#they have to be endgame
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Xaden telling violet to yell at him or hit him, to do whatever she needs to get out her emotions after killing (âkillingâ) jack f Barlowe. Itâs so soft and pure in my heart.
He was there ready to be anything and everything she needed, he was there to give her absolutely anything she wanted and needed no matter what, because he knew and understood who she was, well enough, to know just how much it would affect her.
I love Xaden.
#fourth wing#iron flame#violet and xaden#the empyrean#romantasy#andarna#riorgail#they have to be endgame#violence sorrengail#i love them your honor#xaden riorson#Xaden Riorson the man you are#i love him your honor
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physical touch is my main love language and definitely how i express my love the most so itâs obviously super important to me. and this translates over to media too. and itâs not smut iâm looking for (donât get me wrong, i enjoy smut sometimes) but just non sexual interactions and intimacy. things like hugs and small touches, but the forehead kiss is by far my favorite. something about it feels so vulnerable and comforting and sweet and just affects me more than anything else.
this moment between jonathan and nancy is my favorite because of that. iâve always shipped them, but this moment just feels so beautifully intimate to me. the way heâs holding her face and the way she closes her eyes⊠itâs more significant than any other moment to me
#anyways i just have a lot of feelings and needed to get them out#i love jancy so much#they have to be endgame#i canât imagine either of them with anyone else#stranger things#jancy#jonathan byers#nancy wheeler#st4#st5#stranger things 4#stranger things 5#stranger things ships
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Buck will always be there for the Diaz boys
#911 on abc#911 season 7#911 7x10#911 spoilers#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie#losing my mind honestly#they have to be endgame
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2x4 | 2x5
#brb sobbing#soulmate things#they have to be endgame#i love you#fire country#bodiela#bode x gabriela#gabriela x bode#bode donovan#gabriela perez#stephanie arcila#max thieriot#love#2x4#2x5
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moodboard: jay x leia
#that 90s show#that '90s show#otp: i will spend every day making it up to you#jeia#jeiaedit#jeiashippersclub#jay x leia#leia x jay#jay and leia#leia and jay#my moodboards#my stuff#het ship#theyâre so pure and in love#they have to be endgame
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i truly donât know what i would do, but it would NOT be good.
maybe i'm a bit traumatized still by the change between OFMD seasons 1 and 2 but if DBDA gets renewed and the plan was that charles and crystal were in love the whole time and edwin just had a fleeting crush, art is dead. i will eat my hat and the head it sits on.
#dead boy detectives#dbda#save dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#revive dead boy detectives#edwin payne#charles rowland#save dbda#we will save this show#savedeadboydetectives#they HAVE to be endgame#iâll sob
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âi still believe that thereâs a place for usâ
#byler#whose you are by jake minch for obscure Byler song rec#fanart#stranger things#byler endgame#mike wheeler#will byers#byler brainrot#đđœhi im having so much art anxiety rn lol AHHH
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Something I haven't seen discussed yet is not only did buck and Tommy kiss, but they JUST kissed. Tommy kissed him once, just communicating that "okay is this what you want us to do?" And then he set up a real romantic date where he's going to pick buck up at 8 and everything.
Buck who has a shit load of trauma from partners wanting him for nothing more than his body. From always having to be the person adding the romance into every relationship to convince people there's more to him then sex.
Baby boy just got asked on a wholesome date and got promised romantic helicopter flying lessons and he won't even have to drive and goddddvdhebusjabsjsjdnxns
#don't get me wrong#buddie#will always be my endgame#but i have a feeling tommy has the ability to be exactly what buck needs right now.#sweet and curious#and romantic#with someone who seems to actually know how lucky they are to get the chance#911#911 abc#9 1 1 abc
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When the End Comes | ch 4 (jjk)
âsummary: Seven years after you've started dating Jungkook, long distance creates a wedge in your relationship. When the only solution seems to be breaking up, you go your separate ways even though love still lives in the two of you. Will you find a way back together, or has the end come for you and Jeon Jungkook?
âpairing: photographer!Jungkook x lawyer!female reader
ârating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in every chapter)
âgenre: breakup!au, slice of life!au, angst with a big A, smut
âwarnings: fear of getting stood up, alcohol, pet names, curses, Jungkook's scars, angst, stubborn Jungkook, pessimism, depressive episode, cliffhanger at the end I'm sorry, explicit content: jerking off, oral sex (male receiving), Jungkook taking pictures of them during (I apologize, I have sinned), balls sucking/fondling, pain kink (Jungkook), deep throating, mouth fucking, unprotected sex, hickey, clit play, degradation, fingering, cum play (ish?)
âword count: 14.3k
âseries masterpost
âa/n: Rereading each chapter to edit is a challenge bc I just be sobbing the whole time :') I hope you enjoy this one, though it does really hurt oop
âa/n pt2: Thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing this, you are the best <3 and thank you to @jessikahathaway for supporting me with this project, you are amazinnng
âRead The Forgotten Spaces here, the prequel to When the End Comes! It does not need to be read to understand When the End Comes, but I think it still should be read first to have a better understanding of the characters in general!
âAdd yourself to the taglist here (if you were on the taglist for The Forgotten Spaces, you're already on the taglist for When the End Comes!)
âââââ
But love never leaves a heart, where it found it, found it You found it Someday, I'll fall into you That's where I'll be now when the end comes
When the End Comes, Andrew Belle
âââââ
Friday, September 8th
               You clutch the gift bag in your hand. It feels strange to be meeting Jungkook again, after last weekend. And even after last weekend, youâre not sure where youâre standing.
Did he spend his whole week thinking about you the way that you were thinking about him?
You texted a little, over the week. Each time a notification from him popped up on your phone, you felt like youâd gone back in time. Like maybe, maybe you took a time machine to a past of better days last weekend. Itâs bittersweet in a way, because you feel like there is still so much left unsaid between you and him.
But heâs willing to try. Even if you broke him, even if youâve been wondering if thereâs anything salvageable after all, heâs willing to try. Willing to meet you at a Korean barbecue restaurant halfway between his place and yours.
You check the time, anxiety flooding your veins. Heâs running late, though he texted you to tell you he was almost there. A part of you wonders if heâs going to stand you up â you think youâd deserve it. Because youâre not sure you deserve this chance, yet you donât want to lose it, donât want to let it go.
You look down at the bag. You bought the gift on a whim this week, and you have no idea if heâll still want it. Itâs a lens he was looking to buy months ago, before he left for Paris, and thereâs a high chance that heâll have bought it for himself since thenâŠ
You just couldnât think about anything other than that to gift him. Even though his work was your demise, you know Jungkook loves photography. Always will, no matter where you two will end up. And since it was his birthday last weekend â before youâd reconnected â you thought why not? Why not get a gift and show him that you still care, that you remember?
Because youâd never forget, when it comes to him. You think, if you had dementia, heâd be the last thing youâd lose, if at all.
You worry at your lip, glancing around. Luckily enough for you, there is a bench outside of the restaurant, though you can only sit on a corner of it as the rest is still wet from the rain earlier. It was raining when you left work, but it fortunately stopped as you were getting ready for the date.
You sigh, looking down at your phone again. Twenty minutes late seems like a long time, considering that Jungkookâs not one to be late usually. A sense of dread takes ahold of your heart, and you already feel tears forming in your eyes.
You were foolish, stupid. Idiotic, if you thought there was a way things could be set right.
You get up, looking towards the door of the restaurant. A couple are waiting in the hall, arms around each other as they hug with not a care in the world. It aches deeply, makes you crave the physical intimacy last Saturday held and you gulp as you swallow around the lump in your throat.
Still you stay rooted in your spot. Thereâs a light tremor that starts taking a hold of you, and you regret not putting a jacket on even though it isnât remotely freezing today. Your eyes fall to the gift bag, and you think about May. About the moment youâd let him go â has he gotten too far for you to reach him now?
A tear wins. Or perhaps itâs the gravity, growing ten times stronger as your heart breaks again. As the hope gets lost to you, replaced by that same deep sorrow youâve become accustomed to. You sigh, the breath of air trembling on the way out.
And then you almost let out a scream as someone touches your arm.
Jungkook startles just as much as you, taking a step back, his big, doe eyes widening even more as he meets your gaze. Your mouth remains open, yet no words come out. You just take him in, take his appearance in â his piercings, the beanie heâs wearing, his flushed cheeks. He looks like he was running, and you think maybe he was.
âIâm sorry,â he tells you.
At that your eyes drop to the bright pink bouquet of flowers heâs holding, and something inside of you heals, as if youâve found a cure to the disease.
âOh, Jungkook,â you let out. You meet his gaze again. âYou didnât have to.â
He pulls at his piercings, shrugging sheepishly. âI wanted to.â
Itâs warm. Whatever is blossoming in your chest is warm, a stark contrast to the winter youâve been stuck in since the night you lost him.
âThank you,â you murmur, and you blink away the tears in your eyes.
You freeze when he wipes the one thatâs already rolled on your cheek, frowning slightly at the sight.
âThe florist I wanted to go to first was closed,â he says as an explanation. âI had to run around to find another one.â
You offer him a small smile, and his features immediately smooth out into a soft expression too.
âI was scared you wereâŠâ you trail off, wetting your lips as you refuse to voice your fear.
Refuse to admit you didnât have faith in him.
