#they install a sith empire

[rooksunday]

thinking about the narrative of clones “being made for the jedi” and there has to be a nonzero number of them that take the idea of ‘okay fine who is the diametric opposite of the jedi because stuff that’ and that’s how the lost battalion become the most fervent sith-sniffer-outerers in the galaxy. just turn up at dooku’s doorstep like, hi hello we’re your army let’s smush those jedi xoxo

and otoh this is playing into his master’s plan! wonderful discord!

otoh now he has two thousand badly socialised ten year olds tromping around his house and gardens what are you— would you put that DOWN— that’s not the right fork would you— okay everybody new plan, it’s time for the fine sith art of sitting very quietly while daddy deals with his headache okay

[fanfic-obsessed]

Time Given and Taken

This one is another time travel fix-it, also somewhat AU even beyond the time travel.  Our time travelers are Obi Wan Kenobi and Commander Cody, both from after their own deaths.  Let’s even put it after the Empire falls. 

They have reunited and through Force Shenanigans are sent back to five years before the Clone wars start (dealers choice if they chose to go back or just found themselves back in time), they land specifically on Ord Mantel, their bodies have been reformed at peak age and physical fitness (Late 20’s), there is not chip in Cody’s head and his aging has been slowed to match Obi Wan’s force assisted aging (Look if the Force has to build their bodies anyway it might as well get the best results possible); but we’ll get back to them in a moment. 

Now The Force did have to make some preparations for them, as it could not have two versions of the same soul existing in this universe at the same time.  Thus, in this universe,during the Naboo crisis Padawan Obi Wan Kenobi died in place of his Master Qui Gon Jinn. Jinn was still struck by Maul and Obi Wan did still bisect the Sith, but then the Padawan used a nearly unknown healing technique to heal Qui Gon at the expense of his own life.  Padawan Obi Wan’s last words to his master were ‘You said the boy needed to be trained, now you can’. He was mourned by everyone who knew him. 

That same year Unit CC-2224 was decanted stillborn, which happened at about the same rate of stillborns/miscarriages in natborn births. The Kaminoans did the typical cursory exam to make sure there was not a larger issue, and found that there had been a small difference in the nutrients in CC-2224’s growth pod that resulted in the stillbirth. No one knew to mourn the being he would have been at all. 

Having Qui Gon Jinn as a master did not actually make things better, or easier, for Anakin; though it also could be argued that it did not make things significantly worse either. It was different though. Though Qui Gon had more experience than Obi Wan would have in the original timeline, there were other issues now at play.  And Anakin was growing up in the blinding light of the memory of Obi Wan Kenobi, the perfect Jedi padawan who killed a Sith then died to save someone.  He was also growing up in the shadow of Xanatos, the talented, powerful former padawan that Fell and died a decade ago.  This is offset, just a bit, by Feemor coming back, telling Qui Gon that he could kriff off with his repudiation and installed himself as Anakin’s Padawan brother (“like I should have with little Obi Wan”). It is made worse by Anakin overhearing the wrong parts of a few conversations that heavily implied Obi Wan died because he felt he had little left to live for (Because Obi Wan was being replaced by Anakin)

It is likely that, left alone, growing up with the ghost (in tha he haunted the narrative, not that he was actually there) of Obi Wan would have made Anakin resentful of his dead padawan brother.  However Palpatine, who he still had frequent private meetings with (look no one was suspicious of this happening the first time around, Qui Gon would likely not have felt it was suspicious either), never met any potential resentment that he could not turn to his advantage.  Instead of letting resentment grow for Obi Wan, Palpatine instead leaned into this saintly memory of a young man Anakin only spent a little time with (a lot of, ‘I’m sure young Obi Wan would not have treated you like that’), something similar to what he supposedly did with Qui Gon in canon.  Basically polishing the image of Obi Wan Kenobi in Anakin’s head until the dead Padawan could do no wrong. Palpatine could have eventually used the memory of Obi Wan to further separate Anakin from the Jedi (“The Jedi let Obi Wan Die/Got Obi Wan Killed because he was the last good Jedi” kind of rhetoric).  

Had the dead man stayed dead. 

With that established we step back to 5 years before the Clone wars were due to break out, Ord Mantel, where Cody and Obi Wan find themselves appearing, young bodies, old minds, and a small amount of the local currency (not enough to destabilize the economy, but enough to start gambling with). They quickly, and quietly, win enough money to buy a small cruiser (taking care to keep their individual ins small enough not to catch the attention of anyone), just big enough for the two of them. 

Then they make their way to Kamino.

They very deliberately decide not to go to the Jedi just yet. There are a number of reasons.  Some are trauma based (the last time Obi Wan was Coruscant he was walking through the ruins of the temple and finding the bodies of children; the last time Cody was on Coruscant he was deserting the empire after Desix). Some are for practicality(Coruscant is Palapatines domain already; They do not realize that their alternate selves are dead here and do not want to run into Knight Obi Wan).  But the main reason comes from the fact that Order 66 caused two genocides, Jedi and Clone. They both reasoned that, while focusing on preventing the Jedi genocide (Going to the Jedi, killing Palpatine) would not necessarily prevent the Clones from being abused, used, and trapped by the chips, Freeing the Clones would, by the very nature of what happened, prevent the Jedi from being killed. 

So they go to Kamino. Talk their way into Tipoca City and to speak with Jango Fett.  First they help Jango remove his head from his ass and realize exactly what he did (effectively selling his genetic children into slavery to destroy a culture for revenge he was clinging to in order to keep from facing his culpability in what happened-Not only were the Jedi lied to at Galidraan, Jango shot first; he escalated things and it backfired on him). It took a few days (and included bringing Jango and Boba down to one of the creche rooms holding the clones the same physical age as Boba, putting Boba in clone uniform and asking Jango to try and pick him from the crowd. Jango promptly had a panic attack when he was face to face with 200ish Boba’s and unable to look away from the reality of what he was doing).

SIDE NOTE: Has anyone else noticed the parallel between Jango Fett and Maul. Both were obsessed with getting revenge for situations where they suffered from being in the instigator and losing. Essentially they fucked around, found out, and decided to get revenge, and it cost them everything they had left.  

Once Cody and Obi Wan actually got through to Jango, they told him everything. Being from the future, what Project Knightfall actually did, Cody talking about what it was like under the control of the chips, of never realizing why he betrayed his Jedi general or was willing to hunt down Force users, of waking up after the chip was removed and realizing exactly what he had done, Of the brothers he had lost to suicide, due to the horror of what had happened. They talked about the Empire and what it did to Mandalore. 

The three of them decided what to do next.  

Jango, looking at himself realistically for the first time in a decade, realizes quickly that he should not take the mantle of Mand’alor again. He was too young the first time, but had been growing into the role. Had Galidraan not happened, he likely would have been a good leader, but it did and the years of slavery (with its exposure to Spice) plus the trauma from Galidraan made their mark. Jango would, however, throw his support behind Cody as Mand’alor (Cody made sure it was clear that Jango would also be throwing in his support behind Obi Wan as Cody’s Jedi husband, alternately Cody and Obi Wan would share the Mand’alor title. Jango was fine with that).  

It is also decided, after much debate, that they would also inform the Kaminoans of the fate of their species in the original timeline (destroyed as soon as they could be) and get their cooperation.  There had been consideration for simply taking Kamino, or Tipoca city, but it was decided that it was simply more work than it was worth.  It took two months (during which Obi Wan and Cody functioned as additional trainers for the Cadets) before they were ready to present the truth to Lama Su. Thankfully they had enough working knowledge of things they should not, and were able to get enough proof of what they had to say, that they were able to convince Lama Su that aligning with the Sith would doom the Kaminoans; an if there was one thing the Kaminoan valued more than profit, it was their own survival. 

The Clone project, overall, was at a point where communication between the project and the Sith was infrequent at best (so that attention was not drawn to a seemingly empty patch of space too early), so Tyranus did not have cause to notice that Kamino started ghosting him (It should be noted that they also kept cashing his checks, ostensibly so that he would not notice anything wrong). 

With the Kaminoans on their side now, Cody, Obi Wan, and Jango got to work.  There were a few trainers that did need to be killed outright (Priest and Reau, whom Cody got to kill during one of the cage fights they were arranging-which forever endeared him to the Clone cadets, especially the batch he would have belong to in another life, who were around 10 years old developmentally,  who found themselves drawn to Cody, the trainer that looked so much like Jango Fett that he could have been a clone himself), and a few that asked to be paid so they could leave (and were paid extras so that Obi Wan could remove the details of what as going on from their mind, for safety reasons), but most were willing to follow Cody and Obi Wan as soon as it was clear that Jango has sworn himself to them (non sexually and non romantically, Jango is very AroAce, and very Sex/Romance repulsed). 

