#they have a potential to be so impactful as a story but we don’t really

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Anticipating the ending of The On1y One, I've been remembering an interview with director Celine Sciamma about Portrait of a Lady on Fire. She said,

"The ending of it is really climaxing. Because when we watch love stories, it’s harder, the frozen image of two people leaving in a car, you know, marriage, whatever. Like the romantic-comedy ending where they end up together, then that’s the end. Eternal possession as a promise of fulfillment. Or, it’s the tragic ending, where they will never [be together]. And I really tried to find another way... It’s a love story about emancipation. And that’s so much what we’re trying to tell: it’s not about whether you end up together, or you don’t. A good love story isn’t about that, it’s about: did it give you emancipation?"

Both Portrait of a Lady on Fire and The On1y One are about queer memory and history. While one is about recovering the distant past and the other is about the past of adolescence, they each lean firmly into the ambiguous spaces of what could and couldn't be articulated. How does a work simultaneously acknowledge the potential queer feelings and relationships from our pasts alongside the limits that impacted people's ability to come-to-terms and act on those queer feelings?

So many queer plot pieces of The On1y One are left unresolved in the last episode, and it's important that we look at that as intentional. It's a disservice to a show so deeply passionate about poetry to read its narrative from a straight forward perspective. It's filled with symbols, patterns, and gestures instead of a generic plot structure. @toastofthetrashfire wrote about what we might make about the symbols of circular and linear time regarding Jiang Tian and Sheng Wang, and I think consideration of those themes ought to be applied across all the plots that mount up into irresolution at the end. Jiang Tian's history of neglect and abuse at the hands of his closeted father, the disruption of queerness into the teachers' intense platonic friendship, and, of course, Sheng Wang's young gay panic: how do we incorporate these failed models of behavior into our queer timelines? How do we offer the potential of freedom and mercy to our recollections of them and our imperfect past decisions?

We have to believe in potentials and futures that didn't necessarily arrive for them. The last image we get in the series is that ellipsis of belief, moving us forward without truly moving. We return to the image of the glass pitcher filled with mint lemon water, whole again, at least for now, and we hear a promise from Sheng Wang to come back. It's ostensibly a promise to return to Class A for Jiang Tian, but it speaks to the desire to revisit the our past and to let it revisit us in new forms, the way you're meant to return to a poem or the best books, not to recall an end you forgot or to memorize it's every line but to be moved.

[thedickgraysons]

i know that the illyrians are supposed to be chronically miserable and everything about them sucks, so says the powers that be, but ive been thinking about the lack of world building for them beyond Warrior Race and Downtrodden Women and i think actually they should be a culture that is heavily community based, where they crave connection, and THAT should be the tragedy of them.

the men certainly have to consider each other brothers-in-arms; they have to, to be willing to coherently fight alongside each other. alone in the winter mountains, it’s easier to have a community thrive if everyone communicates. women would absolutely seek solace in each other. there are species of bats who live in colonies with the numbers reaching into the hundreds.

i think it could make azriel’s isolation and emerie’s being ostracized all the more impactful. i think it could bring a new interesting layer to why rhysand, cassian, and azriel—all rejected by the illyrian community—cling to each other so hard. but more importantly i think, after all that they’ve experienced, illyrian women deserve to band together in what moments of quiet they get and hold each other in their arms. they deserve to comb each others hair and guide their younger sister’s clumsy hands through the motions of sewing while mothers deserve to cradle their sons for as long as they can. they should be a people who crave closeness and community, but after centuries of misery and continued cycles, find themselves deprived of it and knowing nothing else, find themselves unable to do anything but continue the cycle

[moony-2001]

The real-world impact of Lore Olympus

i.e. do your research Rachel

Trigger warning: racism, fetishization, appropriation, mentions of SA

Long post ahead

A while ago, someone told me that Lore Olympus was just a silly little comic written out of boredom. That it was made to be "funny". They told me that "[I] can't hope [for] an extremely [well-written] story when it was just made with the intention to make something goofy" and that if Rachel actually wanted to make something serious like I had, she would write a book and not a comic.

At the time of this exchange, it was past 1 a.m. and I was exhausted. I did not want to argue with this person and it simply wasn't worth my time or energy in the moment.

But looking back at that (mostly one-sided) interaction, I can't help but think that there is so much wrong with that point of view. Of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion about Lore Olympus, whether good or bad. But Lore Olympus isn't just some silly little nothing comic about nothing important. It is a comic that actively appropriates and erases Greek Culture. It is a comic that has no respect for the actual stories that have been passed down over thousands of years whether by word of mouth or written text. It is a comic that perpetuates a false narrative and harmful stereotypes about characters or certain groups of people. So, no, it's not just a silly little comic.

Incorrect information

Here’s an example of what I mean:

When I was doing research for my post about the 10 year time skip, I looked up Leuce to reconfirm the little information I knew about her. Wanna guess the first thing that popped up about her?

A Lore Olympus Wiki article.

Okay. How about Minthe? Hundreds of pictures of her from Lore Olympus and a LO Wiki article as one of the top 3 results. Both character are horribly represented in LO and unfortunately there isn’t really any documented stories or records that can refute how LO paints them. Because of this, other characters in Greek Mythology like Leuce and Minthe, whose stories have little to no documentation, stand to suffer the most harm from deliberate misrepresentation on Rachel’s part.

Of course well-known and better documented figures in Greek mythology face slander as well. What about Thetis or Leto? How about Apollo? All of their portrayals in LO are HORRIBLE. I have seen people online absolutely drag them to filth not because they're upset about how the character is portrayed compared to their mythological counterpart, but because they have no knowledge of how they are actually portrayed outside of LO. They just assume that's how the characters are. Similarly, people who have either very little or no prior knowledge of Greek Mythology and Culture would look at the comic and go "Yep, sounds legit. It must be true." and go about thinking that what is portrayed in LO is accurate to what was transcribed thousands of years ago.

Creative interpretations and racism/fetishization within LO

Don’t get me wrong. Creative interpretations and artistic liberties can be great. When they’re done tastefully. I personally think if done correctly, a Greek myth spun in a modern way has the potential be very good. But that's not what we were given.

Characters like Minthe, Leuce, and Thetis (all nymphs btw) are portrayed as trashy tramps who put out and are used as a foil sabotage Persephone and/or her relationship with Hades. Compare that to Greek Mythology where in the Iliad, Thetis is very well-respected by the gods, particularly Hera. Unfortunately, other similar characters like satrys (and basically any character that isn’t a god) are usually portrayed as a low-class POC that can be easily exploited, manipulated, or used as a temporary villain/lover/pawn to “get back” at Persephone, our white-coded protagonist who can do no wrong.

Additionally, there is a clear race/class bias against characters like nymphs in LO. We see many cases scattered throughout the comic of gods like Hera or Aphrodite referring to nymphs as "trash" or "low class" or the idea that nymphs do not belong with gods being heavily implied if not outright said. I cannot tell you how often I've seen Minthe be called some variant of "cheap" by the readers of LO. Even Persephone (who created the flower nymphs) treats them with such disrespect. She frequently calls them some variant of "stupid" or "simple" like saying how they're not the sharpest crayons in the box even though she's the one WHO MADE THEM. However, it's so odd not really to note that nymphs like Echo, Amphitrite, or Psyche (who was previously disguised as a nymph) are not discriminated against. This is because they are liked or trusted by the gods they are around and ergo are often portrayed as the "good ones", which is a disgusting mindset to have.

We also see the fetishization of nymphs in the comic that is disturbingly similar to the fetishization of women who are Black, Asian, or Latina. It is a known fact that Hades has a flower nymph fetish. Not only is this implied in the comic, but Rachel stated it outright in an old Patreon post. Nymphs are also generally treated as sex-symbols, disposable, and as a lesser-than. Zeus frequently displays this behavior by abandoning nymphs he knocked up in the mortal realm.

For example, when Persephone finds out Apollo is dating Daphne, she isn't upset he's dating her friend. She's upset he's dating a flower nymph, beings that are generally considered to be "rare", "dumb", and objects of sexual desire. Ew.

Even on the Lore Olympus website (loreolympians.com) nymphs are regarded as "beautiful", "desirable", and "very exotic". And when they're not described in a sexual manner they're say it with me now regarded as "low class" or "workers" for some kind of god/goddess.

Final thoughts

So not only is the characterization of characters like Minthe or Thetis harmful to Greek culture and the stories that are so ingrained in their society, but it is also perpetuating harmful stereotypes about people of color and women who are confident in their sexuality.

Of course, the characters within Greek Mythology had their own issues. Zeus was a serial rapist, many of the goddesses deemed to be "feminist" by today's standards were actually horribly misogynistic looking at you Athena. But 1. that's just how things were back then (but that does not make it right) and 2. all of the good, the bad, and the ugly is still there in Greek Mythology. They're not denying how fucked up it is, but they're also not changing their history to better fit their own narrative or the narrative of the modern world. It exists, it happened, but now it is studied and called out by historians.

Rachel, on the other hand, is doing exactly that. She is actively changing the Greek's cultural history to better fit her fic's narrative. She is constantly sweeping things under the rug or going "No this is how it ACTUALLY happened". Lore Olympus is marketed as a "feminist retelling" yet somehow, it takes allllll the ugly parts from Greek Mythology (rape, incest, problematic age gaps, dubious consent, etc.), mixes it with a majority of the issues we have in the modern world (white feminism, rape-apologists/rape culture, grooming, fetishization of certain minority groups, etc.) and then amplifies the concoction to 20. Lore Olympus cannot be a "progressive, feminist, retelling" and also have characters that are morally apprehensive/come straight from the ancient myths. It does not work. In fact, IMO it makes all the problems from both eras worse.

News flash: actual cultures that are still thriving today are not your toys. They are not "made up". They matter. Do better.

[matsaysyes]

I genuinely don’t know how to feel about the fop: a new wish’s finale. It felt like it was missing something. And made me go; “oh. It’s over.”

What is going on with Dev’s whole memory thing? He’s been one of my favorite characters since day one so I would hate if they just ignored him in the second season.

