#they just didn’t call em shitposts

[miirohs]

no body, no crime [o.p.s]

pairing: Mob Boss!Oscar Piastri x GN!Reader wc: 1.8k cw: reader shoots someone, poor hurt/comfort an: this one is dedicated to the local piastri lover em because that Danny Ric fic is never leaving the editing stage,,, had to change it up a bit tho bc the beginning was hampering the rest of it, but anyways I’m continuing the 2 am shitposting tradition 💀

The clock ticked softly in the background, a cold breeze filtering through the room as you curled further into the sheets, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to drown out the noise. The nightlights shone through the thin curtains, the light of the bright neon billboards cast onto the floor.

Oscar wasn’t home again, leaving you to your lonesome in his penthouse in London, something about an emergency meeting at eleven in the night.

You weren’t worried much about the call time, but you couldn’t help the pit that formed in your stomach as your head rested on his shoulder, still too tired to make out what he murmured in a low voice on the phone.

Whatever it was sounded important but he didn’t let you hear anything, herding you back to the bedroom with the promise that he’d be back sooner if not later. You held onto his hand, eyes shutting for good as the warmth of his hand slipped away once again.

With that, you fell into a fretful sleep, waking up at odd times for no explainable reason.

You felt dreadful as your eyes opened again, apartment eerily quiet, vision blurring as you read the clock.

2:45 A.M. It read.

You crawled to the end of the bed, letting your legs dangle off the bed as you reached out for your phone. Not a single notification on the screen and you sighed, opening up the messages app.

As you opened Oscars contact, something outside clicked faintly, making you jump. You slid off the bed, feet padding against the wooden flooring as you wandered into the hall.

You didn’t see any guards posted, even as you called out names you could barely remember hoarsely, getting no response back even as your voice bounced around the hall. It was slowly starting to freak you out, but you figured it was just the lack of sleep getting to you.

You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this paranoid, and it wasn’t just for nothing.

The lights were off in the living room and kitchen, and you turned on the flashlight on your phone, your free hand pressed to the glass window. Your hands trembled slightly as you returned to tapping against the screen, typing up a message to send to Oscar.

where are you rn? heard something outside, can’t see guards anywhere.

The screen lit up, speech bubbles popping up for a couple moments before diapering entirely.

lmk when you’re on your way.

You sent the message, sliding onto a chair and hunching over the granite countertop. The phone rang only moments later, and you snapped out of your stupor, looking at the caller id.

[Osc].

You swiped, sliding off the chair and walking into the kitchen.

“Y/n? Is that you, baby?”

“Mmm, it is,” You mumbled sleepily, fingers running along the countertops as you reached to open the cabinet, "Where are you?"

"I'm on my way back," Oscar replied, tone relieved. "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

“No, I thought i heard something,” You paused, anxiety thrumming under the surface of your skin as something clicked again, “And the guards aren’t here, they-”

“What do you mean not there?” You held the phone away, eyes widening as he cussed softly. The shock and fear in his voice sent a chill down your spine.

"I don't know," you stammered, glancing around the dark kitchen, "I called out for them, but no one answered. I thought it was just me being paranoid but…"

"Lock yourself in the bedroom. Now. I'm almost there, and if anyone breaks through, there's a gun in my nightchest. Don’t use it, just scare them if you have to." He instructed, voice panicked. You paused as he rambled further, eyes landing on a glass half full sitting on the countertop next to the sink.

“What the…”

Your head was slammed into the counter, blinding white pain licking across your temple as you dropped the phone.

The glass shattered as you flailed, crumpling onto the floor. Your world spun, something wet staining your hand as you clutched your head.

Oscar was now frantically shouting through the phone, and your vision blurred as you scanned the floor for the bright light. The sound of your phone cracking made you scramble back, trying to stand up as the world spun under your feet.

You could barely see the assailant in the darkness of the apartment, barely illuminated by the lights of the city.

They lunged for you, barely missing as you scrambled to the side, back hitting a wall. It was barely seconds before they came for you, pressing you up against the wall with their gun, cutting off your circulation.

The cold metal dug into your neck, and you clawed at their clothed arms, aimlessly flailing. Your kicking paid off, as the intruder gasped in pain as you landed a kick to the crotch, gasping for air as you slid down. Despite the throbbing pain, you dogged again when something flew at your head, crawling to the living room and pulling yourself up against the coffee table.

The intruder closed in once again, swearing loudly as they limped towards you. Grasping blindly, your fingers closed around a metal vase, swinging it in their direction. It connected with a resounding thud and you got up, shoving past them in the direction of your shared bedroom.

You’d stunned them, but you weren’t sure how long it’d last, locking the door behind you as you fell to your knees, crawling over to his side of the bed, slumped against the bed as you opened the drawer.

Your fingers closed around the cold metal of the gun Oscar had mentioned, hand tensing and untensing as you stared down the shiny silver. Suddenly, the door banged again, and you froze.

The rush of blood drowned out the taunts, positioning yourself in a far corner of the room, eyes straining in the dark as the doorknob jiggled.

That didn’t last wrong, the wood of the door splintering and cracking. "Come out, you-" the intruder's voice was cut off by another loud bang on the door, hand reaching down to the handle through a crack in the door.

There was nothing but the bed between you now, the door finally giving way, allowing them to stumble into a room with a malevolent look.

Panic surged through you and you raised the gun as threateningly as you could.

He grabbed your wrist, wrenching the gun from your grasp and throwing it to the side. You struggled, kicking and clawing your way out of his grip, diving for the gun. They tackled you once again, and you both tumbled to the ground.

In the struggle, your finger dug into the trigger, losing circulation as he pinned you down, gun shaking uncontrollably.

A shot rang out, followed by an intense ringing in your ears, the grip on your hands loosening. Something warm splattered against your face, blood pooling at your sides and you could only stare in horror.

There was nothing but a ringing in your ear, staring into the darkness as if expecting something else. The door burst open and Oscar rushed in, his eyes wild with fear. It was the first time you’d seen him so unkempt, eyes widening in shock as he connected the dots between the smoking gun in your hand and the body on the floor.

You couldn’t make out what he was saying, only as he pulled you closer to him, feeling the vibrations in his chest.

You couldn’t really make out what he was saying, slumping down against him as tears escaped your eyes.

You weren’t sure how much time passed till you could hear him again, blanking out for a couple of moments before you could remember again, sitting on the bed once again.

You could hear Oscar shouting in the other room, probably on the phone again. Something had gone terribly wrong for his composed self to be shattered.

He had Lando sitting in the room with you, monitoring you as your legs dangled off of the edge of the bed, staring down at hands crusted with blood.

Both of you didn’t say much, only nodding to any questions he asked, not even listening entirely.

“Is she doing okay?” You turned at the sound of Oscar's voice, opening then closing your mouth as Lando shrugged noncommittally, murmuring something about how he hadn’t heard a peep in the hour he’d been there.

You phased out again, only coming back to your senses as he gripped your hand, kneeling in front of you.

"Hey," Oscar said softly, high contrast to the way he had been yelling earlier. "Can you look at me baby?"

You blinked, slowly focusing on his face. The tears were coming back, and you swallowed them down again, digging your nails into his hands instead.

He didn’t complain, running a soothing thumb over your knuckles. "You don’t have to if you don’t want to," He continued, "You're safe now. Everything's going to be okay."

Even when you didn’t answer and stared blankly, he continued, listing things aimlessly to catch your attention.

“We’re going to increase security detail for you by the way. I won’t be leaving you on your own for a while…” He paused in his explanation, tilting his head at you. “Please talk to me, baby, I’m worried.”

You swallowed hard, feelings like a mess of strings as you opened your mouth. "I don't know what happened," You shuddered, voice barely above a whisper, "I just... I had to… I just killed someone. Oh god, I'm a killer."

Oscar's expression softened further in contrast to the steely tone he used as he gripped your hand tighter. “No, you didn’t. If anyone questions you, I was the one who did it. Not you, me. Don’t blame yourself for what happens to scum like that.”

“But then- then you’ll get in trouble,” You whispered, haunted by the thought, “they’ll arrest you.”

He smirked, reaching up to brush the hair out of your face as if he was contemplating something.

“Osc baby, what-“

“Whoever sent them,” He spoke with slight disgust, although you could tell that wasn’t at all the full gist of what he was feeling, “Started this trouble first. They can’t arrest me if there’s no body to be found. No body, no crime baby.”

You could only stare at him, heart aching slightly as he pulled your hands to him, allowing you to run your fingers through his messed up hair.

“You’re…” You didn’t finish the sentence, allowing him to stand up and hover over you.

“It’s going to be alright,” he murmured, his voice soothing as he wiped your unshed tears. “You’re strong, we all know that.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” You sniffled, hands looping around his own as he cradled your face.

“You’ll never have to find out,” he replied, leaning down to kiss your forehead, arms holding you down almost possessively, “Never when I’m here.”

[announzingforya]

ɪɴᴛʀᴏ ᴘᴏꜱᴛ (ꜰᴏʀ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ 5ᴛʜ ᴛɪᴍᴇ)

Okay so. Hi!!

The name’s Mist, but you may call me Soup.

Pronouns Page as it’s important

I’m just your local and casual genderfae gal who’s in quite a few fandoms, with those fandoms in no specific order being:

* TPC / The Pink Corruption * JSAB / Just Shapes and Beats * Object Shows * TADC * Bugbo * PA / Project Arrhythmia * Wandersong

(Btw, these are just a few interests. I love a lot of stuff! I just don’t wanna put it all down.)

ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ…

fall under basic DNI lists,

are a NSFW blog,

support problematic creators, ships, things, etc.,

enforce / project your religion strongly onto others,

and are at or over the age of 21.

Oh, yeah, and I have a few self explanatory tags I use.

Mist’s Shenanigans [shitposts / out of context posting]

Mist’s Art [art posts / posts that contain my art]

Mist’s Ask Responses [ask responses]

Mist’s Submissions [submitted posts]

Lastly, a few notes:

I am a minor, and please keep that in note when interacting.

I suspect I may have ADHD as I am quite forgetful, my emotions are VERY sporadic and intense, I sometimes have a lack of focus and cannot sit still for the life of me. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I would like to be.

I curse a bit.

I absolutely love asks! Just don’t spam the askbox too much.

I use tone tags! If you don’t understand my tone or I didn’t add a tone tag and you’re confused, please tell me! I’ll clarify if I need to.

Lastly, I mass like and reblog, so keep in note that if you interact with me and I don’t know you / don’t follow you, I’ll most likely like or reblog a few to many different posts! I may also blow up your notifs from time to time.

Thanks for reading!

Oh, and the separators are made by @/cafekitsune !! They have plenty more, so if you wanna check em out then feel free!

[blarneythedinosaur]

Lbr. Shitspeare SO woulda been a shitposter if shit posts were shitposted in the shitteen hundreds.

“Please save me! I’ll do anything for you!” “Then perish.” “Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.” “Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?” “…Then I shall face God, and walk backwards into hell.” “…I’d strike the sun if it insulted me.” 

-All of these are from shitposts, regrettably not from literary classics.

[weedle-testaburger]

And now, events from Doctor Who’s production history that really sound like shitposts but aren't

the original creator actively fought for them to not make the first dalek story because he thought they were ‘bug-eyed monsters’

william hartnell came up with ideas of what every button on the tardis console did and would rant at directors if they told him to press the wrong one

two of the 60s dalek episodes only exist because they were found in the basement of a mormon church in london (i didn’t know that was a thing either)

they filmed an episode set in the tibetan mountains in north wales

they almost greenlit a story where the doctor ‘spanks the feminism out of his companion’

the eyepatch story, if you know you know

jon pertwee hated the daleks because he felt like they upstaged him, but he had more dalek stories than any doctor until david tennant

to make giant radioactive maggots for one story they inflated condoms

originally the sontarans' name was going to be pronounced 'SON-tar-an' rather than 'son-TAR-an' but the actor playing the first one said 'I'm from the fucking place, I know how to say it'

when he got the role of the doctor, tom baker was working on a building site

the 'morbius doctors' everyone lost their shit about after the ruth doctor was revealed were just eight of the behind the scenes crew dressing up as an easter egg

while they were waiting for the k9 prop to be finished, in rehearsals his voice actor used to go round on all fours in rehearsals

speaking of dogs, tom baker once pissed off another actor's dog so badly it made it take a big bite out of his lip and they had to shoot him from the other side for almost a whole story

when they brought back davros the first time, they couldn't get the same actor or make a new mask, so they just took the old mask out of storage and stuck it on the new actor

when they hired a superfan as the continuity advisor, he bottomed for the producer

they put question marks on the doctor's shirt collars on the assumption they could sell shirts like that to fans

they tried to get adric's actor to dance once, but he just couldn't so they sat him at a table eating cake (goals honestly)

colin baker got cast in a peter davison era story and they told him he was overacting a bit and that 'the show's called doctor who not the bloke who's the guard in the background', but he made everyone laugh at a wedding party and that convinced the producer to make him the doctor

there's a sequence where a dalek was supposed to catch the doctor at the end of a corridor and since someone went down the wrong one, the va just went 'EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! ...BUGGER, I'VE LOST EM!'

when the bbc tried to cancel the show they put out a protest record that was like do they know it's christmas but complaining about doctor who getting cancelled

they tried to cast david bowie as one of the villains in peter davison's last story

they actually did cast brian blessed in one of colin baker's last stories, and when he forgot his last line during an elaborate action sequence he instead said 'RIGHT, LET'S FIND THE FUCKERONS!'

the last script editor got the job by saying he wanted to use the show to bring down thatcher

since they fired colin baker and then had to do a regeneration scene, they stuck sylvester mccoy in a blonde wig and put a bad cg effect over his face

when they were doing special effects explosions for the last dalek story they caused such a big explosion the police and fire engines arrived thinking it was a terrorist attack, and then 3 daleks came out of the smoke towards them

one of the last stories was almost cancelled and they had to do filming for it inside a tent in the car park of the studio where they film eastenders

originally instead of doctor who: the movie, some of the ideas pitched for a revival of the series included the doctor and the master being brothers looking for their father 'ulysses' and the doctor having a bulldog called winston as a companion

[localshitpostforpoorme]

Pre-game Saihara Shuichi unpopular headcanons

Note: I saw a lot of pre-game headcanons and posts. I mean it. And most of them don’t fit my humble opinion. You can call me a weirdo cuz of it if you want. I sincerely purify this boy. So let the shitpost be.

