#they make me chew on drywall. i have to get it out of my system

[secret-smut-sideblog]

The Wolf

Lavellan x Blackwall

PG-13 - death, mentions of suicide attempt, death wish, loss, cultural grief, survivors guilt, relationships forming, sexual tension, rivalry

Waking in a prison, Lavellan finds herself the captive, then leader, of a force trying to close a rift in the sky. Recruiting a gruff dark stranger in her journey...

Masterlist

-

Sweet swirling dark. Her body wandered, released from exhaustion. Peace. A kind voice whispers.

Wake up.

Her eyes drift open. The world greets her dark with damp chains around her wrists. Low torchlight casts guardsman shadows as twitching giants against stone walls.

She rises onto forearms, tightly clenching her eyes. Gods damn her, she wasn't supposed to sleep. Grief raw in her chest.

A new pain in her palm. Flexing her long fingers, she stared at the sickly green light housed in her skin. Vague memory coming back to her.

"The Dalish elf is awake, Seeker."

A woman with close cropped hair entered her prison, staring down in that complex glare humans always gave her. Her ancestry set them against her, but her visage always drew them in regardless. Otherworldly beauty confusing their senses. Regarding her with distrust but unable to help their awe.

She rose to gently cup her hands on her kneeled thighs. Shoulders back, leveling her eyes to this captor.

The woman's eyes skirted away from her gaze for a moment. A graceful woman came up behind her, long hair and delicate armor. Darting her eyes to her companion and back to the golden kneeling figure.

"Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed, everyone who attended is dead. Except for you." The tall woman urged, her voice thick with righteous grief.

Strange memory overcame her. A wasteland crawling with spiders. A woman made of green light, reaching for her hand. The same hand that now crackled with unsteady energy, pulling her in a single direction.

Aurum rose it, turning her palm to her gaze.

Her life mattered very little, but she had questions. Closing her eyes in a flutter as they were swiftly answered.

"Kill me if you must." She hushed, ignoring the secrets unfolding in her mind like flowers. The woman's name, her goal, already told to her long ago. The rift spewing demons clear to her, high above them. "I'm sorry for what happened here."

Cassandra paused, surprise flicking behind her anger. She grasped Aurum's chained wrist, lifting the green sparking between them.

"Explain this."

Aurum closed her eyes, giving in to the secrets. But they had little to show her.

"There was a woman made of light. She pulled me out. Then I woke up here. I remember little else."

Leilana's eyes flashed, gripping onto Cassandra's forearm. Silent information passing. Well, intended to be silent.

Dirthamen, god of secrets and knowledge, had touched her back. She had been here before. She knew these women and their cause. She knew how this ends.

"You're lying!" Cassandra urged, lunging towards her. The shake in her voice betraying her conviction.

"Cassandra, we need her." Leilana soothed, pushing her back.

"What is your name, elf?" Leilana approached, Cassandra her seething shadow.

"I come from clan Lavellan. I have no name. Your holy men called me Aurum." She tried to keep the bite out of her voice. Their church, the chantry. The ruin of all of her.

"Why were you at the Conclave?"

Their meeting to begin peace talks between mages and templars. The warriors sworn to corral mages, now assigned themselves executioner. Held by their most powerful holy woman, now dead. An explosion.

She had been sent with a mission to gather information for her clan. But it was clear what it truly was. An exiling. A death march.

Before the explosion cut through her, she had been heading up the cliff to throw herself into the sea.

"My clan sent me. The war between your people has bled into our path. They sought information on when it would cease."

That seemed to satisfy her interrogation. Cassandra came forward, cupping her slender shoulder.

"Go to the forward camp. I will take her to the rift."

Cassandra leveled a glare down at her as feet departed. Aurum stared back up.

"I'm ready to die, if that is your intention."

Her jaw clenched, a thin empathy behind her eyes. With a huff, she leaned down and unlocked her shackles.

"You're coming with me first."

She rose on steady feet. The constant self imposed exhaustion receded. Her body sighing out from sleep.

"I have one question." Aurum hushed. Cassandra stopped in her stride, a softness in her gaze.

"Who braided my hair?" The long plait rested against her hip. Shining gold even under the damp lighting.

"Solas." Cassandra sighed, taking Aurum's forearm to encourage forward. Both striding in a fast clip. "He was watching over you."

"Come. We have little time for chatter."

Aurum nodded, the pull of her palm a clear guide.

"Take me to your danger."

-

"So, how're you enjoying our little band of merry misfits?" Varric smiled, slinging his crossbow, a Bianca, he had informed her, over his shoulder.

Several rifts had been closed, the tangling politics of the human world set before her to un-knot. She was tired, but that was far from a new condition.

"You're good people." She smiled warmly at him. "Though I'd rather Cassandra be in charge."

Varric laughed.

"Nah, she's too deep in the fight. Too many scars and prickly feelings. We need fresh eyes to keep us moving forward."

She rubbed her scar with a thumb. The angry burned skin hidden inside her wrist a touchstone of grief.

"None of us are unscathed in this."

"That's the damned truth." Varric sighed, looking out over Haven. Their small fortress, the remains of the wake of the Conclave. "But you've been impartial so far. We need that."

"Get some rest, kid. Don't think I haven't noticed you wandering the grounds at night. You need more sleep than three hours. We'll find the Warden in the morning."

She smiled sadly at him. How little they knew of her.

"Thank you. Dareth shiral."

She paused, then laughed. Varric's eyes filled with mirth.

"Sorry, I mean goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sunshine."

The night air was crisp in winter cold, breathing it in deep. Snow crunching under her feet on her meandering trail down to the stables.

She had been sleeping there, the small amount she allowed to herself, nearly every night. Being inside the chantry turned her stomach, she tried to spend only needed time there.

"Kin, a word?"

Solas' poised frame took up next to her.

"You have no idea how soothing it is to see a familiar face." She sighed, turning to him. "Speak to me."

He smiled gently, a soft knowing in his eyes.

"I've been wondering about your dreams, if you'll indulge me. There is an... unknown to you. And those with this quality tend to wander in dreaming."

She paused. Weighing how much truth to unravel. Settling on a half omission.

"I don't dream. Not like that. It is a darkness that swirls around me. I walk."

He was quiet for a moment.

"Where are you trying to reach?"

She shook her head.

"I'm lost. Fading. I have to find someone."

There was a strange weighted silence fallen over him. Staring at her with an intensity that held her still.

"You are not lost. You have not been abandoned."

An ichor tear began to well in her eye, blinking it down. Rising her hand to her eyes to rub it away before the mercury silver could escape her.

"I hope you're right. I'd like to reach somewhere eventually."

He stepped forward, peering at her.

"Your god is Elgar'non, is it not?"

Ah, yes. The All Father. Father of sun and fury. His symbol tattooed across her face in deep gold. A diversion and protective measure, subterfuge for those that would seek her power of foresight.

"I was sworn to him, yes."

He kept his stare, nearly causing her to squirm. Then, a slow smile graced his angular features.

"Of course. Only a daughter of sun could shine so bright in beauty."

Aurum laughed, lacing her hands behind her back.

"I do stand out like a sore thumb, don't I?"

"Oh, absolutely. You are a swan amongst finches."

She tilted her head at him, an incredulous smile splitting her face.

"Oh, that was a good one. I haven't heard that one before."

Stepping back, she made down towards her trail again.

"Elves are always sweet talkers." She laughed brightly. "Goodnight, Solas."

"Sleep well, Lavellan."

It soothed her heart to hear a name that once belonged to her. All of the titles they laden on her bristling up her back.

Inquisitor. Herald. Your Worship. Things they called her. None her name. Nothing could bring that back.

The moon hung heavy and full in the sky, her light guiding the quiet hush of her feet. Taking a moment to find Andruil, the goddess of the hunt's, constellation out of habit.

A familiar ache sat in her chest. Settling down into a hay bale. The horses nickering softly at her in familiarity.

So much had been lost. Fire takes all.

"No, don't do this tonight." She whispered to herself. Fingers pushing into her temples, quieting the quiver of her lip.

The stampede of hooves, the cry of her kin, smoke deep and curling up into the ceiling. Rubble hiding her small body. A hand pulling from hers.

"I love you. Breathe deep."

A choked sob escaped her throat. Beating her fist into her thigh. Determined to not break. She couldn't claim this grief. It was poisoned by her. Resolving into slow even breaths.

Laying her head down, she stared up at the moon through the high window. Silver tears dripping down her temple. Allowing her god the smallest sliver of connection she could barter. Allowing her weary eyes to finally, finally close.

-

"Up ahead, there. I see him." Solas peered down the ridgeline. At the crest of the curve of the lake, a small group of men stood at a cabin. One pacing and dark, towering over the others. The men in his stead uncertainly gripping shields.

He was a captain of the Grey Wardens, a force of men sworn to kill darkspawn. The history of what darkspawn were, and who was to blame for their creation, varied from race to race. But they were close enough to demons, and they certainly needed help with those.

"Perhaps it's best if you go first." Cassandra sighed. "I've heard this one is less... socialized."

Aurum nodded. Though she was Dalish, her beauty and poise had been a helpful tool in disarming their encounters.

Heading down the lake trail, her companions following behind, the man took up more detail in her approach.

Dark thick hair that revealed as he removed his helmet, long and slicked back with sweat. A full forked beard set against sharp cheekbones, eyes burning under a heavy brow. Steel blue and piercing through the men he spoke to.

It had been a long time since she had seen a man so striking, slowing her approach. His focus solely on the men in his stead. Voice deep and thundering, cut through with grit. Pacing like a caged wolf.

"Remember how to carry your shields. You're not hiding, you're holding. Otherwise it's useless."

"Blackwall? Warden Blackwall?"

He turned to her, the melody of her voice picking up on the air.

He froze, eyes going wide. Then huffed out a breath, striding forward. Glaring down at her, his frame taking up her vision.

"You're not... how do you know my name? Who sent-"

The growl of his voice cut off abruptly. His lip curled back in a snarl, head snapping to her right. Lifting his shield over her head, an arrow snapped into the wood. It's trajectory straight into her temple.

Her eyes widened, darting to the curve of his arm, the recoil barely shifting it. Safe inside of the dark of his frame.

"I... I didn't see it." She gasped, shock pulling her poised mask away. Darting her eyes back to his.

He peered at her. His eyes steady for a moment, then pulled away. A small shiver in his breath that he huffed away. Men on the treeline descending.

"That's it. Help or get out. We're dealing with these idiots first!" He pulled away from her, a sword slung easily in his fist.

She smiled. She always loved the bristled ones.

"Gladly." Unslinging her bow from her back, she fired an arrow right between a man's eyes. Dropping him instantly.

Blackwall's jaw clenched, then dove forward.

The way he fought rose a lust in her. Slamming into bodies like a bear, the power of his swings knocking men into the dirt. Charging and unleashing fury into his foes.

She flanked behind him, using his body as a wide shield. Firing down over his shoulder, under his arm. Moving as lightning around his thunder.

Fighting with him felt natural. And over too quickly.

As the last fell, he drove his sword down into the dirt. Crouching down to stare at the slack face of the dead.

"Someone you know?" She offered softly, coming up to his side.

He was quiet for a moment longer.

"No. But someone should remember them."

He shook his head, voice a growl again.

"Sorry bastards."

Rising back to feet to encourage the farmers turned soldiers he had taken under his wing. Shaken, but alive. His wide back still tense.

They wandered away, and he turned back on her.

"Why do you know my name? Who are you?"

"I'm with the inquisition. I'm here to see about the disappearance of your kin. The Wardens."

"Kin?"

"She's Dalish, don't mind her." Varric smiled, leaning against the cabin.

"Apologies, your men."

Blackwall bristled at her companions' presence, seeming to see them now.

"I prefer to travel alone." He rumbled, eyes cutting back to her.

"So do I, but there's strength in numbers." She sighed. She was fond of her party but Gods, did she miss the solitude of the forest.

"I'm guessing you don't know their whereabouts then?" She offered, pulling his sword from the ground and holding it out with the hilt towards him.

He stared at the blade grazing her chest. Quickly taking it from her.

"No. I haven't seen another in years. We dont keep track of one another." He seated it back with a grumble.

"Right." She smiled, stretching out her shoulder with a pull on her lifted elbow. A small sigh of strain released. "You've been a great help in battle. I liked fighting with you."

He leveled his gaze on her again.

"And I you."

She smiled at him and saw his eyes dart from her.

"Well, that answers all my questions. I'll be out of your way, lone Warden."

She stepped forward, Cassandra's tired stare beckoning her along.

"It was lovely meeting you, I hope to see you again." She smiled as she passed. Varric rising from his lean, Solas picking up at her side.

"Inquisition... agent. Hold a moment."

She turned as he drew forward, a furrow in his brow. Shoulders softened.

"I've heard good word of your cause. I have not traveled with another in ages... but if you're truly seeking to solve this... Maker, this hell..."

She waited, seeing his resolve form, waver, then build again.

"If you're trying to put things right, maybe you need a Warden. Maybe you need me."

"And maybe I do." She smiled, his posture pulling straight. "I would be honored to have you."

"Then you'll have me." He breathed, then filled his words again. "I didn't catch your name...?"

Solas took up behind her, a solid presence. Staring over her shoulder.

"I have no name. Lavellan is fine."