The next step is starting to remove the already embedded chips, which went quickly with the help of the Kaminoans, and partially demilitarizing the education of the cadets.  While they would be Mandalorians (as a warrior culture there is a certain level of military in their education) the cadets training would no longer be solely focused on being soldiers and nothing else.  The Kaminoans also keep cloning (Technically the original order was for 1 million clones for the Jedi, they may be taking Tyranus’s money and ghosting him, but they would fulfill their contract-It was decided by the Kaminoan Council that Obi Wan qualified as ‘Jedi’ for the purposes of the contract, so giving him the clones is really fulfilling their written contract)

Cody and Obi Wan, with the council from the remaining trainers and Jango, decided that they would spend the years between their arrival and one year before the Clone Wars was due to start on Kamino, still largely out of contact with the wider galaxy. In that time they develop their own culture (their own version of ‘how to be mandalorian’ built in part from the remaining True Mandalorians, the clone culture Cody brought from the previous timeline mixing with the ever evolving clone culture of the current timeline-which quickly became different from how Cody remembered it, Part of the Jedi traditions that Obi Wan brought with him from the previous timeline-some of which he may or may not remember correctly due to trauma and the length of time he spent repressing those memories). They also worked over talking points on how to unite their faction with the New Mandalorians, including going over what traditions/parts of their culture they would be willing to relinquish as a compromise and what parts they absolutely will not.  On Jango’s occasional trips out into the wider galaxy, to take jobs, he makes a point to get as close to Keldabe as he can to get a feel for the New Mandalorian as a faction (Obi Wan has inside knowledge, but it may be early or outdated is all kinda colored with ‘Satine died in my arms and it was my fault’). There was also a concerted effort to discreetly acquire enough ships for everyone. 

So we are one year before the Clone Wars were due to erupt. Palpatine is on Coruscant waiting for the perfect opportunity to enact his plan, believing that he had a handy clone army at the ready for the war he has been fanning. Tyranus, who has still not realized he has not spoken to Kamino in about 4 years, is quietly building his forces with the droid armies about 4 months from being completed. 

The Newer True Mandalorians (The name suggestion was from Rex’s-He still picked the same name and was adopted by Codywan along with Fox and Ponds, batch; the name is being workshopped) leave Kamino for Concord Dawn. They take with them a treaty between them and the Kaminoans that includes mutual protection, a live and let live clause, a few NDA’s about the Kamnoan’s gene manipulation process,  and a decent trade agreement where the Kaminoans provide genetic research and the clones provide free advertising for the success of the Kaminoans cloning process. 

Basically out of nowhere, as far as the galaxy is concerned, the True Mandalorians reemerge after being all but wiped out almost 20 years prior, and in far greater numbers than they had before. Numbers that sharply spike, as outcasts from the New Mandalorians and Death Watch, plus other remnants of the True Mandalorians flock to their banner. These are great enough numbers that when they reach out to discuss a treaty, and a possible merger for factions, with the New Mandalorians, the New Mandalorians actually take it seriously.   

This faction, the entire galaxy is surprised to learn, is being led by someone who looks an awful lot like Jango Fett, but is clearly not since Jango Fett is standing next to him (by this point Cody and Jango call ach brother, further confusing the issue) and a red haired man going by the name of Obi Wan Kenobi, who clearly is, or was, a Jedi. 

Tyranus and Sidious, realizing that Jango Fett showing up anywhere with a massive amount of being might be contrary to their plans, try to contact Kamino. Kamino doesn’t answer and their ‘we’re busy, don’t call us we’ll call you’ message included a virus that made it so they cannot find or contact Kamino again.

The heads of the New Mandalorian Government arrange to meet with the heads of the Newer True Mandalorians, including Cody and Obi Wan. Satine recognizes Obi Wan. It is at this point that they find out this timeline’s Obi Wan has been dead for almost a decade. They had known that this timeline’s Cody was never born, but had never thought to check on Obi Wan. 

The negotiations between the New Mandalorans and the Newer True Mandalorians lasts months, but eventually is hammered out between them, along with a new government structure. Cody and Obi Wan would jointly preside over a council made up equally of New Mandalorians and Newer True Mandalorian (and, should Death Watch want to actually come in from the cold, Death Watch representative, but the faction would have to swear to the agreed upon laws and to follow the joint Mand’alor’s- Satine insisted). While Obi Wan and Cody would have the final say in most cases, if at least 90% of the council agreed they were wrong there was a veto power that could be used. Membership on the council is decided by the faction in question, and if a new faction splits off and gets to a certain size (Generally enough people to populate a medium sized planet) that faction will also be able to put representatives on the council. 

Meanwhile in the Republic the reappearance of the True Mandalorians (it doesn’t matter that they have a new name as far the Republic is concerned) has derailed 90% of Palpatine's plans (he does not have time to grow another army, even if he could get in contact with Kamino again and he cannot start the war without an army).  The news that the Red Headed leader of the reemerged faction appeared to be Presumed Dead Obi Wan Kenobi, famed in song and story and all but sainted in Anakin Skywalker's head, derailed 90% of the rest. 

Padawan Anakin Skywalker, upon hearing that Obi Wan Kenobi might be alive, vanished from Coruscant. Just took off for Concord Dawn to potentially rescue his hero, or avenge him if it was someone else pretending to be him. Or something like that, Anakin was not thinking at all beyond that he needed to see Obi Wan, the man he knew for maybe a week when he was nine.  He also left prematurely, had he waited six more hours he and his master Qui Gon Jinn would have been assigned to investigate the identity of the presumed Obi Wan. 

Qui Gon did not know where Anakin was headed until he reached Concord Dawn (Anakin left a note that he was going radio silent to work on some course work he was behind in, so Qui Gon left him off the mission-This Qui Gon is just a little oblivious)  and was promptly led to a holding cell by some of the Mandos (I kind of want it to be Waxer and Boil, or one of the Alpha’s) who gestured at Anakin inside, glowering like a bristly wet cat, going ‘is this yours?’

I Imagine this ‘reunion’  is weird and awkward from every angle. Like this Obi Wan remembers holding Qui Gon as he died, raising Anakin, Anakin’s Fall, everything of the original timeline. But this Qui Gon held his Padawan as he died (which hold the residual guilt of surviving, plus the guilt of Obi Wan dying to save his life), has added the normal rosy shine to his memories of his padawan (gloss over the bad times to focus on the good times). This Anakin has few actual memories of Obi Wan, but a massive case of hero worship. possibly to the point of Obi Wan being akin to a deity to Anakin, so massively unhealthy(Which Qui Gon also realizes for the first time)  but in a way that is difficult to break. Palaptine inadvertently created the Cult of Obi Wan, with one cult member and brainwashed him so well that he fucked up his own plans.  Now that there is a living Obi Wan, it is everyone's problem. Cody is prickly with both of them, because he remembers the things Obi Wan, his husband, told him about his Padawanship AND remembers both Reckless General Skywalker and Darth Vader. 

I am not sure how much they actually tell the Jedi, but they definitely tell them that Obi Wan and Coy are from a different timeline, and no they can’t go back. Just so that they do not start thinking that Padawan Obi Wan somehow faked his death (they are just a little concerned how Anakin would react).

Eventually Cody gets to kill Palpatine, as a treat.

[sollis-occasum]

there is a light that never goes out - anakin x queen!reader x sith!obi-wan (part 1 of 5)

summary: When your first love, Obi-Wan Kenobi, gave in to the temptations of the dark side and joined the Sith Order, you thought there was no hope for your people. However, a message from a friend you thought was dead would reignite the fire of rebellion in your heart.

warnings: angst, no use of y/n, unrequited love, blood, mentions of execution, mentions of death, mentions of biological weapons, reader is a corrupt politician (actually this is a little bit complicated)

word count: 4.2k

a/n: My story takes place in an alternative universe where Obi-Wan has turned to the dark side and Anakin has formed a resistance with the Jedi who survived Order 66 (I know Obi is a comfort character for most of us but sith!obi-wan is too attractive to not write about. What can i do? I'm just a girl) He will be in story in part 2. Also, as i said before, English is not my first language. I'm sure i made many mistakes. I hope you don't mind guys. I love you ♡

If there was one thing your people and your friends in the Imperial Senate knew for sure about you, it was that you had no intention of wasting your precious time rebelling against Lord Sidious, perhaps the most evil being the galaxy had seen in thousands of years.

Of course, it wasn’t because you had sympathy for the ugly old man or supported his fascist ideas that favored the human race. In fact, even during those unfortunate times when thousands of senators from all over the galaxy were ready to worship the Chancellor and the Separatists were on the rise, you were secretly proud of yourself for not falling under his influence—something you would rather attribute to your own intelligence than to the other senators being fools blinded by their lust for power.

Yes, deep down you didn’t recognize Palpatine’s empire and still held onto your loyalty to the Republic, but in your situation it didn’t matter. As a queen, you were one of the best at understanding how dangerous a game politics is, and you played by the rules for the good of your people. Up until that day, you had given the Emperor everything he asked of you without even bargaining. You had allowed him to change your government and install his own men, accepting the heavy taxes he demanded, and allowing him to build the weapons factories and experimental laboratories he wanted, even if it meant destroying the entire ecosystem of your planet. You had made all the sacrifices expected of you, until there was nothing left to sacrifice.

You knew that when your people looked at you, they saw not their beloved queen but one of Palpatine's puppets. To them, you were nothing more than a traitor who had betrayed the great royal family and the glorious history of your planet for thousands of years. You ignored the misery of your people in order to protect your crown and continued your luxurious life in your palace.

If only they knew how wrong they were...

You never had the courage to oppose the emperor until that day because you knew what fate awaited the people who opposed Palpatine's rule. You had seen systems falling apart, planets being invaded, and senators being executed mercilessly in front of their people. You couldn't let the people under your protection face this fate! The Emperor might have carelessly destroyed everything beautiful on your planet, but he wouldn't be able to destroy your people.

For this purpose, you would play the role of the corrupted politician your people had assigned to you in the most professional way, and you would make all the sacrifices you had to make to protect your people from Lord Sidioud's wrath until the end of your life. You didn't have the luxury of playing revolutionist. At least, that was what you believed to be right at the time.

However, in dark times, people change, and so do beliefs. A message sent to you by someone you least expected, at a time you least expected, had also initiated this change.

