#they get into the weirdest places if left unsupervised

[quicklyshinycollectorfan]

“Regulus is a lion” “Regulus is a black cat”

You are all wrong, terribly wrong

Regulus is a hamster

[ckret2]

Chapter 28 of human Bill is determined to wiggle out of being the Mystery Shack's prisoner, featuring:

Bill eagerly accepts an invitation to Gravity Falls' LGBTQ club. He is not allowed to go unsupervised. Stan (whose masculinity isn't secure enough for this), Ford (who's still hanging out in the closet), and Soos (who's engaged) aren't quite sure what to do. Luckily, Wendy's been looking for an excuse to go.

####

Melody rushed up to the cash register and said breathlessly, "Hey Wendy—I know it's almost your break, but could you stay on register just a little longer? Two of the baby dragons escaped and Soos and I have to find them before the next tour."

Wendy looked at the customers milling about the gift shop. They'd all just gotten out of a tour and were looking over the available souvenirs, which meant in just a few minutes they'd all be lining up to check out. "Ooh, I dunno. I'm pretty hungry..."

"Please, Wendy? You can take an extended lunch!"

Was that worth handling one extra post-tour rush? "Wiiith p—?"

"With pay, you extortionist." There was no real resentment in Melody's voice. She'd worked register duty. She understood.

"Okay, deal."

"Wendy you're a lifesaver." Melody hurried to the curtains to the Mystery Shack museum.

"Hey," Wendy called, "which ones escaped?"

"Orochi and Ryuu."

"Aww, not Oro. That sweet guy will get eaten alive in the real world."

"Right?" Melody turned on her phone flashlight and returned to the hunt.

A deeply tanned tourist with sun-damaged wrinkles approached the cash register. She wasn't holding any souvenirs. Wendy said, "Hey, how can I help you?"

She looked straight in Wendy's eyes and said, "The sun sets a deep blood red."

Wendy stared at her. Why did this place attract the weirdest customers. "What?"

Very clearly, the tourist repeated, "The sun sets a deep blood red."

"Um. If that's some kind of reference, I don't get it."

The tourist let out that sharp little nose-sigh soccer moms made when Wendy did things like refuse to take a coupon meant for a rival tourist trap, shook her head in disappointment, and left.

Wendy got the feeling she was going to regret staying on register.

Sure enough, within five minutes, the line started forming—and on top of that, Wendy discovered, the cash register drawer had jammed shut, preventing her from making change for the customers paying in cash. She was in the middle of explaining to the fourth increasingly irate child-toting customer that he either had to pay by card or in exact change, when two more customers came in the door and made a beeline for the register.

"Wendy Corduroy?"

"Hey," Wendy said tersely, stuffing a customer's t-shirts in a bag. "There's a line."

"We're not shopping, Miss Corduroy."

Wendy turned to face Sheriff Blubs, with Deputy Durland standing close behind him. The scratch cards. Her fake ID. She was going to jail. Dad was gonna find out about her tattoo. "Oh."

Durland said, "Could we ask you some questions?"

"Uhh..." She looked at the cops, and then at the growing line of customers. "Can I... grab someone to cover?"

####

Bill had been sitting at the kitchen table looking at the doorway, waiting for Wendy to appear for several minutes, when he heard her muttering, "Shoot, shoot, shoot..." from the living room. Here she came.

"Hey, Cool Girl. What's the hurry?"

"Goldie!" Wendy turned toward the kitchen. "Have you seen Dipper or Mabel? The cops wanna talk to me—"

Bill's eyebrows shot up.

"—and the register is insane and I need someone to cover—"

"They're both out today," Bill said. Mabel was over at Pacifica's alpaca ranch to help out for the day—but Bill had the sinking suspicion she'd asked to go help so she could avoid him. No clue where the other one had gone. "Sorry!"

Wendy groaned. Then looked at Bill. "Hey. Have you ever manned a cash register before?"

"Yes," Bill lied.

####

"Thank you so much," Wendy said, holding open the "Employees Only" door for someone Blubs and Durland didn't recognize: a woman with no makeup, no bra, and unshaven legs, wearing an eyepatch, a hideous Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and yellow foam clogs. Durland looked her up and down, elbowed Blubs, and muttered, "Hey Daryl. D'you think...?"

"Mm." He shrugged noncommittally.

The stranger took Wendy's place behind the register with an eager grin and called out, "Okay, let's keep the line moving!"

Wendy approached Blubs and Durland. "Thanks for that," she said. "So... what can I help you with?"

"Just a few questions about your weekend," Blubs said. "Where were you last Sunday?"

Wendy blinked in surprise. "On... Sunday?" She paused a moment, lips pursed as she thought back to the weekend. "I visited Shop Thrifty with some friends."

Blubs nodded, like this confirmed what he already knew. "And what were you doing there?"

"Shopping? I got some gift money I wanted to spend on cheap junk."

"What'd you get?"

Wendy furrowed her brows, but said, "Uh... some terrible horror movies, a doll that looks like a cross between a turtle and a teddy bear, and a clock made out of a hubcap?"

"So you didn't go near the men's clothing section?"

Wendy squinted. "Nooo?"

Blubs scribbled that down in his notepad. "About what time did you leave the store?"

"I dunno, probably like three or four?"

"Did you go back to the store later?"

"No? I went home and was there all night, you can ask my family," Wendy said. "What happened at Shop Thrifty?"

"A-ha!" Durland pointed over Blubs's shoulder. "How did you know something happened at Shop Thrifty?"

"Because you're cops and you're asking questions about it."

"Oh."

Blubs patted Durland's shoulder. "Keep trying, darlin'. You're becoming a better detective by the day." Durland beamed.

To Wendy, Blubs said, "But as it happens, we're investigating a burglary." He flipped through the pages of his notepad. "I don't suppose you saw any suspicious figures while you were shopping, did you? Perhaps hanging around... the men's section?" He pulled out a crime scene photo to show Wendy.

Wendy had to stare at the photo a moment to make sense of the empty clothing rack; and then she cracked up. "Did somebody steal every pair of pants in the store?"

"Every pair of men's jeans."

"Oh, man. No, I didn't see any pants burglars hanging around—"

Durland said, "We're calling the thief the Bootcut Bootlegger."

Wendy snorted. "But uh... I guess I'll call you if I see anyone lurking in a dark alley selling jeans?"

"We'd appreciate it," Blubs said. "And, could you tell us the names of the friends you went with. So we can ask them if they saw anything too."

Wendy, who was no snitch, said, "No."

Durland shook his head sadly. "Kids these days. They don't know anything about their own friends. Not even their names."

"Nope," Wendy said. "Is that all you needed, officers?"

"I got one more question," Durland said. He leaned a bit closer to Wendy and pointed at the stranger manning the cash register. "Who's that new gal? I didn't know the shack hired somebody."

"Oh, Goldie? We didn't exactly hire anyone, he's just staying at the shack a while—"

"Ha! 'He'! I knew it!" Durland smacked Blubs's shoulder. "I told ya! Didn't I tell ya?"

"Heh. You sure did."

Durland cupped his hands around his mouth. "Whooee, you at the register!"

"Sorry, I can't make exact change, so I'll do you a favor: just round it to—"  Goldie blinked and turned toward the heckling cop. "Yello?"

"You're queerer'n a three-dollar bill, aren't you?" Durland called. Wendy cringed and quickly pulled out her phone to shield herself from the scene of public humiliation.

Totally unperturbed, Goldie replied, "I'm probably the queerest bill you've ever met! Why?"

Soos wearily trudged through the curtains from the Mystery Shack's museum. "Hey, Wendy. We found Ryuu, but we still can't find..." His gaze fell on Goldie and his voice died. "Wendy? What's he doing—"

Durland walked past the line of customers to lean on the counter in front of Goldie. "Hey, how long are you in town? You oughta come to a Rainbow Club meeting!"

"It's the local LGBTQ support and social group," Blubs explained. "We meet weekly at Town Hall. We're actually meeting this evening at seven!"

"We haven't had any new members in ages," Durland said. "Please say you'll come. We're so bored!"

The more they spoke, the more a grin spread across Goldie's face. "Gentlemen, you had me at 'rainbow.' I'd be thrilled to come! My schedule's free! I've been spending all my evenings cooped up in the shack because I don't know anybody in town." He slowly turned his grin toward Soos, who was watching in slack-jawed horror. "But hey, it's not like I'm locked up in here—right, officers?"

####

When the last customers trickled out and Wendy returned to the cash register, Goldie flashed her a quick smile. "Hey, Cool Girl." He nodded toward the Museum. "I saw Questiony tug you aside, are you in trouble?"

"Nah, not really. I guess he's just bothered I grabbed a non-employee to sub instead of getting him or Melody."

"I won't call the labor board if he doesn't." Goldie handed a wad of bills to Wendy. "Here."

"Thanks." Wendy looked around for somewhere to stow it until they could get the cash register drawer unstuck. "Hey, how'd you handle the customers paying in cash?"

"Told 'em I'd give them a discount for the inconvenience: if they were willing to round up to the nearest dollar from the sticker price, we'd eat the rest of the sales tax so they didn't have to fish for loose change. Everyone was thrilled."

Wendy processed that. "Oregon doesn't have a sales tax."

"Sure, but how many out-of-state tourists in a hurry remember that?"

"Ha! You went to work for the wrong twin, Stan would've loved having you in the shack."

"The Pines just don't appreciate what I bring to the table," Goldie lamented, swooping around the counter. He walked up to the "Employees Only" door, stopped, surveyed it like he wasn't quite sure what to do with it, and then very casually made a right turn into the curtained entryway to the museum.

A minute later, Soos escorted him back, an arm around his shoulder. "Museum's closed, dude," he said sternly. "We're looking for an escaped baby dragon."

"'Baby dragon'?" Goldie echoed. "You mean a lizard with fake wings glued on its back?"

"I mean—we're not telling the tourists that, but yeah."

He pointed toward the cash register. "Like the one stuck in the cash drawer?"

There was a pause. Wendy dropped to her knees to peer at the crack at the top of the drawer. "Oro! Can you hear me, boy? Are you in there?" She heard something rustle. "Holy—Soos!"

Soos shoved Goldie into the living room and hurried over to help.

####

"Less than five minutes," Ford muttered. "He's unsupervised in a public space for less than five minutes, and he makes contact with local law enforcement and sets up a social engagement. This is why he's not allowed out of—" He pushed up his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose, grumbling.

Ford, Stan, and Soos were seated around the living room table, discussing how to handle the situation. With the sheriff and deputy expecting Bill, they couldn't not let him go, lest the cops come by again to ask what had happened—and the odds that they'd be satisfied by an answer from anyone but "Goldie" were slim.

"This is what he's been waiting for," Ford went on. "He's been biding his time for an opportunity exactly like this."

Soos said, "I'm sorry, Dr. Pines. It happened so fast! I wanted to go all, 'No, you can't go,' but then the cops would have gone, 'Why not?' and I didn't know how to not say he's our prisoner—"

"It's not your fault, Soos," Ford sighed. "It's not even Wendy's. She doesn't know how risky it is just to let him talk to the public."

"So, what do we do now?" Stan asked.

Soos said, "Maybe make him an 'I bite tourists' shirt?"

Ford said, "I suppose... we let him go. And one of us will have to supervise him."

Stan asked, "At the gay club?"

"At the gay club."

Stan, Ford, and Soos—two of whom had grown up in a time when "gay" was one of the worst things a person could be accused of being, and one of whom came from a very Catholic family—eyed each other uncomfortably.

From the doorway, Bill called, "Can I choose? I'm trying to decide who'd be funniest."

Without looking at him, Ford snapped, "Go away, Bill."

"Fine. I'll be upstairs." They listened for Bill's footsteps to recede up the stairs.

Stan spoke first. "Not it. No way. Absolutely not. What would the ladies think!"

Wryly, Ford said, "I doubt any ladies you might meet there would have been interested anyway."

"Well, what would the guys think! What if someone flirts with me, would I have to flirt back to maintain my cover? I'm not that good an actor. It's not gonna be me." He crossed his arms in finality, then looked at Ford expectantly.

Ford hesitated, then shook his head. "Not me." Stan cocked a brow, but when Ford didn't say anything else, he just glanced at Soos.

"Uhh." Soos tapped his fingers together. "I guess I might be kinda sorta willing? I mean, I wouldn't really mind? But, the thing is, I'm engaged, to a woman, and like, Melody would understand if I explain it's just to keep an eye on Bill. But what if people think me 'coming out' right before the wedding is because I'm cheating or—or dissatisfied or something?" His eyes lit up. "Hey, maybe Melody could come too! We could pretend to be bi. It could be like a date! Would that be weird? Two straight people at the queer club on a date pretending to be bi? It—it feels weird." His eyes un-lit up. "I think that's probably weird. It seems disrespectful. Yeah, no, maybe I shouldn't do that—?"

"Are you guys talking about Rainbow Club?"

The trio started and glanced toward the door to the gift shop, where Wendy was leaning in.

Soos said, "Yeeeah, haha, it's kinda awkward, but, Goldie wants to go, but he can't go by himself... so somebody's gotta take him... it's this whole thing..."

"Oh? How come? It's not that far a walk if you cut past the old church."

"Uhh..." Soos looked at Stan and Ford for help.

After enjoying exactly three seconds of awkward silence, Bill called from the doorway, "I'm under a curse that makes it impossible to open doors!"

"Wow dude, sucks for you!"

"Haha, I know right!"

Ford stood, slammed a hand on the table, and pointed at the doorway. "OUT!"

Bill raised his hands, rolled his eye, and left.

"So, hey," Wendy said. "Rainbow Club's for 16-year-olds and up, and I've... kinda been trying to work up the nerve to go for a while, actually. Just to, you know, explore... options?" She shrugged, grimacing self-consciously. "Maybe this is my excuse. So, if you need someone to open doors for Goldie, I could go?"

Stan, Ford, and Soos looked at Wendy with the blank surprise of two men raised in the sixties and one man raised Catholic who sometimes forgot that the categories of "queer people" and "people they knew" might overlap. Then Ford said, "You're not walking there with him."

"I can drive you," Soos said. "I'll just wait outside in the pickup. It's cool, I've got a lot of comics to catch up on."

