#they need to get therapy asap
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#wheezes#hi i’m back from the dead kind of. for a bit#two things I did this year first were a fic and these sketches to said fic#needed my meow meows therapy asap#this post is scheduled. I don#t trust myself to get up at a reasonable time and not forget about it :’]#hapiii new year everyone#smozo#smoker the white hunter#smoker one piece#smoker#roronoa zoro#I meant to polish these but then thought. wait. who cares if they’re messy#my art
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you should draw fiddleford in some other outfits☺️☺️😋😋😋 (this isn’t a coverup to make my fidd obsession sweet… I swear…)
Here he is with a funky outfit :)

And here he is wearing a straight jacket (from an uncooked au I have in my mind, don't ask)

#this first drawing obliterated the back side of the paper. rip#I wanted to draw him wearing something warm and cozy but it's too warm outside for that right now#be careful what you ask for#btw this made me realize how hard it is to draw these straight jackets. how do they work?#my man needs therapy asap#ask#anonymous#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#art#fanart#traditional art#for that au now. Stanford got sucked into the portal while Fidds was there. before Stanley managed to come#he tried to warn the town and they thought he was crazy. locked him up for a bit. society of the blind eye took things in their own hands#I don't know what else. literally so uncooked you'll get salmonella just by trying to think about it#I have so many random sniplets of aus in my mind. if I were to flesh them out I wouldn't have time to do anything else#I'm thinking about them before I sleep
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me connecting that bit where guillermo talks about them not being a fit and him finding a place at his job to nandor saying he's freeing guillermo from his duties and when he says he found a place where he feels like he belongs at the wellness center:

#UGHHHHHH#my boy need therapy asap#you're not thinking righttttttttt#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#guillermo de la cruz#nandor the relentless#nandermo#wwdits spoilers#wwdits season 6#season 6 spoilers#wwdits s6#wwdits s6 spoilers#throwing up my thoughts onto tumblr again#you know what? maybe we should put him in the cage again#I mean sure it lead to nandor's super slumber and mentally getting worst#so like it would NOT help guillermo#but like#maybe my guy needs a bit of a time out#and his boss murdered
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this had 60k likes — yeah we’re doomed 🧘♀️

#sttoru chats.#fcking animals im telling u#the lowest of the low#im wishing one day anyone who makes such comments about the situation gets to experience the same torment the palestinians go through on a#daily#im praying for the day that that privilege of yours gets taken away#the privilege of living securely#over drawings??? LITERAL DRAWINGS??#yeah ure sick and need therapy#get put into a mental instituion asap#morals are gone when its a fictional man whos literally not real nor will it ever become real#sick#tw vent
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You better believe there's gonna be a joke in UFF about how Steven is not only the only one of these kids who has never stepped foot inside a doctor's office but has also never taken a pill in his damn life
#get steven so fucking zoloft asap#as a zoloft taker myself lemme tell you he fuckin needs it#just steven being baffled that connie and the twins have sought out mental health care#no fucking shit considering all the batshit stuff they went through#go to therapy steven u fucking loser#jen rambles#universe falls#memes#uff
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I have gone through like 7 different emotions in the span of 2 hours, what a world
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having a panic attack re: the state of things in america rn but hahaha everything is fine 👍🏻
#⟡ — kayleigh’s yapping#if social security + medicare + veterans payments are done away with my father and i will be out on the fucking streets lmfao#because i am legitimately incapable of working a full-time job with my fucking chronic illnesses 😭 i wish i could but i cannot 🙃#and if medicaid is done away with i will literally die and i truly genuinely wish that i was exaggerating#ANYWAYS LMAO EVERYTHING IS FINE 😂 gonna attempt to sleep asap and then get up tomorrow make some necessary phone calls#and then go tf back to sleep and go to work 👌🏻 i need my puppy therapy right now#luckily it is going to be in the upper 30’s–lower 40’s tomorrow so!!! 👏🏻🥹
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Is it a coincidence that all my fav characters are in urgent need of therapy?