Using the information in the message secretly delivered to you by an old and neglected droid, whichg you had no idea how he had entered your palace, you managed to open a communication channel, allowing a hologram very close to a human size to appear in front of you.

The man had wavy hair that almost reached his shoulders, and his shoulders were slumped as if he were crushed under the weight of carrying the responsibility of the entire galaxy. He was wearing an old cloak with blood stains on it. The parts of his body that you could see were also covered in blood and wounds. He stood determined and upright, but there were traces in his eyes that even the static hologram image could not hide. Traces of sadness and despair. The owner of this hologram was someone you knew very well: The man in front of you was your old friend Anakin Skywalker.

Thank God, the droid resisted opening the message on the holoprojector in your throne room. Otherwise, you had no idea how you would explain this reaction to those around you. You started to walk back slowly, as if there was an assassin ready to kill you, not a hologram in front of you, and eventually you tripped and fell in your seat. Even though you covered your mouth with your hand in terror, your eyes could not hide your fear and surprise. You took deep breaths as if they could comfort you, but no matter what you did, you could not slow down your rapidly beating heart.

"But how is that possible?" you muttered in a voice you could barely hear. "That's impossible! You-you were dead, Anakin. Obi-Wan killed you."

Anakin, who somehow managed to hear you, smiled sadly and protested, "No, your majesty." "As you can see, I'm still alive. I would love to tell you about my experiences, but..."

"Shut up!" you shouted with a deep anger that came from deep within you to stop the man in front of you. Deep down you knew you were being irrational, but wasn't this situation you were in already irrational enough? Besides, the fact that an old friend you had been mourning for years suddenly appeared before you as if nothing had happened should have given you the right to act however you wanted, at least for a short while.

"Shut up! You can't be real. I know that the real Anakin Skywalker was killed by Obi-Wan Kenobi on Mustafar. Padme Amidala couldn't have lied to me! Who are you and how dare you use Ani to play such a vile trick on me?"

Anakin opened his mouth to explain himself to you again, but you raised your hand to stop him. A light flickered in your eyes as if you had solved a great mystery.

“Of course,” you said sarcastically. “Who else but Palpatine would dare do such a thing? You are one of his men. This droid must belong to the Empire. How could I not have thought of that?”

You ignored the desperate sounds of the ambassador droid and Anakin’s objections as you walked towards your desk to grab the small blaster from the drawer.

“That old man knew I would accept the agreement he wanted anyway. Did he really need to play such a dirty trick on me? Besides, what did he think he was going to achieve by doing this? That I would give him everything he wanted without even holding a meeting? Couldn’t he have sent one of his incompetent ambassadors who is just as ugly as he is?”

You quickly turned the gun on the droid. The small, metal astromech tried to move back and forth in fear, but it couldn’t get very far from where it was, partly because of the hologram’s loyalty to its owner and partly because the metal parts that made it move had rusted.

You turned to the hologram one last time and said in a language unbecoming of a queen, “Now fuck off and tell your owner that I will accept the deal he is offering and that he doesn’t need to play such cheap games because when I am done with him, your stupid droid will not be able to do it.”

The astromech started to make hissing sounds of protest again, and Anakin’s voice joined his. He raised his hand as if he could stop you from where he was and shouted, “Don’t you dare do that.” There was no trace of the respect in his voice when you first started talking. “This is my only chance to talk to you. If you shoot the droid, it’s all over. And for God’s sake, are you so blind that you can’t even recognize Artoo?”

You looked at the astromech again with a jerk. You hadn't lowered your weapon yet, but it was a fact that the hologram's mention of Artoo aroused suspicion in your mind. Yes, you could tell with a single glance that the droid in front of you belonged to one of the older models of the R series, and its advanced intelligence, the sounds it made, and its hasty attitude were also the same as Artoo's. But how could you be sure that this droid, whose paint had peeled off, was not oiled, and was damaged in many places, belonged to your old friend? You turned your gaze to Anakin with an irritated expression.

"I have no reason to believe that this droid is Artoo. It could be any model of the R series. And let me tell you right now that you know about Artoo's existence doesn't mean anything to me. Your owner's pet Obi-Wan Kenobi may have also told you about Anakin's astromech."

Artoo let out a sad hiss as Anakin began to angrily ruffle his hair with his non-mechanical hand. "Is he my owner?" he asked, disgust evident in his voice. "Is Palpatine my owner? Don't you dare say that again. That scumbag is nothing to me. How can you think I'm working for him when I've lost everything and everyone I care about because of him!"

"Then prove it!" you cried. You could feel the anger and pain beginning to consume you. "I beg you," you muttered quietly as you sank to the ground in front of the holoprojector. "I'm not asking for you to give me a reason, I'm begging you to give me a reason." Maybe you needed to believe more than he needed to be believed.

"Convince me that Anakin Skywalker is still alive."

You could see Anakin smiling at you, though it was blurry from the tears welling up in your eyes. It was a warm, affectionate smile that he rarely showed to anyone, perhaps even a little embarrassed.

He moved slowly and cautiously, as if you were a wounded convor who would run away if he frightened her. He reached into his cloak pocket and pulled out a delicate bracelet with a round, shiny stone in the center. Even the fact that it was reflected in a poorly-made hologram didn’t stop you from recognizing it at first sight.

“Do you remember this?” Anakin asked softly. “You gave me this bracelet ten years ago, on the edge of the Nara swamp. It was my last day before i left your planet, and we got into a fight over some stupid reason I can’t remember now. I think it was something about Aiwha rights. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Aiwha rights are stupid, I’m just saying it was stupid that we got into a fight over this on our last day.”

Even though you were in a crappy situation, you couldn’t help but curl your lips. You had always been very sensitive about the rights of non-sapient species (Tusken raiders were not among them, of course; they were a whole other story), and you found it funny that the man who was talking was afraid to upset you even after all these years. The times when you fought with all your might to defend the rights of other living beings seemed so distant to you. Especially now that you can barely protect the rights of your own people.

"You were so angry with me that I thought you wouldn't come to say goodbye before I returned to Crouscant, but you sent a note to me with help of Artoo asking us to meet at the edge of the Nara Swamp. You didn't want anyone to know about this meeting."

Artoo made a noise of agreement, glad that his part in the story hadn't been left out. Everything the man who claimed to be Anakin had told you so far was true, and the bracelet he showed was a great proof. You knew that your heart was starting to believe him, even if your brain resisted it, but you didn't let your guard down. Because if the man in front of you was really a liar, you knew that your heart would be shattered again and this time, unlike what you did in the past, you wouldn't be able to put the broken pieces back together. "Go ahead," you said coldly.

"We met at the place you wanted just before sunrise. At first, you were very quiet, no matter what I said, I couldn't convince you to talk. Then you suddenly started crying. In fact, I gave you the nickname softy back then. To be honest, even today, when the entire galaxy calls you queen and bows down to you, I'm proud to be the only one who can mock you like that. Anyway... Even though it had been a month since we met, that was the first time you told me about your past. You told me that you weren't very close with your family, that you were always taken care of by the maids and nannies in the palace, that you didn't have any friends growing up. You told me that I was your first and only friend, that no one could understand you like I did, and you asked me not to go, that I should stay on your planet with you."

"But you still left." you said in a low voice. While Anakin was verbally explaining, you were so immersed in replaying that memory in your mind that you hadn’t realized that by addressing him as “you,” you were indirectly acknowledging that he was Anakin Skywalker. “You knew I had to go,” he said with a sad smile, thinking of both of you, those two innocent children who were unaware of their unfortunate and painful future at the time.

"When I told you that I belonged in the Jedi Temple, and that I had to go, you asked me for a favor."

He took the bracelet in his hand and squeezed it as if he were drawing strength from it. "You asked me to come find you and give you this bracelet if you ever ascended to the throne and become one of those stupid, self-centered, incompetent politicians. You said it meant a lot to you and would bring you back to your senses."

The bracelet in Anakin's hands was truly precious to you because, ironically, there was nothing else that made it valuable. When expressed this way, it might seem contradictory, even a little absurd, but it had a very meaningful story for you. When you were only 15, when your people saw you not as a traitor but as their beautiful and elegant princess, you had left the palace to greet your people and tried to blend in with them as if you were a common citizen and not a member of the royal family. While you were deep in conversation with a little boy about his favorite snack, an old and poor woman had timidly approached you and tentatively handed you the bracelet. According to what she told you, the woman made her living by selling jewelry in her small shop, and the bracelet was the most expensive and valuable thing in that dilapidated shop.

"Even if it's not worthy of you, please take this, my noble princess," the woman said with an embarrassed face as if she had said something very rude. "I don't mean to disrespect you by giving you such a cheap bracelet, but it is the most valuable thing I have. I am a person who is devoted to the royal family with all my heart. You have no idea how honored i would be if you accept this little gift of mine and wear it."

To be honest, even the barrette in your poorest maid's hair was more expensive than that bracelet. It was not your style at all, and it didn't even match your clothes.

But that day, in front of that old shop, you had taken that bracelet from her wrinkled hands, put it on, and never taken it off until the day you gave it to Anakin. That bracelet was more than just a piece of chain and a small stone to you. That was a symbol of your loyalty to your people. One day, when you inherited the throne from your father, you would protect everyone who was disadvantaged, find a way to end income inequality. Now, those dreams you had as a little girl made you laugh.

You may not have been able to bring justice to your people, but you had managed to become the most hated member of the royal family in the thousands of years of your planet's history. Well, that was something, wasn't it? At least you knew that one day your name would not be buried in the dusty pages of history, but would continue to be in the history books for years to come. Even if you were to be remembered as a failed leader and a traitor...