"I don't know if it's safe letting him walk openly from the truck into Town Hall," Stan said. "Wendy, how do you feel about being handcuffed to him?"

Wendy stared at him. "What."

"That's not necessary," Ford said. "We can use the chain bracelets."

Wendy stared at him. "The what."

"Listen. Kid." Stan stood and put a hand on Wendy's shoulder. "I know we gave you the abridged version of Goldie's history, but lemme make this clear: this freak's on house arrest, and if you're going out with him, you're his ankle bracelet. Do not let him out of your sight. Don't even leave him alone in the restroom if there's a window big enough for him to squeeze through."

"I think his curse covers windows," Soos pointed out. Ford nodded.

"I don't wanna risk it."

"It's okay," Wendy said. "Treat him like a dangerous criminal. Got it. I've got crazy lumberjack ninja training, I can handle him."

Stan eyed her appraisingly, then nodded. "You're all right, kid." He clapped her shoulder and let go. "And if you're into girls, that's fine by me."

"Um," Wendy said. "Thanks? I'm actually not sure if... Thanks, Stan."

"All right. We've got a plan." He waved off Soos and Wendy. "Go have fun with the gays."

####

Wendy sat in the back seat of Soos's truck, staring at her phone, trying to figure out what excuse to give her dad for staying out late. She didn't think he'd mind her going to Rainbow Club—but it wasn't a conversation she was ready to have. Finally, she texted him that she was hanging out tonight with the Mystery Shack crew—which wasn't technically totally wrong—and put her phone away.

Goldie stared out the shotgun seat window as they drove past the sombrero-shaped Los Hermanos Brothers restaurant. "Hey. Can we get nachos?"

"You'll be late to your meeting, dude."

"Can we get nachos after the meeting?"

Wendy piped up, "I'd be cool with a taco run." Easier to tell her dad she'd been having dinner at the shack.

Soos considered that. "I don't see why not." He shrugged. "Gotta get them to-go, though."

"Yeah, fine," Goldie said, a tad irritably. He slouched down, kicking his feet up on the dashboard and crossing his ankles. "I'm not plotting anything nefarious in the restaurant, I just want nachos."

"Then sure, that's cool," Soos said. "Hey. Isn't it kinda... weird for you to eat nachos?"

Goldie turned to face Soos. "Weird how?"

"I mean. You know. Considering you're..."

"Considering I'm what?" Goldie grinned. "What about me would make it weird for me to eat triangular corn chips covered in yellow cheese? C'mon, Questiony. I wanna understand."

Soos glanced toward Wendy in the back seat, and then away. "Never mind," he mumbled. Goldie laughed.

Wendy wondered what on earth Goldie could possibly be that would make it weird for him to get nachos. After a moment of deliberation, she concluded the answer was probably "lactose intolerant." She cleared her throat. "Hey, thanks for giving us a ride, Soos." Even if it probably would've been faster to walk.

"Oh yeah, no problem dude," Soos said. "Hey—aren't you sixteen now? Are you gonna get your own car sometime soon? I don't mind��giving you a ride. I'm just curious. Making conversation."

Wendy groaned. "No. I haven't got my license yet, and I don't want to. As soon as I can drive, I'll be useful. Dad's gonna ask me to drive the boys around, and I'll be the friend that gives everyone else rides, right? And being a taxi sounds like crap." She paused, remembering where she was sitting. "No offense, Soos."

"None taken."

"But it's starting to stress me out. My dad keeps asking when I wanna start driver's ed. And I've started having stress nightmares about needing a car in an emergency and not having one? And then Gideon's dad swoops into the dream to offer a Reasonably-Priced Discount Used Car?"

Soos laughed. "Oh man, like all those commercials he's been running on the local stations? 'There's no need to barter—'"

Goldie and Wendy both completed the line, "'—you can drive for a quarter.'"

Wendy groaned louder. "All those annoying Gleeful Auto jingles are seeping into my dreams. How does that even make sense! I don't understand the economy, how do you sell a car for a twenty-five cent down payment and make a profit off of it? What if the customer just doesn't pay the rest?"

Thoughtfully, Soos said, "I think it has to do with interest."

"Well, I'm not interested. Especially when I'm asleep."

"I think Mabel's got a pile of books on controlling your dreams right now," Goldie said. "You could ask her about them."

"Do any of those books teach you how to install dream ad block?"

Goldie laughed. "It can't hurt to check!"

####

"Easy, there," Stan said, watching from his armchair with a can of cider as Ford paced in the entryway, back and forth past the living room. "You're gonna wear a hole in the floorboards."

Ford did not stop pacing. "I should have gone with them," he said. "What does it matter that I didn't want to. Somebody who understands what Bill really is should be in that meeting with him."

"Come on. As long as he doesn't get an opportunity to escape, how much trouble can he really get in? What do you think he's gonna do, kill the sheriff with a folding chair?"

"I'm more worried about his opportunities to network. I don't want him making friends on the outside. That's more people he can manipulate."

"Okay, sure. But how could you stop it if you were there? What would you do, scold him every time he acts nice to somebody?"

A sigh. "I suppose you're right. I just... don't like not knowing what he's doing there."

Stan took a sip from his cider; swirled it a moment; and then cleared his throat. "Hey, Ford, uhh. You know what? Crazy thing, but—I was surprised you didn't volunteer to go to the gay thing? I mean..." He unnecessarily cleared his throat again. "Ever since high school, I always kinda thought you... I mean, I assumed... not in a bad way, mind, but I just sort of figured... Well, I must've assumed wrong. So. Sorry, I guess."

Ford had stopped pacing to look at Stan. He waited for him to finish stumbling through ellipses; and then, hands stuffed in his coat pockets, he said to his feet, "You didn't assume wrong."

Stan waited. "Uh-huh?" he said encouragingly.

Ford shuffled into the living room and took the chair next to Stan. "Truthfully... I can't tell you exactly what I am. When I should have been figuring that out, I was busy writing dissertations and hiding in the woods. Exploring scientific oddities instead of—well—exploring myself. And then thirty years away from Earth, and now that I've only been back among humans for a year... well—I've never figured myself out." He shrugged ruefully. "I can tell you more about eye-bats and gnomes than I could about my own... inclinations. But whatever I am, it's not heterosexual, I know that."

"Huh." Stan nodded slowly, trying to wrap his head around the idea that you could just not know. He could maybe imagine a girl not knowing—the inner workings of a woman's body were still pretty mysterious to him—but in his experience most guys had a compass between their legs that was magnetically attracted to point toward what they desired, whether they wanted it to or not. What was going on with Ford?

Looking firmly at the wall, Ford added, "For one thing, I think there's been too many aliens for me to be straight."

Stan snorted. "Aliens."

"Aliens."

"Well okay, Captain Cork—"

"Stanley, please." A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Leave it to my brother to even find a way to be queer in a weird way." Stan grinned crookedly. "You know—when we were getting close to graduating, whenever we talked about treasure hunting and getting babes, somewhere in the back of my head, I was making peace with the fact that maybe you'd find a sailor instead. I was fine with it! I just wasn't expecting you to go for the kraken."

"Stan!" Ford laughed in surprise.

"What! Not your type? What does it for you, Dracula? The wolf man? Mothgar?

"I am not telling you what does it for me."

"Okay, okay, fine." Stan probably didn't wanna know, anyway. Aliens. Yeesh. But who was he to judge, he'd gone on a date with a spider lady. "Is that why you don't wanna go to that club meeting? You don't want to talk about the aliens?"

"Not exactly," Ford said. "Attending a support group for queer people would mean opening up about a private, unexplored... scary part of my own identity. With Bill in the room. Maybe I should go to some of those meetings—but not when he's there." His smile from a moment earlier was gone; his mouth was set in a grim line. "When I thought he was my friend, I—offered him far too much vulnerability that I shouldn't have. I'm not letting him have any more."

And a couple minutes ago, Ford had been beating himself up for not putting himself in that position just to keep an eye on Bill. Stan said, "And he's not gonna get more vulnerability outta you. You don't have to tell that freak anything." Rummaging through his brain for the most supportive brotherly words he could find, Stan added, "But—I'm glad you told me."

Ford nodded. "So am I."

####

When Wendy and Goldie walked into Town Hall's main assembly room, Blubs and Durland were standing at the front chatting. Durland immediately waved. "Hey! You made it! You too, Wendy?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, thought I'd check it out."

"The more, the merrier," Blubs said. He gestured for them to follow him to a door at the front of the room, to the left of the podium. "A larger group uses the meeting room, so we meet in the mayor's office."

The door to the mayor's office was clearly marked by the folding table with snacks across the hallway and a stand next to the door holding multiple flags—American, Oregonian, rainbow, trans, and "Take Back the Falls" battle flag. Wendy paused to puzzle over the eleven varieties of bread on the snack table; when she glanced at Goldie, he'd gingerly plucked up the battle flag by a corner to inspect it. There was supposed to be a ban on acknowledging Weirdmageddon, but Wendy supposed the mayor could get away with showing a little pride in his citizens' resistance movement. "Were you still in the shack during... all that?"

"Hm?"

"The big fight." Wendy lowered her voice, just in case the sheriff felt like enforcing the ban. "That's the flag we flew when we kicked the crap out of Bill's stupid pyramid butt."

"Oh. No. I was locked out of the shack," he said flatly. "Must have missed that." He let the flag drop. "I only remember the part where he kicked the shack halfway across the valley with its own leg."

Tyler Cutebiker waved from inside the office. "Wendy, hi! And a new person! Come in, come in! You're just in time. How's your dad?"

Wendy had been expecting that. "He's good, he's good. Y'know, busy."

"Uh-huh?"

"He's been swamped with work since he got the contract for the deathball arena. He's broken like eight axes, so, I think he's really happy."

"Oh, great!" Tyler beamed. "When we were deciding who to give the contract to supply lumber for the new facility, I thought, 'I know just the man to get it!' I'm so glad we could support our local lumber industry." He hesitated. "By the way, do you know if he ever... thinks about coming to a meeting? I've invited him a couple of times, maybe if you brought it up..."

"Listen. Tyler," Wendy said. "You're cool, but if my dad ever shows up at Rainbow Club, I'm never coming again."

"Okay, all right, that's fine, just thought I'd ask."

The mayor's desk had been pushed up against the office windows, and several folding chairs were set up in a tight circle that pressed to the walls. A couple extra chairs were quickly put out for Wendy and Goldie, and Goldie immediately claimed the seat on the mayor's right. All in all, there were less than a dozen attendees, and Wendy guessed she was the youngest one there by at least five years. One empty chair was left open hopefully by the door.

Once everyone was seated, Tyler said, "Okay, it looks like we've got a couple of new folks here today, so let's all go around the circle and introduce ourselves. Please share your names, your pronouns, and anything you want us to know about how you fit under our rainbow umbrella. There's no pressure, just whatever you feel comfortable with, this is a safe and supportive place for everybody. I'll go first: hi, I'm Tyler, and I use he/him pronouns!" He turned expectantly to his left.

Blubs said, "Hi, I'm Daryl, uhhh he/him, and I..." he turned to stare in Durland's eyes, "am in love."

Durland quickly said, "Hi, I'm Edwin, I'm a boy, and I'm in love too!" They grabbed each other's hands, giggling.

"Aww," Tyler cooed, "aren't you two sweet." He nodded toward the next chair.

"Hello. My name is Tad Strange, my pronouns are he/him, and I'm a cisgender heterosexual ally."

Seriously, Tyler said, "And we appreciate your support, Tad. And the snacks you bring every week."

Introductions continued around the circle. Wendy sorta knew a couple other faces, but didn't know anyone personally. The only other girls in the room were an intimidatingly beautiful woman whose gaze seemed to pass right over the awkward teen with unstyled hair and baggy flannel, and two little old ladies in a throuple with a little old man. 

The introduction spotlight finally landed on her. "Hey guys. I'm Wendy, she/her, and I'm, uh... questioning, I guess? Sorta?" She shrugged casually. "Yeah. Questioning."

Tyler said, "Since this is your first time—we keep things pretty casual, here, but I want to make sure this group supports everyone's needs. Do you think you could tell us a bit about what you're looking for in our little club?"

Wendy could feel every eye in the room boring into her. She fought the urge to shrink into her seat. You're sixteen. You're the cool girl. Act cool, girl. "Oh, nothing specific I guess. I'm just... exploring my options, you know. Exploring myself. Doing the self-discovery journey or whatever. So... I dunno what I'm looking for? I figure I'll know it when I find it."

Tyler nodded. "We've all been there," he said. "And I know I speak for us all when I say we're honored to be part of your journey."

And then, to Wendy's mortification, Tyler started clapping, and the rest of the group joined in. She smiled stiffly, feeling her youth even more intensely. What the heck, Tyler, you were supposed to be the cool adult. Wendy trusted you. Politics changed you.

To Wendy's gratitude, Goldie cut the awkward moment short by piping up before the last of the applause petered out. "Hiya! I'm 'Goldie,'" he put air quotes around his own name, "I've never cared what pronouns you people call me before and I'm not about to start now, and I do not have the patience for all the paperwork to figure out my sexuality so we'll just wonder together!"

Tyler laughed. "Oh, you're funny!" A couple other attendees chuckled.

"I'm just getting started!" Goldie blinked his unpatched eye. "Wink. Anyway, I'm here to meet new people and have some fun!" He turned an intense smile on Tyler. "So tell me, mayor—where do the people in your fine town go to party?"

####

By the end of the meeting, Goldie had collected six phone numbers—"I'd give you mine, but I'm between phones right now, long story"—and four loose commitments to do something somewhere sometime soonish. Wendy was simultaneously relieved to have some of the pressure taken off of her as the new person, slightly miffed that she hadn't gotten to know anybody, and resigned to the fact that as the only high schooler in the room they probably wouldn't have had much to say to her anyway.

As the club members milled around the snack table having bread, Goldie elbowed Wendy and muttered, "I can't believe they clapped for you but not for me. Is looking for a good time not a noble enough quest?"

"Pfft. Dude, are you jealous?"

"Insanely."

Thirty years in the ghost dimension must do weird things to someone's need for attention. "When I introduce you to my friends, I'll tell them all to clap for you."

"I appreciate it."

