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blxetsi · 3 years ago

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armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

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annavysoul · 3 years ago

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I can confirm, they introduced themselves as 3 readers and they made a post how Bee is leaving and starting their own channel. They even made a post to support it and linked the blog, that's how I knew of the Bee drama. But yknow whatever. But they shouldn't demonize those poor future apouses lmao, it's not gonna be them, or any of us.

Warning very long, I got carried away my bad lol

But the drama on tumblr is kinda mild conpared to Youtube "readers". At least the readers here on tumblr try to hide the fact, that they're describing themselves very well but yoooooooo.... Youtube readers are a different breed. Most of them are super young (12-13, but there are a handful of readers old enough to fucking know better) and just straight up describe themselves with no shame. I even found some who put pics of themselves lmao. Me and my friends like to go through readings and bet, who is describing themselves as a spouse. There is one reader who has over 30+ vids on Mrs. J, and most readings are like over 20 mins long. How much is there to know about a person, that doesn't exist yet??? But most YT readers are obssessed with the fact, that Mrs. J is from India, what a coincidence that the reader is also from India lmao. I'm not saying BTS wouldn't ever date someone from that country, I'm saying it's impossible to get a specific country, age, height, religion etc from tarot cards. The pics on the cards might give you clues and the cards can say that the person is different from you, but they go into way too much detail. And it's funny because they're always soooo specific for Jungkook and V, but for the other ones....crickets🦗 On one hand it's so sad bc you have these little girls, putting out their private info, looks and secrets for the whole world to see (these vids have thousands of views) and they don't really grasp the consequences of their actions bc yknow, their just children. The internet never forgets. But on the other hand, you have these grown women who, like I said, should know better than these little girls. Not only do they get so defensive if you don't 100% allign with what they said, they are borderline so obsessed of the idea of being a spouse. Like tf??? Bts aren't Gods. They're very attractive celebs, who's purpose is to entertain people with their contents and music (hence the word idol & entertainer), while they do feed into that perfect bf material scheme, it's up to the fan to not actually develop real romantic feelings (a celeb crush and being a stan is something very different). Most are actually fans for very superficial reasons, they just find them attractive, not the music. And if you take the glitz and glamour of fame and money away, Bts are regular human beings, with flaws and issues. Like. The. Rest. Of. Us. They only show you the best side of them, because it's part of the whole idol package. We truly do not know these people, no matter how sincere or authentic they appear on camera. Like so so many were suprised that they wanted to disband a few years ago, bc they couldn't handle the pressure. These readers always believe if they meet/marry them, their life is going to be better and they feel alive again or smth. Most of these readers actually need therapy, I don't mean that in a condescending way. They imagine that their spouse, a celeb they've never met, will be their sole reason for their happiness and only then they are able to fix their issues and unhappiness. That reeks of co-dependency. And even if they'd become couple and be public, then what? A really big big chunk of Armys are actually in love with Bts, no matter if they even know tarot or not (Armys usually claim that only 2% of the fandom are delulus but that's definetly not true🥴). You'd get send d*eath threats, be harrassed, get doxxed, be hated for all eternity, even if you'd decided to break up. Look what happend with Jk and the tattoo artist he only hugged. She lost her job bc Armys were reporting her, some were trashing her workplace, she got threats, her friends got harassed and doxxed and she lost a friend (Jk). Not only that, but people would legit stalk you and try to hurt you, if you were a romatic partner of Bts. Then you also have the tarot side, who'd try to curse youa nd paint you as the evil demon, who is toxic to member xyz. And I don't think you'd want to spend your entire life locked in your house. And I personally could never deal with like millions of haters, no matter how hot my partner is.

Yoooo! i search again in yt and watch a couple of videos... these are kids for go sake🥺🥺 where are their parents and why they let them public private infoooo?!? internet and children isnt the best combination...

and yess, theres also grown up women and thats really creepy, u can understand that children might do that cause they are young, BUT WHEN U ARE OLD ENOUGH, U SHOULD ACT BETTER!! and i insist, they just trying to prove to themselves and to the world that they are worth it to be with a celebrity, like yeah of course u are worthy, like any of us, but this is not the way u know? its weird, i dont think its sane at all, they just are using the cards to feel better, and thats bs. and if it is just a cope mecanism, plz work on yourself, get help, life its better when u are in a healthy place

also its interesting about mrs being from india and most of all the videos i watch where from indian armys, tarot doesnt work like that, yeah u can feel the energy that its different, perhaps different culture and think that maybe it could be a foreing, but the cards will never tell you something that specific, less if u dont even know in person the people you are reading for

we dont know them at all, and people put them in a such high pedestal just for being famous and hot, so i really have trouble to think that some tarot readers can pick their real energy, im a very intuitive person, but i need to be in the presence of the person to feel their real energy, so to be so specific in a reading they need to energise the cards with the energy of the person, they need to at least shuffle the cards and connect with the reader, sooo thats why i only see these reads as enterteiment, and its bad for the community to claim that we can see ALL of about them.

i'll never forgive the people who threaten the tattoo artist, poor girl, and thats why the guys cant have healthiest relationship, let them have a LIFE

#bts tarot #bts astrology #bts future spouse #mrs jeon #its so sad to think that they are wasting their youth and cant have friends cause some fans would harrass the people they love #like im only one year young than jk and jeez #they work so hard just to have people harass them bc they claim to be their future spouses?#mom plz pick me up #at this ratio all of us will marry bts #call me mrs bts now 🥴#no plz dont

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satorhime · 2 years ago

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hiya there! one piece fan here. the manga was published VERY shortly after my birth, and im a working adult atm. so there's a lot to catch up on. and i mean this in the most honest way possible, there. is. a. lot.

if you want to experience the whole thing from beginning to end, you may have to spend, idk, years? depending on how much free time you want to spend. ofc if you read the manga it cuts down on time, because the anime has fillers every now and then. but some fillers are pretty outstanding and bring some personality to the table.

im not very good of a fan because i like smoother animation. so, ive skipped majority of the manga/anime in favor of watching recent episodes, then reading wiki pages if i get confused about any lore/backstory. btw the recent films starting from one piece film: strong world have god tier animation and were thought up by oda-sensei himself. the great thing about them is that they introduce you to the characters every single film, so they're newcomer-friendly!

but also, one piece is. unmatched in terms of worldbuilding. with like. 20+ years of content and oda-sensei's dedication to the universe, it's staggering to see islands, communities, and people so fleshed out that by the end you either care for them or at least understand where they're coming from --- including some of the worst villains.

it's pretty good. but to get through it, you have to commit but pace yourself or do what i did: pick a place to start and get additional info as needed. one piece is almost as old as i am. not a lot of new readers are picking it up because of its sheer length. but it is rewarding on its own.

one piece makes me want to go on adventures with my friends, make new friends, eat the most delicious food possible, beat up an oppressive government, and learn more about the world. it's an experience, i tell you. and it's worth the time spent.

we're approaching the end of one piece now, which might seem like my little (talented, showstopping, spectacular, etc) brother is retiring from a career that hes been in since he was born or smth, which is odd because im an only child. i'll be sad to see it end, but at the same time i can finally sleep knowing that i can actually read the beginning of one piece all the way to the end if i have the time

p.s. also one piece makes you cry for a fucking boat. thats how good a storyteller oda is.

