#they moved before highschool but I spent every. single. day. waiting for a chance

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

There are really people out there who have never been around some asshole straight guy who talked about killing cats that weren’t yours or threatened to kill your own. Like, seriously? You’ve never had to fight to keep your ass from trying to fight a guy over that, IN PERSON?!

[milkyonomatopoeia]

Safe and Sound

ITZY [CHAERYEONG]

Word Count: 5.7k

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: deals with abuse, mentions injury, and tackles panic attacks. if any of these bother you or make you uncomfortable, please be weary or avoid this story outright.

A/N: I wrote this on a whim. The idea for this story has been lingering in the back of my mind for the last couple of days now so I decided to just write it. Also, apologies for the hiatus (again) I've been preparing to move out for college.

Falling in love was never the easiest thing to do, considering how naïve and foolish you were. You ate up romance in movies and books like it was your last supper, consuming it like a wildfire through a dry forest, and it always set your standard so high whenever you fell in love. And you fell in love a lot.

It was a simple thing to do, to chase after every single person you’ve fallen in love with and fawn over them like they were your everything. To wait on them and let your entire world revolve around them. The hand holding, kisses, and whispers of sweet nothings were like a routine. You didn’t have to think much about what you did whenever you were with the person you loved. That was the easy part.

What wasn’t easy to do was to pick up the pieces after they broke your heart. Nor was it easy to build yourself back up after every relationship that failed.

The long nights alone crying in your bed as your heart ached was the worst part, you thought. The days where you refused to leave your room because you couldn’t pull yourself together didn’t help either.

But despite all of that, you still chose to love again.

Whether it was your crush in middle school who chose the popular cheerleader over you, or that asshole who stood you up during senior year at highschool prom, or even the jock you gave a chance during freshman year of college— you continued to love as if your heart had never been broken before.

And you guessed that was your downfall.

Because you loved people despite seeing all their flaws.

You loved your crush in middle school even if she did choose that cheerleader over you and you always helped her whenever she was having a hard time with math homework. You loved that asshole who stood you up and even drove him home when he got too drunk to walk. And you loved that jock even when he barely spent any time with you because of how busy he was with training and you even went to every single one of his games.

No matter who it was, or how little their role in your life was, you loved them regardless.

Even when they treated you badly or when they would disregard you, you loved them regardless.

Even when they hurt you or when they took you for granted, you loved them regardless.

Maybe it’s that part of you that allowed you to let your last girlfriend treat you as awful as she did. Maybe it’s that part of you that found it so hard to walk away despite of how many times she cheated on you. And maybe it’s that part of you that never fought back whenever she hurt you during your arguments.

All your life, you just wanted to be loved the way you loved other people.

But no one ever did. And you guess that was the hardest part of moving past everything that hurt you.

When you got out of that relationship with your ex-girlfriend, it felt like your entire world was crumbling right before you as you tried to pick up the pieces of who you once were before you met her. You figured that the injuries and bruises she gave you was the least of your worries. It was the years of emotional manipulation that tore you down and made you question your idea of love. And it made you question your entire identity as well.

Who were you apart from the love drunk fool who keeps searching for the right person to call your own? Who were you apart from the mosaic of broken pieces people left behind whenever they entered and exited your life? And who were you apart from the hopeless romantic who longed to fit in in someone else’s arms?

Honestly, you didn’t know.

All you’ve ever known is the feeling of love and loss, and your constant search for something more to fill in the gap in your heart. All you’ve done is try to find that special someone who’d be able to hug all the broken pieces of you back together.

Without realizing that you couldn’t really love anyone else until you started to love yourself. It would be a long and arduous battle, you knew that, but you weren’t quite prepared to accept all the mistakes and shortcomings you had when it came to taking care of yourself.

It was easy loving other people. But loving yourself? Not so much.

So it took you years. Years to finally be able to look at yourself in the mirror and not have that voice in the back of your head to tell you to look away. Years to finally smile whenever someone took a pretty decent picture of you, seeing all the pretty features of your face instead of the mistakes and flaws that tainted it. And years to finally accept what had happened in your past and to acknowledge that none of it was your fault.

And as you grew up, the more you matured the more you started to love yourself. For a while, you were content with that. And for a while you were okay with being alone.

That was until you met Chaeryeong. And then your entire world turned upside down.

All the doubts and fears in your mind were silenced when you fell in love with her. It felt like a whirlwind of emotions engulfed you the moment you first laid eyes on her, and you couldn’t deny the surge of affection that rushed through your entire body when you first talked to her. With your reputation when it came to love, it wasn’t really a surprise that you fell hard for her.

But this time it was different.

When you fell for Chaeryeong, you fell hard. Harder than you’ve ever fallen before. The feeling was exciting and anxiety-inducing at the same time. It was a rush of adrenaline, a wave of unexpected happiness, and it felt like an explosion of butterflies erupted in the pit of your stomach. But it was also terrifying. And as soon as the euphoria of realizing you had feelings for her wore off, then came all the memories of the traumatic experiences you had with your ex-girlfriend.

Would Chaeryeong love you the way you loved her? Would she accept you if she knew about your past? Or would she end up like everyone else in your life who you’ve loved?

Would she break your heart to pieces too? Would she take advantage of the kindness you had in your heart? Or would she end up proving you wrong?

You knew that falling for her would be a risk, a jump into the abyss with no bottom in sight, and despite knowing this, Chaeryeong was the person you loved and you wanted to take that leap of fate for her.

So, recklessly, mindlessly, and foolishly, you jumped. You jumped into the feeling of falling for her with no end in sight, with no intention whatsoever of her loving you back, and with no hope of having your feelings reciprocated.

Each day you were with her, your affection for her only grew and you couldn’t deny how much the raven-haired girl had cemented her role in your life. She was important to you now, she was a part of your routine, and you never wanted her to leave your life just like all the others did.

And that’s where your fear started to set in.

What if she found out about your feelings for her and it’d make her uncomfortable? What if she pushed you away? What if she didn’t want to be your friend anymore after the fact?

It was a silent torture you dealt with on a daily basis and your intense emotions along with your raging thoughts started to push you on the brink of madness. You were lost, at a tug of war between your heart and your head, and you didn’t know which to follow.

Your head was clouded, your judgment at a disadvantage, and you couldn’t think straight knowing that your choice would change the trajectory of your friendship with Chaeryeong forever.

But your heart wasn’t a better choice either, knowing that it had put you in tough positions before and that it had hurt you time and again.

However, Chaeryeong made that choice for you. On accident, funnily enough.

But if it weren’t for that fateful night at their dorms when she had called you over after she had a hard day, then you’d probably wouldn’t be with the most amazing girl you’ve ever loved.

When Chaeryeong confessed that she felt the same way, you swore you’ve never been happier. And now that you were allowed to love her freely and without restraint, you showered her with all the affection and care you could muster.

Who would’ve thought that the girl you loved loved you back?

It wouldn’t be a perfect relationship, you knew that, but you were happy regardless. Chaeryeong loved you, and she proved that time and again despite having a busy schedule, and you couldn’t be any happier.

The past wouldn’t matter to you anymore, now that you have a future with Chaeryeong to look forward to.

You hoped it wouldn’t affect you anymore.

—

“Y/N, baby, I’m home!” When you heard Chaeryeong’s cheery voice entering your shared home, you started to panic and your movements became frantic as you attempted to clean up after your mess. “Y/N, where are you?”

You hissed through gritted teeth as the glass sliced through your palm, causing you to let go of the shards you picked up just moments before, and the sound caught Chaeryeong’s attention. Her ears perked up as she heard you and she immediately rushed to where you were.

The sight before her caused her eyes to widen, seeing your hand bleeding out as you knelt beside a few broken pieces of glass on your kitchen floor, and you dreaded having to meet her gaze as she looked down at you. “Ch-Chaeryeong… I’m sorry I—” “Oh my god, are you okay?”

Your breath hitched in your throat as you saw the worry reflecting in Chaeryeong’s eyes as she knelt down beside you, holding on to your hand delicately while she grabbed a clean towel, and she carefully wrapped your hand with it. “Talk to me, baby. What happened? Are you okay? Does it hurt?”

You were frozen in place somehow, your mind lagging as you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in,and your heart raced as you realized how close your girlfriend was to you.

“Hey?” Chaeryeong calls out as she touches your cheek with the palm of her hand, the sudden touch causing you to flinch, and your gaze finally meets hers as you quivered where you were. “What’s wrong, my girl? Does it still hurt? Do I need to take you to the hospital?”

“Y-You’re not mad at me?” You managed to stutter out, your voice shaky as tears welled up in your eyes and you held on to her hand as it rested on your cheek.

Chaeryeong looked taken aback by your words, her brows furrowed in confusion as she searched your eyes, and she shook her head at you. “Why would I be mad at you? You’re hurt and I’m sure what happened was an accident, right?”

You nodded your head pathetically at her words, eyes flickering to the broken glass before you, and you let out a defeated sigh. “I’m— I’m sorry. I tried reaching for it from the top shelf and it slipped out of my hand. I wanted to clean it up before you got home because I didn’t want you to get angry.”

“I’m not gonna get mad over you breaking a glass cup, baby.” She reassured you as she pressed a kiss on the side of your head, her hand brushing over your arm comfortingly, and she smiled at you warmly. “Let’s get you patched up, alright, my girl?”

Your girlfriend helped you get up from the floor, carefully navigating you around the shattered glass, and she let you sit down by the couch. Chaeryeong moved far too quickly for you to even comprehend, but in your defense you were still far too shaken up to even fully acknowledge what was going on, and it's only when she sits back down beside you with a medkit in her hands did you realize what was happening.

She tended to your wound with utmost care, making sure it was clean, and you couldn’t help but stare at her as she did.

Normally, whenever you got hurt by your own clumsiness, it was always just you mending your wounds and patching yourself up. Sometimes, you forget that it isn’t just you this time. Sometimes, you forget that you aren’t alone anymore.

Chaeryeong is here with you now. And she always takes care of you.

“There.” She huffs out with a satisfied smile on her lips and she brushes her thumb over your now-bandaged hand. “Is that better, my girl?”

“I— uh, yes.” You haphazardly answer with a shy smile and you mindlessly nod as you couldn’t help but stare at her, your heart hammering against your chest as you saw nothing but adoration reflecting in her beautiful brown eyes, and you let out a contented sigh. “Much better.”

Chaeryeong plants a kiss on your palm and she weaves her fingers on your own. “Remind me to put the glasses on a lower shelf next time so you don’t have trouble reaching for them.”

You nodded once more, squeezing her hand gently as you did. “I will. I’m sorry again.”

Her fingers brush over your cheek and she kisses the square of your forehead. “I told you, you don’t need to apologize. It was an accident. And it’s partially my fault anyway for putting them so high up.”

“Okay.” Was the only thing you could say, your head turning back to the shattered glass on the floor, and you stood up from your seat. “Here, let me go clean it up before one of us gets injured again.”

“What? No, no. Stay here.” She insists as she pushes you back down to the couch gently, ushering for you to stay where you are, and she walks to the broken glass. “Why don’t you place the food I brought on the coffee table while I clean this up, yeah? I don’t want you getting hurt anymore.”

“You brought food?” You question as your eyes land on the paperbag she had supposedly brought with her, picking it up as you examine its contents.

“Of course, I did! It’s your favorite too.” Chaeryeong responds cheerily with a beautiful smile on her lips, already finishing up with cleaning the glass you had dropped, and she grabs a drink for both of you from the fridge before she sits back down beside you. “I figured I’d buy you something nice to eat since you’ve been so busy with work too. Take it as a little treat from me.”

As if your smile wasn’t wide enough, the sheer intimacy and tenderness in her voice caused it to grow wider, and you couldn’t help the flutter that erupted in your chest as the two of you began eating with each other.

The entire night, Chaeryeong was attentive to you; asking about how your day was and even telling you about hers. And as you two were engrossed in a conversation, you had to remind yourself to push away the doubts that had been lingering in the back of your head for the last couple of days now.

You shouldn’t let the past ruin your current happiness.

—

You jolted from your shared bed with Chaeryeong as your nightmares had shaken you awake from your deep slumber, tears had been endlessly rolling down from your cheeks, and your shoulders shuddered with your heavy breaths.

She haunted your dreams again. She’s always haunted you no matter what you did.

You thought you were finally able to move past it, how badly she had treated you and how badly your relationship had gotten, but you were wrong.

You can still remember each painful jab she took at you, each stinging remark she voiced out whenever she was angry, and you can remember each agonizing bruise she left on your body whenever she got carried away in your arguments.

It had been years since you were able to free yourself from your relationship with your ex-girlfriend, and yet somehow, even when you were miles and miles away from her, her memory still haunts you.

You felt so small and weak whenever your thoughts haunted you, your mind taking you back to each moment she had hurt you, and there was nothing you could do but curl into yourself until the terror and dread eventually passed on.

Tonight was no different than all the nights you were crying on your own. The only difference was that Chaeryeong was right beside you, sleeping away the remnants of her exhausting day, and it only made it harder on you since you didn’t want to wake her up.

This wasn’t the first time this happened, the previous times it did you managed to slip away with some half-assed excuse as to not worry your girlfriend, but this time you were paralyzed in place.

You couldn’t move a muscle as you quivered pathetically in your spot, your heart hammering painfully against your ribcage, and soon enough there was very little you could do to silence your sobs.

As much as you dreaded Chaeryeong waking up to see you this disheveled and broken, a part of you wanted her to wake up.

You needed her to hold you, you needed her to hug back all the broken pieces of your heart, and you needed her to help fight away the doubts that clouded your head.

Luckily for you, your wishes would be granted soon enough.

"Y/N? Baby?" Chaeryeong’s voice was groggy, pushing herself up from the bed, and she rubs the sleep from her eyes as she turns to you.

It was dark, so she wasn't able to see your tears right away, but she did hear your sniveling, and as soon as the sleep exited her system, worry immediately replaced her drowsiness. "Are you crying? What happened, my girl?"

"I—" you hesitated, not wanting to reopen any old wounds, and you hugged yourself tightly as you strained your mind for the proper words to say.

Chaeryeong never knew about your past, you figured it would be better to leave it where it was, and you didn't want to add any more of her worries. Being with you was hard enough, you didn't want to give your girlfriend a harder time.

"I had a nightmare." It was a pathetic and childish excuse, but you figured it was better than curling into yourself and refusing to answer her.

You shut your eyes tight, preparing for a snarky remark from her or an annoyed groan, but you were surprised to hear neither from her. 

Instead, you hear Chaeryeong let out a coo as she inched closer to you, and she brushes her hand over your arm comfortingly. "Oh, baby, I'm sorry. What was it about? It must've been really bad if it had you this shaken up. Do you wanna talk about it?"

Chaeryeong never failed to leave you speechless, always surprising you even in the smallest of ways, and you could feel yourself falling deeper for her the longer you two were together.

"Y-You're not annoyed that I woke you up?" You gulped, dreading what her next words would be, but she never says anything bad to you, regardless of your childish excuse.

"Why would I be?" She shrugged, pulling you close to her as she wraps her arms around you, and she rests her chin on your shoulder after she presses a kiss over it. "Nightmares happen. I have them sometimes too. It's normal."

"I'm sorry. I know you—" "I'm gonna stop you right there, my girl." She says with a chuckle, poking your cheek as she did, and she looks at you lovingly. "Why do you always apologize for the smallest things huh? It's okay, baby. Would you like me to stay up with you until you can fall asleep again?"

You stared at her for a little bit, blinking repeatedly as you got a hold of yourself, sighing out as you leaned your head on her shoulder, and you wrapped your arms around her tightly. “I think I’d like that. Will you cuddle with me too, please?”

“Of course, baby.” Chaeryeong smiles as she encases you in her arms, fingers weaving in your locks as she massages your scalp, and she plants a kiss atop your head. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

With your eyes sewn shut, you shook your head and you buried yourself deeper into her. “It was just some dumb nightmare, my love. I don’t wanna think about it too much. I just wanna feel you.”

Your girlfriend hums, looking down at your face with gleaming eyes, and she smiles as she sees the peaceful look on your features. “Well, whatever it is, my girl, you’re safe with me now. And I’ll make sure to scare all your nightmares away.”

“Thanks, Chaer.” You smile as you look up at her, leaning close to press a kiss on her cheek, and you nestle yourself into the crook of her neck. “You’re the best. I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” Chaeryeong says sweetly and she lulls you back to sleep, holding you as close to her as possible, and it doesn’t take long for you to drift away in your dreams.

You were safe in her arms, you needed to remember that. For the sake of your relationship, you just had to.

You shouldn’t let the past ruin your current happiness.

—

This was the moment you had been dreading since the very start of your relationship with Chaeryeong. Admittedly, you had done everything in your power to avoid a moment like this for fear of things escalating and, ironically, it was your paranoia that had led up to this moment.

“It’s all my fault,” you told yourself over and over as you watched Chaeryeong pace back and forth right in front of you, your own mind racing with endless thoughts as something dropped to the pit of your stomach, and you could only stand as you watched her usually calm features contort in frustration. “It’s all my fault.”

With an annoyed huff, Chaeryeong stops walking, her back turned towards you as she rested her palms on her waists, and she hangs her head defeatedly.

“Chaer—” “I don’t understand you sometimes, Y/N.” The melancholic tone that laced her voice cut through your heart and it only elevated all your fears as you watched her hug herself hopelessly. “It’s like there’s a barrier between you and me all of a sudden. One moment you refuse to be apart from me, and the next it’s like you don’t even want to be near me. I don’t— I don’t get it. Is it something I did?”

The guilt in your heart only doubled down as you caught a glimpse of the lost look reflecting in her beautiful eyes. You shook your head at her words, hesitantly stepping close to her, and your hands hover around you, not knowing whether you should reach out or pull back. “Chaeryeong, no, of course not. I swear, it isn’t anything you did.”

“Then what is it?” She questions, her head snapping to your direction, and she furrows her brows at you. “I’m trying so hard to make things work between us and I can see you trying too, but I can still feel that you’re hiding something from me. Do you not trust me, baby?”

“No! Of course, I trust you!” You assert, panic rising in your chest as you try to look her in the eyes, and you feel your breathing pick up its  pace. “Chaer, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way, that isn’t my intention, I swear. I— I’m sorry if I’m being difficult and I’m sorry if it’s starting to become too much. But I promise you, I’m trying. I’m trying so hard.”

“I know you are. I can see it.” She sighed as she turned on her heel, walking towards you to meet you halfway, and she took hold of your arm gently. “But, if we want this to work, you need to let me in, baby. I’m having a hard time here too. Please, just tell me what it is. I want this to work.”

You couldn’t help but stare at her hand as she held you, reveling in the small form of intimacy she had shared with you, and your head was screaming at you to finally tell her. To finally open up about the past you’ve hidden for so long and to finally air out the pain you’ve been feeling. But you just can’t.

There’s something inside of you that’s stopping you. Maybe it’s the embarrassment. Maybe it’s the guilt. You don’t know which one, but you just didn’t have it in you to burden Chaeryeong with all your trauma.

“Chaer, I’m so sorry.” You say through gritted teeth as you meet her gaze and you swallow the lump in your throat. “I— I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

The disappointment, more so frustration, on Chaeryeong’s face was evident as she shut her eyes defeatedly and she let out an exasperated sigh. You opened your mouth to speak, attempting to apologize to her again, but you stop dead in your tracks when you see her raise her hand up.

A whimper slips past your lips as you flinch at the sudden movement, hands instinctively covering yourself in defense, and you curl into yourself as you await for the hit to come.

Chaeryeong looks at you in shock, then she looks at her raised hand, wanting nothing more than to brush her hair back, but seeing you quivering in front of her because of the gesture caused her heart to break.

“D-Did you…” she hesitated. “Did you think I was gonna hit you?”

The heavy atmosphere that surrounded you both had finally dawned on you, letting the tears you’ve been holding back slip past through your eyes and down your cheeks, and you stared at her in shock. 

“Y/N, my love, I would never lay a hurtful hand on you. Ever.” Chaeryeong shakes her head with each word she lets out and she eyes you carefully.

Your mind buzzed as the memories all came rushing back to you, the dread and horror invading your system, and your sobs had gotten the better of you. Endless strings of muffled apologies left your lips as you broke down in front of your girlfriend, knees buckling as your strength seeped out of you, and you slinked to the ground pathetically.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You repeated over and over, gipping onto your hair tightly as you curled into yourself, and you rocked back and forth as you hugged yourself. “My fault. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry.”

Chaeryeong stared at you in shock, her mind going blank as she desperately tried to think of a way to help, but seeing you so broken in front of her immediately sent her common sense flying through the window. She had never seen you this panicked or frazzled before, and it terrified her to see the mortified look on your features.

As stunned as she was in that moment, her instincts immediately kicked back in when she heard your shallow breaths and saw how your shoulders shuddered as you continued to panic in front of her.

“Y/N, I need you to breathe.” She mutters in a hushed voice, not wanting to alarm you or invade your space, and she gets down to your level. “You’re not breathing, baby. Take slow and deep breaths for me. Do as I do, okay?”

Chaeryeong’s voice was faint in your mind, but no matter how quiet it sounded in comparison to the buzz in your head, you had managed to listen to her words, and you desperately tried to calm your breathing as she guided you through it.

“That’s it. You’re doing great, my girl. Keep that up.” Chaeryeong praises gently, easing her way to you, and she manages to sneak close enough to you. “Is it okay if I stay here beside you? Do you want me to stay?”

You manage to nod your head, whimpering as your eyes flickered to her, and you shut them tight as your vision started to spin. The room felt tiny around you, every little thing felt suffocating, but having her beside you was the thing you needed to be grounded back into reality.

“It’s okay, baby. Take your time. Take all the time you need.” She reassures you, reminding herself to keep her distance, and she keeps all her focus on you. “Can you tell me something you can sense right now? Maybe something you can smell?”

“Y-Your perfume. I can smell your perfume.” You managed to mutter out through your sobs, burying your head into your knees as you hugged yourself tighter, and you swallowed thickly.

“Good job, my girl. You’re doing great. You’re doing so well.” She affirms you with a small smile and she wracks her brain for any other way to help. “Do you want me to hold you? Do you wanna hold my hand?”

You shake your head immediately, curling into yourself even more. “P-Please, don’t. D-Don’t touch me.”

Chaeryeong takes that as a sign to back up a bit, fearing that she might do more harm than good, and she nods her head understandingly. “That’s alright too. Can you tell me what you need?”

“I— I don’t know.” You choke out, your heart hammering in your chest, and you whimper as flashes of your memories continue to run through your head. “Please, make it stop.”

“Where are you, Y/N?” She asks carefully. “Can you tell me where you are right now?”

“She’s here. I’m back with her again.” Chaeryeong didn’t know who you were referring to, but judging by the way your voice quivered and how your body shook, it was enough to tell her all she needed to know. “Not her. Please, anyone but her.”

“You’re in our house, baby. You’re safe. You’re safe with me.” She reminds you, voice barely above a whisper as she continues to coax you through your thoughts. “Touch the floor, touch the carpet. Look at the pictures on the walls or listen to my voice. Ground yourself here.”

You manage to press your palm against the floor, feeling the ground beneath you as you start to come down from your frantic thoughts, and you take in a big deep breath.

Hardwood floors and a comfortable carpet. Her apartment didn’t have that.

Your eyes fluttered open, immediately darting to the decorations that adorned your home.

The pictures on the walls weren’t of her. They were of you and your girlfriend.

Then you manage to look at the girl in front of you, seeing how she kept her bright eyes focused on you and you saw nothing but love and adoration staring straight back at you.

You’re with Chaeryeong now. Not with her. Chaeryeong loves you. And she would never, ever hurt you.

“I-I’m in our house.” You mumble, relief flooding your system, and you see Chaeryeong smile at you as she nods her head approvingly. “That’s right, baby. You’re in our house and you’re safe here, I promise. Is there anything else I can do to help?”

“Hold me.” Your voice trembled, the remnants of your tears staining your cheeks, and you bit the inside of your cheek. “Please, hold me.”

Chaeryeong opens up her arms for you and you crawl into her lap almost instantly, straddling her as she encases you in a hug, and she intuitively brushes her fingers into your hair. “I’ve got you, my girl. I’m here. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but I’m here to listen.”

You merely nodded your head in response, stilling yourself as you buried yourself into the crook of her neck, and you wrapped your arms around her tightly.

She held you in her arms as long as you needed her to, whispering reassuring words to you as you focused on your breathing, and once you had recovered from your fit of terror, you manage to muster up the courage to finally talk.

You tell Chaeryeong everything, at least everything you could handle to speak about, and it was a long, arduous but much needed conversation.

Admittedly, you were terrified of revealing your past to her, but with everything that just happened, you knew in your heart that Chaeryeong only wanted what was best for you and that she would do everything in her power to make sure you were okay. She had proven time and again how much you mattered to her, and how much she had loved you, and it only made sense for you to share the most crucial parts of your life to her.

And Chaeryeong, being the amazing person she is, listened to your words intently. It broke her heart to find out that you’ve been carrying this burden on your own for the longest time. A mix of anger and sadness had bubbled up inside of her as you revealed more about your past, and she couldn’t even begin to imagine how painful all of this had been.

It made so much more sense to her now. Why you would be so reserved most of the time, why you would apologize for every little silly mistake you made, and why you would always blame yourself in any given situation.

Chaeryeong assured you that she wouldn’t leave your side and that she would help you move on from this, regardless of how hard it’ll be and how long it’ll take. She was going to stay with you and she wanted to work through this with you.

You were the love of her life and she would do anything to make you feel safe and make you happy.

You weren’t going to allow your past to ruin your current happiness.

And now, Chaeryeong wouldn’t allow for that to happen either.