The club loosely migrated through the assembly hall and toward the front double door. Durland reached it first, opened it, and quickly closed it. Agitated, he said, "Daryl! They're out there again."

"Oh, no! Again?"

The group came to a stop. Tyler took over, cracked open the door, and tutted his tongue. Goldie curiously peered over his shoulder, and Wendy took that as permission to look too.

Standing on the sidewalk in front of Town Hall were a dozen tough-looking men dressed in leather, heavy denim, and sharp metal accessories. They filled the sidewalk, arms crossed or fists on hips, glowering toward the doors. Tyler muttered, "Oh, every time we have a meeting. I wish they'd knock this off."

"Who're they?" Wendy asked. "Homophobes?"

"Oh! No no, nothing like that," Tyler said. "That's the weekly ex-convict rehabilitation support group—they use the bigger meeting room. They're actually a very open-minded bunch."

"That's right," shouted the tallest of the group, a muscular bearded man. He pointed at a leather pride patch pinned to his vest over his heart. "Love is love! We support queer rights, trans rights, uh... women's rights? What else."

"Immigrant rights?" a man with a gray ponytail suggested.

"Immigrant rights, that's a good one. And... any other rights, too! Except pig rights."

Another man shouted, "No cops at pride!"

The Rainbow Club turned to look at Blubs and Durland.

They heaved sighs. Durland said, "We'll go out the back."

The group out front visibly relaxed when the Rainbow Club came out without the sheriff and deputy. The bearded leatherman focused on Tyler as he passed. "Ty."

Tyler started. "Oh! Hiii, Ghost." His cheeks went bright red. "W-we missed you at Rainbow Club this week, again. Any thoughts about coming across the hall from time to time?"

"Those cops still showing up?"

"Well, yes."

The leatherman—who Wendy recognized now as Ghost-Eyes—shook his head. "Pass. But we can catch up next time you're at Skull Fracture."

"Oh—okay, sure. I'll see you there sometime."

"I'll buy you a drink," Ghost-Eyes said. "I like your new boots, by the way."

Tyler went red from his hairline down to his shirt collar. "I—well—you too, Ghost!" He quickly trotted off, giggling to himself. Wendy watched him go, then glanced over Ghost-Eyes—tall, broad-shouldered, auburn-haired, bushy-bearded, and as muscular as a bull on steroids—and noted wryly that Tyler had a type.

A high voice from approximately ankle height said, "Oh, hi Wendy!"

She looked down. "Gideon," she said. "Wow! ... Hi."

"Imagine running into you here! I feel like it's been forever! How're your folks doing?"

"Oh, great, great. Uh, yours?"

"We're all fantastic, thanks for askin'. I haven't seen you 'round here before, this your first time attending?"

Ah, great. Of all the people to find out Wendy was trying to sort out her identity. "Yep. Just checking it out. How's... the ex-con support group?"

"Oh it's just wonderful! Highlight of my week, honestly. It's good to talk to people who have gone through the same struggles as you."

"Aww," Ghost-Eyes said. "You're the highlight of our week too, Li'l Gideon."

Gideon started. "Oh, where are my manners! Blathering on like this. Wendy, you remember my friends, right?" He gestured around him.

"Yeah—the Discount Auto Mart Warriors, right? You guys are still hanging out?"

Ghost-Eyes said, "Of course! We have a brotherhood forged in the fires of battle against a chaos god's tyranny. Also, the court requires us to do group therapy, so it's easy to hang out."

Gideon said, "And I'm sure all of you remember Wendy."

The Warriors nodded in recognition. Ghost-Eyes said, "Weren't you the one driving through the weirdness bubbles last year? To get that kid to his sister?"

Wendy looked up at Ghost-Eyes. "Yep. That was me. No hard feelings for the whole trying-to-break-your-arm thing, right?"

"Of course not! You were fighting the man. At that time, we were the man."

Gideon said, "Really a terrible error in judgment on my part, I can't apologize enough."

"Aw, come on," Ghost-Eyes said, "it wasn't all your fault. We were all out there, too."

"No no, I take full responsibility." Gideon reached up to pat Ghost-Eyes's knuckle. "You all trusted me to steer you true and I let you down."

Wendy felt a slight tug on her wrist—and only then realized that Goldie had been a little too quiet, a little too long. She looked in the direction her magic bracelet was tugging, and spotted him waiting just up the street, leaning against Soos's truck, hands pressed to the small of his back.

"It was cool to run into you guys again," Wendy lied, "but I've got friends waiting for me, so..."

"Oh, of course, of course," Gideon said. "Are you working at the Mystery Shack again this summer? Tell Mabel I said hello!"

Wendy flashed Gideon double finger guns. "I will not do that." She power-walked away from Gideon's fan club.

As she caught up with Goldie, she said, "Hey. Sorry for making you wait." She squinted. "You okay?"

Face tinted a deep angry red and wearing the most sour expression Wendy had ever seen, Goldie said, "Sure. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"You don't look okay."

"I don't control what my face does." At Wendy's skeptical look, Goldie pointed toward the Discount Auto Mart Warriors. "I was—thinking over something ridiculous they said. About fighting a chaos god's tyranny."

"Oh, they helped fight Bill—"

"I know that," Goldie cut in. "It just seems... weird to call it that!"

Recovering cultist, Wendy reminded herself. "What would you call it?"

Goldie considered the question. "Fighting a chaos god's anarchy."

She'd been half worried that Goldie was about to start defending Bill. Instead, Wendy tried to puzzle out the specific differences between tyranny and anarchy, and why it mattered to him. "Huh."

"No rules, no laws, freedom from time and physics..."

That was starting to make sense. "I don't know what Weirdmageddon felt like in the mindscape, buuut everyone I knew was still experiencing a lot of physics. When we weren't being turned into statues or imprisoned in tapestries," Wendy said. "Maybe Bill and his minions had no rules and no laws; but when only the guys in charge can do whatever they want, and everyone else is either serving them or, like, getting hunted for sport? I'd call that tyranny."

Goldie's sour look deepened, but there was something thoughtful in his averted gaze now. Like he was searching for a retort he couldn't quite find. "Huh."

Soos rolled down the passenger window. "Hey, are you dudes ready for nachos?"

####

The gossip grapevine moved faster than Soos's truck. By the time he'd dropped off Wendy and brought himself and Bill home, Wendy had texted a quick summary of "Goldie's" anarchy comment to Mabel, who passed it on to Dipper, in case this was a red flag they needed to keep an eye on; and Dipper in turn had passed the info on to Ford.

Ford wondered if Bill really didn't believe he was a tyrant, or if he just didn't want to be seen as one.

When Soos and Bill came in, the first thing Bill did was snatch his hoodie off the coat rack and pull it on, like a snake that regretted shedding its skin and was desperate to slither back inside. Cheerfully, Soos said, "Hey, Dr. Pines!"

"Hello, Soos. Everything went well?"

"Yeah, no problem! We got nachos on the way back, hope that's okay. I left Bill in the truck. Without the keys."

"I almost died of heat stroke," Bill said.

Already headed toward bed, Soos said, "Don't lie, dude. I cracked a window for you."

"Okay, okay. I was fine."

Bill drifted into the kitchen to finish his nachos. Ford drifted after him, leaning in the doorway. Bill had pulled his hood up. He typically only did that when he was in a foul mood, but he'd seemed to be in high enough spirits as he bantered with Soos. Maybe he felt exposed after going into town without his "body" on. (Three decades ago, during the weeks when Ford had been wrestling with Bill for control over his sleep-deprived body, Bill had hidden a vicious little note in Ford's third journal where he mentioned taking off his "exoskeleton" to feed. Ford wondered if Bill saw this hoodie as a substitute exoskeleton.)

"Well?" Ford said. "How was it?"

Bill turned. The false eye on the hood stared blankly through Ford. "Excuse me?" Bill laughed. "Are we on friendly conversation terms now? You want to hear about my day? Or are you just hoping I'll slip up and confess something interesting."

If Bill didn't already know the answer, he wouldn't have bothered asking. "You can't blame me for trying." Wendy hadn't shared much. Ford hoped that if Bill didn't know what the humans had been saying behind his back, he might give away more about what he'd done at Rainbow Club. Talk of tyranny and anarchy was worrying.

Ford could feel the corners of his mouth turning down as Bill's half-seen smile widened. Bill said, "I thought you said you weren't playing games with me anymore." He turned to sit on his chair backwards, legs straddling the seat. "Okay, Stanford! I had a great time! The regulars welcomed the Cool Girl and me with open arms! Fresh air, unfiltered sunshine, an hour of conversation with a roomful of people who don't detest me, a snack table with eleven kinds of bread—"

Ford's grim determination veered sideways off the road. "Wait," he said. "Eleven breads?"

"Yes?"

"Why were— What else did they have? Condiments? Sandwich materials?"

"Forks, napkins, and water bottles. That's it."

"Forks?" Ford echoed. "Forks?"

"Forks."

"Why did they have eleven breads and forks?"

Bill threw up his hands in an exaggerated shrug. "So it's not just me! I looked at that table and thought, 'This seems lopsided,' but who am I, I don't know everything about humans! One grain product or another is just about the most stereotypically human food I can think of, so—"

"No, it wasn't just you, that's—I can confirm that's weird. Why did they do that?"

"I don't know!" Bill laughed. "I don't know, no one else questioned it so I didn't say anything! I wasn't about to out myself as the alien in the room! I just grabbed a Hawaiian roll and made small talk!"

Baffled, Ford ventured, "Maybe it's a... a gay culture thing I haven't heard about?"

"It's not one I've heard of," Bill said, with a tone that suggested if it was a gay thing, he ought to have heard of it. "Hey, the club's token straight guy is in charge of bringing snacks. Maybe he thinks it's a gay culture thing."

"Maybe." It was a somewhat reassuring thought, that perhaps the bizarre spread was somebody's misguided idea of support.

"Glad that mystery's solved," Bill said, as though to him a theory was as good as an explanation. "Oh, speaking of mysteries—thought you'd find this interesting—the mayor's desk is still haunted by bears." He said it as casually as though he were picking up a conversation from a week ago, not thirty-three years ago.

That wasn't a mystery Ford had ever thought he'd get any follow-up on. "Really? Still?" Ford instinctively tugged his journal out of his inner coat pocket and searched for a blank page. "How many?"

"Just two that I saw. I don't know that the third one wasn't roaming the halls, though. I'm not quite the spy I used to be!" He gestured down at his regrettably human body.

Ford waved off the not-exactly-an-apology. "Of course. The limitations of human sight and flesh. Which ones did you see?"

"One male, one female. The smaller female."

"I find it hard to believe the mother moved on without her children. She's probably around Town Hall somewhere."

"If I see her next week, I'll let you know."

"I'd appreciate that." He started taking notes. "Why would they still be there? I would have thought after the last election..."

"I know, so did I." Bill stood and crossed the room with his nacho tray to peer over Ford's shoulder as he lightly sketched out a desk and a couple of black bears lying atop and in front of it. (Ford hadn't seen the mayor's office in over thirty years, but he'd rough out the shape now and fill in the details once he got a look at the desk again, that was how he always did it. Bill had invisibly watched him fill countless journal pages like this.) "The desk was wider. Nacho?"

"Thanks." Ford absentmindedly took a nacho between his pinkie and sixth finger without putting his pen down, and corrected his sketch at he chewed.

"I've got two theories," Bill said. "One: the bears weren't haunting the desk because ol' Huckabone was using it, but because of something he put in it. A cursed talisman or something!"

"Mm. Mayor Befufftlefumpter didn't tend to mess with forces like that."

"Maybe he didn't know it was cursed. Most people can't see the bears. No one else at Rainbow Club acknowledged them."

"And if there is a talisman of some sort, why don't you already know about it?"

"Just because I can see everything doesn't mean I pay attention to everything," Bill said. "I'll snoop for one if you want! Anyway, theory two: they were here for Huckabone, but they don't know he's passed on, and they'll hang around either until they're reunited with his spirit or somebody dispels them. But I don't like that theory as much," he said thoughtfully, "it's not as satisfying. I prefer the intrigue of a good cursed talisman. Don't you?"

"I doubt that whether it's satisfying is relevant to whether it's likely..." Ford glanced toward Bill and almost jumped out of his skin when a wide white eye stared back at him. That stupid hood again. When had Bill gotten inches from Ford's shoulder? His skin crawled retroactively. "What are you doing?"

"Helping?" Bill ate another nacho and offered the paper tray to Ford again.

Ford stared at Bill, stared at his page full of bear ghost notes, then snapped his journal shut and shoved it in his coat pocket. He was an idiot. Ford stalked off toward the guest room. Remember who you're talking to. There might not have been any bears at all. There might not even have been bread.

Bill called after him, "Maybe you should come next week. I think you'd fit right in."

Ice ran through Ford's veins. What did he mean by that? It took a force of will to keep walking to the guest room rather than turn around and confront Bill again.

He shut the door, closed his eyes, and reminded himself: how Bill's eye had glowed stoplight red when he'd threatened to torture Ford's gniece and gnephew; how Bill had shrieked with laughter when he'd invaded Ford's brother's mind.

Ford had been distracted by talk of ghosts and talismans and, and—and bread. (Bread? Really?) Mysterious and mystical talk made it easy to leave those dark memories sleeping undisturbed.

And that scared Ford. Because he thought, for a normal person, it shouldn't have been possible to forget those things, much less easy.

You'd fit right in with my freaks.

He opened his journal, scratched out half his notes about the bear ghosts, and spent half a page untangling how Bill had lured him into a conversation...

And finally concluded that Bill hadn't done much luring at all. He'd just... talked.

He finished with a "DON'T TRUST HIM!!" and underlined it twice.

####

Well. If Bill and Ford were playing verbal games now, Bill had easily won that one.

He'd peppered in twice that he planned to attend Rainbow Club again next week, and Ford hadn't protested. Ford had even said he'd appreciate it. All that, and Bill hadn't had to reveal that he was busily making friends with the local mayor, sheriff, and deputy, or that he now knew where to find his own wayward one-time "sheriff."

All the same. As much as he appreciated getting a win, he wouldn't have minded going 2 out of 3. Bill had done most of the talking. (One of his most endearing flaws, he thought.) He kinda wondered what Ford thought about the bears haunting the desk. Ford had a tendency to overthink everything in such interesting ways.

