#they deserve a nice Christmas together :D

[gnc-objection]

Merry Christmas Eve!!! 🎄❄️☃️⛄️🎁

[loveisanimaginarydagger3000]

Kinkmas Masterlist

Welcome to Kinkmas everyone! This is the list and descriptions of all twelve Christmas fics I have managed to write involving either Wanda, Nat and, in some chapters, even both of them :)

All chapters include smut and most of them a large portion of tooth rotting fluff so I hope you all enjoy.

Happy December everyone and Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it <3

12 Days Of Kinkmas

1- Tis The Season For... Love? (NxR)- After stressing out over a gift you were giving to your long term crush, it seems that it really is the season for miracles to happen.

2- Naughty Or Nice? (NxWxR)- Whilst being blindfolded and tied up, your girlfriends ask you whether you think you deserve to be on the naughty list. Naively, you say no, only to fall into their trap...

3- Ugly Sweater (NxR)- Whilst coming out of the bathroom, Natasha immediately notices your new Christmas Sweater and can't hold back on her playful teasing and mentions how ugly it is. In fact, she thinks it's so ugly, you should just take it off.

4- Cookies and Cream (WxR)- Whilst attempting to bake festive cookies with Wanda, the two of you end up getting a little 'distracted.'

5- Silent Night (WxR)- After Pietro tells the boys an innocent Christmas tale, you find it extremely difficult to find any alone time with Wanda. The two of you would just have to find a way to be quiet, even when she was coming all over your tongue.

6- Snowed In (NxR)- When a blizzard hits and traps you and your wife into your new house, you both find the perfect opportunity to christen the whole house.

7- Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree (WxR)- Whilst decorating the tree, Wanda's jumper rises up and you can't stop yourself from staring, easily flustered by the woman you somehow managed to call your girlfriend. What happens when Wanda notices your constant gaze and decides to torment you?

8- Christmas Shopping (NxR)- After an eventful shopping spree with Nat for the rest of the team, you find a way to relieve the stress in the car park

9- Gift Wrapped (WxR)- Coming home from work, you expect to cuddle up with your wife on the couch and savour the warmth of the house. You certainly didn't expect the wrapped up 'gift' that was laying on the bed.

10- Let It Snow (NxR)- When a mission on Christmas Eve goes wrong and leaves you and Natasha stranded in a random cabin in the woods, you can't help but be disappointed at the way you were going to spend your first Christmas together. Natasha, however, shows you that it's not so bad being stuck together with no-one nearby.

11- The Grinch Who Stole Her Heart (WxR)- When a certain witch discovers your hate for Christmas, she can't help but try her best into convincing you to love the festive season.

12- Christmas Morning (WxNxR)- Waking up on Christmas, you can't help but stay in bed with your girlfriends, deciding presents can wait a little longer. 

I hope you're all as excited as I am ;D

Let me know what chapter you're most looking forwards to and, once again, Merry Christmas everyone! 

---

Ao3- LoveIsAnImaginaryDagger

Wattpad- LovePersevering2

Tumblr- LoveIsAnImaginaryDagger3000

[the-tmnt-ficfinder]

Christmas Kindness submission

To Qoldenskies,

I’ll straight up say it. You write my favourite Donnie angst out there. There’s the obvious masterpiece that is the Canary Continuity, and the horrifically underrated Coming Undone. Both are such visceral, heartbreaking experiences that I have enjoyed from start to finish. And Caged Lungs broke me down. Miner’s Eulogy was what shattered me, though, and Clipped Wings? What a RIDE. With each chapter you post, I can’t believe we’re getting closer to the END. Not the END. I don’t want it to end, but it’s gotta. We do need that promised happy ending.

Honestly, your interpretations of the characters? Especially Donnie? They’re so well thought-out and clever. There’s so many important layers to them and what drives them, and it all comes together SO WELL. You’ve definitely done your homework and put a lot of care into your stories. It shows.

What I also have to praise is how beautifully crafted the writing ITSELF is. The metaphors and parallels are so clever. You use them masterfully to paint a better picture of the characters and their struggles. It’s like you have two narratives running at once, sometimes, the obvious one, and the supporting one that explains so much. I don’t always catch that, since I’m not that smart, but I know it’s there. Commenters help me out by bringing attention to it. 

Emotions? Spot on. I feel so much, and the experiences are painted so viscerally that it’s hard not to feel along with the characters.

And I wanted to also bring up one more thing. I really like how you ‘distort’ and break up the dialogue when the characters are in distress. The stammering, the added words, (for examples, “I’m— I’m too muh-ch,” “something’s wro-wrohng, Raph and Leo are ouh-out—“ (cu) “I’ll d-do– I’ll do��any-hhh-thing,” “I’ll– I’ll clean it up, I promi- hhh -se!” (cl)) really helps me HEAR how they’re talking. I’ve never seen stuttering or dragged-out words articulated so ‘as-said’— meaning, that is exactly the noises they’d be making if you heard them (particularly the shuddering of breath that accompanies then ‘hhh’, if that makes sense). This is probably my favourite little detail exclusive to your work. I absolutely love it. It’s such a small thing but it definitely enhances the reading experience.

Because I don’t want to leave out your ‘smaller’ fics, I wanted to say that I have read Circomvating Death, too. It definitely is a nice little refresher to all the angst (but I LOVE angst), and I’ve enjoyed the humorously chaotic adventures of Donnie and Casey Jr. Whenever you get back around to writing for that, I’ll look forward to seeing where they go next!

And Enhancements? Short but sweet pain. The idea of NO existing painkillers working on them makes a lot of of sense. The super-soldier piece is such a fun little concept to play around with, whether for badass purposes or whump. I also love seeing the concept referenced in your other stories. It works great as a little headcanon establishment. It doesn’t need to be a massive masterpiece to still be great.

I know you’re also planning Where We Went Wrong as a B-team sep AU, and I’m definitely looking forward to that and your bad things happen bingo prompts! I know all that’s in the right hands, and 

You have a lot of talent, and you deserve all the positive feedback, fan art, and fanfics you’ve gotten so far.

And I did read the post where you said that your family is too poor to celebrate Christmas, but I hope you can cherish the time you all have together regardless (and beat that Christmas Curse that’s plagued you for the past couple years). <3 Have a great one! Wishing you all the best.

@qoldenskies

Christmas Kindness Event Post

[iamaman-foxfundy]

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas! I know Bee already did a post that is pretty similar in format but I wanted to do one as well >:) And if I don’t recognize you in this post, I just wanted to say thank you for sticking around this long!! (Also the art above is just two silly little guys, I like to imagine Fundy would do that thing where you put the sleeves together and your hands?)

@bee-pboop - You we’re honestly my entire inspiration for this blog lmao! Thank you for being so helpful and for putting up with my ass when I message you. Your art is awesome and you are super chill and just agshhauajsisu nice?? You’re cool basically. So thanks a ton, and I hope to get to know you better :D

@salemsugarstarz - SCREAMS CRYSTAL?? Look how far we’ve come! While it is ehem- a drop in status, we’re still together!! You have honestly been the brightest light in my life and I have no idea where I would be without you <3. I love you sososo much, and I think you deserve the world/p. You are the sun to my wacky rat solar eclipse. Thank you for always supporting me, Love you and Merry Christmas!!

@cranbooask - waves Hi Hello!! Thank you for, like Bee, putting up with me when I’m constantly messaging you, and thank you for being so patient and kind. I think you’re awesome, and thank you for sharing loads of stories and advice. You’ve been a great friend to me <3 so thank you

@quackity1999 - Thank you for getting me that fucking email dude 😭😭! You honestly play Quackity so well?? And thank you for giving advice when I need it. You seem fucking aweomse and I hope to get to know you better!!

and again to anyone who I didn’t recognize, thank you for staying around this long!!

[quirkwizard]

Year Six: A Retrospective

Followers: 3,124

Total Posts: 10,750

Most Popular Post: Happy New Years with 12,876 notes

Favorite Post: Definitely my Keystone post. Not only is probably one of the biggest things I have ever written and had a lot of effort go into it, but it was actually kind of fun revisiting the arcs and figuring out how I felt about them. The D&D one was pretty fun though.

Least Favorite Post: While I don't dislike What’s This-All For One Edition: A Christmas Parody, there were a lot of annoyances around it. Not only was this kind of a pain to write, especially with such a fast song, the scheduling made it come out over a month late.

Funniest Moment: As much as I liked the wrestling commentary and joking about Aoyama's attack, I really liked the Pro Hero Parent Tier List. I think the concept itself was funny and had some jokes sprinkled throughout while still being offset by the actual analysis of these character.

Best Moment in the Manga: Izuku vs Tomura:

I hesitated to include this since it's still going on, but I couldn't deny how good everything has been between these two. I'm really enjoying a lot of the interactions and tactics on display between them, especially in the shared realm where it feels like these two can finally just talk to and understand each other.

Runners Up:

All Might vs All For One: For what sounds like a terrible idea on paper was honestly pretty amazing. It gives lot a of great moments and resolution with Toshinori and his character, all while giving one of the most unique fights in the series.

Toga vs Ochako: The dark horse of this arc. I did not expect the whole part to be this good and actually handled everything with a lot of tact and nuance. Plus, Ochako is finally getting some deserved recognition by the fan base, which is nice.

Worst Moment in the Manga: Stain's Death

Man, what a waste. For one of the most popular villains in the series, the guy that helped define the manga both in and out of universe, having him die without any further impact on the fight or story was such a terrible move. We can only hope that there is some justice for Stain before the series ends.

Runners Up:

Aoyama's Blast: I don't out and out hate this moment, but it does feel like a rushed after thought. It was barely built up to or shown, Aoyama Awakening his power comes out of nowhere, and Hagakure's appearance does feels extremely convenient.

"Decay" coming from "Overhaul": It could be that the wound is still fresh from this, but tying those two Quirks together raises so many questions and issues in the series. It felt like a pretty pointless addition that only caused issues.

Best Moment in the Anime:

Runners Up:

Worst Moment in the Anime:

Runners Up:

Once again, I have skipped out on this season. I haven’t been interested in picking it back up. Heck, I haven't even heard anyone say anything about it. Again, sorry if any of you were curious.

How would I summarize the year: I feel like things are starting to take a turn for the better.

What I would do differently: I really should close the ask box more often.

Thank you all for such a good year. Hopefully the next year will be better.

[alyssalenko]

Jingle Bells

Marlo tries to help Harry regain the Christmas Spirit he lost in his divorce with some sexy Christmas lingerie and some jingle bells...AO3

Marlo collapsed beside Harry on the sofa after she finished putting the star on top of the tree, Harry smiling as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and drew her against his side, kissing the top of her head. It was their first official Christmas together as a couple, and tomorrow everyone would be together, but for now it was just the two of them able to make the most of their time together. A fire crackled merrily in the hearth, and between it and the twinkling lights on the tree, the room had the coziest atmosphere. Marlo snuggled into him, her head on his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat, reminding her that they were both here and alive.

