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probably-writing-x · 5 years ago

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Out of love (Part 2)

(I’ve had to change certain aspects of the actual series to suit but... we move)

Not my Gif

Part 3 coming soon (If anybody actually wants a part three)

Summary - Guzmán has faced a lot over the past year, and you’d always been by his side through it all. It was a given. But there’s only so far that will stretch when he doesn’t reciprocate. How far will you go before you drain yourself of energy and give up on the one boy you’ve ever truly loved?

“(Y/n)?” The teacher calls out registration as every morning goes but it instantly switches from normality when your name isn’t met with a response.

If your name hadn’t already made Guzman’s heart sink, your absence certainly did. You never missed school, especially on important days like this. It was the open day for universities and he knew you’d always had high aspirations for your future. You wouldn’t want to miss the chance to network at something like that.

“She’s not here?” Guzmán mumbles to Ander, hoping for any sort of explanation from your brother.

“Of course not,” Ander rolls his eyes, turning away from Guzmán and facing the front of class.

Guzmán couldn’t even be mad at him for siding with you. He would do the same. He did do the same. He knew he was in the wrong. But his greatest fear was that he wouldn’t be given the chance to fix it. Tears pool in his eyes and he fights a losing battle to stop them from spilling.

- - - - - -

“You still haven’t spoken to him?” Omar frowns, leaning back against the kitchen counter as you sit on the countertop across from him.

“I don’t know what I’d say,” You brush your finger around the circle of the top of your coffee mug.

“Hasn’t he tried to call?” Omar persists, flinching when the toaster pings to say it is complete.

You scoff, “I turned my phone off.”

“(Y/n)!” Omar laughs, “You’re really done with him?”

The statement alone makes so much emotion build in your heart that you’re sure it’s above anything you can handle. The thought of being done with the boy you loved. How could that be? So soon? So abrupt? It didn’t feel right. But, if he didn’t feel the same about you, how could you ever not be done with him?

“Looks like we’re both having a shit time with relationships then,” Omar comments as he hands your breakfast over, “But, unlike me, you still have your education - so get ready for school and show those universities why they should have you.”

He’s right. Ending things with Guzmán, if that’s really what happened, should never be a reason for you to jeopardise your future. So, with a heavy heart and a swirling mind, you choose to take Omar’s suggestion.

- - - - - -

School doesn’t feel the same when you’re not walking through the corridors with Guzmán. When he’s not waiting for you by your locker or his gym bag isn’t crammed into yours because there was no room left in his locker. It feels physically and emotionally empty.

“Hey beautiful!” It’s Valerio that comes up and throws an arm around your shoulder, “No boyfriend today?”

“Go away, Valerio,” You roll your eyes, trying to pull his arm away.

Instead, he doesn’t budge, “Did you finally pluck up the courage to end things?”

You’re silent.

“Probably for the best, huh?” He scoffs, “You’ve deserved better than him for a long time.”

With that, you push him away with enough force that you even surprise yourself. You glare at him with a burning stare, “It’s none of your fucking business!”

He smirks and it makes you want to rip the look right off his face. There’s a crowd of people scattered around the corridor - eyes now on the sweetheart of the school in her evident demise.

“Can you just leave me alone?” When he doesn’t respond, you let out a sharper tone, “Please!”

“Hey, hey, hey...” Valerio begins but it doesn’t take long for him to be quickly cut off.

“She told you to go.”

The cold, harsh tone is only distinctive to Guzmán- there was nobody else that would say it like that. And, just as you’d guessed, he’s there. He steps in between the two of you and holds a hand towards Valerio’s chest until the boy finally gives up. Guzmán turns to you.

“You didn’t need to do that,” You say it quietly because it seems like both of you are broken enough already.

“I know, I just figured if I-“

“Thank you,” You smile lightly, “I should go.”

That was worse than if you’d have yelled in his face and told him to leave you alone just as you had done with Valerio. Instead, you’d just given him ten more reasons to love you even more. Ten more reasons that he seemed incapable of showing properly. His heart sinks as you’re walking away but it doesn’t look like you. Your shoulders have fallen and your steps seem like theyre taking all of your energy from you. No, he’d been the one to take that. Now you were just using up what was left.

You find yourself strolling around the different stalls set up around school, with no real focus on any of them in particular.

“(Y/n)!” It’s Lu that calls you over and you glance up.

She’d always wanted to be with Guzmán, since before the two of you were together and generally for a lot of the time that you were. It’s not that the two of you hated one another but how could you not carry a slight loathing towards her?

“So it seems like things with you and Guzmán aren’t great?” She pouts, treating this like another one of the times where the two of you were fed up of one another. It happened occasionally. Usually because he forgot to come over the night before, or you’d cancelled plans you’d made. It always lasted a day and then brushed away after the two of you couldn’t keep at it any longer.

“Yeah, I guess not,” You comment, your voice quieter and weaker than you’d hoped it would be.

“Hey, you okay?” That’s the thing about Lu - beyond that exterior, she had a heart of gold.

“Sorry, yeah,” You shake your head, “Just, um, a lot going on I guess.”

“Oh come on, its you and Guzmán,” She scoffs, “Somehow, and I don’t know how, that boy is obsessed with you.”

You find yourself looking over to where he stood, leaning against a wall away from everyone else. Obsession. Was that what it was? Did that ever really mean the same as love? Before you can say anything more, Lu is hurrying off to speak to Nadia - likely sending some smart remarks her way in response to their competition for the Columbia scholarship. A big part of you was trying to convince yourself that you should be doing the same, networking with different universities to grab at their best opportunities. But a small part of you didn’t really feel ready to leave Las Encinas, not like this. When you glance up to see Guzmán again, he’s already gone.

- - - - - -

“Hey, I’m not late am I?” You drop your bag as you finally find your Mum Ander and Omar in the hospital.

“No, we should be next,” Ander nods, evidently weaker in his form now as he sits in the same seat as he had done before every appointment.

“Okay,” You let out a breath, hugging your Mum before sitting on the other side of Omar, “You okay?”

Omar looks at you and forces a smile, “No.”

You smile back gently, “Yeah, that makes four of us.”

When you’re called in for the appointment, part of you feels so strongly sure that it would all be okay. That Ander would have already found the light at the end of this falling tunnel. He’d have a way of getting out of all of this and it could be thought of as history.

When the doctor says otherwise, it’s like your whole fake world comes crashing down around you.

“I’m sorry Ander,” The doctor sighs, “But please, rest assured that we will do everything we can to get you through this. And I have strong faith that you have the strength to do so.”

You can tell Anders not listening to a word of it anymore, and none of you are picking up on much. It makes you feel weak to the middle of your bones, like you’re wishing with every ounce of you that you could take his place. It should be me. It should be me. It should be-

“(Y/n)?” It’s Omar that breaks you from your thoughts and, somehow, all of you are out of that room now. You’d not even noticed that you’d moved.

The two of you look at each other and your gazes say enough words that no sound could muster as his arms wrap around you and you do the same for him. Like both of you are holding each other up. You stay like that until Ander joins you, and the three of you aren’t really sure who’s comforting whom anymore.

- - - - - -

It’s the next day when you hear Guzman’s voice downstairs. You hear him talk to Ander about everything and tell him he’ll always be there for him. In the end, you tune out of their conversation and put your earphones in - he’d be gone soon. But an undeniable lump forms in your throat when you hear him coming upstairs.

A text pings through from Ander on your phone - I tried to stop him :/ Sorry

Guzmán knocks softly on your open door and you have to fight with every morsel of you that’s telling you to not look up. He’s still in his school uniform and he has his bag still slung over his shoulder, gym bag held in the other hand.

“Hi,” He begins, waiting as you take out your earphones and sit up straight in bed.

“Hey,” You respond, pushing your laptop from your lap and folding down the screen slightly.

“I won’t stay if you don’t want me to. I just figured I’d come and see if you were okay.” He explains, looking more awkward than ever in a place he’d treated as a second home.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” You nod, running a hand through your messy hair, “Um, did I miss much at school?”

