#they fucking nail the vibe jesus christ

[thisfuckingdork]

Been thinking about how eerily similar Echo from Echo vn was to where I grew up and wanted to talk about without straight up doxxing myself so here's my attempt at that.

This game is either well researched or unfortunately autobiographic because damn, Echo hits HARD when you're fucking from there.

[blee-bleep]

her casual fit...... it does things to me....

inspo

[mamachi]

[steviewashere]

They Were Roommates!

Rating: Mature CW: None Relationships: Steve/Eddie, Steve & Robin, Eddie & Robin, Eddie & Chrissy, Robin/Chrissy Tags: Alternate Universe — Modern Setting, Texting, Dialogue Only, Text Fic, Humor, Sexual Humor, Bad Flirting, Mild Angst, Stardew Valley References, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington is a Little Shit, Eddie Munson is a Little Shit, Robin Buckley is a Little Shit, Chrissy Cunningham is a Sweetheart, Alternate Universe — Roommates/Housemates, Robin Buckley is a Chappell Roan Fan, Steve Harrington is Chronically Offline, Eddie Munson is Chronically Online, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Gay Disaster Eddie Munson, Alternate Universe — No Upside Down, Alternate Universe — No Supernatural Elements, Neurodivergent Steve Harrington, Neurodivergent Eddie Munson, Neurodivergent Robin Buckley Originally posted here on AO3, but I felt it was time to bring it over to Tumblr. Lots of sexual jokes in here, I'm sorry lol

📱—————📱

Steve: Do you wanna hang out in my room? I could rent that new Kristen Stewart movie.

Robin: Can’t. I’m being gay and listening to music.

Steve: …what?

Robin: I’m being gay and listening to music.

Steve: You’re…??? I don’t understand.

Robin: Chappell Roan.

Steve: ? Who?

Robin: Chappell Roan. The singer. The lesbian icon. Chappell Roan.

Seen 2h ago

——— Eddie: hey

Steve: Hey? Aren’t you driving? Why are you texting me?

Eddie: yeah, about that

Eddie: I was driving home and I guess I ran over a nail?? or maybe a sharp stick or something? I dunno but now I have a flat tire and I need to be picked up

Steve: You don’t have a spare? Shouldn’t you carry one for a van like that?

Eddie: steve.

Steve: Eddie.

Eddie: what makes you think somebody like me has a spare tire?? I don’t even have a modern radio in this fuckass van why would I have a spare tire

Steve: So that you don’t get in situations like this? Forget the spare tire. Where are you? I’ll come get you.

Eddie: I’m uhhhh……at Walmart in the parking lot

Eddie: I got something for your birthday so you cant look inside of my bag

Eddie: god, this shit is a pain in the ass

Eddie: this would’ve never happened if harambe didn’t die

Steve: Who?

Eddie: you’re joking. steve, tell me you’re joking and that you know who harambe is.

Steve: Was he a friend of yours?

Eddie: holy shit. you don’t know who harambe is. what the hell were you doing in 2016

Steve: 🙄 

Steve: Can you just tell me so that I can pick you up and we can have dinner?

Eddie: you’re gonna have to sit down for this

Eddie: basically, harambe was this gorilla in the……cincinnati zoo, I think?? anyway he was this gorilla that was just sorta vibing in his enclosure and then this little boy fell in

Steve: Oh my god. Is the boy okay?

Eddie: oh, the boy is totally fine

Eddie: the zoo killed the gorilla tho

Seen just now

Eddie: steve? hello?

Steve: They killed the gorilla? Did the gorilla even do anything?

Eddie: nope

Steve: So they just killed an innocent gorilla?

Eddie: yeah

Eddie: they thought he’d kill the kid

Seen just now

Eddie: soooo….u on ur way?

Eddie: steve?

Eddie: steeeeveeeeee

Steve: Hold on, dude.

Eddie: I can order an uber

Steve: Just give me a fucking second. I’m crying in the middle of our apartment’s courtyard, Jesus Christ.

Steve: A little boy just asked if I was okay and I had to tell him that some zoo killed a gorilla and now he’s crying with me.

Steve: You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.

Eddie: ???

Eddie: we sleep in separate beds. in separate rooms.

Steve: Couch.

Eddie: ….fine, m’lord. sorry.

——— Robin: why did you tell him about Harambe?

Eddie: he asked!

Robin: he. won’t. stop. using. my. computer.

Robin: even when I get it back, there’s like five tabs in my history about that fucking gorilla.

Robin: wait. hold on.

Eddie: oh, god. Is he crying again?

Eddie: I’m already at the store. I’ll get him a tub of that mudslide ice cream and uhhh…do you think he likes red or white roses??

Eddie: there’s a sale on those big Reese’s easter eggs….I’ll get him a few of those

Eddie: do you think it’s too much to get him balloons…

Eddie: robin? hello? why do you guys just stop responding?

Robin: dude. he reads People magazine. like…

Robin sent a photo

Robin: that’s his inbox, dude. he left himself logged in and there’s like fifty of these People emails.

Eddie: robs, don’t kick a guy while he’s down

Eddie: that’s poopy :(

Robin: you’re the reason he’s feeling so shitty! suck his dick or something, fuckhead. that might make him feel better

Eddie: yeah? you think?

Eddie: doesn’t he use flavored condoms though? 

Eddie: mmmm…strawberry dick

Robin: HE BOUGH CHAPPELL ROAN TICKETS??? THE BASTARD

Robin: he doesn’t even know who she is…

Robin: also

Robin: please don’t send me “mmmm….strawberry dick” ever again.

Eddie: sto psnooping and i won’t do that

Robin: …no

Eddie: get ready for me to suck your best friend���s dick, then. I got him three of those Reese’s eggs, a tub of ice cream, a bouquet of white roses, and Walmart’s finest boxed wine.

Eddie: he’ll forget about his woes with ye olde harambe

Eddie: cuz he’ll only think of my name, motherfucker

Seen just now

Robin: I hate u

Eddie: eat my farts

Robin: 🖕

Eddie: I love you too, robs

Robin: get me sprite please.

Robin: and pads ultra absorbent in the orange wrapper.

Eddie: will do with haste, m’lady

Eddie: got you a new bottle of midol and a large chewy nerds rope

Robin: thank you

Robin: just don’t tell me when you suck his dick, that’s all I ask

Eddie: I make no promises.

Seen just now

——— Steve: Why is there like five Reese’s eggs sitting on my bedspread right now?

Eddie: I’m apologizing

Steve: For?

Steve: Wait…Is this about that gorilla? Dude, don’t worry about that. You could’ve told me that it happened eight years ago.

Eddie: oh thank god

Eddie: robin keeps encountering me in the kitchen in the middle of the night with her scary lesbian aura and the eyes sharp enuf to kill a man

Eddie: I got you ice cream and flowers, too did you see them ????

Seen 3m ago

Steve: When are you coming home?

Eddie: uhhhhh

Eddie: like two hours my shift here should be done by then if my dickwad of a manager lets me out on time

Eddie: fucker might ask me to stay back tho because the closers can’t do their jobs

Eddie: why?

Steve: I need to eat your love straight out of your asshole.

Eddie: Jesus

Eddie: …

Eddie: damnit Steve, now I’m fully erect in the walk-in

Steve: You can’t come home now?

Eddie: no sweetheart I can’t

Seen 5m ago

Steve: I put your pillows on my bed. If you don’t fuck me into next Sunday when you come back, I’ll tell Robin you’re the reason our couch has a huge stain on it.

Eddie: mmm

Eddie: you drive a hard bargain but…ok.

Steve: Really? You’re easy to convince.

Eddie: you kidding me? I’ve been wanting you in bed with me since the day I met you, pretty boy

Eddie: im fucking over the moon right now that my proposition worked

Steve: If you call it “propositioning” one more time, Robin will know about the couch.

Eddie: okay fine, I’m not propositioning

Eddie: I’m rizzing you up

Steve: What does that mean?

Eddie: you’re so offline and it’s doing things to me

Eddie: charming. I’m charming u

Eddie: you’re my favorite old person.

Steve: ?

Steve: I’m twenty-three.

Eddie: whatever you say, peepaw

Eddie: I gotta go have to take care of this massive hard-on you gave me. can’t wash dishes like this

Steve: Yeah? We should put that to the test.

Eddie: and I’m the freak ??

Seen just now

——— Robin has created a group chat with two other people

Robin: the next time you guys resolve the issues you two idiots create for each other, can you let me know ahead of time? you’re lucky I didn’t bring Chrissy home with me from class.

Eddie: I don’t know what you’re talking about nothing happened

Robin: I thought somebody brought home a girl, but it was just Steve.

Steve: Do I sound like a pretty girl at least?

Robin: the prettiest, but seriously. 

Robin: I don’t need to hear you guys getting it on while I’m trying to eat my after school taco.

Eddie: don’t you need Chrissy for that ??

Robin: I’m going to put nair in your shampoo.

Steve liked a message: "the prettiest, but seriously."

Steve: I’m ordering pizza. You guys want cheesy bread?

Robin: Yes!

Eddie: plz? With the garlic dip too 🥺 ??

Steve liked a message: "plz? with the garlic dip too 🥺 ??"

Robin: you text like a bottom

Steve: Trust me, he’s not. ;)

Robin: uggghhhhh!! I’m so proud of you two but also go fuck yourselves, you turds

Eddie: with pleasure

Eddie: robs, steve and I are gonna have sex before the pizza gets here

Robin: you two are insufferable.

Robin: I’m gonna sit on the porch and call my girlfriend. before I implode.

Delivered 10m ago

Robin: Chrissy says congratulations.

Delivered 2m ago

——— Eddie: robs, I’m about to have birthday sex with Steve

Eddie: put your headphones on

Robin: he opened that game you got him and immediately needed to do it? Jesus

Eddie: about to get me a slice of that birthday cake if you know what I mean

Robin: please just shut up.

——— Robin: Eddie.

Eddie: ? wut

Robin: you need to tell your boyfriend that he can’t use voice to text when you two are flirting

Robin: I was on the phone with my fucking gyno’s office and I could hear him through the other room say

Robin: and I quote

Robin: “I’m going to ravish that perky ass of yours.”

Robin: my gyno asked me if I was busy, Edward. busy having buttsex with my platonic soulmate. I was humiliated.

Robin: I need you to have a convo with him or something.

Eddie: u should buy earplugs

Robin: I WAS ON THE PHONE, EDWARD

Robin: ON THE PHONE WITH MY VAGINA DOCTOR

Robin: IT WAS EMBARRASSING FOR EVERYBODY INVOLVED

Eddie: but he’s such a slow typer

Eddie: it’s literally like watching my uncle try and use his phone

Eddie: but fine.

Eddie: I’ll make him play that game I got him or something instead of text me

Robin: fucking thank you

Robin: and stop leaving your dildo in the bathtub

Eddie: wut dildo ?? I don’t own a dildo

Robin: …

Robin: I’m gonna wring his neck, brb

Eddie: he’s using a dick that isn’t mine ?? :(

Delivered 10m ago

——— Steve: If I can’t use voice to text to flirt, then you shouldn’t be able to have loud phone sex with Chrissy, Robs.

Robin: …no comment

Eddie: are u having loud phone sex with MY platonic soulmate ??

Eddie: bro…

Robin: she told me my trumpet tounging skills were good and that she couldn’t stop thinking about them

Robin: 😔 so I got horny with it, I’m sorry

Eddie: birdie getting horny on main ?? with a praise kink of all things ??

Steve: Hey, I take offense to that. You praise me all the time.

Eddie reacted to a message: "Hey, I take offense to that. You praise me all the time."

