#they may or may not also be dying but that’s like a secondary concern at the moment.

[quietwingsinthesky]

anyway. also im trapping even inside the tardis until the doctor gets back. which is very fun for them, as you can imagine, as someone with Being Trapped In A Space Ship trauma compounded by this spaceship being a living eldritch horror that is badly damaged and needs to fix itself and might accidentally eat them while they’re stuck inside her!

[sara-scribbles]

Melting the Dragon King's Heart (Part 1)

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Malleus Draconia/F!Reader Summary: After falling down some stairs, you wake up in the body of a villain from one of Idia's cheesy romance books. Destined to die a fiery death, you have to figure out a way to change your fate. Word Count: 6,974 Notes: I've been reading a lot of isekai lately, which sparked this story. Hope you enjoy! Warnings: Mentions of past physical and emotional abuse, reader uses she/her pronouns

Part 1 Part 2, Part 3

“The person you are trying to call is unavailable. Please leave your message after the beep. After, you may…” Letting out a deep sigh, you wait for the message to finish.

“Hey, Idia, it’s me. I know you’re probably gaming right now, but I wanted to let you know I’ll be dropping by later today.” You pause before darting across the street. You nearly get hit by a car but make it on the sidewalk unscathed.

“Anyways, I finished ‘Melting the Dragon King’s Heart’ and that was the cringiest thing I’ve read! I’ll give you the full review when I come over.”

Ending the call, you shake your head at the phone screen. You head down the stairs to the subway while shooting Idia another text. Not watching where you’re going, your foot misses a step and you're sent careening down the stairs.

“Watch out!” a voice shouts.

---

You black out momentarily before regaining consciousness. Something feels off but you can’t quite place what. Your head pounds and your body aches. You can hear muffled voices.

Eyes opening, unfamiliar faces stare down at you. “Your highness?” someone asks.

Sitting up, you reach for your head but freeze when you realize that isn’t your hand. “Please be careful, your highness.”

Slowly studying the hand, you wave it around. You ignore the whispers and looks. You slowly reach your face, but it doesn’t feel like your face. Looking further down, you notice the clothes you’re wearing are completely different.

“W-what’s going on?” You slap a hand over your mouth. Definitely not your voice.

An elderly man leans down. “You fell off your horse, your highness. Are you feeling okay?”

You stare at him, before pointing to yourself. “A-are you talking to me?”

His brows draw together as he gives a concerned glance behind you. “You took quite a tumble so you might be a little out of sorts.”

He reaches to help you up, but you jerk away. Standing on your own, your head continues to throb painfully. You push past the group of people. You’re not sure where you're going, but your feet seem to know. Your brain is too scrambled to even notice your surroundings. Rushing down hallways and past other people, you enter into a room and lock the door.

Your gaze immediately falls on the full length mirror. As you slowly approach, the reflection in the mirror is not your own. You touch the cold surface and so does the image. Reaching up, you slap your cheeks a few times, the image does too. Your face stings.

“What the hell!?” And then your headache intensifies. You crumble to the floor clutching your head. Memories that aren’t yours flood your mind before you blackout once more.

---

You can’t believe you’re in Idia’s horrible isekai novel. Worse, you’re in the body of the secondary villain! She wasn’t very important to the story besides a vehicle to drive the plot. She didn’t even get a name. The story was from the protagonist's point of view, so you learned very little of the queen. In the end, she and her family died a fiery death after their nefarious plans to control the dragon king, Malleus Draconia, were uncovered by the protagonist.

Based on her memories, her marriage to the dragon king was six months ago. So, you had six more months before the arrival of the protagonist. Which also meant you had half a year before you’d be burned to death. You had no plans on dying. Again.

Crawling out of bed, you head to the connected bath. The maids had drawn a hot bath. Glancing in the bathroom mirror, you get a flash of her back. Old and newer scars crisscross the expanse of skin. The first time you saw them, you were flooded with horrible memories. Memories of a younger version crying while being beaten within an inch of her life. You tried to stay away from mirrors as much as possible.

Being the secondary villain, she isn’t really what you’d call evil. In the story, she came off like an emotionless puppet. The queen has a unique magic that can turn someone’s heart to ice, which allows her to control them. Ironic really. From what you remember from the story, the dragon king is too powerful, so her unique magic didn’t work right away. Over the course of a year, she uses her magic on him everyday. This causes him to become distant and easier to manipulate. When she’s almost successful, the king meets the protagonist, who immediately melts his frozen heart. It’s honestly so cliche, you had a hard time getting to the end. When you read the story, you felt nothing for the villains.

Having the queen’s memories, you feel bad for her. Her entire life was dictated by her parents, the duke and duchess. From what she wore to what she ate to what kind of instrument she played, it was chosen for her. Any sense of rebellion was quickly beaten out of her from a young age. She was molded into the perfect puppet that her parents could control. She had no say in the plan. From what you can tell, she didn’t even have any feelings about the king. Or anything for that matter.

Truly a sad villain.

After being found passed out on the floor, you were put on strict bed rest for a few days. According to the doctors the fall from the horse caused the queen to stop breathing for a few minutes. You wonder if at that time she had died, you had somehow entered her body. It didn’t feel like you’re sharing the body with anyone. The only thing left behind are her memories and lingering emotions.

During the mandatory bedrest, you hatched a plan. You need to get the dragon king to be your ally. Sure he’s technically this body’s - your body now - husband, but at this point in time, he’s become very distant because of her magic. You would stop using the magic on him, and hopefully he would return to normal. Then, when the protagonist shows up, they can take down the real villains. You’d have an amicable divorce and live the rest of your life out in peace.

Taking a deep breath, you steel yourself. Operation save yourself from certain fiery death starts now!

---

“Your highness, are you feeling better?” the old butler, Diablo, from before asks. He sets down a tea tray. Having been with the Draconia family for ages, he’s assigned to watch over the queen.

“Yes, my head doesn’t hurt anymore. The delicious food helps.” If there’s one thing you like about this new life, it’s the food. You could stuff your face with food and never be tired.

The salt-and-pepper haired man pauses but quickly collects himself. He pours another cup of tea while you finish up breakfast. “I’m glad to see you’ve gained a healthy appetite.”

Pausing mid-bite, you remember that the queen only picked at her food. Her memories often depicted a somber scene while she ate by herself. No talking or eye contact was ever made. She never bothered to hide her disinterest.

When you read the book, you didn’t feel too bad for the queen. The author barely wrote about her except when the story needed to continue. Perhaps that’s why you didn’t like the story. The queen was a lackluster villain while her parents were almost cartoonishly evil. The protagonist had been a little better, but still somewhat flat. However, you assumed the appeal was the sweet romance between the two. The romance was actually kind of cute. Speaking of romance, you have yet to see the dragon king in person.

“Your highness?” Diablo brought you from your thoughts.

“Hmm?” You realize your teacup is empty. “Did I drink that?”

He nods. “Yes, your highness. You were deep in thought while taking sips.”

You’re surprised you didn’t dribble any on you. Maybe it’s all due to the rigorous etiquette training the queen had gone through. “Is there anything I have planned today?”

“Not today, your highness.”

Great, you have the whole day to do whatever you want. “Diablo, where is the king?”

“In his study. He’s been up before the crack of dawn,” he informs you.

Thanks to her memories, you know exactly where his study is. You also know she never bothers him until she has to use her magic. However, now that this is your life, you plan to do whatever it takes to save yourself from dying.

“Thank you, Diablo.” Leaving the dining hall, you head to your dear husband’s study. Diablo follows a few paces behind.

“Are you planning to visit his highness?” he inquires.

He’s always with you. “Yes. I thought we could spend some time together.” Glancing behind you, his face is a neutral mask.

He merely nods when he meets your gaze. “An excellent idea, your highness.”

Arriving at the door to his study, you knock. There’s no answer. “Are you sure he’s here?”

“Yes. He rarely leaves his study until lunch time, your highness. Would you like me to check?” He gestures to the door.

“No, that’s okay. I can do it.” Grabbing the handle, you pull the door open. The room is mostly dark due to the curtains being drawn closed. Stepping inside, your eyes adjust to the gloom.

Malleus Draconia is an intimidating figure. Even sitting down he seems to tower over everything. His inky black hair contrasts with his pale skin. His most characteristic trait are the obsidian colored horns on his head. They gleam even in the low light. The lamp on his desk casts shadows on the bookshelf behind him. He’s very fitting for a male lead.

He doesn’t make a move to look up from his work. “Is there something wrong, Diablo?”

The old butler clears his throat. “No, your majesty.”

“I came to see you.” You paste on a smile though it’s a lot more work than you thought. It’s as if this face has never smiled, which wouldn’t be a surprise.

Malleus does look up when you speak. For a brief second his eyes widen before his brows draw together. “Is there something wrong, my queen?” His gaze remains dull. His eyes are like the color of old, dried leaves.

Stepping forward so you’re standing in front of his desk, you shake your head. “Nothing is wrong. Do I need a reason to visit you?”

His expression smooths. He has a cool, detached look. “Of course not. This palace is your home, you are allowed to go wherever you want. Do you need something?”

Clasping your hands together, you lean closer. “I was wondering if we could do something together. Once you’re done with everything, of course.”

He returns back to the paperwork. “I don’t know if I’ll have time. There’s a lot of things I need to do. And the war with the Queendom of Roses takes precedence…”

You blink twice. “War?”

“Yes. Your father had mentioned how the Queendom has been encroaching on his territory. He says they’re looking to take over more and more of Briar Valley. We should act before they even have a chance,” he explains.

Well this is the first you’ve heard of a war. However, if memory serves your right, your parents had invested interest in the land bordering the Queendom of Roses. Your home is a small land squished between two mighty kingdoms. Though not technically royalty, your parents are basically the rulers. They wanted to expand, but couldn’t. Unless…a war breaks out somehow. Compared to the Queendom, Briar Valley is far superior in magical combat. You’re pretty sure all Malleus has to do is wave his hand to annihilate the country off the map if he so wished.

Chewing on your lip, you wonder if there’s anything you can do to prevent this. You’d rather not let your so-called parents win anything. “How about we have lunch in the garden later?”

His hand pauses in writing. “You wish to eat together?” he asks, not looking up.

“Yes, I’d like to.” You’re determined to spend some time with him. Your life is at stake!

“Alright.” He returns back to writing.

Inwardly giving yourself a pat on the back, you flash him a smile even though he can’t see it. “I’ll see then, your majesty.”

Leaving the office, Diablo quietly closes the door. “Where can I find more information about the Queendom of Roses?”

“We can start at the royal library. I’m sure the head librarian can help find what you’re looking for.” Diablo leads the way.

---

You're late for lunch. Getting lost in the research about the Queendom of Roses, you forgot the time. Thankful Diablo came to remind you. Rushing to the gardens with an armful of papers and a few books, you easily navigate your way through the maze of the palace thanks to the former body’s memories.

Arriving, you immediately spy Malleus waiting at the table. Food is set out along with a tea cart. He looks utterly bored. However, he seems to perk up a bit as you come closer. Diablo immediately pulls out the chair for you to sit.

“Sorry I’m late! I got so lost in reading that I didn’t realize the time.” You place the books and papers on the table.

“What’s all this?” he asks, gesturing to the mess.

Trying to make a neater pile, you tap the top of one book. “I’ve been doing some research on the Queendom of Roses. And I don’t think going to war with them would be beneficial.”

“Oh?” He leans back, interest sparking his usual dull green eyes.

Opening one of the books with a map, you point to the page. “The Queendom of Roses is rich in natural resources when it comes to crops. A war would most likely ruin the land, and even magic wouldn’t be able to bring it back to what it once was.”

You rifle through your papers before finding the one you want. Placing it over the book, you continue, “Briar Valley lacks in certain resources when it comes to agriculture. We could make a trade agreement with the Queendom for their crops. It would greatly benefit the people.”

Malleus ponders your words. “And what of them encroaching on your country?”

“They have no need to expand nor do they have the power to do so.” You gesture to another book. “I doubt it’s on purpose.”

He stares at you. “So, are you saying your father lied? Was he trying to spark a fight between us and another country?”

Biting your tongue, you resist the urge to spill the truth. “I’m sure he was overreacting. Being such a small country, father takes the people’s safety as utmost. But I do think a war would be a waste of resources, time, and lives.”

Diablo clears the table of your things before serving lunch. Malleus eyes you curiously. “You’re sure about this?”

“Yes,” you answer firmly without hesitation.

Picking up a fork, he spears a tomato slice. “Alright. We won’t go to war with the Queendom.” He turns to Diablo, “Let Lilia know to stand down. I’ll work on drafting a proposal to the Queendom later.”

The butler bows before leaving. You let out a deep sigh but straighten up when you realize Malleus is watching you. “Thank you, your majesty.” You’re glad he didn’t fight you on this. Though maybe due to the queen’s magic, he’s too apathetic to care.

“Somethings changed about you,” he muses aloud. You stiffen as panic starts to build. “Are you feeling well?” he inquires.

“I’m fine, your majesty.” You try to smile convincingly but it probably looks more like a grimace.

“I heard you fell off your horse a few days ago. No lingering aches or pains?” he probes. Why’s he suddenly interested? He didn’t visit once while you were on bedrest.

You stab a carrot. “I feel fine. I did some thinking and decided I wanted to take a more active role. I am the queen, so I should be doing more.” The lie slips easily off your tongue.

He’s quiet for a moment. “I see…”

---

For the rest of the day, you try your best to read into the current situation of Briar Valley. It seems the queen didn’t bother with anything related to politics. All she seemed to do was sit in her room until she was needed. You had many memories of staring blankly at a wall or something equally mundane.

You know there’s probably rumors of how the queen seems to be a different person. One of the maids had mumbled something about the fall knocking her brain around. You could care less what they said as long as you managed to change your fate. Knowing the situation of the country you supposedly co-ruled is a good start.

At least it doesn’t seem like your parents are causing too much trouble. Beyond trying to instigate a war with the Queendom of Roses, they’ve been quiet. Perhaps they’re waiting for the queen’s magic to take hold before doing anything drastic. If your plan works, they’ll be in jail soon.

You’re curled up in bed with a thick history book about Briar Valley. Having taken out a few books from the royal library, your room is starting to look like a mess with the books all over the place. You know the basics about the country from her lessons, but you want to go more in depth. It’s best to know everything you can.

