#they have a very… particular way of seeing HL

[twopoppies]

.

[extremely-judgemental]

I hated Cassian long before Nesta came into the picture. With SF, since it’s his narration, I hoped it would make me like him. Boy, was I wrong. Here are my reasons.

Cassian has a terrible childhood. He grows up in a camp where the adults are abusive and children are pitted against one another. He has to fight, bet and win supplies from other kids to survive. Until Rhysand’s mother takes him in. His life then takes a drastic turn and becomes far more bearable. Cassian’s basic needs such as shelter, clothing and food are taken care by Rhysand and his mother who live in a magical house that caters to them, while the other kids are scavenging for the same at the end of the day.

If you can’t confer this from the little we know about Cassian’s early life, I don’t think you will understand the rest below.

This is a huge privilege Cassian enjoys but never realises. No one else in the camp is ever subjected to this mercy. Cassian’s behaviour or view doesn’t change after experiencing the shift first hand and still carries the victim mentality after five centuries.

This is shown from the way he and Rhysand treat Azriel. He’s older than the two. He has no experience flying or fighting which is a common knowledge and everyone in the camp considers an ‘embarrassment’. Also, he has scar marks on his hands which are very obvious indication of his prior life. He chooses to learn to fly on his own, away from everyone because of the humiliation. Cassian admits, without remorse to the point of boasting about it, to seeking him out, beating Azriel up, and mocking him. This doesn’t happen in a training pit where they have no choice but to fight. Cassian then offers to help him learn, which is very similar to the ‘reach your hand’ tactic he uses with Nesta later.

He is clearly abusive to Azriel, a boy who’s been traumatised by his half-brothers, without a reason. None of his previous excuses of survival apply here as he doesn’t need it. The next day, Rhysand joins him.

A little tangent, I’m still convinced a little that both of them only chose to help this particular boy because of his shadowsinger abilities. They just didn’t want anyone else to get to him first. In the one year in between, they never took anyone under their wing. If they had truly wanted to help, they could have done very well without the abuse. Mocking I understand since it’s a hostile environment of young boys.

Azriel accepts them as friends which is often used as an explanation for Cassian/Rhysand’s good intentions. His own family treated him like a prisoner, his brothers torturing him whenever they pleased. He’s never met anyone outside the ones chosen by his family or known kindness in his life. He doesn’t see this as abuse because he wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong. He accepts the two boys who beat him to pulp and then ‘help’ him because they are comparatively better than his true brothers who burned his hands for a laugh. It doesn’t make Cassian/Rhysand a better person.

Coming back to Cassian’s privileges. Rhysand is the heir of HL of NC. Other kids could hate him and beat him up in training but no one would threaten his life even if he hadn’t been the strongest. Illyrians may defy Rhysand and his family, but no one is stupid enough to kill one of them. Now, Cassian is literally adopted by the heir and Lady of NC. He reaps all of these benefits through his arrangement whether he admits or not, and through the whole year before he and Rhysand become friends until Azriel’s arrival.

After Rhysand becomes HL, Cassian is made his War General. Sure, he is powerful, and his seven siphons and the Carynthian status prove it. But in the eyes of other soldiers, he’s the one Rhysand favoured over them because they are best friends. It’s a common mentality in such situations and Cassian doesn’t try to prove himself to them.

Illyrians live only in Illyria and in bands. Cassian moved to Velaris when he’s a War General and expected to live among them. While the other Generals and Lords take care of these people, he lives in a secret city and only visits these camps for appearances. He doesn’t own a place here as he always stays at the same Windhaven house, also considering he doesn’t own one in Velaris either. He essentially strips himself away from their core identity and traditions while expecting them to respect him as their own when he lives like a prince since Rhysand.

He also destroys an entire camp avenging his mother right after he becomes a warrior.

During Amarantha’s reign, he’s in Velaris while Illyria is suffering. Since some of the bands are allied with Amarantha, they must have known Cassian and Azriel weren’t UtM, letting them believe IC has truly abandoned their people. Immediately after her death, the three hunt the rest of these bands and kill them instead of giving a proper justice/punishment. After all this, he expects them to obey his commands in a war without questioning him.

In the 500 years, he does nothing to change the lives of these people. There are few mentions of banning wing clipping which is not enforced though. He could have improved the lives of young boys by advocating for better conditions—hostels, proper meals, and clothes without having to fight each other for it, maybe a few new rules for this brutal training. But none of it. He hands out blankets in winter to his people. Given how much Rhysand and Feyre boast about their wealth, they could ration out these provisions for everyone every month or year instead of making it look like charity from Cassian.

In 500 years, he manages to start a female fight club which garnered like. . .20 women (iirc). It’s obvious it was just a plot leading to Valkriyes and for Nesta’s arc. Even then, these women are doing chores and then training. He berates the men around these women, provoking them and returning to Velaris, leaving them to endure more hatred/violence from their people.

He literally doesn’t do anything of importance. He trains, bullies, and picks fights. His dream to reform his race is pathetic since he literally does nothing.

And then there’s Morrigan situation. Everyone makes it sound like a favour he did to her. Cassian could have denied her. He did it only to hurt Azriel and tear the two apart. He admits to his jealousy, and to his regret which he feels after he gets what he wants. And he so vividly describes how the sex goes. This is how far this regret extends. Playing buffer means being in the same room as them so the situation doesn’t get out of hand, or interrupting the conversion to keep it comfortable. But he flirts with Morrigan knowing it hurts Azriel and exchanges inappropriate gifts with her in front of everyone including his mate.

I’m not going to get into the whole SF disaster here. But, there’s one scene in MAF where they visit the Archeron’s estate for the first time. Cassian has so much empathy for the Illyrian women doing chores in the camps but doesn’t extend the same to Nesta who had been doing it since their mother died (or at least after they lost their servants) and their family fell into poverty. He understands the struggles of being poor and his heart breaks for Feyre who once starved but not Nesta and Elain who must have gone through the same too.

Cassian is not a villain in anyone’s story but he’s a man child and bully. He’s a classic abuser whose targets and methods constantly evolve. He’s a hypocrite. He states how grateful he is to Rhysand but not to the perks he enjoys every single day. He loves to play the victim while abusing and hurting the ones around him. He loves to exercise his power and authority while pretending to be an underdog. Illyria being a fucked up place filled with cruel people is just an excuse for Cassian to be cruel. It’s a cover up for how ugly he truly is.

[ladydeath-vanserra]

in all seriousness, Beron in the HL Meeting was so interesting to read. One of the things I've always enjoyed about fae in literature is how they use words as weapons, when they know what to say, how to say it to get the reaction they want

as instigative and callous as Beron was in the HL Meeting, he raised legitimate questions. even if he was a dickhead while he did it.

judging by his first response to Feyre, he does not believe them. Beron is very old. He's *seen* Rhys in action. He *knows* Rhys' father. He *knows* Keir. Beron reads like a very old school fae

Look at how Lucien speaks. He speaks in an almost poetic "Gentry Fae" way. Eris speaks in a very similar way. It'd stand to reason they got this particular trait from their upbringing with Beron as a father

Beron, who is very old, who has seen Rhys in all his evil mask-ery with his apartheid state court, who he was UtM with, who knew Rhys' father and was political allies with Keir, why *would* he believe that Rhys is actually this progressive and just and good fae male. why *would* he believe that Rhys was her victim all along. it fits a rather convenient time frame

I am not reading Beron "making fun of Rhys being raped". I am reading a cruel and capricious *faerie* toying with someone who has a long history of being a *liar*

He has a point in that ofc Feyre, who gave the name of an innocent girl, who is now in a relationship with the man who sexually assaulted her, isn't exactly a reliable source of information. *Why* would he believe her

I am not reading Beron making fun of Rhys being raped with the "who knew a cock could be so persuasive". I am reading a cruel faerie looking at a set of circumstances that conveniently leaves Rhys' hands clean of the deaths of a dozen kids

all they have to go on is Rhys' word. He doesn't even provide a name of the Daemati who Amarantha set after them. Beron is very old. I don't exactly see him as someone who is gonna just *trust* what Rhys has to say when he also has alliances with Keir in the CoN, who aren't allowed out from underneath that mountain or into Velaris

Why *would* he believe him when Rhys has a five hundred year old track record of being evil incarnate in the Night Court

Yes. I find it hilarious, in a very entertained way, of reading a cruel and capricious old faerie high lord poke and prod at someone he does not believe because he has no reason To believe him. It reads like a cat playing with a mouse, to me. Like dragging the actual truth out of Rhys (granted we know it's the truth. doesn't mean Beron does). Is it okay? OBVIOUSLY NOT

that doesn't mean I didn't find it interesting and enjoyable to read

@kateprincessofbluewhales

[heavenpierceher]

just played portal 2 for the first time yes somehow ive never played it before. reposting my thoughts as i played here:

I fucking hate wheatley. Little white cuck ball

As i understand it wheatley turns out to be like Secretly Evil later or whatever but like he’s so blatantly passive aggressive and casually shitty to you that i don’t see how anyone didn’t go okay fuck this guy immediately. Like he’s clearly acting as a sort of arm of aperture itself which constantly bombards you with like jokingly ableist/eugenicist/classist/misogynistic shit

like the juxtaposition of him being a huge asshole because he thinks you have brain damage and the announcer being like ‘ok if you’re old or stupid go back to your Primitive Tribe so we can have Good Subjects for Progress’ is 110% deliberate

also him assuming the person who killed glados was male LMAO

I want glados so bad

Some arasaka tower shit is happening to me

My psionic warriors find me art of chell dribbling and dunking wheatley like a basketball

Glados wants me so bad

my coworker losing his mindddddd 😂 😂 😂

I’m finding these puzzles easier than portal 1 but like in a good way. more intuitive

Also this has almost certainly been said before at length but god valve is so so so good at environmental design

HL is really good too obviously but it really shines in portal where they get to play with contrasts

the really harsh visual contrast between all of portal and the escape stages and the fact that you can see hints of it before it happens. chefs kiss

