#they dont want or go through trauma to be strong!! or to grow in character!! let ppl be weak! let ppl be comfortable staying in their zone!

[jay-wasreblogging]

Okay but the way Sherlock kept reassuring Mariana that she doesn't need to do anything she's not comfortable with?? That he would do it instead so she wouldn't have to?? Like? EXCUSE ME SIRRR?? 😭

I hear the talk about Mariana and John this, Mariana and John that - but let's talk about Sherlock and Mariana!!

This case had Sherlock encouraging Mariana to speak up and NO don't say you shouldn't talk when you got smt to say to the team! Your input is just as valuable and needs to be heard!! You're a part of this team and this is a team effort!

And when they were about to find the bodies, the way he talked her through an extremely traumatic situation? 😭 That shit got me fr like yes what you're thinking is horrible but whether you like it or not it is true and we cannot change this to suit the reality we want, we can only accept it and continue from there - and he was kind!! He didn't look down on her or mock her for wanting to not believe what was true, because it was traumatic and something she wasn't accustomed to.

HOWEVER what I really loved was that she didn't need to do smt she didn't want!! Im so glad it didn't take the 'but you have to do this' bullshit route that many stories do because it's okay not to, it's okay to know your limits and stay in it, it's okay to not want to do something you don't want to!! There's nothing you have to prove because you shouldn't have to!!

This podcast mannn.

[nyashykyunnie]

//Kyunnie rambling like a madman over her fave charas

why must I grow to be so empathetic and easily attached to people who are so broken.

I cant move on from Jinwoo's unspoken trauma, Aventurine's love of gambling because its the only aspect of him he has complete control over, and Wanderer who is driven by self-hatred and anger has grown as a puppet slowly learning to become empathetic and gentle despite his arrogant exterior and his supposed "Heartless" figure.

I hate how we are not given enough or even any deep dive into Jinwoo's overall psyche. I personally think this man hates himself so much that he actively throws himself in front of others. While yes he is kind as a default because he is the mc but god I love how you can possibly explain his altruism because of his low self-esteem. Being a laughingstock, mocked and shouldering the responsibilities of a patriarch must have broken him. We know for a fact that Jinwoo is driven simply by his love for his family. His actions are made for the benefit of Jin-ah and his mom. Being an E-ranker is brutal, we are shown that despite it not being heavily focused on its obvious Jinwoo struggles. His landlord even offered to extend rent which means Jinwoo is hell-deep into money scarcity. I think we can all agree how being broke can literally destroy someone. With Juhee scolding Jinwoo for his injuries I think we can interpret it as this man still going to work despite being heavily hurt. This man is desperate to make ends meet and it must have made a toll on him despite his calm and collected demeanour. I wish we could have been given more ample hints about Jinwoo's slow detachment more often than just slapping it on the table like what happened when he killed the older brother of Hwang Dong-soo. It was sudden, while cool as it may be I want to see more of his decline mentally so that I could have been more excited at his breaking point. The anime is thankfully being more open to showing how self-destructive Jinwoo can be. I mean, come in, the scene with cerberus? How stubborn and strong willed he is? It's beautiful. What I do appreciate is that Jinwoo for a fact is altruistic.Him willing to shoulder all the burdens of war and defending his earth from the itarim eushdhs qwq....

Dont even get me started with Aventurine. I was once a firm fan of Aventio but seeing how this man is watered down to nothing more than a hot twink bottom fuckable? God it gets on my nerves. It got so bad I have a lowkey hatred of Aventio not out of homophobia but because I find it so fucking infuriating that such a deep and well-written character is just reduced to his ship. Aventurine is obviously an extremely insecure man, have we all not learned anything from the penacony quest or is it because everyone probably skipped the dialogues? I bet it's the latter half. Kakavasha pointed out how nervous Aventurine was and none of us, the audience or even the npcs, expected that. It shows that Aventurine has perfected his mask of arrogance and suave do much so that he can fool everyone. Everyone but himself. And Kakavasha knew that because he and Aventurine are one in the same. Kakavasha is the little boy in Aventurine that he has hidden beneath this carefully built palace of lies. Everything about his attire and confidence is there to make you feel like you cannot see through this man. That instead of thinking of something else, the first thing that jumps on your mind is that he is arrogant and self-centered when he is not. He is anything but confident, he has a deep rooted sense of self-hatred and depression because of his broken past and he most likely blames himself for the death of his mother and sister. And you know what? I liked him because he of the way he presents himself. But once I discovered a deeper level of who Aventurine is? Mother I am gone. I became heavily invested in him, I loved how I'm able to get a glimpse of it. Slowly I started seeing less of "Aventurine the IPC ambassador who is a bastard" and more of the "Aventurine" that is hidden inside. I want to know more about him and less about this facade he has perfectly built up. I didn't trust him at first but now I can confidently say that out of all the hsr charas, I would trust him and Dan Heng the most with my heart. So when he supposedly died? It broke me. I could not shut up about it and my friends probs were tired of me. I was having active mental breakdowns because I did not want Aventurine to go away even though his plan was complete suicide. A gamble he took to end his sorry life. Gambling was the only thing that Aventurine had complete control over as well as how he wanted people to perceive him. I felt so wronged when i was fooled into thinking he is gone when the aventurine stone landed on the floor and lost its shimmer. I did not want his story to end. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to see him succeed in his revenge on the people who took his family away.

Wanderer? He was an asshole, i didnt get the attraction to him at first. He was always sexualized and reduced to just a petty villain whose personality revolves around being toxic. But oh how all of that came crumbling down when I met "who" he really is. A broken, lonely and abandoned puppet who is desperate to have a heart. Discarded by his mother, lost a friend and another right after that. He was a child when Ei released him, he misunderstood her actions as to being that she found him of no use when really she just wanted to keep him away from the horrors that is reality, his second friend was also a misunderstanding. While I dont know the complete story of that part, I know its a huge miscommunication. The last betrayal that completely broke him? That one was of naivete. He was a child. He had the mind of a child. All of that turned into a web of confusion, hatred and sadness that created "Scaramouche". He became a weapon, a lab rat. All of that just because he wanted to fill the void in his empty heart where a gnosis should have sat. When the archon quest rolled in? I was so devastated with his desperation. He was absolutely broken. By the end of it, when he was under nahida he used to Irminsul to kill himself. How tragic is that, huh? I hate how people significantly forget about that side of him. That suicidal, depressed boy who had no guiding light. His only drive was to have the gnosis thinking that will take away all the pain and sadness in his heart when truly he just wanted to love and be loved. He wanted companions. In his story quest, his first appearance as Wanderer is I think is the closest we can get to who he actually used to be. Before the abandonment, the betrayals, the deaths. I think that is the closest glimpse we get in game about who he really was. It doesnt justify his cruelty, his mass murder, his crimes. Nothing justifies anything but I cant help but feel so sorry for his soul. And hence make me all the more hate blind people who reduce him to just arrogance. The last event showed that Wanderer for a fact can be extremely empathetic, he saved Durin and even allowed him to become his companion. Nahida points out he feels extremely happy despite his demeanour. This man just wants happiness and companionship because he spent most of his days dying of loneliness and drowning in depression. Wanderer is kind, he is healing. It is slow but the game doesn't hide that. We are shown time and time again how he is growing as a person despite being without a heart. I think Wanderer is very empathetic despite how he appears, he can understand you in a deep sense despite talking smack at you. He is gentle with his actions. Even animals are so attracted to him, animals only react to those with noble and gentle hearts. That should be enough to say what kind of person wanderer is these days.

Overall, these three just put me in so much emotional turmoil that I hate how I cant talk more about it. I love them a lot. I want to know more about them. I want to be able to immerse myself more. I want to know them more eidhehsjs mannnn,,,,,,

[soaps-mohawk]

tbh I adore 'mega bc j see myself in her A LOT. always told what to do, never given options, never getting my way, and always having to be dependent on someone yet that someone never shows the care that I want haha so truly I'm happy I was finally able to find a reader insert where I dont have to imagine myself as a strong sword-welding femme fatale but just a traumatized girl who's trying to live and finally get what she's been wanting and needing all her life <3 I'm glad you're stuck on your choice of keeping her like this, even if she does go through a character development arc, I hope I'm also able to be here to witness her flourish into who she wants to be <3

I feel that so hard and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that 😭 I went through something similar growing up and that's just a piece of the ✨️trauma✨️ but that's really shown itself in this fic and in 'mega as a character.

I enjoy a badass female character, don't get me wrong, but I also appreciate the soft ones too because I see myself in them more. 'Mega isn't weak and useless by any means. She does have her own strengths, they're just softer inner strengths. She's been through hell in such a short amount of time and yet she's still going. And now with everything being thrown on her in the last couple chapters, that's going to have an effect as well. It's okay to not be strong, it's okay to be broken and need to rely on others. I think that's something that gets forgotten, even in the strong, badass female characters.

I'm so glad you're enjoying 'mega as a character, though. This all really means a lot to me

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

I hope expys go better this time since its between Honkai titles (and ye i know they're connected thru peepaw but it still kind of feels like a mistake to make it a Honkai title, but that's besides the point), but considering we got drama day one with Bronya and Seele I don't have high hopes and kinda dont want em. But.