Blackwall met Solas' eyes, a cold reproach. Then softened on hers again.

"You have no...? Right."

He took up on her right, resting his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"Where to, Vella?"

~

Next Chapter

[flock-talk]

dear flock talk

today my mom stepped into her car (having left the windows open on accident) and found a bright yellow parakeet on the dashboard. we have no facilities for birds but we got the birdie into the house and gave him some mashed banana and some bird seed my boyfriend gave to me, as well as made sure that our cat wouldn't cause any danger. the poor thing seems really scared and freezes whenever i walk into the room to check on him. he hasn't made any sounds since we've brought him inside. we put up an ad for a lost pet but in the meantime, is there anything you might recommend doing to make him feel a bit more relaxed while he's here?

the fellow in question ^

The banana distribution system is functioning well I see!

Be sure to check for local Facebook groups, often times there isn’t a rescue facility but there will be Facebook groups to post lost/ found animals or online only shelters that don’t have physical locations but will share found pet listings on their site! Veterinary facilities will also be a good place to check, and a good opportunity to have someone check the bird over to ensure they aren’t immediately ill or dehydrated. You can use the site aav.org to locate facilities with avian vets nearest you- this may help you narrow down what clinics this bird may already be a patient in which could help you narrow your search/ leave found bird posters at.

Definitely be sure to keep the cat and bird completely separate (no matter how much you trust your cat!) as just their saliva left over on their fur can kill a bird let alone potential prey drive risks!

In the meantime I’d set up a cage for the little fellow, a deep cleaned cat carrier could work in a pinch if you have one laying around- just ensure the bird can’t fit its head through the bars. Birds can get hurt very easily if left alone in a room (falling from heights, chewing electrical wires, getting caught in fabrics, eating drywall, the list goes on) so do try to find some way to contain them. This will also provide them with a safe space as they won’t feel as out in the open which may help the little banana bird settle in a bit.

In the cage provide their seed mix, clean water, and fruits + veggies near the top of the cage- stressed birds are less likely to travel to the floor to eat and feel safer staying up high. Watery foods like lettuce or apples can help to rehydrate them since they are probably a bit dehydrated after their grand adventure.

As for stress the big thing right now is just going to be leaving them alone, get their carrier set up somewhere quiet and up high against at least one wall, preferably two. Give them space and time to slow down, eat and drink, and de stress. For some birds talking to them very calmly and quietly without major eye contact can also help as well as soft white noise playing to help dull out sounds that could be sudden and startling. Overall just a dark quiet space will do the most good for now

[peppersonironi]

Duke Thomas VS The "Good Child" Stereotype Chapter Four

For my @dukethomasbigbang fic, we have the third prank, and fourth chapter! I hope y'all like it! Yet again a huge thanks to betas @queerbutstillhere & @theycallme-ook

Summary:

Everyone was suddenly shaken out of their stunned staring when the Cave’s sound system flared up, blasting dramatic choral music. It was the perfect track for the perfect moment, building up tension to an uproar as the lights dimmed slightly, and all attention was brought on the crackling of lightning arcing across a new figure, who was rounding the bend.

Duke grinned at his crowning achievement.

Read on Ao3

Ah, Cheerios, the best kind of breakfast cereal. Duke just didn’t get why people seemed to hate them so much. They weren’t bland, they just had a nice even subtle oat flavor which was refreshing compared to all the intensely sweet sugary crap that Dick kept attempting to sneak in past Alfred. And they were so delicious with milk! Of course, they were also fantastic when you added things to them as well, like a light drizzle of honey, or a small handful of granola. If you were feeling especially adventurous - or if Damian was the one to go shopping with Alfred and therefore got the choice in what was bought that week - you could even have it with some unsweetened vanilla oat milk.

“But does that count as a subset of cannibalism?” Duke wondered aloud between bites of cereal.

He took another bite thoughtfully and hopped down from the island in the middle of the kitchen to make his way out the door and down the hall. Alfred was away for the weekend (Tim had mentioned something about regaining his honor in a pie baking duel with Ma Kent? Duke wasn’t sure.) so he wouldn’t get in trouble.

Not that he ever got in trouble. For some reason.

Duke angrily crunched down on another spoonful when a sudden banging around came from the ceiling above him. Duke froze, suddenly terrified. What was it? Aliens? Did Alfred (The Cat) finally figure out how to phase through walls? Were some of the skeletons (which Jason had warned Duke he stored in the drywall) finally reanimate and were slowly crawling out, in a slow determined quest for revenge?

As the opening to the air vent just a few feet ahead banged open, releasing a lone figure, Duke was dismayed to find it was not, in fact, some fantastical being or occurrence.

It was just Steph.

Duke quickly finished eating the spoonful of Cheerios and chewed as he waved a greeting with his spoon.

Stephanie, who was completely covered in glitter and carrying a feather duster, glared daggers at Duke and slowly, methodically, drew the duster across her throat.

Duke swallowed heavily and cringed. Ah, it probably would be in his best interest to avoid blaming the purple clothed bandit for any of his pranks in the future.

*****

For the second time that day, Duke found himself in the kitchen of Wayne Manor. Though this time, instead of pondering the moral and psychological repercussions of eating his cereal with oat milk, the teen was having a pre workout snack with his younger brother.

“Add more whipped cream, Thomas,” Damian advised, passing Duke the can. “Dairy is protein, and protein is essential to proper nutrition.”

Duke took the can with a grin, and added a more generous than necessary squirt to the top.

“Alright Dami,” Duke said as he set aside the can, “But you need to be sure to add more than one cherry. Fruit is good for you, you know.”

Damian sniffed superiorly and delicately pulled out three maraschino cherries from the fancy jar than Alfred kept in the pantry. He then placed them precariously on top of the summet of his ice cream sundae mountain.

Duke held up his spoon in front of Damian. “Shall we dig in?”

Damian grinned - a rare occurrence which took the years off of his face, allowing him to truly look like a child. Duke quietly celebrated, ever since he first saw Damian smile at him, he had made it his mission to make his younger brother happier more often.

They clinked their spoons together, and dug into their huge deserts. It was a good thing that Alfred wasn’t home at the moment, or the old Butler would have an aneurysm at the amount of sugar they were putting into their bodies. But oh well, they deserved it for the training session that they’d be taking part in later that afternoon.

It wasn’t often that Bruce had enough time to do a full workout session with any of his kids, let alone something smaller like a one on one thing, or him and a few others. Duke had only gotten this privilege during his first year of staying with the Waynes, and at the time, when he was futilely trying to kick down trees in the yard, he hadn’t understood why such a thing was coveted by his siblings.

But now he did, so he completely understood Damian’s excitement when the thirteen year old had animatedly informed him that because all the others were gone from the city that day, only he and Duke would be present for the training session. So of course Duke suggested making a special treat in preparation.

They were at the very bottom of their large bowls of ice cream when Bruce walked into the kitchen carrying his large jug of water.

“Are you boys ready for today?” Bruce asked, and Duke and Damian grinned.

“Of course, Father. We have been preparing extensively for the past half hour.”

Bruce eyed the empty bowls in front of each of his sons, and grunted. “And sprinkles helped you do that?”

Duke scoffed. “Of course, B. Didn't you know that?”

Bruce looked skeptical, so Damian butted in. “Father, Pennyworth is always informing you to eat your colors. You americans eat such bland food, all tans and grays. Surely compact fluorescent bites are the best way to remedy such a problem.”

Bruce squinted, but didn’t seem in the mood to argue, so he turned around and began to leave the kitchen. “Just be in my study in twenty minutes.”

Behind him, Duke offered a fist bump to his partner in crime. Damian accepted with a smirk.

*****

“Please tell me I’m not late!” Duke exclaimed as he rushed into Bruce’s study.

Bruce and Damian were over by the clock, looking as if they were about to input the time. Duke heaved a sigh of relief at that. Being late to a training session was a mortal sin in the Manor. Or at least, that’s what Jason told him. He said it was the reason he had died (something about Bruce kicking him out, which made him go to Ethiopia for some money an old rich uncle of his had left him, and then the Joker catching wind and tried to rob him, which somehow ended in with him, a warehouse, and a crow bar).

Suffice it to say, Duke made it his mission to never be late to a training session. Ever.

“Tt, Thomas,” Damian remarked, turning back to the clock. “You were cutting it close.”

Bruce sighed. “You’re fine Duke.”

Duke nodded and took his place right behind Damian. The boy huffed in a satisfied manner and crossed his arms.

“Any day now, Father. Unlike you, my time is precious.”

Translation: Damian was excited, and tired of waiting.

Bruce frowned as he spun the arms of the clock again. “The clock is broken.”

Duke raised his eyebrows. “Wow, that couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that it’s really just a door, right?”

Bruce frowned back at the face of the grandfather clock, not bothered by Duke’s incredibly funny remark.

A few seconds later, Duke tried again. “Bruce, what’s wrong?”

Bruce’s eyes were narrowed to slits by now, and his brow furrowed in concentration. “The entrance is malfunctioning. I want you boys to go around and check the others. Including Stephanie’s smuggling tunnel.”

Duke blinked. “Stephanie’s what now?”

Bruce made a shooing gesture with his hand. “Yes, I know about that. Now go.”

Duke and Damian looked at each other, shrugged, then left the room. Might as well do what Bruce says. The sooner they got this over with, the sooner they could work out. Plus they were sort of curious to know what was going on. Neither of them knew, they were innocent! Especially Duke.

Fifteen minutes later, and the trio reconvened in the study once more. Bruce looked angry, Duke looked confused, and Damian was positively fuming.

“This is outrageous!” He cried, as soon as he entered after Duke. “None of the entrances are working! I even attempted to use imaginative means to enter, and nothing worked!”

Bruce’s grim look receded for just a moment. “I’ll let Barbara know she did a wonderful job shoring up the security if even my children can’t get in.”

Damian scowled. “What’s the point of making security that we can’t get into?”

Bruce closed his eyes for three long, tired seconds.

“Anyway!” Duke said, “They aren’t allowing access. Any theories? Or should we just get Tim?”

Damian looked appalled at the idea. “Father!” he cried, “you can’t call Timothy! He will be unable to operate at maximum capacity if he does not complete the weekend of so-called relaxation with the clone at the Kents’ farm.”

“So second best option?” Duke asked.

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “I hope you don’t let Barbara hear that when she gets here.”

*****

“Hhmmmm.”

Duke, Bruce, and Damian cringed in unison at Barbara’s contemplative noise. The young woman was typing on a laptop plugged into some kind of control panel in Bruce’s office. She hadn’t spoken to them more than first greetings  when she had arrived, so they were left in the dark while she rifled through the Cave’s security system.

Finally, Babs closed the computer and set it to the side. Duke and the others held their collective breath.

“The Cave is registering you as already present inside,” Barbara explained, “Actually, it says that everyone is in the Cave right now.”

Bruce was still and silent, considering Barbara’s words. Damian, on the other hand, seemed to be an inch away from having a meltdown.

“This is preposterous!” He blustered, whipping about and glaring, not having any particular target. “The system is trash, I said we should have fixed it ages ago! And now look at the outcome! I must remain at peak physical capacity, and I am not able to if I miss even a single session! Father, I demand you fix this!”

“Woah, dude, chill,” Duke soothed, resting a hand on Damian’s shoulder. Thankfully, the kid didn’t bite him. “I know you're frustrated, but we work more effectively when calm, right?”

Damian blinked, and glared at Duke for a long moment. “You are not incorrect, Thomas.” Damian finally allowed, turning away.

Barbara smiled. “Well, good news: I can get you in. It’s probably a good idea to call for back-up and wait till you have the forces to-”

“That won’t be necessary,” Bruce interrupted, his eye twitching at the glare Babs threw his way. “We can handle it - right, boys?”

Damian sniffed proudly and produced some knives from who knows where. Duke nodded confidently.

Bruce grunted, and motioned for them to fall in line behind him. Barbara watched with her precise gaze as Bruce, Duke, and Damian made their way down the stairs. They didn’t turn the lights on, going for optimal stealth as were, and moved slowly downward.

“Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious,” Duke sang under his breath a little ways after the halfway point down the stairs.

“Making noise is very suspicious, Thomas.” Damian muttered.

“Quiet, Boys,” Bruce snapped before Duke could make a comeback, “We’re almost there.”

As soon as the doors to the Cave opened, they scattered and melted into the shadows. Duke just managed to see Damian crawl up the side of the cave wall, but didn’t see where Bruce went. He didn’t have much time to worry about that, though, as he was hiding himself among equipment that lined the sides of the space.

The path he had chosen gave him an easy pass to circle the main platform, and gage the situation. And boy was it a situation. Because, you see, like Barbara said, they were not the only ones in the cave. They were just the only sentient ones.

The elevator dinged, and Barbara rolled out and into the light. “Are those Manikins?” She asked, incredulous.

*****

Duke smirked proudly at the sight before him, the same sight that left the others outraged and confused

Someone, somehow (It was Duke, and through much hard labour during some time while the bats were actually asleep - he got someone to cover his patrol, this bright young girl called Maps to do it. She said she was a friend of Damian’s, and quite skilled with a grappling hook. Tim had mentioned her before, so Duke wasn’t surprised.) managed to get dozens of manikins - those hyper mobile ones that you can personalise their positions - and spread them out across the cave.  And not just that, they had managed to stylize them after each member of the family.

