#they just want to be the most radical person in the room

[hag-lad]

Holy fuck, all of your takes about homosexuality are DOGSHIT today, kiddos. Has “queer” in-fighting fully circled back around to become pure homophobia? It’s more likely than you think!

[leah-lover]

Drive to survive. Leah Williamson x F1!reader

Who is going to replace Lewis Hamilton? This question has taken the f1 media by storm for a whole season. Some believed it would be Andrea Kimi Antonelli, while others hoped for Max Verstappen, or Carlos sainz. However none of them expected you. A woman would join F1 in one  of the most decorated cars in recent years. A woman would take the seat of the legendary Lewis Hamilton. 

The support was significant but the pushback was overwhelming. Many people applauded you for entering a male dominated field. They went on saying how much of a role model you were to young women, how you would change the f1 world forever, bring in new fans , and make f1 a more equal place in real life not just on paper. The other drivers welcomed you with open arms in their interaction with you or in  the way they talked about you most importantly lewis. 

As a result of your new found fame you were asked to join events and panels talking about women's sport or women in sports. Throughout your pre-season you were fully booked from training to preseason testing to the media event. 

The only time you ever thought about something other than how radical what you are doing is or what you were going to do next was when you saw a particularly stunning person. 

A tall blonde woman with a great mind you took a glimpse through when she answered the questions she was asked in the BBC panel you were on. She was educated, beautiful, well mannered, beautiful, very good with her words, and very very beautiful. 

You answered your questions to the best of your ability, took some pictures and headed towards the green room. When you came in you looked at the table and saw snacks and one lone mini chocolate bar. As you extended your hand to grab, you were met by another one going for it too. You extracted your hand quickly and looked at the eventual winner of the mini chocolate bar. It was her, the blond beauty that goes by Leah Williamson. 

“ Uhmm sorry. Here, take it.” Said the smiling young woman. 

“ No it's fine, you go ahead, I shouldn't anyway. It's pre-season.” You responded.

“ We can split it then. I am sure half of a mini bar isn't going to hurt.” She added. 

You two then split the bar. “ I am Leah Williamson.” She said as she extended her hand. You told her your name and shook her hand. 

“ You were very good there. Very good answers.” You complimented Leah. 

“ You too.” She said shyly. 

“ Do you want to get out of here?” You ask. 

“ Does that line work on everyone you meet?” 

You laugh nervously. “ No. I don't use it much. Uhmm, I am hungry and I want a buddy to go get food with.” 

“ I am sorry, I have to go to another press conference. But maybe someday soon.” 

You hand her your phone so that she can save her number in. When you look at the name she saved her number as “ arsenal's number 6.” Which gave you a glimpse of her sense of humor. 

Your season started a short while after you two started to date. You clicked instantly and one might say it was love at first sight since it only took 6 dates over 2 weeks for you to reveal that you two loved each other. 

You both  understood that your careers were busy, her with arsenal's and the lionesses and you with traveling around the world and driving your fast car. 

The start of your season was expectedly slow. You were decent throughout the qualifiers.  You started at p6 in Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, Australia, all the way through china. You were a little overwhelmed by all the media attention and scrutiny. But by round 8 you scored your first p4 which you interchanged by p5. 

You were very excited for your home race on Silverstone. You were excited by the presence of your friends and family, and most importantly your girlfriend. While other lionesses were invited in my McLaren you insisted on Leah being in the Mercedes garage with you. 

Knowing your girlfriend was going to watch you for the first time, knowing she was there for you and only you, gave you more motivation than you ever hoped for. You got in your car for qualifying ready to impress. As soon as you left the garage, you pushed the car to the limit which gave you your first ever pole position in F1. You were ecstatic and the team was happy for you too. 

Race day was crazy, you couldn't see your girlfriend because you had to prepare yourself for what probably was going to be a rainy race. 

The track was dry and empty in front of you. You were in pole, you just had to keep your position. As soon as the light turned green you pushed as fast as you could. Your team informed you of a few crashes behind you and an angry Max Verstappen in a red bull. The red bull team expressed their concerns about foul play in my result in qualifiers which led max to have an alleged grudge. You didn't think much of it, you just focused on staying in p1. 

“ Careful Max is being reckless trying to overtake you “ said one of your guys on the radio. You couldn't let fear creep in after all your girlfriend was watching. She to whom you promised the win. 

You went on denying him every opportunity to overtake and in time the race was just about you and Max going head to head with all the others being a full lap behind. You kept thinking of Leah and the sex you two would have after the win and how proud she would be of you. That was what gave you the edge over him .

You two changed tires at the same time. While Mercedes was faster, Red Bull was fast too. You speeded out of the box, felt a shock wave throughout the entire car. You didn't register what happened quickly. Your brain went silent then you said some words to yourself.

“ Silverstone, Leah, pole, win, box, max.” You thought. The car was getting hot, and you were getting light headed. You heard a voice through your ear but you couldn't register what they said. 

A few seconds passed before you saw an ambulance, you heard sirens and saw white foamy gas. The kind of gas they used for fires. 

“ Fires, I crashed, the car is on fire.” You thought again and quickly tried to get out of the car. 

You wanted to get up but couldn't. You were dizzy. You were going to die. 

[daydreaming-nerd]

The Angel of Music (Azriel x Reader)

AN: guys this is always one of my emotional support movies/plays I’ve seen it a million times so it only seemed fair that I give it the ACOTAR collab it deserves. 

Summary: It was the inner circles first time at the theater and from the way the Shadowsinger was blushing they all had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last. (the reader plays Christine Daae in Velaris’ adaptation of The Phantom Of The Opera and Azriel falls in love with her, but he’s afraid that she won’t like him because of his scars because she choose Raoul in the play) Set between ACOWAR and AOFAS

Warnings: Angst because of Azriel’s scars, shy az, but so much fluff, (just a little Az brain rot, didn't take this too seriously)

Word Count: 3,070

It wasn’t the shadowsinger's usual scene. Bustling people dressed to the nines, plush red chairs, gold sconces, orchestras. But Cassian had been tirelessly trying to make Nesta smile, and Ferye wanted to try and get her sisters together, so here he sat in the box that Rhysand had purchased for the night. 

Nesta loved the music and dancing, Elain loved the romance, and Feyre loved the costumes and color palettes of scenes. Cassian wanted to see Nesta smile, and Rhysand would do just about anything Feyre asked of him. 

In all his 500 years of life, Azriel had never thought to go to the theater. When he was a child he heard of his parents going but of course, he never got to go. As he grew the idea of going to see a show simply never crossed his mind.

When the lights went down and the orchestra came to life he spent most of his time watching Cassian, who was watching a very intrigued Nesta. He stayed that way until a clap and a spark echoed throughout the room. At first, he thought there was danger, but as soon as he turned his attention towards the stage he saw the large chandelier raise itself to life bringing the dilapidated stage with it. Golds, reds, and vibrant colors filled the room. 

Still, Azriel had trouble following the plot. But as he watched Nesta and her sisters become entranced by the music and dancing. The loud organ had stirred something in him, but he didn’t truly feel moved until her. 

Think of me, think of me fondly when we’ve said goodbye…

Azriel was sitting in a box at the edge of the theater, but even from this distance, he could tell that she was the most beautiful female he had ever seen.  He scooted to the edge of his seat a tad just to be that much closer to her. Her voice was that of a siren, no not a siren, an angel. His shadows danced around his ears and his wings at the sound of her ballad. Even the rest of the inner circle seemed to be entranced by her spell. 

As the play went on he found himself becoming irrationally jealous of Raoul. The pretty Viscount had not given her a second look at the beginning of the play. It wasn’t until the organ sounded again that the sound of her voice graced Azriel’s ears. The woman walked through a mirror towards a masked man. 

Who was this masked man? Where was he taking her? It wasn’t until Mor rested her hand to where he was gripping his chair with white knuckles that he remembered it was just a play. He sat back in his seat more, trying to tell his shadows to calm down. But as her voice climbed and climbed that beautiful crescendo they twisted and turned around him. 

Azriel spent the rest of the play being utterly entranced by the beautiful singer’s relationship with the Phantom. The masked man was dark and radical, staying in the shadows where no one could see him. He observed her from afar. Much like the shadowsinger did himself in every aspect of his life. 

It was clear to him that the Phantom was in love with Christine. So when Raoul and Christine kissed he nearly felt his heart shatter. The way the Phantom mourned, and cried, it felt all too personal to Azriel. 

I  gave you my music, made your way. And now how you’ve repaid me, denied me and betrayed me…

  From there on out Azriel found himself rooting for the Phantom, the man he saw so much of himself in. He nearly shed a tear when he found out why the man wore a mask. A scared child in a cage made to perform. 

He looked down at his mangled hands sitting on the arms of his chair. He had known a similar childhood and had suddenly wished he had something like a mask to cover such torn flesh. Maybe then the beautiful woman on stage might look at him with that same lovesick gaze, she wore now for Raoul, but he knew that could never be.

For a moment he felt joy, seeing her kiss the Phantom with such passion, such love. Only for that joy to be extinguished like a candle when she walks out with the Viscount. Of course, she would choose him, life does imitate art after all. It wasn’t until the curtain went down and the crowd erupted in thunderous applause that Azriel broke from his trance, standing to applause with them. 

“Well that was wonderful,” Feyre beamed, linking her arm with Rhysand’s. 

“I’ll say, that girl sang like an angel,” Mor gushed, fanning herself with her program as we all made our way out of the box. “Even Azriel seemed to enjoy it,” the female smirked, bumping Azriel with her shoulder. She had seen the lovesick gaze in his eyes. 

“It was so romantic the way Raoul came to rescue her,” Elain swooned, grabbing her sister's other arm. 

“Oh please, the Phantom was the obvious choice!” Nesta huffed at her sister's comment. 

“Nesta, would you like to meet the cast? Maybe talk to some of the dancers?” Feyre asked, changing the subject quickly before conflict arose. 

Nesta thought for a moment and spoke again, “Yes I would.” all she said. 