okay, first of all. can i tell you how beautifully written your ask was? 😭 i felt like you sat me down to tell me a story and i’m just… OKAY WOW. if you’re not already a writer, you need to get in those drafts asap and write something oh my god 🫣💕 but anyways, you truly sold me on at least giving it a try. i feel a little intimidated because most fans seem to be like you and grew up with the show. i regret not watching more anime with my older brother tbh. BUT I WANT TO GIVE IT A TRY. if i can rewatch almost 20 seasons of grey’s anatomy, i can watch one piece. you better not leave me because i’m going to have to talk to you about it OKAY 😤😤

#꒰ 🍰 ꒱ ﹕ཿ ࿓ sweetbox #when you said it was like a little brother my eyes started stinging #you know those parents that are like ‘why aren’t you on the court with lebron’ when they see a tall kid?#that’s me @ you #why aren’t you in front of a computer writing some FICS

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sour-n-salty-citrus · 3 years ago

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Do you have any hopes for the season finale? I saw in another ask, you described the dynamic between rick and morty this season as "very weak, distant, and downright frankly boring" and I completely agree with you! I hope that, because this is most we'll see rick and morty interacting this season, it'll have at least a few moments of what makes their dynamic so interesting to watch.

(Ok i started airing my grievances with this season, which ended up being... long, so skip this paragraph (starting at / / /) to get to my thoughts on the finale)

Oh gosh I remember that ask (I think-). And yeah, maybe I'm being a bit overly critical. I'll probably look back on this season with retrospect, and a kinder, fonder view. Ik androgynousblackbox (think thats right) made a great point about it being the season FOR rickorty shippers. And sure, I agree on some bits, like Rick acting all pissy and partying the way you would if your ex got with someone new in the planetina ep. Overall though, i think my problem lies in that I was enjoying more individual moments than episodes themselves, especially the middle three. For example- Amortycan Grickfitti. Like, I really liked the idea of the Ship getting on a crazy adventure with Summer and Morty (and Chutback). I like the idea of a Beth-Jerry-Rick adventure. But put together, it's just kinda... meh? You know? I liked the first half of the Thanksgiving special... but it kinda dragged on after that. I get that they want to give other characters (particularly female ones) more attention, which is completely understandable and i encourage it(!) but I can't help but find it underwhelming. Like, Summer in the voltron ep was like- girl how are you STILL vying for Rick's attention! He's the worst! Haven't we done this already? (I will say though I ADORE how far Beth has come, props to her for continuing to seeing through her dad's BS. I was worried the character would relapse into a more typical s1/s2 Beth, and I'm glad she didn't). Some of these plots, funnily enough, seem more fitting of the comics (they actually had a voltron parody already). Fun and entertaining for two or three-something issues, not so much a 22 minute episode. i think most of my complaints come from the dynamic between our titular characters- ok, I know I'm very biased (I mean you can see it), but I came to the show primarily for their relationship. It doesn't even feel drama-fueled, just that they kinda... can't be arsed. I'm torn because on the one hand, they're unhealthily codependent and this separation is probably a good thing, but on the other... it doesn't feel natural? I'm not sure if that's the right word- it's like, season 4 had them practically joint at the hip, but all that's suddenly flung out the window. It just kinda feels like this "i got better things to do" vibe from both of them and its strange. The only time they both got a solo adventure (I'm classifying "solo" as an adventure where they spent a significantly large portion of time together, without the other family members) was in the sperm ep and Thanksgiving ep. And, well, in the Thanksgiving ep Morty felt like a side character in his own show, and the sperm ep... um. Yeah. I don't think it's AS bad as people were saying, but I was cringing the whole time (the second hand embarrassment for Morty was so strong I had to turn off the episode multiple times and return to it. It's just like- godammit MORTY). And I think there's good reason those two seemed to be the most disliked episodes overall. They're the ones RaM spend the most time together and it's... meh. Meh? Meh. I don't mean to say the season overall is bad (it has loads of good points, and its amazing for Smith family as a whole) just that if we're talking specifically about the dynamic between these two? Yeah, I wouldn't recommend a single episode from this season so far to use as an example of their relationship.

/ / /

There's one thing this season has been pretty good at, though. And it's showing us what happens when Rick is alone.

And that brings me to the finale.

"Who is Rick without Morty?"

Well... we already know the answer to that. Pathetic. Sad. Lonely.

This season has been phenomenal in humbling Rick. (And trust me I'm happy for it- every time someone beats the crap outta this shitty old man I'm like YES!!! IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES!). Ep 1 had his "nemesis" clearly besting him, ep 2 had Beth making constant digs (love her) and overall pointing out his extreme callousness and cruelty towards even himself(ves). Ep 3- when Morty shows interest in a girl and ditches him (like seriously it's not like he's moving out, chill) he immediately goes on a bender and develops a deep attachment to the first person he can (wearing yellow, funnily enough). Ep 4, he devotes himself to becoming an "honest man" for his new child, only for it to instantly be taken away from him. Ep 5 highlights how RICK is the asshole for making fun of and taking advantage of someone well-meaning and honest, if "simple", and how literally not cool that is. Ep 6 has his crazy rivalry with the president, and they both get smacked down a couple pegs for that. Ep 7 shows what happens when he allows himself to get carried away, and that he can end up driving everyone else away in the process (lucky they still wanted to save his ass when he needed them). And episode 8? Hooooo boy. Episode. 8. We see a direct parallel in Birdperson with Morty, and the whole "Rick and [insert] 100 years!" Rick has few people he cares about, arguably only one or two that he truly devotes himself to, but when he does, boy does he go HARD. We see younger Rick, optimistic, energetic, friendly and hopeful. And we see all of that crushed in minutes. Rick is desperate for a companion, someone to see the stars with. He needs someone there, someone he can trust and rely on to stay. Someone like Morty. So without Morty, who is Rick?

No one.

And the thing is, Morty doesn't need Rick anymore. Not like Rick needs him. In season 1, Morty was this bright-eyed kid who was new to the cosmos and the multiverse, who needed his grandpa there with him as they explored all these places together. But that's not him anymore. That's not them.

The promo has Morty using the portal gun to go somewhere w/o Rick's permission (i like to think it's boob world lol). It doesn't matter to me as much where he's going, as much as he's doing it alone. He doesn't just not need Rick there, he doesn't want him.

(Also correct me if im wrong but I've missed that sweet portal gun so much. I think the last ep was like- the first time this season we saw it).

Morty's response to Rick? "Replace me!". And wow. Wow. WOW. Morty doesn't give a FUCK! I think Rick thinks that because he's so smart, that he can offer so much, that Morty will come crawling back, and I don't think he will.

