#they need to 'correct the language' or some stupid shit

[rafesslxt]

What are friends for? | Theodore Nott

summary: y/n and theo are best friends. she need‘s a little help to make a boy jealous, who ignores her. so what are friend for if not for helping each other?

warning: smut, smoking, drinking, best friends to lovers, unprotected p in v, fingering, oral

words: 3,7k

notes: my first smut!! english is not my first language, tell me If there is something to correct, I don‘t speak italian I used a translator, request are open 🫶🏻✨

have fun reading <3

— ✨

" It's like I'm not even there anymore! " I huffed and let my body fall onto Pansy's bed. " Maybe Blaise needs a little reminder that you're not some toy to play with. Show him that there are plenty of boys who want a piece of you. " She was right, but I couldn't bring it over my heart to led one poor guy on just to make Blaise jealous. We ain't even official. We just went on some dates and I thought that he really liked me, but now he ghost me at every chance he gets.

" I don't want to break a heart just for that. He's not worth it. Maybe I should jut let it - " " No no no! I have an idea! Why don't you ask one of the boys?" Pansy asked, right on point because a second later, Mattheo came into Pansy's room. " Whats up? Playing all by yourselfs?" he teased and threw his bag into the corner of the room. " We need somebody for y/n to make Blaise jealous. He acts like a total ass!" He raised his eyebrows and looked at me.

" Why don't you ask Theo? Think he would be perfect for that." he smiled at me and then at Pansy. " Oh my god yes! That's a win win! You totally liked him a few months ago!" Pansy babbled out. " Pansy!" Mattheo's grin widened. " Really? Well, then I think he's more than perfect."

I sighed and stood up. " I can't ask him. What If he say's no? That would be so embarrassing and I don't want him to think I'm that desperate."

To be honest, I still liked Theodore more than any other guy. We were best friends since we first saw each other when we got sorted into our houses. It clicked instantly. And the older we got, the more of a crush developed inside of me for him. I'm just scared that he doesn't like me as much as I like him. What If he thinks this is weird and cuts our friendship? So I just kept it for myself, and Pansy.. and now Mattheo. 

" Hey why are you all in Pansy's room? I was looking for ya'll." All the hairs on my body raised when I heard his voice coming through the door. " Oh you know, we were just talking about the party tonight and how Y/n is looking for a date." Pansy answered him before I could even say something.

" A date? " he asked irritated. " What about Blaise? Thought you had something going on with him?" And again, before I could answer, Pansy did. " Oh he is a total and stupid ass! He ghosts her so we need a new one to make him jealous. But good you are here now." She smiled at her last own words.

" What do you mean by that? " he asked suspicious of her words. " Come on Mattheo, let's go I'm hungry."  Both of them left the room, but not before Mattheo winked at me. " What the hell are they talking about?" Shit, I can't do this. I’m already freaking out inside, how am I supposed to ask him for such a favor?

" Bella, what is it? Are you okay?" he asked and sat beside me on the bed. " Uhm you know.. like Pansy said I - I need someone for the party. " I looked up at him, he always looked so confident and handsome. " And Blaise is going to be there and Pansy thought - I mean you know Pansy - " I tried to laugh it off. " She thinks it would be good for me to show Blaise that there are other boys that want me." I cringed at my own words. Damn, but everybody in our friendgroup knew how I got a love letter like every week from a new boy. " Why don't you ask one then?"

" That's the thing, I don't want to hurt somebody just to get my way. And I don't think I would be that comfortable with a boy I don't really - " "Then let me do it." My jaw almost fell to the floor. " What? " " Yeah why not? We know each other since first grade, you're my best friend and I would love to see that pissed off look on his stupid face." " Wow, uhm okay - uh let's discuss this while eating with Pansy and Mattheo, yeah?" " Fine for me."

We found our friends at the table in the hall, already eating. I told them how Theo would help me and asked for ideas, cause to be honest, I didn't have one fucking Idea how to do this.

" But let me tell you, I'm not in for the soft shit, that won't work on him." Theo said to our surprise. " Yeah that's my boy!" Mattheo cheered and shook his shoulder. " Oh I got it! Listen up!" Pansy said and told us her plan.

At the party

To say I was frustrated was understated. I did everything Pansy told me. I was close to Theo all the time, his hands around me, all over me. Which gave me such a hard time to concentrate on the real mission. We danced closely, he whispered words into my ear, making me giggle, but nothing worked. And If nothing worked, I had to face Theo's Plan for the night.

But let me tell you, I'm not in for the soft shit, that won't work on him. 

The party went well, but it got later and later and more and more of the students went to sleep. Theo kept giving me looks that were supposed to tell me it was time, but I was way too nervous. Another hour went by and it was just Pansy, Mattheo, Draco, Enzo, Blaise and some girl he had brought from Ravenclaw, in the room. They all sat by the fireplace, spread out on the couch and floor. There where 2 couches, one with Blaise and his new girl and Draco on it. On the floor Enzo and Pansy. Mattheo sat on the second couch.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Blaise close with a brunette, her sitting on his lap and giggling. My whole body got hot from anger.

I searched for one specific person in the room. And when I saw him, our final plan was set. Firewhiskey in my hand, i emptied like a pro the set my nerves free.

I rushed towards my best friend and grabbed him by his shirt, dragging him with me to the couch Mattheo sat on before he could even think about it. " Woah, not that I'm complaining or anything but what has gotten into you?" he asked.

" Do you see that?" I said and stopped. I nodded over to Blaise and the girl, who was whispering something into his ear. " What the fuck.." Theo said in confusion. "I know! That fucker has the audacity to ghost me all day and then this shit? No no no. Definetly Plan B."

" And how do you want to do it exactly?“ he asked. " I want you to fuck him out of my head If he‘s not talking to me." Yeah, that was 100% the firewhiskey. But Theo didn’t even protest. We arrived at the couch and sat down together.

Pansy lit up a J in her hands and started to smoke. " Where is Enzo? He wanted to share." Kiara asked Mattheo after taking her first big drag. " If you want to I share with you." I said before thinking about it. Theo‘s head shot in my direction. " You sure? That's the muggle stuff, hits a little bit harder. "

" I want some too." Draco interrupted. " Yeah I'm sure. Give me some after Draco. " Theo didn't stop looking at me. He knew that I tried smoking a view months ago but he also knew that I didn't like taking drugs. After Dray took his first puff, he gave it to me. He coughed a litte bit. After I took it from him he lets himself fall against the armrest of the couch.

I took one strong pull, inhaled it deep into my lungs and exhaled it after a few seconds without coughing. " Wow that was impressive." Pansy laughed as she saw how I smoked without one little cough. I gave it to Mattheo, knowing he liked to smoke sometimes.

We shared it for a few minutes until it was done. I felt a hand on my thigh, playing with the hem of my skirt. I looked at Theo who already looked at me and lowered his head to my ear.

 " You know I would love to have you all for myself but do you think that's a good idea? What If it does not work and you regret it?" I got closer to his face, almost touching his lips with mine. " Then I'm so done with him. I tried everything, and every time he finds a way to fuck it up, so yes Theo, I am sure. And If you don't want to take me upstairs and fuck my soul out of my body I will find someone else to do it, so? " He licked his lips and scanned my whole face to make sure If I'm 100 percent sure. 

" Distruggerò il tuo piccolo corpo perfetto, principessa. " ( I'm gonna destroy that perfect little body of yours, princess. ) he growled smiling devilish. "I still can speak italian, Theo."

He slammed his lips into mine and put his hands all over my body. I moaned into his mouth, which turned him on even more. He scooped his hands under my ass and sat me on his lap, where I could feel how hard he already was. " Did my words affect you that much huh?" I smiled at him which he just returned with pressing his hips into mine even more. 

" One part of me hopes it all works out and you get happy and shit, the other part of me hopes he stay's an idiot so I can have you to myself. " he admitted quiet, just for my ears to hear.

" You love the affect you're having on me right?" I just nodded with my head and started to grind painfully slow on him. To be honest after smoking that J with them, I kind of lost my shame, knowing they were probably knocked out already, which means they didn't give a fuck about me and Theo grinding on each other. I couldn't see Blaise’s face as my back was in front of him, but I hoped he would just feel as angry as I did. I swung my hair over my shoulder, where I saw Pansy and Draco getting out of the common room, Pansy winking at me.

" Continue doing that and I'm gonna fuck you right in front of him." " You wouldn't" I dared him, but I should have known better to be honest.

He grabbed me by my waist and crashed me with my back into the couch, getting on top of me. " What did you say?" I smiled sheepishly at him as he lowered his head to my neck where he started to place soft kisses all over my already hot skin. " Okay lovebirds, I'm gonna go and find Enzo." Mattheo said, being the only one left. " Have fun y/n. " he smiled and winked at me just like Pansy did. While Theo started to place his hand slowly under my skirt I turned my head in Blaise’s direction.

That son of a bitch started to make out with her, hands on her ass but his eyes concentrated on me. I moaned loud enough for him to hear as Theo's second hand wrapped around my neck. Blaise groped that girl harder, pressing her hips against his, never losing eye contact with me.

Funny thing was, I knew he didn't enjoy it that much, you could see it on his face. Me on the other hand, I really was enjoying myself. Theo knew all the right spots on my body, even tho a few hours ago I wished it was Blaise instead. I hissed when he sucked on my left boob, which was almost exposed due to my excuse of a top.

My eyes fixed on Blaise again, until Theo turned my head to his face. " How far do you want me to go ? Because I meant what I said, I would fuck you into this couch for hours while he's watching." he asked a little bit quieter. My breathing was heavy, clearly turned on. " Fuck I don't know. He's watching me the whole time I don't think he's gonna keep that facade up for long." " That was not my question, amore." " I trust you Theodore." For a moment I looked at him and saw my best friend again. " But If he doesn't stop it with her, I won't too. So do whatever you want." I smiled at his expression, completely turned on by now and ready to give it all.

" You're gonna regret that." he whispered against my lips before he took my lip between his teeth, making me moan and shake. I closed my eyes and tried not to think too much of Blaise anymore. If he wanted me, he would say something, but I'm not the one who's gonna back down.

"Sei proprio un puttana per me." ( You are such a little whore for me. ) I smiled at his dirty words.

His right hand was already under my skirt, his left hand now cupped my left boob under my top, playing with my nipple. " Fuck Theo, please." I whimpered, arching my back. My hands wandered under his shirt and over his hard abs. Damn, he really was made by the gods.

At that point Blaise was long forgotten and my longing for Theo got bigger by any second. " What do you want, principessa? " His right hand left my skirt to pull my top completely down, so anyone who would pass by, could see me half naked. His lips wandered just above my right nipple. " What do you want, y/n?" he asked again. " Y-your mouth.. want your mouth o-on me - oh yes." I groaned as he wrapped his plump lips around my nipple, sucking and licking it. He was so good at what he did, I almost didn't notice Blaise standing up und leaving the fireplace. 

Theo did too and stopped to my dismiss. " Do you want to stop?" he asked, out of breath, clearly turned on too. " Hell no, I want you to fuck me Theo, please." " Shit I love it when you beg, beg more and maybe I'm gonna give you what you want."

I swallowed all my pride and let go. " Please fuck me Theo, I want to feel you. I wanna feel your lips all over me, please. I'm so hot I can't take it anymore. Just do something." That was all he needed to hear from me. He janked my skirt down my legs and threw it across the place.

His face now in front of my throbbing pussy. " Fuck, you're all wet, just for me huh?" He pressed his lips against my clit, covered by my panties. My brain stopped working from there on. " You smell so fucking good. Such a little slut, letting me touch you in the middle of the common room. You like that? You like the risk at getting caught? " He teared my panties apart and threw them to my skirt. " Theo! They were new!" I frowned.

" After that we're gonna sneek out tomorrow and I'll buy you everything you want as long as you wear it only for me." I nodded and whimpered again as his head came closer and closer to my heat. I wiggled in his grip, crazy for some kind of friction. Finally he started to lick my pulsing clit in a fast rhythm, making me scream his name. " Shit, just like that! " I gripped his soft hair, pressing his face harder into my pussy.

" I wish you would have asked me sooner to help you, your pussy tastes so good I never want to taste something else in my entire life." he mumbled against my hot skin. My heart throbbed too at his words. Not long after that, he started to suck hard on my clit, fingering my hole to prepare it.

My stomach twisted and I felt a strong feeling inside of me. He must have felt it too 'cause he moved his mouth and fingers even faster now. " Are you coming? Fuck, come on my tongue baby, please." he whimpered slightly which gave me the rest and so I came hard, my whole body twitching snd shaking again. He groaned at the taste and pulled himself up again, smiling at me. " That was good?" he asked and kissed me before I could answer, making me taste myself on his lips.

I felt him again against my leg. " I want to make you feel good too." I whispered as my hand slid down his jeans, pressing it against him. He groaned and the feeling, letting his head fall down. With my other hand I opened his Jeans and pulled it down with his help.

" I'm so hard because of you. Can't even think about something else but fucking you into this couch all night long. " " Then do it, fuck me stupid." I said grinning.

He took off his boxer and positioned himself at my entrance. He looked at me to make sure I was ready. "Please, can't wait any longer too." He rubbed his tip against my clit, which was still sensitive from my last orgasm. "Hmm Theo, I need you inside of me, now."

"Turn around, I want to fuck you from behind. Wanna see that ass." I turned around and got on all fours. " Yeah just like that.. now ass up and face down principessa." I did as he told me and waited for his touch again.

" God I wish I could frame this sight right into my head forever." he mumbled and took his cock into his hands, rubbing it against my clit again, spreeding all the wetness. I inhaled sharply as he pressed his cock into me. I wrapped my arms around the cushions beside my head, moaning loudly. " Fuck yes, that tight little pussy feels so good, all for me, right?" he asked me but I was so knocked out inside my head that I didn't answer. Until I felt a sharp sting on my ass. He fucking slapped my ass, making me moan again. "Yes!"

" Shit, you like that? " he slapped my ass again, harder this time and started moving faster, making my ass slap against his hips. I screamed at the feeling of him reaching my g spot." Oh my god yes Theo, right there!" He fucked me like there was no tomorrow, wrapping his hand around my throat and pressing his cheek against mine.

" I want you to never look or even think of that motherfucker again, you understand? It's me who fucks you like this. It's me whose name you're screaming into the cushions which are laying on the couch, that I'm fucking you right now into. Every time from now on you come to me If you want your tight little pussy fucked. Do. You. Under. Stand?" he asked with each thrust. 

" Oh bella I feel you squirming around my cock, are you close again? Did that turn you on? You like being manhandled like that?" "Hmm y-yes please make me come again. I need it so bad." I knew I couldn't hold it for any longer. I was so close to my second orgasm.

" Beg me to cum baby, come on. Beg me and I'll let you come so hard you'll see stars." I was away just a few moment from my high, feeling it in my stomach again. " Oh my god Theo please fuck me! Make me cum p-please!" " Who is making you cum baby ? Tell me! Scream as loud as you can, that bastard shall hear  you coming on my dick." He started to draw circles on my clit and tightened his hand around my throat which pushed me over the line a second time. " It's you Theo, it was alway you, fuck!" I cried out.

My orgasm hit me so hard, that I in fact, saw black and little stars before my eyes. " Mgh fuck- I'm gonna fucking explode all over you. " I clenched around him which made him finally cum. " Fuuck.." he let his head fall in my neck und jerked his cock in his hand until he came all over my ass and back. He had cum on his fingers, holding it in front of my mouth. " Open up, amore."

I did as he told me to and opened my mouth, sucking on his cum covered fingers. His lips slightly parted as he watched me. " I am so not ready with you. Next round's in the shower. " he smirked as he wiped his cum off me with his shirt.

" I meant what I said, it was always you. " I said softly, hoping he would finally admit his feelings for me. " Really? Are you sure it wasn't just so Blaise would - " " No Theo - " I started to turn around, facing him again. " I liked you way before Blaise, I was just scared that you wouldn't feel the same for me. I tried to forget you and move on, so I started this thing with Blaise. But my heart always wanted you. "

"Allora lascia che io abbia il tuo cuore per sempre." (Then let me have your heart forever.) He kissed me softly, holding my face in both his hands. 

"Ti amo." ( I love you. )

"Anch'io ti amo, cara mia. " ( I love you too, my dear. )

—

hope u liked reading it, thankful for every like. 🫶🏻

My request are open If you‘re interested.

xoxo sarah 🤍

[rocketbirdie]

YOU. You are correct about Cloud Strife. Everything you say about him is CORRECT

Hi I'm going to use your ask as an opportunity to go on an unhinged tangent about him below the cut.

I believe that EVERYTHING about Cloud Strife as a character makes total sense once you realize: it's autism.

Here's a character whose entire arc revolves around the erosion of his identity and his desperate attempts to adhere to an ideal image, at the expense of his own wellbeing; and how self acceptance is the thing that brings him back from the edge of despair.

Youtube theorycrafters waste hours of their lives trying to piece together Cloud's psyche, when the answer is just... autism. It really is that simple. I will die on this goddamn hill.

In Trace of Two Pasts, we learn that even as a toddler, Cloud really was just... like that. Unemotive and awkward. And the entire lifestream sequence in the OG shows us a young Cloud who behaves in baffling ways. Tifa and her friends invited Cloud into their group, but he rejected their friendship while simultaneously harboring a seething jealousy. How the heck does that work, huh?

Viewing this through the Autism Lens™️, his approach make way more sense. Fearing his own inability to read and reciprocate their intentions, he pushes them away, and the resulting loneliness crushes him. He mistakes that loneliness for anger. He turns that anger outwards and gets into fights. Because the other kids don't understand him, Cloud sees them as stupid and immature. It's the perfect recipe for disastrous distrust. The tragic result is that, when Tifa gets into her accident, Cloud is immediately blamed by kids AND adults. He's seen as inherently dangerous and unpredictable, even though he did nothing wrong. It's like they were already looking for the perfect excuse to hate him.

The worst part is, because he struggles to articulate his own thoughts and feelings, he starts to just... accept what other people say about him. He's a pain in the ass. He's a selfish brat. He could try being a bit nicer. Any attempt that he makes to argue, backfires and proves their points even more. He's being childish. He needs to get his shit together. Nothing's ever good enough for him. He stops fighting it and lets people drag him around and violate his boundaries, because no matter how loud he yells or how intelligently he argues, nothing he says ever reaches their ears. He trims away more and more of himself to try and appease others and nurse the constant emotional pain. (And that's not even addressing the entire traumatic *waves hands* everything that he's gone through by the time he reaches Midgar! That would have to be its own tangent lol.)

It's hard to watch as a player; the secondhand embarrassment of Cloud's social blunders is immense. Some people don't like Cloud as a video game protagonist, which is perfectly valid. But a lot of times, they justify their opinion by perpetuating the same damaging language. He's an asshole, he's a weirdo, he hates people. The irony would be hilarious if it wasn't so frustrating. I know Cloud is just a fictional character, he doesn't need to be defended from harsh criticisms. But I can't help but wonder what these players think about the "weird people-hating assholes" that they meet in real life.

It also makes me wonder if they were even paying attention. I think the games make it pretty damn obvious what's going on. He's an asshole because other characters treat him like one before they even get to know him. He hates people because he doesn't understand them, and they don't even try to understand him. He's a weirdo because he has a strange way of showing how deeply he loves and cares, and he's afraid that his love will be misinterpreted like every other emotion he's ever dared to show.

The autism is everywhere. It permeates his entire being. It's in his silly responses when he takes things too literally. It's in his painfully practical way with words. It's in the stiff expressionless look and the flat tone of voice. It's in him constantly adjusting his gloves, shifting his weight, looking down at his feet. It's in his questionable idea of what you're supposed to do with your body at a yoga session. It's in the half a dozen flustered high fives, it's in the motion sickness. It's in the contagious eagerness with his special interests in SOLDIER and materia and chocobos.

It's in the moments where the facade crumbles and we get to see the real Cloud, the one that Aerith knew was in there— the one that Tifa finds in the lifestream— the one that Zack gave his life for— the Cloud that cherishes the whole world. He's got so much of everything inside of his heart, and he doesn't know how to get it out. You'd be a weird asshole about it, too.

[karlachismylife]

i told myself i'll take a break in my failing attempts to write a couple things on Karlach x Soap in english and go back to writing a couple other things in my first language for the upcoming fandom combat deadline

so here's a thing i wrote instead and it's neither of those :D

Very much inspired by my precious friend that is obsessed with some datesim I know nothing about and talks my ear off about her sexy chinese dudes while I make her listen to me simping for my dead scottish ADHD meow meow. We don't know shit about each other's fandoms but we're so excited for each other... Also excuse me if this idea has already been done (I swear I thought of it on my own, but I will tag anyone who's done this before if you send me a link) + my English writing still sucks.

I also encourage you to check out these smaus, they're brilliant and I somewhat looked at them when wrote Kyle's text messages and this wonderful thing about Ghost and Animal Crossing that also inspired me to look into these silly military men and mobile/video games.

Task force 141 and their reaction to their S/O playing dating simulator games

CW: gn!civilian!reader (if I slipped into one or the other gender somewhere, please tell me & I'll correct), mostly fluff with a bit of spice, pet names, mild cursing, unserious jealousy and banter, long-distance (Gaz), describing nudes and mild sexting (Gaz), soft Ghost, mentioned spanking (Price), mild dom!Price, alluded reader recieveing fingerng and oral (Soap)

Word count: ~5k

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

That silly app you downloaded because its (very compelling) ads were repeatedly shoved in your face became surprisingly convenient when Gaz got deployed and wasn't within reach for weeks. A slightly clay-looking guy on your screen didn't hold up in comparison to the smoothest bastard sergeant with the tightest grip on your heart, but a cute feature with app notifications stylized as loving text messages from the virtual boyfriend somehow helped cope with the radio silence from Kyle. You knew he would be fine, how could he not? You gave him a very proper goodbye kiss (and goodbye sex that was a bit more improper) for luck, and he was too damn good at his job to fail. You weren't going insane from worry, at least not more than usually.

But the loneliness, the fucking loneliness was a little bit more bearable when you still got your "good morning beautiful xx" and "thinking about you before bed" even though the font was wacky and some phrases were clearly poorly google translated. To unlock these little snippets you opened the app every day, usually tapping mindlessly on all the required interactions before going to sleep and eyeing some of the ingame wardrobe options that wouldn't work too bad on your man. In fact, you even took a screenshot of a nice suit - if tailored right, Kyle would look in it sharper than the tactical knife he knew so well. You just needed an opportunity to show it to him.

And the opportunity barged in with a sudden surge of texts right when you were already getting ready for some shut-eye.

Three weeks of muffled unease wiped out and replaced with that never-tiring giddy feeling bubbling inside as soon as you saw Kyle's name pop up on top of your screen.

"hi baby"

"finally can text, miss you terribly 😘"

"what are you up to angel?"

You could feel your own cheeks strain with the stupid smile plastered on your face. No doubt, Kyle texted you at the first opportunity - he was there, he was okay and he missed you. All sleepiness in your body withered away, leaving you energized at eleven pm, squirming in your bed as you rolled over to start vigorously typing back. You never knew how much time you both have to chat, unstable signal or simply never-ending duty could interrupt you at any given moment, so you had to get your fill of premium class Garrick right there and then - no matter how drowsy it would make you the next morning.

Eventually you sent him the screenshot you took without second thoughts:

"btw thought you'd look good in smth like this baby, what do you think?"

Instead of a normal reply on the topic, though, you recieved an immediate jab followed by short pause:

"the fuck is that baby? 🤣"

"wait i think i know"

"replacing me with a vr boyfriend already? jesus fuck angel i haven't been away even for a month"

"i'm wounded, truly. he doesn't even look that good and can't spell correctly. what a downgrade ����"

If only you could communicate the muscle-straining eyeroll you had through text. Chuckling and snorting, you immediately came to defence of your pixel prince charming, simply for the sake of it.

"how dare you. he's not a mere replacement, this is true love, garrick 💕🥰❤️✨"

"look at the top, we're already level 29 intimacy"

"gonna get him to send me nudes soon, they unlock at lvl 30"

Gaz could probably hear your bratty giggles on the other side of the globe, sheets rustling as you wiggled in your bed, absolutely proud of your impeccably fine-tuned wit and properly excited for the upcoming smartass comeback, since Kyle would rather die than let you have a win. But you've already calmed down with your cheeks mildly flushed, and the messages were still left on read.