A smile dances on his lips, “Classic,” He chuckles, pulling down his bag and grabbing out some stuff, “I got all of the work you need, and you can copy my notes.”

“Thank you,” You force a smile, taking the books from him and brushing your thumb over the cover where you’d written his name.

He drops his bags down by the door and makes his way over, “Miss mentioned that you hadn’t got your name down for any universities, they could’ve just missed you but-“

“I didn’t write down for any.”

Guzmán frowns and takes a seat on the side of the bed, turning to face you, “What? Why? What happened to Oxford?”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “Things have changed since then.”

It’s like the realisation hits him ten seconds too late, “You were always going to go to Oxford with Marina.”

You cross your legs and look down at their fold to avoid his stare, “I know it seems silly, she’d hate me for even considering not going. But I’m not sure I see myself at any university anymore.”

“Seriously?” He chokes a little - was it because of him?

“I don’t know, I can’t even think about leaving with everything that’s going on,” You shake your head.

“Hey,” Guzmán shifts and his hand falls onto your leg as he squeezes gently, “I’m so sorry about Ander, but the doctor has said they-“

“I know what the doctor said, Guzmán,” It’s too harsh and you wish you could retract it instantly, “But they weren’t right when they said it would work originally.”

“They’re doing all they can,” He encourages, not phased by your irritation, “Ander doesn’t give up easily.”

“That was when he was chasing after Omar, not something like this,” Your bottom lip quivers but you still don’t release any tears. Part of you wishes that you would if it would stop all of the pressure that builds up.

“Here,” He sighs, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into his chest. The positioning is awkward and everything feels so oddly uncomfortable but you find yourself melting into him like he’s there for all the right reasons. No. You couldn’t cave this quickly.

“You should go Guz,” You sniff, pulling away, “I’ll bring back your notes tomorrow.”

“(Y/n)...” The crease between his brows shows him trying to find all of the right words to say. Instead, he says none.

He picks up his bags and heads back out like he’d never been there.

- - - - - -

It takes a whole other 10 days of the same with you and Guzmán. You’d see him at appointments with Ander but never for too long and never with much conversation. You’d see him at school but always avoid him when you could. He’d bump into you in the corridor, give a light smile and continue about his day. And every piece of every day consisted of the two of you proving that you could live without each other. Or maybe just that you could live without him. Maybe he was handling it just fine. You still saw him with Samu, or saw him yelling about Polo, he still laughed with Ander or dismissed Lu’s advances - in every way, it felt like he was normal but just without you. And maybe that oddly confirmed everything you’d been feeling before. You’d truly managed to make this boy fall out of love with you.

“(Y/n), you look great but if you take any longer, you’ll be going alone,” Omar groans from the doorway as you’re still getting ready, “What else is there for you to do?”

“Find a way of avoiding Guzmán, perhaps,” You sigh, slipping on your shoes and adjusting to the new height, “Maybe I shouldn’t go.”

“Seriously?” Omar rolls his eyes, “We’re not doing this again. It’s a party, I wouldn’t even be surprised if Guzmán doesn’t show.”

As per usual, the party was at the club and you knew Guzmán well enough to know he wouldn’t resist going to something like that. No matter how much he tried.

“Okay, how do I look?”

“Oh my god I’m not saying it again, let’s go! I’m going to be late for my shift!” Omar drags your hand, pulling you out of the room so you couldn’t stress yourself anymore.

There was no reason for any of this partying tonight, no specific reason for you to all get together. Other than the fact that you all just wanted a night to escape.

And that’s exactly what you would do.

The club is already bustling as you say goodbye to Omar and head towards where the rest of the crowd were.Lu greets you quickly before hurrying off and Cayetana gives you a wave as you pass her. It felt like everybody was acting tonight. But when weren’t they at Las Encinas?

“(Y/n)!” Carla calls when she sees you, “How are you? How’s Ander?”

“He’s okay, treatment is underway again so we’ll see what the results are,” You nod, not replying to the first question.

“I’m sorry to hear about you and Guzmán. I always thought you two were meant to be,” She shrugs a little, “But you’ve deserved better than him for a long time.”

It shouldn’t annoy you in the way that it does. You’d ended things with him for that exact reason - he wasn’t good to you. But hearing someone else say it? It was like she’d offended you more than you’d like to admit. Because that wasn’t the case, right? You’d never deserved more than Guzmán. He’d been kind, caring, honest, funny, loyal, protective... all good traits packaged into one boy. Sure, that had changed towards the end of your relationship. But that was because circumstances changed. Everything in both of your worlds was pulling you in a hundred different directions and it meant that you fell out of touch.

“(Y/n)?” Carla waves a hand in front of you, “We should get you a drink!”

You agree to her encouragement and head to the bar with her, eyes trailing over everyone in hopes that you’d see the one boy that stood above the crowd.

And, just as you knew, he was there. You avoid his gaze and keep your eyes focused on Carla ahead of you. If you looked at him, you’d be too weak to look away.

Guzman’s eyes are fixated on you and only you. He watches every move like he’s trying to find out where in the world he went wrong. He had it all and his own arrogance and ignorance made him lose exactly that. It pains him, makes him feel sick to his stomach as he considers the thought of truly living without you. Up until now, he’d just been passing by in the weird grey zone where he knew you were still somewhat there. And he still hadn’t answered your question. When did he fall out of love with you? Fall out of love with everything? Did he ever?

He stays trailing his eyes on you for as long as he can from where he’s stood until it takes all of his strength to look away. His heart breaks just a little more.

- - - - - -

It’s only later into the night, maybe once the alcohol runs through you, that you decide to walk over. There was something that needed to be said.

“Guzmán,” You say it from behind him and half expect the music to drown you out.

But he turns around practically with fear in his eyes, “(Y/n).”

“I just wanted to say...” You stop yourself, taking in every bit of the appearance you adored, “Thank you for the other day at mine. You’ve been a good friend to Ander, and to me.”

“A friend?” He raises his brows, “Anders like my brother. And you know I’d never call you a friend.”

You take a deep breath, “I know that. I just wanted to say-“

“I get it,” His hand reaches up and rubs your arm gently, “It’s fine, I’m always here.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “I’m going to go.”

You pull yourself together and go to turn away from him. You’d managed for two whole weeks to not kiss those lips, not plead with him to love you again, not break down and tell him you’d do everything to have him back - tonight wouldn’t be the night that it changes.

“(Y/n),” He stops you, standing close behind you as he speaks.

You don’t turn around. The sound of that word falling from his lips is enough to melt any barrier you’d built up hastily.

“I never stopped loving you. Not one part of me, my heart, my soul, ever stopped belonging to you. I just strayed too far from home and made it seem that way. And I know I went wrong,” He confesses it all but it feels so raw, “And you have every right to hate me for the way I treated you.”

You take in a shaky breath and your head starts to pound. This boy was about to make you cry.

“I never fell out of love with you,” He reiterates, “But I will spend every day from now until forever trying to prove to you why you shouldn’t fall out of love with me.”

Your shoulders drop and you feel like you could fall to the ground there and then. And tell him that was practically impossible. But you knew you couldn’t do that - to yourself or to him. He’d hurt you. And you needed to be one hundred percent sure that things would change before you went running back into those open arms.

Deep breath, shoulders back, let that one single tear fall - and walk away.