“What's your favorite Christmas tradition?” She asked, resting her head on his chest as she curled her legs up underneath her body and traced patterns on his pec with her fingers.

“My mother actually used to have all of us--me and my cousins, aunts and uncles, as well as her and my father–gather in the kitchen to make different treats from cookies to candies to hot chocolate. Just a nice way to have the family all together.”

“That's really sweet. Mom and dad always let D and I open one gift on Christmas eve--we were impatient as children and it kind of blossomed into tradition from there.” Marlo chuckled at the memory, Harry rubbing his hand up and down her arm as he pressed his cheek to her hair.

“Since the divorce, I haven't really done anything for the holidays.”

Marlo frowned and sat up--his ex-wife had really done a number on him and she hated it; he deserved so much better. “I think it's time we change that, combine both of our traditions and start getting back your Christmas Spirit. I need to get your first present ready, so I can't join you in the kitchen, is that all right?”

He nodded, the two of them extricating themselves from each other, Marlo heading into their bedroom and Harry heading into the kitchen. She'd been looking for an excuse and a way to change into the Christmas themed lingerie she'd secretly bought to seduce him with. Helping him get back his Christmas spirit was just a bonus. Marlo checked her reflection in the mirror as she placed a Santa hat on her head and tied a spring of mistletoe into the bow at her waist before she made her way over to the tree and arranged herself underneath it--Harry's one Christmas Eve present to open. After a moment's deliberation, she grabbed a candy cane off the tree, peeling the plastic down and sticking it in her mouth; a naughty idea forming in her head.

Harry nearly dropped both mugs of hot chocolate as he rounded the corner from the kitchen when he saw what was waiting for him. Marlo was lounging back on her elbows under the Christmas tree, a candy cane in her mouth, a Santa hat on her head, red gloves with white trim by her elbow and knee high black boots with gold buckles on her feet. Red poinsettias covered her nipples, red and green jingle bells dangling from them in front of discs that he realized said ‘Santa’s Slut’ as he got closer. She had a black satin ribbon wrapped around her stomach, a clump of mistletoe wound into the bow in front of her belly button, pointing at her red thong tied with white puffballs at her hips, the words ‘so nice, Santa came twice’, emblazoned in white lettering across the red fabric. He would have laughed if he wasn't so goddamned horny at the sight of her–if this was how she embraced the Christmas spirit, he was in for a very long season, indeed, but he was absolutely looking forward to it.

"Jesus Christ, Marlo." Harry growled, setting the mugs on the coffee table and running one hand through his hair as he cursed under his breath, a bulge tenting the front of his slacks as he reached down and adjusted himself in his pants. "You're going to give me a heart attack."

Marlo took the candy cane from her mouth and covered it back up with it's wrapping, grinning as she ran a hand over her bare hip and up her side, flicking the jingle bells dangling from her nipples, a pleasant chime tinkling in the air. She smirked as she bit her lip, Harry stepping closer and kneeling on the floor in front of where she lounged under the Christmas tree. Teasing fingers trailed along her leg, Harry pulling the zipper of one of her boots down slowly and pressing his lips to every inch of skin he exposed, before doing the same to the other side. He kissed his way from her ankles to her knees, Marlo biting her lip as he moved to her inner thigh, close to where she wanted his attention the most. Harry met her eyes as he placed a kiss to her clit through the fabric–the rules of mistletoe quite clear--before his forefinger and thumb closed around the ends of the dark ribbon wrapped around her torso, watching as the satin and the sprig fell away--she was the perfect present; his own little Christmas treat. His fingers closed around her ankles and he gave her a tug, pulling her out from under the tree as he trailed kisses up her stomach and along her jaw, Marlo gasping in surprise and draping one leg around his hips. She trailed one hand along his jawline, as the other one disappeared between them, a very specific destination in mind.

"I hope not; that'd certainly put a damper on the things I had arranged for you tonight. I was planning to do so many filthy things to you…but if you're not–” She smirked, hand stroking his erection through his pants. “-- up for it…”

Harry's lips on hers silenced the rest of her sentence–and here he'd thought she only made doctor puns. He rocked his hips against hers, the bells jingling faintly with the motion. He caught her hand in his as she reached for him, pressing a kiss to the inside of her elbow as he worked the white-trimmed red velvet glove down her arm, Marlo sighing in contentment as he turned his attention to the other glove. His lips teased the inside of her wrist and her fingertips, the gentleness with which he was handling her, despite the hard bulge rubbing against her core, nearly undid her. A low growl rose from his throat as she shimmied her hips, rolling them against his cock in invitation. Marlo locked her ankles behind him, bringing his erection flush up against her, Harry chucking darkly and thrusting forward a couple times for good measure making the bells jingle–he was going to remember this moment every time he heard bells from now on. He unhooked her legs from around his waist and inched backwards, gentle hands wrapping around her knees, parting her legs and opening her to him. He reached between them, her breath hitching as his thumb brushed her clit through the fabric of her underwear before he slipped his hand underneath the fabric and drew a finger through her dripping folds, making her writhe in pleasure, already so wound up and he'd barely touched her.

"Harry…" She breathed, as he dipped one finger inside her, her hips jerking towards his hand, the jingle bells on her nipple clamps tinkling again.

Her hand groped along the coffee table as he teased her mercilessly, fingers closing around the candy cane she'd had before and offering it to him, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“I think you aren't as good as these imply.” He whispered huskily as he pulled the crotch of her thong to the side, adding a second finger and pumping them in and out of her, drawing a moan from her throat and another chime from those damn bells.

“Lies and slander.” Marlo laughed breathlessly, hips stuttering as his fingers retreated from inside her and leaving her bereft.

His fingers grasped the candy cane by the curve at the end, unwrapping it and bringing the candy to his mouth, sliding the length of it through his lips from one end to the other. Marlo bit her lower lip as Harry rolled the peppermint candy through her folds, sliding it up and down through her arousal pooled there, in lieu of his finger. The steady rhythm of the candy cane rubbing up and down against her clit halted, a small growl of indignation escaping her lips. He spun the peppermint stick in his grip, easing the candy cane inside her to the crook and drawing it back out of her at the same pace his fingers had just set, both of them watching as it went from white with red stripes to pink and sticky.

Her eyes fell closed on a moan, chest heaving as Harry replaced the candy cane with his mouth. The tip of his tongue traced her slit, wet with her arousal and faintly tasting of mint. Marlo canted her hips invitingly, begging for him to devour her...and he intended to do just that. He plunged his tongue inside her, making her back arch and bells jingle, his name almost a chant on her lips as he closed his mouth over her dripping pussy and sucked hard, tongue flicking at her clit. When he sucked the little nub between his lips and tugged it gently, she came apart at the seams.

He caught her eye from his position between her legs, her breathing ragged as she came down from the high of her orgasm, Harry placing a teasing kiss to the tattoo on her hip bone, before kissing his way back up her body. Heat and desire lurked behind his eyes...he wanted— needed —to be inside her, to feel her walls stretching and shifting around his cock. His hands went to the button of his slacks as he loomed up over her as his lips found hers in a hungry kiss, tongue teasing hers when it slipped between her parted lips. He pushed his pants off his hips, freeing his throbbing erection as he widened the gap of her thighs with his hips, rubbing his cock up and down along her folds coating himself in her wetness. He paused before slowly entering her, letting her feel every inch of him as he filled her to the hilt.

He thrust forward. Once. Twice. Her insides stretched to accommodate him as he fucked her, the rhythm of his hips erratic and the bells tinkling with every move they made. Harry interlaced his fingers with hers and brought her hand to his lips, the tenderness of the gesture tugging at her heartstrings, as he rocked his erection against the roll of her hips. His hands ghosted over her breasts, the nipple clamps magnifying his every touch. He flicked one of the bells, letting the chime resonate for a few seconds before brushing his thumb over one of the poinsettias, a whimper of pleasure escaping past her lips. His touches were frantic, the need hitting him like a tidal wave as he thrust forward again the tension inside him climbing higher, a shiver racking his body. He wasn’t going to last much longer. Harry thrust harder, deeper, as he reached between them to tease her. Marlo moaned, head falling back, walls closing tightly around his shaft and dragging his orgasm from him on a shuddering breath. He buried his face in her neck and inhaled deeply, taking a moment to catch his breath and gaze at her lovingly, his finger circling her clit slowly.

He rocked his hips once more, the friction sending Marlo over the edge of ecstasy to join him in mindless oblivion.

“Are you feeling a little more festive?” Marlo panted, trying to catch her breath.

“I may need a little more convincing, though I think we can do without the jingle bells this time.”

“I find your lack of cheer disturbing.” She giggled, leaning up and placing a kiss to his shoulder.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Au contraire–this little sexcapade was just what I needed. But you don't need me getting horny every time a bell rings because I can't help but remember this.”

“I don't know. I think that's exactly what I want. Now, Santa, I think we need to go again. You have a quota to meet.” Marlo giggled, pointing to the twice in ‘so nice, Santa came twice’ on her underwear and making Harry chuckle as he rolled onto his back and lowered her onto his already hard again erection.

At this point he'd have to reheat the hot chocolate he'd made, but it was worth it–and for now he had some more Christmas spirit to regain with her by his side every step of the way.

[yourlocalwheeliebin]

Driving Home to Bucky After A Long Day

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x (Gender Neutral) Reader 

Word Count: 1.3k

TW: None 

AN: Just a short but sweet one shot about our favorite boy. This has sat in my google docs for a ass time so I hope you all enjoy! Okay, mags out!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

It’s been a long day. Too long for it to only be a Wednesday. You're having to work late because one of your colleagues fucked up some paperwork after a mission that you now need to fix. Your boss is nice enough to ask if you need dinner orders but you tell them no and you'll eat when you get home. “Fucking Sara, how do you screw up a goddamn injury form this badly” you groan, filling out anther claim made by our colleague. 

Finally, after around 3 hours past your usual shift, you're able to leave for Buck's. You look out the window and the rain has only gotten heavier on the cold November night. It’s pitch black out apart from city lights and cars that drove past. You shut down your computer, grab your coat and start to head out. In the lift, you message Bucky letting him know you're finally on the way home. It's almost 8pm. 

You run to your car, holding your jacket over your head to not get too wet. You sit there for a few minutes to let out a deep sigh and release some stress that you'd been holding. Starting up your car, you turn on the heating and connect your phone up to the Bluetooth. Songs that remind you of Bucky start to play, a feeling of ease finally washes over you as you pull out of the parking lot. 

Traffic in Brooklyn is brutal, the journey home taking far longer than you'd like it to. The lights of other cars slowly strained your tired eyes. The yells and noise of the city deafened by the music playing through the speaker. Your clothes and hair slowly dry as you drive, wondering how much longer the journey will take.