Patience. This was the longest conversation he'd had with Ford in decades that hadn't consisted of pure, grim business. He was making progress. Maybe next week he could bring home a haunted bear talisman, see where that got him.

He wondered what Ford had thought of his birthday gift.

####

(Thanks for reading! This is probably the longest chapter we've had so far, but I didn't want to cut off before they even got to the club. If you enjoyed, I'd appreciate hearing what y'all think!)

[crimsonscloud]

some misc android!bagley headcanons feat. a few of my operatives because @inkrabbit posted theirs (which you can read here) and talking to them reminded me how much i miss this sassy ai.

spoilers below if you haven't completed the finding bagley mission / don't know bagley's backstory.

lanky build but like, deceptively strong? kinda in the middle height wise, not short but not super tall either

has dirty blond hair. initially it would have been brown like bradley's but he changed it because he didn't want to look the same

eyes are a very bright (glowing) blue and get subtly brighter or dimmer depending on his emotional state. he could make them normal but he doesn't care, he gets to have cryptid eyes if he wants to.

accidental jumpscares ensue if he's sitting in the dark

typically wears black / white / shades of blue, but occasionally will wear other colors.

he blushes blue instead of red :)

courtney: "don't touch anything." bagley, once she leaves: "i'm going to touch everything."

some abilities, like his emp generation, now leave him physically drained for a while if he uses them too much. he complains about it because of course he does

finds out about the above during a mission when the operative he's with is in trouble. after the bombings and the discovery of who zero day was his protective instinct has gone way up, so when he sees this he just sees red. sure he annoys the hell out of them sometimes but those are his operatives.

kind of a general hc but he can mimic other people's voices (if he doesn't already know what they sound like, he has to listen to a recording of them to analyze their vocal patterns; think like connor from d.etroit b.ecome h.uman). he has used it to prank people before.

hyperactive as fuck. develops a like for fidget toys because he can never sit entirely still and he likes having something for his hands to do / getting used to tactile sensations

also likes to sit in the weirdest places and positions. he's gay and neurodivergent of course he doesn't sit properly/j

one time tiffany finds him chilling on the couch in the safehouse... upside down, with his legs over the back of the couch.

loves to study what things are made of, will take things apart and put them back together if left unsupervised. has a desk in the safehouse where the operatives will sometimes give him things to fix or use for parts

his love language is acts of service so he enjoys fixing their old stuff, even if he (affectionately) bullies them while doing it

evgenii will buy him new tools every so often

besides strawberries he also likes peaches. has a weakness for anything sweet really

one time someone buys him this stupid shirt with a strawberry pattern all over it because he likes them so much. jokes on them he'll actually wear the shirt to spite them (and because he likes it)

doesn't react to spice the same way humans do so he also likes spicy foods, he and kevin regularly try to outdo each other on the spiciest thing they can eat with a straight face. bagley always wins ofc but it doesn't stop kevin from trying

somebody (probably wrench) makes a spider sense joke with bagley because his senses are better than a human's

has a really strong sixth sense for anything electronic, can hear / feel / see electronic signals. realizing he can still perceive that through his new physical senses is a trip for him since they now have sounds and colors, which he couldn't pick up on before

he and mina can communicate more directly through her optik-telepathy, to the point he can also sense her thoughts and accidentally wanders into her mind every once in a while. he’s also a bit weirded out by the concept of him having actual thought patterns she can sense, not just code (mr. "i don’t have thoughts i have load times")

gets a little emotional when mina tells him that his thought patterns are unique and don't feel like bradley's, despite bagley being a neural copy of him

when on missions he has an expressive led mask, like wrench's (wrench designed it for him with some help from tiffany). it changes to reflect his expressions / emotions and will turn red as an indicator he's being hacked / interfered with

[neckromantics]

Trips in the Regalia:

Chocobro Headcanons—

could be seen as platonic or not! whatever you want. :) SFW and gender neutral.

Went on a road trip recently so these just kinda popped into my head. Also I missed you guys. :)

Okay, so Noct or Ignis are in charge of driving, obviously. Poor Prompto is pretty much banned from ever touching the wheel unsupervised bc the one time they let him behind the wheel it ended in disaster.

You’re totally allowed to drive but you outright refuse to do so now-a-days because someone distracted you by standing up in his seat and you almost drove off into a ravine out of fright.

Ignis has been known to let one of you sit on his lap and steer just for fun. Sure it looks ridiculous, but he can not handle the puppy dog eyes that are sent his way whenever he's asked.

There’s a cooler in the back by your feet that’s stocked full of Ebony and tiny little seltzer waters just in case Ignis gets cranky or someone starts to feel a little car sick.

The glove box might as well be considered a medicine cabinet with the amount of curatives that's stuffed inside.

Long road trips ALWAYS become even longer road trips because no one in the car knows how to synchronize their pee breaks. You keep telling them to just go all at once but they never listen. Someone always insists they don’t have to go and then changes their mind five minutes after you’ve left the rest area.

Parking at the side of the road where said someone has to do the walk of shame to nearby shrubbery while everyone else stays in the car and talks shit about them.

The Regalia always smells strongly of whatever essential oil that’s been dripped into the USB powered diffuser Iris gifted to you guys. It's a godsend, especially after those particularly long hunts where you all could use a shower. If it weren't for her it'd always reek of sweat and desperation in there.

It doesn’t happen very often, but there have been a couple of times that you’ve miscalculated the distance to the next fuel station and had to push the car the rest of the way after running out of fuel a few miles away.

Now Ignis has to reassure you constantly that there's enough gas in the tank, but you still peer over his shoulder to check the fuel gage and start to nervous sweat whenever it drops below half full.

Prom’s always trying to initiate a game of I Spy and you’re the only one that will entertain it lol.

No one in the car is allowed to have the aux due to past music-based arguments. You all have a joint playlist on a music app that you take turns adding songs to, and it gets played on shuffle. The genre is almost never the same back to back, which makes things interesting and also ridiculous.

Naturally Prompto takes so many photos he has to bring what is essentially a briefcase of backup storage. Will crawl into the back seat when he’s bored to sit half on your and Noct’s lap to show you some of them instead of just handing the camera over like a normal person.

Whoever gets to be in the passenger seat has the privilege of feeding Ignis while he’s driving. Apparently, Iggy burns a crazy amount of energy at the wheel because he’s ALWAYS hungry up there. He could feed himself just fine, but where’s the fun in that?

Honestly everyone’s just always feeding each other for some reason.

At some point when Noct’s driving you sneak a carrot stick into his mouth instead of a potato chip and he tries to kill you. Like, I’m not kidding he slams on the breaks and throws himself across the car at you like a rabid animal. It’s not threatening at all because he’s mostly flailing around, but it does take all three of the remaining guys to pry him away from you. You are cackling the entire time.

Gladio spends most trips reading (and then re-reading) the book he brought with him. Will let you lean in close to read it if you ask nicely. Always waits for you to give him the go ahead to turn the page.

You, Noct, and Prompto play rock paper scissors to see who gets shotgun and somehow Prompto wins nine times out of ten.

Ignis is an excellent driver but for some strange reason he loves to do U-turns in the WORST places possible. Will miss an exit and say whatever posh equivalent there is to “My Bad.” and just do a complete one eighty like your lives mean nothing to him. Also? He will slam the breaks on if any of you start misbehaving and it’s hilarious.

Gladio likes to mess with people in passing cars.

He’ll do this blank, dead-eyed stare at them at red lights until they make eye contact with him.

If the top of the Regalia is up for some reason, he’ll roll his window down and motion for them to do the same only to immediately roll his window back up as soon as they roll theirs down.

There's a compartment in between the two front seats that has five sets of matching novelty sunglasses that Noct bought at the shop in Hammerhead. It also has some lip balm, sunscreen, and bandages for when someone inevitably scrapes their knee or something.

There's not a lot of room in the car with all of you inside, so naturally you're forced to sleep in the weirdest of positions. Half on one boy, half on another. An arm or leg hanging out the side of the car. Nearly upside down in the seat.

It’s safe to say the Regalia is like your tiny home away from home by now. Sometimes it’s easier for you to just to pull a blanket into the car and sleep rather than attempt to sleep in some strange, fancy hotel room. The bros will wake up wondering where you are, only to find you curled up like a baby in the back seat.

[trashytoastboi]

Heyyyy! I really really REALLY loved your pregnancy and parental hcs for Doffy and Lucci, that was sooo amazing!!! Can I request the same with Kid and Law with their wifes?

Heyya! Thank you so much ^.^ and of course! Sorry for the long wait on this and hope you enjoy~

Headcanons: Pregnancy and Parental for Doflamingo and Rob Lucci

Headcanons: Pregnancy and Parental for Jack the Drought and King the Wildfire

Headcanons: Pregnancy and Parental for Ace (Will update link when posted)

(Female Pronouns)

Headcanons: Pregnancy and Parental for Kid, Law x F! S/O

Eustass Kid

🛠Pregnancy🛠

🛠Seemed like everybody could tell before the captain, of course he was wondering why {Name} seemed a bit more tempremental than usual, why she would get sick in the mornings and eat the weirdest things together. It was hard not to recognise the signs and his revelation came while busy with something and the thought randomly struck him. “[Name’s} pregnant”, at first he thought his brain was adding up to something random and yet when he asked her, she confirmed the facts with a sly smile ‘I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out”

🛠Kid’s reaction was a bit of an interesting one, he wondered between whether this was a joke, knowing {Name} had the tendency to prank him but on the other hand if she was being serious then he would be a father and that realization hit him hard. That quite literally he would be taking care of another living being. (Kid.exe has stopped working)

🛠Truly struggles to keep up with {Name’s} mood swings, his child wasn’t even born yet and he was already experiencing sleepless nights due to {Name} being hot one minute, then cold the next and angry with him then sad without him. He once shouted at her due to being tired and cranky and when {Name} started to cry, he felt his heart break a little and felt really bad. (He is really soft for his wife)

🛠Quite doting on {Name}, this is a bit of an unexpected side to him, and can easily get worried if she is sick. Sometimes Kid worries if his fear is getting the best of him, and needs confirmation from the other crew members to make sure he isn’t worrying over nothing.

🛠Despite the very unpleasant memories he has of this dish, at some ungodly hour of the morning when {Name} was hungry and craving curry udon, Kid and Killer were half asleep in the kitchen while preparing it for her. Kid cannot be left alone in the kitchen unsupervised and thus Killer was cooking all these ungodly hour meals.

🛠Parental🛠

🛠Wasn’t a common sight to see him anxious, pacing up and down waiting until he could finally go in to see {Name}, he is not sure why he wasn’t allowed to stay with her in the first place. The moment he is allowed to see her, Kid is bombarding the doors. No one has ever seen Kid as nervous as he was when he had been given the opportunity to hold his baby for the first time.

🛠He was happy, and very gentle when dealing with {Name} especially given how she exhausted was. Seriously, considering everything he had seen over the last few months he had a newfound respect for everything she braved through. And seeing the result in the form of his child, caused a very great swell of pride and love in his family.

🛠Kid loves his sleep, always has. Though he takes a lot more of ‘night shifts’ so his wife can rest a bit, and it was hard at first since he was always sleep deprived. Most of the time the three of them could all be found napping together

🛠Kid has singlehandedly been the one to build just about everything in terms of children’s furniture. This also meant that he took up some serious woodworking and made some very artisan stuff. Everything from baby chairs to cots, even mobiles he made it all. The crew is often required to help paint. (Some good ol’ Kid pirate bonding time)

🛠Can be a bit overbearing and over protective, or sometimes a bit neglectful. Honestly, its weird how he can be so fiercely overprotective in certain instances, and not in others. It’s a bit unbalanced but he is getting better.

🛠Kid and his child have a lot of shared traits, from the crazy red hair to their appetites and even some habits. It’s quite entertaining to watch since they are sort of like a miniature version of Kid.

Trafalgar Law

🍄Pregnancy🍄

🍄Bepo was surprisingly the one to bring it up. Mentioning that something seemed different about {Name} and he couldn’t quite pinpoint it, being one to trust in Bepo’s instincts, Law decided a check up was in order, even if nothing was wrong it would put him at ease. The results of that very same check up revealed that {Name} was pregnant, and not even she knew.

🍄Law was rereading what he wrote down, and double checking… even going through his Scan once again to make sure. Seeing that he was the one that had to break the news to her, Law kept a very composed demeanour as he told his wife that she was pregnant, seeing her smile and excitement though did reassure him and make him a little happy.

🍄Being a doctor, trust Law to be very specific about everything. Actually at times it will get a bit frustrating to deal with and {Name} can’t even get angry with him, knowing that he is legitimately trying his best to make sure she and the baby are healthy. “Law…I just want a cup of coffee” “{Name-ya} it’s not good for the baby” “Only if I drink a lot!! Just half a cup, please?” “…I’ll make you some tea without caffeine instead”

🍄Luckily {Name} never suffered with much morning sickness and Law was always right there to keep an eye on her, not to say anytime she got a cold wasn’t stressful but at the very least nothing severe happened.

🍄Loves having his hand on her stomach to feel all the slight movements, even to the kicks. Sometimes if he puts his ear near her stomach he can hear a faint heartbeat which somehow is really comforting to him. Especially after moments like these Law tends to become quite affectionate and endearing.

🍄Parental🍄

🍄The moment {Name} went into labour, Law was in doctor mode. He didn’t trust anyone aside from himself and a few specific crewmates to help with the delivery. He was quick to set everything up, and after a while, he was holding his child. Honestly, the whole thought of it just hit him in that moment, looking between his wife and his child. Law did feel a quite emotional.

🍄Honestly, Law was tired. Even if he was composed throughout the operation, it doesn’t mean he wasn’t feeling stressed, he sits holding {Name} in a gentle embrace, with their child in her arms and when he looked at the door there was every crew member trying to get a glimpse of the newest member of the Heart pirates. (He can at least appreciate that every single one of them went through the full scrub down procedure even just to stand at the door)

🍄This man gladly rocks a baby harness with pride everywhere he goes, minus when the little one might be wanting their mom. Thanks to Penguins input, a baby hat in the style of Law’s was made and a tiny little Heart Pirates jumpsuit as well.

