#they have a very… particular way of seeing HL

[twopoppies]

.

[extremely-judgemental]

I hated Cassian long before Nesta came into the picture. With SF, since it’s his narration, I hoped it would make me like him. Boy, was I wrong. Here are my reasons.

Cassian has a terrible childhood. He grows up in a camp where the adults are abusive and children are pitted against one another. He has to fight, bet and win supplies from other kids to survive. Until Rhysand’s mother takes him in. His life then takes a drastic turn and becomes far more bearable. Cassian’s basic needs such as shelter, clothing and food are taken care by Rhysand and his mother who live in a magical house that caters to them, while the other kids are scavenging for the same at the end of the day.

If you can’t confer this from the little we know about Cassian’s early life, I don’t think you will understand the rest below.

This is a huge privilege Cassian enjoys but never realises. No one else in the camp is ever subjected to this mercy. Cassian’s behaviour or view doesn’t change after experiencing the shift first hand and still carries the victim mentality after five centuries.

This is shown from the way he and Rhysand treat Azriel. He’s older than the two. He has no experience flying or fighting which is a common knowledge and everyone in the camp considers an ‘embarrassment’. Also, he has scar marks on his hands which are very obvious indication of his prior life. He chooses to learn to fly on his own, away from everyone because of the humiliation. Cassian admits, without remorse to the point of boasting about it, to seeking him out, beating Azriel up, and mocking him. This doesn’t happen in a training pit where they have no choice but to fight. Cassian then offers to help him learn, which is very similar to the ‘reach your hand’ tactic he uses with Nesta later.

He is clearly abusive to Azriel, a boy who’s been traumatised by his half-brothers, without a reason. None of his previous excuses of survival apply here as he doesn’t need it. The next day, Rhysand joins him.

A little tangent, I’m still convinced a little that both of them only chose to help this particular boy because of his shadowsinger abilities. They just didn’t want anyone else to get to him first. In the one year in between, they never took anyone under their wing. If they had truly wanted to help, they could have done very well without the abuse. Mocking I understand since it’s a hostile environment of young boys.

Azriel accepts them as friends which is often used as an explanation for Cassian/Rhysand’s good intentions. His own family treated him like a prisoner, his brothers torturing him whenever they pleased. He’s never met anyone outside the ones chosen by his family or known kindness in his life. He doesn’t see this as abuse because he wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong. He accepts the two boys who beat him to pulp and then ‘help’ him because they are comparatively better than his true brothers who burned his hands for a laugh. It doesn’t make Cassian/Rhysand a better person.

Coming back to Cassian’s privileges. Rhysand is the heir of HL of NC. Other kids could hate him and beat him up in training but no one would threaten his life even if he hadn’t been the strongest. Illyrians may defy Rhysand and his family, but no one is stupid enough to kill one of them. Now, Cassian is literally adopted by the heir and Lady of NC. He reaps all of these benefits through his arrangement whether he admits or not, and through the whole year before he and Rhysand become friends until Azriel’s arrival.

After Rhysand becomes HL, Cassian is made his War General. Sure, he is powerful, and his seven siphons and the Carynthian status prove it. But in the eyes of other soldiers, he’s the one Rhysand favoured over them because they are best friends. It’s a common mentality in such situations and Cassian doesn’t try to prove himself to them.

Illyrians live only in Illyria and in bands. Cassian moved to Velaris when he’s a War General and expected to live among them. While the other Generals and Lords take care of these people, he lives in a secret city and only visits these camps for appearances. He doesn’t own a place here as he always stays at the same Windhaven house, also considering he doesn’t own one in Velaris either. He essentially strips himself away from their core identity and traditions while expecting them to respect him as their own when he lives like a prince since Rhysand.

He also destroys an entire camp avenging his mother right after he becomes a warrior.

During Amarantha’s reign, he’s in Velaris while Illyria is suffering. Since some of the bands are allied with Amarantha, they must have known Cassian and Azriel weren’t UtM, letting them believe IC has truly abandoned their people. Immediately after her death, the three hunt the rest of these bands and kill them instead of giving a proper justice/punishment. After all this, he expects them to obey his commands in a war without questioning him.

In the 500 years, he does nothing to change the lives of these people. There are few mentions of banning wing clipping which is not enforced though. He could have improved the lives of young boys by advocating for better conditions—hostels, proper meals, and clothes without having to fight each other for it, maybe a few new rules for this brutal training. But none of it. He hands out blankets in winter to his people. Given how much Rhysand and Feyre boast about their wealth, they could ration out these provisions for everyone every month or year instead of making it look like charity from Cassian.

In 500 years, he manages to start a female fight club which garnered like. . .20 women (iirc). It’s obvious it was just a plot leading to Valkriyes and for Nesta’s arc. Even then, these women are doing chores and then training. He berates the men around these women, provoking them and returning to Velaris, leaving them to endure more hatred/violence from their people.

He literally doesn’t do anything of importance. He trains, bullies, and picks fights. His dream to reform his race is pathetic since he literally does nothing.

And then there’s Morrigan situation. Everyone makes it sound like a favour he did to her. Cassian could have denied her. He did it only to hurt Azriel and tear the two apart. He admits to his jealousy, and to his regret which he feels after he gets what he wants. And he so vividly describes how the sex goes. This is how far this regret extends. Playing buffer means being in the same room as them so the situation doesn’t get out of hand, or interrupting the conversion to keep it comfortable. But he flirts with Morrigan knowing it hurts Azriel and exchanges inappropriate gifts with her in front of everyone including his mate.

I’m not going to get into the whole SF disaster here. But, there’s one scene in MAF where they visit the Archeron’s estate for the first time. Cassian has so much empathy for the Illyrian women doing chores in the camps but doesn’t extend the same to Nesta who had been doing it since their mother died (or at least after they lost their servants) and their family fell into poverty. He understands the struggles of being poor and his heart breaks for Feyre who once starved but not Nesta and Elain who must have gone through the same too.

Cassian is not a villain in anyone’s story but he’s a man child and bully. He’s a classic abuser whose targets and methods constantly evolve. He’s a hypocrite. He states how grateful he is to Rhysand but not to the perks he enjoys every single day. He loves to play the victim while abusing and hurting the ones around him. He loves to exercise his power and authority while pretending to be an underdog. Illyria being a fucked up place filled with cruel people is just an excuse for Cassian to be cruel. It’s a cover up for how ugly he truly is.

[ladydeath-vanserra]

in all seriousness, Beron in the HL Meeting was so interesting to read. One of the things I've always enjoyed about fae in literature is how they use words as weapons, when they know what to say, how to say it to get the reaction they want

as instigative and callous as Beron was in the HL Meeting, he raised legitimate questions. even if he was a dickhead while he did it.

judging by his first response to Feyre, he does not believe them. Beron is very old. He's *seen* Rhys in action. He *knows* Rhys' father. He *knows* Keir. Beron reads like a very old school fae

Look at how Lucien speaks. He speaks in an almost poetic "Gentry Fae" way. Eris speaks in a very similar way. It'd stand to reason they got this particular trait from their upbringing with Beron as a father

Beron, who is very old, who has seen Rhys in all his evil mask-ery with his apartheid state court, who he was UtM with, who knew Rhys' father and was political allies with Keir, why *would* he believe that Rhys is actually this progressive and just and good fae male. why *would* he believe that Rhys was her victim all along. it fits a rather convenient time frame

I am not reading Beron "making fun of Rhys being raped". I am reading a cruel and capricious *faerie* toying with someone who has a long history of being a *liar*

He has a point in that ofc Feyre, who gave the name of an innocent girl, who is now in a relationship with the man who sexually assaulted her, isn't exactly a reliable source of information. *Why* would he believe her

I am not reading Beron making fun of Rhys being raped with the "who knew a cock could be so persuasive". I am reading a cruel faerie looking at a set of circumstances that conveniently leaves Rhys' hands clean of the deaths of a dozen kids

all they have to go on is Rhys' word. He doesn't even provide a name of the Daemati who Amarantha set after them. Beron is very old. I don't exactly see him as someone who is gonna just *trust* what Rhys has to say when he also has alliances with Keir in the CoN, who aren't allowed out from underneath that mountain or into Velaris

Why *would* he believe him when Rhys has a five hundred year old track record of being evil incarnate in the Night Court

Yes. I find it hilarious, in a very entertained way, of reading a cruel and capricious old faerie high lord poke and prod at someone he does not believe because he has no reason To believe him. It reads like a cat playing with a mouse, to me. Like dragging the actual truth out of Rhys (granted we know it's the truth. doesn't mean Beron does). Is it okay? OBVIOUSLY NOT

that doesn't mean I didn't find it interesting and enjoyable to read

@kateprincessofbluewhales

[maybeiwasjustjade]

The Tragedy that is the Vanserra family

*I just want to preface this by saying that I’m well aware that this might be a controversial opinion. My issue is simply with how that particular pairing was written, because clearly not a lot of thought was put into it when SJM changed canon to fit this pairing in. This was also not written with the intention of victim blaming. Only that this plot genuinely sucks ass because it makes everyone out as uglier than need be.