Pre-game Saihara Shuichi: • He’s having a hard time communicating with others because of his odd interests. Social-related ones are strange and tough for him to understand. Shuichi enjoys solitude. • Looks gloomy and cold, but has never felt this way. A static serious face caused by urge to daydream. He doesn’t ignore people around, just sees no point in interaction with someone he has nothing in common with. Everybody has their way to pass time, so Saihara is sure that daydreaming instead of talking is normal. Even if folks around think otherwise. • Shuichi cannot stop laughing if someone is in pain. He didn’t mean to and wished to stop. Nature made him a harmless latent sadist. Love for violence and impulses would never take over him. That doesn’t mean he won’t feel pleasure over strangers' agony. Actually, Shuichi is not intended to share nor show true dark feelings. ‘It’s scaring and amoral, isn’t it?’ • Really hates being mocked. ‘I do not touch you so you must do the same. Fair enough.’ Don’t comment on the hat, clothes color, gory pictures, and fanfiction on his phone. Shuichi appreciates his personal space. Trust issue came out of it. All the things he needs are in stories he created in his mind, including a sensation of warmth Shuichi lacks. Wants to find a person like him to tell ‘em every single plot in detail, but fear stops him every time. Plots and scenes are his sweet and loved dreams and wishes. Execution of the Ultimate Detective was a sudden idea and Saihara was fond of it. • Honestly Shuichi didn’t mean his part as the culprit to be pointlessly bloody or cruel. The Ultimate Detective must be a smart and experienced character to become the one and only capable to solve a perfect crime. it’s something puzzle freaks would love as much as he does. Shuichi childishly tried to bond with the last and only trustworthy thing in this world - Team Danganronpa itself. Thoughts of death bring him joy, he can’t help it. So he came out with a plan that leads to his own death just to be loved and finally successful as a creator. He is obviously immature. • Despite his habits and behavior, if he ever finds a friend he will reveal the features of his true self such as a wide sweet smile, a young pale face, and soft pink cheeks. He will greet and treat them lovingly. It’s impossible to ignore sparkles and unmanageable thirst to bring more and more into life. Shuichi is an artist, actor, and writer who absented himself from the hurting outside world. • If he would have a sibling or a twin, he will give them all his stuff and his life. No one is more important than the closest mind, especially if they look the same. It’s almost like having a copy of you, but they need your protection and guidance. Need to play the role of the older brother could be the source of Shuichi’s confidence.

[elfindreams]

Hit me with ur sans opinions

OKAY HERE WE GO

Favorite thing:

Despite him being an apathetic shitposter, I really like how Sans is... actually a pretty hopeful person? Dude’s secretly depressed as shit even though that “ohhh okay yeah that’s what’s going on, huh” moment only comes quite late in the game and you see what his room looks like, and of course the Lost Soul dialogue during the final boss fight. But he has friends and shows interest in his normal hobbies and sincerely wants to be Frisk’s friend, in the murder route he apparently held out hope that if the player was shown enough kindness, you would willingly go back and fix all the bad things you did and be everyone’s friend instead. Like, way past the point where that clearly wasn’t going to happen. My man is TRYING SO HARD

Least favorite thing:

There are a myriad of Sans-related things which evoke responses from me ranging from disinterested apathy to a mild eyeroll to rabid frothing rage, but none of it has anything to do with the character himself, so it feels unfair to count that against ‘em... uhhh I bet he’s the type of person to talk with their mouth absolutely FULL of food and it would enrage me even more than it usually does because HOW ARE YOU EVEN DOING THAT SIR

Favorite line of dialogue:

Yeah yeah there are the intensely raw lines everyone chooses, and rightfully so, but I got a soft spot in my heart for the prank call where he asks if your refrigerator is running, and if you try to be contrary by saying no, he responds with “ok, i’ll send someone over to fix it. thanks for letting me know. good communication is important”. I seem to remember yelling something like “askdjdbdp YEAH OKAY THANKS SANS, THANKS” at the screen when it happened in my first play through, and my brother cackling bc he didn’t get that call when he played the game and didn’t even know to expect it.

BROTP:

Do actual brothers qualify? If not, uhhh Toriel probably. Joke buddies!

OTP:

I see Sans as pretty much aroace but could equally see him ending up in a very casual FWB thing with Alphys, or in an actual relationship in scenarios where Undyne isn’t in the picture, like the queen Alphys ending. It would be cute and their personalities and general vibes are super compatible imo, but on the flipside I could see their flaws feeding into each other and spiraling downward real quick, especially in the particular scenario of the Queen Alphys ending because uhhh yeah emotional trauma for everybody who didn’t die. Sans is so passive and lazy and conflict-avoidant that he would just enable all of Alphys’ worst behaviors, she would become increasingly isolated and depressed and paranoid and drag him down with her, it would be a mess. (I mean he kind of already does that in canon by helping her keep the Amalgamates a secret instead of intervening in any way??? SHE’S KEEPING PEOPLE LOCKED IN HER BASEMENT DUDE, HOLY SHIT) Sans x a healthier diet and sleep schedule and maybe some talk therapy = the true OTP.

NOTP:

Sans x Frisk. If it’s in the context of a fanwork where Frisk was already an adult when they fell into the Underground, then I guess I won’t HATE it hate it... nah jk I still super hate it, c’mon man why does this literal babeychild need to get shipped with anyone, much less an adult? Let Sans be the goofy sitcom dad figure he was always meant to be, dang it!

Random headcanon:

I’m sure I’ve posted this before but OH WELL, Sans doesn’t actually know what sex is. I mean he appreciates a good 69 joke as much as any not-self-respecting shitposter, but he’s Literally A Talking Cartoon Skeleton and this topic has zero relevance to his life, so he never bothered to look it up or ask anybody. (Papyrus does, though. Confirmed chad.)

Alternatively—

When used against a murderous soul with high LV, Sans’ KARMA ability does damage over time and drains health. However, if a KARMA “attack” were used upon someone with a clean and pure soul, it would have the reverse effect and heal them. Combine that with Sans’ terrible offensive and defensive stats, and you have... a classic white mage with an absolutely BUSTED spell mechanic at his disposal. In a Deltarune-style fight with other party members to physically defend him, all of whom are heroic good guy characters, Sans would make a superb healer. Alas, his abilities are only situationally useful and his boss battle in Undertale is the exact reverse of that scenario, so he’s stuck trying to make do with what he’s got.

(And now I’m having war flashbacks to that dreadful 1v1 fight in Final Fantasy Tactics where I had to minmax my main character’s abilities and equipment and hope to god that the RNG would work out in my favor because all along he’d only ever been expected to fight as part of a team and I hadn’t leveled him up very much... cinematic parallels!)

Unpopular opinion:

Absolutely none, everyone agrees with me and Sir Tobias Foxington himself manifested physically in my house to give me a gold star sticker

Song I associate with them:

uhhh I’ve got a few but how about Many Lives -> 49 MP by Owen Pallett

It’s about a clairvoyant who obsessively stares into the future and keeps seeing/hearing his middle-aged self frantically yelling back through time and urging him to invest more money, dammit. Idk how well the lyrics actually fit but like, VIBES??? lmao

Favorite picture:

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

A Misplaced Imbalance of Fear

Ao3,   MasterPost

Relationships: Romantic Dukexiety, implied/minor Moceit (platonic or romantic)

From the power of my Art and my Shitposts comes This Fanfiction!!!

Warnings: Panic Attacks, Lots of Cursing, descriptions of gore (horror movies, it gets decently explicit so beware that), mild body horror (Remus is here and he Does Things Like That), Heavy Roman angst for a hot minute in the middle, making out (continuing my theme of remus-centric fics getting more ;3). They do some makeup and drink tea, baby. Mentions of picking one’s skin as an Anxious habit, and also ticking. Also stimming!!! nd sides 4 life bb. Also, a very brief alcohol mention (it’s soup).

Word Count: 6,553

God Fucking Fuck, Virgil was going to have a self-care day even if it killed him dead. Everybody else could do whatever overdramatic fuckery they wanted when they were topside, but he was all set down there in the Mindpalace, thank you very much.

Luckily, mercifully, thankfully, the rest of the sides all seemed keen to let Virgil have his space anyway. There wasn’t a thing stopping him from relaxing.

Well, except for himself, of course.

A thrum of condensed stress and fear tugged at Virgil’s abdomen, bubbling its way over his edges. It was equally his own and the others’, probably due to whatever conversation they were caught up in in the external world. He would not relent to the worry, nor was he summoned to help with the situation, but his body refused to stop shaking. Perched on the top of the couch, frantically clicking the buttons on a fidget cube, Virgil tried to watch the gore playing on the TV in a tired effort to calm his nerves.

Horror movies… helped. They were something for his brain to chew on for a while- their over-the-top and ridiculous plots, the obnoxious characters that almost always deserve what’s coming to them, the attention-attaining action- it was all a recipe for Distraction. But they weren’t working by that point, no matter how badly Virgil wanted them to.

And then- possibly because the universe loved to spite Virgil and Virgil specifically- a walking, talking headache flung himself into the common room about as elegantly as a wolfhound with rabies.

“Heyyyy,” Remus crowed as he sprawled himself out on the couch. Anxiety curled his legs closer under his body, unresponsive- he knew full well that any reaction would just be an invitation for trouble from the obnoxious trait. He’d remember what Logan taught them: don’t engage, just brush it all off.

Unfortunately, Remus seemed to be in a stubborn mood.

“Whatcha watching?” 

“Movie,” Virgil grumbled. 

“What movie?”

He eyed the side laying out on the couch below him, narrowing his gaze as threateningly as he could manage. He spat the words through gritted teeth and made it clear he was not having this today.

“It’s called Terrifier.”

Remus perked up at that, and oh God, if he was interested then he’d never go the fuck away.

“What’s it about?”

There wasn’t much Virgil could do but answer in as clipped a tone as he could; things hadn’t gotten too bad, too uncomfortable, yet. Maybe he could redirect Remus’ attention, if he was just boring and unresponsive enough?

“Just a cliche creepy clown flick. Not much to it.”

“Is it gory?” 

Virgil made a vaguely affirmative sound in his throat, gesturing to the screen. In truth, the movie’s impeccable special effects with gore was its main appeal, as the acting and plot was kinda atrocious. Violence was the exact reason he’d chosen to watch this. But he knew saying that wouldn’t help his chances of shaking off Intrusive Thoughts.

Remus looked ready to spout off something explicit, but he went dead quiet as his eyes fell on the scene on the television. Virgil was grateful for small mercies.

It was exactly the kind of thing that the creative trait would watch, after all; a woman getting sawed in half, lengthwise, starting from the- er, the wrong end. Under circumstances of a more typical anxious flare-up, the scene really could have been one of those ‘helpful distractions’. 

These were not normal circumstances.Yeah, this was one of those ‘too passive’ cases, but Virgil didn’t exactly have the energy for anything ‘active’. So, he stubbornly glared at the TV and pretended that his solution was working, because he had no idea what else to do. Perfect plan.

Preoccupied as he was with his internal issues, he very nearly managed to forget about Remus. Until-

“Holy fuck, this is gorgeous, you watch stuff like this?!” The Duke’s eyes were bright, but not with his usual hysteria. They were wide with genuine excitement, shiny and happy. It was- uncanny, that’s probably the word Virgil was looking for. He curled closer in on himself.

“Shouldn’t be that surprising, dude. ‘Scary’ is kind of my thing.”

“I can’t believe I haven’t seen this one,” the creative side was once again completely enamored by the television screen, “Don’t blood and guts and cool things like that freak you out? They always seem to do the trick when I try to mess with you!” 

“It’s different. The violence in movies, it- it calms me down, I guess. Cause it’s like, I don’t know, detached from reality?”

There was a pause that had Virgil hoping, naively, that Remus had grown bored at his spiel. But he wasn’t moving, he was just staring, gaze switching contemplatively from the screen to Virgil a few times over.

“It doesn’t look like that. If you were any more tense, all your tendons would be snapping like badly-tuned violin strings!” 

“Yeah, no shit,” Virgil pressed his back against the wall and shut his eyes tight. He could still hear- no, feel- Patton and Roman and Thomas arguing, snapping at each other back and forth as the situation escalated.

“Is this about whatever the others are doing? Why don’t you just stop listening to their shitty arguments?”

