#they may or may not also be dying but that’s like a secondary concern at the moment.

[quietwingsinthesky]

anyway. also im trapping even inside the tardis until the doctor gets back. which is very fun for them, as you can imagine, as someone with Being Trapped In A Space Ship trauma compounded by this spaceship being a living eldritch horror that is badly damaged and needs to fix itself and might accidentally eat them while they’re stuck inside her!

[sara-scribbles]

Melting the Dragon King's Heart (Part 1)

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Malleus Draconia/F!Reader Summary: After falling down some stairs, you wake up in the body of a villain from one of Idia's cheesy romance books. Destined to die a fiery death, you have to figure out a way to change your fate. Word Count: 6,974 Notes: I've been reading a lot of isekai lately, which sparked this story. Hope you enjoy! Warnings: Mentions of past physical and emotional abuse, reader uses she/her pronouns

Part 1 Part 2, Part 3

“The person you are trying to call is unavailable. Please leave your message after the beep. After, you may…” Letting out a deep sigh, you wait for the message to finish.

“Hey, Idia, it’s me. I know you’re probably gaming right now, but I wanted to let you know I’ll be dropping by later today.” You pause before darting across the street. You nearly get hit by a car but make it on the sidewalk unscathed.

“Anyways, I finished ‘Melting the Dragon King’s Heart’ and that was the cringiest thing I’ve read! I’ll give you the full review when I come over.”

Ending the call, you shake your head at the phone screen. You head down the stairs to the subway while shooting Idia another text. Not watching where you’re going, your foot misses a step and you're sent careening down the stairs.

“Watch out!” a voice shouts.

---

You black out momentarily before regaining consciousness. Something feels off but you can’t quite place what. Your head pounds and your body aches. You can hear muffled voices.

Eyes opening, unfamiliar faces stare down at you. “Your highness?” someone asks.

Sitting up, you reach for your head but freeze when you realize that isn’t your hand. “Please be careful, your highness.”

Slowly studying the hand, you wave it around. You ignore the whispers and looks. You slowly reach your face, but it doesn’t feel like your face. Looking further down, you notice the clothes you’re wearing are completely different.

“W-what’s going on?” You slap a hand over your mouth. Definitely not your voice.

An elderly man leans down. “You fell off your horse, your highness. Are you feeling okay?”

You stare at him, before pointing to yourself. “A-are you talking to me?”

His brows draw together as he gives a concerned glance behind you. “You took quite a tumble so you might be a little out of sorts.”

He reaches to help you up, but you jerk away. Standing on your own, your head continues to throb painfully. You push past the group of people. You’re not sure where you're going, but your feet seem to know. Your brain is too scrambled to even notice your surroundings. Rushing down hallways and past other people, you enter into a room and lock the door.

Your gaze immediately falls on the full length mirror. As you slowly approach, the reflection in the mirror is not your own. You touch the cold surface and so does the image. Reaching up, you slap your cheeks a few times, the image does too. Your face stings.

“What the hell!?” And then your headache intensifies. You crumble to the floor clutching your head. Memories that aren’t yours flood your mind before you blackout once more.

---

You can’t believe you’re in Idia’s horrible isekai novel. Worse, you’re in the body of the secondary villain! She wasn’t very important to the story besides a vehicle to drive the plot. She didn’t even get a name. The story was from the protagonist's point of view, so you learned very little of the queen. In the end, she and her family died a fiery death after their nefarious plans to control the dragon king, Malleus Draconia, were uncovered by the protagonist.

Based on her memories, her marriage to the dragon king was six months ago. So, you had six more months before the arrival of the protagonist. Which also meant you had half a year before you’d be burned to death. You had no plans on dying. Again.

Crawling out of bed, you head to the connected bath. The maids had drawn a hot bath. Glancing in the bathroom mirror, you get a flash of her back. Old and newer scars crisscross the expanse of skin. The first time you saw them, you were flooded with horrible memories. Memories of a younger version crying while being beaten within an inch of her life. You tried to stay away from mirrors as much as possible.

Being the secondary villain, she isn’t really what you’d call evil. In the story, she came off like an emotionless puppet. The queen has a unique magic that can turn someone’s heart to ice, which allows her to control them. Ironic really. From what you remember from the story, the dragon king is too powerful, so her unique magic didn’t work right away. Over the course of a year, she uses her magic on him everyday. This causes him to become distant and easier to manipulate. When she’s almost successful, the king meets the protagonist, who immediately melts his frozen heart. It’s honestly so cliche, you had a hard time getting to the end. When you read the story, you felt nothing for the villains.

Having the queen’s memories, you feel bad for her. Her entire life was dictated by her parents, the duke and duchess. From what she wore to what she ate to what kind of instrument she played, it was chosen for her. Any sense of rebellion was quickly beaten out of her from a young age. She was molded into the perfect puppet that her parents could control. She had no say in the plan. From what you can tell, she didn’t even have any feelings about the king. Or anything for that matter.

Truly a sad villain.

After being found passed out on the floor, you were put on strict bed rest for a few days. According to the doctors the fall from the horse caused the queen to stop breathing for a few minutes. You wonder if at that time she had died, you had somehow entered her body. It didn’t feel like you’re sharing the body with anyone. The only thing left behind are her memories and lingering emotions.

During the mandatory bedrest, you hatched a plan. You need to get the dragon king to be your ally. Sure he’s technically this body’s - your body now - husband, but at this point in time, he’s become very distant because of her magic. You would stop using the magic on him, and hopefully he would return to normal. Then, when the protagonist shows up, they can take down the real villains. You’d have an amicable divorce and live the rest of your life out in peace.

Taking a deep breath, you steel yourself. Operation save yourself from certain fiery death starts now!

---

“Your highness, are you feeling better?” the old butler, Diablo, from before asks. He sets down a tea tray. Having been with the Draconia family for ages, he’s assigned to watch over the queen.

“Yes, my head doesn’t hurt anymore. The delicious food helps.” If there’s one thing you like about this new life, it’s the food. You could stuff your face with food and never be tired.

The salt-and-pepper haired man pauses but quickly collects himself. He pours another cup of tea while you finish up breakfast. “I’m glad to see you’ve gained a healthy appetite.”

Pausing mid-bite, you remember that the queen only picked at her food. Her memories often depicted a somber scene while she ate by herself. No talking or eye contact was ever made. She never bothered to hide her disinterest.

When you read the book, you didn’t feel too bad for the queen. The author barely wrote about her except when the story needed to continue. Perhaps that’s why you didn’t like the story. The queen was a lackluster villain while her parents were almost cartoonishly evil. The protagonist had been a little better, but still somewhat flat. However, you assumed the appeal was the sweet romance between the two. The romance was actually kind of cute. Speaking of romance, you have yet to see the dragon king in person.

“Your highness?” Diablo brought you from your thoughts.

“Hmm?” You realize your teacup is empty. “Did I drink that?”

He nods. “Yes, your highness. You were deep in thought while taking sips.”

You’re surprised you didn’t dribble any on you. Maybe it’s all due to the rigorous etiquette training the queen had gone through. “Is there anything I have planned today?”

“Not today, your highness.”

Great, you have the whole day to do whatever you want. “Diablo, where is the king?”

“In his study. He’s been up before the crack of dawn,” he informs you.

Thanks to her memories, you know exactly where his study is. You also know she never bothers him until she has to use her magic. However, now that this is your life, you plan to do whatever it takes to save yourself from dying.

“Thank you, Diablo.” Leaving the dining hall, you head to your dear husband’s study. Diablo follows a few paces behind.

“Are you planning to visit his highness?” he inquires.

He’s always with you. “Yes. I thought we could spend some time together.” Glancing behind you, his face is a neutral mask.

He merely nods when he meets your gaze. “An excellent idea, your highness.”

Arriving at the door to his study, you knock. There’s no answer. “Are you sure he’s here?”

“Yes. He rarely leaves his study until lunch time, your highness. Would you like me to check?” He gestures to the door.

“No, that’s okay. I can do it.” Grabbing the handle, you pull the door open. The room is mostly dark due to the curtains being drawn closed. Stepping inside, your eyes adjust to the gloom.

Malleus Draconia is an intimidating figure. Even sitting down he seems to tower over everything. His inky black hair contrasts with his pale skin. His most characteristic trait are the obsidian colored horns on his head. They gleam even in the low light. The lamp on his desk casts shadows on the bookshelf behind him. He’s very fitting for a male lead.

He doesn’t make a move to look up from his work. “Is there something wrong, Diablo?”

The old butler clears his throat. “No, your majesty.”

“I came to see you.” You paste on a smile though it’s a lot more work than you thought. It’s as if this face has never smiled, which wouldn’t be a surprise.

Malleus does look up when you speak. For a brief second his eyes widen before his brows draw together. “Is there something wrong, my queen?” His gaze remains dull. His eyes are like the color of old, dried leaves.

Stepping forward so you’re standing in front of his desk, you shake your head. “Nothing is wrong. Do I need a reason to visit you?”

His expression smooths. He has a cool, detached look. “Of course not. This palace is your home, you are allowed to go wherever you want. Do you need something?”

Clasping your hands together, you lean closer. “I was wondering if we could do something together. Once you’re done with everything, of course.”

He returns back to the paperwork. “I don’t know if I’ll have time. There’s a lot of things I need to do. And the war with the Queendom of Roses takes precedence…”

You blink twice. “War?”

“Yes. Your father had mentioned how the Queendom has been encroaching on his territory. He says they’re looking to take over more and more of Briar Valley. We should act before they even have a chance,” he explains.

Well this is the first you’ve heard of a war. However, if memory serves your right, your parents had invested interest in the land bordering the Queendom of Roses. Your home is a small land squished between two mighty kingdoms. Though not technically royalty, your parents are basically the rulers. They wanted to expand, but couldn’t. Unless…a war breaks out somehow. Compared to the Queendom, Briar Valley is far superior in magical combat. You’re pretty sure all Malleus has to do is wave his hand to annihilate the country off the map if he so wished.

Chewing on your lip, you wonder if there’s anything you can do to prevent this. You’d rather not let your so-called parents win anything. “How about we have lunch in the garden later?”

His hand pauses in writing. “You wish to eat together?” he asks, not looking up.

“Yes, I’d like to.” You’re determined to spend some time with him. Your life is at stake!

“Alright.” He returns back to writing.

Inwardly giving yourself a pat on the back, you flash him a smile even though he can’t see it. “I’ll see then, your majesty.”

Leaving the office, Diablo quietly closes the door. “Where can I find more information about the Queendom of Roses?”

“We can start at the royal library. I’m sure the head librarian can help find what you’re looking for.” Diablo leads the way.

---

You're late for lunch. Getting lost in the research about the Queendom of Roses, you forgot the time. Thankful Diablo came to remind you. Rushing to the gardens with an armful of papers and a few books, you easily navigate your way through the maze of the palace thanks to the former body’s memories.

Arriving, you immediately spy Malleus waiting at the table. Food is set out along with a tea cart. He looks utterly bored. However, he seems to perk up a bit as you come closer. Diablo immediately pulls out the chair for you to sit.

“Sorry I’m late! I got so lost in reading that I didn’t realize the time.” You place the books and papers on the table.

“What’s all this?” he asks, gesturing to the mess.

Trying to make a neater pile, you tap the top of one book. “I’ve been doing some research on the Queendom of Roses. And I don’t think going to war with them would be beneficial.”

“Oh?” He leans back, interest sparking his usual dull green eyes.

Opening one of the books with a map, you point to the page. “The Queendom of Roses is rich in natural resources when it comes to crops. A war would most likely ruin the land, and even magic wouldn’t be able to bring it back to what it once was.”

You rifle through your papers before finding the one you want. Placing it over the book, you continue, “Briar Valley lacks in certain resources when it comes to agriculture. We could make a trade agreement with the Queendom for their crops. It would greatly benefit the people.”

Malleus ponders your words. “And what of them encroaching on your country?”

“They have no need to expand nor do they have the power to do so.” You gesture to another book. “I doubt it’s on purpose.”

He stares at you. “So, are you saying your father lied? Was he trying to spark a fight between us and another country?”

Biting your tongue, you resist the urge to spill the truth. “I’m sure he was overreacting. Being such a small country, father takes the people’s safety as utmost. But I do think a war would be a waste of resources, time, and lives.”

Diablo clears the table of your things before serving lunch. Malleus eyes you curiously. “You’re sure about this?”

“Yes,” you answer firmly without hesitation.

Picking up a fork, he spears a tomato slice. “Alright. We won’t go to war with the Queendom.” He turns to Diablo, “Let Lilia know to stand down. I’ll work on drafting a proposal to the Queendom later.”

The butler bows before leaving. You let out a deep sigh but straighten up when you realize Malleus is watching you. “Thank you, your majesty.” You’re glad he didn’t fight you on this. Though maybe due to the queen’s magic, he’s too apathetic to care.

“Somethings changed about you,” he muses aloud. You stiffen as panic starts to build. “Are you feeling well?” he inquires.

“I’m fine, your majesty.” You try to smile convincingly but it probably looks more like a grimace.

“I heard you fell off your horse a few days ago. No lingering aches or pains?” he probes. Why’s he suddenly interested? He didn’t visit once while you were on bedrest.

You stab a carrot. “I feel fine. I did some thinking and decided I wanted to take a more active role. I am the queen, so I should be doing more.” The lie slips easily off your tongue.

He’s quiet for a moment. “I see…”

---

For the rest of the day, you try your best to read into the current situation of Briar Valley. It seems the queen didn’t bother with anything related to politics. All she seemed to do was sit in her room until she was needed. You had many memories of staring blankly at a wall or something equally mundane.

You know there’s probably rumors of how the queen seems to be a different person. One of the maids had mumbled something about the fall knocking her brain around. You could care less what they said as long as you managed to change your fate. Knowing the situation of the country you supposedly co-ruled is a good start.

At least it doesn’t seem like your parents are causing too much trouble. Beyond trying to instigate a war with the Queendom of Roses, they’ve been quiet. Perhaps they’re waiting for the queen’s magic to take hold before doing anything drastic. If your plan works, they’ll be in jail soon.

You’re curled up in bed with a thick history book about Briar Valley. Having taken out a few books from the royal library, your room is starting to look like a mess with the books all over the place. You know the basics about the country from her lessons, but you want to go more in depth. It’s best to know everything you can.

