#they can make allll the funny sounds ever yes
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Wanted to try again at a fursona (love my other one, la Creatura, but they're a bit complicated!) Tried to keep it simple and soft, and boiled it down to two creatures I love: seals and donkeys! behold. my new fursona! a Sonkey! name wip??? I am amazed at how attached I am to them already! they are also very inspired by my favourite cuddly toy, Sweep! I love them a lot!!! uses any and all pronouns but defaults to they/them :3
#yes that latest harbour seal pup video set me onto this bc i love happy silly water sosig#sonkey#deal#mod art#fursona#harbour seal#donkey#they can make allll the funny sounds ever yes
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can you write some more clit tickles please? I loved some of your teases where you used fluffy brushes and feathers but I canât find some of them anymore!!
What if I just tickled your girl button until you can't think straight and you're nothing but a blubbering melted wanting needing gasping gigglegasmed mess, still begging for more ~ how about that? Oooh I think I have a giggle glutton on my hands ~ are you a giggly girly giggle glutton? I know what youuu neeed ~ I know what youuu wahahhannt! Awww I know, I know it's so hard to ask for it ~ you just want all that loving attention on your adorable pearl ~ you want to be teasy spoiled and snuggled by my tickles and made to feel sooo good don't youuu~
Now make with the pants ~ that's right, give them to meee~
Oh no, keep your panties on. We're gonna get you allll desperate and wanting first ~
Funny thing, the lightest little scratch with my nail right along your royal parts is all it takes to start this fire ~ scritchy scritchy up your cute panties, tracing the lips riiight to where your button sits ~ yes, the little royal cradle mmmhmm. And ooh yes, you can try to fight it, try to ignore it. I know these sensations are getting in, you feel that soft material rubbing on your girly bits, just ever so lightly working away ~ I know you already preheated that oven when I took your pants, didn't you? Such a naughty thing ~ My nail can just glide right here, up and down, and I know your cute little button will come out to play ~ Tickle, tickle ~
Aww, it's so bad isn't it? All that touchy tickly attention on your pearl? Yesss I'm just going to touch and tickle and tease and taunt your royal button until you're nothing but a giggly pile ~ and I think it's time for you to make with the panties now ~ mmmhm. Take them offf ~ let's let the breeeeze just settle on your hot little nubbin shall we? Oh? I guess that's not the breeze, just my little puffs of air muuuuah my little air kissies for your adorable clitty ~
Are you ready? I have my feather ~ here she comes, all up your thigh and fluttering in between there and your royal spot ~ Ooh, such a stiff quill ~ I picked her specially for you today ~ and you'll see whyyy ~ let's trace those lips first though ~ yahh, your royal lipssyyy ~ ahh, look at you quiver ~ I'll bet you want to be naughty huh? You want to touch your girly parts for me don't you? Don't you dareee ~ but I know you won't ~ you want your Amy tickles sooo badly you'll do anything I ask huh?
Oh yes, my feather is already up to your button. Tiny tiny fluttery tickles on that adorably swelling pearl ~ let's see how throbby we can get you ~ coochie coooo ~ you can shake your thighs and buck your hips alll you like. It's not gonna stop ~ my feather tip can just caress and kiss and glide on your button and you'll take all my tickles won't you? All these tickles? Right on your girly royal button? There we gooo ~ and we'll take the feather riiight to the underside of your clitty and now we piiiiivot ~ and I can hold this feather riiight here and keep you right where I want you, so my little supple detail brush can take over ~
Mmhmmm. Let it all out. Does it just tickle so bad? My feather lightly trembling under your clitty while my soft soft brush paints your captured button with dancing little twirls~ brushy brushy on your clitty? Moan it out darling, get all those giggles, all those fun sounds out ~ I'm going to take them alll ~ and now we swiiitch and the brush can rest under your clitty daring you to let it down while the feather strokes and strokes and strokes ~ aren't tickle tools so much fun?~
Ahh, still so needy huh? I think you need the brushy snuggle ~ I know what you need ~ this is a brush tickle for wanting girly girls ~ my two glittery handled blush brushes are gonna snuggle that clitty until you fall apart for me now ~ Yes, one blush brush on this side and oooh yeah, another blush brush on the other side and we sliiiip together ~ and mmhmm twist and fluff and brush and stroke ~ all over that tickly tickly button ~ no no you can't escape this precious ~ you want your tiiickles and here they areee~
And guess what? When you gigglecum for me, when you give me all those girly giggledrops ~ ~ we're doing it all over again~! Yeahh let's see if we can get you there even faster the next time around ~<3
By the way, if you are looking for a specific tease you can also visit my dA page. I post most of my teases there too and it's easier to browse through or search than on tumblr. https://www.deviantart.com/missamyrisa
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Hiiii~!
What are my nails doing? Why I do believe they're tickling under your cute toes. And I don't think you can do anything about that my adorable wiggly girl because you seem to have gotten yourself in quite a predicament. You can't pull your feet away huh? Your legs are locked in this trap? Well that's just silly. Why would you be all locked up like this if you have cute toesies and you're ticklish? You know some crazy girl with nails is gonna materialize and start tickling you here. Does that tickle? Does it tickle when I keep your big toe steady and let my nails just scritchy so liiiightlyyyyy in this sparklyyy spot? Right under the toe? Between the toe? How does it feel ~ tell meeee ~ let's hear allll about it. Under allll the toes? Maybe you like the one-finger tickle down here. One finger tickles? Or maybe twooooo ~ two fingers? Yesss two wiggly nails tickle tickling under alll your toessss and you're just gonna sit there and laugh about it aren't you? Aren't you? Silly girly. Laughing it up while Amy tickles your feet, what a world huh ~
You're so cute when you get all blushy giggly you know that? Oooh I know what you need. I mean, good thing those arms are locked forward too huh? Because now I can do this. Yes, let's just get that hair all tucked behind your ear. I have this theory, I've seen tickle spots on people up here. It's a funny thing, but if you could justttttt bare with meeee and cooperate with me mmhmm there's that ear. And ooh, here's my little blushy brush! Oooh listen to that, listen to that sound on my palm. Ooooh! Sooo ticklyyy. You know, sometimes I tickle myself with this cutie and just fallllll apartttt ~ it's that brushy sound, y'know? That sound of skin connecting with the ticklyyy fibers of the brush. And you knowww it's gonna tickle. Uh huh, it's gonna get you. And it's gonna tickle! Don't worry, I'll keep your head steady with this hand and the laughing hand will work the brush and lets just get it spinning like soooo alll across your ear. I know, I know. It tickles! I'm so evil. I can't help it! You're too cute and I gotta tickle you! And ooh, I have this feather too! Check this out cutie, I call it the dream team, we take the blushy brush and trail your outer ear, tracing the curve while mrs. feather here she goes in and twirlsssss sooo gently lightlyyyy at that opening, dipping in and outttt ~ ahhh yes, she's quite elegant and talented. No wonder she's married huh~
Awww did my tickles get to youuu? Tickling up here and down there and it all poooled somewhere didn't it? Didn't it? i hear that moanyyyyy darling. Don't you worryyy ~ you just blush that out and gigglemoan and snickergasp alll you like because I know where you're reallllyyy ticklish. I happen to knowww you have a tickle spot riiight down here on that button yes you dooo ~ Let's just see what sounds you make now when I get this ever so eager volunteer all feathered up. Yes, up and down the feather goesss ~ she looooves your girly button and you loooove to gigglemoan it out don't you? Ah yes, the cute ticklish struggle of an adorable tough girly with an irresistibly ticklish button and absolutely addictive giggle giggle~ and the blushy brush? Why, we'll just let that caressssss and dance along your royal area while we keep your button ever so lightlyyyy tickled and sparklyyyy and delighted ~ and you can let it allll out because we're not stopping until we get everyyy last sparklyyy from youuu ~<3
Omg what a way to wake up....that is so evil and I love it... 𤤠đ
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Home (Four Times Crowley was Lovesick - and Aziraphale Took Care of Him)
Written for @do-it-with-style-events "Who Needs A Great Plan" event, Day 1, prompt "Four"
--
Crawly stood beneath the white wing, watching the rain fall, watching the humans walk away, watching anything but the angel beside him, his smile, the way he furrowed his brow and pouted.
His heart kept doing a funny skipping thing every time he looked that way, which was odd, and made him think heâd gotten some sort of defective body, or possibly that heâd messed something up in the transition from the serpent form.
âYou know, I do think this rain might not be as pleasant as Iâd hoped,â the angel said, tipping his head back so sopping white curls dangled, dripping onto his robe. âIâm starting to feel a bit cold, are you?â
âNah. Mâademân,â Crawly muttered, trying to keep his teeth from chattering.
âWell. I suppose we all have our aptitudes.â He reached down to squeeze the rainwater from his sleeve. âI suppose you carry the fires of Hell within you, or something?â
âSânice.â Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the angel turn to smile at him and now his heart was doing some sort of backflip, and his stomach attempting to dance. âG-g-gotta keepâm somewhere.â
âI see. I do find myself missing my sword, but I thinkâŚâ his lips pursed. âI think itâs in the right hands.â
How could he forget the angel had given away his sword.Fucking brilliant.
Crawly sniffed, and the cold seemed to creep into his nose. âM-mustâa bân-n-nice tâhave a-a-achoo!â
His body must be worse than heâd thought. His entire face seemed to have exploded.
âGood lord, what was that?â The angel shuffled closer, peering at him, reaching up to poke at Crawlyâs nose. âIs this supposed to make that sort of noise?â
The demon braced himself, expecting pain, expecting a reprimand, expecting anything but a soft finger gently massaging the bridge of his nose, pressing lightly as if he might break.
âSâonly a-achoo!â Not again. âAchoo! A-CHOO!â
âThis sounds serious!â The angel now stood so close that his arm pressed against Crawlyâs. âOh! And your hand!â He snatched it up, gently tracing his fingers across the demonâs palm. âItâs cold! Have your fires gone out?â
âNnnnnnnnnh. Sâthâcold,â he confessed. âSâgetting in mânose.â
âWell, that will not do.â Being careful to keep his wing in place, the angel looped his arms around Crawlyâs waist, drawing him into an unexpected softness, a steady warmth. âThere. Is this better?â
âMrgl.â Crawly didnât look over, even as the angel leaned against him. He shifted his am, putting it around the angelâs shoulders, rubbed his forearm as he rubbed Crawlyâs side, but the demon did not look.
It was safer that way.
--
âThen you hold the oyster like this, andââ Aziraphale slurped it out of the shell.
âNgk.â Crowley swirled his wine, glaring into the cup. âIâŚmaybe this wasnât such a great idea.â
âNonsense! Trying new foods is one of the delights of the world.â
âYeah, butâŚI prefer foods that donât smell so bad.â
That made Aziraphale laugh, which made things harder. It seemed to echo in Crowleyâs chest, send his heart into answering flutters. He shifted on the couch, but there was only so far he could roll before it was impossible to drink. Which meant he had to keep looking across the table, at Aziraphaleâs couch, where he reclined in a rolling curve of soft white toga and ate his oysters and wouldnât stop smiling.
âCrowley? Are you feeling quite well?â
âNrgh. Yeah. Why?â
âBecause I asked four times how your wine is and you never responded.â
âOh.â He couldnât remember, so he drank a mouthful, then immediately spat it out. Salt water and vinegar, same as any Roman wine. âLousy.â
âThat doesnât sound good.â And all at once, the angel rolled off his couch and now he was crossing the room and oh Satan, he was on Crowleyâs.
This was a disaster.
Aziraphale leaned down and rested a hand on Crowleyâs forehead. âYou do feel extremely warm. Are you ill? Iâm not sure a demon can get ill butââ
âYes! Yes. That.â He tried to sit up. âVery, very ill. I should go. I should go nowââ
âButââ
Crowley managed to get his feet under him, and his robe under his feet, and he collapsed again, falling onto something softer than the couch Oh Satan it was Aziraphaleâs lap.
âCrowley!â His head turned instinctively and shit, those eyes were so close.
His heart was going to explode, but it was worth it.
âI shouldâŚtake you homeâŚâ
âAhhhhhhhh,â Crowley managed. Yes. Please. Please, wherever you call home, thatâs where I want to be.
âYes. Right. Immediately. Tell me where youâre staying, and I will escort you back.â
âMyâŚmyâŚoh.â His stomach was doing something new, twisting around itself. Like when he saw the Hellhounds getting ready for a walk, but worse. âMâaâthâpâliss.â
âPardon?â
âIâm! At! Thâthepalace.â Great. Now he was either shouting or mumbling. Why couldnât he think?
âGood. Right. Palace.â He slid his arm behind Crowley, supporting him. âDo you think you can walk?â
The demonâs legs had never shaken like this before. âDefinitely not.â
âThatâs alright.â And Aziraphale scooped him up into his arms, as easily as if Crowley were a child. âIâll help you.â
--
Crowley hadnât slept in over a month.
He shouldnât have needed to. Demons didnât sleep. But heâd gotten used to it, most nights, and now his task consumed him day and night, driving him to ever more complex plans, ever more desperate measures.
But finallyâŚfinallyâŚheâd gotten a bloody crowd to see that gloomy talk-y play.
And just in time. Aziraphale had sent word that he was returning tonight, and he was supposed to meet Crowley here, outside the inn. The demon had rooms above, which had been used for scheming and planning and plotting and not, for a long time, sleeping.
He was fine, though. Running on pure adrenaline, yeah, but that just made life good. He couldnât wait to swagger into that theater, spread his arms and show the angelâ
âAh, Crowley! There you are, my good fellow.â
He turned his head and fuck, there went his knees. Aziraphale was smiling at him like he was actually glad to see Crowley, and his entire body just stopped obeying any commands or even regular rules of biology. He staggered, legs feeling watery, his head spun, lights brighter than stars flashing before his eyes, and his heart just ached to reach out.
âCrowley? Is something the matter?â
âMnothang.â Brilliant. He slumped against the wall of the inn, trying to get some sense of reality back. âMâa little tiredâsâall.â
âTired? Are you sure?â Aziraphale rushed forward, cupping Crowleyâs face in his hand. âYou feelâŚclammy. I needâcan you take your glasses off? I need to see your eyes.â
âSzfiiiine.â But he pulled them off, and found himself again pierced by eyes glowing just a bit too blue to be allowed.
âNo, no your eyes are glassy. Andâand look, your pulse is racing.âNow came the concerned look, oh Satan, no one else ever looked at Crowley like that. âThisâŚthis looks a great deal like the latest plague, I saw several villages struck by it coming back.â
âAngelllll. Mâademon. We donâ get thâplague.â Why could he not just speak normally?
âNonsense, you know perfectly well youâve always had a strange constitution, getting sick far too often. You still have rooms here, yes? Upstairs. To bed.â
Will you come with me? The angelâs hand hadnât moved from Crowleyâs cheek, and he never wanted to be away from that touch again. âButâŚâ
âNo buts.â The hand did fall away, but only to grip his shoulder, spin Crowley around and propel him forward, through the door, and up the stairs.
Aziraphale walked past the mess in his room, the papers, notes, maps, disguises, and everything else needed to convince a city it actually liked that blasted play. He steered Crowley directly to the bed, and pushed him down onto it. âThere. Stay put, please.â
âNnnnh.â It wasnât the most comfortable place heâd ever lain, but the rough straw mattress seemed luxurious just now. Something tugged at his foot, and he looked up to find Aziraphale, carefully pulling his shoes off. âStill here?â
âWhat are you talking about? Where else would I be?â He sounded cross.
âThe play.â
âPlay? Play? Oh, yes, Hamlet.â He tossed the shoes aside and settled Crowleyâs leg back onto the bed. âIâm sure Iâll have plenty of opportunities. I hear theyâre planning to run it twice as long as theyâd expected.â
Of course they were, Crowley was good at his job. But there was no point if Aziraphale didnât see the crowd. âGotta go,â he insisted, though his body was already curling up on itself, preparing for a long sleep.
âAbsolutely not.â A rustle, and when Crowleyâs eye cracked open again, Aziraphale was seated on the edge of the bed, taking Crowleyâs hand in his. âI need to make sure youâre alright.â
âHnnngh.â But he was far too exhausted to argue. âWhyârâyaâlwaysâŚfussingâŚlike yâr worriedâŚâ
He didnât hear Aziraphaleâs answer, but in his dream the angel said, âOf course I worry. Whatever would I do without you?â
--
âAll them angels,â Crowley shouted, bottle in hand, âanâspecially Gabriel, can go! To! Helllllllll!â
âReally? And what about the demons already there?â
âThasâth brilliant part.â He staggered a little, grinning at Aziraphale. Their celebration at the Ritz had gotten a little out of hand, but in a good way. A way they bloody well deserved. âThâdemons. They go to Heaven. But. But. Buuuuuuut.â He took a long drink, then offered the bottle to the angel, who shook his head. âWhaâwas IâŚriâriârighââgo to Heaven. But. Donâ tellâem thâpasswords. For anyfing.â
âWonât they just figure them out?â
âNnnnnnnnope! Cuz allll the brains in Hell are right here!â He shouted in the general direction of the office building. âHave fun puttinââŚHasturân chargâaâŚstuffâŚâ He tried for another drink, but the wine had all gone. âAwwww.â
âDonât worry, my dear, weâre nearly home.â
âYa. Sâgood.â Home was good. Plants. Television. More wine. The bed. Hadnât slept all week.
Why was Aziraphale coming with him? Hadnât the shop un-burned down? Had he left something at Crowleyâs flat? AâŚspare bowtie?
Also: why did Mayfair look suspiciously like Soho?
The penny dropped at about the time Aziraphale got the shop door unlocked. âThizzisnâ home,â he pointed out.
âWell-spotted. Come on, then.â
Shrugging, Crowley followed. Thereâd be more wine here, at least, and a sofa to sleep on. Not the most comfortable, but he was tired enough.
Something was different. Crowley squinted at a pile of books, but they remained stubbornly bookish. Ah, well. Sofa.
He slumped on it, waiting for Aziraphale to head to the back room for some wine, or settle into his armchair. Maybe pick up a book to read while Crowley rambled.
Instead, the angel sat beside him.
âAnnngiraphelâŚâ
âCrowley. Are you sure youâre feeling well?â
âCourse. Iâm cebretory. Cerebrorrry. Celebatory. âM partying.â
âYes, I know. ButâŚI justâŚâ Oh, Someone. The concerned, furrowed brow. The pouting lips. The eyes. So much worse than the smile. Good thing Crowley was already sitting, because the room was starting to spin, even before Aziraphale picked up his hand. âI wish you would take care of yourself.â
âWha? I do. Allllays do. No one elseâz gonna doât. Notân Hell. Wily demon, righâ?â He tried to smile, even as his heart and stomach started switching places.
âThen why are you always unwell? Iâve lost count ofâŚof how many times Iâve seen you falling over, unable to speak, too hot or too cold.â
âSsssssânot like that.â
âYes it is! AndâŚand it was bad enough before. Crowley, weâŚweâre all we have left. Each other. AndâŚand whatever it is thatâŚthat gets you into this conditionâŚalcohol, or illness, orâŚwhatever else. I wish you would avoid it.â
âCanât.â
âCrowleyââ Aziraphale pulled his hand closer, eyes pleading, and for a moment the demon thought heâd just discorporate on the spot. Probably would have if heâd been sober.
âCanât. Sâonly one thing thaâmakes meâŚfall orer myselâ. Makes meâŚcanât speak. Sâonly evrrr been one.â
Aziraphaleâs face was so soft. Crowley couldnât figure out how his hand had gotten there, pressed to his cheek, but it was good.
Or not. Angelâs eyes went wide. Probably did something wrong. Crowley pulled his hand back, wondering if heâd be kicked out.
âCan youâŚsober up, dear?â
âNnnnnnnnnnnnidonwanna.â He wrinkled his nose. Shoulda stopped three bottles ago.
âYes, I know. But youâll likely have a hangover either way, and you might as well have it now. AndâŚI want to finish this conversation sober.â Oh, the sad eyes, the serious face.
âAwwwwwthaâs noâfair. Sânot like I cân say no.â
âIâŚyes, you can. It is your choice.â
âNnnh. Canât say noâtaâyou.â He looked around for something, maybe a garbage bin orâŚoh, yes, a planter. Lucky tree was about to get some very expensive alcohol.
He concentrated, pulling all the alcohol out of his body, filling one planter, then another, then another. As the light-headedness faded, the headache came in, pounding and pulsing.
âGlarghl.â Crowley pressed a hand to his eye. âSee? Sober. Happy?â
âNot yet. Can you walk?â A light tug on his hand, and Crowley staggered to his feet, trailing after Aziraphale. Up the stairs? They never went up there. Private bookshelves and sculptures and junk.
At the top, Aziraphale opened a door that heâd thoughtwas a closet but actually led to Crowleyâs bedroom.
Wait.
Crowley turned around, bleary eyes searching the shop. Plants. His plants. His sculptures. Junk. Also his.
Back to the bedroom. His bed, his furniture. Not his room. Wooden walls covered in bookshelves, good sized window looking out at the back alley. He could just see the Bentley parked out there.
âThâfuuuuckâŚâ
âIâmâŚIâm sorry. I should have asked.â Aziraphale gently pushed him towards the bed. âIf you donât like it, Iâll put everything back tomorrow. I just.â A gentle nudge, and Crowley sat on the bed. âI want you close. Where I can take care of you.â
âDonâneed it.â He wriggled his toes, making his boots vanish. It was easier than meeting Aziraphaleâs eyes.
âYes, you do.â A hand on his shoulder pushed Crowley down into the bed, his head onto the pillow
It felt so much more comfortable here, in Aziraphaleâs shop, with Aziraphale beside him.
âNo. Donât need you to take care of me.â He stared resolutely up at the ceiling, searching his aching head for the words he needed. Swallowing, trying to push aside the pain, the soreness in his throat. âI needâŚI just needâŚâ
He couldnât say it. But he reached out, hand groping along the edge of the bed until it found Aziraphaleâs, resting lightly on the mattress. Cautiously, Crowley slid his hand on top of it.
âCrowleyâŚplease look at me.â His eyes wandered down, following the shelves until they landed on Aziraphaleâs face. On his brilliant, angelic smile.
The demon tried to smile back, though his head was pounding. He managed something like a grimace. âNnnnnnnnh. Cân we finish this inâthâmorning.â
âDo you think youâll be better able to talk?â
âMrrrf. Will you be there?â
âOf course,â the angel said, nearly indignant.