Hopes for the finale! Hmm. I mean, I definitely hope "evil" Morty makes a reappearance, haha. I think we all do tbh ;). I want to see some Morty development too, this season has been very Rick-centric (not that there's anything wrong with that!) so I wanna see what's in store for Our Boy. I really hope we get to see the Citadel again, and see the state it's in, but I doubt it. We know something super big is in store, it's just a question of what? Other hopes I have is some Summer + Beth action (please let them team up Im BEGGING) and Jerry too ahaha. I'd love if some other side characters made an appearance as well. Oh- I'm definitely expecting a dramatic cliffhanger at the end of the first half leading to the second half, with the kind of angsty music that leads into the credits (pls that shit is so good (OH WAIT imagine if it was like, for the damaged coda, but like- the chopin version or smth so it could be more subtle maybe bruhhhh)). Ok haha, maybe that's asking too much, the writers made it clear in the story train ep that they weren't gonna do that big dramatic showdown (... unless 👀). Oh, I'd also love some Premium Angst too, like someone getting kidnapped/nearly dying (like ACTUALLY nearly dying). These stakes better be so damn high I could spear a man on them! OH, also I remember androgynousblackbox (is that right? I hope it is) mentioned something along the lines that they could be driving Rick and Morty apart this season in order to have them come back together stronger than ever in an explosive finale, which, I'm strongly hoping for myself.

Thanks if you made it this far! If you have any thoughts on or hopes of your own for the finale please feel free to share! :D

#ohmygod im sorry #i rambled way too long #akdjsksaksn #someone needs to take this phone away #also AGAIN im not shitting on s5 as a whole i actually quite like it #its just the RaM dynamic thats lacking #but again that could be intention so ig we'll see #RaM #rick and morty #meta #?#long post #citrus speaks #oh wait i should probably tag to be safe #rickorty mention

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lunar-lair · 3 years ago

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ok say hello to my insanely new oc who ive made entirely to be a villain who is still an excellent adult and a decent parent, probably. cares too much abt kids. think reigen mob psycho with a drop or two of milla. worked under Nick From The Mailroom and was actually in on his scheme.

has always been rather cold and brash towards adults, but is more caring towards kids. in my brain he has a brooklyn type accent? rough and tumble, walks around without a tie, yknow? they keep him cause he sorts mail real good, though.

(added a read more because this got INSANELY LONG AKSKSK i spent like an hr on this h)

he was a delugeionist, but only because he kinda just wanted to rip the world apart a little; lysandre vibes, thinks a lot of it is scum and needs to go. thinks the *psychonauts* are scum and need to go. hes psychic but suppressed it, think aquato parents but extra toxic about it, and straight up just saying being psychic is unnatural. wouldnt go to loboto parent lengths tho. so he adopted that thought of 'being psychic is unnatural and wrong', which contributed to a lot of self hate that was never learned out. likely, he realizes hes a shitty person and thinks he needs to go too. so like...yknow hank, dbh? kinda the vibe im gettin right now. way more formal, of course, and while usually gruff, is more polite when its needed; can and *will* beat the shit out of you verbally in a factual way, though, and can talk more street-lingo if hes talkin to real thugs. (probably winged it on his own after failing college or smth, hes got the vibes.)

anyways, its this plot where he slinks off and starts planting mistrust in the psychonauts or something. and inevitably he just...shows up and starts kidnapping people. dismantling things from the inside and all that. he left and formed a group who also hated psychics at some point, likely friends of his parents and friends of friends, all from his hometown. all of them fight *insanely* dirty, and a lot of them are insanely vulgar. the kids are supposed to be kept away.

but theres a line to follow here.

this man is a fold to raz. hates the psychonauts, hates being psychic, adopted his parent's hate of psychics, hates the *world.* raz is young and unburdened and unjaded...mostly. hes not the shock of water some young characters can be when it comes to being the foils of other characters; think steven with a villain or something, right? but raz is sassy and a little jaded, and not total sunshine positivity.

hes a child this man could look down on and not be immediately annoyed by, who is worried by yet respects raz's realization of the world as it is, however little that is.

and yet raz is still his foil. he still mostly loves the psychonauts, despite it all, he loves being psychic, for the most part, he dodged adopting his parents previous values, he still seems to have an even view of the world as a whole.

raz is jaded, if only a little, but he moved past it and accepted that things could still be bright. this man is jaded, but he stayed in his stormclouds, never looked for the sun.

ok where. was i. RIGHT ok so. at the beginning of this...story? the man finds raz being talked down to by one of the office workers; someone with weak psychic powers whos insanely jealous of his prowess. an adult who envies the young prodigy. and theyre giving him some insane task to do, like cleaning all of the closets within the hour, but hes saved the world twice, so he smiles and nods along, because he said he would help around the motherlobe, and this adult is asking him to do something that seems simple enough.

and this guy, internally, goes 'bitch.' for a good long second bc 1. dude even if you envy a kid, kinda fucked to show that?? not their fault 2. WHY are you asking a 10 year old to do that. why is there a 10 year old here. holy shit thats a 10 year old oh my god hes so tiny (no one told him there was a 10 year old because they knew hed stomp right up to management but. regardless. he is going to stomp up to management after this and no one can really stop him. except maybe raz well see)

so yknow. dude fixes his slight slouch and walks forward and politely tells this woman that 1. hes 10 why are you jealous of him and 2. hes 10????????? and shes like shit hes 10. and apologizes. and walks away

and raz is VERY ?? bc she was doing what? why is him being 10 important? and its that young part of you that gets pissed when people try to keep you from doing things because youre young and hes DEFINITELY yet to learn that piling responsibilites that should be handled by adults onto a child is fucked up in its own special way (looking at you ford, *nick*)

and the dude calmly explains because yea. he gets that. and he still sounds gruff and a little peeved but he squats down to razs height and he talks simply and factually, telling him straight on why it isnt right.

and. huh. people dont really do that for raz. except for sasha, sometimes, everyone likes to dodge the truth a lot with him, because hes 10, and sometimes, hes too nice to tug it out of them.

and this guy, this man that raz is already polishing a trophy for 'good adulting' in the back of his brain with his striking statements about how adults should handle things and kids should-kids should...get to have fun. not be traumatized.

for the shock on his face when raz said hed already saved the world a couple times, whats some closets. he reigned it in, said that its weird he saved the world, because thats usually their jobs.

and this guy offers his hand on instict before he stands up, even though he doesnt seem very sweet and kind like the adults that usually offer raz a hand. and he takes it, i think. he takes it.

warm. warm, a little nice.

reminds raz of his dad, maybe. he wonders if this man has any kids himself, but keeps his mouth shut, because he thinks he already has the answer, and its yes.

(he doesnt have any. he would wish he did, but he knows hed fail to raise them right.)

and when he stands, he asks raz what he was asking that woman for, and he says hes doing tasks around the motherlobe because his papers are still coming in. the man doesnt ask. (he knows what 'papers' means, realizes this is the tiny junior psychonaut every room in the damn place has been buzzing about, and he has fucking words for forsythe.) he just offers for the kid to sort mail under his supervision.

and that sounds boring. at least, it usually would.

this man is interesting, and a good...person? a good adult? hes...hes new. hes new, and calm, and a little like sasha but a lot not, and he thinks he trusts him.

so raz grins and says yea, mail sorting sounds nice.