You were so lost in memories of the distant past and self-criticism that it took Anakin's cough to bring you back to your senses. You didn't have to be a Jedi to know that he was getting impatient.

"From what I've heard, it's time to return this bracelet to you, but that's beside the point. Now, if I've convinced you that I'm Anakin Skywalker, can I get to the point?"

How could he dare to come back after all these years and criticize how you governed your people as if nothing had happened? On the other hand, speaking without thinking was so typical of Anakin that you couldn't even get angry. You shrugged your shoulders irritably.

"I can't say I believe it, but I decided to at least listen to what you have to say before I smash your droid. If you want to convince me, you have to explain where have you been and what have you been doing all these years. Padme told me before she was executed that you were killed by Obi-Wan Kenobi on Mustafar. If you were alive, why didn't you come to me all these years? Why didn't you let me help you?"

Actually, there were hundreds of things you wanted to ask. You wanted to know where he has been all this time, how he escaped from the Imperial soldiers, what did he do in order to survive? But you couldn’t do it because your voice had started to tremble. It was like that whenever you mentioned him. Your throat would tighten and your voice would shake. Obi-Wan Kenobi, the once Jedi Master and the ruthless Sith Lord of your time, or Darth Whatever. You couldn’t bear to say that dirty name given to him by the Emperor, or even think about it. The years had taught you to get used to everything, but you couldn’t get used to his new identity. He was the man who had once taught you love, mercy, and compassion. He was your first love and your first heartbreak. How could he have turned into such a hateful, savage beast? How could that wise man accept being Palpatine’s puppet?

After a few seconds of silence, Anakin spoke up again. “It’s actually a little hard to explain.” You could see he was having a hard time remembering and recounting the past. But you didn’t stop him. You wanted answers to your questions, and you were going to get them. Right away.

“It’s true that Obi-Wan and I fought a duel at Musatafar, and I lost. But contrary to what my former master thought, I didn’t die there. Padme saved me shortly before she was executed.” He pulled up the pants under his cloak to reveal his mechanical leg. “Here’s a souvenir from that duel. After being treated by Senator Organa’s personal doctors on Alderaan, I traveled to a planet I won’t name for security reasons, and met up with some allies I won’t name.”

“You’re turning into a droid, huh?” you asked, pointing to his leg. Even though there was sarcasm in your voice, your expression couldn't hide your true feelings. “You’ve always loved them.” You knew what he was talking about was extremely serious and traumatic, but you had to say something right then, and that was the first thing that came to mind, no matter how meaningless. And Artoo had made a more lively sound than he had since he had come to you. You had no idea what the little astromech had understood from what you had said, but he was clearly excited to imagine his master as a droid.

Anakin rolled his eyes, "How funny," he said, but you noticed that he was smiling.

"So why did you reach out to me now, Anakin, after all these years of disappearing? What do you want from me?"

"I haven't reached out to you all this time because I've seen the sacrifices you've made to protect your people. I know what Obi-Wan did to those he thought were organizing against Palpatine. And I learned from Senator Organa back then that the emperor was watching your every move. Knowing I was alive would bring nothing but destruction to you and your people. Frankly, I wouldn't be reaching out to you today if I didn't need your help so badly. One of our friends who has managed to infiltrate the Imperial engineers recently gave us some information that Palpatine is making moves to build a new weapon."

"A weapon? Is he trying to build a new one, as if he doesn't already have every weapon in the galaxy?"

"This is a different kind of weapon. Palpatine plans to use a parasite that lives on your planet and secretes its toxic substances to create a bioweapon. It's also much more deadly than any other bioweapon he has. By our calculations, just 10 grams of it released into the air would be enough to kill 2 million people, and up to 5 million for some life forms."

You put your hands to your mouth in horror. You could imagine what it would mean for Palpatine to have such a deadly weapon of mass destruction. And was he going to do it on your planet, using your resources? "B-but how is that possible?" you asked Anakin. "If something like that happened, i would definitely hear about it..."

Your words were cut short by the sudden realization. "Of course..." you mumbled to yourself. "How could I not have figured this out until now?" You were just beginning to understand why Palpatine was so insistent on setting up a lab on your planet. You were already aware that you didn't have the most reliable intelligence team in the galaxy, but you were trying very hard not to go and punch them all. How could they not have known about this beforehand and warned you? And you were angry with yourself. After being deceived and betrayed by Palpatine so many times, how could you have believed that the lab he had set up was for medical purposes? “Good God,” you said, as if seeking strength. Because only divine power could make you endure the horror of what you were hearing.

You turned to the droid next to you with a sudden decision. You would have plenty of time to be angry with yourself and the people under your command later. But right now, you had to be strong and find a solution as soon as possible. Just like a queen. "You have the coordinates to Anakin's location, don't you, Artoo?"

The astromech confirmed you with you. "Give them to me right away. I have to go to Anakin."

Your old friend raised his hand and reached for you as if he could stop you, but the hologram passed through your body. "Don't do something stupid like that," he objected. "If you get caught, they'll kill you."

"Then I won't get caught." you said with great determination. "I can't leave you there like that, Anakin. Besides, I don't think you're in a position to object to me. Your whole body is covered in blood."

"It's not my blood, actually."

"If you think that makes me feel better, Anakin, I'm sorry, but you're very wrong."

You slowly reached out to Anakin's face. This move had done nothing but scatter the hologram, but your emotions were so intense that you wanted to reach even his reflection.

"Wait for me, Anakin."

After you turned off the holoprojector, you called one of your loyal servants over and asked her to prepare your ship. "Make sure to oil this droid," you added as you lovingly patted Artoo's head. "You have no idea how smart and special this little one is."

This was the message that lit a light in your heart 3 years ago, giving you hope that everything would change. Your old friend might have reached out to you for help. But he was the one who helped you by putting the broken pieces of your heart back together. Fate had brought you and Anakin Skywalker together once more, never to be separated again..

tags: @circe143 @snowtargaryen

[gffa]

This is the most bare-bones recap you could do of “What the fuck is Crimson Dawn?” and it still takes up a page and a half of comics!  It doesn’t even mention Maul’s name!  To be fair, the people recounting this don’t know Maul’s name, so this works narratively, but what gets me is that I really do enjoy how Star Wars is structured, especially with how it’s this giant cascade of dominoes. Think about how complicated all of this is! - Maul is given to Sidious by Mother Talzin, he’s raised as a Sith apprentice - Maul is defeated by Obi-Wan Kenobi, becoming obsessed with revenge on him while living on a garbage planet as a half-Zabrak, half-spider person - Mother Talzin creates a new Sith apprentice for Dooku after Sidious forced him to kill Ventress (not that that worked and now Ventress wants revenge, so she went to Mother Talzin), which is eventually a wash. - Savage goes back to Mother Talzin and she sends him on a quest to bring back her son Maul, where she cures Maul’s madness and gives him more Zabrak-style legs, and they go try to kill Obi-Wan and fail at it again. - They float around in a dead ship until rescued by Death Watch, whom they ally with to create a Shadow Collective, in a bid to appear as villains for Mandalore to fight, so Death Watch can swoop in as heroes and win the people’s support to depose Duchess Satine Kryze. - Basically, two Force-sensitives (and honestly Maul could have probably done it himself) were enough to force the Pykes and Black Sun to agree to work with them, even though neither group wanted to. - They also tried to force the Hutts to join, but they refused, so Maul killed Oruba the Hutt (the only one in person at the meeting instead of on holo) and then go to Tatooine to kill Jabba, who decides, okay, he’ll join the Shadow Collective after all. - The plan on Mandalore is put in place, the Shadow Collective attacks Mandalore, Death Watch looks like heroes, Pre Vizsla is the puppet master of the Prime Minister they install, Death Watch tries to betray Maul and Savage, but they’re like, dipshit, we’re Sith Lords and fight their way to Pre’s throne room.  Maul challenges him to a fight, Maul wins, Bo-Katan Kryze (who was part of Death Watch up to this point) refuses to let a non-Mandalorian rule Mandalore (since Maul has taken up the Darksaber that Pre had and leads Death Watch and thus Mandalore now) and leaves. - Sheev Palpatine/Darth Sidious decides Maul’s become enough of a thorn in his side to deal with this, goes to Mandalore, kills Savage, puts Maul in prison and dusts off his hands like no big deal. - Maul is rescued by members of Death Watch and the puppet prime minister who are loyal to him, wins back the Darksaber, returns to Mandalore, sets up another trap to try to lure Obi-Wan there, gets Ahsoka instead (along with a whole lot of Republic troops, because Bo-Katan asked for a Republic intervention, by way of having Ahsoka ask for it), they battle it out and are relatively evenly matched, but he eventually loses.  This is the Siege of Mandalore, which puts the Republic there riiiiiiight as the Republic is turning into the Empire. - So everything goes pear-shaped in the galaxy, as the Jedi genocide is enacted, chaos erupts everywhere.  When the clones attack Ahsoka because of Order 66, she frees Maul to cause chaos and he destroys the core of the engines, forcing the ship down, but he himself escapes. - Maul regroups again and takes over Crimson Dawn, but uses Dryden Vos as a figurehead.  Vos has an assistant named Qi’ra, who is the first love of Han Solo, and when he crashes back into her life, things go pear-shaped again, resulting in a big adventure that ends with Dryden Vos’ death and Qi’ra stepping up to take his place as Maul’s new figurehead. - Qi’ra learns much about the Sith from Maul and, after his death, she takes over Crimson Dawn for real and begins to plot how to take down the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, aka Emperor Palpatine. As much ridiculous bullshit as Star Wars often is, I love that they genuinely have a galaxy that is connected together, that one plot ripples out in these surprisingly massive waves.  You don’t get to any one point on this timeline without the other points happening first, just like you don’t get to the OT without the events of the prequels happening first, you don’t get the Empire without the Republic and the Separatists both. In many ways, Star Wars is separated into periods of time, the films still largely define different eras, but there is a throughline with so much of it, the political timeline spans decades in this universe, you can follow the trail all the way back to The Phantom Menace and even earlier.  Yeah, Star Wars is often silly bullshit, but I appreciate the dedication to showing that ramifications happen when major political and criminal upheavals happen!