âNope. Not a chance.â His thumb traced the back of Aziraphaleâs hand. âI can never say what I want. Sânot even that many words. ButâŚâ Crowley shrugged.
âCan you move over?â Aziraphale asked, sliding his hand out from under Crowleyâs.
The demon blinked, confused, and wriggled further along the mattress.
The bed dipped under the new weight as Aziraphale climbed into the vacated space, laying beside him. âIâŚI could never say it, either. Always something stopping me, someâŚuncertainty. Even now. But I shall keep trying.â His fingers gently brushed Crowleyâs cheekbone. âMy dearâŚwould you like toâŚto make this placeâŚyour home?â
âNh. Shopâs not home.â The fingers jerked away, and Aziraphaleâs brow furrowed, not in concern this time, in pain. Fuck. Why was it so hard?
He caught Aziraphaleâs hand before it could get far, bringing it back, gently resting it against his heart. âThis, Angel. Thisâs home. You.â
âOh.â Blue eyes blinked, a look of wonder in them Crowley had felt many times, wonder at this being who cared for him, who stayed by him. Always. âIâŚI see.â
The mattress shifted again, and suddenly the angel was closer. Which of them had moved? Did it matter? Did anything matter, apart from Aziraphaleâs arm across him, all the warmth and softness he could ever ask for, pulling him in, pulling him close, enveloping him as it had that first day.
âYes. Welcome home, dear.â
#good omens fanfiction#good omens prime#aziraphale and crowley#crowley loves aziraphale#crowley#anthony janthony crowley#disaster demon#garden of eden#ancient rome#Shakespeare#post apocalypse#alcohol#bed sharing#cuddles#pointy demon wants soft angel snuggles#protective aziraphale#my writing#diws#do it with style events#who needs a great plan?
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Genos' statement about Saitama's heroism is awfully bittersweet. I want to believe he would think otherwise if he knew that his actions after Genos died weren't motivated by heroism, but revenge and grief venting.
I hope he opens his eyes in the future, although it seems that now his opinion about Saitama is even higher than before.
Ok, I gotta say that seeing Genos say Saitama arrived and saved everyone made me both mad and sad bc NO! Thatâs not what happened! He DIDNâT show up in time and be serious and the collateral damage was the death of everyone. Ofc everything wasnât entirely Saitamas fault but it sure couldâve been prevented! It just shows that Genos really is biased and fails to see that maybe Saitama could use some self reflection. Iâm sure BOTH of their growth will come eventually but it just makes me sad
maaan genos is acting weird (more than usual) but like i canât help but think the way his eyes kinda look idk âblankâ is not actually himself, like his pupils are usually there, but suddenly they look hollow??? and the way he just nonchalantly accepts that he fucking died like bro what-
So....yup, been getting all these asks about Genos being Weird(tm) and unquestioningly supportive 100% in Saitamaâs favor without any moral misgivings after seeing the memories, which I did cover some here, because instead of his praise sounding sweet, to me everything that came out of his mouth gave off some disturbing red flags. D: Iâm rather concerned for how much this blew up his Saitama-bias into the stratosphere extremes.
(That itâs reallllly funny now when I said hell would freeze over before his faith in Saitama is ever broken, even if he were to learn what happened, but now to push it allll the way to the other extreme?? Whew, now his overbearing possession over this knowledge really feels like itâs now up to Saitama to set some boundaries before things get out of hand!!)Â
Because that type of blind faith fanaticism canât bode well - it wonât do Saitama any favors to help him address his flaws or progress as a person (esp when Genos is beyond seeing him that way over a completely flawless being now~) nor is it very âsafeâ for Genos when it could recklessly endanger him to more extremes. Esp when he fully believes Saitamaâs ~perfect paragon of heroism~ will now undo everything even if Genos were to die again in the future. Whoaa there, Genos slow down! Stop. Thatâs getting a little unhealthy. D:
Anyway, youâll see others discussing/theorizing the topic some more here (cause even they feel unsettled by it), but it definitely feels like itâs building to something. Soon. All I can say is that yes his heightened blind faith (and sense of entitlement/superiority/obsession) is disturbing me, so weâd best keep our eyes open for more, and Genos please be careful!
#opm#genos#manga spoilers#anonymous#replies#anyway i'm glad many others can sense how Weird his behavior feels#remember when i said how wc genos felt like he was disturbingly at risk in a way garou was not?#aha...ha...manga genos now...ONE stahp
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percolating gently (noah x mc)
au in which jane marshall lives and mc and noah and jane run off to live happily ever after a family of three and also smut (if you donât want to read that skip the section that goes âits christmas, technicallyâ.Â
title from a tennessee williams quoteÂ
15k
It's the three of them in the end. Jane. Noah. And you. Just like it started. Just like it had been.
Always you caught up between the two Marshall twins; Janeâs hand in yours gripping tight and never backing down as she poured water into dirt to make mud. At nine, and never having shared Janeâs attention before, Noah had snubbed you on more than one occasion, shooting down watching Resident Evil just because you had suggested it.
It was funny how you'd befriended Noah first. Jane had a fever the week your parents moved to Westchester (to study some microbe that was super rare or some other incredibly niche nerdy thing). You'd been left to roam the neighborhood on your own as per usual, drawing trees and pets you wished for in chalk, and then Noah.
Noah.
Redfield- Janeâs let up at least a little. You're no longer stuck to that awful chair in terror but griping Noah's shoulders, your fingers clutching the fabric of his denim jacket because he can't, you won't let him take her place.
He's been through so much already.
They both had.
âNoah,â you stammer out, chilled to the bone from terror or the fact that you were in a damp and freezing underground chamber--probably both. âNoah, you can't!â You tighten your grip on him even as his frown deepens, anger clear on his features as he glares down at you.
You cut him off before he can snap at you. Looking over at Jane, no longer blazing, but hovering around, a shadow spilling into the corners of the room, eyes a cold blue without an ounce of friendliness or curiosity.
âI'm sorry,â you tell her, because this was all your fault. You should've never encouraged her. You should've saved her. You should've done more: anything but brush the memory of her away instead of dealing with the events of that summer. Denial had long been your method of choice but here Jane was. It had all been real.
You owe her this much.
And Noah-
âI promised I'd be there for you,â you think of the whistle, âI promised I'd protect you so that's what I'm going to do now,â you say even as your hands shake. âLet me take your place.â
You move to stand, but Noah doesn't budge, his head shaking as his agonized wide eyes meet yours. There's always been a sincere quality in the warmth of Noah's brown eyes that put you at ease and had you feeling like you two were the only people in the world and you could never say no to him; not now. He's a mess (just how you feel), beanie about to slide off his tangled hair, tear tracks down his cheeks. There's a pull in your chest, the painful need to throw your arms around him and hug him until the world stops being this shitty but you doubt you'd ever leave his side if you hug him now.
Noah shakes his head. âIt should be me,â he utters into the eerie acoustics of the chamber, the horror of the situation audible in his voice. âIt should have been me then. I can finally make things right.â
Your lip grumbles as you cry out, âdon't say that,â your hand reaching up to cup his cheek, âdon't you dare say that bullshit Noah-we were kids! None of this,â you look around, look at Jane, âthis shouldn't have happened to anyone. And it wasn't anyone's fucking fault!â
If-when you got out of this, you were going to throw hands with Mrs. Marshall.
You used to wish sheâd been your mother.
The shadow that is Jane inches closer.
Right.
It had to be you or him.
His skin was warm against your hand and you don't-you donât think you can live in a world where Noah isn't there and he's had the shittiest time and you could've reached out but you didn't and he doesn't deserve this because he thinks he deserves this.
Noah thinks he should've died.
Fuck.
This was all so fucked up.
âIt's okay,â Noah whispers softly, his hand covering yours before gently removing your hand from his cheek, removing your hold on him. âIt's okay.â
âBut-â you look at Jane.
You didn't know what was worse, a world without Noah in it or a world where Noah became some twisted monster the same way Jane had over the years of loneliness. No one started out a monster.
You shake your head, reaching for Noah's hand, âI promised I wasn't leaving you again.â
His eyes widen in shock, giving him that doe eyes look that sort of made you want to kiss him, as if he'd forgotten all about that moment, as if he thought he wasn't worth it but Noah deserved more than death. He should get to go to culinary school and deal with shitty customers at Baby Janeâs.
And it was too late to save the day.
If you were being honest, it was nine years too late. It was all about doing the best you could  in impossible circumstances because Jane didn't deserve to spend an eternity alone and scared and a monster either.
Intertwining your fingers with his, you swallow thickly before replying in a steady voice, having made your choice the moment Noah had been willing to go find Dan alone, when he'd opened up to you at the shop and you realized all this time it hadn't just been you dealing with the repercussions of Redfield, âTogether.â
You weren't going to fail Noah again.
Noah is speechless.
But Jane was always able to go with the flow. A shadowy limb ghost over both your hands, in the vein of those cheesy moments in anime when a best friend speech got everyone through a big battle.
âAllll play too g etherR.â
âYeah,â Noah says sadly, accepting that there was no version of this ending that didn't end in tragedy. âtogether.â
At least this way, you could be monsters together.
âIt's okay Jane,â he tells his sister, his hand squeezing yours, âweâll take over from here.â
*
*
*
You wake up cold, thinking that you'd left your bedroom window open (not that you were doing much sleeping in that room after the Dan night terror) again, but you're greeted with the sight of Jane curled up asleep between you and Noah looking the same as she had at the many sleepovers you'd have at their house. You don't know if she's real or if this is a dream or if you're dead and this is just a figment of your new reality, but you don't care.
Finally, you understand the ending of Inception.
You don't want to wake them up, still exhausted yourself, but Jane keeps shivering and you can only imagine how worried your friends were. Your phoneâs dead.
You couldn't stay here.
âNoah,â you whisper, the sound echoing throughout the chamber. âNoahâŚâ
He grumbles in his sleep, but doesn't wake up.
âNoah,â you hiss.
âWhat,â Noah slurs, shifting as he lifts his head, jostling Jane at his side but your friend who was dead, was previously dead, continues to sleep looking like a particularly angelic little girl.
You can tell when the situation dawns on him: the twitch of his lips as his mouth settles into a frown, brows becoming drawn in thought.
It's day outside.
You're not sure which day.
Noah's phone is also dead.
Both of you stumble through the woods half asleep, Noah carrying Jane as if she was the most precious thing in the world which she was because she had been dead but now she wasn't and you were beginning to hope this was real and not a trick and that Jane was getting a shot at a normal childhood.
âWe should go to my house,â you offer, keeping your voice low as to not disturb Jane who continued to sleep, no wonder Andy and Ava had been able to draw so many mustaches on her back in the day. âIt's closer.â
And also you had no way of explaining how Jane had suddenly come back to life. That was something to process later. First a warm bed and sleep and then you had to let your friends know you weren't dead and figure out the whole Jane being alive with Noah. But first, sleep.
âYeah, okay,â Noah answerâs, clearly still in shock. âSounds good.â He says as if you two were discussing the weather and not sudden resurrection.
Then again, was this really that big of a leap considering everything that happened in the last few months?
You kick off your shoes and curl up with the Marshall twins to sleep.
*
*
*
âWhy are you so much taller,â Jane asks once youâve all woken up and yes, Janeâs still there, flesh and blood and the idea begins to solidify that sheâs alive and well, well maybe not, you donât know how much she remembers if at all and you still donât know what to do with her but for now Noahâs rifling around your sparse kitchen, sending you a judgemental look at the half empty pancake box mix that expired a month ago but thereâs no gross mold or anything so he uses it anyway, unwilling to leave Jane alone for a second.
Noah smiles easily, which has you smiling, âIâm not tall,â he replies to his sister, âyou just shrunk.â
She frowns, nose wrinkling and you had forgotten she did that when she was upset, her nose wrinkling up as her lips turn downward. It was adorable. Then in classic Jane fashion she decides, âthatâs a lie.â And sticks her nose up in the air, her fingers continuing to do whatever in your hair. It feels nice, her small fingers weaving clumsily through your thick hair, but Jane had never actually learned to braid so youâre pretty sure sheâs just tangling your hair up but you wouldnât refuse Jane anything right now.
Itâs been days since the dance.
You have countless missed calls from your friends, texts getting increasingly and increasingly panicked, and nothing from either of your parents.
âTurn around,â Jane squeaks, tapping your shoulder urgently.
âAlright, alright,â you say, shifting in your seat. Sheâs tiny. All red hair and freckles and she hasnât left your side since waking you up, knees in your side as sheâd yelled that she was bored and wanted to play so loud it had woken Noah up.
Jane looks at you with a frown. âYouâre big too.â Then her lower lip wobbles.
Shit.
Hastily, you pull her onto your lap, wrapping your arms around her.
âWhy am I still small,â she whispers, looking up at you with the same wide brown eyes you were so used to.
âUh,â you swallow thickly, trying to figure something out because maybe she didnât remember and wasnât that for the best? Wouldnât that be the best case scenario? The only problem is youâre barely eighteen and not at all prepared to handle a nine year old. Had you really been this small when your parents decided to fuck off? âItâs because. . .youâre special, like Peter Pan.â
She crunches up her nose for a second, thinking. Then in her child innocence, she nods, deciding she likes the explanation. âYou shouldâve come with me,â Jane pats your cheek sadly, âgrown ups are so boring.â
Noah wheezes, a pancake slipping off the spatula as his shoulders shake with laughter.
You hadnât had time to talk about what had happened, what he had done, and you certainly hadnât had time to process your feelings on any of it, but you were always glad to see him laughing.
âSomeone had to take care of your dumb brother,â you reply, legs kind of going numb with her weight.
Jane nods sagely, âNoah is dumb. Because heâs a changeling.â
When you were kids, youâd both been obsessed with goblins and trolls and fairy tales. You two would dig in the dirt looking for hag stones. Sticks would double as magic wands and swords. The old fur jacket Jane liked to play dress up with was her selkie skin and you would take turns hiding it around the house.
Noah rolls his eyes. He hadnât liked your weirdo kid games the first time around, he liked them even less now and you canât help but grin at his expense. âYouâre the redhead in the family.â
Jane blows a raspberry.
What a way to win an argument.
Itâs past midnight before Jane crashes.
Youâre on your third watch of frozen which had seemed like a great way to keep Jane inside the first time when youâd suggested it (kids loved that movie) and had become the worst, as Jane made you watch the movie again and again, singing âdo you want to build a snowmanâ at the top of her lungs. That hadnât stopped you and Noah from helping her find all the pillows in your house to build a castle with. Your living room has become a pillow castle fort.
During the second watch, Jane had dug around through your closet, before finding a blue hoodie you didnât even remember you had and tying it around her shoulders. âYouâre Anna,â sheâd told you, giving you pigtails when she gave up on braids.
Now, she was asleep on the couch, drooling on her pillow.
Noah immediately turns off the TV. âYou couldnât have put on Shrek?â
Youâre sitting next to him on the floor, finally giving into the urge to look at the news on your phone. You hadnât risked it while Jane was awake. She was a nosy child.
You frown, âwe need to tell the others.â Because this was really happening. Jane was alive and you didnât know what to do with that. She needed. . .fuck-she needed school and parents and probably therapy if she remembered any of it. You were just eighteen. You had no idea what to do.
Noahâs responding frown mirrors yours. âWhat? Why!â
âShe just came back from the dead,â you reply quietly. âShe needs-fuck what are we going to tell your mom?â
His expression turns angry, brows furrowing. âFuck her. She doesnât deserve to know.â
âNoah,â you sigh, not wanting to argue with him because what was there to argue. His mom was a shitty parent. âDan, Andy. . .they think weâre dead. They deserve to know after what happened. They deserve an explanation.â
He flinches.
âAnd besides-weâre in high school! What are we-what the hell are we going to do with her,â you say gently because you couldnât keep her cooped up in your house. You had things like high school and maybe college if you could salvage this quarter. You didnât have a job. âShe needs parents. And school. And. . .â You throw your hand sup in the air. You had no clue what she needed. You werenât a functioning adult. You didnât know what kids need.
âShe has me.â Noah hisses back.
You roll your eyes. âI know that-fuck Noah,â becuase he was getting angry with you when all you were trying to do was help. God, he could be so freaking dense sometimes. âShe deserves a normal childhood. How the hell are we supposed to do that for her? Does she remember any of it?â You cross your arms over your chest and stare at your feet. The garish pink nail polish was still intact.
Didnât people need birth certificates and stuff?
Lucas would know.
Lily could probably do her computer thing and help with that.
He falls silent, glaring at the blank TV screen.
Noahâs breathing is harsh and you wait patiently.
âI can drop out,â Noah finally says quietly. âGet a job. . .â
âIâm going to call Lily,â you reply. âWe need groceries anyway.â Like hell were you leaving Jane for even a second. This time, you mean to keep your promise.
*
*
*
Jane bursts into tears when she sees all her friends grew up without her, eyes turning red as tears streamed down her eyes and she buried her face in Noahâs chest, refusing to budge. He rubs his hand comfortingly against her back, carrying her upstairs.
Even from the living room, still a mess, you can hear her sob upstairs.
âWhat the absolute fuck,â Lucas utters, taking a seat, resting his head in his hands.
âExplain,â Stacy urges, already unpacking the groceries youâd requested into your kitchen.
You do.
You go over the last couple of days, most of which you spent sleeping.
âI think it says a lot about how fucked our lives are that this is only like the second craziest thing to happen to us,â Andy mutters, pacing around the room. âI mean,â he says stopping near the kitchen island, âthe whole town got brainwashed!â
âDoes-does she remember,â Lily asks.
You shrug, âI. . .I donât think so. Clearly she doesnât know why weâre all older. Maybe itâll come back to her?â You hope it doesnât.
âSo what are we going to do,â Lily says, looking around at everyone.
Dan speaks up, âJane could have blocked out those memories. My therapist said that can happen with traumatic events.â
âThat makes sense,â you find yourself saying, slumping in your seat. You think you could just finish high school at home. Itâs not like your parents would know, or care. Theyâre not here. That way Noah can finish high school and you can look after Jane. But then what?
âJust so weâre all on the same page,â Ava asks rhetorically, âweâre just going to ignore the fact Noah tried to kill us?â
You flinch.
âJesus fucking christ Ava,â Andy snaps, looking just as agitated as youâve all felt for months.
âOne crisis at a time,â Stacy complains, closing the cupboard door with a hard thunk, âI can only handle one crisis at a time.â Then she looks over at you, âare you-is. . .you can stay at my house if you need to.â No one suggests Noah and Jane going to their own house.
You shake your head.
At some point, you were going to hash things out with Noah, but it wasnât exactly anger at Noah that you felt. It was hurt and the raw heart crushing betrayal. You know you hadn't been there for him when he needed you--for years-- but you thought, you wish he had just told you about Jane being Redfield.You would have helped, you would have done anything to help Noah and Jane and maybe no one wouldâve needed to play are you scared at all. Fuck.
But no. You donât feel scared at being here with him which was what Stacy was asking about. It hadnât even crossed your mind even once.
But it feels too private to tell them that the three of you have been inseparable since the ruins. Youâd spent last night curled up on the living room floor with him. But that knowledge was yours. You werenât about to share that.
âItâs fine. Iâm fine.â You donât feel fine. âShe canât stay in Westchester can she?â Because youâre tired and want someone else to tell you what to do for once.
âProbably not,â Lucas answers tightly, still looking freaked out, eye twitching.
âItâs not a trick or anything. . .â Andy glances around.
You shake your head. Slowly, a plan forms in your head. Your parents would pay for your college, youâd apply out of state and take the Marshall twins with you. Instead of a dorm, youâd get an apartment. It could work.
Somehow.
âHave your parents called,â Dan asks gently.
âNo,â you wave off. They werenât important. Jane was.
âHave you thought about how youâre going to explain this,â Andy asks.
You wince. âSort of. . .I donât know.â You put your hands in your head.
It's Ava who wraps her arm around your shoulders, âweâll figure this out.â
âThanks.â
*
*
*
It's a familiar type of awful that Noahâs mom doesnât really care that heâs spent the last six months living at your house.
With a great deal of arguing at 2 in the morning while lying next to a sleeping Jane, youâd managed to convince Noah to finish high school. And youâd promptly switched to homeschooling.
Lily had come through with Janeâs paperwork, now in your bag as your friends drop you off at the nearest regional airport.
You hold Janeâs hand, the only thing keeping her from running off as she takes the sight of the airport in. Sheâs thrown countless fits about being cooped up. But it was too risky for her to be seen in Westchester, a small town where everyone knew sheâd died. The most you could do was your backyard.
So of course youâd made up for it by letting her pick your college.
âSomeplace warm and sunny,â Jane had shouted excitedly, mind going crazy with plans as your acceptance letters came in.
Months on, itâs way less awkward even if Ava and Lucas have settled on ignoring Noah.
Andy hugs you hard. âCall when you land!â
You snort, âduh.â
Lily smiles and adds, âI might visit for spring break.â
âThat would be great,â you tell her, tightening your hold on Jane as something catches her attention.
She pivots to Noah, who had the backbone of a toothpick when it came to telling Jane no which is why she keeps getting to skip brushing her teeth in the morning which was gross and she hated you for trying to chase her down, âI want that stuffed animal. If you give me that narwhal, Iâll eat my veggies.â
âYouâre eating your veggies anyway,â you reply back, dragging her along.
âYou wonât have to watch frozen tomorrow.â She continues, targeting her brother ruthlessly.
Noahâs already fishing his wallet out.
âThatâs what you said about the hair color,â you point out, opting to carry her when she goes limp. âDonât you dare Noah.â
Ava grins at you, amused and unhelpful.
âItâs just a toy,â he replies.
You roll your eyes.
âYou two are such parents,â Andy laughs.
âI hate you,â Jane huffs. âWeâre not friends anymore.â
âShe told you,â Ava snorts.
Jane beams. Then reaches for Noah, who takes her from your arms without complaint.
You hug Lily one last time, and then. . .youâre going through security.
âI get the window seat,â Jane declares once you get past TSA.
âGo for it,â you tell her, belatedly realizing itâs going to be hell if it turns out she doesnât like planes.
She nods, satisfied.
