same air as me, hm~?”

Chuuya hissed through his teeth, his shoulders dropping a bit. “No, that’s more your style.”

97 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

#3

Just wanna be hugged by Kunikida. I think that would fix me.

114 notes - Posted June 30, 2022

#2

That split second of Chuuya though

184 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You ever just forget how much you love a character until there’s a split second preview of him with his little smile, and then you just completely lose your fucking shit about him

279 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[wonder-never-wander]

I posted 8,296 times in 2022

That's 5,985 more posts than 2021!

206 posts created (2%)

8,090 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@transgender-rex

@pogasm

@youarentreadingthis

@bifrosted-flakes

@ciitrus--fruitz

I tagged 3,122 of my posts in 2022

#save - 303 posts

#supercorp - 165 posts

#max and will - 120 posts

#will dot hellsite - 79 posts

#sc - 75 posts

#kara danvers - 58 posts

#me - 51 posts

#z-money - 42 posts

#supergirl - 40 posts

#lena luthor - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#cat staring down at a pap shot of kara pressing lena against a wall three fingers deep and all she has to do is sigh to let kara know she’s

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

She's fucking here again.

The blonde with glasses. She comes in here sometimes, mostly with friends and stuff. Her name starts with a K.

Kamron? Katelyn? Whatever. Not my business.

What is my business, however, is how she always breaks something.

Every time she's in here, she leaves finger-shaped dents in the bar, or shatters a glass, or snaps a pool stick in half. Always laughing with her friends, breaking shit.

Every. Single. Time.

So you'll imagine my confusion (and, if we're being honest, relief) when she walks in by herself. She started to plop herself down, eyes downcast and face very timid.

Now, I don't know very much about reading people, and even I could see the exact moment she decided not to plop down, instead lowering herself very carefully.

So carefully, in fact, it seemed as if she was floating.

It wouldn't surprise me, at this point. Byproduct of working an alien dive bar, i suppose.

At least she didn't break any furniture.

Finally.

"Your usual?" I asked her, already grabbing a glass from under the bar.

She hesitated, lifting her (suspiciously red) eyes to scan the shelves behind me, then nodded.

I don't ask questions. If I questioned every single high person that came into the bar, I would never leave.

So instead, I made her club soda and set it on the bar in front of her, picking up the 5 dollar bill she had set down.

"Thanks," she said shortly, quietly, pulling the cherry out of the top and popping it in her mouth.

I wiped down the bar where I had made her drink -- if you can count a club soda as a drink -- and moved on.

About 30 minutes later, I came back to do one last round before I clocked out and went home. Sitting next to Blondie was a woman with dark hair and strikingly green eyes.

Blondie's eyes had cleared up, no longer looking like she was stoned out of her mind. They were both smiling.

"Can I get y'all anything?" I asked, internally groaning. Blondie's Friend seemed like the kind of person to order the most complicated, time-consuming drink.

"Uh, just a scotch, please. Macgallan," she said cooly, handing me a 20.

Top-shelf. Not bad.

After it was poured and handed off, I turned to Blondie. She was staring at the side of Top-shelf's face, her eyes practically heart-eyes.

I want to say I waited patiently. It would be a lie. I waited very impatiently, in fact.

Top-shelf looked over and got Blondie's attention. Instead of her being embarrassed, you know, like a normal person, she just kept staring.

"What is it for you, Blondie?" I asked through clenched teeth, irritated, resisting the urge to look at my watch.

"Another of the same," she said, pushing her glass forward. I grabbed it and refilled her drink, all the while doing my best to conceal my eavesdropping.

"Why does everyone call me "Blondie"? My sister's ex-girlfriend, my bosses, plural, my sister when she's mad," Blondie listed, counting on her fingers exasperatedly.

"You know you're... blonde, right?" Top-shelf reminded her, trying (and failing) to keep a straight face. "And no offense, but you act like one sometimes, too."

See the full post

43 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#4

Nia: Bow down for our lord and savior, Minecraft Christ!

Kara: I only understood half of the words you just said.

51 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

#3

i made a uquiz!!

answer some questions and i'll tell you what color i associate you with

77 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#2

"Dr. John Seward, the lunatic-asylum man, with the strong jaw and the good forehead."

WHAT A WAY TO DESCRIBE A MAN

118 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

124 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mutedstring]

I posted 41,945 times in 2022

That's 38,967 more posts than 2021!