A harsh laugh escaped Virgil at that, dragging him back down to earth so he could blink his eyes open, glaring at the facet lying beneath him. 

“I can’t just stop, that’s not how I work. I need to keep an ear on them. Who knows what could happen if I didn’t?”

“Well, why don’t you just go talk to them?”

If he wasn’t already frustrated beyond belief, that would’ve fuckin’ done it for him.

“I don’t think I’d be much help. Not right now.”

“Why not?” Remus looked halfway between genuinely curious and mischievous, propping himself up on his elbows to get a better view of Anxiety.

“Seriously? Things aren’t exactly, like- normal between all of us.”

“What is normal?” 

Virgil opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came through. As much as it sounded like an offhanded, edgy 13-year-old atheist kind of remark, it was a decent point. Virgil had thought that there was something of a status quo forming between himself and the ‘light sides’, but how long had that even lasted for? Especially compared to the rest of his life? Everything was changing all the time. Was there anything to rely on, or was it just Virgil’s own wishful thinking for what their lives could be? After all, even in ‘peaceful times’, there had been plenty of in-fighting and disagreements and horrible uncomfortable conversations and harsh words and-

“Oh, shut that brain up,” Remus’ sharp voice pulled Virgil from his thoughts, “I know what you meant ‘normal’. You meant the six months when you got to forget about us Scary Monsters, and, DUH! It was probably way simpler for all you diet-soda-no-sugar sluts back then, but that doesn’t mean it was better.”

“Yeah, you would think that things are better now, wouldn’t you?”

Remus fixed Virgil with an unsettling sort of grimace, making the other squirm. It wasn’t the first time he’d done so by any means. 

“I dunno, but what I do know is that things are getting better. They’ll be the best they could be, soon.”

Despite himself, Virgil laughed. It was a faltering, anxious sound, revealing the true fear behind the taunting gesture.

“Really? With everybody at each other’s throats all the time?”

“While that does sound fun,” Remus sat up fully, twisting around to look directly up at Virgil, “I mean after that. After we’re all accepted. It’s inevitable- Inevitable, Anxious Lil’ Barista,” Remus accompanied the referential nickname with a wink. 

Virgil stared at him like he was crazy (well- like- crazier than usual, he guessed?). Remus just threw his head back and laughed before spinning his neck one-hundred and eighty degrees to face the TV while he explained.

“Point is, it’s painfully obvious that everything will sort itself out. It has to, or else the only other option is that Thomas is gonna drive himself insane by trying to suppress parts of himself and end up clawing his own brain out. One of those two things!”

While colorfully phrased, the certainty with which Remus delivered his point had Virgil taken aback. There was no way that Remus could possibly know that, but- in a backwards way it was comforting, how sure he sounded. He didn’t lie, not ever.

Virgil had never thought that Remus would settle for anything less than going out of his way to make others’ lives a hell. But maybe that antagonism wasn’t what exactly motivated the trait’s actions. Maybe it was just an unintentional side effect, akin to what Logan had said when Remus first revealed himself.

The moment of reprieve was over as soon as it began.

“Fuck! He just cut off her tits and wore ‘em, huh?” 

Virgil looked up and, to be fair, that was exactly what had happened on screen. Like he said, this movie wasn’t exactly poetic cinema, but it certainly was something. 

He scooted along the top of the couch, moving just a few feet before dropping down to sit properly beside Remus.

“3/10 drag look at best, really,” Virgil muttered, mostly to himself. He jumped when Remus shrieked with laughter at it, looking absolutely delighted. 

“I didn’t know you made jokes like that, VeeVee!”

Virgil shrugged noncommittally, focusing on the screen and not the facet beside him. Remus’ giggling was loud and distracting, but it wasn’t… unpleasant, unlike his typical villain-cackle was. 

Once Remus had settled down (as much as somebody like him could, anyway), he, too, focused on watching. The quiet was uncomfortable, but it didn’t stretch on for long. There was always something in the movie that The Duke felt the need to comment upon extensively, elaborating and giving details on the gore. Virgil found himself listening to the rants silently, almost enjoying the disruption. It certainly gave his overactive mind something to play around with.

“-skin doesn’t slice as easy as that, trust me-”

Aaaand there it was. Virgil winced, trying very hard not to show that the words had struck a nerve. He liked horror, gore, all that, sure, but there were just some specific things- squicks, you could call them. Remus would obviously use that to his advantage, so the only option was to try very hard to zone out and not look like he was disturbed.

“But even then- Hey, why are you making that face?”

Mission failed.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Remus shifted closer- invasively closer, his gaze studying. 

“You were calming down earlier, what's with the scrunch-nose?”

Virgil stared at his hands, chipping away his black nail polish. Remus was nearly as good at reading lies as Janus, and twice as hard to get rid of.

“It's just- skin, slicing, that stuff just-” he ticked, head spasming sideways briefly at even the thought of that kind of pain.

“Oh,” Remus said plainly, not even a hint of malice or mischief in his tone as he leaned back into his own spot, “Why didn't you just say so? Well, that last exploding head kill is way more interesting anyway, did you see that?”

That was… it? No taunting, no tormenting, he just changed the topic, like that? 

Remus, continuing to be weirdly perceptive, scoffed as though he was reading Virgil’s mind.

“What? Just because I like screwing with you prudes sometimes doesn't mean I want to give you a panic attack. Where's the fun in that?”

Anxiety nodded mutely, bewildered. Remus seemed appeased by that and quickly resumed his running commentary.

And if Virgil eventually decided to take part in the discussion, well, it wasn’t a big deal anyway. Just some polite conversation about bodily mutilation.

 The television darkened as the screen was washed by credits, filling the space where the disfigured face of the main character had been mere moments prior, the result of a pretty predictable twist ending. Virgil stood, arching his back up in a stretch. His arms raised higher, one joint or another crackling at the motion. Fuck, he was sore. How long had he been sitting still?

Remus hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch. He tapped his claws along the remote, exiting to the homescreen and looking expectantly at Virgil.

“You don't wanna watch anything else?” He asked abruptly, drawing a confused glance from his companion, “This is fun- and they're still arguing up there, so it kinda makes sense to stay, it’s really the best solution if you-”

Virgil huffed a laugh at the rambling. It sounded like some shit he’d say, for crying out loud.

“Dude, chill, I was just gonna make some tea before putting on another movie,” the clear relief that ran across Remus' face- quickly replaced by a wide grin- wasn't anything shy of… sweet. Virgil was sure this day couldn't get any fucking weirder, if he was finding anything endearing about the walking talking dirty joke before him. “Uh, you want anything? Since you're gonna stick around, and all.”

Remus jumped up, following Virgil into the MindPalace’s small kitchen happily. In one smooth motion, he swung up onto the counter and slid down it, seating himself almost on top of the stove.

“No hot leaf soup for me, thanks, but I will take one of those mugs!”

Virgil raised a brow, staring the creative trait down before shrugging. He passed him one of the mugs, a generic and patternless one- so that the other sides probably wouldn't notice its absence. He busied himself by setting up the kettle, trying not to wince at the loud wet crunch that resulted when Remus took a bite of his snack.

“Hey,” Remus said around a mouthful of ceramic chunks, “I know just the movie we should watch next.”

Virgil shifted around the various tea boxes littering the cabinets, searching for something with a kick. He hazarded a glance to Remus, immediately regretting the decision when he saw the blood dribbling down his chin from the cuts marring his lips. Anxiety cringed, turning his head back and grabbing for the first brightly-colored box he saw. It took him a moment to respond.

“Okay… what is it?” 

“It's awful- I mean, really, the acting is unbearable and it’s fucking insane- but it's funny. You like making fun of stuff, right? It's like that, but there's still a ton of agonizing death, which is always a fun bonus.”

“What's it about?” Virgil was hesitantly intrigued, his gaze flicking up from the steadily heating kettle. He wasn't exactly keen on staring down the gory scene of Remus’ mouth, so he settled his focus on the trait’s eyeball brooch. 

“Uhn-uhn! No spoilers, this is one you have to see for yourself. It's funnier that way.”

Virgil made a noncommittal sound, tapping his nails against the counters.

“Nothing too bad happens- not that you can't handle, anyway. No slicing and not many jumpscares.”

He resisted the urge to snap 'how do you know what I can’t handle?' because Remus actively trying to reassure him was. Something. Something that he appreciated, maybe, a little.

“Okay, fine. I didn't have anything else in mind. A ‘So-Bad-It’s-Good’ thing sounds alright.”

The obnoxious gnawing of Remus destroying what was left of his cup suddenly ceased, replaced by a stunned silence. Virgil finally met his eyes (finding that the lacerations around Remus’ mouth were already healing themselves, as if they'd never existed).

“You’re taking my suggestion?”

Virgil cleared his throat, finding himself unable to break the intense eye-contact now that it had been established.

“It's not a big deal or anything, man. Just a movie.” 

Remus nodded enthusiastically, a grin splitting his face ear-to-ear. Very literally. The expression was so unnatural and cartoonish on a human(ish) face, that Virgil couldn't help but be startled into laughter. Remus looked even more delighted at that reaction, leaning forward over the stove. At that point, Virgil very much couldn't suppress the noises, snorts bubbling up from his throat against his will.

“You look-” another bout of chuckling, “-you look ridiculous, Remus.”

“Aw, thank you! I was going for manic, but I'll settle for that, too.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, hunching in on himself to get his breathing back to normal. 

With no warning, Remus lifted himself up onto his knees and craned his body around the vigilant trait, snatching the kettle from the stove and flipping the dial to ‘off’. Instinctively, Anxiety recoiled from the proximity. The tension fell away when he saw that the other was simply pouring the hot water into Virgil’s mug for him.

“Dude, it wasn't whistling yet?”

“I know; it was hissing like it was about to start. You're boring and don't like loud noises, especially when you’re all on edge like this, so,” he set the kettle back down, passing the warm mug to Virgil. 

Virgil stared at him, then at the drink in his hand, then back up at the Duke. He was, for what felt like the millionth time that day, unsure of how to react.

He… really hadn't thought that Remus would pick up on stuff like that. He should probably start getting used to that, maybe.

“I'm-” Virgil dragged his finger up and down the handle of his mug, “I'm not that on edge anymore, actually.”

The look that Remus sent him was indecipherable. 

“C’mon, I’ll queue up that flick I told you about.”

“Yeah,” Virgil let out a deep breath, one he hadn't even known he'd been holding, “Yeah, okay.”

 The floor was bubbling, popping, blistering with red fury. It was lava, sending bright flaming sparks in all directions. Thankfully for Remus and Virgil, sitting close together on the couch and viciously mocking cabin fever, the vicious rage was exclusive to one small circle near the staircase.

Virgil, who had been happily tearing apart the leading guy’s acting, cut himself off abruptly.

“Shit- wait- shit.”

Remus shook himself out of his raucous laughter, looking up in confusion. His eyes finally settled on the crimson patch of carpet, a look of realization crossing them. His voice turned much quieter than what fit him.

“Oh, fuck.”

It was like a volcanic eruption localized entirely within the living room, fire blazing in a tall column. From the emotional display, Roman rose up, face nearly as red as his method of transportation. 

There was that brief moment, right when a stressful situation appeared, of antithetical serenity. Virgil felt his muscles slacken in shock, his long-empty mug falling from his hands and landing on the carpet with a dull thud. A rush of calmness hollowed out his chest, lingering for just a few seconds before being replaced by panic. Tension returned to his limbs mere moments after that, like it was pulling him taut.

Roman wasn't even looking at them- in fact, he hadn't seemed to notice his brother or best friend at all. The fire fell back down, leaving a charred patch of carpet that would likely take a long time to repair itself. The passionate trait growled, a sound that bordered on a scream as he clawed his hands down his face. He stamped his boot sharply against the ground, igniting another small fire with the impact.

“Fuck!” He cried, ever oblivious to his audience. With a hasty wave, the flames flickered and disappeared. Roman glared down at the blackened spot where it had been, winding his arms tightly around himself. He took a few shaky breaths, but if anything he only looked worse off for it.

“Fuck,” this time spoken quieter, but with no less vitriol. An immaculately-manicured hand raised itself to cover his mouth, tightening around his face desperately as tears slipped from his eyes down his fingers. He turned on his heel and took the stairs two at a time.

In his wake, as the television had been paused, the only thing that Virgil could hear was buzzing in his skull.

What had happened? What was happening, currently?! Things had gone so wrong and it was all because of Virgil’s negligence- what bad things could have been prevented if he had just been there? Or- or even just listening in! When had he even stopped listening? He was supposed to protect them but he just gave up, just because he ‘couldn't handle it’, and now something was Wrong with Roman and he couldn't even focus on listening to them all now, not like this. He couldn’t hear, couldn’t hear or see anything at all.

A rough, calloused hand wrapped around his wrist. Virgil's shallow breath staggered even more at the feeling, the warbly noise of speech failing to meet his ears. His eyes were closed tight, he realized, stinging with emotion behind his eyelids.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Four seconds, four strikingly gentle presses against the vein of Virgil’s wrist. If it weren't for the slight edge of a claw, he could've confused the motion for one of Patton’s.