Pulling up to Bucky's apartment, you turn off the car and lie back on the seat for a second. Almost steadying the tiredness and stress from the day before you venture into the apartment complex. The area isn't the nicest but it's near where he grew up. A rough blue eyed boy from Brooklyn who deserved the world waiting for you to come home to him. Mentally cursing how many stairs you'll have to climb since the lift is out of order. 

Entering the building, the dusty smell of the cold building is a stark contrast to the cold November air outside. The climb up the stairs felt like an eternity, the walls getting progressively dirtier as you climb each flight. Standing outside the door of Buck’s apartment at last, you slowly open the door to the dimly lit home. 

Bucky's apartment wasn't much. He rented it when it was just himself living there, not taking into account meeting you or the fact he deserved more than just four dingy walls. Parts of you linger in each room, a daily reminder that you’re real and not just part of some sick dream. That you're really with him, not planning to leave any time soon. 

From the toothbrush in the bathroom; to the extra blankets and cushions you bought for the living room so the leather of the beat up old sofa wouldn't stick to your skin after hours of watching TV together cuddled up. Fairy lights hung up in the bedroom and living room, a fond memory from when you put them up at Christmas the year before but never took them down since you thought they looked pretty. He couldn't help agreeing, saying they looked beautiful as he stared at you rather than the yellow lights decorating the walls. 

The small kitchen held home to kitchenware that you bought once you found out he only had two pots and a frying pan for pancakes. A cheesy apron hung up on the edge of the door that had "Kiss the Cook'' on the front, a joke gift that a friend of yours bought you for your birthday. 

Though the apartment was small and there was barely enough room to move in it, he wouldn't change it for the world. His room didn't have a door to separate it from the living room and sure, the heating didn't work half the time and don't get him started on the guy on the 2nd floor who flirts with you every time he runs into you....he wouldn't change it one bit of it meant a life without you. 

Walking through the door, the smell of cinnamon, leather and dust washed over you. A warm welcoming smell that always felt like home to you. He always seemed to smell like old leather, pine and something sweet that you couldn't quite put your finger on. You took off your shoes and called out to Bucky as you put down your bag and jacket on the small side table that was next to the front door. 

You looked around for Bucky as you walked in. The kitchen island was tidy for once and the wooden floor had been mopped. 'Must have cleaned while I was out' you thought as you walked towards the sofa in the middle of the living room. An old Friends rerun playing on the TV again. 

Buck walks out from the bathroom in a t-shirt and a pair of tracksuit bottoms, looking freshly showered with his wet hair sticking to his forehead. He comes over with a smile on his face, eyes still the brightest blue you'd ever seen, and envelopes you in a hug. He asks how work was as he leaves a kiss on your forehead. You explain your day before quickly heading off to change out of your work attire.

After changing and finally feeling comfortable again, you walk into the living room. The main lights had been turned off, the fairy lights from Christmas were turning the room a warm and cosy yellow. Some candles were lit on the kitchen island and on the TV stand as some soft music played in the background. You laugh a little as you walk over to him. Sat on the sofa, Bucky smiles at you, knowing how hard today must have been.

"Long day?" He asked. "God, don’t get me started” Buck stood up from the sofa, making is way to the middle of the small living room and placed a hand on your lower back and slowly pulled you in for a kiss. “I would gladly have rather spent the day here”. Buck let out a small breathy laugh, “well you’re here now” he says, almost whispering as if was trying to convince himself you were real. 

“How'd you do this all while I was getting changed? I was only in there for like 5 minutes, Buck". He takes your hands in his as Louis Armstrong starts to play through the speaker. "I may have planned this out a bit before you got home. Plus, food has been ordered. Got your favorite" He said with that same sweet smile he always gives you. Even though your tired, that damn Bucky Barnes Charm is irresistible. 

“Wow look at you go, ordering food from your phone” He scoffs sarcastically. “Hey, I am perfectly capable ordering from the phone, it’s not rocket science” You laugh, resting your forehead against his. “I know, I’m only joking old man”. 

He pulls you close and starts to sway to the music. The windows open slightly let in the light noise of rain and that ambiance of the city outside. It all adds to the small bubble the two of you had made in the apartment. The song changes to Can't Help Falling In Love With You as he places another kiss on your forehead. 

"I love yah, Doll. You know that right?" You turn your head to face him. The swaying stops and his hands rest on your waist. His face, dimly lit by the fairy lights and candles. "I know, I love you too Buck. Always have, always will". The two of you go back to softly swaying to the music, wrapped in each others warmth. Feeling safe in the world for a moment. 

[simptasia]

Stranger Things, to test your dashboard osmosis abilities

stranger things is a netflix's favourite child

its set in the 80s and has a very speilberg-y vibe

it's about a group of kids (eventually teenagers) who live in a world with some kind of supernatural fuckery going on

i'm not sure why they're a part of it. do they solve mysteries? does something bad happen to them? i dunno

finn wolfhard plays one of the mains, and this show is what made him famous (he's ritchie from the modern IT movies to me)

there's a place called "the upside down", its like, another dimension...?

theres a thing called the demigorgon or something and i've never seen it but i think it has tentacles

one of the kids, dustin, has no front teeth due to a medical disorder his actor has and thats pretty neat

theres a girl with short hair named eleven and she has telekinesis. again, i do not know how her and the other kids factor together. i think she was raised in a government facility?

winona ryder is here. christmas lights

sheriff hopper has a mouth watering physique. that is to say, i have stared at some very indulgent gifsets of this man

every season there is a character that the fandom utterly adores but then they die and everybody loses their mind. especially over this guy named eddie munson. of all the stranger things stuff i see on my dash over the years, eddie has been like. Near Constant. endless eddie. it's died down some but wowee. eddie is into heavy metal and lord of the rings and he seems like a nice boy

one of the older kids, steve harrington, used to be a jerk but now he's a sweetie and everybody loves him

there is a cute girl with a ponytail who apparently deserved better

theres a bully dude with a mullet that people either love or loathe. and i've seen fights about this

these kids play D&D

theres a kid with a bowl cut and people keep fighting over whether he is gay or ace. it's really weird, as if those things can't exist in one being. or that one person's headcanons cancel outs somebody elses. some ppl can think he's gay and other ppl can think he's ace, there's no need to fight about it, geez

i dunno the plot of this thing, only vibes and the general idea of the characters. tho it occurs to me i dunno half their names

everybody loved this show and super gushed about it but now everybody hates this show so i guess a dip in quality ensued?

well i dunno much about this show but i've sure as fuck seen lotsa meta and gushing over eddie munson and steve harrington

and hopper's plump ass

[evilminji]

....Damian picked a REALLY good way to bond, ngl. I bet Danny is incredibly touched? Like everyone's always "oh you can't do that D:< " etc but here is his new brother looking him calmly in the eyes saying "he has hurt you? Torn your family apart and made your childhood hell? Then I will help you make him pay. I believe you when you say he deserves this." Like?? 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭 b-bro *is extremely touched* *new favorite brother achieved*

They aren't gonna WIN, mind you. Santa has canonical fought and delivered to both Satan AND Darseid, ANNUALLY. WHILE they knew he was coming. Plus he has the devastating surprise final attack that WILL absolutely win the day against Danny..... he's a genuinely, incredibly, unrestrainedidly Good & Kind old man who just wants to help people and make people happy. He WOULD let Danny destroy him, after giving it "his all" (for the children!), if that meant Danny could be happy again. Could be healed.

But it WON'T. And Danny's gonna know that, standing over the "defeated" Santa. It was his parents. THEY ruined Christmas. THEY chose to fight. THEY decided being right... was more important... then... he was... oh. Oh.

All he wanted was his family together. Santa can't bring that though can he?

But he CAN, and he points to the Bats, fighting along side him or to stop him from making a terrible mistake because they CARE. And Santa is sorry it took him so long to get him his present, families don't fit in boxes you see, and it took a while for him to make his case to Fate. He wore them down though~! *cheerful old man twinkle*

And GDI now Danny can't be MAD at him? Stop that! Cease and desist! I still hate your holiday! *trying to be upset and failing noises, mostly just old sorrows healing and general grumbles noises* And Santa's like, that's COMPLETELY OKAY, young man! Bouncing up like "lol, suprise, I actually LET you wail on me but I'm in reality completely fine! I did it to make you feel better AND IT WORKED TOO" to much outraged squawking and "You played me!" "Like a Cheap Kazoo! :D " (sassy santa?! Noooo now Danny REALLY has to like him!!! You bastard!)

Cause like? Santa doesn't care ONE BIT if you buy the tree or do the decorations or any of the commercialism bits of holiday. He cares if you are TOGETHER with those you love and are happy. Split a cupcake and call it a night for all he cares, as long as you do it together and tried to be/do good during the year leading up to it. Which Danny can't argue with. Stop being so Nice and Wholesome, Santa! He wanted to PUNCH SOMEBODY to get some catharsis damn it! He can't punch nice old men!

"Tell ya what," *gentle hand on the shoulder, cheerful eye twinkle ✨* "when it comes time to deliver? You want to come help me deliver a very special piece of coal to Darkseid? You can be my honorary elf for the day."

Danny learns the true meaning of Christmas.... Violence against parademons. Close enough? It's a work in progress.

Fade to credits on the Dc×Dp Christmas special!

Damian doesn't know who Santa Claus is and Danny tries to gaslight him into believing in Santa

Okay but, like, wouldn't even be gaslighting! Santa canonically does exist in the DC universe, I think I remember reading something about him fighting through an army in hell to give Darkseid a single piece of coal once?

So like, Danny doesn't have to gaslight Damian into believing Santa's real, he just has to pull out the proof (Danny has a binder of everything he knows about the Spirit of Christmas for the purpose of when he eventually goes to war with him, Danny hates Christmas so fucking much haha) and show him evidence that Santa is real.

Probably ranting the entire time about how much he hates the guy & Christmas and it's obvious that this is Danny's arch nemesis. His one true villain above all others. Pariah Dark? A nuisance. Dark Dan? Just a tuesday. Santa? That motherfucker is the bane of Danny's existence and he will pay for what he's done (spread Christmas cheer).

And Danny's the newest member to the family. Damian's been encouraged to get to know his new brother and try and bond with him a bit, make him feel like part of the family. So, obviously, the best way to do that is to help Danny in his quest for vengeance.

And of course Tim & Jason end of getting roped in on this. Damian's grown since he's first came to live with his father. He still is a little brat to his older brothers - he's the baby of the family it's his right - but he doesn't actively hate them anymore and can admit when their particular skills would be useful. Tim is the best at strategizing, and Jason is a combat master with access to all sorts of weapons. With all of them working together Santa has no chance, they will destroy him.

Which all just makes me think of something like this happening lol:

“What…uh, what are they doing?” Duke glanced between the chaos unfolding in the family room to where Dick was calmly seated in his favorite chair, sipping idly at a cup of coffee.

