#they might be adults but they are human too
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The coast being clear did not bring Theo all that much courage, he was very scared of Cecil and he didn't know what it was he would do to him if he found him in his room. He was quite sure the older man would use it as an excuse and who knew what might happen from there. Part of him thought about just leaving and letting the monster deal with Cecil but he also didn't want anyone else to be killed. The people on the ward were terrifying but by his understanding they were also just sick and in need of help.
Theo's eyes instantly found the strange red half glowing thing in the corner of the room. It's horrible form, it's teeth. He quickly covered his own mouth to stop himself from screaming but he stared at the monster in shock and horror. There right in front of him was his proof that monsters were real, that he had not killed those cows! Theo moved his hand enough to whisper, "rabbit shoes," as confirmation that he could see it and he hoped that she would say it back, though it was clear that she could see it too as she pointed out that she thought it was asleep. He took a moment to register her hand in his and gave a short squeeze in return before drawing in a quiet breath.
They had to be brave! They needed to do this! Theo gathered up his blanket again, as quietly as he could and spread it out wide, checking with Mauve that it was the right thing to do and that she was ready to strike with her knife once the blanket was over the creature. Theo believed they could wrap it in the blanket and tangle it, it had so many tentacles that it seemed almost like it would be easy. Never mind that the monster had taken down two adults already and was apparently full of human blood!
𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎 & 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 @multipleoccupancy
Violet did not share Theo's doubts about killing the monster. To her, it was a no-brainer. Whatever it was, it had killed two people already. It had to be stopped. And while she knew that some monsters could be somewhat tamed and used as livestock in another timeline, it wasn't the case here.
She stopped right in her tracks. Cecil's room. Violet glanced behind her shoulder, but Cecil didn't seem to be anywhere near his cell. "The coast is clear," she whispered, "but we'll have to be careful." Who knew what Cecil would do if he found them in his room?
The fact that the monster was even in Cecil's room troubled her. Was this just a coincidence? The monster had killed the man Cecil had attacked, and now he hid in his room. Could Cecil be the monster? No. That was impossible, right?
Inside, the cell was pretty much like any other cell in the ward, save for the trail of blood on the white linoleum, and at the end of it, the bizarre, floating shape that seemed to be sleeping in a corner. It looked like a big, red jellyfish, with a bulbous head that pulsated slowly, filled with what she assumed was the orderly's blood. Dozens of tentacles were dripping from its body, all ending with four little teeth. But that was nothing compared to the teeth inside the beast's mouth. Endless rows of them in an agape, circular maw. Like a hole filled with spikes.
"I think- I think it's asleep," she whispered. The thing was not moving at all, but its big, globular head was gleaming with a soft red light that flickered slowly, almost like the light was breathing. Ignoring the 'no touching' rule, Violet grabbed Theo's hand. To give him some courage. And to give herself a little bit of courage too.
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ep 24 commentary (brain fried edition)
my head is a little empty after ep 24 tbh!! brain is not braining after all the zyc hurt no comfort (-:
some scattered thoughts here and there, painstakingly corralled like cats out of my vacuous brain and into a list (spoilers):
ZYZ is really emo this episode poor dude like he is having a hard time keeping it together it seems. Every other word out of his mouth is depressing as shit, which is saying a lot considering how depressing he usually is already (': I kind of wanted this episode to pick his brain more, give him room to emote in the aftermath of all that. But it almost feels like the character refuses to be alone, like he might spiral if he has too much time to get in his own head. I'm still so curious to know, though, what he thinks about the state of their promise in light of how far ZYC went trying to save him. “He has us,” ZYZ said to WX. When the time comes, I wonder how he'll reconcile that with what he’s asked of ZYC.
PSJ and Ying Lei bonding! shenanigans! I did laugh thank you guys. Also, not that the team didn't operate separately before, but I really get a sense of how much ZYC held things together with how apparent his absence is. It's obvs heartwarming seeing how hard everyone is working to save him (PSJ especially for me bc I love their mutual tacit trust and respect and all the ways they're alike and different), but ultimately it's still so angsty (':
Kind of love the couple instances where ZYC has been referred to as fragile/weak/of delicate constitution (depending on how you wanna translate it) like that's a very interesting quality to assign to basically the tank of your team. Even if the comments are made facetiously, it just reminds me of how often we witness his mortality, and of course how everything about the styling, aesthetics, and content of the flashbacks to his childhood reinforce a characterization of vulnerability at the very heart of him. I saw someone mention how the Cloud Light Sword responded to ZYC's tears and to that vulnerability rather than brute strength, and I totally agree. I love how this "fragile" characterization plays into the whole fate weapon deal. ZYC's strength is (imo) unconventional, and it is his sensitivity, his compassion, and his deep capacity to feel that the sword acknowledges, resonates with, and empowers. Almost like it protects his tender heart rather than making it something he needs to overcome to get stronger.
One thing I will never get over is how incredibly they styled TJR as baby!Yichen, adult ZYC, and Bingyi. What do you mean this is all from one drama and not three separate productions. Insane. I'm out of my mind with how gorgeous every change in costuming is.
A tangential note is I've seen people mention (paraphrasing very much here) ZYZ's demon form being nicely subtle in its eerie inhumanity and tbh I have a similar feeling even just about human adult ZYC imo. Especially when his hair is down and he's got that thick eyeliner on and we get a close up of his contacts, if you told me from the start that he's half-demon half-human or something I'd believe it. Along the same vein, baby!Yichen reads completely human to me, and Bingyi of course completely demon. Something something the Cloud Light Sword bridges the gap something. This point is unintelligible and not narratively based but I had to make it because I've been thinking "wow ZYC elven" for days now.
Saw a tag about yuanyi getting us through some dark times but man they are PUTTING me through some dark times rn help?/
Been trying to put off talking about the baby Yichen scenes because wow I cried immediately. Well, no, I was like "yay! I love seeing baby Yichen!" and then they crushed me into demon dust lol. And then WX had to tell that absolutely precious story about when she got sick and ZYZ had to go like "actually ZYC was probably lonely as fuck" and yeah that's fine I didn't need my heart anyway.
Ending on this point so I can put a pretty screencap here: There is so much gravity to just the short scene of Bingyi removing his mask and dropping to his knees with that anguished and fatigued expression. TJR's acting is the gift that keeps on giving (me angst).
so sorry if anything here didn't make sense, i currently have the same thousand-mile-stare as Bingyi the more i think about how this all might end and how long I'm gonna have to wait to find out.