🍄Baby talk… Law always baby talks with them, and if tired enough he can forget he is doing it and sometimes can bring it into normal conversation as well. This is actually incredibly adorable, though some translation is needed at times for those who have no idea what he means.

🍄Usually he has a quick fuse with most people, but the patience of a saint when it comes to tending to his child. Especially enjoys being able to bond with them, most times when he gets up in the night he will fall asleep with them in his arms and that’s the way they usually find the captain getting his sleep in.

🍄Has to constantly watch the little one, knowing just how inquisitive they can be. They are especially fond of Bepo since he is a polar bear and one of the nicest bonding activities shared between Law and them is when Law reads all of the Sora comics as their bedtime stories.

[roachspraee]

Closed Closet (Spinel X Reader)

So I watched the Steven Universe Movie and I am FAMISHED. I knew right away I had to make a fanfic of Spinel, so here ya go! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I did rush this quite a bit, and in no way am I expecting this to relieve your thirst for Spinel, but I do hope this meets your expectations. I have a bad habit of prioritizing less important things over my actual school work...whoops. This is kinda spicy, enjoy !! ≧◡≦

Word count: 4,019

Warnings: Foul Language

-

You sat on the floor comfortably as you leaned back onto your hands. Your nails dug into the carpet on the floor gently as your eyes darted from person to person in the room. Steven had planned a little hangout at Lars' house and invited multiple people. You had wondered for a moment why he hadn't just planned a hangout at the temple, but then you had realized that there was an accident that had recently taken place at the crystal gem's home.

Peridot was left at the house unsupervised by any of the gems while she was baking a cake for Pumpkin's birthday. Once Steven returned home after getting donuts from the Big Donut, he had found the house partially burnt. You nearly knocked yourself out from laughing so hard when Pearl told you about the incident. You couldn't believe that they would leave her all alone like that!

So while Bismuth and a couple other gems repaired the house, Steven decided it would be nice to have a small party with his close friends, which honestly you didn't mind, because you loved hanging out with Beach City's weirdest people.

Your eyes scanned everyone's faces in the room; Lars and Sadie, Connie and Steven, Lapis and Peridot, Pearl and Amethyst, and Garnet with Spinel. Everyone was chatting, some were on the floor like yourself, others were dancing to quiet music, and others were eating snacks while telling jokes. It was nice and calming, that was until your eyes met Spinel's.

The feeling of your heart thrumming at the sight of her eyes almost made you feel dizzy. It was really odd, though, because your heart always did that whenever you were near Spinel. She was always very comfortable with you, she'd call you cute little pet names (which you assumed to be friendly), and she'd always go the extra mile just to make you smile. Whenever she talked about something that really intrigued her or made her excited, her little accent would be audible to your ears and you couldn't help the warm sensation that spread across your face.

You had definitely grown very fond of the gem, regardless of what others think of her. She did have that pissed off looking rest face, which does make her look quite intimidating, but you honestly thought it was cute. You really enjoyed her company, even if she did struggle with her own issues.

But you couldn't help the frown that formed on your lips at the thought of Spinel. Whenever you looked at her you felt disappointed. At the beginning of your friendship, she had opened up to you about her feelings and problems. Whenever she looked agitated or felt down, you were always there to listen and comfort her. If anything, your similar feelings were the reason why you had grown so close. But then she just stopped. She stopped talking to you about her feelings.

Every time you saw her she looked more angry and tense, and if you asked her about how she was doing she'd just brush your question off her shoulder and answer with: "I'm fine dollface, ya don't gotta ask every 2 minutes."

You gave her space from that point on. But the more space you gave her, the more she closed off and the less your conversations lasted. You knew she was lying to you when she said she was fine. There have been times when you saw her, and her eyes were swollen red and puffy as if she's been crying. Words cannot describe the amount of guilt and pain you felt, because you wanted to help her so badly, but she wouldn't let you. She refuses to share anything about her past or feelings with you, and you didn't understand why. What were you doing wrong?

Letting out a sigh, you stood up from your comfortable spot on the floor and made your way over to Spinel and Garnet who sat on Lars' bed. Their conversation had ceased when they saw you approach them, and Garnet waved at you to sit down next to them.

"Hello y/n." Garnet greeted with a soft smile. You returned the smile as you made yourself comfortable on the bed, "Hey Garnet-" You turned over to Spinel and gave her wide grin, ignoring the small wave of nervousness that splashed onto you, "hey Spinel." The pink gem gave you a soft smirk, her eyes instantly growing soft at the sight of you. She greeted you with a small wave of her hand before she placed it behind her head.

You turned to look at Garnet with a relaxed glint in your eyes and you let out a soft sigh, "Man, this is exactly what I needed. We should definitely do this more often." Garnet snorted, lifting a hand to her lips as she shook her head jokingly, "You see us almost everyday y/n." You rolled your eyes playfully at her comment as you let yourself fall onto the bed, the soft cushion of Lars' bed against your back was truly bliss.

"It's still fun. All of us being in one place and just chatting amongst each other is one of the best things in life. Plus, Spinel doesn't come on earth often. So it's nice to see her." You glanced over at Spinel with a, rather confident, wink. You watched as her cheeks turned light pink at your gesture, and she looked away from your face with a soft chuckle, "Thanks sugar, it's nice to see ya too." She winked back, and you could have sworn you felt your heart skip a beat. Man, this gem really has you feeling all sorts of ways.

The sudden voices of Steven and Lars caught everyone's attention, making their eyes turn to the duo that stood in the middle of the room. After they had everyone's eyes set on their figures, Lars began to speak, "So Steven and I had planned a game for us all to play. It's called 7 Minutes in Heaven. Basically-" He stopped mid-sentence as his face scrunched up as if he was trying to remember what he was going to say next.

"hold up." He whipped out his phone from his pocket and began to type furiously on his phone. Steven sighed with a roll of his eyes, "Basically what the game is about-"

"OKAY," Lars interrupted, a big smile formed on his lips as he stared at the screen of his phone, "So basically the game is about having two people enter a small space, like a closet," Lars turned behind him and pointed at a closet door, "and have them spend 7 minutes inside. You can do anything inside, like chat or play games. I've left a small flameless candle inside so you can see, and a few board games if you want to play."

Steven than pulled a small top hat from behind his back and shook it, "Inside this hat is all of your names. We will pull out two random names, and whoever gets called goes inside the closet for 7 minutes. This game is all about privacy, so when you go inside the rest of us will turn up the music and we'll wait until it is time for you to come out. And remember," Steven smiled at everyone in the room happily, "have fun and respect the other person's space. Don't proceed with any activities if the other party doesn't consent to it. Do we understand?" Everyone in the room nodded their heads in agreement.

"Great! Now we will draw the names." Steven lifted the hat and shook it before he reached in to grab a piece of paper. Lars then reached in and grabbed another piece of paper and they both unwrapped the small pieces of paper as their eyes scanned the written names. Your heart began to beat slightly faster than usual. You wouldn't ever admit it to yourself, but you wanted to go inside with Spinel. It had been so long since you've had a genuine conversation with her. You wanted to connect with her so badly. She was growing to become your stranger, and you wanted anything but that. You hoped this would be a perfect opportunity to speak to her.

“Y/n." Lars read out loudly.

Oh goodness.

"Spinel." Steven said, looking up from the paper in between his fingers and smiled, "Alright you two, go on ahead inside."

Wait, did that really just happen?

You didn't realize the smile on your face. You couldn't even feel that you had subconsciously smiled at the fact that you'd be staying in a closet alone with Spinel. You could finally speak to her. What was the likelihood of Steven and Lars actually drawing both of your names like that? What an odd coincidence.

You just hoped this would go smoothly.

Getting up from your comfortable spot on the bed, you made your way over to the closet with Spinel walking straight behind you. You stepped inside the middle-sized closet with Spinel as you heard the volume on the boombox increase. Steven peered inside the closet and smiled at the both of you, "Have fun, you guys. See you in 7 minutes!" And with that, he closed the closet door shut.

Regardless of the blasting music behind the closed doors of the closet, it was pretty quiet. Too quiet. You could hear your blood pump in your ears.

"Since we're gon' be here for 7 minutes, might as well get comfy." Spinel said casually, sitting down on the floor with her legs crossed. You stood there dumbfounded for a second as you gather your thoughts before sitting down across from her. You smiled sheepishly at her, and she smirked, "What'dya wanna do doll?" She turned to a small pile of board games and reached for the one on the top, "Wanna play Monopoly?" She asked, her gaze turning to look at your face and waited for your answer.

You nodded with a small smile, "Yeah, I love Monopoly. Have you played before?" Spinel shook her head softly, her pink hair following her movements as she opened the box and opened the board to set on the floor, "Nah, but you can teach me as we play. How does that sound?" You hummed in agreement with her proposal. You watched as she set down all of the game cash and the figurines on the board, "You can pick a character you want to play as." You told her.

She nodded and picked up a game piece, "Heh, this one's cute." You let a small giggle leave past your lips as you pick up another, "Alright, I'll play as this one." You and Spinel began to play for a few minutes, as you explained to her about the basics of Monopoly and how you have to pass go to collect 200 dollars. You have the rules of the game burned in the back of your brain since you'd always play it with your childhood friends when you were small.

Just as it became your turn, you suddenly stopped and looked up from the board and up to Spinel. She returned your gaze and rose a brow curiously at you. Were you going to speak to her? Were you going to follow through with your feelings? "Spinel," You spoke out her name, and she cocked her head a little to the right, "Something the matter dollface?" Her voice held curiosity and slight concern, but you suddenly felt a wave of irritation and frustration ram into you. And it rams into you hard.

You let out an airless sigh, your fingers letting go of the figurine that you held in your hands, shaking your head in disbelief. Was she being serious right now? Did she seriously just ask what was the matter, when you've been spending the last couple months trying to ask her that question?

"You're really going to ask that right now, Spinel?" You say with a roll of your eyes, feeling every bit of annoyance and hurt that had built inside slowly start to spill out of you.

"You have been emotionally distant from me and from everyone you know. For months I've been trying to help you. But every time I try you push me further and further away! And now you're going to ask me what's the fucking matter!?" You gasped at your sudden outburst and quickly placed your fingers on your lips. You hadn't meant to blow up, it just…happened.

Spinel sat wide-eyed at your words, but you watched as her face grew dark and sinister. You could feel your heart plummet down into your stomach when you watched her expression change drastically within split seconds, and the low growl that erupted in her throat made you want to hide and never come out. You knew damn well you had angered her, and there's no way to go back.

The easygoing smirk she had plastered onto her face was a mere mask, and now her true emotions are slipping past her grasp and all you can manage to do is meet her angry glare.

"I don't gotta tell you shit, toots." She sneered out through her bared teeth, making you flinch at how aggressive she became. You've never heard her growl so deeply before, and it honestly terrified you. You wondered why she hadn't acted so cold to you before…

Her words really hit it home when you started to feel your heart ache in pain, it was pretty damn clear that she wanted nothing to do with you. And god damn it, it hurt. Because no matter what you did or what you said, you knew she was going to shove you away. Fighting fire with fire wasn't a wise decision, but you needed her to hear everything.

"Do you not understand the fact that I'm worried!? What do you take me for? An idiot?? I know you're lying when you say you're FINE Spinel." Your voice grew louder and louder with every word, and you could feel your throat swell and ache at how much you yelled. Your eyes stung as you felt hot, burning tears well up in your eyes, and you tried to keep them from escaping past your lids.

Your hands balled into fists as you continued, "Hell, even the Diamonds know you're hiding something! They worry for you Spinel! Everyone does! I worry about y-you!" Your voice began to crack as for you could no longer look at Spinel while you were saying these things. It was too much for you. All you wanted was for her to be happy, and you can’t even make that happen.

You could see your knuckles turn white from how tightly you were holding your fists. You didn't care if anyone outside the closet could hear you, it wasn't even on your mind. You just needed to get this off your chest, even if Spinel wasn't willing to listen.

"We used to be so close…but then you started pushing me away!"

There was silence for a short while. But the sudden sound of the Monopoly board game flying towards the wall made you squeal in surprise. Spinel was closer to you now, and in the corner of your eye you could see the scattered pieces of the Monopoly game all over the floor, but that wasn't your main focus. Your eyes met with Spinel's, and you could see anger, but there was another emotion, or multiple, that were added to the mix that you couldn't quite identify. You were so overwhelmed with your own emotions that you couldn't even comprehend the situation entirely.

"Lemme tell ya a little somethin' sweetcheeks," She then grabbed a fist full of your shirt and lifted you up so that you were mere inches from her face, you were so close to her that you could feel her hot breath hit your face. A long, cold shiver ran up your spine at the sensation, and it only made your heart race faster than it already was. "I got my reasons for what I do what I do. My feelings ain't got nothin' to do with you. So why don'tcha just mind your own damn business?"

You didn't want to think that her voice could get any deeper, but you were most definitely wrong. The lump in your throat overwhelmed you, along with the heating of your skin, and all you could do was whimper in response to her words. Spinel's grip only grew tighter on your shirt as she pulled you even closer, "Why the hell do ya want me around anyway!? Just so you can leave me all alone like she did? So you can use me up and toss me away when you get bored of me!?" You felt confusion and pain swirl within your heart and soul. What was she talking about?

You didn't understand what she was saying. She was abondoned? By who? Why?

"N-no!" You stammered out, big, hot tears rolled down your cheeks as you turned away from her hateful gaze and to the wall. You hated this. You hated how she made you feel. You hated how she made you hurt for her when she doesn't even care.

"I want you around b-because you're my friend Spinel-" She interrupted you with a dark chuckle, her grip on your shirt forced you to look into her eyes, "Ya don't gotta lie to me babycakes," She pressed her forehead against yours as she continued to snarl out her hurtful words, "I know you're only pretending to care bout' me. When the fuck are ya finally gon' admit that you don't want me, huh!?"

"But I do want you!"

It took you only a few seconds to realize what you had just said, and the true meaning behind your words. Silence. You and Spinel both fell completely quiet, and the words you yelled out echoed within the walls of your head. Your face grew hot, embarrassment had been added to the mix of emotions you were experiencing. Did you just...

