#they don’t like rings so in the weird opposite day universe we do promise rings id get theirs on a chain instead

[porekawa]

[cocobeanncteez]

ATEEZ San- Back to you (oneshot)

Genre: angst, fluff, suggestive, university au.

Pairing: badboy!San x reader (fem)

Word Count: 7.3K

Warnings: profanities, alcohol consumption, smoking, mentions of bullying and cheating, drink spiking, and attempted sexual assault.

Except Ateez, all other names are fictional.

"I don't understand how these stupid people party here when we've got exams in two weeks," your bestfriend, Doyeon, muttered under her breath while scribbling down some notes. You both were at a café in your university, studying for the upcoming exams.

You chuckled, glancing up at her from your notebook. "Your boyfriend is one of those stupid people who are partying right now."

She rolled her eyes. "Believe me, I want to smack Yunho with this," she held up her notebook, making you snort. "I'm surprised you don't get frustrated when San is literally doing the same thing."

"Well, it's his life," you said. "I'm not his parent who can nag at him to study."

San and you have been dating for a little over eight months now; other than Doyeon and San's friends, no one else knew about your relationship. Doyeon and Yunho were also dating for a while now. You both didn't really know why the boys didn't want other people to know about your relationship, but you both just went with the flow despite witnessing girls throwing themselves at them everyday. Doyeon was really calm about the whole situation, but you actually weren't even though you never let it show; you were quite worried about San leaving you for other women who were like him. You never understood why he's dating someone like you: the type who rarely parties, rarely drinks, never smokes, decently studies and gets good grades, never gets involved in fights; the opposite of him, basically.

Doyeon was about to say something, but your conversation was interrupted by someone who suddenly sat beside you in your booth, placing a textbook on the table. "Don't mind me, ladies," one of your university's badboys, Kangmin, said. "There was no place to sit, so here I am."

Ji Kangmin was handsome, and a typical badboy from what you've heard. You didn't really know much about him personally, but you knew his friend group and your boyfriend's group were rivals and often got into fights.

"I'm surprised you're here," Doyeon stated, raising an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be at some party?"

"I don't party when exams are near," he said with a small smile. "I know I don't have a good reputation, but unlike other people here who have the same reputation as me, I actually want to score well and decently graduate." You were stunned, not expecting to hear that from someone like him. Well, maybe all badboys aren't the same.

-

"Babe!" San whined sleepily when you pulled his blanket off his body. "God, my head fucking hurts."

"Serves you right for drinking all night," you said, running a hand through his messy black hair.

"But the party was epic," he mumbled, eyes closing at the way you played with his hair.

After a few minutes, San took some painkillers and got up to take a shower. When he finished, he immediately pulled you into a hug. "I missed you," he said, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

You chuckled. "You saw me yesterday morning."

"But that was in class," he murmured, placing soft kisses on your neck, making your heart race. "I didn't get to talk to you."

"Then maybe you should start talking to me in class," you said and immediately regretted it when you felt San tense up.

San moved a step back to look at you. "Babe, you know I can't do that," he stated. "I don't want people to know about us or start—"

"Yeah, I know," you cut him off with a small smile, hiding your disappointment. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine," he said, kissing your forehead. "Let's go have breakfast, yeah?"

"Um, actually, I have to go back to my dorm," you said, making San frown and ask why. "I've got a study session with Doyeon," you lied; you just didn't feel like being here at the moment.

San sighed, cupping your cheeks. "Babe, you study so much. These exams don't matter much."

Your eyebrows furrowed. "San, these are end of the first semester exams. They're extremely important."

San didn't say anything; he only leaned down to capture your lips with his own. "Stay for a little while, please," he murmured against your lips. Before you could protest, he kissed you again, this time more passionately. He gently pushed you onto his bed, hovering above you before reconnecting your lips. Your hands wrapped around his neck, playing with the hair at his nape. One of San's hands slipped under your blouse, moving to cup your breast, giving it a squeeze. You gasped due to his actions and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth, deepening the kiss. Your phone began ringing but both of you ignored it. You were getting wetter by the second and you could feel San's growing bulge pressing against you. When your phone rang for the fourth time, San pulled away with an annoyed sigh. You chuckled, getting up from his bed to get your phone from your bag.

"Hello?" you answered.

"Where are you?! Class is gonna start in ten minutes!" Doyeon exclaimed.

"What? What class? All our classes were canceled for today."

"Mr. Byun said he's gonna take class today. Didn't you check your email?"

"Fuck. I'll be there in five." You hung up and quickly checked your reflection in San's mirror, reapplying your lip balm and tying your hair into a ponytail. San's eyes were on you the entire time.

"Are you ditching your lovely boyfriend for a class?" San asked with a pout. "Especially when you made him get all hard?"

"Yes," you replied with a small giggle. "I'll make it up to you when I'm done, I promise." you placed a quick kiss on his lips before rushing to your dorm to collect your stuff.

-

"Can I sit here?" you heard someone ask, making you look up from your notebook. Ji Kangmin was giving you a small smirk. "Seats are full."

"Go ahead," you said, returning your attention back onto your books. Fortunately, Kangmin studied quietly, not disturbing you even once.

"Why is this so hard?" you muttered under your breath, eyebrows furrowing in irritation due to the differentiation problem you've been breaking your head for.

"Need help?" Kangmin asked.

"Are you good at calculus?"

He snorted, showing you the cover of his textbook. "I'm a math major, darling." Your eyes widened, not expecting that at all. "I thought you knew but you clearly don't," he said with a chuckle. "But I know you're a computer science major." He reached for your notebook, scanning through what you've written. "Ah, so this is where you went wrong," he murmured before explaining everything to you.

After a good three hours of studying, you got up and stretched your arms. Kangmin helped you with a few sums and told you many tricks and tips to save time and make the problems easier to solve. He walked with you to your dorm building since his was right opposite yours. You caught a few people staring at the two of you, but you brushed it off; Kangmin was popular, so obviously they would stare. You had to admit, it felt quite weird to see people staring at you. You were sure they all would react the same way if you were with San.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Kangmin grinned, running his hand through his brown hair. You nodded with a smile before entering your dorm building.

-

You spent the entire week studying with Kangmin and sometimes Doyeon joined the two of you. You were really anxious about the exams, but Kangmin managed to make you calm down a little; you were really grateful for his company.

"So Jihoon asked me out and I said yes!" Hyewon said, making you and Doyeon squeal.

"Girl! I told you this day would come!" Doyeon exclaimed, making Hyewon blush. You and Doyeon teased her for blushing, laughing at how her cheeks got even pinker.

San secretly glanced at you from across the classroom, smiling at the sight of you laughing; he thought you were absolutely beautiful.

"What's he doing here?" Jongho muttered, making San and Mingi follow his line of sight.

"Probably here to find someone to fuck," Mingi said in an unbothered tone.

San focused his attention back on you until that very person tapped your shoulder. "Why the fuck is he talking to my girl?!"

You turned to look at the person who tapped your shoulder. "Oh, hey, Kangmin! What are you doing here?" you asked.

He pulled a notebook from his bag, handing it over to you. "I accidentally took your notebook yesterday, so I came to return it," he said. "Sorry about that."

"Oh no, it's okay, don't worry about it," you smiled. He was about to say something, but your professor arrived, so he had to leave and go to his own class.

After the lecture ended, you had lunch with Doyeon, Hyewon, and Jihoon at your dorm's dining hall. You couldn't help but gush about how great Hyewon and Jihoon's chemistry was; they were the cutest couple you have ever seen.

Your phone rang and you picked it up as it was San. "Hello?"

"Where are you?" San asked, sounding a little annoyed.

"At my dorm's dining hall," you replied. "Why?"

"Come to your room right now," he said and hung up before you could say anything. You quickly had the last few bites of your food before excusing yourself, telling your friends you had some work to do.

You made your way over to your room, spotting San right outside your door, wearing a blue hoodie with the hood up and a black mask. You unlocked your door with your key-card, feeling a little anxious due the serious look in your boyfriend's eyes. He closed the door before moving to sit on your bed.

"Sannie, what's wrong?" you asked, moving to stand in front of him. He stared up at you, staying silent for a while before he took off his mask, tossing it on your desk.

"Why did Ji Kangmin talk to you today?"

"He accidentally took my notebook yesterday so he came to return it," you answered honestly.

San raised an eyebrow. "Yesterday? Why were you with him yesterday?" he asked in a stern tone.

"We were studying. He was helping me with calculus."

San scoffed, getting off your bed. "I'm sure that's not what his true intentions are. Stay away from him." San's words annoyed you.

"And how do you know what his true intentions are?" you asked. "We were literally just studying, that's all."

"I don't fucking like him, Y/N. He isn't a good person and I don't want him anywhere near you. So please just stay away from him."

You sighed, glancing at the tiny cat tattoo on San's finger. "Fine..."

San gently cupped your cheek, making you look at him. He didn't like how disappointed you looked and he couldn't help but think about Kangmin stealing you away from him. "Baby... please trust me, he's just trying to get into your pants." You wanted to tell him that all those girls who flirt with him wanted the same, but you knew he already knew that and he liked the attention he got.

"Okay..." You moved away from him, picking up your textbook from your desk and placing it on your bed. "Do you wanna study with me?" you asked San.

"Nah, I'm not in the mood to study."

"You never are," you snorted, earning a wink from him.

"You study, I'll just take a nap here beside you," he said, placing a kiss on your forehead, lying down on your bed.

"Don't try anything, San," you warned him, lying down beside him. He chuckled, placing an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his body.

San fell asleep while you studied. When you took a small break, you couldn't help but admire your sleeping boyfriend; he looked so angelic... ethereal, even. You placed a light kiss on his cheek before slowly getting off the bed to go to the bathroom.

When you came back, San was awake. "How long did I sleep?" he asked in a raspy voice.

"Almost two hours," you said, returning to your bed.

"Oh... oh crap! I should get ready. I've got a party to go to tonight," he said, stretching his arms. "Do you wanna come?"

You raised an eyebrow. "You already know my answer to that."

He chuckled, kissing your head. "Have fun studying, babe."

---

"Finally!" Doyeon yelled in happiness. "We're finally done after two weeks of torture!"

"Thank god we have an entire week off," you said, gently massaging your aching wrist.

"These exams were way harder than I expected," Hyewon said and you agreed. "You both are coming for Kang Hyunsuk's party tonight, right?"

"Of course! It's in a huge mansion, you know? Besides, I need to get drunk and laid in luxury," Doyeon said, making you and Hyewon laugh.

You quickly got ready at Doyeon's dorm in the evening before taking a cab to Kang Hyunsuk's mansion that was fortunately not too far away.

The mansion was decorated with LED lights inside and out. The large hall was converted into a dance floor and he even hired a DJ. You were sure more than half of the students at your college was here, and there were certainly a lot of people from the neighboring colleges as well.

Doyeon grabbed your hand, pulling you to the large kitchen where the drinks and snacks were. You both took two shots of vodka each before you greeted some of your classmates. Doyeon was already really tipsy due to her poor alcohol tolerance. On the other hand, you took another shot and you were still quite sober.

"Wow, Y/N, you look so hot!" Hyewon said, approaching you with Jihoon.

You were wearing a lacy dusty-rose bralette with black ripped jeans and combat boots. The bralette showed off more cleavage than you'd usually show, but you were feeling a little extra today.

You noticed Yunho approaching the kitchen with Seonghwa and Hongjoong, his eyes scanning Doyeon from head to toe. You nudged Doyeon with your elbow, gesturing to Yunho with your eyes. She glanced around, eyes landing on Yunho who gave her a smirk. She smiled at him before moving towards him. She whispered something in his ears, making him drag her away immediately. You weren't expecting your bestfriend to ditch you this early, but oh well.

"Hey Y/N," Seonghwa greeted you. "Have you seen San or Jongho?"

"Nope, I came to the kitchen as soon as I got here," you replied, pouring yourself another shot.

"Ah, all right." Seonghwa and Hongjoong took a drink before they disappeared into the crowd.

One of your friends dragged you outside to the area beside the swimming pool; she wanted to introduce you to some people from another university. You spotted San, Jongho, Wooyoung, Mingi, and Yeosang on the other of the pool, surrounded by girls as usual. There were a few guys there and they were all playing a game of spin the bottle. There was a girl sitting on your boyfriend's lap, and that annoyed you a lot. You couldn't do anything about it since San didn't want anyone to know about your relationship. When you got to see the girl's face, your eyes widened; it was your ex-bestfriend, Park Hyejoo. You scoffed in disbelief; San knew who she was and what she did to you in high school, yet he let her sit on his lap. You tried not to pay attention to them by focusing on the conversation your friend was having with the people she had introduced you to. It somewhat worked... until you heard cheers and whistles which caught everyone's attention.

Hyejoo's face was buried in San's neck, no doubt giving him a hickey. He wasn't even pushing her away. You felt your eyes tear up, but you blinked it away. You couldn't look away until she pulled away. And then she kissed him, causing you to gasp.

"Why are you so surprised?" your drunk friend asked you. "She fucks around as much as Choi San does. I even heard they're fuck buddies."

San pulled away from Hyejoo, but he only smirked at her, making no effort to push her off his lap. Yeosang—who was sitting beside San—noticed you watching, and he immediately elbowed San. "You fucked up big time, bro," Yeosang murmured in his ear.

"What do you mean?" San asked.

"Y/N's over there. She saw everything."

San glanced around until his eyes found your disappointed and sad ones. He wasn't even expecting you to attend the party. He scanned you from head to toe, eyes darkening due to the way you looked in that outfit.

"You dumb fuck," Yeosang muttered, low enough for only San to hear. "Are you seriously eye-fucking her right now? Put your damn reputation aside and go talk to her before you fuck shit up more, idiot!"

San excused himself, pushing your ex-bestfriend off his lap, making his way over to you. But of course, he couldn't be seen with you, so he just gestured with his head for you to follow him. Even though you were so upset, you followed him a few seconds later. He stopped at the garden where there was no one; you could still hear the blasting music from here.

San was dressed in all black and he looked absolutely irresistible. You would've asked him to fuck you right here against the wall, but you were damn pissed at the moment.

"Damn, babe," he said, lips pulling into a smirk. "My girl's looking so hot." He reached out to pull you into his arms, but you took a step back. San frowned. "Babe..."

"You knew what Hyejoo did to me," you said with a bitter chuckle. "And you let her sit on your lap." You pointed at the hickey on his neck. "You let her do that to you despite the fact that you have a girlfriend, who is in fact, standing right in front of you!" You would never lash out like this if it wasn't for the alcohol in your system. Hyejoo bullied you a lot in high school to the point where you had to change schools. San knew every little detail of what Hyejoo did, and you remembered how angry he was when you told him about it.

"Babe, calm down, please," San said softly.

"Calm down? You want me to calm down?! That fucking bitch was sitting on your fucking lap the entire time and she gave you a damn hickey! You didn't even stop her!"

"It was just a dare and—"

You scoffed. "And what about the kiss?"

"She kissed me. I didn't kiss back, I swear!"

"And you made no effort to push her off your damn lap even after that, right?"

San sighed; he really didn't want to fight with you right now. "I think you're overreacting, Y/N. Like I said, it was only a dare."

"Yeah, how about I go sit on another man's lap and suck his neck, hmm? I fucking bet you would love that," you chuckled bitterly. San clenched his jaw at your words; if that were to ever happen, he wouldn't hesitate to punch that guy.

"That's not going to happen," he placed his hands on your bare waist, pulling you against his body. "Let's not fight, okay?" he murmured, kissing your head.

You moved away from him, eyeing the hickey on his neck with disgust. "Fuck off, San," you mumbled. "I need a damn drink." Before San could could say anything, you made your way to the table of drinks beside the pool. You quickly downed three shots, eyes closing at the way the liquid burned your throat.

"Woah, woah, slow down there. You'll choke," you heard someone say from behind you.

"Who gives a fuck?" you muttered.

"Well, I certainly do, darling," Kangmin said, moving to stand in front of you. "You look really nice, even though you look like you could murder someone right now."

You glanced at San who returned back to where he was sitting before. Hyejoo started clinging to him, and he made no effort to do anything about it again. You rolled your eyes, not even surprised that your words went into San's ears and left just as fast. "Believe me, I want to," you said, feeling the alcohol starting to hit you harder.

"I don't know who pissed you off, but loosen up, yeah?" Kangmin said, pouring himself a drink. You noticed the tattoos all over his arms, one of them catching your eye. You grabbed his arm, trying to get a better look. "It's a... squirting dick?" you tried to control yourself from laughing.

"My friend's a tattoo artist and he tattooed it on me without telling me," he said with a chuckle.

"I want one too," you whined. "I want one now."

"What? A squirting dick?"

You lightly punched his bicep, swaying a little due to the effect of the alcohol in your system. "No, a good tattoo!"

"You're drunk right now, darling," he chuckled. "It's never a good idea to get a tattoo when you're drunk, trust me."

You pouted. "But I want a tattoo."

He placed his cup on the table and moved his hands to cup your cheeks. "I promise I'll take you to get a tattoo this week, okay? Now, let's go dance, hmm?" You nodded, letting him drag you inside to the dance floor.

San saw everything and his hands clenched into fists. He was so tempted to punch Kangmin and yell at him to stay away from you, but he couldn't risk his reputation like that; he didn't want anyone to know about your relationship no matter what. San went to where you were standing before, taking a tequila shot while he wondered what to do.

"Ji Kangmin and Y/N? Damn!" San overheard someone say.

"I didn't expect him to make a move on her," the other person said. "She's a goody two shoes and he's far from that."

"Kangmin likes women like that actually," the first person said. "And Y/N is very pretty. I'm not very surprised that he went for her."

"Hmm. They do look great together. He seems to like her a lot, no? I saw him walk her to her dorm last week." San's jaw clenched and he quickly made his way inside, searching for you. The dance floor was so crowded, he couldn't even get a glimpse of you anywhere. He tried calling you, but you didn't pick up. He tried calling Doyeon, but she didn't pick up as well.

"Fucking hell," he muttered under his breath, moving through tons of drunk, sweaty people, trying to find you.

After nearly fifteen minutes, he found you sitting alone on of the sofas, head resting on the armrest. "Y/N!"

"Kangmin...?" you lifted your head. "Oh, it's you."

"We're leaving," San said, grabbing your hand.

"No, f-fuck you," you hiccupped. "Go fuck off to Hyejoo." San ignored your words, taking his phone out to book a cab to his apartment. He helped you stand up and pulled you along with him. You wanted to protest, but your body was aching and you really just wanted to sleep.

You fell asleep on San's shoulder in the cab. He carried you bridal style and unlocked his door with the passcode, moving to his bedroom. He gently placed you on the bed and removed your boots. You opened your eyes due to the movement, feeling quite sick. "San..." you murmured. "I think I'm gonna throw up." San quickly lifted you up and took you to the bathroom, holding your hair back while you threw up in his toilet. He gently rubbed your back until you were done.

You brushed your teeth with the toothbrush you kept at San's place, and you took a quick hot shower, sobering a little. San gave you one of his t-shirts to wear and he dried your hair for you.

As soon as your head landed on the pillow, you fell asleep.

-

When you woke up, your head was pounding terribly. You slowly opened your eyes, immediately recognizing that you were in San's apartment; you couldn't remember much of what happened last night. You moved to his bathroom to take a painkiller and finish your morning routine. After you took a shower, you wore one of his black hoodies with one of your shorts that you usually kept at his place.

You felt a pair of muscly arms wrap around you. "You look so good in my clothes," San murmured, placing a kiss on your head. You turned around in his arms, titling your head back to look at him. You were about to wrap your arms around his neck, but your eyes landed on the hickey on his neck, reminding you of the events that happened last night, making you immediately pull yourself away from his embrace.

San frowned. "Babe—"

"San," you start. "Is your reputation that important that you can't even push another girl away when she's throwing herself at you? Especially when you know just how terrible that girl is?" you asked.

San took your hands in his. "Y/N, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have let—"

"But you still did," you argued. "Why don't you want to tell people about us, San? Is it because I'm not like you or your friends? Do you think I'm not attractive enough to be next to you?" He didn't say anything. "I feel like you're just using me," you continued, remembering the amount of times you've heard people say San only screws around. "Do you even love me?" The last question made San freeze. You had fallen in love with San months ago, but he didn't know and probably wouldn't have even noticed.

You waited for him to say something, but he only kept quiet, eyes fixated to the floor. "San, I think we should just," you gulped, eyes tearing up again. "We should b-break up. I really can't tolerate this anymore..." Your words felt like knifes were constantly slicing his heart. "Don't you have anything to say?" you asked, hoping he would fight for you or convince you that continuing this relationship is worth it. You wished he would change.

"How can I when you've already made up your mind?" San murmured, avoiding your eyes. "If you think breaking up is what's best then okay..." he wanted to say much more. He wanted to beg you to not leave him. He wanted to tell you just how much he loved you. But he couldn't. Even if he tried, he just couldn't.

"I'll collect my stuff from here tomorrow," you mumbled, putting your boots on. San could only nod as he watched you.

Before you could leave, San stopped you. "I... I just wanted to ask you... if you ever," he took a deep breath. "If you ever loved me."

You smiled sadly. "It doesn't matter," you whispered, but it was loud enough for him to hear you. "Take care, San," you mumbled before walking out the door, shattering his heart.

-

"You fucked up even more," Yeosang said, watching San smoke a cigarette.

"That's very helpful. Makes me feel great," San stated sarcastically, blowing the smoke to the air.

"No offense, Sannie, but I agree with Yeosang," Hongjoong said. "You should've told her how you felt instead of keeping quiet."

"I know," San sighed. "But she already made up her mind."

"Dude, you're really dense," Wooyoung stated. "She asked you if you had something to say. That translates to 'fight for me.' I don't think you've noticed, but Y/N is definitely in love with you."

San's head shot up. "She wouldn't have broken up with me if she really loved me, Woo."

Seonghwa groaned in frustration. "If I was in Y/N's place, I would dump your stupid ass too."

"Agreed," Yeosang said. "I told you before, San, your reputation is going to fuck up everything. You need to let go of your past as well before it's too late."

"Ji Kangmin's got his eyes on her," Mingi stated. "I heard his friends talking about it."

"Yeah, I heard that too. Y/N is close to him," Jongho added.

San rolled his eyes, taking a drag from the cigarette. "He has nothing else to do other than stealing the girls I like."

"Exactly, and you're letting him do it again," Yunho said, taking the cigarette away from San and crushing it with his shoes. "You have to make a decision Sannie. Either you sort things out with Y/N, or you lose the woman you love to that very bastard again."

---

"So you had the hots for Y/N, huh?" Kangmin asked San while he waited in line to order his drink.

"That's none of your business," San said in a cold tone to his ex-bestfriend.

"I saw you talking to her privately that day," he said, referring to the party you attended almost two weeks ago. San ignored his words. "I don't know what was going on between the two of you," Kangmin continued. "But whatever it was, I'm glad it didn't last long. I want to make her mine."

San scoffed. "You just want to get into her pants."

Kangmin snorted. "Obviously. But after spending two weeks with her, without you around, I'm quite interested. Y/N is gorgeous and has a great personality. She's a rare gem, you know? I bet she'd be just as wonderful in bed and tastes as sweet as she loo—"

San took a step towards Kangmin, grabbing the collar of his shirt. "If you don't shut the fuck up, I'll break your damn face!" San warned.

"Ohhh, I'm so scared," he teased, pushing San away. "Fuck off, Choi San. Someone like Y/N doesn't deserve a bastard like you. You weren't and will never be good enough for her." San chose to ignore him, not wanting to cause a big scene at the café. Kangmin's words stabbed him in the heart. San always thought he wasn't good enough for you, but he never expected to hear anyone say it out loud.

Kangmin's phone started ringing and he couldn't help the smirk that formed on his face. "Hey, gorgeous," he answered, loud and clear. "I'm at the café near your building, getting you your favorite drink and some cupcakes. I'll pick you up from class."

"That won't be necessary," you replied, pushing the door of the café to enter. You instantly spotted Kangmin and made your way towards him, unaware of San who was standing right behind him. "Hi!" you said to Kangmin who hung up once he saw you.

"Hey, beautiful! How was class?" he asked, secretly glancing at San; you still hadn't noticed San as your back was facing him.

"Ugh, tiring. I hate extra classes. I couldn't understand any—" your phone started ringing, interrupting your sentence. You answered the call as it was from your bestfriend.

"Where are you?" Doyeon asked.

"At the café near our dorm," you replied.

"Come over fast, we have to get ready for Hyewon's party. She wants us to come early cause she needs help."

"I'll be there in a bit."

-

"I didn't expect any of them to be here," you said to Doyeon while drinking some whiskey and coke from a red cup, watching your ex-boyfriend converse with his infamous group of friends; they usually went clubbing on Saturday nights. "Aren't you gonna go over to Yunho?"

"I don't wanna ditch you," she answered. You gently pushed her in Yunho's direction.

"Go, I'll be fine."

Before she could reply, Kangmin wrapped his arms around you, startling you a little. Doyeon gave you a wink before making her way towards her boyfriend, leaving you with Kangmin.

"Can we talk?" he whispered in your ear, making sure to move closer to your body once he noticed San watching. You nodded, letting him pull you upstairs. You had gotten quite close to Kangmin these last two weeks; you were really glad to have a friend like him. He distracted you from the pain you felt from not being with San anymore.

Kangmin gently pushed against the wall, trapping you between his arms. You gasped. "What are you doing?"

"I like you, Y/N," he confessed with a smile. "I wanna date you." Before you could say anything, he kissed you. You were a little too shocked, so you let him kiss you for a few seconds. When you regained your senses, you pushed him away. He stared at you, confused by your actions.

"Kangmin, I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way..."

Kangmin rolled his eyes. "It's cause of Choi San, isn't it?"

"No," you lied. Of course it's cause of San. You were still in love with him. You didn't want to date anyone until you got over him. "I only see us as friends, Kangmin," you stated honestly. "You're a really good friend and I don't want to lose you."

Kangmin sighed. "Okay, let's just forget about this. Let's have a drink, hmm?" You nodded, following him downstairs to the kitchen.

You were talking to one of your friends while Kangmin got a drink for you.

"Thanks," you said, taking the cup from him. You took a sip of your drink. It tasted a little salty, but you didn't mind. You felt yourself relaxing a little while you nodded your head to the music. By the time you finished your drink, you felt pretty lightheaded. You clinged to Kangmin's arm. "Hey, could you take me to the couch?" you requested, words slurred. "I don't feel very good..."

"Of course," Kangmin lifted you into his arms, bridal style. He carried you upstairs into one of the rooms, shutting the door behind him with his foot. He placed you on the bed. "You don't know how long I've waited for this," he said, licking his lips while he took your crop-top off. You didn't know what was happening and your vision was really blurry. Kangmin pushed you onto your back before hovering above you. The sudden movement made your head spin even more, causing you to pass out. "Oh, too bad she couldn't stay conscious for this..." he murmured to himself. He ran his hands up from your jean-clad legs to the soft skin of your abdomen before reaching behind your body to unclasp your bra. Before he could pull the piece of clothing away from your body, the door swung open.

"You fucking bastard!" San yelled, pushing Kangmin off of you. Jongho and Hongjoong were right behind San.

"What the fuck, dude?!" Kangmin yelled. "Get out! Can't you see we're busy?!" His words pissed Jongho off. He immediately grabbed Kangmin by the collar and punched him twice in the nose. Kangmin fell to the floor, holding his broken, bloody nose in pain. Jongho wanted to punch him one more time, but Hongjoong held him back. "Don't. You'll end up killing him."

San started crying when he saw your passed out form; he couldn't even think about what would've happened if his friends didn't overhear Kangmin's friends talking about him spiking your drink. San clasped your bra back and put your crop-top on you before he lifted you into his arms. "I'm taking her to my apartment," he said to his friends.

"I'll drive you," Hongjoong offered.

-

When you woke up, you immediately recognized your surroundings. You had absolutely no idea of how you ended up in your ex-boyfriend's bedroom.

Your head was pounding and you wondered what time it was as it was really sunny outside. Before you could get off San's bed, he entered the room.

"You're awake," he said softly, relief clear in his eyes. "Take a shower and come eat. You must be really hungry."

"What happened? What's the time right now?" you questioned, your heart racing at the mere sight of him in a lilac hoodie and black sweatpants.

"I'll tell you after you eat," he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "It's three in the afternoon. Doyeon got some clothes for you. There's a spare toothbrush in the bathroom."

"Thanks," you mumbled, getting up to go to the bathroom.

After you took a shower, you made your way to San's kitchen. You took a seat at the dining table, looking at all the different dishes on the table.

"You made all this?"

San shook his head. "I wasn't able to cook today. Wooyoung and Seonghwa made it. They left a few minutes ago." You noticed how tensed and sad he was; you wanted to ask him what was bothering him, but you knew he wouldn't answer your question until you ate.

You both ate in a comfortable silence. You tried to recall the events from last night, but you weren't able to. You frowned, wondering if you really drank that much.

"Are you all right, San?" you asked, settling on his couch after you both finished eating.

He took a deep breath and you noticed the slight dark circles beneath his eyes. "Can I hug y-you?" he asked, voice cracking while his eyes teared up.

You immediately scooted closer to him on the couch, wrapping your arms around him. He buried his face in the crook of your neck while he held you tightly. His body shook convulsively while he cried, his tears wetting your neck. You ran a hand through his soft hair, knowing it would help calm him down a little.

San pulled away from you, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his lilac hoodie. "I'm sorry..."

You grabbed his hand, intertwining it with yours. "What happened, Sannie?"

Hearing you call him by his nickname brought another set of fresh tears to his eyes. Your other hand reached up to wipe his tears away.

"I love you, Y/N," he confessed, more tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you that before. I'm so sorry for being a jerk to you and prioritizing my reputation. I fucked up and I regret it so much." You took a deep breath, trying to control your rapid heartbeat while you listened to every word he said. "I felt like dying after what happened last night. I'm so sorry, this is all my fault," he sobbed.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What happened last night?"

"O-Oh you don't remember...?" You shook your head. San cleared his throat, trying his best to not to break down again. "Wooyoung and Hongjoong overhead Ji Kangmin's friends say that he spiked your drink after you rejected him." you froze in shock. "They immediately told us about it, and me, Hongjoong, and Jongho rushed over to you. You weren't conscious when we found you. Your top was off and he was about to take your bra off as well, but I pushed him away. Then Jongho punched him. I brought you here after that."

You stared at San in disbelief. "Kangmin s-spiked my drink...?"

San nodded. "He had it all planned. I'm sorry, Y/N... none of this would've happened if he didn't see us together." You were too shocked to say anything; you couldn't believe Kangmin would go this low just cause you rejected him. "Ji Kangmin was my bestfriend in high school. After I got a girlfriend, he acted like a bitch to me cause he wanted her. I really loved her, and she cheated on me with him. He spread a lot of false shit about me after I ended our friendship. When I tried to move on with another girl, he took her away from me too. I didn't want other people to know about us only because he would find out. I didn't want him anywhere near you because I knew he would try to take you away from me. I didn't push Hyejoo away that day because he was watching me and would get suspicious of my actions if I pushed her away. I tried my best to do everything that would keep him away from you, but I still failed..."

You burst into tears, wrapping your arms around San; you had no idea he went through all this. "I'm sorry, San. I should've listened to you when you told me he wasn't a good person," you managed to say through sobs.

"No, Y/N, I'm the one who should say sorry for not telling you all of this before." He held you, gently rocking you back and forth while he cried with you. "Thank you for rejecting him..."

You pulled away, cupping his cheek. "How could I ever date someone else when I'm love with you, San?"

His heart raced in his chest due to your words. "That's why you rejected him?"

You nodded. "And I'm glad I did."

San smiled, leaning his forehead against yours. "Can I..." he hesitated "Can I kiss you?"

"Yes, please."

San immediately captured your lips with his own, kissing you oh so gently. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He smiled, causing you to smile as well while you kissed him; you both missed this so much. The kiss was slow and soft, the two of you just wanting to savor this moment. Your hands played with his hair while his hands lazily ran down the expanse of your back. San pulled away, holding you tight against his chest.

"I know I hurt you a lot and I don't even deserve to speak to you right now... but I want to start over, Y/N," San said honestly. "I want to treat you the way you deserve... show you off to the world... I want to make things right between us. These two weeks were pure torture without you, and I realized that I can't... I can't live without you, Y/N. I really need you, baby."

You rested your head on his chest and you could hear his fast heartbeat. "I need some time, Sannie." you noticed him tense up a little and you knew exactly what he was thinking. "And no, this isn't me indirectly rejecting you or anything. I want to be with you, San. I always have and that isn't gonna change. I just need a little time, considering everything that happened." San nodded in understanding. "I promise that I will come back to you."