Eddie: sorry sweetheart, ’twas only in jest

Robin: I thought Stevie was listening to music while playing his farm game! I didn’t think he could hear me!

Eddie: tsk tsk

Robin: I’m going to Chrissy’s. and turning my notifs off.

Eddie: where does she live ??

Robin: what? you’ve been to her parent’s house

Eddie: in pound town ?!!

Eddie: oh that… that sent too l8

Steve: Eddie, can you come back from your uncle’s? I started playing Stardew Valley this morning and I’m at a point where I need to find the mayor’s shorts. I don’t know where they are.

Steve: Never mind. Got them.

Steve: Why were they in Marnie’s room?

Eddie: steve… baby …

Steve: ?

Eddie: they were having crazy sex animal style

Seen just now

Steve disliked a message: "they were having crazy sex animal style"

Steve: When are you going to stop being on the internet? It’s fundamentally changed something in you that I don’t think can ever be reverted.

Eddie: that would be whimsy, m’lord

Eddie: and childlike wonder

Robin: can you guys get a room? I’m trying to drive and my stupid car play keeps reading out your text messages.

Steve: Why won’t this character leave his bedroom? Is he Eddie?

Eddie: … ur so feisty today

Steve: Feisty for you.

Robin: GET A ROOM, YOU FREAKS

Delivered just now

——— Robin: I just got home and Steve’s in the exact same spot on the couch that I left him in at like noon. it’s six.

Eddie: is he seriously still on that game I got him ??

Robin: the farm game, right? otherwise, he bought a new game while I was gone

Eddie: yeh. he mentioned it like once and I thought it wood be nice for his birthday but now I’m regretting my choices

Robin: I just peeked my head into the living room and he’s currently feeding chickens on the big screen and cooing at them as if they’re real. I don’t think we’re gonna be watching Chopped tonight.

Eddie: 😔 that’s my favorite part of our dinners tho

Robin: it’s your fault. he’s been on there since like eight this morning.

Robin: I heard him yelling about some bitch named Pierre because he couldn’t buy seeds. I thought this was supposed to be a relaxing game??

Eddie: it usually is but you know Steve

Eddie: he rages over like every game

Eddie: I just thought it would be a change of pace from that match three game he keeps getting himself sucked into

Robin: mmm…that royal match one, right? he keeps sending me invites. think he’s on like level 560.

Eddie: how ?? he started playing that two days ago

Robin: pattern recognition.

Eddie: ahhh yeahhh pattern recognition

Eddie: the reason why every horror movie marathon ends up boring for him

Eddie: he figured out the killers in the new scream movies within the first ten minutes

Robin: he’s yelling about someone named marnie?? he needs to buy hay but can’t get it. I might need you to come back from your uncle’s and convince him to put the controller down.

Eddie: no, marnie can go fuck herself. she’s having an affair with the mayor and putting everybody’s animals in jeopardy.

Robin: so much rage and gossip for a game about farming.

Seen just now

Robin: Eddie, he’s making kissy noises at an NPC and telling him that he’s gonna capture all the frogs in the world.

Robin: should I be worried?

Eddie: nah, just let him be at least this is giving him something to do

Eddie: he’s been having a pretty bummer week

Eddie: had a phone call with his parents. didn’t end well.

Robin: ah, okay. will you pick up our normal pizza order on your way back?? I’m not in the mood to cook tonight.

Eddie: yeh, sure

Robin: remind me to send you money on Venmo.

Robin: I’m gonna get him to info dump.

Robin: maybe I’ll start playing with you guys, too.

Eddie: don’t worry about the Venmo thing. but I am going to force you to play. think you’ll love it.

Eddie: although, then I’ll have to deal with two Stardew addicts

Eddie: oh well, be home soon

Seen 2m ago

——— Robin: can Chrissy live with us?

Eddie: I don’t see a problem with it, homie

Steve: Yeah, I don’t see why not.

Steve: Is everything okay though? Does she need a place to stay right now?

Robin: everything’s fine, Stevie. don’t need to worry

Robin: I just want her with me and as much as I love you guys, I’m tired of being the only woman in the apartment

Robin: and being the only level-headed one

Robin: but mainly because I want to cuddle my girlfriend every night

Steve: Yeah, sure.

Eddie: fuck yeah

Eddie: two pairs of best friend chaos

Eddie: surely this will go well

Robin added a person to the group

Chrissy: Hey guys!!

Eddie: Chrissy, my love my light my world

Eddie: you’re going to regret everything

Steve emphasized a message: "Chrissy, my love my light my world"

Steve: I thought I was that?

Eddie: you’re my moon, stars, and galaxy

Eddie: you’re the universe

Steve: Hehe, really?

Robin: hey chris, this is how they are please get used to it because they’ve been driving me insane for months now

Chrissy: I think it’s cute! 💕

Chrissy: I should add them in the Sims!!

Steve: What’s that?

Robin: oh no

Eddie: Chrissy, don’t do it don’t tell him

Chrissy: Oh, it’s this game where you can make characters and build them a house and basically guide their lives. It’s really cool, Steve!

Chrissy: You should play it!

Steve: Is it fun?

Chrissy: Oh my god, yeah! You can make anybody and literally do anything. 

Chrissy: Like think of all the people you hate.

Chrissy: You can make them and kill them and make them suffer and it doesn’t actually harm anybody in real life, it’s great! 💕

Robin: Chrissy

Chrissy: Yes, love?

Robin: he just disappeared into the home office.

Eddie: somebody needs to take his card away from him like right now

Robin: too late. I just heard the music start up.

Eddie: Chrissy, I love you to bits and pieces but I think you’ve successfully indoctrinated a new monster

Steve: I can fine tune the genders of these guys.

Steve: I’m making a dog and his name is going to be Peanut.

Steve: This game is wonderful.

Delivered 30m ago

Steve: Eddie’s pregnant and the kitchen is on fire.

Eddie: wut how it’s been half an hour

Eddie: why am I pregnant

Eddie: steve, what did you do

Steve: 😏

Steve: You know what I did.

Eddie: Steve. I’m coming home early from my trip at Wayne’s. but I need you to answer when I call you. I can’t be horny in here.

Robin: You guys are disgusting. Chrissy, what have you done?

Chrissy: Robin, we’re getting married in the Sims.

Robin: I luv you 💕

Chrissy: Now we’re having sex animal style.

Eddie: I hate that I taught you that.

Steve: We had a son.

Seen just now

Eddie liked a message: "We had a son."

Eddie: name him corn. it would be funny

Seen 5m ago

Eddie: no love for corn boy ?

Steve: Sometimes I wish you would shut up.

Eddie: make me

Steve: I’m gonna be fucking Eddie when he comes home in like thirty minutes. Don’t come back until I text you.

Robin: I’m staying at Chrissy’s tonight to help her pack. don’t do butt stuff on the couch.

Eddie: I make no promises

Steve liked a message: "I make no promises"

Seen 5m ago

——— Robin: Steve, what’s with the orange envelope on my desk? it’s too ominous for my liking.

Steve: You should open it! :D

Steve: It’s a gift for you and Chris for your guys’ one year!

Robin: CHAPPELL ROAN

Steve: :)

Steve: In New York, too! I found the good flights from Chicago to there and back. I booked you guys a hotel and there’s a whole printed out page of all the good restaurants in the area! And I also have some cash that you guys can use for food and souvenirs and stuff!

Robin: …Steve you beautiful beautiful man thank you

Robin: I’m making your favorite dinner tonight

Steve: Eddie’s reading a book right next to me, though?

Robin: why are you gay

Robin: no bitch. I was talking about a reuben sandwich

Robin: but I guess if you wanna suck cock, then whatever

Steve: Eh. I’ll save it for dessert.

Steve: Also, you don’t have to act surprised about those tickets. I know you looked through my emails.

Steve: You’re literally this motherfucker.

Steve has sent an image

Robin: That’s literally just Snoopy.

Steve: You got this.

Robin: …oh

Robin: maybe don’t subscribe to People magazine and then leave fifteen tabs about harambe open on my laptop

Steve: Blame Eddie.

Robin: Blame Eddie, you’re so right.

——— Eddie: Chrissy, am I being shunned?

Chrissy: Harambe.

Eddie: what?

Steve: The gorilla.

Eddie: not this again

Robin: you have been banished to the shadows for aiding me in my quest to find the Chappell Roan tickets

Eddie: YOURE THE ONE WHO SNOOPED I TOLD YOU NOT TO

Chrissy: Babe…you told me you didn’t.

Sent 10m ago

Robin: I’ve been shunned :(

Eddie: welcum to the club, loser

Robin: I hate you

Eddie: :)

Steve: Eddie’s pregnant again.

Seen just now

Eddie liked a message: "Eddie's pregnant again."

Eddie: plz name it corn this time plzzz

Steve disliked a message: "plz name it corn this time plzzz"

Eddie: I shall avenge you corn boy, for you will not be shunned like your father

Steve: If I stop shunning you and suck your dick, will you be normal?

Eddie: maybe

Steve: Robin, Chrissy. I need you to go to the grocery store for a little bit. I have something to do before I need to go to work and you guys can’t be here.

Robin: you guys are like rabbits when is it hunting season

Steve: Love you too

Robin: Love you more, dingus. Just please stop fucking all the time.

Eddie: how else am I going to be pregnant?

Robin has left the group chat

📱—————📱 I plan on making a part two for this one! Here it is as-is, for now, though.

[prolix-yuy]

Writers' Iron Chef #13: Lovesick

[PROMPT] Patching up a wound

[ADDITIONAL PROMPT] “Why would you put yourself through something like that?”

[TIME LIMIT] Optional, 10 minutes prep. time 30 minutes writing time Optional, 10 minutes editing time

Pairing: Joel Miller x GN!Reader

Rating: M, descriptions of wound care and blood, allusions to dubcon due to drinking and drug use. While this story is not explicit, my blog and the content shared on it is 18+ so MINORS DNI.

Summary: You've been greedy for Joel for too long.

Notes: Written for Writers’ Iron Chef Prompt 13

I've had a Joel story idea bouncing around in my head for several months now, but it's not much more than disconnected scenes and a vibe, you know? I decided to try and exorcise a part with this prompt. This was imspired by a scene in the movie Foe with Saoirse Ronan and Paul Mescal (which was excellent, btw) that got the creative juices flowing.

Thanks to @writersironchef for always giving the best prompts!

The blood that runs into the sink isn’t yours, but it is Joel Miller’s and that’s hardly better.

Laying the needle and scissors beside the sink, you dry your hands on a towel that doesn’t make you feel much cleaner. There’s probably still blood under your nails, half moons of frenzied memories you can look back on when you’re in bed tonight.

“Joel, what the fuck?”

“I need…”

He didn’t have to say much more, and your stomach sours for it. Joel could say he needed you to balance on the edge of a razor and you’d do it just for the fact that he needed you. Pitiful, lovesick, desperate you.

He’d shredded his back coming back into the QZ scrambling away from patrol lights. Tess split off from him, trades to be made and deals best done without her loyal attack dog. So he’d stumbled back to his apartment, stopping just long enough to knock at yours across the hall.

“Jesus Christ, how did you fuck yourself up this badly?”

“FEDRA’s patrolling our usual spots, think they’re onto us…fuck!”

You salved his wounds with apologies as you cleaned grit from long scrapes and worried at the beads of blood that melted across your fingers. The worst was a gash you had to close, infection too present a worry. Hardening your gut, you tried to disassociate how much like sewing leather it felt. Joel bit down on his belt and stuffed his face in a pillow, but fists still slammed on walls around you at his ruckus. 

“I’m done, I’m done, it’s finished.”