10 posts created (0%)

41,935 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cryptidfucky

@namchyoon

@boon-dots

@kimchokejin

@bruhthatsgay

I tagged 39 of my posts in 2022

#i mean - 2 posts

#about me - 2 posts

#oh man i remember quizilla - 1 post

#honestly - 1 post

#i'm here for it - 1 post

#gimme a kiss that's a spark of fire - 1 post

#the princess and the goblin - 1 post

#it was an animated film - 1 post

#i absolutely adored it - 1 post

#definitely recommend if you want a non-disney animated film - 1 post

Longest Tag: 101 characters

#your love is knowing their favorite gas station snack their coffee order their loved and hated songs.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

tfw you’re going to reblog a pretty aesthetic picture, and see “NFT” in the tags.  >:[

0 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

#4

yo mutuals who aren’t into BTS?

yeah I’m sorry Imma be posting ALL the new concert shit >.>

1 note - Posted March 10, 2022

#3

Hello where are you located

Wow, what a personal question to ask. I'm located on the internet.

2 notes - Posted May 18, 2022

#2

✨when u get this, list 5 songs you like to listen to lately, publish and then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool) ✨ [ hello it is me politely requesting some shiny rocks!!! 🥰 ]

Lmfao I would be happy to provide you shiny rocks. Since I am still *also* listening to the same songs over and over again, I'll pull from my "Music of the Day" playlist (link here if you're interested, and yes I did just pull out my limited HTML coding knowledge to link that) 1) Evergreen by Skott 2) W.I.T.C.H by Devon Cole 3) Don't Teach Me by Ailee 4) lemonade by Chilli Beans 5) Superbloom by Misterwive (stripped version) If you'd like links to any of those tracks, just throw me a dm and I'll send over YouTube links (cuz I have all of these tracks up in my browser at all times, pretty much)

3 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I sincerely hope this was the same person because that would be delicious.

7 notes - Posted June 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[captainanndor]

I posted 455 times in 2022

That's 335 more posts than 2021!

8 posts created (2%)

447 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@maculategiraffe

@rhinozilla

@wardenmages

@drchucktingle

@kick-girl

I tagged 26 of my posts in 2022

#our flag means death - 7 posts

#ofmd - 6 posts

#stede bonnet - 5 posts

#edward teach - 4 posts

#renew our flag means death - 3 posts

#pirates - 2 posts

#i want what they have - 2 posts

#birthday - 2 posts

#blackbeard - 2 posts

#the orange - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 59 characters

#but honestly the most bites i've done are affectionate ones

I sent 1 gift in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Aww, I knew I celebrated a previous. birthday at a Ren Faire with a bunch of friends, all of us dressed as pirates. Forgot it was my milestone 30th. I rang in my 30s as a pirate & I'll be ringing out the end of my 30s as a pirate as well, cuz I am going to the Royal Feast this summer as a 39th bday treat! Hopefully this time goes smoother, because that was also the same trip where I got pulled over by a state trooper doing 72mph in a 55mph zone (I thought it was 65mph speed limit) and his first question to the car full of gals fully decked out in pirate looks was "you going to the ren faire?" Instead of saying NO for lolz, I said "um, yeah..." like a COWARD. As a "happy birthday" he didn't write me a speeding ticket but still wrote a ticket for my license plate frame because "you'd never get pulled over just for this, but it's technically illegal to have *anything* covering any part of your plate". The ticket was still ~$350 (thanks NYS surcharge). Anyways I got to feed a duck, ride a camel, and spend the day with some of the best people, so it was all worth it and I look forward to a repeat (on a slightly smaller scale, because I am le tired) for my 39th!

See the full post

1 note - Posted June 22, 2022

#4

For my 39th birthday, a friend and I made Roach’s 40 Orange Glaze Cake from Our Flag Means Death! We then set up a little scene and did a photoshoot for it. More under the cut!

See the full post

20 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#3

I changed the first panel of this meme for a Twitter comment and then immediately had to change the second panel as well. Tumblr I know you will understand this joke.

37 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#2

And while I’m at it! Putting this energy out there: #RenewOurFlagMeansDeath and cast Kate McKinnon as either Anne Bonny or Mary Read. They already gave us an in with Calico Jack whining he's been mutinied against 3 times recently and they ran with him historically. He’s also already out of the way so there’s no wasted time/boring love triangle drama and we can just have happy badass lesbian pirates co-captaining their own ship.