——————

Tags: @bi-mama @fanficparker

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peeksoon · 4 years ago

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tagged by @jbums ty thirst squad fam

hardcover or paperback - paperbacks cause they’re easier to carry around but for aesthetic purposes - hardback

rent or buy - buy ig, i like having physical copies to reread

reads in silence or reads with music: i am physically incapable of listening to music and reading at the same time

standalone or series - both???? i love a good series but i also love a standalone book that shakes me to the core

annotations or pristine pages - i dont really make notes in books

ebook or physical copy - physical copy, especially with comics and graphic novels

dog ears or bookmarks: I do both depending on the book

mismatched series or complete set: i got a mixture of both slkjggkg

Cover matters or you don’t judge: cover does matter, but most of the time i go by recommendation so the cover doesnt really matter as much then

lend books or keep them to yourself - i will lend my books, but not my comics

enjoys lit classes or despises them - theyre kinda hit or miss for me tbh

browses shops or orders online - love going to book shops and finding really cool art books or interesting graphic novels

reads reviews or goes in blind - i never read reviews, i just see if i vibe with the synopsis and dive in

unreturned books or clean library record- rip i had so many library fines in school dkegjgrk, my mom was a librarian when i was younger so i never had to pay fines

rereads or once was enough - theres a couple of books ive reread, and i reread all my graphic novels every so often

fanfic enthusiast or a stickler for canon - GIVE ME ALL THE FANFIC PLS

deep reader or easily distracted - i get really distracted at the beginning but once im into it im in DEEP

must read the book before seeing the movie or order doesn’t matter- idk depends on the book/movie

has neat bookshelves or messy bookshelves - both, although i dont have any bookshelves, i just have art books on my windowsill and all my books and comics in my wardrobe lmao

skips ahead or resists temptation- resists temptation lmao, i aint spoiling myself

reads aloud or in your head - in my head but i always think itd be funny to just randomly start reading aloud on the bus sqlkwejgdh

guesses plot twists or never sees them coming- i always theorising what the plot twists are gonna be and like 60% of the time im right

ill tag @choi-hae @thefriendyouhate @beomgyutie @neotae @wabisaba @shellygurumi @reservethesun @profoundnonsense

#tag game thing #feel free to ignore this snajkjfgk

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indigopurple · 5 years ago

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Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

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robinrunsfiction · 5 years ago

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Consider..Demon!Gerard (he’s such a sweetheart,,calls herbsugar,,darling-also super shady tho)finds the reader dying (mugged maybe?)And brings her back to life(the afterlife??)she lives with him now because thats what happens when a demon saves u ig?Anyways theyre kinda falling in love,,she falls asleep on him on the couch one night,,the next night what do u know things happen and things are said and they end up making out in their underwear in her room,, suuper fluffy,, they fall asleep

Have You Heard the News That You’re Dead?

Pairing: Demon!Gerard Way x Female ReaderRating: TeenRequested By: AnonWord Count: ~2,400Author’s Note: Hi, my name is Robin and I am physically incapable of writing a short story, but this is super super late so I hope that makes up for it! I use the prompt “Everyone has a guardian angel except you. You have a guardian demon. He deals with things in a much more violent fashion, but much more effective.” from @writing-prompt-s as my guide for this one. Also TW: for mentions of death, but if you didn’t get that from the ask, I can’t help you.

You always knew you were different. You could tell the vibe you gave off wasdifferent of that of everyone else. Dogs growled or ran away when you walkeddown the street. Old ladies would clutch their pearls. If it hadn’t been likethat for as long as you could remember, it would be alarming to say the least.What you weren’t aware of was the fact that most people had a guardian angellooking out for them, and you had a guardian demon.

That’s not to say it made you a bad person, you just had a different way of moving through life. Sure trouble found you more often than others, but you were still having a hell of a good time. That is until the night you stumbled alone out of that bar in a drunken stupor. You’d be fine you reasoned. You were always fine. Until that guy with a knife appeared and you didn’t have any money left to give him and that answer angered him, and then you were bleeding on the ground.

The last thing you saw was a man with black eyes and black hair and a pale face running up, muttering obscenities under his breath, clearly panicked. All youcould wonder was why there was no one to look out for you at that moment.

You woke up in a bed that wasn’t familiar in a room you’d never seen. You sat upand saw your shirt still had the hole from where you’d been stabbed, but yourskin was unbroken underneath. You had been certain you were dying on that street. Was this some kind of weird hospital? Had you been in a coma for years? What was going on?

You got out of the bed and moved quietly toward the door. As you wandered down the dark hallway, you could hear music playing. Following the sound, you found yourself in a living room, where someone, a man with black hair, sat with his back to you.

“‘Scuse me,” you started and he turned to look at you with those same black eyes you saw when you were on the street. “What the fuck?” you gasped asyou backed away. “Where am I? Where did you take me?” You demanded.

He sat down the book he was reading and strode over to you. “My name isGerard. I’m your guardian demon and for the sake of honesty, its my fault you’redead.”

“I’m dead?!” You shrieked. “Demon? Am I in hell?!”

“Not exactly. You’re at my place, which dimensionally speaking, is earth-adjacent… on the hell side. Come sit down, I’ll explain everything.”

“No! I wanna go home!”

Gerard winced. “That’s the thing sugar, this is your home now.”

Gerard had to rush to help you sit down, as your legs seemingly were not working at the moment and you looked like you were about to collapse.

“You see,” he started once you were seated, “most of you humans have guardian angels. A few of you lucky ones get us, guardian demons.”

“How is that lucky? I’m doomed to hell before I even get a crack at life?” Youargued.

“Oh you aren’t doomed, you’re destined to become a demon as well. Knowing you guarding another luck human soul until its time they join our ranks.”

“Then what am I doing here?”

“You weren’t supposed to be dead yet. I fucked up.”

“Shocker.”

Gerard descended upon you, his face inches from yours. “Oh sugar, didn’t I dowell for the last however many years? Didn’t you have a life anyone could wishfor?”

You didn’t know how to respond, so you just swallowed thickly.

“I thought so,” he said righting himself. “Besides, my duty to you is not relieved now that you are deceased. We need to keep you hidden here so management doesn’t know that I-”

“Fucked up and let me die.”

Gerard glared down at you. “Exactly. But don’t worry sugar, I intend to keeptaking the best care of you. I promise you that.”

Despite Gerard’s explanation of events you still weren’t totally convinced he wasn’t full of shit. That was until he left you alone in the living area for a whileand you snuck over to the window to look out.

His apartment was a couple stories up on a busy street. But instead of the usualbustle of cars and people there were what could only be described as creatures.

Sure some of them, like Gerard, looked human, save for the black eyes, or horns sticking out of their hair. Some looked like something you’d read about in ahorror novel. You watched wide eyed as they passed along the sidewalk belowyou, going about their demonic business.

“Believe me now?” Gerard asked, startling you away from the window.

“Sure,” you said sitting down again. It was all too much to take. “But what am Igonna until my destined death day?”

“Think of it as if its one of those days you called out sick from work so you couldsit and watch hours of TV.”

“I’m doomed to watch Judge Judy and Maury forever?! I mean one day is fine, but for eternity?!”

“No, anything you want to watch, read, listen to, its all at your disposal,” heexplained.

“Will I need to do live human stuff like… eat or sleep again?”

“Totally optional,” he said. “Just like all other carnal needs.”

You just rolled your eyes and went to examine the bookshelf. Not surprisingly itwas filled with books on the occult, as well as a lot on history, art and music.

“’Bout what I expected,” you said running your fingers over the spines of thebooks, “for a demon.” When you glanced up Gerard was watching youintently and it made you shiver involuntarily.

“Help yourself to any of them. I have to go meet up with some associates. Don’tanswer the door if anyone comes around, remember, you’re alive.”

You just rolled your eyes as you pulled a book off the shelf and sat down to read.

You had no idea how long had passed, time being more of a human construct it would appear by the lack of clocks in the apartment. Or maybe they weren’t andGerard’s lack of time management was the cause of your current, or ratherpermanent, state of being.

Eventually you got up and watched the demons on the street for a while, then wandered through the rest of the apartment. Who knew Demons would be so sensible as to have guest bedrooms? The closet will full of clothes that seemed to be similar to the style you like while you were alive. You changed out of the shirt you died in, a thought that made you shudder, and into one that was less holey.

Moving on you noted there was no bathroom, but that made sense given what he had said about things that were “optional”. The kitchen was impressivelystocked with rich foods and fancy wines and liquors. Maybe Gerard liked toentertain? Well he wasn’t doing that impressive of a job of it right now youthought as you found yourself getting bored.