The four taps were followed by a brief pause, then a steady round of seven taps. Another pause, and then eight. As Virgil focused, as much as he could anyway, on the presses, the screaming of his mind very gradually abated. First, he pried his eyes open, staring down at the hand around his arm. Watching the tapping, feeling it, was grounding enough for his hearing to return in time. Virgil could hear Remus beside him, breathing deeply as a guide, and copying the exercise became that much easier. In for four, hold  for seven, out for eight. Repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

Remus didn't stop when Virgil did it properly one time over, when he was still shaking and teary. He didn't speak up even when the well behind Anxiety's eyes ran dry, after what had to be a dozen rounds of even breaths. It was only when Virgil finally, hesitantly slipped his wrist out of the other's grasp on his own terms that Remus made any sounds.

“Do you remember when you taught me to do makeup? Late teens, early twenties, around then?”

Talk about a topic shift. Virgil glanced up in confusion.

“I guess so? Wasn't that, like, the only time that we hung out and actually got along?” They’d never exactly been close, Virgil had made sure of that. It was, in retrospect, a regrettable decision on his part.

“Yeah. I was so bad at it, remember?”

“Hell yes, I remember,” Virgil felt a tiny smirk tug his lips at the memory, “You literally never sat still. You were and are the most impatient person I've ever met.”

“I’ve gotten a lot better, Vee.”

Virgil glanced at the bruise-like eyeshadow circling the Duke's eyes, but refrained from saying anything. Knowing him (kind of knowing him? Starting to know him better now? Whatever.) it was most definitely intentionally off-putting, and probably not a good way to judge his actual ability.

“But I’ve seen how you do it, when you really, really try; I think you're still better than me with it, ju-u-ust barely.”

“Oh, uh, thank you,” Virgil wasn't entirely sure where this was going, but he couldn't find the soft excitement in Remus’ eyes anything other than enticing. The creative side laughed, flapping his hand.

“It would be fun if you did it for me again! Just like old times, ey?”

Virgil stared at him, considering him carefully.

“You want me to do your makeup?” 

“Yes!” Remus leaned forward with his confirmation, but for once that didn't involve violating Virgil’s post-panic attack bubble, “It'll give you something to do with your hands other than peeling back all your skin, at the very least.”

Oh, right. Virgil not-so-subtly lifted his nails from his palms, wincing at the irritated red spots coloring his hands.

Truth be told, the idea wasn't… unappealing. It was an activity well between mindless and active, repetitive and artistic. Plus, he didn't exactly love being alone after attacks, and if anything Remus would be lively company. Company that he sort of, maybe, possibly was looking forward to spending the rest of the day with anyway, unfortunate events notwithstanding.

“Yeah, alright, if you're sure you want-”

“Great! Wait right there, bee-arh-bee,” before the words were even fully out of his mouth, Remus went limp and fell sideways off of the couch, falling right through the floor. 

In his absence, there was a void where his noise had been. Virgil stared at the paused movie scene, picking apart the little details of the frame just to have something to do. His mind drifted off to the state that Roman had been in when he entered. The sight of his friend so furious burned itself on the backs of Virgil’s eyelids. He knew that the anxiety wasn't all his own, either; he could feel it like waves from the other side of the MindPalace, the origin point clearly belonging to Roman.

He should check on him, shouldn't he? Or would that make it worse? Virgil certainly didn't feel like he was in any state to help. But then there was Patton to consider- something must have happened up there. Should he look for him, too?

There was a whoosh.

“I leave you alone for five seconds and you get right back to thinking!” Remus strode across the room, flopping right back onto the couch. Held in his arms was an enormous multi-pocketed bag, items clattering around within at every jostle their owner made.

“Overthinking is literally my whole job, man, this shouldn't surprise you,” Virgil shrugged, trying not to sound as relieved as he felt.

Remus simply rolled his eyes and dropped the makeup case onto Virgil's lap, sitting criss-cross parallel to him, their knees brushing slightly.

Virgil hesitated for a moment, scanning Remus' face, but all the other did was smile and blink (one eye at a time). 

Virgil zipped open the bag, rifling through and finding an overwhelming array of gaudy colors and odd products.

“Was there, like, a 'look' that you want to go for?”

Remus shrugged.

“Just go for it! I’m a blank canvas. The worse, the better.”

Virgil chuckled, picking out a few items to fit a theme he was coming up with and getting right to work.

Though it had been years since they’d last spent time together, it wasn’t awkward. In fact, it felt more comfortable than it had back then.

Remus managed to sit almost perfectly still, chattering the entire time that Virgil worked. Yet again his voice served as something like white-noise, wherein Anxiety only had to contribute whenever he chose. Remus only quieted when Virgil had to hold his face, tipping his head back to properly apply inky-black lipstick. And then, he remained silent for a moment, as they surveyed each other. 

Virgil had cleared his throat, warmth prickling at his ears, and the ceaseless rambling resumed after that.

In what felt like hours and no time at all, Virgil was finally satisfied with his work.

“Alright, you're all done,” he capped the bottle of mascara in his hand, rifling through Remus' bag for a mirror, “Wanna see?” 

Just as he felt the unmistakable cool surface of glass on his fingertips, Remus grabbed his wrist in both hands. 

“What-?”

“Not so fast! Now it's my turn,” he announced, his zealous eyes even more prominent on his face thanks to the thick wings of eyeliner around them. 

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Virgil looked from the assortment of garish colors that he'd mostly stayed away from in the makeup case, and then back up at the Duke.

“Usually: yes. But I am dead serious right now, Vee.”

Remus looked pleading, legitimately pouting. 

Virgil huffed. The side had gone out of his way to help him, when he really didn't have to, so…

“You're not going to just use this as an excuse to draw all over my face, are you?”

“I mean, no promises that I'll be able to restrain myself, but! Gimme a chance anyway, I can make you even hotter than you already are! Plus, we'll match then.”

“... Fine. Just- nothing too crazy, alright?”

“Again, no promises.”

Virgil groaned, but he still passed the bag to Remus.

 “Holy shit...”

Remus leaned over the basin of the bathroom sink, drumming his hands on the counter excitedly. He was starry-eyed as he observed the dark, dramatic colors covering his face: metallic emerald-green eyeshadow, excessively long lashes, and winged eyeliner sharp enough to cut a bitch. His lips were black as void, but shimmered like glitter. Everything about the look was dangerous, confrontational, and grim. 

“This is more out there than I’d usually wear, but. Yeah, holy shit.”

Virgil's expression, despite his best efforts, was equally awed as he peered into the mirror. The color around his eyes was mismatched; a lime to moss green gradient over his purple eye, lavender to royal violet over his green one- both colors contrasted by smudged black eyeliner under his eye. His signature Racoon Look had been maintained in that aspect, but it was even more exaggerated. In addition to that, Remus had taken to drawing various little symbols along Virgil's cheekbones, including things like upside-down crosses. Finally, there was the fuchsia lip-gloss, stark against Virgil’s paler-than-normal foundation. 

“It’s okay, I guess,” Virgil breathed reverently. 

“I love it!” Remus crowed, clambering onto the counter just to get a better look at himself. Somehow, he'd already managed to smudge the hell out of his eyeshadow, but it kinda… worked for him, if Virgil was being honest.

“Vee, we have got to do this more often!”

Virgil looked from his reflection to Remus', startled in a way he didn't entirely understand. The intrusive facet met his gaze through the mirror, the smile sliding off his face when Virgil didn’t respond to him.

“Right, Raggedy-Anx? It doesn't have to be this, specifically, if you really don't want to. We could just watch movies together, that's fine. Or we could do anything at all! Right?”

Virgil was still silent, lost in his mind. Remus fell from a kneeling position to sitting with his legs hanging off the counter, turning his back to the mirror.

“Was this a one-time thing? That's alright, too, if you just needed help calming down. I'm not as good as the others, I know, but if they're ever too busy again, you'll think of me when you need help, at least. Right?”

Finally, Virgil snapped out of his daze when he heard the panicked edge to Remus’ voice, feeling his anxiety as Virgil noticed the wild look that had completely erased his giddiness. It was a look that Virgil had seen plenty of times before, when Remus had been ignored far too long and was right about to start ripping things to shreds for some scraps of attention. Only then did Virgil fully recognize what the expression actually meant; the deep, terrified need that swirled behind the look, unsure of how to ask for what it really wanted after so many denials of that very want. 

“Shit, sorry,” Virgil moved to stand in front of him, eye-level to Remus even though he was elevated by the counter, “Hey, it's alright, Re, everything's fine.”

Remus was still trying very determinedly to smile.

“I know! Hell, I’m not the anxious one, I'm the one that makes people anxious,” his laugh sounded like it came from a throat full of broken glass, “I just- I liked this, ya know?”

“I know,” Virgil leaned forward, coaxing Remus' arms away from where he'd wrapped them around himself, “I like this, too.”

Remus let Virgil hold onto him, surprised into something like obedience.

“You? What?”

“I like this,” it wasn't as though Virgil was expecting to hug Remus, but it seemed to have happened on its own as they moved. It was leagues nicer than he could have imagined, despite the smell. “I like you…-r company.”

“That's weird,” Remus' legs curled around Virgil’s waist. Virgil rested his hands on Remus’ hips. He listened as the creative trait's breathing evened out, vaguely aware that the situation was similar to the one just an hour or so before. Except, the roles had been reversed, of course.

“I missed you. I know I never told you, but I missed you.”

Virgil felt guilt, hot and molten, dripping down his throat. He couldn't lie; he hadn't missed Remus when he left. But now he did, in a roundabout sort of way. He missed what could have been, all of the possible understanding and friendship and likely more that he could have had for so long with Remus- all of which he'd let slip by for years. Due to just writing the artist off as disgusting, or unnecessary. 

And perhaps some of that misunderstanding was Remus' fault as well, but Virgil couldn’t find it in himself to hold it against him.

“You don't have to anymore. Miss me, I mean. I'm- fuck, I'm so sorry.”

“Me too,” Remus said, pulling back to settle Virgil with a happy-yet-tearfilled gaze.

“Aw, hey,” he tightened his grip at Remus' hips, smirking, “You're gonna fuck up all my hard work on that eyeliner, Re.”

Remus laughed, loud and shrieky and him, smiling unnaturally and brilliantly wide once again. Virgil's breath caught in his throat- not for the first time that day, he found himself trapped up in that wild, energetic face.

Before Virgil was entirely aware of what he was doing, he was leaning forward, pulling Remus in by the waist. When the cackling finally stopped short, so did he, both much too far and far too close to the Duke. 

He didn't have the chance to explain himself, or apologize, or anything, because soon enough understanding flashed in Remus' eyes.

“Oh, oh yes, oh hell fucking yes.” 

Remus didn’t wait a second longer before closing the distance and smashing his lips against Virgil’s. A startled sound bubbled up in his throat, dying quickly as he acclimated to what was happening. Just as he did, he was reciprocating the kiss. 

Their teeth clashed together uncomfortably, and Virgil was hyper-aware of the threat both his own and Remus’ fangs posed if they weren’t careful, making it far from the perfect first kiss. But he wouldn’t have wanted that anyway, nor would he have expected it. It was, somehow, better. 

Remus' hand dragged down Virgil's back, his fingers fitting onto the notches of the facet’s spine. Virgil shivered, pressing himself flush against the counter (and Remus) and digging his thumbs into the trait’s hips. The motion earned him a beautiful whine from the other as the kiss deepened, growing less awkward and more heated by the second.

Virgil was unaware of how much time was passing, but when they finally parted, both were short of breath and significantly disheveled. Remus had his back pressed up against the mirror, his hair even fuzzier than its usual state, expression dazed and face flushed. From what Virgil could make out in his own reflection, he wasn't much better off. 

Just as soon as they'd separated, Remus' hand was on his face, his thumb dragging just under Anxiety's lip.

“You fucked up your lipstick,” he teased.

“So did you,” Virgil answered with a smirk, leaning into the touch. 

“I guess we'll have to fix it later.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Remus wriggled himself out of his pinned position, twisting around Virgil. He managed to situate himself and drop down from the bathroom counter, his manner suggestive, “Because all I wanna do right now is finish watching Cabin Fever with my new goth boyfriend and makeout during the boring parts.”

“Boyfriend?” Virgil ignored the jolt of warmth he felt at that, determined to stay nonchalant as he (subtly (not subtly)) slipped his hand into Remus’.

“You disagree?” 

Virgil pretended to think it over, leading them to the door and taking his time to click it open. 

“Nah, I don’t disagree,” he said finally, “I think I like the sound of that, actuall- yyyy.”

Virgil stopped short in the open doorway, voice dragging out in his shock. Behind him, he could feel Remus trying to crane around him to see what was happening, but Virgil didn’t move to accommodate him. Well, more accurately, he felt like he couldn’t really move at all, too busy parsing out the scene in front of him.

In the corner of the sectional- sharing a cushion- Janus and Patton sat, the former holding aloft a glass of wine, the latter snacking on a muffin. They sat with their legs tangled together, and had seemed to be engrossed with each other before the interruption. Both had paused mid-conversation to gawk in Virgil's direction, twin deer-in-headlights expressions on their faces. 

“What-” Virgil began, bewildered.

“The fuck?” Remus finished, pushing his way out of the bathroom.

Janus struggled to sit up into a more dignified position and take the reigns of the conversation. It didn't take him long to overcome his surprise at the interruption, his surveying gaze sweeping over the other two Dark Sides contemplatively. The look made Virgil’s skin crawl. 

“You know, we- well, we could ask you two-” he gestured at their interlocked hands, “-just the same question, couldn't we?” 