#fangs of fortune spoilers#fangs of fortune#sorry this is late!#i started writing this after i watched the ep this morning but then i spent the whole day showing my partner the first six eps#zhuo yichen#tian jiarui#episode commentary#meta
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Hcs about Marshal Ezra pleasepleaseplease
do they count as hcs if it is my character? anyway here are some fun facts, below the cut because the list got long because i love this man:
isaiah caused some awkwardness when he discovered that red hair was technically a mutation - his brief one-man crusade against the unfortunate ginger serfs only ended when marshal ezra shared a very rare pict of him in his youth, with gorgeous auburn hair. isaiah never thought to ask why ezra now had salt and pepper hair - thus meaning that ezra did not have to disclose that he used to dye his hair, because the ladies loved a redhead
speak of: yeah, you heard that. marshal ezra is too old for this sort of nonsense now, but he knows first hand that space marines are not sterile. he has five adult children. fourteen grandchildren. two great-grandchildren. none of them have been officially claimed as his offspring, but they have their suspicions, mainly because despite having five different mothers they all have the same hard jawline and steely grey eyes. his genes do not fuck about.
yes, five children with five mortal women. he was doing his duty and serving the emperor by taking care of the needs of the civilian populace. by attending to their widows. and one time with a woman who was already married to a planetary governor. that one did cause some problems, but that was a long time ago.
despite what you might think, the mothers of his children all get along very well. they may come from different backgrounds but they all share the same qualities — steely-spined, clever, devout-but-sensible. they have a book club and compare notes.
despite the fact that isaiah really really annoys him, he respects the boy tremendously — he sees a lot of potential in him. however, he thinks that reuben is a far better candidate for being marshal one day, since reuben has at least a passing knowledge of how humans work.
he firmly believes that the emperor has sent him on a holy journey. he does not see this belief as clashing with his frequent habit of having conveniently timed revelations from the emperor, depending on whatever he thinks is the best course of action of the time. the way he see it, if the emperor objected to him occasionally fabricating a vision, the emperor would strike him down where he stood. he considers his continued success as all the proof he needs of the emperor’s favour.
he really does not get along with the inquisition. inquisitors assigned to his crusade have a nasty habit of vanishing somewhere, or turning out to be heretics. he encourages the local inquisition to send their best and brightest though, and makes a big show of being eager to work alongside them. the more experienced ones are learning to be cautious of him, even if they can’t officially say why.
he is not a blank himself, but he’s fairly certain he carries a dormant version of the pariah gene, given his own unusual ability to withstand psyker attacks. that and the fact that five of the fourteen grandchildren have turned out to be nulls of one kind or another. two of them are sisters of silence, another two work in the administratum (enjoying the fact that most of their colleagues do not like coming near them, thus making them incredibly and unusually efficient), and the last is the attendant of a commissar. the last one is always welcomed at the family reunions, even if they do encourage him to stand by a window, since the smell is a little bit much. no one is entirely sure where the smell comes from. it just seems to manifest.
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Gravity Falls: For Your Own Good, Ch. 10
Summary: A few years after moving to Gravity Falls and having his lab built, Stanford Pines happens upon his estranged twin brother, Stanley. He mentally prepared himself to be suffocated by his brothers neediness all over again - what he wasn't prepared for was Stanley walking right past him like he didn't even notice him.
Rating: M for language, violence, and adult implications
Preface: Dialogue only, but some actions will be annotated for clarity. Cross-Posted on AO3 Here
WARNING: This is a long chapter
First - Prev - Next
Ch.10
“Do you remember how you came to Gravity Falls in the first place?”
“I was just passing by.”
“Yes, but this town is isolated, and you have no means of transportation.”
“Trainhopping, I was hiding on a train for two days I think, maybe three? Decided to jump off here.”
“Do you know why you decided to do that here, and not anywhere else?”
“...”
“Stan?”
“It’s funny, specs - a couple months back, I’d already been with my pal Rick for a while, right? Just one heist, escapade, or criminal venture after another, for seven months straight. And it was great while it lasted, but then he asked me if I wanted to stay with him in another dim- someplace far away. And I wanted to, ya know? There’s always been this itch in the back of my mind that I wanted to go around the world on some grand adventure, and he was offering that to me on a silver platter. But I told him no.”
“And why was that, Stan?”
“...It’s stupid.”
“I wouldn’t call any of your reasoning stupid, I’m not here to judge you.”
“...I always wanted to go on an adventure- but something was missing. It’s like- I dunno if it’s intuition or some spiritual mumbo jumbo, it’s like I’m looking for something. But I don’t know what I’m looking for.”
“Do you have an idea what it could be?”
“A part of… me? I’m missing something. Not just my memories- but something else. I think I might have made a promise, I just… don’t remember what it was, or who I promised to. I guess I’ve been drifting around trying to find it.”
“And you felt it was in Gravity Falls?”
“I don’t… I don’t know. There’s something weird here… I just wanted to check this place out, is all.”
“I see. What did you say your relationship with this Rick was like?”
“You don’t need to be jealous, F. We were just friends. Okay, maybe we were kind of an item for a week at most, but that guy isn’t just self-destructive; he’s like a train that wrecks onto a freeway, he can never just destroy himself, he has to wreck the people around him too and create an absolute shit show. Even I have a limit with that shit.”
“You really need to stop putting yourself down like that, Stan. You only ever seem to say negative things about yourself, it ain’t good for you.”
“There isn’t anything good to say, stretch.”
“Don’t sell yourself one egg short of a basket, now. Y’know, your-. Uh, Stanford was telling me that you’re quite clever. He used a trick to get you down here in the first place, but he also said that he wouldn’t be able to trick you again.”
“I should have seen his fake-out coming… I’ll give it to him, it was a good one. But I’m not going to underestimate him, because crazy like his should never be underestimated. What’s he up to anyways? He went to that room that’s always locked.”
“That’s his private study. I believe he goes there when he wants to be alone.”
“...Didn’t he live by himself? Why did he already have that?”
“Can’t say, maybe it’s a quiet and calm space for him.”
(...)
“HE HAS RISEN BABY GIRL.”
“Bill, please stop calling me that. It’s unprofessional.”
“Come on Sixer, at least let the Goo Goo Dolls soundtrack play.”
“The what?”
“Ooop! My bad, it’s not 1998 or 2024 yet. How can I help you today, Fordsy? You haven’t called me in a few weeks.”
“There’s a mindscape I need to access.”
“Oh boy, it’s not usually you who wants to poke around other humans' brains, always prattling on about ethics and consent. What’s the occasion?”
“...You know everything I know when we’re in the mindscape, you already know the answer.”
“Yes, but I still want you to say it out loud. Clearly and concisely, so your dialogue can be read on screen.”
“... I need to get into the mind of my brother, Stanley. He has amnesia, and our leading theory is that it’s due to psychological trauma. But he has been through so much trauma we’re having trouble isolating the definitive event that would have started this.”
“And why wouldn’t he just share that with his beloved twin brother?”
“He does not remember me.”
“Oooh, then he is just like you! Isn't it just precious when twins are twinning?”
“I never forgot about him.”