[aka-ashi-keiji]

Hi love ! Here is my Shouto Todoroki OS request, quite simple, yet deep: in your opinion, what would it take for Shouto to actually comprehend, then acknowledge his feelings for reader ? Like, I love Slow burns and I think Todoroki's character is perfect for this kind of development. But I wonder how many time it would take him to realize what has been growing in his heart for who knows how long, in a canon way?

Or, to put it in a simple way: How long does it take to Todoroki to come to terms with his feelings, and what does he do about it ? How ?

Here it is, you're absolutely free in this request (But please give us a happy ending with lot of Fluff eidkdud). Thank you so much in advance, ILY ❤💖

Love Made of Broken Iron

Shoto Todoroki

Understanding love, best friends to lovers

One shot, soft angst to fluff

tw: mentions of child abuse.

a/n: this is for one of the kindest mutuals i have! @luluwiie i hope you love this, it was challenging but so so so much fun. hopefully this fulfills your gorgeous request. i love you!

You waited patiently on the porch as your uniform skirt moved with the early morning wind. The cherry blossom trees had just started to bloom and that fact alone was enough to warm the tips of your frozen fingers as your smile crept to your face. But nonetheless, you were freezing and it seemed as though your companion was running slightly behind schedule. You checked the time on your phone and just like you suspected, Shoto was running 5 minutes late to meet you outside his house.

“God shoto, how long does it take you to slip on a uniform?” You huffed out as you placed your phone back in your pocket and turned to knock on the front door. However, before you even got the chance to, it swung open and duel chromatic eyes stared back into yours.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting, I made us sandwiches for lunch.” He greeted you in his usual calm but hard front demeanor. Instead of commenting about how cold you were and that he should’ve made lunch faster, you simply took it and placed it in your bag. With that, you both started your commute.

You and Shoto have known each other since you were young, but due to his own family issues you both had just recently become friends. As a child, you always admired his splitone features and the way his eyes lit up in two separate ways when he was excited. At age five, you thought he was cool. But now at age seventeen, you can’t help but think he’s absolutely and utterly gorgeous.

Shoto had accepted your companionship your first year of highschool. Both of you always seemed to keep to your desk and shy away from the large groups, that similarity between you two caused you to naturally gravitate towards him. Asking for his number and inviting him to get coffee with you after school was single handedly the scariest but best idea you have ever committed to. Because if you hadn’t done that, if you had just let that day during your first year continue as always and gone to get coffee by yourself, you wouldn’t be where you are right now.

Currently, Shoto is walking on your right, he always insisted on doing so, just so that he could put some distance between you and the street. Your hands wrapped themselves securely around his forearm closest to you, trying to draw from his warmth. Well, that’s what you told yourself. But, in all honesty you just wanted an excuse to be close to him, to connect to him.

It was embarrassingly obvious how in love with Shoto you were, everyone seemed to notice except for him. And you weren’t the only one to take notice of his beauty and fall for his contrasting features. However, with you it was different, you knew that your romantic feelings couldn’t be grouped together with all of his other admirers. You didn’t fall in love with Shoto just because he was beautiful, but because you were able to connect to him and see past that iron wall he fights so hard to keep up.

Slowly, over the past three years at UA, you found yourself becoming immersed with your own feelings, not entirely sure how to deal with them. Your first year wasn’t too bad, you felt the normal butterflies when he would pat your shoulder when you did something well, one of his only signs of affection. And your cheeks still dusted rose as he would greet you in the morning and compliment something about your hair or the way you wore your uniform. But your second year was drastically different. You had a mere teenage crush on Shoto during your first year, but the amount of time you spent with him the summer after allowed for your feelings to expand to new points you didn’t know your heart was capable of feeling.

The intensity of your love spread like wildfire with every passing day you spent with him in the summer air. You’d find yourself growing overly excited about study sessions you would normally dread due to you thinking summer was your time for a break. And you personally hated silent reading with people around, the silence was uncomfortable. But sitting next to Shoto in your own home, you both on the couch with your legs over his lap, the books you read in silence on those days, that silence was comfortable then.

And if your legs weren’t over his lap, your head found its way to his shoulder or his would fall to yours. His peppermint hair sweeping to the side and tickling the nape of your neck and also covering his observant eyes. But no matter how subtle the touches were, no matter how brief the physical connection, the fire within your heart only blazed warmer.

Shoto was notorious for keeping his distance, but he let you get close. He allowed for you to take part in his interests and he took time to explain to you what he feels and why these things bring him so much joy. He let down his iron wall with you, even if it was just a little. But eventually, you learned what that iron wall was hiding. You come to understand why he’s afraid of boiling water and why he flinches so hard when you hug him without warning. You learned the heart-wrenching story of the scar that covers his sapphire eye, and the damage that it caused and still tolls on him today. You now understood why he always insisted on hanging out with you and anywhere outside of his home. And knowing you could provide that sanction for him ignited your heart’s flames all over once more.

Deep down you wanted so badly to expand your connection to him beyond just friends, but something stopped you. This ‘something’ was so definite, it felt nearly physical. It was as if an iron wall stood between you two.

Shoto had never shown any romantic interests in you, but then again he never took notice of anyone in that sort of way. No matter how many girls threw themselves his way, or when countless guys tried to catch a sliver of his attention, he barely even glanced in their direction. And it wasn’t because he was trying to be rude or blow them off. He genuinely just couldn’t tell when someone was trying to flatter him, his social skills still not up to speed. Shoto was capable of feeling, he just wasn’t sure if he should feel.

You knew this first hand, all the hints you dropped about the flames in your chest never were picked up. He simply believed you were platonically complimenting him, that iron wall still plastered around his heart. And no matter how rapid your feelings grew, the fear of rejection always halted your confessions. You loved Shoto so deeply, but you cared for the strength of your guys’ friendship to a much more powerful extent.

One night during finals week of your second year, you and Sho had been studying nearly all day. It was a Saturday and it was around 10:30 at night. You personally were hungry and Shoto himself said he could go for a snack. A late night soba vender had just opened up down the street, seemed like the perfect spot. So you both threw on sweaters over the sweatpants you had sat in all day, texted your parents since they had already gone to bed, and just like that you and shoto were walking down the dimly lit street through the quantum hours of the night sky.

The stars were scattered abundantly that night, the chill that went through your spine with every gust of wind went merely unnoticed due to the night’s beauty. Your hand clutched Shoto’s bicep, he insisted on it as a precaution. It made you feel safer as well, knowing abductions had been more frequent and took place mainly at night. But along with the security it provided, it also warmed you from the inside. The manifestation of love in your heart turned to flames, and the flames seemed to ignite your senses and tint your cheeks pink. By your luck, Shoto didn’t notice any of this, he never noticed how flustered you became when you shared these small touches that seemed to break that iron wall. But, maybe that was for the better.

You guys had ended your commute to the soba vendor, seating yourselves at the counter and ordering respectively. Shoto had insisted on paying since he somehow managed to swipe his father’s credit card, but if it was Enji’s money, you really couldn’t mind. By the time you each had finished up your meal, the time was nearly 11:45. Your walk home was slightly more eventful than the first time around, you decided to take a detour through a park near a quiet pond.

Shoto’s feet dragged after yours all while you tugged his arm as you nearly skipped to the water's edge. You had a slightly more pep in your step than he himself, but that was nearly symbolic of you and Shoto. You two were nearly identical in the way you always held a calm expression, your short but precise remarks, and even in the demeanor you both present when you become even the slightest bit irritated. These similarities manifested from the tough love in which you were raised with, Shoto’s father being mainly all tough and no love. Your parents drilled it into your mind that anything less of perfection was utter failure. But the love he lacked, you still received to some extent as a child. and that’s what set you apart. You had the ability to skip through the night and feel the joy of the starlight reflecting off your eyes, Shoto simply watching and observing your ecstasy. Not entirely processing a feeling he sees now, but has never felt for himself.

Both you and Shoto came to a standstill at the edge of the water, barely any words had been exchanged since you left the soba vendor. The shoes you both wore began to sink into the sand of the bay. You leaned over the edge, Shoto mimicking your actions. Your reflections on the water surface rippled by the Koi fish that swam beneath. The light the stars cast onto their scales bounced back and onto Shoto’s eyes. His focus connected to the fish as it swam down stream and your reflections became whole once more. While his gaze never shifted, you found yours following the change of his features. You watched through the mirror of water as his eyebrows relaxed, the corners of his mouth weren’t pulled tight, but instead they tugged upward in the most subtle of ways. The flames erupted once more, rising from the ashes like wings of a phoenix, the feeling of love you forced yourself to keep inside was fighting back against your will. You averted your gaze in hopes the heat rising in your chest and your face would subside, but even though you stood at Shoto’s right hand, that wasn;t enough to cool the flames. He noticed your sudden change of focus through the movement reflected on the water, and that's when his focus shifted, shifted to meet yours.

When your eyes connected to the brown and blue of his, you couldn’t help but take notice of just how beautiful he truly was. The way his scar emphasized the brightness of his left eye, the way of how they sparkled just as the stars did against the pond you currently stood near. Your mind had become so utterly consumed by your admiration, his words of concern passed right through you.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” He spoke softly, the time of night affecting his tone. He waved his hand slightly in front of your eyes, breaking the trance you were trapped inside. His pupils were blown out a slight bit more, his eyebrows furrowed together like they tend to be. You nodded your head, bringing yourself back to reality. Shoto brought his hand down to your elbow, slowly ushering you back to the sidewalk. What happened in the following ten seconds seemed to span for eons. Shoto turned to walk back, still keeping his grip on your arm, gentle but stern. Before you could stop yourself your hand pulled on his shoulder lightly, his attention back to you. Your hand found its way to his chin and his grip on your arm tightened in the smallest bit.

“Wha-”

Your lips cut off his protest of confusion, your eyes squeezed shut as his eyes flew open wider than ever before. You hand caressed his jaw gently as his grip on your arm fell entirely. This connection and such deep affection that was poured into that single kiss was nearly three years of confined emotions, the crave and depth of your love finally sprung free from your soul. But as you enjoyed the brief moment, your senses began to override your heart. You suddenly remembered that what was between you and Shoto was nothing more or less of a close and two way friendship. You were the first to pull away, although the look on Shoto’s face when you finally came back down from your high, he looked as if he had pulled away first.

“Sho, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happ- I shouldn't have done that please-” You rambled on as you took a step back, shame replacing the flames that were there just seconds before.

“Let’s go home, it’s late.” He cut in, his voice possessing an edge it wouldn’t normally.

“Sho please-” you pleaded, but were cut off once more.

“Y/n, please.”

The way he said your name, the motion of his back turned to you waiting for you to follow, it was enough for you to realize this was territory that shouldn’t be touched. And so instead of trying to explain yourself or make sense of what the hell just happened, you both made your way back to your house in complete and utter silence. The street lights and stars your only guide through the wordless lack of warmth. For the first time ever within your connection to Shoto, the silence couldn’t even be described as uncomfortable. It was absolutely unbearable.

Shoto had made sure you made it inside your house before walking down two blocks to his own. The usual goodnight text you received, the reminder to actually sleep, never danced across your phone screen. The conversation labeled with his name remained silent and only held the traces of the goodnight text from the night before. You couldn’t recall crying or ever falling asleep, but you remembered feeling the dampness of your pillow as you woke up the morning after.

Monday soon rolled around and you were in the middle of gathering your things for school. You couldn’t deny you were nervous to repeat your normal routine of walking to school with Shoto, but you decided the least you could do was try. You packed an extra snack for him just in case, just as he did for you on days where you were particularly struggling. You were in the middle of slipping on your shoes when a knock was heard on the door. Your parents left for work before you even woke and so that left you to answer. You expected it to be your neighbor or a local vendor, but there he stood. His uniform nicely pressed, his tie nice and straight, and his hair perfectly parted down the middle, not a single strand of white mixing with red.

“Sho! We don’t have to start walking for another half hour what are-”

“Let’s take a walk. We should talk.” He stated quite plainly, turning and walking down the steps of your porch and waiting quietly on the sidewalk.

You quickly regained your bearings and your bag and made your way to his side as your steps fell in time with his. He began to lead you through a left turn when you two would usually turn right. This is the long way to school, you thought. Maybe he really did finally have something to say. You weren;t sure if you actually were ready to hear it. it all depended on how he felt about your affections. Your fear of rejection still failed to waver even after the act of courage you displayed two days before.

Without knowing, you were walking on Shoto’s right side that day, closest to the street. Shoto only noticed as you accidentally bumped his side as you moved away from a speeding car. Without a word, he placed his hands on your biceps and moved you to his left, putting distance between you and the street. Your breath caught in your throat as he did this, the action that was so natural in any other circumstance. But in this moment in time, it showed that the connection between you two was still there and it held through the tense air that filled the space between.

Suddenly, Shoto stopped. His movements stopped entirely just a few strides in front of you. You as well came to standstill, your gaze connecting to the back of his school blazer. Then, as if the world had suddenly started to move in slow motion, Shoto turned and faced you. His hands flew to the sides of your jaw, his fingers placed behind your ears and at the curve where your jaw meets the start of your neck. His lips crashed into yours, the force behind them angry but warm, much more force than yours had conveyed. He didn’t back away, his eyes were shut as his lips explored yours. The electric that ran through his fingertips and danced across your shoulders and down your arms, spurring into your fingertips. Your hands came up to grip the front of his blazer, trying to ground yourself and not disassociate from this moment. But as quickly as it started, his lips left yours, Shoto pulling away first this time. Both of you heaved, your chests falling and rising rapidly. Saliva glistened across your lips, your own pupils blown out along with his. He brushed his bangs from his vision, focusing his hazed eyes back to you. His silence was broken as he breathed out something similar to a confession and an explanation.

“Y/n I’m gonna talk. And let me say it all before I forget please.” You nodded your head and the intensity your eyes held was enough of an indication that you were ready to hear it all. Shoto was ready to let down his iron wall completely, and welcome you into his heart that was so sheltered it didn’t know what it was necessarily welcoming.

“Look, I’m so sorry for blowing you off and dismissing the kiss that night. I should’ve at least said something, anything. But please understand that rash acts of affection is something I don’t know how to process. You know me and you know how I grew up. The last time I was ever shown any sort of physical love was from my mother, and I was five when she was taken away. I had been feeling a certain way whenever I would spend time with you. My chest would tighten and it seemed as if my heart was going to leap out on my throat. I could feel the heat of my left side intensify, it spreading to my right whenever you smiled at me. I have never felt this way, I never have felt anything close to this. I don’t even know what it is, but it draws me to you. It’s as if I’m being pulled by an unknown force that surrounds you. And it scared me, I was terrified to indulge in this feeling because it was so strange to me. A knot was constantly tightening in my stomach, and when you kissed me it snapped. And it shocked me, the feeling shocked my common sense entirely. I don’t understand this and I don’t know why. I feel these things for you but my body isn;t capable of processing it. And I could see that hurt you, and I’m sorry. I- I just need time. I still don’t know what this is. I can;t say it’s love because I’ve never loved anyone. But I’m trying to understand it because I know one thing. I care about you and I want to always be there to care about you. I feel for you beyond the feelings of a friendship. Maybe this could be love that I feel, but I’m still trying to figure that out. What I’m trying to say is that I want to love you. I’ll teach myself how to do that. But please be patient with me, let me understand these feelings.”

As his voice trailed off, your mind held onto one specific detail he spoke about. It all made sense now. His reaction made so much sense and you cursed yourself for not realizing it before. Shoto wasn;t shown the same love you were as a child, therefore his heart and mind aren’t equipped to process such strong acts of affection. You were, you were shown that extent of love, even if it was just a little. His heart was completely overwhelmed, and his entire ability to reciprocate that affection was held back by those iron walls. Something you failed to realize was that those iron walls don’t only keep feelings out, they also keep his own emotions in. And that kiss that night broke the walls and those pent up emotions flooded his body, rendering him unable to explain his bluntness. It all finally made sense.

“I’ll wait Shoto. I get it, I should’ve known. But I’ll be here to help you understand those feelings. I’ll be as patient for as long as you need because I’m able to understand my own emotions. And from that I know that I love you.” You spoke gently, cupping his hand between yours, silietly promising to be there to help his iron walls come down.

And with that, you pulled him to your chest and wrapped your arms around his waist, his gripping around your shoulders. As you embraced, Shoto vowed that he would work to understand, work to tear down the iron walls around his heart, he would do this all until he could say he loved you too.

Back to present day, nearly a year later. You and Shoto had made your way to the UA campus, about to split to different ends of the hall. His arm was wrapped snugly around your waist as he pulled you closer. His lips connected to your temple as he mumbled something about remembering to eat the sandwich he had given you that morning. You simply nodded and hugged around his waist before he pulled away. You waved him off as he began to walk his own route to class. And before you started to walk your own way, you called out to him just as his back turned.

“I love you sho.” You said loud enough for him to hear, but not so much for everyone in the halls with you two to turn their heads. He turned back around, his bangs hanging low over his two toned eyes, his scar peeking out from behind as he smiled faintly at you.

Shoto waved to you subtly as he mouthed back, “I love you too.”

There it was. You could almost hear the crash of his iron walls fall.

He holsted his bag once more and disappeared into the crowd of your fellow peers. You also began your commute as you smiled extremely brightly to yourself. His iron walls had finally come down, and his heart accepted this emotion now as something it knew. Shoto only knew the feeling of true love because he knew you, and your heart expanded because you knew him. And you now also knew everything hidden behind the walls of his mind and heart. Your guys’ love entirely constructed from the broken fragments of iron that Shoto broke down piece by piece.

>>>>>>

a/n pt. two: gonna take the time to explain why i struggled with this piece. it wasn’t because i didn’t like the prompt or i didn’t have inspiration from it. it was solely based on the fact that i’m terrible at writing love stories! also todoroki is such a complex character and i haven’t completely analyzed him like i have with bakugou and deku and kirishima. that’s why this piece was a little rougher than ones i’ve written for bakugou. nonetheless, i love this story and id love to see shoto smile again :,)

[kpoppwriter]

The Guy From Summer Camp

Genre: Camp Counselor!AU (Counselor!Mingyu x Counselor!reader)

Words: 3.5k+

Warnings: n/a

Synopsis: You were a counselor at a summer camp in your hometown right after your senior year of highschool. So was Mingyu. You had a bit of a summer romance but after camp ended, you never spoke. Years later, you’ve graduated from college and are looking for a job. In the meantime, you sign up to be a counselor at that same summer camp, for old times sake but what happens when your old flame is also back as a counselor?

A/N: I was inspired to write this by the series Tales from Camp by @kwanisms I highly recommend it its so so good 1000/10 also thanks to @allymemes19​ for helping me with a lot of this love you girl 💕

This is the longest singular fic I have ever written. I have other series and such that are longer but this is the longest thing I’ve written at one time. I love this so so much and I hope you all do too!! 

You stood in front of the large doors of the dining hall, your suitcase beside you. You could hear the soft voice of people chatting through the wooden material. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You grabbed the door handle and slowly opened the door. 

“Ah, there she is!”

All eyes flicked over to you as the camp director walked over to you. He smiled, welcoming you in. You felt slightly embarrassed as you noticed everyone looking at you. 

“Everyone, this is Y/N. She’s our other camp alum.” 

“Other?” you shot the director a quizzitive look

Before he could answer your question, a loud banging echoed from the kitchen in the back of the dining hall. After a moment, a head popped up from behind the counter. 

“Sorry, I dropped the baking tray.”

The person stood up, placing the baking tray in his hand on the table behind him. He walked out of view, assumedly going towards the door that lead back into the dining hall. You heard the director chuckle from beside you.

“Typical Mingyu.”

“Mingyu?” 

You locked eyes with the male just as he walked into the dining hall. You blinked a few times, like you weren’t sure if this was real. Apparently, Mingyu was having the same feelings as you, his expression mirroring yours. Mingyu cleared his throat.

“It’s good to see you again, Y/N.”

The rest of the orientation went smoothly. You were reintroduced to all the rules and regulations of the camp, as well as the duties you’d be performing over the summer. After everyone was given the camp counselor “uniform” (it was just a light blue t-shirt with counselor written on the back), you were sent to your assigned cabins. You were glad you had seniority at this moment since it meant you got a single room instead of having to share a room with some other girls that you barely knew. All the counselors walked together down the path towards the cabins. You walked behind everyone, too tired to join in on the conversations. You didn’t realize how lost in thought you were until you felt someone bump your shoulder. You looked over and noticed Mingyu walking beside you.  

“Hey.”

“Hey.” 

There was silence. 

“It’s been a while,” he said

“It has.”

Silence yet again. You walked awkwardly beside each other.

“Listen, I don’t want this to be awkward between us,” Mingyu sighed, “Do you wanna pretend we’ve never met before? We can start over.” 

Mingyu stopped in front of you, extending his free hand your direction.

“Hi, I’m Kim Mingyu.” 

Your lips twitched into a smile as you took his hand, shaking it. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/L/N Y/F/N.” 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Y/N,” he nodded

You continued to walk down the path, stopping just before it split off in two directions. 

“Well, I’m that way,” you pointed your thumb towards the right path that led to the girls’ cabins

“I’m that way,” Mingyu pointed to the direction of the boys’ cabins

You nodded, pausing before turning to walk down the path. You turned back around when you heard Mingyu call your name. 

“Meet me at the spot tonight after lights out.”

Before you had a chance to question him, he was gone down the other path. 

“I dub thee...our spot,” Mingyu said triumphantly

“Our spot?” you laughed 

“Yeah! Our spot!” he said excitedly, “I mean, we spend so much time here and literally everyone knows that if either of us are missing, we’ll be here. It’s our spot.”  

You nodded, agreeing with his reasoning. You stared out at the lake in front of you, the sun reflecting orange and pink hues on the water. You were thankful for the blanket Mingyu had insisted on keeping hidden nearby. It had rained early in the morning and the ground was still a little damp. Mingyu sighed as he laid down, his arm going to rest under his head. Instead of watching the sunset, his eyes were focused on you. He tapped your shoulder. You looked over, his arm beckoning you to lay down with him. You smiled as you cuddled up to his side. He moved the arm under his head and circled it around your waist. He pulled you almost completely on top of him making you both giggle. He brushed a stray hair away from your face, his fingers lingering by your face. He cupped your cheek and pulled your face close-

~~~

“Y/N!”  

You were pulled from your thoughts when you heard your name. You turned to see Mingyu sneaking over to you. 

“I forgot how hard it is to sneak out of the cabins after lights out,” he chuckled

“Yeah, I know. The floors are even louder than before,” you joked

Mingyu got comfortable in the grass, the roots of a nearby tree making it a little hard. 

“I forgot how beautiful this view is,” you whispered

“Yeah,” he agreed, “I was actually worried that you forgot where this place was.”

“How could I forget when you made such a big deal of it,” you laughed, “You loved this spot so much. You even wanted to put up a sign claiming it as ours.”

“Well, it’s a great spot,” he grumbled

The water was still, the occasional lighting bug reflecting its light on the surface. It was dark and you were very glad of this fact. You could feel a warmth on your cheeks and you didn’t want to give Mingyu the satisfaction of seeing the pink tint. 

“So,” Mingyu turned to face you, “What have you been up to since the last time we saw each other?” 

Oh, how bittersweet those words must’ve felt coming out of his mouth.

“Ah, ya know...college and such,” you hummed, “After camp, I moved into the city and started college. I just graduated actually.”

“Oh, congrats,” Mingyu smiled, “I just graduated too!” 

“What’d you major in?”

“Culinary arts.” 

“Of course you did,” you smiled, “I can’t imagine you doing anything else.” 

“Well, you’re the one that told me I should even go to school for that.”

He was right, you had totally forgot. After listening to him tell you about another amazing recipe he wanted to try out, you had mentioned that he’d be a great chef and he should go to school for it. You didn’t think he really took that to heart. 

“What did you major in?”

“Education.”

“A perfect fit for you too,” Mingyu chuckled, “You were always good with the campers.”

“So were you Mr. I-Can’t-Wait-To-Be-A-Dad. I swear that’s all you’d talk about sometimes. It was always cooking or having kids.” 

You both laughed, knowing you were only half joking. The sounds of the night echoed in your ears. So many memories of the last time you were at camp resurfaced in your mind. You couldn’t tell if this made you happy or sad. 

“I missed you.” 

You barely heard Mingyu speak, his voice just barely above a whisper. His eyes were focused on his hands. He was far too shy to actually look at you now. 

“I was so sure it was going to be us in the end,” he sighed, “Then everything just...fell apart.”

“I know.”

You gazed out onto the water, the world feeling absolutely quiet for just a moment. You pulled your knees up to your chest holding them tightly. Your mind drifted off to all the times you spent daydreaming about your life with Mingyu after camp. All the plans you had. All the dreams. You sighed, your forehead resting on your knees. 

I know.

You were groggy when you woke up the next morning. Probably because of how late you stayed up, even after parting with Mingyu. You couldn’t sleep. You were just stuck on him. One of the other counselors knocked on your door telling you that they were heading to the dining hall. You told them you’d catch up with them in a bit. You didn’t really bother with getting ready, just throwing on your camp shirt and some shorts before heading to the bathroom to brush your teeth and fix your hair. 

You yawned as you walked the path towards the dining hall. You noticed up ahead were some of the male counselors, Mingyu sticking out like a sore thumb. His height made him very easy to spot. He noticed you walking behind the group and sent you a small wave. You returned it with a smile. 

The dining hall was surprisingly quiet,. Then again, you were used to seeing a bunch of kids filling all of the tables. Today, it was just the counselors and other camp staff. You grabbed a tray of food and headed towards the table where some of your cabinmates sat. Just as you were sitting down, the camp director walked to the front of the room.

“Morning everyone!” some people responded with a greeting of their own, “The campers will be showing up today around noon so everyone be ready up at the front gates to greet them.”

There were murmurs of ‘alright’ and ‘we’ll be there’ from the tables.  

“Now, as we have more campers, as well as counselors this year, I have taken the liberty to divide up tasks ahead of time. Everything will be done in pairs so don’t worry about being asked to do too much. Also, you won’t have to do the same duties every day. I tried to split everything up so everyone would be able to do a little bit of everything.” 

You weren’t really listening, your chewing drowning out the sounds of the director talking. Your eyes scanned the room, not really in search of anything but just to see what people were doing. Your eyes landed on Mingyu. He still looked tall despite being sat down. You were sure he had just gotten out of bed, his clothes looking like pajamas and his hair a bit disheveled. He was scarfing down his food, also not paying attention to the director. He lifted his head for a moment, his eyes locking with yours. You quickly looked away, knowing he was probably smirking at the sight of the blush appearing on your cheeks. 

The director finally finished talking and hung up the list of duties on the corkboard beside the front door of the dining hall. Counselors crowded around trying to get a look of what they were assigned to do for the next few weeks. You waited until most of the people had left before going up to check. You scanned the page looking for your name. You let out a sigh when you finally found your name. Kitchen duty on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and campfire time on Fridays and Saturdays.  

“Ok, that’s not too bad,” you thought, “But who with?”

Mingyu. For both. 

“Looks like we’re kitchen buddies and campfire buddies, huh Y/N?” Mingyu singsonged from behind you

“Looks like it,” you hummed

He sent you a warm smile before heading out of the dining hall. When he was out of sight, you let out an exasperated sigh. Why him?

“Mingyu, I swear to god if you put anymore of that frosting on me I will-”

“You will what?” he smirked, his icing covered finger inching closer to your face

“I know where you sleep,” you threatened

“And?” 

You slipped around Mingyu and dashed to the other side of the kitchen. You laughed at his surprised expression. 

“I’m slicker than you think I am,” you teased

“Oh, now you’re in for it.”

He chased you around the kitchen, his finger still holding onto the frosting. He caught up to you, snaking his arm around your waist. He pulled you into his chest and smeared the icing on your nose. You whined as you tried to wriggle your way out of his grasp. He spun you around but still kept you trapped in his arms. 

“I can’t get it,” you whined, trying to lick it off your nose

“You don’t have a long enough tongue for that, babe,” he chuckled

He licked the frosting off the tip of your nose, eliciting a groan from you. 

“Did you seriously just lick me?” you shot him a disgusted look 

Mingyu only laughed, pressing his lips to yours in a sweet kiss.

