#they could be the biggest band in the world but no they don't want that

[httpknjoon]

quite an impression | myg

plot | that time where the afterparty left quite an impression on the not-so-friendly relationship between the popstar and her bassist.

w.c | 5.1k

pairing | bass guitarist!yoongi x popstar!reader

genre | enemies to lovers, popstar x bassist

main masterlist | series masterlist | want to request?

After the show, everyone, including the band and the show's crew members, was told that you and your management prepared an afterparty for everyone in one of the known yet private hotspots around New York City.

Everyone agreed to come, including Yoongi due to the band's persuasion. Plus, he doesn't really have anything to do back in his hotel room. The holiday EP's done. The concert tour just finished its first leg, which means their one-month holiday break basically started the moment you closed the show a while ago.

"What happened to your Valentino suit?" Fred was the first to ask when Yoongi joined the rest of the band on their ride to the afterparty venue.

Yoongi shakes his head lazily, "Don't want to ruin it at the party."

Before getting back into his usual clothes, Yoongi had to convince Paul to let him change. But your stylist was eager to make him wear it to the party tonight. He told him that there would be paparazzi there to take pictures of them arriving.

"I don't really care what I'm wearing if I ever get photographed tonight," Yoongi replied to Paul. It's not like I'm the main star, he thought.

He was so sure that the paparazzi were not interested in taking photos of them, but the moment their ride stopped in front of the private bar, Yoongi could hear the little commotion outside. There were paparazzi waiting by the sidelines with their big cameras and as soon as a car stopped, they got up to prepare to whoever is in the vehicle.

"This is crazy." Akio gasped as they all looked outside their tinted windows.

"Okay, put on your sunglasses if y'all don't want to be blind before we even get to the party." Noah, who has been a part of your team for years now, told them.

Yoongi was thankful he followed what your lead guitarist advised because the moment they got out of the car. There are flashing lights everywhere. He can hear some people calling his name, which is something he still needs to get used to. He doesn't remember getting much attention when he was at other artists' shows. Hearing various voices call his name everywhere makes him feel weird— not in a good way. They didn't stop for photos, heading straight to the private club's entrance while being guided by one of your security staff.

"I love playing for big artists," Akio whispered when they entered the venue, already eyeing the cocktails not too far from where they stood. "They know how to party."

It was obvious, the moment they got in, that the afterparty was well-prepared and expensive. Although the lights were dimmed and colorful fairy lights mainly provided lights for the place, there were customized holiday decors everywhere to celebrate your EP, which plays in the background. There are ice sculptures of your brand's logo and even a few mistletoes on entryways with your signature kiss mark placed on them.

"Yeah, YN's label is never scared to splurge money on her," Noah said, pulling out his phone to take a picture of the place.

Who will be scared anyway? You are one of the biggest pop stars in the world currently. Your songs earn hundreds of thousands of streams every day and almost everything you do gets praised by your fans and critics. Everyone, even you yourself, knows you are the top cash cow of your company at the moment, considering your recent tour and EP release. You are an investment worth investing in.

Yoongi stayed quiet while his eyes scanned the whole place. He never really cared about parties, but he could not deny that your label made an effort to make tonight's celebration impressive.

Everyone was invited, from your concert staff down to the late-night show crew members. While the band was walking through the crowd, Yoongi took a glimpse of Art, chatting with the producers of the late-night show you just hosted. Your dancers also came, already enjoying the dancefloor with other guests. There are more faces Yoongi had recognized, but there are some he still hasn't seen yet. Paul... Cal... You.

"Yoongi, over here!"

Suddenly, somebody called his name, snapping him out of his trance. Yoongi turned and immediately spotted another familiar face waving his hand across the room. It was a friendly gesture from Ben, one of the tour's sound engineers, Yoongi raised his hand, offering a small wave before walking deeper in Ben's direction. Along the way, one of the waiters offered him a drink and Yoongi got one, quickly taking a sip to hopefully give some energy to him to socialize. Nods and smiles were exchanged once Yoongi joined the small group, which included a few of your staff and a couple of writers from the late-night show. Ben was in the middle of telling the others of something.

"Yeah, the tour just ended its first leg this week. I think we'll be back touring internationally in the last week of January though. Right, Yoongi?"

Feeling a lot of eyes on him, waiting for him to say something, Yoongi's eyes widened slightly before he looked away, "Yeah, I think so."

Ben went on to talk about the work he does in your shows. Yoongi, as usual, just listened and observed the lively crowd.

"I saw you on the show earlier, you are a great guest." someone in the group spoke, making Yoongi look back to them.

A woman in a ribbed-knit, V-neck, white sweater smiled at him, offering her hand, "I'm Bea, one of the writers of The Late, Late Show."

"Yoongi, YN's bassist." he shakes her hand.

"And favorite band member?" Bea teased, referencing the question in the show earlier. They both laughed.

Yoongi smiled, shaking his head before sipping from his glass, "Not sure about that."

"Oh, trust me. Based on our team's research, you seem to be YN's favorite." the curly-haired brunette smirked.

"What research?" he asked, now curious about what she said.

"Well, you know, our team does research on our guests before writing for them. Then, we noticed how many times you two interacted on stage during shows, even your outfits aligned during her Halloween shows," she answered casually. "She always seemed to gravitate towards you."

Her tone seemed to be implying something, making Yoongi shake his head again.

"She just likes to play around on stage." he denied whatever Bea must be thinking.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say." she sneered, hiding an obvious smile while drinking from her cocktail.

Yoongi looked at her, trying to decode her thoughts, and when she felt her stare on him, she simply smiled, "I mean, I kinda get her."

As the music gets louder and the crowd gets bigger, Yoongi finds himself chatting with Bea ever since they met half an hour ago. They occupied one of the booths in the club alone while they talked about their jobs in the entertainment industry, something they are similar to.

Bea is funny, witty, and smart, Yoongi thought. He likes that she doesn't force him to speak in their conversation. He didn't really mind her telling him about her experiences as someone who moved here to New York eight months ago. It's better than being forced to jive on the dancefloor, something he's not really fond of.

"Yeah, I was actually scared to come here tonight." Bea shared, chuckling.

"And why is that?" Yoongi asked, slightly leaning closer to hear her over the loud music.

"I heard that staff members from other shows have to pay for their own drinks at after-parties like these, and I just can't do that right now. I have rent to pay!" she exclaimed, making both her and Yoongi laugh. She then rested her chin on her palm on the table, "How about you? Do you enjoy these parties?"

"Not really..." he was quick to answer, not bothering to conceal his dislike for social events. "Everything's too much at parties. The drinks, the people— even the music, it's too loud."

That's another thing he and his ex used to be contrasted about. Sara will always be at parties back in LA because of her job. It's a place for widening her networking in her perspective. Sometimes it is necessary for her to attend, sometimes she just wants to. Yoongi, on the other hand, is not a fan of networking. As long as someone is interested in collaborating with him, he's gonna be fine. But he cannot deny that Sara helped him get more people to work with him whenever she pulled him along with her at parties. She literally introduced him to Art years ago.

Bea chuckled, "Isn't it ironic that you're literally a bass guitarist and you hate loud music?"

"There's a difference between music and what's basically a noise." he joked.

Just when Yoongi took another sip of his drink, there was a sudden change of energy in the room. The music lowered slightly, and the whispers and turning of heads at the main entrance got more noticeable.

"Looks like the woman of the hour has arrived." Bea mused next to him.

Everyone can hear the main door opening, along with the sound of cameras clicking and people calling your name. Then, it was followed by familiar voices laughing and chattering. Yoongi didn't bother to turn around to the doorway until Bea murmured.

"Oh, they arrived together."

He finally glanced at the doorway, catching sight of you at the center. You were glowing with your gold closed-fitting, thin-strapped mini-dress. He wondered if you got cold outside while wearing that glamorous dress, but then he saw Cal next to you, holding a fur that he assumed was yours.

Then, he also noticed who was standing on your left. Harry was holding your waist as you greeted the first people who approached you. You two were a pleasant eyesight, a perfect eyesight for everyone. It was obvious how you two were comfortable with each other. Harry leaned closer to you to whisper something, and you would easily laugh like he was the funniest person in the world. Yoongi looked away, back at minding his business.

"They used to date, didn't they?" Bea whispered next to him.

Yoongi shrugged, "I don't really know."

"You should. You were Harry's bassist during his first album, right? I heard he wrote songs about her in there." she went on.

He raised an eyebrow, "You really did your research, huh?"

"Told ya." she clicked her tongue before looking back to you and Harry. "They still look cute together, don't they?"

"Yeah," Yoongi mindlessly replied even though he was not looking anymore.

He took another scan of the whole room. He stops when he sees you looking at him while everyone in the circle you're in is having conversations. Your eyes traveled from him to the woman next to him. Your eyebrows raised and you looked back at him again. Just when lines form between his brows, Yoongi sees you joining your group's conversation once again. It was a brief and quiet interaction— confusing for Yoongi— that seemed to be only known by you two.

"That was... interesting." Bea, the best observer, smirked into her drink.

The night went on with you and Yoongi being on separate sides of the room. Yoongi introduced Bea to the band, joining them in their booth. He ignored Fred's teasing stare ever since his new writer-friend sat with them. Noah also has his boyfriend with him, adding more fun to their conversations. At some point, Yoongi excused himself from the booth, getting up next to Bea.

"Oh, where are you going?" she asked with her hand on his arm.

"I'll get another drink, want some?" He answered, nodding at her empty glass.

She smiled, "Yeah, sure."

"Don't try to escape the party!" Noah teased him as Yoongi walked away, rolling his eyes at his friend.

He was about to walk to the bar, but decided to stop midway, heading to the restroom first. After doing his business and enjoying the quick solitude, Yoongi rinsed his hand and walked out to the dimly lit entryway. He was not paying much attention to his surroundings, just aiming to get to the brighter entryway to the party, causing him to bump into someone.

"Oh."

It was a light collision, but you were wearing your strappy God-knows-how-high heels, causing you to lose balance a little. He was quick to catch you and help you steady yourself.

"Sorry, didn't see you there," he mumbled.

"Clearly," you looked up with a snarky reply and the same smile you always give him. "Enjoying the night?"

Was it a little unexpected question from you? Yes. But maybe you've been asking everyone that since you are the host of the party. Yoongi wouldn't want to overthink it.

"Yeah, it was fun." he replied like he didn't spend his time talking to people he only knows except for Bea.

You hummed, "Bea seems nice though."

He paused, staring at you for a second, "You know her?"

Shrugging, you replied, "Met her during preparations for the show earlier. She seemed pretty smart and witty."

Were you watching them? Yoongi starts to wonder since he sees you vibing with Harry and your other guests whenever he catches glances at you in the crowd. He cannot tell by your tone if you are just being friendly, casual, or just teasing. But the way you were looking at him got his throat running dry, making him gulp hard.

Before he could figure out what to say next, a voice piped up from one of the small circles near the entryway.

"Oh my gosh, look up!"

Your eyes widened. Yoongi frowned. Right above you, it's one of the few mistletoes in the place. The small circle cheered, getting more attention to their direction.

One of your dancers urged, "You have to kiss now!"

"Ugh, seriously? Do we really have to do this?" you tried to play it off, acting dramatically.

But Yoongi can feel the tension growing in the small space between you, making everything more awkward. All while your concert staff enjoy how you are both caught off guard, knowing your childish and petty relationship behind the scenes.

"It's a tradition!" someone sing-songed.

Yoongi rubbed the back of his neck, "But it's just a plant."

"It is!" you laughing awkwardly.

It felt like high school— or even middle school. Like they were stuck in a game of truth or dare. The cheers for them got louder and clearer. Yoongi only looks at you, trying to read your thoughts. But you were exchanging jokes with the small audience.

“Wow, you guys are really committed to this tradition, huh?” you let out a breathy laugh.

In all honesty, Yoongi would not mind kissing you. Will it be awkward? Yeah, probably. But you both know that the easiest way to end this scenario is to just get over it. A quick kiss, then move on! It's not like everyone will make a big deal out of it.

But why? Why is it so hard?

You took in a slow inhale as you looked at your bassist standing in front of you. How can he still have the same blank expression on his face while you were shitting bricks, trying not to make the atmosphere awkward? You swallowed. Hard. You wondered where's the liquid courage when you need it. Kissing is never a problem with you. Hell, you were the one who suggested putting mistletoes everywhere tonight, unprepared that you are your own victim.

Yoongi's lips parted when you took a step closer to him. So close that he can smell the same sweet vanilla scent he sensed when you gave him a quick hug earlier after the show. He cannot help but study your features as you stand this close to him.

"Let's just do it?" your glossy lips whispered.

"Okay." He replied, almost breathless.

When he unexpectedly yet gently held your waist, you unconsciously held your breath like his soft touch burns your skin. You can still feel the tightness in your chest when his lips brushed against yours, like a feather. It would have been meaningless if one pulled away as soon as your lips touched. But for a half second, no one moved. You felt like leaning it when you felt his slight squeeze on your waist. But before anything could happen, it was over.

Brief and light.

Everyone cheered as you went along in this stupid holiday tradition. Yet the noise was all drawn out in the background as you and Yoongi slowly pulled away from each other.

In that quick second, you swore you felt his warm breath as he pulled away. You blinked, but still, stared back at him. Your heart was beating too fast, you didn't like it.

Yoongi didn't like that when he pulled away, he could not think of anything to say. It was like his brain into a factory reset, resetting everything he knew. He remembered you singing this close to him during one of your shows, thinking you looked like an angel. He still thinks the same thing.

After getting your souls back on the ground, Yoongi let go of your waist and you took a step back. Everyone is still having their reaction. Someone even whistled, making you turn back to the crowd. You forced a laugh.

"Satisfied?" you played it off with the crowd.

Yoongi's jaw clenched as he turned around leaving the entryway, ignoring the warmth that was still lingering on his lips. The image of your face close to his cannot get out of his head. He walked straight to the bar to get another drink.

You, on the other hand, ran back to the restroom. Looking back on yourself in the mirror, your fingers slowly touched your lips as you felt like they had been tingling ever since Yoongi pulled away. Realization sets in as your bite your lower lip.

Fuck, you wanted more.

For the rest of the night, you and Yoongi got some unspoken agreement to not stand within a six-foot distance between them. Yoongi found more comfort, sitting next to Bea, who raised a brow, when he came back to their booth after the kiss. He simply shook his head with that. She took it that he didn't want to talk about it.

"So are you guys playing tonight?" she asked him.

"I don't know, really," Yoongi replied, resting his arm behind her seat.

"I mean, it would be really cool to see you play at this party." she drew circles on the rim of her cocktail's glass before playfully tilting her head to him. "You know, just throwing the idea out there... Only if there are instruments laying around at this par— Oh, wait. There it is!"

Yoongi laughed at her feigned yet coy innocence as she tried to convince them to play. He scanned the room, looking for the instruments Bea was referring to. Instead, he catches you looking at him before quickly turning your back. Something in his stomach flipped before he finally found what he was looking for.

"You alright, angel?"

As soon as you turned your back to your bassist, Harry, who had his hand on the small of your back, asked. You looked up, putting on a smile before nodding. Ever since he said about your nose flaring when you lie, you try to be careful about not saying the truth around him. He smiled, pinching your nose.

"Looks like that kiss did something to you." he leaned into your ear as he teased you.

You moved away, glaring at him, "It's just a mistletoe kiss. Nothing too special about it, H."

"Okay, okay, if you insist." he chuckled.

You rolled your eyes, "I feel like you're trying to push an agenda here and I am just gonna ignore that."

Feeling your face warming up, you walked away to distract yourself with something else. It's nothing! You repeated in your head as if to remind yourself. Yoongi seemed to thought the same thing since you saw him getting comfortable with the same girl he's been talking to ever since you arrived.

There is a tightness in your chest. You had to stop one of the waiters who was going around with shots of espresso martini. You took one and immediately let it slid down your throat before returning the glass to the same guy.

Out of the blue, you hear a familiar beat of the drum playing along your song that was playing in the background. The small crowd in the dancefloor started cheering. Turning around, you see your live band on the small stage back in their element. The lights were dim, but you can see your bassist pushing his hair back, which somehow made your throat dry.

"I think we need a vocalist." Noah spoke on the mic.

Your eyes widened, you know he sees you with your shimmering gold dress. And the spotlight that landed on you didn't help for you to hide in the corner of the room. Shaking your hands to your sides, you exhaled before walking up to the stage. The last thing you want now is to stand next to your bassist, especially when you're confused and having a meltdown in your head. But your forever motto plays in your head, fake it 'til you make it.

The band continue playing along with the song that was already playing in the background. You took a sip from a bottle of water Cal handed you before catching up on the song. Shaking it off, you put on your usual popstar persona. The one who's confident, spontaneous, and maybe a little annoying to your bassist.

An idea pops in your head, making you signal to the band to repeat the song from the start. They followed, same with the DJ who turned down the music. Noah began counting and Yoongi almost crashed out in his head when he felt you standing close to him.

Unexpectedly, you lifted his chin, making him look at you. You silently hoped he is under the same spell as you are, not knowing that your touch burns his skin. Looking straight to his eyes, you sung,

"Oh, I leave quite an impression..."

The moment you saw a hint of something familiar in his gaze, you tried to bit off a victory smirk, letting go of him and turning to the crowd. A spur of energy grew quickly in you, knowing that you're not the only one struggling here.

The crowd sings along throughout the whole song. Yoongi was quite relieved that you didn't try to pull something on him again. He knew you got him earlier in the song, hence why you are suddenly more confident now, dancing on stage. Your hips swayed along with the beats and he finds himself almost getting out of tune, distracted. He played it off, adding a cool riff in your song, which made you turn to him.

"Show off." you scoffed in the mic, making the crowd laugh.

"Every time you close your eyes, And feel his lips, you're feelin' mine..."

That gave you another reason to annoy him. Yoongi felt you resting on his sides like he was a wall. You slowly slid down as you sang the bridge before getting up to let the crown scream the line,

"Yeah, I know I've been known to share!"

Yoongi tried to stay as far as possible from you after that performance. Harry sang too after you called him on stage, which didn't really distract Yoongi as they played the song your ex wrote about you. Only Angel. What a fitting title? He thought.

After that, they played a couple more songs before getting back to their booth. He was so ready to get back to the hotel, but he didn't to leave Bea alone, who he enjoyed talking with tonight. She just finished her fourth glass of the night when she noticed the time on her watch.

"Oh, it's almost midnight." She murmured as the corners of her lips dropped.

"And? Are you Cinderella?" Yoongi quipped.

Her eyes narrowed behind her glasses, "Well, yeah. Fairy Godmother will take away this thick ribbed-knit sweater once I don't show up in Central Park on time."

They laughed. She continued, "I have a flight to catch tomorrow morning. Need to be home before Christmas."

Bea began saying goodbye to everyone. Yoongi said he'll go back to the hotel too, and got a knowing look from his bandmates. He rolled his eyes, lifting his middle finger at them, which made them laugh. The party is dying down anyway. Yoongi saw you saying goodbye to Harry before he left after he performed on stage. Then, he didn't catch sight of you again.

"How about you? Going back to LA for the holidays?" Bea asked as they walked out of the private lounge.

Yoongi clicked his tongue, "I don't know. I have no plans yet."

They stopped on the pavement. The paparazzi are long gone, it's just them and the distant noise of the city.

"Maybe you can come to Seattle with me? Want to meet my parents?" she joked. "But seriously, I enjoyed talking with you, Yoongi."

He smiled, feeling a warmth on his chest, "Me too, Bea."

As if on cue, a yellow cab stopped in front of them. Bea looked at him before getting on her tiptoes to give his cheek a soft peck.

"Contact me. Let's see each other again once we're in the same place again. Okay?" she smiled, hopeful.

He nods at her with a small smile before she gets in the cab, waving at her before the car drives away. For a few seconds, Yoongi stood there alone. He looked down, remembering the last time he went on a date. As an image of Sara came up in his mind, he shook it off while walking away.

Yoongi did not mind walking from the party to the hotel. It was a twenty-minute stroll. He needed it with so many thoughts in his head to organize. His dating game, the mistletoe, Bea, your gold mini-dress that exposed your back, his plans for Christmas, your face when you pulled away, his house back in LA... the kiss.

What the fuck.

He paused just right before the hotel everyone in your staff is staying at. You kept on reeling back in his head, he did not even notice it. Suddenly, he's recalling your scent and the softness of your lips on his. It lingers. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Then, he remembered your own fingers running through his jet-black hair when he was asked to show up during your Bed Chem performance. Your gaze under the red lights. His Adam's apple bobbed as he thought about it.

As he walked into the hotel elevator, Yoongi thought of hopping into a quick shower before sleeping tonight. Maybe it will clear up some of his thoughts. Just when the door began closing, he heard a scream from a distance.

"Please hold it!"

Yoongi, although distracted, followed. He held out his hand between the doors, slowly opening it up again. That's when you showed up, chest heaving, still wearing the same dress Yoongi was thinking about. He squeezed his eyes closed as he turned his head down. The amount of curses he let out in his head.

"Thank you." you tried to say it softly, but you were breathless from running. You push the button to your floor and you notice that he still hasn't clicked his. "What floor?"

"Hmm?"

You turn around and catch him staring at you in a way you've never seen before. You felt your stomach twist. Your eyes moved down to his lips. He was biting too hard, turning the skin red. You watched as he inhaled, lifting his shoulders like he was trying to stay still.

"Same as yours. Twenty-nine," he mumbled.

His voice was too deep, your voice ran dry. You nodded, standing back next to him. Silence hummed for the first few seconds as the door closed. You didn't know that this tension joined you two in this elevator, making the atmosphere heavy and honestly, a little warm. You felt it again. Your lips. They're tingling again.

You can feel that he feels the same way. Your heart starts to beat too fast when you look at him again, still biting down his lip. Hard. Maybe talking would help.

"So, what happened—"

You were not even done with your question about Bea when Yoongi moved forward, crashing his lips on yours. It felt urgent. And hot. Like he was thinking about it for a while now. It was like you broke him.

Your gasp barely made it out of your lips when he swallowed it. He got his one hand on your cheek, while the other was squeezing your waist. His fingers held you down as you squirmed too much.

You don't really have much thought except him. His scent. His lips. His hair. Oh my god, his hair. You ran your fingers on it, tugging on it as you felt the temperature rising in your body. He groaned before pressing you on the elevator wall. You tilted your head, deepening the kiss, while your hands explored each others' bodies. Desperation and hunger reeks from the way you two taste each other's tongues.

Wanting to hear him again, you bit on his lower lip. He groaned lowly, feeling the vibration in your chest. You smiled into the kiss. Suddenly, you felt both of his hands on your waist. You instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling the kiss getting gentler.

Your chests were heaving as he pulled away, resting his forehead above yours. You unconsciously licked your lips after seeing how his got redder and glossier due to your own. You noticed his Adam's apple moved up and down, making you meet his eyes.

Ding!

Your heads snapped to the side when the elevator door opened. Yoongi's hands clenched when you slowly stepped back, exiting the elevator wordlessly. He followed behind you while still tasting the strawberry taste of your lipgloss.

Your rooms were right before each other's. Turning your back, you didn't say anything as you opened the door. He didn't either and faced his door, but didn't reached for the key card. The moment he heard your door closed, he turned around.

Fuck it.

Determined, he knocked on your wooden door. And almost in an instant, it opened with you pulling him inside.

note | thank u for @momma1 for commenting this song months ago! 🩷 please consider as the conclusion for the first leg of this tour. the next drabbles will be set after their "tour break". lmk what u think of this one?

SERIES TAGLIST

kindly check out my taglist rules on my pinned post :)

@busanbby-jjk @jimingirl95 @treacherqus @jajabro @marnz1990 @ktownshizzle @notarshia @m00njinnie @thelilbutifulthings @tarahardcore @livisdoingfine @jungshaking @eridanus-lynx @enthralled-bandit @goodnight-n-go-home @ronyiboniyy @jimeg629 @lveegsoi

PERMANENT TAGLIST (CLOSED)

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[pardonmydelays]

i'm sorry but i'm just gonna leave this here:

[itaipava]

— little hints f1 boys would give that they have a crush on you.

˒ ⌕ LANDO NORRIS

he is interested in all your passions and hobbies: even if it is something he knows little about, he’ll ask you about your passions or things you like to do to have more to talk about with you and to get to know you even better. he also likes to research on the internet and send you videos that he finds about your favorite topics and, when you least expect it, he will start conversations about it, leaving you surprised but happy to know that he puts a lot of effort into connecting with your world.

˒ ⌕ GEORSE RUSSELL

he always includes you in his plans: whenever he travels, he talks as if you’re going too, without even inviting you directly. when you ask him about it, he usually says, “well, you’re going with me, aren’t you?” and when you can’t go because of work, he gets really frustrated, but he makes sure to keep you updated. he’s also always saying “we should check out that new place together… when are you free?” or “wouldn’t it be fun if you go with me for the next race?” he loves planting the idea of ​​future moments with you, and he loves it when they actually come true.

˒ ⌕ SEBASTIAN VETTEL

he loves teasing you: he always looks for a way to tease you, but always with a touch of flirting, which leaves you wondering if it's really just a joke or if he means something with it. he also hates it when someone else does this and he doesn’t hide his anger, and it’s at this moment that you also don't miss the opportunity to tease him; and the look in his eyes tells you that in fact, he doesn’t tease you just for fun.

˒ ⌕ CARLOS SAINZ

he always offers to help you with whatever you need: no matter what you need, he will do whatever it takes for you and to make your life easier. he will get you a coffee (and a sweet treat) in minutes when you say you want it. he will buy you something you said you needed but couldn't because you were too busy. he will come to your house to fix that broken drawer. he will always be there for you, even when you don't ask him directly, he will be there.

˒ ⌕ CHARLES LECLERC

he always remembers little details about you: sometimes he'll casually mention something small that you've said in the past, like your favorite snack or a specific memory. and sometimes you're delightfully surprised by how accurately he tells you these things because you could swear he'd forgotten or didn't really care, but he's always paying extra attention to you and everything you say is important to him.

