#they haven’t like SAID I’m not allowed but the constant ‘wow SHE sure is showing some skin’ is. yeah. ‘Wow that boy looks depressed’ DUDE.

[asterixafterthis]

sometimes I forget how comfy being goth is. Like yeah. It’s nice.

[wordsbymae]

I really like Alwyn. He’s such a adorable guy. When he called reader a “heifer” my heart soared, but I could relate to reader on probably not wanting to be called that. Like unless I’m dressed up in a cute cow costume don’t even compare me to a cow, 😭😭😭. And o felt that having reader now have a degradation kink is such a cool thing to do, because usually when I read about insecure readers they almost always have a degradation kink (which isn’t bad, I still like reading those) I felt when you incorporate in her character it made her unique from any other insecure reader I have read before, especially since she’s a lady and was taught to be treated like such. Also I just love that he has a build shrine for her. I can imagine how feral he will be when she’s pregnant and her after glow after being pregnant. Do you think he’ll have a lactation kink 🤔? I feel like he would do, because this man (like you don’t already know this : D) has no shame 💀. Watching her waddling around, getting a bit big for the baby (force feeding by Alwyn), I can see him wanting to throw her on the bed and have some fun under the sheets, but since she’s in such a fragile state his overprotection mode is going overdrive. It’s a constant internal struggle, she’s so sexy that he want to rough her up a bit, but she’s always pregnant with his child so he wants to handle her as if she delicate glass. And getting fucked in front his men 🫣, me personally would get embarrassed 😭😭😭. Also I felt that since they live in something kind of medieval time period I feel like they wouldn’t use words like “tits” “sexy” ( because sexy wasn’t created till the 1920s and tits were invented in the 20 century) not to be disrespectful or anything, I thought to make it better was maybe change a bit of the dialogue 🤏. I can imagine the little nicknames he would come up with for his kids, especially if it’s a girl who looked just like reader. I feel like he would make a amazing girl dad. Would praise her beauty, set high standards for any man he who has the guts to even consider approaching his little girl, spoil her, etc. I had watched this one Tiktok where this infant daughter had cried when her dad came home and didn’t immediately pick her up, so when he did she stopped crying and started to smile and laugh, it was so cute 🥰, but the mom was “wow, isn’t she just spoiled 😀” 😭😭😭. She’ll have Alwyn wrapped around her finger. I sorry I haven’t been talking to you, just I had a lot of stuff to do like school assignments and such. Hoped you like this :)

That's totally fine! You don't have to apologise, I've been a bit busy as well. Yes, I loved it!

Hehe I actually quite like the nickname heifer, I don't know why but when it's said in a kind and loving way with my, pretty or sweet in front I don't mind it. But yeah in the case of the reader she thinks it refers to looks or weight or just how some people call women cows in a nasty way so she doesn't really see his thought process behind it. To be honest, if someone called me a heifer I would have to think back on our entire relationship and conversations to make sure it was meant nicely.

Yeah, I don't mind degradation in fics either and it made more sense to me for the reader to want to be praised. She's never been praised for a lot of things in her life, especially when it comes to romantic things, so to hear all the things she's heard her sisters been called and all the things she longed to be called said to her in such a loving and awestruck way just melts her heart. I wanna stress again that Alwyn is lucky he's the first one to ever voice his attraction to the reader, he's lucky that he happened to be the first man to ask on the last day. Otherwise, the reader really would have allowed anyone who showed attraction to her to marry her (which isn't very healthy but I wanna show how desperate she is for love). Oh yeah, she's a lady! Her dad's youngest too, she might not have ever had anyone show her attraction but she has been given respect by her peers and subjects since she was born, so yeah she gets mad when Alwyn doesn't give her that.

I am debating whether to eventually have the reader get pregnant just cause I already have it written in Freddy's and I have it planned it for the Mad King's stories, and I know some people aren't comfortable with it (unlike us two :D ) and since Alwyn is my most popular story I don't want to marginalise anyone. I will probably do a short drabble on it but not have it 'canon' if some people don't want to. But!!!!! I really love the idea of it. He would have no idea what to do and yeah exactly like you said he would go to pick the reader up and then freak out and just be in this constant battle of wanting to touch the reader and then pulling away last second.

Oh boy does he have no shame! Like I said in another drabble, he is down for whatever, so if the reader was pregnant fuck yeah he would be into lactation kink. Also, I think it would quite funny cause before the baby she was his pretty heifer in his mind but now (and if he ever called her this he would be dead) she's his pretty cow.

It would make me so embarrassed too! I wasn't going to put it in but Alwyn is all about attention so it is very him to wanna do that and it turns him on knowing that his men will probably get off later to the memory of his wife's moans but knowing they can never have her.

Haha! Probably, I was torn between making it historically accurate in terms of dialogue and making it easier to read for the readers. There are places I know I slipped into modern slang and things but it was hard to come up with dialogue that flowed and didn't seem as cold. I know I did better in my mad king series but I think it's because (even though there's a shadow demon) to me that one is more historical than this one. To me this one is fantasy. But thank you for telling me! I'll have a look through it and see if I can change some things.

Alwyn would be a great girl dad! I love those thoughts and ideas! I can see him having her on his shoulders as he goes about his business around the camp and she even orders the men around with her arms crossed on top of her dad's shoulders.

Thank you for your thoughts! I loved it!!!!!! :D <3

Also to the anon! I have seen your ask but I have to rush to an exam and then work so I won't be able to answer it till tonight! But I have seen it and I love it!

Lots of love Mae xx

[angstama]

god knows you tried | manjiro (mikey) sano

pairing: bonten!mikey x reader 

genre: angst

warnings: heartbreak, attempt suicide(?), original characters/manga plot (pls do not read if you haven’t read the manga D: ), mentions of religion, implied sex (no smut ok!)

summary: god knows you tried your best. if only mikey knew how hard you’re trying too then perhaps this love wouldn’t hurt as much as you thought. 

 words: 1823 words 

 a/n: i think this sucks but... i hope you enjoy it! <3

god knows you tried.

you watched the ex-toman boys eagerly catching up with takemichi quietly, hands resting against your chin as you took in the rare sight in front of you with a sad smile etched on your lips. this was the happy ending that mikey had sacrificed for everyone but himself. 

“a penny for your thoughts?” mitsuya asks, plopping down next you on to the stone steps. that’s right, it’s june 19th 2018, toman’s formation day anniversary and everyone had gathered around to re-open the time capsule from twelve years ago. “hm? nothing much. just missing a particular someone.” you hummed, dragging your fingers across the ground to draw a heart. mitsuya nods understandingly, knowing not to pry any deeper anymore and for that, you’re thankful. 

crouching down, you hesitantly picked up the the blue coloured envelope you left behind twelve years ago. unsure if you’d wanna read the contents of the letter your naive self written back then. with a deep breath, you slipped open the cover. revealing a photo of candid photo of you and mikey leaning on each other asleep with your mouths wide open taken by emma. 

dearest y/n, 

i wonder what you’re doing right now? 

are you perhaps finally studying in film? 

has that idiot manjiro finally proposed to you?

 or are you the one who proposed to him? 

“y/n, you’ll be with me for a long time right?” mikey asked, staring at the very sky that you both loved oh so very much with your hands intertwined. having grown up with each other since young had pretty much given you both the illusion that the two of you will always be a part of each other’s world. and you hoped with every inch of your heart that mikey wants it to be that way forever. “of course. you’re my heaven and home mikey. i wouldn’t go anywhere else without you by my side.” you squeezed his hand in assurance, knowing that at this very moment, mikey was at his most truthful and vulnerable self with you. 

whatever it is, i hope that you’re living the happy life with him that you’ve been dreaming of. 

signing off, 

toman’s honorary member, y/n l/n. 

everyone was silent. even hakkai who had been making fun of everyone’s letter kept quiet. the boys knew how much you loved and you still love mikey. each opting to give you the concerned and sympathetic look. you could feel you heart breaking even more for you knew you weren’t doing anything that you had hoped for back then. 

you felt mitsuya’s comforting hand softly grabbing onto yours. “well that’s depressing,” you chuckled softly, wanting to get rid of the awkward tension in the air as soon as possible. “let’s grab some ramen, i’m starving.” and with that, you let your feet drag you away from the heavy atmosphere with your head hung low. 

perhaps the hurt wouldn't be as painful if you weren’t the only one who knew what kind of path mikey had chosen to go down. you see, when mikey turned his back against all his closest friend, you had the privilege of staying as his only constant thanks to your stubborn nature but even with that, you weren’t enough to keep him away from his dark impulses. mikey chose the path to destruction and the only thing that you could do was watch from the sidelines and be there when he shows up at wee hours of the night to borrow your body. but you didn't mind. it was during these most intimate moments with mikey that you finally get to feel a piece of him again when he spews the words of “i love you” so effortlessly. 

god knows that you tried. 

“mikey those aren’t good for you.” you frowned, snatching the capsule away from his hand seconds before he could flush it down his system. “what the fuck y/n?” the angered male snaps. you felt yourself falling and back colliding against the hard ground. opening your eyes, you see mikey pining you down with nothing but void darkness in his eyes. “i’ll fucking kill you if you do it again.” mikey taunts, he was serious and you know it. 

“then kill me mikey.” the words slipped out of your tongue instantly. you were tired. tired of trying. you don't know what else can you possibly do to help mikey anymore. mikey says nothing but got off you. he dusted himself and without sparing you single glance, he showed you his back again, walking out of the door where sanzu was already holding open for him. “get her home.” you heard him say. 

it’s been a week since you guys opened the time capsule. nothing much had happened since then except you’ve been spending more time with hina considering how she’s often over to mitsuya’s studio for gown fitting. you admired and envy her love story with takemichi. but who were you to complain? you were lucky enough that mikey still wanted you around. so it shouldn’t hurt so much when you sae her adorning the beautiful wedding gown that mitsuya had spent months on tailoring. 

you let out a tired yawn, stretching your arms above your head as you finished touching up the last few bits of editing on your laptop. you looked over at the calendar on your table, a pink heart circled over today’s date and smiled. “mitsuya, i’m gonna knock off first okay?” you announced, tidying up your table and reaching out for the bag of the familiar favourite deserts of a certain male. 

mitsuya nods, “thank you for your hard work y/n”. he flashes you a smile, eye slowly trailing to the white plastic bag dangling from your side as you waved goodbye, back facing him and walking away. “you’re going to see him aren't you?” you stopped in your tracks. “i know he never left you. plus you got a bag filled with dorayakis and taiyakis. that’s pretty obvious.” mitsuya chuckles. you always knew mitsuya to be perceptive but it never once occured to you that your best friend who is also your boss would ever catch on to the secret you’ve been hiding for twelve years. 

“how did yo-” 

“be careful y/n.” mitsuya waves you off, going back to whatever he was doing. a fond smile creeps onto your lips as you watched mitsuya working hard. “thank you mitsuya. for everything. really,” you whispered, but loud enough for the dual dyed coloured hair boy to look up again when you walked away. 

you made your way towards the secluded vip section of the club through swarms of body swaying around you until you saw the familiar tall pink haired male standing outside the golden door. 

“hey sanzu,” you greeted, barely audible over the loud booming music. you were about to push the door open when sanzu towers over you immediately, denying you of your entrance. you looked at sanzu in confusion, “it’s me, y/n. i’m here to see mikey.” you said loudly, voice straining to over power the background noise. “ i know. but mikey will not be seeing anyone right now.” he retorts back. 

surely mikey knew that you were visiting tonight right? after all it’s your anniversary date. you tilted your head at sanzu. not fully understanding what he’s saying. to say that you’re feeling absolutely livid would be an understatement right now. you’re too tired, angry and broken hearted to process anything anymore so you exploded. you only wanted to see your boyfriend. was that a very difficult request? 

“sanzu,” you said lowly, eyes staring blankly into his and as if on cue, you brought your knees to his precious manhood before making another high kick at him, bringing him down. it was a technique that mikey had taught you when you were younger and attending martial arts lesson together with baji. god you missed baji so much. 

“y/n because you’re short, you can do this instead.” mikey suggested smugly, kneeing poor baji’s little friend before swinging his legs much more harder than he intended to at baji’s profile when he bent forward. the main point was to get your opponent to lean forward so that your legs could reach high enough to create an impact on their skull. you eyes lit up in excitement, “wow! that’s so cool! let me try it!” you jumped impatiently. turning towards mikey to execute the exact same move. “wait n-! AHH,” mikey’s eyes widened, and before he knew it, you had completely knocked him over. 

that day, as mikey and baji lied down with pain still intact barely moving an inch, shinchiro only gave you a thumbs up and praised you for taking down the invincible mikey. you were the only one who could do that. 

“sanzu, i’ll see my boyfriend as and when i’d like to.” you said curtly, eyeing sending daggers at him lying on the ground before stepping over him to swing the door open, revealing your petite self to the other bonten’s executives and hostess who were staring at you in surprise. 

you don’t see anyone else but your lover who’s currently sitting in the center with two pretty hostess sitting by his side. you don’t hesitate and begun walking  towards him. “get your hands off my man.” you said calmly. there was tension in the air and from the corner of your eyes, you could see the executives slowly getting up to leave as if on cue. 

“aren’t you as stubborn as always,” he raises a brow as you settled down next to him, pouring the bag of dessert on the glass table in front of you. you smile softly, grabbing a packet of taiyaki and handing it to him before grabbing one for yourself too. “happy 14th anniversary mikey.” you mumbled softly before grabbing a bite.  14 years, that was how long you two had been together for. “mhm. happy 14th anniversary y/n.” mikey hums, allowing you lean in close to him and resting your head on his chest. 

you take in the scent of mikey for you knew that this is going to be the last time you’re going to be able to hold mikey close to you. you didn't want this moment to end but you were too tired to continue on and see what's going to happen the next when you go back to just another normal day. you held tightly to the gun you hid in your bag, shutting your eyes tightly. 

“hey mikey,” you called out. you never thought you’d see it again but you saw a flash of endearment in his eyes when you called him. “i love you so much, promise you’ll take care of yourself alright?” you smiled warmly before pulling the gun out of your bag and putting it against your head. 

god knows you tried. 

god knows you did your best and now you’re going home. 

bang!

[statticscribbles]

Singer

Summary: Sweet Pea/Reader- Soulmate AU where you can hear whatever music your soulmate is listening to

You’d grown up hearing your parent’s humming songs in secret. Your mother’s voice streaming upbeat pop music and opera ballads; while your father hissed along with the alt-rock and the country drawl he heard in his head. They didn’t need to tell you they weren’t soulmate’s; the music did that for them. They assured you that while they did love each other, and wanted to meet their soulmate’s, sometimes the world was too big, and the funds to short to get them out of the small town they called home. You worried constantly that Riverdale would trap you the same way it had them; not truly miserable, but never happy enough.

They put you in singing and piano lessons when you’re five, you drop the piano in exchanged for ballet and keep the singing until your parents decided not to drive you to Centerville for lessons; you join the cheerleading squad instead.

You’re not sure what genres your soulmate is into, their changing taste the only constant with the music. You settle into a mixture of Pop and Dance music that only grows as you join the River Vixens in high school. You enjoy singing; although you try your best to limit it to hours you know both you and your soulmate are awake. Usually they start listening to music around the time you start school, you try not to listen before then, although morning practices usually leave you humming whatever song Cheryl decided to have you all dance to. The music your soulmate listens to seems to constantly stream throughout the day, wherever he goes to school either allows music constantly or he’s sneaking it. Cheryl laughs when you hum under your breath whatever song you’re soulmate is listening to. “So your soulmate is into Indie then? How much you wanna bet he’s some pretentious hipster. Isn’t he?” “Well I haven’t met him have I?” ———————————————————————————

“Hey do any of you know the lyrics; ‘We get lost, and we get found; Now we are here, we won’t back down’ my soulmate has been listening to it on repeat for an hour.” Toni huffs and Sweet Pea nods. “They must be hanging out with mine then; my soulmate is listening to the same thing.” “Aww they’re friends like you two are, you can go on double dates.” Fangs laughs, “That’s a Josie and the pussycat’s song by the way. That means they must be here in Riverdale!!” “Hey! Wait for us!” Fangs shouts after Sweet Pea jogging to catch up to where he’s run up to, he’s stopped and turns around to look nervously at Fangs. “If she knows the Pussycat’s she’s probably a Northsider.” His face falls and Fangs rolls his eyes. “I don’t think she’ll care you’re a Southsider, the gang though, that might freak her out.” ——————————————————————————-

Cheryl had been the one to inform you the Southsider’s were coming to Riverdale. You caught your soulmate almost mockingly singing the Riverdale high fight song. You didn’t know what to expect ignoring all the rumors everyone started spreading. You much preferred to judge your soulmate for who he was when you met him, not based on everything everybody was saying. You find yourself spending more time with Kevin, he’d managed to explain his soulmate was a Southsider; you figured if the sheriff’s son was going to be with a Southsider it could be all that bad. ———————————————————————————–

It’s just your luck you managed to catch a weeklong flu when the Southsider’s are set to make their debut to the school. You trudge in still half sick but coherent enough for your parents to deem you fit to return to school. You wonder how pissed your soulmate is, you’d been marathoning every Disney movie and every musical you could find while you coughed your lungs up at home. You’re half humming a song from Heathers when Kevin and Betty pull you into a hug. “Hey no, I’m still kinda sick so I don’t-“ “You really think we care Y/N? You’ve been gone for the most exciting week ever! You have to meet all the serpents!” “I will I just have to check with Cheryl about practice this week.” -You leave after checking with her, bumping into two of the Serpents. “Sorry.” You smile at them.

