#they don't dissociate so hard that they lose grip on reality

[alittlebitofrainbyyourside]

I had 1 (one) good day of like 'oh yeah, I'm a human and I know how to talk to people' and immediately after it was followed by my brain doing it's Shit.

[kakusboyfriend]

If your in the mood to write any Psimon headcanons do you mind doing a cuddle/comfort request? I feel like if anyone needs a hug is him.

Love of my life I am so here for writing fluff with him. He's so cute I want to eat him

Oh by the way I'm wicked evil, so I wrote down some reasons Why he would need comfort. I love my guys but I also love to torment them - sooooo it ended up being a bit more about That because I have a lot of thoughts about it. Sorry! Hope it's still fun to read regardless

• it's hard for me to find a villain that wouldn't be extremely stubborn to ask for help, whether it's because everyone already thinks they're weak or because they can't let the tough guy facade break for the sake of their reputation. Psimon is the former, definitely - everyone Knows he's as frail as a soggy sheet of paper, so he's not one to do anything to make himself seem even weaker.

• he's reluctant to ask for help, even if you're intimate. Unless he has a special relationship with someone, he doesn't let himself seem vulnerable around anyone. To be fair, it's not like he's surrounded by people that would jump to his aid should he need it, so it's not like he's missing out on much.

• he used to be better at holding himself together and taking care of himself. However, after the Miss Martian situation, he gets dizzy spells and migraines far more often, and straight up cannot work on bad days. Those are the days he needs comfort the most, no matter how stubborn he is to accept it at first.

• a funny idea to work with when it comes to psychics being sick is losing control of their powers and unintentionally making people feel sick with them. If the whole team is feeling nauseous out of nowhere, you really should check on Psimon before assuming it's a bug - he tends to do that when he's not well, and it's for the better that he leaves early. For everyone's sake.

• it depends on what's actually wrong with him, but usually he'll voice his concerns telepathically instead of speaking. I'm projecting, but forming words can be Taxing, and communicating in that manner is more private, anyways. Unless a bad headache is what's bothering him, then he'll do it verbally.

• if things are Bad bad, he's pratically nonverbal for most of the day, vocally and mentally. It just feels like a huge chore, and he gets by alright without speaking. He's very sensitive to light so he won't be typing either. You'll find a way to communicate eventually.

• to go with my last post, Psimon is very touchy feely when he's unwell. In public, he'll seek your touch almost constantly - not only is it comforting, but it helps him feel grounded instead of dissociating into the nether about it. In private or at home, he gets almost whiny for your touch - something he doesn't give himself the luxury to when with others. It's pathetic and sad, and you really do feel like giving him the world when he's that bad.

• however, if you give in, he'll wrap himself around you and not let go for hours. You're trapped like this, his face buried in your chest so he still has some grip on reality, hugging you as tight as he can. Well, Psimon isn't the strongest guy out there, so you Could leave if you really wanted to - but it's like a cat, really. You wouldn't dare wake him up, would you?

• like I said, he's got mad photosensitivity when he's unwell, so all he wants is to lay around in the dark with you instead of having the TV on. Instead, he'd much rather hear you talk about your day, or your interests, or just anything you want to - he loves the sound of your voice and how it rumbles in your chest when he's pressed against you.

• ok sickness aside, I do think Psimon would love to give and receive tight hugs that go on for a bit too long. He just melts into you, and if you pay attention you'll hear a little discontent noise when you eventually break contact. If it were up to him, you'd stay like that all day.

• dear god he needs reassurance nowadays. Like, once again you don't get a lot of that in villain teams. It may not be as punishing of a workplace as others, but it's certainly not a warm one either. His sequelae are a cause of deep seated insecurity for him, because of how easy it is to write them off as a flaw of character or lack of effort to recover. Not only that, but it's a constant reminder that he's not as powerful as he thought he was.

• we all know it doesn't matter to either of us, but to someone who used to take pride in his abilities, it's hard to admit things have changed. If he seems distant or cold, it's usually a sign you should reach out and try talking to him a bit about the issue. He may avoid your questions at first, but, bit by bit, he'll trust you enough to vent about the matter.