"I love you and I'll wait for you," San said, placing a kiss on your head.

"Thank you... I love you too, Sannie." He giggled, loving the way you say those three heart-fluttering words. He cupped your cheek to pull you into another sweet kiss, making your heart race again.

The two of you knew that no matter what, you both would always find your way back to each other.

[lochnessies]

ok here’s a post breakdown of my choosing since it annoyed the fuck out of me. enjoy ✨

Real marginalized people don’t live 1000+ years

weird saying “real” when this is a fantasy game that takes place using a fake country, fake people, and has completely different rules for their universe.

this is fire emblem and the series has always thrived off differing nations and races learning to live in coexistence. every time without fail. crimson flower, and only crimson flower, does a route/game end with the conclusion of “fuck it lets just kill them they’re not human anyway”

so what if they have long lives? they’re forced to live those years in fear and the knowledge that if they’re open about their race and heritage they might be slaughtered again. like humans, they’re entitled to live out those years in peace.

in the tellius games ike says this: “why should i care about the color of your hair, eyes, or skin? or your ears, wings, or tail? no matter how long you live or what powers you possess, we’re the same. at the end of the day, we’re all people.”

and that’s what fire emblem as a series has always backed up. those are the rules of different races, both man and non-human, in the universes of all the games.

and this does ring true in three houses! azure moon, silver snow, and verdant wind all have the nabateans being allowed into society with a promising future.

however, in crimson flower, throughout the story edelgard refers to nabateans as “beasts'' and dehumanizes them again and again. to her, they are subhuman creatures. yes, they are not human, but they are sentient and have human thoughts and emotions.

or have magic powers

magic powers? is this referring to their dragon forms or actual magic? bc they’re seen to have the same magic as everybody else. if it’s their crests stones it’s still irrelevant since that’s literally a part of their biology they can’t be separated from. the minority shouldn’t conform to the majority in order to be given basic rights or escape threats of death.

or build an entire powerful dominant religion with a standing army convincing people that they’re gods.

the size of the church is irrelevant. as evidenced by seteth and flayn’s accounts, organized worship of the goddess by both humans and nabateans existed before zanado was even built and that didn’t stop them from being nearly wiped out.

the church of seiros isn’t ruling the world behind the scenes, that is never implied. in fact, the opposite is shown. they’re completely independent from the three nations and have their own territory that goes for a few miles around the mountains. that’s why they have the knights of seiros and never once are they shown to engage in offensive battle. they defend the monastery from invaders (like the empire) and answer calls for aid for free when the nobility can’t be assed when the people ask for help. nobody is under threat of the knights if they don’t believe in the goddess.

they also have not convinced anybody they’re gods. sothis is a god. the nabateans are not. hell, nobody know the nabateans exist anymore so they can’t be seen as gods since they’ve been wiped from the history books. the saints weren’t seen as gods either since they were mortal messengers for sothis who are believed to be dead.

Like I find the Nabateans fascinating and I want to finish VW to learn more about their history and I think there’s a lot we could discuss about their tragic story, but they’re still fictional. And I get really wary whenever I see fans focusing more on “fantasy prejudice” than on the real world prejudices already present in the story, like racism, sexism, and homophobia.

oh i sure do talk about those things. quite a bit honestly (except homophobia since it’s not in the game).

people talk about the blatant racism because it’s right there. it’s a major theme in three houses. the fódlan-almyra relations, duscur, brigid, and the nabateans fall under this umbrella. and none of these prejudices are “real world” prejudices. they’re all fictional. almyra isn’t real, duscur isn’t, brigid isn’t on the map, and neither is zanado. this is a game that takes place in a fictional world that uses fictional nations and races to create an allegory.

also you are moving the goal posts. first it’s “this isn’t racism” but if it is you change your tune to “well is not real life racism so it doesn’t count.” despite none of it being real life. pick a side.

Edelgard fighting and killing a politically powerful person with magic powers doesn’t become racist just because that person happens to be a dragon, is all I’m saying.

it’s not the fact that rhea dies that’s racist. it’s the dogma and venom that edelgard spews at her. she specifically targets and cites her race as the reason why rhea and the others need to be removed from fodlan. hell, edelgard’s words for the nabateans are on par, and often worse, than ingrid’s vitriol for the people of duscur (and it shows up more as well).

“beasts hiding in the light. monsters slithering in the dark. i will destroy them all.”

“the monsters that have controlled fódlan in secret for far too long… rhea is their leader.”

“you have now witnessed the archbishop's true form. she is a beast.”

“those who rule this world use that beast's power to fabricate miracles, all to control those who blindly believe in the goddess.”

“we must defeat this indomitable enemy. we fight for humanity! for all of fódlan!”

“i will defeat the false goddess, overcome many obstacles, and seize the world for the real humans!”

“should the one leading the people of the world be someone with humanity, or a creature without it?”

“as you know, my goal is to free our world from the control of rhea and the other children of the goddess.”

“if the battle becomes a clash of beasts with inhuman strength…”

“the children of the goddess that used to control the people have been destroyed. the shape of the world will be forever changed. before long, it'll become something that we can mold with our own hands.”

“you are a child of the goddess. you cannot be allowed power over the people”

edelgard wants rhea, and the other nabateans, gone. full stop. all for the crime of being nonhuman bc she has a skewed view of history and the players in it due to misinformation.

if edelgard’s own words aren’t enough, the game mechanics show this by not allowing you to spare seteth and flayn when you approach them in battle with edelgard. the option to spare them is reserved solely for the player character. in contrast, during the mission where you invade the alliance, attacking claude (a human) with either byleth or edelgard gives you the option to spare him, even if edelgard makes her displeasure about doing so known. this is one instance of the gameplay trying to tell the player something: edelgard can be convinced to spare claude’s life, but under no circumstances can you convince her to spare the nabateans. another instance of storytelling through gameplay mechanics is shown in leonie and linhardt’s paralogue: when selecting your units for the battle against the immovable (who is saint indech), you cannot bring either hubert or edelgard, the reason for this being that (translated) “it’s related to one of the saints of the seiros doctrine.”

if you don’t consider all this shit that would get you cancelled on twitter as racism… that’s on you. but trying to back out of it as “well it’s not real racism bc xyz” is extremely disingenuous and comes across as desperate backpedaling.

[bakugohoex]

I know we all love the monkey man and hes sexy and everything...but maybe Zeke for number 1 or your 1k fluff prompts? Theres never anything for him that's fluff...🥺🙏

“you’ll be mine one day”

pairing: zeke yeager x female reader

cw: language, mentions of weed and alcohol, fluff, reader cheating with zeke, mutual pining

word count: ​2500+

a/n: yes i all monkey man sm and of course this fluff has a bit of a weird theme to it but i hope you still liked it

summary: in which after meeting zeke multiple times throughout the month, every time saying the same thing, the only problem being that you have a drunken boyfriend in his way

1k event masterlist

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist

Zeke loved coffee, everyday for the past month he’d walk right into the coffee shop right before work started, ordering his favourite coffee and waiting in the seat right beside the window. The atmosphere smelled of crushed coffee beans, the cakes and desserts that were behind glass. Zeke loved coffee especially when the pretty barista with locks that framed her face perfectly was the one to take his order and give him the coffee cup with the perfect heart in it. He loved coffee like an addict does opium, he loved the way it sat on his tongue, the way it looked at him with such lust. The way it’d be gone in a matter of seconds in one rash blink.

You knew the man’s routine so often that when he’d be running late a hurt was felt through your body. Zeke and you both knew that the constant glances in the half an hour he stayed at the window seat, the lingering touches as you grabbed the empty coffee cup to get him another was wrong. But even then how could he resist you, the way your eyes spoke so much in just a mere glance. He felt infatuated beyond belief but there was one thing in his way of pursuing anything with you, your boyfriend.

With his unkempt hair and smell of weed always around him, Zeke didn’t understand why someone as delightful and pretty as you would go for someone who looked off his head. He was unemployed from what Zeke had gathered; he knew if you were with him you wouldn’t have to work this job. You could stay at home and be his, you wouldn’t have to worry about making ends meet as long as you stayed by his side.

Even with your boyfriend being a minor factor in his mission to get you, he left the same words on the napkin each day, he always left as soon as you went into the back to restock the cupcakes and savoury desserts. The napkin placed on top of the empty mug, you hated how much influence the man had on you.

You had had many conversations with him when work got slow which occurred a lot when he came in the early mornings. But even then his insistence that you’d come to him was prevalent, maybe you did have a crush on the man, he was older by a couple years, established in life, had the stability and security you and your boyfriend never had and worst of all. He had the ability to flirt with you so easily even with the risk of your boyfriend around, Zeke may have respected the position of your relationship with another, but he would never give up on you as easily as you had expected him too.

It was another early morning, you stood behind the counter, watching Zeke in his tight suit, the white shirt unbuttoned as his suit jacket swayed with the wind. The cigarette that he had in his mouth being chucked to the ground as he stepped on it putting it out. The sound of the door jingling made you plaster on a smile at the blond boy who came with a small smirk on his face. “Hello, what can I get for you today, Zeke?” The place was pretty much empty, it hadn’t hit the morning shifts yet and you assumed Zeke started working a lot earlier than the rest of the city. You were the only one at the counter as your colleague had gone to make some food for when the breakfast rush came.

“Morning Y/n, can I have a white coffee and your number on the side?” He spoke the last part confidently with his lip twitching upwards at how you shook your head.

“Nice try Zeke, anything else you need?”

He paused thinking as he stared at you, you looked so delicate and pretty, all the things he could do to you flashed through his head. Maybe it was sleazy to think such crude thoughts but what you didn’t know didn’t harm you, right? “You, if possible.”

“I’ll have your drink made in a couple minutes, Zeke.” You chuckled out, he loved the way you said his name, the way you gave that soft touch as he passed you the money. Your fingers gliding against his own, he took his normal seat watching you pour the hot liquid into the cup, he knew you’d give him another heart like you normally did. You always did concentrate too much on the finer details, you took the cup and plate that went under it bringing it to the man. Placing it down, Zeke saw the heart as you gave him a soft smile, “what you working on now?” You questioned knowing nobody else was going to come in.

You took the seat opposite him, the papers in his hand that looked really important, “foreign affairs, all hush hush, but for a pretty girl like you I could tell you the details.”

“Wouldn’t that be a national security issue?” You folded your arms raising an eye at the man, he gave off this presence of confidence and knew exactly what he was doing with his life. A stability that seemed ever so far away from you, you had often imagined what dating a man like Zeke would be like, how you could work full time at university instead of part time, how you could come home to warmth rather than weed. “Tell me more about what you do.”

You leant your head against your arm as you often spent mornings listening to him ramble on about his career, nodding and humming along whenever the time came. He seemed to enjoy speaking about his work, you could listen to it forever, you nodded almost love struck as the man spoke. Your work colleagues often saying you looked like a girl who was talking to her first crush. “One day I’ll show you what we’re working on.” You nodded at the false promise, one day he’d forget about the barista, he'd become too big, too important for a girl who had nothing going for her than an alcoholic weed smoking loser.

“Promise.” You hadn’t meant to whisper the words, but Zeke gave a soft smile.

He watched how you put your hands out, away from your chin as you leant backwards, grabbing your hands he looked you dead in the eye, “I don’t lie to pretty girls.”

You gave another chuckle, seeing how your eyes went to the arriving customers, the rush about to occur. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You walked away without another word, he watched you go into the back to help bring some of the new produce. Quickly bringing his pen out as he wrote the words onto the napkin, you’ll be mine one day, in his cursive handwriting, his initials were underneath before leaving it beside the empty coffee. Grabbing his stuff as he left just as customers began to barge past to get their morning fix, he took one last look inside seeing you happily smile and take their money, before finally walking away.

You had managed to hand out the coffee cups to those in a hurry before starting to clear tables, taking the napkin Zeke left, the same words every day. Maybe if you had outright told him to stop he would, but the excitement each day you got from the romantic gesture filled your heart. You didn’t know what had gone wrong in your relationship with your boyfriend, maybe it was the drugs or his loss of job. Maybe you had fallen out of love and he had notices, his lying and pleas to make you stay by him. The manipulation and deceit something you wouldn’t get from Zeke; you stuffed the napkin in your pocket ready to put it with the 28 other napkins you had.

Keeping all safe within a box in your bedroom, the fear that arose from being caught with it all. Maybe it was emotional cheating but in a relationship like your own maybe you deserved better, you wiped your hands on your apron. Everything has subsided as you and your colleague went on your break as your manager took over.

“I see how you look at Zeke, just break up with your shitty boyfriend.” She said taking a sip of her coffee, you had your own in your hand thinking about the man.

“I can’t, he needs me.”

She raised her eyebrow at the comment, “he needs a fix and therapy, Y/n, I might sound like an ass right now, but all your boyfriend thinks about is getting his dick wet, getting high and getting drunk.”

There was truth in your friends words and as your break ended, you gripped the napkin tighter than you had imagined. Staring at the eloquent writing, the way he wrote Z and Y, even his handwriting seemed perfect. You took a sharp breath realising that in the 29 days you had known Zeke, he had provided more love and warmth than the man you had been dating for years now. You needed to break up with him, needed to confess to Zeke that his crush wasn’t one sided.

Just as the café closed up, you nimbly parted ways from your friend as you began to walk to your apartment. You knew what was to occur, your boyfriend on the couch high with his friends beside him, you really didn’t want to go back. You felt your phone begin to ring as you answered it to hear the drunken shouting of your boyfriend, you didn’t even bother with the words instead hanging up. Clinging the napkin between your fingers, you walked a different direction, towards the offices that Zeke had so often told you about.

You didn’t know what you would do once you arrived but the glass doors with the frosted words of Marley led you to walk inside. The yellow lights bringing warmth as you walked towards the front desk, you didn’t look like you belonged, looked like some stray. You tapped your fingers against the white marble as the woman finally turned to meet you, “hi, what can I help you with?”

She smiled at you as you really had no idea what to say, “Zeke.”

“Zeke?” She paused, “like Mr. Yeager, one of the partners here.” You nodded as she gave a confused look at you. “Who are you?”

“I’m a friend of his, do you know where I…I can find him.” She looked at you hesitantly.

She tapped on the keyboard, the only sound being her taps, “I can call him down if he’s a friend, we have a security measure so I can’t send you up, but if you wait on those chairs he’ll be down shortly.”

You nodded quickly turning on your heels as you moved to the white chairs, it looked empty, the staff probably having left hours ago. You hadn’t realised Zeke to have been a partner of this place, it seemed way above your standards. You felt the need to leave and never come back, to apologise for wasting the woman’s time but just as you were about to get up. The ding of the elevator made you stop, Zeke coming out with a brunette-haired woman, she smiled at the man as he walked beside her speaking on some matters.

He went to the front office lady and he pointed to you as both him and the woman looked at you. Zeke confused before beginning to walk up to you, “Y/n, what happened?”

“I…I…don’t know why I came here?” You paused taking a sharp breath, “so…sorry I should go, I…” You were ready to run away, embarrassment across your face at the fear of feeling vulnerable in front of this man.

He grabs your wrist stopping you from leaving, bringing you to face him again, “Pieck, I’ll see you tomorrow.” The woman he had been with nodded saying a goodbye before she left herself, “come on, you can explain everything in my office.”

You didn’t know how you had agreed to go with him, your other hand had been clutching the napkin out of instinct, he guided you up the elevator, his taller frame against your own as his hand was on your back. He shuffled you along past the many smaller offices before his name was frosted onto the door, opening the glass as he let you into the much larger area.

“Take a seat.” He gestured to the couch that had a coffee table in front of it, he got out some alcohol putting it on the table as he poured two glasses out for the two of you. “What happened?”

“I…I…I’m sorry, I interrupted your meeting, and I shouldn’t have come here.” You were ready to get up again, but Zeke moved to sit beside you. His discarded suit jacket on his desk as he had rolled up his sleeves, his glasses sitting perfectly across his face.

He brought his hands to your one shaky ones, it seemed to have calmed you down, but he noticed the napkin scrunched up in your hands. “Shoosh it’s okay, take your time.”

You nodded taking a sharp breath as you explained how your boyfriend had shouted at you and how you really didn’t want to go back to your apartment. “I just can’t do this anymore Zeke, I…I deserve happiness right, I do don’t I?”

Zeke had noticed the tears form in your eyes, it cascaded down your perfect face as he wiped them away softly. He was frustrated, frustrated at your arrogant dickhead of a boyfriend, frustrated at the world for making his girl cry.

“You deserve happiness.” You didn’t know what had gotten into you, but at his tender sweet words you moved your hand onto his thigh, crashing your lips onto his own. You felt no guilt, nothing as you kissed the man, your other man moving to his blonde beard as you cupped his face. He knew it was wrong, you had a boyfriend, you were cheating but he couldn’t resist you. He felt you crawl onto his lap, pushing him against the couch as you deepened the kiss. His tongue gliding inside your own as you gave a soft moan of his name, it sent him into an overload as he gripped your waist with one hand and the other to caress your cheek.

He watched as a string of saliva stayed between the two mouths as you both parted, “I…shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t go back on me now, doll.” He teased, laying underneath you, he brought his hand to touch your hair, his touch making you go soft inside. “I told you…”

“Told me what?” You questioned still on his lap; he brought his head closer again to your mouth.

Through every kiss he gave you, he said the four words, “that you’d be mine someday” In a matter of seconds you realised the implications of his words, you were his, you were everything he had dreamt about. You would leave that disgusting man and be Zeke’s forever.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

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@samusimp @alainarose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @missmultifangirl @tvwhoresblog @kuroos-world @levisfilm @katsuhera @answer-the-sirens @animexholic @wapbenders @the-shota-king-masayuki @bakugousmrs @crystal-lilac @dai-tsukki-desu @fandomsinthegalaxies @crimsonbows-and-arrows @admin-in-residence @otterlockholmes @gabrann @zlatanakermann @c0urtn3y @bakuhoesworld

[clubyukhei]

in the mood for love (m)

pairing: wong yukhei x (f) reader

genre: fluff, smut, slice of life, some angst

summary: distance makes the heart grow fonder. in yukhei’s case, it makes him reminisce on all the firsts of your relationship and realise you’re the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. (or: a long-distance relationship au where yukhei savours every moment of your short reunion.)

warnings: unprotected sex, language

tags: established relationship, flashbacks, set in hk, hendery and kunten appear, drunk texting, flirty dialogue, love letters, talks of marriage, pining, a bittersweet ending

word count: 14.6k

a/n: wow, it feels weird to be finally posting this because i’ve been working on this for months. this took way longer than expected and for that i wanna thank my sweet mutuals and anons who have been so patient and encouraging :’) i hope you’re in the mood for fluff and domesticity because this fic is full of it! enjoy! (reposting again bc the original one wouldn’t show up in the tags. tysm if you’ve interacted with that post btw <3)

--

heaven is in your eyes

bright as the stars we're under

oh, is it any wonder

i'm in the mood for love?

-

why stop to think of whether

this little dream might fade?

we've put our hearts together

now we are one, i'm not afraid

-

if there's a cloud above

if it should rain we'll let it

but for tonight, forget it

i'm in the mood for love

-- 

mornings like this are hard to come by for yukhei.

when the only sounds he can hear are the ticking of a clock and your soft exhalations. when you’re cuddled up to him, your face tucked into the crook of his neck where you breathe warm puffs of air onto his skin every few seconds. 

it’s probably just another one of those dreams that yukhei gets every now and then. the kind he never wants to wake up from, because when he opens his eyes, all he sees is the dull grey ceiling of his dormitory before his bunkmates’ noisy snores snap him back into reality. 

those mornings were the worst. yukhei would give up on going back to sleep. instead, he’d force himself out of bed to wash up and head to the canteen for an early breakfast, all while annoyed that his mind had once again translated his yearning for you into his dreams. he couldn’t help but feel like he was being mocked by his own self. 

but this time, it feels different. 

his back is resting on a bed that’s much comfier than the thin mattress he’s used to back at camp, and he’s awfully snug and cosy under what feels like a thick fleece blanket.

yukhei peels his eyelids open, ready to be met with disappointment again.

the first thing he sees is the sunrise peeking through the curtains, greeting him good morning with a dark orange glow — which is weird, because he’s always up before the sun is. even though his mind is still fuzzy, yukhei has an inkling that he’s not back at camp. so he lifts his head off the pillow and looks around. 

there’s a messy work desk between two huge potted plants; a wall fully plastered with polaroids and pictures; and a clothing rack with clothes that clearly aren’t his but it’s the bra hanging over an armchair that finally tells yukhei that he’s in your bedroom.

he looks down and sighs in relief seeing you in deep slumber next to him. you’re sleeping on your side with a hand absentmindedly resting on his waist, your head tilted as if you fell asleep while gazing at him. your eyes are closed and the look on your face is so peaceful — it’s an image that yukhei wants to keep in his mind forever. 

wrapping an arm around your hips, yukhei gently tugs you closer to him. your eyebrow scrunches in reaction and he panics a little, freezing when your hand lands on top of his. but you turn on your other side and snuggle back against his chest instead, and his lips curl into a lopsided smile at this tiny movement.

yukhei hugs you from behind, nuzzling into your hair and sighing when he gets a whiff of your apple-scented shampoo that he has missed so much. 

just like that, the warmth of your bodies wrapped around each other and the thought of getting to spend the next few days with you — in real life, not just in his dreams — lulls him back to sleep. 

-- 

yukhei would never forget the day he first met you. 

or the sight of you sitting at the back of his mum’s restaurant, sipping on a glass of iced tea as you stared out of the window and silently observed the hustle and bustle of shatin plaza. 

the fact that his usual seat was occupied and that a pretty girl was sitting in it left him speechless, but not annoyed at all. sure, it was his favourite spot. it also unofficially belonged to him, seeing how he sat there nearly everyday doing his homework — but that was years ago. 

yukhei felt like the universe had something up its sleeve when it presented him with such a scenario on a day where he finally managed to pop by his mum’s restaurant and pay her a visit. he rarely popped by on weekdays anymore because of how hectic his academic life was becoming.

“look who it is! our yukhei who keeps growing taller and taller!” 

yukhei smiled shyly as he stepped behind the counter and greeted the longtime staff — aunties who never failed to shower him with all sorts of compliments — and rushed into the kitchen looking for his mum. 

mrs wong was less than pleased when she saw her son, to say the least. the smile on her face lasted for a good minute before she started nagging about how he should’ve gone home to study instead.

“i am going to study! right after i eat.” he whined, shocked that his presence had irritated her so much.

“you always say that, yukhei. but you just play games on your phone!” mrs wong retorted, not looking away from the refrigerator.

yukhei gulped at that statement, unwilling to admit that it was quite true.

“mum, who’s that girl outside? sitting at my table?”

“your table?” she chuckled before looking up at him. 

yukhei watched her make her way towards the kitchen entrance to peek at the stranger outside.

“ah, that’s _____. she comes here often.” she said with a bright smile that even yukhei himself rarely received. “she helped us understand what the tourists were saying, talked to them in english for us a few times now. a very sweet and smart girl.”

if anything, yukhei became more attracted to you at that moment. 

maybe it’s the thought of you helping his mum out while he’s not around — he knew how rude and impatient some tourists could be with language barriers, having personally dealt with them several times — or maybe it’s just the way you entered his life that, for some reason, felt like an important moment to him. 

either way, he already made up his mind about one thing. 

yukhei ended up serving you the pad thai you had been waiting for, warmly introducing himself as the lady boss’ first and older son and striking up a conversation with you that went on longer than he had expected. 

he thought it was bad that he had to control his excitement when you suggested he take the seat opposite yours, but it only got worse as you both began to talk about everything and nothing.

when you smiled, he lost his train of thought.  when you laughed or so much as even chuckled, his chest squeezed around his heart and he wanted to keep hearing the sound of it. and when you listened to him, he had to look away because your attentive gaze on him was truly too much. 

by the time you were done with your meal, yukhei had your number saved in his phone. he offered to walk you out, opening the glass doors for you all gentlemanly as if you had just dined at a five-star hotel restaurant.

“it was nice talking to you, yukhei.” you turned to smile at him just before you stepped outside. “see you again, i guess?” 

“yeah, let’s—um. yeah, see you around.” yukhei stuttered pathetically.

you giggled and waved goodbye to him and mrs wong before heading off. the lady boss had been subtly keeping an eye on you two after her son insisted on waiting your table.

once you were out of view, yukhei sighed, cringing at how nervous he sounded. before you, he had never in his life felt that self-conscious in front of anyone.

“my dear, what was that?” his mum asked with a sly look of amusement on her face. 

yukhei wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

“i don’t know, mum.”

all he could think about was seeing you again. 

-- 

when yukhei wakes up again, he’s alone in bed. 

the midday sunlight glares into the room and shines on the empty spot next to him, prompting him to roll away and further into the shade. 

he lies on his side, watching some plant-shaped shadows sway across the wall for a minute before forcing himself out of bed. those extra hours of sleep did wonders for his circadian rhythm and for once he doesn’t feel tired to be awake at all — just bummed that he woke up with you not in his arms.

something in the air shifted after last night. yukhei couldn’t get over the way you jumped into his arms when he appeared at your doorstep, or how you got emotional at his shaky confession as he presented you with the promise ring he had been keeping for so long. 

he had been craving for your presence so much over the past few months that seeing you reciprocate those feelings made him relieved and somewhat clingy. all he wants is to stick by your side every second he has with you before he leaves again. 

so he gets out of bed immediately, walking into your tiny living room where he hears the sound of running water and finds you leaning against the kitchen counter with your back facing him, busily tending to the roses he had gifted you last night. 

yukhei makes his way to you fast. his hands sneak beneath your oversized t-shirt and around your waist, pulling your frame against his front as he places a kiss on your temple. 

“morning,” you say, relaxing into his touch and reaching for the nape of his neck with one hand to tug his face closer to yours. 

yukhei hums in satisfaction when you angle your face perfectly to lock your lips with his in a tender kiss and whines when you attempt to pull away. he wants to taste your lips for a little longer, he’s far from done and you know it too. 

you turn around to face him properly, abandoning the stalks of roses that had your attention earlier. a gasp escapes you when he slides his hands down to your bum and swiftly lifts you onto the counter.

“missed my baby so much,” he mumbles against the juncture of your jaw and neck, relishing in your soft sighs by his ear. 

he doesn’t miss the way your legs hook around his waist to pull him closer or the way your fingertips lightly scratch his scalp as he busily sucks at your skin, determined to leave a trail of love marks for his own appreciation. 

the doorbell rings just as he’s licking over his masterpiece, rudely interrupting the moment. 

“yukhei.” you squeeze his shoulders and yukhei forces himself to pull away.

“who’s that?” he asks, unable to hide the tone of disappointment in his voice. his hands refuse to leave your skin, his thumb gently caressing the curve of your underboob.

you giggle at his pouty lips before adjusting the short bangs hanging over his forehead that he hated despite the many times you told him he looked cute.

“i ordered brunch for us.” 

dumbfounded and still in a half-asleep state, yukhei helps you off the counter. he watches you look into the peephole before opening the door and picking up a large paper bag that had been sitting on your doormat.

“i thought you’d be hungry after waking up.” you say, setting the bag into your small dining table for two. “i hope you don’t mind, bub. i didn’t want to cook anything because, well—i can’t. i haven’t been to the grocery store this week. but we can always head there later and get stuff for the next few days.”

yukhei lets out a huff of disbelief. “baby.” 

but you don’t hear him. you’re so busy unpacking the small food boxes onto the table as you ramble on and on, oblivious to the way he was staring at you in adoration.

“i got you your favourite stuff. spring rolls, shu mai—what?” 

at last you notice how quiet he has been and you freeze, looking at him with your eyes wide in concern. 

“sit down and let me do the work, please.” yukhei pleads, dragging a chair out. “you did all that while i did nothing and slept like a log!” 

you laugh, shaking your head as you sit down. “i just dialed a number and asked for some food. and i know you really needed that sleep.”

once all the food boxes are arranged neatly on the table, yukhei takes his seat next to you. you’re in the midst of reaching for a pair of chopsticks when his hand grabs onto yours, halting your movements.

there’s a moment of silence as you curiously watch him readjust his thumb below the joints of your fingers, bringing the back of your hand towards his lips.

“thank you, baby. i love you.” he tells you with a dazed smile, placing a kiss just above where the promise ring hugs your finger. 

“you’re welcome.” 

you tell him you love him too before you bite back a huge smile — the kind that satisfies yukhei so much because he knows he’s the reason behind it.

--

yukhei couldn’t put into words how elated he was when you texted him back a few days after your slightly awkward first meeting, agreeing to hang out with him that upcoming friday night.

truth be told, there weren’t any concrete plans for your first date. it was amusing to him really, how the conversation ended right after you both settled on a meeting place, with no discussions of what to do or where to eat.

maybe you were simply excited to see him again and didn’t really care about what the plan was — because that was exactly how yukhei felt. 

the bus ride to the shopping mall felt longer than usual. yukhei found himself staring at his reflection in the window a few times, adjusting the sleeves of his jacket and making sure he looked good.

he had rushed home straight after javelin practice and taken the quickest shower of his life before spending a good amount of time styling his hair. it was not the wisest idea — choosing a late school day when there were six other days in a week where he wouldn’t have to rush — but he had been merely trying his luck when he sent that message asking if you were free. he wasn’t expecting you to actually say yes. 

so when he spotted you waiting all by yourself from afar, he quickened his footsteps amidst the crowd, never taking his eyes off of you. 

your face lit up as soon as you saw him and you waved, the crop top you wore lifting a little. yukhei’s gaze flew to the sliver of skin exposed and the nervousness that had been bubbling in his tummy earlier instantly melted into nothing.

the night went quite smoothly. yukhei could not have enjoyed himself more, from dinner at the sushi bar you had recommended to the impromptu movie session that had the both of you sharing the only available seat left: a couple seat. 

he was falling harder as he got to know you more and it scared him just how fast it was happening.

“do you watch superhero movies a lot?” you asked as the two of you turned into another alley of food stalls. 

yukhei had insisted on accompanying you back to the train station after the movie as it was getting late. he was not going to leave you alone when nightlife in the city was just starting, not when the streets were bound to get rowdy. 

“not really. i mean blockbusters are nice but i love old dramas and action flicks, you know?” yukhei answered, turning to look at you in his jacket that had been on you since he noticed you shivering in the cinema. he couldn’t help but smile at how your fingertips were peeking beneath the long sleeves.

“wait, me too!” you gasped, turning to look at him with a huge smile. “why didn’t you stop us from watching iron man?” 

“well you suggested it so i thought you really wanted to watch it!” yukhei laughed as he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “i’m sorry.” 

“no, that’s my bad. i didn’t know what you liked so i just picked something popular.” you rolled your eyes playfully. “maybe we can watch the great gatsby next time. i think we might enjoy that.” 

next time?

it took yukhei a few seconds to acknowledge the idea of a second date that you had brought up so casually.

“r-really?” he cringed as the single word fumbled through his lips.

“yeah?” you replied, the blank look on his face amusing you a little. “we can watch something else too, if you want.”

“no!” he perked up. “let’s watch gatsby.”

eventually the two of you arrived at the train station, where goodbyes were exchanged rather reluctantly and awkwardly. yukhei watched as you took a few steps away from him before abruptly turning back around. 

“what’s wrong?” 

“your jacket!” you ran a hand through your hair abashedly. “i almost forgot! i mean i did, but.”

yukhei’s hands flew to yours before he could stop himself, stopping you from taking his black denim jacket off. 

“it gets cold in the train. you should have it.” his hands flew to his sides awkwardly. “you can give it back to me next time, it’s okay.”

“oh.” you said so softly that yukhei almost missed it. your eyes fell onto the short sleeves hugging his arms and he read your mind right away. 

“i’ll be fine. my bus ride home is pretty quick.” he reassured you. it was a lie. the weather had started getting cooler and that’s why he brought a jacket out in the first place, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

yukhei noticed that your cheeks had reddened a little. why were you so cute?

“okay then,” you said with a tiny smile. “thanks again, yukhei.”

yukhei landed on his bed face flat after a warm shower, absolutely exhausted and ready to hit the sack. to be fair, it had been a long day for him and it was close to midnight. 

if it was any other weekday night, he would be snoring already. but he had just sent you a text asking if you reached home already and was eagerly waiting for your reply. 

at last, after a long five minutes, yukhei’s phone buzzed a few times in a row. 

[from: _____][sent at 11:57PM] 

hey

i just got out of the shower

thx for checking in :)

and thx for tonight again, i had a good time :)

wait it’s almost 12!! 

you’re still awake? 

yukhei didn’t realise a bunch of alphabets and symbols could make him so happy. his thumb hovered over his phone screen as he began to type out a reply, but a more texts came flying in.