The manikins also seemed to be moving around at preset speeds, through some mysterious robotic means (Duke mentally thanked the stars that Bruce didn’t bat an eye at someone purchasing thirty roombas with his credit card.).

The first manikin, the one that caught everyone’s eye, was clearly meant to represent Stephanie. It was doused in complete purple, the exact shade of her suit and automated to throw the glitter bombs stored in a sack by its side at seemingly everything - though apparently mainly at the nearest authority figure.

Said authority figure was obviously Bruce, who was moving slowly in wide arcs around the chaos. It was wearing one of those ghost costumes, (you know the ones with just a sheet and cut out holes? Yeah, that’s Bruce.) except with a black sheet. And two plastic forks taped to either side of the head to imitate Bat ears. Though by this point it was also covered in purple glitter, thanks to Steph.

Somehow, the figure right next to Bruce was completely untouched by the purple sparkles, despite wearing the exact same outfit as Bruce’s manikin, plastic forks and all. (Although to be fair, this one was significantly shorter.) Though this mystery could easily be solved by the fact that it was Cass. Well, that explains pretty much everything, actually.

Nearest to Bruce and his mini-me at that point in the rotation was a toddler sized, bright green manikin that represented none other than the current Robin. And if that weren’t enough, think of Edward Scissor Hands. Now imagine those knives and blades and such taped over the whole body. Now you have an accurate picture of Damian Wayne in Manikin form. Honestly, it wasn’t that far off.

Humans weren’t the only things replaced in the Cave, as just by Damian were little dog, cat, and cow statues. And a giant bat stuffie colored red.

Bruce’s manikin had to stop it’s wide arc and jerk suddenly to the side to avoid the next member of the family. Tim Drake’s stand-in was barely visible underneath the six foot tall pile of bulk coffee bean bags stacked around it.

Right behind Tim was a large manikin painted blood red, wearing a faux pink leather jacket with sparkles and rhinestones glued it. It looked like it was meant for a six year old girl. What didn’t look like it was meant for a child, though, were the strips of ammunition draped across its shoulders like a fancy scarf. The look was completed by a large red bucket dumped haphazardly over the head of the manikin.

To the side of the Cave, just barely out of the war path that was The Red Bucket, was something different. Instead of a manikin like you would find in the clothing store, a halloween decoration was set up. And not just any decoration: A life-sized recreation of Dracula that looked so cheap, it was probably bought at Party City for ten bucks. (Hey, it was on sale! Duke wasn’t one to ignore such a spectacular bargain!). The only thing customized about it was the cheap, long, cherry red wig perched precariously on its head. Hey, everyone always said Kate looked an awful lot like a vampire!

The simplest manikin was somehow one of the most recognizable. Painted plain white, it was mostly unadorned with the exception of “007” painted across the chest in big, black, block letters. Now who could that be? It wasn’t like the Bats casually knew a british spy.

But all of that is fairly sane, compared to the … others.

In one corner of the room, a manikin was on fire. Completely on fire. The blaze was huge. Somehow, the manikin itself wasn’t on fire, though. One got the impression that it was supposed to be reminiscent of the burning bush story, or perhaps a phoenix. Ha, phoenix. Flamebird. Duke hoped he wasn’t the only one who found that funny.

Dick’s was on a complicated zip line pulley type system thingy. It was upside down and twisted into a pretzel for a bit, then it reached a checkpoint and was replaced by a new “Dick” in a different position. It looks like Dick’s doing mid air acrobatics. Oh, and he’s wearing a crop top that said “I’m A Dick.”

There was yet another all-green manikin seated on a hover chair that looked suspiciously like alien tech taken from the Watchtower. There was a face drawn on, and it was emulating the Oracle Symbol.

Hidden amongst the shadows in the corner was another manikin, barely within sight. It was resting luxuriously in a clawfoot bathtub, which was filled with jewels of all kinds. Upon its shoulders were multiple cat stuffed animals.

Everyone was suddenly shaken out of their stunned staring when the Cave’s sound system flared up, blasting dramatic choral music. It was the perfect track for the perfect moment, building up tension to an uproar as the lights dimmed slightly, and all attention was brought on the crackling of lightning arcing across a new figure, who was rounding the bend.

Duke grinned at his crowning achievement, the one that is easily the most terrifying. The one that is undoubtedly the Taser Girl herself: Harper Row.

What made this one different? Well, that’s because Harper was not, in fact, a manikin. Instead, the figure was not unlike a stick figure made completely out of metal pipes. The bottom was attached to an encased roomba which was currently going in wide, swooping arcs. The arms are raised triumphantly overhead. (Duke may or may not have spent three hours in front of the Hellmo meme, making sure that it was perfect). And, of course, it was conducting bright blue crackling electricity. (Duke had gotten the idea from one of those science experiment things that is made of lightning, and will every so often shoot a bolt and light something on fire. Minus the fire part. He didn’t have a death wish .)

It was just then that some lightning arced out and set an extra manikin that had been lying about on fire.

Duke cringed internally, but his mood wasn’t dampened for long. He took one look at the other Bats present, and muffled a snort of amusement. They were positively shocked - even Babs! That in and of itself was an utter victory for Duke. It got even better when they slowly separated and began to wander the Cave in wonder and horror. Duke split off as well, and hid behind the Dinosaur.

He almost tripped, however, on one of the babies. Yeah, Babies. Around the legs of the dinosaur, on their own roombas, were inflatable versions of the giant T-Rex. Somehow (maaaaybe with a touch of fiddling with controls), they were even faster than the moving people. They were zipping around and crashing into each other. When Duke hit one, though, it activated a system he had put in place which suddenly unleashed a gigantic roar throughout the Cave via the soundsystem.

The Dinosaurs weren’t the only extra addition to the native wildlife, though. Bats, hundreds of them, were replaced with stuffed animal versions of themselves, and painstakingly hung from string to the stalactites at the top of the cave, like a giant mobile.

Duke peaked out from the side of the wide space where he had been inspecting his own work to gage the situation with the other members of his family. The shock seemed to have worn off by that point, replaced with mixed reactions. Bruce was growing increasingly frustrated, Babs was trying not to laugh, and Damian was secretly pleased, enjoying the look on his father’s face.

Duke chuckled to himself as he went back to looking around in the nooks and crannies where smaller details - like the glow sticks representing glow worms - are set up. He had to admit, when he had set all of this up in two-days-without-sleep haze, he hadn’t actually been sure if it actually looked good. Two minutes later, and Duke was absolutely sure that this was in the top fifteen best Bat-Pranks, He’d have to petition for it to be added at the next meeting.

A sudden clamor came from the Batcomputer, and Duke grinned before practically skipping over to see what was the matter. This will be fun, he thought.

Upon his arrival, he knew it was true.

“Holy shit!” He crowed joyfully upon catching sight of the one manikin that had been missing earlier: his own.

Duke’s manikin was draped in gold curtains - clearly from the South Wing’s Music Room - to look like a toga, and sitting on a throne. Literally. (Bruce just had one lying about in the Attic) The throne rested on a huge platform covered in jewels (also taken from the treasure chest in the Attic). A light setup in the crannies of the Cave’s ceiling shot out beams of ‘disco’ light. Thin black vales hang from the ceiling to give the ominous feel of shadows. And, in case there was any confusion, a golden plaque rests at the base, and is engraved with the words “The Duke of Gotham. Bow Before Your Ruler.”

It’s beautiful, Duke thought ecstatically, so much better than I could have ever dreamed!

He promptly burst into laughter.

Bruce growled in frustration. “This is not funny, Duke.”

“I dunno, B,” Duke shrugged, “I sure think it is!”

“It is not. This is a defacement of the cave, plain and simple. And a poor use of resources to boot. This space is supposed to be efficient, a place that aids in the mission - and are those my Great Aunt Matilda’s emeralds?”

Duke shrugged again as Bruce was set off onto an even longer rant about wasting everyone’s time and abilities since they were going to have to clean it all up. Duke was mostly tuning Bruce out by that point.

“-if you are being flattered by the prankster, that is a clear sign of them trying to get you on their side.”

Duke froze and did a double take. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I didn’t train you to be so easily manipulated.”

Duke coughed. “Uh, I think you got this mixed up, B. See that? That’s me on the throne. Clearly this whole prank was organized by me.”

Bruce stared at Duke for a solid three seconds. Babs was covering her mouth to avoid a giggling fit, or maybe just out of shock. Damian was frowning at Duke.

Bruce’s right eye twitched. “Duke, no need to be sarcastic.”

Duke opened his mouth to argue some more, to explain just how wrong Bruce was, when said Dark Knight whipped around and stalked towards the elevator. He froze, though, when he stepped in front of Damian.

There wasn’t even a moment's pause before Bruce was glaring down at his youngest son with resigned, tired eyes. “Damian, how many times have I told you that more knives are not better? You gave yourself away.”

Damian screeched in indignation, and raced to follow Bruce out, demanding for Bruce to see reason.

“Father, you are being ridiculous!”

But his cries were quickly silenced by the closing of the elevator doors, leaving just Duke and Barbara in the Bat Cave.

Babs pivoted to look to Duke and shrugged. “Sorry kid, but he’s just stubborn.”

Duke blinked in confusion as she wheeled away. Had she always known? Scratch that - she was Oracle. Of course Barbara knew.

Duke collapsed at the foot of his throne, and put his head in his hands. Next time, he promised himself, no one else is gonna be there. No one else can take the credit.

*****

“He’s really trying, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“Well, this will be fun to watch.”

“Yes.”

“Should we just tell Bruce and be over with it?”

“…”

“Yes, you’re right Cass. We wait and watch.”

[zukkacore]

Please don't feel bad for putting all your thoughts here!!!! honestly i 100% cosign and agree and i would much rather just Have the Discussion than feel the need to be coy abt it in the tags anyway. Anyway fuck my old restraint to just talk abt dnd overall im gonna go full blorbo-pilled this is about my favorite sopping wet beast. I feel like there's a general posture when i try to tackle the Jace Conundrum with any reading besides the one intended by the text that I'm inherently being defensive abt him, which i guess I am? But also, y'all don't understand. If the text is telling me to point and laugh at jace for being stupid, don't worry. I do. Readily < 3 (seriously, what's the point in having a blorbo if you can't laugh at his expense a little)

That being said, I don't LOVE ascribing intent to bleem when i cannot know what is in his heart, but I just feel like im chewing on drywall bc i feel like im pointing out the watsonian and the doylist reading of the text are just coming across completely differently when it comes to jace and whenever i express that its like. Oh no you're overthinking it. It seems pretty clear (in my opinion!!!!) that the text is trying to ascribe a "jace is privileged, jace has always had an easy life, the second he came up against one smidgen of resistance he caved b/c everything has always been tee'd up for him b/c of inherent magic, and now he is teaching that elitism and complacency to his students. And also he's kinda just dense and stupid and incurious" perspective on him and why we should not therefore feel sorry for him, which i think is a partial truth (& it is probably not a coincidence that his design is that of a white blonde man etc etc) but clashes with all these like other details in the show that are being taken pretty seriously. That seems like the obvious reading for how we are Meant to absorb his storyline. Plus the fact that he's a minor character so truly it is ultimately Not That Serious. I just think that that takeaway is so hard for me to earnestly buy as thematically coherent when we're seeing all the systemic schooling components that are making the bad kids lives miserable. Gorgug's terrible awful very bad no good year trying to get the MCAT thing sorted (multiclass commonality). Adaine having financial barriers to succeeding in class (barriers to succeeding in wizardry. Another commonality). Kristen being disadvantaged bc she has to make her own meaning and likes the idea of self determining but has this very disorganized way of thinking that makes sense in her head but is hard to communicate & is not accommodated for w/in the school system (the i have a hard time applying myself but the Girls Who Get It Get it vibe. Another commonality). Fig being naturally good at many different hats but also not being a traditional studious person & straight up deciding school is not for her! "I can't, I tried" holds hands with all their struggles!

Plus i meant what i said the other day when it was like. I just don't understand how anyone can take his "we just sit around and talk abt how great having innate magic is" comment at face value when the sorcery class would realistically be dealing with so much inherent volatility. I can buy that Jace's life has always been easy. I do not buy that he could coast by on doing nothing in that class, just knowing how sorcery actually works in dnd vs. the tone the text is trying to convey. The internal logic just does not make sense in my brain that he's telling the truth. Not every sorcerer is Penelope Everpetal. Some of them are Pete Conlan. It's not the doylist intention—again, i cannot say w/ 100% certainty but i will guess with probably too much unearned confidence that the statement is meant to be taken at face value (kinda absurd anyway considering he's lying the whole season abt what his other responsibilities are anyway which makes everything he says kinda suspect but anyway)—but if we remove intentionality from the analysis, it reads way more like something he is saying to be cavalier or nonchalant. (Friendly unassuming jace is a facade truthers literally rise up)

Nevermind the fact that I think "sit around all day and talk about how great having innate magic is" is not nearly as clear cut a "wow this guy sucks at what he does" statement as the paralanguage is trying to convey. Like we both agree sorcery is about self confidence, self control, etc. I made the theater teacher comparison for a reason. Some kids cannot be taught acting technique because the entire period is spent just getting them comfortable being on stage. And the risks of it being with kids with innate magic is like. Infinitely higher! Especially when they're coming into this school potentially viewing their magic as a burden or a danger. i also see this discussion with like. librarians and just getting kids to Start Reading. Like you have to meet them where they're at. You can't throw shakespeare at a kid who hates reading, if you want them to approach the subject with any kind of excitement, and you DON'T shame or tease them when pick up graphic novels bc that could be the bridge for their momentum. And i LOVE analysis, I'm such a turbo nerd and art rules are made up but at the same time learning about forms helps artists better articulate their aims! If i could throw every fourteen year old into reading shakespeare with excitement by analyzing the form, i would. But like. that's not how it works. And that's not a pure absolving of his teaching style. This is why my "he's great with the freshman, and terrible with the seniors" joke is a joke, but it feels true in spirit, to me anyway. Like, once these kids know what they're doing, they need a little more, and imo due to the limitations of his perspective, Jace cannot provide that. The girls who get it, get it. Schrodinger's good/bad teacher jace thesis is my truth. But this is not me saying my interpretation is fact or the only way to read that line, this is me asserting that the paralanguage is aiming to convey one reading (jace is a bad teacher), but i think the word choice leaves a lot more room for varied interpretation.