Single biggest visual improvement: the scary fucked up water that kills you

Yeah I do wish id played this earlier LMAO

glados hums me beautiful songs

I’m imagining that literally none of this is landing for chell like she doesn’t care. and/or glados is just making shit up and so chell also doesn’t care

wheres the dev thing where they were like ‘chell doesn’t talk because she’s just fucking pissed’

She's literally obsessed with me

Genuinely why does anyone like wheatley I'm gonna crush this little shit like a soda can

Guy accuses a woman who has literally never spoken to him or responded to a thing hes said of being bossy

At least the ways in which cave johnson sucks are really funny

i was talking about how wheatley is kind of a stand-in for aperture as an entity and i think cj is a continuation of that. like the above screenshot lines up as being an evolution of cj’s distaste for the ‘lab boys’ and ‘bean counters’; a top-down disdain for the people actually making ‘progress’ possible and keeping things running

me when i have 60 dollars

Valve in particular has a way of making its social commentary so pointed and over the top that its funniness almost but not quite overshadows the point it’s making. In a good way let me be clear

Like it’s so ridiculous you almost forget it’s criticizing/interrogating real phenomena that it’s honestly not depicting that absurdly because everything is very very intentional

i like the idea of chell being like. essentially an ordinary uninvolved person as much as she can be just thematically. glados is petty in the way that humans are petty, she chooses insults that are like… low-hanging fruit because of the environment she was cultivated in, so i think it’s both funnier and more thematically resonant if chell is like. Not even a little bit emotionally affected by glados fucking with her she’s just like Get me out of hereeeeee

A lot of people’s theories about this game seem to rely on glados being truthful which is fucking hilarious

woman who is making shit up to fuck with you: I am making shit up to fuck with you gamers: goly FUCK theory #CONFIRMED?????????????

aw hell no not the aperture science ejaculation gel

Wheatley can you quit jacking off over mic. Genuinely discusses me I hope he explodes

I do not want him to experience pleasure in any form much less as a result of my actions

The fucked up turretcubes are very cute though. Like hermitcrabs

Oh hey it’s the part where he kills me

this is a really good visual gag

Genuinely how does anyone admit to wanting to fuck wheatley how is that not an incredibly embarrassing thing to admit to

how sexist the adventure sphere is was funny and again it is not common for me to say that. valve just knows what they're doing

She’s holding my hand…

Rent free in her fucking head

Rent. Free.

Literally obsessed with me.

I don’t think it’s supposed to do this but it’s on a black screen with no options and has been for like five minutes and i sat there for the entire five minutes like ‘wow this is so poignant…’

Anyway yeah that kicked ass

[maybeiwasjustjade]

The Tragedy that is the Vanserra family

*I just want to preface this by saying that I’m well aware that this might be a controversial opinion. My issue is simply with how that particular pairing was written, because clearly not a lot of thought was put into it when SJM changed canon to fit this pairing in. This was also not written with the intention of victim blaming. Only that this plot genuinely sucks ass because it makes everyone out as uglier than need be.

For such minor characters (sans Lucien, and Eris to an extent), the dynamics SJM has blessed us with paints such an interesting family coated in absolute tragedy. It also doesn’t help that almost all of it was seen through Feyre’s pov—who’s not exactly reliable nor capable of introspection most times.

All we know so far of Beron and his relationship with his children amounts to:

Aside from Helion and Rhysand, Beron’s the only HL that was active during the war 500 years ago.

He abuses his wife, though when it started is still ???

He routinely tortures Eris, and more than likely all his remaining children

He LOATHES Lucien

And it’s so easy to paint Beron as this needlessly cruel, manipulative 2D bastard who only exists to cause pain and carnage over everyone that breathes near him. The male tortures his children and sentenced one of them to death for falling in love with someone ‘lesser’—that alone makes him the worst male to come out of acotar by a landslide.

But there’s an art to Beron’s cruelty that SJM could have fun with. Routinely siccing and manipulating his children against each other, forever ensuring that they’d be too busy fighting and hating each other over him so that they’d be unable to overthrow him. And maybe he does have his reasons. Maybe he thinks that this is the only way possible to raise an heir that would be ruthless and merciless enough to overthrow him and destroy his competitors—probably the same thing Beron did to claim his throne. And if the children are too busy with each other to go after him…all the better.

Show them no compassion. Torture all the disobedience out of them to make them strong. Pit them against each other to please him. Heinous tactics, but evidently it works when Eris and Lucien are the results of it.

But this dynamic only works if that was who Beron is, and how he was raised to be. I don’t suppose we’ll ever really know, not unless a large chunk of Lucien’s future storyline revolves around his roots in Autumn. But knowing sjm and how dirty she did Spring, Lucien’s arc will be about Day.

But back to Beron and the LoA:

Curious how the LoA is still nameless, but SJM purposely and canonically provided a timeline to show how much of a poor victim the LoA is. I want to make it clear that I am not condoning the abuse the LoA is facing from Beron. I don’t think anyone deserves to be abused or tortured the way Berons does his family, nor will anything justify it.

However, I am side-eyeing the way she WROTE Helion and LoA’s affair. I think what she little she wrote yet specifically gave painted them both as absolute fucking morons.

Canonically, we have no idea if Beron knows without doubt that Lucien isn’t his. Hell, we have no proof that he even knew about Helion at all; only that Helion certainly believes so, and what Feyre perceives as the truth. And that truth is ugly.

My opinion is that for the story to work, Beron can’t have known about Helion specifically. An affair perhaps, but not specifically who. Why? Because I wouldn’t doubt Beron would have killed Helion for it the moment he found out. Helion wasn’t High Lord until <50 years pre-Acotar. If Beron wanted Helion dead for having an affair with his wife, I doubt even the previous HL would have stopped Beron from lobbing of Helion’s head. Now assuming Beron knew about the affair specifically, but not about Lucien, I can see canon coming to fruition.

The only issue is Lucien’s features. He needs to look very, very similar to the LoA and not at all Helion. If Beron knew it was Helion, he’d be paying double attention on Lucien’s features to see who sired him. But say he doesn’t care who did it, only that it did. Lucien was screwed from the getgo as a possible affair baby. But that’s hardly the biggest issue with how the affair was written.

According to Helion’s recount of his affair, it started during the war when he rescued the LoA. Sure, rumor has it they met before her marriage, but it wasn’t until then that it became an actual affair. And it lasted decades. We don’t know how old Lucien is. Most have guessed that he can’t be older than ~400 at series starts. Following the timeline provided by Helion, there’s about 130 years age gap between Eris and Lucien, and five sons between. The LoA had at least two more kids born before the war started, leaving three sans Lucien to be born after.

See where I’m going with this?

If the affair only ended because Beron found out, preferably before Lucien was born or he’d be dead at birth, then on-off or no, that affair lasted a century. My question is: did Beron begin tormenting his wife before or after he found out about the affair? And was he already torturing his children before he found out, or was that punishment for what their mother did?

If Beron only began abusing and assaulting the LoA after Helion, then there’s a chance he only started hurting his sons around that time too. It also begs the question on whether or not Helion sired more than one Vanserra child. Even if the answer was no, it’s not like Beron would believe the LoA. Not after she cuckolded him. So he hurts her as punishment, doubling that pain by going after all their children too.

Lucien especially, for being mama’s favorite. I doubt Beron ever had to do much to encourage the torment Lucien faced from his brothers. He never had to; she did it to him all on her own by loving him best. And in a household where everything is a competition and love a weakness, Lucien was weakest by being the most loved. Oh, how they must’ve loathed him for it. His birth was the reason their lives became a living hell. A mother that perhaps loved them, but not enough if she outright favored the youngest, knowing his existence was their punishment.

But that’s the kinder story, if you can believe it. A female who was never happy, who found happiness outside her wedded husband, and was punished for it terribly. Her cold husband turned cruel bastard, who punished her for the crime of finding joy outside of him and their children. She didn’t know this was going to be her future.

Yet, the alternative is so much worse.

Because it implies that Beron already was a cruel and abusive bastard, who already hurt his wife and children immensely, and the LoA went and had an affair anyway. I can’t blame her for wanting to escape from Beron. Perhaps she was actually happy with Helion. But she did it knowing that the punishment would be so much worse if Beron found out, and he did.

Helion couldn’t have protected her. Claiming Lucien as his son would’ve been a death sentence to both from Beron’s wrath. And with a century long affair, there was no proof that Lucien was the only one that wasn’t Beron’s child. Not unless most of the Vanserras look like their father more, and we don’t even know that because they have no names or features described. And even then, the LoA was lucky that Lucien’s skin tone and features favored her instead.

I don’t care that a woman cheated on her abusive husband repeatedly. You do you, and all that. I care that the LoA is written as knowing what an absolute monster her husband already was to their living children, and clearly not thinking of what he’d do to them if she’s caught. This is Beron—he could’ve killed all their children as punishment. The man tortures his son bloody—I wouldn’t put it past him to kill them all and start fresh. She put them in so much danger by having Lucien.

I don’t like the way Helion knows what a bastard Beron is, yet not caring when he had a century long affair with a HL’s wife, knowing that she might be killed if found out. And he would be powerless to stop it.

I don’t like how neither of them even considered that she might’ve gotten pregnant from their affair, especially knowing that the LoA already had SIX CHILDREN.

I hate how their affair is going to be spun into some kind of romance of the ages, mates who were forcibly separated by a monster, when in reality it’s more like the love story of two morons who didn’t spare a single braincell to actually think before going back to each other often enough to have a whole ass CHILD.

Jfc, SJM definitely didn’t think through enough when she decided to add this into the story. Too many plot holes, and not enough sense to justify the absolute stupidity of cuckolding a High Lord with someone who couldn’t even protect her if they were caught. She wanted drama but spared no thought to logic, per usual.

[sloanesallow]

Charmed

This is a re-work of some old fanfic, written for the "Lucky Charm" event on the HL Discord server. Just some Ominis banter, Quidditch playing Sebastian and an MC who won't admit her feelings. SFW | 2k words [Read on Wattpad] - [Masterlist]

On the afternoon of tryouts, Sloane sits in the high-rise stands, using an old pair of binoculars to view the players as they gather on the field below. Ominis is at her side, darkened glasses perched on his nose to protect his eyes from the sun. If he had it his way, he wouldn’t be there at all–but both made a promise to their friend to attend for “moral support”. 