There’s a knock at the door that links to Malleus’s room. Out of habit you glance around for the digital clock at your bedside. But it’s not there. “Of course…”

During your isolation in the bedroom, you found out from her memories that Malleus and the queen do not share a bed. Instead they each have their own rooms, which are connected by a door. However, the queen keeps her door locked. The only time it’s unlocked is when Malleus comes over for an hour before bed every other week. She had made up some excuse about wanting to spend a little time with him before bed. It’s the dumbest excuse you’ve heard but somehow he bought it.

Maybe he wanted to please the queen? Maybe he really is that naive about what couples do? Whatever the reason for him to agree to this ritual, it had made it easier for the queen to cast her magic.

Slipping out of bed, you unlock the door. Malleus stands there in casual clothes. He doesn’t look ready for sleep, but he does tend to stay up late from what Diablo said. You have to bite back the smile when you notice the black dragon slippers on his feet. Very dignified.

“Uh… hi…” This is certainly awkward. “The room’s a little messy, but the bed’s mostly clear.”

Malleus glances around, his eyes landing on the book you had been reading. “History of Briar Valley?”

You lead him to the bed. He sits at the edge of the bed while you scoot closer to the middle. You draw your legs up to your chest. Without asking, he holds out his hand. “Just some light reading,” you joke as you take his hand.

“...”

“...”

You really can’t just sit there in silence for an hour holding his hand. “Where’d you get those slippers?” you ask suddenly.

He blinks slowly while looking down. “Lilia gave them to me for my birthday last year. He said a king shouldn’t walk around barefoot.”

Very reasonable. “They’re cute.”

“Thank you. Would you like a pair?”

“Um, sure.” His hand is surprisingly comfortable to hold.

He nods. “I will ask Lilia to order once he returns.”

“...”

“...”

You glance at your discarded book. “Do you mind if I read?” You aren’t sure how she was able to sit for an hour staring off into space. This is too weird!

He shakes his head. “Go ahead.”

Grabbing the book with your free hand, you adjust your position and place it on your lap. As you return to reading, you can almost forget Malleus is next to you. Almost. A few times you can feel his intense stare, but when you look back, he’s looking at the far wall.

You’re only a few chapters in when he clears his throat. Looking up, he opens his mouth, but then closes it. “Yes?” You wait patiently for him to gather his words.

“The book mentioned the war with the old fae, but it’s wrong,” he informs you after a pause.

“It is?” You glance down at the date. “This took place almost a thousand years ago. Don’t tell me you were there?” Fae are long lived creatures, but you don’t think Malleus is that old.

He shakes his head. “No. Lilia would sometimes tell me stories from when he was in the army. I remember everything he said clearly. The war did not start the way the book states. Though I assume the author could only speculate since most don’t know the truth.”

“How did it start?” You lean closer, interested to hear what he has to say.

“Well…”

---

“...and then everything went up in flames.”

“No!” Eyes widen as your mouth falls open.

“Unfortunately, yes. I hate to admit it, but my control on my flames was not that good.” He sighs, covering his face with his free hand.

Chuckling, you give his hand an involuntary squeeze. “You were young. It’s not like you meant to set everything on fire.”

“That’s true, but for a long time I wasn’t allowed to do anything related to fire.” His lips quirk upward while you try and fail to cover your laughter.

“I-I’m not laughing at you. I just had an image of a smaller version of you.” Your shoulders shake. “I’d love to see a picture of when you were younger.” You can just see a small Malleus pouting while being told he’s not allowed to use his flames.

“I believe there’s a few portraits that were done when I was younger. They’ve been put away, but they should be in the royal storehouse,” he says thoughtfully.

Having calmed down, you shake your head. “Too bad there’s no candid photos of you…”

“Hmm?” He peers at you. “Is seeing a younger version of myself really that interesting?”

You flash him a quick smile. “Of course. Seeing a mini version of you would be so interesting. I’m sure you were very cute,” you tease.

He doesn’t seem to know how to take your comment. Staring at you blankly, his hold on your hand tightens slightly for a second. “Cute?”

“Well, I mean you look…you look, um, nice now. So it’s easy to assume you’d be a cute kid.” Now you’re starting to feel a bit embarrassed.

“I see… So that means you were also cute as a child,” he says in all seriousness.

Did he just give a compliment? You’re unsure what to say. Eyes darting around the room, you clear your throat. “Right. I think we’ve gone over time.” You immediately release his hand.

Malleus straightens up. “I’m sorry.”

He almost looks hurt. You quickly wave off his worry. “No need to apologize! I shouldn’t keep you.”

Standing, you follow Malleus to the door. You catch a glimpse of his dark room. “Good night, your majesty.”

“Good night…” He glances back as the door closes. You turn the lock in place with a click.

Heading to bed, you lay there surrounded by many pillows. A feeling of loneliness settles deep in your chest. You wonder how Idia and everyone else has taken the news of your death.

---

You let out a cough as dust billows out from the curtains. The once gloomy study at least looks a little better with natural light. The queen has her own study across from Malleus’s, but she never used it. It overlooks the garden below. You decided it would be a good place for you to work. And having so many books in your bedroom is starting to be a little too much.

“I do apologize for the dust, your highness. If you want, I can fetch someone to do a quick clean,” Diablo offers.

Wiping a finger along the desk, you note the layer of dust. “I think that would be for the best. While someone cleans up here, I’m going to gather the materials from my room.” The butler bows before leaving.

Leaving the study door open, you go back to your room. Gathering all the books and papers into a stack, you eye the leaning tower. You could make a few trips to ensure nothing will fall. But the less trips you have to make, the quicker you can get down to business.

Carrying the precarious tower of books while tucking the papers under one arm, you walk slowly down the hall. A few maids stop and offer to help, but you wave them off. You’re fairly certain you can handle this.

You’re nearly there when the papers from under your arm slip out. Narrowing your eyes, you shift the balance of the books to one hand. Slowly squatting, you reach out your free hand to try and pick up the papers while keeping an eye on the stack.

“Come on…” Your fingers brush against the papers. “There!” And the tower of books wobbles dangerously. “Don’t you dare…” Unfortunately the books do not listen and the stack tilts over.

But before they can fall, they start to float. Staring at the sight, the rest fly out of your hand. Realizing now that you’re not alone, you finally notice Malleus standing outside his study. He waves his hands and the books fly over to him. They stack neatly while floating at his side.

He gestures to the books. “It seemed that you needed help.”

Picking up the papers, you sigh. “Thank you. I thought I could make it…”

He follows you into the study. “You’ve decided to use the office,” he mumbles aloud. He sets the books on the now clean desk.

“I thought it would be better than my bedroom. And the view is nice,” you explain with a chuckle. “Since you’re across the way, feel free to visit.”

Malleus takes in the nearly empty room. Since the queen had never used it, there were no personal items. He turns back to you. “Do you want to write up the proposal for the Queendom of Roses?”

You owlishly blink. “M-me?”

“Yes. You are the one who came up with the idea. It would only be appropriate for you to draw up the proposal.”

Sure you had all her memories of how to be a proper queen. But she had never done any of her duties. Instead they were all dumped on Mallues. From her memories, he never said a word. He left the queen alone to do what she wanted.

Nervously licking your lips, you slowly nod. “I’ll try my best…”

“I can look over it once you're done,” he offers.

“Okay… Right, let me just start working on this.” Scrambling around your desk, you start shuffling through the papers. Malleus leaves you to your work.

---

Pouring through books on treaties and negotiations, you attempt to draft up a proposal. Diablo provides you with a few old proposals that were made back in the day. You also try to keep in mind the etiquette the Queendom of Roses has. They have a lot of rules; eight-hundred and ten to be exact.

If you want the proposal to be accepted, you need to ensure you’re following all their rules as well. It’s honestly ridiculous, but you’re determined to get this done right. If you can do this and show Malleus you’re capable, it’s bound to make you more favorable in his eyes. All you need is for him to think of you favorably by the time the protagonist shows up.

You crumble up another sheet of paper and toss it on the floor. The proposal writing isn’t going very well. Letting out a deep, frustrated sigh, you set down your pen. “Diablo, what time is it?”

“It’s nearly five, your highness,” he answers right away. You hear him snap the cover of his pocket watch closed. He comes in and out of your office offering tea and snacks. “Perhaps, it’s time you take a break,” he advises.

Groaning, you stand up. “Fine!” You probably sound like a child, but you wanted to get this done as soon as possible. However, you’ve barely made a dent.

“Might I suggest a walk in the garden to clear your head?” He bows. “The weather is lovely and some sun will do you good, your highness.”

Following his advice, you head out to the garden. It really is a beautiful place. Inhaling deeply, you feel some tension leave your body. “Mhmm! You’re right, Diablo. I needed this.”

The old butler bows. “I’m glad my suggestion is helping.”

You continue your leisurely walk through the gardens. There’s still something bothering you about this marriage. Your country is much smaller and weaker compared to Briar Valley. In regards to value, Briar Valley got the short end of the deal. And based on what you remember in the book, Malleus had no feelings for the queen. His one true love would be the protagonist. So why on earth did he agree to the marriage in the first place? The author never explained it.

“Your highness?” Diablo’s voice brings you out of your thoughts.

“Hmm?” He gestures to Malleus, who had at some point shown up. “Oh! Hello, your majesty.”

Malleus looks surprised to see you. “I did not expect to see you here.”

Right, because the queen usually spent her days locked in her room. “I just needed some air. I’ve been working on the proposal but haven’t had much luck.”

He nods. “I see.” You watch as his eyes dull and his face falls back into a stoic expression. The queen’s unique magic is still in effect. “If you need help, I’m sure there are some old proposals Diablo can find for you to use as samples.”

“He’s already done that. I think I just need more time to wrap my head around it.” You can only hope the unique magic effects will wear off eventually. “What brings you out here?”

Mallues holds up a watering can. “I wanted to tend to the roses.” You realize now that he’s actually dressed down. “I know we have the gardeners to take care of everything, but I do like to tend to the roses once and awhile,” he continues. “I haven’t felt up to the task recently, but today seems like a nice day.”

The image of the regal king of Briar Valley taking care of flowers pops into your head unbidden. It’s actually quite a heart warming image. “I didn’t realize you had a green thumb,” you joke. He really doesn’t seem the type to get down and dirty.

Head tilting slightly, he regards you coolly. “There’s a lot of things I like to do. I guess we just haven’t had much time to learn about each other.” There’s no maliciousness in his words, but it still hurts. And even though you know it’s not your fault, you still feel a bit bad.

“I guess we’ve been busy…” you respond lamely. Sighing, you look over to Diablo, but he’s busy minding his own business. “Do you mind if I…if I help?”

“If you want to.” He hands you the watering can. “I’ll do some pruning over there. You can start watering them over in that area.” He’s all business as he directs you.

Despite not being dressed properly for garden work, you don’t comment. Watering plants is fairly easy compared to pruning. As you silently water the plants, you watch Mallues from the corner of your eye. He’s laser focused as he works quickly and efficiently. He’s obviously done this a lot.

By the time you're done, you're sweating, dirty and exhausted. Your clothes are smeared with dirt from the times you leaned a bit too close. Wiping your forehead with the back of your hand, you can feel the fatigue in your body. The queen never did hard work, and you can tell just by how raw your hands feel. Gripping the watering can so much had caused the skin to blister and break.

“Your highness, I believe it would be best to go inside and rest,” Diablo called. The old butler had hovered around you with concern, but you had waved him off. You were determined to get this done without any help. Anything to get on Malleus’s good side.

You can feel the sweat clinging to you like a second skin. “I think you’re right…” you huff. The sun continues to shine down rather harshly as you peer up. “I think I need a bath,” you mumble.

Swaying as you walk, you stumble a few times. Diablo is by your side immediately. “Your highness!”

“Damn this body,” you mutter. Your vision is blurry as Diablo’s voice fades in and out. “I need a nap, Diab-” Then everything goes black.

---

When you wake, your body no longer feels like lead. You sit up in bed. Someone had changed you out of your clothes and into something clean. Panic settles in unbidden at the thought of someone seeing your - the queen’s - back. It’s something she wanted to keep hidden from everyone. Even if she’s no longer in the body, her emotions still linger. Some are stronger than others. This particular topic is a sensitive one.

“You’re awake, your highness.” Diablo stands from his seat in the corner of your room. Your head whips around in his direction.

“Who changed me?” you ask, not bothering to beat around the bush.

Standing at your bedside, he bows. “I did.”

The silence stretches on. Then, “Did you…?”

“I did not see anything, your highness,” he responds smoothly.

Your body relaxes. “Okay.”

Standing up straight, he adjusts his jacket. “Your highness, if you ever wish to talk, know that I am here. Whatever you say to me remains confidential. From everyone.”

A small smile forms on your lips. “Thank you, Diablo.”

Diablo nods. “His majesty wanted to know once you woke up. I will get him.” Giving one last bow, he leaves your room. After a few minutes, Malleus sweeps into the room and to your side.

He suddenly drops down on one knee and bows his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Pl-please stand, your majesty!” You wave your hands around uselessly.

Looking up, there’s something different in his gaze. “I should have realized you aren’t used to working outside like that. Instead of watching out for you like a good husband, I ignored you. Please forgive me.”

Reaching over, you try to push his shoulders to stand, but he does not budge. “Your majesty, I am fine. It’s partially my fault as well. I shouldn’t have pushed myself when I knew I needed rest.” Hands falling on your lap, you sigh. “Please stand, Malleus.”

That seems to have an effect. He slowly stands up. “Still, I should have checked in on you. I promise this won’t happen again.”

Patting the bed, you gesture for him to sit. He perches himself precariously on the edge. “I don’t mind helping with the roses. I want to spend more time with you doing things like this,” you tell him. “You’re right that we barely spend time together, so I’d like to remedy that.” You take his hand in your own.

He’s silent as he stares at your connected hands. Then, “I’d like that as well.”

There’s a comfortable silence between you two. Holding his hand feels comfortable. And dear you say his hand feels safe? It’s a strange feeling but not unwelcome. You feel closer to him now.

“What do you want to do?” he asks suddenly.

You manage to pull your gaze from your interlocked hands. “What?”

He runs his thumb over your knuckles absentmindedly. “You said you want to spend more time together. What did you want to do?”

“Right now?” He nods. “Uh…I don’t think my body can do much.” You look around before your eyes fall on a stack of books. “I was planning on reading a few of Briar Valley’s folklores. Do you want to read together?” It’s rather boring but you really don’t want to move.

Malleus gets up to grab the books. You scoot over to make room for him. He hesitates. “Come on. I promise I won’t bite.”

Sitting on the bed while propped up against the headboard, he hands you the books. “Lilia has read these to me before. But it’s been a long time,” he comments.