As if on cue, Gerard burst through the door. “Miss me sugar?” He askedas he breezed into the kitchen where you were still standing, feeling slightlyguilty, like you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been.

“Not really,” you mumbled.

“Oh come on sugar,” he said slinking up to you and grazing your cheek with hisfingers, “is that anyway to talk to your roommate?”

You made a disgusted noise and rolled your eyes before pushing past him.

“This is gonna be a fucking long eternity,” he muttered under his breath.

The thing you most enjoyed about not being alive was similar to your favorite part of being alive: sleeping. You would sleep as long as you wanted without any repercussions or judgement from others. Gerard certainly didn’t mind, as this left more time for him to do whatever he wanted since he no longer had to watch over you so closely.

Soon though he realized he missed it. He was fond of you, as he had to be based on the nature of the work, but he always enjoyed making trouble for the people who pissed you off during the day. Now he watched as a dark cloud started to gather over your waking hours, the shelves of books and movies and music no longer drawing your interest like it used to. One evening he walked into the living room to find you staring blankly at the wall.

“Novelty of it has worn off, hasn’t it?” He asked.

“Yea, and the permanence is setting in,” you sighed.

Gerard sat down next to you. “I am truly sorry. You probably don’t believe me,but its true.”

“What happened that night?” You asked as you let your head fall against hisshoulder and he moved his arm so it was around you.

“Remember that guy that was bothering you at the bar earlier in the night?”

“Yea…”

“I scared him off, that’s why he left you alone. He found someone else and theywere gonna hook up in the bathroom and I made sure that the whiskey he wasdrinking lived up to its reputation.”

You chuckled at the thought of the douche who had been talking such big game all night not being able to perform.

“I got carried away, but I’ve always hated guys like that,” Gerard admitted.“There really is a special place in hell for them.”

“Good,” you said, as you settled into him even more. A small smile tugged at his lips. “What else did you do for me?”

Gerard reclined to get more comfortable as he launched into his favorite stories of when he dealt out cosmic retribution on your behalf.

“You’re evil, but like, good evil,” you hummed as you slid down so you were laying against his chest. His arms wrapped around you protectively.

The next thing you knew you were being awakened by a hammering at the door. You both sat bolt upright and looked at each other.

“Gerard, you home?” a voice called from the other side.

“Go hide in your room,” he whispered and you hurried off and Gerard went to thedoor.

“Frank, what’s going on?” Gerard asked coolly.

“You got a hot little succubus in there?” Frank asked trying to look past Gerard.

“What’s going on Frank?” Gerard asked again, sounding more exasperated.

“Management is starting to ask about your human. No one has seen her in a while. You still keeping track of her?”

“Of course,” Gerard lied easily. “She’s just been dealing with some shit, so she’sbeen laying low.”

Frank nodded skeptically. “Just looking out for you. I’d hate to have you get fired,that would mean more work for me,” he laughed. “Besides, you know what happens when you get fired.”

Gerard nodded, trying not to let the nerves show. He remembered the last time another demon got fired. He couldn’t sleep for weeks it shook him so bad.

“Alright, I’ll leave you be, I know you got someone in there,” Frank smirked as he left.

Gerard went back to your room and found you hiding in the closet. “You’re good.”

“What’s going on?” You asked getting up.

“I’m gonna have to go topside and act like you’re still alive, or else I’m as deadas you.”

“Demons can die?”

“Not exactly the same, but it sure as shit ain’t pretty when it happens,” Gerard muttered.

“I wish I could help.”

“Not your fault, sugar,” he said as he headed back toward the front door. “I gottaclean up my mess for a while.”

“When will you be back?”

“You’ll barely know I’m gone,” he winked.

You spent what felt like forever sitting around, bored and lonely and thinking.Thinking for hours about what Gerard was risking keeping you here, and everything he had done for you your whole life. When the door finally opened again, you jumped up excitedly.

“Hey sugar,” he greeted you with a smile.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yea, we’re good for a while,” he said shrugging off his jacket. “I don’t thinkanyone will be asking questions anytime soon.”

“Good,” you said as you walked up to him and wrapped him in a hug.

Gerard stiffened momentarily, surprised by the affection, but then softened andwrapped his arms around you as well. “You decided you like me then?”

“Maybe it’s just Stockholm Syndrome, but yea, I think I do kinda like you after all. I have really did have the time of my life when I was alive, and I know you’re tothank for a lot of that,” you said before leaning up and placing a kiss on hischeek.

When you pulled back, he was looking down at you fondly. He reached up and ran his fingers along your jaw and leaned in and kissed you deeply. His lips tasted like coffee and red hots, as his arms wrapped around you and held you closer to him. You ran your hands through his dark hair and allowed his tongue to slip in against yours.

You pulled back and Gerard looked at you in confusion until you grabbed him by the collar and pulled him along back to the bedroom. He started to undo the buttons of his shirt as you peeled yours off as well. You pulled Gerard back to you again and your lips met as you tumbled against the bed. Gerard held himself over you as he undid his pants, and you slipped out of yours as well. Clad only in your respective undergarments, you continued your heated make out session, tongues moving together, hands roaming over bare skin, marks left upon necks. After what could have been 10 minutes, or maybe a decade, Gerard pulled back and looked down at you “(YN), I’ve never felt like this before,” he whispered.

“What, demons don’t do emotions?”

“Yea, but not usually love.”

You looked up at him and grinned. “Yea, I think I’d like to spend eternity here with you.”

Gerard grinned and rolled over to your side. You curled against him as he wrapped his arms around you and you both fell asleep peacefully.

#Anon #gerard way x reader #gerard way fan fic #gerard way fan fiction #gerard way imagine #my chemical romance fan fic #my chemical romance fan fiction #demon!gerard way #demon gerard way x reader

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the-little-red-noodle · 6 years ago

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12/6/18 12:49

I want to write but i dont know what to say.

i feel so much but im not doing anything. i have feelings that i want to talk through but i cant grasp them yet.

im so tired and my eyes hurt and my heart wants to love so much more than im being given opportunity for. i have so much love to give but nowhere to put it where it will be received in the way i really want. i’ll never admit it, but i just want someone who will mirror that love. i just want to feel like im appreciated and that those efforts are seen and appreciated.

I just want to love and be loved in an enthusiastic way. And i feel like this a lot more when spencer and i are apart and i have to rely on his text voice to fill that little space in my head where i overthink about our relationship standing. That’s not to say that i never get my feelings hurt when we’re together in person, because yeah it happens, he’s a boy and he says dumb shit sometimes. But it’s so much less.

When we’re together in person, at least i can guage a little more where we stand. I can feel that he’s happy and i excite him. Sex is always good so i don’t really worry about that domain. I’m a very sexual person and i usually initiate things and will be more verbal about what i want or complimenting him and making it feel very explicit that I’m attracted to him and enjoying things, etc. so i feel like sex is coming easy to him. Like we don’t have any sexual inhibitions other than just like timing or if I’m on my period. But whenever I’m on my period, like today, i just go down on him anyway because it’s fun for both of us, and i think a little bit subconsciously it’s because i want to make sure he stays satisfied with me.. like i don’t want him to feel like he needs to go anywhere else for that kind of satisfaction because he can always get off with me and that i do things enthusiastically, which i do. I genuinely have a good time being sexual with him in any context because i do feel so attracted to him and so like.. into it.. like even on my period when i usually feel the least sexy, he comes over and makes me feel like such a queen.. like we’realways touching each other and so close and it’s always pretty high attraction energy between us which keeps me pretty enticed all the time..

it’s weird but it’s not. Cuz like i know that I’m a very sexual person. I like sex. I enjoy having sex for me, and i like the physical feeling and the connection to people. I like being intimate and i love being intimate with spencer for a lot of reasons.