“I’m Y/N, you are?” “Toni Topaz, and that’s Fangs Fogarty. Nice to meet you, you new too?” You shake your head. “No, I was sick all last week it’s probably why you didn’t.” You pause wrinkling your nose when your soulmate starts blasting some new song. “You okay?” “Yeah my soulmate decided to crank it up to like fifty on the volume apparently. That’s probably what I get considering he had to listen to Disney and half of the Broadway musical roster all last week.” They laugh along with you. “So how’re you guys adjusting? I was told it was kind of tense?” They nod walking with you to lunch.

“It hasn’t been too bad. Sweet Pea’s having a hard time adjusting.” “Our other friend, he’s a Serpent, but his soulmate goes here and has been avoiding him.” Toni clarifies. “Oh god that must be horrible, can you not talk to them about trying to help him adjust?” “Well they haven’t met yet.” “Oh, well if they’re here it shouldn’t be to hard to wrangle them to at least say hi.” “We don’t know who it is.”

“Well pick out a song for him and just have him blast it 24/7, either one of you will pick up on his soulmate singing it, or they’ll find him to complain.” “We can make him play that song she listened to all the time!” Fangs beams slinging an arm around you smiling. “You’re the best Y/N” “You’ve just met me.” “And now you’re our friend, problem solved!” “That’s not a problem.” Toni comments sitting down. “What’s not a problem?” “Y/N just solved your soulmate problem!”

“It’s not a problem, we haven’t met and we can avoid each other until she’s ready to meet.” He scowls. “Sweet Pea, just try it! All you have to do is pick a song and just blast it to her! Then she’ll either get so annoyed she’ll find you, or we’ll hear her singing it too!” “So you want me to piss my soulmate off before I meet her?” “No, pick a song she likes!” “Wow, yeah hang on let me ask what her favourite song is!” He snaps and you can’t help but laugh.

“Well then pick your favourite? Or something that reminds you of her?” You ask him and he nods. “Okay fine, I’ll start tonight.” “Tonight?” “Well yeah after the Serpent meeting so everyone can be on the look out.” Fangs beams nodding. “I’m glad I could help then.” You smile at Sweet Pea and try not to blush when he smiles back. Toni arches an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything as you bid them goodbye.

You’re sitting in Pop’s half asleep after Vixen practice trying to not pass out before your food shows up when you hear it. You’ve only heard your soulmate actually singing about four times, but it’s one of the things that made you fall in love with him. Of course the comfort of his voice is the last thing you need while trying not to fall asleep. You struggle, trying your best to focus on the actual words; you swallow shocked at the song that he’s singing.

You feel dumb for not thinking about how he caught on to your music habits as much as you have for him. You sit still and enjoy the private concert. You wonder if he picked it up from how often you’d sing it; or if it was the time that you would sing and listen to it. –Load the car and write the note; Grab your bag and grab your coat; Tell the ones that need to know.– You hum faintly, careful to not let the sound too far past your lips, you don’t think you want your soulmate meeting you like this, exhausted and caked in sweat and grime. ————————————————————————————

The song has been playing on repeat for days, anytime your soulmate seems to switch to another song he cuts himself off restarting the song once more. “Hey Kevin, you said you needed help with the sound check?” You watch as Kevin sinks into a chair in the theatre, you smile at Toni and Fangs, the rest of the Serpent’s lounging around, as well as Archie and his friends. “Can you sing?” Cheryl ask and you shrug. “I’ve been taking singing lessons since I was five, so I like to think I can.” You smile.

“Besides I don’t need to sing for a basic sound check.” Kevin coughs slightly. “So I do need to sing?” “Please,  just pick something, and sing into the mic.” You nod gripping the mic and letting your soulmate sart the song for you. “ Oh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in, Are you aware the shape I’m in? My hands they shake, my head it spins, Oh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in-“ You’ve never heard someone harmoinze with you before but the way the voice from you head blends with yours settles the anxiety in your chest. “Three words that became hard to say, I and love and you” You pause when Kevin holds up his hand.

“That’s great.” He nods and you swing off the stage, Toni and Fangs track your movements and you make your way over to them when they wave. “What?” “Your soulmate was singing that wasn’t he.” “Yeah.” “You want to meet him?” “You know him?” Your face lights up and they falter. “You want to meet him?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I?” “Well; he’s a Serpent.” “Do you think I care? Wait, does he not want me?” You cant help the ice that shoots through your chest, already planning  break-up songs to blast when you get home. “What no, he’s just nervous. About everything.” “Why would he be nervous we’re soulmates. I’ll love him no matter what.” “You mean that?” You nod at Fangs. “Uhh okay Pop’s at six?”He rushes out nodding to you and you nod back confused, as Toni almost shoves you to Vixen practice with her. You miss the way the rest of the Serpent’s enter through the side door, Sweet Pea scanning the crowd.

You’d been able to go home early with Toni, she’d explained to Cheryl you were planning on meeting your soulmate and Cheryl had practically shoved you out of the gym, assuring you Toni would help you pick something out to wear. “Does Cheryl really not trust me to find an outfit to wear?” “Well you’re meeting your soulmate, you have to look nice.” “If he’s my soulmate he won’t care what I wear.” “It’s not about that, imagine you meet him and he’s nothing like what you expect him to be.” “Toni I’ve been listening to his music taste flip back and forth, there’s barely any consistency, it took me years to even figure out he was in Riverdale, let alone close by.” Toni nods. “You know Cheryl and I are soulmates right? I had to listen to hours of all the Vixen practice music, before you’d actually practice. So I know a little about that, everyone does.”

“My parents don’t. They couldn’t, they can’t afford to visit to look for their soulmates.” Toni pulls you into a hug. “That’s not you, you have the chance to meet him; why wouldn’t you. Seems even him being a Serpent won’t dissuade you.” “You know him.” Toni nods. “Yes, it’s how we know to meet you.” She smiles and your eyes widen. “You know him.” You repeat and she nods laughing. “Come on, don’t want to be late.” She nudges you as you come up to Pop’s doors.

You step through the doors and Fangs blocks your view; holding out a blindfold. “Don’t say anything we’re going to take them off at the same time; it’ll be cute.” You sigh letting him tie the fabric around your eyes and walk you to a booth, you have no clue who’s sitting in it, it was the only booth away from all of the windows, probably planed by them. “Okay sit down and in three, two, one.” Toni beams and you blink adjusting to the light. “Thanks for the advice by the way. It really helped.” You look across to see Sweet Pea sitting smiling at you.

“Glad the advice could be of use then.” You try your best not to move your hands aware they’re shaking. You can tell Sweet Pea picks up on his eyebrow quirking. “My uh, my parents never met there soulmates, so this is, a bit of a big deal for me. Oh my god I didn’t tell them, they’re gonna kill me.” You look up to see Sweet Pea laughing. “What? This is serious!” He shakes his head.

“It’s not like we don’t; we live in a tiny ass town; besides we go to school, I share five classes with you. We’re not going to part ways and never see each other. Besides, I’d like to get to know you, before I go meet your parents.” “There’s not much to know.” Sweet Pea smirks. “That my dear soulmate is where I beg to differ. You’re my other half. I want to know everything about you.” “Where do I start?” “Well what’s your favourite song?” You can’t help but join in his laughter.

Support My Writing?

[sanderxxrobbe]

🤔 Personal Note..

I just want to make a few things clear...

The last day or so my accounts, my name and personal information (which some are false) has been circulating on tumblr leading to online hate, abusive messages and threats to me and my family. Just because one single person decided to voice their opinion and their personal views (YES THEIR PERSONAL VIEWS) and attack me online. I do not know this person or why she felt the need to do this personal attack in this manner (as a simple / healthy discussion about the topics she raised would have been sufficient). She nor anyone else has never messaged me on tumblr. She planned / intented from the beginning to attack me so this wasn't going to happen nicely (Yes anything can look and sound inappropriate when you only take sections of a post..Read the whole post and then comment). And by what i can see by her account/ posts i'm not the first and won't be the last account she bullies or abuses.

Yes everyone is entitled to their opinion and i value / accept this but the way this was executed was just vicious, calculated and right out harmful. And it shouldn't be allowed on here or on any social platform. I feel sorry for people who think this is acceptable behaviour. I would hear of this type of behaviour but never thought it would happen to me. How these accounts think its ok to go into another fandom in this manner..Wasn't SKAM & ALL SKAM REMAKES created for people to come together and enjoy a fun show and discuss everyday life topics..Togetherness.The SKAM CREATOR would be mortified by these people's behaviour and actions. Attacking other fandoms creates such a toxic environment. I'm sure that's not the message she wanted to portray..Also to have abuse and hate towards people just for fun and for their  own twisted pleasure is beyond words..To belittle people is not a form of fun..And attracking people trying to enjoy their love of their favourite fandom instead of having proper conversations. Its crazy. Watching my every move and documenting it over a year..WOW..serious issues there. This in its self is scary, stalking and bullying.

I'm not here to play the VICTIM. NOT AT ALL..Yes i too am to BLAME..And Thank you for bring my flaws and behaviour to my attention. I take full responsibility for my accounts and what i post and if i have offended or made anyone uncomfortable or feel like they need to leave this WTFOCK fandom I do sincerley apologise with all my heart. This was never my intention when i joined. Yes I may have been naive and not thought about how my posts would impact others but i guess i just assumed since wtfock covered so many serious and adult topics and there were so many written SOBBE Fanfics (mature / explicit) and mature gifs out there. Fans would be mature enough to understand my harmless, funny & loving posts (Mostly loving banter between Characters). Not acknowledging there maybe minors (18 years or less) in the fandom was my mistake. My sincere apologies to you. Yes I will take a good hard look at myself and take responsibility for my actions and think carefully before posting or saying anything in the future.. Everyone joins these platforms of their own free will..no one is forcing you to be here and you have the freedom to comment, dislike, unfollow,  block people or leave. My inbox has always been open for everyone. I created my TUMBLR and INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT for my LOVE of WTFOCK & the CAST (My love for S03 - SOBBE, the Willems (DS & H) & CAST) & to be a constant support to these amazing actors and the show...As they don't always get the credit they deserve. I only follow people who have approached me. Who are they to judge who i choose follow. If i am such a threat and annoying to the wtfock cast then why haven't they blocked or ignored me. Why does one of the cast members follow me. Then why does some of the wtfock cast chat with me. Why do they like my comments. (This is Not public knowledge as i don't see the right in posting personal conversations like many do)..Making accusations & assumptions without all the facts is immature and unacceptable.

I like /enjoy being creative & spreading joy & happiness in all that I post..i spend alot of time thinking about my posts & making sure they don't offend or make people uncomfortable (most times checking my posts with my mutual / asking permission to use their post and to see if my posts are ok to post 😏)..I use quite alot of other accounts posts (Their words eg: incorrect quotes) and add my spin to them (Mostly adding pictures). So if you know my style or me I always comment with my heart, with love & say what i feel. I do not stalk or post people's personal information or conversations..I try not to invade anyone's privacy. I genuine mean well..What you see is what you get .For those people (accounts) that have messaged me abuse & hate recently towards me and my family in regarded to this person's personal post / comments..Please STOP..if you don't like what i post just unfollow me, block me or ignore my posts..There is no need for it. SO JUST LEAVE..Everyone is intitled to an opinion (Which i value) but being mean / hateful in the process is not acceptable..

I have made some amazing friendships / friends on here from all over the world which i'm greatful for & will cherish forever..Thank you to all the beautiful people that have emailed me. Everyone has had a tough year with so much uncertainty (Covid) and we are all trying to manage / live it the best way we can..So to add this to the mix my year has started well..Not..My inbox is always open for a chat or a hello..I know what i have written here will be dissected, scrutinised, distorted & torn to pieces by these toxic accounts but i know the truth and so do my true followers and mutual. So do what you will with this post as i have said my bit and your not worth my time anymore. I won't be replying and i won't let you get to me. I'm done with you (BLOCKED). Thank you to all my mutuals and followers for joining me on this WTFOCK ride.

Please in the WTFOCK STYLE ALWAYS be kind & don't judge unless you have walked a day in that person's shoes. Love to you all always..❤ Elsa 😍

[spencersglasses]

Blood Type: B Positive

A/N: *GIF ISNT MINE* sup y’all! i literally haven’t written since middle school (i'm going into junior year). i just wrote this based on my experience a few days ago, i’m terrified of needles and getting blood taken. i did a little puny spin on it to make it a little better :) hope y'all enjoy <3

Couple: Spencer Reid/Reader

Category: FLUFFY FLUFF

Warnings: Lots of Bad Puns, (Fear of) Needles, Getting Blood Drawn, Hospital/Clinic Environment

Word Count: 1,493

--------------------------------------------

“I don’t know if I can do this, Spencer.” I continuously looked back at him and down at my lap. I was obviously nervous, judging by my bouncing leg and constant fidgeting. 

I have to get my blood drawn today and even though my day job surrounds me with blood and tears, the moment someone mentions a needle coming anywhere towards me, I feel like passing out. Spencer could see how obviously this was bothering me. I felt his hand on my now profusely shaking thigh as we sat on the most uncomfortable clinic lobby chairs to exist. 

“I’ll be there with you every step of the way alright? I've already let the doctors know about how you’re feeling today and they’ve allowed me to stay with you when it happens.” Spencer pulled me out of my thoughts as he gave me a small squeeze on the thigh. I shoot him a soft, slightly fake smile before returning to my thoughts involuntarily.

All I can think about is how the foreign object is actually going to be inside my skin, the needle, inside me. What if they can’t find a vein immediately, what if they just keep jabbing into my arm to find a vein and they accidentally rip open one of them and I bleed out right there? What if-

“Y/F/N? Y/F/N Y/L/N?” a nurse called out from the front desk as I felt my heart drop. Spencer could clearly see the absolute terror in my eyes so he took one of my fidgeting hands in his as he helped me up. I complied, no matter how badly I wanted to just run out the door.  

As we entered the back room, I felt Spencer give my hand a squeeze of reassurance, earning a small, more genuine, smile from me. 

The room was painted white, sectioned off into 3 different areas, 2 were occupied with other patients getting their blood drawn. The sight of someone getting their blood drawn made me weak at my knees, knowing I’m next. The floor was mostly tiled, alternating between green and white-colored tiles. The walls were speckled with small posters, some identifying the different uses and bottles of blood that could be taken, others with generic quotes. The area that we were taken to was the farthest away from the little lobby we were in before. 

“You can go ahead and sit right here,” the lady nurse motioned at the light brown cushioned chair attached to the floor, the arms being the type that would curve inward towards the person sitting down, used for these exact scenarios. “You can stand beside her if you want.” She smiled towards Spencer. Spencer sent her a nod and quick thank you as she walked off to go grab, what I presumed, were supplies. 

As I sat down, my damn leg started bouncing again, gaining a sympathetic look from Spencer. I looked up at him, seeing the cogs in his brain turning before his mouth turned into a slight grin.

“Did you know that research from YouGov Omnibus reports show that about 59% of Americans enjoy puns?” Spencer spoke, averting my attention away from the 5 blood canisters on the table beside me. I let out a slight chuckle, understanding, and appreciating his new method of distracting me. 

“I’m guessing we fall into that category?” I questioned back, earning a small grin from him. “Tell me your worst pun,” I add, giving in to the distraction. It looked as if he was deep in thought for a second.

“What did I say to the boiling pot of water on the stove?” 

“I don’t know Spence, what did you say??” I say sarcastically, although I was eager to hear his response. He chuckled to himself,

“Rest in peace water, you will be mist.” We both erupted into a small fit of laughter, making sure to cover my mouth to not bring too much attention towards myself. 

“That physically hurt to listen to, oh my god,” I say as I’m slowly coming down from my laughs. “But I’ve got a better one.” Spencer cocked a single eyebrow at me, waiting for my response. 

“What do you call a classroom lesson on serial killers?”

“Criminology?” Spencer joked, earning a glare from me. “I don’t know Y/N, what do you call a classroom lesson on serial killers?”

“A Hannibal Lecture!” We erupted once again, a bit louder than before. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted the nurse making her way back to me. I lightly smacked Spencer’s arm to signal him that we need to calm down. Thankfully, we somewhat calmed down by the time the nurse returned. 

“I see you’ve calmed down a bit.” The nurse pointed out, smiling sweetly at me. I returned the smile with a small yeah, eyeing Spencer. He was still quietly giggling to himself. I shot him a playful glare to get him to calm down because if he was laughing, I was bound to start laughing as well. “I’m just going to tie this around your right arm, by doing this, I’m making your veins pop out so I don’t have to go digging in your arm to find one.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, I felt my stomach drop slightly. I gave her a nod and I felt Spencer give my left hand, which was currently intertwined with his, a little reassuring squeeze.  

“Okay, I’ve found a vein,” she stated calmly. I felt my blood pressure rise a bit. “I’m now going to disinfect the area. I’ll let you know when I’ve inserted the needle into your arm, alright?” she stated again. I sent her another nod as I averted my attention to Spencer. He’s smiling down at me, finally calming down fully from his little giggle attack. I sent him a little squeeze, signaling him to distract me as the lady entered a huge needle into my arm.

He took the hand that he was holding and carefully laid a kiss on top of it, making sure not to make me move my other arm. The grin I gave him then was probably one of the biggest and most genuine smiles I’ve given him today. This man really knows how to calm someone down. 

“I’m inserting the needle now.” The lady states. I immediately closed my eyes, feeling a tight pinch on my arm. I involuntarily let out a small ow, making Spencer chuckle again. As my body begins to adapt to the tight fabric around my upper arm and the obvious needle inside of me, I send Spencer another glare. He just gives my hand another kiss and holds it against his cheek, our fingers still intertwined. We sat in a weirdly-comfortable silence for another minute or so.