[from: _____][sent at 11:59PM]

well

in case you’re already sleeping..

goodnight and sweet dreams~

just minutes ago, he had been so ready to fall asleep. but the rush of happiness he experienced as he read your texts over again made that impossible now. yukhei couldn’t put away his phone, couldn’t stop himself from grinning. 

he was screwed. he knew he was, when that was the effect you had on him after only days of knowing each other.

--

“well, well, well. if it isn’t my favourite couple.” 

“sorry,” you sigh while yukhei simply shoots an apologetic smile at kunhang as he slips into the booth after you. “you know how bad traffic is at this hour.”

“it’s okay.” says ten who’s sitting next to kunhang and shoving his nintendo switch into his bag. “but we ordered some stuff first because i’m starving my ass off.”

“oh that’s great!” yukhei cheers. “i’m hungry too.”

“already? weren’t you guys just at your mum’s restaurant?” ten chuckles as he looks up, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

kunhang snorts. “he’s hungry all the time, remember? you should see his snack stash back at our dorms.” 

just before they parted ways at camp at the start of their vacation, kunhang had suggested to yukhei that they have a get-together meal with ten — the oldest of the trio who recently scored a job at a renown art gallery in town and decided to stay for good, instead of flying back to his hometown.

yukhei agreed to it, not just because he missed his friend dearly, but also because it’s been a while since all of you had a meal together. when he brought it up to you, you were thrilled at the idea of catching up with them, even if that meant giving up some of his already limited time with you. that’s how you and him ended up sitting across from his two best friends at a hot pot restaurant tonight. 

as food arrives and gradually takes up every inch of space on the table, everyone takes turns giving updates on their lives. yukhei shares memorable incidents at camp and kunhang adds on to his stories with funny anecdotes that make you and ten laugh, while ten announces that his longtime boyfriend, kun, has moved into his apartment. 

“so how’s it like living with kun so far?” you ask, ladling soup from the simmering pot in the center of the table for everyone. 

“i’m getting used to my fridge having food and my kitchen actually being used.” ten replies with a shy smile that yukhei rarely got to see. “it’s only been a week and it’s getting messy in there, but i’m not complaining.” 

“aw.” 

yukhei hears you coo, and he can practically see the look of endearment on your face even though he’s focused on all the meat you’ve put on his plate earlier. 

“and when are the two of you planning to tell us that you’re getting married?” the long-haired boy smirks, squinting at the gold band hugging your ring finger. 

the question stunts you and yukhei and kunhang nearly chokes on his sprite. the innocent smile that was on ten’s face just seconds ago was now long gone and replaced with a mischievous one.

“married?” kunhang exclaims, his voice so loud that the couple in the next booth turns over to look. thoroughly embarrassed, he presses the front of his cap down to hide his eyes. “how am i not the first person to know this, yukhei?”

yukhei sighs. where, and how, should he begin? 

as he glares at ten who’s enjoying this a bit too much, you set your chopsticks down and hold your hand out to an eager kunhang, who marvels at the piece of jewellery on your ring finger up close.

“so?” ten lets out a cheeky, high-pitched giggle at the look yukhei gives him. “did you guys just come back from telling your fam the good news or…?”

yukhei grins devilishly as he picks up a bean sprout with his chopsticks, ready to fling it at ten, but you’re faster than him. 

“we’re not—i mean, we’re getting married. eventually! not now, obviously.” you chuckle in a flustered manner.

we’re getting married. 

yukhei’s heart flutters at that sentence. he wants to hear you say that again, wants to be the one to tell his friends that. 

“you’ll be the first to know when we do.” yukhei adds, nudging kunhang’s foot underneath the table, earning an eye-roll from ten.

“well, you better.” kunhang quipped. “we’ve been talking about this for years now. it’s time you two quit playing and actually get it done.” 

“ah, so this is a promise ring?” ten cuts in excitedly. it’s now his turn to examine the ring as kunhang gets back to his food. “it’s so pretty. it definitely suits you.”

“thanks,” you beam as you pull your hand back. “yukhei got it years ago but won’t tell me when or where. says it’s a secret.”

the two boys gawk at yukhei right away and he sighs, bracing himself for what’s to come. 

“oh xuxi, you romantic baby!” ten teases, clearly having the time of his life making yukhei blush tonight. 

“so this is what you were nervous about!” kunhang scoffs in disbelief before looking between you and ten. “we were on the train back to the city and he wouldn’t shut up about being nervous for some surprise plan. and he just wouldn’t tell me what!” 

“oh my god, you guys are so cute. it’s gross.” ten shakes his head. “you’re lucky i love you both!”

yukhei smiles bashfully. he was a little embarrassed at first, but of course ten and kunhang had to make it worse. he wanted to pull his beanie over his entire face and ignore everything.

you’re awfully silent next to him as you glance between your food and your lap shyly, your hair shielding your face from everyone else. a warm rush of adoration washes over yukhei and he finds himself gently adjusting your hair, tugging a loose strand behind your ear.

“okay, that’s it.” kunhang groans, grabbing his bag and pretending to leave the table. “thanks for the meal, you guys.” 

“you can’t just leave!” ten exclaims, reaching for his cup of tea. “you haven’t asked _____ for her friends’ numbers yet.” 

kunhang stares at ten, his eyes widening and jaw dropping in horror before he starts bickering with him — a scene that has you bursting into laughter and yukhei reminiscing the good old days where the four of you would hang out at the mall for hours after class. kunhang was always so starstruck by the popular girls at your all-girls school though you weren’t close with any of them. nothing has really changed since you entered university. 

“you told me to remind you!” ten retorts. 

“not in front of everyone!” kunhang cries dramatically.

“dude. it’s literally just the four of us.” ten deadpans. “always has been.”

“anyway,” kunhang rolls his eyes as he turns to face you. “so, _____. any of your friends single again?” 

you do your best to look sympathetic before shaking your head. yukhei splutters out a laugh while ten pats kunhang’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. 

“this would be a lot easier if you were, you know, into guys.” 

--

yukhei’s first kiss with you was, for him, a long time coming. 

it happened at the end of your fifth date, after a day spent at the park. 

summer had fully transitioned into fall and the weather was cool enough for the two of you to set up a picnic at a sunny spot. everything was perfect — from the calming sounds of nature to the desserts you both brought to the cute dress you wore underneath your sweater that matched the greenery around you.

more than a month had passed since yukhei first met you. with every date, the urge to hold your hands when you walked around in public and to kiss you and finally know what your lips tasted like kept growing. 

yukhei smiled as he watched you talk about your week even though he already heard these stories since you text each other so much. your words went in and out of his ears and it was hard for him to concentrate because all he could think of was whether you liked him too.

there were moments that made him consider it a possibility, like how you surprised him with his favourite snacks after one of his javelin practice sessions or the way you would smile when you caught him staring at your face.

he was torn between over-romanticising those moments and acknowledging them as the plain and simple fact that you liked him too.

he felt it again as the two of you watched the sun set and slowly sink into the horizon across the river, the sky dissolving into hues of orange. 

the scene in front of him was majestic, but yukhei could only concentrate on how close to him you and him were. so close that your arms were brushing against each other’s, so close that you could rest your head on his shoulder if you leaned a little. 

“i like this a lot.” you said out of the blue, your eyes still fixed on the sunset in the distance. you leaned back, anchoring your palms against the mat to make yourself comfortable.

“i like you a lot.” 

yukhei couldn’t stop himself. those words had been kept inside him for too long. 

silence hung in the air as your proximity grew tense. yukhei couldn’t see your face and he was starting to think that maybe it was for his own good. when he felt you sitting up straight and he held his breath, expecting the worst.

“i like you too.” your voice was barely audible and you sounded just as nervous as he did, but yukhei heard you loud and clear.

his eyes widened as he turned to you at the speed of light. you had been looking at him nervously but as soon as your eyes met, your gaze quickly flickered towards your hands that were fidgeting with the sleeve of your sweater. 

“really?” yukhei placed his hand over yours, gently circling the back of it with his thumb. “you like me… in that way?” 

“yeah.” you mumbled, resting your head in the nook between his neck and shoulder exactly how he had pictured in his mind earlier. “i like you. a lot.”

relief flooded yukhei’s veins and he could finally breathe hearing you say the words he had so badly wanted to hear. nothing else mattered in that moment, because all he could think of was you seeing him in the same light he saw you in. 

and suddenly, everything made sense to him. how could he be so stupid, after all that had happened in the past few weeks? the way you’d remember the little details of things he told you and how you’d blush at his terrible pick-up lines? of course you liked him too. 

“what are you thinking about?” you squeezed his hand as you pulled back to look at him. 

your face had never been so close to his. yukhei could count your eyelashes and have a proper look at your lips that looked soft and velvety. everything about this moment made it impossible for him to ignore what he had been dreaming of doing.

“can i kiss you?” yukhei asked.

all he could remember was how your eyes lit up instantly, every trace of worry fading away as an innocent smile graced your face. then you leaned in and closed your eyes just as he did, your lips meeting in a long awaited kiss. 

yukhei cupped the side of your face with one hand, his thumb drawing soothing circles over your cheekbones. he felt himself sink into the feeling of your fluffy lips moving languidly against his, the way they tasted sweet like the strawberry shortcakes you shared earlier. 

it took everything in yukhei to not whine when you pulled away to catch your breath, even though the kiss was probably longer than it should have been. he could still feel the butterflies in stomach as you pressed your forehead against his and he didn’t want them to fade away so soon, so he spoiled you with a few chaste kisses in a row that left both your lips tingling by the end.

“been wanting to do that for a long time.” yukhei beamed. 

he reached for your hand that had been on his knee and interlocked your fingers — a small gesture he could now make anytime he wanted, and that made him a very happy boy. 

the sun was almost gone but even under the dim fluorescent lighting from the street lamps, yukhei could tell that you were flushing and giddy with affection like him. the golden hour casted a warm orange glow onto your skin and you couldn’t look more like the girl of his dreams. 

“i know. me too.”

the butterflies in yukhei’s stomach fluttered wildly at the sound of your airy chuckle. there was nothing that could take away the smile on his face.

-- 

yukhei did not expect to wake up to the sight of you in nothing but his camo jacket.

the lack of body heat woke him up and he found himself once again lying alone in bed and wondering where you were — but all his thoughts flew out of the window when he heard the bedroom door creak and saw you stepping back in. 

he had to blink a few times to make sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him and that you were indeed, dressed only in his camo army jacket.

you’re standing beforeyour dresser to examine the love mark yukhei branded on your neck the night before, oblivious to how he’s silently observing you and getting hard again. 

there’s something about the way his jacket reaches your midthigh and teasingly moves upwards to offer him a glimpse of your ass each time you lifted your hands to run over your skin that turns him on so much. and he has seen you in his t-shirts and muscle tanks many times before, but none of that could compare to how you looked right now and he has no clue why so.

maybe it’s the consecutive months of being deprived of your touch and having to picture your body as he took cold showers to relieve himself on some mornings. but he doesn’t have to rely on his imagination now that you’re here, in front of him, like a present waiting to be unwrapped and appreciated.

yukhei lets out a whine that gets muffled into the pillow, but you hear it immediately and whirl around in surprise.

“hey.” you smile lazily as you make your way back to bed, landing on your knees and crawling towards him. 

yukhei’s eyes are glued to the gap between his unbuttoned jacket, which hangs loose enough on your body to bless him with the sight of your cleavage, the smooth expanse of your body, and as he lowers his gaze — your core between your parted thighs. 

he’s visibly infatuated, and you clearly don’t entertain that as you sit on where his crotch is beneath the sheets, lying down on him to give him a quick smooch. your lips are warm and taste like lemon, which tells yukhei you just had your morning mug of tea.

“morning,” yukhei mumbles, slipping a hand beneath his jacket to rest on your back. your skin is smooth and warm under his touch as always. “this looks so much better on you.” 

“yeah?” you chuckle softly. “hope you don’t mind, it was cold.”

“i don’t mind it at all,” yukhei smiles, raising his other hand to cup your cheek affectionately. “but i need you.”

“need you to warm me up, baby.” he says, his voice deepening with the next sentence. “want you to ride me in this.” 

you’re looking down at him in a hazy gaze when your breathing pauses. you don’t answer him with words — instead, you slot your lips between his, never pulling away as you get on your knees and pull the covers off. 

yukhei sighs into the kiss at the feeling of his cock standing tall and unrestrained, desperately begging for your attention. he lets out a heavier sigh as your hand wraps around his hard length and starts stroking him with purpose.

“just like that.” he groans, his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as his hips start thrusting into your grip. you line his jaw with kisses, making him feel pampered and content. 

“want you too.” you purr.

yukhei hears how needy you are and tightens his grip on your ass, but you’re already one step ahead of him. repositioning yourself, you let your slick folds slide against the length of his cock as you continue pumping him, lubricating him with your own arousal. 

the room is filled with desperate sighs. you’re grinding your clit over his tip when it becomes all too much for yukhei, who wants to be deep inside you already.

“baby,” yukhei mutters, squeezing your ass cheeks which elicits a loud gasp from you. “need to be in you now. please.”

the urgency in his voice prompts you to lean forward and stable yourself with a hand pressed to his chest. yukhei watches you guide his cock towards your opening before sinking onto him in one go. 

“fuck.” his throat goes dry at the feeling of your soaking walls enveloping all of him and his jaw slackens as he takes a few moments to appreciate how it feels to be buried in you.

“yukhei,” you whine. “it’s hot.”

he watches you shrug his jacket off, letting it hang past your shoulders in a teasing manner. at this point, he just wants to rip it off you. but all he manages is a guttural groan before running his hands up and down your thighs.

“you’re driving me insane, baby.”

you giggle softly at his words, the sound ringing in his ears and going straight to his cock.

“i love you.” you tell him sweetly and kiss him again. then you plant your hands flat against his lower abdomen where his abs are, lifting yourself off him until only his head is left stretching you open.

yukhei grunts when you drop back down slowly and start riding him at a hypnotic rhythm. he’s too overwhelmed to say a word, too entranced by your breathy moans and the lewd image of your chest rising and falling. 

you’re clenching around him in such a delicious way that all he can do is knead your asscheeks with his large hands and let out deep “uh-uh-uh”s. 

“fuck,” yukhei hisses as he watches you arch your back, moving you hips differently to get the perfect angle. 

“let me take over, baby.”

yukhei plants his feet flat on the mattress just as he feels a familiar tight feeling in his balls. you oblige right away and collapse against him, ready for him to fuck you senseless.

pressed chest to chest, he grips onto your ass firmly as he starts pounding into you from below. 

the scent of passion and desire wafted through the air. his cock leaves and enters you at a brutal pace, the sound of skin slapping only getting more erratic with your cries for his name right by his ear.

“yukhei…” you cry weakly as his tip nudges your sweet spot again and again. 

“i’m here, baby. gonna come inside you, you want that?” 

“y-yes. miss you filling me up.”

yukhei curses, and you reach your high just seconds before he does. your entire body shakes in pleasure before he comes into you, flooding your insides with his warm release. he groans as you ride out your high and roll your hips, the feeling of you being warm and full all too heavenly.

after a short while of nothing but heavy breathing as the both of you succumb to a blissful state, yukhei removes the jacket hanging off your elbows and rolls you over with his softening cock still snug in you. he hums in satisfaction, nuzzling his face against your neck as your fingers comb through his hair. 

“i love you.” yukhei sighs contentedly. “didn’t get to say it back just now.”

he hears you hum softly and feels a peck on his forehead. when he gains the energy to pull back and look at you, he finds your eyes already on him, half-open in adoration. 

“i’ll clean us up, okay?” yukhei asks softly, his elbows pressing against the mattress as he moves to get up. he’s sure there’s already a mess on your sheets. 

“no, don’t go.” you murmured, tightening your thighs around his hips in an attempt to lock him in place. you end up pushing him deeper into you instead, making him hiss. “stay like this for a bit.” 

yukhei notes the clinginess in your voice and the way your hands trace love patterns along the curves of his back. he lies back down, joining your lips in a deep kiss. 

“i’m not going anywhere.”

it’s so easy for him to do whatever you say, he realises. you have him wrapped around your finger because you’re just as clingy as he is — and only he gets to see that side of you.

--

yukhei had sex with you for the first time in a hotel overlooking the ocean. 

it had been his first holiday with you. every december, yukhei would fly back to his mum’s hometown in thailand with his family to visit his relatives — that wasn’t anything new. what was new though, was you tagging along after his mum had enthusiastically asked you to join them. 

the week-long trip was the most fun yukhei had in years. minus the shy introductions and teasing from his relatives who were overjoyed to finally meet his pretty girlfriend whom they’ve heard much about over phone calls, it was like a mini honeymoon for the two of you. 

after catching up with his cousins in the first half of the trip, yukhei spent all the other days ‘having fun by yourselves’ as his mum had insisted. you ended up exploring the coastal town, hanging out at the beach, and eating the local food to your heart’s content.

the highlight of the trip for yukhei though, was finally being able to make love to you. the resort stay was a godsend opportunity after the many interruptions during your steamy makeout sessions in yukhei’s tiny bedroom. it was the perfect time and place that you both needed.

yukhei swore you were a goddess as you laid on the bed with your legs spread out, your hair fanned out against the pillows, patiently waiting for him to put the condom on. 

it was his first time seeing all of you, your curves and body marks displayed to him like a work of art in a museum. he couldn’t look away, couldn’t ignore how rosy your face was from coming apart on his fingers just minutes earlier.

“is this okay?” yukhei asked tenderly, pausing when he stretched you out halfway. “can i go deeper, baby?” 

you nodded fervently though the tense look on your face made yukhei unsure. he really wanted you to enjoy this too. sensing his hesitation, you pulled him down for a deep kiss. 

“so tight, fuck—” yukhei mumbles against your lips as he pushed himself further into you, his hands caressing the underside of your thighs.

yukhei sighed, the pressure to not come quickly making him slightly nervous. it was difficult not to when your walls were warm and hugging his cock like a glove, letting him experience euphoria like never before. 

“beautiful.” his voice gentle as he gave you an open-mouthed kiss. “all mine.” 

as soon as you signalled for him to move, yukhei took charge, thrusting into you slowly as he gauged your reaction. his pace quickened after a while a combination of sighs and moans spilled from your mouth. your neck arched against the pillows, presenting him with the perfect location for a love mark. 

but yukhei was distracted. he couldn’t take his eyes off your soaking core, couldn’t get over the way you stretched open to welcome him each time his cock slid all the way back in. he had seen his fingers disappear in you before so many times, but this image was incomparable. 

“so deep,” you said breathlessly, your fingernails digging crescent moons into his back. 

yukhei looked at you. from the hair that stuck to the side of your neck to your lashes fluttered shut in pleasure, you were a sight to behold. 

“yeah?” he kissed you sloppily. “does it feel good?”

“yes—oh!” you whimpered just as yukhei’s fingertips landed on the sensitive bundle of nerves right above where you and him were connected. 

he drew circles on it with his thumb, groaning when you clenched around him. “you feel so good around me too, baby. you’re doing so well.”

yukhei’s thrusts grew uneven as he coaxed you into your orgasm. by the time he shot his release into the rubber, you came undone beneath him too, crying out in rapture one last time as your thighs shook intensely. 

a moment of silence hung in the air as your pants slowly faded into deep and slow inhalations. seeing you come all over him, because of him, gave yukhei’s ego a huge boost. it didn’t help that you were trembling in sensitivity while he cleaned you up as gently as he could and muttered praises into your ear.

“yukhei,” you called him softly and he halted his movements, worried that he had accidentally hurt you. 

“i don’t know if i can go out tomorrow.” you mumbled, covering your eyes with the back of your hand. 

yukhei instantly relaxed, a smirk taking over his face as he threw the wet wipes aside.  “we don’t have to go out, but i can carry you wherever you like.”

when you didn’t respond, he crawled over you and pulled your hand away. you avoided his gaze, looking at his chest instead. 

“i’m serious, baby.” yukhei tilted your chin up and looked into your eyes as genuinely as he could. “we can stay in all day if you want.”

“okay. sounds nice.” your hand quickly hovered over your face again. 

the smirk on yukhei’s face softened into a smile. it was amusing and adorable to him, how you could still be this shy after the night’s events. he felt as if he was in heaven and within the next second, he was placing kisses everywhere on your face but your lips. when you broke into a fit of giggles, yukhei couldn’t help but keep going. he finally stopped when your hands framed his jaw, guiding his plump lips back to yours for a short, innocent kiss. 

“thank you for being so patient with me tonight.” you paused, swallowing a lump down your throat. “it was nice even though i’m a little sore now.”

yukhei’s heart grew three times at your words.

“is that all? just nice?” he smirked. 

you pinched his bicep playfully and hid your face again, muttering something about him being so annoying. 

“i’m playing with you,” yukhei giggled, pretty sure he had hearts in his eyes as he looked at you. “love seeing you get all shy for me like this.” and with that, he pulled your hands apart and trapped them against the pillows. 

just as he was about to kiss away the pout on your lips, the sound of a door slamming shut thundered down the hallway and echoed in the room, sending both of you into speechlessness. 

yukhei put his boxers on hurriedly, rushing to the balcony and sighing in relief when he noticed the lights in the next room a distance away had just turned on — a sign that his parents, who had been out the entire evening, have just gotten back. at that moment, he couldn’t be more thankful that his plans for the night turned out well. he wouldn’t know how to face his parents if they overheard him and you, and just the sheer thought of it brought goosebumps to his arms.

“are they back?” you asked nervously, pulling the covers up to your chin.

yukhei nodded, turning the bedside lamp off before cuddling up to you. “we have to be quiet.”

“oh, we will be.” you yawned, making him smile and hug you more tightly. you responded by wiggling around in his embrace. “yukhei, i’m sticky.” 

“don’t care.” he whispered against your skin. “just wanna hold my baby like this.” 

after a few more indulgent kisses and sweet nothings were exchanged under the moonlight, you dozed off in each other’s arms.

the next morning, yukhei woke up to the sound of waves crashing onto the shore. you were already awake and sitting up with the covers wrapped around you as you silently admired the swaying palm trees outside. yukhei sat up sluggishly, planting a kiss on your shoulder. 

you turned around to return a kiss to his lips, eyes still closed when you pulled away, the intimacy of last night clearly still in the air. you opened your eyes, looking completely lost in him just like he was in you.

“good morning to you too.”

the rest of the day was slow and relaxed. you both agreed to stay in the resort, and so the afternoon flew by as you lounged by the pool and dined at the restaurant next to the beach. safe to say, the sight of you in a bikini all day led to another intimate, even raunchier night. 

--

yukhei thinks he’s ready to move in with you.

maybe it sounds a little impulsive. but that’s because there haven’t been a lot of opportunities for the two of you to live together, with yukhei studying at another university and you living in a shared apartment over the past few years. 

but staying at your apartment over these few days has given yukhei a sneak peek of life under the same roof as you, and he loves it so much that he wants to be done with his enlistment duties and fast forward to the part where he gets to share a home with you already.

yukhei wants to wake up past noon on weekends and whip up a hearty brunch with you, wants to spend the rest of the day helping you with mundane tasks like laundry and watering all your plants.

yukhei wants to be there for you on days where you’re exhausted from grad school life, when you turn down his pleas for you to take a break despite being drained from staring at your laptop screen. but he’ll massage your tensed shoulders, take your glasses off, and pull you to bed where you doze off to his soothing back rubs and soft praises of how proud of you he is and how well you’re doing.

he craves that kind of domesticity even right now as you lay on top of him, your limbs entangled comfortably and your cheek squished against his chest while your eyes are glued to the great gatsby playing on the tv.

there aren’t any plans to go out today due to the simple fact that you were both too lazy to get dressed and leave the house unless it’s for food. and probably because, though you wouldn’t admit it openly, you want him all to yourself — which is fine because yukhei feels the exact same towards you. 

the living room is hushed as you and him watch a drenched gatsby reunite with daisy in a lavishly decorated flower-filled cottage. you sit up just as the scene ends, elbowing the couch as you rest your chin on your palm.

“why are you looking at me like that?” yukhei asks. there’s an unsure look on your face that he can’t quite read.

“i think i remember.” you hold your other hand up, flashing the ring that has been making you so happy. “thailand?”

yukhei grins brightly, the top row of his teeth showing. he nods proudly, taking your hand in his to look at the ring — a thin gold band with a pale blue sapphire — and admire the way it gleams in the afternoon sunlight. 

it’s just as beautiful as the first time he saw it in that gift shop in thailand. 

yukhei remembers that day vividly. it was the last day of the trip, and both of you were shopping around for souvenirs for your friends back home. he caught you admiring a few vintage jewellery pieces by yourself as he stood in the corner of one of the many shops you stepped into that day, pretending to be interested in some touristy postcards. though it didn’t seem like much to him at first, he later noticed that you picked up the same ring a few times, looking back at it even as you walked away. 

eventually, thanks to what he could say in his broken thai, he managed to charm the shop owner into reserving that very ring for him. yukhei secretly returned for them while you thought you were waiting for him to be done in the bathroom at a cafe. he felt a little bad at first, but he knew it had to be done or else he’d regret it so much in the years to come. 

yukhei always imagined what the ring would look like on your finger. its design enthralled him when he first examined it up close and he quickly understood why you took such a liking to it — after all, anything vintage was right up your alley. little did he know it would look even more beautiful sitting on your ring finger. 

“oh my god.” you let out a huff of disbelief as soon as he finishes explaining everything. 

you’re speechless as your eyes flick back and forth between the ring and the coy look on yukhei’s face. this is the reaction he has been waiting for. 

“yukhei.” your voice is fragile, like you’re about to cry any moment. 

the smirk on yukhei’s face drops immediately. he does not like hearing his name from you like that. 

“what’s wrong?” 

“nothing,” you smile weakly, quickly brushing away the tears that escaped your eyes with the back of your hand. “i just love you so much.”

“and i’m going to miss you. a lot.” you continue before he gets to reply. “every day. all over again. i miss you already.” 

“oh, baby.” yukhei croons as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you down for a tight hug. he rubs your back, feeling helpless at the sound of your sniffles. 

yukhei knew this would happen. of course he did. he’s struggling just as much as you are to ignore the impending distance you’ll both have to deal with again — maybe that’s why he was clinging onto the idea of a future with you so tightly. 

“we’ve talked about this. the sooner the better, right? ” yukhei says sadly, finding it hard to agree with himself.

“i know, i’m just being emotional again. i’m sorry.” you chuckle unhumorously. “i didn’t think i’d get to see you before the year ends, you know? but you came back. you’re actually here and i’m so happy.” 

“and,” you prop your arm up on his chest, the promise ring once again in yukhei’s view. a moment passes as the two of you stare at it — the symbol of your love and future.

“i love you so much. i want to live the rest of my life with you, like the past few days.” you say resolutely.

yukhei is overwhelmed with happiness, love, and nostalgia all at once. suddenly he’s transported back to that park where you first kissed as teenagers, where he first found out that you liked him too. but loving someone and knowing that they love you back so much so that they want to be with you forever is something so much more special. it’s a privilege yukhei never thought he’d have. 

and now, he does. as he looks into your eyes, he realises that you’ve blessed him with that privilege, and that you’re truly the best thing that has ever happened to him. 

yukhei finds himself unable to express in words just how he feels at this moment. so he shifts your bodies around until you’re lying side by side, until all he sees is your face up close. he cups your tear-streaked cheeks before softly brushing his lips against yours, sinking in the warmth that blossoms in his chest. 

“i love you.” he says delicately when he pulls away, tugging a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “i’m so glad the universe chose you for me.” 

the fond smile on your face falters as a tear rolls down your cheek and your bottom lip begin to quiver, the violins playing in the long-forgotten movie adding more melancholy than needed to this moment. 

yukhei’s heart breaks as he watches you avoid his gaze and desperately blink away the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. but he knows that you two will make it, that the distance is merely temporary. and he knows you know it too. what you and him have is so strong. 

“hey, look at me.” he whispers.

you turn towards him, your eyes curiously examining his face.

“i’m gonna come home. to you.” yukhei places a kiss on your forehead. “and it won’t be long. think about it baby, i’ll be out this time next year and we could be living together by then.”

“i can’t wait for that.”

“me too. you’ll get to wake up next to me everyday, but you’ll have to teach me how to not burn our pancakes for breakfast until they’re perfect.”

at last, the corners of your lips twitch and you chuckle into the sleeve of your sweater. 

“how does that sound?”

“waking up to you everyday or the pancakes?”

“me coming home. and us living together.”

“like a dream come true.”

a moment passes as you smile at each other in a placid silence. 

yukhei cups the side of your face with one hand, brushing over your cheekbone and memorising every little detail that adorned your face and made him feel at home no matter where he is. you lean into his touch, reveling in the warmth of his palm. 

the fact that he only has one more day until he will have to wait months before he gets to be with you like this again makes his heart swell in longing. so he holds you close, enjoying the moment while he still can. 

-- 

the first time yukhei told you he loved you, it was an accident — not really. 

that morning, he was awoken by a ball of fur nuzzling against his bare shoulder.

he opened his eyes, looking around the room for a good minute before spotting a familiar siamese cat that was perched at the foot of the bed and observing him with its soft gloomy eyes like it had been waiting for him to wake up for the longest time. 

“good morning, louis.” 

the cat meowed once as if announcing its disappointment in yukhei before hopping off the bed and making its grand exit by squeezing through the slim door gap.

yukhei shrugged, reaching for his phone that had been charging on the nightstand right by the bed. a quick look at the time and date on his lock screen refreshed his memory, vaguely reminding him of the events of the night before. 

he crashed against the mattress and let out a muffled groan into the pillows, shuddering at the thought of how much alcohol he had downed. he was absolutely regretting his idea of not having a birthday party, but instead an entire night of drinking to celebrate turning his legal age. 

his final hours of being seventeen were fun, though. ten, kunhang, and a couple of other friends brought him to an upscale steakhouse located in the city’s nightlife district. but like every other boys’ night out, the night eventually descended into borderline chaos. in last night’s case, they went through too many rounds of drinking games and yukhei soon came to the realisation that he was the type to get all giggly and sappy when intoxicated. 

yukhei threw the covers over himself and ignored the dryness in his throat, ready to slip back into slumber but he couldn’t. something felt off. he grabbed his phone again and there you were, smiling back at him in his lockscreen wallpaper. 

oh no.

flashbacks of how he had asked for you last night and proudly claimed that you were “the one” for him came running back to him. he quickly unlocked his phone, checking his text messages. 

[to: ♥][sent at 1:55AM]

hey baaby

baby

i miss u ;(

ii'm still with ten and. kunhang

he mahde me drink so muhch hheheehe

babyy reply me plz 

i can seee u readin all of thiks :(

i miss You

[from: ♥][sent at 1:56AM]

oh my god yukhei

are you okay?

wru now???

[to: ♥][sent at 1:58AM]

hi bab

im OK

at tens place now…

he has 2 catss. theyre so Cute 

anyway 

i need to tell u sometxhing

its rneally imbportant

and that is i love u 

u make me so happi

u r so pretttyjf n soooo smart

ur alsoreally kind.. lwiterally an angel

hdeheheheheheee

im so lucky to be youre boyfrjend

becayuse i get to see Ur smile everyyday. hold your hand whenegver i want

onlyi can call u Baby

did u know ? 

i bet u djd not ;)

i l o v e LOVE you 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[incoming call from: ♥] 

declined.

[incoming call from: ♥] 

declined.

[from: ♥][sent at 2:00AM]

why aren’t you picking up yukhei

you’re making me worried now

are you okay :( 

[to: ♥][sent at 2:15AM]

hey _____, ten here. don’t worry about xuxi! he just passed out on my couch. 

[attachment: 1 image]

i’m just gonna let him crash here tonight since my parents aren’t back anyway. feel free to pop by in the morning btw, i think he would be really happy. and sorry for texting you at this hour!! goodnight :D

yukhei stared at his phone screen blankly, the jumbled letters of his drunk texts burning into his eyes. there was also that picture of him sprawled across the leather couch in ten’s living room in deep slumber, with his shirt completely unbuttoned and a party hat strapped to his forehead like a unicorn.

“morning, birthday boy.” 

yukhei’s heart jumped. he jammed his thumb against the button on the side of his phone, turning around to find ten’s head poking out of the door. 

“how are you feeling?” ten asked. yukhei sat up immediately when he saw a glass of water in his friend’s hand. “like shit, i’m guessing.”

ten sat himself down at the foot of the bed, handing the water to an eager yukhei who gulps it all at one go.

“close enough. i feel like i’ve been run over by a bus.” yukhei replied, coughing to clear the raspiness in his voice. 

ten hummed. “well, your girl came over with a lot of food. i think you’ll feel better after eating.” 

yukhei’s eyes widened, his voice lowering into a whisper. “she’s here? now?”