When the school year started, it was Headmaster Black’s full intention to continue the ban on Quidditch, for reasons unspecified. After a month of pestering from Madam Kogawa and the prospective players, he finally relented and begrudgingly allowed the sport to resume. Sloane pays the notices no mind, still too afraid of flying to have a desire to play. It was surprising when Sebastian announced his intent to join, looking for a healthy distraction. It would be, in his words, a positive change from last year’s extracurricular activities. 

And so, instead of spending the morning studying for the upcoming Charms exam, she is observing, trying and failing to make sense of how exactly Quidditch is played. It doesn’t take very long before she finds herself focusing on one person in particular. Sebastian is on the field, waiting for his turn on Imelda’s test circuit. Sloane isn’t brave enough to tell him in person, but he looks rather dashing in the uniform, standing confidently amongst the nervous hopefuls.

The outfit makes her realize just how much he’s grown over the summer, broad shoulders filling out his clothes, lanky limbs replaced with toned muscle. Every day he seems that much taller than her, grinning when he has to tilt his head down to meet her eyes. There is still a hint of boyish charm in his face, but nearly all the cute baby-fat has disappeared from his cheeks, leaving a handsome man instead. 

Sloane ponders the changes to her own body and how awkward the process is. She knows her hair has started to grow out, the ash-blonde waves reaching past her shoulders, long enough now for a small braid. While she hasn’t gotten any taller, she’s had to replace most of her wardrobe when her bust seemed to slightly increase in size overnight, the new curve to her hips harder to hide beneath her skirts. Puberty is mentally exhausting, too, with how unexpectedly wild her emotions become. One thing she did not expect is how hopelessly boycrazy she feels, and how it sends her usual anxiety soaring. 

What little knowledge she has about romance has been gleaned from novels, Jane Austen and Emily Bronte filling her childhood bookshelf. They make it seem so easy and effortless, when in reality, falling in love is terrifying, embarrassing, and potentially maddening. But it could also be exciting and delightful, the swirling of butterflies in her stomach making it feel as if she is in a perpetual state of floating. 

Though, she isn’t in love yet, is she?

Ominis hums, sounding amused. “Surely there must be something more interesting than Sebastian to focus your attention on.”

How does he do that? Sloane lowers the binoculars to peer at him. “Are you teasing me?”

A small smirk breaks through his usual stoic expression. “Now why would I do that?”

Sloane softly chuckles, enjoying this cheeky side to Ominis, more frequent now that the chaos of fifth year is (mostly) behind them. In building a new foundation for their friendship, he’s become more relaxed around her, allowing her to see the personality that made him Sebastian’s best mate and closest confidant. Ominis has also changed since they first met, sharpened features hinting at the man he’ll soon be. He’s sprouted up too, and to Sebastian’s dismay, will likely be the tallest of their group by the end of the school year. Conventionally speaking, he is very handsome–pretty even, and Sloane wonders if Ominis knows it. Where Sebastian is indifferent about his appearance, Ominis is pristine in presentation, not a single hair out of place. She wonders if there are any potential suitors he’s been keeping secret. 

“I want to ask you something, but I don’t want it to come off as intrusive, or rude,” Sloane starts. Ominis nods, silently urging her to continue. “How do you know if you are attracted to someone?” 

His eyebrows lift in curiosity. “Romantically? Are you asking me specifically, or generally?” 

“Perhaps a little of both,” she answers. “I know that physical attraction isn’t the most important thing when choosing a partner, but–”

“How could I possibly tell the difference between a great beauty and a dud?” 

Sloane rolls her eyes, “you don’t have to put it that way.”

“Honestly, with no frame of reference, I find whatever preferences I may have are tied more closely to someone’s aura, their personality,” he explains with a sigh, tilting his head to the side in thought. “I was still a young boy when I taught myself how to read speech patterns. You can learn a lot about someone’s character by the way they speak.”

“I suppose it’s a cliche to assume you’d want to touch someone’s face to learn their features, correct?” 

“That’s…far too intimate,” Ominis shakes his head. “I may not be able to tell you what color your eyes are, or if you have dimples, but over the years and with the help of my wand…if I focus well enough, I can envision what someone’s expression is during conversation. Though, I don’t need it now to know you are smiling.” 

Sloane feels a tad bit shy. “That’s…remarkable, Ominis.” 

“I try,” he chuckles. “Sebastian says you have a very pretty smile. I’m inclined to believe him.” 

“Flatterer,” she murmurs, blushing as she flicks her gaze back over the railing to try and spot their friend. “Sebastian really said that?”

“He says a lot about you,” Ominis doesn’t elaborate, his expression untelling. 

Sloane playfully swats his arm, prompting him to laugh. Curiosity be damned, she wants to know more. “You’re friends with Sebastian—”

“Regrettably,” he interjects, humorously. “You are, too.”

“Yes, but you’ve known him longer,” she drags her teeth across her bottom lip. “What can you tell me about his past…liaisons?” 

“Pardon?”

Oh, this is a mistake. Sloane feels the embarrassment spread–this isn’t the same as giggling gossip sessions in the Hufflepuff common room, where the other girls excitedly share stories of stolen kisses and raunchy letters. Not that she ever actively participates–the only kisses she experiences are the ones in her dreams. 

“Oh. I understand,” Ominis says, cutting through her thoughts. “It’s quite comical, actually, how Sebastian’s reputation has been blown out of proportion when it comes to liaisons,” he mimics her, but waves his hand in dismissal. “He is no Lothario. As long as I’ve known Sallow, he has never shown any interest in courting anyone, preferring to break curfew in the library than out sneaking around with a giddy skirt. Especially after Anne got sick, the last thing on his mind was romance”

“The gossip-grapevine is not true, Siobhan. Whatever you may have heard,” Ominis assures. “Trust me, Sebastian would’ve jumped at the first opportunity to tell me if he was experienced, regardless of my objections.” 

Sloane can feel the heat radiating off her face. Does that mean Sebastian is still uninterested? Has she been misinterpreting their closeness for something entirely platonic? She almost regrets bringing it up in the first place. “I…don’t know what to say.”

“If it makes you feel better, his laissez faire attitude has gradually disappeared over the last year,” he offers. “Just about when you arrived.” 

“Me?”

Ominis half-shrugs as if to say obviously. At least that’s what Sloane wants to believe. Is he insinuating that Sebastian likes her? Does Sebastian want something beyond innocent friendship? She doubts Ominis would imply such a thing unless there is some truth to the matter. But his lack of clarity makes her wonder if she should not press the issue, and just let nature take its course, so to speak. It is a lot to process, considering she is still trying to figure out if her feelings are more than just a school-girl crush. 

The tone shifts and Ominis turns his head towards her–it’s the most he can do without being able to make direct eye contact. “He is like my brother. He is my chosen family, for better or worse. I have no love lost for my Gaunt relatives, and if I’ve learned anything in the last year, it is that I will always be loyal to Sebastian.” 

It takes a moment for Sloane to respond, softly smiling. “Are you…telling me not to hurt him?”

“Not exactly. My hope is that Sebastian doesn’t completely fumble the situation that is slowly presenting itself. Not again,” Ominis states, mirroring her expression. “I’m rather fond of you, Siobhan. It will be good for Sebastian to have some…good in his life.” 

Oh. Sloane perks up, realizing what he means. Her mind races, imagining a hundred different scenarios, wondering what exactly Sebastian has been revealing to his friend, intentionally or not. What else does Ominis know? Before she can ask, a flash of green whizzes by, circling around their heads and the perimeter before hovering just out of reach near the railing. 

Sebastian flashes a wide mouthed grin, laughing as he removes his padded helmet and shakes out his hair. Sweat curls the ends even more than usual, chocolate-brown strands sticking to his forehead. His freckles are more prominent in the sunlight and Sloane wonders how long it would take to trace each one with her fingertip. She shakes the thought from her mind, forcing her own bashful smile. She prays her cheeks aren’t as red as she imagines. 

“Enjoying yourself?” she asks, standing up and carefully leaning against the railing to be closer. 

“I forgot how thrilling it is to fly,” Sebastian answers, breathless and excited. “Are you sure I can’t take you for a ride?”

Sloane bites the tip of her tongue as Ominis stifles a snicker, both catching the unintended innuendo. At least she hopes it is unintended–she’d feel scandalized otherwise. “I–I’m sure.” 

“Rain check, then…” Sebastian’s smirk is frustratingly handsome. He glances down at the field below. “We’re about to run the course one last time, then Imelda will post her decisions in a few hours. Given how much she already dislikes me, I was wondering if either of you had a good luck charm handy.” 

“Yes, because I regularly keep such trinkets on my person,” Ominis sarcastically replies. 

“Just make one!” Sebastian argues. 

“That defeats the purpose!”  

“Not if you charm it correctly!” 

“Correctly? What do you take me for, an incompetent first-year?” 

Sloane sighs at their bickering and searches her belongings for something that can be easily charmed and worn. With a quick tug she removes the short, silk tie from her shirt collar and readies her wand. The two look on with a mix of curiosity and trepidation, understandable given her magic’s recent instability. But a good luck charm is simple enough, right? 

The first flick of her wand produces nothing. She anxiously laughs and reins in her focus, whispering under her breath. If you don’t work and provide the good luck Sebastian needs, I’ll break you in half and take you back to Olivander—

Another swish and a shimmer coats the fabric, disappearing with a blink.  Sloane silently thanks whatever forces came through for her. “Ta-da!” 

Sebastian maneuvers his broom closer to the stands, extending his arm to her. She nervously pushes up his sleeve just enough to wrap the golden fabric around his wrist, tying it off with a small knot. His gloved fingers trail against her forearm and she wonders if he can feel the rapid pattern of her pulse. It isn’t until he flexes his hand and looks down at the makeshift charm that she is reminded of the fairy tales she read growing up, in which gallant knights asked beautiful princesses for favours before battle. 

There is a different kind of shine to his eyes as he gazes at her, lips slowly curling into a smile. “Thank you.” 

As she watches Sebastian fly away, she notices Ominis regarding her with an all-knowing expression. “You’re never getting that back.” 