Of course, it was an easy task for Rhys to sweet-talk his way backstage, the inner circle sticking out like a sore thumb as they weaved past props, costumes, and the ensemble. Azriel’s eyes stayed ever vigilant, unable to let go of years of training as they walked down a dark hall. A cast member opened a door at the end of the hall to reveal mirrors with glimmering faelights around them. Vanities with every manor of makeup and costume jewelry. Two men he recognized as the actors who played the Viscount and the Phantom. 

The Phantom had washed off the makeup that made his face look scarred. Once again Azriel wished he too had that ability. Rhys and Feyre shook both their hands introducing them to the whole inner circle, but Azriel paid no mind. His hazel eyes were searching for a hint of her.

“Oh y/n there’s someone who wants to meet you!” called out one of the actors. 

“Oh, really who?” called a voice so melodic Azriel just knew that she had to be an angel. 

His shadows wisped around him frantically, calling out her name in his ear, like they were excited to finally know it. Rhys and Feyre’s eyes looked to their friend and smiled at one another. 

She walked around from a changing screen, tying the strings of the robe she was wearing that looked similar to the one she had worn on stage. She nearly stopped in her tracks as she saw her High Lord and Lady staring at her. 

“My Lord, My Lady,” she bows. “It is an honor.”

“No, no, please don’t bow,” Feyre rushes over, bringing the singer upright. “If anything we should be bowing to you. You sang like a goddess out there, you are truly talented.”

“Why thank you, my Lady, I’m truly happy you enjoyed the show,” she smiled and Azriel’s heart all but glowed. 

“Please call me Feyre,” the High Lady smiles, extending her hand. 

“Y/n,” the singer replied, taking her hand and shaking it. 

Azriel kept to the sidelines as the inner circle conversed with the cast and crew. Feyre and Rhys praised the play director and claimed they would be purchasing their box for the rest of the season. Nesta picked the brains of the dancers and their instructor, Cassian listening dutifully behind her. Elain chatted up the Phantom and Raoul, both actors seemingly falling for her, once again showing how life imitates art. 

Mor talked to y/n, about what? Azriel didn’t know. But the second Mor caught Az gazing at y/n she held out a hand to him. 

“Y/n I’d like you to meet Azriel, spymaster for the night court,” Mor said, beckoning Azriel over. 

Azriel quickly put his hands behind his back, not wanting to scare her with his scars. He could’ve sworn he saw her cheeks tint a shade pinker as he approached, looming over her in size. 

“How do you do?” y/n asks.

It takes a second for Azriel to realize that her angelic voice is speaking to him.

“Oh um, very well thanks.” he stutters, already feeling like a fool. Gods she was even more beautiful up close, he found himself suddenly longing for the box that offered him sanctuary, or a mask like the Phantom had. 

“Did you um, enjoy the show?” she probed and Azriel realized that Mor had conveniently dismissed herself. 

“I did,” he said quickly. “You have a beautiful voice, I could’ve listened all night.” 

Once again he swore he saw y/n blush as she looked down at her feet, “Thank you, though I think I fell flat a little in the first song. Opening night and all,” she laughed nervously and oh Cauldron, the sound of her laughter was enough to make Az take one step towards her. 

“No it was perfect, all of it.” he spat out, not standing to hear her say one more bad thing about herself. 

“Well thank you Azriel,” she said and by the fucking Cauldron she smiled at him. His name fell off her perfect lips and she smiled at him. He must’ve been dead and somehow gotten to heaven, there was no other explanation. 

The rest of the inner circle watched the pair intently. Feyre sank further into Rhysand’s side as they both realized they were watching Azriel fall in love in real-time. The yin and yang of the pair was near poetic and Feyre told herself she would pain this exact moment tomorrow morning. 

“Y/n why don’t you come to dinner with us? We would love to hear more about you,” Rhysand smiled.

His words broke the trance y/n was in, “Oh my Lord I truly wish I could, but I have an early day tomorrow and my apartment is clear across town.” She apologized. 

“No worries, it sounds like we will all be back for tomorrow night's show as well. Though I would hate for you to walk home alone,” Rhys smirked trying to get Azriel to bite at the bait.

“Not to worry I make the trek all the time,” she smiled, picking up the many vases of flowers people had left for her on her vanity. 

“Azriel could walk you home, couldn’t you Az?” Mor chimed in and Azriel shot her a look. 

“Uh, yeah I could if you’d like,” Azriel mentioned stuttering over his words as he scratched the back of his neck. 

“Oh no I wouldn’t want to take you from dinner with your family,” she assured him, picking up two large vases of flowers. 

“Not at all, I would be honored to walk you home,” the shadowsinger said a little too quickly. Feyre tried to stifle her laugh in Rhys’ side, she had never seen her spymaster so flustered. 

“Okay then,” the girl smiled and soon enough they were off down the cobblestone street, their way lit by dim faelight. 

y/n’s pov:

“Your shadows are incredible,” I smile watching as the dark wisps carry the various vases of flowers down the road. 

I had been more than happy to have the High Lord’s shadowsinger walk me home. In all honesty, I was captivated by the male the moment I set eyes on him. Sure he was hard, dressed in black, and over a foot taller than me. 

A sane woman might’ve kept her distance from the male, he was dangerous after all. But I knew the moment he spoke that he wasn’t a threat. There was a quiet and gentle calm underneath all that darkness.

“Thank you,” he says and I swear I see him blush. “They seem to really like you.” 

“They do? How can you tell?” I laugh as one of the little fellas brush against my cheek like a cat brushing against an ankle. 

“They went wild when you were singing tonight,” he chuckles, seemingly remembering how they danced. 

“Really?” I ask balking a bit. 

“I’m serious, give it a try,” he smiles, motioning for me to sing again. 

I shrug and clear my throat before singing a line from the play, “Angel of Music, hide no longer. Come to me, strange angel,” I sang softly and sure enough the little shadows danced and swirled around me. Threading themselves through my hair and around my arms where they held my vases of flowers. 

“That’s amazing,” I breathe finally watching the small wisps die down, hiding behind their master like they were shy. 

“You’re amazing,” their master spits out and then blushes. ‘

I can’t help but feel myself blush too, shying away from the hulking Illyrian. He didn’t look so tough as his shadows carried dozens of flowers behind him. He had walked down the street with his hands behind his back the whole time, not needing to lift a finger. 

The little purple door I’m so used to seeing comes into view. Outside the cottage are dozens and dozens of roses and the light inside is out. 

“I leave these here,” I say gesturing to the flowers I’m holding as I set them on the front porch. 

“Why not take them home? Were they not gifted to you?” Azriel cocks an eyebrow as his shadows place the flowers neatly next to the ones I set down. 

I laugh starting back down the path towards my place, “I get so many, I can’t possibly keep them all. Marla is an elderly woman who lost her husband years ago. It brings her joy to have them, so I leave them for her. Besides it’s not like they’re from anyone special,” I shrug, subtly dropping the hint to Azriel that I’m not otherwise engaged. 

Azriel pauses beside me and approaches a rose bush blooming near one of the cottages. Drawing his dagger, he carefully slices off a vibrant red rose. Before offering it to me, he painstakingly removes every thorn with the same blade, as if to protect my hands from even the slightest prick.

“You deserve to have at least one flower,” he says offering me the rose. 

I blush and go to reach for it when I catch sight of his hand. The mangled and marred flesh. I can’t help but feel my breath hitch as I wonder who could’ve done such a thing to such a gentle soul. The scarred hand pulls back a bit as if realizing my staring. 

“I guess I’m more Phantom than dashing Viscount,” he utters sadly, referring to my play and my role in it. My heart shatters as I see his broken expression. 

“You know,” I smile, taking the rose from his scarred hands. “I always thought that Christine should end up with The Phantom, he was clearly the better choice.” 

His head whips up as if I’ve uttered an inconceivable phrase. “Even though he had ugly scars?” Azriel inquires, his face tight like he might not want to hear whatever answer I provide.

“Who said he was ugly?” I laugh, did this beautiful specimen of a male truly believe he was ugly because his hands bore scars? 

“So you would choose the Phantom?” he cocks an eyebrow as if trying to read if I was telling the truth.

“In a heartbeat,” I affirm confidently and honestly.

He takes a step towards me, his form getting even bigger, “and what about scarred hands? Is that a deal breaker?” he probes, holding out his hands so I can see that they both harbor similar markings.  

I shake my head taking another step towards him, appreciating the beauty that is him. From the white scars that ran up his hands, to the shadows that danced around him like they they were whispering to him.

“So if I asked you to dinner after your show tomorrow?” he queries taking a step towards me as well.

“I would ask you where we are going?” I reply feeling my cheeks heat up. Was he asking me out? I tried to push the butterflies down in my stomach.

“Rita’s ?” he shrugs, stepping forward. 

“Sounds like a plan,” I smile moving towards him more, like I was compelled to.

“I’ll swing backstage after the curtain closes,” he smiles, seemingly becoming more confident in himself as we step closer together just a few feet apart.

“I’ll put your name on the list,” I say, feeling his presence pull me in. 

“And if I were to send you flowers? What kind would you like?” he interrogates further. 

I think for a moment, no one had ever asked me what flowers I might like to receive. My eyes look around as if searching for inspiration until they land on a blue siphon adorning his chest that’s right in front of me. 

“Something blue,” I blush knowing that when I see the cobalt flowers on my vanity I will know they are from him. 

“Consider it done,” he smiles and I suddenly realize that we’re mere inches apart now. 

I turn to my right where the blue door to my house beckons to be opened. Pulling out my keys I unlock it and use my shoulder to shove it open as it always gets stuck. 

“Well,” I say shyly. “Thank you for walking me home,” 

“Anytime,” he smiles looking down at his feet. 

The sight of the bashful warrior on my front doorstep has me melting. His face is so beautiful and perfectly carved I can't help but lean up on my toes and kiss his cheek. I almost regret it when it’s over but the violent red of his cheeks makes me smile again.

“Well goodnight,” I say, trying not to let my words shake in the process. 

