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probably-writing-x · 5 years ago

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Out of love (Part 2)

(I’ve had to change certain aspects of the actual series to suit but... we move)

Not my Gif

Part 3 coming soon (If anybody actually wants a part three)

Summary - Guzmán has faced a lot over the past year, and you’d always been by his side through it all. It was a given. But there’s only so far that will stretch when he doesn’t reciprocate. How far will you go before you drain yourself of energy and give up on the one boy you’ve ever truly loved?

“(Y/n)?” The teacher calls out registration as every morning goes but it instantly switches from normality when your name isn’t met with a response.

If your name hadn’t already made Guzman’s heart sink, your absence certainly did. You never missed school, especially on important days like this. It was the open day for universities and he knew you’d always had high aspirations for your future. You wouldn’t want to miss the chance to network at something like that.

“She’s not here?” Guzmán mumbles to Ander, hoping for any sort of explanation from your brother.

“Of course not,” Ander rolls his eyes, turning away from Guzmán and facing the front of class.

Guzmán couldn’t even be mad at him for siding with you. He would do the same. He did do the same. He knew he was in the wrong. But his greatest fear was that he wouldn’t be given the chance to fix it. Tears pool in his eyes and he fights a losing battle to stop them from spilling.

- - - - - -

“You still haven’t spoken to him?” Omar frowns, leaning back against the kitchen counter as you sit on the countertop across from him.

“I don’t know what I’d say,” You brush your finger around the circle of the top of your coffee mug.

“Hasn’t he tried to call?” Omar persists, flinching when the toaster pings to say it is complete.

You scoff, “I turned my phone off.”

“(Y/n)!” Omar laughs, “You’re really done with him?”

The statement alone makes so much emotion build in your heart that you’re sure it’s above anything you can handle. The thought of being done with the boy you loved. How could that be? So soon? So abrupt? It didn’t feel right. But, if he didn’t feel the same about you, how could you ever not be done with him?

“Looks like we’re both having a shit time with relationships then,” Omar comments as he hands your breakfast over, “But, unlike me, you still have your education - so get ready for school and show those universities why they should have you.”

He’s right. Ending things with Guzmán, if that’s really what happened, should never be a reason for you to jeopardise your future. So, with a heavy heart and a swirling mind, you choose to take Omar’s suggestion.

- - - - - -

School doesn’t feel the same when you’re not walking through the corridors with Guzmán. When he’s not waiting for you by your locker or his gym bag isn’t crammed into yours because there was no room left in his locker. It feels physically and emotionally empty.

“Hey beautiful!” It’s Valerio that comes up and throws an arm around your shoulder, “No boyfriend today?”

“Go away, Valerio,” You roll your eyes, trying to pull his arm away.

Instead, he doesn’t budge, “Did you finally pluck up the courage to end things?”

You’re silent.

“Probably for the best, huh?” He scoffs, “You’ve deserved better than him for a long time.”

With that, you push him away with enough force that you even surprise yourself. You glare at him with a burning stare, “It’s none of your fucking business!”

He smirks and it makes you want to rip the look right off his face. There’s a crowd of people scattered around the corridor - eyes now on the sweetheart of the school in her evident demise.

“Can you just leave me alone?” When he doesn’t respond, you let out a sharper tone, “Please!”

“Hey, hey, hey...” Valerio begins but it doesn’t take long for him to be quickly cut off.

“She told you to go.”

The cold, harsh tone is only distinctive to Guzmán- there was nobody else that would say it like that. And, just as you’d guessed, he’s there. He steps in between the two of you and holds a hand towards Valerio’s chest until the boy finally gives up. Guzmán turns to you.

“You didn’t need to do that,” You say it quietly because it seems like both of you are broken enough already.

“I know, I just figured if I-“

“Thank you,” You smile lightly, “I should go.”