“Oh Sixer… You might as well have.”
“Just take me to his mind, Cipher… Please.”
“Anything for you, baby boy!”
SNAP
(...)
“So your memories are only clear to a certain point?”
“Yeah. Rick found me wandering around the woods in a ‘catatonic state’, and snapped me out of it. Everything before that… I can remember being on the street, I can remember all the stuff I did, maybe out to a decade? But there’s a lot of holes, lotsa different names I used. And before the streets? Nothing.”
“And when did Rick find you in the woods?”
“What month is it?”
“June.”
“Last May - so about 13 months?”
(...)
“Okay Fordsy he hasn’t made a deal with me so we can’t go too deep, or his mental defenses are just gonna shove us out.”
“Bill, I already know that, why are you explaining it to me?”
“You know; doesn’t mean they know. Unless this is a re-read. In which case; welcome back. Glad you loved or hated it the first time.”
“You are… Beyond comprehension, Bill Cipher.”
“That’s what you love about me though.”
“You have my begrudging, professional respect.”
“From your aspec ass, that’s practically love.”
“Aspe-”
“Oooh! Lookie here, a memory door opened up. He must be opening up to someone right now. Let's barge in haphazardly.”
(...)
“Okay Stan, this might be difficult. But if you ever feel distressed, let me know and we can try grounding techniques okay?’
“You got it, F.”
“Now close your eyes, think back to when you and Rick parted ways.”
(...)
“Sanchez?! How does Stan know-.”
“You know this hilarious crossover character? I already know the answer, but for no particular reason I need you to tell me out loud how you know him.”
“His wife Diane was part one of my PhD programs. She was always so bright and pleasant, but her husband was a nightmare when she brought him around. He was always saying that school wasn’t for smart people, and rubbed his inventions and intelligence in our face.”
“And how is she these days?”
“She passed away from a garage fire a few years ago, her and her little girl. I almost sent him a condolences, but he was such an unpleasant asshole I could not make myself do so.”
“Come on Stan- think about it! You, me, Bird Person, Squanchy- sci-fi adventures, drugs, bitches. Whattaya say? Let’s ditch this dimension, there isn’t anything for us here anymore.”
“Dimension-?”
“Shh, Fordsy, just let it play out.”
“I… I can’t Rick.”
“Why not?”
“There’s… something here.”
“Did you remember something?”
“I don’t remember who, but I think I’m looking for someone.”
“Stanny-Boy, we’ve been through this before. No one knows you, everywhere we’ve been, ‘cept for the fake names. You should just cut your losses.”
“Wherever we go, we go together.”
“What was that-?”
“Just the distorted voice of his subconscious. It’s probably not important.”
“I’m sorry. But there’s a piece of me missing, and I think it’s still here in this dimension somewhere.”
“You know your credits don’t have monetary value here.”
“I know.”
“And I can’t leave you a space cruiser. You’ll have to walk or steal a car.”
“Either is fine. I’ve done it before.”
“Stan… Are you sure?”
“Here. Take all my credits, you’ll get more out of it than me.”
“You want your dusters back?”
“Trade me.”
“Wait, you don’t want your transdimensional watch anymore?”
“If the pigs catch me, I don’t need them asking too many questions.”
“You know that doesn’t just give you dimensional coordinates and time zones, right? There’s a pulse wave in it that can shatter force fields.”
“Pft, what are the chances I’d ever need that?”
“Ooof, he really fumbled the bag there.”
“My muse, please.”
*Rick takes the watch and gives Stan a pair of brass knuckles*
“Thanks Rick… Hey, it was nice while it lasted.”
“Hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“I hope you find that bastard, Prime. Give him the hell he deserves.”
“...Stan?”
“Yeah?”
“Fuck you.”
“I’ll miss you too, pal.”
(...)
“Alright, how are you feeling Stan?”
“So far so good.”
“Okay, now let’s go further back. You said your first clear memory is when you met him, let’s go back to that.”
“I was in the back of his shi- iiitty car, I felt like I’d just smoked an entire carton of cigarettes, but in a bad way..”
(...)
“It just- stopped?”
“He’s remembering something else. Just look for another door.”
“Here we go.”
“Wha- where…?”
“Oh hey you’re awake.”
“-’re, you?”
“You’re one tough son of a bitch, y’know? Most of the people I tase end up dead, but you just passed out.”
“You… tased me? Are you a cop?”
“Hell no. I tased you because you attacked me in the woods. Damn near ripped my head off.”
“The woods..?”
“You were wandering around in a catatonic state, can’t tell you how long.”
“A what state?”
“This isn’t going anywhere. Can you tell me your name?”
“It’s…? I... Malone. Wait. It’s- Stan.”
“Stan Malone huh? My name’s Rick Sanchez.”
(...)
“Stan keep your eyes closed. I want you to try to remember what happened before this.”
“Alright…”
“What’s something you can remember? Something you saw, felt, heard?”
“My chest felt really tight…”
(...)
“What is this?”
“Ahh. A pit memory. This is something his brain wants to forget, but can’t permanently delete.”
“So it is a repressed memory?”
“Yes. He’s trying to think about it… but unconsciously, he really doesn’t want to.”
“What happens if we jump in?”
“Sixer, where's your sense of adventure? If it gets too dangerous I’ll just pull us out.”
“Do you swear?”
“Just gimme the word.”
“Which word?”
“Let’s go with ‘defenestrate’ this time.”
‘W̷̷H̷̷Y̷ ̷I̷̷S̷̷N̷'̷T̷ ̷I̷̷T̷ ̷W̷̷O̷̷R̷̷K̷̷I̷̷N̷̷G̷?! ̷W̷̷H̷̷Y̷-?’
S̷̷C̷̷R̷̷E̷̷E̷̷C̷̷H̷
‘̷C̷̷a̷̷n̷’̷t̷-’
‘̷t̷̷r̷̷a̷̷p̷̷p̷̷e̷̷d̷’
‘̷c̷̷a̷̷n̷’̷t̷ ̷b̷̷r̷̷e̷̷a̷̷t̷̷h̷̷e̷-’
*brief flash of a pile of burnt paper ash in Stan’s hands, which are shaking*
“We can’t stay here Fordsy, he’s closing up again.”
“Just one more second-!”
“Might as well, it’s [--- ---- ------ - ---].”
“[--- ---] going to die here. Stan[--- -------- -----], if you don’t [---- - ---- ---- --] in the next minute you will die.”
“That voice-?”
“We’re leaving now, Sixer! DEFENESTRATE!”
SNAP
(...)
“Stan? Stan calm down-! It’s okay! Remember where you are.”
“C-Can’t breathe-”
“Yes you can, just breathe with me. In- out. In- out. Just like that. There we go.”