If he dosent remember anything then what will happen to Peri? Peri and Dev’s relationship is something I think we all wanted to see more of and they even teased us with it at the end.

The conversation Dev and Peri had was a conversation we had been wanting them to have for a while. It would suck if all of that was just undone.

I really loved his Dev-elopement in the show (I’m sorry) and it was cool to see him also have a fairy god parent. It was a unique idea the original show never really did.

The part with Hazel’s friends getting to keep their memories wasn’t really impactful for me because I never really got attached to them in the first place. It’s a unique idea sure, but one I’m honestly not to excited for.

The fact the change seems ok at best and the whole question mark surrounding Peri and Dev made my enjoyment go down a lot.

I can’t believe i forgot to mention it until now but I did really enjoy Irep in this episode as well. He’s always been an enjoyable character for me so I honestly don’t have much to say about him.

The main reason I started watching the show was for Peri and the main reason I stayed was for Dev (and still Peri lol). I think Hazel and her family/friends are interesting enough for standalone episodes but (at least for me) aren’t enough to keep me watching by themselves.

I’m nervous on how the second season will go but that’s assuming they even get a new season. I hope they do and I hope they address some of these potential problems.

I’ve gotten too invested in Dev and Peri (and their relationship) for the story to break them up now.

[inamindfarfaraway]

Here’s a sad thought about Princess Jasmine in Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier, courtesy of listening to the soundtrack again and feeling the feelings about her and Ja’far: this version of the Sultan must be a really bad father.

We never see him interact with his stepdaughter. He already seems rather senile when he steals Scheherazade, and that’s sixteen years before the present day. His sanity may well have completely gone in that time. Even if it didn’t, he makes it clear in his one appearance that he considers everyone in his power to be objects defined entirely by how they can benefit him and remorselessly will torture, enslave and murder them on a whim. I doubt that he’d be sensitive or nurturing toward his child. Now, I think Scheherazade would be a great mother - but she never got to try.

The Sultan has evidently been very neglectful and distant, failing in his duties to teach the Princess how to be both a good person and a good member of royalty. Despite her being his only heir and old enough to marry and rule the kingdom, which apparently has no problem with a female sovereign, he’s let her grow up to be extremely sheltered and not at all adequately prepared for responsibility and politics. It doesn’t even occur to her that having her tiger assault a neighbouring country’s visiting prince might have consequences. The Sultan, and on his behalf the Captain of the Guard, don’t let her know important news and royal decrees: neither what a menace Aladdin is, leaving her vulnerable to him, nor the Sultan’s mass execution of the 2D Department, since for as insensitively egocentric as she is at the beginning, she’s still deeply sentimental and quick to empathize with the homeless peasant Aladdin, so I can’t believe that she wouldn’t be at least a little upset with the Sultan (or more likely Ja’far) over so many lost human lives.

More than that, her immaturity speaks to bad parenting on the most basic level. She hasn’t internalized the Sultan’s cruelty, but has learned his selfishness, entitlement, impulsiveness and poor emotional regulation. Her social skills are notably clumsy and underdeveloped (not picking up on Aladdin’s numerous red flags, “No high five”, “At least Abdul had a family who loved him!”, even cringing herself at the last one). The Sultan’s passed down absolutely zero wisdom of any kind.

Instead it’s Ja’far with whom she has a familiar father-daughter dynamic (“What’s up, are you mad at me?” “Where are you going?” “There she is!”). It’s him who shows concern when she runs away and gives the order to find her before all else, notices that she’s upset and talks her through her feelings, warns her about sexual predators, appreciates her idealism and effort. It’s him who provides the gentle but firm, healthy guidance and challenge that she needs to grow. Who sees her potential, respects and believes in her. Who loves her. However, he is ultimately in her service. Between the imbalanced power dynamic making him wary of treason (after all, the last time he had a stronger relationship than the Sultan with a woman the Sultan called his, it didn’t end well) and his other responsibilities taking away from their time together, he can’t be as influential a presence in his life as he’d like.

Maybe this why she’s initially so resentful of him. Subconsciously she does see him as a father all along, but he hurts her and lets her down sometimes. Like the Sultan, her only official parent, always has. That stings. The differences are that the Sultan hurts her much more, more consistently and without her best interests at heart… but Ja’far is the one she can lash out at and complain to and be a messy adolescent around, because firstly, he’s her subject instead of her ruler, and secondly, he’s actually involved in her life. He cares, and therefore yelling or halfheartedly trying to poison his wine will make an impact. The Sultan is untouchable. We know that she conflates the two in her head as unjust authority figures keeping her trapped and crushing her aspirations (“All the people who say I’m just dreaming, like Father and Ja’far”, one of the only times she mentions the Sultan). It’s easier to blame your problems on an employee everybody else hates than accept that your parent is a bad one.

Maybe this is the root of her discontentment as well, her yearning that she can’t articulate for something more than what the life she’s been given. The joke of “Everything and More” is that she doesn’t need anything besides what she has… but she does. She needs a competent, reliable parent. One who she can trusts loves her the person as her parent, not a servant of her bloodline, and she knows to love as such in turn.

No wonder she falls for “Orphaned at Thirty-Three” hook, line and sinker. She’s never known her mother. Her relationships with her paternal figures range from terrible to complicated. Having unconditionally loving, supportive parents and then suddenly losing them must be the worst thing she can imagine.

But in the end, the Sultan dies and her dad has to leave her. Although he found a way to live forever, it wasn’t enough to save her from the pain of being orphaned at sixteen.

[smokestarrules]

Why Caleb & Evelyn’s Absence is Good Writing

So if you don’t know me, I’m a big fan of Caleb and Evelyn (Clawthorne. Because I’m sure). I’m fascinated with their story -- I wrote an entire fic about them in 2022 before we even knew Evelyn’s name -- and I find them both incredibly interesting considering what is both shown about them and not. Despite that, I had a feeling that neither of them would make an appearance in Watching and Dreaming, and I was right. 

Understandably so, some people were disappointed with that decision, that they were hoping for an entire flashback scene or something close to it. But while that also appeals to me -- oh my god does it appeal to me -- I also really enjoy the intangibility of it all. 

So, I have three reasons as to why I like that Caleb and Evelyn didn’t show up again, which I’ll go through in no particular order. The rest of this post will be under a cut because it’ll probably get pretty lengthy. 

1) Haunting The Narrative

Half of Caleb and Evelyn’s intrigue comes from the fact that in the end, we really  don’t know all that much about them. Everything that we do know is from second-hand accounts at best and the rest of their story is up to your own singular interpretation; we only know the bare bones of their tale, but at the same time, they’re both extremely monumental to the main plot of the show. 

They’re hardly ever shown centered on-screen (in Evelyn’s case, never), and again, despite their huge impact on the characters and world even 400 years later, it’s part of their charm that... they’re mysterious. You’re not meant to know much about them, not meant to perceive them as normal characters. Caleb never speaks in the show, Evelyn hardly even appears, and in the end, they’re not meant to be understood. 

Caleb seems to have undergone some semblance of a redemption, but that’s only alluded to considering how he ends up dead; the implied is everything, and getting a concrete answer would, in my opinion, ruin part of what makes this story so fascinating. 

Of course, the biggest argument I’ve seen against this idea is that casual viewers of the show, the ones who don’t care about combing the background of Hollow Mind for lore about Emperor Belos’ big brother, will be confused without the lack of context. And... I disagree. 

Sure, maybe some people haven’t seen the portraits from Hollow Mind, but they’ve certainly seen Caleb when Gus went through Philip’s mind in King’s Tide. Maybe they missed the book about Grimwalkers in Labyrinth Runners, but they definitely caught Caleb in Philip’s diary during Elsewhere and Elsewhen. Then, in Thanks to Them, there’s an entire scene in which Masha very kindly gives an entire summary on the topic, tipping off both the main characters and anyone else in the audience who may be confused. 

The story’s all there, both in the background and in the forefront of the show, and it’s weaved in so beautifully that it’s hard for me to believe that anyone would see Caleb in For the Future (of which is a scene I will be talking about soon) and have absolutely no idea who he is. 

So in the end, I think having a more clear understanding of the going-ons that set everything into motion would be almost doing a disservice to the fans who have spent their time piecing things together and it’s also not really necessary in the first place. It’d be nice, and I’m sure I would have gone even more insane with more to analyze, but with the way this show has always portrayed Caleb and Evelyn, them fading into obscurity in the final episode just seems... fitting. 

2) Philip Doesn’t Really Deserve Closure

It’s a simple fact: Philip Wittebane is kind of a fucked-up guy. 

Besides a flashback scene, another idea for a potential Caleb and Evelyn appearance that I saw tossed around most was this: it’s the end, Philip’s about to be defeated, and in the interim, he sees his brother one last time. 

Either he’s given forgiveness or not, Caleb being present at his lowest moment would undoubtedly mean something to Philip; over the centuries he’s spent a significant amount of time trying to remake his brother -- to make him better -- and no matter how you feel about him, Philip is a tortured soul. Perhaps Caleb could help him accept his inevitable death, perhaps he could have one last chance for Philip to have a moment of genuine vulnerability. 

He’d die with the ghost of his brother and the ghost of his brother’s wife looking over him, and he’d die content... maybe. 

Or you can go the other route: 

On the other hand, maybe Philip goes to his death kicking and screaming the whole way, with Caleb and Evelyn staring him down as he’s ultimately annihilated for good. The tale of two brothers is over, and while Caleb is the one who perished first, centuries ago now, it’s Philip who is undoubtedly the one who loses in the end. 

The last thing Philip sees is his brother’s hateful, tired face, and he dies with that image. 

Of course, that’s the one that sounds better to me; Philip is not a villain you could ever redeem (a cruel upbringing will not excuse everything) and to even make an attempt at it would feel cheap and be completely unaligned with ToH’s core values, which actively (and correctly) condemn people like him. 

The problem with both of these ideas, different as they are, is that both of them give Philip a sense of closure that he simply does not deserve to have been rewarded with. Either way, he knows for sure how his brother would feel about him -- or, at the very least, how he believes his brother should feel about him -- and it’s just that, the knowing, that rubs me the wrong way. 

