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aethelflaedladyofmercia · 3 years ago

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Home (Four Times Crowley was Lovesick - and Aziraphale Took Care of Him)

Written for @do-it-with-style-events "Who Needs A Great Plan" event, Day 1, prompt "Four"

Crawly stood beneath the white wing, watching the rain fall, watching the humans walk away, watching anything but the angel beside him, his smile, the way he furrowed his brow and pouted.

His heart kept doing a funny skipping thing every time he looked that way, which was odd, and made him think he’d gotten some sort of defective body, or possibly that he’d messed something up in the transition from the serpent form.

“You know, I do think this rain might not be as pleasant as I’d hoped,” the angel said, tipping his head back so sopping white curls dangled, dripping onto his robe. “I’m starting to feel a bit cold, are you?”

“Nah. M’adem’n,” Crawly muttered, trying to keep his teeth from chattering.

“Well. I suppose we all have our aptitudes.” He reached down to squeeze the rainwater from his sleeve. “I suppose you carry the fires of Hell within you, or something?”

“S’nice.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the angel turn to smile at him and now his heart was doing some sort of backflip, and his stomach attempting to dance. “G-g-gotta keep’m somewhere.”

“I see. I do find myself missing my sword, but I think…” his lips pursed. “I think it’s in the right hands.”

How could he forget the angel had given away his sword.Fucking brilliant.

Crawly sniffed, and the cold seemed to creep into his nose. “M-must’a b’n-n-nice t’have a-a-achoo!”

His body must be worse than he’d thought. His entire face seemed to have exploded.

“Good lord, what was that?” The angel shuffled closer, peering at him, reaching up to poke at Crawly’s nose. “Is this supposed to make that sort of noise?”

The demon braced himself, expecting pain, expecting a reprimand, expecting anything but a soft finger gently massaging the bridge of his nose, pressing lightly as if he might break.

“S’only a-achoo!” Not again. “Achoo! A-CHOO!”

“This sounds serious!” The angel now stood so close that his arm pressed against Crawly’s. “Oh! And your hand!” He snatched it up, gently tracing his fingers across the demon’s palm. “It’s cold! Have your fires gone out?”

“Nnnnnnnnnh. S’th’cold,” he confessed. “S’getting in m’nose.”

“Well, that will not do.” Being careful to keep his wing in place, the angel looped his arms around Crawly’s waist, drawing him into an unexpected softness, a steady warmth. “There. Is this better?”

“Mrgl.” Crawly didn’t look over, even as the angel leaned against him. He shifted his am, putting it around the angel’s shoulders, rubbed his forearm as he rubbed Crawly’s side, but the demon did not look.

It was safer that way.

“Then you hold the oyster like this, and—” Aziraphale slurped it out of the shell.

“Ngk.” Crowley swirled his wine, glaring into the cup. “I…maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.”

“Nonsense! Trying new foods is one of the delights of the world.”

“Yeah, but…I prefer foods that don’t smell so bad.”

That made Aziraphale laugh, which made things harder. It seemed to echo in Crowley’s chest, send his heart into answering flutters. He shifted on the couch, but there was only so far he could roll before it was impossible to drink. Which meant he had to keep looking across the table, at Aziraphale’s couch, where he reclined in a rolling curve of soft white toga and ate his oysters and wouldn’t stop smiling.

“Crowley? Are you feeling quite well?”

“Nrgh. Yeah. Why?”

“Because I asked four times how your wine is and you never responded.”

“Oh.” He couldn’t remember, so he drank a mouthful, then immediately spat it out. Salt water and vinegar, same as any Roman wine. “Lousy.”

“That doesn’t sound good.” And all at once, the angel rolled off his couch and now he was crossing the room and oh Satan, he was on Crowley’s.

This was a disaster.

Aziraphale leaned down and rested a hand on Crowley’s forehead. “You do feel extremely warm. Are you ill? I’m not sure a demon can get ill but—”

“Yes! Yes. That.” He tried to sit up. “Very, very ill. I should go. I should go now—”

“But—”

Crowley managed to get his feet under him, and his robe under his feet, and he collapsed again, falling onto something softer than the couch Oh Satan it was Aziraphale’s lap.

“Crowley!” His head turned instinctively and shit, those eyes were so close.

His heart was going to explode, but it was worth it.

“I should…take you home…”

“Ahhhhhhhh,” Crowley managed. Yes. Please. Please, wherever you call home, that’s where I want to be.

“Yes. Right. Immediately. Tell me where you’re staying, and I will escort you back.”

“My…my…oh.” His stomach was doing something new, twisting around itself. Like when he saw the Hellhounds getting ready for a walk, but worse. “M’a’th’p’liss.”

“Pardon?”

“I’m! At! Th—thepalace.” Great. Now he was either shouting or mumbling. Why couldn’t he think?

“Good. Right. Palace.” He slid his arm behind Crowley, supporting him. “Do you think you can walk?”

The demon’s legs had never shaken like this before. “Definitely not.”

“That’s alright.” And Aziraphale scooped him up into his arms, as easily as if Crowley were a child. “I’ll help you.”

Crowley hadn’t slept in over a month.

He shouldn’t have needed to. Demons didn’t sleep. But he’d gotten used to it, most nights, and now his task consumed him day and night, driving him to ever more complex plans, ever more desperate measures.

But finally…finally…he’d gotten a bloody crowd to see that gloomy talk-y play.

And just in time. Aziraphale had sent word that he was returning tonight, and he was supposed to meet Crowley here, outside the inn. The demon had rooms above, which had been used for scheming and planning and plotting and not, for a long time, sleeping.

He was fine, though. Running on pure adrenaline, yeah, but that just made life good. He couldn’t wait to swagger into that theater, spread his arms and show the angel—

“Ah, Crowley! There you are, my good fellow.”

He turned his head and fuck, there went his knees. Aziraphale was smiling at him like he was actually glad to see Crowley, and his entire body just stopped obeying any commands or even regular rules of biology. He staggered, legs feeling watery, his head spun, lights brighter than stars flashing before his eyes, and his heart just ached to reach out.

“Crowley? Is something the matter?”

“Mnothang.” Brilliant. He slumped against the wall of the inn, trying to get some sense of reality back. “M’a little tired’s’all.”

“Tired? Are you sure?” Aziraphale rushed forward, cupping Crowley’s face in his hand. “You feel…clammy. I need—can you take your glasses off? I need to see your eyes.”

“Szfiiiine.” But he pulled them off, and found himself again pierced by eyes glowing just a bit too blue to be allowed.

“No, no your eyes are glassy. And—and look, your pulse is racing.”Now came the concerned look, oh Satan, no one else ever looked at Crowley like that. “This…this looks a great deal like the latest plague, I saw several villages struck by it coming back.”

“Angelllll. M’ademon. We don’ get th’plague.” Why could he not just speak normally?

“Nonsense, you know perfectly well you’ve always had a strange constitution, getting sick far too often. You still have rooms here, yes? Upstairs. To bed.”

Will you come with me? The angel’s hand hadn’t moved from Crowley’s cheek, and he never wanted to be away from that touch again. “But…”

“No buts.” The hand did fall away, but only to grip his shoulder, spin Crowley around and propel him forward, through the door, and up the stairs.

Aziraphale walked past the mess in his room, the papers, notes, maps, disguises, and everything else needed to convince a city it actually liked that blasted play. He steered Crowley directly to the bed, and pushed him down onto it. “There. Stay put, please.”

“Nnnnh.” It wasn’t the most comfortable place he’d ever lain, but the rough straw mattress seemed luxurious just now. Something tugged at his foot, and he looked up to find Aziraphale, carefully pulling his shoes off. “Still here?”

“What are you talking about? Where else would I be?” He sounded cross.

“The play.”

“Play? Play? Oh, yes, Hamlet.” He tossed the shoes aside and settled Crowley’s leg back onto the bed. “I’m sure I’ll have plenty of opportunities. I hear they’re planning to run it twice as long as they’d expected.”

Of course they were, Crowley was good at his job. But there was no point if Aziraphale didn’t see the crowd. “Gotta go,” he insisted, though his body was already curling up on itself, preparing for a long sleep.

“Absolutely not.” A rustle, and when Crowley’s eye cracked open again, Aziraphale was seated on the edge of the bed, taking Crowley’s hand in his. “I need to make sure you’re alright.”

“Hnnngh.” But he was far too exhausted to argue. “Why’r’ya’lways…fussing…like y’r worried…”

He didn’t hear Aziraphale’s answer, but in his dream the angel said, “Of course I worry. Whatever would I do without you?”

“All them angels,” Crowley shouted, bottle in hand, “an’specially Gabriel, can go! To! Helllllllll!”

“Really? And what about the demons already there?”

“Thas’th brilliant part.” He staggered a little, grinning at Aziraphale. Their celebration at the Ritz had gotten a little out of hand, but in a good way. A way they bloody well deserved. “Th’demons. They go to Heaven. But. But. Buuuuuuut.” He took a long drink, then offered the bottle to the angel, who shook his head. “Wha’was I…ri’ri’righ’—go to Heaven. But. Don’ tell’em th’passwords. For anyfing.”

“Won’t they just figure them out?”

“Nnnnnnnnope! Cuz allll the brains in Hell are right here!” He shouted in the general direction of the office building. “Have fun puttin’…Hastur’n charg’a…stuff…” He tried for another drink, but the wine had all gone. “Awwww.”

“Don’t worry, my dear, we’re nearly home.”

“Ya. S’good.” Home was good. Plants. Television. More wine. The bed. Hadn’t slept all week.

Why was Aziraphale coming with him? Hadn’t the shop un-burned down? Had he left something at Crowley’s flat? A…spare bowtie?

Also: why did Mayfair look suspiciously like Soho?

The penny dropped at about the time Aziraphale got the shop door unlocked. “Thizzisn’ home,” he pointed out.

“Well-spotted. Come on, then.”

Shrugging, Crowley followed. There’d be more wine here, at least, and a sofa to sleep on. Not the most comfortable, but he was tired enough.

Something was different. Crowley squinted at a pile of books, but they remained stubbornly bookish. Ah, well. Sofa.

He slumped on it, waiting for Aziraphale to head to the back room for some wine, or settle into his armchair. Maybe pick up a book to read while Crowley rambled.

Instead, the angel sat beside him.

“Annngiraphel…”

“Crowley. Are you sure you’re feeling well?”

“Course. I’m cebretory. Cerebrorrry. Celebatory. ‘M partying.”

“Yes, I know. But…I just…” Oh, Someone. The concerned, furrowed brow. The pouting lips. The eyes. So much worse than the smile. Good thing Crowley was already sitting, because the room was starting to spin, even before Aziraphale picked up his hand. “I wish you would take care of yourself.”

“Wha? I do. Allllays do. No one else’z gonna do’t. Not’n Hell. Wily demon, righ’?” He tried to smile, even as his heart and stomach started switching places.

“Then why are you always unwell? I’ve lost count of…of how many times I’ve seen you falling over, unable to speak, too hot or too cold.”

“Ssssss’not like that.”

“Yes it is! And…and it was bad enough before. Crowley, we…we’re all we have left. Each other. And…and whatever it is that…that gets you into this condition…alcohol, or illness, or…whatever else. I wish you would avoid it.”

“Can’t.”

“Crowley—” Aziraphale pulled his hand closer, eyes pleading, and for a moment the demon thought he’d just discorporate on the spot. Probably would have if he’d been sober.

“Can’t. S’only one thing tha’makes me…fall orer mysel’. Makes me…can’t speak. S’only evrrr been one.”

Aziraphale’s face was so soft. Crowley couldn’t figure out how his hand had gotten there, pressed to his cheek, but it was good.

Or not. Angel’s eyes went wide. Probably did something wrong. Crowley pulled his hand back, wondering if he’d be kicked out.

“Can you…sober up, dear?”

“Nnnnnnnnnnnnidonwanna.” He wrinkled his nose. Shoulda stopped three bottles ago.

“Yes, I know. But you’ll likely have a hangover either way, and you might as well have it now. And…I want to finish this conversation sober.” Oh, the sad eyes, the serious face.

“Awwwwwtha’s no’fair. S’not like I c’n say no.”

“I…yes, you can. It is your choice.”

“Nnnh. Can’t say no’ta’you.” He looked around for something, maybe a garbage bin or…oh, yes, a planter. Lucky tree was about to get some very expensive alcohol.

He concentrated, pulling all the alcohol out of his body, filling one planter, then another, then another. As the light-headedness faded, the headache came in, pounding and pulsing.

“Glarghl.” Crowley pressed a hand to his eye. “See? Sober. Happy?”

“Not yet. Can you walk?” A light tug on his hand, and Crowley staggered to his feet, trailing after Aziraphale. Up the stairs? They never went up there. Private bookshelves and sculptures and junk.

At the top, Aziraphale opened a door that he’d thoughtwas a closet but actually led to Crowley’s bedroom.

Wait.

Crowley turned around, bleary eyes searching the shop. Plants. His plants. His sculptures. Junk. Also his.

Back to the bedroom. His bed, his furniture. Not his room. Wooden walls covered in bookshelves, good sized window looking out at the back alley. He could just see the Bentley parked out there.

“Th’fuuuuck…”

“I’m…I’m sorry. I should have asked.” Aziraphale gently pushed him towards the bed. “If you don’t like it, I’ll put everything back tomorrow. I just.” A gentle nudge, and Crowley sat on the bed. “I want you close. Where I can take care of you.”

“Don’need it.” He wriggled his toes, making his boots vanish. It was easier than meeting Aziraphale’s eyes.

“Yes, you do.” A hand on his shoulder pushed Crowley down into the bed, his head onto the pillow

It felt so much more comfortable here, in Aziraphale’s shop, with Aziraphale beside him.

“No. Don’t need you to take care of me.” He stared resolutely up at the ceiling, searching his aching head for the words he needed. Swallowing, trying to push aside the pain, the soreness in his throat. “I need…I just need…”

He couldn’t say it. But he reached out, hand groping along the edge of the bed until it found Aziraphale’s, resting lightly on the mattress. Cautiously, Crowley slid his hand on top of it.

“Crowley…please look at me.” His eyes wandered down, following the shelves until they landed on Aziraphale’s face. On his brilliant, angelic smile.

The demon tried to smile back, though his head was pounding. He managed something like a grimace. “Nnnnnnnnh. C’n we finish this in’th’morning.”

“Do you think you’ll be better able to talk?”

“Mrrrf. Will you be there?”

“Of course,” the angel said, nearly indignant.

“Nope. Not a chance.” His thumb traced the back of Aziraphale’s hand. “I can never say what I want. S’not even that many words. But…” Crowley shrugged.

“Can you move over?” Aziraphale asked, sliding his hand out from under Crowley’s.

The demon blinked, confused, and wriggled further along the mattress.

The bed dipped under the new weight as Aziraphale climbed into the vacated space, laying beside him. “I…I could never say it, either. Always something stopping me, some…uncertainty. Even now. But I shall keep trying.” His fingers gently brushed Crowley’s cheekbone. “My dear…would you like to…to make this place…your home?”

“Nh. Shop’s not home.” The fingers jerked away, and Aziraphale’s brow furrowed, not in concern this time, in pain. Fuck. Why was it so hard?

He caught Aziraphale’s hand before it could get far, bringing it back, gently resting it against his heart. “This, Angel. This’s home. You.”

“Oh.” Blue eyes blinked, a look of wonder in them Crowley had felt many times, wonder at this being who cared for him, who stayed by him. Always. “I…I see.”

The mattress shifted again, and suddenly the angel was closer. Which of them had moved? Did it matter? Did anything matter, apart from Aziraphale’s arm across him, all the warmth and softness he could ever ask for, pulling him in, pulling him close, enveloping him as it had that first day.

“Yes. Welcome home, dear.”

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the-nysh · 2 years ago

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Genos' statement about Saitama's heroism is awfully bittersweet. I want to believe he would think otherwise if he knew that his actions after Genos died weren't motivated by heroism, but revenge and grief venting.

I hope he opens his eyes in the future, although it seems that now his opinion about Saitama is even higher than before.

Ok, I gotta say that seeing Genos say Saitama arrived and saved everyone made me both mad and sad bc NO! That’s not what happened! He DIDN’T show up in time and be serious and the collateral damage was the death of everyone. Ofc everything wasn’t entirely Saitamas fault but it sure could’ve been prevented! It just shows that Genos really is biased and fails to see that maybe Saitama could use some self reflection. I’m sure BOTH of their growth will come eventually but it just makes me sad

maaan genos is acting weird (more than usual) but like i can’t help but think the way his eyes kinda look idk “blank” is not actually himself, like his pupils are usually there, but suddenly they look hollow??? and the way he just nonchalantly accepts that he fucking died like bro what-

So....yup, been getting all these asks about Genos being Weird(tm) and unquestioningly supportive 100% in Saitama’s favor without any moral misgivings after seeing the memories, which I did cover some here, because instead of his praise sounding sweet, to me everything that came out of his mouth gave off some disturbing red flags. D: I’m rather concerned for how much this blew up his Saitama-bias into the stratosphere extremes.

(That it’s reallllly funny now when I said hell would freeze over before his faith in Saitama is ever broken, even if he were to learn what happened, but now to push it allll the way to the other extreme?? Whew, now his overbearing possession over this knowledge really feels like it’s now up to Saitama to set some boundaries before things get out of hand!!)

Because that type of blind faith fanaticism can’t bode well - it won’t do Saitama any favors to help him address his flaws or progress as a person (esp when Genos is beyond seeing him that way over a completely flawless being now~) nor is it very ‘safe’ for Genos when it could recklessly endanger him to more extremes. Esp when he fully believes Saitama’s ~perfect paragon of heroism~ will now undo everything even if Genos were to die again in the future. Whoaa there, Genos slow down! Stop. That’s getting a little unhealthy. D:

Anyway, you’ll see others discussing/theorizing the topic some more here (cause even they feel unsettled by it), but it definitely feels like it’s building to something. Soon. All I can say is that yes his heightened blind faith (and sense of entitlement/superiority/obsession) is disturbing me, so we’d best keep our eyes open for more, and Genos please be careful!

#opm #genos #manga spoilers #anonymous #replies #anyway i'm glad many others can sense how Weird his behavior feels #remember when i said how wc genos felt like he was disturbingly at risk in a way garou was not?#aha...ha...manga genos now...ONE stahp

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slothgiirl · 4 years ago

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percolating gently (noah x mc)

au in which jane marshall lives and mc and noah and jane run off to live happily ever after a family of three and also smut (if you don’t want to read that skip the section that goes “its christmas, technically”.

title from a tennessee williams quote

15k

It's the three of them in the end. Jane. Noah. And you. Just like it started. Just like it had been.

Always you caught up between the two Marshall twins; Jane’s hand in yours gripping tight and never backing down as she poured water into dirt to make mud. At nine, and never having shared Jane’s attention before, Noah had snubbed you on more than one occasion, shooting down watching Resident Evil just because you had suggested it.

It was funny how you'd befriended Noah first. Jane had a fever the week your parents moved to Westchester (to study some microbe that was super rare or some other incredibly niche nerdy thing). You'd been left to roam the neighborhood on your own as per usual, drawing trees and pets you wished for in chalk, and then Noah.

Noah.

Redfield- Jane’s let up at least a little. You're no longer stuck to that awful chair in terror but griping Noah's shoulders, your fingers clutching the fabric of his denim jacket because he can't, you won't let him take her place.

He's been through so much already.

They both had.

“Noah,” you stammer out, chilled to the bone from terror or the fact that you were in a damp and freezing underground chamber--probably both. “Noah, you can't!” You tighten your grip on him even as his frown deepens, anger clear on his features as he glares down at you.

You cut him off before he can snap at you. Looking over at Jane, no longer blazing, but hovering around, a shadow spilling into the corners of the room, eyes a cold blue without an ounce of friendliness or curiosity.

“I'm sorry,” you tell her, because this was all your fault. You should've never encouraged her. You should've saved her. You should've done more: anything but brush the memory of her away instead of dealing with the events of that summer. Denial had long been your method of choice but here Jane was. It had all been real.

You owe her this much.

And Noah-

“I promised I'd be there for you,” you think of the whistle, “I promised I'd protect you so that's what I'm going to do now,” you say even as your hands shake. “Let me take your place.”

You move to stand, but Noah doesn't budge, his head shaking as his agonized wide eyes meet yours. There's always been a sincere quality in the warmth of Noah's brown eyes that put you at ease and had you feeling like you two were the only people in the world and you could never say no to him; not now. He's a mess (just how you feel), beanie about to slide off his tangled hair, tear tracks down his cheeks. There's a pull in your chest, the painful need to throw your arms around him and hug him until the world stops being this shitty but you doubt you'd ever leave his side if you hug him now.

Noah shakes his head. “It should be me,” he utters into the eerie acoustics of the chamber, the horror of the situation audible in his voice. “It should have been me then. I can finally make things right.”

Your lip grumbles as you cry out, “don't say that,” your hand reaching up to cup his cheek, “don't you dare say that bullshit Noah-we were kids! None of this,” you look around, look at Jane, “this shouldn't have happened to anyone. And it wasn't anyone's fucking fault!”

If-when you got out of this, you were going to throw hands with Mrs. Marshall.

You used to wish she’d been your mother.

The shadow that is Jane inches closer.

Right.

It had to be you or him.

His skin was warm against your hand and you don't-you don’t think you can live in a world where Noah isn't there and he's had the shittiest time and you could've reached out but you didn't and he doesn't deserve this because he thinks he deserves this.

Noah thinks he should've died.

Fuck.

This was all so fucked up.

“It's okay,” Noah whispers softly, his hand covering yours before gently removing your hand from his cheek, removing your hold on him. “It's okay.”

“But-” you look at Jane.

You didn't know what was worse, a world without Noah in it or a world where Noah became some twisted monster the same way Jane had over the years of loneliness. No one started out a monster.

You shake your head, reaching for Noah's hand, “I promised I wasn't leaving you again.”

His eyes widen in shock, giving him that doe eyes look that sort of made you want to kiss him, as if he'd forgotten all about that moment, as if he thought he wasn't worth it but Noah deserved more than death. He should get to go to culinary school and deal with shitty customers at Baby Jane’s.

And it was too late to save the day.

If you were being honest, it was nine years too late. It was all about doing the best you could in impossible circumstances because Jane didn't deserve to spend an eternity alone and scared and a monster either.

Intertwining your fingers with his, you swallow thickly before replying in a steady voice, having made your choice the moment Noah had been willing to go find Dan alone, when he'd opened up to you at the shop and you realized all this time it hadn't just been you dealing with the repercussions of Redfield, “Together.”

You weren't going to fail Noah again.

Noah is speechless.

But Jane was always able to go with the flow. A shadowy limb ghost over both your hands, in the vein of those cheesy moments in anime when a best friend speech got everyone through a big battle.

“Allll play too g etherR.”

“Yeah,” Noah says sadly, accepting that there was no version of this ending that didn't end in tragedy. “together.”

At least this way, you could be monsters together.

“It's okay Jane,” he tells his sister, his hand squeezing yours, “we’ll take over from here.”

You wake up cold, thinking that you'd left your bedroom window open (not that you were doing much sleeping in that room after the Dan night terror) again, but you're greeted with the sight of Jane curled up asleep between you and Noah looking the same as she had at the many sleepovers you'd have at their house. You don't know if she's real or if this is a dream or if you're dead and this is just a figment of your new reality, but you don't care.

Finally, you understand the ending of Inception.

You don't want to wake them up, still exhausted yourself, but Jane keeps shivering and you can only imagine how worried your friends were. Your phone’s dead.

You couldn't stay here.

“Noah,” you whisper, the sound echoing throughout the chamber. “Noah…”

He grumbles in his sleep, but doesn't wake up.

“Noah,” you hiss.

“What,” Noah slurs, shifting as he lifts his head, jostling Jane at his side but your friend who was dead, was previously dead, continues to sleep looking like a particularly angelic little girl.

You can tell when the situation dawns on him: the twitch of his lips as his mouth settles into a frown, brows becoming drawn in thought.

It's day outside.

You're not sure which day.

Noah's phone is also dead.

Both of you stumble through the woods half asleep, Noah carrying Jane as if she was the most precious thing in the world which she was because she had been dead but now she wasn't and you were beginning to hope this was real and not a trick and that Jane was getting a shot at a normal childhood.

“We should go to my house,” you offer, keeping your voice low as to not disturb Jane who continued to sleep, no wonder Andy and Ava had been able to draw so many mustaches on her back in the day. “It's closer.”

And also you had no way of explaining how Jane had suddenly come back to life. That was something to process later. First a warm bed and sleep and then you had to let your friends know you weren't dead and figure out the whole Jane being alive with Noah. But first, sleep.

“Yeah, okay,” Noah answer’s, clearly still in shock. “Sounds good.” He says as if you two were discussing the weather and not sudden resurrection.

Then again, was this really that big of a leap considering everything that happened in the last few months?

You kick off your shoes and curl up with the Marshall twins to sleep.

“Why are you so much taller,” Jane asks once you’ve all woken up and yes, Jane’s still there, flesh and blood and the idea begins to solidify that she’s alive and well, well maybe not, you don’t know how much she remembers if at all and you still don’t know what to do with her but for now Noah’s rifling around your sparse kitchen, sending you a judgemental look at the half empty pancake box mix that expired a month ago but there’s no gross mold or anything so he uses it anyway, unwilling to leave Jane alone for a second.

Noah smiles easily, which has you smiling, “I’m not tall,” he replies to his sister, “you just shrunk.”

She frowns, nose wrinkling and you had forgotten she did that when she was upset, her nose wrinkling up as her lips turn downward. It was adorable. Then in classic Jane fashion she decides, “that’s a lie.” And sticks her nose up in the air, her fingers continuing to do whatever in your hair. It feels nice, her small fingers weaving clumsily through your thick hair, but Jane had never actually learned to braid so you’re pretty sure she’s just tangling your hair up but you wouldn’t refuse Jane anything right now.

It’s been days since the dance.

You have countless missed calls from your friends, texts getting increasingly and increasingly panicked, and nothing from either of your parents.

“Turn around,” Jane squeaks, tapping your shoulder urgently.

“Alright, alright,” you say, shifting in your seat. She’s tiny. All red hair and freckles and she hasn’t left your side since waking you up, knees in your side as she’d yelled that she was bored and wanted to play so loud it had woken Noah up.