“Goodnight,” he smiles, brushing a hand against his freshly kissed cheek.

I close the door and place the single, thornless, rose he cut for me in a vase. It isn’t until I turn on a light that I hear him take off into the night and I swear I hear him let out a grand whoop from way up in those clouds.

Permanent Taglist: @fides25, @dissociated-always @crystalferret202 , @kennedy-brooke , @sunshineangel-reads , @lilah-asteria , @evergreenlark , @cheneyq

[ramblings-of-a-detrans-woman]

Why I will never support the radical feminist movement, as a detransitioning woman.

note: this is not meant to be any sort of hit piece or slander, I respect every feminist, even ones I disagree with. This is just my reasoning for why I do not like the radfem movement.

For a bit of context, I’ve indentified as trans since I was 12. At 18, I’ve decided to live my life as a lesbian woman, and i’ve never been happier with that choice.

Now, being a young trans man, I interacted a lot with pro trans content online (of course I did), and so of course I’ve heard about radical feminism. A passionate branch of feminism that takes a unique approach to women’s rights- deconstructing gender entirely. It sounds wonderful in theory, because of course gender is oppressive, most notably of women. I would know, being one. Even when I was trans I had to worry about being out at night. I even got chased once, and a man attempted to lure me to his truck another time. It’s brutal. But radical feminists devote their activism to ending this in a straightforward, logical way.

So why do I, a woman who has experienced both misogyny and transphobia, not support that? I feel that this is a good question for both trans allies and radfems alike to to ask. Knowledge is power.

Well, I’ll be direct. Radfems are some of the most depraved people i’ve ever met. I know, that sounds like a lot, but there’s no other words I can use that don’t perfectly encapsulate my experience with radfems. It’s depravity.

For weeks, I was harassed by transphobic radfems. Radfems, who are insistent on their love and support for TIFs aka trans men. It’s strange then that they would be so cruel towards one, wouldn’t you say?

Detransition is hard enough. It’s difficult to tell family that you were wrong. It’s difficult to reconnect with my gender. Hell, i prefer the term detrans over cis just because i have such a disconnect from my gender. So why do I have to deal with transphobic radfems sending me gore and death threats?

Thankfully all of the accounts doing this seem to be deleted or repurposed. But it’s only a matter of time until a new account is made just to send me an ask telling me to kill myself or a message about how much of a loser i am.

It’s this reason alone why i’ll never be a radfem. They’re just sick people. They don’t want liberation for women, they just hate trans people. It’s not even thinly veiled, their accounts are fully based around how horrible trans women are.

The truth being, trans women aren’t bad people at all. It’s easy to think they are because the news and media cherry picks some of the worst ones, but every community and minority group has bad people in it. some of the sickest people you could imagine, really. yes, they can be trans. but does being trans make you a sick person? does it turn you into a predator? no, it doesn’t. it just means you’re trans. trans or not, it’s up to men to be mature and take accountability for their own actions that they consciously make. a cis man is as capable to walk into a women’s room as a trans woman is.

if radical feminists cared more about women and detrans women, i could consider getting along with them. but sadly, all these passionate and dedicated feminists care about is hating trans people with a fiery passion. and i’ve been a casualty. it’s very difficult for me to sympathize with radfems when they’ve upset me to the point that they have

let me make it clear that gore and death threats don’t upset me, i’m not easily offended. So it’s not the threats that make me angry. It’s just the principle. The fact that radfems are spending their time scrolling reddit for gore pictures to send to fellow women instead of supporting us makes me SICK. it’s heartbreaking to picture a woman, raped and beaten by her boyfriend, and a radfem standing in front of her, readily available to help, but choosing to yell at a passing detrans woman. It’s really sad.

hopefully those reading this can take my words into consideration and use it to improve yourselves or your community (if you’re a radfem). i love womanhood and being a woman and i would love to share that joy with my sisters, but i just can’t when these issues i’ve experienced are in the back of my mind. I want radical feminism to be a safe space, a place where sisters can go to talk to women, relate to women, cry with and support women. but so far, the only love and support i’ve received has been from the trans community. that speaks volumes.

i am going to post more about my experience with finding my womanhood again in the future, so if you’re a detrans woman yourself, trans ally or not, consider following me :) i’d love to build myself a little community

[btnclmrttn]

Romantic Relationship HCs with L (SFW)

In the times when writing letters was the norm form of communication, that's how fast everything moves when it comes to a developing relationship with L. It is not a primary goal and he is in zero rush

Proactive, yes, but shy with it. Keeping you at arms length but with an open hand at the same time. You would need to have an incredible amount of patience while he navigates these unfamiliar feelings over the duration of time you know each other

Undeniably appreciative of your companionship, and will express it daily. Out of everything he has you're what makes him feel most lucky. That he is accepted and loved inside and out enough to be committed to

Does want to get married. On paper. A private sort of celebration. Private as in just the two of you. Supposedly the best dressed day of your life, and he's supposed to share? No

Spares no expense for a honeymoon. Longer than a traditional one, as well. Wants to indulge in his new life with you for a while before the cold water of the criminal world has to hit again

When living together, you have separate bedrooms. Not only is it beneficial in general for couples but his schedule is too radical to just share a room with you.

If he's been that busy and misses you, you'll find him in your bed instead of his own if he has the time of day. Which is not very often. Not even to sleep, just to be surrounded by the smell of you in a comfy place.

He's used to having his way, for the most part, with life. He's a spoiled man. So he will get subtly bratty with you at times when he's lacking affection or something related.

Any household expenses are on him. You quite literally have the option to just, not work. If you want to have something to do or your own money, sure, but he reminds you time and again you can just be his partner and pursue more of your hobbies in life instead.

No social media postings of him. It's a safety and privacy thing. Despises it. It's heavily insecure, he will ramble time and again. About digital footprints and all.

+

No photos taken on phones, or that need to be digitalized to print. You can say you're committed, of course, but he's dead set on the anonymity. Might have an underlying worry of someone harmful getting their hands on you entirely just because of his line of work

Also means he's relatively reserved in public. PDA is rare to none. Lines with his privacy preferences.

You'll be learning a lot of games. Would like it if there was a game you could teach him he doesn't know (Midwestern insert: hit him with euchre)

Doesn't discuss you in particular at all when he's working with others, but he gets a bit of an ego boost when he gets to say he is, in fact, a married man. Since no one seems to suspect it. But your name stays out of his mouth, and anything too specific that could make your identity clear

Fidget wedding band. New stim unlocked. Depending on the type of case he takes on, he might take off his ring to prevent any risk to you. It sours him a little, but it's the way his world is

Disagreements are inevitable and he never takes them too personally. Not someone who yells, he also doesn't like conflict with you, so he will apologize rather swiftly to diffuse things before they start

Even if he's having a busy day, or somewhere he can't see you, he keeps it in his head that part of that day is to contact you in some way so you're not out of the loop and neglected. Maybe he'll have flowers sent to you. Or, in your good graces with Watari, he'll send a message through him. Just so distance doesn't feel cold

As for a family, it would be in his mind often. Early on, he would work it out in his head. How many children would he want? If they were adopted or biological, both maybe. He thinks about it more than he admits. Mostly the thought of you being a parental figure interests him, aside from the successor aspect.

The decision likely wouldn't be made till later. Way later. When you're both older, say 40s or even 50s. He's not bothered by the prospect of being an older father, considering Watari's age and who he is to him. He understands the responsibility and being younger doesn't want to have to choose between a family obligation and the dedication he puts into his work

[bandtrees]

this has always been one of my favorite lines in this scene it’s so striking to me. i think debating over callum’s level of lucidity and what can or cannot “fix” him is deeply antithecal to what the story is trying to express with him - but the idea that callum is still there and still a person who does have the capacity to love mingus, just not in a way she can ever comprehend or accept, because she can't comprehend or accept anything outside her narrow worldview, is sooooo good.

there is no way of actually knowing if callum is proud of mingus, much less recognizes her at all - but it's added to by the fact there's only so much of that she would accept even if he could. ultimately, she wants validation and power, his prestige, from him, she wants a supportive parental figure she never had - there's only so much of that callum is able to provide even in a world where her stint to fix his memory actually worked. he's like a hundred. he never even MET her. to say nothing of all he's missed in the past fifty-odd years. to say nothing of how his age may have messed with his mind deteriorating even without the pre-existing brain damage.

and mingus' phrasing here implies he doesn't even look at her when she visits - which brings me to the visit that radicalized her: the one after her surgery, where he was watching gingi out the window.

obviously, callum watching gingi is mostly for the thematics of it all, how similar the two of them are in ways mingus refuses to recognize, but theres also the thought of... callum's been sitting alone in that room for over half his life, barely lucid if at all. of course he's going to be drawn to a brightly-colored thing making noises and knocking stuff over outside. if he can't respond to stimuli of the people around him he's at the very least going to latch onto something more visually interesting than Brown Wall and Brown Figure.

but it's not like mingus can think of it like that, because she's internalized so much about her grandfather and built up such a specific, personalized vision of him - she doesn't see him as an elderly man with (a fictional equivalent to) dementia, she sees him as President Callum Crown™, the man she personally has to please and live up to the legacy of and make proud, disregarding the fact that's not something he has the mental capacity to even do - because she's so obsessed with validation and complete control that the only way she can get it is by either subjugating others and forcing it out of them (what she does with her townsfolk), or just completely projecting on someone who, for her purposes, is basically a blank slate.

which is maddening to her in its own way, see how crazy she drives herself trying to restore callum's memory in the first place - but also, would she be happy even if callum could see her for who she is? post-game, when she's working on herself, that's an irrelevant question as she's pushed past that need, but as we know her? absolutely not.

i love the ch3 standoff between norm and mingus as a show of "Okay guys let’s see who can dehumanize this disabled guy harder (via pedestal-putting) and justify themselves for it better" and why i think it is so important that it’s gingi who reads the postcard and ultimately speaks for callum instead of either of them, or even the narrator. they can’t read, and they struggle to, but they manage to get it right even when people are telling them to stop. and the fact they’re able to do it at all, are given the chance to do so, and are ultimately the one to wind down this conflict shows that the world of dialtown, while not perfect, really is how callum would have wanted it.

both gingi and callum are some of the most altruistic and human characters ever, and the crux of their parallels is that they are denied this by close-minded people because they happen to Behave Strangely. it's why seeing mingus act the way she does hits so hard - she loves her paw-paw, yes, but if she were to see him in a vacuum, a one-limbed man who can hardly think, much less speak for himself: or even his younger self, who was struggling to make ends meet with his odd inventions...