For a moment, there was silence. Virgil looked from Patton to Janus. Janus looked from Virgil to Remus. Patton looked at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Remus looked at everyone and broke the silence.

“You didn't see us,” he announced, sidestepping his way to the staircase and dragging Virgil along with him, “And we didn't see you.” 

Janus squinted, tipped his head, and nodded conspiratorially. 

“Deal.”

With that little grant, Virgil and Remus darted up the stairs and into the sanctuary of the dimly lit hallway as quickly as they could. Luckily for them, Roman was probably either in a deep depression sleep or far into the imagination by now, and Logan Did Not Engage with Interpersonal Drama if he could help it. 

There was a second for appreciating the absurdity of the situation (and catching their breath), before either spoke to each other.

“I’ve got a huge flat screen,” Remus piped up at last, jerking his thumb in the direction of his room. 

“Any of us can conjure literally anything we want at any time, so I'm not sure what's impressive about that.”

Remus scowled, albeit playfully.

“Hush! Come watch someone slowly be consumed by a parasite with me!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and let Remus drag him off, his complaints accompanied by absolutely no efforts to avoid the situation. 

Things were weird, there was no denying that. Maybe they'd end up being that way for a while yet, and Virgil knew he had a lot of news to catch up on, but he found that thoughts like that were way back in his mind. Whatever happened, he reasoned, he would still have this comfort. The arms of someone he was finally coming to know wrapped tight around him, playing up his back, a mouth trailing kisses on his neck as he half-watched horror films. Yes, things would be difficult with the others, but it was secondary.

There was someone on his side now. Solidly, unarguably there for him. With him. And that made it all feel a little bit easier.

[spookyboogie3]

The trope Last Minute Hookup shouldn’t be used for LGBTQ+ relationships.

AND DEFENDING MY LAST POST ABOUT THIS.

I DO NOT hate any of these pairings. A good many of them could have been handled differently by the creators, writers, and networks. But this isnt me hating the relationships or characters or shows. Just going off about how they shouldnt have been tacked on at the end of their respective series. 

As of writing this all of these shows have ended their original runs. Except for Supernatural which is on its last few episodes. And Supergirl, which announced its coming to end with season 6.

LGBTQ characters and relationships aren’t as common in the media as straight-cis characters and relationships. Sure things are improving but a lot of networks and writers still don’t fully understand why representation is important why they can’t keep using the same throwaway tropes they’ve been using for the straight-cis relationships.

You could name any piece of media and find and name one character that isn’t LGBTQ+, but you can’t do this with LGBTQ+ characters. We haven’t gotten to the point where they are as common as non-LGBTQ characters.

I have a whole paper I wrote on why asexual representation is important to have in the media and the same logic applies to any part of the LGBTQ+ or anything that falls under minority.

Back to the topic on hand. The trope of “Last Minute Hookup.”

Its exactly what it sounds like. Characters get to together at the very end of the story. These characters could have a on and off again relationship, lots of ship teasing, the classic “Will They or Wont They?” trope. What makes it different for non-LGBT characters in relationships to do this, we know what these relationships look like. Not to say the that both Non and LGBT relationship cant have similar struggles, however members of the LGBTQ+ community know how hard it is to feel like your identity and self matters and is normal.

I know that the whole “will they, wont they” thing is done for drama and networks and showrunners think if they give the fans what they want that they’ll start losing viewers and they have nothing to look forward to. Which is true to some degree. But most of this comes from the writers not knowing how to fucking write relationships.

Let’s just focus on whats it like to be in a non-straight relationship.

Heres an example: you have an action series, with 2 male leads and halfway through the show, they get together. Cool. Now you have a Battle Couple.

By making LGBTQ relationships happen at the end of a series that’s already had plenty of other non-LGBTQ relationships happen before it, it makes it look like the people in charge don’t care for it or were afraid of backlash. But it’s the end of the series so its not like they can get the show cancelled or anything. (The only people who are going to lash out at LGBT couple or characters are homophobic people, we don’t want them around any way so just make stuff super gay, so they’ll leave)

This is especially a problem when the writer and network have spent the whole series queerbaiting the audience with these characters.

 Side note for anyone is doesn’t actually know what queerbaiting is:

It’s a marketing technique used in entertainment, which the writer or creators hint at but then don’t actually depict sex-same romance or LGBTQ representation. They do this to attract (bait) the LGBT/queer or straight ally audience into the show with the suggestion of representation but at the same time avoiding this as not alienate other audience members *cough* (homophobes) *cough*

Definition is from Wikipedia, not a reliable source says my highschool teachers and college professors but fuck em

The Legend of Korra is a great example of Last-Minute Hookup. Korra and Asami had VERY little ship teasing, and that was in the last 2 books/seasons. Any thing that was perceived as romantic came from the fans wearing shipping goggles. So to a lot of people just casually watching, yes this looked like it came out of nowhere. Nickelodeon had some serious balls to say how brave they were for putting 2 girls into a romantic relationship.

Theres a few problems with this.

A. It never actually aired on TV (to my knowledge). The last 2 seasons of Korra were put on Nicks website.

B. The confirmation that this Korrasami was canon had to come from the creators on twitter because of how unclear it was.

C. The show did the bare minimum when it came to hooking them up in the series. They walk off holding hands (very cute btw). They didn’t even get a kiss. Aang and Katara had a Last Minute Hookup at the end of ATLA after 3 seasons of ship tease and THEY GOT A KISS. Hell the original end of LoK*, has Korra and Mako kissing. *(the first season, they didn’t know they were getting more seasons at the time, no matter what you hear the writers say, they’re full of shit)

D. Anything continuation of Korra has come in the form of comics, which her and Asami are in a fairly well written relationship. Yes, they do kiss. Yes it would’ve been great to see this stuff happen in series.

A show that handles this a little bit better is Adventure Time. Not by much though. It implied several times that Princess Bubblegum and Marceline have history together and its shown more and more in its last few seasons that there is some ship tease happening. However its not until the finale where they kiss, and they are shown in the last minute of the show cuddling together in Marcy’s house. HBO has picked up Adventure Time and has a miniseries called Adventure Time: Distant Lands, where Bubblegum and Marceline’s past relationship is shown.  

I had brought up in my original post about being upset with networks making LGBTQ+ relationships canon in the last season/episode. I originally had Catradora tagged. While Catra and Adora have history together, they did not become official couple until the end of the series.

Yes, I was wrong about the network making things canon in the last episode as they’ve always had ship tease with each other, and it probably was the writers’ intent to put them together by the end. They do technically fall under the Last-Minute Hookup, however.

I wanna talk about Once Upon a Time really quick. Fans of the show were hoping and wishing for an LGBTQ couple for the show as a lot of characters, especially Regina and Emma, have alot Ho Yay moments. The showrunners weren’t going to put those two together, for whatever reasons they may have for that (im indifferent on all the shipping going on with this show). The showrunners thought to put two characters together, and hoo boy did it not make people happy. The characters they put together are Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Ruby the red riding hood, which would be fine if they had properly been developed.

The entire episode they did this in was a mess. They stopped the current arc during the season 5 episode ‘Ruby Slippers,’ to go over the characters that haven’t been seen in years, Dorothy was introduced and last seen in season 3, and Ruby was introduced in season 1 and was last seen in season 5 before ‘Ruby Slippers’. The characters get together in the same episode the meet in and are never seen again. The characters barely interacted, barely got along, and showed little to no ship tease or interest in each other and BOOM they are in love and together aaaaaannnnndd they’re gone. Other than having One Million Moms, a Christian fundamentalist organization, protest against the show and want it taken off the air (yes this really happened). The fans weren’t please with this development of the characters either.  

(also Mulan was right there and already knew Ruby from a previous episode, and Mulan already is established to like girls as shown by her being in love with Aurora. Don’t know why the writers didn’t just put these 2 together but whatever I guess)

So they tried again in season 7 with MadArcher. The characters of Alice, a version of Alice in Wonderland from another realm (its complicated) and Robin, the daughter of Robin Hood and the Wicked Witch (it’s also complicated). And the writers did a lot better here. Both characters were allowed to have time together and have a history together too and it was done over the whole season. Not just one episode.

Now even though the writers decided to do something different with the last season and it could be detached from the previous 6 seasons, MadArcher is not really a Last Minute Hookup per say but still falls under my thing about it being the last season so who gives a fuck if One Million Moms gets mad us and tries to get us cancelled again.

 I would like to say I have never watched a single episode of Supernatural in my life. I may one day. But as of right now my knowledge of it is coming primary from what ive seen on tumblr. You know a great source for doing research and looking for reliable information among the piles of shitposting.

From what I know from fans, the writers of Supernatural have been queer baiting for years. I mean it’s the CW, I’m not that surprised. What also wouldn’t surprise me, that by the end of the series Castiel is back and he and Dean actually start and relationship or strongly hint at starting one. I actually fear for the writer lives if they threw out a confession scene after years of queerbaiting and potential ship tease (debatable) and they don’t put them together. Fans are going to be angrier than they probably ever have been with this show and the showrunners and writers really would be known for queer baiting.

From what I know about how previous shows have done and if anyone that has ever worked on this show wants to continue living, Castiel will be back from Super Hell (is that what yall are calling it?) and he will get together with Dean. And they will fall under the Last-Minute Hookup trope and my networks make LGBTQ relationships canon last season.

 One last show I want to talk about is Supergirl, which in has been recently announced that the 6th season will be the last. The show started on CBS but moved to the CW after the end of season 1. So more CW bullshit. There is no confirmation about whether the CW or any of the Supergirl writers are planning to do this, its all speculation. Supergirl is more LGBTQ friendly than some other shows on the Network. One of the main characters came out a few years ago and had a girlfriend a season and has had plenty of hookups with other ladies around the Arrowverse. They even introduced a trans-woman superhero in the form of Dreamer.

Let’s talk SuperCorp. Lena Luthor was introduced in the 2nd season and has been a major character in Kara’s life ever since her introduction. Even if she isn’t involved in the plot, Kara always goes to her to talk and check in on her and worry about her. They are best friends. Since the 2 have met, there has been plenty of Les Yay going on. The writers seem to be aware of the fans wanting SuperCorp to be canon and they keep throwing in moments like Kara and Lena struggling together or Kara carrying Lena bridal style.

Why I bring this up after the announcement of Supergirl’s final season to start next year. We may get SuperCorp. Kara has a relationship with William in the show and not a single person likes this relationship. The writers may scrap it and get put Kara and Lena together for the final season. This is a big maybe though. The Supergirl writers and crew get called out a lot for queerbaiting.

   Let me know if you guys have any other examples of last season/last episode LGBTQ+ hookup.

And please let me know if you see any mistakes. This was all done in one sitting so I may have some things wrong.

Also check out the video by @aretheygayvideos on this topic too.

[saltedsour]

tutorial level lore (for real)

i didnt proofread this after 1.75 hours of typing and that's your fault because i said so

expect typos and nonsense

CORRUPTED:

everybody forgets about him like wtf,,,.???? i swear everybody just goes "HIIIII IM SO HAPPY ALL FOUR OF US ARE HERE" "please i'm right here"

playlist mode also forgot about him 😢

to be fair i forgot about them until right as i started typing

also needs a hug. actually fuck that they all need a hug

the,,, the shortest,,... i i cannot..... they're short oh my gosh

probably one of those wiggly cactus fucks but like angry at everything

also the youngest out of all of em.... babeyyyyyyyy...

110% has a cool scarf i mean come on guys

ok to differentiate between corruption and this fucker's name i'm gonna give him a capital C at the start

tbh they all have that certain vibe that i can't explain rn rn but corrupted and blixer the most so uhhhhhh they vibe together share a vibe yeah

unironically dabs

probably the less focused on MURDERING spicy player shapes

"Okay look ASSHOLES I was the first out all of us to be pink so y'all should really treat me with more respect" they don't

has the best song and ill fight you over that

would look rlly cool if they were like....... not Corrupted just not them

glares at chronos every time he says wink out loud.

his last name's probably kyle

CHRONOS:

doesnt have a face anymore. it's a clock now.

NO his face doesn't mostly tell the time accurately and that pisses logic off the most.

ironically dabs

maybe the tallest but maybe logic's taller i haven't rlly decided yet ok ok

he cant right now he's dunking his bible in milk

rlly wants to eat food sometimes so he just yeets like fucking corn flakes at his face. milky ways also sometimes yeets corn flakes at his face.

"Wowwwww you guys have FACES??? smh."

maybe believes the world is flat

types for 20 minutes after you insult him online

would set fire to the tree of life and watch every second of them burning

the tree's probably fireproof tho and like i don't think fighting the fucking shape goddess went well last time??? didn't it??? now u dont have to worry abt getting ur face hurt that's for sure

Probably part enderman at this point like what the fuck how did you get out of that locked room???? You just see him fucking leave out of another room like OK CHRONOS

says wink out loud

does the most jobs for the tree (outside of what they all usually do)

what they're supposed to do (teach those spicy player shapes to not die) isn't what they actually do now (try to kill spicy player shapes unless they're good enough to not die and get the fuck out of there!!!)

Genuinely misses having a face.