(debatably, raz does not take his hand. hes too jaded when it comes to adults. debatably, he does not feel any warmth from this man who has taught him every adult has been telling him wrong. debatably, im projecting. but thats the whole point of ocs, hm?)

and then holes crop up in motherlobe systems. people are kidnapped.

raz keeps seeing the strange man, keeps telling him things, keeps hearing back, gruff and factual and a little annoyed, but raz can almost-just-barely tell its not at him, with the way he talks.

he can tell. he can tell.

he can never tell. this man is making sure he can tell.

raz trusts the man, is still polishing that trophy for 'best adulting' he has settling in the back of his mind.

and then the man comes with a militia.

he did not seem jaded. he did not seem hateful. he never showed any anger or hate towards raz.

but thats because he knows kids dont deserve it.

an excellent moral or two. a rotten, broken heart.

and at first, they keep the kids away, because these people fight dirty, because this isnt their battle, because the man has been sending emails about why 15 year olds are in a secret psychic agency.

(he does not mention raz. by razs second visit, he had just marked the boy down as another reason to hate the psychonauts as a whole, and especially its higher ups.

hes also regretting his alliance to nick by about the third. if he had known the man would puppet a child as if they were a toy, he would have organized his own rebellion ages ago.)

but eventually, the psychonauts need all hands on deck.

they send the children to find the missing agents.

the interns are fought on the way. some of them avoid the child, know the boss would pummel them.

they get to the base, and the strange man, the one with the broken trophy for 'best adult' (still barely-polished, because hes still so sure) still nestled in the back of razs brain, is still there.

the junior psychonauts are spotted. one of the guards throws a few rocks aimlessly.

they surprise them. one almost hits raz.

its intercepted instead.

and the other junior psychonauts watch as this man, their enemy, a villain, in their eyes, reprimands the other man for even accidentally daring, for even trying. for doing something they might have done just a month or so ago, if they had decided he was too much weirder than they already had.

and he yells something like, "Why the hell is he even here?! This is an enemy base, of whats a rebellion! This is a *10 year old*! What kind of adult sends a child *near* something like that?!" and he truly sounds angry this time, raz finds. hes too angry to keep it in. he still sounds gruff and oddly proper. raz is standing there, arms hanging. hes baffled in a specific way, the way he was every time the man's brow furrowed when he mentioned a harrowing story, the way he was the first day they met.

and he asks, a little quiet, a little small, a reminder of how young he really is, "Why are you still trying to keep me safe? We're supposed to be enemies now."

And his brow furrows further before flattening out, and he tilts onto one leg, and he swears he almost kneels to a knee.

He cant believe it. He really cant.

"You're 10." he says simply, softly, that factual way. "You shouldn't even be here."

and raz pauses. the interns freeze.

"...well, here I am."

and i think...it would be so intriguing if this was done halfway out of the mind, because this man is so against anything psychic. it would be so *compelling.*

so raz steps forward and asks again, asks why hes doing this.

and the mans eyes harden, he tries to turn off that soft heart, trying to remind himself of all that he hates. because he hates the psychonauts, because he sort of hates the world.

and raz asks why he could ever hate the psychonauts, head tilted, before listing off the few he knows to be true. but other than that, how? and ok, the world sucks a little, yea, hes seen that, gets that.

and he appreciates that this kid isnt totally gung ho about existence.

but he hates that he isnt, too.

and its this back and forth. everything the man hates, why he hates it. raz saying why its good but admitting why its bad.

and hes swayed, just a little.

but the man stands up from the kneel hed inevitably instinctively put himself into, and walks forward, hand held out yet again.

"You shouldn't be in the Psychonauts," he tells him, soft, factual, brow furrowed. "Come with me. I'll bring you back to your parents, or wherever it is you want to go."

raz contemplates. thinks, for a long moment.

he grabs the mans hand, warm and firm, yet again, for a terrifying moment.

before he reaches up to slap a mental door on his forehead, and astral projects into it.

he thinks this man is good. thinks hes just jaded.

thinks hes the best adult hes ever met, one who just happens to hate a lot of things.

hes only 10.

hes not letting someone who can tell him so clearly whats wrong and right for adults to tell him go that easily.

aaaand yknow. raz does his razzy thing. learns about why the guy hates the world and the psychonauts and himself. helps him learn that its not all bad, that he was excellent to raz, and still is, that things can be bad and good all at once.

the man concedes that raz is very capable, very smart, and can do a lot. but that doesnt mean he should have to.

raz tells him, though, that he likes working for the psychonauts. its his dream. and he realizes some things he was told to do were kinda screwed up, now. that maybe, in honesty, he was dealt a bad hand.

but hes done what he can with that hand, and he ended up with a royal flush.

and uh! yknow!! then raz leaves his mind and he calls off the rebellion! its like a rhombus of ruin type adventure, except without the villain being present beforehand. its just not clustered in insanely close with a ton of other wild shit.

anyways this got really long? sorry?? its an oc i just saw good adult and slight father vibe potential in the vibe i instantly got on him and then i went feral???? rip maybe someone will read this and if you did. congrats i honestly really liked how the whole foil and good-yet-bad and consideration of raz being 10 thing worked out. this oc is almost like our representative in the psychonauts world the way reigen is for the audience in mp100. yea :) i match them up a lot but thats just cause they vibe a lot. anyways its 1:40 am now and i spent abt an hour on this hope it vibed mildly byeeee

#GOD THAT GOT LONG. ALSMSKKS APOLOGIES OH MH GOD #psychonauts #psychonauts oc #and my personal tag:#pn oc #trash talks #long post #like! insanely long!!!!!!! i am so so sorry maybe i should make a cut #psychonauts 2 spoilers #like a lot tbh alskssk #OK READMORE SUCCESSFULLY ADDED!!! THNX GOOGLE <3

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tartagliaxx · 4 years ago

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hi lei!! my break has officially started so i don't have to stress about school for a bit!! today i played through venti's and childe's story quest to help decide which one i wanna use my pity on and honestly i was more affected by childe's than i thought,,hes starting to form a place in my heart the whole thing made me kinda cringe and have second hand embarssment because of his lying but seeing how much he cared for his brother was so sweet,,,i have a complicated relationship with my family and seeing their dynamic made me feel a sense of yearning i guess,,i cried it about it earlier and childe provided me a sense of comfort but I wanna know more about him before i just let him be my comfort character there are requirements and rules he has to meet!! giving me comfort is a full time job!!/j i'm gonna read his wiki tonight and i'm respectfully asking you my favorite childe lover for your hcs on him- 🍰

hello bby!!! i just woke up from a nap so this may or may not have come late. anw, im glad you’re finally getting a break! venti and childe’s quests gave me different sets of feelings but those two are my favorite along w zhongli’s! childe does a lot of unjustifiable things and he’s overall, a pretty bad person but the thing about bad people is that they’re never 100% bad. there’s always some semblance of good in their hearts and that makes you connect to them in a sense. while i don’t exactly agree w his methods, childe loves his brother sm and it shows. i want someone to protect me the same way he does w his family smh.

random childe hcs under the cut!

— childe sleeps awkwardly w his useless long limbs sprawled out so there’s never enough space when sharing a bed w him.

— thats a win for him tho bc he’s the hugest cuddler teyvat has seen. without fail, whoever sleeping w him would wake up to his arm securely around their waist or their head, legs tangled loosely together.

— he sleeps the closest to the door and windows. its a safety habit of his. whoever wants to harm the people he’s closest to will have to go through him first and that’s a fact even under the blanket of slumber.

— he likes spending obnoxious amounts of money for gifts but he also makes handmade trinkets just as often. maybe woodwork? little toys or trinkets that he makes on his downtime. those trinkets always come with special little notes or letters, depending on how much free time he has.