Weird. It wasn't the first time your chatting ended abruptly, but usually Kyle had time at least to tell you he had to go - maybe even exchange little "ily"s. Did the signal cut off? But it was good enough for him to download a picture even, surely he'd notice if it started lagging and tell you. Did something bad happen? An emergency? An ambush?

A slight frown etched in your face as you started unwillingly thinking of the worst. Then - in a moment - that little green circle signaling Gaz was online came back. And still no answer.

Did he... get actually upset? Over a fucking datesim app?

It was hard to believe. Impossible, even. Kyle was never prone to jealosy fits, smug bastard definitely knew how secure you two were. But maybe... maybe it was the fact that you were seeking comfort he couldn't provide? Being told you needed a whole ass app simply to tell you goodnight while he was god knows where, unable to hold you and cuddle you to sleep - that could sting.

Shit, you shouldn't have started this. Gaz wouldn't outright admit he felt even the slightest bit insecure over an unblinking 3D monstrosity with a sexy Korean voice. He'd think it was stupid - and he would be right, frankly, but in this case this wasn't completely unreasonable.

Already anxious, you put your thumbs back on the phone to type out a careful question, but before you could even think of a right way to formulate it the chat chirped and loaded in a bunch of attachments.

Absolutely scandalous. Hastly unndone uniform, sweaty shirt pulled up and - you knew it even if it was outside the frame - clutched in his teeth, bared in a self-assured smirk, belt unbuckled and hanging from the loops of pants pulled down just a bit; just enough for his hand to slip inside and gather into a delicious grasp around the bulge you knew was straining against his boxers. Fucking tease, pulling the elastic band with his thumb to let you see just the base of his cock - you had to swipe several mouth-watering closeups on his chest, v-line beautifully adorned with dark hair and that bloody hand you already ached to feel on your thigh, before you finally got your reward. Hard just from the thought of you, tip glistening with the pre-cum he definitely smeared all over specifically for that picture.

"wanted to ask if your pixel bf can beat these"

"but i think your silence already says enough 😏"

You groaned, belly warm with the familiar longing. What an angel of a man, finding time to somehow snap packs of perfect nudes in the middle of wherever he was. Already turning over to slide your hand down your body, you sent a very sulking "hate you garrick. first made me worried and now horny, shameless bastard" and got an obligatory "sure you do. i'll fuck that attitude outta you as soon as i get back angel".

Somehow all the need in a virtual replacement vanished after this chat. Not only did Kyle text you more regularly - sensing a competition maybe, huh? - but you also got yourself enough material to be comforted before sleep. Sure, you'd rather have your man there in person, but no perfect-looking anime prince could offer a view better than Kyle's flexed arms or a cheeky sneak peek of his plump ass and a smooth back arch snapped over his shoulder.

No wonder you two threw yourselves at each other when Gaz finally showed up home, tired and a little roghed up, but very much alive and pent up for you. Once you were done relieving some of that frustration and cuddled up after a nice, hot shower, though, Kyle nipped your earlobe teasingly.

"No such level to unlock this experience, huh, angel? Something your app boytoy can't provide."

He caught your arm before you could elbow him playfully and grasped you tighter aroung your waist, using his free hand to get his phone and hold it in front of your face.

"Besides, I think he likes me more."

"How the fuck did you get to level sixty, Garrick?!"

Simon "Ghost" Riley

"Twilight was peaking how many years ago? And they still have this stupid choice everywhere."

Simon, the unmoving domestic shadow spread in a comfortable sitting position on your couch for the daily quiet together time, turned his head lazily and gently squeezed your thigh, careful not to disturb your legs thrown over his lap as he leaned a bit closer with a mildly interested "Hm?"

"It's this dating game. They're making me choose between a vampire and a werewolf. Can't think of another conflict for the last decade, really? Why not elves versus orcs? They never make stories about sexy orcs. But there's a market for it! Why stick to the same broken record all the time? Or, I don't know, invent beef between fairies and mermaids!" You huffed in exasperation, waving your phone in a vague gesture meant to express your disdain for the lack of creativity in the supernatural romance visual novels department. Ghost's usual intense stare boring into your face could mean anything - from him silently judging you for lacking respect for the culturally impactful vampries-werewolves feud to a wordless question whether you were in the sexy orc enjoyers market.

But when he finally spoke, scarred lips slightly curled upwards in a hint of an amused smile and eyebrows raised, he asked what seemed to catch his attention much more than what fantasy creature you would like to bang.

"A dating game?" His smirk became more prominent, eyes narrowing as an indicator of him looking for a way to quip in the most unbearable way possible. "What's all that about, love?"

The fact that he didn't know wasn't that surprising, you'd be much more astonished if Ghost did know what a dating simulator game was, but the need to explain still caught you off guard, forcing you to pause with the expressive phone gesturing and actually try and describe the phenomenon.

"Well, it's a mobile game, where you, like... have to play through a story with the main thing being befriending and romancing characters. It's mostly reading a story, really, but you get dialogue options to unlock special scenes with your chosen romantic interest or you can give them gifts..." A stolen glance at Simon told you that he was surprsingly paying attention. "But there's often a plot too. The one I started recently is about, well, vampires and werewolves... a Twilight ripoff, basically, but the player gets to be Bella." You paused, gauging his reaction, but other than his calloused fingers kneading the meat of your thigh Ghost didn't even move, leaving you to look at him with suspicion mixed with amusement. "Want me to show you?.."

Finally, his hand stopped its methodical massaging, only to pat your thigh approvingly and help you sit up, cozily snuggled up to the man whose hoodie you shamelessly stole just to wear around him. Wrapping his muscular arm around you, Ghost leaned his head against yours and prepared for the highly educational lecture on the world full of opportunities to get turned down because of having too low approval with the character.

You showed him the exact story that got you so riled up, explained the quite primitive mechanics behind gaining attraction points with the characters and rehashed the entire plot up to the point where you were stuck now - the one where it was obvious the game wanted you to pick a side. Simon listened carefully, gruff chuckles at some of your grumbling and a lot of very insightful commentary on each and every character ("that one's got Johnny's fucking mighty schnotz" and " 'course he's a fucking twat, look at his bloody necktie, a hemp one would be an improvement on 'im"), inculding your own avatar that you spent considerable time making to look like you wanted.

"That supposed to be you, love?" He didn't even try to mask the snarky tone, and you definitely prepared to be offended. You put so much thought into the character looks! So what if they didn't match your real ones fully? It's the game limitations, not your fault. "Hmph. Maybe good enough for these two muppets to fight over. But I reckon I like my version better. Comes with high-quality visuals."

His arm tightened around your shoulders, pulling you up for a short and sweet kiss, rough thumb stroking your jawline tenderly and pressing up under your chin when Ghost pulled away with a crooked smirk, shattered with scars into an artful mosaic.

"Trying to get your approval higher, sir?" You teased, eyes darting between his smiling - what a view, honestly - eyes and ready to be kissed again lips. His response was predictable. "It's working, innit, love? Think there's enough for a special bonus scene yet?"

Despite you clearly pretending to think and count his imaginary attraction points, Simon already started pulling you up into his lap, holding you securely and running his fingers along the curve of your back. "Might need a little more convincing, gamer. You didn't even bring a special gift to this date." Ghost's half-lidded eyes sparkled with hidden competitevness and his chest rumbled with a deep chuckle as he reached out to take your phone out of your hand softly.

"Gave you the hoodie. It counts." Ignoring your not very convincing protests ("It's mine already, of course it doesn't count!"), he tapped something on your screen and then put the phone away, wrapping his arms back around your form and slowly leaning into a tangled cuddlepile in an almost lying position. All your squirming successfully restrained with a bearhug, you huffed and placed your chin on Ghost's chest, looking up at him. He was there, with you, but deep in his gaze you noticed a certain swrling cloud of thoughts. Reading Simon's eyes was a must with him, he knew you could and didn't ever hide them from you.

"What are you thinking about?" You carefully inquired, running your hands over his shoulders and squeezing gently, a habit helping both of you to ease some tension. Simon blinked, tilting his head slightly, and let out a small sigh, seeking the right words. "You're not playing that game because I'm not doing enough, are you, lovie? 'Cos if you are, I'd rather you tell me what's wrong."

Always straight to the point. At least, when he finally decides to speak up. The big, scary dog worried about a silly mobile game as his competition? Cute. But the seriousness in his eyes called for a proper answer, not a teasing joke or a simple "aww, don't worry".

"You're doing more than enough, Simon, and you know it. It's a game, just living out my fantasies as the main character. But I can delete it if it makes you uncomfortable, it's no big deal, you know?" The tiniest bit of tension you felt underneath your fingertips disappeared, leaving Ghost sinking even further into the couch with you properly wrapped in his protective embrace.

"Nah, gorgeous, you keep playin' whatever shite you wanna be playin'. Just promise to keep me updated on the bloke so I can upstage him in every way." His voice got muffled since he buried his face in your chest, eyes closed peacefully and pure bliss written in all the relaxed features. Cradling his head, you hummed in agreement, but then perked up again.

"Wait, what bloke? You picked one of them for me?" - "Mhm." - "Oh come on, Simon, what happened to the freedom of choice!" You could feel his smile get more prominent despite being hidden in the softness of your chest covered with the thick hoodie material. "Which one did you choose? The vampire 'cause he's wearing all black?"

"Nuh-uh. The other one. The mutt."

You giggled at his choice of words and let out a quiet "oi" when Simon pinched you for disturbing his calm enjoyment of a "bonus scene" with the chosen romance option, that being you.

"Why? You're a Wolf Man fan or something?"

"'f course I am, love. He's British."

Captain John Price

When you saw the notification that the game you got sucked into with the active help of your friends got a "sound update", you knew what that meant - they finally added English voiceover lines for every single hunk of a man you had in your virtual harem, and you couldn't wait to hear what voices they gave your favourites. Given the nature of the game, you decided to put your earbuds on and started listening through the whole voicelines library, busying your hands with mundane tasks like folding laundry. John was sitting in the kitchen, fully immersed into his reading - potentially work-related. Or at least enthralling enough for him to miss your flushed cheeks or periodical giggling.

But no matter how important his reading was, what he couldn't miss was the sultry male voice coming out of your phone with a whispered "Wouldn't you love that, bunny?". Of course the parinig connection between your phone and the wireless earbuds had to get interrupted exactly when you were pouring yourself a cuppa and couldn't even drop the kettle in order to shush the suggestive purring of your digital fave.

You could feel Price staring at you. You could practically hear his bushy eyebrows slowly rising as he patiently waited for you to say something first. You were fully contemplating brewing yourself some poison instead of tea to avoid getting confronted by your man who just heard someone call you bunny on the phone.

So when you didn't start first, John, more amused than anything - he knew you too well to read through all your tiny microreactions and conclude that this wasn't hardcore evidence of an affair, but something much more suitable for future teasing (were you listening to porn or something? a naughty audiobook? oh so many golden opportunities to make you squirm under the steel gaze of the captain) - asked very nonchalantly: "What was that, darling?"

"What?" There was no point in pretending you didn't know what he's talking about, but you still tried. If anything, it allowed you to stall while you very hesitantly turned around and saw John and his smile, not even a hint of sterness in the round plumpness of bearded cheeks and little crow's feet in the corners of his eyes. "What was what, honey? You want some tea too?"

A futile attempt at deflecting and bribery rolled into one. You were lucky you were not his subordinate. You were unlucky the voice of some other man, dripping with mirth, came back into your ear once the next voiceline loaded in and the connection with your earbuds got restored. This was equal to admitting your crimes in front of the judges, but you slowly took your phone out of your pocket and hit pause.

"Does the tea come with an explnation who's the bloke whispering in your pretty ears, bunny? 'Cos if so, I'll take a cuppa, thank you very much."

He was beaming. Leaned back in his chair, knees wide apart and burly arms folded on his chest, Price wanted to have a wee little pause in his serious reading, and watching you squirm was the best distraction and brain-reloading he could ever get.

"I-it's not like that, I promise." Was that a bead of sweat running down your nape? John grunted, cocking an eyebrow and pushing his chin into his chest to stare at you from an angle that best conveyed that "I am not convinced, love" look. "It's just a little game, John, promise. Not a real man, just a made-up character."

Those piercing eyes narrowed even more, silently measuring you up for potentially bullshitting him, and then a heavy hand patted the broad thigh. An order, not an invitation (an order you could always disobey, though...)

"Show me."

Forgetting the option to disobey with little consequences, you hung your head down and dragged yourself and your fresh cuppa over to John, settling in his lap. The tea didn't even make it to the table, he snatched it from your fingers, careful enough not to spill, and sipped loudly, patting your side condescendingly. Any more stalling could result in various stages of burning buttocks, so you complied with the demand without Price repeating himself and opened the app, disconnecting your earbuds in the process.

He clearly wanted to hear that embarassing shit.

Your explanations of what a datesim was seemed to amuse John greatly - knowing his love for farming games, you made sure to mention all the best ones mixing the two genres, clearly trying to sweeten the deal.

"So wha', sum muppet in your phone callin' you bunny and you like 't? Maybe I should start too, huh?" You had to close your eyes to stop the internal screaming, and John's gruff chuckle hit your burning ear with a gentle puff. "But these, erm..." - "Companions." - "Riiight, these companions, they ain't whispering something... naughtier, are they?"

There was a hint of seriousness in his question, so you opened your eyes again and turned to look at him. His face was still smiling calmly, but the expectation was that of an honest and direct answer.

"Well, they do have more explicit scenarios and voicelines..." - "They talkin' dirty to you, eh? Guess I should step up my game." He flexed his jaw and leaned even closer, brushing his slightly chapped lips over the tender shell of your ear, soft beard tickling you and leaving you helpless. "Can't have my sweetheart wooed by sum app game fockers, can I? C'mere you little bunny, Imma show you sumthin' to hop on."

He stood up suddenly, lifting you with a soft grunt and dragging you away from the forgotten phone and empty cup. No amount of "John!" squeaked out could save you from that bear of a man groping your ass before throwing you onto bed and climbing on top. His weight squeezed the air out of your lungs as he roamed his big palmes all over your sweet body, even more enthusiastic about the impromptu break in his work.

"Ugh, fine, Johnathan Price, I won't be listening to the spicy dialogues! Just let me finish my-" Absolutely futile, your plea to get back to housework you had planned got cut short by a deep kiss, John's tongue sliding in your mouth as the most efficient (okay, maybe, second most) gag he could use on you. Your hands, previously pressed against his furry chest in an attempt to push him off, relaxed and buried themselves in his thick hair, ruffliing it and tugging him closer by the strands. A low grunt let you know what you already knew and felt much lower - John fully approved both that and your promise to keep away from the horny digital harem.

"Why even bother with 'em bloody games when you can 'ave the real thing, huh?"

John "Soap" MacTavish

"Whit are ye smiling at there, bonnie?"

Before you could even process the question and come up with any answer (excuse) about the silliest giddy smile that a cutscene in your chosen romance route got out of you, your massive - the only way to not be thrown off by Johny "Can't Sleep Still" MacTavish - bed creaked underneath the impressive weight of a fine Scottish specimen. Like a curious pup, Soap squeezed his head through the loop of your arm, earning himself a choking cuddle in the process, and stared into your screen.

"No, Johnny, piss off! It's personal!" You scrambled to turn your phone away from him and held it to your chest, a traitorous warmth in your cheeks threatening to give away what kind of personal it was. Of course, Soap caught on immediately, playful glint in his eyes as he simply yanked the phone out of your grip and turned over onto his back, shamelessly using you as a pillow while he unlocked your screen (why the fuck were you two so trusting and shared passwords!) and looked at the animated cutscene.

And why did it have to be the first spicy one you finally unlocked?

"What's tha'? Didnae peg ye fur a hentai type, bonnie." Soap watched the looped animation for a few more seconds while you wrestled against his heavy fucking carcass helplessly. With a single tap he closed the cutscene and let out an amused hum when met with the continuation of your unlocked chapter. "Och, so ye're reading smut too? Naughty."

You squirmed visciously, fighting for your dignity as he started reading aloud through the desciption of what didn't make the cutscene. The experience was downright horrible, humiliating and arousing at the same time as Johnny's thick brogue and mocking tone killed every ounce of spice in the steamy scene and somehow added new ones. Along with his stuttering. This lad... you even tried to grab his arm and chew on the meaty muscle in hopes of distracting him, but he didn't even flinch, simply pulling his limb out of your grasp and putting it behind his head comfortably. Outraging.

"Slender aristocratic fingers squeezing supple..." he smacked his lips so loudly that you groaned, "...flesh nae hard enough tae leave marks, but enough tae el... elicit pleasure, his breath hot in yer ear, whispering... Hauld yer horses- how come is yer name 'ere, bonnie? Who's writing this fur ye?" You nearly bounced off the bed when Soap suddenly sat up straight, relieving you from his (quite welcome, to be fair) burden, and frowned at your phone, scrolling through the erotc piece as if he could figure out who was the author just from reading it carefully enough. The pout he turned to you with was nothing short of absolutely heartbreaking. "Who's tha' "Laird Sebastian" prick writing a' kinds of nasty shite he wants tae dae tae ma' leannan? Am ah nae enough fur ye, bonnie? Dae ye wanntae leave me fur some posh bastard wi' a stick so far up his arse tha' it pokes outta his yapper?"

It was so obvious that Soap was just taking the piss, but his bottomless puppy eyes with the longest lashes fluttering as if on the verge of tears were working their dark magic, crashing your train of thought like a whole gang of outlaws from the Wild West and coercing you into making an apologetic expression and reaching your arms pleadingly for a hug. "Aw, come on, Johnny, it's just a-"

"Ah dinnae think tis a good idea, love. Ah dinnae have slender aristocratic fingers, wha' if a'm awful lot o' a commoner tae yer tastes..." Soap tilted his chin up, a perfect depiction of dignity suffering horrible offence, and turned away defiently, immediately peeking back at you from the corner of his twinkling blue eye. You knew those little smiling creases too well to miss them forming despite him holding a pout quite successfully, so you scoffed, still slightly flushed from being caught red-handed, and rolled your eyes, snuggling up to Johnny from behind and starting to kiss behind his ear.

"I'm so, so sorry, love of my life. No posh bastards come nowhere near you, you're my favourite commoner. Fuck Lord Sebastian-" You realized you chose the wrong wording when Soap couldn't hold back a snort. "Aye, well, seems lik' ye were planning on doing exactly tha-" - "Oh shut the fuck up, MacTavish!"

Shut the fuck up he did, turning back to face you abruptly and tackling you into the sheets, lavishing kisses with his searing hot lips all over your face. A real mutt pouncing the handler he has no respect and all the love for. There was no choice left for you other than wrap all your limbs around Soap and writhe underneath him, nearly missing that very inconspicuous way he reached his arm out and dropped your phone on the nightstand before cradling your head for much deeper, sloppier kisses.

"Gonna show tha' laird sod how tae fuck mah bonnie real good, aye? Mak' ye come wi' thae fingers right 'ere, nae aristocrat bullshit." Lapping up your neck with his wet tongue, Soap planted a greedy kiss right underneath your jaw and sucked at the soft skin until it showed a little pinkish hue. The bastard was set on making you sing for him, big rough palms grabbing handfuls of your flesh, squeezing and massaging while Johnny kept decending down your body with clear determination. "C'mon, leannan, let me hear ye. Say yer ol' Johnny's better than tha' bawbag Sebastian."

Sliding your hands over his broad shoulders, you held his nape before tugging on his slightly outgrown mohawk, your own head falling backwards in an exhausted yet adoring sigh.

"You know it's just a game, right, loverboy? A dating simulator, not a real thing? Oi, watch it!" A sharp gasp escaped your lips as Soap chomped on your side and immediately nuzzled into your stomach to blow raspberries into the soft plush, catching you once you started squirming and giggling. No intention of letting you catch your breath until he heard what he wanted. "Fine! Fine, Johnny, you are so, so much better than Lord Sebastian."

Satisfied, he loosened his grasp on you and lifted his head, grinning like he's just won you over from somene actually threatening in terms of romance. Hooked his fingers into your housewear bottoms, slowly tugged them down and started trailing hot-mouthed kisses down from your solar plexus, sky blue eyes glazing over with the never-satiated hunger for your taste on his greedy tongue.

You held your breath. A joke was itching inside your mouth, begging to be let out, dancing on the tip of your tongue...

"You're lucky I didn't choose Duke Aaron's route. That's some serious competion."

"Och, away 'n bile yer heid, bonnie!"

Thank you for reading! I appreciate all interactions, likes, reblogs, comments and requests (send in anything for now! I can filter them myself, but I am open to smut, including rare kinks and some dark themes. Keep in mind though that I am limited by my skill & overall prefer sugary fluff. I will write for any of the task force 141 and baldur's gate characters, including parings, poly, x reader and x OC), I will write drabbles, headcanons and whatever else formats you can think of.

Also any corrections are welcome as long as you're not being mean! Thank you <3

[writingicing]

Been reading a lot of posts about how much the ML in When the Phone Rings is too toxic and unromantic and how can he possibly not have learnt sign language if he loved her all this time and all of that... and here is what I think.

I haven't read the book, and although I did see some spoilers, the show might change things up a bit (and as far as we have seen, the changes made in the show has been for the better.) But, I think before judging him for being too toxic, a couple of things need to be considered.

I mean, what's the genre, guys, come on -

Everyone is entitled to their opinion but the whole point of such a story and such a show is to write weird, dark, toxic characters who are fucked up. People aren't finding his not knowing sign language as romantic because to some extent, people are just letting themselves get lost in the story and experience it first.

If that is like a genuine trigger for someone, that is completely understandable. But on the other hand, can't imagine having a stance of only watching perfectly good non-toxic politically correct characters on screen - is that not boring?

And that is the point - he is fucked up.

The way I see it, it makes sense that he has not learned sign language to communicate with. Like others have been posting, I don't think he intended to ever have a proper relationship with her.

We have only seen hong hee joo's backstory and we've only seen some of it, but because of this we have an understanding of her behavior and where it comes from.

Don't we at least owe that to baek sa eon as well?

People who are fucked in the head don't always know how to love someone best. And that's okay. I don't think that the drama is saying, "hey look we are going to romanticize another husband who won't get his shit together until his wife threatens to leave him." I think the drama is trying to say, "hey, look at both of these fucked up people who have spent so many years together refusing to communicate with each other and refusing to open up."

I find that to be one of the most interesting parts of the show actually - that BOTH of them have refused to open up to each other. She hasn't opened to him in the way she hasn't opened up to ANYONE because her mother forced her to go mute and took her agency away... her mother took her right to being herself away from her, and so she is as much fucked up as he is.

And for him, it seems like his own right to be himself has been taken away as well.

While it is absurd that he hasn't attempted to learn sign language until now, I think this dialogue gives a lot of insight into how he views her in her life: "She is a brand new language."

When you don't know who you are, when you don't know how to love, when you don't know how to receive love, when you are only a fraction of your own self, would you really learn a new language? You might have that book on your shelf... it might give you comfort... it might even give you hope that you will pick it up one day to learn it... but there might still be fear within you to commit, to put effort, to approach something as scary as learning a new language (and I don't just mean sign language, but hong hee joo herself.)

Is he objectifying her in a way? Yes, he is. But he is living an objectified life as well. This is his normal, this is the worldview that he has been taught, and nothing ever has given him the hope that taking a step, a risk, will lead him to something good.

And that is exactly what is finally happening right now. I don't think he's even seen her emote, let alone resist - I mean, he seems surprised to see her angry, to see her cry, to see her make noises, to see her be so confident in her skillset, to see her challenge him. I don't think either of them have ever had stupid playful annoying moments like switching the light on and off, her stealing back her pillow from under his head, them having a tug of war with the trash bag. They have never experienced each other this way and he has especially never experienced her in this way. I don't think he has experienced anyone in this way.