“sort of. she went out to get coffee with guanheng but they should be back soon.” ten narrowed his eyes at yukhei, trying to read the look on his face. “what’s wrong?” 

“nothing.” 

“uh huh.” ten snorted. “you suck at lying.” 

“okay, fine. i might have spammed her with some texts last night while i was wasted.”

“oh yeah, i saw those. you were crying for her for at least thirty minutes last night by the way.”

“fuck.” yukhei let out a groan. “let’s not talk about that. not now please, ten-ge.” 

“okay, okay.” ten smirked. “only because it’s your birthday. now, continue.”

“i told her i love her. like, love love her.” 

“oh.” ten paused, his expression fading into one of confusion. “wait, i don’t get it. is that a bad thing?” 

“no, no. it’s not.” yukhei cut in quickly, glancing at the door every few seconds nervously. “it’s just—i haven’t told her that before!” he whisper-shouted. 

“i don’t know how she reacted to it! what if she doesn’t feel the same?”

ten burst into laughter right away, his eyes squinting into crescents. “oh, xuxi. you’re so cute when you’re in love, you know?” 

“i really don’t think you have to worry about her not feeling the same. but i do think you should go tell her in person soon.” 

yukhei blinked, relaxing a little when he realised that ten was probably right. the older male grinned, ruffling yukhei’s bed hair playfully before leaving the room. 

in less than five minutes the door swung open again, and yukhei tensed a little when he saw you, almost as if he had seen a ghost. he didn’t realise you were back already and had been planning to sit in anxiety by himself for thirty more minutes.

“you okay?” you chuckled as you walked over and sat next to him. 

yukhei hummed as you cradled the side of his face with one hand, your thumb smoothing away the drool crust on the corner of his lips that he didn’t even realise had been there. 

“someone clearly had a lot of fun last night.”

yukhei’s lips curled into a silly, crooked smile as you crossed your arms and pouted. your attempt at guilt-tripping him had failed completely, it endeared you instead and suddenly he felt like his drunk self bombarding you with all those confessions last night. 

your lips eventually cracked into a huge grin. you threw your arms around his shoulders, doing your best to engulf his big frame in a tight hug which made yukhei chuckle. he loved it whenever you hugged him like that or let him be the small spoon when you cuddled.

“happy birthday bub.” you coo dearly, giving each of his cheeks a loud smooch which made his face scrunch up adorably. “are you sure you’re okay?” 

“thank you, baby.” yukhei smiled, his mind completely free from his worries already. “i’m okay, just a little hungry.”

“well, it just so happens that there are loads of yummy things waiting outside. maybe even some of your favourite desserts.” you smirked enticingly as you grabbed his hand and stood up. “c’mon, let’s go eat.” 

“wait.” yukhei’s breathing stuttered, pulling you back quickly. “i need to tell you something.”

you moved into the spot between his legs, waiting for him to say something as your hands hung in the air intertwined.

“what is it?” you asked.

yukhei looked up at you, taking in the curious smile on your face. it brought so much joy and warmth to his life and he could never get tired of seeing that.

“i love you.” yukhei said, each word rolling off his tongue so naturally. “all those texts i sent you last night? i meant every single word. i love you, _____.” 

your eyes were glossy as you relaxed a little, sinking into his touch when he clasped his arms around your thighs to pull you closer. yukhei could tell you were recalling all those cheesy texts as you bit your lip shyly.

he closed his eyes just as you bent down to slot your lips against his in the most delicate way possible before whispering those three words back, as if they were only for him to hear. 

“i love you too, yukhei. you make me so happy.” 

“say it again.” yukhei asked, his voice laced with desperation even though he knew it was the first of many ‘i love you’s to come. 

your cheek was soft and warm in the palm of his hand. you grinned, closing the distance between your lips once more.

“i love you.”

it was the best birthday gift yukhei had ever received.

--

as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. 

in yukhei’s case, the past five days have flown by quickly and alas, it is the penultimate day of his short vacation. 

but he’s more than satisfied with how the week has gone by despite how short it felt. he managed to visit his family, catch up with his closest friends, recover all the hours of sleep he had lost while on duty, and most importantly, be around you literally every day of this vacation so far. he woke up and slept next to you, cooked and ate all his favourite foods with you, and interrupted every other activity with sex and cuddling sessions — and he wouldn’t have it any other way. just looking back on those moments brought a smile to his face. 

his thoughts are interrupted when the door to your bedroom opens and you walk in with a small stack of laundry in one hand. 

”thank you baby.” he says, taking the clothes he had worn in the past few days, that are now clean, from you. they’re still warm from being fresh out of the dryer, and he gets a whiff of roses when he holds them under his nose. 

“you’re very welcome.” you plop down right next to where he had been sitting cross-legged on the floor, packing his belongings. 

as yukhei stuffs his sneakers deep into the bottom of his haversack, you look at all his other things that have been laid out neatly, side-by-side, on your bedroom rug. he doesn’t pay much attention as you pick up his wallet and entertain yourself with its contents.

“is this what i think it is?” 

you ask, pulling out a small folded piece of paper that was stuffed into one of the card compartments. the look of curiosity on your face morphs into one of surprise as soon as you unfold it completely and realise what it is.

“you keep this in your wallet?”

it’s one of the few handwritten letters you mailed to him during his first month in camp when he, like every one of his teammates, had zero access to their phones and gadgets. 

yukhei still remembers how tough that period of time was. being thrown into a whole new environment and expected to adjust to a lifestyle that was the complete opposite of university life was not easy at all. not only was his freedom snatched away, he had to deal with a long list of strict rules and responsibilities dumped onto him. and as if all that wasn’t enough, he had to witness his newly-made friends live through the countless military break-up horror stories he heard from his seniors.

it was a lot, but he got through each day thanks to the camaraderie he shared with his team and those letters you had mailed him, since they were the only form of communication he had with you. 

“yeah. it got me through some tough times, you know.” yukhei admits, watching you read through your own words. 

each letter was detailed with updates on your life and things his mum told you to convey to him. they all ended with a short paragraph of best wishes and sweet words which yukhei appreciated very much because he was absolutely sick of hearing about duty and honour.

yukhei had no idea he was so sentimental. he’d reread those letters in your voice, stare at your handwriting, and hold it up to his nose to get the faint scent of your perfume. it was like a piece of you — which was what he needed to fight the homesickness gnawing at him. 

“maybe you should write to me.” you mumble, refusing to look at him as you slid the letter back into his wallet. “i mean, if you’re not too busy. i would love getting mail from you even though we can text and facetime now.”

“i’ll try to, baby.” yukhei smirks. “my good morning and goodnight texts not enough for you?” 

“no,” you drawl, rolling your eyes playfully. “i love waking up to a bunch of heart and rose emojis.” 

yukhei laughs, going back to packing his things while you roll his clothes into bundles that would help him save space. after a short while of teamwork between you two, his haversack is stuffed and he’s done.

“don’t forget these,” you hand him his leather glasses case that had been sitting on your bedside table. then you’re on your feet, pacing around the room as your eyes scan every inch of the space, looking out for anything he might’ve missed. 

“i’ve looked everywhere earlier.” yukhei tells you before getting on his feet too. he stretches his arms high above him and lets out a silent yawn. “i think that’s it.”

“okay.” you answer in a small voice. 

now that you’re done helping him pack, there’s just one last thing left to do and it just happens to be the hardest task of all — you’ll have to say goodbye to him this time, tomorrow, at the train station.

that realisation settles between the two of you, once again compelling yukhei to make the most out of the time he has left. with a sad smile he holds his arms out, instantly drawing you into his embrace like a moth of a flame. you squish your cheek against him, hands locked behind his back as he hugs you warm and securely. 

“you need to stop working out so much, your abs are hard enough.” your voice comes out slightly muffled. “by the time you’re out, i’m gonna be hugging a rock.” 

yukhei grins at your words, bursting into full-blown giggles when your fingers poke into his sides and smooth across his tummy. the faint muscle lines that were there before he enlisted were now more defined, some even visible through the cotton fabric of his t-shirt. 

“you say that like i have a choice, baby.” he replies. “i can’t just sit aside while everyone else does seventy push-ups and ten laps around the field.”

you let out a disgruntled noise and hugged him even tighter, as if you were trying to mold your body into his. 

“and you like it. admit it.” yukhei teases. 

“i do.” you murmur. “you smell so good, by the way.” 

yukhei giggles at how quickly you switched the topic.

“it’s that detergent you’re using. i wish my clothes smelled this nice when i’m there.” 

“i’m talking about you, bub. the way you smell. my hoodie doesn’t smell like that anymore.” 

“the way i smell?” yukhei laughs. “and i think you mean my hoodie.” 

“it’s been mine for a while now.”

“well, wanna give it back to me? since it lost its purpose.” 

“okay. i’ll trade it for this shirt.” 

you tug on the hem of his shirt as you look up at him, eagerly waiting for his response. it’s moments like this where yukhei wonders if you know you have him in the palm of your hand.

“whatever you want, baby. i’ll give it to you.”

the lovestruck smile on his face widens as he places a kiss on your forehead, drawing circles on your back. 

“can i have it now then?” you ask innocently, but yukhei’s ears pick up the hint of playfulness in your tone. 

“right now?” he asks.

“yeah. what’s stopping you?”

“oh, i’ll give it to you now.” yukhei tells you lowly.

the cheeky smile on your face morphs into an ‘o’ shape as his grip on your waist tightens, guiding you towards the bed where you both crash against the mattress. there’s a moment of silence as he hovers over you, suavely tugging his shirt off with one hand and dropping the crumpled fabric next to your face. 

“thanks.” you whisper.

it’s hard to ignore the way your core is perfectly aligned with his when you’re lying underneath him in a hoodie and a pair of grey boyshorts that have been testing his patience for a while now.

yukhei runs his hands up your thighs to your sides, bunching the hoodie up to your chest. wet open-mouthed kisses are left all over the smooth expanse of your tummy and he takes delight in how hard you’re breathing.

“it’s no problem, baby.” he replies nonchalantly, his fingers pulling at the waistband of your boyshorts. “anything else you want before i take this off?”

you shake your head and shoot him a silly smile, and it’s all yukhei can remember before he embarks on yet another mission to please you with his mouth. then he makes love to you again, his warm touch roaming every inch of your body which he memorises to perfection. 

later, when you’re both sated and holding onto each other like two long-lost lovers, yukhei dreams of you again. this time, he’s hiding another velvet box in an even bigger bouquet of roses as he sits nervously in a dimly lit living room, waiting to surprise you when you get home. 

the thought of you being his forever is enough to make him smile in reality, enough to push him through the upcoming months of separation. yukhei was more than ready to be done with that. 

--

it’s only been a minute since you’ve gotten home but the place already feels too big for one person — which is laughable because your apartment isn’t even that huge to begin with. now that yukhei is gone, it feels as if life has been sucked out of these four walls. it has reverted back to nothing more than a roof over your head and a living space for one.

after hanging your coat up and stepping out of your shoes, you stroll to the kitchen and lean against the counter, staring into thin air with the refrigerator whirring softly behind you.

even though it’s only three in the afternoon, it has been an awfully long day for you. the few hours you spent outside drained you and all you did was sit at a restaurant with yukhei and his family for one last meal before sending him off at the train terminal. 

the meal was nice and the send-off was not as bad as you thought it would be. but it was still an emotional farewell and you shed a few tears despite it being nowhere as difficult as the first time he had to leave you. 

you and yukhei stood at the train platform hand in hand until the train finally arrived and came to a stop in front of everyone. 

you let ten and kun attack your boyfriend with their bro hugs first, followed by mrs wong who affectionately caressed her son’s face and repeated her fifth “take care of yourself, my little soldier boy” of the day, and lastly, a less-emotional mr wong who gave his son a few encouraging pats on the back.

looking around, you were filled with dread as you watched the same thing happen with every other soldier who was hugging their loved ones and waving goodbye to them.

when everyone left and when it was just you and him again, yukhei instantly pulled you into his arms, clearly just as reluctant as you are to face this moment.

this was it.

he pulled back, cupping your cheeks and smiling at you forlornly. you stared back at him, taking in how smart he looked in his uniform and the beret framing his beautifully sunkissed face, and mustered all the strength in you to not cry. 

it was impossible. tears swelled in your eyes within seconds and you couldn’t help it, the harder you tried to force them away, the more they wanted to spill out. you silently chided yourself for how naive you were to have wished for a tear-free farewell.

“don’t cry, baby.” yukhei pleaded softly, his big eyes looking watery too. “remember what i said?”

you swiped your tears away with the sleeve of your turtleneck and nodded frantically, not trusting your voice at the moment. 

“i’m gonna come home to you. we’re going to live our lives together.”

his voice was soft yet grounded with conviction, calming you down instantly and offering you the consolation you needed. 

“i’ll be waiting for you.” your voice croaked and you rolled your eyes at how pathetic it sounded.

“i know you’ll be.” yukhei smiled, gently stroking your back. “and you’ll be getting your first letter really soon, i promise.” 

“something else i get to look forward to.” 

you tightened your arms around him, closing your eyes to really savour what it felt like to be in his arms one last time before forcing yourself to let go. 

yukhei interlocked your hand with his, pressing a kiss to the back of it and stealing a glance at your favourite ring.

“i love you so much.” you said, adjusting the collar of his uniform thoughtfully. “eat well and be safe, okay? don’t worry about me. you know you can call me—”

he intercepted you with a long kiss to your lips, letting go only when you pinched his arm. unlike him, you weren’t bold enough to be this affectionate in public. 

“i will.” yukhei answered breathlessly. “promise me you’ll sleep early and not overwork yourself while i’m away. i need you to take care of yourself too.” 

“i promise.” you mumbled, locking your pinky with his as you looked around anxiously. “you should get going now. don’t want you missing your train.” 

he squeezed your hand to bring your attention back to him. “i love you.” 

“love you too.”

and with a final kiss to your lips, his hand loosened from yours, reaching for his haversack on the ground and swinging it over his shoulder in one go. 

“text me once you’ve settled down?”  

“i will, baby.” 

after one last peck to your forehead, he turned around and trudged towards the edge of the train platform, where kunhang had been taking pictures with his sisters while waiting. you stood rooted to the ground as you watched your boyfriend’s figure become smaller, waving at him when he turned around to look at you one final time before getting onto the train. 

ten and kun kindly gave you a lift home afterwards. you nearly teared up again when you walked past the parking lot and spotted the two of them patiently waiting for you in the comfort of their heated car. on the way home, they even made dinner plans and insisted you didn’t spend the rest of the day alone — which you were extremely grateful for. 

you still have a few hours to yourself before meeting them, and it dawns on you that you should probably take a short nap after the sad amount of sleep you got last night. so you force yourself to stop moping and drag yourself to your bedroom to find a comfy set of clothes.

you spend what feels like hours under the hot shower that by the time you step out of the steamy bathroom, the skin of your fingers are wrinkly. just as you start combing your hair, your phone buzzes, its screen lighting up to show you a single notification. 

you whisk it off the table, gaping at the sight of yukhei’s name staring back at you. 

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:10PM]

hey baby i miss you ♥

[to: yukhei][sent at 4:10PM]

miss you too :(

you guys back there already?

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

we’re still on the train

i didn’t get to nap. kunhang snored so loudly :(

[to: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM]

poor baby… 

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:11PM] 

it’s fine

your boyfriend is a strong man. a day without a nap is nothing :D

you snort at his reply. the typing icon appears next to his name so you wait for his next text. 

[from: yukhei][sent as 4:12PM]

anyway, i left a surprise in your desk drawer for you

i think you already know what it is ;)

you don’t. 

[from: yukhei][sent at 4:12PM]

i hope you like it baby ♥ 

you never know what to expect from yukhei because he’s always surprising you with the sweetest, most meaningful gestures. even the story behind your promise ring has you in wonder still. when you pull open the drawer and realise just what he had left for you, a huge grin spreads across your face and you take a second to appreciate the sight of it. he was truly something else.

there, carefully placed on top of the paperwork you had kept in the drawer, is an envelope with your name on it.

“yeah. you’ll be getting your first letter really soon, i promise.” 

you reach for it, immediately peeping inside when you notice it’s unsealed. there was indeed a letter as yukhei had promised. you recognize the lined paper that he clearly tore off from one of your notebooks and assume he wrote this secretly while you were sleeping. the mental image of that melts your heart. 

to _____, my favourite girl in the world.

i have been staring at this blank piece of paper for ten minutes now while you’re sleeping so peacefully. i still don’t know what i should write for my first letter, so here’s an old-fashioned love letter from your admirer for life, your boyfriend, and your future husband: me <3 

you giggle to yourself like an idiot. it’s funny how a single paragraph could switch your mood instantly, how yukhei manages to make you happy even though he’s so far away now. 

was that too cheesy? i’m sorry. you know i’m not a poetic person even though i wish i am. you’ll probably laugh as you read on but that’s okay, because i want you to be happy whenever you read this. 

so where should i begin? 

how about the first time we met? when i saw you sitting at the back of mum’s restaurant, i had butterflies in my stomach (is this how that phrase goes?) and quickly hid in the kitchen. do you remember? 

the smile on your face grew as you continued reading yukhei’s letter. it spoke of the vivid details of all your firsts in your relationship, of the little habits you have that he adores. of the warmth and safeness he feels when he’s around you, of how in awe and inspired he is by you — and how lucky he is to get to experience all that for the past few years and hopefully, the rest of his life. 

by the time you reach the end, you’re laughing and crying. you miss him so much.

i love you, _____. nothing else matters. you’re the light of my life and i hope i can keep making you feel the way you make me feel: safe, happy, and loved. 

until we meet again,

wong yukhei

p.s. i hope you’re not crying. and if you are i really hope it’s because i made you laugh too much. 

you reread the letter again, letting his voice linger in your head for a bit because you’re not ready to let it go yet. then you laid on the bed for a good fifteen minutes as you stared at the ceiling with his letter clasped to your chest, yearning for his presence all over again. 

it’s going to be fine, you tell yourself. you can handle a few months without him. after all, you already have. and he’s never completely away from you, you realise, as you hold your hand up and admire the gorgeous ring shining in the afternoon sunlight. 

for now, that’ll do. 

--

[laventae]

Serendipity

Summary: You accidentally bump into Suna once, then a second time, then a third time.... before it starts seeming like fate has already decided its course for the both of you.

Pairings: Suna Rintaro x F!reader

Genre: Mostly fluff, College/Uni au

Word count: 3.4k words

Part: 1 , (2) , (3) , (TBC)

(A/N: I suck at writing summaries but anyways. This is/was supposed to be part of my [HQ Boys - Pretending to be your boyfriend] series, but I really wanted to make this slightly longer than my usual one-shots. Also, this story will probably have every cheesy trope you know, so, proceed with caution and I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.)

THUD

THUD

THUD

THUD

‘Okay, what the fuck is going on?’ you think as you slowly try to open your eyes. 

Looking at your bedside table, you reach for your phone and check the time

7:35 A.M

‘Ugh... it’s too early for this shit...’ you think as you yawn.

You remember your shift at work starts at about 9 a.m., so you decide to sleep for a bit longer.

You place your phone back down on your bedside table, and turn in bed, covering your face with a pillow.

THUD

“Goddammit, what’s going on outside?!” you exclaim, getting out of your bed and heading for the front door.

You open the door hastily, and find your landlord standing in the hallway of your apartment building, then notice multiple moving boxes scattered around, and movers talking some of the boxes into the apartment opposite yours.

You’re both startled when you open the door, but she softens as soon as she notices it was you.

“Good morning, Mrs. Saito. What’s going on?” you ask her sleepily.

“Goodness, I’m sorry they woke you up as well, sweetheart. The new tenant told me they were moving in today but I didn’t know the movers were coming this early and causing this much of a ruckus!” she exclaims, looking like she was just as annoyed by the noise as you were.

“Well, the new tenant certainly didn’t make a good first impression, huh?” you say, trying to lighten the mood.

She chuckles softly, “I guess not. They’re not even here yet, so I’m just going to have to stay here until the movers are done” she sighs.

“Want me to make you a cup of coffee?”

“Oh, that’s alright, sweetheart, you should go back in and try to get some more sleep” she says, waving you back into your apartment.

You try to insist, but you feel too tired. Instead, you just nod and go back in, closing the door behind you.

Sighing, you head to your bedroom again; you figure you should try to get a bit more sleep in before you actually start getting ready for work.

-~-~-

After tossing and turning in bed for a couple of minutes, the noise wouldn’t get any quieter, so you thought you might as well get out of bed and head to your part-time job a bit earlier than usual.

You start getting ready, and make a quick cup of coffee to give Mrs. Saito on your way out. She thanks you and you go on your way.

When you first moved into your apartment about 2 years ago, you were able to find a pretty decent part-time job working as a barista at coffee shop nearby. It was only about two blocks away from where you lived, so it was super convenient; and a plus point, you were never late.

Checking your phone again, you notice the time

8:35 A.M

“It’s still so early...” you yawn as you take out your headphones and play some music to listen to while you walk to the coffee shop, talking your time.

After about 15 minutes of enjoying your morning walk, and window shopping on the stores along the way, you reach your destination and open the front door.

“Goodmorning, y/n!” you hear your boss call out to you as soon as you enter, “Early as usual, I see”

You chuckle as you head in his direction, “Oh, you know me, always excited to get to work!” you joke.

He laughs, “Yesterday was your last day of your second Uni semester, wasn’t it?” he asks you.

“Yeah, made it out in one piece thankfully”

He laughs again, “I’m sure you did well, I've seen how stressed out you’ve been about it but I also know how hard you’ve been studying, don’t worry” he assures you as he points to the chairs in the shop, silently asking you to help him out with setting them up.

“How do you know that?” you sigh, grabbing a few chairs and setting them down.

He stops what he’s doing and looks at you, “You think I didn’t notice the dark circles you kept coming in with, during every shift, for the past couple of weeks?”

“Was it that obvious?” your eyes widen.

“Definitely” he answers and you both laugh.

After setting up the last few chairs, your boss speaks up again, “Alright, why don’t you head in and get ready, I’ll just be out here setting up the register before we open in a couple of minutes”.

You nod and walk back to the staff locker area.

-~-~-

The day goes by slowly, as usual, and after a few hours, you take your break and head to the staff room locker area to relax and have a (late) breakfast.

‘I really need this right now’ you sigh as you take a sip of your coffee, feeling more tired than usual, and blame it on having to wake up super early that morning.

You check your phone and notice a text message.

1 NEW MESSAGE

You open it.

FROM ‘Wifeyy <3’: “Heyy! Call me when you're on your break!”

You smile and shake your head, dialing up her number.

It rings a couple of times before your best friend picks up.

“Hey y/n!!” she yells excitedly

“Hey Hina,” you laugh, “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to remind you that we are going out tonight to celebrate my birthday, you still remember, right?”

“Oh, was that today?” you joke

“Y/N!!!”

“I’m kidding, I'm kidding, you know I'll be there” you shake your head

“Good! I'll also be inviting some of my friends from Uni, but I want us to hangout still. It’s been a while since we’ve actually caught up. And I'm finally gonna be able to come to your city!”

The both of you actually met during your first year in University through mutual friends. Even though you both were in different majors, you hit it off right away. And after that, the both of you always tried to make time to hang out, whether it was between classes, during lunch breaks, or whenever the both of you had the time.

However, it was sometimes hard to meet up during weekends, since she lived in the city next to yours, so whenever she had the chance to come to your city, or you were able to go to hers, you guys would always spend it together.

“Yeah, I guess with exams and all it was hard for us to actually see each other”

“Exactly, anyways I’m excited for tonight!”

“Yeah, me too..!”

“Hey, do you sound more tired than usual, or is it just me?” she asks you, sounding worried.

“Oh, it’s nothing, I just woke up super early today, not willingly though” you sigh, “don't even ask, I'll tell you about it later”

“Alright... if you say so”

“Anyways, I gotta get back to work now, so, I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

“Alright! Dress sexy, okay? You promised we would dress up!”

“Yeah, yeah, I'll try my best” you both laugh before hanging up.

-~-~-

It was about 5 p.m when you finally reach your house, after leaving your part-time job, and finishing up some outdoor chores you had for the day.

You sigh as you get off the elevator to your floor.

You notice the empty hallway as you walk to your apartment; you suppose that the movers were already done and have left at this point.

You glance over to the door opposite yours at the end of the floor’s hallway.

‘I wonder if they're home yet...’ you think before you unlock the door of your apartment and go in.

You sigh as you place your groceries and bag on your kitchen island and start putting everything away.

You were supposed to meet Hina later tonight, at around 7 p.m, to celebrate her birthday. That meant you had a couple more hours to spend at home, so you decide to make some lunch/dinner and watch a movie on Netflix.

-~-~-

“Hey Hina, I’ll just go outside and answer this call real quick alright?” you try to call out to your friend as you get out of your chair, but she looks at you confused, the music playing loudly in the pub and the bustling of the people inside made it hard for her to hear your voice from across the table.

You point to your phone, and as realization hits her, she nods.

You attempt to make your way out of the pub, trying to worm between the people inside and make your way to the door. However, you suddenly run into someone before you reach the door, and accidentally drop their drink.

“I’m so sorry!” you tell them, looking up and noticing it was an old man, long white hair settling over his shoulders.

He looks annoyed at first but then his face relaxes when he sees you.

“I can pay for the drink!” you tell him apologetically.

“Oh, that’s alright, gorgeous, it was just a mistake” he answers you, smiling.

‘Okay...’ you think as you get a weird feeling in your gut.

“Would you like me to buy you-”

“Okay, Bye” you cut him off, smiling awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable with the way he was looking at you; you reach for the door and leave the pub.

It suddenly gets much quieter, and you feel yourself relax, finally being able to breathe.  

Honestly, you didn’t really get a call from anyone, you were just feeling tired, and wanted to take a break from all the noise.

You check the time on your phone,

11:54 P.M

You sigh, ‘I wanna go back home...’

It’s not that you weren’t having fun with Hina and her friends, but you were frankly not that close with them, and even though they are all very nice, having to be social for a long time takes a toll on your mental and physical strength sometimes.

Startled, you turn around when you hear the door of the pub open again behind you.

“Hey,” you hear Hina say as she approaches you, “is everything okay?”

“Yeah sorry, that was just my mom checking up on me” you lie to her, putting your phone back in your bag.

She nods, but you know she's slightly suspicious of your answer as she eyes you carefully

“You tired?” she asks you.

You chuckle nervously, ‘well, that didn’t take long’.

“Yeah, I'm really sorry, it’s getting late and it’s kind of been a long day”

She chuckles, “It’s okay, I thought your battery might have run out by now”

You couldn’t help but chuckle as well. Then you look at her apologetically.

“Yeah, I think I might head home for the night, is that alright with you?” you ask her, feeling bad you couldn’t stay longer.

She laughs and goes in to hug you goodbye, “You know it’s fine, I’m just glad I got to see you today! But, promise me we would hangout together again soon?”

You sigh, relieved, “you know I'd cancel any plans I have, just to see you” you shake your head as you hug her back.

“And promise me you’ll think about that date I wanna set you up on” she giggles as you both let go.

“Yeah, yeah, I'll think about it” you reply, used to her trying to set you up on these blind dates that you don’t necessarily really want to go to.

“Alright. You want me to call you a cab or walk you home?” she asks as you turn around and start leaving.

“No! It’s fine, my house is literally a couple of blocks away, go back! Have fun!” you say assuring her, and waving her to go back and hangout with her friends.

“Are you sure, y/n?”

“Yess! Go!” you tell her, and turn back around, walking away again.

-~-~-

After walking for a few minutes, you notice how quiet it was outside, except for the few open pubs you passed by earlier. I mean, it wasn’t really a huge surprise, it was getting pretty late, and almost all stores in the area were closed at that point. But, because you weren’t usually out that late at night all alone, it somehow made it feel even emptier and quieter.

You look up at the sky as you walk on the sidewalk and notice a few stars scattered along the night sky. It makes you smile and you close your eyes and take a deep breath.

‘I wonder how many of those are actually just satellites...’ you think to yourself as you open your eyes, and you can’t help but let out a small chuckle.

You feel your phone vibrate and notice you got a text message.

1 NEW MESSAGE

You open it.

FROM ‘Wifeyy <3’: “Heyy! Text me when you get home safe!”

You smile as you read the message, but then feel a sudden chill down your spine.

‘Weird...’

You put your phone down and suddenly start hearing faint footsteps behind you.

‘Alright, that’s fine... it’s just someone walking home as well’ you try to assure yourself but can’t help but still feel anxious.

After a few minutes, you still hear the foot steps behind you, slowly getting closer. That, somehow, making you feel more anxious.

‘I’m just overthinking this right?’

You try to increase your pace, to check if they really were following you. Even if they weren’t, you hope to try and lose them all together. It didn’t help that the way to your apartment would be to keep walking straight, and the alleys around the buildings on the way were blocked off at the ends, not making it any safer for you to try and find a way around.

But then you hear the person behind you increase their pace as well.

‘Fuck’ you think, feeling scared and panicked, ‘they're definitely following me, aren’t they?’

You panic as you think of what to do next, then decide to take out your phone and call someone.

‘Who the fuck do I call? Hina? The police? I-’

Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear someone yell something from the sidewalk on the other side of the street you were walking on.

Your head snaps to where the voice came from and you notice a guy running up to you, “Babe?”

You try to back away before the boy reaches you, but, “I’ve been waiting for you, what took you so long?” he asks, pulling you in for a hug.

“I don’t know yo-!”

“Someone’s following you” he whispers in your ear before letting you complete your sentence.

Your heart stops when you hear him say that and you begin to feel your eyes tear up.

He pulls away, looking at you, and you suddenly notice you stopped hearing the footsteps coming from behind you.

You look back and see a man standing in the middle of the street, your eyes widen when you notice his long white hair.

‘That’s the fucking creepy old guy from the pub, I knew he seemed off!’

“My name is Suna. I was just in that supermarket over there, on the other side of the street, when I noticed him following you” he tells you quietly, as he subtly points at a store behind him. You look over his shoulder and notice a small, old looking supermarket, with an ‘Open 24/7′ neon light flickering over it. “Do you want me to walk you back home?” the boy asks you, and your eyes snap back to him.

You’re then able to see him much clearer, his pale, yellow eyes looking into yours. He had a blank expression on his face but you could hear a hint of worry in his voice.

You feel a tear roll down your cheek and you hesitantly nod at him.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I'm here” you hear him say as he puts an arm around you, pulling you closer, and walks with you in the direction you were originally going in.

After a few moments, you hear the footsteps behind you, again, but this time they started to sound more distant, as if the creepy, old guy was walking away.

Your heart starts calming down a bit as you both walk silently for a few minutes.

You then feel the boy remove his arm from around you and you slightly stumble.

‘Was he supporting me this whole time..?’ you think to yourself as you try to steady yourself back on your own feet.

He turns around, “I’m sure he’s gone by now” he tells you, looking back at you.

You turn around to check as well, and feel yourself finally be able to breathe again when you don’t see anyone behind you. You look back at the boy and nod.

“You live around here?” he asks you and you finally notice where you were.  

Realizing you were only about a block away from your house, you stop.

“What?” the boy asks as he turns around to face you, when he realizes you weren't walking next to him anymore.

“This is me” you answer quickly, pointing to a random building you were standing in front of.

He was nice enough to help you back there, so, it's not that you weren’t thankful, but you were still feeling a bit anxious, and you didn’t want to take any chances.

“Oh,” the boy says, looking up at the building you pointed to, then looks back to you, “I'll watch you go in” he continues, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Oh, uhm, okay..” you nervously say, turning to the building.

‘Shit... I hope the entrance door isn’t locked...’

You reach for the door and push it.

‘Oh, thank god...’ you sigh, relieved.

You quickly turn back to look at him again, and notice his eyes following you.

“Thank you”

He just nods at you, a blank expression still on his face.

You get inside the building and the door closes behind you. You weren’t sure if he was looking so you make your way to the elevators. You pretend you pressed a button, hoping he stopped looking at you through the glass door at that point.

You look behind you and notice he wasn’t there anymore, so you run slowly towards the door and see him walking away.

You place a hand on your heart, and sigh again. You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.

‘Why does it feel like it’s been a really long night...?’

You decide to wait for a few minutes, making sure he wouldn’t still be around the area when you try to run to where you actually lived. It was probably a couple of buildings away so, if you make a quick run for it, you think, you would definitely make it.

You open the glass door slowly and take a quick peak around the street.

‘Nobody’s here...’

You take a quick breath before you make a run for it.

As you thought, it easily took you a minute or two to get to your building. You quickly push the entrance door and run to elevators.  

As soon as it arrives, you get in and press the floor you lived on.