— what i mean is it ranges from “thinking of you. love, ajax” to “the weather in liyue is cooler than normal but not nearly cold enough to compare to the weather over there. i just came back from work related duties and while camping, i made this little something for you.”

— if someone he cares about gets injured because of their clumsiness, he would tease them first before helping them. he’s a jerk but that doesn’t mean he isn’t concerned. actually, he’s the type to blow things out of proportion.

— you sprained your ankle? he’ll laugh and tease you for being so clumsy and when you start pouting and refusing his help? he’s the type to leave you behind and come back a few moments later with a wheelchair or smth as you sulk about his lack of concern. if you still refuse his help? he’ll ride the wheelchair himself and spin around acting as if he’s having the best time of his life (he is.)

— also, watch him carry you in his arms everywhere despite your embarrassment and insistence that you can walk hobble your way around.

— if someone hurt you? call an ambulance but not for him that’s a story for another time and it’s not gonna be sparkles and fairy tales.

— childe has a very high eq/emotional intelligence. partnered w his very observant nature, he knows exactly what everyone is feeling.

— expect your favorite comfort food, a bunch of comfy blankets, a mug of your favorite warm drink and all other stuff you like if you’re feeling even the slightest bit down. he’ll spoil you w everything if he’s unfortunately too busy to be there w you.

— but if he can force someone else to do his share of work and his work is not too important, then he would stay and cuddle you all day. one moment you’re laying against his chest as you read a book and the next, you’re the little spoon in bed as he peppers you w sweet words and kisses. he won’t force you to talk abt it but he will willingly lend an ear if you want to talk about it.

— if he sees that whatever troubles you is becoming bad-bad then he will gently pry it out of you for your own sake. he just wants to help as best as he could bc a frown would never belong to your pretty face.

— pls i want that. but you know what else i want?

— when childe is the one needing help, his first instinct is to hide behind a mask but if you successfully wormed your way into his heart, he’ll let you see how lonely and broken he truly is.

— cradle his head to your chest and he’ll nuzzle his head closer to you. he loves the rhythm of your heartbeat. it grounds him. run a hand through his hair and he’ll weakly whimper. don’t mention it tho or else he’ll pull away out of shame.

— after basking in your warmth and affection, childe will look up w a dopey smile and the most lovestricken eyes you could ever see. he loves too much and now, he loves you.

— he’s very open w his affection and if you reciprocate? he will protect you until the end of time and love you ever so unconditionally.

— to childe, love means one thing and that’s family. if he loves you, you’re now part of his dysfunctional family and he makes it his life’s purpose to do everything to make his family smile.

— congrats. you’re now part of tonia’s permanent guest list for tea parties and teucer’s favorite play buddy second only to childe. sure you may never have met them, but he speaks about you so much in his letters that they feel like they’ve known you forever.

— oh and you might as well pack up and live in snezhnaya bc after meeting them once at childe’s insistence, they, too, have fallen in love w you and they’re just as stubborn as our man, childe.

* * *

not sure what kind of hcs u wanted so i added a little of everything. this is my best sales talk so bby, come into my arms and join the ‘i love childe’ cult.

#lei.answers #withlove.🍰#childe #childe headcanons #genshin #childe hcs

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unholyplumpprincess · 4 years ago

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Good Boy

For Anon who asked: nnnnot sure if this is a full prompt or not but. bloodhound realllly teasing gibralter? like. edging consistently for a week or so till all gib can think about it bein a Good Boy for bloodhound? idk if thats smth ud be into w those two BUT

Gibhound is my weakness and I wrote more than a drabble oopsie daisy!!!

Reblogs > Likes

Fandom: Apex Legends

Relationship: Gibraltar/Bloodhound

Warnings: NSFT/R18+, Gibraltar gets his dick sucked like he’s gonna die, orgasm denial and edging mentioned, face fucking, Bloodhound’s various body mods mentioned (piercings + Tattoos), calling someone a good boy, kinda d/s in case that ain’t ya style!

Words: 1.5k

________________

Bloodhound had the patience of a god.

What more could you expect from the apex predator? A hunter renowned even among the very gods they worshipped? Patience was one of their strongest attributes. It took patience to hunt, it took patience to analyze a potential mate, and it took patience to successfully woo said mate into being theirs.

Not that Makoa was anything but a prize to be won, truly a beautiful specimen that they adored with all their heart. They had wooed him with soft letters and gentle words, carefully opening their heart to him as he did his arms to them. A home made in the shape of a man with the biggest heart they’d ever seen.

And yet, patience may have been delicious to receive during their romantic months- Makoa, in turn, did not like their patience for things in the bedroom.

~Rest under the cut~

A week. A full week they would bring him to the edge in bed. They liked to tease him, insisting on pushing all the right buttons. Kissing his neck, biting his ear, growling in it and grinding their hips into his as they rested atop his lap. Makoa would beg, grab their hips with desperation and encourage them to keep going, dry hump up into them and whine about how unfair they were being.

They would always murmur for him to let go, licking up his neck to nibble at his jawline and lift their hips up so Makoa would be forced to shake and shudder. Leaking in his pants and choking on a sob of need as Bloodhound would kiss him gently and ease him back into a normal, but desperate state.

Bloodhound loved to edge him. It was a game, really, and Makoa became in tune with everything they did. In the arena, it was even more torturous if they were the one coming after him. He’d just feel the need to bare his throat when they climbed atop him, gently resting their foreheads together and cooing about how they won before using their hatchet to end him personally.

And he’d wake up in the medical bay, hard, in tears and have to take a cold shower.

Bloodhound knew what they were doing. But furthermore, they had consent. Before they even began this teasing, they had asked if it was something he thought he could handle. Makoa, loving a challenge, had eagerly agreed and said how hard could it be!

Day three is when he had started to realize how bad they meant to tease him.

Seven days in, Bloodhound is just now coming from the shower. They have a sports bra on and their gray sweatpants hanging low on their wide hips. Their tattoos, scars, almost everything on display on their glistening skin. They have their hair pulled up into a ponytail, still dry from not washing it this time around with a few curls framing their face. They look beautiful and deadly as they pad into the bedroom, only to glance over at the bed where Makoa rests.

He’s naked. His own wavy hair curling around his face and free of his bun. His hands rest in his own hair, gripping with his legs slightly spread to show his hard, fat cock resting against his abdomen.

Just like Bloodhound had left him.

Before they’d showered, they’d worked him up, grinding in his lap before cooing about needing a shower and told him to wait for them. If he waited, they would reward him greatly.

“What a good boy. Did you not touch yourself at all?” They croon like a preening bird, stalking closer to the bed as Makoa whimpers and lightly shakes his head. His fingers tighten in his hair, his shut eyes parting open to peek down at them where they slide between his legs.

One clawed hand gently cups his balls, hearing his breath hitch as their own full lips quirk in a dangerous grin. They let their thumb gently follow the seam, up to his cock where their other hand wraps around the base and gives a fluid stroke.

Immediately Makoa’s hips lurch up- desperate for their touch as he chokes on a cry. “Fuck, baby-” He practically sobs, turning his head to the side and full body shuddering. He’s far too pent up, too sensitive, it all felt far too good.