So yeah, he didn't learn it before. But the best way to bridge a communication gap is to reach across it yourself. I don't even know if he's realizing it, but to pay for her dad's new care home is taking power away from her mother....to tell her she needs to stop thinking about what their family will say and go get a job next to him, publicly showing herself right by his side as his EQUAL (not just his trophy wife, mind you) when their family has been asking her to quit her job... to bring her favorite food and telling her comforting words to the best of his abilities... to defend her worth to a random kidnapper bitch... all of this is his way of reaching across that gap himself. And now she is reciprocating, she has accepted that job and she is going to teach him how to communicate with her... she is going to teach him how to learn and understand HER, who is a brand new language for him.

And yeah, alright, maybe he didn't reach across that gap until her safety was actually threatened. But sometimes, when you're so numb to yourself and to the world around you, you need cold water splashed on your face, you need an explosion by your ears to wake you up. Maybe he needed this rude awakening as not only a warning, but a sign that he can indeed go ahead and make a connection with her. That she is real and she won't hurt him, and that he can maybe even trust himself not to hurt her.

Not everyone is perfect, not everyone is created with only green flag qualities. And hong hee joo never has to forgive him, she doesn't have to do anything - but no one can deny that she can forgive if he has earned her forgiveness.

[tactical-jellyfish]

Watcher 1-1

Part TEN!!

Warnings!: The 141 will be criminally stupid, fumblers, all of them. Death (canon-typical), Violence (canon-typical), loss of limb (I will cover the symptoms as well as possible, but any and all corrections are welcome) They do get kissy, but no smut (that I'm writing, but it's very much implied).

Before you can tear Soap's throat out, you see your fucking savior appear.

Sarah.

Her tanned, sun-darkened skin is exactly what you've been missing, the neatly-done braids that you remember helping her put in sway as she walks toward you.

"Captain."

You call out flatly. She smiles, knowing damn well you're calming at the sight of her.

The dog at her side (technically, Hesh's dog, Riley) gives a soft noise of greeting before lightly pulling at his leash, requesting to be let go but knowing better. Well-trained, like you would expect from Hesh. He does good work.

You assume your place by Sarah's side as Riley trots over to Hesh's legs, sitting by his booted foot.

"Right, let's handle this properly, yes?"

Her voice is polite but firm as she looks at the other team, not even a little fondness residing in her dark eyes as she gazes at Price, on even ground with the Brit in a way you never were.

In a way you would never need to be, with her. With your team at your back.

"This is Hesh, my lieutenant, Newton, my second lieutenant, and Newton's sergeant, Keegan. Hesh handles Logan. If you have questions, address them to me."

You know Price is looking at you. You know all four of them are, in part. But you also don't care nearly enough to react to it with anything other than a slight scowl.

You don't offer much attention as Price introduces his men, but you do pause for the last one.

"This is Roach. He don't talk much, but he's good people."

The stupid little antennae bob when he waves excitedly, before making a gesture that you know.

He waves, and swipes his hands up from the bottom of his ribs, before presenting both to your team in a 'thumbs up' gesture

How are you, in British Sign Language.

"I'm good, Roach. I don't talk much either."

Your voice is accompanied by some of your old BSL–a bit rusty, no doubt, and a little muddied, because you've been using ASL as much as you can, to squeak by in the US–reaffirming to the masked man before you that you might be a little off, but he's got some company.

Roach jumps a little, before flapping his hands excitedly while trying to stay in place.

You hate to admit it, but it's kind of endearing to you. Reminds you of the way Keegan bounces up and down when he gets excited, or how Hesh fiddles with any little piece of string you give him.

Roach could be... he had potential.

You'd look into him more, in your free time.

He'll be interesting.

First chapter | Previous chapter | Next chapter

Shorter chapter today, but it's more of a set-up for later shit, so get ready for the fecal matter to hit the fan, lovelies <3. Thank you for all the support today, it's been amazingly overwhelming to see :D

[teddywook]

(de)stressed ꨄ song eunseok

wanings. dom!eunseok x sub!fem, pet names, breeding, spit, daddy kink, mommy kink (i guess), unprotected sex, and for sure i'm forgetting something but well.

words. 2.229k

i really really hate methodology.

@sehodreams you remember i was talking to you about this like, yesterday? so... couldn't contained myself.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

—stupid bitch

is the first thing eunseok hears when he enters your shared room. his eyebrows rise when he hears you let out an annoyed growl and curse under your breath as you forcefully press the keys of your laptop on the desk.

—harsh words coming from such a pretty mouth

he has a lopsided smile when you turn to look at him, your lips involuntarily pouting after letting out a snort. he crosses the room to get to you, his hands gripping the back of your chair and turning it to face you. eunseok leans his body towards you as he leans the back of your chair and presses a kiss to your plump lips, taking his time to enjoy their softness.

—what is bothering my baby so much?

he asks quietly, one of his hands still holding the seat back as he cradles your face, his thumb rubbing lovingly over your cheek.

eunseok watches your brows furrow, your pout turning into a displeased grimace and your nostrils flaring as you let out another annoyed snort.

—my methodology teacher reviewed my progress and made me correct most of my text. it's a fucking fictitious company. the hell did she mean that my justification is not viable? she even dared to say that i misquoted the author. i've been working with sampieri long enough to know that i'm quoting correctly. does she think i'm that dumb? she's the stupid bitch here, she needs someone to fuck her bad attitude off, maybe then she'd stop being a pain in the ass.

—language, pretty girl

his voice sounds like a mocking warning. it's not that it really bothers him, on the contrary. eunseok finds it funny that his beautiful and adorable girlfriend have such a... wide vocabulary. but he knows it bothers you when he corrects you and he likes to see you roll your eyes every time he does it.

—language my balls. who are you? my dad?

this time eunseok's eyebrows raise in surprise. there's a glint of amusement in his eyes when he speaks again.

—it seems like you're the one who needs someone to fuck that attitude out of you, baby girl

it's you who looks at him in surprise this time. you want to be upset by his comment, but more than being offended, it sends shivers down your spine.

—forget it, i should do this shit before i kill myse-

you can't finish your sentence when eunseok drops your seat back onto the floor. his hands quickly reach for the elastic of your pajama shorts to put it down along with your panties.

—eunseok!— your voice is a squeal that turns into a gasp as your boyfriend slaps your pussy.

his hands hold your thighs, parting your legs, placing them on the armrest of your seat. eunseok falls to the ground on his knees, getting dangerously close to your core

—seok seriously, i need to continue with my wor-

—shut up— another slap makes you jump in your place with a whimper— don't you dare to move

you listen how your boyfriend clears his throat and the sensation of a subtle blow along with the warmth of his saliva sliding through your folds, his fingers rubs it spreading the sticky moisture and he slaps your pussy again.

—where did that attitude come from, huh? such a brat, should i teach you some manners?

—f-fuck you

eunseok clicks his tongue and pinches your clit, putting a little more force on the sensitive bud at your rude response.

—only if you behave well

your boyfriend interrupts what you are about to say with his lips sucking directly on your clit, his fingers dig into your skin while his hands hold your bare thighs tightly, pulling your seat to get you as close to his face as possible.

—damn—  you let out a grunt, trying to push your boyfriend's head away, but eunseok is stronger than you and tightens his grip on your spongy thighs. bites hard enough into your sensitive center to cause a sting of pain, but not enough to do real harm.you look down at him, big dark eyes watching you, you can make out a hint of determination and amusement in them.

you know he won't let you go easily, so you collect your pride and finally allow yourself to be manipulated under his touch. not that it was really anything unpleasant after all. eunseok's lips were wonderful, and he was truly a great pussy eater.

you bite your bottom lip and let your head fall back on the back of your seat, your hands go to eunseok's head again, but this time they grab his hair to keep him close. eunseok, for his part, can feel your body relaxing, your thighs losing their tension under his hands.

—good girl

eunseok uses his tongue to teas your entrance, taunting you and causing you to let out a loud whiny moan.

—c'mon seok...

—wanna cum love?

he asks but doesn't need the answer, he knows your body too well. recognize the trembling in your legs, the rocking of your hips looking for friction, the features of your face contracting in pleasure. you feel your orgasm building up in your abdomen, your hands fisting the head of your chair in search of support. and when eunseok hears your moans become more desperate, he abruptly pulls away from your throbbing cunt.

you let out a cry of frustration that sounds more like a whimper at the sudden drop. your eyes widen with a mix of anger and disappointment and you look at eunseok, a smirk on his face as he watches with amusement the way you thrust your hips chasing your orgasm.

—can't gett off baby?

—isn't fair,  you're so mean...— your pout causes him tenderness and he decides to show you some mercy.

—aw, my baby so adorable... but she's been a spoild little brat, she can't have what she wants just like that, can she?

he approaches you, his arms lifting you from the seat to take your place, placing you in his lap. one of his arms wrap your waist, pressing you against his chest, the other traces lines on your skin, from your stillclothed shoulders to your inner thighs. coming dangerously close to your cunt, taunting you with a smile when he feels your skin crawl at his touch.

his lips lick the skin from the base of your neck to the lobe of your ear, brushing and biting a little

—say the magic word honey, or i won't let you cum 

you bite your bottom lip, a whiny moan leaving you mouth. eunseok knows exactly how to make you weak under his influence.

—please... seok... please

eunseok coos pleased over your ear, a smirk on his face as his fingers make their way to your dripping cunt,  pads rubbing against your folds. eunseok's index and ring fingers part your lips while his middle makes circles your throbbing clit.

—that wasn't so hard to do, was it baby?— he receive a whimper as response —you like it? why don't you tell me exactly what you want, love?

—want you to fuck me seok, please... need you

—oh really? need me that bad? but, i don't think you deserve it tho

his hand stop his movements, getting a little a way from your core but still on your inner thigh, grinding the flesh

you let go a yelp, rocking your hips over his lap on a whine but his hand on your waist moves to your hip, griping it to force you to stop. you can feel his hard cock digging on the swell of your ass.

—don't be a little bitch and behave

his voice is husky in your ear, rough and just too hot that got you dripping even more. you need him so bad inside you.

—i'll be good, promise daddy

—mhm, that's it baby. what a good girl for me

eunseok press his middle finger to your core, rubbing a little the sensitive nub before having pressing it into your entrance. your wet walls taking him so well. your little moans makes him wanting to hear more of your sweet sounds so he adds other finger, your count clenching around them.

—seok please nee-

he thrusts his fingers hardest, cutting off your words and taking a loud moan from your part lips.

—whatcha saying baby? didn't hear you

you give your best to collect your words despite your tongue feels numb.

—wanna feel your cock insi- fuck! inside me... shit- need you to fill me up daddy

—i don't think you're allow to get any dick until you cum like this

—but-

—you better not finish that fucking sentence or i'll let you here without you can gett off

eunseok was mean most of times, but tonight was meaner. maybe is your frustration floating out, maybe he's just in the mood. no matter what reason is, you love it.

so you make your lips a plane line and let your head rest against eunseok's shoulder. which allow him to see your fuck out expression making him grin at you pleased.

—that's better babygirl. now be good and cum on daddy's fingers.

eunseok thrusts his fingers in and out of your swollen pussy, hitting that spongy spot that got you seening stars.

he can feel the tremble of your legs, your breath getting heavy as your arched your back. your own fingers digging on his biceps as his drive you to your high.

your walls clenching around his fingers as loud whimpers fills your shared room. eunseok let you rock your hips fucking yourself on them. your movements become slow as you calm yourself.

a pleased sigh leave your mouth, your body laying languished against eunseok's but before you can even say a word, eunseok flips you up.

he bens you over the desk, your cheek against the wooden surface as he keeps your arms behind your back from your wrists with just one hand.

eunseok manages to undo his belt and zip dow his jeans with his free hand. you hear him spit on his hand and the wet sound of him pumping himself. the tip of his cock taunting your entrance

—please

—what it is baby?

—fuck me daddy, please

—can't deny it to my baby when she's asking so nicely

he enters slowly, giving you time to adjust to his size. he gets in fully and just stays still with your gummy walls embracing him

it's only when you star to rock your hips against his when he begins to thrust into you.

isn't too fast, but certainly not soft neither. he likes taking his time with you. his thrust are deep and rough, making himself sure you can feel every inch of his cock inside you as he fucks you dumb.

eunseok brings his free hand to brush it off your hair that's blocking him the seen of your pretty face. he caresses your hot cheek delighting in your ruined expression. furrow eyebrows, a puddle of saliva on the wood draining from your part lips. he wraps his hand on the back of your neck, holding you in your place as hi starts thrusting against your pussy harder.

your whines and moans drove him into a frenzy, his cock hitting the sweet spot inside you. your legs fail, but his grip keeps you up. you start to cry his name lost in pleasure.

—can you feel me baby? i'm so fucking deep

—s'good, s'good

—keep going love, moan my name so everyone can hear who makes you feel this good

—s-seok gonna cum

—go ahead baby, cum for me. cum for daddy

eunseok's name leave your mouth in a cry loud whimper. orgams hitting you so hard that made your whole body tremble.

eunseok fuck himself in your milky cunt, your own orgams make your walls embrace him in such delicious way that got him letting his head fall back with shut eyes. groans escaping his lips, both hands griping your hips, diggin on your flesh as he chase his peak, overstimulating you along the way

—too much!

—it's not. good girls take what they are given.

tears runs down your cheeks till the wood, your head feels light due the overwhelming sensations. your poor pussy being abuses at this point.

—oh my fuck, i'm so close

—please...

—you want me to fill you up baby? i really want to breed this precious pussy, sounds good isn't? don't you wanna hear me calling you mommy?

—s-seok!

—cum with me, mommy

that's enough for you to clenching around eunseok's cock on your third orgasm of the night.

he cums behind you, his hot seed filling your cunt and mixes with your own fluids, making a mess on your tights.

eunseok pulls out of you carefully, aware that you are still too sensitive. he lift you up like a bride, taking you to the bathroom.

—seok, my work...

—shhh. for now we're having a warm bath and good sleep. tomorrow you can continue with your work.

—alright love— you feel too sleepy to complain actually.

so you just silently allow your boyfriend to take care of you. he press a kiss on your head, a wide smile on his lips.

—that's my good girl

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part twelve

authors note: you guys are seriously the nicest and most supportive. the comments always make me stupidly smile and laugh cause not a single one of ya'll is gonna let bdj die off. 😭 also, i know a couple of people have commented and asked about the backstory with joe and jadah, and i promise it'll be explored deeper. there's a subplot i'm working towards unveiling here, and it's nearing the reveal part, but we're not there yet! i promise, though, it's gonna be touched on!!!

i also had to chop this chapter in half, because it's honestly so much stuff, so the next update shouldn't take as long cause it's almost done.

the next two are gonna be so fun. maybe some shit will go down too. we shall see.

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: fluff, language, some angst, suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

words: 8k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @southerngirl41 @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns

“So let me get this straight, in the time that I’ve been gone, you and Joe told Callie he’s her dad, you found out Amir and Mariah been fucking behind your back, and you had a semi mental breakdown after running into your father and, plot twist, long lost sister.” She counts each off with a finger, then asking. “Did I miss anything?”

Nodding, you take a scoop of your ice cream before adding, “Joe told me he loves me.”

In true Alexis fashion, she randomly arrived in town the night before, completely unaware of all that transpired in her absence. So, you take this time while Callie sleeps to catch her up. 

“Did I miss anything that I didn’t already know?” You give her a look, and she rolls her eyes, also eating some of her Rocky Road. “Come on, Y/N. Ray Charles could see that man is in love with you. You’re the one being stupid by not reciprocating.” Before you can push back against her, even if she isn’t entirely wrong, she switches topics. “Now when are we gonna go beat Lieriah’s ass? I told you it was something about that girl. She’s a snake.”

Typically the one to defend your friends, it’s hard to find it in you to come to Mariah’s aid. Nevermind the fact that she knows the shitty things Amir has done to you over the years, it’s the fact that she’s supposed to be your best friend but is messing around with same ain't shit ex? You would never do something like that to her, but maybe your loyalty to her has always been stronger than hers to you.

“I’m not worried about him or her. They’re not worth it.” That’s partially true, but the sting of betrayal is slow to pass and even slower to heal. You’ve always had mid to low expectations for Amir, but Mariah? That’s a crushing blow. “I have more important things to figure out.”

She studies you, leaning back against the headboard. “Your sister.”

“Bianca,” you correct. It’s too uncomfortable referring to her as such, even if that’s exactly what she is. 

In the weeks since the big fireworks show—both metaphorically and figuratively—you’ve tried to slowly return to your sense of normalcy. Focusing on Callie—who is an entirely different issue in and of itself that you really need to talk to your mom about—being more on top of things at work, and navigating your relationship with Joe.

He hasn’t been back to visit since Christmas, but you figured as such. Wrestlemania season has arrived, and you know better than anyone how crazy that time is, especially with him main eventing. 

But the one thing you haven’t really allowed yourself to think too much about is Bianca. You’d sent her a vague apology text a few days after your mad dash and explained that you were dealing with some things and just needed time to sort through them. That you’d reach back out when you were ready.

That still hasn’t happened, and it’s entirely intentional. 

“I remember you mentioned that you always wanted siblings?”

“Yeah, cause we have so much to bond over,” you mutter, bitterly.

“Well, you actually do have a lot in common. She’s a teacher, like you. She has a daughter, like you—” 

“You know what we don’t have in common?” You interrupt, feeling the agitation growing again. It’s not directed toward Alexis, just the situation in general. “A father who loves us.”

You were done referring to that man as your father. A father shows up. Like Joe. That son of a bitch isn’t even in the same universe as Joe. 

Her expression softens. You didn’t tell her everything, just enough for her to get the gist that he’s a piece of shit. And you definitely did not tell her about the time you went to see him. You’ve never told anyone that story. Joe is now the only one who knows, and you’d like to keep it that way. It’s just….it’s just too painful. “I had no idea that was the situation there…..I’m really sorry, girl.”

“It is what it is. I don’t need him.” And you’re not too sure if you need Bianca either. “I’m just trying to figure out if I should power through this for Callie’s sake. You should have seen how she and Taylor clicked. I would hate to take that away from her.”

“I get that,” she acknowledges. “You have to make the decision that’s best for the long run, not necessarily how you’re feeling right now.” That’s very easy to say and nearly impossible to do. “Even if you just allow the girls to interact while you keep some distance with Bianca.”

You’re partially intrigued, spooning some more cookie dough. “How would that work?”

“They don’t live here, right?” You nod. “Maybe the girls can talk on Facetime or even play some game on their tablets. That won’t cause you to interact much with mom outside of coordinating virtual playdates, and Callie still gets to spend time with her cousin, or, not cousin."

You sit on her words, not expecting to be as open to the idea as you are. It’s a pretty genius compromise. “You really do give some great advice sometimes, you know that?”

“That’s what I’m here for,” she smiles mischievously, and you just shake your head. “Now, who’s gonna knock this bitch Mariah over the head with a steel chair? Me or you? Or should we hit her with a bus, Regina George style?”

“Alexis!”

________

You clearly don’t love yourself because you decided to do both yours and Callie’s washday on the same damn day. A Sunday, at that. Meaning, you have no choice but to get it done because you have work the next day.

And Alexis being in town would be even more of a benefit than it already is if she actually knew how to do hair. Natural hair. She can lay any wig down better than Tae, but caring for coils and curls is another story. It’s why you declined her offer, and she lays knocked out in your bed, while Callie is fast asleep in hers. 

Thankfully, you have an insanely generous and sweet man who’s offered to talk to you while you power through this debacle, noodle arms, sleep deprivation, and all.

“Oh, before I forget again.” You grab the bottle of leave-in to apply more to the next section of hair. Shingling may give you the most definition, but it also gives you the most discomfort. “Can you be here May 8th?” A smile falls on your face. “Our baby is graduating preschool, and I know she’d want you there. I do too.”

“Shit, they have preschool graduations?” He seems genuinely taken back before answering. “But, of course I’ll be there.”

“I know. I used to think they were stupid, but now it’s my kid, so it’s the best thing ever. Her cap and gown should come some time in March, so I’m gonna have one of my old teammates who’s a photographer take professional photos of her.” It’s literally just preschool, but that’s still something she’s accomplished, and you want to commend the occasion the best you can. It’s been years since you’ve had professional photos of her taken anyway. Not since she was first born. “And yes, I’ll get extra for you.”

“How much—”

“Anyways, let me show you the tattoo.” Joe has already done so much, the least you can do is cover the photo costs. Even though you know him well enough to know he’ll find some way to contribute. Thankfully, the side of your hair that still needs to be shingled is clipped at the top of your head, so all you have to do is turn around and push down the thin strap of your shirt to reveal your latest ink. “He did an amazing job.”

“Shit, he did.” Joe’s agreement and approval somehow makes you even more satisfied with the outcome. Your Christmas gift to yourself was finally getting that Moana tattoo Callie has wanted to see on you since you told her you were getting one damn near a year ago. It’s on the back of your left shoulder, a black manta ray, some blue ocean-like coloring with one of your favorite lyrics from the movie: I will carry you here in my heart. You remind me, that come what may, I know the way. 

It’s one of Callie’s favorite songs but also feels like an ode to your grandma as well. 

He then asks, “do you want more?”

Readjusting your shirt and turning back around, you answer, “of course. More Disney but also….” This discussion triggers something for you, something that seems a little out there, but also maybe not. “I saw this tattoo on Pinterest that I want to get for Callie.” You grab your phone. “Let me send it to you.” It’s saved in your favorites folder and thus an easy send. Placing the phone back on the counter, you wait for him to receive and see it.

“I like it.” It’s a baby’s footprint with the name written in cursive and date of birth in print right underneath it. You’ve always wanted Callie’s name on you but couldn’t settle on a design until you came across that one. Something about it just resonates with you. 

Licking your lips, you suggest, “why don’t you get it with me?” Couples getting matching tattoos isn’t something you’re entirely against, you just don’t agree with it for people who are only dating and not married, if marriage is the goal. You remember when Amir once suggested you do so, and you literally laughed in his face. You’d soon rather get branded with a tramp stamp than have that man’s name permanently burned into your skin.

But, matching tattoos for the child you created together with the man you love. That is something you could get behind. 

And apparently so can he.

“Let’s do it.”

“Really?” You’re not sure why, but the ease of his agreement shocks you. It’s not too far-fetched when you think about it. He loves his daughter, and you’ve always known Joe to only get tattoos that have meaning. He could give you a detailed explanation for every piece of ink on his body. 

“Yeah.” There’s almost a sense of excitement in his voice, like he’s eager to have her name on him, to share this with you. “Same location?” At that, you make a face. He laughs. “Inner bicep does hurt, I’m not even gon’ lie to you.”

Yeah, you’ve definitely heard as such, and considering his entire right side is tatted, he’d know. “I don’t know. I have to think about it. I might need to squeeze your hand the whole time, or I’ll end up punching the tattooist.”

He laughs, “you can squeeze my hand.” Joe then asks, “when do you want to get em’ done?” You start to think about it logistically, as well as financially. Tattoos aren’t cheap. “Do you want to go to the Super Bowl?”

His question surprises you because it’s such a change in topics but also….what? “Yup. And Hawaii and Puerto Rico. And then maybe if we have time, stop by Alice in Wonderland.”

He’s too good at matching your sass, retorting, “I can make the first two happen easily. The last one may be a stretch.” Rolling your eyes, you grab for the gel. “I’m serious though. My tattoo artist is based out of Vegas. The game is in Vegas this year. It’ll let me see Callie too, cause I’m having a hard time finding a gap to visit.” As he continues to speak without laughing or chuckling, you realize he’s dead serious. “I’ve been meaning to ask you to go anyway but kept forgetting.”

You need extra clarification. “Like this year's Usher concert where there’s apparently a game too?”

He rolls his eyes, providing the guest list. “It’s me and the twins, their family, some other fam…..we have a whole section, cause you know it's a bunch of us.” It’s still hard to sit on the fact that this man really just invited you to the fucking Super Bowl like it’s dinner at Golden Coral. His eyes soften. “I wanna see her. I wanna see you.”

Joe’s closing statement, so true and vulnerable, is what breaks you from your temporary state of shock. You get the sense he misses ya’ll just as much as you miss him. “Of course, we’ll go. I’m sorry, I just—I wasn’t expecting that.” And it’s true, you weren’t. “How will we get fl—”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of everything. I just need you to show up at the airport.”