âI thought you would,â he answers carefully. âHence why I ran.â
You nod. âIâŠâ You look down at the gift bag, holding it up. âI got you a birthday gift.â
His smile is teary when you look at it next, and you take a moment to delve into the depths of his gaze. Thereâs a small twinkle there, though it is faint, barely even noticeable. If you didnât know him like the sun knows the moon, you wouldnât recognize it.
Heâs hopeful. Itâs strange â there was no hope in Jungkookâs gaze last weekend. Or there had been, for a fraction of a moment, until it had been blown away by the wind. You can only hope that this time it will hold on strong.
âYou didnât have to,â he says, though the curve of his pink lips tells you he appreciates the thought.
He grabs the gift bag, not looking through it right away. Instead, he hands you the flowers, and you delicately take them, bringing them close to your nose so that you can inhale the fragrance. Your eyelids flutter shut, and a content smile moves on your lips.
âThank you,â you murmur as you meet his gaze again. âAndâŠâ You motion towards the gift. âYou deserved it. I think youâll like it.â
Thereâs a moment of awkward silence, as Jungkook looks down at the bag. He offers you a tight-lipped smile, and you cock an eyebrow.
âWhat?â he lets out.
âArenât you going toâŠâ you vaguely answer. âOpen it?â
âOh, now?â He chuckles awkwardly, glancing around before pointing towards the restaurant. âShouldnât we go in to give our names?â
Heâs got a point. Especially considering that itâs a Friday evening. So you do just that, giving your phone number to the hostess as she tells you there will be a thirty minutes wait. You and Jungkook move back outside after that, and he guides you towards his car, a few streets down.
âHow was work this week?â he asks on the way.
âBetter,â you admit, remembering how youâd told him that you didnât like the new department in which you worked.
And itâs true â it has been better. Maybe because the excitement of receiving texts from him through the days made it easier to handle. Or maybe itâs because you havenât been so damned cold since last weekend. All in all, work has been easier, even if it isnât as interesting as it used to be.
âIâm glad,â he says, offering you a smile.
Silence surrounds the two of you, only interrupted by a car honking in the street. You startle a little, and Jungkook chuckles.
Youâre struck. His chuckles have healing properties, youâre convinced of it. They spark hope into you, so bright you think youâll be blinded, retina forever burned. Yet your eyes donât lose focus on him, even as his lips return to a neutral expression.
âWhat about you?â you ask as your heart picks up in your chest. âWhat were you up to this week?â
A small crease appears between his brows, but it disappears so quickly you think you might have imagined it. âIâve been going to the gym,â he answers. âAnd looking around for some jobs.â
His last sentence turns the hope into a firework show inside of you. âYeah? Any luck so far?â
You reach his car, and as he always does, he opens the door for you. You blush, something you havenât really done with Jungkook in forever, and youâre struck thinking that this feels new.
Perhaps this will be a new chapter in your relationship with Jeon Jungkook after all.
âThank you,â you mutter as your cheeks burn. You sit in, and he closes the door before moving around the car to get in. You watch him do so, and he sits next to you, turning the car on just long enough so that you can roll the windows down.
âNow,â he lets out, eyeing the bag. âWhatâs this?â
For some reason, it makes you chuckle, and he shoots you a dumb smile that makes you think youâve delved right into the heat of summer, warmth spreading through you. It erases the winter, replaces it with blooming flowers and bright sun rays, golden sunsets and the feeling of a soft breeze threading through your hair.
Needless to say, you want to cling to it before winter comes again.
âOpen and youâll see,â you answer, your heart racing as you glance at the bag, before going back to his smile.
He nods, and he opens the bag, taking out the paper first. Your heartbeat increases tenfold because, what if he doesnât like it?
What if he takes it as an affront that youâve given him something photography related?
But then he sees it. Sees the lens you bought for him, and his features turn somber, but not in a bad way. They settle into a calm expression, with a softer smile that barely even tugs at the corners of his lips. He takes a deep breath, and then looks towards you again.
Teary eyes find yours, and you think maybe this is it. Maybe this is where the end will find you. Lost in the swirling depth of his gaze, in the forgotten space of you and him.
He whispers your name, emotion making it heavier than the whole world. You nod once, as no sentences take shape in your mind to reply to him. Youâre not sure you have to say something â he sees in your eyes the emotions you canât quite voice.
âYou really didnât have to,â he adds, and you watch his Adamâs apple bob as he gulps. âFuck.â
He looks down at the lens, takes it out of the bag so that he can examine it thoroughly. You observe him as he does so, as if youâre watching a show. And you think, maybe he is a show ïżœïżœ a movie meant for you to admire on and on until you go old and blindness seeps into your gaze.
âI wanted to,â you reply.
He shoots you a quick look, just as teary as the initial one. âThank you.â
âOf course.â
And then he laughs, a small vulnerable laugh that has you blinking back the wetness building up on your waterline. You echo it with one of yours, though it comes unexpectedly to you. But then again, you reckon you share the same feelings.
You always have, havenât you? Your soul is in sync with his, has always been, no matter if distance put an end to the story of you and him. Or tried to, because heâs here today.
So are you, and if he allows it, youâll never leave again.
âIâve wanted this lens in forever,â he says, voice small as he turns it in his hands, looking at it in every possible angle. âYouâŠâ he trails off, meets your gaze and smiles again. âYou remembered.â
You nod. âHow could I forget?â You worry at your lips, shy away from his gaze to watch your wriggling fingers in your lap. âThere isnât a day I didnât think of you.â
The revelation seems out of place, in a parked car on the side of a busy street. Yet it comes naturally to you, and meets him just as naturally. Because he nods, and then reaches for you. Grabs your jaw, gently, so that he can turn your head towards him. Thereâs a moment when you think the whole world holds his breath, and then he leans forward, brushes a soft kiss on your lips.
âI missed you,â he admits as he pulls away, letting go of your jaw reluctantly.
A tear slips on your cheek, and you quickly dry it. âI missed you too.â
And though the moment is heavy with emotion, you donât want to run away from it. When you were younger, you would have fled like a deer hearing a branch crack in the woods. But today, today you want the weight of this emotion to rest upon you, like a weighted blanket that reminds you youâre alive.
The emotion lingers, past this moment and into the next. As you get the text that a table is ready for you and him, and you move back to the Korean restaurant. As you sit in front of him, watch him smile and laugh in time with you at the stupid jokes that you make.
You and him make more sense than you realized. Or maybe you forgot. Maybe the distance made you forget, but right now you think you know heâll always be the one. And if you lose him again, heâll be the one that got away, and youâll search for him through every connection with temporary people.
Because there canât be permanent people after him. Heâs permanently inked into your heart, carved into your bones.
âHow has your family been?â he asks when thereâs a lull in the conversation.
You offer him a tight-lipped smile, though you know he means your father, Isabel and Louis.
You know heâd never talk about your mother as part of your family.
âTheyâve been great,â you answer. âDadâs been looking to retire, or at least to have a lesser charge at work.â
Jungkook furrows his brows, but says nothing as he puts some meat on the grill between you and him. You observe him as he does so, wincing when flames erupt and he pulls his hand away â quickly enough, thankfully.
âHow old is he again?â Jungkook asks after that, meeting your gaze again.
âFifty-nine,â you reply. âBut I donât think itâs about his age. He just wants to spend more time with Louis.â
The softness that takes over his doe eyes makes you want to curl up in him, against him. Makes you want to listen to his beating heart until the day that it ceases, decades away from now. Itâs a strong feeling, and youâre forced to blink away tears again.
âDonât cry,â Jungkook gently says, and he reaches to pat your cheek.
It makes you laugh. Of course it does, and he offers you a dumb smile again. For the first time that night, you notice that yes, it does reach his eyes. The smile lights up his gaze, though thereâs wariness, etched in the lines of his face.
Itâs not that you missed it before. Maybe you just didnât want to see it. But right in this instant, itâs all you can see, and it makes his smile fall until his eyes follow, moving to the grill. He turns the meat as you busy yourself with eating japchae.
And you donât like this silence. You donât like the ache that it carries, so you force yourself to try. To try and fight for him and prove that, after everything, he really is where the end will be, when it comes for you.
âWhat about your family?â you ask, throwing him a lifeline in the storm youâre sure heâs been plagued with too.
âTheyâve been great,â he answers. âMy brotherâs wife is pregnant again.â
For a moment you forget about the torment between you and him as your mind zeroes in on the fact. âThatâs amazing!â you let out, and your smile comes easily. âThey must be so happy.â
Jungkook looks at your smile, taking a deep breath. It seems he takes a decision then, because his lips curve up, and some of the wariness fades away. He looks softer like this, younger, and your heart shines under his light.
âIt really is,â he says. âI was thinking on going to Korea to see the baby when Yuri gives birth.â
In another world, you would have said youâll go with him, but right now you donât think you can. So, instead, you reply, âThatâs a good idea. Iâm sure your family will be happy to see you.â
He nods, and then he puts some meat in your bowl, taking the two other stripes for himself. You mindlessly pick one of the pieces up, mixing it in ssamjang before eating it. You wince as you burn your tongue a little, and quickly eat the meat so that you can take a long gulp of water.
Jungkook must have expected you to burn yourself, because he laughs at your expense as he refills your glass. âYou good?â
You nod. âSorry, just burned myself.â
âDonât apologize.â
So you donât. For the rest of the evening, you try not to apologize. And you think you succeed â you both speak as if distance wasnât a thing between you. As if time hasnât come to pass between you too â as if youâve never been apart. As if, seven years ago, the stars told the truth as they sparkled in the July night sky.