For such minor characters (sans Lucien, and Eris to an extent), the dynamics SJM has blessed us with paints such an interesting family coated in absolute tragedy. It also doesn’t help that almost all of it was seen through Feyre’s pov—who’s not exactly reliable nor capable of introspection most times.

All we know so far of Beron and his relationship with his children amounts to:

Aside from Helion and Rhysand, Beron’s the only HL that was active during the war 500 years ago.

He abuses his wife, though when it started is still ???

He routinely tortures Eris, and more than likely all his remaining children

He LOATHES Lucien

And it’s so easy to paint Beron as this needlessly cruel, manipulative 2D bastard who only exists to cause pain and carnage over everyone that breathes near him. The male tortures his children and sentenced one of them to death for falling in love with someone ‘lesser’—that alone makes him the worst male to come out of acotar by a landslide.

But there’s an art to Beron’s cruelty that SJM could have fun with. Routinely siccing and manipulating his children against each other, forever ensuring that they’d be too busy fighting and hating each other over him so that they’d be unable to overthrow him. And maybe he does have his reasons. Maybe he thinks that this is the only way possible to raise an heir that would be ruthless and merciless enough to overthrow him and destroy his competitors—probably the same thing Beron did to claim his throne. And if the children are too busy with each other to go after him…all the better.

Show them no compassion. Torture all the disobedience out of them to make them strong. Pit them against each other to please him. Heinous tactics, but evidently it works when Eris and Lucien are the results of it.

But this dynamic only works if that was who Beron is, and how he was raised to be. I don’t suppose we’ll ever really know, not unless a large chunk of Lucien’s future storyline revolves around his roots in Autumn. But knowing sjm and how dirty she did Spring, Lucien’s arc will be about Day.

But back to Beron and the LoA:

Curious how the LoA is still nameless, but SJM purposely and canonically provided a timeline to show how much of a poor victim the LoA is. I want to make it clear that I am not condoning the abuse the LoA is facing from Beron. I don’t think anyone deserves to be abused or tortured the way Berons does his family, nor will anything justify it.

However, I am side-eyeing the way she WROTE Helion and LoA’s affair. I think what she little she wrote yet specifically gave painted them both as absolute fucking morons.

Canonically, we have no idea if Beron knows without doubt that Lucien isn’t his. Hell, we have no proof that he even knew about Helion at all; only that Helion certainly believes so, and what Feyre perceives as the truth. And that truth is ugly.

My opinion is that for the story to work, Beron can’t have known about Helion specifically. An affair perhaps, but not specifically who. Why? Because I wouldn’t doubt Beron would have killed Helion for it the moment he found out. Helion wasn’t High Lord until <50 years pre-Acotar. If Beron wanted Helion dead for having an affair with his wife, I doubt even the previous HL would have stopped Beron from lobbing of Helion’s head. Now assuming Beron knew about the affair specifically, but not about Lucien, I can see canon coming to fruition.

The only issue is Lucien’s features. He needs to look very, very similar to the LoA and not at all Helion. If Beron knew it was Helion, he’d be paying double attention on Lucien’s features to see who sired him. But say he doesn’t care who did it, only that it did. Lucien was screwed from the getgo as a possible affair baby. But that’s hardly the biggest issue with how the affair was written.

According to Helion’s recount of his affair, it started during the war when he rescued the LoA. Sure, rumor has it they met before her marriage, but it wasn’t until then that it became an actual affair. And it lasted decades. We don’t know how old Lucien is. Most have guessed that he can’t be older than ~400 at series starts. Following the timeline provided by Helion, there’s about 130 years age gap between Eris and Lucien, and five sons between. The LoA had at least two more kids born before the war started, leaving three sans Lucien to be born after.

See where I’m going with this?

If the affair only ended because Beron found out, preferably before Lucien was born or he’d be dead at birth, then on-off or no, that affair lasted a century. My question is: did Beron begin tormenting his wife before or after he found out about the affair? And was he already torturing his children before he found out, or was that punishment for what their mother did?

If Beron only began abusing and assaulting the LoA after Helion, then there’s a chance he only started hurting his sons around that time too. It also begs the question on whether or not Helion sired more than one Vanserra child. Even if the answer was no, it’s not like Beron would believe the LoA. Not after she cuckolded him. So he hurts her as punishment, doubling that pain by going after all their children too.

Lucien especially, for being mama’s favorite. I doubt Beron ever had to do much to encourage the torment Lucien faced from his brothers. He never had to; she did it to him all on her own by loving him best. And in a household where everything is a competition and love a weakness, Lucien was weakest by being the most loved. Oh, how they must’ve loathed him for it. His birth was the reason their lives became a living hell. A mother that perhaps loved them, but not enough if she outright favored the youngest, knowing his existence was their punishment.

But that’s the kinder story, if you can believe it. A female who was never happy, who found happiness outside her wedded husband, and was punished for it terribly. Her cold husband turned cruel bastard, who punished her for the crime of finding joy outside of him and their children. She didn’t know this was going to be her future.

Yet, the alternative is so much worse.

Because it implies that Beron already was a cruel and abusive bastard, who already hurt his wife and children immensely, and the LoA went and had an affair anyway. I can’t blame her for wanting to escape from Beron. Perhaps she was actually happy with Helion. But she did it knowing that the punishment would be so much worse if Beron found out, and he did.

Helion couldn’t have protected her. Claiming Lucien as his son would’ve been a death sentence to both from Beron’s wrath. And with a century long affair, there was no proof that Lucien was the only one that wasn’t Beron’s child. Not unless most of the Vanserras look like their father more, and we don’t even know that because they have no names or features described. And even then, the LoA was lucky that Lucien’s skin tone and features favored her instead.

I don’t care that a woman cheated on her abusive husband repeatedly. You do you, and all that. I care that the LoA is written as knowing what an absolute monster her husband already was to their living children, and clearly not thinking of what he’d do to them if she’s caught. This is Beron—he could’ve killed all their children as punishment. The man tortures his son bloody—I wouldn’t put it past him to kill them all and start fresh. She put them in so much danger by having Lucien.

I don’t like the way Helion knows what a bastard Beron is, yet not caring when he had a century long affair with a HL’s wife, knowing that she might be killed if found out. And he would be powerless to stop it.

I don’t like how neither of them even considered that she might’ve gotten pregnant from their affair, especially knowing that the LoA already had SIX CHILDREN.

I hate how their affair is going to be spun into some kind of romance of the ages, mates who were forcibly separated by a monster, when in reality it’s more like the love story of two morons who didn’t spare a single braincell to actually think before going back to each other often enough to have a whole ass CHILD.

Jfc, SJM definitely didn’t think through enough when she decided to add this into the story. Too many plot holes, and not enough sense to justify the absolute stupidity of cuckolding a High Lord with someone who couldn’t even protect her if they were caught. She wanted drama but spared no thought to logic, per usual.

[sloanesallow]

Charmed

This is a re-work of some old fanfic, written for the "Lucky Charm" event on the HL Discord server. Just some Ominis banter, Quidditch playing Sebastian and an MC who won't admit her feelings. SFW | 2k words [Read on Wattpad] - [Masterlist]

On the afternoon of tryouts, Sloane sits in the high-rise stands, using an old pair of binoculars to view the players as they gather on the field below. Ominis is at her side, darkened glasses perched on his nose to protect his eyes from the sun. If he had it his way, he wouldn’t be there at all–but both made a promise to their friend to attend for “moral support”. 

When the school year started, it was Headmaster Black’s full intention to continue the ban on Quidditch, for reasons unspecified. After a month of pestering from Madam Kogawa and the prospective players, he finally relented and begrudgingly allowed the sport to resume. Sloane pays the notices no mind, still too afraid of flying to have a desire to play. It was surprising when Sebastian announced his intent to join, looking for a healthy distraction. It would be, in his words, a positive change from last year’s extracurricular activities. 