...well, the feeling norm's imagining here would probably be mutual. mingus' relationship with bigotry is a very fascinating one, she's very close-minded but views certain oddities (ie her flesh-head) as having earned their place and thus being fine - she's a freak too, by her own admission, but she's doing it for a just and wider purpose, so it's fine. which is, ironically, the ideology callum forced upon himself.

callum was obsessed with helping people, pushing himself to do more and more, because it was the only way he ever found respect. if he didn't help people and have grand visions for the world and make himself "useful" to society at large, then what would he be, if not a freak?

mingus and her paw-paw are very similar people, from their well-intentioned extremism, to their stubbornness and paranoia, to their inability to view themselves as anything more than a vessel for that grand cause they believe in (callum in the dialup, mingus in restoring her paw-paw's memory) - which is funny, because if mingus was able to view callum, and herself, as a flawed human person, she would come to understand how similar they really are.

:(

[croquis-el]

Differences in localization and the original pt. 1

I am starting a series of posts with the goal of familiarizing players with some of the differences that localization creates for us in contrast to the original.

Some moments are radically different, misleading and causing controversy, while some do not change the essence of what is happening, but are still noticeably different

Disclaimer: these posts will be written solely for the purpose of familiarization; I do not force anyone to play the game in Japanese, because you are free to choose the version of the game that is comfortable for you. I just noticed some moments and want to share them with you.

The localization of Gyakuten Saiban (Ace Attorney) is essentially good, but there are some moments, IMHO, that I personally would not adapt or change in any way

One of the most serious changes, which, in my opinion, should not have been touched at all, is Mitsurugi's (Edgeworth) phobias.

As if case 1-4 never happened.

In the Japanese version, when examining the files in Mitsurugi's office, Naruhodō will be perplexed about the need for such high shelves - they could collapse during an earthquake.

････おかしいな。アイツ、 地震がニガテなはずだから……

Okashī na. Aitsu, jishin ga nigatena hazudakara……

...That's strange. He's supposed to be bad with earthquakes...

でもさ。地震が起こったら、 部屋中にファイルの雨が降るね。

demo sa. Jishin ga okottara, heya-chū ni fairu no amegafuru ne.

But if an earthquake happens, files will rain down all over the room.

In the localization (for some reason) at this point Mitsurugi was given a fear of heights. For what reason... I don't understand

___________________________________________

Next, another big difference is Naruhodo's food preferences

In the Japanese version, Tomi the clown offers him miso ramen (which is cooked in chicken broth and miso), which Naruhodo refuses and says that he prefers tonkotsu ramen (cooked in pork broth and boiled pork is added to it).

ホラ。ホラ。 食う? みそラーメン。

hora. hora. Kuu? Miso rāmen.

Look. Look. Want some miso ramen?

あいにくぼくは とんこつ派なんです。

ainiku boku wa tonkotsu-hana ndesu.

Unfortunately, I prefer tonkotsu (ramen).

That is, Naruhodo literally says that he would prefer pork, not chicken.

What about the localization? It's the other way around.

The clown offers him a burger (the patties for which are usually made from beef and pork), but he says that he would rather choose a chicken sandwich.

Why?

___________________________________________

Vending machine in 1-3

I have no complaints about its contents (it is adapted), but here another preference of Naruhodo is lost

“お茶”“みそ汁”“おしるこ” “くず湯”“おでん”････

“ocha” “misoshiru” “o shiruko” “kuzu yu” “oden”

"Tea" "Miso soup" "Oshiruko" "Kudzu soup" "Oden" ...

ラインナップが 和風に統一されている。

rain'nappu ga wafū ni tōitsu sa rete iru.

The lineup is unified in Japanese style.

“ウーロン茶”すらないぞ。

“ūron cha” sura nai zo.

There's not even "oolong tea."

In the Japanese version, reading the menu of the vending machine, Naruhodo annoyedly comments that "there is not even oolong tea". He literally names the tea he likes!

In the localization, he is disappointed that the food in the vending machine is too... ordinary, and he was expecting something that is not usually sold there (popcorn).

___________________________________________

Naruhodō University

Case 3-1 is very rich in information about the young Naruhodō, including the name of the university he attended

In the Japanese version, it is Yumei University (the same university where his ancestor Ryunosuke Naruhodō studied during the Meiji era - then it was called Yumei Imperial University), which creates an important reference to Dai Gyakuten Saiban (The Great Ace Attorney)

私の依頼人。勇盟大学の 芸術学部3回生で、 カゼをひいている。

watashi no iraijin. Yūmei daigaku no geijutsu gakubu 3-kaisei de, kaze o hīte iru.

My client. A third-year student in the art department at Yumei University, suffering from a cold.

In the localization, he studies at Ivy University, as if referring to the famous Ivy League (elite universities).

A very good decision that shows Naruhodō's abilities and the high quality of his education (my clever boy)

___________________________________________

Interesting addition

And the last one for today, a conversation with Mask in the detention center

When Yusaku (Ron) tells the story of the allegedly lost vase, Naruhodō makes a comment about the absurdity of his story

(････どうも、ハナシが アヤフヤだなあ･･･)(dōmo, hanashi ga ayafuya da nā)

(... I guess the story is a bit vague...)

The localization decided to make a reference to Naruhodō's education in the field of art, and he compares Mask's story to the surreal paintings of Dali.

A nice addition, but still different from the original version.

___________________________________________

In total, in my opinion, 3 unsuccessful changes out of 5.

If you also noticed any differences - feel free to tell us about them. Let's educate ourselves together.

It will be a bit more difficult with the subsequent parts, because I can't buy the Japanese version of TGAA (it is only available to a certain list of countries), and I don't have the new Apollo trilogy and the Investigations duology to check every little thing (and I don't have an extra $80), and those who record the walkthrough do not always check every clue, where the contradictions lie.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I just wanted to say that the way you characterize and talk about Miguel has actually really helped me with thinking about how to write for him 😭 genuinely I love the way you describe him as an actual like person and not just some sex addict or someone who's extremely distant and cold. I hope you continue writing mild Miguel because it's so refreshing compared to all the other shit I see 😭💕

THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS A MIGUEL SAFE SPACE AND LIKE- CAN I BE REAL FOR A SECOND???

MIGUEL ISN'T AN ASSHOLE YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST MEAN - A.K.A -

My Defense & Evidence of a Milder, Non-aggressive Sympathetic Miguel O'hara.

[This is a half-break down half rant about Mild Miguel, when we see Miguel's true nature, and what fandom gets wrong about him. I have my evidence.

this is shorter than my usual posts but I'm going absolute apeshit Miguel Mode by the end so sorry you have to see that.]

I think Miguel and Hobie are the two most complex characters in the film. Like - both of them equally.

It's just really easy to explain one over the other.

I feel this way because every character we see in the entire movie - Miles, Gwen, Peter, Jess, Rio, Jeff, The Spot, everyone - is forthcoming and clear about their intentions and motive throughout the movie.

When we're watching the movie the first time, we understand Miles motive, and Peter's, and Gwen. In real time. It's there and stated. Miles wants to save his dad, Peter wants to be a better mentor, Gwen just wants peace basically.

But when we're watching for the first time - we have no idea what Hobie OR Miguel is capable of until they do it.

They are the two we're surprised by. (And they're also exact opposites who somehow don't seem to be complete adversaries)

They're the only two within the film who we are left to speculate their motive, their drive, and what they'll do next.

They're the only two in the film who are truly meant to catch us off guard with their behavior.

Leading up to Hobie's big twist, there was a LOT of misdirection. I think the same is true for Miguel...but like..the fandom isn't picking up on the misdirection AT ALL.

I have a lot of ideas and thoughts about Miguel and his character and honestly I think it's the exact opposite of what the fandom sees.

But when its's Hobie, it's very easy to understand him, just read the wiki on Punk and you're good.

But I don't think anyone has look closer at Miguel yet.

I genuinely believe that the reason Miles got away was because Miguel went soft.

He was watching the videos of Gaby to remind himself why he was doing this - why he had to stand his ground, but when Miles started panicking, and begging to know how much time he had left - Miguel slipped up. He went soft.

And he told him 'two days'.

You can see it in Miguel's face when Miles is asking.

That's not the face of a man considering assault. That's not anger. He's wavering.

He didn't have to tell Miles how long he had left. But he did - why? Cause he thought 'I'd kill for two days with Gabby. A lot of people get less warning about death - Maybe he can spend those two days with his fath-'

and then Miles is like 'word?? two days to stop you?? iight im out also fuck yall' - which understandable have a nice day

But like......Miguel wouldn't have said it if he knew it would fuck him over. He didn't KNOW Miles was radicalized cause he didn't know Hobie had spoken to him. He thought that telling him might convince him. If he knew Miles was gonna run - there's no need to tell him anything.

He could've lied and said "I DON'T KNOW. But maybe let's talk about this."

But he didn't. He slipped up.

He's SOFT. Everytime he's mean, or angry - He has to think about it. Like when he looked at Hobie - and thought about it. He has to MAKE himself do it. It isn't natural to him.

Nobody else in the room was gonna answer Miles. Miles wouldn't have known. But Miguel told him two days. And because of that, that specific slip-up, Miles is trying to save his dad.

Why? Because he's SOFT. CAPITAL S SOFT.

Miguel is not a raging monster. Or aggressive. Or manipulative.