[spell-cleaver]

Portrait of an Empire

Flufftober

Day 25: Haunted House

“I’m not sure that place wants me there,” Luke observed. He’d stopped walking entirely, leaning heavily on his cane, and was watching the door up ahead with apprehension. Sheev had had the entrance to the Sith Temple recovered and built into an ordinary door, but it still lurked in the Force like an infected wound.

It was a bizarre thing to say, nonetheless. “You are not sure it wants you there?”

Luke raised his eyebrows. “This is where you wanted to bring me, Grandfather? The Sith Temple?”

“You knew it was there already?”

“You brought me here enough times as a child. And I can sense it, all the time. It doesn’t like me very much.” He pursed his lips, tilted his head, then let out a short laugh. “But its insults aren’t very good.”

Sheev had to snort. “No. None of the comments these spirits make are particularly… innovative. Quite inane.”

He turned back toward the entrance to the temple. It did look quite mundane, with the normal-looking door he’d had installed there. He knew a few Palace staff who’d got lost had stumbled in there and never returned. But he couldn’t have imagined their ghosts added any new life to the droning chorus.

Luke laughed out loud, then. “Just watch me,” he said to the door.

The temperature dropped. Sheev sensed it too. Luke laughed again.

“Typical. Throwing a tantrum.”

Ice crept along the walls. Sheev wondered what it had said to Luke.

“I don’t particularly want to see inside it, Grandfather,” Luke said. “What’s in there—trophies? Holocrons? I don’t need to memorialise whoever’s speaking to me now anymore than their rantings already do.”

Sheev even shared a laugh at that. Luke was right, of course. The past Sith were irritating. Drunk on their own perceived grandeur. The future of the Sith was here.

“Very well,” he said, over-graciously, drawing another laugh from his grandson. “We shall return upstairs.”

The temple spoke to him directly for the first time today: Bring him here! We want him! We need to deal with him!

That just made Sheev enjoy leading Luke away more. They were annoying.

[silvertws]

"Hermit craft" and other ccs because they are cool. STAR WARS AU (I think imma do different ones depending on like Prequels, Sequels, and Present or whatever it's called yk, droids, Vader and Kylo)...? Unsure I'm just doing Vader now.

*Cries in the amount of research I'm going to have to do*

Xiuma and Mumbo -> def mechanics, ships repairing, Mumbo never drove any of his fucking ships, he would suck as a pilot, Xiuma is good at it tho!

Grian -> one of the best, if not the best pilot in the galaxy -> does bro have the force? Yuh, does he know or use it? Nuh uh also Pearl's sibling, they got separated when little.

Scar -> co-pilot of Grian, has a motored wheelchair, he's the most curious one out of the two. He is the one that tells Grian to do something and join the rebellion.

Doc ->maybe some imperial scientist of some kind???? He scares me.

Scott... You scare me but! Leader potential? Scavenging with Cleo, Scott -> the brain, Cleo -> them muscles, she's a skilled blaster fighter, possibly Mandalorian..? We're there mandalorians of that species....?????Cleo is a Togruta def.

Pearl -> definitely started off as a Padawan, sister of Grian -> = older (aka, yes the gist of "mf is too old to be trained, but his sister ain't, YOINK"), yeah he was not pleased. Pearl basic doesn't remember him, like, she knows she has a brother somewhere, but yk. Yeah so, Master dies, obviously 🙄, cause you know order 66, still debating who that should be... Uhhhhh Maybe Impulse? Yes you're dying boi. Be sad. Someone has to. So yeah, she escapes, and then I'm going to presume she's going in hiding... With another surviving Padawan... Maybe Gem, yeah. Yeah shiny duo why not. So they go into hiding, they survive by themselves, somehow, a bit of thievery never hurt anyone... Oh wait.

Anyway happiness doesn't last.

Bye bye Pearl, to get captured and become a sith you gooo.

Sorry Gem <\3 you'll see each other again.

While Pearl is "busy" turning to the Darkside and Just not having s good time, Gem joins the rebels, not revealing her past, he's lightsaber was broken during her qnd Pearl's escape after all. She does still have her Kyber cristal (green..? They focus more on defending to my knowledge, plus healing? Something like that) Pearl's used to be blue.

So yeah, Gem joins the rebels, where she does missions here and there and meets people like Tango.

Tango -> Pilot, and one of the leaders of a small squad that usually does ambushes to the Empire. (This is due to how fucking mental this guy was with EVERYTHING last season, he deserves to have a leading and planning spot)

Etho is a spy for the rebels. No questions asked. He is. Why? Don't exactly know...? He gives me spy vibes. Mf works for the Empire but is a double agent.

Joel and Lizzie have a bar where they try to keep it neutral, they don't enjoy the empire but don't want to risk loosing what they have to actively fight. They do hide rebels from time to time and share some rations. They know Tango, since he's the one who usually contacts them and also hid there a couple of times. They also know Etho since he goes there whenever he's dispatched to the planet.

Yes. The "Etho stop being obsessed with me" joke lives on.

Now... Owen. You sir. Terrify me. You're very scary as a villain but very adorable as a hero which you know what that means.

BETRAYAL.

oh this mf is playing the rebels like fools!

Nobody suspects the nice mechanic and co-pilot to be an imperial spy... Definitely didn't install a tracker on the ship AND the droid.

Grian and scar + Cleo and Scott + Etho, Gem, Owen all know each other.

Cleo and Scott do not care to join the rebellion and probably never will.

Scar convinces Grian to help.

Etho squad and Scott team have often had fights because of one stealing stuff before the other.

Joey is a pirate with Sausage, Skizz and Martyn. The often had fights with literally all of the other teams.

Ren -> imperial general.

Jimmy -> you know what..? Bounty hunter. And you may think. Jimmy..? A bounty hunter? Bro u cray cray, Nuh uh. Listen. Listen. He's not HORRIBLE at his job, he's not super great either. But he does get enough cash to survive.

Now. Who has a bounty on them..?

Literally everyone I mentioned tbh-

But for plot, and because you guys love flower husbands, I'm gonna go with Scott.

So yeah goofy bounty hunter×the one mf who keeps on slipping away.

And yes, he does go to Joel bar to complain and Joel keeps on taunting him about it.

Ok now.

We did flower husbands.

So I think it's time for the Nature wives.

Shelby is indeed a force user... Or maybe a Witch from Dathomir??? Or maybe.. ok.

Let's say.

She goes to Dathomir.

And like, I remember basically nothing about that so please don't come for me for inaccuracies.

If I remember, from Star wars fallen order (I have not played survivor yet.), the witches are dead. Except one yk, our beloved girlypop, so idk if I should do Shubble being the last one, and meeting Katherine as she crashed down on her planet. Or idk.

Also Katherine is a princess 100%

Think about her like Leia, cool, badass, and fights, I'm thinking for her to be a Mandalorian, because fighting you know. Wither that or she's just the princess of idek. My memory of the planets and systems is very limited ok? I'm very bad with names...

So yeah, maybe a bit of a black lightsaber situation could happen? Idek.

BigB and B-Dubs... I again have no idea.

I don't watch these two- they could be bounty hunters...? Merchants...???? Mercenaries....???? No clue- I mean, I have basically 0 villains planned but I don't think either of them could be an inquisitor or a general/commander of some kind- and I don't know how I wanna do the stormtroopers so... They could be Jedi masters? Maybe one died and the other didn't? Maybe they both died to protect the Padawans? Maybe they're both alive..???? Ughhhhhh ToT

I definitely need to put more villains-

But I don't wannaaaa ToT like sure, the pirate gang, sure, bounty hunter Jimmy.

But the inquisitors brooo.

Like other than Pearl idkkk

She slays so hard she doesn't need other inquisitors-

Like idek know who to make the BBEG

cause like... Scott could definitely be Vader ok. I know. I Know........ And Cleo be an inquisitor??? But I like Jimmy and Scott possible dynamic as bounty hunter×that one mf-

Likeeee arghhhhh

Ren is just too Goofy to be plays as a BBEG

Owen just has to betray someone ok? He needs the switch up.

Uhhhhhh...

Literally idek-

Do I randomly put Kier and Dev into this???

Quackity?????

Philza and Tommy could definitely be Jedi Master and young Padawan...

Like Ranboo is not giving villain.

Technoblade definitely would but, I don't want to put him in... In case I get yelled at TwT

Niki could be an inquisitor- definitely giving "the Jedi are corrupted at and so I decided to kill them all as revenge for taking away my childhood and my right of choice". So yeah.. definitely a "Padawan indoctrinated by the Darkside becomes inquisitor". Kinda like Pearl? But she didn't get tortured- it was kinda her choice sooooo. I guess I'm putting Niki in

FableSMP members???? Do I just put Fable as the BBEG????He could be more like Palpatine than Vader tho, since the manipulation and being well, powerful as fu- like, he works...Ok now I have ideas for FableSMP characters... Enderian would def be a witch of Datomir, my only issu with that is that I don't exactly know how that would work with Centross.