37 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Re-posting this from my own Twitter thread: Oh shit! #OurFlagMeansDeath S2 prediction:  Ed is gonna shoot Stede when they meet again. It’ll be dramatic, Ed’ll cry thinking he killed him, etc.  But the half of the fucking petrified orange Stede's daughter gave him will stop the bullet & save him #RenewOurFlagMeansDeath Or Izzy will shoot Stede, but I think Ed would be more dramatic for the story/reunion and needing to really knock him HARD out of The Kraken.  Ed knows Stede knows how to take a stab, or maybe their sword fight will be a draw or with Stede thinking he won and Ed pulls the gun. Ed never used the gun in the show. Only threatened Stede (and started to load it at the party) OH GOD! Actually, Stede will probs just refuse a sword fight. Ed will want one & Stede will refuse & Ed will threaten with the gun (again).Will the shot be intentional or accidental? (Does it matter?) Stede should never have left but the clean break/forgiveness from his family is what will save his life in the end. After also setting him free to love with no doubts or guilts from his old life haunting him. Knowing he's not a curse or a monster.

48 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

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[deadliestpieceontheboard]

I posted 838 times in 2022

That's 271 more posts than 2021!

140 posts created (17%)

698 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@deadliestpieceontheboard

@thespineoftherighteous

@theravenkin

@writingpuddle

I tagged 557 of my posts in 2022

Only 34% of my posts had no tags

#aftg - 93 posts

#all for the game - 86 posts

#the foxhole court - 69 posts

#tfc - 54 posts

#neil josten - 18 posts

#kevin day - 18 posts

#andrew minyard - 18 posts

#the tumblr experience - 9 posts

#ask gala - 9 posts

#omg - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#it's a possibility that neil didn't score at all on that final match but they wouldn't be able to win if he hadn't covered for the backline

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

one of my favorite things is the headcanon that while neil is devastatingly attractive andrew is just Some Guy. that means aaron is also just Some Guy.

so imagine if katelyn was a textbook supermodel and because of all that everyone just asumes the twinyards have an absolute tremendous game when in reality neither of them have a single clue on how they landed these breathtaking human beings.

1,334 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

#4

He's a 10 but he thinks that means his jersey number

1,434 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

#3

aftg has ruined 90% of my reading experience because for years every story I read I always end up hating how little consent characters ask and how it's portrayed as cute

1,604 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

#2

i believe neil is very crunchy. his bones just crack very loudly and he doesn't have to pull them much for it. it only takes them like 20 minutes to "reset" so every so often there's bubble wrap sounds and is just neil basically breaking his own spine

1,792 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I don't think younger/newer users fully grasp the shit show that ace discourse was around 2014-17

It was so hostile that, to this day, discussions that begin to derail just enough can make me physically nauseous, some specific mockery trigger crying sessions years later. We lost most accounts with any sort of ace positivity. There was no information, no support, and all this damage was done predominantly by other queer people.

All this to say that you, however you identify yourself, should be engaging with aphobic comments the same way you do any hate. We don't sugarcoat or try to be comprehensive with people who are blatantly racist, homophobic or terfs, so why give it a pass just because it's coming from a queer person? I see how this tolerance goes and it's done enough damage as it is.

14,699 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

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[robocracker]

I posted 1,864 times in 2022

That's 384 more posts than 2021!

54 posts created (3%)

1,810 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@medievalthymes

@ocopio

@stickyyong

@psikonauti

@pendraegon

I tagged 819 of my posts in 2022

#kinnporsche - 220 posts

#art - 168 posts

#cats - 98 posts

#killing eve - 55 posts

#his dark materials - 28 posts

#ygo dm - 25 posts

#all of us are dead - 20 posts

#sweet home - 17 posts

#dogs - 17 posts

#around the world in 80 days - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#you probably also annoy your followers when you liveblog your discovery of a basic tumblr feature that they no doubt already know all about

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

okay so on one level i can appreciate that Casualty has Paula's baby taken in the same episode that Robyn finds out she's pregnant, especially with that moment on the two benches, with Dylan representing Paula's desire to keep her child, and Robyn so obviously not wanting to be pregnant...

but god, just once i'd like to see a character get pregnant, decide to abort, and be done with it. not every pregnancy on tv needs to be a drawn-out drama where the only inevitable option is keeping it!

17 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

#4

a really big part of me wants this kid to open the door to the roof - obviously, because i’ve spent seven episodes getting attached to this group, you can’t let them die now!

but then there’s another part of me that still vividly remembers being a 6-10 year old girl getting the shit kicked out of me on a regular basis, while the other students just laughed and let it happen.

would i have opened the door?