That seems to be such a recurring theme with this man. He does everything he can to make things as easy for you as possible. It’s tremendously appreciated and doesn’t go without notice. 

“This is the first time she’ll be meeting the twins,” you realize aloud. Hell, his family at all. 

Joe nods, chuckling. “Yeah, they’ve been on my ass about that anyway. They want to meet her.”

Pinning down the section you just finished, you take down the next. A little over halfway done now. “Whoever you want her to meet is fine with me, Joe. I don’t even really have a say in that. She has every right to meet your family just as much as she’s had to meet mine.”

And it’s true. Unless it could present some harm to Callie, you don’t really feel like you have the right to object to things like that. You have zero desire to interfere with Joe and Callie anymore than you already have. 

“I know. I just wanted to tell her the truth before introducing her to anyone else. Less lies.” Makes sense. Thinking about Callie meeting more family brings a small smile to your face. It’s what she deserves. Family members who actually want to be in her life.

The conversation brings something else to the forefront of your mind, partially due to Joe’s confession to you on Christmas but also a question you’ve wanted to ask him for much longer than you’d like to admit. 

“So….” This shouldn’t be as nerve wracking as it is. “There’s something I want to ask you, but I don’t…..I don’t want to overstep.” If he were to tell you that he’d rather you not, that’d be fine with you, one less stressful thing on your plate. But, of course, he’s silent, meaning he’s not going to object. So….you decide to bite the bullet and go for it. “What happened between you and your wife?”

You’re certain he wasn’t expecting that to be what you asked, but to your surprise, he answers. “We were young and got married for the wrong reason. I was 22. She was 21.”

Unsure but taking a big risk regardless, you ask in a small voice. “What was the reason?”

His answer isn’t what you’re expecting either. “She was pregnant.”

It takes a second for you to process what he’s saying. Your stomach is suddenly in knots, chest feeling tight. There’s no way he’s kept something like that from you. No way in hell. “Wait, does Callie have—”

“No.”

And just like that, you know. He doesn’t need to explain. It’s painfully obvious, especially as he looks away from the camera. You have a feeling you've unlocked a painful memory he’d most likely kept tucked away. 

“I’m sorry.” It feels so stupid and unhelpful to say. What does that do for him? It doesn’t take away that experience, that loss that you can’t even begin to imagine. But, it’s all you can offer. “Just—forget I asked, let’s change the subject.” Do you have more questions? Of course. Like, why was there such a gap between their loss and the divorce? But, this is understandably a difficult and sensitive subject, and the last thing you want to do is trigger him more than you already have.

You know better than anyone how awful that can be. 

He agrees with the subject change, going along with the transition of topics, clearly grateful for your understanding. But, in the back of your mind, you can’t help but think about the fact that this man lost his firs child before he could even meet the them, and the child he had who did survive was kept a secret from him for nearly five years.

There’s a sudden sickness and disgust you feel. And it’s not towards anyone but yourself. 

Joe had every goddamn right to be furious with you about your subterfuge.

He still does. ________

“Mama, something is up with Callie.”

You’re thankful Alexis agreed to keep Callie preoccupied in the living room while you have this conversation with your mom, because Callie had another incident just this morning, slamming her door when you told her she needed to pick up her toys.

She’s never done that.

But she has done other things in the past two weeks or so, rolling her eyes or pouting her mouth at you when you say something she doesn’t want to hear, beyond typical tantrums. 

Your mom stops her stirring at the pot to turn around and look at you. “What do you mean? Is she sick?”

“No,” you answer and then realize you’re not entirely sure how to explain it. She’s not being bad, per se. Just….difficult. “She’s just been…..off.”

Genuinely intrigued, and partially concerned, you watch your mom turn the fire on low as she joins you at the kitchen table. “Tell me.”

Shaking your head, you explain. “I thought it was just me, that I was just being overprotective and hyper-vigilant, but when I picked her up from preschool yesterday, her teacher pulled me to the side and asked me if she’s been having sleep problems. I told her no and asked why, and she told me Callie has been irritable. With staff and other kids.”

“Callie?” Your mom seems just as taken back as you were hearing these words. “That doesn’t even sound like her.”

“I know, and that’s what I said at first, but then I thought about it, and she’s been crabby with me too. It’s not horrible, but it’s unlike her.”

A small part of you wonders if it has something to do with you running off on her on Christmas. It would make sense. She was doing absolutely fine before then, but it’s the timing that throws that theory off. You’ve noticed this change only in the past two weeks, well after Christmas day passed, so why the delay?

“What does Joe think it is?”

“I haven’t told him.” It’s not that you don’t want to. You’d just like to have a better grasp of what it is before doing so. Have more actual information to provide him.

“He hasn’t seen the behavior for himself?”

You shake your head. “She’s fine with him. Matter of fact, after his calls, she’s like a completely different child.” It’s watching your mom’s face settle into a look of realization that makes you ask, “what? What is it?”

“Honey” she starts with a soft chuckle. “She’s missing her daddy.”

Her answer catches you by surprise, painting your face with confusion. You’ve had a lot of theories, but that definitely wasn’t one of them. “What?”

Reaching across the table, she places her hand over yours. “Think about it. How would she react if you were gone as much as he is? She’d be a mess, cause you’re her mama, and she has a strong attachment to you. Look how easily she attached and connected with Joe. It’s always been there. Except she knows the truth now, so her attachment is even stronger.” You heed to her explanation, wise and sensible. You hadn’t even thought of it that way. “And isn’t this the longest he’s been gone without her seeing him? She’s acting out because she misses him and probably doesn’t know how to verbalize it, so it shows in her behavior.”

As relieved as you are to have an explanation that makes sense, it’s an explanation that makes you incredibly sad for your sweet child. You know how hard it is for Joe to get away right now, you understand it. It never crossed you that she wouldn’t. 

Devastated, you ask, “what do I do?”

“Talk to her. Try to help her understand. It may not make a huge difference, but it’s something.”

You nod, so so grateful for her, for all that she does for you, for Callie. For all that she’s done. Reaching across the table, you hug her tightly. “thank you, mama.” As much as it devastated you to not have that man in your life, your mom made sure to go above and beyond to make sure you knew you were loved. She played both roles beautifully, and you’re not sure you’ll ever be able to make her understand what that meant to you. 

You still haven’t really sat her down and explained everything that happened Christmas night, nor has she asked, but you know it’s because she’s trying to respect your space. It’s appreciated, but you also know you’re gonna have to eventually tell her.

Just not now.

Right now, you’ve gotta take care of your baby.

________

Even the energy in Callie’s playroom feels off.

You’re so used to walking in and finding her with that million dollar smile that makes your entire day better. Instead, you walk in and she doesn’t even acknowledge your presence. She just continues to color. 

“Hey, baby….” Disappointed, but refusing to show as such, you welcome yourself in and approach her table. “Is it okay if I color with you?” 

She still doesn’t say anything, just nods, and you do your best not to hide your sadness. You hate seeing her this down, it’s so unfamiliar, and you’ll do just about anything to fix it. 

Sitting down in the uncomfortable seat, you take a couple of her pages and pull out a crayon. “I have an idea.” At that, she looks up, slightly intrigued. “Why don’t we draw how we’ve been feeling lately? I draw me, and you draw you.” 

You scold yourself for not selling it to her better, for not telling her it’s something you sometimes do with your students. Some level of innocent peer pressure. However, she surprises you by agreeing with a simple “okay.”

It takes a second for you to register that it was really that simple. Step one is done. Now for step two. 

Grabbing some crayons, you don’t really concern yourself with skin tone, just getting something out on paper. The two of you color in silence, and you start to offer to put on her favorite playlist but decide against it. 

You want her to really think about what you’re asking. 

It’s when you see that she’s placed down her crayon and is just staring at her picture that you ask, “you done?” She shakes her head, but her eyes are on the table in front of her. “Is it okay if mommy sees it? I’ll show you mine too.”

Handing you the page, you expect an influx of emotions, but actually seeing her literal representation of how she feels is simply heartbreaking. 

She’s drawn herself, frowning, surrounded by broken hearts and a blue tear leaking from her eye. Callie did what you asked. You just wish it didn’t have you feeling so helpless.

“This means you’ve been feeling sad, huh?” You hate how your voice gives away your emotions. This is about her, not you, but it’s so difficult for you to not be impacted. No mother wants to see her child hurting, and Callie currently is. It kills you. “Callie….” Moving up from your chair, you move across to kneel in front of her, taking her hands in yours. “Have you been sad because you miss your dad?”

All you need to hear is one sniffle, and instantly, you’re reaching for her, holding and comforting her.

“It’s okay,” you soothe, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay, baby.” She cries into your chest, and you have to hold back your own tears.

“Why doesn't he come back?” She asks in between tears, wiping her eyes. “He’s been gone a really long time.” It’s only then you realize that she’s not entirely exaggerating. Joe was last here for Christmas. It’s now the end of January. For a child like Callie, that must feel like an eternity.

“He would if he could, Callie. I promise you he would. Daddy just…he gets really busy with his job this time of the year, and he can’t leave or he’ll get in trouble.” It’s so difficult to explain this to her. WrestleMania season is inarguably chaotic and stupidly busy. Even back in the day, Joe’s trips to see you were most far and few in between during this time of year. And that was before he even had a title. You can’t even imagine how busy he must be as the literal fucking face of the company.

Enough to keep him from being able to come see you and Callie. 

You’ve just gotten so used to the dynamics of him being away for periods at a time that it never occurred to you Callie hasn’t had the same experience. That at the end of the day she’s still a little kid who just wants to be with her dad. 

It’s then that a thought crosses your mind.

“What if…..what if we went to see daddy?” For the first time since you stepped into the room, her eyes actually light up and you notice her tears lessening. “Instead of him coming to us, we go see him?”

“Really?” There’s the faintest smile on her face, and you know then that you’re going to make this happen. You don’t know how or in what way, but it will be a reality. No matter what it takes. 

“Yeah,” you answer, brushing away some of her tears. “You can go see him at his show. He’d love that.” Not as much as she clearly loves the idea alone. “Now, we’d only be able to stay a day or maybe two but—”

“Please,” she interrupts, and you get the sense that she fears you’re going to find a way to say that you couldn’t or shouldn’t go. “I’ll be a good girl. I promise.”

“Baby, you’re already the best girl.” You push back some of her hair, resting your hand against her cheek. “Mama’s gonna make it happen, okay? I promise.”

If you have to sell one of your kidneys, then you’ll just be less one organ, because you’re getting your baby to that damn show. Matter of fact, you don’t say anything to her, but you’re wondering if you can make it to this week’s upcoming show. It’s only Sunday, and that gives you a couple of days to make arrangements and secure tickets. It’s doable, but you don’t want to get her hopes up, so just in case, you say nothing.

And yes, in the back of your mind, you know she’ll see Joe in a couple of weeks for the game, but that’s too long. Your child is hurting. You need to do something now. She can’t wait that long. 

“Thank you, mommy!” She wraps her little arms around you, and just like that, you see the spark and joy that fills your days with light and laughter. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby.” Kissing her temple, you release her, realizing something else. “Now we can't tell your daddy because we’re gonna surprise him, okay? Can you do that for me?”

She nods, happily, unaware of the real reason. You know that you can’t tell Joe about this. Well, not now at least. This is not something to be discussed over the phone or even video chat. And if you tell him you want to take her to see him as soon as possible, he’ll know something is up. 

So, you have to move in silence. 

Coloring with Callie commences for a little longer as you value and cherish your time with her, but as soon as she’s down for her nap and before you wake Alexis from hers to tell her the news, you need to do something. It’s in that time bonding with her you realized how you’re going to make this happen.

You’re suddenly immensely grateful for that random conversation you’d had with Joe a while back regarding the fact that he and the twins have had the same phone number since they were in high school.

Pulling out your phone, you scroll through your contacts until you land on the one you need. You type, backspace, and type some more, only sending out the text once you’re fully pleased with it.

You: Hey, Jon. This is Y/N. Can you call me when you get a chance? Preferably sooner rather than later. I need your help with something. And please don’t tell Joe. It’s a surprise. 

________

God clearly wants you to bring Callie to see Joe. 

There’s just too many things that have lined up perfectly for that not to be the case. The discussion with your principal went well, though that wasn’t entirely surprising. You’ve always had a cordial relationship and know she respected your grandma. The whole school system in your town did. That was just her level of impact. But that respect has slid down to work in your favor as your principal told you to take as much time as you need.

“You’ll always have a job here.”

While not a huge concern, it’s reassuring and not entirely unsurprising. Again, your grandma’s impact definitely granted you a level of nepotism. You were slightly surprised when she actually encouraged you to take more time off, pointing out how in the almost nine years you’ve worked there, she could count on one hand how much PTO or vacation time you’ve used. And, it’s true. It was really only when Callie was sick and your mom couldn't help or you wanted to stay home and nurse her back to health that you called out. For the most part, you had damn near perfect attendance.

But, that’s certainly about to change, and you’re thankful you have a job that’s flexible enough to accommodate the change. 

And then there’s the actual getting there. You should have known when Alexis was asking questions about when you and Callie were leaving that she was up to something. You naively chalked it up to her planning her flight out, as there was no way you expected her to wait around for ya’ll to get back. Instead, she was busy buying not just her ticket to come with ya’ll but yours and Callie’s as well.

You instantly felt bad when she forwarded you the itinerary information. You couldn’t see the cost, but you weren’t stupid either. Getting flights out with such short notice had to be expensive as all outdoors. You were just going to put the bill on your credit card and work to pay it off. And, of course, when you offered to pay her back, she nearly cussed you out. As if such an offer was insulting. 

“What good is a trust fund if you can’t spend it on your college roomie and pretend godchild?”

So, while you still felt slightly uncomfortable, you were able to push it to the backburner for the sake of Callie. This is all for her, and you don’t care what it takes to make it happen. Even if it means sucking up your pride. 

And deep down, you know if Alexis didn’t do what she did, Joe would somehow find a way to compensate you. The same way his ass somehow got his card on file at the hospital and covered all of Callie’s medical bills without ever even asking you if you needed help.

You still haven’t talked to him about that, not really having or finding the right time, but it also feels a bit bitchy and ungrateful to be upset with the man for covering his daughter’s medical expenses. 

Then there’s the actual show itself. One thing you were initially concerned about was if Joe has a match lined up for this upcoming week’s show. You two have only had a couple of discussions about it but still enough for you to learn that he’s extremely hesitant to expose Callie to his wrestling persona. 

“I don’t want her seeing me like that, thinking that’s who I am.”

And you understand him fully. Roman may be a fascinating character, but he’s equally narcissistic and ruthless as he is intriguing. The complete opposite of Joe and who he is. 

Still, you’ve worked to help him understand that talking to Callie, explaining to her that he’s playing a “character” could help her understand better. You both are in agreement that she’s too young to watch actual matches, especially his as they tend to get brutal, but she can see certain promos. And she does. You let her watch a couple where the dialogue is safe enough to go over her head. And truth be told, she’s so focused on watching Joe that she's not really paying attention to what’s being said anyway. 

Needless to say, you were massively relieved to hear from Jon that Joe doesn't have a match lined up and his promo is reportedly tame and safe enough for Callie’s eyes and ears. He didn’t give specifics, but from one parent to another parent, you trust his judgment. 

And the most important thing of all is the fact that Callie has done a complete 180. She’s no longer as irritable, just the usual attitude when she’s sleepy or hungry. Just like her mama. And there’s that spark of joy in her eyes. She’s even started packing what she wants to bring with her. She knows you’ll only be there for one night, but even that can’t seem to dim her joy. 

It makes your heart swell. 

All of this brings you to your conclusion that you’re doing exactly what you should be doing. 

“Ahhh, and here it is.” The old woman’s voice breaks you from your inner dialogue as she walks toward the counter, returning from the back. “Sorry about that sweetheart.”

“No worries, Mrs. Ella.” Your eyes light when you see the item in her hand, even if it’s covered by a cloth bag. The fact that it’s ready is more than enough to make you smile. “Thank you so much for agreeing to this.”

She waves off your concern, offering a warm smile. “Your grandma was one of my best friends. As far as I’m concerned, anything you need is a done deal.”

That warms your heart. Mrs. Ella has been the town seamstress for longer than you’ve been alive but doesn’t look a day over 50. She’s not lying either. Your grandma always cited her as one of her “life” sisters. 

“Why don’t we take a look to make sure it’s alright?” She offers, removing the item from the garment bag. She takes the hoodie and turns it over so you can see the back.

In awe, you acknowledge, “it’s perfect.”

Among the many things Joe has gifted Callie, WWE apparel hasn’t really been included in that list. You’ve chalked it up to his hesitation about familiarizing her with his Roman persona. However, you know that girl loves her daddy and will support him in all the things, so you took it upon yourself to pick her up a few items over the holidays. One of those things being a black hoodie with Roman’s picture on the front with him wearing one of his head of the table shirts. Wanting to make it special and personal, you had the idea of customizing it. Thus, asking Mrs. Ella to add to the back, Acknowledge my daddy!, and she did a fabulous job. It looks like that was the original design. 

Pulling out your wallet, you ask, “how much do I owe you?”

“It’s on the house.”

Your eyes snap to her. “Mrs. Ella, no, this was a rush—”

“Don’t argue with your elders, child,” she scolds, and you smile warmly. “Just show me a picture of her wearing it, and we’ll be even.”

Moved by her generosity, you offer your gratitude again. “Thank you, Mrs. Ella. Seriously. Thank you.” 

Hand over yours, she just nods and then ushers you out the door, “well, you better get a move on child.” 

With a small laugh and one more thank you, you leave out with the hoodie, excited to show Callie and even more, to see Joe’s reaction when he sees her wearing it.

“Y/N?”

Fuck. You’d know that voice anywhere, have known it since you were five years old. 

That doesn’t mean you have to heed to it.

You keep walking. 

A stupid decision, because the footsteps behind you become louder and faster as she asks, exasperated, “would you just talk to me?”

You spin around, suddenly pissed at her repeated question. “Why? Why should I talk to you?” 

You’ve dodged and ignored her texts the same way she did yours, so what’s the issue now? Being on the receiving end must be one hell of an unpleasant experience for her. Not that you give two shits. Mariah is the last thing on your plate right now.

Mariah seems taken back, and that just pisses you off more. How can she not see her wrong in this situation? “You’re my best friend, Y/N. We’ve been friends since we were in kindergarten. Does that mean nothing to you?”

“Did it mean something to you when you were fucking Amir?”

Something you can’t identify flashes in her eyes followed by apparent hurt. “Are you serious right now? You’d really believe him over me.” It’s hard to tell how sincere her watery eyes are or if they’re performative. You’ve never known her to be fake, but then again, maybe you’ve never really known her at all. “That’s fucked up.”

Finding some level of compassion and understanding for the woman you called your best friend for almost your entire life, you try to offer her the benefit of the doubt. “Okay, let’s say you’re not fucking him. At the very least, you’ve been telling him my business while ignoring my texts and calls. Like, what the fuck, Mo?” 

She shakes her head. “He came to me, worried about you—”

“He came to you nosy and upset because I cut it off with him, and you fell into his trap.” How she can possibly fall for Amir’s bullshit is beyond you. She knows how he is. Hell, she’s been right beside you, up until recent weeks/months, dealing with his bullshit. So, her excuse is just that—an excuse. “And even if he was, as my best friend, you should know that’s still girl code violation.”

It feels almost silly citing that, but the morals behind it still ring true. You would never talk to Caleb about things going on in her life when you know they’re not on good terms. And you damn sure would never fuck him. 

“Girl code?That’s funny coming from you, because you didn’t seem to to care about girl code when you were fucking another woman’s husband and had a whole ass baby for him.”

Her words stop you dead in your tracks. Any facial expression you may have been showing is dropped and neutral. Even your voice is softer, less accusatory. “Excuse me?” 

For her to say that to you, knowing how sensitive a subject that is truly takes you by surprise. Truly. 

It doesn’t stop there though. “I mean, forreal, Y/N. You’re up in my face about Amir, but aren’t you still fucking Joe? Shit, how many niggas do you need?” It’s hard to believe the words coming out her mouth, so angry and hostile. But, even her volume rising has you stumped. It’s like she wants to draw an audience. “It’s not enough to be one man’s whore, but you still gotta have another on the side?”

Truly baffled, all you can ask is, “where is this coming from?” 

She sucks her teeth, just as irritated, if not more by your question. “It’s always been this shit with you. You do whatever the fuck you want and don’t care who you hurt or betray in the process!”

And now you’re just straight up confused, because what have you ever done to her? Cause that’s what it sounds like she’s implying. Like you’ve done her wrong. Like you’ve been doing her wrong. “What are you even talking about?”

“You got Joe. You got Amir. Shit, when is enough enough for you?” She scoffs, and it’s hard for you to even look at her let alone listen to all the hurtful things she’s spewing. “Like damn, find a new hobby. Focus on raising your kid—”

And that…..that is the moment that you’re no longer confused, or hurt, or saddened to hear your best friend say such awful things. You’re pissed. Cause one thing no one can convince you you’re not, is a good mother. You’ve dedicated your entire life and being to taking care of Callie, making sure she’s straight. That’s always been your priority, and for her to suggest otherwise….those are really fighting words. 

You step toward her, finding all of the will in the world not to shatter her jaw. “You and I have so much history. It is the only reason I’m not whooping your ass right now, but know this, Mariah. This was your freebie. Fuck with me again, speak on my child again, and I’ll bash your fucking head into the nearest wall.” It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. “Stay away from me, bitch.”

You don’t give her time to respond or even yourself the chance to lay her out, you instead rush to your car, locking the door and speeding out of the parking lot. 

Your knuckles are nearly white with how tightly you’re gripping the steering wheel.

It’s been a while since you’ve been this hot. Years maybe. Amir would piss you off, sure, but never to the extent of your emotions in this moment. It truly took all resolve and imagining Callie’s disappointed face at not being able to see her dad  because you got yourself locked up for aggravated assault to keep you from beating Mariah’s ass. She knows better than anyone that you don’t play about your daughter, so for her to include Callie in her mud slinging is not only repugnant but hurtful.

She’s supposed to be Callie’s godmother. 

But beyond that, you’re having a hard time reconciling with the rest of the things she was saying. It didn’t feel like something that’s been building up over the past few months. No, this was different. Much…..deeper.

Regardless, you don’t have time to deal with this shit. You need to put your focus on preparing to bring your little girl to see her dad. 

Mariah can fuck off. 

She’s always been all bark and no bite anyway. 

________

“Mommy.”

Callie doesn’t even have to say anything else for you to know a request is to follow. 

“What's up, sis?”

She climbs on top of where you lay on the sofa, you and Alexis watching some random dating show she swears up and down is the best thing since Love is Blind. So far, you’re entirely unimpressed. Granted, reality shows of any kind have never been your cup of tea in the first place. 

Your YouTube history is mostly crime documentaries and Bloodline videos. 

She climbs on top of you, throwing her arms up and shouting, “dance party!”

Of all her typical requests, that’s one you haven’t heard in a while. 

You’ve always raised Callie with music, even back when you were pregnant, you would take your Beats and place them on your belly. It’s seemingly worked because this child loves music, so much so that you two would have random “dance party’s” where you’d blast music and dance around, no care in the world, just the two of you.

You haven’t had one in a while, but seeing Callie so happy, a stark contrast from how she’s been is more than enough to get you up and on your feet. You look over at Alexis. “Come on, Lex, it’s dance party time.” 

She feigns a gasp, looking at Callie for approval. “Do I get to come to this party?”

Callie giggles and jumps on the sofa. “Of course! Everyone can come to dance party!”

What’s also ironically funny is the fact that you and Alexis used to have dance parties all the time in your dorm, just often with much more explicit Travis Porter, Speaker Knockerz, type music and a lot of ass shaking.

“Well tonight, it’s just the three of us,” you laugh, grabbing your phone and opening your Spotify to figure out what will be your kickoff song. It’s when your eyes land on that one though, you know you’ve found it.

Connecting your phone to your Bluetooth, you confirm the connection and hit play. 