That was worse than if you’d have yelled in his face and told him to leave you alone just as you had done with Valerio. Instead, you’d just given him ten more reasons to love you even more. Ten more reasons that he seemed incapable of showing properly. His heart sinks as you’re walking away but it doesn’t look like you. Your shoulders have fallen and your steps seem like theyre taking all of your energy from you. No, he’d been the one to take that. Now you were just using up what was left.

You find yourself strolling around the different stalls set up around school, with no real focus on any of them in particular.

“(Y/n)!” It’s Lu that calls you over and you glance up.

She’d always wanted to be with Guzmán, since before the two of you were together and generally for a lot of the time that you were. It’s not that the two of you hated one another but how could you not carry a slight loathing towards her?

“So it seems like things with you and Guzmán aren’t great?” She pouts, treating this like another one of the times where the two of you were fed up of one another. It happened occasionally. Usually because he forgot to come over the night before, or you’d cancelled plans you’d made. It always lasted a day and then brushed away after the two of you couldn’t keep at it any longer.

“Yeah, I guess not,” You comment, your voice quieter and weaker than you’d hoped it would be.

“Hey, you okay?” That’s the thing about Lu - beyond that exterior, she had a heart of gold.

“Sorry, yeah,” You shake your head, “Just, um, a lot going on I guess.”

“Oh come on, its you and Guzmán,” She scoffs, “Somehow, and I don’t know how, that boy is obsessed with you.”

You find yourself looking over to where he stood, leaning against a wall away from everyone else. Obsession. Was that what it was? Did that ever really mean the same as love? Before you can say anything more, Lu is hurrying off to speak to Nadia - likely sending some smart remarks her way in response to their competition for the Columbia scholarship. A big part of you was trying to convince yourself that you should be doing the same, networking with different universities to grab at their best opportunities. But a small part of you didn’t really feel ready to leave Las Encinas, not like this. When you glance up to see Guzmán again, he’s already gone.

- - - - - -

“Hey, I’m not late am I?” You drop your bag as you finally find your Mum Ander and Omar in the hospital.

“No, we should be next,” Ander nods, evidently weaker in his form now as he sits in the same seat as he had done before every appointment.

“Okay,” You let out a breath, hugging your Mum before sitting on the other side of Omar, “You okay?”

Omar looks at you and forces a smile, “No.”

You smile back gently, “Yeah, that makes four of us.”

When you’re called in for the appointment, part of you feels so strongly sure that it would all be okay. That Ander would have already found the light at the end of this falling tunnel. He’d have a way of getting out of all of this and it could be thought of as history.

When the doctor says otherwise, it’s like your whole fake world comes crashing down around you.

“I’m sorry Ander,” The doctor sighs, “But please, rest assured that we will do everything we can to get you through this. And I have strong faith that you have the strength to do so.”

You can tell Anders not listening to a word of it anymore, and none of you are picking up on much. It makes you feel weak to the middle of your bones, like you’re wishing with every ounce of you that you could take his place. It should be me. It should be me. It should be-

“(Y/n)?” It’s Omar that breaks you from your thoughts and, somehow, all of you are out of that room now. You’d not even noticed that you’d moved.

The two of you look at each other and your gazes say enough words that no sound could muster as his arms wrap around you and you do the same for him. Like both of you are holding each other up. You stay like that until Ander joins you, and the three of you aren’t really sure who’s comforting whom anymore.

- - - - - -

It’s the next day when you hear Guzman’s voice downstairs. You hear him talk to Ander about everything and tell him he’ll always be there for him. In the end, you tune out of their conversation and put your earphones in - he’d be gone soon. But an undeniable lump forms in your throat when you hear him coming upstairs.

A text pings through from Ander on your phone - I tried to stop him :/ Sorry

Guzmán knocks softly on your open door and you have to fight with every morsel of you that’s telling you to not look up. He’s still in his school uniform and he has his bag still slung over his shoulder, gym bag held in the other hand.

“Hi,” He begins, waiting as you take out your earphones and sit up straight in bed.