He's a guy who thinks he's holding the universe together with duct tape and a kid is in front of him begging to know how long they have left with their father and he tells them and because of that they get away and now everything he worked for is gonna emplode in his face because he had a SOFT SPOT FOR A KID AGAIN AND DID SOMETHING HE SHOULDN'T AGAIN AND TOLD HIM AND NOW PEOPLE ARE GONNA DIE AGAIN BECAUSE HE MESSED WITH THE MULTIVERSE AGAIN FUCK-

Like...yeah- he snapped. A normal person would snap. I've snapped for way less and a lot of other people have.

Granted, we don't go mauling children.

I don't know, I just feel like he's an incredibly layered character.

Because when he's ranting and screaming at Gwen like an irritated school teacher we're already like 'oh fuck you dude but also fuck you ;)'

so when he's right there doing things like this - we don't see it. The same way we don't see Hobie's stealing - because we think we have him figured out.

We don't see Miguel's tenderness.

Because we assume we know who he is - he's cold and aggressive and rude and hates Miles,

but like...is he really?

Miles is getting upset - and the whole conversation leading up to it Miguel has talked to him from a far, hands when Miles can see them. He's not trying to stand over him, or intimidate him. Miguel knows he's scary. He knows how to be scary.

He isn't trying to scare Miles. The exact opposite. He's trying to comfort him.

And when Miles starts lashing out - Miguel is genuinely surprised. That isn't the look of someone who THINKS he's about to hurt this kid.

He's telling Miles, hands up "Hey, sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you." He immediately lets go, backs up.

I just---- FUCK, PEOPLE THE MAN IS STANDING RIGHT THERE THATS MILD MIGUEL LOOK AT HIM

If you really really think Miguel is naturally aggressive, or angry, or cold -

If you write him that way -

I ask that you rewatch the leading up to Miles' escape. Look at his body language. Watch him, and look at his face. That's all I ask.

I just kjsjrghjkSIGHIDDGU I CAN'T STAND FOR THIS INJUSTICE AND EMOTIONAL ILLITERACY

HES NOT A GOOD GUY BUT LIKE....HE'S ... THE ONE YALL ARE SERVING...COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MAN.

He's SOFT. The same way he caved for Gwen after a little pushing. He caved for Miles after a little pushing. That's why he told him two days. SOFT

MILD MIGUEL, SOFT MIGUEL, WANTS TO DO THE HARD THING BUT FUCK HE CAN'T DO IT MIGUEL, HAS TO STAND COMPLETELY STILL AND UNMOVING TO NOT CAVE TO MAYDAY MIGUEL, MIGUEL WHO LOVES PEOPLE BUT KEEPS HIS DISTANCE AND SHUTS HIS MOUTH BECAUSE PEOPLE GET HURT MIGUEL MIGUEL MIGUEL

I'm going to go Miguel Mode.

If understanding Hobie was a house, the fandom is standing out on the road.

If understanding Miguel was a house, the people aren't even in the same neighborhood. We're in the next state over. Other side of the globe. Off base by like 12 zipcodes and 4 times zones

Mild Miguel. Please tell me you're seeing this.

Am I crazy for thinking that the slip up - of telling Miles two days - wasn't out of stupidity but PITY? SYMPATHY?

Because Miguel thinks getting to spend two whole days with some you'll lose is a BLESSING to him - not a curse.

Even though to ANY non-traumatized person - it would be a curse.

...... yo

Miguel stepped into Gabriellas life because he didn't want her to lose a father. He KNOWS losing a father hurts.

So when Miles is there in front of him, talking about not wanting to lose his father - Miguel KNOWS how he feels. Gabby didn't want to lose her dad either.

Miguel UNDERSTANDS. He's a FATHER -

HE KNOWS HE'S BEING THE BAD GUY HE KNOWS ITS WRONG NOT TO STEP IN THATS WHY HE STEPPED IN FOR GABRIELLA IN THE FIRST PLACE THIS ISN'T THE PERSON HE WANTS TO BE OR THOUGHT HE'D BECOME YOU PEOPLE ARE MEAN AND HORNY -

I- I can't even i'm sorry I -

I have a longer post about this in the works like breaking down all of his body language from his moments with MJ and Hobie and like teverything

but ITS NOT EVEN LIKE I THINK HE'S RIGHT I JUST CANT STAND PEOPLE BEING THIS WRONG ABOUT IT I CANT

If you see him as aggressive or cold this post isn't meant to be an attack. I am just down bad for Mild Miguel and I'm going delirious with hunger and starvation for him

#Justice4MildMiguel Maybe I'm huffing copium but also i know im fucking not he's RIGHT THERE

[And if you hate Miguel like hate hate him Moche says dishonor on you dishonor on your cow dishonor your family and your land in the name of Aia Paec Almighty]

If you made it this far....Imsorry you had to see me that way I don't know what came over me here's a picture of Hobie to help me calm down.

(aka Hobie judging the fuck outta me in my head)

I need a glass of water. Bye.

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: how to promote self-love going forward

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: message from your secret admirer

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

you might settle for less because you likely get caught up in the drama and find it fun/addicting in the moment. you pursue goals/ideas with focus, but often lack the confidence to back it up. or you wait too long for others before moving on.

i believe love has taught you that you should never settle too quickly. it is best to date multiple people before starting an exclusive relationship. don't get overwhelmed by relationship drama because it will consume you and ruin your day (but only temporarily because nothing is forever - so why stress?). you know now not to let others stick their nose in your relationships - too many opinions will taint your feelings. the biggest lesson is that you learned to cut off anything that interferes with your desires.

i feel like you are jealous maybe a lot of people around you are coupled and you are alone. be cautious because you don't know when you might ruin your relationships with others just because you feel unhappy with your situation. stop worrying about being judged or how often you are rejected - it doesn't matter you are going to find someone in due time (you are worthy). you are loving, nurturing, and protective.

you can nurture yourself by getting out there. you have been alone and isolated for too long - so get out there. stop refusing to look within for what you truly want. ask for support to get what your truly desire, especially in the social sense.

what i feel you need to hear is that you have a strong energy - you are gifted with the ability to receive what you need most from the universe. don't rush or force things - what is meant for you, will find you. you are passionate, creative, magnetic, and attractive. you are also nurturing and dependable. you are one of the most supportive person in most people's life. you have many things - you attract the world and its gifts to you. you don't settle for less - when something is missing you go looking for it. you follow your heart and instincts; you make room for new things to bring joy/happiness.

pile two

i feel like you struggle with maintaining balance in a connection and that might just be the source of why you settle for less. you get too invested in a connection and then you loose track of who are and what you want and need most in a connection. you often find yourself prioritizing the other person over yourself.

love has taught you that things can change very radically/unexpectedly and cause you to question everything. you have learned that you have to let go of certain aspects in your love life, so that you can make space for new things and even new people can better help you grow and thrive.

i feel like you are sad presently or are in the process of recovering from some sort of emotional pain/disappointment. sorrow doesn't last forever. you are very capable of healing - new experiences await you. not all new experiences are destined for heartbreak - have faith.

you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to succeed in love and be the perfect partner/person. perfect is impossible - so be generous with yourself because right now you are only burning yourself out. to nurture your wellbeing, you should stop judging your productiveness and stop comparing yourself to others - delete social media and take sometime off where you don't have to do anything at all (no doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, etc.). do what brings you joy and say "no" to everything else.

i feel like you need to hear that you are a patient person who realizes that change doesn't happen overnight. you celebrate the small wins with small cute things (for example, maybe you survived a hard week and you get yourself a cupcake). things are getting better so just acknowledge that they are. you can recognize when things have been blown out of proportion or things are being exaggerate for dramatic effect - you are human bullshit detector which is a rare find. even rarer still you have the ability to find a resolution to any argument. you are presently working on not letting other people's expectations of you throw you off of your path. you can make your own path and you know it. you trust that you are capable of standing independently of others, and you are capable of anything.

pile three

i don't feel like you are the type to settle for less than you are worth - i get the feeling that you are slightly cocky about your situation. you might need to practice being humble in a connection because you can come off as judgy or as though you have a superior attitude. alternatively, you might find yourself in connections with people who are very controlling and you might not recognize that you are in that type of connection until it is too late. it is not your fault that you might have settled for less than your worth in the past - you just found yourself in the wrong place and the wrong time and experienced a toxic relationship.

i feel as though you learned that a partner doesn't need to be flashing or exciting instead they need to be stable, grounded, and trustworthy. you have had the flashy connections in the past and it was not the best. you need something more sensual than passionate. something that grows slowly over time so that it lasts.

your intuition is never wrong about the people with interest in you, so learn to trust yourself. you are very emotionally intelligent, so trust that you have the answers you seek about any connection. trust your gut instead of overthinking and overanalyzing.

cultivate your intuitive powers, so you can manifest your dreams into reality. to nurture yourself i sense that you should reconnect with nature and recharge with the the power of the sun. you should also focus on healing any and all blockages that concern your self-esteem/self-worth.

you might need to hear that you are nurturing and dependable. you are one of the most supportive person other's life. you have many things - you attract the world and it's gifts to you. you realize that things can change very radically/unexpectedly and cause you to question everything. you have learned that you have to let go of certain aspects in your love life so that you can make space for new things and even new people who can help you grow and thrive. you know that heartbreak is temporary and that time heals all wounds. you can heal and grow as soon as you believe that you are worthy and that no one wishes to hurt you or your heart. it's okay to be hurt but you have to release that pain instead of bottling it up so you can recover.

[dollypopup]

Penelope treats Lady Whistledown as an identity

I think this is the reason why i have felt so displeased with it, and why so many people have instead resonated with it. Because Lady Whistledown is arguably the most polarizing aspect of this show, and certainly within Polin as a couple, and I believe it boils down to belief: Are you of the mindset that Lady Whistledown is WHAT Penelope DOES, or is it that Lady Whistledown is WHO Penelope IS?

and in recognizing which side of that line you fall on, I think it gives a lot of clarity as to how you feel about her as a character, and how happy or unhappy you are with the ending of Season 3

If you view Lady Whistledown as who Penelope is, that makes it an intrinsic part of her identity. She is a woman, she is a Lady of the Ton, she is a Featherington, she is straight, she is Lady Whistledown. It forms the fabric of her existence, and as such, to release Lady Whistledown is to give up a part of who she is. In the same way my giving up my love for women as a queer woman would be a denial of who *I* am.