“It’ll be a refresher for you and something new for me.” Sharing the book between you two, you flip open to the first story. “Once upon a time…”

---

As promised, you spend a little more time with Malleus. You don’t do anything too exciting like little walks through the garden or reading together. The latter he seems to enjoy a lot. Sometimes he would pop into your office just to check-in. He even starts showing up for breakfast and dinner.

Honestly, it felt strange at first seeing him so often, but you quickly got used to it. And it’s nice to be able to talk with someone else besides Diablo.

“Diablo, where is Malleus?” you ask, setting down your pen. Stretching, your body feels stiff from sitting so long.

“He’s on the training grounds.” Taking the proposal in hand, you leave your office. “Master Lilia has returned with knights Silver and Sebek.”

You pause in your walk. Brief, blurry images of these three people emerge from the queen’s memories. It seems that she didn’t have many memories of these three. “Returned from?”

“They went on a mission in regards to the Queendom of Roses,” Diablo explains. “Since a possible war with them has been called off, there is no need for master Lilia to continue. I’m sure Sebek is thrilled to be back at his highness’s side.” Diablo chuckles while shaking his head.

Continuing your walk to the training grounds, you wonder what they’re like. Since the queen didn’t have any interactions with them, you’re going to meet them for the first time. From the brief information she had, the two knights are meant to protect Malleus. Master Lilia was Malleus’s caretaker from when he was a baby.

As you come to the outdoor training grounds, you can hear the murmur of voices. Malleus stands with the three Diablo mentioned. They seem to be having a good time as he even cracks a smile. At least the queen’s magic is weakening.

Sensing your presence, Malleus turns to you. His eyes immediately fall on the paper in your hands. “Have you finished the proposal?”

“Yup. I wanted you to check it.” Holding out the paper, he starts reading. You notice the other three are staring at you. “Hello…”

Silver and Sebek bow. “Your highness,” they say in unison.

Lilia’s gaze darts between you and Malleus. He smiles slyly. “It’s nice to see you two talking and getting along,” he says aloud.

“Hmm…” Malleus makes a noncommittal noise as he finishes reading the proposal. “It’s not bad. There are a few things I believe you can change, but it’s a good proposal overall. I’ll leave the edits in your office tomorrow.”

If there weren’t people around, you would've patted yourself on the back. “Thank you, Malleus!”

“Hrrk?!” Sebek makes a noise in the back of his throat.

You glance over at him as he tries to compose himself. Continuing, “I also think that once we send the proposal, we should do it the way the Queendom of Roses would.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Malleus nods thoughtfully. “What are their customs?”

Ticking off the rules on your fingers, “We need to send two messengers on white horses. Each messenger should wear a red rose on their lapel. It must be before or after noon time as the queen typically takes tea then.” Your nose scrunches as you recall all the rules you read.

“They’re rules are unusual,” Malleus murmurs. “But I’m sure this will help better our stance with the queen of hearts.”

“That’s what I hope. Anyways, I’m going to finish up some of the other paperwork. I’ll see you for dinner?” You usually don’t ask since he’s been joining you for breakfast and dinner as of late. However, you want him to catch up with everyone.

Smiling, he nods. “Of course.”

Giving him a wave, you and Diablo return to your study. You can feel the other three staring the entire time.

---

Once you disappear Lilia leans in close to Malleus. “It seems that the queen has finally come out of her frozen shell, hmm?”

“Sh-she called you by your first name…” Sebek mutters, bewildered.

“We’ve been getting to know each other,” the dragon king replies. He has a faint smile on his face as he stares off into the direction you went.

The three exchange looks. Silver clears his throat. “I’m glad to see you two are getting closer. And you seem more yourself, your majesty.”

Hand under his chin, he hums thoughtfully. “Now that you mention it, I do feel…lighter.”

“Hoho, to be young~!” Lilia teases.

Shaking his head, Malleus's smile falls into a serious expression. “Did you find anything?” Down to business. His eye flash green as he casts a silencing spell around them.

All three straighten up. Lilia speaks first. “Unfortunately, we do have some bad news about the queen’s parents. It’s too bad seeing as you two are getting along…” He sighs.

“Go on.” Malleus is stone faced as Lilia tells him the news.

[miss-ali-lawliet]

Meet my mouthwashing oc, Margot! Down below I will put down her info for you to get the gist of her character! She's my main oc in the fandom, and I adore her greatly.

She is endgame is Curly/Anya but pre-during game she finds herself stuck in a toxic relationship with Jimmy unfortunately, but depending on the verse she's in, she's able to break free and to pave a better future for herself (and a possible child she may have)

General info

Name: Margot

Nicknames: Maggie, Mags, May, Mar, etc.

Age: Early-mid thirties.

Gender: Female

Pronouns She/Her

Sexuality: Bisexual / Poly

Height: 5'3

Extra: American

Looks

Hair:. She originally has brunette hair with a slight wave, but she dyed her hair to be a much lighter brown/almost blonde. Her darker roots show though. She also tends to style it via tying it in a low ponytail.

Skin: Margot has fair skin with freckles dotting her face and body.

Eyes: Her eyes are a pretty blue, looks gray in some lighting

Body type: She has a feminine body, her stomach isn't the flattest as it's a bit soft. But her time on the Pony Express has her losing weight over time.

Style: She wears the standard uniform like the others, but she likes to wear silly earrings and chokers to add more of a flair of her personality. Her favorite earrings are her strawberry ones.

Extra: Has a nose and ear piercings.

Background

The gist of Margot's backstory is that she grew up relatively well. She had a good upbringing with her family for the most part, and once she was old enough she would go to schooling for psychology and teaching. Initially going to be a therapist/counselor, she would get her main job as an elementary art teacher and a counselor that was willing to help her students. 

She LOVED her job and students very much, she even had a great reputation in the school and despite being the art teacher, a lot of students would end up going to her for support, to the point she was offered to be a secondary school counselor of sorts. Unfortunately, after years of her dedication to the school, things wouldn't last. Some issues occured to the point that she was let go from her job, likely issues with some parents or the school-board and district itself, or even worse it seemed to come out of no where. 

It absolutely devastated her, losing her job. It led to some rather poor coping skills afterwards as she tried to find work, but thankfully she would find herself in luck as her father knew someone who worked for the Pony Express company, getting her a recommendation and suggesting to her that this was a good break she needed to figure herself. It gave her a good payment at the end hopefully, and some time away from home to try to get herself back in order mentally so that when she came back, she could get back into the groove of things.

How could she say no to that? 

 Misc things

Likes: Food, she loves having sweets and healthy food like fruits and veggies or something with meat, she tries to eat healthy at least but she has her weaknesses. She likes funky jewelry and accessories and appearing nice/presentable, animals, having a connection with someone in some way (as friends or more), giving a voice to the voiceless. Sometimes questionable taste in people. 

Dislikes: Being alone for long periods of time, bitter tasting food, the taste of alcohol even if she drinks it sometimes, not being understood, making others feel negatively, feeling way too much or nothing at all. 

Bad habits/coping skills: Smoking, sleeping with others to try to feel something, drinking at times. Margot even tries to make herself look better than she actually is feeling for the sake of not causing issues/concerns for herself.

Fears: On top of the basic fear of death, she fears failure/being stuck somewhere she hates. She also fears not being there to help/do something when she can. She also has a fear of fire. She even has a fear of losing control over herself and situations.

Mental illness: Depression and anxiety are the main ones she's suffered all her life, it's only worsened after losing her dream job. Also has BPD (undiagnosed). 

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Flesh and Fire Review Round-Up

I really like having reviews all together for series. That might just me me, but this went over decently well with the Bridgerton books, and frankly I thought the full Flesh and Fire series was VERY fun, so why not give you my whole journey with this quartet in one place? This is also Sera and Ash's journey, and they're objectively more interesting than I am, so think of this as their TLDR!

SPOILER WARNING. These reviews are spoilery AF. Proceed at your own risk, and don't come crying to me if you get spoiled after I've told you I'm spoiling things.

CONTENT WARNING. These books include some pretty heavy subject matter, and to talk about the books, I have to talk about the heavy topics too. So content warning for violence, sexual assault, mentions of suicide, violence, death, abortion, and physical, mental, and psychological abuse. This series does have a happy ending, but please take care of you. No book is worth your peace or mental health, so skip this if you need to. We'll be here if and when you're ready, and if you don't ever want to engage with these books/this post, we will happily see you in a space that you want to be and feel safe in.

A Shadow in the Ember

My middle sister and I have been sharing books since elementary school. Our tastes diverge a bit, and we definitely have favorite genres that the other pehaps does not roll with (literally, my PhD is in English lit and hers will be in bioinformatics, we are the Humanities-STEM divide writ large), but overall we can almost always find common ground in books. This sister is the reason I read The Hunger Games, so when she handed me this book, I dived on in...and now I have THOUGHTS. Let's talk A Shadow in the Ember.

Some light spoilers below the break. Nothing major, but take care if you haven't read the book yet!

When handing me this book, my sister basically said that she wasn't terribly invested in the leads, but the worldbuilding and subplot held her attention, and I have to agree with that assessment. Sera and Ash (or Nyktos, or Primal of Death...seriously, how did an editor not take one look at that and insist on the author picking ONE name???) are fairly generic YA protagonists. Sera has just enough character to not be Katniss or Bella Swan or [insert popular YA heroine here], but she's designed to be a canvas upon which a reader can project themself. Sometimes that's fine, and I want a blank slate I can find-and-replace myself onto. Other times...other times I would like an actual character to read about. Ash is very much the same; I imagine that a teenage reader could project themself onto him without too much trouble. The protagonists are definitely not the reason to read this book.

That said, some of the secondary characters--particularly Ezra and Nektas (seriously, where was the editor on this book? Nyktos and Nektas is just begging readers to get confused)--are intriguing and compelling and very fun to read about.

The worldbuilding and the (somehow this is a) subplot about the primals and who switched powersets with whom was incredibly interesting, and I was very much there for it. The concern about what the heck to do about the literal land dying and a prophecy/bargain with a primal that may or may not be real was intriguing. That said, it was worldbuilding and subplot rather than main plot, so it's not as fleshed out as I would have liked.

Overall, I agree with my sister on this one: I was weirdly invested in the background and worldbuilding, but the protagonists could have been any generic SFF protagonists, and while that didn't make the book less enjoyable to read, I definitely wanted the protagonists to be more than blank slates to project on.

A Light in the Flame

Ok, so two things are simultaneously true: First, if the sex in a book grinds the plot of a book to a screeching halt for like five consecutive chapters, that's just bad writing. Pacing is a THING, and the middle of this book didn't have it. Second, I am too invested in Sera and Ash's story to stop at this point, especially with the flippin' cliffhanger of this book. So let's talk A Light in the Flame.

Abandon all expectations of this being a spoiler-free review, ye who enter here. There will be spoilers.

Also some discussions of consent and assault.

Ok. Seraphena and Ash are AWFUL at communication, and I feel like if we improved that just a skoosh and cut some of the unnecessary sex scenes to tighten up the pacing, this book would have been excellent. Unfortunately, it's kind of caught somewhere between erotica and romantasy and doesn't balance those influences well in the pacing. Plus, we had all of book 1 to establish that Ash and Sera aren't good communicators, so when we got to the "oopsie poopsie, walked in on Ash and the mean girls primal appearing to be boning" misunderstanding, I was just like...have we seriously not moved past this?

And while we're here: I will acknowledge that men being assaulted by women happens, and it doesn't get the weight and representation in fiction it probably should. I also appreciate that this book handles it like the trauma and totally nonconsensual thing it is...but just because it's a guy doesn't mean I like reading about it. Because the book explicitly pulls feeding and sex apart as things that can but by no means have to go together, it pulls the metaphor away from sexual assault a bit. It's a weird one though because how much of Ash and Sera's relationship is sex, and how much the worldbuilding doesn't support reading this as not a sexual assault. It's a bit tangled and strange, but I can't even necissarily say it was badly handled, because unlike the majority of fictional instances where this happens to male characters, it's not written off as a joke. I just think the worldbuilding and intent are a little contradictory here. Like...yeah, sure, Ash and mean girls primal didn't ever actually have sex, but I literally struggle to the point of being totally unable to read this mini character arc as anything other than a sexual assault allegory. And I do not understand the mental gymnastics Sera does to try to pull apart forced feeding from sexual assault, because she did try that, but I was not following.

Moving beyond the pacing issues and issues with conflicting intent and worldbuilding, Ash and Sera's relationship was compelling. I appreciate the shift we see in Sera as she learns to value her own life--and the stab-twist as she is then condemned to die anyway, probably at Ash's hand was amazing (I am low-key an angst hound)--and in Ash as he begins to untangle all the conflicting control and wildly out of control aspects of his life. The character growth and dynamics there were always fun and believable and I was super invested in Ash and Sera's relationship with each other and their relationships with other characters.

Sera's relationships with the castlefolk--and Nektas and Reaver in particular--are darling and really lovely to read about. I also liked that we finally got to see her relationships with other primals, and her relationship with Kolis--such as it is.

Real quick before we wrap up, I just want to reiterate/clarify the point I rather haphazardly made in the intro. I don't have anything against sex scenes in books in principle. Go ham, authors, and readers can enjoy if they so choose. No judgement on their existence or the enjoyment of said scenes by readers or writers. What I object to is when sex in books that aren't explicitly meant to be erotica actually impedes the plot. And I think this book, especially the middle sections, had sex scenes impede the forward motion of the plot. We could have either cut back on the number of sex scenes or tied the plot into the sex scenes more closely so the plot kept moving even as Sera and Ash were smushing bits. So the mixed genres here was a bit of a detriment rather than a strength for this specific reason.

Just in general, the character work and worldbuilding in this book were excellent. The nice little parallel at the end where both Ash and Kolis want the embers out of Sera, but Ash refuses to kill Sera and Kolis refuses to kill Sotoria and if neither one sucks it up and kills her, her impending Ascension almost certainly will was also *chef's kiss*. I cannot wait to see how Sera wriggles out of THAT one, and the angst quotient is through the roof and I am HERE for it.

A Fire in the Flesh

One of these days, I swear I'm actually not going to do a thing I say I'm not doing. But today is not that day. This review isn't going to be as in-depth as usual, mostly because I just honestly don't have that much to say about it, and what I do have to say is...less complimentary than I shoot for on this blog. So all that said, I guess we're talking A Fire in the Flesh.