~~~

You shook your head, bringing yourself back to reality. You stirred the large pot of stew in front of you. You could hear Mingyu humming to himself from somewhere else in the kitchen. He was cutting up some vegetables to add to the side dishes for dinner. 

“Whatcha thinking about?” he asked suddenly

“Hmm?” his question took you by surprise, “Oh, ya know...”

“No I don’t actually,” he laughed, “That’s why I asked.”

He stopped chopping vegetables and walked over to you, leaning against the counter. 

“Spill.”

“I was just thinking about one of the times we were in here,” you admitted, “When we were supposed to be making cupcakes for one of the events but instead you chased me around with frosting.” 

“Ohh I remember that!” Mingyu said excitedly, “You are surprisingly quick. I was sure I was going to fall before I got a chance to catch up to you.” 

“I’m surprised you didn’t.” 

You continued to stir the stew, Mingyu staying beside you. You could feel Mingyu’s stare even though you weren’t looking at him. His fingers gently brushed against your temple as he moved a hair away from your face. Your eyes widened at the sudden touch but you didn’t move away. His fingers lingered by your face, almost like he was hesitating. You turned to look at him, his hand retracting.

“Sorry, that was probably overstepping,” he whispered

“No, no. You’re fine.” 

Your eyes were locked on each other. Your mouth was slightly agape, as if you were about to say something. But nothing came out. Mingyu hummed sadly before returning to the vegetables. The sounds of bubbling stew and the slicing of vegetables filled the kitchen but it still didn’t fill the silence between you and Mingyu. 

“What happened after camp ended?” he whispered

“What do you mean?”

“I thought we said we would make it work.”

You could hear the anger and frustration in his voice. 

“Life happened.”

“Life isn’t a good excuse,” he mumurmed 

You spun around to face him.

“You think I didn’t wish everything would’ve worked out? That we would’ve had the fairytale ending like we had hoped?” you felt tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, ”I wanted nothing more than to be with you. I thought about you everyday but I knew it couldn’t work. Not with everything I had on my plate.”

You let out a labored breath, all your emotions finally bubbling over. Mingyu was stunned at your sudden confession. He took a cautious step towards you.    

“Y/N-”

“No,” you put your hand up, warning  him not to step any closer, “I can’t do this. I came back to reminisce on the past. Not remind myself of how I broke your heart.”

You rushed out of the kitchen and out of the building, ignoring Mingyu as he called for you. 

You avoided Mingyu like the plague. You were still upset from the other day in the kitchen and still guilty from all those years ago. You had always felt guilty about what you did. You never meant to hurt him. But you couldn’t avoid him for much longer as it was Friday night and you two had to watch the campers at the campfire that night. it was unavoidable. You mustered up all the courage you had as you left your cabin at sunset. 

Mingyu was already setting up at the fire pit when you arrived. He looked a little surprised to see you. 

“Didn’t think I was gonna come?” you said

“Well I mean- I just wasn’t sure since you haven’t shown up for kitchen duty...”  

“Yeah...sorry about that.”

The conversation trailed off and the two of you just set up the fire pit in silence. Campers started walking up, their voices echoing into the night. The fire was burning bright, campers sat around it chatting loudly. You were fixing one of the younger girl’s hair when you heard a guitar being strum. The kids were silent only quiet oohs and ahhs coming from their mouths. Mingyu sat on one of the log benches with a guitar in hand. 

“I was thinking about playing a song for you all. How does that sound?” 

The children excitedly scooted closer waiting for Mingyu to start playing. 

“What about you, Ms. Y/N?” one of the boys asked   

“Yeah! We wanna hear you sing!” another boy said 

You tried to protest, coming up with excuses about how you weren’t a good singer and such. Mingyu immediately shut that down by stating that you had an amazing singing voice. You sent the male a glare as the begging from the children got more persistent. 

“Fine, I’ll sing.” 

The children cheered as you moved to sit closer to Mingyu. You sighed, waiting for him to start playing. 

“Settle down with me. Cover me up. Cuddle me in.”

Oh no.

“Lie down with me, And hold me in your arms.”

Not a romantic Ed Sheeran song. Not this one. 

“And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck. I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.”

Mingyu’s eyes moved from his guitar to meet yours. 

“And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now.”

Kiss me like you wanna be loved You wanna be loved You wanna be loved This feels like falling in love Falling in love We're falling in love

“That’s such a pretty song,” you hummed 

“It is,” Mingyu agreed

He let go of the guitar in his lap and took your hand in his, your fingers intertwining. You brought his hand up to your lips, kissing his knuckles. He giggled at the cute action. The flashlight that Mingyu had somehow attached to the nearby tree illuminated the two of you just enough; enough for you to see the blush on Mingyu’s cheeks. 

“Aww you’re blushing,” you cooed, pinching his cheek

“Stooop,” Mingyu pouted, playfully swatting your hand away

“How cute.”

You sat together on the blanket, fingers still intertwined. His thumb stroked the side of your hand absentmindedly. He stared up at the stars trying to find constellations he knew. Your gaze was too focused on him to do the same. 

“I love you,” you whispered

Mingyu’s eyes went wide as he moved to look at you. You stammered out some type of apology but was quickly stopped when Mingyu leaned over and kissed you. 

