#they just got the unfriended movies on there too like what is the point of living

[tibby]

tubi banned screen sharing

[sweaters-and-vertigo]

i said the people who worshipped it and were obsessed with it have no taste. there’s big a distinction between someone liking a movie and being obsessed with a movie. i like the babadook but i’m not obsessed with it. the fandom that arose from those movies was obnoxious and annoying, probably not a coincidence. i’m not trying to control what people watch, i just hoped we could talk about those movies honestly now 😂 i mean, did i say “you shouldn’t watch that because it’s bad”? no. i said “it’s bad and the unironically diehard fans somehow can’t figure that out”.

but i never said they can’t or shouldn’t enjoy it. like i said to clown lover, more than once i think, i enjoy shitty movies all the time. it’s fun. but i’m not gonna pretend like they’re a masterpiece of cinema and shove them down everyone’s throats. like night swim, the new blumhouse movie. that movie is hysterically bad. and it’s so entertaining, because it’s meant to come across as well written and terrifying but it’s just so bad.

anyway, that’s how i feel about the IT remakes. they’re truly awful but the few times i’ve seen them, i did enjoy them. because of bad they are!! kinda like the original one. i prefer the original one because it’s more subtle and the characters feel less generic. but it’s NOT scary. and sometimes i laugh at the parts of the movie that are clearly supposed to be scary.

i guess… my real problem with the IT remakes isn’t even the remakes themselves. i mean yes, they were so disappointing because how on earth do you fail to make a stephen king remake scary and well written? all they had to do was copy and paste with better graphics and special effects. but once i got over my disappointment, i had no problem with them in general. they’re bad, it’s fine, what’s the big deal.

well actually, i think mike hanlon’s character was good. but other than that, not much to sneeze at.

it’s something about the fans of these bad movies that were just so annoying to me. maybe it’s because they wouldn’t stop praising such a big box hollywood film that did not deserve so much of their attention? especially when there are so many better, smaller films in the horror genre that get almost NO attention?

do you want more queers in horror? try bodies, bodies, bodies or midnight kiss or even unfriended: dark web. that last one is sooooo corny but it’s pretty great. and the lesbian relationship is really well written. do you want more black main characters in horror? try the candyman original and remake (damn THAT was a good remake) or pure or ma. i’ve heard that the invitation is good too. also the entire flanaverse applies to both of those categories, and it’s so well written and so terrifying. also the interview with the vampire television series? queer, black, poc, sapphic, gay, well written, scary, fun, lowkey underrated.

like… let’s just put the IT remakes aside for a second. actually, put all the overrated, badly scripted, unscary horror aside for a JUST second. you don’t have to throw it away!! and then we can watch something that is so frightening and diverse and well written. a horror movie that actually deserves a huge fan base. a horror movie by artists and filmmakers who actually deserve an audience!!

i’m so sorry i offended you, clown lover. honestly. but you were kind of… irritating. i got the impression that you were maybe a 13 year old kid because you kept telling me to stop criticizing the IT remakes, and then i did stop specifically for you, and then you just kept commenting about how good they are on my post. so that felt like you were kind of proving my point about the fans of these movies. but anyway, i’m sorry.

i’m gonna say something controversial. the IT remakes are god awful and not scary for shit. they completely over did it with the gore and neglected the writing. the characters and the plot weren’t compelling at all. i was bored the whole time i watched. they’re so overrated and people who were obsessed with them have no taste.

[acompleteunknown2024]

hiiiiii baby :) thoughts on glee, stonathan, unfriended dark web, and....me!

hi sexy ummm okay lets go!!

thoughts on glee: ummmmm well. we've only gotten part of the way through season 2 but every time we watch it it just does something unimaginable to my brain (see: the dream i had where i was turned into darren criss and got beat up by an old man and to try to defend myself i yelled "you don't know who you're dealing with! i'm darren criss! i was on glee!") like it's the televisual equivalent of hooking up jumper cables to your brain. like even riverdale i can sort of handle because it passes the threshold of too much going on to understand but glee is like still on the level of "regular" teen drama or at least it appears to be that way and it's like just standing before the border of the land of "i've given up trying to understand this" so like you're still sort of trying to wrap your head around it all the time but you literally can't. anyway i love watching it with you but also it makes me feel like i'm inside a washing machine a little bit which is why it's good that we're just kind of microdosing it these days.

thoughts on stonathan: oh man what could have been......they really did set them up to be friends only to go wait nevermind actually and have them never speak again huh! i think a real moment of reckoning for me about what a loser life i have and also what a bad situation i was in at that time was somewhere around summer 2019 we were talking about them and like making up all the lore and i was like genuinely getting emotional and then i was thinking like "i want what they have" except i was literally in a real life relationship and the "they" in question were two characters that only speak to each other in our minds and i remember i was literally like wait holy shit my relationship is awful.....over STONATHAN. anyway i will never be as invested in them as i was then but they'll always be how we became friends and i owe them so much for that <3

thoughts on dark web: truly the riverdale of movies. like everything ever happens in that movie i think like like it or not it's the most interesting movie of all time. also i think the plot of it is absolutely going to happen to our friend group like it's really just a matter of time at this point the question is just who our matias will be (avery probably)

thoughts on you my beautiful wife who i love dearly: i'm going to be very cheesy here but to be fair you're the one who gave me the opportunity so this is on you. i think our friendship is such a fascinating case study in just like the insanity of social media connections because like i was so close to never following you ever and you know this but i did NOT like you when we were first mutuals and yet here we are like if you went back two years and told me "you know that person from tumblr who you do not like at all? yeah you're going to talk to them every day to the point where you experience genuine withdrawal if you go too long without talking" my brain would have exploded. genuinely you know how like in the final scene of whms when he says "you're the first person i want to talk to when i wake up and the last person i want to talk to before i go to sleep at night" like straight up that is how i feel about you and on a lot of days that does actually literally happen. like straight up i'm at a point in life where i don't imagine my future without you somewhere in it like when i talk about the cule house i am barely even joking. i love you so much and i'm so grateful for the time you've been in my life and i know we're going to be friends for a very long time. also i said this yesterday but the second they open up australia just expect me at your door the next day because i will simply be showing up

i'm not proofreading any of this so some of these sentences might make no sense <3

[the-nope-train]

i’m gonna vent bc i feel like no one will see this anyway... i will title this “i hate long distance” and also “i hate people who can’t take responsibility for something they know they did wrong”

so basically my LDR boyfriend is really good friends with my ex-friend...

we’re all a distance from each other and i introduced her to all of my friends in my discord server and apparently my boyfriend and her got along really well. 

they ended up playing a few games together and listening to music together for hours in my discord chat which kinda bothered me at the time and what felt bad about it is he was so invested in everything she was saying whereas he’s literally told me he doesn’t care about something i said or he just says “oh” and sends a shrugging emote. i’ve told him before that when he says he doesn’t care it’s hurtful, so he stopped, but i recall him saying, “i’m not going to say i don’t care because you’ll get mad,” just to imply that, yeah, he didn’t care. don’t get me wrong, he’s not always saying it, but he doesn’t ask what’s going on in my life anymore. 

anyway, that night, i told him like hey i just kind of feel like u don’t care. i didn’t mention my friend because i didn’t want it to seem like i was just jealous; it was genuinely an ongoing issue and that was my breaking point. well... he got mad  ignored me for 3 days instead.

in that 3 days, he spent more time with my ‘friend’ and she told someone that they had played animal crossing for 6 hours while listening to music together in HER server that she made. a server she didn’t invite me to. she actually made two of those, by the way. what was weird about it is she deleted a whole channel with them talking together and no one saw what they talked about. she claimed the reason was that it was just spam messages. 

so i confronted her the next day and was like hey it just feels kind of weird that ur spending so much time with him and not once did u check on me (she was told by 3 different people that i was really upset about everything) and i was like “it would just be nice if u were more open about it” and she agreed and said she’d stop talking to him until things were okay between us. she tried to say she wouldn’t be his friend anymore, but i told her that i want them to be friends, but that i want her to be transparent about their friendship. the next day, my bf (who still wasn’t talking to me) was in my discord chat listening to music and she immediately started texting him in the channel and then that night my friend sent me a screenshot of them talking and she was asking my bf to play games w her again and he said something about his sleep schedule being messed up and she said “i hope it’s not my fault” and he goes “yeah i’ll blame you” and that also made me really upset bc she wasn’t even following through with what she told me hahahaha

so, i just unfriended her. i talked to my bf about everything and he took her side (of course) and was saying i owed her an explanation. he said she doesn’t think she did anything wrong and that she did what i asked (no, she didn’t). so, a week later, i gave her an explanation. i wrote a page and a half of everything that went through my mind and she said, and i quote, “i don’t think i’m a good influence on either of you, but i’m still going to spend time with him, and i’m not going to apologize because i didn’t intend for any of this to happen. i think your reason for being upset is crazy and i don’t trust you on my social media anymore. i don’t intend on getting close to either of you though. i think you’re just upset because he didn’t talk to you and talked to me instead.” the best part of this was when she said “i don’t think i have to tell you when or if i spend time with him.” okay, sure. spend all night talking to my boyfriend while he ignores me, when you’re supposed to be MY friend. yeah, that’s cool. anyway, she then proceeded to unfriend everyone from my server, except my boyfriend, and i have since blocked her. 

my boyfriend showed me a screenshot yesterday of his discord and the only other chat was her and some other person he met through her. so, i know they still talk quite a bit. i’ve noticed recently he’s been using emotes she uses a lot and once ‘accidentally’ sent me a text that i know was meant for her (it was regarding art, which is what she lives and breathes). i also noticed that he follows her on instagram now. so much for not getting close to him i guess?? 

ever since this happened, my boyfriend has been extremely distant. he’s always spending time alone. he doesn’t say i love you. he doesn’t show affection. says “maybe” or flat out says no to doing things together. i confronted him about this too and all he says is “i’m just like this, you get accustomed to a lot of attention in the beginning and then i focus on myself.” he didn’t have much to add because apparently i was laying out too much for him and it was giving him “a headache” trying to tackle every issue i brought up. he said it’s valid and that he understands how it would hurt me, but that it’s just how he is and that he can’t help some things (ex. he can’t call me anymore because it’s hard to do that living in a small apartment with parents, which is fair). but... after that discussion, he literally didn’t talk to me for FOUR days and claimed it was because he’d be sleeping off and on. i told him... i saw you online? he said that he just leaves discord open. that’s funny, i didn’t know discord statuses could change themselves. he said that if it mattered so much that i could’ve just messaged him again and ask him myself. i asked him why i’d do that if the last time something like that happened he ignored me. he asked what i wanted, and i went to town talking about how he needs to be as good at communicating as he expects me to be, and i went on and on. all he did was say “okay.” bullshit.

i don’t get why he needs more time alone when we’re already miles apart and don’t even do half the things we used to together. we’d spend all day watching movies, shows, videos, calling each other, playing games, drawing, telling stories... and now it’s hard to even have any real conversation with him. yesterday i asked if he’d be interested in watching this movie with me and he said no. i cried. i don’t even know why i cried. but i realized... it’s because if it were the person he was, he’d have said yes and said “anytime.” but he won’t do that anymore. not for me. 

it’s worse that one of the servers my ex-friend made was for minecraft and i’d been asking him so much to play with me and we only played once together and he’s been avoiding it ever since. he just doesn’t want to play it with me. and i KNOW it’s not because he doesn’t like minecraft anymore bc he’d tell me when he was playing by himself. so it’s either he likes to play with her or he likes to play by himself, maybe? i know that’s not even a big deal but jesus fuck

i’ve been drowning in sorrow for the past two months over this. and yet, i don’t let go.