CONTENT WARNING: Some brief discussion of sexual assault. Always take care of you first; this book is not worth triggering or retraumatizing yourself over and we will happily see you next time if you need or want to bow out from here.

My biggest critique of this book is that it is generously half a book stretched to 600-odd pages. Like, you could have easily condensed the timeline, nixed about a third of the overall angst, and made this a really strong half of another book. The endless dragging out of Kolis releasing Ash and the agonizingly slow negotiations between Sera and Kolis could have paced faster without losing the stakes or the weight. Honestly, losing some of the dragginess might have ADDED to the weight, because honestly this book hit a point for me where you can only sit in a cage agonizing over whats-ifs and wherefores for so long before I am screeching at the book to *move the fuck on already*. There was too much of this book. Take some back, please.

Now before I jump into the conversation this book clumsily tried to have about sex and consent, I want to make one thing crystal clear:

Consent is important. Talking about consent is important. People knowing that they can choose to revoke consent literally at any time is important. Knowing what isn't consent is also important. This is an important topic and it deserves page time.

That said, maybe the king of "my dick wasn't actually inside you so it doesn't count" and gaslighting's court is not like...the best place to have that conversation. Especially with the mean girl primal (yes, she has a name, I don't care) actively going "I got off so its not rape" and making Sera question her own feelings about Kolis's assault on her. Gaslight is probably not the vibe you want in a romance book.

And yeah, the book tries to have nuanced conversations about this, but I didn't find them particularly well handled. The pacing and bloat of the book might have had something to do with that, because honestly I got tired of the repetitive nature of all of this. Again, brevity and speed might have strengthened an otherwise weak attempt at dealing with the absolutely fucky relationship North America has with sexual assault and its propensity to minimize, victim blame, and gaslight. And again, THIS TOPIC IS IMPORTANT. This book just wasn't well structured and paced enough to pull off the conversation it wanted to have, and then it also threw in the scene where Sera breaks a glass dildo in half and murders a guy with it. That is FARCICAL. Pick a tone and stick with it when you're trying to have a weighty conversation.

I will say that the ascension bits at the end and Ash full-on going "if you die, I'm dragging the world to hell after you" was entertaining, in a twisted kind of way. I did also think that it was an extension of the last two books' "Ash and Sera can't communicate if their lives depend on it" problem, but I'm starting to think this series is treating that like a feature rather than a bug, so... *shrug*.

That's more or less my take on this book. It was too long, it was too slow, and it could easily have been the first ten chapters of a stronger book. I wish I could say it was at least a dumb fun read, but the pacing just absolutely killed the reading experience for me.

Born of Blood and Ash

The book gods SMILED on me with this one, y'all. The book officially came out August 13, 2024, but it showed up a few days early to arrive on my doorstep the morning of my birthday. It was a TREAT <3

I was a little on the fence at the end of A Fire in the Flesh, because it was a lot of STUFF and I felt like the necessary aftermath was...just straight up not present. Well I should have more faith in authors, because this book handled the aftermath BRILLIANTLY, Ash and Sera finally figure out communication, and they get to kick unreal amounts of ass as they also figure out working through trauma. I absolutely adored this book! Small caveat: I have not read the Blood and Ash series. I have no idea what happens in those books, so it could not and did not color my read of the Flesh and Fire series, so if you HAVE read the Blood and Ash books, your experience may differ from mine and your mileage may vary.

This is your SPOILER WARNING and you CONTENT WARNING. I'm gonna spoil the crap out of this book. Please also be aware that this is going to require discussions of trauma, sexual assault, recovery from sexual assault, abortion, and a whole lot of murder. Take care of you and give this one a pass if you need to. We'll be here if and when you're ready.

So just to cover all my bases, and to start with a trend I REALLY hope we keep seeing in books, I'm going to share JLA's content warning from the front of Born of Blood and Ash here:

I love that authors are giving readers more autonomy to make informed choices about the books they engage with, and honestly given the hard conversations in this book? Well done JLA for including it. Because she's not exaggerating here; Sera was assaulted in multiple ways by Kolis in the last book, and this book is where that trauma comes home to roost.

Sera's reaction to her trauma resonated for me, because she spends a HUGE chunk of this book literally telling everyone "it was nothing," "I'm fine," "he didn't rape me [because there wasn't penetration]" (and just to be clear: He did. She gets there, but it takes time to process), and "other people experienced way worse than I did." We're not even ENTERTAINING the idea that she might have had a point, because the book absolutely does not and she DOESN'T have a point. Her experience was awful and it was real and her reactions and trauma are valid. That doesn't mean she sees it that way right away though, and I also appreciated that we got a reveal that Sera had been hiding the memory of what truly happened from even herself in this book. It can take time to acknowledge even to yourself what happened, and I honestly appreciated the time and space Sera got in this book to work through acknowledging the trauma in her own time.

So often the world wants you to just get better immediately, and that's not how brains work. That Sera was given the time, space, and support she was throughout the book was honestly lovely to see--especially since we had people like Kyn, Veses, and Kolis actively trying to twist and weaponize a narrative to try to shame, isolate, and embarrass her. But Ash was having none of that, and nor were Attes, Rhaine, or Aios. They also were very clear that they didn't need to know anything that Sera didn't want to share, and that is another really important piece for handling trauma. Nobody was judging, nobody needed Sera to be "the perfect victim" to support her. They simply validated her and offered whatever support she wanted or needed. That support and understanding was truly lovely to see, and there were moments I was full-on over here crying because of the support and grace extended to Sera as she found her own strength and her own ability to process and move forward.

And despite the fact that Sera does begin to process and move forward, there is no "have one good cry and one good conversation and suddenly everything is 100% better" nonsense. At the end of the book, Sera is in a SIGNIFICANTLY better space, and she is living with her trauma and experiences, but they're not gone. They've simply shifted, to be a part of her that she acknowledges and handles and has good and bad days with. I personally find that way more comforting and hopeful that magical disappearing trauma in books.

I could go on for a LONG time about how much I appreciated how this book handled Sera's management of her trauma, but at some point it's going to devolve into "OMG THIS WAS DONE SO SO WELL" over and over. The last little piece I'm going to say about it for the moment is that while some people might find the beginning of the book repetitive as Sera has very similar conversations about her trauma with people over and over, I would counter that with the fact that honestly? That felt deeply realistic to me. You have to bleed off the poison of just mentioning the cause of the trauma, and sometimes you need to visit and revisit that, and that is ok. Sera was allowed and given space to do that, and the world would be better if that was the case IRL too.

Now, just because we have to deal with the trauma Kolis dealt out in the previous book doesn't mean he's sitting on the beach with a book. No, Kolis is over here still trying to be the Primal of Blood and Ash and to get Sotoria back and basically wreak havoc and vengeance on everything and everyone. So not only are Sera and Ash working through the aftermath of the previous book, but Sera has to figure out her new set of Primal skills, face down Kolis and the Arae, and she has to deal with her own perceived monstrosity. That last one gets really bad when Kolis murders her entire human family, and in rage and grief Sera kills a LOT of people. Then brings some of them back to life, while forgetting that that will kill OTHER other people. Sera is super not ok after this, and spirals into "Oh my gods, I'm just as bad as Kolis" and we spend a really nice amount of time with Ash and Attes and Aios talking to Sera and helping her work through what monstrosity is and when a little monstrosity might be a virtue rather than a vice.

Again, this conversation isn't simple, it doesn't simply absolve Sera of her actions, and it doesn't even go "Oh no, sweetie, it's ok! You're not a monster!" because that would be a lie. Monstrosity exists, it is part of the reality of who Sera is and what she's become. But there is a really lovely acceptance of that, and a negotiation of how you live with monstrosity and where the hard lines are. I really appreciate the acknowledgement of that reality and the negotiation of it. There was something almost Eliot Spencer from Leverage about it, because it was coming to an equilibrium about who and what you are and how to leverage that for the most good you can do.

(Ok, I swore I wasn't going to take any cheap shots at Rhysand in this conversation, but I cannot help myself, because if ANYONE needs a come to Jesus about their own monstrosity and when it stops being ok, it's the lead bat boy!!! I said to someone when I was reading this book that JLA is the anti-SJM in some really key ways, and I stand by that...especially when it comes to the pregnancy thing.)

We're just going to take that parenthetical segue, because it's there and I am so excited to talk about the OTHER really good (if brief) conversation this book has: the pregnant person's choice when it comes to deciding whether to keep or abort a pregnancy. I did a whole little post about this while I was still reading because it was done SO WELL, and I'm just going to let Aios speak for herself about this one, because here is what she says to Sera:

Aios nodded. "Okay." She cleared her throat, her eyes glistening. "There doesn't need to be a choice [about whether to go into battle pregnant] at all." My breath snagged, and I recoiled. "I'm the Primal of Life, Aios." "You are Seraphena first." The eather intensified behind her pupils. "A woman who has fought for her autonomy. This is your body." My fingers dug into my knees. "You're a goddess of fertility, so hearing you speak of terminating a pregnancy to the Primal of Life is...kind of odd." "What I am allows me to fully understand the complex nature of these things." She reached between us, tucking a stray curl behind my ear. "Sometimes, the time is simply not right. It happens. And if anyone faults you for that, that is on them. Not you. They do not live your life. It is their problem. Not yours."

THIS IS HOW YOU HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT ABORTION. You speak directly to the pregnant person and give them all the information about their body. You remember that it is THEIR body. You don't judge. You offer space and compassion. This was such a kind, compassionate, and realistic conversation and I was almost in tears again about how well this was done.

(And again, to take a wee bit of a cheap shot at ACOTAR...JLA had the dang conversation here. SJM was just like, "C-sections aren't a thing, so I guess Feyre's going to just die. Abortion? That doesn't exist. Time for Rhys's man pain to take precedence over Feyre's choices about her own damn body!)

Sera decides to keep her babies, but the fact is? She had a choice. She would have been supported and loved whatever choice she made. There is a power to that kind of love, support, and acceptance that--once again--we could use more of IRL.

Those are kind of the big three conversations and themes that the book focuses on, but it's not all heavy and conversation-driven. The sex scenes are fewer in this book that previous ones, but they're well done and they don't bog down the dang plot, which I appreciate. Additionally, we get some purely DELIGHTFUL Ash and Sera being BAMF and going full primal. There are also some delightfully sweet scenes with Reaver and Jadis, plus some peak comedy with Sera trying to stop everyone and their mother from bowing to her.

And the best thing? Ash and Sera have cracked the communication code and they actually have FREAKING NAILED IT. That is character growth, and that is setup and payoff. I adored it.

Overall, while the middle two books of the series were a little hit and miss for me, the quartet as a whole was fantastic. I'm so happy my sister pestered me until I let her put the first book in my hand, and we've had such fun reading them. I cannot recommend these enough, and I absolutely adore Ash and Sera's dynamics.

[daytonicuconsulting]

Sedation by Race: How Outdated ICU Practices Are Exacerbating Health Care Inequality for Hispanic Patients

Health care inequality in critical care medicine is multifactorial and negatively impacts patient outcomes [18].

During COVID-19, for instance, it was noted that Hispanic patients were more at risk of having severe COVID-19 infections, and despite their younger age, they had a higher mortality rate.

Socioeconomic disparities, lack of access to health care, timing, and quality of care all play a part in the contrast in outcomes for Hispanic patients in the ICU [14], and outdated sedation practices in the ICU are causing greater inequality in and after the ICU for Hispanic patients.

Fortunately, the ABCDEF Bundle has the power to decrease seven-day mortality by 68% [12], but compliance with the ABCDEF Bundle tends to be lower when it comes to the care Hispanic patients receive.

And although delirium doubles the risk of dying in the hospital, [15], Hispanic patients have half the odds of having delirium assessments performed when compared to non-Hispanic patients [5].

What’s more, benzodiazepines are known to increase ventilator-associated pneumonia, time on the ventilator and in the hospital, and they can also increase delirium [19] and mortality by about 20% [7]. However, during COVID-19, Hispanics were more likely to receive benzodiazepines than non-Hispanic patients [20].

But the health care inequality that we see in sedation practices is not unique to COVID-19.

A secondary analysis of data from the ROSE study [9], which evaluated the care of patients with ARDS during 2016-2018 revealed shocking revelations.

For example, despite deep sedation being an independent predictor of death [17], Hispanic patients were 5 times more likely to be deeply sedated than non-Hispanic patients [2], and the failure to practice the ABCDEF Bundle may be a significant contributing factor to the 44% increased mortality rate among Hispanic COVID-19 patients when compared to non-Hispanic White patients [14].

Sedation practices in the ICU can also exacerbate socioeconomic and health care inequality long after the ICU, not least because deep sedation is independently associated with delirium [13].

Delirium increases the risks of long-term cognitive impairments by 120 times [6] and increases the rate and severity of post-ICU PTSD [16]. These post-ICU cognitive and psychological impairments can have devastating impacts on employment and quality of life after a patient leaves the ICU.

The reality is 49% of patients who have suffered from ICU delirium are still newly unemployed 12 months after discharge [11].

What’s more, access to cognitive, physical, and psychological rehabilitation after the ICU may be limited for Hispanic ICU survivors, and financial support may be limited if they become disabled.

What’s Causing This Health Care Inequality for Hispanic Patients?

In Episode 115 of my Walking Home From The ICU podcast [4], Dr. Thomas Valley discusses the findings of his study that revealed the lethal disparities in sedation practices among Hispanic patients even before COVID-19 [2].

He speculated that a language barrier may lead to higher levels of sedation and the inability to screen for delirium, as many Hispanic patients may not speak English and do not have a way to understand and communicate with their health care providers.

This inability to report pain, needs, wants, and concerns, and to have questions addressed, can escalate anxiety and agitation, influencing clinicians to continue and even increase sedation.

Nurses have reported that their primary method of non-verbal communication in the ICU with intubated patients is reading patients’ lips, thumbs up or down, and head nodding [1], mainly because their health system fails to provide evidence-based resources or education on best practices and despite four decades of research reporting these methods are wrought with error and are ineffective [21].

Inadequate for most patients, these methods are simply not feasible options for patients who do not understand or speak English, and the inability to communicate when critically ill can have deadly repercussions.

It’s been shown, for instance, that problems with communication in the ICU can cause a threefold increased risk of having an adverse event and can also make patients 26% more likely to suffer multiple adverse events [3].

Communication is a basic human right [8], and the lack of ICU communication solutions for all patients, regardless of race, language, and ability to verbalize is a human rights violation that exacerbates racial disparities in health care and worsens outcomes in the ICU.

To not pursue all means to establish effective communication for these patients is no less neglectful than to leave a patient febrile or hypotensive.