We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea

But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be

“My favorite white girl song ever!” Alexis shouts, starting to dance with Callie who’s just as excited about your selection. Together, the three of you dance and sing when the iconic chorus hits. 

If you gave me a chance I would take it

It's a shot in the dark but I'll make it

Know with all of your heart, you can't shake me

When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be

At some point, Alexis grabs your phone, recording and capturing the laughter and joy you experience dancing and being silly with your very, very best friend. Callie’s laughter could revive any soul, and it’s so genuine. Even more, you know a large chunk of it is her excitement to see her dad in a couple of days.

And that makes it all the more special. 

Eventually needing a break and time to catch your breath, you laugh as the song ends and the next one starts. Lex and Callie immediately go at it for round two, spinning around and dancing to Dance the Night. 

You take a second to check your phone, seeing that you have a Snapchat from Joe. Frowning, you open the message confused as to why he’s using that and not just text. He only has the damn app because you made him get it. He’s not very big on social media outside of occasional Instagram posts. 

Swiping it open, you see why he was messaging you on there.

Because your wonderful best friend sent him the video she recorded of the three of you dancing.

Joe: How do I save this?

Joe: Fuck it. It’s too confusing. Just send it to me.

Laughing, you chew on your bottom lip and type out a reply.

You: You’re such an old man. 😩 

You: But yes, I’ll send it, even if I didn’t know Alexis was recording to send it to you...

You: Callie loves “dance parties” lol 

Joe: I love her laugh. She looks so happy…

You: I know. ❤️ She loves music. Def my kid.

You: Skillet is next on the queue, btw. 🙃

Joe: Don’t know what that is, but if I had to take a guess, it’s some rock shit.

You: You know me so well. 😊

Joe: Of course, baby.

Leaving his thread, you realize that if she sent it to Joe, she probably posted it to your private story as well, which is fine. You only have people on there you know and trust to keep the contents within that space.

But, it’s in checking the views that you see Mariah not only watched but screen recorded your story. It’s strange, normally you wouldn’t think twice about it. She’s always screenshotted and screen recorded stuff you posted, and you did the same with Micah. 

But now…..

Now, it feels wrong to share these moments with her. She’s lost that privilege. 

Moving to your contacts, you ignore her old Snapchat name she never uses anymore and instead just block her primary one from seeing your stories, and that includes close friends. And interestingly enough, when you check your texts, you see one from her muted thread that momentarily causes you to pause.

Mariah: Kinda stupid to ice out the one person who knows everything about you. 

But the pause comes and goes, Mariah always says shit, and that’s where it stops, the saying. She’s always been the mouse of you two, and that shit ain’t changed.

Closing up the app, you switch back to Spotify and focus on what’s before you and not behind you.

You have all the people you need in your life. 

Mariah can fuck off.

[olderthannetfic]

On the topic of both "weaponizing feelings" and "people disingenously using neurodivergence to excuse bad behavior" ....one of my fandom discords had a new person join recently who would freak out and storm off anytime she faced people strongly disagreeing with stuff she said, claiming that it was a result of "trauma triggers." But she also would repeatedly hang out in places like the politics channel where debates happened regularly and where she'd had those "trauma triggers" before. She would say snarky shit that she knew would set specific people off. And she had a chronic habit of, as a white person who mostly knew other white people irl, claiming to be an expert on other cultures based on some Googling - and consistently getting pushback for that because this was a super international and diverse group of people, so in fact, there nearly always were people from the actual culture in question to correct her. But she just... kept doing this stuff. Kept going into politics and saying stupid strongly-opinionated shit, kept claiming to be experts on shit based on little knowledge and particularly culturally-sensitive shit. I'm a very debatey person, but I've met people who genuinely avoid that stuff, for triggers or out of personal preference or shyness or whatever. They only need to be told the first time. If a space is something where that's likely to happen, they avoid it. If they learn that pronouncing confidently on particular areas will get them pushback in a group, they stop doing it. (In fact I think people in general do that.) They don't go in politics channels or other places where they expect debate will happen. And so on and so forth. If you're continually seeking out those behaviors, I'm sorry but I'm just not going to buy your tears, no matter what justification you claim for them. "Trauma triggers" my ass. Either she was outright lying, or she has an issue with constantly touching the hot stove re: her triggers and that's her problem to resolve, not the server's. What was irritating though is the last time this happened, where she stormed off for seemingly good, a whole bunch of people leapt to her defense, said people who got mad at her overreacted and tried to lecture about "neurodivergent communication styles." Both people who confronted her were well known in the group as autistic and ADHD. But because their neurodivergent communication style is the blunt, argumentative kind (ngl, it's very weird that so much of nerd culture doesn't recognize that as a common ND thing, when if anything that is the stereotypical autistic communication style) rather than the uwu cryptyping kind, that apparently didn't matter. And this person who had never been anything but trouble and who had acted inconsistent with her claimed triggers was someone who got all the sympathy because she did it in Teh Sadz way. Thankfully the mods wouldn't hear it, but it was irritating to see so many other users rally around. Also got the "language barrier" excuse even though everyone on both sides was a native English speaker.

--

God, so annoying. I've seen similar things go down many times.

[ponett]

I really hope it's alright to ask, but do you support aspec people and the SAM? Most posts of yours that mention anything ace related are like 10-7 years old and sorta discoursey, so I just want to ask for my own comfort

i support ace people. my opinion on the split attraction model seems kind of pointless. it exists. people either use it to describe themselves or they don't

believe me when i say that this is with the utmost sincerity and not as a jab, but i think for your own good you should probably learn not to term search on strangers' accounts and look through decade-old posts to try and find their opinions on intracommunity discourse. for one thing, while it's understandable to some extent (we've all had people we were following turn out to be bigots at some point or another), being overly concerned with what the people you follow were saying or doing in the past or outside of your view can develop into a very real form of hypervigilance. i've been there, trust me. it's absolutely miserable. the constant paranoia that you have to check everyone's archives or their likes or their following lists or whatever to make sure they aren't secret creeps or bigots. this did nothing but make me feel even more depressed, anxious, and alienated during one of the most depressed periods of my life.

beyond that, though, people change, and people also don't necessarily post every single thing they personally believe in online. from like age 18-22 i had just come out as bi and was coming to terms with the fact that i was trans, and i was very much going through my "zeal of the convert" phase. i felt the need to display how "right" i was about queer issues online, how i knew all the "right" language, and got into a lot of pointless fights with other queer people about it because i felt like that was a valuable use of my time and energy. i bought into a lot of stupid shit back then. for example, i was briefly the type to believe that there was such a thing as "monosexual privilege" just because biphobia exists. but just because that belief might be present in a post somewhere deep in my archive, it doesn't mean i also made a later post correcting myself when i realized it was actually stupid and wrong. instead i got older and learned to shut the fuck up about pointless infighting, particularly things that are none of my business

[velvetvexations]

the fact that i've seen multiple transmascs happily reblogging/supporting the "bomb that kills all transmascs" thing makes me so fucking sad. i feel like we've understood with other issues how "ironic" edgy humor can desensitize us to the bigotry within it- but now we're just happy to let people joke about wiping a group of trans people out of existence? we have no problem with this? we're gonna normalize hatred based solely on identity and not behavior (like how theyfab claims to only target transmigoynistic transmascs)? the bomb kills all transmascs honey that includes you, TMpickmEs i never want to hear people criticizing transandrophobia theory again if this is what passes for transfeminism

It's exactly that kinna person who I was talking about when I was posting about identifying when I was getting victim blame-y and too hostile towards someone being self-destructive, because they make me sad and it's easier to hate them than sympathize. I hope they get better.

Transmasc: acts transmisogynystic because they see individual transandrophobic transfems Everyone(correct): that's bad and reactionary, you can't blame an entire group for a small portion of traumatized individuals who lash out at your group who may have been hurt by individual members of your group Transfem: acts transandrophobic because they see individual transmisogynystic transmascs Everyone (double standard): that's valid, if you've been hurt by individual members of a fellow minority group that gives you free reign to act reactionary and generalize a whole group based on the worst of it's members (this is not a universal thing, but it does exist and I've seen the double standard. I encourage calling out transmisogynystic transmascs, I just don't like the double standard in certain trans spaces. Treat reactionary thought as what it is: reactionary. No matter who it's from or against)

they fundamentally do not care about other people

why is it called transradfeminism instead of radical transfeminism?

Ask Thalia Bhatt.

I love transmasc mabel (and also transmasc ophelia) headcannons cause it's very comforting to turn the characters I related to hard when I was a kid into transmascs.

Yeah! Love that for you anon.

I wanted to thank you for your level-headed support and the platform for respectful intra-community discussions you've provided. I hope you're taking as much rest and recovery from the stresses of the Disc Horse™ as you need <3 (also, idk if you bake, but I found a really good recipe for snickerdoodles that definitely chased away some of my lingering holiday stress www.ambitiouskitchen(.)com/brown-butter-snickerdoodle-cookies/ )

oooh thank you anon!

I like how jokes about killing all transmascs are fine but TRFs are still harping on about that one guy that said something about - (not that I thought the original post was in good taste but. I do feel like jokes about killing all transmascs are worse actually) Now that I type it out it's kinda horrifying that there's so many people that are theoretically supportive of trans people that think those joked are okay actually.. somehow internalized it as normal till just now

TRFs would say that post was code for something worse but idk if "we're open about wanting to murder an entire group of marginalized people" is a W

- was just stirring shit up with the gravity falls discourse to distract from her only answers to questions about 'tme/tma' language is to call people stupid and tell them they are lying about their experiences.

As usual.

The thing with “Dipper can’t be trans because then Mabel would be transphobic!!” Is that I’ve seen so many posts on this site that have had no problem intentionally interpreting a characters actions as transphobic for the purpose of transfem headcanons? That’s usually don’t get push back? Even though I’m usually against intentionally trying to portray a character who isn’t bigoted in the source material as bigoted for no reason other than headcanons or jokes I don’t understand what the difference is here?

the difference is that it's a transmasc headcanon

My hot take is that both Dipper and Mabel are transmasc, but Dipper has always known and socially transitioned very early, and Mabel will be hit with the "oh fuck I am also a man" realization in his 20s in the same way a Looney Tunes critter would be with an anvil or perhaps a piano.

such a funny image lmao and very in-character

[fizzigigsimmer]

Back At One Part 2

Pairing: Caligator, Billy Hargrove x Gator Tillman

Fandom Fusion: Stranger Things & Fargo S5

Dom/Sub au

*Title taken from this truly sappy love song by Brian McKnight that these boys would NEVER admit was kinda okay lol.

<<<<PART I

“When is that fella of yours gonna make an honest man out of you?" Dot asks, just as Gator reaches for the pans stacked on top of the fridge, and he jerks, pulling too quickly, sending a cookie sheet clattering toward the kitchen floor - he just manages to save it. Scotty raises the cover of her book to hide her face, but his ears work just fine and he hears her snicker.

"What do you mean?" he gripes as he fumbles with the cookware. This is what he gets for trying to do something nice for his boyfriend on his birthday. "Billy's already registered as my dominant."

Which means if Gator really does burn the house down trying to make this fucking cake, Billy can have the honor of identifying his barbecued remains and save Dot the trouble.

Dot’s giving him this look though. Like she can see right through his bullshit. Let's get real. She always could read him like a book and play him like a fiddle.

“Alright, lets bake this mother fu-uuning,cake” Gator self corrects, remembering Scotty at the last minute. Shit that was close. Dot only has a few rules for when they’re together: no talking about the past when Scotty’s in earshot and no potty mouth. She literally calls it that. It’s kind of annoying though, cause the kid is like twelve right? Gator could curse in three different languages by the time he was twelve. But apparently that’s not the thing to be proud of that he thought it was when he was twelve.

“Real nice save Hon.” Dot laughs at him.

“Yeah yeah. Let’s just do this.” Gator grumbles in reply, and they do. 

Dot ties an apron around Gator's waist and hands him a mixing bowl while Scotty eagerly climbs up on a stool to read out the recipe as they work. She’s only meant to be walking him through the basics of a simple white cake with Billy’s name spelled out on it, but somehow the kitchen quickly descends into chaos. 

"Okay, first we need to cream the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy," Scotty reads.

Gator dumps an entire stick of butter and a heaping cup of sugar into the bowl. He picks up the electric mixer and jams it in after, cause that much he can figure out for himself. Only it sends a plume of sugar into the air the minute he powers it on. 

“Holy shit!”

"No, silly!" Scotty giggles. "You have to soften the butter first or it won't mix right."

Grumbling, Gator fishes the hard butter out of the bowl and tosses it into the microwave. A few seconds later, there's a loud pop - because he’s a fucking idiot and apparently it doesn’t take more than a few seconds to warm butter. One glance inside confirms the worst: the stick is now a molten mess, and butter drips down the microwave door.

"Oh honey," Dot sighs, grabbing a towel to wipe up the mess. "Just grab another stick and leave it on the counter for a bit to soften."

“Jesus. Come on. Get your head in the game!” Gator admonishes himself, trying to shake off his embarrassment and the feeling of shame welling up inside of him from fucking up something so simple. “I have cooked before. I’m just -”

What? Nervous? Fucking stupid? What else is there to say when he can’t even melt butter.

Dot lays a hand on his back. She doesn’t need to say anything, and she doesn’t as she hands him a clean bowl and Scotty reads out from Dot’s phone that it’s time to sift the dry ingredients together. He upends the bag of flour over the sifter, and thinks it might be too much. It definitely is, because he doesn’t get more than a few taps in before flour has started to overflow everywhere, dusting his hands and the arms of his black t-shirt. But hey, some of it is getting into the bowl.

Somehow with Dot's patient guidance and Scotty's enthusiastic "assistance", they manage to get the cake batter mixed and poured into pans. Gator slides them into the oven, sets the timer, and leans back against the counter with a sigh, his shirt and jeans thoroughly dusted with flour, bits of batter streaked in between.

Dot chuckles as she hands him a damp towel. "Well, that was an adventure. I think Billy will appreciate the effort you put in, even if it's not perfect."

Gator wipes his hands and grumbles. "It better turn out decent after all that. I still think I shoulda gotten him something else though. Something big, to really wow him, y'know?"

Dot studies him for a long moment, and then finally broaches the subject that has been festering like a smelly turd in the corner of the room.

"Want to talk about what happened at the store today?"

No. No he really fucking doesn’t. Gator turns to snap on the faucet, thinking that he’d like to stick his head under it and drown himself right about now. He focuses intently on scrubbing the batter caked on his nails instead.

"Nothin' happened. She was a stuck-up bitch is all. Lookin' down on me like I'm nothin' just 'cause I ain't some fancy dom in a suit."

He hears Dot murmur something quietly to Scotty about going to get her things together, and grunts in acknowledgment when the twerp says a shy goodbye before slipping from the room. He immediately feels like shit, because Dot can’t really punish him anymore - it’s not her place, and she’s got too much respect for Billy to overstep - but she can take away the one thing she knows he really wants. He wasn’t ready for them to leave, but he can’t blame Dot for not wanting her kid around him when he’s like this.

Her family is not something that Dot plays around with, and Gator might be someone she cares about, but there’s a stark line between whatever the hell they are to each other and the beautiful thing Nadine - fuck - Dot, built for herself with her own grit and guts in the aftermath of the Tillmans.

He understands. He gets it. He does. And yet he still flinches when she speaks again, body somehow unprepared for her to still be there even though he would have heard her leave if she wasn’t.

"She shouldn't have treated you that way," Dot says softly. "But Gator, how you reacted wasn’t like you. I haven’t seen you do something that rash in a long time. What’s this really about?”

Gator's jaw clenches and his hands still, suds dripping from his fingers into the sink. The air grows heavy with all the things unsaid between them.

"It’s nothin'. Alright?" he mutters unconvincingly. "I lost my cool is all. Won't happen again."

Dot sighs and leans her hip against the counter next to him, arms crossed. Her eyes are filled with gentle understanding and he hates it. Hates how much it reminds him of his mom, and all the times after, when she was gone and it was Dot standing in her place, filling the void as best she could. Hates most of all that he’s never been strong enough to resist the comfort Dot offers and the temptation to fall apart in her arms. She was his safety, even when safety was a lie and she was just a kid who couldn’t do shit to keep herself safe, let alone him.

But no matter how hard Gator had tried, he’d never stopped needing someone to lean on and take him apart and clean out his rust and dust, to put back together again good as new. That’s his curse, the sub in him, which is hard to swallow most days but Billy makes it better. No one does any of that for him like Billy Hargrove does. Even when Gator makes it hard on him, Billy always knows just which way he’s bent and how to fix it. Yeah it bugs the shit out of him, but he wouldn’t know what the hell to do with himself now without it. If Billy left he’d -

Stop that shit! He flinches away from the thoughts, and reminds himself for the umpteenth time that Billy isn’t going to leave him over some dumb shit like a lame birthday gift. He needs to just quit already. Why can’t he make the thoughts stop?

"You've been doing so well lately, Gator. Really making progress in therapy, communicating better when you’re dropping... What happened today?" Dot presses again.

Gator's throat works as he swallows hard. His hands clench the edge of the sink, knuckles going white. He doesn’t want to talk about this but maybe it will help. God he hopes it helps.

"I just... I wanted to get him somethin' special, y'know? Somethin' to show him how much he means to me." His voice cracks slightly on the last word and Dot's face softens. She reaches for him, laying a hand on his shoulder. 

"Oh honey... Billy knows how much you love him. You don't need fancy gifts to prove that."

"Don't I though?" Gator argues, a bitter edge creeping into his tone. "He does so much for me, Dot. Takes such good care of me, even when I'm a pain in the ass. And, like when am I not a pain in the ass, huh? You were gonna kick his ass and like send him to the Gulag. How am I worth that?”

Dot laughs, giving Gator's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Listen to me. You are a pain in the ass, but only when you’re trying so hard not to be the sweet, kind, and wonderful man I know you are. You're a good boy, Gator. You always have been. And yes, at first I was worried when I found out your Saftey-Dom had a thing for you. Who wouldn’t be?”

Gator shrugs away her very good point - doms who are employed to counsel and provide subs with therapeutic care are bound by a strict code of ethics. Billy could have been in deep shit if anyone other than Dot had found out about their relationship before Billy stopped being his therapy dom.

“I kissed him Dot, and he never let it happen again while I was still just a case.” Gator laments. “That’s what I’m talking about though, all I could do was think with my dick - meanwhile I could have seriously fucked up his life. And he still took care of me!”

“He did. Which is what convinced me he’s the best thing for you.” Dot says. “It’s because he loves you for who you are, flaws and all."

Gator shakes his head, jaw tight. "You don't get it, Dot. I'm not...I'm not good like you keep saying. The shit that goes through my head sometimes…”

He trails off, shame burning hot in his gut. He can't even bring himself to say it out loud. But with Dot he doesn’t need to. 

She was there through the worst of it. She’s seen the worst of him. Shit Billy knows about, but hasn’t seen. Hasn’t really lived it, the way Dot had to live it, and maybe that’s why Gator’s been fucking everything up. 

Maybe he’s trying to see once and for all whether or not someone who isn’t trauma bonded to him will stay once they see him for what he really is.

"I know I'm fucked up, alright? I know I got a long way to go before I'm anything close to the kinda sub Billy deserves.” He tries to shrug off the admission like the words aren’t sending pain twisting inside him like a knife.

But Dot, perceptive as always, cups Gator's face, turning him back to meet her gentle gaze. "Oh honey... Is that what this is about? You want Billy to collar you?"

Gator's breath hitches. Hearing it stated so plainly sends a jolt through him, equal parts longing and terror. He jerks away from Dot's touch, arms wrapping defensively around himself.

"No! I mean... Fuck, I don't know," he stammers, the words tangling on his tongue.

Dot is quiet for a long moment, letting his confession settle heavily between them. When she speaks again, her tone is thoughtful.

"Have you talked to Billy about this? About wanting his collar?"

Gator barks out a harsh laugh. "No. No fuckin' way. He'd probably laugh in my face if I did.”

Dot's brow furrows, her eyes shadowed with concern as she clicks her tongue in admonishment. "I don’t believe you really think that for a second. That Billy would laugh at you for expressing your needs."

Gator's shoulders hunch, defensive. He keeps his gaze fixed resolutely on the mixing bowl in the sink, watching the dregs of batter slowly dissolve under the running tap. The sweet scent of vanilla and butter hangs heavy in the air, incongruously cheerful.

"I didn't say I needed it," he mutters. "I'm just sayin'... a guy like me askin' for a collar. It's funny right? Like, I’m not some needy bitch who needs a collar to keep from dropping, and I don’t need Billy thinking he gets to boss me around more than he already does. Guy’s an absolute control freak."

"Uh-huh and you love it. I've seen the two of you together. The way Billy is with you... It's special. He'd move heaven and earth to make you happy. To give you what you need." Dot says. Her voice is soft but sure.

Gator swallows thickly, his eyes stinging. He blinks rapidly, determined not to let the tears building behind his lids fall. "Sure. Why hasn’t he done it then? I’d put that shit down in two seconds, but he hasn’t even tried. Y’know?"

And the reason why is obvious. Yeah, there’s the fact that Gator doesn’t need a collar, but even if he wanted one he’s too much work, too damaged.

Dot sighs heavily, like he said the last part out loud.

"Honestly Honey, I think you should think about it from his perspective. With the way you talk about it... He may not realize how much this would mean to you. Billy does a good job, making sense of what’s going on in that squirrel head of yours but he’s not superman. Talk to him.”

Gator grunts noncommittally. Because hell no. He will not be begging his dom to collar him any time soon thanks, but he doesn’t want her to worry either. 

Dot says she has to get Scotty home in time to start dinner and he follows her out to the front door where Scotty is waiting with Dot's purse and her school bag. He sees them off with a wave and a promise to attend some talent show at Scotty’s school next week. Dot gives him a kiss on the cheek, urges him to talk to Billy one more time and reminds him that her mother-in-law knows the president, and really can get Billy thrown in the gulag if he really does laugh in Gator’s face.

And then he’s alone. Alone with his thoughts. Which is frankly the best way to be. Gator can think much more clearly about this now that Dot’s not here, reminding him of the past and making him feel weaker than he actually is. He can totally still salvage this situation. He’ll just make the cake really impressive. Like those 3D ones that look like real shit? Billy loves to chill with him on the weekend and watch that show where people try and guess which random item is cake or not. Gator’s usually tied up, plugged or gagged when that happens so his memories are a little hazy - but it doesn’t look that hard. It’s just cake right?

When the timer goes off Gator brings the cake out of the oven.

He whips out his phone and starts scrolling through cake decorating videos on YouTube, determined to find something suitably impressive. His eyes light up when he spots a tutorial for a realistic 3D surfboard cake, uploaded by some fruit calling himself Barry Bakes. He doesn’t really want to take advice from some dude with pink hair, a full face of makeup, wearing a sparkly crop top with the word TWINK encrusted on the front, but the cake is undeniably badass.

"Alright, let's do this," Gator mutters, cracking his knuckles. He fast forwards through the beginning of the video, impatient to get to the good stuff.

First step - carving the cakes into a surfboard shape. Easy enough. Gator grabs a serrated knife and starts hacking away at the layers, tongue poking out the corner of his mouth in concentration. Crumbs fly everywhere as he saws off uneven chunks. When he's done, he steps back to survey his work. It...sort of looks like a surfboard. If you squint. And tilt your head to the side.

Next up - the "ocean" frosting. Gator mixes a batch of blue buttercream, dumping in what is probably way too much food coloring, but whatever at least he softened the butter without blowing up the microwave this time.

Gator continues to follow along with Barry Bakes' tutorial, growing increasingly frustrated as each step seems to go awry. The blue buttercream frosting he mixed up is a garish turquoise color from the excessive food dye. It's also too thin and runny, dripping off the cake in gloopy rivulets.

He blames Barry, that fucking fruit, because if he weren’t so hell bent on turning everything into some kinda innuendo maybe Gator could actually concentrate on what he is doing!

"Shit shit shit," Gator grumbles under his breath, frantically trying to smooth the messy frosting over the lopsided surfboard shape he carved. It's a losing battle. The cake looks like a melted smurf.