“Jesus ‘n Mary, there ain’t much left for you to piece back together at this rate.”

Walking back to the bed, he’s disheveled but alive. He asks for booze, which you find in a high cabinet. He asks for pills, reluctantly revealed to live in a false drawer bottom. You don’t have to say he can trust you with these secrets. Vices were too expensive for you most days. Once he downs both he lays back, injury padded with the cleanest cloths you could find. His breathing hitches, pants in pain, then slows as the drugs and drink take effect. 

And then it’s just you, sitting next to your neighbor as his body releases. 

You should go. Tess would be back any time now and you didn’t want her to see your longing. There are whispers about if Joel is hers, and while you know they belong to each other in a way drenched in darkness, you’ve never been sure if the claim is on their hearts as well. It’s just vague enough of a partnership that when Joel has a good day and shares an extra ration card, your heart flutters. 

But it’s too dangerous. He’s too dangerous, the both of them. You can’t get mixed up in whatever they have going on. Why would you put yourself through something like that?

It’s not the first time he’s come home bloodied, and not the first time you’ve pulled him back together. There’s trust there, but also foolish hope that life could march on and a man could desire you again. Maybe even care for you enough to break teeth and bones. 

A brush against your arm turns you back to Joel, eyes half-lidded but trained hazily on you. One large hand skims over your shoulder, down your arm and lands heavily in your lap. 

“Joel?” you ask, looking down at his thick fingers splayed across your thighs. He hums, low and rumbly as his lips part. 

He’s surely too far gone to know you’re even here. It would be best to slip out unnoticed, talk to Tess tomorrow about checking his injury for infection. 

But you don’t. You’re frozen as the calloused skin of his thumb catches on the worn fibers of your jeans. It’s a caress you haven’t known for years. 

He doesn’t know it’s you.

“Joel,” you say again, and enough courage bolsters you to slide your hand into his palm, the other circling his wrist. He’s so warm, thick-skinned against your fingers. You start to lift from the bed, intending to place his hand where you sat, when it makes a drunken path to cup your chin. Pressure against your jaw turns your face to him spread out on the bed beside you. His chest is bare, light perspiration beading along the cut of his collarbone. He licks his lips slowly, the slip of tongue drawing an ache up from the deepest well. 

“Hey there,” he drawls, and god, you could shatter from it. Tears build in your eyes but you can’t move, his hands drawing you down to him. 

“Joel, it’s…I’m not…” you choke out. It’s a final defense. He’ll hate you tomorrow, but you’ll have said something. His lip quirks, not quite a smile. 

“I know,” he husks before leading your lips to meet his.

You’re not sure he does, but you’re too greedy to say more.

END

[joltai-showa]

okay, so I've been rereading chapters about kid Obito's stay at his insane grandpa's cave of nihilism and misery (this is totally unrelated to the fic I'm writing and in fact exactly how normal people spend their evening, trust me wink wink) and have finally found what I was looking for for what feels like years at this pont: the actual line dividing Obito's body into normal part and artificial part

(don't worry he's fine. don't mind the fact that his right foot appears to yet to be fully regrown. jesus christ.)

anyway it does confirm a few assumptions of mine and yes to those concerned Obito's balls did in fact survive the unexpected date with the boulder, the stitch line is way off his middle part, in particular that Obito's right foot SHOULD be artificial. You know what does that mean in turn? This foot should be white as fuck and look completely different to his left one.

Now here I have a few pressing questions to Kishimoto. I get it, having a foot fetish is hard, keeping it under control is even harder, but WHY THE FUCK is Obito wearing FUCKING SANDALS since the moment he appeared as Tobi?

(yeah, the pic is kinda awkward, but it's the same weird long-white-socks-under-the-sandal thing that everyone in Akatsuki is wearing. Kakuzu is probably having an aneurism every time they get their laundry bills. seriously people why are you doing murder terrorism and travelling in white socks under your shoes. just why.)

Obito, darling, our smartest mastermind and method actor, why are you showing off your discolored feet like that? I know that people in Naruto universe are pretty stupid at times, and your coworkers/subordinates have seen a lot in their lives and generally look weird enough themselves, but anyone, and I mean ANYONE has to spend like three seconds looking down to see that something's very wrong with your body. Why are you doing this?? Is it a requirement for Akatsuki members to wear these sandals?? Does the gang do the vibe check and checks if everyone on the team painted their nails?? Did Deidara and co bully you for not doing your pedicure and now you have to constantly show off your feet in shame??? What is going on with you????

(and to anyone curious yes, in my BSSM au I make a point to mention that Obito is, in fact, wearing actual boots. several times. because whenever I see him in canon prancing around with his feet naked and I'm just sitting with sad Pepe the frog face and thinking "oh my fucking god they've got a completly different skin tone, like one's normal and the other one is three seconds away from starting to sparkle like in twilight, Kishi for god's sake give your main villain some boots")

[postal-ech]

Alright, I need to throw some more shit on here because once again, Metroid has an iron god damn grip on my brain.

If there is something I truly wish nintendo would accept for once in their lives, its bringing in some fan talent to work on metroid - much like how sega has brought on fan talent for sonic.

Because jesus fucking christ, there are some music artists out there that make some genuinely good covers and original tracks.

Take for example, Seregoss - This absolute mad lad makes some high energy remixes of metroid alongside his own tracks for some original projects, and they slap SHIT!

Like this S.E.R.R.I.S remix he's made. holy FUCK IT FUCKS HARD.

Or one of my absolute favorites, SynaMax

He does more than just make original tracks, he has straight up gone into the rabbit hole of finding the source of EVERY SINGLE SYNTH INSTRUMENT EVER USED IN THE PRIME TRILOGY.

NOT ONLY THAT, he has made MANY tracks with this library, and even released the information on the sources to the wide web as well as most of the samples that can be used! Now the downside of course is that he hasn't published ALL of these found samples yet, and I really hope he does, cause god dammit

Metroid Prime has such a unique soundscape that no other franchise has ever managed to captured, even with later metroid games as well, and I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO MAKE MUSIC WITH THIS SHIT.

He nails the vibe, so much so that I wish Retro picked him up to make music for Prime 4 cause god damn, it fits REALLY well.

For those aspiring musical artists out there, sincerely take a gander at the sample library of the Prime Trilogy, this shit needs to spread further out on the internet cause it is CRIMINAL that a lot of these samples had nearly become lost media in their own right.

That also leads me into the second portion of this blog, god fucking dammit I just love the Trilogy's music. I could go on, and on, and ON about my favorite tracks in the entire series - from the Chozo Ruins and Overworld of Prime 1, to fucking EVERYTHING in Prime 2 (Yes, Prime 2 is my favorite despite the keyhunting bullshit, and the music is peak to me), and Prime 3's mix of orchestral instruments alongside those classic synths we've come to know and love.

The highest peak of the trilogy if you ask me is Sanctuary Fortress.

No matter what, I always remember the first time reaching that area and hearing that techno-like, harsh yet almost spiritual vibe of the Fortress, and GOD - seeing that skybox on the outline, it always made me wish you could go down there to explore the Luminoth city that was abandoned so long ago, yet remains lit and functional to this day.

Prime 2 if you ask me has the better soundtrack in the trilogy just due to the sheer amount of original tracks, but also torvus bog and the flooded temple area too, its just too god damn good.

God, I really hope Prime 4 keeps to the tradition of god tier music, and reincorporates some of the instrumentals that the trilogy is known for.

[irisbleufic]

We had tickets to see Hadestown both last night and this afternoon in Albuquerque because the seats were so fucking affordable, like…we got 2 performances, 2 seats each, for what it would cost in any other city to see it just once. Absolutely bonkers.

Last night’s show? Electrifying in a way that the cast combination we saw in Fort Worth (the first time we saw it) just wasn’t. Amaya Braganza (Eurydice), Daniel Tracht (Orpheus), Lana Gordon (Persephone), Matthew Patrick Quinn (Hades), and Will Mann (Hermes) nailed it. 20/10, no notes. IMO, they were better than the original cast recording in every respect, and better than the Fort Worth cast in most respects (Hades was the same in Fort Worth, but every other principal performer has changed since). I’ll never forget it.

Today’s show, same cast? The fire alarm was pulled less than 10 minutes into the show. The net result was the show effectively starting an hour late, and something happened during intermission where one of the Eurydice understudies had to come on unexpectedly for the remainder of the show. The understudy was still excellent, but man, the fire drill really played havoc with the energy.

Last night’s show might be one of the best live performances of anything I’ve ever seen, though. It’s harder to make me cry with music than it used to be, but last night got to me. Hades and Persephone were both crying silently, but so openly during Epic III that you could see their tears hitting the stage.

(It also made me feel really, really fucking justified in what I wrote in that fusion fic earlier this year, because Jesus Christ. The vibe I was aiming for wasn’t 100% in the Fort Worth performance, but it sure as hell was in last night’s and today’s.)

[a-trick-or-two-with-lepers]

I finally watched Swedish Christ Superstar

Remember how I did a whole deep dive into the 2018 one? Yeah well, I was gonna try to do that with this version, but it is so unbelievably, completely, utterly, insanely unhinged that I just had to have my post about it match the energy. So without further ado, here are my literal first reaction notes to Jesus Christ Superstar (2014 Swedish Arena Tour).

Overture-

• Ooh the stuttering guitar is so metal

• Love the outfits, give me more apocalyptic leather headbanging nonsense

• Love how the choreo goes with the music rather than pure immediate chaos

• Admittedly the orchestra could be a bit better, but not terrible

• The shopping cart is my favorite character

• This feels almost interpretive

• Ok. Jesus is hot

• Draculacore

• Is he orgasming?

• I think that's an appropriate tone to be set

• I will say, I like productions with more color, but I see the style they're going for and I don't dislike it

Heaven on their minds-

• I like how they translated the lyrics to sound good in Swedish

• Also gives extra context and connotation to the words

• Love judas' mesh top!

• Really good singer wow

• This is how the song is supposed to be sung!!!

• I like boys with long hair hehehehe

• Symbolic that jesus is sleeping while judas is trying to get him to listen. Shows how closed off and resigned to his fate he was

• And also how no matter how hard judas tried he would never really be heard

• Painted nails!

• The subtitles said fuck? Lol

• I seriously love this guy's voice

• Oh my god they're so boyfriends

What's the buzz/Strange thing mystifying-

• Jesus is serving so much cunt

• So. Much. Touching.

• AHAHAHAHAGSVSBAZHDVWH THEYRE SO BOYFRIENDS HWWGGA

• Yes Maria feed him that orange

• "A man like him" you mean... 💅?

Everythings alright-

• I really like Mary's voice and look

• Mommy vibes fs

• He's in the shopping cart hhahahaha

• The masculine urge to sleep in a shopping cart while wearing shades

This jesus must die-

• Caiaphas sounds like a toad LMAO

• "It's seduction! It's blasphemy!" -Christians watching this 😭

• Caiaphas saying "STOP" such a jumpscare

• They kept the jesus is cool line and for that this is now one of my favorite productions

• AND THEY SAID IT TWICE AM I IN HEAVEN??