“Sibling bonding.” Dick said. There was that specific aura of calm around him that said that he’d already gone through several crisis and all the stages of grief at least twice. Considering the calamity and chaos the eldest batkid had seen over the years - and especially the last few months since Bruce officially adopted Danny and brought him into the fold - it was a bad sign that he’d reached this particular state of Done (TM) before noon. The earliest Dick even woke up was two in the afternoon.

Duke contemplated turning around right then and there - the particular combination of people all excitedly feeding off each other’s feral energy on the other side of the room was a catastrophe in the making he didn’t want to be anywhere near when it finally breached containment and spilled out into the wider world - but unfortunately he was cursed with the curiosity that afflicted all members of the bat clan.

“It looks like they’re plotting to try and kill Santa Claus.”

Dick turned to look at Duke fully for the first time since he’d entered the room. He had the eyes of one that was deeply haunted by the horrors they had witnessed. On the other side of the room Tim was ranting about anti-magic tech while Danny, Damian and Jason argued over what weapons would be most effective against a demi god. There were schematics of what looked worryingly like a rocket launcher looking device that - if the scribbles on the whiteboard someone had drug into the room where to be believed - was going to be rigged to shoot ecto-grenades.

“Danny hates Christmas.” Dick said, and Duke noticed for the first time that his hands around the coffee cup were faintly trembling. “He’s declared Santa is his arch nemesis.”

Duke blinked, glancing over to the others long enough to see Danny start frantically scribbling the words Christmas Nuke on the whiteboard. No one else was trying to erase it. Tim looked worriedly contemplative. Damian and Jason where both nodding in agreement.

He was going to regret this. “But Santa isn’t real?”

Dick’s eyes gained a faintly manic glean, and Duke could faintly hear the sound of porcelain creaking warningly beneath the desperate hold he had on his coffee cup. “That’s what I thought!” Dick said, with enough cheer to make Duke flinch back instinctively. “But apparently he is.” A distinct crack appeared in the cup, coffee dripping down into Dick’s lap. “And apparently they’re going to war with him!”

Well, Duke considered, at least that explained why he caught the four of them burning down the giant Christmas tree in the city center last night.

[planetnini]

Hi hi again Nini, I'm back! Sorry it's been a few days, I actually just took my last final on Tuesday and so I spent all of yesterday just sleeping and recovering from this semester lol :)

And aaah congrats on passing for the semester, you made it through! And I'm glad the work dinner was fun too, it seems like you have so much going on and I'm glad it's all going pretty well for you!

I totally feel you about Gojo lol he was instantly my fave in JJK and probably my second fave character ever lol so there's something we have in common! And oooh you live in Australia? A hot Christmas sounds so foreign to me but it's nice that you and your family all have fun and celebrate together, it seems like you and your family are all really close :D

For my questions today, I wanted to know what your favorite Christmas movie(s) is/are, and what your favorite color is! I hope you're doing well!

- Your Secret Santa 🎁

omg hi sorry secret santa! ive been so so busy recently so i apologise for not getting back to you:”)

yesss have ur well deserved break.. can’t believe i finished my finals the same week it started ;-; anyways my past few days have been packed and full of things but i should be free next week hehe

as for gojo and jjk in general, it was one of the animes i found on my own like i just was like this looks interesting and then as i was catching up i realised this is the most i’ve been invested in something since haikyuu. ofc gojo caught my eye and the rest is history 😭 jjk0 really solidified that gojo was my fav he was so fine in that movie… (he’s always fine but esp that movie)

yes we live in aus the weather fluctuates like crazy bc yesterday was around 30°C but now it’s raining like crazy. i’m very close with my family and i love them loads.

my favourite christmas movie might have to be home alone but i’ll be honest and tell you i do not watch a lot of christmas movies so </3 my favourite colour has to be yellow or blue but not the generic ones maybe like pale yellow like my blog and like a royal blue colour or baby blue!

thanks so much, hope you’re well <3333

[kitkatt0430]

And because I'm too impatient to wait to watch the final episode, time for Ep8 of Up Here. Let's finish this.

Well, Miguel's new apartment looks nice. And he and Yogurt will hopefully be happy there. And of course after how the last episode ended, Lindsay's been living in the Y. So she's getting into a very awkward situation with her former roommate. In the same apartment as before because former-turned-current roommate is now dating the guy whose place she was illegally squatting in.

I... honestly don't know if I want him to find out or not. Like... if he was a real person? Definitely deserved to know. But for a tv show? Will the drama benefit Lindsay's story?

Awww, Miguel's miserable without Lindsay. And she misses him too. I like their 'I hope your Christmas sucks as much as mine' song. :D

And now Lindsay's hero is letting her down. At least he's not trying to steal her book, that was a worry for me.

And the porn from the earlier episode is coming back to bite Miguel in the ass. Not surprised. And Kevin's eagerness to throw Chris under the bus clearly unsettles Miguel. Looks like being the shark whatever isn't what he hoped for.

Yay, they're talking again. Arguing. Whatever.

I am taking the dog's side in the biting incident though. Older dogs often have bad hearing which makes loud noises very upsetting. And when someone is shouting at their person?

Miguel being so inspired by Lindsay's story that he gets himself fired. And tells Lindsay that her story is wonderful, as is she. Awwww

In turn Lindsay's inspired to stand up for her book. I'm glad.

Miguel and his dad talking is lovely. I'm glad this conversation is going better than Lindsay's talk with her mom. And now we're finding out what's up with the red door.

Yogurt is a cute special dog indeed. Though all dogs are cute special dogs. I say as I type this while cuddling my own cute special dog.

Awww, Miguel illustrated her story for her. :D I love it, those pictures are so cute.

Lindsay and Miguel both heading out to try and meet each other and they're gonna miss each other, aren't they?

Them running away from their insecurities/choruses together is fun to watch. The big reprise song is pretty awesome too.

And thankfully it's real-ish in that they did end up finding each other after all. Glad we didn't end on a 'they just missed each other' cliff hanger.

Awww, "I love you" at New Year with fireworks going off as they kiss.

Hehehe, Lindsay's pregnant. And their choruses immediately? Freak out. Nice ending.

I do hope there is a season 2 because I wanna know how they navigate having a baby when they're currently not living together and Miguel just lost his job. But also I want them to work together to get Lindsay's book published with his illustrations and move in together and Miguel to find a job that doesn't suck.

But it works as a stand alone season too, so I don't think I'll be upset if there isn't a season 2.

[thatrandomartistjavi]

Bro look at how small Tinsel is

[ptergwen]

i saw this tik tok where someone give their bf custom lego figures of them self’s (the small ones and they were so cute:,)) ) and i was wondering if you could write something where the reader gives that (and more like a camera!) to peter for christmas:)

(and may and happy and there too!)

warnings: some suggestiveness? kinda?

a/n: merry christmas to everyone celebrating i hope today is filled with love and light for you all and that you stay safe <3 enjoy! more to come :D

-

you’re at peter’s and aunt may’s for your intimate christmas celebration, along with happy. the four of you are huddled in a circle in the living room while you exchange gifts.

may kicked it off with a cookbook from peter. it also serves as a gift for himself, since he’ll no longer be subjected to taste testing her experimental recipes. peter’s turn is next, following the order of the circle.

“alright, what’s it gonna be?” peter asks around your group.

he rubs his hands together as he looks over the pile of presents.

“how about that one?” may points to the one in question. “i just love the wrapping, those little dancing elves.”

she glances between you and happy as if to ask who it’s from. you nod toward happy with a snicker, his cheeks burning bright red.

“you did this, hap?” may gawks and gestures to the carefully decorated box. “the bow and all?”

happy scoffs, trying to downplay his efforts.

“kid deserves something nice,” he replies. “besides, dum-e helped.”

may leans into happy so she can plant a grateful kiss on his cheek, which earns a teasing wiggle of your eyebrows.

step-uncle of the year.

peter is still preoccupied by sorting through presents. he finds another that piques his interest, holding it up to his ear and shaking.

“y/n?” peter calls for your input. “what d’you think about this one?”

your face lights up upon recognizing the present in his hands.

“ooh, that’s from me!” you squeeze peter’s knee. “you’re gonna love it, pete. open it, open it!”

peter grins at your excitement, bumping his knee with yours gently. you hook both arms around his bicep and rest your chin on his shoulder.

“i’ll do yours after, happy,” he decides, your gift seated in his lap. “but first, i gotta know what’s in here.”

“sure, kid. it’s not going anywhere… i hope,” happy mumbles the last part.

he hopes?

rubbing his arm for comfort, may flashes you and peter a smile.

“well, you heard the lady. open it!” she encourages. “pressure’s on, huh?” peter chuckles, gazing over at you.

you take one of his hands and set it atop the box in response.

peter sees you beaming through his peripherals when he begins to tear the paper. he does so painstakingly slow, eyes continuing to dart from the box to you. this waiting game is torture because you’ve been anticipating his reaction for the longest.

the gasp peter lets out once he finally has it open makes the suspense worth it.

“no way!” he squeaks. “is this me as a freaking lego?”

sure enough, the figure is dressed in peter’s usual attire of a flannel and cargo pants with his gelled hair to match. it’s accurate even down to the smile.

there’s also a lego to resemble you. peter retrieves it from its case before his own.

“and, oh my god! this is you!”

he waves it around to show may and happy. may pushes up her glasses to get a better look, happy’s brows raised curiously.

“y/n,” peter actually giggles your name. “babe, this is… these are… they’re awesome! how’d you do this?”

you tilt your head up towards him with your same toothy smile.

“they’re custom made,” you reveal. “‘cuz i know you have, like, every other lego set in existence. not this one, though.”

peter pecks your lips sweetly, his free hand settling on your thigh.

“thank you so much, baby,” he speaks only loud enough for you to hear. “you managed to combine my two favorite things. you, and legos.”

“aw, pete. of course,” you coo. “you’re the sweetest. merry christmas, my love.”

peter pulls you in for more kisses, you gladly reciprocating.

“blew our gifts right out of the water,” may whispers to happy, shooing at the legos. “we’ll see about that,” happy challenges.

you break the kiss with a mischievous smirk, grabbing both of the legos. peter chews on his lower lip.

“wanna play?” you prompt him.

he takes his lego back from you and lowers his voice to respond, tone serious as he warns…

“don’t tell ned.”

[waywardnerd67]

Snow Globe

Title: Snow Globe Summary: Headed back from a hunt, Dean pulls over when it starts snowing. Paring: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 834 Rating: E - Everyone Warnings: Fluff Square Filled: First Snowfall Bingo Card: @spnchristmasbingo​ A/N: None

Check Out: 2022 Christmas Bingo Masterlist

Dean stared out over the dash of Baby. The roads were slick from rain as they drove back to Kansas. Glancing over, (Y/N) had her head pressing against the window sleeping peacefully. In the last year, a lot for him had changed including this amazing woman beside him slicing her way into his heart. He had tried to push her away, but she was more stubborn than he was.