17 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#3

finally started watching kinnporsche, and it’s only been a day but i already want five more seasons of this shit

30 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#2

after all the shit he’s pulled, there’s something very lovely about watching gwinam lose his fucking mind from ear-ache

35 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

so my family’s got the funeral on (they’re not royalists), and while i’m not watching the ceremony, i did catch bits of the procession to the abbey. and i just...

look. i knew it was gonna be ridiculous. but i didn’t expect it to feel unsettling on two different fronts.

first there’s the obscene wealth and pageantry of the crown. ordinary people had their funerals cancelled today, out of ~respect~, and all i can think about is how much time and money those people had to pay in the middle of a cost of living crisis, that will now have to be done again because of rescheduling. there are people who might not be able to attend those rescheduled funerals because they could only get time off work/school for the original date. all of these ordinary people having to make time for logistics in the midst of their grieving. meanwhile, one family gets to take precedence over everyone else, on an unimaginable scale.

it’s insane to me how many people there were for the queen’s procession. not people attending the funeral, just people following the coffin to the doors. and all of these servicemen looking like robots, everything in perfect sync, from their steps to the goddamn removal of their hats.

but then there’s also the frequent close-up shots of the coffin. and it’s like. don’t get me wrong. i have no sympathy for the woman who was an active participant in the colonialist horrors that this country inflicted on the rest of the world.

but there’s something deeply grotesque to me about her funeral being a televised spectacle. especially with how many close-ups there are of the crown on top of the coffin. really hammers home, quite unintentionally, how utterly unnatural it is to elevate one family over everyone else. millions of people stamped down, and the people at the top are reduced to symbolic objects. whichever way you look at it, humanity loses.

171 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

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[wilhelmfink]

9.21.24. - 1:15am

feeling very 2022 as of late.

bangs are back. air is getting cool. change is in the air.

I wonder if this is how she felt when I thought of moving to los angeles. maybe he's right, if he had encouraged me even a tidbit I would have gone. but at that point in my life, anywhere seemed better than bedstuy. and when I, for the first time in so long, felt tied to nothing, los angeles seemed possible.

so now, here I am. my best friend is moving out of new york this weekend and she's going to be in la next year. of course i'm bitter in the funny way where I give her shit for moving to a worse place. a place made of plastic. a vacation destination that is actually garbage. blah blah blah. in n out fries suck. she's delulu for thinking otherwise.

I know it hasn't hit me yet, it will eventually. I am terrified for when it does. but one thing I won't do is make her genuinely feel like shit about it. she's doing what she feels is right for her, and she's a little sunshine of a girl so she'll do well anywhere she goes. i'm sad it's far from me, but she's got flight benefits. i'm traveling more every year. i've had long distance friendships my whole life. it's just another one </3 nothing is different. everything is fine.

It's times like these that I have to reflect on what happened two years ago now. I always thought I wasn't a people pleaser, and I wasn't one until after my breakup. it's so funny, to have that One Breakup that changes how you live your entire life. your priorities. the one that makes you a people pleaser. the one that makes you bend over backwards to avoid losing people, and it still isn't enough, and it's not in the right way. you hold onto the things that seem important, that look like the future you've always wanted. in some ways it is. to others it isn't. you get the gossip girl/365 party girl stories you've always wanted, you don't regret a single thing. you have the wildest stories that a year ago, you wouldn't have ever imagined possible.

you wonder if she reads this ever, even though she told you years ago she wouldn't check it anymore. doesn't matter if she does. you couldn't be farther, even if you are somehow in the same city.

dreamt about will the other day. it happens more often than you'd think. saw him through a doorway somewhere and tears streamed down my face as I was lost for words. we always stare at each other for so long before something breaks. so many emotions i'm still trying to process, through writing, through therapy, etc. every conversation we have in my countless dreams goes far better than I fear it would in real life. I wish I was stronger - wish I had stood up for myself - when it mattered.

there is so much anger and resentment. bewilderment. shock. I suppose it all has to come rushing back this time of year.