That being said, while there may have been a rationale for ineffective ICU communication to be the expected norm for intubated patients three or four decades ago, we now know how to address this issue, and not addressing it with an evidence-based approach, like the one provided by the ABCDEF Bundle, is nothing short of neglect.

The ABCDEF Bundle is the roadmap to saving and preserving lives for all patients, regardless of race, during and after the ICU.

The goal of this approach is “to produce patients who are more awake, cognitively engaged, and physically active” [12] and to “facilitate patient autonomy and the ability to express unmet physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.”

It is impossible to fully optimize and apply the ABCDEF Bundle if access to communication is not available for each patient in their own language.

Bridging the ICU communication gap will help bring better equity to care and outcomes for Hispanic patients. And if you want to reduce sedation exposure, start by reducing the need for it by ensuring intubated patients are communicating effectively.

VidaTalk Offers a Solution

For many patients, having access to communication with health care providers can be the difference between life and death.

Being able to effectively communicate allows them to understand their situation, be informed and empowered to make decisions for their care, and have pain and anxiety adequately treated.

At the same time, it also enables them to be awake and mobile while intubated, which can drastically improve their opportunity to survive and thrive both during and after the ICU.

With that in mind, I am ecstatic to share a solution to this problem in the form of a software tool called VidaTalk.

VidaTalk is the only tool that provides non-verbal communication for intubated patients in over 40 different languages [10].

If your team is interested in providing more equitable, ethical, and humane practices in your ICU, Dayton ICU Consulting and VidaTalk are ready to help.

For a free demo of VidaTalk and consultation with Dayton ICU Consulting, email info@daytonicuconsulting.com or schedule a free consultation today.

‌

References:

Al-Yahyai, R., Arulappan, R., & Matua, G.A., et al. (2021). Communicating to Non-Speaking Critically Ill Patients: Augmentative and Alternative Communication Technique as an Essential Strategy. SAGE Open Nursing, 7.

Armstrong-Hough, M., Lin, P., Venkatesh, S., Ghous, M., Hough, C. L., Cook, S. H., Iwashyna, T. J., & Valley, T. S. (2024). Ethnic Disparities in Deep Sedation of Patients with Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome in the United States: Secondary Analysis of a Multicenter Randomized Trial. Annals of the American Thoracic Society, Advance online publication.

Bartlett, G., Blais, R., Tamblyn, R., Clermont, R. J., & MacGibbon, B. (2008). Impact of patient communication problems on the risk of preventable adverse events in acute care settings. Canadian Medical Association Journal, 178(12), 1555–1562.

Dayton, K. (2022). Episode 115: Sedation By Race. Walking Home From The ICU.

DeMellow, J. M., Kim, T. Y., Romano, P. S., Drake, C., & Balas, M. C. (2020). Factors associated with ABCDE bundle adherence in critically ill adults requiring mechanical ventilation: An observational design. Intensive and Critical Care Nursing, 60, 102873.

Dziegielewski, C., et al. (2021). Delirium and associated length of stay and costs in critically ill patients. Critical Care Research and Practice.

Lee, H., Choi, S., Jang, E. J., Lee, J., Kim, D., Yoo, S., Oh, S. Y., & Ryu, H. G. (2021). Effect of Sedatives on In-hospital and Long-term Mortality of Critically Ill Patients Requiring Extended Mechanical Ventilation for ≥ 48 Hours. Journal of Korean Medical Science, 36(34), e221.

Mcleod, S. (2018). Communication rights: Fundamental human rights for all. International Journal of Speech-Language Pathology, 20(1), 3–11.

The National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute PETAL Clinical Trials Network. (2019). Early Neuromuscular Blockade in the Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. New England Journal of Medicine, 380(21), 1997–2008.

News – Vidatak. https://vidatak.com/ (n.d.)

Norman, B. C., Jackson, J. C., Graves, J. A., Girard, T. D., Pandharipande, P. P., Brummel, N. E., Wang, L., Thompson, J. L., Chandrasekhar, R., & Ely, E. W. (2016). Employment Outcomes After Critical Illness: An Analysis of the Bringing to Light the Risk Factors and Incidence of Neuropsychological Dysfunction in ICU Survivors Cohort. Critical Care Medicine, 44(11), 2003–2009.

Ely, E. W., et al. (2019). Caring for Critically Ill Patients with the ABCDEF Bundle: Results of the ICU Liberation Collaborative in Over 15,000 Adults. Critical Care Medicine, 47(1), 3–14.

Rasulo, F. A., Badenes, R., Longhitano, Y., Racca, F., Zanza, C., Marchesi, M., Piva, S., Beretta, S., Nocivelli, G. P., Matta, B., Cunningham, D., Cattaneo, S., Savioli, G., Franceschi, F., Robba, C., & Latronico, N. (2022). Excessive Sedation as a Risk Factor for Delirium: A Comparison between Two Cohorts of ARDS Critically Ill Patients with and without COVID-19. Life, 12(12), 2031.

Ricardo, A. C., Chen, J., Toth-Manikowski, S. M., Meza, N., Joo, M., Gupta, S., et al. (2022). Hispanic ethnicity and mortality among critically ill patients with COVID-19. PLoS ONE, 17(5), e0268022.

Salluh, J., et al. (2015). Outcome of delirium in critically ill patients: systematic review and meta-analysis. British Medical Journal, 350.

Schelling, G., Stoll, C., Haller, M., Briegel, J., Manert, W., Hummel, T., Lenhart, A., Heyduck, M., Polasek, J., Meier, M., Preuss, U., Bullinger, M., Schüffel, W., & Peter, K. (1998). Health-related quality of life and posttraumatic stress disorder in survivors of the acute respiratory distress syndrome. Critical Care Medicine, 26(4), 651–659.

Shehabi, Y., Bellomo, R., Reade, M. C., Bailey, M., Bass, F., Howe, B., McArthur, C., Seppelt, I. M., Webb, S., Weisbrodt, L., Sedation Practice in Intensive Care Evaluation (SPICE) Study Investigators, & ANZICS Clinical Trials Group (2012). Early Intensive Care Sedation Predicts Long-Term Mortality in Ventilated Critically Ill Patients. American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine, 186(8), 724–731.

Soto, G. J., Martin, G. S., & Gong, M. N. (2013). Healthcare Disparities in Critical Illness. Critical Care Medicine, 41(12), 2784–2793.

Spiegler, P. (2014). Benzodiazepines in the ICU: Enough Is Enough!. Clinical Pulmonary Medicine, 21(6), 288–289.

Valley, T. S., Iwashyna, T. J., Cook, S., Hough, C. L., & Armstrong-Hough, M. (2021). Associations Among Patient Race, Sedation Practices, and Mortality in a Large Multi-Center Registry of COVID-19 Patients. American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine, 203(9).

Happ, M. B. (2021). Giving Voice: Nurse-Patient Communication in the Intensive Care Unit. American Journal of Critical Care, 30(4), 256–265.

[justanotherthrowaway1950]

(Just for the record, I do view Azula's friendship with Mai and Ty Lee as toxic at best when they are young kids, and abusive when they are teenagers. Moreover, I do think Azula was Zuko's secondary abuser thanks to Ozai's enmeshed parenting and the narc parent-golden child-scapegoat child dynamic present in their home.)

(Also, this response is just my thoughts; I respect people's interpretations of fiction and enjoy engaging in fandom discourse with other people.)

"However, I personally just don't really see it as natural that Zuko would grow close to Mai alone with Azula and Ty Lee around, especially if Azula is old enough to care about what's going on...."

I respectfully disagree since I don't think Azula would care if her friends got close with Zuko so long as they remain loyal to her above all else. In fact, I think Azula would encourage Maiko since it is not only a way to make sure that her future in-law is someone loyal to her, but it is also a way to keep Zuko under her leash as well.

And this is supported by the "Going Home Again" comic, in which Azula plotted with Ty Lee to get Mai and Zuko together again so Zuko would come home again, instead of staying in Ba Sing Se, so she could meet all of her father's objectives.

"And 'The Beach' did also show us the Fire Kids going to the public beach and hanging out there, even joining volleyball games with the locals...."

Yeah, but even if the Urazi family could have gone out in public from time to time, and thus (inadvertently), I don't think Azulon or Ozai would have allowed for any interactions not mediated or directly supervised by the other members of the Royal Family, their guards, or their servants due to their controlling natures.

That and security concerns brought about by the fact that Zuko and Azula are young children, and thus unable to defend themselves from would-be attackers.

"You raise an interesting point about Zuko and Azula being cloistered, but I don't know that I can fully buy into that...I've always wondered why Zuko didn't have any friends or allies from a similar experience, at least regained them after he regained his status in Book Fire."

The reason why I think Zuko and Azula where cloistered is because of how the rest of their (living) family acts and because, on a meta-textual level, it is emblematic of how, during the course of the Hundred Year War, the Royal Family became increasingly insular, and thus increasingly cruel and insane.

Because in regards to the latter, Ozai and Iroh both seem to lack any Fire Nation friends, at least outside of the White Lotus in Iroh's case. Moreover, Ozai and (pre-redemption) Iroh lack common sense that could be easily acquired by having unmediated interactions with people, like knowing that forcing someone to marry you against their will would make them resent you forever, or that war leads to sons often dying before their fathers, with their fathers more often than not being irrevocably changed by grief.

Meanwhile, in regards to the latter, I think Zuko and Azula, the Hundred Year War Royal Family at large, being cloistered works on a meta-level is because it maps onto how IRL authoritarian regimes over time become increasing insular, and as a result, become crueler and less and less logical over time.

Also, my personal headcanon as to why Zuko doesn't have any Fire Nation friends outside of Mai and Ty Lee is that male Fire Nation Royals, at least during the Hundred Year War era, are tutored at home so they could get an education specifically designed to make them the best royal possible.

Meanwhile, female Fire Nation Royals, at least during Sozin and Azulon's reign, go to the Fire Nation Academy for Girls so they can learn the skills necessary to be good wives for their future husbands, as well develop friendships with noblewomen that would benefit their future husbands and the Royal Family at large.

And that after Ozai rose to power and Zuko got banished, making Azula the heir-apparent, Ozai withdrew Azula from the Academy so she could get tutored, with Mai and Ty Lee being the only children she interacted with, thus making her more cloistered than she was already, and setting more seeds for her eventually fall into madness.

"So my vision is that Azula and Zuko are just "nerds," kids who interests and experiences tended towards what their parents told them would make them successes, which turned them into little child soldiers who have no idea what the current slang is or how to flirt or what you're even supposed to do at a party. That doesn't require cloistering, just not hanging out with the right people after school."

I get where you are coming from. But even "nerds" want (genuine) friendship and to experience (healthy) romance. And yet, despite his efforts, Zuko isn't able to do so until his redemption arc, and as of current canon, it doesn't seem like Azula will experience such things. So I think the best explanation for their maladaptive behavior is them being cloistered, not because they are "nerds", or didn't hang out with the right people after school.

The new “I Am Zuko” book implied that him and Mai met at Ember Island as kids and soon after became childhood sweethearts. What are your thoughts on this new canon Maiko crumb?

For easy reference, I found the page in question. And for posterity, here's the quote:

Something else I learned about was love. Azula's friend Mai and I had known each other as kids when my family vacationed at a beach house on Ember Island. My journey took me back to that island, and back to Mai.

It might be adding a few complications to the history we had before. Not that complications are bad!

The previous uncomplicated lore, as referenced directly in this quote, was that Mai had always been Azula's friend, and so we had all assumed that either Mai was a designated playmate for Azula or else they met at school. Either way, Zuko had to meet Mai through Azula, usually assumed to be a playdate visit of some kind. It's notable, though, that Mai was always said to be roughly a year older than Azula and Ty Lee both, so either Mai was one of the older kids in that class, or there were other circumstances that put Mai into their orbit.

Now, we could still keep that aspect prioritized if we want; Zuko could have met Mai because Azula brought her friend(s) along on an Ember Island vacation. However, I don't think that's what's being implied by this quote. "[We] had known each other as kids" doesn't seem to suggest a first meeting; it sounds more like an ongoing relationship. And if Mai is already Azula's friend, then Zuko's and Mai's interactions surely aren't going to just be limited to Ember Island. So the implication is that Zuko knew Mai this way before Azula got involved.

'The Beach' gives us flashbacks to Zuko's fond memories of the place (and here's where it gets awkward with this new info, as I'd expect Mai to be part of those flashbacks, despite the focus on his family), but the only ones we can confirm as taking place on Ember Island itself seem to show Zuko as a baby:

The others, showing an older Zuko, take place in some kind of thick grassy area that doesn't look like any parts of the island we were shown. So, maybe baby!Zuko and baby!Mai were tots when they met. Zuko is 1-2 years older than Mai, so we are talking babies babies, not fan-speak for someone younger than 17. Yet Zuko at least remembers these moments (if we take the flashbacks as his literal memories), so maybe we can't go by the art on that. Maybe it's metaphorical and his baby-ness is just to show his youth and innocence. But I doubt Mai would be old enough to remember such a thing. And maybe that's okay, since the "I Am Zuko" book is very obviously from his POV, so his memories are the only ones we can go by, anyway.

But, again, if we go by what's implied in the language of "[we] had known each other," they weren't just babies playing next to each other in the sand while barely old enough to comprehend each other's existence. They must have been older. But if that's the case, then where was Azula in all this? Well, Zuko is 2-3 years older than her and Mai is roughly a year older than her, so perhaps Azula was too young to be concerned about other kids at that point or otherwise not interested in being social.

So the implication of those 22 words I have spent six paragraphs and two pictures (so far) analyzing is that Zuko and Mai had a real childhood friendship which predates Azula's involvement. Zuko has 'priority' in the matter of Mai over his sister, which ties neatly to who Mai eventually sides with his over Azula.

But does that undermine the existing narrative? That Mai, at the Boiling Rock, performed this great romantic act of courage and defied her dangerous master for this boy who taught her the power of hope again? If she was always truly Zuko's friend, does that make her act weaker?

I don't think so, myself.

I think it fits neatly with the idea of Azula competing with Zuko at every available opportunity, as influenced by their father and Fire Nation culture. Azula eventually saw something Zuko had -- a friend -- and decided to take it from him. Either Zuko didn't put up a fight or lost that battle. And Azula proceeded to lord her victory over him by having his former friend trailing behind her like a servant. Even when Mai and Zuko started a romance, Azula continued to maintain control, as shown off by the picnic scene where she orders Mai away with a veiled command and gets secret side-eye from Mai in return.