˒ ⌕ LEWIS HAMILTON

he always compliments you a lot: but they’re not generic compliments that you always hear, he focuses on unique characteristics of yours that he really admires, like “you always have a way of making everything more fun and cool” or “you always seem to know the right things to say”, he’s always complimenting you, and he always means it.

˒ ⌕ OSCAR PIASTRI

he always looks for reasons to text you: he likes to send you news about your favorite singers, bands, authors or something he knows you’ll like. it’s things like “you popped into my head when i saw this, and i had to share” or “doesn’t this remind you of that joke you made?” and he always tries to keep the conversation going, no matter what.

˒ ⌕ LIAM LAWSON

he is always your biggest fan: whatever you do, he gives you all the support and help in the world. he is always the first one to show up when you need encouragement, whether it’s to wish you good luck at an event or send you a bouquet of flowers with a little note, or a brief message saying that he believes in you, and that he knows everything will turn out fine. he also loves talking about you to people like “did you see what y/n did? she’s amazing, right?” he is your biggest fan, and he doesn’t hide it from anyone.

˒ ⌕ MAX VERSTAPPEN

he looks at you a lot: when you two make eye contact, you have to look at something else first because he can’t get enough of you - and he loves it when you get embarrassed about it. he also loves to admire you when you’re distracted and don’t realize he’s looking at you; he loves looking at you and learning your mannerisms. to him, you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen, and even though sometimes you catch him staring at you and ask him with a smile what he’s looking at, he doesn’t stop or give you a serious answer, which creates a spark of curiosity in you.

[rizzkisworld]

exes to lovers

pairing: ex!enhypen x gn!reader

genre: fluff, slight angst if you squint

word count: 2.6k (each member is 300-400)

warnings: mention of princess treatment in Jay's(I don't feel like it implies a female reader, but understand if gendered terms make you uncomfy), Sunghoon's is a little depressing, lmk if there's anything else

Ty to my bae Milan ( @kairoot ) for the help💋

reblogs and feedback are appreciated!

Heeseung

Guess I never got over you

There's never a moment in time where he's not thinking of you. Everything reminds him of you. Whenever he's scrolling through pictures on his phone, he always comes across yours. He could never bring himself to delete them. You were just.....his whole world. You were his everything and even though you broke up he could still feel a piece of you somewhere in his heart.

He doesn't even try to get with anyone else. He might go on dates here and there, but nothing goes anywhere. Not because the date was bad, but none of them are you. He only wants you. He doesn't admit it to anyone else, but you're always on his mind every second.

A year without you felt like hell. It was the biggest surprise to see you out while he was running errands. He wanted to be normal, didn't want to approach you and make you feel awkward. But most importantly, he didn't want to expose that he still had heavy feelings for you. He assumed you got over him, probably dating someone else now. He wouldn't be surprised cause you're so amazing. 

He's in total shock when you approach him. There's a smile stuck on his face the entire time. Talking to you felt as if the gloom in his cloudy brain was overtaken by sunshine. You were his sunshine. You'd invite him to get something to eat after figuring out you both hadn't eaten. Was this for real? Is he dreaming?

You never realized how much you missed him until now. The others never satisfied your needs. Never gave you the proper attention he had, stared at you with loving eyes like he had, going out of their way to make you smile on your worst days like he had. You realized then that Heeseung was made for you. Being together may not have been right a year ago, but now, you knew it was the perfect time.

Jay

Never a moment you're not on my mind

Breakups were difficult, we all know this. But your breakup with Jay broke you. You felt as if a part of you left. You felt as if you were drowning in an ocean and he was the only one who could save you. But he wasn't there. At this point you believed life was unfair. Your first valentine's day without him really reminded you how in love you were.

The sweet gestures he would do, the dates he would plan, the gifts he would get, the princess treatment you received. You felt like you mattered to him. You felt like you were special. And you were. He saw you as more than just his partner. The breakup did a lot of damage to his heart as well. Though he wasn't as broken for long like you were, the impact you left on his life was visible. Especially now that you are gone. 

You miss him everyday. There were times you believed you were over him. Times when you believed you were okay. Suddenly everything would come crashing down again. You just knew he was with someone new. Knew he didn't think about you the way you thought about him. Though not to the same extent as you, he did think about you.

Fate. That's how you'd both describe it when you bumped into each other. It was at a concert for a band you both loved. You'd spend so much time gushing over them together when you were dating. Things were extremely awkward. Actually that's an understatement for the tension between you two. It was as simple as a "hi" and a "how are you" before you had parted ways that day.

Little did you guys know that one occurrence was one of many. Suddenly you guys saw each other five times a month. At that point you knew it had to mean something right? The short conversations turned into long ones. All of a sudden you guys were texting? Then calling? Oh this totally meant something. Let's just say a rekindle of the relationship was the next step and it came faster than you could ever imagine. 

Jake

Are we even exes?

The breakup was unexpected....kind of. Jake couldn't handle seeing you hurt, you couldn't handle seeing him that way either. With that being said, you both agreed to be friends. Friends, that was totally all you were. He was totally your ex. It was normal to still talk everyday, cuddle in bed, watch movies together, say "I love you" to each other, and make out. You know, things exes don't do. 

You both swear up and down that you didn't realize you two were still acting like you guys were together. It took your friend to ask you if you got back with him for you to realize the situation. That's when the real breakup happened. You cried for days after cutting things off. Some days you felt fine and then the next you would feel as if a pile of garbage fell on you. 

This sucked. Everything sucked. Everyone sucked. It took months to finally get over him. You had started going on dates again and let Jake completely leave your mind. Life without him was strange at first, but then it became normal. Even when you first saw him again at your mutual friend's party, you weren't fazed. He didn't seem fazed either. In fact, you saw him dancing around with another girl. That had to be his girlfriend right? 

Didn't matter to you though. Strangely enough, that wasn't a one time thing. You started seeing him everywhere. Like legitimately everywhere. Was this a sign? Nah, it can't be. Things changed fast however. At another one of your friends party's you saw him again.

 This time he was alone. He came up to you first. You guys talked for a bit...maybe one hour... actually for the rest of the party. One thing led to another and you both started talking consistently again. You found out that the other girl wasn't his girlfriend and she was just someone he met at that party. Safe to say you two weren't opposed to the idea of trying to work things out.

Sunghoon

Seems like we both can't move on

You always wondered if he still thought about you. You for sure thought about him. Every single day. There was no proper way to describe the hole you felt in your heart without him around. It made you feel as if you didn't cherish the relationship while it lasted.  Little did you know that Sunghoon had thoughts about you. They were never ending. Whenever he tried to focus on other things, you popped back into his mind. 

Something he's embarrassed to admit is that he has dreams about you. He didn't even realize that he stopped going outside much. He spent most of his time in his bed doing nothing, but thinking about you. You were no better. You were someone he could rely on and be raw and honest to. He was someone you could be your most authentic self with.

When you went on dates with other people, that was the one thing you noticed. None of them made you feel safe the way he did. None of them made you laugh the way he did. Were you ever going to find another like him? The first time you had seen him again, you chose to not speak. You wanted to get over him, talking to him wouldn't help. 

Funny enough, Hoon shared that same thought process. He noticed you, but feared speaking with you would make it harder to get over you. He knew it would. The both of you hated to admit, but you both hoped to see each other again. Unexpectedly, it happened again. This time, you couldn't pretend you didn't see him. He couldn't pretend he didn't see you. Because you both locked eyes the moment you saw each other.

He was about to approach you, but his friend called for him before he could reach you. Feeling somewhat hurt, you went home hoping another occurrence like that would happen. You didn't need to hope, though. Your phone buzzed, and when you checked your notifications, he texted you. 'Wanna talk in person...alone?' That was the message. You couldn't leave him hanging. Better yet, you weren't going to. Maybe, just maybe, this time things would go right.

Sunoo

The words friend and ex don't mix

You never imagined that you could still be friends with your ex, but Sunoo was different....or at least you thought. Everything was mutual, so you guys promised there would be no bad blood. What was meant to be something as simple as being cordial, you found yourself still texting and calling him. 

It's not like he was much better either. He picked up all of your calls and called back when he missed them. He responded to all your text messages and eventually found himself going out of his way to message you. 

One thing led to another, and you guys began to hang out again. Realizing how much you missed him, how much he missed you, all of this became a regular thing. Still at that, you told yourself that you were just friends and nothing more. That was until your friend asked you directly if you still had feelings for him. 

Of course you said no, it was impossible for you to catch feelings for your ex again right? Actually no, not at all. What if he didn't feel that way about you? Wondering if you should cut things once and for all, you then receive a message. From him. He wanted to meet with you. Anxious was somehow an understatement for how you felt. 

You knew just as good that you would regret this. You knew he was going to cut things off, so you were preparing yourself. This last time you would spend together felt so bittersweet. You'd be in for a surprise when Sunoo spoke words you didn't know you desperately wanted to hear. "Wanna try us again?" That sweet smile you missed seeing. His delicate voice you missed hearing. Nothing in the world could compare to this moment. "Of course."

Jungwon

Can't escape you

You hadn't seen him since the breakup. It had been about 2 years since it all happened. It took you some time, but eventually you were able to move on from everything.  You weren't necessarily trying to get back in the dating pool. Everytime your friends tried to set you up on a date you told them you weren't ready. The time just didn't feel right.

But has timing ever been on your side? Six months ago you started a new job at a café. It was mainly so you could build your bank up to help pay for your studies. Your coworker had told you the other day that someone new would be working. You did not expect it to be Jungwon. While you were wiping down the counter, you heard his voice. There was no mistaking his voice. "Hey, I'm Ju- oh.." He paused the moment he noticed who you were.

"Hi." You avoided all eye contact with him. Opening hours were coming up in 15 minutes, so you needed to make sure everything was set up. However, you couldn't take your attention away from him. He couldn't take his eyes away from you. You both failed to notice that neither of you moved. That was until the door opened and customers started coming in. From that day on you realized you'd be seeing him a lot.

For the first 3 months of working together you didn't dare speak to him and neither did he dare speak to you. The only words you'd exchange were work related. One day however, oddly enough, Jungwon approached you. Why? You still don't know, but the conversation was pleasant. You got the chance to catch up on each other's lives and share a few laughs. That's all. At least you thought so.

More months passed, and whenever you saw Jungwon you got that feeling. You know, the one where you can't think straight when your crush is around and your heart feels like it's 3 steps away from a heart attack? But you didn't have a crush on your ex right? Caught up in your thoughts, you never noticed how his eyes shined whenever they landed on you. How he was so eager to see you and hear your voice. He already accepted defeat. He'd fallen for you all over again. Now, all he needed was for you to admit you wanted him too.

Ni-ki

I'm here now

One of the more..."normal" breakups. Things just didn't work out at the time. He was traveling a lot while you were busy studying. You guys barely had time for each other and the relationship turned into a long distance one. You both decided things weren't working out and ultimately decided to break up. It broke your heart, of course it did. No breakup was easy.

You often found yourself reminiscing on the time you had spent together. He did too. Riki found it hard to sleep some nights knowing you weren't in his arms. I mean technically towards the end of the relationship you weren't there often, but being broken up felt different. Slowly but surely you built yourself up again. You weren't crying anymore and you were able to sleep peacefully now. However, you did still think about him from time to time.

It had only been a few months after all. You were still healing and that journey is never finishing quickly. Once you were in a better state your grades had improved, your skin was clear, you really took time to look after yourself. Riki on the other hand was healing slowly too. A few people had approached him, but he wasn't interested. Though he was getting over you, there were times you were on his mind. When a year and 6 months of your breakup passed, the both of you were in better shape. You both felt better and looked better.

Even better news, Riki was no longer traveling like crazy. He knew this was probably going too far, but he needed to see you. He at least wanted to see how you were doing. He claimed he wanted nothing more, but deep down, he wanted to hold you, kiss you, tell you the words you wanted to hear before you guys broke up. 'I'm here to stay.' You were at the library looking for a book you needed for a class when you noticed a familiar figure in your peripheral entering. It was Riki. You couldn't lie and pretend like you weren't excited. Riki didn't even know why he was there.

Something in his body just told him to go to the library. Now he knew why. Upon seeing you, he couldn't resist the urge to let his arms fly open. You found your way into his embrace. His hug was tight. It made you feel secure. Without saying any words, mainly to avoid noise violations, his body did all the talking. The reassurance you wanted from that time, you finally got it. Riki wasn't letting you go anytime soon. He honestly forgot you guys were in public. To make the moment more perfect, he leaned into your ear and spoke those magical words. "I'm here, and I'm going to stay for you.”

[writingoddess1125]

You tell the Old Men you're Pregnant + Extra

Shanks, Buggy, Mihawk

Just Fluffy Fluff!

Also to those who are saying "They aren't even old!" Blah Blah- I know. I'm using Old Ironically cause it's funny. Middle Aged just don't have the same ring to it and I would/could sub in DILF but I was trying to be good.

Anywho! Enjoy!!

Shanks

So drinking and unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy- who knew... Panicking yoh decide its best to just rip that bandage off.

"Shanks- I'm pregnant"

Shanks will stare at you for a while, before starting to laugh- Hard. He will bend over laughing as his panic response sets in-

"Shanks this isn't funny! I-"

He grabs your hand and pulls you close as he held you still laughing now much softer.

"You're the best things that has ever happened to me-" He will whisper in your ear and hold you close.

This man acts like he can shit gold and piss roses when he finds out your pregnant. Nothing can get him down or damper his mood.

Even though you are miserable and sick most of this pregnancy- for almost the whole length of your pregnancy you are vomiting or nauseous so Shanks has to make you eat and buys things to help you.

"Shanks I'm not hungry..." You grumble as you sit on the bed. Shanks hanging you a cup of tea and some soft bread.

"I know love- But you haven't had anything solid in 3 days. Let's get this bread a try?" He says softly, You nodding and eating what you could and sipping of the flowery tea.

He will eventually find something that you can eat without getting sick and buy as much of it as possible. He may grow tired of the smell but will never complain.

When you go into labor he is still a little too excited at the prospect of his child being brought into the world. Will comfort you the whole way through but is more interested in seeing his child.

Buggy

It was a complete accident- You blamed the trip to the hot springs two months previously.. being pregnant with Buggy's child was definitely not what you had planned for yourself or him.

"Buggy I'm pretty sure I'm um.. pregnant"

You beeak it to him after a good day and even set out his favorite sweets to try and make this as soft as possible. Buggy just stares at you, His face completely unreadable as he just stares at you.

"Buggy?..." You are now anxious as he stays silent and stone faced- However he walks over to you lightly and just wraps his arms around you. Not saying a word but you can feel how tense his body is- He's scared?...

"We will be fine.. All of us. How do you feel about it?..." He will mumbled- This being so different to how he normally is as he is feeling scared in a new way.

After the initial shock of it all he will be so over the top its not even funny. You might as well be made out of glass and carrying a paper child cause that's how he treats you. Infront of the crew while he is less likely to be as openly affectionate he is still just as protective.

Understands physical insecurities so will never insult or even bring up your appearance as your body goes through changes. Hell have mercy on the person who even accidently hints at your bigger weight since he will go ape-shit and throw the biggest tantrum of all temper tantrums before brutally killing whoever said it.

He is very Very touchy- his hand has to always be on you at all times and so his detached hand has been known to stay either on your lower back, or on your arm like some horror themed arm band.

In private he is very thoughtful especially as you get near the due date.

"Sorry pressure" You hissed in discomfort rolling to your side to receive some pressure from your back. Buggy getting up calmly and moving you to stand on your feet. Which was definently not something you wanted-

That was till Buggy stood behind you as his hand detached and went under your large belly gently listing it up which relived the pressure from your back. You sigh and lean against him as he does this. Will hold you stomach up for a solid hour ignoring the sorness in his hands for you-

Will feed you constantly any food he can find, Anything you want he has made for you. If a food makes you sick magically the plate seems to be thrown out to open sea.

Will also be an emotional wreck when his children are born- If you are angry at him or scream while in labor he will take it- if not give a few quips back. However all is forgotten once the kids arrive.

Mihawk

While you believe it was an accident- It was not by Mihawks standards. He has been planning this for months since you are the only one he sees worthy of officially carrying his children.

"Mihawk I'm pregnant" You say bracing for at least a level of irritation but instead he looked pleased. Reaching a hand out to caress your belly and stare at you fondly.

"I am happy to hear that"

Will take blame in saying he must have not been careful and that its too late now and will be happy to take full and total responsibility.

Is a textbook kind of man so will have book pages memorized on what you should be doing. How many more calories needed for the baby, stretches, the healthiest food. Aka he's fucking annoying-

You will be in the kitchen with a fork in a cake eating, feeling the wave of low blood sugar that has clouded your mind and tired of the veggies or fresh fruit that Mihawk had shoved down your throat- Mid bite the cake was pulled away by Mihawk.

"It is bad for you to have-" Will pause at your glare as you step very close to him, Grabbing his beard with iron clasp hands and yank him down to your level which make his eyes go wide.

"Mihawk... If you don't hand over that cake- I'm going to take your sword and shove it so far up your ass that the handle will be in your mouth" You all but hiss, Making Mihawk lower the cake down and hand it to you silently.

Will learn that maybe not everything has to go to textbook. Despite being a bit of a hardass for your safety he will give you massages, rub your feet help decorate to your liking. If you're sick will help you the entire time in getting better.

Rubs lotion on any tender spots or stretch marks and hums a tune you've never heard before.

Will be there with every step of the way during the labor. Supportive and comforting the whole time his child is being brought into the world, If complications will be a rock for you and will pick you if it came down to it.

[eand47]

Chapter VIII | The Beach

Summary: You moved to one of the biggest cities in the world - Grand Line to pursue filmmaking career. Soon enough your path will cross with the vocalist of upcoming band called “The Neighbourhood”. At first you decided to be just friends - because it would be easier, but sadly as everything in life sometimes by taking the easy path we regret a lot of things.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Supporting characters: Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Deuce, Shanks, Buggy, Sabo, Eustass Kid, Koala, Robin, Dave (OC)

Description: Modern AU | Musician Ace

WARNINGS: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cigarettes/nicotine, mentions of childhood trauma, mentions of loneliness, aggressive content, graphic description of violence, heavy angst, family trauma, mentions of blood, mentions of stabbing wound, mentions of broken bones, slapping across the face, heavy angst, mentions of death, slight hints of depression

Word Count: 20,2K

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NOTE: First I want to thank you all for the patience ♡ I now that it has been a month since I last posted a chapter, but I had a little writers block (and two more fics) and I wasn't exactly sure how I want to structure this chapter and what should I left for the next one, but the chapter turned out pretty long anyway, so at least next one will be out faster as I already know what I want to write about in it ♡ Just to add something quick for those of you who have watched the show 'Shameless' the house and the neighborhood where the ASL trio grew up is the exact same vibe. Also please note when you read the last part of the chapter that I have purposely referred to Reader as 'you' and not as 'her' as this is the first time where you have an interaction between her/you and Ace from mostly Ace POV, so it's not a writing mistake. I have some more things to say, but I will keep them for the end note as I don't want to spoil anything for you, so enjoy ♡

Twenty years ago

Walking into the house and kicking his shoes off the little kid with bloody nose grumbled as he heard his aunt talking loudly to someone, probably on the phone. Rolling his eyes the child tried to sneak in quietly through the hallway to go to his room, but his attempts were unsuccessful.

“Ace.” Dadan’s loud voice filled the house, causing Ace to roll his eyes. “Don’t try to sneak in, brat. I saw you coming from the window.”

Rolling his eyes again, the six years old child made his way to the kitchen. Walking in, his eyes landed on the tall overweight woman, who had a cigarette between her lips as always. Her curly long ginger hair was falling freely on her broad shoulders and her brown eyes were now fixated on Ace.

“Did you get in a fight, again?” She eyed him up and down carefully, waiting for the child to start speaking.

“What do you think Dadan?” Ace angrily scrunched his whole face as he looks at Dadan. Taking a long puff from her cigarette, Dadan just shook her head as she turned her attention back to the boiling pot on the stove.

“Go get clean.” She told Ace, who stormed out from the kitchen and made his way upstairs to his room. “Ah, Rogue. How could you leave me this son of yours, who is good for nothing.” She mumbled to herself. “This kid will end up like his dad one day.”

Going to the bathroom, Ace grabbed the little step ladder there and climbed on it to open the cabinet where first emergency kit was. Dadan had stopped cleaning his bloody nose long time ago as she got tired of him getting into fights every other day with the older kids in the street. That was why Ace had to learn how to clean his own bloody nose alone, along with the bruises on his body.

For only a six years old child he was quite independent mostly due to the fact that Dadan couldn’t manage with his behaviour and has given up on trying to discipline him. For his age Ace was a menace – too angry and grumpy for a kid. He got kicked out from kindergarten for bad behaviour and terrorising the rest of the children, for which Dadan was now stuck to stay home most of the time because leaving him alone would be against the law. Not like she did spend time with him, but in case someone calls the child services she must be around. It had happened once, they came to look at their home because someone’s mother from the kindergarten had called on the family, if you could call it one. Thankfully Dadan had connections with one of the heads of the social works and he saved her and Ace from being separated, but for this she must return him a big number of favours.

Sometimes Dadan wondered if it was worth it - yes, Ace was her beloved little sister’s child, but he had taken none of her kindness, the kid was a walking disaster and a copy of his father, the only thing he had from her sister were the freckles. That was why sometimes she was questioning if Ace would have been better off in some foster family or adopted by somebody else, but Dadan had promised Rouge that she would take care of him no matter what because it was her death wish. If Rouge was alive, Dadan was sure she would have taken better care of the boy, as Dadan herself was lacking all the mother instincts, something her sister always had and wanted.

Ace was a wanted child by both of his parents, but he would never know about this or even if he did, he wouldn’t believe it. He knew some things regarding who his mother was and how she looked, but when it came to his father, he knew nothing about him but that he was a well known and wanted criminal who died before Ace was born and from whom he has taken everything bad. As Dadan once screamed at him ‘You are good for nothing, brat. Just like the father of yours.’ These words have echoed in his ears since then.

Cleaning the blood off his nose, Ace stepped down from the small ladder and put it back to the side. Exiting the bathroom with a kick of the door, Ace went straight to his room. Opening and closing the door to it, he quickly locked it in case Dadan decided to come and bothered him.

The room was pretty small – with only a single bed and a small nightstand on the side and not so big wardrobe. Ace didn’t have many toys or books to begin with so the room wasn’t full of the typical things that other children might have in their rooms. Getting on his knees next to the bed, Ace reached with his hands for the little shoe box he has hidden under it. Inside the box was filled with things he had stolen from other children – Hot Wheels, which Dadan would never buy him until he would learn to behave and because of it Ace took it in his own hands to find a way to have them, some Lego pieces and his most recent and treasured of them all – an iPod with a pair of headphones.

Ace stole the iPod two day ago, from some teenage girl at the nearby park. He saw how she and her friends weren’t paying attention to their surroundings so the moment he spotted the iPod in the side pocket of her bag he was determined to have it. Walking closer to them he tripped on purpose and started to “cry” to which the girls immediately jumped to help him as who wouldn’t help a little adorable kid like him. While the girls were trying to cheer him up, he used the time to ask them for an ice cream and all four of them were quick to jump and run to buy him one, leaving all their belongings on the side. By the time they were back, Ace had left with the iPod and the headphones. The girl, from whom he has stolen the iPod, didn’t realise that it was missing until she was on her way home, but even then, it didn’t cross her mind that it was Ace who had stolen it, and it was probably her who dropped it somewhere.

The only problem that Ace had now was that the iPod was almost out of battery, and he didn’t have any charger for it, nor he was sure of how to charge it. Asking Dadan would lead to a fight with her, and she wasn’t very good with electronics so he must find a solution on his own. Placing the headphones on his head Ace started going through the songs on the iPod, luckily for him, the girl from who he stole it had a lot of songs on it, but not all of them matched his taste.

Music has always calmed him, and it also made him feel connected to his mom. He had seen many pictures of her holding a guitar while singing, once on a very old video tape he even heard her singing. His mother had a beautiful and melodic voice, one he could listen to for hours. Sometimes while listening to music Ace would catch himself singing along or humming the song he was currently listening to, which was very comforting for him. Not only he found something to connect with his mother, but also something that gave him the peace of mind.

Laying down on the bed with the headphones on his ears and some song he has never heard before, Ace closed his eyes, a deep exhale coming out of his chest into the air. The song was very old compared to the other ones on the iPod, which were more modern and with more fasten rhythm, but this one was slow and sensual.

Say my name Sun shines through the rain Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?

Listening closely to the lyrics, Ace was tapping with his finger on the bed following the rhythm of the song. He wasn’t a fan of love songs at all, let alone a love ballad, but there was something catchy about this one.

A whole life so lonely And then come and ease the pain I don't wanna lose this feelin', oh

Ace never knew what affection or love was. Dadan was never gentle with him nor affectionate, she was there for him to provide what he needed the most which was a roof over his head and a meal on the table. She had said it to him – “Don’t mistake me for a mother, I ain’t one.” And this has stuck with him since then. He has never ever even received a hug from her, not even on his birthday. Until he was four years old, Ace didn’t even know when his birthday was. One day he just woke up and was met with a cake in the kitchen and a ‘Happy Birthday, brat’ from Dadan and that was it, since that day he knew when his birthday was, but it was never something special, it was never something worth celebrating in their household.

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling

A single tear ran down his round cheek and he was quick to wipe it away with the back of his hand. Ace never cries. He couldn’t and shouldn’t – ‘big strong men don’t cry’, that was what he was told. And he was one - a big strong man, in the body of a six years old child who craved nothing but some affection. A child which needed someone to wrap their arms around his tiny form and tell him that everything would be alright.

The song was at its final chorus when Ace heard a loud banging on the door. He sat straight in the bed immediately as he heard Dadan voice.

“What are you doing locked there, brat? Open the door immediately.” Her loud and raspy voice from all the cigarettes she has smoked echoed through the house. Removing the headphones from his head, Ace hid them and the iPod under his pillow. Jumping out of bed quickly he went and unlocked the door, opening it with one swift move.

