regarding the fits royalty au... what would post-finale battle tanyame be like? (also I'm in love with fits!! your work is so wonderful to read, and Ayame is written so well. she feels like a real person. I love your writing!!)
lemme just be the first to say thank u so much for loving fits!!! it's always an absolute joy to hear how much you enjoy it, and i'm always relieved to hear that ayame feels like a real person. she feels like a real person to me sometimes too ^^
now onto the ask!
how would post-final battle tanyame be like?
hmmm........
funnily enough, i haven't given it much thought until now! but now i have to think about it and i am enjoying myself very much.
if we compare them to fits canon, then i suppose they wouldn't be all that different. except, maybe, for the part where tanjirou sort of proposes to ayame before they start on their journey to okutama. i can see tanjirou injecting some form of ceremony in it, maybe even dropping down to his knees in deference to his hime, only for ayame to pull him up to his feet so she could kiss him.
ayame would have to take a lot more initiative, that's for sure. tanjirou has to work very hard to squash down the little voice in his head that screams, "That's O-Ayame-hime! You are not of the same standing, don't do something ridiculous like hold her hand or press your lips to hers!!!" and as a result, he's less likely to do things like reach out to her or even ask her out on dates.
ayame is a lot more confident overall. she's pretty harsh on herself in canon, but in royalty au, she would be both more and less so on herself. she's certainly stricter on herself, but she also allows herself more leeway to make mistakes. as a result, her confidence is less easily shaken.
for tanyame? this mainly translates to less hesitation on her part.
by the final battle, tanjirou would have been more aware of how ayame didn't need a guard or protector because she was perfectly capable of doing the protecting by herself. however, it doesn't erase an entire lifetime of learning that ayame is kuge and tanjirou is buke, and those don't really mix. it's something that is easier for ayame to discard, since she's already renounced her claim to the title, and isn't it usually easier for nobility to marry beneath their station than for a commoner to marry into nobility? although i guess it would be nobility marrying into royalty, but same diff.
there might be some friction in the first few days after ayame wakes up, post-final battle.
tanjirou would pull away. it was one thing for him to pull her into a kiss in the heat of the moment, because he was worried one of them was going to die without him revealing what his true feelings were (yeah, he still does The Kiss in the infinity fortress), but it's another thing entirely to pursue a relationship with his hime. even if the thought of her finding happiness with another person makes his stomach turn. and also makes him mad as hell.
but you know tanjirou. he was a man of duty. the eldest son endures, and a royal guard protects his hime no matter the cost. it doesn't really matter that his hime can protect herself, or that he certainly isn't in any position to be protecting her since he only has one working arm. it's the thought that counts!
so, obviously, he should pull away from his hime and wish her happiness with whoever she chooses! it might even be giyuu-san! he's fine with that! (he isn't fine with that. of course he isn't, but what can he do?)
zenitsu and inosuke would have to intervene. so would kanao. they're the only ones who can do anything about tanyame circling each other, because they don't have to wrestle with duty versus heart like tanjirou and ayame (and to some extent, nezuko) have to.
also they wouldn't be as publicly affectionate like canon tanyame are, but that just means that they're. um. well. u know. repressed. i can't elaborate on this without blushing sorry -
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Random goon: Hey boss, were you the one to pick that name as an alias? And why this one?
Red Hood : I used to have another name, before... A long time ago. But that person is dead now. I get to choose for myself now, they can't take that from me. I won't let them.
Goon: Huh.
***
Random Goon: Say boss, why do you never take off your shirt in front of us?
Red Hood: Well uh, I actually have that really fucked scar on my chest and I'm not comfortable with...
Random Goon: Don't worry boss, we get it, you don't have to explain yourself to us.
***
Red Hood, high on some toxin: God, I wish my family...
Random Goon (on boss-sitting duty): why not try reaching out to them?
Red Hood: They would never accept me as I am now... They wouldn't agree with my so-called "life choices". Besides, they don't miss me, they miss the person they think I used to be... I wasn't even a man when I last saw them.
Random Goon: Damn boss, that sucks.
***
And then the goons throw the Red Hood a party on trans visibility day and Jason is so confused he straight up cries.
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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