*
*
*
Tampa is no less humid and hot and awful a month in then it was when you first got off the plane but Jane loves it and thereâs a park next to the building your living in: a tiny cramped apartment with only one room which went to Jane obviously which you and Noah had originally planned for you and Jane to share but both of you had capitulated to Janeâs demands within the day. She deserved being spoiled.
The A/C in Ikea was a godsend.
Sleeping on the floor with the bare necessities was not it and with you starting school next week, it was time to take your meager savings and get some furniture.
âRemember,â Noah says, pulling up the list on his phone. It had started with him grocery shopping since he cooked and needing to make a grocery list to Noah just taking over figuring out how to make the money your parents sent and his own contribution from his new job work. âSofa bed. Bed for Jane. Blankets. One lamp. And a mattress.â
âWeren't you complaining about only having one pan this morning,â you ask as Jane drags you along to the first showroom, practically bouncing with energy.
Noah shrugs. âI can make it work.â
âBuying an extra pan won't kill us,â you counter. âWe can just use my credit card.â And not eat out for the rest of the month, you didn't add.
âLet's play hide and seek,â Jane says with excitement. âI'll seek.â
You exchange glances with Noah.
Tomorrow you had to go sign her up at school. You had to go over the story with her again. Just to make sure you didn't all get in trouble.
Jane covers her eyes. âOne. Two. . .â
You look around the tiny space, thinking of where to hide. Between school and Jane you weren't sure when you could or even if you could get a part time job. Noah was working at a diner during the evenings. You had gotten your classes early in the morning so you could be home with Jane while he worked. The problem was finding the extra free time to work.
Ugh.
Being an adult was hard.
But how much of an adult could you be when your parents were paying your tuition?
You head for the tiny bathroom which has a neat looking toothbrush holder and isnât that something you need to buy? There were so many little things like a bath mat and towels and a dish rack that were only just occurring to you that were sort of essentials and jeez you really had one foot in adulthood. You donât even hide behind the curtain, worried that Jane wonât find you easily and freak out and thereâs weirdos everywhere. It was your job to look after her now. Not that Noah had asked for your help, but it was a given.
âEight. . .nine. . .â Janeâs little voice carries and youâre struck by a flood of emotions that has your eyes tearing up.
Noah steps into the bathroom next to you, âwe need a cutting board,â he says so seriously you canât help but snort.
âWhat,â he asks, shaking his head at you.
âNothing.â
He tilts his head.
You shrug, âjust thinking. I donât know. I donât feel very grown up. And I took all the dumb towels my parents stockpiled for granted.â
âWe shouldâve raided your house,â he agrees, the corner of his lips lifting, âpurge style.â
âYeah,â you nod, âI never get why everyone jumps straight to murder. What does Ava always say? Redistribute the wealth, rob a bank.â You roll your eyes, scoffing, âmurder.â
Noah snorts. âPretty sure thatâs Lucas. Avaâs more of a go straight to cutting peopleâs heads off.â
âRobespierre style,â you grin.
âRobes who?â
âRobespierre. From the french revolution.â
âI think thatâs the class I mustâve ditched,â Noah admits.
You frown. âYou could do community college,â because you had to corner him at some point. Noah was very good at avoiding subjects he didnât want to talk about. âWe could make it work. Do your G.E.âsâ
Noah shrugs.
âNoah-â Because he said he wanted to go to culinary school and you get the urge to drop everything and buy a ranch in utah and live with Jane for the rest of your lives except Jane would hate that and grow up and leave and how are you going to afford spoiling her if you canât get a decent job? Noah deserved to go for his dreams too.
None of you had to be defined by your incredibly shitty childhood.
Jane pops in, âfound you!â She giggles in her Baby Yoda t-shirt and leggings, âyou two are bad at this game! My turn!â Jane grabs Noahâs hand and drags him along to the next showroom that catches her eye, âremember,â she lectures you both, âno peeking,â before shooting off.
âWhat did you end up choosing for your major,â Noah asks, as you both fail to keep your eyes closed, looking over at the sofa section. It would be so freaking nice not to sleep on the carpet anymore.
âHistory,â you admit, âthough Iâm not sure itâll stay like that. I donât know exactly what I want to do after college. Or if I even like history enough to major in it. . .it just sounded fine at the time.â You had done well in APUSH. That had to mean something. But you had also liked your economics class. . .maybe you should do economics? âI really have no clue. Has it been ten seconds?â
âProbably,â Noah says with a smile, ânine, ten, coming to find you,â he calls out.
Itâs a living room showroom, and yet Jane had managed to squeeze herself right behind a floor lamp and the TV stand. Sheâs a slip of a girl, but her red hair makes her easier to spot. Thank god.
âLetâs go pick out things for your room,â you offer, because you still have to go downstairs and find all the different pieces and then still go home and put them together. Thank god for uber. Oh shit, did this mean you had to get a car at some point? How do people buy cars?
âOkay,â Jane nods, immediately taking off, and she has you and Noah speed walking after her, on the border of a full out run. It was hard to be annoyed when you were still so happy to wake up in a world where Jane was alive and here and who cares that it took three hours to get her to stand still long enough to comb her hair and putting her to bed was a long drawn out affair of a bedtime story and a snack and needing to be tucked in and checking on all her toys and deciding she needed a glass of water next to her just in case she woke up thirsty.
It was worth it.
You liked not living alone.
You liked not being alone.
*
*
*
You weren't sure who was more exhausted as you finished washing the dishes. Jane was sleeping, thank god. The nice thing about Florida was it was fall and it was still warm enough to spend the evening at the park so Jane could tire herself out while you read fifty pages of your history and sociology textbook. It was what all the other moms did and you winced when Jane asked to join the soccer team that practiced at the park by your building because you didn't have the money and you could only hope she didn't ask Noah because he came home tired enough but for Jane he'd take more shifts.
There was laundry you didn't want to do and a quiz in english which was a nice class even if everyone was half asleep at 7:30 in the morning because your professor was somehow awake enough to engage and rant about short stories that thankfully weren't the same ten dead old white men you'd read in high school but actual people alive today whose english you could understand. It's night, so you don't bother drying the dishes before turning off the light. Noah had brought food which showed how tired he was. Yesterday's leftovers had saved you from attempting anything because you sucked in the kitchen as your poor microwave could attest: aluminum foil and microwaves don't mix.
Noahâs already asleep when you slide into bed next to him. You can still smell the scent of oil and grease on his skin even as you stay decidedly on your side of the bed.
It's mid september in Tampa and it's still warm and it doesn't stop you at all from curling up with a blanket.
The window panes are cracked open letting in the soft moonlight and you lay in bed, brain melted from class and reading, and look at Noah's profile and how much lighter he looked compared to a year ago. The lines around his mouth from frowning had eased; Jane teasing out a side of him that had previously shriveled up.
It's done him good to get away from his mom. To have his sister. You just wish you could do more for him.
Like he was doing for you and Jane.
You drift off to sleep. . .
âMove over,â a small voice asks, and your eyes crack open to the dark of the room and Jane a hair's breadth away with wide scared eyes, a pillow hugged to her chest. Her voice is raw, as if she'd been crying.
You move over, brain sleep addled, to make room for her.
She slips in besides you, immediately curling up in your chest the way she does when she decides she's done walking for the day: the way she runs up to Noah when he gets home from work.
âDid you have a bad dream,â you mumble, not wanting to wake up her brother.
âI don't know.â Jane admits, âI just don't want to sleep alone.â
âI thought you wanted your own room,â you tease, a little more awake now.
âI do,â she cries out loudly in the dark of the night.
You can just imagine her pouting even if you can't see her, your eyes falling shut again. âOkay. You can sleep over tonight.â
âYay,â she whispers back. âWe should draw a mustache on Noah.â
You snort, âtoo late. He hasn't bothered shaving in like two days.â It was a good look on him: stubble. You'd teased him ruthlessly, almost choking on your water when he'd gone pink.
Jane giggles.
âGo to sleep,â you tell her. âYou have school.â
âSo do you.â
âSleep.â
âTell me a bedtime story.â
âJane,â you whine, rolling over away from her, because she sure wasn't going to stop. âSleep.â
*
*
*
âWhere the fuck are my shoes,â Noah says, as he stumbles around trying to find his things.
You should've folded the laundry last night. Instead, it was a pile on the floor, clean, but a mess. You had parent teacher conferences today, and of course you were rushing at the last minute. Between finishing a paper for sociology and ditching class because of the conference and it's not like your statistics professor took roll call, you were still in a towel, freshly showered.
âCheck the hall closet. I told Jane to clean last night and I'm like one hundred percent sure she just stuffs everything in that closet. Dan's right, we're fucking her up by spoiling her too much.â You search the pile of clothes for a nice dress. Was that right for a parent teacher conference? You were 18, what did you know? Besides, you were like guardian adjacent. Not a parent.
âOkay,â Noah replies when you hear the door open and why can't you find any clean underwear, you just did laundry this is insane and you have like five minutes to leave or you will be late, âbut why'd she only put away one shoe?â
âDon't goblins only steal left shoes or something,â you reply, finding clean underwear but giving up on the bra. You'd go with a blue and white plaid dress. It wasn't too revealing for school even if it was one of those back of the closet dresses you never actually wore.
You slip your underwear on under the towel as Noah reappears in jeans and a t- shirt, freshly shaved. âWhat if they ask too many questions?â
âThey won't,â you wave off. âAnd if they do we can just lie.â
âYou're a bad liar,â Noah teases, rifling around in the kitchen.
You toss the towel aside, trying incredibly hard to act cool and calm when you weren't anything but, as you go to pull the dress over your head. It's not like you were flashing him. You sleep next to Noah every night.
But then why did you feel so flustered right then. âAm not!â You squawk indignantly, turning over to look at him as your dress goes over your head and your boobs are no longer hanging out for the world to see (there was a point to curtains after all).
Noah goes bright pink when he realizes your half naked in the living room, as if he hasn't slept next to you for close to a year now but then again, you used to sleep in an old shirt and underwear and now you've got matching pjs because Noah and yeah you should probably do something about that like you had wanted to since the party ages ago now but there had been Redfield and Noah admitting he was in a terrible headspace and it wasn't the time and now. . .you brush the thought aside for now. You roll your eyes (because your cool and calm even if your heartâs beating erratically) and grab your purse, before joking, âso are you going to get a haircut or are you going to do the man bun thing.â
Noah groans, âJane told me I looked like homeless dog.â
âOuch,â You laugh, âwhen she say that?â
âShe woke me up again last night but I got her to go to her bed this time.â He admits as you walk to Janeâs school.
âAgain?â Fuck maybe she was having nightmares after all. âIt has to be nightmares, but. . .â you trail off.
âI don't know,â Noah shrugs, âshe says she doesn't remember. Just wakes up. But like why else would she keep waking up if it's not nightmares,â he frowns.
âDo you think they could be,â you purse your lips before continuing not wanting to be the one to bring it up but you sort of had too, âyou think it's redfield related.â
âI really don't know,â he says, looking over at you with a sad smile.
Smiling softly, you squeeze his hand as you wait for the white pedestrian sign, âhey, she's got us. She'll be fine.â
Which makes you think about how Andy was right. You were such a mom. Had you mom-zoned yourself? That was good, you'd have to text that to Andy later.
Then you sigh, realizing that if you had a nightmare back then, your parents wouldn't have even been home for you to wake up. There had been weeks spent at Pine Springs and driving over to some niche science conference in Rochester or over to New Haven for a lecture.
âWhat,â Noah asks, intertwining your fingers with his as you cross the street.
âJust realizing how shitty my parents were,â you offer with a sad smile. What could you do about it now? You'd grown up.
âJust now,â Noah quips with a smirk.
You roll your eyes, âshut up.â
Janeâs teacher, an older black woman who's style leans close to Lily's own preppy academic choices, looks at you both skeptically. âYouâre here for Jane Marshall's conference?â
Both you and Noah nod.
She doesn't look reassured.
You bump Noah's knee with yours, hoping he'll say something to clear things up. Neither of you looked old enough to be her parents. You had a serious case of baby face.
âUh,â he says, still an eighteen year old who's spent most of his life bowing down to teachers authority. You understood, still feeling strange going to the bathroom during lecture without asking for permission. âI'm Janeâs brother.â
You nudge him again when it's clear he's done taking.
âNoah,â he manages.
You roll your eyes. âWeâre her guardians,â you had gone over the story hundreds of times, âtheir parents passed,â you look down at you lap trying to look sad, âa few months ago.â
âOh,â Janeâs teacher, Miss Sanders, says sympathetically. âI'm sorry to hear that.â
âYeah well,â Noah trails off.
âWell Jane is a very outgoing girl,â Miss Sanders says, launching into her talk, âshe's made lots of friends though sometimes getting her to be quiet during class time can be a challenge. She's at her grade level for reading and math. She does need more practice with writing longer sentences and,â she shuffles papers around, flipping through a red folder, before taking out some childish drawings. âThese had me worried but in light of the loss she is going through, I think it's understandable.â
Each drawing is a variation of a theme: huge black blobs make up most of the page, with occasional stick drawings differentiated by hair color. Jane is obviously the girl with the red hair and triangle body. Redfield, she remembered something then.
Could it be subconscious?
You feel the blood leave your face as you look over at Noah. He looks just as shaken as you.
âIt's normal for children going through the loss of a loved one, especially parents,â Miss Sanders tries, âto work through it in drawing and writing. But we could always let her talk to the school psychologist. Mrs. Hernandez is a wonderful child therapist.â
âDo you think it would help,â you ask, wondering if it was a good idea when Janeâs actual problem was of the supernatural variety. Maybe they would just assume that was her imagination, or her way of explaining away a loss.
âIt couldn't hurt.â
You look over at Noah, slipping your hand into his, giving him an encouraging squeeze in his palm. It was his sister. It should be his call.
He pulls his hand out of yours, straightening up in the chair. âYeah. That could be good.â
âOkay. I'll let Mrs. Hernandez know. That and make sure Janeâs reading books for AR. Her goal this year should 40 points if she wants to be part of the end of the year celebration.â
âI'll figure out where the library is,â you nod, âI'm sure she can find books while I study.â
âSounds perfect. Any other questions.â
You look at Noah who shakes his head. He was starting to need a haircut. Even if you did like the way he looked with his hair loose.
âAlright then. It was lovely to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Marshall.â
âOh,â heat builds up in your cheeks.
âWe're not-â
âI'm not-,â you stammer, âI'm just a family friend.â
âOh,â Miss Sander says, âI'm-sorry for assuming.â
âIt's fine,â you manage, starting to leave. âThank you. It was good to meet you.â You shake her hand, wanting to die inside.
âNice to meet you as well,â she shakes Noah's hand and then you can finally leave.
You both hurry out the classroom, out the school.
âSo that was,â Noah says, raising a brow.
âawful,â you finish. âBut there were no red flags and we got free therapy out of it.â
Noah laughs, âI think we probably all need some therapy.â
âRewatching arrested development isn't cutting it anymore,â you grin.
âI do feel like Gob most days.â
âGood,â you laugh.
âReally?â
âI don't trust people who identify with Michael. No self awareness.â
Noah laughs, âthey are all horrible people.â His face becomes drawn, as he tucks loose strands of hair behind his ears. âHow much do you think she remembers?â
You shrug, placing your hand on his arm. âI think it's probably bits and pieces. She did spend years and...she doesn't have nightmares? That's a good sign right? It's been months, she's not some creepy horror movie child?â
âOf course not,â he nods, looking down at you, with a frown. âShe's fine. Jane's good.â
You smile shakily. âWe're doing amazing. And she's happy if she hasn't stopped watching disney vlogs. No clue how we're going to swing that one if she asks.â
Noah matches youâre unsure smile, âtake her to those rich people parks and call it disney.â
You snort. âIt's Jane. That won't fool her.â
âIt's Florida. We can just go to the beach.â He says with a shrug. âIt'll be just as good.â
âAren't there alligators though?â
Noah laughs at your expense. âThose are in the lakes and rivers.â
âShut up. Want to go for pizza before you go to work?â
âLet's go get Indian food actually. There's this place I've been meaning to try but Janeâs-â
âPicky as fuck,â you say pointedly. âLike you used to be.â
Noah blushes. âOkay so my mom just cooked like kraft mac and cheese. That wasn't my fault.â
âAnd those pizza bites! I loved those,â you add, thinking back on all the sleepovers at their house as a kid. âI think when Jane came over was the only time I'd get to use peanut butter.â Your parents weren't around, but your nanny was philippina, you ate spice before kids discovered hot cheetos were delicious.
He snorts, running a hand through his hair. âWe should probably get a car at some point.â
âFace it bro, we're broke. I keep wanting to tell you to get a haircut but we're broke.â
Noah raises a brow. âFuck off. I look like post-Beatles George Harrison.â
âYou wish you looked like George Harrison,â you tease.
The food was amazing. Lunch indian buffets were where it was at. And since you don't have a class right after, you offer to walk Noah to work, âI've got to walk off the food baby,â you tell him, before you head back to pick Jane up.
Noah laughs, âThe malai kofta was just too good.â
âI should've stopped at three plates but buffets always make me think it's a food contest,â you admit. âMy nanny would take me to this seafood buffet with her family around lunar new year and weâd spend all day there to try and eat our money's worth.â It had been your favorite holiday as a child, after your parents had decided you were old enough to be left behind, only a handful of years after they decided you were old enough to bring along with them, and you hadn't seen them even at christmas.
âDamn,â Noah says with an easy smile, âat least I had good times with my parents.â His smile is so fragile. That just means it hurt him more when things fell apart.
âI had nice times too. . .with your family.â
Noah cackles.
You cross the street to the diner he works at next to a retirement complex with what you think are the best waterfront views next to the hotels you can't afford.
It's strange.
Your entire life, Noah has been this huge part of it and you've always lived in a tiny town so you knew everyone he did and knew what he got up to just by living near him in a town of like 500 people or what felt like such a small amount, your elementary school only had one class for each grade but now you hug Noah goodbye even though he always tenses against you, as though he's unused to the physical affection and that just makes you hold him tighter, then he's heading inside and greeting people you probably will never know and he's having this whole part of his life your not a part of and one day he's going to go on and live his life without you and it hurts: watching him laugh with some waitress that's tall blonde and beautiful in a way you've never been.
It hurts but you suck it up and go pick Jane up from school.
âDonât worry,â your friend says, holding your hand once she realizes you've been standing at the water's edge. It's warmer than you'd imagined as it laps at your bare feet.
Jane has not stopped smiling since you'd bought her a bathing suit at Target: a pink one piece with sloths. You'd been more nervous, not knowing how to swim. You also felt every single bite of pasta you'd had last night in your black bikini.
Damn Noah for being so good at cooking.
âI've got you,â Jane says, leading you out further into the water, over to where Noah's out, up to his waist and you're pretty see it's deeper than Jane is taller, but if Jane can do it-a wave, a massive looking wave comes crashing towards you both.
You don't hesitate to run away.
Noah points and laughs.
You flip him off once the wave passes, leaving your hair wet.
Jane grins. âIt's okay. I won't let you drown.â She pulls you back out again, a perfectly happy water baby. She always had been fearless. And unlike you, as the water deepens, she starts to swim alongside you.
âSee,â she laughs, âit's easy.â Then she pops down under.
You make it to Noah, figuring the water wasn't that crazy. No tsunami like waves to pull you out to sea and drown you.
Jane comes up for air, âI'm Jaws,â she yells at Noah, tackling his side.
âOoof,â he says, exaggerating, âoh no, a shark, I'm. . .dead dying. . .â
Jane giggles.
âDo not,â you warn her. âI'm barely here as is.â
Noah rolls his eyes and you have a feeling there about to roast you: both of them.
âIt's just a little water,â he teases.
âIt's not even that deep,â Jane adds. âIt's the beach!â She pops back down under the water as another wave rolls towards you.
âFuck,â you mutter, tensing, as the wave soaks what's left of your dry hair, splashing salty water into your mouth.
Jane pops her head back up, strawberry hair plastered to her head, smiling so wide. It's November and it's still warm enough to go to the beach. Even the rain here isn't cold that way it was back home.
The world was so much bigger than Westchester.
Noah reaches his hand out to yours. You take it easily, stepping closer to him, pushing your wet hair out of your face.
He had the right idea, now looking more like the fifth beatle than a shaggy haired hippie. Less to deal with at the beach.
âYou okay,â he smirks.
âShut up. I can't swim. You know that.â You'd complained about it a hundred times as they both forced you off the pile of towels where you had planned to read through your notes. Studying, it was gross.
âYou're,â Noah rolls his eyes, âit's like three feet. You're not going to drown.â
âWhat if,â you counter, âI trip and swallow water and drown.â
âThat's not going to happen. What you can't stand up?â
âDon't,â you warn.
He smirks, âit's because you're short.â
âAsshole,â you say, smacking his bare chest. Nothing you haven't seen, you tell yourself. Act normal, you reminded yourself.
âIt is!â Noah crouches down a couple inches to your height.
You roll your eyes-
-and laugh when Jane launches herself onto her brother's back.
âI'm an orca!â
Noah lets go of your hand to regain his balance. âWow there shamu.â
Jane frowns. âSea world is evil. Ava and I watched Blackfish.â
You vaguely remember some orca documentary that you had mostly slept through. Taking care of Jane was hard and you had fallen asleep in those early weeks whenever you got the chance.
âNo seaworld then,â you shrug.
âBut I do wanna go to Disneyworld. I wanna go on the star wars ride!â
âYou don't even watch Star Wars,â Noah points out.
âI would if we went to Disneyworld. My birthday is coming up.â
âNo it's not,â you frown. They were April babies.
âI think you mean my birthday,â Noah says playfully.â
âI was born first,â Jane yells.
âSo, I'm taller.â
You roll your eyes, sinking down to your neck. The water was nice. âYou better throw yourself into the water if I start drowning,â you warn Noah.
âYeah yeah,â he says with a soft smile, âI'm not going to let you drown.â
Jane nods in agreement, âI'll kick him if he does.â
You laugh, happy to spend the days with the Marshall twins.
Bells don't ring, but the whole class knows when class is over, shoving their papers away into bags as soon as there's a minute left.
You leave English happily enough. It was a fun class, with plenty of movies and conversation that you were able to make friends in, unlike other lecture heavy classes where you had five minutes before class to talk during.