If we ever get a Hua expy. I think itd be funny if she got to murder Yanqing's parents again. As a treat.

I don't really understand what you mean by drama day one ?-? HSR BronSeele was a really strong storyline to me, they nailed the enemies to lovers speedrun considering that you have to play the third wheel for most of it. It was very sweet and it makes me super happy for them to find each other in every universe. Go lesbians go

Personally I treat these "expies" the same way I'd treat Bronie or Kasumi, they're basically bubble universe alts. It's pretty different from Genshin's expies honestly? They feel much truer to the spirit of the original storylines they're from— Bronya Rand's character is very different but her growing up this way when raised in a strict environment by Cocolia is believable, plus she still has some of the same values (protecting her family and friends). She also obviously dodged the massive trauma Bronya Zaychik goes through so it makes sense for her to have developed differently.

Regarding Seele, it might seem strange for such a soft-spoken character to be Like That, but if you look at the Firemoth DLC of ggz (Hi3 isn't the first Honkai series game remember?) she did the exact same thing, putting up a strong front due to desperate conditions— HSR Seele is most likely an homage to this version of her, down to the designs being very similar.

AS FOR HUA...

Hua is the Marshal of Xianzhou's Cloud Knights, so we're definitely meeting her eventually. When? No clue. But eventually. Totally doable that she murdered Yanqing's parents again hahaha.

Sushang and her mother Suyi are also in the game (the former is playable, the latter is mentioned in Sushang's stories) so I expect we'll see all seven disciples. Plus Luocha is the Seven Swords version of Otto, obviously, so it'd make sense for the whole cast to show up. Wonder if they'd also bring in more minor characters like Eagle though. Or Ma Feima's horse, Erebus... x)

[bunnys-beetlejuice-blog]

Hey! I love your Beetlejuice stories on A03, all of them are wonderful. Do you have any tips on writing the Maitlands? You write them so well, keeping them sweet while giving them depth.

you're so sweet! this got super long so its under a cut. please keep in mind that these are my interpretations of canon and you might disagree and that's totally fine!

Lemme break these into specifics for each one cause while theyre a matching set and should not be separated they're also pretty different! Barbara- the more out going one between the two of them, more willing to jump into new situations. i think of her as someone adam can lean on, and because of that their marriage is a little non traditional, despite what beej might say, since she's the one more likely to do things that scare her and sort of lead the two of them. barbara should be sweet, empathetic, and very patient, but also willing to put her foot down when it matters. she's a doormat no more. between the two of them, she's the one more interested in arts. while she might not like making pottery i think she's the more creative one - she apparently also started and gave up oil painting (the painting she smashes) i read her as someone who comes from religious trauma but that also might just be me putting my own baggage on her. she just feels like someone who would/could have been more outgoing if she hadnt been raised in a very traditional way, where women are a step below their husbands. i dont think that believe holds true in her marriage obviously but it's engrained to some degree that she needs to behave like the perfect wife/mother. this could also be part of where her anxiety about being a mother stems from (this part obviously is VERY personal to me and her character may not read that way to you, i acknowledge this i headcannon territory here) she's also willing to push adam into things that make him nervous, because she does want her husband to stand up for her. (that moment when beej is having his soliloquy, if you watch her she's arguing with adam and telling him to say something to beetlejuice, and that's the reason why adam interrupts him) in general i think she finds things that are odd and unusual to be more funny and interesting than scary - her laughing at beetlejuice's antics in the attic a lot come to mind. Adam - the more shy one. adam is someone who i read as having a fairly heavy degree of social anxiety (there are strangers downstairs! i didn't like strangers when i was alive-) and because of that he tends to overthink and be in his own head too much. adam's fatal flaw might be that he wants to sit down and puzzle through things instead of reacting. while it's good to keep a clear head sometimes you do need to react in the moment and stand up for yourself (which he learns by the end! go adam!!!) adam loves working with his hands. while barbara creates, adam maintains. he restores furniture and does woodworking. i do like to mix movie adam with musical adam a bit, because in the movie adam owns a hardware shop, and i think that vibe also fits musical adam as well. adam leans on barbara a lot - when beej is asking them to hire him, he looks helplessly to barbara, and he's always willing to follow her lead. in a sense she wears the pants, but it doesn't read as emasculating to me - barb's strength is leading and adam's is supporting. does not like to yell or wish people unwell. THAT GUY!! NEEDS!! therapy, i hope he gets the help he needs :( to me this, combined with him honestly thinking beej might be his dad for a moment, reads as someone who had a very turbulent early childhood. a negligent or possibly abusive father who disappeared early enough in his life that adam doesn't remember his face. maybe he doesnt like to yell because that's what his own father did, and he doesnt want to be like his dad. he wants to be better than that. his not knowing his father could also lead into his fear of becoming one - he didn't have a strong father figure growing up, and he's never had that behavior modeled for him

The Maitlands as one - they should be like two halves of a whole. barb might lead, but she never steps on adam. adam might support, but his own impute is never stifled. barbara will encourage adam to be more brave and outgoing. adam will help barbara keep her temper or talk through things that frustrate her. they're so in love it's kinda gross.

[chiyoso]

I HONESTLY DID NOT EXPECT TO HAVE SO MUCH GREETINGS THAT ITS OVERWHELMING ME TO THE POINT WHERE IM GUSHING WITH SO MUCH JOY ??????????????

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVELY AND UPLIFTING WORDS

i thought my birthday was going to be dull this year with all the whole pandemic, getting sick thing and burnout shinanigans — but creating a growing community... was one of the best decisions i have done in my whole nineteen years worth of choices to do. i love you all, so so much. strangers we might be, acquaintances from afar, friends from behind the screen — it doesn't matter, kindness goes far beyond through each word we speak.

and all of your words have reached me. (cough your lie in april reference without the dying)

this is my first time letting out media of my adventures and personal life, but yesterday was such a special day and i plan to do more today (birthdays over here typically last a few more days since only a day of celebration isnt really enough, depends on the person/environment though 🤭)

Chocolate Taiyaki Strawberry Pocky Pork Katsudon

Mochi Ice Cream Wendys Coffee

ME AND GOJO MERCH I BOUGHT HEHE

(will buy genshin impact birthday gifts for myself)

the name of the restaurant on the right reminded me of lyney, scara and me.

i will not elaborate further.

(also why am i so good at taking pics)

hehe. once again, thank you all so much for the support, i've been planning mentally so much that perhaps i just needed a little break from writing (the sickness and my bday proved a very nice break for me)

writing things

cynosure's ascendance

• i have no idea if people still remember this series of mine, but i do remember starting it out of desire to create a character of lust, battle and trauma and laying it bare for the xianzhou luofu to witness (cough jing yuan) so this series WILL be continued out of self interest

the mara's will

• the direction of this series will take a dark turn. it wont all be happy, but since its inspired by honkai impact... you're going to see more of powerful reader, and come to me in inbox, should i refer to old gods as herrschers? make this timeline where the universe of star rail will be tested by the imaginary tree's schemes and threaten to fall it towards the sea of quanta? i primarily have a good understanding of the whole imaginary tree thing, and i can see it applies to hyv games, thus leading me to the question of — are all connected somehow? (hsr welt's from hi3 after all)

• so yeah! i'm just conflicted as to what direction ill lead tmw with, so please, indulge me with your ideas and help me make sense of the timeline for it.

• (option 1) star rail, a universe that fought off the very, very ancient forces of what people of the infinitely old called honkai, and since the eradication of the ancient forces, they have been thriving ever since, hence the start of new technologies combined with long forgotten ones (previous era combined with stellar resources today) but all had forgotten about them in the process, them being the houkai, and the imaginary tree will soon test this 'bubble universe' (hsr) because simply; it is its law, it is its nature.

• (option 2) no bubble universes, no honkai impact timeline, just hsr itself with elements INSPIRED by the game

• (option 3) come to me! (told you im so conflicted hehe)

stellar chasm

• nngh im making a few ppl wait with this series, but trust me, i'm just studying and playing honkai impact to get a better grasp of hi3 abilities, how herrschers work, the lore and etc. and i honestly really want to involve durandal in mc's progress, we all know durandal is so fucking, so damn strong to the point where she can hold off kevin (im in that part or after so i have no clue if something happens to her, PLEASE DONT SPOIL ME THO) so yeah! i have already an idea as to how will mc will become a herrscher + getting the divine key abyss flower 😌 juuust... let me study more of hi3 🥹 also i have kind of scrapped the HoV personality? i'm going for an eden but more flirty, sensual (not purposely) type — that's all i'm spoiling!

i have 4 upcoming fics as well!

• It starts with a glance (Neuvillette, dark content)

• For you, Ma Moitie (Neuvillette oneshot)

• Neuvillette, your colleague (Headcannons)

• follower milestone with self aware!blade

that's all for now! once again, thank you all and LOVELY PROSPEROUS DAYS TO ALL OF YOU

love,

hiraeth

[rightsforbrunomadrigalonly]

Can I request a bruno x pregnant reader headcanons ?