Spinel's glare disappeared, and a look of shock had replaced it. Her mouth was held agape, and her eyes were slightly wide. You could see her cheeks flush a deep red. She opened her mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. You left her completely speechless. Your heart threatened to leap out of your chest when you saw her eyes move from your eyes down to your lips.

"Damn you…" Spinel growled before she roughly shoved her lips against yours in a heated kiss. You squeaked in surprise, a new wave of emotions splashed onto you and you closed your eyes shut, focusing on her touch and warmth. Her mouth moved against yours, and your hands instinctively moved to her shoulders. You could feel her hands move to your cheeks as she softly held your face, pulling you closer to her.

Her kisses became more and more heated. You could feel every single emotion that she had kept to herself. Every single kiss held frustration, anger, loneliness, and sadness, and she was giving it all to you. Her lips were so soft against yours. You loved it. You loved her.

Your soul nearly jumped out of your body when you felt her tongue glide against your bottom lip. You accepted her request and let her explore every single spot she desired. You tilted your head to the side to deepen the rough, needy kiss.

“Mmph~” You couldn't help the soft moan that had escaped your throat when you felt her tongue coax your own to play. She tasted so sweet.

You felt her pull away, and to your surprise, you saw tears form in her stunning eyes as her lip quivered.

"God, I need you…" She murmured, pressing kisses on your neck as she placed her hands on your hips. You could feel her tongue glide on your warm skin and you bit your lip, trying so hard to keep your embarrassing noises to yourself.

"I want you…" She softly bit onto your skin, earning herself another moan. You felt her smile against your skin, then she pressed kisses all along your collarbone and up your neck, then gliding her lips along your jaw.

"I love you…" She pressed her lips against yours into another kiss, this time, it's more loving and soft. She let out a soft whimper as she brought you closer to her, her lips moving in sync with your own. You never knew just how much you wanted Spinel until now, and you could honestly say that you were the happiest person in the world.

She let out a groan when you bit onto her lower lip, this time exploring her. Her hands were shaky as they roamed all over your body. Her hand went under your shirt and felt every mile of skin. Your hands traveled up to her hair and you softly gripped onto her pink locks and smiled at how surprisingly soft they were. Her hands went up to your belly and to your chest, feeling you, wanting you.

You pulled away and panted heavily, your forehead flushed against hers. Spinel's face was a deep, beet red color, much like yours, and you just smiled when you saw how the pupils of her eyes shaped into little hearts as she stared at you with adoration and love. You stroked her wet cheeks softly as you pressed a kiss on her nose.

"Wow…" She mumbled, her thumb stroked the skin on your chest gracefully, "You really are somethin' toots." You smiled happily at her, and nuzzled your face in the crook of her neck, "After this party, you're telling me everything that’s on your mind.”

There was a slight pause, so you moved your head to look at Spinel’s face. She looked devastated. Her eyes held so much sadness in them.

"…I'm so sorry I said all those things to ya…" You immediately met her eyes, and saw guilt and regret swirl within her orbs, "All those things I said to ya…I…" She shut her eyes and looked away from you, purely ashamed for what she had said to you. You gently gripped onto her cheeks and quickly comforted her.

"Hey, hey Spinel, look at me," Her glossy eyes met yours, your fingers were quick to wipe away any falling tears from her eyes, "I forgive you. God, you have no idea how much it hurt when you pushed me away like that. But it’s over now, kay? From now on you’re telling me everything that’s on your mind and every emotion you’re feeling. I want to help you, Spinel." You kissed her eyes softly, wrapping your arms around her as you nuzzled into her hair, "Okay? We'll make it through this together. 

Spinel pulled away and gazed at you with a small, sad frown and nodded her head, "Sure thing doll." You slowly stood up to your feet and helped Spinel up, hearing the music of the boombox go quiet and footsteps approaching the closet door, and the sudden light of the room blinded you once the doors had flew open.

"Times up! You guys can come out now." You and Spinel slightly stumbled out of the closet, squinting your eyes as they adjusted to the new lighting. As you made your way over to the bed with Spinel, Amethyst looked over at the both of you and smirked, "Did you guys have fuunn?” Your face started to burn as you remembered you had fought and had an extremely heated make-out session with Spinel in just 7 minutes.

“BAHAHAHAHAH!!” Amethyst laughed hysterically as your red face had answered her question. You just looked away from her in complete embarrassment.

You turned to Spinel when you felt her fingers intertwine with yours, only to see a smug smirk implanted onto her lips, "Ya know…" One of Spinel's hands laid on your thigh as she softly kneaded your skin, "You tasted pretty good. I wonder what other parts of you taste sweet~"

"Lars and Sadie! You guys are up next!"

You swear your heart was going to explode if the night continued.

[fuckyeahjola]

Let’s do this. Trailer analysis and compiled s3 information time.

(Please forgive the black bars, the only way I could get the frames were full-screen screenshots.)

So Michael and Book are looking good, looking casual. I dig it. I mean, clearly they’re gonna fall in love, and I support them. Also, obligatory Grudge. Sonequa’s hair is a helpful marker, because it looks like she’s got a few more scenes in the next eps before she gets the braids. More on that later.

Also, Frakes leaked that the crew gets reunited with Michael in e3, so I guess that means the next ep will split between catch up with the crew and Michael’s adventures with Book?

Pretty sure this is Disco’s arrival in the future, doing ye old trek lean.

Short-hair Michael is buying dilithium or other Federation antiques. We’ve seen that black fringe on Sarek’s costumes in the past, but that doesn’t really mean anything.

Real talk, I have no goddamn clue what this is. Maybe an explosion on Book’s ship?

A shuttle. Would bet good money this is Keyla, the Andorian, and Grudge.

Saru and Tilly on a walk. I think Saru’s outfit is the same as the one he wears while making a speech next to Michael, but I’m not sure.

THEEEEEEEM

This trailer really gave Joann so many good lines and stuff. That’s what I like to see.

Jo says “there she is,” which I’m guessing is in reference to either meeting up with Michael and Book or Earth/Terralysium? The trailer clearly wants us to think it’s the latter.

Oh, I just know Adira is gonna be a standout character for me already. Paul, that’s your kid now.

When I first saw this, I thought that this might be Pike, against all odds? But it’s clearly not, just a Trill in yellow. Michael in command gold and with braids.

A planet entirely covered in shields? This aint star wars.

Jola at their stations, Nilsson on the right, and an unknown woman to the left who I will henceforth refer to as “Discount Nilsson” or “Discount Discount Airiam.”

Go Book Go!

That’s Michael and the Emperor near the blast. Also, what appears to be Nhan fully in the fucking air on the far right. Ya think Georgiou is going to get better extensions this season? Me neither.

A battle on some sort of industrial planet, probably after a starship that I found too boring to add to this but appears in the trailer crashes into a building.

I don’t know the Andorian at all, but I’m gonna go ahead and declare this Gays And Theys Solidarity. Also, is that my queen Detmer piloting a shuttle like I said she would earlier? FUCK NO THAT’S BOOK’S SHIP LOOK AT THE BACKGROUND YOU’RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE

We saw this scene in the trailer, but guess who we didn’t see! Hello Tilly! Nice to see the costume department remains doing you dirty and putting you in the weirdest tunic-oufits. Is this gonna be a repeat of the season 1 finale?

Maybe Saru just has the one Scrubby Away Mission Outfit. For what it’s worth, this is the same outfit Michael wears in the “time passes” segment of the first trailer from way back when.

Looks like Adira convinced their dad to break out of the museum lifestyle and try out some new minimally-invasive tech. Weren’t you just in a coma, Paul? Anyways cool stuff. Probably important that Discovery is able to instantly travel without dilithium. Almost like they planned it or something.

I support them.

Pretty sure this takes place in a turbolift, judging by the background. Also, Michael remains in Command Gold.

Adira fulfilling their destiny to be the One True Space Gay with Michael. Also, nice to see they dipped into Tilly’s tunic collection. When are we gonna see Grey? Is that Grey on the right? Or just Adira tripping balls, per Discovery tradition?

Rhys is eating popcorn. Crew movie night? I mean, in my dreams they found like some documentary on Pike’s life and are watching it but that seems unlikely.

From left to right, Detmer, Tilly, Jowo, Nhan, Rhys, and Nilsson. We also know from the earlier trailers that Stamets is around there somewhere.

Book and Michael absolutely getting their shit wrecked.

A Diverse Fistbump. Dare I say it, Bryce/Rhys? Or Rhys and Jowo. I’d take either, man.

Oh, I’d forgotten about this plotline from last season. What a treat.

Tilly being proud of Michael? Perfect. Michael back to science silver (I say “back to” because they’ve got the new badges, implying this is later in the show. Remember when Wilson Cruz leaked the new badge design on insta like, last year and had to take it down? I do.)? Not ideal but I’ll take it.

HUGH AND NHANNNNNN

Nice to see that Rachel Ancheril might not have to suffer through aging makeup for the rest of Nhan’s life. Dunno where they’re at. Where’s Pollard? At least we know she lives through getting the new badges, courtesy of Wilson Cruz’s instagram.

Adira fucking, drowning. Paul, stop letting your child go into (glowing) pools unsupervised.

Hold the fucking phone. I am so confused by this frame. I spent minutes pouring over it. That badge in the middle, that’s got to be Tilly’s from s1, right? And maybe the others are hers and she’s gotten promoted? Fucking wrong! They belong to someone named Murphy! Who the fuck is Murphy!?!?!

Convenient that the name and serial number of this ship got blown up. Anyways, I think that’s the old Starfleet headquarters from 3x01?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww  ^-^

Oh wait, I did find it to be important enough! Spoiler alert, the ship crashes.

And finally, what I can only imagine to be a classic and sappy toast in the cafeteria. Probably “to science” or something like that. New badges. I spy... (from left to right) Stamets in a corner, Rhys, Saru, Owosekun, Bryce, Sonequa Martin-Green’s body double in silver, Book, Tilly, Detmer, Reno, Nilsson.

Hold on.

TILLY WHY ARE YOU WEARING COMMAND GOOOOOLLLLLLLLD

[likeshipsonthesea]

If you're doing prompts, 19 and 24 for nurseydex

for au mash up 19. Summer Camp AU and 24. Soulmate AU

okay so in this universe, as per any soulmate universe, soulmates are A Big Thing. the way that soulmates work–let’s have some fun here– when you touch your soulmate for the first time, they leave a color in the spot they touched you. it has to be skin-to-skin. this will become important later.

so in this world, since soulmates are such a big thing–almost everyone finds their soulmate, the only typical cases that don’t are people that die young or people who are aro, though there are platonic soulmates and poly and such, bc we’re inclusive here boyos– but because they’re so big and common and everything, there are a lot of industries around them

psychics and palm readers have specialized skills to tell you what your soulmate is like, bio-medical companies sell drugs that tell you how long it will be until you find your soulmate (sketchy, but people are desperate) and the weirdest one, imo, is the send-away summer camps for children to find their soulmates young.

yeah. weird.

there’s science to back it up, saying kids who kind their soulmates at younger ages live longer, healthier lives, and the matches between those soulmates is much stronger and, now, with the advent of social media, kid soulmate findings always go viral

so now onto our story; nursey’s parents all have very big work summers coming up (his parents are one of the few poly soulmates in the world, his dad is aro and platonically bonded to nursey’s mom and mama, who are v gay and v in love, and they all live together happily in a beautiful brownstone) so they ask him what he wants to do for the summer and he shows them the brochure for the Summer Soulmate Camp in the rural part of maine.

why did nursey choose this one? he’s a romantic and thinks the greenery is the perfect place to fall in love, it won’t be too hot for the summer, he can go swimming, and they have a hockey rink. it’s perfect.

(also, sidenote, i imagine he’s about ten or eleven here, dex is the same)

so though nursey’s parents are a little hesitant, they also want their son to be happy, so they buy him all the gear he’ll need, drive him up to maine, and kiss him goodbye on the first day of camp.

nursey takes to the camp immediately–the food isn’t great, very bland, but the people are so nice and there’s so much to do and he can’t wait to find friends, even if he doesn’t end up finding his soulmate. his roommate is a great guy–named chris, but goes by chowder– and he’s so enthusiastic and he tells nursey he plays goalie in hockey so when the day comes to join the hockey group on campus, they both head down to the rink, bouncing and excited.

this is, of course, where dex comes in.

dex, a sullen, tiny, perpetually frowning little dude gets matched up with nursey for d-man. despite nursey’s initial hesitation at such a little guy being a d-man, dex soon shows his worth by checking the opposing forward hard.

“will, buddy, we’re not checking in this league, okay?” the coach, a well-meaning woman with smile crinkles next to her eyes.

dex stares up at her. “if i’m not checking anyone why am i even here.”

there may or may not have been an expletive in there somewhere. we’re not going to mention it if you won’t.

and you might be wondering, “hey why is dex being such a dick” or maybe you’re just like “mm in character” (ur wrong but whatever) but here’s the story. these summer camps are usually reserved for people who have the money–there’s only so many spaces and aside from the soulmate thing, they still have a bunch of amenities and it’s for the whole summer. by all rights, dex shouldn’t be here.

but then last winter happened, and he fell down during hockey practice, and the doctor explained to the poindexters–little mama p standing tall, resolute, her husband holding onto her waist in support, dex’s older brother j, finally not wearing an asshole’s smirk– that dex was sick. badly.

and see, dex is fine. like, the chemo sucked and his hair falling out sucked and everyone looking at him like he’s a weak little useless fucking– it sucks. but that was months ago, and it’s sort of in remission now, and though the doctor says it’s probably going to come back and they’ll have to do another round of chemo– dex is fine okay. the buzzed hair doesn’t look too bad and he’s stronger now, he can play hockey again.

but the cancer scared his parents, and his extended family, and though they all believe in the natural meeting of your soulmate, they all silently agreed that dex didn’t have the time to wait. the only thing sadder than dying young was dying without a soulmate.

so they scrounged up the cash through all the branches of their family tree and sent dex to Summer Soulmate Camp, and now here he is, angry and isolated and ready to check any rich prep kid that looks at him funny on the ice.

as you can imagine, nursey and dex don’t get along well at the start.

dex isn’t much into soulmates and doesn’t keep his opinion to himself, and nursey is so wholeheartedly romantic that he can’t imagine not thinking about your soulmate every day. “they’re the one person who can make you the best you can be,” nursey says, one day after practice, and dex scoffs.