• Well I won't be after watching this 😌

• Caiaphas has a pretty cool voice ngl, my timbers are shivered

• HELIKOPTER 🚁 HELIKOPTER 🚁

Hosanna-

• A bit faster rendition that's neat

• Interesting how judas is participating in the fray

• It's so nice to see his character happy for once though

• The jesus balloons are killing me

Simon zealotes/poor jerusalem-

• Ooh it's a fight

• The ladies are sangin and dancin 💃

• THEY SAID FUCK AGAIN

• Well okay I'm just gonna give up on the notion that this play will be family appropriate in any manner, it's better that way anyway

• Pretty cool how the choreo is militaristic, as well as the costuming

• They way Simon is pronounced 😃

• I am unilingual my brain is incapable of not making a joke about that

• Jesus your nail polish is chipping baby fix that

Pilates dream-

• Love pilates robe, very pretty

• Ok but the sparkly suit is better

The temple-

• Fuck counter: 3

• They have a bit more speaking in this version which I really don't mind

• The lyrics make it really clear how the crowds used their connection to God to justify their actions, an issue which is still prevalent today

• Annas shaking that tail go off

• Jesus jumpscare

• He called it "A whorehouse" 💀

• The beggars all have little hand lights, that creates a really cool effect

• Wow the music got really fast

I don't know how to love him-

• Yayy Mary hi Mary hi 😍🥰👋

• Da smoochy???

• Judas ain't gonna be happy bout this

• Her voice is so good!!

• Interesting how jesus is awake for this

• ITS JUDAS HE'S PEEKING

• Uh oh

Damned for all time/blood money-

• OH NO

• MY BOY GOT SLAPPED

• HE JUST WANTED A SMOOCH

• Ok now it just feels like he's betraying him cause he got rejected 😭

• Annas is such a little shit oh my god

• He's giving Draco Malfoy vibes somehow

The last supper-

• Act 2 baby here we go

• Okay so he's dragging them to absolute hell, love that for you jesus

• The girls are FIGHTING!

• "Tell us what happened to the good vibes" I'm loving this translation

• Judas actor once again killing it, he has a really lovely rock voice

• The apostles throwing shade at judas and planning to blame him in the gospels 😙🤌

• This shit crazy

Gethsemane-

• Ok I'm gonna try to be serious for this once

• So far pretty good

• The lyrics are hitting the important parts of the song I feel

• HE GOT THE NOTE!

• Pretty damn good

• My bias still lies with Neeley but that wasn't gonna change really

• I like how he made the g5 actually part of the song rather than separating it. This whole performance is actually very natural and easy to watch

• The last verse goes so incredibly hard

• *rips shirt open*

• 👌

The arrest-

• Here it is the kiss

• Here we go

• Literally the only part of this play I'd seen before

• Okay that's just. So romantic. JESUS kissed JUDAS! What a twist!

• "Why did you date a whore" goddamn

Peter's denial-

• Annas is basically the main character he's in so many songs

Pilate and christ-

• "Yeah we know you're 'hot'" I mean 😏

• Fuck counter: 4

• My notes are seriously lacking I apologize

King herods song-

• Herod is me I am Herod

• Me in my robe on a Monday morning imposing judgement onto others:

• Did they just use a slide whistle?

• Goofy ahh sound effects 💀

• "Fine I'll do it myself- look, no hands 😚"

• He's my favorite

• Herod being silly and goofy:🤪

• Jesus: 😐

• Loved that

Could we start again please-

• Fuck counter: 5

• Not the song I expected it to be in tbh

• Maybe it doesn't hold the same weight in Sweden

• "How are we going to explain it so it looks good on paper?" This is a new angle that is actually really interesting, and reminds me that the Bible is pretty much ancient RPF

• Yay they included the ensemble

Judas death-

• "For one measly kiss" I'd call that kiss a lot of things but measly does not come to mind

• He is talking to jesus instead of christ

• Something tells me this production is not very religious 🤔

• Which I am very ok with

• He's goin through it

• He's got the rock screams going on 🤘love it

• RIP Judas, too gay to live 😔

Trial before pilate-

• He called Jesus a clown, bitch this isn't Godspell

• Ouchie

• That's a lot of blood

• It's easy to overact in the role of pilate and this guy isn't doing that, which is good

Superstar-

• I prefer when Judas is wearing white in this song, but the glittery red robe kinda slays ngl

• And once again judas is a pretty boy

• They kept the "jesus christ, Jesus christ, who are you what have you sacrificed" line in English

• Oop the robe is off

• Get those dance moves judas damn

• This is insane

• What is happening

• Why am I turned on

John 19:41-

• Ooh this is rather scary

• The way its literally just him on stage suffering is pretty intense

• IT IS FINISHED

Hope you enjoyed sluts

[anaisbebe]

WIP Playlist Tag

Thank you for the tag, @honeybewrites!

Rules: Choose 10 songs that remind you of your WIP or which overall fit the story's plot, aesthetic, or vibe

I love collecting music that reminds me of my WIP. Usually they remind me of specific characters, so that's what I'll be doing today! These songs fit RVO (Red Veil of Order).

Sober- TOOL This song reminds me of Chaos... "Why can't we not be sober? I just want to start this over... Why can't we drink forever? I just want to start this over..."

Pet- A Perfect Circle Reminds me of Tartarus, for sure. I've made art to these lyrics before. "Safe from pain, and truth, and choice, and other poison devils... See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do... Just stay with me, safe and ignorant"

Bottom- TOOL Tartarus, again, but in Act Two. (His hatred era.) "And I can sink no further, and I cannot forgive you. There's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you..."

Capital G - Nine Inch Nails Chaos! There is a line of dialogue based off this song in the novel!! I repeat, Chaos! "Don't try to tell me that some power can corrupt a person- you haven't had enough to know what it's like. You're only angry cuz' you wish you were in my position, now nod your head because you know that I'm right, alright!"

Head Like a Hole- Nine Inch Nails Erebos and Tartarus in Act Two! It's pretty easy to tell who would sing what, given their dynamic... But hey. "Bow down before the one you serve. You're going to get what you deserve!"

Suck- Nine Inch Nails Chaos... Yeah. "I'll heal your wounds, I'll set you free. I'm Jesus Christ, on ecstasy."

Platinum- Orgy Erebos's contradicting attachment to Tartarus. Also, I imagine Erebos sounds like the singer. "Something dirty's got you dear, makes you want to be with you. Something painful's with you dear, makes me want to be with you."

Tear You Apart- She Wants Revenge Finally, I talk about my other characters. This is such a Luna and Theodore song. "But their lips met, and reservations started to pass, whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last- either way he wanted her, and this was bad"

Cryin' Like A Bitch!! - Godsmack Definitely how Erebos treats Chaos. Except Chaos doesn't cry- ever. Or, this is Chaos when he's drunk. "And you can run, your little mouth all day, but the hand of god just smacked you back into yesterday!"

Self Esteem- The Offspring Yeah, Chaos to Erebos. It's quite sad especially since Chaos is much more powerful than Erebos... put manipulation is strong. "Now I know, I'm being used, that's okay man cuz' I like the abuse. Now I know, she's playing with me, that's okay cuz' I got no self-esteem."

Anyway... this took me much longer than it should've, but it was so fun. I adore music! And yes, I love all these songs!

[winksasleeplesseye]

via ad perditionem (three)

SUMMARY: Leon wakes up in a new place and meets a rather...interesting man named Luis Sera. Amara also finds herself in interesting company.

WORD COUNT: 3.8k

WARNINGS: death, implied experimentation, some cursing

[SERIES MASTERLIST]

Sacrificial lamb. You will receive our most sacred body. 

It begins now.

Leon wakes up with a start.

It’s brighter than he remembers. And colder.

All he remembers is…Shit, Amara. He’s back to square one. He had been able to check off one part of the mission until that man knocked him out—an unfair advantage on him, considering the sheer size of him. 

He squints his eyes as he looks around the area in front of him, then he looks up above him, finding his hands cuffed. His mind only just now registers a throbbing in the back of his head and an ache of having been in this position for a while. Well, that’s…something. 

What was it with these bastards with the chains and ropes? 

“Oh, what the fuck?” He forcefully brings his hands down to his front, chain rustling at the movement. A voice lightly chastises him for it. “Hey, stop it!” 

He recognizes the voice. The man he’d somewhat freed underneath the house by the lake. And now he’s chained to him? Just great. He pushes himself off the ground to better assess his surroundings. 

Well, he tries at least. Being trapped like this doesn’t exactly give someone that much leeway to look at things to escape. Unfortunately, he did have to be considerate of the person on the other end of the chain. Despite the annoying vibes that radiate from the man. 

He’d felt a small, almost green demon of envy crawl up his spine as he recalled this same annoying man had taken to flirting with Amara and the sweet smile, the easy yet witty answer she’d given to him in return. It made him feel like the rookie he thought he’d left behind, palms clammy and word vomit galore, he wished he could make her smile like that again.

First, he needed to get out of here if wanted that to happen.

“Oye, Yanqui, got a name?” 

He’s only half listening as he steps towards some shelving. “Leon.” 

“Quiet type, eh? I’m Luis Serra.” He introduces himself. “And guess—you, me—picked the wrong spot to vacation, eh?” 

Leon tugs the chain a little too far, briefly eyeing Luis as he scolds him. “Hey! Stop it! You move, I move…And I’m beat up enough as it is!”

What exactly was holding these chains anyways? Leon glances up to find—

—hm, chained together by a pulley, huh? He could work with that. Enough force and it’d be down soon enough. He leans back a bit, repositioning himself to have a better grip to pull it, he notices Luis following his movements as he gives a forceful tug. 

“I can see your thinking.” Leon felt the give on the chain, assuming the man decided to be helpful. “Bet you’ve been in spots like this before, hm?” 

Leon furrows his brow slightly, beginning to wish this man would shut up. He had bigger fish to fry than to have a needless conversation with this guy about what spots he has and hasn’t been in on missions. Who knows what that man did to Amara and not to mention he needed to go find Ashley too. He turns, finding that pulling while facing away might do more good. He could just hear the nails coming undone from the wood. 

“My guess…you’re here looking for someone?” Luis posits. Leon doesn’t answer. Just a couple more pulls and he’d be free. “One more guess…you’re here looking for some missing senorita?” 

Leon stopped dead in his tracks, turning on a dime towards him. Now he said something useful. “Young girl?” 

He pulls the chain, holding Luis’ arms above his head. “Talk. Now.” 

“All right,” Luis grunts. “See, heard chatter about moving a senorita.”

“Moving her. Where?” 

“Who knows?” He responds. “But later, saw some men dragging someone…to the old church. Who knows maybe that radiante flor from earlier is there too?” 

Jesus Christ. If he says one more thing about her, he’s more than liable to break a foot off in his ass. 

With a final tug, the pulley breaks, sending Luis to the floor. “Mierda…” 

That’s when he sees him behind Luis, a man wild-eyed and flailing around with an ax, Leon doesn’t think twice to pull him away from the other man. 

“Hanging with you not healthy—“ 

It takes mere seconds to whip the man with the length of the chain. Wrapping it around his neck, with the two men becoming temporary animal tamers…except the animal is a man. 

Ending this ordeal quickly, Leon forces the weight of his knee against the chain, a sickening snap coming from the man’s neck. He collapses, taking Luis down with him. 

He wanted to feel sorry about taking the man down so brutally but considering the man had come in the room with full intention to more than likely lob both their heads off with the ax, he can’t find it in him to feel all that sorry either. 

Luis excitedly scrambles for something on the man’s belt loop. Leon heard the telltale sign of that something being keys for the cuffs. 

Luis backs away, free from the chain in a gesture as if he just did a magic act. 

“Hey, we’re not done here!” Leon runs at him but the weight of the man holds him back, Luis backs up with a triumphant smile. 

He tosses the keys to the floor without so much as a second glance to Leon. “Later, amigo!” 

Leon can’t help but linger his eyes in a fierce gaze in the general direction he ran off. 

Jackass. 

For an agent, finding ways out of any situation is crucial in every sense. It was one of the biggest tenets of training to prepare agents for whatever may come. 