[rylredrants]

Pandemic, Politics & Personal Life

I just broke up with my best friend of 5 years. 

She supported me through three major breakups in less than a year, showed up for moves, meltdowns, and meals. We treated each other as sisters, and to me it meant “I love you even when I don’t like you.” There are things about her life and beliefs that I just flat out don’t like, but I compromised and allowed room in my life for those differences.

She is a devout Christian. I’m a card-carrying member of The Satanic Temple. She is married to a border patrol agent, and has repeatedly said that having children separated from their parents at the border is a consequence of their actions. I’m horrified that there are children in literal chain link cages being neglected, assaulted, and traumatized in a way that is simply unthinkable. She reminds me that Obama built the cages.

When her step-child came out as non-binary, she had a meltdown over the fact that she had always wanted a daughter and now the kid is asking to be called by a masculine name. I’ve worked with PFLAG (Parents and Families of Lesbians and Gays, the local LGBTQ+ support network) and done education about gender, sexual orientation, and alternative relationship structures where I emphasize the privilege I have as a cis, straight woman (who personally embraces traditional gender roles).

I compromised and allowed room in my life for some pretty big ideological differences. But this year has changed everything.

When the pandemic began, I was living alone for the first time ever. Her home was my home. I cooked in her kitchen, co-hosted her gatherings, brought my laundry to her house rather than use the machines in my apartment complex. I fed her cat when she was on vacation. I had the code for her front door, and at times “shopped” from her stockpile in between shopping trips. We went grocery shopping together the last 2 times I was in a grocery store.

Her husband crossed a line with me after I allowed a loosened boundary in our relationship, and I did my best to not take it out on her. But when we planned ‘girl’s night’ and he decided to call out of work and be at home I hated being there. It became a problem but being me, I felt it better to sidestep things than be direct because I knew that the damage would be irreparable and I didn’t want to end our relationship. I was compromising my own comfort in an attempt to keep the peace.

When she got a head cold and cancelled a laundry and Masked Singer night, I felt abandoned. But I knew it wasn’t personal and I just let it go. When I came over and found one of her husband’s other partner at their house, I felt like my quarantine bubble had been invaded and there were suddenly more risks than I was okay with. 

She replied by trying to rationalize things like who that outside partner was in contact with, but I stopped feeling safe there. I felt like I’d lost my second home. But I didn’t speak up.

She had to go back to work (in retail) but she insisted that she always wore her mask everywhere because she knew how I felt about it. Then she told me that she had plans to go to a local Republican meeting of some kind. She’s always known my view on the politics thing, and this year the Republican Party has proven to be the bigger of two evils by miles. 

She said, “Please don’t disown me” knowing that the political thing may be big enough to possibly disown her.  

I relayed the story to my ex-husband. They used to hang out and go to movies together, but he always knew about the differences in our home and hers. He felt the same as I did about things. A little while later, he shared a picture from the Republican event and there she was naked faced in a small room full of senior citizens. He was horrified. 

I was that much more certain I’d made the right choice in not socializing with her in person.

One day, after a couple months without hanging out she messaged me saying that local COVID numbers were down so “Can we be friends again?” 

But that’s not how this works. Local numbers go down, people stop being diligent and then numbers go up again. It’s exactly what’s happened all over the country this fall. I was not going to be one of those people, but I agreed to do the video chat thing.

Her birthday rolled around and she messaged me upset because her husband had gotten the wrong kind of cake. My immediate reaction was to check my pantry for cake supplies and make plans to bake her a better cake and drop it on her porch the next day. 

We set up a time to have a video chat the next morning… much earlier than I’m typically up and coherent but she’s an early bird in general and I was making brunch for my boyfriend and his son later that morning. I got up and sat at my desk for over an hour with my messages unread. She finally messaged me about how sideways her morning had gone and I did my best to not take it personally. I didn’t bake that cake.

I went to Mexico for my birthday in October. It was the first time I’d been anywhere since the pandemic began. The first time I’d been to Mexico, first time I met my boyfriend’s mom, and the first time I ate in a restaurant in months.

In Mexico, people were wearing masks everywhere. They had footbaths in every doorway where someone took your temperature and squirted sanitizer into your hand before you crossed the threshold. I felt safer in Mexico, terms of COVID exposure, than I felt anywhere at home.

The day after I got back, she video called me in hysterics. She sobbed that I’d gone to “dirty, nasty Mexico” but wouldn’t have coffee with her after she’d “begged” me for months. She went on about how low the local COVID numbers were as a way of saying that I was being overly cautious by staying home like I’ve been. 

She was in a hotel room at the time. 

She and her husband were on an anniversary trip to Las Vegas, having flown threw Phoenix. They were about to head out to a cigar bar. But the local numbers! Seriously.

Today I got the message asking if we were still best friends. I softballed a lot of it, but it ended with her saying “whatever” and that she wouldn’t take responsibility for my choice to abandon her without telling her how I’d felt. And she unfriended me on Facebook.

Part of me feels really shitty. I’ve been processing this feeling of grief and loss of that relationship for months. It’s been exhausting. But if I’m being honest, it’s a bit of relief that it’s over.

I’ve been questioning if I was justified in my stance. 

Were these differences so big that they couldn’t be ignored anymore? Am I over-reacting and cutting one of the last people in my life out that I called my family? Or have I just gotten to the point of exhaustion where I simply don’t have the emotional bandwidth to keep overlooking and compromising my own beliefs?

It feels like the latter and as much as it hurts, I know that’s been one of the tales of 2020 that’s being repeated over and over again. The stakes have gotten too high to compromise or minimize some things. 

It’s all too serious to just live life like there’s not a deadly pandemic. Like there hasn’t been a total upheaval of our political system. Like those of us who stay home and mask up when we don’t have a choice, forgoing all the things that were “normal life” like anniversary trips, restaurants, community theater… all things she’s been doing, unmasked and unaffected all year.. we are the ones that are over-reacting. Nope. I’m not going to be gaslit like that. 

Wear a damn mask, people!

Stop putting your need for a haircut or brunch ahead of the reality that people are dying en masse and suffering long-lasting damage because people can’t be bothered to put a piece of cloth on their face when they go grocery shopping.

There is no reason for people to be making the pandemic political, but those who do only add to the personal impact it has on all of us.

I’m exhausted.

[purplesurveys]

867

All About the Letter U

Animals I Like: I don’t know if I have a favorite U animal... Foods I Like: ...and I kinda feel bad because I’m listing some U animals in the food question instead, oops. I like uni (sea urchin), unagi (freshwater eel), udon, and ube as long as it’s in cheesecake. I Know Someone Who’s (jobs): Ushers in church. It’s not a legit job, but it’s all I got heh. I Wouldn’t Mind Visiting: Utah, Uzbekistan, and Utrecht. Sometimes I Feel: Unhappy, useless, uneasy.

Music I Listen To: Up Dharma Down, Unique Salonga. Movies I’ve Seen: Under the Skin, Unfriended. I’ve also seen the first few minutes of Up, but surprisingly I didn’t find the movie appealing and never finished it. Maybe I need a rewatch because mine is a very unpopular opinion and I’m tired of people shaming me for switching off the TV while Up is on, lol. Names I Like: Una, Uma.

And now, onto the random questions! 1. What time do you get up in the morning? These days I get up at 7, 7:30ish because the pup will start whining by then. I definitely slept in a lot more during the early weeks of the lockdown. 2. Have you ever wanted to learn how to play the ukelele? Oh man all the cool girls played ukulele in high school so it was definitely a fad that I eyed. I was quick to realize that I wasn’t gonna be any talented in any kind of music, so in the end I preferred to watch and listen to my friends play. 3. Have you ever ridden a unicycle? I haven’t but that’s also because I’ve never seen one. My reckless side will definitely get on it and try to pedal, even if I don’t even know how to ride a bicycle to begin with. 4. Do you like unicorns? There was a brief phase when I found them cute, as most teenagers do. I even went to a unicorn-themed café at some point. But the phase faded quickly. 5. Do you live in an urban area? I don’t even know how to describe it. My village is situated on a highway, and our position in that highway is right smack in the middle of the urban and rural area. If you go to the left you’re headed for Manila, and if you turn right you’re on your way to the province, and I honestly find it convenient haha. 6. What makes you unhappy? Encountering things that trigger me, being yelled at, being hungry, if a dog doesn’t like me, low grades. Lots of things make me sad but these are the first things my head reminded me of.   7. Have you ever played ultimate frisbee? I’ve played with friends for fun, but I’ve never joined a legitimate game. We just get in a circle and do throwing and catching.

8. Would you ever want to travel into the unknown? If I can be assured that I won’t be hurt then sure. 9. Do you work for a union? No. 10. What would happen if you saw a UFO? Probably dismiss it as a weather balloon or something. I’d still take a video though because weather balloon or UFO, it’s still an unusual sight. 11. When does your hair look the most unruly? When it’s humid it gets very frizzy. 12. Do you/did you stand up for others when they got called “ugly”? I’ve never seen anyone be called ugly to their face, but I would definitely call the bully out. Especially at the age we’re in now. Not that it’s any less important when we were kids, but it’d just be so childish if I hear someone calling another person ugly at 22??? 13. Were/Are you required to wear uniforms in school? Yes. White blouse, plaid necktie and skirt, white socks and leather shoes, and only red, white, or black hair accessories every weekday from 2002 to 2016. 14. Do you have a name that is unisex? It is actually :) I thought it was a curse as a kid because of how much I got bullied, but I warmed up to it as I got older.  15. How often do your sneakers come untied? I’d say once or twice a week. 16. Which types of utensils are in your kitchen right now? Off the top of my head... large and small spoons, large and small forks, knives of varying sizes, spatulas, cake server, rice spoon, tongs, cheese grater, chopsticks, measuring cups, and there’s a bunch more I’ve never used but I see regularly because my chef of a dad would use those too. 17. How many uncles do you have? Too many. Where I live, any older guy that you have some sort of a relationship with counts as your uncle, or tito.

18. Do you live in the United States? Nope. Have tons of relatives who do, though. I sometimes feel like we have more family in the States than we do here, in our actual native country lol. 19. How long can you hold your breath underwater? I haven’t counted in a while but I usually win among my cousins and friends when we played it as kids. 20. Do you wear the same pair of underwear more than one day in a row? I don’t think so. I always change every day. 21. When was the last time you were under the influence of anything? Around two weeks ago when I downed a whole bottle of strawberry soju in like half an hour because I was sad. [a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[readingsbycat]

I realized you guys literally know nothing about me so I figured it's about time I make this post.