A few moments pass before the elevator doors open and you can't help but breathe a sigh of relief as you’re welcomed with your usual empty, but now comforting hallway.

You step out and head for your apartment when you notice someone standing at the door opposite yours at the end of that hallway, trying to unlock it.

‘Oh, it’s probably the new tenant...’ you think as you walk to your door.

It was pretty silent so you decide to at least welcome them, hoping it would make the awkward silence less... awkward.

“Hey,” you say turning to face them when you get to your door, “You’re the new tenant, righ-” but you quickly stop and your eyes widen when the person turns around to face you.

‘Wait, isn’t he the guy that just walked me back ‘home’??’

He still carried a blank expression on his face, but you notice his eyes slightly widen when he notices who you were as well.

‘Fuck, Fuck, Fuck... What do I say?’ you panic as you both stand there, looking at each other.

“Oh, you live here?” he breaks the silence, sounding pretty calm.

“Oh, yeah,” you say turning around and quickly unlock your door and go in, “Goodnight!” you yell, panicked. 

You accidentally make eye contact with him one last time before you swiftly close the front door, leaving him there, looking blankly at your apartment door instead.

‘He’s my new neighbor??’

(HQ Masterlist)

[cinnaminsvga]

🤬 | seokjin

the sleep deprived series (n.): drabbles that i write when i’m sad and tired

→ frenemy!seokjin ft. e2l and the magnificent get-along sweater | 2K words → a/n: this is dedicated to my homie @jincherie​ who has been, as they say, wiping her ass everyday only to shit again. i can’t really do much to actually alleviate your circumstances except maybe making you smile, so i hope this can be your tiny ray of sunshine amidst the crap. this fic literally makes no sense because i wrote this within one hour so i’m sorry but pls know that ilysm!!

“Where’d you even fucking get this abomination?” you growl, struggling fruitlessly against the coarse fabric. In your fidgeting, your elbow knocks into Seokjin’s broad chest, causing more damage to your weak joints than anything. Even so, Seokjin grunts overdramatically, stepping on your toes in retaliation.

“Yoongi-chi, you know that I love you very much—” Seokjin seethes, his teeth clenched almost painfully as he fights to restrain himself from ripping the sweater in half, a la Hulk style. “—but I will not hesitate to stab you once I get out of here.”

“Not my fault that you both are acting like a bunch of toddlers,” Yoongi snorts, hip jutted out in contempt like the homosexual that he is. “And to answer your other question, I bought that sweater online after your last fight, when you two were literally wrestling on the kitchen counter. I didn’t know whether I walked into some intense BDSM play or a WWE ring.”

“You bought a fucking get-along sweater for us? What are you, some sort of Christian camp counselor?” you growl, kicking your legs out in an attempt to hit him. The slimy twink bastard jumps away gracefully, landing onto the loveseat opposite the couch that you were sitting on. He crosses his legs, opening his arms wide when your traitorous cat jumps onto his lap, looking to all the world like a terrible Bond villain from the 80s.

“If I was Christian, I would not put the two of you into a sweater together,” Yoongi says. He strokes your cat, who purrs loudly before pointing a contemptuous glare back at you, as if she was enjoying your torture too. Dumb cat. You never liked Miko anyway.

Yoongi continues, “Anyone would two eyes knows that you both are just one brawl away from fucking each other into the next dimension. Lord knows that your sexual tension could power the entire city.”

It’s Seokjin’s turn to snort, who has been relatively quiet in comparison to you. He’s also less fidgety, but that might be because he at least has the advantage and comfort of occupying 90% of the sweater space due to his oceanic shoulders. You once described him as “horizontally imbalanced,” which he did not find slightly amusing.

“I would rather place my balls into a panini press and feed them to Miko than to ever fuck Y/N,” Seokjin fake-gags, squirming uncomfortably in his seat. “It would be less hot for me to actually grill my penis than for me to sink into her hell-ish cunt. I swear, you could bake bread in there with how much yeast has accumulated from—“

You headbutt his chin before he can finish, squawking indignantly. The satisfying sound of his teeth clacking together in pain is momentary but worthwhile. “Excuse you, but it’d be an honor to fuck me! I’ve got that S-tier pussy! If my pussy was in a gacha game, people would spend thousands of dollars just to roll for my mystical coochie!”

Yoongi smirks. “So you admit that you do want Seokjin to fuck you!”

“What the fuck! No! That is—what the—I don’t!” You stammer, face flushing as you struggle to regain your footing in the conversation. Yoongi’s eyebrow raises, intrigued by your slip-up. “That is totally not what I meant, and you know it!”

Yoongi picks at his nails, pointedly avoiding eye contact. “Sorry, I don’t speak hetero. Prithee, explain thy peculiar mating rituals to one who does not walk the straight and narrow path.”

You slump back against the couch, forcing Seokjin to follow and fall backward with you. His shoulder hits you square in the boob, causing you to groan in pain. “Yoongi, just let us out of this thing before I lose a limb to this walking inflatable tubeman,” you plead, ignoring Seokjin’s glare.

“I resent that,” Seokjin inputs, but no one pays him any mind. Your attention is focused solely on the smirking kitty man in front of you, who grows smugger as time ticks on.

Everyone in your friend group is aware of the weird relationship you have with Seokjin. Ever since you met him in your freshman year of university, things were never peaceful between the two of you. It was always constant bickering, squabbling, competing… everything. Even Jungkook, Seokjin’s other sworn enemy, doesn’t argue with the elder as much as you did.

For three years, everyone just assumed it was your weird kindergarten schoolyard way of showing affection for each other, and at the beginning, it might have been. You and Seokjin, both of whom have never dated in their lifetimes despite being moderately popular while growing up, are unsurprisingly emotionally stunted and never learned how to just be nice to people you like. Affection who? Compassion where? To the both of you, physical connection can only be achieved through hair tugging and nipple pinching, and not even in the sexy way.

But at a certain point, things were starting to get tiring. Your arguments only grew larger in scale, to the point where it was getting hard to differentiate whether the bruises on your neck were from pinches or something else.

“I just… Ugh… When are they gonna fuck, hyung? I’m actually getting tired of their constant fighting,” Namjoon had lamented one afternoon, just a day after your last altercation with Seokjin. It had been a big one, where Seokjin nearly lost a tooth when you had landed a neat uppercut squarely on his jaw after he called your toes ‘a foot fetishist’s worst nightmare.’

Yoongi’s boyfriend had been staring listlessly into his bowl of soup for the past hour, and he was honestly starting to get worried when it looked like Namjoon had started muttering to himself in a foreign language. Yoongi almost thought he might have been scrying for a prophecy, begging for an answer to their most pressing question.

“What do you want me to do about it? Lock them in a room and let them out only after they’ve done the deed? Mixed bodily fluids? Performed the monkey dance to its climax?! No thanks, I don’t wanna be near them when that can of worms finally explodes,” Yoongi grimaced, shivering at the thought.

Namjoon shook his head quickly, face paling with him. “Heaven forbid. Maybe you can keep it PG? How about getting one of those get-along sweaters or something. I think they used those in kindergarten.”

Yoongi sighed. “Yeah, but the question would be how I’d get them into it.” He flaps his noodle arms around in demonstration. “I’m not exactly in the running for world’s strongest twink. Plus, years of fighting each other means they’re both stronger than I am.”

Namjoon shrugged. “Easy, just dare them to wear it. Make it into a competition. Nothing gets them more riled up than when they’re trying to outcompete each other.”

And so, that’s how the two of you had gotten stuck in a 3XXL Hello Kitty sweater that Yoongi had bought from Ebay. It has yet to be decided whether spending $40 on expedited shipping was worth it.

“Look, Yoongi-chi. We both promise that we will stop fighting once you let us out of this,” Seokjin says, smiling sweetly at him. Had Yoongi been younger and much more prone to the alluring temptation of the Straight Man™️, he might have caved. But Yoongi is older now, plus he knows when Seokjin is lying better than any polygraph test.

Yoongi rolls his eyes, waving him off. “Fat chance. You’d probably stop fighting for approximately three hours before getting mad about mint chocolate ice cream or something.”

“Hey! Give us some credit. We both agree that flavor is abhorrent, so we would never argue about that,” you retort, with Seokjin nodding furiously in agreement. You glance at him. “And I feel like we’d last at least six hours without fighting. What was our record again?”

“Five hours and twenty-two minutes,” Seokjin says.

You hum thoughtfully. “Okay, I can promise at least five hours and thirty minutes. Maybe.”

Yoongi groans, rubbing his temples in frustration. His souring mood even makes Miko jump away in fright, and the two idiots trapped in a sweater can immediately feel the dip in temperature. Uh oh, here we go!

“I am absolutely sick and tired of the two of you dumbasses fighting all the time! It’s embarrassing as hell trying to bring either of you anywhere in public because everyone mistakes your little catfights for strange foreplay or whatever,” Yoongi glowers. The two of you shrink into your seats, ashamed.

“We’ve only gotten kicked out of one Costco—” Seokjin defends. 

“But we did get fined for public indecency at the beach when I pulled your trunks down, which was totally unfair, by the way,” you mutter. 

“You literally threatened to, and I quote, ‘Suck the soul out of Seokjin’s dick until he dies.’ How the hell is that unfair?!” Yoongi exclaims. 

“It was a death threat! I would’ve accepted a charge for attempted murder, but that was not going to be a sexy blowjob, I assure you—”

Yoongi holds up a hand to silence you. “Face it, you both like each other. Whatever! Sure, you guys are the token straight people in our friend group, but that doesn’t make you bland as hell! Well, actually, it does but…” Yoongi pauses, wondering if it was worth lying. It takes a second for him to refocus. “Where was I? Oh right—“

Yoongi clears his throat, starting again. He heaves a deep breath, shoulders sagging tiredly as he puts on the sincerest face he can muster. “Listen, I just want to say that I care a lot about you, okay? And it sucks seeing the both of you hurting every time the other person says something really mean that neither of you even mean! If anything, will you please stop for me? If you really cared about our friendship, will you do it for me?”

There is a heavy pause as Yoongi strives to get his breathing back in check, his impassioned speech causing his fragile grandpa heart to race. He can feel his cheeks darkening in embarrassment, unused to using his “hyung voice” on Seokjin or you. Separately, the two of you are very reliable, never really needing him to scold either of you. Together, however… that’s a different story, but as the next eldest hyung, it really only fell to Yoongi to fix his friends�� mess of a relationship.

Screw age hierarchy. Yoongi would love to see Jungkook try to get Seokjin and you to fuck. Would absolutely pay to see the twerp squirm as he tries to even say the word “penis.”

After a while, Seokjin and you share a look. Yoongi watches with bated breath as he waits for either of you to speak, but he can sense some unspoken conversation happening between you. Perhaps, after years of exchanging blows, you had somehow knocked brain cells into each other and now share a weird psychic connection. Or, more likely, the two of you actually like each other and understand each other on a deeply personal level, so personal in fact that you could probably finish each other’s sentences, like—!

“We refuse,” you both reply in tandem, your joined voices echoing throughout the apartment. You both had said it so in sync that Yoongi might have imagined the other person speaking, but no—you both really did just say that to his face. In front of Miko. In front of his goddamn imaginary salad.

“Excuse me?” Yoongi squeaks. He cleans his ears with his fingers but finds no cotton there. These bitches! How dare they just throw his speech to the gutter! That shit took brain cells to think of, and he is not in the business of wasting his precious minutes by using them for productivity.

You shrug, leaning against Seokjin’s shoulder. He can see the ghost of a smirk tugging at your lips, thoroughly enjoying Yoongi’s confusion. “You heard us. We’ve made the executive decision to double our efforts, actually.”

Seokjin nods, not even shoving you off his shoulder like he normally would whenever you made contact with him. What? “Exactly. Honestly, we’ve been fighting for so long that we’ve kinda been just doing it for the bit at this point, and the fact that it annoys you so much is just the icing on the cake.”

Yoongi stares at them. His brain doesn’t feel like it’s connecting to his body at all; he feels like he’s floating. “So. What you’re saying is—“

“We know we like each other. Whatever. But we also like fighting, so who gives a shit if we’re having fun at the end of the day?” you shrug, pinching Seokjin’s cheek for good measure. As per usual, the elder retaliates by grabbing your finger with robot-like accuracy, before biting you there like a ravaging beast.

“And before you ask, no, we aren’t really dating. Yet. We kinda just wanted to piss as many people off before actually becoming official. We honestly didn’t think that you’d be the first one to crack.” Seokjin says, your finger falling from his mouth. The imprint of his teeth marks on your skin are plain as day, but you don’t look remotely bothered by it. In fact, you’re practically cooing at his ‘baby teefies’ like a psychopath.

“I—“ Yoongi stutters, at a loss for words for once in his life. He stands from the chair, but his knees give out from under him, causing him to tumble to the carpeted floor. He holds his head in his hands, shell-shocked. “So… That means…”

“Yeah, we’re kinda just freaky, I guess.” You muse before laughing hysterically when Yoongi begins to sob. “Hey, you’re right! We did make Yoongi cry! Do you think we could make Namjoon piss himself in rage when he finally confronts us too?”

Seokjin cackles, shaking your hand underneath the sweater. “If anyone can do it, I know that we can.”

And so, the two of you stand up clumsily to your feet, not bothering to escape the ridiculous sweater as you both waddled out of Yoongi’s apartment. From outside his door, Yoongi hears the sound of a new fight commencing, your shrieks resonating down the hall and for all the world to hear.

[moonlightjeno]

the chemistry of water | l.j

𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 :: swimmer!jeno x reader

𝕨𝕔 :: 7k

𝕒/𝕟 :: this was inspired by @smoljh swimmer!jeno timestamp. which you can read here. this is literally just pure fluff. fluff, fluff, fluff with like a couple cups of angst because i’m whipped for jeno... so enjoy.  

masterlist 

water, like most chemical compounds, was made up of hydrogen bonds, these weak bonds that formed between the hydrogen atoms and the oxygen gave a sense of magic that even though weak when working together managed to create something beautiful, elegant, fluid and strong incapable of being crushed. 

Chemicals, and bonds were much like relationships. Formed slowly by a weak attempt to make conversation, the awkward silence that filled the library hall as you, well you both attempted to start a conversation on how the tutoring of chemistry would go. The first reach and attempt of a forming bond between the two people that are alway initiated by someone else, a push of pull in the right direction all to lead you to the collision that would alter one’s life track.

It’s been halfway through freshman year when your professor had asked, well more like demanded you tutor the university top swimmer. The idea of tutoring had always been fascinating to you, well not fascinating more like something that seemed to be out of your comfort zone, one that you’d promised yourself you’d finally leave once college started. That had been 4 months ago, and you remained inside that bubble, talking to your roommate and her friends at most. So when the idea of tutoring someone had been brought up to you, the initial push that would cause the collision of two very different particles to bind together, you agreed with a small smile. 

“y/n, you’d have to work with him at least three times a week if he wants to get his grades up. He’s a promising student, just has a lot on his plate” your professor told you, voice calm and direct at what you would have to do. You nod, happy to be able to help, that is until you ask who you’re supposed to tutor and your professors look at you with a smile, “lee jeno”.

You're almost sure, you can feel the bonds that kept you together on that long day of classes, the single cup of coffee in your system doing little to keep you up, as the name of the school's most popular boy leaves the old man’s lips. 

Well not the most popular boy, if you’re being honest, more like the boy that your roommate wouldn’t shut up about. The boy that everyone in your class, more like your whole year and the year above, seemed to be infatuated by because of his eye smile and dark hair. The boy who, in your opinion, managed to break the hydrogen bonds that held the water molecules together, as he swam beating record after record after record. 

Bonds. A new sort of bond would be formed between the infamous lee jeno and you as you texted him that afternoon, a simple “hey” that had taken you at least ten minutes to actually send. 

A day. It took a day for a response to come to your phone, which meant a day of you being slightly stressed about the boy you had texted out of the blue with no actual context. Though you had debated if you should have messaged him something along the lines of “it’s y/n, i was asked to tutor you” but by the time you’d had thought of actually texting him that, it had been hours since you’d first texted and decided that it would just be awkward if another message was sent hours later the first one. It was stressful, waiting for a random boy who you knew of, who you’d see pass you in the hallway, smile always bright as he waved to those around him. Tending to be accompanied by a boy who’s hair changed color like the year’s seasons. It was almost winter, and Jeno's best friend now had blue hair, and you wondered more often that not good looking people would automatically be attracted to each other, and stick together. 

The bell rings, a shrill in your ears, masking the silent vibrations of your phone as it buzzes. You don’t hear the noise of it’s vibration, paying attention to the shrieking noise of the bell while attempting to listen to your professors instructions on the lab work that would have to be completed by next week. The paper’s scattered around your desk, take a while to pick up and you’re almost sure you’re the last person to leave the room, the professor had rushed off to the next class once he’d finished with the instructions, and it’s not until you hear a buzzing noise again that you check your phone. 

“Hey?” is the first thing you read, the caller i.d. ‘Unknown’ because you had totally forgotten to label it as jeno, with the nerves of actually getting an answer. Unlocking your phone, you send the small question marks before realizing that it indeed was jeno, and introducing yourself. 

The messages were a mess, and though your professor had initiated the initial push towards the bonds that would be formed, the world couldn’t help it seemed to make you two struggle a little more. For bonds to form, they have to reach an activation energy, crashing with enough energy, in specific positions. Slowly were the particles of you and jeno beginning to move towards each other, if it hadn’t been for the stream of awkwards texts you sent a failed attempt to explain what was going on. 

You hear a faint chuckle from somewhere in the room and look up. It was weird to have someone still in the class after hours, the only reason you were still in class was because you couldn’t find your notebook, that had today’s notes and didn’t really have anyone to get the notes from. 

The phone in your hand vibrates again,  the little “jeno has laughed at your message” icon appearing on your phone, and you looked around again as the small giggle was heard. The room was huge, fitting around 200 students a lecture so the soft giggles, which you found adorable to say the least, could have been coming from anywhere that is until you spotted a dark head, back towards you, the hoodie the boy wore had “lee jeno” written on it, while varsity swim team wrapped around the bottom of the hoodie and if it weren’t for the desk that you leaned against you could have sworn that you might have just hidden underneath your chair. 

The sound that came from your phone, a small “ring ring ring” startled you making you hit yourself against the desk, a small curse leaving your lips which caused jeno to turn around a smile present as always on his face. And it feels too soon that he is right in front of you asking you something, but you can’t fully process it because ‘what does one do when they just awkwardly text another person only to have them right in front of you in the next five minutes?’ you really aren’t sure but think they should make a guide about it. 

There’s a quiet silence that settles around the two of you, and you decide that you might as well tell him about the tutoring but jeno decides that he should say something too as he was the one that walked towards you, ending up in the two of you talking at the same time. Heat fills your cheeks, and if you weren’t so busy looking at the floor or anything except the boy's face you would have seen the light pink that adorned his cheeks. 

“You first” jeno says, hsi voice is softer than you imagined it. Not that you had never heard him speak, you had on the rare occasion that you went to a swim meet in order to support your best friend and roommate who loved going, cheering on the team with all her might. But at the swim meets, the jeno you’d seen was loud, almost center of attention but not quiet, loud but not overwhelming, but with an energy that was contagious to everyone else. The boy that stood before you seemed to be shy, and awkward and you could feel yourself relax just a little. 

“Oh… okay” the words come out small, and you force yourself to look up at the boy, who’s smile is more enchanting than before “well, I have to tutor you, for chem?”. Jeno nods, hair falling slightly in front of his eyes, but it doesn't seem to bother him as he waits for you to continue, “so we should meet up sometime this week, and what exactly are you struggling with, so I could look over that” 

Jeno’s is left slightly in awe, by the way you offer him help, your voice is soothing he thinks, and the way you bite your lip from nerves he finds to be endearing. He was used to girls chasing him, one way or the other, not leaving him much space to say what he wanted. Though if he listened to Jaemin, he should just enjoy the supposed ‘fame’ he had, but it just wasn’t his thing. Jeno could see you checking the time on your phone, a little past 4, and his brain panicked. 

“Shit” the boy muttered, and now you were really confused, “shit? No, oh i need help with this?” you asked him, baffled at the boy’s reaction, and the boy looked at his phone. 

“Oh no, sorry I didn’t mean it towards you. It’s just that we have a swim team meeting, and it started 5 minutes ago, and if I’m late to another one I might get kicked out” jeno says in a rush, it seems he can’t get out of the room fast enough, as he turns around and you follow him, determined to at least get some date or time that the two of you could meet up. 

“Wait! We still need to figure out a time schedule?” you questions makes the dark haired boy stop for a split second, his brows slightly furrowed, eyes closed as he takes a deep breath, “I’ll text you, I really am sorry y/n, but I have to go” and with that he’s rushing off to the athletics department, leaving you slightly baffled and for some reason with a fluttering feeling in your stomach. Texting, that’s what I’m gonna have to depend this whole thing on. You sigh, walking towards your dorm ready to sit down on your bed, and work on the chemistry project, while playing music in the background. 

 It is said that molecules are attracted to each other, polar opposites, where non-polar molecules will collide with polar molecules in order to form in perfect harmony a compound that will be of use and wonder to the world around us. Those bonds might be the key to relationships, or maybe it’s just the technological black box that people hold in their hands waiting for a sign. 

much to your surprise jeno, did text you a couple hours after the two of you had bumped into each other. The message was brief, a string of “im sorry, again” which you couldn’t help but slightly smile at the boy’s shyness, and another of “can we meet up tomorrow, right after classes are over by the library?”. The last message is what had you now waiting, by the library doors, chemistry notebook in hand as you waited for the black haired boy to appear. 

It’s been five minutes, and there is still no sight of the boy that promised you he’d be at the library and you can feel the fluttering excitement leave. Futters of wings no longer flapping rapidly, but they have seemed to fall asleep. Deciding that you might as well continue on your project, you sit down, pen in hand as you're about to look over the redox equation on balancing carbon dioxide with water in order to form acidic rain. Music is lightly playing through your headphones, the constant tunes a soothing background noise, as the project expands, you're about to flip the paper when you feel a drop of cold water on your shoulder. Checking the time, your phone reads 4:15, it’s been fifteen minutes, and he still hasn’t shown up, he could have texted, you think bitterly. 

Drip, drip, drip. The water droplets land on you again, and this time you swivel around in your chair, almost causing whiplash, before being met with dark eyes, that could convey everything and nothing at all. It takes you a second to register before you breathe out “you’re late” to which he only smiles, the sides of his eyes disappearing appearing to be crescent moons. 

“Yeah” he breathes, sitting down next you as he tries to regain his composure, for a second, a very brief one, you want to push back his slightly wet hair and not be annoyed but seconds only last seconds and in the next moment your scowling again, waiting for an explanation as you furrow your brows.

“Well? What happened? I mean, I don't mind you being late, as long as you tell me why that is.”

“Ummm… yeah about that, i really am sorry. Especially because i’m the one that needs help, and i should have told you but coach doesn’t let us use our phones in practice, which i mean makes sense right because water and technology don’t exactly mix well… and i’m rambling” his face is tainted with pink, as the boy looks down, playing with the ends of the papers to his notebook, and you can’t help but smile at him. It was kind of cute, not that you’d ever tell him that. “But either way, I’m here and if you need to leave early that’s totally cool too, i mean i don’t expect you to stay longer than we said, but if you can stay that’d be nice to because i really have no idea what the hell is going on in class, and i'm trying”

“Jeno” you say his name, and it’s almost a whisper, but he doesn’t look up, too busy folding and unfolding the papers that are beneath his hands, so you try again this time a little louder and stronger “jeno”. He looks up, the faintest hint of a smile on his lips, and you smile at him, “it’s okay, i’m not mad about it” a laugh escapes your lips as the boy’s mouth slightly falters, “now” you prepare the worksheets you’d prepared based off the material he had texted you he needed help with, “let’s get started with these redox equations”

The following hours are a constant of you talking about how redox reactions occur, when one of the compounds gives an electron only for the other compounds to gain electrons. A series of giving and taking, as bonds are formed to create a harmony between the compounds and elements to form a balanced equation. 

For the most part jeno is quiet, trying to understand and digest the information you give him, and the more he asks you questions about how come water can be both amphoteric and amphiprotic the more the both of you relax and begin to enjoy each other's company. You aren’t quite sure when, but all too soon do you hear the librarian telling you two, the last living inhabitants in the library that library hours are closed. It wasn’t that the two of you were doing chemistry anymore,  that had ended a couple of hours ago, when neither you nor jeno deemed to be in the mood to continue with school work. Jeno nodded as the librarian told you it was time to leave, while you told her to give the two of you a couple of more minutes in order to pack up. The lady that tended to scold everyone in the library, or at least she’d always scold you for bringing in your loud roommate and spending more time with your textbooks than actual beings, simply smiled at the two of you nodded, a “close when you’re done” was heard as she walked away. 

“You really have never swam before?” jeno asks you again, for what seems to be the tenth million time, and you nod your head. 

“It’s not that i’ve never been in water, i just have never you know swam laps around a pool,” you can feel heat rush to your face and look away, fiddling with your pen that, and jeno grabs your hand, which you are confused by that is until he pulls you up. 

“It’s settled” he says, a dork-like smile plastered across his face, which varies differently from your confused one, “im teaching you how to swim”. The noise you make is a mix between a sigh and an ugh, but you let yourself be dragged out of the library. 

“It’s not that I don't know how to swim” you protest, jeno’s hand still resting on your wrist. 

“But have you swam at our pool?” the question is teasing and a smile begins to grow, at the banter the two of you are having, shaking your head. 

“I’m taking you to the pool, and i’m going to teach you how to swim” the smile that spreads across jeno’s face is impossible to say no to. Eyes gleaming with joy, and hope, the hand on your wrist closing in a little, and as he’s about to drag you to the swimming pool, which you’re almost sure is closed at this hour you stop. 

“As much as I would love to go swimming at 10 at night, we have classes tomorrow” the tone is your voice isn’t as strong as you wanted it to be, because spending more time with the dork in front of you would honestly help with the stress that was college but the stress would only amount if you didn’t complete the assignments you had due tomorrow. 

Jeno turns to face you, the smile replaced by a pout, as he tries to convince you that it would be fun, but you wouldn’t budge. Well you were about to change your mind as say fuck it to the papers you had due tomorrow, until your phone almost at 0% buzzed, and you saw the lost calls and messages that flooded your phone. Though they mostly consisted of your roommate yelling at you asking where you are and then changing to her telling you she was going out for the night, to your parents asking how the exams had gone. 

Buzz. buzz. Buzz. it was almost as if you couldn’t shake the feeling of the plastic box in your hand, reminders of everything you had to, wanted to achieve. Jeno waited patiently for your reply, eyes soft, the pout slowly turning into a smile. 

Your phone buzzes again, and dies out. I guess that means something. You turn towards jeno, phone shoved in your back pocket, “fuck it” you smile, “let’s go swimming”

“Fuck yes” is what you hear before the two of you are rushing towards the athletic department.

Flickering. The bonds between two people, flicker as they try to work their way toward each other. In which one movement, one decision or thought might push them farther apart or closer together. 

The sign in front of you reads CLOSED but Jeno doesn’t seem to mind it as he grabs keys from his pocket, and opens the door holding it open for you as you pass into the pool, a look of confusion flickers through your face, and jeno smiles. 

“Captain privileges. I get the keys, because I close up most nights either way” he says, and though it’s almost pitch black he walks without hesitation knowing exactly where the light switch is. The lights inside the room flicker, the bright white that comes from the led lights blinds your eyes slightly before they adjust. And you are left in awe at the university's pool. 

It’s not that you’d never been to the pool, but everytime you did go, it had always been filled with too many yelling bodies that would raise up and chant the school’s name over and over again. The room always felt too hot, too sticky as your clothes clung to your body from the humidity created by the pool water. What was supposed to be an olympic sized pool, would feel like a kiddy pool when meets would occur, from the packed beings that were there to watch the races, to the teams that would come to race, always felt like too much. So when the lights flickered on, creating a small halo on jeno’s black hair, you were in awe at the size and beauty of the pool’s structure. 

The glass windows that aligned one of the pools walls, gace view to the twinkle stars that would dim in and out every second. Spots that were reflected on the pool, that you were almost sure stretched for miles, but was promised by jeno it was just a regular 50 meter pool. The two of you walked closer to the edge of the pool, shoes discarded by the entrance as you dipped your feet into the water, the cold feeling of water on skin shocked you for a second before the sensation became a more soothing feeling. It seemed impossible to wipe the smile that grew more as you looked around the swimming pool, the silver bleachers that tended to be stretched out onto the marble floor were put away, creating an illusion of a much larger floor than there really was. 

In all the time that you looked around, awe and fascination written over your face as you looked around the swimming pool, Jeno wondered if you’d never seen the pool, but then realized he had. Not often but he would see your face, every once in a while, a sign with the school's name as you cheered for the swim team, your roommate next to you. It was a shame, he thought that you had never seen the pool how he saw it. At night when no one could nag him about how his arms should be more stretched out, and his hands shouldn’t be as tense but be shaped into a more cupped form so that he cut off some time of his 200 IM. It was moments like this, where he could just admire the water, and see other people fall in love with the water that he remembered why he loved to swim so much, and it helped that you looked cute with your feet only slightly in the water, mouth slightly agape as you took in everything around you. 

Splash. And droplets of water are all over you, making pieces of your shirt stick to your skin. The water beneath you ripples and before you can take your feet off, you can feel a tug by your hand, breaking the trail of thoughts as you look down. The action happens too fast, but one moment you’re sitting by the edge of the pool, and the next you’re underwater. Cold water settles around you, the initial shock of water against your warm skin wearing off as you pull yourself up, breaking the surface of the pool. The curse is on the tip of your tongue, but your eyes can’t seem to find the boy who pulled you in. Turning from one side to the other, twisting a frail attempt you guess to find jeno, who has dived deep into the bottom of the pool. 

It’s been a minute, and you're about to leave the pool slightly in panic until you feel arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you against a warm body. Laughter fills your ears, as jeno spins you around, pulling you both to the shallow area. You can feel your body heat up, cheeks overly warm by the feeling of jeno’s arms around you. 

“What the fuck?” you whisper yell, as you turn around to find the black haired boy, whose hair is almost long enough to fall in front of his eyes, laugh. His eyes, turning into beautiful small moons, that make your heart slightly flip, the cold shock of water no longer there. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice is slightly puzzled but joyous, and he can’t seem to stop himself from looking at your smile, your eyes, the way that even though your tone suggests your mad at him he finds you adorable. No, she’s not adorable. She’s just a girl, a girl that is really smart and doesn’t throw herself at you. No, no, no. 

“Earth to jeno !” you snap your fingers in front of him, and it seems to do the trick as his eyes seem to focus back on you, a small “huh” escapes his lips and you can’t help but laugh, as you splash water towards him. The smile on his face, springs back up, drops of water adorning his nose, and eyes as gravity pulls them back to their resting place, in the midst of other bonds between hydrogen and oxygen. 

The way you tilt your head to the side, eyes gleaming with delight as jeno laughs, splashing water towards you, the start of a small water fight between a swimmer and chemistry lover. 

Chemical bonds work in mysterious ways. A collision between one particle and another has to be precise, exact and the particles must be able to fit each other, and shaping itself to make the other a suitable compound. Bonds that form between compounds can become radiant, strong and vibrant but dangerous to those around it. Hydrogen and oxygen when bonded together, though different slowly build each other up. The splash of water against one’s skin, the way a drop fall’s down slowly on the other’s eye. Successions of bonds that form with each other, creating a picture of carefree ness. Or at least that’s what it seems to be at the beginning. 

 Winter rolls around and the study sessions continue. They become a routine, a part of your day that much as you hate to admit, is the favorite part of your day. Meeting with Jeno in the midst of the library, books and notes of scribbled drawings and letters filling up at least one table, as jeno listens to you ramble about chemistry. In return, for tutoring Jeno always brings you hot chocolate, a drink that never fails to bring you comfort especially when the wind is picking up speed and the first flakes of snow drift towards the ground. 

You can’t exactly recall how many times you tell the raven haired boy that payment isn’t necessary, that you truly are just tutoring in order to help him, but the boy refuses. He loves to see the way you wrap your hands around the mug, as you relax from the burdensome day you’ve had. 

The swim meets that you used to, though not detest, not love either begin to be more frequent in your life. Louds cheers and shrieks fill the pool deck, as the school's swimmers race against the opposing team. Chlorine fills your nose, humidity makes your skin sticky and heavy but you are part of the screaming students that yell and cheer for the school's team. The poster you created in the spare time between homework and lectures, has “go jeno '' written on it, and even though you two don’t talk after the meets jeno smiles everytime he sees you in the crowd cheering for the team and him. His smile as his best friend describes it, is that of a lovestruck one, which Jeno refuses to acknowledge or believe, because there was no way he could be in love with you. The two of you were friends. Friends that laughed together, and talked about anything that was on your minds late into the night, and would have late night swims after hours when the pool was closed down. 