Btw i 100% agree that with the impracticality of the wizard multi-class, it feels like there could be an emotional reason for him wanting to multi-class. That feels like a logical conclusion. I think Jace tends to be written off as incurious, which i think is mostly true but literally "i can't i tried" indicates that was not a lifelong trait, at least to me. I think it's interesting when i talk to jace agnostics (aka my beloved friends irl who endure my bullshit) and to cite someone specifically (sorry if im throwing u under the bus), a friend said that they basically chalked the reasoning up to arrogance. Which i guess coheres with what the intended takeaway is meant to be for Jace. basically "i'm already good at everything i do and born naturally gifted so why not do this other thing just to prove i can" which. Makes sense. And I love when jace sucks so I'm not even opposed to it. But I do think ascribing arrogance to his character based on the handful of things he's said is like... It's definitely there, but we also see so little of him that even arrogance doesn't feel like a completely definitive character trait? Like. I think the reason arrogance gets ascribed to him is bc of the "how great innate magic is" comment and the calling wizards stinky thing. It's all we have to go on but it's also so sparse. And again, i'm doing a cringefail apologetic restorative reading of everything he says bc i like him, but i don't think those two interactions are enough to fully condemn him for arrogance. Maybe that's just me. I do think its interesting to see people's gut reactions to the "i cant, I tried" joke. Bc my friend was basically like "oh yeah that's just a natural extension of him being a conceited asshole who thinks he can do everything but has never had to work for it". Honestly, fair. Meanwhile maybe bc i was already biased i was like wow. Deeply pitiable. Deeply Baffling. Understandably played for humor, but feels like such an off the cuff joke that has implications that are NOT grappled with. And I just think we're primed to take Adaine's side in that interaction b/c obviously she's a protagonist, even tho saying "you could take a level of wizardry" to a sorcerer is kinda baffling! Little does bleem know how sick in the head that one line made me. I genuinely was such a jace agnostic before this.

I think i'm just a little too close to this issue to be fair abt it tho. As someone who DESPISES incuriosity, I get the whole Wizard understanding the fundamentals of the universe thing. As someone who is a very pedantic and obsessed with precision of lanugage and goes on these like weird riz spirals abt everything, I do not personally relate to the Girls Who Get it Get it thing (i do have problems with overexplaining but again that's bc im anxious about my precision of language) but my best friend is someone who struggles with brain fog in a way that they often feel very frustrated by their limitations with communication and are just like "why can't i just gesture wildly. You get it. you get it. right", maybe i just feel for him more than average. ALSO not to be cringefail but yeah, I got told i was bright as a kid then bombed my sophmore year of high school honors b/c i wasn't used to working for things. What about it.

Hi do you. By any chance want to expand on both 1) Sorcerer Wizard and the dichotomy and 2) Sorcerer trans thoughts??? Bc BOY I would LOVEEEEE to hear them if you’re willing to!!!

Hiiiii beloved old man yaoi mutual anyway sorry this took a hot sec bc I do have more thoughts on this but tragically they’re kinda formless and incoherent. Prepare for the unorganized paragraph monster. Anyway I’m like pretty bad at understand dnd as a system but I have seen other ppl who are actually better versed than me express like. A sorcerer / wizard multi class is pretty counterintuitive. And like, if that’s part of the character arc that’s fine, obviously with Gorgug it was an intentional character choice and they made a profound point of of him doing unexpected and not typically “optimal” just bc he liked it & bc of that he has a perspective on rage AND artificing different from everyone else. Idk if im over explaining the obvious with the like, oh wizardry is abt understanding the fundamentals and components of the arcane it’s abt studying the world whereas sorcery is abt control and understanding of the self etc etc. like described as the ability to “project one’s will” into the world and the meta magic mechanic is a way to actualize like. Being able to literally change the rules of magic (honestly very interesting and cool imo).

Like, I don’t think they HAVE to be opposed in terms of what they’re doing, if you think abt it like. Art rules ya know? Like you gotta learn the fundamentals and the rules before you can break them. So I could see that being a reason to study wizardry. And if your character just has a natural curiosity than sure. But also, I GET the reason why it’s an impractical build and a weird choice for a character beat bc the drawbacks of losing high level sorcery aren’t really compensated for in getting some wizard levels. Esp bc they’re different casting modifiers or whatever, int vs charisma. Like you have to have a high modifier in both to even make it worth it. AND on a character beat level, not to make this JUST abt our favorite sopping wet cat Jace stardiamond but like. Wouldn’t it be kinda counterintuitive to learn all these rules and fundamentals of magic and everything in those classes is saying THIS is how it works meanwhile there is something inherent in you that could change that? And I was like oh haha trans bc it’s abt saying like oh something essential is actually less rigid than you think + projecting your will is in my mind kinda like the ability to self-determine?

At the same time the counterpoint to this is that sorcery is about inherent magic so that IS like oh this is essential to your person. At the same time I feel like the distaste toward sorcerery bc it’s inherent or essential is kinda unfair bc like? Yeah divine right is not real, someone being inherently divinely powerful is not a thing in real life but also how different is that from the divine right of being a chosen one for a deity (like. Not to go toooo into fantasy high but Kristen IS a chosen one). So I get the counterpoint that sorcerery is bad and essentialist but eh? Like take it for what it represents on a thematic level, don’t take it so literally.

Not to backtrack but I don’t think self knowledge vs worldly knowledge HAVE to be fundamentally opposed, but I do think one class transitioning into the others would be really difficult bc it’s someone learning a system and realizing actually it’s bullshit and broken & malleable vs. someone who intuitively GETS that rules are kinda just made up and the education system is saying no this is truth. Despite everything about you being a contradiction to that. Like, I feel like a sorcerer is coming into low level wizardry learning “you can’t do 1 - 2” and intuitively they go but you can? But at that level it’s like no, you’re not ready to teach someone just being introduced to those concepts abt negative numbers abt imaginary numbers etc etc etc. (similar w biology. Like yeah we all took 7th grade bio where we learned there are 2 sexes. But actually the human body a lot more varied & complicated than that. These are rigid categories we made up to “better” understand things or articulate a certain idea but they also cause systemic harm) Also. There are some particles that behave differently when observed. I respect the wizard’s quest for knowledge as someone who is a turbo nerd. I respect it so hard. But also. I get why riz spirals abt it. It’s hard to be bleem coded and love complete taxonomies when you know the world is a lot more complicated than that. I get why a sorcerer wouldn’t be able to hack it. Again not to make this abt blorbo from our shows but the failed to wizard multiclass thing opened SUCH a can of words in my brain…..

[theairgunsmmwk586-blog]

Why You Should Spend More Time Thinking About Airgun Depot: Air Guns

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Listed below are 8 indicators that you probably have drywood termite infestation.

1. Exit or "Kick Out" Pinholes: The holes will often be tough to spot given that they are modest -- about the sizing of tiny nail hole that you choose to'd cling a portray.

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four. Blistered Wood: Drywood termites will generally "hollow out" a bit of wood leaving just a slim veneer of unstable Wooden or area paint that will take with a blistered visual appeal.

five. Swarming Bugs All around Lights: Drywood Termites which are Prepared to breed might be drawn to gentle.

6. Human body Shape: Drywood termites are brown, about a one/two-inch extended, with TWO system segments and 4 equal sized "glassy" wings that happen to be about 2 times so long as their body. They also have straight antennae, (carpenter ants However are about an inch extended with 3 overall body components and elbowed antennae).

7. Broken Wooden: At times the homeowner is alerted to problems by simply identifying pocked, "tunneled" and harmed Wooden in or across the property.

8. Cream Colored Worms: For those who tear into some broken wood you may uncover product coloured, 6-legged "worms". These are definitely the drywood termites prior to they are All set for copy (only when they're prepared to mate will they develop wings).

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You Don't Know Ways to Glance!

This is when most of the people are understandably clueless. five

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This is the applications You will need:

one. A large screwdriver...

two. A very good vibrant flashlight... six

3. A bit of chalk...

four. Elbow and knee pads.

Which is it -- not a great deal of tools, (Whilst you may want to take into consideration a tough hat too).

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Inside:

When you walk into your entrance doorway, start out your inspection about the wall for your suitable -- then go on to work your way within the home (and within the dwelling) towards your ideal.

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These doorways have actually two functions.

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Initially let us look at the unpleasant toilet habits on the drywood termite.

Because the drywood termites chew up the Wooden in your home, they create an infinite degree of squander product or service...

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Warning...

This Is Not Espresso!

No... It truly is unquestionably not for brewing.

That is termite fecal matter. And it may possibly come in any amount of colours depending on the style of wood They are feeding on.

Which brings me to another point.

It's usually much easier to spot the "piles" in comparison to the pinholes. Seem Primarily around baseboards, window sills, ledges, and cupboard shelving.

If you DO locate a pile, you are quite close to the pinhole. Look up and around to discover it.

It is important because...

Just Powering That Pinhole Is Your Enemy... The Termite Colony!

If you discover the pinhole, mark it with all your chalk so an experienced termite killer (like me) can Identify it again easily.

Alright, as I discussed the next type of pinhole is from drywood termites who've attained reproductive age and also have dropped (or "swarmed") so that you can discover a mate.

Think about it such as the chute doorway for paratroopers. Termites which have been ready to mate will chew holes as a result of your drywall, ground boards, partitions and ceilings.

They will then fall (at times by the hundreds) straight all the way down to the bottom (they do not fly very perfectly)... wherever they look for a mate, discard their wings, and crawl off to develop their very own like nest, (to allow them to get started their unique colony).

Ok... if this occurred as part of your lounge As you were observing TV...

You would Possibly Assume You Ended up Starring Within an Alfred Hitchcock Movie!

You would know quite rapid you have a termite dilemma.

But more often than not this "swarming" takes location in the attic or within the crawl Area underneath your own home... where you By no means see it.

Which explains why you'll be wanting to try and do what I do -- check below your property and with your attic. So When you've completed an intensive inspection of the interior of your property, it is time to Participate in "gofer" and dig around below your house.

CRAWL Areas:

If your own home has a parameter Basis, (most household in Florida do) you should have a small House amongst your flooring boards and the ground you need to check this Area.

(If your property sits straight on a slab Basis you will certainly not Have a very crawl Place less than your home.)

Ok... this can be downright soiled function, but in case you are genuinely intent on doing your have complete termite inspection You'll have to choose this step.

Have your chalk, a BIG screwdriver, and a superb flashlight All set. Oh yeah, and...

Use A Tuxedo Also!

Just kidding. Put on some aged clothes that you don't brain messing up or improved however, a zip up "mechanics" accommodate that you could later on just throw during the wash.

Hunt for a vent opening in the perimeter Basis (code requires you have at the very least a number of). Use it to crawl beneath your house.

Just like if you inspected the interior of your house, when beneath the home you'll be wanting to continually transfer in your correct to make sure you Really don't pass up something. Ok... let me pause right here for a instant and take a look at protection.

Crawl Areas can be perilous locations.

Be sure to... for your very own great... keep on the watch for sharp nails, shards of metallic and Wooden, useless animals, damaged glass, fuel and drinking water pipes, uncovered electrical wires and naturally...

Poisonous Spiders And Snakes!

No joke.

And don't forget to tell an individual that you are going to be beneath the home. It is simple to obtain wedged or trapped there... and that is a single heck of position to spend the night.

Believe me, immediately after forty two many years On this biz, I've noticed everything.

Let us proceed.

Work your way alongside the perimeter checking the best from the soil for your typical "sawdust" piles.

Because mating termites are drawn to light-weight, also carefully Test the region exactly where the concrete Basis fulfills the picket assistance beams of your respective ground as it's widespread to own cracks of daylight peeking by means of.

That hole of sunshine concerning your foundation and flooring is actually a...

Excellent Location For Mating Termites To Romance! Everything you'll search for is not just the piles of pellets together the ledge, but also discarded wings.

(That's also why your interior inspection should incorporate examining for wings about all Home windows, lamps and inside ceiling lights.)

Just like the paratrooper who not wants his parachute as soon as he hits the bottom, the termites will get rid of their wings.

Make Observe in which you've spotted any wings since the termites Really don't go much too much after discarding them. Normally the colony is inside 5 to eight ft.