{A/N: ✨⌛️Absolutely, because I often think about how sweet and how good of a father this man would be and I am more than willing to write a bit of cute lil Bruno fluffs because I love my lil baby rat man<3 I know nobody asked, but i also added just a little touch of how I feel certain characters would react and help!💚⌛️✨

{Word count: unknown}

{Warnings 🚨: none unless you count tooth rotting fluff.}

First of all I just want to preface this by saying the only person more excited, aside from you and Bruno, about there being a new set of little toes in the house is Alma. 

She probably NEVER thought the day would come that her little Brunito would produce new gift holders for la Familia. 

It probably fills Bruno with mixed emotions to know how excited his mother is, especially knowing her high standards for how she expects her family to run. 

He would NEVER tell Abuela to her face that he doesn’t want his child pressured and burdened by all this gift stuff, but he definitely tells you. He’s very open about it whenever you two are alone. 

He’ll lay his head in your lap, fingers absent mindedly tracing light spirals on your swollen abdomen as the occasional sigh passes his lips. 

You’d reach your hand down to his head, gently swirling one of his curls along your finger watching as he melts into your touch. You don’t have to even ask what’s wrong. 

He’d immediately spill whatever’s mentally siphoning his contentment. I’d imagine by this point he KNOWS he doesn’t get to just hide his emotions from you anymore.

Bruno: “What if the baby gets a gift like mine.” 

Y/N: “Then we’ll love them...and we’ll guide them...and we’ll help them grow.. Everything we’re suppose to as their parent. ” 

Bruno: “Well, yeah duh I know that Vida...but I-I dont know. I just don’t want my kid to have to grow up the way I did...I know mama. If our kid grows up with some cursed useless gift like me, I’m never gonna hear the end of it. I don’t want them to get outcasted for something they don’t have a choice on....” 

GOD THE TRAUMA THAT RESONATES AND LIVES RENT FREE IN THIS MANS MIND. 

It just burned you up, you hated to see the anguish he held. While the two of you always made such strong progress working through the pain and doubts he held onto throughout the years, you still wished you could do more. 

Y/N: “Mi Amor, our baby will always have a place in this family. Right here...with you and me...And if your mama doesn’t like whatever gift is bestowed upon our child when they come of age, she can take it up with me. I will FULLY advocate for our child, no one will make our baby feel like they do not belong in this family.”

His eyes are just hearts as he glances up at you.

It also heats his stomach to see the primal mama bear side of you. He thinks it’s the cutest thing in the world. 

The man is CONSTANTLY asking his sisters for advice. 

As two woman who have given birth 3 times each, he takes their word as gospel. 

Bruno: “What did you always want more than anything when you were pregnant? I mean, you two have had kids before....I just want to make sure she’s comfortable without being a bigger pain than anything she’s going through.” 

Julieta: “Honestly, the only thing I wanted more than anything when I was pregnant was to not be pregnant anymore.”

BRUNO.EXE WOULD STOP WORKING.

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN JULIETA. I CAN’T JUST UNPREGNANT HER”

He’d press his lips together, brows pinching in confusion. He’d ask for something more manageable that he can help with. Back rubs, foot rubs, stuff like that. 

Both of his sisters would 100% give him a laundry list of helpful and NOT helpful things that he could possibly do to help ease you to your due date.

Pepa: “Don’t suffocate her! ¡Por el Amor de Dios!, I hated NOTHING more than when Felix followed me around like I was some fragile helpless thing! I just wanted him to shoo! When you’re that big and that uncomfortable having someone follow you around and worry about your every move day in and day out is NOT helpful.”  

He definitely takes this all to heart, making sure to keep a strong mental list of all the DO NOT’s. The last thing he wants is to make your pregnancy and his presence in it a nuisance.

He’ll happily climb the stairs of the tower as many times as you need throughout your pregnancy to bring you midnight snacks and treats. Anything you want, you’ve got. 

Antonio is EXCITED. 

He asks Bruno everyday when the baby will be here. 

Truly it’s a good test of patience for the man. Repetitive questions are a consistent part of a child’s learning, especially when testing the limits of their parents patience.  

Bruno: “Uh, aha well I don’t ACTUALLY know...well yeah I COULD have a vision but your Tia told me I was to have absolutely no visions about the baby, so sorry kid. When the baby is born they’re born. I promise you’ll know about it, okay?”

 As you approach closer to your due date, the man is a wreck. He composes it fairly well but internally he’s screaming, throwing up, panicking. 

He’s definitely scared to be a dad. What if this kid doesn’t like him? What if he’s not good with kids? What if he’s not a good parent? What if he doesn’t love his kid...is that something that happens? Can he hate his kid? 

He would not bother you with these thoughts though, he’d confide them in someone else. Agustin or Felix. 

Bruno: “Anything I should be doing right now?....I’m just...I-....What if when this kid is born, I don’t like them and they don’t like me.....What if I’m bad at this whole being a dad thing. I think I want to throw up.” 

They give him the pep talk of a lifetime. From two amazing fathers, to one amazing father to be, they know exactly what he needs to hear. 

Agustin: “It’s scary at first, you have this little human looking up at you and they’re so helpless and defenseless, but the first time you lay your eyes on that baby nothing else in this world is gonna matters. The only thing you’ll be able to think about is them. And your wife of course.”  

Felix: “is’ true. The first time I ever held Delores I thought, there is nothing more gorgeous. She blew the breath right outta me. Bring yourself some tissues, your going to cry mi Hombrecito.”

The day you give birth he’s a wreck. Pacing back and forth outside of his door, fingers winding and twisting his ruana as he waits for the door to pop open.

If I’m being entirely honest, while you would have wanted him there, both Pepa and Julieta strongly advised against it. 

He’s definitely a little squeamish and I feel is the type of dad to pass out in the middle of delivery. 

While it breaks your heart to think you’d have to go through this alone without your husband, you know he’s leaving you in two very capable hands. 

When the door finally opens, Casita wastes no time bringing the man straight to the top of the tower. The tiles clatter and clink as they warp him to your side in what felt like no time at all. 

His heart thuds ferociously against his ear as the sight of you with a tightly wrapped baby pans into his vision. Those gorgeous green eyes of his widen and glisten as he watches the way the small baby lays so peacefully nuzzled against your chest. The bottom of his foot would rub against the top of his toe as he glances between both you and the baby, his ruana still tightly wound in his hands. 

Bruno: “Hi.”

He’d be so flustered and so overwhelmed he wouldn’t know what to say. 

Felix is 100% right. Tears are all over the mans face just LOOKING at the baby.

Casita would nudge Bruno's body forward until he’s next to the bedside. 

You’d give him a weak tired smile, gently holding the baby forward for him to take, his hands hesitative as they remain in their wound place. 

Y/N: “It’s okay mi Amor. You’ve waited 9 months for this moment, you’re ready. Come meet our baby.” 

His hands would out stretch and you’d lay the baby right against his chest, positioning Bruno’s arms to insure he holds and supports the baby properly. 

Overwhelmed is an understatement to say the least. 

His brain is in a whirl wind as he watches the baby whimper and worm in his arms, their little mouth popping open as they give a yawn. 

How could he think he’d ever hate this baby. 

Tears pour down his face, and you cant help the way your own tears dribble. You extend your hand out craddling his cheek as your thumbs brush the water from his face. 

Bruno: “I will never let anything in this world hurt you. I love you...Both of you” 

He’d glance down at you, just pressing a small kiss to your forehead.

He holds the baby for as long as he can until eventually he has to pass them back to you. His eyes don’t leave the two of you the minute the baby is out of his hands.

He was mush, putty in your hands. Both of you. 

[probably-haven]

I’ve been thinking about Childe a lot recently- because my friends slander him relentlessly and other than one person who kinda semi-likes him I’m the only one who actually likes his character.... and I know I’ve slandered him a fair amount myself but just- 

-

He was a child. 

A child - No ‘e’. No puns. No jokes. Not this time. 

He was only fourteen. 

-

His story described him as “frightened and hesitant” prior to his time in the abyss. All he wanted was an adventure of his own. To make an adventurer of himself, the likes of which he had heard so many times in the stories of his father. To be like him. He didn’t even go seeking the abyss or any kind of grave danger or incredible power, he was just a naïve little boy, running away from home with almost nothing in chase of a story of his own. 

And yet he was fated to fail, and everything went south almost immediately. Lost in the freezing cold forest environments of Snezhnaya, he was completely alone save for the wild animals on his trail. And by an unlucky roll of the dice - or perhaps because in that moment, his desire and drive to survive, to live, to get back to his family, was so strong that even the abyss itself took notice - the world he knew was stripped away. 

Scared and vulnerable with only a shortsword for protection, Ajax was torn from what already would have served to be traumatizing enough for the child, and thrust into something immeasurably worse. 

Described as “a bottomless crack in the earth’s surface,” “the endless possibilities of another ancient world,” and “the darkest corners of the universe;” the abyss is not a place that ordinary people are meant to survive.  Now I could go on about what the abyss may be or who the swordswoman might be or what might have happened to him, but the point is: it doesn’t matter what happened, his trauma is trauma nonetheless and its not in his control nor is it his fault how his brain decided to process it. Regardless, I think “endless possibilities” within the “darkest corners of the universe” speaks well enough for the severity.