It feel surreal, the path my life has taken. i'm sitting here in my own apartment in the middle of the city I spent my life staring at. my best friend who lived 20 blocks from me is moving away this weekend. my boyfriend, who they used to say was as big a manipulator and gaslighter and lovebomber as matt was, won't be here until next year. I never thought we'd date, never thought long distance would be an option on the table again. but going back to surreal - how do you feel inexplicably pulled to one person in college, from 2017, through your four year relationship, and he ends up being the first person you sleep with after it, remains a constant in your life through all of your mutual turmoil, becomes one of your best friends, giving each other dating advice but fucking when we're in the same city, timing always off, until everything clicked into place in december, and again in january, and again in april, may, june, july - and suddenly you remember what it felt like to feel forever. and it feels like this is how it's always supposed to be. you're grateful for the time it took to get here, because you never would have been ready in college, or two years ago. but you are now and every day is as full of love and joy as the last, and you're 3000 miles apart, but it feels like nothing most days. wind extinguishes the flame but fans the fire.

what a fucking whirlwind of two years. I love my girls. I love my boy. my chaotic story. my silly little haunts. i'm going to miss my best friend. one thing i've learned is to not take people for granted, because I know I have. and i'm gonna miss her being so close to me a lot. why do all my bestest friends have to be long distance??

the world has seemed like it's going to end so many times before, and it hasn't. it only got bigger, and filled with more love than I thought possible. fuck, do I love my friends so much. do I love the friendships I spent so much time nourishing after giving what felt like everything to them. i'm so excited for next week. next month. christmas. next year. the years after. i'm so happy. so many things to do and learn and grow from. aaalways look on the bright side of life.

excelsior.

1:56am

"and my intent is to breathe, in a new world

don't be sad for me"

[mybettertomorrow]

It’s been almost a year. Things have changed, and yet they remain the same. Still in Paris, but now working. The friends I met in October of last year made the whole year incredible. I lived things that I never thought I would. The girl I met is still in my life, but just as a good friend. As I suspected, I had my heart broken when I realized she didn’t feel the same way. The tougher thing was seeing her fall for, not one, but two different guys since. Oh well. I did discover that she appreciates me as a friend, and I grew out a bit from last year’s crush, thank god.

Here’s the reason Im writing. Since classes finished in June, I’ve felt like shit. Specially since August started. I started at my internship, my friends went on holiday and my cousin left again. All of a sudden I was alone and bored in a foreign city. And it feels like this has caused me to doubt everything. How good I am at my job. If I even want my job. Was it a good idea to leave home. Did I make the right choice with the friends I made. Why haven’t I been honest about myself to anyone.

All of these thoughts visit me everyday. At other points in my life I’ve been able to pull myself through, but I’ve never felt as lost as I do now. Maybe it’s the loneliness, or the fear. Or perhaps the shame. The worst part is that, for the first time in a really long time, I’ve been thinking about self harm. It’s super scary, because I’ve never felt as close to it as I do now. Im trying to find the way out, by any healthy means necessary. I have tried to talk to friends about the way I feel, Im working out a lot and trying to keep a routine. And yet they come. To be honest, I think it stems from the fact that I left home to live the life I always wanted. Now Im away, and Im still not living it because I guess Im more afraid that I thought I was. I miss home like crazy, but I feel like I cant go back until I break out of this self made prison. But I’ve been away for a year and Im still inside. So I guess I have to start being true and honest about who I am to actually get what I need and want. Im so scared of disappointing people, or having everything change for the worst.

I couldnt sleep tonight, so I went on Youtube. For some reason I thought of Abbi Jacobson, and as I was watching videos of her, I remember this interview of hers that was posted in September of 2022. I remember watching it and feeling so… I don’t know, like understood? But I remember later that night not being able to sleep because I kept thinking how I felt like I could never be fully honest with myself unless I left home. It’s like I had this burning feeling in my chest telling me to do everything in my power to leave, that if I didn’t I would always regret it. 2 years later, Im laying awake on my bed in Paris, far away from home, but not yet being honest.

Therefore, I really want to be more honest. I cannot long for a life this bad and not do anything to live it. The truth is that Im bi. I havent said it to anyone, and Im terrible afraid of doing so. But now I’ve realized that I cannot be happy if I don’t say anything. I’ve been repressing myself my whole life to fulfill what I think others expect of me, and Im so unhappy because of it. I don’t know when I’ll come out, but I really hope it’s soon. I dream of having a partner literally every single day, but Im too scared to say it out loud because I feel pathetic. I want it so bad, but do nothing about it. So I will actually do something about it, I owe it to my future self laying in bed awake in the middle of the night, next to the person they love.

Last bit. I think I don’t like my career. Thats a big oopsie on my part. I have an idea of what I would like to do, but it’s so broad and idealistic that it feels stupid. However, I will try to find my way there. Im so worried of feeling the call to art and not following through, I know I will regret it if I don’t.