About Me:

I am a 25 year old, solitary, eclectic witch. I do not refer to myself as a psychic, I prefer to be called a diviner. I have been offering free readings across multiple platforms (Facebook the longest) for 2 years and 7 months now (as of July 2020)

My dream is to one day open my own metaphysical shop. In my town we have 0 metaphysical shops and the closest to one is extremely expensive (to the point we prefer to drive an hour to go to our favorite shop).

I have 1 brother, 3 nephews, a niece on the way, a bichon shih-tzu mix, and a black cat.

Facts:

I'm asexual

I'm only 5"4'

I'm disabled

I'm Agnostic

I have ADHD

I have epilepsy

I have Asperger's

I'm hypoglycemic

I'm mixed (black & white)

I have a learning disability

Yes, I did have a job. I had to quit in 2018

My fiancé is Jatch93 (NSFW) & his side blog is FeedJayMore (SFW)

There's a lot about me that people don't know. I want you guys to feel like I'm an actual person you can relate to, not just someone to get a reading from. 😊

If you are diagnosed with anything on this list, please know that you have nothing to be ashamed of, embarrassed about, or anything. You are absolutely perfect. ❤

My disabilities:

Degenerative disc disease (causes chronic neck and back pain).

Arthritis in both knees from falling on ice & landing on my knees.

Interests:

Music

Horror

Reading

Video games

Divination & spell work

B-movies (especially 40s - 80s)

My favorite movie genres are horror and comedy. I like very few musicals & I kinda hate Disney movies. There are very few Disney movies I can sit through; ironically, my fiancé loves Disney.

I absolutely love Asian horror (games & movies). Horror, Simulators, FPS/TPS, RPG/MMO (mainly MMORPG but I do like a few MMOs too) are pretty much the only games I play.

I hate sports games (WWE included. I enjoy WWE PS2 games but the 2K games I can't get into) & racing games (I like midnight club for PS2 and Crusin USA for N64).

For those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about:

RPG: Role Play Game

FPS: First Person Shooter

TPS: Third Person Shooter

MMO: Massively Multiplayer Online game

MMORPG: Massively Multiplayer Online Role Play Game

Currently owned consoles:

PS2, PS3, PS4, Xbox One S, Nintendo Switch, 3DS, PC (I know, not technically a game console, but I love PC gaming).

We used to have a Sega Genesis, NES, & SNES but my mom (my dad died when I was 9) either sold them or they got lost during the move. I had my N64 until high school but I donated it & all of my games (I know it sounds bad but worst decision I ever made; I regret it every day).

If you would like to play games with me, I have to get to know you first. I will unfriend you if you constantly request me to join your lobby (I typically enjoy playing alone, but I will play with others), blast music or scream into the mic, use the N word or become obnoxious in general (hence why I like playing alone).

PC gaming: Steam & Epic.

Please do not follow me if you are anti LGBTQIA, anti autism, or show any kind of hate, bigotry, racism, or prejudice.

[thenightling]

Running a Gothic Horror Facebook Group during the autumn... (Not as pleasant as it sounds)

I’m getting kind of annoyed at the behavior of some (not all, obviously) people in my Gothic Horror Group on Facebook.  It seems every year around October I get an abundance of new members and that’s great.  It’s the Halloween season.  That’s when people feel spooky.   But then come late November I find myself having to thin the herd.

First there are the creeps who think Goth girls are easy.   One man who had been friends with me on Facebook for a few years decided now would be a great time to flirt with me.  On November 3rd he sent me the message of “I am a Gomez without a Morticia.”  I suppose this is kind of sweet and makes clear the sort of romantic / Gothic relationship he’s seeking but I chose to pretend to be oblivious at what he was hinting at.  

Yesterday that same man saw I had uploaded some new photos of myself.  As I live in a deadzone I don’t have a functional cellphone so the camera I use to take photos of myself is attached to an old laptop.  The best lighting in the house is in my own bathroom so that’s why the photos aren’t exactly great.   And why so many of my photos look similar.

However this “polite” and “Friendly” man decided to message me with “I noticed you wear the same dress and pendant in all your pictures.”  Well, for starters.  I’ve never taken a photo of myself in a dress.  I’m sure someone has one someone but I’ve never loaded one to Facebook and it would be at least ten-years-old.   I just like a particular style of shirt and often wear dark colors or black.  In fact the Shirt I was wearing in the new picture was less than two months old.  Also a few of my photos have me wearing a garnet pendant.   Others wearing a pentacle.  So no, not even the same pendant in all my pictures though I do admit I wear my pentacle often.

Needless to say I was angry.  How Could I not be?  He thought he was being polite and friendly.   Gee... And you wonder why you can’t find your Morticia...

I chewed him out and he apologized and told me a weird sob story about how he was abducted by his mother and her boyfriend at age twelve with only a TV as his window to the outside world until he was eighteen so that’s why he has such poor social skills.   Despite the utter unlikelyhood of this I chose to give the benefit of the doubt and forgave him.   He asked me to post on my Facebook wall that we were cool now.  And that made me lose it again.  I wasn’t quite not-angry anymore so I went off on him again about how his statement hurt me.   So he decided to “unfriend” me until I calm down but chose to haunt the groups I run anyway.   I had him removed. 

Then there are those who criticize EVERY slightly off topic post.  “How his this Gothic Horror?”   Well, how about YOU find some actual Gothic Horror content so I don’t have to supplement with scifi, fantasy, and comics.   Also most of what they bitch about not being Gothic Horror actually IS Gothic Horror.  I had one member insist there’s nothing Gothic in Buffy The Vampire Slayer!   (TV show, not movie.)

Then there was the “white knight” who decided to argue with me, insisting that Beauty and the Beast is Stockholm Syndrome and that it’s “dangerous” and “stupid” to believe people can change because it’s akin to condoning a violently abusive relationship because he might change.  Even though I had gone out of my way to repeatedly say I don’t believe anyone should stay in an abusive relationship though DO believe we are capable of changing ourselves as individuals.  There is such a thing as personal growth.  Even changing your mind about something, admitting you were wrong, is a form of change.  

Well, after he called my views stupid and dangerous I ultimately removed him but then his friends (all of them, also, male) came to his defense and how I should respect his opinion, that he has a right to his opinion.  Opinions are like preferring chocolate ice cream to strawberry.  It’s not getting away with calling the group owner stupid and dangerous for liking Beauty and The Beast and believing we can better ourselves.  If we stop believing people can change for the better, we might as well stop believing we can grow.   If you decide you’re not a good person but don’t believe people can change, where does that leave you?  It leaves you with a mindset unwilling to even try to improve yourself and become a better person.   We have to believe in change, for our own sakes.  

 Next we come to the spammers.   Not only did I gain new spammers but they had blocked me and the other admins so I had to pull out my “secret mod” and give them temporary admin power to remove the person.  You see, when a spammer blocks an admin we cannot see what they are posting.  This is a very unfortunate and dangerous security flaw on Facebook.

Someone else (who actually was a horror fan) thought it was a good idea to block me, probably because I was “posting too much” ON MY GROUP!

Then there was the person posting links to a pro-suicide group, not realizing I could translate the non-English text that described what the group was about...  (How were they getting away with this on Facebook!??)

Someone else with a  “Dark sense of humor” was posting some off color things.  I scolded him. He decided that “For the sake of the group” he’d leave.   I hadn’t booted him, I hadn’t told him to leave.  He decided to do it himself.   THEN he sent me at least TWO private messages about leaving the group and hoping the group would be better off without him.  I told him he was over reacting over something minor and he said “Funny, I felt the same way.” And proceeded to heavily hint that he wanted me to ask him to come back.

NO!  You leave, that’s your own choice.  I don’t beg anyone to stay.    Especially someone I barely know on my own Gothic Horror Group.

Then we go over to my Horror comics group where for months I had to deal with someone’s “off color” sense of humor and “dark humor” about deliberately ruining the childhoods of modern kids (by letting their over-zealous mothers keep them away from Fairy Tales and Disney princesses as “sexist” because it’s “Funny.” This is something I’m strongly against.  I do not agree with keeping kids from fantasy or classic literature just because cultures have changed).  Meanwhile if I post ANYTHING at all from Channel Awesome or The Nostalgia Critic, from a review of Blade or Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight he would go on a tangent about how EVIL Doug Walker is and bring up that stupid Cancel Channel Awesome Manifesto, in some righteous rage.  SHUT UP!  I don’t care!  He’s never wronged me or anyone I know and I don’t automatically assume guilt in any situation!

Finally I got fed up and removed this member.

And then there’s a friend, a friend who is in both groups and who I let get away with posting one too many of his anti-SJW / “progressives” rants (he uses the quotation marks, not me).  Saying things like he hopes all progressives die, to which I have to remind him yet again that I AM liberal only for him to suffer an apparent medical emergency so I feel bad for yelling at him.   EVEN THOUGH His “Hahaha suck it, “progressives!  Hahaha!” (about the Joker earning a billion dollars) was in both groups and attracted angry political zealots from both sides of the spectrum.  And I had to remove those people too!

It turned out his “Progressive” post had become the sample post when anyone searched for “Horror comics” so people leapt to conclusions about what the group was about.

And though on another group this is worth mentioning.  Someone on a group I’m in posted a funny meme about someone correcting Dracula’s pronunciation of “Vant” into “Want.”   Someone else chimed in by telling him it wasn’t funny because the REAL Dracula would just tear out the person’s throat and only a pussy Twilight vampire would care about something like that.  

I pointed out that in the Dracula novel he does care about his pronunciation and wants to sound English.  He even uses this as part of the excuse to keep Harker in his castle. I also broke it to him that the mindless predatory vampire of things like 30 Days of Night were also the result of Twilight in a phenomena I call the polarization of the pop culture vampire where you get one extreme of the pretty boy vegan who hates what he is or the mindless predator.  Dracula is neither.   I happen to like the Frank Langella version of Dracula from 1979 because he was predatory yet romantic.  He liked what he was yet he was charming.  He could rip out someone’s throat while also being charismatic.  There should be a balance.

Instead of realizing he was mistaken he accused me of being an OFFENDED (he used the caplock there) Twilight fan who was “Triggered,” called me a snowflake, and went on a rant about liberals.  Thankfully most of that group (a Universal monsters group) came to my defense.  There were a few that assumed he was right because they seem to immediately react to things like “lol Triggered!” to mean (without even looking at the content that the person must be wrong.       

So if you’re wondering why I’m so high strung and in a bad mood lately when I’m checking my own facebook groups, yeah... This is why. 

[namelessstoryteller]

I'm not like her other friends

Recently got a message from friend I'm calling Linn. Linn was my first friend when I started High School, and I made friends with Anna and Joe, who were her childhood friends, and a chick I chatted to in homeroom named Freda, who was Linn's bff.

Two events started the downfall from me getting kicked out of this group. I felt like a taxi driver while driving Linn and Freda around on Halloween, and mentioned to Linn, hey I don't like being a third wheel afterwards. So whenever she brought up hanging out with Freda, as I was the only friend with a car, I always rejected it. The second was I brought us tickets to Impractical Jokers, our fav show that was touring in our town that year. She agreed to pay me back the 70 over time. This was the only time I ever asked her for money in the 6 to 7 years of friendship.