“I’m sorry Fiddleford, I can’t do it. I can’t. I can’t. ”
To be continued…
#for your own good#early amnesia au#mystery trio#fords evil basement sub-lab#ford isnt a mad scientist hes a sad scientist#gravity falls#cross posted on ao3#fanfic#fanfiction#stanley pines#stan pines#stanford pines#ford pines#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#bill cipher#rick sanchez#diane sanchez#past stanchez#fiddlestan#anyone notice that Stan called Fiddleford by his actual name
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Also, people in general just don’t like being uncertain or feeling confused. It’s anxiety-inducing. If you’re used to your entire world slotting into very neatly defined categories your whole life, and then suddenly something doesn’t, you can see how that would create some cognitive dissonance that might make you feel some type of way!
Heck, just look at how hard it is for people online to stop categorizing people into “us” and “them” and allow for nuance.
The thing is, you CAN get used to that uncomfortable feeling. You CAN get used to feeling anxious because you’re not quite sure what to do. You CAN live with just not knowing.
But it takes practice! It takes conversations like the one above with people you care about and trust, who can sit with you in that discomfort and help you realize that it’s okay, you’re not going to die, nothing bad is going to happen if you just… don’t know something. You might make a mistake, and that’s okay. You might say the wrong thing, and the world won’t end. You might offend someone, but you can learn how to handle it gracefully if you do.
These are the kinds of conversations we are used to having with kids, or friends, but often we forget that older adults are just humans too. Sometimes they get anxious. Sometimes they need a little guidance. Sometimes they need someone to just sit with them in that discomfort and help them see that it doesn’t hurt, really, to be unsure or a little confused.
And, of course, sometimes they’re just being assholes. Sometimes you learn to recognize when that’s happening, and sometimes you’re a little unsure, a little confused, maybe a little anxious… but maybe you can find someone you trust to sit with you in that feeling, too.
Okay but can anyone articulate the mindset that leads older people to feel like they NEED to know people's gender identity all the time? Like what's going on there
#this is something you see me harp on a lot when it comes to disability in particular#I have had so many people come to me and ask ‘what do I do if…’ related to dealing with other disabled people#and I have to be like ‘I dunno dude you’re going to have to ask them and see’#and you’re definitely going to mess up and say the wrong thing and the world won’t end#and you will probably offend someone and need to make amends#and there is no one correct answer and that used to make me SO SO SO ANXIOUS#and it takes a while to get okay with that but it’s worth it in the end
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Prompt 118
Everyone is freaking out. The titan tower was broken into, no signs of who it was, and Tim- Robin- is missing. There’s blood on the walls, taunting them, implying that Tim is going through agony, and they can’t deal with another dead Robin, they can’t-
Meanwhile Tim is bemused, maybe a little concussed because that would explain things maybe, as he’s found himself in a living room full of books and there’s a pair of kids too? One is straight up adoption bait- wait no there’s three, with two of them being adoption bait and the third being a redhead. There’s a trio of small children there already playing by the couch he’s been bundled into.
Where the heck is his mask- or his bo staff or any of his supplies- is that the fucking Red Hood?! No, couldn’t be, must be the concussion, because why would the Red Hood be feeding him a bowl of soup?
#prompts#dcxdp#dpxdc#Jason found lil tiny fenton siblings before he started some of his attacks#Pit latched on just as much as he did#He's a broody halfa whose ghost logic is that Tim is also his baby now#Baby took/shares his Name so therefor is part of his Fright#Is Jason a tad feral? Maybe#Are the rest of them twice as feral?#Oh definitely#Tim might have a concussion and is very confused because last thing he saw was red#Don't worry he didn't get beat up#The blood was a mixture of human and animal#The Pit when Jason is thrown in: Omg a baby#The Pit: My baby now let's go make sure you're healthy by scaring the humans and havin fights#Jason: *confused halfa noises*#Jason: I am an adult but also baby but not too baby to not adopt these smaller babies#De-aged Fenton siblings with only bursts of memories: Yeah that seems about right#Concussed Tim: But I already avoided adoption before.... :(
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ppl too scared to make them ugly freaks
#might tweak these a bit but like cmon#too many ppl make them hot#theyre WEIRDOS!!!!!!#smiling friends#smiling friends fanart#charlie smiling friends#pim smiling friends#charlie dompler#pim pimling#human smiling friends#human charlie dompler#human pim pimling#adult swim#fyp#artists on tumblr#rickrackpaddywack
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it's so funny to me... looking at video reactions and content about the anime of Erased and realize how many people felt like... idk. cuckolded? by the fact that Kayo did not end up with Satoru in the end, but with Hiromi, the boy who also would have died if the timeline had not been reset.
and like. some of my amusement comes from like... my own ignorance in not realizing that would be a reaction. because like. Obviously. We've been in Satoru's shoes this entire journey and it felt like, especially in the anime, Kayo and Satoru were having these big meaningful moments. like. how could that not be a romance? even though Satoru repeatedly is like 'I am 30, I'm not catching feelings in this situation, what am I doing?'
which I took as like. "Oh, he's inhabiting his little 8 year-old body and also has not had social connection in a long time and is just... having emotions. and Satoru's story is about learning to care and feel again. because adult Satoru had shut down so much due to the trauma of both losing so much in his youth and having the adults around him cope by basically refusing to deal with it and shutting it down. Returning to his childhood before the trauma is reawakening his ability to connect, trust and feel again. Which is something adult Satoru is as confused and unfamiliar with as child Satoru would be with a crush so it reads very similar."
but I also like. ran out of episodes at episode 9, then read the manga, then got like... really really invested in what the story had to say about trauma and the cycles of abuse and silence and well meaning cruelty and convenient victims and patterns of violence and community scapegoats and justice and how people act to preserve face and the justice system and like... the anime picked one thing in the manga to focus on and it was Kayo. and it did that thing like... really really masterfully. it made Kayo's story so heartrending that people forgot almost entirely about everything else. but like. the manga is about like... multiple other subjects of which Kayo features predominantly but like. The character that Satoru is freaking out about having been killed in his flashbacks in the manga is Hiromi, because Hiromi was his friend. It doesn't change the fact that Kayo is very impactful, but the story doesn't revolve entirely around her. So the fact that Hiromi and Kayo found love instead of death, but many anime viewers seem to forget entirely that Hiromi is also a would-be murder victim, is because so much of the non-Kayo story is just... not present or altered.
And even stuff with Kayo because like. She came back after being taken to her grandmother and helped them with the investigation and protection of Aya, the other potential murder victim that goes to a different school.