Jane looks at you with a frown. “You’re big too.” Then her lower lip wobbles.

Shit.

Hastily, you pull her onto your lap, wrapping your arms around her.

“Why am I still small,” she whispers, looking up at you with the same wide brown eyes you were so used to.

“Uh,” you swallow thickly, trying to figure something out because maybe she didn’t remember and wasn’t that for the best? Wouldn’t that be the best case scenario? The only problem is you’re barely eighteen and not at all prepared to handle a nine year old. Had you really been this small when your parents decided to fuck off? “It’s because. . .you’re special, like Peter Pan.”

She crunches up her nose for a second, thinking. Then in her child innocence, she nods, deciding she likes the explanation. “You should’ve come with me,” Jane pats your cheek sadly, “grown ups are so boring.”

Noah wheezes, a pancake slipping off the spatula as his shoulders shake with laughter.

You hadn’t had time to talk about what had happened, what he had done, and you certainly hadn’t had time to process your feelings on any of it, but you were always glad to see him laughing.

“Someone had to take care of your dumb brother,” you reply, legs kind of going numb with her weight.

Jane nods sagely, “Noah is dumb. Because he’s a changeling.”

When you were kids, you’d both been obsessed with goblins and trolls and fairy tales. You two would dig in the dirt looking for hag stones. Sticks would double as magic wands and swords. The old fur jacket Jane liked to play dress up with was her selkie skin and you would take turns hiding it around the house.

Noah rolls his eyes. He hadn’t liked your weirdo kid games the first time around, he liked them even less now and you can’t help but grin at his expense. “You’re the redhead in the family.”

Jane blows a raspberry.

What a way to win an argument.

It’s past midnight before Jane crashes.

You’re on your third watch of frozen which had seemed like a great way to keep Jane inside the first time when you’d suggested it (kids loved that movie) and had become the worst, as Jane made you watch the movie again and again, singing “do you want to build a snowman” at the top of her lungs. That hadn’t stopped you and Noah from helping her find all the pillows in your house to build a castle with. Your living room has become a pillow castle fort.

During the second watch, Jane had dug around through your closet, before finding a blue hoodie you didn’t even remember you had and tying it around her shoulders. “You’re Anna,” she’d told you, giving you pigtails when she gave up on braids.

Now, she was asleep on the couch, drooling on her pillow.

Noah immediately turns off the TV. “You couldn’t have put on Shrek?”

You’re sitting next to him on the floor, finally giving into the urge to look at the news on your phone. You hadn’t risked it while Jane was awake. She was a nosy child.

You frown, “we need to tell the others.” Because this was really happening. Jane was alive and you didn’t know what to do with that. She needed. . .fuck-she needed school and parents and probably therapy if she remembered any of it. You were just eighteen. You had no idea what to do.

Noah’s responding frown mirrors yours. “What? Why!”

“She just came back from the dead,” you reply quietly. “She needs-fuck what are we going to tell your mom?”

His expression turns angry, brows furrowing. “Fuck her. She doesn’t deserve to know.”

“Noah,” you sigh, not wanting to argue with him because what was there to argue. His mom was a shitty parent. “Dan, Andy. . .they think we’re dead. They deserve to know after what happened. They deserve an explanation.”

He flinches.

“And besides-we’re in high school! What are we-what the hell are we going to do with her,” you say gently because you couldn’t keep her cooped up in your house. You had things like high school and maybe college if you could salvage this quarter. You didn’t have a job. “She needs parents. And school. And. . .” You throw your hand sup in the air. You had no clue what she needed. You weren’t a functioning adult. You didn’t know what kids need.

“She has me.” Noah hisses back.

You roll your eyes. “I know that-fuck Noah,” becuase he was getting angry with you when all you were trying to do was help. God, he could be so freaking dense sometimes. “She deserves a normal childhood. How the hell are we supposed to do that for her? Does she remember any of it?” You cross your arms over your chest and stare at your feet. The garish pink nail polish was still intact.

Didn’t people need birth certificates and stuff?

Lucas would know.

Lily could probably do her computer thing and help with that.

He falls silent, glaring at the blank TV screen.

Noah’s breathing is harsh and you wait patiently.

“I can drop out,” Noah finally says quietly. “Get a job. . .”

“I’m going to call Lily,” you reply. “We need groceries anyway.” Like hell were you leaving Jane for even a second. This time, you mean to keep your promise.

Jane bursts into tears when she sees all her friends grew up without her, eyes turning red as tears streamed down her eyes and she buried her face in Noah’s chest, refusing to budge. He rubs his hand comfortingly against her back, carrying her upstairs.

Even from the living room, still a mess, you can hear her sob upstairs.

“What the absolute fuck,” Lucas utters, taking a seat, resting his head in his hands.

“Explain,” Stacy urges, already unpacking the groceries you’d requested into your kitchen.

You do.

You go over the last couple of days, most of which you spent sleeping.

“I think it says a lot about how fucked our lives are that this is only like the second craziest thing to happen to us,” Andy mutters, pacing around the room. “I mean,” he says stopping near the kitchen island, “the whole town got brainwashed!”

“Does-does she remember,” Lily asks.

You shrug, “I. . .I don’t think so. Clearly she doesn’t know why we’re all older. Maybe it’ll come back to her?” You hope it doesn’t.

“So what are we going to do,” Lily says, looking around at everyone.

Dan speaks up, “Jane could have blocked out those memories. My therapist said that can happen with traumatic events.”

“That makes sense,” you find yourself saying, slumping in your seat. You think you could just finish high school at home. It’s not like your parents would know, or care. They’re not here. That way Noah can finish high school and you can look after Jane. But then what?

“Just so we’re all on the same page,” Ava asks rhetorically, “we’re just going to ignore the fact Noah tried to kill us?”

You flinch.

“Jesus fucking christ Ava,” Andy snaps, looking just as agitated as you’ve all felt for months.

“One crisis at a time,” Stacy complains, closing the cupboard door with a hard thunk, “I can only handle one crisis at a time.” Then she looks over at you, “are you-is. . .you can stay at my house if you need to.” No one suggests Noah and Jane going to their own house.

You shake your head.

At some point, you were going to hash things out with Noah, but it wasn’t exactly anger at Noah that you felt. It was hurt and the raw heart crushing betrayal. You know you hadn't been there for him when he needed you--for years-- but you thought, you wish he had just told you about Jane being Redfield.You would have helped, you would have done anything to help Noah and Jane and maybe no one would’ve needed to play are you scared at all. Fuck.

But no. You don’t feel scared at being here with him which was what Stacy was asking about. It hadn’t even crossed your mind even once.

But it feels too private to tell them that the three of you have been inseparable since the ruins. You’d spent last night curled up on the living room floor with him. But that knowledge was yours. You weren’t about to share that.

“It’s fine. I’m fine.” You don’t feel fine. “She can’t stay in Westchester can she?” Because you’re tired and want someone else to tell you what to do for once.

“Probably not,” Lucas answers tightly, still looking freaked out, eye twitching.

“It’s not a trick or anything. . .” Andy glances around.

You shake your head. Slowly, a plan forms in your head. Your parents would pay for your college, you’d apply out of state and take the Marshall twins with you. Instead of a dorm, you’d get an apartment. It could work.

Somehow.

“Have your parents called,” Dan asks gently.

“No,” you wave off. They weren’t important. Jane was.

“Have you thought about how you’re going to explain this,” Andy asks.

You wince. “Sort of. . .I don’t know.” You put your hands in your head.

It's Ava who wraps her arm around your shoulders, “we’ll figure this out.”

“Thanks.”

It's a familiar type of awful that Noah’s mom doesn’t really care that he’s spent the last six months living at your house.

With a great deal of arguing at 2 in the morning while lying next to a sleeping Jane, you’d managed to convince Noah to finish high school. And you’d promptly switched to homeschooling.

Lily had come through with Jane’s paperwork, now in your bag as your friends drop you off at the nearest regional airport.

You hold Jane’s hand, the only thing keeping her from running off as she takes the sight of the airport in. She’s thrown countless fits about being cooped up. But it was too risky for her to be seen in Westchester, a small town where everyone knew she’d died. The most you could do was your backyard.

So of course you’d made up for it by letting her pick your college.

“Someplace warm and sunny,” Jane had shouted excitedly, mind going crazy with plans as your acceptance letters came in.

Months on, it’s way less awkward even if Ava and Lucas have settled on ignoring Noah.

Andy hugs you hard. “Call when you land!”

You snort, “duh.”

Lily smiles and adds, “I might visit for spring break.”

“That would be great,” you tell her, tightening your hold on Jane as something catches her attention.

She pivots to Noah, who had the backbone of a toothpick when it came to telling Jane no which is why she keeps getting to skip brushing her teeth in the morning which was gross and she hated you for trying to chase her down, “I want that stuffed animal. If you give me that narwhal, I’ll eat my veggies.”

“You’re eating your veggies anyway,” you reply back, dragging her along.

“You won’t have to watch frozen tomorrow.” She continues, targeting her brother ruthlessly.

Noah’s already fishing his wallet out.

“That’s what you said about the hair color,” you point out, opting to carry her when she goes limp. “Don’t you dare Noah.”

Ava grins at you, amused and unhelpful.

“It’s just a toy,” he replies.

You roll your eyes.

“You two are such parents,” Andy laughs.

“I hate you,” Jane huffs. “We’re not friends anymore.”

“She told you,” Ava snorts.

Jane beams. Then reaches for Noah, who takes her from your arms without complaint.

You hug Lily one last time, and then. . .you’re going through security.

“I get the window seat,” Jane declares once you get past TSA.

“Go for it,” you tell her, belatedly realizing it’s going to be hell if it turns out she doesn’t like planes.

She nods, satisfied.

Tampa is no less humid and hot and awful a month in then it was when you first got off the plane but Jane loves it and there’s a park next to the building your living in: a tiny cramped apartment with only one room which went to Jane obviously which you and Noah had originally planned for you and Jane to share but both of you had capitulated to Jane’s demands within the day. She deserved being spoiled.

The A/C in Ikea was a godsend.

Sleeping on the floor with the bare necessities was not it and with you starting school next week, it was time to take your meager savings and get some furniture.

“Remember,” Noah says, pulling up the list on his phone. It had started with him grocery shopping since he cooked and needing to make a grocery list to Noah just taking over figuring out how to make the money your parents sent and his own contribution from his new job work. “Sofa bed. Bed for Jane. Blankets. One lamp. And a mattress.”

“Weren't you complaining about only having one pan this morning,” you ask as Jane drags you along to the first showroom, practically bouncing with energy.

Noah shrugs. “I can make it work.”

“Buying an extra pan won't kill us,” you counter. “We can just use my credit card.” And not eat out for the rest of the month, you didn't add.

“Let's play hide and seek,” Jane says with excitement. “I'll seek.”

You exchange glances with Noah.

Tomorrow you had to go sign her up at school. You had to go over the story with her again. Just to make sure you didn't all get in trouble.

Jane covers her eyes. “One. Two. . .”

You look around the tiny space, thinking of where to hide. Between school and Jane you weren't sure when you could or even if you could get a part time job. Noah was working at a diner during the evenings. You had gotten your classes early in the morning so you could be home with Jane while he worked. The problem was finding the extra free time to work.

Ugh.

Being an adult was hard.

But how much of an adult could you be when your parents were paying your tuition?

You head for the tiny bathroom which has a neat looking toothbrush holder and isn’t that something you need to buy? There were so many little things like a bath mat and towels and a dish rack that were only just occurring to you that were sort of essentials and jeez you really had one foot in adulthood. You don’t even hide behind the curtain, worried that Jane won’t find you easily and freak out and there’s weirdos everywhere. It was your job to look after her now. Not that Noah had asked for your help, but it was a given.

“Eight. . .nine. . .” Jane’s little voice carries and you’re struck by a flood of emotions that has your eyes tearing up.

Noah steps into the bathroom next to you, “we need a cutting board,” he says so seriously you can’t help but snort.

“What,” he asks, shaking his head at you.

“Nothing.”

He tilts his head.

You shrug, “just thinking. I don’t know. I don’t feel very grown up. And I took all the dumb towels my parents stockpiled for granted.”

“We should’ve raided your house,” he agrees, the corner of his lips lifting, “purge style.”

“Yeah,” you nod, “I never get why everyone jumps straight to murder. What does Ava always say? Redistribute the wealth, rob a bank.” You roll your eyes, scoffing, “murder.”

Noah snorts. “Pretty sure that’s Lucas. Ava’s more of a go straight to cutting people’s heads off.”

“Robespierre style,” you grin.

“Robes who?”

“Robespierre. From the french revolution.”

“I think that’s the class I must’ve ditched,” Noah admits.

You frown. “You could do community college,” because you had to corner him at some point. Noah was very good at avoiding subjects he didn’t want to talk about. “We could make it work. Do your G.E.’s”

Noah shrugs.

“Noah-” Because he said he wanted to go to culinary school and you get the urge to drop everything and buy a ranch in utah and live with Jane for the rest of your lives except Jane would hate that and grow up and leave and how are you going to afford spoiling her if you can’t get a decent job? Noah deserved to go for his dreams too.

None of you had to be defined by your incredibly shitty childhood.

Jane pops in, “found you!” She giggles in her Baby Yoda t-shirt and leggings, “you two are bad at this game! My turn!” Jane grabs Noah’s hand and drags him along to the next showroom that catches her eye, “remember,” she lectures you both, “no peeking,” before shooting off.

“What did you end up choosing for your major,” Noah asks, as you both fail to keep your eyes closed, looking over at the sofa section. It would be so freaking nice not to sleep on the carpet anymore.

“History,” you admit, “though I’m not sure it’ll stay like that. I don’t know exactly what I want to do after college. Or if I even like history enough to major in it. . .it just sounded fine at the time.” You had done well in APUSH. That had to mean something. But you had also liked your economics class. . .maybe you should do economics? “I really have no clue. Has it been ten seconds?”

“Probably,” Noah says with a smile, “nine, ten, coming to find you,” he calls out.

It’s a living room showroom, and yet Jane had managed to squeeze herself right behind a floor lamp and the TV stand. She’s a slip of a girl, but her red hair makes her easier to spot. Thank god.

“Let’s go pick out things for your room,” you offer, because you still have to go downstairs and find all the different pieces and then still go home and put them together. Thank god for uber. Oh shit, did this mean you had to get a car at some point? How do people buy cars?

“Okay,” Jane nods, immediately taking off, and she has you and Noah speed walking after her, on the border of a full out run. It was hard to be annoyed when you were still so happy to wake up in a world where Jane was alive and here and who cares that it took three hours to get her to stand still long enough to comb her hair and putting her to bed was a long drawn out affair of a bedtime story and a snack and needing to be tucked in and checking on all her toys and deciding she needed a glass of water next to her just in case she woke up thirsty.

It was worth it.

You liked not living alone.

You liked not being alone.

You weren't sure who was more exhausted as you finished washing the dishes. Jane was sleeping, thank god. The nice thing about Florida was it was fall and it was still warm enough to spend the evening at the park so Jane could tire herself out while you read fifty pages of your history and sociology textbook. It was what all the other moms did and you winced when Jane asked to join the soccer team that practiced at the park by your building because you didn't have the money and you could only hope she didn't ask Noah because he came home tired enough but for Jane he'd take more shifts.

There was laundry you didn't want to do and a quiz in english which was a nice class even if everyone was half asleep at 7:30 in the morning because your professor was somehow awake enough to engage and rant about short stories that thankfully weren't the same ten dead old white men you'd read in high school but actual people alive today whose english you could understand. It's night, so you don't bother drying the dishes before turning off the light. Noah had brought food which showed how tired he was. Yesterday's leftovers had saved you from attempting anything because you sucked in the kitchen as your poor microwave could attest: aluminum foil and microwaves don't mix.

Noah’s already asleep when you slide into bed next to him. You can still smell the scent of oil and grease on his skin even as you stay decidedly on your side of the bed.

It's mid september in Tampa and it's still warm and it doesn't stop you at all from curling up with a blanket.

The window panes are cracked open letting in the soft moonlight and you lay in bed, brain melted from class and reading, and look at Noah's profile and how much lighter he looked compared to a year ago. The lines around his mouth from frowning had eased; Jane teasing out a side of him that had previously shriveled up.

It's done him good to get away from his mom. To have his sister. You just wish you could do more for him.

Like he was doing for you and Jane.

You drift off to sleep. . .

“Move over,” a small voice asks, and your eyes crack open to the dark of the room and Jane a hair's breadth away with wide scared eyes, a pillow hugged to her chest. Her voice is raw, as if she'd been crying.

You move over, brain sleep addled, to make room for her.

She slips in besides you, immediately curling up in your chest the way she does when she decides she's done walking for the day: the way she runs up to Noah when he gets home from work.

“Did you have a bad dream,” you mumble, not wanting to wake up her brother.

“I don't know.” Jane admits, “I just don't want to sleep alone.”

“I thought you wanted your own room,” you tease, a little more awake now.

“I do,” she cries out loudly in the dark of the night.

You can just imagine her pouting even if you can't see her, your eyes falling shut again. “Okay. You can sleep over tonight.”

“Yay,” she whispers back. “We should draw a mustache on Noah.”

You snort, “too late. He hasn't bothered shaving in like two days.” It was a good look on him: stubble. You'd teased him ruthlessly, almost choking on your water when he'd gone pink.

Jane giggles.

“Go to sleep,” you tell her. “You have school.”

“So do you.”

“Sleep.”

“Tell me a bedtime story.”

“Jane,” you whine, rolling over away from her, because she sure wasn't going to stop. “Sleep.”

“Where the fuck are my shoes,” Noah says, as he stumbles around trying to find his things.

You should've folded the laundry last night. Instead, it was a pile on the floor, clean, but a mess. You had parent teacher conferences today, and of course you were rushing at the last minute. Between finishing a paper for sociology and ditching class because of the conference and it's not like your statistics professor took roll call, you were still in a towel, freshly showered.

“Check the hall closet. I told Jane to clean last night and I'm like one hundred percent sure she just stuffs everything in that closet. Dan's right, we're fucking her up by spoiling her too much.” You search the pile of clothes for a nice dress. Was that right for a parent teacher conference? You were 18, what did you know? Besides, you were like guardian adjacent. Not a parent.

“Okay,” Noah replies when you hear the door open and why can't you find any clean underwear, you just did laundry this is insane and you have like five minutes to leave or you will be late, “but why'd she only put away one shoe?”

“Don't goblins only steal left shoes or something,” you reply, finding clean underwear but giving up on the bra. You'd go with a blue and white plaid dress. It wasn't too revealing for school even if it was one of those back of the closet dresses you never actually wore.

You slip your underwear on under the towel as Noah reappears in jeans and a t- shirt, freshly shaved. “What if they ask too many questions?”

“They won't,” you wave off. “And if they do we can just lie.”

“You're a bad liar,” Noah teases, rifling around in the kitchen.

You toss the towel aside, trying incredibly hard to act cool and calm when you weren't anything but, as you go to pull the dress over your head. It's not like you were flashing him. You sleep next to Noah every night.

But then why did you feel so flustered right then. “Am not!” You squawk indignantly, turning over to look at him as your dress goes over your head and your boobs are no longer hanging out for the world to see (there was a point to curtains after all).

Noah goes bright pink when he realizes your half naked in the living room, as if he hasn't slept next to you for close to a year now but then again, you used to sleep in an old shirt and underwear and now you've got matching pjs because Noah and yeah you should probably do something about that like you had wanted to since the party ages ago now but there had been Redfield and Noah admitting he was in a terrible headspace and it wasn't the time and now. . .you brush the thought aside for now. You roll your eyes (because your cool and calm even if your heart’s beating erratically) and grab your purse, before joking, “so are you going to get a haircut or are you going to do the man bun thing.”

Noah groans, “Jane told me I looked like homeless dog.”

“Ouch,” You laugh, “when she say that?”

“She woke me up again last night but I got her to go to her bed this time.” He admits as you walk to Jane’s school.

“Again?” Fuck maybe she was having nightmares after all. “It has to be nightmares, but. . .” you trail off.

“I don't know,” Noah shrugs, “she says she doesn't remember. Just wakes up. But like why else would she keep waking up if it's not nightmares,” he frowns.

“Do you think they could be,” you purse your lips before continuing not wanting to be the one to bring it up but you sort of had too, “you think it's redfield related.”

“I really don't know,” he says, looking over at you with a sad smile.

Smiling softly, you squeeze his hand as you wait for the white pedestrian sign, “hey, she's got us. She'll be fine.”

Which makes you think about how Andy was right. You were such a mom. Had you mom-zoned yourself? That was good, you'd have to text that to Andy later.

Then you sigh, realizing that if you had a nightmare back then, your parents wouldn't have even been home for you to wake up. There had been weeks spent at Pine Springs and driving over to some niche science conference in Rochester or over to New Haven for a lecture.

“What,” Noah asks, intertwining your fingers with his as you cross the street.

“Just realizing how shitty my parents were,” you offer with a sad smile. What could you do about it now? You'd grown up.

“Just now,” Noah quips with a smirk.

You roll your eyes, “shut up.”

Jane’s teacher, an older black woman who's style leans close to Lily's own preppy academic choices, looks at you both skeptically. “You’re here for Jane Marshall's conference?”

Both you and Noah nod.

She doesn't look reassured.

You bump Noah's knee with yours, hoping he'll say something to clear things up. Neither of you looked old enough to be her parents. You had a serious case of baby face.

“Uh,” he says, still an eighteen year old who's spent most of his life bowing down to teachers authority. You understood, still feeling strange going to the bathroom during lecture without asking for permission. “I'm Jane’s brother.”

You nudge him again when it's clear he's done taking.

“Noah,” he manages.

You roll your eyes. “We’re her guardians,” you had gone over the story hundreds of times, “their parents passed,” you look down at you lap trying to look sad, “a few months ago.”

“Oh,” Jane’s teacher, Miss Sanders, says sympathetically. “I'm sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah well,” Noah trails off.

“Well Jane is a very outgoing girl,” Miss Sanders says, launching into her talk, “she's made lots of friends though sometimes getting her to be quiet during class time can be a challenge. She's at her grade level for reading and math. She does need more practice with writing longer sentences and,” she shuffles papers around, flipping through a red folder, before taking out some childish drawings. “These had me worried but in light of the loss she is going through, I think it's understandable.”

Each drawing is a variation of a theme: huge black blobs make up most of the page, with occasional stick drawings differentiated by hair color. Jane is obviously the girl with the red hair and triangle body. Redfield, she remembered something then.

Could it be subconscious?

You feel the blood leave your face as you look over at Noah. He looks just as shaken as you.

“It's normal for children going through the loss of a loved one, especially parents,” Miss Sanders tries, “to work through it in drawing and writing. But we could always let her talk to the school psychologist. Mrs. Hernandez is a wonderful child therapist.”

“Do you think it would help,” you ask, wondering if it was a good idea when Jane’s actual problem was of the supernatural variety. Maybe they would just assume that was her imagination, or her way of explaining away a loss.

“It couldn't hurt.”

You look over at Noah, slipping your hand into his, giving him an encouraging squeeze in his palm. It was his sister. It should be his call.

He pulls his hand out of yours, straightening up in the chair. “Yeah. That could be good.”

“Okay. I'll let Mrs. Hernandez know. That and make sure Jane’s reading books for AR. Her goal this year should 40 points if she wants to be part of the end of the year celebration.”

“I'll figure out where the library is,” you nod, “I'm sure she can find books while I study.”

“Sounds perfect. Any other questions.”

You look at Noah who shakes his head. He was starting to need a haircut. Even if you did like the way he looked with his hair loose.

“Alright then. It was lovely to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Marshall.”

“Oh,” heat builds up in your cheeks.

“We're not-”

“I'm not-,” you stammer, “I'm just a family friend.”

“Oh,” Miss Sander says, “I'm-sorry for assuming.”

“It's fine,” you manage, starting to leave. “Thank you. It was good to meet you.” You shake her hand, wanting to die inside.

“Nice to meet you as well,” she shakes Noah's hand and then you can finally leave.

You both hurry out the classroom, out the school.

“So that was,” Noah says, raising a brow.

“awful,” you finish. “But there were no red flags and we got free therapy out of it.”

Noah laughs, “I think we probably all need some therapy.”

“Rewatching arrested development isn't cutting it anymore,” you grin.

“I do feel like Gob most days.”

“Good,” you laugh.

“Really?”

“I don't trust people who identify with Michael. No self awareness.”

Noah laughs, “they are all horrible people.” His face becomes drawn, as he tucks loose strands of hair behind his ears. “How much do you think she remembers?”

You shrug, placing your hand on his arm. “I think it's probably bits and pieces. She did spend years and...she doesn't have nightmares? That's a good sign right? It's been months, she's not some creepy horror movie child?”

“Of course not,” he nods, looking down at you, with a frown. “She's fine. Jane's good.”

You smile shakily. “We're doing amazing. And she's happy if she hasn't stopped watching disney vlogs. No clue how we're going to swing that one if she asks.”

Noah matches you’re unsure smile, “take her to those rich people parks and call it disney.”

You snort. “It's Jane. That won't fool her.”

“It's Florida. We can just go to the beach.” He says with a shrug. “It'll be just as good.”

“Aren't there alligators though?”

Noah laughs at your expense. “Those are in the lakes and rivers.”

“Shut up. Want to go for pizza before you go to work?”

“Let's go get Indian food actually. There's this place I've been meaning to try but Jane’s-”

“Picky as fuck,” you say pointedly. “Like you used to be.”

Noah blushes. “Okay so my mom just cooked like kraft mac and cheese. That wasn't my fault.”

“And those pizza bites! I loved those,” you add, thinking back on all the sleepovers at their house as a kid. “I think when Jane came over was the only time I'd get to use peanut butter.” Your parents weren't around, but your nanny was philippina, you ate spice before kids discovered hot cheetos were delicious.

He snorts, running a hand through his hair. “We should probably get a car at some point.”

“Face it bro, we're broke. I keep wanting to tell you to get a haircut but we're broke.”

Noah raises a brow. “Fuck off. I look like post-Beatles George Harrison.”

“You wish you looked like George Harrison,” you tease.

The food was amazing. Lunch indian buffets were where it was at. And since you don't have a class right after, you offer to walk Noah to work, “I've got to walk off the food baby,” you tell him, before you head back to pick Jane up.

Noah laughs, “The malai kofta was just too good.”