And so, instead of spending the morning studying for the upcoming Charms exam, she is observing, trying and failing to make sense of how exactly Quidditch is played. It doesn’t take very long before she finds herself focusing on one person in particular. Sebastian is on the field, waiting for his turn on Imelda’s test circuit. Sloane isn’t brave enough to tell him in person, but he looks rather dashing in the uniform, standing confidently amongst the nervous hopefuls.

The outfit makes her realize just how much he’s grown over the summer, broad shoulders filling out his clothes, lanky limbs replaced with toned muscle. Every day he seems that much taller than her, grinning when he has to tilt his head down to meet her eyes. There is still a hint of boyish charm in his face, but nearly all the cute baby-fat has disappeared from his cheeks, leaving a handsome man instead. 

Sloane ponders the changes to her own body and how awkward the process is. She knows her hair has started to grow out, the ash-blonde waves reaching past her shoulders, long enough now for a small braid. While she hasn’t gotten any taller, she’s had to replace most of her wardrobe when her bust seemed to slightly increase in size overnight, the new curve to her hips harder to hide beneath her skirts. Puberty is mentally exhausting, too, with how unexpectedly wild her emotions become. One thing she did not expect is how hopelessly boycrazy she feels, and how it sends her usual anxiety soaring. 

What little knowledge she has about romance has been gleaned from novels, Jane Austen and Emily Bronte filling her childhood bookshelf. They make it seem so easy and effortless, when in reality, falling in love is terrifying, embarrassing, and potentially maddening. But it could also be exciting and delightful, the swirling of butterflies in her stomach making it feel as if she is in a perpetual state of floating. 

Though, she isn’t in love yet, is she?

Ominis hums, sounding amused. “Surely there must be something more interesting than Sebastian to focus your attention on.”

How does he do that? Sloane lowers the binoculars to peer at him. “Are you teasing me?”

A small smirk breaks through his usual stoic expression. “Now why would I do that?”

Sloane softly chuckles, enjoying this cheeky side to Ominis, more frequent now that the chaos of fifth year is (mostly) behind them. In building a new foundation for their friendship, he’s become more relaxed around her, allowing her to see the personality that made him Sebastian’s best mate and closest confidant. Ominis has also changed since they first met, sharpened features hinting at the man he’ll soon be. He’s sprouted up too, and to Sebastian’s dismay, will likely be the tallest of their group by the end of the school year. Conventionally speaking, he is very handsome–pretty even, and Sloane wonders if Ominis knows it. Where Sebastian is indifferent about his appearance, Ominis is pristine in presentation, not a single hair out of place. She wonders if there are any potential suitors he’s been keeping secret. 

“I want to ask you something, but I don’t want it to come off as intrusive, or rude,” Sloane starts. Ominis nods, silently urging her to continue. “How do you know if you are attracted to someone?” 

His eyebrows lift in curiosity. “Romantically? Are you asking me specifically, or generally?” 

“Perhaps a little of both,” she answers. “I know that physical attraction isn’t the most important thing when choosing a partner, but–”

“How could I possibly tell the difference between a great beauty and a dud?” 

Sloane rolls her eyes, “you don’t have to put it that way.”

“Honestly, with no frame of reference, I find whatever preferences I may have are tied more closely to someone’s aura, their personality,” he explains with a sigh, tilting his head to the side in thought. “I was still a young boy when I taught myself how to read speech patterns. You can learn a lot about someone’s character by the way they speak.”

“I suppose it’s a cliche to assume you’d want to touch someone’s face to learn their features, correct?” 

“That’s…far too intimate,” Ominis shakes his head. “I may not be able to tell you what color your eyes are, or if you have dimples, but over the years and with the help of my wand…if I focus well enough, I can envision what someone’s expression is during conversation. Though, I don’t need it now to know you are smiling.” 

Sloane feels a tad bit shy. “That’s…remarkable, Ominis.” 

“I try,” he chuckles. “Sebastian says you have a very pretty smile. I’m inclined to believe him.” 

“Flatterer,” she murmurs, blushing as she flicks her gaze back over the railing to try and spot their friend. “Sebastian really said that?”

“He says a lot about you,” Ominis doesn’t elaborate, his expression untelling. 

Sloane playfully swats his arm, prompting him to laugh. Curiosity be damned, she wants to know more. “You’re friends with Sebastian—”

“Regrettably,” he interjects, humorously. “You are, too.”

“Yes, but you’ve known him longer,” she drags her teeth across her bottom lip. “What can you tell me about his past…liaisons?” 

“Pardon?”

Oh, this is a mistake. Sloane feels the embarrassment spread–this isn’t the same as giggling gossip sessions in the Hufflepuff common room, where the other girls excitedly share stories of stolen kisses and raunchy letters. Not that she ever actively participates–the only kisses she experiences are the ones in her dreams. 

“Oh. I understand,” Ominis says, cutting through her thoughts. “It’s quite comical, actually, how Sebastian’s reputation has been blown out of proportion when it comes to liaisons,” he mimics her, but waves his hand in dismissal. “He is no Lothario. As long as I’ve known Sallow, he has never shown any interest in courting anyone, preferring to break curfew in the library than out sneaking around with a giddy skirt. Especially after Anne got sick, the last thing on his mind was romance”

“The gossip-grapevine is not true, Siobhan. Whatever you may have heard,” Ominis assures. “Trust me, Sebastian would’ve jumped at the first opportunity to tell me if he was experienced, regardless of my objections.” 

Sloane can feel the heat radiating off her face. Does that mean Sebastian is still uninterested? Has she been misinterpreting their closeness for something entirely platonic? She almost regrets bringing it up in the first place. “I…don’t know what to say.”

“If it makes you feel better, his laissez faire attitude has gradually disappeared over the last year,” he offers. “Just about when you arrived.” 

“Me?”

Ominis half-shrugs as if to say obviously. At least that’s what Sloane wants to believe. Is he insinuating that Sebastian likes her? Does Sebastian want something beyond innocent friendship? She doubts Ominis would imply such a thing unless there is some truth to the matter. But his lack of clarity makes her wonder if she should not press the issue, and just let nature take its course, so to speak. It is a lot to process, considering she is still trying to figure out if her feelings are more than just a school-girl crush. 

The tone shifts and Ominis turns his head towards her–it’s the most he can do without being able to make direct eye contact. “He is like my brother. He is my chosen family, for better or worse. I have no love lost for my Gaunt relatives, and if I’ve learned anything in the last year, it is that I will always be loyal to Sebastian.” 

It takes a moment for Sloane to respond, softly smiling. “Are you…telling me not to hurt him?”

“Not exactly. My hope is that Sebastian doesn’t completely fumble the situation that is slowly presenting itself. Not again,” Ominis states, mirroring her expression. “I’m rather fond of you, Siobhan. It will be good for Sebastian to have some…good in his life.” 

Oh. Sloane perks up, realizing what he means. Her mind races, imagining a hundred different scenarios, wondering what exactly Sebastian has been revealing to his friend, intentionally or not. What else does Ominis know? Before she can ask, a flash of green whizzes by, circling around their heads and the perimeter before hovering just out of reach near the railing. 

Sebastian flashes a wide mouthed grin, laughing as he removes his padded helmet and shakes out his hair. Sweat curls the ends even more than usual, chocolate-brown strands sticking to his forehead. His freckles are more prominent in the sunlight and Sloane wonders how long it would take to trace each one with her fingertip. She shakes the thought from her mind, forcing her own bashful smile. She prays her cheeks aren’t as red as she imagines. 

“Enjoying yourself?” she asks, standing up and carefully leaning against the railing to be closer. 

“I forgot how thrilling it is to fly,” Sebastian answers, breathless and excited. “Are you sure I can’t take you for a ride?”

Sloane bites the tip of her tongue as Ominis stifles a snicker, both catching the unintended innuendo. At least she hopes it is unintended–she’d feel scandalized otherwise. “I–I’m sure.” 

“Rain check, then…” Sebastian’s smirk is frustratingly handsome. He glances down at the field below. “We’re about to run the course one last time, then Imelda will post her decisions in a few hours. Given how much she already dislikes me, I was wondering if either of you had a good luck charm handy.” 

“Yes, because I regularly keep such trinkets on my person,” Ominis sarcastically replies. 

“Just make one!” Sebastian argues. 

“That defeats the purpose!”  

“Not if you charm it correctly!” 

“Correctly? What do you take me for, an incompetent first-year?” 