“What do you want Dadan?” The little boy asked with an angry voice and frown brows.

“Dinner’s ready. Come downstairs – Dogra and Magra are home now, and we have something important to speak about.” She said and left without waiting for response from the child. Closing the door once again, Ace made sure to put back the iPod in the box under his bed.

Going downstairs into the kitchen, Dogara – a short skinny bald man with a clean shaved face and Magra – a tall very muscular man with a long mustache and bright red hair shaved on both sides. leaving only some hair in the middle, were sitting on the round table. They were living with him and Dadan, since Ace could remember, so they were practically a family. Ace took his usual sit next to Dogara and waited for Dadan to place the food on the table.

Placing the pot of stew in the middle of the table, Dadan filled her and Ace’s plate and Dogara and Magara did the same. Ace tried reaching with his hand for some bread and Dogara saw his struggle to reached it, so he handed it to him easily.

“There you go, Ace.” He said with a smile as Ace snatched the loaf from his hands.

“Say thanks, brat.” Dadan was quick to scoff the little boy as he was lacking all kind of manners. He only rolled his eyes to her and took a big bite of the bread not carrying about what he was being told.

The adults on the table were having a conversation while Ace was just focused on his food not paying attention to whatever they were walking about.

“Listen, Ace.” Dadan’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Moving his eyes from his plate to her, Ace fixed his gaze on Dadan. “From next month you are going to pre-school and this time you will behave, okay! You heard me clearly, brat?” She gave him a stern look which was met with Ace’s unbothered eyes. “Also, Garp came by two days ago. We are going to foster a kid your age from next week, which means you both are going to pre-school, and you are also going to share your room with him.”

Hearing this Ace whole face scrunched with anger. Why should he share? Why was Dadan fostering another kid when she was barely paying any attention to Ace? Why wasn’t he enough?

“I’m not sharing my room.” He yelled angrily at her as he dropped his spoon in the plate splashing some of the food around the table and on the floor.

“You have no saying in this, brat. Dogara and Magra are going to buy and build a bunk bed tomorrow in your room so make sure to clean around the shit you have.” Dadan had no choice but to raise her voice at him a bit, as he was stubborn as aways, never making things easy for her.

The chair on which Ace sat made a loud quacking noise on the floor as Ace pulled it away from the table and jumped off it, storming out from the kitchen. ‘Stupid Dadan, stupid house and stupid kid’ He was murmuring to himself as he was running up the stairs and going straight to his room. Closing the door shut after himself and locking it, he ran to the bed and pulled out the box under it, taking the iPod off it. Placing the headphones over his head and laying on the bed, he played the old ballad love song. Ace closed his eyes and turned around burring his face in the pillow, biting on it he tried his best not to let the tears fall from his eyes as his little fists were clenching the bedsheets. Soon the room was filled with the sound on his quiet sobs. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for him to have to share when he barely had anything to begin with. It wasn’t fair for another kid to come and live with them when Dadan didn’t even want Ace in a first place or did she only feel this way about Ace? Did she only not want Ace? Why didn’t she want him in a fist place? They shared the same blood after all. He was her sister’s child, she was his aunt – why was she never nice and loving towards him? Ace knew that he was very bad behaving child, and he didn’t like this, but at the same time he couldn’t help it, because it was only then when Dadan would pay him any attention. It was only then when he could get any attention from her. Ace didn’t want much, he only wished to feel wanted by someone, anyone. Yet, this wish seemed to be impossible.

‘You are good for nothing.’ The words echoed through the child’s mind again. Was this true? Was he never going to be good at something? Was he going to cause trouble all his life? Was he never going to find someone to love and accept him with all his flaws – not even a friend? Would he ever find a friend in this world? Why was he cursed to be all by himself and lonely?

A year later

Laughter filled the house when the two young boys burst in it after their first day in school. Kicking their shoes on the side and ready to run upstairs they were interrupted by Dadan’s voice calling them from the living room. With a groan the two kids followed the voice and walked in the room only to see her sitting on the very old and worn-out couch, but to their surprise next to her on it was sitting a little boy no older than three years old, with a runny nose and eyes filled with tears. Both Ace and Sabo looked at each other with confusion written all over their faces.

“This is Luffy, and he will be part of the family from now on, come on Luffy introduce yourself.” Hearing her voice being almost tender Ace was taken aback by the fact that Dadan could be this gentle towards a child. Not only the softness in her voice but also the way she was caressing the child’s back so gently made his eyes widen. She has never been this tender with him nor he could remember if she has. He has seen some of her calmer side with Sabo, but never this gentle, never this carrying. “It’s okay, Luffy. They will be nice towards you.” She encouraged the little child to look up and speak to the two older children. With a trembling lip he finally gained the courage to look up at them and as he was parting his lips to introduce himself, Luffy got interrupted.

“What the hell, Dadan?” Ace angry voice filled up the room.

“Watch your tongue, brat.” Dadan yelled at him with a warning tone.

“Why are you fostering another kid?” Ace’s little fists squeezed and his brows frowned as his eyes were moving between Dadan and the cry baby next to her. He might have been only seven, but Ace knew how much they were struggling financially and that they were barely making the ends, with this kid around the house this was only going to worsen things even more.

 “None of your concern, brat.” She cut him off and turned again to Luffy. “Come on now, don’t mind those two, especially the brat one.” Dadan side-eyed Ace with a warn in her eyes to behave.

“I-I’m Luffy a-and I-I’m three years old.” Said the little boy with hair as black and messy as Ace’s. Even his eyes were a similar colour to his, if they were to stand next to each other, someone might mistake them for brothers. Dadan clapped with her hands and congratulated Luffy for being brave by introducing himself.

“Now you two.” Her tone completely changed for Ace and Sabo.

“Hey Luffy, my name is Sabo, and this here is Ace.” Sabo, the blonde boy who Dadan took in her home a year ago, smiled at Luffy and pointed with his thumb towards Ace who just scowled at Luffy. “We are both seven years old and we just started elementary school.”

If Ace was a grumpy menace, then Sabo was almost the same – he was just smart enough to hid it from Dadan and other adults around, in front of them he was just a sweet polite child, which even in their household was barely receiving a “no”.

To everyone’s surprise it didn’t take long for Ace and Sabo to get along, in fact they were the same when in came to mischiefs, but it was mostly Ace who was taking the blame for it. Sabo usually would get a scold while Ace would get scold and yelled at the same time. But Ace was telling himself that this was okay, after all he was carrying the cross of the black sheep in the family on his back.

“Luffy is going to sleep in your room. We al-”

“What? There isn’t any space left, you old hag.” Ace yelled and got closer to Dadan and Luffy.

“Who are you calling an old hag, you brat.” Dadan yelled back at him and got up from the couch. Her tall form casting a shadow over Ace, but he didn’t even flinch, this encounter between them was something typical.

“This cry baby is not allowed in my room.” His eyes moved to Luffy who was looking at him with widen tearily eyes and then back to the angry woman in front of him. Turning around angrily, Ace stormed out of the room.

“This is not your room only, brat.” Dadan yelled after him. “Sabo, take Luffy with you and show him the room.” She turned then to Sabo as she grabbed Luffy’s small hand and made him stand up from the couch. Sabo just nodded and took the little kid’s hand in his and lead him upstairs to their room.

Entering the room both Sabo and Luffy’s eyes widen from the sight in front of them – the bedsheets and the pillow on the bed, which was placed next to the window and prepared for Luffy, were torn apart and threw on the ground. Kicking the pillow right in Luffy’s face Ace stepped closer to him, his eyes full of rage.

 “You are not welcomed here little shit, keep this in mind.”

Nine years later

It was a nice warm autumn day and music was blasting from the garage and could be heard from any corner of the streets. The two sixteen years old boys were playing music in there – Sabo, now grown up, his face slowly changing into more mature one but still very boyish, covered with some acne spots on his chin and cheeks, something typical for this age, was hitting the drums, while his brother Ace, who like Sabo has grown so much in the past almost ten years, now taller, but with face a little bit more boyish than Sabo’s, attitude still the same but now a little bit under control, was playing the guitar.

“Hey, hey Ace.” Sabo yelled at his brother who continue playing some melody on his guitar. Hearing his yelling Ace stopped and focused his attention on him. “When is Law coming? Wasn’t he supposed to be here like an hour ago?”

Law was Ace’s classmate and best friend who also taught him how to play the guitar, which lead to them three playing together in the garage almost everyday now. Ace’s brows knitted as he looked at his watch, it was true, his friend was supposed to be here by now.

“Ye, I’ll text him.” Pulling the broken screen phone from his pocket, Ace started typing with one hand while with the other he was holding his guitar. “He said he is on his w-” He couldn’t finish his sentence as he saw his little brother Luffy running in full speed towards the house and storming in, while holding his left cheek like he was hurt. Looking over his shoulder at Sabo to make sure that he saw the same thing as him, the two brothers exchanged confused looks as Luffy aways comes to them first thing first when he comes back home from school or anywhere in general.

“Should we check?” They both said at the same time. With just a nod Ace removed the guitar from his shoulders and Sabo dropped the drumsticks and they ran inside the house.

“Luffy.” Ace screamed as they entered their shared room, but their little brother was no where to be seen.

“Maybe he is in the bathroom.” Sabo placed his hand on Ace’s shoulder and pointed with his head towards the end of the hallway. The two boys made their way to the bathroom door and heard the water running. “Hey, Luffy. Everything okay?” Knocking on the door, Sabo waited for his response, but nothing came.

“Luffy, come on. Say something, we know you are here.” Ace leaned on the wall next to the doorcase as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for his brother’s response.

“G-go away. Both of you.” A trembling voice yelled from the other side of the door. The two older brothers rolled back their shoulders and straighten their postures as they heard the voice filled with pain.

“Yo, yo Luffy. What the fuck is going on?” Ace raised his voice as he wasn’t the most patient person to exist. Sabo hit him on the chest with the back of his hand as his blue eyes shoot at his brother’s deep brown ones with a warning look telling him without words to calm down.

“Come on, Lu. Did you get beaten up at school again?” Sabo softly chuckled. Sometimes some of the older kids in his school bullied him in school, for which Sabo and Ace made fun of him from time to time, but they were also ready to back him up if he just said so. “Open the door, we won’t make fun of you.”

“Much.” Ace added with a smirk which caused Sabo to snort, but he was quick to compose himself.

“No, Luffy don’t listen to Ace.”

“Ye, Lu. I was messing with you.” Ace’s voice became a little softer now as he tried to assure his brother to come out and speak with them.

“Go away.” Luffy screamed again, but this time the sob that escaped his lips was heard by his brothers.

“Luffy, if you don’t open this door I will.” Ace warned him as his patience was wearing thin.

“And so, will I.” Sabo added.

One of the doors in the hallway opened and from it came out Dogara – still short and bald, he looked at the guys in disbelief.

“What are you three yelling about this time?” He screamed at the two boys who were ignoring him. “I’m talking to you two.” He screamed again as he walked closer to them.

“Shut up.” The two brothers, now so much taller than Dogara, screamed in unison causing the short man to flinch.

“I’m telling Dadan.” He murmured going back to his room determined to call their foster-mother.

“Luffy this is the last warning, open the door or we will.” This time it was Sabo who warned the youngest of them three.

“I’m fine. P-please, go away.” Tears were falling down from Luffy’s eyes mixing with the blood coming from under his left eye. The twelve years old kid was trying to find something to stich himself from the first aid kit they had in the bathroom, but luck wasn’t on his side so the only things left in the kit were some bandages and plasters, none of which would help ease the pain or stich the knife cut under his eye.

Luffy didn’t want his older brothers to see this, because he knew they would go and do something crazy and bad to the person who did this to him, especially Ace. Ace was always the one who jumped head first when it came to protecting his younger brothers, even if he was only a few months older than Sabo, Ace was considered by them as their big brother as he was always the one to jump and protect them no matter the situation or if they were in fact the one who did wrong, he was always there for them. He was always there for the people he loved and cared for, even if he wasn’t the best in expressing his love and affection with words, he aways made sure to prove it by actions.

The two brothers on the other side of the door exchange a quick look with a nodded and with one kick at the door, which has received many kicks since the three of them have been living in here, opened wide. Luffy immediately tried to hide his face, but it was too late. His older brothers’ eyes widen from the side. The whole sink was covered in blood and so was the towel which Luffy was pressing on his face.

“Luffy are you okay?” Sabo was first to come to his senses and immediately stood on his knees next to his younger brother. Taking the towel from his hands he removed it from his face to see what was causing so much bleeding, which cause him to slightly gag at the sight of the stab under his eyes.

“Luffy... who did this?” Ace’s voice was cold, almost emotionless. He was standing leaned on the door facing away from his brothers. The only thing they could see was his clenched jaw and fists. Luffy didn’t know to whom to response first – one was extremely worried, the other extremely furious.

“Answer Luffy!” Both screamed at the same time. Luffy bit on his trembling lower lip as he focused his eyes on Ace. Both of his brothers were way taller than him as puberty has hit them already two years ago which caused Luffy to feel even smaller as he was towered by them now, more specifically by Ace.

“Ace, please.” Luffy cried out. “It was an accident. They didn’t mean it to get this far.”

“Did it happen at school? Was it the older kids?” Sabo was quick to ask, as much as he was worried, he was also enraged as Ace, but still he had to keep his cool for now and think rationality because before they go and take care of whoever did this to their little brother, they must take care of the wound first.

Luffy’s eyes were moving between Ace and Sabo, not sure and scared of how they would react and what would come next. After all they had grown up in the worst aera of Grand Line city. They were ghetto boys, who didn’t grow up with much they grew up almost with nothing, but they always had each other. Their childhood wasn’t easy, but the moment they became brothers, life started to have some meaning, some colour. Life stopped being so lonely, especially for Ace.

“Ye, Lu. Come on, tell us.” Ace finally turned to his little brother and faced him, which scared Luffy because across his older brother’s face was placed a gentle smile. Ace never smiles like this. Ace has never been this calm out of nowhere. But Luffy was just a kid, and so were his brothers, but they have made a vow that Luffy will have a childhood unlike them. They have made a promise that no matter what Luffy wouldn’t bare the pain of loneliness or sadness the same way they did, and Ace had made a promise to himself that no matter what he would try to do the same for Sabo.

“I-It was... it wasn’t kids from m-my school.” Luffy hiccupped. “It... it... it was Teach... from your school Ace.”

Hearing this Ace just looked one last time at Luffy and then Sabo and before any of them had the time to react, Ace has run off to find Teach. He was two years older than Ace and since day one, he had tired to picked on Ace, but it was no successes as every time they would get in a fight, Marshall D Teach would get his ass beaten at the end. Ace and Sabo didn’t attend the same high school, because Ace was kicked out for bad behaviour from it and that was how he ended up in a different one, but thanks to this he had met Law.

Sabo screamed after Ace, and so did Luffy but it was pointless. Holding the bloody towel to Luffy’s face, Sabo grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled his best friend Koala. He quickly explained to her that he needed her help and that she must take his little brother to the hospital as soon as possible. Koala told him that she would come with one of her father’s drivers to pick Luffy up and get him to the hospital, and with this the conversation ended.

“Okay, Luffy now listen to me.” He grabbed his little brother by the shoulders and made sure he focused on him. “Koala will be here soon, meanwhile you will keep pressing the towel to your face and wait for her on the porch.” Sabo held Luffy’s hand to his face where the wound was and made him press as blood continued to come out of it. “I must go after Ace before he does something crazy, so please come with me downstairs now and don’t come after me, wait for Koala, am I clear?” Sabo’s blue eyes were filled with worry for both of his brothers – one hurt and the other one crazy. “Luffy promise me that this time you will listen to me and do what I’ve told you.” He pleaded as he stood up and grabbed Luffy by his hand, running with him downstairs.

Sitting Luffy on the stairs at the front porch, Sabo was ready to run after Ace when Luffy grabbed his hand and stopped him.

“Is Ace going to be in a big trouble because of me?” His brown eyes were filled with worry and guilt.

“Luffy, you are not the one to blame, okay?” Sabo was fast to reassure his little brother that this wasn't his fault even if he still didn't know what cause the stabbing, he knew that picking on twelve years old in such way is unforgivable. Especially if the twelve years old happened to be his little brother. “Ace is doing what every big brother would do in this situation and so do I, we won’t get in trouble, I promise you.” He gave a small smile to his kid brother and ruffled his messy black hair before he ran off.

Ace knew where to find Teach, so he wasted no time running to one of the old outdoor basketball courts close to their neighbourhood. Teach could pick on him as much as he wanted, but not Luffy. Especially in such way, he could have taken his eye off or worst kill him, and for what? Only to angered Ace?

By the time Ace reached the court he was all covered in sweat. Seeing some of Teach’s friends there he yelled his name. The moment his friends heard Ace’s furious scream, they started to run but Ace was fast to catch one of them by the collar of his shirt.

“You better tell me where your piece of shit friend is or you gonna get all the beating for him.” Ace hissed in his face.

“He... he ran a-away s-somewhere m-man. W-we haven’t seen h-him since.” The guy’s voice trembled with fear, but Ace wasn’t buying it, so he just punched the guy’s stomach making him writhed in pain.

“Think again. Where is Teach?” Ace pushed the boy’s body on the ground and was ready to kick him when the guy put his hands out to stop Ace from colliding his foot with his stomach.

“I-I swear m-man. H-he ran off. H-he probably is ether at home or y-you know his uncles g-garage spot?” The guy waited for Ace’s response. Ace thought for a second before nodding, he knew where the place was. “H-he must be there, a-as y-you know h-his uncle i-is into s-shady things so he must have gone there to hide.”

Crouching next to the guy on the ground, Ace grabbed his hair in a fist and pulled it.

“Listen carefully now.” He started with a low warning tone. “If I go there, and he isn’t there as you’ve said, I’ll come back and you will need to pick up every single tooth you have off the ground, am I clear?”

“I swear, Ace he is either there or at home.” The guy cried out.

Ace let go of him and stood up. All he could see and hear was red. Marchall D Teach was going to pay for almost blinding his little brother. He could mess up with Ace as much as wanted but today he crossed all lines, and he was going to learn his lesson for that.

Despite his appearance, Ace was quite strong for his age. His skinny and tall body was durable to fights, but he could say that it was thanks to the fact that he grew up on the streets, after all the area where the brothers came from was know as the worst possible place to live in Grand Line.

Leaving the basketball court, he heard a well familiar voice calling out his name. Not turning back as he knew that Sabo would catch up to him, Ace continued walking. He felt Sabo’s hand on his shoulder as he held him back for a second, while he tried to catch his breath.

“Ace, wait.” Sabo said in between breaths. “We must come with a plan or something or even better just call the police.” He wanted and tried to reason his brother.

“The plan is we find him, I kill ‘im, and then we continue with our lives.” Ace jerked his shoulder from Sabo’s hand and continued walking.

“Ace be rational for just a second.” Sabo screamed at his brother as he pulled his blond locks. “I’m as mad as you are, but this will lead only to more problems.” Ace continued to ignore him, which only fuelled Sabo’s irritation with his own brother. “Listen to me when I talk to you, you bullhead.” Sabo stood in front of him and placed his hands on Ace’s chest to stop him from taking any step further. “Let’s call the police, for this he can even go to prison as he is of legal age.”

“He hurt Luffy.” Ace screamed in his brother’s face. “And he is going to pay for it. Now you either move away or I’m going to beat your ass as well.” He pushed Sabo away, hard enough to almost making him trip.

“I’m trying to safe your ass from making a big mistake.” Sabo screamed after Ace.

“I’m doing what is right.” Ace spatted without even turning to look at him, all he could wanted was a revenge. With a sigh, Sabo ran after him one more time. If Ace was going to get in trouble he wasn’t going to do it alone. He understood his brother’s reasons, and even if he didn’t agree with them and how he wanted to handle it, Sabo wasn’t going to let him do it alone, after all Luffy wasn’t only Ace’s little brother, he was his as well and as such they must revenge the harm that was caused upon Luffy. Mess with them, but not with their little brother.

“Are you sure he is here?” Sabo turned to Ace as they were now standing in front of the old garage where Teach’s uncle clamed to repair cars in it, but it was well known that this was a lie and he was hiding some shady business behind the whole ‘car repairing’ thing.  

“Should be.” Ace replied as he nodded his head towards the garage, indicating to Sabo to follow him.

“So again, you have any other plan than beating him?”

“Ye, beating him to death.”

“Your heart is too pure for this Ace.” Sabo knew his brother very well, no matter how much Ace wanted to be seen and perceived as the ‘bad boy’, the ‘nonchalant’, ‘not giving a single fuck’ guy he was neither of these things. His brother was too good for this world, but the world wasn’t so nice to him. Ace has carried the most of their family’s burden and Sabo didn’t want him to add another one to the list.

Ignoring Sabo’s words Ace was the first one to approach the big old garage which was wide opened and inside were some older men in their late forties. Teach’s uncle was the first one to notice the approaching boys.

 “Dadan’s boys, what brings me the privilege to be honoured by your visit?” The nasty smile on his fat and oily face bloomed on his lips as he eyed the two young boys. It was clear from where his nephew was coping the nasty manners.

“Where is Teach?” Ace wasted no time but getting to the point.

“I don’t know.” His uncle brazenly laughed causing the other three men to do the same. “Why you need him, Gol’s boy?” It was a well-known fact around this area whose Ace’s biological father was and how much he denied him as such.

“I’m Portgas.” The young boy corrected him as his dark brown eyes pierced the arrogant man’s ones.

“Ha, you heard that boys? The brat is Portgas.” His loud and nasty laughter filled up the space around as everyone started to laugh at the boy’s statement. “You know, your mother Rouge used to be one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen... it’s sad she died so young.” The man sarcastically clicked with his tongue.

This was the name you should never mention in front of Ace with such dishonour, especially if you were a nasty disgusting man like Teach’s uncle. Just before Ace could say anything, Sabo interrupted.

“We really need to speak with Teach.” He held on his brother’s shoulder and tried to keep his behaviour unsuspicious.

“I don’t know where he is blondie, probably home or somewhere out in the streets, I don’t care much where the brat goes, so now take your bastard brother and get the fuck out of my shop.” The man spatted at the brothers as he wasn’t a fan of their family nor them.

“Who are you calling bastard, you ugly pig.” Ace yelled at him, but Sabo was fast to hold on him and stop the fight that was about to erupt.

“Ace, come on.” Sabo called out his brother. “This sad fuck isn’t worth it, let’s go find Teach.” He literally needed to drag Ace out as the uncle continued to pour oil into the fire.

“Mention my mother’s name one more time and I will kill you.” Ace screamed after him only to be met with another round of brazenly laughter. Taking him into one of the alleys near by Sabo tired to calm his brother. “Let me go Sabo, I will kill this pig and his nephew as well.” Ace tried to fight his brother’s strong hold, but the blonde boy held him in one place with all his power.

“Ace, I understand your rage, but this sad low life isn’t worth it, now let’s go back to search for Teach, just calm down.” Sabo tried to reason him for a thousand time today.

Buring his fingers in his dark locks, Ace pulled his hair by the roots and screamed with frustration.

“Fine, fine.” He yelled in Sabo’s face. “Let me go before I lose it completely.” Sabo took a step back, while Ace tried to calm himself a bit. “I’m sure he is there.” Ace said after a few deep breaths.

“Should we wait a bit here?” Sabo had a similar feeling to Ace’s, the uncle had to knew at least that his nephew was hiding from them. Ace just nodded in response.

A few hours passed by and the sun started to settle, the twilight has taken over the sky and if it wasn’t for what had happened earlier today, maybe it would have caught the brothers’ attention and they would have admired it, but not today. Sabo had received a message from his friend Koala that she has taken care of Luffy and that the wound was stitched, and their little brother would be okay. Hearing the news about it, Ace only nodded not moving his eyes from the garage. He was a hundred percent sure that Teach was there hiding and won’t leave until it was dark.

And he wasn’t wrong. Soon Teach’s uncle left with his friends, but he didn’t close the garage, everything inside was still lit on and the door wasn’t closed. Which meant only one thing – there was someone inside.

“Let’s check out who is left in the garage.” Ace said to his brother and they both quietly and cautiously made their way to it.

Walking inside they started to look around carefully. They reached the end of it when they heard some bucket falling at the entrance. Turning their heads towards the direction where the sound came from, they saw the person who they were looking for trying to escape.

“Oh, you are dead.” Ace murmured to himself and started running after Teach, closely followed by his brother.

Both boys were in advantage catching up Teach as his clumsy and fat body couldn’t outrun the two brothers. Caging him in the same alley they waited until now, Teach had nowhere to run as it was a dead end one.

“Care to explain why my little brother came with a stab wound under his eye today?” With slow steady steps Ace was getting closer and closer to Teach’s trembling from fear body. He was aware that today he fucked up a lot by stabbing the kid, but it was an accident, he just wanted to scare him off, but the brat moved while he had him on a chokehold and in his attempted to calm him down, he accidently pressed the knife in his face too hard. He shouldn’t have even held up a knife to a twelve years old but he did it for the jokes of it and now he is about to pay the price for it.

“Now, now Ace it was just for the joke of it.” He said with a chuckle which only fuelled Ace’s anger.

“For the joke? You could have killed him!” Sabo yelled at him as he got face to face with him and grabbed him by his white shirt collar. “You fucking pig.” He screamed in his face and punched it.

Ace was fast to get in between his brother and Teach as he didn’t want him to get in trouble and this was something that was between him and the low life who was now on the ground.

“Let me punch him one more time Ace.” It was funny and strange who fast their rolls change as now it was Ace who tried to calm Sabo not the other way around.

“Fuck you, Sabo.” Teach spatted as he tried to stand up, but he has no luck as Ace was fast to kick him in the face. Blood started to run from Teach’s mouth as Ace’s foot collied with his chin. Without wasting time, the two brothers jumped on him. They knew that it wasn’t a fair fight, two against one, but Teach wasn’t playing fair as well earlier as he pulled a knife on a child and now he was going to pay.