It's a handy little way to explain Zuko's own lack of visible friends. Maybe he didn't bother trying to make such connections with other people after Azula stole one of his first friends. It's also a convenient little excuse for how Azula pulled in a girl about a year older into her friend circle; they don't need to be in the same classes at the academy because Azula already knew Mai through Zuko.

And Mai clearly gave in to this little conflict between Zuko and Azula, so her later showing the courage to stand with Zuko at the critical moment still has the power of a good character arc. I don't think it makes her arc stronger, but neither do I think it weakens it. It just adds a little more texture, which of course is always welcome to shippers and fanfic-writers.

It does raise the question, though, of why Zuko had to meet Mai on Ember Island when she lives across the street from him. But it's not anything insurmountable, as her family is clearly depicted as on the rise when we're first introduced to them in 'Return to Omashu,' so perhaps they were rich enough to visit Ember Island but didn't yet live near the palace or even in the Caldera. Perhaps their arrival in the capital, and Mai entering the Academy, is what prompted Azula to make her move and steal Zuko's friend. If Mai spent the formative years of her childhood elsewhere, it would explain a little more why she was so bored that she taught herself throw knives. Azula tends to make lives interesting, I would think.

So there we go. One page in a Little Golden Book gave us all those thoughts. Not a bad investment.

However, I doubt we'll see any further explanation or acknowledgement of any of this in official fiction. From the quotes we've gotten, the Avatar Studios folk and especially The Mike and The Bryan seem to favor a loose continuity that isn't getting hung up on the details.

But this is certainly something us fans can run with. I'm already brainstorming ideas for some way to make use of this in a comedic fanfic. ;)

[usertoxicyaoi]

I think its already established that Daemi don't know how to write shit to save their lives. This just further cemented it.

I also think it's funny that one of the authors' favorite character is Vegas, so why the hell they would just make him suffer more and more... I don't know what to tell you. They just suck and I will not accept this as canon. Like there is just no reason to kill off Macau wtf... like, you leave fucking Venice (who provides very little to the plot) and kill off Macau??? Wtf wtf wtf wtf??? Nobody wants that fucking baby ffs, not even Vegas.

I think the authors may have a grudge against the cast/fandom considering all the controversies that have happened concerning them 2 so I think they're like "let's kill someone everyone cares about and actually like as payback! *evil laughter*" and everyone else KP, VP, KC are too important to the plot and the bodyguards aren't that much so they decided on Macau... oof

I think that if we get a S2, they will keep Macau's death, just make it better or have him die a noble death (just like how they changed it for Big- who ended up dying for Porsche- who was the actual traitor in the book instead of Ken) since I do think BOC may be obligated to follow the broad strokes of the novel and I don't think they have bought the rights off Daemi...

hiiii anon!!!

god i am MAD. like. idgaf about venice NO ONE gives a flying fuck about venice and YET!!!!!!!

they absolutely do not know how to write for their characters nor do they care much. so they kill off macau ... can you imagine the PAIN and ANGUISH that vegas would feel? at that point, knowing vegas as We know him, he himself wouldnt wanna live anymore, no matter if he has pete beside him or not. he was gonna blow his brains out just at his DAD dying and pete talked him down. i dont even think pete could talk him down if he saw macau comitting suicide in front of his eyes. like. what?? they wanna play the misery porn card on vegas????

and like. thats just vegas. who's a secondary thought rn. to me its more about macau. like. yes okay he is clinically depressed and on meds in the novel. and you know all this time since kp ended ive gone on and on and onnn about how much of a blank canvas macau was on the show and how if we ever got a s2, i wanna see macau be given depth and be explored more bc theres SO MUCH room and scope with him to do so. and like the novel, i'd wanna see macau go through these bouts of depression bc ... hell ... his entire life has just been one trauma after the next after the next laid upon him. its GOT to get to him. and i could just. so clearly picture what the plotline for macau can be if we got a s2. i could write it myself and do a better job!! and that would include not killing him off just to dump more pain on vegas and to give macau hope in wanting to live bc he has his big brother and his big brother has him!!! and he'd graduate from school and go to uni and make something of his life!!!!

but like. i just dont know. IF. we ever got a s2, would they write macau as being clinically depressed like in the novel. and of course there has to be (a) death involved in the show and WHO BETTER to kill off than macau, who's only attachment is with vegas and then pete and is a well-loved character. like i would Hope they would rewrite it all and Not have him die but then im like ... well someone has to die and whose death would twist the knife in more than macau's for the sake of Great Plot Writing and Advancement. i said it once before that i could so easily see a future scenario where pete and macau are both in some sorta danger and only one makes it out alive or vegas has to choose and that ties in with your idea of the Noble Death trope and macau probably dying that Noble Death. so either that, or they DO write macau as clincally depressed on the show and have him commit suicide, which idk if they will write him as that.

but yeah im just so ... Mad at this all. i wanna say yeah that yeah if we did get a s2, that they could rewrite this all and macau doesnt die but then ...... like. duh. its pretty obvious that macau's death would trigger and offset so much for the plot and facilitate it going forwards.

and fuck that. bc i LOVE macau so much and theres SO MUCH that can be done with him and explored with him that I COULD DO A BETTER JOB AT. like i said, yes, i wanna see macau be written as clinically depressed on the show just like the novel and for that and his headspace and character to be properly explored, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, be given hope of a hopeful ending for him!!!!!!!! ITS REALLY NOT THAT HARD TO DO YOU SICK FUCKS!!!

[oumaheroes]

Do you have more headcanons about North Ireland? Does he have any human friends and if yes did they meet the rest of his brothers? It's probably even stranger if he says that he is an uncle lol

I actually have a long held headcanon that North is (according to Scotland) uncomfortably too friendly with humans

North's at that age all children, nation or otherwise, go through in that they prefer the company of their peers to anyone else

This is fine. That is normal. But the kicker for poor North is that he doesn't really have any peers.

His brothers are not only physically and mentally older, but they're centuries older. They have shared memories and experiences and cultural touchstones that North can't even phantom and even the 'younger' nations still have centuries on him. How can he relate to a teenaged Wales' problems, when Wales as a physically 15 year old boy was dying of the plague or being peppered with arrows in a mud pit somewhere on the regular? England's version of 'too cold' means hypothermia and Scotland didn't have the luxury of being bored. Hungry? Hungry? Hungry for Ireland means an entirely different thing, quite whining and wait two bleeding hours until dinner

There are younger ones about like Sealand, sure, but he's too young. Young and well established as the acceptable baby of the family. North's this awkward Larry loner who is a sibling of ancients whilst also being younger than their children so he doesn't have that many peers of his own kind to connect to. He's growing up in the modern age which has seen more domestic change in 200 years than any other period of human existence and no one else can relate his childhood, his humour, or to what he deems as important

Humans can

But this is okay. Despite these differences, all nations have a fascination with humans, their own especially. They may be old but they're still people and all nations enjoy the company of humans to some degree.

Scotland's concern is that North seems to prefer this a bit too much.

North enrolls himself in college or 6th form (if he thinks he can get away with it) or the last few years of secondary school frequently as a new student to make new friends and form social circles. It's hard because he has to eventually let things peeter out- when his baby face doesn't age and he doesn't gain those extra inches in height that his peers do- but modern technology and messaging systems means that he can keep in touch a little bit longer than previous years

Wales and England don't mind this. Wales because Wales is empathetic enough anyway to understand that North needs this connection that he cannot personally give, and England because he's t r y i n g to be a better guardian... thing. He wants to give North space and time to explore and, as an ex- lonely child who struggled to connect with his peers himself, he is happy North can

Scotland, however, is horrified.

It's not right to be so reliant on humans. They're fun and they're nice company but it's not the same. Humans can't understand how heavy time is, can't relate to the press and pull of history. Can't know how it feels to sense a culture and the bear that responsibility. He's worried, at the end of the day, that North is cutting himself off too much and if he doesn't try to make connections with other nations now, then he'll only struggle more later. Plus there's the heartbreak of constantly having to let good friends go and he'd rather North be spared from that pain, if possible

Scotland is the one who badgers North the most about being on his phone or online and is also the one most likely to drag him along to meetings to socialise with their own kind (explore more in Reset, chapter 8). He's not too overbearing about it (he hasn't and won't ban North from doing anything) but he's made his opinion on the matter clear and often nags

As for whether North's friends have met his brothers- probably. No more than once or twice per brother though. North likes to keep his two lives seperate and they're his friends- he can be Sean around them. Not North, not a younger brother or strange young uncle or that nation attached to the UK, but himself. And he likes to keep it that way

Same then too for do his friends know much about his family. It's minimal.

Sean lives with his brothers who, suspiciously/ coincidentally/ thankfully are rarely there when his friends visit but that's probably the most that they know. North's smart enough to know that keeping information he gives out to a minimum is the best way for him to seamlessly blend in without too many questions but, if concerns are ever raised about his well-being from well meaning friends, he'll pull in England or Wales to spend time with him at his or invite one of them to a public event to stave off social services

[writingwithcolor]

Writing a Mixed-Race Lesbian in Victorian England: Navigating Queerness, Race, & Rejection

@an-unseemly-gentleman​ submitted:

Hello! This blog and mod team are amazing! I have a question I have struggled to find previous asks for.

I have a story set in late victorian Scotland and a central character is half English (father) and half Chinese (mother) but due to her mother dying in childbirth and her father being a sailor. She was raised by her white great aunt in rural England and so is disconnected from her mothers culture and she feels that disconnect deeply. This is exasperated by being a lesbian and so feeling dosconected from the white christian culture she is being raised in too. Her father later rejected her as his daughter and does not aknowledge her after re-marrying. This hurt her as a child but thinks of it as a blessing as an adult as she owes him no loyalty. Disconect is a theme shared between all the character and she bonds with the MC through both being gay and not having their parents in their lives. With all this being said, I am concerned I am telling a story that is not mine to tell. Do you have any guidence for avoiding or remedying racist tropes with this back story and how this would effect someone?

Side note. In the actualy story i have no intention of having her face any racism or microagreasions as its completly unnecessary even for ‘historical accuracy’. This is all in her backstory that is revealed through conversation she has with other characters.

I greatly value this groups advice and I fully intend to take everything you have to say on-board.

First Things First: Race

First, I personally very much dislike this textbook Tragic Mulatto backstory that you’ve set up for this character. Sailor/expat white father? Tragic POC mother? *Yawn.* White parents rejecting their mixed children is a horrible (and really, overdone) plot device that has a long IRL history. And for some reason, monoracial people are obsessed with it. Even if the father’s reasons for rejecting her are unrelated (eg. if she were born out of wedlock, etc) the associations are subtextual and cannot be erased (especially in the born-out-of-wedlock example lol). Unless you’re mixed-race, don’t go here, please. 

Beyond that, I wonder if these struggles with identity are even something you would see at all for mixed race individuals in the time period. Your description of your character’s internal conflict sounds very modern to me. I’d wager that she would focus on her difficulty with being accepted into monoracial society (especially in the time of miscegenation laws) rather than worry about losing touch with her heritage. Even as recent as the 80s, the concern was more with xenophobia rather than embracing difference/diversity (eg. one of my older coworkers gave her half-Japanese daughter an English name & didn’t teach her Japanese for fear of discrimination, and connection to Japanese culture was secondary if not tertiary). 

But this is also the reason that I say that I’m very uncomfortable with an outsider writing this story. In your attempt at avoiding a tragedy exploitation story (which, considering the parental backstory it was a rather poor attempt), you’ve swerved into an identity story. Please read through our Can I Write About X tag. 

Historical Considerations

Research real LGBT history in the Victorian era to see the ways in which people we’d consider queer today navigated society, labels, family, and interpersonal relationships. Consider this: 

What married individuals did behind closed doors was no one’s business, as long as it wasn’t made public and as long as they followed all the rules (have children, fulfill your role in society, etc.). 

Even then, bachelor and spinster cultures were a thing, and there was a place in society for unmarried individuals (even if it wasn’t the ideal). 

However, acceptance significantly depended on social class and ethnicity.

The MC’s awareness of the cultural whiteness and cultural Christianity of her society seems unrealistic to me as well; it’s kind of a This Is Water type of situation, and most people in the 21st century don’t even have awareness of cultural christianity. Queer culture wasn’t as activist-oriented as it is today. 

Your MC is more likely to be conscious of the distinctions between different Christian sects, and their varying places in society, and may feel alienated by certain religious teachings rather than meditate on the hegemonic institution that is the Church. 

Despite institutional barriers and “don’t talk about it” social taboo, queer people back then found their own communities and subcultures to thrive in, and I think it is a much more radical and compelling story to depict that. 

If you’re wlw and you still would like to write an angst narrative, that is OwnVoices and your prerogative of course, but just know that 1) the experience didn’t look at all like the way homophobia does today, so you need more research, and 2) historical suffering narratives are also just as overdone, and don’t capture the nuanced joys and hurdles of queer life before the contemporary age. 

I can’t see this story working out in the temporal context that it’s in. The struggle themes you’ve set up simply aren’t compatible, or aren’t particularly interesting. I’d encourage you to start doing extra reading, or better yet, reconsider your setting and premise. You can write a nice, queer, found-family bonding narrative that discusses community, disconnection, and religion without the complications we’ve discussed above. 

~ Mod Rina

[littlespoonevan]

I haven’t seen anyone else mention the mri and I am!! So nervous!! If they give Bobby cancer or some shit after his arc in s1 thinking he was dying and then seasons of recovery from his headspace I’m actually going to riot

believe me, anon, i'm also very concerned about the mri asjdfhd something about it felt quite pointed? like the way they mentioned his leg hurting and how bobby insisted he didn't need it until may argued back. i would really hope they wouldn't go down the route of cancer or anything like that just because 911 is ultimately a show about hope and redemption so i can't imagine them having bobby suffer to a great extent (like if they did it at all i'd imagine it as something similar to owen's storyline in s1 of LS)

tbh what my mind went to was him getting shot in 4x14 because like. that happened askdjfh and with all the parallels between bobby and eddie this season and how the shooting was ultimately the beginning of eddie's unravelling it would be interesting if something about it causes issues for bobby now??? because bobby getting shot was very much secondary in comparison to eddie and almost a non-entity?? so if it suddenly came back to haunt bobby in a subtler way (like internal damage or something that could've been impacted by the ceiling collapse) than it did eddie, it could offer some incredible parallels

whatever happens though, i firmly believe he'll be okay at the end of it all!! hopefully we're just overreacting lmao 💗

[rollerwavegallery]

Death Race 2000 (1975)

Along with Rollerball, Death Race 2000 is the other formative film of the Rollerwave aesthetic. It and Rollerball are really two sides of the same coin, and they share a lot in common- both being set in the 21st century, both being released the same year, and both dealing with an extremely dangerous sport that is used by an authoritarian government to placate the masses during a period of civic unrest. 