“Hey,” You respond, pushing your laptop from your lap and folding down the screen slightly.

“I won’t stay if you don’t want me to. I just figured I’d come and see if you were okay.” He explains, looking more awkward than ever in a place he’d treated as a second home.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” You nod, running a hand through your messy hair, “Um, did I miss much at school?”

A smile dances on his lips, “Classic,” He chuckles, pulling down his bag and grabbing out some stuff, “I got all of the work you need, and you can copy my notes.”

“Thank you,” You force a smile, taking the books from him and brushing your thumb over the cover where you’d written his name.

He drops his bags down by the door and makes his way over, “Miss mentioned that you hadn’t got your name down for any universities, they could’ve just missed you but-“

“I didn’t write down for any.”

Guzmán frowns and takes a seat on the side of the bed, turning to face you, “What? Why? What happened to Oxford?”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “Things have changed since then.”

It’s like the realisation hits him ten seconds too late, “You were always going to go to Oxford with Marina.”

You cross your legs and look down at their fold to avoid his stare, “I know it seems silly, she’d hate me for even considering not going. But I’m not sure I see myself at any university anymore.”

“Seriously?” He chokes a little - was it because of him?

“I don’t know, I can’t even think about leaving with everything that’s going on,” You shake your head.

“Hey,” Guzmán shifts and his hand falls onto your leg as he squeezes gently, “I’m so sorry about Ander, but the doctor has said they-“

“I know what the doctor said, Guzmán,” It’s too harsh and you wish you could retract it instantly, “But they weren’t right when they said it would work originally.”

“They’re doing all they can,” He encourages, not phased by your irritation, “Ander doesn’t give up easily.”

“That was when he was chasing after Omar, not something like this,” Your bottom lip quivers but you still don’t release any tears. Part of you wishes that you would if it would stop all of the pressure that builds up.

“Here,” He sighs, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into his chest. The positioning is awkward and everything feels so oddly uncomfortable but you find yourself melting into him like he’s there for all the right reasons. No. You couldn’t cave this quickly.

“You should go Guz,” You sniff, pulling away, “I’ll bring back your notes tomorrow.”

“(Y/n)...” The crease between his brows shows him trying to find all of the right words to say. Instead, he says none.

He picks up his bags and heads back out like he’d never been there.

- - - - - -

It takes a whole other 10 days of the same with you and Guzmán. You’d see him at appointments with Ander but never for too long and never with much conversation. You’d see him at school but always avoid him when you could. He’d bump into you in the corridor, give a light smile and continue about his day. And every piece of every day consisted of the two of you proving that you could live without each other. Or maybe just that you could live without him. Maybe he was handling it just fine. You still saw him with Samu, or saw him yelling about Polo, he still laughed with Ander or dismissed Lu’s advances - in every way, it felt like he was normal but just without you. And maybe that oddly confirmed everything you’d been feeling before. You’d truly managed to make this boy fall out of love with you.

“(Y/n), you look great but if you take any longer, you’ll be going alone,” Omar groans from the doorway as you’re still getting ready, “What else is there for you to do?”

“Find a way of avoiding Guzmán, perhaps,” You sigh, slipping on your shoes and adjusting to the new height, “Maybe I shouldn’t go.”

“Seriously?” Omar rolls his eyes, “We’re not doing this again. It’s a party, I wouldn’t even be surprised if Guzmán doesn’t show.”

As per usual, the party was at the club and you knew Guzmán well enough to know he wouldn’t resist going to something like that. No matter how much he tried.

“Okay, how do I look?”

“Oh my god I’m not saying it again, let’s go! I’m going to be late for my shift!” Omar drags your hand, pulling you out of the room so you couldn’t stress yourself anymore.

There was no reason for any of this partying tonight, no specific reason for you to all get together. Other than the fact that you all just wanted a night to escape.

And that’s exactly what you would do.