He reached over grabbing her hand and lacing their fingers together. Her eyes fluttered open long enough to slide over and snuggle into his side. Her head resting on his chest, bringing his arm down over her chest hugging it to her. Looking out over the road again, there was nothing Dean could imagine being more perfect than him and (Y/N) cruising down an empty highway in Baby.

As he crossed over the Kansas state line, the universe decided to show him how things could be even better. Snowflakes began falling on the windshield and the fields around them began to be covered in a soft white blanket. Dean pulled over onto the shoulder of the road, watching the snow falling all around them.

“(Y/N)? Hey sweetheart, wake up.” He whispered, kissing the top of her head.

“What? Tired and warm. Not waking up.” She grumbled, snuggling against him more.

Dean chuckled, lifting her chin to kiss down her nose then her lips, “I promise it’s worth opening your eyes for.”

“This better be good, Winchester…” She groaned, “Oh wow.”

He watched her eyes widened as she looked all around them. The snow was steadily coming down all around them. A beautiful smile spread across her face when she looked back at him.

“It’s like we’re in our own personal snow globe.”

Her childlike wonder never ceases to amaze him. All the bad, the ugly, the truly terrible things she had seen in her life and yet she could still see the good in the world. And in him.

“I love you.”

The words were out of his mouth before he could even think about them. (Y/N)'s smile turned into a grin before she chuckled.

“I know.” She leaned up kissing him, “But it’s nice to finally hear you say it.”

“I… wh-what?” He stammered, bringing out her beautiful laugh.

“The whole, I-Don’t-Do-Love mask never worked on me. I could see through it and knew you needed to come to the realization that you love me on your own time.” (Y/N) kissed him again, “You are worth waiting for and that’s what I did.”

His mind and heart were having a loud argument rather to be impressed or upset or accepting that the woman before him was one of a kind. She deserved better than some grunt. She deserved the world at her feet worshiping her like the goddess she is.

“Stop it. I can see what you're thinking and it’s not true. I’m right where I belong. By your side, in Baby going down crazy street.” She slid over to her side, opening the door, “Now come on, let’s go play in the snow!”

Completely stunned, he watched her outside twirling in the falling snow trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue. Dean got out, leaning against Baby and watching the woman he loved laughing like a child.

“Come on, Dean!”

She pulled him out into the middle of the road, looking up to the sky and sticking her tongue. He mirrored her and started laughing as she began to twirl them both around.

When they stopped, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard. Her arms slipped around his waist beneath his jacket.

“Whoa! Cold!” He broke the kiss when her cold hands went up into his shirt sending waves of cold against his skin.

“Let’s get back to the bunker so you can warm me up.” She whispered against his lips before kissing him.

When she went to step away he pulled her back to him, “I think you forgot something.” He smirked.

“What?”

He placed his hands on either side of her face, “I love you, (Y/N).”

Dean needed to hear her say it back. It had been killing him that she hadn’t said it back. Logically, he knew it was ridiculous to need her to say it. To reassure him that he was indeed loved and worthy of her saying those three words to him.

“Dean Winchester, are you having a chick flick moment?” She giggled.

He rolled his eyes, “So sue me. Please…”

Her arms slipped around neck, “I love you too, Dean. I’m like crazy, stupid in love with you and if you can get us home then I will spend the rest of the night showing you how much I love you.”

Dean scooped her up over his shoulder and carried her to the backseat of Baby. Her giggles filled the car until they were silenced by him showing her how much he truly loved her.

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[sugar-petals]

boyfriend!KAI HAVERTZ: d u a l i t y (m.)

↳ ⎡ a chaotic headcanon all about kai’s sweet and sexy sides. 🌿 

# word count. 7.9k 

☼ genre. established relationship au, fluff/humor, smut

WARNINGS. ⚠️ hurt and comfort, x fem!reader, mature themes + explicit language (minors dni), romance mixed with thirst & possessiveness lite, oral sex: both receiving, pretty boy/prince kink (oof), sub!kai if you squint, brief mentions of alcohol and online harassment, body shaming 

♡ 【 ＮＯＴＥ】› every now & then i emerge from my cave to write for the sports fandom. i usually create football intro posts, today it’s plot and banter ✍️ featuring guess who: the supermodel incarnate. a handsome mf too fascinating not to create a detailed universe about (yep, sit back and snack a pretzel). since this football season couldn’t be any more stressful - holy hell 💀🤕 - here comes the soft!kai wholesomeness, some juicy nsfw distraction while we’re at it, and a big portion of unhinged crack. in that sense, hope this has something entertaining for everyone. enjoy!

read on AO3 

being constantly head over heels for each other is your couple energy. my goodness me, the reaction of your friends is absolutely tell-tale. they’re either going ‚aww… never seen anything like this‘ or ‚oh my god just get a room, ye freakin’ lovebirds!‘. it’s always either-or, which is where the dual nature of the whole relationship already shows. it radiates the ultimate comfort, but also… hell yeah, electrifies. that just can’t get boring. the topic of having two sides of a coin is pretty much the red ribbon of kai and you being together, and there’s a lot to say about it.

kai is a model boyfriend in every meaning of the word. a textbook cuddly romeo slash elven king /and/ an actual model stunner (geez, all that body — he’s just a masterpiece). oh, lucky you. but, even if you’re always glued to one another, you are also decisively independent people by the sheer force of irony. this goes down at the flick of a switch to suit your individual needs. kai is always in the know. you figured out in mere weeks just how to respect each other’s me zone. you’re the type to run around attached at the hip with a couple scarf at the christmas market, but also stray apart for your own business all the time when needed. makes for a nice balance. no pressure, but also no sense of feeling desolate.

if you crave your alone time, your tall ass babe — who’s really good at picking up on those things — is suddenly busy with training, paperwork, or dozing off for days like he’s now sleeping beauty. cute, pretty, gorgeous, lovely, showstopping, never done before. that way, you can live out your hermit fantasy the way you want. going feral in nature, driving your bike around anywhere, or wrapping yourself into a blanket burrito to just live online for days and days. he won’t bother you. kai himself is the type to seek retreat for healing time with his animals, you’re similar in that regard. his social media is switched off for a day or two, the phone’s for emergencies: just for him to return back home with some hay in his hair, ready to be obsessed with each other all over again.

from the outside, this might seem like an on-and-off process to a perfect stranger, but it isn’t. you really yearn for one another in the distance, and never really part for longer than a week. if possible, with a schedule of that scale. the separation being involuntary… is a different thing. repeated away matchdays without you attending the stadium are hell for needy kai who’s gonna be in a terrible unkissed mood walking and talking and looking like he morphed into some kind of lovesick robot with the exterior of kai lukas havertz. the poor lil’ babycakes honestly, he doesn’t deserve that. his teammates are always gonna hear one sentence. i miss my girlfriend, i feel so bad. it’s common knowledge that he’s perfectly capable of being a productive citizen, but the no-gf days just put his brain into a blender. you do your best being patient and send pics of you nestled into his jerseys, or random memes to bridge the time. it helps for an hour, but not a whole weekend. when germans are feeling all alone, they turn into tragic broken 18th-century poets that ran out of ink. it’s the great havertzian existential crisis, oh boy.

this shit’s gonna eat him up from the inside. you have to be with each other in person. other people around him will also start to feel the longing as if it’s their own. kai is definitely wiping away some tears when he’s switching off the light by himself in a random hotel room. dizzy from jetlag and his body hurt, he then so painfully realizes again and again how it’s precious time lost with you. if he’s not already on video call, your woeful honey boy looks through his camera roll three times a day just to see you smile or prank him for breakfast, announcing you will stan fc cologne. every picture you drop on socials is a holy grail. without his gf brainrot, kai simply cannot function. truth is, he feels incomplete when there’s no ongoing comments to sincerely tell him he’s so sweet and pretty an obnoxious amount of times a day. at least ten times. sixty is your record. forty to go. you know the drill. records exist to be broken.

and don’t think you’re the only one, showering him with compliments like that. kai is always the first to interact — even when he’s on pitch getting axed by yet another witless defender, your man carries his phone in the other hand retweeting your latest one-liners. he often types out a whole emotional paragraph but deletes it before hitting send. kai’s gonna say it to you the next time you’ll sleep with each other (which is always under the category ‚very soon‘, so don’t worry). instead, his messages are to the point. he knows heart emojis you didn’t even know existed. this man is a walking notification squad, he’s whipped, he hypes you up, he needs you, he’s fanboying 24/7, he will do anything for his queen. if you asked him to volley kick none other than break-iano phone-naldo into the rings of neptune to forever keep him floating there for the sake of mankind, he will do it. and yes, he smiles and coos at his screen so unapologetically like he’s reading fluff on ao3. post some pics cuddling the dogs? he’s blowing up your devices with likes and excited yelling in two seconds.

and meanwhile, in your world: everyone in your social environment is gonna be bombarded with the ‚i miss my idiot so much, why is he not here‘ faces of yours on the regular. even if you don’t say it out loud, everybody knows. it’s incredibly obvious to all your friends that the lack of your favorite cuddle bug’s presence has left one giant spiritual void. at home, you turn into a cryptid couch potato for days on end, cry-masturbating to some arguably stunning kai nudes (somebody hang ’em in the louvre already) or having sad phone calls at 3AM when it really becomes too unbearable. if it weren’t for the dogs, that house would be too big and too empty. almost spooky, in fact. imagine then the splendid nights when kai returns.

this is gonna be a firework of emotion and rolling around in the sheets. unless the more heated phone calls are concerned, you bet your season ticket that kai has not touched himself otherwise. even under the shower it goes, this doesn’t work man, i just can’t. let’s be real and honest: he’s all wired to you. his dick is like, „not sorry! closed hours until further notice :3“ whenever it doesn’t sense the aura of the queen. he couldn’t get it up with ten blue pills an hour. havertz junior is fast asleep downstairs. kai solely wants his one and only couch potato cryptid and no one else. man, is he in love. the prince of habsburg will really do anything for his goddess. he’ll sell his leg hair. only the scent of your skin makes him flustered and safe, and lord knows kai will always ask to steal a hoodie before going on a journey. he once made the whole chelsea bus yearn for love when he wrapped the sleeves around his upper body in his deep sleep while talking to the sweater. he also mumbled something hot which we’re not gonna recite here. play sucker for you by the jonas brothers: that’s exactly the theme.

yeah, let’s talk about some more uplifting bits as well, all in good humor. when it comes down to it, one of the best parts of the famous kai duality is that he is both a consummate living glam boy toy straight out of a 2010’s haircut magazine, but also a 100% trophy boyfriend kinda type. all built into one person, shoutout to his parents. they really created something. taking the trophy part literal here: give it up for the big game player, he has a few. regardless, and goddamn, doesn’t he kinda qualify as a glittering trophy himself? because he’s bedazzled with wonderfulness and the whole world wants to win his heart, badum-tss.