Jaemin knows the power love has on people, and he’s sure that jeno is in love with the girl who’s been tutoring him since the beginning of the year. He knew, because jeno’s face would light up everytime he saw you in the bleachers. He knew like the rest of his friend group knew, that he would mention you in conversations when something they were talking about would remind him of you. Jaeming knew the bond that had formed between the two of you was something he thought jeno wouldn’t be able to have, but managed to get from you. The only thing Jaemin wished, was for his best friend to realize the luck he had gotten from meeting you. 

It’s spring and you’re almost sure at this point that Jeno doesn’t need any more tutoring, as he comes into the cafe you decided to meet up, the smile that seems to brighten your day no matter how windy and rainy it is outside. Jeno almost runs to you, the paper in his hand flailing slightly behind him, as he tells you how he’s passed. Proudly does he show you the graded exam paper on organic chemistry, the perfectly drawn bonds to each other, earning him the highest grade in the class. You can’t help but jump up from your seat, the chocolate on your mug almost tipping over as you wrap your arms around jeno, congratulating him over and over again. 

Jeno’s smile widens, as he wraps his arms around you, lightly you slightly off the ground until you are slightly dizzy and are asking him to bring you down. The joy from your face never leaves, as the words of congratulations and happiness left your mouth. It’s only when your smile falters slightly, that jeno’s does too, the giddiness and butterflies he continues to refuse to acknowledge leaving as you sit down again. 

“So…” 

“So…” jeno mocks, trying to lighten the mood just lightly, and he manages to make the ends of you lips curve up slightly. 

“So, i guess you don’t need my help anymore” the words leave your mouth like lead, heavy on your tongue, as you look down at your hot chocolate willing the coming dread to go away. 

“Well, no, I still need help” the look you give him makes him move slightly his back hitting the back of the chair, “okay… maybe i don’t need help on how bonds form and break, but…” Jeno fumbles over his words, nit really sure what he wants to say. That he wants to keep seeing you? That he honestly had stopped needing tutoring sessions a while ago, but he kept asking for them because he loves spending time with you. Loved to see you smile and his dumb jokes, as your eyes would light up with vague amusement, lips curling upwards as your laugh drifted through the library. Wanted to tell you that he had never felt this way for someone else, had never let them see the vulnerable side of him, his insecurities as the two of you held onto each other lightly through a link between your hands as you floated in the school's pool. 

“But… i guess this is goodbye” you can feel the word, slip through your tongue, the world goodbye piercing through your heart, bricks dropping on you. You’re not quite sure why you say goodbye, why you want to hug the boy in front of you, and kiss him and hold him and tell him how much you love him. But oh shit that’s exactly why you’re pushing him away. Why as much as your heart aches, to hold onto the good memories scared of the ones that could leave the bonds to break between you two. 

Jeno can almost swear he can feel his heart drop down to his stomach. The words that escape your lips, as you play with the sizzling hot beverage in front of you, not daring to look up at him. His throat feels clogged, and he wants to yell, scream, hold you for reasons he can’t quite understand, and finally tell you what jaemin has been telling him this whole time. How very much head over heels for you he is, the bonds clicking into place every time he’s held your hand, as he taught you how to swim lightly in the pool. 

The black haired boy, whose eyes are usually warm and open, are now dark. The brown almost becomes dark enough to blend with the pupils, as he takes a breath. 

“Um… yeah i guess it’s goodbye” the words drop heavy between the two of you. Gazes not met, and hearts left cold as Jeno gets up, the paper he’d been so happy and excited to tell you about forgotten as it drifts towards the floor. Falling quietly and softly, wrinkled between the hands of jeno as he hugged you what seems to be hours ago. 

Hydrogen bonds break the easiest. The strength between the two oxygen and the single hydrogen can only take so much pressure between them before something tips it off scale, breaking the bond. A relationship that has been built, slowly, through awkwards laughs, and shared notes. A bond, built on chaotic swims at 12 o’clock at night when neither of you could sleep, and just wanted to spend more time with each other. 

Relationships,  you are almost sure at this point work much like chemical bonds. Yet unlike chemistry, the bond that you had built with jeno, doesn’t warn you of the heartache and void you feel when you don’t get the weird jokes the boy sends you everyday, it doesn’t tell you of the loss of heat that would come from the steaming cup of chocolate always there for you wherever you had a bad day. Chemistry doesn't warn you about the way your heart craves the missing piece that you pushed away, thinking it would hurt more when the day would come that he didn’t want you anymore. Lectures and notes on notes about covalent bonds, don’t want you how jeno made you feel, as his black hair tickled your neck when he rested his head on your shoulder when he didn’t want to study anymore, or the way he snuggled closer to you as you played with his hair. 

Bonds. Weak and strong, beautiful and dangerous, destructive and hopeful. 

The next month passes in a blur of lectures and night spent overworking yourself into the essays and labs given to you by professors. All-nighters became more frequent than normal sleep nights, to the point where your roommate would have to force you to go to sleep, even as she came in late at night smelling slightly of booze or cigarettes from the campus party. 

It wasn’t a secret that you had tutored the top boy at your college to anyone. Most if not all students that desperately wanted to grab at any gossip that might be thrown their ways, would snatch up the news of the school's swimmer and top bachelor as fast as they could. Whispers of a relationship that never happened, and would only happen in your dreams, could be heard at almost every lecture. Murmurs that would make you walk straighter, chin held high at the comments of a story they didn’t truly know. 

Buzz. buzz. Metal and plastic vibrates against your desks, shaking the scatter of papers that are clumped around your workspace. You flip it around, only to see crescent moons, and a mop of black hair on your phone, as jeno’s phone number flashes in and out of the screen. Instinctively, you reach for the phone, hand ready to push the “answer” button and it’s too late when you realize that you’ve answered the phone, and a silence of crackling noises is heard from the opposite end. Silence seems to fill the room, the air you breathe and you're about to hang up until you hear the bickering between two boys. A stream of curses flow from what you can almost swear is jeno’s mouth, as the other boy speaks into the microphone, “is this y/n” 

“Uh… yeah, and you are?” the second part of your sentence, your almost sure goes unheard as the squeal that comes from the boy’s mouth. The next words that you hear seem to be all mushed up together, as the boy who you have come to assume is jaemin tells you something along the lines of “go. pool. tomorrow. Jeno” before something that sounds like it hurts, is heard from the line and it goes silent. If you were confused about jeno before, you can’t help but wonder now if this is a push towards the bonds to be repaired. 

“y/n !!” disrupts your confused train of thought as your roommate barges into your room, the smirk that is plastered on her face would have made you slightly concerned if it were for her normal happy go personality, that never fails to give you energy. 

“Let me tell you the story of you and a boy named jeno” as the words leave her lips, you start your protests, not wanting to hear about the boy who had become your best friend in the year that you tutored him. 

“Girl, shut up and listen to me” she snaps, almost pinning you down on your chair, and so she does tell you. Tell’s you things that you already know, like the fact that you’re almost sure jeno’s smile could heal anything on this planet, or how he’s shy and sweet, always wanting to be enough for the team. She tells you about the month that has passed, where though you didn’t wallow, jeno had begun to slightly let his grades slip. A small attempt to get you as a tutor yet again. The plan hadn’t worked and he’d gotten renjun ashis tutor instead. 

Stories she shares with you, stories about jeno that you knew, but had pushed away because everytime his name would be brought up your cheeks would flush slightly, and your smile would brighten even just a little bit, butterflies swarming in your stomach. 

Best friends. The sharing between two people, that trust and count on each other. The bond formed between the two is different than that formed between lovers, or siblings. But like everything regarding the formation and breaking of something, these bonds can change into something more. Something that lights up your world if you let, and break down your walls. 

The pool’s doors were open by the time you reached the athletic department. You had thought you’d seen everything, the pool had to offer after your late night swims with jeno. But you’d never seen the full moon at its peak, the light reflected upon the shimmering water. 

Small ripples caused the moon's reflection to waver slightly, a cause of the dipping of your feet into the water, testing the temperature, before you felt a light tap on your shoulder. You could feel the shiver that runs down your back, as jeno’s hands make contact with your skin. The ghost of a smile begins to present itself on your face, as you turn around to find yourself with jeno, whose face is a reflection of yours. Cheeks dusted with a red tint, eyes almost becoming the moon phase that you’d first seen in the pool. 

“hey”

“hey”  

“you first” jeno says, his eyes are warm and are slightly reflected by the moon. The small laugh that escapes your lips, makes his smile broaden, as you turn around and stretch your hand towards jeno. It takes only a second, before you can feel jeno’s hand wrapped around yours, the light calluses on his palms from playing guitar every so often, that warmth a comfort. The ghost of a smile has fully bloomed on your face, as you tug jeno towards you before jumping into the pool. 

Time seems to slow down, the second you two break the surface of water. You know time and movements feel slower when you’re underwater, the smell of chlorine and burning sensation makes your eyes water only slightly. But the bubbles that rise to the surface as you look at jeno, laughing at the ridiculousness of everything that’s happened between you two. 

The faltering bonds begin to form again, stronger than before. Bonds that can't be broken as easily and are ready to create compounds filled with a variation of emotions that work together. The way that you hold onto each other, hand in hand as you break the surface, time coming back at normal speed, as jeno pulls you towards him. Hands still intertwined, as the other holds your waist, a tender touch. The way you look at each other, is enough for the words that have yet to be said and have not been exchanged. 

Smiles exchanged, hands held, foreheads almost touching under the moonlight. It seems to be magic, the way the light bounces off the water and reflects upon the two of you, lovesick smiles placed on both your faces. The warmth of each other, a comforting presence that surrounds the two of you as you take a break, and breathe the words you’ve been dying to say since the day, jeno walked into a late tutoring session, hair dripping wet from a late practice. His words a rush of sorrys and cute shy glances as he gives you a mug, with the words “chemistry of water” written around it. The way his smile made you heart flutter, and just one look would make your day.

 “I love you”

The words hang in the air, said at the same time by jeno and you, and the both of you erupt into laughter, as jeno pulls you closer the, head buried in your shoulder as the strands tickle your neck, the words “i love you” being repeated over and over again.

The way you two fit into each other, in the midst of night, water lapping at your sides, as you laugh at a joke one or the other says, you realize that chemistry and relationships truly are the same. If all it takes is a small push, to help a boy with too much to do, and a student who can’t help but want to expand their knowledge. The bonds between two people change and strengthen, the more they interact with each other. It’s the things like laughing at each other's jokes, or holding onto each other late into the night, when no one else is judging no one can disrupt the bonds formed between them. In those moments, the bonds are strengthened, as you hold each other close, stars and moon aligned in the night sky lighting up the pool, leaving the world at peace.

[crystallineworks]

Don’t Go

Sugawara Kōshi x Reader | Ex High School Sweethearts

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: “I think we should break up.” It was you who said those dreaded words, so why were they haunting you?

A/N: This is very inspired by Daisy and a month in the making so cohesive thought is very hard to come by these days.

The flight back home was filled with unease, a pit forming in your stomach as you knew so many memories would come flooding back. You could deceive yourself while overseas that you’d fallen out of love with him but coming back to Miyagi only reminded you of the perfect dates and fluttering moments instead of the week-long fights that led up to the end of your relationship or how much you resented him-- or at least how much you pretended you did- after the whole ordeal was over. It made sense though, three years of bliss were sure to overcome the strenuous last month here.

You sighed as you hauled your luggage off the conveyor belt, merging back into the crowd headed towards the arrivals gate. It was early in the morning and you hadn’t slept a wink on the flight, but your brain hadn’t caught up with the time change yet. You returned the excited wave your parents directed at you from halfway across the floor with a relieved smile, speeding up your pace to meet them. Your mother instantly held you in an embrace, only lasting an instant as she pulled away to observe how you’ve changed since you left. An arm, your father’s, slung across your shoulders once your hug ended, gently guiding you to the parking lot exit.

“You’ve grown up so much!” your mother exclaimed, a wide smile splitting her cheeks.

“Have I?” you said with a laugh, lifting a hand to the side of your face as if you could feel the difference a couple years has made on you.

The trip back to your childhood home was filled with stories from university on your end and how life has been on your parents’ side. Sunlight was peeking through the blinds of your old room when you finished unpacking, jet lag suddenly catching up to you as you flopped onto your mattress.

You blearily woke up sometime later, your father knocking on your door to tell you that lunch would be done soon only a few minutes after. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you hauled yourself into a sitting position, eyes taking in the memories as your brain started to work again. You stood up without exactly knowing why but you felt a pit in your stomach as you reached for an all to familiar box. It seemed that no matter how much time passed, you’d still be thinking of him. Thumbing through the pictures filled with smiles and beauty marks and shining brown eyes, you wondered if he ever did the same with the pictures he had of you-- that is, he even kept them. You felt dumb for even thinking back on those times, there was no chance you to be happy with him again. You hoped he couldn’t be happy without you either.

Your hand froze as something dry and flat grazed your touch. True love. With a shaky breath, you closed the box and headed towards the dining room with a bittersweet taste on your tongue.

The hunt for a job was no doubt difficult, yet another interview passed without any promise of making progress. You couldn’t wait to make it home and change to comfier clothes as you trudged through the streets. There didn’t seem to be any end to the phone calls and copied resumes and you found yourself longing for an easier time. Close friends, simpler days, afternoons listening to squeaks on linoleum and palms hitting spikes and… him.

Memory has a funny way of guiding you as you had mindlessly walked to Sakanoshita, only a step away from triggering the doors’ sensor. You rolled back your shoulders with a sigh, it seemed your stroll down memory lane had been less metaphorical than you originally planned. The doors opened with a whoosh! of cool air and you stepped in before you could psych yourself out of it.

“Long time no see,” a gruff voice called to you from behind the register. It was Ukai, his hair no longer bleached but still pushed back by a wire headband. “How’ve you been?”

You bowed your head to him in greeting, feigning choosing between the nikuman to avoid looking at him. “I’m still adjusting back to life here, I guess. How has everyone been?”

“A lot’s happened, but they’re all still the same as they were in high school. The biggest surprise was when Tanaka actually got Kiyoko to marry him.” He picked up the bun you pointed at with parchment paper and handed it to you, already beginning to ring you up. “I’m doin’ fine too, thanks for askin’.”

“I’m glad you are, coach,” you replied with a small laugh.

“And,” he continued without even looking up, “before you ask he’s doin’ fine too, took him ages but Daichi got him to move on.”

“I wasn’t going to,” you lied breezily, ignoring the itch in your throat as you quickly paid in silence.

It seemed you had to rely on the fact that you’d lived overseas to get a job, teaching English at the elementary school was the only fruitful option you had at the moment. It was your first day and the kids were nice enough as you guided them through sounding out the syllables and tracing the letters, but you still felt tired as you stepped into the break room-- before feeling a flush of regret. He’d already met your eyes so there was no hope of pretending this didn’t happen. The blankness in his stare felt like it was festering inside you, nothing like the adoring glances as he handed you half bouquets or held your hand or laid in your lap.

“Sugawara-san.” It felt weird to say his name after so long, and formally at that, but it felt even worse for him to do the same to you. You hadn’t realized that seeing him again would have to be like meeting him as a stranger again and you hated how much you longed to close the gap that you had forced between yourselves and wanted to feel the familiarity there had once been.

An awkward silence permeated the air as you sat on opposite sides of the room, trying so desperately to ignore each other’s presence. You decided that you hated it, that you never wanted to feel this again. You were grateful as more teachers pooled in, some greeting you before heading over to chat with Sugawara while others remained to get to know you. Hearing his laughter made your heart twist and you were suddenly very aware that it would be a long year, a burning sensation lighting in your lungs.

You couldn’t count how many nights you spent hating that you were falling in love with him all over again, but it didn’t stop the fondness from growing and the burn in your chest from intensifying. All of those nights of feeling like an idiot to still love someone who’d slipped away before you even realized came spilling out after one too many drinks at a company dinner. It was the last weekend before summer break and all the staff had pooled into an izakaya; things only got out of hand when the principal had a few too many and insisted everyone have a few more as well. A small collection of teachers that you had grown close to eventually brought him up and your slipping filter let through that you’d been together for most of high school and the fact that your heart had never quite moved on. There was a small moment of cheers, some insisting that you repeat everything to him, but you refrained. You knew why you couldn’t.

“Did things not end well? He seems like he’d be so sweet as a boyfriend,” one of your nosy seniors prodded.

“He was,” you stared down your glass. “But it’s not his fault he fell out of love.”

A silence quickly spread and you felt your throat close.

“He used to give me flowers before every date. His favorite were daisies, said they meant true love.”

As everyone began filing home, one of your friends (one of the few people who refused to drink that night) insisted you all carpool home for safety. Waiting for everyone to get situated in the car before entering yourself, you could see a head of gray hair from around the sedan. You had half a mind to walk up to him, say something to him, finally ask him why, until you heard a voice you’d only encountered once before, this time layered with admonishing worry than adoration towards a gray-haired colleague, though their laughter rang through the air just before the slam of a car door.  The itch in your throat turned into a cough, you brought your elbow to your face as it racked your body three, four more times. Your coworkers sounded off their concerns you might have a cold. You insisted you didn’t.

You fell into your barely moved-into house, taking the time to chug a glass of water and refill it before traipsing towards your bed. The itch in your throat insisted even as you felt your tired eyes droop.

Petals covered your bathroom floor, hangover made worse by the way the dreaded white things kept forcing their way up through coughing fits. Sobs filled the space and you mindlessly swiped beneath your eyes when you weren’t clawing at your lungs. It felt like an eternity before you gasped enough air, the spasming in your lungs finally stopping. Groaning, you shakily stood against the wall and reached for a broom. You made up your mind.

You hated yourself for this, hated the cold sweat that wouldn’t stop, hated the taste of daisies on your tongue, hated your own heart for only beating for him after all this time. The irony was not lost on you as the dainty flowers growing in his front garden stared at you, the same flowers he’d once presented to you with an endeared smile and the same flowers you’d swept up. Taking a deep breath, you knocked.

His surprise was evident as he answered the door, in his eyes, in the way he said your name, in the way his mind seemed to be working a mile a minute to find something to say. “I thought you still hated me.”

“The issue is that I don’t think I ever could.” The confused stare you received in response tightened your chest. It felt dumb, confessing to him all over again. “I know you stopped feeling things for me years ago, but I still love you, no matter how much I wish I could stop. I just thought you should know, but you don’t have to do anything about it. Just… make sure you get your happy ending soon.”

And you knew with those words that your love for him would be the end of you. A fool in love, even to death.

[kaleidescope-writes]

Winters Mistakes--Chapter Three: The Headache

Biker!Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Hangover, Mentions of alcohol, Shirtless Bucky

Please read Author’s Note for Posting Info. 

Masterlist

The sun peeked through the curtains of your room. There was an orange-ish yellow glow resonating in the white walls of the room. You opened your eyes, regretting it immediately as the brightness of the room hurt your head. You were hungover. Great. You tried to remember what happened, how many drinks you had, how you got home. Everything was a blur. The only thing you remembered was being entranced by those steel-blue eyes. The only thing you could remember is getting lost in those eyes all night, dancing, drinking, laughing. You never looked away from them, and frankly, you didn’t want to. 

You opened your eyes, trying again, but it only hurt you more. Your head felt hazy and pained at the same time. Part of you cursed Nat for letting her convince you to have a girl's night in which drinking was a must. Deciding the pain wasn’t going to go away on its own, you got up from the bed, keeping your eyes closed. You navigated through the room by memory, not daring to open them just yet. Walking out into the hall, you began to squint, trying to get used to the brightness of the morning hour. You made your way to the kitchen, mind set on water to relieve the buzzing in your head, even if it helped only a little. You got to the fridge, opening it and taking it the first water bottle you saw. This was going to be a long day. 

Bottle in hand, you began to make your way back to the room, praying you'd get at least an additional hour of sleep. Walking past the door, you closed it behind you and made your way to your bed. As you stood a foot away from the bed, you noticed something under the covers on the opposite side. The intruder began to shift under the sheets. It was a someone. Your stomach dropped to your knees as the water bottle slipped out of your hand. You stared wide-eyed at the man that was now looking at you directly in the eyes.

"Good morning Doll."

You stood there in shock. Blue eyes was in your bed. Shirtless, groggy, and in your bed. You just stood there, looking deep into his blue eyes. Damn those eyes. “See something you like?” he asked, uncovering more of his bare chest with a smirk. You looked away, unable to look at him anymore for fear you’d stare too long at his god-like figure. You hear him chuckle, seeing the sheets move from the corner of your eyes. “How did you get here?” you asked, still looking away from his perfect figure. 

“I got you here,” Bucky replied, “You were too drunk for me to leave you alone, so I brought you home. I was going to leave, but you asked me to stay and after the night we shared, I just couldn’t refuse.” You gave him a look of shock, to which he responded with a wink and a lip bite. You looked away again, “So, did we, um… Did we um.. What did we do?” you asked, trying to find the words to say. “Did we have sex?” he finished in an amused voice, “As much as I would have enjoyed it, no we didn’t. I may be a biker, but I have class and I know how to respect a woman.” He walked over to you and took your hand in his larger, metal hand. “I know we just met last night, but I wanna do this again,” Bucky muttered, smiling, “But maybe with fewer drinks so we can both remember the night.” You sighed, looking up at him. He was giving you that look. The same look that he’d been giving you all night. The look that made you want to indulge in every ounce of him. 

You cleared your throat, looking away from him again. “Maybe,” you muttered, trying to pull your hand away from his. You took a step back, looking at anything but the man in front of you. You feel him stare at you intensely before hearing his voice speak up, “Was it something I said?” Looking at him in confusion, you hum slightly as if encouraging him to explain. “Did I say or do something to make you lose interest or am I less charming now that you’re sober?” He asked in a small, slightly defeated tone. “No, no,” you sputtered, finally being able to look at him, “It’s not that. You’re great, really! I just don’t want things to be weird after last night. And you’re still shirtless.” Looking down to his chest, you heard him chuckle again and you swear you felt your stomach flip. “If it’s me being shirtless that bothers you, I could just put my shirt on,” he offered, looking around the floor for that unnecessary item. 

“No, it doesn’t bother me,”

“So you prefer me shirtless,” he smirked.

“No, that’s not what I said, I just...” you sighed, “I don’t know what to say now.” You looked at the floor, trying to ignore how hot your face suddenly felt. Bucky put both hands on your shoulders, causing you to look up at him. “How about we start from the beginning? We can get to know each other over breakfast, my treat,” he smiled warmly. Every little thing he did made you want to be around him longer. “I’m not sure I want to go anywhere with this headache,” you refused, suddenly remembering the headache. Bucky raised an eyebrow, “I never said we should go out. I can make breakfast for the both of us.” 

“I’m not leaving you in my kitchen alone, I barely know you,” you laughed, letting yourself relax. “Well, then I guess you’ll just have to join me. While I make us something to eat, we can get to know each other better.  Maybe I can find out what you like so I can take you out on a date,” Bucky offered. You smiled, turning to the door and making your way to the kitchen for the second time this morning, Bucky following close behind. 

The kitchen was filled with the delicious smell of whatever Bucky was making. You sat on one of the stools behind the counter, watching him maneuver around the kitchen. “So who goes first?” he asked, still paying attention to the stove. You perked up slightly, “I’ll go. How did you become a member of the Avengers motorcycle club?” Bucky covered what he was cooking, turning around to face you. “I helped start it,” he replied simply, “When Steve and I were 18 we both decided to get a bike. Our other friends joined in and we made a little club. Back then, we called it the Howling Commandos. After we had somewhat of a fall-out with some of the other members, we split and renamed it as the Avengers. Tony was a part of it before he retired, deciding to open up a bar of our own with his daddy’s money.” You nodded, not taking your eyes off him. He smiled, “My turn. This is going to be a little personal, so if you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to answer. Last night, I heard Nat say something about a guy you’re trying to get over. What’s that about?” You looked away, trying to find the right words to explain to him.

“There was this guy I was dating,” you said flatly, “He started off great, but Nat made me realize he was a serial cheater that wasn’t worth my time.” Bucky nodded, giving you a sympathetic look. You shook off a bad feeling that was slowly creeping up on you. “Since you asked me a personal question, I think it’s only fair I ask you one in return,” you said, “What happened to your arm?” Bucky looked down for a moment, the look he had made you want to take it back. “I was in an accident when we were still the Howling Commando,” he said softly, “I was hit by a truck and I lost my arm in the accident. The settlement was enough to pay for this metal arm and I had enough left over to get a new motorcycle. It’s not flesh and bone, but I can still ride. And it’s a good conversation starter.” You smiled, standing up from the stool and making your way over to him. “It is interesting,” you complimented, “And it adds to your charm.” Bucky laughed, turning back to the food, “I’m glad you’re attracted to it. Now I know that you’ll love all of me when we start dating.” 

You raised an eyebrow, “You’re ambitious.” 

“Maybe, but a guy can dream,” he smiled.

You were going to say something else before you heard a phone ring. Bucky took his phone out of his pocket, turning the stove off as he pressed the speaker button. “Hey Steve,” he answered as he began to serve the food on two separate plates. “Hey, Buck. Listen, Tony wants us to go clean up the bar. After you left, someone thought it was a great idea to start juggling beer bottles,” Steve said through the line. Bucky sighed, shaking his head as he handed you a plate of food. “Fine, I’ll be there in 30,” Bucky said, picking his phone back up. “Alright, man. Bring your lady, the guys wanna celebrate after we clean up,” Steve added. You laughed softly, “Cute, but I’m not his lady.” Bucky gave you a look of fear, making you feel slightly confused. “Steve,” he said in an uneasy voice, “Celebrate what?” 

There was silence on the other line for a while. There was a sigh before Steve spoke up, “We need to talk before you meet up with the other guys.” His voice seemed concerned and it made you worry.

“Bucky,” you asked unevenly, “What happened last night?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: So this was long overdue. Thanks for your patience, I promise I’ll post more often. For now, the plan is to post a new chapter every Monday and Thursday. Now that the semester is over, I can post more frequently. Anyway, What did you think? Feel free to comment or message me as feedback is appreciated and encouraged! Chapter 4 is scheduled for Thursday, June 18th. Pride Shots will continue tomorrow as well as Not a Fairytale Chapter 2. Earlier today, I reached 200 followers! I’m just... I’m at a loss for words! Thank you all so much for all this support. It means the universe to me!!! I’m searching my brain for words to express how much I wanna thank you all, but I’m at a loss for words!! Thank you all so much for all this, I couldn't have made it this far without you guys!! Thanks again for everything!! Anyway, I hope all is well in your little corner of the world!! I wish you all the very best for today, tomorrow, and all year long. Stay Safe, be careful, Stay Proud, and I love you. 

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[kpophours]

One Love || part VI

➵ SF9: Youngbin x fem. reader / series, werewolf AU / fluff

➵ warnings: none

➵ word count: 2.9k

previous. | next.

Driving home that night, Youngbin knew he would have to talk to Inseong - the time had finally come. 

The first date with you had been absolutely perfect, everything was just so... easy when it came to you. You seemed to just accept him, with all his flaws and antics and sometimes probably strange behaviors. He was still in complete disbelief over the fact that he had actually told you about Mina - and on your first date, at that. 

You were truly just perfect, at least in his eyes.

And your first kiss…

Youngbin couldn’t help but smile, his lips tingling with the mere memory. The wolf inside him was purring too, happy and content after spending an entire evening in your sole company. 

The alpha sighed deeply, getting out of his car and walking towards the farmhouse. Some of the windows were still brightly illuminated, which wasn’t really surprising even though it was already long after midnight. Youngbin was sure that most of his brothers had stayed awake just to immediately ask him about his night. It wasn’t unusual for Youngbin to spend some nights away from home - mostly at his repair shop -, but all his pack members had somehow known that tonight was different. Even the most oblivious and indifferent member of his pack - aka Chani - had silently observed his alpha getting ready earlier this night, his expression questioning and almost suspicious. Youngbin couldn’t blame any of them as he himself wasn’t even sure when he had last worn such nice clothes - and perfume. 

So, he had basically known from the very beginning that the others would ask him about his night as soon as he would return home. Which meant that right now, he readied himself to be interviewed - or more like, bombarded with questions - as soon as he would enter the house. 

… And he was proven right. Immediately after opening the front door and stepping into the hallway, Dawon practically pounced on him, grabbing his arm and pretty much dragging his alpha into the living room where everyone else was already assembled, sprawled on the floor or sofas. 

Youngbin sighed inwardly and looked at his pack members, who were all gazing back at him with round, curious eyes. Inseong was the only one not looking at him right now; he simply stared down at his lap where he was fiddling with his hands. His expression wasn’t giving anything away - which was a rather alarming sign as Inseong’s face was usually an open book.

“Where were you?”, Chani finally asked, and Youngbin’s lip twitched. Of course the others would make their youngest ask him about his night; everyone knew he had a very soft spot for Chani. 

“I was out.”, Youngbin answered, crossing both arms in front of his chest and leaning against the wall, pressing his lips together in an attempt to keep himself from smiling. “The details! I’m stunned.”, Dawon immediately huffed in a rather annoyed voice, “Care to tell where exactly you were?”

“Or why you smell of Y/N?”, Jaeyoon added, a smirk on his lips. 

Youngbin felt his jaw tick at the mention of your name. “I want to talk to Inseong first. Alone.”, he finally replied, curtly shaking his head when he saw Rowoon opening his mouth in protest, “And that’s not debatable.” 

The pack just sat there, frozen for a few seconds, before everyone got up, muttering a few curses and glaring at their alpha until even the last one had finally filtered out of the room. 

“And no eavesdropping!”, Youngbin yelled after them, making Hwiyoung roll his eyes at him before he finally closed the door. 

The alpha sighed again and turned around to face Inseong who was still sitting on the couch, not having moved a single muscle. But now, his gaze was trained on his alpha, eyes dark and face unmoving. “I-”, Youngbin began, but the older man interrupted him immediately: “So, Y/N is your mate.”

Youngbin closed his mouth again, taking a deep breath before finally nodding slowly.

Inseong just sighed, tiredly rubbing his face before getting up and walking towards his alpha. “That’s what I thought. I… I wish you all the best, I truly do. This is the Universe’s will, after all.”, he then said, gently patting the smaller man’s shoulder, “But you could have told me about this from the very beginning, you know? I know that… well, what happened with Mina wasn’t your fault. And it was unfair of me to blame you for it and… and to treat you the way I did. I want you to know that we will always be a pack and that you will always be my - our alpha. But you’re also my friend, and that will never change. I’ll always have your back, I promise.” After finishing his little speech, Inseong began to smile, and Youngbin returned it immediately, relieved, giving him a slightly awkward yet tight hug. “Thank you, Inseong. This truly means a lot.”, Youngbin said when he pulled back again, and the other man just grinned and shrugged. “I had to get this off my chest. And now go and tell the rest that you’ve finally found your match - uh, I mean, mate, of course.” His dark eyes glinted mischievously, reminding Youngbin once more of a cunning fox rather than a wolf. He just nodded at his older brother. “Pray for me.” 

But Inseong just laughed before he opened the door - making all his younger brother topple over themselves and into the room, obviously having pressed their ears against the door to listen in on their older brothers’ conversation. 

Youngbin just sighed very deeply, raising one eyebrow. “Well, it seems like I don’t need to repeat myself after all.”, he said, half amused, half exasperated. 

Dawon just gave him the thumbs up, while the others at least had the decency to look slightly apologetic - or, in Chani’s case, sleepy. 

The next few weeks seemed to pass in a blur. 

You and Inseong had begun to work tirelessly on your research project and were actually making good progress - you were even invited to present your results at a conference which would be held in a few months. On top of that, you were also finally able to focus on finding a research topic for your doctor’s thesis, reading piles of books and often staying up until midnight or even later.

Besides work, you also spent a lot of time with Youngbin - your relationship developed rather quickly, which was almost a bit scary to you. It truly felt like you had known him for months or years already, not just a few weeks. Everything was just so… easy with him, and he just understood you so well and on such a different and deep level - none of your past partners had ever managed this before. 

Your favorite dates with Youngbin were your weekly movie nights, sometimes with, sometimes without the others. You also tried to visit him at the repair shop as often as you could, helping where you could (well, or distracting him). At least once a week, Youngbin stopped by your office and had lunch with you and Inseong; their relationship seemed to get better with every passing day as well, which made you very happy. The little restaurant where Youngbin had taken you on your first ever date had quickly become one of your favorites, and all the staff members knew both your names by now. 