In the end, the last time Philip sees his brother is in this scene in For the Future, and it’s safe to say that there’s no actual closure or anything close to it here. Whether or not you believe this is actually Caleb or just Philip hallucinating him (personally I subscribe to the latter), it doesn’t really matter because the idea stays the same. 

Philip spends this scene snarling curses at his unyielding brother -- who seems to be, notably, his younger self, given his hair length -- while also actively melting away in front of his eyes. Philip is the one who’s alive, Philip is the one who (he believes) is on the right side of history, and yet Philip is also the one on his knees, his entire body disintegrating slowly due to his own choices. 

As the episode continues, it’s shown that Philip is seeing Caleb and the other Grimwalkers that he’s likely killed as well, and they’re clearly more of a taunt to his already-collapsing mental state than anything else. Again I reassert my opinion that they’re not actually there, that they’re simply Philip hallucinating in one of his weakest moments yet, and because of that, there is no answer given. 

They stare; he tells them to “Shut up” and they don’t react in the slightest. They watch and they stare and they dare him to care about them in any way and the entire scene is just... a precipice. Eventually they disappear for good, and Philip moves on without even trying to process this phenomenon. 

Basically what I'm saying is that Caleb appearing in Philip’s last moments would give him too much credit. And that actually leads us right into the final point I want to make, which is this: 

3) Caleb Wasn’t Actually That Important To Philip 

In the long run, at the very least. 

Now hear me out. When I say ‘important’, I don’t mean that what happened with Caleb didn’t have long-lasting effects on Philip, because that’s simply not true; otherwise, my entire last point would be meaningless. Obviously, it’s Caleb (and to a lesser extent, Evelyn) who can be credited with initially setting Philip down this path; Caleb was probably the most stable thing in Philip’s early life, and losing him in a way that felt like abandonment -- and then killing him -- is undoubtedly something that would stick with you for a lifetime, 400 years or not. 

But Caleb’s death is also largely an excuse. 

Much in the same way that “saving humanity” is an excuse for Philip to commit the atrocities he does, Caleb’s betrayal pushing him towards that path and his subsequent attempts at bringing him back are also an excuse. 

Here’s the thing: if Philip was genuinely passionate about remaking his brother -- but better -- then he’d care about the Grimwalkers more than he does. If Philip actually considered every Grimwalker a potential Caleb that he could just fix, then he would not have been able to dispose of them so coldly. There’s dozens of their corpses piled under the Skull, yet he only even commits to memory a rare few. Even Hunter, the closest to Caleb a Grimwalker’s ever gotten, was given a Sigil! A Sigil, which tells me that no matter what, no matter how perfect Hunter may have turned out, Philip was never going to let him survive the Day of Unity. 

True, there’s definitely a part of Philip that hates the Grimwalkers because they can’t be Caleb, at least not in the way he thinks he needs (which is impossible, but I digress) there’s also a part that I think is just... carrying on because this is what he’s done for the past few centuries. It’d feel like giving up on himself to give up on the prospect of having Caleb beside him again, but there’s no passion anymore. 

In the end, I think Papa Titan said it best:

“...That man doesn’t care about anything but his need to be the hero in his own delusion.” 

That’s exactly it. Philip believes himself as the hero of the story, as someone who’s been suffering for centuries but will one day finally get the ending that he deserves. He goes through all of this not because he wants to go home and not because he wishes he could return to the life he and his brother once had, but because he so desperately wants to believe in the delusion that he is a person doing all the things he does for good. 

You don’t live for over 400 years working towards a singular moment without at least having the thought that maybe what you’re doing is incorrect. But Philip has never let those supposed doubts stop him, and by the time the series is ending, nothing matters except his goal -- to see the destruction of every last witch and demon on the Boiling Isles.  

Which is why, in this final scene of his, there’s not a single mention of his brother. His brother, who he’s spent the last 400 years trying to save; his brother, who, by learning to be better, essentially kickstarted Philip’s entire goal, but it became so twisted so quickly as Philip subconsciously decided that he was the only one who could ever fix things. 

To put it simply: Philip’s only ever been concerned with himself. His idea of morality, his vision of the Boiling Isles, his opinions on the witches that live there. Nothing else matters; Caleb is a crutch to fall back on and so is the idea that Philip’s saving anyone, it’s all just more vindication to feed into his hero complex, because he’s the only one that really matters. He’s human and Luz is human and so they’re redeemable, but he stopped seeing Caleb as human the moment he saw him with Evelyn. 

In the end, I feel as if it’s almost safe to say that Caleb and Evelyn as constructs are more important to the all-encompassing plot than they are to Philip specifically; they set him on his path, sure, but his descent into madness almost feels inevitable, death of his brother or not. He blames his own misfortune on them, and the fact that they're never quite seen makes Philip’s villainous qualities that much more emphasized, I think. 

Overall, I loved Watching and Dreaming and I loved ToH and I think the characters of Caleb and Evelyn are some of the most haunting I’ve ever encountered, literally and metaphorically. 

Their story is largely up in the air, but it still gets told, you just have to look for it. That's their charm, that’s why they’re interesting to me, and that’s why I am content with getting the amount we got of them. 

[what-eats-owls]

I’m trying to explain the world of Little Thieves to my friend, and I realized I don’t really know the time period. Because the Blessed Era doesn’t really translate to our Common Era/Before Christ thing, I was wondering what period in time Little Thieves is closest to.

This is a really fun question to answer, because the answer is "approximately yes."

One of my favorite things about fairy tale collections is that the time period is all over the place. You'll see illustrations with outfits that doesn't belong in the same century, and other mismatches in names, technology, locations, etc. and it's really a lovely reflection of how these stories have traveled through time and space to reach us, and picked up souvenirs along the way. Fairy tales don't take place in the now; we hold a separate world of Once Upon A Time for them, which is full of potential in its timelessness.

When I set out to write Little Thieves, I wanted one thing to come across above all, and that was the sense of what I lovingly call "fairytale bullshit." Of course there's a talking horse, why not. Of course there's power in rhymes and herbs and the right metal at the right time. And grounding it in any one time period would have clashed with the sense of timelessness. I also feel strongly that any magic system is going to have a tangible impact on the technical progression of a society, and of course, the Blessed Empire has a fairly robust international trade economy to bring in influences from beyond its borders.

So there's an approximate period of 1400-1699 AD that I mostly try to stick to, but I'll cheerfully own to pulling from the 1200s, and I think a few things from the 1700s/1800s? (And one notable transgression from the Suez Canal in 2021. Time is a construct anyway! Might as well have fun with it.)

[canichangemyblogname]

Look. I was telling y’all that S8 is gonna explore how Gerrard’s presence will have a tangible influence on the culture and character of the 118 and its members, and possibly in ways y’all may not like, and here we are… y’all freaking out over BTS.

Buck and Eddie both have displayed a dramatic change of character style/presentation from seasons previous. That’s why part of this anon ask on @/bambibuckley’s blog got me thinking. Here is a snippet from that ask:

“A lot of fans [may] not … like the Eddie they see on screen. He’s at a very low point in his life… and we know that he’s going to start the season being very isolated and… that Gerrard has a sizable negative influence on people[]. We know from Buck’s coma arc that without Buck & Bobby’s influence, Eddie loses Chris and become[s] ‘Mr. Angry.’ … Eddie being Gerrard’s [favorite] [would] also further isolate him, but from his friends, as will his tendency to not buck authority. … I do expect that we fans will know when Gerrard is narratively ousted because in later BTS, Ryan Guzman as Eddie Diaz will suddenly be clean-shaven. I think the mustache is representative of Gerrard’s influence on him.”

The nonnie is right about Gerrard, as S7 drove home the point that Gerrard has a tangible (likely negative) impact on people’s character and the culture around him, and I really do believe S8 will continue to explore this. They spent a lot of time setting this up in S7 to just drop this plot point. Buck and Tommy, specifically, had several conversations about Gerrard and his influence on others and the 118.

Look— Your faves make mistakes. Your faves are not perfect people. EX: The part of Buck that likes to obey when that clipboard is at play could rear its ugly head under Gerrard. You forget that he can get super competitive and insecure. The same goes for the part of Eddie that likes to kiss the ass of authority and tends toward anger and self destruction when his personal life gets rough. You forget that this man nearly killed a man with his bare fists and took a baseball bat to his furniture and walls to cope with grief.

Sometimes certain people bring out the worst in us and sometimes when shit hits the fan, people regress. If that’s the route the story goes, you’re going to have to make peace with imperfect characters on your imperfect characters show.

I think y’all are already seeing the affect Gerrard will have on those two men, visually and personally, through BTS. Personally, though, I think y’all need to calm down about your faves potentially making nice with their new Captain. And ultimately, you’ll have to tune in to see if Gerrard actually brings out the worst them, what that “worst” is, and whether these changes are a reflection of that. Like— maybe just tune in and enjoy the show they give you, complex characters and all.

Y’all gotta stop freaking out about the possibilities of your faves making mistakes. Mostly because we don’t really know what’s gonna happen. But— it really feels like this meltdown is more due to the realization some of y’all backed yourselves into a moral corner with so many bad faith takes on Tommy not being the perfect gay, and now you’re worried you’ll have to confront with the fact there are other imperfect characters (on your imperfect characters show).

[lemonnsss]

Moral of the Story: Chapter 8

Warnings: Mild tangent based off of an actual conversation I had (I'm actually from D.C. so this was fun), one singular bad pun- it deserves its own warning, and probably strained warning.

Feedback is always appreciated

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Taglist: @vicmc624 , @mostlymarvelgirl , @yvonneeeee, @beetlejuicesupremacy , @moonlightreader649 , @whattheduckisupkyle , @chrisevans-realwife, @nekoannie-chan , @mrsbarnes32557038 , @imyourbratzdoll , @weallhaveadestiny

Word Count: 1.8k

“Apologies but until you had agreed and were here it was still considered confidential.”

“O-okay, um, where- or how should I start?”

The director stood across the bed from me, eyebrows furrowed, the room filled with silence apart from the constant, steady beeps of the machinery.