There’s a knock at the door that links to Malleus’s room. Out of habit you glance around for the digital clock at your bedside. But it’s not there. “Of course…”

During your isolation in the bedroom, you found out from her memories that Malleus and the queen do not share a bed. Instead they each have their own rooms, which are connected by a door. However, the queen keeps her door locked. The only time it’s unlocked is when Malleus comes over for an hour before bed every other week. She had made up some excuse about wanting to spend a little time with him before bed. It’s the dumbest excuse you’ve heard but somehow he bought it.

Maybe he wanted to please the queen? Maybe he really is that naive about what couples do? Whatever the reason for him to agree to this ritual, it had made it easier for the queen to cast her magic.

Slipping out of bed, you unlock the door. Malleus stands there in casual clothes. He doesn’t look ready for sleep, but he does tend to stay up late from what Diablo said. You have to bite back the smile when you notice the black dragon slippers on his feet. Very dignified.

“Uh… hi…” This is certainly awkward. “The room’s a little messy, but the bed’s mostly clear.”

Malleus glances around, his eyes landing on the book you had been reading. “History of Briar Valley?”

You lead him to the bed. He sits at the edge of the bed while you scoot closer to the middle. You draw your legs up to your chest. Without asking, he holds out his hand. “Just some light reading,” you joke as you take his hand.

“...”

“...”

You really can’t just sit there in silence for an hour holding his hand. “Where’d you get those slippers?” you ask suddenly.

He blinks slowly while looking down. “Lilia gave them to me for my birthday last year. He said a king shouldn’t walk around barefoot.”

Very reasonable. “They’re cute.”

“Thank you. Would you like a pair?”

“Um, sure.” His hand is surprisingly comfortable to hold.

He nods. “I will ask Lilia to order once he returns.”

“...”

“...”

You glance at your discarded book. “Do you mind if I read?” You aren’t sure how she was able to sit for an hour staring off into space. This is too weird!

He shakes his head. “Go ahead.”

Grabbing the book with your free hand, you adjust your position and place it on your lap. As you return to reading, you can almost forget Malleus is next to you. Almost. A few times you can feel his intense stare, but when you look back, he’s looking at the far wall.

You’re only a few chapters in when he clears his throat. Looking up, he opens his mouth, but then closes it. “Yes?” You wait patiently for him to gather his words.

“The book mentioned the war with the old fae, but it’s wrong,” he informs you after a pause.

“It is?” You glance down at the date. “This took place almost a thousand years ago. Don’t tell me you were there?” Fae are long lived creatures, but you don’t think Malleus is that old.

He shakes his head. “No. Lilia would sometimes tell me stories from when he was in the army. I remember everything he said clearly. The war did not start the way the book states. Though I assume the author could only speculate since most don’t know the truth.”

“How did it start?” You lean closer, interested to hear what he has to say.

“Well…”

---

“...and then everything went up in flames.”

“No!” Eyes widen as your mouth falls open.

“Unfortunately, yes. I hate to admit it, but my control on my flames was not that good.” He sighs, covering his face with his free hand.

Chuckling, you give his hand an involuntary squeeze. “You were young. It’s not like you meant to set everything on fire.”

“That’s true, but for a long time I wasn’t allowed to do anything related to fire.” His lips quirk upward while you try and fail to cover your laughter.

“I-I’m not laughing at you. I just had an image of a smaller version of you.” Your shoulders shake. “I’d love to see a picture of when you were younger.” You can just see a small Malleus pouting while being told he’s not allowed to use his flames.

“I believe there’s a few portraits that were done when I was younger. They’ve been put away, but they should be in the royal storehouse,” he says thoughtfully.

Having calmed down, you shake your head. “Too bad there’s no candid photos of you…”

“Hmm?” He peers at you. “Is seeing a younger version of myself really that interesting?”

You flash him a quick smile. “Of course. Seeing a mini version of you would be so interesting. I’m sure you were very cute,” you tease.

He doesn’t seem to know how to take your comment. Staring at you blankly, his hold on your hand tightens slightly for a second. “Cute?”

“Well, I mean you look…you look, um, nice now. So it’s easy to assume you’d be a cute kid.” Now you’re starting to feel a bit embarrassed.

“I see… So that means you were also cute as a child,” he says in all seriousness.

Did he just give a compliment? You’re unsure what to say. Eyes darting around the room, you clear your throat. “Right. I think we’ve gone over time.” You immediately release his hand.

Malleus straightens up. “I’m sorry.”

He almost looks hurt. You quickly wave off his worry. “No need to apologize! I shouldn’t keep you.”

Standing, you follow Malleus to the door. You catch a glimpse of his dark room. “Good night, your majesty.”

“Good night…” He glances back as the door closes. You turn the lock in place with a click.

Heading to bed, you lay there surrounded by many pillows. A feeling of loneliness settles deep in your chest. You wonder how Idia and everyone else has taken the news of your death.

---

You let out a cough as dust billows out from the curtains. The once gloomy study at least looks a little better with natural light. The queen has her own study across from Malleus’s, but she never used it. It overlooks the garden below. You decided it would be a good place for you to work. And having so many books in your bedroom is starting to be a little too much.

“I do apologize for the dust, your highness. If you want, I can fetch someone to do a quick clean,” Diablo offers.

Wiping a finger along the desk, you note the layer of dust. “I think that would be for the best. While someone cleans up here, I’m going to gather the materials from my room.” The butler bows before leaving.

Leaving the study door open, you go back to your room. Gathering all the books and papers into a stack, you eye the leaning tower. You could make a few trips to ensure nothing will fall. But the less trips you have to make, the quicker you can get down to business.

Carrying the precarious tower of books while tucking the papers under one arm, you walk slowly down the hall. A few maids stop and offer to help, but you wave them off. You’re fairly certain you can handle this.

You’re nearly there when the papers from under your arm slip out. Narrowing your eyes, you shift the balance of the books to one hand. Slowly squatting, you reach out your free hand to try and pick up the papers while keeping an eye on the stack.

“Come on…” Your fingers brush against the papers. “There!” And the tower of books wobbles dangerously. “Don’t you dare…” Unfortunately the books do not listen and the stack tilts over.

But before they can fall, they start to float. Staring at the sight, the rest fly out of your hand. Realizing now that you’re not alone, you finally notice Malleus standing outside his study. He waves his hands and the books fly over to him. They stack neatly while floating at his side.

He gestures to the books. “It seemed that you needed help.”

Picking up the papers, you sigh. “Thank you. I thought I could make it…”

He follows you into the study. “You’ve decided to use the office,” he mumbles aloud. He sets the books on the now clean desk.

“I thought it would be better than my bedroom. And the view is nice,” you explain with a chuckle. “Since you’re across the way, feel free to visit.”

Malleus takes in the nearly empty room. Since the queen had never used it, there were no personal items. He turns back to you. “Do you want to write up the proposal for the Queendom of Roses?”

You owlishly blink. “M-me?”

“Yes. You are the one who came up with the idea. It would only be appropriate for you to draw up the proposal.”

Sure you had all her memories of how to be a proper queen. But she had never done any of her duties. Instead they were all dumped on Mallues. From her memories, he never said a word. He left the queen alone to do what she wanted.

Nervously licking your lips, you slowly nod. “I’ll try my best…”

“I can look over it once you're done,” he offers.

“Okay… Right, let me just start working on this.” Scrambling around your desk, you start shuffling through the papers. Malleus leaves you to your work.

---

Pouring through books on treaties and negotiations, you attempt to draft up a proposal. Diablo provides you with a few old proposals that were made back in the day. You also try to keep in mind the etiquette the Queendom of Roses has. They have a lot of rules; eight-hundred and ten to be exact.

If you want the proposal to be accepted, you need to ensure you’re following all their rules as well. It’s honestly ridiculous, but you’re determined to get this done right. If you can do this and show Malleus you’re capable, it’s bound to make you more favorable in his eyes. All you need is for him to think of you favorably by the time the protagonist shows up.

You crumble up another sheet of paper and toss it on the floor. The proposal writing isn’t going very well. Letting out a deep, frustrated sigh, you set down your pen. “Diablo, what time is it?”

“It’s nearly five, your highness,” he answers right away. You hear him snap the cover of his pocket watch closed. He comes in and out of your office offering tea and snacks. “Perhaps, it’s time you take a break,” he advises.

Groaning, you stand up. “Fine!” You probably sound like a child, but you wanted to get this done as soon as possible. However, you’ve barely made a dent.

“Might I suggest a walk in the garden to clear your head?” He bows. “The weather is lovely and some sun will do you good, your highness.”

Following his advice, you head out to the garden. It really is a beautiful place. Inhaling deeply, you feel some tension leave your body. “Mhmm! You’re right, Diablo. I needed this.”

The old butler bows. “I’m glad my suggestion is helping.”

You continue your leisurely walk through the gardens. There’s still something bothering you about this marriage. Your country is much smaller and weaker compared to Briar Valley. In regards to value, Briar Valley got the short end of the deal. And based on what you remember in the book, Malleus had no feelings for the queen. His one true love would be the protagonist. So why on earth did he agree to the marriage in the first place? The author never explained it.

“Your highness?” Diablo’s voice brings you out of your thoughts.

“Hmm?” He gestures to Malleus, who had at some point shown up. “Oh! Hello, your majesty.”

Malleus looks surprised to see you. “I did not expect to see you here.”

Right, because the queen usually spent her days locked in her room. “I just needed some air. I’ve been working on the proposal but haven’t had much luck.”

He nods. “I see.” You watch as his eyes dull and his face falls back into a stoic expression. The queen’s unique magic is still in effect. “If you need help, I’m sure there are some old proposals Diablo can find for you to use as samples.”

“He’s already done that. I think I just need more time to wrap my head around it.” You can only hope the unique magic effects will wear off eventually. “What brings you out here?”

Mallues holds up a watering can. “I wanted to tend to the roses.” You realize now that he’s actually dressed down. “I know we have the gardeners to take care of everything, but I do like to tend to the roses once and awhile,” he continues. “I haven’t felt up to the task recently, but today seems like a nice day.”

The image of the regal king of Briar Valley taking care of flowers pops into your head unbidden. It’s actually quite a heart warming image. “I didn’t realize you had a green thumb,” you joke. He really doesn’t seem the type to get down and dirty.

Head tilting slightly, he regards you coolly. “There’s a lot of things I like to do. I guess we just haven’t had much time to learn about each other.” There’s no maliciousness in his words, but it still hurts. And even though you know it’s not your fault, you still feel a bit bad.

“I guess we’ve been busy…” you respond lamely. Sighing, you look over to Diablo, but he’s busy minding his own business. “Do you mind if I…if I help?”

“If you want to.” He hands you the watering can. “I’ll do some pruning over there. You can start watering them over in that area.” He’s all business as he directs you.

Despite not being dressed properly for garden work, you don’t comment. Watering plants is fairly easy compared to pruning. As you silently water the plants, you watch Mallues from the corner of your eye. He’s laser focused as he works quickly and efficiently. He’s obviously done this a lot.

By the time you're done, you're sweating, dirty and exhausted. Your clothes are smeared with dirt from the times you leaned a bit too close. Wiping your forehead with the back of your hand, you can feel the fatigue in your body. The queen never did hard work, and you can tell just by how raw your hands feel. Gripping the watering can so much had caused the skin to blister and break.

“Your highness, I believe it would be best to go inside and rest,” Diablo called. The old butler had hovered around you with concern, but you had waved him off. You were determined to get this done without any help. Anything to get on Malleus’s good side.

You can feel the sweat clinging to you like a second skin. “I think you’re right…” you huff. The sun continues to shine down rather harshly as you peer up. “I think I need a bath,” you mumble.

Swaying as you walk, you stumble a few times. Diablo is by your side immediately. “Your highness!”

“Damn this body,” you mutter. Your vision is blurry as Diablo’s voice fades in and out. “I need a nap, Diab-” Then everything goes black.

---

When you wake, your body no longer feels like lead. You sit up in bed. Someone had changed you out of your clothes and into something clean. Panic settles in unbidden at the thought of someone seeing your - the queen’s - back. It’s something she wanted to keep hidden from everyone. Even if she’s no longer in the body, her emotions still linger. Some are stronger than others. This particular topic is a sensitive one.

“You’re awake, your highness.” Diablo stands from his seat in the corner of your room. Your head whips around in his direction.

“Who changed me?” you ask, not bothering to beat around the bush.

Standing at your bedside, he bows. “I did.”

The silence stretches on. Then, “Did you…?”

“I did not see anything, your highness,” he responds smoothly.

Your body relaxes. “Okay.”

Standing up straight, he adjusts his jacket. “Your highness, if you ever wish to talk, know that I am here. Whatever you say to me remains confidential. From everyone.”

A small smile forms on your lips. “Thank you, Diablo.”

Diablo nods. “His majesty wanted to know once you woke up. I will get him.” Giving one last bow, he leaves your room. After a few minutes, Malleus sweeps into the room and to your side.

He suddenly drops down on one knee and bows his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Pl-please stand, your majesty!” You wave your hands around uselessly.

Looking up, there’s something different in his gaze. “I should have realized you aren’t used to working outside like that. Instead of watching out for you like a good husband, I ignored you. Please forgive me.”

Reaching over, you try to push his shoulders to stand, but he does not budge. “Your majesty, I am fine. It’s partially my fault as well. I shouldn’t have pushed myself when I knew I needed rest.” Hands falling on your lap, you sigh. “Please stand, Malleus.”

That seems to have an effect. He slowly stands up. “Still, I should have checked in on you. I promise this won’t happen again.”

Patting the bed, you gesture for him to sit. He perches himself precariously on the edge. “I don’t mind helping with the roses. I want to spend more time with you doing things like this,” you tell him. “You’re right that we barely spend time together, so I’d like to remedy that.” You take his hand in your own.

He’s silent as he stares at your connected hands. Then, “I’d like that as well.”

There’s a comfortable silence between you two. Holding his hand feels comfortable. And dear you say his hand feels safe? It’s a strange feeling but not unwelcome. You feel closer to him now.

“What do you want to do?” he asks suddenly.

You manage to pull your gaze from your interlocked hands. “What?”

He runs his thumb over your knuckles absentmindedly. “You said you want to spend more time together. What did you want to do?”

“Right now?” He nods. “Uh…I don’t think my body can do much.” You look around before your eyes fall on a stack of books. “I was planning on reading a few of Briar Valley’s folklores. Do you want to read together?” It’s rather boring but you really don’t want to move.

Malleus gets up to grab the books. You scoot over to make room for him. He hesitates. “Come on. I promise I won’t bite.”

Sitting on the bed while propped up against the headboard, he hands you the books. “Lilia has read these to me before. But it’s been a long time,” he comments.