“I should've stopped at three plates but buffets always make me think it's a food contest,” you admit. “My nanny would take me to this seafood buffet with her family around lunar new year and we’d spend all day there to try and eat our money's worth.” It had been your favorite holiday as a child, after your parents had decided you were old enough to be left behind, only a handful of years after they decided you were old enough to bring along with them, and you hadn't seen them even at christmas.

“Damn,” Noah says with an easy smile, “at least I had good times with my parents.” His smile is so fragile. That just means it hurt him more when things fell apart.

“I had nice times too. . .with your family.”

Noah cackles.

You cross the street to the diner he works at next to a retirement complex with what you think are the best waterfront views next to the hotels you can't afford.

It's strange.

Your entire life, Noah has been this huge part of it and you've always lived in a tiny town so you knew everyone he did and knew what he got up to just by living near him in a town of like 500 people or what felt like such a small amount, your elementary school only had one class for each grade but now you hug Noah goodbye even though he always tenses against you, as though he's unused to the physical affection and that just makes you hold him tighter, then he's heading inside and greeting people you probably will never know and he's having this whole part of his life your not a part of and one day he's going to go on and live his life without you and it hurts: watching him laugh with some waitress that's tall blonde and beautiful in a way you've never been.

It hurts but you suck it up and go pick Jane up from school.

“Don’t worry,” your friend says, holding your hand once she realizes you've been standing at the water's edge. It's warmer than you'd imagined as it laps at your bare feet.

Jane has not stopped smiling since you'd bought her a bathing suit at Target: a pink one piece with sloths. You'd been more nervous, not knowing how to swim. You also felt every single bite of pasta you'd had last night in your black bikini.

Damn Noah for being so good at cooking.

“I've got you,” Jane says, leading you out further into the water, over to where Noah's out, up to his waist and you're pretty see it's deeper than Jane is taller, but if Jane can do it-a wave, a massive looking wave comes crashing towards you both.

You don't hesitate to run away.

Noah points and laughs.

You flip him off once the wave passes, leaving your hair wet.

Jane grins. “It's okay. I won't let you drown.” She pulls you back out again, a perfectly happy water baby. She always had been fearless. And unlike you, as the water deepens, she starts to swim alongside you.

“See,” she laughs, “it's easy.” Then she pops down under.

You make it to Noah, figuring the water wasn't that crazy. No tsunami like waves to pull you out to sea and drown you.

Jane comes up for air, “I'm Jaws,” she yells at Noah, tackling his side.

“Ooof,” he says, exaggerating, “oh no, a shark, I'm. . .dead dying. . .”

Jane giggles.

“Do not,” you warn her. “I'm barely here as is.”

Noah rolls his eyes and you have a feeling there about to roast you: both of them.

“It's just a little water,” he teases.

“It's not even that deep,” Jane adds. “It's the beach!” She pops back down under the water as another wave rolls towards you.

“Fuck,” you mutter, tensing, as the wave soaks what's left of your dry hair, splashing salty water into your mouth.

Jane pops her head back up, strawberry hair plastered to her head, smiling so wide. It's November and it's still warm enough to go to the beach. Even the rain here isn't cold that way it was back home.

The world was so much bigger than Westchester.

Noah reaches his hand out to yours. You take it easily, stepping closer to him, pushing your wet hair out of your face.

He had the right idea, now looking more like the fifth beatle than a shaggy haired hippie. Less to deal with at the beach.

“You okay,” he smirks.

“Shut up. I can't swim. You know that.” You'd complained about it a hundred times as they both forced you off the pile of towels where you had planned to read through your notes. Studying, it was gross.

“You're,” Noah rolls his eyes, “it's like three feet. You're not going to drown.”

“What if,” you counter, “I trip and swallow water and drown.”

“That's not going to happen. What you can't stand up?”

“Don't,” you warn.

He smirks, “it's because you're short.”

“Asshole,” you say, smacking his bare chest. Nothing you haven't seen, you tell yourself. Act normal, you reminded yourself.

“It is!” Noah crouches down a couple inches to your height.

You roll your eyes-

-and laugh when Jane launches herself onto her brother's back.

“I'm an orca!”

Noah lets go of your hand to regain his balance. “Wow there shamu.”

Jane frowns. “Sea world is evil. Ava and I watched Blackfish.”

You vaguely remember some orca documentary that you had mostly slept through. Taking care of Jane was hard and you had fallen asleep in those early weeks whenever you got the chance.

“No seaworld then,” you shrug.

“But I do wanna go to Disneyworld. I wanna go on the star wars ride!”

“You don't even watch Star Wars,” Noah points out.

“I would if we went to Disneyworld. My birthday is coming up.”

“No it's not,” you frown. They were April babies.

“I think you mean my birthday,” Noah says playfully.”

“I was born first,” Jane yells.

“So, I'm taller.”

You roll your eyes, sinking down to your neck. The water was nice. “You better throw yourself into the water if I start drowning,” you warn Noah.

“Yeah yeah,” he says with a soft smile, “I'm not going to let you drown.”

Jane nods in agreement, “I'll kick him if he does.”

You laugh, happy to spend the days with the Marshall twins.

Bells don't ring, but the whole class knows when class is over, shoving their papers away into bags as soon as there's a minute left.

You leave English happily enough. It was a fun class, with plenty of movies and conversation that you were able to make friends in, unlike other lecture heavy classes where you had five minutes before class to talk during.

Sasha and Kevin both walk with you out of the lecture hall. “Have you started studying for the midterm,” Sasha asks, “I really don't want to write two in class essays. Multiple choice is where it's at.”

“I'd rather have an in class essay,” Kevin says, “and Professor Laux said it's just one. But he'd give us two prompts.”

You wrinkle your nose. “I love english I just hate the writing part. Or rather the long essays.”

“At least your not a computer science major,” Sasha counters, “physics is so much worse.”

“Not as bad as o chem.”

“O chem is not that bad,” Sasha counters.

You shrug, “art history major,” you grin smugly.

Kevin shakes his head, “just wait until you have to find a job.”

“Grad school. Both my parents love that shit. They'd help me pay for it.” They both had Ph.Ds.

“I wish my parents helped me pay for school,” Sasha complains again, “they are such hard asses about school but they want me to pay for everything, and live at home-can you imagine how many house parties I've missed to work at the movie theater.”

“Speaking of house parties,” Kevin pushes his glasses up his broad nose, “we're throwing this pre thanksgiving bash at my place. Beer. Snacks. Weed.”

“Shouldn't you be studying for midterms,” you ask, shaking your head. You also hadn't figured out what you were doing for the holiday. You had Jane and Noah now. It had to be special.

“Pfft. I will,” Kevin says. “You're only twenty once am I right?”

Sasha shakes her head. “Okay. But I'm stealing some weed.”

“You in?” They both look at you.

Noah's off Monday and Wednesday, when you get out too late to go pick up Jane. You can't leave her by herself, not that you would want to. You were looking forward to going to waste time at the mall and buy snacks at target: your usual Friday night.

You shake your head, “Can't. I've got Jane on the weekends. Babysitters are expensive.”

“Just tell your parents to look after your sister,” Kevin says petulantly.

You hadn't really explained things. It was complicated. Redfield had really messed up your life. Jane should be your age and going to house parties with you. But you'd have her alive in any shape or form so long as you got to see her. “Umm, actually,” you decide to explain a little, the practiced version, “her parents died a few months ago. They were-they were really close family friends and practically raised me so,” you trail off, thinking about how exactly to explain Noah. He was your best friend, a childhood friend, and. . .that was it.

“Oh shit, I'm sorry.”

“Yeah-”

“Well, if you're even able to figure it out,” Kevin says, “hit me up.”

You wave them goodbye and rush to your next class.

Noah's hair is still damp as he lays down on his side of the bed.

You were still going over your art history notes, wanting to go over the dates of the list of paintings you'd have to identify on tomorrow's quiz. The names were easy since styles even within art movements varied so much. It was a little harder in regulated art worlds: the buddhists of southeast asia didn't go outside their geometric ratios.

“You've been studying all day,” Noah says with a yawn. He no longer smelled like burnt oil.

“Yeah, I have a quiz.” You're sitting cross legged on your side of the bed. “It's on art identification.”

“That's what googles for,” he snarks back.

It was past midnight. Jane had been asleep for three hours.

“Smart ass.” You shut your notebook. The numbers had started swimming in your eyes a while ago. Nothing more was going to stick in your brain.

You turn off the light on your side.

“You're the smart one,” Noah laughs, “I'm just an asshole.”

“Oh,” you smile in the dark, highly aware of his body laying next to you, carefully keeping your leg from brushing against his skin. “You're self aware too!”

“Dick.”

“Takes one to know one.”

You lay in silence, listening to the sounds outside your windows, the cars passing by even at this hour, Noah breathing next to you. It was soothing, having people you loved with you. It wasn't lonely being home all the time.

Noah shifts onto his side: facing you.

You stare up at the ceiling, black from the curtains pulled right even as the window let the breeze in. It had been raining the past few days, but the cold days don't hold a candle to Westchester this time of year.

“Thank you.”

“For what,” you ask, smiling freely.

“What do you mean,” he pitches his voice higher, “for what? For everything.”

You giggle. “I haven't done much.”

Noah's tone is dead serious the next time he speaks. “You didn't have to help . . .with Jane. I don't know how I would've made it work without you, so yeah. Thank you. I didn't even ask-I wouldn't have asked you to give up college and partying-”

You have to stop him right there. “I didn't give shit up Noah.” He could be so dumb sometimes. If he had just told you Jane was Redfield, you would've helped him from day one to save her. But there was no point in bringing that up: just more salt in the wound. “And you didn't have to ask me: I wasn't just going to let you flounder alone. I wanted to-I wanted to be with you and Jane. That was never a question.” Heat flares up in the skin of your cheeks and nose as you smile, before you turn onto your side, looking over at Noah in the dark.

You can't really see him at all.

Thank fuck.

It's bad enough that you feel so flustered you might explode from the emotions swirling about in your chest. You don't know what to do about Noah, about your feelings for him.

Months ago, you would've just bitten the bullet and kissed him, but he'd also opened up about not feeling ready at all about relationships and you will not fuck things up for either of you. It had been easy with Connor when all the lights were green as he was clearly into you and responded right back.

It had been light and a way to not think about the terror of your day to day life for a few moments.

But it wasn't Connor you thought about so much your skin got all hot as you looked out the window during lecture.

You swallow thickly, squashing those feelings into some back corner of your mind.

“Thank you though, I don't know what I would have done without you.”

“Don't be dumb. It's getting rid of me that'll be hard.” You could admit now, “Now that I know what it's like to have people in the house to kill spiders, I'm never leaving,” you felt lonely in your childhood house all through high school.

“I don't think Jane would let you leave.” Noah laughs.

“True,” you sigh. “it's nice not to come home to an empty house.”

“Our childhoods were so messed up,” he replies softly.

“It's like the gift that never stops giving. But hey, who cares. I have you two and my parents monthly deposits-and FAFSA!” You laugh, because what else could you do, wallow in self deprecating angst like Noah? You weren't sure you could beat him at his own game. “As far as I'm concerned, you're my family now. . .both of you.”

“When did you become a walking talking greeting card?”

“Asshole.”

Noah laughs.

It's a sound you love. For so long, it had been so rare. It warms you up, blots out all the horrible shit you've gone through and makes everything okay.

You fall asleep smiling.

Sasha settles in your ikea bland table with her bag full of notebooks and textbooks. “I wish I had my own place.”

Next week was finals.

Next week was going to kick your ass.

Matthew looks up from his calculus solutions manual for the first time in an hour, “it really depends on the roommates, mine eat all my snacks.”

“Hide them in your room,” you suggest, opening your computer up to the study guide the TA had sent out last week. “With your underwear or something.”

Jane giggles as she watches spongebob on the TV. Fourth graders had it easy. The upcoming winter break meant Jane was practically doing arts and crafts all week.

You open up a notebook to a fresh page as you write down all the key items from the study guide, underlining key items. You wanted to knock the art essays out of the park. It wasn't as easy to bullshit those as it was to make up themes for an english paper.

Fuck, you were already pretty much done with a semester at college.

Jane had almost been back for over a year.

“Can I see your midterm,” Sasha asks, “I want to see what comments you got.”

You fish it out from your binder. “Go for it.”

Matthew looks up from his pages worth of calculus, “I hate math. I should've just done an anthropology major.”

“Sucks to be an overachiever,” you snark, annotating your notes with a pink gel pen. You had never cared to study much in high school, but a major you actually cared for made all the difference in the world. You wanted museums and van goghs and the asmr of cleaning paintings like in youtube videos.

“I didn't think double majoring would be like this,” Matthew sighs. “I haven't slept in three years.”

Sasha shakes her head, “just go for the one you like the most.”

“So I can be unemployed with tons of student debt?”

“Or get that grant money,” you wiggle your eyebrows. It was what your parents were up to.

“That would mean a PhD,” he complains, but doesn't look completely turned off by the idea. “And I could put off figuring my life out for another four years. . .”

Sasha laughs, flipping through flash cards with a bunch of arrows and equations written on them. Physics.

Intro to Biology was so much easier. You practically only had to remember high school biology and read through the study guide a few times. You could remember the difference between eukaryotic cells and prokaryotic cells.

Sasha suggests ordering Pizza hut as Jane starts asking for food and you feel like yeah, a study break sounds good.

“Four hours is the max people can concentrate for,” Matthew says, as he eats a third slice of pizza.

“So we're done for the day,” Sasha asks, getting up to stretch, and joining Jane on the couch. She'd been an angel, sort of, content to just watch tv all afternoon as you studied. Sure, she'd raised the volumes to movie theater standards every half an hour, but other than that-an angel.

“If you're good for the day.” You were nervous. You didn't want to be a C student anymore. You wanted to try. Surely you had inherited some of your parents brain cells.

“I am,” Sasha admits. “I've been studying every day for four hours. My brain has melted.”

“Honestly,” Matthew says, “I just started studying. The semester seemed so long.”

“Same though bro,” You grin. “All the tests and quizzes went right out of my mind as soon as I was done.”

Sasha shakes her head. “Well, I'm taking a slice for the road. See you around.” She leaves.

Jane joins you and Matthew at the table, licking the pizza grease off her fingers. “I like Noah's pizza better.”

You wince. A cook you were not. “Well, he's working.”

“I know.”

“Noah?” Matthew says, clearly a question.

“My brother,” Jane says flippantly. “They sleep together.”

You're face burns; you want the earth to swallow you whole right then and there. “We live together,” you explain to Matthew who looks more confused. “Jane go watch TV.”

She sends an annoyed look at you, before running off.

“Noah's her brother. They're family friends-” you explain lamely.

“You don't have to explain anything to me,” Matthew says sweetly. “It's your business.”

“Yeah,” you push your hair behind your ears, feeling out of whack. Matthew was cute, but it wasn't like you wanted to jump his bones. He made sociology bearable. “Can you look over my paper? I'm still not sure I got the sources incorporated right-”

“Yeah. Sure. I didn't know sociology 101 would include writing research papers.”

“Everything was going good until I remembered we had that paper due,” Matthew agrees.

You study for another hour, mostly giving each other feedback on your research paper. “It would've helped if he'd given us examples,” you mutter.

“Right.”

Jane tugs on your arm. “Come play with me,” ignoring your classmate entirely.

“Yeah. Sure,” you smile tiredly. You were at your study limit. “Want to call it a night,” you ask Matthew who nods and grabs his things.

Jane scrutinizes him the entire time. She puts her hands on top of the empty pizza box.

“I don't like him,” she pouts, “He's boring. Who studies?”

“Boring college students,” you laugh. “He's fine. We have sociology together. We're also taking english literature pre 1800s together next semester. It was that or latin literature which sounds really pretentious.”

Jane giggles. “Let's play uno!”

“Okay, but just one game. You still have to take a shower before bed.”

“I don't want to take a shower,” Jane protests, “I want to be a horrible reeking troll! Rawr!” She chases you around the living room.

You burst out laughing, letting her tackle you to the floor. It was easy to forget how stressed out you were about finals when you had Jane.

You take deep breaths as you scramble to find your sneakers. It got cold in lecture halls.

Noah makes coffee, “you're going to do fine.”

“I'm going to fail and flunk out of university and my parents are going to hate me forever and i'll never get a job and take Jane to disney world,” you groan, slumping at the counter with a hand on your forehead. You should've studied all night. Why had you bothered going to sleep?

Noah pours you a tumbler full of coffee, with the hazelnut creamer that basically turned the coffee into a hot chocolate, “you've been studying all week. You might not be Lucas levels of 110% on a rest but you're going to do great. I know it,” he says with a genuine smile.

You blush. “I hope all the studying has worked. I've never tried this hard in school.”

“Yeah,” Noah nods with a soft smile. “High school sucked.”

“It did.” You take a sip of your coffee, hoping to steady your nerves.

He looks good in the morning light, before it's too hot to exist. Winter in florida meant temperatures in the low 70s, laughably temperate. Noah's wearing the same boxers he'd gone to sleep in, with a soft worn in grey t-shirt, and a serious case of bed head as his hair curls around his ears in the most adorable mop top.

If you didn't have finals to head to, this would be the perfect morning.

“You're going to do amazing sweetie,” Noah chuckles in the dickish way of his.

You snort, shaking your head. “Fuck yeah I will.”

“That's the spirit.”

You shove your feet into your beat up vans, grab your backpack. “See you later,” you smile at Noah.

“Yeah, good luck,” he says, putting his mug of coffee down on the counter and leaning down. One second he's smiling down at you, and in the next one he's pressing his lips against yours.

Holy fuck.

Your eyes widen.

Was this really happening, or were you just that tired.

“Shit,” Noah stammers, pulling away quickly. “I-”

You raise a brow, “What-”

“It was an accident. Sorry.” Noah steps back, running a hand through his hair, pink up to the tips of his ears.

You feel a bit like a deflated balloon. “What even was that?” Because what it seemed like was like he'd kissed you but-how do you accidentally kiss someone. No-this was way too much for you to dea with at the moment.

“I just-nothing. Just forget it,” Noah says. “I'm going back to sleep.”

“See you later,” you try, feeling all messed up. Had he wanted to kiss you? Was this you messing up for the both of you?

You wish you could call Lily right now, but you had a final to get to.

It's Christmas day, technically.

Jane's been asleep for hours and Noah's taking a bite out of the cookies laid out for Santa as you watch it's a wonderful life trying to puzzle out how this was a Christmas classic. It was boring.

Things had been so awkward with Noah as of late, as you both danced around the kiss, that you had let Jane talk you into a sleepover in her room almost every night. There was no way you could lay there next to Noah and not think yourself to death. Absolutely no way.

You had wrapped up her gifts in baby yoda christmas themed wrapping paper: an assortment of more clothes because Jane really didn't have much considering she had basically popped into life a year ago, random books you remembered liking in elementary and middle school, and toys that you had definitely splurged on including a two hundred dollar set of legos that you looked forward to building with her. It had been hard to keep it secret from her when you all spent the majority of your time together. Stacey had sent a big care package for all of you. Lily had sent gifts through the post office. Lucas’ contribution was a few amazon packages.

All your friends had sent something.

It was touching, considering the distance. You couldn't wait to see them again-Ava wanted to visit in the summer.

You flip the channel, deciding Full House reruns were better.

“Not Full House,” Noah groans, turning the kitchen light off.

“Let me guess. You're a Die Hard fan?”

“Best christmas movie,” he grins.

You shake your head. He could be such a guy. And just like that, the tension between you two dissipates. “No way. The Grinch is the best. The 2001 one anyway.”

You click the side table lamp off.

Noah sits down next to you as you flick through the channels, trying to find something to watch. “Bob's burgers?”

“Sounds good.”

It's dark. The volume’s on low. You're all curled up in bed, and Noah's not being weird-it helps that you're trying to be chill about it.

“How did your finals go?”

“Well I didn't flunk out,” you shrug. “I got a C in sociology but a B in everything else.” It was fine. It's not like you were a sociology major.

“I told you you'd do good.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, laying down entirely, ignoring the tv. “I just figured all the studying would...I don't know, mean I'd get straight As?”

“It's college-isn't it supposed to be like super hard or whatever,” Noah says with a shrug.

“I guess.” You just wished you were that kind of student. Even seeing how hard the effort was on Lucas’ mental health, maybe your parents might visit if you did get straight As. It was dumb. “I just figured my parents might pay attention if I did get all As.”

“Fuck your parents,” he says easily.

You snort. “Shut up. They pay like half the rent.”

“The least they could do.”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “Did you ever want to go to college? You know like when we had to write colleges letters in fifth grade, or was it sixth?”

“Naw. School was never my thing,” Noah says in the quiet of the night.

You smile softly, tilting your head so you're looking at him, the moonlight illuminating the angles of his jaw as it poured in through the windows. “Then it was always culinary school for you?”

He shrugs. “Yeah-I mean,” he closes his eyes, thinking silently. “I'm a little too dumb for school. I could never get the whole trig thing or what Shakespeare was saying let alone the subtext.”

You sit up. “Shut up,” you state, slapping his bicep lightly. “Don't say that shit.”

“It's true.”

You shift, closer to his side of the bed, closer to him still lying there staring up at the ceiling, not meeting your searching gaze. “You're not dumb. Noah-you are not dumb. You're so fucking smart-who remembered to buy toilet paper and figured out how to rent an apartment?”

“You can google that shit,” he says, covering his face with his hand, embarrassed.

“And cooking takes skill. Maybe it's not mensa harvard type smarts, but it's not nothing!” You just wanted him to see himself the way you did. You're sitting up on your knees now, as his expressive wide eyes meet yours, a dark romantic brown you could drown in, staring down at him. “Say it! Say you're smart and clever and amazing!”

“I'm not saying that,” he laughs off.

“Say, I'm fucking smart and I can do anything,” you repeat, nudging his chest.

Noah smiles and it does all sorts of things to you, makes your pulse race as heat winds its way all hot under your skin, all hot and bothered and feeling giddy like a dumbass and you never meet someone who felt like home the way it is with Noah. “I'm fucking smart,” he says quietly, rolling his eyes, “and I can do anything.”

“We're going to have to work on that,” you laugh, belatedly realizing you're almost on top of him. Well, you are on top of him, you're knees are by his waist, but you're leaning over him and fuck you want him. The way he's laying there under you, looking like the sun shines out of your ass, it's thrilling.

“We will,” Noah says, wiggling his brows in a way that has you laughing into his chest.

Then you're looking up at him, unable to catch your breath, because you can't stop laughing and it's not like you're particularly comedic but-fuck it, you lean up and kiss him. It's what you've been itching to do since the party at-fuck, you don't even remember, but you remember finding him there and realizing he's what you had been missing, the reason you didn't feel like being there until you sat by the pool with him.

He's Noah and you're you and there's not a version of you that doesn't love him to bits; there's not a version of you that doesn't go with him to face the monster and rescue Dan and would give your life for him and Jane. Always. Because he's Noah-

You lean down and kiss him, trying to communicate the depth of this feeling.

It wasn't some crush.

Or some drunken affair at a house party.

You kiss his lips with a dizzying fever that burns hot under your skin as desire builds in the pit of your stomach: a bundle of nerves sparking to life. And he kisses you back, his hand cupping your cheek. His thumb rubbing circles into your skin.

You tremble under his gentle touch, afraid that this too would disappear in your hands. You were so used to losing: to getting nothing.

Noah stares up wide eyed at you when you pull away.

You bite your bottom lip.

“I-,” he stutters.

“I've really been wanting to do that for a long time,” you confess.

“Me too.”

You swallow thickly at his confession. “Then it wasn't...it wasn't an accident,” you ask carefully.

Noah shakes his head once. “No. That-I just, I didn't want to mess up something good just because I wanted something more.” He looks so heartbroken in that second-

“Noah,” you sigh gently. “I was surprised and thinking about school but I've-I would've kissed you then if my head hadn't been so far up my own ass.”

He snorts, the line of his shoulders relaxing under your hands. “After what happened- I was lucky that you even wanted to talk to me at all. I didn't think you'd want anything to do with me and then I thought it was just for Jane,” Noah admits painfully.

“I've always loved you.” You tell him. “And I'm going to keep telling you until it gets through that thick skull of yours.”

Noah chuckles.

“So are we on the same page?”

He rakishly raises a brow with a shit eating grin on his lips, “I don't know, are you gonna kiss me again?”

You vow to wipe that look off his face as you do more than press your lips hungrily against his, your hands against his chest as you shift once more, situating yourself and getting comfortable straddling his waist with your legs. You press hard kisses to his mouth as Noah kisses you back with the same fervor; you nibble on his bottom lip, bringing it between your teeth.

It's an exercise in breathlessness, a mexican stand-off in which both sides are ready and happy to pull the trigger because of the rush of blood to your head as you taste him on your lips. It's intoxicating the way in which he kisses your mouth and you forget the need to breathe.

But you, smiling against the skin of his jaw as you catch your breath. His chest rises and falls under your hands as he laughs giddily, feeling as crazy as you do.

It's not that epic romeo and juliet love that burns and destroys, but the fullness in your heart as you lay there with him.

You plant kisses down his jaw, savoring the hitches in his breath as you nip on the skin at the crook of his neck. “Is this okay,” you ask wickedly.

“Fuck,” Noah utters, voice breaking as he sucks in air. “Yeah-”

He cups your cheek with his hand and leads you up, brings you back where he can kiss you again. Noah kisses you-he lets himself kiss you. His tongue experimentally whetting against your all too willing lips before your mouth opens up to him and it's clear in the clumsy way he's eager to explore your mouth--the boy has no idea what he's doing.

It's fine.

You smile against his mouth, taking charge and running your tongue against his. Reaching for his free hand and guiding it, inviting him to explore the shape of your body in an oversized t-shirt and tiny booty shorts that you wouldn't even take the trash out in.

Noah does, clasping your hips with his hand as you binch up the fabric of his shirt in your hands as you lose yourself in kissing him, in drinking him in like a comfort series you could endlessly rewatch.

You're both breathless, as you lay your head down on his chest, content.

“That was,” Noah says all out of sorts, “wow.”

“Guess you're going to be the next great american writer,” you tease.

He rolls his eyes, running his hand up your side.

“Hey,” you continue, relaxing into his touch, “Hemingway was a man of few words.”

“Was he the alcoholic one?”

“I think a lot of writers were,” you admit. “I tried to read his whale book but it was boring as fuck.”