Sasha and Kevin both walk with you out of the lecture hall. âHave you started studying for the midterm,â Sasha asks, âI really don't want to write two in class essays. Multiple choice is where it's at.â
âI'd rather have an in class essay,â Kevin says, âand Professor Laux said it's just one. But he'd give us two prompts.â
You wrinkle your nose. âI love english I just hate the writing part. Or rather the long essays.â
âAt least your not a computer science major,â Sasha counters, âphysics is so much worse.â
âNot as bad as o chem.â
âO chem is not that bad,â Sasha counters.
You shrug, âart history major,â you grin smugly.
Kevin shakes his head, âjust wait until you have to find a job.â
âGrad school. Both my parents love that shit. They'd help me pay for it.â They both had Ph.Ds.
âI wish my parents helped me pay for school,â Sasha complains again, âthey are such hard asses about school but they want me to pay for everything, and live at home-can you imagine how many house parties I've missed to work at the movie theater.â
âSpeaking of house parties,â Kevin pushes his glasses up his broad nose, âwe're throwing this pre thanksgiving bash at my place. Beer. Snacks. Weed.â
âShouldn't you be studying for midterms,â you ask, shaking your head. You also hadn't figured out what you were doing for the holiday. You had Jane and Noah now. It had to be special.
âPfft. I will,â Kevin says. âYou're only twenty once am I right?â
Sasha shakes her head. âOkay. But I'm stealing some weed.â
âYou in?â They both look at you.
Noah's off Monday and Wednesday, when you get out too late to go pick up Jane. You can't leave her by herself, not that you would want to. You were looking forward to going to waste time at the mall and buy snacks at target: your usual Friday night.
You shake your head, âCan't. I've got Jane on the weekends. Babysitters are expensive.â
âJust tell your parents to look after your sister,â Kevin says petulantly.
You hadn't really explained things. It was complicated. Redfield had really messed up your life. Jane should be your age and going to house parties with you. But you'd have her alive in any shape or form so long as you got to see her. âUmm, actually,â you decide to explain a little, the practiced version, âher parents died a few months ago. They were-they were really close family friends and practically raised me so,â you trail off, thinking about how exactly to explain Noah. He was your best friend, a childhood friend, and. . .that was it.
âOh shit, I'm sorry.â
âYeah-â
âWell, if you're even able to figure it out,â Kevin says, âhit me up.â
You wave them goodbye and rush to your next class.
*
*
*
Noah's hair is still damp as he lays down on his side of the bed.
You were still going over your art history notes, wanting to go over the dates of the list of paintings you'd have to identify on tomorrow's quiz. The names were easy since styles even within art movements varied so much. It was a little harder in regulated art worlds: the buddhists of southeast asia didn't go outside their geometric ratios.
âYou've been studying all day,â Noah says with a yawn. He no longer smelled like burnt oil.
âYeah, I have a quiz.â You're sitting cross legged on your side of the bed. âIt's on art identification.â
âThat's what googles for,â he snarks back.
It was past midnight. Jane had been asleep for three hours.
âSmart ass.â You shut your notebook. The numbers had started swimming in your eyes a while ago. Nothing more was going to stick in your brain.
You turn off the light on your side.
âYou're the smart one,â Noah laughs, âI'm just an asshole.â
âOh,â you smile in the dark, highly aware of his body laying next to you, carefully keeping your leg from brushing against his skin. âYou're self aware too!â
âDick.â
âTakes one to know one.â
You lay in silence, listening to the sounds outside your windows, the cars passing by even at this hour, Noah breathing next to you. It was soothing, having people you loved with you. It wasn't lonely being home all the time.
Noah shifts onto his side: facing you.
You stare up at the ceiling, black from the curtains pulled right even as the window let the breeze in. It had been raining the past few days, but the cold days don't hold a candle to Westchester this time of year.
âThank you.â
âFor what,â you ask, smiling freely.
âWhat do you mean,â he pitches his voice higher, âfor what? For everything.â
You giggle. âI haven't done much.â
Noah's tone is dead serious the next time he speaks. âYou didn't have to help . . .with Jane. I don't know how I would've made it work without you, so yeah. Thank you. I didn't even ask-I wouldn't have asked you to give up college and partying-â
You have to stop him right there. âI didn't give shit up Noah.â He could be so dumb sometimes. If he had just told you Jane was Redfield, you would've helped him from day one to save her. But there was no point in bringing that up: just more salt in the wound. âAnd you didn't have to ask me: I wasn't just going to let you flounder alone. I wanted to-I wanted to be with you and Jane. That was never a question.â Heat flares up in the skin of your cheeks and nose as you smile, before you turn onto your side, looking over at Noah in the dark.
You can't really see him at all.
Thank fuck.
It's bad enough that you feel so flustered you might explode from the emotions swirling about in your chest. You don't know what to do about Noah, about your feelings for him.
Months ago, you would've just bitten the bullet and kissed him, but he'd also opened up about not feeling ready at all about relationships and you will not fuck things up for either of you. It had been easy with Connor when all the lights were green as he was clearly into you and responded right back.
It had been light and a way to not think about the terror of your day to day life for a few moments.
But it wasn't Connor you thought about so much your skin got all hot as you looked out the window during lecture.
You swallow thickly, squashing those feelings into some back corner of your mind.
âThank you though, I don't know what I would have done without you.â
âDon't be dumb. It's getting rid of me that'll be hard.â You could admit now, âNow that I know what it's like to have people in the house to kill spiders, I'm never leaving,â you felt lonely in your childhood house all through high school.
âI don't think Jane would let you leave.â Noah laughs.
âTrue,â you sigh. âit's nice not to come home to an empty house.â
âOur childhoods were so messed up,â he replies softly.
âIt's like the gift that never stops giving. But hey, who cares. I have you two and my parents monthly deposits-and FAFSA!â You laugh, because what else could you do, wallow in self deprecating angst like Noah? You weren't sure you could beat him at his own game. âAs far as I'm concerned, you're my family now. . .both of you.â
âWhen did you become a walking talking greeting card?â
âAsshole.â
Noah laughs.
It's a sound you love. For so long, it had been so rare. It warms you up, blots out all the horrible shit you've gone through and makes everything okay.
You fall asleep smiling.
*
*
*
Sasha settles in your ikea bland table with her bag full of notebooks and textbooks. âI wish I had my own place.â
Next week was finals.
Next week was going to kick your ass.
Matthew looks up from his calculus solutions manual for the first time in an hour, âit really depends on the roommates, mine eat all my snacks.â
âHide them in your room,â you suggest, opening your computer up to the study guide the TA had sent out last week. âWith your underwear or something.â
Jane giggles as she watches spongebob on the TV. Fourth graders had it easy. The upcoming winter break meant Jane was practically doing arts and crafts all week.
You open up a notebook to a fresh page as you write down all the key items from the study guide, underlining key items. You wanted to knock the art essays out of the park. It wasn't as easy to bullshit those as it was to make up themes for an english paper.
Fuck, you were already pretty much done with a semester at college.
Jane had almost been back for over a year.
âCan I see your midterm,â Sasha asks, âI want to see what comments you got.â
You fish it out from your binder. âGo for it.â
Matthew looks up from his pages worth of calculus, âI hate math. I should've just done an anthropology major.â
âSucks to be an overachiever,â you snark, annotating your notes with a pink gel pen. You had never cared to study much in high school, but a major you actually cared for made all the difference in the world. You wanted museums and van goghs and the asmr of cleaning paintings like in youtube videos.
âI didn't think double majoring would be like this,â Matthew sighs. âI haven't slept in three years.â
Sasha shakes her head, âjust go for the one you like the most.â
âSo I can be unemployed with tons of student debt?â
âOr get that grant money,â you wiggle your eyebrows. It was what your parents were up to.
âThat would mean a PhD,â he complains, but doesn't look completely turned off by the idea. âAnd I could put off figuring my life out for another four years. . .â
Sasha laughs, flipping through flash cards with a bunch of arrows and equations written on them. Physics.
Intro to Biology was so much easier. You practically only had to remember high school biology and read through the study guide a few times. You could remember the difference between eukaryotic cells and prokaryotic cells.
Sasha suggests ordering Pizza hut as Jane starts asking for food and you feel like yeah, a study break sounds good.
âFour hours is the max people can concentrate for,â Matthew says, as he eats a third slice of pizza.
âSo we're done for the day,â Sasha asks, getting up to stretch, and joining Jane on the couch. She'd been an angel, sort of, content to just watch tv all afternoon as you studied. Sure, she'd raised the volumes to movie theater standards every half an hour, but other than that-an angel.
âIf you're good for the day.â You were nervous. You didn't want to be a C student anymore. You wanted to try. Surely you had inherited some of your parents brain cells.
âI am,â Sasha admits. âI've been studying every day for four hours. My brain has melted.â
âHonestly,â Matthew says, âI just started studying. The semester seemed so long.â
âSame though bro,â You grin. âAll the tests and quizzes went right out of my mind as soon as I was done.â
Sasha shakes her head. âWell, I'm taking a slice for the road. See you around.â She leaves.
Jane joins you and Matthew at the table, licking the pizza grease off her fingers. âI like Noah's pizza better.â
You wince. A cook you were not. âWell, he's working.â
âI know.â
âNoah?â Matthew says, clearly a question.
âMy brother,â Jane says flippantly. âThey sleep together.â
You're face burns; you want the earth to swallow you whole right then and there. âWe live together,â you explain to Matthew who looks more confused. âJane go watch TV.â
She sends an annoyed look at you, before running off.
âNoah's her brother. They're family friends-â you explain lamely.
âYou don't have to explain anything to me,â Matthew says sweetly. âIt's your business.â
âYeah,â you push your hair behind your ears, feeling out of whack. Matthew was cute, but it wasn't like you wanted to jump his bones. He made sociology bearable. âCan you look over my paper? I'm still not sure I got the sources incorporated right-â
âYeah. Sure. I didn't know sociology 101 would include writing research papers.â
âEverything was going good until I remembered we had that paper due,â Matthew agrees.
You study for another hour, mostly giving each other feedback on your research paper. âIt would've helped if he'd given us examples,â you mutter.
âRight.â
Jane tugs on your arm. âCome play with me,â ignoring your classmate entirely.
âYeah. Sure,â you smile tiredly. You were at your study limit. âWant to call it a night,â you ask Matthew who nods and grabs his things.
Jane scrutinizes him the entire time. She puts her hands on top of the empty pizza box.
âI don't like him,â she pouts, âHe's boring. Who studies?â
âBoring college students,â you laugh. âHe's fine. We have sociology together. We're also taking english literature pre 1800s together next semester. It was that or latin literature which sounds really pretentious.â
Jane giggles. âLet's play uno!â
âOkay, but just one game. You still have to take a shower before bed.â
âI don't want to take a shower,â Jane protests, âI want to be a horrible reeking troll! Rawr!â She chases you around the living room.
You burst out laughing, letting her tackle you to the floor. It was easy to forget how stressed out you were about finals when you had Jane.
*
*
*
You take deep breaths as you scramble to find your sneakers. It got cold in lecture halls.
Noah makes coffee, âyou're going to do fine.â
âI'm going to fail and flunk out of university and my parents are going to hate me forever and i'll never get a job and take Jane to disney world,â you groan, slumping at the counter with a hand on your forehead. You should've studied all night. Why had you bothered going to sleep?
Noah pours you a tumbler full of coffee, with the hazelnut creamer that basically turned the coffee into a hot chocolate, âyou've been studying all week. You might not be Lucas levels of 110% on a rest but you're going to do great. I know it,â he says with a genuine smile.
You blush. âI hope all the studying has worked. I've never tried this hard in school.â
âYeah,â Noah nods with a soft smile. âHigh school sucked.â
âIt did.â You take a sip of your coffee, hoping to steady your nerves.
He looks good in the morning light, before it's too hot to exist. Winter in florida meant temperatures in the low 70s, laughably temperate. Noah's wearing the same boxers he'd gone to sleep in, with a soft worn in grey t-shirt, and a serious case of bed head as his hair curls around his ears in the most adorable mop top.
If you didn't have finals to head to, this would be the perfect morning.
âYou're going to do amazing sweetie,â Noah chuckles in the dickish way of his.
You snort, shaking your head. âFuck yeah I will.â
âThat's the spirit.â
You shove your feet into your beat up vans, grab your backpack. âSee you later,â you smile at Noah.
âYeah, good luck,â he says, putting his mug of coffee down on the counter and leaning down. One second he's smiling down at you, and in the next one he's pressing his lips against yours.
Holy fuck.
Your eyes widen.
Was this really happening, or were you just that tired.
âShit,â Noah stammers, pulling away quickly. âI-â
You raise a brow, âWhat-â
âIt was an accident. Sorry.â Noah steps back, running a hand through his hair, pink up to the tips of his ears.
You feel a bit like a deflated balloon. âWhat even was that?â Because what it seemed like was like he'd kissed you but-how do you accidentally kiss someone. No-this was way too much for you to dea with at the moment.
âI just-nothing. Just forget it,â Noah says. âI'm going back to sleep.â
âSee you later,â you try, feeling all messed up. Had he wanted to kiss you? Was this you messing up for the both of you?
You wish you could call Lily right now, but you had a final to get to.
*
*
*
It's Christmas day, technically.
Jane's been asleep for hours and Noah's taking a bite out of the cookies laid out for Santa as you watch it's a wonderful life trying to puzzle out how this was a Christmas classic. It was boring.
Things had been so awkward with Noah as of late, as you both danced around the kiss, that you had let Jane talk you into a sleepover in her room almost every night. There was no way you could lay there next to Noah and not think yourself to death. Absolutely no way.
You had wrapped up her gifts in baby yoda christmas themed wrapping paper: an assortment of more clothes because Jane really didn't have much considering she had basically popped into life a year ago, random books you remembered liking in elementary and middle school, and toys that you had definitely splurged on including a two hundred dollar set of legos that you looked forward to building with her. It had been hard to keep it secret from her when you all spent the majority of your time together. Stacey had sent a big care package for all of you. Lily had sent gifts through the post office. Lucasâ contribution was a few amazon packages.
All your friends had sent something.
It was touching, considering the distance. You couldn't wait to see them again-Ava wanted to visit in the summer.
You flip the channel, deciding Full House reruns were better.
âNot Full House,â Noah groans, turning the kitchen light off.
âLet me guess. You're a Die Hard fan?â
âBest christmas movie,â he grins.
You shake your head. He could be such a guy. And just like that, the tension between you two dissipates. âNo way. The Grinch is the best. The 2001 one anyway.â
You click the side table lamp off.
Noah sits down next to you as you flick through the channels, trying to find something to watch. âBob's burgers?â
âSounds good.â
It's dark. The volumeâs on low. You're all curled up in bed, and Noah's not being weird-it helps that you're trying to be chill about it.
âHow did your finals go?â
âWell I didn't flunk out,â you shrug. âI got a C in sociology but a B in everything else.â It was fine. It's not like you were a sociology major.
âI told you you'd do good.â
âYeah,â you sigh, laying down entirely, ignoring the tv. âI just figured all the studying would...I don't know, mean I'd get straight As?â
âIt's college-isn't it supposed to be like super hard or whatever,â Noah says with a shrug.
âI guess.â You just wished you were that kind of student. Even seeing how hard the effort was on Lucasâ mental health, maybe your parents might visit if you did get straight As. It was dumb. âI just figured my parents might pay attention if I did get all As.â
âFuck your parents,â he says easily.
You snort. âShut up. They pay like half the rent.â
âThe least they could do.â
âYeah,â you sigh. âDid you ever want to go to college? You know like when we had to write colleges letters in fifth grade, or was it sixth?â
âNaw. School was never my thing,â Noah says in the quiet of the night.
You smile softly, tilting your head so you're looking at him, the moonlight illuminating the angles of his jaw as it poured in through the windows. âThen it was always culinary school for you?â
He shrugs. âYeah-I mean,â he closes his eyes, thinking silently. âI'm a little too dumb for school. I could never get the whole trig thing or what Shakespeare was saying let alone the subtext.â
You sit up. âShut up,â you state, slapping his bicep lightly. âDon't say that shit.â
âIt's true.â
You shift, closer to his side of the bed, closer to him still lying there staring up at the ceiling, not meeting your searching gaze. âYou're not dumb. Noah-you are not dumb. You're so fucking smart-who remembered to buy toilet paper and figured out how to rent an apartment?â
âYou can google that shit,â he says, covering his face with his hand, embarrassed.
âAnd cooking takes skill. Maybe it's not mensa harvard type smarts, but it's not nothing!â You just wanted him to see himself the way you did. You're sitting up on your knees now, as his expressive wide eyes meet yours, a dark romantic brown you could drown in, staring down at him. âSay it! Say you're smart and clever and amazing!â
âI'm not saying that,â he laughs off.
âSay, I'm fucking smart and I can do anything,â you repeat, nudging his chest.
Noah smiles and it does all sorts of things to you, makes your pulse race as heat winds its way all hot under your skin, all hot and bothered and feeling giddy like a dumbass and you never meet someone who felt like home the way it is with Noah. âI'm fucking smart,â he says quietly, rolling his eyes, âand I can do anything.â
âWe're going to have to work on that,â you laugh, belatedly realizing you're almost on top of him. Well, you are on top of him, you're knees are by his waist, but you're leaning over him and fuck you want him. The way he's laying there under you, looking like the sun shines out of your ass, it's thrilling.
âWe will,â Noah says, wiggling his brows in a way that has you laughing into his chest.
Then you're looking up at him, unable to catch your breath, because you can't stop laughing and it's not like you're particularly comedic but-fuck it, you lean up and kiss him. It's what you've been itching to do since the party at-fuck, you don't even remember, but you remember finding him there and realizing he's what you had been missing, the reason you didn't feel like being there until you sat by the pool with him.
He's Noah and you're you and there's not a version of you that doesn't love him to bits; there's not a version of you that doesn't go with him to face the monster and rescue Dan and would give your life for him and Jane. Always. Because he's Noah-
You lean down and kiss him, trying to communicate the depth of this feeling.
It wasn't some crush.
Or some drunken affair at a house party.
You kiss his lips with a dizzying fever that burns hot under your skin as desire builds in the pit of your stomach: a bundle of nerves sparking to life. And he kisses you back, his hand cupping your cheek. His thumb rubbing circles into your skin.
You tremble under his gentle touch, afraid that this too would disappear in your hands. You were so used to losing: to getting nothing.
Noah stares up wide eyed at you when you pull away.
You bite your bottom lip.
âI-,â he stutters.
âI've really been wanting to do that for a long time,â you confess.
âMe too.â
You swallow thickly at his confession. âThen it wasn't...it wasn't an accident,â you ask carefully.
Noah shakes his head once. âNo. That-I just, I didn't want to mess up something good just because I wanted something more.â He looks so heartbroken in that second-
âNoah,â you sigh gently. âI was surprised and thinking about school but I've-I would've kissed you then if my head hadn't been so far up my own ass.â
He snorts, the line of his shoulders relaxing under your hands. âAfter what happened- I was lucky that you even wanted to talk to me at all. I didn't think you'd want anything to do with me and then I thought it was just for Jane,â Noah admits painfully.
âI've always loved you.â You tell him. âAnd I'm going to keep telling you until it gets through that thick skull of yours.â
Noah chuckles.
âSo are we on the same page?â
He rakishly raises a brow with a shit eating grin on his lips, âI don't know, are you gonna kiss me again?â
You vow to wipe that look off his face as you do more than press your lips hungrily against his, your hands against his chest as you shift once more, situating yourself and getting comfortable straddling his waist with your legs. You press hard kisses to his mouth as Noah kisses you back with the same fervor; you nibble on his bottom lip, bringing it between your teeth.
It's an exercise in breathlessness, a mexican stand-off in which both sides are ready and happy to pull the trigger because of the rush of blood to your head as you taste him on your lips. It's intoxicating the way in which he kisses your mouth and you forget the need to breathe.
But you, smiling against the skin of his jaw as you catch your breath. His chest rises and falls under your hands as he laughs giddily, feeling as crazy as you do.
It's not that epic romeo and juliet love that burns and destroys, but the fullness in your heart as you lay there with him.
You plant kisses down his jaw, savoring the hitches in his breath as you nip on the skin at the crook of his neck. âIs this okay,â you ask wickedly.
âFuck,â Noah utters, voice breaking as he sucks in air. âYeah-â
He cups your cheek with his hand and leads you up, brings you back where he can kiss you again. Noah kisses you-he lets himself kiss you. His tongue experimentally whetting against your all too willing lips before your mouth opens up to him and it's clear in the clumsy way he's eager to explore your mouth--the boy has no idea what he's doing.
It's fine.
You smile against his mouth, taking charge and running your tongue against his. Reaching for his free hand and guiding it, inviting him to explore the shape of your body in an oversized t-shirt and tiny booty shorts that you wouldn't even take the trash out in.
Noah does, clasping your hips with his hand as you binch up the fabric of his shirt in your hands as you lose yourself in kissing him, in drinking him in like a comfort series you could endlessly rewatch.
You're both breathless, as you lay your head down on his chest, content.
âThat was,â Noah says all out of sorts, âwow.â
âGuess you're going to be the next great american writer,â you tease.
He rolls his eyes, running his hand up your side.
âHey,â you continue, relaxing into his touch, âHemingway was a man of few words.â
âWas he the alcoholic one?â
âI think a lot of writers were,â you admit. âI tried to read his whale book but it was boring as fuck.â
âMoby Dick,â Noah says thoughtfully, âdid Hemingway write Moby Dick?â
âWho cares,â you reply, pressing a kiss against the edge of his lips, fine with spending the wee hours of the morning making out with Noah.
âWell now I want to know.â
âReally,â you tease, bringing your hand up, running your fingers through his soft hair.
His eyes close. Noah leans into your touch. âI'll google it later.â
You giggle.
Then heâs kissing you again and you could care less about books and long dead writers. Noah captures your lips with his and you intertwine your fingers in his hair, a hand on his chest, wondering what it would feel like to have his bare skin against yours and caught between the enormity of your want and letting things happen naturally. It was Noah. You didnât want to rush him.
You were still amazed heâd kissed you back,that he wanted you the same way you wanted him. The love had never been the point of contention between you two. You loved him at nine and you loved him at nineteen.
Noah losses some of his hesitation, his hands sliding down your side until they reach the swell of your hips straddling his waist. Then his hand slips under the fabric of your shirt and you moan into his mouth at the sensation of his fingers splayed against to taunt muscles of your abdomen.