Sloane sighs at their bickering and searches her belongings for something that can be easily charmed and worn. With a quick tug she removes the short, silk tie from her shirt collar and readies her wand. The two look on with a mix of curiosity and trepidation, understandable given her magic’s recent instability. But a good luck charm is simple enough, right? 

The first flick of her wand produces nothing. She anxiously laughs and reins in her focus, whispering under her breath. If you don’t work and provide the good luck Sebastian needs, I’ll break you in half and take you back to Olivander—

Another swish and a shimmer coats the fabric, disappearing with a blink.  Sloane silently thanks whatever forces came through for her. “Ta-da!” 

Sebastian maneuvers his broom closer to the stands, extending his arm to her. She nervously pushes up his sleeve just enough to wrap the golden fabric around his wrist, tying it off with a small knot. His gloved fingers trail against her forearm and she wonders if he can feel the rapid pattern of her pulse. It isn’t until he flexes his hand and looks down at the makeshift charm that she is reminded of the fairy tales she read growing up, in which gallant knights asked beautiful princesses for favours before battle. 

There is a different kind of shine to his eyes as he gazes at her, lips slowly curling into a smile. “Thank you.” 

As she watches Sebastian fly away, she notices Ominis regarding her with an all-knowing expression. “You’re never getting that back.” 

“I know.” 

[hanbindans]

zerobaseone as IB students (headcanons)

some fun headcanons for my fellow students. please take these with a grain of salt, obviously I don't know them personally and these are just meant to be fun :) word count: 1.1 k (ca 140 for each) a/n: this is for a very niche target audience but it makes sense in MY head. also I have exams in less than 2 weeks so this is kind of representative of where my mind is at rn. and PSA if you're also an IB student please don't actually skip TOK <3

jiwoong

what's that?? "he's a 24 year old man, it's been years since he completed high school??" sorry I can't hear you too well I'll just go ahead and write this headcanon anyway <3

he's such a drama kid and he would take it even in IB, so theatre and korean lit would be his HLs

I feel like he would take bio and psych sl purely out of curiosity and then immediately regret it when he realizes how much content there is (but would be really good at psych)

aa sl!!! no particular reason tbh I just think he's kind of smart

doesn't understand tok. like...... at ALL. is saved by the fact that his psychology EE is pretty good because he pretty much flunks tok miserably

CAS defender because "guys it builds character I think it's great that we all do volunteer work :))" bless his heart

hanbin

7 subjects :)

is good at tok probably

genuinely puts SO much time and effort into his cas and regrets it in the end but it looks cool on his resumé

psychology and korean lit HL, probably takes VA too but maybe as sl. he gives such lit vibes I feel like he would totally be a literature kid

chinese ab!!!! and maybe ESS because he can and doesn't like science <3

AI SL just because he's so social science but he gets 6s and 7s because it's too easy for him <3

basically he's all the social science subjects but because they're FUN not because they're easy :)

shares notes and study resources in the class group chat because he's cool like that

zhang hao

science kid

HL math AA, geography, and maybe chem or bio. maybe takes physics SL too.

definitely chinese lang/lit and korean ab (he could definitely do korean B but he can't be bothered)

you won't catch him anywhere without a comically large energy drink

completely numbed on the inside but also puts more effort in than everyone else and gets straight 7's

skips tok though because he can't be asked

does his EE on a very niche obsession of his and it gets a really good grade but he puts way too much effort into it

everyone wants to learn his ways but he doesn't do study groups because he gets too annoyed lmao. WILL tell juniors chatting in the library to stfu

he will complain about anything and everything any chance he gets but also catch him getting that 45 at the end of the day.

taerae

also science kid but a lot less intense

HL bio, chem, music, SL AA, korean lang/lit and japanese ab

he would complain SO MUCH about group 2 btw he's one of those science kids who really doesn't want to do 2 languages lol

really only cares about music to be honest but does the sciencey subjects because he thinks they're cool and gets pretty good grades

the type to do a hyper specific science IA and spend way too much time on it just for shits and giggles because he likes pouring things into beakers and swirling them

unintentionally does the most for his CAS, like "oh a service??? yeah I've been tutoring guitar for like 6 months does that count" and genuinely fails to see how other people struggle with it

also excells at tok, like genuinely writes an amazing philosophical TOK essay and gets full marks

ironically cares so little about IB but somehow does so well because he genuinely likes his subjects (and has an iq of like 150)

matthew

7 subjects :)

wants to do more languages than he's allowed because he's just built like that, he likes flexing his multilingualism

HL english lang/lit, french B, history. SL AA, bio, chem, psych

is annoyingly good at all his subjects like HOW are you doing all that and remembering everything?? secretly kind of a genius

does the mostest for his IAs for absolutely no reason other than he's just interested in his subjects and wants to do fun projects :)

also genuinely likes CAS for the same reason (play sports feed stray cats, what's not to like?)

super ambitious classmate who is somehow the only one still sane and always happy

encourages everyone before tests and exams like "come on guys we can do it!! :)"

ricky

this is more likely than you think like do you know how many rich international kids do IB??? in an alternate reality he's M23

visual art HL <33

probably business management HL too, but I could see him doing psych as well!! I think he'd enjoy the human relationships option

chinese lang/lit and english B because why do a bilingual diploma and struggle when you could just breeze through english B?????

AI and ESS sl because he cba, he just wants to pass fr.

to be honest he only really cares about visual art (does his EE in it and regrets it every day) and his social science a liiittle bit, other than that he's just doing exactly as much as he needs to pass

super chill classmate though like all IB kids need a Ricky in their class to humble our god complexes

gyubin

IB but because he's an exchange student :') like he didn't even know what IB was when he started it

cramming the night before tests because he can't be asked to dedicate his whole life to studying

actually the nicest classmate though

eng b HL and breezes through it

ESS and AI sl together with ricky (they sit in the back of the class and snack together <3)

also like business management/psychology or something equivalent but he's REALLY good at it and gets easy 7's?? like he will be that 1 kid who has that 1 subject that he's an absolute god at

cries every tok lesson but it's alright

favourite part is ironically CAS because he has an excuse to volunteer at dog shelters and play basketball with his friends :)

gunwook

peak IB child I bet he would take this programme for real

4 hls (economics, psychology, korean lang lit, chemistry)

I have no justification for these subjects btw I just spat out 4 that I think he would take. he definitely would do 4 HLs though because that's how he rolls

ALSO takes cas very seriously for absolutely no reason

also takes tok SUPER seriously- he will lead class discussions and get into heated debates about stupid shit like if newspeak would work in real life

AA sl and japanese ab because that's just his vibes

kind of overworked but is always helpful and shares notes with his classmates :)

does his EE in economics and ends up getting way too invested in it and becomes obsessed with economic development policies or something niche like that (nerd but affectionately <3)

very stressed and overworked but he WILL get those grades at the end of the day <33

[deliciouskeys]

Preface: I’m a card carrying member of the Homelander Is So Cute UwU club, and a lot of the fic I consume is various ways to get a redemption wish fulfillment.

And even with this level of HL bs tolerance, I periodically come across a sentiment in this fandom that, frankly, gives me bad vibes: “HL is not written as a rapist in the TV show and Becca would have been the one outlier event, so it probably didn’t happen that way.”

Are we watching the same show? The creepy way he talks over Maeve at the race in S1E3, the way he strongarms his way into a fake relationship with Starlight in S3, the threat of harvesting Maeve’s eggs right after assuring he’d never do something as gross as force himself on her…. Are all pretty rapey.

It’s a particular flavor of rapey, and quite different from the one in the Garth Ennis comics, granted. At the risk of being reductive, I’ll reference the Groth rapist subtyping (proven problematic when used to categorize real people but good enough for this):

HL in the comics is presented a sadistic rapist: The type that gets off on their victim’s suffering, that likes to emphasize their victim’s helplessness, and the power differential between them. This goes for Starlight’s initiation, Becca’s rape, and even colors the Soldier Boy herogasm scene which is allegedly consensual but definitely not in the #metoo era.

HL in the show is presented as a power rapist: the type that actually plays down any power differential, and wants to delude themselves into thinking that the victim was willing all along or (perhaps even better!) came around because of the rapist’s sheer sexual prowess. The force used is often soft— words over physicality— and sometimes oblique (I.e. ‘the implication’ in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia). The usual MO of the daterapist.

Homelander being nervous and subby with Madelyn doesn’t negate those scenes— she has a very particular role in his life to have that dynamic with him. The possibility of him being ‘groomed’ by her at an early age doesn’t negate that either. If anything, people who are sexually abused are more likely to become abusers themselves.