I think a big part of it is his aloofness most of the time keeps me pushing for it. Like he’s so precious and beautiful and giggly and all that. Like he’s adorable and he looks at me sometimes like I’m so gorgeous.. like today he came over for like 2 hours and we just cuddled and teased each other.. the entire first hour was a standoff of who could hold out longer, which is funny because if i weren’t on my period, 100% i would lose first. But since he didn’t know i was on my period, i just ran with it and played this game with him. It’s so fun to tease each other and taunt the other person to make moves..

i just like messing with him cuz theres an innocence to him that i really like.. and part of that is that he is just objectively attractive, like conventionally but also just like to me, he is so perfect.. like his bone structure and his cute little features, and he’s tall and thin and i just think he’s crazy attractive. It’s honestly kind of annoying tho because i can’t ever keep my hands to myself. Like i just want to touch him constantly and have my arms around him..

Now i miss him..

Ugh wait i want to talk about jealousy. Because this is something i got back and forth on a lot in my head but overarching isnt an issue, because i don’t bring it up. Like i have insecurities, who doesn’t. And something i worry about is just him finding someone else that he likes better, and in reality, i feel like that would come from a friend confessing to him, and he’ll either be in love with that person or he’ll be a pushover and be with them cuz he cares about people and wants to make them happy. I worry that i won’t have as strong of a hold on him as id like to think that i do. And i mainly worry about this with his friend Ali, because they are super close and I’ve seen a couple times now where she like needs to talk to him and talks about anxiety and needing him.. so when i hear about it theres a twinge of jealousy because i imagine her like confessing that she loves him and that seeing him with another girl was too much and he should dump me amd be with her..

Yes i know i sound crazy, I’m aware. But that’s why i write this shit on tumblr so these thoughts never see the light of day. Because of course i would never bring this up to him, because expressing these insecurities does nothing but put tensions on his friendships, and i would hate if he did that with my friendships with guys, or girls (don’t bi erase me) and it would be annoying if i wanted to hang out with someone that he was jealous of because of course i would want to make sure he was super comfortable and that would probably cause me to see them less, and that’s not what i want for him because frankly i like his girl friends more than his guy friends, and theyre better influences on him anyway.

Still, theres something about this girl that makes me nervous sometimes. I think it’s just that she seems affectionate with him and expresses needing him, which seems like the way you treat a boyfriend or a guy you are affectionate with because he likes you but you’re friendzoning?

That too, i don’t know how these girls friendzone him. Like he is so gorgeous it makes me angry. He is so gorgeous, how do people look at rhis gorgeous man and go ya he’s just a friend. Like what?

Anyway, idk what to do about my feelings about ali. Part of it too is that i find her attractive, and someone i was low key crushing on last year, so now i see her super close with my partner and I’m like silently growling because i know shems attractive, and she would know what a prize spencer is, so that’s the insecurity.

The reason i don’t say anything is because i feel like at our age, theres a level of maturity and understanding. Enough to where if you are in a relationship, but develope feelings for someone else, and those feelings suddenly have an outlet and that person wants you back, you should be honest and breakup with your partner and pursue that other thing. Like ya being cheated on would suck, and getting dumped would suck, but at the end of the day, we’re all just people and romance is messy and i feel like if this girl confessed to him and he wanted to be with her, he should be. Cuz like theyre friends for a while and must know each other pretty well, and if he had strong feelings like that for someone else, who am i to hold him back?

But the point i was making is that even if this girl or any other girl expressed interest in him, that doesn’t mean he instantly sleeps with them and dumps me. Because id like to think that he and i are doing pretty well at the moment and id like to think he’s happy with me and wants to be with me.

When i get insecure about this stuff, i like to think about this thing he said a while ago. He said that he was single for 2 years, and just wasnt dating, and that when he saw me, he was like “her”.

I like to think about it in a serious way that like he’s known these females for those 2 years, and that if he wanted things to happen with them, they probably would have already happened. And i like to think that he was immediately attracted to me, and that first night when we met and kissed and he asked me about italian food because he wanted to take me on dates when we got back to school.

Those two things he said mean a lot to me and keep me relatively grounded when dumb insecurities want to carry me out and get lost in the sky.. i want to believe that he chose to be single for a while, or just didn’t hard pursue anyone for a while, but then with me he just wanted to date me or knew i was girlfriend material. And honestly that’s so fucking cute..

And i feel good about us now in that sense too when we talk about being friends. We’re both pretty adamantly like i think of you as much more than a friend and when i was jokingly like oh so you want to be just friends? And he was so sad like i mean.. if that’s what you want.. but I’m very happy with this” and just hugged me so tight..

Like i know I’ve got him, ya know? Maybe that sounds confident, but i feel like i got him.. i feel like i suit him pretty well and that I have the qualities he wants in a girlfriend. Or at least id like to think so.

So when i get insecure, i remind myself of these things and remind myself of when we were both complaining about exes who got jealous of our opposite sex friends and how annoying it is to be accused of sleeping with your platonic friends. So i know how dumb it would be to ask if he likes Ali, or if he ever has liked her in the past, because what if he has? I used to like Patrick, and he used to like me, but that doesn’t make us incapable of being just friends right now, so it would only hurt me to know that. And if he did currently like her, maybe he’ll say something. Or it’s not a big enough deal to him to mention it.

I just gotta trust him. I gotta let myself trust him and trust that we’re both adults and that he is capable of having platonic female friends, the same way i am capable of having platonic friends with anyone.

I think that’s as much as i can write for tonight. Gotta get sleep and get work done tomorrow.

Xoxo gossipgirl

#samiswriting

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barbwiredheartx · 5 years ago

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I just remembered i told my mother its possible i was accidentally swapped in the hospital after i was born and wasnt even biologically their child after my first alters came out in teenage. I felt to that extent not part of or related to their family and didnt even want to be.

From teenage other things i personally remember are, missing the bus and waiting in the winter frost, starving for hours for the late night bus after vocational school. Calling home and being cursed at. Denied food after my parents went to bed. Being locked out of the house with a cackle from mom just because i was a troubled sleeper.

Escaping from home for hours to walk and speak and act out daydreams with tay and a personification of the night walked beside us. The daydreaming got during the years so bad we would rather stay awake in bed all night daydreaming even if we had school the next day. We havent daydreamed after the loss of both josh and jojo and especially tay in 2006. Jojo was the escapist and the beloved girl. While dormancy of alters is a thing, so is fragmentation/splitting of alters. Both josh and jojo split into several, theyre recognizeable and yet recognizably slightly different from their original selves. I don't exist as i was. Im also not who moved to this geographical area fuck already 6 years ago, feels like four tbh. Im not even who moved to this apartment five years ago. Rose is also not entirely herself because shes in two: Rose Bri split into Rose and Bri. Light and dark. Same coin, two sides. Jojos most full part of herself focused into a punk girl, looks like she took joshuas style and incorporated that with her sugar punk music taste. The other parts of her are motherly, kind, soft and to my knowledge act as internal caretakers to the littles.

I also suspect jojo was a type of direct split few splits removed from ronja, our earliest known alter.

Our need for different names traces to about age 10-12 according to common memory i think is one of the earliest symptoms, we were looking for names without any apparent reason that fit us more than the name we were called. Just a couple to few years before that something we dont know about was happening at home that had our physically aged 8 little act suicidal (of course we never understood it as that until we got older; she was laying on a snowbank after school and didnt want to go home or move, she just wanted to lay there and disappear, she was annoyed and reacted older than her age to a by passer who kept pestering her to get up and asking if she was hurt? She sighed and huffed internally, feeling fed up, and decided it was easier to get up and go home than try to get rid of the young adult female by convincing she was fine). The memory is of standing/crouching over her looking at her and the by passer. Most of our memories are that of an observer, barely any of them are in first person besides ronjas (1) memory. And we become aware of the observer memories when another alter that didnt experience it steps up and removes the body from the situation. We experience things in first person aside situations where none of us front but are co-conscious inside the front part of the headspace and are fully aware of each other and are dissociated at once, but we only reliably recall one instance like this. This described experience is what alerted us away from full denial. Until then, we didnt think it was very credible or possible that we actually had alters and wanted to explain things away in some other way.