Itâs just flaring want consuming you whole.
âIs that,â Noah manages between bated breaths, âokay?â
You kind of want to shake his shoulders and say shut up and keep going, because you might just combust in the next few minutes if he keeps going like this, this clumsy tenderness mixed with the assault of his body discovering yours. âYeah,â you stammer out, more feeling than young woman. âGreat actually.â
Noah chuckles, trailing kisses down your neck as you lean back a little, before pulling away. . .before pulling your shirt over your head.
He sucks in a breath at the sight of your naked torso.
You canât help the headyness in your chest at his reaction, at the way you were affecting him. âLike what you see,â you grin, all brash confidence that threatened to topple over like a house of cards at every turn, at the shift of his body under yours.
For once, Noah doesnât have some smartass comment, just reaches his hands to your cheeks and pulls you down flush against him.
Fuck.
You kiss him feverishly, your hands finding the hem of his shirt as running yours fingers against the sliver of skin.
Noah moans into your mouth and you swear you canât even function at the sound. The entire world is boiled down to you and him, him and you, and building pressure in your belly that threatens to explode.
âThe shirt-,â you stutter out, half out of your mind.
âYeah,â he obliges, sitting up and tugging it off.
And then youâre melting against him, the warmth of his skin against yours. Your breasts flush against his bare chest. Your toes curl up as you sigh, hands clutching at his neck, at his cheek, at the ends of his hair.
You kiss his jaw, you suck on the skin of his jaw and none of it is enough. Fuck, you want him so bad. Youâre so fucking horny. Itâs not like youâd been with a lot of people. But it had been over a year since your last sexual encounter.
And that might explain part of it-
Noah cups one of your breast with the palm of his hand, and fuck-
Your mind blanks as you moan his name. âNoah,â you whimper.
He kisses your collarbone, smiling against your skin.
âDo you want to-,â he asks, sounding more self assured by the word.
âYes, yes,â you eagerly answer, kissing him hungrily. âI thought youâd never ask.â
Noah laughs breathlessly.
Then heâs whimpering as you run your fingers under the waistband of his boxers.
His hand closes around your wrist before you can get further, âcondom?â
âFuck,â you swear. This was so unsexy of you both. But it wasnât like you had a reason to buy condoms along with pads and fruit snacks. âI think I have one,â you vaguely remember there being one in your wallet.
âI really hope you do.â
âJerk.â
With great reluctance, you crawl off him to go look for your purse. You had to stop throwing it wherever and hang it up. It would've made it easier to find right now.
You donât look back at Noah, even though you can feel his heavy gaze on you. The airs filled with static electricity as you rifle around and find the slim black bag.
Itâs another few minutes of fishing through its contents before you find the thin small envelope that you were pretty sure youâd gotten in health or at planned parenthood at some point. Ava had definitely been there.
When you turn around, Noahâs sat up in bed, in your bed, in the bed you two share, have shared for months. Itâs too dark to make out the expression on his features from this distance, but itâs under his dark eyes that you make your way back to him.
You push your shorts and underwear down in one go, discarding them by the side of the bed, taking care not to lose the condom (you were going on another target run asap) before youâre once again straddling his waist, feeling Noah already hard under your thigh.
âIâve,â he starts as you sit up on your knees, feeling incredibly vulnerable. âIâve never done this before.â
âOh.â Youâre off kilter. Does he not want to? Itâs fine. Youâre just surprised. Itâs Noah. Heâs tall and funny even if you want to strangle him half the time --he can cook-- and heâs so fucking hot when heâs not being adorkable. Youâre surprised. âWe donât. . .have to.â
He sits up under you. âNo. Itâs,â Noah blushes, âI want to, itâs just-you should know?â
âOh. Okay,â you lean in, kissing him with a tenderness he deserves in spades, âif youâre sure.â
Noah grasps your hips in his hands, pulling you in, âIâm sure.â
He kisses you.
You push him down onto the bed by his shoulders. His eyes are full of trust as he looks up at you, full of love like the moon on a clear night. You carefully open the condom up.
Noah shimmies his boxers off.
And because youâre you, you reach down and stroke his cock with your hand.
He shuts his eyes, moaning your name as he throws his head back into the bed, his back arching.
You wait a moment for him to still underneath you, before you roll the condom onto his cock, letting your desire carry your through as you fumble a bit. Again, you didnât exactly have much experience on Noah. You just had some experience.
You lean down flush against him, kissing his lips, as you guide his cock to the apex of your thighs and part your legs, moaning into his mouth as he enters your soaked entrance. Noah stretches you out, leaving you a trembling mess, faring no better than he currently was under you, as his hips thrust against you and you-fuck!
Itâs a tangle of limbs as you wrap your arms around him, lacing your fingers behind his neck, wanting more, and more as your hips more erratically against his.
Noah is all kisses and moans and his fingers bruising the skin of your hips as he presses you closer against him.
You donât really know or care about anything but the feel of his cock inside you, as he thrusts with fervor, and clutches you near. You just want and want and stars dance across your eyelids as your skin catches fire, the heat in your belly finally boiling over as you fuck him, grinding your hips against his.
You splutter, reaching your climax while topping the boy youâve been in love with for what might as well be your whole life. Itâs just your strained voice, repeating his name, âNoah,â like itâs an answer to the whole meaning of life bullshit.
Good.
Bad.
It always comes back to him.
Noah.
He comes against you a second later, your name a sharp breath on his lips, before he goes as boneless as you feel. Youâre on cloud fucking nine.
Itâs a feeling no amount of weed can come close to.
Exhausted, you get off of him, slumping into a puddle on the bed. Fucking Florida. You were too hot and sweaty to curl under the blankets now.
âI fucking love you.â
âOh,â you snipe back, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, ânow that Iâve fucked you you tell me.â
âShut up,â Noah manages. âYou know what I mean.â
âYeah, yeah. Go toss the condom.â
He sits up slowly, âoh this episodeâs my favorite.â
Youâd completely forgotten about Bobâs Burgers reruns playing on the TV.
*
*
*
Itâs New Yearâs Eve and the three of you are eating ice cream on the beach. Only in Florida.
âAnd why canât I go in the water?â
âBecause you donât have your bathing suit,â Noah tells Jane for the hundredth time.
âI promise Iâll just stick my feet in.â
âIâve heard that one before,â you shake your head.
She frowns. âI promise!â
What the heck. Itâs not like you were going anywhere else after this. âOkay. But you have to finish your ice cream first.â
âWow,â Noah says, throwing his arm around your shoulder and leaning his weight against you, making you stumble in the sand. âWhat a pushover.â
âMe!â You reply, offended. âYou let her stay home for no reason.â
The twins exchange glances. âShe had chickenpox,â Noah shrugs shamelessly.
âAnd Iâm the Queen of England.â
âKorean skincare does miracles.â
You roll your eyes at him, âshut up.â
Jane giggles easily as she decides this patch of sand is the one, and sits down, licking her rocky road ice cream happily.
âJane,â you ask gently.
âYeah?â
âDo you remember why youâre ten and weâre not?â It had been bugging you, ever since the parent teacher conference. There had been no more nightmares since September, but it bothered you, that she might remember anything. That Jane might not want to tell you. You couldnât help her if she didnât tell you.
She shrugs. âNot really,â with a childâs ability to shrug things off.
Noah asks the question youâve been dreading. âDo you remember Redfield?â
Jane looks at you both, frowning. âWho?â
Your shoulders sag with relief. You hide it with a bite of your ice cream cone. Jane had a habit of picking up on things.
âNo one important,â Noah brushes off, running a hand through his hair.
âYou guys are being weird,â Jane complains. âIs this about you two being gross together? I saw you holding hands.â She narrows her eyes at you accusingly. âDonât you remember boys have cooties.â She shakes her head. âGrown ups.â
âJane,â Noah squeaks.
You laugh, covering your mouth with the back of your hand. âYeah. We thought you should know.â It was better to leave the whole Redfield business behind. She didnât need that shit weighing her down. âI donât know. I like your brother a lot for some reason. Ava says itâs trauma induced codependency but sheâs Ava so. . .â
Jane frowns again, letting the ice cream drip onto the sand as she thinks. âDoes that mean Iâm getting a sister?â
Itâs your turn to be flabbergasted, as your skin reddens into a ripe tomato. âWhat!â
âItâs only fair,â she explains. âIf you get my brother then I should get a new sister.â
âHow about a stuffed animal,â you barter.
âYou let me play five Nights at Freddies?â
âNo way Jane,â Noah says, shaking his head. âItâll give you nightmares.â
âWhat about minecraft,â you try. âJust on Fridays though.â
âOkay. i donât want my ice cream anymore. I want to go play in the water.â
You nod, kicking your shoes off. âOkay yeah. Letâs go throw it away. Iâm sick of mine too.â
You toss the ice cream and race Jane into the waves.
#noah marshall#ilitw noah#noah x mc#it lives in the woods#jane marshall#mine#theyre like 18/19 theyre not lasting long during sex#but also i love mc and noah having shit parents and then turning around and being much better parents#to jane#ABUSE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU#okay but also mc and noah being soulmates and being that couple thats known each other their whole lives#i love
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Story time! The start of this story has a bit of a theme song, because i just always think of this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyGSe7⌠Sad and awful as it looks, this actually has a majorly happy ending! Major thank you to my friend Sumi-Sprite for collaging this for me! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When Walter is 22, he goes on a very dangerous mission with Lance. While they wait for backup (which Lance is willing to accept most of the time now on account of personal growth), the duo storms a chemical lab, where the "final battle" takes place. I don't have a lot of details worked out, but long story short, they succeed in their mission (with several casualties as a result of what comes next), but fire and blow-outs in the lab lead to a very terrifying situation. The men find themselves in a space with only one oxygen mask for emergencies. Lance forces Walter to wear it,  but even after being taught compromise, the latter is very stubborn. As Lance begins to lose consciousness from being stuck inhaling smoke and various chemicals, Walter takes advantage of this. He shoots him in the neck with his own tranquilizer (a familiar scene, no?), and as Lance is passing out, Walter gives him the mask instead. Lance passes out from the tranquilizer, and Walter slowly begins to suffocate until he too, is rendered unconscious. Lance wakes up in the medical bay at the H.T.U.V. Delirious but suddenly remembering the mission, he starts to panic and call out for Walter. Not a few moments later, the younger of them reveals he's in a bed right beside Lance's, groggy with an oxygen mask strapped to his face, an IV in his arm and an EKG hooked up to him, but he's smiling and reaching out for Lance. Lance takes the boy's hand firmly and says "You scared me." Walter answers with "You scared me first...!" He sleepily explains that backup came and rescued them and brought them back to the agency, where they've apparently only been for a short while. In better shape than Walter on account of the latter's sacrifice, Lance gets up and lays beside him, jokingly threatening a "quadruple fire" if he ever does something like that again. Walter very softly smiles and says "I'm not sorry." When Marcy eventually shows up to visit them after hearing the news, she finds them laying there in the bed together and jokingly asks if she's interrupting something. "Nope, just two grown men cuddling after they almost died, nothin' to see here," answers Lance in a similar tone. Marcy informs them that most of their targets were saved and are in custody (some of them being in the hospital), but a few of them died from the fire and chemical blast. Walter is sad to hear it, but accepting of it, and glad that not every life was lost. About an hour or two later, he's stable enough to be off of the oxygen and other attachments. With all the smoke and chemical inhalation, the medical staff advises giving Walter a bronchoscopy to check for potential damage to his lungs. Such a procedure often only requires conscious sedation with a numbing of the nose and throat, but when they get him to the operating room, Walter panics at the thought of being awake while having a scope down his throat; after having nearly suffocated to death just hours ago, the thought of being awake and the fear of suffocating again is too much to bear (even though he would be fine). So instead, they decide to give him a general anesthesia and put him under for the procedure. It's just safer for everyone this way. When it's over and he's beginning to wake from the anesthesia, Walter is wheeled back to his room on the bed, and is happy to see Marcy and Lance waiting for him. But anesthesia is a funny thing, and as he's wheeled in, he's singing the Disclaimer Song in a very loopy fashion. Once settled, he chooses not to finish the song. This conversation ensues: ------- "Lance: You're not gonna finish the song? Walter: *mildly sassy* Ffffhhh, youknooww... I sing...ALLLL the tiiime, anndiiiffinishh all of them, anndd it'ssfuunn, buut... Whyy issitt aalwaayys me...? Why'd's WalterrBeckkett onlyy siing??? YOUU finishth'sonng... Lance: *"well shit" face* Wow, all right then, I'll finish the song. âŤDon't try this at home, if you do, you might--⍠Ey, aren't you gonna sing? Walter: ...Mmm givinng youaheadd starrtt..." ------- He joins in eventually. There is a lot of talking about various things, and lots of Marcy and Lance laughing to themselves at the rambling and singing. Oh yes, more singing. Lots of singing. Lance records some of the rambling, including an entire conversation that begins with Walter casually asking if they'll have to "take his lungs out." After being told no, that he's perfectly fine, he says it would be hard to breathe without lungs, and then regales his company with the thought of the lungs being replaced with balloons. Specifically, the left one would be blue, and the right one would be red. Why? He doesn't know, it's not his call, apparently. At the thought of them popping if he took too deep a breath, a laughing fit on Walter's part ensues. A little while later, this conversation happens: --- "Walter: Whenn I'mmbetterr, 'm gonna drriiveyou'round in the e-tron... Lance: You wanna drive me around? Walter: Yeaaah... Ohh, waait... Imight craash... Lance: Naaahhh, i think it'd be worth the risk. You can drive the car. Walter: Buutt youuloove that carr... Lance: Yeah, well... I love you more. Walter: Hmm..... Whaat...? Lance: *softly* I said I love you, Walter." --- Lance has told him this before, but in his drugged up state, the blatant expression of love swiftly turns the tide of the mood from funny to pitiful. Walter bursts into tears and tells Lance he loves him, too. And Marcy. And Killian, and Joy, and Lovey and Jeff and Crazy Eyes, and Terrance even though he ignores him, and August (OC) and Ramsey (OC [sorta]) and Shannon (OC) and that he thinks it's mean that people nickname Joy "Joyless," all while bawling his poor eyes out. Endeared, Marcy and Lance try to calm him down. But Walter reveals that he hasn't forgotten his conversation with Lance when they first woke up in that room together. He says he's sorry for scaring Lance, that he just didn't want him to die because he "doesn't want to be alone again," but that he understands Lance has the same fear and he just couldn't win. Somewhere in the rambling mess of emotions, he mentions fear of Lance "dying like his mother." Basically, every subconscious or pushed-down negative thought and feeling he's had since the mission comes blubbering out in a heap of drunken tears and sadness. Seeing how very real his distress is, his company is quick to try and ease his mind and offer him comfort. Walter asks if Lance really is going to fire him again, to which Lance says no. He then asks if Lance is mad at him, which earns another "no." Lance says no one is mad at him, that he just needs to close his eyes and try to take a nap. After a few minutes of quietly crying to himself with his eyes closed, Walter comes to a terrifying conclusion... What if he never stops crying?! Of course, Lance almost bursts out laughing, but a death glare from Marcy forces him to keep it to himself, lest he risk further upsetting Walter. It may sound ridiculous, but for someone who's been anesthetized, every feeling is very real. Marcy comforts him, tells him no, he's not going to cry forever. It's not long before the tears slow down. They don't stop, but they slow down. [fun fact: crying is reported in 40% of patients who wake from anesthesia, be it for a presented reason or for no reason at all. Very little is known about why this occurs, though it's suspected that the stress and fear from whatever they had to be put out for manifests itself in that drugged-up state. This is referred to as "the boo-hoos."] But it's late, and Marcy must go home. She and Lance talk off to the side, and the lady gives her man a kiss to remember her by for the evening.~ After Marcy's departure, Lance decides that after everything they've been through and with how upset Walter's been, he will sleep in the bed with him. He reclines him, crawls in, and holds him tight until morning. Walter wakes up around 1 in the morning, mildly confused, but Lance tells him to go back to sleep. Happy that Lance stayed with him and choosing not to question this unexpected all-night cuddling party, he submits without a word. By morning, everything is fine, and the anesthesia has worn off. Before the lad can even put his clothes on, Lance just HAS to show him the video he took of him while he was all loopy. Walter is embarrassed and cringes through it, but also laughs at some parts. It's a happy ending. "Okay but for real, don't ever do that again."     "No promises." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------- This movie is something else. Lance, Walter and Killian have all experienced trauma and loss, but in different ways. Walter and Killian are the extremes; one copes with loss through love, wanting desperately to let people in and let others know they aren't alone. Killian has no way to cope, and expresses his pain through hatred and a desperate longing to make the one who hurt him feel what he's felt, and then end it all in his own death. Lance is right in the middle. He has acquaintances, he talks to people, he cares, but he holds everyone at arm's length. He pretends everything is fine, he acts cold and aloof, "too cool" for playing on a team or working with others. But really, it's a fear of letting others in, because life could take it all away again. He still bears a lot of empathy, but also exercises carelessness on criminals. He and Killian are not so different, but with Walter's help, both men learn to open up (we can see Killian's expression for redemption in his final scene in the movie, we know he was a little touched that Walter saved him. Also consider, Killian didn't know Walter survived that fall at the time). So now that they're partners and each have someone in their lives to love -- multiple people now, in fact, it means feeling desperation to keep them close. It means taking a bigger risk, it means work. After everything they've been through, no, Lance is not ashamed to hug and hold and love on his little nerdy white gay son. He's not afraid of intimacy anymore, no matter the form. He'll take what he can get, because tomorrow is never a promise. Would you die for the ones you love...?
#Spies in Disguise#Walter Beckett#Lance Sterling#Marcy Kappel#Unus Annus#kind of#i mean i meme their song all the time#disclaimer song
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People do you live with - are they related to you? they are indeed
Have you ever had to have surgery before? What was this for? not yet
Are you listening to any music right now? What song is it? just finished, got tired/bored of it
Who did you last hug? When did this hug take place? Where? my mom, today, home
Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? my gf, yes
Do you enjoy shopping? Who do you usually go shopping with anyways? yes, mostly looking at stuff, dad
Are you afraid of thunderstorms? What exactly makes you afraid of them? nah
What color are the shutters on your house by the windows, if there are any? we donât have shutters
Do you enjoy talking smack to those annoying telemarketers? Is it funny? I disconnect immediately
Do you need spellcheck in order to spell things correctly? usually not Do you do too many surveys? How many have you done today? yeah but itâs smth that keeps my mind occupied in those stressful times and I enjoy it for fun - you donât have to read them if you donât want to, let me do what I want to survive, I donât need to explain myself actually as itâs my life Have you ever changed yourself to impress someone? I regret that Who was the last person you gave up on? Why did you give up on them? I gave up on almost everyone including myself Is there ink in your printer? not black, only color Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? taking care of trash and dog What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? many
Have you ever buried a time capsule with a friend? Did you dig it up yet? with my sister, it disappeared Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? never happened Where did you get your favorite hoodie? itâs my sisterâs old hoodie Are shoes under your bed? I donât keep anything under my bed Have you ever been in handcuffs? *wink* not yet :P Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? I might for my gastroscopy someday because I have a strong gag reflex and thereâs no other way :( When are you planning on moving out of your parentsâ house? plan pfft... Are you a fan of dogs? small dogs Who was the last person in your family to graduate high school? Was it you? immediate family? it was me
What genre was the last song you listened to? dance/electronic I see⌠Did it have a male or female vocalist? female Have you watched any of your favourite TV shows today? Which? I havenât watched any TV show today What colour is your make-up bag? I donât use one Have you ever dyed your hair green? yep
What color was the first pet you had? green
Have you ever had fake nails? nope
What was your favorite year of high school? definitely not the last, probably first
Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? both include choking but drowning gives you a bigger chance of survival
Does your family own more than two houses? weâre too poor for that and owning more than one house is unfair in my opinion
Would you marry someone who could never have sex for medical reasons? Iâm asexual, I donât like/want/need sex so thatâs cool
What about someone who was guaranteed to die in five years? anyone can die any moment so yes
Do you have any step parents? no
Do you know what year your mother was born in? I always forget
The person you would never want to meet? someone dangerous If you were a type of tree, what would you be? weeping willow or hollow/dead tree of some sort
Favorite age youâve been so far? childhood in general I think You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? maybe even myself?... If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? I donât want a slave wtf You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? save it Are you a good kisser? am not Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?⨠several times Have you ever built a snowman? of course Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises, even tho Iâm not a morning person If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? dog + elephant Can you do any accents other than your own? not well What is the last thing you drew a picture of? not sure what was last
If the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? Do you think youâd be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? hell no, I wouldnât be comfy enough to look at penises, gross! Have you ever considered keeping a dream journal? If you have one, have you ever looked back on it at all of the odd/interesting dreams you used to have? gonna burn it soon Do you think regifting is cheap, or is it okay? Have you ever regifted before? itâs ok, yeah
Do you like tablets or laptops more? laptops Have you ever had to âcome outâ to your parents about anything (sexual orientation, change in religion, etc.)? How did it go? yep, it didnât went well but it could be way worse Whatâs the most unusual kind of pizza youâve ever tried? nothing unusual Has there ever been a time where you thought you were going to be great friends with someone, but it just never happened? yep :( Whatâs one of your favorite things to touch/feel? hmm... How often do you wear tights? very rarely Why is your favorite TV show your favorite? I like many but my favs I chose basing on the impact on my life Describe your favorite picture of yourself, or post it. those funniest and with my dad too I guess Assuming you have a Facebook, if one of your friends posted things that annoyed you, would you be more likely to delete them as a friend, hide their statuses, or just put up with it? hide statuses but if theyâre not close to me I might even kick them out of my friends list forever, definitely wonât just put up with it When was the last time you wore a sports bra? yesterday On a scale of 1-10, how anxious are you currently? 11 How is the weather? windy
If you were a pirate, what would your name be? Sam Bell or Robin Hood unless you ask me for a nickname then Iâd have to think about it more
Would you rather go the short way slow, or take the long way fast if you got there in the same amount of time? doesnât matter
Would you rather always be in a crowd, or be the only person on earth? only personÂ
Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or the bottom? Â middle?