“It’ll be a refresher for you and something new for me.” Sharing the book between you two, you flip open to the first story. “Once upon a time…”

---

As promised, you spend a little more time with Malleus. You don’t do anything too exciting like little walks through the garden or reading together. The latter he seems to enjoy a lot. Sometimes he would pop into your office just to check-in. He even starts showing up for breakfast and dinner.

Honestly, it felt strange at first seeing him so often, but you quickly got used to it. And it’s nice to be able to talk with someone else besides Diablo.

“Diablo, where is Malleus?” you ask, setting down your pen. Stretching, your body feels stiff from sitting so long.

“He’s on the training grounds.” Taking the proposal in hand, you leave your office. “Master Lilia has returned with knights Silver and Sebek.”

You pause in your walk. Brief, blurry images of these three people emerge from the queen’s memories. It seems that she didn’t have many memories of these three. “Returned from?”

“They went on a mission in regards to the Queendom of Roses,” Diablo explains. “Since a possible war with them has been called off, there is no need for master Lilia to continue. I’m sure Sebek is thrilled to be back at his highness’s side.” Diablo chuckles while shaking his head.

Continuing your walk to the training grounds, you wonder what they’re like. Since the queen didn’t have any interactions with them, you’re going to meet them for the first time. From the brief information she had, the two knights are meant to protect Malleus. Master Lilia was Malleus’s caretaker from when he was a baby.

As you come to the outdoor training grounds, you can hear the murmur of voices. Malleus stands with the three Diablo mentioned. They seem to be having a good time as he even cracks a smile. At least the queen’s magic is weakening.

Sensing your presence, Malleus turns to you. His eyes immediately fall on the paper in your hands. “Have you finished the proposal?”

“Yup. I wanted you to check it.” Holding out the paper, he starts reading. You notice the other three are staring at you. “Hello…”

Silver and Sebek bow. “Your highness,” they say in unison.

Lilia’s gaze darts between you and Malleus. He smiles slyly. “It’s nice to see you two talking and getting along,” he says aloud.

“Hmm…” Malleus makes a noncommittal noise as he finishes reading the proposal. “It’s not bad. There are a few things I believe you can change, but it’s a good proposal overall. I’ll leave the edits in your office tomorrow.”

If there weren’t people around, you would've patted yourself on the back. “Thank you, Malleus!”

“Hrrk?!” Sebek makes a noise in the back of his throat.

You glance over at him as he tries to compose himself. Continuing, “I also think that once we send the proposal, we should do it the way the Queendom of Roses would.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Malleus nods thoughtfully. “What are their customs?”

Ticking off the rules on your fingers, “We need to send two messengers on white horses. Each messenger should wear a red rose on their lapel. It must be before or after noon time as the queen typically takes tea then.” Your nose scrunches as you recall all the rules you read.

“They’re rules are unusual,” Malleus murmurs. “But I’m sure this will help better our stance with the queen of hearts.”

“That’s what I hope. Anyways, I’m going to finish up some of the other paperwork. I’ll see you for dinner?” You usually don’t ask since he’s been joining you for breakfast and dinner as of late. However, you want him to catch up with everyone.

Smiling, he nods. “Of course.”

Giving him a wave, you and Diablo return to your study. You can feel the other three staring the entire time.

---

Once you disappear Lilia leans in close to Malleus. “It seems that the queen has finally come out of her frozen shell, hmm?”

“Sh-she called you by your first name…” Sebek mutters, bewildered.

“We’ve been getting to know each other,” the dragon king replies. He has a faint smile on his face as he stares off into the direction you went.

The three exchange looks. Silver clears his throat. “I’m glad to see you two are getting closer. And you seem more yourself, your majesty.”

Hand under his chin, he hums thoughtfully. “Now that you mention it, I do feel…lighter.”

“Hoho, to be young~!” Lilia teases.

Shaking his head, Malleus's smile falls into a serious expression. “Did you find anything?” Down to business. His eye flash green as he casts a silencing spell around them.

All three straighten up. Lilia speaks first. “Unfortunately, we do have some bad news about the queen’s parents. It’s too bad seeing as you two are getting along…” He sighs.

“Go on.” Malleus is stone faced as Lilia tells him the news.

[horrorsummerromance]

I think its already established that Daemi don't know how to write shit to save their lives. This just further cemented it.

I also think it's funny that one of the authors' favorite character is Vegas, so why the hell they would just make him suffer more and more... I don't know what to tell you. They just suck and I will not accept this as canon. Like there is just no reason to kill off Macau wtf... like, you leave fucking Venice (who provides very little to the plot) and kill off Macau??? Wtf wtf wtf wtf??? Nobody wants that fucking baby ffs, not even Vegas.

I think the authors may have a grudge against the cast/fandom considering all the controversies that have happened concerning them 2 so I think they're like "let's kill someone everyone cares about and actually like as payback! *evil laughter*" and everyone else KP, VP, KC are too important to the plot and the bodyguards aren't that much so they decided on Macau... oof

I think that if we get a S2, they will keep Macau's death, just make it better or have him die a noble death (just like how they changed it for Big- who ended up dying for Porsche- who was the actual traitor in the book instead of Ken) since I do think BOC may be obligated to follow the broad strokes of the novel and I don't think they have bought the rights off Daemi...

hiiii anon!!!

god i am MAD. like. idgaf about venice NO ONE gives a flying fuck about venice and YET!!!!!!!

they absolutely do not know how to write for their characters nor do they care much. so they kill off macau ... can you imagine the PAIN and ANGUISH that vegas would feel? at that point, knowing vegas as We know him, he himself wouldnt wanna live anymore, no matter if he has pete beside him or not. he was gonna blow his brains out just at his DAD dying and pete talked him down. i dont even think pete could talk him down if he saw macau comitting suicide in front of his eyes. like. what?? they wanna play the misery porn card on vegas????

and like. thats just vegas. who's a secondary thought rn. to me its more about macau. like. yes okay he is clinically depressed and on meds in the novel. and you know all this time since kp ended ive gone on and on and onnn about how much of a blank canvas macau was on the show and how if we ever got a s2, i wanna see macau be given depth and be explored more bc theres SO MUCH room and scope with him to do so. and like the novel, i'd wanna see macau go through these bouts of depression bc ... hell ... his entire life has just been one trauma after the next after the next laid upon him. its GOT to get to him. and i could just. so clearly picture what the plotline for macau can be if we got a s2. i could write it myself and do a better job!! and that would include not killing him off just to dump more pain on vegas and to give macau hope in wanting to live bc he has his big brother and his big brother has him!!! and he'd graduate from school and go to uni and make something of his life!!!!

but like. i just dont know. IF. we ever got a s2, would they write macau as being clinically depressed like in the novel. and of course there has to be (a) death involved in the show and WHO BETTER to kill off than macau, who's only attachment is with vegas and then pete and is a well-loved character. like i would Hope they would rewrite it all and Not have him die but then im like ... well someone has to die and whose death would twist the knife in more than macau's for the sake of Great Plot Writing and Advancement. i said it once before that i could so easily see a future scenario where pete and macau are both in some sorta danger and only one makes it out alive or vegas has to choose and that ties in with your idea of the Noble Death trope and macau probably dying that Noble Death. so either that, or they DO write macau as clincally depressed on the show and have him commit suicide, which idk if they will write him as that.

but yeah im just so ... Mad at this all. i wanna say yeah that yeah if we did get a s2, that they could rewrite this all and macau doesnt die but then ...... like. duh. its pretty obvious that macau's death would trigger and offset so much for the plot and facilitate it going forwards.

and fuck that. bc i LOVE macau so much and theres SO MUCH that can be done with him and explored with him that I COULD DO A BETTER JOB AT. like i said, yes, i wanna see macau be written as clinically depressed on the show just like the novel and for that and his headspace and character to be properly explored, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, be given hope of a hopeful ending for him!!!!!!!! ITS REALLY NOT THAT HARD TO DO YOU SICK FUCKS!!!

[rollerwavegallery]

Death Race 2000 (1975)

Along with Rollerball, Death Race 2000 is the other formative film of the Rollerwave aesthetic. It and Rollerball are really two sides of the same coin, and they share a lot in common- both being set in the 21st century, both being released the same year, and both dealing with an extremely dangerous sport that is used by an authoritarian government to placate the masses during a period of civic unrest. 

The key difference with Death Race 2000 is in presentation. I love this movie, it’s gaudy and self-aware, sometimes to the point of farce. Whereas Rollerball is bleak and heavy-handed, Death Race 2000, directed by cult cinema king Roger Corman, revels in the absurdity of its concept- a national cross-country race, held annually, where there are virtually no rules and points are awarded to whoever can mow down the most civilians during their journey from the East Coast to the West Coast.

With the iconic tagline “In the year 2000, hit and run driving is no longer a felony. It’s the national sport!” Death Race 2000 does not concern itself with the logistics of the hypothetical world it presents- why any society would promote such a ludicrous pastime, how hit-and-run has been accepted as a way of life, or why anyone would choose to walk out in the open during the day of the publicly announced event rather than just staying home. Unlike rollerball, which is theoretically a sport which can be played without any of its participants dying, the titular Death Race here is a plothole-laden carnival of madness, of freakish exhilaration and bloodsport. 

Like Rollerball, Death Race 2000 contains many scenes wherein the aesthetic of Rollerwave is on full display- particularly in the character of Junior Bruce, the manic wild-eyed TV announcer who has been adopted canonically as a sort of mascot for Rollerwave as a whole. His fashion choices are excessive to say the least, consisting of tinted aviator sunglasses, a tan jacket, leather safari boots, and a blazing orange kerchief. 

The film follows Frankenstein (David Carradine), a well-known and respected driver of malleable identity with plans to overthrow the system and end the spectacle, using his reputation as a weapon against the state that crafted his image in much the same way Jonathan from Rollerball does. Along the way, he and his navigator, Annie, experience a turbulent and poignant romantic subplot. The gender dynamics between the drivers and their navigators are a central theme of the film, as well as the societal mores and expectations of the year 2000, which appear entirely foreign to the people of 1975. 

The film is also notable for one of the earliest roles of Sylvester Stallone, here playing Machine Gun Joe Viterbo, a full year prior to his breakthrough as Rocky Balboa. Machine Gun Joe is a formidable secondary antagonist to Carradine’s Frankenstein- ruthless, power-hungry, and brutish. He appears seldom, but during his appearances leaves an impression on the viewer. 

The film’s cult status means that it is in fact part of a much larger franchise, consisting of the original 1975 film, the “Death Race” trilogy directed by video game schlock pioneer Paul W.S. Anderson and Roel Reine, and the much more faithful sequel with Roger Corman returning to the helm as director, Death Race 2050. Of all these films, however, only Death Race 2000 truly captures the Rollerwave aesthetic in all its glory. 

I’ll be honest here and say that Death Race 2000 is not a film for everyone. Same may find it excessively cartoonish, some may find Carradine boring while others may find the film’s gratuitous spectacle too abrasive. For those who have seen it, however, and those in the Rollerwave community, it remains a fascinating vision into a world that could have been. 

[jerzwriter]

Following the asks an anon send the other day about various situations of MC and Ethan being parents…What if Ethan/MC ’s child was conceived during reset times? What would the other do? Does it make a difference if they both find out before or after the chemical attack? Does it make a difference if it is from a random ONS or if the baby is Harper/Bryce ’s or someone close?

OK, Nonny, trying to follow here - and it seems like you were talking about Ethan/Kaycee's child, then it switched up. So I'm going to answer the best I can.

If Kaycee got pregnant by Ethan during the "reset" period, I think that would have ended the reset. IMO, they already knew they were meant for each other (Kaycee more than Ethan, who was in denial), and this would have brought it home.

The drama factor if it were before the attack, would be that Ethan would be doubly losing his mind if he believed she was dying. The secondary factor would be what impact the maitotoxin would have had on her pregnancy. This could be how everyone else found out, they had kept it on the down low, but now, he has to tell them. And... sorry... if I was writing this story (which is JUICY AS FUCK, and now I want to lol) she would lose the baby. It would make sense. It would be devastating to them because, even though they weren't ready for a child, they wanted it once they knew it was on the way. Plus, the pregnancy brought them back together, and now it's gone, so do they stay together? Does either get too scared and run? (God, this is delicious.)

If it was post-attack, the concern would be Kaycee's health so soon after the attack, but by this point, in my mind, the "reset" was finished, and they were together, official or not. At that point, there would be some minor freaking out, and then they'd be having a baby.

Now, what if Ethan got someone else pregnant? Of Kaycee got pregnant by someone else? YEESH! That would not be good. If Ethan got someone else pregnant, especially if it were Harper, that would spell the end of Ethan and Kaycee. There is no way he wouldn't be there for his child, and I think he'd want to try to make things work with the baby's mother. If it were Kaycee, I don't think she'd continue with the pregnancy at that juncture, particularly if it was a ONS (which I don't HC her as having, but we're not talking HC, so...). But let's say she got pregnant after a night with Bryce (or maybe Tobias 👀) It could be different. They may decide to have the baby... either together or apart. In that case, Ethan and Kaycee would also be over. He wouldn't be getting involved in that.

Sigh, that was not fun. :)

[daytonicuconsulting]

Sedation by Race: How Outdated ICU Practices Are Exacerbating Health Care Inequality for Hispanic Patients

Health care inequality in critical care medicine is multifactorial and negatively impacts patient outcomes [18].

During COVID-19, for instance, it was noted that Hispanic patients were more at risk of having severe COVID-19 infections, and despite their younger age, they had a higher mortality rate.

Socioeconomic disparities, lack of access to health care, timing, and quality of care all play a part in the contrast in outcomes for Hispanic patients in the ICU [14], and outdated sedation practices in the ICU are causing greater inequality in and after the ICU for Hispanic patients.

Fortunately, the ABCDEF Bundle has the power to decrease seven-day mortality by 68% [12], but compliance with the ABCDEF Bundle tends to be lower when it comes to the care Hispanic patients receive.

And although delirium doubles the risk of dying in the hospital, [15], Hispanic patients have half the odds of having delirium assessments performed when compared to non-Hispanic patients [5].

What’s more, benzodiazepines are known to increase ventilator-associated pneumonia, time on the ventilator and in the hospital, and they can also increase delirium [19] and mortality by about 20% [7]. However, during COVID-19, Hispanics were more likely to receive benzodiazepines than non-Hispanic patients [20].

But the health care inequality that we see in sedation practices is not unique to COVID-19.