After being made aware, we are naturally to begin with a very observant and analytical persona, we started to pay attention to try and understand whats happening with us and looked into the word we didnt even think was a real word "polyfragmented" that one of our alters wrote down during the breakdown. Apparently this somehow invalidates us according to the nurse. That somehow its a bad thing we are self aware of having several different alters and states and wanting to understand it. Until the breakdown, we had a cracking nonbinary host who didnt really identify with anything, especially not a name and was extremely exhausted and wanted to dissociate from life and its responsibilities entirely.

Since becoming aware of our system and allowing "wiggle space" our dissociation with the outside world has become a whole lot better (ie. we experienced a lot of blurry view, incapability to process surroundings outside our immediate range through senses like smell, touch, sound, visuals causing us to startle for example when someone would pass us from behind on the street and the limited ability to focus in interests for long periods of time like reading, listening to music, singing, drawing, coloring, cleaning, organizing and cooking). We experience actual genders and have gained access to previously lost talents/hobbies like singing and drawing and personal preferences of different music genres. We have individual tastes and we have individual opinions and views of the world. We have different expressions and text speech patterns, not all of us use voice to communicate.

Sigh

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fanarchoslashivist · 8 years ago

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In Hot Water

So Jack is BARELY past his eighties when he starts his heat, and he's been through five of them, and no one goes through heat until their first century, when they are technically "legal". He's also one of very few Winter Spirits capable of going into estrus, like Boreas and Pamola. But both of those gods are long faded, so no one knows how to effectively treat a Winter spirit's heat. Spring Spirits have a reputation for being promiscuous mostly because of rumors that they "kidnap" spirits in heat and take them to "secret locations for orgies" when in actuality Spring Spirits are INCREDIBLY protective of spirits with these "fertility complications" and bring them to safe houses away from those who would take advantage of their impairment. To spring spirits mating with someone in their heat without prior magical contract consent is major taboo, these spirits are considered under the influence of their estrus and incapable of consent. Though prior consent can be withdrawn at any time. They even have "physical therapists" spirits who you can contract to help you through your heat prior to starting it. The Groundhog is one, and he and Bunny often disagree with each other over this. Aster believes any mating during heat is wrong, due to inability to withdraw consent, prior contract or no. Although Aster is Jack's primary care provider, being the oldest and most capable healer who can figure out how to treat a Winter Spirit, the Groundhog is Jack's nurse/therapist because he can shapeshift into a tiny groundhog and Jack is at first uncomfortable around large spirits that could overpower him. Aster is worried Jack will contract Groundhog when he reaches age of consent, being a guardian of childhood he considers Jack MAJOR jailbait and is extra protective of a CHILD in premature estrus. But Jack and Groundhog (tempting to call him Pete ) are more brotherly. Aster even asks Tooth to look through her old tooth boxes to see if Jack was once human, since Jack has gone into heat almost twenty years too early. Jack admits he doesn't remember anything before waking up at the lake, so either he is older than he remembers and lost the first years, or he really is premature. Possibly a Winter thing? There are no records of the other two winter spirits, Boreas had some but they were kept with the Library of Alexandria (which had a section just for gods) Jack refuses contract consent every year for the next 200 years, Groundhog knows, being his counselor, that it's because Jack has fallen in love with Bunny, who still thinks of Jack as a child. It's also extra weird because Bunny is Jack's doctor, something Aster and Groundhog both bring up. It's not a hard taboo, but it is considered unethical for a healer or counselor who works closely with a patient to be that patient's contract. Because they can influence the patient's decision outside of heat. Bunny talks about it when warning Jack against contracting Pete, which grosses Jack out, and Pete warns Jack when he figures out Jacks feelings. But until Bunny knows how to help Jack he can't request a different healer. So 200 years of Jack deleriously confessing to Bunny in his heat and Bunny going "yes yes, here, have a tranquilizer" because you don't have sex with a drunk person, even drunk off phermones and hormones. Bunny is 100% against this. Well 90% He may have had… some..dreamms… And a *ahem* guilty hand in the shower. And other places But he is a solid high 70% against sleeping with Jack He eventually finds a recipe for a heat suppressent, its basically birth control. It pumps Jack with hormones that makes his body think he's pregnant. Which is fantastic for Jack because Bunny makes it into this really awesome chocolate. Basically Jack takes them when he begins Estrus, and it halts the estrus. So Jack doesn't have to go to the clinic anymore except to get refills. He and Bunny don't see eachother again for 40 years, and when they do its because of Pitch A hell of a reunion Aster stil has no Idea Jack is in love with him, and is very tense about still being VERY attracted to him. And Jack's entire thought process is : I will use this opportunity to seduce you Step one: help the guardians fight Pitch. (Oops, collecting teeth sidetrack, okay well maybe flirt. Oops accidentally started a contest. Oops forgot the fucking coins! Oops woke the dog. Oh hey, i can show Bunny I'm protective. Oops EVERYONE IS NOW ASLEEP?!) Then Sandy is seriously injured and everything turns serious. Not exactly romantic vibes right now. Then the Warren Oh My God Bunny you have the best house ever marry me. Wow eggs, look at your millions of tiny babies. And Sophie, wow Jack gets a glimpse of Paternal Bunny. He's gone. Head over heels. Jack is going to climb this idiot like a tree. No going back, Jack must have this bun for his own. Aster has no idea what's coming. And Aster is trying not to notice how wonderful Jack is with herding eggs or how he studies their paint and talks to them like they're kittens Then he and Bunny take Sophie home together and they stick all these cute eggs around her room And then Jack hears a voice and they follow it, so Bunny is there with him when they confront Pitch and yadda yadda Pitch taunts them with Jack's teeth which would answer ALL their questions but also Pitch now has magical ingredients to control Jack and Bunny is NOT LETTING HIM KEEP THOSE so they chase Pitch through the