Even without this however, it is important to note that for three months of what logically would have driven anyone to or past the brink, he had one consistent point of relative safety in the form of the swordswoman, a person who while training him for destruction, was also deliberately manipulating into him “the ability to stir up endless havoc.” 

Placed in an extremely traumatic situation like this and being manipulated by one he would have been forced to see as an anchor of sorts, simultaneously holding him together and molding him into the twisted version of himself that she wanted him to be; Realistically, Childe is more a victim than anything else.

And he returned - still only a fourteen year old child - to his home. 

Now an interesting point: based on the wording of his character story, it seems as though when he came out from the abyss, his new demeanor actually unnervingly reflects his hopes when he ran away, implying that the swordswoman very well could have used his own ambition as a cruel mirror to shape him based off, or used them merely as an additional manipulation tactic. “He acted as if this world revolved around him, and as if battle existed for his sake.” Almost as though he were truly the protagonist in an adventure story of his own, just like his father before- or perhaps that’s what he was made to believe. 

Regardless, Childe quickly gained a reputation for havoc, chaos, and violence, as it followed him and he spread it wherever he went, just as he had learnt to do during his time in the abyss, constantly seeking that unpredictability, the thrill of combat. 

And this continued until he went too far, and in response to this, the father that he admired so greatly sent Ajax away into the strict military environment of the Fatui. The idea was that the highly strict environment of training for the literal military, would “hone his son’s temper.” Not dampen, or control, or reduce in any way, but “hone” - to sharpen it, to refine and perfect it. And he watched “fully-armed troops getting the stuffing beaten out of them by a mere child.“

He was only a child. 

Everything he went through in the abyss and all the changes he went through himself, only to be shipped into military by the family who could no longer handle dealing with the effects of what he experienced... 

And he was just a kid. 

-

oh but they honed his temper alright. Not only was he entered in this military training like his father had planned originally, but soon after, the young child was selected and placed within the official ranks of the Fatui themselves under the guise of being a punishment.

Told to work his way up the ranks from the bottom, the Fatui “honed” his temper and penchant for combat towards the purpose of serving the Tsaritsa, encouraging these tendencies that would only continue to grow stronger and more apparent with time as a result of their actions, which was exactly their intent. These, psychologically and neurologically, were the key years for his mental development.

And once again the young Ajax found himself the victim of another’s subtle manipulation.  Until he was Ajax no more. 

-

Childe has been under the constant task of further proving himself since enlisting in the Fatui, and once he gained the recognition of the Tsaritsa, the only next possible way of doing that was by comparing his skills to others. And thus far, he has exceed in this time and time again, so with the evidence before him his arrogant confidence in his abilities is by no means unreasonable. Nor is his tendency to express friendship and varied other things through combat, it’s only natural after besting others in battle became his main source of acknowledgement throughout his younger years. 

He’s fiercely loyal as well, to the point where - were his sense of loyalty not so shrouded in his delusion of what loyalty is meant to be - it would likely border on codependency. He also doesn’t seem to have the greatest understanding of social cues, as expected with his combat-oriented upbringing, and tends to have an unnerving aura to a lot of the things he says that he doesn’t seem aware of. 

His loyalty to the Tsaritsa rings true, and seems to be his highest priority above all others, an ideology that, once again has been drilled into him since the age of 14. However, despite this, he is disliked and avoided even by his fellow harbingers, and often kept out of their true plans in a way that clearly shows what low opinions they have of his abilities in certain areas. 

And yet, through it all, he still maintains his own set of values and seeks to make genuine connections which people, which while these efforts may be unsuccessful in most cases, and these values far in between - It still firmly shows the strength of his character which, though in fragments, managed to remain as a part of who he is in spite of his circumstance. 

-

And i get that he’s memeable and slanderable and easy for a lot of people to just hate outright, i really do but sometimes it feels like a lot of people only ever see him at surface value and a lot of people dont even know his story and even fewer still actually consider the implications of that background. He was literally a child soldier - that and even more; “endless possibilities” more.

I have nothing against Childe slander, genuinely - but eventually, when it reaches a certain extent...

It’s not bad, I’m just tired.

[timelessanimo]

PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT THE FANFIC 🤩

Dont mind if i do!!

So its Leader centric one! Our favorite goggleboys get trapped in a distorted digital world without their teams and only their partners and the other leaders to help them! While they all met before in Digiquartz it wasnt enough time to become friends so its awkward as hell at first. Taichi and Daisuke get along just fine as do Taiki and Tagiru but the others are just not sure what to do with this situation. (The Digimon dont have this Problem they hang out and get along from day one lmao)

They warm up eventually since theyre stuck together trying to navigate the distorted digiworld while finding their friends while uncovering who took them away and who made this distorted world.

I want to focus on them becoming friends but also on things i think the anime never mentioned/ things i think should be addressed!

Its very headcanon based and will implement a lot of media! I want to get into Trauma and purpose and the way they were shaped by being the leader who is supposed to always be strong and reliable.

The dynamics are going to be very fun to explore haha

Im adding a bit more character and story stuff under here so its not one megapost ^-^

The leaders are all going to have an arc that will make them grow as a person!

Taichi is going to uncover a few hidden memories of things he doesnt remember (blue? and what does that voice mean by calling him a Tamer?) Agumon will learn that there is a mission he has to complete to ensure stability and peace, something he was destinied to do.

Daisuke is going to realize what Miracles actually means; how it shapes the world and why its so important to the digiworld, Veemon is going to realize that Courage and friendship grant armor in more ways than one.

Takato will confront the feelings he tried to let go off and bury when Megidramon appeared (he forgave impmon but some feelings are hard to accept) Guilmon will have to face the question of his existence as a hazard digimon and what that entails.

Takuya is going to learn to accept both sides; the Digimon and the Human (the first journey was long and Takuya has started to behave more like a digimon, hiding that is difficult a part of him still yearns for comforting fire), Agnimon isn't there anymore but his parting gift is a blessing and a curse.

Masaru try as he might cant forget Kurata and his experiments; the mad scientis fused himself with a digimon how can that be forgiven? Agumon just wants his Aniki to be happy but some things cant be solved with food and a good fight.

Taiki went through war as a teen and some things he had to do to ensure peace and safety he just cant forget, Shoutmon loves being King, he really does! But the responsibility is more than he can carry alone and why does his core hurt when he talks about omegamon?

Tagiru will need to confront the resentment he came to hold in his heart when ryouma almost took Taiki and Shoutmon away forever while Gumdramon will have to learn that strenght isnt just physical but a mental thing aswell.

[delimeful]

(dont) take this the wrong way (6)

warnings: misunderstandings, trauma responses, illness

-

Patton and Roman went in circles for a moment on who should carry Logan, eventually settling on Patton, since Roman was the quicker between the two of them and they were alarmingly unsure of what the small mer was planning— or how negatively that plan would affect the little guy.

Roman couldn’t help but be a little jealous anyways at the sight of the human pressing his tiny face against the palm of Patton’s hand, still mostly unconscious despite the jostling. It was unfairly adorable, and he never got to hang out with humans that weren’t terrified or fled at the sight of him.

Logan had started off scared too, sure, but after they’d cleared that little misunderstanding up, the human had shooed him away with an itty bitty stern look.

He’d listened, of course, he certainly owed these two that much, but internally he was gleeful at how bold Logan was when hanging out with them. Maybe he’d even come back and they’d learn more of his language and he could needle the nerd into telling him more about surface life—!

But of course, that required that he get better first.

It seemed obvious now, with the feverflush to his skin and the subtle tremor even as he slept, but the signs were so tiny on him, they might not have noticed for ages yet. He was inordinately grateful that the little mer had brought it to their attention, even if it also meant learning just how lowly the little guy thought of them.

When they returned from the air room, the tiny mer hadn’t twitched from his spot, though he looked as though he wanted to vibrate right out of his skin.

Agonizingly, he only seemed to get more stressed at the sight of Patton’s cupped hands, gaze darting between them for a moment before he flitted forwards and pressed an earfin to the makeshift airseal, staying in place only long enough to catch the sound of Logan’s little raspy breaths.

Roman opened his mouth, arms sliding up to gesture, and the tiny mer shot all the way back across the room like quicksilver. He had a moment to realize that with that speed, they’d never have ‘caught’ him in the first place if he hadn’t been trapped by that net, and then he felt immensely guilty for clearly spooking the little guy.

“How about you lead the way?” he asked, trying to distract their flighty little friend before he started tearing hair out. “The exit is one cave down, we’ll follow to wherever you think is the best place.”

He was shaking his head before Roman even finished. “No, I’ll follow, you— whoever stole him, you have to take him back to that beach. You remember... right?”

Roman turned to glance at Patton, who nodded firmly. “I’ll get us started then, kiddo.”

He cradled his cupped hands to his chest and swam deeper, easily twisting through the exit tunnel into the open ocean. Roman nodded at the little mer and followed, hoping that the little guy wouldn’t just vanish.