Like I mentioned, they don't fly really well and seemingly, Despite 6 legs...

They Just Do not like Walking Both!

Alright, as you endure this inspection procedure, I would like you to Understand that my corporation -- Chet's Termite and Pest Administration -- will conduct this complete inspection for you Totally free.

And due to the fact A lot of people are skeptical (that's a good matter), every inspector, (which include me), carries close to a useful pocket-sized "flip video clip" recorder.

This enables us to shoot precise online video of any indications of wings, pellets, and ruined Wooden so we can "play back again" The difficulty places to you...

Without having You At any time Staying Compelled Into Grubby Crawl Areas To Double-Look at Our Results!

In order to put on that tuxedo through your home inspection In the end. It can be just yet another way that I'm seeking out for yourself.

Okay... let us go on on with all your inspection.

THE ATTIC:

A further location you need to look into... may be the attic.

This is very important because a lot of time termites will originally enter your home via attic vents.

Once again, have your flashlight, screwdriver and chalk useful.

Before getting into the attic (normally as a result of an accessibility doorway over the ceiling) you will likely wish to lay down some substantial sheets of paper to safeguard your carpet from slipping insulation.

That's what we do at Chet's Termite & Pest Administration.

We also cover our sneakers with protective "booties"... carry hand cleaner and paper towels to keep anything spotless... and use Unusual terms like "remember to" and "thank you"...

All Of That are Nearly Unheard Of With this Business!

Yeah, it's real... many of the other termite control firms would employ chimpanzees if they might get absent with it. Not me. That is what will make Chet's Termite & Pest Administration different.

Alright, once you're in the attic, you can once again want to operate to your correct... and cover your complete perimeter with the attic.

Search for the common signs of pellets sitting down ontop the insulation. If you find them search for and all-around for the pinholes.

When you discover a pinhole, use your screwdriver to faucet-faucet-faucet to see In case the wood is hollowed-out.

Which provides me to another important place. Through the Total inspection you should keep the eyes open for "blistering" Wooden or paint.

Termites are crafty little buggers. They are going to gobble up the interior of a piece of wood however leave a skinny outside the house layer of Wooden (or paint) untouched.

Persistently the only indicator that something is Erroneous is...

An Odd-Searching Rippling Or Bubbling Through the Area!

As I've recommended, that's in which the screwdriver comes in. Utilize it to poke across the region.

If your wood area collapses and "pellets" come pouring out similar to a broken gumball equipment... properly... which is common termite injury.

You need to handle it immediately ahead of it gets any worse. Mark the world Obviously with chalk... and connect with me.

Though inspecting the attic, work your way along the ceiling boards to the incredibly edge -- exactly where the tresses meet the partitions.

The most important spot to inspect is close to any contemporary air vents. These are intended to permit sizzling air to flee your attic, but It is also an excellent place for drywood termites to enter your own home.

Once more, all-around these vents You are looking for piles of pellets, discarded glassy wings and one other 8 signs of termite infestation I stated before.

You have to hold basic safety in mind.

Very first, the warmth within an attic is often incredible. If It can be during the 90's exterior, it's possibly near 140-levels as part of your attic.

Which suggests certainly, Except if you happen to be an armadillo, you will need to...

Watch out for Heat Exhaustion!

So ensure that you hydrate yourself with a lot of h2o and Gatorade.

An additional thing, crawling along the edge of a 2x4 is tough about the knees. Which explains why I proposed you may have knee pads.

And if you transpire to "slip" off the beam, you will incredibly possible finish up crashing via your ceiling.

Ideally you may land with your couch. Or at the very least around a cellular phone in which you can dial 911. fifteen

Not to mention, as often, you'll want to be pretty mindful of poisonous spiders, nails, and uncovered electrical wires.

Persistently -- specifically in more mature residences -- you can find been electrical upgrading that is remaining the "old" wiring system exposed.

Issue is...

You might be Never ever Quite Sure If Any Of It Continues to be "Dwell"!

It is a stunning difficulty.

So always believe that any free and bare wires have electrical energy flowing. This way you might be under no circumstances surprised.

As I have described, it is important that you simply Look at all the perimeter of your attic House. Also, inspect the roof rafters.

Lastly, Here is an enormous tip -- and It truly is where...

A Spider Can Actually Be Your Best Friend!

Ahead of wiping absent any cobwebs, cautiously Look at them for discarded wings and dead termites. It is a swift and easy strategy for spotting them and could save you a large number of time and trouble.

THE EXTERIOR:

The ultimate space that you'll be wanting to check is the outside of your private home. Just like the other spots, you'll want to methodically work your way around the dwelling for your appropriate to make sure you don't skip anything.

Have a pole which is very long more than enough to get to the overhanging rafters and fascia board. This essentially replaces the functionality of one's screwdriver...

To "Faucet-Faucet-Tap" On Suspected Pinhole Regions Or Destroyed Wooden Out Of the Achieve!

Make use of a ladder if You will need to.

Examine up and down, within the vent holes and major of the muse up to your roof rafters. You'll be wanting to emphasis intensely on the outside edges close to Home windows and doorways and the attic vents.

Pull back any brush or shrubs that have developed up towards your house so you can have an excellent evaluate what's going on driving the scenes.

Try to find the 8 signs of termite infestation that I initially shown... wings, pellets, and blistered wood to name a number of of the obvious.

Use a few of the tricks, like looking at cobwebs for wings and examining any ledges for pellets.

A different important factor that is usually disregarded, (even by authorities who must know greater), are trees, fencing, outdated stumps and any sheds or scrap Wooden close to the household.

Several time a quick investigation of those areas reveals infestation that -- if still left unchecked -- would just result in your home currently being... Infested Once again... Shortly Immediately after Any Treatment Is Done!

Alright, I hope this crash program in termite hunting has served.

Another thing to remember is usually that I prepare ANY new technician I use for 3 comprehensive months before trusting them to identify termites.

My place is usually that, unless you have been Doing work at it for a few months, you are still a Uncooked rookie which has a woefully untrained eye.

This report will help you know what to search for. I recognize that lots of people would prefer to get it done by themselves than believe in a specialist.

That is good.

But should you be just not thinking about dealing with the many hassles of doing all your have inspection, take into account that Chet's Termite and Pest Management...

Gives This Termite Inspection For FREE!

Why not connect with now? The inspection is absolutely free, and any operate we conduct carries a 100% a refund warranty.

To

[healthnotion]

A Beginner’s Guide to the Underappreciated Pencil

Editor’s note: This is a guest article from TJ Cosgrove.

For most people, the humble pencil is a writing utensil that was once familiar, but is now largely absent from their everyday life.

When you were a kid, you used a #2 pencil to fill out the answer sheet bubbles on standardized tests. Maybe you kept using the mechanical kind to do math in college. But as an adult, unless you’re a craftsman making marks on lumber or drywall, you may not use pencils at all, having dropped them in favor of pens.  

I don’t entirely blame you. A yellow Ticonderoga or a plastic mechanical pencil offered very little in terms of real pleasure. With a scratchy tip, or lead that constantly snapped off, pens seemed to offer a superior, smoother, more indelible writing experience.

But there’s more to pencils than the kind you used as a kid. Upgrades in the pencil’s core, and in the wood which surrounds it, can make a big difference in how satisfying it is to write with. So if you don’t think pencils are for you, but have never used anything but the drugstore variety, you just may not have tried the right one yet.

Today I’ll unpack the surprisingly nuanced world of these underappreciated writing utensils, explaining their various features/qualities and offering some suggestions for branching out from the kind you grew up with.

Why Use a Pencil?

When you try out writing with a nicer pencil, you’ll likely be quite surprised by how differently — and more winningly — it writes than you’re expecting.

A quality pencil, in fact, can provide a tactile writing experience that not only rivals that of a pen, but in many cases surpasses it. There’s just something that feels very connected when laying down brainwaves in streaks of carbon on wafers of cellulose.

While the friction of a quality pencil on paper is much smoother than you might imagine, there’s also something about the way it leaves its essence behind — becoming smaller as you use it, extinguishing itself as it brings your words and scribbles to life. There’s something too about a pencil’s natural construction — a wood case surrounding a core of graphite and clay — and about the fact you have to continually sharpen it to keep it keen; this repeated whittling-in-miniature, complete with little curls of wood or bits of sawdust, offers a tangible pleasure . . . and an apt metaphor for life.

Beyond the more ineffable pleasures of the pencil, are its eminently utilitarian qualities. Unassumingly simple, pencils are steadfast and dependable tools: there’s no battery to charge or signal to lose; there’s no ink that can leak or unexpectedly run out. Pencils work in any language, on almost every medium, and in wind, under water (at least if you have the right writing surface!), or in zero gravity. And of course with its double-sided design — a point on one end and an eraser on the other — they can be used for both creation, and destruction.

Both functional and aesthetically pleasing, once you start incorporating quality pencils into your life, you may find it’s your pens that increasingly get left in the desk drawer.

The Qualities of a Pencil

Grade

It is a common myth that the core of pencils used to be made from lead. The misnomer can be traced to the 17th century, when a particularly violent storm felled a large tree in England and its roots unearthed a dark metallic substance — raw graphite. Farmers started using it to mark their sheep, christening it “plumbago” or “black lead.” The name, catchy though erroneous, stuck. (Interestingly though, in years gone by it was not impossible to get lead poisoning from chewing your pencil, as they were often lacquered with lead-based paint.)

The core of a pencil has actually long been made of a combination of clay and graphite, and the ratio of these two components gives the pencil its “grade.”

Pencils are categorized primarily through this grading, which is measured by two major scales: the European HB scale and the American # number scale.

The European system was originally created in 1789 by Bohemian pencil titan Josef Hardtmuth and measures Hardness against Blackness. HB is the center of the scale: equal parts Hardness (clay) and Blackness (graphite).

The HB grading scale. Image Source

As we move up or down the scale, additional clay makes the pencils physically harder and their marks lighter, while additional graphite makes the pencil softer and much darker on the page.

The American system (coined by 18th century French inventor Nicolas-Jacques Conte) uses numbers, often paired with a pound sign. #2 is the middle grading and the closest approximate to HB. #1 has more clay, and is consequently harder and lighter, while a #3 has more graphite and is darker and softer.

The biggest problem with grading is that users, manufacturers, and even countries do not agree on any kind of standardized grading system. An HB in England is not necessarily the same as an HB in Germany. Don’t even try to use an HB if your teacher asks you to use a #2.

Most readers will have an idea of what a #2/HB pencil feels like. It’s the standard and most common grade. You probably used them to fill in tests or scribble stick people in the margins of your school books. If you’ve ever been to IKEA, you have seen a half pint HB.

As it goes, American and Japanese pencils tend to err on the darker side, while German and other European pencils tend to sit a little lighter on the grading scale. There are of course some exceptions to the rule and a few total outliers who refuse to use a scale at all (looking at you Blackwing . . .).

The most important thing when picking a pencil grade is to ensure it works for you. Too hard and it will feel like writing with a fork tang, too soft and you won’t get half a sentence before you need to sharpen again.

If in doubt, I suggest you go softer and darker. It’s easier on the hand and has better legibility. Try a 2B against your normal #2 and tell me it ain’t nicer to write with.

Lacquer

The lacquer on a pencil is the protective covering for the wood. It stops the wooden barrel from becoming stained with the daily wear and tear of desktop life. It also provides a smooth and consistent texture for the hand to grip.

If I ask you to close your eyes and imagine a pencil, almost everyone will think of a yellow pencil. That’s because it’s the most commonly used color of lacquer, but this was not always true. Until the 1890s, pencils were typically clear lacquered or unfinished, as this allowed consumers to see the high-quality wood that went in to their high-quality writing implement. Poor quality wood was often hidden behind dark maroon, black, or green lacquers.

After the discovery of a new vein of high-quality graphite in Siberia, close to the Chinese border, H&C Hardtmuth started manufacturing pencils from this new source. To promote their new luxury line of “Koh I Noor” pencils, which utilized this superior “oriental” graphite, they chose to lacquer the pencils yellow. The color yellow, while commonplace now, had connotations of superlative quality and royalty associated with the Chinese Yellow Emperor.

The marketing campaign worked, the Koh I Noor pencils sold so well they renamed the company Koh I Noor Hardtmuth (still going today in the Czech Republic), and yellow became the de facto color for woodcase pencils both in the US and most of Europe.

Selecting a pencil with a quality finish is important, as cheap lacquer (which is found on cheap pencils) is unpleasant to the touch and can chip or flake off. Or you may find that you prefer an unlacquered pencil; it does get dirty quickly, but that may be an acceptable trade-off for enjoying the raw wood feel.

Point Retention

Point retention is a measure of how long your pencil comfortably writes before becoming dull, unwieldy, and unpleasant. There is a direct correlation between the grade of pencil you choose and the length of time your point will be viable. Softer pencil tips will round off and widen much faster than their harder brethren.

Point retention is important if you are a long form writer, and don’t want your sessions constantly interrupted by trips to the trash can.

Either choose a harder grade, or take the Steinbeck approach:

Sharpen 24 identical black pencils and place them point up in one of two identical wooden boxes. Then pick up the first pencil and begin writing. When the point dulls (typically after four or five lines) place it in the second box, point down. Continue until all the pencils have been used and migrated to the second box.