You finish eating while chatting like this, while sharing thoughts about movies youâve seen. As he tells you about working out, about Bam and the songs heâs been listening to. He drinks a beer as you speak, and you once again take a moment to admire him.
Youâd never admit it, but the beanie makes him look good. Comfortable and soft â as does the jean jacket, you reckon. But then again you know Jungkook would look good in anything, one of the advantages of him being gifted with pretty privilege.
And when he clinks his glass with yours, claiming you have to finish drinking even though youâve only been drinking water, you still laugh with him, still down your glass as he chugs the beer. And you wonder, how long will it take to erase the distance?
Will it take more than this moment in time, to undo the distance and rebuild the closeness?
And you think, maybe it just needs now. Because as you walk out, bellies full and minds buzzing with a slight tinge of alcohol, you accept Jungkookâs extended hand. You let him guide you to his car, even though yours is parked on the other side of the restaurant. He opens the door for you again, but you hesitate for a moment.
Long enough to step closer to him instead, and pull him down so you can peck his lips. He looks surprised, and his features fall serious as you share a long look.
âCan I come over tonight?â you whisper.
He nods. âI thought it was a given.â
Of course he would. And youâre not even mad that he would. Youâre rather relieved, and you canât help yourself. You canât help pulling him down in a more heated kiss, even though you hate public displays of affection. There are just words your lips canât say any other way than this, and he gets it. Heâll always get you. He always will, and he kisses you with the same intensity, one hand cupping your cheek gently while the other presses on the small of your back, resting flat as he pulls you in. You hold his delicate waist, sighing in the kiss as your thumbs draw idle lines on his sides.
Jungkook pulls away to press a kiss on your forehead, lingering there for a small eternity that leads to you wrapping your arms around his waist. He lets you do it, and you wonder if his soul has found yours. You hope it has, for there are things your soul can say even better than your mouth can.
Apologies donât mean much when they are shaped in words. But you think your soul could show him, and maybe, maybe tonight heâll allow you to show him.
âAre you parked somewhere you can leave your car overnight?â he asks softly, lips moving against your forehead.
You nod. âI am.â
âThen letâs go home.â
*****
               It comes as a surprise, when you realize Jungkook has moved in the same building as Kiko and Yoongi. Even more so as they run into you on the way in, knowing smiles on their lips as Jungkook holds your hand tight. They donât really say a lot â both of them arenât man and woman of words, except when they pour them into the lyrics of a song.
But Kiko does hug you. Does whisper in your ear that she wishes everything will be set right for the two of you, and when you pull away to meet Jungkookâs gaze, you think it already is. Especially as youâre clutching the flowers he got for you, and their sweet fragrance surrounds you.
And then they walk away, as they were leaving to go on a late walk, and you and Jungkook walk in the building, making your way to the elevator. Jungkook presses the call button, and then pulls you close to his chest so that he can press a kiss on the top of your head.
âWell, that was awkward,â he says.
You chuckle. âIt wasnât really.â
His grip tightens around you before he lets you go so that you can enter the elevator. He follows you in, and he intertwines your fingers as he presses on the fourth floor. As the elevator starts moving, you pull him closer, tilting your head back as you pout slightly.
âWhat?â he asks.
âKiss me?â
He doesnât need to be asked twice. He immediately dives in, and youâre surprised with the strength of the kiss. As if heâs pouring his entire soul in it, and you think maybe he is. After all, you kiss him back with all the fire in you, and itâs burning brighter than it ever has.
Unfortunately, the moment is short-lived as you reach his floor and the doors slide open. He pulls away, presses a kiss on your forehead as if he wasnât sucking on your tongue a moment ago, and then he pulls you behind him as he walks towards his door.
Itâs further down the hall, and you wait excitedly as he unlocks. Though youâre a little worried about seeing Bam again â what if he doesnât recognize you?
Which, you reckon was a stupid thought, because the dog comes barging out, tail wagging wildly, when Jungkook manages to get the door open.
âBamie!â you exclaim, and Jungkook carefully takes the bouquet of flowers from your hand to allow you to bend down and pet the dog.
He licks at your face, whimpering as if he thought heâd lost you. It brings tears to your eyes, and you giggle like a kid as you pet him, rubbing his short fur as he keeps running all around you.
âI think heâs happy to see you,â Jungkook deadpans, and you burst out laughing.
You look up to try and look at Jungkook, but Bam jumps in your vision, which makes you giggle again. And then, something magical happens. Something you didnât think youâd hear again â Jungkook laughs that childish laugh of his, the one that usually only comes forth when heâs really happy.
You act by pure instinct. You stand up, wrap your arms around Jungkookâs neck. His giggle dies against your lips, but heâs quick to kiss you back as he snakes his inked arm around your back. You let out a breathy sound, and then burst into a fit of giggles as Bam jumps on you.
âI think he demands attention,â you state and Jungkook nods as you part, though he keeps his arm close to you.
âWe should take him on a walk,â he says, and you notice his cheeks are flushed red. You reckon yours probably are too, but thereâs something about seeing the effect that you have on him, even after everything, that makes you come undone.
âIâm so happy to be with you right now,â you murmur.
He gulps, eyes shining suddenly. âMe too.â He adds your name softly, before repeating, âMe too.â
You walk in his apartment after that, to put the flowers in a large glass of water since Jungkook doesnât own any vase. Meanwhile, he disappears in what you assume is the bedroom, only to reappear with his camera. To your surprise, heâs already fitted the new lens on it.
Itâs endearing. Thereâs something so incredibly endearing at the thought that your gift is loved already, that Jungkook already wants to use it. It makes a line of silver appear in your eyes, and you donât even blink it away as Jungkook angles the camera towards you to take a picture.
âHuh,â he lets out as he looks at the picture. He adjusts some settings, and before heâs had time to take another picture of you, Bam comes up to you, jumping up. His two paws rest on your waist as you laugh, and thatâs when Jungkook snaps the picture.
You glance his way to see him smiling softly, and then he nods appreciatively. âIâm going to use this lens way too much,â he comments.
It makes you laugh. âIâm glad.â
And then youâre going outside with the dog. Jungkook brings the camera, and he snaps pictures of the surroundings, of you and Bam. He even takes one of the three of you, though you reckon the angle is clearly unflattering.
It doesnât feel like it matters. Because youâre struck realizing that this, this moment matters. It matters enough for him to want to commit it to memory, and you wonder if heâs going to add it to all the frames you left behind.
But then again, did he even put them up in his new apartment? From what you could see when you were in, there was no picture visible.
It aches, but then he tells you to smile and you do. You immediately do, because thereâs nothing easier than smiling when youâre with him like this. The wariness still clings to him, but itâs barely visible, like a mirage thatâs about to fade in the distance.
âStop taking pictures of me,â you say as he takes another one.
He lets out a noncommittal sound, shrugging his shoulder. âWhy?â
You pout as blush creeps on your cheek. âYou havenât taken this many pictures of me since⊠Chicago?â
He shakes his head. âI took more pictures on our first trip to Korea.â
A beautiful trip, where youâd met his family for the first time. You had gotten along with everyone well, even though your Korean was poor. You got better through the years, but you still have a long way before you can speak in Korean without feeling like everyone is going to judge you.
âThatâs beside the point,â you mumble. You motion towards Bam, whoâs patiently sitting next to you. âIâm pretty sure heâs done.â
Jungkook pouts, and butterflies take flight in your stomach. âSorry,â he apologizes.
Youâre not quite sure why.
âI justâŠâ he adds, and then shadows cloud over his features. They resemble the sorrow that was surrounding him last weekend, and just like that you think summer has ended. âI havenât used my camera sinceâŠâ
You donât need for him to say it, because you know exactly what he was going to say. Still, it hurts, and your gaze drops to the ground.
âGosh,â you whisper. You let out a strangled sound. âIâm so sorry.â
He doesnât say anything. Just grabs your hand, raising it to his mouth to press a gentle kiss on your knuckles.
âWe said weâd try,â he reminds you, or maybe heâs trying to remind himself. âLetâs try. For real. So no more apologies.â
âI feel like you deserve thousands of apologies and more,â you admit.
He kisses your forehead, and itâs against your skin that he whispers, âI just want us to move on from what happened.â
You nod, wrapping an arm around his waist to loosely hug him. Unfortunately, Bam pulls on his leash, and you have to let go of Jungkook far too quickly. Still, you meet his gaze, nodding your head again.
âI want to move on too,â you tell him. âIf I could, Iâd erase everything butâŠâ
He holds out his hand for you to interlace your fingers with his. âBut itâs in the past.â
Heâs right, yet you see the wariness. Itâs still there, though you think soon the mist will dissipate with the rays of the sun. So you follow him in, let him feed Bam before he shows you around his small apartment. It feels like him, in ways you canât really describe, and you want to stay. You think, if heâd ask youâd never leave again.
âI like it,â you tell him as he finishes the tour in his bedroom, which is only occupied by an unmade bed with white sheet and a small night table with his pair of glasses on top. You notice the LED lights, and a smile moves to your lips. âPlease tell me these still shine purple like they did at the house with the boys.â
Jungkook nods, offering you a grin. âYeah. I thought itâd be great to have a⊠reminder of a simpler time.â
He turns them on, and you get it. You get it so much you grab the lapels of his jean jacket, pulling him closer to you. His lips are upon yours in an instant, hungry, insistent, ravishing a kiss that makes you light-headed. Especially as he grabs your face, holds on to it like itâs a life buoy in a storm. The piercings push into your bottom lip, their colder temperature making your tongue dart to them, as if to warm them.