Honestly sometimes I feel like even people who talk about the anime ending being bad vs the manga ending, miss the parts of the manga that the anime changes. The anime is very excellent for what it is as a stand alone piece, however since it had adapted so much out of the manga to make itself a stand alone piece it didn't give itself an ending that matched what it had created. The anime had devoted itself entirely to the Kayo aspects of the story because they evoked such strong emotions, but the ending... isn't about Kayo. because in the manga, the story wasn't about Kayo. the thing that seems kind of funny to me is, they were stuck with 2 episodes to wrap up a fat chunk of the manga. They were always gonna have to do an anime original ending. They *could* have just gone balls to the wall and gone completely original and played into the fact that they'd been focusing on Kayo the whole time. Not necessarily "waits for him the whole time" but something that puts more focus on her to give more emotional catharsis to the audience. Instead it went with the option no one was happy with and did a limp noodle fast adaptation of the last chunk of the manga with no character development or deduction or planting from the rest of the anime because half the scenes that made any of it make sense got cut.
And now everyone remembers Erased as that great anime with a terrible ending. which sucks because the manga honestly really has a lot to say about a lot of topics. And the anime is artistic and beautiful as hell. but like. the fact that so much of the message is fully not like... either adapted or perceived by audiences or like. Ignored. feels like a sign of something kind of frustrating...
Or I am overthinking big time. That's. I guess a possibility. It might not be that deep, but I think it is. there just might be a level of clumsiness in its execution sometimes, but I think the themes and messages are still there...
#inane ramblings#i have too many thoughts#boku dake ga inai machi#the town where only i am missing#erased anime#like I get the idea of thinking Kayo is a romantic interest sort of#but also like I'm pretty sure he's just learning how to have human connections again#because he's never coped with his own trauma and is emotionally stunted#and just literally doesn't know what friendship feels like anymore as an adult#that might be generous but he seems genuinely unfamiliar with kindness
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I would say you’re more of a Mr peanut butter type yeah
doggy doggy what now?
#sci speaks#i love mr peanutbutter.#i think i love especially that eventually people stopped liking him.#cute quirky doggy winds up being a JERK actually just like the rest of us.#i love him and i love that.#really need to rewatch bojack actually because i don't remember it very well but god do i remember Loving it.#i think it's probably the best adult animated series i've ever seen. just. like. i don't know. it's the kind of writing that i really love.#where all the characters are bad actually. and you think they might be outwardly put together but they're not.#bojack is a GREAT SHOW. depressing but great.#i can't even like recommend it to anybody i'm like. yeah. it'll depress you. sorry. but that's why i like it.#i like those kind of ugly sincere emotions that make me feel less alone for being an asshole sometimes.#not in a “haha this character i like is an asshole so i can be an asshole too” kind of a way but in a .#i shouldn't despise myself because this is just part of what it is to be human i guess. you'll mess up and make selfish choices.#we all have that same software and i don't know. makes me feel less alone. i love to see that nobody else has it put together either.#it's not just me floating in the world with no direction.#it do be why i hate people who point at a character and say “BAD ROLEMODEL!! why aren't they PERFECT??”#get out shut up i hate you.#try living LIFE for five days maybe.
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guy who looks up "house party" on wikipedia and googles "what is a house party like reddit" before going out
#ahem. not that i am doing that or anything. i am sooo normal i have had many typical adult human experiences yes#i don't even know if im gonna go.. i might get too scared and it's not like i rsvped a definite yes.....
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they call me the griever because halfway through a thing I enjoy I’m already sad that it’s closer to being over
#blue chatter#trying to work on not doing this#and just enjoying the thing in the moment#this happens to me a lot with school breaks and such#like ‘oh I love being on spring break but I’m sad bc I’m already 3 days in’#‘oh I love summer vacation so far it’s too bad it’s already a month over’#and I’m like NO!!!!! blue!!!!!!!! you’re missing the point!!!!!!!!#you have the joy *right now* and you are SPOILING IT bc you’re too busy looking ahead to when it will be gone!!!!!!!!!#it happens with friend visits a lot. it’s less bad now but it still happens.#like. the first time I visited friends over spring break I woke up in the early morning of the last morning and just cried#because I only had a few hours left before I had to get on the plane home#and I start hurriedly stuffing seconds and minutes into my mouth and refusing to swallow#because maybe if I just cling extra hard then the time won’t pass-#but it does pass. and that’s okay. and I know that’s okay because life had more joyful things after that moment#had I stayed there on that day I would have been frozen as a much more miserable person#my friends themselves would have been very different people#I mean. fuck. between then and now two of us figured out our genders. both of them got married. they moved somewhere else now.#there’s a lot of little joys that got left behind there. a church they loved. a local park. mountains and windy streets.#but I wouldn’t hold ourselves there. which I try to remind myself when I start crying about lost time again#because yeah. this will end someday. human lifespans aren’t infinite.#but the future is full of life I still have to live. there’s no saying that I can’t have good things again.#and this period of my life is rapidly rushing towards a much more uncertain future and I know that and it’s scary#I know I have about 11 months to make several very adult decisions that will determine a lot of my future#but no matter what I choose this period of my life is not wasted#and I don’t need to hurriedly optimize every second and mourn losing them#and I know that. and I still feel sad and mourny. but that might be more indicative that I’m hungry or smth.
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They are, in fact, each other's first friends at the academy. Only friends, really. Because guess what, Houhua? You are not the only adult trapped in a child's body! Well, you're the only genuine article, but Itachi's a genuine replica! In that, he is also way too mature and does not know how to act like a child while still being influenced by his child prison and is therefore off putting to the rest of the child population.
I totally get Houhua not noticing Itachi's puppy crush at all, that's super fun, but I am so attached to Houhua being fully aware of the crush. Like he knows this small child has THE biggest puppy crush on him, and the part that goes straight over his head is that he is not, in fact, an adult (and therefore romantically unattainable to a small child) human male that a small child has a puppy crush on. He is actually a small child that another small child has a puppy crush on. Meaning, he is not, in fact, unattainable at all. He is VERY attainable, actually, and he should start working about that- but oh no, Houhua has his airpods in! He can't hear the Itachi's Eternal Devotion bus coming! It's gonna hit him!
Itachi is so confused, a little scared, kinda betrayed- but also, does he have any right to feel that way? When he's killed (almost) their entire clan? Does he have any right to feel betrayed about Houhua hiding his abilities from him when he would have used that exact knowledge to dispose of him? Should he not be grateful that Houhua didn't trust him because he doesn't deserve to be trusted because this way Houhua is alive?
Also, I need you to have this mental image as well- Itachi and Kisame on their Akatsuki missions, and in the middle of the night, Itachi will just be in the corner. Just. On his knees, in the corner, forehead to the wall. Just mentally repenting. Because fuck Houhua has only gotten more beautiful as time went on.
Itachi tried to kill him. Tried to ruin what they had. Tried to end it. And Houhua stopped him. Hoyhua didn't let him. And fuck, that's a mystery and Itachi feels so many things about it but one thing he definitely feels about it is- fuck, it was so hot. Like looking back on it, if Itachi does not remind himself that HE KILLED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY THE SAME NIGHT, thinking about how Huohua got away would get him so hard, so fast.