“That’s it, you’re free to go!” the lady exclaims, causing me to open my eyes to see the 5 vials of my own blood. “I’m going to remove the needle from your arm now,” she states again as I watch her remove it, feeling calmer and a bit embarrassed at my anxieties that melted away so quickly. She then asked me to hold a small cotton ball over the puncture, causing me to let go of Spencer, putting a small amount of tape over it to secure it. I already felt my arm becoming sore. She then led us out the little corridor, to the lobby door. I waved and said a quick thank you before speed walking out. 

“Wow, you really wanna get out of here, don’t you?” Spencer questions, mockingly. I send him a quick “yup” before walking out of the clinic. I then turn around and throw him the keys of the car, prompting that he should drive because of my already sore arm. Although Spencer’s kind of a smart ass sometimes, he was a complete and utter gentleman, coming over to open my door for me. I say a quick thank you before making my way into the car carefully. 

As he enters the car, he doesn’t start it immediately, instead sits down and stares at me, lovingly, for a quick second. I mimicked his early gesture, cocking an eyebrow at him not starting the car. He looks me up and down and says, 

“You know what you are Y/N? You’re copper tellurium.” He says nonchalantly, as he then starts the car. It takes you a second to realize what he said, knowing that chemistry has never been your strong suit. 

“Copper tellurium?” you say out loud. As you buckle your seat belt, it hits you. “Oh! I’m cute? Awe Spence.” You feel your heart warm at the small pick up line Spencer just used on you. As Spencer pulls out of the parking spot, a slight blush covers his face. 

“Well, Iodine Lutetium Vanadium Uranium” I responded, sheepishly. Spencer once again chuckles before intertwining our fingers,

“I love you too.”

[thepancakeboi]

Meeting Sae’s Cognitive Goro

Admin here to yeet this 3-day mess of “how does one write lol” based on this amazing idea (click that for the link, seriously, click it) from @ofhualiians (please let this tag work) that I reblogged and immediately knew I had to write something after having not written for months. Anyways, um...hope you enjoy? Or something? Okay, I’m going to stop rambling now.

In the two years I have traversed the world of the Metaverse, I thought I had seen everything this world had to offer. The glitzy casino we are currently in is only the tip of the iceberg. This is a world where banks can fly in the sky and fighting mythological beings is a constant occurrence. One of the Palaces had even been a spaceport, complete with UFOs and having to go through sections of outer space. Nothing should be able to surprise me anymore.

That is, until Sae’s Palace. Ever since I had started working with the Phantom Thieves, with Joker, I have been surprised time and time again. But now that we have secured the route to the treasure, there shouldn’t be anything more to surprise me.

How foolish I am to think that is the case.

We have just crossed the Bridge of Judgment to head out of the Palace when we are greeted by the sight of a...very familiar brunet. This must be Sae’s cognition of me. Seeing for myself how someone else sees me is jarring. It’s like looking into a distorted mirror: staring at yourself yet it’s not your actual reflection meeting your gaze. Everyone else tenses up as if they’re anticipating a fight. Well, everyone except Joker. He decides to approach the cognition without a second thought...or perhaps even a first thought.

Upon noticing the raven-haired thief, the cognition grins, giving that picture-perfect smile I use so often while in public. I slowly move away from the group to observe since it’s clear this won’t end in a fight. This cognition is so innocent and soft that I doubt it would even put up a fight if we attacked. It makes me want to puke. “Oh, hello, Amamiya-kun. I was hoping to see you, actually,” the cognition adds, a pink tinge dusting its cheeks.

Wait. Is that thing...blushing?

Joker tilts his head as he stops a few feet away from the cognition. He moves his mask off his face, but I can’t make out his expression at this angle. “Oh? What is it, Akeppi?”

My eyes narrow at that damn nickname. Why is Joker even bothering to speak to it, as if it’s me? That thing is nothing like me. It’s just a cognition. It isn’t worth our time, though I don’t say this out loud. I’m too busy trying to keep myself from showing my outrage as the cognition’s blush becomes more obvious. Its voice is barely louder than a whisper as it speaks. “Wow, you’re hot.”

What.

I freeze up, unable to hide my shock at the cognition’s comment. Why is it even saying something so...so absurd? Why is it even acting like this?

And...how the hell does it know!?

Wait, no. I don’t have a crush on Ren Amamiya. I don’t. Sure, I spend a lot of what little free time I get with him. I can acknowledge that he is charming and captivating. I also suppose he would be considered attractive by many. But I do not have a crush on him. I can’t have a crush on him.

The only good thing about any of this is that even Joker’s slightly surprised; it’s barely noticeable and only for a split second, but it’s still there. His lips twist into a sly smirk as he recovers so easily. He’s facing the cognition, but it’s almost as if Joker is staring right at me as he asks, “Is that what you think?”

The cognition nods, much to my annoyance. “I’m always talking about you to Sae-san when we aren’t discussing a case we’re working on. She likely knows that I have a crush on you.”

I have to fight the urge to shoot the cognition right between its stupid wide eyes before it goes spilling any more nonsense. Oh, how I want it to just shut up. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t be very becoming of the detective prince. I’ve worked so hard to build up this charade and I can’t let it shatter now. “Joker, we should leave,” I interject, trying to keep my irritation out of my voice. “We’ve secured the route to the treasure already. There’s no point in talking to Sae’s cognition of me.”

“We can get some insight into Sae’s views,” Joker replies. Oh, now he comes up with some valid reasoning. It’s infuriating. “And how could I ignore such a pretty face?” he adds, giving the smuggest grin imaginable, even going so far as to wink.

New plan: let’s just shoot Joker now.

The cognition’s blush deepens, looking embarrassed as it replies, “If you see me as pretty, then you must be gorgeous. I...may have called you that to Sae-san once.”

Great. I had wanted to forget about that. It had been a rare slip of the tongue, nothing more. Joker, however, seems to think otherwise. He chuckles as he wraps an arm around the cognition, his grin widening as the cognition reciprocates the action. My stomach clenches, and I shove the surge of intense jealousy deep in the recesses of my mind. I refuse to feel anything about this. Even as he gently caresses the cognition’s cheek. “That’s so cute. Is there anything else you’ve told her?”

I’m almost grateful as the cognition frowns. “We haven’t spoken much. She doesn’t trust me, not since she accused me of stealing data off her laptop.”

“You, steal data?” Joker asks, not missing a beat as he adds, “You’re too pretty to be a criminal.”

“You’re pretty, though-”

I’ve had enough of this. With a small huff of annoyance, I say, “Joker, it’s clear we aren’t going to get anything out of this. Let us leave.”

This time, Joker does relent, moving away from the cognition. “I’ll see you later,” Joker says to it, blowing it a kiss as he walks away. I follow him and the rest of the thieves, who have been watching in absolute confusion. I am already dreading our next conversation.

We leave the Palace with very little fanfare. Everyone says their goodbyes, and we all split off. Before I can leave, Ren grabs a hold of my wrist, looking quite smug as my own face heats up. “What is it, Ren?” I ask curtly, hoping he’ll take the hint and leave.

He doesn’t, of course. He has that cocky smirk he usually only gets as Joker as he pulls me close. “So...you like me?” he asks in that low, sexy tone-

You did not hear that from me.

“No, I don’t like you in the way you think.”

“Sure about that?” Ren is right in my face, those gray eyes of his seeing right through my statement. I can’t help but notice how beautiful his eyes are. “The cognition said it, Akeppi.”

There he goes again with that stupid nickname. “That wasn’t the real me. It doesn’t count.”

“Does too.”

“How so?”

“Because Sae must have a reason to think that you do.”

“Am I not allowed to talk about you on occasion?”

“On occasion?” Ren snickers as he repeats my words. “You liar. It sounds like you talk about me all the time.”

“I do no such thing. The cognition was clearly exaggerating.”

“I don’t believe you,” he nearly whispers. His breath is hot against my ear. Damn is he such a beautiful, distracting menace. Wait, no. He’s little more than an inconvenience. Distracting, yes, but decidedly an inconvenient part of my life as of this moment. “I think the detective’s fallen in love with the thief he’s trying to catch.”

I’m tempted to back up and put some distance between us, but I refuse to let him see that he’s getting to me. It would only prove him right. “You’re wrong, Ren. I do not ramble incessantly about you, nor do I-”

“No,” he interrupts, pressing his index finger on my lips to silence me, “you’re wrong.”

It’s only now that I finally pull away. “This is getting us nowhere. Perhaps we should call it a night.”

“Okay,” he says, sounding a little saddened at my statement.

“Well, I’ll see you later.”

“Goodnight, honey,” he hums, smirking as my face flushes. He is so infuriating, god damnit. I can hear his laughter behind me as I turn around and briskly walk away, not letting him have another moment of satisfaction from teasing me.

[candycorncarl]

Right Here, Right Now

WOW!! I’m finally posting part 4! I am so sorry it took this long. I had a lot going on but I reworked this part sooo many times. I really wanted to do something similar to the toothbrush scene in bring it on and one of the priest scenes in fleabag... enjoy!! p.s there are two songs I used as inspo for this chapter fever thoughts by louis III and north by clairo! 

Warnings: alcohol, angst Word count: 4.5k

Part 4

"Couldn't our unsub choose, I don't know? A warm sandy beach?" Emily groans, zipping her coat up. You all make your way into the parking lot of the local police station.

The forecast for your stay in Maine was looking rather snowy. The town you were in was smaller than usual so they didn't have typical accommodations for many visitors. Right now the plan was to stay at the station. Something you were all hoping wouldn't actually have to happen. You don't know whose idea it was to wait outside since it was freezing, but the snow was beautiful.

"At least the scenery is pretty." You look up at the sky watching it fall, feeling yourself blinking away small flakes.

"Should we all huddle together to stay warm?" Derek smiles at the three of you. "Oh yeah you'd love that." JJ scoffs with an eye roll. Looking past the group you see Spencer standing by himself. He's struggling trying to study a map on the hood of the suv while fighting off the cold. If I was going to huddle with anyone to stay warm it would be him. He gives up on the map and looks up at the snow falling. The parking lot lamp softly lighting up his face. That constant subtle ache from missing him hurts a little more watching him take in the snow. The way it was falling made it look like he was moving in slow motion. It's not until he's made his way standing next to you in the group that you're knocked out of your trance. Diverting your eyes back to Derek, he's talking about... Chicago winters, ah okay.

"Well I know one things for sure, I am going to warm up with a nice cup of tea that Y/n will be serving about a certain someone." A big grin forms across Emily's face as she tightens her coat around her body. "Ohhh count me in." JJ says with a mischievous smile. "Oh my god." You tug down on your coat pockets feeling put on the spot. Looking down at your feet you let out a small laugh, trying to hide how uncomfortable you actually are. Please, let's talk about anything else. "Hey now, what about us?" Derek asks sounding offended, gesturing to Spencer. Your breath hitches at the thought of Spencer sitting there listening to you talk about Luke. "No boys allowed, sorry." Emily shrugs her shoulders at Derek. As your breathing returns to normal you try to avoid looking at Spencer. You can feel his eyes on you, waiting for you to say something. "Yeah, well you're welcome. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't even know who he is." Derek huffs out a laugh.

You laugh Derek off but can't help to glance up at Spencer, looking up at him feeling like a guilty puppy. His eyes dart to the ground and you watch his brows furrow together. Great, he can't even look at me. Unsure of how to reply, this is literally the last thing you wanted to talk about with Spencer around. As you awkwardly laugh trying to figure out how to respond Spencer pipes up, looking back up at the snow. The snowflakes gingerly kiss his skin, I never thought I'd be jealous of snow. "Did you guys know snow is comprised of ninety to ninety five percent trapped air? It makes for a great insulator. An igloo that uses only body heat can become around 100 degrees warmer inside compared to the outside temperature." Spencer begins to ramble, distracting the group from the previous conversation. "So... what? We should just build igloos to sleep in tonight?" JJ retorts. "Considering none of us have ever in built one, it would take too long to actually be practical for tonight. It can take anywhere from three to six-" Spencer continues. "Please tell us we all have beds to sleep in tonight!" Derek shouts over Spencer at Hotch and Rossi as they make their way back to the group. "We found a bed and breakfast that's willing to open for us." Hotch says. "They're usually closed this time of year, but thanks to a little persuasion from yours truly they agreed to take us in." Rossi raises an eyebrow while slipping his leather gloves on. Everyone quickly thanks him while rushing to the suv's.

                                                  ___________

Sitting near the cozy fireplace in the small bar area of the bed and breakfast was the perfect way to warm up. Enjoying your wine the inevitable conversation starts. "Ok, so when is date number two with Luke?" Emily sips on her wine glass, her brows perking up innocently. You roll your eyes and smile. "Well.. it already sorta happened?" You bite your bottom lip looking away from them. "I'm sorry, when? And why didn't you tell us?!" JJ tilts her head at you. "We decided to get lunch a few days ago. It was a little last minute. I got to meet his dog Roxy though! We met at the park and yeah, it was nice." You take a big gulp of wine knowing the subject wasn't going to change anytime soon.

Talking about Luke is confusing to say the least. He is someone you would be head over heels for, if you weren't already feeling that way. How do I just turn off my feelings for Spencer so soon... or at all for that matter? Ugh! It was only one night with Spencer... Get. Over. It. That night was the culmination of over a years worth of hidden feelings though. It wasn't something that was only to last as long as a match can hold a flame. You thought you knew Spencer, you thought it meant the same thing for him. How could it not?

"Oh come on! You've gotta give us more than that. Do you like him?" Emily pushes your arm, pulling out of your thoughts.

"Alright, alright fine. I mean so far he's great. He's a good dog dad, which says a lot about him. He's funny, he listens. I'm surprised by some of the stuff he manages to remember. Yeah, he's easy to talk to." You feel yourself beginning to smile, but you catch yourself. You begin to twirl your hair in your fingers feeling a little nervous from your emotions. The wine combined with your nerves is making you feel warmer by the second, you feel your cheeks heating up.

"Ok well, you can finally admit I picked a good one." JJ singsongs as she pours a little more wine into your glasses.

You shake your head in agreement, raising your glass at her before taking another big sip.

"And he's hot, let's not forget that." JJ says, raises her glass in return.

"And he's hot." Your eyes widen, and Emily raises an eyebrow noticing your facial expression.

"Oh! What does that face mean?" She leans closer as a curious smile grows across her face.

"Umm... he might've sent me a picture of him and Roxy after a hike they went on and... let me just show you." You pull your phone out searching for the photo. Biting your bottom you try to hide your giddy school girl smile. Finding the photo you hand your phone over to Emily.

"Wow! How many abs is that?" She studies the picture sharing the phone with JJ. JJ's face lights up as she tries to hide her intrigue.

"That would be at least 6." JJ clears her throat examining the photo before handing your phone back.

"Ok yeah, I think JJ wins as best wing woman." Emily chuckles.

"She does, and with that being said I need to go to bed. The wine is kicking in." You set your glass down and hop off your seat.

"I'm sure you'll be having some sweet dreams." Emily winks at you, and you all start to giggle before you make your way to the stairs.

You head up the creaky stairs, the alcohol making your legs feel heavy. Smiling to yourself as you think of your lunch date with Luke in the park. Maybe all I need to do is just give it time... Reaching your room you throw your now suffocating sweater off along with your itchy bra. Your tank top is already acting as a form of relief from the warmth of the alcohol. You're now regretting practically chugging it. Grabbing your toiletries you shuffle to the bathroom, eager to wash your face and go to bed. Opening the door you're surprised to see Spencer standing on the other side.

"OH!" You yelp in fear, swiftly slamming the door closed.

"Wait, is this a shared bathroom?" You ask, flustered through the door.

"Uh, it seems so." Spencer says, not sounding very enthused.

"Wow, they could have told us that to avoid any heart attacks." You say with your hand placed over your heart.

"I'm finishing up if you need to set your stuff down." Spencer replies, his voice slightly muffled.

Your heart shifts from a fearful thump to a now nervous thump. You haven't had any alone time with Spencer since that night in the elevator. Since he rejected you and left you in tears. Making sure to avoid eye contact you set your stuff down on the sink.

He's brushing his teeth, mouth full of toothpaste. He isn't looking at you at first but when he does decide to look up at you through the mirror he does a double take. Taking in the lack of clothing you're wearing his eyes hold an aggressive gaze on the faucet. She's going to be the death of me.

"I just need to brush my teeth too." You say shuffling through your bag, still avoiding eye contact.

Not having had a conversation with Spencer in weeks that wasn't solely work related created an awkwardness in the air that could be cut with a knife. Talking to him was somehow the last thing you were ready to do, but was still the only thing you wanted. Luckily shoving a toothbrush in your mouth saved you from any uncomfortable conversation. You shakily squeeze some toothpaste on your brush and begin swirling it around your mouth. You peek up at him in the mirror and he replies with a small eyebrow shrug. Feeling your mouth quickly filling with the frothy toothpaste, you brush for what felt like forever. At this point it feels like a contest of who can go the longest. The two of you exchanging awkward glimpses at one another waiting to see who will finish first. The quick consumption of alcohol earlier keeps your mind fuzzy from the small bit that dribbled onto your chest, attracting even more attention to your taunting tank top. Bending down to spit out the excess, you also don't seem to realize how open your tank top is hanging down.

Spencers face turns a deep shade of red watching you. The dribble slowly moving down your chest putting thoughts in his head he tries his hardest to stop. When you bend over and your tank top falls from your chest he nearly becomes undone. The situation becoming all the more agonizing for him. He finally spits his toothpaste out and tries to subtly run some water over his face.

Once you look in the mirror you finally notice the small mess on your chest. "Oh, whoops!" You let out a small laugh, blushing in embarrassment.

Spencer tries to pack his stuff up hurriedly. Doing everything he can to avoid anymore glances at you or your chest. His cheeks keep their rosy color as he fumbles with getting his toothbrush back in his bag.