Jungkook groans, and then kicks the door of his bedroom shut. Heâs had to stop kissing you for that, but heâs kissing you again half a second later, and itâs even more intense, more desperate.
You let go of his jacket, hands blindly moving to his belt as he pushes his tongue in your mouth. You suck on it, moan lightly when he groans again. You fumble with the buckle, but soon enough you get it undone, and you move on to the button of his jeans.
You just want him. Need to feel his body against you, in you. And clearly he needs the same thing, as he pulls away from the hug to take your shirt off. Right as you get the button undone, and then unzip his jeans. You slip your hand in, letting out a breathy sound as you find him already hard. He sits heavy in your hand, and you squeeze him unabashedly.
âFuck,â he curses, head thrown back as his eyes close. âBaby.â
The pet name has you drop to your knees, and you pull his pants down just enough for his dick to spring free. He doesnât try to stop you, and you admire him for a time. Admire the brown base of his tip, the veins that run along his length. A bead of precum appears on his slit as you look, and youâre quick to lick it clean. The salty taste fills your mouth, and you look up at him, to see him watching down on you, strands of hair falling in his eyes where theyâve escaped the confines of his beanie.
âSuck it, mmh?â he says.
You grab him, jerking him off loosely. âYeah?â
His eyes darken behind the strands of hair. He bites at his piercings, cocking his head to the side. And then heâs glancing away and to your surprise, he asks, âCan I take pictures of you while you suck my dick?â
You swirl your tongue around his tip, and he bucks his hips forward. In answer, you sit back on your heels, looking up at him innocently. âRight now?â He nods. âYou want to take pictures of me while I suck your dick?â
âIf you want to,â he answers. âIf you donât want to itâs fine.â
You close your lips around his tip, sucking once. âYouâll keep the pictures to yourself?â
You donât know why youâre agreeing. Only know that the lust in Jungkookâs gaze is making you forget everything about common sense. But then again, you highly doubt that Jungkook would ever do anything to harm you.
Jungkookâs mouth falls open as he was about to answer, but when you take his dick as far as you can, heâs silenced. And heâs hard in your mouth, a rod of steel youâve missed since last week.
âYeah,â he finally breathes out.
You sit back on your heels. âThen itâs fine.â
He smirks, nodding his head as he finishes taking off his jeans and underwear. âWait here.â
You purse your lips as he walks away, and you watch him leaving his room to head to where he left his camera. You patiently wait, feeling shy even though you have nothing to be shy about. This is just Jungkook â itâs not like he hasnât seen you half-naked and on your knees for him before.
It takes him a moment to come back, but when he does, itâs to sit on bed. Heâs still hard, and he leans back on a hand as you move closer.
âIf you want me to stop, you tell me, okay?â he gently says as you run a hand along his thighs.
You glance at his scar, the familiar knot of skin giving you more confidence than you expected. âYouâre going to jerk off to these pictures, mmh?â            Â
He gulps, angling his camera towards you as you lean closer to his dick. You lick at it, and the shutter goes off.
It has you dripping in your panties, unexpectedly.
âSo what if I do?â he asks as you grab his dick, stroking him.
The question is rhetorical, and your answer is to wrap your lips around his cock as your eyes flutter shut. You swirl your tongue around the tip and hollow your cheeks as you go down. You hold the gag reflex in as he hits the back of your throat, and you canât help but moan as you hear his camera again.
You flick your tongue at his frenulum on the way out, and then you stroke his dick as you sit back. You move one hand to his balls, squeezing gently before thinking better of it and leaning forward, sucking on one. He grunts, and you keep your eyes locked on the camera as you jerk him off faster.
Another picture added to the list. And youâre dripping wet. Already you want to sink on his dick, want him to be so deep inside of you that youâre just one.
âKookâŠâ you murmur, and then youâre back to sucking on his dick, though this time you make sure to squeeze his balls too, the way that he likes it. Hard, but not too hard, and youâre choking around his dick in no time as he starts fucking up in your mouth, clearly forgetting about the pictures.
It goes like this for a while, with his dick growing impossibly hard. Your jaw aches by the time he pushes down on your head, hand lost in your hair. You gag, and he moans loudly. You think heâs coming, but he somehow manages to keep it in before pulling you off.
âShit,â he curses. âSorry.â He breathes for a moment, as you wipe your mouth and chin from the drool.
âItâs okay,â you reassure him. You glance at the camera. âAny good pics?â
That brings him back to the land of lust and passion, and he offers you a smirk. âWe can look at them after. Iâm not done with you yet.â
You laugh, because you know youâve barely started. Know youâre likely to be unable to walk tomorrow. Because the lust in his gaze hasnât shone so bright in years, yes, but also because you almost lost each other.
Or maybe you have, and this too is just a dip in the past.
You stand up, hands snaking to your back so that you can unclasp your bra. Jungkook watches you carefully, before taking a picture as you massage your breasts. It makes you bite at your lower lip, and you look at his hard dick where it rests on his stomach.
âCan I ride you?â you ask breathlessly.
He smirks. âYou donât want me to finger you first?â
Instead of replying, you finish undressing, taking off your pants and panties at the same time. You then push on his jean jacket, and he takes that as a cue to remove it. You motion to the shirt too as he was about to lean back on his hand and he cocks his head to the side, an eyebrow raised. When you nod, he takes it off too, and it makes his beanie fall.
His hair is a mess, and you canât resist but step forward so that you can push it back, though you think the jet black strands are currently untamable. You give up after a few seconds, pushing on his chest so that he lies back.
His eyes are on you as you climb on his lap, and you grind along his length, coating it with your juices.
âShit,â he lets out again. âYouâre fucking dripping.â
You nod, moving up just enough so that you can grab the base of his dick. His tip prods your entrance, and he pulls at his piercings as you wait there, teasing him with a corner smile on your lips.
âFucking tease,â he growls.
It undoes something in you. Because yes, you wanted to tease him. You wanted him to beg you to fuck him, but now you sink down on him, until he reaches your cervix. Even the pain of him hitting the back of your pussy doesnât make you move, and your walls clench around his dick as he grunts out a curse, followed by your name.
âKook,â you purr. âFuck me good.â
He chuckles as you circle your hips, and his free hand rests on your hip as he angles his camera to take a picture of you again. âYou canât do the work?â
He says it condescendingly, and you find enough challenge in you to start bouncing up and down. It shuts him up, and the following moment is spent with you fucking yourself on him as he groans under you, your breathy moans filling his room. Soon enough he stops taking pictures, putting his camera down next to him so that he can hold your hips with his two hands.
And then heâs fucking up in you, and you cry out as you lean forward, wrapping an arm around his neck while your other hand holds on to his shoulder.
Youâre a mess, yet your heart clenches in your chest as he fucks you like this. As you remember a land of winter, that somehow doesnât feel as distant as it should. Maybe because of Jungkookâs wariness tonight, or maybe because you know all good things come to an end.
The thought douses your arousal, until Jungkook stills deep inside of you and whispers, âI want to be with you, like this, forever.â
You nuzzle your face in his neck and suck a mark on his skin. âMe too.â
And then heâs fucking you again, hard and quick. He holds you close, grunts in your ear as you lick at his neck. Itâs an abundance of sensation, and your brain focuses on the way he hits your clit whenever he pushes up. Whenever his hips snap against you, and soon thereâs an orgasm in the distance.
It finds you when he lets you sit up so that you can fuck yourself on him again, and his thumb finds your clit to press expert circles on it. It finds you hard, and your pussy spasms repeatedly on his dick. He helps you through the high, and when you finally come down, a dumb smile tugs at the corners of your lips.
âFuck,â you let out.
âFelt good?â he asks with a teasing tone to his voice, the one you know he only reserves for you.
To hear it right now makes you love him so much you think youâll die on the spot. Because yes, tonight has been great. Yes, itâs almost been like before, but what if he doesnât take you back?
What if, in the end, this was just an extended moment meant to be closure for you and him?
âYes,â you still reply.
Because no matter how much your heart aches in your chest, youâll never lie to him.
âGood,â he says. He sits up, wraps an arm around your waist to steady you as he brings his mouth to yours.
You go in for the kiss. Meet him halfway, and you moan against him as he moves under you, albeit clumsily from the position.
His lips will make you drunk. Make you dumb, make you forget that thereâs a world outside the door. That, in that world, you might not belong to him anymore. But then again, you think you do. To you, you always will.
âLie on your side,â he says after a moment, lips moving against yours.
Jungkook pecks your lips one last time before you move, and then he kneels behind you. His dick prods your entrance again, and he grabs his camera to snap another picture.
âYouâre so fucking hot,â he praises as he pushes the tip in, taking another picture. âSuch a good little fucking slut.â
And then he pushes all the way in, until all of him is embedded in you. You grip the sheets as a broken moan escapes your lips. He holds your hip with one hand, fingers digging in the supple skin as he fucks you hard, chasing his own orgasm.