Sabo was the first one to pull away, while Ace was lost, he couldn’t see or hear anything, all he could think about was his little brother’s face covered in blood, and for what – for a joke? Well, here was the joke now, the biggest joke of them all laying under him almost unconscious. Coming to his senses Sabo tried to pull Ace away.

“Ace. Ace, come on this is enough.” He yelled at his brother as he tried to pull him away. Teach’s whole face was covered in blood and swollen from the brothers’ fists as he was choking on his own blood. With all his power Sabo pulled Ace away from Teach’s body but the moment Ace was back on his feet he decided to do one more thing before they leave. With all his power Ace stepped on Teach’s right knee which cause it to break. An agonizing scream left Teach’s mouth as his whole body twitched from pain. Sabo’s eyes widen from the scene in front of him. “What the fuck Ace?” Sabo screamed at his brother as he jerked Ace by the hand to look at him. “Ace what the fuck man? You know how much trouble we will get in for this now?” But Sabo’s screams were worthless as his brother didn’t care and as of right now, he couldn’t think straight.

Without saying anything Ace just pulled his arm away from Sabo’s and started walking away. Not knowing what to do and now scared for Teach’s life, Sabo called an ambulance for him, only giving Teach’s location and lying that he found him on the street by chance. After he made sure that the asshole was going to get help and not die, he ran after Ace.

“Ace you idiot. Now we are going to be in a big trouble.” Sabo pushed his brother on the back once he caught up with him, making Ace almost trip. Turning to him Ace pushed Sabo back.

“I will get in trouble, okay. You will be fine.” Ace said as he turned once again and continued making his way home.

“Did you really need to go that far?” Sabo asked, his heartbeat increased as he tried to calm himself down, but it was pointless, they were going to be sent to juvenilefor this.

“Luffy is going to have a scar on his face for the rest of his life, it was only fair for me to give this fat fuck one as well.” Ace responded calmly as in his mind this was a fair exchange.

“Ace we can get sued for this or worst send to juvenile.”

“I can get sued or sent to juvenile not you, so calm the fuck down before I smash your face, too.” Ace’s tone was stern and warning, he would take all the blame for it if Teach decided to speak to the police. “Also, we don’t know if he will speak to the police.” He shrugged.

“He will, Ace. He will and then we will be in trouble.”

“For fuck’s sake, how many times I need to say that I’ll take the blame and you and your perfect record will be fine.” Ace turned around and screamed in Sabo’s face.

“That is the problem, why you should take all the blame?” Sabo screamed back.

“Because I’m the shitty one of all of us three, okay? So, if one of us must go down it would be me, not you, not Luffy – it will be me.” Ace was screaming on top of his lungs with anger and frustration as this was something his brother would never get. Ace was the cursed one, not they. His whole face has gotten redden from all the screaming and frustration build up in him and Sabo was only adding more fuel to it.

“Why Ace? Why?” Sabo’s voice broke mid sentence. It has always pained him how his brother viewed himself as some monster as some low life who didn’t deserve to be alive in a first place let alone to deserve good things in life. “Why it has to be always you taking the blame for us?” He didn’t receive any answer to his question.

“Let’s just go home.” Was all that Ace said.

Entering the house and stepping into the hallway they heard voices filling up the living room and Luffy’s voice calling their names. Looking down on their bloody knuckles both guys made their way upstairs to clean their hands. It took some time for the blood to wash away but it did eventually. Sabo was the first one to go downstairs while Ace closed the door behind him and locked himself in the bathroom. He set his palms down on the sink with his head hanged low. There was still some blood from earlier on the floor and all of this for what... a joke?

The realisation of what had happened today and what Ace has done hit him like a truck. Taking deep breaths and trying to calm himself down he started to curse under his breath. He was going to be in serious trouble, one where he wasn’t sure how he would be able to come out of.

“Good for nothing as aways.” He murmured to himself before he left the bathroom.

Walking into the living room Ace was faced with everyone – Dogara and Magra sitting together on one of the old armchairs they had which was quite big and on the couch were siting Dadan, Luffy and Koala, Sabo’s best friend and big crush, which he hasn’t confessed yet. Seeing Ace, Luffy jumped from the couch and ran to him, locking his arms around him in a hug.

“Are you better now, Lu?” Ace softly asked his brother as he ruffled his hair. Looking at Sabo and then to Dadan, Ace could tell that she already knew what they have done, and his gut was telling him that she didn’t know from Sabo, she knew from somewhere else. Getting up from the couch Dadan nodded with her head for him and Sabo to follow her in the kitchen to speak in private. Pulling away from Luffy, Ace promised him that he would be back in a second but first he must speak with their foster mother for a second, so he sent his little brother back to Koala on the couch.

Walking into the kitchen where Dadan and Sabo were already, Ace stood next to his blonde brother. Dadan’s eyes were in a tin line as she had crossed her arms across her chest, in her eyes could be read a lot of emotions – from anger, to sadness, to disappointment.

“You two realise what you have done, right?” She finally spoke up. “Why didn’t you call me immediately or the police?” None of the boys said anything at first. “Answer me!” She screamed at them.

“Because what he did needed to be revenged.” Ace hissed at her, his eyes filled with anger once again. “And don’t scream at Sabo, it was all my fa-” What happened next has never happened before in this house. Dadan was many things, but she has never raised her hand to her children, until today. The smack across Ace’s cheek echoed in the kitchen as his head even turned to the side from the impact of her hand.

“You foolish boy. You never listen, you never think before you do something.” Her voice was filled with anger and pain. Her eyes, something that none of the brothers have seen before were filled with tears. “You really are your father’s son. Aways searching for fights and problems, you took nothing from her, nothing. My sister died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.” These words cut like a knife Ace’s heart. Looking up at Dadan and meeting her eyes, same colour as his mother’s made him swallow hard the words he heard and the pain they caused him. “You wanna know how your mother died exactly? She died screaming and begging the doctors to save you over her and till this day I swear that was her biggest mistake.” Tears stared to run down on her tired face as she spoke the words with bitterness and pain over the memory of her dead sister. Ace took a step back as he realised how much he had messed up today and how much this would affect their so-called family.

“Dadan, stop talking to him like this!” Sabo couldn’t stand and listen to such nonsense. He could see that their foster mother was pissed, and she was right that they had fucked up badly, but Ace didn’t deserve this treatment, after all it wasn’t only him who fucked up.

“Shut up Sabo!” She screamed without even looking at him. “Having that piece of shit’s uncle calling me and telling me that we will be sued for money we don’t have because you two decided to beat the shit out of his nephew was my final straw with you, and especially you Ace.” She pointed her finger at him, her whole hand trembling from the frustration. “Why couldn’t you call the police? It was going to be his nephew to be taken away not mine good for nothing one. But no, you had to play it bad boy don’t you, brat?” She yelled once again in his face, but Ace didn’t say a word.

His eyes were fixed on the floor, mind clouded with thoughts. ‘She died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.’ The words were on repeat like a broken tape recorder. He didn’t kill his mom, he would never. He didn’t even ask to be born, why it was his fault that two people sixteen years ago decided to make a child together and it just happened to be him.

“Look at me and listen carefully when I’m talking to you, Ace!” Dadan grabbed his shoulders and shook him. With a clenched jaw and redden eyes Ace locked his focus on hers. “The moment the police come, you will go out now and turn yourself in and you won’t mentioned that Sabo was there with you, am I clear?” She took a step closer to him and Ace only nodded. Hearing this Sabo tried to fight Dadan over it, but she called for Dogora and Magra to take Sabo away as she wanted to be left alone with only Ace. Sabo’s attempts to fight Magra, who was extremely strong, were pointless as he easily lifted the boy and took him upstairs, locking him in his room.  Once they were left alone Dadan turned to Ace again. “Why Ace? Tell me, why are you the way you are?” Instead of answering Ace just asked her a very simple question.

“Why you hate me so much?” His voice was quiet. Ace was tired. He was tired of screaming, tired of fighting. He just wanted to know, why the only blood related person he knew and had in his life hated him so much.

“I don’t hate you Ace.” Dadan took a step back as she turned around walking to the dining table and pulling one of the chairs to sit on it. She placed her elbow on the table and started massaging her temple with her fingers. “I don’t hate you, but you are so hard to love. I pity the woman who will end up with you one day. Poor girl, with a man like you she will probably end up the same way my sister did, six feet under the ground.” She looked at the boy standing in front of her in the middle of the kitchen and her heart broke. She knew she has failed to raise him properly and mostly it was her fault, but blood couldn’t turn into water – at the end of the day he had one of the most wanted criminals’ blood running in his veins, the kid was doomed from the start. Looking at Ace all she could see was Roger, even if he has taken after his mother’s beauty and freckle skin, there was only range and madness in his soul, something that Rouge never possessed, this was all Roger or she wanted to believe that it was all him as she never really got to meet or know him. Her sister aways kept her away from her personal life, but still Dadan loved her regardless. “If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too. Try to push her away or something, as much as it pains me to say this... your father’s blood line must end up with you. Whoever ends up with you will suffer.”

Since that night these words never left his mind, they were tattooed, engraved in his brain. What Dadan has said to him was cruel and she regrated it the moment she saw her nephew being taken away by the police. This child who has full of love and life, and she could see it that he had so much of it in himself but never learned how to express it because Dadan herself never showed him how to, would now forever lock himself from the outside world. Because of that night and those words Ace sat his mind on one thing – he would never fall in love and if he did, he would do anything in his power to make the girl who would steal his heart hate him, hate him so much that she would never want to be near him or even hear his name would make her feel disgust. Maybe after all he was meant to be lonely in this world. Because who would love a cursed boy like him?

Seeing (Y/N) jumping out of the car the moment he stopped it in front of her building made his heart ache. He didn’t want to hurt her, let alone make her cry. It took him all his willpower to not run after her and just wrap her in his arms and kiss her. But he couldn’t do this. The moment she put her hand on the back of his neck and ran her fingers in his messy locks while Big Jet Plaine was playing on the background felt like he was hit with thousands of kilowatts of electricity. It was like the Earth stopped spinning and that he was levitating for a moment – all of this by a simple touch by her. And because of it the words which his aunt has told him almost ten years ago echoed in his mind “Whoever ends up with you will suffer and end up like you mom, six feet under.” Ace didn’t want her to suffer because of him, but he couldn’t bring himself to explain to her why they were better of like friends, even if this was becoming such a cliche.

Speeding through the empty streets at this late hour of the night it didn’t take him long to get back to his place. Ace was mad. Mad at himself and the world, but not at (Y/N). Walking to his apartment and locking the door behind himself he threw the keys on the side not even paying attention that they dropped on the floor. Kicking his shoes on the side he made his way to the living room and sat down on the couch. Inhaling and exhaling deep he laid down and looked at the ceiling. His mind was running wild once again. He messed up big time with her this tonight like never before. He made her cry which pained him the most of it all.

“Fuck.” He cursed under his nose as he ran his hands through his hair and pulled it. “How you’re fixing this now deep shit?” Hitting his jawline with his fist Ace cursed once again. He wasn’t sure if he should even try to fix it. She has a date tomorrow, maybe it was for the best that tonight turned out this way.

After all what could Ace offer her? Love? He has never experienced it himself, he didn’t even grow up loved so how could he love another person if he was never taught how it worked. But this wasn’t love, this has to be just lust and nothing else. He couldn’t be in love with her, she couldn’t be in love with him. It has to be a mutual lust, he was aware of how much she wanted to be kissed by him tonight and not only tonight, but he couldn’t allow this. There was this part of him that was afraid that if he crossed this line with her there wouldn’t be a turning back from then on. Trying to gather his thoughts he got up and went to his desk. Before he sat down, he opened one of the big windows in the room to get some cold air in, hoping that it would make him cool off a bit. Pulling his pack of cigarettes out he lit up one and dragged a long smoke from it.

It was like she had engraved herself in his mind as of recently she was always in his thoughts. And it was always the small details about her – they way she would scrunch her nose before she disagrees with something, the way she bit on her lower lip all the time or when she played with her fingers every time, she was nervous. The way that she was always shy the first few minutes when he was around her, only to relax after a few and act like they have been knowing each other for a lifetime when in fact it has been what – three, almost four months now. But the thing that was amusing him the most was the fact that she happened to understand and get him all the time, sometimes even without words, it was like she could see past his bullshits but chose to ignore it instead. But why? Did she feel something more than lust towards him?

This thought made Ace’s blood run cold. She couldn’t. She shouldn’t. She could do so much better than him, after all he was good for nothing, and she... she was everything. She had this uniqueness, this mixture of a pure heart and beautiful mind, there was something way to innocent about her that Ace was afraid if he touched it, he might destroy it. That was why he was calling her – doll, because she was perfect in any sense – perfectly craft from the outside and so beautiful from the inside. There was even a moment where Ace was afraid of developing some Madonna Whore complex for her, but with the unholy thoughts he had in mind and all of them involving her, this fear was out of the window as fast as it came.

Finishing his cigarette and putting it out in the ashtray he had on the desk, he knew that he needed something stronger than cigarettes right now. Going into the kitchen and opening one of the top drawers he picked a bottle of whiskey which was half empty. He usually didn’t have hard alcohol at home, but this one was from the last time when Luffy and Zoro had come over to play games and drink booze. Grabbing the bottle he didn’t bother with taking a glass and drank straight from it. Going back to the living room and taking a sit on the chair in front of his desk he put the bottle to the side.

He needed to cool off, to distract himself but even now, with a pen in hand and a note in front of him all he could think about was her. His eyes were reddened, but not from sadness, it was because of fatigue and despair. Massaging his temple with the tips of his finger, he reached with his left hand for the bottle again. The bitter taste of the alcohol burning down his throat, but he didn’t mind it. Putting it down, he started writing on the note.

I've been callin' you "friend," I might need to give it up

He really needed to give it up. He must give up on whatever it was between him and her before its too late. The ache in his heart came back and his whole face grimaced with pain.

“Fool... how could you let yourself fall...” He whispered to himself as he buried his head on his forearms, his body hunched over the desk. Ace didn’t want to fall in love. No, he mustn’t fall in love. ‘If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too.’ These words by his aunt had become very vivid in his memory in the past few weeks, and especially now.

Now I need your help with everything that I do I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you

He couldn’t allow himself to tell her how he felt, but he could always write her a song, or two, or hundred. Ace didn’t want to admit it to himself until now, but she had become his muse, his medicine in a way, but that was where he would draw the line.

Waking up today felt like the hardest task someone could possibly make me done. I was exhausted. From the moment I left the car till probably three or four in the morning I couldn’t stop crying. Lifting my head from the pillow, I sighed when I saw that the whole pillowcase was stained with makeup.

“I doubt this will come off.” I whispered to myself.

Reaching for my phone on the nightstand to see what time it was I saw I had some messages. None of them were from him. They were all from Dave and one from Shanks. I didn’t even manage to unlock my phone when it died as I didn’t put it to charge last night. Sitting up in the bed I looked for my charger and when I saw it, I plugged the phone and let it charge.

My whole body felt tired, no I felt tired, even thought I slept for almost ten hours. Getting up from the bed I slowly made my way to the bathroom. Seeing the state of my face in the reflection of the mirror wasn’t a big surprise for me – puffy eyes and face covered in smudged makeup and hair all over the place. A tired sighed once again left my lips. Taking off whatever was left of the makeup, brushing my teeth and cleaning my face didn’t took away the puffiness and so I decided to take a quick shower.

Stripping down from the clothes I still had on from last night I got into the shower. My body was trembling, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was an emotional mess or because today was surprisingly cold in my apartment. Adjusting the water and making it almost boiling hot I tried to relax my body. Closing my eyes and letting the water run down my body I wrapped my arms around myself. Everything from last night played vividly in my mind, from the moment he picked me up to the moment he dropped me off. I bit on my lips as I felt a new wave of tears falling from my closed eyes as I tried to stop the sob which was threatening to leave my lips. Why was he doing this to me? Was this some kind of a sick mind play? One second, he was all nice and carrying, and the next he switched to a cold uncaring person, and it was like this every time, and I had enough of this. Opening my eyes I took a deep breath in and decided to focus on something else and try my best to think of everything else but him.

Getting out of the shower and changing into more comfortable clothes I laid in my bed again. Seeing that my phone had charged a bit I unplugged it and checked all the messages I had. The one from Shanks was him asking me if I want to take some shifts at the beginning of the year to which I responded with yes and it also hit me that New Years is in two days. Then I moved to the messages from Dave. The last one of the many he had sent was ‘If you don’t want to go let me know :)’.

I felt so bad. Dave was such a nice person, especially to me, and he didn’t deserve such behaviour from me, for which I typed a quick message: ‘Sorry for the late response, I wasn’t feeling good yesterday, so I felt asleep super early and just woke up. Ofc, we are up for it. Send me the address and what time I should be there ^^’. Even though I wanted to spend the whole day buried in my bed away from everyone and everything, I had made a promise and I was going to keep it.

He responded almost immediately, and we agreed on meeting at six pm as the screening starts at seven. I couldn’t stop myself but thinking of last night and what certain someone told me – ‘Go on the date. Give the guy a chance.’ and maybe I should do this, but this wouldn’t be fair for Dave. Unlike the person who had engraved himself in my mind and hear, I could not lead someone on, not someone who I actually consider a friend and mostly someone I cared for.

Dave greeted me with a hug as aways and I tried my best to fake my smile, not because I didn’t want to see him, but because my mind was elsewhere. Seeing Dave didn’t bring any type of excitement in me even thought I wish it did. He was a very good-looking guy, and he was so nice on top of it, he was the full package, but the spark wasn’t there. But as the guy who had not just caused a spark in my heart but had caused fires in it said – give the guy a chance, so I was determined that tonight I would try to look at Dave in a different light, even if it would be the hardest thing to do due to the fact that certain someone shattered my heart not even twenty-four hours ago, despite this I would try.

“How have you been? You look tired.” Dave said as we pulled away from the hug.

“Oh, yes. I’m just pretty tired, I’m helping my uncle with his bar and yes long shift.” I took a deep breath in and then out as I chuckled. “How are you? Haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“Good, spending most of my time with family and friends.” He replied with a big smile on his face. “Um, should we get inside? We can grab something to drink before the movie starts.” He pointed with his thumb towards the cinema entrance, and I nodded. Lifting his arm slightly to me I got the hint and wrapped mine with his and we made our way inside.

We grabbed some drinks and snacks as and sat in the cinema bar chitchatting about everything and anything. It was very easy to be relaxed and calm around Dave, he was a pure sunshine, but he had to call me out all the time because I just kept zooming out.

“Dave, I’m so sorry, I promise you I listen.” I apologetically smiled at him.

“It’s okay, it’s not like I can be mad at you.” He said and his fingers gently brushed mine. But there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement.

“Of course you can.” I protested. “I have been a very bad friend to you in the past few weeks and yet you are always so nice to me.” I meant every word that I said and knowing that he had feelings, and I didn’t was killing me from the inside. I couldn’t fake something that wasn’t there in a first place. I couldn’t fake a feeling.

“Um, yes actually there is something I want to speak with you about or well more like something I have to tell you.” He gave me one of his charming smiles as his tawney skin got a slightly heated. Running a hand through his curls he was struggling with finding the right words. Panic took over me as I knew what was coming and I wasn’t ready for it and because of it I interrupted him.

“My God, look at the time, we should go. I love watching the trailers before the movie starts.” I jumped from the chair and grabbed the popcorns Dave bought. He was a little surprised by my sudden outburst but laughed it off and followed me with the rest of the things. I had three hours to gather my mind and find the best way to tell Dave that out feelings weren’t mutual, and I was praying to whatever power was out there that he was just having crush on me which hasn’t developed into something more and deep, because I didn’t want to shatter his heart the same way mine was.

“Sh, it’s okay.” Dave had his arms wrapped around me as we were still siting in our seats ten minutes after the movie finished as I was crying my eyes out. I was always a crying mess after watching ‘Interstellar’ but today was probably the hardest I have cried on this movie, but it was clear to me that the reason to cry this much wasn’t only the film. Lifting my head from his chest he cupped my face and wiped my tears away. “Come on let’s get going before they kick us out.” He laughed and I agreed with him.

It was dark and even colder outside than when we came. Dave was holding me close to him as he noticed how I was trembling from the cold.

“Please, you declined my offer to pick you up at least let me drive you back home.”

“Are you sure? You live five minutes away and I live like thirty.” I didn’t want him to waste him time with dropping me off and then getting back home. “I can get the metro.”

“No, please (Y/N), I insist.” He squeezed my shoulders like he was silently begging me to let him drive me home.

“You won’t take ‘no’ as an answer, will you?” I chuckled and he shook his head, making us both laughed in unison. Playfully rolling my eyes I nodded with my head and made him lead the way to his car.

On the way to my place, we were talking for the movie mostly but then we switched to more personal subjects like I never knew that he had a little sister and a big brother, for which I joked with him that as a middle child it did explain why he took on becoming a filmmaker and we laughed about it. Then I told him a bit about my family, and this made me realise that until now, all we have ever talked about was movies or school things which were again related to films and filmmaking. We never got to know each other on a personal level until now. Which made me sad in a way that maybe if I have had the opportunity to get to know him before I met a certain dark raven-haired man, maybe just then these feelings Dave had for me would have been mutual.

“Dave.” I said his name and took a deep breath. He was stopping the car in front of my building, and I wanted to speak up first, because in my mind it was better if I tell him that I see him as a friend only before he tells me whatever he has in mind.

“Please, before you say anything I need to tell you something.” He took my hand in his and ran his thumb over my knuckles.

“Dave, no.” I pulled my hand back and cursed myself as I knew what was coming. “Look, I... I didn’t know that you view this as a date until... until last night honestly.” I was struggling to find the right words after I saw how his whole face and mood changed. “And I didn’t want to believe what I have been told that you have crush on me, and I do hope that it’s only a crush because I swear Dave you are the last person I want to hurt.” My voice cracked at the end from seeing the way sadness took over his features. “I... I just don’t see you in this way Dave and I’m so, so sorry. If I leaded you on somehow, I’m... I’m sorry Dave, but it wasn’t on purpose, I swear.” Tears started falling from my face again. I wasn’t sure if it was because of how guilty I was feeling to not share the same feelings as his or because I knew how much it hurt to be rejected by someone you like.

Dave took a deep breath in and turned to look at me. He gave me a small smile that didn’t reach the corner of his eyes at all. Then he reached with his hand and wiped away my tears.

“I understand.” He quietly said as he took away his hand from my cheek. “It’s partly my fault, I could see it that your mind was, and I suppose is still somewhere else and... well...” He clicked with his tongue as the bitterness of the rejection was filling his heart and mind. Silence took over as neither of use dared to say something or move. “With risk to overstep my boundaries with you... is there something I could do to change your mind?”

I tilted my head on the side a bit confused by his question, but before I could response he reached with his hand once again and pulled my head closer to him. His lips gently crashed on mine... but there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement. My skin didn’t get any goosebumps, my heart wasn’t set on fire, my mind was somewhere else... my mind was on somebody else. I tried to return the kiss, but it was pointless, and Dave felt it too. Breaking the kiss, he just gently caressed my cheek and then let go of it.

“You didn’t feel anything, did you?” His voice was quiet, and I could sense the pain behind it.

“I’m sorry, Dave.” I whispered.

“And so am I.” He whispered back and then cleared his throat. “But hey, cheer up. I still want to be your friend, and I will be if you want me to.” He gave me a sincere smile one that reached the corner of his eyes as usual.

“Oh, Dave.” I said as I wrapped my arms around him in a very tight hug. “I want to and I love having you around, but I know how much it would hurt you and I don’t want this for you.” My head was buried in the crook of his neck. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

The past two days have exhausted me so much emotionally – first Ace, then Dave. It was like my life has turned into some soap opera, the kind of series I hated the most and on top of it I was the main character. At the same time there was something ironic and comedic in the whole situation – while I was rejected by a certain someone in a very unspoken way, I kind of did the same thing to somebody else, for which I guess was my own karma.

Since I woke up in the morning today my head was killing me as I haven’t stopped crying. Everything in the past two days was too much for me to take. The worst part was that I was left in the dark. Since last night so many questions have arisen in me – did Ace really didn’t feel anything for me? Did he only saw me as a friend? And if he did – why the pet names? Why the small gestures? Why have we had so many intimate moments which all of them almost ended with a kiss? I might be very bad with getting hints, but I doubt that ‘regular’ friends or even ‘best’ friends have had such shared moments.

The questions were too many and yet the answers couldn’t be found. I was mad at him. I was hurt by him. I wanted to confront him so bad, yet knowing myself, I knew that I would crack the moment I face his deep brown eyes that I have fallen in love with. I knew that the moment I see him again and he calls me doll or whatever he comes up with, no matter how much pain and distress he has caused me I would be willing to forgive him. Which led me in this situation in a first place. He had turned himself into a soft spot for me which led to all of this happening, because he knew, he was fully aware that I was ready to forgive him easily the moment he sweettalked me again. But not this time.

“Fuck.” I cursed. This wasn’t the first time I have had promised myself this, I was like a broken record, repeating the same thing and then do the exact same thing over and over again. I was like a broken record. “Fucking Ace.” I cried into my pillow.

As I was lost in thoughts my phone vibrates, indicating that I have received a message. I grabbed the phone and saw that it was a message from Luffy - ‘Wanna go for a walk later?’. That took me by surprise. I haven’t seen him since the beginning of the month when we went to the club together. But it didn’t matter, I wasn’t in a mood to go out today at all. I needed a day by myself – isolated from anyone and anything. I quickly responded to him that I wasn’t feeling very well so we should leave it for some other day, but he wasn’t having it. He started spamming me with messages until I agreed, but I told him that it would be after seven pm as I didn’t want to go out now while it was still some sunlight outside. ‘YES, see u around 8pm then – I’ll wait for u outside ur place :D’ was the last message he sent me.

It was almost eight pm when I got up from bed and dressed myself in some leggings and a hoodie, I didn’t bother putting a makeup or fixing my hair, even though I looked like a mess with puffy eyes and dark cercles under them, after all we were going to just take a walk in the park near by. I put my jacket and boots on and went out as I received a message from Luffy that he was downstairs.