All that said, can you hc that he isn’t a rapist? Can you write fic set in a universe where these scenes didn’t happen? Of course.

Am I saying Kripke and team did an impeccable, nuanced job with this subject matter? No.

But I cringe every time I see the “HL could never rape anyone ever, he lasers people but he’s a sub and we all know subs can’t rape anyone, and that’s canon!” discourse on tumblr, and its close cousin on Reddit of “HL is so awesome, why would he need to rape anyone / who would ever refuse him.”

………… and now you can argue with me if you want lol, the floor is yours.

[goldmanguyperson]

You can request updated satellite imagery on Google Earth, anywhere on the globe.

It may not be heeded, but you can do it. If you want to request Google Earth to update imagery over Gaza, you can center your map on the Gaza strip or anywhere inside, go to “Help”, and go to “Send Feedback”. (info from https://support.google.com/earth/community-guide/259934888/google-earth-imagery-updates?hl=en.) It’s not like we have no satellite information for Gaza. Maxar Technologies, a satellite imagery company, already has images of Gaza post destruction from 2023. They can be seen in this CNN article.

The Earth is big, and Google likely isn’t going to update areas with little interest, but if you show your interest, we might be able to get them to update it. Of course Israel also has the power to request them not to, which is likely also happening. Some satellite imagery companies already have restricted imagery from Gaza because it could show where Israeli forces are hiding, at least according to this Times of Israel article. But nothing small you can do is ever not worth a try.

Why would we want satellite imagery of Gaza?

It makes it incredibly easy to show what Israel has done. If you’ve taken a look at Mariupol on Google Maps recently, you would be able to see decimated schools, destroyed homes, blackened parks, and a ground littered with clear impacts from missiles. A destroyed hospital, a destroyed school, a waterpark missing its clear blue water, mere miles from the border with Israel, could say a lot with no words at all.

I’m someone who goes and looks through devastated areas on Google Maps occasionally. I think i’m probably one of very few who do this, because it’s weird, but it’s a very easy way to see what war and human-borne devastation does and looks like from your seat at home. And Google Maps and Earth in particular are very interesting and harrowing, because you can see what those places were before they were destroyed. You can know that that was a school, a hospital, a restaurant, a marriage venue. It’s marked on the map. You can see people having a good time in the images they posted in those little image carousels. You can see a group of restaurant workers giving a thumbs up to a camera. You can go into a photosphere and see of one of those backyard seat swings outside, covered in outdoor pillows and bundled up knitted blankets. You can see a man in a wheelchair outside a lit up restaurant at night. These are all things I have found while looking around Gaza right now. You can be there from a world away. You could see what was done to their homes from a world away. Online map services with satellite imagery aren’t just for finding the fastest route, or righting yourself when you get a little lost on a walk. It’s a massive collection of images showing you what the world has looked like in the past few years. It’s a way to feel connection from across the world. it’s a way to know even just a little bit of what’s happening, without anyone ever needing to tell you.

thumbs up guys, i love you and i hope you are safe

[highladyjane]

Yes Elriel is so Healthy and full of passion when Azriel hasn't thought beyond his sexual fantasies ( he masturbated to headache powder 🤮 ) . You want Elain to be with a guy who thinks of her as only the third sister and doesn't even think about the consequences of Luciens Death On Elain ? Have you forgotten the part that Said mates would mad if their other half died ? And please don't start on the cauldron made them fake mates bullshit , the cauldron doesn't decide mates the Mother does 🙄

Thank you for your short rant and for being interested enough in my thoughts and opinion to warrant me with an Ask 😊

I don't really know which of my posts this directly pertains to, so I will just assume it's because I'm generally pro-Elriel. I do like Lucien as a character though, I just simply don't ship him with Elain.

Knowing myself, this will end up longer than intended since this did spark a bit of reflection for me, so I will try to stay as relevant and short as I possibly can 😅 So, to actually answer your Ask...

1. Ehm, it's not the headache powder he's masturbating to 😆 It's who gave it and what it might imply: that Elain sees him too, as well as the hope and possibilities of her liking him back after him being in love with someone else for 500 years who never returned his feelings. Hopefully, you've had the experience of fantasizing about a crush sometime? Sometimes feelings can be so consuming that one's fantasies simply strays to the explicit. We wouldn't have the ACOTAR books if it wasn't for those kind of fantasies. Also, in no way do I find Elriel "full of passion" since they haven't even got a chance to act on said passion - which is why Azriel chooses to please himself through thoughts of her instead of actually going down to a pleasure hall and a series of other women and the consequences of that... Which for you is more healthy? Are we going to ignore the times Nesta and Cassian masturbated to the thought of each other too? I don't even want to go down the path of what Nesta did in the start of her story (nor about her very particular "daydream" at that) because she thought she didn't deserve Cassian... Though I think it's what led to Nesta and Az having such a great understanding of each other too, btw 😊

2. I think Azriel knows of the consequences of what will happen (he should at least be old enough to know lol) which is why he's trying to avoid Elain and acting on his feelings for her. He knows what a mating bond implies. But he's questioning why he didn't get the third sister because he's clearly feeling a sort of pull towards that third sister specifically (not necessarily implying a bond here). He just hasn't planned for what will happen if Elain actually acts on/chooses him, because he doesn't think she will and because he doesn't think he deserves her. I don't think he'd ever kill Lucien just because; but what I think he asserts is that if it were to come to it, he would have the right to defend himself, Elain's choice, and be the one to walk away from it (remember Az vs Eris+Beron at the HL meeting and who overpowered who? + Feyre musing about Lucien in comparison to the Illyrians?) so it's not Lucien he's worried about. I'd think he'd even let Lucien win just to avoid whatever it might cause Elain and because he has enough self-loathing and insecurities for it. But I reeeeeally doubt it will come to that, since it doesn't feel like Lucien's too desperate or to keen on keeping the bond either. I mean, I can see him being upset, but he seems to feel equally "shackled" in the situation since he "can't even stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes" (ACOFAS ch. 18). From what Lucien's shown, he's been respectful enough about the distance between him and Elain, so I think, especially considering the connection of this plot to what his mother went through, he'd be respectful of what Elain chooses too - even if the hurt or bond might affect them both for the rest of their lives. I think he'd want true love for himself too, and not just a bond "that sometimes picks poorly[...] and is nothing more than some pre-ordained guesswork as to who will provide the strongest off-spring[...] not an indication of true, paired souls.". Also, they haven't even accepted the bond, so it's not really like Feysand level yet, and I'm not completely sure how that would affect one if the other were to die... I mean, Lucien hasn't even reacted or mentioned anything about what it felt like when Elain was taken... But someone else did 👀 I do hope that's explored in the next book somehow.

3. Ehhm... Well... Azriel questioned the Cauldron, not the Mother. Also to quote Rhys in ACOWAR Ch. 24: "Many mated pairs will try to make it work believing the Cauldron selected them for a reason". So it is the Cauldron being questioned here - and guess what CC3 confirmed 👀. I don't think Elain and Lucien are fake mates, but I'm open to the theories about it. I don't even want Elain and Azriel to be mates. I just like them together because their feelings have had a chance to grow more organically, so it feels more natural for Elain to choose him, and that Az will finally get chosen after all that he's been through (Mor + his family + the things he did for Elain etc.). To me, he's worthy. If she chooses Lucien, then I need a really good set-up for it - one that's even better than what Elriel already has imo. And most importantly, one without her losing her agency. I actually want Elain to choose to explore her bond with Lucien, just to see what it's like and what could be since it will create more angst 😆. I think she's slowly but steadily moving on from the Cauldron incident, enough to forgive him even though it wasn't directly his fault. But I don't think it too necessary, since I wouldn't want to be forced to interact, settle, or love someone I simply don't want to be with. I've personally been in that situation too many times. Love can surely grow, but it cannot be forced if it isn't there to begin with, whether or not you already have your heart set on someone else.

Lucien wants and deserves someone who (to quote himself from ACOWAR Ch. 24:) readily loves him "without question, without hesitation" and who will choose him back. Just like Jesminda did - despite the implications and consequences, and it was why he'd loved her. I want to see Lucien with someone who's a bit more like what he himself seem to prefer prior to the bond that "was thrown at him" - the kind of people he's consistently got along and chosen to be with. Elain is too polite and soft for him and he's known for liking people who snaps back, who teases and taunts him - like Feyre, who he got close to because she never balked from him nor from doing just that... And Vassa sounds similar to Jesminda in spirit (wild and free etc.) and he's actively choosing to live with her... Maybe Elain has some of those traits in her too, she seems to be growing some claws after all. But does she have to change herself just to fit into his type just because of their bond; or can she continue to stay in her essence with someone who already likes her for her even without a bond?