"That seemed a little longer than the recommended time to brush, didn't it Doctor?" You ask trying to joke, but the word doctor slips out more flirtatiously than intended. You just want to have a pleasant ending to the rather embarrassing situation for yourself. His sudden change in demeanor is enough to make you stop wiping the toothpaste off your chest. Fuck I just made it worse.

"Please, don't call me that." He turns to face you.

"Oh I was just-" Before you can finish your sentence he cuts you off. Something he's gotten a little too good at.

"Acting like it doesn't turn you on just to say it." He nearly whispers as he lets out a small provoked laugh, shaking his head. Suddenly, his thumb meets your chin as he wipes away a tiny bit of toothpaste that went unnoticed. His eyes dart from yours to your lips. His fingers still holding your chin.

You feel dizzy from the sudden rush of blood to your face. You can't take your eyes off of his, almost out of fear. Any sudden movement would have consequences, so you stand there completely frozen in his hand. As you watch his gaze shift down your body and his brows furrow together his eyes seem to darken. A look of anger running across his face. The only thing you can hear is your heart pounding, anticipating each second. Then suddenly, without saying anything else he walks into his room and shuts the door. What the fuck?  Standing there in awe of what just happened your fingers brush over where he touched your chin. Did he really just do that? Your feet seem stuck in place so you're not sure how stepped over to his bedroom door. Should I open it? Yes. ...No. You bite your cheek, retracting your hand from the knob. What was that?! Fuck! Too many thoughts are racing through your head. Your hand grips the doorknob again out of impulse. Just as you decide to turn it you hear your phone ring in your room. Jumping back you stare at the door a bit longer. Frowning, you turn back into your room.

Spencers hand is gripping the doorknob so tight his knuckles turn white. He rests his head on the door, a long rigid breath huffing from his nose. Not only did the shared bathroom catch him off guard, the fact you're the one sharing it with him is almost too much to handle. The cherry on top being your flimsy tank top, teasing him unintentionally. Shaking his burning hand that was just caressing your chin, he sees the doorknob barely turn. He jumps back, heart beating out of his chest.  As quickly as he saw it move it stopped, and then he hears the sound of your closing door. Turning to face his room he runs his hands through his hair taking a deep sigh. He angrily fights with the buttons on his shirt, tearing it off with fervor. Knock on the door. She was about to come in. He stops walking to the door as he hears your muffled voice through the paper thin walls. The cadence of your voice revealing you're not talking to just a friend. She's talking to Luke. He pushes his bag off his bed out of frustration, FUCK!

                                                        __

"Yeah?" You stumble over the bed to answer your phone before it goes to voicemail. Not checking the caller id beforehand. Your head feels like it's splitting.

"He-Hey! I hope it's okay that I called you? I wasn't sure if you'd still be working." He sounds surprised that you answered, but taken aback by how you answered.

"Oh my god Luke. Yes, yeah of course! We finished for the night not too long ago. I just got to my room." You clear your throat trying to shift your full attention to your conversation.

"If you need to go I understand, I don't want to keep you up." He shyly laughs through the phone.

"No, it's okay. Sorry it's just been a long day." You sit on the bed staring at the bathroom door.

"It's okay, I get it. Hopefully you're staying warm?" Luke asks calmly.

"Trying to. It's freezing here, beautiful, but freezing. I'm sure Roxy would love playing in all this snow." You feel a smile spread across your face thinking of how excited she would be.  

"She definitely would. I think she misses you actually." He says hesitantly. You don't often hear him sound so nervous.

"Are you sure she misses me? Or just the treats I gave her." You chortle.

"Ah, well either way I'm sure she'd be happy to see you again." Luke says, clearly petting Roxy in the background. "She's not the only one who would like to see you again." He still sounds slightly nervous.

"Oh? I'm not sure when we'll be back yet."  You bite the inside of your cheek. You just don't have it in you to flirt back right now, you can feel the guilt creeping up inside you. Your fingers somehow find their way to where Spencers just were.

"Of course, yeah. No worries." He quickly replies. There's almost a sense of embarrassment in his tone.

His tone confuses you for a second until you realize the way your reply came across. What am I saying? I do want to see him again.

"I'll let you go so you can get some sleep." Luke says after a brief pause.

"That would be nice though! Seeing Roxy, that is. I'll let you know when we're headed back."  You let out a small laugh in hopes to let him know you didn't mean to shoot him down. "Of course. Well goodnight, dulces sueños." The confidence in his voice coming back.

You say goodbye and plop your head back on the pillow. What am I doing?

                                                         ___

Sitting on the edge of his bed he can't shake the sight of you in your tank top, the toothpaste trailing down your chest, your inability to take your eyes off of his. The way you eat up his mind makes him restless. His leg shaking over the edge of the bed, he bites away at his bottom lip. It's like the worlds way of torturing him, being able to hear you talk to someone who isn't him. He doesn't even bother distracting himself with a game of chess or a book to read. He hopes for once he can just force himself to sleep. Something he's never been good at, but right now he's desperate for an escape from you. Even though you are the only place he wants to be. Laying in bed he stares up at the ceiling, images of you still flashing through his mind. He flashes back to you standing in the snow. The snowflakes getting stuck on your eyelashes, the permanent flush on your cheeks from the cold air... the guilt in your eyes when you looked up at him. Shaking that thought away he sits up. Why did she stop turning the doorknob? Did she want to come in? No, because if she wanted to she would have. Knowing you're just on the other side of the door, knowing all he has to do is walk through that door to see you, to be able to touch you again, to feel your touch again. She doesn't want me anymore. She would have come in if she did. She has... Luke. She was probably just going to tell me to leave her alone. Turning the light off he turns over glaring at the window. The unavoidable tossing and turning keeping him up all night.

                                                         ___

Your alarm wakes you up and you groggily turn over in the warm bed. That was 2 maybe 3 hours of sleep? Checking your phone you see a good morning text from Luke. You send a quick good morning back and give yourself a few more minutes in the warmth of the bed you knew you'd lose to the cold air of the room. You hear the shower turn off in the bathroom and you sit up. Spencers words from last night flood your memory, causing a melancholic nervousness to fill your stomach. You scroll through your texts finding your messages with him. His last text reading as piercing as the temperature outside.

Reid: You should go on the date.

He couldn't even talk to me about it. He just dismissed me. You feel your eyes filling with tears, as you think back to how scared you were to go to his apartment that night. It was terrifying but finally happening, and it was so much better than all the times you had dreamed about. How do I miss him this much? Scared of your feelings, you wipe your eyes dry and make your way to the bathroom. You step into the steaming shower hoping to wash this sadness off of you. Letting the warm water reset yourself. You begin to hum a song you've been listening to on repeat, the lyrics seem to be as if you wrote them. Going through the motions of your morning routine you don't even remember the walk down from your room to the breakfast area.

Grabbing a plate and filling it with food you scan over the dining area you make sure to sit away from wherever Spencer is. Finding an empty seat by Rossi you gladly take it.

"The one great thing about staying in a bed and breakfast? The breakfast." Rossi says, setting down a cup of coffee in front of you. "I have to give this place a 5 star rating for their choice of italian sausage!" He continues as he takes a seat across from you.

"Wow, 5 stars? That's almost unheard of from you." You tease him while cutting up some to try.

"Well you know the only other place I can rate so highly is where you went on your date the other night." Rossi says in a teasing way, smiling as he takes a bite.

"Oh! Yeah the food was amazing." You really didn't want to talk about your date there with Rossi, especially after the morning you've had.

"How's everything going with that?" He takes a sip of his coffee watching you fidget in your seat.

"Everything is good. We've only gone on one other date but he's great." You shove some food into your mouth and smile. Looking back at your plate you begin to push your food around.

"But?" Rossi watches your fork play with your food.

"But what?" You look up at him with a confused frown, cheeks still full of food.

"But, something is bothering you. Hence you playing with your food." He nudges his eyes at your plate.

You look around the room to see if anyone else was listening. Everyone seems engaged in their own conversations so you let out a deep sigh. The frown stays put on your face.

"It's complicated but I opened up to someone... about my feelings for them. I thought they felt the same way considering what happened between us. Except now it seems like they want nothing to do with me." You divert your eyes over to Spencer for a moment, then back to Rossi. "The problem is that all of this happened before that first date with Luke. I'm just having a hard time sorting out my feelings. It's nothing really." A tight lipped smile forms on your face as you look down at your plate.

"I see. Well, maybe this person got scared of their own emotions? If this was something that happened suddenly that is. I can't imagine they wouldn't want to be with you, bella donna." Rossi winks, "Regardless you deserve someone who can be there for you. Does Luke seems like a good guy?" His eyebrow raises as sips more of his coffee.

"He's a good guy... but so is the other one. That's my problem." You give Rossi a half grin, making yourself eat a little bit more.

"Except one knows what he wants. Just remember that." He takes another bite of food.

You spin your eggs around on your fork as his words sink in.

Spencer searches through his phone growing more agitated by the second. He looks over at you talking to Rossi. What song was she humming earlier? He could hear you through the door right before he left and the soft melody won't leave his head.

"Damn pretty boy I've never seen you spend so much time on your phone. Are you okay?" Derek asks jokingly sipping his coffee.

"Have you heard of a song that goes hmm hmmm hmm hmm hmmm..." He hums the song the same as you did, just with much more discomfort. His big brown eyes scanning their faces hoping one has the answer.

"Uhhh, no? Is that what you're doing? Looking for that song?" JJ asks, giving Derek a look of confusion.

"I've had it stuck in my head all morning and don't know what it is. I only heard that small part of it." He continues searching through his phone.

"Maybe y/n would know? She loves music." Emily turns to call you over.

"It's fine! I'll figure it out." Spencer stops her, giving her a tight lipped smile.

"Ohhhkay... well good luck trying to figure it out." Emily pops her t and exchanges looks with JJ and Derek. They shrug it off and continue their conversation finishing up their breakfast.

"Let's head out in ten." Hotch announces before heading out in his typical serious manner.

"You better eat quickly, Reid. I'm not stopping for a chicken wrap when we're an hour on the road." Derek pushes Spencer's plate closer to him before getting up.

Climbing into the suv with Emily and Rossi, you take the passengers seat. It wasn't the shortest drive to the police station and you wanted to try and hold off on anymore conversations for the morning.

"Do you mind if I put some music on?" You plug your phone in before they could say no.

"Go for it." Emily says climbing into the backseat.

"Thanks." You put on the song you were humming earlier, needing to actually hear it aloud. Staring out the window, taking in the beautifully frosted trees you let your mind wonder along with the song. Emily perks up noticing the familiar tune from Spencer. She pulls her phone out.

Prentiss: Is this your song?

Spencer hears his phone ding and frantically pulls it out. Opening the text from Emily he reads over the picture she sent. North by Clairo.

"Can I use your headphones?" He turns to look at Derek driving.

"I guess, but just until we get to the station." Derek huffs pointing to his bag in the backseat.

He grabs the bag and searches for his headphones. Plugging them into his phone he opens up his music app and searches for the song. He presses play and closes his eyes. A frown growing over him as he listens closely to the lyrics, his chest feeling tighter as the song goes on. He tightly grips his phone waiting for the part you were humming.

All I'm tryna say Is I miss you in every way Fingertips on my back Things I know that I can't have

Never seen a face like yours I got it together but my breath feels short I don't wanna close the door Maybe I should just go up north

As the song ends his eyes open and he stares down at his phone. The lyrics nearly breaking him. Is this how she feels?  He presses the replay button and listens to the song on repeat for the rest of the ride.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale S5 Ep11 Thoughts *Spoilers*

thoughts under cut to keep tag from being cluttered :)

- Oh yeah I forgot that Chad was blackmailing Veronica about the dirty dealings in her company even though it’s not her at all (unless it’s just been so long and I’ve forgotten but she’s my baby and I feel like I would’ve remembered but-

- Hiram and this dumb prison is one of the worst things for this show it’s a constant plot of people escaping and it’s so annoying like sure Hiram owns it and he was in the jail but no one has, like, taken him back to jail…??? Hiram is a fucking disease smh

- “back to remote learning” why didn’t you just stay that way though… like even right now in covid schools are opening back up and kids are complaining because it’s still not safe so like… just… go back to it??? I’m so not built for this world fasdhfkahf

- Veronica and Smithers 🥺🥺💞💞

- the way Veronica hugs Archie is so cute bc she’s so tiny but like she always gives her all and Archie is just 😐 never giving anything ahjfsdfsh it’s quite sad you can tell how done KJ is with Varchie lol

- “I really hate that I’m dragging you through this.” … what about constantly pulling him into your mob boss father mess that the writers refuse to allow you to escape from?

- “until you and Chad are officially done, I think we should keep our distance.” Varchie bones!!! you just KNOW that Archie has been looking forward to this because that man is whole heartedly in love with Betty and has been since forever and that while Chad prolongs the divorce papers, Archie will not be waiting for Veronica considering he doesn’t want her. Varchie = bones we love to see it!

- now who tf would join Penelope Blossom’s ministry… no one, realistically.

- can Cheryl stop being given the craziest and usually most boring plots ever please...

- Not someone holding a gun to Tabitha literally don’t hurt Riverdale’s best girl weirdo

- these bitches really haven’t aged huh…. poor Veronica though being robbed but like they stole some watches or something and the opal like that’s all you take..?? okay-

- Fangs 💞💞💞💞💞 also rip to him having to work with his ex tho

- STOP HAVING ARCHIE GO TO HIRAM WE’RE TIRED

- You know considering the whole reason why Hiram is still here as the villain and ruining Veronica’s life/growth to keep her in his plots al because Mark is a big soap opera celeb and apparently brings in money, you’d assume they would give him GOOD shit instead of everything he’s gotten. If they hadn’t of hired Mark can you imagine how much better off the show would be if they didn’t have to keep him around bc of his status????? God why-

- Reggie’s always there for Veronica muah…. oh fuck me I guess fjasjkdf

- “I work for one Lodge and it’s not you.” lmao okay??? you acting like that’s a flex, and that you’re working for the better Lodge who literally left you to die after the Serpents thought you shot Fangs so-

- MARTY BEING WHY REGGIE IS WORKING FOR HIRAM…….. YOUR DAD IS ABUSIVE LET HIM HANDLE HIS OWN DEBT??? God both Veronica and Reggie are always fucked over when it comes to their parents huh

- don’t you just love when they make characters act ooc for a plot ahhhhhh it’s totally fun to watch and totally not frustratingly annoying

- “FOR OLD TIMES SAKE.” 💞💞💞 we love Veggie even though they made Veronica act ooc and hurt him back then and they weren’t given an actual chance.

- “don’t be such a Betty” now why is Betty so surprised she only ever had fun when she was with Archie, when she’s with Jughead all she did was do what she wanted and order him around so likeefjhakdfh

- “he shouldn’t really be my problem anymore.” BUGHEAD BONES YASSSSS

- I know it was just a sound they used but like that squish sound when Darla kicked Tom’s face… did she like smash his face in damn what is this The Walking Dead?

- see the problem with them randomly bringing characters/parents in when they need them is that they’re never around so like no one really cares… like they could have utilized the parents so much (and Skeet and Marisol never would have left) and it would have been so much better than random appearances that make them look incompetent and awful parents because they’re never there during all the other times their kids need them. but we have to see the two toxic parents that won’t go away constantly??? literally what the fuck

- Betty calling Jughead’s writing cringey wbk she’s never liked his writing she was just stroking his ego bc she was his gf and had to be supportive lmaoo

- why are these 60+ year old men beating up Jughead like for why???

- so they just forgot that Tom was checking in on the convict huh gotta love dumbing down characters for plot!

- Fangs with his switchblade muah

- jealous Tabitha muahhh over a password

- “wait THE BETTY?"

- Cheryl looks so good

- Find meaning in his death… girl didn’t you not care that your husband killed your son over the illegal maple stuff I forgot the plot but it was something illegal and dumb

- “drain the vein” …...

- Reggie helping muah

- Why is Archie acting like an ass? like sure he doesn’t know that Chad is abusive and toxic but c’mon fucker you cheated on her and never apologized and you don’t even wanna be with her in the first place so why are you acting like you’re personally hurt sit down

- God Archie really hates Veronica huh… I don’t even blame him considering the shit she’s brought him into time and time again.

- Jughead was kicked like maybe five times yet he was fine falling out of a two story window and the serpent imitation but now he needs antibiotics..? plot convenience!

- literally don’t remember anything about Doc tbh or him talking to Donna and Bret like—

- ever since Negan people are obsessed with bats with barbed wire.

- also! yes please kill Hiram <3 I know they end up saving him bc of the opal but c'mon

- they searched basically nothing for five seconds wow such great detective work you guys!

- we know you just want his manuscript Jessica

- Cheryl with her rainbow skirt how cute!

- “daddykins” girl you’re like 25

- Veronica acting like she cares about Hiram fjsadhkfhas these guys thinking that they’d kill Hiram even though they need him lol

- bad bitch Ronnie we love her even though she’s gonna have to save her father to save others and get her opal </3

- not Veronica calling Archie first and not Kevin considering Kevin’s dad is there…. this is the pandering va fan service bs we have bc it makes no sense and it’s so forced

- Fangs knowing Archie rides with tools in his truck mmhm that’s a little sus idk how but archiefangs agenda coming through!

