#they nicknamed me nothing and i nicknamed myself nobody. fucking ironic.

[bluebellhairpin]

i cannot believe those people who treated me like shit when i was a child have impacted my life in ways i might never know about.

[rslashtriadmom]

HE'S Pregnant

NOTE: now THIS is where things get mildly complicated in our story. This is the beginning of Lover Boy (transgender man)'s pregnancy arc. I understand that pregnancy in the trans community is a ~complicated~ topic, so I want to warn those who have mixed feelings about the topic ahead of time so nobody's taken by surprise. Thank you, and I hope y'all enjoy!

Originally posted to r/breakingmom on November 11, 2024

emotional rollercoaster 🎢

UPDATE: Holy shit; THANK YOU ALL for your advice/support/etc! I'm on my lunch break so this is the first time I've had a chance to check in and y'all surprised the holy fuck out of me (in a fabulous way) :O I'll try and answer as many questions/reply to as many of y'all as I can whilst I still have the time. I promise I'll keep you updated regardless. Thank you all again <3

Polyamory is being Stinky and I need to get it off my chest, so I'm just posting this here, ugh.

WARNING; this got to be hella long, I apologize. TW for STI mention and transgender pregnancy (trans men carrying babies is a touchy topic to some so figured I'd cover that base just in case) and discussion of abortion.

For context, my fella (26M) myself (26F) and our (trans) lifelong best friend Lover Boy(25) (our goofy nickname for him as a joke to bust his chops) have had a FWB kind of situation off and for almost five years now. It started as a buzzed hookup between us, but we decided to make it a regular thing. We paused the arrangement when he met a guy he liked and wanted to pursue a monogamous relationship. A few months ago, after a real bastard of a breakup, Fella, myself and Lover Boy decided we'd attempt a triad Honestly, even before the FWB arrangement, we've always been tight, so other than changing Lover Boys's title from best friend to boyfriend, nothing's really changed. Three(?) months in, things are pretty damn good. We love each other and we make a good team.

The dude he was seeing before we became a triad had given Lover Boy crabs after cheating on him. He got put on meds for it, it cleared up no problemo, life was good.

From what we've been able to gather, one of them caused some kind of clash with his birth control (yes, it's possible to be on the pill and testosterone) that basically rendered it null.

Lover Boy'd had been feeling weird for a month-ish, but he thought it was 'pre-election panic' so he didn't really pay it mind. From what he says, he saw a blurb about Project 25 and Roe v Wade and it 'started messing with his head', and he did some poking around and realized a lot of what he's been feeling are semi-common signs of pregnancy. He was still kind of in denial/self-gaslighting, so he took a test to 'shut his stupid ass brain up.

Welp. It came back ~positive~. Lover Boy thought it it was a fuckup on the test's part, so he went to the Dr and got a blood and piss test. Both positive. If the math is correct, he and Fella probably conceived the first time we all had sex after we'd gotten (back?) together. Ironically, our daughter (biologically Fella's and mine) was conceived the first time we had sex. What are the odds, eh?

So Lover Boy's been sitting on this since then in a blind panic. He only just confessed Saturday night. He's a wreck, he doesn't know what to do, he's so fucking ashamed of himself. The last bit breaks my heart - Fella's feeling the same way because he's not a dipshit that pins the blame on the vagina person when he didn't use a condom.

Until a few months ago, Fella and I were unsure about having another kid together. We were kiiinda on the 'if it happens it happens' boat; I'm also on the pill, but shit happens. Daughter's always been a fairly easy kid compared to others, but she still had/has her own set of challenges (autism). That being said, if some kind of miracle happens and Fella and were to be given the opportunity to adopt, we'd probably be significantly more open to it.

Lover Boy? He would love to have a bio kid, but he didn't think it would be possible as a queer transgender man in a boondocky, rural-ish town (where he doesn't/didn't have a wide selection to choose from in terms of partners, ESPECIALLY a good partner that would also make a good parent). Before we got together, Lover Boy crowned himself our daughter's godfather (bless him). Before her, he was confident he'd be childfree; then, 'the little booger (affectionately) rolled up and altered my brain chemistry'. They're incredibly close. He's another parental figure to her. We were all in silent agreement that any bio kids of Lover Boy's would be daughter's siblings, haha.

That being said, again, we never thought we'd become a triad until months ago; thus, we'd never thought about/discussed possibly having a kid together. So this is what the cool kids would call a 'doozy'.

I'm not angry with Lover Boy or Fella. I love them both, and they're both taking responsibility for their roles. If anything, they're having a pissing match of sorts because they're both hell bent that they're the guilty party and not the other. They've also been falling all over themselves apologizing to ME. They're both insane.

Lover Boy's a mess. He admits he DOES want this baby, but he has it in his big dumb head that he's going to ruin Fella and I's relationship, destroy our family, etc etc etc. Fella and I have been telling him that the decision to keep the pregnancy is his choice and his choice alone. That we're standing by him no matter what, and that we're all going to be okay.

Me? I'm here for Lover Boy regardless. I accept whatever he chooses. I love him just as much as Fella and I want him to do what is best for him regardless. But...I'd be lying if I said the thought of us having a second child as a triad isn't growing on me. Maybe I'm foolish for being open to this, especially after this fucking mess of an election, but iI can't help myself. That being said, I'm not going to get fucked up if he chooses to abort. I'm not gonna be sad or resentful or take shit personally. Should he choose to keep the pregnancy, however, I'll be happy. Which is something I never would have imagined in a thousand years.

I'll keep folks posted if there's anyone interested. At the moment, Lover Boy's still unsure as to what to do, so if y'all could send him good vibes, that'd be lovely. Thanks for reading <3

[topazy]

Silent bloom

Pairings: Bellamy Blake/reader Finn Collins/reader

Warnings: Mentions of blood, and vomiting

Chapter: 1.12 (Bellamy’s pov)

1.02

"Cut it out!" Y/N snapped, which took me by surprise. She seemed so quiet. "The only thing that matters right now is finding Jasper! Bellamy, stop moaning. You’re coming with us and that’s the end of it."

"Excuse me?" I was irritated by her tone.

Y/N walked closer to me, with a look of disbelief on her face. "You want to lead? Then lead. You’re the only person here with a gun, and those kids out there won’t follow you unless you give them a reason to."

"She’s right." Clarke chimed in. "Because you want them to follow you and right now they’re thinking only one of us is scared."

"Fine."

I watched as the bossy girl froze just before she reached the camp gates. It seemed like she was telling Finn to get lost. The last thing I needed was any more drama in camp. I had a feeling the girl with the scarred eye would cause it.

—

"So how did you earn the nickname angel eyes?"

My ears perked up when I heard Murphy shamelessly trying to flirt with the girl walking beside him. It was hard to figure out if she was enjoying his attention or not. "The only person who calls me that is you, Murphy."

"How did you get the scar?" I listened in, as I was curious myself about how she got it.

"Fist fight in a bar. You should have seen the other guy." She had a dry sense of humor, "I fell and cut it."

"Can you see clearly out of it?" He asked, standing closer to her.

"Yes, and I know what you are doing!" She snatched her wrist back, laughing. Murphy just shrugged. "I’m not giving it to you, so you and your little king can stop trying."

I glared at Y/N when she turned around to face me. I had nothing to do with Murphy trying to take her bracelet off. It wasn’t my fault if he wanted to try and show off.

"Did you hear that?" Wells asked, "It sounds like a moaning pain."

"Jasper!" Y/N gasped before running off in the direction of the noise. "He’s over here!"

"Y/N wait!"

She didn’t listen to Wells. What a stupid girl. She was going to get herself killed. I watched as she suddenly disappeared. I lunged forward to see what happened to her. Y/N was hanging onto the grass to stop herself from being killed, "Help me up!"

"Y/N? Bellamy pull her up!" Finn yelled just as I grabbed hold of her wrist. Clarke and Murphy helped us pull her up.

Y/N landed on top of Finn before quickly rolling off him, and glared at me. "What the fuck was that about?! You almost got me killed!"

Clarke shook her head and stepped forward before she could reply. "This isn’t going to help. The grounders are setting traps to catch us. We all need to be more careful."

The ‘princess’ was right. Y/N continued to glare at me. Was it my fault? Did she think I was going to let her die? I didn’t care about her, but we needed all the bodies on earth we could get.

—

"Stay here, I'll be back shortly." I watched the girl curiously as she walked towards the fire pit.

"Hey, John?"

I was expecting Murphy to kick off at being called his first name, but he looked amused. "What?"

She held up her wrist, "fancy freeing me?"

"Anything for angel eyes," Murphy said, grinning.

I watched her pick up a stick of meat and head towards her previous spot, but Finn and Clarke stopped her. I couldn’t hear the full conversation, just bits of it. I didn’t get Finn’s obsession with her. I wondered if they knew each other on the ark. "Yes, I am aware of that. Now if you don’t mind, can you move out of my way?"

"Then tell me, why did you take it off?" Finn demanded, not moving out of her way.

"Some of us don’t want to get punched in the face...Plus, It was hurting my cut wrist."

Her comment didn’t bother me, but Finn bothering her did. Also, I felt slightly bad that she cut her wrist while we pulled her up. I was getting ready to intervene when she walked away from Finn and sat back down beside a young girl, and handed her food. She had taken off her own wristband to feed someone else. Not many people would have done that, not even me.

1.03

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Finn storming towards Y/N, or whatever her name was. "Is it true?" She ignored him, "Well! Is it?"

She shrugged, "I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m a little busy here, Finn, so if you don’t mind."

"Please tell me you didn’t spend the night with Murphy." I noticed how offended she looked by his accusation. "You are so much better than that Daze. Why would you do that? Don’t you have any self-respect?"

"At least Murphy is flying solo."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Clarke asked from behind him.

"Nothing... it means nothing." She turned to walk away when she caught me staring. It didn’t seem to phase her much as she turned back to throwing knives.

I waited until Clarke and Finn were gone before approaching her. Even if she had screwed Murphy, neither of them had a right to judge her. "Y/N right?"

"Yeah," she answered without taking her eyes off the target. "But I go by Daze or Daisy."

That made sense. It suddenly occurred to me that this was the same girl that my sister wouldn’t shut up about. Somebody with her aim would be good at hunting. I wondered if she would be interested in joining us. "Useful to know. You have a good aim. Any interest in killing?"

"I’m not leaving the camp until Jasper is better," she replied, "maybe next time."

"Do you hear that?" I asked. "He’s dying. Don’t get your hopes up."

She scoffed at my comment, "enjoy the hunting trip."

I left her alone to practice. I wasn’t pointing out the obvious to be cruel, I just needed people to be prepared for the worst. When Jasper dies, the rest of us will still need to go on living.

—

I noticed Daisy walking out of the drop-ship, which surprised me. I thought she would have been celebrating her friend surviving. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I just needed a moment... I’m sorry about Atom."

I stared down at the ground to avoid eye contact with her. The last thing I wanted was anybody to see me get upset over Atom. He was my friend who trusted me, and I had let him down. "I don’t think Octavia is feeling sorry for me."

"She’ll come around. She’s just upset. Give her time," Daisy said with a smile.

"I’m glad you never came hunting with us." I confessed out loud, "Like I said, you have a good aim. It would have been a shame to lose someone with such skills."

I could see a smile pulling at the corner of her lips. "Yeah, yeah. Goodnight Bellamy."

—

"Finn move aside," I snapped.

"I can’t do that."

I pushed him out of my way as I walked into Daisy’s tent. I had to see for myself if she was still alive. When she never came back with Wells, I decided to look for her and saw her laying on the ground with a knife in her stomach. I thought she was dead.

Kneeling down beside her bed, I noticed how fragile she looked. Clarke had worked a miracle by saving her.

"Bellamy, you need to leave now!" I stood up again, and faced Finn. I found it ironic that he only cared about Daisy after she almost died. "If Daze gets an infection, she will die. The more people she comes in contact with, the higher the risk."

"Whatever," I shoved past him. "When Octavia comes, you will let her in."

1.05

I had just disposed of the god-damn radio when I felt something bang into me. I was surprised to see a slightly confused Daisy standing behind me.

"Y/N, what are you doing out here?"

"Me and Clarke came looking for you."

Was she joking? Nobody had seen her in hours. If she wasn’t back by the time I returned, I was going to go look for her myself. If anything, it was to stop Octavia from going off on her own. "Looking for me? Octavia was worried sick when she couldn’t find you last night. Where the hell did you go?"

"Bellamy Blake? They’re looking everywhere for you."

Fuck. The brunette had survived. I should have made sure she was dead before I stole from her. As Clarke, Finn, and the new girl lectured me, I noticed how unusually quiet Daisy was. She didn’t seem interested.

—

"It’s no use, it’s gone."

Daisy rolled her eyes at me, "That’s not a good leader’s attitude."

"Guess I’m not a good leader then. You’re really not going to ask why I did it?" I was curious.

"It’s not my business." She shrugged. When Daisy removed her jacket, I noticed how badly her stomach was bleeding. She must have burst her stitches open.

"Hey," Raven said, stepping closer to her. "Your bleeding is pretty bad."

I stood awkwardly trying not to listen to the two girls' interactions. It was clear they didn’t like each other. I just wanted Daisy out of the water before she passed out.

—

"Hey, have any of you seen Octavia?"

Clarke shook her head. "No, I mean...it’s Octavia. She’s probably chasing butterflies."

Daisy frowned at the comment. I imagined she didn’t like Clarke’s attitude either. I thought back to the conversation I overheard with Daisy and Finn earlier, and wondered if she was looking for my sister because she needed a shoulder to cry on. It wouldn’t have surprised me. I couldn’t believe she was sleeping with Finn while leaving the rest of us to worry about her.

1.07

"What the hell, Bellamy? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Your aim is off."

"Thanks." She rolled her eyes and turned back to face the tree. "Don’t you have anything better to do than sneak up on me?"

I probably shouldn’t have walked up to someone holding a deadly weapon without making my presence known beforehand. I couldn’t tell by her tone if she was mad at me as well. "Who we are and who we need to be to survive are very different things."

"Seriously Blake?" She scrunched up her nose, "A line like that might work on others, but not on me."

Daisy walked over to the tree and let out a whine when she pulled the knife out. I rushed over to her and grabbed her hand, concerned she’d cut herself on the knife's edge. I was relieved to see it was just a small splinter in her hand, "It’ll push itself out."

"I know that...I just can’t quit thinking about how painful it must have been for Finn."

I stared blankly at her. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that she cared for the spacewalker so much, especially when he took her for granted. It was obvious that she cared about him more than herself. Hell, she even burst her own stitches while having sex with him.

"You got stabbed in the stomach," I pointed out. She shrugged. Daisy hadn’t been able to look at me since we brought the grounder back to camp. "I’m not sorry we saved Finn, but I am sorry for what you saw me do."

"Are you ready to go?" Clarke asked, walking towards me. I nodded in response. She turned to face Daisy. "Daze, Finn was asking for you."

Of course he was. I was going to ask Daisy if she wanted to join us while looking for weapons, but I knew she’d never come with Finn wanting her attention. "You better go run off and find him then."

She smiled at us, "be safe out there."

As she walked away, Clarke stood beside me, saying, "You didn’t ask her, did you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Good question. "We are better off with just us two. She would have slowed us down."

Clarke leaned into me, "you know, that was a very fake smile she just gave us."

1.09

As we walked towards the gates, I noticed movement outside camp. We slowed down until we got a better look. Clarke suddenly ran over to the couple, "Daisy!"

On closer inspection I could see why she ran over to them. Daisy was violently throwing up. Clarke held her hair back while she continued to vomit. "What’s wrong with her? Is she the only one sick in camp?"

Finn shook his head, "She was just high for the first time."

"What?" I snapped.

Finn shrugged, "Yeah, most of the camp is high. They ate some bad nuts, I guess."

Clarke continued to rub Daisy’s back, saying, "Bellamy, I'm going to take Daze back to her tent, then I'll meet you in the drop-ship."

I frowned at Finn, who seemed to find the situation amusing. "Grounders are out here," his smile faded. "You’re just lucky you didn’t get her or yourself killed."

—

I noticed Daisy finally emerging from her tent. She looked slightly better than the night before, but still hellish. "Hey, you good?"

"Yeah, I’m good. Enjoying unity day?"

I pointed towards the rest of camp, "somebody needs to be sober while the rest have fun."

She chuckled, "Everyone deserves to have some fun, even you Blake."

She had a point, but my idea of fun would be different from hers. Although I found myself tired of sleeping with a different girl every night, they all bored me once the sex was over. "I’ll have fun when the grounders come."

"Dark as always," she laughed.

I smiled, "you look a lot better than when I last saw you."

The moment the words left my mouth, Daisy’s face turned red. I had accidentally embarrassed her. I gulped down before changing the subject, "What did you get arrested for anyway?"

I noticed she wasn’t listening to me by the way she was watching something else, "It’s Finn."

I tried my best not to groan. I honestly didn’t understand what was so special about bloody Finn. He had Raven, Daisy, and Clarke wrapped around his finger. I doubt he cared that much about any of them. Lost in my thoughts, I almost missed Daisy going to leave camp. "Where do you think you’re going?"

"To get Finn, he’ll get killed out there on his own."

"So could you." I paused for a moment before letting out a sigh of defeat. I could tell by the look on her face that she was going after him regardless of what I said. "I’ll come with you."

"No...Somebody needs to stay here in case the grounders do turn up. If I can’t see where he went past the tree-lines, I’ll come back."

I clenched my jaw with frustration. I didn’t like this one bit. "Fine. But if you are gone too long, I’m sending out a search party."

—

"Bellamy?"

"So much for staying in the tree lines," I frowned.

Daisy rolled her eyes as she pulled me into my tent. Was this really happening? Was she trying... "Whatever, look, Finn set up a meeting with the grounders to call a truce."

"He did what?" Finn had quickly gone from being a little annoying to a real pain in my ass. He was going to get himself killed. I just hoped when that happened he didn’t drag anybody else down with him.

"We spoke to Lincoln... the grounder who stabbed him. He’s going to set up a meeting between our people and his. Finn and Clarke are getting ready to leave."

I stepped closer to her so I could speak in a lower voice, "Why are you looking for me then?"

She seemed nervous the closer I got to her. Her lips parted slightly as she looked up at me. "I’m going to follow them, and you’re coming with me."

"Anyone ever told you that you have a bossy side?" I preferred the bossier side of her.

"We should wait five minutes," she answered, ignoring what I said. "Finn doesn’t know that we are following them."

"Why not?"

She knotted her fingers together, and looked down at the ground. I made a mental note to remember she did that when she was lying. "Because Lincoln told us not to take any weapons, and I don’t agree with him. But Finn does. We are going to be their backup."

I didn’t see the point in arguing with her when it was already happening. "Okay, I think we need one more person to come with us."

1.10

"Not now Finn, we don’t have time for this. The grounders are coming and arguing among ourselves is exactly what they want. " I watched Finn’s face twist with anger when Daisy butted in. I just hoped he was smart enough not to say anything back to her. "I’m going for a walk. You guys are giving me a headache. Murphy better be alive when I get back."

"Seems I’ve got a fan club starting in camp Bellamy. Who knows, maybe she likes me more than you." Murphy said before spitting out blood.

"Go float yourself."

"Happily," he scoffed. "But I don’t imagine angel eyes being too happy when she finds out you’ve killed me." Finn stormed out of the drop-ship, mostly likely to go look for Daisy. "Looks like I’ve upset her boyfriend. My bad."

"They aren’t together," I snapped.

A look of amusement spread across his face. Being covered in blood only made him look more sinister. "Ohh... I see what it is."

"What are you talking about?" I mentally slapped myself for even entertaining Murphy. I should just kill him before he hurts anybody else.

"You care for her... and she’s in love with spacewalker."

I glared at him, "Shut the fuck up."

"Don’t worry Bellamy, I’ll keep it our little secret. For now."

—

"Bellamy, you're sick, okay? I'm just trying to help. Here."

If it wasn’t for the fact that I was so weak, I would have flung Murphy across the room by now. "When I get better, if you're still here--" I frowned when I saw Daisy walking towards us. The last time I saw her, she was throwing up blood. "Why are you up? You should be resting."

"I’ve got this one Murphy," she smiled and took the cup from his hand. "Thanks for saving my life and all that."

When she sat down next to me, I noticed the way Murphy looked at her before leaving. "What are you now? His best friend? After-"

“Murphy is an ass," she cut me off. "But he never hurt me, and I believe in second chances."

I took a drink of water before she started wiping some of the blood off my face. Daisy suddenly stopped and squinted at me, "something you want to talk about?"

"You and Finn-" I was cut off by a loud noise from outside the ship. I sat up as Clarke ran into the room, "They did it."

"I became death, a destroyer of worlds. It's Oppenheimer, the man who built the first-"

"I know who Oppenheimer is."

"Who cares about him?" Daisy shrugged. "I want to know what the hell caused the explosion."

"Raven..." I glanced down at her. "I thought O told you? Raven and Finn went to blow up the bridge to slow the grounders down."

It was worrying that Daisy couldn’t remember. I was honestly surprised she was still alive by this point. Between being stabbed and catching the virus, I’d say she was very lucky to be with us. Daisy must have noticed me staring because she was frowning, "I’m sure they are fine."

Looking back out of the drop-ship, I sighed. We would need to wait to see if the grounders got scared off or not.

1.11

"Like that star of the waning summer who, beyond all stars, rises bathed in the ocean stream to glitter in brilliance." I saw Daisy sitting on her own again and thought I’d give her some company. "I thought your post finished hours ago?"

"It did," she shrugged. "I like being out here at night. The sky looks beautiful from down here."

I never would have guessed she would have enjoyed stargazing, this girl was full of surprises. "I suppose it does."

"You suppose? It’s the most amazing sight in the world. I honestly have no idea why people used to use drugs to live in a distorted reality, when the earth is just-" I could not help but smile at the way she talked about the sky. It was the first real conversation we had that didn’t involve anybody else. "What?"

"Nothing," I shook my head, smiling. "I’ve just never heard you talk so passionately about something that wasn’t to do with your friends."

"You don’t know me very well, Blake."

I knew much more than she thought. The girl with the scarred face was much more interesting than I first thought. "You're a good shot. We have the same taste in books, and you don’t know who Oppenheimer is."

"Touché, I’m guessing you’ve read the Iliad a few times then?" I nodded, "How do you know we have the same taste in books?"

"Octavia has mentioned it,” I lied. I had heard Monty and Daisy talking one night about books they liked to read on the ark, but I wasn’t going to admit I listened in on their conversation.

I noticed her shaking slightly. She was cold. I removed my jacket and placed it on her back. "Thanks..."

"No problem."