“Wow, you look like shit.” Was the first thing he said to me when he saw me exciting the building. “No, sorry (Y/N), I meant it like – are you okay?” He came closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in a tight hug. I swallowed hard before I replied that I was fine.

“Come on you blew my phone off to go for a walk, let’s get going.” I tried to fake a smile when we pulled apart.

We slowly made our way to the park. Luffy was babbling for anything and everything and I tried to focus on the conversation, but it was very hard. My mind was nowhere and everywhere at the same time. I wanted to be present here and now, but it was an impossible task.

The park was almost empty as it was quite chill outside, the only passing by people were the one who had their dogs out for a walk or the one who were doing their evening jogging. Despite that it was dark already and something in the night air felt super heavy. I wasn’t sure if it was from the headache I had from all the crying in the past few days, but it felt like I had a bad lucid dream. Everything was like in a slow mode and my mind was just not present.

“(Y/N), hey (Y/N).” Luffy waved with his hand in front of my face. I shook my head as I realised, he had been calling my name and looked at him.

“I’m sorry Luffy. What were you saying?”

“Wanna sit for a moment. You don’t look good, have you eaten today?” He nodded with his head towards one of the benches in the park and wrapped his arm around my shoulder leading me there to sit.

“Yes, I did.” I lied. “I’m fine Luffy, just tired that is all.” I gave him a small sincere smile as we sat down on the bench. Luffy took a deep breath in and exhaled as he propped his elbows on his legs and looked at me from over his shoulder.

“You are not fine, you don’t need to lie to me.” He looked me in the eyes and shook his head. “And I’m sure this has something to do with my brother.”

“Wha-... why are you... like no, it has nothing to do with your brother.” I tried to brush it off, but Luffy just clicked with his tongue.

“I might be not as bright or smart like them and I know that I’m usually super goofy and even childish at times, but I’m not stupid, (Y/N).” He winked at me as he straitened his posture and chuckled. “Ace made me check up on you.” My eyes shoot wide open when he said this.

“What?” I wasn’t sure that I heard him right.

“Ace texted me today to check up on you but didn’t give me any explanation why for but judging by the state you are right now...” Luffy took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I know that something is obviously going on between you two and knowing my brother... he is fucking it up big time.” He took my cold hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “But he does care about you a lot, otherwise he wouldn’t have made me check up on you.” Hearing this I couldn’t help but laughed out loud.

“If he cared so much about me, he would have come himself not sent you.” I could feel the tears treating to fall from my eyes again.

“I guess you are right, but Ace... well, Ace is Ace, and he does care believe it or not, but I know my brother and h-” I didn’t let Luffy finish his sentence as I interrupted.

“Luffy.” I took a deep breath before I continue because I was on the verge of a break down. “You know your brother as your brother and not as... as... God I can’t even find the words to describe what your brother is to me.” I pulled my hand from Luffy’s and buried my fingers in my hair pulling it a bit as I was losing my mind.

 “(Y/N) please calm down.” Luffy’s deep brown eyes so similar to the ones I fell in love with and filled up with worry. “God, I shouldn’t have told you this at all. Ace is going to kill me.”

“Oh, so I wasn’t supposed to know that he sent you?” I snorted out a bitter laugher. This whole situation was getting ridiculous. Before Luffy had the chance to answer I got up from the bench and started walking fast towards the metro station. Luffy immediately got up and followed me, calling me to stop.

“Please (Y/N) wait.” Luffy caught up to me and made me stop by grabbing my arm. “Calm down first and where are you going? Your place is in the other direction.” He gave me a confused look.

“To your brother’s place.” I replied and jerked my arm from his as I started walking fast again.

“You don’t even know if he is home or not.” Luffy screamed after me which made me turned around and look at him.

“Is you brother home Luffy?” My patience was wearing thin.

“I actually don’t know.” He wasn’t lying I could see that he didn’t.

“Well then I plan to find this out.”

I'm sick, and I'm tired too I can admit, I am not fireproof

Ace was hunched over his desk with his head propped on his palms. The headache he has had in the past two day was killing him, but he didn’t plan to do anything to fix it. The floor around him was covered with crumpled or torn apart paper. He couldn’t get her out of his mind, not like she has left it ever since they cross paths for a first time but in the two past days it was different.

Fallin' again I need a pick-me-up

His last two days were like hell – all he did was stay at home and smoke away his brain. His bandmates had blown his phone with messages and calls, but he only bothered to text Deuce back and let him know that he wasn’t going to rehearse with them this week. Which caused another wave of messages from mostly his brother Sabo, but Ace just ignored him. Still, he had opened the message app so many times as he has typed so many messages to only one person, just to delete them before pressing send. Ace knew that he fucked up badly with her and he was torn apart between trying to fix things or just let it be. His mind was telling him to just let go and not bother her ever again, but his heart... his heart wanted nothing else but her.

Guilty was eating him alive. What was he thinking when he took her out? Why did he take her out in a first place? Even though he didn’t want to admit it to himself, Ace did it because he was jealous. Hearing that this guy, David or Dave whatever his name was, was planning to take her out and confess his feelings for her struck a never in him, that was why he acted spontaneously the moment he saw his friend Yamato’s story on Instagram. Which now he realised it was a big mistake. He shouldn’t have done this. Ace didn’t think it through back then but by any means that “hang out” two nights ago was a date by all definitions. And now he was suffering and made her suffer the consequences of his jealousy and indecision. Indecision because he couldn’t let himself have her but also the thought of another guy having her was killing him. How was he supposed to let her go and move on with his life when she had him on such chokehold?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Ace cursed loudly as he hit his jawline with his fist. Hitting himself wasn’t enough of a punishment for making her cry, for hurting her.

Earlier today he had texted his younger brother to check on her as he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He was aware that she was mad and probably hurt by him, but he wanted at least to know if she was okay and taking care of herself, but he was also curious – did she go to the date with that guy? And if she did, did she enjoy it? Did she enjoy it more than any of the times she had spent with Ace? All these questions were circulating in his mind, and he hoped that Luffy won’t fuck it up and get them out of her, but he wasn’t aware of the date so the only thing Ace would find out was if she was still sad or not.

I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you I hope I don't murder me, I hope I don't burden you

Luffy had texted him an hour ago that he was waiting for her outside her apartment building to go for a walk and apparently it took him a long time to convince her in a first place to even go out.

“You better not fuck this up Luffy.” Ace murmured as he knew how bad his brother was with keeping his mouth shut sometimes but he was his only option right now. For a first time ever in his life Ace felt like a coward. He didn’t have the courage to face (Y/N), because what was he going to tell her – “hey I’m kind of in love with you, but also can’t be with you for your own good, so we still can be friends, right?” Friend? Even he couldn’t buy this lie anymore. They were never friends to begin with, but calling each other such was the only option, which now was out of the window.

It has started to rain outside and the streets were dark and foggy. Ace was standing next to the window as he was smoking probably his fifteenth cigarette if the day. The cold air coming from outside was blazing his skin as he had only a pair of grey sweatpants hanged on his hips. The circles under his eyes were dark, even as a person with narcolepsy he had barely slept these days. He was impatiently waiting for a text from his brother to know how their walk went and most importantly how was (Y/N). Closing his eyes shut he leaned his head on his arm which was propped on the window as he took one last drag of his cigarette before he threw it out. Just as he threw the cigarette his phone buzzed, it was a message from Luffy – ‘Don’t kill me, but I fucked up…’

Swim with me I think I can see the beach I know what's underneath I need you here with me but we're out in the open

Ace was about to throw his phone angrily across the room when he heard his doorbell ring followed with a loud bang on it and froze on the spot. This better not be who he thought it might be. Another determined knock and ring followed which made him shake his head and head to the door. Opening the door he didn’t have time to react or say anything as he was met with a slap across his face. ‘I deserve this.’ He thought to himself as he could recognise the softness of these fingers without even looking at the person in front of him.

“You fucking asshole.” You yelled in his face. He was standing by the door with his head a bit to the side as you have slapped it. Slapping him across the face was something you didn’t want to do but the moment he stood up in front of you just couldn’t control yourself. He just opened the door wilder and pulled you in before closing it. Then he finally dared to look at you.

There you were. Standing in front of him, soaking wet from the rain with your hair messed up from it and eyes red and puffy. Your whole body was trembling from the cold, but also from all the emotions bubbling inside of you. You looked like a mess.

“What are you doing here, doll?” His voice was quite and very raspy as he hasn’t spoken in days, in fact he hasn’t, the only words that have left his lips was when he was cursing himself out.

“Don’t you dare calling me this ever again.” Your voice was full of rage and pain, and it hurt him to hear it like this. It was always like a sweet melody to listen to it, but now hearing you for a first time ever like this, it made his heart aches mostly because he was the reason why you were in such state. Instead of saying something Ace just turned his back at you and walked away as he couldn’t bring himself to face you. “Don’t walk away you coward.” You called after him as you followed not even bothering to take your boots off as you entered his living room.

If I meet you in the middle, maybe we could agree You make me feel little how you're looking at me

He was a coward and you had all the rights to call him such. Standing in the middle of the living room with his back facing you he couldn’t bring himself to turn around, not when you were looking at him like this. You had never looked at him with so much rage and mostly disappointment. But he deserved it.

“Look at me, Ace.” You said to him as he was just adding to your rage when he was refusing to face at you. “Stop ignoring me and look at me when I’m talking to you.” Your heart was tearing apart, even now when you were standing in front of him, you had to beg for his attention which was only adding to his disrespect towards you. You grabbed his hand trying to make him turn around only for him to yanked it away from you. “You will not make a joke out of me again.”

Feeling your fingers on the bare skin on his hand made his whole-body burn, but hearing your words was like a stab in his heart which made him turn around immediately and finally face you.

His eyes were as tired as yours. Now when he was finally facing you, you were able to take better look at him. You have never seen Ace in such state, he looked defeated and lost at the same time, there was no trace left of the usual cocky playfully and confident man you knew, this… this wasn’t the Ace you were used to see and this caught you by surprise.

If I told you that I loved you Tell me, what would you say?

“I have never ever made a joke out of you nor disrespected you, doll.” A little spark of anger crossed his eyes as he slowly said this with a very stern tone. How could you say this? How could you even think of such thing? Him disrespecting you? Making fun out if you? He would never do such thing to you, not you of all people.

“Oh, you have never done such thing?” You laughed in his face as you took a step back as you needed some space from him to breathe. “You, of all people, have done the biggest fool out of me by your actions Ace.” Your voice was raised loudly again. “Sending your brother to check up on me? Are you fucking kidding me? And, and you- ” you pointed out your finger at him. “You dared to send him, to check on me because you are so, so worried about me that you don’t fucking bother to be man enough and do it yourself?” You have never screamed at a person before, but there was aways a first time.

Ace was just standing in front of you. You were right, he wasn’t a man enough to check up on you and not only this he wasn’t a man enough to even tell you why he couldn’t. He wasn’t man enough to just say fuck it and grab you in his arms and tell you to calm down and just kiss your pain away. Maybe after all he wasn’t as grown up as he thought he was. Maybe after all he was still a lost child who had no idea how to deal with love, let alone how to show or voice it. Instead, he just stood there frozen if front of you while his mind and heart were going crazy. His heart was screaming, no it was begging him to just pour out itself to you, yet his mind was telling him that the best thing he should do was to break whatever you two had between each other and move on. But how could he do this? Which was the right thing to do?

“Say something you fucking coward.” You cried out. Tears started running down your cheeks. You couldn’t hold them anymore, it was too much and with him just standing there not saying anything, felt like someone was burning you alive.

Hearing your cry, Ace finally looked you in the eyes. It took all his willpower to not reached with his hand to wipe away the tears falling from your them. The tears that he caused. Because he knew that if he did this, he would break his act, and he couldn’t afford to do this. Swallowing hard he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“Look, doll I-”

“Don’t call me that.” You hissed at him.

“(Y/N).” He took a breath in as he ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m fucking sorry if I made you feel this way, but do-” Ace stopped himself as he was about to call you ‘doll’ again. But that was the thing – you were his doll, because in his eyes there were no flaws in you just like porcelain dolls, which were so perfectly crafted, yet one rough touch and they might break, for which he was afraid that he would break you if he dared to bare his soul and heart for you because his hands weren’t clean and he wouldn’t dare to destroy something so perfect as you, so he must admire you from afar. “(Y/N), I’m sorry if I messed up our friendship and mostly if I made you feel this was, but I swear, I would never ever even think of doing such thing to you.”

“What friendship, Ace?” You bitterly chuckled. “Were we ever truly friends?”

He didn’t know how to respond to this question – no, he didn’t want to respond to this question, not that he didn’t know the answer to it.

“I don’t have any other ‘friend’ or should I specify a male friend that calls me ‘doll’ or even ‘baby’ from time to time. I don’t have friends who takes me out for…” You were afraid to say it out loud, but you had nothing to lose anymore tonight, you were determined - tonight was the night where all cards from your side were coming to the table. “Fuck this I’m calling it what it was, this ‘hang out’ two nights ago was a fucking date, wasn’t it?”

The moment you called it a date he looked away. It was hard enough for him when he had to admit it to himself but admitting it to you was something he wasn’t ready to do. He didn’t do dates, he didn’t go to dates until you. Actually, he haven’t done even one bit of the things he had done for you for another girl ever, but he wasn’t going to admit this to you.

“Fucking coward, you can’t even admit this.” You laughed through tears as you clicked with your tongue. “I’m done pretending, Ace.” Lifting your hands in the air and dropping them down defeatedly you took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore… no, I… I can’t be your friend. God, I never wanted to be your friend, but I tried to, I swear I tried but… but…” Tears were blurring your vision as you knew that from what you were about to say there was no coming back. “The only reason why I can’t be your friend is not because I don’t want to, but because I’m in love with you.”

If I told you that I hated you Would you go away?

These words cut though his heart like a knife. Usually when you hear that the person who you also happened to have feelings for shares them you were supposed to be happy, to be on cloud nine, weren’t you? But Ace wasn’t like most people, he was he and this alone was his biggest punishment. With what he said next, he knew that not only your, but his heart would break as well.

“Look, doll.” He started not daring to look at you. Ace had his eyes locked on the wall where the big sideboard with pictures. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong signals or made you think that there would be something more happening between us, but…” He could feel his heart breaking, he didn’t mean any of these words, but he had decided – he was going to listen to his mind and not his heart, which meant only one thing – breaking yours. “But it’s not mutual, okay?”

Tears had stopped falling from your face as you were carefully listening and observing him. His jawline was clenched and so were his fists, his whole body was tensed and you could see and clearly hear that he was struggling with his words, and most importantly… he didn’t dare to look at you while saying this.

“Then why have you done so many gestures towards me? Hell Ace, let’s not act like we haven’t almost kissed so many times.” You were going to dig deep into this. Tonight you were going to get your answers.

“Have you seen yourself, doll?” Ace chuckled sarcastically, shaking his head in disbelief as he heard your question. “I’m a guy and you are an extremely attractive girl, of course I want to fuck you, are you crazy?” He laughed out loud as he tried to hide the pain behind his words. It wasn’t like they weren’t true, but he would have never said it in such vulgar way if he didn’t try to push you away.

“You could have done it many times.” You answered with bitterness as you have never heard him speak so vulgarly with you about you, but you were honest with him. If all he ever wanted from you was a quick fuck he could have done it already and move on with his life not play friends with you.

“Could’ve, should’ve but I never did, thanks Luffy and his friends as if you haven’t been their friend I would have used you already and forget about you.” He turned away from you when he said this. He didn’t mean it and he wanted to kill himself for saying this to you. But he had to let you go.

“Use me?” You whispered in disbelief. This couldn’t be, he couldn’t have done such thing – no, the Ace that you knew wouldn’t dare to say such thing to you, he might have been an asshole, but this… this was crossing all the lines. “Is that why you were calling me doll all the time? Because you saw me as nothing more but a girl with whom you can play your twisted mind games?” You didn’t get any response as he was still facing away from you. “I don’t buy this bullshit, Ace.” Taking a few steps towards him you moved to stand in front of him and didn’t let him face you away. He was lying. He must be lying. “Say it to my face.” You were looking at him, eyes focused on his, yet for a thousand time tonight he refused to meet them.

He couldn’t bring himself to do such thing. It was hard enough to say it without looking at you, but to look at you and say such words, he could never. He just hoped that you would break up any second now and leave his place and him for good.

“I don’t believe you, Ace.” You repeated yourself. “I don’t believe that all you wanted from me was a quick fuck, especially when you had the opportunity many times.” Placing your right hand on his face you had to use a little bit of a force to make him look at you, but he finally did. You were so close to each other once again. His deep brown eyes were pierced in yours and in that moment an idea and the courage to say it out loud came to you. “Let’s make a deal, shall we?” You asked, eyes not moving from his. He didn’t reply as he was waiting for you to voice your ‘deal’. “Kiss me.” Was all you said which made him push away your hand and take a step back as he looked at you as you were out of your mind.

“What the fuck? Didn’t you just hear what I’ve told you?” He couldn’t believe that you really asked him this, off all things, everything else but this.

“Yes, I did.” You took a step closer to him again.

“Why should I kiss you? Where is the deal in this?” A puff of air left his lips in a makeshift laughter. Where were you going with this?

Rolling your shoulders back and straightening you posture you swallowed hard before you speak up again.

“It’s super simple.” You said. “You kiss me and if you feel nothing, not even the slightest but of a spark then… then I’m gone and we pretend that this has never happened… that this whole ‘friendship’ or whatever it is, was, has never happened and.. and…” You bit on your lips hard as you needed a moment before you could finish your sentence. “And we become strangers.” Saying this you looked away from him as you were afraid of what was to happen next.

Both of you stood frozen in the middle of his living room. None of you dared to move or looked at the other. Ace couldn’t bring himself to kiss you as he knew if he just tasted your lips once he wouldn’t be able to stop and he would be craving more and more of you. He licked his lower lip as he glanced at you – you looked so broken and defeated, and he was the one who had done this to you. His heart ached like never before. He had never felt such pain, but there was a first time for everything. A deep sigh left his lips as he shook his head.

“Just go home, we are done here.”

“No, Ace we are no d-”

“Yes, we are done. I don’t want you, okay. This shit is not mutual get it your pretty head.” He was grateful that you didn’t dare to look at him when he screamed at you as you had your head facing the floor. Ace didn’t want to startle nor scream at you, but he had no choice, because he could feel it in himself that if you stood a minute longer here he would break and not only kiss you but just take you in his arms and carry you to his bedroom and show you how much you mean to him.

He had never yelled or acted like this towards you which took you by surprise. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware that Ace had a dark side, but he had never showed it to you. Maybe you didn’t know him that well after all and maybe you were wrong – he might not be lying after all. Maybe he did not feel anything towards you and all you were to him was exactly a doll – something he was having fun with whenever he felt like it.

“Now fucking leave (Y/N).”

Hearing your name leaving his lips meant that he didn’t need to tell you twice. With a trembling lip and eyes full of tears once again you ran away. You opened and closed the front door of his apartment, but the loud sob that threatened to leave your lips escaped before you were able to close the door behind you. You called for the elevator and thankfully it took a few seconds to come. You couldn’t believe it. That was it. That was going to be the last time you and Ace see each other, because after tonight you couldn’t bring yourself to see him ever again. If two nights ago he shattered your heart, then tonight he just ripped it out of your chest and broke it into a million peace. Entering the elevator, you leaned on the wall of it and pressed the palm of your hand to your lips as the moment the door closed another agonised sob had left your lips.

You ran pass him without looking at him, but he did look at you and he could feel his breath leaving his lungs from the sight of your pained face. The sob that left your lips a second before you shut the front door close didn’t slip his ears. Ace could feel his own heart breaking from the pain he had caused you. This was for best. You were going to hate him now but be thankful later in life that he didn’t let you fall further. Right?

But if he was so sure that he had made the right decision then why did he found himself running down the stairs trying to make it in time to the first floor before the elevator hits it. Why did he run out of his apartment so fast and was running down the staris, skipping more than one step at times only to make sure to reach you in time. If he was so sure that he had made the right decision not even a minute ago, why was he standing in front of the elevator’s door waiting for them to open in less than a second from now?

Swim with me I think I can see the beach Just don't look underneath us I need you here with me but we're out in the open

The elevator’s door open and your breath got caught up in your lungs. What was he doing here? Didn’t he hurt you enough? Both of his hands were propped on each side of the elevator as he was trying to catch up his breath, his chest raising and falling fast with each breath while his head was hanged low. The elevator door started to close but Ace put his hand and stopped it and finally looked at you.

It was like his body was working against his will and mind, like his heart has taken control over it and he couldn’t control himself anymore. Before you could say anything as you part your lips with a questionable look written all over your face, he cut the distance between you two and you were in his arms. Pinning you against the elevator’s mirrored wall with his whole body pressed on your, he had one hand on your waist and the other one on the back of your head. You didn’t have a time to react or protest when his lips crashed into yours. At first you were frozen on the spot, shocked from this sudden turn of events, but your hands quickly found their way to his dark messy locks and you buried your fingers in them. His lips felt soft and warm on yours making you melt under his touch. The kiss was burning with passion, the way his lips had captured yours, so aggressively and desperate, yet softly and needy. With your lips parted slightly it allowed his tongue to slip inside causing a little gasp to escape them. He pulled you even closer to his body as if it was possible to get any closer than this and deepened the kiss.

He couldn’t stop. Your lips were like a drug, and he just tasted them for a first time, yet he was already addicted. All his sense everything in him screamed and begged him to pull away from you, even his lungs as they were out of air, but he couldn’t. It was so wrong, yet so right. You in his arms with your lips pressed together while your tongues were met in a burning desire of bottled-up feelings. He could taste the salty taste of your tears on your lips caused by him. You were too good for him, and he didn’t deserve you.

‘Whoever ends up with you will be cursed.’ His aunt words echoed in his mind again. This alone made him pull away and break the kiss apart. Ace opend his eyes and found you with your eyes still closed as you were left breathless with your now puffy lips. He didn’t want to let go of you. Not now, not ever. Not when he has finally done what he was dreaming of doing since that day you two had met. With one hand holding you still steady and close to him on the back of your waist like if you decide to run away, he would not let you go, he moved the one from the back of your neck to your cheek caressing it gently. The skin of your face was so soft and even in your worst state you were still flawless and breathtaking for him. He ran his thumb over your lips – tracing the shape of them and feeling the softness of them, making sure that he would remember it good as the moment you opened your eyes, he let go of you and took a step back.

“A deal is a deal.” He said as he leaned with his hands on the mirror caging you between him and the wall, but his eyes weren’t on you. Ace was looking at himself as he could speak with hatred only at himself. Swallowing hard he spoke up again. “I felt nothing, doll.” His voice was quite and raspy.

He might have not been looking at you, but you were looking at him. Why was he doing this to you? To himself? To you both? You weren’t stupid and he was obviously lying. Because his body and face didn’t match his words. He was in pain, and you could read it all over him, you didn’t need to look in his eyes to know this. But what gave away was the way he kissed you. You didn’t kiss someone with such passion, such need and desire if you didn’t feel anything for them – and Ace kissed you with all this and more. His kiss was burning with desire, not lust – desire. So why was he lying? Why was he hurting you both?

“Liar.”

END NOTE: Damn... what a roller coaster of feelings, hu? I hope you don't hate me much ♡ But this scene and this turn of events have been in my mind for a long, long time so you must understand I had to make it this way, but now as you have read about Ace's past I'm sure that you understand why he is and acts the way he does, because all he needs and wants is love, yet he is been told all his life that he isn't worthy of it... ALSO I GOT MY ELEVATOR, which I just added one sentence in chapter 5 where it says that it was out of service that first time Reader went to his place. Anyway I really do hope that despite the pain these two went through in this chapter you enjoyed reading it and as aways feel free to like, comment, reblog and message me regardless what you thought of it ♡ Thank you for reading my works once again ♡

writing, format & dividers © eand47 fanart @a_phu14 on IG ©eand47, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

[moonselune]

Hello!! Could you write one with your choice of characters and there baddie. Where tav thinks violence isn’t the answer and the bg3 characters ask“ what’s your plan then..?? To defeat them with the power of friendship….oh my gods it is….

Oooo okay so I'm going to do this for what I call the durge gang because they would have the biggest- basically the companions who stick around when you go full durge

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Minthara:

The air in the tent was thick with tension as you and Minthara sat across from each other, the remnants of a heated discussion still hanging in the space between you. You had been planning your next move against a band of marauders terrorizing a nearby village, and while Minthara had advocated for a swift and brutal attack, you had hesitated. Minthara's sharp eyes studied you, her expression a mixture of disbelief and frustration.

"You can't be serious," she said, her voice dripping with incredulity. "You honestly think we can reason with these scum? Convince them to change their ways?"

You crossed your arms, standing firm in your decision. "I believe in giving people a chance to do the right thing. Violence should always be a last resort, Minthara."

Minthara let out a harsh laugh, shaking her head. "Oh, this is rich. And what's your plan, then? To defeat them with the power of friendship?"

She paused, her eyes narrowing as realization dawned on her.

"Oh my gods, it is."

You felt your cheeks flush slightly at her words, but you held your ground. "I think we can appeal to their better nature. Maybe they’re just lost, or desperate. If we can show them there’s another way—"

Minthara cut you off with a snort, her lips curling into a smirk. "You actually think these marauders have a 'better nature' to appeal to? You’re living in a dream world if you think they’re going to listen to anything but the edge of a blade." She leaned forward, her gaze piercing. "This isn’t some storybook where the hero wins with a kind word and a smile. Out there, it's kill or be killed. And you’re risking your life—and mine—on some ridiculous notion of mercy."

You sighed, knowing how deeply ingrained her beliefs were, but still unwilling to back down. "I’m not naive, Minthara. I know the risks. But I have to believe that not everything has to be solved with bloodshed."

Minthara shook her head, leaning back in her chair with a look of exasperation. "You're going to regret this. When your plan backfires and they turn on us, don't say I didn't warn you."