Linn never had much money so I hung with her and brought the tickets, the food, and the events. I hung out with her because I could always make her laugh and loved our shared interests.

However, turns out everything that was said, was shared between Joe, Freda, family, and others. I got a bf and wanted to ask her yknow girl/perverted questions, I wanted a conversation about this stuff with her as we been friends for years and I only knew her attempts at relationships. I made her feel uncomfortable with this open conversation. I apologized but I learned this was shared with everyone and I was a bad friend for not noticing the signs.

A group chat was formed later on, with Joe, Freda, Linn, rando, and a chick named Iris. I knew Iris but I really don't know what side she was on throughout this whole thing, she had conversations with both of us and sent me screenshots from Linn, so I suspect she did the same for Linn. I made a comment, like "what up b*tches" and that fucking broke Freda. Apparently I hated her and it was aimed at her. And Im insensitive (which is a bit true but I have said worst, and Linn brings this up a lot later on).

I wanted an overnight hangout for spring break, I invited Linn, Joe, his gf, Anna, Iris. Linn knew I smoked and drank, but due to the friend group, I was never planning on bringing those items along. They didnt know I only invited them, my bestie, and a HS friend. Only Iris ever drank. Only my bestie smoked.

After hearing no, I gave up and just went to the hotel with my best friend and our HS friend. I had a good time playing uno. But Linn asked to hang that night and I told her I was doing this as I had planned a long time ago.

Apparently I got blocked from the friend group (i had it muted so I never noticed), i only noticed when I got invited back and saw the messages.

"That's so messed up of you S to leave one of your real friends whose been there for you" said iris.

It been planned for a long time, it was even planned with everyone in mind.

"I don't wanna start anything bc she'll just try 2 play the victim lol" "I don't trust her with alcohol and weed. But now I kinda don't trust her with a lot of things" "I mean if you look how Savannah grew up, you see why she is the way she is...." "I didn't like her mom the moment I saw her"

No, I had party friends and a pothead cousin. The mom comment is because my mom smokes cigarettes and Linn hated the smell and called her mom to leave my house. And I moved to my grandparents years later.

"She's reckless and tbh I'm sorry to say this but she is also kind of a hoe" said Joe. The same guy who wanted me to sleep with him when I had a bf for over a year. And he even said if I slept with him (while having a gf) that he would put in a good word. Linn agrees "I only want to find a bf and sleep with him. Not sleep with the whole town"

"Ig when I hang with her again I don't want drama but I have 2 talk 2 her maybe steer her on the right path maybe she's secretly sad. And puts her pain into weed and drinking"

No, when Im sad, I talk to you or my bestie, but then that gets shared to everyone so I stopped talking to you about my feelings.

I don't remember when this happened, but I made a comment about her oversized bra as she had tiny chachas. My mistake. Everyone has body issues, and that was hers, and I spent an hour apologizing as sometimes I do run my mouth. I just felt like the bra didn't mean much if it wasnt padded, but just there for air for her body type.

Through months of talking. Getting mad at each other. Stopped talking. Unfriending each other. Of how Im not like her other friends. We agreed on a movie. I sent her a msg at 10am asking if 10pm was a good time to go see a random movie, she read the message. I never got a message back until 9pm saying she was ready. I told her, dude message me sooner I thought you ignored me and got ready for bed. And she got mad I didn't tell her I got ready for bed while she was prepared to go out. I said it's a movie we can reschedule, it's too late to drive to her home and movies especially when it's opening night. This, of course, got her mad. I said Im sorry for the miscommunication on my part.

I heard back from her 3 days later, 4 days before the Impractical Jokers. "Are you still taking me to Impractical jokers?" At this point, I'm over these issues and her so I finally stood for a battle.

I replied, "Linn, how things are looking like right now, probably not. And I don't really feel bad since it wasnt paid." I told her I didn't want to because she more focus on the tickets when we still had last arguement.

She had 5 dollars, I told her at least 25 (not even half the price but it was something) or least try to pay me in small amounts. She said she was saving up for something so 15 at most, and I repiled like you tried saving up for these tickets.

She said "Ur like my only friend who wants me 2 pay back a concert ticket. Everyone else has brought it out of just being nice. But I did agree to pay back $70 which tbh is too much. So I said $15 but Idek bc rn I have $5" "U want me 2 ask ppl hey can u give me money bc my friend wants me 2 pay her back 4 a concert? They aint gonna do that Bc they're gonna say that's ur friend's problem"

It's your problem, Linn. Not mine.

She said this should be her bday gift, and when I brought up how much I spent on her throughout the years, she said "you never had to and Plus u should kinda do that out of being a good friend not do it 4 money btw....but now ik not 2 ask u 4 shit bc ur gonna want me 2 pay u back 4 it. I wouldn't want u 2 pay me back but that's just me 💁💁"

She msg me on my phone. Went through the cycle of her saying hey I can make payments now, and me saying it's too late since I already invited someone else, "Im money hungry/i never apologized", she had family issues and is broke, stop bringing up things in the past she already apologized for (when she brought up things I apologized for). How she kept me as a friend, how loyal she was, when all of her friends and family told her to drop me, who knew every single bad detail about me, every bad secret. Yes, this came up a lot during our disputes. Even when I told her I didn't care what her friends thought cuz I wanted just us talking.

I thought we liked to hang out together, but maybe it was just me who enjoyed those times. She always wanted someone else there. Anna, Iris and Joe I was okay with just in small amounts because of gas. Plus, those guys never had money either and I can only pay for so many. Maybe I was her friend because I had a car and okay with spending money.

So yes, I'm the bad apple. I've been living with the same guy for the last two and a half years, clean from weed for the last one and a half (bf told his dad he would stay clean, i only smoked because i was always offered some by others), drinking once a month.

And then Linn messaged me on my bday, happy birthday we should hang out with anna she misses you!

Uhuh. Sure. Maybe someday.

Sorry I had to rant since apparently I always saw myself as the victim. I did fuck up with the uncomfortable questions and bra comment. I felt I had these conversations with my other friends, so why not with the friend I had for the longest. But the movie ticket, like come on seriously?

Tl;dr toxic friendship turned bad, got witchhunted by my "friends" and money hungry for a ticket I brought.

[leejeongz]

Stray Kids reaction to their s/o being scared after a horror movie

😋thanks for the ask boo I hope you enjoy!😋

Bang Chan:

That night Chan fell straight to sleep. The one night you needed him and he was already asleep, how could this be? Everything began to get too much and you started to cry. Chan wouldn’t wake up, you couldn’t undo the door since your hands were sweaty and your phone charger had broken, much like the things that happened before the person was murdered on the film you watch. You sniffled louder than expected and Chris stirred slightly, turning over and pulling you in closer to his sleeping figure. He kissed your forehead unconsciously and even though you knew he was asleep, you still felt connected.

“I did what? In my sleep? Yeah I guess I am a legend”

Woojin:

The film ended and the tv screen went black. The only light in the room was Jeongin’s huge smile which soon dimmed when he also realised that complete darkness had fallen. You slowly sunk into the chair as your shoulder brushed further and further down Woojin’s arm, Woojin not realising until you were pretty much curled into a ball on the floor. Chan turned on the lights and revealed a worried looking Woojin staring at your fear struck figure. It didn’t take long for him to figure out that you scared and wrapped his arm around you and smiled, using his now partially free hand to tickle under your chin while using the other to brush your hair out of your face.

“You’re scared y/n? Aw you’re so cute sometimes”

Lee Know:

Minho teased the hell out of you all night. You didn’t even want to leave the room without him. He even had to go upstairs with you and wait outside the bathroom door while you got ready for bed. When you got into bed however Minho completely changed. He apologised for all the teasing and pointed out numerous times that it was just a film and even if it was real, he’d be there to protect you. He flexed his biceps before tucking his arm under you head and pulling you close enough for him to kiss the top of your head. He smiled as he pulled away and started to giggle slightly.

“Hey even though you didn’t shower tonight, you still smell good, how do you do that, baby?”

Changbin:

This wasn’t the first time you’d watch a horror movie with Changbin and usually you enjoyed them, this one was just too much. You lay in bed that night, no skin contact with Changbin since it was real hot yet fearing for your life even though the ghost was only on the film. Changbin noticed you were getting closer and closer to the wall, covers almost making your face disappear and brushed his palm against your arm to grab your attention. Scream may not be the right word but screech definitely was. He looked over at you as you shot out of your skin and tried to contain his laugher, failing as his air filled cheeks exploded while he went to hug you.

“I’m sorry sweetie but that was priceless”

Hyunjin:

Whenever you got scared, Hyunjin would always just laugh. Mainly because he didn’t really know what else to do. This time was different. You were shaking far too much and you barely moved for about an hour. He turned from laying on his side to onto his stomach while throwing his arm over you and turning his head to face you. He asked if you were okay multiple times and with no response he sat up right and pulled you closer to him. He drew patterns on your bare skin to make you feel more comfortable and gave you enough kisses to last a life time.

“It’s okay honey, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, I’m here for you whatever it is”

Han:

Jisung’s hair was REAL fluffy especially when he washed it in the evening and towel dryed it. He threw the towel on the floor and left it (that’s disgusting Jisung pick it up the room will stink.) That night you lay in bed listening to the sounds of Jisung snores thinking of the horror movie you’d watched that day. You weren’t properly watching it but you remember something about leaving babies at strangers houses? Maybe? A sudden thought came over you, what if there was a baby in your room? You saw the towel... baby shaped and shook Jisung to tell him. “Someone has left their baby Jisung like that film I watched today.” He sleepily got out of bed and picked up the towel you pointed at. He playfully threw it at you and started to ruffle his own hair while watching you fight with the damp towel.

“It’s literally just a towel y/n, your the only baby in this room. My baby actually”

Felix:

When you watch the film at the cinema, you were scared. During the drive home, you were scared. When you got home, you were scared. Luckily that night felix was staying over so you felt a little better than you probably would have done, but the downside was he was staying in the spare room. Hours passed while you were trying to sleep, yet no luck. The face of the deceased girl kept popping up every time you closed you eyes and you couldn’t cope anymore. You made your way into the spare room where Felix lay wide awake, struggling to sleep too. He pulled up the covers and whispered for you to get in before someone wakes up. Being in his arms all night was the most comforting thing ever.

“Safety first y/n hehe”

Seungmin:

Perhaps the worst horror movie of the century, unfriended, played in the background while you completed your weekly maths homework. You always put a film on in the background for a little noise and of course, to occupy seungmin since he was clever and did his homework the night he got it. That evening you lay in bed alone when suddenly, screen caps of the movie flashed before your eyes. Only little snippets that you’d seen when you flicked your head up to look at what the noise was. You texted Seungmin right away and he called you straight after that. He calmed you down a lot, just from hearing his voice mainly. He sang to you too which was heavenly. Of course a call without Seungmin wasn’t complete without one smart remark.