If you had to move out of this country, what country would you move to? Why? Â England or some scandinavian ones I believe
How many children do you want? Girls or boys? Â 0 but if any then 1 girl
If you had to lose one of your five senses, which one of them would you prefer to lose and why? smell because itâs hyper and I hate that
If you could live anywhere for one year, all expenses paid, where would you live? just my own apartment
Whatâs your favorite song to karaoke to? *shrug*
What takes you out of your comfort zone? Â life
If you were on the cover of a magazine, which one would it be and why? I want my apartment to be on a cover of an interior design magazine
If you could be laid to rest anywhere, where would it be? Why? next to my brother and/or my dad after his death
Pool side or beach? beach
What is your favorite primary color? yellow
What is your favorite brand of bottled water? I donât care anymore If you were to write a story, what would it be about? already written some When was the last time you got out of your home? not counting going to my garden/yard - yesterday Do you like color pencils or crayons better? colored pencils Have you ever played Badminton? I liked to Would you ever consider running for president? nah What color is the sky right now? light blue Is March one of your favorite seasons? why not Do you write little reminders to yourself? shitload Would you want a pet iguana? I heard they commit suicide :x Exactly how many days have you been alive? 10,399 Do you know how to knit/crochet? a bit Do you enjoy windy days? I like the sound of wind and zephyr during the hottest days but thatâs all
Do you believe that big goals are just as attainable as small ones? some to some
Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? deleted and made new account
How many times a day do you change your clothes? depends
When was the last time you used spray paint? long time ago
What color are the chairs at your kitchen table? white
Do you believe that life only gets harder or easier? harder to me
Have you ever had sex with 2 different people in the same week? noooo
Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? on top of one another
If youâve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? not applicable
do you sing to songs in the car when you are alone? I donât drive so Iâm never alone in the car
do you laugh at other people when they are alone in their car singing? itâs cute
the world will end in an hour. what do you do? send a cab for my dad if possible to bring him home
does the weirdest dream you have ever had involve your history teacher? thatâs weirdly specific - no
how many christmas trees are in your home during the season? depends
ever told your date you were going to the bathroom and actually left? nope but if I was scared of them I could do that :o
what never fails to put you in a bad mood? ugh...
what is the first thing that comes to mind when i say green? plants
did you know that you hear/see something that relates to a monkey everyday? really? I donât believe you
do you share a bed with anyone, or is it allll yours? itâs allll mine
are you from the north/south/west/east? personal
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Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 4 - Trials and Tribulations (3rd game)
Turnabout Memories Omggg! I canât believe we get to see Phoenix and Miaâs first meeting! Iâve always liked Mia so this is great! Itâs so cute to see a younger Phoenix that is so cute and careless haha. Didnât expect him to be the defendant for Miaâs second case ever though, but I guess it is a Phoenix Wright game, they gotta put him in the spotlight somehow, so if heâs not the defence, heâll have to be a suspect hahaha. Itâs so adorable when Phoenix cries lmao, but wow Dahlia is so cute and pretty, sheâs an angel! Those butterflies hovering around her though lmao. The bottle necklace was really cool.
Wow, I really liked how this case turned out, it definitely feels more in line with the cases in the first game that I liked the most, mainly because itâs simple, itâs straightforward and it rounds up all the evidence and people mentioned nicely. I didnât expect Phoenix to be so smitten with Dahlia though lol, but yeah, sheâs really evil, not that we get to know what her motives for killing that attorney were, but dang was she evil to give the bottle that hid the poison to Phoenix so the police wouldnât find it. I find it kinda funny that it ended up backfiring on her because Phoenix refused to return it to her later on so she had to keep dating him to try and get it back loll. Gotta feel sorry for the ex though, he noticed that she was dodgy and had stolen poison from his labs and was nice enough to warn Phoenix, but that instead led to his death, sigh, so terrible. Considering Dahliaâs last words, I guess weâll be seeing her again⌠But yeah, I really liked this case especially with Mia being the lawyer, you can see how great she was even when she was a newbie. Lmao at Mr Payne losing his hair and screaming when he lost loll. Gotta love all the exaggeration, it really makes the game haha.
The Stolen Turnabout Itâs nice to see Andrews living a better life now than when she was a manager. Lmaoo that no one noticed the urn being weird with the name spelt wrong since Pearl glued it back in the wrong places. Shocking that the village is famous enough that their âtreasuresâ are being exhibited though lol. Otherwise, Atmey the ace detective doesnât seem very interesting of a guy lol. I have to say, I miss Larry and his ability to complicate everything so itâs nice to see him again! Canât believe he and Phoenix didnât talk to each other for two years though! But, I guess considering the type of happy go lucky guy he is, Larry following a woman to Japan and then getting dumped is believable loll. I wonder if he makes all the girls he dates famous or something loll. Anyway, I donât know why, but I feel like Atmey looks like and feels like Mask DeMasque. Okay, I love Godotâs look, he looks cool!! HAHAHA, I love him already, heâs never won or lost a case before because heâs a beginner hahahaha. Heâs such an eccentric but itâs so cute, it was so funny and slack when he wanted to call his next witness, but Gumshoe said he hadnât proven anything yet, and Godot says he already proved his incompetence LOL. And I love how Godot said the safest place to keep evidence is by him pocketing them hahahah. Gotta love everyoneâs confidence here, Atmey especially, he didnât even get to see the culpritâs face and was knocked out by him but heâs still so full of himself lolll. Gotta love how lenient the judge is with all the dodgy people, but I guess thatâs expected since heâs not the best himself hahaha. LMAO when Godot said objection and threw his coffee at Phoenix (Godot Blend #102 hahaha) and you see the cup on his head whilst itâs dripping coffee hahahaha.
Anyway, what is wrong with Ron? Why is he so insistent on being Mask DeMasque and being pronounced guilty? Ohh wow, didnât expect the CEO that was apparently blackmailing Ron to die, and to think that Phoenix proving him to be at the CEO office at the time of the theft saved him from the current case but now has caused him to be arrested for murdering the CEO. Aside from that, I love how when Godot is losing to Phoenix, steam comes out of his head or he just says random things about coffee to express his feelings lmao. Hahaahha Wendy Oldbag is Larryâs superior and partner in KB Security? Loll, they both sound so dodgy, Iâm worried for this building. I wonder if Mask DeMasque is like two people or something lol. Hmm so Ron was the thief but someone gave him the plans and what to steal~ HAHAHA, lmao when Godot said âyou did it, didnât you?â to Ron when he was about to start testifying and Ron with a serious face says âyesâ and then realises what he just said yes to and starts saying noooo LOL. Like the judge said, it really could have been the shortest trial ever hahahaha. Gotta love Gadotâs variety of reactions, it was so hilarious whenever he spat his coffee out at Phoenix uncovering things that were unexpected to him hahaha. Anyway, I really liked how things went on in this part of the trial! Even though it was obvious Detective Atmey was the culprit, it was interesting to see how he made everyone fall into the trap of thinking he was actually Mask DeMasque in order to get himself a guilty verdict of larceny as his alibi to protect him from actually being accused of murdering the CEO. That felt really clever and interesting imo. Well, glad to know Desiree really loves Ron as much as he loves her, so itâs a nice ending for them haha.
Overall, although Atmey was a boring culprit when considering his motives etc, I found the flow of the case really fun and interesting. The case started off pretty funny and amusing by introducing the broken urn from the previous game again and making it seem like a theft case, when really it interrelated with the idea of someone trying to use the double jeopardy rule (canât be tried for the same charges twice when some sort of verdict has been made already) to get themselves out of the more serious crime. I liked the idea and the execution of it quite a bit and enjoyed how everything turned out~
Recipe for Turnabout A fake Nick?! Isnât it a bit crazy that no one in court or anything knew it was a fake though?? Not sure if I like the sound of this case already⌠The fake also kinda tarnished his reputation for losing and getting a guilty verdict too! Well, I didnât expect to see Maggey again, bad luck follows her everywhere, huh? Even when sheâs been fired as a police officer and is now a waitress⌠Yahh, Armstrong is certainly an eccentric character⌠Well, uh, aside from the disgusting food, overly pungent flower smell in the restaurant and those weird dodgy aromatherapy oils heâs giving out, is there anything good about this guy or restaurant?! Omgg lace curtains in a kitchen, I am dreading the possibility of a fire already⌠Lmao when Maya in that maid/waitress outfit couldnât entice Victor to talk and so she had to turn into Mia lolll.
Honestly though, Godot makes me want to drink coffee allll the time hahaha. Lmaooo at Gumshoe trying so hard to get Phoenix to doubt his testimony and evidence so that Maggey can be freed hahahah. Awww so cute how Gumshoe made a lunchbox for Maggey since she seemed to have lost weight from the stress of the case! Lmao that itâs just a bunch of weenies/sausages with rice though hahahah. Iâm surprised no one cares or thinks the chef is suspicious especially since Maggey fainted when the guy got poisoned, like ummm okay?? Iâd say that the idea of the Victor seeing a fake crime scene with a fake victim was interesting, but at the same time, it felt really implausible? Especially with how easily it was renounced by Phoenix because of the radio lottery announcement that occurs at 1:30pm every time? Lmao at everyone (even the judge hahaha) getting scared of Tigreâs dominating presence and shouting so they hide under the table lolll. Gotta love how calm Godot remains.
And yeahâŚthe way they tricked him into telling the whole court what the bottle of potassium cyanide actually looked like etc was just..so, how do I say it? Unsatisfying??? Well, technically I felt like the whole story of this case and how it happened and why it happened was pretty bland already, but even the way they got him was just so uncharacteristically satisfying. I feel like what I enjoy most about the game is when they give you the evidence and the testimonies and that leads you to solving the case with clear cut evidence etc to show that âthis personâ did it. It just feels rather cheap when they deviate from that since it doesnât feel like the reader themselves really did their part to show why this person is guilty, instead youâre reliant on Phoenix doing something random and dodgy to succeed. On another note, I found Maggey blaming Gumshoe and hating on him really annoying especially when she was a policewoman before and so she should understand that he had to give the facts, like seriously, you canât blame him for telling the truth, especially when he ran around everywhere trying to help find evidence to prove her innocence. Not only was she not grateful for any of it, she KEEPS blaming him even after the trial ends! Like girl, he has no obligation (other than his job) to help her to such an extent that heâs even making lunchboxes etc for her, I was so annoyed with her, and do not want to see her again honestly, but I doubt itâs the last time we see her zzz. Considering how annoying she was about it all, Iâm surprised she still ate the lunchbox in the end, Gumshoe is wasted on her. But yeah, basically, not a fan of this case in terms of story or the characters/witnesses. Victor was okay because he was a silly guy, but Tigre was so boring, even more boring than I initially thought.
Turnabout Beginnings Iâm glad we get to see Miaâs first case! I was scared they might put it in the next game or something haha. Is Diego (another attorney in the same law firm as Mia) Godotâs father or something? Or is it actually Godot himself? Or am I just thinking too much haha. Omgggg I canât believe Edgeworth is the prosecutor!! Young him is so cute though lol. Nah, Diego has the statement coffee cup, heâs gotta be related to Godot, it must run in the family!! Loll. Awww Gumshoe and Edgeworth go way back! So, is Melissa Dahlia? Did she change her name?? Honestly though, Iâm not really interested in the case haha, doesnât help how biased the judge is and how tricky Edgeworth is lol. Okay, that was unexpected, Valerie, Fawles and Dahlia were in on this âkidnappingâ to get some cash out of it, but Valerie betrayed them and caused her sister, the little girl âDahliaâ to fall to her death on the bridge? Ohh okay, that turned out more interesting than I thought. I can see why Mia was quite traumatised with her first case, she was so close to revealing Dahlia to be the one that jumped off the bridge herself to keep that 2 million diamond for herself, and how she killed her sister and pinned it on Terry to stop the truth from getting out, and yetâŚTerry was so obsessed and taken with Dahlia that he chose to commit suicide instead, and it was by drinking poison from that bottle Phoenix had in the beginning of the first case in this game⌠That was honestly pretty saddening.
Bridge to the Turnabout Okay, initially, I was sceptical about this with the Iris seeming to be Dahlia thing and the temple stuff etc, but now that Phoenix is hurt and Larry wants Edgeworth to defend Iris, this seems like itâll be a fun case! Like, sure, the court was dodgy enough to accept a paper attorney badge last time and not even recognise Phoenixâs imposter, but everyone knows Edgeworth is a prosecutor! How are they going to get around that? Loll. Swapping the judge out is a good idea to get around it, but I like the judge!! Well, the judges are brothers so I guess thatâs cool hahaha. But yeah, I love the usual judge, heâs so silly, itâs hilarious! Anyway, lmao that the âblackmail letterâ to Iris was actually Larryâs love letter hahahaha, he ended up scaring her away instead lollll.
Omggg Franziska vs Edgeworth?? I prefer Godot but I guess this match will be interesting. Hahahaha at the judge thinking Edgeworth looks familiar (since heâs the same judge that was in the Mia vs Edgeworth case back in the day) and Franziska insisting thereâs no such weakling in the prosecutorâs office lolll. And then I love how the judge tries to get rid of Franziskaâs whip but Edgeworth says she should be allowed to keep it since he doesnât care lolll, what about the judgeâs wishes?! Lmaoo at Sister Bikini (what a name btw LOL) being so short (because of her bad back) at the witness podium, you just see her eyes blinking hahahaha, and then they had to get milk crates for her ahahaha. Awwww Edgeworth is so cute to say he now understands why Phoenix feels so happy when he exposes contradictions in testimonies hahaha. Larry is hilarious, I canât believe he was literally sketching for 15 minutes when the bridge was burning down instead of getting help LOL. Itâs normal for Edgeworth and Franziska to insult Larryâs intelligence but lmao at even the judge saying he was surprised Larry actually witnessed an actual event loll. Gotta love how Larry makes every case heâs in more complicated haha.
Hmmm is Godot the guy that was poisoned by Dahlia?đ§ Is Elise Mayaâs mother? She is!! Iris is Pearlsâ sister??? Do they even know about each other?? Oh wait, now Iris is a twin?? Well, I was thinking that was the only logical explanation to the people sighting her everywhere and the extra psyche locks on the Sacred Cavern (where Maya is trapped) but Iâm still surprised that theyâre all actually Morganâs (Mistyâs sister, so Maya and Miaâs aunt) daughters! Ummm, if Irisâ father is a jeweller and he left Kurain village with the twin daughters after knowing that Morgan could never be the master, and if he gave Iris up to the temple and kept the other daughter⌠Does that mean Dahlia is the other sister and thatâs why she really wanted that jewel in that case? Oh wow, Iris was a part of the fake kidnapping as well but somehow betrayed Dahlia causing her âkilling spreeâ. Hmm if they stole the jewel as ârevengeâ on their father for how he treated Morgan (dumping her since she was useless to him), what was their plan exactly?
Hahaha gotta love that the trial has barely started and itâs already killing Phoenix since Iris just confessed sheâs actually an accomplice to the murder! Well, the pendulum swinging the body back was pretty much what I expected even though it still kinda sounds rather far fetched⌠And I was wondering why Iris was weird, sheâs actually Dahlia! Iâm kinda confused at the idea of them being able to materialise Dahlia without actually having her body like possess someone? Since itâs implied initially that Misty was the one channeling her, but now that sheâs dead, sheâs still materialised?? Iâve been thinking about this for a while, but wouldnât it be most likely that the one channeling Dahlia is actually Maya? And yep it was! I was thinking it was impossible for Pearl to have been the one channeling her since she already since she didnât and couldnât do it, so I was so confused haha. Itâs good that Maya was smart enough to consult Mia and thatâs how they were able to plan and get Maya to protect herself from Dahlia by being the one channeling her so that she wouldnât be able to know that the one she actually needed to hurt was herself. That thing Dahlia kinda became when she was disappeared was pretty menacing, I feel like she would be back in a future game just because of how vengeful she is tbh.
Omg, the defence attorney Dahlia poisoned was Armando, the guy who was helping Mia out in that trial with Dahlia. Both Mia and him were still suspicious of Dahlia after that case so she killed himâŚ. I knew it was coming, but to think that Diego Armando is really Godot⌠Like, donât get me wrong, I love Godotâs looks, but Iâm sure having to wear that visor to see things etc already kinda depicts how terrible his life must had become after the incident with Dahlia. Oh wow, Godot was in a coma for 5 years due to the poison⌠I never expected Godot to have loved Mia so much that he hated Phoenix for not being able to protect her whilst he was asleep. And I didnât expect him to care so much that he made protecting Maya one of his reasons for living, since he knew that she was the most important person to Mia. Itâs so tragic yet sweet⌠I didnât think Misty, Iris and Godot all cooperated trying to foil Morganâs plan though⌠Honestly, it broke my heart to see Godot trying to guide Phoenix to the end of the trial by himself instead of always relying on Mia. Itâs true that he hated Phoenix for not protecting Mia, but Godot also hated himself for missing out on everything that happened as well, he felt like he failed as well. So having to see Phoenix point out that Godot was the murderer was so tough and terrible to witness, mainly because they all did what they did to protect Maya. Misty channeled Dahliaâs soul to prevent Pearl from doing it, but that meant it was up to Godot to stop her, and there was no other way to stop her than for Godot to have stabbed her at that moment. Although Godot doubts whether he did it for Maya or for himself (for revenge on Dahlia poisoning him), I think thereâs no need to even think about it, even though he had his own sort of pride (for not telling Phoenix about the plan), in his own way, he did what he could to protect what was precious to Mia. And that honestly breaks my heart.
The other most surprising thing to come out of this was that in reality, Dahlia and Phoenix only met each other twice (when she used him to hide the poison and when she tried to poison him in the end), all the other times they met and dated and had a relationship, it was actually Iris trying her best to get the bottle back from him so that Dahlia wouldnât kill him. Although, she obviously failed and that caused Dahlia to hatch her plan and not tell Iris about it because she knew Iris had fallen in love with Phoenix. Honestly though, I really wanted Phoenix and Iris to get together this whole time, so knowing that they used to be together was really nice. If only it was possible in the future too⌠I thought it was really cool and bittersweet how Phoenix and Godot shared a cup of coffee with each other at the end of the trial. I guess in a sense, heâs finally free since the case is resolved, but at the same time I canât help but feel so sad about it all. Maya and Pearl are really strong for being able to keep up their smiles.
Honestly, I found the last case to be rather convoluted and boring because of the fact that Iâve never really been a fan of the supernatural element of the game with the Kurain channelling technique. The only times I liked them using it was to bring back Mia, but not really in an actual case, so that detracted points for me, and I guess also because Dahlia wasnât a very interesting villain either. Dahlia is just like this ball of pure hatred for everything and everyone for betraying her and treating her like crap, and although itâs understandable, aside from her looks, there was nothing I liked about her lol. However, the last case definitely hit me in the feels the best out of all the cases in this trilogy, I legit wanted to cry because of Godotâs/Armandoâs story and motivations, he was really relatable and I couldnât help but really empathise with his hatred, his sadness and his forced acceptance of reality in the present. It was painful to witness because of how much it broke my heart. He is definitely my favourite character for this whole franchise. Larry and Mia being close seconds haha.
Overall, although I found the Maggey case and the Godot one lacking in terms of the case itself, most of this third game was great! I enjoyed most of it and really felt like it had the gist of what I loved in the first game so it was great to play through it! The psyche locks are still something I donât like, but oh well. Honestly, I really wanted to play as Edgeworth a bit more but I guess I can play that other game with him as the MC? Itâs on Android so I guess I can play it on that haha. I think my favourite part was being able to play as Mia, I really enjoyed getting to see more of her personality and how she worked her way through her cases and how much of an impact that first case had on her. She should get spin offs too! Tbh, my favourite case was hers with Edgeworth because just as it had an impact on them with the suicide at the end, I also found it very interesting and engaging with how the case flowed and how it ended up all going downhill at the last moment. I feel like it was a really refreshing take amongst the usual cases. All in all, I would definitely recommend the trilogy because it really is so much fun! Iâm so sad that itâs over tbh, I hope they port the other games, I want to see more!! A lot of the things are silly especially with introducing evidence out of nowhere and all that, but it just makes the whole story so much more entertaining, so I think if youâre not crazy strict about how courts should be like and just want some law drama fun, this is probably the epitome of it, because I have to admit, itâs so satisfying to hear Phoenix and them shout âobjection!â all the time haha. The dialogue is so witty, cool and fun that it really makes the game such a highlight with how the prosecutor and defence attorney interact, and you just gotta love the silly judge adding his random comments hahaha. I miss it alreadyđ
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Wisdom Teeth
Pairing: Loki x Reader
Summary: After a fight on the field you later on figure out thereâs something wrong with your tooth. After getting inspected youâre told you need to take your wisdom teeth out. After this Loki is the only one around to watch after you.
Warnings: Mention of Blood (sort of)
A/N: I love watching those videos of people after having their wisdom teeth removed haha thatâs where this idea came from. Requests are open!
During your last battle on the field, you had taken quite the hit to your jaw. It had been sore and it hadnât stopped this aching for over a week. Finally after continuous pestering from everyone else, you faced your horrible fear of the dentist and went for a check in. Upon their inspection they seen your wisdom teeth needed to be removed.
You didnât think you would need anyone to look after you so, you hadnât asked anyone to stay behind and do so. Yet, here you sat in a chair, unable to operate machinery, blood oozing from the area in which your teeth had been removed and into what felt like cotton balls.
âHawpy!â You practically shrieked into the phone that you held. You heard a groan on the other half of the line.
âY/N. What do you need? The kid keeps calling on the other line, I have enough to deal with.â Happy responded.
âI need a wide home, I forgot that part.â You mumbled. The cotton balls in your mouth making your words sound like those that belonged to a two year old.
âWhy are you talking like that? Did you go to the dentist after all?â
âYeah, I donât know it feels like I have drugs in me,â You chuckle a bit at the way the nurse looked at you hunching in the chair, âbut they wonât let me leave without a ride signing for me. They didnât believe me when I said I was Tony Stark.â
Happy immediately rolled his eyes and said, âYeah okay, Iâll be over there soon. Donât move.â He warned.
After Happy signed for you and brought you back to the tower, he beckoned anyone that was home. The first and only person to come forward was Thor.
You were basically hunched and held an arm around Happy before Thor took an arm around you to hold you up. âWoah lady Y/N, what happened to you?â He asked chuckling.
You giggled and looked up at him with a sleepy look, âI got my teeths fixed.â Your voice still muffled, but understandable enough.
