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copperhawks · 3 days ago

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You're not the first person to make this comparison on this post, but when I wrote this, I hadn't done a re-read of SOTL yet (and the last time I'd read In the Hand of the Goddess was... a LONG time ago, so I couldn't really make a good comparison between these two scenes), but I have now and I've been sort-of thinking this over and have some thoughts on it.

For me, this isn't so much an indication of them being similar so much as it is just an unusually similar narrative beat. A character chooses to disobey an order about not crossing a border during a war in order to go save someone who has been captured and, in so doing, takes out a major antagonist that leads to the end of the war.

But the MOTIVES behind the two actions seem very different to me. Jon goes to save Alanna because he's in love with her and can't bear to lose her. Kel goes to save the refugees because she's responsible for them and takes that extremely seriously. She does CARE about the people, obviously, it's still being done out of love, but she's not doing it because she can't stand to live without them so much as that she's INSANELY duty-driven. She goes up to save Lalasa for similar reasons after being told that a noble's duty to their servants is basically sacrosanct. Kel goes across the border because she believes it's the honorable thing to do. Jon's motives aren't about honor and are, arguably, somewhat more selfish in origin.

So while this is obviously a very similar storyline, I don't find that it's an example of these two characters being similar to each other.

Kel is willing to give up EVERYTHING out of a sense of duty to the people she's responsible for. While Jon is someone who does a LOT of things for his people and spends a lot of his time and energy making life better for them, I can't recall a moment where Jon is ready to give up everything he wants and everything he's worked for just to save his people. Jon actually tells Kel in Squire that he and Thayet work pretty hard to keep themselves OUT of that kind of danger whenever possible, that's the point behind all of the compromises. All of the arranged marriages for his kids are to try to ensure peace through political connections and stop fighting in wars.

This is where they DO differ because Kel feels like someone who, at least at this point in her life, is willing to die to protect her people. But Jon is someone who will do whatever it takes to LIVE for his people for as long as possible. Jon understands that, in his position, it's more beneficial for everybody for him to make compromises in order to stay alive so he can keep making changes that will make people's lives better in the long run. This is a lesson that, while we do see Kel LEARNING it a little during Lady Knight, isn't one that really plays into the final conflict of the book. It's possible that Kel will end up being even more like Jon in this way as she gets older, more willing to stay back herself and trust others to do what needs to be done in her place, but by the end of Lady Knight, that just isn't who she is yet.

And maybe that's what's interesting about the comparison. Kel isn't all that much like Jon YET, and she's certainly not all that much like Jon when HE was 19, but Kel shows signs of being a lot more like Jon as he is during HER series as she gets older and gains more experience. Kel is very righteous, very inclined to just act and get things done, but over the 9 years we get to know her, she has to learn more and more about when to act and when to WAIT. She has to learn when to push and when to bend a little.

As a woman, she's going to be held to different standards than her male counterparts like Raoul or Wyldon, she'll be dealing with different limitations and setbacks than they ever did. And so her approach to leadership will, by necessity, have to be different than theirs was. She does look to them for inspiration, but in execution, I think she'll likely end up far more like Jon. Jon is obviously not a woman himself, but as King he's ALSO held to different higher standards than his compatriots and he was very young when he took the throne and has been very progressive throughout his reign which means he's dealing with certain limitations and setbacks that more conservative people might not.

Kel has strong opinions and firm ideas of what the world SHOULD be like, and that's going to lead her down a similar path of trying to CHANGE things, but she'll be dealing with all of the same limitations that Jon is, which will force her to approach things the way he does. She's going to have to compromise, she's going to have to bend, she's going to have to learn when a fight is worth having, she's going to have to learn to give a little in order to get a little later.

Kel would probably not have crossed the border for just one person. If it had been Neal, for example, and Neal alone, she may not have decided to take that risk. Neal is a trained knight like herself and probably won't thank her for giving up everything to come save him. Kel could probably have been convinced not to cross the border for him, as much as it would've pained her. And Jon I think would not necessarily give up everything to save a few hundred people the way Kel did, even though it would pain him to have to make that choice.

Kel IS like Jon and will likely become even more so as she ages, but crossing the border just isn't one of those places where their similarities are showcased to me.

The funniest thing to me about Kel, and maybe one of the most interesting because of how understated it is, is that Kel becomes a good commander in the end, not by emulating Wyldon who was cold and implacable and insensitive, or by emulating Raoul who mostly only disobeys orders out of principle or because he has an issue with what the order says about his personal relationship with Jon, but by emulating JON.

Kel doesn't even LIKE Jon, she BARELY respects him as a person. He's a good enough ruler that she's willing to fight for him and swear loyalty to him and to at least mostly believe that he wouldn't work with Blayce to make his own killing monsters, but that's as far as it goes for Kel. If he's kind to her, she finds it uncomfortable and almost untrustworthy because she assumes he doesn't care about her and so his kindness and respect towards her must be fake.

But from the outside, as readers, we know just how much Jon fought for Kel. We know how much he does respect her right to be a knight. Jon is the sole reason that Kel DID get the opportunity to prove herself, if he'd capitulated to Wyldon completely, she just wouldn't have ever been allowed to join. Kel doesn't KNOW THAT, obviously, but we do. We know that Jon did everything he could to find a way to convince Wyldon to let Kel become a page. While Wyldon claims later that the reason he chose to let her stay at the end of the probation year was because his better judgment convinced him she'd earned it, I'd be willing to bet that part of that better judgment also included knowing if he couldn't prove to JON that she needed to go, then he'd be in trouble. Kel was training and working in front of plenty of other trainers and teachers who could easily contradict Wyldon's lies if he'd tried it, many of whom are closer to Jon than they are to Wyldon.

Kel's experiences and feelings about that experience are entirely valid, and she doesn't have the knowledge we do about how hard Jon fought for her, so it's not shocking that she's upset with him for a good portion of her series. She never even discovers this truth by the end of her series, even though she does get a lesson from Jon and Thayet (and Raoul to some degree) about how politics and compromises work in order to make changes happen. So her opinion of him by the end is boiled down to the quote from Squire: "good kings weren't always good men." It makes sense for her to think this, but because Kel's knowledge base is so limited (and her worldview so black and white for much of her series), it makes her an EXTREMELY unreliable narrator about this particular issue.

Kel believes that while Jon generally does his duty and keeps the peace, he doesn't actually care all that much about his people as individuals. But in their only meaningful conversation in Squire, Jon is able to point out that he (and Thayet, who is actually equal to Jon in power, something Kel either doesn't know which would be a failure in her education or just tends to ignore so she can focus her ire on Jon) has to make a LOT of compromises in order to get ANYTHING useful done at all. Sometimes, often, it means making deals with people he doesn't like or people he just fundamentally disagrees with, because it's the first step in a multi-step plan to help more people in the long run. He also points out that just throwing his weight and authority around in order to be able to change everything he wants to change immediately regardless of what anyone else thinks about it is a great way to get himself and his family killed. Because even if he had good intentions, that would be tyranny. It does make Kel think a little, but she doesn't tend to like him much still afterwards, her resentment from her page years will always color her opinion of him a little.

However, then she gets to Haven and she's suddenly tossed into a position of leadership over a lot of other people, many of whom disagree with each other or disagree with her or both. And all of the sudden, Kel has to make compromises. She doesn't LIKE the way the sergeants often treat their men, especially the sergeants whose men are convicts, but there's very very little she can do about it without really pissing off those same sergeants and that's not something she can afford to do. There's a moment when Neal starts getting frustrated about the treatment of the convicts and she takes him out to vent to her so he doesn't vent to the sergeants, something that the sergeants would then take out on their men. Kel's reasoning as she does this is that she "preferred to avoid battles with them now so she would have authority with them later if she needed to use it." Later, Kel is talking to Daine and she says "That's all this job is... Trying to please everyone and pleasing no one. And it will only get worse, not better."

Both of these moments showcase Kel choosing to make compromises. She may not like the way the sergeants treat the convicts, but she needs to stay on the sergeants' good sides because she doesn't have enough resources to butt heads with them nor enough authority to just force the issue, and even if she DID, it could cause the sergeants to become troublesome or take out their frustration with her on the men in ways she can't see as well. But staying on the sergeants' good sides might mean letting some of their maltreatment slide if it's not physically harming the convicts. And even setting that aside, she's dealing with nearly 500 refugees eventually, all of which are from different towns in the area and have different needs, not all of which she can accommodate. This requires compromise. Sometimes she can please some of them and not others, but mostly she probably just ends up not pleasing anybody because that's often how compromises WORK.

She never makes the active connection to Jon and his lesson on leadership from Squire while she's in Haven, but that quote up there about how this job (aka being a commander) is all about trying to please everyone and pleasing no one? It sounds a HECK of a lot like "good kings weren't always good men." You can try your best to help others, but often doing the right thing can involve making everyone unhappy. You can't be everybody's friend if you're going to get anything done.

Some of this she might've learned from Raoul's style of command, but Raoul commands a fairly small amount of people (at least in comparison to a King), and so we see him able to be pretty friendly to the people he commands in a way that Jon is perhaps unable to do. And she might believe that she learned some of this from Wyldon, but Wyldon had a tendency to be very unfair and biased due to his raging bigotry and conservative values, as well as the fact that he doesn't actually even LIKE being a training master and that likely impacted the way he treated the pages (he's almost never that kind to the pages, whereas we see him capable of being quite kind with the refugees later, which is where Kel comes to the conclusion that he hadn't enjoyed being a training master).

But Jon makes an entire speech about how he (and Thayet) have been working THEIR ENTIRE REIGN to change laws that help people. He explains how they have to consider the needs of merchants, nobles, farmers, street people, priests/priestesses, and mages. They have to consider not only what these people might need or want, but also what they could do when they feel sufficiently offended and how that could impact not just the royal family or the nobility but the realm as a whole. Jon points out that they HAVE made changes, for the better, and that just because they don't always succeed at everything or because they have to compromise sometimes, doesn't mean they aren't working at making changes or that they don't care about helping people. Not everyone you have power over is going to be your friend, they might not even be someone you like. But if you're going to take on the job of leadership, that's something you have to be willing to accept and work with, which often means making compromises with people whose needs and values are contradictory to your own.

Jon probably knows when he makes the compromise with Wyldon that it will likely impact a lot of people's good opinion of him. Alanna is right there and clearly angry, and we know Thayet doesn't like the decision, either. And it's entirely possible that Jon knows in the moment that Kel herself will put the blame on him because he's the King. But he also knows that if he insists on Kel being allowed to be a page without trying to compromise with Wyldon, Wyldon will quit over it and he'll end up with ten DIFFERENT problems that could cause a lot bigger issues to far more people than just one girl. So he makes the compromise. He sacrifices Alanna and Thayet and even Kel's good opinion of him in order to ensure that Kel gets the opportunity to become a Knight without turning all of his nobles against him which could ultimately lead to a civil war. Is it fair? No, and he knows it. But it's the best option he has in order to get the outcome they all actually want which is just for Kel to have the chance to prove herself.

Kel has to make similar choices once she's finally in a position of leadership of her own. And whether she realizes it or not, without ever even spending more than a few minutes with Jon, she ends up emulating his leadership style more than anybody else's because it WORKS and it works WELL. She'll probably never admit it, she might never even realize it herself, but she's so much more like Jon than any of the other men she sees as role models. And I love that. I love the dramatic irony of that, that the one person Kel only barely respects because of a compromise he made on her behalf that she'll never even know about, is the person Kel ends up most resembling. Jon is the reason she has the opportunity to become the Protector of the Small in the first place, Jon is the person who created that environment that allowed her to nurture those values, and she'll probably never even really be able to acknowledge that, because sometimes that's what being a good leader means.