He looks good doing it. Long hair sticking to the sweat on his face, eyes narrowed in pleasure, mouth open as soft grunts echo through the room. The purple light makes his honey skin glow somehow, and you feel another orgasm reaching for you, though it doesnât hit right away. It just feels so good â as he always does â and you canât help but clench your walls against him.
Thatâs what undoes him. He comes, ropes of white painting your insides, as he swears and says your name in a litany that almost makes you go over the edge too.
âBaby,â he says at the end.
It feels like a confirmation. Like a confirmation that, maybe, maybe you will work this time around. That maybe distance wonât destroy you again â maybe youâll grow old and gray by his side.
âYou came so much,â you say as you feel his hot cum sitting deep inside of you.
He pulls at his piercing, nodding once. And then he pulls out, and he takes a picture of the cum dripping out of you. He decides to push it back in, curling a finger inside of you, and your walls clench as you moan.
âTouch your clit,â he tells you.
You donât need to be told twice. You quickly move your fingers to the sensitive bundle of nerves, drawing quick circles on it as he pushes another digit inside of you, fingering you until the second orgasm finally finds you.
You cry out his name, a broken plea that doesnât really make any sense as your vision turns white. And it stays that way for a long time, blinding you until ecstasy is swimming in your blood. And when you come down from the high, all that you can think is how much you missed him.
âKook,â you breathe out.
âBabyâŠâ
He puts the camera away, and then bends to press a kiss on your lips. Itâs soft, and you grab his face to hold him in place, not even wincing as a bead of his sweat rolls on your cheek. You kiss him with a heart heavy with emotions, trying to show him that youâre never going to leave again. When he pulls away, you notice his teary gaze.
âCan we be together again?â he asks, and you watch in horror as a tear rolls on his cheek. You sit up, drying it with your thumb.
And you donât care if it was too quick. Donât care that thereâs a high chance it wonât last. You still answer, âYes, Kook. Yes we can.â
He smiles, nodding his head. âLetâs take a shower. I want to hold you tonight.â
You want to cry from the statement, want to tell him that you wish he could hold you forever, but the words get lodged in your throat. Instead, you follow him as he gets up, interlacing your fingers with his as he leads you to the bathroom, uncaring that his seed is rolling down your inner thighs.
He turns the shower on, and soon enough youâre standing under the hot water. He watches you carefully, presses a kiss on your forehead when you stand in front of him. You wrap your arms around his waist, holding him as close as you physically can. Even then itâs not enough â you want him under your skin, or to be under his.
You donât think youâd survive being parted from him again. Maybe thatâs why you let him fuck you again when you return to his room, slower this time, lips entwined in a never-ending embrace. Love flows between you and him, and itâs etched in the way your bodies move together, in the way youâve been molded perfectly for him, and him for you.
You wonder if outside, the stars are shining. And youâre struck thinking that tonight, tonight theyâve aligned for you and him again, the universe agreeing for this second chance between you and him.
So you hold him close, and pray that this time around, forever is waiting for you.
Saturday, September 9th
               Jungkook wakes up slowly. Softly, the same way waves hit the shore at low tide. Heâs unusually warm, and he frowns as he shifts, trying to turn on his side. Then, he realizes his arm is stuck under something. His very dead arm, and he cracks an eye open.
Thatâs when he remembers that itâs you. Youâre the one sleeping next to him, mouth slightly agape as you breathe softly. Youâre also the one crushing his arm, and he tentatively clenches and unclenches his fist to try to get the blood circulation back on track. It doesnât really work, so then he stops, figuring heâs going to have to make you move somehow.
But you look peaceful, in the light of the rising sun. Serene, like thereâs never been anything wrong in this world. This morning, Jungkook wants to believe it. Wants to believe that happiness is all heâs ever known â that accidents, heartbreak and pain are all constructs of his imagination.
Heâs too realistic for that. Or perhaps the breakup has made him pessimistic. Because the peace of the moment doesnât really linger, and heâs stuck reliving the moment you left, that night in May. Stuck reliving the wait for you to come back, only you never did.
Or maybe you did, months later. Maybe you really are back, and this time youâll stay.
You mumble something in your sleep, startling him. It takes him a few seconds to realize youâre still deep asleep, but when you move he quickly does too, pulling his arm from under your head. You frown, lick your lips, and then your features smooth out as you return to your peaceful slumber.
He turns on his side, watching you carefully. Heâs aware that watching you sleep is creepy, but he canât help it. Not when his bed has been empty for months.
He stays like this for a while, unable to fall back asleep. Because, what if youâre gone when he wakes up again? He doesnât want to risk it.
Unable to help himself, he gently brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. You sigh, and heâs afraid heâs woken you up. When a small smile appears on your lips, his heart skips a beat, yet you donât show any other sign that youâre awake. He assumes you arenât, and then decide to take a picture of this moment.
He feels like heâs going to need it. Like all the pictures he took yesterday â he was desperate to commit to memory as much of you as he possibly could. He feels bad â he said heâd give you a chance, he is giving you a chance, but some part of him is just waiting for it to blow up in his face.
Maybe if he expects it it will hurt less.
He carefully grabs his camera where he left it on his night table. He doesnât dare take a look at the pictures you took yesterday, a little ashamed that he asked you to do that in the first place. Silently, he takes a picture of you, and then puts the camera away.
Only, the reminder of the kind of pictures heâd find in the camera was enough to make his blood stir, and he picks it back up almost immediately.
And then there you are, in all your glory. Beautiful as ever, pussy filled to the brim with his cum, with his cock. Tits squeezed in your hands, in his, and his dick goes rock hard as blood leaves his head.
He wants you again, and he wants you now. He doesnât care that itâs early morning, that he never liked waking up early. All he can do is put the camera down and slide closer to you. He pulls you back into his embrace, and you sigh softly as he wraps his arms around you.
Jungkook holds you tighter, nuzzling his face in your hair. The inebriating scent of your shampoo fills his nose, and his dick twitches in his underwear.
You hum, and he holds you tighter. âMorning,â he says, voice low and gravelly.
You make another sound that can pass as a hum, but you move against him, until youâve wrapped an arm around his middle. Thereâs a moment where silence reigns again, and Jungkook is afraid youâve fallen back asleep, but then you say, âMorning.â
He smiles. âSlept well?â he asks, kissing the top of your head.
Heâs convinced youâre smiling against him as you say, âWant to sleep more.â
He whines, which earns him a chuckle from you that makes the wariness settle back in, even as his heart feels full in his chest.
It never felt full without you. Another reason why he needs to be ready for the blow, whenever it comes.
âI want you,â he admits. âCanât sleep.â
You hum again, and your hand slides down his back. You squeeze his ass, and then move the hand back up. âYouâre going to have to try.â
He whines, lips jutting out in a pout. âBoring.â
At that you laugh, pushing him slightly until youâre able to look him in the eye. He keeps the pout on, knowing that it always worked with you before.
âItâs not even morning,â you point out.
âThe sun is up.â
You roll your eyes, though your lips are curved upwards, your gaze beaming as you hold his. âWe fucked twice last night.â
He shrugs, rolling on his back so that he can stare up at the ceiling. He pulls at his piercing, the new one, and then turns his head towards you again. âYeah, and?â
âSurely you donât need to fuck right now,â you tease.
He frowns, looking away again. âNot my fault if I havenât fucked since⊠May. Last weekend doesnât count.â
âIâm pretty sure it does,â you say, laughing lightly. You prop yourself up on an elbow, blinking away the tiredness as you meet his gaze again. âAnd besides,â you pause, features turning confused as a crease appears between your brows. âHavenât you fucked while we wereâŠâ you trail off, motioning vaguely around you.
And then something occurs to Jungkook. Something bad â maybe the explosion was closer than he expected it to be. Maybe heâs been standing in the radius of impact, waiting for the bomb to go off. And maybe your sleep deprived brain forgot the measure of protection, maybe it forgot he was standing there.
Because your eyes go round with fear, right as a drop of lead solidifies in Jungkookâs stomach.
âWhat?â he lets out.
What a stupid question to ask. He wants to beat himself up, because he knows.
He knows now that youâve been with someone else. Why else would you be surprised that he hasnât?
âIâm just sayingâŠâ you try, but itâs too late.
The bomb has gone off, and all thatâs left is rumbles.
âGet out,â Jungkook says, and somehow itâs lacking bite. Itâs lacking anger, lacking any signs that he cares for you.
It surprises even himself â doesnât he care? Or is there nothing left of him in the aftermath of the explosion?
âKook.â
âYouâve fucked someone else,â he states. When you donât say anything, just watch him in horror, he sits up in bed. âGet out.â
âCome on,â you let out this time, following him up. You wrap yourself in the blanket, his blanket, and he wants to rip it from your body. Doesnât want anything thatâs his to be in contact with you anymore. âIt didnât mean anything,â you say, and youâre suddenly blinking back tears. âIt was just one-time.â
âFrankly, I donât want to know,â Jungkook says, and he really doesnât. Doesnât want to think about another manâs hand on you, or heâll break.
Heâs done breaking for you.
You donât fight the tears, as you understand that the end really has come. At least thatâs what he thinks happens â you just sit there, gaze heavy with tears until they fall, little droplets that carry a world of regret.
After all, the distance really was enough to break you up, wasnât it?
Jungkook watches you, surprised that his heart is not clenching in his chest. No, he feels nothing as he watches you â heâs already cried enough for you.