“How the hell should I know? You’re the one with the super-abilities.”

“Right, sorry, that was dumb. Do you know if any of his internal organs were damaged when he went under? Or have you had the chance to run any tests yet?”

“I’m sorry, what crash are we talking about?” Tony said, still standing in the doorway.

Fury pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance before responding, “When the Captain here decided to take a trip twenty thousand leagues under the sea he was in a, shall we say, pseudo-nazi aircraft with a fixed route on its way to the states. His options were to let the ship take its course and let millions die or take a nosedive, he took the latter, rather obviously. Speaking of,” the attention turned to me, “how did you know that?”

“Sir, I’m a licensed teacher from pre-k to high school- I’m not by any means immune to misinformation; although, I do have a bit more knowledge on the topic than most people- not to mention my…” my mind trailed off for a moment before coming back, “former colleague taught history, rather fitting as he lived through it, too.”

His one eye began to look me up and down, “Remind me, where did you work last? Aside from with the X-Men that is.”

There was an uncertainty in his voice that made the agents who went down the elevator with us glance at each other nervously. What I had seen twice in my less-than-a-day stint of knowing this man seemed uncommon or unsettling for those who had known him longer.

“I don’t believe I said. Besides, doesn’t your file on me say?” We were both fishing for information, a push and pull I’d grown adjusted to on the flight over.

He remained silent, motioning one of the residents to come over.

“S-so we ran s-some tests-,” he took a moment to breathe and calm himself down, he spoke with a light stutter, likely to have been more prevalent in his earlier years. It sounded like he had gotten speech therapy, and was likely better, nervous, but better, “a lot of the scans were, well are, useless. His blood, everything about him really, was frozen, barely mobile. So the extent of the internal injuries he potentially sustained upon impact is uncertain. I sent for some new prints of the scans we took last week, but they haven’t come in yet; they’ll probably arrive today but it’s pretty touch and go sometimes.” He finished talking with a meek smile, likely proud of how he handled the situation.

“You did the scans last week and they’re only coming in today?” I could feel the look of confusion that overtook my face, he chuckled lightly and rubbed his neck.

“Yeah, we don’t have the equipment to produce the scans here so we send them over to the hospital over in Takoma Park to print- they have the most up-to-date machinery, and they were the only ones willing to work with us privately- so it takes a bit of time.”

“Perks of D.C., eh? Either have the most outrageous tax or go out of district.”

“Exactly! Say, did you grow up ‘round here?”

“No, up in Salem. I used to teach. I planned enough ‘government trips’ to last a few lifetimes.”

I could’ve sworn I heard him mutter a few “cool” s under his breath before he spoke up again, “It was nice getting to talk with you, but I kinda have some other patients I gotta check up on.” he moved by Fury, a “sir” slipping out as he passed and a little wave to me as he left.

The four who accompanied me in the elevator looked at each other, all but Tony practically questioning if this was normal for me.

The director cleared his throat, calling my attention back over to him, "When can you start?"

"Oh! Any time. I was only wondering how badly he was hurt so I can give you my best estimation for how long it'll take me to finish this."

“Will this not be a one-time excursion?”

“...No? Not likely.”

I was done with conversing, done with this nonsense. Placing my hand on the captain’s chest the area where we touched began to glow with a golden hue- I’d always been told my eyes did the same. It was unlike healing Tony a year ago- I didn’t have to rush, it wasn’t life or death- I could take my time and triage.

His biggest issue was hypothermia, unsurprisingly. I felt the cold move through his body to mine. A deep chill settled in my bones.

I pulled away, “Do you know if there’s a heating pad somewhere? Or something like it?” I hadn’t looked at them, afraid of how they would react. A few seconds of silence passed before I turned to them- Tony looked confused, maybe he didn’t see what my powers looked like, and he probably had some blood loss going on at the time; Fury stood unwavering with the smallest tent in his brow, but then again who could read him; the male agent who’d gone with us was standing, mouth slightly agape; and the female agent was gone slipped out without a sound- weird.

She looked like she’d be the ‘hard-ass’ type despite her being, what, 5’3”-5’4”. She was maybe Tony’s age, though it was difficult to tell, her seemingly ageless golden skin a potential factor, Tony’s substance abuse didn’t exactly help his cause though.

She walked back in, a wired heating pad in hand, she lifted it in the air inquisitively before tossing it to me.

“Thank you, Agent-”

“It’s no problem.” She cut me off gruffly.

I set the heating pad up in a chair and sat down, placing my hand back on the captain, and, over a few hours, I healed him as much as I could before returning to the hotel for the night. A comfortable cycle that lasted for a few months.

I walked into S.H.I.E.L.D.’s office for what would likely be the last time, at least soon.

I walked up to the agents who had escorted me on my first day- Agents May and Coulson I’d learned.

“Ready for your last day?” Coulson asked a melancholic tone laced his voice.

“Are you excited to be done with babysitting me?” I teased.

I’d gotten more comfortable around Coulson, though it wasn’t exactly difficult with his rather ‘easy-going’ nature, and comfortable enough around Agent May to talk to her. We walked along the rather familiar path to Captain Rogers’ room. I made quick work of healing what remained of his injuries.

He still wasn’t awake. For whatever reason I thought Cap would wake up when I had finished healing him.

Coulson and I talked for a while before heading to the entrance once I’d gotten word back from Tony that his chauffeur was there to pick me up.

“I’m gonna miss you, kid.” he whispered, pulling me into a side hug.

“I’ll miss you too, Phil.” I replied, “ It was nice getting to know you, Agent-”

“May, call me May.” She cut me off, “And, unless you quit within the next year we’ll probably see you soon. Stark has an odd habit of getting in trouble with almost anyone and everyone.” 

“I’ll miss you too.”

A car horn was blaring outside for a minute and I knew it was Tony, “Guess that’s my cue, goodbye.” I sent them a soft smile and a wave before I got in the car.

A few months passed by with ease with the Stark Expo taking up more time and paperwork than I could’ve imagined. I walked in one day to see Coulson in Tony’s office.

“Phil? Oh my gosh, it’s so good to see you! What’s got you across the country?”

“It’s good to see you too, kid. I’m here because S.H.I.E.L.D. is requesting Mr. Stark’s presence.” He spoke rather cooly about Tony, a stark contrast to his normal.

“TONY! Did you break the Geneva Convention?!” Tony looked at me speechless, feigning hurt I would even think of it, Coulson stood beside me struggling and barely holding back a chuckle.

“No, unfortunately not. ‘We’ need to borrow him, more specifically the ‘Iron Man’ suit. As I was saying before, we have a helicarrier waiting for your arrival.”

“Okay, Tony. Please, stop being a bitch and get your shit. You’re lucky they step in enough to keep you out of prison for some likely war criminal activity. Suck it up and grab your bags.” I walked to Tony’s desk and put down his coffee before walking into my office and grabbing the duffel I had stuffed in the corner of the room.

I walked back out, “Where’d you say the plane was?”

Coulson showed me to the plane where we waited for about twenty minutes before Tony walked over with his bags. We piled in and got up to the helicarrier, a giant airbase I was told was legal.

May was waiting for us on deck and showed me to my room before leaving me to unpack.

I had to have been walking through those damn near identical hallways for half an hour before giving up.

After yelling into my hands I spoke, to no one but myself, “How do people even get around these things? It’s a whole death trap, I swear.”

“Exactly!” A voice called out from behind me. I turned around to find a familiar face, Captain America, “I guess you don’t work here either?”

“Oh, um, no. You couldn’t pay me to stay on this thing.”

He laughed revealing a warm smile that fit his beautiful, angel-like face perfectly.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Steve Rogers.”

“Kyrie Eirsson- I’m Mr. Stark’s personal assistant.”

I saw his eyes widen in recognition at the second half, “Oh! You’re the person I’m supposed to find.”

“What? Oh, fuck, that’s embarrassing.” I held my face in my hands, my face flushing furiously, I moved my fingers to see the Captain’s face. He stood across from me, face turned away, fist in front of his mouth in a failing attempt to hide his wide grin.

“In any case, Stark’s having a fit without you on the bridge. Shall we?” He held out his arm for me to take.

“I disappear for what, forty-fifty minutes and he goes nuts without me, shocker.” I took his arm gleefully, laughing at how ridiculous the situation was.

[whinlatter]

Hi! Just wanting to say I adore Beasts. Well- I adore all your fics that I have been making my way through, but Beasts has just been marinating in my brain quite happily lately! I enjoy how you don’t shy away from the complexities of what it would be like for our characters in post, pre, current, and then post again war time conditions.

I was wondering since you brought up the McGonagall vs Kingsley or more specifically Hogwarts vs Ministry and who is responsible for the youth or the abuse that said youth experienced- how would that impact the canonical abuse/neglect Harry experienced both at the Dursleys but also the fact that he had an attempt on his life every year he was at hogwarts. I have always wondered in that ever really coming to light- who would the public be saying should be held responsible? I know people in fandom tend to place all the blame neatly on Dumbledore (which I personally disagree with) but how about the ministry? Child services?

Would his abuse by the Dursleys cause an upturn in anti muggle sentiment? I remember in the fourth book when Hermione was receiving hate mail in regards to her “hurting” Harry she had people simultaneously supporting Harry for stopping Voldemort but also being wildly blood supremacist towards her in the same breath. I could imagine for Kingsley, trying to face a wildly anti muggle status quo culture, if it got out the nature of Harry’s relationship with his muggle relatives people might actually riot.

Along with the “telling each other things” part of their relationship and Harry realizing how he needs to be better at providing more emotional support for Ginny and how much support Ginny already provides for him- if the nature of his abuse or even mentioning the cupboard ever came out how that could potentially shift things. The fact that we never know for certain if Harry ever even TOLD anyone about the cupboard in canon actually blows my mind

thank you so much for this interesting question, anon, and for reading beasts and and enjoying it and having a good ol think about it (every fic author's dream, having your story camp out for a bit in someone else's head - makes me beam). have tried to answer said interesting question - on what harry’s friends, family and a wizarding public would make of his time at the dursleys, and broader wizarding cultural ideas about child welfare and protection - below!