Like, imagine being Itachi. You've done this horrible thing, forced into a position where it was the only option you thought possible, and then you went through with it, even though you didn't want to- and then someone stopped you. Showed you it maybe wasn't the only way. Imagine the fear you'd feel about the fact that you were able to be convinced to kill the people you love, but then the utter relief that comes with the knowledge that there is someone out there that can keep you in check? Yes, Houhua didn't win against Itachi, but Itachi is about as mentally ill as they come. He failed in his mission to kill Houhua, which means Houhua won, which means Houhua, in a way, is stronger than Itachi, at least in his mind, and that means Houhua can stop him. If Itachi does something wrong, if he chooses wrong, Houhua can and will correct him.
Because Itachi might have been the clan heir, but he is such a follower. He follows orders, and he does not give them. He hates having that responsibility, that amount of power. He doesn't trust himself with it- look at what happened the last time he made a decision! Yeah, that decision was strongly influenced by Danzo, but Itachi doesn't give a crap, he has some severe survivors guilt/just actual guilt to deal with.
He hates having to make big decisions because he doesn't trust himself to make the right choice, and now Houhua is here to hold his leash. And that is frankly the hottest thing to ever happen.
Is this a healthy way to live? No. Is it about as healthy as you're gonna get in the military focused dystopia that is Naruto? Yeah, kinda. And again, doesn't really matter that Houhua didn't really win and can't actually fight off Itachi, he won in Itachi's mind, and that's enough for Itachi's monkey follower brain to be like, "welp, guess we listen to him no matter what now."
Also, I feel like I'm making out to be way worse than it would be. This is basically just- Itachi is just really into being told what to do and would like to not be in charge. Houhua would like to have literally any control over his life. And well, I'm just saying, he would have a lot of control over a lot of stuff if the Uchiha heir/Uchiha heir's brother was gladly at his beck and call...
And last but not least, Jun. Oh, Jun, Jun, Jun... the answer is simple! Houhua has two hands. Thruple. (Because you can pry Houhua/Itachi from my fucking cold dead hands.)
Also, I get what you mean with Itachi having control freak energy, but to me, at least, his control freak energy is very much "oh god, idk what I'm doing and I do not want to be here or be in charge, BUT I AM, SO I GUESS I NEED TO JUST KEEP TRACK OF EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE AT ALL TIMES BC IDK HOW ELSE TO DEAL WITH THIS HELP". His need for control comes from a place of complete panic and a distrust in his own ability to evaluate a situation, and if literally anyone else could take the wheel, he would be eternally grateful. But also, only someone with his undying trust and loyalty could ever be trusted with the wheel and he will bite anyone else that tries.
Basically, I feel like if he was eternally devoted to Houhua, and Houhua told him, nah, I knew about this, it's cool, Itachi would immediately go boneless with relaxation and just zoink out of the conversation. Trusted person has said everything is fine, so literally cannot comprehend a world where everything isn't fine.
Itachi is such a messed up little traumatized freak (affectionate). He has so many issues about control and making important decisions and following orders and trust and just anything to do with his own bodily autonomy. And really, most high-ranking/strong ninjas in this dystopia militaristic dictatorship are gonna have some complicated emotions about that stuff.
Anyway, Jun and Itachi can totally be cat fighting before Houhua comes along to set everything straight, tho. Let them fight over best boy, until best boy comes along and drags them both away by the scruff.
Can you tell I'm trying so fucking hard to manipulate Houhua/Itachi into working out? Because I am trying so hard to make them work out, and I want said hard work to be acknowledged.
That's all, though. It's 2 a.m., so I'm blaming anything that doesn't make sense, all spelling mistakes, and anything embarrassing on that. Because it's 2 a.m. and I'm tired. But still, take all of what I've said super seriously, and please join me in the newly formed Houhua/Itachi camp that I just erected.
(BTW, I have never read/seen svsss, nor read any of the fanfiction. I am purely running on my love of Naruto and context clues. Just so like you understand why Jun was mentioned dos briefly (I do not know who he is).)
Also also also also. Sasuke is going to stab everyone. With everyone being just his brother and his brother's loser friend. He is going to stab them for all the reasons. For killing his entire family, for apparently being forced into doing that, for faLLING IN LOVE WITH A MASS KIN SLAYER BEFORE SAID KIN SLAYING TURNED OUT TO BE FORCED. WHAT THE FUCK, HOUHUA-NII?
So I vaguely remember Huohua was supposed to be the girl Itachi had a crush on? Or maybe I'm mixing him up with someone else. Either way, I think Huohua should, in fact, be Itachi's gay awakening at like 7 years old, and that's how Itachi-nii gets his loser friend.
And he does this by being the way bigger loser because he follows Huohua around like a lost duck and just... helps him with stuff. He tries to buy him dango (Itacgi's favorite treat), and then when that doesn't work, he buys him tomatoes (Sasuke's favorite treat), and when that doesn't work, he does not ask what Huohua likes, instead he stalks him and tries to figure it out on his own. Which would be super creepy as an adult, but the kid is like 8, so it's just kinda cute. A little scary because he does actually have sneaking skills, but mostly cute because he takes notes on everything Huohua buys, but the notes are like "bought milk. Give him a cow?!?! Picked flower. Buy him flower garden!?!?"in crayon with little doodle hearts on the edges of the pages. Huohua, of course, sees him as a child who has a puppy crush and doesn't quite have the heart to tell him off, and so is just waiting for said puppy crush to die off on it's own.
And then the massacre happens.
And it doesn't make any sense!
Itachi was such a sweet kid. His favorite moves were all non-lethal take downs, he would always offer Huohua his last dango ball even though dango was his favorite, he would help small kids walk home or hunt down a KPF officer to help them if they were lost. He hated killing, Huohua once saw him cry because he found a very small snake and it didn't have any legs, because it was a snake, but that was apparently a tragedy because it "couldn't run and be free".
So Huohua has a lots of mixed emotions, a lot of suspicions from being an author himself, and a lot of... not quite pining, but he misses Itachi's puppy love gestures, as selfish as that feels. Misses being offered dango he didn't want, misses having a shadow that took meticulous yet adorably stupid notes in him, misses seeing him kneel down next to a child half their size and seeing someone far too young act so old and responsible.
And then.
And then they meet again.
And fuck, Itachi's gotten kinda hot.
Look, the kid was- well, a kid. So all his actions were of an adorable kid who didn't know the person he had a crush on was actually unattainable. But now - because Itachi still has that puppy crush that is starting to look less like a crush and something more like eternally burning love unique to the Uchiha - but now. Now Itachi is a fully grown man and he's kinda fucking hot.