“I know.” 

[hanbindans]

zerobaseone as IB students (headcanons)

some fun headcanons for my fellow students. please take these with a grain of salt, obviously I don't know them personally and these are just meant to be fun :) word count: 1.1 k (ca 140 for each) a/n: this is for a very niche target audience but it makes sense in MY head. also I have exams in less than 2 weeks so this is kind of representative of where my mind is at rn. and PSA if you're also an IB student please don't actually skip TOK <3

jiwoong

what's that?? "he's a 24 year old man, it's been years since he completed high school??" sorry I can't hear you too well I'll just go ahead and write this headcanon anyway <3

he's such a drama kid and he would take it even in IB, so theatre and korean lit would be his HLs

I feel like he would take bio and psych sl purely out of curiosity and then immediately regret it when he realizes how much content there is (but would be really good at psych)

aa sl!!! no particular reason tbh I just think he's kind of smart

doesn't understand tok. like...... at ALL. is saved by the fact that his psychology EE is pretty good because he pretty much flunks tok miserably

CAS defender because "guys it builds character I think it's great that we all do volunteer work :))" bless his heart

hanbin

7 subjects :)

is good at tok probably

genuinely puts SO much time and effort into his cas and regrets it in the end but it looks cool on his resumé

psychology and korean lit HL, probably takes VA too but maybe as sl. he gives such lit vibes I feel like he would totally be a literature kid

chinese ab!!!! and maybe ESS because he can and doesn't like science <3

AI SL just because he's so social science but he gets 6s and 7s because it's too easy for him <3

basically he's all the social science subjects but because they're FUN not because they're easy :)

shares notes and study resources in the class group chat because he's cool like that

zhang hao

science kid

HL math AA, geography, and maybe chem or bio. maybe takes physics SL too.

definitely chinese lang/lit and korean ab (he could definitely do korean B but he can't be bothered)

you won't catch him anywhere without a comically large energy drink

completely numbed on the inside but also puts more effort in than everyone else and gets straight 7's

skips tok though because he can't be asked

does his EE on a very niche obsession of his and it gets a really good grade but he puts way too much effort into it

everyone wants to learn his ways but he doesn't do study groups because he gets too annoyed lmao. WILL tell juniors chatting in the library to stfu

he will complain about anything and everything any chance he gets but also catch him getting that 45 at the end of the day.

taerae

also science kid but a lot less intense

HL bio, chem, music, SL AA, korean lang/lit and japanese ab

he would complain SO MUCH about group 2 btw he's one of those science kids who really doesn't want to do 2 languages lol

really only cares about music to be honest but does the sciencey subjects because he thinks they're cool and gets pretty good grades

the type to do a hyper specific science IA and spend way too much time on it just for shits and giggles because he likes pouring things into beakers and swirling them

unintentionally does the most for his CAS, like "oh a service??? yeah I've been tutoring guitar for like 6 months does that count" and genuinely fails to see how other people struggle with it

also excells at tok, like genuinely writes an amazing philosophical TOK essay and gets full marks

ironically cares so little about IB but somehow does so well because he genuinely likes his subjects (and has an iq of like 150)

matthew

7 subjects :)

wants to do more languages than he's allowed because he's just built like that, he likes flexing his multilingualism

HL english lang/lit, french B, history. SL AA, bio, chem, psych

is annoyingly good at all his subjects like HOW are you doing all that and remembering everything?? secretly kind of a genius

does the mostest for his IAs for absolutely no reason other than he's just interested in his subjects and wants to do fun projects :)

also genuinely likes CAS for the same reason (play sports feed stray cats, what's not to like?)

super ambitious classmate who is somehow the only one still sane and always happy

encourages everyone before tests and exams like "come on guys we can do it!! :)"

ricky

this is more likely than you think like do you know how many rich international kids do IB??? in an alternate reality he's M23

visual art HL <33

probably business management HL too, but I could see him doing psych as well!! I think he'd enjoy the human relationships option

chinese lang/lit and english B because why do a bilingual diploma and struggle when you could just breeze through english B?????

AI and ESS sl because he cba, he just wants to pass fr.

to be honest he only really cares about visual art (does his EE in it and regrets it every day) and his social science a liiittle bit, other than that he's just doing exactly as much as he needs to pass

super chill classmate though like all IB kids need a Ricky in their class to humble our god complexes

gyubin

IB but because he's an exchange student :') like he didn't even know what IB was when he started it

cramming the night before tests because he can't be asked to dedicate his whole life to studying

actually the nicest classmate though

eng b HL and breezes through it

ESS and AI sl together with ricky (they sit in the back of the class and snack together <3)

also like business management/psychology or something equivalent but he's REALLY good at it and gets easy 7's?? like he will be that 1 kid who has that 1 subject that he's an absolute god at

cries every tok lesson but it's alright

favourite part is ironically CAS because he has an excuse to volunteer at dog shelters and play basketball with his friends :)

gunwook

peak IB child I bet he would take this programme for real

4 hls (economics, psychology, korean lang lit, chemistry)

I have no justification for these subjects btw I just spat out 4 that I think he would take. he definitely would do 4 HLs though because that's how he rolls

ALSO takes cas very seriously for absolutely no reason

also takes tok SUPER seriously- he will lead class discussions and get into heated debates about stupid shit like if newspeak would work in real life

AA sl and japanese ab because that's just his vibes

kind of overworked but is always helpful and shares notes with his classmates :)

does his EE in economics and ends up getting way too invested in it and becomes obsessed with economic development policies or something niche like that (nerd but affectionately <3)

very stressed and overworked but he WILL get those grades at the end of the day <33

[goldmanguyperson]

You can request updated satellite imagery on Google Earth, anywhere on the globe.

It may not be heeded, but you can do it. If you want to request Google Earth to update imagery over Gaza, you can center your map on the Gaza strip or anywhere inside, go to “Help”, and go to “Send Feedback”. (info from https://support.google.com/earth/community-guide/259934888/google-earth-imagery-updates?hl=en.) It’s not like we have no satellite information for Gaza. Maxar Technologies, a satellite imagery company, already has images of Gaza post destruction from 2023. They can be seen in this CNN article.

The Earth is big, and Google likely isn’t going to update areas with little interest, but if you show your interest, we might be able to get them to update it. Of course Israel also has the power to request them not to, which is likely also happening. Some satellite imagery companies already have restricted imagery from Gaza because it could show where Israeli forces are hiding, at least according to this Times of Israel article. But nothing small you can do is ever not worth a try.

Why would we want satellite imagery of Gaza?

It makes it incredibly easy to show what Israel has done. If you’ve taken a look at Mariupol on Google Maps recently, you would be able to see decimated schools, destroyed homes, blackened parks, and a ground littered with clear impacts from missiles. A destroyed hospital, a destroyed school, a waterpark missing its clear blue water, mere miles from the border with Israel, could say a lot with no words at all.

I’m someone who goes and looks through devastated areas on Google Maps occasionally. I think i’m probably one of very few who do this, because it’s weird, but it’s a very easy way to see what war and human-borne devastation does and looks like from your seat at home. And Google Maps and Earth in particular are very interesting and harrowing, because you can see what those places were before they were destroyed. You can know that that was a school, a hospital, a restaurant, a marriage venue. It’s marked on the map. You can see people having a good time in the images they posted in those little image carousels. You can see a group of restaurant workers giving a thumbs up to a camera. You can go into a photosphere and see of one of those backyard seat swings outside, covered in outdoor pillows and bundled up knitted blankets. You can see a man in a wheelchair outside a lit up restaurant at night. These are all things I have found while looking around Gaza right now. You can be there from a world away. You could see what was done to their homes from a world away. Online map services with satellite imagery aren’t just for finding the fastest route, or righting yourself when you get a little lost on a walk. It’s a massive collection of images showing you what the world has looked like in the past few years. It’s a way to feel connection from across the world. it’s a way to know even just a little bit of what’s happening, without anyone ever needing to tell you.

thumbs up guys, i love you and i hope you are safe

[highladyjane]

Yes Elriel is so Healthy and full of passion when Azriel hasn't thought beyond his sexual fantasies ( he masturbated to headache powder 🤮 ) . You want Elain to be with a guy who thinks of her as only the third sister and doesn't even think about the consequences of Luciens Death On Elain ? Have you forgotten the part that Said mates would mad if their other half died ? And please don't start on the cauldron made them fake mates bullshit , the cauldron doesn't decide mates the Mother does 🙄

Thank you for your short rant and for being interested enough in my thoughts and opinion to warrant me with an Ask 😊

I don't really know which of my posts this directly pertains to, so I will just assume it's because I'm generally pro-Elriel. I do like Lucien as a character though, I just simply don't ship him with Elain.

Knowing myself, this will end up longer than intended since this did spark a bit of reflection for me, so I will try to stay as relevant and short as I possibly can 😅 So, to actually answer your Ask...