“I love you too,” he whispered against your lips

~~~

The night felt colder now that you weren’t by the fire anymore. Some of the younger girls wanted to go to bed but were too scared to walk alone. You walked them back to their cabin but didn’t really feel like going back to the campfire. You slowly made your way to the spot, not wanting to retire for the night. You passed by many small groups of kids heading back to their cabins from the campfire. You were happy when you finally arrived at the spot, needing some peace and quiet. You stared out onto the lake completely ignoring everything around you.

“Is this seat taken?” 

You jumped slightly at the sudden voice pulling you from your thoughts. Beside you stood Mingyu pointing at the ground next to you. You shook your head. He hummed as he plopped down beside you. You sat in silence for a while. 

“Do you remember the first time we said ‘I love you’ because I do,” Mingyu sighed as he laid down on the grass

You hummed, not wanting to admit that you remember that moment in perfect detail.

“It was such a beautiful night,” he chuckled to himself, “I was looking up at the stars thinking to myself ‘how do I tell her how I really feel without scaring her off?’ and I didn’t even have to worry about that. You said it first.” 

You pulled your knees up to your chest, hugging them tightly. You rested your head on your knees, your face looking at Mingyu. His eyes were looking up at the stars but you knew he wasn’t actually concentrated on them. 

“I still love you.”

Your voice was so quiet that Mingyu almost didn’t hear you. He immediately sat up. Your eyes were now gazing out at the lake, trying to avoid eye contact with him. 

“I never stopped loving you,” you whispered

He moved his hand to sit atop yours. Your eyes flicked down to your hand then up at him. His hand traveled up your arm to your cheek cupping it. His thumb gently brushed over your skin. He leaned in close, his breath fanning over your lips. He stopped just as his lips ghosted over yours, wordlessly asking for permission. You closed the gap and gently pressed your lips on his. He was so soft with you almost as if you were glass. You gripped onto his shirt tightly keeping him close to you. All your bottled up emotions came flooding out of you, tears rolling down your cheeks. Mingyu pulled away when he felt the wetness hit his thumb. 

“I-I’m so so-sorry for everything. I was just s-so scared to start something that maybe w-wouldn’t have lasted but I really w-wanted to be with you and-”

“Shhhh, it’s okay,” Mingyu pressed a finger to your lips effectively shutting you up, “We’re here now and we’ll make it work this time.” 

“You promise?”

“I promise.”  

[joontopia]

No Room For Love - ksj | Chapter 1

pairings: jin x reader; jimin x oc

genre: ceo!au, business!au, enemies to lovers            contains angst, fluff, & smut

warnings: nsfw, death of a minor character, language, little bit of angst, eventual smut, minor violence

chapter warnings: alcohol consumption, talks of death/character dying

a/n: IT’s FINALLY HERE. I’m so sorry this took so long for me to get out. After work getting crazier due to the pandemic, a lot of personal life interruptions, and a last minute change in parts of the plot and minor character details, it’s here! Shout out to my best friend and twin flame for being the best beta reader and fixing all of my mistakes (even if you poke fun at me for it, i still love you). I hope y’all enjoy it and thank you so much for being patient with me. 

summary: You never belonged in this lifestyle. Never fit in with the high class society of the rich and famous. Being the illegitimate daughter of a famous CEO, you were always seen as an embarrassment. As dirty blood. But when your half brother, Jimin, decides to give up his inheritance to follow his dream as an Idol, you finally get the chance to prove yourself.

Burdened with the responsibility of protecting the family name and saving your father’s business, now is not the time for any distractions. But one night and one lapse in judgment lands you in the arms of rich party boy, Kim Seokjin. He’s reckless. He’s annoying. He’s absolutely gorgeous. And he’s definitely not the man your father has arranged for you to marry.

You can’t shake him or the feelings that come along. But soon you learn that there’s no room for love in a society that never loved you.

It’s odd, the things you remember when you’re watching someone die. Little memories that you long forgotten about start to resurface in your mind. 

Like the tiny, two bedroom apartment you used to live in with your mom until you were thirteen. The walls you always remembered as a dull grey now shine in your mind as a bright sky blue. You’re sitting in the living room, dressed in a second hand princess costume. A handmade paper crown lies on the coffee table patiently waiting to be decorated with the mismatched gemstones that were spread around it. You’re smiling, drawing bright red hearts on the yellow construction paper. You can still remember the smell of the chocolate cupcakes your mom was baking in the kitchen for your sixth birthday. A hint of strawberry in the air from the homemade strawberry icing your mom was currently mixing on the counter, smiling every time she looked up to check on you. You felt your mouth start to water, remembering the taste of your birthday cupcakes. How every year, your mother would allow you one guess at her secret ingredient for her icing. You never were able to figure it out, and now you will never get the chance. 

That little apartment was always a place you had associated with embarrassment and sadness. This single, happy memory of your childhood home making you tear up in your mother’s hospital room, riddled with guilt. You wished you would have appreciated her more. Instead, you spent the majority of your teenage years blaming her for everything that was wrong in your life growing up. How you grew up known as the bastard daughter of one of the wealthiest men in South Korea. The product of an affair between your mom and the CEO of Park Properties, Park Ji-woon.

You hear a few light knocks coming from the doorway, ripping you from your subconscious back into the present. Turning to look at the unexpected visitor, you feel a blanket of comfort fall over you as your eyes fall on the boy leaning on the door frame. His light pink hair was hidden under a black hat and half his face was covered by a black mask, but the way his eyes turned into crescents from his smile was all you needed to see to know who it was. 

“Jimin.” You jump up from your chair by your mother’s bedside and run over to your half-brother, throwing your arms around him in a hug. 

“Hey, Peaches.” You smiled at the childhood nickname Jimin gave you when you were both kids. He rubbed your back in comfort before breaking the hug, moving his hands down your arms to hold yours. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I jumped on a flight as soon as I heard.” 

You look up at your brother with a small smile. “You didn’t have to come, Jiminie. I would’ve understood. You’re in the middle of a tour!”

“This is more important,” He says as he smiles back at you. Jimin was in the middle of a world tour with his four member idol group, Chaotic. He should be halfway across the world right now, performing half a dozen shows along the North American West coast. Instead, he is here at the bedside of his half sister’s dying mother, the woman who nearly ruined his family’s reputation. The media would have a field day. 

Jimin looks over at your mother, his smile dropping as he takes in the ventilator she’s hooked up to. The sound of it breathing for her mixed with the beeping of the machines echoed off the walls of the quiet room. 

“How much longer do we have?” His hands let go of yours as he walks over to an empty chair by your mother’s bed, taking her hand in his as he sat down.

“I don’t know.” You follow him, pulling up your chair next to him and sit down. “Doctor says it can be any moment now. Tomorrow, next week, the next few hours. She was slowly showing little signs of improvement, but suddenly it just took a turn for the worst.” You feel your eyes start to water and take a deep breath through your nose, trying your best to fight them back. It was only you and Jimin in the room. He wouldn’t blame you for crying. Anyone would be expected to cry in this situation, but letting your tears fall right now would just make this whole situation all too real. You weren’t ready to believe that your mother could be gone any day now.

“She’s always been a fighter, hasn’t she?” Jimin’s voice was barely above a whisper as his thumb rubbed the back of her hand.

“Yeah… She has.” You both sat there in silence for the next half hour. A few sniffles escape from Jimin, the bill of his black hat covering his eyes, making it hard for you to see if he’s crying. You hear another soft knock by the door, both of you turning to see one of the hospital nurses leaning into the room with a soft, close lipped smile on her face.

“I’m so sorry to disturb you, but visiting hours are almost over.”

You give her a small nod, returning the smile while telling her thank you before she disappears out of view. You hear shuffling next to you and turn to see Jimin standing up from his seat, smoothing out any wrinkles in his all black attire.

“Have you eaten yet?” He asks you as you stand up from your chair, following him to the doorway. 

“No, I was just gonna grab something on the way home.”

“Come out with me and Ashley tonight. Tae came home too so you don’t have to worry about third wheeling.”

You stopped in the doorway. Jimin turned to look back at you, catching the look of surprise on your face.

“Taehyung’s here, too?” You were surprised to hear he was back. Taehyung was your highschool sweetheart and Jimin’s best friend. Your relationship was short lived, ending on his terms, shortly after him and Jimin debuted together as Idols. You’ve only exchanged a handful of words to each other in the two years since then. It’s safe to say spending any prolonged amount of time with him was not on the top of your to-do list. 

Jimin gives you a soft smile, the look of confusion and surprise not lost on him. “He’s worried about you. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but he still cares about you, Y/N.”

You let out a sigh, turning your head to give one more look into your mom’s hospital room. Turning back towards Jimin, you walk towards him, following him down the hallway to the elevators. You were still surprised Taehyung flew all the way back from their tour in support of you. You sneak a glance at Jimin, starting to feel a little guilty that they both flew all this way for you. The least you could do was go to dinner with them.

“Yeah, I’ll go,” you finally answer him.

He turns to look at you, eyes shining bright under the bill of his hat as he smiles at you. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you say, smiling back at him. “One night out in a while may be good for me.”

Dinner went by in a blur. Your best friend Ashley secured a private room at a popular BBQ restaurant for the four of you. Perks of being the daughter of one of the wealthiest men in Seoul. Being the known girlfriend of the beloved Park Jimin helped, too. After an awkward, half-assed hug and an exchange of small talk with Taehyung, you spent most of the dinner avoiding eye contact with him. Ashley, sensing your discomfort, was doing her best keeping the boys talking about stories from their tour. It wasn’t long until a bottle of soju was ordered for the table. With everyone taking shots, it didn’t take long for you to start to feel more relaxed and enjoy yourself, laughing at Jimin’s recount of how Tae accidentally broke into the wrong hotel room while drunk. 

“He was just lucky it was our manager’s room,” Jimin laughed while Tae was shaking his head in his hand.

“Oh, poor Taehyungie. We just can’t take you anywhere, can we?” You said with a smile as you took another shot of soju.

Taehyung looked up at you with a brief look of surprise at you addressing him before turning his lips up into a smirk. He looked between you and Ashley, asking the two of you a question while pouring himself another shot. “So what have you girls been up to while we’ve been away?”

“Nothing as exciting as midnight skinny dips in hotel pools,” Ashley said with a huff as she rested her elbow on the table, head leaning on her hand. “Y/N-ssi has been kept busy with work. I’ve managed to get her to come out for dinner and drinks every now and then. She doesn’t like to come out and play as much as she used to.” Ashley looked at you with a pout.

“We’re not in university anymore, Ash.” You roll your eyes, smiling at your best friend as she stuck her tongue out at you. You and Ashley spent the better parts of your university days jumping from one party or club to another. A luxury you haven’t been able to indulge in as of late due to the increased involvement your father has been wanting you to have with his company. You hear Tae snicker across the table from you. You raise an eyebrow at him, not sure what exactly he was laughing at.

“We should go out tonight then,” Jimin said as he waved over the waitress, handing her his credit card to cover the dinner bill. Ashley squealed happily in response.

“Yes! There’s a new club I’ve been dying to go to! I can get us on the list.” Ashley grabbed her phone off the table, her fingers tapping away on the screen.

You nibbled on your bottom lip before speaking. “I don’t --” The words were barely out of your mouth when Taehyung cuts you off.

“What? Daddy’s little girl can’t come out and play again? I guess some things just never change.” You watch as Tae takes another shot of soju. You hated it when he called you a daddy’s girl. His tone of voice always puts such a negative connotation on it. You always knew your habit of doing what was expected of you bothered him. That very tendency of yours being one of the main reasons for your break-up. It was part of what fueled your partying back in university, feeling the need to prove him wrong. You try to tell yourself that you didn’t have anything to prove to him now, but you also didn’t want him to know his comment got under your skin.

“Let’s do it,” you say, standing up from your chair. Jimin and Tae looked at you in surprise as Ashley stood up with you.

“So awesome! Word hasn’t gotten out yet that you guys are back in town, so no one should suspect to see two Chaotic members out in Seoul. We might be able to go unnoticed by the media. Now come on, we can stop by my apartment to change before we go. I have the cutest outfit that you can wear.” Ashley grabbed your hand, leading you out of the restaurant. The boys following closely behind you. As you make it out to the street and towards Jimin’s car, you try your best to give yourself a mental pep talk.

“It’s just one night, Y/N… What could possibly happen?”

JIN POV

“Hey, Yoongi. Chanyeol just told me that two members of Chaotic have been added to the guest list tonight. Should we block off one of the VIP booths for them?” Namjoon walks into the office, plopping down on one of the chairs in front of Yoongi’s desk. 

“Chaotic? Aren’t they halfway across the world right now?” Yoongi asks, feet propped up on his desk as he leans back in his office chair, scrolling through his phone. One of his hands absentmindedly fluffing his mint colored hair.

“Yeah, I think your boy got bamboozled, Joon.” Jin laughs, sitting up from his prone position on the office couch. Namjoon flashes his middle finger before running his hand through his light brown hair.

“Fuck off, dude. He says he’s friends with one of the member’s girlfriends. She texted him an hour ago saying it’s going to be her, 2 members, and some girl.” 

“He always says he knows someone’s girlfriend or cousin or whatever. This is the last freebie he gets. Anyone else, he needs to run it by me first.” Yoongi states, eyes still glued to his phone. Namjoon hums in response, too preoccupied looking at his own phone to give a proper acknowledgement. 

Jin looks at his own phone, checking the time. 10:47 PM. Yoongi’s club should be in full swing of operations by now, evident by the bass of the music vibrating the walls of the office. Jin stands from the couch, letting out a small huff of boredom. This was just another party, another night full of alcohol-fueled entertainment. Another night full of socialite girls with personalities as interesting as watching cement dry.  He takes a look at his two best friends, his two partners in crime. Best friends since childhood that grew up to be known as the biggest Playboys in all of Seoul. The first few years since they all came of age were fun, but lately the fun seems to have run stale, at least for Jin. When Yoongi opened this club a month ago, Jin was hoping it would reignite the passion for partying. It did for a while, but it quickly became the same party just a different scene. He claps his hands together, taking a few steps towards the door.

“Well, shall we get the night started?” Jin turns to his friends, the club music becoming louder as he opens the door to the office. Yoongi and Namjoon stand from their chairs, walking past Jin and out the door. 

“Good time as any,” Namjoon says while checking something on his phone. “Chanyeol says his friend is here with the Chaotic members. They’re making their way to one of the VIP booths now.”

“Moment of truth. This should be interesting.” Yoongi slaps Namjoon on the back, walking past him and down the short hall to the club. Jin follows behind them, closing the door. He lets a yawn pass his lips, stretching his arms out through it and placing his hands behind his head. As they make their way out towards the dance floor, the boys stop at the small landing that looks over the club. Namjoon points towards the VIP area, pointing out a guy with light pink hair with his arms around a girl. 

“That’s got to be Park Jimin,” Namjoon shouts at Jin and Yoongi over the loud music of the club. 

“Well, where’s the other one?” Yoongi shouts back. The three of you scan the dance floor looking for another one of the Chaotic members. After a few moments, Namjoon points towards the bar. “There! Pretty sure that’s Kim Taehyung. The girl next to him must be the other person that’s with him.”

Jin looks over towards the bar, his dark brown eyes widening as his eyes land on you. “Wow.” The word left his mouth without him even realizing. Namjoon turns to him and smirks. 

“Don’t get too excited, Jinnie boy. That’s probably his girlfriend.” Namjoon punches Jin’s shoulder lightly, walking down the small set of stairs after Yoongi and making their way towards the VIP section. Jin kept his eyes on you. He took in the annoyed look on your face as Taehyung was talking to you. There’s no way you were his girlfriend. Not with that look of disinterest in whatever it was that Taehyung was saying to you. He continued to watch as you grabbed the drinks from the bartender, turning away from Taehyung while he was mid sentence and made your way up to the VIP area. “Even if you are his girlfriend, you’re obviously not happy with him right now,” Jin thought to himself. “Doesn’t matter. You’ll be mine by the end of the night.” Jin started down the stairs, following his friends to the VIP area, smiling to himself. Looks like it wasn’t going to be another boring night after all.

Holding the drinks you bought for you and Ashley, you make your way through the sea of dancers and back towards the VIP area. You’ve only been in the club for a total of 10 minutes and you already regret it, wishing you could leave now and curl up in the comfort of your own bed. The skin tight black bodycon dress and stilettos Ashley dressed you in; making you feel slightly uncomfortable and you weren’t quite drunk enough just yet for the short length not to bother you. Taehyung wasn’t helping your mood either. When he had offered to help carry drinks, you were hoping it would be an act of kindness performed in silence. Instead, you spent the entire time trying to tune out his backhanded apology. 

“I’m sorry if what I said at dinner upset you, Y/N. You didn’t have to come out tonight to prove anything. I know fun like this isn’t really your scene.”

You scoff at the replay of his words in your head. Fun like this. What was he trying to say? You enjoyed plenty of fun like this when you were in university with Ashley. You couldn’t help but think that he would know that, if only he didn’t find you not worthy of his time to stick around back then. It’s not your fault he decided to show back up when you have to act like a grown up. You have a reputation to upkeep now. You already have so much working against you, being labeled as a constant party girl wouldn’t help.

You start up the stairs to the VIP area only to be stopped when you feel someone grab your elbow. You turn to look at the unwelcome interruption and find Taehyung glaring at you with an annoyed expression, holding two bottle beers in his free hand.

“What now, Tae?” You bite at him, not even trying to hide the annoyance in your voice or on your face. 

“You can’t just walk away like that. It can be easy to lose you in this crowd. You need to be more careful.” Tae holds onto your elbow, only letting go when you jerk it out  from his hand.

“I know how to navigate a club, Tae. Believe it or not, this isn’t my first time at one. I can look out for myself.” You turn back around and start back up the staircase. You hear Taehyung say something behind you, barely making out him say “Fucking brat” over the loud music. Whether he meant for you to hear it or not, you don’t care. You decide to ignore him, rolling your eyes and continuing on.

Once you make it up to the VIP area, you see JImin and Ashley sitting with three other guys, talking and laughing.You take in the three strangers, trying to figure out why they look so familiar. The low lighting of the club makes it hard to see them clearly from this short distance. You could tell they looked around your age, if not just a bit older. You see the guy next to Jimin throw his head back in laughter. His mint colored hair pushed slightly back with a headband and a gummy smile displaying across his face as he leaned his head back down. Next to him sat a taller man with light brown hair and horn rimmed glasses. He was laughing along too, listening to the other two boys in whatever conversation they were holding. 

It was the third guy talking to Ashley that held your gaze longer than the other two. His profile alone was alluring. Your eyes travelled from his dark hair that fell into his eyes to the sharp cut of his jawline. From there your eyes moved to his neck, watching his Adam's apple bob up and down as he talked before taking in the wide set of his shoulders. You don’t realize you were fantasizing how it would feel like to run your mouth up and down his neck and shoulders until he looks in your direction. His eyes meet yours, smirking as if he knew what you were just doing, pulling you out of your thoughts and back to reality. You couldn’t help but look at his lips, noticing how plump they were before taking in his full face. From this angle, his features seemed soft and boyish if it weren’t for the contrast of his jawline. God, he was gorgeous. Ashley follows his gaze to you, smiling as she jumps up to grab her drink and pull you towards the table.

“Oh, Y/N! Tae! Perfect timing! Come meet our new friends.” Ashley pulls you down into the seat next to her, right across from the wide shoulder Adonis. Tae took the seat next to you, passing Jimin’s beer to him across the table. Ashley grabs everyone’s attention, introducing everyone around the table starting with the mint haired boy.

“This is Min Yoongi. He’s the owner of this club. Next to him is Kim Namjoon. His dad owns one of the largest recording labels here in Seoul.” The two boys take their turns waving at you. You return a polite smile before Ashley moves your attention to the last newcomer, his lips turning up into another smirk once your eyes meet. You feel your eyes trail down his body, eyes glancing over the part of his chest peeking from his white V-neck before landing on the exposed skin of his thighs from the sinfully ripped jeans he was wearing. You start wondering how his body looks under his clothes before mentally slapping yourself, shooting your eyes back up to his. He lets out a small chuckle and you know he is completely aware that he’s been mentally undressed by you. To be fair, it probably happens to him all the time. Too busy ogling over your tablemate, you don’t notice the death glare Taehyung is shooting his way or the way Ashley looks between the two of you with a raised eyebrow before continuing her introduction.

“And this is Kim Seokjin. Guys, this is Kim Taehyung and, last but not least, my best friend and Jimin’s sister, Park Y/N.” 

“Please, call me Jin,” he says, giving you a wink and you immediately feel heat rise to your cheeks as you smile. And then it dawns on you.

The drop of his name finally sparks recognition in you. Now you know why these three men look so familiar. You see their names and faces all over tabloids and socialite centric internet articles. Kim Seokjin and two partners in crime. The notorious, rich playboys of Seoul. Not necessarily bad news, but bad enough for you to mark him as off limits. He is definitely someone you shouldn’t be associated with. It’s too bad. He looks absolutely delicious. But like you said earlier, it’s just one night. One night couldn’t hurt much, right? 

“Nice to meet you guys. It’s a nice club you have here.” You look towards Yoongi and lift your drink in the air towards him. A little toast before you take a sip, leaning back into your seat.

“Thank you.” he says, nodding his head in appreciation. “So what brings you guys out tonight? I thought you two would be in the middle of a world tour.” Yoongi points between Tae and Jimin before drinking from his own beer.

“Yeah, we almost didn’t believe it was you guys when we heard it,” Namjoon said with a slight chuckle.

Jimin laughs before responding, his eyes turning into crescent shapes as he smiles. “I had to come back for a family matter. We’re in a break between shows right now anyways. We’ll head back once we get things settled. Tae came along for support.”

“Just trying to show support to those who need me,” Tae says as he throws his free arm over the back of your chair. You feel him try to subtly place his hand on your shoulder and you shoot him a glare out of the side of your eye. You sit up, leaning forward in your chair away from his arm, trying to cover up your scoff with a sip of your drink, hoping it would go unnoticed. You see Tae rolling his eyes from your peripherals, rolling yours back in response.  Placing your drink on the table, you look up at Jin sitting across from you just in time to see his darkened eyes as he takes in Tae’s arm on your chair. His eyes move to meet yours, the darkened look disappearing. You raise your brow at him curiously. Is he jealous? Over Taehyung? You giggle to yourself at the thought. If only he knew Tae wasn’t a threat. “If only you didn't have bad news written all over you,” you thought to yourself.

“So are you guys just out on a double date?” Jin asks, still looking at you. You involuntarily snort, causing the group to look in your direction. Ashley looks at you with a bemused expression, a little giggle slipping past her lips as she takes a sip of her drink.

“No, this is not a double date,” you say while trying to regain your composure. You continue your ramble, pointing between yourself and Taehyung. “We’re not… No. Definitely not a double date.” 

“Get it together, girl,” you think to yourself, grabbing your drink and downing the rest of it. Maybe you were drunker than you originally thought. Ashley takes the opportunity to take over the conversation, pulling the guys attention towards her and Jimin. You silently thank her as you peek at Taehyung out of the corner of your eye. You notice he has his jaw clenched and tense, probably a reaction from your blatant display of distaste at being considered his. You know you should feel bad, but you don’t. He lost the right to have any sort of claim over you a long time ago. You start to feel the need to escape and go to excuse yourself from the table.

“I’ll be back. I need another drink,” you announce as you stand from your seat. Jin looks at you, slowly rising from his chair.

“Would you like some company?”he asks, his plush lips turning up into a soft smile. You were about to turn him down, only changing your mind when you hear Tae try to interject.

“I’ll go with --” 

“Actually, Jin. I would love your company.” Jin’s smile grows wider. He offers his arm to you as he stands up. You take it, wrapping your hands around his biceps. Enjoying the feeling of how his muscles flex under your touch. 

The two of you walk towards the bar, ignoring Tae as he calls out your name. This wasn’t one of your best decisions, walking away from your friends with someone you literally just met. Especially someone you had just labeled as off limits. Your emotions and the alcohol in your system being the main influencers on the choice. Despite being practically a stranger, you feel safe with Seokjin. You tell yourself not to worry about it. One night making choices on a whim shouldn’t do much damage in hindsight, right? 

Your mind is lost to the beat of the music, focusing only on weaving through the crowd of club goers as you make your way to the bar. With every step, you can feel all the alcohol you’ve had  creeping up on you. You start to feel the tingling sensation in your face and you can’t remember the last time you felt this good. Feeling a little unstable in the stilettos, you cling a little tighter to Jin’s arm, focusing hard on not tripping.

Finally at the bar, Jin waves over the bartender, ordering the two of you a round of shots. You think about turning the shot down, but decide against it. You remind yourself this is the first night in a while that you’ve spent somewhere other than at home. You deserve at least one night to enjoy yourself. While waiting for the shots to be made, you lean your back against the bar and take a look around the club, finally taking the time to admire the layout. The majority of the first level was occupied by a lit up dance floor, the edges around the walls lined with couches and high top tables. The VIP area was located on a lofted 2nd level overlooking the dance floor. It's very packed now, the newness of the venue still not worn off. Your eyes wander back up to the VIP area and you notice Taehyung standing at the railing, staring at you. You fight the urge to roll your eyes at him, instead choosing to turn around and face the bar.

“Let me guess. Ex-boyfriend?” Jin leans up against the bar next to you, giving you a smirk when you turn to look at him.

“What gave it away?” You ask, propping your chin on your hand as you smile back at him.

“Would you believe me if I said I’m good at reading people?” Jin leaned closer to you, plump lips spread into a beautiful smile.

“I would,” you say, turning away from him as the bartender brings the two shots, picking yours up from the bartop. “But why do I get the feeling it’s more to do with knowing from experience?” Jin laughs, grabbing his shot and clinking the glass up against yours. 

“So you’ve heard of me?” He asks before you both down your shots. 

“Who hasn’t heard of the man who coined his own nickname, Mr. Worldwide Handsome?” You lick your lips, savoring the fruity taste of the shot that was still on your tongue. You’re amazed how you couldn’t even taste the alcohol and wouldn’t mind having another. “This was delicious, by the way. Did you come up with it?”

“Good guess, I did. It’s my secret weapon. You want another round?” Jin catches the attention of the bartender again, raising his glass and pointing at it. Already ordering another round before even waiting for your answer.

“Are you trying to get me drunk, Jin? Trying to take advantage of me?” You ask, the alcohol making you feel bold as you lean in close to him. He leans into you, too, moving his hand to push a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Yes and no. You don’t seem like the type of girl to let that happen.” He lightly caresses the side of your face, fingers lingering on your cheek and you let him.

“Hmm, smart boy,” you say before moving your face away from his hand. The bartender drops off your next round of shots and you both waste no time in downing them. “So, what is your type of girl, Seokjin?”

“Why? Interested in applying?” Jin says to you before turning to signal to the bartender for another round. You answer him when he turns back in your direction.

“Sorry, Jinnie boy. But you’re not my type.” 

“What? Handsome not your type?” He says as the bartender drops off the third round.

“No,” you respond with a smile. “Trouble isn’t my type.” You both grab a shot. You go to drink yours while Jin gives you a smirk.

“Ah, but you do think I’m handsome.”He looks at you with a twinkle in his eye as he downs his shot and you laugh. He’s funny and you like his confidence. It’s a shame you won’t allow yourself to get to know more of his personality. That’s something that would take more than just tonight to learn, and again, he is not someone you need to be associated with. But damn, do you think he looks handsome. He’s absolutely gorgeous.

Jin places the shot glass on the bar top and leans in close to you. You feel a tingling sensation go through your body and convince yourself it's from the alcohol and not his close proximity. Jin gives you a quick look up and down, and you know he is completely aware of the effect he has on you. “You know,” he says leaning in even closer. “You’re spending a lot of time with a guy who isn’t your type.”

“What? A girl’s not allowed to have herself a little fun?” You bat your lashes at him, leaning in towards him, closing the little distance between you two. Your lips are inches apart, close enough for you to feel the warmth of his breath. You smell the fruitiness of shots on his breath and take a quick glance down to his lips, wondering which of you will break and close the gap first. Another few seconds of the stand off passes before you decide you were going to make the first move, only to be interrupted when you hear someone call your name. You and Jin pull away from each other and turn to see Ashley walk up with Jimin close behind her.

“Y/N! There you are! You left your phone up at the table. I’ve been trying to text you.” Ashley hands your little black clutch, fully prepared to lecture you for disappearing when she turns to look at JIn. Jin gives her a smile before she turns back to you. “Oh,” she says and gives you a knowing smile.

“Sorry, Ash. I didn’t mean to be gone this long. Jin and I were just enjoying ourselves,” you say as you pull out your phone, checking the notifications before putting it back into your purse. 

“Oh, I’m sure,” she teases. “Anyways, Taehyung already left and Jimin and I are heading out ourselves. Are you ready to go?” 

You instinctively move to follow Ashley, stopping yourself midstep. “Actually.” You look at Jin who is staring at you before looking back at Ashley. “I think I’m going to stay a little longer.” You look back at Jin who gives you a wide smile.

Ashley looks between you and Jin, smiling again when she leans in to give you a hug. “Text me when you get home, okay? And Seokjin...” Ashley steps back from you and turns to the tall man. “Take care of her. If anything happens to her, I know where to find you.” 

Jimin waves goodbye to you as he and Ashley turn and leave. Jin waves back before leaning towards you. “Should I be scared of her?” He asks with a laugh.

“Yes, you should be,” you say with a giggle. Feeling the alcohol course through your body, you start to move to the beat of the music. With a surge of confidence, you grab Jin’s hand and start pulling him onto the dance floor. “Now come on. I want to dance.” 