Sharpen all pencils again, return to the first box, and repeat as necessary.

Some people can and will write with a nubbin of graphite that is about as sharp as an eggplant. My fiancée, for example, will actively snap a freshly sharpened point in half, then scribble it to get a rounded and inoffensive stylus with which to write. Personally, I prefer something with a little more acuteness in the angularity.

Smudge

Smudge is caused when excess graphite not embedded into the cellulose fibers of the paper is brushed and smeared across it. While actually a feature of pencils when utilized for artistic pursuits, it is unsightly, annoying, and generally frowned upon by writers.

This issue is especially salient for lefties, as the normal hand posture adopted when writing left handed will inevitably lead to significant smudging, leaving a shiny graphite tattoo on the leading edge of their little finger and palm. Best advice: use a harder grade with less graphite or learn to embrace the sheen.

Erasability

Erasability refers to how well a pencil’s mark may be eradicated by way of an eraser (or rubber as we call them here in the UK). The importance of erasability is influenced by the way you write. If you are a perfectionist, then the ability to erase and remark paper is fundamentally important; you can hide your mistakes with the revisionist touch of an eraser. If, like me, you like to show your work, then erasers are an oft-ignored part of your stationery kit. I tend to put a line through errors and carry on, with my mistakes sometimes providing more illumination in retrospect than the answers I eventually came to.

If erasability is important to you, then use a lighter pencil. More clay and less graphite mean a lighter mark which is easier to erase.

Or play with the eraser you use. As with many things, everyone has an opinion on what is best when it comes to rubbers. Cheap erasers tend to produce a fine sprinkling of rubber “dust.” Higher quality ones, at least in my experience, create “curls.” Generally, a separate, off-the-pencil eraser is better quality, and provides a larger surface area; high quality Japanese ones, which are formulated to remove lots of graphite and leave clean pages, come well-recommended. Pencil-top erasers are really put there as an emergency measure, as anyone can attest to when they are almost entirely eroded in rubbing away one mistaken sentence.

If you find yourself in a real emergency, and have no eraser left atop your pencil at all, know that in days of yore, people used a rolled-up piece of bread to clean up their mistakes — which still works in a pinch!

Sharpening Your Pencil

Sharpening can be done in all manner of ways, ranging from rotary desk mounted contraptions to the humble pocket knife.

The more “automated” your sharpener, the less control you have over the shape/size of the resulting point. An electric or hand-crank model will tend to produce a generally inoffensive and practical point, but far better results can be achieved with a hand sharpener or knife.

There are a number of excellent hand sharpeners at a variety of price points. German company KUM makes some excellent higher end ones, including the flagship KUM Masterpiece, which can create long points to rival even the steadiest knife sharpen. Cheap sharpeners can be just fine, and the Indian Apsara long point is a favorite of mine that costs literal pennies and can be bought in bulk directly from India.

If the sharpener leaves a rough finish on the pencil, or the wooden curls are short and flaky, its blade might be blunt. Generally, sharpeners are cheap enough that once this happens, it’s time to move on and replace it.

Sharpening a pencil by hand with a knife will give you the most control of your point, but as this is a personal and nuanced subject, we’ll cover it in a separate piece.

Suggestions for Branching Out From Your Everyday Pencil

If you’ve only ever used the basic pencils of your schooldays, you really owe it to yourself to branch out and explore other kinds. While quality pencils are a little more expensive than the everyday variety, the upgraded price creates a significantly upgraded writing experience.

As with many things, your mileage may vary and personal preference has an enormous impact on what you will ultimately use and enjoy. I thus recommend trying everything and anything you can get your hands on — only then will you know what best suits you. Below you’ll find some of my suggestions, based on where in the world you live.

If you are based in the continental United States, it’s easy and affordable to start experimenting with pencils beyond your normal scope of recognition. There is a whole suite of American companies turning out great writing implements including General Pencil Co, Musgrave, and Palomino.

Most Americans will be familiar with the yellow Dixon Ticonderoga #2, but give the Black Ticonderoga a go for the simple pleasure of mixing up your lacquer colors. For a real step up in quality (without a big jump in price), try the Golden Bear by Palomino; they’re still cheap ($2.95 for 12) but infinitely better.

For a natural unlacquered pencil, try the General’s Cedar Pointe.

If you want to get fancy, then get a pack of Palomino Blackwing 602s; encased in fragrant cedar, with a distinct and enjoyable dark core that lives up to its “Half the pressure, twice the speed” tagline, this is often the “gateway” pencil that changes people’s minds about pencils.

If you’re in Europe, there are plenty of local stationery giants like Staedtler, Koh I Noor, and Faber Castell to peruse.

Most will be familiar with the distinctive yellow and black striped Staedtler Noris HB (the Ticonderoga of Europe) but have a go at the blue and black Staedtler Mars Lumograph in 2B.

For something historic, give the original yellow pencil a go: the Koh I Noor 1500 is available in 20 different grades and remains mostly unchanged since it was introduced 120 years ago.

For something a little different, try the Caran d’Ache Bicolour, a double-ended red and blue pencil often used for marking or amending documents.

Asia is not without its own cabal of manufacturers and brands. Japanese pencils, inspired by the calligraphic nature of kanji, are typically dark and smooth. Tombow and Mitsubishi make some wonderful pencils like the Tombow Mono 100 or Mitsubishi Uni-Star.

Once you start trying different pencils, you may fall down a rabbit hole with them, and really start collecting them in earnest. Happily, pencils are such a constant across the world, that you can go to almost any country and find a shop stocking notebooks and pencils to add to your collection. In the Czech Republic, I trekked from street to street, collecting every kind of Koh I Noor pencil I could find (there is even a pencil shop in Prague Zoo). In China, I haggled for handfuls of Chinese pencils with a market vendor in Xi’an. There has not been a city yet that I haven’t been able to satisfy my pencil cravings in, and finding them always leads me on a new adventure.

But if you’ve rarely picked up a pencil since childhood, you don’t have to travel the globe to experiment; just try branching out a little where you are, and you may find your new favorite tool for conveying your thoughts from cerebrum to cellulose.

___________________________________________________

TJ Cosgrove is a pencil pushing filmmaker. He runs Wood & Graphite the #2 pencil-based video channel on the internet. He also talks about the past and the present in an anachronistic podcast called 1857. He likes hard science fiction novels, pencils and American beer, though not necessarily in that order.

The post A Beginner’s Guide to the Underappreciated Pencil appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

A Beginner’s Guide to the Underappreciated Pencil published first on https://mensproblem.tumblr.com

[billydmacklin]

So I Re-Did the Back of the House (Again).

Here is a shocking bit of information that you have likely already deduced if you have read this blog for any amount of time: I’ve been chasing my tail a bit with my own house renovation. I’m not proud. A couple of years ago, I bit off more than I could chew. I should have known better. I did it anyway. Unsurprisingly, it bit me in the ass.

Let’s talk about it.

I bought a house with an old and truly yucky kitchen. The kitchen was the very first thing I tackled, and ya know? That was a good renovation. The improvements were inexpensive but impactful (new paint, a little subway tile, and VCT floors for the win!), and the kitchen worked fairly well.

It wasn’t the dream kitchen but it was a fine, serviceable space, and one that could have easily lasted several more years. The kitchen took kind of a beating as other renovations unfolded throughout the house, but I’d renovated it with that in mind! It would all get torn out someday but, I figured, when everything else had been done, by which time this kitchen would certainly be falling apart.

Fast forward less than two years, and I found myself single. One night, I also found myself a little drunk (related: pls excuse the quality of these photos). With the contents of my kitchen cabinets now significantly slimmed down as a result of the break-up, I was suddenly overcome with the urge to slim down the cabinets themselves. I didn’t NEED all these cabinets! And if I just took down the upper cabinets, then I could also just rip out the enormous soffits above them, and then my kitchen would be brighter and more open and happier and maybe I’d put up a nice shelf or just a cool piece of art and HOW GREAT WOULD THIS BE?!?!

Don’t drink and demo. Or do, but with supervision so you don’t do anything stupid. Like meeeeeeeeeee.

So I took down the uppers and the soffits. Briefly this felt good.

I had to re-route the electrical for the little over-the-sink light, and drywall the area that had been behind the soffit because the plaster was too far-gone. I just had to do some more patching, sanding, repaint a couple walls and the kitchen would be good as new!

I really should have taken a bath or something that night. I never did patch and sand and repaint. Instead, a few months later I seized the remainder of summer and demolished the rickety old addition off the back of the house.

Boy was that exciting.

This, in turn, prompted replacing the window and vestigial fire escape exit door in the second floor room above the kitchen and insulating and re-siding the back of the house—it was a huge job and one that I wasn’t totally ready for. One of the casualties ended up being the kitchen window, a cute casement that got split up into two casements for the second floor, like so:

So I ripped the kitchen window out, put in a “temporary” vinyl window, still thinking I’d patch up the kitchen and continue to use it for another 5-10 years and this would be good enough for now.

I never did patch up the kitchen. The wall surrounding the new window just remained open to the studs and insulation for the next several months. Elegant!

Then I designed and built an entire house (I. will. show. it. to. you. I. swear.), and at the tail end of that little gig, I circled back to my own. I did this with great excitement because I hadn’t been able to put any real work into my own house for a while, so naturally I took on the biggest and most involved project this house will ever see under my care: the enormous restoration of the side of the house.

This saw the removal of two more additions and the installation of five(!) new windows—two of them in the kitchen, but a different wall than the one from the year before. Round and round we go.

In order to install these new windows, we first had to frame in the openings for them. We probably could have gone about this a couple of more intelligent ways, but instead at that point it just felt like…fuck it. Just gut it. So that’s what we did, and suddenly my kitchen and pantry were reduced to a few remaining cabinets and a sink. Which I then also removed because it felt like they were in the way of completing the next steps, which I was sure I’d be addressing imminently.

So dumbbbbbbbbb, omg Daniel.

But at least I had two windows where I needed them to be…you know, for the kitchen that still has not manifested.

Before I could really even address the kitchen, I had to actually wrap up that whole side-of-the-house-restoration project on the exterior before winter hit. I ran out of time and didn’t totally finish, and shamefully still haven’t, but I finished enough that things have been fine.

I ran out of something else around that time too, though! The money in my bank account! That exterior project was more involved and costly than I’d given it credit for, and it cleaned. me. OUT.

THIS, my friends, was a bit over a year ago, and it was truly a low point. The house was a wreck. What was left of the kitchen (appliances, some cabinetry) had overtaken the dining room. The living room was mostly just exceptionally dirty from the renovations but literally felt unsalvageable at the time, like it might after a flood. The bedroom was missing a wall. The den was missing a wall and a ceiling. I hadn’t managed to get a plumber to come cap a couple of radiator lines and get the boiler going, so I didn’t have a real heat system that winter. I couldn’t figure out how to get hot water running either (turns out the motherboard of the boiler had died!) so I took frigid showers or sponge baths with water from the electric kettle, since I no longer had a stove to heat it. This went on for months.

Guys, it was fucking horrible. In the summer, cold showers and doing my dishes on the front porch had felt kind of quaint and folksy, but now it just felt like I could not be more of a disappointment to myself and to this house. And it was my fault. Decisions I had made myself had led me here. To Grey Gardens, my new home.

We ain’t done.

I guess it was kind of OK to not have the cash to do the kitchen a year ago, in part because there were plenty of low-cost projects to keep me occupied, like the bedroom and the den. You can do a lot with joint compound and paint between bigger projects, so I just focused on that kind of stuff. Besides, there was another huge roadblock in front of really even getting the kitchen renovation started, aside from the money part: re-doing that back wall…again. Already. The one that I already did two years prior, when I thought I wouldn’t have to think about it again for a decade or so. The kitchen design kind of hinged (pun def intended) on moving the location of the exterior door, and replacing the temporary vinyl window, so the chimney could be flanked by two matching windows to the new ones on the other elevation.

I’d hoped, I think, that this would somehow just happen. Like I’d wake up and find windows and doors where my computer renderings had placed them, and then I could move ahead into the rough-ins and the finishing work!

Sadly this did not come to pass. So at the tail end of this past summer, with the goal of being able to really work on the kitchen this winter, I bit the bullet and Edwin and Edgar and I took a week and did it (followed by a few weeks of me working alone every evening/weekend…). I had a better idea of what I was getting into, so it wasn’t as bad as the first time around, and I had a bit more help. So we took out the door and the vinyl window.

Then we removed the siding from the first floor (again) because it seemed a bit easier than all the patching that would have been required otherwise.

All of this pretty much sucked, by the way.

Once that kitchen wall was framed and the windows installed, we moved on to putting the wall back together.

One thing I never loved about the first revamp of this wall was that I hadn’t taken the opportunity to expand the corner boards. The original corner boards are 4″ on this house, which feels kind of dinky below such a substantial cornice and eaves returns, so we popped off the corner boards and cut another 4″ or so off the ends of the remaining clapboard with a circular saw. Inside the house, we added new nailers so the new ends of the clapboard would be affixed to something stable. The new corner boards are 7.5″ wide on this back kitchen addition, and 11.5″ on earlier parts of the structure. It’s a small thing that makes a big difference! And doesn’t really complicate anything if you’re doing all this work anyway.

Boom! Someday I’ll trim out the tops of the corner boards to really finish it off, but for now they look fine.