“Perhaps,” Bloodhound gently chuckles back, “But I fear you are too sensitive for such an event...I did promise you a reward, though, my love, and you shall receive.”

Their words are promising as they shift to gently tug at Makoa. He follows until he can sit on the edge of the bed, watching them move to the floor to rest on their knees. Helplessly his cock jerks when they reach up to tighten their ponytail, tucking a loose strand of hair behind their pierced ear to prepare.

“Hound...” He murmurs adoringly, watching them as Bloodhound peeks up at their nickname, cocking their head to the side in that puppy-like manner they always did. Except their eyes gleam with mischief as they hum fondly back at him.

When they stroke his cock to pull back foreskin and reveal the flushed head, their full lips wrap around the head of his cock and the sight alone makes Makoa cry out. His hands immediately fly for their head, but he only rests a hand encouragingly at the base of their ponytail just to hold. The other grabs at the sheets next to his hip, his head falling forward so he doesn’t miss the show.

They’re always so pretty like this. Treating his cock like a treat as they suckle on the head, pulling off to lick down the base and coming right back up. Sometimes they part their mouth to show their glinting double canines, sticking out their pierced tongue and gently slapping his cock on their tongue, leaving a string of pre-cum attached that they greedily lick up.

Makoa is sensitive and they know it, making a show of it as they gently cup his balls and squeeze. One hand stroking his cock as their cheek rests against the shaft and they coo up at him, “Such a good boy. You have been so good for me all week. Letting me do whatever I wished.”

The praise gets him, his hips jerking up but only succeeding in smearing pre-cum across their cheek and making them filthy. The sight alone is enough to make him whimper, seeing them disheveled always did something to him. Especially when they tilt their head to the side to nose at his cock, parting their lips to lick heavily across the head.

“Consider this your reward. You may use me how you like.” They murmur against his silken flesh, pressing a wet, sloppy kiss to the head and near making Makoa cum right then and there if it wasn’t for the red hot desire coursing through him.

With shaking fingers he guides them by their ponytail to the head of his cock. Letting them lap and suckle there before gently pressing down to feel their resistance. When he finds none, he whimpers and pushes them down until they’re about halfway down on his cock. There’s a small adjustment where Makoa stands up, letting Bloodhound scoot back a bit and curl their fingers on his thighs to brace themself.

When Makoa starts fucking their mouth, they make the prettiest face with their eyebrows knitted and eyes half lidded as they look up at him. They paw at his thighs, clawing with soft whines in their own throat that can hardly be heard over the sound of his groans and grunts.

“Yes- shit, just like that.” Makoa whines out, hips slapping forward once and making Hound’s nose bury in his mound. Their fingers scrabble briefly, relaxing their throat to let him remain buried. The sight of their lashes fluttering and their cheeks flushed does it for him.

When he cums, he does so with a cry of ‘Thank you’s. His face twists beautifully in pleasure, tucking his head to the side as his eyebrows knit and his hips jerk weakly. After the first two jerks he pulls from their throat, whimpering under his breath when they know exactly what he wants. Their lips part again, sticking out their tongue where he grip his own cock, resting the head there and cumming all across their canines and tongue. His other hand stroking their hair with Makoa’s desperate whimpers softening.

Exhausted and overstimulated, Makoa plops back onto the bed with a shudder and his entire body looking way less taut than before. He briefly makes out the feeling of kisses up his legs and thighs before Bloodhound is joining him on the bed, pressing their lips together and making Makoa taste himself on their mouth.

His cock gives another interested twitch when they part, Bloodhound’s chuckle resounding in his ear as they nip the lobe. “Who owns you, my love?”

Makoa lets out a soft laugh in turn, too weak to come up with something witty as he turns his head and pecks their nose.

“You. Every bit of me.”

“Good boy.”

#Gibhound #Gibraltar x Bloodhound #Gibraltar #Bloodhound #Apex lemons #apex legends #nsft #lemon #princess writing

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latinozevran-archive · 3 years ago

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6am thinking abt johan fans again the extent to which they bother me rly is haunting i love going on the monster reddit bc ppl rly do say the funniest shit but oh my god the number of johan fans or willful misinterpretations of monster or comparisons to fucking akjsdfhkasdf aot on there are so scary. and its easy to be like well its reddit what else were u expecting but the thing is this isnt limited to reddit users lmao. i see it on here ive seen it on random forums ive seen it in bad youtube videos em and i have watched together to make fun of after wondering if this one will be different and finally say something smart and in this regard i think monster really does bring all white goyim together in giving out free pairs of clown shoes to be dense as hell abt its themes to the point of actively disturbing.

just positively insane to me that u can find entire, extremely lengthy analyses of the story and johan as a character that don’t mention the word eugenics one single time like i rly do think it is utterly fascinating that anyone could watch/read monster and come away not reading it as an extremely heavy-handed impressively damning indictment of the scars eugenics white supremacy and nazism left upon late 20th century europe.. and it has many other broader themes but personally do see them as all explored through this lens specifically. like i am well aware that johan often rejects his many ties to white supremacy, and i don’t think it is accurate to label him allied with those forces, but his agency over that allyship/the absence of it is remarkably fragile, and ultimately, regardless of what little will the narrative provides his character, he is still a product of that legacy.

and i will say i think there are a lot of reasonable ppl for whom this part still resonates who still like him. so this next part is where we rly start to lose one another bc i feel like the missing link here is that i see his rejection of the neo-nazis in the story as smth that only reiterates his position as a kind of embodiment of white supremacy—it isn’t a matter of making him more human. instead it is crucial to establish that johan is neither the origin nor a driving force behind the propagation of post-WWII white supremacist ideals. which is true! and an essential part of the discussions monster raises abt the depth of the roots these things grow... bc despite his total lack of interest in becoming a new hitler or fulfilling his destiny as a tool of white supremacy, he is literally EXPLICITLY not divorced from white supremacist motives of his own free will, either

and thisssss is where i completely lose touch with so many monster fans. like i rly do have to ask then where exactly ppl are willing to draw the line between an acceptable amount of nazi affiliation to not loathe a character or pity them beyond vague feeling of damn that sucks. urasawa very clearly very straight forwardly makes a point of stating for the reader at the Beginning of the story before u learn almost anything else about him that he would visit a proud ex-nazi daily as a child to seek out advice and counsel and knowledge. and just as he does not give into neo-nazi plots, he does not condemn them, either, in any truly meaningful way. he is, through and through, no matter what, a reflection of all of the darkest parts of the world around him . when a child is made a mirror for monstrosity, what else is the world going to call him.. like that is the whole point. and as far as I can tell, he never really breaks out of that mold or intends to besides whatever arguments u wanna make abt the end but thats another conversation altogether..

and so i really do think monster is a beautiful and brilliant exploration of widespread, normalized denial.... people are so quick to be disgusted with johan and how brutal the consequences of his actions are when he merely reflects their own ugliness. and that is why tenmas being neither white nor european is so crucial to his role as the protagonist who proves that such ugliness is not inherent to humanity and is without question man-made.. the capacity for infectious hatred and destruction is only the product of a world that not only allows for it but actively incentivizes it... so johan is those cultural standards made manifest, and he, too, is just as similarly manufactured to be that way, just like all of the hatred and violence around him....................................................

and i honestly just wish i knew why ppl were capable of forming attachments to him the way they are.. bc on the one hand it leaves me at a loss but on the other hand i think the most upsetting thing about it is the gut feeling i get thinking about it abt the underlying truth there that its not surprising to me at all and thats a sad truth to have to admit to yourself but like. these narratives have been so integral to my entire life raised on minimally child censored holocaust education as i was so there is an extent to which it is simply hard to swallow how little people care unless someone forces them to. and yet :)

#o #throws this in my #monster #tag.#:)#yes this is 900 words.