However, if you view Lady Whistledown as what Penelope does, then the idea of her giving it up is considerably less dramatic than that. It does not make up her existence, but is a portion of the embroidery that embellishes her as a person. Losing that thread does not compromise the fabric of you, if we want to keep the metaphor. She is a straight woman, a Lady of the Ton, a Featherington, and she WRITES Lady Whistledown, is much different of an identity breakdown.

And I argue that the show should have treated it as such. For many people, they view Lady Whistledown as a direct correspondence with being a writer, but I don't think it is. I think viewing it just as a career is a bit of a disservice, so bare with the comparisons, but claiming being a teacher as an identity and claiming being a third grade math teacher are two completely different beasts. Because then it behooves the question: who are you if you change a grade level? Are you not still a teacher?

Let's take this a step farther, because creatives often see their art as being an intrinsic part of who they are, and not just a career. I know I do. Being a writer and a musician IS a part of my identity, but being a fantasy or a poetry or a spoken word writer is NOT. Because it becomes stifling and limited. 'I'm an author/writer' is an identity, 'I'm a fantasy author' is a specification. Are you not still a musician if you change from piano to trumpet? Are you not still an author if you change from poetry to short stories?

And I think this is where the real disappointment in Bridgerton for me came in. They put Penelope in a box, and told her there was no room for her outside of the walls they planted. And a box can be a comfort, a house turned home, but it can also be a prison. When Penelope told Colin that she could not compromise who she is, and that he would not understand because he is a man, and thus could be anyone he wanted to be- I had to ask. . .why do we view her as being right, here? Would it not have been considerably more radical and beautiful if she came to the realization that viewing herself as Lady Whistledown strangled her growth and creativity? Lady Delecroix spoke of the joy she received in making beautiful clothes for the ladies of her community, but she did not constrict herself into only finding happiness in making wedding dresses, or lingerie, or pelisses. Why push Penelope into a corner and claim it freedom?

To be an author IS an identity. To be a writer is. I won't deny that. But as Penelope came to the understanding that Lady Whistledown IS her, I wish she also came to the understanding that Lady Whistledown is not the EXTENT of her. In truth, I think Colin was right to ask her to give it up, not only for the lack of safety it provided, but predominately because it is not a place of healing and happiness for her. Lady Whistledown grew from Penelope's feelings of being unheard, and it feels as though the show itself did not listen to her.

If you view Lady Whistledown as WHO Penelope IS, then the idea of compromising with her husband on it is asinine. But if you view Lady Whistledown as an aspect of what Penelope does, Colin's pain and desire to see it go to the wayside make a lot more sense: at no point in their relationship did he ever ask her to stop writing. In fact, Colin *loves* Penelope's writing. He has praised it more directly and openly than anyone else has.

Because he has always loved her letters. Colin knew Penelope was who wrote them, and he spoke of how he looked forward to them, and how well written they are. I think, in part, that made it easier for him to forgive her for having read his journal. She'd been gentle with his writing in the past, and that makes it easier for him to open up to her in that sense, as well.

But Lady Whistledown had been cruel. Call it justified or otherwise, call it true or otherwise, but he never asked for her brutal honesty. No one did. Colin asked for Penelope's empathetic honesty, her clever honesty, her poignant honesty. That article she wrote of him at the start of the season was one even SHE disparaged. Colin was not wrong for telling Penelope that he couldn't accept that she was Lady Whistledown, because to him, it is not her identity. It is her craft, yes, but it is not HER, not to him, not until the end.

The problem with this season's ending is that it lacked nuance. It wanted to wrap up in a neat and tidy bow all the complexities of these characters, and I feel it did them a disservice in doing so. Because you could truly argue that, in a way, Lady Whistledown IS Penelope and is ALSO what Penelope does. But in doing so, you would have to acknowledge that Lady Whistledown is a source of pain and a weapon Penelope has wielded, and that intertwined with her very deeply, and that she has to heal from it. What's so frustrating is that, whilst she puts to bed Lady Whistledown as a name, she does not put to bed the gossip she spreads.

And we as a fandom have seen the negative impacts of gossip in our own communities. Just look at how cruel people have been to the actors of this show through petty drama and gossip. Now consider Penelope as the facilitator of such. Lady Whistledown as an identity then changes to Gossiper as an identity, and then latches onto the truer identity of Writer to grant it legitimacy.

I think what the show has done in having Penelope own up to being Lady Whistledown, and then cling on with an iron fist, is a true disservice to her growth. But it was one of the only ways people could easily forgive her. Because in saying 'This is WHO I am' it is an absolvement: there is no blame in being who are. However, saying 'This is what I've done' ensures there is agency in your actions, and thus blame. The show could not hold Penelope accountable to the pains she has orchestrated, and she HAS orchestrated it, so they had to wave it away. Sure, you can argue that she caused a lot of good, but lying to your friends, airing out their secrets, and trash talking them to your entire community is not a painless action. But if these are byproducts of who you are, there is no justification in feeling that hurt. For example, being upset your partner broke up your marriage is valid! Being upset your partner broke up your marriage because they realized they were attracted to a different gender. . .less so.

Penelope treats Lady Whistledown as an identity, because the show thought that was the only way she could be forgiven. But it isn't. Colin could commit acts that harmed others, apologize for them, and be forgiven. Anthony could commit acts that harmed others, apologize for them, and be forgiven.

But this show, through wanting to appeal to a female gaze, also treats us as lesser than. Penelope fucked up. She says so herself. But when it comes time to change, instead of treating her equally, the show says she does not have to. She does not have agency in her actions. It is simply WHO she is.

And that's just not satisfying to me.

[copperbadge]

I was watching hockey earlier today and it got me wondering what sports are played in Askazer-Shivadlakia. Football & surfing’s been mentioned, what else is played in the country? Does it snow enough in the highlands for there to be any winter sports enthusiasts? What’s the state of women’s professional sports? Does the country compete in anything internationally? The Olympics are awful, but does the Ask send a delegation of athletes anyway?

It's not something I've thought a lot about outside of football, I admit, though thinking about the football program has clarified some aspects of it. Mainly I just am not entirely sure how a lot of sports...work, so I kind of stay hands-off.

Askazer-Shivadlakia has never been a super wealthy country. Jason was a bit of a traditionalist and Michaelis was concerned with modernizing but he wasn't an innovator per se, unless pushed; by the end of his reign the country was reaching a point where it had the kind of money to sustain a university or expand its public services fairly radically, but only just. Gregory is a big part of that because he trained as an economist, and while he's only been king for about two years, he's been working in the administration for much longer. He's been able to institute changes that have led to a comfortable surplus in the budget.

So for example, Michaelis wouldn't let the government fund a professional sports team of any kind because the money it would take was already being spent on the youth sports program. He felt that giving kids the chance to play sport was more important than sustaining a team, and said that their athletes were a gift they gave the world. And now that elite players are returning from playing abroad with money and the intention to spend it on supporting a team, his investment is actually, unexpectedly, paying off. Michaelis just wanted the kids of his country to learn self-discipline and good sportsmanship but in doing so he also ensured that if you leave the Ask to seek your fortune as an athlete, once you've got a fortune, you come back home to spend it. And Gregory's work means the government can help.

Football and F1 racing are the two big passion sports the Shivadh follow, though F1 is a fandom, not a pastime. There's decent surfing but that's more a tourist thing. Definitely there are regions that get cold enough for winter sports, but like surfing most of the ski/board sites are tourist-focused, places that ranch dairy cattle in the summer and then host tourists in the winter when the cows are in the warmer lowland pastures. Undoubtedly there are Shivadh snow sport enthusiasts and the country supports them if they compete internationally (both in terms of cheering them on and financially) but there's no program or deep tradition of it. If I ever actually write about those areas extensively that might change, though.

Women's sport has equal support to men's generally, whatever level that might be -- Askazer-Shivadlakia has always been relatively progressive but when Michaelis was elected, Miranda made it her business to push legislation that explicitly protected things like equal funding for women's sport and education and access to birth control and abortion. (She's also the reason weed is legal and Gerald can get Adderall in Europe, where it's banned in a lot of places; there's something to be said for the scion of old conservative nobility who is simply ready to wreck shit.)

There is no golf. Michaelis detests it personally and there's no room for it anyway. If they ever build Askazarama Amusement Park, they might get a mini-golf course.

I don't really know how the Olympics and other international competitions work. If there are talented athletes who want to compete and seem capable of qualifying, there's state funding for them, but there's no formal program where like, the MPs sit down every two years and pick out the top athletes they want to send. Likely most people interested in elite sport competition have to leave the country to train, and represent other countries as a result -- like Paolo in the football novel, who left when he was a young teen to attend a junior academy in France and entered professional play from there.

Shivadh still feel ownership of them, mind you. For example, Felix (the love interest in the football novel) played on the Italian national team and kicked a winning goal in a World Cup for Italy, but Askazer-Shivadlakia consider that cup theirs. A Shivadh did it, ergo it is a Shivadh victory. If an athlete were to say, represent France in an Olympic decathlon and take the gold, they would consider that to be a gold medal for Askazer-Shivadlakia.

The country is very excited about finally having a football team of their own. Shivadh Royal Football Club could lose every game it ever plays and still nobody would let a word be said against them. Fons-Askaz on match day is just a sea of hideous orange Shivadh RFC jerseys that say NARAN JUICE on the front. (Their major sponsor is local juice box and sports drink maker Naran Juice Box Co.)

[sirenpearldust]

Mating bond - part two

series masterlist ⋆ part one

Pair: Azriel x Reader

Word count: 738

Warnings: Angst

Azriel had consistently felt fatigued, but the last couple of days robbed him of any vitality.

His body and soul were broken.

A numbness and sense of lifelessness dominated his days.