A secondary analysis of data from the ROSE study [9], which evaluated the care of patients with ARDS during 2016-2018 revealed shocking revelations.

For example, despite deep sedation being an independent predictor of death [17], Hispanic patients were 5 times more likely to be deeply sedated than non-Hispanic patients [2], and the failure to practice the ABCDEF Bundle may be a significant contributing factor to the 44% increased mortality rate among Hispanic COVID-19 patients when compared to non-Hispanic White patients [14].

Sedation practices in the ICU can also exacerbate socioeconomic and health care inequality long after the ICU, not least because deep sedation is independently associated with delirium [13].

Delirium increases the risks of long-term cognitive impairments by 120 times [6] and increases the rate and severity of post-ICU PTSD [16]. These post-ICU cognitive and psychological impairments can have devastating impacts on employment and quality of life after a patient leaves the ICU.

The reality is 49% of patients who have suffered from ICU delirium are still newly unemployed 12 months after discharge [11].

What’s more, access to cognitive, physical, and psychological rehabilitation after the ICU may be limited for Hispanic ICU survivors, and financial support may be limited if they become disabled.

What’s Causing This Health Care Inequality for Hispanic Patients?

In Episode 115 of my Walking Home From The ICU podcast [4], Dr. Thomas Valley discusses the findings of his study that revealed the lethal disparities in sedation practices among Hispanic patients even before COVID-19 [2].

He speculated that a language barrier may lead to higher levels of sedation and the inability to screen for delirium, as many Hispanic patients may not speak English and do not have a way to understand and communicate with their health care providers.

This inability to report pain, needs, wants, and concerns, and to have questions addressed, can escalate anxiety and agitation, influencing clinicians to continue and even increase sedation.

Nurses have reported that their primary method of non-verbal communication in the ICU with intubated patients is reading patients’ lips, thumbs up or down, and head nodding [1], mainly because their health system fails to provide evidence-based resources or education on best practices and despite four decades of research reporting these methods are wrought with error and are ineffective [21].

Inadequate for most patients, these methods are simply not feasible options for patients who do not understand or speak English, and the inability to communicate when critically ill can have deadly repercussions.

It’s been shown, for instance, that problems with communication in the ICU can cause a threefold increased risk of having an adverse event and can also make patients 26% more likely to suffer multiple adverse events [3].

Communication is a basic human right [8], and the lack of ICU communication solutions for all patients, regardless of race, language, and ability to verbalize is a human rights violation that exacerbates racial disparities in health care and worsens outcomes in the ICU.

To not pursue all means to establish effective communication for these patients is no less neglectful than to leave a patient febrile or hypotensive.

That being said, while there may have been a rationale for ineffective ICU communication to be the expected norm for intubated patients three or four decades ago, we now know how to address this issue, and not addressing it with an evidence-based approach, like the one provided by the ABCDEF Bundle, is nothing short of neglect.

The ABCDEF Bundle is the roadmap to saving and preserving lives for all patients, regardless of race, during and after the ICU.

The goal of this approach is “to produce patients who are more awake, cognitively engaged, and physically active” [12] and to “facilitate patient autonomy and the ability to express unmet physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.”

It is impossible to fully optimize and apply the ABCDEF Bundle if access to communication is not available for each patient in their own language.

Bridging the ICU communication gap will help bring better equity to care and outcomes for Hispanic patients. And if you want to reduce sedation exposure, start by reducing the need for it by ensuring intubated patients are communicating effectively.

VidaTalk Offers a Solution

For many patients, having access to communication with health care providers can be the difference between life and death.

Being able to effectively communicate allows them to understand their situation, be informed and empowered to make decisions for their care, and have pain and anxiety adequately treated.

At the same time, it also enables them to be awake and mobile while intubated, which can drastically improve their opportunity to survive and thrive both during and after the ICU.

With that in mind, I am ecstatic to share a solution to this problem in the form of a software tool called VidaTalk.

VidaTalk is the only tool that provides non-verbal communication for intubated patients in over 40 different languages [10].

If your team is interested in providing more equitable, ethical, and humane practices in your ICU, Dayton ICU Consulting and VidaTalk are ready to help.

For a free demo of VidaTalk and consultation with Dayton ICU Consulting, email info@daytonicuconsulting.com or schedule a free consultation today.

‌

References:

Al-Yahyai, R., Arulappan, R., & Matua, G.A., et al. (2021). Communicating to Non-Speaking Critically Ill Patients: Augmentative and Alternative Communication Technique as an Essential Strategy. SAGE Open Nursing, 7.

Armstrong-Hough, M., Lin, P., Venkatesh, S., Ghous, M., Hough, C. L., Cook, S. H., Iwashyna, T. J., & Valley, T. S. (2024). Ethnic Disparities in Deep Sedation of Patients with Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome in the United States: Secondary Analysis of a Multicenter Randomized Trial. Annals of the American Thoracic Society, Advance online publication.

Bartlett, G., Blais, R., Tamblyn, R., Clermont, R. J., & MacGibbon, B. (2008). Impact of patient communication problems on the risk of preventable adverse events in acute care settings. Canadian Medical Association Journal, 178(12), 1555–1562.

Dayton, K. (2022). Episode 115: Sedation By Race. Walking Home From The ICU.

DeMellow, J. M., Kim, T. Y., Romano, P. S., Drake, C., & Balas, M. C. (2020). Factors associated with ABCDE bundle adherence in critically ill adults requiring mechanical ventilation: An observational design. Intensive and Critical Care Nursing, 60, 102873.

Dziegielewski, C., et al. (2021). Delirium and associated length of stay and costs in critically ill patients. Critical Care Research and Practice.

Lee, H., Choi, S., Jang, E. J., Lee, J., Kim, D., Yoo, S., Oh, S. Y., & Ryu, H. G. (2021). Effect of Sedatives on In-hospital and Long-term Mortality of Critically Ill Patients Requiring Extended Mechanical Ventilation for ≥ 48 Hours. Journal of Korean Medical Science, 36(34), e221.

Mcleod, S. (2018). Communication rights: Fundamental human rights for all. International Journal of Speech-Language Pathology, 20(1), 3–11.

The National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute PETAL Clinical Trials Network. (2019). Early Neuromuscular Blockade in the Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. New England Journal of Medicine, 380(21), 1997–2008.

News – Vidatak. https://vidatak.com/ (n.d.)

Norman, B. C., Jackson, J. C., Graves, J. A., Girard, T. D., Pandharipande, P. P., Brummel, N. E., Wang, L., Thompson, J. L., Chandrasekhar, R., & Ely, E. W. (2016). Employment Outcomes After Critical Illness: An Analysis of the Bringing to Light the Risk Factors and Incidence of Neuropsychological Dysfunction in ICU Survivors Cohort. Critical Care Medicine, 44(11), 2003–2009.

Ely, E. W., et al. (2019). Caring for Critically Ill Patients with the ABCDEF Bundle: Results of the ICU Liberation Collaborative in Over 15,000 Adults. Critical Care Medicine, 47(1), 3–14.

Rasulo, F. A., Badenes, R., Longhitano, Y., Racca, F., Zanza, C., Marchesi, M., Piva, S., Beretta, S., Nocivelli, G. P., Matta, B., Cunningham, D., Cattaneo, S., Savioli, G., Franceschi, F., Robba, C., & Latronico, N. (2022). Excessive Sedation as a Risk Factor for Delirium: A Comparison between Two Cohorts of ARDS Critically Ill Patients with and without COVID-19. Life, 12(12), 2031.

Ricardo, A. C., Chen, J., Toth-Manikowski, S. M., Meza, N., Joo, M., Gupta, S., et al. (2022). Hispanic ethnicity and mortality among critically ill patients with COVID-19. PLoS ONE, 17(5), e0268022.

Salluh, J., et al. (2015). Outcome of delirium in critically ill patients: systematic review and meta-analysis. British Medical Journal, 350.

Schelling, G., Stoll, C., Haller, M., Briegel, J., Manert, W., Hummel, T., Lenhart, A., Heyduck, M., Polasek, J., Meier, M., Preuss, U., Bullinger, M., Schüffel, W., & Peter, K. (1998). Health-related quality of life and posttraumatic stress disorder in survivors of the acute respiratory distress syndrome. Critical Care Medicine, 26(4), 651–659.

Shehabi, Y., Bellomo, R., Reade, M. C., Bailey, M., Bass, F., Howe, B., McArthur, C., Seppelt, I. M., Webb, S., Weisbrodt, L., Sedation Practice in Intensive Care Evaluation (SPICE) Study Investigators, & ANZICS Clinical Trials Group (2012). Early Intensive Care Sedation Predicts Long-Term Mortality in Ventilated Critically Ill Patients. American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine, 186(8), 724–731.

Soto, G. J., Martin, G. S., & Gong, M. N. (2013). Healthcare Disparities in Critical Illness. Critical Care Medicine, 41(12), 2784–2793.

Spiegler, P. (2014). Benzodiazepines in the ICU: Enough Is Enough!. Clinical Pulmonary Medicine, 21(6), 288–289.

Valley, T. S., Iwashyna, T. J., Cook, S., Hough, C. L., & Armstrong-Hough, M. (2021). Associations Among Patient Race, Sedation Practices, and Mortality in a Large Multi-Center Registry of COVID-19 Patients. American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine, 203(9).

Happ, M. B. (2021). Giving Voice: Nurse-Patient Communication in the Intensive Care Unit. American Journal of Critical Care, 30(4), 256–265.

[oumaheroes]

Do you have more headcanons about North Ireland? Does he have any human friends and if yes did they meet the rest of his brothers? It's probably even stranger if he says that he is an uncle lol

I actually have a long held headcanon that North is (according to Scotland) uncomfortably too friendly with humans

North's at that age all children, nation or otherwise, go through in that they prefer the company of their peers to anyone else

This is fine. That is normal. But the kicker for poor North is that he doesn't really have any peers.

His brothers are not only physically and mentally older, but they're centuries older. They have shared memories and experiences and cultural touchstones that North can't even phantom and even the 'younger' nations still have centuries on him. How can he relate to a teenaged Wales' problems, when Wales as a physically 15 year old boy was dying of the plague or being peppered with arrows in a mud pit somewhere on the regular? England's version of 'too cold' means hypothermia and Scotland didn't have the luxury of being bored. Hungry? Hungry? Hungry for Ireland means an entirely different thing, quite whining and wait two bleeding hours until dinner

There are younger ones about like Sealand, sure, but he's too young. Young and well established as the acceptable baby of the family. North's this awkward Larry loner who is a sibling of ancients whilst also being younger than their children so he doesn't have that many peers of his own kind to connect to. He's growing up in the modern age which has seen more domestic change in 200 years than any other period of human existence and no one else can relate his childhood, his humour, or to what he deems as important

Humans can

But this is okay. Despite these differences, all nations have a fascination with humans, their own especially. They may be old but they're still people and all nations enjoy the company of humans to some degree.

Scotland's concern is that North seems to prefer this a bit too much.

North enrolls himself in college or 6th form (if he thinks he can get away with it) or the last few years of secondary school frequently as a new student to make new friends and form social circles. It's hard because he has to eventually let things peeter out- when his baby face doesn't age and he doesn't gain those extra inches in height that his peers do- but modern technology and messaging systems means that he can keep in touch a little bit longer than previous years

Wales and England don't mind this. Wales because Wales is empathetic enough anyway to understand that North needs this connection that he cannot personally give, and England because he's t r y i n g to be a better guardian... thing. He wants to give North space and time to explore and, as an ex- lonely child who struggled to connect with his peers himself, he is happy North can

Scotland, however, is horrified.

It's not right to be so reliant on humans. They're fun and they're nice company but it's not the same. Humans can't understand how heavy time is, can't relate to the press and pull of history. Can't know how it feels to sense a culture and the bear that responsibility. He's worried, at the end of the day, that North is cutting himself off too much and if he doesn't try to make connections with other nations now, then he'll only struggle more later. Plus there's the heartbreak of constantly having to let good friends go and he'd rather North be spared from that pain, if possible

Scotland is the one who badgers North the most about being on his phone or online and is also the one most likely to drag him along to meetings to socialise with their own kind (explore more in Reset, chapter 8). He's not too overbearing about it (he hasn't and won't ban North from doing anything) but he's made his opinion on the matter clear and often nags

As for whether North's friends have met his brothers- probably. No more than once or twice per brother though. North likes to keep his two lives seperate and they're his friends- he can be Sean around them. Not North, not a younger brother or strange young uncle or that nation attached to the UK, but himself. And he likes to keep it that way

Same then too for do his friends know much about his family. It's minimal.

Sean lives with his brothers who, suspiciously/ coincidentally/ thankfully are rarely there when his friends visit but that's probably the most that they know. North's smart enough to know that keeping information he gives out to a minimum is the best way for him to seamlessly blend in without too many questions but, if concerns are ever raised about his well-being from well meaning friends, he'll pull in England or Wales to spend time with him at his or invite one of them to a public event to stave off social services

[writingwithcolor]

Writing a Mixed-Race Lesbian in Victorian England: Navigating Queerness, Race, & Rejection

@an-unseemly-gentleman​ submitted:

Hello! This blog and mod team are amazing! I have a question I have struggled to find previous asks for.

I have a story set in late victorian Scotland and a central character is half English (father) and half Chinese (mother) but due to her mother dying in childbirth and her father being a sailor. She was raised by her white great aunt in rural England and so is disconnected from her mothers culture and she feels that disconnect deeply. This is exasperated by being a lesbian and so feeling dosconected from the white christian culture she is being raised in too. Her father later rejected her as his daughter and does not aknowledge her after re-marrying. This hurt her as a child but thinks of it as a blessing as an adult as she owes him no loyalty. Disconect is a theme shared between all the character and she bonds with the MC through both being gay and not having their parents in their lives. With all this being said, I am concerned I am telling a story that is not mine to tell. Do you have any guidence for avoiding or remedying racist tropes with this back story and how this would effect someone?

Side note. In the actualy story i have no intention of having her face any racism or microagreasions as its completly unnecessary even for ‘historical accuracy’. This is all in her backstory that is revealed through conversation she has with other characters.

I greatly value this groups advice and I fully intend to take everything you have to say on-board.

First Things First: Race

First, I personally very much dislike this textbook Tragic Mulatto backstory that you’ve set up for this character. Sailor/expat white father? Tragic POC mother? *Yawn.* White parents rejecting their mixed children is a horrible (and really, overdone) plot device that has a long IRL history. And for some reason, monoracial people are obsessed with it. Even if the father’s reasons for rejecting her are unrelated (eg. if she were born out of wedlock, etc) the associations are subtextual and cannot be erased (especially in the born-out-of-wedlock example lol). Unless you’re mixed-race, don’t go here, please. 