MOVING. RIGHT. ALONG! Next came the new exterior door location and the windows for the planned pantry space and the first floor powder room. Just rebuilding every goddamn wall. The new door is off-center to accommodate cabinetry in that room, and I think an exterior wall sconce to the right of the doorway will be a welcome addition and balance things out.

By the way, yeah—that new door is in what was my laundry room. Also gutted to make space for this big ambitious kitchen plan. In case you thought things couldn’t get worse! They got worse. They’re getting better again, though!

I swear all of this is in the service of someday being able to live a normal life in this house and NOT just destroying everything on a biannual basis.

That little crooked window on the left was the laundry room window. That little skinny window on the right was the first floor bathroom window. They were a funny weirdly proportioned pair, and now they are history. Down came the vinyl, down came the clapboard, out came the brick nogging and old windows, and in went some new framing and new insulation and sheathing and windows.

This is definitely the most awkward (and, thankfully, least visible!) elevation of the house, and I think it’s just always going to be something less than gorgeous. I hemmed and hawed a lot on how to make this window arrangement feel natural inside and outside the house, but ultimately the architecture is just weird—it’s always going to look like an addition, and that’s OK! I love to tear off additions, but sometimes you need them. Like, say, when they contain the only bathrooms!

So with these new windows, I aimed to make it look like a slightly more elegantly planned addition than before, like maybe a porch that was enclosed at some point. The windows themselves are the same proportion as most of the other windows on the house, but smaller (larger than what was there, though!), and the top of the windows align with the top of the newly installed adjacent back door. I also chose 2-over-2 windows, which I kinda pulled out of my ass because it just felt right and a 6-over-6 in that size is a bit much with all that lite division.

I can kinda dig hanging something between them and planting some fabulous climbing rose bush or something? That feels like a very distant goal so we have time to brainstorm.

Annnnnnnd, this is as far as I got out there! Clearly there are various things that still need doing, but all the big stuff is done. A little odd, but I’m pleased with it!

Do you like my little deck? It’s fancy. I built it in an afternoon out of scrap wood. The post rests on a piece of bluestone from the yard. Obviously I want to do something better but I had to get rid of that big drop ASAP and “something better” is not in the existing time or money budgets.

So to review, in the space of 4-ish years, we have now gone from this:

to this:

to this:

to this:

to this:

to this:

Clearly there is some finish work to return to in the spring (we don’t need to start listing it, do we?), but HEY! I know I seem crazy. My neighbors would probably concur on this. But NOW the kitchen/pantry/half-bath work can continue and—good lord willing and the creek don’t rise—I should never have to redo this again for as long as I am alive and kicking.

Let us pray.

So I Re-Did the Back of the House (Again). published first on https://carpetgurus.tumblr.com/

[interiorstarweb]

So I Re-Did the Back of the House (Again).

Here is a shocking bit of information that you have likely already deduced if you have read this blog for any amount of time: I’ve been chasing my tail a bit with my own house renovation. I’m not proud. A couple of years ago, I bit off more than I could chew. I should have known better. I did it anyway. Unsurprisingly, it bit me in the ass.

Let’s talk about it.

I bought a house with an old and truly yucky kitchen. The kitchen was the very first thing I tackled, and ya know? That was a good renovation. The improvements were inexpensive but impactful (new paint, a little subway tile, and VCT floors for the win!), and the kitchen worked fairly well.

It wasn’t the dream kitchen but it was a fine, serviceable space, and one that could have easily lasted several more years. The kitchen took kind of a beating as other renovations unfolded throughout the house, but I’d renovated it with that in mind! It would all get torn out someday but, I figured, when everything else had been done, by which time this kitchen would certainly be falling apart.

Fast forward less than two years, and I found myself single. One night, I also found myself a little drunk (related: pls excuse the quality of these photos). With the contents of my kitchen cabinets now significantly slimmed down as a result of the break-up, I was suddenly overcome with the urge to slim down the cabinets themselves. I didn’t NEED all these cabinets! And if I just took down the upper cabinets, then I could also just rip out the enormous soffits above them, and then my kitchen would be brighter and more open and happier and maybe I’d put up a nice shelf or just a cool piece of art and HOW GREAT WOULD THIS BE?!?!

Don’t drink and demo. Or do, but with supervision so you don’t do anything stupid. Like meeeeeeeeeee.

So I took down the uppers and the soffits. Briefly this felt good.

I had to re-route the electrical for the little over-the-sink light, and drywall the area that had been behind the soffit because the plaster was too far-gone. I just had to do some more patching, sanding, repaint a couple walls and the kitchen would be good as new!

I really should have taken a bath or something that night. I never did patch and sand and repaint. Instead, a few months later I seized the remainder of summer and demolished the rickety old addition off the back of the house.

Boy was that exciting.

This, in turn, prompted replacing the window and vestigial fire escape exit door in the second floor room above the kitchen and insulating and re-siding the back of the house—it was a huge job and one that I wasn’t totally ready for. One of the casualties ended up being the kitchen window, a cute casement that got split up into two casements for the second floor, like so:

So I ripped the kitchen window out, put in a “temporary” vinyl window, still thinking I’d patch up the kitchen and continue to use it for another 5-10 years and this would be good enough for now.

I never did patch up the kitchen. The wall surrounding the new window just remained open to the studs and insulation for the next several months. Elegant!

Then I designed and built an entire house (I. will. show. it. to. you. I. swear.), and at the tail end of that little gig, I circled back to my own. I did this with great excitement because I hadn’t been able to put any real work into my own house for a while, so naturally I took on the biggest and most involved project this house will ever see under my care: the enormous restoration of the side of the house.

This saw the removal of two more additions and the installation of five(!) new windows—two of them in the kitchen, but a different wall than the one from the year before. Round and round we go.

In order to install these new windows, we first had to frame in the openings for them. We probably could have gone about this a couple of more intelligent ways, but instead at that point it just felt like…fuck it. Just gut it. So that’s what we did, and suddenly my kitchen and pantry were reduced to a few remaining cabinets and a sink. Which I then also removed because it felt like they were in the way of completing the next steps, which I was sure I’d be addressing imminently.

So dumbbbbbbbbb, omg Daniel.

But at least I had two windows where I needed them to be…you know, for the kitchen that still has not manifested.

Before I could really even address the kitchen, I had to actually wrap up that whole side-of-the-house-restoration project on the exterior before winter hit. I ran out of time and didn’t totally finish, and shamefully still haven’t, but I finished enough that things have been fine.

I ran out of something else around that time too, though! The money in my bank account! That exterior project was more involved and costly than I’d given it credit for, and it cleaned. me. OUT.

THIS, my friends, was a bit over a year ago, and it was truly a low point. The house was a wreck. What was left of the kitchen (appliances, some cabinetry) had overtaken the dining room. The living room was mostly just exceptionally dirty from the renovations but literally felt unsalvageable at the time, like it might after a flood. The bedroom was missing a wall. The den was missing a wall and a ceiling. I hadn’t managed to get a plumber to come cap a couple of radiator lines and get the boiler going, so I didn’t have a real heat system that winter. I couldn’t figure out how to get hot water running either (turns out the motherboard of the boiler had died!) so I took frigid showers or sponge baths with water from the electric kettle, since I no longer had a stove to heat it. This went on for months.

Guys, it was fucking horrible. In the summer, cold showers and doing my dishes on the front porch had felt kind of quaint and folksy, but now it just felt like I could not be more of a disappointment to myself and to this house. And it was my fault. Decisions I had made myself had led me here. To Grey Gardens, my new home.

We ain’t done.

I guess it was kind of OK to not have the cash to do the kitchen a year ago, in part because there were plenty of low-cost projects to keep me occupied, like the bedroom and the den. You can do a lot with joint compound and paint between bigger projects, so I just focused on that kind of stuff. Besides, there was another huge roadblock in front of really even getting the kitchen renovation started, aside from the money part: re-doing that back wall…again. Already. The one that I already did two years prior, when I thought I wouldn’t have to think about it again for a decade or so. The kitchen design kind of hinged (pun def intended) on moving the location of the exterior door, and replacing the temporary vinyl window, so the chimney could be flanked by two matching windows to the new ones on the other elevation.

I’d hoped, I think, that this would somehow just happen. Like I’d wake up and find windows and doors where my computer renderings had placed them, and then I could move ahead into the rough-ins and the finishing work!

Sadly this did not come to pass. So at the tail end of this past summer, with the goal of being able to really work on the kitchen this winter, I bit the bullet and Edwin and Edgar and I took a week and did it (followed by a few weeks of me working alone every evening/weekend…). I had a better idea of what I was getting into, so it wasn’t as bad as the first time around, and I had a bit more help. So we took out the door and the vinyl window.

Then we removed the siding from the first floor (again) because it seemed a bit easier than all the patching that would have been required otherwise.

All of this pretty much sucked, by the way.

Once that kitchen wall was framed and the windows installed, we moved on to putting the wall back together.

One thing I never loved about the first revamp of this wall was that I hadn’t taken the opportunity to expand the corner boards. The original corner boards are 4″ on this house, which feels kind of dinky below such a substantial cornice and eaves returns, so we popped off the corner boards and cut another 4″ or so off the ends of the remaining clapboard with a circular saw. Inside the house, we added new nailers so the new ends of the clapboard would be affixed to something stable. The new corner boards are 7.5″ wide on this back kitchen addition, and 11.5″ on earlier parts of the structure. It’s a small thing that makes a big difference! And doesn’t really complicate anything if you’re doing all this work anyway.

Boom! Someday I’ll trim out the tops of the corner boards to really finish it off, but for now they look fine.

MOVING. RIGHT. ALONG! Next came the new exterior door location and the windows for the planned pantry space and the first floor powder room. Just rebuilding every goddamn wall. The new door is off-center to accommodate cabinetry in that room, and I think an exterior wall sconce to the right of the doorway will be a welcome addition and balance things out.

By the way, yeah—that new door is in what was my laundry room. Also gutted to make space for this big ambitious kitchen plan. In case you thought things couldn’t get worse! They got worse. They’re getting better again, though!

I swear all of this is in the service of someday being able to live a normal life in this house and NOT just destroying everything on a biannual basis.

That little crooked window on the left was the laundry room window. That little skinny window on the right was the first floor bathroom window. They were a funny weirdly proportioned pair, and now they are history. Down came the vinyl, down came the clapboard, out came the brick nogging and old windows, and in went some new framing and new insulation and sheathing and windows.

This is definitely the most awkward (and, thankfully, least visible!) elevation of the house, and I think it’s just always going to be something less than gorgeous. I hemmed and hawed a lot on how to make this window arrangement feel natural inside and outside the house, but ultimately the architecture is just weird—it’s always going to look like an addition, and that’s OK! I love to tear off additions, but sometimes you need them. Like, say, when they contain the only bathrooms!

So with these new windows, I aimed to make it look like a slightly more elegantly planned addition than before, like maybe a porch that was enclosed at some point. The windows themselves are the same proportion as most of the other windows on the house, but smaller (larger than what was there, though!), and the top of the windows align with the top of the newly installed adjacent back door. I also chose 2-over-2 windows, which I kinda pulled out of my ass because it just felt right and a 6-over-6 in that size is a bit much with all that lite division.

I can kinda dig hanging something between them and planting some fabulous climbing rose bush or something? That feels like a very distant goal so we have time to brainstorm.

Annnnnnnd, this is as far as I got out there! Clearly there are various things that still need doing, but all the big stuff is done. A little odd, but I’m pleased with it!

Do you like my little deck? It’s fancy. I built it in an afternoon out of scrap wood. The post rests on a piece of bluestone from the yard. Obviously I want to do something better but I had to get rid of that big drop ASAP and “something better” is not in the existing time or money budgets.

So to review, in the space of 4-ish years, we have now gone from this:

to this:

to this:

to this:

to this:

to this:

Clearly there is some finish work to return to in the spring (we don’t need to start listing it, do we?), but HEY! I know I seem crazy. My neighbors would probably concur on this. But NOW the kitchen/pantry/half-bath work can continue and—good lord willing and the creek don’t rise—I should never have to redo this again for as long as I am alive and kicking.

Let us pray.

So I Re-Did the Back of the House (Again). published first on https://novaformmattressreview.tumblr.com/

[additionallysad]

Beach House Progress: The Outside Is (Almost) Done & The Inside’s Just Getting Good http://ift.tt/2pgDdlP

Slowly but surely we’re making headway on the beach house. In fact, in the next few weeks we’re going to see BIG progress as the house gets all new electrical, plumbing, and a fully functioning HVAC system (just in time for those sweltering beach days). We’re so excited to be able to shout from the rooftops that there’s no more sketchy knob & tube wiring, the furnace will no longer be “accessorized” with cardboard and bedsheets (not sure what those were for), and there’s actually going to be running water in the house again, which hasn’t happened for who knows how long (the old sewer line got busted up by tree roots in the back, so we have to MAKE A HOLE IN THE ROAD to get a new line out front – yoinks!).