You also began to spend a lot of time with Dawon and Jaeyoon, who were slowly becoming your closest friends. A few weeks into getting to know everyone, you also finally met their girlfriends and both immediately invited you over at their place to spend some girl time with them. Ava and you instantly clicked as you shared the same taste in music and books, and Kate was also very sweet - and rather quiet, which seemed to balance Jaeyoon’s loud and slightly eccentric personality quite well. 

All in all… life was pretty much perfect, and you hadn’t been that happy in a long time. 

“You’ll be here at around 9pm, right?”, your boyfriend asked you once again, making you giggle and roll your eyes in a playful manner. “Yes, Youngbin. Don’t tell me you’re already getting forgetful, how old are you again?”, you replied teasingly, mindlessly doodling something on the notepad in front of you. Youngbin at the other end on the line huffed, and you laughed again. “I’m just teasing you, old man. And I have to hang up now, our meeting is going to start soon.”, you said, and he sighed sadly. “Okay, I should get back to the cars as well. I’ll see you later, my love.” 

As always, your heart skipped a beat at his nickname for you, and you couldn’t help but smile. “See you later, Binnie.”, you answered softly and disconnected the call. 

Inseong, sitting opposite you, cleared his throat, a small smile playing on his lips while he lifted one eyebrow in a teasing manner. “Don’t you dare say anything.”, you just mumbled, quickly hiding behind a book, and making him chuckle. “I wasn’t going to.”, he answered lightly, and you huffed. “Mhm, sure.” You could almost feel his smirk.

To be honest, it had been a bit… awkward and weird at first; to go out with your bosses’ roommate and friend - especially after you had walked in on Inseong showering once. Your ears were still ringing with the mere memory of his ear-splitting scream - you were actually quite impressed by the high note he was able to hit. After a few days of avoiding each other, you had finally established a few rules: 

a) from now on, Inseong would always lock the door whenever he was in the bathroom, 

b) relationship talk inside the office was strictly forbidden, 

c) whatever happen between Youngbin and you was not allowed to impact your relationship with Inseong in any way, 

d) no unnecessary office talk while you were at the farmhouse. 

After agreeing on those four rules, life had definitely gotten easier and less awkward for you both.

“Come on, let’s go or we’ll be late for the meeting.”, Inseong finally said, interrupting your thoughts, and getting up from his desk. You just nodded and quickly followed him out of your shared office space. You really hoped the meeting wouldn’t take too long - because you could hardly wait to see Youngbin tonight.

Sadly, the meeting had been ridiculously long, unnecessarily so, some might say. On top of that, all the talk about calculations, numbers and new projects had given you a slight headache, so all in all, it had been a very long and tiring day. You wanted nothing more than to just sink into Youngbin’s warm embrace, eat something delicious and continue to watch your new murder mystery series - you and Youngbin were quite obsessed with it and you had practically threatened him with a slow and painful death should he ever dare and continue to watch it without you. 

It was already pitch black outside when you finally parked in front of the giant farmhouse - now more of a second home to you -, its illuminated windows making it look very homey and inviting. You smiled at the sight and quickly got out of your car, hurrying towards the front door and letting yourself in; Youngbin had given you a key soon after you had become his “official” girlfriend. The memory of him handing you the key together with your favorite flowers always managed to cheer you up and make you smile. He truly was the perfect boyfriend, at least for you. 

“Binnie?”, you asked upon stepping into the dimly lit hallway, and before you were able to kick off your shoes, your boyfriend was already skidding around the corner, quickly pulling you in his arms. He playfully nuzzled his face into your neck, leaving small kisses all over your sensitive skin. You giggled and squirmed under his gentle ministrations, until he finally lifted his head, pressing his lips to yours. You hummed appreciatively, wrapping both arms around his neck and deepening the kiss. When you finally broke apart again, your boyfriend smiled at you, dark eyes forming little crescents. “Hello, my love.”, he murmured and nudged your nose with his, making you break into a bright smile as well. “Hi.”, you whispered back, gently brushing some of his hair back and out of his face, making him almost purr at the sensation, both eyes closing. 

He suddenly snapped out of it, startling you, and took a step back, burying both hands in the pockets of his dark jeans. You immediately missed the warmth of his embrace and actually shivered a bit, wrapping both arms around your body and tilting your head to one side, a questioning expression on your face. Youngbin was gnawing on his lower lip, rubbing his face in a slightly exasperated manner. “Uhm… We- I…”, he stuttered, sighing deeply, “I need to talk to you about something rather important.” 

You took a small step back, worry washing over you. “O-okay?”, you replied in a small voice, ducking your head - dark, anxious thoughts immediately beginning to fill your head. 

Was he alright? Was he sick? Or was he... was he maybe going to break up with you?

When Youngbin saw your worried expression, he quickly took a step towards you again, gently taking your clammy hands in his warm ones. “It’s nothing bad, I promise. No need to look like someone died.”, he reassured you playfully, gently tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear and cupping your cheek, “Okay?” 

You took a deep breath and gave him a weak smile, nodding once. 

“Well, let’s go for a quick walk then.”, he finally said, grabbing his shoes and jacket and opening the front door. You quickly followed him into the night again.

It was bitterly cold outside and you were already beginning to shiver a bit. Youngbin walked a few steps ahead of you, strolling towards the line of dark trees surrounding the farmhouse. You bit your lip, gaze darting from left to right, Youngbin’s reassuring words not having done much to help calm your nerves.

Where was he going? What did he want in the forest - almost in the middle of the night?

There were only a few clouds obscuring the night sky tonight, so plenty of stars were twinkling down at you, and the full moon was bright enough to illuminate your path - well, that was until you stepped in between the first row of trees. You hurried to catch up with Youngbin, almost stumbling over some overgrown roots in the darkness. Still, Youngbin didn’t stop, not even looking over his shoulder to check on you. You saw the tightness in his shoulders and the way he was ducking his head; he was obviously completely lost in thought right now, making you even more anxious. 

You finally seemed to have reached your destination - a clearing in the forest, parts of it illuminated by silvery moonlight while others were still hidden in the shadows of the trees. Youngbin stopped in the middle of it, finally turning around to face you again. He gently beckoned you towards him, and you carefully followed his demand, coming to a halt in front of him. He gently took your face between his hands and kissed you sweetly. When he pulled back again, his eyes seemed to glow gold for a second, and you startled, almost taking a step back. 

“There is something important I have not told you so far.”, he finally began to explain, taking a few steps back without breaking eye contact with you, “And it’s… It’s a rather big part of myself - and well, my life in general.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but your boyfriend raised one hand, a silent request. “Please let me finish. I just... have to say this. All of it.” 

You closed your mouth again and nodded. He gave you a small smile before taking in a deep breath. “There is more to this world than most people know - a secret, hidden world within the real one.”

You drew your eyebrows together, beginning to gnaw on your lip. 

What… what was going on?

“I want you to keep an open mind, okay? What I’m going to show you now… Just know that you’re safe. Nothing will happen to you, I would never- nothing will ever hurt you, not with me around, okay?” 

Goosebumps rose all over your body, and you wrapped both arms tightly around yourself - but you nodded, giving Youngbin the signal to continue. 

He inhaled shakily and began to rid himself of his clothes, making you gape. “W-what are you doing?!”, you squealed, quickly closing your eyes and feeling a slight blush creep on your cheeks. 

“It will only take a second, I promise.”, Youngbin answered, tone of voice slightly amused now. You pressed your lips into a tight line, keeping your eyes closed and resisting the urge to steal a glance at your boyfriend. 

Suddenly, you felt rather than heard someone - or something - come to a halt directly in front of you.

Open your eyes, Y/N.

It was Youngbin’s voice but… it - it sounded differently... like it was - inside your head…?

Without knowing why, you suddenly began to tremble - but finally gathered enough courage to open your eyes again.

And then, you screamed. 

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[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #393

i’ve got a shitload of surveys backed up, so... get ready, aha.

Have you ever watched the show Bad Girls Club? No, but I adore the Falling In Reverse song, haha. Have you ever purposely made someone jealous? Not to my recollection, no. What kind of shampoo do you use? It's a Dove one for dandruff and I LOVE it. It makes my hair so silky, smells good, and just feels clean longer. Have you ever been told you were a good writer? Not to brag, but I've been told that my whole life. What name do you think is pretty for a girl? "Alessandra" will ALWAYS be my favorite name. If you had to name your daughter after a Disney princess, which one? Hm. Perhaps Jasmine, or maybe Aurora. Do you think telepathy is real? Nope. When you were little, did you ever think you would be a magician? Not seriously, no, but I was OBSESSED with those little magic kits you could get at the Scholastic book faire. What is your opinion on poetry? It's a beautiful way of expression, and I especially love the figurative approach to it. I truly think writing poetry can even help discover things about yourself. What, if any, TV shows do you have on DVD? I have seasons 1-4 of Meerkat Manor, and you can bet your ass I'll get Season 5 once that's available in that format! Would you rather go in a hot air balloon or go sky diving? Hot air balloon, probs. I'm too scared of sky diving. Homework–would you rather do it on a Friday or Sunday? Friday. I like to get it out of the way the day it's assigned. What cartoon character did you have a crush on as a kid? Ash Ketchum, haha. What video games have you beaten? Loads and loads. Who makes the most in your entire family? I actually don't know. Probably Ashley? She's a mammographer, along with other duties. If a cosmetology class was offered at your school, would you take it? No. Do you think plastic surgery is no big deal? If it's done safely and not overdone to the point it affects your health, you damn well go for it if it helps your self-confidence. Your favourite meal growing up? Spaghetti, or as I called it, "psghetti," haha. How many bedrooms in the house you live in? Three. What link was the closest person to you that’s died? If we're talking humans, Jason's mom. If you wanna include any living being, then absolutely my dog Teddy. Anything about your mum that annoys you? She is ALWAYS right. Doesn't matter what it is. What meal that your mum cooks is your favourite? I don't know. Have you ever tried caviar? Can you explain the taste to me? HELL no. What, in your opinion, will cause the end of the world? The universe itself is infinite. If we're talking Earth, completely eliminated, either a gamma ray or black hole. If your siblings are old enough, what do they do for work? I mentioned Ashley already, and Nicole is a social worker with children. I actually don't remember what my half-siblings do for work. Have you ever been jealous of your siblings? I've been envious of them for sure, absolutely. They're actually doing shit with their lives and seem to have themselves figured out. I gotta admit I'm jealous of how close Ash and Nicole are, too. I want to be the third person, but I'm just... not. We're so very different that it's hard to get as close as I want. Do you prefer a proper restaurant to a fast food place? Depends on what I'm feeling of course, but I think like most people, I have a more quality experience at sit-in restaurants. What is the biggest dream of your life? Photograph and come into physical contact with meerkats (whether they climb on me or I pet them, idc) at the KMP. I WILL cry. What is a country you’d never ever visit? Places like North Korea. Have you ever had any trouble paying your bills? I don't have bills. Do you think life should just hand things to you? No. Would you rather live off government benefits or earn your own money? I desperately want to earn my own money. What type of a survey do you skip altogether? I don't like bolding surveys. I like the opportunity to explain in normal ones like these. Do you get nervous before “meeting the parents”? Yep. Do you own a knife? Not any besides your ordinary kitchen knives. What song do you want played at your funeral? I have a few in mind. "Life is Beautiful" by Sixx A.M. and "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory probably top the list. Do people get shocked by how old you are? I don't know, but probably, given how dependent I am on my parents for like, everything. Do you have any features that people notice right away? As in a mole on your cheek, or a big nose, big teeth, etc? Apparently my lip ring. What's the last compliment you received? The lady that works with me in the TMS office liked my Umbreon shirt. What's the meanest insult you have received? Probably that I'm a martyr (and not in the good way). Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yes. Does your best friend approve of the last person you kissed? They're the same person lmao. Do you have any friends with kids? Yes. I feel like most of my FB friends have kids. What was the last thing you spent your money on? I bought my niece her birthday present. Where did you first kiss the last person you kissed? My back porch. Does your favorite song remind you of anybody? Just America in general. Do you have a member of the opposite sex you’ve told everything to? Jason, pretty much. Do you want any tattoos? If yes, what? Oh hunny, I want LOADS. Are promises important to you? YES. Do NOT promise me shit if you're not planning to keep it for sure. If you’re a girl, do you have big hips? Too big? Well, for one, I'm overweight, so. But if you're talking bone structure and spacing or whatever, then no, I'd say they're average. Girls, do you think you look good in dresses or not? Who says only girls can wear dresses? But regardless, nope. Have you ever taken a pottery class before? No. Have you ever had a period in your life where you were on a major health kick and you were really picky about what you consumed? A few times. Is there anything that you’d never do for any amount of money? There's a good number of things. Do you know what your next injection will be? No. Does anyone call you darling? If so who? Sara sometimes. If you had to have a cartoon character tattooed to you what would it be? If I had to, maybe Pikachu? It'd be a nostalgia thing. You have to dye your hair two colours, what do you choose? Two colors at once? Maybe a pastel mix of pink and purple. Or black with orange highlights and layers? What a Halloween vibe. Ever had something stolen? If so what? Yeah; our basketball hoop was stolen from our yard when I was younger. Do you feel the water in a pool before you get in, or do you dive right in? I feel it. Have you ever touched a squirrel? No. What's better, candles or incense? Incense! When's the last time you’ve smelled a skunk? I'm actually unsure if I ever have. Have you ever used a Ouija board? No. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be a witch? Yes. Does it annoy you when high-schoolers wear Elmo bookbags? Why the fuck would I care? Do you go along with prank-callers, or just hang up? I don’t even answer numbers I don’t know. Would you ever tattoo a lover’s name onto your body? No. Do you own any version of Guitar Hero? I have a lot, actually. Do you use mouthwash every single day? No. Have you ever eaten White Castle burgers? Only those you warm up in the microwave. We don't have the actual restaurant here. What’s the weirdest thing in your body that you can crack? Nothing weird. Do you like chocolate milk? Who doesn't? o: Do you know anyone with asthma? Yeah, my mom. Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? Because she's probably asleep, and we mainly chat on Discord now. Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? Many years ago. Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? Yeah. Do you want to see somebody right now? Yes. Do you currently have feelings for anybody? Yes. When was the last time you changed in front of someone? I'm not sure; especially with how I feel about my body now, I avoid it like the plague. Realistically though, probably Mom, passing by or something. Who did you last fall asleep with? If you exclude my cat, Sara. Think back to the last person you held hands with, would you kiss them? That would be my niece Emerson, and I'd certainly kiss her head. Can you be your complete self around the person you like? She's the only person I feel 110% comfortable being my authentic self around. How many tattoos would you get? I want A LOT. Like, more than I'd keep track of. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None.

[arolla-pine]

The news

A little earthquake in our family started suddenly without any warning. Unintentionally I was the first person to hear about it. To be honest… it was sneaky of me. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop! My mum always told me that eavesdropping was not allowed and an eavesdropper would always be punished somehow. Now I knew she was right – I learnt my lesson…

I’d say that spring of 2015 was a tough time for my family. I’d just finished my final exams in junior high school and my oldest sister, Katie, was preparing for her high school finals. Luckily our parents decided many years ago that my younger sister, Jade, would start school later with a younger class. Otherwise she would also be having her primary school final exams. And that would just be the end of the world!

Three finals at the same time in one family? Way too much!

My exams were nothing new for my parents. They had already experienced Katie’s exams three years ago and my brother, Luke’s, exams last year. But the high school finals was something new. I wasn’t sure who was more worried – Katie or our parents!

One Friday evening at the end of April, I was just passing by the bedroom I shared with my sisters when I heard my mother’s worried voice…

“What to tell the kids?”

I froze.

I knew I shouldn’t be eavesdropping on my parents, but suddenly I felt with all my heart that something very important had just happened. It wasn’t the first time I’d had such an overwhelming feeling that something BIG was happening around me. I called it a hunch with capital “H” – so strong and important it was to me.

I stopped breathing and leaned against the wall.

“Everything will be fine, Alice…” my dad whispered, and I could imagine his arm around my mum.

“But… this will change everything!”

I didn’t know what to think! Mum was always confident and brave. She always knew what to do or say. So was something awful going to happen if she was so worried?

“We’ll be OK, I promise… I’m always by your side, remember?” my dad said, and I almost heard a smile in his voice.

There was silence for a moment, and I was about to leave when mum spoke again…

“Let’s not tell them anything just yet… Katie is studying for her finals… Why should we worry her even more? And Ellie…”

“Katie is stronger than you think, Alice…” my dad replied. “And Ellie has just finished her exams. Besides, it would be better if we started looking for good schools for our kids as soon as possible. And we need to find a new home so you don’t have to travel.”

What did he mean by saying ‘a new home’? Where was mum going to travel to? Was she… was she sick? Were we moving to Krakow or something? To be closer to hospital? I felt my heart miss a beat for a moment in fear.

Then suddenly I felt the opposite thing – my strange Hunch with capital ‘H’. The Hunch that gave me hope, not despair. As if it wanted to calm my fears and anxieties. As if it wanted to tell me that everything was fine with my mum…

I was a little surprised. I’d had maybe ten Hunches so far in my life. Now… I had felt it twice within minutes!

For one moment I wanted to go in to confess that I’d been eavesdropping and ask my mum if everything was OK. But at the same time I felt something inside that made me stay undercover. I went silently back to my room.

“Something’s happened?”, Katie asked me quietly when she saw me.

She was lying in her bed surrounded by piles of books and notes trying to revise as much as possible. Jade was dead to the world sleeping sprawled on the bottom bunk.

“Nope. Why?”

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“It’s midnight, so you never know…”, I muttered, trying to hide my confusion.

“Mmm…”, Katie murmured and focused on her notes again.

I knew she was feeling that tension in the air as well. Maybe she had the Hunches like me. I decided to ask her about it one day.

I climbed up to my bunk determined to fall asleep as fast as possible. But that mysterious conversation of my parents was still ringing in my head and didn’t want to leave me alone. I couldn’t find any logical explanation of my mum’s worries other than her illness. A serious one that needed a move closer to hospital…

“What’s up, sis?”, I heard Katie whisper in my ear.

I looked left. My sister was standing by my top bunk and looking up, concerned. Usually, in tough times, she called me ‘sis’ or ‘girl’. ‘Girl’ was used when I overthought things, but ‘sis’ was saved for Something Big.

We looked at each other for a while.

“I heard our parents talking…”, I admitted finally.

“What did mum tell you about eavesdropping?”, Katie smiled.

“That it’s not allowed. And eavesdroppers are always punished.”

“Exactly”, she nodded, “So what’s keeping you awake?”

“The move. Because of mum. Is she sick?”, I asked before I realised what I was saying.

“I haven’t heard…”, Katie answered quickly, frowning a little. “I’m sure there’s a rational explanation”, she added.

“But mum said everything will change! And she doesn’t know what to tell us!”

“Maybe she’s got a new job? Or maybe the university is going to send her somewhere?”

“You think so?”

I was surprised by another Hunch in my heart. Or maybe it was just hope…

“We’ll see tomorrow. Now sleep! And don’t eavesdrop next time!”

“And don’t you stay awake too long.” I answered back. “It won’t help your exams…”

“Thaaanks…” she smirked. “Someone had to tell me that…”

“I’m sure you’ve already learnt that stuff.”

“Thanks, girl. Now sleep! I’m doing the 1920’s and then I’ll be asleep too.”

“Night.”

“Night, night…”

Talking with Katie always helped me calm down. I felt relief every time I shared my fears with my sister. That night I fell asleep quickly even though minutes before I’d been worrying about mum so much.

But it all came back to me in the morning. It was Saturday so I could lie in for a while and read, but the anxiety and a knot in my stomach reminded me what had happened last night. I wasn’t sure if I was more worried by my mum’s secret or by the inevitability of the confession that I’d eavesdropped…

I glanced at my sisters. Jade was still sleeping and looked like one big mess with hands and legs everywhere. Katie looked like an Egyptian mummy. Weird that we all had mixtures of the same genes! I was wondering how I looked during sleep. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was something in between.

I decided to get up as quietly as possible. I headed to the kitchen because everyone knew that tea was the best cure for sorrows. Always.

Entering the kitchen I froze… seeing my mum sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and a book. She looked up over her reading glasses.

“Couldn’t sleep?”, she asked me with a smile.

Oh, my mum had such a beautiful smile that warmed your heart! All your sorrows went away when she smiled.

“Yeah…”, I muttered, looking away. “You couldn’t sleep either?”

“I always get up so early, honey…”, mum smiled again. “My time for coffee and reading…”

I felt like an intruder. I’d interrupted her! That was terrible!

“What do you want for breakfast?”, she asked me standing up.

“Sit down please, mum…”, I protested instantly, feeling a wave of remorse in my heart. “I can do it.”

“I’m sure you can…”, mum replied and went back to her book.

Now I had no choice – I had to make my own breakfast to save mum the trouble. I tried to be as quiet as possible not to interrupt her any more, but she stopped reading anyway and was watching me. I felt her eyes on my back.

“What’s up?”, she asked finally.

“Where?” I glanced at her.

“Something’s bothering you…”

Suddenly the thought of how Katie was like our mum came to me. And I felt a hint of jealousy. I wish I was like my mum too.

I sat down at the table. My mum put her book down, and with her coffee cupped in her hands she looked at me, waiting. For a moment, it was like an interrogation even though my mum didn’t say a word. She was just waiting for me to talk. And, before I realised what I was saying, I blurted out:

“Why do we have to move house?”

Embarrassment flashed in my mum’s eyes. It was like I’d caught her red-handed.

“How…?” she began but stopped suddenly.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, mum! I promise!”, I assured her. “I heard it by accident! I know I should have told you right away but I felt so confused. And I knew you’d be angry! But I don’t know what to think about all this. Are you ill?”

Everything came out at once before I could stop it. In the middle of my little speech, my mum smiled and reached out. She stroked my tensed hand.

“Everything is fine, darling. I’m feeling OK, don’t worry!”

“S-so… wh-why?”, I stuttered.

“I’ve been trying to get a grant for my research project. Finally, after many years, the university has approved it!”, she exclaimed with sparkling eyes like a little girl on Christmas Eve.

“That’s great, mum!”, I replied, sharing her excitement. Then, a moment later, I was not so sure… “Right?”

“Of course, it’s wonderful! But… You know… The castle is quite far away – more than a hundred kilometres. I won’t be able to travel every day to work. I’ll have to find a place there. That means I’ll have to leave you…”

“But we can all go together!” I suggested immediately.

“Won’t you miss your friends?”

“I’m sure we’ll find a way to keep in touch, mum. You just can’t… You can’t leave us!”

“I don’t have to take the project, you know…”

“The one you’ve been fighting for? For years?”, I asked doubtfully, “We’re all behind you, don’t forget it!”

“You talk like your father!”, mum laughed.

And there it was! I was like DAD! But I wanted to be like MUM! I had to look disappointed because mum stopped laughing and asked:

“Is it bad?”

“What?”

“That you talk like your dad.”

“Well… I don’t know…”, I shrugged.

“Your dad is the most sensible person I’ve ever known.”, mum said, standing up and coming to me. She put her hand on my shoulder and looked in my eyes. “He’s been my support for many, many years. Thanks to him I can follow my dreams. It’s good to be such a person, you know? And I’m glad you’re like him… Now, eat your breakfast. It will be a busy day…”

I smiled. I felt better and went back to eating. And somewhere deep down I felt the Hunch that a new chapter was about to start. One that could bring big changes to our family life…

[et-in-cinerem-reverteris]

Class of 1953 - Chapters 4/4.5 - Louder Than Bombs/Rubber Ring

“Phil, I think you are the strangest person that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Hey, you’re equally weird,” he teases. 

“I know. That’s why I think you’re so wonderful.”

I’m back with my 1950s historical Oxford university AU fic-cum-novella-thing. Sorry I haven’t been posting the chapters to Tumblr! Here are chapters 4 and 4.5 - soon I will be posting chapter 5 (possibly the last chapter!)

Click me to read on Ao3! 

Or keep reading under the cut...

Chapter 4 - Louder Than Bombs

The passing of time, and all of its sickening crimes, is making Phil nervous again.

Sitting sideways at the top of his bed with his feet swinging off the edge like a bored schoolboy, he idly fumbles with the pages of an open book as he stares into space, waiting. 

Last Sunday he had promised Dan that he could use his room as a space to get homework done. Tonight, the gravity of the situation has only just begun to dawn on him. He imagines the scene with a quickened heartbeat; Dan sitting only a foot away, using his chair, working at his desk and writing with his pens, Dan pacing around his room, scrutinising his photographs, flicking through his records and reading the titles of his books. Phil doesn’t know how to prepare himself. Meeting up in public is one thing, but a private visit to his room feels like quite another.

He laughs out loud at himself. Private visit? Dan’s only coming to study for Christ’s sake. 

Speaking of studying, he has his own work to attend to. Lying on his lap is a copy of Beowulf, deliberately planted there to create the impression of a student deeply engaged in a spot of serious reading. Unfortunately for Phil Beowulf has been unable to capture his imagination, and so instead he has spent the last ten minutes or so staring at the contents of his hastily tidied room. His desk is decluttered, his bed has been made, and all the odd pairs of socks have been picked off the floor and put away in preparation for Dan’s visit. 

All is silent bar the low hum of his desk lamp. It’s a quiet Friday evening, and the normally raucous quad now only echoes sporadic bursts of hushed chatter. Tonight’s sky is peppered with clouds that pass the moon at random intervals, periodically obscuring a strange halo that encircles the bright rock in a mysterious reddish glow. The curtains lie wide open, and a streak of moonlight falls on the pinboard opposite his bed. Littered with cinema tickets, clippings from environmental magazines, ripped out pages and uncashed cheques, the most recent addition to the board is a cluster of pictures he took of the photography club on an impromptu walk by the River Cherwell. The top photograph shows Bill squinting at the sun while Mary gives Beth a precarious looking piggyback ride, both of them smiling as John holds his palms up to the toppling ensemble and posing as tourists do next to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Phil remembers how the group of them skimmed stones across the muddy water, competing to see who could get the furthest, until Beth had beat Bill’s expert hand with a fluke stone that skipped so far into the distance that none of them could tell where it had landed. He thinks of that day with a smile. Good times.

*rat-tat-tat*

At last! Springing off his mattress he dashes towards the mirror, spruces up his quiff, takes in a deep breath and opens the door.

“Hallo! Ho-”

Phil is interrupted as Dan comes crashing into the room, stumbling past him and lurching towards the desk as a large pile of books, folders and papers fall from his arms and scatter across the surface in a heap. He releases a long sigh, and then turns around to face his host with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry for bursting in here like that. My arms were starting to get cramped under the weight of all these books, and I had to put them down. Anyway, how are you?” 

“I’m fine but err, quick question,” Phil starts. “Why didn’t you just use a bag?” 

Dan’s smile fades and his eyes glaze over, mouth opening and closing as his brows furrow in confusion. “Now that you mention it, I um, don’t know why on earth I didn’t think of that.” He throws his hands into the air. “God knows what’s up with me.” Embarrassed, he turns around and begins to organise the jumbled papers.

“What’s all this you’ve got here then?” Phil asks, flopping down onto the bed and leaning his back against the wall as he watches Dan.

“It’s mostly some notes about Schubert. We have to study the last few decades of his life, so I bought a few books from home with me that I thought I’d be able to flick through. And um,” he picks up a piece of paper, “I’ve also got to work towards a portfolio of compositions, so really I’ve got a mountain of stuff to do.”

“Sounds daunting.”

“Mmmm.” He sits down in the chair next to Phil’s desk, adjusting the angle of the lamp as he kicks off his shoes. “So,” he continues, turning around, “what are you up to then?”

Phil nonchalantly waves his book in the air. “Just Beowulf.” 

Dan scoffs. “Just Beowulf? Come on, Phil! It’s only one of the most important pieces of English literature of all time!” Shaking his head in disbelief, he turns back around. “‘Just Beowulf’... Jesus.”

After a couple of minutes of silence Phil suddenly realises that Dan has started working. As in actually working. In the past they had both joked about being chronic procrastinators, and so Phil had predicted that the night would end up with them talking about books, politics or musicals instead of doing homework. He’s a bit surprised that Dan was serious about wanting to use his room just to study in, and to be truthful, he’s also a little disappointed. 

To make matters worse, as the other boy works away Phil finds himself unable to concentrate on the book in front of him; no matter how hard he tries to focus, all thoughts invariably trace back to his companion. He examines the back of his neck, the collar of his shirt, the knit of his jumper and how it falls on his lanky build. Dan will occasionally sing or hum a tune to himself, scribble something down and then repeat that same harmony with a few added notes, moving the fingers on his right hand as if he were in front of a piano. It’s a peaceful sight, captivatingly peaceful, and his concentration trickles down the drain. To hell with reading anyway. 

His thoughts meander back to a familiar daydream; Dan’s life in Wokingham. Phil’s imagination frequently returns to a scene of Dan sitting in a lavish study, playing the piano as golden sun leaks through an open window, balmy air wafting inside on a sweet summer evening. In tonight’s incarnation Phil envisions himself there sitting on the wooden floor, pondering over verses of romantic poetry, reading aloud a particularly pleasant stanza to Dan who would glance up from the piano and give him one of those warm, glowing smiles where his dimples make him look utterly angeli-

It’s a silly dream really, very silly indeed, and Phil feels ashamed for ever having dreamt it. With a glum sense of self-restraint, he turns back to his homework and tries extra-hard to concentrate on it. 

An hour or so passes in the little room on staircase nine, and after a while Phil finds himself lulled into the lethargic contentment that only rewards avid readers, and to his amazement he realises that Anglo-Saxon poetry about Danish kings and mythical beasts isn’t as tedious as he had previously dreaded. 

Satisfied with his progress, he bookmarks his page and closes the book with a thump. Dan’s neck twitches at the sound, and, as if abruptly reminded of the existence of the outside world, he drops his pen, massages his hands, and stretches his long, slender arms out into the air behind him. 

“Right, I’m throwing in the towel or else I shall die of a Schu-verload,” he exhales, leaning backwards and cracking his spine on the back of the chair.

“Schu...verload?” 

Dan swivels around to give him a dry scowl. “Schubert-overload, you fool.”

“Oh!” Phil exclaims, and the pair of them erupt into laughter. “Sorry, my brain has just been fried by one-thousand year old poetry. I’m feeling a bit,” he yawns, “a bit sleepy.”

Getting up from his chair and stretching some more, Dan paces over to the window and peers out of it before unhinging the lock and propping it open. Cold air sails through the room, ruffling his curls as he stares out into the dark night.

“Nice view you’ve got from up here.”

“Thanks,” Phil quips, fully aware of the fact that his room faces into a fairly dull courtyard.

“I’m serious. I think it’s grand that you’ve got a view of the chapel. It’s terribly romantic.” He steps away from the window, attention turning to a nearby shelf which houses a small record collection that appears to spark his enthusiasm. “You’ve got some superb albums here. Handel, Tchaikovsky, Chopin…” He looks over to where Phil has propped himself up against his headboard. “I respect those choices.” 

“Thanks, although I mainly put them on for background noise. I’m not a major classical geek or anything.”

The other boy guffaws. “Like me?”

“No, not like you,” Phil tuts, and his pretend frown turns into another yawn.

“Busy day?” Dan grins.

“Busy day, busy week, busy month. Hectic month, in fact.”

Nodding in solidarity Dan sits down at the bottom of Phil’s bed and reclines with his back against the wall, closing his eyes with a faint smile still on his face. As the pair of them sit in silence Phil's own eyelids get heavier, and budding in his chest is a drowsy desire to snuggle up into a cosy cocoon and burrow into the bedcovers, falling deeper and deeper into the comfort of his soft, warm sheets...

When he awakes, Dan is staring straight at him.

“Hmmm, what? Did I fall asleep?”

“Quite possibly. God, I know I’m about to.” Dan’s eyelids flicker downwards as his smile fades. He looks exhausted, really exhausted, and Phil feels like there’s something he should do about it.

“Hey.” 

Dan’s shoots up. Phil shuffles across his narrow bed and moves closer to the wall, patting the small space next to him in invitation. The other boy’s eyes widen for a moment before he melts into a soft, sleepy smile, then gets up slowly and gingerly sits on the bed, lies down next to Phil, then shuffles around so that he’s facing...facing him...and then closes his eyes as if it’s nothing.

Phil blinks in confusion. His more logical side knows that sleeping on the same bed as a friend is something that people do without batting an eyelid, but next to Dan it feels different - symbolic, even. Regardless, or perhaps because of that feeling, he shuffles round to face the other man and observes his sleeping face, his pale skin, his dark freckles, his thick brown eyebrows and long brown eyelashes. 

Suddenly, the eyelashes open.