1. Ehm, it's not the headache powder he's masturbating to 😆 It's who gave it and what it might imply: that Elain sees him too, as well as the hope and possibilities of her liking him back after him being in love with someone else for 500 years who never returned his feelings. Hopefully, you've had the experience of fantasizing about a crush sometime? Sometimes feelings can be so consuming that one's fantasies simply strays to the explicit. We wouldn't have the ACOTAR books if it wasn't for those kind of fantasies. Also, in no way do I find Elriel "full of passion" since they haven't even got a chance to act on said passion - which is why Azriel chooses to please himself through thoughts of her instead of actually going down to a pleasure hall and a series of other women and the consequences of that... Which for you is more healthy? Are we going to ignore the times Nesta and Cassian masturbated to the thought of each other too? I don't even want to go down the path of what Nesta did in the start of her story (nor about her very particular "daydream" at that) because she thought she didn't deserve Cassian... Though I think it's what led to Nesta and Az having such a great understanding of each other too, btw 😊

2. I think Azriel knows of the consequences of what will happen (he should at least be old enough to know lol) which is why he's trying to avoid Elain and acting on his feelings for her. He knows what a mating bond implies. But he's questioning why he didn't get the third sister because he's clearly feeling a sort of pull towards that third sister specifically (not necessarily implying a bond here). He just hasn't planned for what will happen if Elain actually acts on/chooses him, because he doesn't think she will and because he doesn't think he deserves her. I don't think he'd ever kill Lucien just because; but what I think he asserts is that if it were to come to it, he would have the right to defend himself, Elain's choice, and be the one to walk away from it (remember Az vs Eris+Beron at the HL meeting and who overpowered who? + Feyre musing about Lucien in comparison to the Illyrians?) so it's not Lucien he's worried about. I'd think he'd even let Lucien win just to avoid whatever it might cause Elain and because he has enough self-loathing and insecurities for it. But I reeeeeally doubt it will come to that, since it doesn't feel like Lucien's too desperate or to keen on keeping the bond either. I mean, I can see him being upset, but he seems to feel equally "shackled" in the situation since he "can't even stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes" (ACOFAS ch. 18). From what Lucien's shown, he's been respectful enough about the distance between him and Elain, so I think, especially considering the connection of this plot to what his mother went through, he'd be respectful of what Elain chooses too - even if the hurt or bond might affect them both for the rest of their lives. I think he'd want true love for himself too, and not just a bond "that sometimes picks poorly[...] and is nothing more than some pre-ordained guesswork as to who will provide the strongest off-spring[...] not an indication of true, paired souls.". Also, they haven't even accepted the bond, so it's not really like Feysand level yet, and I'm not completely sure how that would affect one if the other were to die... I mean, Lucien hasn't even reacted or mentioned anything about what it felt like when Elain was taken... But someone else did 👀 I do hope that's explored in the next book somehow.

3. Ehhm... Well... Azriel questioned the Cauldron, not the Mother. Also to quote Rhys in ACOWAR Ch. 24: "Many mated pairs will try to make it work believing the Cauldron selected them for a reason". So it is the Cauldron being questioned here - and guess what CC3 confirmed 👀. I don't think Elain and Lucien are fake mates, but I'm open to the theories about it. I don't even want Elain and Azriel to be mates. I just like them together because their feelings have had a chance to grow more organically, so it feels more natural for Elain to choose him, and that Az will finally get chosen after all that he's been through (Mor + his family + the things he did for Elain etc.). To me, he's worthy. If she chooses Lucien, then I need a really good set-up for it - one that's even better than what Elriel already has imo. And most importantly, one without her losing her agency. I actually want Elain to choose to explore her bond with Lucien, just to see what it's like and what could be since it will create more angst 😆. I think she's slowly but steadily moving on from the Cauldron incident, enough to forgive him even though it wasn't directly his fault. But I don't think it too necessary, since I wouldn't want to be forced to interact, settle, or love someone I simply don't want to be with. I've personally been in that situation too many times. Love can surely grow, but it cannot be forced if it isn't there to begin with, whether or not you already have your heart set on someone else.

Lucien wants and deserves someone who (to quote himself from ACOWAR Ch. 24:) readily loves him "without question, without hesitation" and who will choose him back. Just like Jesminda did - despite the implications and consequences, and it was why he'd loved her. I want to see Lucien with someone who's a bit more like what he himself seem to prefer prior to the bond that "was thrown at him" - the kind of people he's consistently got along and chosen to be with. Elain is too polite and soft for him and he's known for liking people who snaps back, who teases and taunts him - like Feyre, who he got close to because she never balked from him nor from doing just that... And Vassa sounds similar to Jesminda in spirit (wild and free etc.) and he's actively choosing to live with her... Maybe Elain has some of those traits in her too, she seems to be growing some claws after all. But does she have to change herself just to fit into his type just because of their bond; or can she continue to stay in her essence with someone who already likes her for her even without a bond?

I do think Elain and Lucien can at least be friends and have a great understanding - they've both been dragged through everything after all (Elain with her sisters, Lucien with Tamlin, and both by the baddies obvi) and just tried to make the best out of everything despite both not being the most useful of people early in their stories, and both trying to rectify themselves. So they have that in common at least... And I think that's left room for the growth and healing that Sarah's pertained to and that they'll have to face and address in the upcoming book(s). So whether it is about Elain or Lucien, I believe it will be about Choice, and what they both equally want and deserve. Which I think is True Love - despite any bonds.

I feel like this has gotten absolutely too long, so I'll stop here 😵‍💫😅 I hope my answers suffices your questions 😊

[continuations]

Lessons from a Voyage

I have just returned from an exciting voyage: crossing the Atlantic on a sailboat. You can find updates from along the way on the J44 Frolic website, Twitter/X and Instagram accounts. In this post I am gathering up my lessons learned. Some of these are just about sailing, in particular passage making, and some are broadly applicable life lessons.

Offshore sailing is intense. I always had great respect for offshore sailors, and in particular solo sailors, and this voyage has only deepened that. To be successful requires lots of different skills: navigation, sail trim, anchoring/docking, mechanical, plumbing, electrical (AC and DC), fishing, cooking. Not everyone on board needs all of these but it is good to have all of them as part of the crew, ideally redundant. If you want to follow exciting single handed racing, I highly recommend the upcoming Vendée Globe race. On each of these skills, experience makes a huge difference. Going into this adventure there was a lot that I understood theoretically but had never done (I had zero offshore experience). So I was thrilled to do this with my friend HL DeVore who has extensive offshore experience, including two prior Atlantic crossings.

Technology has made passage making much easier. The voyage also increased my respect for what it took to cross the oceans in the past with minimal technology. We had access, via Starlink, to up-to-date weather information. We had redundant chart systems including on board but also on our phones, so we knew at all times where we were and how quickly we were making progress. We had a fantastic auto pilot that was able to steer accurately even in fairly confused sea states. We were able to make fresh water on demand with an advanced filtration and desalination system. We had fresh food in a fridge and frozen food, including ice cream (!), in a freezer. We had an electric kettle for fast water heating. An ice maker to add ice cubes to our water. A hot pot for making rice and other dishes. You don't have to go very far back to get to a time when none of this was available. And yet people crossed the oceans routinely.

Clear and non-defensive communication is essential. Everything on a boat has precise terms to identify what it is and what action is supposed to be taken. It is essential to learn this language to be able to communicate quickly and precisely. There are some areas where different sailors will use different terms and so it's good to converge on terminology for the boat. Beyond precision it also matters that communication has to be non-defensive. Everybody on board can speak up at an moment if they see or hear something that others should know. And when someone speaks to you, you always acknowledge that you have heard and understood by saying "copy." For example you might say "small craft 5 boat lengths out at 2 o'clock" and helm will acknowledge with "copy" even if they have already seen it. So much miscommunication can be avoided simply by acknowledging what has been said.

Alertness is crucial. Always be on the lookout for things that look or sound strange. A line hanging slack that is normally tight. Or a clanging noise that wasn't there before. All of this requires a high degree of alertness and also intimate knowledge of the normal state of the boat. For example water flowing by the boat often makes a gurgling sound when you are below deck and close to the sides. But at one point I heard a gurgling sound coming from an unusual location. We investigated and it turned out that a hose had come loose and we were spilling fresh water.

Know your boat inside out. Some people may be tempted to buy a new boat for an adventure like this. But every boat handles differently. And new boats often have small issues that will only bet detected while out at sea. We bought a used J44, a boat that my partner in this adventure has been sailing for over a decade. We then completely overhauled the boat and took it on several shake down cruises and races, with the ultimate pre passage shake down being the Newport Bermuda race. You also want to know the details of systems performance. For example fuel consumption of a diesel engine varies non-linearly with RPM. For example on Frolic the fuel consumption goes up by 33 percent from 1800 to 2000 RPM.

Life is supported by systems. Spaceships are called ships for a reason - they are both life support systems for humans. The ocean is not quite as uninhabitable for humans as space but it is definitely not where we can live without technology. Our water maker was a great example of that. In its absence we would have needed to bring a large quantity of freshwater along and hopefully catch rainwater (we would likely have to ration water which risks being dehydrated). Systems need redundancy in case they break and you can't fix them. We always had some water in jugs to tide us over, but we also had a mid sized and even some handheld desalination systems).

Observation matters. It is always important to complement what electronic systems spit out with what we can observe directly. Modern weather forecasts are amazingly accurate. But local weather can still differ significantly and sometimes forecasts will be wrong. It really helps to understand the weather at different scales, from the very large (the entire North Atlantic), to the region you are in (e.g. the Azores), down to the specific location. Another example of a system that helps tremendously but needs to be complemented with observation is the Automatic Identification System (AIS). It uses VHF to communicate the identities of boats, along with their location, heading, and speed. This makes it much easier to identify and avoid potential collisions. When we were approaching Portugal we had to cross through shipping lanes and it would have been much more challenging without AIS. But we did encounter two cargo ships that were not properly broadcasting. One was highly intermittent (and would only show up on our chart plotter occasionally), the other one not at all. We encountered the second one at night and had to fall back to visual observation and hailing the other vessel.

Slow is fast. Take the time to talk things through, such as a spinnaker take down. This means making sure everyone understands their role and the sequence of tasks. Prepare everything that can be prepared, such as getting any lines properly coiled that need to run out or having sail ties at hand. Move deliberately around the boat . Something going wrong is not only dangerous but will usually take a lot more time to fix than getting it right in the first place. This is even true when something has already gone wrong. We did great overall but did wind up with one accidental jibe. The instinct might be to rush and fix that immediately but it is much better to take the time to make sure everyone is ok, the boat is ok, and then make a plan to jibe back in a controlled fashion.

Preparation requires anticipation. We were incredibly well prepared. We had all the tools and parts on board we needed. We had all the medications on board to treat everyone on the crew for a variety of thankfully small issues. We had enough fuel to get through some of the light or no wind stretches. All of this was the case because we anticipated what the problems might be that we could encounter. You can't get stuff onto your boat once you are in the ocean. Our planned path via the Azores is notorious for people running out of fuel or food or both because of the extent of the Azores high.