TW: generalised, non-specific references to child abuse and neglect

your question is interesting because it raises the question both of wizarding perceptions of muggle child-rearing and norms in wizarding society about the idea of child protection. i've written a bit before about how i tend to think about harry's abuse at the hands of the dursleys, which to try and put it in context as a literary trope in a particular genre (eg. the dursleys as roald dahl-esque pantomime anti-orphan villains) that the series outgrows and then tries to sidestep dealing with. harry's abuse at the dursleys is one of the most glaring examples of the series' tonal shifts and muddy, dissatisfactory space between genre conventions: a series that begins with harry as a matilda-esque figure dealing with pantomime cartoonish child-hating baddies and by the end is busy heavily implying the fact of egregious, gruesome violence against children (ariana dumbledore, for instance). morfin gaunt's violence against his daughter merope, as depicted in HBP, is absolutely not supposed to be farcical quaint slapstick, and as such it jars with the way harry's relationship with the dursleys is depicted early on in the series, which is a much more light-hearted story of ten years of dodging frying pans wielded by baffoonish, ridiculous cariactures of suburban english tories.

the dursleys exist for the young reader to jeer at and immediately hate rather than be taken seriously as portraits of child abusers. that somewhat colours how i personally tend to approach writing about harry's views of his upbringing - eg. don't spend too long trying to make the dursley plot consistent because the author certainly didn't.

i also tend to take cues from how harry the character canonically seems to reflect on and process his upbringing (ie. he recognises it was abuse, but he also recognises he didn't deserve it, and while he is certainly shaped and affected by it, he is not singularly traumatised by it, particularly relative to all of his other terrible teenage experiences). i think harry isn’t hiding the dursleys’ treatment of him from his friends. but nor is he talking about it all the time. as of book 2 the weasleys have decided his treatment is horrific and worthy of a jailbreak, which doesn't suggest they're all in the dark about it ('they were starving him, mum!') - i think they follow his cues on how much he wants to talk about it and have filled in the blanks well enough.

what a broader wizarding public would make of harry's treatment by the dursleys if they knew about it is tricker to think through, and asks us to read between the lines of the text re wizards' expectations/understanding of child welfare and children's protection, and how they might collide with wizards' varying attitudes to muggle culture, which range from polite fascination all the way to wanting to slaughter muggles en masse and hunt them down for sport.

(here's miss trunchbull from matilda, fulfilling genre conventions as only she can, also demonstrating what is likely a popular wizarding pastime: yeeting children).

on the one hand, there doesn't seem to be any kind of child protective services in the wizarding world or responsibility on the part of the state for child welfare. when it comes to children’s health and wellbeing, the wizarding state is hands off and happy about it. a few examples:

bob ogden's visit to the gaunts, for instance, ends in arrests, but seemingly not for child abuse - morfin and marvolo go to jail for attacking muggles and ministry employees, not for abusing merope, suggesting at a minimum there isn't much appetite for prosecuting child abuse or, in an unlikely but still possible reading, there are no express laws against abusing children in the wizarding world under which marvolo and morfin could have been charged.

muriel is critical of the dumbledore family's treatment of ariana ('though to take it to the extreme of actually imprisoning a little girl in the house and pretending she didn’t exist - '), but in the same breath also reveals that ariana was never examined or treated by any healer working at st mungo's, suggesting a distinct lack of scrutiny over children's health and wellbeing.

filch, longstanding school caretaker kept on under dumbledore (who, for all fandom’s ire at him, is a progressive among wizards on all sorts of things including on education and child welfare), frequently expresses a desire to 'whip students raw' and string them up by their ankles. the day umbridge tells filch she's going to sign an approval for whipping is clearly the happiest of his life, and filch exits the text having been outdone as a child abuser only by the carrows (eg. the two who literally encourage child on child torture), which is saying something. mcgonagall calls him a 'fool' (what are you like, argus!) and then lets him supervise the evacuation from the castle. just caretaker things!

does this mean witches and wizards don’t care about child abuse? i don’t want to say a flat no to that. as the muriel point on ariana suggests, even old-fashioned wizarding elders seem to think there is a right and a wrong way to care for children, and believe there are lines that can be crossed in terms of what’s fair and right to do to children under your care. umbridge cites a concern for the vulnerable children of hogwarts in making her case for more ministry interference at hogwarts, a case that makes her popular with many in the wizarding public, which implies some cultural sense of children as innocents who need to be protected. at the same time, though, we also see even progressive witches and wizards use corporeal punishment (the weasleys smack their children for particularly severe transgressions, as many middle class british families did well up to the millennium), and poor neville gets dangled out of a sodding window and his family are supposed to be kind of goodies. as we’re also told in canon witches and wizards are hardier and more durable physically than muggles, we also might expect that may shape wizarding attitudes to what you can do to a child in punishment without lasting damage or moral qualm. so it seems that wizards do have a cultural understanding of child abuse, even if they’re a bit hazy (or more forgiving) in what counts as abusive.

but. the example you mention - a wizarding public who are happy to hate harry but also happy to ride to his defence if they think a muggleborn tart has wronged him because of their kneejerk blood supremacy - is a really good one. canon is clear that hypocrisy is wizarding's britain's bread and butter. so i can absolutely see a right-wing commentariat doing what right-wing commentariats love to do most, which is selectively care about imagined or real violence against children only when it suits their political agenda. given the wizarding press canonically implies dumbledore has sinister intentions with harry potter the troubled youth (nonce allegations abound), i don’t think it would be a surprise if an anti-dumbledore camp seized on knowledge of harry’s experiences at the dursleys as proof of dumbledore’s hypocrisy, cruelty and dishonour.

as you mentioned ginny i will indulge myself and say a few remaining words about our girl. the question of how ginny would think about harry’s upbringing, and specifically what she would make of dumbledore leaving harry to the dursleys’ neglect for the greater good, is - i’m afraid - very interesting to me. ginny lives out ‘for the greater good’ in her war in lots of different ways; for one, she has to accept the likely prospect of harry’s death because of it. now, we know ginny names her son after albus dumbledore. i don’t think this is an act of charity, but a statement of how she and harry come to think of dumbledore and the sacrifices his plan demanded of them and others around them — ie. ultimately, they accept and support them, even if they acknowledge the terrible cost incurred. it’s not a particularly popular view in fandom at the minute, because (understandably and not entirely wrongly) audiences now see the surrendering of a very young child to abusive parents as part of a broader political and military strategy as perverse. that’s a changing-cultural-tastes-genre-trope issue as much as anything. but any of our revulsion at the idea is not how these characters - or even a wizarding public en masse - would necessarily would come to think of dumbledore’s decision to leave harry at the dursleys. (thinking of sirius’ very sad, very important line from OotP here: that ‘there are things worth dying for’).

[tavyliasin]

Disability Pride Essays - Shadowheart, Memory Loss, Depression, and Invisible Chronic Pain

We’re at our last Origin Character for the Disability Month Essays, so it’s time to dive into the most mysterious of the starting companions. Shadowheart has quite a complex story as it relates to physical and mental health, as well as how the two can be inextricably linked to one another too. There’s a lot to look at in how she progresses through the game, from how her story can follow different paths, to her own relationship to her sense of self and memories. So let’s start off once again with our warnings for the content that will follow, and you can then choose if you are in the right headspace to proceed with the discussion or if it’s best skipped or saved for another day. I’ll be taking a look at the difficulties of memory loss through a variety of causes, from PTSD to degenerative conditions. I’m also going to mention some of the deeper aspects of depression and potentially a few of the less helpful coping mechanisms for that. Shall we?

What is Shadowheart’s Disability?

Shadowheart’s main issues are quite clear from the beginning of the game, with her lack of most memories and a very casual attitude to how it is affecting her. We also catch glimpses at times of the pain, which might be something that people who experience fluctuating pain conditions - and particularly nerve pain issues - may well identify as they look on screen. Once we get deeper though, we see more aspects akin to depression and trauma - her lack of care for whatever it is she’s missing in here memory with the adamant denial that “it must be so terrible there was a reason I don’t want to remember” or simply that Shar knows best. There’s also a potential thought further on her mental health, as she pins her entire identity and life goals on what someone else has decided for her.

How Do We See The Disability In The Game?

We have quite a clear progression in Shadowheart’s story, with the big twist in the middle of whether she can be convinced to take the harder path to healing (and the fun “reinvent yourself by changing your hair/look” is quite common in those struggling with mental health) or whether she leans in to the nihilism and darker thoughts. The early sections also show more of the pain coming out of nowhere, as she grips her hand, looks to be in obvious distress, yet soon minimises her own suffering because there are more important things that she needs to do and worry about. The impact really comes from how the lack of memories impacts her decision making and even her interactions with others. Once she regains her memories, realises what she has been made to give up, there’s a marked difference in how Shadowheart relates to both those around her and herself as well. A lot of it is shown through her relationship to the very-real-in-Faerun gods Shar and Selune, though you could easily think of these instead as literal representations of Loss and Depression vs Hope and Healing. 

How Does This Reflect Real Life?

In real life, we don’t have spiteful deities and cult-like church leaders physically stripping memories from our minds, or an angelic being helping us to restore them, but there are plenty of conditions that can cause temporary and permanent memory loss. One that is sometimes controversial in the field of psychology is full memory repression - which is where a person’s mind, upon encountering a deeply traumatic incident, will completely repress the traumatic memories in an attempt to protect the individual from the impact of them. It’s one of those automatic and not consciously decided coping strategies that the mind will utilise for self preservation - if you don’t remember the terrible thing, it can be as if it never happened to you. I’ll go into this in more detail in its own section later, but it is one of the ways we can interpret Shadowheart’s memory loss and probably the closest to her experience in real world terms. Other causes of memory loss can be literal physical injuries disrupting nerve pathways in the brain either losing the memory completely or temporarily blocking the ability to access it. Medication and other treatments can also cause temporary or permanent memory problems, as can a number of conditions such as dementia, stroke, seizures, and similar brain-related incidents.  Aside from this, we have the physical pain that Shadowheart shows in her hand. When I saw this, I immediately felt that connection to my experience of chronic pain and particularly nerve conditions. These can cause a sudden flare up of pain with no cause - out of nowhere it can feel like someone has grabbed hold of your bones and crushed them, or that somehow there must be a wound in your shoulder because it hurts so suddenly and acutely… Similar to how Shadowheart doesn’t understand her own pain’s cause at first, it can be deeply frustrating and also terrifying to not know when you’re going to feel as if you’re being actively hurt by something.