#someone needs to get my poor boy Wylan a therapist asap cause why would Leigh have him stay in the house he was abused in the end of ck#inej and Kaz are too far to be saved by therapy atp they need amnesia#then in the pjo fandom Clarisse my girl the loml pls her anger issues and daddy issues are visible from miles away#Reyna Annabeth Percy Nico THERAPY IMMEDIATELY#marauders fandom: Alice (clinically insane) Lily (overachiever) Marlene (not very mentally stable let’s be fr)#stranger things fandom: Max Robin Will#like do you see what I’m talking about#fandom#fandoms#fictional characters#c#characters#six of crows#Percy Jackson#marauders era#stranger things
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Pondering bottom surgery in the tags I mf guess
#I’ve been. thinking abt bottom surgery again after having accepted for a while that I would probably never get it#for context early on in my transition I was dead set on phallo but then T and my other surgeries satisfied me enough to not need it#+ for phallo I would have had to keep an arm or leg free of tattoos and I just did not want to wait on that#not considering it would probably be at least a decade. tattoos were and are more important#+ the more I started to enjoy using what I have I was like. it is simply not medically necessary anymore#like would I like to have a **** yes. do I need one to live a happy life no#being bi complicates things for me too bc it depends a little bit who I marry#don’t want to tailor my body to a specific relationship esp if it doesn’t last forever but it does make a difference#current partner is nonbinary and wants phallo so that does not make things simpler lol#I want a body that allows the most affirming possible relationship w the person I intend to marry#I also don’t want to end up hindering things w future partners should that not happen#anyway I say all this to say. I had never considered meta as an option bc I didn’t think it would do much for me#lot of effort and money and healing for not as drastic a change. wouldn’t solve my biggest bottom dysphoria issues#however. starting to think it could be the middle ground I’m looking for as a gnc/genderfluid person#it would be less surgeries. less complicated n expensive. less changes to my current anatomy#esp if I don’t do everything you Can do w meta. I could do like half of all that or less#I don’t wanna risk giving up the things I can do now without knowing if I’ll enjoy the new possibilities#but this could be a way to just kinda feel more affirmed without it changing my life all that much#I think just the act of undergoing bottom surgery would be affirming. like I’ve done Everything I’m a binary male thru and thru. transexual#and I wouldn’t have to keep wondering if I’ll do it someday or if I should#not that I can any time soon I’m uninsured. insurance prob wouldn’t even cover it#but just. the more I look into it and think abt it + the more serious my relationship gets the more I lean towards it#my partner talking increasingly abt wanting bottom surgery asap is influencing me too ngl not even in a jealousy way#just. I can’t deal w the possibility of a partners phallo fucking up my relationship w my body Again. I would need to know what I want#man. I can’t even go to therapy to talk thru it. on account of being uninsured#mine#txt#personal
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SHE WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME?!?!?!?!?!
#OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM GONNA KILL THIS BITCH MYSELF#IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FUCKING GUY MAN I NEED HIM GONE#quinn’s bastard bitchass is lucky i’m not there bc when i tell you i’d kick his ass into the next millennium#I BETTER GET THE AUDIO OF DARLIN FUCKING QUINN UP IDC IDC I NEED IT FOR ME#THERAPY IS EXPENSIVE THE POTENTIAL AUDIO OF DARLIN FUCKING UP QUINN IS FUCKING FREE & I NEED IT ASAP#redacted asmr
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so i've seen my therapist for 3 sessions now which isn't a lot but I think it's enough to say there is just something really refreshing about working with an explicitly queer positive/affirming therapist
like i did not realize how much weight i was bringing to my old sessions, of doing the mental arithmetic of "how can i explain this in the way a Straight Man will understand" and now it's just easy to...speak. and express myself as unflinching and honest as i want to be
is very nice
#chocolate life#personal#so far i've ended very session crying over the trauma we've unearthed this week#but its good. feels cathartic.#cant wait till we can dive more into the work of dealing with what we're unburying right now#but i really appreciate her approach. my past experiences w therapy have been very...rushed.#like we only have x sessions so we have to get to the point where ur Fixed Now asap#which is probably why it never seems to stick once i stop going#but this time rlly feels like i have the luxury of taking as long as i need
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Songs for Wei Wuxian
Take me to Church - Hozier
Another Story - The Head and The Heart
Ashes - Celine Dion
What Was I Made For - Bille Ellish
Loveable - Jo Yuri
Nap of Star - TXT
The Truth Untold - BTS
Start Again - One Republic
Hallelujuh - Kim Feel
Death of a Hero - Alec Benjamin
King - Lauren Aquilina
Home - Gabrielle Aplin
On the Ground - Rose
Dear Moon - IU
Revelation - Troye Sivan
Talk me Down - Troye Sivan
Rise - Katy Perry
Learn to let go - Kesha
Bored - Billie Ellish
Comfort Crowd - Conan Grey
No time To Die - Billie Ellish
#its all sad songs#wei wuxian#song recs#mdzs#the untamed#wei ying#wei wuxian needs therapy#everyone in the untamed needs therapy#currently mdzs has me in a chokehold...send help asap#i love that in fanfic they wei ying more emotions than in canon where he acts as getting stabbed is like anormal wednesday...it is for him#wei ying represses his emotions#he only ever wanted to be good#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#ma dao zu shi
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it's not about that you "have" to get to exercise your autonomy. b/c like, yes you do, but not in the way that "if i don't get to do that Now i will explode & evaporate (& die)" which is what people keep leveraging to be like "so you don't have any valid argument for getting to act out your own choices"
therein is another issue of "why do you need a 'valid argument' to get Exceptions as ruled by this person to exist autonomously, unpunished" like why's this person an authority who gets to punish you. nonrhetorically, why do you have to appeal to their maybe possibly deciding to Let you be a person. should you "have" to.
and if you don't get that Permission that you supposedly "have" to get, you also will not immediately explode and die if you do that unpermitted thing, but shocking how "you don't Haaaave to" is only invoked re: things you want to do for yourself, and not what they want you to do for them....because it's Not Really About "Literally literally Haaaaving to"
the alignment between people getting on one for years about asexuality, and while doing so maxing out the saturation on their bullshit on any & everything, b/c you're just getting into anti autonomy, so ofc you're also just stoking & expressing "arguments" against autonomy that are deployed in plenty of other contexts, including against other queer identities....and that particular resonance with biphobia & transphobia, and how either groups are theoretically thwarting the Truest Gays because how will we have a valid argument against the truest cishets agenda if we can't convince them we haaaaaave to be like this instead of that no, we won't explode & die if we have to be repressed or at least closeted another day, and another, and you won't explode after another, either, etc. rather than thee point of "asexuality autonomy = queer autonomy = Your queer autonomy = Anyone's Autonomy" and "why do we 'have' to Convince anyone to go 'oh alriiiight' abt one's choices about how they express their identity, what decisions they make about having sex"....it's about anyone having the power to preclude & restrict others' autonomy & constrain their existence between one kind of more imminent, immediate harm/death & a more drawn out one where you exist as a resource for others' use but at least you aren't Literally dead today. so what if someone's saying "well i don't think your gender/sexuality stuff is Real" so long as they can't get in the way of other people living