Safety is not negotiable. Our default was to wear harnesses when on deck and to clip in. The only times we would not do that was during the day time in extremely calm sea state while motoring. All it takes is one wrong step for someone to go overboard. And at night or with six foot waves it is not only hard to see someone, especially when the boat is flying along at 10 knots, but also tricky and dangerous to get back to them and get them back on board. Another key rule is "one hand for yourself and one hand for the boat." This is where the expression "single handed" sailing comes from. I violated this rule once by trying to bring two bags below at the same time (coming back to the boat at the dock). I missed the last step down the companion way, twisted around and fell backwards into the galley, hitting my head on the stove. I was lucky and came away with some scrapes and bump on the back of my head but it could have easily ended badly.

Good food makes everyone happy. We were fortunate to have my son Peter Wenger on board as a chef. He had pre-cooked some meals which we carried in our freezer. But he also made many wonderful things fresh, such an incredible Mahi Mahi ceviche from a fresh catch. And of course my personal favorite: French toast for breakfast.

Great on shore support really helps. There is some fear associated with being far out on the ocean where help can be a long way away. And so it is wonderful to have strong on shore support. Psychology really matters for well being and stress. When I fell down it was great to do a call with med team and get concussion assessment. We relied on Katie and Jessica from Regatta Rescue for medical support. They were terrific and also had put together an incredible med kit for us to bring along. We also got daily macro weather updates from Ken McKinley at Locusweather. Finally, it was fantastic to have family emotional support, in particular from Susan "Gigi" Danziger, who also helped with logistics, such as getting to Newport, and joined us in Bermuda, for cruising in the Azores, and in Lisbon upon arrival.

All in all this passage was an incredible adventure and I feel fortunate to have been able to experience this passage. I hope this will not be my last one and am already thinking about what bringing the boat back across the Atlantic might look like. In the meantime I am keeping my fingers crossed for a safe passage of Frolic through the Straight of Gibraltar into the Mediterranean.

[twopoppies]

Hey Gina!!

Am getting married in a couple of months.. i’ve been in fandom for couple of years now and fics are my guilty pleasure.. my to be husband knows am a huge fan of 1D and mentions that he would take me to one of their concerts sometimes even if it happened in different country..but he kind of does not have an idea that am into the fandom and read fics and all.. which i do i my me time even before i met him.. this got me thinking that how did you approach the topic of being in fandom and believing in HL or reading/writing fics.. how did your husband take it initially?! I see people on twitter also mentioning how their husband support their wives by bringing them HL concert tickets.. also I’ve recently read in one of your posts about a boyfriend sending texts to his girlfriend in pit for H show, which was super cute of him..

Hi, darling. Hm. To be honest, when I first fell into the fandom i was very much a lurker for a long time, and I didn’t talk about it much, so he wasn’t super aware. He found out about fic accidentally because I left one open on my laptop. It was very funny actually, because it wasn’t even one I was reading, but it was one where Louis was obsessed with Harry’s pubic hair 🤣🤣🤣 He really was concerned about me. gdjjsdf

Anyway, it took him a while to understand that fic wasn’t “just porn” and that I didn’t only like the band because “Harry is hot” (that, and him thinking PR relationships aren’t a thing, have honestly been the most annoying conversations I’ve had to have with him). He’s not a big pop culture guy, so fandom in and of itself was a little hard to wrap his head around.

Anyway, I started as a fan artist, so he saw me drawing all the time. And he was always very supportive because he saw it made me happy. But, I don’t think he really understood why it was so important to me for a very long time.

As far as opening up about it, I think you can look at it all like a hobby. Just as if you were into learning the guitar or knitting or hiking. It’s something you can invite him to join you in. My husband goes to Harry concerts now and he really likes his music. He’s read my fic (I don’t think he’s terribly interested in reading others, though 😆), and he’s met some of the great friends I’ve made through fandom. He’s never going to be as involved as I am, but he appreciates that it’s something I love.

That post with the boyfriend texting is a favorite of mine… it’s such a display of truly knowing someone and caring enough about their interests that you enjoy sharing it even if it’s not your particular favorite thing. Perhaps that’s the best way to approach it with your finance… ❤️

[twelvedaysinaugust]

Thanks to your anon for explaining more of the differentiation between Gaylor and Larry. Nothing sounds crazier than a fake baby or a doll being used a prop…or contracts from years ago continuing to hold millionaires hostage in the closet. The contract hyperbole is problematic bc we know from Harry’s own mouth (Harry! Who says nothing!) contracts existed in 1D that scared/traumatized him, and it makes people doubt the premise of pressuring queer boys in a boyband to stay quiet/not come out/act heterosexual when we know this happened to Lance, Ricky, etc.. with or without contracts. I saw someone making fun of larries bc they saw one of those early Larry videos from the back of a radio station where HL are whispering sweet nothings and their response was ‘how were they closeted acting this way?’ Oh so you DO see it was something more than platonic and they didn’t know they were being caught on film, dodo, but I digress…

I wonder if Gaylors get the same hate/are told it’s disrespectful for thinking Karlie’s marriage and/or Taylor/Joe are/were just understandings of some sort vs. pure traditional romance that Larries did for Elounor in particular. Even Harries side eye some of H’s public relationships and he has never stood up for his gfs the way Louis did with Eleanor in the past. I think Louis’ “I am straight” tweet still holds a lot of weight after almost a decade while I know Gaylors claim Taylor has never said explicitly she was straight (don’t quote me bc I don’t know!).

Lots to think about but it truly seems “gold star larryism” - even if people have the best of intentions! I don’t think it’s malicious, at least on tumblr today - has done some damage to the fandom and how we best support HL as closeted artists, whether they are a current couple or not.

Sorry it took me forever to respond to this ask. I very much agree with the last paragraph, in particular.

[shadowblade8192]

Shadow's 2024 Games List

idk i thought this would be a cool thing i could do where i go through all the games that i played for the first time in <current year> (side note: i would have put this up last year but there was a latecomer so i delayed it a couple days). It wont include *every* game i played for the first time this year, just games that i started playing this year and played a somewhat decent amount of (not necessarily finished), and going through them all and what I liked and/or didn't like about them. Also a lot of these will be older games, not necessarily games that *released* this year since that would bring the total down to 3.

Also this contains spoilers for basically all the games I played, but I will mention some games specifically in case people haven't played them and wish to, since they may be better going in blind:

Superhot trilogy (Minor stuff from the ending of the third game) Inscryption (Go into this one blind, trust me) I'm sticking a keep reading cut in there. Seriously, go play Inscryption if you haven't already.

So, in a particular order (the order i got them in mostly):

Turnip Boy Robs a Bank

Having played the first game turnip boy commits tax evasion relatively close to launch, I was following the development of this one quite closely, getting to try out the demo, and then getting the game day 1 (in fact this is the only game I have ever purchased day 1), and had a blast. It's a relatively short game, I 100%ed it for the first time in around 11 hours, there is some potential replay value though I cannot deny there is less than other roguelites. The main layout is not random, however some item placement is, and the elevator rooms are random. Still, I had a lot of fun with it, and I can also confidently say I am the only player to ever legitimately reach 1B cash in the game which is something normal to want to achieve.

Lethal Company

Didn't try this one out until about 3 months after release, but was playing it very regularly once I did. Still pick it up every update or so for a few days, the reason I don't play it more is because its a very multiplayer-centric game and requires me to have friends online to play (yes I am aware it can be played solo but its not as fun that way). Very much enjoyed this one, and am eager to see where the developer goes with future updates

Celeste

Playing this gave me a sudden urge to put on a skirt. I'm sure its nothing

Superliminal

Messing around with perspective to solve puzzles, I really enjoyed this one. Puzzle mechanics were very intuitive, and I believe this was the mechanic that would have been used in a canned sequel to portal. It isn't in the portal/hl universe obviously, but I did still have a good time with it

Manifold Garden

Absolutely stunning visuals, it feels more like an art piece made into a videogame and- *searches something up* oh wait it was. Really enjoyed this one, definitely worth giving it a go if you haven't yet

The Pedestrian

Puzzle game involving moving a character across street signs, and the puzzles themselves are good as well. It's the first game on this list I haven't actually finished yet (not 100%ed, that would go to celeste since I have basically just climbed the mountain on that), but what I have played I have thoroughly enjoyed.

Buckshot Roulette

This one was a lot of fun i love gambling. Multiplayer was a great addition but I *wish* the developers let you use it on the itch.io version, but still I'm happy that it exists at all. It's a good game to just pick up and play a round or two for.

Dead Cells

Had a lot of fun with this one, haven't beat it yet but I have played a lot, reached the final boss (I think) once but died to them. It's a great one for my steam deck as its something I can just pick up for a run or two while I'm waiting for something.

Superhot Trilogy

So I first picked up Superhot VR for the PSVR in a cex, since I'd heard about it in passing (well, Superhot as a franchise) and the points on the back of the box sold me enough to drop £8 on this second hand copy. Insanely fun. Best of all three of them, It feels like the concept of the game was made specifically for VR. If you have any VR headset that has the option to buy it, definitely buy it. One of the best games I picked up this year.

After beating and enjoying Superhot VR, I noticed the bundle of the two non-VR games (I believe the first and third in release order) on GOG was on sale, and, well, I enjoyed the VR game so I thought I'd pick up the bundle. The original Superhot was enjoyable, basically the VR game but not in VR and you can move about (Well you could move in the VR game but only as much as you had physical space). Had my fun with that, and then moved onto the third game.

Superhot: Mind Control Delete starts off strong but near the end I was struggling to get through it. A roguelite Superhot? Marketed as more Superhot? Why wouldn't I like it, having liked the first two? Well, I did like it, to begin with. The hacks were a neat mechanic, giving you special abilities, and the health was nice, somewhat counteracting the fact that unlike the other games, you can't "learn" each level, since enemy spawns are procedural (In the first two it was partially a puzzle game in the sense that you needed to work out how to defeat the same set of enemies spawning in the same locations each retry). Cores were interesting, but I mostly avoided them. The whole gimmick of roguelite Superhot was starting to wear a bit halfway through. And then the unkillable enemies started showing up. Basically, the three cores you unlock (you start with one that gives an extra HP for a total of three) all have an unkillable enemy associated with them, and later levels will always have one of these (not related to the core equipped, so you cannot avoid them by only using the default core). You cannot kill them, you must avoid them, and the most annoying one can teleport into you. I was so glad when I found out you can give up the cores to stop them spawning, but that is basically at the end of the game. The ending itself.... you have to wait two and a half hours. With the game running. It does not save your wait time progress.