[cinnamonfridge]

Hi: I and several others were told by someone claiming to be your wife, that you were deceased in May or June 2019. While i am overjoyed that you are not in fact dead. I feel compelled to ask were any of my interactions with *you* real, and if not who was i interacting with?

I actually partially addressed this in another post

The person who was pretending to be me was my cousin. I, at that time he and his wife started hosting the site if you're from the one I'm thinking, owned the server itself but had nothing to do with the site until in 2018 I became aware of the horrific shit he had been doing and allowing to happen. He and I had a massive falling out and I made the mistake of trusting his wife to take over.

In 2022 I was made aware by Danni that the wife had been doing something similar and worse, had been claiming to have been Danni's conservator, which is blatantly untrue. Many of the things she told people was things she had heard from me.

When I became aware of her activity in 2022 I forced her to turn over ownership to Danni. Her and Danni agreed that she would step down and I, quite frankly, wish I had kept a closer eye on things because if I had they would not have pulled that stunt of claiming it was her health and death that caused it.

And... now let me point out the two truths that exist in their stories:

My cousin did indeed die in June of 2019. His wife, Penelope, died of COVID in 2022; but much later than originally claimed by Danni.

However, please understand that Danni was trying to protect one of the only friends she had besides me and while she did some of the same stupid things they had done, she did stop when I became aware and told her to.

Now, to add to this. I am the reason there is an attorney on the admin team who has been working with her to clean house for quite some time now. He serves a dual role. First, his primary job is to ensure that all the shit that past admins has allowed that should not have been gets removed. His second duty is to ensure that Danni doesn't fall back into previous behaviors as she is still somewhat unstable at times as a side -effect if breakdown in 2020.

To be clear here: I do not now nor have I ever had an account on that site. I am considering changing that based on info I was recently provided by the attorney.

Part of my reason for this is that someone doxxed both of us in recent days and we're both attacked by vigilantes. I, fortunately, while hurt enough to be hospitalized I'm nowhere near to being in as bad of shape as Danni.

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

I've made a huge mistake.

Back in June of 2022, she was talking about how friends can have sex, and said she thought we'd have great sex. I remember processing that with my therapist - I was uncomfortable, but couldn't figure out why: was I interested but insecure, feeling pressured and not attracted..? The age-old debate of autistic versus asexual versus traumatized. Obviously I agreed with her, that my poly beliefs support platonic sexual pleasure and that friends, with a solid baseline of understanding and communication, could have great sex.

I know she had ?her first? sexual experience with a college friend last February. I know her and I have continued to talk about sex a lot, and I continue to deflect when she specifically talks about us. I'm still figuring my shit out, and on our 8-hour return car ride back from a trip in September, I remember venting to her about reading Pleasure Activism and being so frustrated with knowing I have a sexual self but I can't embody it - I have suspicions about what I want, but I compared it to window shopping without money: at the end of the day, when it comes time for the transaction, I am not prepared.

I've been missing my ex, a lot. I still fantasize about him, crave him, remember him, ache for him. Maybe it's graduation goggles, or the delusion of selective memory, but we occasionally did have phenomenal sex and we definitely had comfortable physical intimacy: I've been craving time on his lap, teeth on his throat, hands in his hairline, lips pressed fiercely together. I want to devour him and it's been bursting out of me. Meanwhile I'm still learning to be more affectionate with friends, normalize sexuality, unlearn my shame, and be more vulnerable. Seeing the physical affection between BTS members and hearing my friend talk about normalizing touching between friends has left me feeling braver and wanting to satisfy my loneliness in safe, small ways. At the zoo event, I got super drunk and clutched her hand a lot to stay close. She later told me she liked it. At the Halloween party, I sat in front of her on the couch and idly played my finger along her lower leg, occasionally gripping her at jump scares. She later told me she liked it, was distracted by it. One morning after a sleepover, we huddled close together on my bed because I hadn't yet turned on the heat. She told me it was soothing and she'd been wanting to wake up next to me on subsequent mornings. She's never initiated any of the touch: just lets me come to her, and then positively reinforces it.

She came to a concert with me, and I was sat up along the side railing. Soon into the concert, I realized her best view would be standing in front of me to see between the folks in front of us: I grabbed her, pulled her between my legs, and wrapped an arm around her chest while resting my chin on her shoulder. She gripped my arm, held it there, rubbed her thumb absently across my forearm. Sometimes I would shift away, sometimes I would pull her back, but we spent a lot of the concert close and touching. I checked in a few times - am I hurting you, are you uncomfortable - and she said no, she liked it. At one point she absently ran her fingers along my knee and I later told her I could see how that was distracting at Halloween.