#keladry of mindelan #jonathan of conte #pots #sotl

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notmorbid · 2 days ago

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all-night pharmacy.

dialogue prompts from all-night pharmacy by ruth madievsky.

you're so alive, it's scary.

being a person doesn't come naturally for me.

what's the deal with this place?

you are my best and my worst friend.

are we horrible people?

i like the idea of having someone to come home to.

i can't tell if you're being cruel or if you're just dumb.

these aren't the decisions of a well-adjusted person.

the less you know about my life, the better.

everyone here is a liar and a cheat.

you deserve to have a life of your own.

a person can't be held responsible for what they don't know.

all relationships are transactional.

no one should have that much power over you.

it isn't too late to come back.

you're uninvited from my birthday party.

i love you, but you're such a cunt.

who do you think you are?

forced intimacy makes me lightheaded.

i know you're in there. let me in.

jesus. why do you have a knife?

what happened last night?

it was less embarrassing to pretend i didn't care.

maybe i'm not the mothering type.

i wish i could carry some of this pain for you.

i need a break from feeling so much all the time.

sometimes i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake.

whatever's going on, we'll figure it out.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm scared all the time.

this is the most i can imagine for myself.

if you're not asking yourself 'am i ruining my life?' at least once a day, you're not living at all.

you act like you're over it, but it's okay if you're not.

all my life, i've felt like a dead animal with its skin still on.

it's a virtue to rid yourself of anything that doesn't serve you.

i've never had a day of rest in my life.

i chase after you like a dog, leaving pieces of myself behind, and every time, you act like that's how it's supposed to be.

you don't take me seriously. i'm not a real person to you.

i can't play house anymore.

never say that name in front of me.

to you, other people are always the problem.

you can't reach a mutual understanding without spilling blood.

want to make fifty bucks?

the only way to really see a person is to lose everything you have in common.

you don't think we'll get caught?

our loyalty is to story, not reality.

just don't do anything that could result in a lawsuit or a tmz article, and you're fine.

i don't have the energy to keep up with your antics.

our most beloved delusion was that lying to each other was a kind of love.

speaking our fears aloud won't save us.

one day, the mask slipped. i haven't been able to wear it since.

i try not to think about my life at all.

a junkie can spot another junkie without a flashlight.

your voice reminds me of wool sweaters.

boundaries? i don't know her.

i'm just sick of doing the same goddamn thing every day.

you are obsessed with a projection that will never love you back.

think of me as a spiritually connected friend.

i know liars. you don't strike me as one.

you have iconically poor judgment.

has anyone ever told you about your past lives?

you're capable of tolerating a lot. frankly, more than you should.

friendship can be a slow burn. you don't have to consume it like a drink at last call.

i'll give you a clue. i work for myself.

you make me want to feel things again.

criticism is still a cousin of attention.

you don't have to pretend to like something just because i made it.

i know you crave being told what to do.

you don't have to settle for being a person things happen to.

you have desires. act on them.

bitch, does this look like an intro to philosophy seminar?

i thought i had quit you.

my favorite. how did you know?

i feel like my organs are cannibalizing each other.

how did i get here? that's not a rhetorical question. i'm actually asking.

i can't tell if i believe it, or if i'm making excuses for myself.

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy how much meaning you see in things.

you're always waiting for the universe to hurt you or to love you. usually in that order.

that's how it was in my family. reading the room was a survival skill.

where will all the animals go in the rapture?

a bunch of fuckups under one roof doesn't constitute a family.

my little saint.

time passes more slowly as a sober person.

you'd better not pull away from me now.

there's a russian proverb that goes, 'so much is ruined by saying it aloud'.

you wear your emotions like a name tag.

your resting face frightens me.

how are you both the most innocent and the most experienced person i've ever met?

i need you to just be here with me.

our dead deserve to see you happy.

i like the idea of being marked by you.

i don't know what i saw, but it was more than i wanted.

i know what i saw.

i can't tell which of the memories are real, if any.

i can't believe you're mine.

nobody warned me how terrifying it is to get what you want.

you're cute when you're freaked out.

sex is supposed to be unsettling.

there are things i need to atone for.

you can't go back like it's nothing.

i won't live in service of my dead's vision for me.

___ was a real person. a murder isn't a metaphor.

count five things you can see. four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. one thing you can taste.

banish one god, and you'll end up worshiping another.

i want to be with you, but i don't want to keep feeling like this.

you know everything about me, but you won't let me know you.

you aren't someone i can keep at a distance.

i've been reading about intergenerational curses.

resisting something isn't the same as not wanting it.

anything you say stays between us.

i can't decide if i like you.

most people only possess a third of the empathy they think they have.

will it get easier?

hope is a tricky thing: losing it is bad, but so is having too much.

i don't want the future to come. i have a bad feeling about it.

in cartoons, you don't start falling until you look down.

why are you here? where have you been?

how did you know i'd come looking for you?

you never asked what i was going through. you didn't want to know.

i didn't have the language for what was happening to me.

you were supposed to protect me.

there's a lot i don't remember. a lot i don't want to remember.

i wouldn't have looked for me, either.

we belong to ourselves now.

you know where i am, and i know where you are. maybe that's enough.

when i'm down, vigilante justice makes me feel better.

survival is provisional.

#rp meme #rp memes #sentence starters #ask memes #ask meme #inbox memes #lgbt #families

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aceingonthecake · 2 days ago

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Very Personal Take on Good Omens

I've always related more to Crowley. It has always been easier for me to understand them than Aziraphale, especially in s1. Don't get me wrong, I've adored Aziraphale since day one too, I just think that, personality wise, we have less traits in common.

However, since the end of s2, I've been able to really feel for Aziraphale and immediately found myself defending them and their final decision. I won't lie and tell you that, at the beginning, I didn't feel angry and even a little betrayed at all, but once I cooled down and thought about it with a clear mind I got it. And, later, I also got the reason why I was feeling so defensive about Aziraphale.

Last year I broke up with my partner, with whom I also had a lot of mutual friends. I was the one to call it off and I did it because there were some dynamics I couldn't tolerate anymore, but I still loved them and I suffered a lot (still do sometimes). Still, I knew it was the right thing to do for the both of us and I never regretted it.

The thing is, the friends we had in common never really bothered to check up on me: I was the one to call it off and I was the one who'd always appeared emotionally stronger, so why would I be suffering? However, they comforted my ex multiple times, sometimes right after I'd gone home, because they just burst into tears in front of everyone. Obviously, I was very sad and cried a lot too, I just avoided doing it in front of our mutual friends to avoid creating sides (when we broke up we promised this to each other).

Connecting all of this to Good Omens, I believe that something like that is happening in the fandom too. A lot of people are hyper focusing on Crowley's pain because it's more obvious and understandable to them, while they're painting Aziraphale as the "bad one" who broke their heart and doesn't care about them just because they were the one who made the difficult decision. And, while I understand it's easier to see it that way, I also think it's not actually that hard to dig a little deeper.

Just because someone's pain is more evident doesn't mean they were the only one to get hurt and didn't hurt back too. Crowley hurt Aziraphale too, even if we might not see it immediately or as clearly as the other way around. They're both suffering, there is no right and wrong side, they both made mistakes and, nonetheless, it's no doubt they love each other and deserve a happy ending.

I hope this makes sense. It's a very emotionally charged analysis so, even if you don't agree, be polite about it please. I know I didn't get too much into what happened in the final 15, but I've already made (and I'll make) other specific posts about it. This one was more of an emotional take.

I'd also like to underline that none of this is a contest about who's hurting more. It's an invitation not to take for granted other people's feelings but actually try and understand both sides of a situation, even if we naturally relate to or understand one more than the other. (Of course, this doesn't apply to toxic relationships).

#good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #final 15 #the final fifteen #good omens season 2 #good omens thoughts #break up

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a-couple-of-notes · 1 day ago

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What are your thoughts on poly coven and if you do have have any what would the dynamic be?

You folks really want that Agatha All Along fic about all the different dynamics, don't you? 😂😂😂 (Referencing this ask--although I suppose I have no way of knowing whether this is the same anon. Thank you for the ask regardless!)

I enjoy poly coven, although I haven't read much of it! In my mind, there are two general ways to approach this: one where Billy functions as their non-romantic glue (the Billy-has-seven-moms approach) and one (more interesting imo) where we nix Billy altogether and let it be a true dumpster fire.

Billy Has Seven Moms:

The single thing they all agree on (no one believes Agatha when she equivocates, and Rio doesn't snarl about it, which is as close to agreement as they'll get) is that the kid comes first.

Agatha and Jen both provide a practical kind of mentorship: technical magical study, potion-making, spells. They snark at each other during lessons ("What happened to 'presenting a united front'?" says Agatha) and if Jen doesn't back off, Alice, Billy, or Lilia step in to stop it from going all the way downhill. Agatha and Jen fuck it out later.

Lilia mentors Billy in history, tarot, and witch culture--all the soft skills that Agatha and Jen aren't proficient in. She enjoys the quiet respect that all of the coven, but especially Billy and Alice, holds for her. She and Alice trade off nights cooking; Lilia's go-to recipes are old Sicilian favorites.

Alice is Billy's Normal Stable Person (TM), a fact that at one point sends Alice into a panic spiral that Agatha and Jen have to drag her out of. She's the one Billy comes to when he needs someone who understands what it's like to be a kid on your own--when he's having a tough time with someone else in the coven, when he's feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of mothers in his life. Alice teaches him guitar, and then, very hesitantly, protection spells passed down to her from Lorna.

Rio mopes around like a disgruntled housecat, never quite looking at Billy. The only time she does is when Billy announces he wants to make a Sharon Davis memorial garden. She doesn't help, of course, not in any way that Billy sees. But she does watch.

Of course, this well-oiled mentorship program works only as long as Billy is with them on the timeshare schedule. As soon as he's gone, it's like a ghost house with five roommates who hate each other's guts. If they still have separate places of residence, they all leave (except for the times when Jen is so annoyed with Agatha they bang first). If they actually do live in the same house, they all go into their separate rooms.

Then they seek each other out in pairs or trios, depending on what they want. Alice and Jen seek each other out when they want a normal date night; Rio seeks Lilia when she wants to talk shop about the old days; Agatha seeks Alice when it's been a hard day and she wants someone to be quiet about it. (Although let's be real: if Agatha's seeking someone out, it's also usually to fuck.)

Sometimes these pairs have a good time together; other times it turns into a fight that someone else cleans up. Lilia keeps count.

The only time the whole coven joins together sans Billy is when there's a threat. Usually to Agatha. Sometimes (futilely) to Rio. It always ends in massive property damage and murder, and there's an 80% chance the five of them have messy wow-we're-all-still-our-version-of-alive-sex afterward.

Agatha makes lots of divorce jokes.

No Billy, Just Chaos:

It's worse.

You know, I'm not even gonna bulletpoint this out because it's slowly growing into its own fic idea, but--in a poly coven where there's no Billy, everything happens a lot quicker and dirtier. (This is also because it veers wildly off-canon, and we're dealing with these characters before they've arced out. You know, the nasty, messy versions of them.)

Of course there's still got to be something forcing them together--soulmarks! Billy dies in episode 4 and leaves them in a crumbling Road illusion! The Salem Seven invade Westview and they all pick the same hiding spot!--but the thing keeping them together would not then be a kid. It would not be someone with a good heart they all care about. It would be one of Agatha's freakishly charismatic cons, utter fear, or a combination of both. Thus, everyone would spiral toward their most feral selves fast.

To wit: Jen and Agatha skip straight to the hate sex, Rio gets amused and jealous and jumps in. Alice, having no kid to protect, focuses her efforts on Lilia (the coven's elder) and Agatha (the coven's leader). This brings Alice directly into the snare that is Rio/Agatha/Jen, becoming--if we're being kind--their right hand and--if we're being truthful--their pet. Lilia considers herself above this weird fucked-up power tangle, but she and Rio have centuries of history, and Rio is almost as good as Agatha at annoying people into making bad decisions. It would be terrible. It would be glorious.

#agatha all along #agatha harkness #jennifer kale #alice wu gulliver #rio vidal #lilia calderu #ask #thanks for the ask anon!

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pinkcowzz · 4 hours ago

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ahhh so. warning. will be talking about arcane s2 spoilers below the cut. i have. so! many. thoughts.

i've seen a few takes that s2 felt very rushed to some people, and like. yeah? i can get that. but also. not really.

there was A Lot of ground to cover so it moved very quickly but the pacing actually made a lot of sense to me. i think that this show has never attempted to tell each characters story in the fullest. like, to me, that's what makes the world building so good. you are only witnessing part of the story. there is only so much of each character that we, the viewers are allowed to see.

yes there was a lot introduced in the final act, yes some of it made zero sense. but, to me at least, it makes it so much more realistic and immersive.

the final act is war time. shit happens fast. decisions are made and acted upon almost immediately. there isn't time to mourn and there isn't time to grieve. if you stop, you will die so you must keep marching forward.

we don't get to see what signed is up to, we don't get to understand the complexities between mel and her mother, we don't get time to break down how the arcane is changing we just have to know that something is happening and it will affect us so we must do something to react.

moving on, i really wanna talk about jayce and viktor first because. their final discussion, had me ill. i'm honestly really glad that they are never officially established in the show, because it makes their bond that much stronger to me.

the first season, we see how their studies connected them and propelled them forward. in jayces case, it pushes him into politics. in viktors, deeper into the arcane. they had to set everything else aside *cough cough their morals and personal relationships(sky & each other)* in order to achieve what they wanted to achieve.

in the second season, we see how that was their demise. for viktor, the creators did an amazing job showing us this with the scene between him and sky.