Amara had been in her fair share of…sticky situations to say the least. 

However, this one had topped the list. 

The stone tiles had been digging into her knees for some time, Amara’s sure her knees would pop out of their sockets. Not to mention, the strain on her arm muscles in this position. All in all, everything about this sucks and there wasn’t a way out. 

Not that she could see. She could definitely hear rats squeaking and scurrying about, their little paws scraping against the floor. Smell only the scent of fire burning, an almost—emphasis on almost—pleasant woodsy scent amongst the smoky scent and a scent that always seemed to permeate in old buildings. Mold and mildew no doubt. 

Well, at least it wasn’t the skunk lake-scented bag.

But Amara doesn’t imagine it’s much better wherever they put her. 

She hears footfalls echoing from a distance. Female. Judging by the click-clack of heels. Who the hell would wear heels of any kind in this place? Amara pities whoever it is, the cracks in the stone had probably given the person more than a few missteps. 

By the pace, she can tell they’re scared, nervous…a whole other gaggle of emotions to do with fear.

They sound closer and closer by the second, it’s only when someone gently unties the blindfold that the sound stops. 

Her eyes scan the room before looking over at the person who had slightly freed her. It’s a church, that much is obvious, judging by the architecture, a stain-glass window just beyond the doorway, the shelves directly in front of her lined with bibles collecting dust and the worn, rusted cups that were used for communion next to them. At one point, they were more than likely a more pristine gold color but age had gotten to them. 

There’s a grime to the walls that makes her skin crawl. 

Amara never really cared that much, but now she could safely say she hated churches. Well, just this one. 

Then there was the person who freed her. Under the glow of the lantern, the orange and green colors of her outfit stick out almost ridiculously in this place. Amara is no fashion critic by any means, but the outfit is cute. 

She didn’t look too much older than 20, her soft features and curious eyes studying Amara. Something about her reminded her of Sherry. 

“You’re not one of those people, I take it?” Amara questions, though the answer is pretty obvious.

She scoffs, the labored breaths she let out returning to a normal pace from stopping her exertion. “Considering I took off that blindfold, I’d hope not.” 

“Think you’ve got a key to this?” Amara smiles, shaking her arms to emphasize the chain holding her captive. “Not that I don’t appreciate being able to see again.” 

“Me and you are in the same boat, unfortunately.”

“Well, not exactly. You’re not chained to a wall at the moment,” Amara said, almost reflexively. It came off a little meaner than she intended but the frustration started to wear on her. 

It took Amara a moment longer than necessary to register the girl’s words. “Ashley Graham?” 

“My name precedes me.” She offers a closed mouth smile, there’s a pain in her eyes. 

Amara immediately felt like a piece of shit, but it’s too late to really take back that she kind of sassed the president’s daughter, because the moment has already passed and Ashley already seems to be moving her eyes over the area.

“I’ll see what I can fin—“ 

“Don’t bother, you’re stuck here too, doubt they’d let that key lay around where their prisoners can find it.” Amara sighed, gesturing near her. “Least you can do is keep me company. Name’s Amara.” 

Ashley delicately placed herself on a spot on the floor nearby. It only just now hits Amara how bare and cold everything is, goosebumps raising against her exposed skin instantly. At least one of them was warm, and it definitely wasn’t her. 

Amara decided it was in their best interest to be friendly with one another. More than anything, this girl probably needed some friendly, Amara couldn’t exactly picture what had been occurring since being kidnapped. Nor how her detail had managed to slip up so badly. Dumbasses, the lot of them. 

“You’re not scared?” 

“Terrified. Guess I hide it pretty well.” Amara can tell she’s trying her damndest to put on a brave face. Though it was entirely possible the next sudden move or even shift of a shadow would make the girl jump.

“We’ll get out of here, trust me.” Well, that depends solely on Leon. Why on god's green earth did they only send him? Amara knows he’s more than capable (if the whispers around the office and during training were anything to go by) but one man up against…whatever is going on here seemed a bit much. 

But, recalling the mole, it made a stupid amount of sense. One agent to each hypothetical needle in the haystack to see which one found the needle. Leon now either possessed the short end or long end of the stick in finding them. 

“Are you an agent or something?”

“As far as I’m aware I am.”

“For my dad?” 

“Oh, no. That’s way above my pay grade,” she jokes lightly. Can’t have a living, breathing BoW breathe the same air as the President after all. 

She felt disgusted to even admit that but it was—is— the truth. 

The only reason they hadn’t been given orders to take her out at the first chance they had was because much like that sunglasses-wearing slick blonde hair idiot thought, they thought the same. 

She’s special. 

And she just so happened to be of age while Sherry was not. Those factors equated to the almost perfect candidate because of the “medical potential” and the fact that to her family, she’d been dead since 1998. No one would come looking for her despite the fact a woman eerily similar to someone they’d lost now roamed freely using her name. Heh, and she was calling Ada a ghost? 

The first couple of months had been the hardest, her body and psyche had been put to the test, mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

More than a few training sessions ended up with her writhing in pain, bloodied, and bruised as the trainers had been given almost free reign to test all methods of attacks against her as scientists watched over her “healing” abilities. One particularly mean bitch trainer named Diana Foster knocked out a few of her teeth and while her teeth grew back almost instantaneously, the phantom pain of losing them came up ever so often now. 

That coupled right now with the awful sensation of rubbing against her wrists gave her a throbbing pain in her right temple. That didn’t explain why she had spit up blood earlier just before Ashley had found her, she had chalked the weariness upon waking to Luis taking her blood but something about not being able to even have the strength to break free of these chains certainly began to alarm her. 

She needed to find Luis and find out what the hell was going on with her. Better yet, the progress on the so-called suppressant he was working on. 

“Are you alright?” Ashley asked, a frantic tone to her voice. “Your nose!” 

A warm dribble just so happens to run down to her mouth, the taste of iron hitting her tongue. Yep, that’s blood alright. 

Of course, something in her tells her not to worry her only companion for the moment. Amara is still a bit touched by the care she shows for her, despite only having just met. 

“Probably just the air in here, that or being carried upside down,” she shrugs her shoulders as best she can. Ashley takes part of her scarf and tears it to make a makeshift napkin, wiping the blood and tossing the soiled piece away. “Thanks.”

“Are these people patrolling the church too?” Amara knew the next thing to do was survey the situation. 

Ashley shakes her head. “I just woke up here so I’m not too sure.” 

“Do me a favor. Look around this place, find something weighty.”

“Uh…why?” 

“To defend yourself. If I can’t, the least you can do is knock someone out to escape, if it comes to that.”

“What about you?” 

“I have a couple tricks up my sleeve.” Maybe. Hopefully. If she could rid herself of this damn pain in her head, she’d be more than okay. 

Ashley looked over the shelving next to Amara, she can’t exactly see what she grabbed until she comes back into her full line of sight. A candelabra. Oh, hell. This place was ancient. 

Ashley’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion as she examines it. Amara had to remind herself that there was a time that people were born after her, although the only reason she even knew what that was was because of her own interest in a few things of gothic persuasion. “This candle thingy should be good, right?” 

“It’s a candelabra,” she corrected politely. “But yes, it should work. Now, don’t take this the wrong way, but you need to get away from me. Only because it’s a bit better strategy not for them to be able to take us both out in one go.”

Without another word, Ashley nods hesitantly, carrying the candelabra as if it were a shield from the world and heading out the way she came to hopefully hide. Yet again, Amara is alone. 

The last remnants of the boat sink slowly to the depths of the lake within the boat house. The pink, purple, and orange hues denoting sunset had now vanished with an almost pitch black sky in its place. Leon gingerly steps off the boat, full intention to contact Roost. 

Coughing up blood and taking an unintended mid-mission nap (if he could call it a nap) were not on the agenda. 

Neither was fighting a giant lake monster but that's besides the point. 

A touch to his comms sends the familiar beeping to his ear. His voice is a little more exhausted than he’d like as he states the usual call sign. “Condor One to Roost.”

Hunnigan’s voice filled his ear, there was concern and surprise in her voice. “Condor One? You’ve been radio silent for three hours. Are you alright?” 

Shit. Was it that long? 

“Yeah…I’m fine,” he lightly laughed at her concern, but he didn’t want to really make her any more concerned. He’d keep coughing up blood to himself, probably that night out a few days ago coming back to bite him in the ass. “Won’t let it happen again.” 

“And the church?” 

“Still looking for whatever key I need.” 

“Copy that. I’m glad you’re okay. Roost out.” 

After tedious traveling back and forth, Leon finally retrieved the key. Upon examining it closer, he noticed the same insignia he’d seen outside the path to the hunter’s lodge from that crudely made post, the same he’d seen on the altar where the corpse of who he assumed was one of the missing hikers had laid, now the same he’d looked at upon the stained glass window above this church. 

If it weren’t already completely obvious, there was a pattern. 

Besides that, he briefly wanted to pat himself on the back for even getting here again in one piece but there’d be no celebrations until he had both Ashley and Amara secured. 

“Ashley Graham? I’m here to help!” He called, though he was already doubtful he’d get a response. “Amara! Are you here?”

No answer. Great. Fantastic. Wonderful.

Leon held back a sigh as he noticed a mechanism just ahead. It doesn’t take two and two to put together that it’s another damn puzzle. Goddamn it. 

If anyone had told him six years ago that he’d be going all over the world to do weirdly intricate puzzles, he would’ve quit right on the spot. Shit, at least it gave his brain something to focus on that didn’t involve fucking disgusting monsters for a change. 

Having found the third piece to the mechanism, Leon worked through uncovering—what else—another insignia amongst the almost beautiful kaleidoscope of colors on the wall. He heard the scraping of the bars against the stone walls as they lifted, which signified that he could finally get to the upper level.

Please be here. 

Now that he was closer, he called out again. “Ashley? Amara? You in there?” 

His eyes fell upon an obnoxiously pink item on the floor. Bending down, he picked it up. A flip phone with sorority stickers on it, the screen is cracked so it was useless. Must be Ashley’s. Yup, she’s definitely here.

Coming to a set of two doors, Leon looked between them. Would it really matter which one he chose? 

With a brief shrug, he readied himself for anything behind the door closest to the windows. He slowly pushed the door open, mindful to keep his handgun aimed downwards just in case either Ashley or Amara were in the room. The corners were shrouded in darkness, just about the only light coming from the dimmed flames of a lantern but Leon could just make out the form of someone, similarly positioned like one of the hikers he’d found earlier. 

Luckily, his eyes weren’t deceiving him. Even with her head hung downwards, he could recognize the two streaks of white in her hair. He always assumed it was partially from what the G-virus had done but also a style choice on her part. 

Amara. 

It only takes about two or three strides before he’s by her side, gun back in its holster for the moment. There’s a nervous bundle twisted in his stomach as he lifted her chin, he hoped she was better off than the hikers. 

Her skin was a bit flushed, more than likely being close to the lantern and the strenuous position they’d put her in. 

“Your hands are cold…” Amara weakly spoke, automatically moving her head away from Leon’s touch. 

“C’mon, wake up. It’s me, Leon.”

“Leon?” She mumbled. 

“The one and only. Now, give me a–”

Leon sensed someone behind him within only half a second to spare, a gold candelabra laid on the ground where he just stood. It would’ve damn near taken his head off. “Get away from her!”

His attention is now solely on getting Ashley Graham to not land him in the upper room with blunt force trauma.

“Easy with that!” He raises his arms in surrender, voice even as he tried to approach her. “My name’s Leon. I’m here on the president’s orders–”

Before he can finish what he’s saying, Ashley practically scurries out the door she’d come in from. Running away from a perceived threat, can’t say he blamed her. Though, probably wasn’t logical to leave her companion with said perceived threat. 