Sitting with Daisy was nice. It didn’t feel awkward when there was silence between us, although I wouldn’t have minded talking a little more. But I didn’t want to force her to spend time with me.

"So this Oppenheimer, who is he?"

—

"Bellamy!" I heard Daisy call out. Before I had a chance to finish getting dressed, she barged into my tent. "Bellamy I-"

"Daisy, what the hell happened?" I asked her. I stepped out in front of her when she tried to walk away. She was covered in blood and had an arrow sticking out of her leg. "Daisy, what happened out there?"

"Grounders attacked us."

Raven stepped out of my tent, "Finn... is..."

“Myles got hit with a few arrows. I don’t know if he’s dead or not. They took Clarke and Finn.I have no idea where they went."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I didn’t miss the look of disgust on Daisy’s face or the way she pulled away from me when I reached out to her. I had no reason to feel guilty, but I did.

—

"I never told him."

I stopped when I reached the outside of Daisy’s tent. "Told who what?"

"I lied to Finn. I told him I tripped and fell, I’m only telling you so you don’t mention it later on."

I stepped back. We wouldn’t be ready to leave for a couple of minutes, so I didn’t need to interrupt them just yet. My opinion of Daisy was always changing. I thought she would have been a spoiled brat when I met her, and assumed she got her scar in a pointless fight, but now... now I know she was a good person. She lied for Raven even when it caused her so much pain. She would do anything for her friends, including Octavia. Maybe Murphy was right, maybe I was starting to care for her.

1.13

"Bellamy!" I looked up to see my sister barging into my tent. She looked worried. "I haven’t seen Daisy!"

"Okay," I shrugged. "She’s probably in her tent or the drop-ship. You know she can’t go far until her leg heals."

"She’s not there! I’ve checked with Jasper and Finn. Neither of them have seen her all day. I’ve checked everywhere bell!"

Shit. This was bad. People didn’t just disappear from camp. Unless the grounders take them, or worse. "When did you last see her?"

"She was going to Wells' grave. She had found some flowers to put down."

"Octavia, go get Clarke and meet me at the drop-ship in two minutes."

We didn’t have time for a search and rescue with the grounders closing in on us, but I was sure as hell not leaving Daisy out there to die.

[intotherumiverse]

Chapter 1

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: I’m here again because this project is my child. I’ve added a lot and learned even more and I’m glad y’all are here to watch me develop On to the diggers <3 ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: blood, violence, pov changes  ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ: @katsumiiii and @lilsparkyswife ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1.9k 

The day I was first killed was tedious.  

When you’re raised in the Summer Court, certain traditions are found there. When you are five you receive your first dagger. I almost hit my lessons teacher in the eye with that little stunt I pulled. When you are 10 they start with basic strength, endurance, and speed training. I beat up Katsuki Bakugou for making fun of me that year. When you’re really curious, they take you up for assassination training. I was a prodigy at it…

I got so good in fact that I climbed the ranks at the young tender age of 18. Summer Court likes tradition, yes, but I was something unprecedented, unorthodox. Something bigger.

Working for the Summer Court had its perks, yes. This was one of them. As I walked among the snakes of the Autumn Court, I felt a curl of unease flow through me. Yvonne, the one who usually handles our information, said that our biggest client’s rival was supposed to be at the ball. As if that makes my life any easier. Everyone wanted someone from the Autumn Court dead. But no one wanted to be seen doing it. Looking at the throng of people, laughing and talking amongst themselves, I smirk slightly.

‘Autumn Court sure has a lot of balls.’ I thought to myself snidely. ‘ I wonder what they could be celebrating this time’ Before I had time to dwell on the thought any longer, the familiar voice of one of my good friends (not to mention on my team) Amira trickles through.

“Why does everyone in this Autumn Court look bummy?” The rude question isn’t uncommon for Amira, though I wish she chose her moments.

“You’re not supposed to say shit like that out loud!”Mina, another teammate (and good friend) jokes.

Stifling up a laugh, and not wanting to attract attention, I whisper back “If both of you don’t shut the fuck up...”

“This is why I don’t work with them” Yvonne sighs into the mic. She was the best informant Summer Court has ever had, and I was always grateful she was on my team. “They never take shit seriously.”

“Neither do you, Von, shut up!”

“Swear to Nyx if y’all don’t shut up, we can leave right now.”

“Fine��” they all chorus in my ear and I hear silence for the first time.

My eyes scan the crowd of people carefully, assessing each one before seeing my target. But before I could move into place, a flash of green appeared at the corner of my eye.

“Oh fuck no…”

I hated many things. The horrid smell of rotting flesh, bugs, failing my parents. But above all else, I hated a specific person. And if he’s here tonight…

Well, it would make my life harder.

Sighing softly, I weave slowly through the crowd, not letting the clammy bodies touch me. Eventually, I make my way down to the main floor. Making sure that my ears were covered, I attempted to get closer to the target, feeling for the poison that was in the many pockets of the dress.

I feel someone touch my shoulder lightly and it takes everything in me to not grab the person’s arm and twist it. Instead, I turn around slowly, facing to meet lavender eyes.

Fuck. Hitoshi Shinsou, Autumn Court’s Master Interrogator. If he was here, then…

“A dance m’lady?” He doesn’t seem to recognize me as he stoops into a low bow, eyes scanning my face

“Oh, he's kinda cute!” Mira whispers into the com.

“I haven’t seen you around before. Are you new?” His voice breaks through the mumble of the communicator.

“Well, I’m certainly not old.” That incites a chuckle from him.

“A lady with secrets, my favorite kind.” I scan the floor seeing the target get farther and farther away. I needed to get out of this situation and out of here.

“The dance?” I quirk my lips up into a smile.

And with that, we dance. He wasn’t a terrible dancer, spinning me ‘round the floor with a grace that only the Upper Ranks could achieve. I let myself get caught up in the dance, losing myself in the flow of the music.

“(Y/n). The mission” Yvonne’s voice echoes in my ear as I’m snapped back to reality. Right, the mission.

I suddenly pretended Shinsou stepped on my foot. Bending over in faux agony and forcing tears to come to my eyes, Shinsou fumbles at my pain. I feel a small pang of guilt, looking at his distressed face.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.” He leads me over to a small sitting area, not a far distance from my target. Watching Shinsou get lost in the crowd I make my move.

I walked over, inching closer and closer to my target. There was a glass of ale his hand was resting on, delicate fingers winding around the glass. Pulling a small pill from one of the many pockets of my dress, I place it carefully into the glass. Making my way back across the room, I watch as my target drinks the ale ‘till it’s empty to my original position.

‘Spring Court has its uses’, I thought smiling to myself.

“All right, This is an Upper-Rank Investigation!”

Oh, come the fuck on.  And right when I was leaving too.

A male voice rings out in the middle of the confused court members. I recognized that voice…

“(Y/n), get out of there!” Mina says into the communicator.   “Working on it.” Shit. Why were Upper-Rank boot lickers here? Shit, this was bad, I needed to get out of there.

I back away from the door slowly, trying not to bring attention to myself. A  hand came out and gripped the back of my arm.

“Where do you think you’re going, Summer Court scum” the hot and familiar voice of Shinsou rings in my ear. I grit my teeth, fearing to say anything due to their power.

He rips the comm from my ear, and upon hearing the cries from my friends, crushes it

“We have suspicion to believe that a Summer Court Assassin is here. Nobody moves, this will take a couple of minutes.”

And then I see him. The bane of my existence, everything in me sings in disgust and anger, as I try not to lunge at him. Izuku Midoriya. The heir to the Autumn throne. And my worst nightmare.

“No need,” Shinsou calls out, a smirk gracing his features. “I got ‘er right here”

His cold green eyes bore into me as he smiles. “There she is! My favorite assassin (Y/n)! It’s good to see you again honey.” His voice was like syrup, undoubtedly sticky and sweet. The heady sound of hypnosis.

“Seize her guards! We finally got the infamous (Y/n), top assassin of the Summer court.”  The guards move hesitantly like they were afraid. I hope so because they should be. Then everything happens all I once. I pull myself out of Shinsou’s grip, running towards the exit, which happens to be, in front of me.

“Lucky me,” I smile unsheathing the concealed daggers slipping them into my hands “Looks like the Prince brought me toys to play with.”

Oh, how I missed fighting. The rush of dodging and weaving never knowing if my next move is going to be my last. The feel of the blades in my hands as I cut down opponents, watching their terrified faces fall to the ground one by one. It fills me with so much strength knowing that I’m so much better than them.

And then my leg got nicked. The sharp sting of pain de-railing my train of thought.

“Fuck,” I yelled out loud as more soldiers descended upon me. They threw my daggers away from me first, restraining my wrists and upper arm for no movements. They forced me to my knees, and I look around at the now-empty ballroom. The heavy smell of iron and salt dancing in the air as the blood of the fallen soldiers surround me. I wasn't squeamish, but I didn't really want to ruin my dress.

Footsteps echo towards me, the clanking of boots reverbing in my head. A gloved hand grips my chin, forcing me to look up. Green eyes bore into mines. “Hi love,” Izuku smiles at my grimace at the nickname. “Quite a mess you’ve made of my soldiers. Now, look at the extra work you’ve given me. They were good people. Honest. And now-”

“None of us are honest,” I spit the words at him “You know that better than me.”

“Maybe I do and maybe I don’t. Now here’s the deal, pet. I will have to take you in now. You have made quite a name for yourself and have to turn you in. Nothing personal”

“With you? Everything’s personal.”

Letting go of my chin, Izuku stands once more.

“You might be right (Y/n). You’ll have a lot of time to reflect in your jail cell. Now sleep.” That was the last thing I heard before my eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep.

Mira’s Pov

I rip the communicator from my ear in anger, slamming the tiny black device onto the table.

“Taking your anger out on our stuff isn’t going to make (Y/n) come back.”

I look over to the blank face of Von, rolling my eyes. (Y/n) got caught and by our intel (and the fact the Hitoshi Shinsou was there) were knew that the Autumn Court had taken her. And now the issue was how we were going to get her back.

“I mean,” Mina’s voice pops up, the small twinge of hope laced throughout her words. “Why can’t we just go in and take her back?”

“Because Summer isn’t really on good terms with Autumn”

“Are we really on good terms with anyone?” Summer Court’s standing had always been rocky with the others. We were always called the lowest, doing everyone’s dirty job, but in fact, we knew more about the other Courts than everyone else. People fear what they don’t understand and hate what they fear.

But these last few years, Autumn’s seemed to have a personal grudge with us. No one knew the exact details but it was something involving (Y/n) and the prince of Autumn.

“They’d kill us on the spot if they knew who we were�� Von’s voice cuts in through my thoughts.

“But don’t they realize they kidnapped the princess? This is asking for war!” Mina was right. If (Y/n) got hurt it wouldn’t just be her parents that got mad.

“Who’s going to tell Bakugou?” I ask softly. The van is quiet as we all debated internally.

“Well, I’m not doing it. I actually like living and being here. You can fight it over if you two have a death wish.”

I shake my head at Von, signaling that I won’t do it either. Bakugou’s temper was infamous and when it comes to people he loves, there was no telling what he would do.

“Fuck y’all. Now I have to go deal with the dumbass wrecking ball. If I get hurt, y’all gonna pay Spring Court to heal me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you dodge fast enough, or you’ll actually get hurt.” Mina gives me a small smile in sympathy.

Sighing I head to the front of the car. We had to make it back before Autumn found us too. I’d never hear the end of it from the king if we also got caught.

And with that, we drive off, chaos awaiting us in the Summer Court.

onto the next chapter?

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[twokinkybeans]

Company Chapter 3: Imbolc

Moodboard made by Kim <3

Peter and Oberon find warmth with each other. Another Fae has different plans.

Warnings for this chapter: Fluff, smut and angst, magic and folklore, mischief, masturbation, anal (fingering), hand job, rather vanilla sex tbh? it’s full of love, then regrets and a scene that could be compared to how victims respond after rape (and the next chapter that will release on Ostara will likely contain actual dub-/noncon so please continue with care), Mysterio is here to fuck shit up.

Go to the Masterpost for all the teaser poems and chapters! Read Company - Chapter 3: Imbolc on AO3 —————————————————————————————- Here it is! Chapter 3! The next one will be posted on Ostara, March 21st. Thank you for reading it, if you do! I hope you enjoy!!! <3 - Lien

...

The Fae haunts Peter. His thoughts, his dreams- both day and night. Oberon’s smile and intense gaze follow Peter through life. He catches himself yearning to hear the man’s laughter, to feel his fingers curl in Peter’s neck as he did when he took off Peter’s coat. Sometimes, Peter imagines how he would whisper, laying next to him in bed. How his soft lips and stubble would contrast themselves on the shell of Peter’s ear. He can only guess the words the Fae would tell him, but part of him wonders what his name would sound like from Oberon’s tongue. “Peter…” The young man gasps as he shakily thrusts up into his hand, spilling over his lower abdomen. His muscles tense and his lips part to let out a strained noise in a half-assed attempt to hold back his ecstatic experience. Wave upon wave of pleasure floods over him until his body and member slack. Peter pants, eyes closed, and whispers the Fae’s name in reply to his imagination. “Oberon-” Peter knows he shouldn’t be thinking of Oberon like this. The more he gives in to his growing infatuation with the Fae, the more likely he is to slip up and give himself to the man fully. He can’t help the small voice in the back of his head, wondering how bad it would be to spend eternity with Oberon. Would it be bad at all?