The next day, you put your plan into action. You approached the marauders with an open hand, speaking to them calmly, offering them a chance to surrender, to find a different path. Minthara stood a few paces behind you, arms crossed, her expression one of barely concealed disdain.

For a brief moment, you thought you saw a glimmer of doubt in the eyes of the leader. He hesitated, as if considering your words. But then, with a sneer, he laughed in your face and ordered his men to attack.

The battle that followed was chaotic and brutal. You fought alongside Minthara, who, despite her earlier mocking, had your back through every strike and parry. But as the dust settled and the bodies of the marauders lay scattered across the ground, you couldn’t help but feel a deep pang of disappointment.

As you wiped the blood from your blade, Minthara approached you, her expression a mixture of triumph and something almost like pity.

"I told you," she said, her voice low and smug. "I warned you this would happen, my dearest. You tried to reason with animals, and they bit you. Violence isn’t just an answer—it’s the only answer with scum like them."

You felt your heart sink at her words, the sting of failure weighing heavily on your shoulders.

"I just wanted to try a different way," you muttered, more to yourself than to her.

Minthara’s smirk widened, and she reached out to tilt your chin up, forcing you to meet her gaze. "And look where that got you. If I hadn’t been there, you’d be dead. Your idealism is going to get you killed one day, and I won’t always be there to save you from yourself."

You couldn’t argue with her. The truth of her words stung as much as her mockery, but you couldn’t help but feel a stubborn resolve still burning within you. You’d tried—and failed—but that didn’t mean you’d stop believing in the possibility of a better way.

Minthara, however, seemed content in her victory. She gave you a lingering look before turning away, her voice carrying over her shoulder as she walked off. "Next time, listen to me, love. You might just live longer."

You watched her go, feeling the weight of the lesson she had driven home. But even as you stood there amidst the aftermath, you couldn’t entirely give up on your ideals. However, you knew better than to challenge Minthara’s approach again anytime soon. Not unless you were prepared for her to say, "I told you so."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Lae'zel:

The conversation had started out as a simple strategy discussion, but as it progressed, a divide between your philosophies became increasingly apparent.

Lae'zel, ever the pragmatist, had suggested an aggressive approach to deal with the band of brigands that had been terrorizing the nearby village. You, on the other hand, had proposed a more peaceful solution—trying to reason with them, to offer them a chance to change their ways without bloodshed.

As you finished explaining your plan, Lae'zel’s eyes narrowed in disbelief. She leaned forward, her intense gaze boring into you.

"You cannot be serious," she said, her voice laced with skepticism. "What is your plan then? To defeat them with the power of friendship?" There was a pause before her expression shifted to one of realization. "Oh by Mother Gith, it is…"

You felt your face heat up, her words cutting into your confidence. It was one thing to believe in the goodness of people, but hearing it framed so mockingly by Lae'zel made you question your own resolve. Her laughter followed, a deep, throaty sound that both unnerved and irritated you.

Lae'zel shook her head, her laughter subsiding into a smirk. "You’re too soft, too trusting. They’ll cut you down before you can utter a word of peace. This is not some child's tale where good intentions win the day."

Her amusement gnawed at you, your initial confidence wavering. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was foolish to think you could sway the hearts of brigands with words alone. But then again, you believed in the possibility of change, in the strength of diplomacy. It had to be worth something, didn’t it?

Seeing your hesitation, Lae'zel leaned back, her smirk never fading. "Your plan is as flimsy as your resolve. You’ll get yourself killed, and for what? A misguided hope that the wicked can be redeemed?"

Her words, though harsh, hit a nerve. The doubt she had planted began to fester, and you could feel your frustration growing. Defensive, you shot back at her, "It’s not foolish to want to find another way. Not everything has to be solved with violence, Lae'zel!"

But even as you spoke, the wavering in your voice betrayed your own uncertainty. Lae'zel noticed it immediately, her eyes narrowing slightly as if she had already won the argument. That smug, knowing look on her face was the final straw.

Without thinking, you lashed out, giving her a light but firm whack on the arm. It wasn’t enough to hurt her, but it certainly caught her off guard.

"Stop laughing at me!" you demanded, your tone more petulant than you intended. The words tumbled out in a childish strop, and you could feel your cheeks flush with embarrassment. Lae'zel looked down at where you had struck her, then back up at you, her smirk widening into a full grin.

"Oh, so the little diplomat has claws after all," she teased, her voice dripping with amusement.

You glared at her, folding your arms across your chest as you huffed in irritation. "I’m serious, Lae'zel. Just because I don’t want to go charging in with swords drawn doesn’t mean I’m wrong."

Lae'zel chuckled softly, her laughter more affectionate this time. She reached out, placing a hand on your shoulder, her grip firm but not unkind.

"You’re not wrong to want peace," she said, her tone softening slightly. "But you must understand, in this world, it is strength that dictates survival. And sometimes, that strength must be wielded with force."

You wanted to argue, to insist that your way could work, but the confidence had drained out of you, leaving you feeling more frustrated than anything. Lae'zel’s words had unnerved you, and now, with the heat of the moment passing, you felt a little silly for losing your temper. Lae'zel, sensing your turmoil, gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Do not doubt your convictions," she said quietly. "But know that I will always be there to protect you, even when your heart leads you into danger."

You sighed, the tension slowly ebbing away as you leaned into her touch.

"I know," you muttered, still feeling a bit sulky but less inclined to argue further. Lae'zel smiled, her expression softening in a way that was reserved only for you.

"Good," she murmured, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. "Now, let’s focus on what we can do together. Whether by word or by blade, we’ll handle whatever comes our way."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Shadowheart:

The two of you had been sitting by the campfire, discussing the best approach to deal with a group of hostile mercenaries that had been causing trouble in the nearby village. Shadowheart, ever pragmatic and wary of risk, had suggested a straightforward approach—one that involved steel, blood, and as little negotiation as possible.

But you, ever the optimist, had a different idea. "Violence isn't the answer," you had said firmly, hoping to convince her that there was another way. "We can talk to them, maybe even convince them to leave peacefully."

Shadowheart had looked at you with a raised eyebrow, her expression a mix of skepticism and concern.

"What’s your plan then?" she had asked, her tone dripping with doubt. "To defeat them with the power of friendship?" There was a pause, her eyes narrowing slightly as realization dawned. "Oh my gods… it is, isn’t it?"

You had bristled at her disbelief but stood your ground. "It’s worth trying," you had insisted. "We don’t have to resort to violence right away."

She had sighed, shaking her head. "You’re too kind-hearted for your own good. This isn’t going to work, and you know it."

But despite her warnings, you had gone ahead with your plan.

When you returned to the camp later that evening, the night had already settled in, and the campfire cast long shadows around you. Shadowheart had been waiting, her eyes scanning the darkness for any sign of you. When she finally spotted you, she noticed immediately that something was off. You were walking stiffly, your movements careful, as if every step was a battle against pain. She stood up, crossing her arms as you approached.

"So," she began, her voice deceptively casual, "how did the plan go?"

You forced a smile, trying to keep your discomfort hidden. "It was fine," you lied, your voice a little too tight. "Better than expected, actually."

There was a long moment of silence between you, the crackling of the fire the only sound. Shadowheart watched you closely, her eyes narrowing as she took in your tense posture, the way you were holding yourself as if every movement caused you pain. She didn’t say anything at first, just let the silence stretch, waiting for you to crack.

Finally, unable to bear the weight of her gaze any longer, you sighed heavily.

"Alright," you muttered, dropping the pretense. "You were right. It didn’t go as planned."

A smirk tugged at the corners of Shadowheart’s lips, but she didn’t gloat. Instead, she stepped closer, her eyes softening slightly as she reached out to touch your arm.

"Are you hurt?" she asked, her tone more concerned now. "How bad is it?"

You winced as her fingers brushed against a particularly sore spot, and you nodded reluctantly.

"It’s not too bad," you said, trying to downplay it, though you knew she could see through your bravado. "But… I could use some help."

She sighed again, though this time it was more resigned than exasperated.

"I told you it was a bad idea," she said, her voice gentle as she began to examine you for injuries. "But you’re stubborn, I’ll give you that."

You couldn’t help but chuckle, though it quickly turned into a wince as she found a particularly tender spot on your side.

"I just wanted to find a better way," you said softly, meeting her gaze. "I didn’t want to hurt anyone."

Shadowheart’s expression softened, and she shook her head slightly as she tended to your wounds.

"I know," she murmured, her touch careful as she worked. "But sometimes, being too kind can be dangerous. You have to know when to stand your ground, and when to draw the line."

You nodded, the pain in your body a reminder of the lesson learned.

"I’ll keep that in mind," you said, your voice earnest. Once she finished patching you up, she looked at you with a mix of affection and exasperation.

"You’re lucky I’m here to take care of you," she teased, though there was a warmth in her eyes that made your heart swell. You smiled, reaching out to take her hand.

"I know," you replied, squeezing her hand gently. "And I’m grateful for it."

Shadowheart sighed, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips as she leaned in to kiss your forehead. "Just promise me you’ll be more careful next time," she whispered.

You nodded, the weight of the day’s events settling on your shoulders as you leaned into her embrace. "I promise."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Gale:

The two of you were huddled in your tent, poring over maps and discussing the best way to deal with the band of marauders terrorizing a nearby village. Gale had suggested a calculated approach—one that involved precise spells and strategic combat. But you had a different idea, one that made Gale pause, his brow furrowing in disbelief.

"Violence isn't the answer," you said, your voice filled with conviction as you traced a route on the map. "We can talk to them, convince them to leave peacefully. There’s no need for bloodshed."

Gale looked at you, his expression a mix of bewilderment and concern. "What’s your plan then?" he asked, his tone cautious as if he was preparing himself for something unexpected. "To defeat them with the power of friendship?" His eyes widened slightly as he realized you were serious. "Oh my gods… it is, isn’t it?"

You nodded confidently. "It’s worth a shot. If we can appeal to their humanity, show them there’s another way… it could work."

Gale leaned back, rubbing his temples as if trying to comprehend what he was hearing.

"You’re astounding, you know that? Only you could concoct a plan that defies all logic and yet believe in it with such unwavering faith." He shook his head, a mixture of admiration and exasperation in his eyes. "But go ahead, fearless one. Let’s see where your idealism takes us."

You smiled, grateful that despite his doubts, Gale was willing to let you try. So, with a heart full of hope, you set out to enact your plan.

The marauders were camped just outside the village, a rough and rugged group that looked every bit as dangerous as the villagers had described. But you approached them with open hands, speaking to their leader about peace, redemption, and the possibility of a better life.

For a moment, it seemed like they were listening. Their leader’s eyes softened as you spoke, and you felt a flicker of hope. But then, with a harsh laugh, he dismissed your words, and the marauders closed in, their intentions clear.

Your heart sank as you realized your plan had failed. They weren’t interested in peace; they wanted power, and they were willing to take it by force. You braced yourself for the worst, feeling a surge of regret for not heeding Gale’s warning.

But just as the marauders were about to strike, a brilliant light erupted around you. Gale had been watching from a distance, his keen intellect and protective nature unwilling to let you face the danger alone. With a few precise incantations, he unleashed a barrage of spells, weaving fire and force into a stunning display of magical prowess.

The marauders, caught off guard by the sudden onslaught, stumbled back in disarray. Gale’s magic surged through the camp, disarming and disabling the attackers with calculated precision. In moments, the threat was neutralized, and the surviving marauders fled into the night, too afraid to challenge the wizard who had effortlessly turned the tide.

Breathing heavily, you turned to find Gale standing a short distance away, his expression a mixture of relief and exasperation. He approached you, his eyes scanning for any signs of injury.

"Well," he said, his voice carrying a hint of smugness, "it seems my plan worked after all."

You sighed, feeling the weight of your failed attempt settle on your shoulders.

"I thought… maybe I could reach them," you admitted, your voice tinged with regret. Gale’s expression softened, and he placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Your heart is in the right place, my love," he said gently. "But not everyone is open to reason or redemption. Sometimes, you have to be prepared for when words fail."

You nodded, feeling a mix of gratitude and humility. "You were right," you confessed, meeting his gaze. "Thank you… for stepping in."

Gale smiled, his eyes warm with affection. "It’s what I’m here for," he replied. "To keep you safe, even when you’re determined to save the world with kindness."

You couldn’t help but smile at his words, despite the lingering disappointment in your chest.

"I suppose I owe you one," you said, leaning in to rest your head against his shoulder. Gale chuckled softly, wrapping his arm around you.

"Just promise me you’ll listen next time," he teased, though his tone was gentle.

"I promise," you murmured, feeling the comfort of his presence and the steady beat of his heart. "I’ll be more careful."

Gale pressed a kiss to your forehead, his voice soft in your ear. "Good. Because I’d like to keep you around for a long time."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Astarion:

As you stood by the campfire, pondering the best way to deal with the bandits who had been terrorizing the nearby village, you couldn’t shake the feeling that there had to be a better way than resorting to violence. The thought of bloodshed weighed heavily on your heart, and you were determined to find another solution.

Astarion, ever the cynic with a devilish smirk, noticed the troubled expression on your face and sauntered over, his gaze full of curiosity.

"Something on your mind, darling?" he asked, his tone light but laced with that familiar undertone of sarcasm. You hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath and turned to face him.

"I don’t think violence is the answer here," you began, your voice resolute. "Maybe we can talk to them, convince them to leave the village alone. It doesn’t always have to end in bloodshed."

Astarion blinked, taken aback by your suggestion. He stared at you for a long moment before raising an eyebrow.

"What’s your plan then…?" he asked, his voice dripping with disbelief. "To defeat them with the power of friendship…? Oh my gods, it is, isn’t it?"

You nodded, your resolve unwavering despite his incredulity. "Yes," you replied firmly. "It’s worth trying. If we can avoid fighting, why not?"

Astarion’s eyes widened slightly, and he stared at you as if you had just suggested sprouting wings and flying to the moon.

"You’re serious," he said, half in disbelief, half in amusement. "You’re actually going to go through with this insane plan."

You crossed your arms, refusing to back down. "Yes, I am," you insisted. "There’s no harm in trying to talk things out first."

Astarion let out a long, exasperated sigh, running a hand through his silver hair. "Darling, I adore that bleeding heart of yours, but this plan of yours defies all logic. Bandits aren’t exactly the negotiating type."

You could see the concern in his eyes, masked by his usual sarcasm, but you were determined to stick to your principles.

"I have to try," you said softly. "If there’s even a chance…"

But Astarion wasn’t having it. He stepped closer to you, his expression turning from playful to serious.

"No," he said firmly, his hand gently but firmly grasping your arm. "This is madness. You can’t just walk into a bandit camp and expect them to listen to reason. You’re going to get yourself killed."

You looked up at him, surprised by the intensity in his gaze. "Astarion, I—"

"Enough," he interrupted, his voice firm. "I can’t let you do this. I love that heart of yours, but I would much prefer it to keep beating."

You tried to pull away, but Astarion held on tighter, his grip unyielding. "I’m not letting go until you come to your senses," he said, his voice softening just a fraction. "I’ve lost too much already, and I won’t lose you too."

His words struck a chord deep within you, and you could feel the fear and concern behind his usual teasing demeanor. A moment of silence passed between you, the tension thick in the air. Finally, you sighed, your shoulders slumping in defeat.

"Alright," you murmured, "maybe it was a foolish plan."

Astarion let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and pulled you into a tight embrace. "Thank the gods," he whispered into your hair, his voice full of relief. "You had me worried there."

You wrapped your arms around him, leaning into his embrace, feeling the warmth and comfort of his presence.

"I just wanted to find a way to avoid more violence," you said quietly.

"And I love you for that," Astarion replied, his voice gentle now. "But sometimes, a little pragmatism is necessary."

You nodded against his chest, feeling a wave of gratitude for his stubbornness, even if it had annoyed you at first.

"You’re right," you admitted. "I wasn’t thinking straight."

Astarion chuckled softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "You never do when it comes to your heart," he teased, though his tone was affectionate. "But that’s one of the things I love about you."

You pulled back slightly to look up at him, your eyes meeting his. "Thank you," you whispered, "for keeping me grounded."

He smiled, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "Always, my love," he said, his voice full of warmth. "Always."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

I loved writing this and I hope you guys enjoyed it! - Seluney xox

[justanothermemestrider]

40k Sfw Alphabet: Perturabo

As per the poll, Peter T is next for the alphabet series! I have a particular and peculiar soft spot for this man. I don't fully understand why, but it did make writing this one a lot of fun.

I apologise for any spelling errors, ooc moments and grammatical mistakes. If you guys have any requests for future headcanons or fics, please send them thru!

Otherwise, please enjoy :)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Showing affection does not come easily to Perturabo, but that does not make him an unaffectionate person. All his life, he's been starved of unconditional compassion, and that has hardened his heart. But beneath all of that is a man who craves affection. Perty may not be willing to admit it to himself, but that doesn't stop it from being true. And when you suddenly. come along, showing him that yes, there are people in this world who can and will love him for him, not for how he might serve them, those walls around his heart will begin to erode.

After that, Perty will show his affection for you through gifts and acts of service. You will never be left wanting for anything, and often you will return to your shared home to find a new ornament, music box, fidget toy or other such trinket left out for you. Handcrafted by your husband to assure you that, while he struggles with words and physical touch, he loves you in his own way.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Have you guys seen those memes on Instagram and/or tiktok about the mean-girl-who's-actually-a-girl's-girl? You know, someone who looks and acts all mean and judgy, but in a pinch will absolutely step up to help a friend in need? I see Perturabo being that kind of best friend.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Perty doesn't like cuddling but for your sake he will... tolerate it. He might grumble and complain, but he'd never deny you. When you do cuddle, he's a big spoon all the way, holding you from behind or lift you up onto his chest, resting his arms around you like weighted blankets. Secretly, he craves physical touch, but he's way too prideful to ever admit it.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Perturabo's biggest want in life is to be seen as something other than a war machine. He wants to build what he wants, to live how he wants, and he wants to do so without judgement. So, absolutely, I can see Perty wanting to settle down. Eventually, he wants a calm, peaceful life where he can build toys instead of tanks and playhouses instead of siege weapons.

Also, he would be a fantastic house husband. So long as you show him the right amount of appreciation for what he does, he would love nothing more than to stay at home, build his contraptions and be left to do his own thing. Side note: if you were the bread winner of the pairing, Perty's pride might be hurt on instinct, but I could see him getting over it. He would see that your going out and earning a living for your both gives him the time he needs for all the little projects he's been wanting to work on.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Yikes. I mean, there are definately worse 40k characters to break up with, but Perty is definately up there. Expect a lot of shouting, a lot of insults and so, so much pettiness. It's not because he actually means any of it, though: it's all to cover up how heart broken he is.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Perturabo is absolutely lives by commitment, and this extends to your relationship. Once he's squared enough of his demons away to understand that he loves you, he's never going to want to let you go. Your engagement ring will be the finest, most intricate piece of jewelry ever crafted by a human hand, as would be your wedding bands, dress and veil. In a compete reversal of tradition, Perty would demand to take full charge of planning the wedding. The stress of trying to ensure that everything will be perfect, though, would have the poor man ripping the cables out of his scalp, so be prepared to give him ample moral support.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Contrary to popular belief, and his own exterior persona, Perturabo is surprisingly good at being gentle. It's doesn't come naturally: particularly with the emotional side of things, he has to make a concerted effort. But like everything he does, when Perty puts his mind to something, he is always staggeringly competent at it.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Much like cuddles, Perty doesn't like hugs, but for your sake he will tolerate them. And if he can see that you are upset, ill or otherwise under the weather, he will initiate the embrace in order to comfort you.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not very fast. Not very fast at all. I do think that, eventually, he would muster up the courage to say it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

In my humble opinion, Perturabo is the most jealous of the primarchs. And this is because he's easily the most insecure. Any indication that another man might MIGHT be interested in you, Perty is spiralling. In these moments, he will be angry, not at you mind you, but rather the offending male. He will need your every reassurance and bit of praise.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

At first, Perturabo's kisses are stiff and mechanical. He doesn't really know what he's doing, and such intimate physical touch makes him feel awkward and uncomfortable. Once he gets over that, though, his kisses become hard, aggressive and overpowering. They'll make your jaw ache and lips swell up.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Terrible at interacting with children, absolutely unrivalled at making the things that children like or need. Toys, cribs, cradles, mobiles, walkers and everything in between, Perturabo can and enjoys to make.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Perturabo is almost never in bed when you wake up. He's always up early so as to get ahead of his work. When you eventually get up, though, you'll usually find a plate of freshly-made breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Perturabo rarely sleeps first- you'll be already half asleep by the time he finally makes it to bed. It's during these late night moments, when he is feeling tired, peaceful and a little horny, that he is the most physically affectionate. He will kiss your neck, pull you into his chest and simply enjoy the feel of your body and your energy.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Perturabo is far from keen to reveal things about himself to you. The surface level things, sure, but anything deeper than where he lives and what he likes to do in his spare time, he's more than hesitant to share. This is for two reasons: one, his past is a dark thing, not a lot there that he likes to relive. And two, many of the things he's done in the past, he is ashamed of, and he has a lot of regrets. With his insecurities already being neck-high, he can't bear the thought of you knowing about them, lest you think less of him or even decide he is not worth your love.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Perturabo's temper has an infamously short fuse, and that doesn't change when he's with you. If he's stressed, tired or pissed off, it's gonna be your problem as much as his. Just don't take it to heart because it's not your fault. It's never your fault. And if he says something that might insinuate that, he will make it up to you with a special gift or gesture (he's not yet mature enough to say sorry, so he's gotta show it).

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Perturabo is as detail orientated a person as you could get. Therefore, he remembers everything about you. Even the weirdest, most mundane things. Like the way you tend to hold a knife and fork. How long exactly you tend to brush your teeth for. Random stuff like that, he just remembers. His knowledge of your habits and quirks is near-encyclopedic.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

I know this is the sfw alphabet, but for this one I gotta say it's the first time you two shared a bed. It was Perry's first time, and let me tell you, it changed him. And it was thanks to the clarity and peacefulness of the afterglow that he was able to finally admit to himself (and to you) that yes, he does in fact love you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Perturabo is hyper protective. Partially out of jealousy, partially out of fear for your safety. You are literally the only good thing that's even happened to him. You're the one person who has given him the affection, validation and appreciation that he has needed ever since he was a little boy. If anything happened to you... Perturabo can't even bear to think about it.

As for Perty himself, he needs you to protect his heart. Specifically, his self esteem and his self worth. He won't ever ask for it, but you'll be able to tell when he needs a kind word or loving touch.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

All of these fall under acts of service. Therefore, Perturabo excels at all of them.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

I think all of Perturabo's problems can be catagorized as a lack of emotional maturity and a very damaged, weakened sense of self worth. His relationship with you forces him to become self aware of these issues, but it is a monumentous task overcoming them.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not really at all. Perturabo cares only for functionality, not fashion.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yup. See P for some elaboration as to why.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Perty talks in his sleep. Soft little mumblings and coos that are entirely incoherent and totally, utterly cute. He doesn't even know he does it.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Honestly? Perty wouldn't like being with someone who reminded him of him. He needs an opposite; someone who balances him out rather than matches him. If it wasn't that, then the relationship would crumble under the weight of bad tempers, insecurity and emotional deregulation.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Perturabo's sleep schedule is almost non existent. Seriously the man hardly sleeps at all. Often times, when night time rolls around and it's time for you to go to sleep, he'll lift you into his lap and let you sleep there, pressed back against his chest or curled up on your side using his arm as a pillow, while he continues working on whatever pet project he's got going at that moment.

Taglist: @solspina @beckyninja @egrets-not-regrets @wolf-feathers12 @jaghatai-khock @lemon-russ @moodymisty

[itsabouttimex2]

Hi, I wanted to say that I really liked reading your analyses when it comes to flaws in lmk's writing, along with the ranking of the villains that you did. I hope it's alright to ask for advice, since I'd like to make a romantic self insert story with Macaque, but the thing is that I'm worried on how to portray the platonic relationship between Sun Wukong and Macaque. While we still don't know entirety of how Macaque died in his fight with Wukong, I've already made decision to address both of their faults that caused their relationship's downfall. What I'm worried about is how to portray it clearly that it's both of their faults, without making them too OOC. Some fans have tendency to chose sides with their whole situation, which is something I'd like to avoid. But I'm not sure how to avoid that, which is why I'd like to ask for your advice on it.

Sun Wukong and Macaque

A Rundown on the Fallout

This is an interesting question, and thank you for asking! Given how much of their personal backstory is left to viewer interpretation, I’ve included a little bit of mine.

I think the big, big thing that people miss with the Sundial/Shadowpeach fallout is how severely uneven it is. But give me a minute to get there…

Probably the biggest of Past!Sun Wukong’s biggest issues is what I’m going to call “externalizing”. (This isn’t the appropriate way to use that word, but I’m at a loss here) Wukong is bright and loud and happy- and very, very desperate for attention.

Sun Wukong’s literal first action in the world was to excitedly barrel towards a group of monkeys. His first words end with him asking plainly “Don’t ya like it?!” like a child begging for praise from a parent. He shows off to Subodhi’s other students. He eagerly tells a chaotic story to his sworn brothers and is implied to play it up to some degree for attention.

This is direct opposition to Macaque.

Past!Macaque is quiet, withdrawn. He has no ties to other people. He doesn’t pipe up. He’s not bold or confident. So what does Macaque do?

Well, just about jackshit. There’s only TWO members of the six-strong brotherhood that he actually shares interactions with- Sun Wukong and Peng.

Azure Lion? Yellowtusk? Demon Bull King? Macaque literally doesn’t interact with any of them even once. Nobody calls him brother. Flash to the modern day, and he’s the last person Azure bothers looking for.

He doesn’t joke, or tell stories, or try to bond with the rest of the crew. This is literally how he responds to being called a coward and a rodent by a “brother”.

By mildly frowning.