SH:MCD starts off alright but really isn't that fun later on.

Inscryption

Well, back to games i thoroughly enjoyed. Inscryption is a game that you should go into completely blind. You saw the spoiler warning at the top, right? Go play it if you haven't already. I'm serious. You can read my review later. Go play it then come back. Now, where should I start...

I love this game. A lot. All I knew about it going in was two offhanded mentions in a Pyrocynical video, where he says the ourobouros card can be buffed to like 10k if you waste enough time on it, and also the game looks at your files (if you know of Pyrocynical, you'll be able to guess why he brought that up), the latter of which I forgot about until the moment happened. Also a bundle on steam it had with Buckshot Roulette called "basically the same game". I did not buy that bundle, instead I bought it with a coupon code from the GOG newsletter that, upon looking at SteamDB and GogDB, would put the game down to an even lower price than anyone else would get (seriously do not sleep on GOG's newsletter, it gives out free games and coupons on some pretty decent games, I got Shotgun King: The Last Checkmate on a discount from there last year), and since I knew it was kinda similar to buckshot roulette, I bit the bullet and bought the game.

Started out with Leshy's Act I. I died a lot but had a lot of fun, solving most of the puzzles (on my first playthrough I didn't unlock the ring, nor the bee statue to replace squirrels), and beating the moon on the first attempt that I actually got that far on (so it wasn't until later I found out that you get a champion card on the door instead of a deathcard when you win, also I didn't encounter any death card nodes despite dying enough to. I do kind of wish I beat the moon once before getting the film roll to experience that, but still), and then got confused for 3 minutes after picking up the new game button, not realising I had to actually exit out and start a new game.

Act II was slightly disappointing at first, but it definitely grew on me, and I have replayed it standalone a handful of times with some challenges (e.g. 4 runs where I only use one class of cards, and a run where I use every card I acquire in a run since the only requirement is at least 20 cards, and there didn't appear to be an upper limit. The answer is yes, it's possible, but *very* RNG heavy).

I did enjoy Act III, I wish a few more of the mechanics were brought over to Kaycee's Mod (more on that later, also I do wish there was an option to do an act 3 kaycee's mod run but I do get why that's not there in the vanilla game for lore reasons. I'll get to mods later), but it is a decent act and I like Lonely Wizbot and the fisherman. The Archivist boss fight was fun cause i gave it Daily TV #69 which it put on as a face, and then /dev/core from my pc which was 128TiB. I wish Golly had the ability to interface with GOG Galaxy like it does with Steam to show friends there, but still a good concept.

The Finale was.... certainly interesting. Saying goodbye to all the scrybes, Grimora's interesting concept of the chessboard, Leshy's "One more game" (I did shed a tear when he insisted we kept playing and didn't need to keep score), and Magnificus' "All style no substance" battle (seriously is there anyone who has tried to win at that? I cannot find a single result online for that). All culminating with finding the OLD_DATA and then the final video... and Magnificus' act 2 theme is perfect for credits music.

Kaycee's Mod is great, Basically Act I but with a few mechanics removed (I do miss deathcards but yeah, balancing, same with ouroborous not keeping stat bonuses between runs and some unlocks like the bee statue, squirrel totem, dagger, boons before the final fight, etc., though I wish there were more escape-roomy stuff like act 1 had). Loved (most of) the challenges, Royal's boss fight is a fun alternative if you are bored of the moon (boss totems make no changes since none of Royal's cards have tribes)

Overall I would easily say this is one of the best games I played [for the first time] this year.

Webfishing

Imagine club penguin but instead of a whole island you can only go fishing and you don't get banned for saying fuck. Also gay as hell (positive). It's great, you can, if you want, never use online and exclusively play a singleplayer (or coop with friends only) fishing game where you collect a lot of fish, alternatively you could only use it as an online chatroom, or some mix of fishing and chatting, anything's possible. Good fun, better with friends imo but I like multiplayer with friends if I can. Also you can get drunk.

Balatro

The latecomer I mentioned in the first paragraph (feels like a while ago, I don't know how long it takes to read all this but I started making this post like 2 months ago), I got this one as a gift on christmas (well, a day or two after but it was a christmas present). This one has been a blast, this combined with inscryption being some of the most fun games I played this year is leading me to probably check out some more roguelike deckbuilders next year (well this year since this is going up on jan 1st). It is a very popular recent release so you may have heard about it, but the general gist of the game is you play poker hands to score points, and you get jokers which have effects to increase your score and you progress through the rounds. There's other mechanics that can add or remove or modify cards in your deck (adding 3 new poker hands being five of a kind, flush house (combo of flush and full house), and flush 5 (being 5 of a kind and a flush)). Very fun game and a perfect one for steam deck where I mostly pick games up to play a few rounds of something at a time. Also I found a tool to create an apk from a steam install to play on phone which is neat.

So that was my wrap-up of games this year, overall positive, see you again next year when I do the same thing (hopefully I get enough new games...)

[hojungwrites]

Interview with Chinese American Poet, Chen Chen, on being a representative Asian American voice in poetry

HL: Thank you so much for meeting with me! I know in another interview that you said you’re working on saying no, so I’m super grateful that you’re making time for me today. One fun icebreaker question I like to start with is, where did your parents meet?

CC: I don’t know! I should ask them. My parents are both from Southern China—I’m from the city called Xiamen. My mom grew up in the country, and my dad is from the city. So I know that.

HL: Mine met on a ski trip. My mom kept falling so my dad kept having to hold her hand.

CC: Oh my god that’s adorable.

HL: Alright I am just going to go in and start with the heavy questions about race. Do you remember the first moment that you realized you were Asian, and how did this affect your image of yourself?

CC: I grew up feeling a pretty firm sense that I was Chinese because that’s really how my parents identified and would always talk to me in those terms. I saw myself as a Chinese immigrant or a child of immigrants. I was born in China and then came to the States when I was very young. I was about four. So I had that sense of my self, that’s how I saw myself. But the term Asian? It took a while for me to feel like that was descriptive for me because it just seemed so big. It wasn’t until college that I started to think more about identifying in that way—particularly as an Asian American. It’s a term that has its own particular political and cultural history, and I learned a lot more about that in college. Before that, I didn’t know what it meant to call myself Asian American, so that changed things for me. 

Just in terms of any racial awareness, I’d say from a pretty young age I was aware of that difference, aware of how different people, non-Asian people, saw me as Asian. I had an awareness of that very early on, but in terms of, you know, just the word, the terminology, it wasn’t until college.

HL: What specifically changed in college?

CC: I became interested in learning about the history of Asian Americans versus Asian people in the United States because I realized that I didn’t know that much. I was also becoming friends with other Asian American students on my campus, and on other campuses, and they were talking about the identity as this pan-ethnic one—you can be East Asian, you can be South Asian, you can be West Asian—and the idea of this political coalition community that could form with this term this umbrella term. So I became interested in learning more about the history of that.

I was becoming interested in seeking out other Asian American writers, particularly poets, because I realized that I hadn’t read that many before. You know that they weren’t taught as much in high school. There are some, but usually they’re fiction, and so I had to seek out a lot of the poetry on my own, too. I remember reading Rose by Li-Young Lee, his first book, in high school at the suggestion of an encouraging English teacher sophomore year. She recommended that I check out Li-Young Lee’s work. I remember looking at the back cover and seeing his author photo on there and being moved—Oh, here is a Chinese American, someone who likes me and is doing this poetry thing. Doing it his own way. 

HL: Yeah it’s always the English teachers in high school.

CC: They just get it.

HL: Do you have any unique struggles as an Asian American, and is it amplified by your queer and immigrant identity?

CC: I think so many of us have struggled with this, this kind of invisibility, and in a lot of areas of culture and politics. So I feel I can understand why representation is such a big issue for many Asian Americans. I do think it’s not the only issue, or it doesn’t have to be the primary one. But yeah, I’d say, especially as a queer Asian American with this immigrant experience, that I have very rarely seen this kind of experience depicted anywhere. I feel motivated to depict my own experiences in my writing because of the lack because there’s been such a huge lack.

HL: I went to the library and I specifically asked for Asian American authors, and the librarian could only name Amy Tan and no one else. It was frustrating for me.

CC: It feels like we’re always fighting for that recognition. Other non-Asian people are always behind, either catching up or they have static knowledge about Asian American literature. It just stops developing at a certain point—after they’ve read one author, or two, maybe, and then that’s it. It can be frustrating to see that because there’s such a wealth of literature that I think people are missing out on.

HL: We only read boring old dead white men in high school and college.

CC: So many people just did not move on. I want people to be more curious and also take the initiative to educate themselves because I just think it’s so exciting and enriching what’s happening in Asian American literature.

HL: Do you feel like you feel stuck in your identity as an Asian American poet? For example, I remember when I was reading Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings, a collection of essays, she talked about how she felt like no one would take her seriously as an Asian poet.

CC: I do think that some of that has changed in recent years. I feel very lucky to have come up as a poet when I did because there was already a lot more going on in editing and publishing. There were a lot more books by Asian American poets, fiction writers, and non-fiction writers. Just in the last ten years, there’s been an explosion. It’s been great to see that. I didn’t feel as much pressure when my book came out. I didn’t feel like I needed to speak to the Asian American or Chinese American experience in a particular way, which I feel very fortunate about. 

In the past, I think there was a lot more pressure. I mean tokenizing still happens, but I think there was a lot more of that. And so there was the sense that to call yourself an Asian American writer can only mean one thing, that you have to represent a whole culture, a whole experience, in a simplified way and a palatable way, mainly for a white mainstream audience. I think that pressure has lessened, to some degree over the years, so I feel fortunate about that. 

And also just for me, I feel like identity is just so expansive and so complicated. I feel like I’m continuing to learn. I don’t feel like I can definitively say that being Asian American means X, Y, and Z. Because for me it changes too, at different points in my life, my relationship to that term. On thinking of myself as an Asian American writer, I embrace that label. I don’t find it restrictive really, because there are so many different styles and approaches and subject matter that you could call Asian American literature.