But let’s take a deeper look at each of these, and how we can relate Shadowheart’s story to our own lives and better understand those around us too.

Sudden Onset Pain

I’m going to start with the simplest here - the pain. Most peoples’ experience of pain is that it is a cause and effect equation: There’s something making it hurt, and there is also something that will stop it from hurting (eg, medication, rest, heat packs, etc). Some disabilities, however, are marked by pain that does not have a cause or a cure. Something can hurt with no warning, no reason, and there will be nothing that can stop it from hurting. It’s unfair, it’s scary, and it can also be confusing and frustrating to those around us. That’s where we need patience, for our friends and loved ones to take a moment to realise this pain was not a choice and there’s not much we can do about it. There’s no healing potion, no spell or cleric or herb or simple prayer that will just make it go away, and it may hit at very inconvenient times for all of us. Do try to avoid the temptation to suggest treatments, and be aware that one very good way to make us feel better is for anyone telling us that diet or yoga will make it all better to be immediately removed from the vicinity - preferably by trebuchet, but the nearest door will do! Which is to say, well meaning concern and offers to help and advise aren’t what we need. We need companions who will stay with us, listen, understand that whilst we might be able to go adventuring one day we may not be able to manage the same thing the next day.

And, of course, that we are probably more frustrated than anyone else by having sudden onset and unpredictable symptoms prevent us from living our lives.

Trauma and PTSD

Let’s go a little deeper now, because it really is impossible to discuss Shadowheart’s story without looking at PTSD and the marked impact it has on her life and ability to function in the ways that she wants to. The biggest thing for her for a long time is around wolves - similar to how someone in real life might be chased or even bitten by a dog in childhood and develop a fear of them, Shadowheart similarly finds her nightmares filled by the phobia of wolves. We see this in how she reacts even to just a sound, but when faced by more we have those game stats showing the just how strong that fear reaction is. Connecting by tadpole, we catch glimpses of the tiny scraps of memory that it brings back out, but it doesn’t make sense to her. There isn’t enough there to put all the pieces together. That’s something that may well feel familiar to those who have experienced memory loss from PTSD - tiny shards of that fractured memory can linger in dreams, or rush to the surface in flashbacks when exposed to a triggering stimulus. A sound, a smell, a word, a phrase, a sight, a texture, a taste - any of the senses can be the key to reopening memories that have been repressed. What I mentioned above, flashbacks, those are arguably the most severe symptoms of PTSD. In these moments, a sufferer who has encountered the triggering stimulus will find their mind can begin to recreate the entire traumatic scenario. This could even include hallucinations, but is often marked by very strong emotions and a more dream/daydream/nightmare-like rush of memories and images and sensations. “Feeling like you’re back in that moment” is the key, whether it’s limited to the emotions of feeling everything that was felt at that time, or a far more direct reliving of the memories and experiences. In the game, Shadowheart is able to confront the source of her trauma incredibly directly, and in doing so to overcome that. Real life, unfortunately, rarely affords such simple solutions. Instead there’s a lot more work with the help and support of both trained professionals and loved ones, but it is still possible to recover. Just as we see Shadowheart in her Selunite ending - finding peace with herself, her family, and even learning to bond with animals again over time - so can we in real life take the time to do the hard work (and therapy really is work) to uncover the causes of the trauma and deal with them until they no longer impact our lives so severely. Which really is to say that even though it might seem impossible, like there are just too many mages in a battle casting darkness and unfair spells constantly, it’s a fight you can still win with the right party, training, and inventory.

Memory, Identity, and Depression

Now let’s focus in on the memories. Shadowheart presents us with a very distinct and severe memory loss, it’s quite clear cut at first as she can tell you what she remembers and that the rest is just not there. As we move forward into act 3, and also bringing her back to her home city surrounded by familiar things, that’s where we see her memories returning and stabilising again. She starts to identify things, talk about them, telling stories as they come back to her about her youth and the things she still recalls. This can be quite a strong parallel to a variety of memory issues, but particularly I feel this connecting to degenerative memory conditions like Dementia. This might sound odd, but there’s some strong suggestions that being around the familiar and stimulating the sufferer by talking with them often and encouraging them to talk about themselves can retain more memory. Whilst it might still fluctuate, inconsistent and changing from day to day, there can be more “good days” when that stimulus is there to bring up more positive memories.  But aside from the basic mechanics of being able to remember, there’s also a core part of our identity that’s formed by our experiences. For Shadowheart, she has lost her name, her family, her past, and anything that Shar and Viconia decided she didn’t need to be able to fill the role they made for her. She pins everything for her future on a single goal, following orders and aiming to gain what she believes to be a prestigious position that she has always wanted. Becoming “Shadowheart”, hardening herself, ensuring she doesn’t allow herself to be “weak” or to fail the task assigned to her… It becomes an entire identity. There’s nothing beyond that at first, and her arc if she regains her memories becomes about regaining her identity and working out how to reconcile everything she strived so hard for with the full reality and what her new goals have become.

And there are parts of this that can mirror depression, too. Leaning on darker thoughts, going through the motions to complete tasks without much thought beyond that one goal, and also becoming very closed off to those around you. It’s very easy to see that if Shadowheart had remained on this path, isolated from all positive influences, she would’ve continued along it easily.

It is simply easier to go along with the day to day, to sink into the comfortable and not put in that work to change, and I realise as I’m writing this that it might sound as if I am blaming those struggling with depression for not fixing it, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I know very well that easy path, how it’s simpler to push people away than to let them in, how it can be far more comfortable to avoid unpleasant thoughts and memories than to face them head on.

There really is a common theme for a lot of us to try to dye our hair and change our look as we’re pulling out of that low place, to have that strong physical difference that reminds us we are moving forwards, but it does come with a risk. We need to reconcile our entire selves, rather than simply rejecting who we were or pretending that our struggle is gone completely. Similarly, Shadowheart finds her whole look changing, a very striking and physical difference that marks her turning away from Shar and the comfort of forgetting, to the far harder path of trying to heal and face her fears.

Looking back on the essay with Astarion, there’s another moment here where we can see a parallel to addiction and former friends turning against us. This might not be so common with depression, but there may still be friends and loved ones who see a change in how a person is when recovering from an extended depressive episode and finding that they no longer fit in any more, or that the relationship is not as compatible as it used to be. That can be painful, to lose friends or even have them turning against you, but it is something we see both in the game and in real life at times.

Depression and mental illness are tough, and the recovery is arguably even tougher, but it is still very much worthwhile. Do try to ensure you have the proper and full support both from your friends and family as well as mental health professionals if at all possible.

And remember - it may well feel worse before it feels better. It might not be as simple and clear cut as a battle against physical foes, but to get out of that darkness there will be a fight and often some shadows of fears and memories that need to be brought into the light and fully understood before they can fade and shrink away. Recovery is rarely such a straight and smooth line, too, but one bad day does not erase the progress.

What We Can Learn From Shadowheart’s Story

Perhaps some opinions may differ, but one of the main things I take away from Shadowheart’s story is how patience, understanding, and letting someone work through things at their own pace as much as possible can be far more effective than trying to deny their reality or force them to change all at once. Whether we can identify and sympathise with the experiences of mental health struggles and memory difficulties, or the more direct suffering of chronic conditions and pain that doesn’t have a simple cause, there’s the common thread that we do not need to fully understand what’s going on to show kindness and care. It might be a tough concept to really empathise with from an outside perspective, but these experiences can be quite simply terrifying. It’s said that a lot of fear comes from the unknown, and that’s a common theme here too. From not knowing the real cause of visceral physical pain, to a literal lack of memories, to the absolute peak of fear in the form of PTSD and phobias when we may not know what triggered it or when it will subside - all of them stem from that unknown. That’s why it will always be important to talk about these topics, to gain understanding not only of those around us but of ourselves too - even if you have been fortunate enough to never identify directly with anything covered in today’s topics, you might just understand a little more about yourself in other ways. So I’m going to leave today with a slight apology for the delay between pieces, and also if this one feels less coherent - I’m feeling a little foggy myself from the impact of some stresses and medications, and an all-too-common lack of quality sleep on this side of the screen! But I hope you have found some of this to be interesting as we’ve looked through Shadowheart’s journey through her story, and how this can mirror real world experiences of disability and chronic health symptoms. As always, I’d love to open the floor to any of you in the comments or reblogs to talk about how you’ve connected to the story of Shar’s disciple and her journey to recover what she lost. I’ll see you next time as we go over Halsin’s character and how he can relate to disability, followed by a couple of bonus rounds from NPCs if I have time and energy before the month is out.

Be kind to yourselves and those around you, there’s no way to know what pains someone might be keeping quiet about. Patience and compassion can go a long way to helping us all find the light in the dark~

[a-polite-melody]

Doctors really do need to learn to actually listen to what their patients are saying instead of making assumptions.

I was reading through the notes on this post [x] and so much of people’s complaints boil down to doctors not actually listening to the patient about the pain they’re in or the things the patient can speak to by living in their body.

And like. I have a story which shows just how much doctors do not like to listen to what you’re saying and just assume what you’re saying which broadens the scope of the problem from just their diagnostics to and overall thing.

When I broke my ankle in 2018 both bones in the ankle broke, which meant I needed surgery to put a plate and pins in to stabilize the break.

I was scheduled in for surgery on a day, and I had to fast from dinner the night before. They had me come in at some point, but then sent me home in the evening because they ended up not having time for my surgery that day because of other things coming up and whatnot. This happens sometimes. It’s unfortunate, but it happens.