I do think Elain and Lucien can at least be friends and have a great understanding - they've both been dragged through everything after all (Elain with her sisters, Lucien with Tamlin, and both by the baddies obvi) and just tried to make the best out of everything despite both not being the most useful of people early in their stories, and both trying to rectify themselves. So they have that in common at least... And I think that's left room for the growth and healing that Sarah's pertained to and that they'll have to face and address in the upcoming book(s). So whether it is about Elain or Lucien, I believe it will be about Choice, and what they both equally want and deserve. Which I think is True Love - despite any bonds.

I feel like this has gotten absolutely too long, so I'll stop here 😵‍💫😅 I hope my answers suffices your questions 😊

[jewishvitya]

Content warning: a picture of Nazi propaganda

Okay, so, I had a couple of replies from someone who seems genuine. These are all points either I or other people made before, but I'll try to collect them in a way that makes sense.

I'm not going to reiterate the list of antisemitic issues in the goblins narratively, I did that twice, here and here. I'm going to talk about why it's antisemitic despite this being a fantasy race with traits that commonly go together. I hope you'll forgive me if I'll repeat or quote things I said in other posts. I'll also use examples I've seen given by other Jews, like I did with theineffableshe (from tiktok) before. So, credit to her.

Fantasy and SciFi are speculative fiction. They take us out of our own world and our own familiar reality to allow us to explore ourselves. All stories we tell are stories about people. We only understand our own minds. You can't imagine a color that you never saw, you can't create a reality that isn't grounded in human experience.

That's why very often the struggles and the traits of a fantasy race are pulled from the real world. Either the real struggles of real people (with some exaggeration or magical/futuristic elements), or the caricaturized traits that were applied to a real group of people.

This is not inherently bad. This is just how stories work. All stories are derivative - they all pull from the stories we told before.

Here is what you said:

If you seriously connect jews with generic greedy goblin characters with huge noses that work in banks, then it honestly sounds to me like YOU are the one being filled up with these prejudices.

But here's what I need you to understand: we don't think we look like the goblins. We don't relate the goblins to ourselves. We relate the goblins to how we were portrayed in the past, to demonize us.

Goblins in other pieces of media can look very different. Because those are fictional, they can be made to look like anything. And they look like antisemitic caricatures.

To illustrate, here's a comparison between the game and Nazi propaganda.

The first picture is from theineffableshe. She traced some of these from stills of the game, and some of these from antisemitic Nazi propaganda.

I know which is which - because I've seen all of the originals. But if you never saw them before, do you think everyone would be able to tell which ones are from HL and which ones are 1930's propaganda?

And the two on top? One of them is the trophy you get for killing Ranrok, the main antagonist of the game. The other, is again, antisemitic propaganda.

Just a reminder that I'm not blaming Rowling of writing intentional antisemitic caricatures into her books. This is more complicated than that, and that complexity is what this post is about.

I showed in two posts the narrative similarities between the goblins and antisemitic propaganda. Here, I showed a bit of the visual similarities.

It's the collection of all the traits that creates the problem.

And you understand this. I felt encouraged when I saw you say:

This discovery honestly makes me feel uncomfy. Sure, it's just a generic animal horn, which isn't solely special to jews, but it kind of does start piling up.

Which is exactly the point. You get it. I just want you to see that it's still true if you disregard the horn.

You also said this:

Most greedy characters are portrayed ugly, which oftentimes includes large noses. And greedy people working in banks isn't a huge jump.

Greedy characters being ugly, ugly characters having large noses and greedy people working in banks are all stereotypes that are portrayed in media fairly often- How exactly is this case in particular offensive?

So. I'll start by saying again that the original books had no problem with the goblin's noses. They weren't even described. The antisemitism was in the other traits. But in these messages from you, there are a couple of issues: what we consider ugly, and equating beauty with goodness. For that, I'll get into the issue of the noses.

Beauty is cultural. I have a Chinese friend and we had long conversations about it, because it's something that fascinates me. The beauty standards around them are very different from those around me. We spoke about how it influences art and fashion and make up. You can see similar things throughout history. What we consider beautiful or ugly is not neutral.

I'm not talking about personal taste right now. I'm not saying "if you have certain preferences, you're a bad person and there's something wrong with you." I'm saying that culturally, some beauty standards come from racism. Others come from classism and prejudice towards poor people. Others, from ableism and prejudice towards sick and disabled people.

That's why the idea of ugliness being tied to evil is not neutral. People in reality treat beautiful people better. They're more likely to be assumed kind, to be assumed innocent if accused of crimes. It comes from a concept of purity, an assumption that moral corruption will be visible on you.

And it wasn't invented by white supremacists, but it aligns with their ideology. White supremacists put on a pedestal traits they consider better and purer. And traits that don't fall into that idea of racial purity, were the ones seen as ugly. If marginalized people's traits are considered ugly, and ugliness is equated with immorality - marginalized people are seen as immoral.

Exaggerating the phenotypical traits of a marginalized group to dehumanize it, is common. It's how racist (and transphobic, etc) caricatures are created. In terms of phenotype, Jewish people can belong to any race. There is no one way a Jewish person looks. But Jewish people tend to marry other Jewish people, so sometimes we don't completely look like the non-Jewish populations where we live. This was the case for Ashkenazi Jews in Europe. We were more likely to be shorter, to have darker and curlier hair, darker eyes, and there's much more. The "Jewish nose" is part of that.

European Jews were not considered white, they were racialized, and being racialized meant being subhuman. So the traits that the Nazis associated with us were demonized.

"They're shown as ugly, and that includes a big nose" is not a neutral thing. It has a very heavy history of white supremacy and antisemitism.

When you ask "it's a well established trope, so how is this case in particular offensive?" you assume every other case is harmless. I'm not accusing every single creator who made hooked-nosed villains of antisemitism. I'm saying that the pattern has pretty bad origins.

These traits that you listed commonly go together - but why? Most real rich people who hoard money don't fit that collection of descriptions. So where did this come from?

We pull narrative tools from the stories told to us, and we do that without always thinking about how those tropes interact with the real world. The idea of greedy bankers has been tied to the demonization of Jewish people for a very long time.

Rowling wanted to write a bank, and she wanted to make it magical, and she reverse-engineered her fantasy bankers from there. But when she did that, she did write an antisemitic fantasy race.

Goblins are portrayed in many different ways in folklore and in media. Goblin is originally a term used for a collection of creatures that have different traits, not all of them associated with love of treasure. They can be tricksters, but not necessarily bloodthirsty. And since it's such a varied mythology, there's no reason for them to look like this. There's no reason for them to be only loyal to each other. To either not care about human lives or enjoy the idea of humans getting hurt - which we see in the books.

She pulled more from antisemitic stories than she pulled from real folklore. And it was enough of a problem that antisemitic producers were able to pick up where she left off and make it as bad as they did.

So you're exactly right. It's how it piles up. I just hope you can see that the issue goes very deep.

[twopoppies]

Hey Gina!!

Am getting married in a couple of months.. i’ve been in fandom for couple of years now and fics are my guilty pleasure.. my to be husband knows am a huge fan of 1D and mentions that he would take me to one of their concerts sometimes even if it happened in different country..but he kind of does not have an idea that am into the fandom and read fics and all.. which i do i my me time even before i met him.. this got me thinking that how did you approach the topic of being in fandom and believing in HL or reading/writing fics.. how did your husband take it initially?! I see people on twitter also mentioning how their husband support their wives by bringing them HL concert tickets.. also I’ve recently read in one of your posts about a boyfriend sending texts to his girlfriend in pit for H show, which was super cute of him..

Hi, darling. Hm. To be honest, when I first fell into the fandom i was very much a lurker for a long time, and I didn’t talk about it much, so he wasn’t super aware. He found out about fic accidentally because I left one open on my laptop. It was very funny actually, because it wasn’t even one I was reading, but it was one where Louis was obsessed with Harry’s pubic hair 🤣🤣🤣 He really was concerned about me. gdjjsdf

Anyway, it took him a while to understand that fic wasn’t “just porn” and that I didn’t only like the band because “Harry is hot” (that, and him thinking PR relationships aren’t a thing, have honestly been the most annoying conversations I’ve had to have with him). He’s not a big pop culture guy, so fandom in and of itself was a little hard to wrap his head around.