Amara coughs a bit, a chuckle followed after. “Smooth.”

“Hush.” Leon eyed an ax hidden behind some of the shelving. That would do the trick for Amara’s chains. 

“So bossy,” she teased. He noticed that she was a bit more alert than she was a few moments ago. That was a good sign.

“As I was going to say, give me a second and I’ll get you out of these chains.” He began to ready his swing on the chain, as far as he could from Amara’s body. With one heaving swing, the chain broke from the wall, Amara’s hands flying to her front and sending her face first to the ground. 

Amara groaned out for a moment, voice dripped with sarcasm as she pushed herself off the ground. “Great plan, Leon. Loved the part where I ate shit.”  

“Sorry,” Leon offered a hand once more to help her up fully. She took it, grabbing more of his arm as she stumbled a tad. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, just give me a minute. That was hell on my knees,” Amara offered a small smile to reassure him that she was doing okay. Leon could see it didn’t reach her eyes but he didn’t want to push her. She untangled her hand from him as she leaned against the wall near the door. “You should probably go tell Ashley that you’re a friendly. Unless you’d like her to come back in here with another thing to hit you over the head with.” 

“Right.” 

He marched right outside the door, seeing Ashley had her eyes set outside the window. “Hey, it’s dangerous outside.” He can see Amara in his peripheral, slowly walking towards the nearby pillar.

Ashley doesn’t answer. Doesn’t move. 

Leon was beginning to feel like a scolding parent. He cautiously approached her once again. “You need to listen to me–”

“What is that? Over there?” Ashley cuts him off, pointing outside the windows. Through the inkling of raindrops, there’s an orange glow moving towards the church. Torches. Villagers holding them. Leon can just barely make them out before a booming voice invades his brain, it sounded strangely familiar as he held his hand to his head. 

Pursue them. 

The lost lambs are escaping… 

Deliver unto them…

Salvation. 

As quick as it had came, it was over just as fast. The pain in his head subsided too. He and Ashley briefly share a look between them, his eyes then turning towards Amara as she stood nearby. A look of confusion seemed to pass between all of them before they looked on at the villagers coming closer to the church. 

What the hell was that? 

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Today I went to see the new Spider-Verse with a friend. I wasn’t sure what to expect of it because I didn’t really connect with the first one too much and only really came out of it thinking “that was visually gorgeous”, so yk going into this I kinda just like, yeah. But uh, it was fucking immaculate. Jesus Christ. I don’t think I could have possibly prepared myself for how much I loved this movie. It looks even more beautiful than the first one - there’s a real “hold my beer” vibe since obviously Spider-Verse influenced lots of other studios to do this animation style, so then Spider-Verse comes back with a vengeance to utterly surpass itself so thoroughly that the original looks like a tech demo in comparison. The sheer degree of vibes on offer through the soundtrack is incredible as well, it compliments the movie absolutely beautifully. And more than even that I was just shocked at how much the emotional core connected with me - every single character is so deeply humanised and they all just want the best for each other but there’s too much in the way that prevents them from getting that, it’s genuinely gripping. It starts off in such an interpersonal fashion too that I couldn’t even guess how it’d turn into Miles being hunted down by every Spider-Person from every universe, but they even nail that setting change and it’s even an emotional highlight of the movie. Shit was just really fucking compelling and I couldn’t help but be engaged by it. Every scene mattered. I cannot wait for the next one, and in fact, I’m going to see this one again this Saturday because it’s my little brother’s birthday and I want to do something for him and so seeing a kino movie with him sounds epic. More than happy to pay for this in cinemas twice anyway.

[nosesitter]

Jesus fucking Christ I can’t the domestic vibes of the whole situation makes my heart flutter. AND JOEL BEING VOCAL IS SO HOT FUCK IM EATING NAILS🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Cup of Sugar

Dilf!neighbor!joel x fem reader (pre outbreak)

Summary: You often borrow from your neighbor, Joel. He catches you in his home, digging through his belongings for batteries when your vibrator dies.

WC: 4.5k

Warnings: Smut!! Dirty talk, smug joel, masturbation, blowies, vibrators, unprotected piv, joel is fully clothed and reader is butt ass naked! Soft!dom joel vibes

AN: Dedicated to all my faves, @notjustjavierpena, @jrrmint, @macfrog, @hellishjoel, @gracieispunk, ofc the sluttiest @toxicanonymity and @speckledemerald i love all y’all with my entire heart<3

Please comment/reblog if you enjoyed ❤️

The ceiling fan needs to be fixed. You’ve been meaning to get that taken care of. It’s the first thing you think of on Saturday morning, when you wake up in your bed to the sound of lawn mowers and weed whackers. A gentle breeze comes from your open window and ghosts over your skin, reminding you to get your ceiling fan fixed.

 Saturdays were often your busiest days. Between cleaning, grocery shopping, and getting ready to go out for drinks with your friends, you don’t have much time for just you. Which, arguably, is what weekends should be for. 

You get out of bed and start getting ready for the day. You shower, get dressed, do your hair and your makeup just how you like. You feed your pets and you’re out the door to take on this beautiful Saturday.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see someone waving good morning to you. It’s Joel, wearing nothing except for his grass stained jean cutoffs as he mows his lawn. His dark curls are damp and stuck to his forehead, his torso shimmers in the sunlight. You catch a glimpse of his soft tummy and the thin line of hair leading down from his navel. 

You nearly faint right then and there. Joel’s your ridiculously sexy dilf of a next door neighbor. You’ve been absolutely smitten with him for what feels like eternity, and his slutty lawn mowing outfits are not helping you one bit. 

“Mornin’, sweetheart,” he calls to you after turning off his mower. “Big plans today?”

“Grocery shopping,” you reply plainly, trying to keep your cool. You don’t want to say much and trip over your words. God, he makes your knees buckle. “And chores. Then going out to drink with a few friends.”

He nods. “Stay outta trouble,” he tells you with a charming wink, and then he pulls the cord of his mower and begins working on his lawn again. You watch his back muscles twitch and shine in the hot sun, his plump ass filling his shorts just right. 

Fuuuck. You’re nearly salivating at the sight. He’s gonna be an issue again today. 

And an issue he was. 

At the grocery store, you walk past the lawn mowers and other yard work supplies. Joel. You scan your groceries and check out, and you just know you’re forgetting something.

At home, washing your bedding. You can’t help but wonder how his bedding looks, how it would smell and feel with your face pressed into the mattress as he pounds you from behind. Does he keep his bed neatly made? Messy?

At the bar, watching the drops of condensation slide down the glass. You’re thinking of the way Joel looks with beads of sweat dripping down his face, down the dip of his temple and the sharp curve of his jaw. Your friends are trying to talk to you, but your mind is elsewhere. The condensation pools at the table under the glass. 

As the night finally draws to a close, you drive yourself home. It’s late, most of the lights are off in the neighborhood, including Joel’s. You walk into your home, toss your keys on the end table by your door and make your way to your bedroom.

You’re aching between your thighs, your skin feels hot and your mind is focused on just one thing. You strip bare and flop on your bed, reaching for your hot pink bunny eared vibrator. Ol’ reliable. 

Usually, you like to take your time with your self-love. Tease yourself a little, build up that anticipation. Joel’s done that enough to you today, so you get right to business. With your legs spread wide, you turn the vibrator on and press the toy to your center, using it to spread your arousal up to your clit and back down again. 

Maybe two minutes in, just as you find the perfect spot and the perfect pace, and then the whine of the vibrator begins dying down. You let out an incoherent stream of obscenities as you realize what’s happening, then the vibrator’s buzzing finally comes to a heartbreaking stop. “Fuck,” you hiss. Batteries.

You’re irked. You fucking knew you were forgetting something at the store. And you’d think the way you were fantasizing of Joel all day, you would have remembered to pick up the fucking batteries for your vibrator. He is the object of your affection, after all.

You have extras stashed, don’t you? You open your bedside table drawer to check and…nothing. Maybe in the closet downstairs, where you keep your cleaning supplies and first aid stuff? You throw on your robe real quick and check. Nope. You slam the door, irate with frustration.

You’re getting desperate now, and out of the corner of your eye you notice a dim green light, flashing gently. The smoke alarm. That has to have batteries you can steal for a little while, right? It’s not like it’s preventing you from dying in a house fire or anything. You grab a stool and unscrew the alarm from the top of the ceiling and, and,

It has batteries. 

But they’re nine volts. Not even close to the triple A’s you require. 

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. You need to calm down. Women have fingers for a reason, after all. But god bless it, it’s not the fucking same!

In the dark of your kitchen, you get yourself a glass of water and stare out the window at Joel’s house. And as you take a sip of water, it hits you.

Joel probably has batteries. 

You slip on your flip flops and leave your house, heading over to Joel’s backdoor. 

Are you about to break and enter into his home? No, of course not. That would be absurd. You have a key, duh. 

It started with a cup of sugar. 

Once, you had knocked on Joel’s door asking to borrow a cup of sugar for the sheet cake you were making for the neighborhood barbecue. You, ever so forgetful, had failed to remember to pick up sugar on that particular grocery shopping trip. 

Joel left and returned moments later with a large container full of sugar, way more than a cup. You were expecting a baggie with a single cup of sugar inside, not the whole bin. Men, you thought. You thanked him and promised to give his sugar back soon. You never did. 

The next time, it was eggs. You knocked on Joel’s door, but were met with no answer. So you called him. 

“Hey, what’s up sugar?” Your heart swelled at the nickname. It’s what Joel teasingly called you when you never returned his bin full of sugar, not that he really minded.  “Just need a favor. Are you home?”

“Maybe,” he said. “What do you need?”

“Just like, three eggs for the cupcakes tomorrow,”

After trying your delicious sheet cake, Joel was hooked. He had asked you to make cupcakes for Sarah’s birthday, strawberry with vanilla frosting. You had all the ingredients except for a few eggs, and you didn’t feel like running all the way across town for them. 

Joel exaggerated a groan, faking annoyance. “Those are my last eggs, you know. Am I gonna have to starve at breakfast tomorrow morning?” You let out a giggle at his dramatics. “It’s your breakfast or your daughter’s cupcakes, Joel,” 

“Cupcakes,” he decided. You could hear the smile in his voice. “Take the eggs. S’all good, sugar. I’ll have toast.”

You were about to speak, but Joel interrupted. “Won’t be home for a while. Help yourself, just use the key I gave ya. Happy baking, sugar,”

Joel had given you a key long ago. If he was ever in a pinch working late, he’d call you and ask you to babysit Sarah for him. He gave you a key so you could help yourself inside to make her an after school snack or dinner before she got home. Not that Sarah really needed the help, being so self sufficient. But he liked knowing you were there to take care of her when he wasn’t.

“Bye, Joel,”

And that was your neighborly routine. Babysitting Sarah, borrowing different things from Joel. A flashlight or a screwdriver. Ice, when your freezer broke. Sarah and Joel would borrow from you too, a pair of scissors or a hot glue gun for school projects. Once, they had borrowed your printer late at night when Sarah forgot she had a history paper due the next morning. It’s what neighbors are for, after all.

At Joel’s door with his key in your hand, you jiggle it into the doorknob and quietly open the door, careful not to let it creak too loud. You don’t want to wake up Sarah or Joel. 