Only a moment later, he flitted out after them, and Roman caught the desperate longing that crossed his expression for a moment at the sight of wide open terrain. It vanished after a single glance at Patton’s cargo, replaced by a grim scowl.

If it weren’t for the human, Roman had the feeling that the mer would have turned and vanished, too quick and small for them to ever see again.

Instead, he hovered carefully out of lunging reach as they traveled, watching their every move with narrowed eyes. Every unconscious twitch of Patton’s hands seemed to make him flinch in response, as though he was expecting something horrible would happen to the human at any moment.

Normally, Roman would have been quite offended about this implied slight against Patton’s character, since his friend was just about the gentlest guy he knew. With circumstances what they were, however, he remained silent. He knew that this wasn’t really a reflection on Patton, but rather someone else entirely, a phantom presence that was still haunting the small mer.

Roman let out a breath of relief when they finally resurfaced, a human beach visible nearby. Patton unfolded his hands as soon as they were above water, and they both peered nervously down at the human.

“He doesn’t look like he’s gotten any worse,” Patton murmured, angling his hands so their small tagalong could see as well. “This is fairly close to the beach I found him at!”

“It seems the early hour has served us well,” Roman added, making sure not to gesture as he usually would. “There doesn’t appear to be anyone else around. Should we set him on the beach?”

The tiny mer jolted when he realized that they were both looking to him, flitting back and forth in nervous motions. “Uh, yeah— Yes. But be careful. And make sure you put him high enough that the tide can’t drag him back.” He continued in an undertone, “With his luck, it’ll be ages before another human appears.”

“I’ll do it!” Patton announced, already pushing forwards to shallower waters. “Roman’s likely to beach himself if he goes too far inland, and that’s shore to make things difficult!”

Roman groaned, flicking his fingertips at the siren. “That was one time! One-time incidents don’t qualify for pun-based bullying!”

Patton’s muffled laughter got quieter as he shifted to lay vertically, scooting forwards until his chest was scraping the sand and his arm could extend to set Logan gently against the beach incline. Logan’s head lolled to the side, but he seemed unlikely to go anywhere, and was in plain sight of anyone passing by.

Roman glanced down at the tiny mer, who was staring over the waves at the human, finally looking a little less stiff and stressed.

Patton wiggled back until he could tread water upright again, sharing a little cheer with Roman at a successful quest. Their guest’s tension returned immediately, that little shadowed gaze snapping back onto them.

Roman and Patton exchanged a glance, uncertain of how to proceed, but before anyone could speak, they heard a small, hacking cough.

Logan was awake, just a little too late for him or Patton to say goodbye. He probably wouldn’t have understood, but it would have been nice anyhow. Roman watched as he rolled to something resembling upright, his limbs trembling weakly. He was looking back and forth, not just noticing the new decor, but searching.

Roman glanced down to the small mer, who had set his shoulders and continued looking firmly away from the beach. He sunk a little lower in the water, trying to make eye contact. “Would you like to go and say goodbye before he leaves? Or, tell him what’s going on, perhaps?”

He shook his head once, sharply, and Roman felt a little pang of sympathy at the way his ear fins kept angling back at every noise the human made.

Logan was calling out now, the same word repeated at increasing levels of urgency. “Virgil?”

The mer still refused to glance back. “I’m not breaking the deal. You upheld your half, and you’re going to keep upholding it, and I’ll uphold mine. I’m not going anywhere.”

He’d drifted closer to Roman as he spoke, but it didn’t feel like any sort of progress. He’d tucked all those extra flares and frills away, smoothing himself down as though he was calm— or resigned.

Roman glanced up at the beach, where Logan still called. As he listened, that little voice cracked midword, desperation slowly turning to despair. He moved to cup his hand underneath the little mer, his heartstrings pulling at the way he let out a slow, shaky breath and closed his eyes, even as Roman lifted him up from the ocean entirely.

Patton opened his mouth as if to speak, but Roman met his eyes and shook his head, promising with his gaze alone that he knew what he was doing. His friend glanced down at the little guy worriedly, but held his tongue.

With one strong push, Roman slid up to the beach’s edge, grimacing slightly as the water became shallower and shallower. His arms were longer than Patton’s, though, and so he had little trouble reaching over and depositing his handful of seawater & tiny mermaid directly next to Logan.

“Virgil!” the human said, relieved, and he reached out to latch onto the mer, confirming Roman’s name suspicions.

‘Virgil’ had yelped like a baby seal upon being upended onto the beach, and he was now blinking between Roman and Logan with an air of extreme bewilderment.

“Virgil,” Logan said again, now in a very different tone. He wore a tiny, furious expression as he launched into what sounded like a somewhat-feverish lecture. He also reached over and pulled the mer into a hug, confirming Roman’s ‘he had no idea Virgil was going to pull this’ suspicions.

Roman was so right about so many things today. Everyone should listen to him all the time!

He wriggled back a little, intending to give them some privacy to talk, and made absolutely no progress. Uh oh. He glanced down at the others.

“I am just a little bit, slightly, somewhat, completely beached again,” he told them, his face growing hot. “I hope you two appreciate that I did this even though Patton is absolutely never going to let me live this down.”

“Need me to reel you back in, kiddo?” Patton called, right on cue. Roman sighed, planting his face in the crook of his elbow for a moment.

“Just a moment,” he called, and then met Virgil’s wide eyes from over Logan’s shoulder. “It seems like there’s still much for you both to discuss, my undersized acquaintances. We shouldn’t stay so close to land for long, but I imagine you’ll feel better if you keep him company until someone comes for him, right?”

Logan’s brief spark of energy seemed to be flagging, but every time Virgil attempted to disengage from the hug, he clung on tighter. After a brief moment of hesitation, Virgil conceded to the clinginess and simply nodded at Roman, still half-braced for something awful.

Roman gave him his most reassuring smile. “Then that’s what you’ll do. You know where to find me or Patton, if you need us!”

“Really?” Virgil asked, hands fisting in the back of Logan’s shirt. “You’ll let me-- you’ll leave us alone? Just like that?”

Roman nodded, lips twisted in sympathy. “Just like that.”

Virgil’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, fins flattened against the sides of his head-- and then he took a deep breath, loosened his grip just slightly, and nodded back.

[vynsvision]

Easily one of my top three characters now in the game, im so glad she came home.

I debated on saving for Alhaitham, but since I had the guarantee, and I want all the archons eventually, I went ahead and got her.

Her story is so very special to me. Tiny spoilers ahead :)

She has so much knowledge but overthinks often, powerful yet lacking confidence. And I dont blame her for either of these things- if you watch her birthday video by HYV, and in general pay attention to the story and what's said about her in it, she never really got the chance to live any sort of childhood, however Archons have childhoods. She has a lot of trauma because of that, and because of being locked away she doubts her worth.

The Traveler breaking through that barrier to wake her up was so important to me. Someone fighting to get to her, to show her and prove to her she is so worthy of being rescued. Worshipped, even. But most importantly she is loved by those who rescued her, loved by her people. No longer will the Akademiya with their own motives rule the consciousness of Sumeru, but one who truly wishes for success and peace is in charge. And she doesn't even control the tool- she got rid of it so that people could stand on their own imaginations, curiosity, and knowledge. That proves that she cares for her peoples' individuality and for them to work together to help each other. She encourages it rather than controls it. Gives advice but realizes where she needs help to understand or explain, and eagerly thanks when she is told something she doesn't know.

Also, in her personal story about the dreams... its so important that she gave the dreamer who wanted to "be a slime" an attainable goal. I was so afraid she was going to say that he should go off on an adventure or something, when instead she suggested he ground himself in things he loves in the moments he needs motivation. I personally am going through a season of life that is similar to his, and I greatly appreciated that direction instead of "just totally, radically change your lifestyle!"

She's incredible. Strong, caring, and she has so much room to grow. Again, she's easily in my top favorite 3 characters in the whole game. 💚🥰

[excaliburofficial]

Some headcanons I have about Patty Thompson

My last post about my SE headcanons did pretty well which I wasn’t expecting!!! 