“Moby Dick,” Noah says thoughtfully, “did Hemingway write Moby Dick?”

“Who cares,” you reply, pressing a kiss against the edge of his lips, fine with spending the wee hours of the morning making out with Noah.

“Well now I want to know.”

“Really,” you tease, bringing your hand up, running your fingers through his soft hair.

His eyes close. Noah leans into your touch. “I'll google it later.”

You giggle.

Then he’s kissing you again and you could care less about books and long dead writers. Noah captures your lips with his and you intertwine your fingers in his hair, a hand on his chest, wondering what it would feel like to have his bare skin against yours and caught between the enormity of your want and letting things happen naturally. It was Noah. You didn’t want to rush him.

You were still amazed he’d kissed you back,that he wanted you the same way you wanted him. The love had never been the point of contention between you two. You loved him at nine and you loved him at nineteen.

Noah losses some of his hesitation, his hands sliding down your side until they reach the swell of your hips straddling his waist. Then his hand slips under the fabric of your shirt and you moan into his mouth at the sensation of his fingers splayed against to taunt muscles of your abdomen.

It’s just flaring want consuming you whole.

“Is that,” Noah manages between bated breaths, “okay?”

You kind of want to shake his shoulders and say shut up and keep going, because you might just combust in the next few minutes if he keeps going like this, this clumsy tenderness mixed with the assault of his body discovering yours. “Yeah,” you stammer out, more feeling than young woman. “Great actually.”

Noah chuckles, trailing kisses down your neck as you lean back a little, before pulling away. . .before pulling your shirt over your head.

He sucks in a breath at the sight of your naked torso.

You can’t help the headyness in your chest at his reaction, at the way you were affecting him. “Like what you see,” you grin, all brash confidence that threatened to topple over like a house of cards at every turn, at the shift of his body under yours.

For once, Noah doesn’t have some smartass comment, just reaches his hands to your cheeks and pulls you down flush against him.

Fuck.

You kiss him feverishly, your hands finding the hem of his shirt as running yours fingers against the sliver of skin.

Noah moans into your mouth and you swear you can’t even function at the sound. The entire world is boiled down to you and him, him and you, and building pressure in your belly that threatens to explode.

“The shirt-,” you stutter out, half out of your mind.

“Yeah,” he obliges, sitting up and tugging it off.

And then you’re melting against him, the warmth of his skin against yours. Your breasts flush against his bare chest. Your toes curl up as you sigh, hands clutching at his neck, at his cheek, at the ends of his hair.

You kiss his jaw, you suck on the skin of his jaw and none of it is enough. Fuck, you want him so bad. You’re so fucking horny. It’s not like you’d been with a lot of people. But it had been over a year since your last sexual encounter.

And that might explain part of it-

Noah cups one of your breast with the palm of his hand, and fuck-

Your mind blanks as you moan his name. “Noah,” you whimper.

He kisses your collarbone, smiling against your skin.

“Do you want to-,” he asks, sounding more self assured by the word.

“Yes, yes,” you eagerly answer, kissing him hungrily. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Noah laughs breathlessly.

Then he’s whimpering as you run your fingers under the waistband of his boxers.

His hand closes around your wrist before you can get further, “condom?”

“Fuck,” you swear. This was so unsexy of you both. But it wasn’t like you had a reason to buy condoms along with pads and fruit snacks. “I think I have one,” you vaguely remember there being one in your wallet.

“I really hope you do.”

“Jerk.”

With great reluctance, you crawl off him to go look for your purse. You had to stop throwing it wherever and hang it up. It would've made it easier to find right now.

You don’t look back at Noah, even though you can feel his heavy gaze on you. The airs filled with static electricity as you rifle around and find the slim black bag.

It’s another few minutes of fishing through its contents before you find the thin small envelope that you were pretty sure you’d gotten in health or at planned parenthood at some point. Ava had definitely been there.

When you turn around, Noah’s sat up in bed, in your bed, in the bed you two share, have shared for months. It’s too dark to make out the expression on his features from this distance, but it’s under his dark eyes that you make your way back to him.

You push your shorts and underwear down in one go, discarding them by the side of the bed, taking care not to lose the condom (you were going on another target run asap) before you’re once again straddling his waist, feeling Noah already hard under your thigh.

“I’ve,” he starts as you sit up on your knees, feeling incredibly vulnerable. “I’ve never done this before.”

“Oh.” You’re off kilter. Does he not want to? It’s fine. You’re just surprised. It’s Noah. He’s tall and funny even if you want to strangle him half the time --he can cook-- and he’s so fucking hot when he’s not being adorkable. You’re surprised. “We don’t. . .have to.”

He sits up under you. “No. It’s,” Noah blushes, “I want to, it’s just-you should know?”

“Oh. Okay,” you lean in, kissing him with a tenderness he deserves in spades, “if you’re sure.”

Noah grasps your hips in his hands, pulling you in, “I’m sure.”

He kisses you.

You push him down onto the bed by his shoulders. His eyes are full of trust as he looks up at you, full of love like the moon on a clear night. You carefully open the condom up.

Noah shimmies his boxers off.

And because you’re you, you reach down and stroke his cock with your hand.

He shuts his eyes, moaning your name as he throws his head back into the bed, his back arching.

You wait a moment for him to still underneath you, before you roll the condom onto his cock, letting your desire carry your through as you fumble a bit. Again, you didn’t exactly have much experience on Noah. You just had some experience.

You lean down flush against him, kissing his lips, as you guide his cock to the apex of your thighs and part your legs, moaning into his mouth as he enters your soaked entrance. Noah stretches you out, leaving you a trembling mess, faring no better than he currently was under you, as his hips thrust against you and you-fuck!

It’s a tangle of limbs as you wrap your arms around him, lacing your fingers behind his neck, wanting more, and more as your hips more erratically against his.

Noah is all kisses and moans and his fingers bruising the skin of your hips as he presses you closer against him.

You don’t really know or care about anything but the feel of his cock inside you, as he thrusts with fervor, and clutches you near. You just want and want and stars dance across your eyelids as your skin catches fire, the heat in your belly finally boiling over as you fuck him, grinding your hips against his.

You splutter, reaching your climax while topping the boy you’ve been in love with for what might as well be your whole life. It’s just your strained voice, repeating his name, “Noah,” like it’s an answer to the whole meaning of life bullshit.

Good.

Bad.

It always comes back to him.

Noah.

He comes against you a second later, your name a sharp breath on his lips, before he goes as boneless as you feel. You’re on cloud fucking nine.

It’s a feeling no amount of weed can come close to.

Exhausted, you get off of him, slumping into a puddle on the bed. Fucking Florida. You were too hot and sweaty to curl under the blankets now.

“I fucking love you.”

“Oh,” you snipe back, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, “now that I’ve fucked you you tell me.”

“Shut up,” Noah manages. “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go toss the condom.”

He sits up slowly, “oh this episode’s my favorite.”

You’d completely forgotten about Bob’s Burgers reruns playing on the TV.

It’s New Year’s Eve and the three of you are eating ice cream on the beach. Only in Florida.

“And why can’t I go in the water?”

“Because you don’t have your bathing suit,” Noah tells Jane for the hundredth time.

“I promise I’ll just stick my feet in.”

“I’ve heard that one before,” you shake your head.

She frowns. “I promise!”

What the heck. It’s not like you were going anywhere else after this. “Okay. But you have to finish your ice cream first.”

“Wow,” Noah says, throwing his arm around your shoulder and leaning his weight against you, making you stumble in the sand. “What a pushover.”

“Me!” You reply, offended. “You let her stay home for no reason.”

The twins exchange glances. “She had chickenpox,” Noah shrugs shamelessly.

“And I’m the Queen of England.”

“Korean skincare does miracles.”

You roll your eyes at him, “shut up.”

Jane giggles easily as she decides this patch of sand is the one, and sits down, licking her rocky road ice cream happily.

“Jane,” you ask gently.

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember why you’re ten and we’re not?” It had been bugging you, ever since the parent teacher conference. There had been no more nightmares since September, but it bothered you, that she might remember anything. That Jane might not want to tell you. You couldn’t help her if she didn’t tell you.

She shrugs. “Not really,” with a child’s ability to shrug things off.

Noah asks the question you’ve been dreading. “Do you remember Redfield?”

Jane looks at you both, frowning. “Who?”

Your shoulders sag with relief. You hide it with a bite of your ice cream cone. Jane had a habit of picking up on things.

“No one important,” Noah brushes off, running a hand through his hair.

“You guys are being weird,” Jane complains. “Is this about you two being gross together? I saw you holding hands.” She narrows her eyes at you accusingly. “Don’t you remember boys have cooties.” She shakes her head. “Grown ups.”

“Jane,” Noah squeaks.

You laugh, covering your mouth with the back of your hand. “Yeah. We thought you should know.” It was better to leave the whole Redfield business behind. She didn’t need that shit weighing her down. “I don’t know. I like your brother a lot for some reason. Ava says it’s trauma induced codependency but she’s Ava so. . .”

Jane frowns again, letting the ice cream drip onto the sand as she thinks. “Does that mean I’m getting a sister?”

It’s your turn to be flabbergasted, as your skin reddens into a ripe tomato. “What!”

“It’s only fair,” she explains. “If you get my brother then I should get a new sister.”

“How about a stuffed animal,” you barter.

“You let me play five Nights at Freddies?”

“No way Jane,” Noah says, shaking his head. “It’ll give you nightmares.”

“What about minecraft,” you try. “Just on Fridays though.”

“Okay. i don’t want my ice cream anymore. I want to go play in the water.”

You nod, kicking your shoes off. “Okay yeah. Let’s go throw it away. I’m sick of mine too.”

You toss the ice cream and race Jane into the waves.

#noah marshall #ilitw noah #noah x mc #it lives in the woods #jane marshall #mine #theyre like 18/19 theyre not lasting long during sex #but also i love mc and noah having shit parents and then turning around and being much better parents #to jane #ABUSE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU #okay but also mc and noah being soulmates and being that couple thats known each other their whole lives #i love

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faecaptainofdreams · 5 years ago

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Story time! The start of this story has a bit of a theme song, because i just always think of this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyGSe7… Sad and awful as it looks, this actually has a majorly happy ending! Major thank you to my friend Sumi-Sprite for collaging this for me! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When Walter is 22, he goes on a very dangerous mission with Lance. While they wait for backup (which Lance is willing to accept most of the time now on account of personal growth), the duo storms a chemical lab, where the "final battle" takes place. I don't have a lot of details worked out, but long story short, they succeed in their mission (with several casualties as a result of what comes next), but fire and blow-outs in the lab lead to a very terrifying situation. The men find themselves in a space with only one oxygen mask for emergencies. Lance forces Walter to wear it, but even after being taught compromise, the latter is very stubborn. As Lance begins to lose consciousness from being stuck inhaling smoke and various chemicals, Walter takes advantage of this. He shoots him in the neck with his own tranquilizer (a familiar scene, no?), and as Lance is passing out, Walter gives him the mask instead. Lance passes out from the tranquilizer, and Walter slowly begins to suffocate until he too, is rendered unconscious. Lance wakes up in the medical bay at the H.T.U.V. Delirious but suddenly remembering the mission, he starts to panic and call out for Walter. Not a few moments later, the younger of them reveals he's in a bed right beside Lance's, groggy with an oxygen mask strapped to his face, an IV in his arm and an EKG hooked up to him, but he's smiling and reaching out for Lance. Lance takes the boy's hand firmly and says "You scared me." Walter answers with "You scared me first...!" He sleepily explains that backup came and rescued them and brought them back to the agency, where they've apparently only been for a short while. In better shape than Walter on account of the latter's sacrifice, Lance gets up and lays beside him, jokingly threatening a "quadruple fire" if he ever does something like that again. Walter very softly smiles and says "I'm not sorry." When Marcy eventually shows up to visit them after hearing the news, she finds them laying there in the bed together and jokingly asks if she's interrupting something. "Nope, just two grown men cuddling after they almost died, nothin' to see here," answers Lance in a similar tone. Marcy informs them that most of their targets were saved and are in custody (some of them being in the hospital), but a few of them died from the fire and chemical blast. Walter is sad to hear it, but accepting of it, and glad that not every life was lost. About an hour or two later, he's stable enough to be off of the oxygen and other attachments. With all the smoke and chemical inhalation, the medical staff advises giving Walter a bronchoscopy to check for potential damage to his lungs. Such a procedure often only requires conscious sedation with a numbing of the nose and throat, but when they get him to the operating room, Walter panics at the thought of being awake while having a scope down his throat; after having nearly suffocated to death just hours ago, the thought of being awake and the fear of suffocating again is too much to bear (even though he would be fine). So instead, they decide to give him a general anesthesia and put him under for the procedure. It's just safer for everyone this way. When it's over and he's beginning to wake from the anesthesia, Walter is wheeled back to his room on the bed, and is happy to see Marcy and Lance waiting for him. But anesthesia is a funny thing, and as he's wheeled in, he's singing the Disclaimer Song in a very loopy fashion. Once settled, he chooses not to finish the song. This conversation ensues: ------- "Lance: You're not gonna finish the song? Walter: *mildly sassy* Ffffhhh, youknooww... I sing...ALLLL the tiiime, anndiiiffinishh all of them, anndd it'ssfuunn, buut... Whyy issitt aalwaayys me...? Why'd's WalterrBeckkett onlyy siing??? YOUU finishth'sonng... Lance: *"well shit" face* Wow, all right then, I'll finish the song. ♫Don't try this at home, if you do, you might--♫ Ey, aren't you gonna sing? Walter: ...Mmm givinng youaheadd starrtt..." ------- He joins in eventually. There is a lot of talking about various things, and lots of Marcy and Lance laughing to themselves at the rambling and singing. Oh yes, more singing. Lots of singing. Lance records some of the rambling, including an entire conversation that begins with Walter casually asking if they'll have to "take his lungs out." After being told no, that he's perfectly fine, he says it would be hard to breathe without lungs, and then regales his company with the thought of the lungs being replaced with balloons. Specifically, the left one would be blue, and the right one would be red. Why? He doesn't know, it's not his call, apparently. At the thought of them popping if he took too deep a breath, a laughing fit on Walter's part ensues. A little while later, this conversation happens: --- "Walter: Whenn I'mmbetterr, 'm gonna drriiveyou'round in the e-tron... Lance: You wanna drive me around? Walter: Yeaaah... Ohh, waait... Imight craash... Lance: Naaahhh, i think it'd be worth the risk. You can drive the car. Walter: Buutt youuloove that carr... Lance: Yeah, well... I love you more. Walter: Hmm..... Whaat...? Lance: *softly* I said I love you, Walter." --- Lance has told him this before, but in his drugged up state, the blatant expression of love swiftly turns the tide of the mood from funny to pitiful. Walter bursts into tears and tells Lance he loves him, too. And Marcy. And Killian, and Joy, and Lovey and Jeff and Crazy Eyes, and Terrance even though he ignores him, and August (OC) and Ramsey (OC [sorta]) and Shannon (OC) and that he thinks it's mean that people nickname Joy "Joyless," all while bawling his poor eyes out. Endeared, Marcy and Lance try to calm him down. But Walter reveals that he hasn't forgotten his conversation with Lance when they first woke up in that room together. He says he's sorry for scaring Lance, that he just didn't want him to die because he "doesn't want to be alone again," but that he understands Lance has the same fear and he just couldn't win. Somewhere in the rambling mess of emotions, he mentions fear of Lance "dying like his mother." Basically, every subconscious or pushed-down negative thought and feeling he's had since the mission comes blubbering out in a heap of drunken tears and sadness. Seeing how very real his distress is, his company is quick to try and ease his mind and offer him comfort. Walter asks if Lance really is going to fire him again, to which Lance says no. He then asks if Lance is mad at him, which earns another "no." Lance says no one is mad at him, that he just needs to close his eyes and try to take a nap. After a few minutes of quietly crying to himself with his eyes closed, Walter comes to a terrifying conclusion... What if he never stops crying?! Of course, Lance almost bursts out laughing, but a death glare from Marcy forces him to keep it to himself, lest he risk further upsetting Walter. It may sound ridiculous, but for someone who's been anesthetized, every feeling is very real. Marcy comforts him, tells him no, he's not going to cry forever. It's not long before the tears slow down. They don't stop, but they slow down. [fun fact: crying is reported in 40% of patients who wake from anesthesia, be it for a presented reason or for no reason at all. Very little is known about why this occurs, though it's suspected that the stress and fear from whatever they had to be put out for manifests itself in that drugged-up state. This is referred to as "the boo-hoos."] But it's late, and Marcy must go home. She and Lance talk off to the side, and the lady gives her man a kiss to remember her by for the evening.~ After Marcy's departure, Lance decides that after everything they've been through and with how upset Walter's been, he will sleep in the bed with him. He reclines him, crawls in, and holds him tight until morning. Walter wakes up around 1 in the morning, mildly confused, but Lance tells him to go back to sleep. Happy that Lance stayed with him and choosing not to question this unexpected all-night cuddling party, he submits without a word. By morning, everything is fine, and the anesthesia has worn off. Before the lad can even put his clothes on, Lance just HAS to show him the video he took of him while he was all loopy. Walter is embarrassed and cringes through it, but also laughs at some parts. It's a happy ending. "Okay but for real, don't ever do that again." "No promises." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------- This movie is something else. Lance, Walter and Killian have all experienced trauma and loss, but in different ways. Walter and Killian are the extremes; one copes with loss through love, wanting desperately to let people in and let others know they aren't alone. Killian has no way to cope, and expresses his pain through hatred and a desperate longing to make the one who hurt him feel what he's felt, and then end it all in his own death. Lance is right in the middle. He has acquaintances, he talks to people, he cares, but he holds everyone at arm's length. He pretends everything is fine, he acts cold and aloof, "too cool" for playing on a team or working with others. But really, it's a fear of letting others in, because life could take it all away again. He still bears a lot of empathy, but also exercises carelessness on criminals. He and Killian are not so different, but with Walter's help, both men learn to open up (we can see Killian's expression for redemption in his final scene in the movie, we know he was a little touched that Walter saved him. Also consider, Killian didn't know Walter survived that fall at the time). So now that they're partners and each have someone in their lives to love -- multiple people now, in fact, it means feeling desperation to keep them close. It means taking a bigger risk, it means work. After everything they've been through, no, Lance is not ashamed to hug and hold and love on his little nerdy white gay son. He's not afraid of intimacy anymore, no matter the form. He'll take what he can get, because tomorrow is never a promise. Would you die for the ones you love...?

#Spies in Disguise #Walter Beckett #Lance Sterling #Marcy Kappel #Unus Annus #kind of #i mean i meme their song all the time #disclaimer song

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

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People do you live with - are they related to you? they are indeed

Have you ever had to have surgery before? What was this for? not yet

Are you listening to any music right now? What song is it? just finished, got tired/bored of it

Who did you last hug? When did this hug take place? Where? my mom, today, home

Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? my gf, yes

Do you enjoy shopping? Who do you usually go shopping with anyways? yes, mostly looking at stuff, dad

Are you afraid of thunderstorms? What exactly makes you afraid of them? nah

What color are the shutters on your house by the windows, if there are any? we don’t have shutters

Do you enjoy talking smack to those annoying telemarketers? Is it funny? I disconnect immediately

Do you need spellcheck in order to spell things correctly? usually not Do you do too many surveys? How many have you done today? yeah but it’s smth that keeps my mind occupied in those stressful times and I enjoy it for fun - you don’t have to read them if you don’t want to, let me do what I want to survive, I don’t need to explain myself actually as it’s my life Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone? I regret that Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? I gave up on almost everyone including myself Is there ink in your printer? not black, only color Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? taking care of trash and dog What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? many

Have you ever buried a time capsule with a friend? Did you dig it up yet? with my sister, it disappeared Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? never happened Where did you get your favorite hoodie? it’s my sister’s old hoodie Are shoes under your bed? I don’t keep anything under my bed Have you ever been in handcuffs? *wink* not yet :P Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? I might for my gastroscopy someday because I have a strong gag reflex and there’s no other way :( When are you planning on moving out of your parents’ house? plan pfft... Are you a fan of dogs? small dogs Who was the last person in your family to graduate high school? Was it you? immediate family? it was me

What genre was the last song you listened to? dance/electronic I see… Did it have a male or female vocalist? female Have you watched any of your favourite TV shows today? Which? I haven’t watched any TV show today What colour is your make-up bag? I don’t use one Have you ever dyed your hair green? yep

What color was the first pet you had? green

Have you ever had fake nails? nope

What was your favorite year of high school? definitely not the last, probably first

Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? both include choking but drowning gives you a bigger chance of survival

Does your family own more than two houses? we’re too poor for that and owning more than one house is unfair in my opinion

Would you marry someone who could never have sex for medical reasons? I’m asexual, I don’t like/want/need sex so that’s cool

What about someone who was guaranteed to die in five years? anyone can die any moment so yes

Do you have any step parents? no

Do you know what year your mother was born in? I always forget

The person you would never want to meet? someone dangerous If you were a type of tree, what would you be? weeping willow or hollow/dead tree of some sort

Favorite age you’ve been so far? childhood in general I think You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? maybe even myself?... If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? I don’t want a slave wtf You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? save it Are you a good kisser? am not Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?  several times Have you ever built a snowman? of course Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises, even tho I’m not a morning person If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? dog + elephant Can you do any accents other than your own? not well What is the last thing you drew a picture of? not sure what was last

If the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? Do you think you’d be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? hell no, I wouldn’t be comfy enough to look at penises, gross! Have you ever considered keeping a dream journal? If you have one, have you ever looked back on it at all of the odd/interesting dreams you used to have? gonna burn it soon Do you think regifting is cheap, or is it okay? Have you ever regifted before? it’s ok, yeah

Do you like tablets or laptops more? laptops Have you ever had to “come out” to your parents about anything (sexual orientation, change in religion, etc.)? How did it go? yep, it didn’t went well but it could be way worse What’s the most unusual kind of pizza you’ve ever tried? nothing unusual Has there ever been a time where you thought you were going to be great friends with someone, but it just never happened? yep :( What’s one of your favorite things to touch/feel? hmm... How often do you wear tights? very rarely Why is your favorite TV show your favorite? I like many but my favs I chose basing on the impact on my life Describe your favorite picture of yourself, or post it. those funniest and with my dad too I guess Assuming you have a Facebook, if one of your friends posted things that annoyed you, would you be more likely to delete them as a friend, hide their statuses, or just put up with it? hide statuses but if they’re not close to me I might even kick them out of my friends list forever, definitely won’t just put up with it When was the last time you wore a sports bra? yesterday On a scale of 1-10, how anxious are you currently? 11 How is the weather? windy

If you were a pirate, what would your name be? Sam Bell or Robin Hood unless you ask me for a nickname then I’d have to think about it more

Would you rather go the short way slow, or take the long way fast if you got there in the same amount of time? doesn’t matter

Would you rather always be in a crowd, or be the only person on earth? only person

Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or the bottom? middle?

If you had to move out of this country, what country would you move to? Why? England or some scandinavian ones I believe

How many children do you want? Girls or boys? 0 but if any then 1 girl

If you had to lose one of your five senses, which one of them would you prefer to lose and why? smell because it’s hyper and I hate that

If you could live anywhere for one year, all expenses paid, where would you live? just my own apartment

What’s your favorite song to karaoke to? *shrug*

What takes you out of your comfort zone? life

If you were on the cover of a magazine, which one would it be and why? I want my apartment to be on a cover of an interior design magazine

If you could be laid to rest anywhere, where would it be? Why? next to my brother and/or my dad after his death

Pool side or beach? beach

What is your favorite primary color? yellow

What is your favorite brand of bottled water? I don’t care anymore If you were to write a story, what would it be about? already written some When was the last time you got out of your home? not counting going to my garden/yard - yesterday Do you like color pencils or crayons better? colored pencils Have you ever played Badminton? I liked to Would you ever consider running for president? nah What color is the sky right now? light blue Is March one of your favorite seasons? why not Do you write little reminders to yourself? shitload Would you want a pet iguana? I heard they commit suicide :x Exactly how many days have you been alive? 10,399 Do you know how to knit/crochet? a bit Do you enjoy windy days? I like the sound of wind and zephyr during the hottest days but that’s all

Do you believe that big goals are just as attainable as small ones? some to some

Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? deleted and made new account

How many times a day do you change your clothes? depends

When was the last time you used spray paint? long time ago

What color are the chairs at your kitchen table? white

Do you believe that life only gets harder or easier? harder to me

Have you ever had sex with 2 different people in the same week? noooo

Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? on top of one another

If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? not applicable

do you sing to songs in the car when you are alone? I don’t drive so I’m never alone in the car

do you laugh at other people when they are alone in their car singing? it’s cute

the world will end in an hour. what do you do? send a cab for my dad if possible to bring him home

does the weirdest dream you have ever had involve your history teacher? that’s weirdly specific - no

how many christmas trees are in your home during the season? depends

ever told your date you were going to the bathroom and actually left? nope but if I was scared of them I could do that :o

what never fails to put you in a bad mood? ugh...

what is the first thing that comes to mind when i say green? plants

did you know that you hear/see something that relates to a monkey everyday? really? I don’t believe you

do you share a bed with anyone, or is it allll yours? it’s allll mine

are you from the north/south/west/east? personal

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atopearth · 5 years ago

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Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 4 - Trials and Tribulations (3rd game)

Turnabout Memories Omggg! I can’t believe we get to see Phoenix and Mia’s first meeting! I’ve always liked Mia so this is great! It’s so cute to see a younger Phoenix that is so cute and careless haha. Didn’t expect him to be the defendant for Mia’s second case ever though, but I guess it is a Phoenix Wright game, they gotta put him in the spotlight somehow, so if he’s not the defence, he’ll have to be a suspect hahaha. It’s so adorable when Phoenix cries lmao, but wow Dahlia is so cute and pretty, she’s an angel! Those butterflies hovering around her though lmao. The bottle necklace was really cool.