You tiptoe through his house, first to his living room. You check the drawer of one of his end tables, nothing. Then the entertainment center where he keeps his video game controllers and such, surely he would keep batteries there too? Nope. You close the doors of the entertainment center and make your way to the kitchen. As quietly as you can you open his junk drawer next to the sink and begin moving items around. There’s a phone book, notecards, pens and pencils. The scissors you lent to Sarah. But no fucking batt-

“What are you doin’ riflin’ through my shit at this ungodly hour?” You jump as a voice interrupts you. You stand up straight and turn your head to the source of the sound, and it’s Joel. His hair is messy and sticking up six ways from Sunday, his soft gray sweatpants hang low on his hips and his thin t-shirt hugs his biceps just so. He’s got one eyebrow cocked, half in amusement and half in annoyance. 

“I just need to borrow something. I'll be out in a second. Didn’t mean to wake you Joel, I’m sorry,” you apologize. You curse yourself for being so noisy, but you can’t help it. You’re frantic for these fucking batteries. 

Joel steps down the stairs. “What do you need so badly right now?”

“Just some batteries,” you mumble. 

“Batteries?” Joel asks. “The fuck do you need batteries so bad for it can’t wait til’ morning?”

You didn’t think this far ahead. You were expecting to find the batteries and just go, not be interrogated by Joel. But you know you’re not in a place to argue. 

“Uhh,” you start, “Flashlight. I need triple A’s.”

Joel just nods quietly, his eyes are droopy with sleepiness and he walks to a kitchen cabinet, the one containing different odds and ends. You see the box of batteries and he reaches to pull a few out for you, but then pauses before handing them to you. “Wait a minute. Thought you didn’t have one. S’why you’re always stealin’ my flashlight,”

“Yeah, sorry. I meant the remote,” Smooth. 

“Mmm,” Joel murmurs, rotating the batteries in his hand. He’s staring you down, taking you all in. Your eyes are wide, your cheeks are flushed, your hair is messy. You’re wearing just a robe, and he’s sure there’s nothing underneath. Your voice is shaking, your breathing is loud and unsteady. 

“Come on Joel, I’m missing my show. Please,” 

Joel doesn’t give you the batteries yet, he just keeps playing with them in his hand. It’s distracting, the way his fingers move so deftly. He bites his cheek and raises his eyebrows at you. He knows exactly why you’re so flustered, and he suspects it’s the same reason you need batteries at the fucking dead hour. 

“What show?”

“What?”

“I asked what show you’re watching tonight,” 

You swallow thickly, your brain is racing as you try to think up a lie. “X-Files,”

“Hm. Who’s your favorite character?”

Damn. Ask more questions, why don’t you? “Sully,” you reply with partial confidence, even though you’re not really sure if that character exists or you’re confusing them with something else.  

“He’s from Monsters Inc, hon. Try again,” You stammer. Maybe it was a bad idea to pick a show you don’t watch to lie about. Joel answers for you, “Did ya mean Scully?”

You nod. “Yeah. Him,”

Joel just smiles tightly, nodding slowly like he knows something you don’t. You’re so full of shit. “Guess what, sugar,”

“What?”

“X-Files ain’t on tonight,” he whispers with a lopsided grin. 

Busted. 

“And I can tell you don’t watch it,”   Joel takes a few imposing steps toward you, you take a few steps back as well. Your lower back hits the counter behind you, pinning you between itself and Joel. You hear the sound of him setting the batteries down next to you. “You think you’re slick, don’t ya? Lyin’ t’me like this.”

Your heart is racing out of our chest as he places his two hands on either side of you on the counter. “What?”

“Did your lil’ fuck toy die on you?” he taunts, his breath is hot on your face. Your eyes widen at the accusation. “It did, didn’t it?”

Your silence is the only answer he needs. 

“So that’s what you’re playin’ with when I hear you whimperin’ for me late at night, hm?” You can only look down at the floor in shame. You didn’t realize you were loud enough for Joel to hear through his own bedroom, which mirrors yours. “You really should keep that window closed, sweetheart.”

You’re not exactly sure where this is going, you’re nervous and excited. Is he mad? Turned on? You can’t tell. “The fan’s broken, it gets hot,” you try to explain while stammering.

 “I’d be happy to fix your fan for ya, but that’s not what we’re talkin’ about right now,”

Joel’s eyes are piercing, he never breaks eye contact as one of his hands leaves the counter. He pulls the fabric of your robe away from your chest a little more, and you look down to watch his next move. “Joel,” you gasp, surprised.

“Nothin’ under here, hm?” he croons as he begins playing with your nipple, hardened by your arousal and the cool air. You moan quietly when he teases it, pinching and twisting it slowly. He looks at you with big and concerned eyes as if to ask that this is okay. You nod in response, of course it’s okay. This is what you’ve dreamed of for so long.

Joel’s hand slides down your body until his fingers find your dripping seam. He slides them through your slick folds teasingly, he cocks his eyebrow when he finds you’re soaked to the bone. “And you were right there, weren’t you?”

You don’t answer, you just keen into his touch a little more. 

“Don’t get all shy on me now, sugar,”

“Yeah,” you admit. 

“Shoot. You poor thing,”

It’s completely silent between you both. Deafening silence. Joel wears a smug grin on his face. He pulls his hand away from your center, reaching for the batteries he set on the counter. 

Before you can even process what you’re doing, you reach for his hand again. “Please,” you breathe. 

“Please what, sugar?”

You don’t have words right now. Not that you did before this moment, either. You put his hand back at your pussy, using your body to tell him what you want. That you want this to continue, that you’re begging him not to stop touching you. Fuck the batteries. 

“Ohhh,” he whispers, realizing. “Want me to get you off tonight, don’t ya?”

You nod with hungry and desperate eyes, thankful that this is going in the best direction it possibly could have. “Please, Joel, need you to touch me,”

It’s not a second before he grabs you by the hips, turns you around and shoves you down to your knees. “No,” he spits, one of his hands is tangled in your hair as the other is untying the knot at his pajama bottoms. He pulls his cock out before you, rock hard and angry. “Think you can just sneak into my house to steal batteries for your little toy?”

You’re at a loss for words, in disbelief that this is the position you’re in now.

“And now you want me to help ya rub one out. S’that right?” When you don’t answer he impatiently taps your cheek with the tip of his cock, smearing precum on your face. “Answer me.”

“Yes, please,”

Joel scoffs. “You’re unbelievable,” he remarks. “Think you’re pretty fuckin’ entitled, sugar. That’s not how this works.”

You feel your heartbeat in every inch of your body, blood rushing through your head. Your eyes dart between his face and his cock in front of you, not sure which part of him to focus your attention to. 

“Here’s how this’ll go,” he begins, pressing his cock against your plump lips. They part slightly at the intrusion, but he doesn’t yet push himself into your mouth. “You do what I say, when I say it. We clear?”

You nod. 

“Repeat it,” he demands. 

“I follow your rules,” you whisper against his member. You can just barely taste him, and you’re hungry for more.

“Attagirl,” Joel praises you, and he shoves himself unceremoniously into your mouth. You nearly gag, pulling back slightly but he holds you right where he wants you. 

He’s big. That’s the first thing you notice. He stretches your mouth out wide and fills you up entirely. Then you notice his tuft of slightly unkempt pubic hair that your nose is nudging. Your eyes flutter shut and you savor the way he tastes, tangy and slightly salty from the sweat. 

His voice interrupts your thoughts. “Take your robe off f’me, sug,”

You do as you’re told, untying and shimmying off the thin robe from around your shoulders as you bob your head on his dick. You hollow your cheeks around him, letting him feel every inch of your mouth, so soft and wet. He’s domineering above you, but his hand on your head is gentle. He untangles his fingers from your hair and moves them to your cheek, caressing your skin gently. You can’t tell what the gesture means, if it’s supposed to be comforting or his way of letting you know he’s the one in charge.

You feel him twitch in your mouth every so often as you continue sucking his cock. You look up at him with wide eyes, he looks down at you through hooded lids. You wonder what he’s thinking. 

“I wanna watch you touch yourself,” he requests, but it’s more of a demand. His voice low and gravelly.

You spread your legs slightly and your hand finds your center, your fingers slip and slide through your dripping pussy. 

“Fuck yourself,” is his next command, “Deep as you can go. Come on now,”

You insert a single finger inside of yourself, using your body’s rocking motion to propel your finger deep inside you. But it’s not quite what you need. You pull your mouth off Joel’s cock, which garners you a look of irritation from him. “Need more,” you beg. 

“Yeah? Whatcha need?”

“You, Joel. Please,” 

“Awh,” Joel tilts his head and pouts at you mockingly. “Beggars can’t be choosers. You know that, silly girl.”

You open your mouth to plead for him, but he shuts you up by shoving his cock back into your mouth with a grunt. 

“Keep fuckin’ yourself real nice f’me,” he says. “Gonna watch you come all over those pretty fingers.”

You whine a little and shift on your knees, trying to find the right angle while still taking Joel down your throat. Eventually you do, and you add a second finger while grinding your clit down on your thumb. 

You and Joel find a steady pace, him fucking your mouth and you fucking yourself. You feel the beginning of an orgasm coming on and focus hard on that feeling, letting it build and wash over you. You moan and choke on Joel’s thick cock as you come, spit dribbling down your lips and your chin. 

“Good girl,” he praises you. “Good fuckin’ girl.” 

At this point, your lips and your jaw are sore. You wonder what’s next to come, Joel finishing down your throat or something else. It’s not long before you find out, he pulls away from you and brings you to your feet. 

“What was it you were wantin’ again, sugar? D’ya wanna come all over my cock?”

You try to hold back your excitement, slightly embarrassed by the effect he has on you. 

“Tell me, were you thinkin’ of me tonight? Before that lil’ fuck toy of yours died?”

“All day, Joel,” you whine. “Needed you all day.”

“All day,” he repeats, amused. He turns you around to face the counter,  pulls you back by your hips a bit and nudges your feet apart. “How ‘bout that. What were ya thinkin’ about me?” 

“Y-” you gasp, your words interrupted when you feel the thick head of his cock prodding your slit. He drags it up and down your folds, coating himself in your arousal.

“Go on, now,” His southern accent is thick like honey as he teases you.

“When you were mowing this morning-” you choked out. “You looked so handsome.”

“Handsome, hm? S’awful kind of ya,” Joel notches the tip of his dick inside you and sort of pulses inside you, ever so slightly moving in and out of your dripping entrance. “Got me blushin’, sugar.”

He doesn’t give you time to respond before he buries himself inside of you. You yelp at the sudden intrusion and without missing a beat, Joel wraps a hand around your mouth.

“Pipe down,” he growls. You nod frantically into his hand, which he promptly removes from your mouth and places on the back of your head. Firmly, but not so rough that he hurts you, he pushes your face down into the counter and holds you steady there by the back of your neck. His hand is warm on your neck, the pressure of his strength against you is both comforting and somewhat of a warning. Your guts churn as desire shoots through your veins like electricity. 

Joel finds a steady pace. Not too fast, not too slow. His cock hits you right where you need him. 

“Jesus, sugar. Feel good?”

“Fuck,” is all you can get out. You’re lost in him, your skin is on fire and all you can feel is Joel. His thighs hitting your ass, his balls slapping against your clit. One of his hands on your waist, holding you steady. “You feel good, s’good.”

Joel lets out a strangled kind of noise, somewhere between a whine and a groan. You hear his sharp and unsteady breathing through his gritted teeth, and you wish you could see him like this. You can just about picture it perfectly, his messy hair flopping with each of his thrusts and his brow furrowed, the little line between them more prominent than it usually is.

He fucks you at a devastating rhythm, both of you panting and moaning. Joel’s a little more vocal than you would have expected. You can tell he’s trying to keep as quiet as he can, but he lets out strangled moans here and there, as if he can’t help it at all. When he’s quiet, you wonder how he does it. Is his lip pinned under his teeth? Is he holding his breath?