- no one would actually believe that Jessica ashkjdfsj and they take this bait…??? you gotta be joking lmao

- Jug got to help doc this time 🥺😭

- …. tell me why when he said boyfriend I immediately thought of Reggie I hate myself for wishing fahsdjkfsafj

- okay as cheesy and corny and awful the fight scene is since they posted a clip of it, them working together is so refreshing and nice we love leader!Veronica bc she’s so good at it. but the show only cares for Betty which is funny since she’s an awful detective fbahsdjfj

- my god enough with Jason’s body!!!!!!!!! you burned his body please let him stay dead let his body rest

- okay but the back and forth from Betty and Jessica is so good like I wish we could get that kind of rivalry drama type stuff all the time. too bad they refuse to let Veronica act like a normal person and get angry at being cheated on and such :/ when will Veronica slap the fuck out of Betty

- he’s not a blameless victim but Betty take responsibility for how awful a person you are PLEASE

- THE VOICEMAILLLLLLL Jughead only speaks the truth! it’s weird that he only realized what we all knew about Betty after but whatever, finally he gets upset like damn. also jeronica crumb he’s the only one to ever include Veronica smh ALSO Cole acted the fuck outta this voice mail muah

- the way Betty just sits there uncaring… she really is a freak huh god when will someone punch her in the face and take her ego down a million notches she’s so annoying

- “that’s darkness.” …?? what?

- the way bh’s relationship parallels jughead’s with Jessica though. the unhealthy habits, the bad energy, etc. except Jessica left it and Betty didn’t and it turned Betty into whatever the fuck this is. I miss s1 Betty :/

- so when will they sue Jessica for drugging them? mmhm probably never

- poor Tabitha being the only one who cares about jughead tho

- oh no I forgot there was a random musical number…

- you’re gonna have Betty and Tabitha act like THAT and not put them together so rude

- when will Cheryl be free from her mom. is was like turned on by abuse or something sigh why do the toxic (and most boring!) parents get plots and screen time and everyone else doesn’t...

- Veronica would be able to do Moree than pepper spray but whatever only Betty is allowed be “badass"

- fangs being fangs ugh so sexy my babyyyyy

- Trevor Stines is so attractive it’s a shame they only bring him back for five seconds to traumatize Cheryl over and over again though </3

- wow varchie in a pop’s booth what season is this again??

- god it’s so upsetting how amazing varchie would have been as just friends…

- the way he smiled at Veronica was so contradicting to the blank, “please don’t” expression when she was telling him she was gonna get divorced as fast as possible. why can’t he just admit he doesn’t want to be with her!!!!!! my god they’ve put off barchie long enough just let them be together so their characters can finally act in character and stop being so awful and annoying

- “this cause” what cause you fucking weirdo

- not Hiram threatening the mayor he could literally be your downfall if we had good writers fjasdkjfasf

- jughead how would you have killed him with a small wooden basket

- I like doc so much but I know we’ll never see him again until we randomly need him seasons from noow

- Betty wasn’t hit by the drugs until after the message though… how would she not remember? it didn’t seem to be doing anything to Betty until the bunker

- hopefully since they’re friends now Tabitha can make Betty act like a decent human being <3

- the way Tabitha looked at Betty please stop doing this to me...

- maybe we can finish that dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jabitha rising bughead dying we love to see it!

wow that episode felt like it was two hours long but thankfully I finally finished it… don’t have many actual thoughts but anyways hope you enjoyed my live blog of my thoughts!

[idontblushsrry]

Do You Know That I Do Love You

Chapter 1: Do You Still Think Of Me Fondly?

Next>

Word Count:

Warnings: Some swearing, smut in later chapters

A/N: This is purely self indulgent at this point. I will get my black nobility/courtly romance fic and it just so happens to be with Han Ju-Do from Yona of the Dawn (great show if you ask me I think everyone should watch it and that it deserves more but, whateverrr) I don’t know how many chapters this is going to have, I thought 2 but maybe I’ll do 3 or 4 it all depends on what I feel like is gonna complete the story the best. Reader is black, she has a Korean last name to match with the rest of the show characters. Spoilers ahead for parts of Yona Of The Dawn anime/manga

A/N Pt.2: This is based off of the concept of courtly love  but w tweaks bcus I have like no ability to stick with angst permanently, like if asked nicely, I’ll do a happy ending (Also Reader and Ju-do are both single so). This fic is also based of this song if you want to get into the vibe.

You’d been told tales of the Crimson Dragon Castle just nothing could’ve compared to the majesty of seeing it in person. The gates opened and guards announced your arrival as your carriage pulled inside. You stared in awe at the sheer size of it while your attendants whispered something to each other that you didn’t quite pick up on.

“What was that?” 

You turned and your attendants immediately went silent, squirming and failing to meet your gaze each time you tried to capture them in it.

“Nothing milady just the talk of lowly servants that you shouldn’t concern yourself with.”

You could tell though from the guilt in her tone and the way the other attendant looked as though you’d have her thrown out if you heard what she said that you knew they were discussing the reason you’d even come to the palace. You were much too old to be an unmarried woman and the constant rumours of your status ranged in believability, the most outrageous being that you were a succubus and having a husband would get in the way of your appetites.

When you’d heard it, that made you cackle because you were the furthest thing from a succubus.

 It’s not like you felt ashamed of being a virgin, you were a grown woman after all, and it’s not as though you were the sole heir to your family’s name. You had plenty of siblings to carry on the family name. The issue lied in the fact that you were the oldest, your family tradition dictated that none shall marry before the oldest and as such you’d been on the receiving end of anger from your siblings, parents, potential suitors, and all in between. 

When your father first proposed the idea of marriage to you, many of your siblings were still too young to care or remember. You could feel the concern coming from both of your parents as they urged you to meet with suitors from other clans and families. And you could feel their growing rage as you rejected one after another. 

Now nearing two decades later, your siblings, the ones who were unconcerned with your marital status so long ago were now resentful of you. Many of them had approached you individually and together with their grievances, claiming you were holding the family back and restraining them from true love, all the things you’d heard before.

They’d brought those same complaints to father and he brought up the idea of a palace visit to you. No not in so few words nor with such direct intent but the message was there. He’d brought the idea up while you fed the fish in your private reserve.

‘I think that this place is too stifling of your abilities my dear. I’d like for you to go to the Crimson Dragon Palace in my stead, I’m getting rather old and the whole thing is nothing but a diplomatic affair anyways, I’m sure you can handle it.’ You were going to turn down his offer. Not consciously out of spite but because you knew what he wanted you to do. His words seemed like the ones of a trusting father but the undertone of ‘return with a fiancé or I’ll disown you’ rang clear as a bell through your head. You may have been stubborn but you weren’t a fool, your family had grown impatient with your antics and if this behavior continued, they’d send you packing without so much as a goodbye.

You’d contemplated that idea and thought up the pros and cons to being disowned. It wasn’t until you heard two maids whispering outside your room that night that you made your decision.

‘Poor Master Seong I heard that Lady (Y/N) is preventing him from meeting his heirs.’

‘Eh? What do you mean, how could she do that?’

‘She refuses to let any of her siblings get married and as the next clan head, any marriages from her siblings that occur before her own are forbidden.’

‘Wow! Really, then why won’t she just get married already?’

‘Who knows.’

By the following night you were in a carriage on your way to the castle. Coincidentally with the two maids that spoke ill of you that night. It seems that they still haven’t gained the ability to shut up even when it’s in their best interest.

The carriage pulled up to the guest exit and you didn’t have to wait long before the carriage was opened by one of the palace servants.

“Welcome Lady Seong”

You were rushed to yet another carriage that would take you to your quarters while your attendants followed someone else to the servants’ quarters. For the first time in the weeks it’d taken you to travel here, you could feel yourself begin to truly relax. The servant next to you was stiff with rigid and tense shoulders especially compared to your unladylike and unrefined composure. But, they were quiet. You weren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth and you didn’t particularly feel like talking to ease the tension in the carriage, so, you ignored it. Most of it was coming from the servant not knowing how to react to you anyways.

You closed your eyes to think of the last time you felt truly happy and all your defeated mind could conjure was an image of a chubby outstretched hand handing you a six-petaled flower.

“Milady? We’ve arrived at your quarters.”

You stepped out of the dark carriage into the courtyard of the place you’d be staying. Only to find that this courtyard was slightly nicer than you’d expected a standard nobles courtyard to be. There was an abundance of flowers, rocks lining the foliage. A bridge that spanned a small river that begun with a waterfall. Birds, a gazebo lined with jewels in the far corner, and the fragrant scent of jasmine flowers.

The servant, seemingly unfazed by the extravagance, urged you to follow her with a motion of her head. Her feet leading you through the courtyard with practiced expertise, you managed to keep up with her strides by clutching your dress up some and resisting the urge to gawk at every element passing you by. 

She brought you to a spacious room similarly sized as the room you slept in back home. The room was relatively bare save for a large bed pressed against the wall in the center of the room, a wardrobe, vanity and an incense holder among other things.

She turned to you and bowed before turning to leave. “Before you leave, what’s your name?”, she froze as though she wasn’t expecting you to actually speak to her. She turned back to you with a close eyed smile.

“My name? It’s Ha-Neul”

You’d received the first and arguably the most difficult of your diplomatic duties when within 3 days of your stay, you were being summoned by King Suwon. While the letter came as a shock to you, you nearly had a heart attack when you learned you’d be meeting in the King’s personal tea gardens. You’d take it as a compliment, however, you were 1) essentially all alone with no one to back you up should you fail to be adept at conversation and 2) you’d only met the new king as a boy and in passing, you were somewhat underprepared and knew nothing more of him than what you’d heard in passing.

‘No. Don’t think like that (Y/N)’, you looked at your reflection in the mirror, your braids hung down, the tight coils of your hair wrapped up inside of them as they hung down from your scalp to frame your face. ‘You are more than capable, if it weren’t for your intelligence, you wouldn’t have made it this far. You can do this.’ You took a look at your outfit. It was unfit to meet the king. But before you could begin working yourself up into another nervous tizzy, Ha-neul knocked on your door, her consistent rapping against it breaking you out of your anxious reverie.

Ha-Neul was truly a miracle worker. She’d managed to make your previously tense body appear completely calm and put together with a few twists of her wrists and some careful thought into what she’d have you wear to meet with the king.

By the time the carriage had stopped, the anxiety in your gut had settled to a deep thrum that would remind you of its presence at the very center of your being but wouldn’t seize control of your body. This mercy provided by your anxiety allowed you to put one foot in front of the other like you’d done since you were a child, albeit with a more conscious effort.

You’re led by a flurry of servants and guards to where Suwon was sitting so tranquilly in his tea gardens. It was amazing how much he’d grown since you’d last seen him but those same features he had as a child seemed to have aged with his spirit. You didn’t know why but you got this deep guttural feeling that he’d done something akin to a betrayal of himself. It showed oh so subtly in the way he drank his tea with an air of  practiced indifference that he tried to cover with a layer of oversaturated artificial happiness.

“Lady Seong, it’s good to see you. I hope your quarters are to your liking.”

Showtime.

You bowed respectfully to him before replying, “Yes, the room is lovely and even more so the courtyard. I’d love to speak with the person who designed it. How have you been your majesty?”

You’d hoped flattery would work with him, all your cues were being taken from him but it was near impossible to get a read on him. You kept your tone and demeanor light and cheery but eve still that was all he was giving you. It was like he was trying to gauge you at the same time.

Oh, you realized embarrassingly belatedly, this is a test.

The new king couldn’t afford any threats to his power and securing allyship while weeding out untrustworthy people was the most effective way for him to achieve that in lieu of starting a full-scale war. 

But Kouka didn’t need that. 

Since you were attending in your father’s stead, he’s likely assumed that you’re the new head of your clan, ‘If only he knew’.

Well, if it’s a test he wants then a test he’ll get. Two could play that game and you always were very good at mind games.

It feels as though it’s been about 30 minutes of you and King Suwon exchanging formalities, trying to see who’d crack. But finally, the tea and snack get delivered and you realize that for now, you’d reached a stalemate with the King. You could count it as a win but judging from the fact you still couldn’t tell what he was thinking, you mentally conceded to the standstill with him,  and from the sigh he let out it seems he’s resigned himself to the same fate.

“Let’s eat then shall we.” he says good-naturedly, like the careful tension of your previous exchange never happened, so you nod in agreement. Waiting for him to take the first bite and sip before following suit. You close your eyes and simply enjoy the gentle floral taste and aroma of the tea. You take a moment of respite in the tea and neglect your surroundings for a moment.

You hear big clunky footsteps hurry their way down the hallway you and Suwon are staying in before, “My King, I apologize for my lateness, and while inexcusable, I hope that you can forgive me.”

You recognize that voice, you move to open your eyes at the same time the man stands up and before King Suwon can get his answer out, you interrupt him with “Ju...do?”

He looks down at you with a sneer looking ready to give you a tongue- lashing for interrupting the King and calling him out of his station. Before a look of recognition flashes in his eyes and he looks away hurriedly, calling your name with a formal “Lady Seong, I didn’t know you were at the castle."

Ok, ouch. Few things hurt worse than the person you’d spent an embarrassing amount of time fawning over as a teenager (and young adult) dismissing you with such a dismissive and cold formality. 

You’d already fucked up by interrupting the King and you weren’t about to fuck up again by not responding to a General when directly addressed by one. “I didn’t know you were at the castle either, General.” If you were nothing more than a formality to him, then he’d be nothing more than a formality to you.

Yes you were aware of how petty and flimsy that logic was. He hadn’t seen you in years, of course he was going to be cordial with you. But the other part of you, the person who was heartbroken by the same man who stood in front of you right now, someone that you thought you buried long ago, hoped that calling him General hurt just as much as hearing him call you anything but (Y/N).

[docholligay]

LIVESTREAM WINNERS AND TOP POINT COMMENTS

THose of you who read the schedule already know this but the winners are:

HOLLIGAY INVOKES THE SPIRIT OF CLOSET GHOST 

and

WE COOK FOR DINNER IN THE APOCALYPSE

Please join me for both! It’ should be a terrifying, thrilling time. 

AND NOW, THOSE OF YOU WHO MADE ME FEEL THE WARMEST. Thank you to all who answered--I know this was super self indulgent and it means a lot to me that you took the time. So, literally 12 out of the 13 of you got at least one point (One person did not give any details, or even a quote) MAZEL. 

Point allocations are below!!

One point winners: 

4(?)ish years ago, you sent Jet a series of letters/cards/funeral lilies, from different Sailor Moon characters. The lilies were for Mako. One card was from Michiru, after Haruka's death. I have never been able to find them again, but I just loved the care you put into them--how they were all written specifically from the character, the fact that you even put tear stains and perfume on the cards. It was just so creative and touching, and it felt like the characters were real for an instant, mourning and living and giving you a peek at their lives. --- @kumeko (That was A Little Letter, and Mako’s was actually a separate thing for the same contest!) 

   “Before you get yourselves killed I want to go on record as saying this is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.” Rei stood with her hands on her hips at the front of the garage- from that short story about Mina and Haruka strapping an engine to a shopping cart. You can really feel how rei must feel, the resigned exasperation mixed with genuine, but hidden, concern for Mina and haruka’s safety. I think i have said the exactsame thing before people i know do stupid shit. --- BeefSalad33  (oh ma, an oldie but, I think, a goodie) 

OH MAN. I am always thinking nonstop about that piece where Minako confronts Seiya about bullying Haruka, specifically for the line where Mina spits out "you think she'll love you for this?" and UGH that LINE. it HAUNTS me, I want to BITE DOWN ON IT AND NEVER LET GO, I WANT TO PUT IT EVERYWHERE EVER BECAUSE IT HURTS SO GOOD, AND I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT SEIYA. --- @wouldntyoulichentoknow (I’m so glad that I’ve managed to make both you and jetty grit your teeth and care about Seiya at some point ahahah) 

"*But flowers grow from death and decay, don’t they? That has always been true, you know that, Mako. You are a rose of perfect beauty, grown in the rich fertilizer of your loss.*

She threw the stress ball across the room, knocking over the cup on the sink, spilling the ice down the drain."

The contrast between reminding herself of how life works, and then still being bitter about it, and knowing what she is and being frustrated about it. It's a lot, when sorting out various issues- i have trauma, and that makes me better at empathizing with people, i'm adaptable long-term, and that means i can put up with some bullshit, that kind of thing, but that doesn't mean those are wholly good things. It's nice to see it put into words, and so plainly, and with such a strong reaction of it.

Roses can still grow wild, as pretentious as that sounds with how your passage resonates to me, but it's still nice to feel that. ---- @katrani (I’m so glad it resonates with you! I liked that line a lot! ) 

2 point answers:

Christmas Carol, Stave 1 - “You are a terrible person,” she jutted out her chin, feigning strength. “Fareeha deserved much better than you. But,” she took a deep breath. “I still hope she forgives you, someday. Someday, I hope you will deserve it.” It feels like cheating to use the most recent thing you’ve written, but nonetheless this section conveys so much about your take on Mercy, so quickly. She may be an idealist, the peacekeeper and builder, and she may want Pharah to have a relationship with her mother that’s not this disaster, but that doesn’t stop her from acknowledging that Ana’s been the primary factor in making it what it is and telling Ana that directly. I love how you write Mercy (and Tracer for that matter) as very warm characters who try to see the best in their situations but won’t gloss over the fact that sometimes, someone does have to be shot in the fucking face. “Good” doesn’t mean “hopelessly naive”, even with a pacifist, and I appreciate that you have characters who show that. 

Bonus, and a fringe case as technically part of the Fushigi Yuigi hateblog: “She was still trying to get home, had been unable to get Tamahome to let her poison him, and then Nakago had hugged her into his chest until she had been forced to flatten him with a punch to the nads. She was tired, she was hungry, and she was trying to have a moonlight bath to consider her options and wash the stink of a man off of her.