MILKY WAYS:

she has the most braincells. and eyes. three eyes. (and three braincells)

second shortest,!!! will fight you

probably the most reliable at reading anything

"okay guys it's been fun but i'm going to space now" *walks out of the room*

probably would be like rlly competitive in video games and like whenever they suddenly win when you were about to win you hear them gleefully cackling thats actually rlly wholesome wtf me

"guys is the world flat yes or no" "does my life depend on the answer???" "YES. YES IT DOES, CHRONOS." "uuuuuuuHHhhHHhhHh"

probably added megalovania to the group's playlist (if they had one.................)

the tree of life definitely once yeeted the fucker she just grabbed her fucking face and went YEET!!!!! no idea why but that 100% happened

played minecraft and left a review saying there wasn't enough squares

fought Corrupted and won

"i'm gonna munch. i'm gonna crunch" just steals somebody's fucking c h i p s and SPRINTS away

strong shitpost energy tbh??

doesn't know the difference between astronomy or astrology

nobody can see any stars™️ where they live and she rlly wants to see stars™️ (it's her aesthetic ok) (smh) (you wouldn't get it)

they might just be in the fuckign void thats not rlly an aesthetic

LOGIC GATEKEEPER:

doesn't understand most memes tbh

YAAYYYYYY SECOND TALLEST.... or NOT!!!!!!!!!!

"guys ur not being logical....... 💔"

would whisper wikipedia articles to you <3

i'd say they could do the best maths out of everybody but rlly i dont trust them with 1 + 1

unironically would type like... this... sometimes...

"guys why are you awake it's like 3 am" "shut the fuck up logic we're eating stolen c h i p s"

probably has rlly cool legs (i forgot to delete this but now i'm kinda liking what me 10 minutes ago said)

they maybe broke 1 law but it was just one of the laws of reality (like a fucking nerd smh)

T-poses regularly to assert dominance over the three shorter peasants.

actually the only one that still likes the tree of life. "GUYS GUYS SHE'S COOL WTF???" "logic please she fucking deleted my face"

fought Corrupted once and lost

favourite flavour drink is water

everybody probably calls them logic because saying three more syllables is just too hard

BLIXER. THAT FUCK:

angry!!

also dabs but maybe???? ironically (he doesn't know either anymore)

wtf he's directly middle height to everybody (bht he's taller than everybody in that stinky new game form though so good for him)

punches stuff!!!!!

"guys where are my c h i p s"

he has a pupil but only sometimes for no reason

probably went into the tutorial gang like wayyyy after everybody else so he's the new shape™️

"hey guys check out this neat selfie" he just shows them an image of sans

kinda "died" but he actually just took over the world

the tree of life also tells everybody what they need to know rn rn so like she just went "heyyy yeah he died 😭 have fun guys" and went off to go be mean to him for like. ever.

he is a cat. he will never forget that. everybody keeps reminding him plEASE GUYS

ahhhhhhhhhh!! water scary

types for a fucking hour if you insult him online

rlly needs a hug

tired 24/7

probably wears a hoodie. all the time. even in the summer.

most focused on spicy player shape murder.

[sorry-but-we-have-moved]

🌟✨𝓑𝓵𝓸𝓰 𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓹𝓸𝓼𝓽✨🌟

Hi and welcome! I’m Lillian, and this is my main blog. I used to run @j00nkr4t before it was flagged for sensitive media (i protested the NSFW ban). Since my older blog represents a time when i was much more bigoted, and i’ve grown as a person, i opted for a fresh start. With that out of the way...

🛑 D O  N O T  I N T E R A C T with me if you are: 🛑

Under 18

MAP/Pear/pedophile

MAGA/Trump supporter

Anti-BLM

LGBTQIA+ exclusionist

Aphobic

Terf/Truscum/Transmed/Transphobic

Pro-life

Fatphobic

Pro-Blue Lives Matter

Panphobic

Proana/thinspo/meanspo

LGB/Trans-exclusionist/THAT kind of radfem

Enbyphobic/Non binary exclusionist

Pro Autism Speaks

Ableist

Anti MOGAI

Some stuff about me (I’ll try and update this as regularly as possible. Bigger sections separate blog info from personal info):

⚪ Anon? ⚪

I never go on anon to be honest. I’m gonna say what i say and show that it’s me saying it. However, i allow anon asks, so if you’re a little shy or whatever go ahead!

🎂 Birthday 🎂

March 11, 1996.

🐱 Cats or dogs? 🐶

😻 Cats! I love dogs too (Huskies especially!), but i’m a certified crazy cat lady. Currently caring for a calico, her name is Fornia. Like California. (’cause we live here)

🟪 Discord/Twitch 🟢

🄰🄽-🄸🄶🄼🄰 #2173

In addition i run a couple discord servers, Memescene and ArticleArchive.

ArticleArchive: https://discord.gg/z6jtvhKQRA - For educational purposes. We archive images and articles from Wikipedia, Wikimedia, and other sources to compile free information for people in studies. - Subjects like LGBT+, biology, topography, world cuisine and more are discussed and archived! 13+ MemeScene: https://discord.gg/nY4EpSe - Purely for sharing, creating and consuming meme media. Was started on April Fool’s day 2019 and has gained a small following! 13+ MyMOGAI: https://discord.gg/Y54C3Pae25 - I’ve recently started a new blog, @my-mogai​, which aims to represent little-known or little-supported branches of the LGBTQIA+ community, while also giving fandoms a boost of inclusiveness. 18+

https://www.twitch.tv/zourcherri

🎬 Favorite Film Genres? 🎬

Horror, Animation, Sci-Fi, Paranormal and some Romance and Comedy. Oh, and be sure to recommend me any good Musicals you find as well!

👾 Favorite Games? 👾

Terraria Final Fantasy 12 Borderlands 2/PreSequel Team Fortress 2 Nier: Automata Kingdom Hearts 1 SimCity

🐾 Furry? 🐾

🐾 Furry, 100%! (And it doesn’t mean i want to do anything inherently s*xual or gross. It just means i really like anthro character designs!) I have alot of furry OCs as well, which i’ll eventually get around to introducing.

🎮 Game Fandoms? 🎮

Borderlands, Animal Crossing, Kingdom Hearts, Nier, Final Fantasy, Gex, Monster Hunter, Terraria, Halo, Crash Bandicoot, Driver, Telltale, Team Fortress 2, Portal, Rhythm Heaven, Ace Attorney, Gosh there’s alot of ‘em to name here. I also love to discuss game lore, so feel free to send asks or DMs related to that stuff!

Hobbies

🎨 Art - Some traditional, but mostly digital and 3D. - I now have two side blogs i use, specially made for posting artwork and sharing other’s art. (l3m0n-l4dy, strawberry-scented-psx-logo) 🍴 Cooking - Started small, but now i have over 50+ original recipes. I’ll share one every now and then. - I’ll also share cooking tips and hacks. 🔊 Micspam - Be careful if you use Discord servers like Fortnite, Rainbow Six Siege, Valorant, PUBG/PUBG Mobile or Black Ops; i frequent these. I’ll post compilations of my micspam escapades from time to time. - I’ve also recently begun doing audio mashups and edits. 📷 Photography - I take out a digital camera sometimes to snap a pic of something outside i find neat, film some clouds, or take photos of animals. 📄 Writing - Another hobby i’m insecure about. I have a ton of drafts i add onto and add onto, but hardly ever share with anyone. Hopefully soon, i will. - I recently started an AO3 account, so this is picking up some steam at least.

📝 Nicknames? 📝

I’ve decided to start going by Cherri/Anigma.

But you can also call me Crystal, Krystal, or cry/krystie.

💞 My Besties 💞

Let me know if you want added to/removed from this list!

@kamkairo @handsome-jackoff @silverdashipper @angiethewitch @rust-4-life @gofficangel @of-faunsandyellowflowers @moniiirose @redback-phoenix-the-raptor @ginger-the-espeon​ @handsome-jackoff​ @michellespenscratchz​ @trans-bloblobber​

💌 My Favorite Blogs! 💌

Let me know if you want added to/removed from this list!

@snowysaur @dp2282 @fairy-space @shitposts-from-the-borderlands​ @politijohn @p4radox99 @cort3d​ @handsomepeacock​ @mens-rights-activia​ @sleepypotatostudio​ @captainshivers​ @holographicai​ @bastardfrog27​ @97tysons-trans-rat-emporium​ @fairy-space​ @mspareader​ @yinx1​ @thecutestdinosaur​

💕 Partner 💕

@p0rtalmadness is everything to me. I feel what a puppy feels when their human comes home to them with you. Love you, want you, need you. All the way.

We’re an open relationship, but we normally don’t bring it up until both sides are comfortable!

🕚 Queue 🕚

I didn’t use the queue that much until recently. It works, but i have to fight the queue menu sometimes to get it to work properly lol. Expect some posts and reblogs to be automatically posted from 3 - 7 AM, or 1 - 9 PM. There may be a few odd-hour posts here and there.

Sexuality

Pan all the way!

Side Blogs:

@strawberry-scented-psx-logo​ (Stims) @lime-psx-logo​ (Games) @l3m0n-l4dy​ (Fandoms)

...In closing...

Content posted is highly inconsistent, and a majority is just reblogs. In order to navigate my original works, use my URLs as tags.

Right now, i don’t have submissions enabled (on strawberry i do, just not this blog). I just don’t see what COULD be submitted as content. But, if i figure out something in the future, then you’ll see the option appear on my blog.

[sparring-spirals]

After very careful consideration I've decided: I don't trust The Traveler but I'm just so fucking amused by the happenstance of it all that. Goddammit. I'm here for it. The Traveler as a stressed out, panicking millennial with imposter syndrome up the fucking walls and the ever present I DIDNT SIGN UP FOR THIS OH SHIT. This whole thing as the god version of those looney tunes clips with the characters building traintracks right as they pass over em. Leading Jester and giving her calm, reassuring godly guidance while furiously flipping through How To God For Dummies books because oh fuck he can't let her down!!!!

Like, goddammit, Artagan, you better not have malicious intentions because this is all so hilarious if its this level of unintentional.

ps: my decision may be influenced by the sheer amount of fantastic shitposts about the traveler being produced by the fandom. yall are wonderful.

pps: also might be influenced by my eternal achilles heel of Relatable Content™ of panic improvising out of a crippling sense of How The Fuck Did I End Up Here. Because sometimes you're out there being like haha :), and someone takes you a little too seriously, and you just keep slip-n-sliding until suddenly you have Responsibilities And Expectations, You'll Do Great!!!! Why Do You Look So Worried

ppps: no, I didn't watch C1. yes, i learned about the dick-booty-call culminating in Curious Asphyxiation. yes, i am still confused.

[theewrites-tf2]

Thee goes from 0-to-100: The Oneshot

OKAY, Anon is now OFFICIALLY off, so I’m free to post this! Be warned, it’s LONG it’s a RANT, and I've been holding this in all day, right next to my finals-stress for college, so grab a helmet because it’s a bumpy ride.

Blocklists. Hate ‘em, love ‘em, make memes about them when they’re still relevant, they exist. While the purpose of their creation is still fully asinine to me, I must admit that the FIRST time I was placed on a list such as the one we have in our lovely fandom, I was surprised to say the least.

Thankfully, the memes and shitposts that followed helped my low-self esteem at the time to keep afloat, so now I can laugh about it, and when a SECOND blocklist rolled around, I was expecting to be able to laugh just as easily about this one.

Then I found out that not ONLY was the new blocklist poster ‘TOTALLY isn’t trying to start drama UwU’ but they’ve PROVEN this, by harassing and bullying a 16-year old for having a differing headcanon about a fictional character.

“Oh Thee, silly you!” You cry, “Surely you must be mistaken! Yes the blocklist is annoying and pointless, but surely this person isn’t BULLYING MINORS-!”

Our darling Blocklist poster, I allowed to make sure their name was blocked out for their privacy. But the sixteen year old, who made this post?

She REQUESTED I block her own URL, because she fears FURTHER harassment and bullying from this individual, and whomever else could come after her because she “speaks up about the blocklist.”

Let me repeat for y’all in the back:

Because a 16 year old MINOR had a different opinion with another blog, the Blocklist Poster decided to NOT exit the blog/go on a different tag/ go on a blog that shares their FICTIONAL HEADCANONS, instead they deliberately stayed and posted not once, but TWICE, responses full of insults and rude remarks over FICTIONAL HEADCANONS, to the point that the OP requested I block out her name in the screenshot so she wouldn’t be further hassassed.

See. I can HANDLE jokes on me, I can HANDLE the hate directed at me. What I don’t APPRECIATE, and what I will not TOLERATE, is people being bullied. Not on my time, not on my blog, and NOT in my fucking fandom.

Below is another message from the unnamed 16 year old blogger, who AGAIN requested that I not show her URL:

They sum it up pretty darn well (*clapclapclap*) SO I’m gonna move in with MY thoughts:

Every fandom has trash blogs. Every fandom has blogs you adore, every fandom has blogs you hate, but guess what? YOU, as the viewer who signed up for this website, YOU get to decide what blogs you do or don’t want to see. YOU get the power to block or unfollow if you don’t enjoy someone’s material. That is and SHOULD be YOUR, and YOUR decision alone.

There’s also this Magical thing called BACKSPACE. Meaning, if you do not ENJOY something, you can magically make it go away by backing away from it! Ain’t that something?!

Blocklist’s don’t do SHIT. They don’t and people who post them are attention-seeking, and demanding to be admired by the 0.2 people that actually listen to them.