âShe got her wisdom teeth removed and forged Tonyâs signature before they did the surgery so that she could take herself home. Obviously she couldnât do that,â Suddenly his phone rang again, âLook after her, this house is too expensive for anything to break again.â With that Happy entered the elevator and left.
âWhere is everyone?â You ask while Thor walks you over to the couch. Much of your current features mimicked a sensitive childâs. He found amusement in this.
âWell, they left. Iâm not quite sure where to but everyone is doing their own duties.â You plop down on the couch and smirk almost chuckling again.
âWhy are you here? Jane is looking for you.â You rambled. Of course you didnât know for sure but you wouldnât doubt it.
âIâm actually going with her to help with some of her experiments.â Thor boomed happily.
âYou mean a date?â You cooed and booped his nose with your lazy index finger.
âPerhaps, excuse me lady y/n.â He stood up as you swayed from left to right almost as if you were dancing to the song stuck in your head. The medication definitely had an affect on everyone and you were not aware it would effect you in such a way. Chances were you wouldnât remember anything anyways.
Thor had made his way to the library in which a very focused Loki had been sitting near a large window. He cleared his throat to get his brotherâs attention. Loki snapped his gaze away from the book and up at Thor. âWhat is it?â He questioned.
âY/N went to one of the midgardian doctors for the pain in her mouth. They gave her something and now sheâs still recovering, I need you to look after her.â The words fumbled out of his mouth almost like a question.
The thought of keeping you company hadnât bothered him, but the idea of babysitting wasnât on his list of things he enjoyed doing.
âAnd what of you brother? Youâre the hero after all.â He mocked.
âI need to accompany Jane in..some experiment.â Loki arched an eyebrow knowing this had to be some kind of lie. Loki was always the the better fibber. âPlease, itâs only for a little while. Iâm pretty sure sheâs falling asleep soon.â
Loki shut his book harshly and carried it off the couch he had been residing on. Thor knew this was his agreement and he smiled before lifting up two thumbs and leaving the tower. You seen Thor exit and then your eyes wandered until they met Lokiâs.
He couldnât help but smirk a bit at the ground seeing how your cheeks looked like a squirrelâs. âHi Loki.â You murmured.
âY/N.â He stayed back before looking at you as if he was studying you somehow. You only giggled a bit. âWhat?â
âI just think youâre funny.â
âLove, I am many things. Funny is not one of them.â
âHm,â you chuckled, âwhatever you say.â Loki had always been fond of you, and you of him. Making him feel comfortable was something you enjoyed doing because being in good favor of him was something you found yourself wanting. You treated him like everyone else and on some occasions even better.
It never occurred to Loki that any midgardian would be attracted to him, so the idea of you and him together was something he always pushed out of his thoughts immediately every time they resurfaced.
You had gotten comfortable and laid your head on one of the pillows. Loki had been on the other side of the couch reading from the book that he was reading previously.
Ten minutes of silence passed. You had been doing a little of everything to keep yourself distracted. You even took a few non flattering selfies while exposing your blood soaked cotton balls. You had been throwing a random smaller pillow into the air and catching it over and over again. A few times it had fallen on your face. While being completely distracted by this small task, your body followed the pillow and you fell from the couch and onto your stomach with a hard thud.
Loki set his book down quickly and grabbed your arm, âGet up, you need to relax y/n.â You groan and giggle up at him as he boasts you back onto the couch.
âYouâre a good friend Loki.â You mumbled and smirk at him. Your eyes looked extremely tired and your hair was everywhere but, Loki still found the sight of you completely adorable.
âFar from it dear.â He said going back to his position on the couch.
You crawl from your spot and lay your head on his thigh. He flinches and looks down at your smiling face. He wasnât used to any kind of contact, let alone with you.
âWhat is it you are doing?â He questioned.
âIâm just looking at you, you have a nice...face.â He blinked a few times setting the book to the side.
âA nice face?â He chuckled.
âYeah, itâs so...pretty. You know I tell Natasha allll the time how pretty you are. She thinks Iâm crazy.â You begin laughing and hold your stomach to steady yourself. Hearing your exhausted confession, Loki needed to hear more. He boasted on in questioning.
âWhy?â He asks.
âBecause people think youâre a bad guyâbut youâre not a bad guy Wowkie,â you run your fingers under his jaw and pull away, âI mean everyone thinks Thor is the strong pretty man,â you chuckle and squeeze his bicep, âbut I think youâre the hotter brother.â You wink horribly at him. The you that had not been medicated wouldâve been mortified to ever say these things to Loki, let alone touch him. He chuckles a bit and grabs your hand softly returning it to its original position.
âAre these your own thoughts?â His own smile evident.
âYes, I can prove it.â You quickly sit up becoming a bit dizzy.
âY/N no I donât thinkââ
âShhh.â You put your finger on his lips to quiet him. You stride towards a tall lamp and stumble a bit. You twirl yourself extremely slow around it.
âSee this is meâIâm me,â You point at yourself, âand this is you because youâre taaaaall.â You point at the lamp and begin touching the top of the shade. âSoft hair.â You begin giggling and take a step back before falling backwards, taking the lamp down with you. A crash of the lightbulb echoed throughout the room as Loki gasped.
âOuch, Yeah, no y/n.â He knelt down next to you and picked you up into his arms bridal style. Your cheeks turn a bright red before smirking up at him. Your eyelids hang heavy before your hand is in his hair.
âItâs so soft.â
âYouâre really not yourself are you?â He asked before walking you over to your room. He laid you down in your bed and pulled the thick covers over you. He removed your shoes for you as you giggled due to it tickling a bit.
âThank you.â You snuggled deeper into your bed. âLay down.â You tell him.
Loki laughs lightly again, âI canât do that,â he sat at the corner of your bed, âsleep darling.â
You had fallen into a deep sleep. Loki had sat on the bed looking at your resting stature for a little bit. Those same thoughts had come back into his mind about you. This brought a smile upon his lips. Maybe there was a chance for him after all.
Hours later you woke up and rubbed your head. You felt like hell and were in dire need of water.
You walked out of your room and back into the living room to where the other avengers now resided.
No one acknowledged your presence since they knew you were still recovering. That was until you entered the kitchen and seen Loki grabbing a water bottle from the fridge.
âHey,â you mumbled and Loki stood there smirking at you, âis there something you need?â You asked. You didnât have a single clue as to why he was paying attention to you. You hadnât remembered anything at the moment.
âNot at all love,â He chuckled and nuzzled the top of your head and mocked you, âso soft.â Your eyes widened as you began to remember a small snippet due to his words.
âDid I?...â
âIf you found me so ravishing, you should have stated your true feelings before my little minx.â Your face was beat red and now a flustered mess.
âI uh...water. Iâm drinking it now.â You drank some water and turned quickly speed walking back into your room as Loki stood there. Everyone else had questioning looks on their face. Meanwhile Loki stood there smirking with his head held high.
#loki#loki odinson#loki laufeyson#loki x y/n#loki x oc#loki x reader#loki x you#tomhiddleston x reader#tom hiddleston#tom hiddleston x you#thor#thor ragnarok#avengers infinity war#bucky x reader#steve rogers#hulk#tony stark#avengers fanfiction#bucky barnes
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Sassafrass Chapter Two: Part Deux
Bucky put his hands up in mock surrender. "Honestly that's it. And thank you for wanting to protect my virtue from such an....unsavory woman." He genuinely laughed and you felt a victory at the sweet sound. You turned around but remained between his knees but now facing the bar. You looked back at him. "Who said you're safe from me Sergeant Barnes?"
You felt him lean in and his breath was on your ear. "Keep calling me Sergeant, and you'll find out how successful that serum truly was."
Your breath hitched as he laughed and leaned back in his chair with your ass on full display snuggled right between his thighs.
Check fucking mate.
As the plane landed, your body was in a damn tizzy. That's right a damn tizzy, and you were sure that if you were a trained warrior princess, you would be in a puddle on the floor. Wanda even tried to calm your frenzied thoughts to which you told to get her red witch way out of your head before your tit punched her. Nat always hated when she was left out of your mind conversations to which Wanda replied she hadn't yet learned to three-way telepathy yet. When she learned to group chat via mind telepathy that shit was going to get real.
On the way to the luxurious car that Tony had waiting slut bags was hanging all over Bucky. To Natâs amusement, you decided to send a gust of wind her way letting it send her dress straight up and over her head. She quickly dropped her hands from Bucky and lowered her skirt. Her hair wasn't as easily fixed and that was an utter fucking delight. The flock of seagulls hairstyle was not doing her any favors and Sam was having a hay day.
Once everyone was situated in the vehicle, you found yourself next to Stark and as much as you loved the heart that Tony had, his ever-present hard on that quite literally was pressing against you was the most aggravating thing in the world. Ever since he and Pepper were more off than on, he was in full ass mode. "Tony, seriously? How much Viagra do you take? I can feel your mini iron man poking me." Steve chuckled next to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky stop talking to Sam's future roommate and enemy of the state. Tony smirked deviously. "What I can't help it. You turn me into a spring chicken. Plus I'm younger than Gramps and Toy soldier over there."
"Yea, well your lil toy soldier is grossing the fuck outta me right now." You laughed and scurried onto Caps lap and wrapped your arms around his shoulders and settled in. Steve blushed but just wrapped his arms around you. Now you're not going to deny that Steve was handsome as all hell. Anyone would say he was chiseled from marble by Michelangelo himself. He is so sweet that you could get a damn toothache just talking to his stupid smedium shirt wearing ass. He's just no your type. He was more of the I can flirt with you all day and snuggle with your best friend, but that's all. You did appreciate how he could be all Captain mode one minute and then go all shy asking about how he's supposed to please a woman talk. Yes, that totally happened. You were close, flirted and talked about shit from one spectrum to the other but knew that it would never happen. Luckily, you knew that the feeling was mutual. He liked the closeness and being able to not be judged for not being on point all the time and being perfect, but romance was not in the cards for you two. So while he blushed at the closeness of your ass on his cock, he wasn't offended or getting the wrong signal. He was getting a laugh at Bucky's face though. Which he shrugged and smiled, gaining your attention. Another one of Steve's quirks was loving to get under Bucky's skin, call it brotherly love.
"What are you doing Rogers?" He quirked his eyebrow and smirked cunningly. "Oh, nothing doll. Buck's just jealous." You couldn't help but smile. "Please, I told you. He doesn't like me. The man is a hot mess." Steve shook his head. "Again, I hate that phrase. It confuses the hell outta me doll. Hot mess?" You laugh while the car hit a bump and you grabbed his shoulder tightly. "It's not literal you idgit. Also, I told you to download Urban Dictionary you star spangled dumbass." His laugh boomed through the vehicle, and he leaned in. "Either way this a perfect chance to make him jealous. Lean in and whisper something and I'll groan or something."
You smirk at how evil the purest of pure was behaving and for a moment you felt mama bear proud. This must've been how Wade felt every time you told him to 'Fuck off' or 'Suck my dick fucking cock gobbler.' You laughed to yourself but then leaned and to his ear and contained a moan at how delicious the man smelled. "Have I finally brought you to the dark side, Captain? You're being positively naughty." Â To earn a legitimate moan you but his earlobe and he growled. You pulled away trying to hide your glee at his earnest reaction. It was his turn to lean in, and you took a chance to look at Bucky. He had his mask on and it was unreadable. Dammit to hell! You were never going to catch a break with this mountain of man and metal.
"Y/N did you see his reaction? You have him eating outta the palm of your hand." Steve murmured against your neck. You looked him in his baby blues and felt his head for a fever dramatically. He was momentarily confused.
"Have you been huffing paint fumes Steven Grant Roger's? That man is nothing of the sort." He stared at you a second. "Are you fuckin' kiddin me Y/L/N." You mocked grabbed your chest in horror at his language and he chuckled. Â "Well I am a fuckin' lady you cock jockey, and I have never been spoken to in such a way."
Once again his laugh took over the vehicle while he made no apologies and he grabbed your thigh since his left boob was currently blocked by your body. "Why is it so hard for you to take my word. He likes you. A lot." You kissed his cheek for everyone's viewing pleasure then continued your conversation. Wanting to keep it PG of course.
"Let me count the ways. Leaving out the sexy exchange Bucktown let loose on the plane that I had to change my panties for. He runs cold with me allll the time. Barely says words in my presence normally glares in my direction. See exhibit A at your 2 o'clock. And generally acts like I'm the bane of  his existence." Steve nods and ruminates.
"First, I'm pleased to know you even wear underwear. I pegged you for a commando girl myself. Second, fair enough. Now what I see is he chose the room closest to you when we relocated to the compound. He always sits closest to you during movie night..and really any opportunity comes to think of it. Right now he's white-knuckling it so hard I think he's going to break the car. The last agent that hit on you he broke his arm in training. Shall I continue?"
You released the breath that you didn't know you were holding. "Okay then Cap, what do I do?" Steve smiled and ran his hand up and down your thigh. "Pfft. He won't willingly talk about his feelings. We both know that. So you'll have to break him. Tease the shit out of him with little touches until he caves. He hasn't been willingly touched in years and he's so touch starved it'll be exactly what he needs." Â Both of your faces mirrored each other. Pure heartbreak. "He needs you. He just doesn't know it yet. And you and I already know you need him so don't even lie to me. I know you better than you know yourself you little shit." You instantly glared but then smiled. "Shut the Fuck up Roger's, or I'll dick punch you, and you'll be down for the count for Sharon." He gasped then narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't." You shrugged and smiled.
At the house, Tony told everyone where their room was at. You and Bucky had a room at the end that overlooked the ocean and pool and had a balcony. "Holy shit Bucknasty look at this!" You walked out on the balcony and leaned on the railing. He came out and leaned on the door frame looking out at you and the view beyond.
" Yea. It's damn near majestic." He said in a flat tone, but it made you smile and face him. "What's this? The infamous Winter Fucking Soldier has a sense of humor? Alert the media." He lowered his head causing his chestnut hair fell forward covering his face. "Not as funny and charming as some but I have my rare  moments." You could tell he was shy and out of his element, so you decided to take Stevie boys advice.
You pushed off the balcony and touched his metal arm, instantly he tensed. "Don't be so hard on yourself Bucky. I think your plenty charming when you want to be." You could hear the metal arm whirring and clicking underneath your touch and damnit if it wasn't the sexiest thing you've heard. You knew that he hated that arm with the passion of a thousand suns, but it intrigued you. Many a night you had spent dreaming of what that arm could do. Hell, you and Wanda once spent an entire hour talking about the mechanics of that arm and if he could make it vibrate. Albeit you both were drunk, but still.
You decided to get into your bikini otherwise you were going to have to start fanning yourself in front of Bucky at any moment. It was a navy blue retro style that you and Wanda had picked out a few weeks ago and secretly was hoping Bucky would like. It reminded you of a pinup girl, and the color matched his jacket from the war. As you looked in the bathroom mirror, you knew Steve was right. You needed him, and you were, in fact, the hot mess which at the moment has ten rampant squirrels running wild in your stomach. You walked out pretending to be calm and stopped when you saw him standing there in his swim trunks fastening the tie, shirtless. Usually he would always wear a rashguard at the compound. He looked up at you and just stared, open-mouthed.
"Hey. Eyes up here soldier." You pointed your fingers from your breasts to your eyes, and he blushed. "Sorry. I -I just. Â You look nice in that suit. It reminds me of dames back in my day. Not the slutty shit you see everyone else wear." You internally high fived yourself for the excellent choice.
Check fucking mate!
You grabbed your iPod and sunglasses and went to walk past Bucky and saw him grab for his shirt and immediately stopped. Not today! "Absolutely not James Buchanan Barnes!" He jumped from your scolding while you snatched the soft shirt out of his hands and held it behind your back.
"Cmon Y/N. Give it back. I'm not going out there without it." You took a step to face him and took a moment to really look at him. Gone was the confident soldier on missions. Gone was the confident man on the plane. He was in there....somewhere. Steve was right. Bucky needed you. You had to bring him out. You had to bring the little bit of James Buchanan Barnes that was still hiding in there begging for release. He needed to meld with the new Bucky.
"Why?" With a soft but firm voice you asked and looked him in the eyes, and you could see his fear of rejection and anger towards the question. "You know damn well why!" He tried to snatch it away but you were able to dodge his hand and quick reflexes. "Tell me, James." He stilled at the use of his real name and bit his lip. You had him. You loved his name and how it sounded coming from your lips. The ways his eyes darkened and the instant reaction that you gained from it. His head dropped as though he was ashamed. "The scar is hideous and I- I'm hideous. I don't want them staring at me." He continued to look down.
His words hurt you and the thought of anyone judging him pissed you off. "Who will judge you? We are family and family love each other, James. I love Wade and he looks like a shriveled up foreskin with teeth. No one cares about your scar. It's apart of you. Who cares about Blondie. If you like her that much. Take the damn shirt. But if she hurts you I will fuck her shit up. As for me. I think you are absolutely beautiful. A masterpiece." He scoffed but it didn't stop you instead it added to your anger and you walked towards him and he walked back until his legs hit the bed. A gush of wind came around you and swirled through the room and kicked up his hair and yours.
"No, you listen to me. You are no less handsome than Steve or Thor. You're just different. You're more perfect because of your imperfections. You're just too much of a douche nozzle to see that. So wear your fucking shirt. Go find big tit Blondie. I'm sure she ripe for the picking. But the only thing that makes you any less attractive to most women is your lack of confidence. Own your body."
You stormed out of the room, and the burst of wind dropped Bucky on the bed, breathless. Wanda and Nat rounded the corner to find a rather flustered air bender storming down the hall. "Oh no. Trouble in paradise?" You shrugged and continued to walk it off. How could someone so perfect be so utterly clueless? Â "Honestly. I don't even know what the hell just happened. He just infuriated the shit out of me. One minute I think I'm getting somewhere and the next I don't know. I don't know if he likes me or if it's in my head. I don't know if he likes the blonde bimbo. For fuck's sake. I'm in high school again."
Out of nowhere Clint came up behind Nat and picked her up. "Someone say high school? If that's the case, we should be drinking by now!" You wrapped your arms around Wanda, and she held on with her hand. "Please tell me they are hooking up by now. " She shook her head and giggled.
"Not yet but I got a hundred that it will happen by Sunday." You laughed at the thought of Clint finally getting laid and Nat rocking his world. " Oh, dear girl. My money is on tonight." You two shook on it. "My darling little witch?" She frowned at you already knowing what you were going to ask of her. "No." You sat at the bar and dramatically pouted while she sighed next to you.
"The truth is.... I can't. The one time I did try to go in...it was exceptionally hard. I thought I could help him. There are so so many dark places in his mind. He feels so lost and has so much hatred placed on Winter Soldier that it's problematic for him to separate that because it so compartmentalized. I know that he cares for you. But I don't know in what capacity. I'm sorry." She was silent for a moment and then continued. "I can't just feel it when only you are together. He has it when he is with Steve too and but no one else. At least not at that intensity. He's connected to you. It could be because he feels like you are the only other friend he truly has here or he that he has other feelings. I just. .. I don't know." She was so focused and lost in thought that you had to touch her hand to bring her back.
"Love you witchy witch. Thank you. I needed that. So now I know he would at least save me from a burning building. That's something and the ego boost I need." She smiled and leaned into your shoulder. "One day you will have to have a serious conversation with him."
You took a shot of tequila. "Serious conversation? Highly overrated my dearest."
I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! Please message me or post on my page if you want a forever tag or a series tag. Strikethroughs did not work sadly. Love to all!!
Sassafrass @queenoftails @not-mad-just-disappointed @fedora98 @lordemjay @frozenhuntress67 @justmesadgirl @slytherin-in-hufflepuff-robes @roulu @just-a-littlebit-of-everything
Forever Tags @mscaptainjones @ssweet-empowerment @shynara51 @loislp @dragonselene @frozenhuntress67
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fuckit im doing my own stadamdrew headcanons
she long n nsfw so she going under the cutÂ
ok so,
warnings b4 i go -bottom/sub adum top/andwew n stewen being heckin supportive
- adam and andrew fuck first. (lesbihonestâŚ. theyve fucked.) - Adamâs never been w a guy before and he nearly had a panic attack as andrew kisses down his chest so they gotta put on the brakes - (andrews already laying between his legs and his breath is ghosting over adams groin when he mutters âwanna slow down?â but o jesus no adam does not he just canât really breathe when drew looks at him like that) - adams eyes r bigger than ever and srsly theyâre gonna fall out if he doesnât relax so andrew grabs his hand and puts it on his head - he pushes at adams fingers until he grips into drewâs hair and drew looks up and says âyouâre in controlâ - andrew goes down on him and adams tight grip on his locks turns soft and petting within seconds - he pants so prettily and guilds andrews head just how he likes it and andrew sticks his tongue out so nicely as adam cries and cums onto it and cries some more - when theyâre back at the same eye level he offers but drew shakes him off since he can barely move. instead adam sinks his hands into drewâs hair again and apologizes a hundred times over for dumb things until drew smacks him away and turns him over and forces him to spoon w him
- andrew n steven r next. ovi. - theyâre in a hotel room, buzzed and full of whatever theyâve been binging on lately, and itâs just a mess - theyâre giggling like kids cuz theyâre trying to mess around but andrews still got one shoe on and itâs really funny for some reason - steven nearly falls over trying to get outta his tight pants and andrew has to grab at him and theyâre both laughing messes - once theyâre finally laying down half naked andrew has to pine stevens face between his hands to get him to stop laughing and focus on kissing him and steven just melts into goo between his hands, reaching up to grip them and hold them and tangle theyâre fingers together - they donât wanna go all the way just yet but andrew keeps sticking fingers in stevens mouth n itâs really hot and steven has to say âu betta stop unless u gonna put those somewhereâ - âŚ. he puts them somewhere - stevens hand is pressing their cocks together and andrews hands are fumbling downstairs and steven canât even think let alone see straight - andrew comes first bc steven writhing and twisting on his fingers is really hot and he looks down to see theyâre cocks in his little hand and he just tucks his face into his shoulder and looses it - it wouldnât take much more but a lil bit of sweet talk speeds it up hella - âdo you need more? you want another? câmon sweetheart câmon honey cum for me steven câmon babyâ - yup! thatâll do it!