“if you’re not good enough on your own, how the hell is your soulmate being chained to you gonna make it any better?”

they also argue about money things, but mostly brand names that dex doesn’t know, or international trips nursey doesn’t realize is a luxury. to be fair, none of the other kids know this either–nursey at least tries to listen

(he’s too young, really, to understand how his blackness has affected him in a similar, possibly more visible way. later on, he’ll read books about slaves “given permission” to marry their soulmates from masters, the interracial couples that ended in mobs driving the black man out of town–or worse– and the history of black soulmates being restricted and demeaned and made to feel less than. now, now he only notices being the only mixed boy in the room some of the time. now, at least, is a calm before the bliss is broken.)

but the thing that comes along with all of nursey and dex’s arguments is that they come to know each other better than anyone else at the camp. even chowder, who tags along with them all the time when he isn’t following after the girls’ volleyball team (he hasn’t touched farmer yet, so he can’t know, but he really likes her smile and she’s the best at doing handstands), even he doesn’t know how nursey feels about books the way dex does, after the late-night talk around the bonfire when nursey got rambly and giddy and dex just.. listened

and it takes a while before dex talks about the cancer. back home, everyone knows, but here he could pretend. nursey doesn’t tell everyone–dex almost expected that he would, but that was more on him than nursey– but he listens and nods and doesn’t pity dex, respects him maybe, cares, but no pity.

and that night, sitting on the end of the dock in a rare unsupervised moment, nursey nearly reaches out to hold dex’s hand in comfort, and dex nearly hugs nursey when he says, “fuck cancer” in the most emphatic, simple, comprehending way dex has ever heard, but neither does. they’ve learned, in this culture, the importance of touch, and both boys are too scared to find out, to break that last barrier. this could be enough. this should be enough.

the rest of the summer is spent in a haze of friendships and salt water and trees and scraped knees and laughter, and all of them swear that they’re gonna text, call, facetime, whatever. they’re going to keep this up. they’re going to be friends forever

they’re not allowed phones at the camp, so they write down each other’s numbers– just dex’s, actually, because he’s the only one who can remember his home phone number– and nursey and chowder swear to call when they get home and give dex their number (chowder also has farmer’s number, now, and her mark–smudgy and bluish purple on his shoulder from where she tackled him trying to spike the ball in a game on the beach last week. his, teal, is on her palm almost in the shape of a heart)

on the day of pick up, dex’s family shows up first–closer– and he and nursey are forced to say goodbye. “i guess this is it,” dex says, hefting his duffle bag strap onto his shoulder.

“no it’s not,” nursey insists. “i’ll call you. i will.”

“yeah right,” dex says, but he’s smiling anyway, and something about the moment–two boys, from such different worlds, somehow so similar in all the important ways, stand in front of each other, having never touched but knowing every little thing– something about the moment makes it so, suddenly, being soulmates doesn’t matter.

they’re friends. no matter what their colors say, that can be the most profound relationship they ever have.

“see you, nursey,” dex says, impulsive, and reaches his arms up to hug nursey close. nursey, startled, wraps his arms around dex. the hug is so unexpected, so quick, that neither of them feels dex’s forearm brush against nursey’s neck, neither of them notice the spread of green–on dex’s arm– or orange– nursey’s neck

later, after dex’s dad pulls in the driveway of their house, dex shoves open the door he’d slumped against when he got in the car and absentmindedly goes to wipe off the mossy-green stuff on his arm only to see it and freak

nursey, since his is behind his head, isn’t the one to notice his mark. it’s only when he’s going up the stairs in front of his mama that she yells something about “papito why didn’t you tell us you found your soulmate?” and nursey drops all of his bags and races up the stairs to the bathroom to try to use a hand mirror and the bathroom vanity to see the sunset dex left on his neck

but here’s the drama, right, nursey goes for his bag to find dex’s number and call–and he can’t find the paper it was written on. he scours his stuff to no avail. his parents call the summer camp, but they legally can’t give out information, and nursey doesn’t know the name of dex’s town and– you get where i’m going. they can’t find each other. they lose touch.

and both boy wonders what could have been, dex wonders why nursey didn’t call (probably develops a complex, whatever) and nursey wonders why dex never tried to look him up, and nursey hopes that dex’s cancer didn’t come back and dex hopes that nursey is still the romantic he’s always been, but they don’t see each other for another seven years.

what happens then? well, these hockey nerds go to take a tour of this cool college called samwell and, well. the rest i’m sure you can figure out from there.

(excerpt from the aftermath; a frequent fight

“i can’t believe you lost my number”

“i can’t believe you gave me a mark i can’t even see”

“i can’t believe you wanted to go to a summer camp to find your soulmate when you were ten”

“i can’t believe you didn’t–”

“nursey, dex, please can we just pick a place to eat and go?” poor baby chow

boys; “well, i had cancer, so i think i should get to pick–” “hey, you can’t pull the cancer card every time you want to eat at the grill, it’s not fair!” “i lost my hair, derek!” “so? you shave it all the damn time–”

chowder’s stomach rumbles. he texts chowder frowny faces and she sends back a cry-laugh and a wink. he gets no sympathy for his plight.)

[skittythegreat]

Survey Thingy

I was tagged by @punwolf​ but since this was getting kind of long, I’m gonna put it under a read more.

What was the best interaction you’ve ever had with a stranger? That’s...kind of hard.  I work in customer service so I talk to a lot of strangers.  I guess I’ll go with one that continues to amuse me to this day.  In 2007, living in NYC, I had hair to the middle of my back.  One day, I went to a salon down in the Village and I dyed it electric blue.  As I was taking the train home, I was walking down a connector hallway to change trains and some guy in a business suit walking behind me says real loud “I don’t know if you noticed, but your hair is REALLY blue.”  I turned around and went IT IS?  OMG I TOLD THEM TO GIVE ME HIGHLIGHTS!  He laughed, I laughed, it was nice.

Do you have the same religious beliefs that you had as a child? If so, why? Is not, how and why did they change? I as raised Christian.  I am no an Atheist...because of Doctor Who.  It wasn’t that the show was really atheist or anything (though some elements did work their way in courtesy of RTD).  It was just that I was watching it and I had this thought “there are so many worlds out there, and so many other lives that lived before us and will live after us.  How incredibly stupid and arrogant we must be to think we are the one true God’s chosen little planet.”  And that kind of shook down every religious belief I’d ever had.

What would your perfect room look like? Clean.  I am not a great housekeeper, so honestly if it was just clean I could work with it.  I’m pretty low maintenance about STUFF.  I would like some book cases, and some trophy cases for my funkos, and a table or desk so I can have a desktop computer.  Other than that?  I don’t really need much.

A book you love and one you didn’t. Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman and Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie 

What three events made the biggest impact on who you are today? Moving to New York taught me it was okay to be introverted, I could still have a good time with people without being crazy outgoing all the time, and I was actually a lot happier and self sufficient when I didn’t force myself to try so hard to be social.  Dating my most recent EX left me emotionally scarred and in financial ruin.  Meeting Jenn rebuilt me, gave me the first real best friend I’ve ever had, and has pushed me to become the writer I always wanted to be.

What was the weirdest habit you had as a child? It is too embarrassing to share.

What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t gotten around to yet? Yoga

What’s something special about the place you grew up? I had a really big yard when I was a kid.  We had a trailer on a fairly big lot, so I had lots of room to run and I could get a lot of mileage out imagination.

As the last human left on earth, what would you do? Hard to say.  I’m a stubborn old bitch.  And I’d be depressed as all get out but despite it all I think I’d keep trying to live.  I’d probably die of exposure before anything else ever got me.

What do you use your post-it notes for? Honestly...I usually fold one in half if something gets stuck in my teeth at work.  That is the most common use I have for them.

What’s your favorite quote? "You don’t pass or fail as a person, dear.” - Ocean at the end of the Lane, Neil Gaiman

What is a song that you have completely memorized? -  There’s....a lot.  Most songs by P!nk.  A shit ton of Broadway.  I can probably sing Pippin all the way through without problems.

What amazing thing did you do that no one was around to see? -  I work unsupervised for 8 hours a day 40 hours a week in the customer service industry.  Most of what I do is amazing and most of it goes completely unnoticed.

What do you wish you knew more about? - Computers.  I could get a pretty decent job at my best friend’s work in Texas if I just knew more about computers.

What is your claim to “fame”? - Nowadays?  Being part of the Megstiel core fandom.  But back in the day...it was Buffy.  I got my 15 minutes there.  I worked for Dragon*Con as part of the Buffy track.  For a year, I shared almost daily emails with Scott Allie, the Head Editor of Dark Horse Comics.  He cited me as one of his favorite things about the convention in the letters to the editor section of Buffy Season 8 issue...I wanna say 4.  It had Dawn on the cover, I remember that.

What is the most annoying thing people say to you? - I just have a quick question.  It is NEVER quick.

Do you know a limerick that does not involve a man from Nantucket? - I know part of one, but only cause it was on the Crown.

If you didn’t need to sleep, what would you do with that extra time? - Read.

When was the last time you climbed a tree? - I honestly don’t remember.  Probably high school?

What do you wish your brain was better at doing? - Not spiraling.  Anything can set me off, I swear to god.  A bad email that isn’t even about me can completely tank my mood and send me into a downward spiral that means nothing productive is getting done that day.

Which of your scars has the best story behind it? - I think 99.9% of my scars are left over cat scratches.  I think you can still kind of see the spot on my knee where I fell off a moving truck when I was a teenager, but only barely.

11. What is the title of this chapter in your life story? - Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig

WTF Now What?

If you play video games what’s your favorite, console, PC, or both? Console, totally.  I’ll play on PC if I can’t get the game on xbox easily, but it’s not ideal  I might like it better if I had a mouse

What fictional character is most like you? I have, more than once, been told that I am about equal parts Charlie Bradbury and Meg Masters (by role play partners, friends, and once...my mother).  These have been the greatest compliments I have ever received.  

Who’s your favorite fictional villain and why? Meg.  We so do not have time to talk about all the reasons she is my favorite, so I’ll sum up: She came into my life in a time when I really needed her.  In the last year of the “terrible times” I found myself repeatedly saying to myself “what would Meg do.”  Thanks to her, I was out of that situation within 6 months of finding her.

What’s your worst pet peeve? Stupid, lazy, entitled people.  Working in customer service...I get a lot of them.

If you could choose a celebrity to be stuck in an elevator with for 3 hours, who would it be? Misha Collins

If you could transform into an animal at will, which would you choose? Cat

If you could go anywhere in the world, safely and free of charge, where would you go? I think you mean where would I go FIRST because damn.  I love to travel more anything else in life.  Probably Arizona.  Just...the whole of it.  There are so many things in that state I want to see, I’d love to just take an extended road trip.

What superpower would you want if you could have one? The ability to heal people.  It’s always been what I wanted when asked this question.  I just think it would be a really good thing if I could walk into a children’s cancer ward and leave it empty of patients, you know?

If you could trade places with someone for a day and live their life, who would you be? It was very tempting to say “Vicki Vanosh” because that’s Misha’s wife but...I do not want to raise his kids even for a day, they are in the terror age.  So I guess maybe...Some random college kid, taking a road trip by herself down route 66 just to prove she can.  I’ll take her place for a day.

What’s your dream job if you could do anything you wanted and be paid well? I’d be a writer.

If you could redo one event in your life, what would it be? I would never have started dating the ex.

[kapuchino357]

TimmyxMissy and/or ChloexMissy?

wait wha- Ooh, okay so i had no idea i had that queued but, lets go :D

Send me a ship and I’ll tell you

TimMissWho accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versaBoth of them, but Timmy’s a more frequent offender when he’s With Missy. He likes keeping his attention focused on her and forgets doors really existWho doodles little hearts all over the desk with their initials inside themTimmy does this all the time, and gets dirty looks from school faculty. Missy has notebooks for that kind of thing but she’s a frequent offender tooWho starts the tickle fightsTimmy again, mostly to prove that she’s more ticklish than she lets on (she likes to say that she isn’t).When Missy does it’s to cheer him up or wake him upWho starts the pillow fightsMissy! Usually when tickling doesn’t make him get out of bed, but mostly on the rare occasions when he doesn’t have his undivided attention on her and she’s BoredWho falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smileTimmy does. Sleeping isn’t exactly his thing even on his better days and she’s just so gosh darn pretty to look at!!Who mistakes salt for sugarMissy, and that’s how they end up with the weirdest salads on the table. The kitchen is the one place where Timmy’s confident he knows what he’s doing and can mostly back it upWho lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1am in the morningTimmy turns it on and forgets that he did. Missy absolutely refuses to use the darn thingWho comes up with cheesy pick up linesTimmy’s a try hard with flirting, lucky Missy adores that about himWho rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical orderNeither one of them. They have a very small one in the living room and it’s constantly a mess because no one pays attention to order. Sometimes they try to arrange them by color but it never lastsWho licks the spoon when they’re baking browniesTimmy has a habit of leaving the spoon in his mouth when he’s cooking anything and ends up dropping it into what he’s doing when he tries to talk so Missy makes it a habit to steal it from him at every opportunityThey give all the left-over dough to the kids when those eventually come alongWho buys candles for dinners even though there’s no special occasionMissy likes the scent and aesthetic of candles a lot and has them all over the house, so Timmy goes out of his way when he notices her stash getting smallerWho draws little tattoos on the other with a penBecause she likes having him draw on her skin, Timmy learns to doodle the prettiest flowers on it Missy gets them permanently tattooed on her when she likes them enoughWho comes home with a new souvenir magnet every time they go on vacationTimmy does this sometimes, but more often it’s after children enter the picture. They both mostly like dangly souvenirs they can either wear or decorate parts of the house other than the fridge withWho convinces the other to fill out those couple surveys in the back of magazinesTimmy, when he’s bored enough. Chloe gets him into those and although Missy doesn’t much see the point, she enjoys any activity he offers. He likes to make fun of the answers.