Next, Barry cheerfully pipes delicate white frosting swirls and curls to create realistic seafoam on his perfectly smooth blue surfboard. Reminding the audience that big tips are better for piping, and everybody loves a good pipe.

Gator glares at the screen. His own piping bag is loaded with frosting that's somehow both too stiff and too drippy at the same time. When he tries to pipe, it comes out in sad, deflated spurts. He can only imagine what Barry would have to say about that.

"Motherf-!" Gator bites off the curse, chucking the piping bag down on the counter. This was a stupid idea. He's no baker, who was he kidding? He should've just bought Billy a damn gift card like a normal person.

Dejected, Gator slumps against the counter, hanging his head. Failure churns in his gut, sharp and nauseating. He can't give this monstrosity to Billy. He just can’t. Can’t bear to watch him try to hide his disappointment.

Frustrated and embarrassed, Gator gives up on trying to salvage the cake. In a fit of pique, he grabs a spatula and starts roughly shaping the blue frosted mess, not even bothering to smooth it out anymore. He carves angry slashes and gouges into the cake's surface with the edge of the spatula.

Before he even fully realizes what he's doing, the cake has taken on a new, crude shape under his hands - a lumpy, misshapen hand with the middle finger extended in an unmistakable gesture of "fuck you".

Gator steps back, breathing hard, and stares at his handiwork. The hand is far from anatomically correct, with uneven sausage-like fingers and a palm that curves at an odd angle. Globs of sticky frosting cling to the digits in gloopy turquoise clumps. The raised middle finger lists slightly to the side, like it's too heavy to hold itself up properly.

It's possibly the ugliest cake Gator has ever seen. So ugly it crosses the line twice and becomes perversely impressive in its sheer awfulness. A surprised, slightly unhinged laugh bubbles up from his chest as he takes it in.

This is what he has to show for his efforts. This fuck-ugly, lewd gesture of a cake, cobbled together from the dregs of his failure. It suits him.

“Yeah don’t know what the fuck else I expected.” Gator grumbles, despondent. He goes to the fridge to fetch a beer and tabs it open roughly, determined to drink thoughts of the stupid cake away. 

He’s not crying over cake like some lame ass. It’s whatever. It’ll probably still taste good, and if Billy doesn’t like it he can throw it in the trash. They’ll order a pizza or something and Gator will ride him till his dick goes numb and call it a night. Happy birthday.

Gator stomps to the bedroom he and Billy share and pulls out the trunk where he keeps his hunting gear from under the bed, because it’s been awhile since he polished his knives and that always helps lift his mood. He takes the trunk out to the living room and gets to work. Ques up his workout playlist on his phone and connects it to the TV so he can put it on blast.

It helps a little. Allows him time not to think. But the time gets away from him, because he doesn’t even hear the sound of the front door opening and closing. 

Billy's entrance is marked by the faint scrape of his boots against the hardwood floor as he turns the corner into the living room. He pauses briefly, taking in the scene before him—Gator, surrounded by an array of gleaming knives, his trunk spilling open on the coffee table, and the ear splitting rifts of heavy metal blaring from the television speakers.

A faint smile tugs at Billy's lips as the dom sets down his bag and sheds his leather jacket, revealing the broad contours of his chest hugged by a tight white T-shirt. The room is thick with the scent of metal and leather, a comforting familiarity that wraps around Billy like a second skin. He approaches Gator slowly, noiselessly, his gaze fixed not on the array of blades but on the man holding them as gently as baby chicks.

Billy casts a long shadow across the coach and Gator finally notices him. He jumps up, fumbling the knife in his hands which clatters to the floor. The music crescendos, a dramatic backdrop to the moment. Gator lowers the volume, and whips around to glare at Billy who laughs at the fright he gave him.

“Hey, Baby Gay.”

“Don’t call me that!” Gator snaps. “And don’t sneak up on me. I was like, this close to killing you!”

“Oh?” Billy arches a mocking brow. “Probably shouldn’t have dropped the knife then.”

“Haha. Very funny asshole. You’re lucky I did,” Gator grumbles in reply, bending down to pick up the fallen knife. “You know how sharp one of these babies are? With one o’ these I can cut through the shell on a coconut just like that.”

He flicks his wrist to demonstrate the ease with which he could peel Billy’s flesh off, and Billy gives him this look - like Gator is just fucking adorable - and it’s god damn condescending, is what it is. But it also makes the back of Gator’s neck tingle with awareness, and his dick try to get hard. So yeah.

It’s probably a good thing that Billy’s so distracted anyway. Because swearing at his dom is firmly against their rules on account of the fact that Gator uses it as some kinda defense mechanism to keep Billy at arms length.

Or that’s what Billy said anyway when he made the stupid rule. Gator doesn’t make the rules here, he just follows them.

“I’ll count myself lucky then. I think I’ll get a beer. You want one killer?” Billy asks, already on his way to the kitchen. 

FUCK! The Kitchen. Gator remembers too late that he forgot to clean up and do something with that awful cake and scampers after him.

Billy strides into the kitchen before Gator can stop him.

His stomach knots as Billy pauses, his gaze landing on the misshapen dessert surrounded by strewn icing bags, crumbs and powdered sugar. Slowly a grin spreads across Billy's face, and blue eyes sparkle as he turns to look at Gator, where he lingers hesitantly in the kitchen doorway.

"Is this cake trying to tell me something?" he teases, amusement rich in his voice. He leans forward slightly to inspect the cake more closely. "Is this your way of telling me you don’t want to sixty-nine later, or is it a failed science experiment? Hard to tell."

Gator feels heat rush to his face, embarrassment mixed with irritation bubbling in his chest. He knows Billy is just poking fun, yet it stings, tapping into that deep-seated insecurity instilled by years under his father's critical eye.

"Scotty was here with Dot and it gave us something to do. That’s all," Gator mumbles defensively, his words sharper than intended. Then, unable to stop the words from tumbling out recklessly, he adds, "Just thought it would be nice to share, but you don’t have to have any if you’re just going to be an asshole."

As soon as the words are out, Gator regrets them. Swearing at Billy is one thing, but lying to him breaks one of their most cardinal rules. It’s not just about respect; it’s about trust.

Billy’s expression shifts subtly; the playful light in his eyes dims as he adopts a more serious demeanor. He closes the distance between them with measured steps. "Gator," he says softly yet firmly, "That’s the second time you’ve pulled that tonight. Watch it.”

Gator snaps his mouth shut and fumes silently, hanging his head. God, Billy sounds so disappointed in him and it’s worse than he even imagined.He wants to puke.

“Did Scotty really make this?” Billy asks, and Gator can tell just from his tone that Billy already knows the answer, but he’s waiting for Gator to fess up to it. Gator shakes his head, hot tears stinging at his eyes that he blinks away as rapidly as he can.

“It’s for you.” He confesses, feeling a weight lift off his chest despite his overall misery. “I made it for your birthday, and you made fun of it.”

“I did.” Billy acknowledges too easily for Gators liking, but before he can say anything Billy goes on. “I could have handled that better. You’re right. But before we get to that, don’t you have anything to say to me?”

“No. Can’t think of anything.” Gator immediately denies, because how is it fair that he has to apologize for a little white lie when he only did it in the first place because he knew Billy was going to laugh. He knew it.

“Oh?” Billy’s face is impassive but he’s unhappy with Gators answer. It crackles in the air between them. “Do you need a reminder of the rules?"

Gator swallows hard, defiance battling with remorse inside him. He shrugs stiffly, avoiding Billy’s gaze. “Let's just forget it. I don’t need a lecture right now.”

“I’ll decide whether you do or not.” Billy’s tone is calm but carries an undeniable edge of authority—one that sends shivers down Gator’s spine and fear bolting through him all at once. “You know, I was looking forward to a nice night with my boy. Didn’t know I was coming home to a brat.”

Gator ignores the voice inside that screams for him to stop stop stop, barreling ahead in desperate angry defiance.

“Fuck you and what you want! Maybe I want a boyfriend who knows how to lighten up huh?  Sorry I’m not your perfect little bitch. Go cry about it to someone else!” 

His insides shake from the fear and lingering tension. Gator has just royally pissed off his dom. It’s in Billy’s eyes and the slow exhale of breath he takes. Punishment is inevitable. Gator longs to take it back but he can’t - can never take it back - and nothing will fix it. Or fix him. He’s all wrong inside and nothing works no matter how hard he tries.

But the thing is, Billy is safe.

Billy is angry and Gator is terrified and trembling but It’s nothing like it was before, in his father’s house. When the fear of a hand went bone deep and lived in his nightmares.

Gator loves Billy’s hands. They way they touch him. The way they hold him fast and glue him back together. They’ve never let him down those hands, which is why Gator is shaking like a leaf right now, terrified that they won’t reach for him.

He didn’t yell those things at Billy because he wants more space. It’s stupid, he knows, but he yelled them because he needs Billy to take over. He can’t stop himself running full speed ahead toward a punishment. Billy will straighten him out. He can trust Billy to know what to do even when he’s lost sense of which way he’s turned.

Gator’s dom considers him for a long moment, the silence stretching taut between them.

“Go in our room and get me a paddle.” Billy finally orders. Then, deliberately turning away, he starts rummaging through the kitchen cupboards - no doubt in his mind apparently that Gator will obey him.

Of course he does. Knees shaking, Gator stumbles out of the kitchen because now that he’s driven them to this point his skin is crawling with the need to make it right. He’s aching with the need to be good so bad his knees feel like jelly and it’s everything he can do just to follow the order. He wants to hit the floor - go to his belly and plead for his dom’s forgiveness but that’s not what Billy asked for.

He will be good. He’ll make Billy forget that mouthy idiot who talked back and clearly had shit for brains. He can be such a good boy. The best boy! Just give him a chance and he’ll come wagging his fucking tail.

It’s pathetic.

But it’s also a relief, when he returns to the kitchen a few minutes later with a paddle from their toy chest and sets it on the table and Billy acknowledges it with an approving nod.

“Good boy.” he says, and Gator’s knees buckle. He catches himself on the table, holds himself up with palms pressed firmly to the wood because Billy hasn’t told him to kneel yet. He forces himself to focus on Billy as the dom takes an empty glass vase inexplicably sitting next to a bag of rice on the table, and places it on the floor between their feet.

Gator watches warily as next, Billy grabs the open bag of rice and tilts it sending a stream of white grains cascading down onto the tile. He stops when the bag is empty and kneels briefly to stir through them gently with his fingers before straightening and meeting Gator’s eyes again.

“Pants off.” he orders, and Gator sucks in a breath. He doesn’t have to ask why, and doesn’t bother, cheeks hot with shame as he reaches for his belt and gets to work.

"On the floor," BIlly commands softly, when Gator is down to his underwear. The dom points to the pile of rice on the floor.

"Kneel."

And Gator folds like fucking cake batter, sweet sweet relief coursing through his veins. He puts himself at Billy’s feet where he belongs, where he wants to be and shudders, biting his lip to stop himself from begging for the dom’s touch. He hasn’t earned that. Doesn’t make him want it less, but he can be good for Billy and prove when he remembers how.

Billy picks up the paddle that Gator chose – sleek and dark, crafted from polished walnut. As Gator settles on his haunches, head lowered in submission.

“You picked the heavy one. My favorite.” Billy remarks. “That why you picked it, or do you just really need to feel it tonight? You can answer.”

“Want to feel it.” Gator licks his lips. “Want you to be happy.”

“Good boy.” Billy says, leaving Gator to wonder which he is pleased with: that Gator wants his ass beat so raw he can’t sit or Gator wanting those things because they please his dom?

“Alright Baby, are you listening? I want you to pick those up and put them in the vase. Count each one,” Billy instructs, motioning toward the scatter of grains. His voice is firm. It brooks no argument.

Gator looks down at the nearly indistinguishable mass of tiny grains and feels a rush of frustration. "All of them?" His voice is a mix of incredulity and unease. What if he can’t do it? What if he can’t be good and Billy is disappointed in him again?

“Every last one Baby boy," Billy confirms with an implacable nod. “Don’t think about it. It’s not your job right now to think. Just do what I ask you to do. Can you do that?”

Gator takes a deep breath, steadies himself on the sound of Billy’s voice and nods. He can do that. He can follow Billy’s instructions. He doesn’t have to worry about ho much rice there is or whether he can even find it all. That’s not his to worry about. Not his place. He just has to listen. 

He reaches out shakily to touch the closest grain, his voice barely audible as he starts, “One… two… three…” His fingers tremble slightly; counting each grain feels like an impossible task. But Billy never sets him up for failure - not the way his dad used to. Billy doesn’t ask him to do things he’s not capable of just to fail. He asks Gator for things he knows he can do, and if he fails anyway it’s because Billy wants to be there when he breaks. He won’t leave Gator laden with shame and misery that will eat away at his insides.

As Gator focuses on the rice, Billy steps behind him. Without warning, he brings the paddle down gently but firmly across Gator's backside. The sound cracks sharply in the air, followed by another count from Gator's lips that judders from the impact.

“Four… five…”

Billy administers each swat in time with Gator’s counting—methodical and paced.

The pain is not harsh but it accumulates with each slap—the stinging warmth spreading across Gator’s skin contrasting starkly with the coolness of the floor beneath his knees and hands. Tears prickle at Gator’s eyes as he continues—his voice breaks around “twenty-nine… thirty…” 

It’s more than just physical pain; it's a release valve for all he’s been holding inside. Every impact sends ripples through him, but it’s not just his body. It does something to his soul too that he can’t explain. Something he no longer wants to deny.

“Let it out,” Billy murmurs close to his ear between paddles—a soothing contrast to the sharp swats.

“Thirty-one… thirty-two…” The numbers start blurring together as sobs hitch in his throat. The task which seemed merely frustrating at first now feels poignant— slowly, bit by bit, Gator cleans up the mess on the floor, and swat by swat Billy cleans up the mess inside. He doesn’t hit Gator after every grain, that would be excessive. He takes breaks at interment periods, spacing them out so that it’s impossible for Gator to try and guess when he might start up again. The fresh sting whenever he does is brutal, worse in some ways than if he had just continued until Gator’s cheeks were numb.

“Two-hundred and ten…” 

Billy pauses, placing his hand gently on Gator's shoulder as he surveys his progress.

"You’re doing well," he encourages softly, and that little praise, that nothing bit of touch, is enough to break him. Gator chokes on a sob, hot tears spilling down his cheeks despite his best efforts to hold them in.

“Keep going.” Billy reminds him and Gator nods emphatically, tears dripping off his chin, because he hadn’t meant to stop. He was doing so well. Billy said so. He’ll never stop. Not until Billy tells him too.

With shaking hands Gator pinches grains of rice between his fingers and continues to count aloud between sobs and hits from the paddle—each number spoken is more than just an acknowledgement of rice grains; but of his submission to Billy. 

Billy’s little murmurs of praise and sounds of pleasure make him feel high. Like his head is floating in the clouds.

He loves subspace. Wishes it were easier for him to reach and he didn’t have to be taken down so hard. But finally he feels the familiar edges of it and the tears fall faster as he lets himself go.

Gator sinks into the feeling of weightlessness as it rises up to take him. Billy maintains a rhythm that is both firm and considerate, attuned to Gator's responses—his body language, his breathing, his blown out pupils and slurred speech. 

This is no longer about punishment. It’s a guided breakdown.

As Gator’s cries begin to subside into quiet murmurs and his ability to speak leaves him, Billy lessens the intensity of his strikes until he stops altogether. 

“That’s enough. You were beautiful Baby.” Billy halts Gator’s hands woozly still trying to lift rice and the sub sags against him. “You’re always so good for me baby boy.”

He brushes his fingertips along Gator's heated skin, tracing the raised welts along his buttocks and thighs softly, and making him shiver. Gator’s mouth stretches in a dopey lopsided smile, beaming from inside and out. He soars. Works his mouth to ask Billy to do it again - he can take more - but can’t get past the mushmouth.

The room is heavy with the scent of sweat and leather, the only sound now the quiet thud of Billy’s heart and Gator’s shaky breaths.

Hands roam over Gator’s back and legs, soft, soothing caresses that glide over his flushed skin. Billy leans close, his breath warm against the nape of Gator’s neck, whispering reassurances that float through his head like feathers.

The shift is gentle, a tender transition as Gator's breathing evens out and his trembling subsides. Billy’s hands are confident, knowing exactly where to touch to bring Gator back from the intense high of subspace. With each calculated stroke on his back and whisper against his ear, Gator feels the ground slowly come back under him, the weightlessness dissipating as reality takes hold once more.

Billy finally eases back, giving space for Gator to gather himself in the afterglow of their session. He cups Gator’s face tenderly, wiping away the trails left by tears with his thumbs. 

“Talk to me, Gator. What’s been eating at you?”

The use of his real name pulls Gator further out of his dazed state. He blinks slowly, focusing on Billy’s concerned face, grounding himself. “I... I’m scared,” he admits, voice still hoarse.

“Scared of what?” Billy probes gently, petting the long side of Gator’s hair now.

“I’m scared I’m not enough for you,” he confesses, dropping his gaze to where their fingers are entwined. He knows the words will hurt Billy. Make his dominant frown in the middle of his brow and start thinking of all the ways Neil Hargrove used to tell him he was a waste of space - too broken and wrong to ever take proper care of a sub. Nothing could be further from the truth. But if there’s one thing Gator knows it’s daddy issues and how they can haunt you.

But to his surprise Billy’s expression doesn’t change. He just nods quietly, still petting Gator’s hair. “Why would you think that?”

Gator hesitates, lips parting but no sound coming out. He swallows hard and shrugs.

“Listen to me Baby.” Billy says after a moment, fisting Gator’s hair between his fingers and tugging until he brings his eyes up. “You’re what I want. You. Even when you’re being a greasy dirtbag leaving your shit everywhere and blaring your candyass music.”

“Hey, lay off my Skyfire man.” Gator can’t help but smile, because Billy’s lips have curved up in amusement and they’ve had this argument a dozen times or more and it just makes him feel so good, that Billy pays attention to which albums he gravitates to depending on his moods. “They aren’t candy. Fractal is the best album produced since Reign In Blood.”

“Why are we talking about fucking Slayer, or Skyfire, right now when Ride the Lightning exists?” Billy growls, tugging on Gator’s hair until his scalp stings just the sweetest bit. “I should beat your ass again just for that.“

“Yeah. If you wanna.” he pants, eager, and Billy’s smiling mouth kisses him, hot and hungry. Billy licks into Gator’s mouth, possessive and sweeping, until he whimpers. The dom nips at his plump lower lip with a grin before pulling back.

“Don’t think you realize how sore you’re gonna be when you come down off this high babe.” He says. “But you heard me right? When I said I loved you? Cause I do. I wasn’t about to lose you before over shitty timing, and I’d never let anything take you from me now. Not Dot. Not him. Not anyone or anything. Okay?”

Gator shivers, but even the mention of his father can’t intrude on the blanket of safety Billy has woven around him, the sure way his gaze holds Gator and rings with truth.

“Yeah.” he sighs, breathless.

“Yeah?”

But it’s not good enough, according to Billy’s tightening grip. And fuck that feels good. Gator is suddenly aware of how hard he is in his briefs, but it’s strangely distant. Like he’d be happy to just sit here hard for another hour or more, letting Billy play with him.

“Yes Billy.”

“Good boy.” Billy's voice is soft, infused with a warmth that seeps into Gator's bones, coaxing his tight muscles to loosen.The room around them—their living room with its deep blue walls and plush gray couches— disappears momentarily, focusing all existence on their intimate bubble.

Billy lifts Gator’s chin so their eyes meet. "Nah nah, stay up for me Baby boy. I need you present." His thumbs brush under Gator’s eyes, rubbing warmth into his skin while he waits for Gator’s eyes to focus. "I think it’s time I show you something," Billy continues, when Gator’s gaze is clear once more.

"In the bedroom," Billy instructs softly, "In my sock drawer, there's a small white box. I want you to go and bring it to me."

Gator feels a jolt run through him. It shocks him rather unpleasantly back to reality, like he’s been dropped from a short height.

“Wait what?” he tries to ask, tries to think, because Billy can’t be hinting at what his muddled brain is trying to convince him he is. Can he?

“Shh. Don’t ask questions.” Billy warns. “And absolutely no peeking either. Just go get it.”

Gator’s movements are slow and automatic as he stands and makes his way down the hallway. This isn’t happening. Well obviously it is, he is on his way to their bedroom to open Billy’s drawer - which is strictly hands off unless he has permission - and get some mysterious box. But it’s probably like some new toy they can enjoy together. Maybe Billy went out and finally got those chains Gator found on that web store, the ones with the studs that dig into your wrists the more you struggle? He’s going to feel so owned wearing those. It’s gonna be great.

He’s convinced himself down off the ledge by the time he gets to the bedroom, but his heart hasn’t gotten the memo because it starts going double time in his chest as he reaches for Billy’s drawer. It slips open smoothly under his fingers which are trembling slightly. From fear or excitement, he isn't sure.

Inside lies a small white box, unassuming in its simplicity yet Gator just stands there and stares at it like it’s a bomb for a full minute before lifting it from its nest among Billy's socks. The weight of potential futures presses down upon him as he clutches the box in his hands.

He should be a good boy. He can just turn and go back into the living room and - Fuck it! Gator’s not kidding anyone. Least of all himself.

Before he knows it, Gator has torn off the ribbon and lifted the lid on the box to peek inside.

And there lies a beautiful black leather collar, its surface smooth and flawless except for the bold engraving of 'GATOR' studded across it in shining silver letters.

Gator stares at it in disbelief, eyes flooding with fresh tears. His heart trips over itself in his chest, thrumming against his ribcage like a caged bird desperate for flight.

The room is silent except for the sound of Gator's shallow, ragged breathing. Gator runs his fingers over the cool, shining letters that form his name, the studs scraping against the pads of his fingers sending tingles through him.

He lifts the collar, feeling its weight in his hands. It's heavier than it looks. He brings it closer, inhaling deeply—the leather smells rich and earthy. It’s the good shit. Supple and strong enough to take some serious pull, and yet the inside of the collar is lined with soft velvet, ensuring his comfort.

Something white resting on the blue lining of the box catches Gator’s eye. It’s a folded card, its crisp edge nearly taller than the sides of the box. Gently plucking it up, Gator flicks it open and scans, eyes widening at the one word message inside.

Peeker!

An unexpected burst of laughter escapes him as he wipes away tears. The simple word on the card speaks volumes, but so does Billy’s presence in their bedroom doorway where Gator finds him leaning when he looks up.

Billy is gazing at Gator with an intense mixture of emotions.

"Do you like it?" he asks, and there’s something like worry there. As if Gator might actually have shit for brains and do all that stupid stuff he’d told Dot he’d do back when he was scared shitless. All because he’d convinced himself that Billy wasn’t true - that he’d disappear like every other good thing has.

“Yeah.” Gator sniffs through his red nose, rubbing fiercely at his eyes. “Shit man. How long have you had this?”

“Since right after your birthday actually.” Billy confesses with an easy shrug. Like he isn’t just standing there admitting that he bought a collar for Gator and has been hanging onto it since September.

“Billy! It’s fucking March!”

“I know! I thought if I forbid you from going through my drawer eventually you would. I know what you’re like.” Billy said. Meaning of course he knows that no matter what, Gator eventually messes up.

But Billy says, “I guess I underestimated what a good boy I’ve got, huh?” with this soft look in his eye, like he’s looking at the best sight in the world and not his fuckup boyfriend standing in the middle of their bedroom in his tighty-whities.

Gator might be melting a little, which is why he has to sit down heavily on the bed before he crumples.

“Hey Billy?”

“Yeah, Babe?”

“I’m your sub…” Gator begins and Billy laughs, the sound loud and full of joy instead of mockery.

“No shit?”

“Come on, Billy please. Don’t be mean.” Gator whines, lifting the hand still holding the collar wordlessly and Billy finally takes pity on him and crosses the room to take it from him. Gator trembles, straightening up and bending his neck a little to give Billy room as he claps it on. He gasps a little, shuddering when Billy leans back and the heavy weight settles against his skin.