I wanted to talk some more about Patty because I think about her a lot and I love her so much?!? I think there is so much room for depth in her character that just doesn’t get explored in canon so gdi I’ll do it myself I guess lol, a lot of this is gonna be related to her growing up tbh 

TW for mentions of CPTSD and very vague talk about trauma, not graphic at all but just FYI!! :)  

As I said in other posts Patty is an EPIC GAMER™. She built her own gaming PC (w/ Kid’s money lol) and learned some programming also. She gets into making mods and discovering game breaking mechanics/glitches. Her fav games are Dark souls, Bloodbourne and the Resident evil series but she will give most games a try and plays a lot of nintendo casually

Patty is actually pretty smart! There might be a lot of things that she doesnt know but that’s because she didnt get an education and not anything to do with her actual intelligence

Going on from that the reason that Patty struggles with stuff at the academy isn’t because she’s dumb but because she doesnt have that foundational education and also isnt a very strong reader. This is why she had trouble studying and taking the big exam

I think that also part of why she acts silly/dumb is a defense mechanism and trauma response from how she grew up, she def has C-PTSD 

Growing up she also never really thought that she would live that long (liz too) and thats part of why she can be so reckless

Unlike Liz though I dont really think Patty is that aware that her childhood was as traumatic as it was, like on some level she understands but not completely which is at least partly because of denial 

she’s a total metalhead and knows tons of niche metal bands 

I feel like she and Black*star become pretty good like friendly rivals through time. They are prob both  EPIC GAMERS™ but Patty is way better and beats his ass at mario kart. Idk I feel like they have a lot in common and prob have a lot of overlapping tastes

She is acespec

She is obviously in the worm on a string and furby fandoms like come on

She has dyed her hair a really weird color at least once

She is kinda outdoorsy and likes to go camping on occasion. some of her fav camping  activities are hiking, making the campfire, and looking for frogs

She loves going to fairs/carnivals/amusement park/festivals when she can and especially loves the food. She will fill up on all the deep fried food she can and somehow always has room for seconds plus snowcones. She is also pretty good at the carnival games (duh) and the people that run the stalls always think she is cheating

I honestly just really love hcs and i have so many for this cast so i might be posting them a lot 

[spockandawe]

First of all thank you for your edit in mtl finale and extras chapters of thousand autumns....I see your blog talk alot about mxtx works and faraway wanderer (love your blog, btw)....can I ask about qian qiu? Who are your favorite characters in qian qiu? And what do like about shen qiao and yan wushi relationship? Thanks again.....

No problem at all!! I was having such a lovely time with that book and was heartbroken to see that translation gap at the end. I wasn't sure anyone would be interested in an mtl edit, and it's been delightful to see how happy it's made some folks! Someday I'll have to go through a side by side reading with a real translation and see how good my instincts were, haha

Oh man, this book...... Okay, to start, by far, my faves are Yan Wushi and Shen Qiao. They're both very strong Archetypes, but executed in a really lovely compelling way. My least favorite part of the book is honestly the overwhelming number of side characters, and if I hadn't enjoyed both leads so much, I would have absolutely stalled out. It's not a problem with the author, because i love the peerless/wushuang side cast, but something about this book... Some of the side characters were decent, like Bai Rong and the kids, but the two leads were what kept me going.

Shen Qiao is less My Type, and I'm not even sure how to explain why I like him so much. He's not UNlike Xie Lian, but even if they have similar temperaments, they have different priorities. At first I dont think I cared about him too-too much, and i worried he would just be a passive sexy doormat, because that is a character type you sometimes run into in the genre, but THAT actually echoes how i initially responded to Cui Buqu in Peerless, where the author baited and switched me HARD on what a character was all about. And i love it!

When he thwarted Yu Shengyan's assassination road trip adventure, even blind and amnesiac, that got my attention, but i dont think I REALLY got into him until he stone-cold killed a man. It's a really interesting balance of values going on with him, where he works so, so hard to be kind, in the face of an overtly cruel world, where he is FREQUENTLY hurt by his own determination to be kind, and.... where he still has his limits, which people can cross, and where he WILL respond as one of the top martial artists in the world. I just think he's Neat, especially in contrast to.......

YAN WUSHI! the clown love of my life! (I kid, feng xiao is my actual favorite clown man, but yan wushi sure is a hell of a contender). He's so INTERESTING. Especially in the early parts of the book, he very much is NOT kind, though he sometimes does kind acts for what are... usually cruel reasons. Saving Shen Qiao to see if he can corrupt Shen Qiao, things like that. It's an archetype i don't mind, but one I would get bored with if it was static over the course of a whole book. But also..... it's an archetype that is hard to believably develop past, especially when he isn't our main pov and our characters sometimes spend extended periods apart.

I desperately wish we had any more or his backstory, especially from his childhood, and what made him change his name, and what made him pick THIS name, where (i think) 'wushi' uses the characters for 'without a teacher'. I absolutely LIVE for his story about how a man tried and tried to polish a stone into a gem, until he had to finally admit that a stone was a stone, and he liked that stone better than any gem he'd ever seen. And especially........ I live for the way that by the time he tries to tell that story, Shen Qiao is absolutely DONE with his bullshit and is barely listening to what he says and parses exactly 0% of his intended meaning XD

Yan Wushi is perhaps the most self-sabotaging lead I've ever read in a novel. It's WILD. And to a certain extent, it smells like trauma, though the book never confirms anything, and Yan Wushi never tries to make excuses for his own shitty behavior. I would like him a lot less if he did, honestly. He spends a LOT of time acting in inexcusable ways, and only very gradually starts to realize 'wait, shit, i shouldn't'a done that'. And even then, when he knows what he WANTS, he still criticizes Shen Qiao for being willing to forgive him for his past actions. Shen Qiao rides a very fine line between being a reasonable character and being a caricature of a martyr, and Yan Wushi is one of the only characters who's willing to really dig into that.

And as he does so, he's very upfront about how HE is one of the people who's taken advantage of Shen Qiao too. It gives a very interesting flavor to the way his feelings grow. He says he's not sorry, and he never performs remorse or asks for forgiveness, and that.... I wouldn't necessarily say that he doesn't have any regrets, but the way he presents himself to Shen Qiao is brutally unforgiving, in a really interesting way that I haven't seen elsewhere.

(And once he starts being a little more kind and courting shen qiao more seriously....... what a fucking clown man playing clown games. When he did a deliberately shoddy cover-up of a fake medical emergency to try to trick shen qiao out of leaving. I just. I mcfucking lost it)

(Also the traumatic brain injury adventure. Also Yan Wushi being bitterly jealous of himself. The clownery is CHOICE)

And. I can't leave without saying a quick word for my two good boys who aren't actually good at all. Bian Yanmei, Yan Wushi's oldest disciple.... I love him. Why? We just don't know. But he's a good, polite boy, i swear, and there's something so charming about him (yu shengyan is also a good boy). And then there's Yu Ai. This. This is my type. This is a boy who's made a terrible choice that poisoned everything he cared most about, where he didn't realize how much he was ruining as he did it, only realized the consequences of his actions after it was all said and done. No matter how bitterly regretful he is, it can't be undone, and all he can do is press on along the path he's chosen, torn between the awareness that if he turns back now, he'll have sacrificed everything for nothing, but also the desperate desire to salvage something of what he once cherished. He showed up, and i was like 'oh no, you're going to make me hurt.' Sure enough, i cried. Yu Ai is so much my jam that it hurts. I can't even handle him.

[witchysolfan]

(Tw: abuse mention, self destruction, self harm hints)

Alexis recognizing Starscream’s self destructive and self sabotaging behaviors for what they are because she went through it too. She starts to coax him out of it and bring him back down, recognize the behavioral patterns and helps him adjust.

Starscream seeing Alexis’s scars on her arm she hides away. She shows them to him one day in a demonstration of trust and shares her experiences. Some of them echoing his own trauma.

She does not baby him. She calls him out on his bullshit. Likewise he snidely points out when her own bullshit starts. They both check each other. They both grow together.

Starscream takes Alexis’s phone and connects it to his comm frequency so he can always check in on her.

Alexis using her music playlist to connect with Starscream as it has helped her immensely on her own ongoing recovery. She hopes it can help him too.

A man once tried to grab Alexis in a hiking trail. A jet flew over after hearing mid call with her the struggle and screaming. A giant from the sky, landed, and reached out with clawed hands to put a red stain on the earth. Alexis held nothing against Starscream for the kill. She wasn’t some moral high ground character. She was a very human and very flawed person that has seen darkness in the world. She was relieved and grateful. Sometimes some darkness is necessary in order to live.

Alexis completely understanding Starscream when he vents to her in self horror that he misses Megatron. He misses the familiarity. He misses it, even the pain because it was something familiar.

“I know Star, I know. You miss it. But don’t miss it too much. You’ll fall right back in.”

It hurts when he does eventually fall right back in. Their paths diverge. Alexis meets the Autobots officially, Starscream goes back to the familiarity of Decepticons.

But she never stopped reaching out.

Alexis finding herself in the Nemesis, trying to sneak around but Starscream luckily finds her first. He hides her, taking care of her until she can get off. He can handle the pain but the thought of anything happening to her fills him with dread and strong protectiveness.

Alexis calling out Starscream repeating the cycle of abuse with Predaking.

“Dont. Don’t be like him! Don’t be...like me....” she grips his thumb as he holds her on his palm. Cradled close while shielding her away from the growling predacon. “.......I hurt someone too. They didn’t deserve it. But I hurt them. I hurt them still even though I knew it was wrong...I became just like him....I moved away. I didn’t want to be like him. I wanted to be in control, but it wasn’t right the way I did it.” Alexis looks up at Starscream, meeting his gaze.

“Don’t be like him, Star. Break it. Break the cycle or else it never ends.”

The electric prod drops.

There is still a long way to go but this is a start.

Predaking will remember this moment when the little organic stopped the silver jet from demeaning him. It is far from an apology from the jet and there is still strong resentment but it’s a step in the right direction of an understanding. Especially with the organic’s help.