lair but they get separated and Bunny is back in his Warren without Jack. And he races to the warren to find the others but Easter is ruined and now there's no way to save Jack Except the eggs they left in Sophies room. They rush to protect Sophie, but find Jamie barely clinging to belief. They gather the two up to take to the pole when Pitch attacks. Bunny demands to know where Jack is, and Pitch laughs and say's he's a little broken at the moment. Pitch taunts Bunny that Jack is trapped in a nightmare living his with worst and oldest fear, and guess whose got the starring role! If you were HOPING to have any sort of RELATIONSHIP with the boy, I'm afraid it's fairly well CRUSHED. But Jack knows its a nightmare, because he knows Bunny, and Bunny would never hurt him. So he fights back, reaching for his magic, even though his staff is gone even though the nightmare is so very real and Bunny's spring powers are melting his ice and Bunny is so much STRONGER than him and it hurtshurtshurts its hard to concentrate but he does and he pelts nightmareBunny with a snowball and Bunny looks so dumbfounded that Jack laughs and Bunny is angry and chasing him but now its just like all the times before, now its a GAME and suddenly the nightmare Bunny looks more like the real Bunny and this time when he is caught its because Jack allows it and they tumble down a snowhill. And when they land Bunny is on top but its different, its okay, and Jack smiles and says he's not giving up, he's going to confess and tell him how he really feels. And dream Bunny asks how he really feels and Jack kisses him on the nose and says "thats for the real Bunny to know." Then he wakes up, and the nightmare sand that was smothering him in that terrible dream is gold and the cage is coated in ice. The poor fairies in the cages next to him are shivering but he smiles at them and tells them he'll get them out. He breaks out of his cage and using his new golden nightmare horses flies over to the other cages, unlocking them and helping the fairies down. They all rush to the tooth boxes, desperate to renew memories of the guardians. Jack tells the dreamsand to go to the kids, save as many from Pitch as they can, and it does, bringing dreams to as many children as it can. Soon the streets of Burgess are lined with children, woken from their nightmares by thoughts of the guardians. They see the fight from their windows, from their yards and rooftops. They rush to the city park to help. Jamie's friends rush to save him and his sister from the nightmares, and as they reach him, covering him and Sophie, as soon as the horses hooves touch them they burst into gold. North, feeling renewed tosses his snowglobes and with the yeti and elves streaming out comes Sandy! They fight and they win, the kids, delirious on their victory, start a snowball fight which reminds Aster that Jack is still missing. They chase Pitch into the forest, who runs into Jack at the lake, taking him hostage. Pitch reminds them that there will always be fear, that fear is what keeps niave, trusting, STUPID boys like Jack safe from monsters. Tell me Jack, when you see your once precious Easter Bunny do you feel safe? And Jack backward headbutts him in the face and says "absolutely" And Pitch is furious, he thought for sure the boy would be broken. His nose and mouth are streaming blood, and he crabwalks backwards He sees movement in the shadows and smiles. He can't reach Jack but he can sow doubt in the rabbit. Tell me Jack, if you don't fear him, what are THEY doing here? And the guardians turn to the horses in the shadows. They step forward into the Moon light, and Pitch is agast to see his glorious nightmares are now blue eyed dreamsand unicorns. They rear up and charge after the fleeing Pitch. Jack jokes that they'll "have to deal with THAT eventually." Sandy floats up to him with a squinty eye, then smirks and shakes his head like "what am I going to do with you" Then Bunny is jumphugging Jack, excited and worried and so very happy. He then shoves Jack at arms length and gives him a lookover, "are you hurt? Tell me where you're hurt" And Jack laughs, his heart is so full its acheing and he feels like crying because theyre all safe and says he's not hurt, he's fine, are any of you hurt? North laughs, saying THEY ARE GUARDIANS, this was childsplay. There was not even any real bloodshed. Which Tooth informs is because she forgot her swords at home Now Bunny suddenly gets super awkwards, keeping Jack at a personal bubble distance, which is fine, Jack can wait for the before credits kiss. Bunny suggests they get the anklebiters home before they pass out and noone can find where they live. Jack is wowed, half the town of kids is there. A few are waving from windows and rooftops. After they tuck everyone in, with Bunny and Jack meeting up back in Sophies room Jack finds the last googie neither sibling noticed on Jamies desk next to his drawings of the sleding incident. On it is painted a winter scene with Jamie on his sled, only Jack is flying beside him. Bunny rubs his kneck and admits that he felt that since Jack helped Bunny with Sophie he'd help Jack. It wasn't right, Jack not having believers. Jack starts crying, and Aster is freaking out SHITSHITSHITIFUCKEDUP Then Jack sets the googie back down and grabs Bunny to kiss him HARD And thats how Bunny helped Jamie believe in Jack Frost (Because lowkey roleswitch au If you didn't notice) And North BuRSTS into the room just like he did during the toothhunt, and Abby wakes up AGAIN and comes bolting up the stairs and Bunny taps open a hole Grabs jack and nopes the fuck out of there Bye mate! Jack howls with laughter. North is left with a barking dog and panicking yeti. They open a portal but Abby follows them through and now she's at the pole And chasing the elves, who made her a sweater and adore her and refuse to give her back. She has a doggy door portal.Sophie once went through it. Oops. like narnia but with a dogdoor, the elves sneak the kids through without anyone knowing. the kids basically have free run of the workshop. (The yeti see them but adore them and so don't tell the Guardians) Meanwhile, backing up, Jack and Bunny are safely in the warren. Broken eggs everywhere, Jack is shocked, and turns to Bunny says he's so sorry, its all his fault for being lured by Pitch. Bunny reassures him that they BOTH fell for the trap, and its not like they could let Pitch keep his teeth, speaking of which he pulls them out of his bandolier. He tells Jack Tooth can help him get his memories back. Jack says that would be nice, but it can wait, everything he needs is right here, and everything he wants is in the future. Bunny looks at their joined hands and coughs, pulling back. Apologizing. When Jack asks why, he explains that he knows what type of nightmare Pitch gave him, and he understands if Jack needs space. Jack puts his hands on Asters forearms and says "look at me. Do you know how I was able to break free? Because I knew, I KNEW, you would NEVER hurt me. Then he kisses Bunny's nose, just like in the dream, and says "I love you." And Aster clutches Jack to him and cries.