that out anyways. so what if someone's supposedly like "well, but everyone could be bi" (which they don't. just like ppl were never 'pretending' to be asexual to nefariously stand around in the queer space that never rigorously vetted everyone anyways? Making Up A Guy To Get Mad At) to supposedly argue that if all of you are bi you can just restrict yourself to the Cishet Appearing manifestations (which they don't) where what's that even matter if this [guy to get mad at] can't make that anyone else's problem? if he can, why can he. should he be able to. that's the problem, not "have we all tried the constant biphobia wherein they're always thwarting & sabotaging the rest of us?? like how trans people are keeping us from being legitimate?? with the opportunity for some trans people to also try declaring other noncis people Not Legitimately Trans?? well the cishet agenda loves asexuals, actually, they want everyone to never have sex ever (they don't want that, and that's not what being asexual is)"
using the "you can't Know through Direct Perception or extrasensory phenomena what someone else's Thoughts And Feelings are" both ways; wherein their assertion of their intentions, true or not, gets to be treated as an assertion of Reality, meanwhile b/c Your intentions/thoughts/feelings can't be directly observed, you're just lying or exaggerating or misremembering or failing to Express yourself correctly b/c they would've surely interpreted it correctly otherwise, or [anything else] re: your inner experiences that you can't "prove" are one way or another, so this other person gets to always decide for themself what they must be (why?) and if they just so happen to decide they Must be in alignment with what they want (good) or unacceptably, evilly, incorrectly Against Them, they also get to flex their control over the entire situation via their Authority / control over resources / the person's lack of other options b/c of isolation & that, say, breaking away from a family, job, marriage or just deemed correctly romantic relationship, is punished by the larger system of How Things Are, through a lack of resources that makes you more vulnerable in general as well as vulnerable to further punishment in how you might try to respond to that situation, through the general stance that maintaining cohesion of a Unit like the nuclear family, the "romantic" "man"/"woman" couple, is good, so breaking from it is deviant........anyways it's like. if you're like "well i'm having sex b/c i want to" and someone is like "well i say YOURE LYING" like, what? "isn't there someone you forgot to ask" shit. why should that get to affect things. whether you're like "oh no. what if they could say 'you're lying...b/c how do i knowwww you're not BI. where you could want to have sex with someone BESIDES this one person rn?? or ACE??? if you Don't have sex rn and you Don't explode and die 5 min later we will Know you Could Be Asexual" like, this isn't how it works anyways obviously but theoretically if it did: we would not be like "oh sorry guess that's what matters" unless what mattered was some people's being lower on a hierarchy and at the quite literal disposal of those with more power than them. what would the crisis be of someone going "well i think. every gay person? is bi" or someone going "you've just told me your name is gloria but i think your name is actually tetris...." or "i'm so embarrassed i wish everyone but me was dead" if none of these things can hinder the existence of people having sex w/autonomy for all involved or people getting to tell you their name or all other people being alive
the banger quote on my imdb page was saying "no, i don't 'Have' to, but i'm going to" to an authoritarian in my life, concluding several minutes' "negotiation" of [i 'have' to hang up on this call now b/c the movie i'm standing in this movie theater to see is about to start. no i won't explode and die if i don't. i also won't explode and die if i don't keep "talking" to you (being Talked At / lectured & upbraided from afar)] funny how that works. i also Know this was a checkmate b/c that person gave up on responding (or, technically, switched to The Silent Treatment, which worked even worse via phone than in person) and i did hang up rather than miss the movie i showed up for and then they had to resort to Other Methods: telling someone willing to take on the enabling cop mode that i had Essentially said Go Fuck Yourself. like well that's right, and the fact that it's a "go fuck yourself" to get to say "i am going to end the call b/c i choose to do something else" and then actually do so is a real testament to this relationship. and if one had said "i can't keep talking, i have to go" and someone's like "sldfj you mean thou MAY not keep talking" teehee i don't know, CAN you have the peas????? it's like this obviously doesn't matter. i can choose to do shit and choose to not do shit without exploding and dying right this very second, except for taking 5 sec to eat a deadly bomb with a timer set for 5 sec. This Is Not The Point. why is autonomy off-limits to Anyone.