[masked-puppetmaster]

hey, i saw you asked a while ago why dream & techno apologists are apologists for those characters (and you liked a bunch of my posts concerning that, actually) i was wondering if you still have any more questions - and also i wanted to ask if you wanted to talk a bit about c!tommy and what makes you like him so much? like is it just the emotional attachment to him? is it the trauma? anything specific about the way in which he is written? i've always watched his pov & i'm very curious! / - red

yo yo yo hey! I think I understand it a bit more now, for the dream & techo apologists, I think I’m still a bit confused when it comes to technoblade. I see a lot about people only using him as a weapon/ him not being able to trust people / no one sticking up for him and I’m not sure where it comes from? In all fairness, I only know him as the guy who executed Tubbo / spawned withers but im assuming that’s in large part because I came into the story so late (iirc I didn’t really get into the dsmp until around doomsday, and I got most information of past events just by like. osmosis or reading wikis) so I might simply just not have enough information on techno to get it. Like, he executed Tubbo under a lot of pressure iirc but that doesn’t take away from the fact he did execute him? or things with the withers, I know technoblade doesn’t like the government and I’d go as far as to say he has a point, but was it really necessary to destroy lmanburg (iirc, multiple times). I know he was mad, but I feel like he shouldn’t have taken in that far, like from what I see and understand it’s like yes he had his points but he hurt people and doesn’t seem to care that he hurt anybody, just kinda stands there assuming he’s right about everything and not rlly looking at the situation from anyone else’s perspective. That being said like I said I came into the story really late and so my arguments might be able to be chalked up to just a lack of proper context, and even if I’m kinda annoyed at Technoblade’s behavior I still like him as a character & when techno does stream I enjoy the content so I’m not like a technoblade hater or anything I just don’t see why people can be apologists for him bcos from my pov he’s just kind of hurt people and not taken any personal responsibility for it (I mean this as in acknowledging to himself he was ever in the wrong; ex. The whole Tommy / techno betrayal situation which I think was a p complicated matter to be fair he just keeps saying over and over how Tommy betrayed him and it doesn’t seem to me like he’s even bothering to look at the situation from Tommy’s pov or rlly reflect on his own actions at all)

I just rlly like Tommy! I think at least some part of it can be chalked up to Tommy being the first streamer I watched in the dsmp and one of the ones I watch the most from (half the time I’m watching the dsmp it’s a Tommy stream) so there’s just gonna be some inherent bias towards him there like there is with literally any of these streamers. As you put it, it is kinda the trauma, haha. trauma and emotional attachment lol. I think part of it is I relate to him a lot, and I can see where he’s coming from on a lot of things, and I also just like the way his character is written. Smthn abt him that people have pointed out is that his trauma isn’t pretty and romanticized it’s ugly and yk he acts out and all that, which I appreciate. I can see where he’s coming from on a lot of things or at least understand why he thinks the way he does. I like seeing him learn and grow I like seeing his arcs both personally with himself and with other people. He’s an interesting and complex character and he’s been through a lot and I think it’s just super interesting to see how what he’s gone though affects his mental state and his actions as a character, like just from like a mental analysis standpoint there’s a lot to talk about which I think is pretty cool. this isn’t to say that he’s never fucked up or done anything wrong, because he has, but to be fair so has everyone else on this server I don’t think there’s a single member of the server who’s done nothing wrong (except maybe like. Charlie. Charlie my beloved). He’s made his mistakes but every good character fucks up that’s what makes them a good character is their flaws and so with the ways that he’s messed up and the ways he’s hurt people I’m an apologist because I can see why he acts that way, where the feelings and actions are coming from and I can forgive him for it because I understand the why. Also I just think the punishments he’s received for his actions are rlly unfair, easy ex with exile he did something many people on the server have already done at one point or another and was exiled and mentally broken down over it and rlly it’s just been like one thing after another and even if he’s made mistakes he gets way more harshly punished than I think was fair. I’ve seen people talk about how annoying and selfish his character is and when I read the posts (not all of them, there’s a nice chunk of people who are civil about it) it just seems like they’re not rlly thinking abt his character and his experiences. I’ll see people explain his signs of trauma and say it’s annoying because it’s not soft crying trauma it’s messy acting out trauma which it’s just like you do not understand this at all, do you? Or with the discs, I’ll be honest with you here. I will defend Tommy’s attachment to these stupid little music discs till the day I die. Why can’t he have his discs? They’re his , they’re not even that valuable outside of the fact that they’re his, why can’t he have things? why isn’t he aloud to have items he’s attached to without someone taking them for the sole reason of he likes them. And all I see is people saying he is selfish and cares about the discs more than people, which is literally disproven in the rp. Ranboo flat out says he’s not selfish, when Tommy takes the blame for George’s house (also keeping in mind here tommy and ranboo barely knew each other at the time, and if Tommy was actually selfish he could’ve very easily dragged Ranboo down with him) and when it comes to the discs he’s given up the discs multiple times in favor of helping other people (he gave them up for lmanburg, and then for Tubbo I think twice actually) and the one time he told someone the discs were worth more than they were, that was the moment yeah made him realize he didn’t like who he was becoming and he immediately backtracked and allowed the disc to be handed over. TL;DR he’s not selfish he’s just got a lot of strong attachments and his attachments are both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness. And he’s a kid, he’s been though a lot of things, he’s got a lot of trauma he’s dealing

with and it’s not always pretty but he gets better, he has his arcs and he gets better and learns from some of his actions, and I think looking at him and his yk. Timeline and character development and arcs and his whole like mental deal and just general character choices are super interesting and I find it fun, as someone who enjoys character analysis, and all in all I love him I relate to him in some ways and some of it also might just be emotional attachment and bias towards him as Tommy being one of my comfort streamers

& it’s fully possible someone could have just as much of an argument for c!techno, my deal w looking at c!tommy making mistakes and c!techno making mistakes and being able to be an apologist for Tommy and not for techno is more about me understanding tommy’s character better and understand the reasoning and the why behind the things he says and does, vs. techno who i dont really get and i can’t be an apologist for him if I don’t understand anything hes doing or why he’s doing it and then seeing him over and over dismiss other peoples perspectives and never rlly reflecting on himself (not to say Tommy couldn’t use at least a little of that himself- I am Looking over at his relationship w Jack Manifold lol) can be kinda frustrating but as I said earlier that might just be me not knowing all the proper context

I could probably write more about Tommy especially when it comes to the whole technoblade vs Tommy thing but this post is already way longer than you probably ever wanted to read so I’ll stop now I’m sorry I’m just hyperfixated haha and yk if anyone wants to like add arguments or points or if you or someone rlly likes technoblade or dream or whoever and wants to talk to me about that go ahead I encourage that like I rlly enjoy having those conversations w ppl provided theyre civil abt it bc like we’ve all said a million times over before eveyone in the dsmp is an unreliable narrator and you’re just going to automatically have a bias towards a character if you watch their POV most and all that so. Yk I am a tommy apologist but I watch his streams most and I’m also just emotionally attached so anything I can say has to be taken w a grain of salt bcos I’m biased towards his character

[palmett-hoes]

what's your take on the foxes mbti?

oh buddy ur never gonna believe this but i wrote a foxes MBTI post YEARS ago

im also not into mbti anymore and haven't been for many years so that post is probably still more accurate and in-depth than what i could give you now. i’m just gonna copy the whole thing but i read it over and it still totally vibes w how i understand the characters, like way more than i was expecting it to. i only made one edit (it’s marked) and it was to add a detail not change anything

i hope you’re really really into mbti otherwise this’ll probably be gobbeldegook

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i used to be obessively into mbti so here’s an analysis based on cognitive functions mostly.

SKIP IF YOU WANT. for anyone with no idea how it works, here’s a quick rundown: cognitive functions are about the way people think, process, and prioritize information, not necessarily how they act, though people who think the same way often act the same. the 8 letters that make up a type represent how people process and prioritize internal and external stimuli. every letter actually has an ‘internal’ and 'external’ form so there’s Thinking (internal(ti) and external(te)), Feeling (internal(fi) and external(fe)), Sensing (internal(si) and external(se)), and iNtuition(internal(ni) and external(ne)) t’s always go with a corresponding and opposite f (like ti and fe always go together), same with s’s and n’s (ex: si and ne always go together). a set of  t, f, s, and n in a specific order makes an mbti type.