Wow, I really liked how this case turned out, it definitely feels more in line with the cases in the first game that I liked the most, mainly because it’s simple, it’s straightforward and it rounds up all the evidence and people mentioned nicely. I didn’t expect Phoenix to be so smitten with Dahlia though lol, but yeah, she’s really evil, not that we get to know what her motives for killing that attorney were, but dang was she evil to give the bottle that hid the poison to Phoenix so the police wouldn’t find it. I find it kinda funny that it ended up backfiring on her because Phoenix refused to return it to her later on so she had to keep dating him to try and get it back loll. Gotta feel sorry for the ex though, he noticed that she was dodgy and had stolen poison from his labs and was nice enough to warn Phoenix, but that instead led to his death, sigh, so terrible. Considering Dahlia’s last words, I guess we’ll be seeing her again… But yeah, I really liked this case especially with Mia being the lawyer, you can see how great she was even when she was a newbie. Lmao at Mr Payne losing his hair and screaming when he lost loll. Gotta love all the exaggeration, it really makes the game haha.

The Stolen Turnabout It’s nice to see Andrews living a better life now than when she was a manager. Lmaoo that no one noticed the urn being weird with the name spelt wrong since Pearl glued it back in the wrong places. Shocking that the village is famous enough that their “treasures” are being exhibited though lol. Otherwise, Atmey the ace detective doesn’t seem very interesting of a guy lol. I have to say, I miss Larry and his ability to complicate everything so it’s nice to see him again! Can’t believe he and Phoenix didn’t talk to each other for two years though! But, I guess considering the type of happy go lucky guy he is, Larry following a woman to Japan and then getting dumped is believable loll. I wonder if he makes all the girls he dates famous or something loll. Anyway, I don’t know why, but I feel like Atmey looks like and feels like Mask DeMasque. Okay, I love Godot’s look, he looks cool!! HAHAHA, I love him already, he’s never won or lost a case before because he’s a beginner hahahaha. He’s such an eccentric but it’s so cute, it was so funny and slack when he wanted to call his next witness, but Gumshoe said he hadn’t proven anything yet, and Godot says he already proved his incompetence LOL. And I love how Godot said the safest place to keep evidence is by him pocketing them hahahah. Gotta love everyone’s confidence here, Atmey especially, he didn’t even get to see the culprit’s face and was knocked out by him but he’s still so full of himself lolll. Gotta love how lenient the judge is with all the dodgy people, but I guess that’s expected since he’s not the best himself hahaha. LMAO when Godot said objection and threw his coffee at Phoenix (Godot Blend #102 hahaha) and you see the cup on his head whilst it’s dripping coffee hahahaha.

Anyway, what is wrong with Ron? Why is he so insistent on being Mask DeMasque and being pronounced guilty? Ohh wow, didn’t expect the CEO that was apparently blackmailing Ron to die, and to think that Phoenix proving him to be at the CEO office at the time of the theft saved him from the current case but now has caused him to be arrested for murdering the CEO. Aside from that, I love how when Godot is losing to Phoenix, steam comes out of his head or he just says random things about coffee to express his feelings lmao. Hahaahha Wendy Oldbag is Larry’s superior and partner in KB Security? Loll, they both sound so dodgy, I’m worried for this building. I wonder if Mask DeMasque is like two people or something lol. Hmm so Ron was the thief but someone gave him the plans and what to steal~ HAHAHA, lmao when Godot said “you did it, didn’t you?” to Ron when he was about to start testifying and Ron with a serious face says “yes” and then realises what he just said yes to and starts saying noooo LOL. Like the judge said, it really could have been the shortest trial ever hahahaha. Gotta love Gadot’s variety of reactions, it was so hilarious whenever he spat his coffee out at Phoenix uncovering things that were unexpected to him hahaha. Anyway, I really liked how things went on in this part of the trial! Even though it was obvious Detective Atmey was the culprit, it was interesting to see how he made everyone fall into the trap of thinking he was actually Mask DeMasque in order to get himself a guilty verdict of larceny as his alibi to protect him from actually being accused of murdering the CEO. That felt really clever and interesting imo. Well, glad to know Desiree really loves Ron as much as he loves her, so it’s a nice ending for them haha.

Overall, although Atmey was a boring culprit when considering his motives etc, I found the flow of the case really fun and interesting. The case started off pretty funny and amusing by introducing the broken urn from the previous game again and making it seem like a theft case, when really it interrelated with the idea of someone trying to use the double jeopardy rule (can’t be tried for the same charges twice when some sort of verdict has been made already) to get themselves out of the more serious crime. I liked the idea and the execution of it quite a bit and enjoyed how everything turned out~

Recipe for Turnabout A fake Nick?! Isn’t it a bit crazy that no one in court or anything knew it was a fake though?? Not sure if I like the sound of this case already… The fake also kinda tarnished his reputation for losing and getting a guilty verdict too! Well, I didn’t expect to see Maggey again, bad luck follows her everywhere, huh? Even when she’s been fired as a police officer and is now a waitress… Yahh, Armstrong is certainly an eccentric character… Well, uh, aside from the disgusting food, overly pungent flower smell in the restaurant and those weird dodgy aromatherapy oils he’s giving out, is there anything good about this guy or restaurant?! Omgg lace curtains in a kitchen, I am dreading the possibility of a fire already… Lmao when Maya in that maid/waitress outfit couldn’t entice Victor to talk and so she had to turn into Mia lolll.

Honestly though, Godot makes me want to drink coffee allll the time hahaha. Lmaooo at Gumshoe trying so hard to get Phoenix to doubt his testimony and evidence so that Maggey can be freed hahahah. Awww so cute how Gumshoe made a lunchbox for Maggey since she seemed to have lost weight from the stress of the case! Lmao that it’s just a bunch of weenies/sausages with rice though hahahah. I’m surprised no one cares or thinks the chef is suspicious especially since Maggey fainted when the guy got poisoned, like ummm okay?? I’d say that the idea of the Victor seeing a fake crime scene with a fake victim was interesting, but at the same time, it felt really implausible? Especially with how easily it was renounced by Phoenix because of the radio lottery announcement that occurs at 1:30pm every time? Lmao at everyone (even the judge hahaha) getting scared of Tigre’s dominating presence and shouting so they hide under the table lolll. Gotta love how calm Godot remains.

And yeah…the way they tricked him into telling the whole court what the bottle of potassium cyanide actually looked like etc was just..so, how do I say it? Unsatisfying??? Well, technically I felt like the whole story of this case and how it happened and why it happened was pretty bland already, but even the way they got him was just so uncharacteristically satisfying. I feel like what I enjoy most about the game is when they give you the evidence and the testimonies and that leads you to solving the case with clear cut evidence etc to show that “this person” did it. It just feels rather cheap when they deviate from that since it doesn’t feel like the reader themselves really did their part to show why this person is guilty, instead you’re reliant on Phoenix doing something random and dodgy to succeed. On another note, I found Maggey blaming Gumshoe and hating on him really annoying especially when she was a policewoman before and so she should understand that he had to give the facts, like seriously, you can’t blame him for telling the truth, especially when he ran around everywhere trying to help find evidence to prove her innocence. Not only was she not grateful for any of it, she KEEPS blaming him even after the trial ends! Like girl, he has no obligation (other than his job) to help her to such an extent that he’s even making lunchboxes etc for her, I was so annoyed with her, and do not want to see her again honestly, but I doubt it’s the last time we see her zzz. Considering how annoying she was about it all, I’m surprised she still ate the lunchbox in the end, Gumshoe is wasted on her. But yeah, basically, not a fan of this case in terms of story or the characters/witnesses. Victor was okay because he was a silly guy, but Tigre was so boring, even more boring than I initially thought.

Turnabout Beginnings I’m glad we get to see Mia’s first case! I was scared they might put it in the next game or something haha. Is Diego (another attorney in the same law firm as Mia) Godot’s father or something? Or is it actually Godot himself? Or am I just thinking too much haha. Omgggg I can’t believe Edgeworth is the prosecutor!! Young him is so cute though lol. Nah, Diego has the statement coffee cup, he’s gotta be related to Godot, it must run in the family!! Loll. Awww Gumshoe and Edgeworth go way back! So, is Melissa Dahlia? Did she change her name?? Honestly though, I’m not really interested in the case haha, doesn’t help how biased the judge is and how tricky Edgeworth is lol. Okay, that was unexpected, Valerie, Fawles and Dahlia were in on this “kidnapping” to get some cash out of it, but Valerie betrayed them and caused her sister, the little girl “Dahlia” to fall to her death on the bridge? Ohh okay, that turned out more interesting than I thought. I can see why Mia was quite traumatised with her first case, she was so close to revealing Dahlia to be the one that jumped off the bridge herself to keep that 2 million diamond for herself, and how she killed her sister and pinned it on Terry to stop the truth from getting out, and yet…Terry was so obsessed and taken with Dahlia that he chose to commit suicide instead, and it was by drinking poison from that bottle Phoenix had in the beginning of the first case in this game… That was honestly pretty saddening.

Bridge to the Turnabout Okay, initially, I was sceptical about this with the Iris seeming to be Dahlia thing and the temple stuff etc, but now that Phoenix is hurt and Larry wants Edgeworth to defend Iris, this seems like it’ll be a fun case! Like, sure, the court was dodgy enough to accept a paper attorney badge last time and not even recognise Phoenix’s imposter, but everyone knows Edgeworth is a prosecutor! How are they going to get around that? Loll. Swapping the judge out is a good idea to get around it, but I like the judge!! Well, the judges are brothers so I guess that’s cool hahaha. But yeah, I love the usual judge, he’s so silly, it’s hilarious! Anyway, lmao that the “blackmail letter” to Iris was actually Larry’s love letter hahahaha, he ended up scaring her away instead lollll.

Omggg Franziska vs Edgeworth?? I prefer Godot but I guess this match will be interesting. Hahahaha at the judge thinking Edgeworth looks familiar (since he’s the same judge that was in the Mia vs Edgeworth case back in the day) and Franziska insisting there’s no such weakling in the prosecutor’s office lolll. And then I love how the judge tries to get rid of Franziska’s whip but Edgeworth says she should be allowed to keep it since he doesn’t care lolll, what about the judge’s wishes?! Lmaoo at Sister Bikini (what a name btw LOL) being so short (because of her bad back) at the witness podium, you just see her eyes blinking hahahaha, and then they had to get milk crates for her ahahaha. Awwww Edgeworth is so cute to say he now understands why Phoenix feels so happy when he exposes contradictions in testimonies hahaha. Larry is hilarious, I can’t believe he was literally sketching for 15 minutes when the bridge was burning down instead of getting help LOL. It’s normal for Edgeworth and Franziska to insult Larry’s intelligence but lmao at even the judge saying he was surprised Larry actually witnessed an actual event loll. Gotta love how Larry makes every case he’s in more complicated haha.

Hmmm is Godot the guy that was poisoned by Dahlia?🧐 Is Elise Maya’s mother? She is!! Iris is Pearls’ sister??? Do they even know about each other?? Oh wait, now Iris is a twin?? Well, I was thinking that was the only logical explanation to the people sighting her everywhere and the extra psyche locks on the Sacred Cavern (where Maya is trapped) but I’m still surprised that they’re all actually Morgan’s (Misty’s sister, so Maya and Mia’s aunt) daughters! Ummm, if Iris’ father is a jeweller and he left Kurain village with the twin daughters after knowing that Morgan could never be the master, and if he gave Iris up to the temple and kept the other daughter… Does that mean Dahlia is the other sister and that’s why she really wanted that jewel in that case? Oh wow, Iris was a part of the fake kidnapping as well but somehow betrayed Dahlia causing her “killing spree”. Hmm if they stole the jewel as “revenge” on their father for how he treated Morgan (dumping her since she was useless to him), what was their plan exactly?

Hahaha gotta love that the trial has barely started and it’s already killing Phoenix since Iris just confessed she’s actually an accomplice to the murder! Well, the pendulum swinging the body back was pretty much what I expected even though it still kinda sounds rather far fetched… And I was wondering why Iris was weird, she’s actually Dahlia! I’m kinda confused at the idea of them being able to materialise Dahlia without actually having her body like possess someone? Since it’s implied initially that Misty was the one channeling her, but now that she’s dead, she’s still materialised?? I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but wouldn’t it be most likely that the one channeling Dahlia is actually Maya? And yep it was! I was thinking it was impossible for Pearl to have been the one channeling her since she already since she didn’t and couldn’t do it, so I was so confused haha. It’s good that Maya was smart enough to consult Mia and that’s how they were able to plan and get Maya to protect herself from Dahlia by being the one channeling her so that she wouldn’t be able to know that the one she actually needed to hurt was herself. That thing Dahlia kinda became when she was disappeared was pretty menacing, I feel like she would be back in a future game just because of how vengeful she is tbh.

Omg, the defence attorney Dahlia poisoned was Armando, the guy who was helping Mia out in that trial with Dahlia. Both Mia and him were still suspicious of Dahlia after that case so she killed him…. I knew it was coming, but to think that Diego Armando is really Godot… Like, don’t get me wrong, I love Godot’s looks, but I’m sure having to wear that visor to see things etc already kinda depicts how terrible his life must had become after the incident with Dahlia. Oh wow, Godot was in a coma for 5 years due to the poison… I never expected Godot to have loved Mia so much that he hated Phoenix for not being able to protect her whilst he was asleep. And I didn’t expect him to care so much that he made protecting Maya one of his reasons for living, since he knew that she was the most important person to Mia. It’s so tragic yet sweet… I didn’t think Misty, Iris and Godot all cooperated trying to foil Morgan’s plan though… Honestly, it broke my heart to see Godot trying to guide Phoenix to the end of the trial by himself instead of always relying on Mia. It’s true that he hated Phoenix for not protecting Mia, but Godot also hated himself for missing out on everything that happened as well, he felt like he failed as well. So having to see Phoenix point out that Godot was the murderer was so tough and terrible to witness, mainly because they all did what they did to protect Maya. Misty channeled Dahlia’s soul to prevent Pearl from doing it, but that meant it was up to Godot to stop her, and there was no other way to stop her than for Godot to have stabbed her at that moment. Although Godot doubts whether he did it for Maya or for himself (for revenge on Dahlia poisoning him), I think there’s no need to even think about it, even though he had his own sort of pride (for not telling Phoenix about the plan), in his own way, he did what he could to protect what was precious to Mia. And that honestly breaks my heart.

The other most surprising thing to come out of this was that in reality, Dahlia and Phoenix only met each other twice (when she used him to hide the poison and when she tried to poison him in the end), all the other times they met and dated and had a relationship, it was actually Iris trying her best to get the bottle back from him so that Dahlia wouldn’t kill him. Although, she obviously failed and that caused Dahlia to hatch her plan and not tell Iris about it because she knew Iris had fallen in love with Phoenix. Honestly though, I really wanted Phoenix and Iris to get together this whole time, so knowing that they used to be together was really nice. If only it was possible in the future too… I thought it was really cool and bittersweet how Phoenix and Godot shared a cup of coffee with each other at the end of the trial. I guess in a sense, he’s finally free since the case is resolved, but at the same time I can’t help but feel so sad about it all. Maya and Pearl are really strong for being able to keep up their smiles.

Honestly, I found the last case to be rather convoluted and boring because of the fact that I’ve never really been a fan of the supernatural element of the game with the Kurain channelling technique. The only times I liked them using it was to bring back Mia, but not really in an actual case, so that detracted points for me, and I guess also because Dahlia wasn’t a very interesting villain either. Dahlia is just like this ball of pure hatred for everything and everyone for betraying her and treating her like crap, and although it’s understandable, aside from her looks, there was nothing I liked about her lol. However, the last case definitely hit me in the feels the best out of all the cases in this trilogy, I legit wanted to cry because of Godot’s/Armando’s story and motivations, he was really relatable and I couldn’t help but really empathise with his hatred, his sadness and his forced acceptance of reality in the present. It was painful to witness because of how much it broke my heart. He is definitely my favourite character for this whole franchise. Larry and Mia being close seconds haha.

Overall, although I found the Maggey case and the Godot one lacking in terms of the case itself, most of this third game was great! I enjoyed most of it and really felt like it had the gist of what I loved in the first game so it was great to play through it! The psyche locks are still something I don’t like, but oh well. Honestly, I really wanted to play as Edgeworth a bit more but I guess I can play that other game with him as the MC? It’s on Android so I guess I can play it on that haha. I think my favourite part was being able to play as Mia, I really enjoyed getting to see more of her personality and how she worked her way through her cases and how much of an impact that first case had on her. She should get spin offs too! Tbh, my favourite case was hers with Edgeworth because just as it had an impact on them with the suicide at the end, I also found it very interesting and engaging with how the case flowed and how it ended up all going downhill at the last moment. I feel like it was a really refreshing take amongst the usual cases. All in all, I would definitely recommend the trilogy because it really is so much fun! I’m so sad that it’s over tbh, I hope they port the other games, I want to see more!! A lot of the things are silly especially with introducing evidence out of nowhere and all that, but it just makes the whole story so much more entertaining, so I think if you’re not crazy strict about how courts should be like and just want some law drama fun, this is probably the epitome of it, because I have to admit, it’s so satisfying to hear Phoenix and them shout “objection!” all the time haha. The dialogue is so witty, cool and fun that it really makes the game such a highlight with how the prosecutor and defence attorney interact, and you just gotta love the silly judge adding his random comments hahaha. I miss it already😭

#phoenix wright ace attorney #trials and tribulations

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lokibug · 6 years ago

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Wisdom Teeth

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Summary: After a fight on the field you later on figure out there’s something wrong with your tooth. After getting inspected you’re told you need to take your wisdom teeth out. After this Loki is the only one around to watch after you.

Warnings: Mention of Blood (sort of)

A/N: I love watching those videos of people after having their wisdom teeth removed haha that’s where this idea came from. Requests are open!

During your last battle on the field, you had taken quite the hit to your jaw. It had been sore and it hadn’t stopped this aching for over a week. Finally after continuous pestering from everyone else, you faced your horrible fear of the dentist and went for a check in. Upon their inspection they seen your wisdom teeth needed to be removed.

You didn’t think you would need anyone to look after you so, you hadn’t asked anyone to stay behind and do so. Yet, here you sat in a chair, unable to operate machinery, blood oozing from the area in which your teeth had been removed and into what felt like cotton balls.

“Hawpy!” You practically shrieked into the phone that you held. You heard a groan on the other half of the line.

“Y/N. What do you need? The kid keeps calling on the other line, I have enough to deal with.” Happy responded.

“I need a wide home, I forgot that part.” You mumbled. The cotton balls in your mouth making your words sound like those that belonged to a two year old.

“Why are you talking like that? Did you go to the dentist after all?”

“Yeah, I don’t know it feels like I have drugs in me,” You chuckle a bit at the way the nurse looked at you hunching in the chair, “but they won’t let me leave without a ride signing for me. They didn’t believe me when I said I was Tony Stark.”

Happy immediately rolled his eyes and said, “Yeah okay, I’ll be over there soon. Don’t move.” He warned.

After Happy signed for you and brought you back to the tower, he beckoned anyone that was home. The first and only person to come forward was Thor.

You were basically hunched and held an arm around Happy before Thor took an arm around you to hold you up. “Woah lady Y/N, what happened to you?” He asked chuckling.

You giggled and looked up at him with a sleepy look, “I got my teeths fixed.” Your voice still muffled, but understandable enough.

“She got her wisdom teeth removed and forged Tony’s signature before they did the surgery so that she could take herself home. Obviously she couldn’t do that,” Suddenly his phone rang again, “Look after her, this house is too expensive for anything to break again.” With that Happy entered the elevator and left.

“Where is everyone?” You ask while Thor walks you over to the couch. Much of your current features mimicked a sensitive child’s. He found amusement in this.

“Well, they left. I’m not quite sure where to but everyone is doing their own duties.” You plop down on the couch and smirk almost chuckling again.

“Why are you here? Jane is looking for you.” You rambled. Of course you didn’t know for sure but you wouldn’t doubt it.

“I’m actually going with her to help with some of her experiments.” Thor boomed happily.

“You mean a date?” You cooed and booped his nose with your lazy index finger.

“Perhaps, excuse me lady y/n.” He stood up as you swayed from left to right almost as if you were dancing to the song stuck in your head. The medication definitely had an affect on everyone and you were not aware it would effect you in such a way. Chances were you wouldn’t remember anything anyways.

Thor had made his way to the library in which a very focused Loki had been sitting near a large window. He cleared his throat to get his brother’s attention. Loki snapped his gaze away from the book and up at Thor. “What is it?” He questioned.

“Y/N went to one of the midgardian doctors for the pain in her mouth. They gave her something and now she’s still recovering, I need you to look after her.” The words fumbled out of his mouth almost like a question.

The thought of keeping you company hadn’t bothered him, but the idea of babysitting wasn’t on his list of things he enjoyed doing.

“And what of you brother? You’re the hero after all.” He mocked.

“I need to accompany Jane in..some experiment.” Loki arched an eyebrow knowing this had to be some kind of lie. Loki was always the the better fibber. “Please, it’s only for a little while. I’m pretty sure she’s falling asleep soon.”

Loki shut his book harshly and carried it off the couch he had been residing on. Thor knew this was his agreement and he smiled before lifting up two thumbs and leaving the tower. You seen Thor exit and then your eyes wandered until they met Loki’s.

He couldn’t help but smirk a bit at the ground seeing how your cheeks looked like a squirrel’s. “Hi Loki.” You murmured.

“Y/N.” He stayed back before looking at you as if he was studying you somehow. You only giggled a bit. “What?”

“I just think you’re funny.”

“Love, I am many things. Funny is not one of them.”

“Hm,” you chuckled, “whatever you say.” Loki had always been fond of you, and you of him. Making him feel comfortable was something you enjoyed doing because being in good favor of him was something you found yourself wanting. You treated him like everyone else and on some occasions even better.

It never occurred to Loki that any midgardian would be attracted to him, so the idea of you and him together was something he always pushed out of his thoughts immediately every time they resurfaced.

You had gotten comfortable and laid your head on one of the pillows. Loki had been on the other side of the couch reading from the book that he was reading previously.

Ten minutes of silence passed. You had been doing a little of everything to keep yourself distracted. You even took a few non flattering selfies while exposing your blood soaked cotton balls. You had been throwing a random smaller pillow into the air and catching it over and over again. A few times it had fallen on your face. While being completely distracted by this small task, your body followed the pillow and you fell from the couch and onto your stomach with a hard thud.

Loki set his book down quickly and grabbed your arm, “Get up, you need to relax y/n.” You groan and giggle up at him as he boasts you back onto the couch.

“You’re a good friend Loki.” You mumbled and smirk at him. Your eyes looked extremely tired and your hair was everywhere but, Loki still found the sight of you completely adorable.

“Far from it dear.” He said going back to his position on the couch.

You crawl from your spot and lay your head on his thigh. He flinches and looks down at your smiling face. He wasn’t used to any kind of contact, let alone with you.

“What is it you are doing?” He questioned.

“I’m just looking at you, you have a nice...face.” He blinked a few times setting the book to the side.

“A nice face?” He chuckled.

“Yeah, it’s so...pretty. You know I tell Natasha allll the time how pretty you are. She thinks I’m crazy.” You begin laughing and hold your stomach to steady yourself. Hearing your exhausted confession, Loki needed to hear more. He boasted on in questioning.

“Why?” He asks.

“Because people think you’re a bad guy—but you’re not a bad guy Wowkie,” you run your fingers under his jaw and pull away, “I mean everyone thinks Thor is the strong pretty man,” you chuckle and squeeze his bicep, “but I think you’re the hotter brother.” You wink horribly at him. The you that had not been medicated would’ve been mortified to ever say these things to Loki, let alone touch him. He chuckles a bit and grabs your hand softly returning it to its original position.

“Are these your own thoughts?” His own smile evident.

“Yes, I can prove it.” You quickly sit up becoming a bit dizzy.

“Y/N no I don’t think—“

“Shhh.” You put your finger on his lips to quiet him. You stride towards a tall lamp and stumble a bit. You twirl yourself extremely slow around it.

“See this is me—I’m me,” You point at yourself, “and this is you because you’re taaaaall.” You point at the lamp and begin touching the top of the shade. “Soft hair.” You begin giggling and take a step back before falling backwards, taking the lamp down with you. A crash of the lightbulb echoed throughout the room as Loki gasped.

“Ouch, Yeah, no y/n.” He knelt down next to you and picked you up into his arms bridal style. Your cheeks turn a bright red before smirking up at him. Your eyelids hang heavy before your hand is in his hair.

“It’s so soft.”

“You’re really not yourself are you?” He asked before walking you over to your room. He laid you down in your bed and pulled the thick covers over you. He removed your shoes for you as you giggled due to it tickling a bit.

“Thank you.” You snuggled deeper into your bed. “Lay down.” You tell him.

Loki laughs lightly again, “I can’t do that,” he sat at the corner of your bed, “sleep darling.”

You had fallen into a deep sleep. Loki had sat on the bed looking at your resting stature for a little bit. Those same thoughts had come back into his mind about you. This brought a smile upon his lips. Maybe there was a chance for him after all.

Hours later you woke up and rubbed your head. You felt like hell and were in dire need of water.

You walked out of your room and back into the living room to where the other avengers now resided.

No one acknowledged your presence since they knew you were still recovering. That was until you entered the kitchen and seen Loki grabbing a water bottle from the fridge.

“Hey,” you mumbled and Loki stood there smirking at you, “is there something you need?” You asked. You didn’t have a single clue as to why he was paying attention to you. You hadn’t remembered anything at the moment.

“Not at all love,” He chuckled and nuzzled the top of your head and mocked you, “so soft.” Your eyes widened as you began to remember a small snippet due to his words.

“Did I?...”

“If you found me so ravishing, you should have stated your true feelings before my little minx.” Your face was beat red and now a flustered mess.

“I uh...water. I’m drinking it now.” You drank some water and turned quickly speed walking back into your room as Loki stood there. Everyone else had questioning looks on their face. Meanwhile Loki stood there smirking with his head held high.

#loki #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #loki x y/n #loki x oc #loki x reader #loki x you #tomhiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x you #thor #thor ragnarok #avengers infinity war #bucky x reader #steve rogers #hulk #tony stark #avengers fanfiction #bucky barnes

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catch22inareddress · 6 years ago

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Sassafrass Chapter Two: Part Deux

Bucky put his hands up in mock surrender. "Honestly that's it. And thank you for wanting to protect my virtue from such an....unsavory woman." He genuinely laughed and you felt a victory at the sweet sound. You turned around but remained between his knees but now facing the bar. You looked back at him. "Who said you're safe from me Sergeant Barnes?"

You felt him lean in and his breath was on your ear. "Keep calling me Sergeant, and you'll find out how successful that serum truly was."