“But that’s what happens if you cheat on your boyfriend I guess, night babe love you”

(ignore Hyunjin what a cuddle bug)

I.N:

Jeongin wasn’t fond of horror movies either but there was a great uproar about a new film on Netflix that you “had” to see according to your friends. You both sat on the couch at 2pm and finished the film, still sat in the same positions. Sure the film was good but not too scary which was the most surprising thing when you went to bed that evening and couldn’t sleep. Telling your family that you were afraid of a movie character was not going to happen so instead you called Jeongin. He apparently felt the same way and asked if he could come over which you gladly agreed. When he got there you pair didn’t stop hugging till day light.

“We will never ever watch a scary movie ever again, agreed?”

Gifs aren’t mine

[professor-spacecakes]

3: Ever had a terrible breakup?

I’ve never been in a proper romantic relationship, so none in that sense. I’ve had a really terrible friend break-up though. It’s a long story, so I’ll put it under Read More.

They’d approached me as a fan of one of my fanfictions and we ended up playing Overwatch together nearly every night. We got to be fast friends, and they even helped me start taking commissions for the first time, since they were an artist themselves.

Things were going okay for a while. They opened up to me and I tried my best to open up to them. They claimed to have a number of mental issues and I tried my best to be as supportive as humanly possible. I changed how I spoke for them, omitted certain words and even entire subjects from my vocabulary. I dropped everything and talked to them whenever they asked me to.

Unfortunately, they didn’t seem to afford me the same consideration. It started to unravel after I started streaming our Overwatch games for a while. We garnered a small following and decided to open up a Discord server for the fans. This friend of mine made it, since I barely knew how to use Discord at the time. After a little while, this friend grew uncomfortable with the discussions on the server and, without warning to anyone, just deleted it one night while I was asleep.

In the morning I found out about it from a post they’d made on tumblr that simply said they wouldn’t be joining in the streams anymore. I messaged them to ask what was wrong, and they said they decided dropping out of the streams was for their mental health and that they nuked the server. I remained calm, said it was okay, and merely stated that I would have liked for them to talk to me about it beforehand. They said “Why? This has nothing to do with you,” and I was just like… It kinda has everything to do with me? It was strange, since they had a habit of practically asking permission to do things when it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Honestly, looking back at it now, them saying that was probably a back-handed jab at me for saying they don’t need to consult with me on every little thing.

Anyway, that discussion sort of devolved into an argument. I said I was a little upset by what they’d done, because they always said I should let them know when they’ve done or said something to upset them, since they’d done that to me countless times. I’d always apologize profusely and promise never to do the thing again. This was the first time I’d gathered the courage to very calmly and politely raise my own concerns. Their response? “I’m sorry you feel that way.” This upset me even more, because it felt like they were putting the blame on me for being upset. I tried to explain this to them, again very calmly and politely, but they just started crying and said they don’t understand. I tried for hours to explain myself, because I was determined to actually stand up for myself for once and not to wimp out and bow my head like usual, but they were incapable of seeing someone else’s perspective on anything.

At this point, I didn’t know what to do. I asked a mutual friend of ours for advice, and they suggested we get into a group call together. It ended up with both of them ganging up on me, because of course I’m the mean one for making the one friend cry, even though they turn on the water works for everything. I mean literally everything. Then they tried to use the excuse that they were saying that to make me angry, thinking that I wouldn’t be sad anymore if I was mad for a second, because that’s apparently how they worked. I explained that’s not at all how I worked, and they were just like “oops lol” and went back to talking like nothing ever happened and never apologizing, despite the fact that I was still upset.

Rather than stream without them, because I knew playing Overwatch without them would upset them despite them being the one that didn’t want to do it anymore, I just quit streaming altogether to devote all of my game time to them.

Things kinda started to unravel after that. I once shared a video of a comedian whom I wasn’t aware they happened to despise, and even though I profusely apologized and promised not to share his videos with them anymore, they continued to hold that up as a counter every time they shared something with me that I didn’t care for, like watching that one video was the equivalent of donating a kidney to me and I owed it to them to watch and discuss stuff I didn’t like.

My depression got super bad in the months that followed, to the point where I could barely muster the energy to think. This friend kept messaging me everyday, and I really tried my best to reply to them as best I could, but all I could manage most of the time were one or two word responses. My brain was mush and I just felt so empty of everything. They kept hassling me to tell them what was wrong, and I did. I told them that I was in a bad spot with my depression and that I felt hollow. They just said they didn’t understand and, after the first thing they tried to do to cheer me up didn’t magically work, they got upset at me. I asked them what they wanted from me, and they said I wasn’t being “cheery” enough about my depression. “Gosh golly, [REDACTED], I’m just so darn depressed! Let’s just keep talking about things we like as though nothing’s wrong!” They literally wanted me to act that way. That’s what they said to me.

After that, I tried to adjust my sleep to stop staying up all night, and because of that I started missing our game sessions for a time. They assumed I was avoiding them. I wasn’t, I was genuinely sleeping. Then, any time I posted about anything in a negative light, they automatically assumed I was vagueing about them. I wasn’t, and despite telling them I wasn’t they started blatantly vagueing about me. I didn’t bother bringing it up. I knew I wouldn’t win that argument, and I didn’t have the energy for it.

Finally, again without any warning, I woke up one day to find that they’d unfriended and blocked me on all platforms, and created a new discord group for our Overwatch crew, only without me there. Despite all they’d done to that point, I wasn’t ready for our friendship to just be over like that. It sent my depression into full on suicidal mode. I made a few vaguely suicidal posts here on tumblr, and thankfully a lot of my followers jumped on that and sent me countless messages of support. They managed to calm me down before I did something stupid. You guys know who you are if you’ve stuck around since then. I legitimately owe you guys my life.

Unfortunately, and I know it was well-meaning, one of my followers that knew I was good friends with this person (but didn’t know they were the cause of me being so upset) contacted them and told them what was going on. So this person called me. On the phone. I’d like to emphasize this, because I don’t give my number to fucking anyone, but they’d pressured it out of me one day.

Anyway, they started off asking if my ringtone (”You Got The Touch” from the 80′s Transformers movie at the time) played when they called. I said it did and they said that made them happy. They then went on to talk about how they got complimented for a tote bag that I had sent them for Christmas, saying they thought that’d make me happy because I got it for them. I’d literally just recovered from a complete mental breakdown barely an hour before, so I was so completely exhausted that I could barely mumble out one-word responses.

So then they launch into this whole story about how they were suicidal before, except they were really gonna do it (implying I was just doing it for attention) but they randomly got a phone call from someone they never talk to that was also suicidal and that made them stop. Then they kinda sat there expecting me to thank them for being that person for me, but they weren’t, and it’s against my personal code of honor to lie to someone, even if it’s paying false compliments.

So then they started yelling at me, saying I was mean and selfish and an asshole and a genuinely bad person, ranting at me without letting me get a word in. Then they yelled at me for not getting angry. Then they they went back to trying to talk to me like nothing happened. I was too drained to say much, but I was still trying to cling to the friendship despite all that had happened, and tried to continue talking to them, afraid they’d never talk to me again if I hung up. Eventually I gave up and we ended the call and I went to bed.

In the morning I was a lot calmer and able to think more clearly. I sent a message to this person (having convinced them to unblock me the night before) and stated that we were clearly just people with personalities that naturally clashed, and that I didn’t expect them to try to be friends anymore. I was much more polite than I should have been.

I seethed internally for more than a year after that, the hate and rage and sadness for this former friend boiling endlessly inside me. There was literally not a day during that year that I didn’t think of them, and it was almost never in a kind way. I still get upset just thinking of them, and things I used to associate with them have sort of become triggers for me. I quit art for a year because they were an artist and I wanted to distance myself from them as much as possible. I avoid Transformers, a fandom I’d gotten them into to the point of them obsessing over it, particularly Rodimus. RoadRat now has an underlying bitterness to it. I flinch whenever I hear or read things they used to say constantly, like “heckin” or “blease” or using question marks in the middle of sentences that aren’t questions, or loud declarations of one’s homosexuality when they see something they like or are attracted to; unfortunate, as these are still quite common in today’s internet slang. I have a paranoid panic attack whenever I see anyone online with the word “Scrub” in their username. I’m automatically wary of anyone who has the same mental illness(es) as them because they always used that as an excuse for everything they did to me. I feel especially guilty about that one, but I can’t help it. They were sex-obsessed, so I’ve become repulsed by anyone talking to me or about me in a sexual manner. I automatically keep fans that approach me and try to become friends with me at arm’s length, because that’s how they came into my life. Because of that, I can count all of the friends I have on just one hand.

So yeah, that’s the story.

[myprincecandy]

[ENG] 20190123 SinaEnt/Yuqing Lab interview with ZTAO

[ENG] 20190123 SinaEnt/Yuqing Lab interview with #ZTAO 

Link to original: https://goo.gl/Fy2GGN

Huang Zitao:  Don’t be too cocky in front of me, newbies! You’re “dead” if I catch you!

Today, I went to have a chat with Huang Zitao

Friends, have you ever accidentally unliked or unfriended your idol because he changed his social media account id?

That has happened to Huang Zitao’s fans.

Recently, Huang Zitao, in conjunction with his upcoming new drama, changed his weibo ID to “Chong Liming is coming”, something that would definitely confused people who don’t follow him (Chong Liming is the character he’s playing)

Paired with that anime avatar, if you’re not a fan, who could tell that this is a star??? 

Since Huang Zitao changed his id to “Chong Liming is coming” before the drama Yan Shi Fan is due to air.. does that mean that, after it airs, it will change to ““Chong Liming is now here”, “Chong Liming is leaving”, ““Chong Liming goodbye”…. Does he know that even for paying members, you can only change your weibo ID 5 times in a year? 

“Why don’t you ask him directly” says my boss, showing up behind me, with a glass of tea in hand. 

“eh? My hand shook, and then as destiny would have it, I got the assignment to go to the press conference for Yan Shi Fan.1 minute before it struck one on 22nd Jan 2019, I made my way through loads of floral displays from fans to go meet Taotao. I’ll remember this minute because of the strange mixture of smells from the roses and the packed lunches by the side. 

We’ve only just finished setting up the machines when Huang Zitao arrived in a hurry, saying “ah I’m so sorry”, while commenting to me about lunch being too spicy. Then he went asking for water from his staff. Your Tao is still so very interesting and cute.  

After sitting down, Tao suddenly stood up again, saying that he wishes to see how his new hairstyle looks. He says that since it’s new, he doesn’t know whether it looks good on camera. 

After checking the photograph, he said he’s pretty satisfied with it, and would give his hairstyle, “6-7 points I guess~” 

“Didn’t you say you’re pretty satisfied? That’s only a passing score?”

“well it’s for the camera,  so it’ll be perfect if I was thinner.” As he said that, he kneaded/pinched his chin. 

Sparring verbally with me and then with himself

The new hairstyle is to refresh himself, give himself a new start in the new year. Taotao says that it doesn’t matter if it looks good or not. Him checking the camera is also because he had “rested for slightly more than half a month, and didn’t do much except eat every day.” So he feared that he would look fat in front of the cameras, after all, he still has to be scrutinized by the rest of the world.

“If I were thinner, and my chin was sharper, it would be perfect.” .