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startwithbrooklyn · 3 years ago

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THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that 😂)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

#brooklyn's ND primer #nancy drew cw #the Great Rewatch of 2021 #you best start believing in ghost stories miss drew - you're in one

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woozi · 3 years ago

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the thirst tweets yza 😭😭😭 i cannot. as much as fun this was, we were so close to getting jaebs with cats <//3

headlocking sk 😭😭 DJJDSKSK i would stand there like wonu clapping in the soop, for you <3. it's hindi ( actually it's my 2nd language but i speak in it the most w ppl outside of family djdjdjk ) my mother tongue is almost dwording djdjdkdk </3 i think im last gen who still speaks it, kids these days only know hindi or english.

ALSO!!! the footwork in senses choreo???? i liked it sm <3 yugyeom makes it look so easy to move like that?!?

same jdjdkddk godddd sometimes it takes a month to complete a drama which i like and started on my own will and sometimes it only takes 3 days. it doesn't matter how much i love something if i won't watch it, then I won't watch or consume it at all 💀.

ohhh, i've known jamie as an after school club mc first and singer second. like there was this time i was suddenly obsessed w eric nam's before we begin album i think around that time i first listened to one or two songs of jamie ( it was all spotify's doing jddjks) but then i forgot abt both and went back to listening to my regular ones. honestly i feel like i've gotten to know and appreciate jype artists ( those i know ) more, only after they've changed agencies it could just be me or my timing tho djdjdjh. have you listened to hanbin's solo album? honestly it's been no.1 album from 1st half of 2021 for me. i was not even looking forward to it or even knew djdjsk but i'm so glad i did i really like the songs & lyrics.

almost whatever jackson has released after mirrors has been to my taste leaving few bsides here and there. i love lmly <3 idk why for some reason i tend to mix pretty please and lmly up a lot djdjsk maybe it's bc of white tee and jeans. both mvs concept and songs are fantastic but if i have to pick one w/ mv & only considering the song, i do love lmly a little bit more then pretty please. wbu? <3

mark kept saying ' when we go back ' during the live so i got more confused each time, went on twt and got to know djdjdk. twt list of both svt & got7 of update accounts is like my newspaper, in free time i open it to see what is going on, sometimes jdjddk.

and of course i know abt woozi's cover <3 i've listened to it a lot jdjdksk he's so <//3

i could listen to his voice all day.

there is one cover of 10 cm hoshi dropped last year i like it sm <3 it made me so happy!!, around that i was obsessed with some of 10 cm's songs. help is one of my most favorite.

i really really wish for dokyeom to cover more day6 songs or just any songs </3 would really appreciate one from mr. joshu_acoustic too 😿.

did you see the way dokyeom woke up with a smile on his face in 5th in the sopp ep <//3 he's so precious 😭 (i'll try to link next time idk links go through asks tho djjddj sometimes tumblr eats it up). i don't even know what a smile is for first 2 hours after i've woken up. also i think i like this (sk coming and karaoke one - 5th) ep a lil more bc of that half minute of singer cheol it served us. i need him to sing more omg <//3

the soop song tho it's so sweet 😭💕. i love love how they brainstorm and make songs it's such an interesting process. i love what going seventeen is now but i miss watching the song making & recording process (even rho they do show it in inse after cb but jdjdks). the one where they made gose song, recorded it and made choreo/mv i love. it's still remains as one of my most favorite ep. they compose & write songs so smoothly & make it look so effortless <3

thank you for letting me ramble abt silly little things and responding to them, yza <3 love hanging out w/ you. i hope you're also having fun djjddj (i'll try to keep these short fr 😭 djdkdk i feel a bit bad for making you read so much nonsense :3)

take care of yourself, yza <3 sending good week wishes. - 🪂🪂🪂

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE JAEBEOM READ THIRST TWEETS BEFORE MY VERY EYES WHICH ALTERNATE AU IS THIS 😭

also mood tbh we could've gotten something like jacks' puppy vid </3

LIKE WONU CLAPPING FJKDJKFDJFD in true infj fashion <3 wait naurr that's so sad </3 do they not teach it in schools?

ALSO YES OH MY GODDDDDDDDD house king show us ur fancy moves <3 as a fellow dancer i am throwing him my shoe rn <3 also i literally have never seen smth like this in kpop how did people fucking sleep on this icb it..

I FULLY RELATE HELLO????????????????? what dramas have u been watching? and which genres are u into? <3 i also just finished vincenzo today it was so good 😭 took me like.. a week, i think (?), though bc svt has SO MUCH content and i dont like being behind on svt shit esp bc i also run an update blog lmaooo 😭

WAIT I FORGOT SHE ALSO DID EMCEEING 😭 she's such a fun person </3 AND ERIC NAM FDKJDFJK i have one-sided beef w him lmao when he was still new to the scene he would reply to everyone's @s but he never replied to me so i felt v .. </3 (also this is what.. 13 year old me speaking so this def does not reflect how i feel abt him now JKJKFJKDFF) i also get that </3 i feel like jype doesn't manage them well (i dont know shit behind the scenes and shit abt the industry in-depth but u know... it Kind Of Shows esp w how the artists themselves speak abt the agency lol). and i have not!! i am truly a svtpoppie 😭 i will though bc u recommended it to me <3 i also have been seeing him frequently on tiktok lol, ALSO BC OF LEE HI!!

honestly i haven't been keeping up w his albums anymore just the title tracks so i cant say much 😭 i also def prefer lmly over pretty please i was actually obsessed w it for a while!! i love jackson's vision so much though, the cinematography is EVERYTHING

literally reading abt what our boys have been up to like reading the morning paper KJDSFKJDSJKSJKD

V GOOD FOR U TO HAVE COME ACROSS THE COVER... I JUST DISCOVERED IT BY ACCIDENT 😭 also i have to agree although i definitely do not want to admit that i am more than willing to listen to some man sing to me all day 😭😭😭😭😭 jihoon's voice is just... different to me for some reason. i have a hard time picking between him & seokmin tbh </3 hbu, who's ur fave svt vocalist?

ALSO YES THAT WAS SO CUTE OF HIM!! AND V ON BRAND TOO </3 the way u listen to 10cm..... im giving u an award rn <3 im guessing you listen to k-indie too?

DK THOUGH... I'M VERY MUCH WILLING TO ADMIT THAT I'D LISTEN TO HIM ALL DAY.... something about him... AND NOT THE JOSHU_ACOUSTIC FJDJFDJKFD 😭😭😭 i hate his username so much- why... WHY...