• it really is a patience game, and he's not easy to approach, but it's worth it. He's a gentle and sensitive guy when you're not his opponent, he just doesn't have the opportunity to demonstrate it until you're a bit closer.

[sensostimmer]

DIY: Making your own Trauma Fighting Kit.

Above here are pictures of my own personal Trauma Fighting Kit. It is a box filled with what we call Skills (in DBT terms.). The box is a lunchbox size, so it should be that you can take it with you everywhere.

The skills in this box that are shown in the pictures above will be listed below with information on what they help with and where to get them.

The List

A small blanket plush. This is for self soothing. it is easy to hide in your pocket if you don't want to carry your whole traumakit around. You can replace this by a small handheld plush of any sort. These sorts of items are usually aimed at babies, so look for the baby aisle.

Hand Grip Strengtheners. I recommens getting two of these, each for each hand. they are to use when you start losing touch with your surroundings and help you feel & stay grounded. You can get these at sport stores/aisles.

A bag of Shamanic Fire Chili Hot Lemon Hard Candies. These are actually hot and they help with when you're dissociating or are having flashbacks. they help you stay grounded. You can get the specific ones Here.

Midalgan Xtra Warm Muscle Cream. This is cream that you actually use to relieve muscle pain, but it also works for when you need to feel something again. it also works against self harming urges. it creates warm burning sensation. A substitute for this would be Tigerbalm, or literally any other self-warming cream.

Ammonia Lavender Ampoules. Now these are amazing in how good they are in getting you out of dissociation, understimulation and/or flashbacks. You only have to crack them open, be careful putting them under your nose, and inhale. You will likely get a shock effect which immediatly shoots you out of your flashbacks back into reality. these STINK. HEAVILY. THEY ARE STRONG. I'm always glad when I don't have to use these though, the shock can be overwhelming sometimes. They ARE reusable, so put them in a bottle (mine is in a unused urine bottle so it closes off really well) A substitute for this would be smelling salts, I believe. You can get these here.

Anti-Motion Sickness Bracelets. I use the white rounded points as acupressure points, to keep me grounded. so when I feel dissociation coming up, I put these on and I press a little on the dots and I feel more like I'm *there*. You can get these here.

Acupressure Spiked Balls. You squeeze em. they keep you grounded. these have magnets in them. You can get these here.

Togu Weighted Spiked Cactus. This does the same thing as the spiky balls, but for me, the cactus works better. I love this thing. You can get them here.

Acupressure Headband. I got this headband as a part of my Acupressure mat, so I actually don't know where to get this without paying for the mat. I do recommend getting an acupressure mat, though. These points are really sharp (but dont break skin) and standing on them barefoot can help you get out of some nasty flashbacks or dissociation.

a bigger plush for you to carry around outside of your kit! hey! have a nice trauma buddy for yourself in your backpack to take with you, you deserve it.

If you need any help making your own Trauma Fighting Kit, don't be shy and ask questions! also, if you have tips yourself, please come share them!! :O

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Can someone do a story where the Soldier is the main personality in bucky/winter headspace and that he sides with tony in the whole winter soldier civil war arc? It can have anything else but i would perfer no steve/tony. Thankyou.

Combined with:

May I have post-CW angst please? Heart-wrenching, sad sad angst. Happy ending, ofc. Please, no Steve bashing - both Tony and Bucky love their friend.

No Steve bashing was SUPER easy, since I love Steve and would never bash him, even when he’s made some pretty dumbass decisions. :D I’m not sure I was able to give AwesomeBees exactly what she wanted (I couldn’t bring myself to have the Winter Soldier as the main personality, and I know my feelings on the Accords are pretty clear), but I tried!

On AO3

Everything Good

“Hey,Boss,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, “Captain Rogers is on the phone. He wantsto speak to you.”

Itwas late afternoon at the Facility, and Tony had his hands full—literally—with Rhodey,helping him during one of his physio sessions. Honestly, Rhodey was lucky he wasgripping the parallel bars, because Tony was so shocked he nearly dropped him.