… When Imbolc finally arrived, Peter took the first train to the woods. Maybe he’s a little eager, but he simply can’t wait to see Oberon again. He scrolls through his phone, smiling at some silly photos of May he took last week and setting one as his lock screen. She’s alive again because of the Fae- because of Oberon. And all the man wants is company. Nothing more, nothing less. Well, Peter thinks. If it’s company he wants, it’s company he’ll get. With the snow gone, Peter more confidently finds his way through the woods. He’s still not exactly sure where to go, but at least the direction he’s taking feels like it makes more sense. “Oberon?” Peter uses his hands to help his voice carry further. “You here?” “Why, aren’t you cute.” Peter’s back straightens and he turns, startled, at the voice behind him. A man with slightly longer, pushed back, dirty blond hair grins down at him from a large branch. His short, trimmed beard enunciates his jawline and he has large eyes, almost comically so. They glow dim, just like Oberon’s. Fae. Bad news. Peter swallows and presses his lips on top of each other, breathing in through his nose. “Says a strange man sitting in a tree by himself in the middle of the woods,” he replies calm and collected. The Fae chuckles darkly, causing a shiver to run down Peter’s spine. The man hops off the branch and lands effortlessly. “Hmm,” the Fae hums. “If it is strange I am here in the woods by myself, then why is it not odd you are here?” “I’m looking for someone,” Peter answers earnestly. “A friend who goes by Oberon.” Suddenly, Peter’s blood seems to freeze, locking him in place as the Fae stalks closer until he is right in front of Peter. He looks down, locking Peter’s eyes with his. The Fae grins and leans in, nearly letting their noses touch. “You may call me Oberon, then.” The man’s breath is cold on Peter’s face and the young man blinks in an attempt to fight a sudden drowsiness that washes over him. “I’ll be your friend.” The Fae’s gaze holds him in place and momentarily, Peter wonders if the beauty of the being’s bright blue eyes are the cause of this sleepiness. He is using magic on Peter and only now does it become painfully obvious what Oberon could have done to him from the start, but never did. “I don’t think I should-” As quickly as the Fae got hold of him, he lets Peter go again. He looks to his side cautiously and when Peter blinks, the Fae is gone. “Puck,” a familiar voice speaks. Immediately, a smile grows on Peter’s face. He pivots and the Fae seems surprised by how Peter beams. “Oberon, hey!” Peter holds himself back. Part of him wants to fall into the Fae’s embrace straight away, but as much as his feelings for the man have rooted and grown, he’s not sure Oberon has gone through the same. “Who were you talking to?” Oberon inquires curiously. Peter cocks his head and frowns. With an uncertain pout, he looks around him. “Nobody- eh, myself, I guess? I tend to do that.” … “What’s that?” Oberon creeps over Peter’s shoulder, staring at the device in Peter’s hand. The young man is seated on the soft pillows of Oberon’s cabin. Peter grins. “With my aunt back at work, she started making money again.” He holds up his phone to proudly show it to Oberon. “She gave me this phone for Christmas!” The Fae frowns slightly and shuffles to sit down next to Peter, who sucks in a breath at how close the man is to him. “Phone…” Oberon repeats, lost in thought. “It looks fragile.” “Well,” Peter chuckles. “I wouldn’t throw or toss it. I don’t want it to break- these things are expensive.” “Huh.” Oberon cocks an eyebrow. There’s a curious glimmer in his eyes as he stares at Peter’s fingers caressing the screen. “May I… May I see it?” “You are seeing it, aren’t you?” Peter smirks. Oberon scoffs and gestures at the phone. “From up close, please?” “Since you asked so nicely,” Peter says theatrically, wanting to hand Oberon the device. However, he quickly pulls back. “There’s metal in this.” “I can handle it, remember?” Oberon says with an encouraging nod. “I am Iron Man.” “Right- right,” Peter chuckles at the silly nickname and passes the phone to the Fae. The man turns and twists it in his hands, studying it intently. His eyes squeeze to slits in an attempt to look into the charger hole. “Press the button on the screen,” Peter instructs. Oberon looks up at him confused, but does as told. The screen lights up and a photo of Peter and May together appears. Oberon gasps in awe. “Who is that?” “M-“ Peter stops himself, nearly saying her name. “My aunt.” “The one I helped?” Peter nods. “She seems nice.” “She’s the nicest.” “Not I?” Oberon jokes, causing Peter to scoff a soft laugh. “Don’t make me choose.” Oberon perks up at that, eyes wide and glimmering, mouth open in a wide smile. “So, you think I am nice?” “I- I don’t mind spending time with you.” Peter looks away into the fire, blushing profusely and silently swearing at himself for feeling it crawl up to his ears. Oberon stays quiet, but Peter can practically hear him grinning. The Fae settles flush next to him as they both stare at the flames. “I think you are nice too,” Oberon speaks softly. He slowly raises his hand to give the phone back to Peter. Instead of taking it, Peter curls his fingers around Oberon’s and presses the home screen again. Oberon seems surprised by Peter’s actions, but watches intrigued as Peter swipes up, opening the camera without unlocking his phone. Oberon gasps when he is met with his own moving image on screen. “It is a mirror?” Oberon moves the phone closer to his face with Peter’s hands still on top of his. “A camera.” “For… Photos?” The Fae looks at Peter with a cocked head. The young man smiles and nods. “Correct,” he replies with a posh accent. “And videos too. Here-” Peter takes the phone out of Oberon’s hands and angles it so they are both in shot. His thumb hovers over the button on screen. “Cheese!” Right as Peter presses the button, Oberon turns to him with a frown. “Cheese?” Click. “What does that have to do with pictures?” Peter snorts and looks down at his phone to open his album. Oberon’s captured face is pricelessly confused, but Peter understands where it came from. “I- I’m not actually sure,” Peter chuckles. “I think it has to do with the word itself? Like, you kind of smile when you say it?” “I smile when I say cheese because it reminds me of its lovely taste.” Only then Oberon notices the photo on Peter’s screen. “Oh, that one is not particularly flattering,” he deadpans as he leans in to look at himself. “Can we tear it?” “Let’s not rip up my phone.” Peter smiles. “I’ll delete it.” “Just because I cannot lie, does not mean I cannot tell when others do,” Oberon says smugly. Peter hides his phone, but his eyes shimmer mischievously. “We could also just try again?” “Yes, let’s do that,” Peter says, already promising to himself that that photo will be his home screen. Peter unlocks his phone and raises his arm to angle it right again. His breath hitches when he feels Oberon press himself against Peter, to fit in the frame better. The Fae’s breath is warm in his neck and Peter nearly forgets what they were doing. He smiles awkwardly, but it turns into a genuine laugh when Oberon pokes his side slightly and exclaims: “CHEESE!” … “So, which one of these are edible?” Peter asks as he pulls at the leaves of a bush, nodding at the berries resting at the base of the twigs. “For starters, that one leads to an eternal nap, so I would advise against it,” Oberon states dryly. Peter immediately lets go of the plant and stands up straight again. They had decided, since Peter can’t actually eat food that Oberon offers him, to go foraging. That way, Peter can collect his own food. It’s been around five hours since Peter had arrived at the cottage and their conversations were as interesting and comfortable as they could be. Peter really loves his time with Oberon. “How about that one?” Peter sheepishly points at another bush with darker berries. Oberon smirks and saunters towards it, taking exactly one berry off of it and tossing it into his mouth. He chews and swallows. “Good pick.” He picks another few berries and eats them. Peter can only stare at Oberon’s bobbing Adam’s apple. After a few bites, Oberon cocks an eyebrow. “Are you alright, Puck? The berries are safe.” Peter blinks and steps towards the bush, but Oberon doesn’t move. Instead, he moves to angle a branch so that the berries are easier to pick for Peter. The young man fills his hand with berries and gratefully pulls his arm back from the bush. Two got squashed in his greedy attempt to fit as many as possible in his hands, but they still look edible. Peter takes his free hand and tastes a single piece. It’s a little sour, but incredibly tasty. He immediately perks up and tosses another three in his mouth, not noticing Oberon’s intense stare on him. Peter’s next bite is a little too eager. To prevent the berry from falling out, he clenches his teeth. However, the berry wasn’t in Peter’s mouth all the way, so it squashes and starts dripping down his chin. “Shit-” Peter exclaims as he makes a cup of his hands to catch the juice dripping down. “Here,” Oberon says quickly. “Allow me-” The Fae raises his hand and steps closer until their breaths mingle. Peter can’t move as Oberon’s thumb finds his jaw and wipes away the juice. He looks up at the man with big eyes, jaw slacked as his mind races. Oberon, seemingly reluctantly, takes his hand back but Peter stops him by dropping the berries he still had to the ground and grabbing hold of the Fae’s wrist. His mouth is dry, regardless of the juicy fruit he just ate. He feels like he’s not breathing, but judging by the fact that he can feel his heart thump in his head and that he sees his chest rising and falling rapidly from his peripheral vision, he’s still taking in oxygen. “Puck?” Oberon whispers. “Are you-” “I think there’s still some left on my lips,” Peter replies breathlessly. It is a bold move, but one he was definitely willing to make after so many more hours of talking and getting to know the man better. “My hands are already sticky.” Oberon licks his lips, eyes strained on Peter’s plump ones. Peter absentmindedly mimics Oberon’s actions. “Only one way to get rid of it then…” Oberon scoffs softly at Peter’s directness. The corner of his mouth curls up as he leans in, closing his eyes. Peter’s and Oberon’s noses brush together and Peter can’t help but close his eyes as well, relishing in the feeling of Oberon’s heat flush against him and his breath mingling with the Fae’s. He gasps softly when he feels a tongue flick against his lips, but the Fae remains distanced in a way that drives Peter mad with want. “I can only imagine how sweet you would taste,” Oberon mutters. “Don’t imagine anymore…” Peter’s order soon turns into a plea. “Please.” “Since when are you so loose? So relaxed? Why would you let me steal a kiss from y-” Peter lets out a strained noise at Oberon’s indecision on what to do, now knowing damn well the Fae wants exactly the same Peter wants. He boldly leans in, immediately opening his mouth so Oberon can push his surprised moan into him. Where Peter took initiative, Oberon now takes the lead. Peter lets himself be guided into the kiss, letting go of Oberon’s hand, so it can find its way into Peter’s hair. After a little bit, Peter pulls back slightly and scoffs a quiet laugh, still not opening his eyes. “Maybe your spells are finally working.” … The door to Oberon’s cabin gets blown wide open as he and Peter are glued to each other, breathing rapidly and tugging at their clothes. The Fae lifts Peter effortlessly, kicks the door shut and pushes the young man up against it. His hips grind into Peter’s crotch and the human whimpers at the friction against his clothed cock. “O-Oberon-” he begs. “More- more, please-” The Fae immediately moves his lips to Peter’s neck to suckle on it. He grins against Peter’s skin when a certain spot has Peter buck his hips involuntarily. Oberon sucks at it a little harsher, drawing the most delicious sounds from Peter. “More-” “I will give you all- everything- all of it.” Oberon’s mutters are nearly incoherent as he ravishes down Peter’s neck, pulling at the hoodie until he can reach Peter’s collar bone. He grazes his teeth past it and pushes his hips up against Peter’s crotch again. “Yes, yes, please-” Oberon carries Peter over to the pillow pile on the floor and sits down with Peter still on top of him. The young man’s eyes flutter open to stare straight into Oberon’s. They glow brighter than they did before. Peter immediately pushes in to kiss him again, rolling his hips into Oberon’s and moaning with every sting of stimulation on his aching clothed cock. The Fae pushes his hips up invitingly as he pulls his head back to take off his shirt. Peter stares, nearly drools, at the beautifully toned chest. “Your turn,” Oberon chuckles darkly. Peter follows the Fae’s lead and undresses his upper body. When Peter’s head is hidden in his dress shirt as he awkwardly pulls it over his head, there’s a sudden intense, wet suckle on his left nipple. “A-ah!” Peter exclaims, twitching under Oberon’s attention. The Fae’s large hands keep Peter in place. He wants to get rid of his shirt asap, but now that he can’t see, the sensations of Oberon’s tongue circling his sensitive bud are all the more overwhelming. When he’s free, Peter throws the shirt away from him and moves his hands into Oberon’s hair to anchor himself. The roll of his hips into Oberon’s crotch is steady now, but both men are ready for more. Peter feels like he’s floating as the Fae turns them both around until he’s pinning Peter on the floor. He rubs their clothed crotches together and all Peter can do is take whatever is given him. “Can I-” Oberon gasps as he sucks possessive marks on Peter’s chest. “M-May I-” “Fuck me-” Peter orders. “Please, I need you-” “Oh, Dandelion,” Oberon moans, tugging at Peter’s pants. “Sweet Chamomile, Bluebell, Primrose…” Each flower nickname is paired with a kiss or a mark or the scraping of teeth over Peter’s skin. His head spins and his eyes roll back as he tries to buck up into Oberon. He can’t close his mouth anymore. All he can do is gasp and moan and attempt to catch Oberon’s lips with his before the Fae moves back to ravish Peter’s neck again. “Clover, Columbine, Sunflower-” When all clothes have been discarded and both men are grinding into each other naked, Oberon’s voice rumbles through the cottage. “Puck-” Peter smiles at how much that particular name takes him out of it. “Parker.” Oberon freezes at Peter’s last name. He pulls back, wide-eyed until he can look at Peter properly. Both of them pant, hips still gently rolling into each other as a soft reminder they’re still going. “What?” The Fae whispers. “Puck isn’t a sexy name, is it,” Peter chuckles, bringing his hands up to trace patterns on his chest with his index finger. He gasps quietly when he brushes past his nipples. “You already know my last name…” Peter half-closes his eyes and licks his lips in an attempt to seduce Oberon to continue. “Use it.” “Parker…” The word gently falls from Oberon’s lips and Peter can feel that same tug at his heart as he did last time. It feels amazing. “Parker,” Oberon repeats, seemingly feeling pleasure from simply saying it as well. “Parker-Parker-Parker-“ Sparks seem to fly from Oberon’s eyes and he growls, moving in to eat Peter up again. Peter is unsure what is happening, but it feels absolutely heavenly. Is it Fae magic? Oberon isn’t in pain, like he said he would be if he broke his promise, so it’s not Oberon using magic directly on him. Maybe Peter feels the unwritten rules of the Fae; rules no one can go around. Not even promises. Oberon might not have Peter’s full name, but through this, part of Peter wonders if he is already bound to him. In all honesty, he couldn’t even mind it if he tried. It feels too good. The sensation is everything; an overwhelming pleasure that makes Peter yearn for more. Earlier, Peter wondered if it would be bad to be bound. But if it feels like this, he is certain that it’s not bad at all. Not with someone as sweet and caring and loving and giving as Oberon. Peter gets brought back to reality by Oberon snapping his finger. The young man blinks dreamily and smiles up at the Fae. “Are you with me?” Oberon checks and Peter nods. “Feels so good-” The Fae grins but it soon fades when Peter cheekily cocks an eyebrow. “However, I do believe I told you to fuck me,” Peter says cheekily. Oberon scoffs a laugh and leans back until he’s up straight again. “Proof of autonomy, right there,” he chuckles as he brings one hand down to circle Peter’s hole. Peter immediately pushes down and lets out a soft whine. “Make me yours-” he gasps. Oberon licks one long stripe from Peter’s right nipple over his collar bone, up to his neck and jaw. “You already are, my flower.” Oberon’s voice is dark and Peter can’t help a high pitched sigh escape his throat. “Are you alright with Oberon?” Peter double checks. “From your lips, always,” the Fae smirks, still teasing around Peter’s entrance. “Anything else, my king?” Peter jokes, referencing the fact that the character is king of the Fae. Oberon freezes at that, causing Peter to open his eyes. “Too much?” Peter ponders out loud. Oberon licks his lips and swallows, seemingly regaining his composure. The Fae then pushes in without warning, curling his finger. Peter’s surprised the glide comes so easily. Like he is already lubed up. Magic, he guesses. He doesn’t really want to think more of it and the ecstasy already makes him forget what just happened. When Peter’s body complies and follows without protest, it doesn’t take long for a second finger to be added. And then a third. Peter is fucking himself on Oberon’s fingers while the man searches for the spot that will make Peter scream. Soon enough, he finds it. Though, after brushing past it once and earning the most delectable noise from Peter, he pulls his fingers back. Before Peter can whine about the lack of touch, the fingers are replaced by Oberon’s stiff cock. “Wasps-” Peter chuckles at the characteristic swear coming from the Fae. “You’re so tight, Parker. So tight.” Oberon bottoms out and stops moving, allowing Peter to get adjusted to the Fae’s girth. Peter, however, is so ready to be fucked, he doesn’t really want to wait anymore. He reaches his, up until now jelly and motionless, arms up until his fingers wrap around Oberon’s shoulders. He then starts pulling and smiles when Oberon lets himself be guided. The Fae’s eyes are closed, like he’s trying to concentrate. It makes him a lot more compliant, which Peter uses to his advantage. Peter keeps pulling and turning until Oberon is laying down and Peter is sitting on top of him. The young man’s hands rest on the Fae’s chest. “Your turn,” Peter whispers, repeating what Oberon said earlier, as he leans down to obscenely lick at Oberon’s perched nipples. He wets them up nicely and moves back enough so his index fingers and thumbs get enough space to start rolling the nipples between them. Oberon chokes back a moan. His entire body is tense. It’s only now that Peter notices Oberon’s arms are spread, fists clenched and… Is that magic in his closed palms? “Are you alright?” Peter inquires. Oberon nods, simply and aggressively. “Holding back-” he chokes out. “What are you holding back?” Peter’s question is paired with a first, slow and gentle roll of his hips. Oberon sucks in a breath and Peter stares curiously at the sparks, brightening in the Fae’s hands. “Magic. My- m-” “Is that magic dangerous to me?” Something about that question thrilled Peter. The only thing that actually frightens him right now is the idea Oberon might want to stop. And also the fact that he may or may not have fallen in love with the man below him. “No,” Oberon groans. “J-Just magic-” he pauses to react to Peter slowly lifting himself up his cock, only to lower himself again and slightly wiggle his hips when he bottoms out. Peter’s curiosity grows by the second, just as his need to get both Oberon and himself off. “What kind?” The words roll off Peter’s tongue, low and alluring. “Illusions- I think I- I can make them be illusions.” Peter isn’t sure what Oberon means with that exactly, but the reply surely piqued his interest. He picks up the pace riding the Fae, reveling in how Oberon falls apart below him. The magic in Oberon’s hands intensifies and it is now Peter’s sole mission to have the man let go for him. Peter leans in and kisses Oberon on the lips, so soft and gentle. “Oberon,” Peter whispers as he sits up straight again, slowly but surely turning his rolling into bouncing. “Open your eyes.” The Fae obeys and moans at the sight of Peter’s body on top of him. In a reflex, the man starts fucking up into Peter in tune with Peter’s bouncing. “O-oh, yes!” Peter exclaims. “I- I wanna see it, Oberon. Y-your magic. Let it out-“ Oberon’s eyes roll back as he loses tension in his fingers. Blues and purples shoot from his hands, surrounding the two lovers with an endless galaxy. Peter gasps surprised, staring at the infinity around them. It’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. When he looks down at Oberon again, whose eyes still glow and flicker, he notices even the ground has turned to stars below them. He grins as he picks up the pace again. “Never thought I’d get to fuck in space,” he chuckles, riding Oberon feverishly. “Or y’know, get fucked by a Fae.” “You,” Oberon sighs with a smile. “You talk too much.” Now that Oberon doesn’t have to hold anything back anymore, he quickly turns them around like they were before. His hands, still sparking with magic, cup Peter’s cheeks and he brings them together in a hungry kiss. He has once again taken the lead and is now thrusting into Peter, chasing his high. One hand swiftly finds its way down between them. Peter moans into Oberon’s mouth when the Fae’s fingers curl around his shaft to pump him at the same pace as Oberon’s hips move against him. They’re wet and sticky with magic lube and precum and the sounds their crashing bodies make are downright porn-worthy. “Parkeeer…” The Fae groans. “O-Oberon,” Peter replies breathlessly. Their pace is relentless now, bodies tensed and nearing release. “Stark,” the Fae says, causing Peter’s eyes to shoot open when he feels another tug at his heart. The Fae looks down at him with a panting half-smile. “If I get to call you Parker, you get to call me Stark.” Last names. Peter’s entire body shakes and trembles as the edge is ever so close. He’s on fire, surrounded by moons and stars and milky ways and Oberon- Stark, right there with him, above him, making him see even more stars. “S-Stark-” he whispers. Around him, the scene intensifies and Oberon’s eyes glow even brighter. “Yes, that’s it, my sweet, my flower, my Parker-” Peter squeezes his eyes shut. “So close-” Peter isn’t sure if Oberon means himself or Peter, but either way, he’s right. “Wanna cum,” he gasps, biting into Oberon’s lower lip slightly. “Go on then, show me your beauty,” Oberon encourages, moving to sit up a little straighter and parting their faces from each other. Peter instinctively tries to move up along with Oberon, so he can keep their lips locked, but Oberon pushes him back down. The Fae’s thrusts are more calculated now, angled exactly where Peter needs him to go. His last free hand shifts to gently roll Peter’s balls while his other still pumps the young man’s shaft feverishly. “Stark!” Peter’s body thrashes and he cums, spilling himself all over Oberon’s hand and his own belly. He clenches down on the Fae’s cock and smiles deliriously when he milks Stark, the feeling of his insides being coated white adding another surge of pride and pleasure to his high. “Oh, flower,” Stark sighs, nearly dropping himself on top of Peter. “You were so good, so sweet.” Peter’s eyes are already closed, Oberon’s cock still sheathed inside of him. “Hmm…” Stark/Oberon shifts until they are both laying on their sides, bodies still flush together. “Will you sleep for me tonight?” Peter nods absentmindedly, still grinning ear to ear and basking in the afterglow. The smile brightens slightly when he feels Oberon’s lips press a soft kiss on his nose. “I will be here in the morning. Take your rest. I’ll hold you.” Peter drifts to sleep to the soft humming of the Fae’s voice. Not bad, he thinks before losing himself to slumber. Not bad at all. … A chilly breeze hits Peter’s face. His lips curl up and he turns, feeling around for Oberon. For Stark. His smile fades when the haze of just waking up fades and he notices just how cold the room actually is. His hand ends up on the cool flooring. Oberon isn’t there. Peter opens his eyes and sucks in some air when he notices there is snow. Inside. He quickly moves to sit upright, pulling the blankets up to keep himself warm, and he looks around. Oberon sits by the opened door, hands folded together in front of his mouth. He’s hunched up and his expression is stern. Tight. Worry settles in Peter’s stomach. “O-Oberon?” He isn’t sure if he should be saying the Fae’s actual name now. Oberon doesn’t look up. “Get dressed.” “Is something wrong?” Peter’s browns curl together. “Get. Dressed.” Peter remains seated, frozen in place and at a loss for words. When Peter still doesn’t move, Oberon finally turns his face to stare Peter down. “Do as you’re told.” “Excuse me?” The young man’s eyes go wide with surprise. Who does this man think he is? “You’re leaving,” Oberon says with a shaky voice. “Now.” He looks away again. “Get dressed.” The world around Peter collapses. Everything they had been through together, everything that had happened… Is over? “I don’t understand-” “Do not make me get over there and force you.” Peter immediately stands and grabs his clothes, feeling his tears threatening to spill. The only word going through is head right now is why. Why would Oberon do this? Why is he suddenly so different? Why does Peter have to leave so suddenly? Why is this happening? Once Peter is dressed, he grabs his phone from where it’s resting against a pillow. The screen doesn’t light up. Great; his new phone is dead too. He stares at his reflection in the dark screen. His cheeks are red and his eyes puffed. He blinks and then the tears fall. “Puck.” Peter gasps and looks up at the Fae who now stands. An odd glow now radiates from the middle of his chest. The man’s expression is pained, like he’s holding back. “You are no longer indebted to me. You are to go home and forget about us. Do not come back to these woods. Ever.” “You,” Peter pushes out through gritted teeth, his sadness slowly making place for anger. “You got what you wanted, didn’t you?” Oberon doesn’t speak. The only response Peter gets to his accusation is the twitch over Oberon’s upper lip. “You manipulated me enough to have sex with me and now you’re dropping me.” The Fae looks away and takes hold of the door, gesturing to outside. “Leave,” Oberon orders. “Please.” Peter is confused at how the Fae’s voice cracks, as if he actually cares about Peter. “Unbelievable,” the young man breathes. “I can’t believe I fell for this. For you!” “LEAVE!” The Fae’s aggression reverbs through the cottage, making it even colder than it already was. Peter’s jaw trembles as his tears now freely glide down his cheeks. Peter runs. Past the pots and pans at the cooking area, past the herbs hanging from the ceiling, past Oberon, through the door. The second he sets foot outside, he hears the door being thrown shut, but when he turns around he finds the cabin has disappeared entirely. It’s gone. And now Peter is alone in the woods. He shakes violently, dropping to his knees and sobbing. Part of him hopes that wherever Oberon is, that he can hear him wail. … When Peter arrives home, he plugs in his phone and heads to the shower. He feverishly washes himself, scrubbing his body and hating how he can still feel the Fae’s touch lingering on his skin. He wants it gone. Wants the Fae gone. He sobs under the stream, knowing damn well that he will never be able to get rid of the sensation of disgust. After an hour of letting his tears disappear in the drain, he turns off the tap, broken and drained- empty and dulled. He drops himself on his bed and simply lays there. He won’t be able to sleep anyways. … Peter is startled back to reality by his buzzing phone. The alarm he had set for the morning after Oberon went off, now that the battery was fully charged again. He swallows and grabs his phone, snoozing his alarm. He wants to put the phone away, but notices something is off. He unlocks it and the notification that caught his guard now fully pops up. Recording ended due to empty battery. Confused, yet curious, Peter opens his album to check which recording the notification meant. He blinks a few times when he spots the right one. Two hours and forty-two minutes. When did that happen? He selects it and starts the recording, not entirely unsurprised to be met by Oberon’s face, extremely close to the camera. The sight stings him. “Oh, this is a video right?” Oberon’s voice asks from the phone’s speakers. “Right. Well, hello, future Puck, I am going to show you something.” The Fae turns the camera to show a peacefully sleeping Peter. The camera moves closer to Peter and he can hear a bit of shuffling. He guesses Oberon went to lay down next to Peter. “Do you see your face?” Oberon’s voice is toned down and soft, now that he’s so close to Peter’s sleeping form. Peter watches what Oberon means, already feeling the tears sting in his eyes again. “You wear no mask now…” A hand appears from the corner of the screen to move a few of Peter’s curls out of the way. His fingers caress Peter’s cheek, causing an unwelcome shiver to run down Peter’s real spine. “You are at peace like this. So wonderful, so beautiful…” The Fae sighs content. “I could watch you like this for hours, you know?” “I know.” Peter is startled to hear himself talk in the video. In his sleep. Oberon chuckles. “Oh, do you?” “Mhm.” “Tell me, Puck, what is your favorite season?” “Spring.” “Well, aren’t you lucky that’s right around the corner.” Peter wants to throw his phone to the other side of the room. Oberon is having a conversation with him that he doesn’t remember having. Because he was asleep. It makes him feel uneasy and wonder what else the Fae asked him. “Think you can do some math right now? That ought to be fun to make you try.” The Peter in the video doesn’t reply, so Oberon simply continues. “Puck, what is two plus two?” “Four,” Peter replies promptly. “Easy.” “Alright how about twenty-one times forty-eight?” It’s quiet for a few seconds, but Peter replies still. “One thousand and eight.” “I honestly would not know how to check if it is correct, but I would surely assume you are correct.” Oberon asks Peter some more insignificant questions before falling silent again, simply looking at Peter. It seems he forgot he was filming Peter as the phone is quickly put away in a standing position. Peter guesses this was the spot he found his phone in, looking out over the entire cottage. Peter scrolls ahead in the video, not wanting to watch Oberon play with Peter’s hair for one and a half hours. Peter plays the video at normal speed again when he spots Oberon standing up. He shuffles around the room and speaks softly. “I will be out back to collect some more berries. Will you be alright, my love?” The name is a punch in the gut for Peter and he pulls at his hair. He doesn’t know why he’s still watching, but part of him wonders if whatever made Oberon change his mind like that so suddenly has been caught on camera. “Be fine,” Peter in the video mumbles bluntly. “Love you, bye.” A wide, surprised smile spreads on Oberon’s face and he walks out, mumbling something to himself. Again, nothing happens for half an hour, when suddenly… “Here you are…” A familiar voice speaks. A stranger saunters into Oberon’s cottage. Peter feels like he’s seen him somewhere before, but he can’t recall where. His eyes glow blue, like Oberon’s and when he reaches Peter, he squats down. “Didn’t expect someone as delectable as you to spend time with our heir.” Heir…? Peter’s skin crawls when the man’s hand traces down his bare body, curiously lifting the blankets and grinning wide at his findings. Peter instinctively clutches his sheets, covering himself more. He feels even more disgusted now. “Oh, aren’t you spent…” His eyes darken and his smirk turns ever so evil. “Used.” “Was so good,” the Peter in the video says. The man perks up surprised. “You speak in your slumber?” “Mm…” “Oh, what a nice turn of events…” The man’s hand cups Peter’s face. “Does the prince know your name?” Prince- “No- yes. A little.” “A little? How does that work?” “Last name.” “Oh, like so. Well then, sweet thing, what is your last name?” “Parker.” Peter feels the tug at his heart again. No, is all he can think. Don’t say more. “And then, if you’ll indulge me… What is your first name?” “Your voice is silenced in eclipse, no more words fall from your lips-” Oberon rushes in and reaches his hand forward at Peter, quieting him immediately. The second the spell has settled on Peter, Oberon’s eyes widen and he freezes before he collapses clutching his chest and letting out an agonized groan. Peter stirs, but the other Fae waves his hand once. “Do not wake ‘til morning comes, Parker, I have plans for you.” The man turns back to Oberon and scoffs a laugh. “I can spell him all I want, I have no promises to break. Unlike you, cousin.” Oberon gasps as he trembles, the area where he clutched his chest now glows blue like his eyes. Like Peter had seen the morning after. Oberon broke his promise and now had to deal with the consequences- the pain. He broke his promise; to protect Peter. “Why are you here,” Oberon seethes. “Why, I was quite intrigued to find this beautiful specimen in the woods yesterday. Searching for Oberon. I suppose that is you?” The man laughs condescendingly. “And you are not even king yet.” He turns back to Peter. “Pathetic… You didn’t even take his name.” “Step away from him.” “I will not. You have not claimed him, so I will.” “Mysterio-“ Oberon threatens, squaring up. His hands turn to ice like they had done when he almost spelled Flash. Snow is brought through the opened door by a wind Oberon conjures up. “Leave Puck alone.” “Oh!” Mysterio exclaims. “You call him Puck? And he calls you Oberon. How disgustingly sweet.” His expression drops. “I’m going to hurl.” “He’s not yours to take, leave us!” The snow in the cottage thickens as Oberon’s skin pales more with anger and cold magic. “Iron Man, do not tell me you love him.” Oberon’s jaw tightens at Mysterio’s condescending tone. “Oh, you love him.” Mysterio confirms to himself. “Well, then I’ll certainly enjoy taking him for myself.” “I will not let you!” Peter doesn’t understand why Oberon doesn’t just force the man out of his home. “You will, cousin.” Mysterio stands upright and circles Peter like a hawk, waiting for the right moment to take his prey. “For if you do not, I will tell all of Winter Court of the human you bedded. The human you want. The human you did not trick. The human who is not yours, for you do not have his name.” “You would not,” Oberon breathes. “All the Fae will come for him then. I won’t be able to protect him.” “That is what you are worried about?” Mysterio scoffs. “Not that your father will revoke your title and pass the throne to me for your dishonorable and disappointing behavior?” “I do not want to be a king like my father. The title means nothing to me.” “Then why not pass it to me?” “And leave you in charge of all of Winter Court? I’d rather eat my own two feet.” “Rude, much,” Mysterio says faux-offended. “Tell you what. I’m giving you one chance to redeem yourself.” “What will you have me do.” “Claim him.” “No,” Oberon immediately counters, taking two steps forward. Desperation seeps off every word. “No, please, do not make me do this.” “You choose, Oberon,” Mysterio taunts. “You either take his name and keep your honor, or you will lose your title to me and all of Winter Court will be scouring these woods to use him the way you would not.” He cocks his head and grins. “And I will be first in line. Your boy will certainly look lovely at my feet, having no choice but to worship me for all eternity.” “You disgust me,” Oberon seethes. Though, his magic loses power as his shoulders start hanging. “And you me, cousin.” Mysterio then steps over Peter’s body as he casually makes his way to the door, past Oberon. He places his hand on Oberon’s shoulder and pats twice. “Make our court proud.” Mysterio then leaves Oberon and Peter alone in the cottage- in the cold. Oberon’s sad eyes find Peter’s figure and after a minute of visibly holding in his tears he manages to shuffle towards Peter. A soft sob escapes his throat as he lays down next to Peter again, fixing his hair where Mysterio had undone it. The new light emitting from Oberon’s chest now lights up both of their faces. The Fae waves his hand over Peter’s face to undo the spell he had put on him. He then sniffs and the Peter watching the video cries along with him. “Oh, Puck, my flower,” Oberon mumbles through his tears. “I do not wish to lose you. I want to keep you.” “Keep me,” sleeping Peter replies softly. Oberon swallows and closes his eyes. “I can’t.” “Keep me,” Peter repeats. “No.” Oberon is sobbing quietly now. His shoulders shake with every intake of breath. “No.” The Fae presses his lips together and swallows. “I love you too much to keep you.” “Love you too, bye.” Oberon can’t help but scoff a quiet laugh through his tears. Peter is still asleep. Whatever he says is steered on by his subconscious. It’s quiet for a few minutes, but Peter can’t get himself to stop the video. He watches as all possible emotions in existence pass over Oberon’s face. “Puck,” Oberon asks suddenly. Peter holds his breath, anticipating the question. “What is your name?” Peter stares breathlessly at the screen, but when the Peter in the video opens his mouth to speak, Oberon swiftly covers it. “No. No, I do not want it.” He averts his gaze. “I should not have asked to begin with, I am sorry.” “It’s okay,” sleeping Peter answers, probably only responding to the I am sorry part, not actually aware of what it was attached to. “It is not.” It’s quiet again for a little bit. Peter notices the video is almost at its end. He wonders if anything else will be said before his phone’s battery died. In the last thirty seconds, Oberon speaks once more. “I have decided to let you go, flower.” Oberon’s words are shaky. “You deserve your freedom more than I deserve anything else.” Peter is sobbing now, so painfully aware of the things he had accused Oberon of when he left the cottage. “You will never see me again after this, so I want- I want you to have this… To have mine.” Peter frowns through his tears. His…? His what? “My name…” Peter’s eyes widen and he sits up straight in his bed. Is Oberon giving him the one thing they would never share? “My name is-” Peter stares at a black screen as the video and audio cut right when Oberon was about to say his name. After five solid minutes of being frozen in place, something in his mind finally clicks. He has to go back. Back to the woods, back to Oberon. Stat. Straight away. Pronto. Immediately. Now. … Peter runs as fast as his legs can carry him. The ground in the woods is treacherous and uneven, but he can’t get himself to slow down. The wind cuts the skin on his face and his quick breath condenses in front of his mouth. “OBERON!” His screams carry far. “OBERON, COME TO ME!” He nearly trips, causing him to stop running altogether. “OBERON, PLEASE!” he cries out. “PLEASE!” Peter wants to protect Oberon the way he had protected May. Mysterio hadn’t given Oberon this third option; to let Peter leave. It was a risk Oberon had taken in an attempt to go around Mysterio’s threat, since in both, Peter’s freedom would be taken. The Fae was presented with two choices: claim the name or don’t and suffer the consequences. Thing is, Oberon did not claim Peter’s name. That means Mysterio will still tell all of Winter Court about Peter. Oberon will lose the throne and be shunned from his people forever. That is why Peter is here. Oberon has to take his name. He simply has to. And now, Peter is more than ready to give it to him. The Fae had sent Peter away to protect him from being taken, but there is nothing he wants more right now then to be taken. By no one other than- “OBERON!” It’s no use. Peter has been walking for hours now, searching the woods for any sign of the Fae. Or any Fae for that matter. He assumes they would’ve already found him by now, but they are nowhere to be seen. He unlocks his phone and swears when he realizes what day it is. The human world and the Fae world are parallel to each other and they only really mingle on the actual Pagan celebrations. It’s no longer Imbolc. The veil is back. Peter couldn’t find any fairy circles or other signs of passage to their realm in his desperate attempt to locate Oberon, which means there is no way he can find the Fae before the next time Oberon and he were supposed to meet. Ostara. March 21st. Defeated, Peter falls to his knees on the forest floor, clutching his phone against his chest and crying without tears. He had none left. Peter inwardly has to tell himself that he is going to have to go home… And that he is about to face the longest one and half months of his life…