HL: One thing I have been dying to ask you about because I identify with it so much in your debut collection, you talk a lot about your fraught romantic relationships with white boys. I remember in elementary school when I would have a crush on the white boys in the class, I would just automatically assume he wouldn’t like me. I think I’m cute, but I’m not white, so I just automatically assumed he wouldn’t like me. I wanted to ask about how we don’t meet Eurocentric beauty standards. How did that influence your self-image?

CC: I think I internalized a lot of racism, because of that very issue—feeling like I wasn’t up to those beauty standards, those Eurocentric beauty standards, and being socialized to seek the attention of white men. So many of us are socially conditioned to do that in this culture. It’s taken me a long time to examine that, and I think I’m still processing it and examining it and unlearning certain things. Writing has been a way to process those experiences and those emotions. And, yeah, I feel especially in recent years, I’ve become a lot more self-loving. A lot more just embracing as well, of being Asian. 

I used to be very self-conscious and embarrassed about how I looked in photographs and I would beat myself up about it, feeling like I’m not attractive or I’m not good-looking in the standard ways. But I love taking selfies. I love posing in photos. I realized that in the past, I used to always make a funny face sort or strike a funny pose in photos. That was my way of getting around my discomfort. But I was looking back on it, and I realized that I was also trying to make other people comfortable. I was overcompensating for this anxiety and this insecurity that I had. And so now, I mean I still love doing funny things in photos, but I feel a lot more comfortable now just taking a regular picture and just looking like myself in photos. That’s taken a long time, to become more comfortable in my own skin. 

HL: I think I also used to do the same thing actually, like I would purposely try to make myself look bad in photos so that no one else could be like, oh, that’s not a good photo.

CC: You kind of sabotage it. Or you try to change the tone of it in a way so that it can’t be disappointing because it’s already funny or weird.

HL: One more poetry question! As a poet, you tend to capitalize on really striking emotional moments in your life. Your poem, “Race to the Tree,” was very emotional for me to read. Is there any cost to tapping into this vulnerability? Are you ever afraid to release a poem into the world? 

CC: Yeah, I do get nervous. I remember before this book was published, the first full-length book, I published these two chapbooks—much shorter collections—and the first one set the car on fire. It’s extremely autobiographical, personal poems, a lot about my family, a lot about being an immigrant, and a lot about sexuality. An earlier version of that poem that you just mentioned, “Race To The Tree,” is in that chapbook. I remember getting the galleys for that chapbook—the physical copy that the publisher sends you. It’s not the finished book yet, so it didn’t have the cover on it, but it was bound. Holding it in my hands for the first time, I vividly remember freaking out. Both in a good way, I was super excited, but also I was super nervous at the same time. It hit me that, oh, this is gonna go into the world. It’s still a small publication—this is a chapbook from this tiny press, but still, it just suddenly felt very real.

I had a similar feeling with the first book, although by that point I’d gotten used to it a bit. It takes some practice. In writing, I often tell my students this can be a really good sign. If you do feel scared about what you’re writing about or how you’re writing about it, it can be a good sign that you’re tapping into something complicated, not neatly resolved. It’s still this messy set of emotions that’s brought up for you. So, because of all that, usually, it leads to some good writing. But at the same time, I advise people to take care of themselves as well. Don’t push it if you’re not ready to, but if it feels urgent to you to go there, just allow yourself to do it in a certain way where it doesn’t harm you, ultimately, to be writing about those difficult subjects.

HL: When I write I want to tap into old relationships that ended badly, but I don’t want to annihilate people along the way. Do your parents ever get upset that you mention very intimate moments with them in your poems?

CC: They haven’t really mentioned anything. I think it does bother them sometimes, but I feel like especially at this point they get that I am my own person. I’m an adult now. I’m saying making my own choices. But I guess I always try to make it clear, too, that I’m trying to tell my own piece of the story. You know, like they’re often in the story that I’m writing about, but it’s my personal, subjective experience of it. I try to always focus on what has been my experience of our relationship—my relationship with them, rather than other aspects of their lives which I don’t feel I have as much access to. That’s where the focus is, and I hope that they understand that.

HL: Wow I learned so much about you and your writing, and it was very cool. Thank you! Can we take a selfie?

CC: For sure!

HL: I’ve been telling my friends about it, and they’re like: “Oh my gosh that’s so cool you get to interview Chen Chen.” How should we pose? What should we do?

CC: Let’s do one serious and one more playful. So let’s do the serious one first.

HL: Okay what should we do for playful?

CC: (Displays peace sign.)

HL: Thank you Chen! CC: Thank you for your questions! It was so nice to talk. HL: Do you have any parting words of wisdom? What’s your secret sauce to life? CC: Sleep. Take naps if you feel like it. Eat good snacks. I feel like I’m turning into my mom a bit, because now what I want to tell everybody and tell myself, remind myself, is that you have to take care of your body, before you can do other things—to make sure that you’re eating well, getting enough rest. Because I used to not take that so seriously, but now I feel like it’s really important. HL: Now that I’ve reached my mid-twenties, I feel like I can’t get away with stuff that I used to in the past. CC: Yeah, I think it’s you just feel better all-around when you’re not trying to push through things all the time, and you’re making time to take care of yourself. HL: Alright, so take naps and eat good food. Well, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day! CC: Thank you! Yeah! It was great to talk. HL: Ah I don’t know how to end this. CC: Yeah on Zoom it’s always kind of funny. Alright, see you!

[deliciouskeys]

For the assumptions meme! (Disregard this if you saw an Ask with a GIF; that’s mine. But if you don’t see it in your tumblr inbox, that’s because the GIF probably f*cked up sending that one so pls use this one as a substitute, haha.)

My first assumption about you is you might be Russian or somewhere European adjacent, based on the amount of Russian fics you’ve translated into English.

Second assumption is, between writing Homelander and Billy Butcher scenes, getting into Homelande’s headspace comes much more easily to you. And lastly, you seem like the type where you might have certain specific fics that you will read and certain fics that are less likely to—for lack of a better word—appeal to you? (If this is the case, I’m curious to hear if you have a personal fanfic rubric or criteria!)

1) I was indeed born in Moscow. Left Russia when I was 3, but maintained fluency. But don’t know enough slang and sex terms to translate fic from English to Russian. I can proofread for people translating my fics to Russian though! Before you ask: I hate Putin, don’t have any family there anymore, and have never gone back so very little ties to it beyond the lovely people from there that I meet on ao3 and tumblr

2) heh that’s interesting, because I feel the opposite. I wrote ZM entirely from Billy’s POV because I didn’t feel confident venturing into HL’s headspace full-time. And when I do write HL’s headspace I keep feeling like I need to retreat to Billy periodically to show a more balanced picture of what’s going on 😂 Both are fun to write though, and HL might be more fun in terms of being more unconventional.

3) eek, do I come across as picky? I guess I prefer fics where characters feel and sound like the canon ones (or are different in specific, consistent ways due to some particular setup or AU). If it’s a long fic, I usually prefer a canon divergence or AU altogether, but where some truth about the canon story/characters is revealed through the divergence. I don’t know…. I read many of the Butchlander fics, but I kudos more than I comment, like most people. I should comment on more of the ones I read, and at least cite a line that I liked, because god knows I like receiving comments.

[getawayheaven]

I keep checking your blog, thanks for all louis posts.. I love him..

From your responses it feels like you are a neutral, am not sure if I got it right.. may I know if you ever believed larry being real.. if so do you think or inclined about them being still together ... i was a larrie, I think I still am but I don't see that being true.. each and everyday this year harry being sooo disconnected or well the way he was, made me realize may they are not together anymore.. it's not a nice feeling but then it's not my life.. I've started seeing people even the big larry blogs saying that they are here for H & L and their relationship is not top of the list... it's like they are not willing to accept and just think they both write songs only for each other.. if you take any 2 artists and compare their lyrics it would be like that only and you'll find parallels.. FITF has no indication that ties up with H in anyway like habit..

You know what the only thing that hurts me is that, louis has gone through sooo much personally and professionally.. I just hope he has people who love him unconditionally around him and even if HL decided to part ways it did not hurt louis much, as I feel like he is kind of a person who is 'all in' in any kind of relationship and acts tough and not let people know his pain.. even larries kind of see harry as this fragile baby and kind of undermine louis' pain.. I just hope he has partner who loves him and his heart soo much... unconditionally..🤞🤞🤞🤞

Hi anon. You are most welcome😇.

Yes I am a neutral and yes I do believe that they have been together in the past. There are many Larry proofs that cannot be denied. But over the years I've been more inclined towards believing that they are not together anymore. But they very well could be. Who knows? And I feel the same about lyrics. If we compare Harry, Louis, Zayn and Taylor's lyrics, there are just so many parallels that we can make a whole love story from them like they have been dating for decades. So lyrics parallels just doesn't matter to me. And regrading other blogs, it's just, everyone has different opinions and larries here live on two assumptions. One they believe that Harry and Louis's life are not same anymore, they don't desperately want to come out anymore, they love their privacy and their current life more than anything, so there's no point of sending any solid hints or signs regarding their relationship or their closet. Hence the reason we don't get larry proofs anymore. Which can be very true. This is a possibility too. And second assumption is, that the signs that were related to larry before 10 years, still holds true for larry and will continue to relate to larry for next 10 years too no matter what happens. Like the colors blue and green.

I just don't find it relevant that we need to stick to some particular theories and we should not change our mind about that. It is entirely possible that their love faded over time and we would never know it. Why to force our own assumptions on both of them, when they just want fans to see them as separate solo artist rather than as a couple? Especially Louis.

Regarding Louis's pain. We can never know that anon. Never ever. I really thought that I will see Taylor crying out loud in public if Joe ever leave her but at the end of the day they are just artist. We will see what they want us to see. We can never know what they deal with in their private life. Louis loves his family a lot and he has very sweet and kind people around him. I just want him to be very successful and very happy. He has went through so much but he always bounce back with full force. He acts like he's not affected but I loved how he opened up his vulnerable side in AOTV. Same anon, I just hope he gets all the love in the world. He deserves sooo much better.