Beyond that, I wonder if these struggles with identity are even something you would see at all for mixed race individuals in the time period. Your description of your character’s internal conflict sounds very modern to me. I’d wager that she would focus on her difficulty with being accepted into monoracial society (especially in the time of miscegenation laws) rather than worry about losing touch with her heritage. Even as recent as the 80s, the concern was more with xenophobia rather than embracing difference/diversity (eg. one of my older coworkers gave her half-Japanese daughter an English name & didn’t teach her Japanese for fear of discrimination, and connection to Japanese culture was secondary if not tertiary). 

But this is also the reason that I say that I’m very uncomfortable with an outsider writing this story. In your attempt at avoiding a tragedy exploitation story (which, considering the parental backstory it was a rather poor attempt), you’ve swerved into an identity story. Please read through our Can I Write About X tag. 

Historical Considerations

Research real LGBT history in the Victorian era to see the ways in which people we’d consider queer today navigated society, labels, family, and interpersonal relationships. Consider this: 

What married individuals did behind closed doors was no one’s business, as long as it wasn’t made public and as long as they followed all the rules (have children, fulfill your role in society, etc.). 

Even then, bachelor and spinster cultures were a thing, and there was a place in society for unmarried individuals (even if it wasn’t the ideal). 

However, acceptance significantly depended on social class and ethnicity.

The MC’s awareness of the cultural whiteness and cultural Christianity of her society seems unrealistic to me as well; it’s kind of a This Is Water type of situation, and most people in the 21st century don’t even have awareness of cultural christianity. Queer culture wasn’t as activist-oriented as it is today. 

Your MC is more likely to be conscious of the distinctions between different Christian sects, and their varying places in society, and may feel alienated by certain religious teachings rather than meditate on the hegemonic institution that is the Church. 

Despite institutional barriers and “don’t talk about it” social taboo, queer people back then found their own communities and subcultures to thrive in, and I think it is a much more radical and compelling story to depict that. 

If you’re wlw and you still would like to write an angst narrative, that is OwnVoices and your prerogative of course, but just know that 1) the experience didn’t look at all like the way homophobia does today, so you need more research, and 2) historical suffering narratives are also just as overdone, and don’t capture the nuanced joys and hurdles of queer life before the contemporary age. 

I can’t see this story working out in the temporal context that it’s in. The struggle themes you’ve set up simply aren’t compatible, or aren’t particularly interesting. I’d encourage you to start doing extra reading, or better yet, reconsider your setting and premise. You can write a nice, queer, found-family bonding narrative that discusses community, disconnection, and religion without the complications we’ve discussed above. 

~ Mod Rina

[littlespoonevan]

I haven’t seen anyone else mention the mri and I am!! So nervous!! If they give Bobby cancer or some shit after his arc in s1 thinking he was dying and then seasons of recovery from his headspace I’m actually going to riot

believe me, anon, i'm also very concerned about the mri asjdfhd something about it felt quite pointed? like the way they mentioned his leg hurting and how bobby insisted he didn't need it until may argued back. i would really hope they wouldn't go down the route of cancer or anything like that just because 911 is ultimately a show about hope and redemption so i can't imagine them having bobby suffer to a great extent (like if they did it at all i'd imagine it as something similar to owen's storyline in s1 of LS)

tbh what my mind went to was him getting shot in 4x14 because like. that happened askdjfh and with all the parallels between bobby and eddie this season and how the shooting was ultimately the beginning of eddie's unravelling it would be interesting if something about it causes issues for bobby now??? because bobby getting shot was very much secondary in comparison to eddie and almost a non-entity?? so if it suddenly came back to haunt bobby in a subtler way (like internal damage or something that could've been impacted by the ceiling collapse) than it did eddie, it could offer some incredible parallels

whatever happens though, i firmly believe he'll be okay at the end of it all!! hopefully we're just overreacting lmao 💗

[septembersghost]

i’ll say this once publicly and never again

andr*w d*bb is not some secret crusading hero, he has had intense disdain for and disrespect towards dean from the very beginning of his tenure with this show in S4, he has done everything in his power to destroy his characterization, relegate him to a secondary role, treat him like a useless fool, villainize him for his rational reactions, and strip him of his character traits. look at the entire storyline with jack for the most abundant evidence of this. tell me it didn’t exist to shame dean for his feelings. to shame dean for not reacting in the “correct” way. to shame dean for being a “bad” parent (do not get me started on the implications with that and how it’s much worse because of dean’s frequent caregiver role in the narrative and his parentification, so not being the “good” role model/parent for jack and some of the events that follow gets us really into the weeds with medea-like undercurrents and was setting fans up to hate him). I saw people wish death on dean all season. pull up comments throughout S15 and you’ll see so many “he’s so mean to (insert jack or cas or sam here), i can’t stand him, i hope he dies” comments. the internet was especially overflowing with death wishes after 15x17. please look at “the hero’s journey” when he stripped the winchesters’ inherent skills away and attributed all of their smarts and strengths and capability to divine intervention, thus rendering their status as skilled warriors inert. and now we know that wasn’t accidental. they were setting it up. make him seem damaged, broken, wrong. tell him his remarkable resiliency and abilities were never actually his. reiterate that he’s too poisonous, too angry. then tell him...he’s actually done everything for love. force him to pay penance (to watch cas die, to get beaten to a pulp by god himself, take your pick.) and once he is thoroughly trampled under the wheel of that guilt, instead of giving him resolution and love in return, put him back where he started, entirely defined by his caretaker role, entirely defined by the person he gave everything for, and tell him he’s right, that’s all he ever was or had, he deserved to die bloody and scared. (i beg of you, do not twist his death into dying for love, for sam or for cas, because that’s even worse. he deserved to live for love, he died for nothing.) there’s so much to unpack here with ideas about sin and ideas about sacrifice and ideas about the use of feminine-coding leading to, essentially, a fridging, that if i tried to enumerate them, this would become a dissertation, and it’s already too damn long.

the finale was the last chance to crush dean and make everything about sam, who is, in d*bb’s mind, the real protagonist. this is not news to us, he has slighted dean many times. (d*bb could also never keep the lore straight. dude introduced a multiverse - a. multiverse. - into supernatural). and you may say, why did you watch his era, then? and i’d say, i still watched it for dean, because i could never leave him behind. i watched because i believed in and cared about the story. i watched because i could always find some meaning there. so i guess this was the reward for that decision.

this was always the intended ending. the details of getting there may have slightly changed, but the destination didn’t. jensen has told us this. there’s a reason it didn’t sit well with him from the very beginning, and it had nothing to do with cas (as is quite obvious given jensen’s enthusiasm for the confession scene), it had to do with the fact that they were gutting a character who he spent 15 years pouring his heart and soul into, going above and beyond to define him and nurture him and bring him wholly to life, who he considers part of himself, who he’s referred to as his “first love” and his “best (imaginary) friend,” and they told him, “here’s the ending, take it or leave it,” and they told him, when he expressed serious unsettled concerns, “you’re too close to this/too emotional,” until he had no choice but to accept that this was happening, that dean’s entire arc was going to mean nothing and that he just had to deal with it. 

he could reciprocate to cas ten different ways and he’d still be dead. reciprocation actually makes his death even worse and even more malicious and disgusting and even more hollow but let’s not go there.

any version of this story that ended with its traumatized, battle-scarred, compassionate heart never being allowed the time to heal or recover, never being allowed to live, being impaled in a frankly, ridiculous, gratuitous way (that thing was only there to kill him, it served no other function, and suddenly dean forgets what a great tactician he is? i guess because his skills weren’t “real.” and suddenly dean, who we know, without question, wants to live now. wants to keep moving forward. has reasons to choose life. wants those sacrifices to mean something. dean winchester. gives up?) is unconscionable. any version of that which tries to tell us he could only find peace in stepford heaven is abominable. it doesn’t matter who's there to greet you when you’re dead at 41 with your whole life having been ripped away from you. they’d be there to greet you if you lived another fifty years, too, and that would be much more satisfying. and there are other implications - dean is taken forever. that light is snuffed out and leaves a chasm of loss in his wake. to the point where we know people are going to die because he’s dead. because sam lives a half-life until the day he too is dead and they can be together. 

think about the real world implications - we don’t have literal monsters to fight here, but this story was never about that. it was always about overcoming all the hurt and the fear and the shadows of our inner demons, really. they said - don’t bother. it doesn’t matter anyway. all that fighting and bleeding and trying so hard and loving so, so much. it doesn’t matter. but we know that’s not true. we know dean’s life was precious. we know dean’s life mattered irrevocably. we know he should have been allowed to live. to imply, in any way, that those of us who identify with him are just too broken to find peace and enjoy freedom and give love and be accepted is, again, unconscionable. we only have this one life. that’s all we know for sure. no one is too broken to love or to live.

this is on d*bb and s*nger and everyone else who signed off on this idea before j2 even walked into that writers’ room in july 2019. there’s weird, questionable stuff going on with the 11 missing shots and different dubs and knowing takes were changed or cut, whatever else, but we were always going to end up here. with a man who has probably been planning to do this to dean for years. who likely thinks it’s edgy and subversive. one of the other writers literally tweeted that, “it always had to end for him like this” and defended it as the “right” ending. this is how they viewed him. this is all they believe he was capable of or deserved. there’s nothing wrong with holding them accountable for it

[microcroft]

Speaking of Merlin fics, if you don't mind, do you have any recommendations? I'd really appreciate it since Big ADHD means I have little patience for finding good ones -.-'

okay this was sent back in april but tumblr is garbage and i didn't see i had any new messages until right now?? im so sorry Anyway i fuckin get that my dude, except like my adhd does the opposite specifically with merlin fanfiction for the past year which has been my hyperfixation and i have been using to cope with a multitude of issues so you are in luck (if you still want recommendations) because i created a collection of my favorite fics that i am adding to a lot because i read a, quite frankly, concerning amount of merlin fics (there are some non merlin/arthur in it but its mostly merlin/arthur fics)

https://archiveofourown.org/collections/bestfunnylittlemagictwinkfics but more specifically, the ones that immediately come to mind are the long but very good ones that live rent free in my mind, in no particular order, there are a bunch in the collection which are just as good but I am really tired right now and dont want to make this post extremely long so I just want to make sure you (and whoever else may be reading this) know about these ones:

Born of Magic - "Set after 1x13. When Arthur learns he is of magic, he decides it's time to grow out of Uther's shadows. Secrets are revealed, and Arthur comes to learn just how far his father is willing to go in his war against magic. With Merlin on his side, can Arthur build the kingdom he was destined to create?" Arthur has his own cool special brand of Once and Future King magic, merlin also he is adopted by a unicorn.

Para Bellum - "After Merlin goes missing, Arthur forges new alliances to repel a deadly threat to Camelot. Nothing will stop Arthur from finding Merlin, and nothing will stop Merlin from protecting Arthur -- no matter the cost." I will never get enough married Merlin and Arthur fics and this is

The Care and Keeping of Camelot - "With Arthur dead, Camelot's destiny has soured--if it was ever any good to begin with. Gwen is fed up with grief and mediocrity and takes matters into her own hands, returning to the start to make a better Camelot or break history trying. Knighthood, rekindling her first love, and Merlin's silly almanac are all just byproducts." Post Canon Gwen is sent back in time by Merlin fix Camelot using what they learned. Featuring Morgana and Gwen having homoerotic sword fighting lessons and Merlin and Gwen's mlm/wlw solidarity.

For Want of A Nail- "Fleeing from Essetir in the bloody beginnings of the Purge, Hunith finds herself on the doorstep of old friends. That's all it takes to untangle the skeins of destiny and weave a new tapestry." Canon rewrite set in an alternate universe where Merlin grows up with Leon as his adoptive big brother, he has a very good dog, he and Leon give morgana a puppy for her birthday (very important to me), there's a whole lot of pagan rituals (which i fucking love), and merlin is a badass with a staff and throwing knives.

pretty much every CaffeinatedFlumadiddle merlin fic I have read, they are genuine comedic gold and so fucking well written it blows my mind. but out of all of their fics my faves are: Calling the Middle Man (Lancelot's characterization in my head is now entirely based upon this fic) and Thick as Sorcerers (the cat scene had me dying, and also gwen and elyan's dynamic in this fic is so fucking good)

Next to You (It's The Rule) - In which Merlin and Arthur are pining for each other and basically married, and everyone knows it, Merlin is a little shit, and all of Camelot and other kingdoms love him and see him as their ruler because he is honestly running half the kindom. Merlin and Arthur cant cope with being separated from each other, and when they get into a fight the whole kingdom goes into a panic.

(how do i do a secondary bullet???) (i really do love this fic so much, i love reading merlin and arthur being dumbasses together and co-running camelot and the majority of this fic is so unique, funny and like exactly what i look for in fics, so please dont brush it off just based off of this but i want to state that im not a fan of the genuinely-calling-merlin-queen bit. it was funny at the beginning but it did get taken a bit too far at the end in my opinion. i get that it is fantasy medieval times and it makes sense that people probably dont quite grasp that there can be two kings, i could write a whole essay on this topic but in the end it does make me feel uncomfortable, a bit like forcing heteronormativity when you dont have to because its fantasy medieval times not actual medieval times, and misgendering- it honestly did trigger my dysphoria a bit at the end but there is so much in this fic that is so good I can't not recommend it.)

okay there we go im cutting myself off now. if you want any more fics or to talk about merlin at all hmu i mostly just send shit to my friend who has never watched the show but probably has an extensive knowledge on it just from the shit i have been sending her like every day for the past year lmao.

[stormhaven13]

Alright. We have arrived. I am beginning the Survivor. Let’s talk about why Ikrie is my favorite character in the game other than Aloy. And to do that we're actually going to do a little story time of the first time I played Horizon. This is going to get long, so bear with me. I finally figured out how to do a read more, so the rest of this is under the cut.

So, when I first played her quests, I didn't fall in love with Ikrie. I liked her quite a bit, but it was just kind of casual, oh this character seems pretty cool. But I then went on and played more of the main quest of the Frozen Wilds, and Ikrie went into the back of my head. She'll come back, don't worry.

After I wrapped up playing this game, I do what I often do after a really good game or story, and I took some time to reflect on exactly why I loved this game so much. I've talked quite a bit about how much I adore this game's plot and world building, but I still think the number one reason for me is Aloy. I just love her character, I love her arc, I love the relationships she builds over the game, I love her design, pretty much everything about her is amazing to me. I also realized something super interesting, for me. I headcanoned Aloy as ace.