(Side note: WUKONG IS NOT IN THE WRONG FOR NOT DEFENDING MACAQUE FROM PENG. Macaque never went above a mild frown and never acted hurt or upset beyond this little facial expression. If he was sad ((WHICH HE WASN’T)) or seethingly angry ((WHICH HE WASN’T)) then it’s on Macaque and Macaque alone for not defending himself. Wukong is not his brother’s keeper, etc.)

(Macaque, even in the past, was a lot stronger than he’s often given credit for. Did this remark make him unhappy? Yes. Did it break or ruin him? No.)

He has no friends or ties to the past. No mentor and no fellows and no troop. No one likes him. No one wants him. No once cares about him… except for the Monkey King.

All he has is Sun Wukong.

So already they’re on this MASSIVELY unbalance scale where Wukong has a title and a troop and a heaping handful of immortalities and a band of brothers and a sacred weapon and a mountain and and and!!!

And… Macaque has… his shadow powers?

Yeah, they’re not on level footing. Wukong could pull out of the brotherhood and away from Macaque and throw down his staff and still have so, so much!

And Macaque, if he left Wukong, would have next to nothing.

Sun Wukong is his one good thing. His one star in a dark sky. Sun Wukong is all that Macaque has.

Already is this an EXTREMELY unhealthy dynamic, where you’re basically living for a second person without them putting that devotion back towards you-

Which is exactly what causes the downfall of this relationship.

Macaque doesn’t speak up for or against anything. He’s just willing to sit pretty and play along… because it’s for his one good thing.

Because it’s for Wukong.

Even if his brothers don’t like him, or he gets mocked, or he doesn’t want to play along, Macaque grits his teeth and stays- because it’s for Wukong.

Because he can’t lose his one good thing.

So he’ll do anything.

And that’s the problem.

The Monkey King isn’t asking him to shut up and play nice. Nor does he ask for blind loyalty. And he doesn’t ask his friend not to voice his concerns and fears.

Macaque is choosing to do these things.

Because he can’t lose his one good thing.

Macaque is choosing to “internalize” (again, this isn’t the appropriate way to use that word, but I’ve set a precedent here) his thoughts and feelings.

Macaque pulls everything inside, and Sun Wukong pushes it all out.

The First Crack: Uneven Expectations

Macaque is not honest with his thoughts and feelings. He never actually expresses the way he feels to Wukong, which leads to the Monkey King never understanding his feelings. But you know what Macaque DOES do?

He gently and softly nudges the idea of maybe kinda I dunno potentially not taking over the entire Celestial Realm???

But he doesn’t say no.

Macaque never expresses himself or genuinely tries to talk Wukong out of overthrowing the Jade Emperor. He just hints at the idea and EXPECTS Wukong to pick up on his thoughts and wants without any real effort on his own part. He puts ALL of the onus onto Wukong to understand and reach out to him, without putting that amount of time and effort in himself.

Macaque wants to be understood without putting on the effort to be understandable, which isn’t fair to Wukong at all.

The Second Crack: Unfairly Divided Consequences

Wukong is solely punished for the crimes of six men, and left to rot while his sworn brothers run free.

(Quotes pulled from prior analysis)

Sun Wukong is trapped. For attempting to overthrow the Jade Emperor, he is sentenced to FIVE HUNDRED YEARS trapped under a mountain.

Let me elaborate for anyone who doesn't sympathize.

For the next five hundred years, Sun Wukong will be 75% immobile and alone under a nearly lightless mountain. There will be no noise, no stimulation, and no company. He will suffer in silence, and he will suffer alone.

But you know who ISN'T being punished for an attempt to overthrow the Jade Emperor?

Macaque.

Now, this is funny. Wukong leads a six strong band of brothers against the forces of the Celestial Realm, but only ONE of them faces consequences for the rebellion- himself.

Even five hundred years later when Wukong is set free and traveling with his fellow pilgrims...

No one else has faced consequences for the rebellion. All five of Wukong's "brothers" (Azure Lion, Peng, Demon Bull King, Yellowtusk, and yes, Macaque) get away scot-free to continue their plans and schemes.

I would be pissed. You would be pissed. There is not ONE SINGLE PERSON in this world that would NOT be pissed about how blatantly unfair this is.

(End Quote)

This is especially important if you read Azure Lion’s about Wukong “surrendering” as the truth (he is an unreliable narrator), then it’s likely his brothers were spared as a result of his surrender. And still, he’s all alone in this cavern, bored and uncomfortable and angry.

And probably very sad and lonely, too.

The Third Crack: Peach Symbolism

When Wukong wants to cheer Macaque up, what does he do?

Engage in snacking and physical affection that leaves the two snuggled up side by side on a sunny beach.

Seems like the Monkey King has a pretty good read on his best bud!

Now, how does Macaque repay the favor?

After an unknown period of time spent in the extensively explained condition above leaves Wukong angry and frustrated, Macaque comes by to-

Jam a peach into Wukong’s face and act like nothing is wrong at all.

Sun Wukong doesn’t want to pretend that nothing is wrong. He doesn’t want to act like everything is okay. He wants to be free.

But Macaque has put on an act this entire time. He’s played along and kept quiet and complacent and been “good”, and even now is he acting.

So he presents, of all fucking thing, a peach.

Sun Wukong likes peaches, yes. They’re likely a comfort food from a time long past, a constant in his long, long life.

(I bet that on Flower Fruit Mountain there’s a special strain untainted by the push of genetically-modified fruit that’s grown to be chock-full of sugar. I bet it’s his absolute favorite thing in the world to eat. I bet he shared it with the Pilgrims. I bet he wishes he could share it with them again. I bet.)

They’re a symbol of massive freedom- freedom from strife and pain and death.

And having that symbol presented to him so plainly and pretend-happily?

It’s just the final nail in his diminishing coffin of self-control.

The Fourth Crack: Wukong Lashes Out

So, as was unavoidable from the start of his imprisonment- Wukong snaps and rejects the peach, mocking Macaque for trying to cheer him up from a five-hundred year sentence with fruit and a false smile.

But he doesn’t stop there-

The Monkey King continues to castigate his best friend, blaming him for things that are the shoulderweights of six men.

Except he’s not really lashing out at Macaque directly- he’s just lashing out, and Macaque happens to be the nearest target.

There was bound to be a breakdown eventually. No matter how you look at this scenario, anyone would snap. There’s literally not even one person who wouldn’t break down eventually.

And then, Macaque lashes right back, and says something very interesting-

The Fifth Crack: Macaque Lies and Run Away

(Censored quotes taken from same analysis)

No, he didn't.

Macaque nudges the idea. He implies the idea. He hints it, quietly and softly.

"You're really going through with this?" Is not him shutting down the idea of fighting the Celestial Realm.

It's him being a coward and trying to dance around the issue without a direct confrontation.

Not even once does Macaque say: “We shouldn't fight the Jade Emperor."

He directly LIES to present himself as being the better person during this fight.

Macaque is lying to his best friend’s face to make himself look better in this utterly pointless argument, then prepares to run away and never comes back- but not before placing literally all of the blame for EVERYTHING onto Wukong’s shoulders.

(End quote)

Final Crack: YOU are responsible for MY behavior!

Finally, Macaque makes a few last “Nothing is ever MY fault!” statements to Wukong, consisting of:

“You dragged everyone else into this!”

“You put yourself here, not me!”

Which are BOTH blatantly untrue, given that

1. The Azure Lion is actually the one who started the Brotherhood in the first place

2. Macaque is a grown man who makes his own decisions

3. The rest of the Brotherhood are grown men who make their own decisions

4. Macaque went along with the plan willingly

5. The rest of the Brotherhood went along with the plan willingly

6. Everyone took part in the attempted rebellion of their own will and volition

Everyone is responsible for the end result, including Macaque who was there literally every step of the way, but he doesn’t want to accept that!

Macaque wants to be a perfect little victim who can wipe his hands of the matter, and who better to blame…

Then his “one good thing”, who is now utterly helpless and incapable of doing anything about it?

Macaque only finally lashes out and speaks up when there is literally no way to face recourse for it- which is proof of the cowardice lurking inside him.

There’s a big reason that Wukong calling him out for “running away” hits so hard and is what finally prompts Macaque into speaking up and tries to absolve himself of all blame.

Because Macaque knows that Wukong is right.

The first thing that Macaque does when things go wrong is to prioritize himself and run away. (Just remember how he responded to unleashing the Samadhi Fire.) Then, when all is said and past and it’s time to tell the tale, Macaque will whitewash himself- which he does blatantly in “Shadowplay”.

So when his gilded “one good thing” finally cracks the image Macaque built up by being a fallible person who stumbles and slips up and makes very human mistakes?

He abandons ship, and allows his flaws to start sliding out- now Macaque is “externalizing”, which he’ll continue to do to the present day- taking everything inside and putting it out- by projecting and slandering and lying and trying to hurt innocent people.

Essentially, Macaque puts his best friend on a pedestal and of his own will and volition plays the role of “lackey” for nothing in return without being asked, then ditches him over a fight and returns to a much unhealthier group of “friends”, while Sun Wukong is left to serve a lonely sentence as punishment. But because the Monkey King receives punishment and does his time, Wukong is allowed a chance at redemption under the loving and caring eye of his Master, Tang Sanzang, and manages to redeem himself, where his guilty brothers going free leads them to continually rack up crimes that leaves them on the receiving end of the pilgrims wrath.

Okay I’m tired now love you guys ❤️❤️

[mixtape-racha]

enough for you | poly!ot8 (9th member reader)

dating the members of your band was both a blessing and a curse... especially when you had to hide your changes in behaviour from them

words: 3.21k // warnings: established relationship, poly!skz x reader, reader is put on a diet and workout plan, lack of eating, reader takens caffeine pills, overworking, overexercising, reader passes out, the boys get angry (not at reader)

a/n: i am NOT trying to glorify undereating and/or overworking yourself in ANY way, but if you struggle with food-related topics or suffer from an ED please do not read this fic as i don't want to trigger you in any way // based on this request

you bowed your head with a small - and extremely undeserving - smile as you said your goodbyes to the staff and left your meeting. solo meetings with the staff at jype were always worrying, but this time you wished you had forced one of the boys to come with you.

you had a huge year ahead of you; your comeback being one of the most anticipated of the year on twitter, before your japanese comeback, and then further embarking on a tour. really, you and the boys were enjoying all the free time you had before the workload became overbearing - which none of you could deny it was, despite how much you loved your jobs.

but to then be sat down and given a whole new diet and gym plan? on top of everything else, it was…. hurtful. you were always a little self-conscious of your weight - being the only girl in a group with 8 boys, anything you did or changed stuck out like a sore thumb. but as far as you knew, you were fine. your weight had sat steady since the last comeback, and you were always careful with what you ate and how you worked out.

shaking it off as your manager put a comforting hand on your arm and helped you out of the building to your awaiting car, you assumed that something had changed if the company felt they had to step in. you just hoped the boys hadn’t noticed, and if they had they weren’t talking about it behind your back. 

it was a silly thing to worry about, obviously. your boys only ever wanted what was best for you, and you knew that. merely 2 years after your debut, you had all begun understanding each other on a deeper level, and - under chan’s demand - very, very slowly it led to romantic connections establishing between you all. and now here you are, in one of the biggest kpop groups in the world, working and living and thriving with your 8 boyfriends in one harmonious polycule.

during the drive back to the dorm, your manager was kind enough to let you brood in your silence - he understood all too well that you were bombarded with a lot of information to process during the meeting, especially when your small hands started flicking through the folder you were given. a strict meal plan - every meal and snack planned out to the last gram with no room to move. an exact workout guide - how on earth you were going to do this without changbin noticing something was up in the gym, you had no clue. you just prayed that their busy schedules leading up to comeback season were enough for you to keep this from them - the last thing they needed right now was to worry about you too.

when you finally arrived back at the dorm, you were instantly wrapped into a tight hug by a pouting jisung. you giggled softly as he complained about losing mario kart to felix - again - and how he owed jeongin $100 because felix beat seungmin too. he kept mumbling his complaints into your neck as you waddled to the living room, the sight of the maknae line bickering and throwing popcorn at each other being a wholesome and beautiful sight to come home to.

jisung finally released you from his hold, allowing you to squeeze yourself onto the couch between seungmin and jeongin, the latter instantly throwing an arm around your shoulders as seungmin looked over at you, a smile painted on his lips.

“how did the meeting go? we were trying to figure out why they’d call a solo meeting with you, but none of us worked it out.” he asked softly, planting a chaste kiss on your cheek before handing his controller back over to jisung. you weren’t entirely sure how to respond, thinking of an excuse on the spot.

“oh, yeah it went fine. they were just checking what parts of the comeback schedules lined up with my period - after last comeback, they want to try and make that week as easy as possible for me.” you shrugged, knowing the boys wouldn’t ask more questions when it came to that time of the month.

its not like they were disgusted or anything. in fact, they were the most helpful and understanding boyfriends you could ask for. they just never pried, never dug for more information than you seemed comfortable with sharing, and you were grateful for that. especially as you lied. if they asked questions, you were sure you would crumble and tell them the truth. for now, it was just easier to ignore it and join them playing video games.

dinner time that night was your first exceptional challenge. after studying your diet plan in your bedroom, it was suggested that you have a vegetable salad with plain chicken breast and a small portion of sweet potato. it seemed boring and bland, especially with the other meals you were expected to follow. usually, you would follow the boys around the kitchen and see what they were having for dinner - then helping one of them make a larger portion so you could share and eat together. it was so normalized at this point, you’d typically get asked teasingly which member’s meal you’d be planning to hijack that night.

so, of course, when you headed to the kitchen silently and began preparing a completely different meal, a few eyebrows were raised, although thankfully no one asked any questions. they just simply assumed you had a specific craving that night that you wanted to indulge in. truthfully, as much as you wanted to eat your meal in the company of your boyfriends, discussing your days and giggling together, you were deeply embarrassed by the fact the company had put you on your diet plan. so regretfully, you skulked back into your bedroom with your dismal meal and ate in the comfort of your bed with a disney movie playing in the background.

the next morning, you woke yourself up at what felt like the ass-crack of dawn to head down to the company gym. you stuffed everything you’d need for the day into a backpack, silently leaving the door and enjoying the quiet of the early morning during your walk to the company building. the lack of noise and movement in the world was nice, feeling like it had washed away all of your worries almost instantly. every time you saw a stray cat, or a funny street sign, you’d snap a picture to send to your group chat with the boys.

you allowed yourself to send a couple of animal pictures to the chat, assuming the boys would be asleep, and when they woke, wouldn’t notice or question the times that you had sent the pictures. of course, that was a misjudgement on your part, because when the hell did chan ever sleep? as you approached the gym doors, your phone dinged and your heart squeezed at his message.

lying to your boyfriends in any way made you feel sick to your stomach, but deep down you just didn’t want them worrying about you. luckily, your workout went relatively easily - you were quite active and partook in gym activity frequently so it was simply like a higher intensity session for you.

after you had showered and left the gym, you headed down to the company cafeteria for breakfast. your meal plan stated that your breakfast for the day should be a small portion of mandu dumplings and a pineapple and kale smoothie. you savored the food as much as you could with each bite, knowing you wouldn’t be able to get a chance to eat again until the later evening. your schedule was packed, practices upon practices before your evening workout, and as much as you loved your job, you knew wholeheartedly how much the company liked to overwork you leading up to comeback season.

practice seemed to drag that day, your vocal teacher questioning if you were feeling unwell because your energy just seemed completely off during your session together. you shrugged her off, insisting you were just tired, but in reality you were overthinking every single moment of the day. between the lack of food, and ache from overworking yourself in the gym that morning, you just felt exhausted - both physically and mentally.

after you finished all your scheduled plans for the day, you decided to head to the company cafeteria for dinner - it was easier than going home and then heading back out to the gym, in all honesty. you tried your hardest not to finish your allocated meal, thinking if you left food on your plate that you’d feel more accomplished. however, as soon as you got to the gym and began your evening workout, you knew leaving food was a bad idea. nonetheless, you pushed through the achy joints and growling stomach, even beating your current personal best on the stairmaster before you ended your session.

the stress of needing to be a certain weight before your next solo meeting before the comeback had you stressed and pushing yourself harder than you should, so you opted to walk back to the dorms that night rather than calling a car. the next few days were similar - the ache, and fatigue, and sick feeling in the pit of your stomach as you forced yourself into work. staying at the company later, working out at any free time you had, sleeping as soon as you got home without even acknowledging the boys you shared a dorm with. they had slowly started noticing, of course, but it wasn’t until exactly a week after your meeting that things all came to a head.

you had finally noticed in the mirror that morning that you had lost weight - your clothes weren’t fitting how they usually did, and you weren’t even hungry most of the day. the gym had become your best friend, and working out had become so much easier. sure, the fatigue and lightheadedness was slightly concerning, but in your opinion it was worth it to keep your job.

that day, you were scheduled to have a whole-group dance practice in the evening before you all headed home, which the boys were excited for because it meant they could travel home with you for the first time in a week straight. you, on the other hand, were slightly annoyed you couldn’t just sneak off to the gym or make an excuse to stay at the company longer. that day you’d opted to skip breakfast - the idea of eating before a day of work making you nauseous - and instead had chugged an energy drink and some caffeine pills along with your morning vitamins. work was boring, and all day you were itching to just up and head to the gym, or just go on a long walk, but you couldn’t. you were stuck between rooms in the company, and it was honestly stressing you out.

by the time it got to the evening, and you and the boys all met up for dance practice, you were instantly scooped into a hug by hyunjin, giggling as his hair tickled your skin.

“finally! missed you so much, pretty girl. feels like i haven’t seen you for more than 30 seconds lately.” he mumbled against the skin of your neck, the sensation making you shiver.

“don’t be silly, hyun,” you grinned as you pulled away to help him tie his hair into a ponytail. “i’m right here now, not going anywhere.”

practice started pretty quickly after that, considering jisung was running late after vocal lessons, and you quickly realized that not eating that day may not have been your best idea. the haste of your movements had your head spinning more than usual, and you felt like you were tripping over your own feet every two seconds. you couldn’t sworn you were moving in slow motion with everything around you sped up, and no matter how much you tried to shake the feelings off, it wouldn’t leave.

you stepped forward through a wave of your boyfriends, fighting to keep your eyes ahead and complete your center dance for the bridge in the song, but it was to no avail. your heart thudded and you internally cried as you felt your body collapse to the ground, black dots circling your vision and your ears ringing loudly.

the thud your body hit the ground with was sickening to the boys who looked on, minho rushing over to try and catch you since he was the closest. they were fast to carry you to the couch in the corner on the practice room, seungmin practically sprinting out of the room to get you cold water and ice from the cooler in the hallway. of course, they knew you had been acting strange, but they never realized it was something so big or detrimental to your health - both physical and mental.

“she feels lighter… god, how did we not notice she’s lost so much weight?” felix practically wailed, his eyes brimming with tears at the sight of you sickly pale and unconscious in his arms.

“when was the last time someone saw her eat?” changbin quizzed, his frown only growing as jeongin piped up.

“forget that for now, when was the last time she had a drink?”

seungmin had reentered the room by that point, a cup of ice and a separate cup of water in each hand. felix had his hands in your hair, fingers tangled between the locks as he stroked your head soothingly. chan had crouched in front of you, cupping your cheek and softly rubbing the skin with his thumb in an effort to gently wake you up.

when consciousness did finally grace you again, you groaned. your head was pounding and you felt gross, and sticky. you tried to sit up, surprised when felix pulled you back down to lean on him from behind you. it was only then that you looked around and took in the worried faces of your boyfriends and bandmates, instantly flushing red in shame that you disrupted practice.

“i’m so sorry–” was all that managed to escape your lips before seungmin held out the cup of water in front of you, swiftly cutting you off.

“drink. we’ve got ice, too, and jisung has a protein bar in his bag that you’re eating, okay?”

you blanched at his words, sipping the water while carefully trying to decide your next words.

“i appreciate it, but i’m fine. i don’t need to wait, i just need some water and i’ll be fine.”

yeah, that sounded good in your head. not too many details, but enough for them to hopefully drop it - at least, you hoped. but unfortunately, the universe didn’t want to work in your favor that day, as you eyes fell on chan and his worried - but stern - face.

“(y/n)...” he started, and your heart dropped at how exhausted and scared he sounded. “what’s going on? when’s the last time you ate? and don’t lie to me, please.”

you sighed, looking around the room and accepting that the game was up. you just hoped they would understand, and they wouldn’t be mad at you. it was bad enough that disrupted practice, you couldn’t handle your boys being disappointed with you too.

“i…” even just looking around the room at the scared faces of your boyfriends, all ideas of lying slipped away from you. “yesterday lunch time. i had a chicken salad…”

you looked at the floor, too scared to face their disappointed stares as you felt felix’s hand shift from your hair to your shoulder. tears were welling under your eyelids no matter how hard you tried to blink them away, and you knew you couldn’t keep it a secret anymore.

“love,” changbin asked softly for his position on the floor next to chan. “is this why you’ve been going to the gym so much? why are you doing this to yourself?”

you shook your head unable to reply, as you felt chan’s hand on your knee.

“we’re just worried, pretty girl. ther’s no need for you to be doing this to yourself, you know that, right?”

you couldn’t help the way you groaned loudly, all your recent frustration pouring out in that moment. it was like a dam had broken, and you couldn’t stop yourself.

“it’s not me! i don’t want this. it hurts and it sucks. it’s– it’s not me.”

“can you elaborate, angel?” felix asked softly, his breath tickling your ear from his proximity to you.

“it’s…” you sighed, knowing that if you didn’t tell them now, then you never would. “it’s the company. that meeting, last week i– they gave me a diet plan. told me i needed to lose weight before the comeback. i just didn’t want to let anyone down…”

your voice slowly trailed off as you gained the confidence to look up, meeting the distraught expressions of your boyfriends. shock, disgust… anger…. you weren’t sure what scared you more in that moment. really, you tuned out everything that was going on around you, sipping your water in hopes of combatting the thudding in your head.

it was only when jeongin crouched in front of you with his signature smile plastered on his lips that you came back to reality. he hed out his hands to you, helping you stand, as everyone packed their belongings up.

“we’re gonna head home, okay? order in some food and have a movie night, if you want that?”

your eyes leaked again at their concern, the group of you leaving the practice room and headed down to the company lobby. “i’d love that, innie… but where are chan and minho going? aren’t they coming home with us?”

he shook his head as the rest of the members, along with yourself, headed out to the cars waiting for you outside the building.

“they’ll be right home - they’re just going to talk to the staff… make some ‘arrangements’, as channie-hyung worded it.”

you were too tired and mentally exhausted to ask any further questions, allowing the boys to bundle you into the car without a fight. when you finally got back to the dorm, felix and jeongin helped you shower, before you met changbin in the bedroom to help you get dried and dressed for bed.

by the time you got back into the living room, chan and minho had arrived home, but they wouldn’t answer any of your questions - opting to give you the television remote instead as they placed bags of takeout food onto the coffee table.

and thats how you spent the night; curled up on the couch with your favourite boys, enjoying takeout and watching movies. it was perfect, and you couldn’t believe you allowed the words of staff members to take this feeling away from you.

--------------------------------------

oh, and you later found out chan and minho had gone into a meeting room all guns blazing, threatening to sue if the company risked your health the way they did ever again. you were never put on another diet plan after that, and used your experience to speak out about the mistreatment of idols due to unobtainable beauty standards. life was good.

taglist: join taglists here @pretty-racha @chubbyanarkiss @taeriffic @mits-vi @chanssmiles @5kayzee @torixx80 @fawnpeaks @bangtanmix73 @savluvsmingi @boi-bi-ahaha @4evrglow @skz-streamer @crybabyychu @demetrisscarf

[1toreyouapart]

What It Cost

****THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE PEOPLE OR MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS STORY OUTSIDE OF LILITH AND SADIE AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT UP FOR FANFIC INVOLVING REAL PEOPLE***

Terrible summary: Five years since she last spoke to him. Since she last saw him. Now his face and his voice is everywhere. She can't escape him.

Five years ago Noah destroyed her and the life they had built. Now he’s back and seeking to make amends. As much as she wants to say that it's too little too late, is it?

CW/TW: Angst, mention of addiction, cheating. Mention of character death. Language. Smut (later on). PinV, unprotected PinV (wrap it before you tap it, friends), oral (f&m receiving). All smutty warnings happen later on, so I’ll update TW/CW warning labels as those parts are written and posted. If I forget anything, please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!

A/N: Currently unedited. Sorry. 😬 Read at your own risk, I guess. 😅 Also no word count because I’m lame.

Part 1 - Lilith

Lilith sighed, closing out of TikTok. Every other video was some video about him. Concert footage, old stream footage from five years ago. His music. She couldn't escape him, no matter how hard she tried. Though it stung, she couldn't help but feel a little bit proud of him. Years of constant work had paid off. Noah had made it. The band had made it and was now one of, if not the, biggest band in the scene right now.

But, God, it still hurt. For four years it had been him and her against the world. Her sitting there night after night, day after day, encouraging him and supporting him. Pushing him to keep going when he just wanted to give up. The first three years had been hard, and sure they'd argued, but it had been good. Great, even. It wasn't until their second album came out that everything started to fall apart.

Suddenly it was like he was finding reasons to fight with her. He would stay out later and later. Drank more and more. And no matter what she did, it just seemed to push him further and further away. That last year had been a nightmare. All culminating in the night that he didn't come home until 6am.

The night that when he finally came home, he couldn't look at her. God, she could still smell the perfume that clung to him as he pushed past her, headed upstairs for the shower. Sure, she could have followed him and confronted him, but what good would that have done? They'd have just fought some more and she was so tired of fighting. Instead she'd packed her things and left while he washed off the smell of another woman. Like a coward.

Part of her hated herself for leaving quietly like that. But she just didn't have it in her anymore. One call to Jolly on her way to her best friends had confirmed her suspicions, anyway. Jolly, though reluctant, had confirmed he'd left with another woman that night. In spite of everyone trying to stop him. Noah hadn't cared.

"Earth to Lilly!" Sadie shouted, snapping her fingers in front of her face.