"You’re my sub," Billy repeats with finality."With or without this. But when you wear this, I want you to remember," he pauses for effect, letting his fingers softly caress down Gator’s neck and over the dark leather. "You’re my gift. The love you give me, makes me Gator, and I thank whatever lucky stars I’ve got that you came into my life when you did. Okay?"

A simple nod is all Gator manages in response; it’s all that’s needed. The smile that spreads across Billy's face is radiant—as if a piece has clicked into place within him too.

Carefully, lovingly, Billy cradles his chin and pulls him into a kiss.

It tastes sweet… like buttercream icing.

[worldofheroes]

Listen to Me

ethan hunt x fem!reader

summary: while on a stakeout, you get bored and test Ethan’s limits.

warnings: 18+, angst I suppose, not plot, unprotected sex, language.

wc: 815

a/n: based on this request. not sure if it called for smut, but here we are.

You’re watching a target’s house with Ethan, as much as you didn’t want to be.

“I hate this,” you say, fidgeting in your seat in the van.

“It’s something we have to do,” Ethan says shortly.

“I know that,” you hiss.

You play with your straw in your fast food cup, making an awful noise as you do.

“Can you stop that?” Ethan asks.

“I need to do something, I can’t sit here doing nothing all night,” you say.

“Can you just behave for once?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You never listen to anything I say.”

“Yeah, because most of the time your ideas are risky and stupid.”

“When has an idea of mine gone south?”

“We don’t have the time to list them all.”

Ethan sighs. You stare at him while you continue to move the straw in and out of the cup.

“Seriously, y/n,” Ethan snaps. “I will do something about this if you don’t stop.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” you egg him on.

You think you hear Ethan moan.

He makes a sudden movement, and he’s straddling you, face inches away from yours.

“I can show you what happens when you don’t behave,” he says in a low voice.

“What happens when I’ve been a bad girl, Daddy?” you tease him.

Ethan doesn’t try to hide the moan that comes from him.

He quickly rids you and himself of clothing, and you don’t have time to process what happened before you’re in your panties and bra.

“Shit, Ethan,” you sigh.

Ethan palms between your legs, making you whimper.

“Bad girls get fucked so hard they can’t walk for a week,” he mutters as he kisses your neck, biting it and leaving marks as he works his way down.

“Shit,” you repeat, unable to think.

His mouth reaches your panties, and he kisses your center through the fabric.

“Please,” you beg.

Ethan looks up at you, with lust filled eyes.

You whimper and knead your own breast, biting your lip and watching Ethan.

He pulls your panties down, as well as his own boxers, revealing his hardness.

“Ethan,” you sigh.

He strokes himself before placing his tip at your entrance, swiping at it, gathering the slick that has been pooling there.

“So fucking wet,” Ethan mutters.

Ethan pushes into you, making you gasp.

“Oh my god,” you moan, arching your back.

One of Ethan’s hands covers your mouth as he starts to thrust.

You groan, closing your eyes as Ethan continues his work.

He starts going harder, pushing as far as he can go in you. You already know you’ll be sore once this is over.

Ethan pulls out and pulls you up from your seat. He spins you around and pushes you down on the seat so you’re kneeling.

“You need to start listening to me,” he growls in your ear.

You nod.

He pushes back into you.

“Ethan,” you cry out.

“What did you call me?”

“Daddy,” you correct yourself.

Ethan moans, going faster now.

“Shit, baby, you feel so good,” Ethan says, resting his forehead on your back.

“I’m… gonna come,” you stutter.

“You wait,” Ethan says, spanking your ass, making you yelp.

“I’ll be good,” you say.

“You’ll come when I tell you to come,” Ethan tells you.

“I don’t think I can wait any longer,” you whine.

“You want to be a good girl, don’t you?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Ethan thrusts into you even harder.

“Shit,” he mumbles. “Okay baby, come for me. Come all over my cock.”

You do as you’re told, finally finding release. You grip the back of the chair and cry out as you do.

Ethan soon follows, filling you with his seed.

“Fuck,” Ethan mumbles.

You sigh, hanging your head. “Shit.”

Ethan pulls out from you, and his cum drips down your legs.

“Fuck,” Ethan repeats, taking a finger and wiping up some cum from a leg.

“Here,” he says, reaching around to you.

You take his finger in your mouth and suck the cum off of it.

“Good girl,” he growls, kneading your ass with his other hand.

You turn around in your seat, sitting on your legs.

“So, uh, what are we going to do with what just happened?” you ask him.

“I… didn’t think it through,” Ethan sheepishly says.

You laugh. “What an Ethan move.”

“But you do need to listen to me.”

“I don’t think I will, if that’s my punishment,” you smirk.

“Shit, y/n,” Ethan says, closing his eyes. “Stop talking like that.”

“No,” you smile. You lean over and gently kiss Ethan.

“I think we better refocus on the mission,” he whispers.

“It’ll be hard to focus after this,” you say.

Ethan chuckles. “I know you can do it.”

“I guess I’ll behave too, at least for the rest of the night, and start fresh tomorrow,” you tease.

Ethan smiles. “Wouldn’t want it any other way.”

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 5-1, Part 1/5 (p. 1989-2099)

Read the previous post here.

Well the last post got a much more positive reception than I expected, so that's a relief. Anyway, get the grey face paint ready, because it's time for Act 5-1.

Alternian script is the Daedric alphabet from The Elder Scrolls series flipped upside down, which I'm sure most fans know already. The user tries entering "Turdodor Fuckball" for the planet's name.

Interestingly, the correct name is not "Alternia" but "Trollplanet." Is that what Alternia translates to into English? There's like zero discussion at all about troll language because Hussie did not give a single shit about developing this alien society beyond "grey violent humans with horns."

Right out the gate, Karkat's intro leads with his key character trait: his crippling self-loathing. Everything about him, from how he excessively plays up his competence and knowledge to his naturally angry and defensive disposition, stems from the fact that he views himself as a defective freak that constantly needs to prove himself.

His interests are similar to John's. He likes bad movies, specifically romcoms, which ties into his greater passion for romance and the study of interpersonal relationships as a whole. He also has an inexplicable interest in programming. It's at least implied that Karkat only attempts to learn so he can try to compete with Sollux in a futile rivalry. The reason why John likes to program is anyone's guess.

His greatest dream is to join the Alternian military, which is probably the only viable career path for someone of his pariah status. He's constantly in danger of being culled, so he wants to prove to the Empire that he's more valuable to them alive rather than dead. In order to preserve his life, he's willing to serve them and become a tool they can use to further their intergalactic conquests.

"Trolls think fashion is stupid." A simple phrase that is regularly ignored by people who create fantrolls with garish and elaborate outfits.

A good programmer would have no trouble with this modus, so Karkat forces himself to use it until he gets good. Even though it's frustrating and causes him misery, he's so stubborn to prove himself as a good programmer that it reaches the point where Sollux has to take it away from him. Probably because it has become too much of a hindrance. IDK, we never see much of the trolls' session to find out, which is a fucking shame.

Karkat's stubbornness is also a key part of his character. See also: his trolling scheme of trolling John backwards through time is something he admits is stupid, but he continues to go through with it. He will admit he's wrong, often begrudgingly and self-deprecatingly, but will double down and refuse to change course despite that. Giving up is synonymous with failure, something he is deathly afraid of.

If Karkat is so afraid of letting his blood color become known, why does he have candy-red awnings outside his hive? He might as well have a big sign alerting everyone that a mutant lives there.

Everything about Karkat has to be big, flashy, and important. His huge ambitions compensate for his self-loathing so that others don't view him as the worthless mutant he sees himself as. He has to prove that he is a good programmer, he is a strong leader, and he will be the best threshecutioner in the whole military!

This pretty much summarizes what Karkat wants in life: to overcome caste discrimination and gain prestige and respect.

It's tempting to call Will Smith Karkat's "patron black celebrity" but I won't because 1) that whole thing doesn't carry over to the trolls, and 2) this is actually relevant to Karkat's character and not some bizarre, nonsense """joke""" like with the kids.

I've always been a big fan of "angry/uptight guy" and "goofy dumb guy" dynamics, and Karkat and Gamzee fit that to a T. Even though Karkat is extremely rude to Gamzee, he doesn't ever dispute the notion that they are in fact friends. Their friendship is being treated as an established fact, something Karkat uses an excuse to further whinge about how much his life sucks.

Gamzee drops his typing quirk momentarily. This doesn't happen often in the comic, but it's something trolls only ever do when they're close to someone, if they want to express something serious, or both.

Even before the introduction of quadrants, we see hints of a pale dynamic between them. Gamzee is the perfect sounding board for Karkat's vents, doesn't object to the verbal abuse being slung his way, and is implied much later on to be a somewhat of a calming source for Karkat. Yes of course I ship them pale. I just think they're neat, okay? <> :)

Gamzee very inelegantly changes the subject after mentioning Sollux and Karkat's friendship. Karkat may be Gamzee's best friend, but Sollux is Karkat's best friend. That must be a sore spot for him. But beyond this, we never ever see what Sollux and Gamzee's relationship might be like. It would've been nice if Gamzee was more jealous and protective of his best friend/moirail and not like it when Karkat shows more favor to anyone else.

Gamzee and Karkat's dynamic is something that I believe Hussie wanted to set up throughout the Act so that their eventual confrontation would have a bigger payoff, but he fumbled massively with the execution. Either because he doesn't really give a shit about Gamzee, or through sheer inept writing, I can't say. But it sucks because there's definitely a lot of potential here.

They're the first trolls to interact in this new Act, but they don't really ever talk much after this point. They're only ever seen together sporadically and it's implied a handful of times that they're closer than Karkat is willing to let on, but there's never anything beyond that. They really needed to speak more so their relationship could be fleshed out. I'll talk more about this as I move along because this lives in my brain rent-free.

It's really dumb how Gamzee's "rather obscure cult" ended up turning into a religion that pretty much every purple blood follows, but I'm not going to talk about post-canon garbage. I get a headache just thinking about it.

I do like the Joker Card posters in his room. I had that Riddle Box one in my own room for a time.

He likes to "chat a lot" with Karkat. So I guess they just talk to each other way more than what's shown in the text. Thanks, Hussie.

Gamzee never received a proper upbringing from his guardian and had to essentially raise himself. In the process of this, he became addicted to mind-altering substances. To everyone who says Bro is the worst guardian in the story, I gladly point you all to Goat Dad.

Terezi is being intentionally annoying. I know most of the trolls are assholes, but why do any of them waste their time with Terezi when she makes it a point to be obnoxious? It's even more baffling when people try to paint her as one of the more "well-adjusted" trolls.

Karkat fantasizes about making doomsday viruses, huh? I'm going to keep a pin in this for l8r I mean later...

It's funny how Karkat both admires and envies Sollux. Their relationship is also one that doesn't get a lot of attention, despite ostensibly being the "John" and "Dave" parallels of the troll cast. Oh wait, I guess John and Dave's friendship ended up being really shallow and one-sided too. So this tracks, actually.

Sollux disparages Gamzee's religion and expresses disgust when he suspects Karkat might be a convert. So again, I think there's definitely some conflict between these two. Two of the trolls that Karkat is closest to don't seem to like each other. It makes me kind of wish we got some auspistice action between the three of them.

Even though Karkat is regularly rude to his friends, he still values their company deep down. He might be one of the most personable trolls despite his grouchy attitude. He not only tolerates the obnoxious people in his contacts, he actually considers them his close friends. Gamzee is a total dullard and Sollux is crass and moody, but they're also the ones he's closest to. Out of the main cast of trolls, there's only one whom Karkat actively dislikes and makes no real attempt at being sociable with. I'll talk about that when I reach that part.

"Orchestrating the demise of the wicked" yeah I'm sure John was guilty of being very wicked and dastardly when she sent him to his death.

Terezi has a passion for justice, but keep in mind that "justice" on Alternia is equivalent to sentencing people to death for the pettiest of reasons. So no, she is not at all some moral, upstanding heroine. She's a psychotic gremlin who enjoys killing people if they violate her draconian interpretation of the law. She does not care for defending victims of injustice, she enforces the will of the state.

Part of Terezi's core conceit is that she's this half-assed Daredevil parody. She's 1) blind and has super senses 2) uses a cane to fight, and 3) is a "lawyer." Aside from that, she shares nothing else in common with Daredevil. I imagine Hussie does not know anything about superheroes beyond superficial, pop culture knowledge.

I remember when people loved to portray Nepeta and Terezi as good friends, but Terezi doesn't actually like role playing with her. She treats her like a joke, much like everyone else. Poor Nepeta gets such a raw deal.

In Nepeta's very first speaking appearance, we get a glimpse of her horrible relationship with Equius. Despite the physical distance between them, she's so browbeaten into subservience that she feels the need to ask him for "purrmission" before doing anything. She is scared about expressing her honest desires around him, preferring to skirt around the issue and just blindly hoping that things will work out and he won't get mad at her. It feels like someone trying to wear kid gloves around an abusive partner or parent. Despite Terezi's concerns, Nepeta tries to downplay the issue and pretend everything's fine.

This conversation is honestly sad to read. "But nooo they are bestest friends!" I hear the fans cry as they flock around the flanderized, fluffy art of Nepeta and Equius. Is that why she straight up admits that she's scared of him? Fuck Meowrails. I hate that shit so much. I'm going to spit so much acid every time it rears its ugly head.

We have to constantly be reminded of Terezi's blindness since it really doesn't impact her character in a meaningful way. Sure she can't see, but she can navigate the world around her so adeptly with her super senses that it's a non-issue. Nobody would even notice that she's blind if she wasn't always pointing it out.

Eridan is mentioned as being part of this inner circle that's in the know about Sgrub. Huh.

I'm old enough to remember when Eridan had yet to be revealed and the only information about him was this page. Some people thought he'd be some kind of environmental activist. It's funny to think about now, but I really miss the days when fans would theorize about future updates and unseen characters. All that guesswork and theorycrafting led to some really fun discussions and fanworks. The boundless creativity shown by the fans was what made the Homestuck fandom something really special in those days. And it's something we lost once the comic was finished and Hussie's completed product didn't measure up to the fans' expectations.

I really really miss 2010-11, you guys...

I really have to question the logistics of this convoluted reproduction cycle. If the adult trolls are off-world, how long does it take the drones to transport the genetic material back to Alternia? Are they just zipping all across the galaxy to do constant jizz runs?

None of this really matters because as previously established, the main trolls were not born in this manner. They're all slime constructs born from an entirely separate incestuous slurry from natural trolls. I think Hussie just has an obsession with creatures being birthed from goo or something.

One of the biggest problems with Act 5-1 is this rushed tone it has. It's weird to say because I remember how often people complained about how long the Act was taking to wrap up, but it's true! Hussie really wants to zip through these character introductions without elaborating on any of the worldbuilding he touches upon along the way. It's what makes troll society as a whole feel so shallow and not well thought out.

These characters really needed their own story divorced from that of the kids and Sburb. A story where the Alternia setting could be allowed to breathe and be explored more thoroughly and thoughtfully. I think that would've made for a more entertaining read.

Sollux gets this fake-out intro that's basically a retread of Dave's. Aside from being kind of standoffish and tech-savvy, this parallel doesn't go anywhere. There's little else that connects Sollux with Dave because Sollux is hardly a main character. He is the tech guy who has mood swings, doesn't like to be involved with shenanigans, and has visions of doom that make him depressed. He's a glorified background character.

Okay, "beenary code" is kind of a lame pun, but I do think "silicomb" is clever.

Kanaya lives near the ruins of Alternia's frog temple. Both she and Aradia are kind of the "Jade" of the trolls' session. Aradia by means of doing background plot stuff, and Kanaya through... I suppose theming? Both she and Jade are isolated, considered "outliers" in their culture/friend group, receive regular visions from Skaia, and are the teams' Space players.

It's worth noting how both the "Jade" trolls wind up being the most stoic, unflappable characters of the cast and mostly serve the purpose of being exposition-dumpers and plot devices. Kinda like Jade herself, except instead of being deadpan she's quirky and all over the place.

I feel like this post could've been a lot longer, but I'm limiting myself to only five posts for this Act. I don't want to stretch this project out too long, lest I be yapping about the trolls until the end of time.

Read the next post here.

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Superstar (Roy's Version)

I couldn't help myself. I love this man too too much! Here's what Roy experienced during the Reader's first few weeks at Nelson Road.

Roy Kent x Reader

3.2k words

Warnings: Language, Roy being lovesick & slightly stalkerish in a rom-com way

The Superstar Series

~

“D’we really need a fucking assistant?” Roy asked again, staring at Ted incredulously, thinking, for the millionth time, that the gaffer was the nuttiest man he’d ever met.

Ted shrugged, far too used to Roy to point out that Roy’d asked him this three times in the past week. “Sure. Someone to help keep track of our schedules, emails, lots of stuff. That way we can focus on the beautiful game.”

To Roy’s surprise, Beard spoke up. “We had a student assistant back at Wichita. The kid was indispensable, always thinking of things we didn’t even realize would be useful.” He shrugged. “You’d be surprised.”

“Whatever.” Roy rolled his eyes and returned to his own office- the one he’d have to ­share now- and continued adjusting on the play he was working on in his black notebook. He knew he was more annoyed at adding someone new to the mix than he was about whether they needed extra help. He’d just gotten used to the Americans, just allowed himself to somewhat enjoy his after-work time with Jamie, and now Ted expected him to be okay with welcoming someone new into the office.

Wanker.

“Hope ya don’t mind sharing!” Ted’s voice slammed against Roy’s ears as the coach entered the office.

A lump formed in Roy’s throat as he glanced up. He should have asked more questions about this whole assistant thing so he could prepare himself. He’d been expecting some young, nervous guy like Will to be joining the staff; not this gorgeous woman standing in front of him, your wide eyes and slight flush only adding to your beauty.

Ted prattled on, oblivious to the sound of Roy’s heart slamming against his chest. “I’m sure you know this ray of sunshine here is Roy Kent.”

Ignoring the stupid butterflies that were forming in his stomach, Roy scowled and stuck his hand out. “You’re the assistant then?”

Your fingertips twitched as you connected your hand to his. “I-I am.”

Nope. Nope. He couldn’t do this. He needed to get the fuck out of here before he said something stupid or did something idiotic.

Roy pulled his hand back, wondering if you’d been able to feel his racing pulse. “Well, as long as you keep your shit off my desk and don’t wear any rancid perfume, we should be fucking fine.” Hating himself for being, well, Roy, he stood up, snatched the notebook off his desk, and trudged off, careful not to nudge you as he rushed past.

He didn’t stop until he was far down the hallway, away from those wide eyes, where he could lean against the wall and take some deep breaths.

Roy Kent was fucked.

~

He’d tried to put you out of his head the rest of the day. Tried to focus on training. Tried to focus on the plays he was meant to show Ted later in the week. Tried to focus on his drive over to the school to pick up Phoebe. Tried to focus on whatever the kid was yammering about. Tried to focus on the games they played while they waited for his sister to come pick her up. Tried to focus on the takeaway his sister had brought over so they could all eat together in Roy’s kitchen.

Brilliant as she was, his sister noticed. “What’s up with you?” she asked, eyebrow raised suspiciously.

He grunted and poked at his food. “Work shit,” he mumbled. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Phoebe add a new tally mark in her notebook. “Lasso decided we need an assistant to keep us organized and shit, so now I get to share my office.”

“Hmm.” A smirk played on his sister’s lips. “Don’t like him already? Poor fella.”

“Her,” Roy corrected without thinking. Fuck, he wished his sister had brought something spicy for dinner; that would have been a good explanation for the pink coloring he was sure his cheeks had now.

His sister’s eyes lit up. “Ah.” As if that explained everything. “She’s pretty then?”

Roy narrowed his eyes at his sister, unable to hide the small smile on his face. “Shut up,” he growled softly.

Her smile grew. “Oh man, she must be gorgeous. You’re so screwed.”

~

For two weeks, Roy avoided you- an impressive feat, considering you worked just across the tiny office. But the more he watched you, the stupider he felt.

You were hardworking. And kind. And funny. And fuck, the more he stared, the more he noticed little things about you that just worked to enhance your attractiveness. He should have known he’d snap eventually.

“D’you like kebabs?”

The words just came out. Despite the embarrassing amount of time he’d spent acting like a teenager, imagining the different conversations he’d initiate with you, it all went out the window at lunchtime. Instead, he blurted out the stupidest question he’d ever heard.

His pulse quickened when you paused your work and turned around. “Excuse me?”

Fuck. Even you thought he was an idiot.

You’re Roy fucking Kent. Act like it. He let out a heaving sigh as he turned his chair around, desperate to come across as uninterested and not the pining prick he felt himself becoming. “Kebabs,” he repeated slowly. “D’you like ’em?”

“Uh, I guess.” Even with your face crinkled in confusion, he still felt like he was going to have a heart attack every time he looked at you.

Not that he could let you know. “You guess?” he repeated, trying to hold back laughter at your adorably puzzled expression. “You either fuckin’ like them or you don’t.”

“Fine, fine, I like kebabs.”

He could see the smile in your eyes, even if it didn’t reach the rest of your face. He loved it. It was enough to get him on his feet. “Okay.”

Before Roy knew it, he was walking through the halls of Nelson Road, hanging onto a takeaway bag like it was a lifesaver. He’d never brought anyone lunch before. Heck, he’d never brought anyone anything before. But here he was, suddenly turned into your personal fucking delivery service.

When he walked into the office, you were again bent over your laptop, not looking up at the sound of his footsteps. Roy wasn’t surprised though; he’d learned quickly that when you were focused, it was a bit hard to divert you.

He pulled out one of the Styrofoam containers and dropped it onto your desk, wincing at the slam. When you looked up at him, he went into a scowl, hoping you wouldn’t notice the unevenness of his breathing.

“Thanks, Roy.”

Fuck. He loved the way you said his name. After all those years of having it screamed by coaches or chanted by fans, it sounded so soft, so gentle coming out of your mouth. A mouth he really needed to stop staring at.

He quickly averted his eyes to your desk. It was neat, tidy. He paused when he saw a framed photo of you, an older couple, and two teenage boys standing amid large trees.

“That your family?”

Your gaze followed his. “Oh, yeah. My folks and brothers. They live not far from here. We grew up huge Richmond fans.”

Ah. That was why you always looked nervous around him. Your family were fans. Nothing more.

Roy couldn’t resist the next question that tumbled out of his mouth. “What, no pictures of your boyfriend?” He prayed he didn’t sound too interested. “Is he fuickin’ ugly or somethin’?”

He had to be imagining the flush in your cheeks. “No boyfriend. What about you? I don’t see your model of the week on your desk.”

Your cheekiness took him by such surprise that he couldn’t resist a tiny smile. “I’m too fucking old for that shit now.”

 “Uh huh.” You looked like you’d malfunctioned. “I like kebabs.”

That was it. The moment he didn’t know he’d been waiting for his whole life. He felt like a colossal bolt of lightning had fucking punched his heart. With three little words barely squeaked past your lips, Roy Kent was a fucking goner.

~

Ted poked his head into Roy’s office, clutching a manila envelope. His face faltered slightly when he saw your empty desk. “Shoot, she took off early, didn’t she?” Roy grunted in response. “That’s right. She said somethin’ about a birthday dinner.” He sighed, glancing down at the envelope. “Well, I can give this to her on Mon-”

“I can take it to her.”

Roy didn’t know why he said that. He never volunteered to do anything extra, let alone something that would have him running around on a Friday night. But the idea of seeing your face, of getting a glimpse of you before being separated by the weekend he always found himself dreading these days, had made his mouth act without his brain.

Ted stared at him for a moment, his mustache giving a small twitch. “Aw, you really don’t gotta do that Roy. It’s not a big deal, honestly.”

“It’s fine,” Roy grumbled, not quite looking at the man.

Something sparkled in Ted’s eyes; Roy ignored it, the way he ignored most things about Ted. “Alright, well if you insist.” He handed Roy the envelope. “Do you need help pulling up her address? I could even go with you if you want.”

“Fuck no.” His answer was too quick. “I, um, she told me whereabouts she lives. I’ve got it.”

“Hmm.” Ted smiled at Roy, a soft, knowing smile that made Roy’s insides squirm. “Well, if you’re sure you’ve got it.” He waggled his fingers at Roy. “I’m sure you’ll have a great weekend, Roy.”