You lose track of time out on the dance floor, getting lost in the music and enjoying the feeling of Jin’s body pressed up against yours. Ever so often, he let his hands wander up and down your body. You intercept his hand each time before they are able to discover an intimate part of your body, giggling and laughing each time you feel his pout against your neck. After a few songs of grinding up against each other, Jin decides to put on a show for you, granting you multiple displays of what he calls his ‘signature dance moves.’ One move in particular sends you doubling over in laughter, the way Jin stands with his feet shoulder-width apart, head thrown back while he wiggles his arms shamelessly from side to side. After exhausting all his talent, Jin pulls you back up into the VIP area asking to take a breather, his dark hair sticking to his forehead from sweat. You agree with him, your own legs starting to feel sore from trying to dance in heels. He sits you down in one of the booths before walking over to grab two bottles of complementary water from an ice bucket against the back wall, stopping for a quick chat with Namjoon along the way. 

You watch him, eyes trailing up and down his long body. Admiring the way his ripped jeans clung to his legs, sweat glistening on the exposed areas of his thigh. He opens one of the water bottles and takes a drink. You’re mesmerized by the bob of his Adam’s apple, wanting nothing more than to walk over and suck love marks along the surface area of his neck. You lightly shake your head, pulling yourself back to reality as you reach into your clutch for your phone, looking for a distraction. Clicking your screen on, your eyes widen when you look at the time. 2:03 AM. Fuck. You need to be up for work in a little over 5 hours. The small bout of panic sobers you just a little and you silently scold yourself for not playing more attention to how late it was getting. You look back up at where Jin stood talking to Namjoon, making brief eye contact with him. He gives you a quick wink before turning back to Namjoon, continuing on with whatever he was saying. You smile from the cuteness of the wink, feeling giddy from the action only for it to be quickly replaced by a small wave of sadness that washes over you. 

You really enjoyed yourself tonight. You couldn’t tell what brought on the sadness; the fact that your night of fun was coming to an end or the fact that, if you could help it, won’t ever see Seokjin again. You decide for it to be the former. It’s safer this way. You enjoyed your night with Jin and you completely understand why girls would still flock to him, regardless of his playboy reputation. If only you had the luxury of being one of those girls, you would throw caution aside and allow yourself to enjoy all that is Seokjin. To hell with whatever gossip or rumors would manifest about you. Unfortunately, you’re not one of those girls and you’ve been lucky enough already to make it through the night without anyone recognizing you. You let out a soft sigh, knowing the time has come for you to return back to reality. 

Placing your phone back in your clutch, you stand from your seat and walk towards Jin. You place your hand on his shoulder, pulling his attention to you. He turns back to Namjoon, letting him know he’ll catch up with him later before the taller boy walks over to the railing of the VIP area, joining Yoongi in watching the club goers down below.

Jin turns back to you, smiling as he moves you closer to the wall. “Sorry, I kept you waiting. Namjoon doesn’t know when to shut up sometimes. Did you start to miss me?”

He  hands you an unopened bottled water before bracing his hand on the wall behind you. You give him a soft smile as a thank you as you lean back against the wall. The beautiful smile on his face makes it hard for you to form words. Why did he have to be so goddamn gorgeous?

“It’s time for me to go home, Jin.” You cross your arms across your chest and tilt your head back to look up at his face. 

Jin nods his head before responding. “And so you came over here to invite me over? I accept.” He gives you another heart stopping smile as a light laugh escapes your lips.

“I came to tell you bye. This is where we part ways. It was nice meeting you, Seokjin.” You go to push off the wall to leave, stopping yourself as Jin goes to talk.

“Now why does that feel more like a ‘Goodbye’ than a ‘See you later’? Running off at midnight like Cinderella. Do you not want to see me again? I thought we were having a good time,” he turns his lips into a pout, but you can tell by his tone he was being playful.

“Running off at 2AM, actually. And It was a good time. But as I said before, you’re trouble. And I stay away from trouble. It’s best if we just end things here.” You try to stand tall, putting as much authority in your tone of voice as you can manage to let him know you’re serious. Jin leans in close to you. You inhale deeply trying to maintain your composure despite his close proximity, catching a light trace of whatever cologne he was wearing. It smelt woodsy and delicious and you were trying to figure out how you didn’t notice it before. 

His lip brushing against your earlobe sending shivers down your spine. “I can be a good boy,” he whispers to you and you smile, rolling your eyes as he pulls back just enough to look at you.

“I highly doubt that,” you tease him.

“How about this.” Jin reaches into his pocket with his free hand, pulling something out. He holds up his hand in the small gap between the two of you and you focus on the shiny round object before looking back at him. Your eyebrows furrow in curiosity. “We’ll flip a coin.”

You throw your head back and laugh. “Flip a coin? Really?” you said raising an eyebrow at him. His tongue sneaks out to wet his pillow lips before spreading them into a wide smile. You can still smell a hint of the fruity shots from earlier on his breath as he speaks.

“We flip a coin. Heads, you come home with me. Tails… Well, at least give me your number.” Jin chuckles after the last condition.

“What makes you think I’ll play along with your little game?” you ask before licking your lips, catching your tongue between your teeth as you look up at him.

“Live a little, princess. Take a walk on the wild side with me.” Jin flicks his eyes down to your tongue before looking back at you. His eyes looking darker even in the dimness of the club’s VIP area. “You ready? Call it in the air.”

You watch as he balances the coin on top of his thumb and index finger. He flicks his thumb up, sending the coin flipping in the air. You watch the coin, wondering what fate it would decide for you, already thinking up an excuse to get out of either. You see Jin move his hand out of the corner of your eye, thinking he’s going to grab the coin.  Instead, he catches you by surprise, grabbing your chin and lightly turning your face towards him, his lips crashing down on yours as the forgotten coin crashes down to the ground, rolling away out of sight.

Your mind goes blank at the sudden action, your lips on autopilot as they move in tandem with his. You feel butterflies in your stomach as you melt into the softness of his lips. You can tell that he’s holding back, probably expecting you to push him off at any moment. Your hands move to his chest, half a mind to stop things before they go too far. The small guttural moan that comes from his throat ignites a fire in your bones, awakening a desire in you. A desire that can only be satiated by one Kim Seokjin. Your hands move further up his chest and around his neck, pulling him closer to you as your fingers knit themselves in his hair.

Jin nips at your bottom lip, swiping his tongue across the bitten area, asking for permission to enter. You let him, the loud music of the club now being drowned out by the sound of your heartbeat pulsating in your ears. You nearly forget where you are, what you were trying to do before his lips found yours. The people and the room disappear around you with the only thing existing is Jin, his plump lips, and the delicious way his hands roam up and down your body. You allow his hands to roam freely this time, no intention in stopping his endeavors as you lose yourself in his touch. It wasn’t until the sound of Yoongi yelling at the two of you to get a room that you were pulled back into reality. Jin pulls back away from you just slightly, the both of you smiling as you try to catch your breath. 

“Well,” Jin says as he pushed a fallen strand of your hair back behind your ear. “What’s the verdict?”

You know you should go home. Leave him here without so much as your number as you return back to your uneventful life. But you can’t stop thinking about the way his lips feel on yours. How badly you want him and how that want extends for more than just tonight. It’s a bad idea. He’s a bad idea and no matter how many times you’ve told yourself that tonight, the one thing that you’ve said to yourself more rings louder in your head. It’s just one night, what’s the worst that can happen? 

You grab the collar of Jin’s shirt, bringing him in for another kiss. You pull away after one, smiling at the way he chases your lips, wanting more. “I’ll tell you my answer..” you pause, grabbing his hand in yours, pulling him away from the wall. “After you buy me another drink.”

[philliamwrites]

i could make it holy, make it fine (pt.1)

Fandom: Persona 5

Pairing: Akira/Akechi

Tags: #domestic fluff, #kissing, #wedding, #persona 5 royal spoilers

Words: 1.7k

Summary: Goro can't believe his first marrital dispute will be about the plastic cat dolls in front of their café whereas Akira is a simple man with simple needs like laying out black napkins and wearing a dress. 

Note: Part 2 (work in progress) | Inspired by ‘Make it Holy’ by The Staves.

i could make it holy, make it fine

    “Quick, don’t think. Black or red?”

    “The napkins stay blue. Now shut up and don’t move.”

    Black curls fall to the ground with each snip snip of Goro’s scissors. He tips Akira’s head back with a knuckle to check that his hair is the same length. Not that anyone could tell if it wasn’t once his hair dries into its usual curly mess. Goro assumes Akira gave him this task just to have an excuse to stare at his face from close-up—as if he doesn’t do it at any given chance anyway regardless of day or time.

    That is the luxury of living in a place they feel comfortable enough to lower their defences. Goro is still trying to learn calling such a place home.

    Warm hands roam over his legs, demanding his attention. “What are you thinking about?” Akira asks and presses his chin into his belly, looking up. After seven years, his features have grown sharper and more elegant like the dagger he used to wield. Sometimes Goro looks at him and the sight of beautiful, beautiful Akira Kurusu steals his breath.

    “That you look like a twelve-year-old after shaving.” He pushes Akira’s wet hair out of his face and flicks his forehead, then steps out of his grasp. He crosses their bathroom to take the broom leaning against the wall in the corner, only to unceremoniously drop it in Akira’s lap. “Now clean your mess. I’m done.”

    He leaves the room before hearing a response, brushing off stray black hair from his shirt and pants. Now he has to vacuum again. Why Akira asked him to cut his hair instead of booking an appointment with a professional is beyond him, but it does remind Goro, as he tugs at the end of his ponytail tickling the nape of his neck, that he might need a cut as well. The shop stays closed anyway during their preparations, so now seems the best time to get things done they usually can’t while tending to the café. Repairing the creaking floorboard behind the counter, washing the dark, vintage curtains hanging in their back office. Even though Akira is against it, they need to sort out which maneki-neko lining the front of their entrance they want to keep and which to throw away. He can’t believe his first marital dispute will be about dusty plastic cats.

    The blow drier starts in the bathroom. Akira’s head peeks around the corner, the hot air whipping his hair left and right. “Goro, can you check the mail? Ann’s postcard might have arrived.”

    Goro shoos him away like a fly. On his way to the stairs leading down to the café—a feature Akira insisted on during their apartment hunting to pay homage to his old home—he passes their kitchen where he puts a kettle on the stove for another round of coffee. So far, he’s only had benefits to be engaged to one of Tokyo’s most popular barista.

    Leblanc is abandoned and quiet. He won’t ever admit it oud loud, but he’s glad Akira didn’t change the name after inheriting the business from Sojiro. Anything different would have been blasphemous. But while it is the same name, Leblanc’s replica lives with touches that scream Akira’s name. Bookshelves line one wall opposite the entrance, filled with every book he’s read during Highschool. Customers come and pick one and in return leave a book they have at hand, constantly switching up the collection. Then there’s people complimenting the amazing replicas of famous contemporary artist Yusuke Kitagawa on the walls, asking Akira where he bought them. But if Akira is known for his delicious coffee, he’s famous for his secrets.

    Opening their post box, bills and two cards fall out. The first shows The Louvre lit at night. Ann’s curly handwriting is unmistakable, leaving a short message that she’ll arrive a day before the ceremony. The other card has a simple flower design and one word on its back.

    Congratulations. — M.

    Goro stares at it for a solid minute. It’s been long since he’s seen this handwriting, but he does remember it from torn-out diary pages inside a place that had blindingly white walls and tasted of despair and bitter endings. He takes everything upstairs where he finds Akira with dried, adorably messy hair.

    “I didn’t know you still hang out with Dr. Maruki,” he says, voice neutral as he drops the cards and bills on the table where Akira has already spread out coffee and biscuits from Haru’s shop. He considers the card, absentmindedly stirring his cup. “I don’t. Sumire might have told him.”

    “Not that I really care.” Goro drinks from his cup, eyeing Akira from the side. He’s draped over his chair like a Pre-Raphaelite painting. “He’s not invited.”

    “I doubt he’ll come. Wouldn’t be too much fun if you stabbed him with the cake knife.”

    Goro snorts, but the image does bring a faint grin out of him. It is a time though he doesn’t think too fondly of; a time when he’d felt too much at once and too little words managed to express that. He remembers when Loki and Robin merged into Hereward and the surprise that Robin never really left his side, always with him; the light, the good, the innocent and childlike fantasy to become a hero one day. The night he spent under Akira’s covers; limbs entangled, secrets and fears shared in quiet whispers, thumbs wet from drying tears both pretended were never shed.

    After they defeated Maruki and destroyed the Happy World, Goro woke up in his bed, dizzy and disoriented, still sore from the fight. While staring at his white ceiling, he counted his heartbeat. Every thud in his chest was like a bird trying to take flight out of an ebony cage no one built a door into. He’d only have to tear his chest open and it would be free. It would return to where it longed to be, a little café tucked away in Yongen-Jaya.

    Instead, Goro got out of bed, donned his winter uniform and went to meet Sae Nijima to discuss the terms of proving Shido’s guilt and his arrest. Again. He spent half a year in juvenile hall until Akira paid his bail with the remaining savings from their Mementos ventures.

    “You’re crazy,” Goro had said when he met Akira outside, everything he used and owned during those six months shoved into a single plastic back.

    “I missed you,” Akira had replied and now, seven years later, they’re doing what Goro never allowed himself to dream of; never showed interest in until meeting Akira Kurusu.

    “Will our suits be ready?” he asks now, downing the rest of this coffee. He usually hates when it gets cold, but Akira’s blend is still enjoyable.

    “I’ll check my e-mails later. They should have replied by now.” Akira watches him, tapping a slender finger against the kitchen desk. “I still think one of us should wear a dress.”

    “You also think we need a champagne pyramid which we can’t afford.”

    “Okay, perhaps not that,” says Akira. “But I would make a radiant bride.”

    Goro doesn’t doubt that. If he takes an afternoon off and searches long enough, he’ll surely find the drag cop outfit somewhere in the attic—a real attic, this one—from all those years back. Maybe he can ask Akira to wear lipstick again when it’s time to seal the deal during the ceremony. He can’t think of anyone who would object to that.

    “That’s your cue to say ‘Truly’.” Akira carries both empty mugs to the sink, a slight pout adorning his face. Goro rolls his eyes. He waits until he passes him on his way out to hook a finger through a belt buckle and pulls Akira with a sharp tug on his lap. He blinks in fake innocence. “Oh?”

    “I prefer you looking good in a dress stays between us,” Goro says, shimmying his hands under Akira’s shirt—wrong, Goro’s shirt—where they rest on warm, soft skin.

    Akira thinks about it. “What do I get in return?”

    “No divorce papers.”

    Generous as always.”

    “It’s a deal then.”

    On cue, Akira’s head bends and finds Goro’s mouth. Kissing Akira is still the same as seven years ago: hot, addicting. Like breathing air for the first time after staying underwater for hours. His hands roam over spots he knows where bruised long, long ago and Akira reacts like they never disappeared. Like they never left the Metaverse. Still sixteen and eighteen and too busy bruising their knuckles and knees fighting for their own justice instead of settling down and taking their time unravelling each other. It still manages to untie a tight knot within his chest. He could spend all day kissing Akira. He should spend all day kissing Akira.

    One, two, three tugs on his ponytail and Goro reluctantly relents to free Akira’s bottom lip from between his teeth.

    “We should give you a cut as well,” Akira says, curling the end around a finger. Goro shows his surprise by raising one eyebrow.

    “You’d be okay with that?” he asks. He’s started to believe Akira’s fixation on his hair—drying it after a shower, braiding it when he’s bored, burrowing his hands in them when he cums—is a religious thing, though the prospect of it being short, feeling the cool breeze on the back of his neck during summer and not bothering to brush it every hour to untangle any knots, is appealing.

    Akira wears a dreamy sort of look—though, no. That’s just him being horny, probably imagining Goro with shorter hair and all new discoveries it might bring as he gently scrapes his scalp. It’s as good as any answer. He pushes Akira off his lap and rises as well, turning left and right to stretch and make his joints pop.

    “Fine, but if you mess it up, I’m going to shave you bald.”

    They share a single look, thinking of the only person they know with a bald head and Goro regrets his words already, hates the face of the man he never wants to remember flashing before his eyes.

    Akira takes his hand and squeezes. “I’m going to make you the most handsome man alive, promise.”

    He allows Akira to lead him to the bathroom, the objection that his task will be hard so long as he breathes on his lips.

    Five more days. Five more days and the most handsome man alive will be his.

[storiesbymads]

EIGHTEEN ( joe liebgott . )

Y/N met Joe a few days after she graduated from high school. loosely based off the one direction song.

warnings: none but it gets kinda sad @ the end ig

wc: 4.3k

Graduation was days away and Y/N could feel the air escaping her lungs just thinking about it. She had been dreaming about this day for the past twelve years and it was actually happening. Although, now that it was here, the moment felt bittersweet. She was about to leave all the childhood friends she’d made for a junior college across the country in San Francisco. It was almost too surreal for her to handle. A week from now, she’d be somewhat situated in an apartment she’d only seen once without her parents or really anyone that she knew. She would be starting her life.

The last few days of senior year could not have gone by any slower. Final exams had been the week prior so the classes she was attending were really just excuses for all of her classmates and teachers to get emotional about the time they’d spent together. Y/N counted down the minutes until she could finally get out of there. While some of the girls she’d come to know as her best friends were allowing themselves to shed a tear or two and give close to a million hugs to people they’d shared maybe a conversation with in their time there, Y/N kept finding herself in her daydreams about what her new life was going to be like.

“I cannot believe it’s our last day of high school,” her friend Annabelle said. There were about twelve girls all scrunched up at one lunchroom table in an already overcrowded lunchroom. Thankfully, the number had dwindled slightly over the years and now Y/N at least had enough room to put her elbows on the table when she was eating.

“I know! I’m gonna miss you girls so much,” another girl named Cecile said. Y/N swore she saw the slightest hint of a tear in her eye as she said it. Y/N took a bite of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich without another word.

The amount of nerves surrounding her as she stood on the small auditorium stage astounded her. She attended a small school with her graduating class maxing out around 200 and yet the room felt like it was about to explode. All of the classmates around her were decked out in the signature royal blue of their highschool with bright smiles and hazy eyes from the brightly flashing cameras. Y/N fidgeted with the tassel on her cap as she waited for the ceremony to begin. A few of her friends were sitting a few feet away from her. The deafening heartbeat in her ears stopped her from being able to hear what they were talking about. It wasn’t until one of them nudged her ribs that she realized the lights had dimmed slightly and everything was starting.

The announcer’s speech, thankfully, hadn’t lasted longer than a few minutes and the graduates had started making their way across the stage. Before Y/N knew it, she was walking across the stage and shaking hands with the principal and various other administrators she’d come to know over the years. Her legs were numb and she was surprised--and very grateful--that she made it across the stage without so much as tripping. She even silently thanked her mother beforehand for discouraging her from wearing the three-inch pair of heels in her closet.

“The Class of 1936! Congratulations!” her principal announced as a wave of blue filled the air. There were graduation caps everywhere across the auditorium. It was going to be extremely difficult to tell whose was whose at the end of the day but that didn’t stop a single student from completing the tradition. One student’s cap even managed to land in the rafters for a few seconds before coming down.

It was difficult to locate her parents in the crowd in the moments after. Everything seemed to be simultaneously happening in slow motion and hyper speed since her first step across the stage. She spotted the top of her mother’s head across the room and rushed over to meet them. Both of her parents had been leaning up against the wall near the exit speaking to another couple until they noticed her semi-running towards them. Her father pulled her into a tight hug and made a comment about an eyelash messing with his eye the entire ceremony. She gave her mother a soft smile when he finally let her go. Her parents gave a small goodbye to the couple next to them and joined hands with their daughter on the way out of the highschool for seemingly the last time in their lives.

The sound of her alarm clock buzzing at 6:30 in the morning caused a loud groan to fall from Y/N’s lips as she begrudgingly pulled herself from the warmth of her duvet and into her adjoining bathroom to start her day. It was moving day. Well, technically. Most of her furniture had been shipped out to her apartment a few days prior but today was the official moving date. She had to be at the train station by 8:00 with the last of her belongings. Judging by the fact that Y/N was brushing her teeth with her eyes still very much closed, it was evident that she was very much regretting choosing the earliest departure time to San Francisco available.

Her two suitcases were packed and stacked next to the front door of her parents’ home and she kept glancing at them during the entire duration of breakfast. In her mind, she was going over every item that she needed to bring and checking the mental checklist she’d gone over about twenty times over the past two days. She knew it was overly redundant but she couldn’t bear the thought of forgetting something and not being able to retrieve it until the next major holiday. It was unlikely, though, that she would forget something as her childhood bedroom was practically barren save for the twin bed and the wire coat hangers in her closet.

“Honey, if you look at those suitcases one more time,” her mother lightly scolded. She was glad her daughter was so excited for something but she was still slightly bitter to the thought of her daughter leaving home so soon after graduation.

“I’m sorry! I can’t help it,” she sighed. The plate of eggs and bacon had barely been eaten--mostly just moved around with a fork--and was growing colder by the minute. Y/N knew she wouldn’t be able to eat with the amount of nerves building up in her stomach. She spared a final glance at the luggage

“Your mother’s right,” her father sighed and blew the steam off of his cup of coffee. Y/N was surprised to see the newspaper usually tightly clutched within her father’s fingers nowhere in sight.

“So, what’re your plans for the day?” Y/N asked after a few moments of silence. She had completely given up on her plate of food and had pushed it further towards the center of the table.

“Oh, you know. Mope around the house wishing our baby were still here with us,” her mother said dramatically, pretending to wipe a tear from her face.

“Very funny.”

“She’s not joking,” her father chuckled into his mug. It was odd to see him this way. Both of his hands were tightly wrapped around the white porcelain and he still had his reading glasses on rather than the contacts she was so accustomed to seeing. Come to think of it, her mother looked quite strange, too. She was still in her evening robe and had made no effort to remove the curlers from her hair.

“Are you not accompanying me to the train station?” Y/N asked. She watched her parents share knowing glances before they each turned towards her.

“Your father thinks it’s best if we say our goodbyes here. He knows I’ll cry like a banshee if we do it in public and he wants to spare you the embarrassment,” her mother said.

“Oh,” Y/N mumbled and glanced down at her fingers fiddling with the hem of the tablecloth. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Oh Honey-”

“We can come with you if you want!”

“No, no. Dad’s right. Plus, if you start crying I’m sure to start crying and then where would we be,” Y/N allowed an airy laugh to brush past her lips at the thought of her and her parents all crying and smushed together in a dysfunctional group hug.

Due to the fact that Y/N had taken probably the longest nap in her life on the train, her legs felt as stiff as the concrete beneath her feet as she tried (and failed) to make her way out of the station in a normal looking way. Every step looked more like a waddle combined with the luggage that felt ten times heavier getting off than getting on settled on either one of her shoulders.

“Need some help with that, doll?” One of the various taxi-cab drivers asked. It took her a second to locate which one was addressing her but it was easy enough to identify him when she noticed him quickly approaching her with a hand out.

“Uh,” she mumbled. “Yeah-Yes. That’d be great, thank you.”

“Just doing my job,” he sent her a wink as he helped her load the luggage into the trunk of the bright yellow vehicle. Y/N allowed herself to take in the appearance of the man as she got into the backseat and told him her destination. He was quite skinny but that didn’t take away from the overall build of him. In fact, it seemed to make her more attracted to him. His lips seemed to be plastered in a permanent smirk and his hair was way too perfect for him to just have thrown some gel in it and called it a day. It was good enough to land him a hair modeling gig, in her opinion.

“How long will you be staying?” the driver asked and made eye contact with her through the rear-view. His eyes had a mischievous glint to them.

“I don’t look like a regular to you?” she asked with mock offense.

“With that accent? Not a chance, dollface,” he said. They retained eye contact for a few more seconds before his sight flickered back to the road in front of him. Y/N was thankful for the added background noise of the radio at that point.

“You’re actually taking me to my new place,” Y/N said after a few moments of awkwards silence. She found herself fiddling with a slightly ripped piece of leather on the seat beneath her. She felt his eyes on her but by the time she looked back up at the mirror his eyes were focused on the road once more.

“How do you know I’m not a creepy stalker? Now I know where you live,” he joked as he reached a red light. She was able to get a good look at his eyes in the mirror now. The sunlight coming in from the windshield allowed her to notice the swirl of chocolate in his irises. Multiple car honks behind them startled the driver into pressing on the gas a little too quickly, startling Y/N and almost causing her to faceplant into the back of the seat.

“Sorry about that, doll,” he muttered and adjusted how he was sitting ever so slightly and allowed one of his hands to rest on the center console rather than the wheel.

“So, are you?” she asked.

“What?” his eyebrows scrunched together and his grip on the wheel tightened.

“Are you a stalker?” Y/N allowed herself to relax into the seats more. She didn’t really care if he was a stalker. She just never wanted him to stop talking.

“You’ll be glad to know that I am not, Miss…” he voice trailed off, obviously asking for her name.

“Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Joe Liebgott. Nice to make your acquaintance, dollface,” he sent her another wink through the mirror. Y/N felt her heart sink slightly when she noticed her apartment building only a few feet away.

By the time Joe had found a parking spot in front of the building, Y/N could feel her heart all the way in the souls of her feet. She had no idea why she was reacting this way. She had only known this man for, what, twenty minutes? And their one striking conversation had been about whether or not he was a stalker. She had no right to get this attached to him.

“You know,” he started. “I could give you a tour of the city if you’d like. You know, since you’re new and all.” He flashed her a million-dollar smile as he handed her the two pieces of luggage from the trunk.

“I think I would really enjoy that, Joe.” Her heart was beating so fast it could have jumped right out of her chest and made it back to her parents’ house before she was able to get inside her new apartment.

“Great,” he said. He opened up the passenger side of the cab so that he could reach into the glove box. He pulled a pen out of his shirt pocket and began scribbling on the blank side of the receipt he had just pulled out of the compartment before handing the small piece of paper to her. In very messy handwriting, she noticed he had written Joe (not a stalker, he promises) followed by a phone number and a smiley face below all of it.

“I’ll make sure to call you, Not-a-stalker-Joe.” Y/N’s face had heated up an extreme amount and she hoped that Joe wouldn’t think anything of it.

A few days passed before Y/N worked up the courage to actually call Joe. Maybe it was the fact that it was eleven o’clock at night. She always had been braver when she was tired. Maybe it was the fact that she hadn’t been able to get the cab driver out of her mind since he dropped her off at her place. Especially at night when she was alone with her thoughts. He got her head spinning and her heart racing without even being in the same room as her. She could only imagine what it would be like when she took him up on that tour offer.

“Hi, is this Joe?” she asked as politely as she could. She regretted calling the second he picked up.

“Depends…” his voice was raspier than it had been a few days ago. There was a possibility that Y/N had woken him up. “Who is this?”

“Y/N,” she said. Her nerves were skyrocketing at this point. The past week or so had not been easy on her heart.

“Who’s the stalker now?” he chuckled lightly into the phone. She heard rustling from the other side and assumed he was moving around on his bed. Having the phone by the bed seemed like a smart idea to her and she wondered why she hadn’t thought of moving hers there.

“You gave me your number, you know,” she said, twirling the cord around her finger.

“For a tour of the city. Not a late night rendezvous,” he said.

“I’m sorry. I can call again in the morning.” Her face was burning with embarrassment; the pressure managed to trail all the way down her spine, it seemed.

“No, doll, don’t worry about it. It had been a pretty boring night anyway,” Joe sighed. Y/N could imagine him running his hand through his hair. Then the image of running her hands through his hair popped into her mind.

“So, about that tour?” she asked. She really hoped she wasn’t being too forward. He was the one that offered.

“You up for it? Tomorrow’s my off day so you called just in time,” he said.

Y/N was barely able to sleep an hour that night. She didn’t know if it was the nerves (it was) or if it was the seemingly endless downpour of rain outside. After her fifth wake up, she decided trying to sleep was a lost cause. She slipped out of bed and out of her bedroom into the open concept of the rest of her apartment. The clock on the wall beside her stove let her know that it was edging on 4:15. Somehow, she managed to turn on her coffee pot and actually make herself some in her zombie-like state. She felt the liquid warm her right down to the tips of her toes.

Around 7am Y/N was beginning to regret skipping out on anymore sleep. Her eyes were droopy and she could barely keep them open long enough to read more than a paragraph on the morning paper. She figured this would be as good a time as any to start getting ready. She probably should’ve worked out a better plan with Joe before hanging up last night; she had zero percent of a clue as to when he would be picking her up that morning.

Y/N’s shower lasted longer than usual due to her starting the whole ordeal by just standing under the hot water with her eyes closed for about ten minutes. She’d even let her mind wander to thinking about Joe being in said shower with her but quickly shook the thought away as she began applying her coconut scented body wash. By the time she was finished, the originally scalding water was beginning to grow cold and Y/N was practically shivering trying to push the hot-water knob past its limit.

She decided to fix herself a third cup of coffee after getting dressed to aid her in doing her makeup in a way that wouldn’t make her look like a raccoon. A few years ago she had tried to do a Smokey eye after about three hours of sleep and she was not going for a recreation of that this morning.

9am was beginning to roll around when she heard a knock on her door.

“Morning, doll,” Joe said when she opened the door. He had his hair slicked back and a collared shirt left unbuttoned about three buttons.

“How’d you know which apartment was mine?” She chuckled lightly. She could have sworn he hadn’t followed her up to her door the previous day but she could’ve been wrong.

“I watched from my car to make sure you got in okay. I was really hoping I remembered which door it was and didn’t go knocking on some old lady’s door,” he said and ran one of his hands through the gelled hair. Y/n glanced over the balcony of the complex to see the bright yellow taxi parked in the exact spot it was in yesterday.