But. For what does work.

Wolf/Fenris??? Idk how it's written.

Used to be an imperial general, betrayed Fable. When he realized his kingdom was not safe even if he stayed with him.

Rae -> in this universe Enderian is out of the picture, like not even mentioned, sorry girly.

Rae is the child of Isla, who was the queen of whatever because again, this is just me writing down dumb ideas. So, Rae and Icarus were sent away when he was little by Isla, who wanted to keep him away from the empire's arms due to his connection to the force.

Icarus -> older sibling to Rae, has no connection to the force, (no Quixis, you're not doing shit this time >:(), when them and Rae were sent away, they didn't understand why fully. As he got older they resented Rae because they felt like if Rae didn't have a connection to the force then they'd be able to be a family. But that resentment soon moved to the force itself, the stores about the Jedis, the sith, all that chaos. They don't know exactly how to help Rae, all they can do is try to protect him from the empire. (I'm giving Rae and Icarus a good-ish relationship ok? We all need that)

Momboo and Ocie -> are sisters, both use the force and both were trained by the Jedis, needless to say they are not like 20 yo, I think imma make them around 35/40..? (Safe to say Icarus and Momboo won't have a relationship.No.)

They both survived order 66 but got separated.

Now for the angsty part.

Momboo during her travels tried to find and protect kids gifted with the force. She would then proceed to die, leaving Jamie and Uhh fuck I don't remember their name, well, her other kid ok? With one message, to find Ocie, she could help them.

Ocie did not have as much maternal instincts as her sister, but, she picked along a small child, Oscar, a child made orphan by the empire. I'm figuring out the species still. She would settle down, she thought she was away from everything, that she could heal. Then Momboos kids came, and boom, training arc for those little shits. (/Sarcastic /not mean /please I'm not serious)

Centross -> now, I know in FableSMP he's not on Fable's side but Enderian's, the problem with that is that I think that the only thing that fits Enderian is a Dathomir's witch. And I don't exactly know how that could work. Like sure, let's make her a sith, but she's supposed to be like on Fable's power level, and she's definitely not a Jedi. So. For Centross, he could 100% be an inquisitor. 100% not even questioning it. This is based upon when he was violet reaper, yes yes, I am aware he was not on Fable's side, but I believe Fable is more fit as Palpatine than Enderian, sorry girlboss. Also sorry Centross, you're not getting a redemption arc.

Origin members..?????? (Except you know who ofc)

Do I just mix up some Steve Saga like- I CAN'T DO THAT YK.

Like so many but yet arghhhhh

Idkkkkk

So many possible heroessss.

Like the only ones I KNOW could be great villains for sure are Pearl, Scott, and Owen. And Scott and Owen are the only ones who I could see as the BBEG.

But again, you know... TwT

Can't use Scott, Owen is already a traitor, unsure if he should be using the force.

And Pearl is just- s c a r y but she will have a redemption arc so yk.

Ughhhhh

Like Gem could also have villain potential but likeeeeee

®×`]?×¢{§`}~[¢÷!4(&(&(2)

I will maybe get more ideas in the future once I've done more research.

Please this is just a draft so don't come for me and the inaccuracies. I'm not even sure I'll actually bother to write an actual storyline, this is for funzies. Also the ages of characters might vary from the originals because again, this is an AU.

Also if anyone sees this and knows how to write and for some reason does anything with this, cool! :DDD it's not gonna happen, but cool!

[francesderwent]

I too have apparently forgotten every movie I’ve ever seen except for Zack Snyder lmao. I’ll spare you ranking his trilogy and just say: Batman v Superman, Cinderella 2015, revenge of the sith. Alertnates are whip lash and brideshead revisited if miniseries count and tangled

I have seen all three of your first mentioned movies! Never seen Whiplash or Brideshead (only read it) and I’m going to add in Tangled for fun

most romantic:

Cinderella (it’s love with all the pretense stripped away!!)

Tangled (you were my new dream……..devastating)

Revenge of the Sith (I think Empire is the more romantic movie, rots just ties a bow on what was already pretty settled)

Batman v Superman (the scene in the bathtub is very romantic. hurts to think about)

most impeccable vibes:

Tangled (the kingdom dance scene is vibes of ALL time, so too the lanterns scene. they knew what they were doing with this one)

Cinderella (the colors! the score! the simplicity!)

I am now forced between ranking ROTS last because of the discordance of the Ewoks, which I don’t want to do because it lets the haters win, and ranking BvS last because it’s a middle installment which therefore ends on a sad note (very different from being gratuitously dark or gritty) and I don’t want to do that because it lets the haters win, so I’m simply not going to choose

most brainrot inducing:

Revenge of the Sith (I am a Jedi like my father before me. enough said)

Cinderella (makes you rethink what a well-written female character looks like!!)

BvS (when I watched this movie I’d been reading your meta on it for YEARS and therefore I had premade thoughts to fill in)

Tangled (have never had a thought about it in my life)

[thegreenlizard]

Post order 66, Obi-Wan goes after the clones

In the grand scheme of things, stealing an army from the empire mattered slightly more than stealing two infants.

Or: It’s the love and loyalty of brothers, not fathers and sons, that saves the galaxy.

After the Order 66, Obi-Wan makes a different plan. Instead of watching over an infant, who in the grand scheme of things matters very little and for whom Obi-Wan can do very little right now, Obi-Wan goes after the clones.

He had felt his men go dim and cold in the force—right before executing the entirety of the Jedi Order and taking over the republic. Something was terribly wrong, and Obi-Wan had a terrible suspicion that something was a Sith plot. And nobody fucked with his men, least of all the Sith.

(And, in the grand scheme of things, stealing an army from the empire mattered slightly more than stealing two infants.)

Or: Obi-Wan doesn’t decide that the fate of the known universe hangs on the shoulders of one infant (because of thematic reasons about fathers and sons). Instead, he comes to the much more reasonable conclusion that the fate of the galaxy might just hang on two million or so enslaved genetically enhanced supersoldiers, who might be controlled by Sith magic, Kaminoan technology, brainwashing or other nefarious means.

So he leaves the infants with their new families and starts plotting how to steal his men back. At least he hopes he can steal them back, because if they went willingly—well, something happened and Obi-Wan will damn well find out what. (Perhaps Bail gets him some info or he remembers Tup and Fives, or has something to go on. Or perhaps just his stubborn hope and attachment.)

Stealing and freeing the first soldier is something of an ordeal on his own; but then the first helps him nab a second; soon he has a whole squad, a platoon, a company. Then the snowball really gets going, as Obi-Wan’s terrifyingly competent men start planning another war, one with more personal stakes than ever before.

Really, Obi-Wan is only needed for convincing them that their actions after the activation of the chips weren’t their fault and that freeing their brothers is possible. After that, the war practically plans itself, with a slightly worrying degree of glee (and maybe Obi-Wan is also needed to redirect the most jare’la suggestions and give his men a direction, but he’s happy to provide).

On a more practical level, they’re stealing back not just men, but ships, provisions, and funds. (Or perhaps they’re keeping the whole thing under wraps until they can dechip everyone, although that would be a logistical nightmare.) And without an army, the empire has no power.

(Obi-Wan’s men might or might not be planning to install him on the throne when the Sith is slain. He is, after all, the GAR’s highest ranking officer left.)

Plus:

- Obi-Wan tells Yoda where to stick it. If he believes so much in the chosen one and prophecy (when Obi-Wan has been told to mind the present and ignore his visions since infancy), then *he* can go guard and train the boy since he seems determined to exile himself anyway. Obi-Wan is going after his men. His brilliant, loyal men for whom he never could do enough; who didn’t have civil rights even under the republic, never mind this new empire. Leave two million souls to slavery and mind control? How about fuck no. Who’s going to berate him about his attachments now, Yoda? Go right ahead, Obi-Wan thinks hysterically, see how much it matters now.

[musewrangler]

🦋 🌸 🐠 🌷 🍄 for the writer ask game, please?

As ever, lovely friend, you are so kind. ;D Absolutely!!

my current WIP-----as you know, at any given time I usually have about 3-5 xD. However, I'm so glad YOU in particular asked this because it was you who gave me the Piett as a Jedi AU five facts. And um----guess what happened. I am currently plunging through chapter three of what is likely going to be a MUCH longer story than I anticipated, but I am not complaining, no sir. I've never written Piett this way and I am enjoying the development of this story in my brain. My poor boy has to go through a lot of suffering first, but the upshot is this---rejected by his family and sold, it is Plo Koon who saves him and raises him. He ends up stationed on Coruscant as the Clone Wars break out and it is here that he not only befriends Padme and Bail, but also a very overworked Commander Fox. While they are not able to completely keep Order 66 from happening, they manage to put a dent in it [because Fox gets a Jedi in this story ;D] and go on to fight this corrupt Empire with far more living Jedi and clones than we were left with in Revenge of the Sith.

WIP I've been working on the longest---again it is timely that you ask this. xD xD I am HOPING to finish Stiffen Up the Sinews today, which is the latest installment of the Empire Reimagined series. I've been at it for over a year which is fairly slow for me, but I totally blame the muse rugby team. You know how they are. xD

Author who inspires me----I'll give a two pronged answer here. First is the published author and while I could name so many, I am going with Dorothy Sayers. I ADORE her Lord Peter Wimsey series----she is a deft hand at both rich character development and in describing a scene. I owe a lot of my writing voice to her I think. Second, in fanfic land, there are once again a good number I could name, but I shall go with Osheen Nevoy. This is the author who wrote The Adventures Of Darth Vader and who really shaped my ideas about Piett. We have been communicating and it has been a true delight.