He has wrinkles! Huohua is hundreds of years old, okay? Wrinkles are kinda hot to him. And he's- not nice, currently, what with being a missing-nin, but there are traces of his childhood friend Itachi in there still. He uses those non-lethal take downs he used to practice non-stop, he still tucks his chin into his chest when he tries to meet Huohua's eyes, he still-
He still looks at Huohua like he hung the moon and like Itachi torn it down against his own will.
And then he coughs blood and leaves.
Just leaves. Just like that. Shows off what is clearly supposed to be the illness that kills him, leaving Sasuke unsatisfied in his revenge and setting him down the road of villainy, sends one last look of utter longing at Huohua, and then he just fucking leaves.
Fuck that. Fuck this. Fuck the system, fuck the story, fuck it all.
Huohua is bringing Itachi home and he's going to cure him and make him eat dango and then Itachi is going to offer Huohua the last dango ball and Huohua is going to accept it for the first time because it's no longer stealing candy from a child, it's sharing a treat with someone he-
Someone he-
Someone he loves.
IM YELLING !!! I WAS LITERALLY JUST THINKING AB HOW ITACHI IS TEXTBOOK SHANG QUINGHUA'S TYPE TOO, HOUHUA IS SO FUCKED
You're right ! Houhua reincarnated as Izumi, who was supposed to be Itachi's love interest as a kid (before he went and fucking killed her along with everyone else, rip)
He does NOT know he is supposed to be a love interest (probably for the best tbh, I feel like it'd be easy for him to get weird and ethical about it if he had to think ab the implications of Itachi possibly being "forced" to like him due only to his character role) so any crush directed towards him will be a fucking surprise attack
Poor Houhua <3
I'm crying at tiny baby stalker Itachi, I think they should get to he eachothers first school friends. I think Houhua didn't have many friends as a kid. His natural Houhua-ness was cranked up a bit when he was younger due to just kid hormones and kid-wired mind fucking with his emotions and reactions even more than they might have as an adult. + as adult man trapped in a child's body, he does not how to convincingly act like a normal kid and this lead to him being labeled as a total weirdo by both his peers and some adults
Houhua himself never really cared, so what if he isnt invited to some 6 year olds birthday party! Hes a grown man! But every once in a while he'll get kinda melancholy about it— again, I think he's heavily affected by the physical state his little kid brain is at that age, so his reactions can be a bit,, different than he may have reacted when older
But like. Outcast weirdo Houhua and untouchable, unsociable clan heir Itachi ,, they are friends and no one really talks to either of them
(Once he gets older, I think Houhua gets to work at trying to network w people. He,, doesn't really ever make any friends, but who needs friends? Not him! He has a network of acquaintances who owe him a whole lot of things and favors, and that's better than any friendship, yknow!)
Also they're both the most mature in their age bracket and I think that might help Itachi identify with him a bit more
ANYWAYS
Itachi develops a sudden interest in learning how to make handpulled noodles bc he hears Houhua complaining about craving some,,
Houhua straight up does NOT notice his crush, it just isn't smthn he's capable of registering at the time bc in his eyes Itachi's a kid. Also bc Itachi is his only friend, he's seeing all his little kind acts and going "omg,, my bro is so sweet,, the bonds of friendship are so nice,,"
I think Houhua absoloutley has a thing for just being treated well and having him and his work be visibly valued, I think he gets incredibly touched by acts like that and Itachi treating him in any sort of special way is absoloutley at path directly into his heart.
I also love the idea of him missing Itachi after everything, missing the things he used to do for him, missing feeling valued (although Sasuke tries his best, it's not the same)
He also just... misses his friend.
Meanwhile, Itachi, who went toe to toe with Houhua during the massacre— ultimatley winning but only after a very surprising struggle, deals with not just the guilt of the massacre but the burning question of why and how Houhua had been lying to him about how strong he was. Lying to not just him, but to everyone.
Successfully.
Itachi himself never shares with anyone about the struggle, not to Konoha in his reports about the Akatsuki, nor to "Madara". But he lies awake at night and retraces the steps of their fight and he burns
There's suddenly this really complicated issue in his heart of like— he can no longer turn Houhua into this perfect martyr to feel guilty over like he can with Sasuke. (Though he still of course feels weighed down by the guilt of all he's done) because there's tangible proof that Houhua was not everything Itachi thought. There's layers now, there's a mystery, Itachi is no longer completely in the driving seat of the fucking car crash in progress that is their story like he is with Sasuke's.
Where as in the original canon, Izumi joins the faces of those Itachi killed, as a girl he can claim to have killed gentler than the others, a memory of this perfect, innocent girl Itachi betrayed, another tally on his list of crimes—
Houhua leaves Itachi, bogged down with guilt but also reeling with "what the fuck was that"
(A silent notification appears in Houhua's inbox, congratulating him on changing the narrative in such a creative way)
I think Itachi may have been able to tear himself away from his affection for Houhua (and allow his affection for Sasuke to win out overall) if only Houhua hadn't left him with such a powerful mystery to weigh him down
Good going Houhua!! Ur so good at this narrative thing <3
ANYWAYS THEIR REUNION HAPPENING AND HOUHUA GOING "oh no he's HOT" HAS ME IN STITCHES THO I NEED THAT ACTUALLY. THATS CANON NOW.
Also the detail of Houhua finding his wrinkles attractive is actually really cute, I love that!!
Sasuke will genuinley lose his fucking MIND if he catches even a hint of Houhua being attracted to Itachi, and not in a funny way. Houhua look him in the eyes. Look him in the eyes and tell him you find his big brother who tortured him and murdered their entire family hot. Say it to his face.
No but I think Houhua has major suspicions ab Itachi and at some point he'll have to share them with Sasuke. He literally has no reason not to and comes to be very fond of the kid, so. The only question is when— both when does he tell Sasuke and when does he really gain enough meat to his theory of "something isn't right here" ab the massacre to really start piecing together any sort of coherent thought other than suspicion
I hate u actually bc I'm suddenly SO sold on a Houhua and Itachi romance of some kind, this is so compelling and interesting to me. But also Mobei Jun is wandering around somewhere as Jun and Houhua is going to run into him eventually and have to face his own relationship drama
Itachi pulling his fucking hair out out of confusion when Houhua manifests his mangekyou for this fucking random Kiri missing nin he literally only JUST met
(I don't think Itachi likes being left in the dark when it comes to things he cares ab very much, definite control freak energy. Houhua is driving him insane)
I think that Itachi and Jun may have gotten along actually, but Itachi catches wind of Houhua having a seemingly giant fucking crush on him and is suddenly filled with inexplicable rage, actually
Let them have actually worked together previously or smthn, that'd be funny. They worked together a couple times and had a good rapport— maybe akatsuki actually wants or wanted to recruit him? That could actually be kinda fun
Oh fuck that could also totally parallel svsss bc there's no way that Jun would want to join them, busy with his own shit of wanting to take over Kiri. But just like with Deidara, they can strong arm him into joining under threat of death just like Bingghe did to MBJ !!