“That was very sweet of you, Joe,” both of them had a slight red tint to their faces as they made their way down the stairs and to the taxi. He opened the door for her before jogging around the front of the car to get in himself.

“The best tour of your life begins now,” he said before starting the car up.

“So how old did you say you were?” Joe asked after about twenty minutes of awkward silence.

“18. You?” Y/N said. She really hoped he wasn’t 37 or something or this whole ordeal would have gotten really awkward really fast.

“21,” he said and turned down the radio knob ever so slightly. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about how nice his fingers looked. “Now our first stop…”

It had been months since Y/N had first met Joe but she swore it felt like the pair had known each other forever. She felt more comfortable around him than anyone else she had ever met. They went on one or two more dates after their tour before Joe asked her to be his girlfriend. Everything between them was moving incredibly fast for Y/N’s usual tastes but she couldn’t be happier at the given moment. Joe made her feel alive. Her fingertips burned with every touch and her insides were practically doing backflips any time he complimented her or so much as held eye contact with her.

“Good morning doll face,” Joe said with his raspy morning voice that Y/N adored more than anything. She groaned with displeasure at being roused from her sleep but she gave him a soft smile when she finally opened her eyes. Joe was running his fingertips lightly across Y/N’s bare back as the thin sheets of his bed covered their lower halves. Her hand moved from being placed at the top of his abdomen to gently stroking his jaw. There was the faintest of stubble growing in and she would never tell him how much she really loved it.

“Morning, handsome,” she mumbled into his chest. She began trailing kisses from his chest up to his collarbone and back down again. Joe used his free hand to stop her antics and pull her face up to kiss his lips this time. In a few short moments, Joe was able to flip the pair of them to where he was resting over Y/N with one of his hands beside Y/N’s shoulder to support his weight and the other securely positioned on her jaw.

“That was a very good way to wake up,” she said and ran her thumb across his slightly swollen lips. He let out a soft laugh before poking her in the side and laying down on the bed beside her.

“I think I’m going to go get a shower. Care to join me?” He asked with a smirk. They had showered together before but it had never ended with them cleaner than when they entered.

“Not today, baby,” she said, which earned a very over exaggerated groan from Joe as he forced himself out of bed and into the connected bathroom.

She, too, pulled herself out of the bed and grabbed Joe’s button up off of the floor and buttoned it up just enough to cover all the necessities. She heard the creak of the hot water knob as she exited the bedroom to make herself some much needed coffee. Neither had gotten the recommended 8 hours of sleep and she was wondering how Joe was able to be so animated about everything already.

Their one-year anniversary came around faster than anything that Y/N had ever experienced. One day she was living in her parents home desperate to graduate from high school and now she was living in her boyfriend’s apartment (unbeknownst to her parents) and celebrating a whole year of dating. And it had been the most magical year of Y/N’s life.

“More wine?” Joe asked her as he pulled himself off of the couch. Y/N whined slightly as her side was hit with a gust of cold wind.

“Yes, please,” she said and handed up her empty wine glass.

“You got it, doll,” he sent her a wink and went into the kitchen to fill both their glasses. Y/N couldn’t help but watch him the whole time. She never thought that she’d be this head over heels for a man— especially this far along in a relationship. Before Joe, the longest she’d had a boyfriend had been about two months and they barely even talked during that time.

Joe glanced over at her from the kitchen just barely making eye contact with her before Y/N shifted her gaze to the record player in the corner of the room near the small television. It had been playing static for about an hour now but the both of them were too comfortable to care enough about flipping it.

“I love you, Joe,” Y/N said after a few more moments of silence. There was a loud crash in the kitchen that caused her to surge up from her seat and rush over. Before she was able to bend down to clean up any of the broken glass, though, Joe pulled her in by the hips to smash his lips against hers.

“Say it again,” he said when he pulled away with the biggest grin Y/N had ever seen.

“I love you, Joe.”

“I love you, Y/N/N. So much,” he pulled her in for another kiss, sidestepping around the broken wine glass to set her on the kitchen counter and placing himself between her thighs. His hands trailed from her hips to rest on the sides of her knees.

Almost four years had passed since then. Joe was set to leave for boot camp this afternoon and Y/N was barely functioning at this point. He had become such an integral part of her life since she arrived in San Francisco. She had no idea what she would do if he didn’t come back to her. Hell, she barely had a clue what she would do if he did come back to her. She knew nothing would be the same after all of this.

“I’ll write to you whenever I get the chance, baby doll. I promise,” he mumbled into her hair. Y/N had not left his side once in the past week and she didn’t plan on leaving it until he was on that train.

“I’m going to miss you so much, Joey,” she said.

“I know. I’m gonna miss you too.”

“I’ve loved you since I was 18 years old, Joe. I’m 22 now and somehow I love you more and more each day. Promise me you’ll come home to me,” she said. There were tears beginning to leak out of the corners of her eyes. He wiped one away with the pad of his thumb.

“I promise to try as hard as I can to come home to you, baby doll,” he said and pressed another kiss to her hair.

[somuchcolour]

WIP fic rec list

So I have a shit ton of important things to do so I was like, so what better time to make a WIP rec list of fics that are currently (hopefully) updating.

I know wips get a bad rap but I personally enjoy feeling like I’m in 1830s paris waiting for the next chapter of illusions perdues to drop. Also these authors are giving us sweet sweet entertainment and they deserve the hype. All stories deserve love no matter their completion status.

In no particular order:

A Brief History of Sex by Letzi

Never let it be said that Castiel Novak is not a passionate man. He doesn’t seem like he is at first glance, he’s willing to admit that. But what he does in life, everything that he does, in fact, in life, has been in the pursuit of passion.

He’s not sure how it landed him night after night sitting inside a cramped closet in a brothel’s bedroom, watching a prostitute get fucked from behind by one of her clients through a peephole, but that’s where he finds himself these days.

He has to make do with what he has.

--

ABO AU based on the TV Show Masters of Sex and the life and work of Virginia Johnson and William Masters, the pioneers of sex therapy.

A Priori by K_K_TiBal, whelvenwings   

Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are headed to Hogwarts.

Castiel, as a member of the old Novak wizarding family, is fully expected to be sorted into Ravenclaw, like all of his ancestors before him. Dean, as a Muggle-born, has no idea what the Houses even are. With a surprise sorting and classes starting soon afterwards, they're both pitched headfirst into the unknown - and they find themselves in competition with each other almost at once, both of them needing to prove themselves to the people they left at home, and the people with them at Hogwarts.

Over the course of their seven years at Hogwarts, Dean and Cas learn what it means to prove yourself, what it takes to discover who you are, what it feels like to fall in love, and what it is they'll fight for - what matters most of all.

And Death Shall Have No Dominion by ForeverShippingJohnlock    

Castiel Novak is a zombie. Or rather, a "partially deceased syndrome sufferer." Treated and on medication, Castiel is deemed fit to return to living society. Whether society is ready to accept him or not is another matter entirely.

Dean Winchester is an active member of the Human Volunteer Force, a group determined to eliminate the undead. With his father as the leader of the HVF, Dean has spent years learning that PDS sufferers are scum, treated or not, and Dean wants nothing more than to make his dad proud.

Against all odds, the two boys form an unlikely friendship that makes Dean question everything he knows and believes, while Castiel thinks that maybe his second life isn't such a curse after all.

A story of love and loss, life and death, and everything in between.

Beyond Our Waking Eyes by abbythebollix    

Dean Winchester is troubled, Sam Winchester is growing up and Castiel Milton is too fucking hot for his own good.

Cupid's Fiery Shaft by ChasingRabbits               

When Gabriel Milton is forced into working on the school's annual Shakespeare play, he finds himself drawn to one person in particular--a techie named Sam Winchester.

While waiting on numerous universities to dictate the next major step in his life, Sam has been blowing off steam with his friend, lab partner, and (unknowingly) Gabriel's stepbrother, Castiel Novak.

Castiel Novak: a swimmer and one of the school's resident oddballs, who finds himself in a quandary upon meeting Sam's older brother, Dean.

Dean Winchester: gruff-voiced automechanic by day and culinary genius/MegaNerd by night, who might not be as heterosexual as he lets everybody believe.

If it sounds complicated, that's only because it is.

Now That's Comedy by CaptainMercy42     

Comedy. It's what Winchester's did. Winchester's, and about a million other dumb fucks with an iPhone and 140 character witticisms about their first world problems. It was not supposed to bug him when no-talent "wordsmiths" got highlighted in a bit on Ellen or Bob and Tom. But it did.

His dad, well he was great at it. It was dark comedy. It came from a dark place; the loss of a wife and the life of a morally bankrupt single dad, almost innocent in how thoroughly unprepared he was for fatherhood.  Substance abuse in itself provided jokes for days. The material actually outlasted his dear old dad. This surprised no one. What was surprising was Sam's decision to ditch college and do his own act, despite his lingering bitterness.

The first night Dean saw Sam perform was also the first night Dean saw Castiel perform.

Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by linoresearch   

The year is 1722 and across the oceans merchant ships are hounded by pirates. Killing and stealing their way to infamy, the Winchesters plague the trade-routes to the New World, leaving a trail of death and devastation across the Spanish Main. They are villains, and every ship that sails under the colours of the Royal Navy has been tasked with bringing them to justice; sentenced to hang by the neck until dead.

When the lookout of the navy frigate, the Lady Mary, calls ship-ahoy from the crow’s nest, first-mate Lieutenant Castiel Novak has no idea how his life is about to change. In a swash-buckling adventure across the high-seas, Castiel faces sea-monsters, ghost-ships, and much more, in the race to secure a valuable and dangerous prize. Thrown in among the pirates aboard the Black Impala, he also learns that Captain Dean Winchester can be hard to resist.

Number 1 Crush by Duckyboos                

Dean, Benny, Charlie, Garth, and Cas are old college buddies. In their thirties now, they meet up once a year to shed their adult responsibilities for a week. This year it's Garth's turn to choose where they go and he's still as obsessed with horror and weird shit as he was back in college. He ends up picking a supposedly deserted hotel in the friggin' mountains. The place is creepy as hell and as night falls, two things become increasingly apparent. One: the place isn’t as deserted as they first thought, and two: Dean’s college stalker is back from the dead.

Dial 'M' For Monster by Duckyboos    

By day, Dean Winchester bakes cupcakes. He owns his own bakery (Stairway to Leaven) and people come from all over state to try his delicious vegan red velvet. By night, he’s a fighter of supernatural evil.

Castiel Novak owns the small town's only motel (The Resting Place). He has a problem; he thinks rooms 6 & 11 are haunted.  It’s not like he can just look up a local ghost hunter in the phone book though, now is it?

Oh, he can? Sweet.

All The Other Places by Englandwouldfall                

As is usually the way with this crap, nothing is that simple. Part 4 of Beach House       

Shades of Mediocrity by Englandwouldfall               

Dean needs to rearrange his life all over again, regroup, restart and work out what the hell to do next.Castiel needs to learn where to channel his heart break, among other things.   Part 4 of Home            

The Taming of the Dudes by Englandwouldfall  

They've been doing this long enough and successfully enough that Dean kind of feels they shouldn't be arguing over something as serious as the mortgage. Part 5 of As you like it       

Two and a Half Sheets to the Wind by Englandwouldfall        

The whole point of working on a cruise ship was to escape everything, so the last thing he needs is to run into a guy who makes him a little too honest on the first day of a month long stint around Europe.

With Interest by everandanon     

In which sought-after bad boy Castiel Novak agrees to make awkward, nerdy sophomore Dean Winchester fall in love with him for a bet, and quickly finds himself in over his head — but by the time he realizes his mistake, it’s too little, too late . . .

Fast-forward 11 years, and as guilty as Cas still feels, he has bigger problems to deal with. Grieving his twin brother and struggling to provide the care his niece deserves, Cas finally sucks it up and moves back home in an effort to hold things together.

Of course, it's only a matter of time before he runs into Dean - Dean, who's all grown up and even more beautiful than Cas always suspected he'd be. Dean, who says he wants to be friends, and is clearly much better at a game Cas hasn't played since he broke Dean's heart.

Dean, who might not be the forgive-and-forget type, after all . . .

Quarantension by everandanon  

In which Dean and Cas weather quarantine together like any Good Friends would — by developing outstanding skills in self-deception and providing all the casual affection and strictly platonic* orgasms the other could possibly need to make it through.** *Really not platonic **Spoiler: They need a lot.

Fortress by imogenbynight         

Five years ago, a malignant mass removed from John Winchester's temporal lobe left behind a quietly ticking bomb that nobody noticed until it decimated everything. Five years ago, John dragged Dean away from everything he'd ever known, hellbent on rescuing him from an imagined threat that felt more real to him than the blood on his hands. Five years ago, Castiel let Dean's hand slip through his fingers as he rescued Sam from what he'd thought was a more immediate threat.

For five years, Castiel has wondered if there was some way he could have saved Dean, too.

Now, with a phone call that he'd all but given up hoping for, Castiel has a chance to try again.

It's Kind of a Funny Story by deathsteel    

After an aborted suicide attempt lands Castiel Shurley in the hospital, he meets Dean Winchester, a charming damaged young man who is much more than first meets the eye.  Not being able to deal with the stress of growing up may have gotten him here and being hopelessly in love with his best friend's girlfriend probably didn't help, but Castiel soon learns that sometimes it takes  going a little crazy to find the path you were always meant to be on.

Loosely based on the movie/book by Ned Vizzini 'It's Kind of a Funny Story'.

Just A Schoolboy Crush by Zombiecat    

Castiel has a cliche crush on the highschool football all-star, Michael Ashton. Even though he's fully aware he's doomed to longing looks and pining in silence, it wouldn't be so bad if his best friend, Charlie, hadn't told Dean. Dean Winchester never seemed to miss a chance to get under his skin but for some reason he starts acting odd when he hears about Castiel's big secret.

God, Make Small by komodobits               

The last plane into McMurdo before the six-month winter brings a new face, an astronomer on transfer from one of the inland observatories. Truthfully, Dean doesn't know shit about neutrino particles; he's just the guy who gets paid to move the equipment from A to B and tries to keep it from getting broken and/or frozen solid. Castiel Novak's awkward, endearing smile is an additional bonus. However, the relentless blue night is brewing coldly for a storm, and it's starting to look like Dean and Castiel might be the only ones left out on the ice.\

Legacies by vanishingact    

Castiel Milton's uneventful life as a Massachusetts lawyer gets a little strange in the fall of 1887 when he is assigned to handle the late Henry Winchester's estate and his client's distractingly handsome grandson arrives to take up residence in the old manor house. As an unlikely friendship (with a side of pining) develops, the house slowly coughs up its secrets and reveals a whole world of trouble that Dean never knew his grandfather kept hidden.

The Game of God by seperis           

You can't win a war for humanity by sacrificing all of your own. Part 4 of Down to Agincourt        

Sequins and Spirals by euphemology  

Dean Winchester is a world-renowned figure skater who hails from the “good old U.S. of A.” He is well on his way to the 2014 Winter Olympics, but there’s one small problem: so is his arch-rival, Polish skater Castiel Novak. Competition is definitely not going to be easy, but it gets even harder when the two men get assigned to the same room in the Olympic Village.

Show Me How To Love by universalromance    

A new family of kids at Lawrence High School brings a new perspective to Dean's life, especially when he becomes inexplicably drawn to the youngest of the siblings, a severely autistic boy who has never spoken or touched anybody in his entire life. Rating will possibly go up later. Possibly upsetting psychological subject matter.

The Process by Soupernabturel           

“Dean, hands to yourself please.”

The man in question straightens up in his chair, turns his flirty smile from the man two seats from him and onto officer Novak. “Sorry, Cas.”

“Cas?” Hannah asks.

“We get some regulars. They come to know a few of the officers, the patrol officers, especially.” Novak explains, the look on his face, almost slightly bored, slips a little. “As you know, I’m usually the one monitoring the Strip.”

 Police!Officer Cas is being filmed at work (A-la: Jail Las Vegas) for a reality TV show. Meanwhile Dean is a sex worker, not only familiar with the Strip’s booking process, but with a certain blue-eyed officer.

Start With a Name by cumberbellins, frickenapplepie (cumberbellins)    

Waking up in a stranger's living room with a blue eyed man staring down at you isn't the most pleasant experience ever. Dean Winchester can tell you that. Another thing Dean Winchester can tell you is that whenever you have to break into your brother's apartment, you should make sure that you got the right window.

starving in your gravity by alullabytoleaveby   

Dean has enough on his plate. Really.

There's his job as a paramedic for the local hospital and, while he loves it, loves getting to help people, the hours are long and the pay leaves much to be desired. There's his definitely-not-a-relationship with Castiel, the hot ER doctor, where's he's completely out of his depth emotionally. And then there's his brother, who's just dropped out of law school and has no idea what he's going to do now.

So what he definitely does not need is his alcoholic deadbeat dad stumbling back into his life.

Make Damn Sure by SurlyCat      

Dean Winchester is not thrilled about taking an office job at one the most powerful media corporations in the country. His work has always been hands on, but when Charlie tells him about the job opening and its comfortable salary, the temptation is just too great to turn down. And really, it wouldn't be too bad if it weren't for the blue-eyed man that also works there.

Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have crossed paths far too often over the last 12 years, with an unsavory outcome nearly every time. This time though, walking away is just not an option as they're forced to collaborate on a project and learn to navigate each other like civilized human beings. For Dean and Cas though, nothing ever goes quite according to plan.

...In Bed by SurlyCat                

Dean Winchester and Castiel Milton met on a rainy summer day over a broken down car. Even though Castiel is nosy and seems to have no filter, Dean still finds himself drawn to the man. Over time they become friends, and over time, Dean falls for Cas, certain that Cas is uninterested. What Dean doesn't know is that his friend hasn't always been quite so tame, and Cas is careful to keep it that way. Who would've thought that a fortune cookie and a childish game would be responsible for bringing out the truth?

Tag, You're It! by Kitmistry   

Five months after the case that almost claimed their lives, what started as blowing off some steam during a high-pressure situation and continued as a mutually-beneficial arrangement is getting out of Special Agent Castiel Novak’s control. Falling in love with his partner is doomed to end in disaster, especially when said partner is Special Agent Dean Winchester—cocky, infuriating, and the biggest playboy Castiel has ever met.

Still on medical leave, Dean is bored out of his mind, and worst of all - once Castiel gets sucked into the investigation of a new case - without enough distractions from his inner demons. When he stumbles upon a small, seemingly risk-free case, Dean jumps at the chance to get involved, but the lies he has to tell could be catastrophic for the already shaky foundations of his relationship with Castiel.

With a new threat trying to take over the underworld of DC, Castiel and Dean have to find a way to work past their problems or risk losing each other forever.

Part 2 of The H Files       

The Supernatural Edification of Dean Winchester by OverlordoftheBees   

Based on TV Series “Afterlife”. Professor Castiel Novak (MA Berkeley, PhD Harvard) is an academic who has staked his credibility upon his ability to decompress and deconstruct the mythology surrounding mediums, clairvoyants and all things "new age spiritualist". That is, until a routine trip with a graduate class brings him into contact with medium Dean Winchester: uniquely gifted, supremely abrasive and desperate for a way out. When Dean touches on the tragedy marring Castiel’s past, his neatly constructed worldview is decimated. There is only a veil between life and death, as both well know. And as Castiel finds himself increasingly drawn to Dean, the fragility of that barrier is strained to its limit.

These Are the Nights by vintagenoise         

After a sudden tragedy, Castiel Milton and Dean Winchester reflect back on their youth in the beachside town of Sileas, Oregon, and all the lessons they learned on the path that led them to each other.In the Winter of 2008, Castiel visits his boyfriend, Dean, for Christmas. Despite all the big issues he and Dean have dealt with in the past, they've never had the chance to sort through the little things. Castiel is sure that their plans, from embarking on a road trip together, to spending time with the Winchesters, can only be good for their relationship. There's just one little problem that needs to finally be confronted: sex, and Castiel's difficulty with it.In the Summer of 2009, Dean and Sam visit their estranged father and his new family, who reluctantly allow Castiel to visit through Independence Day. All Dean wants is for his family and his boyfriend to get along, but between John's struggle to accept his son's sexuality, and his wife Kate's strange attitude towards Castiel, he's not sure he'll be able to make it work. Part 7 of Young Volcanoes                

[byuniieo]

my nerdy princess

pairing: na jaemin x reader

genre: highschool!au F

word count: 1859 words

.🍂

You remember the first day you met Jaemin, It was in the middle of winter in the neighborhood park right after the first snow. You remember his pink cheeks and the beige scarf wrapped around his neck almost swallowing him in its warmth.

You remember when he ran up to you because he liked your red scarf and your Winnie the Pooh coat. He grabbed your gloved hand and dashed with you all around the park.

Maybe you’re quieter, nerdy and a lot more shy than other kids but to him you were his red princess. He gave you that name after he realized how red your cheeks turned when you got shy.

Obviously you got used to him and his unexpected actions. He was the total opposite of you but despite being opposites you guys got along well and shared many interests and had quite a lot of similarities.

Growing up he stayed by your side and you by his. He helped you grow out of your small shell and made you feel accepted and beautiful. Like his actual princess.

You had always helped him when he fell or got hurt, you’d keep him out of trouble and give him cuddles when he was feeling down.

You guys had sleepovers, play dates or lunch. Sometimes he even stayed over for dinner. Sometimes he would just come over to sit down and watch movies with you, and when you were sad he would come over and stay by your side.

In middle school you remember always being asked if Jaemin was your boyfriend. Both your parents joked about it a lot because he was always very protective of you and always wanted to see you but it wasn’t true. In fact, you weren’t even sure if he liked you and you for sure started to question whether you liked him or not.

He would always look for you, even when he had his girlfriends or when he had his bros hanging out with him, he’d always make time for you.

When you entered high school, you started becoming more “nerdy” and spent most of your time in the library studying or just staying there to rest and read a book. Even then he’d go and find you in the library and tease you by calling you “nerd” yet he’d always join you. You would sit at one of the tables to read your book or study while he’s playing video games beside you.

Sometimes he’d even read with you, but he respected your silence nonetheless.

You would go to his sport games, tag along with him to gaming cafes, and sometimes you’d go skating with him. You enjoyed your time with him just as much as he did with you, You liked making time for him and enjoyed spending most of your time with him.

Everything you had was just as much his and vice versa.

.🍂

“Na Jaemin!”

“Woah! Would you look at that? I have to go... and hide” Jaemin scratches his head and turns around in an attempt to hide behind his taller classmates in order to be unnoticed by the small raging human stomping his way.

“Nuh-uh.” You reach for his wrist before he can even try to run, turning him around and reaching for his ear you pull him the other way. You heard Jaemin’s friends whistles and howls as you pulled him through the school hallways. Jaemin obviously not liking the attention sent them a glare before flipping them off in the process of being dragged by the ear.

“Y/N, Princess!! You’re hurting me!” You feel his hand wrap around your wrist in an attempt to loosen your hold. His hands are way bigger than yours but he knows his strength and doesn’t apply too much pressure. Neither does he attempt to pull your hand away because let's be honest that’ll just hurt him more.

This is your Na Jaemin. The boy of every girl’s dreams, sadly you’re best friend and walking nightmare. Normally your friendship is full of laughter and bright smiles but Jaemin forgot to finish his part of the project that’s due by the end of the day and there’s no way, absolutely no way you’re gonna let this boy ruin your chances of passing this semester.

“Don’t call me that,” You stop and turn to meet his brown eyes and lower your hand from his ear, “You said you were going to finish your part of the project before class started but no obviously you haven’t.” Folding your arms on your chest you walk ahead of him knowing he’ll follow behind.

“Scientifically we have a couple more hours till due time, so how about we just hang out during the meantime..?” He sends you a sly smile and a playful wink.

You glare at him, “We only have till 9 to finish it and turn it in but your dumb ass didn’t finish one single page of what was needed from you in order to have it as a passing grade.”

Your fast small steps take you closer to the library not far from your school. Classes had just ended but your teacher gave your class extra time to revise and fix any errors and turn it in by 9PM to get it graded and depending on if it was turned in late or incomplete, there will be points docked off.

“Relax, We have time. It’s almost 5.” His hand reaches to ruffle your hair bringing himself to walk ahead of you leading you in the direction of the library.

“Don’t ruffle my hair,” Your hands reach up to pat down your hair as you watch him turn around and flawlessly walk backwards so that you can see him. “You’re gonna fall” Your words come out in a small mumble knowing Jaemin will tease you if he hears you worry for him. Which is exactly what happens.

“What’s that? Couldn’t hear you? Did our princess just worry for me?” He stopped in his tracks and tilted his head towards you to meet your gaze.

Abruptly stopping in your tracks, you clutch the straps of your bag and lift your gaze and meet his eyes. There's light dancing in them, colors of mischief and happiness, they're not empty or sad, they're full of colors and shades. Slowly your eyes travel to his eyelashes, his brows, his nose, the apple of his cheeks and slowly but surely his lips. You watch them stretch into a smirk and that's when your eyes snap back to meet his eyes.

“I said I hope you fall” You arm stretches out to push him lightly at his chest, “Hurry lets go you're wasting time”

Walking around him your mind clouded with so many thoughts, ‘Did he see me staring at his lips? Why are they so pretty? Why was I so attracted to him? This shouldn’t be happening’.

You failed to realize he was looking back at you.

.🍂

“I'm done!! Can we go now?” He looks up from his laptop rested on the table separating the two of you. He came in view with your sleeping form. Your head rests between your arms, you are flushed cheeks poking through the hair sprawled across your face. Your hands hidden in the depth and warmth of your sleeves, the hood of your hood slightly sliding off the top of your head.

His smile grows wider remembering the nights you guys slept together as children. He’s your childhood friend, Your best friend. The one that held your hand when you were scared, The one that protected you from bullies, and the one who gave you his jackets and hand warmers on winter school days. He packs up his things and gathers up your books and textbooks, placing them back in their places before squatting down beside your chair gently moving your hair behind your ear.

“Y/n.. Wake up, we can go now.” He gently pats your arm, watching you slowly open your eyes he stands up silently waiting for you to wake up from your small sleep.

“What time is it? Did you finish it? Did you turn it in?” You rub your eyes and look up at him while patting your hair down before covering it with your hoodie.

“It's 7. I did finish and yes, I turned it in. That's what you ask me as you wake up?” He raises his eyebrow and shrugs off his jean jacket before swinging his bag over his shoulder. “How about you ask me, ‘Oppa You worked hard, how about we go eat something at the cafe down the street?’” His voice raising a couple octaves higher in an attempt to mimic your voice, he places his jacket on your head before putting his hand on his stomach adding a small pout in the end.

You roll your eyes and pull his jacket over your hoodie while standing up, “I'm not going to call you oppa. Thank you for finishing your part of the project, I'll pay for your food as a thank you and then we're going home, okay?”

As you look up at him you realized you can't get out because where you decided to sit was almost like a booth and your only way to get out was through where Jaemin is currently blocking your way. Unless you go under or over the table but that's besides the point.

“Uh s’cuze me Jaemin. Let me get through so we can get there early.” You look down and start to fiddle with your fingers as you feel his strong gaze on you. “Uhm,. Jaem-”

“How about we make it a date? and I pay for it instead?” He tilts his head and you swear your face couldn’t have gotten any redder than a tomato.

“Huh? Wait, What?” You stumble on your words as you look up from your hands.

“Let me take you out on a date?” He comes closer to you, obviously you in your flustered state steps back.

“A date? Like we go out? Like how we have always done after studying? ” Your head tilts to the side as you curiously watch his next move while subtly moving backwards.

“Yeah but instead you come as my girlfriend” He reaches for your hand and pulls you out of your seat.

“Aye Na Jaemin if you’re messing with me i’m gonna tell auntie that you’re being a bully” You glare up at him and slap his chest with your other hand.

“No! I'm being serious! Be mine. My princess.” He grabs your other hand on his chest and holds it in place. “Only mine”

He leans down meeting your lips, softly applying pressure on your lips, slowly dancing along with his own. His hands moving your hands up over his shoulders and his own arms feeling their way down to your waist.

The sunset making its way through the squared windows giving the library a glow of an orange hue. Sun rays cascading down on the rows of bookshelves and the desks. Everything looks and feels so ethereal and angelic.

With him you’re safe. Your Na Jaemin.

.🍂

a/n: sorry it took me so long to post it was saved in our drafts for the longest of times, im just the queen of procrastination and think my work is absolute garbage and have low self esteem.

n e ways i hope y’all liked/enjoyed it >.<  

expect more (but not soon bc i procrastinate) luv ya’ll

main masterlist

nct masterlist

[stardew-imagines-me]

Hi!!!! Uhm, can I ask a short story, where the farmer (in your Highschool AU) was looked down on when they first arrived at the school, but soon climbed up the ranks with their academic ability and skills in other fields, which impressed the students and caught the attention of the Top 12?

I, uh... I got carried away ;”-) I just love the high school au so much

The first days of school were hell. They were always hell regardless if you were returning or transferring, but to transfer in the middle of the year? That's basically a death wish. You knew that, but what other choice did you really have? You had no home back in the city, your mother made that clear through tear filled apologizes and painfully tight hugs goodbye. You didn't have a home in Stardew Valley, this was just some place your grandfather gave to you in case you ran into trouble - it makes you suspicious sometimes about how good he prepared everything.

You can't blame either one of them though, it just had to be this way until it was safe enough to go back. But when that would be? You weren't quite sure, mom made it clear to not wait up though. Your new years would start here.

Start here... in the personal bathrooms once again. Another lunch spent hiding away from people who would only whisper to each other about your sudden appearance, your clothes, your family. The hot topic of the school for being the city kid outsider.