Writing achievement I want to brag about---- Well normally I'm happy not to do this. ;D But...I am really thrilled to say that I've started work with a friend on an original fic. I've been dabbling a bit in original work lately, but this is the first serious full blown work I've attempted in years. It has been immensely satisfying and I'm stoked to see where we take it.

Name a song that represents my main character----Ooh wow. This is actually a tough one. I can think of a number to represent Firmus. I'm Still Standing would be one. ;D Here Comes the General is another. But I think I really like The Fire by The Roots and John Legend. Great lyrics for our Admiral. ;D

[tarisilmarwen]

Please, if you want, DUNK on the blue bastard.

Oh? I am being given permission to shittalk Thrawn? *rubs hands* Listen, I love the guy as the Affably Evil villain he is. He's imminently polite and respectful towards his adversaries, sharp as a tack brilliant which makes him a formidable foe, he appreciates good work from his underlings, he's hilarious bouncing off other characters. He's a fully three-dimensional, rounded, likable character.

Who also happens to be an authoritarian nightmare bastard.

He is at best apathetic to the Empire's atrocities, at worst, willingly complicit. He genuinely believes in the fascist tyrannical system as the best status for the galaxy, because they put up a "stronger", "ordered" front. He might bemoan some aspects of the Empire but only because he sees them as wasteful, ineffective, inefficient, and he absolutely thinks he could run things better if given the chance. He is the epitome of Machiavelli's Prince, deluded into believing himself some kind of benevolent tyrant, or willing to serve at the behest of one. He is Might Makes Right and The Ends Justify The Means and fits right in with the modus operandi of the Sith Code and the Empire's whole overarching philosophy.

The man is part of Palpatine's personal Triumvirate with Vader and Tarkin. You do not get that high up into the upper echelons unless you are a true believer.

Which is why fandom's constant excusing him because of his supposedly sympathetic and noble motivations is so damn irritating.

Oh Thrawn is doing everything For The Greater Good? He just wants to protect the interests of the Chiss? His first priority is to his own people?

None of that shit matters.

He still willingly inserted himself into the infrastructure of a fascist regime that was installed by genocide and regularly murders its own people and tried to help said regime run better and oppress the galaxy more effectively. He depersons and dehumanizes beings he doesn't consider useful, and sees the useful ones as "assests" ("allies" at best). He is perfectly willing to do horrible things if it suits him or gets him the results he needs. And he sees nothing wrong with his own actions. He is self-serving and self-righteous.

He. Is. A. Villain.

Doesn't matter how cute you think he is with Eli or Ar'alani or whoever or how sad you imagine him or how sympathetic and likable you find him, he is not a good person. He is a Bad Guy, and it's laughable that y'all wring hands over that fact. You're allowed to like the bad guy. You're allowed to find the bad guy hot and sympathetic and likeable and funny. But it annoying as hell when you insist he can't be a Bad Guy because "Oh he did it for a good reason!" which is, again, irrelevant.

And no, Zahn writing him with more sympathetic backstory and likable moments in New Canon doesn't mean he's no longer a villain. It does not mean his alignment has changed. It just means his time with the Empire becomes a corruption arc, as we see how a supposedly good person can become more and more fanatical in the pursuit of their goals.

And Zahn is on thin freaking ice anyway, if the hearsay about his asinine empty buildings headcanon is true.

I hope when August comes and the Ahsoka show has Thrawn being the magnificent bastard fascist asshole he is, fandom comes around to appreciate him properly, as the awesome villain he is.

[jarenka]

So an excerpt from the beginning of my post-rotj au fic with Anakin, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka.

They got to Surra after their mission on Carati ended. It was dangerous to continue using the same route, imperial fleet almost caught them two times in a row, and after it Obi-Wan received the order to end the mission.

Ahsoka arrived to Carati to prepare Anakin and Obi-Wan for their next mission: to go undercover to Surra to help the rebels capture the Central Communications Station.

"Do you really expect me to go undercover?" Anakin asked Ahsoka with disbelief when she flew to them with fake documents and two suitcases. They sat down in one of the meeting rooms, with a full-length window into the courtyard and a lot of potted flowers on the floor.

"You'll need to be an imperial officer for a while, that's all. It won't that hard, you've already been one."

"Am I allowed to strangle my subordinates again?"

"Definitely no."

"Well, what kind of an officer of the Empire am I then?"

Ahsoka shook her head.

"The one without of Force, of cause. If you need to strangle someone so badly just try to do it with your hands".

Anakin imagined himself rushing at some incompetent officer to squeeze his throat, and couldn't help but chuckle.

"Oh, at least murder still makes you laugh," said Obi-Wan, who had been silently listening to their conversation.

"Seriously?" Anakin glanced at him.

"I am not judging. Apparently, murder is of the few joys of life available to the Sith."

Ahsoka gave them a long judgmental look, and then said:

"If we had it easier with fake documents, I would have recorded you as divorced spouses. You would have handled this role perfectly."

She took a cup and sipped herbal tea that Obi-Wan had brewed for them.

"You can have dinner with us if you want," Obi-Wan suggested. "Our droid D33 cooks decently".

"You trust his culinary talent now?"

"This is not culinary talents, but a culinary program that you installed on a security droid. However, I have already made sure that he will not poison us."

Anakin shifted his gaze to Ahsoka. For some reason, she looked terribly pleased.

Couple of minutes after she handed them the chips with the new IDs and legends.

Rebels found a very good opportunity for an infiltration: General Halderi, who led the military garrison at the Central Communications Station, was arrested "on suspicion of embezzlement of budget funds in the amount of thirteen million credits." Simply put, he stole the money that was supposed to go for equipment, weaponry repairs and ammunition and built himself a luxurious mansion with a greenhouse, a swimming pool and a garage for thirty speeders from his personal collection. After it he still had a spare money to bought his daughter-in-law a luxury space yacht.

Military prosecutors found many violations on the military garrison, several Halderi's closest associates were arrested or transferred to other military units. Local rebels with the help of New Republic took advantage of this situation.

The Governor of Surra received an official message that officers were being sent to them from the Center of the Empire to personally monitor how the Surra's military eliminates all violations found by the military prosecutor's office. Obi-Wan and Anakin were supposed to impersonate these officers.

After sending a message to D33 that it was time to cook dinner—for three, more meat for the guest—Anakin looked at his own dossier.

"Aldivi Wright, forty two years old… Where did I live to look so bad at forty two?"

He didn't look like grandfather's rotten corpse anymore but he didn't look like a forty-two years old man from Coruscant either.

"You lived on Tatooine?" Ahsoka suggested.

"Owen, as I recall," Obi-Wan added casually, "looked much younger at forty—two."

'Maybe your memory is failing you, old man," Anakin muttered.

This is ridiculous, he thought.

"It's not so easy to get good fake documents. " Ahsoka said. "Especially for high ranking imperial officers."

Anakin looked over Obi-Wan's shoulder into his pad. According to his fake documents, he was forty-five. Ben Fomm, Colonel of the Armed Forces of the Empire.

"Look, you're a colonel, and I'm a general," Anakin noted. "Although I am the younger one."

"And it is pretty apparent that you become a general at forty two not from a good life'.

Ahsoka smiled.

"Don't tease him, he's cute," she pinched Anakin's cheek. "He doesn't even look like he have done so many awful things during the last twenty years".

[triscribeaucollection]

Alright, I've gone and gotten inspired, and have a two hour window before dawn to work on stuff. So! A few Star Wars time travel ideas I've been jotting down over the years, in no particular order:

A1 - Padme Amidala wakes up in the Original Trilogy (via one of a few different methods), and proceeds to cause all sorts of trouble for everyone, especially her unsuspecting children

A2 - some clones troopers taken for decommissioning are not, in fact, euthanized, but rather frozen in carbonite for later use and stored in a separate facility that escapes destruction by the Empire. Many years later, they are accidentally discovered and awoken by Resistance member/former stormtrooper Finn

A3 - an Order 66 sort-of-fix-it in which multiple Jedi Masters are plucked from the moments of their deaths and tossed fifteen years into the future, where a handful of survivors are shocked but overjoyed to reunite with them, and the Rebellion gets a big infusion of new members perfectly suited to taking out Inquisitors

(those are the forwards, these are the backwards)

B1 - when Ahsoka, Kanan, and Ezra head to Malachor, it's Rex piloting the Phantom instead of Chopper, and of course he leaps into action to join the fight against Vader. Events fall a bit differently, and thanks to the World Between Worlds, instead of returning to the Sith temple post-explosion, Rex and Ahsoka end up back in middle of the Clone Wars, armed with sufficient knowledge to save a lot of lives

B2 - more snippets of picking up General Leia Organa (with or without bonus Resistance members) and depositing her at various points around the Prequel timeline for Maximum Chaos

B3 - a group of renegade clones some years into the Empire's reign wind up going back to a joint in time when Jaster Mereel is still Manda'lor, install themselves as Jango Fett's weird older cousins, and get to have some fun even while planning to assassinate Sidious

I'll stop there for the moment, and put this question to my readers:

[shikkatl]

Laveena

Laveena is a mercenary jedi oc of mine!~ a lepi who used to be part of a family of kyber crystal miners before the empire took over her planet. she seeks revenge towards them, and her sister, who is a fully fledged sith. her sister's also the one responsible for laveena's cybernetic arms. both she and her sister are fantastic tinkerers, so when laveena lost her arms she quickly fabricated her current arms with scrap parts and a plastoid plating for the outside. with kyber crystals she held onto she also installed blasters into the palms of her hands, though they're not very powerful. later on she changed the plastoid plating for durasteel, though she'd love to get her hands on some beskar [without mandalorians chasing after her that is]. the gold colored plating is just aesthetic.

her lightsaber is made from another kyber crystal she held onto, plus a damaged lightsaber she repaired. the lightsaber glows an orange yellow color.