Now, I know this isn't that uncommon a thing, but I myself am ace, but I actually almost never think of characters as ace. I don't really know why, I just never have, which is especially strange, as being ace is the part of my identity I've understood the longest. Aloy is the first character in a very long time that I thought of as ace, just on my own. This intrigued me, and I went looking for fanwork, just to see what other people's takes on Aloy were, to see if there was more about this character that would resonate for me. And that's where I found the thing. The thing that opened my mind to how incredible Ikrie is.

I'll link it at the end of this, but I found a fanfic called Put Your Spear Beside Mine, and the characterization just blew me away. It looks at how alone Aloy feels, with no one to share all of the crazy things she learns over this game, and the dynamic between Aloy and Ikrie is just incredible. It explores how they are both basically outsiders with their clans, that they do not really believe in the laws and beliefs of their tribes. You may notice that this mold fits almost all of my favorite characters in Horizon, and yeah, I'm aware, but Ikrie ticks a lot of the same boxes as Aloy does for me.

While Aloy is not portrayed as ace in this fic, it opened up a whole new thing that I had loved about her, but hadn't been able to really vocalize, and now Ikrie was now balled up in all that. She has so many similarities to Aloy, with just a few key differences that just. Really hit home for me. She has a very close friend that just cannot understand her, and ends up leaving her. Rather than being alone from the beginning, she had a place where she was supposed to belong, but never quite did, but tried so hard to do it anyway. I know I say Aloy is autistic a lot, but those things just hit me very hard in a way that Aloy's permanent isolation never quite can.

And do I ship Aloy/Ikrie? I mean, yeah, I do, but that's honestly secondary to everything else, shipping Aloy with anyone was never my main concern honestly. I just love both their characters, I love how they are so close in characterization except for these key things that really do change them quite drastically.

Aloy will always be my favorite here, she's the protagonist, we see so much more of her, my headcanons for her are just so close to my heart, I probably dyed my hair red because of her she's just great okay? But Ikrie is caught up in all of that too, partially due to the ideas in that fanfic, but mostly because of the character that's already there.

Here's the fic in question, I highly recommend giving it a read, it just shows so much of what I love of these characters. And yes, this is why I think the Frozen Wilds should take place post game, this is the entire reason. Only warning to give with this is there is some smut in a few different parts, so if that's not your thing you should be aware of that. But this fic just showcases so much of what I love about these two characters, and you should absolutely give it a read. Also, @pikapeppa, who is the author, you're incredible and thank you for writing this.

But yeah, this has been why Ikrie is so important to me! I'm sure I'll say more as I play through the quest, but if you got this far, thanks for sticking with me!

[tommodirection]

18

Louis Tomlinson x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: swearing, pining

Masterlist

A/N: Heylo! I hope you enjoy this! I had the idea after seeing an ad about an internship, and so this fic blossomed! I’d recommend listening to 18 by One Direction while reading if you want! It’s truly one of my favorite One Direction songs! Thank you, and have a nice day! ❤️💕🥰

—

You didn’t expect much out of your internship at the network. You thought you’d just be another coffee girl, not actually getting the experience you wanted.

But what you didn’t expect was to be put as an assistant on the X-Factor, especially when you were straight out of school, only just having turned eighteen.

You were meant to do behind-the-scenes work, which included interviews, managing hair, costume, and makeup, and sending the contestants on stage.

It was astonishing, almost unbelievable, but you were grateful for the opportunity. Honestly, you loved the job. You got paid, you were now getting the experience you wanted, you met new people every night, and the most important thing, you were doing what you loved.

The downside of the job was the nerves that overwhelmed you each time you walked in and a contestant wasn’t ready, or each time a judge came to lecture you about the presentation of a contestant. But nothing you had ever managed before would ever prepare you for what you were about to encounter.

You were assigned to managing the boys’ group at boot camp.

At first, you were excited for the new leadership opportunity, but your anxiety sank in when you realized what you were meant to do.

You were supposed to be managing all of the boys, still managing everything, but that also meant you’d be having to actually deal with them. For five hours straight.

You had grown a tolerance for people after working with some of the tech crew for the show, but even your secondary school years couldn’t prepare you for this.

You stepped out onto the stage, standing tall, clutching your clipboard tightly to your chest. The boys were all chatting and laughing with each other, none having noticed you yet.

Your eyes drifted around the room, seeing boys in little clumps, from one group you heard someone playing the guitar, that crowd being the largest.

There were a few stranglers, some standing by themselves, heads down, hands tucked in their pockets.

You stood, waiting for someone to notice you, but a minute passed and no one seemed to acknowledge you, although it didn’t help that you were shorter than half the boys in the room.

You cleared your throat, quietly at first to see who was listening, no one turned their heads.

You cleared your throat a few more times, louder with each one, but no one even turned their head. This was going to be harder than you thought.

You had enough, resorting to the thing you hated most. Yelling.

You pressed your lips into a firm lime, taking a deep breath before letting it out. “Hey!” You yelled above the noise, a majority of the boys going quiet and the chatter quickly dying out.

Most of them had turned their attention to you, and few still refusing to look up. You waited for everyone to be quiet, but someone had to ruin it.

“Hey! Shouldn’t you be with the girls group?” A boy wondered aloud, several boys nodding in agreement. “I think you lost your way, sweetheart, you don’t belong here!” He shouted louder, a few boys chuckling along with him. “Don’t seem too smart, do ya?” This caused more boys to join in with the chuckling, although most stayed quiet.

You bit your lip, waiting impatiently for them to finish, “Actually,” you started, “I’m going to be your manager for the day, I’ll be in charge of everything you’ll be doing,” you cocked your head to the side, “I’m not lost, and I’m not dumb, you aren’t the first to underestimate me, and you won’t be the last,” you addressed the boy directly, “you aren’t anything special,” you gave a, fake, polite smile. You turned back to the group, “Anymore questions?”

One of the stranglers raised his hand, you pointed to him, and he squinted at you, “I don’t mean any offense, but how old are you? You seem a bit young to be running something this big,” he said, chewing on his lip.

“Well, you aren’t really wrong, I am a bit young, I’m eighteen years old, but just because a few of you may be older than me, don’t think I’m any less in charge,” you confirmed, giving a curt nod to the boy.

Another boy raised his hand, this one caught your eye. He had on a red beanie, brown hair peeking out from under the material. He had the most piercing blue eyes, ones that made you bite the inside of your cheek to control yourself. “Yes?” You asked, holding the clipboard tighter.

“What’s your name?” He asked, a small smile on his face.

You were taken back, no one ever asked your name at these types of events, they usually just called you ‘lady’ or ‘hey you’ but no one ever wanted your name. A gentle smile settled on your lips.

“My name is Y/N, Y/N L/N.”

—

Not long after the boot camp. You found yourself behind the curtain, watching as the judge’s made their decision on who would move forward. You stood next to Dermontt, jittering.

Your eyes were locked on the boy, who you had learned to be Louis. You had bonded, he was one of the only boys genuinely interested in how you got where you were, and so a friendship blossomed.

Each name that wasn’t Louis’ made your heart sink lower and lower, your best tightening when they got down to the final name. You held your breath, clutching on the pillar next to you, you tried to ignore the cackling from the makeup crew behind you.

They called the final name, and it wasn’t Louis. You gaped and he looked over at you, giving you a small smile, a sad one. You frowned, and waved him over, forgetting about the whole televised contest thing. He nodded in the judges’ direction, reminding you that he was being televised. You nodded in understanding, and felt Dermontt’s eyes watching you.

You snapped your head in his direction, he smirked and pointed to the boys, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

You rolled your eyes, despite the small truth behind his suggestion. Yes, you had gotten close with Louis, he was perfect. He was funny, kind, charming, sweet, polite, and not to mention deathly handsome, which also meant you had caught feelings, nothing too strong, but each time you looked at him, you felt yourself flush. So nothing to be concerned about.

The judges finished their heartfelt speech, and the boys made their way off the stage, all of the already crying, although you could tell Louis was trying to hide it.

You opened your arms when he was a few feet away from you. He collapsed into you, burying his head in your neck.

“I tried so hard, Y/N,” he mumbled, his voice cracking.

You stroked his head, trying to soothe him, “I know Lou, I know,” you whispered, your knees almost buckling when you felt a wet patch forming on your shoulder.

But unfortunately, you still had a job to do.

You held onto Louis, turning your head to your cameraman, pointing to the contestants, hinting to get interviews. You didn’t think it was morally right, but your superiors had ordered it, claiming something about getting a sob story. The cameraman nodded, then making his way around the boys, getting reactions out of each of them.

About fifteen minutes later, the boys were told to gather backstage for an announcement, and you were told to bring the cameras.

You walked with Louis, keeping a hand on his back as you walked. You gestured to all the cameras around you, ushering them to follow you.

When you arrived where the other boys were, you let go of Louis, pushing him into the crowd. He gave you a nervous smile, and turned to face the director.

He began calling names, among these were Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, and Louis. On that day, One Direction was formed.

You had plenty of fun memories on X-Factor with the boys. You had grown close, they were like your brothers at this point, well, Louis definitely did not feel like a brother.

One of your favorite memories from the X-Factor is when you were put in charge of filing the boys’ video diaries, so those were always entertaining, but you’ll never forget the first one.

The boys were joking around, poking fun at each other. You didn’t have much to do besides start and stop the filming, so you decided to have a little snack, a bag of carrots.

The boys turned to Louis, seeing what his favorite quality was in a girl, something at three him off guard. His eyes had flickered between your bag and your face before answering, “I like girls who… eat carrots.”

This caused the boys to look in your direction, Niall’s laugh echoing through the staircase. You stopped crewing, easily becoming flustered. Instead of doing a rational thing, you decided to playfully flip him off, sending the boys into another fit of giggles.

When they were kicked off the show, you were afraid that was the last you’d see of Louis, but he had invited you to be his personal assistant, well, the band’s personal assistant, and you didn’t hesitate to accept the offer.

You’ve been with the band for over four years now, falling deeper in love with Louis, although you never said anything. You were too scared.

You were scared of losing the best friend you’d ever had, scared of losing your job, scared of losing the love of your life, although the ladder is a bit hypocritical.

One of your favorite songs, scratch that, your favorite song of the band’s was 18. Although Louis hadn’t written it, it explained how you felt perfectly, something you had planned to thank Ed for.

You stood backstage, making sure the boys were ready, only a minute remaining before their platforms raised.

You went to each boy, making final adjustments to their hair and sleeves, making sure they looked perfect for their audience.

Finally, you had arrived at Louis, shaking your head when you saw him smirking. You let out a long sigh, reaching to fix his hair, not completely satisfied with it, “I swear to god if you get wet tonight because of your water fights with Liam, you’re not getting any hugs after the show, I don’t want to get wet,” you chided.

Louis bit his lip, trying not to smile, “I don’t want to get wet, title of your sex tape,” he teased and you groaned.

“Making you watch Brooklyn 99 was a mistake,” you mumbled and he chuckled.

“Too late to go back,” he said, nearly falling over when the platform began to rise. You waved him goodbye, making your way up to the wings of the stage, wanting to watch the show, but also wanting to remain hidden from the audience.

The show went remarkably well, as most of their shows do. You bopped along to some songs, giggling when Harry and Liam began trying on things fans had thrown onstage. Halfway through the show, Liam and Louis began their famous water fights, making you shake your head, although you couldn’t have been happier.

You were thrown off when the choreography for 18 was changed. Louis remained near the back of the stage, where you were within his view. You were about to go find the choreographer, but shrugged it off, they always broke their routines.

You sang along to the song, singing the lyrics under your breath. You waited in excitement for Louis’ solo, quite possibly your favorite moment of the whole show.

When he was to cue in, he turned to you, locking eyes with you, “I have loved you since we were eighteen,” he sang, making your jaw drop, not much, you weren’t sure if he meant it. “Long before we both thought the same thing, to be loved and to be in love,” he sang, still singing directly to you.

You pressed a hand to your chest, still in disbelief about what he had done. Was he messing around? Did he just do that to get a reaction out of you?

A part of you knew he wasn’t, Louis didn’t mess around with that stuff, and that’s what made it ten times harder.

The boys took their intermission, Louis hastily walking over to you and dragging you into his shared dressing room. He locked the door, turning to face you with his lip tucked between his teeth. “So…” he began, looking at you from under his eyelashes.

He was so damn pretty.

“Cut the shit, Louis, did you really mean it?” You inquired, crossing your arms over your chest.

He scrunched his face up, letting out a deep sigh, stepping over to you and grabbing your hands. “I really meant it,” he admitted, and you stared at him quizzically.

You stared at him for a moment, his eyes studying your face. You placed your hand on his cheek, bringing him down to you, placing your lips against his.

He kissed back, wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. You finally felt complete, after all these years, and although Louis had been there for years, your love was all you needed.

You didn’t rush with the kiss, after all, you had all the time in the world.

—

Permanent Taglist (If you want to be added just let me know!): @everything-is-alrightt @kaiaduke @franchesca-791 @alwayshave-faith

[tf2workbench]

Dr. Frankenstein

Those of you who play Mann vs. Machine might know that, in that mode, the Medic can resurrect dead players. As with most things from MvM, there’s a good chance I’m going to try to port it to player-versus-player gameplay. And guess what: I’m doing that right now!

Are you concerned about how I might handle this extremely powerful attribute? Well, so am I! Let’s figure it out together, shall we?

Reanimator Iteration 1 Medigun (+) If your healing target dies, they drop a reanimator, which allows you to resurrect them by refilling their health gauge (+) +400% reanimation rate when Ubercharged (-) -25% maximum overheal (-) -15% heal rate on recently-wounded targets or when reanimating (reanimating cannot benefit from critical heals)

Note that targets with gauges (e.g. Ubercharge) are reset. You can, however, still gain Ubercharge while reanimating.

You’ll notice that I made the heal rate relatively low (20 health per second) on targets who are being reanimated, with the exception of the Ubercharge. This means that reviving a target is a significant investment - fifteen seconds for a Heavy, for example. Actually, that’s longer than some respawn timers, meaning that you might end up wasting your healing if you pick the wrong target.

It also begs the question: why are you reviving a single target instead of 1) healing your nearby, living teammates or 2) running away from the people who killed your healing target? Are they that important? If they’re another Medic or possibly Engineer, maybe they are. But if they’re your average power class, probably not.