And then, Tamahome, again.” - Haruka-gets-dumped-into-Fushigi-Yuugi-as-Yui was a delight that entire episode, but this post was one of the best. Is it really just narrativizing your frustrations with the many, many writing choices that were made here? Absolutely. But it’s a fun little bit of comedic pacing here, especially with the utter exhaustion of Haruka that this bullshit isn’t over yet. (“Fuck my life” to the moon wondering if Usagi could help and regretting how hard it would be to drown herself are close runners-up on that front.) --- Regalli 

(Mercy is, in many ways, my attempt to write someone who is MOSTLY a pacifist that I can respect. It’s not easy for me! I often find pacifism to be cowardice, because so often in life the people I know who are pacifists are, well, not the folks in the street. So i thought, could you write someone who is very hesitant to kill, who believes that even Doomfist, even Reaper, even whoever, deserve care if they are hurt, who believes that a sword will not leave her hand free to uplift the fallen, and make her brave? And make her strong? And so was born, Mercy, who proved that, yeah that person, at least in my mind, can exist.) 

I think one of my favorite passages from your writing is from "The Rest is Commentary". Particularly the part that starts with "I am a doer. " That entire paragraph is wonderfully written, with mix of beautifully descriptive language to describe *why* you don't trust words. It's slightly paradoxical, but it also fits with the rest of the essay (?) so well. And even beyond that,  I love reading when you write about your faith. You are deeply devout woman, and a personal aspiration to me. When you write about your faith, it reminds me that there is work that needs to be done to live it, and not easy work either. But it is very much worth every bead of sweat, and every drop of blood. --- @shavedjudomonkey 

(Thank you so much! I love that people have connected so much with my Jewish writing) 

3 point answers: 

From Requiem for the Great Consummation, I adore the word play with "compose." Ie, in the line, "Michiru folded her hands in her lap and composed herself." Why? I'm a musician. So, Michiru, with her music, holds a special place in my heart. (Why Ami gets the music attacks is beyond me. WTF?)  I don't think the writers ever really understood what it takes to be a musician, and while fanfic writers often include Michiru's music, I've never really seen it done well. (I'm sure it has been. I just haven't seen it.) Music is all about structure. It has to feel free and soaring, but it can only be that because of the intense amounts of tension and structure underneath. A kite without a string plummets. When I reach for high, soaring notes, that's when I have to be most conscious of having a solid base. Making music Is constant tension. So, often when I see writers portray musicians, it's all "she never felt so free and untethered as when she sang/played the,violin/piano/whatever." And I think, "wow, really? She must have been Crap." So, back to compose/compose. This wordplay shows that tension. The "I have rehearsed this 5,000 times and am still working so hard I'm sweating standing still in this freezing auditorium so that it can look and sound completely free and easy." This is Michiru's entire life. She is composing herself. She is outlining complex rhythms and tensions and resolutions that even though you hear when the piece is played, you don't fully take in or understand, and all you consciously comprehend is 'wow, pretty.' Because that's how music works. Organs have keys that can't be heard by the human ear, and composers include them in their pieces. Why? We can't hear them! But we feel them. If you look at the score for an orchestral piece, it contains So. Many. Notes. So much going on. But when you listen, all you hear is that melodic theme. But if you take out anything underneath, things change and cam fall apart. Michiru lives her life like that. She creates herself, composes herself, and it looks elegant and free and easy, but it is so so very tightly controlled and rehearsed, and that particular wordplay showed off that side of Michiru's music, which is one I don't get to see explored much. --- @incorrecttact 

(Thank you so much for this!! I am NOT a musician, but so much of Michiru and music speaks to me, the structure of it, the discipline, the way it allows you to express yourself while hiding behind something else. And yes! I think of that double meaning so much!)

I want you to know... that this was very, very difficult. I made a notepad and collected shit I'd pulled out from your work where I could find comments where I did such, and then I AGONIZED. Here is where I landed but know it's so close with other things god. 

"Winston worked in earnest at his inventions, and Emily went back to teaching, and the two of them began to cook for each other again. Family dinners once a week resumed, grew with some of the new recruits that were being folded into their family. Pharah and Mercy’s daughter took them to the zoo, the park, out into the world. Dva had continued the game they had all been playing before Tracer died, their party picking up after the terrible and well-done loss of their beloved rogue. ***Life did not return, but it grew forward. It bloomed again.***" — A Clock's Fading Chime

I ended up choosing this one because I hate it a little when I read it. Not because it's not good but because it's SO PAINFUL. I love so much about the way you talk about love, and I think grief is all a part of that. We grieve because we loved. The idea of the grief period, especially for those in a close circle of a lost person, being like the cycle of the seasons where a flower may die but life blossoms in the soil it left behind is so evocative and perfect and everything leading up to that last line is the soil for which that line got to bloom. The slow, simple way life returns to them, that they adjust to the heavy rock in their pack (A piece of yours I revisited for this and a metaphor I will always carry with me) and start growing stronger together. And that they find it WITH EACH OTHER too just god, it kills me. But would I rather wish it wasn't necessary? YUP. FOR SURE. It hurts to think about someone who plays Lena's role dying in our own lives and trying to mend the rift between those left behind. But it brings all those possibilities and who may have gone already before to mind because it feels so grounded in the reality of what these experiences are like and shit it's just a great sampling of everything I love about your work. Beautiful prose, saying so much with so little, grounded in stuff that feels read, and ending on a banger, transfixing line. ---- @thoughtfulfangirling 

(Thank you so much! I LOVED that whole series of fics around that, as it is in the way that I often like to toy with the nature of grief, and the way that we go on. Things aren’t ever the same, but we go on. And I’m so glad you gt into it too! It’s very self-indulgent for me, basically everything with OW, so I love when other poepl like it) 

4 point answers: 

Given that I am not Jewish, I hope this isn't overstepping my bounds, but your passover Seder speech really spoke to me this year. Specifically the bits about the relationship between cowardice and metaphorical bondage: 

"This is a celebration of our freedom from bondage, but it is a also a reminder, a call that we must ensure we do not, in cowardice, return ourselves to bondage. "

Without explaining too much, and risking the kind of parasocial oversharing that you lamented the other day in a post, this particular push and pull has been at the forefront of my mind this year. The intense gravity that the familiar, the easy, the safe, can have, versus the genuine terror of pressing out into the unknown in search of something better.

Trying to change, and to do better, and to press on, is fucking terrifying, and hard. But, that is not an excuse. And I appreciated the reminder.   --- @blastoise-m 

(Not overstepping at all! I am so glad that it speaks to you, I really, really love this kind of writing, and I really should get back to doing more of my Jewish writing. My rabbi is leaving, because we apparently don’t have the money to have a rabbi! And he’s readying people to be lay leaders, and called on me to be someone who could give Divrei Torah (sort of like our sermons) because of my tendency to do stuff like this, and it’s very scary! But really exciting as that’s the kind of stuff that had me interested in being a rabbi, is picking this stuff apart and applying it to our own lives HI YOU ASKED FOR NONE OF THIS SORRY) 

"There are no beautiful deaths in this world, and am sorry that you must know it. Rei never was allowed to say goodbye. I watched Haruka grow weaker and more ill every single day. We each have been jealous of the other, at turns, but I tell you this truth now: Our lives mean much more than our deaths. You and Seiya had a wonderful love story, and you raised a wonderful daughter, and unfortunately it is very often difficult to finish a story in a satisfying sort of way. It is not the end of your story, simply of hers. For you, it is a new chapter"

I think this is still one of my top 5 fav fics that you've ever written. I still think of it randomly once in a while. It's such a small moment but it sold me Usagi and Seiya in a way never would have expected. It's such a moment of growth for both Usagi and Muchiru. A small moment of connection for two people who are so different.

This is wrapped up in the entire MaS series, which I could never separate from this work let alone this quote. The entire series is a series about love and all its many permutations. About finding meaning in a world when you think your meaning has been taken away. About carrying on when you think there's no reason to do so. And I think this quote really encapsulates all of that. 

This story, this entire series, is one the favorite things I've ever read and I'm so glad that you decided to share it. --- @madegeeky

(I truly and in all ways love how much you love this fic, it cheers em and makes me so happy every time I am reminded of it. And thank you for loving that line! I FEEL that line. It’s been true for every death that has come to me, so I love when it has meaning for others. ) 

The 5 point answer:

"God separated the sky and the sea, and that’s true, but there will always be the horizon where they blend."

I'm not much of a quote person. I'll often remember the feeling or the takeaway but rarely the words themselves. This, though, has stuck with me.

There is so much in this world, and so many people, who see everything as absolutes. Black and white. Good or bad. Right or wrong. And as I've grown and changed, that has come to bother me more and more.

This quote is such an elegant and accessible way to express how that oh-so-common point of view is a fallacy. And really it's just a lovely line that invokes both lovely imagery and feeling. ---- @seolh

I FORGOT I WROTE THIS, and like the completely arrogant piece of shit I am, when I read it was I was like, “Oh fuck, that’s a solid line.” And yes I am with you on getting older and relizing that the horizon line can be so fuzzy out there, sometimes, and this quote WEIRDLY came back to me when I needed it, a lot, and so thank you! 

[mazzy-moon]

A Lone Butterfly - Chapter 4

Title of Chapter: Numb

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings/Tags: Grief/Mourning, Mentions of kidnapping, Angst and Feels, Age Difference

Pairing: Javier Peña (Narcos) x Isabel Cotrille (OFC)

Summary: After being in the hospital for a week, Isabel is looking forward to going home to see her mother. Before she can leave though, Javier must reveal something he's been keeping from her.

Notes: Follow my blog for more! I will try to post a new chapter every 1 to 2 days. Find me on ao3

A full week has passed since I was brought to the hospital and I've finally been told I can leave tonight. My body has not fully healed, but the doctor said I should be good to go as long as I take it easy. A bandage is wrapped across my entire mid section, due to the broken rib I suffered. My body is still riddled with purplish-yellow bruises and the cut across my neck is taking forever to heal, but I feel much better than I did a week ago.

I stand in front of the bathroom mirror and assess myself. Wow, I look terrible. My facial bones stick out more than normal and I have a fading black eye. The color that was once in my cheeks is now nonexistent. My hair looks decent since I washed it, so at least there's that. I sigh and head back out to my bed. Plopping myself down on it, I finish my breakfast.

Once the nausea wore off and I was able to hold down my food, I couldn't stop eating. I had never been so hungry in my life. Slowly, but surely I regained some of my strength. Physically, anyway. Inside I felt hollow. Maybe I was just bored. Staring at a white wall for seven days will do that.

I was questioned again a few more times, each time more frustrated with myself for not being able to remember anything new. They told me it wasn't my fault, that I was kept drugged most of the time spent at the cartel fort so I may not remember anything for a while. Or ever.

Javier has remained a constant presence since my rescue. A little guilt creeps up on me when I think on how obliging he's been. I've been so stuck in my gloom, that I've forgotten to thank him for for being here with me. He helped me get in and out of bed the first few days and helped me change out my bandages among other things. The nurses took his place when it came time for me to shower, which I was grateful for. I know Javier already saw most everything there is to see since I was barely clothed when he rescued me, but that doesn't mean I want him helping me shower.

It's strange the since of familiarity we've developed over the last few days. Before then, he was a fleeting presence in my life. I only saw him a handful of times. I spent the majority of my childhood in the states with my mother and my grandparents, except for the visits we took to see my father. I remember him bringing me to his office, to parties, and Javier would be there. I had to have been around eleven or twelve. As got a little older, I remember thinking in an innocent way how handsome Javier was. He was much younger than my father, and new in his career. I would get shy around him and my father would laugh at me.

Then there was the funeral.

Last year, my father participated in a raid on one of the largest cartels in the city. A shootout took place which ultimately claimed his life.

I flew in for the funeral by myself, my grandparents having already passed years prior. I had inherited their condo and had lived there by myself for the last two years.

I stood with my mother during the ceremony and as the burial took place. Many people came up to us and talked of what a great man Agent Cotrille was. Javier was the last to approach. He told of how my father taught him everything he knew about the job, had even saved his life on one occasion. At the end he made us promise him that we would let him know if we ever needed anything. We had already heard those words a dozen times, but something in Javier's eyes made me realize he really meant it.

As I eat the last bite of toast and finish off my orange juice, I hear a knock at the door.

"Come in," I raise my voice loud enough for them to hear.

It's Javier.

He's wearing jeans and light brown jacket. His hair is damp from the rain outside. I look up at him and our eyes meet as he closes the door.

"So...are you taking me to see my mom?"

He waits before finally speaking.

"Look. Isabel. I have to talk to you before we leave. I haven't been totally honest with you."

I'm annoyed. I just want to go home.

"What do you mean?"

"After we rescued you from the cartel, they... retaliated. You were very important to them. It was no accident that they chose an ex DEA member's daughter. They wanted to use you to send a message to us. That they wouldn't hesitate to go after each DEA member personally. We've also found out that they sought to use you as an in to the sex trafficking ring, though we stopped that before they were able to get very far with it."

I listen to his words and my stomach is sick. He continues.

"My point is...they had plans for you. Big plans. They weren't going to just let us get away with taking you."

"What did they do?" I demand.

He looks at me with a pained expression for a moment before masking it.

"They killed your mother."

He says it like he's ripping off a Band-Aid. My shock doesn't allow me to process it immediately. I sit there on the edge of the hospital bed, speechless. After everything that's happened to me, this hits me the hardest. My eyes glue themselves to the linoleum floor. I don't feel numb anymore. I feel...angry. And panicked. And scared.

He looks intently at me, sympathy radiating from his body.

"Isa. I'm sorry-" I stop him before he can go on.

"How?" I show no emotion in my voice.

Javier sighs deeply before beginning.

"They broke in, thinking you'd be there. When your mother wouldn't tell them where you were they... they shot her."

"When did you know?" I demand.

"Two days after you got here." Which meant he knew she was already dead when I asked him about seeing her. He lied to me.

"Why did you let me believe she was alive?" I almost yell the words. A tear escapes and falls down my bruised cheek.

"You had already gone through so much- I didn't want to overwhelm you."

I was furious. And I needed time by myself to process this.

"Get out."

"Isabel..."

"Get out!"

Javier looks at me one last time before turning the doorknob.

Once he's gone I turn my head into the pillow and sob until my cheeks are puffy. I cry for my mother, for myself, and for everything taken from me. Eventually, I cry myself to sleep and dream of my mother. In my dreams I go back and forth in my swing set as she waters the flowers in the little garden outside my childhood home. The sun shines down upon us and I watch as butterflies fly circles around her. She turns to look back at me.

"Mama!" I squeal in delight.

"Too high, Isa. Come help me with the garden!"

I watch as my child self runs up to her. I'm almost there. She holds out her arms to me but disappears just as I reach her. In her wake the sky turns bleak and even the flowers at my feet have all shriveled up and wilted away to nothing.

I stand there all alone. A lone butterfly.

[aroseandapen]

It’s been a year since the virtual killing game Kiibo and 15 others were forced to go through. Kiibo’s been wishing to see any of the people he’d considered his friends once again. He just never expected his first meeting in so long to be anything as terrifying as this.

Warnings: blood, implied violence

The bright screen burned into his visual receptors as Kiibo stared at his phone for the umpteenth time since he received it, lying in bed in the dark room. No recent calls, no messages, like always. He frowned, both fear and longing tearing him in two.

It’d been over a year since the end of the killing game, where his personality had been uploaded into the virtual world as an audience surrogate. He remembered the constant voices whispering, sometimes screaming at him. At the time he attributed it to a conscience as he’d heard people have, just literal due to his being a robot.

Now, with the silence in his brain so loud he felt like he was going insane in it, he still struggled to process the fact that it wasn’t the case. He wasn’t a robot, and there’d never been anything special about him. Not even his meaningless existence.

And yet,he’d made friends during the killing game. Genuine ones who liked him as he was--at least, he’d thought they were. He’d gotten their numbers from Team Danganronpa’s directory and saved them to his phone. He hadn’t gathered up the courage to message any of them yet, although he found himself staring at his contacts desperately hoping one of the others would break the ice.

He tossed his phone to the side and flipped over, hugging the pillow to his chest. Ridiculous, he should know better. It wasn’t like he was anyone special; he wouldn’t be surprised if none of his former classmates remembered or cared about him. He couldn’t blame them either. They all probably associated him with the people who watched and relished their suffering.

Someone hammered at his front door. He jumped.

“Who is it?” he called aloud, even though the visitor wouldn’t be able to hear him from the bedroom. But still, someone coming over at this time? Not even door to door salesmen would be out at this hour.

Hesitantly he rose, a twisted coil of apprehension hot in his gut. As he left his bedroom the knocks turned into hard open-palmed slaps against the wood. The person was frantic, desperate for Kiibo to open the door. The realization spurred him on faster; without another thought he yanked the front door open.

His mouth dropped open. “K-Kaede…? Wh--...?”

The girl’s purple eyes were wide, wild, and unseeing, her skin pale with a hint of grey in her pallor. Blood clotted in her blond hair, but it didn’t come from her head. Further down she clutched her abdomen, her clothes torn and a dark red stain spreading like wildfire.

“H..help.”

Before the word left her mouth, she collapsed. Kiibo’s mouth hung open in a silent scream and he leapt forward. Just barely, he caught her. The weight dragged them both down to the ground. It took everything he could to slow her descent.

“Kaede?! What happened? What--? God.” His hands were shaking, his head was spinning. A year since she’d seen her, only for her to show up bloodied and faint at his door. “Hold on, hang in there.”

He ran for his phone, calling for an ambulance as he rushed back to Kaede’s side. He rapidly blurted out the situation, stuttering through the words. The operator talked him through it, but he hardly heard anything as his body mechanically worked through the instructions they gave. He didn’t even hear the sirens approaching. Numbly he fell back when the paramedics arrived, and they took her. A year of waiting, and Kaede was in and out of his life like a bolt out of the blue.

Kiibo shook himself hard. He had to make sure she made it through this. Grabbing his keys, he didn’t bother changing and instead shoved his shoes on over his bare feet and forged onward for the hospital.