When they told me to go home, they said I could have a small meal, but then to fast again, and I’d be called in the next day. And so I did.

The next day the same thing happens: I come in on an empty stomach, and then in the evening I’m sent home because they did not have time for my surgery that day.

At this point I am suffering from not just the stress of being unable to walk or get around by myself, but extreme hunger because of two days of fasting. Because I know I’m a fat woman-looking person, I have my dad be the one to ask the doctor any questions which could get brushed off, and so I express to my dad when the doctor is out of the room that I can’t fast another day like this with no surgery—that either tomorrow needs to be the surgery day or that I need to be able to eat normally for a few days and we try again another time and hope it takes less than three days of fasting to get the surgery done.

When the doctor comes back in, my dad expresses to the doctor for me that I am absolutely starving from the fasting and that it is impacting my mental health at this point. My dad then asks how much longer it could take before the surgery is actually completed?

The doctor responds, “oh, we can wait for weeks to do this surgery.”

I burst into tears, because, with the context of my father explaining that the issue is that I’m too hungry to continue before having asked how many more days this might take, the doctor answering that it could take weeks meant that they would be trying to force me to keep fasting for weeks until they could do the surgery.

The doctor seemed puzzled and asked me what was wrong, and said that it would be fine to leave it that long, that it’s not dangerous for fixation surgery to take that long before it’s done and that it won’t mean my ankle is any worse off.

I damn near scream, “but I’m going to have to eat no more than one small meal a day potentially FOR WEEKS until you finally get around to me on your list!?”

And then the doctor is like, “oh! No! Of course not! I just thought you were worried about it healing wrong with how long it was taking to operate! No, we can give you a day off of fasting and coming in, no problem!”

I desperately wanted to put my fist through his face.

Like. A doctor can be told the exact problem that someone has, but they’re so wrapped up in what patients are ~always complaining about to no end and it’s so annoying to deal with problem patients~ that they don’t fucking pay a lick of attention to anything, hone in on a key word, and decide from there what the “real” complaint is.

[spartazia-blog]

The Polin fandom (over)reaction and discussion around the Marina plot always blows me away because people are so over the top about it. Like, I also didn’t love it, but I sense for incredibly different reasons.

For me, the issue is more that it doesn’t treat Colin as his own character and rather just as the plot device that exists to develop Marina and mostly Pen. Colin gets basically zero POV and *that* bugs me. It could be a great story for his development but he’s essentially forgotten. He’s betrayed by the first woman he believes himself in love with and is exposed to that truth along with everyone else in highly public and humiliating fashion. That would rattle a person’s confidence in their ability to trust their own instincts to the core! And now it’s going to happen again! He’s going to fall in love with someone who is keeping a massive and potentially life-altering secret from him. How would he not see and have to grapple with that parallel? But none of that matters to the majority of the Polin fandom.

For a lot of people, it seems to be more about the fact that Colin is supposed to “belong” to Pen and him having any interest in someone else makes him lesser. Him and how he was impacted matters way less than that it made Pen sad to watch it.

Hence why so many want Colin to have to “watch Pen with someone else like she had to do” Which completely ignores the actual story that played out with Marina and how, while I understand and empathize with her, she was not an actual LI for him?

Side note: That also kind of reflects in how the fandom casts Marina so often as the villain/punching bag but rarely is that focus on her impact on Colin. It’s almost always about Pen and how *she* felt. People care more about one unkind moment, done out of fear and desperation, of Marina towards Pen than they do about the totality of Colin.

I also think, and this is the most controversial part, that people do know deep down that how Pen handled things with LW wasn’t great but, despite complaining that no one accepts her complexity, they don’t want to grapple with her choices or actually allow her that complexity. Hence, Marina bad but also somehow Colin bad so they must suffer for causing Pen pain (however indirectly) while we must brush past the impact that LW and Pen’s choices had on Marina and will continue to have on Colin. It’s also why Colin’s pain and how he was impacted only really seems to come up when people want to make Marina look like a villain so they can argue that Pen did nothing wrong. All initial discussions about the Marina storyline centre Pen and how it made her feel.

It’s why, again, people are so ready for Colin to “suffer” and uplifting some random plot device character (I have not and will not bother to learn his name.) Because, at the end of the day, even though the person actually most hurt and impacted by Marina *and* Penelope’s choices was Colin, he committed the ultimate sin of liking someone before Pen and that matters more to most of this fandom. Because, if most of us are truly honest, Colin doesn’t matter to this fandom other than as an extension of Pen. He is her prize and not his own worthy of development and complexity character.

P. S. If you don’t believe me, spend 2 minutes perusing the Ao3 page for Polin. How many stories are about Colin truly grappling with everything vs him being ‘punished’? And how often does that ‘punishment’ feature Marina cheating on/mistreating/abusing him but still focus mostly on Pen? Spoiler: it’s a huge chunk.

[mskinkyafro]

I have a question but don’t hate me for it. And I’m being deadass bc after today’s volume it has me thinking.

And I understand that my perspective is more lax and indifferent bc I’m not on a loyal route this season but I’ll ask here. I would on the Reddit but they’d bully me…anyway…

What do you guys consider is loyal? What is expected?

Bc don’t get me wrong, outside of narratively having all the Li’s react the same and question their compatibility with Mc being a huge mistake.

At surface value, I feel like this is one of these times that it feels like players/fandom want our li to just be passive. Like non-reactive to the villa. Only to be around and obsess with Mc.

Bc I get is a whiplash and sting to have your fave li, one you spent all the time with or gems etc just to have one date and that all is questioned. But that’s all apart of being on love island the games/show.

Like some people out of fear how fast their attachments and feelings grew, which is what the Li said causes them to second guess. But it felt like real motivation that was purely about them. And not Mc. And I like that.

Sometimes these Li act with only us, the player in mind. And I wish they’d be more independent from Mc.

Also I understand there was no true conversation it was kinda just put out there for Mc to deal with. And tbh I wish FB had committed to it being a TRUE DILEMMA. Because the impact was minimal bc your Li changes their mind in like 5 seconds. And it was waste of time.

Now if it was for a few days or for one full volume where they were splitting time between Mc and Uma or even as far as wanting to share with Uma at one point. That would be interesting.

And I feel like more and more as I keep playing these newer seasons I’m starting to realize I hate that. I hate the “loyal” route expectations of our Li.

And as I play other games and stories, I forget how GREAT it was when the characters have motivations outside of Mc. And if it potentially hurts Mc feelings or not what we as the player would want, we just have to deal with that. Bc the character is making a decision based on what is good for themselves in that moment.

Idk if I’m along sense, but it feels like nowadays the fandoms doesn’t want that. They like the way out Li is basically our pet.

Idk I’m just curious bc we say Mc is embarrassed or the Li wasn’t loyal but I mean damn, they can’t even decide what relationship is best for them. I know they say one thing and then it’s all like well maybe I’m second guessing. It’s dumb but felt like a real moment. Idk that’s why I’m asking like, is loyal to yall where your Li should never second guess or want anyone else ever. Is that really how you’d prefer your Li?

And don’t get me wrong, I’ve played most of these seasons on a loyal route so I get it. But maybe I’m just forgetting but I don’t feel like the older ones had this as bad as I’d say seasons 6-9 have lately. And on one hand it’s nice in some cases but todays volume really solidify that I like a challenge in these games or some sort of like story that yes I can influence but I want to see what they do and decide. I feel like I’m not making sense. Idk 🤷🏾‍♀️

[audiblehush]

I know this isn’t really relevant to the recent promo we’ve gotten (which I’m still swooning over, for the record), but I’ve been thinking about how some people in this fandom have been fussing over Pen having a potential suitor (or suitorS, we don’t really know) this season, and I don’t understand their complaints, I guess?

… like, I’m pretty sure that it’s meant to MIRROR Season 1.

(…see what I did there? ;)

There are multiple ways in which Colin and Penelope’s stories / situations have mirrored the other. They are not perfect mirrors (that would be dull), but they ARE similar and I truly believe that it’s intentional to reinforce both Polin’s compatibility and ultimately their empathy for the other.

A few examples:

—

Colin: is viewed as the “one-dimensional” easy-going, un-serious, charming brother who never rocks the boat; never gets angry.

Pen: is viewed as a shy, quiet, harmless wallflower who never steps out of line and is kind of a doormat.

—

As a result of the above perceptions:

Colin: is desperate for something to fill his time and energy the way his brothers have something, SO he impulsively courts and proposes marriage to a girl he barely knows to feel needed and wanted in a way that makes him feel mature; and he gets the validation he seeks from Marina, as it suits her needs (I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, she genuinely needed him to be desperate for validation to get a quick marriage). A heady feeling, someone relying on you and telling you that you are desperately needed…

Penelope: is desperate to feel a part of the ton in any way she can, because her and her family are tolerated at best, and heavily criticized at worst. So rather than suffering through the season, crushed, and always on the sidelines against her will, after choosing to start LW —perhaps on a whim, perhaps it was discovered and encouraged by chance like in the books— she “chooses” to hug the wall and not be noticed… (not at all a coping mechanism and a fear of rejection, amirite??) …and she eventually gets the acceptance and validation she seeks by having the ton hang off her every word as LW…. Again, a heady thing for a lonely 17-18 year old who wants to be heard and who craves acceptance, however she can get it.

—

Penelope: has to watch the man she’s in love with, one of the few people who listens to her and who she shows aspects of her true, (sometimes cutting self) with, court and eventually propose to a girl she knows is actively manipulating him.

She then (quickly, imperfectly and messily) interferes to spare Colin from the plot… without his input (after a failed first attempt to appeal to him, in her defense… and then the time limit became a problem).

Colin: quickly and imperfectly interferes in Jack’s ruby scheme in order to fix his own rashness, but also to spare the Featherington family… (without their input, it must be noted, even though he says he does it for them).

…And now in season 3, Colin will need to watch as Pen attempts to attract suitors, possibly while he watches with feelings of jealously if she has some success (Edit: Though I doubt it will get all the way to an engagement; too redundant)

(And this is nothing but speculation, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if Colin either discovers something about one of the suitors, or about another plot entirely and is forced to make a difficult decision regarding it, that impacts Penelope).