The rude remarks about your intelligence or  simple existence didn't bother you. Neither did the rough pushing in the halls, or the pitiful looks you'd receive. Even having no friends made a difference. You stayed quiet and calm despite the undeserved harassment, always focusing on your school work or eating your food with your head down. What would be the point in showing a reaction when you didn't feel anything?

There was only 5 things you liked since moving to Stardew Valley. The first was shopping; you could spend your whole day in the florists shop looking at all the different types of home grown flowers, or picking out new vegetable seeds to grow inside during the winter. You visited so often you were practically best friend's with the owner; an elderly man without a wife or kids. He soon became someone to vent to when a letter from your mom arrived.

The second would be the silence of the semi medium town. You could walk for hours in the woods and find that it was nearly silent always. Sometimes living on the outskirts of town was beneficial for your mental health.

The third had to have been sleeping. Now with no running children in the apartment above you, or your mom passed out on the only bed available, you were able to sleep for as long as you wanted without disturbance. That's practically your whole weekend, just sleeping the hours away until your body refused anymore.

The fourth, surprisingly, was the students. Not the normal ones, or the ones who pushed your head into the lockers whenever they felt like it, the ones who you had to observe from far away with everyone else because they were practically the royalty of your school.

Every single one of them had a different personality, had some sort of contribution to either a large organization, or came with talent unmatched by anyone. They were all so interesting, but one thing was you had never seen them all together.

You'd think, being some of the most exceptional students, they'd be together all the time - that wasn't the case though. You'd be lucky if you even saw three of them hanging out.

They were all so busy, so the possibility of them sparing a glance at someone the likes of you was.. small.

The last thing was the garden at school. That was something you would always admit you were a little too fond of.

Gardening was the only thing you had back in the city; your cups of bamboos and pots of orchids, the baby blooming orange tree that had finally grown it's first blossom since being potted or the mint you'd talk to whenever your mother was too busy at work.. she was always busy. To have the blank, nearly dead slate of the school garden was a gift from the cruel gods who put you in this situation to begin with.

Nevertheless, you signed up for the gardening club after your 2nd month at Stardew Dew High.

You understood when the three other gardening students were distraught by the death of their beautiful green sanctuary, you would've been too. You took it upon yourself to arrive at school extra early in order to turn the compost beds, pluck the monstrous amount of weeds from the dry soil and gather what seed was left in storage.

Late afternoons when you'd spend time talking to the acting president, Sei, she would share stories about the past gardening president and how he made Star Dew high into what attracted so much attention in the first place; private school gardeners were put to shame with his natural green thumb.

"It's kind of crazy, to think that we just started out in classroom with a few tiny pots of tulips. Without Boari, we wouldn't be here now," She smiled painfully towards the dug up flowerbeds, tapping her nails against the dirt path and resting against the greenhouse.

"Well, without the sponsorship from a few of the top 12, we wouldn't have any of this," she motioned to the large expansion of land the gardening club owned, "Bless Boari's soul for being so caring, he's the only person I've seen the top 12 so fascinated with,"

You nodded, arms propped up on your knees as you glanced at Sei every now and then.

"Amy and Kai? Bless those girls souls for trying so hard to keep everything running after Boari left. We all tried out best, but in the end it wasn't enough,"

That small conversation shouldn't have meant so much, but Sei had looked so sad, Kai and Amy always worked so hard. You knew they sacrificed a lot for this club, and even despite your sad reputation in the school, they never once put you down for just existing. They always offered their table when it was open, or encouraged you during classes you had with them - the least you could do was try to bring back whatever they had before.

And that's what you did.

Since that day, you spent your lunch time in the library studying for tests that were months away and finishing packets of homework that counted for the rest of the year. You spent every morning and afternoon planting, growing, watering, turning. You trimmed the mazes', you fixed the broken shelves in the shed and even took money from you own pocket to decorate the greenhouse.

You saw less of your garden mates, you hadn't been pushed in a good few weeks and your teachers praised you every chance they could when you turned in finished packet after packet. You had secluded yourself with good reason, and the lack of attention, negative or not, wasn't unwelcomed.

But there was one thing that left you scratching your head; the amount of letters, small gifts, sticky notes and even a pack of strawberry seeds had all fallen from your locker when you opened it one morning. To be fair though, you never used the damn thing, the lock was sticky.

As you watched the garden bloom almost impossibly fast, you noticed that no one touched you anymore, in fact, everyone offered bright smiles and shameful expressions. Odd.

-

"I want you to be the gardening president," Sei held out the green leaf hairpin towards you, proud grin stretching across her face while Amy and Kai stood to the side, clapping their hands and shouting excitedly.

"What..? Why?" Club hairpins were sacred, those were the absolute deciding factor on your reputation as a student. To be the president of an important club was to join the class royalty in some way.

But to you, it was just a leaf hairpin.

"You're like the plant whisperer! What do you mean why? You've literally regrown the garden single handedly, thrown yourself into being one of the top academic students in our school, and somehow stayed modest the whole time,"

"You mean oblivious, Sei," Kai teased, snickering behind her hand while Amy smacked her arm.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to impose anything," Sei shook her head so hard you were scared she would knock herself unconscious.

"Without you, our dream wouldn't have stayed. Please, take the pin before my arms break off,"

-

And with the official announcement of the garden president change, and the garden fairy's arrival, you were classified as one of the elite.

Now students asked to sit with you at lunch, or begged to be in project groups with you - you even found yourself cornered by a few students who admitted they had always loved you and want to take you out on the weekend. That was a little extreme.

You couldn't care any less about the title though, sticking with eating lunch in the green house or staying silent during class. You had to be one of the most antisocial elites so far, and with Penny or Sebastian? That's kinda saying a lot.

"Hey, you're the garden fairy, right?" You recognized that voice anywhere, if it wasn't the one and only Alexander, football prodigy.

"Huh, you are cute aren't you? Should've found you sooner," Haley too?

You turned around, empty pot clutched in gloved hands and dirt smudged across your cheeks. Dear lord, it wasn't just Alex and Haley.

"I've seen you around!" Sam said loudly, his smile really was brighter than the sun. You looked to his side where Abigail hushed him and Sebastian waved, arms crossed over his chest.Elliott pushed the glasses that were drooping down his nose up as you caught your glance, and Leah smiled next to him.

"Did we catch you at a bad time?" Penny asked quietly, tucked behind a blue haired Emily, and a frantic Harvey. You were about to shake your head when Shane injected.

"Of course we did," Maru patted his shoulder, and gestured to you again, "You shouldn't talk for other people, Shane,"

Every single one of the 12 stood in front of you, watching as you stared at them, wide eyed and clutching harder onto your pot. Out of every moment they could've found you, it had to have been when dirt was smudged across your face and your gloves soaked and muddy.

"Uhm.." You started, everyone lighting up as you finally found your voice. For some reason, all the attention shook you, and all you wanted to do was retreat to the green house and contemplate your life.

"You probably don't know why we're here, sorry," Leah said, ducking her head quickly in a tiny bow.

"We came here to see who the person was that brought back the garden," Harvey seemed all too enchanted by the very mention of the garden.

"Yes, we also wanted to see who it was that our peers were regarding as the 13th addition," Elliott's voice was comforting in the overwhelming aura each one of them produced. You nodded again, slowly and trailed Haley's hands as they reached out to touch your hair.

Emily quickly snatched her sisters hand away, giving a frowning Haley to Alex, "Manners, Haley,"

They stood there, expecting for you to say something, anything at all, but all you did was stare at them. That was until your brain completely shut down.

"Uhm.. yeah," And with that, you shuffled quickly out of the empty classroom and all but bolted down the corridor into one of the main halls and down the stairs to the gardens.

You knew as you threw off your gloves, set down the pot and grabbed your backpack in a rush, your life wouldn't be the same from then on. Still, you would go home and spend one last night alone until you walked back into school the next day a completely different person.

[somethingorotherrr]

Begin Again | Jin

Summary: Our lovely Seokjin and y/n fall in love at a young age, life happens and then a decade later (give or take) they cross paths again. 

Genre: Floofy fluff and angsty angst. Idol!au (kind of, at the very least it’s implied).

Warnings: Heh, beware of the happy ending.

——————– 

It was the long-awaited closing time at your bakery. The rainstorm outside had made for very little traffic the whole day and now it was finally time to switch off the lights and enjoy a nice night by the fire with a glass of wine. Making a move for the door to lock it, someone unexpectedly barged in. 

“I’m sorry, we’re closed…” your statement lost gumph as you took in the figure before you. Seokjin.

You hadn’t seen him in years, at least not in person. Of course, his face and his band member’s faces had inevitably popped up on your newsfeed or on the odd poster or commercial but you hadn’t seen him in person for a very long time, almost 10 years. And now here he stood, water dripping from his hair and down his cheeks as he stared at you like he’d seen a ghost. 

“Y/n,” you barely heard his whisper-like murmur over the background noise of the rain, but even so, the sound of his name on your lips after so many years sent your heart skipping and your mind spiraling back in time.

*Flashback*

You had known Seokjin for years, dating all the way back to grade school. In the beginning, you had thought he was just kind of an awkward kid that made bad jokes and this was true well into highschool. Despite this, he was admittedly very cute and you slowly developed a crush on him. The harder you crushed on him, the more you began to understand that he was a lot less awkward than you’d initially thought and the only reason you thought his jokes were bad was because you just didn’t possess the knowledge to comprehend them. After one or two times searching up his references, you discovered that he was, in fact, hilarious. 

The two of you were never close growing up and you were almost certain that he didn’t even know your name. He was definitely the kind of person everyone could get along with and his charisma and popularity only grew as he got older, so much so that you’d decided that there was just no way someone like you could catch his attention.

His rising up the social ladder in high school only made it harder and more nerve-wracking to approach him, you were beginning to feel like he was untouchable. Eventually, though, you finally got the courage to go up to him. It was the dreaded February 14th again, but this time you were determined to give him a rose or at least talk to him. You’d already purchased the bright red flower and you held it in your trembling hands as you waited for the last bell to ring. You, of course, knew where his last class was and you also knew that he had a habit of staying late to talk to friends. 

Finally, finally, the bell rang and you darted out of your seat, almost knocking over your chair as you made a bee-line for his class. As expected, he was still at a desk and surrounded by friends who were laughing hardily with him. Unsure how to approach him and not wanting to interrupt or have an audience when he undoubtedly rejected you, you waited with uncertainty by the door. 

After five or so minutes, his friends finally left and he was alone. Still waiting for him to leave, because the teacher was in there, you tapped your foot somewhat impatiently. You didn’t want to lose the courage and you knew you would if too much time passed. 

...But would it be so bad if you did chicken out? He was going to turn you down, you were sure of it, so why even put yourself through the embarrassment?

Because of the possibility that he might say yes. You thought and knew it was the truth. You were here for the chance that, despite how microscopic, he would say yes. 

Then he waltzed out of the room and your whole world shifted its focus to him. He was wearing thin round glasses and his uniform was immaculate, without a single wrinkle. His dark hair was getting a little too long and would’ve been falling in his eyes if he hadn’t strategically swept it to the side. 

“Seokjin?” the name left your lips before you gave it conscious permission to.

Seokjin turned around, brows raised as his eyes searched for who called his name until he finally settled on your small figure shuffling nervously by the door. 

When your eyes met, he gave you a small and polite smile that made your heart skip beats. 

“Yes?” he answered, his eyes trailing down to the rose in your hands and you knew he was already aware of why you were there. 

“I-I was hoping you would accept my rose? For Valentines?” You stuttered, wishing you’d just kept your mouth shut and never called his name in the first place.

At your words, you could see his ears get very red as he began to avoid eye contact. 

“You like me?” he questioned, uncharacteristically quiet and your heart flooded with dread.

“Yes,” you confirmed, shifting your weight uncomfortably. Too much.

“Okay,” he unexpectedly nodded, holding out his hand. 

Your head shot up, “okay? As in yes?” 

He smiled, though it was a little forced and you could tell he was embarrassed.

“Yes.”

Placing the flower gently in his palm, you bit your lip in contemplation. “My name is y/n, by the way”

He scoffed a little, probably insulted, “I know that”

***

The week following, you didn’t hear anything from him and that made you distraught. Had he only accepted your flower to avoid an awkward situation? You weren’t surprised that he didn’t like you back, only that he would do something like that. He’d always seemed like such a respectful and honest person, leading someone on wasn’t something you would’ve ever expected from him. 

Your thoughts all changed when you saw him in the hall outside your 1st-period class, eyes darting nervously around at every person that walked by. He wasn’t facing you all the way so he didn’t notice when you came up beside him and he jumped a bit when you tapped his shoulder. You smiled apologetically. 

When he saw it was you standing beside him, his tense muscles relaxed a bit but bunched right back up as he got ready to speak. 

“Y/n,” he paused, gathering the courage to say his next words, “can I take you on a date?”

Your eyes bugged at the question, thinking he’d just finally come around to tell you the truth—that he wasn’t interested. 

You stood there with your mouth open for a few seconds, making him even more nervous. 

“Y/n?” he repeated, snapping you out of whatever brain freeze you were experiencing. 

“Yes! Yes.” You blushed at how eager you sounded and attempted to make your second ‘yes’ sound calmer.

He relaxed at your agreement, giving you a smile that made your chest warm. 

“Can I have your number?” for as nervous as he must’ve been, he was surprisingly charming in his delivery this time. 

Your cheeks got darker as you took out your phone and you both exchanged numbers before reluctantly parting ways when the bell rang. 

The months following were pure bliss. Seokjin was about as big of a gentleman as one could get, always opening doors, shielding you from elements and never letting you pay—much to your dismay. He was who romance authors based all their books on. He was charming, kind-hearted, funny and surprisingly domestic. The first time you kissed was in your kitchen when you were baking a cake together for your little brother’s birthday. You’d flung some flour at him and he’d tickled you in retribution. When the giggles had finally subsided, it was like a fairytale as you stared into each other’s eyes, him slowly leaning in and capturing your lips with his. It was short and sweet but still had your heart beating as if you’d just finished a marathon.

Two years passed and you were the happiest you’d ever been in your life, Seokjin was a dream, one you loved with everything you had. You wanted to give him the world, but as graduation drew near, you began to realize that maybe the best thing for him wasn’t you. And maybe the best thing for you wasn’t him. He was destined for great things, to be seen and loved by the world, while you were smaller and just wanted a simple life and a successful career. There was no way you would let yourself hold him back—keep him from the life he was meant to live. That left two options; give up the life you wanted or let him go.

The conclusions you were coming to had you running to the bathroom, hurling your stomach’s contents into the toilet. You loved him so much, with everything you were, and the realization that you weren’t meant to be made you physically sick. Your heart clenched and your throat closed up as you fought the urge to break down in tears. You’d already made your decision and you hated yourself for it more than you’d ever hated anything. 

The following weeks, all the way up to graduation, you gave him as much love as you could. You’d spent every spare second you had holding him and you knew he’d picked up on your not-so-subtle change in behavior. 

“Y/n?” he murmured one afternoon as you rested against him while staring out at the lake you were visiting. You’d pushed to go to more places and see more things together because you wanted as many memories with him as possible. 

“Yes, Jinnie?” you smiled up at him, trying to hide the lump in your throat. He must’ve seen through you because his brow furrowed and he looked away. 

“Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye?” he asked, his voice still quiet.

Your heart lurched at his words and you couldn’t help the tears that trailed silently down your cheeks. 

“What do you mean?” you spoke no louder than a whisper in hopes that he wouldn’t be able to hear the emotion that clouded your voice. 

“We’re together all the time, so why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye? Why does it feel like every time I let go of your hand, I’ll never see you again?” At the end of his sentence, he pulled away, turning to face you. 

He didn’t seem surprised to see the tears on your face or the sorrow in your eyes, “Why is this goodbye?”

*End Flashback*

“Y/n, it’s really you” he seemed like he was in a trance as he stumbled towards you. 

“Seokjin!” You gasped as he startled you by pulling you into his embrace. The still familiar feel of his arms around you had you melting into him. He felt like coming home after years of being lost, stumbling aimlessly through life. 

“I can’t believe it’s you” he was clearly in shock as he pulled back and stared at you, his hands keeping a firm grip on your arms like he was scared you’d disappear into thin air any second.

Your eyes darted around, trying to find an explanation as to why he was here. 

“What are you doing here?” You finally asked in the softest voice you could manage. It felt like there was a massive lump in your throat that briefly made you wonder for the millionth time if you had made the right decision all those years ago.

He stood taller now and with his hair pushed back and his glasses on, he looked a lot more mature as well. In every accidental internet sighting that you’d seen of him over the past three or four years, it looked like he hadn’t aged a single day. He still looked exactly the same. 

A sudden wave of insecurity hit you. How much had you aged? How different did you look?

“I-I was driving,” he paused, tucking your hair behind your ear, his attention redirected. “You cut your hair”

You nodded, placing a hand on top of his to pull it away from your face. That seemed to break him out of whatever daydream he was in and he stepped back. 

“I saw you in the window...I had to know if it was really you” he continued his earlier sentence.

“How are you?” the question came out before you could really think about it. When he’d stepped away from you, it’d sent an intense panic through you. You weren’t ready for him to leave yet.

He seemed to be on the same page as you because he suddenly surged forward again, bringing you back into his arms and you couldn’t stop your own arms from snaking under his expensive unbuttoned coat and hugging him back tightly.

I love you. Those words bounced around in your brain, threatening to spill out of your mouth but you were careful to keep a tight lip.

This time, when he stepped back, there wasn’t as much sorrow in his movements. He seemed to absentmindedly stroke your cheek and hair as he admired your face.

“I love you” he suddenly blurted, seeming just as surprised by the revelation as you were.

“What?” Your heart was damn near bursting with emotion and for a second you questioned if this was all a dream. 

“I’m sorry—I didn’t—I mean—” he backed away, shaking his head. 

“You didn’t mean it?” Your heart broke at the notion.

“No!” He stopped you, “I did! I just—I know I have no right to say that. You’re probably married or something. I mean, it was like a decade ago, I should be over you. I’m so pathetic, I’m so sorry” he rambled, tugging at his once perfectly styled hair. 

“It’s only been you.” You announced, catching his attention.

“What?”

“It’s always only been you. I don’t know why, but I never...never loved anyone else. I gave you my heart a long time ago and you never gave it back” You let off your chest. 

He furrowed his brow, “then why...just why?”

You knew what he was asking. “I didn’t want what I knew you deserved. I was selfish, but I don’t think I made the wrong choice”

It was true, now you were sure you had been right in letting him go. Without you, he’d been given the unobstructed opportunity to stretch his wings and fly. You could see that now.

“...What I deserved?” he echoed. 

“I knew you were meant to do something big and obviously I was right, I mean just look at what you’ve made of yourself. But back then, it felt like I would’ve had to give up my own dreams to be with you in yours”

He didn’t answer for a little bit, contemplating your words. “And now?”

“And now,” you paused, collecting courage, “now I know it’s possible to do both”

He stared at you, taking in your expression. Whatever he saw must’ve agreed with him because he strode forward, cupping your cheeks and connecting your lips. 

“I love you” He whispered when you finally broke apart. 

“I love you”

All those years ago, it had been a case of the right person at the wrong time—you were both too young with so much love but lacking enough life experience. Back then, you didn’t know it was possible to compromise and if you’d stayed together the regrets and what if’s weighing you down would have eventually torn your relationship apart. You had to live your own life and learn. Now you were two lucky souls that got to try it again, this time at the right time.

[dog-girl-zezora]

Im a little drunk so im gonna talk about my best friend i no longer have in the read more and maybe ill feel better, if you read it thank you for indulging my rambling... im just................ im sad bud

soooo august 27th 2019 was the day me and my friend had a falling out...

because i forgot his birthday... his birthday is actually...  uhh i think itd august 17th but im not sure! cause i dont know when anybodies brithday is to be frank im like... really really bad at knowing that kind of stuff and ... idk...

but it wasnt just his birthday... his grandma died 2 weeks before it and i remember him calling me about it... i was in the middle of my summer vacation and i told him that if he needed me to call me and just let me know cause i was just not in town to be around him... i felt so bad...

but then the weeks went by and suddenly its time to move into school and im like, hey zak when im done with moving do you wanna hang out? and at the tme i was really really busy with orientation and getting used to starting my major and upper level classes of exercise science... the pre req to uhhh physical therapy,,, so you know busy

and he was like “no i have plans you need to give me a better heads up im gonna be busy from now on.” and in my head i was like... wow that was kind of oddly aggressive but im not gonna mind it so i just said “okay ill let you know what my schedules like its been p busy” and he never responded and i forgot to send him my schedule... 

2 weeks later he messages me like “do you remember what 2 weeks ago was?” and im like “no?” and hes like “it was my birthday and you forgot” and that basically just started the whole fucking shit show of shit... 

i asked him to hang out that weekend and he said he was busy when it was actually his birthday... and he didnt tell me... he ... sigh.... he let me fail... and i get it...

i get it i do i get it but ive never once in my life felt like a birthday was more important than 7 years of my life... i dont care for my bday... ... every year my friends remind me of their bday... my other highschool best girl friend always reminds me when we can hang out... its.. i just... i can never forgive him for that!!!

COME ON!!!! ATLEAST TELL ME IVE FORGOTTEN!!! AgAIN!!! YOUVE KNOWN ME FOR 7 YEARS AND NOT ONCE HAVE I REMEMBERED.... not once.... and maybe i couldve done better like put it in my phone... why doesnt anyone suggest things like that instead of waiting for someone else to fail...

and its like... fuck dude!!! he went off and was like “youre always telling me to brush my teeth and use deoderant and shower clean my room and to keep an eye on my spending” and im like DUDE!!!

YOU DONT FUCKING BRUSH YOUR TEETH IM SORRY AS YOUR BEST FRIEND IM TRYIGN TO HELP YOU REMEMBER HYGIENE... WHY DIDNT YOU SAY YOU HATE IT!!! HE HAS NEVER ONCE TOLD ME THAT!!!! i dont fucking want you to get bad teeth!! or to smell bad!! OR TO LIVE DIRTILY I CARE ABOUT YOU!!!! YOU SPENT EVERY FUCKING PAYHECK ON YOUR CAR ACCESSORIES YOU CANT TELL ME THATS GOOD SPENDING!!!

and i KNOW HE HAS ADHD!!! MY DUDE HAD BIG PROBLEMS WITH THIS STUFF AND WHEN I WAS AROUND I HELPED HIM REMEMBER.... and it wasnt fair why didnt he tell me like come on...

and like i know i know i know it was probably because his grandma died he exploded on me... but he never tried to make amends. 

i asked him i asked him my LAST MESSAGE TO HIM... was about how can i fix this problem and can i make it better... what can i do to help.

and nothing... no response. no messsage not even... and attempt to make it up with me....

it wasnt fair it wasnt. fair to me. he was my best friend for 7 years!! i told him everything i ever could my secrets my life... i cared so much about him!! and he wouldnt even GIVE ME THE BENEFIT OF TRYING TO MAKE AMMENDs....

i itried... i tried.......  i wanted to keep trying but he didnt even want to try!!!!

..... and im so fucking sad about it man... 

i couldnt even get the chance to tell him that i was dropping out of school, that i was going to restart everything about my life that week. i spent those first two weeks in school crying my fucking eyes out because i wanted to kill myself so badly. i couldnt even tell him. why i forgot his birthday. why i couldnt make a better effort to try to talk to him. and i just... he didnt even consider what i was going through at the time and it fucking kills me man. i didnt even BOTHER telling him because if he was going to blow up over me forgetting this... he wouldnt care what i was going through. it didnt matter............. and it fucking eats me alive.

...

i think about him alot. ... many things remind me of him every single day.

the fact that i work as a valet driver is one of them. 

zak loved cars. he absolutely LOVED cars and new how to take one apart and put them back together. he was always working on something with his car, whether it was upgrades or fixing it... he was so smart. and now i work with cars. every day. every single day i work with cars and i dirve cars that i know he would love to see or hear about. this is a job he would LOVE. and its a job i have that reminds me of him every single day. 

i wish i still had him, i could learn to drive a stick, i dont know how to drive a stick and never thought i would need to, zak knows how to and he wouldve helped me learn if we were still friends. but were not.

he drove a purple dodge challenger. every FUCKING TIME i see one like it. i think of him. every time. i think of him. in fact im afraid it is him...

he knows where i live and he has a gate key to get into our gated community. i do fear for my life the day he might just fucking show up and ill just... idk actually i think thats just me wishfully thinking he’ll put me in a situation where i can talk to him... but chances are i wont be there because ill be at work... also he wouldnt. he wouldnt show up.... its been a year already. 

he said happy birthday to me... on my birthday, January 8th... he had the audacity to say happy birthday to me, but not to... try to fix our relationship... and i want you to know that i wasnt going to fix it either like that. i said thank you and that was all and had a VERY good night... but why did he do that. just to. stick it to me. he didnt even say anything else...

and now... its... today............... and nothing no sign of him still and ... i knew it would happen... its over its over its over...

this is the defining end... i dont care if he says happy birthday to me .... its over...

... i am so sad

i messed up in way i could never fix and i wasnt even allowed to try to fix it.... it hurts so much to think about.

Imiss him and i will always miss him.

and thats the burden ill have to live with for the rest of my life.

[mahlerlove]

I'm gonna use the empty void in this website because here I don't have any connections to people in my daily life

I have issues concerning socialization. Lots of them.

I was born in Brazil, but moved to the US (California) when I was 2. I was learning Portuguese with my family, but when we moved, I had to basically start over with English. The cultural differences between Brazil and the US are huge, especially concerning a child's development. In Brazil, PDA is the norm. If you are a toddler, it's expected for people to talk to your parents AND you. There are a lot of social cues that are vastly different in either country, and US culture focuses on a very detached interaction between people. The only friends I had were the kids of some friends of my parents, and not only couldn't I communicate with them, but I also got bullied by them.

I was a toddler who didn't speak English, and what little Portuguese I knew was shunned even by the Spanish speaking teachers at every single school I went to. My family would have the police called on them because of PDA and existing as immigrants, and also because they couldn't understand, for example, why giving you preschool teacher a hug was enough reason to get their 3yo expelled. I changed schools about 20 times while we lived in the US. My sister, even though she was born in the US, wouldn't be accepted anywhere because of xenophobia.

We were set to live there for life. My parents had applied for US citizenships, and my father's contract was going to be renewed on October. Then 9/11 happened. In less than two months we had been deported and were back to our old house in Brazil without anything except a styrofoam box where we would try to keep some food while everything was being shipped by boat. We lived almost 2 months like that, while my father tried to get his old job back. It was awful.

My parents tried to enroll me in school, but the thing is: Brazil has a lot of practical jokes, especially between kids. I got expelled in a week because a kid slapped me as a joke and I, due to being raised in such a strong "do not touch anyone" policy, responded by beating them up. I didn't know any Portuguese, English is not used as a second language here, and my parents couldn't teach me anything because they were both struggling with unstable jobs and two kids (5yo me and 2yo sister).

In the US I had learned how to read very quickly, and my parents thought I wouldn't have any issues at school here. I ended up changing school half a dozen times, but finally settled in a school that used a different method. That school was hell. The class teacher would lock me in a closet at the back of the class so that I "wouldn't be a bad influence on the other kids". I got beat up daily, multiple times, by other kids, and more than once got physically assaulted by that teacher herself. She got me expelled two months from finishing first grade.

My parents were out of options. They had nowhere else to go. I still couldn't speak Portuguese well enough, no school would accept me or my sister, and even if I wasn't scared and hurt enough, telling them about the abuse wouldn't amount to anything because the school board would defend their own kids at all costs. I was 6, couldn't and wouldn't talk to anyone, and would pounce on anyone who tried to approach me.

The school that expelled me suggested a school for "special kids", where kids who had neurological, genetic, or developmental issues (sorry if these descriptions is offensive, I'm trying to explain this as best as I can). My parents took that advice and tried to get me enrolled there. The school didn't accept any kids younger than 7, but they went out of their way to help. I spent the three next months ina cupboard under a staircase talking and playing with two teachers who would try to find some time between classes to take care of me until I'd go to some sort of therapy. I still didn't have any friends, but I was finally able to speak Portuguese, and wasn't trying to beat up anyone who dared near me.

The next year I got into a 1st grade class, along with 5 other kids. Things were finally starting to go well. I started getting along with my classmates, but most of the time I'd isolate myself and read books. I wouldn't go out to play at recess, and they banned me from the school library when I refused to socialize. I was scared of playing with anyone because I didn't want to get bullied or hurt any of my classmates. I wouldn't establish any sort of friendship out of fear of someone getting hurt. I started going to boy scout meetings, and those were the only reason I lived for.