The key difference with Death Race 2000 is in presentation. I love this movie, it’s gaudy and self-aware, sometimes to the point of farce. Whereas Rollerball is bleak and heavy-handed, Death Race 2000, directed by cult cinema king Roger Corman, revels in the absurdity of its concept- a national cross-country race, held annually, where there are virtually no rules and points are awarded to whoever can mow down the most civilians during their journey from the East Coast to the West Coast.

With the iconic tagline “In the year 2000, hit and run driving is no longer a felony. It’s the national sport!” Death Race 2000 does not concern itself with the logistics of the hypothetical world it presents- why any society would promote such a ludicrous pastime, how hit-and-run has been accepted as a way of life, or why anyone would choose to walk out in the open during the day of the publicly announced event rather than just staying home. Unlike rollerball, which is theoretically a sport which can be played without any of its participants dying, the titular Death Race here is a plothole-laden carnival of madness, of freakish exhilaration and bloodsport. 

Like Rollerball, Death Race 2000 contains many scenes wherein the aesthetic of Rollerwave is on full display- particularly in the character of Junior Bruce, the manic wild-eyed TV announcer who has been adopted canonically as a sort of mascot for Rollerwave as a whole. His fashion choices are excessive to say the least, consisting of tinted aviator sunglasses, a tan jacket, leather safari boots, and a blazing orange kerchief. 

The film follows Frankenstein (David Carradine), a well-known and respected driver of malleable identity with plans to overthrow the system and end the spectacle, using his reputation as a weapon against the state that crafted his image in much the same way Jonathan from Rollerball does. Along the way, he and his navigator, Annie, experience a turbulent and poignant romantic subplot. The gender dynamics between the drivers and their navigators are a central theme of the film, as well as the societal mores and expectations of the year 2000, which appear entirely foreign to the people of 1975. 

The film is also notable for one of the earliest roles of Sylvester Stallone, here playing Machine Gun Joe Viterbo, a full year prior to his breakthrough as Rocky Balboa. Machine Gun Joe is a formidable secondary antagonist to Carradine’s Frankenstein- ruthless, power-hungry, and brutish. He appears seldom, but during his appearances leaves an impression on the viewer. 

The film’s cult status means that it is in fact part of a much larger franchise, consisting of the original 1975 film, the “Death Race” trilogy directed by video game schlock pioneer Paul W.S. Anderson and Roel Reine, and the much more faithful sequel with Roger Corman returning to the helm as director, Death Race 2050. Of all these films, however, only Death Race 2000 truly captures the Rollerwave aesthetic in all its glory. 

I’ll be honest here and say that Death Race 2000 is not a film for everyone. Same may find it excessively cartoonish, some may find Carradine boring while others may find the film’s gratuitous spectacle too abrasive. For those who have seen it, however, and those in the Rollerwave community, it remains a fascinating vision into a world that could have been. 

[septembersghost]

i’ll say this once publicly and never again

andr*w d*bb is not some secret crusading hero, he has had intense disdain for and disrespect towards dean from the very beginning of his tenure with this show in S4, he has done everything in his power to destroy his characterization, relegate him to a secondary role, treat him like a useless fool, villainize him for his rational reactions, and strip him of his character traits. look at the entire storyline with jack for the most abundant evidence of this. tell me it didn’t exist to shame dean for his feelings. to shame dean for not reacting in the “correct” way. to shame dean for being a “bad” parent (do not get me started on the implications with that and how it’s much worse because of dean’s frequent caregiver role in the narrative and his parentification, so not being the “good” role model/parent for jack and some of the events that follow gets us really into the weeds with medea-like undercurrents and was setting fans up to hate him). I saw people wish death on dean all season. pull up comments throughout S15 and you’ll see so many “he’s so mean to (insert jack or cas or sam here), i can’t stand him, i hope he dies” comments. the internet was especially overflowing with death wishes after 15x17. please look at “the hero’s journey” when he stripped the winchesters’ inherent skills away and attributed all of their smarts and strengths and capability to divine intervention, thus rendering their status as skilled warriors inert. and now we know that wasn’t accidental. they were setting it up. make him seem damaged, broken, wrong. tell him his remarkable resiliency and abilities were never actually his. reiterate that he’s too poisonous, too angry. then tell him...he’s actually done everything for love. force him to pay penance (to watch cas die, to get beaten to a pulp by god himself, take your pick.) and once he is thoroughly trampled under the wheel of that guilt, instead of giving him resolution and love in return, put him back where he started, entirely defined by his caretaker role, entirely defined by the person he gave everything for, and tell him he’s right, that’s all he ever was or had, he deserved to die bloody and scared. (i beg of you, do not twist his death into dying for love, for sam or for cas, because that’s even worse. he deserved to live for love, he died for nothing.) there’s so much to unpack here with ideas about sin and ideas about sacrifice and ideas about the use of feminine-coding leading to, essentially, a fridging, that if i tried to enumerate them, this would become a dissertation, and it’s already too damn long.

the finale was the last chance to crush dean and make everything about sam, who is, in d*bb’s mind, the real protagonist. this is not news to us, he has slighted dean many times. (d*bb could also never keep the lore straight. dude introduced a multiverse - a. multiverse. - into supernatural). and you may say, why did you watch his era, then? and i’d say, i still watched it for dean, because i could never leave him behind. i watched because i believed in and cared about the story. i watched because i could always find some meaning there. so i guess this was the reward for that decision.

this was always the intended ending. the details of getting there may have slightly changed, but the destination didn’t. jensen has told us this. there’s a reason it didn’t sit well with him from the very beginning, and it had nothing to do with cas (as is quite obvious given jensen’s enthusiasm for the confession scene), it had to do with the fact that they were gutting a character who he spent 15 years pouring his heart and soul into, going above and beyond to define him and nurture him and bring him wholly to life, who he considers part of himself, who he’s referred to as his “first love” and his “best (imaginary) friend,” and they told him, “here’s the ending, take it or leave it,” and they told him, when he expressed serious unsettled concerns, “you’re too close to this/too emotional,” until he had no choice but to accept that this was happening, that dean’s entire arc was going to mean nothing and that he just had to deal with it. 

he could reciprocate to cas ten different ways and he’d still be dead. reciprocation actually makes his death even worse and even more malicious and disgusting and even more hollow but let’s not go there.

any version of this story that ended with its traumatized, battle-scarred, compassionate heart never being allowed the time to heal or recover, never being allowed to live, being impaled in a frankly, ridiculous, gratuitous way (that thing was only there to kill him, it served no other function, and suddenly dean forgets what a great tactician he is? i guess because his skills weren’t “real.” and suddenly dean, who we know, without question, wants to live now. wants to keep moving forward. has reasons to choose life. wants those sacrifices to mean something. dean winchester. gives up?) is unconscionable. any version of that which tries to tell us he could only find peace in stepford heaven is abominable. it doesn’t matter who's there to greet you when you’re dead at 41 with your whole life having been ripped away from you. they’d be there to greet you if you lived another fifty years, too, and that would be much more satisfying. and there are other implications - dean is taken forever. that light is snuffed out and leaves a chasm of loss in his wake. to the point where we know people are going to die because he’s dead. because sam lives a half-life until the day he too is dead and they can be together. 

think about the real world implications - we don’t have literal monsters to fight here, but this story was never about that. it was always about overcoming all the hurt and the fear and the shadows of our inner demons, really. they said - don’t bother. it doesn’t matter anyway. all that fighting and bleeding and trying so hard and loving so, so much. it doesn’t matter. but we know that’s not true. we know dean’s life was precious. we know dean’s life mattered irrevocably. we know he should have been allowed to live. to imply, in any way, that those of us who identify with him are just too broken to find peace and enjoy freedom and give love and be accepted is, again, unconscionable. we only have this one life. that’s all we know for sure. no one is too broken to love or to live.

this is on d*bb and s*nger and everyone else who signed off on this idea before j2 even walked into that writers’ room in july 2019. there’s weird, questionable stuff going on with the 11 missing shots and different dubs and knowing takes were changed or cut, whatever else, but we were always going to end up here. with a man who has probably been planning to do this to dean for years. who likely thinks it’s edgy and subversive. one of the other writers literally tweeted that, “it always had to end for him like this” and defended it as the “right” ending. this is how they viewed him. this is all they believe he was capable of or deserved. there’s nothing wrong with holding them accountable for it

[microcroft]

Speaking of Merlin fics, if you don't mind, do you have any recommendations? I'd really appreciate it since Big ADHD means I have little patience for finding good ones -.-'

okay this was sent back in april but tumblr is garbage and i didn't see i had any new messages until right now?? im so sorry Anyway i fuckin get that my dude, except like my adhd does the opposite specifically with merlin fanfiction for the past year which has been my hyperfixation and i have been using to cope with a multitude of issues so you are in luck (if you still want recommendations) because i created a collection of my favorite fics that i am adding to a lot because i read a, quite frankly, concerning amount of merlin fics (there are some non merlin/arthur in it but its mostly merlin/arthur fics)

https://archiveofourown.org/collections/bestfunnylittlemagictwinkfics but more specifically, the ones that immediately come to mind are the long but very good ones that live rent free in my mind, in no particular order, there are a bunch in the collection which are just as good but I am really tired right now and dont want to make this post extremely long so I just want to make sure you (and whoever else may be reading this) know about these ones:

Born of Magic - "Set after 1x13. When Arthur learns he is of magic, he decides it's time to grow out of Uther's shadows. Secrets are revealed, and Arthur comes to learn just how far his father is willing to go in his war against magic. With Merlin on his side, can Arthur build the kingdom he was destined to create?" Arthur has his own cool special brand of Once and Future King magic, merlin also he is adopted by a unicorn.

Para Bellum - "After Merlin goes missing, Arthur forges new alliances to repel a deadly threat to Camelot. Nothing will stop Arthur from finding Merlin, and nothing will stop Merlin from protecting Arthur -- no matter the cost." I will never get enough married Merlin and Arthur fics and this is

The Care and Keeping of Camelot - "With Arthur dead, Camelot's destiny has soured--if it was ever any good to begin with. Gwen is fed up with grief and mediocrity and takes matters into her own hands, returning to the start to make a better Camelot or break history trying. Knighthood, rekindling her first love, and Merlin's silly almanac are all just byproducts." Post Canon Gwen is sent back in time by Merlin fix Camelot using what they learned. Featuring Morgana and Gwen having homoerotic sword fighting lessons and Merlin and Gwen's mlm/wlw solidarity.

For Want of A Nail- "Fleeing from Essetir in the bloody beginnings of the Purge, Hunith finds herself on the doorstep of old friends. That's all it takes to untangle the skeins of destiny and weave a new tapestry." Canon rewrite set in an alternate universe where Merlin grows up with Leon as his adoptive big brother, he has a very good dog, he and Leon give morgana a puppy for her birthday (very important to me), there's a whole lot of pagan rituals (which i fucking love), and merlin is a badass with a staff and throwing knives.

pretty much every CaffeinatedFlumadiddle merlin fic I have read, they are genuine comedic gold and so fucking well written it blows my mind. but out of all of their fics my faves are: Calling the Middle Man (Lancelot's characterization in my head is now entirely based upon this fic) and Thick as Sorcerers (the cat scene had me dying, and also gwen and elyan's dynamic in this fic is so fucking good)

Next to You (It's The Rule) - In which Merlin and Arthur are pining for each other and basically married, and everyone knows it, Merlin is a little shit, and all of Camelot and other kingdoms love him and see him as their ruler because he is honestly running half the kindom. Merlin and Arthur cant cope with being separated from each other, and when they get into a fight the whole kingdom goes into a panic.

(how do i do a secondary bullet???) (i really do love this fic so much, i love reading merlin and arthur being dumbasses together and co-running camelot and the majority of this fic is so unique, funny and like exactly what i look for in fics, so please dont brush it off just based off of this but i want to state that im not a fan of the genuinely-calling-merlin-queen bit. it was funny at the beginning but it did get taken a bit too far at the end in my opinion. i get that it is fantasy medieval times and it makes sense that people probably dont quite grasp that there can be two kings, i could write a whole essay on this topic but in the end it does make me feel uncomfortable, a bit like forcing heteronormativity when you dont have to because its fantasy medieval times not actual medieval times, and misgendering- it honestly did trigger my dysphoria a bit at the end but there is so much in this fic that is so good I can't not recommend it.)

okay there we go im cutting myself off now. if you want any more fics or to talk about merlin at all hmu i mostly just send shit to my friend who has never watched the show but probably has an extensive knowledge on it just from the shit i have been sending her like every day for the past year lmao.

[jerzwriter]

Following the asks an anon send the other day about various situations of MC and Ethan being parents…What if Ethan/MC ’s child was conceived during reset times? What would the other do? Does it make a difference if they both find out before or after the chemical attack? Does it make a difference if it is from a random ONS or if the baby is Harper/Bryce ’s or someone close?

OK, Nonny, trying to follow here - and it seems like you were talking about Ethan/Kaycee's child, then it switched up. So I'm going to answer the best I can.

If Kaycee got pregnant by Ethan during the "reset" period, I think that would have ended the reset. IMO, they already knew they were meant for each other (Kaycee more than Ethan, who was in denial), and this would have brought it home.

The drama factor if it were before the attack, would be that Ethan would be doubly losing his mind if he believed she was dying. The secondary factor would be what impact the maitotoxin would have had on her pregnancy. This could be how everyone else found out, they had kept it on the down low, but now, he has to tell them. And... sorry... if I was writing this story (which is JUICY AS FUCK, and now I want to lol) she would lose the baby. It would make sense. It would be devastating to them because, even though they weren't ready for a child, they wanted it once they knew it was on the way. Plus, the pregnancy brought them back together, and now it's gone, so do they stay together? Does either get too scared and run? (God, this is delicious.)

If it was post-attack, the concern would be Kaycee's health so soon after the attack, but by this point, in my mind, the "reset" was finished, and they were together, official or not. At that point, there would be some minor freaking out, and then they'd be having a baby.