“Uh,yeah. Put him through, Fri. Wait.” Tony glanced at the therapist, thengrimaced apologetically at Rhodey. “You two good without me, kids?”

“Yousure you’re up for this, Tones?” Rhodey asked instead of answering. Tonywas sure he’d have put his hand on Tony’s shoulder if he didn’t need both ofthem to hold onto the bars for dear life. He’d come a long way in the lastcouple months or so, but a spinal injury wasn’t something you could just walkoff. Even with a mobile brace.

Unlessyou were Steve Rogers, probably. Not that Tony had come close to paralyzinghim. That had been more what Tony had done to Bucky, though for a moment thereTony had honestly thought Steve was going to decapitate him and he reallyneeded to stop thinking about that.

“Iwas born up for this, Rhodeybear,” Tony said. He was absolutely certainhis grin looked 100% fake, but he held it like parallel bars while Rhodeystared at him. Tony let that painfully accessing gaze settle until Rhodey justlet out a breath and gave Tony a sad, knowing smile.

“Just,be careful,” Rhodey said. “I know how hard this whole thing’s been onyou. I don't—”

“Ipromise I’ll be home by midnight with a full tank of gas, Dad,” Tony saidbreezily, cutting Rhodey off. He turned his back and strode to the locker rooms,waving over his shoulder and taking merciless advantage of how his best friendcouldn’t follow him. It was a dick move for sure; just one more thing to feel guiltyabout. God knew Tony was used to that.

(More after the break!)

“Okay,F.R.I.D.A.Y., put him through.” Tony was sitting on the bench in theshower cubicle he’d designed specifically for Rhodey. Half the showers hadalready been disabled-accessible (never knew when one of the regular-humantypes would be badly injured), but Tony had made sure the one for Rhodey wasspacious, non-slip and top of the line for ease of use. He also knew he hadabout half an hour at least before Rhodey would finish his physio and wheel orstagger his way in here to use it.

Andhey, Tony could always take a shower after the call, if he needed to scrubhimself clean. Win/win.

“Tony?”

Thatwas…Yeah, okay, that was definitely Steve’s voice. But also not Steve’s voice.In that Tony had never heard Steve sound like that. Not even in Tony’sScarlett-Witchy hallucination where the guy was dying. Steve had just soundedaccusing, then. Angry. Of course, that hadn’t been reality, just Tony’s ownfucked-up brain playing pretend. Not that things had ended up particularlydifferently in reality, really. Other than nobody dying.

Notfor lack of tying, Tony’s brain couldn’t help pointing out. He knewhe needed to stop doing that.

But,Steve. Specifically his voice. Tony had never heard Steve sound that badbefore. Steve sounded terrible. Not just tired, though if hewas still in Wakanda it was going on 1:00 AM. No, Steve sounded like he was atthe end of his rope, but there wasn’t enough slack to tie a knot. And therewere hungry wolves circling in the ravine.

LikeTony had felt in the missile silo, watching Steve pick up his friend and walkaway.

“Yeah,it’s me,” Tony said, heart pounding. Normally he might’ve added somethinglike, ‘What’s up, Capsicle?’, go for bravado when inwardly he was quailing. ButSteve sounded like death and he’d never appreciated Tony’s pretense anyway. SoTony went for honesty instead. “You sound terrible. What’s wrong?”

“Ithink….” Steve took a breath that sounded like he he’d been crying.“I think Bucky’s dead.”

Tonynearly dropped his phone. As it was, if it’d been anything other than aStarkphone his white-knuckled grip might’ve cracked the screen. “Oh myGod,” he said, hushed with sudden, aching fear. “What do you mean,you think he’s dead? What happened?” A million scenarios were alreadyswarming like hornets through Tony’s mind: Bucky vanished in the Wakandanwilderness; Bucky abducted by Ross, or Hydra, or taken by one of the manycountries where Hydra had unleashed him; Bucky trapped in his broken Wakandan cryochamber, entombed like a bug in amber; Bucky in a coma, succumbing to poison orillness or (Dear God, please no) the unforeseen effects ofthe damage Tony inflicted on him.