The physical touch was nice, and fairly easy. I've been opening up more, even briefly had a conversation about bondage bc one of the scenes at the concert had a woman restrained with her arms tied behind her back.

I guess I was turned on? I think I knew that at the time, and had fun flirting. We got into bed as soon as we got back and there was lots of tossing and turning and humming and flirting. At one point in time I grabbed her hand in shock, but when I pulled away her hand came back with me and rested on my ribs. I left it there, and it was easier to fall asleep with the touch.

We woke up this morning and it was more of the same: hudding, murmuring, joking. At one point I bit her shoulder too hard and then kissed it to apologize. I ended up spooning her, my arm not quite committed to being around her. Then she was on her back, me still on my side, and she said "bring me your leg, I want to distract you." I easily threw my leg and arm over her and we were just breathing, I think, but then she started to really massage and grip my leg and it did feel good. I'd told her the story about my coworker who had massaged my thigh and how that worked for me. I know I'm vocal, know I'm responsive, know my response to pleasure is to move my hips, and I dunno why I thought I could still do that platonically or teasingly but soon she was rolled into me, legs tangled in mine, her face between my cheek and shoulder and I could hear her rapid heavy breathing and I started to panic, started to wonder how the fuck we were gonna back this up, when she kissed my cheek and I started to fuzz out, leave my body, panic. I don't know how she kissed me - did I turn my head to look at her? how the fuck did I let that happen? - but suddenly her mouth is on mine hot and wet and she's rolled on top of me and I'm trapped in the corner between her body, the bed, and the wall and I can't pull back away from the kiss and I know my response in these moments is to just be good. Don't embarrass myself, don't be stiff, don't be a dead fish, be engaging, use your hands, make them feel good... so I did. I kissed back, and lifted my hips, and gripped and slid my hands along her body, and probably made noises, and I don't know if I liked it. I still don't know how to kiss and I've fucking talked to her about that and I'm so scared to embarrass myself and be bad so I'm turning on, like I do, and yet desperately scanning for a way to wind it down. I try kissing her slower but I don't want to be boring, and some of it does feel good? But jesus christ then her hands are up my shirt and she's kissing my neck and it doesn't really feel like anything except a few times she's rough and I like that? I like our legs tangled together, except a few times she like.. shoves her thigh into me and jesus christ once she shoves her whole tongue in my ear and I hate it but my gasp and grip and twist is perceived as pleasure so she does it like four more times and I just want to push her off but then her hand is down my pants and I panic and warn her I have a period cup in, oh god but before that she had kissed down my stomach and I somehow stopped her, or maybe she asked if she should stop? and I evaded by pulling her back up to me and I never touched her, tried rolling on top of her and slowing down the kissing, but I know my hips kept moving because they always fucking move because I don't want to be limp or stiff or boring, it's sexy when people are into it, but I wanted out of it out of it out of it.

I hated her heavy loud fast breath in my ear, hated the confusing pace and technique of the kisses, hated how numb my body felt when she touched me. Her hand grazed across me down my pants (totally forgot I didn't wear underwear to bed), her mouth was on both nipples, she spent so much time kissing my neck but it didn't feel right, didn't feel good, and yet I know I was writhing and moaning and grabbing and I'm so fucking mad at myself. I did like the noises she made when I kissed her neck, biting and tonguing and sucking like I used to do with my love. I think I even told her I liked the noises, and she asked me to kiss her neck again later, and I did, and I definitely left hickeys. I left hickeys on a woman I didn't want to kiss. I'm so mad at myself for sending mixed signals, for not speaking up, for having the stupid fucking reaction to want to appear sexy and turned on when I'm in a sexual situation I don't know how to handle. That's so fucking unfair to her and after all the flirting and talking and joking I feel like a fucking idiot for assuming we would talk before anything happened; clearly, we have been talking and I wasn't clear, didn't understand.

Tumblr just told me I reached a character limit? If this deletes I'm going to scream.

I dunno man, I just miss my ex. My stupid fucking dad died. I'm an incompetent imposter at my job and I feel like I'm one mistake away from losing my job and having to apply for disability and I can't tell you how often I think "I want to die" and don't not mean it. I'm overwhelmed. I feel broken and dysfunctional. I don't feel like I belong anywhere or that I'm good enough for good things, but I also don't feel like I can handle bad things. I feel vulnerable and needy and helpless - how the fuck am I in my 30s and still suicidal, still so sexually dysfunctional, still so stuck and ineffective at work? I know I've made progress but I feel like I'm one depressive episode away from burning it all down and I know I won't be able to rebuild it. I can't.