I love parallels
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Warning- this is a very petty post, but I think I'm entitled to at least one petty, pissed-off reaction every time I finish a classic novel that hit harder than I expected so take this as my quota for the year.
Also spoiler warning for a book that came out over a century ago but still, I didn't know the plot going in so don't want to ruin it for anyone else, if you haven't read it shut your eyes. (Also Local Tumblr User Going Wild Over Book Published a Hundred Years Ago That Everybody Else Already Read should probably be categorised as akey part of indigenous tumblr culture at this point).
Anyway I just finished the War of the Worlds and in between studying I've thinking about Themes and Motifs as you do, and idly looking for further analysis. I then accidentally ran into an article called 'A Quiet Place II Succeeds Where the War of the Worlds Failed' and:
Now I haven't seen any of the Quiet Place films, this is not a rant against them and of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But re: the ending of The War of the Worlds, I have to ask, did this guy somehow miss, uh, the entire point of the book or am I just utterly insane?
#You're right it's not very satisfying for humanity that the invaders are foiled by a bacteria and not human action! Maybe that's the point!#Maybe it's supposed to be FRIGHTENING and make you ask questions about what humans will do under extreme stress#Not be a morally uplifting tale about Humanity Heroically Defeating the Martians in a Glorious Hollywood Ending#Maybe it's MEANT to be unsatisfying because this is not a straightforward fairytale#I mean I've only read it once and don't know much about Wells' work so I might have misunderstood the point of the book too#But at places it is a very pessimistic view of the human condition and that's partly WHY IT'S SO POWERFUL#That doesn't mean there aren't moments of individual acts of heroism (the Thunderchild for example)#But the question is not just 'how will humanity beat the Martians and prove that we're still the masters of the universe'#Rather 'a) why is humanity so confident that it's ultimately in control of its own destiny#And b) here's lots of scenes of societal collapse and of people pushed to the brink and what would YOU do in those circumstances?#Would YOU feel remorse about silencing the curate even if it did lead to his death?#What if it rather than a foolish adult it had been a small child?#And even if they were weak did they DESERVE it? Yes it might have been necessary but should it be policy going forward?#Would you also be attracted briefly by the certainties that the artilleryman's (rather fascist) plan seems to offer so humanity survives?#But what sort of humanity would that be if it DID survive and is it worth it? The narrator feels he needs to justify the curate's death#The artilleryman would have probably never have thought it was anything OTHER than justifiable or indeed laudable#Under strain and stress would you start to turn against even your loved ones and become brutal?#Is that the only hope for human survival beyond complete surrender? And was the destruction of London maybe even 'cleansing'#In the eugenics sense or in the sense of a natural horror of dirt and germs?#And the vast exodus of six million people fleeing headlong in panic - we might not have seen that exact phenomenon#But didn't the twentieth century subsequently go on to show us unprecedented scale of slaughter and refugee movements and communal strife?#At the end of the day what really separates humanity from other animals? And what separates us from the Martians?#It's not an uncontroversial book- it was written over a hundred years ago for goodness sake and there are questions worth asking#about the way imperialism and arguments about eugenics and population control and all sorts of other dodgy areas operated on Wells' mind#But dear God I really don't think the problem with the book is that 'Humanity didn't save the day!'#Unsatisfying ending? Yes. A FAILURE? No not in my opinion- looks like it was exactly what Wells set out to do#Humanity didn't win the war of the worlds they had a narrow escape and though it might not be martians next time#Why wouldn't disaster return in the future? Sure we've studied their flying machines and even preserved a martian in a jar#But for all our science what have we ACTUALLY learned that will enable us to avert future human catastrophes? Ethically or socially?#Alright rant over- as usual my opinion is not universal nor necessarily well-informed this take just really got my goat
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idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just
like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings
but like
I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.
like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.
#red said#the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early#metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of#Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together#but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant#i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning.#what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose.#i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy#so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that#but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person.#but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go#i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it#but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving#i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry#right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone.#that kind of thing. it's a safety thing.#it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it#but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that#and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time#anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.
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every time i listen to ugly death no redemption i go fucking insane about ice the last generation again
#sucks bc it’s one of my favorite albums lmao#for those who don’t know. ice is a really shitty post apocalyptic yuri ova#it’s made by the creator of the zeta gundam not like tomino but the mech designer#it’s also really anti men like there’s no men they all died and it’s between the two factions of like militant science and fuck it we ball#and the fuck it we ball people just have gay sex and do drugs#the militant one also has gay sex but only the leader and she has like slaves for it????#also the leader of the fuck it we ball one is part jellyfish bc her mom did genetic experiments on her to figure out how to make children#without cock#that’s one of my favorite parts of it the one scene where that’s discussed is really cool#there’s a weird age gap between the two love interests though i think they’re both adults????#but one of them was like at least in her twenties when the other one was being born??????#it makes me really uncomfortable which is why i haven’t gotten super into it otherwise i think i would go insane#also there’s some weird time travel esque stuff at the end and i think it might be implied that the love interest gave birth to her partner#through virgin birth like jesus style#before any of the plot even happened#or maybe the love interest is just there when she’s giving birth???? she dies in the main timeline and then her object that she gave her#partner is in the hospital room (in the past)#but also the person giving birth is technically different than the love interest bc all we know is that she has been hallucinating this lady#bc she hasn’t slept in literal years#and that’s the lady giving birth in the past and she might be the love interest and she might be giving birth to her partner#fucking insane shit there are parts that really interest me and i want to take for my own projects and stuff#do not recommend it at all but also i kinda do but like dont go into it seriously go into it to see a weird as fuck shit show#anyways ugly death no redemption uses a lot of samples from it!!!!!!#oh yeah humans have also evolved to only be able to eat processed foods and if animals eat it they turn into flowers that’s a cool scene too
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i am losing my mind
#god is testing me this is just a test this is just a cruel joke#vanus thoughts#i’m going to go insane#i seriously dont know what to do i’m so tired of all this#too much is happening at once and at the same time i feel like nothing is happening and i will stay in this place forever#i just want to live in a cottage far far away on a shore that has never been visited and is not on any map so no one from this life can find#me and i will never interact with another human being and i will be lonely but at least i will be free because what the fuck is this#i swear to god when i leave this place i will never come back they might haunt me but they wont hurt me any more than they have#i need a new fucking life new hair new clothes new body new people new love#i will go to a new place#where no one doubts my memory and makes me question myself and makes me stay quiet and no one will force me to act like an adult when i’m 16#and i will rest and heal and work#but i don’t want to be here anymore#why did i pour my heart out into these tags no one will read them#this makes me a little sad
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