Speaking of sharp chins, that reminds me of the much treasured bout of happiness brought about the many videos of Huang Zitao’s Little Elf. 

I told him that many folks are waiting for updates to that Little Elf series, so when is he intending to do an update to satisfy the fans? 

Adorable as he is, Taotao refused, saying, “if you all feel that that is good, that watch the old stuff. I won’t do it again simply because it got popular after you all watched it. I won’t! He says he is not willing to just simply following what is trending/popular, not even if he is the one who started it! 

Fine, Boss Huang is really very strict. 

I quietly rebutted, “You previously said that Little Elf is ugly, but yet your actions say otherwise!” 

Taotao explained that he was really letting go of himself when talking that way, “you have to know that when I’m recording that, the sound and my expressions are all especially…tsk.. ah! You won’t want to see how I actually look like when recording Little Elf. “

We all know that this year, all the male idol audition variety shows will be highly competitive against each other. I asked him if he had any suggestions for the boys. 

Taotao feel that he definitely is supportive if the candidate is grounded with his dream/goal in mind. However, many youngsters these days are very cocky/overconfident. They don’t even greet their seniors when they see them, he feels that that is very rude. 

He gave an example. Previously when filming an advert, he overheard a staff member saying that a newbie basically just refused to film on set, and even threw the script at others. 

“Why be an idol/artiste in that case? In any way, don’t let me catch them in action. They’re dead if so, really.”   

Cried for 8 months, nearly sunk into depression

I didn’t’ forget the purpose of my trip, and so I asked him if he was going to change his weibo id again after the drama “Yan Shi Fan” airs. “ 

Taotao replied firmly, “Nope! I know that you can only change your weibo id 5 times a year.” So he’ll keep Chong Liming in the “he’s coming” condition, until he finishes watching the drama with everyone. 

“So have you thought about what your next ID is going to be yet?”

 “Yes!”

“What is it?” 

Huang Zitao (so so innocent) , “It’s XXXXX” (am not revealing it for now for Taotao’s sake) 

“You do know that by revealing it, everyone will go fight for that ID first?” 

Huang Zitao “??? Then why did you trick me???”   

After have tricked Taotao, I felt really good, and so I continued to tell him that fans tried to hold on to his previous id “@CPOPKING-黄子韬”, in case he wanted it back. 

Taotao said it was alright, “It’s ok, hold on it. That id’s a bit much anyway, there are many news ids out there~”

Looks like Taotao’s really quite satisfied with the character Chong Liming. He’s not even going to look back on that weibo id change. 

When asked about how he understands Chong Liming’s character, he says, “He’s someone who’s so much more tired/exhausted living than dead, and cries 3 times a day.” 

So he had crying scenes every day, and a major crying scene every 3 days. “I basically cried for 8 months, and nearly got depression.” Huang Zitao said, Jackie Chan even sent him a very long message, telling him how to deal with all the negative emotions that result from acting. 

Making his own real person variety show 

Before coming for the interview, I have asked fans for questions on weibo, so Taotao answered some here. Such as the concert that everyone’s so concerned about. 

Taotao says that there’ll only be one concert this year and it’ll be in June in Shanghai. You all can start planning your schedule~ He says he wishes to rest for the first half of the year, so he won’t be filming dramas. He’s just going to write songs, prep for his concert and he also intends to release an album this year. 

That’s called resting?? Ok… 

So what does he like to do when “resting”? 

Taotao looked at me, perplexed. “Go out! Play! What else? Eat & drink and basically have fun. “

And then he started counting for me, saying that he likes driving, watching movies (having watched Bumblebee and Aquaman recently, he recommends it to fans) and getting friends to go over to his place for a chit chat. But they can only chat now, because he’s gotten the rabies vaccine shot, so he can’t drink. 

After “resting”, in May, his company will be cooperating with another platform to present a travel related real person/life variety show, and he has two dramas coming in the latter half of the year. 

Even though he doesn’t want to exhaust himself through variety shows, he feels that he should still do at least one per year. Because he likes travelling, so he wishes to do the sort of programme where one really focuses on the travel, with no  missions. “It’s the sort of variety show that shows you who’s generous and who’s petty, the kind of loads of details.”

“So are you a generous or petty traveller?” I thought he would say the former, but he’s very clear about the situation. “It depends on who I’m with. If I don’t like that person, I won’t spare a single cent. But if it’s someone I like, then it doesn’t matter. “ 

So now I have gotten all the key information for you all. I said good bye to Tao and walked out of the interview room, as I heard him say (cutely) to staff, “ahhh haven’t done an interview in ages, I feel I don’t know how to talk much anymore~~” 

Now there are plenty of fans outside the interview room waiting to enter the hall. I revealed to the fans as I left, “Huang Zitao’s hairstyle today is very handsome”. Everyone went ahhhhhh!! 

So I left amidst all those envious looks.. 

A video of an interview is coming but here’s an extract of it:

Q: Your first impression of Chong Liming when reading the script?

Tao: In the beginning I had not read the script, it was the producer Liang Zhenhua who told me the story. I took on the project because he absolutely moved me. Chong Liming is the sort who cries three times a day, no joke. I basically have crying scenes every day and a big one every 3 days. He’s actually a very pitiful person. He looks as if nothing matters on the surface, but he’s just holding it all inside. Basically he’s so much more exhausted living than dying.

Q: Do you think you share similarities with Chong Liming

Tao: I don’t think so. I live a happy life (laughs heartily)

Q: You’ve set up a new company in 2018, so what are the plans for the company?

Tao: My dad’s managing it. I’m just in charge of completing my acting projects. The plan is to well, achieve something. Hope the things produced by our company will be well liked and well received, doesn’t disappoint the market and audience. And if I’m in it, then all the more I’ll have ensure it doesn’t disappoint. 

Q: Chinese New Year is near, so can you reveal your year end prize with us, Boss Huang?

Tao: My dad’s in charge of that.. I.. I want year end prize too!! Money will do!!! Hahahaha! If it’s a lucky draw, I hope others in the company will get more. If I get something big, I’ll just split it on the spot, but I’m not the lucky kind. 

Q: Evaluate/comment on your two variety shows last year.

Tao: Actually, the street dance and produce 101 programs… I don’t think I’m particularly suited to those. They required more outstanding candidates. There’s not much meaning to me being a mentor. I prefer Takes A Real Man, with everyone living and experiencing life together. That sort of show I liked, so I want to make something like that. 

Q: Actually everyone likes the sequence of videos which showed you getting startled/a fright. They feel it’s funny. What’s your view on that?

Tao: Pretty good. That’s my natural reaction. I feel that as an artiste, no matter what I do, be it when I’m on a variety show or the gifs produced after, it’s good that it brings laughter to all. At least everyone’s smiling because of me, that’s the energy I bring to everyone I guess. 

Q: You’re not scared of being labelled a comedian?

Tao: nope. I have my works. 

Q: There will be 2-300 new male idols from all those male audition shows this year. As an experienced senior, what suggestions do you have for them?

Tao: if they have their dreams in mind, then I would support. But a lot of youngsters these days are very cocky. Some don’t even manage basic courtesy, not even greeting seniors when they see them. Very arrogant and rude. For example, I overheard a staff member saying that a newbie basically just refused to film on set, and even threw the script at others. Why be an idol/artiste in that case? In any way, don’t let me catch them in action. They’re dead if so, really. 

Q: So promote yourself to all those who will fall in love/like you after watching Yan Shi Fan

Tao: If you all got to know me or like me through Yan Shi Fan, I hope you all can better understand just what kind of artiste I am. When a show is airing, I’ll be super active. But when I’m working, I’ll be totally silent. That’s because of the process of me learning, accumulating experiences while trying to present a better piece of work. I believe my following works will be better and better and won’t disappoint everyone. And I hope everyone can really treat me as an actor, and not a singer who happens to be act. I really want to break that label… so If I don’t manage to with these 3 dramas, then I’ll keep trying.. next year I’ll continue to work hard at filming.. if I don’t break it by 30.. then I guess not then.. (laughs) 

Q: So what happens then?

Tao: I tell you, that won’t happen. It will definitely be better and better. Can’t become an actor after Yan Shi Fan finish airing. I cried for those 8 months, almost getting depression. I messaged Jackie Chan who sent me such a long message, saying how I can deal with it. Even though you see that I’m all smiles and laugher when chasing “The Negotiator”.. well, in part that was to promote the show, but secondly, I forget that I’m the character when I’m watching it. When filming Yan Shi Fan, the happiest thing was for me to back and watch a new episode every night. So I was really exhausted filming this, I feel that all that effort will definitely be rewarded!

[almasexya]

Friend Request

Oh man do we ever have a howler tonight folks. This is the first time I’ve taken a stab at one of those spooky internet horror movies that are all the rage right now, and I did not know what I was missing, because this thing was both boring as all get out and an absolutely spectacular failure on pretty much all fronts.

So our plot is as follows: Psych major Laura Woodson (Alycia Debnam-Carey) is a normal college student at Generic University. She goes jogging, has fancy limo parties with her friends, lives in a ridiculously minimalist room, and spends lots of time posting about Normal Regular Girl things on her Not Facebook account. One day, Laura receives a friend request on Not Facebook from a girl named Marina Mills (Liesl Ahlers) who has no friends whatsoever (a stark contrast to Laura’s 800+) and a profile straight out of 2004′s worst nightmare.

I gotta take an aside to talk about poor Marina here, a character that was clearly made by some kind of deranged artificial intelligence. Despite being ostensibly an adult in college, Marina is an ugly, friendless stereotype that posts weird art, gore, and other disturbing images (all in black and white of course) and latches on to poor Normal Laura like a cancer. Already this movie is stretching my suspension of disbelief to the breaking point, and we’re not even twenty minutes in. Why would she have a facebook presence without anyone to view her content? How would she not have run into any of the twenty million other people who post gore and creepy horror art and are into witchcraft? The idea that this girl would have no friends in the year of our lord 20-fucking-17 is such an absolute catastrophe of clueless writing that it defies belief. Okay gotta get back on track here.

So Laura starts blowing Marina off because she keeps acting weird, culminating in a really awkward confrontation that leads Laura to “unfriend” Marina, an action so devastating to the poor weirdo that she kills herself, films it, and posts it on the internet, after which the horror movie kicks in.

Marina, who turns into some kind of demon with the power to create bad CGI wherever she goes, vows to ruin Laura’s life and make her feel true, everlasting loneliness. She achieves this by causing Laura’s friends to hallucinate and kill themselves, which is then filmed and uploaded to Laura’s Notbook page against her will, causing her to lose her precious friends as they bash her in the comments over these suicide videos that she just inexplicably has.

This is part of the movie that’s just baffling. So Marina the Unfriendly Ghost uploads video footage of people violently killing themselves on Laura’s account, as Laura, and Laura can’t delete them (or her account) because Marina won't let her. So she gets questioned by a couple of police detectives who seem rather bored by the whole snuff film suicide epidemic - they question Laura a few times but can’t trace the IP of who posted the videos, so they just kind of fuck off for the rest of the movie, even though this girl’s social circle is snuffing itself out on camera and she has all the video evidence of it conveniently on her profile. These guys make the cops from Manos look like a credit to the force.