I DID!!!!!!!!! and i was so surprised too bc.. who wakes up smiling?????? what'd he dream of???????????? he's such a happy person i cant imagine what thats like 😭 the first thing i do when i wake up is make the >:| face JFJKFDKJFD also oh my god i just read that you're experiencing the same thing 😭😭 bestie trait!! KJJKFDKJFD ALSO YOU COULDN'T BE MORE RIGHT?????????? im always campaigning for vocalist coups im SOOO glad u feel the same way <3 his voice is just so comforting to me </3 idk i just really like his timbre

and v true omg i'm always fascinated to see how they actually work all this out!! the bts recording/choreo making vids are also my favorite gfkjdfkjdfj HOW ARE WE SO SIMILAR WE MIGHT AS WELL BE THE SAME PERSON 😭also jihoon in that gose behind vid........... in universe factory............... i still think about that Look from time to time... 😭this is also why i respect the boys sm tbh. everyone in the industry undeniably works so hard but to actually get this much creative freedom and to basically lead the group and their direction music and performance-wise is so insane to me... no wonder jihoon's always in his studio. i couldnt be happier that they get to live off of doing what they like im also so so proud of them they must work so hard <3 esp w all the content they're giving us.. icb it's always like this in caratland im so used to being an ahgase that gets like.... 1 cb a year😭

AND NOOO OMG DON'T BE SORRY I REALLY LOOOVE GETTING UR MESSAGES </3 and i love how lengthy they are makes me feel like ur just not making small talk (i hate small talk sm 😭) and that you're actually interested <3 i genuinely love bonding w u through these little asks i can never thank u enough for sending them <3 i hope ur having a lovely week as well!! u can always talk to me even if it's not kpop related and u just want to talk abt life or when u need some cheering up <3

#🪂 anon #anon #y.ask #long post

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zhuhongs · 4 years ago

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When I was growing up I didnt understand why people shared food with others. I shared food with my mom and such, but that was it. I thought that sharing food was something people only did with those super close to them. I never once just considered sharing food with others like many families do.

I grew up as one of the only poor colored kids in a well off white neighborhood. My mom always had this weird complex. That she and the rest of our family "weren't like other Hispanic people" because we "didn't take handouts" and "didn't live like that" whatever that was supposed to mean. I hate her internalized racism sm... it fucked me up so bad but i’m mostly over it and she is too thank god but that's a whole other issue for another text post) Thus she always ingrained it in me that I don't take food that other ppl are offering me. If a white person tries to give me food, they're probably just pitying me for being the poor girl. And if a poc gives me food, they need it more than I do, I should take it but pay them back later for it. To save face and not cause burden. I never thought twice abt it and it was rarely an issue. Most of my friends were white and their parents always thought it was kind that i offered to pay for my food but never let me. And my friends of color... well i didnt have many. I didnt have many friends growing up that I rlly remember. I was always just weird and quiet. I occasionally brought food on birthdays and got food for others on their birthday. But outside of special occasion I didnt go out of my way to give people food. If I didnt like something I'd give it to someone who did. And if someone was gonna throw something away, I ate it. I never let food go to waste. When I went out with people, I bought my food and they bought theres and we just ate. Nothing else. I never thought anything of it.

I remember a very distinct moment where I started to feel differently. I was in my second semester of university and my dance team was preparing for a performance over spring break. We had been practicing from 9am to 3pm and then decided to go to the mall to get food and just hang out for a bit. My university friend group is like.. notoriously bad at making decisions so I usually make the decisions for them bc theyre all so passive alkfjaslkfjd (THEY ALL HAVE OLDEST IMMIGRANT DAUGHTER OF COLOR SYNDROME like me too omg ik ur a ppl pleser but PICK SMTH, ily them... i’ll stop now) . SO we were deciding where to get food and settled on the food court and we all get what we want. So we did all that and sat a big table together and I just remember everyone putting the food in the middle and getting extra plates so we could take from each we wanted and have a little bit of everything. And at first i was like?? HUH!?? like I got what i wanted bc thats what I wanted and then planned to take my leftovers home to eat at work later that night. And that ended up working out, they could kinda tell that was my intention but ever since then I noticed that that friend group always does that. We all buy different things and share. I really used to find it dumb at first bc its my money and i paid for what i wanted. I didn’t want to take others food and I didn’t rlly want to give them mine. I thought that mentality was universal. I was always kinda on the outside with that group, we never fully meshed but I really wanted to make the effort to be friends with them because I knew it would be rewarding, even if we were just casual friends. And yea idk, just through them I began to kinda unlearn the way I used to feel about sharing food. It’s not about the money, it’s about the connection to others and about giving freely and letting others give to u. But money was always tight as a id. As I’ve started working and making money, thankfully i’ve abandoned this knee jerk reaction.

I read a chapter of a book for highschool english once called “Sharing Food as an Act of Communion” or smth along those lines and I got the concept but didn’t rlly think it was that deep. But in that moment, i started to understand it a lot more. Sharing food and sharing things in general isn’t about the object itself, its about what got u to that point to share something with someone. Due in part to way i was raised as I elaborated on earlier, I really wasn’t a loving or giving person. I was selfish. I was taught to be selfish. Because my parents had that mentality and passed it onto their kids. That was the cutthroat immigrant way of theirs. They were very much “pull yourself up by your bootstraps ppl.” My brother is still like that a bit. It’s very sad sometimes, I’m trying to get him out of it. Baby steps. My mom doesn’t understand why he’s so selfish. One of these days I think i’m going to sit her down and tell her that it’s her own doing. That how she raised us. But I know she doesn’t want to hear it, so for her sake and mine I just agree with her and let the issue pass without incident. I truly believe that kindness and community are the most radical things that humans have. I rlly do. It took me a long time to get there. I used to be so convinced I was better of alone. One man for themselves. I blame my father, i really do.

One time when things were really going to shit with my family, my dad came in my room and asked me how I could be so cruel to him when he was my father, completely unaware of the fact that I had been abused by him my entire life. He just didn’t register it that way bc it wasn’t physical. He said to me “You know Sage, I would expect this from your brother. But you’re a girl . I thought you’d be nicer, more loving and giving.” but it was his own actions that shaped this. And it wasn’t until I had stopped living with him at 18 that I was able to become more like how I am now.

Really, in the past I wasn’t a very nice or loving person. I wasn’t mean either!! I was just passive. A cold lake near a forest. I was nice looking on any surface level, but there was nothing warm or pleasant. A cold lake with jagged rocks underneath. With the help of others i’ve warmed, the rocks eroded down to something you would keep in a collection. I prefer it this way. I’ve healed a bit. I understand now what ppl mean when they say food is a love language. It isn’t one for me yet, but I recognize why it is for others. I get it now.

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autisticstarseed · 5 years ago

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👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable.

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible.

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home.

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you.

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands.

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case.

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

#nt/allistic ppl can totally reblog btw!! just dont clown like thats literally all i ask man cuz tbh #im trying to help ppl form a hygiene habit while my nd struggle was ignored and worsened by ppl being shitty to me so to be blunt ig #im helping people by giving alternatives and coping skills and all ur doing is being ableist and expecting ppl to 100% conform so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#whos really the ...~~~~~ pro recovery~~~~ one. here #hint its me sit down rude ass #long post #im scared to put in nd tags but sjgsjddsj we're JUMPIGN THE SHARK #sensory processing disorder #spd #autism #actuallyautistic #asd #adhd #sensory overload #original

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