âWe were broken up,â you murmur, holding his gaze. âItâs not like I cheated.â
At that he laughs, shaking his head. If you canât understand that heâs done, that he doesnât want to have anything to do with you anymore, then heâll do it the harsh way.
âI donât give a fuck,â he says. âI couldnât be with someone else. I tried, and you were all I could think of. AndâŠâ
âYou tried!â you interject. âYou tried and youâre giving me shit for it?â
He gets up, trying to put distance between you and him, as if thatâll make the fight easier.
âI still chose not to do it,â he coldly states. âThe girl was willing, she even kissed me andâŠâ
âYou kissed someone else?â
He laughs again, the absurdity of the situation dawning upon him. âYeah? Tae set me up on a date, and the girl kissed me at the end and I told her I couldnât. I didnât fuck someone else.â
The way heâs throwing the blame at you feels selfish, especially as more tears join those already sliding down your cheeks.
âHow is that fair, that youâre mad at me when you literally went on a date with someone else?â You pause, choking on a sob as you try to dry your cheeks. âCome on, Kook, it meant nothing.â
âWho did you fuck anyway?â he asks.
For a reason unknown, your tears stop. Entirely, there a moment and gone the next. âWhy do you want to know?â
He doesnât. He doesnât fucking want to know, and he scoffs as he runs a hand through his hair, pulling at the strands. âGet out,â he says again, still as stern and void of emotion.
âIt was Harrison,â you still say. âI switched departments because I didnât want to see him again after that.â
Now, thereâs an inkling of pain tickling the carcass of his dead heart. As if there was still more, for him to feel, even after everything. As if pain is but a constant of his life now, and he thinks maybe it is.
âYour colleague?â he repeats, dumbfounded.
Heâs met Harrison a couple of times, throughout your relationship. Heâs always thought the guy was decent, but now something very ugly settles deep in his core. Something that tells him, âHey, maybe heâs only ever wanted to fuck her, maybe he was waiting for his chanceâ.
The words are on a loop in his head, and he doesnât even think he can see you anymore. All that he sees is Harrison with his hands on you, in his ever-too creative mind.
He startles as you put a hand on his arm. He shrugs your grip off, steps away from you. âDonât fucking touch me.â
âKook, I swear, please listen to me,â you beg, and now youâre crying again.
He shakes his head. âI donât want to.â At that he shuts his eyes, runs a hand on his forehead and then through his hair. âI really donât want to. I donât want you to be here anymore.â
âIt didnât mean anything,â you say, an echo of something you said earlier. Though this time you say it differently, as if you too sensed the finality in Jungkookâs tone.
He doesnât think heâll ever want you to be around anymore. He was stupid to give you a chance after you broke his heart â you chose to break up, months ago. Why would it be different this time around?
âIt doesnât matter,â he tells you, as softly as he can. Because he knows youâll break even more, and some dark, twisted part of him is satisfied that this time, this time heâs the one with all the power over you. âIâm done, Y/n.â
The words sound like thunder, in all their calmness. In all their softness â or maybe that was the sound of your heart breaking. Whatever it was, Jungkook really is done. He wants you gone, wants to be able to break in the quiet peace of his home.
A home you arenât a part of anymore.
You nod. He expects you to fight more, but you nod. Choke out a sob, turn around, and start putting your clothes on. He figures he should dress too, so he does, picking up discarded items of clothing on the floor, not caring that they probably arenât clean. All that he cares about is to get you out of his apartment, out of his sight.
And when youâre ready, he walks you to the front door. Lets you say goodbye to Bam, a crushing parallel to the time youâve said goodbye in May. Bam still looks confused, and Jungkook feels bad, for a moment. Because you were the dogâs mother â heâs been looking for you ever since May. Jungkook can only hope that, this time around, Bam understands that itâs farewell.
When you straighten, you mutter an apology. Jungkook ignores it, holds your gaze expecting something to hurt, but heâs just empty. Empty and tired, and all he wants is to go back to sleep and to never wake up again.
âI canât let you go,â you let out, voice stark with pain.
He shrugs. âYou should have realized that in May.â
You close your eyes, and you look so fragile. Like glass â it never survives the shockwave of an explosion, doesnât it?
âPlease,â you beg. âLet me make it up to you.â
He laughs bitterly. âHow? Youâre going to go back in time and not get fucked by him? Youâre going to go back in time and not break up?â
You look like you want to curse him, and he almost wants you to. He wants you to fight, wants you to make him feel something other than this emptiness. Instead, you shake even more, sobs racking through you.
âI wish I could.â
âLeave.â
âJungkook, I swear,â you insist. âLetâs not lose each other over this.â
He wets his lips, tongue pushing in the inside of his cheek next. âWeâve lost each other already. Itâs time we realize that we have.â
And that does it. You fall silent, defeat washing over you like a tsunami wave â thereâs nothing left after its passage, and you look tired, sick, standing there right next to the door.
âIâm so sorry,â you apologize again.
He shrugs. âItâs whatever. The past is the past.â
You look like you want to say something else, but somehow you remain silent. Somehow you look at him for a time, bloodshot eyes taking in his features as if itâs the last time youâll ever see him again. He surprises himself by doing it too, mostly by instinct. Because right now, looking at you makes him want to be sick, but he knows that it wonât last.
He knows that the echo of pain in the distance is a good indicator that he still has it in him to break for you. That heâll break for you forever, perhaps. Because he doesnât think that thereâs an end to you and him. Itâs always going to be a cycle, and itâll never end well.
âGoodbye, Jungkook,â you murmur.
He offers you a tight-lipped smile. âGoodbye.â
All he can do is hope you know it means farewell.
Thursday, October 5th
               You used to love fall. The cooler weather, the long walks that smell like soil and fallen leaves and pumpkins. Nowadays, you hate fall.
You hate it because he loved it, and every reminder of him is poison to you. And though the season is still early, the days are getting shorter, and the longer the night, the more you drown in thoughts.
You havenât slept in weeks. Have barely eaten too, and youâve been off from work for a week. Itâs allowed you to stay in, to just sit and try to breathe, hoping that itâll help.
That itâll fix something thatâs never going to be fixed.
Youâre lost. Lost in a town that used to be your home, lost in memories that used to be beauty brought to life â now, youâre seeing the ugliness in beauty. Because beauty is temporary, and like all temporary things in life it doesnât last long enough. Beauty, and the ending temporality of it, leaves nothing when it goes but a bitter taste in mouth.
Perhaps thatâs why you havenât been able to eat properly.
You havenât spoken to anyone, since the early morning he asked you to leave. Yet for some reason, youâve felt the need to go outside today. To walk around, aimlessly perhaps, but you couldnât stay inside a second longer. Too many tears were shed in your apartment, and you hoped the cool weather would help you feel better.
It does, a little. Because you feel like youâre breathing him in every time you inhale, and then carry him out on an exhale. You feel close to him, in a distant way thatâs bound to only make you break harder tonight, but right now you canât bring yourself to care. You do hate the reminders of him, but you need them. Viscerally, as he was the oxygen in your lungs for so long.
Youâre going to have to learn how to live without him, one step at a time.
So you take another step, let your instinct carry you where you have to go. Maybe it knows how to heal.
The sun is descending in the sky, and the absence of clouds lead to a sea of azure youâd swim in if you could. Youâd soar up high, so high that there isnât oxygen anymore, and maybe then the pain would cease. Youâd ride a sunray into the night, where youâd finally be able to fall into a well-deserved slumber.
As you look up, a tiny bird flies across the sky, a small speck of brown that goes so fast you think you imagine it. Like the years with him â they went by so quickly, the crushing wheel of time spinning down the slope towards the end.
Seven years ago, almost to the day, you kissed him on a hotel roof lost in Chicago, under clouds painted with fire. Who knew seven years later youâd be trying to live without him, clearly failing at it.
You sigh, pushing the thought away as you reach a crossing. You wait for the light to turn green, then follow the parallel white lines across the road. You avoid a pile of leaves, though a strong gust of wind makes some of them swirl around you, spinning like Mother Natureâs tiny dancers.
The foliage in the trees along the street is golden and red, bright colours that look out of place in the bleakness of your heart. You follow them, wonder if they know that they are about to die. The answer is one youâll never have, and so you walk under the trees, the autumn breeze playing with your hair.
You donât know where your steps have been carrying you. Youâve long gone past the places you usually go to, heading towards the middle of the city. The no manâs land between you and Jungkook, spread wide in a maze of streets you want to get lost in.
So you do. You press on, walk until the sun becomes a ball of melted gold nearing the horizon, and itâs on the corner of a street that a glint in a vitrine catches your eyes.
You eye the rings, crafted by an expert hand. Bands of gold, with diamonds and emeralds and gems you donât know the name of. They look expensive, elegant, and you wonder if you would have had a ring on your finger one day, bought by him.
Recklessly, you walk into the shop, wishing to peruse its vitrines, hoping theyâll offer you dreams to survive the night. And you can almost see it â a ring on your finger, a proposal under a star-sprinkled sky, an intimate wedding for you and him. A dance, always and forever, of love shared like a secret in the night. Your secret, as the end would have one day come for you and him, an eternity of life later. You would have been old and grey, yet your love would have been young and eternal.
In this dream, he would have never taken the job overseas. Youâd have stayed here, together, growing old by his side. You would have gotten more dogs, maybe even a cat, and youâd have lived happily ever after.