[thepoisonroom]

okay in reddie whos the an and whos the sb?

okay i had no idea this was even up for debate but i have opinions and here they are:

let’s say we’re working directly off of the definitions given in the original niche post, so:

a sweaterboy “is stable [and] settled. the sweaterboy lives within a familiar pattern, and is, in all likelihood, highly competent at what they do. but is the sweaterboy happy? fuck no, dude! [...] the sweaterboy thinks that this is what relationships — of any kind — should look like: giving and giving and giving, and never actually asking for what they want. Because that would be selfish. the sweaterboy would never want to burden anyone; the sweaterboy, deep down, fears very much that they are a burden”

an absolute nightmare “is someone who has entirely rejected the task of trying to conform to societal norms. they know they don’t fit in. they know they’re not like everybody else. and while they are outwardly bold and defiant and confident, they’re often very lonely. they internalize their issues; they may be mistaken for aloof and uncaring when, in fact, they have big feelings”

let’s discuss the book evidence. we have:

eddie “needed to be protected from his own dim intimations of possible bravery” kaspbrak. lives under his mom’s thumb for years and years because he’s been taught to fear what will happen if he steps out of line even a little! his internal fear of being different, which i would argue is heavily mapped to his sexuality, is externalized in his fear of disease and especially in his fear of sexually-transmitted infection. he tries being a regular straight dude with a wife and a nine to five that he excels at but he’s deeply unhappy with it! he’s replicating what he knows as normalcy (i.e. maladaptive relationship patterns from his childhood) in a desperate attempt to conform which is some CLASSIC sweaterboy bullshit. eddie isn’t your conventional sweaterboy because his definition of what the aspirational norm looks like is so deeply colored by his hypochondria, so as readers we still register him as abnormal, but in his own way he’s trying to live the lifestyle that was prescribed for him that he associates with his mother (fearful, straight, cautious). 

i think the thing that hammers this home the most for me is book Eddie’s relationship with surveillance and being watched. the book repeatedly makes the point that eddie’s personality and self-image are directly contingent on being watched, and who’s doing it. the text makes the argument that eddie when he’s being watched by his friends, or when he’s alone, is fundamentally different from eddie being watched by people who enact violent mechanisms of social control (e.g. bullies who beat him up for not conforming, or his mother who inflicts medicalized violence on him whenever he steps out of line). we get a pretty unambiguous statement of this in the flashback where eddie remembers his gym teacher having an argument with his mother:

“i have the results of eddie’s last physical on file […] it says that eddie is a little small for his age, but otherwise he’s absolutely normal […] he loves to play games, and he runs quite fast […] when there’s nobody around to remind him of how delicate he is”

basically, eddie lives with this constant awareness of how authority figures in his life want him to be, and he conforms when they’re watching him, for the most part. this is how he can be totally capable of the same physical activities as other children and still buy into his mother’s insistence that he’s delicate and constantly ill; he has internalized that surveillance until it’s unconscious/second nature to replicate the behavior that’s expected of him. we also see this focus on surveillance when eddie talks about how he loves bill because he never calls him homophobic slurs, the implication being that other boys their age do. with his friends, eddie can let go of that internal voyeur that watches and polices his actions to make sure that he’s not behaving in a way that might invite unwanted negative attention. you actually see little flashes of this in the scene where ben meets eddie and bill and eddie has a bloody nose from talking back to some bullies! eddie by himself or with his friends is a brave little motherfucker in a world that’s determined to make him afraid (of himself, of the consequences of abnormality, of his sexuality)! i love him so much! but anyway!

basically, eddie spends his entire childhood and most of his adult life trying to bend himself into a shape that’s as small and unassuming and inoffensive as possible. he associates any deviation from the norm with sickness and lives in fear of what it would mean to be different in any way. stephen king literally doesn’t deserve rights but his scene of eddie cataloguing and packing the contents of his medicine cabinet after mike calls him? that’s a goddamned fucking portrait of the iron fist with which many deeply closeted gays try to control their lives. i’m not a hypochondriac but the worst years for my ocd happened when i was trying my hardest to avoid coming out to myself. the mechanism of control varies, but it all comes down to a desperate conviction that something unspeakably terrible will happen if you don’t enact all these horribly specific rituals to protect yourself. eddie’s mechanisms are pills and his inhaler and his marriage and i’m literally going to stop bleeding myself dry writing this oh my god i projected a little too hard there sorry.

anyway: richie “sometimes enchanting, often exhausting charm” tozier. gets beat up constantly because he canNOT stop himself from saying every fuckass thing that comes to his head! he’s whipsmart and observant as fuck and can’t keep it to himself and that gets him singled out by the bullies! i don’t have the exact quote but roll the clip of the part where it talks about richie’s face begging to be bent into new and interesting shapes by bullies ANYWAY. richie is someone who knows he doesn’t fit in and has given up on the task of pretending to! sometimes he’s charming and funny! sometimes he’s exhausting and weird as shit! but that’s absolute nightmarism babey!

the thing that really gets me about richie is that he’s subject to exactly the same normative surveillance as eddie and he canNOT keep himself from telling his audience to fuck off! we see flashes of this when richie hesitates before touching bill for fear that someone might see them and subject them to homophobic harassment. but he touches him anyway! yeah he looks surreptitiously but he touches him anyway! like richie is guided by feelings of deep love and devotion to his friends and he can’t help but express that and wow i’m getting emotional about richie too anyway!

richie as an adult is someone who is weird as shit for attention, but it’s a performance that deflects from his issues being emotionally vulnerable, which is classic AN. the movie got this so right with the part where richie admits he threw up after mike called him, and then tells the other losers he’s glad that they’re there together. like, everyone is shocked because this is a moment of deep vulnerability and sincerity from someone who’s performatively larger than life in order to keep people at a distance. the 2017 movie gives us this with richie deflecting the conversation about their fears by asking stan if the woman from the painting was hot, and again when he says that his biggest fear is clowns, a claim that is NOT borne out by what he sees inside niebolt. richie is, in short, someone who’s comfortable with attention but NOT with scrutiny; he isn’t ready to be seen with all of his vulnerabilities on display, so he puts on a show for people to look at instead. that’s the core of absolute nightmarism. it’s a committed performance of weirdness that’s intended to telegraph invulnerability, but a tightly controlled one that’s meant to ensure that people only look where you want them to. it’s a magic act that shows you something shiny so you won’t glance at where the soft spots are hidden. eddie wants you to look away because there’s nothing to see here, richie wants you to look but only at what he shows you.

i think the thing that cements it for me is the book content about richie’s nicknames for eddie. richie is SUPER demonstrative with eddie and is constantly calling him goofy nicknames and telling him he’s cute. but we get that great quote about how eddie hated being called eds, but sort of liked it too, because it was like a secret identity. that’s the core of the dynamic, imo. the absolute nightmare helps draw the sweaterboy out of their devotion to normalcy and emboldens them to be the version of themselves that they are without the outside pressures of authority and heteronormativity and whatever. the dynamic is book eddie wanting to be the person he is with his friends, the eds of it all, and it’s also book eddie fighting off a panic attack because he has to be brave when the losers need him, and it’s also movie eddie directly attacking pennywise because he’s been reminded of his own “dim intimations of possible bravery” like! i could go on but this is so fucking long anyway yes i think eddie is the SB and richie is the AN now roll the clip of the part where richie asks eddie if he knows what fucking is and eddie is like OF COURSE I DO and the text is like “he hoped he wasn’t blushing” like that’s the dynamic babe

[newgeht]

6 Will Never Be 9

Position 97. Shining Another piece in the Kama Sutra works for Fairy Tail on AO3. NS//FW under the cut

Summary: Sting’s constant chasing would never stray, stubborn in his own right. Coming face to face with the battle that raged in his conscious -finding Minerva. Pairing: Stinerva Characters: Sting Eucliffe, Minerva Orlando, Rogue Cheney Words: 2.5k Rating: M AO3 | FFNet

It was an awful day; he knew it and she knew it. Every puff and stride Minerva took welling the frustrations he felt himself. “C’mon, baby. We have tomorrow. Sit down with me.” 

He patted the mattress, better than the ones he took with Rogue; Minerva never accepting of the best. The top brands, clothes, shoes, status -but what was it all worth in the end? If they kept chasing circles like this an answer would never be found. And at this point he knew it wasn’t about the mission. 

“Baby -just look at yourself. What the hell was that?” The silk of her dress matched her state of mind. Unrelentlessly pacing the expanse of their suite, coming back and forth through the door. 

Sting laid back on the bed, pursing his lips. A shower would soothe his troubles but Minerva would go back if left alone. Those they had been pursuing stealing his own competence in the midst of battle. Damned fairies. One small fluke and everything had been lost. The thoughts he had curling around the brilliance he was building -they were building. 

He tried again. “Don’t be so gloom, Minnie.” In her tracks she turned into a board, stiffened straight. It brought back their earliest memories and it lifted his frown; the nickname dancing across his tongue. Every syllable ephemeral to his senses, wishing that it was the same for Minerva. 

Everything serene taken from her sheer abrasiveness, “Sting, don’t do this now.” 

But he sang it aloud, with jubilation as he chanted the childhood name. “My little mouse, your ears have become loose. Let me fix them.” 

Unrelenting and frigid as she stared him down, only worsening his sly teasing. Minerva wouldn't do anything; for she secretly loved it. Loved the memories they had shared behind her father's back. He ruminated on his way over, maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to approach her. 

"You saved our asses out there, y'know." Gently prying open her folded arms, fingers sliding over the broken silk. Almost electrifying as he passed over her olive skin. 

She glowered, "Tell me something I don't know." Her hands settling in his chest -holding back a whimper as her thumbs rubbed over the scars. A final warning, "I will find myself another room. It's over, for now."

His hands still managing to creep up into her obsidian locks. Tension subsiding from her jaw, down to her shoulders as he pulled through. Careful not to disturb her small buns as he combed through every knot. As every bump was smoothed, they descended to the floor. Minerva falling into his arms. 

Exhaustion finally consuming her being. "Tomorrow. We'll be on our way home tomorrow." 

"They're already out of the woods," scoffing at his optimism. His fingers playing with the two knots settled on her head. Decrowning her of the title he'd bestowed, all traces of a mouse gone. 

Sting wasn't sure if there was anything else to say. Only one other way to soothe her doubts, fearing for himself as he crooned down. His lips doting on the crown of her hair. "Sting…," her eyes swimming as she looked up, "Don't make a mistake." 

But this was his girlfriend. His lips diving on the her cupid's bow, savoring the chalky red lipstick. Holding her chin as he pressed into her, ready to give what Minerva wanted. She pulled away for a brief moment, only to be covered by his once more. He needed this. "Please," he whimpered. 

Swelling with joy as she turned swiftly, falling into each other. The comforter pulled from the bed as Sting haphazardly placed it on the floor, afraid to release the tigress within his hands. He inched toward the zipper on her back, Minerva's bosom arching into him. His hesitation dissipating as he disrobed her, descending upon her curves as they laid on the floor. A beautiful escape. 

Each heady mewl and clawful of his skin, encouraging his ministrations. Biting down her breasts and taut stomach, marking her bruises with hickies in place. Spots that should have already been filled with sincerity. Encroaching onto what he held himself back from for so long. Rasping as he loomed above her dark patch, "Nobody will ever lay a finger on you." 

Gripping her waist as he delved into her folds, laughter mixed with the offset of pleasure. “And what of magic? Titania?” 

He merely peered up to wink, whispering into her thighs. “Nothing, nothing. Forget about that bitch.” 

Plush peaks wrapping enveloping him; now his own protection. He lapped at her arousal but stilled. Minerva’s fingers close to ridding his pants, coyly pressing against the pearl he had longed to rid of. The slightest of tremors working their way as Sting ripped through the turmoils he raved over nightly. A great rift the games created closing within a matter of seconds as every light touch made him regret keeping to his fragile tempts. 

“Minerva-” Cut off by tenderness. Softly petting the part he couldn’t stand, circling around and nipping. Gasping from pure devotion she sought to give. 

And down went his boxers and Sting mewled as he lay on his side. Unable to see the passionate glint in the hazel eyes he knew so well. “It’s a two-way street,” Minerva blowing softly as her finger mused against his folds; unhesitant to push in. 

Returning to the honeyed crests of the space between her thighs. Flattening his tongue against the dark muscle; Minerva biting down on the bundle of nerves. Just how he liked it. Her digits only distracting him as they pumped inside. Crying out as Sting delved into her pulsing lips. It wouldn't be plausible for his lady to give him the release, spearing his tongue into her heat. 

Her plush thighs tightening around his head -a good sign. Giving her darkened folds open-mouthed kisses; heat that pooled in his stomach, falling between Minerva’s fingers. Into her mouth. Sting already on the onset of a climax, clutching her bottom. Sidling closer to the virtues of his woman, careening Minerva into the highest glory. Just as she did for himself. 

Every muscle in his legs spasming as she continued to piston her fingers. A low grumble as prodded her swollen button with his tongue. Not ready to lose, not this time. 

“Miner-” Not a peep as he growled the rest of her name. Playfully pulling her waist, tracing her stomach with petty kisses. “The bed, now.” 

Her eyes piercing as she rolled over, sprawling onto the floor. “You’re the one who choose the floor.” 

Unrelenting as his kisses traced the hardened muscles of her back. Her curtain of hair pulled over her shoulders as he continued to the nape of her neck. A quiet giggle as he blew; the only ticklish spot she had. “I’ll pull you up there if I have to.” 

Her small musing erupting into a chuckle. “Tomorrow is a new day, Sting. To which you need to be well-rested.” 

Sting stalled as he hovered. What exactly was she implying? They had shared a bed before, too many times to count. “We don’t have to continue…” 

“Remember Jiemma?” Not even addressed as father. “I will see you tomorrow.” 

“But, Minnie,” his eyes watering. Fumbling as she wiggled away from him. “Don’t go,” he griped and commanded. 

Her chuckle only worsening. “My dress, baby.” The nickname littered with regret yet love. 

Stiff as his fingers listened. Even righting the small wrinkles in the embroidered silk. “Tomorrow?” 

She merely nodded. One last kiss placed against his lips before she stood. Still beautiful. Still hardened and cold. And Sting still lingering as he gripped her hand. Still as he watched her go. Only for him to be left on the golden bedspread. Holding tight as her scent lingered, her lips, her entire being. 