Blocklists cause DRAMA. Last year, we had ANOTHER blocklist, one that actually sent several blogs into spirals, despite all the memes. These dumb, purposeless and needless lists cause unproblematic bloggers to second-guess themselves, lose inspiration or, worst yet, LEAVE.

But I can COMPLETELY get over that. I can handle that all, It’s shitty, but I can handle it. What I’m losing my shit over isn’t the damn blocklist. I’m losing my shit because

 PEOPLE GET FUCKING HURT OVER THIS ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS, NEEDLESS DRAMA

People are SCARED to speak up, because they’re worried about further bullying or overly-aggressive anons knocking at your door, OVER FICTIONAL FUCKING HEADCANONS?! Are some of us SERIOUSLY that so immature?!

*SIGH*

In a perfect world, I would ask the BL-Poster to delete the damn post, apologize to this young girl, and I would expect a mature response back, and we could be able to move this all behind us.

But no, I expect the OP would claim martyrdom after being called out on their BS, rally a small army of people-with-nothing-better-to-do and escalate this drama into huger proportions.

With that in mind, I’m going to ask something more SIMPLE for the Blocklist OP:

Own up to the fact you wanted to start some pointless shit. Own up to the fact that you want to instigate pointless drama, because your childish actions CLEARLY showcase that you want this attention more than anything. Own up to the fact that you got SO bored one day, you decided that instead of calling out ACTUAL blogs that should be blocked, you decided to get your fifteen-minutes and call out blogs who have more followers than you.

So go ahead: BE FUCKING PROUD. You’re a childish, small and insignificant bully who got their 25-seconds of fame, WOOPDIEFUCKINGDO. You scared a teenager to the point that they don’t even want to post this on their own blog, WAY TO GO. And you UNSUCCESSFULLY defended a fictional character, with the cost only being that you had to bully a literal CHILD to do so, BRA-FUCKING-VO.

Do NOT try and claim innocence or ‘I-i didn’t mean to cause drama UwU’ You know EXACTLY what you did, you know EXACTLY what would happen as soon as you hit ‘Post’, and everyone else does to, so don’t even try playing that card.

Save all of us the time and energy, and just own up to the fact that YOU wanted to instigate the needless fandom drama, so we can speed up the process of you throwing a hissy fit, logging off for some ‘break from the drama’, all of us laughing and making memes, and forgetting this whole affair by next week. 

Now excuse me while I go draft the shitposts, eat popcorn and watch the haters try to go on anon in my askbox, because I feel like THAT part will be the most entertaining thing about this whole affair

Peace and Love,

[pro-bee]

Houses aren’t the only things in need of fixing

(this went from a 1am shitpost to an actual fic. This was not the story I meant to write this week, but it is the one we need, apparently.)

Paris is everything they ever wanted. It is an absolute dream.

But it is not home.

With the passing months, she feels the pang, even as she strolls along the Seine and sips her coffee at their favourite cafés and walks her daughter hand-in-hand to school every morning and exchanges polite Comment allez-vous aujourd’hui Ziva? / Bien merci, et vous? with the other parents on her way out the door.

It was inevitable, then, that she and Tony find themselves packing up their beloved French pied-à-terre once summer rolls around, and crossing the Atlantic once again, for good, to return to their home, their actual home, in DC.

They are every bit the HGTV cliché as they begin house-hunting in the city, until they finally settle on a brownstone with just enough of a backyard to seem like a novelty to Parisian-apartment-raised Tali, but tall enough hedges for Ziva to feel safe. 

(Part of her craves the anonymity of living in the middle of a chaotic city. The other part of her wants to move to a farmhouse in the middle of the country where their only neighbours are miles away and they can remain forever cocooned. These thoughts she knows she must temper every day.)

The townhouse is close enough to the bustle for all of them to get their walkable-city fix after living abroad for so long, but gives them just that much more breathing room to relax into their new surroundings.

It just fits.

One day, just after they move in, every room still covered in boxes, Gibbs stops by to check in. (He's determined to make a better effort of this. So is she.)

"Nice place you got here."

"Thanks. We fell in love with the neighbourhood as soon as we found it. The houses have so much character. Tali’s new school is great.” 

He's looking up at the crown mouldings, faint cracks visible in patches.

"Bit of a fixer-upper."

She notices his stare.

"Oh, yes, that. The inspection said the bones were good, mostly, but it needed a little ABC."

He squints for a second, but then he realizes what she meant and chuckles.

She doesn't know what is so funny, but she's long since learned to press on.

"A lot of it is just cosmetic. But we do have some projects on our hands. The kitchen has not been touched since the eighties, but is functional for the moment. The bathroom upstairs is a gut job. And Tony wants to refinish the basement to turn it into his dream home theatre." She rolls her eyes at that last point, but her lips turn upward in a familiar smile. "We are going to look for contractors once we settle in."

He gives the moulding another glance before they move on to work and friends and milestones. (They do this now. Again.)

The following Saturday, Gibbs shows up at their house at 8am, coffee in one hand, and toolbox in the other. To say Ziva is confused when she answers the door is an understatement, her puzzled expression asking the question for her. He sidesteps around her as he pushes through the entrance, past the staircase, heading left towards the living room. 

"You're better off getting some of this stuff out of the way first. Otherwise you're just gonna have to pack everything back up when you start renovating."

"What are you talking about?"

"The mouldings are a quick fix. Just gotta patch 'em up and repaint. The bathroom, it's a pain, but it's small, and once we tear it all down, I should be able to get that redone pretty quickly. The kitchen is a bigger job, we might need to get someone in for that one. The basement shouldn't be too hard, if DiNozzo helps to take down the old drywall and insulate it so he doesn't complain about freezing when he's watching those Super Galactic Revenger movies."

Tali, still clad in her pajamas, abandons her cartoons and comes to greet them, curious about the commotion, and about the older man her parents both seem to know so well, even though he is a stranger to her.

“Hey, Tali, wanna give me a hand? You can help me bring some of this stuff in from my truck.”

The girl doesn’t need to be told twice. She makes a beeline out the open door, barefoot and all frenetic energy, excited at being given a task in this strange affair.

Ziva tries to call out to Tali to come back and put her shoes on, except she doesn’t even know what is happening herself.

“Gibbs, you cannot be serious. I would not dream of asking you to... renovate our home,” she manages to finally stammer out, unsure of what she could possibly say.

“You didn’t ask. I’m offering.”

“Gibbs,” she softens, touched at the gesture but overwhelmed at the magnitude of it, “it is too much work. And you already have a full-time job.”

“Yeah, and I bet I could still get it done faster than some of those bozos out there who do this for a living. At least you’ll know it’ll get done right. Besides, I’ll have help.” He flashes a conspiratorial grin to Tali, who has by now returned with a bucket of paint brushes, and she giggles in response, instantly in favour of whatever is going on here. (Maybe leaving everything she knew and coming here wasn’t so bad after all.)

Ziva presses her lips together, words failing her, but that doesn’t matter, because her mentor is a man of few words himself. He meets her gaze and he nods at her, silently pleading with her to let him do this for her, for them. To let him take care of them. 

“Old houses like this, they’re beautiful. They’ve got stories to tell. But they got scars that need to heal too, only they can’t do it on their own. So that’s where we come in, fixing what needs to be fixed and bringing them back to their former glory, better than ever for their next chapter. New memories.”

She understands him completely.

“Thank you.”

It hardly seems sufficient. Yet it is everything.

He smiles at her, one of those ones that makes his eyes crinkle and give her a glimpse of the boyish charm she knew he must have possessed before he lost his way. (Like she had, she supposes.)

“We’re gonna do these mouldings first to get them out of the way. After that I’m gonna take measurements in the bathroom so we can figure out what we’re dealing with, and take it from there.” 

He returns the next day with even more coffee, and a child-sized belt with miniature tools for Tali, along with rough sketches of their plan for the bathroom.

And this is how, over the course of the following months, Gibbs becomes a fixture in their home, quickly earning the respect of his pint-sized apprentice who spends hours at a time observing him work, even in silence. 

(For anyone who has met the youngest DiNozzo, they know keeping her quiet is perhaps the biggest feat of them all.) 

Together on their upturned crates, they sit and work and sip on their juice boxes (the harder stuff will have to wait), as the house becomes a home.

For all of them.

[thethousandyearwitch]

“Tumblr Cultings” another Shitpost fic.

Hisoka is a ~~Tumblr Influencer~~ and decides to start drama. 1334 Words. 

fanfiction.net link

Click. Clack. Click. Hisokas nails tapped quickly against his phone screen. "Tonight it's going down. I have had e-nough of a certain person here, and all of you deserve to know who and why! ~ ♠️ " Post. He didn't have to wait long before the familiar pings and blops of instant messages and questions asked to his blog started.

Anonymous: Who is it?? (≧▽≦) So excited to see you tear someone a new one!! IM from cutiepanther: where do u even get your info from lol?. IM from chaineddown: I Thought You Were Done Creating Drama For Attention. 

Hisoka snickers to himself, lazily grabbing another whiteclaw from the fridge, before retreating to his bedroom desk. He takes a first sip of his drink while opening his laptop, and quickly going on tumblr.com once it has finished setting up. @Bubblegumbitch, 20.879 followers. 7.344 posts. 27 new asks, 7 new IMs. With a satisfied sigh, the popular blogger sets down his can, and cracks his knuckles.

YouTube Influencers make a lot of money through ad-revenue. Instagram influencers hold themselves over water with sponsorships. And though Hisoka did hold a platform on both of these as well, he preferred the more traditional customs of the blogging site. You don't get paid for having a lot of followers, or making popular posts, and sponsorships are almost entirely unheard of.  But he wasn't in it for the money anyway. The drama was far more alluring. Hisoka had made his starts as a "Tumblr influencer" through creating blog layouts, masterposts of custom themes, and the occasional "funny" post, which was usually just him vagueing about someone that pissed him off that day. His first call-out post he wrote at 7k followers, calling out a far bigger blogger than he is for stealing codes for their theme and for kinning a character from a TV show that has generally been frowned upon on Tumblr for being "atrocious and a bad influence". No one likes to admit it, but everyone loves a little drama, don't they? To see someone else's dirty laundry aired out, the relief that it isn't their own, the community effort of shutting someone out of their reigns for one simple post. A satisfied Huff escapes Hisoka as he dwells in this lovely memory. Time to make a new one.

"CALLOUT POST for @spidershead13 I can't believe I would ever have to do this for someone like him, but Chrollo has definitely pushed it too far~. Definitely don't harrass him, just unfollow and block his sorry ass!~ ♣️ ."

Excitiment starts to bubble under Hisokas skin. In truth, of course, Chrollo did nothing horribly wrong, nothing at least that Hisoka could proof. But everyone likes good drama between popular blogs that follow different themes. If this post could rile him up enough to write a callout post for Hisoka in return- Blop. IM from porcelaincat: Hisoka. Oh no, the fun police. Bubblegumbitch: Yeeeees?~ ♥️ Porcelaincat: Are you not too old to start petty fights online? Bubblegumbitch: OUCH. ♠️ Bubblegumbitch: I stay young at heart, dear.~ Porcelaincat: 1) Gross. 2). Who are you bullying this time? Bubblegumbitch: Chrollo @spiderhead13 :o) Porcelaincat: I am surprised, I honestly did not take you for that stupid. My fault.

Ouch. Illumi never cared if he was hurting feelings. Maybe he should write the call-out post about Hisoka. Though Hisoka doesn't have any viable dirt on him, not yet at least, not until he finds that porn blog that hes SURE Illumi has hidden away somewhere. Whatever, fuck that guy and his voice of reason. Hisoka takes another gulp of his whiteclaw, and goes back to typing.

"It has come to my attention, that multiple people have had the same unpleasant experience with Chrollo, something you cannot let slide so easily~." 

(Multiple people meaning one fake blog that he himself created to write himself IM messages "receipts".)

"In the following screenshots, one person tells me about how Chrollo tried to convince them to come visit him in Newyork and joins his 'church'! That's right, the guys a cult leader, trying to lure in more people from here!~ (Blogname in the Screenshots is blacked out for anonymitys sake ofc)."

Was he going too far, trying to convince everyone that Chrollo was a Cult leader probably out to harvest their organs? Or was he not going far enough

"Not sure what everyone was expecting of a goth blog like his, posting all that ~deep~ and ~brooding~ stuff, but pleeaaaseee stay clear of him now, don't let yourselves get pulled into some scary cult bs~ ♦️ .

#callout #calloutpost #internetbloodsports #cult. "

And post. Hisoka spins excitedly in his chair, self satisfied with his own hubris.  Immediately more blops and pings storm in. Anonymous: I knew chrollo was a weirdo, mayor bad vibes ಠωಠ Anonymous: thank you for talking about this, honestly scary!!!!! Spiderslegtostandon: What is your damage? Hisoka chuckles. Now only to wait for- IM from spidershead13: Hello. Chrollos timing was as usual, perfect. Bubblegumbitch: Why hello~~~~ ♠️ Spidershead13: I believe we need to talk about whatever that post was. Hisoka glances at the notes, a steady stream of likes and reblogs flowing in. Damage control is gonna be hard for the opposing side.

Bubblegumbitch: Sorry, I believe I'm just warning the people about you~. Didn't take you for such a dangerous guy :o( Spidershead13: Can you give me the @ of the person sending you those messages? Obviously they must have gotten something wrong. I'd never Invite just anyone to come over here, and I'd also never force my beliefs on anyone. Bubblegumbitch: Sorry, no can do. Who says you're not going to doxx em~. ♠️ I don't want to be responsible for putting someone in danger more than they already are~.