So Laura gets suspended from school, which gives her plenty of time to go around solving the mystery of who Marina was, though she doesn’t get too far since the movie doesn’t know either. She had a spooky troubled childhood, but none of it really adds up, and the movie just kind of gives up on any pretense of writing as soon as it posits that she's a witch who committed ritual suicide to summon an evil demon so she could fuck with facebook.

The acting on display is serviceable, though the characters are so one-note and boring that nothing really matters much. Besides the montage theme at the beginning there’s really not much of a soundtrack to speak of either, and the camera work is also fine. The absolute best part of the movie is when the obligatory Character Who Knows About Computers tries to check the code on Marina’s profile only to discover that it’s HAUNTED CODE that no one can delete. The clip is here if you want to see it, honestly it’s the only part of this thing worth seeing.

Honestly I’ve been facetious with this movie but real talk its use of suicide as a plot device is downright vile. The character of Marina is obviously mentally ill, but she’s portrayed as an obsessive, aggressive creep who is in no way sympathetic for the viewer - she’s a stereotypical horror movie villain who uses suicide as a means to an end, and it’s pretty disgusting writing, especially in today’s climate, where people in real life have committed suicide over social media.

It wouldn’t have been hard to make a movie about how actually horrifying the internet is in this day and age, but the writers of Friend Request took the easy way out and made a lazy ghost story with a social media veneer, and they sure as shit didn’t need to vilify a damaged, suicidal person to do it. Shame on you.

All in all, if you’ve got a squad together and want something to rip into, and don’t mind the exploitative plot, you’ll have no shortage of fun with this movie, but solo viewers should stay away.

[purplesurveys]

647

Have you ever done a craft that you found on Pinterest? I’ve never gone on Pinterest for reasons other than looking for interior design ideas lmao, so no. I’m no good at crafts anyway so it’s not like looking at Pinterest will make me feel good or motivated. Do you get scrapbooking layout ideas from anywhere? I don’t do scrapbooking, but if I do start (and I’ve always wanted to), I’d definitely get some tips from the internet or from people I know who are artsy. What do you do to wipe off the dust from ordinary life? Drink. Are you content with mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? I wish I knew everything, no matter how bad the news may be. What do you do when someone irritates you on Facebook? Unfriend them, duh. I could still see them in real life anyway, but I can very much hate their presence online enough to unfriend/block them haha.

Are you judgmental? If I meet a person for the first time only after I’ve heard a couple of stuff about them, I might judge them for a bit yeah. Then I’ll brush it off first and see if they really are what I was told they’d be. Do you think your hair looks better natural or dyed? I’ve never had it dyed, so I wouldn’t know if it looks better. Do your parents disrespect you? My mom does; and she’s typically a disrespectful person. My dad’s pretty chill. Have you found that love covers over a multitude of sins? Sure. People just have to watch out and make sure love doesn’t reach such a point that it ends up becoming a cover-up for toxic behavior. What was the last Grand Opening you went to? Popeye’s HAHAHAHAHA. They opened their (second) first branch in the country around a year ago and we didn’t have classes that day, so we went. Do you have anything coming up tomorrow? No Monday classes for me, so the day would just consist of me doing schoolwork at home, or in a coffee shop, or whatever works for tomorrow. What's one thing that makes your stomach hurt? DAIRY. I’m having milk tea right now and it is a nightmare. But it tastes so good, so lactose town it is. Ever had a living nightmare? You mean the last 22 years of my life? Sure. Do you have a lot of haters? Idk, it’s possible but I don’t worry about that kinda stuff.

Do you think successful people always come with a pack of haters? Of course. People are alllllllllways envious. Do you have supernatural abilities? No. Do you kick yourself when you make mistakes? Do you say, "I wish I would have" a lot? Yeah I do this a lot. It drives my girlfriend nuts and she hates when I start on could have/should have rants, but it’s my thought process most days. Are you doing the most you can with your life? 'The most’ is probably pushing it. I know I can still do more like join contests, volunteer, be in more orgs, etc. but it doesn’t mean I’m unhappy where I am and with what I’ve done. I can still call myself satisfied, and I hope it means I’ve been doing something right. Do you let people walk on you? No. At least I don’t think so. Are you ok? Thanks for asking :’) I could be better, but at least I’m functioning and that’s better than being a vegetable in bed all day. Do you have a friend you miss right now? Yeah, I always miss Angela. Do you ever write snail mail to your friends? We don’t do that anymore dude. Do you make your life look better than it is on Facebook? Yeah. There’s like this quiet mutual understanding among people (at least in my generation) that Facebook is for impressing your relatives and showing how good of a life you have, and Twitter is where you air out your sadness and rants and all the mess in your personal life haha. Do you feel God's presence regularly? There is no presence to be felt. Do you experience chronic pain? Nope. Do you believe God loves you and is rooting for you? Don’t need anyone else other than my friends and myself to do both of those for me. Have you ever dreamt that you were falling? I’ve never dreamt it but I’d sometimes get that sensation when I would almost fall asleep. What would your dream career be? Lawyer. If I wasn’t such a fucking crybaby in arguments I think I’d survive law school just fine HAHA. Are you a daydreamer? Sure. Do you daydream so much that you wonder if there's anyone who doesn't?  Not really. I just daydream when I’m bored. Do you ever just sit and daydream for awhile?  ^ Again, only when I’m bored. Is the snow falling where you are right now? Snow has never fallen in the Philippines. What is your favorite part of nature? Mountains, and the spectacular views they can give. Do you wish you could be a world traveler? Sure. Do you wish you could live in another city for a year? I wish I could migrate to another country – that’s how much I want to get out of here. What city would you like to visit? I’m eyeing Bangkok for my next trip abroad if that’s ever going to happen :) What has been your favorite city that you've visited? Locally, Vigan or Sagada. Abroad... probably Bali. If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? I’m definitely going to be that parent who takes my kids every year and lets them wear whatever costume they’d want. Have you ever stood in line to get a Disney character's autograph? No. Do you own a birthday crown? I had a tiara for my 7th birthday party, but I’m not sure if my mom was able to keep it. How long does it usually take your hair to dry? Do you dry it naturally or blow-dry it? I have it dry naturally because I get bored blow-drying it. It usually takes an hour or two. Do you straighten your hair? No. I have bad experiences with that because as a kid/teenager, my mom would force me to have my hair rebonded even if I never wanted to have it done to my hair; so these days, when someone asks if I prefer my hair to be straightened, I shudder and say no. Do you sleep with a teddy bear? No and I never did. I was never into stuffed toys. Would you consider yourself a free spirit? To an extent, I guess. I do enjoy being independent and trying out new things, but I always want people to be with me along the way. If I’m gonna travel the world, I need a travel buddy. If I’m gonna go hiking in Sagada, I’d feel better having a companion. If I’m gonna try worms or bugs for the first time, it’s always nicer having someone who’s just as daring when it comes to food. I’m basically a free spirit who never wants to feel lonely, haha. Do you need to clean out your closet? I need to refold some of my clothes, but otherwise I know where everything is. Do you watch YouTube videos regularly? Yeah, I watch at least one video a day. What's your favorite coffee shop? Starbucks will always be my first love for their ambience, but Coffee Bean is pretty great too. Is your Pinterest page cluttered? It’s not used at all. Do you want to start a collection? Yes, I always said I would start collecting all sorts of WWF/E memorabilia once I’m able to afford having a steadily-growing collection. My future house is definitely gonna have its own ~man cave~ except it’ll be for wrestling merch, and it’ll have its own TV and sound system too for when I want to hide from the world and just find solace in wrestling. Are you a role model? Would you consider yourself a good example? I’ve had people say they look up to me for certain traits, but this isn’t something I actively try to become. I have bad habits and vices of my own, so I definitely don’t endorse myself as a role model. But if I can help people in other aspects, then that’s more than alright with me. Are you a leader or a follower? Follower. I like being a leader whenever I can, but there’s too much pressure in being the leader all the time. Who's your favorite person? My girlfriend, durrr. Who have been your favorite American Idol contestants? Siobhan Magnus, Adam Lambert, and Pia Toscano. Did you used to name your Barbies? No. I never liked playing with Barbies either. I think I only ever got one Barbie doll as a present, and it’s because I always preferred playing with toys for boys given that I grew up with mostly male cousins. What unnatural hair color looks best on you?  I’m not sure. I’ve wanted to dye my hair either red or green, though. Is your life boring? No. It’s certainly picked up in the last few months. Do you usually feel better around people or alone? I do great for both situations. It depends on what I need at a particular time. Is there a broken relationship in your life that you want to fix? There’s a broken relationship, but I have no desire to fix it. Do you ever think about Heaven? A part of me finds a level of solace in the idea of getting reunited with lost loved ones when I die, but I mostly think there’s no afterlife. Are you ready for Heaven yet? Are you afraid of where you're going to go? No. I’d like to think I’ll end up somewhere in the universe, and it’s enough to calm me down. Do you have a tree outside your window? Yes, but it’s dark and we have curtains so I can barely see the trees. Do you feel better now than you did last night? I wouldn’t say that, even though I’m feeling okay tonight. I was with Gabie last night, which automatically makes last night better. Is your sleep schedule messed up? It’s still a little bit distorted, yeah. But I’m not too worried about it because at least all my classes this sem start at 10 AM, which means I get to sleep in unlike last sem when I had 7 AM/8:30 AM classes :) Does your body have any problems with it? It gets tired during the day because I’d usually take naps in the afternoon, but it doesn’t affect me too badly. Are you doing ok spiritually? I don’t think about that aspect. Have you taken any huge risks lately? I had a long, blunt talk with Gab last night and it involved topics regarding our relationship that have long been denied and shelved finally acknowledged and let out in the open; and I think that in itself is a big step to take. Silence or songs? I can prefer either depending on my mood. Tea or coffee? Coffee. Books or movies? 10 year old me would say books. Today me would say movies. Do you ever watch your favorite movies from when you were a kid? Yes. I do a Toy Story rewatch at least once a year. ^If you were going to do that, what would you watch? Mostly Disney movies like Toy Story, Finding Nemo, The Game Plan, etc. Do you ignore rude people or do you call them out? Call them out. Do you have trouble staying organized? Yeah, but then again I’m messy-organized so even though I find it hard to maintain being organized, I still end up remember where everything is placed (most of the time). What has been your most favorite adventure? Walking around Bali and my family not knowing where the hell we were or where we were headed. What has been your greatest mistake? I hate questions like this. Are you happy with your life right now? I’m like 75% happy with it, which I’d say is a decently healthy amount. Do you take anything to make your feel better? No. Are your parents still together? Yes. What color socks do you have on? Currently barefoot. Are you under a blanket right now? Nope. It’d be nice to be that right now, though. Are you hopeful? Always.

[quirkyplutonian]

Y’know sometimes I wonder where my old online friends went.

Not, like, the ones I knew in person nor that I ever talked to on discord or anything. I’m talking about the friends I’ve had since I was a kid.

Where’s my Webkinz friends I barely talked to, but always helped give quest items to, and they’d do the same for me? 