'i'll miss our talks'

'no you won't'

like holy shit? in those two lines, we see how viktor has fundamentally changed. his goals, his objectives, they got lost somewhere. in the first season, we do see how much viktor enjoys discussing his ideals and thoughts, its what drives him to go and find jayce in the first place.

and as for jayce, he's icarus. he flew too close to the sun and he, in a lot of ways, is the beginning of the end. while ekko and heimerdinger were building their way out of the alt time line, he was witnessing the destruction his invention brought about.

and don't even get me started on them calling each other their partner during their entire last talk. like wtf im ILL.

okay! onto jinx! (and isha and vi) i have. heard a lot of complaints about how one- her death was for shock value and two- that isha's death was glossed over and i whole-heartily disagree.

i think first off, jinx isn't dead. there a lot of people out there who can put the details together more precisely than i care to tbh, but my biggest reason is the airship we see at the end. these creators LOVE their foreshadowing and i mean LOVE (think viktor showing off the invention and shooting that gun to how that gun is later used). i think it's literally the first episode that powder says she wants to ride in one and ur telling me the last episode we get a shot of one flying away? yeah no. my girl is alive and breaking the cycle.

speaking of breaking the cycle, vi would never be able to move on with her life if jinx is still around. she would never be able to grow, to be willing to work on her relationship with cait, would never be able to escape the guilt, etc etc. that's like, a big point that i think a lot of people are missing.

for vi, jinx is everything. and she should be. she is the only family she has left. and had she not walked away from her, there is NO TELLING what would've happened to the two of them.

jinx's 'death' was for the both of them. they can move on now, they are free to allow the shit show that was their childhood be in the past. like hello?????? did y'all not listen to the conversation that she had with ekko in the alt time line? you need to let go of some things to be able to move onto the next and it sucks and it hurts and its shitty but the world will keep spinning.

and the only way that jinx was able to come to this conclusion is because she lost isha. had isha still been around, she would have had to stick around zaun and piltover. but also. i need y'all to realize that jinx is used to losing people, she is used to grief, it is a close friend to her.

and i think, thematically too, vi not moving to the other ledge is SO IMPORTANT. she CAN'T let vander go. that was her father, that man raised her, she couldn't let him go. are y'all connecting the dots? like! hello! do you see?

vi has never been one to let someone she loves go lightly. the entire first season she is grappling with this idea that her sister changed, that she moved on and allowed herself to let her past (kinda) go. it doesn't make sense to her. she allows caitlyn back so easily because it terrifies her to lose someone in her life.

that is who she is in her core.

and that is why jinx makes the decision for her. it's her way of saying, 'i see you, i understand you and i will make the hard call for you because i love you'

so yeah, like i said. a lot of thoughts. im so excited to see wtf is going on in noxus in the future show and am so intrigued by whatever the fuck is going on with mel.

also. maybe it's just me. but i love an open ending. i think being able to talk about the what if's and the maybe is so much fun. not everything has to be wrapped up with a bow on top. again, we, the viewers, only get a small insight into the world the characters live in. this show could go on for ages if we followed them all the way through their lives. this was never meant to be that type of show. go watch friends or smthn if you want a formulaic story that will clean every lose end up for you.

we follow these characters through a formative moment in their life, what happens next is up to them. (and psst. that's what fan fiction is for)

#arcane s2 spoilers #if you read all of this i applaud you it was so much more than i meant it to be but i just couldn't stop writing #i have so many more lil thoughts too like the focus on jinx's hands/nails #the all pink in the alt time line had me sick to my stomach #and the way they were bloody and torn up when she was in the cell #and also her final convo with silco #silco i love you i miss you #omg i didn't even touch on the fucking sex scene #or ekko damn #or the god damn dance between ekko and jinx #maybe ill make a pt 2 to this later when i had the emotional energy to rewatch it #i need to go hydrate now tho bc i cried so fucking much #like i had to pause it multiple times because i couldn't see past the fucking tears #god i love this show #arcane act 3 #arcane #jinx #vi arcane #jinx arcane #jayvik #jayce talis #viktor arcane

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deiastormborn · 12 hours ago

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Arcane Season 2 Finale theory. (Jinx, Cait and Vi)

Heya. Since I was somehow on a roll with my theories about the show previously, and I somehow hit the nail on 90% of the things I predicted, here is a new theory of mine.

Jinx is not dead. Yes, of course, that makes sense considering League of Legends exists, and everything that happened in Arcane happened before the game. Arcane was made canon, and a lot of current lore is being rewritten to match the show, so to people that play the game it's no surprise that Jinx is most likely alive. But how?

Here is what I think:

After Jinx said 'I didn't know your mom was in there', Cait realized that Jinx did in fact change. Or, at the very least, could relate to her pain and mistakes. If you think about it, Jinx's actions were mostly fueled with grief, and the rocket that was shot at the council building happened right after Silco died, who was like a father to Jinx. Caitlyn lost her mother, and became angrier, irrational, fueled with revenge. I think Jinx saying that to Caitlyn made her relate, and maybe understand what is hidden below all the madness that Jinx has in her.

I think Caitlyn and Jinx had a dialogue behind the scenes, that was not shown to us. Knowing Caitlyn's character and somewhat a soft heart, I think Caitlyn sat down and told Jinx that she can't be truely free due to the volume of the crimes that she has done. My idea is that Caitlyn tossed the idea to Jinx about escaping, fleeing, and faking her death. Didn't Caitlyn tell Vi that she became too predictable? Doesn't it mean that Caitlyn knew that Vi will try to free Jinx? Didn't Caitlyn say something about this place being thoroughly guarded too? Yet Jinx managed to escape anyhow?

I genuinely don't think it was done without Caitlyn's interference.

Maybe, after the talk that Caitlyn had with Jinx behind the scenes, Jinx asked Caitlyn to keep Vi oblivious to everything that is happening. Hence why Jinx said that Vi deserves to be with Caitlyn - that could not have gone out of nowhere. Caitlyn and Jinx didn't interact enough in the show for Jinx to say that. And Vi never really spoke to Jinx about Caitlyn for her to make this conclusion.

Now, possibly, Jinx took the whole 'fake the death' quite literal, since we see her go quite suicidal after that. It is possible that she thought that it is pointless, and genuinely didn't want to try and run anymore, hence why she attempted to blow herself up. Luckily, Ekko came in, and the rest we know.

However, it doesn't sit right with me. Not just because Jinx is very much alive in game, but also the fact that we were shown Caitlyn looking at the tower where Jinx fell, while holding the Jinx's monkey bomb in her hand. She also let go of a slight smile when she zoomed in on all the exits and rooms in the tower. Something tells me Jinx knew how to escape, and something tells me Caitlyn was the one who told her. Something also tells me that the balloon we saw at the very last scene of the whole show might have had Jinx in it.

The show is notorious for showing scenes that always mean and imply something. I previously had a theory where I drew a parallel between Vander, Silco and Felicia, with Caitlyn, Vi and Jinx, where Felicia was bringing Vander and Silco closer to each other, and her death ended up splitting them both. I truly think Caitlyn was meant to be the same mediator for Jinx and Vi as Felicia was for Vander and Silco. And maybe that was it. Maybe that's what happened.

Knowing Caitlyn, she is more than capable of forgiveness, and seeing good in people. I think it would be in her character to help Jinx escape, even if it is at a cost of lying to someone she loves.

And, since we see Jinx tell Vi to let go, I think it would be in her character to ask Caitlyn to keep Vi in the shadows.

#arcane #arcane s2 #arcane season 2 #arcane league of legends #caitlyn arcane #caitlyn kiramman #vi #vi arcane #jinx #jinx arcane #arcane theory #arcane headcanon

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froggo-333 · 15 hours ago

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ARCANE SPOILERS

sorry this is about to be longwinded asf but is anyone else kinda disappointed with the last arc. this is mostly gonna be about vi and jinx although i think them teasing sevika stuff but her showing up like twice and not saying shit was also weird. from the start i didn't like caitvi on like a yay shipping level but i didn't mind them that much. the lesbian situationship bit in the first two acts of season 2 were funny, i actually enjoyed it cause hey girl i've def been there before, but the third act is where i really begin having issues. at the start of the season vi becomes a cop. i know she is one in league but with the story in arcane it feels a little bit of an odd choice but i digress, its coming off like she once again is shouldering the blame for jinx. she is vi's problem. she is trying to fix things. obviously this doesn't work, cait starts changing, there is the whole isha protecting jinx moment (isha's character in gen), vi crashes out. the build up so far feels like vi and jinx are going to reconcile at least somewhat to have an understanding of each other, the crashout for vi aiding in this with vi completely changing and then starting to have an understanding of her sister. the vander and isha moment in ep 6 was what i thought to be the climax for this. then act three starts. we're in a different universe where vi is dead but everyone lives in the memory of her. jinx has a huge memorial and pink in her hair, vander has a vi tattoo, ekko paints the mural. we go back to our universe and vi is rightfully yelling at cait not mincing her words at all, sure cait explains herself but never once has she shown any change with her actual actions. Vi learns jinx turned herself in and later when she goes down to find jinx she sees her suicidal and depressed. when jinx tricks her and escapes locking vi in why, after cait gets vi out, does vi not go running after jinx? why does she proceed to have sex with cait randomly in the jail cell her sister was in???? the line of jinx "supporting" caitvi felt like she was bitter and added to her depressed state. remember she became jealous that vi showed up with cait in s1?? that should've been ekko AND vi saving jinx later on. whats the point of jinx coming back with a haircut JUST like vi's and with pink in her hair for barely anything. what was the point of any of this. it does an incredible disservice to vi and jinx as characters and their entire relationship. its weird after all this vi would go back to cait. the final line for them comes off soo unbelievably laughably classist after everything i legit have no words for that shit. "i am the dirt under your nails cupcake nothings gonna clean me out" to the upper class person whose family was gassing zaun and who knows what else historically we as the audience don't know. i simply just do not think a character that is supposed to be embodying the hardships of the zaun would do all that.

#arcane #arcane spoilers #arcane season 2 spoilers #arcane act three #arcane act 3 spoilers #arcane act iii #vi arcane #jinx arcane #jinx #vi #vi and jinx #caitvi #text

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beegomess · 2 days ago

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Dark Paradise || Theodore Nott

Don't forget to watch the previous chapters

19. Birthday gifts

The festivities of return to classes were many, the communal ones, for example, began their organization for the first clandestine party of the school year. And coincidentally or not, Draco and Y/N's birthday was in the first week of September, being always celebrated twice, once at a formal dinner and another at school, without their parents knowing about the latter.

I was still in the first week of school when this was interrupted by the formal festivity of the Malfoy brothers. Y/N, Draco and his friends went to his family's big mansion at the end of the week for the then birthday. For that night not to be so boring, the plan was to go back to Hogwarts and make the most of the clandestine party that took place in their communal in celebration of the beginning of the school year.

At dinner all the family friends were present again, which perhaps gave some sleep in Y/N. The conversation was definitely not interesting, since she and Draco were obliged to show all their gratitude for the presence of people they never heard of. However, the boredom on Y/N's face broke down when he saw Lorenzo enter the place accompanied by his family. The girl excused herself and addressed him with a cheerful smile.

- Enzo, you're back! - She hugs him, and maybe she didn't realize that that was the first time she hugged him. It was beaten for her, but for Lorenzo it might be a sign that she missed you. - I thought you were going to extend the trip for a few days.

- I wouldn't miss your birthday. - Y/N and he leaves the hug, finally being able to see each other's face clearly. Definitely Berkshire had been a little different since the last time you saw him, a different good. Maybe even more beautiful, if that were possible.

- To be honest, you wouldn't be missing anything too much. - She jokes.

- But it's still a chance to see you. - He says in a more serious tone, but soon continues to soften and make her smile. - Even if it's in a boring event.

Y/N would answer him in the hope that the conversation would continue, however, it was interrupted by the approach of both families in another boring conversation.

Her mother's request that she leave her circle of friends a little that night was the reason why the girl had not yet talked to them. A little anxiety hung over Y/N's mind when he saw Theodore arrive with his father, the boy had not yet returned to Hogwarts because he was accompanying his father on a business trip.