Roy frowned as Ted left, tailed by Beard, who gave Roy a playful smirk as well. Wankers.

He sighed as he packed up his things into his bag, wondering what the fuck he’d just signed himself up for. As he settled into the front seat of his car, he pulled out his mobile, trying to figure out what to do. He wished he had your number, but he’d never figured out the right way to ask. Maybe he should have asked Ted for help.

As he gazed as the black screen, a small ping filled the silence. He frowned and unlocked the phone; it was a Snapchat from Ted, sharing a photo of his beer with Beard in the background. Just as Roy was about to roll his eyes, he realized something. You were in that group chat. Tapping quickly, he found what he was looking for: your Snapchat location.

Ignoring the fact that he felt like an absolute fucking stalker, he started the car and headed towards the neighborhood on the screen. He zoomed in as much as he could before realizing that he couldn’t pinpoint exactly which house was yours. Fuck.

Alright, fine. He could handle this. Roy parked and grabbed the stupid manila envelope, taking one more look at the map on his phone. His mind wandered to the movie his Yoga group liked to watch together at Christmastime. Yeah, he could do this. If that spindly wanker Hugh Grant could go door to door in search of his dream girl, so could Roy fucking Kent.

He took a deep breath and approached the first door. Just fucking do it. He knocked, steeling himself for the moment you opened the door.

Except it wasn’t you. And neither was the next one. He was about halfway up the street when he started to lose his resolve. If he had to say “Yeah, I’m Roy Kent” one more time, he was going to slam his face into a wall over and over until he passed out.

With a heaving sigh, he approached the next house. He fully expected yet another granny or pimply preteen.

His face burned when he saw you.

Quickly recovering, he pushed his way inside, pretending his mind wasn’t reeling. “We should really put a fucking tracking device on you.”

“Um, not to be rude, but why are you here? At my mum and dad’s house?”

Oh. This wasn’t your house; it was your parents’. Roy couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed that he didn’t get to see your home. But he couldn’t let you know that.

“Some papers Lasso wanted you to work on if you can this weekend. Said it was important. I dunno, I don’t fucking listen to him when he yammers,” Roy lie, lie, lied.

“Oh. And how-how did you know where I was?” Roy’s heart fluttered when he saw the way you fidgeted as you spoke. Why were you nervous?

Roy acted as if his heart wasn’t aching at the sight of you. “You’re one of those idiots that has their Snapchat locations on. You’re gonna get fucking murdered one of these days y’know.”

The grin you wore could bring a man back from the dead. “And you’re gonna murder me?”

As if you didn’t murder him with that smile every fucking day. “Not today.” He couldn’t help his own smile. “But apparently if I wanted to, you’d be easy as hell to find.”

“I’ll just have to keep being a good officemate then,” you hummed, the teasing tone in your voice sending Roy’s heart into overdrive.

Without thinking, he took a step towards you, his voice rough and uncharacteristically flirty. “You’re doing a fine job so far.”

This was it. He was going to finally make his move. He was Roy fucking Kent, after all. All he had to do was grab you and kiss you.

But instead, he was tackled by a very enthusiastic father and dragged into an admittedly delicious birthday dinner. Although the domestic scene wasn’t one that he typically found himself him, Roy couldn’t help but revel in the opportunity to sit close to you, your arm brushing his far too often to be a coincidence. In the back of his head, he even allowed himself to imagine this as a regular occurrence, having dinner with your family. But he was getting far too ahead of himself.

As dinner transitioned into dessert, you excused yourself to go upstairs to grab something. Roy could have stayed at the table, hanging out with your family, charming your mother, and answering more questions from your brothers, but his stupid giant crush got the better of him. He awkwardly asked for directions to the bathroom and was pointed upstairs.

He took the stairs two at a time, at least as much as his shit knee would let him, trying to figure out what he’d say once he was face to face with you. He wasn’t sure you liked him, but he couldn’t help but hope that he wasn’t too grumpy, too old, too past his prime for a girl like you.

The muttering he heard from an ajar door pointed him in the right direction. He nudged the door open and saw you, on the floor, clearly searching for something. Before he could say anything, he took a look around the room. What he saw made his heart nearly stop.

Holy shit.

Roy Kent had never seen so many photos of himself in one location in his life. This would be a normal girl’s room if it weren’t for all the football posters covering every square inch of wall- most of them featuring his scowling face. He was sure he even saw Sharpie hearts scrawled all over the one in the corner near the window.

This had to mean something, right?

Trying to keep cool, he mumbled, “Ah, this isn’t the fucking loo.”

The panic on your face made Roy melt. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch your mortified face, to tell you that it was cute, that he wished he had a room full of posters of your gorgeous face.

Instead, he closed the door behind him and stepped forward. “Why the fuck are there so many pictures of me in this room?”

You stood up, fidgeting worse than he’d ever seen anyone. “I, uh, I told you. My family’s huge Richmond fans. You’re kind of our favorite player. Hence, my dad’s excitement when he saw you.”

Suddenly feeling bold, probably for the first time since he met you, Roy stuffed his hands in his pockets and took another look at all the posters of himself. “So… does that mean I’m your favorite too?”

His heart fluttered as he watched your blush deepen. “I… I mean… I guess.”

Unable to look at you anymore, lest he grab you and kiss you heatedly, Roy’s gaze fluttered upwards. Now he was sure his heart had stopped.

A room full of posters of him was one thing. A poster of him above your bed? Fuck, that was hot.

“Is that a fucking poster of me above your bed?”

Your squirming figure was never more attractive to him. “Oh, you know, gotta keep the monsters away somehow.”

That caught him off-guard. He couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled past his lips. Fuck, you were funny sometimes. “That’s what I’m good for? Scaring away fucking monsters?”

He felt like an arse for laughing when he saw the humiliation as you covered your face and flopped onto your bed. Your voice sounded so small. “Please don’t tell anyone. This was my room when I used to live here, I was a dumb kid. I swear to God, my flat is normal. A normal adult flat.”

Your panicked babbling was adorable.

Roy sat beside you, trying not to think too hard about the fact that he was on your bed. The bed with a poster of himself right above it, a poster you probably spent all of your teen years staring at before falling asleep.

He was relieved when you looked over at him. He knew he had to say something. “Hey, no need to be fucking embarrassed.” He glanced up at the poster. It was a damn good picture, one from his Chelsea days. “Can’t say I blame you. I was young and hot.”

Your grin was worth the self-deprecating comment. “You’re not that much older now, Kent.”

The implication made him forget how to breathe. “I’m still hot then?” He couldn’t wait for an answer before he leaned in close and cupped your face. “Please say yes,” he heard himself rasp, not caring how desperate he sounded.

He could hardly believe his ears when you whispered, “Yes.��

That was all he needed. He pressed his lips to yours and felt you melt against him. Feeling your body press against his, Roy reminded himself that this was a first kiss, that he should keep things small, sweet, chaste. Hopefully there would be time for other kinds of kissing later.

The giggle you released was the greatest sound he’d ever heard. He smiled, probably a big, stupid smile, and prepared to ask you about maybe going on a date-

“Oi!” The knocking on the door nearly made him jump. “Mum and Dad want to know if you’re snogging Roy Kent in there!”

Roy felt like a bashful teenager as he smiled at you. “Don’t suppose I can tell your brother to fuck off?” he joked.

He liked the laughter he saw in your eyes. “’d rather you didn’t.”

“Well then.” Figuring that this was the end of this particular moment of romance, Roy stood and took your hand to pull you to your feet. “Guess we should go have some fucking cake,” he joked. His gaze lingered on the poster of himself, the one above your bed. “You should bring that thing to work sometime. I can fucking autograph it if you want.”

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Oh how I've been waiting to send these all in. My time has finally come.

(Cw/tw: drinking mention, depression, suicidal ideation mention, hallucinatiom and possession mentions)

- They have a rule where none of them are allowed to drink alone (Epic scared the shit out of them one specific time, both Delta and Color have landed themselves in jail from doing dumb shit before), so if one drinks, they all drink together. If Beta gets uncomfortable, they will stop. However, them all being some form of drunk means Beta gets recording and blackmail privileges.

- They all need different ways of comfort (Epic needs physical/verbal reassurance and distractions, Color needs verbal reassurance as touch can be too much for him at times, and Delta needs physical touch and to talk about what's bothering him).

- They all speak multiple languages (since Delta and Epic's creators are both from the Philippines, I imagine they'd both speak Tagalog, Filipino and Spanish. Epic also probably knows Japanese. Color can speak Arabic since his creator is from Egypt (from what the wiki said).

- They have definitely blown something up as a group before. I will let you decide what that something will be.

- Delta has blown up a microwave before on accident (and gets clowned for it).

- They all forget to eat sometimes and need to be reminded.

- They are all banned from UNO, Monopoly, and Mario Cart. Especially Delta.

- They know about Epic's depression and help pull him out of depressive ruts when needed.

- They know how to calm Delta down and distract him if he's getting too angry.

- They know how to comfort and gently but bluntly correct Color's hyper-empathy if it's causing him too much stress.

- They all love Zorox so much and probably give him too many treats.

- They have all had some form of an identity crisis at one point or another.

- On the alignment chart: Color is lawful good, Epic is true neutral, and Delta/Beta is chaotic good.

- They are very protective of each other. If someone is talking shit, they will handle it differently; Epic will 'jokingly' threaten to shut them up, both physically and verbally. Color will correct their behavior and scold them, maybe guilt trip them a bit. Delta will probably threaten to beat the shit out of them if they don't stop.

- They all experience PTSD nightmares.

- Epic is the reason they found out Beta gets sugar rushes (and since they affect Beta, then it would probably affect Delta too? Their ADHD would probably be off the charts).

- They all drink way too much caffeine (Delta is forced to drink half-caf bc Beta goes off the fucking wall Bonkers if they get any of it).

- Due to trying to avoid sleep, Epic sometimes experiences hallucinations/delusions if he goes too many days without sleeping.

- Delta/Beta are the most chaotic obviously, therefore need to be watched over to make sure they won't do anything crazy or stupid.

- They can all be a bit dramatic at times.

- Beta has definetly tried to see if they could roast marshmallows from the heat of Color's flames before.

- Beta is the little brother of the group and is treated as such.

- They all know ASL.

- They probably know Morse Code.

- They do NOT like creepy dolls or figures. Including mannequins. Epic and Color are disturbed by them and dislike them, but Delta/Beta HATE them.

- Epic takes great joy in annoying them with brainrot slang.

- They'll just. Pick each other up sometimes. Sometimes it'll be for a reason, like if they have to put Delta/Beta in air jail, but other times it'll be just for fun.

- I'm not sure how to explain it but their ages vs. how they act goes like this: Epic is the oldest but acts the youngest, Color is the middle but acts the oldest, and Delta/Beta is the youngest but acts the middle (Beta acts their age).

- During their haunted explorations, sometimes the ghosts will attack Beta, mostly because he's another ghost but in a different way. The rest of the group protects him (usually Delta switches out with him).

- Also during their haunted explorations, Delta has gotten possessed before. It was not fun. They no longer play mirror games or do seances. His tells for possession are: eye flickering (his eyes will flicker-change colors to whatever the Soul color is of the possessing ghost), going nonverbal, sudden aggression, acting like who's possessing him (ex; if the ghost possessing him likes to hide around, Delta will suddenly run/teleport off and hide from the others. They will have to find him, and if Delta doesn't want to be found, he won't be for a while.

- If one of them (usually Delta) says something particularly unhinged, the others will gently but firmly either whack him upside the head or bonk him to correct him.

- Sometimes Delta will need to ask permission to beat the shit out of someone (usually this is directed at Cross and Killer if they do something dumb). They made their own little signs to ask so no one outside of their group would be able to understand. He is usually told no (there was one rare occasion he was allowed to rock Killer's shit, and it made his entire fucking week).

- (This is inspired by that one ask talking about how Delta would try to sacrifice himself in battle) Delta has little to no self preservation skills. Like worse than the other two. He will not think ahead to how certain actions could affect the future unless its during a fight or dire circumstances. He has had suicide issues in the past and his friends know about it (hence one of the many reasons no one's allowed to drink alone).

- (Also inspired by the same ask as above) whenever Delta tries/does stupid and/or harmful shit, his friends do not let him get away with it. They have had to drive him to the hospital on more than one occasion depending on how hurt he is. They will talk about it with him no matter how much he doesn't want them to.

- Even though he doesn't like Cross and Killer, if he notices or is told that something he's doing is bothering them, he will stop immediately. No questions asked. He may dislike them and want to fight them, but he won't disrespect or purposefully trigger them.

- Beta likes to bite on random. Delta could literally just be working and all the sudden Beta tries to bite his hand. Like a puppy. Along with that, if he feels like he's not getting enough attention, he will start bothering them or try to play-fight.

- Yk that challenge where you fill your mouth with water and then smack someone with a tortilla? They've done that challenge before.

- Beta likes bugs. And also likes to scare the others with them.

Yay more headcanons!

Although I tend to lend more towards Color being Neutral Good, according to this description;

“Neutral good is a character alignment that describes someone who acts altruistically and without regard for rules or tradition. Neutral good characters are often willing to cooperate with lawful officials, but they don't feel obligated to them.

They may also do the right thing, even if it means breaking the rules. Examples of neutral good characters include healers who treat both sides of a fight and people who feed the starving during a war.” But lawful good seems to fit pretty well too.

And I can imagine that both Epic and Color are very protective of Delta and helping when whenever he hurts himself, not only because he’s their friend and because they care about him, but because Delta is in large part the only reason they’re able to still keep going in the day to day.

Delta was very helpful and inspiring for them both. Meeting Delta when he did is the very reason Color was even able to help Killer at all, let alone keep going without also getting himself killed. And im sure Delta has managed to help and support Epic in ways he’s not been supported—wouldn’t allow himself to be—in a very long time.

And tbh cross and killer probably have a lot things to thank Delta for. Bro’s the unsung hero. (Not that Delta would ever think of himself that way. That’s all because Epic and Color so both unbelievably strong and brave in his eyes.)

And ngl I wanna know what was the occasion where delta was allowed to absolutely rock killers shit cause lords know he deserves it (coming from someone who isn’t nightmare or Chara of course.)

Now ngl im kinda curious what everyone thinks the Epic Sanses’ + Beta’s Myers Briggs personality types could be.

[heartbeatbookclub]

About the partners headcanons ask, i meant the latter! sorry if it wasn’t obvious haha

shit this has been sitting in my askbox a while--

I have been thinking about this a good while, but I did also...kinda forget about it for a little lmao...part of the time spent thinking was of how exactly I wanted to format it. I considered doing more of a bullet points sort of thing, but I think in general it's just easier to do this the way I typically explain things on this blog.

Rather than doing specific explanations of the potential relationships between each computation of the girls together, I'm going to speak broadly over each of them and talk about it in a more Poly Dokis sense, since that's typically how I do it anyway. With that intro out of the way, here's my vision in no particular order:

Sayori in general is a very lovey sort of person, regardless of if you're just close friends, or in an actual relationship. As a result, not a great deal actually changes in that respect. She is an absolute cuddlebug and physical touch is definitely her top love language to give, to most people's enjoyment, and some people's slight annoyance (Natsuki). I imagine she works down everyone's personal bubble until it feels weirder to not have a Sayori nuzzling somewhere on their body. She likes playing with everyone's hair. They also like playing with hers; it's a win-win. She's also a big fan of spending time with the others, whatever it is. Anything is fun as long as they're together.

On terms of receiving, Sayori very much likes words of affection, though she doesn't always believe them. She needs a lot of reassurance and reciprocation to be sure that she's doing enough in the relationship, and has a constant worry that she's being overbearing, or that her own failures and stupidity makes her a burden to others around her. Regardless of who she's with, all 3 of them try their best to make it clear that she's doing perfectly fine, and they still love her, obviously.

Sayori relies very heavily on Monika emotionally. I think that's a universal truth of their relationship no matter how it's spun. She does her best to be honest with the other 2, hard as that might be sometimes, but Monika is the only one she feels she can truly be herself around, and Monika is more than happy to oblige. In return, Sayori tries her hardest to help her as well.

She genuinely likes listening to Yuri talk about whatever she's passionate about. It makes her happy to hear Yuri so passionate about something, and she's always glad to encourage her to come out of her shell more. She lets Yuri go at her own pace on terms of how they take their relationship and in general gives her a lot of patience, but as long as Yuri doesn't mind, she will take every opportunity she can get to cuddle up to her. Once she gets past her initial embarrassment, Yuri really appreciates her wordless style of affection and makes an effort to reciprocate. Occasionally, she uses Sayori like a weighted blanket.

Sayori understands that Natsuki needs more space, but is quite persistent in her efforts to break her out of her shell, too. Natsuki is initially pretty put off by Sayori's style of affection (go figure) but doesn't exactly dislike it, it's more like...not what she's used to. She initially rebuffs her, but doesn't exactly fight it very hard. She's also glad to have someone to genuinely talk about manga with, though she gets the sense that Sayori isn't exactly reading into it as much as she is...

Monika has never been in a real relationship in her life, and it shows! She treads very lightly, feeling completely out of her depth, uncertain of what's correct or expected, as though that's a normal question to have in a relationship. She's fairly naive and stumbling her way through it to start. Once she finds her footing though, she's happy to be able to provide love to the people closest to her. Maybe too happy. She tries exceptionally hard to be a good girlfriend, with little attention given to herself. This is something the other 3 try very hard to make up for.

Her primary love language has gotta be words of affection. She loves using pet names and giving lots of compliments. Once she gets over the initial embarrassment of saying "I love you", it becomes her most used phrase, and no matter how many times they hear it, it absolutely melts the others every time. She's also a huge acts of service girlie. She loves being able to buy them lunch, or give them a ride, or help them with homework, or something. She's absolutely the type of person to buy you a lunch when she hears you don't have money for one, and won't hear anything about you paying her back.

She is incredibly bad at receiving affection. She'll minimize your compliment, she'll make sure she gives you something in return for any act of service, and she doesn't want to waste your time if you have somewhere else to be. The other 3 work incredibly hard to just get her to accept that they love her, too, which forces her to introspect on the matter. The one thing she doesn't suck at receiving is physical affection, and consequently it becomes her favorite, particularly from Sayori.

Oh yeah, this is somewhat offhand, but she's a terrible kisser, at least to start. Just thought I'd throw that in too

I think the biggest thing I'd like to establish in what the other 3 see in her is that she makes you feel absolutely safe and welcome in her presence. Whenever you talk to her, suddenly all of your problems and everything stressing you out are miles away, and everything is going to be okay. And she is very happy to provide that for other people; hearing that always makes her heart happy.

She tries her absolute hardest to make sure Sayori gets everything she needs in the validation department. Monika and Sayori reflect each other a lot, to the point that they both generally know what the other is thinking even when they don't voice this. Whenever Sayori is refusing to say something because she doesn't want to create friction, but it needs to be said, Monika will say it for her. Monika voices her needs when she doesn't want to, and she trusts Sayori to do it in return.

She vents to Yuri often whenever she just needs someone to listen, and Yuri likes to rub her back to ease her stress. She does her best to listen to what Yuri has to say in return, as well as humor her talking about her interests, but has a hard time saying she shares the same passion she does for them.

Monika is the one who most enjoys flustering Natsuki, and is also typically the most successful. Natsuki, of course, really enjoys turning the tables and flustering her in return. Natsuki in particular finds it funny that Monika has turned to manga as something of a guilty pleasure.

This is something else tangentially related, but I just realized that because I only advanced my DDLC shipping thoughts in a discord server, I never posted this here, so I think an essential part here is that I think all of the other girls have a huuuuge crush on Monika. Like head over heels, for various reasons. Sayori is obvious but the others find it hard to deny, she's like, the perfect woman. Monika has no concept of anyone having a crush on her prior to them admitting this, and is completely shocked.

Yuri has a somewhat warped view of what romance looks like, given to her by media she consumes. Very pure and romantic and dripping with prose. The thought in the back of her head is constantly "I could never do that...I guess I'll be single forever..." and when she actually ends up in a relationship it ends up throwing her entire worldview out of whack in that respect. In general, the others all spend a lot of time reassuring her that they all love her for her, particularly when she's herself, unabashedly weird. Eventually, with enough persistence and some soul searching, she starts to believe it, and comes further out of her shell.

She really likes feeling important to people. She's a great listener, and her favorite thing to do is to just let other people vent about their problems to her. Her primary means of affection is quality time, with some physical affection once Sayori REALLY breaks down her sense of personal space. She'll sidle up to the others like a cat. Sayori finds this absolutely adorable. She mostly just enjoys spending time silently around other people. The others invite her places and just let her vibe. She loves it. I've mentioned it before, but she also really enjoys sending people songs and things that made her think of them. She also likes buying things that made her think of them as a gift. She's very muted in her expression of love, but she spends a lot of her time away from the others thinking of them.

I also think that Yuri kinda sucks at receiving affection, though in a different way than Monika. Monika will instinctively reject it; Yuri has no clue how to respond. It flusters her, every time, without fail, until eventually she gets used to it and her response seems somewhat flat. Although for particularly sweet gestures, she is unable to contain her excitement.

Oh, also she's probably the best kisser out of the bunch, though she is frequently too embarrassed to do much more than a peck on the cheek to start.

Sayori is her go-to whenever she wants to infodump about something she's been really into lately, because she actively listens and tries to engage her, mostly because she really enjoys it whenever Yuri is excited about something. Despite her initial hesitancy, she actually really appreciates the kind of casual physical affection which Sayori employs, because she really likes and wants physical affection, but doesn't know how to ask without feeling awkward.

She likes it when Monika vents to her. She always feels incredibly at ease around Monika, which is difficult for her to find anywhere else, much less with another person, and she really wants to give back in return what Monika gives to her. She feels comfortable enough to freely talk with Monika based on this fact, partially because she knows Monika feels the same to her. It makes her feel wanted, and she likes that.

She really tries her hardest to help when Natsuki has problems, listening to her vent about her dad, or other people, or the world, or anything else that's giving her trouble at the moment. Yuri does her best to help steer her more towards the kind of person she wants to be, and to reassure her that she isn't a terrible person.

Natsuki is averse to being in a relationship on the risk that she turns out like her parents. The only reason she's here is because the others assured her they would help her not to be. Despite her hesitancy, and her pushing back on a lot of what's given to her, she does enjoy it. (She just doesn't think she deserves it.) In general, she's just very awkward at navigating anything and everything related to it, and is very easily embarrassed by the whole thing. It takes time to get her comfortable with it.

She's very acts of service heavy. She likes making things for other people, and spends a lot of time and effort doing so. She derives a lot of joy out of directly providing for people, and particularly in the beginning, she's still convinced that's all she can provide, but she does grow better at avoiding that sort of thinking with time. She also likes spending quality time with people, probably baking, maybe chatting about/reading manga.

She is absolutely head over heels for Monika, despite finding that realization...kind of annoying. She thinks she is literally the most beautiful, perfect girl she has ever met, and despite her best efforts to ignore that powerful urge to heap praise onto her, she can't help but make an effort to impress her, which is frequently successful!...which only goads her on to do it more. She tries to get Monika to read some of the series she's more seriously invested in, because she knows Monika will get a deeper understanding of the themes and subtext.

She's envious of how easily Sayori can make friends with anyone, and finds her to be so sweet it's hard to handle. She is absolutely terrified of ever doing anything to hurt her because she knows that whatever it was, Sayori would never let go. Sayori takes great lengths to remind her that she would never do that, because she is her, not her father. She is initially annoyed by Sayori's very heavy physical affection, but also seriously appreciates it because she would never in a million years ask for a hug.

Yuri and Natsuki's relationship is special. They eventually get to a point where they just understand each other. Yuri will push back on her just enough that Natsuki is confident trusting that what she says is honest, including that she really does love her and will never leave her. She seriously appreciates that. She finds it really fun to try and get Yuri to move outside her comfort zone.

...I might have more posts in this vein to make soon, among other things, but I thought I'd get this out of my askbox now so you don't have to wait in suspense. I'm gonna go sleep. I was sorta running on fumes towards the end here, so if it seems a little more clipped there, I apologizeee