“Was…wasit me? What I did?” Tony asked, small-voiced with terror. It was horriblyselfish, disgustingly self-centered of him to even ask. But Tony couldn’t not.If Bucky died, part of Steve would die with him. Tony didn’t think he couldhandle finding Bucky only to lose him again. But if Bucky died and it was Tony’s fault….

Therewould be no hope for reconciliation, no hope for the Avengers ever again. Tonywould have gained a nemesis worse than anything he could every imagine. Otherthan himself.

“Wedon’t know,” Steve said, and maybe it was the lack of certainty, but ithit like a fist to Tony’s solar plexus. A metal fist to his reactor and God he needed to fucking stop.“Shuri said…” Stevepaused, obviously steeling himself. “She said it was possible. That…that theshock of his arm being destroyed like that might’ve caused some neurologicaldamage. And then there was the kick to the head.”

Tonyclosed his eyes, clutching the phone to his ear so he wouldn’t slam it into theshower wall. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice thick and rough and gratingin his ears. “Steve. I—”

“Isaid we don’t know, Tony,” Steve cut him off, as ifthat was supposed to make him feel better. “Shuri said it was possible.But, Winter said it didn’t make a difference.”

Tonyhad spoken to Shuri, before. She’d assumed Steve and Bucky would want to comeback to the U.S. at some point, so as a courtesy she’d sent Tony the specs forBucky’s new arm. It was a sleek, beautiful thing he was privileged to be ableto understand. Shuri was still a child, but her intellect already shone like asun.

Hedidn’t know Winter, but it was a terrible relief to have someone say whateverhappened wasn’t Tony’s fault. Except it was hard to imagine Shuri being wrongabout anything. “Is Winter a neurologist?”

Hecould practically hear Steve’s confusion. “No,” he said.“Winter’s Bucky.”

Tonywaited a beat, then another. It still didn’t make any sense. “I don’tunderstand,” he said, though something in Steve’s voice had a cold, quietdread creeping up Tony’s spine.

“Winter’sBucky,” Steve said, as if it would be more comprehensible with repetition.His sigh sounded as heavy as the ice that buried him. “The doctorswho…accessed him said it’s called Dissociative Identity Disorder.” He madea sound that had almost nothing to do with laughing. “I didn’t even know thatwas a thing that could happen to people. But, yeah. Bucky isn't…Bucky anymore.He calls himself ‘Winter’. He’s not the Winter Soldier,” Steve addedquickly, “He hasn’t done anything like what happened in Berlin. He hasn’thurt anyone at all. He’s just….” Steve pulled in another breath thatshuddered. “He’s not Bucky.”

Tonyhadn’t even been thinking about the terrifying, snarling juggernaut who’d beatthe shit out of him in Berlin, but that didn’t stop ice flooding his guts whenSteve reminded him. Tony knew Shuri had removed the trigger words from Bucky’shead. But, yeah. Nice to hear Steve’s bestie hadn’t shoved him through anotherwall.

“Why?”Tony asked, still trying to wrap his head around Dissociative IdentityDisorder and Steve calling him for anything. “Whathappened?”

“Idon’t know.” Steve swallowed. “Winter said he needed to protectBucky. After…after what happened. So he wasn't…he wasn’t gonna let him outanymore. And. And I tried to talk to Bucky, but Winter wouldn’t let me. And…andwhat if he’s dead? What if he’s not, not even there anymorebecause it’s just Winter now? What if Bucky’s gone, and, andI—”

Stevestarted sobbing. Great, wracking gulps of air, each one followed by ashuddering gasp like cracking bone. “What if he’s dead,Tony? Oh, God. Oh, my God. What do I do? What am I going to do?”

“Whoa,whoa. Shh. It’s okay. Nobody’s dead, Steve,” Tony tried. Then,“Bucky’s not dead!” Forcefully, when Steve just made a broken noiseof negation. “That’s not how it works! It doesn’t work like that. Honest.I’m no expert, but, it doesn’t work like that. None of the identities die,okay? They’re just…in the background. Or something. I’m not sure about thatpart. But I promise you, Bucky is not dead.”