you’re very proud of him always. he has you dishing out the cutesy forehead kisses for real. theoretically. his forehead is way up high there, and the bean already has back problems from bending to tie his shoe laces (his dogs decide to help him out frequently). not to mention from carrying the entire ‚only romantic guy in a 1000 mile radius‘ agenda on his back. so, kissing his knees is also okay. easy to reach. they need some TLC from all the running and bruises, win-win scenario. and who said knees aren’t attractive. you’re gonna be out there routinely flirting with your baby in his DMs like oh hello, setting another standard there my westphalian prince, god of all leg and foot, your revealed ankles would have truly caused a scandal in the victorian age tabloids. like come on, we have to dig up the truth: every proper wag has a full-fledged leg and foot fetish. legs are literally 90% of her man’s job. do you think she won’t notice? and even if you did not once think about shit like sexy blue football shoes and a perfectly fitted pair of socks before: your boyfriend’s body changed your mind.

nice leggies aren’t even the tip of the iceberg with kai. boy can just stand there and it tells anyone that 1) your flirting game is A+ and truly unhinged, otherwise you’d not be able to bring him along now, 2) your taste is maybe a tiny bit bizarre but most definitely amazing, and 3) the viscount of vampire castle aachen is quite clearly yours. he’s clinging to you all the time anyways. moth to the flame, white dog hair to black fabric sweater. people on the street are gonna assume he is in mortal danger because kai is the type to hold onto you for dear life just as a habit. he walks while hugging you. he sits while hugging you. not even the most oblivious person will be confused as to who he belongs with, and who he came with. oh well. i’ll say it. literally came with. you know exactly what i mean. this is one hell of a physical relationship.

anyway. more on that later, basics first. talk about clothes again: you always have matching couple shirts. eyecatching, fashionable ones. you were the one picking them out: because of your faultless sense of detecting things that look super exquisite, as evidenced by your choice of sexy partner. you seriously got a feel for it, though. i’m not kidding. anyone can tell from a fucking mile away: these people color coordinated the living shit out of their fashion game, it’s them against the world. kai’s instagram is plastered in ‚#dressed by gf‘ captions, january to december and back again. the unspoken rule remains: there’s no person more taken than this man.

you do style the fuck outta him. he is your canvas. a mannequin. a statue. the male kate moss in flesh. all-black paris fashion week coats or a sweet peach-colored hoodie, he can do both. his duality extends to everything. you can put some square glossy sunglasses on him, a zip-up jumpsuit, he can rock a fancy umbrella, golden watches, high maintenance felt jackets, sophisticated chelsea boots (ah, perfect) with pointed toes, or straight up cheeky see-through detail blouses like he’s sir lewis hamilton doing a track walk on his home circuit, ready to take pole position. kai looks so good and fucking stylish.

[important editorial note: let us be perfectly distinguished and not cause a shitstorm. subject sir lewis is still the superior power dresser and undisputed sports world fashion king. we live in a democracy, and this is a football post, but nobody can contest this objective fact. he showed up at the met gala dressed as a fancy groom with an entirely transparent bridal lace gown layered underneath. he accepted his GQ award in a sexy grey bdsm harness (omg, can kai please start wearing things like that). he wears a different color every day of the year, no exceptions. he goes the extra mile for custom tailoring. he gives us something to look at. he is a spectacle. he has the best ponytail in formula 1 history. he even makes his own fashion and it’s all vegan. plus, in this dead boring day and age, lewis seems to be the only person left on the planet who knows what a proper pattern is and is not afraid to use it. do i need to go on? i rest my case. i solemnly swear i did not intend to overshadow the sparkling beauty of sir lewis by praising the venerable subject kai lukas havertz in the same breath.]

you encourage kai to take risks with his outfit and dress gentlemanly, or experimentally, not just in athleisure. kai can go pretty polished. he’s interested in how you select an outfit and goes right along (adding his favorite perfume, kai is the best-smelling person in history). you don’t have to guess: he bodies these looks so hard, serge gnabry was left shaken. the fashion chef himself. and let me tell you. the lovechild of anna wintour and the weeknd is truly the judgiest mf to ever walk the german national team ever since toni ‚beast mode‘ kroos retired, so his approval truly means something. serge likes all of kai’s fashion insta posts like it’s his morning newspaper. as if he wasn’t famous enough, kai attracts some major clout for how he is your haute couture muse, and turns even more heads than he usually does. everybody wants to sneak a peak. kai can deliver some major en-vogue moments because he has the combination of build and attitude, and the gorgeousness of the face simply cannot be hidden. facts.

kai has no problem that you’re a wee bit possessive at times, the „that’s my lovely man right here“ style. it’s charming to him. loyalty and a clear sense of belonging are super important in kai’s little private world, always, always, always. you’re never gonna give up on him, and so will he. don’t even think about him abandoning you for an arbitrary influencer from california beach so-and-so. remember, his favorite words are my girlfriend. he drops that a hundred times a day in any conversation. anyone from the outside would be hard-pressed to ignore his devotion. and you? will bust anyone’s ass if they tried to harass him and steal kai from you. when your prince gets fouled, the spirit of manager tuchel enters your body, making you run onto the field to book the player yourself. pardon, that was a joke. it’s the spirit of manager /kepa/ that enters you.

kai needs a strong hand to begin with, but a gentle one, which is another paradox about him. your resident vampire prince without caring physical affection is like cherry pie without the cherries, timo werner without the speed, jorginho without penalties, and lukaku without inter. listen, this man is touchy touchy. he needs his curly hair stroked and his tiny waist hugged all the time, he needs someone to fend for him, stick up for him, and warn him not to hit his head when the door frame is low. when you’re not home to smooch his marks and sore spots, he feels terribly isolated. but he also doesn’t want to be patronized, or be a manchild to you. you doubt the latter is achievable, but you’re not gonna aggressively direct his life, that’s not gonna happen. your philosophy is, gotta observe the person how they treat beloved animals and close acquaintances, and that’s how they wanna be treated. it’s obvious as fuck by how kai goes about handling his interest in donkeys or dogs.

one day he is shy and unsure, needing nothing short of your protection; your five minute embraces and kisses and tender words, your advice and your strength and your guidance. the other day, he’s confident and enduring, that goes for anything. he will shoulder all of your troubles, he will rebuke the haters, he is wise, he stands tall and sexy. this aspect of his duality is the most insane. how kai can go from let-me-stand-behind-you pupper to silky radiant wonderboy with the hands on his hips pose. kai’s duality in terms of esteem is pretty interesting and keeps the two of you on your toes, that’s for sure. a lot of people can’t handle someone who is both so seemingly vulnerable yet glamorously poised, but you chose kai and you own that shit.

he has an unbreakable calm (with a mind as empty as mendy’s goal), but is also batshit crazy. your camera roll is proof how there’s no limit to king kai’s facial expressions, nor is there a limit to how far he can stick out his tongue. lord have mercy when his weird ass meme-ing mimicry turns sexual and picks up on what you did together last night. he has one um unique o-face rendition he’s pulling to make you laugh, but don’t tell anyone. meanwhile, the chill he has in front of the goal translates to everyday conversations as if nothing happened. his sexual side is strictly bedroom and strictly texting. other people won’t catch him saying something explicit to you or about you in interviews or locker rooms.

kai is very ardent, stubborn, bitchy, and cranky when it comes to moral and ethical issues. it’s always clear to you he already made up his mind and stands up for what is right. this dude got a major backbone (literally. his spine is just so fucking long, oh christ). and on the other hand: kai is the most unbothered babycakes on the planet. when the situation calls for it, he looks like he doesn’t give a fuck, and he talks like he doesn’t give a fuck, he says that he doesn’t give one either, but ironically, he often does. he can’t pretend, he can’t lie to you, you see right through anyway. but the unbothered part is still true to some degree. sometimes, he always asks you to decide the most random stuff for him because he has no stance. he’s either 100% decided (e.g. on the fact that dogs deserve the world) or a floating blob with no preference at all (die or das nutella. classic german grammar debate. he shrugged it off as unsolvable.). it’s hilarious how his mentality works.

a trouble-rousing part of his duality has to do with age. after all, kai is still very, very, very young, a duckling fresh out of the pond — but seems a whopping decade older than being actually 22, especially when combined with his on-pitch mannerism or a nice black suit. people make fun of you because your boyfriend is so extremely skinny and taut in the face, or has the type of heavy glance that’s easily dubbed as uninterested, haughty, or weak. that he comes across as ‚completely spent‘ or ‚comes around looking fucked up‘ is something that gets thrown your way pretty often. you know he’s not built like leon ‚the rock‘ goretzka or glows with beaming joy like n’golo kante’s soft cutie cheeks. that’s obvious. he’s just born that way, his way, duh. but the whole critique still doesn’t sit right with you, especially since the jab is aimed at you as a couple, so the insult is double. attacking your boyfriend’s appearance is a no-go. that gives you fury.

you like that kai has a mature look to him. being a babyface heartthrob wouldn’t really suit him, let’s be realistic. his look is unique. actually, you didn’t even think too much about that until people brought it up. a face like that, why not, though? and why is it up for debate? in your eyes, kai is just kai. your cuddly boyfriend with the nice curls. he doesn’t have to look like a disney breakout star, or be ‚easy on the eye‘, or be an SLB (sweet liddol bean) at the beginning of his journey. if people want something like that, they should look elsewhere and consider the living SLB embodiment that is none other than jamal musiala. stan jamal, people.

kai’s no longer a teenage dream either, he’s of frickin’ age. he still needs a bit of bubble wrap, mostly to protect him from stumbling over his own legs, but not a fuckton of it. and, vice versa: that he’s not endless decades older than you is something you consider a pro to begin with, not a vicious con. what’s wrong with a man not being settled in life, you don’t even know what the standard is supposed to be. césar azpilicueta? and he’s a godly stupendous unmatched ideal 99% of the population can’t even remotely reach! loser or winner, you want kai.

everyone is in their own phase, all generations need one another. you enjoy that kai is young and new to the wide world out there. you don’t shame him for not being perfectly experienced, or super bossed up like he runs everything. it’s what is nice and endearing about him. he’s edgy and sexy and he learns from mistakes, looks up to others, works hard on himself, is on eye level (unless it comes to knowledge about donkeys, but you give that one to him). and, the elephant in the room when it comes to long-term relationships — him being very young means, hello: a lot more years to spend together! best believe your boyfriend’s not going anywhere anytime soon. kai hates relationship instability. he’s already made up his mind to go the distance. is his name manuel neuer? because he’s a keeper.

his age also softens any power imbalances, and: he’s in the best possible hormonal phase to be in love with making out. kai's really affectionate. what’s not to like. his age is an all-around advantage. you can come up with 29 more reasons on the fly. but also, how old he is doesn’t have to be a topic day in and day out. in your couple time, you haven’t talked about it at length more than once or twice. it’s not an earth-shattering fact to you, and everybody ages every day anyway, time flies. baby kiki (that’s how his mom calls him, you learned) will be adult kai havertz in a blink of his handsome eye anyway.