Your breath hitched as he laughed and leaned back in his chair with your ass on full display snuggled right between his thighs.

Check fucking mate.

As the plane landed, your body was in a damn tizzy. That's right a damn tizzy, and you were sure that if you were a trained warrior princess, you would be in a puddle on the floor. Wanda even tried to calm your frenzied thoughts to which you told to get her red witch way out of your head before your tit punched her. Nat always hated when she was left out of your mind conversations to which Wanda replied she hadn't yet learned to three-way telepathy yet. When she learned to group chat via mind telepathy that shit was going to get real.

On the way to the luxurious car that Tony had waiting slut bags was hanging all over Bucky. To Nat’s amusement, you decided to send a gust of wind her way letting it send her dress straight up and over her head. She quickly dropped her hands from Bucky and lowered her skirt. Her hair wasn't as easily fixed and that was an utter fucking delight. The flock of seagulls hairstyle was not doing her any favors and Sam was having a hay day.

Once everyone was situated in the vehicle, you found yourself next to Stark and as much as you loved the heart that Tony had, his ever-present hard on that quite literally was pressing against you was the most aggravating thing in the world. Ever since he and Pepper were more off than on, he was in full ass mode. "Tony, seriously? How much Viagra do you take? I can feel your mini iron man poking me." Steve chuckled next to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky stop talking to Sam's future roommate and enemy of the state. Tony smirked deviously. "What I can't help it. You turn me into a spring chicken. Plus I'm younger than Gramps and Toy soldier over there."

"Yea, well your lil toy soldier is grossing the fuck outta me right now." You laughed and scurried onto Caps lap and wrapped your arms around his shoulders and settled in. Steve blushed but just wrapped his arms around you. Now you're not going to deny that Steve was handsome as all hell. Anyone would say he was chiseled from marble by Michelangelo himself. He is so sweet that you could get a damn toothache just talking to his stupid smedium shirt wearing ass. He's just no your type. He was more of the I can flirt with you all day and snuggle with your best friend, but that's all. You did appreciate how he could be all Captain mode one minute and then go all shy asking about how he's supposed to please a woman talk. Yes, that totally happened. You were close, flirted and talked about shit from one spectrum to the other but knew that it would never happen. Luckily, you knew that the feeling was mutual. He liked the closeness and being able to not be judged for not being on point all the time and being perfect, but romance was not in the cards for you two. So while he blushed at the closeness of your ass on his cock, he wasn't offended or getting the wrong signal. He was getting a laugh at Bucky's face though. Which he shrugged and smiled, gaining your attention. Another one of Steve's quirks was loving to get under Bucky's skin, call it brotherly love.

"What are you doing Rogers?" He quirked his eyebrow and smirked cunningly. "Oh, nothing doll. Buck's just jealous." You couldn't help but smile. "Please, I told you. He doesn't like me. The man is a hot mess." Steve shook his head. "Again, I hate that phrase. It confuses the hell outta me doll. Hot mess?" You laugh while the car hit a bump and you grabbed his shoulder tightly. "It's not literal you idgit. Also, I told you to download Urban Dictionary you star spangled dumbass." His laugh boomed through the vehicle, and he leaned in. "Either way this a perfect chance to make him jealous. Lean in and whisper something and I'll groan or something."

You smirk at how evil the purest of pure was behaving and for a moment you felt mama bear proud. This must've been how Wade felt every time you told him to 'Fuck off' or 'Suck my dick fucking cock gobbler.' You laughed to yourself but then leaned and to his ear and contained a moan at how delicious the man smelled. "Have I finally brought you to the dark side, Captain? You're being positively naughty." To earn a legitimate moan you but his earlobe and he growled. You pulled away trying to hide your glee at his earnest reaction. It was his turn to lean in, and you took a chance to look at Bucky. He had his mask on and it was unreadable. Dammit to hell! You were never going to catch a break with this mountain of man and metal.

"Y/N did you see his reaction? You have him eating outta the palm of your hand." Steve murmured against your neck. You looked him in his baby blues and felt his head for a fever dramatically. He was momentarily confused.

"Have you been huffing paint fumes Steven Grant Roger's? That man is nothing of the sort." He stared at you a second. "Are you fuckin' kiddin me Y/L/N." You mocked grabbed your chest in horror at his language and he chuckled. "Well I am a fuckin' lady you cock jockey, and I have never been spoken to in such a way."

Once again his laugh took over the vehicle while he made no apologies and he grabbed your thigh since his left boob was currently blocked by your body. "Why is it so hard for you to take my word. He likes you. A lot." You kissed his cheek for everyone's viewing pleasure then continued your conversation. Wanting to keep it PG of course.

"Let me count the ways. Leaving out the sexy exchange Bucktown let loose on the plane that I had to change my panties for. He runs cold with me allll the time. Barely says words in my presence normally glares in my direction. See exhibit A at your 2 o'clock. And generally acts like I'm the bane of his existence." Steve nods and ruminates.

"First, I'm pleased to know you even wear underwear. I pegged you for a commando girl myself. Second, fair enough. Now what I see is he chose the room closest to you when we relocated to the compound. He always sits closest to you during movie night..and really any opportunity comes to think of it. Right now he's white-knuckling it so hard I think he's going to break the car. The last agent that hit on you he broke his arm in training. Shall I continue?"

You released the breath that you didn't know you were holding. "Okay then Cap, what do I do?" Steve smiled and ran his hand up and down your thigh. "Pfft. He won't willingly talk about his feelings. We both know that. So you'll have to break him. Tease the shit out of him with little touches until he caves. He hasn't been willingly touched in years and he's so touch starved it'll be exactly what he needs." Both of your faces mirrored each other. Pure heartbreak. "He needs you. He just doesn't know it yet. And you and I already know you need him so don't even lie to me. I know you better than you know yourself you little shit." You instantly glared but then smiled. "Shut the Fuck up Roger's, or I'll dick punch you, and you'll be down for the count for Sharon." He gasped then narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't." You shrugged and smiled.

At the house, Tony told everyone where their room was at. You and Bucky had a room at the end that overlooked the ocean and pool and had a balcony. "Holy shit Bucknasty look at this!" You walked out on the balcony and leaned on the railing. He came out and leaned on the door frame looking out at you and the view beyond.

" Yea. It's damn near majestic." He said in a flat tone, but it made you smile and face him. "What's this? The infamous Winter Fucking Soldier has a sense of humor? Alert the media." He lowered his head causing his chestnut hair fell forward covering his face. "Not as funny and charming as some but I have my rare moments." You could tell he was shy and out of his element, so you decided to take Stevie boys advice.

You pushed off the balcony and touched his metal arm, instantly he tensed. "Don't be so hard on yourself Bucky. I think your plenty charming when you want to be." You could hear the metal arm whirring and clicking underneath your touch and damnit if it wasn't the sexiest thing you've heard. You knew that he hated that arm with the passion of a thousand suns, but it intrigued you. Many a night you had spent dreaming of what that arm could do. Hell, you and Wanda once spent an entire hour talking about the mechanics of that arm and if he could make it vibrate. Albeit you both were drunk, but still.

You decided to get into your bikini otherwise you were going to have to start fanning yourself in front of Bucky at any moment. It was a navy blue retro style that you and Wanda had picked out a few weeks ago and secretly was hoping Bucky would like. It reminded you of a pinup girl, and the color matched his jacket from the war. As you looked in the bathroom mirror, you knew Steve was right. You needed him, and you were, in fact, the hot mess which at the moment has ten rampant squirrels running wild in your stomach. You walked out pretending to be calm and stopped when you saw him standing there in his swim trunks fastening the tie, shirtless. Usually he would always wear a rashguard at the compound. He looked up at you and just stared, open-mouthed.

"Hey. Eyes up here soldier." You pointed your fingers from your breasts to your eyes, and he blushed. "Sorry. I -I just. You look nice in that suit. It reminds me of dames back in my day. Not the slutty shit you see everyone else wear." You internally high fived yourself for the excellent choice.

Check fucking mate!

You grabbed your iPod and sunglasses and went to walk past Bucky and saw him grab for his shirt and immediately stopped. Not today! "Absolutely not James Buchanan Barnes!" He jumped from your scolding while you snatched the soft shirt out of his hands and held it behind your back.

"Cmon Y/N. Give it back. I'm not going out there without it." You took a step to face him and took a moment to really look at him. Gone was the confident soldier on missions. Gone was the confident man on the plane. He was in there....somewhere. Steve was right. Bucky needed you. You had to bring him out. You had to bring the little bit of James Buchanan Barnes that was still hiding in there begging for release. He needed to meld with the new Bucky.

"Why?" With a soft but firm voice you asked and looked him in the eyes, and you could see his fear of rejection and anger towards the question. "You know damn well why!" He tried to snatch it away but you were able to dodge his hand and quick reflexes. "Tell me, James." He stilled at the use of his real name and bit his lip. You had him. You loved his name and how it sounded coming from your lips. The ways his eyes darkened and the instant reaction that you gained from it. His head dropped as though he was ashamed. "The scar is hideous and I- I'm hideous. I don't want them staring at me." He continued to look down.

His words hurt you and the thought of anyone judging him pissed you off. "Who will judge you? We are family and family love each other, James. I love Wade and he looks like a shriveled up foreskin with teeth. No one cares about your scar. It's apart of you. Who cares about Blondie. If you like her that much. Take the damn shirt. But if she hurts you I will fuck her shit up. As for me. I think you are absolutely beautiful. A masterpiece." He scoffed but it didn't stop you instead it added to your anger and you walked towards him and he walked back until his legs hit the bed. A gush of wind came around you and swirled through the room and kicked up his hair and yours.

"No, you listen to me. You are no less handsome than Steve or Thor. You're just different. You're more perfect because of your imperfections. You're just too much of a douche nozzle to see that. So wear your fucking shirt. Go find big tit Blondie. I'm sure she ripe for the picking. But the only thing that makes you any less attractive to most women is your lack of confidence. Own your body."

You stormed out of the room, and the burst of wind dropped Bucky on the bed, breathless. Wanda and Nat rounded the corner to find a rather flustered air bender storming down the hall. "Oh no. Trouble in paradise?" You shrugged and continued to walk it off. How could someone so perfect be so utterly clueless? "Honestly. I don't even know what the hell just happened. He just infuriated the shit out of me. One minute I think I'm getting somewhere and the next I don't know. I don't know if he likes me or if it's in my head. I don't know if he likes the blonde bimbo. For fuck's sake. I'm in high school again."

Out of nowhere Clint came up behind Nat and picked her up. "Someone say high school? If that's the case, we should be drinking by now!" You wrapped your arms around Wanda, and she held on with her hand. "Please tell me they are hooking up by now. " She shook her head and giggled.

"Not yet but I got a hundred that it will happen by Sunday." You laughed at the thought of Clint finally getting laid and Nat rocking his world. " Oh, dear girl. My money is on tonight." You two shook on it. "My darling little witch?" She frowned at you already knowing what you were going to ask of her. "No." You sat at the bar and dramatically pouted while she sighed next to you.

"The truth is.... I can't. The one time I did try to go in...it was exceptionally hard. I thought I could help him. There are so so many dark places in his mind. He feels so lost and has so much hatred placed on Winter Soldier that it's problematic for him to separate that because it so compartmentalized. I know that he cares for you. But I don't know in what capacity. I'm sorry." She was silent for a moment and then continued. "I can't just feel it when only you are together. He has it when he is with Steve too and but no one else. At least not at that intensity. He's connected to you. It could be because he feels like you are the only other friend he truly has here or he that he has other feelings. I just. .. I don't know." She was so focused and lost in thought that you had to touch her hand to bring her back.

"Love you witchy witch. Thank you. I needed that. So now I know he would at least save me from a burning building. That's something and the ego boost I need." She smiled and leaned into your shoulder. "One day you will have to have a serious conversation with him."

You took a shot of tequila. "Serious conversation? Highly overrated my dearest."

I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! Please message me or post on my page if you want a forever tag or a series tag. Strikethroughs did not work sadly. Love to all!!

Sassafrass @queenoftails @not-mad-just-disappointed @fedora98 @lordemjay @frozenhuntress67 @justmesadgirl @slytherin-in-hufflepuff-robes @roulu @just-a-littlebit-of-everything

Forever Tags @mscaptainjones @ssweet-empowerment @shynara51 @loislp @dragonselene @frozenhuntress67

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ghostycas · 7 years ago

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fuckit im doing my own stadamdrew headcanons

she long n nsfw so she going under the cut

ok so,

warnings b4 i go -bottom/sub adum top/andwew n stewen being heckin supportive

- adam and andrew fuck first. (lesbihonest…. theyve fucked.) - Adam’s never been w a guy before and he nearly had a panic attack as andrew kisses down his chest so they gotta put on the brakes - (andrews already laying between his legs and his breath is ghosting over adams groin when he mutters “wanna slow down?” but o jesus no adam does not he just can’t really breathe when drew looks at him like that) - adams eyes r bigger than ever and srsly they’re gonna fall out if he doesn’t relax so andrew grabs his hand and puts it on his head - he pushes at adams fingers until he grips into drew’s hair and drew looks up and says “you’re in control” - andrew goes down on him and adams tight grip on his locks turns soft and petting within seconds - he pants so prettily and guilds andrews head just how he likes it and andrew sticks his tongue out so nicely as adam cries and cums onto it and cries some more - when they’re back at the same eye level he offers but drew shakes him off since he can barely move. instead adam sinks his hands into drew’s hair again and apologizes a hundred times over for dumb things until drew smacks him away and turns him over and forces him to spoon w him

- andrew n steven r next. ovi. - they’re in a hotel room, buzzed and full of whatever they’ve been binging on lately, and it’s just a mess - they’re giggling like kids cuz they’re trying to mess around but andrews still got one shoe on and it’s really funny for some reason - steven nearly falls over trying to get outta his tight pants and andrew has to grab at him and they’re both laughing messes - once they’re finally laying down half naked andrew has to pine stevens face between his hands to get him to stop laughing and focus on kissing him and steven just melts into goo between his hands, reaching up to grip them and hold them and tangle they’re fingers together - they don’t wanna go all the way just yet but andrew keeps sticking fingers in stevens mouth n it’s really hot and steven has to say “u betta stop unless u gonna put those somewhere” - …. he puts them somewhere - stevens hand is pressing their cocks together and andrews hands are fumbling downstairs and steven can’t even think let alone see straight - andrew comes first bc steven writhing and twisting on his fingers is really hot and he looks down to see they’re cocks in his little hand and he just tucks his face into his shoulder and looses it - it wouldn’t take much more but a lil bit of sweet talk speeds it up hella - “do you need more? you want another? c’mon sweetheart c’mon honey cum for me steven c’mon baby” - yup! that’ll do it!

- then they’re in a hotel room. vegas maybe?? it’s just the three of them so they just got one double queen room for the night (since they’re blowing hundreds of dollars on food) - steven and adam are pretty much drunk, stevens dumbly hanging off his shoulder as they walk from the elevator to their room - andrew isn’t like drunk but he’s feeling good™️ yah know - adam and steven collapse on the one bed and stevens obviously cuddling all up in his aaarea. - andrew is giggly and is like /hey,, lemme get in on that,,,/ - and steven literally screams as he pulls andrew on top of them and now they’re just wrestling - they land w andrew tucked sideways into adams chest & under adams arm and steven on top of both of them w his arms wide over them mumbling about his boys, his pals, his boys - adam and andrew make awkward eye conact but adam just smiles and presses his nose into his hair - stevens face is already against adams collarbone and he’s like …. “would it be weird if i gave u a hickey rn” - andrews like… yes (cuz he doesn’t know… yah know… he’s trying to be protecting both his boys) but adam just laughs and is like “go for it man” - andrew like looses his shit like, legs flailing laughing - but he calms rIGHT the FUCK down when steven actually does it………. - steven laughs and is like “is weird w the beard…” but he must find a spot he likes cuz he’s like, kissing up adams neck like right in front of andrew - and adam is still giggly but he’s got a soft hand petting over stevens hair as he marks him up and yah uh andrew’s kiiiinda hard

- it takes them a second to realize what’s going on (“having fun there steven??”) but uhhhhh - so andrew kisses adam and then playfully licks at steven and they kinda know what’s going on - (lucky adams a little drunk (still able to fully consent ok this is allll fine) because if he was fully sober and had t w o boys on him he would probably be crying) - and steven playfully kisses andrew and they’re both kinda laying on adam and andrew (stupidly) goes “yah uhh i’ve had sex w both of u xD xD!!!” - and steven and adam make weird eye contact and then steven just like, hits andrew in the shoulder and goes “why did u get to have sex w adam first??!!” - “dude he came onto me!!!” - “totally not fair” - “you can have ur turn!!!” - and then shit goes kinda quiet, aaaaaand steven starts pushing at adams shirt until it comes off somehow and now adam and steven are rolling around licking and nipping at each others chests and honestly the zipper in these jeans AINT gonna make it if andrew don’t do something - adams laughing and holding stevens head at a safe distance to keep him from attacking his chest and muttering something about how he’s sooo cute and whatever - andrew interrupts by trying to kiss adam, and when he gets a good angle adam like melts back into the bed with steven falling between them so andrew, a problem solver, crawls on top of adam to kiss him until he’s jelly - “r we…. r we doing this?” says steven from his spot on the bed - andrew breaks apart to giggle. “i’m in.” - adam is literally starry eyed. like he’s got one arm hooked under steven holding him close and one hand on andrews thigh - steven is staring at him and oh jeez don’t embarrass ur self bianchi - *shifty eyes…* “…can i bottom?” - ok and andrew literally goes into cardiac arrest like (the hc can end here if you’d like. adam just just killed andrew gn!) - steven smiles like the damn sun and is like “yes bitch ask for what u want!! respect!!” (but no really he just like makes out w him for a second while andrew is literally still dying in the background) - drew’s got a hand around his zipper signifying that he plans to top adam (hooolllyyy sh#t) - “steven?” asks cuz he doesn’t really know how to do this w three people - steven sees that he’s literally one second away from already fuckimg adam and he’s like “yes. do it.” - and now they’re naked - and someone for some reason brought supplies and steven is kissing adam and adams jerking him off and andrew is stretching adam and it sounds like a mess looks like a mess but feels fucking incredible because there’s like… trust and love and gentle gentle hands and everyone is feeling good - steven gets close to adams head (adams on his back, andrew on his knees between his legs) petting thru his hair and holding andrews hand and lives vicariously thru BOTH of them as andrew sliiides home - adam maybe cries - (its bc steven is kissing him and andrew is holding him and they’re smiling at eachother and /his boys his boys his boys/) - andrew pets back his hair and shushes him and presses his mouth to his forehead and his mouth and his throat and adam tries to keep breathing - steven is … the worst bc he’s so into this (it’s like… porn right in front of u… and it’s real and emotional and he can touch them oh my god) and he’s like “c’mon drew, give it to him, c’mon he needs it” - adam can’t even understand what he’s saying but he agrees! - “c’mon drew, give our boy what he wants cmon” and jfc andrew is gonna blow if he doesn’t shut him up so he grabs him and kisses him good and holds him and feels him up cuz he can!!! - he wraps a hand around stevens cock and lays him down beside adam. he thrusts into adam as he jerks up and pulls out as he jerks down and adam is right in his ear panting and crying “ohhhmhgoddstehhhsteven o oh m my g g ooooahh” w every thrust and ok! that’s it for mr lim cheque please! - he’s hold onto andrews arm as he cums and crying into adams neck and holy shit - andrew gives him a sweet kiss before turning back to adam and adam can feel his intentions in the swell of his cock and ok! he’s ready - “c’mon drew. fuck me.” … n u don’t gotta tell him twice ok - the next like two minutes is adam holding andrew around the shoulders and grabbing his back and completely blissed out. andrew n steven are saying something and he thinks he’s saying something ? but he really can’t hear over the blood in his ears - steven catching his breath, but he’s reached down and is gently jerking adam off since he prob can’t cum from cock alone (he prob can) and really just wants his hands on them - andrews whispering “i’m gunna cum oh my god” - “hows it feel” steven asks breathily - “oh my god. steven. steven.” - “it’s ok baby we got u” - and now andrew is sputtering their names and adam is actually just muttering a string of “yes” and “more” but he’s on totally on a different planet - “i’m gonna come” andrew’s muttering “ohh my god” - “oh my god!” adam yells, turning his face into stevens neck “i’m gonna come i’m gonna” suddenly out of his sub drop - steven doesn’t even know what to say as andrew pulls out and comes on adams hip and adams hand replaces stevens and he comes on his stomach - adams eyes r clear now and he’s like woooooowie cloud 9 but could probably use an inhaler - andrew thinks he could faint right here but instead he pushes his face to where theirs r close and just whispers “jesus christ i love you two” and - well that’s the end of that - (jk they clean up and snuggle and it’s sweet but they’re covered in marks and they’ve gotta film tomorrrow and NO ONE BROUGHT A TURTLE NECK)

like? Kudos it here :)

#ok OH MY GOD #i hate myself #stadamdrew #stadamdrew fic #standrew #adamdrew #fic #worth it fic #bfwi #its ok y'all i hate myself too

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kizardofkoz · 5 years ago

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Oh. Boy.

We are tied together by an invisible rope that no one can see but me.

And my cells.

It looks like milk and blood and tears and sweat, pouted bottom lips, first smiles, spit up, engorged breasts, dirty laundry and sweet 3:00 am smiles between burps, after switching sides nursing in the low salt lamp light of the nursery. Because after six weeks of never getting more than three hours of connected sleep, these smiles are nature’s way of making sure that I don’t abandon my offspring. Which I couldn’t regardless because I would feel him cry from 20 miles away.

I have only been away from him for 20 minutes in 6 weeks. Maaaaybe 24. We are tethered together and when he cries, my muscles vibrate and the back of my head floods with blood and alarm and I can not completely relax until he is completely relaxed, because this is motherhood and what I signed up for. Along with the unmatched joy of love, firsts, laughter, chubby armed hugs and sticky kisses. And the unmatched fear of college tuition, physical and mental well being, and trying to decide if it is actually that important to eat completely organic because again, college tuition, and who the heck is trimming their finger nails and when did everyone’s knuckles turn to sandpaper on the verge of bleeding? Who the heck has been managing their winterized skin because it certainly is not me. Where is their mother!

Oh.

Wait.

Shit.

Aquaphor to the rescue!

I have not written in eons because life keeps happening and it is so hard to justify things that I feel I want, arguably need to do. No need to interrupt with a monologue on self care. I am very aware and I also hate the term ‘self care’ and there are more important things I should be doing while you’re talking. Like writing. Or laundry. Or crying.

Anyways. This past year, 2019, was a year to remember and to never repeat.

JANUARY:

I booked my first commercial! Oh, btw, for those who don’t know, I do commercial modeling now. Before that sounds insanely glamorous and braggadocious, I have to clarify that “Commercial Modeling” is the type of modeling that you do in the Midwest where basically you are being hired to fit the criteria of a stereotype. There are Allll sorts of people, sizes, colors, etc. signed as commercial models and it has less to do with a person looking like a runway model, and more with a person just looking like, a person. And knowing how to find your light.

But it’s been a fun new venture in this chapter of life and I have really enjoyed getting to do something *new*.

And get *attention*.

And enjoying the *crafts table* on sets.

In January, we also thought that we wanted to expand our family. I then came down with Influenza A the day after a really wonderful couples Mexican night at a friend’s house.

I prayed that I didn’t infect any other person there.

I prayed not to die.

FEBRUARY!

Two weeks later I got the stomach bug followed by Influenza B two weeks after that. My body was trying to quit 2019.

I couldn’t blame her.

We decided to put child creation on pause until the Fall, as we weren’t even sure it was the right decision for our family as we daily debated the pros (Baby! Love! Four part harmony!) And cons. (Money! Time! Laundry! The time and money it will take to do all of that laundry!)

Steve began traveling more than ever this year. And my body forgot how to be a body.

End February.

MARCH

The day after my birthday we left for our first ever family vacation. We flew to visit my in-laws in Naples, Florida. We discussed that this trip could be a litmus test for whether or not we should expand our family. A test of *Can we really handle this?*. (hahhahaahhahhahha.) The answer to this question is always, Always, a “No”. And if you Can answer “Yes”, you’re naive, because the answer is always “No”. But that shouldn’t deter you. Mostly.

This trip was by far a high-light of the year, and life, really. The boys saw the ocean for the first time. We went on a swamp tour, ate fresh papaya, homemade almond milk, Key Lime pie and picnicked on the beach with pbjs and rosé. We walked around the lake of the condo’s complex every afternoon feeding birds and fish, and I feel like I relaxed and soaked in life in a way that I had not in recent months.

Perhaps years.

There is something so healing about being near the ocean.

There is something so healing about being away from daily responsibilities.

There is something so healing about watching an alligator eat a giant marshmallow four feet from where your family is sitting on a boat with no railing in the middle of our nation’s finest treasure swamp.

IMPORTANT MOMENT:

During our last walk around the lake on our last day, Steve & I were revisiting our initial conversation of *Can we do four?* I said that if I were to look at the past week, assess our lives and deduce all of the information and experiences of traveling and being responsible for these three little men under the age of 6, there is really no good reason for us to expand our family. So we need to come to a firm decision together and I either need to grieve the idea of having four children, which is something, even as a child, I always thought would happen, or we need to confidently decide together that expanding is something we want and we will neither regret nor resent the other person when times get tough.

Because times will get tough.

We decide to wait, open-endedly.

Revisit the conversation at home.

Decide in the fall after we probably move this summer.

Just then a lovely Floridian retiree who looked like he was maybe a sports-coach-businessy-man in his younger years, passed us on the walking path on our left. With complete abandon and zero reason to speak to this stranger, let alone ask such a pointed question, I began:

Me: Excuse me sir.

Sporty-Business-Senior-Citizen: (A little confused why I am interrupting his walk) Yes?

Me: (Presuming he even had children) How many children did you have?

SBSC: Four. Four boys.

Steve and I looked at each other.

And cracked up.

Nervously. Hilariously. With disbelief. And total abandon.

Steve: Why does God always do that for you?

I think because I ask.

APRIL

No more flus! Although a wonderful lingering cough that sounds like I have smoked everything I could for the past several years wakes up with me every morning and really shines when I try to sing at church. I keep kleenexes in my pocket to accompany the sexy vibe of my death rattle and question if my lungs will ever be *just air* again.