The club is already bustling as you say goodbye to Omar and head towards where the rest of the crowd were.Lu greets you quickly before hurrying off and Cayetana gives you a wave as you pass her. It felt like everybody was acting tonight. But when weren’t they at Las Encinas?

“(Y/n)!” Carla calls when she sees you, “How are you? How’s Ander?”

“He’s okay, treatment is underway again so we’ll see what the results are,” You nod, not replying to the first question.

“I’m sorry to hear about you and Guzmán. I always thought you two were meant to be,” She shrugs a little, “But you’ve deserved better than him for a long time.”

It shouldn’t annoy you in the way that it does. You’d ended things with him for that exact reason - he wasn’t good to you. But hearing someone else say it? It was like she’d offended you more than you’d like to admit. Because that wasn’t the case, right? You’d never deserved more than Guzmán. He’d been kind, caring, honest, funny, loyal, protective... all good traits packaged into one boy. Sure, that had changed towards the end of your relationship. But that was because circumstances changed. Everything in both of your worlds was pulling you in a hundred different directions and it meant that you fell out of touch.

“(Y/n)?” Carla waves a hand in front of you, “We should get you a drink!”

You agree to her encouragement and head to the bar with her, eyes trailing over everyone in hopes that you’d see the one boy that stood above the crowd.

And, just as you knew, he was there. You avoid his gaze and keep your eyes focused on Carla ahead of you. If you looked at him, you’d be too weak to look away.

Guzman’s eyes are fixated on you and only you. He watches every move like he’s trying to find out where in the world he went wrong. He had it all and his own arrogance and ignorance made him lose exactly that. It pains him, makes him feel sick to his stomach as he considers the thought of truly living without you. Up until now, he’d just been passing by in the weird grey zone where he knew you were still somewhat there. And he still hadn’t answered your question. When did he fall out of love with you? Fall out of love with everything? Did he ever?

He stays trailing his eyes on you for as long as he can from where he’s stood until it takes all of his strength to look away. His heart breaks just a little more.

- - - - - -

It’s only later into the night, maybe once the alcohol runs through you, that you decide to walk over. There was something that needed to be said.

“Guzmán,” You say it from behind him and half expect the music to drown you out.

But he turns around practically with fear in his eyes, “(Y/n).”

“I just wanted to say...” You stop yourself, taking in every bit of the appearance you adored, “Thank you for the other day at mine. You’ve been a good friend to Ander, and to me.”

“A friend?” He raises his brows, “Anders like my brother. And you know I’d never call you a friend.”

You take a deep breath, “I know that. I just wanted to say-“

“I get it,” His hand reaches up and rubs your arm gently, “It’s fine, I’m always here.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “I’m going to go.”

You pull yourself together and go to turn away from him. You’d managed for two whole weeks to not kiss those lips, not plead with him to love you again, not break down and tell him you’d do everything to have him back - tonight wouldn’t be the night that it changes.

“(Y/n),” He stops you, standing close behind you as he speaks.

You don’t turn around. The sound of that word falling from his lips is enough to melt any barrier you’d built up hastily.

“I never stopped loving you. Not one part of me, my heart, my soul, ever stopped belonging to you. I just strayed too far from home and made it seem that way. And I know I went wrong,” He confesses it all but it feels so raw, “And you have every right to hate me for the way I treated you.”

You take in a shaky breath and your head starts to pound. This boy was about to make you cry.

“I never fell out of love with you,” He reiterates, “But I will spend every day from now until forever trying to prove to you why you shouldn’t fall out of love with me.”

Your shoulders drop and you feel like you could fall to the ground there and then. And tell him that was practically impossible. But you knew you couldn’t do that - to yourself or to him. He’d hurt you. And you needed to be one hundred percent sure that things would change before you went running back into those open arms.

Deep breath, shoulders back, let that one single tear fall - and walk away.

——————

Tags: @bi-mama @fanficparker

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