#authoritarian parent whose silent treatments fail: anti crossdressing household law will get everyone to stop inconveniently Being People#spoilers: i continue to be a real life person; nonbinary; autistic; i continue to not engage in a relationship w/that parent b/c#Their choice was to have that relationship be the authority & the property. so the response to that: not being in that situation.#creating that kind of relationship & then being like ''why don't i get the Benefits of a different kind of relationship that is defined by#everyone being recognized as people and having actual positive experiences and legitimately Wanting to interact :(''#the autonomy to Not do something b/c you don't want to = the autonomy to Totally do something b/c you do want to#hence the idea of the True / Ideal Homosexual being ''but i Must Only have gay sex or i'll explode & die'' vs ''i feel like having gay sex'#yeah we ''could'' all be forced into binary genders & nuclear family units & be miserable & isolated but not literally explode.#but why should we. why would we. why can't we Not do that#hence as well that queer autonomy=everyone's autonomy. ppl who id as cishet? don't need to be Forced into that or into Awful Marriage Asap#but they do if we wanna isolate everyone / eliminate broader social support networks / restrict the autonomy to do anything else#asexuality handshake bisexuality. parallel to aromanticism handshake polyamory#and the backup to ''well but you won't literally die'' is to preclude Choice entirely by diverting the focus from [questioning ur choices]#to [questioning whether you have the capacity to make choices] as an extension. lens on ableism / disability justice is in Everything#not in like a ''huh. who'd've thought that overlapped'' Fun Fact way but in [you don't Understand that issue fully if you don't see ableism#someone's always getting to justify their authority by their Superior Ability vs others' Inferior/Absent Ability#saw that zany ''radical queer theory based on vibes is now that asexuals aren't queer'' streak definitely manifest ableism#a good ol fashioned ''asexuals won't consider What's Wrong With Them / try harder to seek some conversion therapy'' great stuff gang#or even more useless declarations of ''haha but most people Aren't ace. it's not Normal to not want to have sex. checkmate?''#and what is your conclusion to that logic? ended up in ''ace ppl. are cringe!! & maybe not real!!!'' aaand what do we do with that?#what praytell do you suggest change based on that. how has that exclusionist analysis served queer lives. how is it continuing to do so.#versus like and who cares if everyone Could possibly all be labeled bi if what is In Practice anyways is ppl getting to have sex or Not how#they want to anyways. recognizing that Any trans person's existence is a testament to Everyone's autonomy#any ''threat'' to children is always guaranteed abt the Threat to [parents' control to decide Who & What a child gets to be]#that is; ''protecting'' children is abt the child being the property of parents. gotta protect That by withholding all info about trans ppl#even existing from kids b/c Property can't decide their identities for themselves so Children can't be allowed to either#their even knowing that some people Do get to exist autonomously is; indeed; that ''threat'' to the [child is property] order#and Language as Possibility. it's the 2010s & you can only go ''that's me i'm nonbinary'' when you learn abt the word ''nonbinary''#even though you can then know you always knew but you didn't have the word so you had to keep on using other; more inaccurate words....#discovering the tree trunk of [word: Autistic] that roots all these branches of ppl talking abt Experiences & now Realizing Things....
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sibling got home while i was going downstairs for smthn and i thought 2 myself wow hey they'll probably think my New Shirt is cool :) or something :) so i was like Hey [Name] Look At This Shirt That I Got!! and once they read the text on it they just said "oh brother" quoting-spongebob voice. and i could feel the rsd rolling a disco elysium skill check in my head 5 - 6 [Trivial: Success] Wow Everyone In This House Hates Me I Actually Need To Kill Myself
#vent#<- an interesting tag for me to do because i dont do vent posts normally. And Yet. i wanted to get it off my mind and put it Somewhere#i dont know man i reflect on my behavior and its like yeah probably my family reacting to my interests like this#probably a big indicator of why i'm so scared of everything all of the time#. god i need therapy#id elaborate more but my gf just got here and she is about to be so so annoying about needing to watch the newest ep of invincible asap#and i dont have the energy to Speculate Myself On The Internet when im abt to deal with that. yay i hate being alive
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my sister (almost) got hospitalized today too .. isnt there only supposed to be one mentally ill sibling in the family </3
#shes ok now btw👍#but we're def gonna be looking to get her in therapy asap etc#i didnt get any sleep tonight#oh well .. ill nap later if i need to
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i forgot i wasnt out to my parents and my mom mentioned an elegible bachelor for me i almost jumped out of my seat
#i was like... girl what i thought u knew#i need to get a gf asap so i can just come out to everyone#or go to therapy thats another option lol#diary
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