"Hmm?"

"You good? You've been zoned out for like 10 minutes."

Lilly sighed. Was she good? Yes, but no. Having him plastered everywhere was wreaking havoc on all the healing she'd thought she had done.

"Yeah. Just can't escape his fucking face anywhere these days."

"Ew. He doesn't deserve this success. Not after what he did."

"Sadie," she groaned. "You were like siblings at one point. You know how hard he worked for this. Don't be like that."

"Bitch, you should be more like that. After what he did? Moving you out here with him? Just to cheat like the gutless bitch he is?" Sadie huffed, leaning back in her seat. "You haven't even been able to go on a successful date in five years!"

Lilith squeezed her eyes shut, rubbing her temples. Sure, Sadie was right. And she should probably work through why that was, but that was too daunting of a task. She already knew it was because she was constantly afraid she wasn't enough. That there was something just fundamentally wrong with her. Logically she knew that wasn't the case. That it was him and only him that made him do that. But God, it still sucked thinking about it.

"Sadie..."

"I'll stop. I'm sorry. It just pisses me off. Jolly's still mad at him, you know."

"I know." She chuckled. "He reminds me every time he's here. And Matt. And Nicholas."

Her and Noah may have broken up, but the boys had never stopped treating her like she was family. They still came over regularly. Still had family dinners. It was because of that Jolly and Sadie finally got together. Part of her wondered if Noah knew all of this. An even bigger part of her hoped he didn't. Not out of anger or spite. For her own sanity. As much as she hated to admit it, she missed him. Far more than she should. And knowing that if he knew they all still spent time with her and he didn't once in five years try to reach out and at least apologize? That could very well break her.

Her phone pinged, alerting her to a text. And so life went on. Lilith checked the notification, smiling at Jolly's name appearing. Her smile quickly fell, however, when she read the message.

"Anniversary dinner in Danny's honor coming up on the 26th. Mason really wants you there. We all want you there. You loved him, too."

Fuck. She'd missed last year's. Made some excuse so she didn't have to see Noah. Him and Danny had been close. Of course he would be there. Fuck.

"I've been requested at an anniversary dinner for Danny."

"Noah will be there."

"I know." Lilith groaned. "I can't keep avoiding him forever."

"Good chance for him to grow a pair and apologize."

Lilith laughed, though it was hollow. Noah admit to mistakes he made? Fat chance in hell. He was more likely to spend the evening avoiding her just as much as she would avoid him.

"There's about as much of a chance of that happening as there is of me going without my morning chai." Her phone pinged again.

"Yes, Noah will be there. No, you don't have to talk to him."

It was like Jolly had read her mind. A genuine laugh escaped her, her chest feeling light again. Jolly knew her a little too well sometimes. With a grin she responded, pushing the thought of being around Noah out of her mind.

"See you there."

She could do this. She could be around Noah. It wouldn't be that big of a deal. After all, they ran in the same circles. It was a miracle she'd even avoided him for this long. Everything would go smoothly and be totally fine. It was just a dinner. What's the worst that could happen?

Tags: @fadingintothegrey

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 1

Hello! I know there are a few minutes left of the poll, but there is nothing that could happen in the next 15 minutes that is going to change the outcome.

3 to 1 in favor of the main story first. The only reason I asked, was because that story has been finished a long time, but this one is just getting started. But the masses have spoken.

Original prompt here.

Summary: Eddie and the Corroded Coffin boys made it big right out of high school. So big that Metallica could open for them. Outselling the biggest bands and artists. They are huge. Then a small little indy metal band called The Fallen comes on the scene. They wear hoods and masks and go by aliases. Eddie (and most of the rest of the metal scene) are dismissive of them. More splash then talent.

Only fans don't thinks so. So when Dustin takes him to one of their concerts Eddie learns two things.

One that they are super talented.

And two, that he knows at least of one the members' of the band's real identity.

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @redfreckledwolf @emly03 @itsall-taken

****

Getting out of Hawkins had always been the dream. Being able to do it with three of the best people he had ever had the pleasure of knowing with their music? That was the cherry on top of the icing.

But Eddie never dreamed that Corroded would outsell one his favorite bands of all time. Never even crossed his mind to dream about.

But there it was in black and white. Corroded Coffin was the highest grossing band of the year. Metallica was seventh. Fuck they had outsold Taylor Swift for Christ’s sake.

Barely.

But it still counted damn it!

What was a surprise was the number nineteenth best selling band of the year. A band he’d never heard of before. The Fallen. It said the genre was metal in that little italic font.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

Yeah, it was impossible to listen to every up and coming metal band. But if they had already hit this big with only their second album, surely Eddie would have heard them on the radio.

Only on their last tour Chrissy Cunningham, their beautiful and amazing manager had put an embargo on the radio because the riffs were finding their way into Eddie’s song writing. So he guessed it made sense that he hadn’t heard of them.

So he called the one person he knew who would have all the details on these guys.

“Dusty!” he greeted when the man picked up. Man. Shit, when did they all get so old?

“Eddie!” Dustin greeted back. “Finally back in town?”

Eddie grinned. “You know it. Dude, you know my tour schedule better than Chrissy does.”

“Maybe.”

He laughed. “Guess who hit the top of the most successful metal bands of the decade?”

“Oh my god!” Dustin screamed. “That’s so cool! Is the issue out on stands yet or did you get a sneaky peak for having made it to the top of their list?”

Eddie winced. “Sadly the later. But! I can bring it over to show you when I come to hang out.”

“That’s acceptable,” Dustin said. “Steve just got back in town, too. That label he works for sure does like dragging him all over the world.”

Eddie hummed. “Yeah? Where’d they send him this time?”

“Japan if you can believe it,” Dustin huffed. “He basically came home sometime around midnight and just crashed.”

Eddie didn’t know what Steve and Robin did for the studio, no one did. But the general consensus was that they were dogsbodies of some sort. Getting coffees for execs and stars, driving them places. Just stuff they didn’t want to hire out for, they made Robin and Steve do.

“I won’t be waking him up if I come over, will I?” Eddie asked, biting his lip. He had a crush on the other man. A large one. But fame and fortune kept getting in the way of something more.

“Nah,” Dustin assured him. “He woke up about an hour ago. He’s even showered and eaten. He’ll want to see you as much as I do.”

Eddie very much doubted that, but he was going to take it. “Great! This list is insane, man. I can’t wait for you to see it.”

“Come over for dinner,” Dustin suggested. “We’ll pour over the list over pizza and beer.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re old enough for beer now.”

“Yeah, yeah, old man,” Dustin said. Eddie could feel the eye roll from here.

****

Eddie was watching Steve in interest.

He was walking around like he was used to being in high heels or something, as he would catch himself on his toes and force his feet down on his heels.

He would jump at Dustin throwing open the door. He kept touching his face and rubbing at his throat.

Robin was constantly pushing tea into his hands to get them settle. When they weren’t cradling the tea mugs, they were all over the place. Not just his face. But his back and stomach, too. Rubbing his palms on the front of his jeans.

“Dude!” Dustin hissed. “What is wrong with you? Japan can’t have been that different from America.”

Steve winced from the sound. “Bud, you are seriously being too loud. I told you that I have a migraine.”

Eddie tilted his head. “Hey do you need me to go? Butthead here said you were fine.”

Steve looked up at Eddie and his expression softened. “I’m fine as long as you aren’t yelling like Dusty Buns, here.”

Eddie chuckled. “I hear that. So how was Japan? When me and the boys went a couple years ago it was so beautiful.”

Steve rubbed his forehead between his eyebrows. “I wish I could have seen more of it. It felt like we were running nonstop. At least we aren’t roadies. I don’t think I could do the work they do. They’re the true beating heart of the operation.”

Eddie nodded. “Our last tour we had twelve trucks of roadies and equipment. It was insane.”

Robin grabbed Steve’s cold tea mug and swapped it with a warm one. Steve murmured his thanks. “I’m still not sure if I’m on this time zone yet. And I worry that this fucking migraine may throw me off even further.”

“Is that why Robin is plying you with tea?” Eddie asked. “To keep you awake enough to go bed at the right time?”

Steve nodded, humming contently over the cup of tea. “Nothing caffeinated, not really. Peppermint for the most part, honey lemon, too. She thinks I might be coming down with travelers’ cough.”

Again Steve made an aborted movement toward his face.

“Stop doing that!” Dustin hissed again. “Why do you keep touching your face like that? Did the Tibetan monks curse you or something?”

Robin smacked the back of his head. “That’s China, doofus! And no, no one has been cursed. We had to wear face masks like the surgeons wear for a lot of the trip because there had been a flu outbreak.”

Eddie nodded. “Ooh, yeah. They recommended we wear them too in certain areas, it wouldn’t surprise me if I was that twitchy when we moved to the Australian leg of the tour.”

Dustin eyed Steve warily, like he wasn’t sure if he should believe him or not, but Eddie had backed him up, so Dustin decided to let it go.

For now.

“Where were you touring again?” Steve asked Eddie after taking a long sip from his mug. “South America, wasn’t it?”

“Right in one, big boy,” Eddie enthused. “It was our first time in some of those countries so it was super exciting meeting the people, learning the culture, eating the food. I swear by the end of the tour we had all gained at least ten pounds and that was with us sweating our asses off on stage almost every night.”

Steve winced. “I don’t know how you guys do it, the stage lights we had were merciless.”

“Years and years of practice, Stevie,” Eddie said, “years and years of practice.”

Dustin turned to Eddie. “All right I think I’ve been patient enough, I want to see the top twenty money makers of metal before I vibrate out of my skin.”

Steve laughed and smacked the back of his head. “You know who number one is, why do you care about the other nineteen?”

Eddie shook his head. “Not just metal bands, my weird little friend. But out of all the bands.”

He pulled out the magazine and Dustin snatched it out of his hands, careful not to rip it.

Dustin was furiously reading the list and it was clear that he was looking for someone specific.

“Eureka!” he cried. “I knew it! I knew they were outselling other new metal bands.”

Steve looked over his shoulder. “Yeah? Who’s that, bud?”

“The Fallen!” he cried. “They are so cool man. They have these on stage personas like Daft Punk and they kick ass on stage. I was so bummed when they didn’t come to Pasadena or anywhere near there when they were doing their US leg of their tour.”

Dustin was going to school at Caltech because as much as he wanted to go to MIT his mom was worried about him being by himself, so he moved out to California to move in with Steve.

He was on campus for housing most of the year, but he came home on the weekends and that put Claudia’s mind at rest.

Steve himself had moved out to California a couple of years before. Robin and him had gotten a job at record company and had to move out there to be closer to the headquarters.

Interestingly, or at least to Dustin, Steve’s friends all found jobs out here, too.

“I saw that one,” Eddie was saying. “But I’d never heard of them are they any good?”

Dustin scoffed. “Are they any good? Holy shit are they good.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “They’re a metal band, no offense to Eddie here, but there are only three metal bands on the whole list. Most of them are pop, rap, or country. How good can they be?”

Eddie scoffed and held his hands to his heart. “You wound me!” Then he flopped on the sofa, playing dead.

“That’s what does make them so good, Steve,” Dustin insisted. “Because there are only three metal bands on the list, it means they had to work their asses off twice as hard as the others.”

Eddie popped up. “Yeah, Stevie!” He stuck out his tongue and Steve laughed.

“You got any of the albums?” Steve asked, with a flippant wave of his hand. “If they’re so good, let’s hear them then.”

A shadow crossed over Robin’s face and she looked like she wanted to say something, but couldn’t.

****

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25

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[so-idialed-9]

It's been over two weeks since Liam, and I'm...still not that OK. And I don't know if I will be. It hit me so much harder than I imagined. It still feels like we are in the wrong universe. This never should have happened. So this is just a rant about how I am feeling, in case you are feeling it too. Please, don't forget Liam. And don't let hangers-on steal his truth again.

I find relief and joy seeing videos and photos of Liam, or reading fanfiction about him. Thinking of him as joyful and silly and complex and loved and having challenges he can triumph over...we should never lose that. I never want him to be erased. I'm glad that wasn't stolen from us.

Seeing the fandom come back together, new people fall in love with Liam, and Directioners not let his entire life story be simplified or tragically recast or the bullshit narrative they tried to place on him, has been mixed.

On one hand, I'm deeply grateful Directioners were cultivated to analyze the shit out of PR-spun industry bullshit and know exactly how to undermine it LOUDLY. Without that, the sloppy, contradictory, false narrative about Liam would've been fully accepted. And now it never will be no matter how hard they try.

But I'm also sad because I would give anything for Liam to have had five minutes in a world that openly adored him as much as he deserved. See him bashful and glowing as people raved about his voice, dance moves, leadership, songwriting abilities...his warm eyes and cuddly affection and kindness to so. many. people.

I feel rage thinking about how Liam was FUCKING TELLING THE TRUTH about everything. He told the truth when he said the band was formed around him, that Simon promised him. He told the truth about leading the band - ten seconds of watching This Is Us shows that. He told the truth about Zayn's lack of parental support especially from his father, which must've impacted him severely. He told the truth about the industry and what he lived through. And people unfollowed and laughed at him, made him into a joke, but he was telling the truth the whole time.

And now, my biggest fear is that we could lose another member. I'm very worried about Zayn but almost afraid to not worry about the others as much. I know that all my worry isn't helping anyone and that feels worse, that there's nothing I can do.

And I fear that soon, people will stop paying attention and forget him all over again. Or let his story get swallowed up by people who never did anything but opportunistically live off of him.

[slaaverin]

Stumbled upon this and it made my heart ache for Jungkook.

This man is the most honest, pure, and kind-hearted person I've ever encountered.

He wears his heart on his sleeve since debut. Everything can be seen on his face and words, he's an open book.

So how on earth people pretending to love him cannot see him?

How can people have so much distortions in their perceptions to call him a manipulative liar? It is truly beyond my comprehension.

Since the start Jungkook has been trying to tell us; through songs he shared, through gcfs with carefully selected clips and lyrics, through the tender way he touches and treats Jimin, through his eyes, so expressive and full of emotions, through his words, protective, devoted. He told us for years that he simply and irrevocably loves Jimin. He loves him. And I don't care how people want to label this love. The label doesn't matter, but the depth of it does.

So by negating this bond, and calling it lies, and treating Jungkook as a fake person, can these people even truly say they love him? They know him? They've devoted their full attention to him?

Or is it just for selfish reasons? Because of his looks, because of what they would want him to be instead of who he truly is?

This makes me sad because Jungkook has done nothing but show his heart, time and time again. He has been vulnerable with us, showed the ups and downs, and yet it's only to get hurt by people who claim they even love him. How twisted is this?

You know what kind of trust he has for us? What kind of sacrifices is required to be this open? In a country like theirs, in a situation as complicated as to be a member of the biggest band in the world?

What Jungkook has done in so many years is an gigantic gift to us. It is a blessing. And it is brave.

I only wish people would treat it as such, instead of shitting on it.

The value Jungkook has provided is tremedous, and not acknowledging this really makes them look ungrateful and entitled and selfish.

Apparently they love him so much that they label themselves "solos". Their primary focus is Jungkook. The person they think and observe and cheer for is Jungkook.

They devote so much time onto him, yet you tell me that they entirely missed the most obvious part, the biggest elephant in the room?

What a fucking joke this is. How can someone be so wrong?

They are the liars. They are the ones manipulating reality for their agenda, not Jungkook.

If they go as far as denying and belittle a big part of Jungkook's heart, they insult him and who he is. They disrespect him. And they sure as hell do not love him (I'm not even sure they know what love is).

Sorry, but this is hitting me hard. I want Jungkook to have the fans he truly deserves, as the beautiful human he is, and that is not it.

Jungkook has been my bias since day one. And to watch him come into himself and become the man he is today has been a true privilege.

He has revealed everything of himself. Everything we need to know at least.

So can people open their minds a little bit, and let Jungkook's heart and feelings touch theirs? Just for an instant?

Real life is not always a drama. It's not conspiracy theories, it's not toxicity and negativity only. Sometimes there are real people with real feelings. There is some good in this world and I know it's hard to believe. I know people are disillusioned and traumatized and mistrustful. But if they could let their guard down, and just open their hearts, they would understand how good and true Jungkook is.

That there is a reason they love him, and this reason is valid. It is. And it is not in crazy narratives. It is in simple acts of love.

If seeing him happy isn't enough, I don't know what will be, because anything beyond that is demanding unrealistic expectations he will never be able to fulfill. He will never be this person. He is not this person.

He is happy with Jimin and that is reality.

He loves Jimin and it is the truth.

Can it not be enough?

What else do they want?

He's human. He lives a complicated life with impossibles things many of us could not endure because we are simply not made for it, and we would crumble. Who he is and what he does is extraordinary.

So what if a show with Jimin brings him comfort, makes him smile in the midst of his stressful life? What if it is the best moments for him?

Why would it be wrong? Why won't they let them have this unique pocket of happiness?

😭 does he not deserve it? Has he not done enough for ALL OF US?

When I tell you that makes me cry.

Showing love is not taking only the parts we want and reject the things we don't like, it's accepting it all, it's saying yes to everything he is. It's unconditionnal. It's trust and understanding and being empathetic. It's not in the fucking mind with theories. It's in the guts, in the heart, it doesn't have to be logical and make sense.

His love for Jimin doesn't make sense (I mean of course it does because it's The Park Jimin), yet this love exists and people need to accept it once and for all, because this won't go away, probably never.

So yes, my heart aches for Jungkook. Because I don't want all his efforts to show us and make us understand to be a waste. I want him to be heard and cared for in the way he deserves.

It's a fan's job.

So can people start showing real support, please? Of everything he is, and everyone he loves?

Sorry for the long post but I needed to get this out of my chest

[glossdebut]

PRICE OF FAME | MYG ★ CH. 2 TEASER

✧ PAIRING: yoongi x fem!reader

✧ SUMMARY: You were about ready to give up, your career nowhere near what you dreamed it’d be when you started at eighteen, bright-eyed and naive. Reality for you these past few years has consisted of pouting at a camera, ignoring whispers of your name at company events, and ensuring that the stupid, tiny designer purses they keep forcing on you can at least carry a flask. But now, you’re helping a friend in need. For the first time in a long time, it feels like you’re doing something worthwhile with your life. Too bad Min Yoongi, the newest thorn in your side, seems insistent on stopping you. 『 series masterlist 』

✧ TEASER WARNINGS: none!

✧ AUTHOR'S NOTE: ask and you shall receive! i still don't have a set drop date for this chapter, but i wanted to post this short teaser for y'all anyway since you've been waiting so patiently. i am so thankful for all of the love i'm getting for this series already!!! chapter one is almost at 500 notes which is SO insane. i get so stupidly giddy every time i receive a reply, reblog, or an ask about this series! feedback and interaction keep me writing and i am so looking forward to what all of you think of this teaser. reminder that you can track the tag 'glossdebut updates' to stay updated on drop dates/word counts/etc.!

P.S. just like with all of my teasers, wording is subject to change when the chapter actually comes out <3

✧ TEASER WORDCOUNT: 481 words

✧ STATUS: ongoing

Yoongi hasn’t touched a cigarette since he was twenty one years old.

He picked up the nasty habit at sixteen, when one of his friends doled out African Ice Jacks amongst the group, bragging that his hyung had bought the pack for him. As soon as the lighter was flicked on and the bittersweet taste of bubblegum and tobacco filled Yoongi’s lungs, he was hooked.

It was stupidly easy to get his hands on cigarettes before he was of legal age, even when his friend’s hyung couldn’t supply them for whatever reason. All of the adults around him smoked, including his parents. 

It felt as though cigarettes were an extension of his hand, felt wrong when he didn’t have the option to light one up. During school hours, Yoongi’s fingers would twitch on his desk as he waited for his last class to end.

He was a fucking anxious, wound-up kid. Smoking was the only thing that helped, sometimes. If he had a shit day, at least he could have a cigarette.

When the band got signed, though, things changed. Despite the fact that the majority of the population in Korea smoked, celebrities were vilified for it in the media. For whatever fucking reason. Yoongi didn’t care much what the media had to say about him, but he reasoned that it would be pretty stupid to let his dream die over Ice Jacks. So he quit.

It was hard at first, but it’s been five years now. After so much time, it’s rare that cigarettes even cross his mind, even when others smoke around him.

Sitting across the table from you now, though, Yoongi’s fingers twitch just like they had when he was in grade school staring at a clock.

He and the band started frequenting Yoojung Sikdang long before there was any real hope for fame. It was their chosen spot after every practice. The ajumma who owns it knows their names, remembers their orders by heart. Over the years, the only part of the restaurant that’s changed is their autographed photos on the wall. They’ve celebrated every single milestone here, big or small, just the five of them. Alone.

Wrapping up their first world tour should be no different. It’s their biggest milestone yet, and all Yoongi wanted was to eat ssambap with his best friends. Remind himself that none of the fame matters as long as they still have this.

But here you are. Of course. Encroaching on everything Yoongi’s built, everything he holds dear to his heart.

The only time it’s ever been more than the five of them here was the night they signed their contract, accompanied by two label executives. Even if you’re allegedly riding Jeongguk’s dick, no way are you that fucking important.

Yoongi would laugh if he wasn’t so pissed off. You are such a fucking pest. He just can’t shake you off.

✧ TAGLIST: @jajabro @pitchblack0309 @sugar-snap @ot72025 @ktownshizzle

@futuristicenemychaos @tea4sykes @sugainmybowl @namjoonsbuspass @wobblewobble822

@yoongiphoria @ohnothisnameisalreadytaken @this-most-assuredly-counts @sugafun @binniesbabe

@1800lxcifrrr @whoa-jo @amarawayne @kimsaerom @bangtangsworld @angellekookie

@jalexad @tarahardcore @valhallawhispers @chimmisbae @notsevenwithyou

[irisintheafterglow]

hiii Iris! as the biggest fan of ur rockstar!Gojo drabbles....... is there any room for a humble request between Gojo and reader attending an event where he gets recognized with an award and he thanks her in his speech? something along those lines but ultimately whatever u want... i just want ALL THE TEETH ROTTING FLUFF AND A FLUSTERED READER THANK U <3

OOOOOHHHH this is GOOOOODD (thank you anon for your request and sorry it took so long to get to lol hope you like it <3)

green light.

the cameras were on him again for what felt like the twentieth time. you bump your shoulder against him before he can do it to you and he clicks his tongue, defeated again.

"this isn't fair," he whispers into your ear. "i think you have a better angle than me." you bite your tongue to stifle a laugh, looking at him from the corner of your eye.

"or, you just aren't fast enough," you tease and he rolls his eyes, lacing his fingers into yours and resting it on his thigh. "i like this little game of punch-buggy."

"be grateful it's just us two today. i've almost been kicked out when it's me, shoko, and suguru." another green light, another shoulder bump. he meets you halfway, though, and you find yourself pushing against him as he insists on winning. he pushes you back, eventually, but drapes an arm around the back of your chair to keep you from going too far. "i cannot wait to leave," he murmurs.

"you're getting an award tonight, satoru," you point out and he shrugs a lean shoulder. "they'd be idiots not to give it to you." he's still not convinced, boredom apparent on his features. "'breakout star of the year?' who else would it go to?"

"megs and yuuji have been doing pretty well for themselves," satoru recalls and you have to agree, but you both know no one in the world comes close to your boyfriend's level of fame. green light, right before a commercial break. he's faster than you this time; but, instead of bumping you, he presses his lips to the side of your head, leaving you warm from the sudden show of affection. "god, you're so fucking pretty. i'm still wondering how i got you to come to this with me."

"i figured we've been to the boardwalk and the beachwood enough that it's about time i show up with you at an awards show." the cameras were a shock the first few times he'd taken you out to lunch, but now you'd become so acclimated to their presence that you could catch when the green light blinked on.

"still, you're not too overwhelmed by everything? we can still disappear after the ceremony ends and ditch the afterparty," he reminds you and you brush your thumb over the skin of his cheek. he was yours, body and soul. "i'm only ever looking at you and following your cue."

"it's up to whatever you wanna do, satoru. i'm with you wherever you go."

"you're too good to me."

"yeah, and you're stuck with me, so get used to it," you smirk and he chuckles. a few green lights linger at tables near you, but for now, it's just you two. the band plays the ceremony fanfare and various artists return to their seats, anxious to know if their predictions of who wins the most sought-after award of the night are correct.

tonight, we recognize an artist whose exponential growth and unique artistry have captivated the world. his singles, "hollow purple," "limitless," and "six eyes," have remained in the billboard top ten for a whopping 18 weeks. give it up for 'breakout star of the year' gojo satoru!

you watch dozens of green lights flicker to life across the room, all pointed at you and satoru. his face breaks into his signature dazzling smile as you both stand, embracing for only a moment. "just like we practiced," he murmurs. "don't be scared if they stay on you for the entire time." before you can respond, he disappears into the crowd of standing admirers, shaking hands and expressing his sincerest gratitude.

just like you'd practiced.

the green lights surrounding you are blinding. green, green, green, green, green. everywhere.

and yet, satoru's voice cuts through the cacophony.

"wow, i-uh, i don't really know what to say." it's exactly what he means to say. "i'm honored to receive this and i wanna thank all the people who voted to give this to me." he hated most of the board that voted for him, always trying to make him into their puppet. they wouldn't have even given him the award if the public weren't absolutely obsessed with him; somehow, that made the victory a little sweeter. "i wanna thank my team, my managers, and my best friends, shoko and suguru. i hope you guys aren't getting too wasted right now," he laughs and the crowd mirrors him, following his lead like moths to a flame. he glances down at the award in his hand again, thinking, and then finds your eyes from across the ballroom. "and lastly, i wanna thank the one i love more than any award or honor. you are what i do this for, and i am yours until the end of everything. thank you."

green lights catch your stunned expression as satoru gives a final bow and exits the stage, returning to your side in record time. your hands are shaking when he takes them in his; your face is burning when he presses a kiss to your forehead.

"i'm gonna marry you," he whispers so that only you can hear it. no thoughts run through your mind, just satoru, satoru, satoru, satoru.

and the green lights become dimmer.

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