He taps your cheek. “Look at yourself, baby,”

You open your eyes, and you see your reflection in his glass patio door. You’re stark naked and being mercilessly fucked and Joel’s behind you, still fully clothed. His plump ass peeks out from his gray sweats.

“You look real pretty with my cock in ya, sugar. Always knew you would,” he purrs. 

“Fuck, Joel,” you moan, and you reach an arm behind you to hold onto his own, where he’s still gripping your hips. He holds you in a vice grip and you’re sure you’ll be a painting of bruises tomorrow, a picture of pure, unadulterated sex.

His hand on your neck finally leaves, and he wraps it around the front of your body until he finds your clit. You almost miss the way he pressed you into the cold countertop. 

“Alright, now,” he breathes, “Keep lookin at us when you come.”

You nod into the countertop. Even if he didn’t tell you what to do, you’d still be watching yourself and him in the reflection of the glass. You couldn’t peel your eyes away if you tried.

He expertly paints circles into your clit as his once calculated and steady thrusts turn frenzied and he loses his rhythm. 

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, Joel,” you’re gasping, feeling your walls clench and squeeze him. “Right there, right there, fuck.”

“Go on, let go f’me,” he pants. 

With a few more circles tracing your clit, you fall apart on him. You come with a loud whine, and Joel pulls you up to cover your mouth with his hand once more. His arm is between your breasts and you’re not sure if the hot sweating on your back is from you or him. You don’t mind either way. 

He doesn’t yet stop fucking you, and the sensation is becoming all too much. Your moaning is muffled by his hand as he chases his own orgasm, and he spills into you with shuddering breaths and grunts, painting milky white ropes of come on your insides. 

You groan at the loss as he pulls out of you and his spend is warm as it drips from your pussy and down your thighs. You turn around to face Joel, both of you panting as you catch your breath. His dominant demeanor is gone as he bends down to pick up your robe and holds it open for you, you turn around and slither your arms through the sleeves. Without words, he turns you around and ties it in the front, then you slide your flip flops back on your feet. The whole song and dance feels oddly domestic and sweet.

With his hand on the small of your back, he guides you out his door and walks you to your home.

“Don’t have too much fun,” he warns you teasingly, placing the two triple A batteries in your hand. “And close that window. I wanna be the only one to hear ya moanin’ all pretty like that.”

You nod with a shy smile, and Joel kisses your lips and then your forehead. The gentleness of the gesture feels odd, but not wrong. You’re suddenly feeling bashful, as if Joel just didn’t have you butt naked and bent over his kitchen counter. 

“I’ll be by to fix that fan for ya, sugar,” 

And then he walks away. And you go inside and back to your bedroom, first making sure to close your window. You watch the light in Joel’s bedroom turn off.

 You lay in bed and play with the triple A batteries in your hand, still feeling the tingle of his lips on yours, the dull ache of the bruises his fingers left on your hips. 

You never did end up replacing those batteries. Just like how you never gave back the sugar.

@swiftispunk @rosaliedepp @pedrotonin @kittenlittle24 @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @brittmb115 @bigboiseason123 @laysmt @venusdemonroe @guiltgoreglory @aubreysylvain @leeeesahhh @oliveg95 @ifall4dilfs @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @harriedandharassed @vickie5546 @louisxosblog @southernbe @ravenouswild @luvrking @r02eg0ld @amythenortherner @walkintheprk @zpandaqueen @silkiers@angel-with-a-heart @kdogreads @boofy1998 @theoremrobin @ihatespoilers @2valentines @happy--birthday--kiddo @elissaaa @paleidiot @brie-annwyl @str84pedro @sesigsss @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @palomaluvsdilfs @kyloispunk @tiredbuthappy @yuk-for-president @jazzy-music-cat @anoverhwhelmingdin @dontatmethebeasts @venus122idkpleaze @nopealoupe @blackvelveteen1339 @monboudoir @darleneslane @bbyanarchist @spideysimpossiblegirl @speckledemerald

[takethistoyourstardust]

Mage Ranks the JD2023E Map… Witch

We’re at the second song in the Enter the danceverses play list, and we’re properly introduced to the main villain of this story, Night Swan.

MAP: Witch - Apashe ft. Alina Pash DIFFICULTY: Medium EFFORT: Moderate JD+ NEEDED?: No SEASON: Base game/Enter the danceverses playlist

Let’s channel our inner Odile and see what this map has in store for us!

--

Jesus christ, I don’t think they could’ve found a more fitting song for her. It’s a Ukrainian song, with intense chanting, even more intense orchestration, and the few English lyrics that pop up are sharp punches. And of course, we can’t forget the chant/chatter noise that’s made in the song, which genuinely remind me of a pissed off swan. If you’ve never had the displeasure of interacting with real swans, they are scary. Do Not Fuck With Them Or They Will Kill You. Which is the exact vibe this song, and Night Swan herself, give off.

The dance is absolutely a spike in difficulty compared to the song before it, which makes sense as we’re going from an easy to a medium dance. This dance is elegant with a dangerous edge, controlled, and challenges you to perfect it, especially taking the first gold move into account. Which... I’m sorry, you think my legs can do WHAT??? Absolutely not, but I appreciate the delusion (although in practice it’s not AS bad as it looks). It builds up slowly, and each time you get to the screech, that tension is released, and gets released further by the more intense moves in the choreography.

This dance has an important but unique job; it’s designed to intimidate you. It’s designed to throw in moves that from the outside looking in makes you go “what the HELL does it want me to do?!”, but it also has to be easy enough that you don’t feel like they just slapped you with an insane difficulty spike out of nowhere after CSTF. It’s a delicate balancing job, and one that I think they pulled off almost effortlessly.

And the effortlessness is even more enhanced by our coach.

First off, I need to shout out Night Swan’s actress, Shirley Henault, for not only being able to have such a commanding presence as Night Swan, but for also having appeared in the previous map as Sara. Yeah, Sara and Night Swan are played by the same person, and I would not have been able to tell that just by watching them. When we hit the penultimate song in the playlist, you’ll realize why that’s extra insane.

With that out of the way, I ADORE her look. I’m a sucker for gothic aesthetics, severe makeup, and those nail-claw things that I’ve always wanted to try but know I’ll hate. The feathers all over her cape and the designs on her leotard that evoke both magic and feathers is so good, and fits in with her inspiration. I made a reference to the character Odile at the start, and that’s because Night Swan is very much supposed to be the black swan from Swan Lake, with some inspiration from the movie Black Swan. Even her backstory, a failed ballerina who’s obsession with perfection drove her to madness, is reminiscent of the movie. And one more note, tying back into the fact that Night Swan and Sara share a dancer; the role of Odile and Odette are often portrayed by the same person. Possibly a coincidence.

Slight headcanon, but if they ever reveal her real name, I’m putting money down that says they’ll say her real name was Odette, and not Odile, as Odette is the more well-known name from Swan Lake. But that’s neither here nor there.

What is here is the background. A swan throne in a purple room, filled to the utter brim with her assimilated army, with four more added to the count by the end of the song. Also by the end of the song, she’s invading other worlds. She seems utterly unstoppable in her throne room, with her army. The danceverses are in dire straits, and she’s loving it, as once she’s taken over, there will only be perfection.

After all, good is the enemy of perfect.

And she doesn’t care much for good.

--

GENERAL RATING: THUMBS UP!

SPECIFIC RATING: 9/10

This map did everything it needed to. It intimidates you, it shows you Night Swan’s character, it shows you how much of a threat Night Swan is to our heroes, and it even teases a future coach (who I’m holding off on talking about because I have so many thoughts. So many...). And it does it well. Points were deducted because of the first gold move having the potential to genuinely hurt you if you’re not careful (I speak from experience...), but other than that it’s a damn fine routine.

--

Thank you for reading! We may have been fully introduced to our villain, but not all is lost for are heroes, as we’re about to be introduced to more friend to help us! Next map we’ll be looking at will be the map for Physical! You’re not obligated to follow, but I’m releasing a new ranking every day at noon EST until I’ve covered all the new maps from JD23, so if that interests you, stick around! Have a good day!

~ Mage <3

[myownprivatcidaho]

im sorry but user ************ is SO annoying and gross lmao literally have their url blacklisted thats the only person ive had to do that with fucking DISGUSTING

[qqueenofhades]

Hi Hilary! First of all, I need you to know that you have my utmost respect for how patiently and thoroughly you keep analyzing and explaining the current political clusterfuck regarding *gestures vaguely at everything*. That said, if you feel like a short break from that, I've got an entirely selfish question: if the two dudes in the fic I'm thinking of writing were very old vampires (like 1500 years or the like), what would be a good historical event for them to have vastly conflicting takes on where both viewpoints are more or less equally valid and they can have, uh, heated arguments? Sending you lots of positive vibes 💕

Thank you, my dear. Oh God, how I long for a break from All This Fucking Shit, but I suspect, unfortunately, that all the Shit will keep happening whether I want it to or not, so I have to figure out how to deal with that. On the other hand, I am MORE than happy to talk about something else, and this is an obviously delightful question.

There are a few good choices for your vampires to argue about, depending on exactly how old they are and where in the world they come from. The first possibility is the Council of Nicaea in 325 CE, which set what we recognize as Catholic Christian doctrine and formally outlawed all the other competing textual interpretations. This was the culmination of a HUGE knock-down, drag-out fight, between western and eastern theologies that tried to precisely define the relation of Jesus Christ to God the Father, whether he actually had a human body, whether he had ever actually committed a sin, whether he had ever physically died, and etc. There were countless sects and branches of various size and influence, usually named after their most prominent intellectual figure; i.e., Arianism, Marcionism, etc etc. After two hundred years of heated nerd fights, the Council of Nicaea tried to settle them in the favor of establishing a unified Christian creed (this is where we get the Nicene Creed). If your vampires are of a religious, philosophical, or particular regional bent (since certain geographic areas were more affiliated with certain strands of "heresy" than others), this is an excellent way for them to have the most bogglingly obscure technical/theological arguments known to mankind. MARCIONISM IS JUST REPACKAGED GNOSTICISM!!! yells one. INTOLERANT SANCTIMONIOUS NICENE BASTARD! yells the other. OH MY GOD, GET A ROOM AND ALSO SOME EARPLUGS FOR US, yells everyone else.

Likewise, they could also argue about Justinian and Theodora, Emperor and Empress of the Byzantine Empire in the mid-sixth century (527-65 for Justinian and 527-48 for Theodora). The Secret History by the Byzantinian historian Procopius is both wildly entertaining and shall we say, uh, colorful, and contains all kinds of sexual innuendos and slander about them, particularly Theodora. Justinian was the most influential ruler of the time, there are plenty of political events for the vampires to disagree on, angst related to losing loved ones in the Plague of Justinian, whether Theodora was a no-good scheming con woman or a powerful ambitious badass, what exactly Procopius was smoking, and so forth. They could also argue endlessly over who was really responsible for the end of the Western Roman Empire (c. 476): was it the barbarians, the bad emperors, the endless wars, the overexpansion, the taxes, the natural limits of effective control, etc.? They could also take sides on Carthage v. Rome, though Hannibal and his elephants are much earlier (3rd century BC) and the vampires, unless they're even older, would probably not have known him personally. One of them could likewise have a terrible grudge against the Goths for sacking Rome in 410, and amusingly mistakes every modern "goth" in black nail polish and a spiky collar for a Descendant of the Enemy, while the other one is like oh my god you idiot.

Anyway, if you want more options, let me know, as I am nothing if not good for generating obscure historical background context for fic. We all have to have our talents. :)