One idea spurring the rest of the night. An entirety of an ordeal as he plotted against their guild master. But as his plan worked, it didn’t keep the treasure. Their lady hit the ground running after their humiliating defeat. So much for the promises of a new day. 

~~~~~

Magnolia was rutted within the depths of hell, every building for miles to see crumbled within ruin. Fires of the highest degree surrounding the allied guilds as they fought against the latest enemy: Tartaros. Cringing every moment another drop of iron was spent, spilling from the innocent. A fucking mess. 

Exhaustion his second end only after the faintest essence of nostalgia passed him. Sting careful not to tell a single soul of what he was really after. His right hand just as belligerent as he came to be as the passed through demon after demon. Rogue the only person who has the faintest sense of what he was after. 

He screamed as heat seared past his side. Stumbling through the rubble as he grew closer to the darkened heavenly scent of orchids. 

"We have to go back," Rogue hissed. The slayer commandeering as ever. "Our allies-" 

Sting growled, pressing his hands against his abdomen. His vigor draining as he wheezed, "Our friend has more importance, don't you think?" 

Another whimper as Rogue's arms hoisted him up. Any sense or reason failing to reach Sting as he rambled on about their newfound duties to the guild alliance but he was Sabertooth's guild master, not Rogue! 

"Enough," inhaling for a timeless minute, "she's here. Somewhere. I can handle this, go back." 

Sting's dismissal untaken as his right hand sniffed the blotted air. Neither of their heightened senses peaking in the state of disarray. Though they were managing under the circumstances. 

He just wanted to call her name but feared Minerva would run. The usual dance they had played since she first took off. 

"Listen," Rogue echoed. The grip he held around his own shoulders tightening.

All he could identify was the roaring of fire. Raucous explosions caused by magic or the curse of that one blonde demon. None of those wretched spawn having the chance to fall to the good's knees. Each stringent infiltrating what he was truly reaching for -breathing. Sting closed his eyes, unsure of what to focus on. Training his ears to the most minute of noises; pebbles of wreckage tumbling from a nearby building. 

And in that fold, was the cress of labored breaths. All welling from an injured bodice, inching his nose as he realized it was exactly what he'd scrounged for. 

Ripping away from Rogue's side, he tumbled through cement and broken walls to the wreckage of battle. The loser laying in a bed of steely metal and dust.

"Minnie," Sting croaked. Tears welling from his eyes as he looked upon her battered form.

He had changed but so had she. 

Twisted horns sprouting from her head, in conjunction with the raven patch that sat over her eye. Claws scathed and pointed from the tips of her fingers. Each limb wrapped in an unfathomable purple fabric, a monster. What had they done to her? 

Her nickname going unacknowledged as he kneeled next to her. Anger burning through the tears that threatened to spill. Barely glossing over the bruises and burns that marred her olive skin. Just where to begin with first aid was mind boggling. The smallest idea of killing whoever did this to Minerva sprouting. 

Her breathing became more narrowed, Sting only becoming more frenzied. Pressing his forehead against her own, "Wake up." Letting his fingers entangle within her knotted tresses as he begged. "Pleasepleaseplease… We all make bad choices. We've both been through it," hoarse as he continued, "and- and we've all been forgiven. Just give yourself the chance." 

The long moment growing as he bore down. His tears streaking down her sharp cheekbones in lines of gray. 

Just give yourself the chance. 

Hope dwindling as Minerva's chest heaved less and less. The eerie presence of Rogue unsettling as Sting lay there with her. 

"She needs treatment," obvious advice coming from his partner. 

He shook his head, knowing she would be condemned if they brought her to Fairy Tail's makeshift medical tent. Struggling to think as her lifeless body lay under him. Only one thought pervading: his own curse of light. Growing ever more tiresome as his hands lined up over her abdomen, a long winded force of magic scorching through his fingers. 

"Insanity," Rogue belted, "Your magic can't heal." And he was right. Sting wasn't going to let that small rule stop him, it was his last resort. 

A pure rune widening as he muttered the Latin verse. One that promised gave an unveiled promise of protection of evil, though only those vain enough could pertain the blessing. Sting hoped his sheer will could surpass the demonic blood that pumped through Minerva. The crest of the seal beginning to burn into her abdomen, curling around the dark scrawl of Tartaros's mark. 

As the amble pressed forth, every expanse of deterred space filled with the blinding rays of the spell. Just the beginning as the real purge welled, dark spirals springing from every inch of her pale skin. Gaining the reaction Sting wished for moments earlier. 

Racked with turmoil, Minerva’s scream pierced his own eardrums; leaving them ringing as he held her down. He couldn’t drop the incantation now, nearing the end of the verse. Keeping his eyes closed, hoping to the gods that she would still. 

Sting knew that the purification would hurt like hell. Minerva just had to hold on for a little bit longer. Hoping that she could feel his love as he pressed on. Come back -the ethernano he pulled on bringing her to life with every second. 

She heaved forward, Minerva’s nails dragging into his skin. Sting reeling from the contact, burning from her painful touch. The last of the demonic presence draining from her hazel orbs. The exhaustion he felt before opening ten fold as he held onto her, panting in the stale air. All three of them struggling to breathe as he finished the spell. 

Damned if he couldn’t heal but he was the salvant. The sanctuary he always wished to be as his forehead stepped low, brushing against Minerva’s sillowed bangs. 

Strangled as she cried, “Sting…” 

He hushed her, clasping his hand behind her head. Every suppressed emotion revealed as his own cries were unleashed. “I’m here, Minnie,” falling at the name, “I always have been.” 

And he always will be. 

“You ready to go home?” The barest smile riding on his lips. 

An unheeded answer as Minerva’s tears fell onward. Unknowing of the final battles that raged as Rogue followed him down the path of Magnolia. Checking out at his own notice. 

Never did they unravel as they curled into each other’s arms. The new dawn stretching whence upon the two, a cusp of the light they were to develop once more. One kiss was lain on her brow, standing amidst the damage of a pervading evil. In time it would end as all things do. The only fruition making Sabertooth stronger. 

[ispast-blog]

Last Promise - taekook!gang fanfiction

CHAPTER II

"U-uh guys what are you doing here?"Jimin nervous as a little kid asked and quickly put his shirt on.

"Shouldn't we be the one asking you that?" Taehyung went to the living room and stared at Seoul.

"It doesn't matter you can clearly see what happened between us and that's all it is." Yoongi replied to him, it sounded like a lie.

He said that what he and Jimin have between each other is just sex. Yoongi looked unbothered by that, emotionless just like always but Jimin looked kinda hurt, even if he tried to hide it.

He looked hurt and it showed all over his face. The way his big soft pink lips turned a little down by this, the way his eyes looked at that moment.

Jimin was hurt but Taehyung and Yoongi didin't care.

Taehyung knows that Namjoon cares beacuse he is a good man. He still couldn't say anything after that, he couldn't ask Jimin if he is okay, at least not now. They have business to discuss.

"Okay hyung and Jimin but that's not what we are here for, someone has done us dirty and is 100% planning on doing it again." Taehyung was the one to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Who,how,when and why didin't you just call me. Jesus we are living in 2019 not 70s." Yoongi seated himself on the kitchen counter while Jimin stayed quiet, probably still hurt by the remark earlier.

"We don't know who exactly at least not yet, but they messed with us. The new drugs which were worth $5 million won are stolen and the only thing we have left from that place is a shoe that Hoseok is working on. Four of our clubs in China destroyed. They killed our biggest costumers and the fun fact about this is that they all fucking did it at the same time, not a second late during midnight." The more Taehyung thought and talked about this the worse it gets.

He heard Jimin let out a quiet small suprised gasp, almost unnoticeable. Jimin is really pure and sweet, Taehyung wonders how can people like him and Hoseok end in this awful place.

"They what now? It sounds like a start to something, what do we do? No, what can me and Jimin do to help?" At that Jimin's head snapped at Yoongi probably suprised at man for mentioning him.

"You and Jimin have a flight to China, me and Taehyung wanted to go but we will stay in Seoul beacuse something might happen again and beacuse Taehyung has more work to do than us." Just when Namjoon said that he remembered he had many stupid meetings that he doesn't want to think about or even attend. "You will check the places where clubs used to be along with Taehyung's men, Bring anything to Hoseok it doesn't matter if it is suspicious or not just bring something so he could look into it. Yoongi you can try to hack the security cameras but i don't think that is possible. They destroyed the one in the hideout where drugs used to be." Jimin looked like he was listening to everything carefully while Yoongi was looking bored as always.

"Okay you two know what you have to do, I will send you a text about the details since you wouldn't remember and beacuse you yourself said this ain't no 70s" Taehyung turned around from watching the city and headed to the doors with Namjoon following him.

"Okay g'bye hyung Namjoon and Taehyung." Sweet Jimin said.

"Goodbye Jimin, we will talk later 'kay? Taehyung has a soft spot for Jimin how couldn't he have a soft spot for him. He made sure to remember to talk to him about Yoongi later when this mess calms down.

Typical Yoongi didin't even say goodbye to them but how could he blame him, they came here uninvited.

They had a last destination and that was Kim Seokjin. Taehyung can't stand the man for some reason but still he bears with him, him and Namjoon got into his car again. Namjoon started the drive with radio playing some kpop song Taehyung couldn't stand, it was horrible.

He looked out of the window, looking at a colourful aesthetic sky who he really liked and wasted another twenty minutes of his life.

The car and thank god the radio stopped, Namjoon got out of the car again waiting for him to join.

"You know Taehyung something is wrong with me, I can't tell if you either didin't want to ask or you didin't want to disturb me or just didin't care." Namjoon leaned against his car, preparing himself for a deep conversation they didin't have in a long time.

Taehyung knew that something was up with him, he should have felt bad for not asking, he didin't want to say anything during this mess." Yeah hyung I know something happened and I'm going to be honest with you I didin't want to ask, not at the moment when all of this is happening. Tell me, are you okay Joon?" They have been friends for a long time and Taehyung doesn't mind calling him nicknames even if he didin't use it for a long time now and Namjoon looked slightly taken away by that. He didin't care he was tired to be caring if he is acting soft or not.

"Okay, me and Jin aren't in a good place, not after his sister died and that happened months ago. He blames me for it even if it wasn't my fault but that shit gets me, we were close friends for years. I could rely on him anytime I wanted, I trusted him and now that we have to see him I don't know, I feel weird." How didin't he see that before, Taehyung gave himself a mental slap in the face for being so blind.

"I don't fucking know what to say hyung, it's yours to resolve that and I suck at giving someone an advice but trust me I appreciate you telling me this. We are here to discuss business so keep it professional." Taehyung was already heading to the elevator that lead to Seokjin's business building.

Namjoon followed and kept up with him

"Thank you and you know that damn well I will keep it professional." Namjoon smiled with that dimpled smile of his that makes boys and girls melt.

They didin't have to even ring the bell once when they saw Seokjin already opening the door. "Good thing Yoongi said that I'm getting a visit otherwise I wouldn't let you in. You know it is not that hard to text or call someone." Seokjin looked dead, wait he didin't, he might look like he got no sleep for ten years but he still glowed and looked gorgeous as always.

"Did he manage to tell you what happened?" Namjoon replied looking professional just like always. Taehyung didin't miss the fact that Namjoon probably felt weird beacuse he haven't seen the black haired man in months.

"Yes stolen drugs and destroyed clubs."

Seokjin opened the door more, giving them the sign to come in.

"Yes and two killed costumers, we obviously need your help." Taehyung simply said, looking around Jin's place nothing changed, it just felt colder it used to be warm in here.

"Of course you come around when you need help but it is my job so what do I have to do now?" Seokjin gave an attitude probably disliking the fact he has to be in the same room as Namjoon.

"We need you to go to China with Jimin and Yoongi but we also need you to look at club files from there, who visited in the last month and anything suspicious and the last thing we need you to look at the files of Seoul airplane travels of the last month focus on the ones from China to Seoul or from Seoul to China. And you will look up the cases of our ex dead costumers" Namjoon avoided as much eye contact as possible. Both of them were being silly and childish.

"Oh my god sounds so fun, can't wait!" The sarcasm was dripping trough Seokjin's mouth but he has to do his job and he himself knows he will do it. Nobody forced him to do this for a living, he wanted to do this himself.

Taehyung still can't stand Seokjin so he already said his goodbye's. "Bye Jin and have fun in China!" Sarcasm was dripping from his own mouth too.

Him and Namjoon finally could head home, after a such a long day and the fact that this will be a two hour drive or more makes him sick.

They drived in silence, comfortable one and thank god there was no radio today.

When he got in his own place it was dark already, the lights of the city under him shining bright. The dark and lights that haunt him, he already knows he ain't getting any sleep, he doesn't bother showering or changing his clotges he will do that tomorrow or in couple of hours. He decided to do his paperwork that was waiting for him all day long.

After what felt forever but still were just five hours his phone rang, He looked and saw who was calling him and it was Hoseok he picked up the phone immediately.

"Taehyung we found the owner of the shoe."

As soon as Hoseok said that, Taehyung was already on his feet putting his clothes on slowly, he already put his shoes on. How ironic, he answered to Hoseok "Who is it, do we know who is the person, what did it say?" He skipped right into questions.

"You and Namjoon better hurry up, it won't say a word and it is just quite." And the line went silent Hoseok sounded worried on the other side before he hung up.

Taehyung called Namjoon to inform him about the shoe person. "Namjoon meet me there,the shoes person is found, Hoseok is a genius. The person won't speak but we will make him or even her. I don't care how much it will take to speak but it will speak." Taehyung moved from his second floor to first one and was already heading to the elevator to take him to the another painful day.

He felt tired, as always.

"God damn okay got it, do you need me to pick you up?" Namjoon was rush talking in the moment, maybe scared beacuse it has been a long time since he tortured someone. On the other side he is Kim Namjoon so he wasn't scared more like nervousness was taking over his body. It was diffrent for Taehyung, he needs answers and he will get them and him being the sadist he is, he will enjoy causing someone pain.

It just the way he is,

he regrets it later,

that regret he has isn't enough to make him stop.

"No, I will drive myself for the first time in ten years." He almost thought Namjoon is going to argue over this because no way in hell is Taehyung capable of driving if he is tired, Namjoon was probably thinking he was going to fall asleep while driving he isn't that dumb and he is excited, he feels adrenaline pumping in his veins.

Taehyung unlocked his garage, revealing the ten expensive cars who he never knew the names of, he just got in one and started driving. It has been so long since Taehyung felt freedom, he felt good beacuse there was no one breathing down his neck, not even Namjoon was bothering him, that won't last long but he can still enjoy while he is at it.

The freedom, it will go away beacuse he has things to take care of, he has this shoe-person to take care of.

He almost forgot, the twenty minute long drive was taking his life away, he hates spending his life on such things. Driving in his car, not like he has an interesting life he just hates car rides. The street-lights looked aesthetic, they were poison but still effectivelybeautiful.

Taehyung loves aesthetic things as he mentioned before.

After admiring the night lights, darkness came as he turned to the empty rocky road. They can't have their hideout place in the city as obvious that is, they have to find a place the blue men wouldn't find, as like police can catch them Taehyung would love to see them try.

He arrived, at his destination. There was nothing special or unique here at this place, it is an abounded old building. A building where a lot of money worth drugs were stolen, a building where there stood a shoe and now a building where stood a person involved in this. He was last to join judging by the number of cars and by Namjoon standing in front of him, waiting for him as always. Namjoon is loyal to him and the feeling in mutual, he could always trust Namjoon and Namjoon could always trust him.

"Hoseok is inside, let's go" Namjoon didin't bother saying hello or hi, not that it mattered they are not that type of persons to greet after all they see each other almost everyday. The ground seemed moist and wet under his feet, the cause must be rain. The mud was disgusting and Taehyung hated every inch of it. They began walking opening the door, loud cracking noise filled the empty space. The door made a lot of noise and that is how everyone's eyes were on them, finally waiting for the ones who are always waited.

It was quiet, poor silence surrounding the cold and empty space.

Taehyung looked and looked at a boy, he looked at a owner of the shoe. Brown hair, big innocent eyes, small pink lips and those earings of his caught his attention. He looked younger than him or around his age, he also looked as tall as him and had a well built body. But Taehyung noticed that the boy doesn't look scared, he looks small even if he is not, he looks inoccent even if he probably is not. He was the one who has something to do with people who are making his reputation look bad, he helped and Taehyung doesn't care if he has to hurt him, he will. Those eyes and flushed cheeks won't get in a way, the only thing that might get in the way is that the unknown guy looks aesthetic.

Taehyung never met a person that gave him an aesthetic vibe, but now looking at him he had a long simple black shirt and basic jeans. What made him aesthetic was surely a lightning in this room but looking at other people he shined compared to them and Taehyung doesn't know what to do with that information. It was his face, it looked nice to look at, pleasing to look at, satisfying to look at.

Taehyung likes aesthetic things, but he will maybe have to destroy that aesthetic look of the boy's face, maybe even after he would look like a piece of art but just a fucked up one.

"What's your name?" Taehyung with slow steady steps moved closer to this rare type of person. He pulled his sleeves up and was ready to paint red if necessary. He observed the guy and he needed a name and he better give him one. The guy didin't answer no he didin't even look up at him, just ignored his existence and Taehyung hates that the most.

"Are you going to answer my question?" Taehyung walked around him, who is tied to the chair. He can read people and he can see that he isn't scared of Kim Taehyung, he is nervous and that is a big difference. Taehyung wants him to be scared of him, he wants to paint his face all red with his fist so the younger one could be scared. He was making that all easier and easier for him, he didin't even budge or look up from the dirty ground.

"Listen now and fucking look at me when I'm speaking." Taehyung took his chin in his hands, hard enough so it hurt and that made him look at Taehyung, the shoe owner still didin't look scared he looked more nervous and just a tiny bit mad as he saw him send him a small glare. Taehyung is intimidating indeed and he will do this right. In a even lower tone Taehyung continued with his empty threats. "If you don't tag along you will be dead for good and let me tell you no one will give a single fuck so don't be useless and answer the question!" The brown haired looked not taken back by that, he for sure knows who Taehyung is but isn't scared of him. But after looking at him for five more seconds he finally cracked something out.

"Jeon Jungkook as that file says that your friend has in his arms" he pointed at Hoseok and Taehyung really did see a picture of the boy in front of him and there must be many informations, Taehyung couldn't give less fucks about.

"Oh no no no, I already knew that but I just need answers from you, I need you to speak not the documents, that is boring don't you think?" Again they made their eyes connect. Jungkook's big,dark,inoccent eyes pierced trough his brown and confident ones. Eyes observed everything, Taehyung didin't dare to break eye contact. Waiting for Jungkook to start answering his questions. After what felt like seconds but were minutes.

Jungkook started to talk. Body calm while eyes not. Taehyung finds it funny how he can read him by his eyes and not body language, he can see trough them like open doors. "Fine, I will answer but only the questions I feel comfortable with. You obviously think I'm guilty, that is why everyone in this room is looking-observing me like some left over food for a wolf. Untie me and then I will talk, right now you are treating me like an animal." He spoke with that small lips and voice of his, again body calm, eyes wild. Hoseok wanted to refuse, not trusting the kid. "Untie him, he can't do any harm, not to me and not to you no need to overreact." As Taehyung's lips left those words out, Namjoon went to untie him from the chair. Taehyung observed the boy, him standing up, his black oversized shirt made him look even smaller, even if he was a tall man. Taehyung knows he felt small and that's why he looked small too. "Now I will talk, what do you want?" Taehyung then jumped right in, confidence filling the room just the way he walked closer and closer to the big dark orbs.

"What do we want? Huh what do you think we want Jungkook?" It was the first time he said his name out loud falling of his lips perfectly, he usually never remembers names of people who he doesn't care about or just doesn't want to know the name of them. "Tell us everything you know, It is your own fault after all that you can't keep your shoes on your own feet. What a weak move was that. Tell me now, what were you doing here last night at a building where my drugs used to be? You left a huge mark behind, a fucking shoe and that means you were in the rush. Again on the other hand it was really easy to find you, one day to be specific and it looks like you aren't under their protection. Now talk I have plenty of time a whole night and a day that is soon to come."

Jungkook's eyes and body language were giving him away, he wasn't scared he was uncomfortable and now looked smaller as ever. Taehyung knew he hit the sweet spot,quite proud of himself.

"I-i can't tell you everything, You are right about all of those things but you have to understand please." He looked small, Jungkook looked real small at this moment to the point he was stuttering but Taehyung needed answers, he needed the truth.

"Jungkook we are real fucked up at this moment and we need you to speak. Tell us, it will be easier this way" Taehyung will try it in a nice way and if he disobeys he will paint, he will paint his face red, he will paint his beautiful face red.

"Fine, I will tell you what I can." Jungkook looked confident again, he got himself back together. Taehyung knew it was all a mask, his biggest fears hidden behind it. He wasn't just nervous he was also scared for the first time. Taehyung knew it will be hard to get something out of him. He wants to do it in a nice way and not a hard one. Maybe he doesn't want to paint red, not on him, not today. Jungkook's eyes looked big, they looked scared. He can see everything trough his eyes. Yes, his voice wasn't stuttering anymore, his body didin't gave him away, his face calm. Those are the things you look at while trying to figure the person out, trying to see their emotions and feelings. You look at their body language, when they speak you observe it. It would give them away immediately, it gives most of the people away but not Jungkook. What gives him away are his eyes, it takes a certain someone to see what he is showing and feeling trough his eyes and Taehyung is that certain someone. He looked around to only see Hoseok and Namjoon look clueless. They are smart but they didin't notice Jungkook's eyes pleading for help and survival. Maybe he wanted to live but Taehyung has a feeling he isn't afraid of dying perhaps he is afraid of what comes after that just like Taehyung himself. He knows his place belongs to hell either way, everything is almost considered as a sin and he had done many and he keeps on doing them.

"Okay, Jungkook tell us what we need to know, tell us what is useful for us. You don't need to and you won't tell us anything personal. What you need to tell us is what happened here, last night. You need and you will help us, if you answer now we won't get the answers out of you in a hard way and by that I mean we won't hurt you." Taehyung looked in his eyes, he looked at his eyes deeper than the ocean itself and Jungkook's eyes gave it away, as always. He looks like a small child. Scared,nervous and small, so fucking small.

"I-i was here, ooh god I don't know how to tell you this. I was here because I had nowhere else to fucking go. I ran away but that doesn't concern you. It has nothing to do with this, s-so I ran away and I swear to god it had nothing to do with this. I didin't know this was a gang hideout place and then I saw them. I saw people dressed all in black, they saw me and I fucking panicked I didin't know what to do, how could I known? That's how I lost my shoe, I tried to escape and it worked. They had to go so that's why I was left alive. But I overheard their conversation." Everyone was patiently listening to him, for the next thing he was going to say. Jungkook then continued. "They said something as: This will be a huge move, we all strike at midnight and we can't mess this up i overhead them saying that they need to make boss happy, and if everything goes by plan that Kim Taehyung will reach his downfall. I-i also think they will attack you again somehow." It looked like Jungkook was done with his talking but Taehyung knew it was far from that, he knew that Namjoon and Hoseok will get every possible detail out of him. It is going to be a very long night.

Taehyung walked closer to Jungkook, having no intentions or maybe so. He wanted to be closer to to the boy so no maybe so he had an intention. "How old are you kiddo?" He looked at those big brown eyes which made him look like a child. "As I said before there is that file over there, where you can know everything you want to about me."

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 73-75

When I die, I want S*JM to lower my iron coffin so she can let me down one last time.

We open up with Manon making a run for it , revealing Alien gave her the Wyrdkeys before confronting Maeve.