But apart from a few shots here and there on social media, it’s been a while since our last big update. Since then, we’ve gotten a whole lot of major stuff check off outside, like a new roof (no more leaking into the house!) and new pink HardiePlank siding (more on that material and color choice here). IT’S GIVING ME ALL THE HEART EYES, and yes I’m having a full blown love affair with pink right now (even started this Instagram account to prove it). The painfully slow hanging chad dangling checklist item is that creamy yellow trim. The weather and our painter’s schedule haven’t been friends lately, but I’m confident that within days (GLORIOUS DAYS!) we’ll no longer pull up and have to give those not-white porch columns a solid two minutes of side eye.

The “completed” list also includes a bunch of new windows. We were able to save all five original stained glass windows WHICH WE ARE SO RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED ABOUT (there is one on the front, one on the right side, and three on the left side – seen below). Some of them needed some new panes, many needed new sills, and all of them still need reglazing, but they’re starting to look pretty good! Especially with all the white trim on that freshly rebuilt side of the house (remember that curve ball?).

Many of the other windows were too rotten/broken to save and some of them had been replaced by bad vinyl ones that weren’t doing their job, so getting consistent, high quality, and energy rated ones that all match was definitely an upgrade we were excited to check off the list.

But despite all of the progress outside, there’s still plenty to be done. We still have some brick repairs around the perimeter of the house that need to be done, we’re getting a new metal roof over the porch since the old one is sadly beyond saving, and we have to add stairs to all three entrances (the front concrete block ones were busted from the start, the side door never had any stairs at all, and the also-busted concrete block back stairs had to go to run the siding completely behind them). We’re going to do brick steps out front which we think will be such an upgrade from concrete blocks.

I know what you’re thinking: how is Sherry, with her little baby legs, getting into that house? Don’t worry, even my short stems can make the leap up. I’ve even done it while chewing gum. #showoff

Back up front, the porch ceiling needs some attention too. We originally thought we’d paint it white so the pink siding could be the star, but the existing color really grew on us. We figured after the pink siding went on it would be too much, but instead it seems to complement the blue houses next door – and we’ve always had a soft spot for blue porch ceilings.

So we did what any DIYer would do when they happen to leave their paint decks back home, 2.5 hours away. We gathered up some of the fallen paint flakes in an old paper cup and brought them home to compare. We decided to go a bit lighter/less saturated, so Breaktime by Sherwin Williams won out. (Note: this isn’t lead paint, it’s just peeling exterior paint from the last 15 years or so – we test things like freaks, and had pros handle any and all of the lead, asbestos, and mold).

But in spite of all of the impending tasks and line items, I can’t not be happy looking at the new siding. I grin like a big old nerdface every time we roll up. EVERY. FREAKING. TIME.

Gotta stop and take a breath. Am I too hyper about this stuff? YES. Is it warranted? I THINK SO!!!!!

All of the new framing and reinforcement framing inside is done too, so we’ve really loved seeing our floor plan slowly come to life in 3D. We can see bedrooms starting to take shape, and closests appear out of nowhere.

Our favorite part of the new framing was finally walking through the upstairs hallway that we added to make sure nobody will have to slink through one bedroom to get to another.

John was also hyper about this stuff, FYI:

Look at me, just playing it cool. If by playing it cool you mean posing like a Deal or No Deal girl.

That picture of me also gives you some perspective because when I looked at the picture of John “The Wingspan” Petersik pulling his spider-monkey moves, the hall looked tiny. But a little “Sherry for scale” saved the day (you should know that’s John’s favorite unit of measurement).

I know pictures of framing can be kind of confusing, so I’ll save the rest for another post (maybe when I can get a decent video tour). But before I go, look at this cool little detail we figured out with our contractor. He discovered that a portion of the upstairs landing was sagging near the stairs (you could practically bounce on it – and no ceiling drywall would ever work there without cracking). So after weighing a ton of options like a big ugly pillar there, we landed on the idea of using a local blacksmith to create a sturdy iron support bracket. Boom, no more bounce.

You can see how it will connect to the stairs in two places to shore up and support the sagging floor in the picture below. It was a much better solution than adding a giant post somewhere – plus it felt kinda fancy to have something custom made out of iron (and it was just $100 whereas a big ol’ post would’ve been a lot more). If we’re lucky it’ll look like a cool original detail once we’re all done.

Another recent task was to select where all of our electrical stuff (fixture boxes, outlets, light switches, etc) and plumbing stuff (sinks, toilets, showers, laundry appliances, etc) and kitchen stuff (fridge, stove, sink, dishwasher) would go. It meant we basically had to walk through every inch of the house and make sure we didn’t forget to mark a spot where we’d want an outlet, and agonize over every single door and how it would swing to make sure we’re putting the light switches in the right spot.

Then it was on to marking where we wanted ceiling fixtures, some of which would need to be centered over something like an island (so its location needed to be mapped out first) while others might need to be centered over a dining table (so we’d need to know where we were putting that) or a fan box might need to be planned for a spot that’ll be centered over the bed (again, had to figure out where that was going to determine the fan placement).

Next came planning the width of every shower so we knew what sized vanities we should get and if we needed a compact or regular toilet and how wide our showers could be and where we’d put the shower spigots so they weren’t on a back wall (which isn’t recommended since the pipes can freeze). If that sounds like a lot of stuff, IT WAS. It took us hours and hours onsite after days and days of planning back at home. Then we made additional to-scale renderings when we got back home just to be sure about everything. But it also felt like a huge accomplishment once we had things locked in. ONWARD!

The next step was picking out (and then purchasing) alllll of the light fixtures, faucets, vanities, tile, cabinets, and basically everything except for furniture and appliances, which can come later. But yes, it’s a WHOLE LOTTA ORDERING! Which is both exhilarating and also semi-paralyzing. But we think we’ve made some final decisions, so we hope to be back with some bathroom/kitchen/laundry room plans when we get a second to lay those out (my color-coded binder runneth over). But if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to call the credit card company who just froze our card because of all the seemingly suspect plumbing and lighting purchases. Lol. And also, oy!

P.S. If you want to read all about the beach house from the beginning, here’s the post about how we bought it, this one with our initial floor plan ideas and a video tour, this one about decor inspiration and the look/feel we’re leaning towards, how we picked a color (and why we went with hardiplank), some progress with walls and a new floor plan, and (my personal favorite) how the rotting side of our house photobombed HGTV.

The post Beach House Progress: The Outside Is (Almost) Done & The Inside’s Just Getting Good appeared first on Young House Love.

[endlessarchite]

Beach House Progress: The Outside Is (Almost) Done & The Inside’s Just Getting Good

Slowly but surely we’re making headway on the beach house. In fact, in the next few weeks we’re going to see BIG progress as the house gets all new electrical, plumbing, and a fully functioning HVAC system (just in time for those sweltering beach days). We’re so excited to be able to shout from the rooftops that there’s no more sketchy knob & tube wiring, the furnace will no longer be “accessorized” with cardboard and bedsheets (not sure what those were for), and there’s actually going to be running water in the house again, which hasn’t happened for who knows how long (the old sewer line got busted up by tree roots in the back, so we have to MAKE A HOLE IN THE ROAD to get a new line out front – yoinks!).

But apart from a few shots here and there on social media, it’s been a while since our last big update. Since then, we’ve gotten a whole lot of major stuff check off outside, like a new roof (no more leaking into the house!) and new pink HardiePlank siding (more on that material and color choice here). IT’S GIVING ME ALL THE HEART EYES, and yes I’m having a full blown love affair with pink right now (even started this Instagram account to prove it). The painfully slow hanging chad dangling checklist item is that creamy yellow trim. The weather and our painter’s schedule haven’t been friends lately, but I’m confident that within days (GLORIOUS DAYS!) we’ll no longer pull up and have to give those not-white porch columns a solid two minutes of side eye.

The “completed” list also includes a bunch of new windows. We were able to save all five original stained glass windows WHICH WE ARE SO RIDICULOUSLY EXCITED ABOUT (there is one on the front, one on the right side, and three on the left side – seen below). Some of them needed some new panes, many needed new sills, and all of them still need reglazing, but they’re starting to look pretty good! Especially with all the white trim on that freshly rebuilt side of the house (remember that curve ball?).

Many of the other windows were too rotten/broken to save and some of them had been replaced by bad vinyl ones that weren’t doing their job, so getting consistent, high quality, and energy rated ones that all match was definitely an upgrade we were excited to check off the list.

But despite all of the progress outside, there’s still plenty to be done. We still have some brick repairs around the perimeter of the house that need to be done, we’re getting a new metal roof over the porch since the old one is sadly beyond saving, and we have to add stairs to all three entrances (the front concrete block ones were busted from the start, the side door never had any stairs at all, and the also-busted concrete block back stairs had to go to run the siding completely behind them). We’re going to do brick steps out front which we think will be such an upgrade from concrete blocks.

I know what you’re thinking: how is Sherry, with her little baby legs, getting into that house? Don’t worry, even my short stems can make the leap up. I’ve even done it while chewing gum. #showoff

Back up front, the porch ceiling needs some attention too. We originally thought we’d paint it white so the pink siding could be the star, but the existing color really grew on us. We figured after the pink siding went on it would be too much, but instead it seems to complement the blue houses next door – and we’ve always had a soft spot for blue porch ceilings.

So we did what any DIYer would do when they happen to leave their paint decks back home, 2.5 hours away. We gathered up some of the fallen paint flakes in an old paper cup and brought them home to compare. We decided to go a bit lighter/less saturated, so Breaktime by Sherwin Williams won out. (Note: this isn’t lead paint, it’s just peeling exterior paint from the last 15 years or so – we test things like freaks, and had pros handle any and all of the lead, asbestos, and mold).

But in spite of all of the impending tasks and line items, I can’t not be happy looking at the new siding. I grin like a big old nerdface every time we roll up. EVERY. FREAKING. TIME.

Gotta stop and take a breath. Am I too hyper about this stuff? YES. Is it warranted? I THINK SO!!!!!

All of the new framing and reinforcement framing inside is done too, so we’ve really loved seeing our floor plan slowly come to life in 3D. We can see bedrooms starting to take shape, and closests appear out of nowhere.

Our favorite part of the new framing was finally walking through the upstairs hallway that we added to make sure nobody will have to slink through one bedroom to get to another.

John was also hyper about this stuff, FYI:

Look at me, just playing it cool. If by playing it cool you mean posing like a Deal or No Deal girl.

That picture of me also gives you some perspective because when I looked at the picture of John “The Wingspan” Petersik pulling his spider-monkey moves, the hall looked tiny. But a little “Sherry for scale” saved the day (you should know that’s John’s favorite unit of measurement).

I know pictures of framing can be kind of confusing, so I’ll save the rest for another post (maybe when I can get a decent video tour). But before I go, look at this cool little detail we figured out with our contractor. He discovered that a portion of the upstairs landing was sagging near the stairs (you could practically bounce on it – and no ceiling drywall would ever work there without cracking). So after weighing a ton of options like a big ugly pillar there, we landed on the idea of using a local blacksmith to create a sturdy iron support bracket. Boom, no more bounce.

You can see how it will connect to the stairs in two places to shore up and support the sagging floor in the picture below. It was a much better solution than adding a giant post somewhere – plus it felt kinda fancy to have something custom made out of iron (and it was just $100 whereas a big ol’ post would’ve been a lot more). If we’re lucky it’ll look like a cool original detail once we’re all done.

Another recent task was to select where all of our electrical stuff (fixture boxes, outlets, light switches, etc) and plumbing stuff (sinks, toilets, showers, laundry appliances, etc) and kitchen stuff (fridge, stove, sink, dishwasher) would go. It meant we basically had to walk through every inch of the house and make sure we didn’t forget to mark a spot where we’d want an outlet, and agonize over every single door and how it would swing to make sure we’re putting the light switches in the right spot.

Then it was on to marking where we wanted ceiling fixtures, some of which would need to be centered over something like an island (so its location needed to be mapped out first) while others might need to be centered over a dining table (so we’d need to know where we were putting that) or a fan box might need to be planned for a spot that’ll be centered over the bed (again, had to figure out where that was going to determine the fan placement).

Next came planning the width of every shower so we knew what sized vanities we should get and if we needed a compact or regular toilet and how wide our showers could be and where we’d put the shower spigots so they weren’t on a back wall (which isn’t recommended since the pipes can freeze). If that sounds like a lot of stuff, IT WAS. It took us hours and hours onsite after days and days of planning back at home. Then we made additional to-scale renderings when we got back home just to be sure about everything. But it also felt like a huge accomplishment once we had things locked in. ONWARD!

The next step was picking out (and then purchasing) alllll of the light fixtures, faucets, vanities, tile, cabinets, and basically everything except for furniture and appliances, which can come later. But yes, it’s a WHOLE LOTTA ORDERING! Which is both exhilarating and also semi-paralyzing. But we think we’ve made some final decisions, so we hope to be back with some bathroom/kitchen/laundry room plans when we get a second to lay those out (my color-coded binder runneth over). But if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to call the credit card company who just froze our card because of all the seemingly suspect plumbing and lighting purchases. Lol. And also, oy!

P.S. If you want to read all about the beach house from the beginning, here’s the post about how we bought it, this one with our initial floor plan ideas and a video tour, this one about decor inspiration and the look/feel we’re leaning towards, how we picked a color (and why we went with hardiplank), some progress with walls and a new floor plan, and (my personal favorite) how the rotting side of our house photobombed HGTV.

The post Beach House Progress: The Outside Is (Almost) Done & The Inside’s Just Getting Good appeared first on Young House Love.

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