neil: intp (ti ne si fe)

neil has incredible analytical ability although it’s very programmed for survival but he’s also a fast thinker and very quick to adapt to new environments. he also approaches things from original angles that other people dont consider, all that sounds like high ti/ne. the lower functions fit well too. in times of stress, he returns to old habits and falls back on what’s familiar, that’s classic low si. his emotions are also very exterior. he’s bad with other people from lack of exposure, but he’s committed to harmony between those close to him and has an impeccable ability to read the emotional states of others while being completely oblivious of his own, and his sense of self is tied to exterior things like exy, friends, keys, and legal documents (lol) that’s fe

andrew: intj (ni te fi se)

ni is really hard to describe but it has to do with being able to draw conclusions from scattered input, which fits with andrew’s uncanny ability to spot lies and obsession with finding out the truth, especially with high te, which is about spatial order and logic, think of how prioritized he is with the physical order of things: who sits where, who wears what, etc. a lot of people want to make andrew infj i bet as like a “subversive reading” but he’s definitely not. i used to be really close to an infj and they have hyper-empathy, as in she would describe not just caring about other people and being able to read their emotional states but literally feeling the things the people around her felt. this is a common result of the ni/fe combo, and the reason why andrew is definitely not infj. tertiary fi fits very well instead because andrew is deeply attuned to his own inner emotional state. he’s self-confident and doesn’t care about other people’s perception of him, but he’s also very concerned with his own feelings and understanding them, even if they’re repressed. he’s also very aware of his physical surroundings, which plays into his deductive ability, although it’s not his focus. that’s low se

kevin: estj (te si ne fi)

kevin is a classic estj. he’s controlling, demanding, and driven. he tries to control the actions of those around him and gets very distressed when things dont run smoothly, as well as having strong feelings about improving efficiency. high te people make great managers. kevin’s whole story arc is about breaking old habits, which is a very si problem. it has to do with trusting and craving memory and familiarity, and explains kevins need for endless repetition. he’s innovative, though, coming up with new strategies and drills (ne), it’s just based on what’s already familiar, and you can see him spiral into creating all possible worst-case scenarios when he’s stressed (low ne stress reaction, they like to be prepared). finally, he’s a dick, but he cares about other people and wants to improve their lives, as well as being very reliant on other people’s perceptions of him to define his own self-image (low fe)

dan: esfj (fe si ne ti)

dan’s top priority, over everything else, is her team. she wants her team to improve, she wants her team to win, she wants her team to work together. it’s all about the collective. we also see that she’s very open with others and makes a lot of effort to both make new ties and maintain old ones, that’s high fe. she’s sentimental and attached to the past too (si)  esp the photo wall, but we also see her very unwilling to let go of the past ie the monsters but eventually willing to change and grow to mend team cohesion (ne). we also see the fight in underlying logic (low ti) with her: she knows the team needs the monsters to cooperate but she cant figure out how to do it

matt: enfj (fe ni se ti)

so enfj’s experience infj hyper-empathy too, but to a slightly lesser extent (primary fe is more group cohesion, secondary fe is more understanding others), and through this we see matt’s easy-going open friendliness and ability to befriend even prickly little neil, because he has an extremely good sense of what other people are feeling and need, it also explains why he doesn’t hold a grudge against the cousins in the same way dan does, because he understands where they were coming from. se is associated with a general boisterousness for life, as it’s about experiencing the world around you, which explains matt’s happy-go-lucky disposition and puppydog behavior. the ti aspects mostly go into supporting fe/ni empathic senses

allison: entj (te ni se fi)

i mean, allison’s controlling, both in that she orders other people around and in that her physical being and space are very planned and organized (her clothes, her hair, her makeup, etc) but at the same time there isn’t much sentimentality to her, like how she doesn’t care when her car was destroyed. she easily replaces things because she cares about the object’s purpose, not its history and that all smacks of high te/ni. and i mean, the se definitely contributes to her love of designer things and killer looks, because she cares about the world immediately around her, and why live if not in luxury? and fi? is there any character more aggressively self-confident than allison reynolds?? going against her parents’ wishes for her takes a really strong, independent sense of self, but we also see the problems that can come from not worrying about other people, in how she starts fights and can be abrasive and catty

renee: infp (fi ne si te)

okay this one was really hard tbh. a list of other considerations: isfp, istp, and infj. it’s very easy to read renee as high fe because she’s kind, but i think it’s a mischaracteration of why she’s kind. it’s not because it comes naturally to her, it’s because it’s a conscious choice that makes her feel better about herself. high fi people often read as fe because they’re so comfortable with themselves and in tune with their own needs that they can then go and provide for others. i associate her religion with ne, because contemplation and acceptance of the divine later in life is a very metaphysical undertaking that undoubtedly requires a lot of abstract thought. renee’s storyline also revolves a lot around using things from her past and putting a conscious effort into leaving things from her past behind (how she still uses the skills she learned from her past in new ways ie sparring with andrew and protecting the upperclassmen v/s how she held on to her knives even when she knew it was detrimental to her moving on) this sounds like si. her protective instincts also feed into the te need for order, but it’s a looser leash than say andrew, as it’s lower on her function stack but still present

nicky: esfp (se fi te ni)

godd nicky is like a prototypical esfp. i mean nicholas “sex, drugs, and parties” hemmick cant be anything but se dominant. nicky is all about living it up and living in the moment. like he’s sporadic and ive seen it lead people to think he could be enfp but he doesn’t think enough about the meaning of things to be ne dominant (like how he makes somewhat predatory jokes and such, he’s all about the here-and-now while ne is about the past and future simultaneously). also he of all characters has incredibly prominent fi, as his whole character is about living unashamedly as himself as a gay man and the immense self-awareness and inner strength it takes not only to come out to unaccepting parents but also to leave and start a new life when they rejected him. however, fi is also indicative of his communication problems with his family, as he’s unable to tell that the cousins are fundamentally different from him in their needs and boundaries, leading him to pushing them, making them uncomfortable, and being unable to help them, because he’s unable to understand them. the rest are much more hidden, but a party boy shopaholic like nicky would probably need some amount of te order in like an organized chaos fashion (and he’s often headcanoned as liking to throw parties) and you do see him become somewhat pushy, even controlling in those scenarios. ni is the hardest but could maybe be seen in how he’s attuned to the cousins reactions for all that he cant predict them/doesn’t do anything on his own part to prevent them (the way he handles andrew is like if someone poked a rattlesnake knowing damn well what it would do and then freaked out when he got bit)

aaron: istj (si te fi ne)

im a little iffy on this one and worry it might be an analysis based on his trauma instead of complimentary to it, but aaron’s arc is about breaking out of his habit of holding on to the past. he refuses to work towards moving on from his mother’s death, refuses to listen to things that contradict his preconceived notions, and refuses to make changes in his life that could improve it. that’s unhealthy si. he’s really a very unhealthy istj, and most of his traits manifest through his unhappiness with his life. take his te. that would imply that he needs control over his surroundings, but aaron is incredibly bitter and unhappy BECAUSE he doesn’t have control of his surroundings. he doesn’t get to make his own choices, he doesn’t get to control his space, and he hates it. his relationship with katelyn is also indicative of being an istj. it’s stable, not a passionate fling, but aaron is mocked for wanting that white picket fence, married with kids in the suburbs kind of life, and his relationship, which is his primary source of happiness, is built on stability, which is a very si thing to do. in terms of fi, it is aaron that ultimately forces change between himself and andrew. he may have been pushed but he ultimately came down to him knowing what made him happy and what made him miserable and acting on that. also, he’s an ornery asshole who clearly doesn’t care what other people think of him. fi. i dont really have anything to say in terms of ne, probably because he’s so unhealthy but also because he’s not too explored. heyy istj’s make great doctors

wymack: isfj (si fe ti ne)

okay this one was genuinely the hardest to decide on but ultimately i came to the conclusion that wymack, much like renee, is such a developed person that he loses many defining traits of the functions, and can be read in many different ways. so: wymack’s primary goal is the safety and betterment of other people (ie his team). he wants to help people overcome their pasts, which is a very atypical approach to si, but is si nonetheless. on a personal level, too, he’s never able to move on from people, and specifically never moved on from kayleigh,  continuing their shared dream of an exy team for abused kids long after her death. as ive said before, fe in a secondary position is about deep understanding of other people, and wymack’s ability to understand what other people are struggling through is legendary. the ti mostly serves as support to the fe, serving as the analytical backup in allowing him to understand others. as for ne: he is most definitely an innovator with unusual ideas, or the foxes wouldn’t exist

riko: estp (se ti fe ni)

riko is basically what happens when an estp goes bad down to the core. he’s obsessed with personal glory and immediate self-fulfillment (se) he has no impulse control or fear of consequences. interestingly, high se is often associated with athleticism, because high se people are intensly focused on their surroundings (exy). his ti is also super unhealthy as he gets obsessed with ideas that dont really work with objective reality, like his obsession with ownership and power dynamics despite them not actually being efficient, even backwards. the tertiary fe he uses to manipulate. he doesn’t empathize with others, but he can tell their emotional state and what’s important to them, and uses it to coerce them and destroy their sense of self, like how he knew he could get neil to the nest by threatening andrew. EDIT: /additionally, fe people especially in the lower half of the function stack tend to derive their sense of self from the perceptions of others around them, which riko very much shows in how he needs to be acknowledged as the best and won’t allow any competition for his title, as well as his desperation for acknowledgement from his family/. finally, that ni allowed him to keep multiple plans in place focused on one ultimate goal: getting kevin back. the sheer amount of schemes he sets up in order to fool and push people the way he wants is honestly kinda impressive, but he’s a toxic shithead and im glad he’s rotting. definitely not representative of all estp’s

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this is honestly SO funny to read back a few years later bc HOOOOO boy was i way too into this stuff. and this was written a couple years after my Peak MBTI Obsession, which was honestly scary