Elide stirred, at last coming to, just as they were nearly out of hearing range. She began thrashing, and Manon dumped her behind a dune, gripping the back of her neck so tightly Elide stilled at the iron nails piercing her skin.

I mean yeah, Elide, what the fuck do you want Manon to do about it? Have you all die rather than letting Alien be captured and the rest of you get away with the Wyrdkeys? God, I think I’ll have to disown Elide at this point, she’s been reduced to nothing more than a tool to prop Alien up.

No one healed [Aelin’s] ravaged back, barely more than a bloody slab of meat, as they guided her into the iron box. Made her lie upon her wounds.

Yeaaaaaaaah, with the iron coffin blocking all of her magic, she’s gonna be dead come the end of the day. There’s no way she’s surviving the journey back to Maeve’s place after being whipped hundreds of times, her ass is grass.

Maeve disowns Lorcan for betraying her and peaces out. You go, Maeve, even if you didn’t actually get the Wyrdkeys, you’ve been more badass and intimidating in two chapters than Alien was in an entire series.

A roar grumbled on the horizon. Abraxos.

MY BABY DRAGON BOY!!!!! HE’S SAFE AND ALIVE!!!!!!!!

The chapter ends after Maeve leaves with Alien trapped in the iron coffin. A satisfying conclusion, indeed. Next!

Thunderous, swift steps. Then a hand gripping [Lorcan’s] hair, yanking back his head as a dagger settled along his throat. As Rowan’s face, calm with lethal wrath, appeared in his vision. “Where is Aelin.”

After this, Rowboat calls Alien his wife and Lorcan cries for some reason??? He hates Rowboat and Alien, why would he feel sorry for them??

The rest of the gang rolls up to the party to discover Alien is missing. Oh no, do you see it coming over the horizon? It’s a shit load of Alien splooging!

Rowan breathed, “Aelin would die to forge the new Lock to seal the keys into the gate—to banish Erawan. But no one would know. No one but us. Not while you wore her skin for the rest of your life.” Aedion dragged a hand through his blood-caked hair. “But any offspring with Rowan wouldn’t look anything like—” Lysandra’s face was pleading. “You would fix that, Aedion. With me.”

....Wow.

I mean really. Wow. That was Alien’s plan. To force Lysandra to abandon her identity forever to become Alien 2.0, and for Assdion to be forced to have children with Lysandra to keep up the lie. All without asking any of her friends for their consent in this plan.

She really is an awful person. There is no defending this shitty behavior. Literally nothing you say about her will change my mind; Alien is the worst YA main character I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading about. She can eat shit for all I care about.

Aedion flinched as if he’d been struck. “And when were you going to reveal this? Before or after I thought I was taking my gods-damned cousin to bed for whatever reason you concocted?”

I mean yeah, I don’t blame him for getting pissed! This is Alien basically dictating his entire life and role to him and he gets no say in this. What utter bullshit!

Everyone gets all pissy and stomps away from each other but I don’t care, Manon POV and the 13 are alive!!!!!!

Asterin was alive. The Thirteen were alive. And it was joy in Manon’s heart—joy, she realized, as she beheld those smiling faces and smiled back.

PROTECT MANON AND HER 13!!!! THEY DESERVE THE WORLD!!!!

Asterin brushed a hand over Elide’s hair as the girl wept into her shoulder.

Lowkey ship? Either way, girls supporting girls is so precious I love this unghhhhh it’s so pure.....

“What are you going to do?” Asterin breathed, her eyes so bright. Manon looked behind them. To the north. “I am going to find the Crochans. And I am going to raise an army with them. For Aelin Galathynius. And her people. And for ours.”

Not happy Manon is lowkey gushing for Alien rn but she’s also looking out for her own kind, so I’ll accept it.

Everyone angsts over Alien and how selfless and noble she was to give her life up for theirs, blah blah blah, whatever. Manon gives the keys to Dorito and the chapter ends.

This is it. The last chapter. Holy shit we’re almost done with this flaming turd!

Rowan had married Aelin before dawn barely two days ago. Aedion and Lysandra had been the only witnesses as they’d awoken the bleary-eyed captain, who married them quickly and quietly and signed a vow of secrecy.

I love how this is only revealed now because the plot demanded it, rather than having it happen beforehand so it didn’t seem so out of place. I’m smelling something..... begins with ‘a’ and ends with ‘ss pull’.

[Rowan]’d leapt in front of [Aelin] at Skull’s Bay knowing [they were mates], deep down. Knowing mates aware of the bond could not bear to harm each other

Love how SJM lowkey realized “Oh shit, mates can’t harm each other and I had Rowboat and Alien physically abuse one another in the third book! Eh, they have to be aware of it to not abuse one another, so that makes it okay!” Very classy, SJM.

Aelin had known, though. That he was her mate. And she had not pushed it, or demanded he face it, because she loved him, and he knew she’d rather carve out her own heart than cause him pain or distress. His Fireheart.

Footage not found. Also, I can’t even bring myself to find the “special nicknames for each other” trope cute because these two are such raging assholes. I’m glad this book ends with them miserable and separated.

[Aelin]’d tried to tell [Rowan]. Right before the ilken converged. Tried to tell him she’d vomited her guts up on the ship that day not because she was pregnant but because she’d realized she was going to die.

Hmmm, seems quite convenient. Also damn, does SJM have a vomiting fetish or something because Alien pukes her guts up in literally almost every book and that’s like, the only symptom of PTSD SJM ever shows with her characters. Don’t shoot the messenger, I’m just saying.

[Aelin] did not think she’d ever see [Rowan] again. He did not accept that. He would not accept that.

Please spare us the misery of another book of you finding her, Rowboat, literally nobody wants it.

Fight it, [Rowan] willed [Aelin], sending the words down the bond(...). Fight her. I am coming for you. Even if it takes me a thousand years. I will find you, I will find you, I will find you.

So many concepts and quotes I should be getting feels over, but they’re squandered on such asshole characters. Seriously, someone write this but like, with a good ship, I’d read the fuck out of that.

Ansel and the other armies Alien collected roll up also, and a new challenger approaches!

“Who are you,” Rowan ground out. But the young man was now close enough that Rowan could see the color of his eyes. Turquoise—with a core of gold. Aedion breathed as if in a trance, “Galan.” Galan Ashryver, Crown Prince of Wendlyn.

Here’s a guy who showed up in one scene in the third book with no lines and barely any screen time but we’re supposed to be awed at his appearance. Lmfao.

So yeah, because every fucking person in this universe apparently owes Alien a life debt for gracing them with her presence, a billion fucking ships are here to serve her and Assdion and Rowboat cry over how uhmayzing and uber special Alien is and kiss her ass even though she’s not present. I’ll spare you the details.

And the last piece of it … if Chaol Westfall and Nesryn Faliq could rally forces from the southern continent …

Chaol and Nesryn deserve so much better......... I don’t think I can read T0D because I hear my poor Chaol got butchered as well and reading Dorito’s character get murdered in cold blood hurt so much.

Lysandra strolls out shape shifting as Alien. I’d point out that SJM has made it clear shifting exhausts Lysandra so logically she couldn’t keep up the appearance of Alien for long but who cares, the book’s almost over.

Everyone agrees to put aside their fighting and differences to save Alien, because the world can’t survive without her. Gag me with a spoon.

Rowan clasped Aedion’s forearm. “The lines have to hold. Buy us whatever time you can, brother.” Aedion gripped his forearm in return, eyes burning bright.

@ SJM let them hug you fucking coward

Rowan brought [Aelin’s] shirt to his face and breathed in her scent. Felt something stir in him—felt the bond flicker.

You just had a somber moment of all the characters saying goodbye to each other and then you ruin it with Rowboat getting a boner at Alien’s blood shirt holy fucking shiiiiiit no we’re moving on this novel is almost over

Unleashing a cry that set the world trembling, Prince Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius, Consort of the Queen of Terrasen, began the hunt to find his wife.

Who cares, not me!!!!!! Because this piece of shit is over!!!!!!

I’d like to make a well written and neat essay to sum up my thoughts, but really, everything is just Bad. Real Bad. Shitty writing, shitty plot that was just an excuse for huge amounts of porn, and the characters. Holy fucking shit. Never have I wanted to strangle a character as much as I want to strangle Alien. Worst YA protagonist ever, imo.

Now it’s time to take a break after the horrors this book has put me through, and to decide what horrific novel I expose myself to next. Don’t buy SJM novels, kids.

[xiuhunsoo]

got tagged by @ilovkji to answer 85 questions about myself! thank you love! 

idk who to tag tho, i feel like i’m gonna annoy people :(((

last

1. drink – lemon iced tea

2. phone call – my dad today

3. text message – uh one of my best friends

4. song you listened to – f(x) ft zico - traveller

5. time you cried – sunday when i watched along with the gods with tawa

ever

6. dated someone twice? - haven’t even dated anyone once so no

7. kissed someone and regretted it – no

8. been cheated on – still no and if anyone ever does they have another thing coming

9. lost someone special – yes

10. been depressed – idk i never got it diagnosed with it but looking back on things i probably was for a while, i’m not anymore though only have some other mental shit going on 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up – nah, i stop before it comes to that point

fave colours

12. any shade of blue

13. dark red

14. dark green

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends – yes

16. fallen out of love – no

17. laughed until you cried – lmao 10 times already just this week

18. found out someone was talking about you – yes both in good and bad ways

19. met someone who changed you - oh yes

20. found out who your friends are - YEAH LMAO

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list – no

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl – all of them except one nobody really uses facebook anymore so i never really added my internet friends and i never added strangers

23. do you have any pets – no :(((( 

24. do you want to change your name – no

25. what did you do for your last birthday – uhhhhh ohh i met three friends and we went to explore the city and got lunch together and then one of my best friends surprised me at home with presents and decorated it was really cute and we went for cocktails!

26. what time did you wake up today – considering i slept like 1-2 hours today and it didn’t feel like i slept at all idk when exactly i woke up

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - was on tumblr, was chatting with rina and was trying to write that luchen drabble for her

28. what is something you can’t wait for – the zoo trip on saturday, my bulgaria holidays in two weeks and netherlands trip with my dad and berlin + music bank in september!

30. what are you listening to right now – nothing, i feel like just listening to the city’s sounds outside my window rn

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - not consciously no? maybe someone i only got briefly introduced to was named that, maybe that bf of a friend’s friend?????? i can’t remember

32. something that gets on your nerves – my dad filing his nails for HOURS on end (ok it’s minutes but sometimes he does it multiple times in an hour and it just.......why)

33. most visited website – tumblr lol

34. hair color – blue!

35. long or short hair – on myself? it’s chin length and sometimes a bit shorter

36. do you have a crush on someone – only if celebrities count, i don’t develop crushes easily and i only ever really had one, are feelings even real

37. what do you like about yourself – my hair! and my ability to make my friends feel loved and cherished!

38. want any piercings? – since i’m allergic to any earrings i never entertained the idea anymore so no

39. blood type – fuck if i know

40. nicknames – anna is already a nickname i suppose

41. relationship status – sehun is my husband idk what to tell you here

42. zodiac - taurus sun, sag moon, cancer rising

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows – exo showtime, free! & yuri on ice, doctor who season 1-4, supernatural 1-3, some kdramas, idk my mind is blanking here

45. tattoos – none and idk if i’m ever gonna be committed enough for them, i love seeing others have or get them though!

46. right or left handed - right handed

47. ever had surgery - yeah but only a light one

48. piercings – used to have my ears pierced but i became allergic

49. sport – used to be in a swim club for 10 yrs and did zumba and step aerobic afterwards oh and i went to horseback riding lessons for a while

50. vacation – yeah i do that a lot lmao and want to do it a whole lot more

51. trainers – do converse count and i have iron man vans

more general

52. eating – idk i love different cuisines esp korean, pasta, cookies and desserts in general

53. drinking – tea and coffee and wine and raspberry mojitos keep me going

54. i’m about to watch – i feel like rewatching all my classics like hp, star wars and lotr

55. waiting for – saturday and my trips to bulgaria/netherlands/berlin

56. want – my exo lightstick to arrive on time for music bank 😬

57. get married - if my partner wants it? but i have no real aspirations for it myself? i never actively think about it at least

58. career – idfk i’m studying asian studies but i guess i’d need something economics like to get somewhere with that for my masters

which is better

59. hugs or kisses – hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - i really don’t care but it’s hard to be shorter than me

62. older or younger - depends on the age gap lol

63. nice arms or stomach – arms.......but tummies...........idk i lov both

64. hookup or relationship – relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant – hesitant

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger – no

67. drank hard liquor – yeah

68. lost glasses – no, though i forgot them once in my host family in china but they sent them via post to the hotel we stayed in next

69. turned someone down – yes 

70. sex on first date – idfk i’d lean towards no though..........

71. broken someone’s heart – yeah probably

72. had your heart broken – no

73. been arrested - no

74. cried when someone died - yeah

75. fallen for a friend - no

do you believe in

76. yourself – sometimes

77. miracles – not really

78. love at first sight – no, attraction at first yes but you cannot love someone that fast

79. santa claus – used to but i caught my mum in the act lol

80. kiss on a first date – yeah why not

81. angels – only if we count sehun as one

other

82. best friend’s name – rina 💖

83. eye color – blue, though it’s more turquoise i guess

84. fave movie – so many, i’m a slut for iron man tho ngl

85. fave actor – is it too cliché for me to say do kyungsoo also rdj and a bunch of others

[gotgifsandmusings]

Will you be doing a write up about your thoughts on Solo? Really curious and excited to hear your detailed thoughts on the movie and why you thought it was so bad!

Ideally I’d have had time today for a very thorough write-up or video, but I can at least give my quicker take now.

FULL SPOILERS FOR SOLO BELOW.

I mean...we know where the character ends up.

But still.

FULL SPOILERS FOR SOLO BELOW.

Here we go.

The unofficial tagline of this movie should be, “hey, if you think SJWs are ruining Star Wars, this is the film for you!” Or maybe “If you’re still really really angry about the EU being nixed, come watch Solo.” And most definitely, “If you feel TLJ ruined the integrity and fiber of SW by ‘shitting on the fans’, pandering to liberals, or giving us Rose Tico, grab a bucket of popcorn!”

(And yes, I know TLJ is polarizing from all sides of the fanbase.)

This was, without question, a movie that plays into all the worst instincts of the white, male gatekeepery segment of the SW fanbase. And I mean, it’s a fucking Han Solo prequel; I sort of expected misplaced badass worship going into this, because most people seem to miss that Han is an adorable puppy dog.

Now, to be clear, I honestly went in with an open mind. I was never particularly excited this movie existed, since Han is the second most boring choice from the OT for a prequel (Luke clearly being the first). However, after learning Ron Howard took over and seeing the trailer, I had a feeling that while I wasn’t likely to love this movie, it might still give me a fun ride.

It was so weirdly not fun at all. Like, it’s paced very strangely. We’ve got Han’s opening sequence where he escapes Corellia (and leaves his gf behind), a sequence that sort of catches us up to his time as an imperial soldier (they mention him getting kicked out of the navy in one sentence, and given that’s where he learned to fly, it felt strange) and defects because he hates these purposeless horrifying wars (that’s why you always bring a clone!) and meets Chewy in the process (oh hey he happens to speak Wookiee), a train robbery sequence where we watch Thandie Newton get squandered and we’re not given any real reason to care about this being successful (they tried with some bullshit that he could go back to Corellia for his gf with the money, but that relationship was never exactly established), the Kessel run team assembly and run after meeting the Crimson Dawn organization (and surprise...his gf!), and then what I guess is the final showdown following the Kessel run that involves “betrayals” with people who never promised each other anything, set-up for a Qi’ra spinoff with Darth Maul (??), Han being totally onboard with the rebellion but he won’t go with them for reasons, and then the final winning the Falcon scene to fill in all the gaps, as he heads to Tatooine to go work for Jabba right away.

So, there’s all these pieces, and it kind of has the feeling of playing through a level in a video game. You’re sitting waiting for the next cut-scene, because during the mission itself, there’s not any reason to particularly care about the stakes. I suppose you vaguely want Han to survive, and Lando, but there’s really nothing that this movie seeks to say or explore other than “here’s what happened.”

Which just...isn’t centered around a character worth that exploration, I’m sorry. Han begins the OT as a “look out for myself” struggling smuggler, and very quickly finds himself compelled by something greater than himself. This movie couldn’t get him there, but then they couldn’t think of a reason how to not get him there, so he just randomly chooses to go off and be a pirate.

The one tenuous thread is “trust nobody,” and surprise surprise, his romanticized teenage girlfriend has ambition in a crime organization and after telling Han she’s going off with him, she doesn’t. But there’s nothing that connects that moment to Han then going and giving over the fuel to the Rebel Alliance that had showed without asking for anything in return. Also, after that moment, Han is stranded on a planet that has nothing but desert lean-tos and an oil refinery. The whole movie he was just trying to get to a place where he could be ‘free’ and ‘explore’ or something (like a Disney Princess?), driven by his great love. There’s really nothing that would have logically stopped him from becoming a rebel at that point in time. Was it distrust? Because then why did he just hand over the fuel out of the goodness of his heart? 

Sorry, this is a rabbit hole. Things happened because they happened. The great untold story of Han Solo is apparently “I got dumped by a girl I didn’t think would dump me, and that made me a sad loner for 20 years.” To be frank, there’s really nothing that particularly connects this character to Han Solo in ANH. Other than significant dice ownership, I guess.

What makes it worse is that there’s so much idiotic “AHA, we filled in THIS moment!” Like, the music literally swells any time something ~iconic~ from the OT happens. Han gets handed his blaster (it’s literally a random gun) and we recognize it. MUSIC!! Chewie sits in the copilot’s seat. MUSIC!!! The dialogue is even clunkier than that. “Chewbacca, huh? I’m going to need to think of a nickname for you.” “You’re the good guy, Han.” “I know a gangster on Tatooine who always is looking for work.” I have never groaned or rolled my eyes more during a film than I did for this one.

It’s the anal “every detail needs explanation” style of writing that plagued the EU, and kind of led the SW fandom to that stupid, curative gatekeepery vibe it held for so long. Not one single thing actually pushed on any ideas of the OT, or took a remote risk, or was even inventive. 

Then there was the very angry stick the writers decided to shake. You know who sucks? SJWs. Let’s make them a big ol’ joke! So we had a droid that was for droid-rights, in a very “played for laughs” kind of way. At one point Lando asks if she needs anything, and she says “equality?”, and he just rolls his eyes. At another point she starts a droid and slave revolt on Kessel, and he’s like, “oh that stupid droid is at it again!” Quite literally a straw-feminist who got in the way, was so shrill and annoying with her demands, and then got herself blown up. Lando even full on says he would have had her memory wiped, but she has useful navigational information.

And really, the whole movie just felt pandering to the fans who would appreciate those jokes. The ~sanctity~ of Star Wars and Han wasn’t touched or questioned in any way, and written with such self-congratulatory dialogue it was legitimately embarrassing to watch.

My favorite example is the Darth Maul scene. It’s not really work getting into, but at the end, Qi’ra talks with him via hologram, and he’s the leader of a crime organization sorta in league with the empire. (Does he know Palps was Sidious?) It’s very clearly Maul, but first he lowers his hood. Get it? Then he stands up and shows us his robot legs. Get it??? Then he force-calls his lightsaber to him for literally no reason, because the conversation is basically her pledging her devotion and not needing to be convinced or threatened in any way. THEN he lights it up and it’s his iconic double-sided blade. GET IT????

I could not stop laughing, and Griffin ended up having to poke me in the sides because I think the people in the row were starting to turn around. 

I honestly think this is a worse film than the prequels. There was no reason for it to exist, and no story it was even trying to tell. Lucas’s story was pretty terrible for Anakin and the rise of the Empire, but at least it existed. It also felt kind of revenge-fic-ish in a way that’s sort of hard to articulate.

Donald Glover was the one shining spot of the movie (even if he uncomfortably had to roll his eyes at the concept of equal rights), and it really just makes me sad it wasn’t his prequel in the first place. 

Also, Qi’ra is the most non-character character I’ve seen yet. She has pretty much no personality, and then the big ~reveal~ at the end that she betrays Han is kind of like, “okay?”, since we have no grasp on what she’s been up to, or what her motivations are at all. We know she thinks Han is hot. That’s it.

Anonymous said to gotgifsandmusings:

Is Solo trying too hard to be Guardians of the Galaxy?

No, it demands to be taken seriously. Which is not helping its cause.

I guess this ended up being longer than I expected. I really was in the mood to see something that was just kind of, “eh, this isn’t great, but it’s fun enough,” and at worst I expected it to be in the “meh” category. Instead, I was actively cringing in my seat. My best hope is that I can appreciate it ironically in a few years. 

[pinksausageduo]

hwang minhyun|the heirs

member: hwang minhyun genre: fluff summary: heirs au! you never thought you ever had a chance with hwang minhyun, the heir to the empire hotels and to billions of dollars, but you never knew you caught his eye either, who would have thought that a masquerade ball could make everything possible heirs series: hwang minhyun | kang daniel | park woojin | yoon jisung | ong seongwoo | park jihoon

you’ve liked minhyun from the moment you stepped into 101 academy

the school for the elite of the elite

everyone was a heir to millions or billions of dollars

you included

your mother was one of the best fashion designers in the world owning several high end and normal brands with your father dealing with the business side

your mum inspired your love of fashion and the aspiration to be a fashion designer

in total your family earned around 300 million dollars a year

but your family wanted to make sure you weren’t raised spoilt so you three lived like a middle class family in a 3 bedroom house, normal car, normal neighbourhood, nothing expensive and you were homeschooled

but when you got to high school you were suddenly exposed to your family’s wealth

huge mansion, fancy cars, ridiculously expensive private school, luxury  everything

you got used to it after a while

but the luxury and grandeur of the school still amazed you

with a michelin star chef providing all meals and your own personal room with a bathroom and a closet

you could design the room any way you want

of course you made it into a fashion design studio

best bit was the second half of the day you get to make create and design clothes as that was your major, fashion

you can also request a personal tutor to give you advice with fashion and running a clothing business

it was an amazing school

but you still had to attend classes for the first half of the day which were really educational and suited for your fashion career

one of those classes was business with minhyun

you knew he didn’t need to attend the class or even school

he was ridiculously smart with degrees in hotel management and business from harvard

and he was in high school

he only went to school because his parents were alumni and insisted for him to go

you had absolutely no chance with minhyun

not only was he freakishly smart

he was part of the heirs

they were basically royalty, the 11 of them, the most eligible bachelors around, the richest, the most handsome, all the best in their own respective fields but they were distant towards nearly everyone except for a few of them, they were the kings of school

minhyun also was one of the most sought out guys in the school

he had the nickname emperor hwang i had to use it lol

minhyun would be taking over his family business of running the empire hotels. they’re the best hotels in the world every single of them 5 stars. and there were thousands across the globe. amusingly he’s named emperor hwang because he’s the “emperor” of his empire, his company.

he was also ridiculously good looking with milky white skin and jet black hair, his gorgeous dark brown eyes with an air of elegance and distant, nonchalant attitude

but that didn’t attract you to him it was his comforting innocent nature he hid under his mask he wore to the public

for some reason you wanted to be the one to crack the mask

but that was in your dreams even if he knew of his existence

he had so many girls after him

girls prettier, richer, smarter, nicer and more talented than you

you never stood a chance

you were completely wrong though

you caught his eye the moment you walked into his business class

there was just something about you

you carried yourself not with the arrogant stuck up attitude that so many did but with a gentle kindness

there was just a sweet softness making him instantly attracted to you

not to mention the gorgeous smile of yours and how adorable you were

and anytime he sees you laugh or smiling

he couldn’t help but smile

he knew he was falling for you

but he was just plain awkward around you

like no matter how he tried he could never say more than hello

and he didn’t talk to you in front of people because people would make a big fuss and give you a hard time

he even told the other heirs about it

they teased him endlessly and gave the worst advice which wasn’t surprising since they were all single

but both of you knew there was something going on

you had absolutely no fucking clue what it was exactly

he confused you to no end

when it was just you two or little people he was super sweet even though the interactions were always short

you’d glance at each other in class and share a smile

making you feel all soft and gooey