Now, what if Ethan got someone else pregnant? Of Kaycee got pregnant by someone else? YEESH! That would not be good. If Ethan got someone else pregnant, especially if it were Harper, that would spell the end of Ethan and Kaycee. There is no way he wouldn't be there for his child, and I think he'd want to try to make things work with the baby's mother. If it were Kaycee, I don't think she'd continue with the pregnancy at that juncture, particularly if it was a ONS (which I don't HC her as having, but we're not talking HC, so...). But let's say she got pregnant after a night with Bryce (or maybe Tobias 👀) It could be different. They may decide to have the baby... either together or apart. In that case, Ethan and Kaycee would also be over. He wouldn't be getting involved in that.

Sigh, that was not fun. :)

[stormhaven13]

Alright. We have arrived. I am beginning the Survivor. Let’s talk about why Ikrie is my favorite character in the game other than Aloy. And to do that we're actually going to do a little story time of the first time I played Horizon. This is going to get long, so bear with me. I finally figured out how to do a read more, so the rest of this is under the cut.

So, when I first played her quests, I didn't fall in love with Ikrie. I liked her quite a bit, but it was just kind of casual, oh this character seems pretty cool. But I then went on and played more of the main quest of the Frozen Wilds, and Ikrie went into the back of my head. She'll come back, don't worry.

After I wrapped up playing this game, I do what I often do after a really good game or story, and I took some time to reflect on exactly why I loved this game so much. I've talked quite a bit about how much I adore this game's plot and world building, but I still think the number one reason for me is Aloy. I just love her character, I love her arc, I love the relationships she builds over the game, I love her design, pretty much everything about her is amazing to me. I also realized something super interesting, for me. I headcanoned Aloy as ace.

Now, I know this isn't that uncommon a thing, but I myself am ace, but I actually almost never think of characters as ace. I don't really know why, I just never have, which is especially strange, as being ace is the part of my identity I've understood the longest. Aloy is the first character in a very long time that I thought of as ace, just on my own. This intrigued me, and I went looking for fanwork, just to see what other people's takes on Aloy were, to see if there was more about this character that would resonate for me. And that's where I found the thing. The thing that opened my mind to how incredible Ikrie is.

I'll link it at the end of this, but I found a fanfic called Put Your Spear Beside Mine, and the characterization just blew me away. It looks at how alone Aloy feels, with no one to share all of the crazy things she learns over this game, and the dynamic between Aloy and Ikrie is just incredible. It explores how they are both basically outsiders with their clans, that they do not really believe in the laws and beliefs of their tribes. You may notice that this mold fits almost all of my favorite characters in Horizon, and yeah, I'm aware, but Ikrie ticks a lot of the same boxes as Aloy does for me.

While Aloy is not portrayed as ace in this fic, it opened up a whole new thing that I had loved about her, but hadn't been able to really vocalize, and now Ikrie was now balled up in all that. She has so many similarities to Aloy, with just a few key differences that just. Really hit home for me. She has a very close friend that just cannot understand her, and ends up leaving her. Rather than being alone from the beginning, she had a place where she was supposed to belong, but never quite did, but tried so hard to do it anyway. I know I say Aloy is autistic a lot, but those things just hit me very hard in a way that Aloy's permanent isolation never quite can.

And do I ship Aloy/Ikrie? I mean, yeah, I do, but that's honestly secondary to everything else, shipping Aloy with anyone was never my main concern honestly. I just love both their characters, I love how they are so close in characterization except for these key things that really do change them quite drastically.

Aloy will always be my favorite here, she's the protagonist, we see so much more of her, my headcanons for her are just so close to my heart, I probably dyed my hair red because of her she's just great okay? But Ikrie is caught up in all of that too, partially due to the ideas in that fanfic, but mostly because of the character that's already there.

Here's the fic in question, I highly recommend giving it a read, it just shows so much of what I love of these characters. And yes, this is why I think the Frozen Wilds should take place post game, this is the entire reason. Only warning to give with this is there is some smut in a few different parts, so if that's not your thing you should be aware of that. But this fic just showcases so much of what I love about these two characters, and you should absolutely give it a read. Also, @pikapeppa, who is the author, you're incredible and thank you for writing this.

But yeah, this has been why Ikrie is so important to me! I'm sure I'll say more as I play through the quest, but if you got this far, thanks for sticking with me!

[tommodirection]

18

Louis Tomlinson x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: swearing, pining

Masterlist

A/N: Heylo! I hope you enjoy this! I had the idea after seeing an ad about an internship, and so this fic blossomed! I’d recommend listening to 18 by One Direction while reading if you want! It’s truly one of my favorite One Direction songs! Thank you, and have a nice day! ❤️💕🥰

—

You didn’t expect much out of your internship at the network. You thought you’d just be another coffee girl, not actually getting the experience you wanted.

But what you didn’t expect was to be put as an assistant on the X-Factor, especially when you were straight out of school, only just having turned eighteen.

You were meant to do behind-the-scenes work, which included interviews, managing hair, costume, and makeup, and sending the contestants on stage.

It was astonishing, almost unbelievable, but you were grateful for the opportunity. Honestly, you loved the job. You got paid, you were now getting the experience you wanted, you met new people every night, and the most important thing, you were doing what you loved.

The downside of the job was the nerves that overwhelmed you each time you walked in and a contestant wasn’t ready, or each time a judge came to lecture you about the presentation of a contestant. But nothing you had ever managed before would ever prepare you for what you were about to encounter.

You were assigned to managing the boys’ group at boot camp.

At first, you were excited for the new leadership opportunity, but your anxiety sank in when you realized what you were meant to do.

You were supposed to be managing all of the boys, still managing everything, but that also meant you’d be having to actually deal with them. For five hours straight.

You had grown a tolerance for people after working with some of the tech crew for the show, but even your secondary school years couldn’t prepare you for this.

You stepped out onto the stage, standing tall, clutching your clipboard tightly to your chest. The boys were all chatting and laughing with each other, none having noticed you yet.

Your eyes drifted around the room, seeing boys in little clumps, from one group you heard someone playing the guitar, that crowd being the largest.

There were a few stranglers, some standing by themselves, heads down, hands tucked in their pockets.

You stood, waiting for someone to notice you, but a minute passed and no one seemed to acknowledge you, although it didn’t help that you were shorter than half the boys in the room.

You cleared your throat, quietly at first to see who was listening, no one turned their heads.

You cleared your throat a few more times, louder with each one, but no one even turned their head. This was going to be harder than you thought.

You had enough, resorting to the thing you hated most. Yelling.

You pressed your lips into a firm lime, taking a deep breath before letting it out. “Hey!” You yelled above the noise, a majority of the boys going quiet and the chatter quickly dying out.

Most of them had turned their attention to you, and few still refusing to look up. You waited for everyone to be quiet, but someone had to ruin it.

“Hey! Shouldn’t you be with the girls group?” A boy wondered aloud, several boys nodding in agreement. “I think you lost your way, sweetheart, you don’t belong here!” He shouted louder, a few boys chuckling along with him. “Don’t seem too smart, do ya?” This caused more boys to join in with the chuckling, although most stayed quiet.

You bit your lip, waiting impatiently for them to finish, “Actually,” you started, “I’m going to be your manager for the day, I’ll be in charge of everything you’ll be doing,” you cocked your head to the side, “I’m not lost, and I’m not dumb, you aren’t the first to underestimate me, and you won’t be the last,” you addressed the boy directly, “you aren’t anything special,” you gave a, fake, polite smile. You turned back to the group, “Anymore questions?”

One of the stranglers raised his hand, you pointed to him, and he squinted at you, “I don’t mean any offense, but how old are you? You seem a bit young to be running something this big,” he said, chewing on his lip.

“Well, you aren’t really wrong, I am a bit young, I’m eighteen years old, but just because a few of you may be older than me, don’t think I’m any less in charge,” you confirmed, giving a curt nod to the boy.

Another boy raised his hand, this one caught your eye. He had on a red beanie, brown hair peeking out from under the material. He had the most piercing blue eyes, ones that made you bite the inside of your cheek to control yourself. “Yes?” You asked, holding the clipboard tighter.

“What’s your name?” He asked, a small smile on his face.

You were taken back, no one ever asked your name at these types of events, they usually just called you ‘lady’ or ‘hey you’ but no one ever wanted your name. A gentle smile settled on your lips.

“My name is Y/N, Y/N L/N.”

—

Not long after the boot camp. You found yourself behind the curtain, watching as the judge’s made their decision on who would move forward. You stood next to Dermontt, jittering.

Your eyes were locked on the boy, who you had learned to be Louis. You had bonded, he was one of the only boys genuinely interested in how you got where you were, and so a friendship blossomed.

Each name that wasn’t Louis’ made your heart sink lower and lower, your best tightening when they got down to the final name. You held your breath, clutching on the pillar next to you, you tried to ignore the cackling from the makeup crew behind you.

They called the final name, and it wasn’t Louis. You gaped and he looked over at you, giving you a small smile, a sad one. You frowned, and waved him over, forgetting about the whole televised contest thing. He nodded in the judges’ direction, reminding you that he was being televised. You nodded in understanding, and felt Dermontt’s eyes watching you.

You snapped your head in his direction, he smirked and pointed to the boys, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

You rolled your eyes, despite the small truth behind his suggestion. Yes, you had gotten close with Louis, he was perfect. He was funny, kind, charming, sweet, polite, and not to mention deathly handsome, which also meant you had caught feelings, nothing too strong, but each time you looked at him, you felt yourself flush. So nothing to be concerned about.

The judges finished their heartfelt speech, and the boys made their way off the stage, all of the already crying, although you could tell Louis was trying to hide it.

You opened your arms when he was a few feet away from you. He collapsed into you, burying his head in your neck.

“I tried so hard, Y/N,” he mumbled, his voice cracking.

You stroked his head, trying to soothe him, “I know Lou, I know,” you whispered, your knees almost buckling when you felt a wet patch forming on your shoulder.

But unfortunately, you still had a job to do.

You held onto Louis, turning your head to your cameraman, pointing to the contestants, hinting to get interviews. You didn’t think it was morally right, but your superiors had ordered it, claiming something about getting a sob story. The cameraman nodded, then making his way around the boys, getting reactions out of each of them.

About fifteen minutes later, the boys were told to gather backstage for an announcement, and you were told to bring the cameras.

You walked with Louis, keeping a hand on his back as you walked. You gestured to all the cameras around you, ushering them to follow you.

When you arrived where the other boys were, you let go of Louis, pushing him into the crowd. He gave you a nervous smile, and turned to face the director.

He began calling names, among these were Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, and Louis. On that day, One Direction was formed.

You had plenty of fun memories on X-Factor with the boys. You had grown close, they were like your brothers at this point, well, Louis definitely did not feel like a brother.

One of your favorite memories from the X-Factor is when you were put in charge of filing the boys’ video diaries, so those were always entertaining, but you’ll never forget the first one.

The boys were joking around, poking fun at each other. You didn’t have much to do besides start and stop the filming, so you decided to have a little snack, a bag of carrots.

The boys turned to Louis, seeing what his favorite quality was in a girl, something at three him off guard. His eyes had flickered between your bag and your face before answering, “I like girls who… eat carrots.”

This caused the boys to look in your direction, Niall’s laugh echoing through the staircase. You stopped crewing, easily becoming flustered. Instead of doing a rational thing, you decided to playfully flip him off, sending the boys into another fit of giggles.

When they were kicked off the show, you were afraid that was the last you’d see of Louis, but he had invited you to be his personal assistant, well, the band’s personal assistant, and you didn’t hesitate to accept the offer.

You’ve been with the band for over four years now, falling deeper in love with Louis, although you never said anything. You were too scared.

You were scared of losing the best friend you’d ever had, scared of losing your job, scared of losing the love of your life, although the ladder is a bit hypocritical.

One of your favorite songs, scratch that, your favorite song of the band’s was 18. Although Louis hadn’t written it, it explained how you felt perfectly, something you had planned to thank Ed for.

You stood backstage, making sure the boys were ready, only a minute remaining before their platforms raised.

You went to each boy, making final adjustments to their hair and sleeves, making sure they looked perfect for their audience.

Finally, you had arrived at Louis, shaking your head when you saw him smirking. You let out a long sigh, reaching to fix his hair, not completely satisfied with it, “I swear to god if you get wet tonight because of your water fights with Liam, you’re not getting any hugs after the show, I don’t want to get wet,” you chided.

Louis bit his lip, trying not to smile, “I don’t want to get wet, title of your sex tape,” he teased and you groaned.

“Making you watch Brooklyn 99 was a mistake,” you mumbled and he chuckled.

“Too late to go back,” he said, nearly falling over when the platform began to rise. You waved him goodbye, making your way up to the wings of the stage, wanting to watch the show, but also wanting to remain hidden from the audience.

The show went remarkably well, as most of their shows do. You bopped along to some songs, giggling when Harry and Liam began trying on things fans had thrown onstage. Halfway through the show, Liam and Louis began their famous water fights, making you shake your head, although you couldn’t have been happier.

You were thrown off when the choreography for 18 was changed. Louis remained near the back of the stage, where you were within his view. You were about to go find the choreographer, but shrugged it off, they always broke their routines.

You sang along to the song, singing the lyrics under your breath. You waited in excitement for Louis’ solo, quite possibly your favorite moment of the whole show.

When he was to cue in, he turned to you, locking eyes with you, “I have loved you since we were eighteen,” he sang, making your jaw drop, not much, you weren’t sure if he meant it. “Long before we both thought the same thing, to be loved and to be in love,” he sang, still singing directly to you.

You pressed a hand to your chest, still in disbelief about what he had done. Was he messing around? Did he just do that to get a reaction out of you?

A part of you knew he wasn’t, Louis didn’t mess around with that stuff, and that’s what made it ten times harder.

The boys took their intermission, Louis hastily walking over to you and dragging you into his shared dressing room. He locked the door, turning to face you with his lip tucked between his teeth. “So…” he began, looking at you from under his eyelashes.

He was so damn pretty.

“Cut the shit, Louis, did you really mean it?” You inquired, crossing your arms over your chest.

He scrunched his face up, letting out a deep sigh, stepping over to you and grabbing your hands. “I really meant it,” he admitted, and you stared at him quizzically.

You stared at him for a moment, his eyes studying your face. You placed your hand on his cheek, bringing him down to you, placing your lips against his.

He kissed back, wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. You finally felt complete, after all these years, and although Louis had been there for years, your love was all you needed.

You didn’t rush with the kiss, after all, you had all the time in the world.

—

Permanent Taglist (If you want to be added just let me know!): @everything-is-alrightt @kaiaduke @franchesca-791 @alwayshave-faith