You wonder if, in a parallel universe to yours, the dream is unfolding. If parallel-universe you has the chance to experience it, and you think she does. You think she does, and the love is so strong itâs shaking through universes, picking you up like youâre just a leaf in an autumn wind.
Because why else, then, do you find yourself buying a gold band? Too big for you, masculine in its simplicity. Something you think he would have worn, had you been in that other universe.
You sit on a bench outside, after, as the last of the sunlight finally fades away, replaced by a blue dusk that matches your mood far better than the sun ever could. You have no idea where you are in the city, no will to brave the trek back home â youâve been out for hours at this point.
You grab your phone, long forgotten in your purse. You havenât touched it all day, and to your surprise youâve received a couple of texts while you were walking, all by the same person.
[04:37 pm] Jimin: hey, this is going to sound crazy [04:37 pm] Jimin: and Iâm really sorry to be telling u this [04:37 pm] Jimin: can u go check on JK? [04:38 pm] Jimin: heâs been unreachable for days and at this point I think heâll only talk to u
You want to text him back to fuck off, to leave you alone, yet you hold on tighter to the velvety box in which the gold band hides. After all, even if youâve received the texts hours ago, youâre realizing perhaps that thatâs where your steps have been leading you anyway.
Itâs stupid â he asked you to leave. Hasnât contacted you once since then, and itâs like the wedding and the week after never happened. Like youâve been broken up for months, like you barely know him anymore. Heâs a stranger now, in your life, something youâd never thought heâd become someday.
And why would he talk to you? Why would he want you in his vicinity, when he made it clear as spring water that he was done, that the end had come to pass between you and him?
But if the end has come, why is that youâve been feeling like youâre surrounded by him, today? Like youâll always be â just a drop of water in the sea of him. Perhaps you are weak, to feel for him the way that you do, but seven years ago, the cataclysm that started you and him shook you, and its repercussions are still felt today. Will be felt until your dying breath, until all thatâs left of you is stardust.
So you let your feet carry you, weightless in the way that youâre moving forward. Like you are once again but a leaf carried by the wind, and you can only hope that itâll let you land in the right place.
You donât really know how you make it to his building. Perhaps you were closer than you initially thought you were â all that you know is that you recognize the building, and that you sense his proximity through the walls.
Your heart reaches for him, longs for him in a way you canât ignore anymore. Because youâve been dead, without him. Just a shell of what you should be, of what you want to be. Because yes, you could learn to live without him. After everything that youâve been through, you know well enough that you are strong enough to do it.
But you donât want it. You want that dream youâve found in the jewelry shop, want to make it possible. Want to prove that, no matter who would ever get close to you, heâll always be the owner of your heart.
So you walk in. Reach the elevator, press on the call button. Then on the fourth floor, reminiscing the night you rode the elevator in his company, right before the fall. The new fall, a harshest one that made you reach those low levels of hell that living without him are consisted of.
You awaken when you are standing in front of his door. You think you can almost hear him inside, moving around through his home. You wonder if he can hear your heartbeat, where youâre standing. If he too can tell that youâre nearby once again, even though you shouldnât have been.
Even though farewells have come to pass between you and him.
You donât knock. You donât have to. To your surprise, the door opens in front of you, slowly, before youâve even managed to raise your arm to knock. Then his voice fills your ear, as he tells Bam to wait. You just stand there, dumbfounded, and then his eyes move from the floor to your face, and his mouth falls open.
Bam jumps on you, tail wagging wildly as you take a step back from the force of impact. You pet him on the head, pushing him back to the floor as you try to focus on Jungkook.
And then it dawns upon you that you have no clue what to tell him. You reckon you maybe should have prepared something in advance, because youâre wordless standing in front of him.
âHey,â you eventually say, and you think the world has time to revolve around the sun three times before you manage to say something else. âHow are you?â
His mouth slowly shuts, and you watch his Adamâs apple bob as he swallows. He pulls on Bamâs leash, tells the dog to sit, before he finally addresses you. Just your name, and the way he says it make it sound formal, like youâre just a stranger.
âWhat are you doing here?â he asks after another moment.
You look down at your hands. At the box youâre holding, and his eyes follow after you. âI was thinking of you, today,â you admit.
He sighs, and his eyes shut. âYou were?â
You nod as he meets your gaze again. âWhen am I not?â Your comment doesnât ask for a response, and he doesnât offer you one either. âJimin told me youâve been unreachable.â
âYeah,â he lets out. âIâve been busy.â
âOh.â You try to look behind him, as if youâll find his reason to be busy there. âCan I talk to you?â
He says your name, this time like an apology. âI told you we were done.â
You shrug. âI know.â You gulp, fingers playing with the velvet box as if itâll help ground you. âCan I walk Bam with you, then?â
He looks conflicted but he gives in. Says yes in a defeated way that rips your heart from your chest, in a way that makes you cling to the ring box even more, hoping that itâll offer you salvation.
Being outside in the early fall evening with him feels like the Earth has finally returned to its normal axis. You donât say anything, unable to find the words, and he remains silent too. You just enjoy his company, watching over Bam as he sniffs at plants before peeing on a pole.
Stars are twinkling in the sky up above. The breeze is still soft tonight, caressing your features in a gentle embrace that resembles the one heâd used to offer you, though itâs far colder than his. You spare a glance at him â heâs already looking, and he doesnât look away as your gazes connect.
âWhat are you doing here?â he asks again.
You wet your lips. âI donât know,â you admit. âIâve been thinking about you.â
âHow is that an explanation?â A shrug of your shoulders is all the answer he gets. He scoffs, shakes his head slightly, and then his head turns toward the door of his building. âI have hot chocolate inside,â he tells you, once again sounding defeated. âDo you want a cup?â
Turns out salvation wasnât to be found in the velvet box youâre holding, but in the gentle angles of Jungkookâs features, behind his big doe eyes that will forever feel like home to you.
âI donât want to intrude,â you tell him, voice soft. âI just wanted to⊠talk.â
âThen letâs talk over a cup of hot chocolate,â he says.
Which is what you do. You follow him in, feeling like youâre out of place in his life. Like heâs only giving this to you because of what you used to be to one another. Yet you donât care. Youâre slowly finding words, your brain shaping them into sentences to change an ending you canât come to terms with.
Jungkook prepares the hot chocolate in silence, as you sit at his small dinner table. You play with Bam as he does so, a game of tug-of-war that youâre bound to lose as the dog is far stronger than you. Yet you still indulge, as youâve missed Bam far more than you even thought possible.
The game is only interrupted when Jungkook rests a cup of steaming hot chocolate on the table next to you. You let Bam go, and the dog trots away to go play somewhere else, you can only assume.
âWhat did you want to talk about?â
Youâve left the ring box on the table. Youâve noticed Jungkook glancing at it repeatedly since youâve put it there, and you worry at your bottom lip.
âI wanted to apologize again, for what itâs worth,â you answer. âI felt horrible when it happened, and just wanted to forget all about it.â
His features turn harsh, and his eyes drop into the cup of hot chocolate heâs nursing for himself. It reminds you of a cafĂ©, of a conversation you had years ago, that led to you opening up to him, and to him opening up to you.
âI love you,â you continue. âI havenât stopped loving you, and if Iâd known that breaking up would hurt so much, I wouldâve fought harder. I wish I had, and I wish Iâd never let you go.â
âBut you didâŠâ he says when you remain silent for a few seconds.
âBut I did. And I understand if you hate me for it. If you donât want to ever see me again. But shit, youâre the only thing that Iâve been able to think about. Just you, and everything that could have been, had I been stronger.â
You grab the cup of hot chocolate, the warmth of it slowly seeping through your cold fingers. For the next few minutes, you donât say anything, and neither does he. You just drink the hot chocolate, hoping youâll find more words to say at the bottom of the cup.
âThe distance was hard,â Jungkook eventually says. âI donât blame you for wanting to end things over it.â
It surprises you. Makes your brain go entirely empty, and you just watch him with wide eyes for a few seconds.
He shrugs as you donât say anything. âWhat?â He looks down, tongue darting out to play with his piercings. âIâve been thinking about everything too.â
âYeah?â
He nods. âI over-reacted, when you told me you had sex with Harrison,â he admits.
Totally not expecting the conversation to take this turn, youâre stunned silent.
âI was shocked, and needed time to process,â he continues. âYou were right, the fact that I went on a full-on date is just as bad, differently. We were broken up, we didnât owe each other anything.â
As much as it pains you to agree, you still do, nodding your head. âWe didnât.â
He purses his lips, holds your gaze for a few seconds before glancing down at his cup. The silence is more comfortable now, as you think maybe, maybe then the dream youâve dreamed about isnât just a distant mirage of what could have once been. Itâs foolish, but you canât help it.
You think your heart is beating for the first time since you left that morning weeks ago.
âDid you want to speak about anything else?â he asks after heâs taken a long sip of his hot chocolate.
You take a deep breath, and somehow courage finds you on the long exhale. âI donât want us to be over.â
You think you hear him gulp. âYou donât?â
Blinking away a few tears, you shake your head no. âI really donât. I walked around all day today, and all I could think about was you. All I could think of was all the years between us, from when we met to a few weeks ago. And I donât know, I refuse to accept that the end has come.â
âWhen does it come, then?â he asks.
âWhen the end comes?â
He nods.