I dunno. She joked "you can blog about this so you remember it" because I'd told her I only remember significant things if I write about them. It's true. I don't remember my first kiss or first time having sex with my ex. I remember our last time having sex bc I suspected it would be our last. I don't remember our last kiss. Fuck I miss him so much. He was jealous of this friend and I dismissed it, but he's always right. I minimized him and hurt him so much. It's a good thing we aren't together anymore but fuck if I'm not doing well. I'm gonna go for a hike and try to burn some of this off. I'll come home tonight and take Benadryl because I have too many stupid fucking protective factors to hurt myself. Might ask my therapist on Tuesday to help me with FMLA paperwork so I can fall apart a bit and reset without burning it all down. I'll need to talk to my friend eventually but don't know what to say. I'm a liar? I tricked you? You can't trust me? I don't know how to feel pleasure, instinctively fake it, and keep my real feelings a complete secret? Also thanks for being my best friend can you teach me how to be a better kisser? Fucking christ. Taylor was right: I'm the problem, it's me

[emotionallyinvested]

we met randomly on september 8, 2021.

she added me off mention because her friend thought i was cute. little did we know we would end up talking & flirting all night. that night, became every day.

our first date was at the bubble tea shop next to our school, where she ordered a small passionfruit green tea with mango popping pearls, i paid of course. i started walking her to her dance studio everyday just for the extra 5-10 minutes i got with her. thanksgiving was the first time i brought her home to meet my family, where we fell asleep on eachother in the car on our way home. even though she rejected me 4 times prior, i still had a gut feeling it was something to stay and wait for. on november 4, right before she walked into her dance studio, at 4:16pm, i grabbed her hand and pulled her close to me and popped the question, “will you be my girlfriend”. and she finally accepted. i still remember the smile and pinkness of her cheeks blushing when i asked the question. from that moment on i never would have guessed the love i would find for her. on november 27, i watched her dance clara in the nutcracker for the very first time. i balled my eyes out in her mom’s arms. it was at the moment i knew i truly loved her, and knew that she was the one. on december 4, we celebrated our one month by going to a christmas light up. it was this evening that we slow danced for the first time together, i still can feel the way she put her arms around my neck and looked into my arms. i tried to pop a kiss in, but failed miserably. it was because she was so focused on the pretty lights rather then me. but to be honest i don’t hold a grudge, i still can remember the smile she had looking at those lights and the happy feeling it brought me seeing her smile. on december 12 i went to her house for the first time. it was this night we watched the entire twilight saga together, and in the midst of it we both made direct eye contact and slowly moved in and had our first kiss, and from that moment on i was addicted to her lips. our first christmas together was a blast, we went skating in the middle of a snow storm at midnight. freezing our asses off, we tried to stay together as long as possible. on new years i got sick so didn’t get to have her as my new years kiss. january marked the beginning of us dancing with the same company. this would make our love something that would never end. on valentine’s day, february 14 2022, we lost our v-cards together. in may i cried again, watching her dance the kitri fan variation in our spring mixed program show, and yes, again in june watching her dance in swan lake. we spent the summer apart since she was in portugal and i was still back at home, but every moment she could we would facetime or text, and when she came home we were inseparable. right before the first day of school, we got matching white nails with black hearts on the ring fingers. in october i cried as i watched her dance in act 2 of giselle in our show ‘Artist’s Passion’. later that month, out of nowhere she decided we needed a break so i could focus on my declining mental health. from that moment on, i got my shit together thinking about how she was the one for me, and i wanted this to work so badly. in december, we were still no longer together, but i cried watching her dance the Marzipan solo in the Nutcracker. now in march of 2023, we still are no longer together, but every day i hope that she will come back like she promised because i know she is the one, and i want this, us, so badly. she decided to go with the guy i was told not to worry about, and it hurts so much, while leading me to think i was getting my second chance, but decided all of a sudden she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. so now, we act like strangers, like nothing ever happened between us. like i never knew her favourite colour, or met her grandpa. but when we make eye contact, you can tell there is still romantic passion & tension between the two of us. i still pray and wish every night that maybe there’s a chance, the girl of my dreams, the girl i love more then anymore, will comeback and we will be happy together.