Around mid-April I also began to feel really tired. Like, REALLY tired. I would lay in bed with the now-4 year old after reading him his book before nap and wondered if my body was going to be able to get back up.

Huh.

Wait.

Shit.

I know this tired.

I peed on a stick. Because I always have extra tests around the house, stashed like a crazy little doomsday pack rat worried about procreation once shit hits the fan. It will be the Walton’s in their underground luxury bunker, and me in my home, surrounded by a ton of pregnancy tests.

Positive.

I peed on four more sticks.

Positive.

X4.

To this day, I truly don’t understand how or when this happened because I tracked everything and knew when what was happening and the only explanation was that I ovulated twice or something in March, or early April, or a miracle, or I have no clue. But we were supposed to have four children, like my bones always knew, and God defied science and time and we were pregnant again, after trying, deciding to wait until the fall, not trying, while trying to decide what is the best decision for our family, and boom. I was so relieved and elated that we never had to make a final decision. Bonus baby came, and without giving too much information, although my comfort zone is typically a swimming pool filled to the brim with too much information, for the extremely curious and connoisseurs of poetry, from what I could deduce, bonus baby probably happened on April 1st, or April Fool’s Day.

Why does God always do that for me?

Because there are few things I appreciate more than a sparkling sense of humor.

MAY

Shoot a commercial. Boys end school. Begin summer lessons - which I think I love.

JUNE

Decide I hate summer lessons. Our house is too small, too noisy, not good for students, not good for our family, not good for me.

Decide we need to sell house.

JULY

House goes on the market. Hemorrhage money to get the house on the market (This was our first experience selling a house - WHICH I NEVER WANT TO DO AGAIN. It is completely absurd how much money it costs to sell a house. You question how you could have even lived in it before all of the updates and repairs. Answer is, easily. I really loved that house and she served us very well.)

Steve travels a ton.

We find out the fetus, which my friends nick-named “Quadzel” is indeed a boy. Which we all knew, didn’t we? Kozels are never on time. Kozels love pizza, dance parties, and dogs. Kozels. Make. Boys.

4 boys.

Four.

Boys.

There’s four of them.

HAHAHHAHAHhahahahahAHAHAHAHhaha

Moving on.

Pregnancy, house hunting, home selling, money, work, parenthood, traveling spouse, about does me in. I cry a lot. And sweat a lot because St. Louis summers feel like you are inside of a dragon’s nostril, and I wonder when this chapter will ever end.

Get offer on house.

Buyers walk away.

Cry a whole, whole, whole, bunch.

Question if the water sac that my fetus is growing in is mostly made of cortisol, tears, nourished by potato chips, bananas and sparkling water.

House goes back on market.

Get offer on house.

AUGUST

Close on new house. Pack. Clean. Paint.

Three biggest highlights of our summer:

1.) Our nanny. She loves our boys and family as if we all share DNA. She is loving, kind, enthusiastic, an unbelievable singer, she laughs easily, cares for my family so deeply, and she puts a cross across my growing belly when she hugs me goodbye. I love this girl as if we share DNA.

She is family.

2.) Our painter. He is incredibly smart, wildly funny, appreciates good food, my children, my chaotic inability to have normal emotions and we enjoy a witty banter mixed with shared lunches of hummus and crackers, discussing thoughts on faith, politics and paint tips, with a few Seinfeld and Jimmy Stewart impressions thrown in for good measure.

3.) Our new house. We won the lottery here. It holds us (and more!), and is a ranch (which I always wanted because our next door neighbor’s house growing up was a ranch and it felt enormous - it was also enormous - but I loved how much space it felt like there was to walk around. To hide from future children).

In this new house there is a place for me to do piano lessons, a swing set (that needs some TLC) and my deal-breaker of finally having a fireplace (there are TWO, which makes us seem waaaay Richy Richer than we are). And my final wish-list item which is a separate mudroom. It’s divine. And has somehow become the room that I spend the most time in, because this is also where I fold laundry as it doubles as an upstairs space to watch TV since the piano took over the main living room area. This also makes us look high brow and fancy, not having a TV in the main part of the house. But then you realize we just moved the TV into the mudroom, which actually reads very desperate, thus creating a fancy-deficit.

The biggest win of all, however, is our street. There are three other families (two a little older) that have four boys. (WHAT?!) It’s like there is some cosmic, magnetic pull toward Y chromosomes to the end of this little street in this little neighborhood, and we had no chose but to move in.

And this lovely little street laid with asphalt and testosterone happens to be notorious for trick or treating. Or the night that we send our kids to bed with eyeliner whiskers stained on their faces, drunk off of sugar and an extended bedtime, while we can go downstairs, drink a pumpkin beer and eat their full size Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

But there are kids. Lots. It feels like a bottled up moment in time where kids still ride bikes in the streets and a dad that throws a football to his sons on Sunday afternoons while neighborhood kids run from one house to the next - or stay where they can until a parent throws them out.

Because you know what is not quiet? 7 year old boys. And eventually they are going to smell terrible. And be somewhat bad influences on each other. But for today, they make dumb jokes and play with Legos and try to impress each other and still cry when their feelings get hurt. I want to bottle up this age because time is limited and those dumb jokes are going to turn dirty, and Legos will be replaced with video games and they won’t cry anymore. Especially when they need to.

We celebrated our 11th anniversary. Steve turned 37 the next day.

SEPTEMBER

All. Three. Boys. Are. In. School.

We are moved into the new house and I spend the next three months with free mornings painting, cleaning, unpacking, decorating, painting, cleaning, nesting, laundry, painting, nesting, laundry, eating and I am the most productive that I have been since 2012.

And we lost and found Pocket about a billion times.

OCTOBER

Pocket turns 11 and promises to quit trying to run back to our old house.

Annual lake weekend with our best friends.

Book an industry gig in Chicago for an airline. Turns out “Tired, pregnant mom” is marketable?

Eat, Paint, Love.

NOVEMBER

I begin contracting. My due date has changed eight times since our first OB appointment. By the end of November I contract every day and every day I think I am in labor. We skip Thanksgiving at my Aunt & Uncle’s house because we are afraid of going into labor two hours from home.

We don’t.

But an alternativeThanksgiving in town at our aforementioned friends’ house ends up being a really special celebration and much needed distraction. Because who doesn’t want a 9 month pregnant woman at their Thanksgiving table, going inward while she contracts between bites of pumpkin pies. I use the plural here because in addition to this family’s gift of being warm and welcoming to us at their Thanksgiving table, they are also notorious for their pie enthusiasm. I had limited time left to eat for two so that day I ate pie for about 9.

Eat, Pray, Contract.

DECEMBER

Part of the gaggle of due dates has to do with the fact Quadzel is measuring large.

After weeks, days and prayers of choosing whether or not to induce, we decided to go ahead and listen to our OB’s advice and do a 39 week induction on December 6th. I had never had an induction date before and for my swan song delivery, I really wanted to go into labor on my own. Screw that. The amount of contractions crescendoing in the three weeks leading up to this induction date sufficed that noble desire. And the exhaustion and impatience from these three weeks made going in the morning of the 6th feel like relief and success.

At 4:41pm, air filled the lungs of our fourth and final boy. My body almost instantaneously felt relief from having him out of me, like a giant fetus sized splinter being removed. Our little 8 lb.12 oz. spud settled down almost instantly in my arms.

Kepler R. Lumen Kozel looked like his brothers, but mostly like himself.

Our family was complete.

The following weeks were mixed with stomach bugs, snow days and Christmas, all jumbled up in every order, and we were trying to adjust to a family of six.

And I don’t think we lost Pocket once.

In one light, my year reads quite magically. New house. New baby. New gigs. New chapters.

Healthy. Happy. Home.

In a different light, I look back and see a mother and wife who was balancing on thinning ice while watching a river of stress and anxiety rush beneath her feet. Viruses, decisions, hormones, pregnancy, stress, raising three boys, working from home, traveling husband, selling a house, buying a house, money stress, time stress, gosh damn inspection failure stress and throw in aggressively paying off credit cards, living as cheaply as possible for months, a few really painful conversations with people very important to me, and trying to be a good piano teacher, friend, sister and daughter. It was too much. I cried a lot in 2019.

And if I could change one thing, I actually wouldn’t change that stress. Or even getting the flu(s) or having buyers back down on our house.

I would like to change my response.

I would like to acknowledge, without shame, the fear and anxiety that bubbles, boils and swirls inside of me. And I would instead take back the wheel from these emotions and after a good hug and a few deep breaths. I would exhale and faithfully consider that my life is not going to catastrophically implode, the stress is temporary, and I don’t have to live in a place where there is a pedal tone of fear vibrating underneath my hours.

(I also have an internal struggle where I realize that all of these challenges are very privileged problems. I am lucky to have these stressors because I was born a white heterosexual woman in a family in a certain socio-economic level, in America. There are still issues within those parameters, but I feel a bit squeaky or tone deaf if I don’t at least acknowledge that I know there are so many, many people out there that wished they had my problems to deal with. But then this goes into my thought process of just how one person’s beauty does not negate another person’s beauty. One person’s suffering doesn’t negate another person’s suffering. We can call just listen to one another with compassion and empathy and respond with “Wow, I’m really sorry you’re hurting”. Or, “That seems like a lot on your plate. I am sorry you are struggling, I would too.” Or for me personally, “What coffee or champagne can I bring you?”)

I don’t know when I will learn to live in a place where I don’t react at 100 and feel my throat tighten and the muscles at the base of my neck feel like if they can contribute and hold my skeleton together, then I have more control.

Because I don’t.

And for the most part, things work out whether or not my throat and neck help.

I could have just gone through last year more relaxed and faithful and end up exactly where I am. Which is a pretty great place. Minus the extra stress and worry. (smerky smerk)

But that feels completely unrealistic, and not even authentic to who I am.

But I can work on authentically and empathetically giving myself space to acknowledge these stressors, and then to breathe. Deeply. Wholly. Holy.

Fear and anxiety will never fully go away, but I can at least relieve them from their driving privileges and promote myself from sitting shotgun in my own shit show.

This past year has also taught me three very valuable lessons:

I will forever be getting a flu shot for the rest of my life.

I truly don’t plan on moving again, for the rest of my life.

If we do end up moving, it will be because we have entirely too much money to fit inside of this house and we will hire people to do every last aspect of moving, from packing things into boxes, to getting a stupid fence up to code, and filling in every nail hole and repainting our walls to make it look like we never lived here. And there are tons. Because I’m a nail three times, then measure kind of girl.

Which is probably one of my most annoying charms.

Along with hearing from God.

And gestating enormous boys.

(Let it be known, it took actually 10 gosh damn days to write this stupid thing. There is never a complete window of time to do anything. Kepler naps about 36 seconds at a time before spitting up and shitting himself and then I soothe him back asleep. And I am tired of hearing every single person’s opinion on the Super Bowl. It happened. I nurse every two to three hours around the clock right now and I internet better than anyone. I am tired of reading about this. Let’s get back to pictures to unconsciously, subconsciously (did you like that?) make everyone jealous, posting funny animal videos and acting like we are all experts on politics. K? K! xo, KK)

My computer isn’t wanting to compute well right now and this seems to be the only photo I can upload from My Photos. Which is weird and wonderful as these are our dear friends who we couldn’t be luckier to do life with. Annual lake weekends and Thanksgivings with them. They have amazing taste in food, music, and style. Our senses of humor and interests seem to braid together effortlessly, and they are my favorite people to share a bottle of wine, Mike’s Hot Honey, or 1000 pies with.

Here is Kepler. King of calories. Poops hourly. And now smiles like a pumpkin.

These are photos from his first 24 hours, when the boys came to meet him for the first time. I cherish these photos more than most earthly possessions and we paid for them and I am getting ever penny’s worth so here are some faves.

And you should check out Crystal Bucky because she is such an amazing photographer.

And here he is yesterday. Wearing a 6 month outfit in his eighth week of life. What a hoss. I love him.

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surveystodestressme · 7 years ago

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21.

1. When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? usually more milk than cereal

2. Do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a winter day? i love it!!! i can’t wait for that feeling, honestly

3. What random objects do you use to bookmark your books? like receipts, sometimes napkins or toilet paper, or usually whatever is near me when i need a bookmark

4. How do you take your coffee/tea? i have a lil sugar and some milk in my coffee, and a lot of sugar and sometimes honey in my tea

5. Are you self-conscious of your smile? not at all

6. Do you keep plants? i don’t have any plants inside my home. we used to have a tomato plant outside but it never grew back

7. Do you name your plants? -

8. What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? occasionally i draw and when i do i use permanent marker

9. Do you like singing/humming to yourself? sure, i don’t usually mean to hum but i sing to myself allll the time

10. Do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? it’s a mixture between my stomach and my side

11. What’s your inner joke you have with your friends? ummm, i have so many it’s hard to think of one right now though.

12. What’s your favourite planet? i think jupiter is incredibly fascinating

13. What’s something that made you smile today? seeing my sister graduate from retraining

14. If you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? i’d like a really nice apartment. nothing too big or too small. i want a large kitchen though, where there’s enough space for all of my stuff and so me and jack could coook together in a nice space. i want the bathroom to have a tub/shower combo so we can take baths and showers together. i don’t really care how big the bedroom is, but i want a walk in closet bc i have a lot of shit. then i want the living room area to be big enough so we can both have our desks and computers in there, and our 2 couches that we already have.

15. Go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! “Neutron stars can spin at a rate of 600 rotations per second.”

16. What’s your favourite pasta dish? oh golly. i love pasta salad. i’m very picky on it though

17. What colour do you really want to dye your hair? purple

18. Tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. omg so one time i made videos on facebook for my friends when i was really young. i made a video about stupid shit like unicorns and sex and my friends tagged me in it every single year to remind me about it until i eventually deleted it and now they found another one of those videos and they still bug me about it allll the time,

19. Do you keep a journal? What do you write/draw in it? yes, but i don’t write in it nearly as much as i used to

20. What’s your favourite eye colour? i don’t have one

21. Talk about your favourite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. well, my mother got me this really nice tote for christmas either last year or the year before and it is pink and grey striped and it says “punky” on it, which is my nickname. i take it to work with me every day and i just love it to pieces... but it really needs to be washed lol.

22. Are you a morning person? absolutely not

23. What’s your favourite thing to do on lazy days where you have no obligations? i like to lay down and either watch a show or read

24. Is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? my boyfriend.

25. What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? i’ve broken into my own house before... actually, a few times

26. What are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i had a pair of moccasins that i wore with EVERYTHING but i just recently got rid of them because they were pretty nasty and worn down

27. What’s your favourite bubblegum flavour? anything fruity

28. Sunrise or sunset? sunset.

29. What’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i love when jack talks about computer stuff, he loves it to much and it just makes me happy and kind of turns me on sometimes..

30. Think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yeah

31. What is your opinion of socks? Do you like wearing weird socks? Do you sleep with socks? Do you confine yourself to white sock hell? Really, just talk about socks. yeah, i love socks almost as much as i love shoes. i never wear socks to bed because it makes me feel hot. i do have white socks but they’re no show socks so nobody sees them anyways. the weird thing is, i always have to buy new socks because i forget to cut my toenails and then they become talons and they cut through the fabric of my socks and then i have holes in my socks and i have to throw them away... lol. it sucks

32. Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with your friends. oh god. my friends and i used to party a lot after we graduated high school. i’ve definitely almost lost my virginity at one of those parties. i also kind of threw myself at anyone there. like, by the end of the night i had ended up kissing almost everyone at the party. it was kind of pathetic and i;m very glad that i’m passed that.

33. What’s your favourite pastry? i don’t think i have one

34. Tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. What is it called? What does it look like? Do you still keep it? i never had a stuffed animal as a child. i had a baby blankie that i just recently converted into a pillow case

35. Do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? Do you use them often? nahh

36. Which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? i dunno, something mellow and relaxing

37. Do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean

38. Tell us about your pet peeves! i have so many, man. like, i had when i can hear people chewing on their food, when i am trying to sleep i need the room in complete silence and when someone (my cat or if i’m sleeping in the same room as someone else) makes noise it really pisses me off

39. What colour do you wear the most? black.

40. Think of a piece of jewellery you own: what’s its story? Does it have any meaning to you? i don’t wear a lot of jewelry to be honest.

41. What’s the last book you remember really, really loving? i just finished the illuminae books and they were terrific!

42. Do you have a favourite coffee shop? Describe it! i like the broken tree that’s a couple minutes driving distance from my house

43. Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? jack probably

44. When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? right now

45. Do you trust your instincts a lot? i try to

46. Tell us the worst pun you can think of. i am so not good with puns guys

47. What food do you think should be banned from the universe? beets.

48. What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today? oh god, i had a fear that something was going to come out of the toilet while i was sitting on it and eat me or drag me in or something. and then after i watched the movie mirrors, i was terrified to look into any reflective surface (i still am sometimes)

49. Do you like buying CDs and records? What was the last one you bought? i haven’t bought any in a really long time

50. What’s an odd thing you collect? i collect shot glasses, but i don’t think that’s weird

51. Think of a person. What song do you associate with them? i think of same love when i think of my sister bc she’s gay lol

52. What are your favourite memes of the year so far? i’m not really into memes

53. Have you ever watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Heathers? Beetlejuice? Pulp Fiction? What do you think of them? i’ve actually never seen any of those but i really, really need to

54. Who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? this guy at red lobster who sat down before us but didn’t get waited on until 10 mins or so after we had gotten waited on, i felt bad 4 him

55. What’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? i’m so dramatic, man, i can only imagine

56. What are some things you find endearing in people? idk

57. Go listen to Bohemian Rhapsody. How did it make you feel? Did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i love that song! it makes me feel so many emotions, especially the first time i heard it. i always dramatically lip sync that song lol i love it so much

58. Who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? Why? i am definitely the vodka aunt and i think my friend mariann would be the wine mom lol, just how our personalities would be

59. What’s your favourite myth? bigfoot

60. Do you like poetry? What are some of your favourites? i’m not a huge poetry person honestly.

61. What’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? The stupidest one you’ve ever received? i got a silly figurine last year that made no sense to me and i gave my brother a snuggie for his dick as a gag gift a few years back lol

62. Do you drink juice in the morning? Which kind? nope, but if i did it’d be apple juice

63. Are you fussy about your books and music? Do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be? yes i have my books in alphabetical order according to series and stuff like that. and then i have the books i haven;t read on a second shelf so i know that i need to read them

64. What colour is the sky where you are right now? black.

65. Is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? of course

66. What would your ideal flower crown look like? light blue, dark blue, purple, and red. big big flowers

67. How do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i actually really like them

68. What’s winter like where you live? it’s freezing as hell.

69. What are your favourite board games? i feel like i’ve answered this question soooo many times

70. Have you ever used a ouija board? my friend used to have one but i am not into that freaky shit

71. What’s your favourite kind of tea? lipton? lol

72. Are you a person that needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yeah

73. What are some of your worst habits? i bite my nails a lot, and the skin around my nails. and i bike the inside of my cheek and my lips a lot.

74. Describe a good friend of yours without using their name of gendered pronouns. idk

75. Tell us about your pets! okay so we have this sweet boy named boone he’s 1 and he is a mini aussie with one blue eye and an eye that’s half blue and brown he’s really dopey. we are babysitting my sisters dogs ava (4) and laklyn (1), laklyn is brown and has lil freckles on her face and she’s boones sister and ava is their aunt. i have a gray and white kitty named boots, she’s 3 and she is the cuddliest and sweetest cat in the world she even gives kisses. then there’s kitten who is a black 20lb monster of a cat she’s 5 and she pees everywhere because she’s a bitch. then we have taz who is a fluffy calico who is afraid of everything in the entire house, she has a snaggletooth. then there’s egg who is a large tiger striped kitty, egg loves attention & her and taz are sisters and are both about 12.

76. Is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? sleeping

77. Pink or yellow lemonade? either or

78. Are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? i can’t stand the damn minions

79. What’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? jack bought me boots on our anniversary shortly after my baby passed away

80. What colour are your bedroom walls? Did you choose that colour? If so, why? purple

81. Describe one of your friends’ eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. striking.

82. Are/were you good in school? it’s a good school, yeah

83. What’s some of your favourite album art? idk man

84. Are you planning on getting tattoos? Which ones? yep!! tons

85. Do you read comics? What are your favourites? kickass and scott pilgrim

86. Do you like concept albums? Which ones? sure

87. What are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the saw movies!!!

88. Are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? all of ‘em

89. Are you close to your parents? i think so. more so to my mother

90. Talk about one of your favourite cities. idon’t have one

91. Where do you plan on travelling this year? i don’t have a plan to travel anywhere this year, but next year jackson wants to go to visit his family in south carolina

92. Are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i’d rather have a lot than a little

93. What’s the hairstyle you wear the most? my hair down bc it’s too short to do anything with right now

94. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? uhhh... my mother a few days ago actually

95. What are your plans for this weekend? the weekend is almost over lol

96. Do you install your computer updates really quickly, or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate

97. Myer Briggs type, Zodiac sign, and Hogwarts house? idk, aries, and slytherin

98. When’s the last time you went hiking? Did you enjoy it? it’s beena really long time, and i really did enjoy it

99. List some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. idk

100. If you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go five years into the past, the other five years into the future, which one would you press? Why? definitely five years into the future. i would just want to see how everything is in my life, see if it turned out how i wanted it to.

#quiz #questions #survey #bored

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reactingtosomething · 7 years ago

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Reacting to Crazy, Stupid, Love

Old Fashioneds for Charity: A Cocktail Philanthropy

The Setup: Kris actually gets into the long version of the Setup below, but this is also the first time all four of us have Reacted to Something together in real time! So it’s super long and a little clunkier than usual, but hopefully also fun. We’ll probably try to do it again at some point.

As always, post-chat annotations are in italics, and you can click on the first appearances of our names to see summaries of the TV shows, movies, and other things that influence our points of view.

LIZ: soo.. Crazy, Stupid, Love.. am I RIGHT?!

KRIS: I’m worried I’m going to disappoint all of you

(Are we all here?)

MARCHAE: Yes!!

MIRI: You laughed out loud multiple times while we watched

KRIS: Yes

MIRI: I don’t think you’ll disappoint us

LIZ: Kris, don’t be worried. We will just unfriend you on social media first and

THEN cut off all contact

IF THAT HAPPENS

MIRI: hahahahaha

LIZ: ❤️

MIRI: So, Kris--thoguhts?

MARCHAE: LOL

MIRI: Or thoughts

whichever you feel like

LIZ: I forgot so much.. Kris go first

MARCHAE: I want them ALLLL

LIZ: General opinion/ reaction then nitty gritty!?

KRIS: I guess I’d like to start with the [name of my writing teacher] story first

Just to explain how we got here

MIRI: Ok, please do

MARCHAE: storytime with kris

KRIS: We’re just jumping right into like late second-act spoilers for Crazy Stupid Love, dear readers, all eight of you

MIRI: omg ❤️

KRIS: So [Writing Teacher] wanted to give us an example of subtext

And writing dialogue that doesn’t suck

So she gave us a scene, minus action description and names, and it’s a woman asking a man for advice on fixing a water heater

And she asks, what do you think this scene is about?

And we know it’s a trick question, but for whatever reason even the people who’ve seen the movie haven’t picked up on it yet

So the answers are like “she doesn’t really want to ask for his help”

LIZ: Sneaky. Love it

KRIS: And then [Writing Teacher] turns on the TV and there’s the title screen for Crazy Stupid Love, and some people are like ohhhh

And [Writing Teacher] doesn’t say anything and she goes to the scene, and obviously it’s not even remotely about a water heater

And more people are like OHHHHH yeah

And I was like, damn

That’s good

And I guess I was over at Miri’s, or maybe we met somewhere for something, and I was telling this story

MIRI: “Damn. That’s good. Maybe I should listen to Miri when she tells me to watch things”

KRIS: And it comes up that I haven’t seen the movie

And Miri is like

MARCHAE: (Which is still unbelievable)

KRIS:

MIRI: You’ve used that gif about me more than once

KRIS: Yes I have

It’s a good gif!

I like Elizabeth Jennings!

MIRI: And I am still complimented and also concerned

It is an excellent gif

KRIS: So this was October, I think

MIRI: I like her too but I’m not sure I should want to be her!

October sounds right

LIZ: I dont think his advice was even legit to be honest so don’t read it or watch it if you are struggling with a water heater issue!

Liz is looking out for us all, dear readers

READ THE MANUAL

KRIS: And every once in awhile it would come up and Miri sort of led this slow-but-steady charge of We’re Going to Make Kris Watch Crazy Stupid Love

and Kelly signed onto this in some capacity

Kelly is Miri’s roommate and another friend from our grad program

And obviously Marchae and Lemon

Reminder: Lemon = Liz

So here we are

MIRI: We’re humanitarians like that

Here we are!

KRIS: that was a looooot of preamble

sorry

MARCHAE: (And we had to get you on board with Hamilton too... kris I see a pattern)

MIRI: I like the preamble. Now, tell us your thoughts!

KRIS: I liked it?

See this is why I’m worried about disappointing you

MIRI: Are you not sure about that?

Or do you just not have more expansive thoughts?

KRIS: No, I’m sure

LIZ: you did like it or you liked it ?

KRIS: I’m sure there are more thoughts, but I’ll need some prompting, I guess

MARCHAE: I'm sitting on the edge of my seat her!!!

Here*

MIRI: Ok, we can prompt

LIZ: Who cares what we think! I took some notes because I forget a lot of things and a lot of my notes were sassy.. so what?

KRIS: I think the only thing I’d seen Gosling in before this was The Nice Guys

MARCHAE: Ok can you talk about the Ryan Gossling character

LIZ: MASCULINITY

MIRI: WHAT

LIZ: GOD

MIRI: ???

LIZ: go*

KRIS: and probably a couple of episodes of Young Hercules

LIZ: hahaha

MIRI: WHAAAT?

LIZ: this is a topic for another day

MIRI: True

KRIS: I never saw The Notebook

MARCHAE: What!?!

LIZ: LASDKF;SLAKGJASL;KFJASLKJF

MARCHAE: What is happening!?!?!

WHAT IS HAPPENING

LIZ: You need to want ALL OF IT EVERY DAY (the notebook that is)

KRIS: I can see there’s going to be a Make Kris Not a Philistine syllabus at some point

MIRI: YES

But also you have tons for us to watch too

KRIS: I guess where I was going with this is that I realized watching CSL that Gosling has pretty strong Brad Pitt vibes

MIRI: Focusing on this movie!