Death is also an emotionally charged kind of thing (in real life, but also in TF2). I wonder if this would lead to situations like “oh, the medic ignored me so I didn’t get a chance at reanimation” or “the medic ran away instead of reanimating me.” It’s not the primary problem with the weapon, but these kinds of things should be considered.

With that in mind, I’m shifting focus, instead working on a passive secondary for a common Medic buddy: the Heavy.

Reanimator Iteration 2 Heavy secondary (passive) (+) On death: Drop a reanimator, allowing friendly Medics to revive you (normal healing rates apply) (+) Charged by dealing damage. At 300 damage, the reanimator is available; you reanimate 25% faster for every 100 damage you deal after that (max of +100%). (-) -40% healing from health packs (-) No active weapon

Loosely based on an old Advanced Weaponiser design, actually. The glaring flaw with this weapon is that it only works when you have a nearby Medic; otherwise it’s just useless.

It may also be violently disruptive to the flow of the game. Once you deal enough damage (which is pretty doable for a Heavy) you have the equivalent of a faster, Medic-activated teleporter just for yourself. And, as with the medigun above, there’s the question: are you important enough to justify the Medic standing around reviving you?

Let’s (regretfully) cut the Medic out of this equation entirely.

Reanimator Iteration 3 Heavy secondary (passive) (+) Charged by dealing damage (activates at 200, caps out at 1000) (+) For each 100 damage after 200: respawn one second faster (+) For each 100 damage after 200: gain one second of speed boost on respawning (-) No active weapon

My main beef with this weapon is that it’s only useful if you actually die, which is not a guarantee. Dying usually means you’ve failed, and there’s very little you can do to make it less painful; the only real thing would be a teleporter line, which is well-balanced-for already. This would require extensive playtesting and might end up feeling like a bit cheesy to the opposing team, in the vein of “I just killed that guy, why is he back already.” Cheating death is like that; it can make your opponents feel helpless. 

Remember, too, that respawn differs based on your team; defending teams on Payload or Attack/Defense maps tend to have longer respawn times than the attackers. A small thing to take into account.

Let’s go back to the Medic for one last look at this deeply questionable, but interesting, idea.

Reanimator Iteration 4 Medic melee (+) If you die with 75% or higher Ubercharge: reanimate after two seconds (+) Gain speed boost upon reanimation (duration corresponding to Ubercharge you had) (-) Lose all Ubercharge upon reanimating (-) -40% damage

I like this idea, especially because it can really benefit your team. On the other hand, it’s a passive melee, meaning you get this benefit no matter what - and since it’s such valuable insurance, it’s automatically an option on the table when you select a melee. On the other hand, keeping it at 75% Uber and above means you actually have to stay alive for a while to reap the benefits.

I’m leery of it, really. Killing a Medic is supposed to represent a window of opportunity for your team, which is somewhat irrelevant if he pops back up again and runs back to his allies. There’s also not much you can do to keep him from reaching 75% charge during setup time, especially with a faster-charging gun like the Vaccinator.

Oh well. It’s still a cool idea, even if people who play on instant-respawn servers won’t be using it.

[hiatus-for-forever]

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader Soulmate AU

Summary: You want to start a business early revolving around your quirk but it leads you to find a rare case in your new school

Quirk: Red Strings. You are able to see the red strings that connect each person to their soulmate by a red string on each of their pinkies. This quirk is received by the oldest daughter in the family once they turn 4 (the parent still has it even when the child does). Sons can also have it but as a secondary quirk, it immediately gets passed down to the daughter and leaves the son with one quirk. You are able to cut it and/or tie it to yourself or other people at the cost of one year of your life for each alteration.

Genre/Warnings: Fluff, slight angst, cursing

WC: 1,725

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You still remember when you got your quirk. The day you turned four you saw the bright red strings appear, connecting everyone to each other. Some had strings that were long and crossed the streets and went around buildings, and some had their stings attached to the person next to them. They were on the floor for most of the time, occasionally stretched when two people had a strain on their relationship. They never broke though, always connected and paired by the universe, whoever it may be who controls it. They got longer when people are far from each other, and shorter when they were close. 

You saw sometimes the people who were connected, passing by each other without a second thought, strangers who rarely looked back at each other as the strange feeling overcame them. You were always happy when you saw two soulmates holding hands, and felt sorry for those who passed by their soulmate with a significant other in their arms. Some people even has two strings and you thought that was so cool. 

You liked to follow the strings when they were going in the same direction as you, and eventually got used to seeing them around not paying mind unless it was a short glance at two loving soulmates. 

Your mom and you were the only ones who could see and interact with them, your grandma dying before you were born with not many stories left behind. She would step on them while you avoided doing so, until she said it was fine. You still didn’t like to walk over them, only the accidental step sometimes but you mostly subtly avoided them. You remember that one time you tripped on a string and those few times you had to duck or go around strained ones. 

Then came when you looked at your pinkie, no bright red sting there. When you asked your mom why you didn’t have one she told you she didn’t have one at first either. She did though, you mentioned, and she said that she cut your dad’s string and tied it to her. You gasped and asked her why and she said that your dad asked for it, his original soulmate was “probably really far away anyway”. She said there was some guilt of course but 20 years of going strong it had melted away. 

She even told you of a story of someone who was bitter of not having a string, she cut every string in her path and ended up dying early, passing the quirk to her first niece. 

“Do you help your friends find their soulmates!?” you beamed, she smiled but shook her head. 

“I can’t, I don’t have the time to with all my work. Plus, you don’t even know if they want to know. They could be happily married or something“ she said. She was right, but you wanted to lead people to their soulmates! But you couldn’t do that under the circumstances you mom had just helped you realized.

Then the thought hit you, it could be your job! You could help people and make money all at the same time and it would be the best job ever! That thought was what started your continuous studying to get into a good school, and getting into that school. To be honest you’ve never been as driven about something as much as this.

So here you were now, at the doorway of UA.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You got stares from everyone as you confidently stepped into the building, then immediately jumping and tiptoeing about in the hallways avoiding the red strings you would soon shorten. Word had already gotten around after you explained to one person why you were walking funny. 

Days later you were already getting requests but you would just turn them down. Maybe just pointing to where they headed. Soon you were already making friends, especially with that one Ashido girl from the hero course who wanted so bad to find her soulmate. You wanted to tell her who it was but you couldn’t make exceptions, you guys weren’t even friends for long. 

Eventually, right when the class was going into the pricing lesson, Ashido immediately jumped on you to show her where her soulmate is. So, her first initiative for today was to drag you to her table for lunch. You met the nicest people ever, the first 10 seconds that passed were great. But your pink-haired friend had already cut to the chase.

“Here, just point me to where my string leads” She said as she slid you a 500 yen coin. You took it and pointed to the kitchen, your eyes trailed from her finger to where the string led, presumably outside a window or something.

She squealed, “Okay, now do them next, they’ll pay” she said as her other friends, except Bakugou, leaned in with interest. 

You chuckled and said, “Sorry I can’t. My teacher said I can’t offer services ‘til my business is official. My pricing itself isn’t complete either. I’m thinking of doing an up-front price along with a price according to how far the trip goes for them to find their soulmate. This of course will include an all expense pair trip if we ever leave the country or go on a far trip. It might be expensive for a lot of people but I really want to show them to their soulmates. I’m thinking of refunding them a portion if they cancel but if I keep doing that the business will get nowhere and no one will find their soulmate. I’m also really concerned for the people who might not have as much money so I’m thinking that the prices shouldn’t be that high. Hmm, maybe I should-”

“Geez, Y/N calm down. You’re starting to sound like Midoriya there with all your rambling” Ashido interrupted, “But I get it, you don’t have to. Dang the business course is though” 

“Not as tough as the hero course though. At least then you’ll be hella rich and I can help all of you find your soulmates”

 “Great!” She chirped. 

They all went back to their food, and out of curiosity you looked at their hands. seeing the red string on either the left or right pinkie. But one caught your eye. There was a set of hands, no red string on neither the left nor the right pinkie. You looked up at who it belonged and were met with glaring red ruby eyes. You got a good look at him, his spiky ash blonde hair. He was pretty attractive, sad he doesn’t have a soulmate though. His glare seemed to get sharper and so you had to stuff your face in your bowl if you didn’t want trouble. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Whoopsie, how’d you get into this situation? Backed up into the wall of an alleyway by this beautiful blonde. This blonde is of course mad and glaring at you like you stepped on his dog.

You did, however, find out who this man was. Bakugou Katsuki. From the sludge incident. Got the highest score in the practical entrance exam. He also got chained to a block of cement when he won gold at the sport’s festival that you couldn’t attend, not wanting to watch the strings get trampled by your doing the task given. As well as getting kidnapped by the League of Villains during the hero course’s camping trip.

You don’t know why you didn’t recognize him, not really paying attention to what all others do. But now you truly felt sorry for the guy, going through all that, probably blaming himself for All Might’s retirement, and not having someone to call his own. You don’t have to date your soulmate, and sometimes soulmate relationships fail, but it’s hard when they’re the perfect fit for you. 

This man didn’t have a perfect fit. I mean, neither did you but you were fine with making people happy, and you haven’t endured half this man has. 

“Let me ask you this once, why were you looking at me funny?” he gruffly demanded answers

“You sure you wanna know?” you asked nervously

“SPIT IT OUT WOMAN” he slammed his fist next to your head

“You don’t have a soulmate!” you said out of impulse

His eyes widened and his angry demeanor went away, “What?” he mumbled

“You don’t have a string” you clarified

“Well I don’t fucking need one, “ he puffed his chest out, “soulmates are bullshit anyway, don’t wanna have to trust someone like that, they’ll just become a weak spot”

“Well you wouldn’t think that when you tip over and self destruct in anger at yourself for stuff that’s not you fault” you commented as he neared you dangerously

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about”

You sighed as your lips pressed to a thin line, “Maybe I don’t, but no one will if you keep it to yourself”

“I’m fine with that”

“Sure” 

He must still be in shock, you just know he’ll add it to the baggage sooner or later. You had to do something about this, he doesn’t deserve it, before he could walk away you called out, “If it makes you feel better I don’t have one either, most people with my quirk don’t have any either”

“Why would that make me feel better?”

“I can cut some string and tie it to you if you want, can’t force a good relationship though”

“No, I don’t want anyone else’s partner”

“Fine then,” you pondered, how could you help this guy out? 

“Lunch. Tomorrow” he stated and left

“Huh? Okay I guess” you said hesitantly. At least it was something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rubbed your arm nervously. It was a Saturday and you had asked Mina for his number, where he confirmed to meet outside your dorm. No one really cared that a hero course student was coming over, instead everyone used this time to do work on each of their own businesses. 

You sat at the small table set up in front of the entrance, it was circular and had a small vase of flowers at the center. You then heard a grunt and footsteps getting louder. You turned and saw Bakugou grumbling to himself as he made his way to you.

He plopped down on the seat next to you and before the awkward silence could commence he spoke up, “Why the fuck do you want to help me?”

You chuckled, a smile had danced on your lips, “Right to the chase, huh?”

His glare just hardened.

You felt your hands get clammy, “Heh, well, it is my future job. I want to make people happy”

“So you’ll just change peoples soulmates if someone pays you? Seems pretty shitty”

You gasped, feigning exaggerated offense, “I do not! For each alteration to strings I lose a year of my lifespan,” you explained

“So you’re willing to lose two years of your life to get me a soulmate?” 

You nodded

“Why?”

You sighed, you contemplated whether to take his hand in yours sympathetically but decided against it, instead opting to lean forward and lower your voice, “You’ve been through a lot more than most people should at your age, I just think you would be good with someone who will fully understand you. But, now that I think about it that may be difficult so that’s why...” you trailed off

You realized how no one will fully understand him, he’s a really complex person from what you picked up. You let out a small ‘Huh’ when the thought came to you.

You looked up when you heard him sigh, he mumbled something under his breath along the lines of ‘I cant believe I’m doing this’

“Look, you can’t just take someone else’s soulmate, it won’t work out for me or that person” He then groaned, “and it’s not like you have a soulmate either so...”

You looked at him puzzled, trying to put two and two together. When you did, you had a big shit-eating smirk on your face, “What are you trying to say, Bakugou?” You asked smugly

The infamous ‘tch’ was heard when the reddening on his ears proved true to your suspicions, “Wanna go out sometime?” he begrudgingly offered

You giggled. This hotheaded blonde, known for being aggressive and somewhat the villainous type, was asking you out to a date after two conversations. One was admittedly intimate but only two conversations nonetheless

You figured, why not ply with him for a little bit? 

“Hmmm... Nah, I’d rather waste two years of my life”

He growled, “Stop playing around! You’re lucky I’m even asking you out, I normally hate everyone. Plus, you can’t just connect me to some stranger!”

“We’ve had two conversations, we essentially still are strangers”

“Fucking- CALL ME KATSUKI THEN”

You froze in shock. He really was serious about this.

“...Why me?”

He relaxed, ready to give his explanation, “You’re probably the only one who gets an inkling of how I feel because of what I’ve gone through. Everyone else either holds it against me or thinks they understand me”

“Well then-”

“Alsoyou’recute” 

You paused again, you saw his flushed face but it was nowhere near the steam coming from the boiling pot that was your head. 

“Uh, y-you too I guess”

“Yeah I’ll see you next week, we’ll get dessert after lunch or some shit, whatever girls want to do on dates”

You scoffed at the stereotype, “Yeah, whatever you have my number,” You saved him a wink which was what made everything worth it for the sight of his face that now matched his eyes.

Part 2 cuz this ends too abrupt but its long already

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: Character headcanons

Dionysus:

He loves anything with any level of alcohol in it and his favorite is obviously wine. However, because of his godly abilities, he functions the in the same way a saltwater fish wood if you placed it in a tank of freshwater. only instead of dying instantly, he just slowly loses his powers and becomes dangerously close to being a mortal. So he usually keeps a supply of wine with him at all costs, and it really doesn't have to be his own wine, it could be any form of alcoholic beverage as long as he consumes it.

He has a mane of curly thick dark hair that accidentally acts like a pocket dimension. he can store something in there, completely forget it and then when he remembers it he can take it out with ease. nobody really cares about how he's able to do this except Athena, she hates it when Dionysus does this and it confounds her to no end, nobody really knows why she hates it but it's speculated that she just doesn't like his chaotic nature.

True to his wild natural look, he actually has two pairs of horns; curled ram horns and long bull horns. He has no memory of it he purposefully grew these horns himself or they may have resulted in his consumption of his wine....but he doesn't care find it to be more of an excuse to adorn his head with more interesting things he finds.