—

Penelope: writes things that can have a negative impact on or hurt people, sometimes for her own own comfort (LW), even if it’s not intentional.

Colin: says and does things that hurt others or that are misleading / obliviously harmful, sometimes for his own comfort (avoiding the needling of those men at the end of S2), even if it’s not intentional.

—

Penelope: has self esteem that has been in the TRASH since the beginning of the series - this poor girl hates herself, and has had it reinforced often (and likely from a young age) that her thoughts and opinions aren’t worth hearing, and that she is never enough (and is one of a few reasons why I find the “she wanted Colin for herself!” takes about the end of S1 pretty laughable)… so she hides behind LW. Colin is one of the only people she’s hinted to that she can be biting (Eloise gets glimpses of it), and I think the ONLY one she has hinted at that she has “grand dreams”

Colin: ALSO has self esteem that is pretty low, desperately seeking something that he thinks will make him feel whole and complete, the forgotten middle child (same, bro…), and he masks this uncertainty by flaunting a fake confidence and hiding behind his hobbies and being what everyone wants him to be… also he he can keep people from looking deeper… while simultaneously desperate to be seen by those around him. Pen is the only person he’s really hinted at that he’s unhappy when they discuss purpose.

—

EDIT: How could I forget?! BOTH are the third children in their family. Colin is the forgotten middle child, and Pen is the youngest, but both are criticized by their acting heads of their household (Anthony for Colin, Portia for Penelope), and criticized by their siblings. Penelope’s sisters brutally mock her often: her weight, her skin, her letter-writing, etc. Colin’s siblings clearly mean to just tease him, but it’s obvious how much their lack of interest in him as a person hurts him and makes him feel invisible and unwanted (my poor boy 🥺…)

—

Mirrors, mirrors, and more mirrors. Sometimes they are funhouse mirrors, the situations aren’t ever exact, there are nuances and specific context to each, but imo the similarities are very intentional.

The show is going out of its way to put these characters on more equal footing, and to have each of them make blunders in their lives and in the lives of others, knocked off their respective pedestals, to set them up to be like “wow, I get it, I get YOU and I choose YOU, with all the highs and all the lows” … and I LOVE it!! 🥹

People in this fandom tend to relate to either Penelope, Colin, (or sometimes both), and that’s awesome… but that doesn’t mean they don’t each have flaws. It also doesn’t have to become a “who hurt who more, who is more right?” - I am so uninterested in that: pain isn’t a competition.

What I AM interested and invested in is their growth, seperetly and together, and the removal of their masks to truly see and accept the other.

So yeah, y’all. It’s called a parallel, and I really hope we get loads of them in S3. 🥰

I honestly really welcome conversation and thoughts about this; I’m pretty new to the fandom, but unfortunately I have seen a lot of people (on tumblr in particular) be very “holier than thou” if they don’t agree on an interpretation, and it makes the fandom seem very unwelcoming and makes me nervous to even post things, which is pretty ridiculous. :/

Fandom gonna fandom, I guess. 🤷‍♀️ I just really love this show and this pairing and I’m dying for S3.

[serenpedac]

End of year fic rec list 2023

I was looking at last year’s list and how it said I was excited for this year, because of the Book 3 release. And it was great to be here on tumblr while people were reading it and talking about it, and to see new people join! While this list isn’t about b3 itself, of course it did affect the fics that were written. It felt like the book was a lot about setting up pieces for the next book(s), and I adore how people incorporated these new bits of information into their own fic. We may have a long wait ahead for Book 4, but with people here sharing their writing, their art, their thoughts, I don't mind it all that much!

As always, there are many wonderful fics that are not on this list, like the ones from the fic exchange earlier this year (I'm very much looking forward to the Secret Santa as well). Not because they don’t deserve to be, but because my energy and time are limited and the list is already so very long haha

Thank all of you who shared your beautiful writing <3 

List below the cut! Please be mindful of potential warnings

sincerity is scary - @thee-morrigan

Fine. She was fine. Despite the strain of these past months, she continued to be perfectly fine. Had gotten through everything that’d been thrown at her. Not entirely smoothly, certainly not effortlessly, but…she had gotten through it.

This fic had to be the first on this list because it was exactly what I needed to read after finishing Book 3, even if I didn’t know it before reading it. So much is thrown at the detective in that book and, for a detective romancing N, there’s that one conversation at the end that must leave some kind of impact… This fic felt like it finally gave the detective (and me) time to let it all sink in and reflect—no matter how much Holland tries not to think about it. I’m just really thankful this fic exists.

quiet and content - @sealriously-sealrious

There’s more she wants to tell them—usually she’s so good at crafting her sentences with eloquence, tying them together and making them flow like silk. But then Marin’s hands are in her hair again, and that goes entirely out the window.

Choosing one of aeruh’s fics to share on this list was so so hard! They blessed us with many lovely fics, and I absolutely adored the lighthouse AU as well! But this oneshot about Nat and Marin just has so much warmth. Just like Nat gets to relax, be the one who is taken care of for once, I felt like I could sink into this fic. The perfect comfort read <3

to drink from a poisened well - @thcscus

His eyes refocused, one last time. As gray and as beautiful as the last time she lost him. “Mason,” she breathed, panic bursting across her body like fireworks. Stay with me.

Rereading this fic broke my heart again! The premise of Mason losing his memories of a romanced detective hurts so good. And to then have the two meet again, years later… Ah, I don’t want to spoil anything, but the story, the characterisation, the ending, everything here was so well-written! On top of that, the writing itself is simply wonderful. Loved it all!

Just a Nightmare - @lykegenia

Her blood sings, goads him, and his fangs lengthen behind his lips.

The start of this fic is so incredibly sexy!! And the rest is also so good. I love how Lykegenia explores what might happen if N stayed the night with the detective—something that was notably absent in b3. To add to that, Nate and Leah are one of my favourite couples, so to see the growth in their relationship in how Nate decides to trust and open up a little more at the end was lovely.

you make me laugh again, feelin’ so good - @lovelyfoolish

She used to think of these early-morning-after conversations as uncomfortable half-somethings. But they’ve become worn, softening the way leather does, or wool, and now the incomplete sentences feel more like uncut jewels, rough with possibility, an entire language constructed from what they leave unsaid.

A wonderful slice-of-life fic between Mason/detective. I love how it shows the beauty of a seemingly everyday moment. There’s something so delicate about this stage of their relationship, in how they have grown closer and more familiar with each other and are starting to share these “ordinary” moments, but there’s also a lot that’s still unexplored. This fic and its prose capture that beautifully. 

Scarlet Welly Boots - @cigarettesandinevitablebetrayal

“You’re going to be the best mum I’ve ever had. I know it.” He looks back down at the boots in his lap, wrinkling his nose. “Even if you buy me boots.”

I will always be in awe at the thought people put into the backstories of their OCs and this fic is an amazing example of that. The impact of Rook’s death is felt throughout this story, affecting the relationship between Ciaran (Raine) and Rebecca. But what I love the most about this fic is the bond between Ciaran and his brother Eoin. There’s this part in the second chapter that made me so soft <3 I know the detective canonically is an only child, but we need more sibling relationships! 

Half Past Seven? A Post It Note - @agentnatesewell

Don't you know, my beloved, I will give you all the seconds of my immortal life?

A short, sweet and little bit spicy fic! N leaving notes for a romanced detective is one of my favourite things and this note is so wonderfully Nate! His voice, the beautiful language in which he reminisces about the night before, how he thinks about their future together <3 The loveliest little treasure of a fic that I only discovered this year.

I Can’t See Me Lovin’ Nobody But You - @plasticdodecagon

His daughter, Avery. Her sweet smile and her chubby cheeks and her big, curious eyes. How he didn't want her to grow up without a father, how he didn't want her to feel lonely, how he always wanted her to feel loved.

Speaking of sibling relationships, this Rook lives AU has some wonderful ones as well! Reading about the family that the detective could have had, if Rook hadn’t died, may be a little bittersweet, but it’s mostly very heartwarming. PD’s interpretation of Rook is amazing, and this alternative take on how UB meets (not-detective) Avery and gets thrown into family life has been great! I’ve been enjoying every part of this fic so much!

Nightswimming - @nerdierholler

Beside him, Ethan floated, bathed in moonlight, stars reflected in his eyes.

First of all, this quoted sentence is beautiful and evocative and will stay with me for a while! After the pain b3 brought for A-mancers, this ficlet was like a soothing balm. Adam finally accepting his feelings and the tranquil feeling this brings him were written so well. The entire atmosphere of this fic was wonderfully quiet and peaceful.

Breaking the Yearlings - @evilbunnyking

That first night Adam invited him to his own rooms Tobias had entered slowly, cautiously, running his fingers over the fireplace mantle and then the carvings of the bedposts, and all that Adam had wanted was for him to touch him, instead.

This one kind of feels like cheating, since it was also on last year’s list, but Tobi and Adam have my entire heart. Bunny weaves Adam’s (and also Tobi’s) past and the present together beautifully and the writing is gorgeous, always. My favourite part was when Adam finally met present-day Tobi, which was as impactful as might be expected!

inside this place (i call our home) - @thelionheartedo3

Adam’s arms are still crossed over his chest, but he doesn’t tell Ely no. Mango stretches a paw out towards him, mewling, and Nate hides his smile with a hand over his mouth as he watches the stern mask melt off of Adam, shoulders dropping from their hunch.

Fluff!! This was pure and adorable fluff in the form of an orange kitten. I fell in love with Mango at first sight while reading this fic, haha! It’s so much fun to see UB reacting to having a kitten around the warehouse. I was looking forward to rereading this one a lot and it was still every bit as heartwarming as I remembered.

Finally, a very lovely person suggested that I should also celebrate myself, something I don’t find easy to do. Thank you, sweet friend, for your message and for giving me this nudge <3 Here is a snippet I wrote on a whim, but that has by now become part of my HC for Yael and Nate, in which that one conversation at the end of b3 ends with them breaking up. I hope to some day continue this storyline and give them the happy ending they deserve.