Where’s the people I’d goof around with or play in a band with on Club Penguin? Did they cry when it got shut down? Did Kitkat ever find another best friend?

I wish I could remember any usernames from Bearville, but alas, only my own. But I remeber sharing moments in games, or at the movies, or on the trains.

I’ve played with and had fum with so many people on Roblox and Minecraft servers, and I know my friends list on both is pretty long.

I spent so much of my time online because I didn’t have as many people I talked to often in real life. But as my communication skills in real life got worse and worse, so did my online skills. I avoided anyone who started following me or talking to me, and eventually everything I used to have drifted away.

I know it came down to two fears. One, I was worried I’d mess up some way or another and get unfriended, or that’d I’d bother someone. Two, I was so afraid of who was on the other side, to honestly an irrational point.

I wonder, had I just kept in touch with a few people over the years, if I’d have had more people to play games with. It’s no lie that I kept myself from trying league of legends for years because I thought I needed to know four other people to play. I’ve held myself back for so many things because I was either afraid of trouble or I didn’t think I was able to do it.

And that’s where I fell apart at in real life too. I wouldn’t even think of going over to a friend’s house because my parents very good friends with their parents. I refused to give personal information because I got yelled at once for giving my friend a phone number to call to set up a playdate. 

And then, years later, when I started thinking everyone thought I was weird, I was also doing my best to act as acceptable as possible to adults. No swearing, no bad games, no nothing.  While others were playing COD or going out to places or holding sleepovers, little kid me thought she didn’t do all that and didn’t get into trouble.

And that’s how you become the 16-year-old afraid to play a T rated game or watch a PG-13 movie. How you lose all your friends. Because they’re swearing a little or talking about these topics you think are extremely mature, but it turns out you’ve just been staying in the same little 8-year-old kid act you’ve been putting on for almost a decade. Teens talk about the world and politics and drama and trauma and make jokes that sound like they came out of deadpool. 

People grow up, dumbass. You should have been doing that, too. 

But no, you wanted to stay that perfect little innocent angel to look better to teachers and adults who you were so afraid of pissing off, because of the actions of one or two stupid people who you only saw a year or two, and that was it.

And now you’ve got to run a marathon to catch up to where you should be.

And at least this year you’ve gotten the first quarter of that marathon done.

.

.

.

I wonder what my old friends are doing, both online and in real life.

[bogwithanlforluck-blog]

I Unfriend You, Floyd

DISCLAIMER: The figurative and/or literal act of “unfriending” any person, group of people, ideological affiliation, etc. involves, at the least, some disappointment. At its worst, “unfriending” can cause a certain amount of trauma, or it can perhaps evoke past trauma. Since this essay is indeed about an “unfriending” experience that reaches the level of a kind of trauma, I am going to approach this from a remove, as if I were talking this out with a therapist. Please excuse, therefore, the potential psychobabble that may pervade the whole process….

    Imagine a typical therapist’s office. Sofas, books, knick-knacks. I am in one chair; the doctor in another.

   The doctor asks me, “So, I believe you said you were here to talk about someone who terrorized you, and who, to this day, still terrorizes you, if only periodically. Someone named Floyd. Do I have that right?”

     “Well, pretty much yes. But it’s not a someone, it’s a group of people. And the whole name is Pink Floyd.”

     “Ah, I see. Thanks for clarifying. Why ‘Pink’?”

     “Good question.” After this response, a thoughtful pause in the conversation occurs, after which the doctor continues:

     “Well, aside from the name itself, why do you think you became so terrified of this Pink Floyd?”

     “I have been thinking about that, doctor. And I believe it dates back to a church camping trip that my sister and I went on back when I was about 13.”

      “Are you, or were you, religious?”

      “No, not really. I am not sure how we ended up going on that trip. My sister and I were not campers, and we were not particularly involved in church. We went to a Methodist Church, but we had no idea what ‘Methodist’ really meant; I’m not sure many Methodists do, actually. I think the Methodist Church is one of those nice hybrid protestant churches that is not too preachy but politely tries to instill good moral values in its parishioners. But, that’s kind of beside the point.”

       “Okay, go on then. What happened on this trip?”

       “The trip was co-ed, and from what I remember, different sets of parents, not ours, volunteered to drive the kids across Tennessee over the border into west North Carolina, to a campground where we would pitch tents, stay overnight, go whitewater rafting the next day, then go home.”

       “Did you have fun?”

       “On the whole, no. My sister and I have good memories from it in some ways, because we were the absolute worst campers ever and made a mess of the whole outdoors experience. She and I shared a tent; we had to pitch it ourselves — I know, the nerve of that, right? — and that endeavor took more than a few tries. Overnight, we got zero sleep, because the camper next to us, a guy who had a tent to himself, snored louder than I do, and that means louder than a buzz saw or even an air raid. Imagine rhythmic sonic booms. Anyway, my sister — her name’s Laura, by the way — and I kept laughing at the hapless honker next to us, and then we decided just to stay up all night, so that we could be first at the showers and get the hot water.”

       “So far, it does not sound like a bad trip at all. You have some good memories from it.”

       “Oh, I do. That was all good. And the whitewater rafting wasn’t bad, except for the fact that I was the youngest on the trip and got put in the back of the raft with the guide, while Laura got to ride up front, where all the action was. She was seated next to two hyper-enthusiastic guys who kept trying to make the most of the rapids, so at the front end of the boat, there was a whole lot of ‘Whoa’-ing and ‘Far-out’-ing, while back in the back, I had the loud voice of the guide in my ear on one side of me, and on the other side, I had my ineffective oar. Plus, remember: I was not a river-type person, so I took offense to my sour-river-water-smelling life jacket and my muddy river-water shoes. I don’t want to sound like a prima-donna, but river life and camping are just not my thing.”

       “But so far, Floyd, or Pink Floyd — you had not met him yet.”

       “Oh, no, and Pink Floyd, it’s not a ‘him’; it’s a rock group.”

       “Oh, a rock group.” [Notice that I have chosen a doctor who has never heard of Pink Floyd. Artistic license!]

       “The Pink Floyd encounter came later, when we were on our way home. I am not sure how the rides home got put together, but after our muddy-water day on the river, we went home, once again in cars driven by parents. One of our fellow campers was a schoolmate of mine; his name was Jason. Thinking back, I daresay his name is quite apt in this situation, as the name ‘Jason’ in this day and age symbolizes the ultimate horror figure. ‘Jason’ is the name of the anti-hero in all the Friday the 13th movies.”

       “So Jason brought to mind the horror films?”

       “Not then — just now, looking back, I note that Jason’s name is rather ironic, in the context of things. So, anyway, I think we ended up riding home with Jason and his parents, because Jason was a schoolmate of mine, and for that reason — though he and I were not friends at school — we rode with his family. We had an outside-church connection.”

     “So, you rode all the way from western North Carolina to Nashville with this same family? You and your sister?”

     “Yes. And as we were guests of the drivers, Laura and I — maybe practicing our good Methodist manners — did not make any special requests on where to sit or anything like that. So, naturally, I sat in the middle of the back seat, between Jason and Laura, I think. Jason’s mother was riding in the front passenger seat, and she said a few polite words to us, but from there, things got eerily quiet.”

      “How so?”

     “Well, this, I think, is where the insidious workings of the Pink Floyd trauma began. Jason, for his part, was sullen. I don’t know why. Maybe he did not like muddy river water and stinky life jackets, either. He was not in our boat, so maybe he had to ride in the back of his. Whatever the case, he was in a pouty mood. He insisted that his parents play his favorite cassette tape, which just happened to consist of nothing but Pink Floyd music.”

     “Was Jason mean to you?”

     “No, not at all. He was just completely grim and therefore speechless. I don’t remember a single word he said on that ride home. Maybe he was so into his music that he did not want to talk over it. Laura and I, meanwhile, did not want to interrupt his — reverie, either, so we kept quiet.

       “And therefore, by the tacitly enforced quiet in the car, Pink Floyd came drifting through the atmosphere, enveloping us all in a Floyd-fug. Meanwhile, imagine where I am and the environment in which we were driving. We had reached that no-man’s land between east Tennessee and west North Carolina that is just a bendy-road with gargantuan trees all eaten alive by kudzu. The trees on either side of the narrow, two-lane road were very tall and branched over towards one another on either side, and in their kudzu-caped crisis, they seemed to be gesturing over to each other for help, growing ever taller to escape the body-snatcher enveloping them. And I, sitting in the middle of the back seat, was in my own no-man’s land, having to brace myself from swaying into Jason or Laura as we turned around the bends in the road.”

      “Hm. That does sound uncomfortable.”

      “You got it in a word, doctor. ‘Uncomfortable.’ Because amid this dreary landscape, along with the vacuum of speech, came the quite DIS-quieting sound of Pink Floyd. And the song I remember most clearly from this hellish, church-camping-trip ride home, was Pink Floyd’s ‘Comfortably Numb.’ Right. ‘Comfortably Numb’ my ass! Oh, pardon my swearing.”

      “That’s okay; you have to say what you need to say.”

      “Yes, well, thank you. My ass may have been literally numb, but it was not comfortable. And Pink Floyd was not helping. You see, that group— their songs — their songs sound like they’re coming from the grave. They have this super-mellow-tinged-with-despair sound that attacks you just like that kudzu was attacking the trees. Over and over, I was hearing this extended, ‘I—I——I have become…comfortably numb.’ The more I heard it, the more anxious I became. I was uncomfortably antsy. For miles and miles it seems, we rode with the kudzu and Pink Floyd, to the point where I felt like I might never make it out alive. Indeed, I felt like I might go right into the grave from which those songs emanated”

       “Maybe those songs were triggering an uncomfortable memory for you, and you started to panic.”

       “No, it was the reverse. Those songs were the beginning of an uncomfortable reality for me — that Pink Floyd exists, and that the group has FANS. I started to panic at that realization.”

        “Perhaps.”

        “For definite. And ever since then, I have never liked their music. A long time later, for about two years, I worked in a record store, and I tried to keep an open mind about all music while working there. I saw many Pink Floyd fans come and go. I stocked the band’s albums. I give the band credit for coming up with some of the most iconic album art in the history of rock. And I listened to some of their songs, again, but even with my attempts to keep an open mind, their music gives me the creeps, like creeping kudzu. Over time, I have grown more and more leery of Pink Floyd music. If I happen to hear the beginnings of some of their famous hits — and they had a couple of gimmicky beginnings to a few songs that are now instantly recognizable — I feel dread. Like the Grim Reaper is nearby and bad things are about to unfurl. I just think,” and here, I sit up straighter, “ — I believe it’s time to unfriend them. A kind of renunciation of their power.”

      “You can certainly do that; I like the idea. And I will be here for support, just in case some of the fear returns, in whatever measure.”

     And therefore, in theory, and in writing, I am officially unfriending Pink Floyd. Many apologies to Pink Floyd fans if I have caused offense. Recently, I saw a poll ranking the best Rock & Roll bands of all time, and Pink Floyd was ranked 4th. What wonderful news for fans. However, I will, in my best Methodist-mannered fashion, politely disagree with that ranking.