Anyway, I started as a fan artist, so he saw me drawing all the time. And he was always very supportive because he saw it made me happy. But, I don’t think he really understood why it was so important to me for a very long time.

As far as opening up about it, I think you can look at it all like a hobby. Just as if you were into learning the guitar or knitting or hiking. It’s something you can invite him to join you in. My husband goes to Harry concerts now and he really likes his music. He’s read my fic (I don’t think he’s terribly interested in reading others, though 😆), and he’s met some of the great friends I’ve made through fandom. He’s never going to be as involved as I am, but he appreciates that it’s something I love.

That post with the boyfriend texting is a favorite of mine… it’s such a display of truly knowing someone and caring enough about their interests that you enjoy sharing it even if it’s not your particular favorite thing. Perhaps that’s the best way to approach it with your finance… ❤️

[continuations]

Lessons from a Voyage

I have just returned from an exciting voyage: crossing the Atlantic on a sailboat. You can find updates from along the way on the J44 Frolic website, Twitter/X and Instagram accounts. In this post I am gathering up my lessons learned. Some of these are just about sailing, in particular passage making, and some are broadly applicable life lessons.

Offshore sailing is intense. I always had great respect for offshore sailors, and in particular solo sailors, and this voyage has only deepened that. To be successful requires lots of different skills: navigation, sail trim, anchoring/docking, mechanical, plumbing, electrical (AC and DC), fishing, cooking. Not everyone on board needs all of these but it is good to have all of them as part of the crew, ideally redundant. If you want to follow exciting single handed racing, I highly recommend the upcoming Vendée Globe race. On each of these skills, experience makes a huge difference. Going into this adventure there was a lot that I understood theoretically but had never done (I had zero offshore experience). So I was thrilled to do this with my friend HL DeVore who has extensive offshore experience, including two prior Atlantic crossings.

Technology has made passage making much easier. The voyage also increased my respect for what it took to cross the oceans in the past with minimal technology. We had access, via Starlink, to up-to-date weather information. We had redundant chart systems including on board but also on our phones, so we knew at all times where we were and how quickly we were making progress. We had a fantastic auto pilot that was able to steer accurately even in fairly confused sea states. We were able to make fresh water on demand with an advanced filtration and desalination system. We had fresh food in a fridge and frozen food, including ice cream (!), in a freezer. We had an electric kettle for fast water heating. An ice maker to add ice cubes to our water. A hot pot for making rice and other dishes. You don't have to go very far back to get to a time when none of this was available. And yet people crossed the oceans routinely.

Clear and non-defensive communication is essential. Everything on a boat has precise terms to identify what it is and what action is supposed to be taken. It is essential to learn this language to be able to communicate quickly and precisely. There are some areas where different sailors will use different terms and so it's good to converge on terminology for the boat. Beyond precision it also matters that communication has to be non-defensive. Everybody on board can speak up at an moment if they see or hear something that others should know. And when someone speaks to you, you always acknowledge that you have heard and understood by saying "copy." For example you might say "small craft 5 boat lengths out at 2 o'clock" and helm will acknowledge with "copy" even if they have already seen it. So much miscommunication can be avoided simply by acknowledging what has been said.

Alertness is crucial. Always be on the lookout for things that look or sound strange. A line hanging slack that is normally tight. Or a clanging noise that wasn't there before. All of this requires a high degree of alertness and also intimate knowledge of the normal state of the boat. For example water flowing by the boat often makes a gurgling sound when you are below deck and close to the sides. But at one point I heard a gurgling sound coming from an unusual location. We investigated and it turned out that a hose had come loose and we were spilling fresh water.

Know your boat inside out. Some people may be tempted to buy a new boat for an adventure like this. But every boat handles differently. And new boats often have small issues that will only bet detected while out at sea. We bought a used J44, a boat that my partner in this adventure has been sailing for over a decade. We then completely overhauled the boat and took it on several shake down cruises and races, with the ultimate pre passage shake down being the Newport Bermuda race. You also want to know the details of systems performance. For example fuel consumption of a diesel engine varies non-linearly with RPM. For example on Frolic the fuel consumption goes up by 33 percent from 1800 to 2000 RPM.

Life is supported by systems. Spaceships are called ships for a reason - they are both life support systems for humans. The ocean is not quite as uninhabitable for humans as space but it is definitely not where we can live without technology. Our water maker was a great example of that. In its absence we would have needed to bring a large quantity of freshwater along and hopefully catch rainwater (we would likely have to ration water which risks being dehydrated). Systems need redundancy in case they break and you can't fix them. We always had some water in jugs to tide us over, but we also had a mid sized and even some handheld desalination systems).

Observation matters. It is always important to complement what electronic systems spit out with what we can observe directly. Modern weather forecasts are amazingly accurate. But local weather can still differ significantly and sometimes forecasts will be wrong. It really helps to understand the weather at different scales, from the very large (the entire North Atlantic), to the region you are in (e.g. the Azores), down to the specific location. Another example of a system that helps tremendously but needs to be complemented with observation is the Automatic Identification System (AIS). It uses VHF to communicate the identities of boats, along with their location, heading, and speed. This makes it much easier to identify and avoid potential collisions. When we were approaching Portugal we had to cross through shipping lanes and it would have been much more challenging without AIS. But we did encounter two cargo ships that were not properly broadcasting. One was highly intermittent (and would only show up on our chart plotter occasionally), the other one not at all. We encountered the second one at night and had to fall back to visual observation and hailing the other vessel.

Slow is fast. Take the time to talk things through, such as a spinnaker take down. This means making sure everyone understands their role and the sequence of tasks. Prepare everything that can be prepared, such as getting any lines properly coiled that need to run out or having sail ties at hand. Move deliberately around the boat . Something going wrong is not only dangerous but will usually take a lot more time to fix than getting it right in the first place. This is even true when something has already gone wrong. We did great overall but did wind up with one accidental jibe. The instinct might be to rush and fix that immediately but it is much better to take the time to make sure everyone is ok, the boat is ok, and then make a plan to jibe back in a controlled fashion.

Preparation requires anticipation. We were incredibly well prepared. We had all the tools and parts on board we needed. We had all the medications on board to treat everyone on the crew for a variety of thankfully small issues. We had enough fuel to get through some of the light or no wind stretches. All of this was the case because we anticipated what the problems might be that we could encounter. You can't get stuff onto your boat once you are in the ocean. Our planned path via the Azores is notorious for people running out of fuel or food or both because of the extent of the Azores high.

Safety is not negotiable. Our default was to wear harnesses when on deck and to clip in. The only times we would not do that was during the day time in extremely calm sea state while motoring. All it takes is one wrong step for someone to go overboard. And at night or with six foot waves it is not only hard to see someone, especially when the boat is flying along at 10 knots, but also tricky and dangerous to get back to them and get them back on board. Another key rule is "one hand for yourself and one hand for the boat." This is where the expression "single handed" sailing comes from. I violated this rule once by trying to bring two bags below at the same time (coming back to the boat at the dock). I missed the last step down the companion way, twisted around and fell backwards into the galley, hitting my head on the stove. I was lucky and came away with some scrapes and bump on the back of my head but it could have easily ended badly.

Good food makes everyone happy. We were fortunate to have my son Peter Wenger on board as a chef. He had pre-cooked some meals which we carried in our freezer. But he also made many wonderful things fresh, such an incredible Mahi Mahi ceviche from a fresh catch. And of course my personal favorite: French toast for breakfast.

Great on shore support really helps. There is some fear associated with being far out on the ocean where help can be a long way away. And so it is wonderful to have strong on shore support. Psychology really matters for well being and stress. When I fell down it was great to do a call with med team and get concussion assessment. We relied on Katie and Jessica from Regatta Rescue for medical support. They were terrific and also had put together an incredible med kit for us to bring along. We also got daily macro weather updates from Ken McKinley at Locusweather. Finally, it was fantastic to have family emotional support, in particular from Susan "Gigi" Danziger, who also helped with logistics, such as getting to Newport, and joined us in Bermuda, for cruising in the Azores, and in Lisbon upon arrival.

All in all this passage was an incredible adventure and I feel fortunate to have been able to experience this passage. I hope this will not be my last one and am already thinking about what bringing the boat back across the Atlantic might look like. In the meantime I am keeping my fingers crossed for a safe passage of Frolic through the Straight of Gibraltar into the Mediterranean.