The influencer was now just leaning back in his chair, taking in a cool nights-breeze flowing in from the window. Was Chrollo mad? He's sure he'd want to punch him right now. What will he start Hisokas call-out with? Who would people believe more? It was all so exciting.

Spidershead13: Hisoka, this is nothing to joke about. I don't want to loose the trust of my community. I want to clear my name. Bubblegumbitch: if you can proof that I, or my informant has lied, I won't stop you from trying.~ ♣️ Spidershead13: Is this another childish game to you? Bubblegumbitch: A game? I take public safety extremely serious!~ :o(

No reply for 10 minutes. Hisoka bites his bottomlip, basking in the excitement of the unknown next moves of Chrollo. He was unpredictable, and thats what made him fun to toy with. If he was simply out to ruin someone's blogging experience, he could have cherry picked any one popular blog, dig long enough for dirt, and run them off the site in less than 2 hours. But that's predictable, that's normal, where's the fun in that?

Ping. Anonymous: Where's the Call-out?? Did you bitch out? Huh? Anonymous: did you delete the post? Was about to forward it to some friends who r mutuals with chrollo Pardon? Hisoka check his blog, and behold- The post is gone. Wooshed away, as the site itself would annoyingly proclaim. Did the site glitch out and delete it? Is it simply not displaying the post? 

Spidershead13: So you did fake those screenshots, I assume. The URL in your IMs leads to an empty blog with the same IP address as you Spidershead13: I did not take you for someone who'd stoop that low. Bubblegumbitch: Hahaha what did you DO?~ ♠️  ♠️ ♠️ ♠️ ♠️ Spidershead13: Had a friend of mine 'check' your blog. He was also nice enough to delete the post for you already.

Hisoka blinks. Once. Then twice. He's been hacked. This was going even better than he had anticipated. Quickly he screenshots the conversation, before hitting "New Textpost". " !!!I'VE BEEN HACKED BY @SPIDERSHEAD13!!!! [Screenshot] #callout #callout post #internbloodsports #hacker"

Post.

Ping. Blop. Blop. Blop. Ping. This was going to be a long, delicious night.

[closetedotaku01]

i rlly hope youll keep writing after Kinktober, bc as a writer myself i see so much potential in your writing. it's already great, but it really reminds me of my own writing from a year or two back. i was the one who asked how long you've been writing & i've been writing fanfic for 7 years so its cool to see how good you already are. youre going to improve so much over time & i'm really excited to see it, you do so many things in your stories well & theyre only going to get better! (1/2)

THIS GOT SO LONG IM SORRY!!!

This.... I—. WARMED MY HEART!! Pick a name or emoji or whatever you want and you are an official anon!! Also this got long so.. READ MORE IF YA WANNA!!

Thank you so much for saying you see potential. Sometimes I’m really.... unhappy with my work and feel like I can’t improve and this just... MADE ME SO HAPPY!! Like... hearing it from someone who does write💜💜💜💜💜 makes my whole life.

I’m so excited to keep growing and I hope you stay for the journey because this is so sweet. Maybe casually come off anon way down the road (so I can’t guess) just so I can read some of your work too 👉👈. And no worries there will be more after Kinktober. I am really enjoying this and have no plans to stop writing any time soon.

~~~~

Okay so my favorite published authors are Jandy Nelson (I’ll Give You The Sun is a book I reread constantly. It’s my comfort book. I swear if my soul was anywhere besides my body, there’s a piece of it trapped in that book.), Fredrick Backman (specifically And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer), Brigid Kemmerer (literally all of the books she’s published with Bloomsbury I’ve read and adored), and Neal Schusterman (Specifically the Arc of a Scythe Trilogy). They all write in ways that affect me deeply and they mean a lot to me. I don’t necessarily try to emulate them, but they definitely are the authors I consult (by reading and rereading their works) to get ideas and to learn how to write.

~~~~

Fanfic authors. I think I’ve made it pretty damn clear on here that I am hopelessly in love with @imaginethathaikyuu (I’m still too scared to tag her I’m sorry) and her writing. She means the whole world to me in every way. Her writing always hits me in a MAGICAL way. Especially her newer pieces. Works of hers that hit hard for me are: (please note this list is not comprehensive. These are just the FIRST ONES that came to mind. All her work is objectively great.) 

-Tsukishima accidentally teases his s/o’s insecurity - this one holds my heart.

-Heated argument with Tsukishima - this is the angst I adore. Honestly, this might be one of my TOP TOP favorites, because it feels so real. 

-Morning sex with Tsukishima -just the line “theyre your tits!” That’s all. Brings me serotonin beyond words. And it feels so genuine and lovely. Again... she makes the world so real. Also in my TOP TOP favs. (Is my Tsukki love showing too much?)

-Helping you when you can’t sleep - This is beyond words beautiful

-Helping you study - PLEASE I NEED THIS NOW

-Tanaka finding out his s/o is pregnant - YES! SHE DOES TANAKA SO WELL

-Tanka asks Kiyoko to dance.... but she says no - SO WELL 

-Riding Headcanons -🙈

-S/O is nervous about him going down on her  -because who ISNT the first time?

-Learning about your self-harm scars -hits close to home and Iwa’s makes me cry every time.

-Akaashi making it up to you after a fight -my favorite color is literally purple 💜

-Bokuto’s s/o has a nightmare - I literally revisit this one whenever I have a nightmare

- Kinktober 2019 - ALL .... but the ones I revisit the most are Tsukishima’s, Oikawa’s, Futakuchi’s, Yaku’s, Iwa’s, Yamaguchi’s, and Matsukawa’s.

-Kinktober 2020 - please GOD read Kuroo’s, Mattsun’s, Iwa’s, Suna’s, and Atsumu’s. They’re all immaculate but those in PARTICULAR were MASTERPIECES.

-Having an angsty fight - particularly Kuroo’s GETS TO ME. Like... damn. Makes me... melt. Idek why. It’s just, again, how real she makes it feel. From the atmosphere and setting to the way the characters behave. A lot of times in “argument angst” (is that a term?) the arguments feel so shallow and stupid. And I’m like “on my moodiest days I wouldn’t react like that” or “Kuroo WOULD NEVER”. But these feel so real. Ughhhh.

-You give Kenma a gift mid-stream 

-Kenma gets turned on during a stream - can you tell I love the way she writes streamer Kenma 😌 also this is my fav nsfw-esque Kenma piece solely because it feels accurate to his character in a beautiful way despite me headcanoning that he’s ace.

-Oikawa’s s/o wakes up without him there

-Iwaizumi getting.... caught.... by Makki and Mattsun... with you  -Give Iwa More Love 2020

-Tendo teasing his s/o by ... taking care of himself - One of the first Em pieces I ever read. I don’t think it was THE first. But it was definitely the first one I read like... RIGHT AFTER she posted it.

-Tendo comforting s/o who’s parents yell - hits very close to home for me, and I just wanted him to come whisk me away the first time I read this

-7MIH with Tendo  -hehe I love this more than anything. Also Ushijima’s ONE line makes me CACKLE. I’m in love with this one

-This two part series with Atsumu (1) (2) -haha I reread these too often

-Kneel to Pray  (Sakusa) -I have not even one criticism or negative thought. Not one. And I’ve read this TOO many times.

-Tough boys are soft for you - two of the best boys

- Countdown to Christmas - Days 6,7,11, and 12 are the ones I reread the most

THIS IS SO BAD!! I WENT STRAIGHT TO THESE AND DIDN’T THINK IT WAS THAT MANY COS I REREAD THESE ONES REGULARLY. (And there’s a lot more theatre good. Please explore her blog! It’s WONDERFUL) Sorry for spending too much time on Em’s blog, but also.... not sorry cos she’s amazing and all of these pieces inspire me.  I’ll try to be fast for the rest of these ahfihfadsfsjfh.

 @star-puff (catch a theme of me being scared of talented authors)’s piece La Lune and her Fleur d’Amour event (search #fleur d’amour on her blog) are so creative and beautiful and truly show how talented she is. She’s amazing. EDIT: I’m adding this as soon as I’ve read it because it just made me cry. Omg. Read this. Tsukishima royalty AU it is angst though so 👀 read at your own risk. EDIT: On GOD Meg could murder me and I’d say thanks. Please read this beautiful time stamp shit it makes me HAPPY. 

UPDATE: And Meg is now responsible for the most canon Tsukki piece I’ve ever read. 

There’s a cute SMAU called Sunshine by @pudding-head-kenma and idk how she does it. It’s so good. I could never tell a story this complex, THIS WELL, using only text messages and tweets and such. She also does mini headcanons that are REALLY cute.

Anything and everything by @haik-choo is gold. Literal gold. The way she writes Tsukishima is IMMACULATE. Toxic headcanons, mischaracterizations all of its gold. And she’s a beautiful shitposter. She drops shit that makes me CACKLE at the most random times. All of it is a big yes for me.

UPDATE: this is gold.

Of course I’ve read In Another Life and OF COURSE I sobbed. Took me AN HOUR to read because I kept having to take breaks to just.... sob. VERY MUCH A HEAVY DUTY ANGST. Not for the weak of heart. BokuAka. This is probably the oldest piece I’ve read that still HITS for me. 

There are other pieces but I can’t remember them.... probably will come back and add to this post later.

Thank you for this ask. Thank you for being so kind and inspiring. I was kinda worried about releasing anything I’ve ever written and still get nervous sometimes so this ask makes me feel a hell of a lot better and makes me feel like I’m joining a WONDERFUL community like... Look at all that talent ^^^^.

[cloudydoodle-moved]

TTTEEEELLLL MEEEEE about ur fave chara and I will read it when i wake up!!!!!!

AAAAAA you mean inosuke?!?!?!?! koto you’ve got a big storm coming because oh god i love him so much????? like, seriously, this is a whole essay. [577 words]

THANK U FOR ASKING THO MWAH ILY....UNDER THE CUT <3 if this isn’t what you meant i’m so sorry AHAHHA...

this is a MESS OOPS.... there’s links here and there but you don’t have to click on em!

INOSUKE HASHIBIRA!!!!!! my favorite character ever, somehow...

you can probably tell that he’s absolutely feral. like, seriously. if you watch this you’ll get a pretty good grasp of his character (warning: the music for a clip gets weirdly loud at 0:48. it isn’t bass boosted levels but jic). AKJHDKJ....

his introduction to the main gang is in episode 11~12! he tries to kill nezuko (who’s in her box, since demons can’t go into the sun) while zenitsu (cheese hair) tries his best to protect her and gets beaten up in the process! great first impression! :D

and blah blah blah, stuff happens, his boar mask falls off, zenitsu’s like “EHHHH?!?! A WOMAN?!?!?!” despite him literally being shirtless, and tanjiro says some Pretty Gay Stuff About His Face, Ngl. and then he gets knocked out by one of tanjiro’s headbutts + eventually joins their group.

ANYWAYS!!! onto more of his actual personality!!!!

not only is he feral, but he’s canonically illiterate, too. which is...really funny. how does he talk + know what his name is, you ask?? he learned to speak from this old guy he came across, and his name’s written on his loincloth thing (which that same old guy also told him)

baby ino’s fucking adorable btw AHAHAHJKG....feral little baby :)

he’s feral for a reason, though! he was raised by boars after being orphaned as a baby, so he doesn’t know much about social cues or what kindness is like.

SPEAKING OF KINDNESS!!!! whenever someone shows him it, this happens. funky shojo bubbles! fuwa fuwa!!! it’s sorta representing fuzzy warm feeling/gratitude, and it’s really really cute??? 

he eventually learns what friendship is like. which is obviously new to him. and he loves tanjiro, zenitsu, and nezuko!! while he’s got kind of a big ego (”THE GREAT INOSUKE-SAMA!!!!”) he learns how to fight alongside others + starts to Actually Think.

fun fact! people call those four the kamaboko gang, since inosuke’s absolutely terrible with names, and when tanjiro says “i have a name, y’know! it’s kamado tanjirou!”, inosuke replies with utmost confidence,

“kamaboko gonpachiro!!!!! i’m gonna bring you down!!!”

rumor has it he gets someone’s name right every 1 out of 7 times! which leads to some fun nicknames for the others. (kentaro + monitsu are the ones i can think of atm)

there was also this quote from him in the manga thinking about tanjiro and zenitsu: “we’re comrades, like brothers. if someone strays from the path, the rest has to stop him together.” and AAAAAAHGHGJH!!!!!!!!!!

his backstory is...actually pretty sad (ex: he didn’t even know who his mother was until he met the demon that killed her) when it’s revealed, bUT IT’S NOT TIME FOR ANGST RIGHT NOW!!

oh, and, his boar head/mask thing is confirmed to be his boar-mom’s head, iirc!

i dont think it was ever revealed why he wears it, but it’s either ‘cuz he keeps it as a sort of trinket or to cover up his pretty face so people don’t underestimate him. at least thats what quora said lol

overall, it’s probably a bit dumb, but he makes me really happy. even just a shitpost / dumb doodle of him makes me smile.

inosuke might be competitive and wild and dumb, but he’s still sweet and genuine at heart. practically every scene that he’s in is really fun to watch, and i just??? really love him??? yeah. :3c 

also he does this pose, which proves that he’s fucking perfect.