He arrived in a daze. It was only the moment he’d stopped in the waiting room that he realized he was shaking and he couldn’t stop. He had no idea what happened to Kaede or how she found him, but he never had to know if it meant that Kaede would survive. His heart beat rapidly in his chest, pounding against the inside of his ribs so hard he was afraid they’d crack from the force. He wiped the cold sweat from his forehead; his hair was damp with it and sticking to his skin.

The police came, too. They talked to him a little, but Kiibo had nothing to offer and they wouldn’t tell him anything. Mostly they went to talk to Kaede. At least he assumed they did; he still didn’t know whether Kaede was still alive, or if she was awake.

Finally, an ashen-faced doctor approached him. Kiibo’s heart plummeted into his stomach, certain that he’d learn that Kaede died in their care.

The doctor spoke; Kiibo’s ears started ringing.

Kaede lived. She lived and she was lucid, albeit out of it from painkillers.

Kiibo was allowed to see her.

Kiibo almost ran to the room, but as he approached the door he slowed to a stop. Now that he knew she would survive, his nervousness of meeting with one of his classmates again returned in full force. Would she even recognize him without a robot body? Did she even remember someone like him, whose only talent wasn’t even based on a real skill of his?

He swallowed. In the end, his need to confirm her safety with his own eyes overcame any lingering anxiety he had.

He opened the door and tentatively slid in. Kaede lay on the far bed by the window, looking out of it. When he came inside, though, her eyes turned towards him. Kiibo swallowed hard.

“H-hey.”

Kaede’s eyes clouded in confusion; she tilted her head. Kiibo’s heart panged hard. Oh god, she didn’t remember him, he was a fool for even thinking so.

“Kiibo…?” His name left her lips, and he stopped breathing entirely. “What are you doing here?”

She didn’t know? She remembered him, but didn’t know why he was there?

He cleared his throat. “You showed up at my house and collapsed. I thought…” He grimaced. “Are you ok? How are you feeling?”

Kaede stared, her lips in the shape of a little ‘o’. She blinked slowly, her movements sluggish as she leaned back in the bed to look up at the ceiling. “I don’t… remember much. I got… ex-fans of, you know, they cornered me at the convenience store. One of them…”

The memory evidently grew too much to bear. Her face twisted and she curled her shoulders inward defensively. She shook her head, indicating to Kiibo that he shouldn’t pursue that line any further. He was all too happy to oblige, too. She probably was forced to relive everything while talking to the police already.

“I just remember going to the nearest apartment I could. I had no idea it was yours.”

“Wow.” It was all Kiibo could say.

He thought it would hurt to find out that Kaede had only come to him by chance, that she hadn’t been thinking of him, but he could only marvel at the fate that apparently brought them together here. Moving further into the room, he took up the chair set next to her bed.

“I’m glad I could be there, either way. I’m glad you’re safe now,” he said, his chest filled with overwhelming relief.

Kaede smiled, even though it made her face look even more drained. “I’m glad, too. Thanks for being there, Keebs. I’ve missed you so much, I’ve just been… you know.” Regret sifted through her expression. “I haven’t seen anyone since we left the facility.”

So it wasn’t just him. For a brief moment, he felt shame for not reaching out first. Someone had to do it, and he bet everyone was just waiting for someone else to be the one. They all had their own burdens of guilt after all that had happened. The regret quickly flickered out, however, as the familiar nickname registered in his mind. His face warmed.

He took her hand--small and freezing--in his. He vowed to do better to reach out to Kaede (and everyone else) from then on.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

[callme--starchild]

the life and times of scrooge mcduck

Scrooge was panting heavily, the rocky feel of the damp cave in which he was cool under his spats as the shivering from its destruction nipped at his heels, pebbles and drops of water spraying his sweaty, dusty body like rain, feeling that only stoked the adventurer as the buzz in his hands, a product of the treasure he had found , reminded him of the new find that would conquer the headlines for a few days, maybe weeks if he managed to impress the press enough – which by the way, it wouldn't be difficult after dealing with it most of his life.

Behind him he could hear the footsteps and cheers of the scoundrels who were chasing him, a feigned Gaelic accent standing out among all of the intensity with which they shouted and the drama that they dragged in their words, spouting a string of rude words in Scottish and English that he would not dare to even repeat in his mind, even now that he will have a small and innocent sidekick under his wing very soon.

But he was forced to stop when the ground began to shake, some cracks forming on his feet. He literally didn't remember that when he first entered the cave, but he had to assume it was because he took the treasure. It wasn't the first time he'd faced a consequential breakdown, but where was the interest if there wasn't a little adrenaline rush? And Scrooge was not one to back down from adrenaline.

Smiling with self-satisfaction he thundered his neck, Glomgold's footsteps and voice increasing in volume only inciting the adventurer further. Fortunately, it was not the first time he had found himself in this type of scenario, and he smiled when he recognized the path insensitive to his weight.

Easy peasy. And Scrooge was being very modest at the moment.

"Stop right there, Scroogie!" He ordered, a temple and determination palpable on his voice in spite of the force applied to thick his accent. It hadn't been long before a monologue began about the recognition he would gain from presenting Scrooge's discovery as his own.

Saying your absurd schemes out loud, rookie mistake. He dared to think, huffing for a few seconds before beginning to calculate his steps.

It was not easy, the stone was incredibly sensitive to pressure, and the small stones falling from the ceiling caused him to lose concentration for a moment and almost made him step on cracked areas, not to mention that the precious gem of the treasure in his hands clinked and hummed, but Scrooge was no sharper than the sharpies for taking missteps, and he smiled readily at the challenge ahead.

"Explosives!" We must use explosives! That will bring down the cave, and lock up Scrooge and the treasure,” he exclaimed with a laugh that bounced off the walls, and Scrooge grinned sarcastically.

"And he did?"

Scrooge opened his eyes, feeling a small weight in his lap that released him from his reverie and made him look down. His little nephew had taken advantage of his self-absorption in the story to support his head, and while the Scotch duck used to be reluctant at any contact – which was expected of a man who has been the victim of multiple metaphorical stabs in the back, he had certainly become aware of how much the duckling enjoyed any opportunity to show him that he loved and trusts him.

Furthermore, it was impossible to deny something to those precious little sapphire eyes that were staring at him in utter amazement despite exhaustion, and how to blame him? His bedtime was approaching; and with the fevering duckling, he was prone to falling asleep faster.

And it was hideously adorable to feel at the mercy of a child who at the tender age of four was still sucking his thumb, but it was his favorite part of caring for his nephew as Hortense and Quackmore came out to answer when SHUSH called them.

Even if that didn't mean that he deprived himself of caring for his little sister.

"Of coorse he didnae!" He yelled, laughing at the questioning gaze of his nephew, "do ye think if Ah had Ah woold still be here?"

Jubilant, he poked the duckling's chubby stomach and took the opportunity to give small tickles, delighting in the little exhaled laugh. He took the moment to put his hand on the boy's forehead, removing the now warm cloth and using it to dry the water and sweat that was there.

"Wow, it seems the temperature is dropping," he commented, seeing out of the corner of his eye the satisfied smile that crept over the boy's face as he puffed out his chest.

It certainly seemed touching and reminded her to some extent of him.

"Of course, I'm Donald Duck. If Unca Scrooge can take on the world and win, maybe I can too."

And apparently, the boy took him for inspiration. It was smart and touching if he dared to think about it.

"Well, to be able to face the world, there first you must fight this little fever, and to do that you have to take your medicine," he said watching the clock, knowing in advance that the boy must do it before bedtime, so he took with gentleness the boy in his arms to sit him properly on his bed.

He knew that Hortense was very strict when it came to schedules, particularly those that involved her son's health, so he approached the bedside table with Donald's different medicines and the glass of water that Duckworth had diligently left before, ignoring his nephew's wince.

"But Unca Scrooge!" He rose suddenly, trying not to think about the sound of his voice hoarse against the sudden dizziness that left his trembling legs and blinked while hearing his uncle rebuke him for his carelessness, then looked at him with wonder "you still haven't finished telling the story, what happened in the cave?"

But turning his back on him, Scrooge snorted, smiling knowingly as he took the spoon that corresponded to the portion of the flu medicine the boy had to ingest. Of course, the little imp would find an excuse to distract him and make him forget to give the med. It was not the first time he had tried that ruse; but he was never victorious, even when Hortense had to keep him company and it was only Quackmore who had to answer the agency's call.

"Well, there Ah was, literally winning easily because Glomgold hadnae counted on a little unforeseen that got in the way of his…" He thought about the word for a few seconds because he couldn't really think of the other duck's trick as a scheme "absurd plan."

"And can you tell where you'll get explosives from in just a few minutes?" Commented one of his rival's occasional accomplices. He could easily deduce that it was a young lass, perhaps with more common sense than her employer's, and he clicked his tongue at the irony of the situation.

Unfortunately, he couldn't gloat over his impromptu victory. The cave kept collapsing, and the power with which the other businessduck used to speak did not lengthened the process at all.

The light emanating from the jewel in his hands became more powerful and lasting, making it difficult for Scrooge to see and concentrate, but those moments became fleeting when he had already dealt with the treasures for years, and he preferred to concentrate on the cave, recognizing that it would be the end in the first misstep.

But Glomgold and his lackeys were hot on his heels and knew he must think and act quickly. Fortunately, it was not the first time he had found himself in such a situation, and he smiled with fierce determination as he cracked his neck, ready for one more run.

However, the moment he took the first step, a small snore and a weight on his chest brought him out of his thoughts once again, and Scrooge looked down to see Donald snuggled against his torso, his small head resting on his chest. He was sleeping soundly, smiling warmly as his uncle's constant heartbeat lulled him, and Scrooge couldn't help a small laugh as his wing stroked the soft yellow hair feathers, slightly pale from the sickness.

Honestly, the duck did not know whether to be insulted by seeing his little nephew doze as he recounted his anecdote - despite his reluctance to approach him after making him take his medicine and his exhaustion turned more evident, or marvel at how fragile and defenseless the duckling wore as he clung to his coat, dressed in his favorite sailor pajamas.

It was hard to believe he was the same little boy who inherited his temperament as much as Quackmore and Hortense's .

But looking at it on the bright side, she could feel Donald's not-so-feverish forehead, though he wouldn't deny that the lad still needed to be checked occasionally.

He took the boy carefully, delighting in watching him snuggle into his arms as he used to when he was just a few months old. It was incredible to Scrooge how his interest in keeping the imp happy and protected outweighed his interest in gold, a fact previously considered impossible by the billionaire.

But this life was much more precious and valuable than the treasures that were locked up in his garage. He recognized it by appreciating his bright blue eyes staring at him in amazement, or the way his chest rose and fell in rhythm with each sleeping breath.

A warm smile came over his face and, after making sure they were alone - which was not difficult since he didn't hear any footsteps from Duckworth, he planted a small kiss on Donald's forehead. Maybe it was not strange for the butler to witness his expressions of affection toward the child, even Scrooge had seen him depositing small kisses on the duckling's head and accepting his invitations to the various games that his childish imagination proposed, but Scrooge was more comfortable sharing the moments he could alone with the boy and allowing himself to let his guard down with him.

What the Scotsman did not notice, however, was Donald slightly opening one of his eyes, smiling sleepily as he felt his uncle's pampering before snuggling further into his uncle's arms. His interest in knowing how the story ended was there, but his exhaustion was greater. No wonder the ducky fall as soon surrendered his bedtime arrives or that it was sooner when the duck felt sick, Scrooge recognized it; and he knew that as soon as he had enough energy the boy would demand to know the conclusion of the adventure.

Though Scrooge's favorite part was the way the story ended, he thought as he turned off the light and left the night light on before going to the single bed, the duckling sleeping peacefully on his uncle's abdomen.

Arriving at the mansion with a satisfied smile, the duck looked at the golden totem. As soon as he was returning to the mansion, the brilliant sapphire had stopped tinkling and blinding him, allowing him to appreciate the beauty of the treasure now in his possession. Fortunately, his study of it had not detected any referring curses.

He felt triumphant, which, frankly, was not new to the traveler. Taking leaps and bounds towards the main steps of the mansion, the Welsh Duck recognized the ringing of the house phone, and knew that it would not be long until Duckworth answered, to which he chose to take that shower of money that the adventurer so much needed in these moments.

Moments later, the butler would be knocking on his door. "Sir, Mrs. Duck is interested in speaking with you."

"It seems to be important," he added before his employer could speak. For while Scrooge and Hortense rarely spoke - unless the agency was involved, there was something about the butler's tone of voice that puzzled the Scot.

His suspicions took another turn when it was he who answered the call.

"Scrooge!" The aforementioned pushed the phone away from his ear when his younger sister's voice exclaimed from the rooftops, her accent becoming more pronounced than usual. She sounded happy, and that gave him a little insight into the reasons for his call: "the egg is hatching!"

Thus begins another chapter in the history of Scrooge McDuck.

[silvormoon]

Soulmates

For Soulshipping week, here’s one for the prompt “Soulmates”. Past Life Juudai and Yubel go on a little adventure, and Juudai gets his fortune told.

The two children pressed themselves against the wall and tried to stifle their giggles as they waited. The sound of laughter and cheerful talk drew closer, and then five of the castle maids strolled past in a cluster, all of them chatting happily. One of them, at the fringes of the group, happened to glance to her side and noticed two people hiding in the shadows. She gave them a smile and a knowing wink before hurrying to catch up with her friends. Juudai grinned.

“Come on, let’s go,” he told his companion in a whisper, and the two of them scuttled down the hall in the opposite direction.

“We’re going to get in so much trouble for this,” Yubel whispered, but they were still smiling as they said it.

“I know,” Juudai whispered back, “but we’re doing it anyway, right?”

Yubel nodded.

Actually, what would probably happen would be that they would be scolded and obliged to do extra chores and lessons tomorrow, but Juudai didn’t mind. He had done so before and would doubtless do so again. Privately, he thought his parents approved, although custom dictated that they never actually say so. They probably would have worried more if Juudai had been the sort of boy who took orders meekly and did everything he was told. Someday he would be ruler of his kingdom, and would have to think for himself and know which advice was worth taking and which should be disregarded. Right now, he knew which rules were fairly arbitrary and therefore breakable, like, “You must be in bed by nine” or “you must not play stickball with the serving boys,” and which rules would have serious repercussions if he disobeyed. He would break the former on occasion, but never the latter.

Today, the rule was, “You should not skip classes to sneak into town” and Juudai and Yubel were intent on breaking it. They had arranged for Juudai’s history professor, who was also the castle librarian, to be called away by a small problem among the stacks. While he’d been away, Juudai had slipped out of the room and went on the run. Now he and his partner in crime were on their way to the kitchen, where they knew they could sneak out through the back door through the herb garden.

When they arrived, the castle cook gave them an amused, indulgent look, much the same way the maid had.

“You two scamps again?” she said. “You should be at your lessons, your highness, and you, Yubel, should be at your training.”

“I know,” said Juudai, “but the maids said there’s a caravan in town today selling stuff from the Saffron Empire, and I really want to see. There’s supposed to be dancers and jugglers and stuff and... and everything!”

“Well, I’d like to see them too, but I have my work to get on with the same as you,” she said sternly. Then her face relaxed into a smile. “Oh, well. You’ll be a grown man soon enough, and there won’t be so many chances for you to go out and enjoy yourself.” She turned back to whatever she’d been stirring and said, “Not my job to keep tabs on you two. If your teachers can’t keep tabs on you, that’s their problem.”

Juudai grinned. He caught Yubel’s hand and the two of them darted through the busy kitchen together. Along the way, they each acquired an almond bun, courtesy of one of the junior cooks. Munching happily, they made their way through the fragrant herb garden.

“I guess she’s right that we’re going to have to stop doing this someday,” said Yubel. “I mean, you’re fifteen already. In three more years you’ll be a man. You won’t be taking any more classed then so we won’t be able to skip them.” Juudai shrugged. Three years sounded like a long time to him.

“It’ll be okay,” he said. “Once I’m grown up they won’t be watching me so closely all the time. I’ll still be able to get out and do stuff, at least until they decide to make me king. That’s when I’ll really have to start behaving myself.” He made a face. He hoped his father would stay hale and hearty for a long time. Being a prince was fine by Juudai, but being a king seemed like a lot more work. The idea still seemed to be troubling Yubel.

“I’ll be grown up soon, too, though,” they said. “I’ll have to start doing a lot more work around the castle, then.”

“You’ll work for me, though,” said Juudai encouragingly. “Where I go, you go.”

“Are you sure?” Yubel asked. “You’ll be able to choose anyone you want - all the best people in the kingdom are going to want to work for you.”

“I’ll always choose you,” Juudai promised. “Don’t worry - you and I are always going to be together!”

Yubel smiled. “I sure hope so.”

“No doubt about it,” Juudai promised. “Now, come on. We don’t have all day, and I want to see those jugglers!”

They darted out the delivery gate. A guard there made a half-hearted effort to call them back, but Juudai just stuck out his tongue and kept running. They continued their wild dash for a few blocks, less because they were worried about being chased and more because the buildings closest to the palace were mostly stately homes of nobles and rich merchants, and did not offer a lot to interest a couple of active teenagers. They didn’t slow down until they passed the next gate, which led into the business district. Juudai raised the hood of his cloak. Most of his subjects were friendly, good-hearted people, but his parents had drilled into him how important it was not to flaunt his status as prince in public. All it would take was one bad apple attacking him and the fate of the entire kingdom would change. Yubel would defend him to the death, of course, but...

I don’t want that to happen. I want Yubel and me both to stay safe!

The regular marketplace activities were going on. Juudai had intended to walk straight through to the main attraction, but he couldn’t exist stopping to look at a few of his favorite shops along the way. They charted a zigzag course, stopping here to look in at the gadgets on display in an artificer’s shop, pausing there to admire the rainbow of colored cloth at the drapers, lingering outside a bakery to breathe in the smell of fresh bread. They paused outside the flower shop, not because Juudai had any interest in flowers, but because Yubel loved them. They were so taken by a white bloom with purple flecks on its petals that Juudai bought it for them. Yubel tucked it proudly behind their ear and preened while Juudai made a show of admiring the effect.