âAfter years and years,â you say, allowing yourself to voice your dream. âHopefully after weâve had years to live together. After weâve gotten married, and maybe even after weâve had kids. Not that I want some.â You pause, and you look down at the table, unable to carry the weight of his gaze anymore. âOr maybe after weâve had plenty of dogs, a cat or two. After weâve had a house with a white picket fence, after weâve danced under a thousand different night skies.â A tear rolls on your cheek, and you do nothing to stop it. âAfter weâve travelled the world together, after weâve had a chance to live, together.â
âAnd what happens after weâve lived together?â he presses.
You shrug. âThen we die together. Then we turn into stardust and memories. I donât care. As long as itâs with you, I donât care what happens to me.â
Blurry behind the wall of tears in your eyes, you see Jungkook run a hand through his hair. âYou donât?â
âI donât,â you echo. âI just want to get to love you.â
At that you do cry. And not just a little bit. Your heart longs and yearns for him, reaching in the space between you, trying to find a beat to sync with. You wipe your cheeks dry with trembling hands, before pressing the heel of your palms on your eyes, hoping to stop the cascade at the source.
âItâs a nice dream,â Jungkook says after the few minutes it takes you to collect yourself, your hands falling to the table.
âIs it?â
He nods. âYeah. I donât think weâd do a white picket fence though. Iâve always found cedar trees make a better fence.â
Something stirs inside of you, and you want to take a hold of him, and to never let go. âYeah?â
He sits back in the chair, looks up to the ceiling as he blinks away the silver in his own gaze. You wonder if heâs crying because he saw you cry, as the sympathetic crier that he is, or because he shares the emotions in your heart.
âWhere would you want to get married?â he asks then.
You push the velvet box towards him. âThis is for you.â
He doesnât acknowledge this, instead repeating the question.
âSomewhere in the countryside,â you answer. âMaybe the cottage where it all started.â You think about Julys of a world ago. âUnder the night sky.â
âPeople donât usually get married when itâs already dark.â
âRight,â you let out. âThen weâd have a ceremony for just us two when itâs dark outside.â
At that he grabs the box, opening it. You reckon he must have known what the content was, because he doesnât say anything as he takes it out. As he tries to put it on his finger, though it doesnât fit. Itâs too tight, and it makes him chuckle, a sad sound that almost kills you on the spot.
âDo you think weâd dance under the stars?â he asks as he turns the gold band in his fingers, and light glimmers on it.
âYes,â you say, nodding your head. âWe always would.â
âSo you came all the way here to tell me this?â
He meets your gaze again, for the first time in a while. He looks struck with emotion, much like you feel â the depths of his eyes are swirling with love and ache and yearning. You fall forward, fall in his eyes, trying to find home again.
âI came here to ask you to marry me,â you finally say, as it dawns upon you that, yes, your steps were leading you to this all along. âJungkook, will you marry me?â
He smiles, a world of sadness etched in the sweet curve of his lips. âCan it be this easy?â
You shut your eyes. âIt can. Please. Letâs not lose what we have again.â
âWhen would you like to get married?â he asks.
âAre you saying yes?â
He plays with his piercing, takes a deep breath as he chases tears away from his gaze but to no avail. You watch the two drops as they slowly roll down his face. âWhen would you like to get married?â
âIn July,â you answer easily.
âNext year?â
You nod.
He holds your gaze for a few seconds more, then looks at the gold band again. His fist closes around it, slowly, as if heâll be able to crush it in his hold. For what you donât know. All that you know is that his features grow tortured, pained. It doesnât last long â another deep breath later the expression is gone.
âI need to tell you something,â he says then, his voice so small you can barely hear it.
You prepare yourself. As well as you can, expecting the blow before it comes. You sense it â in the eternity it takes for him to speak again, you see every moment of you and him before this day, your life flashing before your eyes as if youâre about to die.
And then he says it a first time. At first you donât even understand the words, as if heâs speaking a foreign language. So you let out, âWhat?â, hoping that it will change the cruelty that this world holds.
But nothing can, after the end has come. Nothing, especially not as he repeats the words, softly, their meaning tainting the dream youâve just painted with him, until all thatâs left of it is a bitter aftertaste in your mouth.
âIâm permanently moving to South Korea.â
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I'm sorry for the angst, for the cliffhanger, for them to be so stubborn and for how life is working against them now. I hope you don't hate me too much after this :') let me know what you think of this chapter!
All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.
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#VISUAL REPRESENTATION OF THE CHAPTER#ONE MORE#THEY HAVE TO BE ENDGAME#when the end comes ch 4#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader
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brighter days ahead
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jjk art#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk leaks#nobara kugisaki#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 268#im sobbing about them its 1am and my hand hurts#but ive got more in me i havent been this happy n hopeful in so LONG#HES BACK#THEYRE ALL BACK#we might b okay guys it might all b ok .... :'>>>>>#im ignoring the minor salt abt all of yuuji's scars being Gone#like im happy he has both eyes n all that#but what can i say id gotten a bit attached to the new look :<<<#n my yuuji injury list is out th window hgdfghjkgd everything ive drawn is now inACCURATE CRIES#i predicted megumi having a scar on th Other side....yuuji now has his depth perception back........sighs#shoko is too good at her job gdi#all of this is /lh btw the loss of scars is small price to pay !!!!!megumi is BACK and SMILING and they all r gna b ok i believe :')#home stretch we r in endgame they can make it this is OUR jujutsu kaisen first year believers
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I would love to read about Xadenâs early mornings working in the saddle with Tairn's grumpy ass (extra grumpy since it was probably extra early).
My sweet boy was leading a revolution, had the lives of every marked one on his back, on top of this own responsibilities as a third year and wing leader and he found the time to deal with a big ass dragon that doesnât particularly like him and find a way for Violet to ride, stay in her sit, because she deserved to be a rider just as much (if not more) than the others. I love him so much
#fourth wing#iron flame#xaden riorson the man you are#the man you are#violet and xaden#the empyrean#romantasy#violence sorrengail#riorgail#i love them your honor#they are so so in love#Tairn and Xaden#they have to be endgame#they are my favourite couple
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if annabeth had been taken by juno instead you know perfectly well she wouldâve remembered percy. bc percy was the first to acknowledge her as a person and not a warrior or an error. the only reason juno didnât take annabeth was because percy wouldâve pulled a ârage of achillesâ type shit
#do NOT slander my woman#annabeth chase is a beauty and nothing less#percabeth is endgame guys#percy jackson#pjo#no one does it like them#i love them your honour#darlings#percabeth headcanon#percabeth#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo tv#percy and annabeth#annabeth and percy#annabeth chase#annabeth pjo#annabeth percy jackson#annabeth x percy#percy jackson series#the last olympian#the lost hero#the son of neptune#annabeth#annabeth chase is my beloved and i will defend her with my life if i have to
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i hate the âdeserveâ shit with characters to begin with like sthu. âafter all theyve been thruâŠ. after all the good theyve doneâ i dont give a fuck man they are not real. u know who is real? me. u know what i deserve? good fiction.
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So cute đ„°đ„°đ„°đ„°đ„°
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To anyone who wants to talk shit about bad story/character development in Deadpool & Wolverine CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP! I CAME TO SEE 2 HOURS OF DEADPOOL MAKING META & SEX JOKES AND HAVING HOMOEROTIC TENSION WITH WOLVERINE AND MARVEL DELIVERED EXACTLY THAT
#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#deadpool 3#I donât care if the story isnât endgame-levels of angst or whatever#you know guys just because the MCU isnât doing well doesnât mean they had to release another Endgame esque movie for redemption#MAYBE I JUST WATCHED IT FOR A GOOD TIME#AND NOTHING ELSE#ISNT THAT CRAZY#but yeah I loved the movie#wolverine#genuinely though the movie couldâve been 2 hours of gay sex and not much would have changed#I came to see deadpool & wolverine and got Deadpool & wolverine#for once#true advertising#loved this movie#WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK#also cassandra nova#can we talk about her?#I like her#I like how VIOLATING she was#cassandra nova
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y'know, the different factions of spn fandom on tumblr do fundamentally and vehemently disagree with each other about a lot of things, and many of the factions actively hate one another, but i just want to say for the record that i appreciate the fact that this site is not overrun with painfully hetero facebook fans. i just saw someone over there saying with their whole chest that they fully expected the finale to have dean meeting jo harvelle in heaven and them getting afterlife married, and someone else angrily responded that this was obviously never going to happen because clearly dean was still in love with lisa braeden who would therefore be his finale bride (i guess this person expected her to die in the finale somehow?), and then someone ELSE responded that they wouldn't want to see either of those things happen because they like to pretend dean is their boyfriend and it would feel like cheating(!!!!) if he ended up with one of them and they'd never be able to fantasize about him anymore. and all of these comments had over a dozen people agreeing with them.
#occasionally i venture onto facebook to see if my uncle has sent me a message#because he never got the hang of whatsapp#and there's almost always some recommended spn group at the top of my feed#today i happened to glance at the comments#truly next level amounts of delusional heteronormative nonsense honestly#even if you want to make the deeply faulty argument that dean is straight (lol)#how is anyone out there watching him not mention either of those characters for multiple years#and still believe wholeheartedly that they were his endgame love interest#the self-shipper who needs him to remain single in the show in order to have their little fantasies is a whole other issue tbh#fandom problems#idk is this#wank adjacent#???#i guess i'm being kinda judgy#oh well#i stand by my thoughts here#fandom: supernatural
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