At a certain point during the night, Narcisa noticed the boredom open on the faces of her two children when they heard her parents' conversation with two other friends, and decided to make an exception for the two.

- All right, say hello to your friends and their families, but I don't want to see them piled up at all, do you understand me? - Y/N and Draco nodded quickly like children and with a hopeful smile and walked away before the woman changed her mind.

The two brothers approached families that didn't seem to be talking to other people so as not to disturb the conversation, so Y/N subtly searched for Theodore, but saw him and his father with their backs to Laila's parents, which made her automatically look again to make sure she wasn't going crazy. His blood boiled at the thought that his mother had invited a girl she doesn't even want to like.

- Merlin, why is she here? - Y/N asks his brother who seemed distracted looking for the Greengrass.

- Look around, Y/N. If this party was really about us, this here would be practically empty. - Draco says sincerely what makes Y/N reflect and come to the conclusion that his wills really didn't matter in the eyes of his parents in most situations.

- Y/N! Draco! My congratulations on the party and well, on the birthday, of course. - Pansy's mother had a gentle smile as she approached and gave each one a quick hug.

- Thank you, Mrs. Parkinson, but I must confess that the merit in the preparation of the party is all our mother's. - Draco said kindly, which even sounded strange to Pansy and Y/N's ears.

- Happy birthday to you, including. - Pansy said to her friend while her was talking to the blonde next to her.

- Thank you. - She answers distractedly, still paying attention to Nott and Laila's interaction. - What do you think they're talking about?

- About a wedding, of course. - Pansy said simply and Y/N looked at her scared.

- What? But so soon?

- I'm just kidding, Y/N. - Pansy hides a laugh with her hand when she sees her friend's reaction, but soon she regains her composure. - But one hour the subject will be this if you don't do anything. - Pansy warns and Y/N looks at her confused, however, decides not to continue with the conversation. He would be exposing himself with any answer he gave.

[...]

Few people were still in the Malfoy Mansion at that time, the end of the party was already a reality and most of them went back to their homes, including their friends' families. Pansy, Blaise, Mattheo, the Greengrass and Theodore sisters were just waiting for Y/N and Draco, who were still saying goodbye to some guests.

- I promise we're going, I'll just say goodbye to a few more people and I'll be right back. - Y/N said to the friends who were thrown on the chairs of a round table, all bored with her delay.

Y/N moves away again, but with the emptiness of the hall, it was still possible to see her. She and Draco said goodbye to the Berkshires, which meant that no friend lost a movement of the situation if you want. The girl laughed with her brother at some joke told by her father.

At a certain point, Lorenzo takes out a small black box with a pearly bow wrapped in one of the pockets of his pants and handing over the Y/N, who looks at him with some surprise.

- It's very beautiful, Enzo. Thank you. - She ran her fingertips with a small smile over the thin silver bracelet with small diamonds decorating it.

- I'm glad you liked it. - The boy replied without taking his eyes off his reaction for a second if you want. - Can I? - He referred to dressing her with the accessory.

- Yes, please. - She holds the box with the other hand while Lorenzo takes the object, closing it around the stretched wrist of his right hand.

The small touches of Berkshire's fingertips on the girl's wrist made her throb quickly, which seems not to have gone unnoticed by him, who looked at her immediately, smiling without showing his teeth and looking back at the object he was handling.

- It was perfect. - Narcisa's voice reaches Y/N's ears, taking her out of the daydreams that gradually washed away her memories with Theodore.

And then, the farewell ended, making Draco and Y/N go in the direction of their friends again.

- Let me see the bracelet. - Pansy asked, curious to see the accessory more closely. Y/N just reached out for her and her friends to analyze.

- Merlin, he really has good taste. - This time Daphne had a silly smile when she said, Theodore and the other boys just rolled their eyes in response.

- Can we go? - Mattheo gets up already a little impatient for more comments.

Everyone followed him without even answering and Y/N did not react to any of the comments made about him or Lorenzo. Well, you can say that his mind wandered for his concern about Theodore and Laila.

[...]

The friends were rushing through the dark corridors of Hogwarts Castle after disappearing in the black forest. The laughter between them was audible as they approached the entrance of Slytherin's communal.

What broke the smile on Y/N and Theodore's face was the vision of Laila waiting at the communal door to be let into the party as well as the others. The friends came in and Laila, who followed them inside, was just waiting for Theodore inside now. However, she was completely ignored by him and the others of the Elite Slytherin.

Y/N went to the improvised bar made with magic in the corner of the room, while she was stopped from time to time to receive a suggestive happy birthday from some boy, who only received a "thank you" in response and nothing else. The loud music and the dimly lit place gave the last characteristics of a party full of people from other houses.

Theodore was looking for her with some anxiety, he hadn't been alone with her since he arrived, and well, maybe he had a gift for her too. The boy dodged people directing to Y/N, who was still drinking with Riddle next to him, when suddenly Nott feels a pull on his arm and looks back ready to curse whoever it was.

- Theo! - But he avoided a curse when he saw it was just Laila who called him. - Can we talk? - She said loudly for him to hear.

- Can't it be later? - Theodore tried not to look rude, but it was in vain.

- Please, it will be quick. - She insists and he accepts just going to a corner, but a little closer to Y/N, who seemed to have fun with Mattheo in the middle of the other people while they danced. - So, I was thinking about what you did some time ago and... - Theodore tried to pay attention to Lufana, but quickly turned his gaze directly to Y/N dancing while Laila explained why she had forgiven him for getting his name wrong during sex, the interesting thing was that he never apologized, an asshole attitude if he really stopped to think.

- Great, Laila, that's good. Now I have to go. - Theodore said as soon as he realized that she stopped talking and walked away from her, leaving the girl confused and a little disappointed with the reaction.

Theodore walked to the place where Y/N was, but she was no longer there, however, luckily for her she was just further ahead, this time talking to Daphne.

- Y/N, I was looking for you. - He said a little panting, maybe he let his anxiety shine through.

- It was, wasn't it? - Daphne said with a suggestive smile and Y/N just looked at him shining to know that he was looking for her.

- Can you come with me? - This time he went to Y/N, who asked Daphne for permission following him.

- See you tomorrow! - Daphne was visibly altered, she was never very scandalous.

Y/N followed him throughout the community and in the corridor she began to feel an unusual heat, mainly because she was in the dungeons and it was not very common to feel heat there. Maybe this feeling at the foot of the belly was given by the memories of the last time they were together and how much she used this memory to touch herself during the time they were away.

- May I know why we are going to your dormitory? - She asks in a suggestive tone, which makes Theodore smile in response.

- Your gift is there. - Y/N frowned confused if this was some kind of double meaning or if she was misinterpreting the signs. - And I had no way to take it to you.

They entered the room, and Y/N cared little if it was what she expected or not, she was very in need of him to wait for whatever it was. So, as soon as she saw Theodore turning to her again after closing the door, she brought their faces closer and took her gaze directly to the boy's mouth, who reciprocated.

- I see you've missed me. - Y/N shuddered when she heard him say that even better than she imagined. The girl hung her hands around his neck, then lowered one of her hands to rest on her chest.

- I don't know... - She had a malicious smile and a nebulous mind to have him so close again. Theodore really had a gift for her, but that would be for later, he wouldn't postpone one of the opportunities to have her just for him once again, after all, he also felt it. - But you I'm sure you felt it, wouldn't you?

Theodore decides to stick his mouth to hers once again, taking his hands directly to the waist of the girl dressed by the thin fabric of the dress she wore. Y/N sighed heavily when he felt the boy's hands on himself again, which made him smile during the kiss. Nott lifted her on his lap, running his hands under her clothes and putting them on top of the desk. The boy went down the kisses all over her neck and collarbones, like a complete needy. Y/N let out low moans and slow sighs while biting her lips, and for a moment she thought she was in heaven. Merlin, he was hot.

- Teddy. . .- However, Y/N thought he heard a different noise and ignored it, but the noise was repeated, but Theodore didn't seem to hear anything since he was too busy already running his mouth through her apparent thighs. - Did you hear that? - She pushed him away and he looked confused. Y/N jumps off the table and tries to listen again.

- What...

- Shh! - They are in complete silence, when the noise is heard again.

Now easily identifiable, the cat meow came from inside the closed bathroom. Theodore gets up and heads to the door, opening it and bringing a box in his hands. The meood that came from her only increased as he got closer.

- Happy Birthday. - He leaves the box on the bed and Y/N approaches with curious eyes, smiling big when he sees the little black kitten inside the box.

- Merlin, Theo. - She takes the animal on her lap carefully, and as she caresses his little neck he purrs and stops meowing in complaint. - I can't believe it. - Y/N was visibly happy with the animal in his arms while sitting next to Nott on the bed. - He's so cute. I loved it, Teddy. How did you know I wanted a kitten? - She asks without taking her eyes off the cat who was already starting to close his eyes on her lap.

- You told me in one of your letters. - Theodore watched her happily for getting the gift right. It was a sweet moment that he would never forget, not even Y/N. - What name will you give him?

- I already had a name for a black kitten in mind even before I had one. - She said with some pride. - Your name will be Toast.

- Toast? - Nott laughs lightly with the name, and Y/N throws him a fake indignation.

- Well, he's a little toast that passed the point, isn't it, Toast? - Theodore admires her even more for the affection for an animal that has so much indifference to the human being. - Tomorrow I'll go to Hogsmeade to buy several toys and beds for you.

Y/N may have never won such a significant gift like this. The two spent the rest of the night caressing the cat and learning how to please him, when Riddle caught them sleeping again, Y/N was hugging Theo, while the little cat was curled up on Nott's chest, Mattheo couldn't avoid the proud smile that insisted on leaving. This time he decided not to wake them up.

_______________________________

next chapter>>>

xoxo, bee🫶🏼✨

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superheroandcodlover · 5 hours ago

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So before i finish the first chapter i do want to clear the relationship that each member of the batfamily has with the reader, so here it goes!

Damian

At first you and him were swore enemies and they would fight all the time behind the rest back since you don't want to lose the image of them towards you as a easy and no problematic kid it was the only way to get some attention but after you finally became a vigilante the thing between you two would calm you found his vulnerable side the side that dick loved and you got attached to him you two would fight often still but it wasn't anything compared to before and then his death happened....and that would cause a lot of things affecting YOU

Dick

He knows you but he doesn't care that much since he just assumed that you would always be there no matter what and he barely said hi to you thinking that you were okay you didn't need him right? you have alfred and the rest they sure love you even thought you were a little stubborn and annoying sometimes

Jason

Jason didn't know much about you like the rest but he did care he was the only one that shared more than a cold "how are you?" with you he tried to ask about your day but he was always busy leading to never really talking much with you just every now and then and your conversations were superficial talks about your day but it never was heart to heart conversation he would just nod and share his day too and then go to work with your dad

Bruce

He was never a father to you he cares about you just not deeply it was a bitter sweet thing since you looked so much like your mother who was a thief and a meta and he didn't do his father duties he left all that to alfred since he didn't know how to deal with you and well he was busy being batman and bruce wayne at the same time you sure understand you were a easy kid never doing anything wrong or asking for anything at all

Stephanie Brown

She is polite to you at least the two times you two meet she doesn't know you really well she just knows you exist but she won't think about you like never she prefers to hang out with the others

Cass

She is silent and you are too so it never was meant to work, just as Steph knows you exist but you are not in his top three priorities or five...or ten but you don't care...right? And you were a good kid for what she heard from Alfred you sure understand

Alfred

It is a father and daughter relationship but you have a problem with trying to make people proud because you feel that if you don't they won't love you, and your family does nothing to help you try to overcome that though so you always cause the least problem and it was kinda weird for a ten year old that just wanted to help

#neglected reader #batfamily dynamics #dc comics #dc universe #dc fanart #jason todd #damian wayne #nightwing #dick grayson #red hood #robin #batman

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oikawaweon · 18 hours ago

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fragile ft. fushiguro megumi

pairing: f.megumi x female reader genre: angst/fluff word count: 6,1k synopsis: in a slow, fragile basis of the beginning of your relationship, life with megumi has been nothing but ordinary. and in between drunken confessions, he finds out how you feel destined to be an afterthought, and how much he loves you pains him to see you like that. warnings: college!au, mentions of cheating and self-deprecation, drinking. angst with a tiny bit of comfort. might be ooc idk idc.

if you had to describe your current status with megumi in one word, you'd probably have an internal battle about how to define it.

you wouldn't call it weak because even if you had been officially together for nearly four months now, the way your bond and mutual understanding were getting dangerously stronger every day, you swore you could've trusted your life on megumi the moment you crossed paths with him. it was eager and hot-blooded, and you were unsure about what would be next, but you sure wanted it to be with him and him only.

you also wouldn't exactly call it delicate because the intensity of whatever process you two were crossing now—hands intertwined, still learning about each other—made it a sweet type of harsh and a soft type of powerful, just like the desire to get to know him even more and melt into him.

and if it really had to be one word only, you'd stick with fragile. fragile, because you were still visited by ghosts of past wounds and you knew it was the same for megumi. fragile, because you knew well he had his own trammels and issues, and while you loved that part of him as well, what if love wasn't enough for him to let you in? fragile, because a part of you still found it impossible to believe he could actually fall for you the way he swore he had.

you were at your apartment bathroom, putting on your makeup and finishing the last touches, checking up if anything was missing. suddenly, the little visit that came over a couple of hours ago before you'd go out with your friends knocked briefly on the open door to poke his head inside.