if people think he’s just a useless gay gen z bitchboy or a james charles football copy with acne, it’s on them: and you can enjoy the very fact that you’re dating a dashing cutie for yourself at the end of the day, and he dates you. that’s what it’s all about. you like him with the scarring and not just without, you think it’s sweet how he’s popular with guys wherever he goes, and that he has a structured face a camera broadcasting him to a world audience would love… is absolutely a compliment. oh honey you got all of this, and all that stellar body, too. 190 centimeters of good boy, 6’3 of sex god. who wins.

you get super defensive firing out arguments to protect kai regardless. admittedly, and that’s a guilty pleasure, you have slayed many a twitter troll like you're thiago silva’s wife. if you see some vitriol blowing up in the fandom and it crosses your feed, you’re suddenly the danny devito meme that goes so anyway i started blasting 😏💥. last week you got into an ugly tweet fight about kai's physique and began ranting that how he won’t gain weight or superhero level muscle is neither his fault nor his obligation, and if his face is exhausted, well, who’s working hard! and, while we’re at it, guess who stays up extra time at night to make his girlfriend very loved and happy? taking both his job and his relationship seriously, you know, like a great person.

you just kept dragging people left and right all day like, just get out, the uninterested look is a damn sexy bedroom gaze, by the way, learn to differentiate. kai just knows how to be seductive all the time, got a problem with that? also, no, he’s not a plastic prince, that bone structure is very real and not some wobbling derma filler shit, you tested, officially, with kisses, that’s a real fucking jaw. the brows are naturally this way, too, kai slays, he looks just fine, thank you very much. you can feel not attracted to him, but that’s no excuse to critiquing his health from your limited standpoint.

and hey, maybe, coincidentally, you know, he’s not like uh ‚radiant‘ or whatever because you sitting on his face all the time blocks out the sun with all those essential vitamin d nutrients so that’s on you. let it be known to the plebeians that the royal viscount of aachen prefers to live in the shadow. so there’s that. the raving mob of king kai fangirls and fanboys agreed and hit retweet, the haters ran for the hills after you dropped your tirade, news outlets just loved the fodder, kai felt very assured and honored, and you were moving on. no time for body-shaming. you think he’s as handsome as it gets, and not „despite xyz“, but „because xyz“. and anyone who tries to devalue his red hot appearance needs to mind their own messy biz. in a perfect world, kai would be flamed for his strange t-rex arm posing and wild rolling eyes in other people’s instagram videos, and yet he gets shit like that! this is just draining.

alas, you concede one thing. at one point, you had to admit that kai is a questionable dancer. jorginho will beat him in any tiktok battle on god, and rüdiger will shake his hip literally once and obliterate kai in five seconds. at the same time, kai is gifted with levels of foot- and leg-related skills that most other human beings can and will never even fathom. add even more hand-eye-foot coordination since he’s playing the piano… he’s gaming… he’s into formula 1 simulation… he has a lot of sex with you to practice getting really great at it… there i said it, the list goes on. he’s a physical wunderkind but also the world’s worst twerker.

last week he uploaded a recent ass parade on reels. people took to the comments writing stuff like, nothing jiggles here omg, you think your ass is austria but it’s actually the netherlands. kai replied c’mon, i’m working on it! he hates the gym but honey boy will go and try to conjure a 3D booty. tell mason to go join him and kai will stay motivated, as well as have a frame of reference. on the other hand: as i said. you like kai the way he is. everything is already in place how it should be. no improvement necessary. he couldn’t walk around flaunting a massive eden dumptruck without looking a little weird and unbalanced, could he. the only person who can pull off those #insane (hint, hint) legs and a great behind at that height is who? leroy sané. he gets a free pass. leroy’s ass and figure are top-notch. he is the moment. but we digress. the old rule remains, kai looks pretty head to toe. his name is fine. mighty fine.

more duality in the house of havertz… we’re getting more nsfw here. surprise surprise, you love to be very sexually active with him. he’s too hot not to be. the release is amazing, the couple time perfect. you are beyond infatuated with this man’s vibes and body, there’s no way you’re not fucking him back and forth all day every day, from deep and loving to wild and passionate because he is just sizzling and stunning and delicious. and when i say wild, i mean wild. kai is gonna forget in which direction the opposing goal stands after you fucked him brainless shortly before kickoff. you’re gonna scream from the edge of your stadium seat, oh god, my prince, please run the other way, your name is not mats hummels!

and then, oh wonder. kai is the most monk-like person in the world. hell, the pope himself. pater havertz innocentius XXIX (= the 29th). someone who’d rather be a farmer, a fisherman, a shepherd. no thoughts of sex in sight sometimes. his pronounced softie side cannot be underestimated. remember: even if the sky is falling down, even when n’golo kante ever stopped smiling (a truly apocalyptical scenario, not even the gods above could save us), even when tumblr wouldn’t know who mason mount was anymore, the day that thomas tuchel became an incompetent manager: kai would remain the last romantic. much like his chiseled bone structure: this is set in stone and marble.

touchy-feely is the word. hugs before fucks. smoochie before coochie. petting before sweating. no dreamy physical contact and a lot of laughter for kai is an absolute libido killer, if not the ultimate deal-breaker, the #1 reason to nag, his princely pet peeve. he needs something to smile about, and he needs comfort. both for the soul and body. you embrace him a lot, cheer him up, and make sure he feels very warm. kai gets cold so easily, it’s ridiculous. heated blankets all the way, baby. the DFB socks stay on during sex. heating bill off the charts. kai wants to have sex not to go from feeling unwell to elated, but he wants everything to feel nice throughout. it’s an extra effort to make sure the atmosphere is perfect, but your boyfriend needs his safe haven like that.

on top of that, he simply cannot have a good romp if he’s worried and preoccupied. kai lukas havertz turns into a sexless creature whenever he’s got a lot on his mind. the stress just kills his boner, and a person who would dismiss him emotionally? wouldn’t even get in the proximity of his pants. he loves you because you get his feelings and opinions most importantly. kai would not go to bed with someone who gave him real weird vibes, even if it was just all carnal, no strings attached. like picture someone who would mistreat animals in front of his eyes. oh my god. or someone who didn’t think about the environment, or tried to be pushy taking advantage when he was feeling messed up. kai is often level-headed, he tries his best thinking positively, but he has his ups and downs, too. he’s your hero for overcoming them. it would suck ass if someone was manipulating that for their own benefits. kai knows he’s someone who has something to offer, so he has to give it very carefully. if you think about it, he has a lot to lose, and it would be easy to break his heart. his sarcasm can only shield him so far. i know this sounds like a lot but yes, kai needs to be touched with velvet gloves; his feelings have to be protected from being played with.

if he were single at this point in time, he would go as far as being drunk and allowing someone to grind up on his lap, but… as soon as he’d trail to a backroom with them and a moment of sobriety would hit, kai’s mood would be ruined if they were not having a working conversation. if he asked them what they would like him to do and got an ‚umm… whatever you want!‘ in reply, he’d feel frustrated. maybe it has something to do with how he’s used to having managers and mentors all his life, since day one. he isn’t wired to say, „that’s how it’s done, deal with it“. to a certain extent, kai needs a partner who tells him what to do. that turns him on. all else is just the cruel underchallenging of a pretty bottom (perfect title for his autobiography so far, would be a million seller).

monk havertz innocentius also descends from his cloister when the weather is too sunny to be ignored. leaving the house and fooling around outdoors together is really important to him. he’s a dog person, remember. if the rain stops in england, the sex can wait. he’s gonna take his less expensive football with him, the one you can kick into some river or a pit of mud from hell. you drive to a hidden place without paparazzi and have endless fun practicing super long passes on a random meadow, somewhere out there. that’s his next best-kept secret: because he can pick up your wonky crosses and strangely angled shots, kai is perfectly prepared to outsmart and anticipate even the most difficult rival teams. like. kai can run after any mile high shot you’re giving him, and even throws himself into said river to retrieve the ball (sexy. he’s hotter than daniel craig crawling back on land with that shirt sopping wet).

mind you: even if it’s tempting, you’re not mad that kai is arguably a hundred times better than you. who cares. you allow each other to shine in your own ways. there are plenty of things and situations where kai needs your input. for instance, when it comes to telling an actual, well-crafted dad joke. his are still a little lame, he admits to it. in any case, i know, this bullet point escalates into a drag-em-all buffet like it’s atleti’s defense. what i wanted to say is that sure, kai is easy to envy, but also easy to cheer on. he doesn’t roast you for looking like the harry maguire to his kevin de bruyne, but works with what you have, and it’s just outdoors football for fun anyways. you’re not a professional player, he has to be the one downsizing his skill here.

talk about envy. you might be playing outside a lot, but you also play… inside. all your friends wish they had their own personal habsburgian heir to go down on them like it’s a won world cup final. everybody wants a kai clone. oh yes. the sexual duality extends to oral in particular. admit you’ve noticed this about him already, you perv. he has a thing for that. one hundred percent. this guy is so possessed by the holy spirit of saliva, blink twice and he’s scoring with a header two times a night. we know that’s kai’s specialty. that’s why everybody wants a piece of your bf, bestie, haven’t you noticed. his rowdy daring tongue knows no time-out.

like. it begs to see the light of day all the time. why is it always hanging out right in everyone’s face, oh my god. it’s naughty, i told you he’s havertz thee stallion. but to your knowledge, that’s his intricate courtship ritual. the more he sticks it out: the more he’s down bad. hold on to your labia because santa kai is coming to town, ready to bestow you with the gift of being a slobbery maniac at cunnilingus. everybody knows that kai is not a coward. and anyone can guess he’s really unusally messy. and even if he was all neat and virginal in the beginning. that the royal ruler of havertia is in the vicinity of crazy people that radiate „i give so much head, it made me nuts“ energy — and i mean the likes of kepa, and out-of-control specimen going by supposedly biblical names such as joshua — literally does not help. one day, kai is gonna feel inspired and lose his mind completely as well.

someone’s gonna go all out between those lovely legs of yours. not an ounce of hesitation from the very start. he’s konfident with a k like kai. he literally knows he’s not gonna embarrass himself. zero performance anxiety, let’s-a-fucking go. this face is an expensive sex toy, and this man is a pussy worshipping machine. at full throttle. how much more can he scream at the top of his lungs that he wants to please and spoil you so fucking badly. his eye contact is going to drive you up the wall, the feel of his nose, the curls between your fingers. oh, have mercy. the curls. the curls! the waves at the shore of the habsburgian empire. he wants you to grip and tug at them, how else are they so long and grabbable. thanks, you’re dripping wet by that thought alone when he’s not home on saturdays.

and that’s only the beginning. he pulls out every ace from up those long ass sleeves he got. kai is gonna wind his whole face around to get fucking covered in you. you know what i’m talking about. he really does that. jesus christ my sire, please don’t get an eye infection. he really knows no bounds to his debauchery. the man who routinely wants to be held carefully in your arms for the entirety of a bus ride is really gonna suck and nip and dip at your clit until you’re screaming out loud. oh, kai. you relentless bitch. but as beyoncé sang. it feels so good to be alive.