#discount fics #Juan froat and the furry dorito #jackrabbit

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formalsocks · 8 years ago

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mulch and some soil

mulch summary: the sensation of the empty pits scattered around your body feel as though they are currently eating away everything on the inside, you are just waiting for them to eventually eat you whole the pain can fool you into believing that you are completely empty, everything inside of you has been eaten, everything is numb and you will eventually have nothing left but outer skin, completely hollow, no thoughts you are aware this doesnt make sense and is not normal to feel this way but can not stop feeling the pain anyway and thinking what you think of when you are thinking about yourself or you see yourself in a mirror every thing is in your head. the pain you are feeling is not physical. it is emotional. very few feel "physical pain" when it is actually their brain but thats only when they are really upset where they start hurting in the inside because they have too many emotions and they have to have somewhere to go if thier head is too.full ......................................................................... .soil brain. they seem kind and caring. saying they care about you and dont make fun of you when you say weird things to them. they are perfectly normal, they have all feelings and do not feel hollow or numb and they do not think their organs are being swallowed by a black hole that eats your insides because you are the only one who feels like that and made it a fake disease because you are the only one who feels like they are being eaten from the insideby a black hole (not all the time, but will happen) they are aware that you are in pain and cant feel certain emotions because they are blocked (you do not know how to unblock them you are also unsure if you have ever been able to feel certain emotions and maybe you were just born incapable of feeling them or they are locked away from yourself) (defense mechanism? maybe). side note:this type of brain in a person is perfect for helping mulch brains but they are rare and if you find them cherish them and be really good to them .brains. .their brain. their minds were made from the richest soil, very beautiful flowers that smelled like good memories (block parties,snow,your dad when you hug him after he says he loves you) covered their brain, bragging how healthy and whole they are and they dont feel hollow at all. among the soil also grows the really lush soft grass that is natures blanket and twinkles in the sun because it is such a pretty green. a new couple are on their third or fourth date eating strawberries and also eating watermelon straight from the melon with two spoons (cut in half and sharing both halves), the guy drops his spoon (it gets dirty) and blushed when she feeds him with her spoon, they both blush and look away to hide their smile. this part is cute and they will look back on it when they part ways and smile and blush at the thought of it, both of them wonder if the other one saw them blush and the answer is yes they both saw it they will remember this moment for a while. and the girl is wearing a white sun dress that she wore on purpose because the last time she wore it the guy said she looked like the prettiest girl in school. the guy remembers he said this and hides his smile when he thinks maybe she wore it for him (she did) but he has low self confidence and thinks he likes her more than she likes him so he thinks that she wouldnt do that for him but he secretly pretends that it is true (it is)) with mary janes she is very cute and has lots of freckles and light brown eyes, the ones that have gold flecks in them. and the boy is wearing a yellow shirt, (you can decide if he is wearing shorts or jeans (if jeans, light blue/paint splatters (accidental) if shorts, maybe cool plaid ones his dad had when he was 17 that he found in attic) he has bright red vans on with blue writing scribbled across the side of the shoe (right one) but you cant make out what it says but i will say that it is one of his favorite album titles (he also has good music taste so it is a cool album) this is how nice their brain is they are naturally beatiful and have the perfect balance and perfect thinking process and have very few problems and for the most part they are happy. .your brain. your brain is covered in damp brown/orange mulch and has no crops or flowers in it. the mulch on your brain never dries so even if you had seeds to plant, it would be too much moisture and they would never grow. you cant remember when your crops and/or flowers died, or if you ever even had them. (you think the ugly colored mulch suits you well because you also feel ugly and gross like mulch but you wish you had nice soil like they do) you dont remember much of your childhood. you know something happened and it made you very upset and made you not understand lots of things and made you forget what happened that night when you became older because thats how much you didnt like it and your mind made you forget it on its own so you didnt even mean to do it. you remember bits and pieces but you are also missing the most important parts of the event so you dont know exactly what happened. you also think this event is partialy responsible for having damp mulch and no flowers or crops growing from your brain and making up a disease that isnt real that you also diagnosed yourself with even though it is not real and the pain of your insides being eaten by black holes is very irrational and doesnt actually happen to you it just feels like it is sometimes. you also only remember your life with the person who you saw do something bad *after* that certain event. you remember mostly everything about your kid years but for the ones who were involved in the bad memory you cant remember 1 single moment you had with them and if you have a memory and they are in it you only see them as a figure of static, the one that looks like a lot of ants spinning very fast and also running around (you think ants are cool because they are very small and cute but can like like 30× their weight). you can make out their body shape and you know it is them but you cant hear what they are saying. you also think this is why you hate mirrors and cant tell what you look like because something broke at some point and your eyes dont work but only when you look at your self but when you are looking at anything and anyone else you have 20/20 vision and you think this is weird but you have grown used to it because you dont remember how you looked at yourself when you didnt have this problem so it is now normal for you but also upsetting because you cant tell if you are fat on the day you look in the mirror or your eyes just do that because you used to be fat and dont think you changed from your kid self and that is scary because as a kid you were very ugly and fat. you sometimes think this is for the better because in the mirror you dont look right and your face is mixed up and if you knew what you looked like all the time you would be very sad about it because you at least know you look bad to some degree if your brain is also hiding what you look like from yourself. (brains do this when something is too upsetting to see or remember something you really dont like and cant hanlde). so it may be better off not knowing. you are also someone who tries to be postitive so you consider this a good thing overall-. (you try to be positive but you can be really negative because when you are upset about something you cant change all you can do is complain and that is a 1 very negative thing to do. you should stop doing that) -because you dont have flowers or crops and have mulch for a brain and most people have okay soil,average soil,and,very good soil for brains and mulch is the worst one you can have bc its shitty for crops (thoughts and emotions) and is ugly and also damp, doesnt dry, and has an ugly color and is made out of things that look ugly in large amounts (most mulch is in a large amount). you think you cant process things and cant access lots of emotions but when you do you care about something too much you can ruin it. or care about somebody too much and it scares them and you lose them forever and they also wont like you how you like them and then you get sad but understand bc you know exactly why they dont see you like that but its still upsetting so you swear off of liking someone but you end up doing it anyway bc you cant help it it is quite the cycle) you are also scared all the time because every second you look different and you dont know what you look like not including the seconds you look in the mirror and not knowing that is scary because the thought of people thinking you are gross to look at also makes you feel gross about yourself. you also constantly say you have to go to the bathroom but you go to see what you look like and when you are hanging out with someone and dont want to seem like you are checking yourself out so you dont look in the mirror and then yiu cant make eye contact after 30 min bc you dont know what you look like and cant risk it) people stare at you and you say it is because of the clothes you are wearing because you wear weird clothes that arent feminine (if you are a girl) or masculine (if you are a boy) (you also dont care if you wear boy clothes if youre a girl and girl clothes if youre a boy because that is really stupid and people should wear what they like which is what you do and you really think you look cool and portraying a fun personality but when other people think you are weird you feel like you are weird and that makes you want to hide and leave when no one is watching and go home to put pjs on because pjs are comofortable and people dont judge them usually even though you are at home and no one is even there to judge you but your parents (siblings if you have them theyre probably mean if they judge you tho)and they judge when you are dressed too boyish (if you are a girl) and dressed too girlish (if you are a boy)). you wish your brain knew what was okay to wear and do and how to act but a lot of things, again, it doesnt work in your brain like they should so you dont know but what does work well a little tok well is awareness and paranoia and you are aware of people looking at you and paranoia is when you are worried and want to know why people are looking at you so you can change whatever youre doing to something normal and if it is because you are ugly you are going to be tempted to do a big change to try to change your face as soon as you are alone and you will examine your face to try to make it out but it looks different everyday and in different mirrors and cameras so you get upset at this and go to stress eat but then stop because you already ate granola earlier and dont want to get fat again bc that would suck (what to change when you are questioning your appearance: eyebrows, style of eye makeup that creates an illusion of a different eye.shape because your eye shape is weird, hair? color and/or cut but some are not allowed to dye their hair like this author but wouldnt anyway because they like how soft is it and it never ever tangles whihc is super nice) and then you will ask if this will actually mask your bad facial features and it wont so you give up and lay in bed and dont turn the lights on for a while because light can show way too much of your face and all the imperfections that you cant see in the dark (not necessarily pitch black but you have to be careful because so lighting can be low light but then adds shadows excentuating the shape of your features (good example: big nose). this what you would be like if you had a mulch brain. this was to see if you think the same things as the author of this or if this author is the only person in the world who has a mulch brain. main qualities of a mulch brain: doesnt know how to feel about things and the process of understanding something very serious is non existant 3/4s of the time you can not tell what you look like but you know it is bad and people dont want to look at you so you feel like you have to apologize for them seeing you but then you would sound like you are fishing for compliments and that makes people uncomfortable (also be careful about how much you talk about something you dont like about your self ppl can also be uncomfortable by the fact you are openly talking about something that is not something too discuss so openly especially if you are graphic i.e. "skinning my face would look better than my normal face" the author has said this and didnt actually mean it because skinning your face would be gross looking but you think about it sometimes bc you would get rid of all the bad parts and that would be cool but your face will also....be skinned. in conclusion the person this was said to got uncomfortable and was laughing before ithe author said it and the girl immediately stopped laughing and stared. (this is not fun) something bad happened in your younger years you 1.cant remember well or 2.you remember it too well where you think about it all the time and it still upsets you a long time after it happened and there is no threat against you but you are still scared you remember literally nothing important or what happened but you remember something extremely insignificant but also very detailed for ex. the color of your parents bed sheets the night it happened and exactly what you said to your sister when you went to hide in your sisters room and remember the amount of times the two sisters called their father until he picked up you ruin lots of relationships you dont want to but yea you love your sister like, a lot, if you dont have a sister you love your brother and if you have no siblings maybe you cherish something that has always been around? trying to list something for everyone ex. dog. stuffed animal. toy. you are probably ugly (i think this is listed but needs to be stressed) you like horror movies and gore but you would not and will not ever hurt anyone because that is terrible and is one of the worst things you can do but since you look weird and like horror you think ppl think you are scary and it is very likely tho do think you are scary and dangerous but you are not at all and you also threw up and cried when you were 16 bc u stepped on a frog and killed it side note: vowed to not eat anything for a day if i kill another animal you love animals you like alex g (you are even more of a mulch brain if you love him and know all of his songs) (and also is honest about his two new songs bobby and witch and dont just say theyre good because its by alex g but giving an honest opinion on it its is more of a real fan thing to do) you try to be nice to everyone but assume ppl think you are boring and if they have similar style and they try to be friends w u bc they also dress the same and like the same music but you cant carry on convos bc u get nervous and that makes u boring so they stop trying to be your friend and probably think they are similar to me but cant start a friendship if they cant talk to you unless they are drunk (let me be specific: smashed drunk. normal drunk still makes you nervous) you think your friends are mad at you all the time except for the super nice ones because they are understanding and actually love you because they are really good people and it is shitty you compare them to super nice ones to the other ones who can sometimes be mean and you feel bad about it bc they are both your friends even if one can be a little mean. you like giving gifts a lot you cant tell if youre fat or not sometimes lights make you dizzy for thinking about what you look like in that light setting and also bc lights can be fuckin bright and give you insane eye and head migraines you are actually a secret romantic but have little to no experience w anyone except when you have been dr*nk and didnt care about being bad at kissing and you want to do it sober but worried youll be bad but also hoping the person you like wont care and think it is cute (hopefully you would like someone nice where they wouldnt make fun of you for it and they are understanding because if you are kissing them sober and also have a mulch brain they probably already know about you and what insecurities you have) you are funny online sometimes and you will say the same exact joke in person that ppl laughed at but they go quiet bc they dont know how to respond and then you wish you didnt say it youve only.truly liked three people for their personalities *and* looks you are the one typing this (not a requirement)

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