“Really?”Steve sniffled. He sounded so desperate for hope that Tony, who had troublewith other peoples’ emotions at the best of times, nearly broke down himself.“You’re sure? He wouldn’t talk to me.”

“Yeah,well, you said Winter was protecting him, right? So, he’s probably in his happyplace. I wouldn’t want to come out either.” Tony winced, wondering ifSteve would think that sounded as much like bullshit as Tony did. He stood andleft the shower stall, then strode into the hallway with his phone mashed tohis ear. He knew appallingly little about psychology, considering how manydisorders he’d been diagnosed with over the years. It was about an eight hourflight to Wakanda in a Quinjet; plenty of time to read up on the subject.

Notthat he had any idea what he’d do about it, once he gotthere. But, Steve had called him for a reason. And even if that was tomore-or-less accuse Tony of making Bucky mentally ill, Tony couldn’t listen toSteve crying his guts out and just do nothing. “I’m heading to the landingpad right now. I can be at the palace in eight hours. Do you want me to bringanything? Anyone?” he asked, thinking as he moved. “Wanda’s offsomewhere with Vision, but she’s got that hand-wavy telepathy stuff. Icould—”

“Winterwanted to talk to you,” Steve said. “He didn’t say why, exactly. But itsounded like he wants assurance you’re not going to try to kill him anymore.”

Tonystopped moving so fast he practically gave himself whiplash in the corridor.His first reaction was a blood-hot flare of rage. “You sure as fuck neverpull your punches, do you?”

Therewas a second of stunned silence. “I don’t understand,” Steve said atlast. “I just meant, Winter doesn’t want Bucky to come out. And, he reallywanted to talk to you. So I thought…maybe if you can promise you won't…attackhim again, it’ll help?”

Tonyforced back the anger he knew wasn’t really aimed at Steve. “I don’t getit, though. Why would that help? I mean, I won’t attack him again.” Itfelt important to say it out loud. “But, it’s not like I’m a threat to himwithout my armor. When I tried to fight him in Berlin he kicked my ass.”

“Thatwas the Winter Soldier,” Steve said. “The trigger words compelled himto come out.”

“Oh.”There wasn’t much else he could say to that. It made sense, considering howBucky had seemed more lethal before the silo. Which, honestly, only made Tonyfeel that much worse. He rubbed his forehead. “You really think Winter’staken over for Bucky because of me?”

“Idon’t know,” Steve repeated bleakly. “But…you really hurt him, whenyou blasted his arm. And I think you would’ve killed him if I hadn’t stoppedyou.” He hesitated, maybe waiting for Tony to deny it. Tony couldn’t.“So,” Steve went on a too-long moment later, “maybe that’s whatWinter was thinking about. When he took over. That this way you couldn’t hurt Buckyanymore.”

“Fuck,”Tony muttered. Like he didn’t already feel badly enough about this whole mess. “Look.Steve? I…” He gritted his teeth. No time like the excruciating present,right? “I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I am so, so fucking sorry for whathappened. I know the Accords ended up a fucking trash fire, but I’d really….Fuck,” he said on an exhale. “I was counting on you, okay? I thoughtthat you, of all people, would understand why no one with super powers shouldbe running around without any kind of control. After Ultron I really thoughtyou’d agree with me about that. But not only did you not agree, you wereperfectly happy to fuck me over, as well as everything I’d been trying toaccomplish, to go on a field trip with your fugitive buddy—”

“Buckyshould never have been a fugitive,” Steve snapped. “And you know whywe went to Siberia. I wasn’t happy to ‘fuck you over’, Tony! I never wanted togo against you! I wanted your help! But you’d already signed the Accords. Ourhands were tied just as much as yours.”

“Idid help you!” Tony said. “I lied to Ross and went to find you. Iwanted to help.”

“Iknow,” Steve said. “And when you arrived, I was grateful. I thought…Ithought we could start mending fences. Trust each other again. But we know howit turned out.”