But in the end, the two of them couldn’t resist hurrying to the main market square where the real action was. The Saffron Empire was a long way from Juudai’s kingdom, and traders from that realm only arrived here once or twice a year. It was always a big event when they arrived, with their exotic spices, their distinctly patterned cloth, and their tales of faraway places. There was always a lot of competition to get hold of whatever they brought with them, and Juudai hoped that he and Yubel weren’t too late to get any of the good stuff. Juudai had saved some of his allowance for just such an occasion, and he was hoping to find something that would make it worth giving up all the all the other fun things he could have bought with it.

“Wow, look at all this,” he said, as he took in the caravan wagons with their bright bunting. He knew that while on the road they purposely made themselves look drab to avoid attracting bandits, but they made up for it when they reached town by covering themselves with flags, banners, ribbons, and shining brass bells that set up a constant tinkling in the breeze. Juudai turned this way and that, trying to take in every flash of color. “Where should we go first?”

“I think they’re selling knives over there,” said Yubel.”And that one has jewelry, look! The colors on those enameled bracelets are so bright! I wonder how they do it?”

Yubel ended up buying a small wrist cuff worked with a design of red flowers and gold bees against a backdrop of twining vines. Juudai admired a selection of knives and other hardware, finally settling on a belt buckle in the shape of a dragon. Then they wandered around a bit, looking at this and that, occasionally chatting with a merchant but mostly just moving on. They bought some sort of grilled cakes filled with unfamiliar flavors and nibbled them while they watched a pair of tumblers put on a show. They picked up a few more little trinkets - a bowl painted with leaping hares that Juudai took a shine to, a flute made of wood and animal horn that enticed Yubel, a silk shawl Juudai thought would make a good gift for his mother - and then wondered what else they might find to do. The day was getting on, and soon they would be expected back in the palace for dinner.

“Just one more stall,” Juudai decided. “Where should we go?”

“Um...” Yubel looked uncertain. They turned around, trying to find somewhere they hadn’t been yet.

“You haven’t been to my booth yet,” said a pleasant voice.

Juudai turned to see that a woman dressed from head to toe in blue was watching him with a bright and knowing gaze. Her face was partially hidden by a veil that made her eyes stand out even more in comparison.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“I am this caravan’s... your language hasn’t got a word for it. ‘Seer’ might do. I am the Lady Who Looks in the Water, and I can tell you your future if you like.”

Juudai frowned, puzzled. “What do you look in the water for?”

“Because water goes everywhere. It is part of all of us. It is full of life. If you know how to look at it the right way, you can see many things in it,” she said. “Come. Two copper coins, and I will tell you things worth knowing.”

Juudai and Yubel gave each other a look that said, “Here’s something worth doing!” There were a lot of magicians in Juudai’s kingdom, but none quite like this. It was an adventure, and Juudai was always up for an adventure.

“Sure,” he said.

“Right this way, then.”

The lady led him inside one of the wagons, and he and Yubel followed eagerly. It was a tight fit, so Yubel volunteered to wait outside until Juudai had finished having his fortune told. That was probably the right choice. A table had been set up near the door, with just enough space for a little stool where Juudai could sit down, and a second, more comfortable seat for the lady herself. Behind her hung a blue curtain, but through the gaps Juudai thought he could see a little bunk and a hint of some shelving, which must have been part of her living space. The table itself contained only a pale blue bowl filled nearly to the brim with water.

“Now, your payment,” she said.

Juudai handed over his coins, and she made them vanish with professional speed.

“So. We shall see what we can see,” she said. “Is there anything you would like to know? Your future career? How to obtain a fortune? Or perhaps the name of your soulmate?” She gave him a wink.

“Can you really find all that?” Juudai asked.

“Sometimes, yes,” she said. “Often the water does what it likes. But I guarantee you will see something, and whatever you see, it will be the truth.”

“Okay,” said Juudai. “Show me.”

“Give me your hand, then.”

He did as he was told. The lady took his hand and guided him to touch the surface of the water with a fingertip. It rippled... and went on rippling, much longer than normal physics dictated that it should. Curious, Juudai leaned forward, trying to get a better view of this phenomenon.

He nearly jerked back again in surprise. Somehow, though, he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off what he was seeing. There were images in the bowl, vague, as though they were only reflections, but still comprehensible. He saw an island, bright and sunny, with a volcano smoking at the center of it. People in strange clothes were there, busily taking notes while a man who looked a great deal like Juudai’s own history professor lectured to them all. Then the image shifted, and Juudai saw a figure in dark armor standing before a legion of monsters. Another shift, and now Juudai could see something that was both like and unlike his own face: older, the lines of it sharpened by time and experience, and his eyes weren’t the friendly brown of Juudai’s old, but rather, shining a mismatched orange and teal...

...and then there was Yubel’s face.

“Juudai? What are you looking at in there?”

Juudai looked up to see his friend leaning over his shoulder, trying to peer into the water.

“My future, I think,” he said. “Not that it made a lot of sense.”

“The future often doesn’t, until you see it,” said the lady. She turned to Yubel. “And would you like to try as well?”

Yubel shook their head. “I’d rather go home. I don’t mind getting a scolding from Doctor Chronos, but I don’t want a lecture from the king if I’m not there to wait at table.”

“Oh, darn, you’re right,” said Juudai. “They’ll skin me alive if I’m late to dinner tonight. Thanks, Water Lady, but I have to go!”

He waved goodbye before darting out of the wagon and back into the street. He and Yubel began jogging towards the castle.

“So,” said Yubel slyly, “did you see your soulmate?”

“Don’t think so,” said Juudai. “That’s okay, though. I don’t need a fortune teller to tell me what I already know.”

“What’s that?” Yubel asked.

“That you and I are going to be together forever,” said Juudai.

“As long as we live,” Yubel agreed.

Juudai nodded. That was about all anyone could hope for. Still, he thought, remembering what he’d seen in the bowl, maybe there was life after this one. Some of the court wizards said there was, and Juudai didn’t know enough to disagree with them.

If I have another life, I’m sure Yubel will be there too. They’ll follow me anywhere.

And with that reassuring thought in mind, he hurried home to dinner.

[honeyxmonkey]

First Flight

Part 1 of the What It Feels Like To Soar AU

There was a strong rush of wind that stirred up the leaves that had made a home on the platform as Hugo landed. His large wings dipped low to the polished marble as he folded them tightly against his back.

He heard Nuru spluttering, swiping the leaves away from her face.

He smirked at his friend. "Stay clear of the landing zone, Starmap."

"You're the only one who makes that big of a gust when you land." She crossed her arms, her wings buffing up ever so slightly in the way they did when she was annoyed. "You and your stupidly big wings."

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Hugo raised an eyebrow at her. "Princess?"

Nuru rolled her eyes and took a running dive off the landing platform before her wings snapped open, catching the updraft that lifted her into the air with ease as she spun around and did loops, clearly showing off.

“Show off!” Hugo yelled, the wind carrying his voice. As much as Nuru complained about his wings, there was always one area of flight she’d have him beat in. Seeing as how her wings were smaller and better fit for speed and agility, he couldn’t do all those fancy tricks she could. His wings were much too big and bulky for that. He didn’t really complain with how big his were, when he could carry himself longer in flight. (And other people too, namely Varian.)

He smiled at the thought of his boyfriend and remembered why he’d stopped at the castle in the first place after making sure Yong got home safely. It had been only two weeks since they’d completed the trials and Varian had instantly busied himself with perfecting the wing brace he and Hugo had created to help him fly.

Hugo walked down the stairs and into the castle, the feathery tips of his wings dragging on the ground. He kept them folded tightly to allow the servants in the corridors to pass him with more ease than they would have otherwise.

He made his way down the hall towards Varian’s lab where he knew the younger was still working. He pushed the door open, only now allowing himself to stretch his wings out once to their full span in the wide lab before folding them again, this time alot more loosely.

Hugo watched Varian’s back as he worked, noticing with a twinge of empathy how his one limp wing was being held against his back with a cloth. Normally Varian would allow it to hang completely limp across his back. Hugo guessed Varian had gotten tired of the feeling of dead weight.

“Hey there Sweetcheeks.” Hugo kept his voice steady despite the odd sadness he was feeling. “Did you figure it out?”

Varian smiled at the sound of Hugo’s voice and turned around, the bronze attachment piece of the brace in his hand. “Actually I did!” He had that goofy smile on his face that Hugo loved. “I finally figured out how to get it to move in sync with my left wing.”

Hugo smiled too. “That’s amazing. Show me how it works?”

Varian nodded and turned back towards the table, reassembling the pieces of the brace. He spread it out on the table and Hugo leaned in to get a better look.

“So, these larger rods will go all the way down and across the rim of the dead wing and keep it held up.” He ran his finger along the two-inch thick metal rods that slowly became thinner at the ends. His hand moved back up where the brace would fit over where his wings connected to his back. “And this smaller rod will be attached to the good wing. It’ll basically act as a puppet string, guiding the dead wing to mirror it’s movements.” Varian smiled widely at the blond. “I got the idea watching you tinker with Cheese.”

Hugo smiled wider, grateful he could help his boyfriend. “Does it work?”

“Well… I haven’t actually tested it for flight yet.”

“I wouldn’t want you to without me there.”

Varian smiled softly, the fact that Hugo insisted on being there to catch him in case he fell reminded the young alchemist of just how much he loved the blond. “And I don’t think it’ll be good for much besides gliding or soaring.”

Hugo put a hand on his lower back. “Are you scared?”

“Terrified.” Varian said cheerfully. “Now let’s get this show on the road.”

Hugo helped Varian with the brace, his hands gentle as always as they guided the dead wing into place, the metal rods fitting exactly where they should.

Varian flexed his left wing, his face twisted ever so slightly in pain as the dead wing moved in sync.

“Does it hurt?”

“Not much.” Varian folded his good wing, the right following, perfectly mirroring the left. The brace worked like a charm. “I just haven’t moved it like that in so long.”

Hugo gazed at his boyfriend in concern. “Stretch it again.”

Varian did, the whirring and clicking of the tiny gears music to both alchemist’s ears.

“All the way.” Hugo said gently, helping the wing out a little more. “Perfect.”

Varian looked to be in less pain. “Wow.” He breathed out, seemingly in awe. “I haven’t… I haven’t been able to move it in fifteen years.”

Hugo smiled at him. “Fifteen years is a long time Goggles. Are you sure you want to fly today?”

Varian flexed his wings again and nodded. “I’m sure.”

_____

They stood on the edge of the platform, a strong updraft provided them with the perfect day to test fly. Alot of kids were here for their first flight too.

“Okay guys, now remember, catch the draft with your wings spread out fully and it’ll carry you up.” Rapunzel said cheerfully as both parents and children gathered on the edge. She turned to see Hugo and Varian. “Hey guys! Come to watch the First Flight?”

“Uh… actually no.” Varian was still smiling. “We’re testing the brace.”

Rapunzel’s face lit up. “You’re gonna fly?”

“I hope so.” Varian peeked over the edge again. “And… that’s a long way down.”

Hugo held his hand. “If you fall I’ll catch you.”

Varian smiled at him, love filled in his eyes. “I know you will. You always do.”

Hugo squeezed his hand and smiled. “You’ve got this.”

Varian nodded, taking a deep breath before turning back to the open sky. “I’m ready.” He whispered to the wind before letting go of Hugo’s hand and he stepped off the ledge.

Immediately, as he fell he opened his wings to their full span, letting the wind carry him higher. He soared over the treetops, laughing with joy. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like to fly.

He heard the soft flapping of a large pair of wings behind him and then Hugo’s face appeared below him. The blond was catching the wind currents on his back. It was something Varian had seen him do a million times before but this was different. Because this time he wasn’t a viewer from the ground.

He felt Hugo’s hands lightly being placed on his hips as they flew together.

“Looks like the brace works!” Hugo laughed over the rush of wind and Varian laughed too because for the first time in fifteen years, he was really and truly free.

“Yeah, it does!” Varian grinned at his boyfriend. “I love you!”

Hugo laughed again, bringing their horizontal bodies a little closer. “I love you too, Varian.”

And then without thinking Varian kissed him and suddenly he felt them going up, their wings catching a strong updraft that sent them high into the clouds. The constant and steady wind stayed under them, their wings outstretched to the max and turned down to keep them aloft and hovering in place.

Varian felt giddy, drunk on this new feeling of freedom. The feeling of Hugo’s lips against his in the middle of his adrenaline rush was enough to drive him mad. It was definitely enough to ignore the dull throbbing he felt in his right wing from the extended use.

Their lips stayed slotted together in a sweet but deep kiss as they spun slowly, and lazily, practically dancing on the wind.

The wind ruffled through Varian’ hair and he slowly grew more and more addicted to the feeling of flight.

Hugo broke the kiss and instinctively rested his forehead against Varian’s. “Someone’s happy.” He laughed lightly and Varian could tell he was happy too.

“First time in the air since I was four. Did you expect something different?” His tone was teasing and Hugo hummed with joy.

“No, I didn’t. I’m happy you’re happy, Hairstripe.” Hugo smiled and shifted his wings so they spun a little faster. “And I’m happy I get to share this moment with you.”

Varian looked around and saw for the first time how gorgeous the sky was. The sun was setting, lighting the clouds with red and gold flames that were slowly making way to the purple of twilight.

“Well this is pretty romantic, don’t you think?” Hugo grinned at him, the golden light glinting off his glasses in a mesmerizing way. Varian really wanted to kiss him again.

“Yeah, it is.” Varian smiled softly, slowly leaning in again. Their lips brushed together and Hugo took the invitation to kiss him. Varian moaned ever so softly, feeling Hugo’s hands snaking tighter around his waist. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, lips locked and moving together, but eventually Varian felt his unexercised wings beginning to tire quickly. Hugo must have noticed the change too because he broke the kiss and started to lead them off the draft and they floated towards the ground, landing gently just outside the forest.

Varian flexed his now sore wings but still smiled. “Thank you.”

Hugo took his hand and they started walking back to the castle, which wasn’t that far.

“What for?”

“For being there for me.”

Hugo smiled. “Of course. Anything for you, Varian.”

______

Only thirty minutes later they were back at the castle and Hugo was helping Varian out of the brace. He didn’t miss the hiss of pain Varian let out at the movement.

“Are you okay?”

Varian nodded and set the brace on the table. “I’m fine, just a little sore is all.”

Hugo took his hand, leading him out of the lab. “I think I can help with that.” He gave him a sly, mischievous smile as he led Varian to his room.

Varian let himself be led to the bed where he was sat down and Hugo immediately started to run his hands over his left wing, helping to soothe the sore muscles. Varian smiled at the gentle touches. He hadn’t actually really used his good wing for much in the last fifteen years and knew there would be discomfort at the sudden hour long flight. Still, he’d kept it in good enough shape for the flight today to be safe.

Hugo moved to his right wing and Varian tensed.

“Does that hurt?”

Varian winced slightly, his mouth forming into a thin, white line but he shook his head. “No.”

Hugo pursed his lips, gently prodding the weakened limb, working past the thick feathers to feel the small and weak muscles underneath the down. “Are you sure? Varian, you need to tell me if this hurts. You’ve been wearing the brace for most of the day, and we need to make sure it didn’t strain your wing. I don’t want you to lie to me.”

Varian was silent as Hugo moved his hand down the limp wing until he brushed against the one area Varian had hoped he wouldn’t touch. A small, pained cry escaped his lips and Hugo jerked his hand back.

“Frick. Goggles, are you okay?”

Varian squeezed his eyes shut, a small whimper escaping his lips. “I’m fine.”

Hugo wasn’t convinced and slowly and carefully let the wing droop back down Varian’s back. His other wing, the strong one that actually worked, bristled at the sudden lack of contact.

Varian turned towards him and Hugo noted how his limp wing dragged across the bed as he moved.

“I’m okay.” Varian gave him a smile. “I’ve gone fifteen years with it being like this.”

Hugo sighed but let Varian win this one. “Okay. As long as you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

Hugo watched him stand and stretch.

Varian smiled at him. “You worry too much.”

“And I think you don’t worry enough.” Hugo stood and pulled Varian closer by the waist, his wings wrapping loosely around his partner. Varian laughed at his antics but wrapped his arms around Hugo’s neck. “I know you’re excited, but you should take this slow. I don’t want you to get hurt.” He gave Varian a light peck to his lips. “At least promise me you’ll be careful with this?”

Varian nodded with a smile. “I promise.” He leaned in, claiming Hugo’s lips in a deep kiss. Arms and wings tightened around his body as Hugo pushed closer to make it deeper. Varian hummed with pleasure as he was held tighter, loving the way this felt.

Hugo’s hand slid up his back, barely brushing against his exposed skin where his vest and shirt dipped low to make room for the wings. Varian shuddered slightly, letting out a quiet moan at the contact. Hugo’s fingers slowly slid up a little further, caressing along his spine. Varian moaned again, burying his hands into the blond’s hair.

They broke the kiss, both breathing heavily at how intense it had gotten. Their foreheads found rest against eachother and Varian’s breath shuddered with how Hugo was still touching him.

“Hugo?”

“Yes?” His voice was low and the sound of it drove Varian crazy.

“I love you.”

A smile formed on his lips. “I love you too.”

_______

A bit of trivia for this au, someone on the discord suggested that Varian would have a limp wing/not be able to fly so he'd have to rely on his alchemy and engineering skills to help him do that. (And also because I love Prometheus and I want him to stay in the au). So, yeah! Alot of the plot is centered around this, tho some of it will be comprised of oneshots scattered around the timeline. The next part will reveal a little more of the world they live in!