[twelvedaysinaugust]

Thanks to your anon for explaining more of the differentiation between Gaylor and Larry. Nothing sounds crazier than a fake baby or a doll being used a prop…or contracts from years ago continuing to hold millionaires hostage in the closet. The contract hyperbole is problematic bc we know from Harry’s own mouth (Harry! Who says nothing!) contracts existed in 1D that scared/traumatized him, and it makes people doubt the premise of pressuring queer boys in a boyband to stay quiet/not come out/act heterosexual when we know this happened to Lance, Ricky, etc.. with or without contracts. I saw someone making fun of larries bc they saw one of those early Larry videos from the back of a radio station where HL are whispering sweet nothings and their response was ‘how were they closeted acting this way?’ Oh so you DO see it was something more than platonic and they didn’t know they were being caught on film, dodo, but I digress…

I wonder if Gaylors get the same hate/are told it’s disrespectful for thinking Karlie’s marriage and/or Taylor/Joe are/were just understandings of some sort vs. pure traditional romance that Larries did for Elounor in particular. Even Harries side eye some of H’s public relationships and he has never stood up for his gfs the way Louis did with Eleanor in the past. I think Louis’ “I am straight” tweet still holds a lot of weight after almost a decade while I know Gaylors claim Taylor has never said explicitly she was straight (don’t quote me bc I don’t know!).

Lots to think about but it truly seems “gold star larryism” - even if people have the best of intentions! I don’t think it’s malicious, at least on tumblr today - has done some damage to the fandom and how we best support HL as closeted artists, whether they are a current couple or not.

Sorry it took me forever to respond to this ask. I very much agree with the last paragraph, in particular.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I’m the ‘unlabelled’ fandom discussion anon. Thanks for your reply, it was so useful for me and helped me clarify a lot of how I feel about all of it. It’s so interesting that Harry’s comments regarding sexuality (in relation to himself and generally) have been interpreted as a sort of ‘coming out’ (as ‘unlabelled’ / thus queer as not explicitly heterosexual) when actually he’s mostly just saying he doesn’t want to share that information publicly.

Which is such a important distinction and very different things! It’s fascinating the projection from fans (I include myself in this too as a queer person, hoping/convincing myself of complete queerness from HL and others, to feel a sense of connection, that honestly, is mostly made up— not sure if that makes sense but want to acknowledge my own part in this kind of stuff), to read everything H or L ‘say’ (both unedited and written/paraphrased in an interview/article) as being a way to say they are queer. When the majority of the time, it’s not about that at all or if anything, is them making it clear it’s private and they don’t want to share that with us.

I know fans find this super frustrating but that literally is irrelevant. It’s like your bio about their circumstances and decisions they make/can/cannot make.

Anyway sorry that was a ramble but I wanted to ask, what was that bit you said about the Hillsborough victims? I looked up the Dan Wooton article again and didn’t see Hillsborough mentioned and couldn’t figure out the link apologies 🫣 thanks so much for taking the time to reply :)

Ps. I noticed you haven’t been posting as much a couple days earlier this week, and hope you’ve been having a nice time away from tumblr/busy with your irl life. That sounds funny sorry, it’s a odd way of saying you seem really cool and you’re missed when you’re not here haha

Thanks for this lovely message anon.

I read this and my thoughts percolated a little bit more and I realised a much more succinct way of putting it. I think it's very important to distinguish between the action of not describing your sexuality to a particular audience and 'unlabelled' as an identity. There are lots of people who don't label themselves, there's a much smaller group who embrace unlabelled as an identity. Treating those two as if theyw ere the same erases lots of the complexities of queer people and queer culture.

In Harry's case, all we know is that he is very evasive when pressed to discuss his sexuality with the press and he doesn't describe his sexuality to his audience. To reduce that to 'coming out as unlabelled' is to ignore so much about what's going on.

I agree that there are parts of fandom (not all of it), which respond to the anxiety caused by uncertainty, by trying to be very sure about things. To me, insisting that 'unlabelled' means something to Harry, without any evidence at all is part of this. One of the reasons this approach to fandom makes me sad is that trying to eliminate possibilities in that way and tie everything down isn't very queer.

I answered another anon about Hillsborough - but the short answer is that anyone who talks to the Sun is not showing solidarity with Hillsborough victims.

Thanks so much for your very kind comments. I really love answering anons. Whether the anons I want to answer match the spaces I have in my day does vary, but it's very nice to hear that people appreciate them.

[in-the-undercroft]

I did this on my iPad last night/this morning but favorite/least favorite classes of the main HL crew. The text next to their names state the electives. I wish I gave the top row some more space but oh well. Do any of you guys have opinions on this? Was fun character building.

Here are my longer thoughts/explanations.

For my MC, Emily, I kinda based it off my play style and also what I enjoyed but also what made sense. DADA made sense as a like. I enjoyed potions and I super enjoyed the Arithmacy puzzles so I kept that. For dislikes: I hated the astronomy tables, too fiddly. Also I never used to Transfiguration spell. And Divination, well, HP colored my view of the class and I never would've taken that class so I'm pretending I'm taking the 3 electives(Thus D+B+A)

Sebastian obviously loves DADA. Mr best duelist of our year. He also enjoys his Ancient Runes elective and History of Magic. I see him being super studious and not minding the book classes. I don't see him liking the more hands on classes like Potions and Beasts(Which I never would've picked as his elective but whatever, he was in a cut scene).

With Ominis, I've gotten the same line that Weasley is prepping him for Transfiguration NEWTs already at least twice. I think it may be NPC dialogue but I also haven't noticed it on anyone else so let's pretend it's canon. I feel like Charms go hand in hand with that so I was like what's another that Ominis would like... Charms??? Also I 100% headcanon that Aritmacy was common ground with him and Emily to bond without the rest of their friend group in the way. Especially when things got rough with Sebastian. That was their place to just be them without having to think about dark arts and relics and curses. But we know in game he doesn't like Herbology or Potions. I feel like Potions frustrates him because it's probably very sight based with are particular it is(As Sharp insists, one sneeze can ruin everything) and it's hard to adapt. But he and Sharp worked together a lot in the early years to find work arounds. Lots of after class sessions and trial and errors and ingredients already being cut. I could do a whole post about this.

With Natty, Charms is clearly her best subject and she's in Crossed Wands so DADA was a good educated guess. I also feel like Ancient Runes for some odd reason. I don't think she minds Divination for Divination but because her mum forces it on her and the embarrassment of her mum teaching it.

Obviously Poppy loves Beasts class and Herbology. I also think she would enjoy astronomy. She seems very hands on learner. She would find History of Magic so boring(And yes, I didn't let myself say everyone hated HoM). I also feel like she is morally opposed to also the transform *animal* into *object in Transfiguration and hates that class because of it and views it as inhumane.

[deliciouskeys]

For the assumptions meme! (Disregard this if you saw an Ask with a GIF; that’s mine. But if you don’t see it in your tumblr inbox, that’s because the GIF probably f*cked up sending that one so pls use this one as a substitute, haha.)

My first assumption about you is you might be Russian or somewhere European adjacent, based on the amount of Russian fics you’ve translated into English.

Second assumption is, between writing Homelander and Billy Butcher scenes, getting into Homelande’s headspace comes much more easily to you. And lastly, you seem like the type where you might have certain specific fics that you will read and certain fics that are less likely to—for lack of a better word—appeal to you? (If this is the case, I’m curious to hear if you have a personal fanfic rubric or criteria!)

1) I was indeed born in Moscow. Left Russia when I was 3, but maintained fluency. But don’t know enough slang and sex terms to translate fic from English to Russian. I can proofread for people translating my fics to Russian though! Before you ask: I hate Putin, don’t have any family there anymore, and have never gone back so very little ties to it beyond the lovely people from there that I meet on ao3 and tumblr

2) heh that’s interesting, because I feel the opposite. I wrote ZM entirely from Billy’s POV because I didn’t feel confident venturing into HL’s headspace full-time. And when I do write HL’s headspace I keep feeling like I need to retreat to Billy periodically to show a more balanced picture of what’s going on 😂 Both are fun to write though, and HL might be more fun in terms of being more unconventional.

3) eek, do I come across as picky? I guess I prefer fics where characters feel and sound like the canon ones (or are different in specific, consistent ways due to some particular setup or AU). If it’s a long fic, I usually prefer a canon divergence or AU altogether, but where some truth about the canon story/characters is revealed through the divergence. I don’t know…. I read many of the Butchlander fics, but I kudos more than I comment, like most people. I should comment on more of the ones I read, and at least cite a line that I liked, because god knows I like receiving comments.