and whenever he’d say hello to you you couldn’t help but blush

but when there were other people he’d completely ignore you?

you just tried to ignore your feelings as much as possible

by basically avoiding him

not in sight not in mind right? lol you wish

but nope the feelings did not go down one bit

though you remember one incident

the one that gave you hope

you fell asleep in the library studying for exams and when you woke up you had the school’s blazer over you

the name tag: hwang minhyun

you had the biggest internal freakout at that moment

you’d fell asleep right in front of minhyun and looked really tired and cold so he couldn’t help himself but put his jacket over you

hoping maybe when you give it back you guys could start a conversation

but the next day you were too shy to give it to him person so you left it on his deck

he was super disappointed and pouted all day

and when you mustered up your courage to talk to him the next day

you found out he left for family business and won’t be back until new year’s eve

you cursed yourself for your bad timing

but that was a few weeks ago

you revert your attention back to the stunning dress in front of you

it was for the new year’s masquerade ball that ironically minhyun’s family was hosting

the ball would be extravagant with the finest food, expensive ball gowns and a special show of fireworks

it was your first time going to ball, you’ve been to fundraisers and dinners but nothing as big scale as this

and it was a huge opportunity to boost yourself into the fashion business on your own merit not your mothers

if people liked your dress you could give out your business card which led to business opportunities and connections

your attention turned to your dress

it was your best work yet

the gorgeous scarlet colour of dress contrasted amazingly with the golden embroidery which was done all by your hand

you especially dyed your hair into a super dark jet black to complement the dress if you have a black hair imagine the darkest jet black

with 2 hours left you needed to get ready

time flied by and you realised you were going to be late

you put your converse on there was no way in hell you were wearing heels plus the dress covered your feet you made sure of it

your limo pulled you out in front of the huge hotel as you put on your gold mask

the doors were nearly closing as you entered into a huge magnificent ballroom

which you had to go down a million stairs to get to

BANG! the doors closed and everyone’s eyes were on you

you went bright red thankfully with the dim lighting nobody could tell

taking a deep breath you walked down the steps as carefully and gracefully as possible

the lighting making the gold embroidery even brighter and the dress looked amazing

you got to the bottom and everyone was still staring at you making you super self conscious

before you could even walk a step

a tall handsome stranger decked out in an incredibly expensive looking suit and a black mask covering most of his face came up to you

he reminded you of minhyun

your heart sped up hoping it was but as the mysterious stranger said in a deep rough voice to you

“would you like to dance?”

you instantly knew it wasn’t him

minhyun’s voice was soft and sweet not rough and deep

but you automatically accepted annoyed at yourself for thinking about minhyun

as you started dancing the guy said “that was quite an entrance but i’ll say as much i am impressed with the dress the converse caught my attention a bit more” ending with a chuckle

you were properly mortified “oh gosh you saw? i knew i should of made the hem longer” you said trying not to look at him in the eye

“don’t worry i only noticed because i couldn’t keep my eyes off from you” he said smoothly making you blush and you literally wanted to swoon

before you could say anything he continued

“you made the dress?” he asked impressed

“yup, i’m a budding fashion designer” you said lightly

“well after this dance i’ll introduce you to all the people you should meet then maybe i get to keep you all to myself?” he asked hopefully

you laughed making him smile sweetly at you

“we’ll see pretty boy we’ll see” you answered mischievously

“well before i introduce you to people i should know your name right?” he said

“hmmm only if you give me yours” you quip back

“but i want to stay a mystery” he said jokingly whining a little

“i want to too” you say smirking

“well how about we reveal our faces and our names a bit before 12 in the garden and then afterwards we can watch the fireworks?” he compromised

“sure why not? but why so reluctant?” you asked

“well i think you’ll treat me differently when you know who i am” he said sheepishly

you smiled sweetly “i won’t i genuinely don’t care who you are or how much money you have, you’re already great company” you say sincerely

the guy gave you a beaming smile making you get butterflies

and for once in the last few months you think you might be able to get over minhyun

unbeknownst to you the guy you were currently dancing with thought the exact same thing but about you

minhyun felt different more confident, in the mask, plus the gorgeous girl in front of him just couldn’t help but make everything so much better

like he could not fuck up this opportunity with this amazing girl

plus if something goes wrong he can just run away and pretend none of it happened my backup plan for everything

the girl he was dancing with reminded him of you

you were both super sweet and sincere not to mention gorgeous

plus both of you made his heart beat way too fast to be humanly possible  with a single smile

but he didn’t think it was you because your hair was a different colour

and the dimmed lighting of the ballroom made it hard to see people’s faces

for just this one night he decided to forget how hopeless and awkward he was with girls especially you

and maybe even get over you

and try to be the gentleman that the stunning girl in front of him deserved

the type of guy you deserved

the next few hours you were introduced to so many people who loved your dress or were in the fashion industry or investors

you gave your business card to about 50 people which was amazing and so many more than you expected

of course your mystery partner didn’t get to see your name on the card

your mysterious guy also introduced you to 10 of his friends

“meet my friends” he introduced them

“hey it’s nice to meet you guys” you say friendly

“that dress is amazing who’s the designer” one of the smaller guys said in a cute pubescent voice

you instantly smiled “me actually”

the tallest guy said “damn really you’re ridiculously talented”

“if you make mens suits i need you to make me one WITH LOTS OF POCKETS” said another guy who had his arm around the guy with the cute voice

“i need you to be my stylist” another one who was standing extremely close to the tallest guy said jokingly

“you definitely need one dude” said one with a wicked snaggletooth

pointing at the dark purple suit the guy was wearing clashing with his blonde hair

you secretly agreed

“can we have your business card?” the smaller guy said again

“sure but you can’t show this guy over here we agreed to remain a mystery” you said with a grin while giving your partner a nudge

you handed them your business cards

mischievous smirks appeared on all their lips as they read the card

they all looked like they were going to burst out laughing

suddenly the tallest excused them and you said goodbye to all five of them

you didn’t see daehwi, jinyoung, woojin, jihoon and guanlin taking of their masks off because of how much they were all laughing in the corner of the ballroom

“so what is such a beautiful lady like yourself hanging out with my oh so awkward friend” a guy with broad shoulders said light heartedly while slinging an arm around your partner

“he’s actually quite gentleman and very charming” you quip back jokingly sassily

the guys looked shocked and stared bewildered at your partner

“ahh he finally decided to accept my old and wise wisdom” said one of the guys

“you mean old and useless” said the shortest guy

“DON’T DISRESPECT YOUR ELDER” the older guy said very motherly

the other guy raised his hands in defeat

one of the other guys came up to you and jokingly said to you

“take care of him, he’s annoyingly clean, he’ll probably be more in love with his vacuum cleaner than you and he’ll totally ditch his best friend, me. but i wish you and him the best”

you couldn’t help but laugh

“OK~, OK~, she passed, i like her she laughed at my kind of joke” he said

“please don’t encourage him” the one with the broad shoulders said with a smile that most girls would go crazy over

“i’ll try not to” you say with a smile of your own

“so when’s the wedding” the supposed elder piped in with a smirk

before you could say anything

“there will be no wedding because of me” another guy smoothly interrupted he was a definite charmer

“nah im joking” he continued light heartedly with a goofy smile

“but if he isn’t up to standard give me a call” he ended with an over exaggerated wink

does anyone have a doubt this is seongwoo

“never happening” you say teasingly

“i like her, she’s definitely a keeper” said the shortest one

and before you knew it the other 5 guys came back with their masks and all 10 of them were incredibly sweet said they hoped their friend was treating you properly

the one with the broad shoulders saying if he didn’t, to come to them and they’ll handle it

all of them agreed

you genuinely already adored those boys already and loved spending time with them

but all of them had people to meet and duties to attend to

so you parted ways

other than meeting people you spent the whole time with your mysterious partner

he was so so sweet

and such a gentleman

he always made sure you were comfortable and treated you like a princess

he also had the most impeccable manners

and not to mention the conversation never stopped flowing

your heart could not handle it

it fluttered, did backflips and died way too many times for you to count

you never thought it was possible to like someone this quickly

but you did and you loved every moment with him

especially dancing in his arms

the night was so much fun

all because of this one mysterious guy

you were dying to find out who he was

and before you knew it your mysterious guy was holding your hand leading you to the deserted gorgeous garden which was lit up with fairy lights

it was a few minutes before midnight

you faced each other getting ready to take the masks off

“you ready?” he asked slightly nervous

“definitely” you assured him

taking a deep breath both of you counted down “1, 2, 3″  

slowly you both took of your masks revealing your faces

you felt like your heart had a heart attack as you recognised his face

“MINHYUN??!!”

“Y/N??!!!”

you both exclaimed at the same time

you couldn’t deny it, it was minhyun

in all of his perfect handsome glory and of course at that moment he decided to do the hand through the hair thing

but why was his voice so different?

“minhyun why is your voice different?” you asked

“i have a sore throat, why the sudden hair change?” he asked in return

you groaned internally you dyed your hair of course he didn’t recognise you

“for the dress” you saw weakly

you both just stood there trying to process the whole situation

minhyun was cursing the guys for not telling him

you processed that you just interacted with THE HEIRS

and they knew who you were and approved?!!!

minhyun interrupted your thoughts by softly saying “y/n really thank you for the amazing night i haven’t had this much fun in probably years but it’s completely fine for you to go and search for other company” he ended dejectedly but politely

you were completely bewildered and asked earnestly “why would i want to do that?”

he looked a bit shocked too “because you don’t like me?”

“what do you mean i don’t like you??” you asked confused

“well you didn’t return my jacket in person and you avoid me like the plague” he answered with a touch of sadness and disappointment

you sighed in frustration and before you knew it words were spilling out of your mouth

“minhyun I LIKE YOU, i have since the moment i entered our business class, i avoided you and didn’t return the jacket personally because i knew i had no chance with you and i wanted to get over you not to mention i becoming a red blushing mess incapable of speaking”

you blush super red realising what you just said

but minhyun expression brightened like a million of city lights

he also realised how embarrassed you were

he sweetly said to you “if it helps i like you too, and it’s increased a ridiculous amount after tonight”

your head snapped up at his words “wait hold up, the emperor hwang, the one millions of girls want the attention of, the heir to the empire hotels and basically billions of dollars, likes me?” you said disbelievingly

he blushed more red than you at your compliments and he quietly said “yes y/n i like you a lot”

“i can’t believe it” you said completely shocked

he sounded sincere and you were slowly really believing it

you felt like your heart already died and went to heaven

your mind was going haywire but all of it stopped

to be honest you felt like the world stopped

as you felt a soft hand on your cheek leading you closer to him

you looked into those gorgeous brown eyes of his

his eyes flickered down to your lips and before you knew it

the softest pair of lips were on yours

and you were indulging every second of it

wrapping your arms around his neck

his hands around your waist pulling you even closer to him

you felt fireworks going off in your whole body

but you actually realised there were real fireworks going off which was the signal that it was midnight

you two parted and beamed at each other

“do you believe me now?” he asked with a bit of a smirk

“i do” you say with the biggest smile your arms still around his neck

you realised you just shared a new year’s kiss with minhyun

he came to the same conclusion as you

“happy new year’s minhyun” you said sweetly

“happy new year y/n” he whispered in your ear while hugging you making you melt into a puddle of goo

you both cuddled each other while watching the fireworks

both with the thought that this was the best start of new year either of you had

and both of you hoped to have the same start, the year after the next and for every single new year on

AHH THE FIRST INSTALMENT IS FINALLY HERE!! i want to thank everyone for voting again. i hope this was a good start to the series and i also hope this lived up to people’s expectation of the new series please please let me know if it did. i put a lot of thought and effort into it and i really hope you all liked it. i know it was really long but i hope it was worth your time! thank you for reading and please give me your opinions!!

also huge thanks to iris @alliwannado-w1 my absolute angel who helped me with this mess and its still a mess lol. and helped me make this into a better scenario, eep i hope. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IRIS. if you haven’t ever read her scenarios go to her blog like RIGHT NOW she’s the best writer i know and her scenarios are amazing!!!

click here for more information about the heirs

heirs series: hwang minhyun | kang daniel | park woojin | yoon jisung | ong seongwoo | park jihoon

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff: THE TROOF ABOUT STARLIGHT GLIMMER

WARNING: Make sure to put a titch of salt in your hot cocoa. Boosts the flavor a bit. All original imagery belong to their respective owners and I swear to not claim them as my own with this post, which was all made by happenstance and fun. Thank you, take care out there, and enjoy.

A 3rd rate song in Hasbro’s otherwise swinging OST

To be frank, my thoughts on the character Starlight Glimmer are surely something. On the one hand, I find myself connecting with the tragedy that is essentially her trying to make it through her new life, and the other involves curb stomping her face in. I mean, they are sincerely pushing this character to provide some sort of value to the world, but I can’t really say what yet. Yeah, she’s the kind to make mountains out of molehills, but that’s like 85% of the show in general. Yeah, they forgave her faster than most would, but besides killing two characters the show can be incredibly angelic. All in all, I see where the detesting attitude towards her comes from, but something in me still couldn’t see the clear case behind her poor character. Yet, I think I understand now, and I’m surprised most never really touch this thought. Roll with me here...

She’s the total opposite of Discord. The Nega-Discord, if you will.

I see many compare her to Sunset Shimmer, and I definitely see where they’re coming from, but when you start stacking her to Discord, the troof speaks for itself as Discord has everything Starlight wished she had. As villains, Discord relished in chaos (hence the name) whilst Starlight wanted control. Both were content with the results they wanted and made the most of it until a single moment of convenience brings everybody together to defeat them in spades. Compare this to Sunset Shimmer, whose plans as a villain in the 1st movie were generally aimless and the motive behind it didn’t amount to much beyond an elongated grudge against her former mentor. Her motive were better than Starlight, sure, but besides trying to prove Celestia wrong nothing about her villainous stance really evolved before it was killed off entirely.

Though that grudge has come full circle. Which, splendid.

Even after getting their ass handed to them, with the promise to elicit a semblance of change, Discord and Starlight continue to let their villainous sides seep into how they affect the story in their respective episodes. Their escalating actions, though, is where the distinction starts to show. It’s after “Keep Calm and Flutter On” where Discord’s chaotic nature doesn’t create the problem but centers around it; the use of his powers may complicate the situation for others, Discord included, but it’s never to directly put them in any rut that they haven’t dug themselves. Discord’s essentially the anti-hero of the show, effortlessly willing to be the bad guy compared to everybody else, only for his actions to provide a lesson for those affected. He’s pill nobody wants to swallow, but in doing so helps those see the benefit.

With a platonic ship I find beneficial, mhm

And with Discord being the anti-hero, comes Starlight being the anti-villain, or somebody with well off intentions only to make matters worse in reality. Let it not be said that with the episodes that actually gives her spotlight, not just to be a plot device supporting character, it’s always her building the problem only for others to resolve it and spell out the lesson to her (or us), all for the intent of having some semblance of control like before (or having literal control in one episode). Unlike Discord’s chaos which plays a part in solving the problem, Starlight’s control is the problem. And while her motives can appear as reasonable or relating in its terribleness, you can’t deny that the ends add up from more evil means than Discord and this doesn’t make us root for her.

Now I see i<3kimpossiblealot’s stance on Discord clearly

But one might ask, “Monkey Network, you fool, that’s barely enough to label Starlight as the Nega-discord.” And you’re right, their actions aren’t the only thing that makes them extracted opposites. Their presence is also the key element; can’t have a character with only tell and no show. But, here’s where things get transparent: the sheer duality comes in progression of their appearances. People have said Starlight is typically stapled to the episode to have somebody to consider a main character, and they’re right. Unlike Discord, who not only stands out effortlessly but makes his presence known immediately, Starlight comes in and out like a neighbor next door. Her personality is generally static, so it doesn’t feel hard replacing her with Spike or any average character. It reminds me of this other show, Mob Psycho 100, where the main character’s entire point is to be one within a mob even when he is a psychically powerful person, hence his nickname “Mob”. However, his overall character arc is not trying to stand out among the crowd with said power, but enjoy being around one with his increasing circle of friends with or without. That’s what Discord’s character arc is all about, an all powerful chaotic god having a touch more humanity in him and having a sense of belonging with his former adversaries and the world in general. Starlight wants to be more than a past villain, she wants to learn about friendship, however vague that is, but in return nothing makes her stand out beyond baggage, strong magic, and kites. Yeah, she makes friends with Maud, Thorax(?), Trixie, and NEET boy, but it doesn’t affect her place in the canon in any way. They’re the ones having their character built more, not Starlight’s. She’s the peasant among well tuned kings.

And let us be real, she hasn’t made any sort of mark no matter how hard she’s tried and actually succeeded

And as a final blow, it gets pretty meta when you see that Discord getting less actual screen time in the 4 seasons he was around makes him a better character than the 2 Starlight got. Hell, even if you switch Discord and Starlight’s histories, the former has much more charm and likability that his fuck ups wouldn’t make you hate him as much as you would Glimmer. So with all the effort put into Starlight for two years, she got the worst improvement: the kind begging for your attention. The kind that says that you could change only to be continuously overshadowed by your more precise equal.

Now you can see why Discord was the push behind Celestial Advice’s existing plot

We basically got not only a character that’s string compared to the likes of Sunset Shimmer but the same character twice with Discord’s primary presence. And with all that said, what can we do with her? Well, nothing really. She’s so deep in this rabbit hole that it’s too soon to just write her out and too late to say she’s deserved to die. That’s the sad thing about her. Her development existed outside everyone else’s, so we’re literally seeing a bubbled vision of how this fool of a villain tries to redeem herself, practically by herself, with the only sense of keeping afloat is the fear of failure and utter isolation. The lacking discipline, the uncoordinated freedom of doing what you want however you so please, culminating in a tragic state of stagnancy and unintentional detriment.

No wonder people tend to relate to her

So consider it a slow, deflating tragedy, where her presence ironically gets cast into a boundary of isolation with every passing episode. Watch her slowly fall deeper into the background of your mind, and with every scream for acknowledgement, you slowly grow blissful to the white noise, walking by every excuse for her existence only to then look back in the end and say, “You know, she could’ve been made worse.” That might not seem clear, but it’s certainly happening.

She’s basically the new Star Wars series: a polarizing, ambiguous, yet overall mishandled present on your doorstep that will be shelved and forgotten in favor of the original product not long after

Truth be told, I can’t hate Starlight anymore; I’ve certainly grown tolerant enough for her to be a supportive background character with a nice voice. It’s like stomping a roach, you can feel disgusted, scared, annoyed, angry, but after all that, after a while, the emotions mellow enough and the motivation for continuing the scrutiny burns out. And with this, if you are able to find Starlight to be compelling character, that is okay; make lemonade out of lemons. But like staining cashmere, we mustn’t say propelling judgement on her is wrong when the writers have clearly tried to say otherwise to no real avail. All in all, she’s a dead end and you can either enjoy the end with her or turn back around and move on. Whether she truly develops or falters later, there’s no harm in enveloping her with your time. Or you could just be a villain and fucking kill her off.

And as I will never get tired of this gif,  I’m Roy Macintosh, and that’s all I got

[scarecrowandmrking]

Scarecrow and Mr. King: Devils and Angels

          "Well, what do you want me to fucking do?"            I gritted my teeth, my knuckles turning white as I held the phone in an iron grip against my face. The back of Glenny's, the strip joint I worked at, was filled with dancers running back and forth in varying degrees of undress. Several made sure to knock against me where I stood using the phone. I hadn't made a lot of friends here. And my slightly protruding stomach made some of the girls think I was on my way out so it was alright to act a fool.            "I want you to act like a fucking man, Johnny," I screeched, making the head of one of the bouncers turn to me with a look of alarm on his face. I ignored him and kept on yelling.            "I told you I'm gonna do this. What's the problem?”            "You're never around. You ain't got no fucking job. That's my problem. Grow the fuck up."            I slammed the phone down. Hard to believe just three months earlier I was Donna Masterson, cafe waitress and aspiring actress. Sure, life sucked, but it was my damn life. Days spent running around from set to set. Campus to cafe. And yeah, Maybe the  guy thing was never ideal. I was never really a stunner like my best friend, Jenny Anderson. But I did ok. Now I was fucking pregnant by one of the biggest douchebags god ever put on this green earth.  And forced to go back to stripping to make ends meet. God, it sucked balls.            My name got called over the loud speaker from the stage. Well, my fake name: Luci. It was a funny homage to the nickname they gave Lucifer on Supernatural. I chose it because my friend Jenny was dating the actor who played him. I'd even worn my devil costume tonight. The cute little get up with short red dress and devil horns and tail.  Jenny had told me Mark had been in something of a slump lately and wanted to cheer him up. I have to admit, thinking about how sexy the man was, I was pretty happy to oblige.            I got my shit together as Dorothys Raise Hell started to play in the club. I let the music wash over me, remembering all the dancing lessons I had taken as a kid. The way you breathe and hold yourself. Let yourself become one with the rhythm of the music. I never let myself think of the men looking at me in the seats beyond the stage. Yeah, I took their money. But they weren't real to me. They couldn't get to me. Get under my skin. Even if they were getting an eyeful of everything else.            I wasn't surprised to find that Jenny and Mark were seated in a tiny alcove in the back of the club. Nobody would have spotted them unless they'd really been looking. And who would? At the moment all eyes were on me. Including Jenny's and Mark's, I noticed. Never thought my pal had a lez bone in her body before, but I could tell as I swayed to the music she was feeling something. You dance long enough, you can tell. Helps you work the right customers with the right wallets. I wasn't up here to go hungry, after all.  Mark was harder to pin down, though. His face was impassive, eyeing me without the faintest hint of interest on his face. It pissed me off so much went over there, making sure to drop my top along the way.            "What's your pleasure, sir?" I cood, reaching out to stroke his shoulders.            "I'm here with her," he says with a grin on his face, nodding towards Jenny, who I saw now was wearing an angel's costume. Pretty, white wings crushed up against the back of her chair.            "And I say all work and no play makes Mark a dull boy," I say just loud enough for my two friends to hear.            I moved my hips back and forth to the fast moving beat, noticing at this close an angle the obvious bulge in Mark's pants. That's all the encouragement I needed. In one swift move I was on his lap, running my hands along his broad chest and shoulders. Hell, he felt good. My wet pussy rubbed against his crotch and I could tell from his sudden jerk away from me that he had felt it through the fabric of his jeans.          "Well, this is getting interesting," he said. Looking over at Jenny, he fixed her with an inquiring look as if to ask if this was her doing.           She got to her feet and offered Mark her hand. He stared at the two of us, looking for all the world like a lamb being led to slaughter. With a sigh of resignation  that didn't seem quite genuine, he got to his feet and allowed himself to be led to one of the dark little rooms at the back of the club. This was the place the real money got made. And rules got broken, depending on who you were and how much money you were willing to spend.           