a toast to this oral aficionado. this is truly the hardest-working mouth at cobham and we all know it doesn’t mean talkativeness, kai is just impossibly eager to feel you writhe and cum on his tongue between matchdays. yep, i said it. he is that type. he can’t imagine life without giving head. he would just give up, retire himself into a remote barn in the west german countryside, and dry some straw for donkeys to chew on until he’s old and grey. no head, no fun. even if kai’s a little tired, he won’t let that shit stop him. he’s firmly convinced you always deserve your treat, and he’s gonna carpe diem with the limited time you have together. definitely an orgasm chaser here, louder harder stronger, that’s not for everyone. but he’s always aiming high because he wants to make you blissful, and knowing his lil’ weirdo brain inside out: you date him exactly because he works that way. what counts is, you’re moaning and you’re ascending and you’re getting noisy as hell, saint joshua would be so proud of you.

in comes the uno reverse card! you almost forgot this post is about duality, did ya. kai is also one hell of a bj enthusiast like no other. there’s no denying. he’s no less capable on the receiving end: and yes, he considers it hard work. pun intended. boy can keep it hard for minutes and minutes and minutes. the rest is up to you. do whatever you want on and with and to that dick. he does not care. whatever outlandish kinky things you’ve read about in this or that pseudo-scientific article, he’s there to satisfy your greed. come on, i told you he’s a boy toy bottom. kai has huge standards for his own methods, but here? even being completely off with your skills doesn’t faze him. extraterrestrial sounds, bad technique, awkward speed, fuck it. kai says who cares, the fact that it’s resembling a blowjob is enough. if it’s your lips, your throat, your tongue, your chin, your spit, going all over him — he’s in habsburg heaven. his arms are limp on the bed as are his legs, a starfish par excellence. prince kai havertz is actually /pillow/ prince kai. it’s kinda cute, but also hot how he surrenders.

just do your thing how you see fit. he’s dying. crumbling. suffering. disintegrating. corroding to igneous dust. people think that supposedly, kai’s inner spirit already left his body anyway, but this is actually where it happens. he’s very sensitive to having someone really suck him off, especially after a shower when he feels nice and warm and comfortable. and, just so you know, like a true german: he will nitpick with the terminology (ah yes, the return of bitchy kai): „a blowjob is not a deepthroat session is not a facefuck!“ mh, very true, king, very true. these are all different disciplines. you can show him you know which one is which. nuance scores the goal, as does strawberry flavored lube. eureka, what a nice invention, makes the ample buffet even tastier. he’s all groomed and shaved, imagine the glide.

by the way. you will find firsthand factual evidence that he can work his hips for 45 minutes times straight. like not just bucking. really all-out moving like a serpent because this man is a desperate grunting hoe for you. he’s terribly, terribly slutty, like… look at him. your honor, he is thirstier than thomas müller after a match of carrying the entire national team on his back. they’re paying the prince a lot of money so he is able to muster that stamina on the pitch, so you can hold it against him (well — playfully of course). no problem: kai likes a challenge. a good facefuck that lasts a halftime? let’s plot out some stable positions and take it slow. his arms are long enough to reach your clit, he’s gonna have you soaked on either end. he has figured out the right amount of being all inside of you rested across your tongue, or pulled out in the right moments so you can toy around with all the length he’s giving, and kiss it, and lick it good, and tell him exactly how he should move. duh, he’s gonna be like say no more, let me do it for ya.

kai havertz 29 should be kai havertz 69, i’m serious. for a madman sucker of this scope, eating you out while feeling your lips on his tip? he’ll never be the same. 45 minutes, jot that down. to be entirely truthful, yes, he’ll look like you murdered him in cold blood afterwards because he really puts his heart into the flow. but it’ll be worth it. even if that’s going to surprise you, he’s gonna cry his eyes out because it was so unbelievable, and needs some major personal attention, you know, ASMR time. kai and aftercare are inseparable.

and on your part? perfectly happy. you never had to chug this much water in preparation, you never tasted that much prime dick all your life, your lips have never felt stimulated like that, and you haven’t heard a guy moan and gyrate his soul out like this. you’ll never catch yourself mumbling „mh, mh, so good“ like that elsewhere. if you can mumble at all, that is. no time for talk, you want to be busy with your mouth in a different way. that dick is so hard and pretty and flushed and basically „hi, working hours open again!“ because hey. he loves you so much.

all tension will have left your either bodies and you can sleep tight like angels after cleaning up. second shower for kai? even better, he’s snug and warm again. but don’t you think it has to be a marathon every time, okay. here goes the duality all over. if you want ten minutes of intensity and rush, kai will sweetly oblige and ask, „so what’s on the menu, then?“. tongue in cheek, ever the pleaser, ever the teaser. i told you way before, you’re so lucky. quickies are not his top-most specialty, usually because he is the deep and steady type, and calm as you like. it’s you who’s going a little rougher sometimes for good measure, and he’s down for that. kai likes upbeat and energetic people. he won’t accuse you for losing your nerve, he knows he looks like a hottie. but he can catch up with you, i promise, five minutes and he’s giving you a whole damn bucket load to do whatever you want with: gotcha. the german punctuality of it all. with a schedule like that, kai has to learn being organized.

cum play is only the next conclusion to arrive at. the nasty brat is gonna slurp it all off your fingers. the duality of him means he’s not just a romancer but also, kai’s dirty, you can swap it around on your tongues and enjoy the amazing texture. this man has the most controlled diet in the world, baby. of course he tastes astoundingly good. and kai doesn’t have a major gag reflex, bless his horny soul, so you can shove your fingers in his mouth as far as you please. he’s just gonna glare you down and stick his tongue out like it’s nothing. he knows the shit he can take. pity there’s no endless supply of his cum, so he has to practice recovering quickly every round. but we know he’s the prince of recovery, so don’t worry too much about it.

if you really want to know the details. kai has one long veiny dick for the taking, grower not a shower. he has a tendency to cum in waves at once, six to seven slow twitches, with a silky — hah, got ya, this one you won’t ever forget — clean texture. you quickly discovered his favorite way of cumming. that would be you gripping hard above the base, sort of around the middle actually, and working with the upper third, without the lips fully closing so it makes a satisfying wet noise. he doesn’t need you going balls deep. the stimulation and teasing and lip friction are enough. so, among the big three, he likes plain blowjobs the very most, with enough spit and handwork involved. brace yourself, the moans will be heavenly soft and desperate. yeah, he’s extra, and he’s vocal. unless we’re talking safe word system, of course. not many words. they’re not needed. he’s an athlete, he feels it all in his skin and bones, and his kisses will always tell you what you need to know.

the afterglow is exactly as you’d expect. after a ton of shampoo and water went down the drain, you are the classic two-big-towels-wrapped-around-us couple on the living room couch. drying off, the dogs will still stay in the different part of the house, and you will lay there humming and murmuring in silence for a while just to cuddle it all out. but they will join for bedtime when you’re both tucked into each other's serge gnabry-signed stylish PJs. now’s the time to cling and smooch for like half an hour plus. after he’s done making some silly faces, kai keeps talking and talking, staying pressed firmly against you with his eyes closed. then you keep talking and talking, until you’re both drifting off into the twilight zone. it’s just a nice and protected atmosphere. the dogs are curled up on the duvets, and so are you underneath. sleeping beauty kai is back.

you went crazy in the sheets, and now you’re right there glued together. as the germans love to say: same procedure as every year. well, every week, in this case. when you look at him doze off next to you, kai’s so cute, like the senior puppy in this bed. like, a comically elongated pupper, 6’3 is one hell of a doggo if you think about it, but since he’s in a fetal pretzel position now, it sort of counts. it’s easy to snooze that way when you spoon him, and there’s nothing left to be desired. oh, he’s the bestest boy, you can attest. and you do realize. kai is an amazing boyfriend in more ways than just being really soft on the one hand, and super sexy on the other. it’s the whole package deal we’re talking about. it’s the truth, your tall loving prince just has a lot of good things to offer.

ao3 crosspost

››››› ♥ multifandom masterlist ♥

【 final note.】my contribution to mending the chelsea heartbreak, i hope you liked this wild ass ride and enjoyed your snack. excuse any editing/spelling mistakes or related grammar issues, i happen to be german myself 🇩🇪 thank you for reading, i’m sure i’ll post some more football stuff during world cup season, in the meantime leave a comment/tag or so 👋 - caro 

© 2017-2022 sugar-petals. all rights reserved. no reposts or translations allowed. all depictions are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.

[what-the-stories-have-foretold]

15th Day: He´s a sniper

Navi

Akai x gn!reader (Detective x Family), Sebastian Moran x gn!reader

Advent Calendar

Warnings: none

Wordcount: about 200-300 each

“I´m not celebrating Christmas with that guy.” Ai crossed her arms.

“Now, now, Ai-chan, you´re really saying that to your own dad?”

The girl looked at him in disgust.

“What is wrong with – never mind – (Y/N), the creep is back.”

“What cree- oh, Ai-chan, I told you not to call Shuichi that.”

“And I told you not to call him…that. It´s revolting. You deserve so much better, (Y/N), please,” she begged you.

“What on earth are you telling my spouse?”

“Fake spouse. There´s a difference.”

Akai shrugged.

“Tomato, Tomahto.”

You giggled.

“How about this: Tomorrow, when Shuichi is working, we both go to the mall to get some decorations, and we´ll set them up together - just us - the next day. Shuichi and I will take care of cooking, baking and getting presents for everyone while you´re in school or with friends.”

“I also want to bake,” Ai pouted.

Akai grinned at her.

“Well, my spouse chose me for the task.”

Ai clicked her tongue.

“We can also bake together a few times, okay, Ai?”

The girl looked away but nodded. You sighed; this would probably be your most stressful Christmas yet.

“I can´t believe you made me accompany you on a mission.”

Moran shrugged while preparing his rifle.

“It´s nearing Christmas, and you said you wanted to buy some things for the dinner we invited the Moriartys to. Can´t have my pretty go alone, now, can I?”

“Might be better,” you grumbled, but you sat down, albeit with your arms crossed.

“It´s cold,” you whined after a while.

“Yeah, yeah, sugar.” Moran set up his rifle, letting the cool metal rest on his shoulder. One, two, three and breathe. He could already hear the steps of the royal doctor. What a shame, he thought, that he would not have the time to take the man´s purse and buy you something nice with the money. Then again, the Moriartys had been kind enough to raise his salary for the month, so that he´d have the money to buy you a present that you deserved.

Not a minute later he stood again, hand in his pocket and shouldering a black bag. He turned his head toward you and smirked.

“You got time to go downtown with me? Y´sir´s been paid extra today.”

Smiling, you rolled your eyes and accepted his arm so he could lead you away from the scene.