RYAN GOSLINGS IS SO HOT in this. And I love that he’s hyper masculine without being so in all ways.

KRIS: Does that seem right? Or was this not representative?

LIZ: Talk about... representation in this movie... I had a lot of questions about masculinity rewatching

MARCHAE: Ew

So did I liz

LIZ: and then about how women are portrayed obviously always.. but what are your gut reaction thoughts

MIRI: Like, he’s got some slightly effeminate affectations that go with his kind of dandy vibe

MARCHAE: And Miri to be clear the ew was for you

MIRI: Um ouch??

KRIS: Hang on I’m just pulling up IMDB to get character names

LIZ: ew what? he’s very hot

MIRI: You don’t think he’s hot?

LIZ: did you not see his body

MIRI: He’s hot!!

It’s like he’s photoshopped!

LIZ: HAHAHA exactly

MARCHAE: And now you liz. No i think he generally looks dehydrated and like he needs to bathe

LIZ: ........

MARCHAE: The photoshopped line is funny but no

LIZ: He has a tan?

MARCHAE: Go on Kris

KRIS: Marchae’s descriptions of unattractiveness are always so specific

Miri: Marchae once told me she thinks the Rock looks like a toe and I have NEVER forgiven her for it.

MARCHAE: I am also tanned

MIRI: Ohh, you’ve had this complaint about him before that he needs to wash

K: Marchae was not rooting for La La Land during the Oscars

KRIS: “dehydrated”

MIRI: Ok, let’s talk about toxic masculinity and this film’s deconstruction of it Because I’m into it

KRIS: OK

MARCHAE: Yeah the bags under/around his eyes -dehydration

LIZ: lol at marchae’s tan.. and nobody’s here to say YOU ARENT HOTT! ❤️ 😉

MIRI: very true! 🔥

MARCHAE: Thanks gang

MIRI: I think the film is pretty clear on the fact that Jacob’s perspective on women for most of the film is not super healthy or ok

(and also he could use some therapy)

MARCHAE: Ok so I did [rewatch] and I think because I knew we were talking pay more attention to how okay women are with RGs character

MIRI: And we’re all tired of the whole The Right Woman SAVED Him narrative, but I do like that he has actual growth

I would argue that he’s a womanizer, but not a misogynist

KRIS: (I did wish both Emily and Hannah had bigger stories in this)

MIRI: (or at least not to the extent of most)

Kris, I second that

MARCHAE: Same here

MIRI: And not just because they are both such talented actors

The movie is mostly about the men’s growth

MARCHAE: Miri I feel like he might teeter on that line. He almost feels he has a right to these women he seeks out

MIRI: But the women are allowed to be characters rather than set pieces more than most

MARCHAE: Kind of like that one that's the one I want and I will get her

KRIS: Yeah, and of course it’s not inherently objectionable that this is a story about two dudes

MIRI: except the women they sleep with, mostly

Very true! I think we could use more stories about men having emotional growth and healthy friendships

MARCHAE: No not at all (three if you track the little boys story)

YES!!!

MIRI: The whole “You don’t ask them, you tell them that they want to come home with you” thing is not great. It’s pretty bad. But it’s also not the language that they ever use when actually talking to women--it’s always “wanna get out of here” type stuff

So I think that Jacob is not as much of a misogynist as he thinks he is!

I may be being too forgiving

But I love him

LIZ: I think he feels less entitled to the women and more just confident in his “game” bc consent is obviously important to him.. he doesn’t have to talk anyone into anything, which SHOULD BE THE WAY IT ALWAYS IS but unfortunately is not in real life and in how “wooing” is portrayed in film and what nots

MIRI: Very true! He’s super forward, but will take no for an answer without being creepy

KRIS: I feel like on the page Jacob would probably come off as more of a dick

Gosling underplays it in a way, he’s very not Frat Dude

MARCHAE: I agree Kris!

MIRI: When he first hits on Hannah he keeps talking as she leaves, but he never gets up or tries to stop her (Again, low bar)

Yes!!

The performance really makes it

LIZ: That character could’ve easily ruined the movie

the shopping with Cal part is especially lovely

MIRI: Love that!

KRIS: I think that’s because Hannah specifically was never really his objective; at that point she’s interchangeable with any other woman he might want to take home

LIZ: I am a sucker for physical humor apparently (throwing his shoes and slapping him(

MARCHAE: I don't generally love him and Hannah/Nanna notes the ridiculous nature of the game he plays

MIRI: I also adore the section where they talk and have the infomercial stuff--one of my favorite film sequences

MARCHAE: So then I'm on board once the movie itself recognizes ok this guy is a doofus

MIRI: Do we believe that he actually remembered hitting on her that one time when she kisses him? Or is he just going with it?

KRIS: That’s an interesting question

I think the intent is that he remembers her

LIZ: Gosling also never said like “all I want is to have the sexy times with as many women as possible”.. he just is kind of good at it.. I think if he ever said that was all he cared about or aspired to be... he’d be an asshat of the highest caliber

MIRI: I think the movie always knows that he’s a doofus, but doesn’t show its cards early

KRIS: I’m not sure if it’s the answer that makes the most sense or is the most interesting

MIRI: I’ve never questioned it before

LIZ: I think he remembered her bc she turned him down

and we don’t see anyone else do that

KRIS: I buy that

MIRI: Nice

MARCHAE: *YAS LIZ*

MIRI: Do we believe his redemption? Or change of heart or whatever?

LIZ: But then I felt like.. masculinity is kind of very set in stone and in stages of life in this movie

I know it is more complex

but does society kind of not ask it to be?

MIRI: Say more

What stages do you see?

LIZ: The kid with the crush ... the womanizer sexy young guy... the sad dad/ divorcee with his walking shoes and ill fitting clothes

MIRI: And are you saying the movie reinforces those ideas about particular types of masculinity or no?

LIZ: Cal is able to kind of morph into Goslings characters TYPE and I think at the end he is his own person and a NEW version of a man, but the ENTIRE movie kind of puts men in boxes.. which is FINE BC WOMEN ARE USED TO THAT TOO

KRIS: Is this kind of a Dan Fogelman thing? I’m not super familiar with his corpus

LIZ: and the douche boyfriend of hannah is kind of the alternative to the sexy young guy.. the safe boring young guy like SHOULD I MARRY KOKOUM.. STEADY AS THE BEATING DRUM? that shit

I am asking.. because I don’t know!

MIRI: Hmmm

KRIS: I think these are definitely all types/boxes but I don’t know if I’d map them into linear stages

MIRI: Maybe it’s more a question of him using and playing with types than anything else

MARCHAE: Liz I notes that too though not as eloquently

KRIS: I got more of a “you can be this, or you can be that” vibe

MARCHAE: Noted*

LIZ: There is something to be said of the separated married couple trying to maybe make it work.. and the way Cal turns into a better human who cares about himself and then his life more too bc of that.. idk

yeah

MIRI: And then ultimately you can be you with an element of this and that if you want

LIZ: Like the wife is flawed, but open and trying from the first scenes where he rolls out of the car, which I appreciate

MIRI: While Cal’s journey gets way more screen time, I like the building blocks of Emily’s a lot

“Can women have midlife crises??” Yes, they totally can

LIZ: Yeah I agree, I’d have loved to see more Emily and Hannah

MIRI: And more of Liza Lapira, the friend!

KRIS: Also shout out to Asian Best Friend

MIRI: I love her and she never gets big enough parts!

LIZ: Right!?

MIRI: Kris, were weirdly in sync here and I love it

KRIS: There are like two not-white people in this movie and the other one is credited as “Hip Hairdresser”, so

MIRI: The phone call when Hannah is studying and ABF sees Jacob at the bar is hilarious

LIZ: She deserved to have something nice happen to her.. she gets creeped on by a fat old dude and gets to drool at Gosling! Not fair!

wow at hip hairdresser

MIRI: It is an extremely white movie

Like, down to the extras at the school and office

MARCHAE: Par for the course though for our friend Hollywood

KRIS: Unless you count Emma Stone

Sorry

Too easy

I’ll show myself out

MIRI: HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA

LIZ: Yeah there is no reason why the babysitter and her family or the school staff or the people at the bar needed to be all white.. very gross

MIRI: Omg

It’s very 10 years ago, too

MARCHAE: *KRIS*

KRIS: Oh let’s see if we can finish this masculinity stuff but do remind me to come back to the bar set

as a set

MIRI: We will try

Kris, as our man do you have anything to say about masculinity?

LIZ: like the kid, the dad, the player, the douche.. then the kind of controlled by his wife married angry ish guy (the friend w the mays bag) those are the people to think of as a refresher of type of dudes

KRIS: I don’t know that I have any fresh insights you all haven’t covered

LIZ: insert(eggplant emoji)

well do you think that it has anything right or anything wrong?

MIRI: 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆

LIZ: like the adolescent kid is actually given a good amount of depth

MIRI: There you go, Lemon

LIZ: thank you I didnt know if we could use those hhahahahha

MIRI: We can

MARCHAE: Can I say one thing

LIZ: well

🍆

MARCHAE: I did not love the end bit with the babysitter giving the kid the nude pics

MIRI: THANK YOU

MARCHAE: It was odd to me and not a thing I think a girl would do

MIRI: I find that pretty grody

KRIS: Yeah I didn’t love that whole story honestly

MARCHAE: Like here is my gift to you young flower

KRIS: And I understand that part of this is just my general aversion to humans who aren’t old enough to drink

MARCHAE: And No

MIRI: And technically distribution of child pornography since she’s 17

KRIS

K: As previously established, I am generally not a person who is won over by cuteness of the non-furry-quadruped variety. I’m the one who doesn’t say anything when one of the others sends baby pictures in our group text.

KRIS: But yeah, even the persistent text messages

MARCHAE: LOL

Yes and he kind of quasi stalks her

It's. Not. Cute

MIRI: Yeah, “I’m not going to stop sending messages that make her uncomfortable” is not great

KRIS: I guess I’m not sure when this came out in relation to our sort of broader cultural understanding of social media’s role in rape culture and harassment more broadly

LIZ: Technology moves so fast

KRIS: But that was all on my mind

MIRI: I think it was before that general realization

They still had slide out keyboard phones

MARCHAE: But not before the general realization of stalking

And harassment

LIZ: I think it is harrassment

MARCHAE: And the exchange of kid picks

KRIS: Yeah

MARCHAE: No adult human said

Young sir stop it's not cute

It was all

LIZ: I think things hit the fan sexting wise after this though

MARCHAE: Go get her!

KRIS: BOYS WILL BE BOYS

LIZ: BOYS WILL BE RAPISTS HAHAHAHAH SO CUTE

jk but actually

Her crush on Cal was disturbing

like.. no.

MIRI: He is her dad’s friend!!!

LIZ: I was a hott mess in all the ways as a teen, but no!

MARCHAE: I guess I was lost on why it was supposed to be cute

MIRI: As creepy and not ok as the kid story is, I do like some od it

LIZ: The little girl.. the youngest.. Lets write her sequel.. she needs the most therapy

MARCHAE: I thought all of this the first time

MIRI: Like it was definitely written by a guy not really getting the reality of rape cultre

culture

MARCHAE: RIGHT

MIRI: but I do like that his idea of love is neither purely romantic or solely sexual. He sees her as his soul mate and it’s nice to see more than one aspect of attraction represented in one

MARCHAE: Or the reality of LIFE

KRIS: I feel like a lot of this movie works better than it should because the performances aren’t too broad

Like everyone’s actually pretty easy to empathize with

MARCHAE: I think you're right though

If even one of them has been not redeemable it would have not worked

LIZ: I think soul mates are kind of bullshit.. which isn’t unromantic of me, but more like... we see that this idea can force things that are not right and its not good for young people to fixate on someone like that!

KRIS: Even Jessica (babysitter) isn’t presented as hysterical or like, hormone-addled

MIRI: True

Oh I think soul mates are bullshit too

MARCHAE: The kids are all pretty self aware

I guess that gives it the pass

KRIS: So as uncomfortable as the story is when you take a step back, from pretty early on -- I’m thinking the car scene when Cal drops Jessica off -- she’s kind of restrained and thoughtful

LIZ: the only semi hysterical female is the teacher

but i think she is kind of fucked with in ways that bring that out

MIRI: My computer is being weird so sorry if my texts come in at a weird delay

KRIS: So I guess I liked that Jessica is afforded the same amount of humanity as anyone else, if that makes sense

LIZ: right

KRIS: Marisa Tomei!

LIZ: she definitely is

MIRI: I just like that the kid who’s jerking off to a girl also likes her as more than a sex object

Yes

LIZ: Ugh that is so gross

MIRI: Marisa Tomei is so funny

What's gross?

LIZ: yes she’s great

MIRI: Him jerking off with her IN THE HOUSE?

LIZ: Just thinking about having kids of either sex that age

I can’t pick which one would be worse

KRIS: ha

MARCHAE: But he also isn't apologetic to the fact that he's made her uncomfortable about it and that's what bugs me

LIZ: he does apologize at one point

MIRI: I genuinely am bothered by that too

LIZ: but it kind of takes his world being crushed

which is odd

KRIS: Well, I don’t like it as a story but I buy it from a 13-year-old

MIRI: All of the men need to Grow Emotionally in this movie

LIZ: I guess

yep

MARCHAE: But doesn't he say I'd do it again and she laughs

MIRI: And the women mostly need to get outside their comfort zone, I guess?

K: I don’t think so, actually. I’d say it’s more something like, they need to be willing to say what they want/need from relationships, and/or don’t expect your partner to be a mind-reader.

MIRI: I like that reading. I also think they need to be willing to examine what they want for themselves--Jessica does’t end up with a partner but she seems to be happy and to have realized that pursuing a crush that inappropriate is probably not the way to go.

LIZ: I have specific questions at some point about certain parts of the movie

MIRI: Go for it!

LIZ: Hannah being seen as “chaste” by refusing Gosling’s advances kind of give her that angel dynamic, versus the slut thing that all of the women who readily go with him automatically might get, so then she DESERVES to hear about this parents and see his massage chair and be his one love... and I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THAT

also.. I did note.. “WHY IS HIS MASSAGE CHAIR IN THE GARAGE? PEOPLE ARE STARVING” which was in the moment but I stand by it

MIRI: I never thought of it that way. I assume she’s been sleeping with Human Valium

LIZ: I have more but THOUGHTS?

KRIS: I think it’s totally in character for the chair to be abandoned in the garage

But to your larger point, yes

MIRI: Yes Jacob needs to stop trying to buy happiness and start volunteering and giving to charity and funding cool research or something

I think he’d find it much more rewarding

KRIS: I definitely think there’s a (really familiar) undercurrent of assuming most of the women Jacob sleeps with are empty airheads

MIRI: Definitely

LIZ: “Old Fashionds for Charity” a cocktail philanthropy

MIRI: “Am I boring you? I’m totally boring you!”

Well there’s the post title

Well done, Lemon

LIZ: Spelled wrong

lol

KRIS: We can spell it right in the heading

MIRI: There goes our integrity

LIZ: hahahhaa

MARCHAE: I didn't think they were airheads but maybe... as the kids would say

Thirsty

MIRI: I think the intent is that Hannah is the one that challenges him, not that she’s virginal

But it’s still kind of shitty

LIZ: I don’t want to feel seem like Im hating on Hannah btw

MIRI: No, you don’t!

KRIS: Yeah, I think it’s like “Hannah is a Woman of Substance”

LIZ: Her awkward, wet, weirdness where she says what she’s thinking is amazing and I really identify with it.

MIRI: I am a little concerned that she went from being ready for Valium to propose to in a pretty heavy relationship with Jacob over the course of a rainstorm

Yes! Great moment of weirdness

When she’s asking about the logistics of his moves it’s amazing

LIZ: I felt like she thought he might and shed be flattered, but I think she also might have had a come to jesus moment if he HAD proposed and left also

MIRI: Fair

KRIS: I got the sense there was a little bit of a time lapse presumed after they get together

LIZ: bc its at a cheese cake factory type of place (not that nice even) at a mall

MIRI: There’s at least a couple weeks

But still

LIZ: oh for sure

MIRI: The El Torito Grill!

KRIS: I mean even if it wasn’t a super intense relationship I buy her not breaking up with him because Dad Says So

LIZ: oh yeah, she’s an adult... that is insane

MIRI: Definitely!

KRIS: Oh, okay, so now that we’re here, I should say that the Twist worked well enough for me to say “Whaaaat” out loud

MIRI: But also she’s totally emotionally invested

He did!!!

LIZ: because you thought nana was a grandma?

MIRI: It was great!

KRIS: Up until that point, I was sort of like okay, this is a charming movie but I don’t feel a need to rewatch it ever

LIZ: also they are so into their kids.. why does she not come up! it is kind of CONVENIENT

KRIS: But now I would maybe want to rewatch it to see how they plant that

MIRI: They plant it well!

MARCHAE: "Charming"

KRIS: I did have a moment earlier in the movie of like “huh, they cast two redheads”

LIZ: ha

MIRI: When Cal talks about his kids it’s always “my youngest” (rather than my girl) and “I have kids--plural!”

MARCHAE: That's true and he also just calls Hannah Nanna right?

MIRI: right

KRIS: Yeah, and they do sort of plant the banana thing in the not-proposal scene, right?

Or maybe the earlier restaurant scene?

MARCHAE: Yeah!

KRIS: So at no point was I like “buddy, that’s a stretch”

MIRI: Hannah Banana!

LIZ: thats good

KRIS: I would just be curious to spot all the pieces being set up

LIZ: they definitely are

MIRI: It’s a good rewatch

MARCHAE: I like it a lot actually

LIZ: also.. there are cheesy parts.. which seem to be on the nose, but the movie is very self aware

like the rain starts and he says like “so cliche” or something

MIRI: Yes!

LIZ: but his kid is like “dad you did change, you just got new clothes” and I did think BARF OKAY NO

MIRI: And Emily actually mentions how things are “in the movies” when talking about midlife crises

Like, a cliche lampshading of a cliche is still cliche

KRIS: That did jump out at me

MARCHAE: It knew these things

KRIS: I don’t know if it bothered me but I don’t think I would’ve missed it either

LIZ: there was also a part about half way through where I realized why I like tv more most of the time.. like even if I had never seen it.. I knew what would happen and I am so sick of that fake roller coaster/ formulaic bs

MARCHAE: Does that make the movie smart

KRIS: I think it makes it self-satisfied

LIZ: No, but it is cute

MIRI: I think it’s both self-satisfied and cute

KRIS: sure

MIRI: Like, it’s a little annoying but I’ll allow it because I like the rest so much

MARCHAE: Fair

MIRI: Also this is not at all connected to what we’re talking about but “I don’t want your slutty money” is one of the best moments ever

LIZ: oh yeah

hahaha

MARCHAE: And Emily's response was the best

LIZ: because it isn’t overdone or too dramatic.. it is kind of exactly how someone would think they are really telling someone off, but it is more like a passing strange comment built up in their brain

what about kevin

they say his name 3084028408 times and I have forgotten it

MIRI: David Lindhagen

MARCHAE: I was like was his name Kevin?buut I'm there now

KRIS: I’d watched a couple episodes of I Love Dick shortly before this so I was like Oh hey, Kevin Bacon! but I don’t have deep thoughts

MARCHAE: I think the story could have easily been told without ever actually having seen him

KRIS: I liked that he wasn’t a cartoon villain

MIRI: But then we don’t get the fight scene!!!

Which is amazing!

Yes! I think he’s a nice seeming guy who is a little shitty for going after a married woman

LIZ: yeah the fight scene is great

MIRI: He’s not a massive dick, but he’s not a hero

LIZ: nobody really is ha

MIRI: Jacob’s desire to punch him is great

KRIS: Yeah, exactly, I did like that a lot about the movie

LIZ: except when cal calls the bartender.. a cocktail servant that is the meanest thing

Right that felt like real family

MIRI: But he’s definitely seen as being a dick for that

LIZ: like you can be mad at each other but still have a common enemy

MIRI: Even he knows it was dickish

KRIS: cocktail servant was weird, yeah

LIZ: yes he did

MIRI: Yeah I like the way the family can fight and still come together

Very genuine feeling

LIZ: another amazing part... “amy heard you crying in the bathroom. we all thought it was cancer.. thank god!”

and they don’t talk for a while but still kind of love each other and the what nots

KRIS: So about the bar set, I liked that Cal ended up back in that seat after having been in Jacob’s spot looking at some other balding sadsack who was obviously supposed to remind him of himself

It’s simple, but I liked that use of set geography to establish power dynamics

K: Off the top of my head, this AV Club article (on the study table in Community and the elevator in Captain America: The Winter Soldier) is my favorite little internet thing about using a set to establish, and then play with, audience expectations.

LIZ: with a straw!

MARCHAE: Ohhhhh nice!

LIZ: yeah

MIRI: Yes!

Very good use of space/visuals

My perpetual question about Jacob--is he supposed to be Jewish??

LIZ: I also don’t think any women go to that bar twice

for his whole scheme to work

MIRI: He says shvonz (I don’t even know how to spell that) and his name is Jacob.

This is my only evidence but I feel strongly about tit

LIZ: He feels Jewish and sometimes Italian to me haha

MIRI: Yes!

LIZ: maybe both!

MIRI: His actual pronunciation of words does not feel Jewish to me, but that could be regional

MIRI: Please note that I’m not trying to imply that all Jewish people must “sound Jewish.” For example, I have some of the speech patterns that characterize Jewish American speech but almost none of the pronunciations.

Yes, he could be both!

LIZ: but yeah the shvonz (autocorrect can’t guess a thing) seems like yiddish or pretend yiddish

MIRI: Definitely

LIZ: seems like eastern european with a spray tan and a come-as-it-pleases brooklyn accent

MIRI: (HOW MANY TIMES DO I SAY DEFINITELY IN EACH ONE OF THESE??)

LIZ: DEFINITELY A FEW TIMES

MIRI: hahahahahaha YES Liz

LIZ: no I didn’t notice hahaha

KRIS: About as many times as I say “like” and “for sure”

LIZ: or as many times as I ignore punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and grammar in general? jk that is always for me (IM NOT SORRY! I MAJORED IN IT AND I PROVED THAT I KNOW IT)

MIRI: hahahahahaha

KRIS: Marchae I feel like you must have four pages of handwritten notes, is there anything you’re dying to bring up that we haven’t covered?

MARCHAE: HAHAHAHAH

This time I didn't have as many notes!

LIZ: HA

good! that means you just watched and enjoyed!

MARCHAE: My thing was mostly the odd kiddie crush bits that we covered

KRIS: Yeah interestingly I feel like there’s not a lot to overthink here outside of larger cultural issues

LIZ: Why didn’t Jacob buy Cal’s drinks or some of his clothes?

His house is like.. clearly a 4 million dollar plus home

KRIS: Does he ever say what his job is?

MARCHAE: I also wanted to add that I want a story that focuses on Hannah and Jacob

MIRI: That’s true. Like, there’s a lot that’s done really well but it doesn’t take ling to say that

MARCHAE: He's a hustler kris

LIZ: I think he got a large inheritance

KRIS: oh right

LIZ: (pillow talk exposition)

Hesssss a hustler babyyyyy

MARCHAE: Ha!

MIRI: At least he’s not a scrub

LIZ: he knows about new balance rules and he eats pizza w a napkin!

KRIS: That pizza thing is actually the first moment where I thought of Brad Pitt

I think because of Rusty in the Ocean’s movies

LIZ: I think you can wear stylish and supportive footwear btw.. I didn’t like that message

MIRI: Sbaru Sbarro?

I love that moment

LIZ: Brad isn’t my fav

MIRI: Yes, Jacob has some unhealthy rules

KRIS: But he has a similar low-key charisma

LIZ: If you think Brad is charismatic

can you seriously go watch the notebook

MARCHAE: Brad Pitt does?

KRIS: I mean I’ve always liked him

MIRI: In Oceans he totally is

Whether you like him in general or not

LIZ: People don’t forget is all I’ll say about thim

MIRI: We should have Kris and Marchae do a Notebook reaction

And Liz just annotates after

MARCHAE: See the notebook makes me cry

LIZ: oh yes

of course it does

(no spoilies)

MARCHAE: I won't

I'd be down!

LIZ: 😀

MIRI: Ok, anything else we want to say about CSL?

KRIS: I don’t actually harbor DEEP resentment toward Emma Stone for Aloha

MARCHAE: HAHAHA

KRIS: I just hope she makes better choices in the future

LOOKING AT YOU, JOHANSSON

MIRI: Agreed

UGHHHHHH agreed

MARCHAE: Yes!!!!!!!!

MIRI: Like, learn from your mistakes

Stop making even bigger ones

K: Actually I just realized, I’m not sure what else you’re referring to besides Ghost in the Shell.

MIRI: Lucy. While not actually a case of whitewashing, it is pretty bad on the Yellow Peril front and she caught some flak for it...and then upped the ante by playing a Japanese character in Ghost in the Shell.

K: Look, I stopped paying attention to Lucy the second I realized it was premised on that “we only use 10 percent of our brains!” horseshit.

But Johansson didn’t write Lucy, and it was what “proved” she could carry an action movie on her own, so I’m inclined to cut her slack there that I’m not willing to cut her for taking on a specifically whitewashed lead role in Ghost. Expecting actors to answer for writers and directors (in this case Luc Besson) is a slippery slope. Go too far, and it’s like blaming Candice Patton for The Flash writers’ inability to make Iris more than a damsel in distress for longer than half an episode at a time.

MIRI: Very true! I think Lucy is excusable, but Lucy and Ghost combined makes for an uncomfortable pattern. And yes, the 10% of the brain thing is ridiculous.

KRIS: I do like the whole Woody Harrelson Introduced Emma Stone and Brie Larson and Jennifer Lawrence to Each Other thing

MARCHAE: YES MADAM HOT SAUCE DISAPPOINTED ME

LIZ: Amazing

KRIS: We have to talk about this Madam Hot Sauce thing

And we will -- or at least, Marchae will, with our very first Guest Reactor sometime in the next week or two. Because apparently “Madam Hot Sauce” is what Marchae calls Scarlett Johansson, and Marchae has discovered that she has strong opinions about the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

#crazy stupid love #ryan gosling #emma stone #steve carell #julianne moore #liz #kris #marchae #miri #peer pressure #movies #check out our first cliffhanger ending y'all #reaction

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