His family immediately noticed his stark decline. He was a shell of himself, empty.

Morrigan and Cassian attempted to coax him into joining them at the pleasure hall. Rhys recognising his exhaustion, granted him a break, urging him to savor some well-deserved vacation time.

Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie extended multiple invitations to their tea time.

They questioned him why he had ceased to train them.

He would ignore everyone.

Immersing himself in work, he sought solace and attempted to drown out his troubles, striving to forget.

He empathised with Lucien’s despair, he felt guilty.

Despite the strained golden bond in his chest, he couldn’t ignore its presence.

Mates had always been a sensitive topic, a distant dream for him, out of reach.

Witnessing his brothers’ happiness with their mates fueled his jealousy.

In his own delusion, he entertained the idea of three sisters for three brothers, boldly proclaiming that the mother had made a mistake in pairing Elain with Lucien.

He wanted to defy fate until the day he’d met her.

On that heart-wrenching day, his shadows were nervous, radically erratic.

In an attempt to clear his mind, he strolled through a park in Velaris, where he spotted a woman playing with a cat.

As she turned, a sudden silence enveloped him, the world pausing, and his heartbeat turning erratic.

She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, radiating a glow akin to the Sun, utterly ethereal.

He wanted Feyre to paint her, to capture her on canvas, desiring to preserve her image. He longed to keep this moment eternally etched into his mind, and in his room - a cherished memory for him to love and appreciate.

His once erratic shadows now calmed, humming, and began gravitating towards her.

His Wings spread wide in a display for his female.

Azriel found himself rooted in place, overwhelmed by the immense power of the bond. Profound happiness and contentment settled in him as he realised he had finally found her.

Some shadows nudged him, urging him to move closer to her.

She casually swept her hair over her shoulder and he found himself captivated by her.

He observed her carefree and playful demeanour, playing with the cat.

The warmth of her laughter reached him as he drank it all in.

As she turned around and noticed him, her smile faltered and her eyes widened in horror.

Their souls connected, he felt the terror coursing through the bond, awakening, a primal instinct to protect her.

Shadows multiplied, assuming positions to eliminate any perceived threat, only to realise she was afraid of the singer.

Azriel froze.

“No,” she muttered.

“No! No! No! This can’t be,” she cried, sobbing loudly.

Tears fell as she screamed for him to leave her alone.

Shadows flew towards her, flinching at first, at the unfamiliar feeling on her being, she eventually let them comfort her.

They sang to her, soothing and wiping away her tears.

Azriel stood heartbroken, alone, no shadows in sight.

The pain he felt mirrored his childhood - rejection, loneliness and a sense of being unwanted.

He wondered whether she was rejecting him personally or simply harboured fear of Illyrians.

Tucking his wings tightly against his back, he approached her, his voice softened, “I’m not going to hurt you. You don’t have to be afraid.”

As he spoke, she calmed down and he slowly raised his hand, gently, cupping her cheek.

She leaned in, nuzzling into his hand, not disgusted by his scars. His wings enveloped her, providing the shield from the world.

For a fleeting moment he felt a sense of happiness, thinking they had made some progress. Maybe she just really was afraid of Illyrians, not him.

Rubbing her back, pressing her against him he felt content, fulfilled. He breathed her in, wiped her tears and kissed the crown of her head.

Closing his eyes, he sighed in relief, but then she pushed him away.

“ I can’t - I can’t accept this, I can’t accept this bond.”

His stomach turned. He felt desperate, his world crashed.

“What?”

“I have feelings for someone else.”

Taking a step back to avoid making her afraid, he felt a surge of possessiveness, a buried primal instinct awoke.

He asked, voice cold, “Who is he?”

Who dared to have her heart?

Who dared to take her from him?

She took panicked steps back, and before he could reach her, she winnowed away.

Main Taglist: @bubybubsters

Mating Bond - Taglist: @sidthedollface2 @bubybubsters @esposadomd @fightmedraco @cat-or-kitten @thisblogisaboutabook @stqrgirlies-blog @thegirlintheshadows101 @azrielsbabyg @bunnyredgirl

[crucialplayer]

How to piss off/annoy each zodiac sign

!! everything is based purely on my experiences with signs, written with no other purpose than to share my observations and be unserious.

Virgo. Draw attention just for the sake of it. Deliberately skew the facts and don’t pause to let them correct you - you are a powerhouse and nothing can stop you from saying the most dumb shit ever. Remember to do it unapologetically too.

Capricorn. Be unemployed. Don’t be ashamed of it. Imply that life without a purpose and a goal is just as valid. Express no will in achieving things and present it as something not only reasonable but admirable. 

Taurus. Anything ugly will do. Considering that they are picky as fuck almost everything is ugly to them. Make them put in effort, burden them with some kind of task. Make them move when they don’t want to. 

Sagittarius. Tell them they are wrong. Say something like «yeah but it’s just your personal experience not a fact». Invite them to a party full of monogamous judgmental married couples with kids. 

Leo. Don't compliment them esp when they’ve visibly put a ton of care into their fit. try to Be louder than them. Compare them to someone they don’t like. Be the one person in the room that doesn't give them attenti- oh wait that’ll actually make them fall for u nevermind. 

Aries. Be indecisive or timid. If you are in a group setting slow everyone down by requiring some form of emotional support. Tell them they are not capable of something. 

Cancer. Deprive them of comfort. Be pushy or rude unprovoked. Make plans with them that are nearly impossible to cancel. Don't let them rant about something that has upset them. 

Pisces. Don’t let them sprint off immediately when faced with minor inconvenience. Give them realistic feedback when they are sharing their dreams and plans with you (might cause a minor heart attack. be careful). Any kind of office-job-like task will also do. 

Scorpio. Insinuate that they are flaky. Keep the mood light-hearted. Bring up the topic of open relationships. Be the one that is faster to start talking to that one shy and mysterious person in the room. 

Gemini. When they are telling a story, ask them to be specific and precise with the dates/names/circumstances. Talk to them for some time and then test how well they’ve listened to you. Show no signs of being impressed by them. 

Aquarius. Trap them in perpetual small talk. Talk about the pick me phenomenon in their presence. At a party invite someone who has more piercings than them. Make everyone talk about that one super popular TV show.

Libra. Give them only Yes or No as answer options. Ruin the flow of a conversation. Be very radical with your opinions. Make them choose a side in an argument. Dress as tacky as you can (and flex it).

[gatheringbones]

[“When I first came out as a lesbian in 1971, identity politics were so pervasive that this modality didn’t even have a name; it was simply the sea in which every queer sank or swam. One of the key assumptions of identity politics is that we can reveal in one grand social drama of coming out the absolute inner core of truth that makes up one’s “real self.” Coming out is seen as a process like peeling away the layers of an onion or the petals of an artichoke. Identity politics also assumes that your political allies will have to be people who share your identity because nobody else could understand your oppression or really be committed to fighting it; that people who share some aspects of your sexuality but not others are either afraid to come out or traitors to the cause; that it’s not possible for someone to change the way they label themselves without being dishonest or cowardly.

Now I see queer politics quite differently. I know from personal experience that I can’t trust somebody just because their sexual preferences or their gender identity resembles my own. I know we can make allies who are indignant about injustice even if it does not impinge directly upon their own lives. I see coming out as a lifelong process that proceeds as I become ready to understand and accept aspects of myself which bear lessons I need to learn at different points in my life. Each new coming out does not recreate me as a whole new person; I think some people view it this way, but this is crazy-making and too compartmentalized for me. It’s more like being able to see each and every spoke of the wheel that makes up my being, or like opening up and furnishing another new room of my soul.

I wonder what coming out would be like if we were not forced into these defensive positions of tribal loyalty and us-them thinking. What if we could say to a friend who was embarking on a new coming out, “I love you, and so I must also love this new aspect of yourself. Because I care about you I want to know more about it. Let’s both learn from this.” Instead, what usually happens is a great deal of indignation, betrayal, and rejection. I think this is because a person who is coming out threatens the identities of former acquaintances, partners, and coworkers. If someone else’s identity can be fluid or change radically, it threatens the boundaries around our own sense of self. And if someone can flout group norms enough to apply for membership in another group, we often feel so devalued that we hurry to excommunicate that person. This speaks to our own discomfort with the group rules. The message is: I have put up with this crap for the sake of group membership, and if you won’t continue to do the same thing, you have to be punished.

We seem to have forgotten that the coming-out process is brought into being by stigma. Without sexual oppression, coming out would be an entirely different process. In its present form, coming out is reactive. While it is brave and good to say “No” to the Judeo-Christian “Thou Shalt Nots,” we have allowed our imaginations to be drawn and quartered by puritans. I believe that most of the divisions between human sexual preferences and gender identities are artificial. We will never know how diverse or complex our needs in these realms might be until we are free of the threat of the thrown rock, prison cell, lost job, name-calling, shunning, and forced psychiatric “treatment.”

I do not think human beings were meant to live in hostile, fragmented enemy camps, forever divided by suspicion and prejudice. If coming out has not taught us enough compassion to see past these divisions, and at least catch a vague glimpse of a more unified world, what is the use of coming out at all? I have told this story, not to say that anybody else should follow me or imitate me, but to encourage everyone to keep an open mind and an open heart when change occurs. The person who needs tolerance and compassion during a major transformation may be your best friend, your lover, or your very self. Bright blessings to you on the difficult and amazing path of life.”]

patrick califa, from layers of the onion, spokes of the wheel, from a woman like that: lesbian and bisexual writers tell their coming out stories, 2000

[sansculottides]

Maximilien Robespierre was executed on July 28, 1794, or the 10th of Thermidor in the Republican Calendar. A conventional textbook may mark the end of the French Revolution with Napoleon’s coup in 1799. But Ralph Korngold, Marxist historian, wrote:

“No one man creates a revolution or carries it on, but the currents of revolution may sometimes range themselves in such a manner that the fate of one man becomes the fate of the revolution itself. ‘We did not realize,’ said Cambon, ‘that in killing Robespierre we would kill the Republic.” (From Robespierre and the Fourth Estate–the “fourth estate” here referring to the budding proletarian class of the time. Korngold gave particular attention to Robespierre’s role in the attempt to enact the Ventôse Decrees, the most revolutionary laws proposed during the Republic which would have expropriated the wealth of counter-revolutionaries to be redistributed to the propertyless.)