This room had a long black couch running the length of the wall. I had taken the liberty of bringing a chair in earlier. I sat Mark down in it while Jenny went and sat on the couch to watch this new show. the one where I did things with her boyfriend and she imagined fucking us both. I'd done this act before, but never with people who I saw as people. And I have to admit it turned me on like hell.            The song had changed from Raise Hell to Imagine Dragons Thunder. I slowed my movements down a little, letting Mark's gaze roam over my now naked body. I noticed his eyes linger for a split second on my slightly rounded tummy. I refused to let insecurity seep into my performance. Fuck, Mark already knew I was knocked up, why the hell should it matter if he thought I was showing a little? I let the thought drift away, moving once again to straddle his lap.            Grasping his face in my hands, I leaned in to crush my lips against his.  He nearly pushed me to the floor in his attempt to spring to his feet.  Two hands held him down by the shoulders. I looked up to find Jenny standing behind the chair. She had a firm look on her face, one hand reaching up to tangle in Mark's hair. She twisted it. Hard.            "Now, you and I came here to have fun. And you are making me very angry. And you know what I do when I'm angry."            The two stared at each other and I could feel Mark's cock stiffen even more against my wet pussy. I grinded against him instinctively and, for the first time, he pushed back.           "Good boy." Jenny smiled. She reached down to kiss his forehead.           "Now let her suck your cock. But you can't touch her."  Jenny pulled out two long white ties from some damn where on her skimpy angel costume. I giggled for a second, wondering just how much of this she had planned ahead of time. Fuck, she was a kinky bitch.           "Yes, ma'am," Mark whispered, his gaze going from Jenny to me. There was a vulnerability in his clear blue eyes I'd never seen before. This was the private Mark. The one who let his guard down when his hands were tied and his ass was owned. And it was one of the most erotic things I had seen in a long time.            Slowly, I undid each of Mark's buttons, kissing the bare flesh all the way down to the crotch of his jeans.            "Jenny," Mark moaned, his eyes locking with his girlfriend. She had taken a spot behind me. Her hands stroking my full breasts.            "No, Mark."            Jenny grabbed my head and forced it down onto her boyfriend's cock. Under regular circumstances, I wouldn't have liked something like that. But this was my friend, so the pressure on the back of my head didn't really bother me. She set the pace, moving me up and down on his cock. Using my mouth like a sex toy to please him.            "Does that feel good?"            She pushed him into my mouth so deep I gagged. But she wouldn't let me up until Mark had made a moaned yes.            Over and over Jenny did this. Torturing me with gagging and tears unless Mark gave her what she wanted. When she was satisfied, she allowed me to get up.            Mark was a real mess by this point. Hair all messed up. Clothes disheveled. Saliva slick cock hanging out. He eyed Jenny like some sort of goddess. And at that moment I had never wanted anything more in life than to fuck them both.            "Now you're going to fuck that knocked up pussy and fill it full of cum for me," She commanded, pushing me towards her lover.            This woke me up a little. I hadn't agreed to this. Play with Mark, yeah. Suck his dick, whatever. But fuck him and let him cream me?  Only three guys had ever done that. That was a special thing. Not a casual fuck thing for me. Nope. No way.            "Jenny, uh, no."            She just eyed me for a moment, not saying anything. Then she reached out and stroked my pussy with knowing fingers.             "You want his cum inside you. Look how hot for it you are. Its nice and warm when he fills you up. I promise. And he makes the sweetest little face when he cums."           Fuck that bitch. I couldn't say no to that shit.           I got on top of Mark and took his thick cock inside of me in one savage thrust. I was nothing but an animal at that point. Riding his body to get off. He took turns moaning Jenny's name and mine, his face pressed against my shoulder. The tenderness of the gesture just made me feel more savage, increasing my pace and clawing into his back.            Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  I kissed him, plunging my tongue into his mouth. He was an amazing kisser, seeming to know every place I liked to be caressed and bitten. I felt the added sensations of kissing and wild fucking pull me closer to the edge. I bucked my hips hard, wanting to take him over with me.            "You can cum, Mark."            The words had barely left Jenny's lips when I reached. My head flew back and I lost control of myself as I came harder than I had in fucking forever. The sensation was followed by a warm gushing feeling deep in my pussy and I glanced down to see Mark breathing hard under me. He really did have a sexy  look on his face when he filled a woman up. I sat on his cock as he continued to squirt inside of me. It felt so damn good I squirmed a little, making him thrust upward to stay locked inside of me.          When he was done creaming me, I got to my feet.          "You gonna untie me?"          Jenny stared down at Mark, an angry expression suddenly crossing her angelic face. Her hands were suddenly tangled in my hair again. But this time she was guiding me towards her own crotch.          "Fuck you, Mark. Now its your turn to watch."

[fairyiatlotl]

The Vampire That Longs For Mirror

There are three things you should know about me.

Im a vampire (hot scary fanged immortals that live on blood as in blood).

My name is Zhae (Its pronounced as Zshay, so please dont try pronouncing any other way).

And I have a huge butt (well the story is all about this).

Have you ever looked at the sky at night? Bet you would have been awed by the sight of it – bet you would have tried tracing out the zodiac signs – bet you would have tried spotting your zodiac and had felt happy about it – bet you would have had told the special characterstics of it and how it miraculously fit your description –bet you would have done all that and happily felt categorised into something that you feel proud to be born in.

Have you ever looked into the mirror? – Naked? Bet you would have hesitated a moment – bet you would have hated that one extra flab coming out – bet you would have hated how your bones are all that was visible – bet you would have hated the way your boobs dont grow the size they should – bet you would have hated the large butt that swings every damn time you walk – bet you would have hated those eyebrows out of proportion – bet you would have hated the way your underarm hair left a dark patch – bet you would have compared yourself to a thousand other people – bet you would have felt ashamed of yourself and what you have made yourself into – bet you would have asked yourself when is your body going to be happy – bet you would have done all that and still ignored the clitoris that you are supposed to be proud to be born with.

Thats how stupid we are; letting our zodiac signs make us feel happy about us while letting the mirror NOT feel happy about us. And I know this because once upon a time I used to think in this exact same way until one day I woke up seventeen and a vampire. And boy was I happy! Nope this aint Twilight, who am I kidding? – I mean I was kind of hysterically happy but for just a second. The belief that vampires are godly beautiful made me expect miraculous changes until I realised Ive not turned into a Beyonce-bod vampire but am forever trapped into a Beyonce-bod that weighs 80 kgs. So Congratulations to me! Am no more a mortal endomorph! Hurray! The vampire beauty curse epically punctured my gorgeous body dream! – I became a fat-ass immortal. Period.

Coming from a society where fit figure is an aspect of befitting element, do you realise how much stress would you go through once you realised that you are gonna be trapped for the rest of your immortal life in the body that you fed for seventeen heavenly years of your life – its like having permanent thyroid problem – its like being trapped in those epic novels that you love. Yea so I got trapped in my True Blood. I got trapped in my jeans. I got trapped in my body. And it sucked.

The next few days after my transition the thought of being forever fat did not even cross my mind. The funny thing was, I was reminded by the ignorants of this society that I could never ever wear a twenty six waist jeans. It was Aunt Shinzah; shes a dreamy doll aunt – everyone loves her; shes too pretty and too sweet, unfortunately she is too determined to make each and everyone happy. We were in the living room and she and her husband; Uncle Drad came for tea. I sat with the family to entertain them and while we were in a full swing of laughter and fun she said; Oh Baby! You look like you lost some pretty weight. Oh darling! You wait – youll lose weight as soon as you enter college; youll be as pretty as a sunshine; she passed me a smile. I felt so happy that she thought I lost some weight (should have known it was because I had starved for a week). My glass of delusion was cracked by Rob (the guy who apparently turned me into a vampire because he was too high to remember) who I met the very next day. He got scared at how pathetic I looked; I happily smiled and said that I was losing. He smirked at my foolish conclusions; No – youre hungry. Youre not losing weight. Gawd youre a vampire – you are never losing weight. Your body is frozen; I remember that day well and clear, I remember how the taste of my throat changed from sweet to vomit-like. I remember the guilt face of Rob as how he noticed my hurt. That day I killed my first human: He was a forty five year old drunkard that had abandoned his wife and children while he ogled every piece of an ass that walked by the 56th Bay street (and yes I am trying to justify my kill with this one sentence). He was eating Lays with booze; my hunger hormones couldnt resist. That day I felt pathetic at my existence. I actually wished for death – just walking and sitting made me feel ashamed of myself. But I couldnt ignore the fact that my body felt strong and healthy and ALIVE! That day I got the taste of human blood. It was irresistibly Lays-like!

The feeling of being the object of fun is one dark feeling induced by shallow mindedness. That day nothing was wrong; all was normal, I was infact happy and feeling healthy until my math period. The teacher had some grudge against me; reason to which was anonymous to me. He asked for our assignments, he started scolding each and every student in line; my heart was already in my throat I knew that he was going to scold me for no reason. He was a bully, what do you expect of him! He atlast came across me. He looked at me from under his bushy eyebrows, he radiated disgusted criticism and mean looks and then he came on at me (and am the vampire here!) he started yelling at me – he told me how pathetic my work is, that he would better thrash me on the floor ten times than better ever check my assignment ever again (by the way that assignment was an obsolete method of wasting mind, time and energy). This was not it. The next day when I entered class, he was filling some health forms. He came across my name and started laughing; Zhea huh! Even shes gonna write her weight here atlast; he laughed in his evilish snort and some of the front benchers joined him. What are you Zhea? An eighty or a hundred? soon the whole class joined in his act of evilness.

The next day he died in a sudden accident he met on the mid-way road that leaves the city (I wish this guy drowns in the pits of hell – I wish the Satan takes his personal interest in him and gut him with his pitch fork until he drowns in the lavas of the hell!). Dont judge me, he was the one at fault. I thought his death would stop my body shaming and public bullying. I was wrong. Everyone had started looking at me/my ass as an object of laughter by that time. Why wouldnt they? Well when the elders of the society take pleasure in this why shouldnt they? After all its the elders and teachers we look up to. It all came to an end. Even my distant hearing capability became a nuisance to me. I could hear boys talk about butts, I could hear girls talk about the methods to avoid a butt like mine. I could hear girls search over net the category to which my butt belonged to. I apparently fit into the peach figure among several other types: hour glass, straight line, inverse peach blah blah blah! It was there all over internet; the figure categorization of a womens body that is indirectly set for pleasing the patriarchs of our society. So much for gender equality!

The most pathetic part was, I was letting myself being treated that way; I being the vampire did not retaliate or infact confront anyone coming over to me and making fun of my so called healthiness (bullies gave me nicknames like fatty or dinosaur while friends gave me the consolatory adjectives like healthy; ironic right?). But believe me this was nothing to the final act that actually made me hate myself – the funny thing was it was an inanimate object that told me that I absolutely wasnt meant to fit in this society. It was just one chair – a students chair which had a side swing table hinged to it; I sat on it – I didnt fit. So I tried and when I fit I realised I was stuck; by the end of the class I struggled but then when the bell rung I awkwardly tried getting off the chair and then I heard; Look look Hahaha Hehehe God Am so happy to be me today; all the snickering, sniggering, simpering and whispering of all forty five fellow mates got me. It got me and thats when it happened – I lost it.

Seventeen years of my life I had been hearing people wait for me to get slim and pretty, seventeen years of my life Ive heard my father call me with funny names, seventeen years of my life Ive heard my sister flaunt me her figure and give me goals to reach, seventeen years of my life Ive been hit with comments and been joked about, seventeen years Ive been asked to dress myself in a way that nobody could see the fat-flesh of mine, seventeen years Ive cried about the fact I bloat even when my diet is exactly the same amount like any other persons, seventeen years Ive actually never looked into the mirror with pride and glory or in a way that I feel happy about myself or my body, seventeen years Ive felt ashamed of my ass and me, seventeen years were given to me to change myself. SEVENTEEN FUCKING YEARS IVE BEEN GIVEN THE CHANCE TO BE SOMEONE THAT THIS SOCIETY WANTED ME TO BE! Still it took the curse of eternity to make me realise to love me. How foolish we humans are, right?

The following days were followed by insidious depression. Vampire depressions are worse than human depressions they are like black holes that temporarily feel likely to be filled by the lust of human blood, but as soon as you hunt one down another appears for more – its actually a black hole in me that build: consuming every inch of me per person I killed. The depression was a slow perpetual intricate build up. It first started with the reckless killing of animals, then isolated hobos and then it lashed out as the most horrifying thing you could ever imagine. I started cutting myself. How? Well it started when I slit off my extra flesh in the shower. It hurt me like hell but it was the best way to release my anger and anxiety – the best way to punish myself for having flabs. Once I had cut myself, I would heal but I always ended up being hungrier and so I had to go hunting again. Soon it became my daily cycle. Nobody knew it, nobody noticed it. And why would they? Everyone was too busy feigning happiness and I was too busy killing mine.

Breaking away from my beloved cycle wasnt a choice. Rob found me one day all bloody and weak. This time it went far; I could have actually have actually died (could you believe that!) but luckily Rob smelled leakage of blood and he came running to my bedroom. He was horrified by the sight. He found me in my tub; I wasnt dead, just numb; all my blood was in the tub. Soon I lost conscience; when I opened my eyes again I found myself on the bed. I wasnt feeling hungry like the other times I felt. I was feeling physically normal. The sun was shining and it all came back – the frustration, depression, anger, hurt, hate. I again felt pathetic about myself. While my mind wandered in the dark miasma that I had created inside my head, my eyes wandered around the room; I saw a flower pot by the open window. That was different since I didnt keep a flowerpot by my window. It must have been mom, I thought.

Hey dumbhead; a voice came from the door; Mazie was standing there. Mazie is my Nana – we dont call her Nana for some specific reason that even we are oblivious to. Mazie? What are you doing here? I looked at her; I felt the warmth that she radiated.

Dont ask me silly questions! You were out for a whole godamn week and you ask me why am here? You gotta be kiddin me! Now get up and get ready we are going for shopping Mazie is one stubborn Nana – she has got my genes of holding onto things and being stubborn about them. What shopping? I asked with absolute confusion.

Well bikini shopping – we are going to the beach tomorrow; she gave me her Cheshire cat smile as she crossed the room and checked the flowers. It was she who got them.

Bikini shopping? I must confess she is the only living person that is scarier than a vampire after a hunger strike; I dont do bikini shopping; I answered with a wavering voice. Mazie looked at me with sceptic eyes and sighed heavily; Well! Its about time that you start doing it; she raised her eyebrow. I felt my cheeks flush. Bikini shopping? How could I do that? I hated my body. I hated myself. I felt pathetic and embarrassed about it. My eyes widened and I could feel tears brimming my eyes; I cant do that; I heard my voice mumble.

Yes you can! You in fact will; Mazie raised her head and I could see her poker face; Zhae – its just a bikini; she took the flower pot and moved towards me; Dont let a piece of cloth weigh you down; she kept the flowerpot next to me and patted my cheeks. They knew.

That day we went for bikini shopping and spa. I had no idea what was happening or what was going to happen tomorrow. The bikini was good but I again felt embarrassed about my weight. The spa on the other hand made me feel heaven like; I could feel my body relax. The next day I wore a long baggy shirt over my bikini. Mazie didnt say anything just gave me a look. I looked around and saw people playing and having fun in their shorts and bikinis; they looked gorgeous. But then I noticed something; I noticed a man with a big belly playing with his seven year old daughter, I noticed an old women rub sunscreen on herself, I noticed a women of twenties with a bulging belly run down the beach with her sister who apparently had the biggest breasts Ive ever seen, I noticed a boy with absolutely no flesh on him sit on the life guard post, I noticed chubby boys eat popsicles, I noticed a child rolling down the sand mount, I saw people getting wet as the waves hit the shore, I saw life happening around me and I felt so aloof and sad. I again felt angry but this time I wasnt angry at the society for not treating me well – I felt angry at myself for waiting for the society to treat me well. I immediately got up and walked away to the shops nearby. I entered a shady lane and cried my eyes out. I felt so agitated and irritated and so annoyed that I wanted to just end everything. I hated being a vampire, I hated being cursed with this body; I wanted to stop my misery. I wanted to know how was everyone on the beach confident enough to stand straight and play and enjoy; I wanted to know the secret because I also wanted to wear bikini freely; I also wanted to be a part of this happiness that everyone seem to radiate. I had to see how bad I looked – I needed to analyse and accept how I looked and moreover I wanted to see why it mattered to me to look Barbie perfect for wearing a bikini on a beach. I needed to know.

After a while I got up and roamed around the lanes, and there I saw something that induced a spectacular idea in my head. I entered a sketch shop. I took off my top and paid for a bikini portrait of mine. I still remember that one hour of portrait making – that one hour of exposing myself to me. It gave me the acceptance I needed. That one hour was totally worth it. When I came out with my sketch I smiled. I saw a piece of a bikini body that was made by an artist. I saw a piece of an art, I saw myself reflected in that small piece of paper and it made me feel so true and so important for some reason. The very sketch made each and every cell in my body release endorphins. I fell in love with my portrait. It was a fine feeling, tears brimmed my eyes and I hugged it. It felt good to make yourself feel mattered. Thats what I had to learn to finally accept myself. I analysed as I went down to the beach that I did not look bad at all, I looked okay, absolutely fabulous! In fact I looked really beautiful and confident. I seemed normal. I seemed human.

That day was my first day to ever walk on beach with only bikini on. Mazie was proud. And I prouder. I atlast had found my mirror.

[xbooksandtea]

92 Question Tag

Tagged by @thespiritualmultinerd​ - thank you! :)

 THE LAST: 1. Drink: Water (boring, I know) 2. Phone call: I talked to my aunt about a job I'm applying for 3. Text message: "as far as faces can be considered hot", answering the question whether I thought a picture of Harley Quinn from the PS4 game was hot 4. Song you listened to: Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas - the Comic Con Version 5. Time you cried: I cry pretty often, but last time was probably while reading Magnus Chase Hammer of Thor. That's my new favourite book. Words cannot describe how much I love it.

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Yes, very big mistake if this is referring to dating the same person twice 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Hmm... it depends on my mood actually whether I regret it or would do it again. Currently, I'm regretting it, but that could change within a few hours so it's not that big of a deal 8. Been cheated on: Several times 9. Lost someone special: My grandpa died last year. I also lost some close friends, they aren't dead but they kinda cut me off. 10. Been depressed: I am diagnosed with depression, so yeah 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I only throw up after eating paprika. Funny is, I once ate paprika then drank and threw up. So basically yes, but I never threw up from drinking only alkohol.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Black 13. Purple 14. Orange

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: I guess :) I'm also back in touch with a few old friends, which feels pretty amazing! 16. Fallen out of love: No 17. Laughed until you cried: Yes! :) 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah but she always does that so *shrugs* I don't care anymore. 19. Met someone who changed you: I cut someone off who changed me in a negative way, does that count, too? 20. Found out who your friends are: No but they confirmed it (sorry for having to steal your answer here @thespiritualmultinerd) 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yes

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I have like 5 and I know every one of them 23. Do you have any pets: I had three guinea pigs once. Loved them. They passed away some time ago though. 24. Do you want to change your name: I never really thought about that, so no I guess?  25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Had a party with a few friends. I now have pink handcuffs and Draco's wand 26. What time did you wake up: around 9:50 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Reading the Percy Jackson / Kane Chronicles Crossover 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Sophie and I going to London!! Also the next Magnus Chase book 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Yesterday evening before I went upstairs 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Get rid of my depression and/or make myself more motivated to do stuff somehow 31. What are you listening to right now: Nothing because Youtube won't load... *cries* 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Surprisingly, no 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: An old classmate of mine I keep seeing when I go to the city 34. Most visited Website: tumblr

LAST QUESTIONS

35. Mole/s: I have many, but one is directly underneath my navel and kinda looks like a piercing

36. Mark/s: A burn scar on my left thumb where I was almost-fainting while straightening a cosplay with a hot iron, some up my tighs

37. Childhood dream: I always wanted to be an author, a dream that stayed with me until today

38. Haircolor: brownish black because I'm too lazy to re-dye it - my natural colour is a weird shade of brown

39. Long or short hair: short

40. Do you have a crush on someone: ALEX FIERRO FROM MAGNUS CHASE

41. What do you like about yourself: That I've grown to accept my appearance and became more positive about myself during the last few months

42. Piercings: One in each earlobe

43. Bloodtype: I don’t know

44. Nickname: Some people online call me Nico but most people just go by my real name

45. Relationship status: CRUSHING ON ALEX FIERRO but single.

46. Zodiac: Cancer

47. Pronouns: Hmmm... I'm okay with any pronouns, but I prefer she or he. I don't really care, just use what you feel most comfortable with

48. Favorite TV Show: Supernatural probably, but Merlin was amazing as well

49. Tattoos: I kinda want a small quote or something on my wrist or ankle

50. Right or left hand: Right

51. Surgery: Had one for hernia when I was younger, but I will have another one on Wednesday - for getting a tooth that doesn't seem to want to come out of the flesh into the right place. I'll be fully conscious while they cut my fucking jaw open. I'm scared for my life.

52. Hair dyed in different color: Black ^^

53. Sport: Riding but I generally don't like sports (I'm a couch potato)

55. Vacation (this year): London in a few weeks - I haven't been on vacation for years and I am pretty excited!

56. Pair of trainers: black fake Chucks

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Pancakes and chocolate 58. Drinking: water, lemon soda, grapefruit-flavoured beer, vodka 59. I’m about to: Start writing a thing for a contest that is due this week... oops 61. Waiting for: Magnus Chase Ship of the Dead 62. Want: For Magnus Chase and Alex Fierro to hook the fuck up 63. Get married: Maybe... 64. Career: Author, hopefully

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Both! Can I have both please? 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes :) 67. Shorter or taller: Shorter 68. Older or younger: Younger 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms 71. Sensitive or loud: Depends on the situation and my mood! :) 72. Hook up or relationship: Hmm, that depends on my mood as well 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant because I like to stay out of trouble

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: No but wanted to, especially when I'm drunk 75. Drank hard liquor: Yup yup 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I only use contact lenses for cosplay and I don't have glasses, so no 77. Turned someone down: No because nobody is ever into me 78. Sex in the first date: Nope, only made out (we've known each other for a few years though so that's fine) 79. Broken someone’s heart: I don't think so...? 80. Had your heart broken: Yeah 81. Been arrested: Nope 82. Cried when someone died: I cry everytime someone close to me dies 83. Fallen for a friend: Questioning

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Sometimes 85. Miracles: Tough one... I sometimes hope for miracles, but I don't think I really believe in them 86. Love at first sight: I believe in attraction at first sight or bond at first meeting, but love is something that needs to grow over time for me 87. Santa Claus: ... *cries* 88. Kiss on the first date: Sure why not 89. Angels: No, but I wouldn't mind if the Supernatural angels existed

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: "Current" sounds so harsh... Sophie, she's been by my side for many years and I hope she stays there for many more 91. Eyecolor: Brown, sometimes green depending on the light, sometimes honey-coloured. I like them. 92. Favorite movie: HARRY POTTER

tagging: @many-fandoms-many-tears, @jdragon122, @kreativ-phase, @meetmeatgrimmauldplace, @magicalmischel, @sammy-spirit-winchester