He doesn't have eccentric tastes per se but he does enjoy interesting looking jewelry, placing random objects in his hair and like his brother Apollo enjoys wearing whatever the hell he wants to wear. It doesn't matter if it's a woman's dress or overly ornate armor for no other purpose than to just wear it. The function of the clothing does not concern him, as long as it looks nice on him.

He's very simple god....in the same way your stoner friend is simple, he's is early philosophical for a guy has type and often times you'll see him do weird things that in reality actually have some serious purpose. For example you would pile small stones to form a tower only to have accidentally created the druidic tradition of establishing a location. Another good example would be him having decompulsive need to pile pine cones, according to him he's still trying to figure out what would be the purpose of this but he found out that pine cones are extremely flammable thus perfect as kindling.

He consistently smells of merlot and sweat, it's not that he isn't clean, it's just that with his consistent consumption of his own wine, he doesn't sweat normally anymore... He literally sweats wine thus occasionally giving his skin a pinkish tan hue occasionally, when he bathes his skin goes back to a normal olive-ish tan.

Although he's extremely lazy in some cases, people wipl often mistake him for being soft or weak, it has been noted that in terms of strength he has rivaled both Aries and Heracles in some bizarre manner. nobody really knows if this could have anything to do with his previous incarnation of being a very powerful entity of chaos or if it's just his god-given abilities.

Unlike his fellow gods, he loves being around mortals. He enjoys their nuanced lives and daily endeavors and tries his very best to keep everyone happy.

He's primarily a "good vibes" man 95% of the time and tries to keep the peace, but that doesn't stop him from either justifyingly getting angry or sitting back and watch the drama unfold without his assistant. You also kick your ass and he will do it again if he needs to.

His primary circle of friends/family are Apollo, Hermes, Heracles, Hypnos, Artemis, several nyphs and satyrs, Kale (Delphi's only competent broker/financial expert) and whom ever he can befriend. His secondary basically consists of everyone else whom I've not mentioned.

His wine can actually physically change you with prolonged consumption but with varying results. Many of his leopards for example, have obtained a pinkish, purple hue from drinking the wine dionysus has made for them especially, prolonging their life spans, raising their IQs a little and making them more docile.

On the topic of wine, Dionysus has made several different wines with different properties. He's made wine that acts very closely to a truth serum, a wine that can heal/cure nearly everything, a wine specifically for bacchanals and festivals, wine that actually doesn't effect small kids (for safety reasons) and a wine that can do miscellaneous things.

He's into everything in terms of entertainment, he's surprisingly very cultured in spite of his perceived persona as "the god of drunkards and heathens". So in truth there's never a dull moment with him.

The best to describe him is "a semi-chaotic force of existential calm". He's so chill about so many things, one can mistake this for being aloof or uncaring, but don't worry he's got your back.

He has a list of "dislikes"; he recently has a burning dislike of Romans, drinking water, entitled rude people (because you can be entitled but ultimately unaware of it in an ignorant way), having to do the same task over and over again, being sober (because he believes being drunk keeps something inside him at bay) and frogs....he finds frog to be extremely unreasonable in conversation.

In a more sensual sense, he's up for everything asking as it's not painful or would end in a possible bad way. This explains why he tries his best to stay away from Aphrodite as much as he can help himself.

He doesn't hate Ares, he just finds Ares to be a little too aggressive when it comes to the concept of fun.

He has 0 idea about the existence of some older members of the family, such as Eris for example. He literally has no idea he's not the only agent of chaos in Greece.

He had formed a secret "Drunkard's Society", it consists of other deities from around the world whose specialties occasionally revolve around making alcoholic beverages... if anyone asks yes Jesus (yes he's canon in greek-Bros as the son of "A God" of which no one really knows who) is part of the club by default for some reason sine he used his abilities to make wine. There's very little rules for the club, the only rule is that if possible, bring drinks.

Although he primarily is Pansexual, he is in an very open marriage with Ariadne. Being his only functional braincell, Ariadne is the one who keeps him grounded when making certain decisions, she pretty much completes him in the sense of companionship. She's also pretty compatible with his personality given her upbringing, in spite of her upbringing as a royal, she's always been more carefree and empathetic with her subjects. Plus she doesn't object to most of what Dionysus does but she knows when to step in as his partner on more serious matters. Deep down, Dionysus believes that Ariadne is the second reason why he's still alive. His first being "because my dad mpreg'ed me into existence".

He may or may not be aware of his previous incarnations, he gets weird dreams that feels very violent and feverish at times of a stress filled day. He knows he isn't like the other Olympic gods in many ways.

His seat in Olympia was gifted to him by his aunt Hestia. Hestia, being the oldest child of "The Big 6", felt it was time for her to "retire" from being part of the Olympic gods, no one really understood why she made this decision but she was extremely happy to give the seat dionysus as she personally felt he had a "certain spark" that felt was appropriate as her successor. He too, has no idea why he was given this gift but he assumes that if Hestia felt it was appropriate than it was.

Out of all the olympians, he has made friends with the most deities outside of Greece, second place would be Hermes and third would be Ares.

Apollo

Unlike dionysus, he's extremely calculative, considerably well sorted and more formal. There's always a visible method to what he does and everything has a scientific explanation, in contrast to dionysus's unpredictable meme energy.

He has a bizzarly faire complexion with literally no flaws and his skin almost glows with warmth. His blond hair has been known to also glow depending on the light. His eye color is the same shade as the sky with white pupils, but when it's night time his usually white pupil turns into the normal black, representing the passing of the daytime. The same thing happens to Artemis.

Being the god of the arts and sciences, he loves to educate people. Delos (his home island) is home to one of the best schools of thought in all of Greece.

His first passion of playing the lyre and it still is to this day, if he wasn't the god of the sun, he'd be the god of music.

He puts this persona of "the perfect guy" to mostly everyone he knows, with the exception of Hermes and Dionysus who pretty much know he's a big sensitive softy.

He's an extremely beautiful man with perfect mesomorphic body. He has very gentle mannerisms with a contrasting burning and passionate reaction to anything that could anger him. Pretty much, he's the embodiment of the sun, beautiful, giving, warm but he will burn you.

His personal tastes are similar to dionysus's in terms of preference of clothing. Anything goes and when he looks fashionable in anything, he especially loves wearing lose dresses because he feels the most comfortable in it. He barely sees a reason to assume clothing can be specific to gender norms, as long as it does its function, it suits him pretty well. To him, clothing is clothing.

He's one of the best chariot riders in Olympus, rivalling Triton and occasionally Hades.

He's pan/bisexual to put it best, but he seems to have an easier time forming lasting relationships with men than he does with his female relationships, as evident his mythos. He's not very sure why, and he desires to get better at it considering he actually has the most children in the pantheon.

He's an extremely loving father to his offspring, he's taught most of his children in the ways of art and sciences but is always surprised to see them flourish with their own specific passions and talents.

He thought Orpheus would be the son who's take his place if anything were to happen to him....until he was killed and sent to the underworld. Apollo still mourns for his son's death and doesn't blame Dionysus or his maenads. He believed that Orpheus's was too powerful, even for him

He chooses his lovers, not the other way around. It's an unfortunate trait he inherited from Zeus and it probably is the main factor in why he has such a difficult time with having female companions.

He literally knows about almost everything on almost every subject.

Like Ariadne, he's Dionysus's other braincell. Because of this, the two seem to have an ongoing battle of ideologies that grew into an extremely friendly rivalry to see who can get the most apostles and followers. There's no competitive energy between them, it just feels like a huge game to them.

His circle of friends oddly enough don't stop at Hermes and Dionysus, along with Artemis, his lovers and his muses, it seems Apollo has a surprisingly small circle of friends out of the "the bois". Inspite of his more intellectual relationship with Athena as a fellow scholar and "thinking person", he doesn't necessarily consider her an ally. In fact he actually has a very interesting list of possible foes that are mostly other members of the family. His number one rival however seems to be Eros, who has repeatedly caused him grief in the past, he's probably the second factor as to why he has such a complicated relationship with female companions.

He's a very accommodated individual, it baffles him till this day as to why his twin finds more comfort being in the outdoors than in Olympus, seeing how both of them were raised the same way. He doesn't like being dirty or getting too dirty, he's a bit if an introvert most of the time.

His favorite foods is anything grown under the sun. The only thing "fermented in the dark" he would ever consume is Dionysus's wine, which outside of ambrosia, is the only drink he trusts other than his own.

It may not look like it but he's actually a serious fighter. Especially loves using his bow and arrow and trains alongside with his twin sister.

Give me look pretty, but he will still kick your ass if you deserve it.... Or not he could just simply incinerate you out of existence. In terms of powers, out of the trio he actually does overpower them through natural force than anything.

His Muse's basically are a mixture between his group of female friends and essentially sisters by covenant. He's only had one relationship with one of the muses but outside of that he has NEVER once thought of any of them as calcubines. He will retaliate if anyone assumes otherwise, the reason being is because he would never harm or have any intentions of hurting any of his muses. They see him as a brotherly figure and teacher of the arts, NOT as a master.

Hermes

He's the one god in the family who's decided to make his life a lot more harder by having more hats to wear. He ironically likes it because it always makes him feel "closer to normal".

He's the hardest working of the trio, the only other individuals who works as hard as him is Hestia, Hephaestus and Hades.

Simultaneously, he loves lounging around eating his favorite snack, high energy foods. Bread, surgery fruits, nuts, anything to use to help his caloric intake for his long days of running.

He's literally fast enough to travel forward and back in time. At first, he was just found it strange when he would mention someone, it would be either in past tense or no body would have known who they were. After he found out that he was literally running forwards and back in time, he's been carefully pacing himself.

His favorite thing to do is observe anything really, especially loves seeing what happens after he effects something. For example, he could miss place a cup for no reason other than to see what will happen next.

Although being older than Dionysus, he's the shortest and "youngest looking" of the trio. His youthful complexion however has a dismal purpose. He notices that mortals find him a lot more approachable then the other gods. He primarily looks like a young lab in between the ages of 19 in comparison to Apollo's late 20 something and Dionysus's mid 20 something with a positive youthful disposition, the reason why is because in his "real" form, he actually is taller, pushing to late 20's to early 30's, has a little bit of facial hair, facially stern looking face of some hardened by life and overall "intimidating", not in an Ares sort of way....more like as if you can't really read what's on his mind. This may actually have something to do with the fact his speed could have actually been something he inherited from grandfather, Chronos. He hates his original body and does everything in his power to avoid showing even Apollo and Dionysus this version of himself.

He bisexual with a preference for women. He loves to experiment but that's when he gets in the most trouble. A great example would be the primary reason why his sort of least favorite son, Pan, is the way he is.... because he actually mated with a woman....in the form of a goat, since then, he has had to keep on eye on Pan due to his pension for causing problems....the bad kinds. His favorite children are Hermaphrodite and Hermanubis, he believes they're both his best out comes and both children have the best qualities of both parents.

He's extremely terrible at coming up with names for his children.

He dangerously takes more after his grandfather than he does Zeus physically and powerwise. Due to his incredible speed, his connection to everything from the underworld, to the intricate influences he has on mortal life, and even the fact he actually feels time catching up with him when he over runs, Zeus feared that his father's dark influence was on Hermes and protected him as much as possible from the scrutiny of his other siblings. This fed the fear that Hermes was to be the son to overthrow Zeus....until Apollo became Hermes's closest brother and friend and until Dionysus came along and basically padded the weird "dark prophecy" down to a grinding hult. Since then, Hermes secretly is forever in dept to both brothers for essentially proving everyone else's assumption of his dark nature wrong.

He has an extremely interesting relationship with his demigod brothers like Heracles and Perseus, with a lot of convincing, Hermes was able to get both Demigods to be considered full fledged gods by Zeus's blessings. Since Demigods age far more slower than normal mortals, unless consecrated into Olympus by Zeus, Hermes always consolidates his demi-siblings since he knows unlike the Gods, they will too one day die. He just really didn't want to lose his favorite half-brothers.

Out of the trio, he's seen the most shit. He's seen painful and peaceful deaths. Being a psychopomp isn't all fun and games unfortunately, it's the equivalent of being a doctor in terms of emotional disturbance. He does find it comforting that the only people who completely and fully comprehend what he internally goes through is Thanatos, Hypnos, Charon and Hades. All four of which constantly consolidate him on how he feels and that it's ok to go through the motions of what they call "indiscriminate mourning", a feeling of constent mourning for those who have no relevance to him but which one constantly feels empathy. In a dark humorous way, a demon in Tartarus suggested to remove his "empathy" to ease his suffering but Hermes refused because he'd rather have it than feel nothing.

Being the god of deception, he actually hides his insecurities and personal on-goings extremely well. He knows what's important is the present of things, he's seen death (literally and the god) and has seen what life has to offer. It's not going to stop him from having the best time with his brothers. Lucky for him, he tends to forget he's pretending and goes on as best as he wants to.

He loves animals. He's especially sympathetic to turtles and tortoises, he absolutely admires them for just being such a slow animal who can also be close to home. He recently discovered sloths in the continent that will soon be discovered as South America, and is completely enchanted by their slowness. He also loves 'racing' with faster animals like horses and antelope.

He is the only living being Cerberus let's through in and out of the underworld. Mostly because Cerberus never seems to catch him, thus the beast doesn't really bother, plus Hermes always brings treats for him so that helps.

The wings on his helmet are emotive when active and melds into the metal when inactive. Being the most 'human' of the trio, he can slip into a crowd unnoticed.

Out of the trio he seems the most normative, being more down to earth like Artemis. However he doesn't show the same amount of contempt for the pampered life of a god as much as Artemis does, he's comfortable where ever.

Like Dionysus, he has a very wide range of companions, friends and allies. he doesn't have a lot of enemies that he can name but he does have a bit of a complicated relationship with Ares. He doesn't really hate Ares, but he does enjoy occasionally making a fool out of him. Ares in truth doesn't mind this considering Hermes did save him from some Giants who put them in an urn....is early enough it's not that he's indebted, it's just that when he threatens to kill her is it really isn't anything.

Hermes enjoys antagonizing people isn't very fond of. Hera specifically, he tries to find every way to anger her as much as possible. Even if it results at some else's expense.

He can and will, consentingly fuck your wife. And he would do it again.

Juxtaposed to his complicated and emotionally heavy job as a psychopomp, he's an absolute funnyman. It even borders on 'Bugs Bunny' like antics.