Laveena likes a lavish lifestyle, with her ship being modeled after a modified naboo royal cruiser, with canons added to the wings and front of the ship. she even has a pool inside it! she has a BB series astromech and a seeker/parrot droid as her partners, and she loves them lots! they're her dorks, but they are well behaved around her, and she is looking to install vocal hardware in them that would allow them to speak in a non-binary language.

[ariainstars]

Hope Lives in the Galaxy

To this day, I sometimes wonder what made The Last Jedi such a special Star Wars movie, beloved by many fans despite the backlash coming from others.

It stands out as the most important instalment of the sequel trilogy, but here’s the thing: The Last Jedi is not a dark movie.

Star Wars sometimes has a tendency to overplay and / or to drift off into kitsch; as a result, the really good movies of the franchise are the ones with a dark tone. The Empire Strikes Back, Revenge of the Sith, Rogue One do not leave much room for dreams and starry eyes.

The topic of these films is loss, in particular loss of hope: which is all the more dominant in the three trilogies of the Skywalker saga.

In Revenge of the Sith, Anakin’s fate is sealed: he loses everything he believed in and hoped for and he will never get them back.

In The Empire Strikes Back, during his dramatic clash with Vader, Luke also loses the things he believed in and his hope for what he wanted to be and to achieve: though in his case, he finds them again.

And yet for all of the dramatic things that happen - Leia’s almost-death, Holdo’s sacrifice, Luke’s ultimate sacrifice - The Last Jedi does not have a dark undertone. At its core, it’s Ben Solo’s story, and in the central scene of the movie, the grandson and nephew of the Skywalker family does not lose what he hopes for and believes in.

He finds it.

[rebelsofshield]

Star Wars: The Bad Batch: "Bad Territory" -Review

(Yes, I know this is very, very late. I'm sorry. Turns out being a full time university professor is a lot of work and time commitment. Anyways, I do know that the big day is this Wednesday and I'm very determined to be caught up in time for all the tears and fireworks.)

The Bad Batch turn to an old adversary to find answers on Omega’s origins in this fun but unremarkable episode.

The Batch may know that the Empire is interested in Omega for experiments related to M-count, but that doesn’t mean that they have any idea what it means. In order to stay one step ahead of their pursuers and keep Omega safe, the squad must find answers. When Phee informs them that bounty hunters throughout the galaxy have been hunting down targets with high M-counts, Hunter and Wrecker decide to make contact with one of the few hunters they are on (somewhat) friendly terms on, Fennec Shand.

There’s never a direct answer in Star Wars shows. Major plot reveals or even important missions are often proceeded by at least an episode or two of stage setting or logistical problem solving. While sometimes this leads to some solid installments of television like The Mandalorian’s season two standout “The Believer,” it’s hard not to wish that we could get to the point a bit quicker.

This is what watching “Bad Territory” feels like. It’s by no means a poor episode and is sometimes very fun, but it can’t help but feel like narrative wheel spinning. It’s not quite what some would call “filler,” but it instead feels like an unnecessary twenty minute detour when there wasn’t really anything preventing us from taking a more direct route.

I do love space Louisiana though. One thing that’s been a joy about the Star Wars animated shows is that they allow the design team to find new ideas for exotic worlds and locales that would not necessarily fit into live-action storytelling. Having Hunter, Wrecker, and Fennec hunt down a giant praying mantis criminal through a space bayou while occasionally wrestling alligators (and they are really just space alligators) is the sort of playful, almost campy storytelling I’ve come to enjoy from this series when it is diving into some of its more dramatic storytelling.

It is also always a pleasure to get more Fennec Shand. Even if my enthusiasm for her character has waned a little after the absolute dud that was The Book of Boba Fett, Ming-Na Wen is just a stellar performer and I’m always excited to see her bring her talents to the galaxy far, far away.

I guess, somewhat unsurprisingly, it’s Crosshair and Omega who end up stealing the show once again. Even when the two are relegated to a rather quite B-Plot, these two are still the most compelling characters in this series. Watching Omega walk a frustrated Crosshair through his shaking hands and uneasy aim marks another wonderfully tender turn for these two. For a character that has for so long resisted the kindness and compassion of others, it’s been a joy to see Crosshair open up to a child who he was previously so antagonistic towards. Great stuff.

Anyways, I think we all know who Fennec was chatting to on that hologram. We may be getting a certain former Nightsister/Sith/Jedi turned bounty hunter in our very near future.

Score: B

[cuprohastes]

Those Darn Jedi

From a conversation in the notes of the Jedi Archive

@gurps-dungeon-mommy: Also just to add about cheap tricks to fuck someone's saber up - if you flip Khyber crystal in wrong polarity (or jam it with Force, like you proposed) the fucking saber would fucking BLOW UP and AT LEAST take someone out of the fight if not outright murder them on the spot

Cuprohastes: Yeah Khyber crystal canonically can hold massive amount of energy. Which suggests that if you were serious, you could build a Khyber Bomb

gurps-dungeon-mommy: and they let kids make weapons with that shit! ON THEIR OWN! "Here's a little bit of sulfur and coal, little child, construct me some gunpoweder and shoot that target please"

Cuprohastes: Well... no. It's more like 'Hey Timmy here's a plasma cutter. You have to put it together yourself and it uses a grenade as a valve, and when you're done, Lucy is gonna duel you with hers'

gurps-dungeon-mommy: That's even worse of a situation to put the kids in, man. Jedi are the most up-their-ass OSHA violating kickasses with space magic in there, no wonder people stopped liking them after a while

Which brings me to a point about the Prequels. And in fact the entire 9 installment Skywalker saga.

The Jedi are assholes.

Let's examine this shall we?

Not police. But they roam around dispensing justice. How? Mutilation and mind control. Remember Ben Kenobi solves a bar fight by just hacking off someone's arm because it's convenient.

Genocide. They decide to wipe out the Sith culture. Not just the Sith Lords, but their slaves, servants and the people just unfortunate enough to be born in the area. The Jedi show up and perform arial bombardment. And yet...

Slavery Is Fine. Having determined that the Sith cannot be allowed to live, based ont he argument that only the Jedi should be allowed to use the naturally occurring phenomenon of the Force, in the way they see fit, they suddenly hang up their morals and determine that letting the Hutts keep slaves it totes fine...

Clones ... And that continually breeding clones with a chip in their head to prevent them having free will, then using lining beings as cannon fodder is totally fine. c.f. Obi Wan not even pausing when his Clone wingman gets dusted. 'Oh he did his job'.

Child soldiers And yes the Jedi are scooping children up for indoctrination, handing them nuclear chainsaws, and then making them fight. "Hey kid, you're 16 and you already cut a guy in half and spent a couple of years dodging blasters. Here's your hairdo upgrade and some clone troopers, now go fight the Droid Army.

I mean Darth Vader is like 22 years old when Obi Wan sets him on fire and leaves him to cook alive because he was being a vicious shit and didn't want to give his former student an easy death.

The Jedi go on about how acetic they are... living in a giant marble and gold palace on Coruscant with their private navy and servants and army of droids. But they do nothing to make Couscant a better place to live for the people who live there.

And this is the people who have 'protected' the Republic for a thousand generations. 20,000 years.

The original trilogy starts with the Jedi, who were major cultural thing 20 years back, being this forgotten, mythological story.

Luke knows jack shit about the Jedi. Obi Wan straight up lies and massages the truth. There's that 'From a certain point of view" thing but also "A more elegant Weapon from a more civilised time" - Cut to: Qui gon Gin putting a bet on a 10 year old to win a speeder race with the kid's owner, fully intending to leave the boy's mother in slavery... A the start of a war where human slaves with brain chips will be forced to fight for a Republic that's just as bad as the Empire.

The Jedi are massively hypocritical and kind of nuts.

And then in the last three films, Luke's kind of tumbled to the fact the Jedi are... the myth was better than the people. The Jedi created Palpatine. In canon while they knew he was Force Snsitive they just told him he wasn't good enough and left him for the Sith to recruit. They failed to protect, they just leeched off of people. They were roving spree killers.

It's no accident that Mon Mothma wants her own Jedi for the rebellion. Screw the cachet: She knows one space wizard with a laser sword can hack n' slash through imperial troopers like crazy, Mind Trick their way in and out of any fortress, out-fly any normal pilot, and go toe to toe with Darth Vader... who at time of death was what... 45?

She wants her own Vader. She gets him.

"It's time to let the Jedi die out" Luke Says in the final trilogy, and he's right. Because Luke's managed to start another galactic war by creeping around his students bedrooms with a lightsabre and Kylo has some definite opinions on this, which backed up by Sheev Palpatine...

WHO HAS SOMEHOW RETURNED

... is like "Screw this, arson and murder time". And poor Luke is like... hang on, what is the common denominator for every major galactic conflict of the past 10,000 years? Oh yeah, the Jedi getting their dicks out. Well time to shut up shop and go hit up them space-cow tiddies.

Fair play he's got a plan and he's followed through.

BTW that's not jsut any space sea-cow. They're married. They love each other and they're kinky as hell.