Two years later I changed schools again, and my parents hoped that then it would be better for me. When the board of the school I'd been attending explained to them that I would get compromised educationally and mentally, they accepted their recommendation and enrolled me in another school. It was even worse than before. I got bullied in every way possible because of the school I'd come from. I would be called r*tarded, filthy, and other stuff by my classmates, other kids, and staff. The only place I'd been even remotely happy was called a hospice by everyone around me, including other parents and teachers. My teacher would try to keep things under control, but when she got diagnosed with cancer and quit to treat her health, things only went downhill. I had my chest slashed open by one teacher's nails when she grabbed me to scream insults when I tried to defend myself from being beaten by four classmates during her class. It was the first time I planned suicide.

When I turned 10, I went back to the school I'd been expelled from. The first day of school my mother pulled me aside and explained to me that my teacher had threatened the school board to give me a chance in his class. He tried to include me at every time, and did whatever he could to keep me from harm. He was fired at the end of that same year under false pretenses and ridiculous accusations of not following the school's method. I would only speak three times a day: "Good morning teacher." "School was ok.", and "Good night".

I wasn't as lucky with my classmates as I was with him. The daughter of my former teacher at the school (the one who locked me in the closet) was in that class, and she made sure to tell everyone where I'd come from, and used that as an excuse to get everyone around to beat me. I got stabbed with pencils and had my clothes and hair cut with scissors. Again, it was hell. I had no friends, because nobody would come close to me, either due to prejudice, or for fear of getting the short end of the stick for approaching me. When my teacher got fired at the end of the year things got even worse. I had to bring two sets of clothes to school each day because I'd get thrown in a small pond at the back of the school every day, sometimes twice. The only place I could be a bit more free was at my scouts group meetings. I tried suicide for the first time.

The next year things started to change. One kid stood up for me and berated everyone in front of the class. The next day he tried to use that as blackmail to manipulate me into doing his schoolwork, and threatened to beat me up as well. He still beat me up. But his speech had some impact: I started to be left alone. I'd hide in the school library and read for hours on end after school while I waited for my parents to pick me up. Some teachers started helping me with schoolwork and I started to pick myself up.

The next two years steadily got better, but I could never trust anyone enough to call them my friend. The only place I was open enough to talk to people was at scouts meetings, and even so, I wouldn't hold conversations or let friendships develop because every time I tried to open up, I was forced to realize I never learned how to act or talk to people, and would have "weird kid" rubbed on my face.

During that time I went as a junior chaperone to a summer camp. That's where I made my first true friend after my time in the "special kids" school. She and I sat down on a riverbank and started talking about feeling left out. My first true friendship was made over a conversation about wanting to commit suicide. She is my friend to this day.

Highschool wasn't much better. Even if people were treating me well, nobody would stick around too much because of how "weird" I was. I did make some more friends. I came out during that time, and even with my family's support, it wasn't easy. The first three people I fell in love with were gone: The first one died of cancer at 16, the next one had a stroke when we were chasing each other, and lost all her memory, even her own name. The third one was one of best friends, and when she left for college she cut all contact with everyone, and I was brokenhearted and lost.

I chose to study Psychology in college. I studied hard to get accepted in a public university (in Brazil those are the best ones), and I moved 500km (a little over 310 miles) away. I was trying my hardest to start over and have a new life. I chose my course because I believed that some rotten apples don't represent Humanity as a whole, and I didn't want anyone to suffer what I've been through. I chose to be a therapist, teacher, or social worker the day I had my first class in that cupboard under the stairs.

College has given me the best moments of my life: I have friends, I have had relationships, I have finally been invited to parties, but to this day I still struggle with social interactions. I still can't connect with people, and I still get teased and ridiculed for certain mannerisms. I still feel better on my own. I don't think I've ever been loved, and I live with the little voice in the back of my head telling me it's all a farce to humiliate and hurt me even more. I have never felt loved, even by my family. I have never had a genuine connection with any of my partners. I have never felt truly accepted in any clique or group of friends.

I spend most of my time drinking, smoking, and trying to relate to other people in some sort of social setting, when I know it's all a temporary relief for this emptiness and detachment from other people I feel 24/7. Quarantine has been a relief and a curse.

Any type of rejection, any type of joke directed at me, makes me break in a cold sweat and hold back tears. Any type of interaction, whoever it may be with, feels fake and staged. I have no identity. Therapy has never helped me with this, because these therapists are never able to grasp how lonely I've been my whole life. Every single day I grow weary of other people, and I feel that I am a fraud. Every day I hate people a little more, and I hate myself for it, for making the decision to help others, for believing in a lie. I am living a lie told by me to myself.

[prorevenge]

Destroy my childhood, ruin my chance at college, and laugh when I said I was homeless? Lol cool, I'll ruin your life.

Long story. TL;DR at the end.

BACKSTORY: My mother was a really shitty person. I have 4 other siblings. One older sister, 3 way younger, 3 different dads. Before I was born (im a male btw), my oldest sister was taken away from my mother when she was a few months old because she tried to stab/slice the father of my sister WHILE HE WAS HOLDING HER. She lost custody and the dude left her. Older sister goes to live with her fathers family in a different city. CUE LIL OL ME COMING INTO THIS SEXY WORLD. My dad went to jail 2-3 years after I was born for a while, I rarely saw him. He's an alcoholic if that matters. She was a single mother but she made it work and she worked hard. One of the bigger problems was that she took out all her agression and hatred of my father on me as well as work stress and etc. She dealt with sexual abuse growing up which I'm sure definitely affected her relationships and how she treated me as well. Anyways...

Cue me being abused from the age of 4-5 to about 17. Every day was hell. She was extremely strict and her perspective was warped. She was also pretty big in stature and had alot of strength. Examples of her being shitty: I've gotten beaten up badly once because HER room was dirty. The dishes weren't washed and I got beaten soon as I got home, even if there werent dishes when I left to school. If i walked too loud, id get my ass beat. She broke my nose for looking at her the wrong way on my 10th birthday when she brought me a cake I was allergic too(It had peanuts, she knows im slightly allergic but feigned ignorance..) It was more or less every day or every other day. She used her fists/elbows/extension cords/hangers/chairs/canes/bats/etc. Whatever she could find I was getting beaten with. I couldn't ever escape to my room for long because she would always call me every few minutes to get her things or to yell at me. She never drank or did drugs or anything. Whenever she was upset and I happened to be in front of her she'd kick me down the stairs to make me hurry up. She's put a knife to my neck before and had to be forcibly stopped by her bf of the time. Burned my christmas presents from other people (she didnt get me anything that year) and just other really shitty things. The only thing I will say, she tried really hard to make up for it with video games and electronics and etc. It didn't make a difference to me though, it never helped.

She controlled most aspects of my life. I got by with little petty revenges. Peeing in the lipton iced tea she drank. Rubbing her forks and spoons between ny buttcheeks before i served her dinner. Ignoring her screams for help when she had kidney stones (how tf am i supposed to help anyways??) But by the time i got to highschool I turned to alcohol. I resented her and the negative atmosphere affected who I was as a person. I started to be cold and uncaring. Calculated. She started kicking me out every few months telling me to find somewhere else to live by age 15. She sent me away to a different country for a year and tried to keep my passport but I made it back to the US with the help of the embassy and my step father (she'd already left by that time and found some other dude). I came back senior year with no credits for the prior grade which ended with me getting a GED. I spent most of the time i could with my best friend and started working shitty jobs. I was terrible at saving as i had accumulated loads of shitty habits while growing up so it didnt make much difference. She eventually told me that If i went to college, I would ALWAYS have a place to live until I finished. Cue my first 2 semesters at a 2 year college, I maintained a 3.7ish gpa. My teachers loved me and it was my escape. Towards the end of my 2nd semester during finals, i came home late one night around 10pm and my mother yanks the door open screaming in my face asking when I'll move out. I'm slightly drunk and decide to completely ignore her and walk to my room. If I opened my mouth, that day would be the day I blew up and cursed her out. I've rarely ever raised my voice at her because it never ended well. Now at this point im 19 and I've been doing school full time with no savings. Im also fairly fit and could easily take my mom at this point (Never laid a hand on her or any woman, i hate violence). I get to my room, she rips my door open, and starts yelling. I say nothing and stare at her. She walks away and called the police on me saying she thought id murder her and my younger siblings. I don't know where the fuck she got that idea from as she's the one who's nearly killed me many times.

I packed everything into a duffle bag and left 5 minutes afterwards. I failed all of my finals because I couldnt make it to my school. Things kinda spiraled and the next 2-3 years were me on and off homeless. I survived the best I could in a big city with no college degree and made alot of shitty choices due to my shitty habits. Eventually i found a profitable hobby that gave me meaning and through that i started to work my way up. Got my own apartment, had a full time job, and did my hobby on the side. I hadn't kept up contact with my mother at all but my younger sister who was old enough to have a phone found me on social media so i saw photos and such, she didn't have it anywhere near as bad but she did get beaten occasionally. My mother reached out via email all smiles asking how I've been. Now guys, ive always been envious of the relationship most ppl have with their moms so I gave her a chance and gave her a call. We talked for a few minutes and everything was civil and seemed like things would go okay but then...

She asked me what I've been up to the last few years and I told her honestly, that I was homeless for a while and struggled alot after what she did to me but I worked my way out of it. SHE LITERALLY LAUGHS. She laughed for a few seconds in a very condescending kinda chuckle and then said "I never did a thing to you so you don't know what abuse is! its your own damn fault you were homeless. So how about yo-" but by that point I hung up. I was speechless and fuming. I don't know what abuse is? OKAY BITCH. IVE SPENT TOO FUCKING LONG LETTING YOU DESTROY MY SANITY. NOW IS THE TIME.

There was a few things my mother didn't know. One, I knew for a fact that current well paying job she had was gotten on lies as she never got her college degree and lied about it on her resume. Two, I had access to all of her email accounts and cloud storage accounts since I was the one that set them up when I was younger and she never changes her passwords. Lastly, she DEFINITELY wasn't aware that from 13yrs old and onto the last time she hit me I took photos of ALL my bruises/marks/wounds/bloody noses saving them to my computer and then google drive. ON TOP OF THAT, my little sister had been sending me photos via social media of the bruises she got from my mom.

The first thing I did was compile ALL of those photos/videos into one folder. I then reached out to CPS in my city and explained that my siblings were being abused, how I was abused in the past, and that I had mountains of proof. Since ive called the cops on my mother before AND the thing that happened with my older sister, there was immediately a home visit. They arrived almost a day later with the police and coincidentally my mother was literally in the process of beating my younger sister when they were knocking. Cue an Emergency removal of all my siblings from the house and my mother getting arrested though she was released hours later. (I was getting a day to day play by play because my mothers best friend is a blabber mouth and everything my mother said she told her son who relayed it to me without either of their knowledge.) I sent CPS all the evidence and there's a legit case against my mother now. The next day I emailed and then called up her job to inform them that she had lied about having a very necessary college degree as well current events in her life which sparked a background check. She was fired days later. Say adios to 75k and a blacklist in the only industry you know how to work. I then spitefully deleted every cloud account and email address I ever made for her, which was all of them which im sure will make keeping up with alot bills and etc nearly impossible. I then anonymously reported her to the IRS because of the tax fraud she committed for years by claiming people's children that weren't hers with ALOT of detailed information since I lived with her while she did it.

So now, my mother lost all her kids and her job. Im meeting with a caseworker from CPS next week to talk more about what happens moving forward but I do know they're NOT going back. Idk how she's gonna pay her mortgage now and survive. I'm sure she's gonna get a call from the IRS who'll be looking for a few thousand dollars she owes them. She also has to go back to court in a few months, not exactly sure what she was charged with but ill update when I find out how everything turns out.

Side Note: She isn't aware im the cause of any of this. I plan on keeping tabs on her and waiting until it seems like she's close to death before I tell her it was all me and I peed in her lipton.

TL;DR - My mother abuses me badly for most of my life as well as my younger siblings. I have to drop out of college and support myself after she drove me to homelessness. She proceeds to laugh at me about me being homeless and denys abuse. So I ruined her life by getting my younger siblings removed and her arrested, making her lose her job, reported her to the IRS, and essentially set her up so that the remainder of her life is full of disaster and hardships.

(source) (story by howbout_that_lipton)

[reddieandgoodnight]

Can we get a part two? for #12, when they broke up in highschool but came back. (Reddie)

Yes, anon, you may! Sorry for the wait on this! Hope you like it! :)

 Tried to tag everyone who asked me about a sequel. I’m sorry if I missed anyone! @constantreaderfool, @girasol-eddie, @tinyarmedtrex, @anellope, @wiersel, @roobarrtrashmouth

Part 2 of this 

Eddie gazes down at his hands, clutched together on top of the table. He feels more than sees Richie sitting across from him — Richie’s presence has always been huge to him, taking up space in the air in a way no one else ever has.

They’re sitting in the back room of the coffee shop at the table where the baristas take their breaks. Eddie knows he could have asked Richie to come over to his house, but…that felt too personal, too much after all these years — no matter how many times Richie had been in that same house before.

Richie hadn’t batted an eye when Eddie steered him into the back room, so maybe he had the same thoughts — or was at least aware enough of how vulnerable Eddie felt with having Richie suddenly show up like this after no calls, no emails, no nothing after ten years.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about what to say to you for so long,” Richie says after a few minutes. Then stops.

“I’ve thought about it, too,” Eddie admits quietly.

“Eddie, I’m really sorry,” Richie continues, toying with a ring on one of his fingers. “I know I already said that…but I can’t say it enough.”

Eddie gives a small nod. “I guess I just…still don’t understand. I thought…” He sighs. “I thought we were happy. I thought you were happy. But…I guess you weren’t.”

“I was happy,” Richie says.

Eddie can’t stop a snort from escaping him. “Right. So happy, you broke up with me and then didn’t talk to me for ten years.”

Richie looks chastened by that. He lets out a breath, laying his hands flat on the table across from Eddie. “I promise, Eds — Eddie.” He corrects himself quickly. “When I said it wasn’t you, I meant it.”

“Then what was it?” Eddie asks, hating the heaviness rising in his heart. He’s asked himself this question so many times, wondering what he could have done, what he could have said to make Richie stay. 

And he’s imagined so many different answers, he’s almost afraid to hear what Richie has to say. “I just… I don’t understand,” he whispers.

Richie’s eyes close, brows drawn low. “You got that psychology scholarship.”

“I thought that was a good thing?” Eddie says, the statement coming out as a question laced with the confusion rising inside him.

“It was a fucking amazing thing,” Richie agrees earnestly. “You were the youngest person to get it. But I just…” He trails off, hesitating for so long, Eddie hears the clock strike eight behind them.

“You worked so hard to get into NYU,” Richie finally continues. “You were busting your ass every single day. And then you got that scholarship — which you deserved so fucking much. You were finally getting out of here, out of Derry. Away from your bitch of a mom. And I just… I couldn’t match that.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Eddie says, bewildered.

“Look, you were going places. Have gone places.” Richie stops, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t want to hold you back. It was better for you to…focus on what you were doing.”

Eddie gapes at Richie. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Eds —”

“No!” Eddie snaps, pushing away from the table and jumping to his feet. “You broke up with me because you — what? You thought you were helping me? Or something? What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” He takes a few deep breaths, hating the angry tears pricking at his eyes. “Well, I hope you’re happy. Because you fucking wrecked me, you asshole.”

Richie stares up at Eddie with wide eyes, but he says nothing as Eddie rages on.

“Do you think I was happy and perfectly able to focus on my work when I went to school? No! Because I was thinking about you, you absolute idiot!”

Richie jerks back at Eddie’s words.

“That just isn’t fair, Rich,” Eddie says, voice getting a bit wobbly. “That’s just… That’s not fair. I thought…” His voice drops to a whisper as a few stray tears run down his cheeks. “I thought you hated me.”

“Eddie, no,” Richie murmurs, standing and looking like he’s about to reach out to Eddie.

But Eddie wraps his arms around himself, utterly miserable as he takes a step back. He doesn’t think he can take Richie touching him, not if he doesn’t want to break into a million pieces.

“What else was I supposed to think?” Eddie asks, wiping at his cheeks with shaking hands. “You broke up with me out of fucking nowhere. Richie, I… I loved you.”

Tears are welling in Richie’s eyes. “I loved you, too.”

“Jesus, Richie,” Eddie murmurs, letting out a short laugh that isn’t really laugh at all. “You’re the one who made me realize I was even gay. I gave my virginity to you. All the first times — you got every one of them. How could you even think I wouldn’t want you right next to me?”

“Because I’m fucking stupid,” Richie mutters, voice breaking.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about any of this?’ Eddie says, shaking his head. “You just fucking left me standing in the road. And then you went to California and you — You never even picked up a goddamn phone.”

“I didn’t have your number,” Richie whispers.

Eddie scoffs. “Seriously, Rich? Any of our friends would have given to you. Even Bill — and he said you could go to hell.”

Richie’s lips turn up just a little at that. “That’s fair.” A pause. “I wanted to call you, so many times. But I was afraid you wouldn’t want to talk to me — and why would you? And then so much time went by… I thought it was better to leave you alone. Let you get on with your life.”

“Then why did you come back now?” Eddie murmurs. “Was it really for the album?”

Richie looks at him, and Eddie thinks he can fall right into those brown eyes.

“There’s no album,” Richie says.

Eddie blinks. “…what?”

“The band is taking a break. And they all got sick of me…whining about this boy I used to know. Told me to do something about it. And I finally decided to listen.”

Eddie’s eyes widen. “Listening isn’t your strong point,” he blurts without thinking.

He doesn’t step back this time when Richie tentatively moves closer to him.

“I really fucked up,” Richie continues, voice low. “And I don’t… I don’t expect you to forgive me. I really don’t. But I… I’d like to try to maybe fix things, at least a little bit. If I can.”

Eddie lets out a slow exhale as Richie reaches out and gently takes Eddie’s hands in his, hold loose enough that Eddie could easily escape.

He can’t help but think about how long it’s been since he’s felt Richie’s hands in his — the hands he used to hold every day. They’re still a little bigger than Eddie’s, long-fingered and warm.

Eddie finds his fingers tightening around Richie’s.

And Richie’s do the same in return.

It’s quiet for several moments outside of their breathing. But…it isn’t a bad silence.

“It’s…it’s been a long time,” Eddie says at length. “I’m not the same person I was when I graduated high school. And I know you aren’t, either.”

“No,” Richie agrees. “And I know I don’t deserve it, but… I’d like to get to know Eddie Kaspbrak again. If he’ll let me.” He gives Eddie the tiniest, timid smile.

Eddie lets out a trembling breath, heart beating so fast, he wonders if Richie can hear it.

All the horrid pain Richie caused him is still there, buried deep inside him, clawing at him whenever he draws too near to old memories. And having Richie in front of him now, asking for another chance, hasn’t taken it away — hasn’t removed all the nights he spent sobbing into his pillow, wondering what he did to make Richie not want him anymore. Nights spent realizing that heartbreak isn’t just a word — it’s something that destroys you from the inside out, leaving you with the taste of ash in your mouth and a loneliness so deep, it burns.

But now…it feels like maybe those things can maybe go away someday. Maybe he can heal, just a little.

“Okay,” he whispers.

And oh, it seems his battered heart hasn’t completely forgotten that feeling of lightness Richie’s answering smiles always used to give him.

“Um, do you want to go back to my house?” he asks softly. “To…talk?”

“I’d like that,” Richie says.

And when Richie slowly and very tentatively presses the softest kiss to the corner of Eddie’s mouth, Eddie doesn’t pull away.

He still hasn’t forgiven Richie. Isn’t ready to jump headfirst into…whatever this is. Not yet. But even so…

Richie’s lips against his skin still feel like home.

[squishyocalum]

Never {One}

This school makes me physically sick. Seriously, how is it that people enjoy coming to school? I remember when little old freshman Nathalia walked her ass into those front doors with her earbuds in and a wide grin on her face; now, entering my senior year, Calum and the boys are the only things that make this school bearable. However, today was only enrolment day - thank god - meaning in a small time frame of thirty minutes I would be over at Calums house with the other boys setting up the biggest end of summer party the group had ever thrown. I walked past this thick group of juniors and one of them moved to walk next to me before they started speaking.

“So where are the guys?” The girl asked “My mom said they haven’t enrolled yet so I figured they dropped-”

“They’re enrolling tomorrow, so stop being a nosey bitch, Audrey.”

Audrey Williams was the principal’s daughter, let’s just say she spent more time in other people’s business than she spent actually making friends.

“No need to be fucking rude about it.” She scoffed standing behind me with her arms crossed over her chest as I walked through the front doors fleeing the campus for the next three weeks. I looked back smiling at the annoyed look plastered of the girls face.

I know you may think that that was mean, or I should’ve went easy on her but allow me to give you some insight.

When I came here for freshman year I obviously didn’t have any friends, I mean I moved here from hours away of course I didn’t know anyone. I had this boyfriend before I left who quite literally broke my heart; I was a complete mess. About a week into the school year, however, I met Calum who very promptly took me under his wing. He introduced me to his friends and I guess they must have enjoyed my presence because in less than five months we started hanging out like we had all known each other our whole lives. Despite the fact that I loved hanging out with them my dad wasn’t too fond of them, but considering he met Calum while he was putting him in the back of his cop car I’m not surprised. Being as young as I was I went against my dad’s rules, obviously, and started sneaking around to hang out with them. Everything was fine, I had four amazing - slightly delinquent - best friends, and we had a great freshman year. We became sophomores though and when it came to light that I was still hanging out with them rumors started flying.

Audreys bitch ass is the one who started them. According to Luke she asked Michael out and he turned her down because we were all going to the movies that night; he told her they could try another night and this bit- female. This female. Got so angry about it that she decided to tell as many people as possible that I sleep with all four of the guys and that’s why they keep me around.

I would have broken her fucking back had I not been pulled off of her, lets leave it at that.

Calum was sitting in his car at the edge of the parking lot waiting on me to get finished, when I walked up to the car he peeled his eyes from his phone and smiled up at me.

“How’d it go?” He asked when I slid into the seat.

“I saw Audrey, she asked about you guys.”

“And you said?”

“I told her to stop being a nosey bitch.”

He laughed lightly before speeding out of the parking lot with his hand naturally resting on my thigh.

=============

“Oh come on, Thalia, one game.” Michael begged me grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the living room. My mind was already getting fuzzy and the peer pressure that these idiots put me through wasn’t helping.

“Mikey, we’re about to be seniors in highschool, can’t we just drink and have fun?”

Every single time we throw a party Michael drags us into a game of truth or dare, the guys love it because I mean they’re guys; I on the other hand, hate it.

“Calum’s playing though.” He taunted wiggling his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes at him and snatched my hand away taking it upon myself to walk to the living room where the others were sitting.

“Thalia!” Calum called out motioning me towards him. I couldn’t help but smile at the goofy smile plastered on his face. I couldn’t help but think about how I met him, my dad worked for the sheriff’s office and the very first person that was pushed through those doors in handcuffs was the one and only Calum Hood. It wasn’t for anything terrible, just a fight that the other person caused but that didn’t change my dad’s outlook on him; he hates him.

Tragic, I suppose, that him and his best friends are my only friends.

“Hey Cal.” I smiled holding my cup firmly in my hand as I sat next to him. I put the edge of my cup to my lips and tipped it back finishing off the last of the liquor. I flung my legs over Calum’s lap and let my back rest against the arm of the couch. He placed his large hand on my thigh, per usual, and we settled in for the game. The group consisted of Clalum, Luke, Ashton, Michael, and I. We don’t really hang out with anyone else, but with games like these we don’t really have a choice; so now Harry, Niall, Liam, Becca, and Brittany sat in our circle ready to play.

“Okay, who wants to start?” Ashton spoke up, the music and chatter in the background drowning his voice out. Becca raised her hand and all of our attention was given to her.

“Luke, truth or dare.” She asked proudly leaning back on Harry’s chest. There was a smirk playing on Harry’s lips as he ran his fingertips up her caramel skin. Luke shifted uneasily in his seat obviously annoyed that he was being forced to kick the game off.

“Truth, I guess.” He mumbled.

“Is it true that you finish fast?” Harry asked for the girl, Luke laughed loudly leaning forward to grab the whiskey bottle before downing a shot.

“I don’t know, Harry, ask Becca if two hours wasn’t long enough.”

Laughter fell over the group and Becca just rolled her eyes.

It’s not our fault you slept with him and he didn’t want to be with you afterwards. Grow up.

“Moving along swiftly,” Luke spoke through small spurts of laughter “Calum - truth or dare.”

“Dare.” He slurred gripping onto my thigh so he could steady himself.

“I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

Giggling softly I moved to place my feet on the ground but Calum’s hands gripped onto my waist pulling me to sit in his lap.

Like I said before, my mind is in a dazed state so initially I think it’s a joke so I laugh in his face and try to wiggle out of his grip.

“Calum, what are you-” He cut me off by pulling my face to his and roughly attaching his lips to mine. I don’t know if it was the alcohol, or the fact that I felt safe in this position, but I relaxed into his touch and let my lips move against his. The background noise seemed to grow quieter and the only thing my mind could comprehend was the pounding in my chest.

“Okay, Jesus he said kiss, not fuck on the couch.” Brittany scoffed pulling us from our daydream. I looked at him for a second before pushing his hands away from my sides and jumping back to my spot on the couch. I didn’t put my legs back on him, instead I crossed them and leaned into the arm of the couch, when he reached for my thigh the way he always does I swatted his hand away. The pit of my stomach was churning and for some reason all I wanted to do was go home and cry. Everyone looked completely shocked, Brittanys face was twisted in anger, and all the feelings of heartbreak were bubbling back into my mind. I felt safe with Calum, yes, but he knows how I feel about being touched in any sexual way when I’m drunk.

Call me dramatic all you want, but I feel slightly betrayed right now.

The game continued for twenty more minutes before I got up after refusing to participate for the past few rounds. It was obvious Calum followed me, I could hear him, but there was no way in hell that I was going to turn around and talk about this right now. I pushed my way out of the house and sprinted down the sidewalk. My house was only a block away, meaning my music, my shower, and my bed were only a block away.

Memories of my eighth grade year were flooding my mind, all I could see was his face. The stupid smile on his fucking face. The stupid fucking reason that I moved all this way. I looked up to see what street I was on and realized very quickly that I had no idea where I was. With shaky hands I pulled my phone out finding my father’s number and clicking it.

He answered with a groggy ‘Hello’ within the first three rings. Knowing dad he stayed up to make sure I got home safe and then fell asleep on the couch.

“Dad, can you come pick me up - I - I’m drunk and-” I was cut off for the second time tonight but a lump in my throat. My emotions were starting to catch up to me.

“Sweetheart calm down, I’ll be there in a few minutes. Sit down somewhere.” He spoke calmly but even I wasn’t drunk enough to think I wasn’t going to get a full lecture over this in the morning.

“Nathalia.” A breathless voice spoke behind me. When I turned around I was met with Calums bloodshot brown eyes.

“I’m not mad, Cal, I just-”

“I scared you. I understand that but I’m not him - I wouldn’t do that-”

“Calum you fucking kissed me! I mean jesus fucking christ you kissed me while I was drunk. You know how I feel about that.”

“Yes, yeah I do, I don’t know what happened. I just care about you Thalia. Why can’t you see that?” He stepped closer to me pulling me into him.

“I’m scared, Cal.” I whispered, letting a few stray tears flow down my face, he placed his hands on my back rubbing gently.

“Why?”

“Because I like you, I’ve liked you for so long; and everyone I like, or care about either hurts me or leaves.” The words left my mouth before I had the chance to stop them, and after they hit him I couldn’t tell if I regretted them or if I was glad I finally said it.

He pulled away grabbing ahold of my shoulders and looking me in the eyes.

“Nathalia Rose Baker I will never in my life, hurt you. If you gave me the chance I would never leave you. Trust me, Thalia, please just trust me.”

I looked up at him now, thoughts were swirling in my head. I knew this boy, I cared for this boy. I trust this boy.

Before I could respond to him a pair of bright headlights hit the two of us and I remembered that I called my dad.

“Calum you have to hide. You need to go, now.”

“What? Thalia-” I kissed him then, pulling him behind a large oak tree just big enough to hide the two of us. I don’t know why, quite frankly my whole mind was in shambles but I know one thing; no matter how scary or confusing it is I felt safe in his arms.

“Just go hide okay? My dads coming to get me and if he sees you Calum I won’t be allowed to leave the house for the rest of the year.”

The effect that the liquor had on me was slowly wearing off - stress I suppose. He had his hands placed loosely on my waist and suddenly I wished I hadn’t called my father, I just wanted to stay with Calum.

Slow down there pal. My subconscious mocked me You can like him, but be careful.

“Come over tomorrow. My parents are out of town, we can talk.”

“Okay yeah, yeah I’ll be there just go.”

He smiled down at me and pecked a quick kiss on my lips before shoving me out from behind the tree to reveal my dads car just beginning to park. I sighed and staggered over to him hoping desperately that he would just let me sleep this off.

“So this is what summer study group looks like?”

“Yes, dad. We drank a little because we were stressed. I called you though, didn’t I?”

He sighed at my statement and helped me to the car, once I was in and buckled up he couldn’t help but laugh while he restarted the car.

“The only reason I plan on letting this slide is because you look like you just got hit with a sock full of butter.”

“What?” I laughed nervously “I’m not grounded?”

“No, what kind of a parent would I be if I conditioned you your whole life to call me in these situations and then when you finally do I punish you for it?”

I smiled to myself and let my head rest on the window, as my dad pulled away I looked out to see Calum leaning cooly against the tree. There was a feeling lingering in the pit of my stomach and I couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or straight fear, but whatever it is I hope it doesn’t always feel like this.