"i was thinking, and maybe... i thought i'd like to accompany you this time". megumi peeped at himself in the bathroom mirror, adjusting a stray of his hair to keep it in place. he was dressed up and hair combed, looking all pretty for you.

you turned your head to look directly at him with undeniable joy and surprise. "there's no way".

"seriously. i'm dead serious". he stared right at you, appreciating your look with amused eyes. you took a step closer to analyze his expression and confirm this was indeed, not a joke.

"who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend"

"but it's me!", he responded with an offended chuckle. "unless you don't want me to go with you, which i'd understand-"

"for god's sake megumi, i'm literally so happy right now you wouldn't understand!", you chanted before jumping into his embrace and smelling his perfume.

he sappily smiled from ear to ear with his eyes shuttled, internally awarding himself for making you happy. oh, how he loved seeing you like that.

now it was a lively evening, filled with laughter, chatter, and the faint buzz of music pulsing through the bar's walls. megumi hadn’t been one to attend many of your mutual friends’ meetings, but tonight, it was almost as if he felt the urge to be part of the crowd, if only for your sake. he knew you'd usually thrive in social situations, smile lighting up the room, and easy laughter filling every empty space with a warmth that seemed to draw people in. and since he, for once in his life, decided to go out with you by his side, tonight you were in your element considering it'd probably wouldn't happen again anytime soon.

by the time the middle of the night was reached, you were starting to get visibly tipsy, your cheeks flushed from the alcohol, and your movements just a little looser and carefree. your partner stayed by your side, engaging in conversation occasionally and offering a sense of security through the place with magnetic energy, keeping you in his orbit. he had poured himself a single drink earlier in the evening—just enough to take the edge off the social setting, but nothing that would leave him out of control. the truth was, tonight he preferred to keep his mind sharp and stay observant, especially at a gathering like this. a part of him knew he had to take care of you, and the other one simply wanted to remember this night out with detail. he held a glass in his hand, nursing it while watching over you, with a drunk itadori blabber-mouthing into his ear. he didn't need more than this.

however, as the night went on, megumi found himself a little on edge. you'd already laughed so hard at some brain-rotted thing toge was talking about, nearly dropping off your glass on the table, only to grab your boyfriend's arm dramatically like he was your lifeline.

“megumiii”, you whispered as loud as you could. “did you hear that one? i think it was the funniest shit ever. i mean, ever.”

“you’re at your limit” he muttered back with a concerned, but amused tone. you scrunched your nose and shook your head with a pout, not paying much attention to what he was saying.

“i’m fine,” you insisted, holding up a finger and pushing it into your chest with such determination that you swore he almost believed it (he clearly didn't). “totally…totally fine”.

he chuckled at your motions, and eventually, sensing you might need a break, your boyfriend gently nudged you and spoke to your ear.

“you know... i'm done with the chill guy jokes now. how about some fresh air?”

you stared at him for a second. "you're seriously so boring", you said with a delighted tone before standing up and grabbing his arm to pull him into you and bring him to the stairs at the corner of the bar.

you waved back at the table with a muttered "we'll be right back", and once you reached the stairs, step by step, he pulled a hand to put a firm hold on your waist to prevent you from falling down, his lips wandering all over your arm giving little pecks wherever he could reach.

once on the second floor of the building, the terrace welcomed both of you with the cool night air, a reprieve from the warmth of the salon downstairs. you clung to megumi's arm, looking up at him with a sparkling, slightly hazy look, one he was starting to recognize as a tipsy declaration of love waiting to happen. you leaned against him, letting out a small, content sigh as he gazed at the streetlights and the stars above.

your eyes wandered for a while before finding a nice spot to spend the time: a balcony, away from the noise and chaos inside. you leaned your elbows on the railing, and while you were gazing out at the city lights, megumi looked at the way the wind tousled your hair, the faint smile on your lips as you swayed a little, and even seemed to notice your distant expression, guessing that you might have started to dissociate and were somewhere far away. he stood beside you, leaning slightly closer and letting the quiet of the night settle around him.

you began talking, idly at first. it didn't matter that much anyway, it wasn't like you would remember any of it tomorrow morning. you rambled about something silly you'd seen earlier that day, making him laugh, and then he would add something he remembered at the moment. both of your words were flowing like a stream with no filter, voices soft and warm.

you stood close together on the balcony, leaning against each other as you looked out at the skyline, your cheeks flushed from the drinks you’d had earlier. the night air was cool, the city below sprawling out like a carpet of lights. you two were alone now, away from the noise, and he found himself drawn into the conversation that had become strangely vulnerable, more layered than he’d expected.

somewhere in the middle of your ramblings, your voice dropped to a softer, almost reflective tone. you laughed, a hint of bitterness coloring the edges, and your gaze drifted down to your hands, fidgeting with a handmade bracelet you paired with megumi during one of your first dates.

"you look like you're thinking too much about something", he uttered while taking off his black leather jacket and gently covering your shoulders, sensing that the temperature was quite lower outside.

you jumped as you fell off of the trance you were in and gave him a tsk. "oh it's nothing".

"if you say it's nothing then it's something that's concerning you. we can talk". he was observing too much and that was making you nervous.

you paused a little before clearing up your throat. was it a good idea to talk about it? was it necessary? really necessary? and then, the drunken eagerness hit you. fuck it.

"do you think that... we're heading into a good pathway?

he took a while to try and formulate a proper answer, wanting as much clarity as possible to avoid triggering a tipsy you. "if you talk about us, about our relationship... i think we are heading into a good pathway. why?"

"sometimes i'm scared this might not work out no matter what"

"what do you mean?", he answered with a concerned look.

“not trying to yapp, but i'm not sure if i've ever told you this, yet…” you began, your voice slurring just slightly as you played again with the charm on your wrist, “sometimes i can't stop thinking about how i got fucking cheated on. it wasn’t a big deal, though,” you shrugged casually as if discussing something as trivial as a forgotten text message. sensing his disquiet look, you kept talking in an attempt to erase the tension. “stuff like that just happens, y'know? at least when you're not much to stick around for.”

your words fell into the silence, each one landing heavily, cutting through the quiet in a way that made megumi realize how his chest was now aching. it was the way you’d spoken so casually, so matter-of-factly, as if it were a universal truth you'd come to accept. although drunk, the way you didn’t even flinch as you spoke, your expression still relaxed, but there was an undercurrent of sadness in your words, something so deeply ingrained that you probably weren’t even aware of it.

“honestly,” you swore you tried to stop yourself from speaking, but there was this odd feeling of needing to spit it out under the excuse of intoxication, your voice low and soft as you now ran your fingers along the metal of the railing. “i should've seen it coming with him. he was… well, he wasn’t perfect, but he was my first boyfriend.” you let out a soft laugh, the kind that didn’t quite match your eyes. “i think i always knew he didn’t really want to be with me, at least not in the way i wanted him to.”

megumi tensed, his grip tightening slightly around the rail of the balcony. he’d never really heard you talk about this, about anyone before him, and he felt a pang of something unfamiliar—a mixture of protectiveness and a strange, almost possessive ache. he kept watching you, trying to read between the lines of the sadness beneath your casual tone, the hints of self-deprecation you tried so hard to hide behind some silly narrative.

you noticed the change in his expression and felt immediately guilty for ruining the vibes of the moment. "i'm sorry for-"

"you don't have to say sorry. you can... keep talking if you... feel safe".

the relaxation slowly filled your body as you freed your thoughts. “he was always looking somewhere else, y'know? it’s funny…” you trailed off before chuckling again after the realization hit, feeling it all absurd now. “i think he only dated me because he couldn’t have the girl he actually wanted.” you shrugged, your expression oddly resigned. “and i was fine with that. i mean, who was i to think i’d be someone’s first choice? so stupidly in love and available”.

megumi felt his heart clench again. he wanted to reach out, to shake you from this idea that you weren't enough, that you somehow deserved less because of who you were. he knew you somehow struggled with self-perception, but he hadn’t realized just how deep it went. and it hurt him to think that, somewhere along the way, you’d convinced yourself that you were unworthy of loyalty, that betrayal was something you simply had to accept.

“y/n…” he began softly, his voice barely audible over the hum of the city below them. he wanted to say something, anything that would shake you out of the spiral, to let his girl see herself the way he did. “you’re not—” he hesitated, unsure if his words could even reach you, especially with the tipsy haze softening the edges of your pain.

however, you didn’t seem to notice the interruption, your voice growing a little distant as you continued, your gaze fixed on some point in the distance. “i always knew, deep down. there was this... odd gut feeling all the time when he’d tell me not to worry, that i was enough… but you know, people can’t help what they feel.” you let out a small sigh, shaking your head as if amused by your own naivety. “i was always the backup plan, and that’s fine. i got used to it. people settle sometimes. but it didn't feel right. and now i feel it so right with you that it scares me to even think of it happening again”.

to hear his precious girlfriend saying those things about herself, so casually and yet so cuttingly, felt like a punch to his gut. megumi could feel his frustration building, not at you, but at the way you dismissed yourself as if you were something disposable, something that could be set aside. his mind raced with memories of your laughter, your intelligence, your cockiness, the way you lit up a room with your energy. how could you not see what he saw? how could you believe you were anything less than fucking exceptional?

he leaned in slightly, his hand reaching out to gently turn your face towards him, his gaze intense, searching his loved one's eyes for something—anything—that might indicate she understood how deeply he cared for her, how much he wished she could see her own worth. “i need you to understand that you weren’t a backup plan to him, and you’re definitely not one to me,” he said, his voice firm but soft, every word laced with sincerity. “i don’t know why he couldn’t see what he had… but i do. i do see you, y/n.”

you looked at him, your gaze softening slightly, and for a moment, he thought he’d gotten through to you. but then, you shrugged with that same dismissive smile tugging at your lips as if you couldn’t quite believe him. “thanks, gumi. but… it’s fine, really. it’s not a big deal. i’m over it, and i'm just drunk. you probably shouldn't take me seriously” you said, your voice light, brushing off his words as if they were just platitudes.

he frowned, feeling a growing frustration—not at you, but at this wall you’d built around yourself, this barrier that kept you from accepting the love he was trying to offer. “you shouldn’t talk about yourself like that,” he said, his voice was firmer now, a touch of impatience slipping through. “you don’t have to dismiss yourself. you don’t have to make yourself small just because someone else didn’t appreciate you.”

you blinked, taken aback by his tone, and for a moment, your guard slipped. but then again, you chuckled, brushing off his words with a playful smile, as if trying to lighten the mood. “megumi, you’re too serious sometimes,” you teased, reaching up to ruffle his dark hair, your expression warm but carrying a hint of something deeper, a sadness you still couldn’t quite shake away.

megumi looked back at you, his hand instinctively tightening around yours, and his voice came out low, steady, holding a softness that he rarely showed up until now. “i… actually thought you were funny the first time i saw you,” he murmured, his words tentative, as if hoping they might somehow shift your perspective, if only by a fraction. “and pretty, too,” he added, his eyes steady on you, willing for you to hear him. "really pretty".

you stood there, your gaze drifting up to meet his, and for a moment, you seemed to register the sincerity in his voice. but your smile wavered as if you couldn’t believe him. “you're tripping,” she laughed, waving it off, your voice light but carrying a trace of disbelief, as if his words were something foreign you couldn’t quite grasp.