ChloeMissWho accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versaMissy, out of pure absent-mindedness. Chloe does it every once in a while too but you’ll never get her to admit itWho doodles little hearts all over the desk with their initials inside themMissy, albeit she usually keeps it in the corners of her notebooks. Chloe is too hyper-focused on school work to let her mind wander like thatWho starts the tickle fights/pillow fightsThese usually mean that they’re either pulling an all-nighter or Chloe needs to be snapped out of focusing on one thing in specific that isn’t Missy. Missy is always the instigator, Chloe always ends up on top of herWho falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smileChloe. Sleeping never comes easy but she always feels good watching Missy do itWho mistakes salt for sugarChloe more than Missy, and Timmy warns them not to leave her in the kitchen unsupervised. Luckily, both of them enjoy the weird things they end up with.Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1am in the morningThey don’t use a microwave. The last time they tried to, Timmy had to buy a new oneWho comes up with cheesy pick up linesChloe is the self proclaimed Queen of Puns, lucky Missy loves itWho rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical orderChloe does this with everything. The entire house is neatly organised and Missy sometimes worries about where she’s supposed to put something because she frequently forgets where she took it fromWho licks the spoon when they’re baking browniesMissy, when she’s the one who cooks, and when she manages to snatch the spoon up before Chloe drops it in the sink. Who buys candles for dinners even though there’s no special occasionBoth of them adore the aesthetic, but Chloe’s the one who remembers to buy more before they run out.Who draws little tattoos on the other with a penMissy plays connect the dots with Chloe’s freckles when she canWho comes home with a new souvenir magnet every time they go on vacationChloe adores those and never misses a chance. Their fridge ends up with pictures from all over the world since she travels a bunchWho convinces the other to fill out those couple surveys in the back of magazinesChloe loves those. Missy’s just glad she doesn’t take them seriously enough to worry her.

[curiouskarenscapers2017]

Vol 2. Sep 2017

My 3 days off was absolute bliss. Think I caught up on all my lost sleep along the way. I experimented with some food stuffs I discovered and with cooking my own dishes with what was available. Totally different lifestyle than at home in SA. I could feel the kg’s melt away as I embarked on my mostly vegetarian eating habits with limited access to any western sauces and fried food. All clean eating, mostly in soups with fresh veggies and minimal meat. Spices make up for most of that and I easily adjusted.

Found these little parcels and actually remembered them from Taiwan. So I was brave enough to cook them as instructed in Chinese on the vacuum packed wrapping. Maybe could have steamed them a bit more but they turned out a treat. A gooey sticky rice around a sweet meat in the middle. Couldn’t make out whether it was actually meat in the middle or not, but the more I scrutinised my photo’s the more I’m convinced it was.

Anyway, I’m still alive and it was tasty. I settled into the school routine and started classes and demo’s like I mentioned before. So a demo class is more like a show class for the parents to see what the teaching is like with a foreign teacher but also whether the kid enjoys it and could actually attend the school. We as teachers also assess the kids English ability and level while playing with them and asking them what certain flashcard pictures are. My initial classes were quite daunting as one adjusts to the children but also the unfamiliar books and ways of teaching. Our lesson plans made up daily for the next class becomes a focus point as your time runs out and the classes follow one after the other with scarce 10 minutes in between which included a feedback session with the parents telling them what the kids learnt in the lesson….or not! BUT…like everything one gets used to the way things are done and you adjust. Doing lesson plans more in advance in off-times or allocated lesson planning times. I’ll survive…and like Lionel, my fiance, said, you’re not teaching a CEO of a company or training managers like I used to. That immediately calmed me down, all will be just fine. hahahahaha.

So as I was sitting at my fancy table in my living room in front of my TV with only 14 channels of either traditional hidden dragons and flying tigers with a monkey king thrown in or soapies or military soapies or sport where china is the focus or participating in with the occasional news I would watch to see the natural disasters of the world and then more 90% China news, I noticed that my table actually had a warmer in the middle, like the hot pot restaurants. Soo cool! Must have cost a small fortune. It has a display on the side to adjust and a fancy built in copper floor plug.

Thanks goodness while the US open tennis was on I could check  some of the main games at the weirdest times. And they would just stop broadcasting the game at a specific time whether it was done or not to go back to the games China was taking part in to show weight lifting while the tennis was a set from a nail biting finish! aaaarrrgghhhhh!

Must say while I had TV it was interesting to see some historical information they had in a particular show every now and then about the world wars and what they have achieved. They’re a culture that’s quite hard on themselves and their failures but there’s always hope and they always pull through and go the extra mile to make sure they achieve their goal set for them by their authorities, sacrificing much for the greater good.

As you stay here and live among the people you see how communism or socialism works and where it doesn’t. One area where it does work very well is everything is for everybody. No one begs on the street or no old people look destitute. Everybody can cope and is looked after to an acceptable level. The country is continually improving social structures and infrastructure. They’re worse than Dubai. Construction everywhere. High rises of 50+ floors everywhere being built to house the hordes. Amazing. It’s like a living breathing organism. They must be concrete/cement and blasting experts by now! I hear it daily and even hourly from my flat as they construct the railway. It sounds like firecrackers at times! and some times it is….hahahaha.

Thank goodness I found a cheap local wine that actualy doesn’t taste that bad….or maybe I’m just desperate…who cares.

It’s Mid-Autumn moon festival time. Much like Christmas for the Chinese in importance and we’ll be having a week of holidays 1st week in October. Looking forward to some relaxing then as I’m financially still a bit strained to be going anywhere for holidays. I’ll be patient…not yet not yet!

In all the stores the mooncakes are appearing and being handed out as gifts. Also teachers day is approaching and I’ve been getting some prezzies from the kids and mothers….hahahaha didn’t expect that! Flowers, a little packet of something and a dark toblerone! Yes! real chocolate!

The people also placed candles everywhere, this one was near our apartments and apparently it’s for the ancestral spirits.

Bit of a fire hazard if you ask me. Unsupervised open flame in a bush near an apartment block. Anyway, the ancestors were obviously appeased and we’re ok.

Some beautiful sunsets have been happening as the weather started getting slightly cooler, by a degree.

This is on top of the building opposite me. A few other apartment blocks have these little pagoda’s on top but very little temples around the city. I’ll have to go outside to find them.

Went walking around to my favourite mall in town and came accross the Holiland bakery at the entrance to my supermarket. Oh my word, and were they good! Only bought one donut! They know how to bake!’

  I treated myself to a coffee at a cute coffee shop called Cafe bene. They just couldn’t understand my order. i wanted an Americano with hot milk…got a black Americano, no worries, I can do that too.. Same at Starbucks. I’ll have to work on my ordering skills.

The decor was so cute and detailed. Look at the lights at the back, little doves, or birds in it.

My favourite supermarket was a must for some supplies. The display in the middle is all moon-cakes. Every cake is individually wrapped with decadent boxes and wrappings.

I was craving some fresh fruit and bought some grapes and peaches. Grapes everywhere. The bunch I got I could make a good bottle of pinotage from, they were huge and heavy, tightly bunched. Crazy, it looked plastic and weighed over 1kg.

I also indulged in a sushi platter for dinner at a third of our prices at home!

    The fridge was looking much better!!!

The week rushed passed and we were working a bit late at school one evening and Aya, who is my teacher’s adviser, asked me to go with her to get some dinner at the a place below the school before I go home, I was starving  and didn’t know what I wanted, so she suggested the duck, I said why not! and received my food.

It was way too much for me

The boys , Alex and John, were craving pizza from a real Italian chef/restaurant and we decided it was time to go after having to postpone before. We got in a taxi with Rowan a new English teacher and her boyfriend grant and off we went.

  We arrived at a mall we have not been to before and with much excitement we looked for the restaurant. Due to renovations they had moved it to a floor on a food court level, thank goodness it was still here. We arrived and was sat down and soon visited by the Italian chef himself Simone. He was so pleased to meet us and see Alex again. The boys went to go and buy alcohol at a shop in the mall while we perused through the menu. My mouth was watering! It read like a proper Italian restaurant menu.

Simone was so grateful to us being there that he made us a foccacia on the house. He was so surprised that I knew what a foccacia was that he kept on chatting to us throughout the night about the foods and ingredients. I ordered a fritta. A foldover pizza deep fried…yeah!!!! It was divine!! As was the rest of the food. Cold meats and bread sticks. We’ll definitely be back. And homemade ice cream on the way out.

Some of the other restaurants also looked inviting

As we explored the mall we found this awesome figurine store closing up but got some pictures in before we left! Look at the prices, but also the quality of them.

Amazing!

As we left the mall there was dancing going on outside in the square. Apparently it’s a thing these days and people dance in groups, bit of a line dancing affair and coordinated dancing typically instructed by a lady with her radio and music. Sounds very festive but tonight we had two groups going at the same time.

This mall also had a McDonalds and a Starbucks. We’ll definitely be back.

What a night, we then proceeded to walk the streets for quite sometime before eventually getting a taxi back! We were so tired and Alex wanted to go out somewhere, I think all were so tired that after looking for transport for over an hour we eventually took a black taxi just to go home. Thank goodness we were all together in this one! The car barely moved past 10km/h and struggled up hill. I had visions of us being stranded in the middle of nowhere with the overly friendly taxi driver. The guy turned out to be a UN soldier in his younger years so he could speak English and was facinated by us. Too facinated. He had a laugh that sounded like there was something not quote right with him. Like a low continuous chuckle. Never the less, we eventually got home safely and couldn’t get out of the car quick enough.

I was dead and passed out soon after in my cozy bed in my own flat. I was off the next two days so I definitely would be sleeping late.

So my next adventure was taking a bus ride into town for the first time. After making doubly sure which bus to take I was ready with my 2Y = R4 instead of the R100 a taxi charges me to go downtown to our head office in the city. Slight drawback, the trip might take over an hour and is usually busy so standing room most of the time….I can deal. Luckily the bus stop is not far from the school in our main road.

I waited a while and the bus arrived no. 237. It was great seeing different parts of the city and eventually being dropped off at my other favourite mall. Estee.

When the training finished about 2 hours later I walked a round a bit next to the river before catching the next 237 back to Jinyang.

The city is so green and a pleasure to walk in. As I walked I noticed that in a slight clearing behind the trees on the side of the pavement were seating places and older gentleman were hanging up something in the trees and walking from one tree to the next discussing something. As I came closer I realised they were putting birdcages in the trees and on closer inspection I found this type of bird in these cages. I’ve actually seen people carry what looked like a birdcage covered on blue cloth around and never thought much of it. Today all was revealed. It was a type of minah bird. We have them in south africa but with black, brown and white colouring and yellow beaks and colouring around the eyes, here they are a light brown with powder blue around the eyes and they sing beautifully.

It seemed like a daily routine still don’t exactly know what they discuss or whether they actually sell the birds. Very interesting.

I got back to school just before it started raining. The weather has been changing quite a bit lately, more wind and more rain.

Had my first bacon and egg breakfast this week! Smithfield is a brand they have here that is the closest thing to bacon and very nice I might add, only thing is it cooks away to nothing! Clever!

I made extra and ate it for dinner too!! Hahahaha…you can never have too much breakfast!

Louis offered me his bike to buy and I jumped at the opportunity to get around on my own but it turned out to be too small for me (legs too long) and a rip off of another well-known brand , Giant, which then resulted in the quality not being that good. Sadly I had to give it back! I was soo disappointed.

Next time! I’ll check the real thing’s prices and let you know, who wants one!

I took a photo of the school below me when the kids were doing their physical exercise to a cool country style song with shakers in their hands. It sounds so cool. I did take a video as well and will place it on the blog. They are so coordinated.

video

Also found my new favourite less fattening food ever! Shao Main, little noodles. It’s divine, they actually have eucalyptus tasting flavour in it that refreshes your pallet. For only 9Y = R18

One day when I arrived at my flat there was a guy delivering water bottles to our apartments, I thought nothing of it and the next minute when OI was in my flat my doorbell rang. I let him up and the poor guy carried a full 10-20lt water bottle up 4 flights. I thought Jerry from the school finally sorted me out with water a I have a cooler in the house that takes these bottles. He placed it and then asked for 15Y. I gladly paid him and then he wrote out a receipt for 50Y. I eventually understood it to be the deposit for the bottle. Hahahahaha so back at the school I thanked Jerry for organising and she said sorry but she hasn’t! hahahaha so I don’t know if the guy supplied the previous owner or if he just had a spare bottle and took the chance!! Either way I got my water that I have wanted since I’ve moved in. The other thing was that I didn’t have money on me at the time. I had the 15 but not the 50. Wechat is amazing. He just created the 50Y code on his phone and I scanned it with my wechat and it went off my account and he was paid. What a pleasure. The benefits of we-chat is seriously out weighing whatsapp. 🙂

Just as well I got the water because next week is heritage day and our braai day we have been organising follows on the Tuesday because we all work on Saturdays and Sundays. Yeah, organising meat, salads and drinks and I’m getting my housewarming wines from Justin and John. We’re combining the two events.

The day arrives much to everybody’s delight. A much needed letting our hair down event. Pan from school lent us his braai and John and I walked to TP mall to look for charcoal and fire lighters. Quite the challenge for a nation that doesn’t braai/bbq. BUT thanx to translators and Chinese friends at our beck and call we found it in the picnic section. Yes in a box not a bag. We took two.

We were ready!

photo 3

Yes, firelighters. Interesting little things these although just didn’t spark for long enough to get things going, we improvised along the way with supplements.

And the party started!

We then moved to downtown to a new bar called YOLO, you only live once for more partying.

It was great going out for the first time and experiencing different places.

Somehow Sambuca always ends up at the forefront!!! The hubbly Bubbly’s (Hookah) were beautiful. Fruit in the water gave them different flavours. They just looked so eerie. Beautiful bottles.

So after a while here we moved to Uptown the pub Justin took me in the beginning. By now I was tired and we started losing people left right and centre. And I didn’t stay long before I got a taxi home with May’s help at 1am and thank goodness he dropped me off at my apartment, I didn’t have to climb the mountain after all that! I just gave my very messed up flat a glance and said, I’ll deal with you tomorrow…or later.

Next month it’s holiday and my b’day!!! Lert’s see what happens.

Guiyang Gazette Vol 2. Sep 2017 My 3 days off was absolute bliss. Think I caught up on all my lost sleep along the way.