“Phil?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me use your room to study in, you doofus,” he teases, words coming out slightly sluggish.

“Mmmm, that’s alright. It’s the least I can do considering how you spoiled me last Saturday. I think I should be the one thanking you.”

Dan shifts slightly, and Phil feels their shins are now pressed up against each other. His soul sings. If he were more awake his heart might be racing in an exhilarated panic, but in his tired state all he can do is feel strangely happy. Happy...and cold.

“Why on earth is it so freezing in here?” he asks, confused and a little dazed, and as he props himself up on his elbow he sees that the window has been left open. “Da-an!”

“What?” he whines through the pillow.

“You didn’t close the window!”

“Close it then.”

Phil groans, flopping back down onto the bed. “I can’t be bothered!”

“Well in that case we’ll just have to huddle together like penguins then,” and with his eyes still closed Dan moves across the bed until their faces are centimetres apart. Now Phil’s heart starts to quicken.

“I can’t, it’s too much.”

Dan’s eyes fly open as Phil gets up from the bed and walks over to the window. Worried that he’s made a deadly mistake he buries his head into the pillow and waits for Phil to order him out of his room, out into the cold, out into the darkness for a long, lonely walk back to his own miserable dormitory.

The window clunks shut, and then the bed becomes a lot heavier. Dan removes his face from the pillow to see Phil gazing down at him.

“I thought…I thought you were about to abandon me.”

“What? Abandon you? Where would I go?” He chuckles. “I was cold, that’s all. I wouldn’t leave you here like that.” 

Dan beams up at him with flushed cheeks. “You still cold?”

A smirk lets itself out. “Maybe.”

Dan unfurls his right arm across the width of the bed and lifts his left arm into the air. Phil slowly begins to panic. A hug? Is he pulling him in for a hug? A hug with Dan and his arms wrapped around him holding him lying there together on his bed a-

Okay. 

Enough.

Phil looks back at Dan. His stare is dark and strong, profound and meaningful, and it makes him feel safe. He takes the plunge and lowers himself down. Dan pulls him into a hug, arms wrapping around his back and drawing him close to his chest. Phil can hear the low thump of Dan’s heartbeat and smell the warm, musky scent that lingers on his jumper. He places his arms on Dan’s ribcage, fingers fiddling with the cable knit patterns. The pair adjust themselves slightly, moving shoulders, moving heads, moving their legs and intertwining them together, drifting off to the wide, sleepy sea in a boat built for two.

Chapter 4.5 - Rubber Ring

Phil had been asleep.

Phil had been asleep, until somebody had knocked on his door. 

Phil had been planning on going back to sleep, until through the still of night he had heard a familiar voice whispering his name.

Shaking the sleep from his bones, Phil opens his curtains, stumbles towards the door, turns the key in the lock and prepares himself for whatever lies waiting for him in the hallway.

“Dan?”

“G’d evening”

“W...what are you doing here?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Fancy a stroll?”

“A stroll? Are you insane?” Phil repeats mockingly, shivering from the cool air in the hallway. “Dan, it’s...” He checks his wrist, and frowns when he sees that it’s naked.

“1 a.m. on a Wednesday night? I know. So, what d’you say?”

Really, he should say no. He really should. It’s one in the morning, it’s a weeknight, he’s got lectures tomorrow and the weather outside is probably cold enough to freeze him to his core within five minutes. He should say no, he really should, but there’s something about roaming the shadowy streets at midnight with Dan that’s far too exciting to turn down.

“Give me thirty seconds and I’ll be right with you.”

Diving back into his room to grab the first items of clothing that he sees, Phil can’t help but feel slightly frenzied. When Dan was in his room last it had ended with the pair of them falling asleep entangled in each other’s arms. Phil hadn’t forgotten that. He had far from forgotten that. Memories of that night had floated through the air ever since, landing on him with the delicate wings of a wistful daydream that left him blushing as it flew away. Now, to both his surprise and his delight, this same boy is knocking on his door and asking for his accompaniment on a ridiculous small-hour escapade.

As he wraps his scarf around his collar, he looks across the room to the moonlit part of his pinboard. One particular piece of paper stands out, and he moves in closer to read it - it’s a quote scribbled onto a scrap of blue paper.

“I looked up at the mass of signs and stars in the night sky and laid myself open for the first time to the benign indifference of the world." 

How strange. He’s had that Albert Camus line scribbled onto a piece of paper for years now, and yet never in his life has it seemed so appropriate as it does right this moment. With a peculiar feeling of rebirth he thrusts his feet into the nearest pair of shoes he can find, and opens the door into the corridor. 

Dan is leaning against the wall of the hallway. The pose strikes him as familiar, and with a shock of nostalgia Phil is transported back to the night when the two of them first met. He remembers how Dan stood in the doorway to the photography club - arms folded, ankles crossed, sly smirk plastered to his mischievous face. How things have changed between them since then. 

Phil locks the door, pockets the key, and when he turns around Dan is staring absentmindedly at the floor with his eyes boring holes into nothingness. Suddenly he blinks, looks up, and his eyes instantly meet Phil’s with a vivid, bittersweet gaze that makes everything else in the world feel like it’s falling away.

It feels like the passing touch of a stranger’s hand on the small of his back at a lavish party. It feels like the shock of a cherry liqueur that stuns the taste buds and leaves behind a decadent, sumptuous and moreish aftertaste. It feels like the sight of a full moon from the balcony of his Grecian holiday home, wind rustling through the leaves as the waves whisper beneath him. Phil’s heart melts... and then he realises. 

He just might be in love.

“What are you thinking about?” Dan asks, breaking the silence as his eyelids hang low. Phil looks at those dark, pretty eyelashes on those dark, pretty eyes, rolls his shoulders back, and sighs.

“Mmmm, nothing.” 

He turns to walk down the narrow hallway with Dan following close behind. They push through the heavy wooden door at the end of the hallway and descend onto the staircase, making their way down the steps that lead out of the building.

“So tell me then, how did you manage to get up to my room?” Phil inquires. “Did Rapunzel let her hair down over the Fellow’s Garden wall for you to use as a rope to climb up?”

Dan laughs. “No, not quite.”

“Well go on then, how did you do it? Surely the main college door would have been locked?”

“Not tonight apparently, I pushed it, and lo and behold it was open. There wasn’t a porter there either. Poor sod’s probably raiding the college’s wine cellar,” he adds with a chuckle.

“Dan! The porters aren’t drunkards.”

“I know I know, but it must be bloody boring just sitting there all night. I know I’d raid the stash if I were them.”

“What, and allow unruly boys who can’t settle down to come and break in to the college grounds? You’d make a great porter.”

“That is why I am not a porter, but a devilish, wicked boy who breaks into colleges so he can sneak into other boys’ bedrooms,” he smiles.

Phil’s mind almost shuts down at that latter part. Out of sheer bewilderment his brain decides to respond by bellowing out “you are a saucy boy” in his best Lord Capulet impression, which has the effect of making Dan double over into a fit of laughter, tears streaming down his face as he wheezes the word “saucy” through silent giggles.  

As they exit the building they’re struck by the biting December cold. Careful to tread lightly across the echoing stone slabs, they stealth across the smaller quad that Phil’s bedroom faces into, creep past the chapel, and step through to the larger quad wherein lies a perfectly-maintained square lawn.

“Hey!” Dan whispers.

“What?”

“Shall we walk across the grass?”

“What? Dan! We can’t do that!” Phil hisses. “We’ll get caught and fined and-”

“Oh stop it! We’re already breaking the rules by sneaking out past 10 p.m. Tarnishing an overly-pampered lawn isn’t any worse.”

Before Phil has time to protest, Dan has already set foot on the forbidden pasture.

“Dan stop! For fuc-”

“Catch me if you can!” 

The boy runs around in circles as Phil loiters on the edge, deliberating on whether or not he should join in, until he looks around the quad and, upon seeing nobody, finally decides to indulge in Dan’s game. They race around the turf, skidding and slipping and ripping up the grass. Phil tries to reach Dan, but no matter how hard he struggles he never seems to be able to catch up.

“What’s that Lester? Too slow are we?” Dan taunts, placing a hand on his hip.

That’s it, Phil thinks. 

Time to put Dan in his place. 

With a final burst of energy Phil lunges forward, hurtling himself towards the other man in a push that sends them crashing to the floor, foreheads colliding with a knock that’ll have both of them bruised by the time the sun shines.

“Ow, shit! My head!”

“You alright?”

Phil rolls off onto the cold lawn, swiftly disentangling himself from the mess of limbs as Dan pushes himself off the ground with a grunt of effort.

“Jesus Christ Phil! What are you, some sort of juggernaut?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.”

Dan breathes in deeply, eyes flitting over Phil’s body before travelling back up to meet him.

“Evidently not.”

There’s a moment of silence as they recover, and Phil notices that a few blades of grass are stuck to Dan’s face. Without thinking he reaches out a hand to brush them off, fingers briefly skimming across the surface of the boy’s cheek. Dan’s eyes are wide, and his breath is hot against Phil’s hand, lips parted as his eyes lock with Phil’s. There’s a presence in those eyes that Phil has seen before. Inspecting. Asking. Phil wants to trace his thumb across the surface of Dan’s panting mouth with those big, blinking, innocent eyes staring up at him, maybe slip in a finger and feel that soft, wet tongue...but the flare of uncertainty in his chest tells him to remove his hand, stand up from the ground, and say “shall we get going then?” in the steadiest voice he can muster.

After hoisting Dan up from the ground they creep across the quad towards the lodge where the porter sits. Or rather, where the porter normally sits.

“Hmmm. Still nobody here,” Dan confirms, crooking his head around the front desk.

Phil opens the latch of the small door and steps out. “Quickly then. We don’t want to get caught.” Dan hurries across the cobbled entrance, following him through the exit as it shuts behind them with a soft click.

As soon as they’re out the college gates Dan reaches into his coat and pulls out a small bottle of alcohol. Ah. That would explain a lot. He offers it to Phil, who nods in gratitude and takes a sip.

“Eurgh!” 

Dan laughs. “You don’t like whiskey?” Phil screws his eyes shut, shaking his head as if trying to rid himself of the taste. “Ah well - more for me!” 

On second thoughts, if Dan’s already drunk Phil doesn’t want to be the only one who’s sober, and so he reaches for the bottle with grabbing hands as Dan takes a healthy swig. Although he raises his eyebrows at Phil’s unexplained change of opinion, he hands it over regardless. As they amble through the streets Dan takes the drink back, downing it at an alarming rate, and by the time they’ve made their way to the highroad the vessel is as good as gone. 

“Ah, here we are,” Dan cries, “the theatre!” Phil winces - he’s a little on the loud side.

“I saw a fan-tastic production here the other week. The Phantom of the Opera it was. Bloody blil..bloody brilliant,” he slurs, waving the empty bottle around in his hand. “Very fine chap playing Erik, very fine...” He sighs. “I wanted to be an opera singer, y’know. Dunno know what ‘appened to that.”

Phil frowns. “What d’you mean ‘dunno what happened to that’? You can still have a shot at it.”

“You know, that’s very true,” he mutters, “very true...” 

As they walk down the deserted road the only sound to be heard is the clacking of their heeled shoes, until they turn down an ill-lit side-street and Dan begins to hum a tune that sounds familiar. 

“Is that-”

“The Phantom of the Opera? You didn’t say you’d seen it!” 

Before Phil can gush about his love of musicals, Dan unexpectedly bursts into song.

“Beneath the opera house,

I know he’s there,

He’s with me on the stage,

He’s everywhere.”

For a moment, Phil forgets how to think. He hadn’t expected Dan’s voice to be so high pitched, so silky and delicate and feminine.

“And when my song begins,

I always find,

The phantom of the opera is there,

Inside my mind.”

Dan nods his head as if expecting a reaction. Ah. The next part of the song is sung by The Phantom. Hesitant to embarrass himself but too tipsy to care, Phil takes in a deep breath and attempts to remember the lyrics.

“Since once again with me,

A strange duet.

I power over you,

Grow stronger yet.

You give your love to me,

For love is blind.

The phantom of the opera is now,

Your mastermind.”

He looks back at Dan, whose gawk transforms into a grin.

“Those who have seen your face,

Draw back in fear.

I am the mask you wear.”

Another expectant look from Dan. Oh!

“It’s me they hear!”

If he’s correct, they sing the next part together.

“My spirit and my voice,

In one command.

The Phantom of The Opera is there,

Inside your mind.”

Phil could have died on the spot - their voices sound amazing together. He turns around to beam at Dan, but Dan’s too busy acting to notice.

“The Phantom of the Opera,

He’s there.

The Phantom of the Opera.” 

He waltzes out into the road, obviously getting into it. Phil follows, and their voices combine more. 

“Sing once again with me,

A strange duet.”

“My power over you

Grows stronger yet.”

“You give your love to me ,

For love is blind.

The Phantom of The Opera is now,

My mastermind.”

“Sing my angel of music!” Phil cries.

“He’s there,

The Phan-tom of the O-per-aaaaa”

“Sing once again with me,

For a strange duet.”

Dan finishes off the song with the highest note Phil has ever heard come from a man. Bursting into laughter, he bows to a one-man audience as Phil claps and shouts “bravo!”, throwing invisible roses onto an invisible stage before turning to walk down the street.

“Thank you, thank you,” Dan giggles, buzzing with adrenaline as he looks at Phil, who responds with equal spirit. He isn’t quite sure what just happened, but something about their voices combining together like that felt spectacular. It felt special. As their smiles fade, Dan looks as though he wants to speak.

“Phil,” he begins, “can I...can I compliment you?”

“Of course.”

“You have the most incredible voice. Seriously.”

Phil is stupefied. Really? His voice, “incredible”? 

Something wells up inside his chest, something wild and fleeting and frantic that makes him want to sprint and shout and bowl Dan over with a tackle or a hug or just give in to his long-restrained yearning and just grab his charming, boyish face and just kiss it-

Instead, he reaches out a hand, and lightly taps Dan on the nose with his finger.

“Phil, I think you are the strangest person that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Hey, you’re equally weird,” he teases. 

“I know. That’s why I think you’re so wonderful.”

It’s his shy smile that tips Phil over the edge. He reaches out and pulls Dan into a hug that’s forceful and rough, throwing his arms around his shoulders and squeezing him tight as Dan instantly wraps his arms around him, gripping with equal vigour until they can’t get any closer.

“Thank you for agreeing to go on this mad walk with me. It’s just that I...I couldn’t sleep. This stupid performance is in two days and I’ve got so much work to do and I-” His voice cracks. Phil says nothing but rubs Dan’s back in consolation. After a while, the other boy pulls away. 

“Sorry,” he mutters, avoiding Phil’s eye.

“Don’t be sorry. You’re stressed, it’s understandable. I don’t mind anyway, it was my pleasure.” They begin walking. “Don’t worry about all this school work, you’ve got enough time to sort it out before the performance. If you don’t finish it, who cares - you can do it over the holidays.”

With a big sniff, Dan nods. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

“As for Friday, I’m sure it’ll go smoothly. If you fluff a line just get your sword out and start duelling the audience with your fencing skills. They won’t know what hit them. Literally.”

“Let's hope I don’t fluff anything then, because I don’t want to have to kill you in a sword fight.”

“Aha! How bold you are to assume that I would lose! In fact, I, Philip Michael Lester, otherwise known as... Lance Lester, am a master of sword fighting, known throughout the land for my trusty steel and quick foot.” He snatches at the bottle in Dan’s hand, holding it by its neck. “This was my father's poniard, do you see? I'd be loth to see 't look rusty, 'cause 'twas his.”

Dan cackles, high pitched and loud. “Oh Phil, you’re such a geek, you know that right?”

“Oi - that’s Lance Lester to you!”

“Oh yeah? More like Feeble Phil,” he teases, jabbing at the other boy’s stomach. It doesn’t take long before they start to pretend-fight, scuffling in the street and tussling with each other all the way back home, gradually getting louder and more competitive until they circle back to Turl Street.

“Hey, hey, shhh!” Phil hisses. “We’re back at my college.”

Dan unclences Phil from a headlock and looks up. “We are indeed. Let’s hope the door’s still unlocked.” 

Phil gives it a gentle push, and it opens with a creak. Wriggling free from Dan’s grasp he slips into the entrance, standing with one foot it and one foot out, propping the door open with his chest.

“Well, good luck for rehearsals then. I’ll be at the chapel for…”

“For eight o’clock.”

“Eight o’clock. Right.”

Dan’s face falls. 

“My God.”

“What? What’s the matter?”

“I nearly forgot. Oh, what a disaster that would have been.” 

Phil raises an eyebrow. 

“On the night of the performance the chap I share a room with is going out, so I’m inviting a handful of people back to my room for a little party afterwards. I kept meaning to invite you but I never got round to it. Please say you can make it!”

“It’d be my pleasure.” 

Dan beams. “Perfect, I’ll see you there.” 

He turns away and walks up the street, hands thrust into his trouser pockets as he hurries back to his room. Phil stands at the door, watching. When Dan reaches the corner of the road he turns his head to face backwards, and, although he’s too far away to be sure, Phil is certain that he can feel the warmth of a smile shooting through the air and landing on his breast like the golden tip of Cupid’s pointed arrow, spreading through his body with a tender warmth.

[raendown]

Commission for @officerjennie!

Pairing: MadaraTobirama Word count: 1341 Rated: T+ Summary:They meet for the first time twice and somehow Madara manages to make a fool of himself both times. But what else is new?

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header! 

Love At First Shake 

Madara was sneaking another brownie and telling himself the calories didn’t count at holiday parties when a deep, delicious voice spoke from behind him. He nearly strained his jaw trying to chew quickly but no way was he turning around with his cheeks stuffed full of chocolate. Only when his mouth was free of treats did he spin to see who that voice could possibly belong to.

“Where do I know you from?” The man who asked was an actual vision from heaven. Madara immediately began shuffling backwards, ready to flee.

“From your dreams?” he suggested, trying for a winsome smile and hoping he had no chocolate in his teeth.

The man lifted one eyebrow in judgment and Madara swallowed. It wasn’t fair how hot this creature was. Absolutely and completely unfair. He needed to get out of here immediately.

“I could swear I know you from somewhere.”

“Probably not, I think I just have one of those faces.” Darting his eyes from side to side, Madara almost panicked to see that there was no escape. The other partygoers had them boxed in on all sides. He took another a step back and felt around the edge of the snack table for something he might use as a possible distraction while the man in front of him tilted his head to one side.

“You really don’t but…there’s something familiar. You don’t work at the bank, do you?”

“Nope, never have.”

He very nearly cried in relief when Hashirama’s face popped around the corner, ploughing his way through the sea of people by virtue of being a full head taller than everyone else, too high up to even notice the poor guests stumbling to get out of his way. Unfortunately the rescue Madara thought had arrived to save his ass turned out to be nothing but another step lower in to hell as, instead of greeting him with the usual friendly hug, Hashirama threw an arm around the hot stranger’s shoulders and propped the opposite fist on his own hip.

“Well look at that! See, I always knew the two of you would get along!”

“Beg pardon?” Madara asked. In desperation he wondered if there was any way for him to crawl under the snack table without losing his dignity entirely.

“Oh you know what I mean, aren’t I always saying how much you would totally get along with my brother? Tobi, back me up here! I’m always saying I should introduce you to Madara, right?” Hashirama beamed back and forth between them but the other man’s eyes had narrowed.

Tobi – or Tobirama, as Madara now remembered from the endless rants – tilted his head in a thoughtful manner that had Madara's hackles up and all of his fight or flight instincts firing like crazy. If the people around them would just shift for him like they did for his tree of a best friend then he could escape before his shame was made public.

Unfortunately it didn’t seem like the universe was ready to be kind to him that day.

“Wait, your name is Madara?”

“Um…”

“That rings a bell…”

“No it doesn’t!”

“I think…wait, I think I remember where I know you from.”

Madara spun a fruitless circle looking for a way out that didn’t exist. “No you don’t!”

“Yes, I do. You work at the food court in the mall. I remember because your name tag had a stupid little rainbow stick on it or something. Yeah, I ordered a milkshake from you a few weeks back.” Tobirama’s eyes were widening with every work while Madara's heart sank lower and lower.

“No! Not true! I- I’ve never seem a milkshake in my life!”

He was mortified to see Hashirama give him a confused look. “But you do work at the mall, Maddy. I visit you at work all the time.”

“Shut up!”

On a roll now, Tobirama pointed an absent finger as he continued to shred Madara's self-image to pieces. “You’re the one that squeezed the milkshake so hard that it exploded all over your shirt. How long did it take for you to get all that ice cream out of your hair? Probably hours. Anija always takes hours to wash his but yours looks twice as thick.”

“If the gods have mercy they will strike me down,” Madara whined quietly, closing his eyes.

“Wait, what?” Hashirama snorted loudly. “I don’t remember hearing about this.”

“Oh it was a while back but it was hilarious. He called my order out but when I stepped forward to take it we made eye contact and then suddenly there was ice cream everywhere. I thought the cup had actually exploded in his hand somehow.” Tobirama was grinning outright now. Clearly this was a sign that Madara needed to drop out of college, quit his job, and take up life as a moleman in the sewers because he was never going to live this down.

Especially not if word ever got back to Izuna.

More red in the face than he could ever remember being in his life, Madara was about ten seconds away from actually crawling underneath the snack table when Tobirama shook off his brother’s arm to take a step closer.

“Normally I would say anyone friends with Anija must have something terribly wrong with them but…I have to admit you did look pretty cute all covered in that vanilla milkshake.” His grin widened a little more but it took a few seconds for Madara to get what he really meant.

“Gross! You’re gross! And rude! I don’t like what you’re implying!”

Ignoring the way Hashirama had stopped laughing to look confused again Madara turned and threw dignity to the wind. It was dark underneath the tables laden with snacks and the hardwood floor was uncomfortable against his knees but there were no people and he had a clear path around the corner to the living room.

Popping up from under the table was easy over here where the crowds were much thinner, farther away from the alcohol as they were, and for a moment he thought that all the weird looks he must be getting were totally worth such a quick and effective getaway. Then he lifted his head from brushing off the knees of his jeans only to find Tobirama standing in front of him again with arms crossed and one eyebrow raised, his mouth turned up in an unfairly sexy smirk.

“Oh come on!” Madara cried. “How!? How did you even get over here!?” Tobirama only shrugged but clearly he had the same crowd magic that his older brother had; they were both blessed with the same freakish height after all.

“If you give me your number I promise no milkshakes on the first date.”

“...what?”

Tobirama looked away to clear his throat but when he looked back that stupid smirk had only grown bigger. “You’re pretty cute. I would love to take you out this Friday. And I promise not to let anything else…explode all over you.”

“Are you going to tell bad dirty jokes every five minutes?”

“I can promise to try not to.”

“Fine. But you’re paying. And no milkshakes, you promised!” His cheeks were so hot he thought they might burst in to flames at any moment.

“Deal.”

But it was worth it. Whether or not Tobirama realized what had actually happened that day was a mystery and Madara certainly was not going to be the one to tell him that all it had taken was one look at the gorgeous face across the counter to send his entire brain in to overload. Squeezing the milkshake had been nothing more than an untimely and incredibly embarrassing reaction to seeing a human being as pretty as Tobirama.

And yet somehow he had still ended up getting a date. Madara wasn’t about to question that good fortune. All he cared about was making sure nothing else like that happened to him when Friday came around.

Knowing his luck, however, only time would tell.

[drink-n-watch]

We got somewhat buried in snow over the last few days. Actually, it’s not that impressive. It’s really a perfectly average amount of snow for February in Quebec and far from the huge snow storm they’ve been promising. In fact, it’s been sort of light on snow this year. In any case, it’s now a bright and sunny day and the gleaming, undisturbed white snow is reflecting everything so the glare coming through the window is crazy. You know that particular quality of sunlight off snow. It’s super sunny and cheerful and you can just tell it’s freezing outside. It’s a good day to stay indoors and watch anime. And this was a great episode for the occasion I might add. Before we get into it, how are you Crow?

Also, just so I don’t make him do it every time. This is a discussion of episode 80 of My Hero Academia. There will be some spoilers so if you haven’t seen it, you might want to do that first. Also, I will be taking plain text this week while Crow is in bold!

  I’m doing well, Irina. Thanks for asking! We just got a little snow here, too, but no sun. So it’s just gray outside. Weird snow, too — didn’t stick to the streets or sidewalks, but buried our cars. Well, my car. My wife’s car is in the garage.

Once more, the episode was essentially split into two halves. First off we needed to finish off that cliffhanger from last week. Bakugou and Todoroki, alongside Inasa and Camie are now faced with a gang of unruly superpowered children they need to rail in. This could have been a dicey situation, as we find out the childrens powers are way beyond that of past generations, but it was solved pretty quickly and thankfully without the need to explode any toddlers.

Our heroes simply created a playground for the kids using their own powers. They threw in a few tricks and a few pieces of advice here and there to calm the kids down. Before they knew it, they had won the class over and everyone was having a good time. It was an easy feel good scene, but it actually packed in a lot of world building and character development. Or rather it confirmed that development.

First we were introduced to the concept that powers are merging and evolving with each generation having more and more powerful quirks at younger ages. This could potentially become a serious problem as we have already seen the havoc that uncontrolled quirks can cause. And it’s a very interesting idea, this notion of a quirk event horizon. A point where so many individuals will have uncontrollably powerful quirks that they could viably wipe out a good portion of the population. Or alternatively that they would themselves not survive long enough to have children thereby creating a population crisis. In the MHA universe, it’s a credible premise that mankind could evolve itself into extinction.

That’s some pretty deep classic sci fi thought experiment. And it’s mighty sneaky of them to throw it into a narrative about the two most popular MHA pretty boys taking care of a bunch of kids. What do you make of it Crow?

It felt the same way to me — classic science fiction “what if.” I’ve often referenced Dune in my reviews, and I think there’s a case to be made that the scenario you just outlined, where the children don’t survive long enough to produce children, is something right out of the complex ecology of Arrakis. It’s almost like an evolutionary population control. Kids get too powerful for the world (or their parents) to contain? The population resets.

Overall, I thought it was an interesting concept, and a sign of a dynamic world. With Quirks becoming more unmanageable, something has to give. I think I would have liked to have seen some indication that the kids’ teacher, Komari Ikoma, was trying to come up with a new way to teach them; some way that indicated she and the teaching establishment she was a part of were trying to evolve new methods.

As for the character development part. The situation was resolved by using their quirks in a creative and cooperative way rather than a show of force. Each of them found the best way to do so according to their own skills. They knew how to capitalize on the opportunity once the kids started to be won over. But the idea started with Bakugou. More precisely, with Bakugou explaining that even if they do simply defeat the kids without hurting them too much, being defeated by someone you have no respect for is just humiliating and frustrating. It won’t win the kids over. They need to create a situation that the kids want to be part of.

First of all, that’s pretty smart, but Bakugou is supposed to be very intelligent. From the very first episode he has always been top of the class. In fact it’s nice to see it in action but it’s nothing new. What is new is that this particular bright idea can only come through empathy. Bakugou had to put himself in those kids’ place and that is not something he could have done in episode 1. Our little Baku is growing up. And it’s telling that he’s the only one that didn’t use his quirk at all. Just his words.

Also that advice he threw in “If you don’t stop looking down on others from high above, you’ll fail to notice your own weakness” (I’m paraphrasing here), hits close to home. It’s obvious that the events of the last two seasons have had an effect on him and it’s sinking in.

I feel a little bummed — I couldn’t find a name from the little ring-leader from Masegaki Primary School! One thing that struck me as I watched this scene is how easily it could have become hollow and saccharin sweet. But because it was the product of Bakugou’s authentic character development, and because he was so convincingly empathetic, I thought it worked and worked well. 

And though I’m really happy they didn’t have to resort to physical violence, I did think it was extremely cool that when the kids unleashed their attacks on our four heroes, they  weren’t even annoyed. No damage; not even enough to make them uncomfortable. I do so like moments like that!

In many ways, Bakugou’s character arc, his hang ups and obstacles are similar to Todoroki’s, which is probably why they clash so much. However, they are represented in opposite ways. Todoroki is the golden child who had so much pressure heaped on him that he’s come to deeply resent everyone’s hopes and expectations. It’s symbolized in his unwillingness to accept his own quirk, which is in many ways a symbol of a lot of the pain he’s suffered in the past. He has willingly hadicapped himself using only a portion of his power and strives only to be different than what is expected of him.

Bakugou comes from a much more modest background and has had forceful but supportive parents. Despite being in many ways perfectly suited to the golden child role, brilliant, often referred to as handsome, strong and healthy, he has defined himself solely by his quirk. So seeing a situation where Todoroki used both his ice and fire willingly — and just for fun at that —  showed the Shoto has come a long way to accepting his quirk, and by extension himself, and putting those difficult memories behind him. On the other hand, Bakugou avoided using his quirk or even taking the spotlight which tells me that this spoiled brat is finally maturing just a bit.

Remember when Todoroki was using his flame to help the kids warm their hands? That’s a great example of what you just pointed out. The Todoroki we met years ago would not have done that! We’d seen hints of that before, so what really blew me away in this episode was Bakugou’s restraint. Very impressive!

All of this development was great to see but there’s still one elephant in the room for me. I cannot forgive Endeavour, and I really dislike the series trying to sanitize him without any proper character building in that sense. Like I said, I thought it was interesting and gutsy to have an openly despicable “hero”. That’s something truly original as even the anti-heros we are used to are usually noble at heart. Endeavour was just a bad selfish and cruel man. But he was strong and wore the right colours. That conflict was fascinating to me. When did he become a tragic misunderstood soul who just wants to make the son he loves so much proud? Where did the guy who beat up that son when he was 5 years old, so badly that the boy threw up? You can’t just go from one to the other like that. Am I the only one bothered by this?

No. Two things bothered me about the scene where Endeavour reached out to Todoroki. First, you’re right — nothing he did in the past has been forgiven, if for no other reason than he has done nothing to atone. He did nothing to heal the damage he’d done. But what bothered me even more was that I found a small part of me hoping that Todoroki would make up with him. To see father and son reunited. 

Why would I want to put Todoroki through that? Sure, he’s conflicted, but wanting him to reestablish a relationship with the exact cause of that conflict is a really, really cruel thing to do! Do even I feel social pressure to conform to an ideal of family? 

I did say “a small part.” The rest of my brain was adamant in rejecting the notion completely. In fact, I suspect now that Endeavour has realized once and for all that he can’t step into All Might’s role — ever! — he’s reevaluating his life. I don’t know that he feels guilty, but he knows the strategy he had employed failed him. And of course it did. It was a terrible strategy. 

I have to give the show points for creating a situation that supported such a conversation, though!

The latter half of the episode started off rather mundanely. A time jump brought us to September and we learn through still scenes that the kids attended Nighteye’s funeral and the the internship program was being reevaluated. Duh! For the time being, everyone is back at UA and things are slowly going back to normal. More or less…

Aoyama has always been a fairly minor supporting character. I mean he’s always been around, but he’s just one more type of comic relief and hasn’t had many opportunities to distinguish himself. So when he starts to apparently stalk Deku, through cheese at that, I was really taken by surprise. I honestly said out loud, what exactly is going on here?

It was well done, constructed as an old school Hitchcockian suspense, with jump cuts and shadowy nighttime scenes and all those allusions of I know…. I really liked this turn. I was baffled as to where it was all going but I really liked it. I hoped we would have gotten a few episodes of this unsettling and yet hilarious atmosphere. The creative use of cheese was a great touch!

It was so unexpected that as the scenes played out, I was trying to come up with explanations. But we know that Aoyama doesn’t have an evil bone in his body, so whatever he was up to couldn’t be hurtful — unless he was actually a Himiko Toga replacement, but that couldn’t be because she’s more direct in her attacks. To be honest, I couldn’t figure out what was really going on.

In the end, it turns out that what he knew was simply that Deku was struggling with his quirk on a physical level and he felt a kinship with him because of that. An unexpectedly sweet reveal if a little cheesy.

I’m sorry…

Should I feel guilty for laughing so hard? I really like puns… I thought Aoyama reaching out to Deku was a sign of how much he had come to trust and respect him. The relationships within the class aren’t static, and I like that.

All and all, this episode was distinctly optimistic in tone, positioning most of the main cast in hopeful situations. It seems like a high before a low or a calm before the storm, but I’m happy to take it. It made me smile.

I’m really looking forward to seeing Kyouka Jirou play her guitar! We haven’t seen much of her since the League of Villains invaded UA. I’m curious if she’ll be her own guitar amp!

My Hero Academia s4 ep80- A Mild Cheese We got somewhat buried in snow over the last few days. Actually, it’s not that impressive. It’s really a perfectly average amount of snow for February in Quebec and far from the huge snow storm they’ve been promising.