“no no, i mean it,” he replied, his tone confident and his blue eyes unwavering. he took a small step closer, his hand reaching up to gently tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers lingering there, brushing against your cheek. “i thought you were amazing from the start. and i still do.. and i probably ever will. there's so much more i still haven't discovered 'bout you, and it makes me wanna study you for the rest of my life”.

for a brief second, something flickered in your eyes—a vulnerability, maybe? a glimpse of the girl beneath the layers of defense you'd built. you looked at him, really looked at him, searching his face as if trying to find the truth in his words. nonetheless, as quickly as it appeared, the vulnerability faded, and you plastered on a smile, your walls snapping back up.

“thanks, gumi,” you said before leaning in to kiss his cheek, your tone light, almost playful, trying your drunken best to deflect the seriousness of the moment. “but really, it’s fine. i’m over it, i swear” you gave a small shrug, your voice tinged with a forced nonchalance that made his heart ache even more.

he let you laugh and deflect, but his mind was racing since he could understand the baggage you were trying so hard to release. all those scars left by past betrayals and insecurities hurt him more than he could ever put into words, especially because he came too late to prevent you from experiencing it. knowing that you weren't ready to confront those feelings, he didn’t push you any further, less in this state. instead, he simply stayed by your side, letting his presence speak for him, hoping that, over time, you’d begin to believe him. it really frustrated him, the way you downplayed your own worth, the way you brushed off your concerns as if they were something you simply had to endure. he knew you were stronger than you realized and also that you carried so much more beauty and light than you could ever see in yourself.

you stayed on the balcony a while longer, and though your expression remained casual, he could see the faintest hint of something deeper beneath your face, a shadow of the hurt you tried so hard to bury. he didn’t want to pry, didn’t want to push you beyond what you were willing to share, and decided to wait for you, so as you stood there, side by side, he silently vowed to show you, in every way he could, that you were worth more than the broken pieces you’d been led to believe you were.

when you finally made your way back inside, you sobered up, and your head rested on his shoulder as you walked. megumi wrapped an arm around you, holding you close as if to shield you from the doubts you carried. and though you might not remember much of your conversation come morning, he hoped that, on some level, you’d feel the weight of his words, that you would begin to see yourself through his eyes, if only just a little.

at that moment, megumi made a mental note to himself to keep reminding you of your worth and the love he held for you through every small gesture, every silent reassurance until the day he died. because even if he struggled to be expressive, you were worth every effort, every unspoken word, and every moment spent in quiet understanding.

the atmosphere shifted after your quiet conversation on the balcony, but your laughter was quick to fill the silence, your spirits as buoyant as ever as you headed back into the warm hum of the party. inside, the music now thumped louder, people clustered in lively groups, and the smell of smoke and drinks mingled in the air. once you saw the group again, you practically bounced back into the party with them, your arm linked with megumi's as you steered him toward with a radiant smile. you were joyfully unrestrained and had totally forgotten about what had you so petty a while ago, ringing out above the music as if your earlier words had been nothing more than a passing breeze.

megumi, however, found himself seeing you in a different mood, the weight of your confessions lingering at the back of his mind. he watched you as you laughed with your friends, your movements fluid yet slightly unsteady, your smile big and genuine. but he couldn’t shake the feeling in his chest; your words haunted him, your offhanded comments that told him more than you realized. you swayed closer to him now and then, your hand brushing his, and every time you looked up at him with that carefree grin, he felt the urge to lock you in a glass box and shield you from everything that had ever made you feel so small.

you suddenly grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the dance floor with a mischievous glint in your eyes. "come on! just one dance, please!" you pleaded, pouting just enough to make him sigh but follow willingly. it would be just for once, right? and how could he ignore his pretty girlfriend's contagious enthusiasm, her laughter spilling over as she twirled him around, not caring who was watching or how out of sync their movements were? megumi went along with you, a half-smile tugging at his lips as you spun and swayed, your arms stretching out wide like you were trying to embrace the whole world.

but beneath it all, he could see the vulnerability in you—how your laughter was a bit too loud, your smiles a bit too wide. every so often, your gaze would drift, your eyes unfocused for a fleeting second, and he knew you were miles away, lost in thoughts that were far from joyful. then, with a blink, you’d snap back, finding him again in the crowd, lighting up as if he were your anchor.

as the night wore on, both of your energies began to wane, your steps becoming even more unsteady, your phrases turning softer and a little slurred. megumi noticed the faint flush on your cheeks, the way you leaned into him more heavily with each passing moment, your body resting briefly on his as you cackled at something he didn’t quite catch.

“alright, i think we’ve had enough for one night,” he murmured gently, his voice barely audible over the music, though his words were more for himself than for you. after saying your goodbyes with everyone before they took their way home, he guided you towards the exit with one arm around your waist, trying his best to ignore the knowing glances from a few of your friends as they watched him support you. he could almost hear the teasing they’d throw at him the next day, but he didn’t care; all he wanted was to get you somewhere safe and quiet.

outside, the cool night air hit you, and you let out a content sigh, leaning your head against his shoulder with a soft smile. “you’re a good boyfriend, y’know that?” you murmured, your voice sleepy and muffled as you nuzzled closer to him. you giggled, clearly a little too tipsy and tired to remember half the things you’d said tonight, including your own heart-wrenching confessions. but you were blissfully unaware, your smile soft and genuine as you looked up at your boyfriend with half-lidded eyes.

megumi's heart twisted, and he gave a content sigh, gently brushing a loose strand of hair from your face. “yeah? and you’re a good girlfriend”, he replied softly, his voice barely more than a whisper. he wanted to say more, wanted to tell you that he saw everything you tried to hide, but also that you didn’t need to pretend with him. he ended up holding back, not wanting to burden you in this moment.

as you walked, you swayed slightly, humming a tune under your breath, your head lolling from side to side. you rambled on about the night, recounting funny moments and half-remembered jokes, your words slurring just enough that he had to focus to keep up. but he listened to your every word, nodding and laughing with you in all the right places, his arm steady around you as he guided you along the sidewalk.

when you reached his car, you fumbled with the door handle, giggling as you struggled to open it until he gently nudged your hand away and opened it for you. you collapsed into the passenger seat with a satisfied exhale, stretching your arms above your head as you settled in, you eyes already beginning to droop. he watched you for a moment, taking in the soft, peaceful expression on your face, and he felt that same protective instinct rises within him, fierce and unrelenting.

sliding into the driver’s seat, he glanced over at you, his fingers tapping lightly on the steering wheel. you were half-asleep now, your head resting against the window, and he couldn’t help but reach out, giving you a slight peck on the top of your head. you stirred at his touch, blinking up at him with a drowsy smile.

“y'know, gumi,” you murmured, your words barely a whisper, “i’m really happy with you… like, really, really happy.”

his heart clenched, and genuinely smiled, his voice soft as he replied, “i’m happy with you too, y/n.” he wanted to say so much more, to tell you how deeply he cared, how much your words had affected him tonight, but since you wouldn’t remember it in the morning, he stayed shut and appreciated the moment.

as he drove, the city lights blurred past the car, and he glanced over at you now and then, his system relaxing as he saw you taking a little nap on the seat next to him. the way you had such an important conversation, how you two danced right after, and how you were peacefully asleep in his car, letting him drive you home late at night—it made him think. he realized that there was so much you probably kept hidden, so many feelings and thoughts you carried beneath your exterior, and he felt an overwhelming need to protect you from all the bad things in the world.

when they finally reached your apartment, he helped you out of the car, guiding you up the steps as you leaned heavily against him, your little sounds soft and sleepy. you fumbled for your keys, dropping them once before he gently took them from your hand, unlocking the door and leading you inside. you stumbled over to the couch, flopping down with a content sigh, almost falling asleep right again.

megumi knelt beside you, brushing a gentle hand over your cheek. “get some sleep, okay?” he murmured, his voice soft. and after noticing you weren't even considering going to your room, too worn out to move, he picked you up over his shoulder to take you to your bed. he carefully cleaned your makeup from your face, took off your clothes, and put on your pajamas before tucking you under the sheets.

as he watched you drift off, your breathing slow and even, he determined to stay by your side and help you in any way he could. he had no idea of how he would do it but was pretty sure he couldn’t just stand by and watch you suffer in silence. he had to be there, every step of the way, until you realized he was as serious as you to commit, no matter what it took. because you were totally worth it and you made him feel more than anyone had ever done before. he’d show you that you were his first choice, now and always.

megumi wasn’t planning to stay, but as he knelt beside you to give you a last goodnight kiss, your eyes fluttered open, just barely, and you reached out with a sleepy murmur. “stay, please?” you wish was soft, almost pleading, and even though he wasn’t sure at first, he just couldn’t say no to you.

a faint smile tugged at his lips as he nodded, whispering, “alright, i’ll stay for my pretty baby.” you sighed with relief, closing your eyes as you felt him settling into the bed, curling up like it was the most natural thing in the world to have him beside you. after making sure you were comfortable, he lied beside you, leaning back and watching as your breathing slowed again, your face in complete relaxation. a part of him considered moving to the armchair across your bedroom to give you space, but then you shifted, your hand reaching out instinctively to find his, your fingers brushing against his arm as you pulled him to hug you, like seeking the reassurance of his presence even in sleep. you both held a mutual grip that was soft but unmistakable, and it was almost as if you telepathically shared in your dreams how comforted you were by the closeness between each other. you murmured something incoherent in your sleep, a soft smile gracing your lips as you shifted even closer. he felt a wave of tenderness wash over him, sensing you like this, so vulnerable and peaceful. the noise and the lights of the party, the weight of everything—all of it felt like a distant memory in this quiet, cozy moment.

megumi stayed awake a while longer, simply watching over you as you slept. he couldn’t shake the feeling of knowing that you held such a distorted view of yourself. he still couldn't stop thinking about that. your casual words from earlier echoed in his mind. but truly, you were everything to him, and after all, genuine—he hated that someone had made you feel less than worthy.

eventually, the warmth and quiet pulled him under, and he found himself drifting off, his hand still resting near yours, your fingers just barely brushing against each other as he fell asleep cuddling you.

the morning sun filtered softly through the window, casting a gentle glow across the room. you stirred first, blinking groggily as you adjusted to the brightness, your head throbbing slightly from the previous night’s drinks. you closed your eyes for a moment, recalling bits and pieces of the party—the music, the laughter, megumi’s comforting presence… and then something more, a memory at the edge of your mind that felt both familiar and hazy. your face flushed as you remembered small fragments, wondering if you’d said anything embarrassing.

that's when you felt it—an arm resting near yours, warm and solid. you opened her eyes slowly again, your gaze falling on megumi beside you, still fast asleep. his face was relaxed, his usual guarded expression softened by sleep, and you couldn’t help but smile, watching him for a moment in the quiet. it was rare to see him like this, peaceful and ethereal, and a part of you felt grateful that he’d stayed for the night.

but then a pang of anxiety surfaced. did I say something? you wondered, bits of the night coming back in flashes. you remembered his face when you guys talked on the balcony, how he’d looked at you with an intensity you hadn’t quite understood in the moment. had you let something slip? had you told him about… that?

you bit her lip, cheeks warming with embarrassment, but before you could dwell too much, you felt him shift beside you, his eyes fluttering open. he looked at you, a bit groggy but immediately alert, his gaze softening when he saw you were already awake.

“morning,” he murmured, his voice rough with sleep.

“morning,” you replied, your voice a bit softer than usual, still unsure if he remembered everything.

he sat up slowly, rubbing the back of his neck as he adjusted to being awake. “how are you feeling?” he asked, his tone gentle but perceptive as he tapped your forehead with his finger, like he was searching for something that would tell him about your state.

“im… not too bad, actually” you replied, managing a small smile. you looked away, your fingers absentmindedly picking at the fabric of the sheets, still trying to piece together the foggy memories from the night before.

your boyfriend watched you, noticing the way you seemed lost in thought, and he couldn’t help but reach out, his hand resting gently on your shoulder. “baby…” he began, his voice soft but firm, “about last night…”

you tensed slightly, your gaze darting up to meet his. “oh god, did i… did i say something embarrassing, right?” you laughed nervously, brushing it off with a wave, while you couldn't look at him in the eyes from how your heart pounded as you waited for his response.

he paused, studying your face for a moment. “not embarrassing,” he said slowly, choosing his words carefully. “but… you did say something that i don’t think you’d want me to just brush off.”

your smile faltered, and you glanced down, biting her lip. “megumi, i—” your started, but he interrupted you gently, his hand still resting on your shoulder.