“Youlied to me,” Tony said. “You’re talking about trust, but you lied by omission, and then you lied to myface.”

“Andthen you tried to kill my best friend!” Steve shot back. “The oneperson who hadn’t done anything wrong. Even T'Challa could see that. Whycouldn’t you?”

“Idon’t know!” That was, ironically, a lie. Tony did know. He absolutelyknew why he’d lost all reason and self control and had almost done somethingunforgivable to a man he actually admired. He took a couple breaths through histeeth, forced himself to keep going. “I wanted to hurt you,” he saidat last. There was an awful, sickly relief in finally admitting it. “You’dbetrayed me by not signing the Accords. With your fucking perfect teeth andperfect morality.“—Tony wondered if Steve’s perfect hearing caught thefinger quotes—"You had to be so Goddamn self-righteous you couldn’t even consider my point of view. And I was trying! I was trying sodamn hard to do the right thing. To protect everyone. To make all the damagewe’d done mean something. But you wouldn’t even consider it.”

“Iread the Accords, Tony,” Steve said. “And I found—”

“Youcould have tried!” Tony shouted over him. “Youcould have tried, but you didn’t. And it hurt. I can admit it. It hurt likehell.” It still hurt: This was years’ worth of pain he couldn’t hold backanymore. It felt like when Obie had torn the reactor out. “And then I gotto see the Winter Soldier killing my parents. And you knew. You knew he’d done it, but you chose your friend overme. So you betrayed me again. First by lying by omission, then by lying to myface. “And I just….

“Ilost it, okay?” Tony said. “I just fucking lost it. I wanted to hurthim, for what he did. And I really wanted to hurt you. Iwanted you to feel the way I felt.”

Hecould hear Steve swallow in the silence on the other end of the line.“Bucky didn’t deserve that,” Steve said quietly. “Maybe…maybe Idid. But Bucky didn’t.”

“Iknow,” Tony said. “And I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry. I had a reallybad couple days and a fucking truckload of daddy issues, and I took it out onhim. And I will never forgive myself for that.” He gave a sharp, unhappysmirk, “That was actually what I’d intended to lead with, when I startedtalking a minute ago. Kind of lost the train there.”

“You’reright,” Steve said, and Tony gasped. “I should’ve tried harder to seeyour side with the Accords, not just what I didn’t like about it. I could havetried to get them amended, come up with something we all could agree on. I’mused to acting with minimal oversight, but I also used to work on behalf ofS.H.I.E.L.D., and before that it was the S.S.R. I do understand the necessityof checks and balances. But I was scared of our hands being tied when peopleneeded us the most.

“AndI never should’ve lied to you, Tony,” Steve said. “I was a coward. Itold myself I was doing it for you, but I was doing it for myself. For Bucky. Icouldn’t bear the idea of you hating him. But I can’t help thinking that if I’djust, grown a fucking spine, the video wouldn’t have been…so hard to take. Forany of us. I was a lousy friend, and I’m sorry.”

“Oh,”Tony said again, just as lost for words as before. “Thank you.” He didn’tknow if he could forgive Steve for what he’d done. Tony had been flayed alive.The fact that what Tony had done in retaliation was worsedidn't—couldn't—change that. “I, um, would’ve helped Bucky anyway.”

Heowed Bucky so much more than that. It was the least he could do to begin tomake things right.

“Iknow,” Steve said, and Tony’s shriveled, shrunken heart unfurled a bit,like an underfed flower reaching for the light. “I know you would. Thankyou. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.”

“Thendon’t,” Tony said, all breeze and bravado. “Don’t worry about it. Seeyou on the flipside.”

Hehung up, then asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to tell Rhodey where he was going, and to havehis armor meet him at the Quinjet, just in case. Not that Tony was expectingtrouble, but, better safe than sorry. And he hadn’t been feeling all that safethese days. Amazing how that happened, being alone.

Onephone call couldn’t change that, but….

ButTony’s heart had something to reach for. It was a start.

Read the rest on AO3!