Napoleon’s ascent ten years after the start of the Revolution only marked the final stab in a Republic that was already good as dead. The death of Robespierre and his allies was the death of the Revolution’s radical aspirations, and allowed the propertied men to fully take charge. Though I also appreciate the sentiment that we can also mark the Revolution’s end a bit after Robespierre, with the death of Babeuf, the “proto-communist."

Anyway, what I really wanted to do was talk about a phenomenal short film that came out this year (on Robespierre’s birthday), “La mort de Robespierre” by smileyfaceorg/Janelle Feng (who has done so much amazing art about Robespierre and the French Revolution).

The film focuses on the night before 10 Thermidor, before Robespierre’s forceful arrest. This historical episode has been depicted before, in various ways. In the 1989 movie La Revolution Francaise, Robespierre had gone insane at this point, an interpretation that fed off of years of black propaganda. In Feng’s film, Robespierre is depressed, remorseful and self-loathing, an interpretation that does have its footing in historical record. In the months leading up to his arrest, Robespierre was frequently sick from the mental exhaustion of running and defending the Republic.

Mental health isn’t a new thing, though we have admittedly only recently begun to be articulate on the subject. Mental health amongst revolutionaries isn’t new either. Even Lenin died of sickness likely compounded by the stress of protecting the Revolution’s gains. In the 1871 Paris Commune, the commune council was “a working, not a parliamentary body [but] executive and legislative at the same time,” which allowed members to fully dedicate themselves to the cause of building a socialist future, but also burdened them with a punishing workload with little room for rest, and the mental exhaustion that naturally follows. I’m sure every person in any radical movement knows the weight of the struggle, but that’s one reason why it must be a collective effort.

At one point in the film Saint-Just looks at the 1793 Declaration of Rights on the wall and comments “To think we made that.” It’s another historically-rooted moment, as there was at least one eyewitness account claiming he did something like that on that night. I think the presence of the 1793 Declaration also ties the film in with the radical tradition of interpreting the Revolution. The ‘93 Declaration was more egalitarian than the initial 1789 Declaration, signed off by a pressured Louis XVI and also the one more textbooks would remember.

I love the use of comic elements too. Comic devices in film would make me think of stuff like Spiderverse or Scott Pilgrim where it’s fun and wacky, but in this film Feng uses comic devices to contract and expand space and time to an introspective yet claustrophobic effect. Especially the scenes where panels surrounded by negative space hint at Robespierre’s inner turmoil. It works really well; comic elements can work like poetry, after all.

I love stuff like this, art that is rooted in history (with quite scholarly rigor) while also aiming to go beyond academic scholarship. You can’t quite explore things like emotions and human experience the same way you can through art. Art like this film looks at historical facts and tries to fill in the gaps. How did they feel about this, what kind of effect did it have? And it explores how these historical people and episodes were human. More importantly, it does so with empathy and purpose, keeping in the “spirit” of the historical figures depicted. If you truly read Robespierre, you wouldn’t give in to lazy portrayals of a mad dictator. In contrast, Feng���s short film shows so much care and attention for this person in the past.

I’m so happy that someone like Feng is making art about the French Revolution. Most of the films, novels, games, etc that come out about the French Rev usually just follow the boring, very liberal and mainstream narratives, and calumnies about Robespierre being a dictator or various other kinds of monsters (not true). Korngold wrote about this too: “The Red Terror appears unpardonable to the Whites, and the White Terror to the Reds. Carlyle penetrates closely to the truth when he says that the reason the Reign of Terror during the French Revolution has received so much scathing comment, is mainly because it was directed against the privileged classes and their followers and not against ‘the voiceless millions.’”

Like the rest of history, our interpretation of the French Revolution exposes the undercurrents of ideology, conscious or not. Our ideas of who should be in power, who should be listened to. Ultimately, it did end as a revolution of the budding bourgeoisie, but before that defeat, there were revolutionaries who imagined and fought for a new future for all. Not just a political revolution, but a social and economic one. We should remember their revolutionary example. There is a reason, after all, why the Soviets held the likes of Robespierre, Saint-Just and Marat in high regard.

[dolche-tejada]

Round 7 : The Duality of Qin and Hades

I don't think there was any other round conclusion that left me that confused at first. I mean... why did Hades died so tragically when he was fighting for his family and to honor his dead brother's memory, motives that usually tend to be some huge green flags in those kinds of mangas ? And then I realized the answer was right there : Hades was doomed to lost like this precisely because he was fighting for the honor of his family. To understand what I mean, you had to take a look at Hades and Qin as characters

Let's begin with Hades. He is at his core a tragic figure and this well before his actual downfall. From the moment he's introduced into the plot, Hades is defined above all through one thing : Duty. He's one of the most feared and respected gods of Valhalla, someone on which everyone rely and the Ruler of Helheim.

And this is his tragedy because Hades does not assume the responsibilities and duty that come with his status, he endures them and lets them define his entire life.

His whole language is always axed about how he has to do this or how he can't lose that just because that's who he is, never because that's his own choice.

Hades has no desire to avenge Poseidon. He's emotionally exhausted (look at the bags under his eyes), he admitted not having fought for a long time and more importantly : He damn well knows that Poseidon couldn't care less about being avenged. But he has to fight anyway because it's his inherent duty as an older brother, his vow is part of who he is.

He wasn't supposed to fight in the Ragnarok and didn't even want to kill Qin against whom he hold no real grudge. Quite the opposite, he even comes to sympathize with him and admiring him. But he still chooses to fight without hesitation since it's his duty as a god and king of the Netherworld. He can't lose against a mere king of men.

And that's where Qin comes in.

His introduction actually sums him up perfectly : We see him making his own way by breaking through walls into the gods' VIP lodges instead of waiting in his room ; he ragdolled Ares who tried to force him to leave ; and when Brunhilde asks him to follow her to the entrance gate, here's his answer

This is his core character : Qin doesn't care about traditions and expectations. He doesn't follow the path that is expected of him, he traces his own road (literally and metaphorically) and makes no compromises with anyone, whether they are gods or humans.

When confronted to Chi You, a tyrannical demon god who oppresses his country and people, Qin doesn't resign himself to accept it like previous kings did, he actively fights against this status quo and forces it to bend to his notion of duty

It can be long (his fight with Chi You literally take six days), it can be painful but this is how he proceeds and that's his greatest source of pride. He's not defined by his status as king, he's the one who defines what it means to be one

This is an essential component of his backstory and Round 7 writing. When we meet Qin as a child, he's the radical opposite of the one we know : He doesn't try to impose himself as a person and rather immediately conforms to the expectations of those around him.

Chun Yan scolds him for not acting like a child should ? He forces himself to act as such to satisfy her. His guards and the locals of Zhao use him as a scapegoat for the people they've lost ? He apologizes and endures hatred and excruciating pain because that's what is expected from him. That he passively endures

You know where I'm going with this : Little Qin is basically Hades' foil. Both represses their feelings to conform themselves to duty and exterior expectations, which make them utterly miserable (which isn't that apparent for Hades yet but I'm coming to this).

However, Qin grew up from this through his meeting with Chun Yan, which made him realize something that will forge him into a king

A lesson Alvitr will also remind him at the end of his fight by asking him to say clearly what he wants when he started to doubt of himself. Something to which Qin just answered : "I want to win... No matter what !"

One wants to win because he has made a promise from his own will, the other has to win since his vow define him.

Because Hades never learnt that lesson and always suffered from it. I've seen a lot of people praising him for how cool and badass of a big brother he is in his backstory, for wiping out a whole army of titans to protect his siblings but imo this is just sad. Instead of talking to his family about this threat and trying to find a solution together, he immediately assumes that he has to deal with them alone, even tho he knows that they are too much and he might actually die.

And when Poseidon asks him if everything's okay, he isn't even able to ask for help or just look at his brother when he's lying to him

But miraculously this time he managed to win this battle, thanks to his trump card : Ichor Eos. An ability that highlights how self-destructive Hades is when it comes to protect his duty and family. To activate this trump card, he has to hurt himself and bleed. Fulfilling his duty literally requires from him to sacrifice himself.

And despite this, Hades still insists that everything is fine afterwards. No matter how heavy his burden is, he will never be defeated because that's what the world expects from him

Except he did. Sadly this time, his burden was too heavy and he got destroyed in the process. Hades died and not even in a satisfying way. Just compare with the others fighters' death :

Lu Bu died feeling joy for the first time in his life, happy to finally fighting an equal

Adam lost with a peaceful smile on his face, knowing that he did his best to protect his children

Poseidon was bitter in his last moments but held on to his pride until the end

Heracles remained faithful to what he is and inspired Jack to become a better person

Raiden had the best sumo fight of his life and vanished with the woman he loved

Zerofuku finally got to be happy too

Nikola gave the most wholesome speech ever known to Mankind after making science evolved once again

And Leonidas was proud, having proven that Sparta will always be the strongest

But Hades ? Nothing of that

In his last moments, he was convinced of having let his family down and being a failure as a result, apologizing to them for this just before disappearing forever under their eyes.

And the most painful part of this is that Hades was the only one to see himself as such. The members of his family may have admired him for his strength and his willingness to make any sacrifice for the honor of gods but they still loved him first and foremost as a person. Adamas was ready to throw away his own pride as a god (the thing Hades literally died for) by killing a crippled half-dead Qin for winning in a fair fight. Hermes composed a requiem in his memory and Zeus was both heartbroken and sorry to hear his last words. He knew his brother had nothing to apologize for but realized that the latter didn't.

At the end of the day, Hades didn't lost this battle of kings just because Qin was stronger. He lost because Qin was the better king and learn to find worth in himself rather than in what people expected from him, while Hades let his responsibilities consume him throughout his whole life.