“you don’t have to explain anything now,” he said softly. “it's just that… i need you to know that you don’t have to feel like that. whatever happened in the past, it doesn’t change the way i see you now and it's nothing like what we have at this moment”.

your eyes softened, your heart aching as you looked at him, realizing just how much he cared, even if you hadn’t meant for him to know everything. you wanted to laugh it off, to make light of it like you usually did, but something about his gaze told you that he wouldn’t let you deflect this time.

“thank you,” you murmured, your voice barely a whisper as you met his eyes. you felt your throat tighten, the weight of your past bubbling up as you tried to push it back, but his gaze anchored you, reminding you that you weren't alone in this. "thank you for being mine..."

he reached for your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “thank you for being mine. i’ll be here whenever you’re ready to talk, okay? no pressure.”

you managed a small smile, squeezing his hand back. “i… i appreciate that, gumi,” you responded, wavering slightly. and for this time, you allowed yourself to believe it—believe that maybe, just maybe, you were worth the kindness the world offered. that you deserved the caring and love megumi gave you.

it was all still fragile— the slow building trust between you, the comfort of his presence, the trust you had on yourself as a partner. fragile. but so it was now the fear of being replaced, because as you sat there in silence, your hand still in his, the weight of every bad memory suddenly felt a little lighter, held together by the understanding and sweet amenity between the quiet morning and who you were now sure, was the love of your life.

a/n: okkk this will be long!! first able, i need to apologize for announcing an angstober only for me to didn't even start it 😭😭 i was really excited for that project but a month ago i suddenly became a functional member of society bc i got called for this student federation team at my uni, got into this research project of bioinformatics and even got called to expose for a congress about some drawings i did to communicate science?? with literal professionals?? as a stem girlie i'm like HONORED but as an individual i'm honestly so tired and i'm so sorry for that... however, i still wanna take care of all the 31 drafts i have on this app so i'll be posting them but i assure you this WILL take long lmao. i post this as a little gift and because i reaaaally wanted to show it off soon. hope you let me know your thoughts on the comments. thank you for all the new people here (and the ones who stayed for a whole month), and i hope you enjoy this as much as i do! xx

#jjk #jjk angst #megumi fushiguro #jjk megumi #megumi angst #megumi fluff #megumi x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fluff #jjk fushiguro #fushiguro x reader

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ochrearia · 7 hours ago

Text

Emptiness of Dreams

Dear god okay there's like a billion bitches in here. No one talks and it's YS POV but there's. A billion

I don't know how to explain this any clearer. Read between the lines. This will make sense for the people that need to I promise. Just things I want to say but can't say directly.

BFs in this one-shot: PoPr!BF (Biff, mine), cs!BF (Beefer, mine), wyd!BF (Beef, Karl's), fc!BF (Boyf, Gold's), Cyborg!BF (Cyber, Gold's), sfa!BF (Peacock, Shed's), S2!BF (Bee, Isaac's), ourple!BF (Brooke, Isaac/VS Ourple Guy), idu!BF (BJ, Storm's), mixtape!BF (Bash, Kry's), fightin!BF (Mic, Lunar's), lca!BF (Bunny, Damien's), Yourself (YS)

Blue, Bastion, Baker, and Blake are mentioned but not physically present

He knew he had a problem. Well, that was quite the understatement really. He had a lot of problems. So many to the point where YS really couldn’t understand why any of them were still here. Broken people attracted more broken people, sure. Fine. But even other broken people still had enough logic to understand when someone was too broken, right? When there were things beyond anyone’s help. Tiring aspects that were just too much to keep thinking about. It was easy for others to stop thinking about it when it wasn’t them experiencing it. YS couldn’t stop thinking. Probably never would. Every time something slipped a little bit under the surface of the water he drowned so fast. And it was so shameful that everyone got to witness it. Felt inclined to help when really, at this point, maybe it was just better to let him drown proper.

The space in between dreams was usually empty. The more people tumbling into the space meant more things would pop up, stemming from the day’s thoughts and wishes. It was always nothing but empty whenever YS was here on his own. Nothing but cold fog. Nothing friendly, nothing warm, nothing all that safe. What did that say about his thoughts and wishes, huh?

But the usual emptiness of dreams wasn’t here this time. Not that this wasn’t meant to happen, it just hadn’t happened when YS was around. Mainly because he never really slept at the same time as anyone else aside from… an exception. He’d been going on for a few days without any real, proper sleep, and while he was an Angel, a supernatural being, there was still only so much he could take before his body completely crashed on him. Which was what happened here and now, a lucky outcome that it happened to be at a time where he should’ve been asleep anyway.

So many of his brothers were here. Half of them he suspected didn’t even realize where they were. And with so many selves came a blooming of the space in between dreams. Things, thoughts, safeties and wishes. Taking form as soft wisps of smoke, alien-like grass and flowers, lavender light coming from no visible source at all. The space here never had to make any sense to begin with. It was all just dreams, mashed together in a magic link across realities that wasn’t really supposed to exist. But it did. Might as well make something out of it.

Biff, of course. Biff was almost always here when YS was, and probably the most aware of what this place even was. Not like anyone truly knew its rules. But the longer you visit, the more you get in-tune with how some things work. YS knew some of his brothers had felt him arrive here and changed their paths entirely to cross with his. The others most likely didn’t know what was really happening and were just automatically drawn to a sense of familiarity. All leading back to him. What a nice thought.

Beef and Biff were wordlessly fighting with each other for who got the space in his arms. Idiots. No damn concept of sharing. If they wanted hugs all they ever had to do was ask. They would wake themselves up with this ridiculous tussle if they weren’t careful, but YS could see the playfulness of it in each of their faces. Silent brotherly fighting. Little bastards who cared a lot about each other but refused to admit it.

Boyf and Cyber were here too. Boyf had a secured spot on his left while Cyber lay sprawled rather unceremoniously across his legs. Something akin to the indignancy pile that YS had endured back when his reach only yielded him five brothers. Now, it was so much more. He wasn’t sure if Cyber really knew where he was, but it didn’t seem to matter. There were quiet purrs coming from him anyway. If YS was there, then nothing else mattered. A bit of a terrifying thought for YS- god, when would his brain just pick one? A constant tug-of-war between reveling in the fact he was that much of a safety to someone, and fearing being so damn important.

YS wasn’t really sure where he stood with a lot of his brothers. Which was so… stupid, wasn’t it? Why didn’t he know? They all had expressed some form of deep care for him thus far, from directly saying it to just small but meaningful actions. Choosing to let him stick around in their lives. A stray passing thought. Not looking at him like he was some sort of disgusting freak. Maybe that last one was the bare minimum but it didn’t matter to him. That was still the world in his eyes after everything.

Bash was behind him, asleep. Balancing him while they leaned back to back against each other. Now, YS loved all his brothers. That was true and it would stay true. And it was painfully obvious that he trusted some of them with different things. Was that shitty of him? Maybe. Certainly felt that way to him when he wanted everyone to feel equally important. But there were so many of them now. That wish might be an impossible task now. But maybe YS would burn himself out still trying to reach it. He never wanted to leave anyone on a metaphorical level of less importance somehow.

To his brothers, he felt love and that was clear. And he should stop worrying so much about the differences in each relationship. They were all the same person but they weren’t carbon copies of each other. It would be stupid to try to condense them all down to that. And where other brothers filled holes he desperately needed fixed, Bash sort of… balanced him. He shared similarities with many of them. There was something about his one older brother that was special. YS just wasn’t sure how to convey that. Or really… fairly approach Bash like he deserved for that matter. But for now in between dreams the connection helped dampen his worries. He hoped he could believe he mattered the way he was told he does soon with him.

Peacock was on YS’s right. He was dozing too, but even in that state YS could feel an insistence to stay as close as possible. Two angels taking comfort in each other. It was funny, being a Guardian Angel and having another angel seemingly be guarding him. Beefer was somewhere nearby too. In his dinosaur form, for some reason, but maybe it was because he had no idea what this place was. Walking around. Guarding. Not just him, but everyone here. Even Boyf, despite them never getting along. Truce in the dream space. BJ kept an eye on the dinosaur lumbering around in circles. He seemed very curious about the other versions that obviously weren’t human. That, and well, it didn’t seem like any of them had seen a living dinosaur before who’s also an alien at the same time. Despite the curiosity BJ kept close to YS as much as he could, when everyone else was already crowding him.

Bee and Brooke were here as well. Lying content in the alien-like grass of the dream plains they were all sitting in together. Brooke didn’t seem very content though. Worried, hesitant. YS hadn’t gotten to talk to him a lot, and the first encounter had gone just about as wrong as it possibly could. YS didn’t think Brooke liked him at all. He’d probably prefer to be somewhere else, and that was fair. He was going through a lot as far as the angel could tell. But despite the dislike he was sticking around. Not for his peace of mind, obviously. Probably just because Bash, Bee, and Beef were clearly happy to stay here. It was enough to let Brooke take a hesitant chance.

Mic and Bunny were very new to YS, but they had made it here too. Playing chase for the sake of playing. Joy in a space they didn’t know, but it was okay, nothing could really hurt them here except their own fears. But it was clear no one truly feared where they were. It was funny, Mic was very much a little brother to YS despite him being five years older than him. Somehow.

Yeah, no. Bash was the only one who was getting away with any semblance of taking care of YS in an older-brother kind of way. And even then YS felt some sort of guilt he was letting anyone be responsible for him.

It was weird. All of them kind of took care of him in their own ways. Just something unique and different about each one. Balance with Bash. Loyalty with Beef. Understanding with Biff. Warmth with Peacock. The list could go on, really. Though in the end they all seemingly wanted him here. Here, amongst people. Wasn’t that weird? Why did they want him here, anyway? YS still couldn’t find an understanding of that. ‘Because they wanted to’? Why? Why choose that with no real benefit?

People were so confusing.

Most of them managed to end up here tonight. That’s never really happened before. YS wondered what was different about this night. Wondered if the ones missing were awake, or just in their own dreams instead of the space in between. Blake, Blue, Baker. Good lord, if Baker was awake he swore to god he better not be creating a kitchen disaster right now. YS wondered how long it would take to get properly through to Bastion as well. Everyone, always on his mind. So many to keep track of, sometimes it made his head spin. But he’d still find room to fit in more. He had a feeling he was going to meet more brothers in the near future anyway.

People, here. With him. For him, some of them might try to say. That couldn’t be true. People shouldn’t be here for him, not when everyone else was around. Felt weird to think he was some sort of priority. But he supposed he was a massive hypocrite too. Prioritizing everyone else as much as he could, trying his hardest to treat everyone equally, make them feel special because they were. But then flinched away if anyone tried to mirror his actions.

How dumb. YS wanted someone to do for him everything he did for others, but couldn’t even be thankful to accept that if someone tried. Nothing was ever good enough, huh? Ridiculous…

Beefer turned suddenly, red eyes boring directly into the angel. Knowing. Right… emotional walls didn’t work on that one. He could tell right away. He’d made a promise to try and think like that less. He was trying. It was just harder on some days than others.

People… here. Could he indulge in saying for him? Did he deserve that, though? Unsure on that part. Whether he said it or not wouldn’t change if it was true or not. A concept there, to sit in the back of his mind, surrounded by all these people. Did he have to keep himself so lonely? YS was so afraid to somehow hurt anyone here, everyone. But would keeping himself lonely make them happy? That might just hurt them too.

He knew one of them was terrified of him leaving. Just from one old conversation. That never really left his head. But there was still a little guilt there, making him even worry so clearly about that. YS was doing his best to keep to his word- that he wouldn’t leave. Even though things kept sliding downhill so fast some days.

Maybe none of them wanted him to leave. It’s not like he wanted to leave either. Sometimes his mind was cruel, though. It was hard to tell properly if anyone cared enough for him to stay some days. Like all the progress went back to zero. Wasn’t that so exhausting? To deal with someone who needed reassurance so often?

YS wouldn’t leave. For as long as they wanted him at all, he would stay.

He had a lot of problems. Maybe he himself was a problem and it might be time to admit that. Needing so much direct reassurance almost every day. That was a problem. And he should try harder to stop doing that because he clearly wasn’t trying hard enough. He would change completely for them, because he loved them.

Maybe that was another problem.

He was just a problem, wasn’t he?

But all of these brothers were here. Loving him. Him and his problems. And YS swore to spend the rest of his time here making up for it all. However short or long that time was allowed to be.

He loved his brothers. Maybe he shouldn’t love them this much when not much time has really passed. But he did anyway. YS loved his brothers. Maybe in another reality entirely, they were all friends. A reality YS could never find, but existed anyway. He hoped so.

Friends… he hoped so.

#RGBFverse #Uhhhh working to make up for a lot of things I've been doing lately #I can't offer much lmaooooo writing it is. I guess #I think there was more I wanted to write diving more in depth about the individuals but #It got lost in my head spinning over keeping track of so many characters my bad

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skarkkk · 2 days ago

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First, Queer Week.

It's interesting that they brought this representation to the show, both in terms of probably pink money or maybe even for the story.

Which brings me to, Second, The drag queen and Tristan.

I loved their conversation and the fact that Tristan really doesn't know. He's not black or a drag queen, he doesn't know what she went through and I loved the fact that she tried to make him understand that with their conversation, even though it was really a venting about what had happened to her and how it affected her because it was her image, her femininity, not just a wig. I confess, I wanted more of their conversation, but it makes sense that it happened the way it did. And I loved the scene of her coming back at the end being her without a wig and just her. (I'm referring to him with female pronouns, I don't know if I should but it's how I think the character would like to be called, I don't remember the episode or if she referred to herself with him in character, so if I'm wrong and it sounds disrespectful, it wasn't my intention.)

Third, Tristan and his whole vibe. He's not straight.

In the entire episode there was more than one scene of him preening himself under the gaze of the queer men on the cruise, like how he told Avery that "I was going to say amazing" and how the conversation with Avery came after Max admitted he wanted to marry a woman. Speaking of him, I really feel like he has a repressed bisexuality (or pan, or maybe even demi aro, I think it's unlikely, but point made), the way he acted only reinforced that point, as far as being looked at, receiving attention and being liked by both genders as maybe being looked at. Besides him calling himself a Twunk (slang for a young, thin but muscular gay or queer man - according to Google)

Fourth, the Trisal.

Avery tries to get the three of them back together even if it's just for sex and can't. She wants to. Max came up with this thing about being a traditionalist. He runs away to the middle of the sea, gets involved with the employee and then again with two employees (the sex scene was left for the picture, but even if Max and Tristan didn't touch each other it's still considered involvement) and says the thing "I want to marry the woman/person I love, have children" but being so open to another Trisal. A traditionalist wouldn't have gotten involved in a threesome, or would support another, or would be so open to living with queers for a week (or in other situations. I may be following stereotypes regarding traditionalist people, but at least that's the context I see with him saying that in that scene in that way).

Fifth, Avery's conversation with Tristan.

(Being a brazilian with half-assed English, I confess that I didn't understand much of what he was saying in relation to UK potatoes, so I'll go by the context). The issue of sharing Avery's love for her and his saying "it makes me sick" (I loved the acting and the intonation) is already a whole step towards the fact that this could again become a triangle, or simply generate a lot of anguish. In Tristan's view, it would be him and her and Max and Avery, and not all three together (assumptions) and that would be sharing the person he loves.

Sixth, their chemistry as a poly relationship is incredible and it would be such a missed opportunity to turn it into a triangle and end with a couple (2), in addition to missing the opportunity for unusual representation in series like these. It would drive away the homophobes, but as seen with 911 they don't give a damn, so why miss the chance to bring them all together? to put a kiss between Max and Tristan on screen?

Seventh, Captain and his brother + threesome. Even though he's old, "traditionalist?", he's still open-minded and learns community slang and tries to get involved in his brother's relationship. I thought their threesome was cute, and how even though the couple had met before, they seemed connected and how in the end it didn't end with them breaking up because of any movement or with a bad relationship between brothers regarding alcoholism and the sugar thing that caused it.

Eighth, about the next episode (which I haven't seen yet, so I'm anxious to know if I'm right in my thinking).

Avery getting pregnant and how it almost doesn't make sense considering she had sex with a doctor and a nurse who know very well how babies are made (where did you put the condom?). I don't think that if this pregnancy was real and not just a test error or something, she'll keep the baby. She dreams of being a doctor, studying medicine and working in the field and having a baby would only delay that as well as her future, why a child and college? Sure, she has the chance to deliver the baby and put it up for adoption. I think her decision will be the same regardless of who the father is (Max is the obvious choice, so maybe they'll cast Tristan, but probably Max). Of course this will affect the father differently, Max worse because he dreams of having children probably more than Tristan (having had a wife, which was highlighted in the last episode) and because there's a power difference in his relationship with his employee.

Ninth, accident. From what the preview showed, a patient and Max and Avery looking worried, I'm hoping something went wrong with Tristan, because I honestly want more focus on him and him as part of the threesome and the team. The show focuses a lot on Max and Avery, and I love them, but mommy issues would be perfect and fit so well with ABC (Hello, is this Evan Buckley? Maddie Buckley-Han? Eddie Diaz? Athena Grant? Henrietta Wilson?). In this case, it would open up so many opportunities for a conversation between Max and Tristan (not leaving Avery out, but creating development outside of her, you know) about how he was afraid of losing Tristan not only because he was a friend/employee, but as something more romantic. It would probably also affect Avery's decisions regarding the baby if the accident happened after she found out and if it really is Tristan, because the chances of it not being Tristan are 99.99%.

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storiesbyjes2g · 3 days ago

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aDOLTing Generation 3 Recap

Hello, gentle readers!

An extra special reader of mine has been absent for a while and is back. Welcome!! I've missed you! I know how much you love this story, but I also know how daunting it will be to go back and read everything. I can't have you lost, so I hope this recap helps! I have no idea where you left off, so I'll do a quick run down of the whole gen for the benefit of all my new recent followers. Welcome, y'all!!

Let's go!

This is Luca! His traits are self-assured, outgoing, and active, and his aspiration is self-care specialist. He's a yoga instructor.

He has a younger sister named Alessia. She is very much the annoying little sister, but he loves her very much.

The only one of her traits I remember is paranoid, and I don't really know what her aspiration is. This story is based on the ISBI challenge, and I'm only allowed to control one sim per generation. The story is told from that sim's perspective. I'm sure you can imagine the shenanigans that can happen with autonomous sims!

These are their parents Alessandro (Ali) and Emerald (Emmy). They divorced right before Luca's child birthday.

The divorce rattles Luca a great deal because he idolized his parents and struggled with learning they weren't the man and woman he thought they were, and if they can find themselves in compromising positions, what hope is there for him? (His mom cheated for literally no reason because she's selfish and immature.) It made him reluctant to date and trust his feelings. The problem with that was he had very attractive female friends, and most of them wanted him.

This is Sophia. They met in Mt. Komorebi on his YA birthday trip and kept in touch via Social Bunny. He's in love with her but is afraid to admit it for fear of making a mistake and ending up like his parents. But deep down he knows she's the one, and if they ever hang out IRL he'd never leave her side, so he keeps their friendship confined to Social Bunny until he figures himself out.

This is Maira. They went to school together and ran into each other at a bar one night. She holds a special place in Luca's heart and is one of his best friends. They each considered becoming more for like two seconds, but it never felt right to escalate matters, and they are fine with a platonic friendship. She, like him, had her own demons and was anti-relationships for a very long time.

This is Yasmine. They smashed. She was the most persistent of all the friends and helped him understand woohoo could be casual without strings. Even though he was very gun-shy about women and relationships, the dude was horny all the time and she was very happy to help him with that lol.

This is Xochitl (Chi Chi). They're neighbors, and he thought she was the most gorgeous woman. She has a daughter, and they both talk a LOT. She tried to get him to go out several times, but he always felt guilty because Sophia was always in the back of his mind while meeting all these women. Chi Chi is social and always looking for a good time and quickly figured out he was never going to ask her out. She really just wanted to be friends anyway, so it was all good. They are still great friends today.

As you'd expect, Luca gets to a place where he can separate his parents' drama from his own life and can no longer deny, no matter how many women he meets, and no matter who he smashes, his mind had only ever been on Sophia, and she had his heart from the beginning. He finally asks her out on a proper date, and the night ends nowhere near how he expected.

She asked him to move in! That scared the cowplant essence out of him and caused all that fear and confusion he finally put away to come rushing back. But Sophia is gentle and has a knack for asking poignant questions in a soft manner. She asked if he trusted her and their relationship. He could either answer honestly, man up, and get over it, or lie and go back to being a scared little boy. Thankfully, he answered honestly and started working toward putting those fears to bed for good.

Sophia has known him his entire young adult life and knew all about that stuff and was patient with him as their relationship blossomed. She met the parents and even ghost grandma. Everyone loved Sophia. Luca eventually got to a place where he could tell her he loved her without throwing up, heh. That was one magical night.

Everything happened so fast, and he was too busy finally enjoying life and kinda forgot to tell everyone else his relationship status had changed.

Luca and Sophia went out one night, and Yasmine was there. Luckily there no drama ensued, but he had some explaining to do. Luca told Sophia about all his friends and their statuses and got everything on the table. Sophia has history of her own and was a bit triggered by the situation. She knew Luca hadn't cheated on her because they weren't together, but she didn't know he was talking to other women. She accepts that his friends are women but doesn't really like it. It will take her a while to get over it.

With all of that out of the way, the only thing left to do is...

But before that, he meets a young man from Brindleton Bay named Wade (Dub) Banks. He's from The Banks Dynasty by @mysimsloveaffair. You should check it out if you're not already reading.

He's in town with his lady friend visiting her father. He saw Luca and asked for suggestions on what to do in San Sequoia. They are kindred spirits and become instant friends. He is currently Luca's bestest friend in the world.

Anyway, Luca and Sophia get married, honeymoon in Tartosa, and eventually buy a house in San Sequoia. Instead of living the blissful wedded life, they begin a painful journey.

Their plan was to start a family immediately, but Sophia had a hard time getting pregnant. They tried fertility treatments, but they don't work. She's staring her adult birthday in the face and is afraid she'll never birth her own children. To make matters worse, so many around them are getting pregnant unexpectedly. Dub and his now girlfriend had a reckless night in the hot tub and had a baby girl. Yasmine turns up pregnant with twin girls. Even his sister, Alessia, who he thought would never settle down now has a live-in boyfriend and got pregnant. The cherry on top was learning Luca also had low fertility and they were definitely not having children the traditional way. That was a very dark period that threatened to break them down, but they stayed strong. Eventually they decide to do IVF and announced the pregnancy at Sophia's birthday party. A daughter, Desiree, was born on the eve of Luca's birthday.

Alessia gave birth to triplets (2 boys and a girl) about 12 hours before. Having Desiree brought joy into Luca and Sophia's life, but the painful journey did not end there. His father died shortly after her birth, and his mother died a few days later. As a card-carrying mama's boy, that one hit HARD. He was prepared for Ali dying, but Emmy's death came unexpectedly.

Luca and Alessia struggled through raising their children while grieving their parents. He was especially worried about his sister because she never once desired to have children or lead a domestic life, and now she's raising THREE children on her own. Her boyfriend left during the baby shower and went back to his ex because he was spooked about having triplets. So with Emmy dead, and the boyfriend gone, she's all alone in that big house. Luca gets an idea from Dub and decides to look for a duplex so he and Alessia can stay close and raise their children together and support each other.

Meanwhile, little by little, they pick up the pieces of their lives and adjust to the new normal. Dub and Maia elope and invite Luca and fam to the wedding in El Ciudad Enamorada. They volunteer to babysit while Luca and Sophia go on a much needed date. Their lives had been so heavy and hectic ever since getting married, they hadn't been on a proper date since they found out Sophia was expecting. Having a night to themselves and spending time together as a family for the next day and a half put things in perspective. Luca was in the throws of a midlife crisis and was losing confidence about his purpose in the world. He has loved yoga ever since his mother introduced it to him as a teen, but teaching yoga and opening his own studio was her idea, not his. Without goals of his own, he happily pursued that dream and even tried to adopt it as his own, but it never felt completely right. Dub gave them a money tree for a wedding gift, and it was so timely because Luca was able to be with Sophia the entire time they struggled through infertility. Lately he'd been thinking about getting back to work but wasn't sure if teaching yoga was the right thing. That messed him up for a few days, but he eventually decided his career doesn't define him. He's still a good husband and father even if he doesn't have a job and contribute in society. He will focus on raising Desiree well and shaping her to be the best she can be. That will be his contribution.

Luca finally decides to rent out his father's house to a family with infant twins. He also finds the perfect duplex for him and Less. He lives on one side and she rents out the other. The kids age up, and that is where we are now!

There's lots of subplots I skipped over like the drama with Emmy and her boyfriend Dwayne and shocking developments about Yasmine's children, but this is the basic gist of generation 3. If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask!

#mid gen 3 recap #adolting

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