- then theyâre in a hotel room. vegas maybe?? itâs just the three of them so they just got one double queen room for the night (since theyâre blowing hundreds of dollars on food) - steven and adam are pretty much drunk, stevens dumbly hanging off his shoulder as they walk from the elevator to their room - andrew isnât like drunk but heâs feeling goodâ˘ď¸ yah know - adam and steven collapse on the one bed and stevens obviously cuddling all up in his aaarea. - andrew is giggly and is like /hey,, lemme get in on that,,,/ - and steven literally screams as he pulls andrew on top of them and now theyâre just wrestling - they land w andrew tucked sideways into adams chest & under adams arm and steven on top of both of them w his arms wide over them mumbling about his boys, his pals, his boys - adam and andrew make awkward eye conact but adam just smiles and presses his nose into his hair - stevens face is already against adams collarbone and heâs like âŚ. âwould it be weird if i gave u a hickey rnâ - andrews like⌠yes (cuz he doesnât know⌠yah know⌠heâs trying to be protecting both his boys) but adam just laughs and is like âgo for it manâ - andrew like looses his shit like, legs flailing laughing - but he calms rIGHT the FUCK down when steven actually does itâŚâŚâŚ. - steven laughs and is like âis weird w the beardâŚâ but he must find a spot he likes cuz heâs like, kissing up adams neck like right in front of andrew - and adam is still giggly but heâs got a soft hand petting over stevens hair as he marks him up and yah uh andrewâs kiiiinda hard
- it takes them a second to realize whatâs going on (âhaving fun there steven??â) but uhhhhh - so andrew kisses adam and then playfully licks at steven and they kinda know whatâs going on - (lucky adams a little drunk (still able to fully consent ok this is allll fine) because if he was fully sober and had t w o boys on him he would probably be crying) - and steven playfully kisses andrew and theyâre both kinda laying on adam and andrew (stupidly) goes âyah uhh iâve had sex w both of u xD xD!!!â - and steven and adam make weird eye contact and then steven just like, hits andrew in the shoulder and goes âwhy did u get to have sex w adam first??!!â - âdude he came onto me!!!â - âtotally not fairâ - âyou can have ur turn!!!â - and then shit goes kinda quiet, aaaaaand steven starts pushing at adams shirt until it comes off somehow and now adam and steven are rolling around licking and nipping at each others chests and honestly the zipper in these jeans AINT gonna make it if andrew donât do something - adams laughing and holding stevens head at a safe distance to keep him from attacking his chest and muttering something about how heâs sooo cute and whatever - andrew interrupts by trying to kiss adam, and when he gets a good angle adam like melts back into the bed with steven falling between them so andrew, a problem solver, crawls on top of adam to kiss him until heâs jelly - âr weâŚ. r we doing this?â says steven from his spot on the bed - andrew breaks apart to giggle. âiâm in.â - adam is literally starry eyed. like heâs got one arm hooked under steven holding him close and one hand on andrews thigh - steven is staring at him and oh jeez donât embarrass ur self bianchi - *shifty eyesâŚ* ââŚcan i bottom?â - ok and andrew literally goes into cardiac arrest like (the hc can end here if youâd like. adam just just killed andrew gn!) - steven smiles like the damn sun and is like âyes bitch ask for what u want!! respect!!â (but no really he just like makes out w him for a second while andrew is literally still dying in the background) - drewâs got a hand around his zipper signifying that he plans to top adam (hooolllyyy sh#t) - âsteven?â asks cuz he doesnât really know how to do this w three people - steven sees that heâs literally one second away from already fuckimg adam and heâs like âyes. do it.â - and now theyâre naked - and someone for some reason brought supplies and steven is kissing adam and adams jerking him off and andrew is stretching adam and it sounds like a mess looks like a mess but feels fucking incredible because thereâs like⌠trust and love and gentle gentle hands and everyone is feeling good - steven gets close to adams head (adams on his back, andrew on his knees between his legs) petting thru his hair and holding andrews hand and lives vicariously thru BOTH of them as andrew sliiides home - adam maybe cries - (its bc steven is kissing him and andrew is holding him and theyâre smiling at eachother and /his boys his boys his boys/) - andrew pets back his hair and shushes him and presses his mouth to his forehead and his mouth and his throat and adam tries to keep breathing - steven is ⌠the worst bc heâs so into this (itâs like⌠porn right in front of u⌠and itâs real and emotional and he can touch them oh my god) and heâs like âcâmon drew, give it to him, câmon he needs itâ - adam canât even understand what heâs saying but he agrees! - âcâmon drew, give our boy what he wants cmonâ and jfc andrew is gonna blow if he doesnât shut him up so he grabs him and kisses him good and holds him and feels him up cuz he can!!! - he wraps a hand around stevens cock and lays him down beside adam. he thrusts into adam as he jerks up and pulls out as he jerks down and adam is right in his ear panting and crying âohhhmhgoddstehhhsteven o oh m my g g ooooahhâ w every thrust and ok! thatâs it for mr lim cheque please! - heâs hold onto andrews arm as he cums and crying into adams neck and holy shit - andrew gives him a sweet kiss before turning back to adam and adam can feel his intentions in the swell of his cock and ok! heâs ready - âcâmon drew. fuck me.â ⌠n u donât gotta tell him twice ok - the next like two minutes is adam holding andrew around the shoulders and grabbing his back and completely blissed out. andrew n steven are saying something and he thinks heâs saying something ? but he really canât hear over the blood in his ears - steven catching his breath, but heâs reached down and is gently jerking adam off since he prob canât cum from cock alone (he prob can) and really just wants his hands on them - andrews whispering âiâm gunna cum oh my godâ - âhows it feelâ steven asks breathily - âoh my god. steven. steven.â - âitâs ok baby we got uâ - and now andrew is sputtering their names and adam is actually just muttering a string of âyesâ and âmoreâ but heâs on totally on a different planet - âiâm gonna comeâ andrewâs muttering âohh my godâ - âoh my god!â adam yells, turning his face into stevens neck âiâm gonna come iâm gonnaâ suddenly out of his sub drop - steven doesnât even know what to say as andrew pulls out and comes on adams hip and adams hand replaces stevens and he comes on his stomach - adams eyes r clear now and heâs like woooooowie cloud 9 but could probably use an inhaler - andrew thinks he could faint right here but instead he pushes his face to where theirs r close and just whispers âjesus christ i love you twoâ and - well thatâs the end of that - (jk they clean up and snuggle and itâs sweet but theyâre covered in marks and theyâve gotta film tomorrrow and NO ONE BROUGHT A TURTLE NECK)
like? Kudos it here :)
#ok OH MY GOD#i hate myself#stadamdrew#stadamdrew fic#standrew#adamdrew#fic#worth it fic#bfwi#its ok y'all i hate myself too
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Oh. Boy.
We are tied together by an invisible rope that no one can see but me.Â
And my cells.Â
It looks like milk and blood and tears and sweat, pouted bottom lips, first smiles, spit up, engorged breasts, dirty laundry and sweet 3:00 am smiles between burps, after switching sides nursing in the low salt lamp light of the nursery. Because after six weeks of never getting more than three hours of connected sleep, these smiles are natureâs way of making sure that I donât abandon my offspring. Which I couldnât regardless because I would feel him cry from 20 miles away.
I have only been away from him for 20 minutes in 6 weeks. Maaaaybe 24. We are tethered together and when he cries, my muscles vibrate and the back of my head floods with blood and alarm and I can not completely relax until he is completely relaxed, because this is motherhood and what I signed up for. Along with the unmatched joy of love, firsts, laughter, chubby armed hugs and sticky kisses. And the unmatched fear of college tuition, physical and mental well being, and trying to decide if it is actually that important to eat completely organic because again, college tuition, and who the heck is trimming their finger nails and when did everyoneâs knuckles turn to sandpaper on the verge of bleeding? Who the heck has been managing their winterized skin because it certainly is not me. Where is their mother!Â
Oh.Â
Wait.
Shit.
Aquaphor to the rescue!Â
I have not written in eons because life keeps happening and it is so hard to justify things that I feel I want, arguably need to do. No need to interrupt with a monologue on self care. I am very aware and I also hate the term âself careâ and there are more important things I should be doing while youâre talking. Like writing. Or laundry. Or crying.Â
Anyways. This past year, 2019, was a year to remember and to never repeat.Â
JANUARY:Â
I booked my first commercial! Oh, btw, for those who donât know, I do commercial modeling now. Before that sounds insanely glamorous and braggadocious, I have to clarify that âCommercial Modelingâ is the type of modeling that you do in the Midwest where basically you are being hired to fit the criteria of a stereotype. There are Allll sorts of people, sizes, colors, etc. signed as commercial models and it has less to do with a person looking like a runway model, and more with a person just looking like, a person. And knowing how to find your light.Â
But itâs been a fun new venture in this chapter of life and I have really enjoyed getting to do something *new*.Â
And get *attention*.Â
And enjoying the *crafts table* on sets.
In January, we also thought that we wanted to expand our family. I then came down with Influenza A the day after a really wonderful couples Mexican night at a friendâs house.Â
I prayed that I didnât infect any other person there.Â
I prayed not to die.
FEBRUARY!
Two weeks later I got the stomach bug followed by Influenza B two weeks after that. My body was trying to quit 2019.Â
I couldnât blame her.
We decided to put child creation on pause until the Fall, as we werenât even sure it was the right decision for our family as we daily debated the pros (Baby! Love! Four part harmony!) And cons. (Money! Time! Laundry! The time and money it will take to do all of that laundry!)
Steve began traveling more than ever this year. And my body forgot how to be a body.Â
End February.
MARCH
The day after my birthday we left for our first ever family vacation. We flew to visit my in-laws in Naples, Florida. We discussed that this trip could be a litmus test for whether or not we should expand our family. A test of *Can we really handle this?*. (hahhahaahhahhahha.) The answer to this question is always, Always, a âNoâ. And if you Can answer âYesâ, youâre naive, because the answer is always âNoâ. But that shouldnât deter you. Mostly.Â
This trip was by far a high-light of the year, and life, really. The boys saw the ocean for the first time. We went on a swamp tour, ate fresh papaya, homemade almond milk, Key Lime pie and picnicked on the beach with pbjs and rosĂŠ. We walked around the lake of the condoâs complex every afternoon feeding birds and fish, and I feel like I relaxed and soaked in life in a way that I had not in recent months.Â
Perhaps years.Â
There is something so healing about being near the ocean.Â
There is something so healing about being away from daily responsibilities.
There is something so healing about watching an alligator eat a giant marshmallow four feet from where your family is sitting on a boat with no railing in the middle of our nationâs finest treasure swamp.
IMPORTANT MOMENT:Â
During our last walk around the lake on our last day, Steve & I were revisiting our initial conversation of *Can we do four?* I said that if I were to look at the past week, assess our lives and deduce all of the information and experiences of traveling and being responsible for these three little men under the age of 6, there is really no good reason for us to expand our family. So we need to come to a firm decision together and I either need to grieve the idea of having four children, which is something, even as a child, I always thought would happen, or we need to confidently decide together that expanding is something we want and we will neither regret nor resent the other person when times get tough.Â
Because times will get tough.
We decide to wait, open-endedly.
Revisit the conversation at home.
Decide in the fall after we probably move this summer.
Just then a lovely Floridian retiree who looked like he was maybe a sports-coach-businessy-man in his younger years, passed us on the walking path on our left. With complete abandon and zero reason to speak to this stranger, let alone ask such a pointed question, I began:
Me: Excuse me sir.
Sporty-Business-Senior-Citizen: (A little confused why I am interrupting his walk) Yes?
Me: (Presuming he even had children) How many children did you have?
SBSC: Four. Four boys.
Steve and I looked at each other.
And cracked up.Â
Nervously. Hilariously. With disbelief. And total abandon.
Steve: Why does God always do that for you?
I think because I ask.
APRIL
No more flus! Although a wonderful lingering cough that sounds like I have smoked everything I could for the past several years wakes up with me every morning and really shines when I try to sing at church. I keep kleenexes in my pocket to accompany the sexy vibe of my death rattle and question if my lungs will ever be *just air* again.Â
Around mid-April I also began to feel really tired. Like, REALLY tired. I would lay in bed with the now-4 year old after reading him his book before nap and wondered if my body was going to be able to get back up.
Huh.
Wait.
Shit.
I know this tired.Â
I peed on a stick. Because I always have extra tests around the house, stashed like a crazy little doomsday pack rat worried about procreation once shit hits the fan. It will be the Waltonâs in their underground luxury bunker, and me in my home, surrounded by a ton of pregnancy tests.Â
Positive.
I peed on four more sticks.
Positive.
X4.
To this day, I truly donât understand how or when this happened because I tracked everything and knew when what was happening and the only explanation was that I ovulated twice or something in March, or early April, or a miracle, or I have no clue. But we were supposed to have four children, like my bones always knew, and God defied science and time and we were pregnant again, after trying, deciding to wait until the fall, not trying, while trying to decide what is the best decision for our family, and boom. I was so relieved and elated that we never had to make a final decision. Bonus baby came, and without giving too much information, although my comfort zone is typically a swimming pool filled to the brim with too much information, for the extremely curious and connoisseurs of poetry, from what I could deduce, bonus baby probably happened on April 1st, or April Foolâs Day.
Why does God always do that for me?
Because there are few things I appreciate more than a sparkling sense of humor.Â
MAY
Shoot a commercial. Boys end school. Begin summer lessons - which I think I love.
JUNE
Decide I hate summer lessons. Our house is too small, too noisy, not good for students, not good for our family, not good for me.Â
Decide we need to sell house.
JULY
House goes on the market. Hemorrhage money to get the house on the market (This was our first experience selling a house - WHICH I NEVER WANT TO DO AGAIN. It is completely absurd how much money it costs to sell a house. You question how you could have even lived in it before all of the updates and repairs. Answer is, easily. I really loved that house and she served us very well.)
Steve travels a ton.Â
We find out the fetus, which my friends nick-named âQuadzelâ is indeed a boy. Which we all knew, didnât we? Kozels are never on time. Kozels love pizza, dance parties, and dogs. Kozels. Make. Boys.Â
4 boys.Â
Four.Â
Boys.Â
Thereâs four of them.Â
HAHAHHAHAHhahahahahAHAHAHAHhaha
Moving on.
Pregnancy, house hunting, home selling, money, work, parenthood, traveling spouse, about does me in. I cry a lot. And sweat a lot because St. Louis summers feel like you are inside of a dragonâs nostril, and I wonder when this chapter will ever end.
Get offer on house.
Buyers walk away.
Cry a whole, whole, whole, bunch.
Question if the water sac that my fetus is growing in is mostly made of cortisol, tears, nourished by potato chips, bananas and sparkling water.
House goes back on market.
Get offer on house.
AUGUST
Close on new house. Pack. Clean. Paint.Â
Three biggest highlights of our summer:Â
1.) Our nanny. She loves our boys and family as if we all share DNA. She is loving, kind, enthusiastic, an unbelievable singer, she laughs easily, cares for my family so deeply, and she puts a cross across my growing belly when she hugs me goodbye. I love this girl as if we share DNA.Â
She is family.
2.) Our painter. He is incredibly smart, wildly funny, appreciates good food, my children, my chaotic inability to have normal emotions and we enjoy a witty banter mixed with shared lunches of hummus and crackers, discussing thoughts on faith, politics and paint tips, with a few Seinfeld and Jimmy Stewart impressions thrown in for good measure.
3.) Our new house. We won the lottery here. It holds us (and more!), and is a ranch (which I always wanted because our next door neighborâs house growing up was a ranch and it felt enormous - it was also enormous - but I loved how much space it felt like there was to walk around. To hide from future children).Â
In this new house there is a place for me to do piano lessons, a swing set (that needs some TLC) and my deal-breaker of finally having a fireplace (there are TWO, which makes us seem waaaay Richy Richer than we are). And my final wish-list item which is a separate mudroom. Itâs divine. And has somehow become the room that I spend the most time in, because this is also where I fold laundry as it doubles as an upstairs space to watch TV since the piano took over the main living room area. This also makes us look high brow and fancy, not having a TV in the main part of the house. But then you realize we just moved the TV into the mudroom, which actually reads very desperate, thus creating a fancy-deficit.
The biggest win of all, however, is our street. There are three other families (two a little older) that have four boys. (WHAT?!) Itâs like there is some cosmic, magnetic pull toward Y chromosomes to the end of this little street in this little neighborhood, and we had no chose but to move in.
And this lovely little street laid with asphalt and testosterone happens to be notorious for trick or treating. Or the night that we send our kids to bed with eyeliner whiskers stained on their faces, drunk off of sugar and an extended bedtime, while we can go downstairs, drink a pumpkin beer and eat their full size Reeseâs Peanut Butter Cups.Â
But there are kids. Lots. It feels like a bottled up moment in time where kids still ride bikes in the streets and a dad that throws a football to his sons on Sunday afternoons while neighborhood kids run from one house to the next - or stay where they can until a parent throws them out.Â
Because you know what is not quiet? 7 year old boys. And eventually they are going to smell terrible. And be somewhat bad influences on each other. But for today, they make dumb jokes and play with Legos and try to impress each other and still cry when their feelings get hurt. I want to bottle up this age because time is limited and those dumb jokes are going to turn dirty, and Legos will be replaced with video games and they wonât cry anymore. Especially when they need to.Â
We celebrated our 11th anniversary. Steve turned 37 the next day.
SEPTEMBER
All. Three. Boys. Are. In. School.
We are moved into the new house and I spend the next three months with free mornings painting, cleaning, unpacking, decorating, painting, cleaning, nesting, laundry, painting, nesting, laundry, eating and I am the most productive that I have been since 2012.
And we lost and found Pocket about a billion times.
OCTOBER
Pocket turns 11 and promises to quit trying to run back to our old house.
Annual lake weekend with our best friends.
Book an industry gig in Chicago for an airline. Turns out âTired, pregnant momâ is marketable?
Eat, Paint, Love.
NOVEMBER
I begin contracting. My due date has changed eight times since our first OB appointment. By the end of November I contract every day and every day I think I am in labor. We skip Thanksgiving at my Aunt & Uncleâs house because we are afraid of going into labor two hours from home.
We donât.Â
But an alternativeThanksgiving in town at our aforementioned friendsâ house ends up being a really special celebration and much needed distraction. Because who doesnât want a 9 month pregnant woman at their Thanksgiving table, going inward while she contracts between bites of pumpkin pies. I use the plural here because in addition to this familyâs gift of being warm and welcoming to us at their Thanksgiving table, they are also notorious for their pie enthusiasm. I had limited time left to eat for two so that day I ate pie for about 9.
Eat, Pray, Contract.
DECEMBER
Part of the gaggle of due dates has to do with the fact Quadzel is measuring large.
After weeks, days and prayers of choosing whether or not to induce, we decided to go ahead and listen to our OBâs advice and do a 39 week induction on December 6th. I had never had an induction date before and for my swan song delivery, I really wanted to go into labor on my own. Screw that. The amount of contractions crescendoing in the three weeks leading up to this induction date sufficed that noble desire. And the exhaustion and impatience from these three weeks made going in the morning of the 6th feel like relief and success.
At 4:41pm, air filled the lungs of our fourth and final boy. My body almost instantaneously felt relief from having him out of me, like a giant fetus sized splinter being removed. Our little 8 lb.12 oz. spud settled down almost instantly in my arms.Â
Kepler R. Lumen Kozel looked like his brothers, but mostly like himself.
Our family was complete.
The following weeks were mixed with stomach bugs, snow days and Christmas, all jumbled up in every order, and we were trying to adjust to a family of six.Â
And I donât think we lost Pocket once.
In one light, my year reads quite magically. New house. New baby. New gigs. New chapters.
Healthy. Happy. Home.
In a different light, I look back and see a mother and wife who was balancing on thinning ice while watching a river of stress and anxiety rush beneath her feet. Viruses, decisions, hormones, pregnancy, stress, raising three boys, working from home, traveling husband, selling a house, buying a house, money stress, time stress, gosh damn inspection failure stress and throw in aggressively paying off credit cards, living as cheaply as possible for months, a few really painful conversations with people very important to me, and trying to be a good piano teacher, friend, sister and daughter. It was too much. I cried a lot in 2019.
And if I could change one thing, I actually wouldnât change that stress. Or even getting the flu(s) or having buyers back down on our house.Â
I would like to change my response.
I would like to acknowledge, without shame, the fear and anxiety that bubbles, boils and swirls inside of me. And I would instead take back the wheel from these emotions and after a good hug and a few deep breaths. I would exhale and faithfully consider that my life is not going to catastrophically implode, the stress is temporary, and I donât have to live in a place where there is a pedal tone of fear vibrating underneath my hours.Â
(I also have an internal struggle where I realize that all of these challenges are very privileged problems. I am lucky to have these stressors because I was born a white heterosexual woman in a family in a certain socio-economic level, in America. There are still issues within those parameters, but I feel a bit squeaky or tone deaf if I donât at least acknowledge that I know there are so many, many people out there that wished they had my problems to deal with. But then this goes into my thought process of just how one personâs beauty does not negate another personâs beauty. One personâs suffering doesnât negate another personâs suffering. We can call just listen to one another with compassion and empathy and respond with âWow, Iâm really sorry youâre hurtingâ. Or, âThat seems like a lot on your plate. I am sorry you are struggling, I would too.â Or for me personally, âWhat coffee or champagne can I bring you?â)
I donât know when I will learn to live in a place where I donât react at 100 and feel my throat tighten and the muscles at the base of my neck feel like if they can contribute and hold my skeleton together, then I have more control.
Because I donât.
And for the most part, things work out whether or not my throat and neck help.Â
I could have just gone through last year more relaxed and faithful and end up exactly where I am. Which is a pretty great place. Minus the extra stress and worry. (smerky smerk)
But that feels completely unrealistic, and not even authentic to who I am.Â
But I can work on authentically and empathetically giving myself space to acknowledge these stressors, and then to breathe. Deeply. Wholly. Holy.
Fear and anxiety will never fully go away, but I can at least relieve them from their driving privileges and promote myself from sitting shotgun in my own shit show.
This past year has also taught me three very valuable lessons:
I will forever be getting a flu shot for the rest of my life.
I truly donât plan on moving again, for the rest of my life.
If we do end up moving, it will be because we have entirely too much money to fit inside of this house and we will hire people to do every last aspect of moving, from packing things into boxes, to getting a stupid fence up to code, and filling in every nail hole and repainting our walls to make it look like we never lived here. And there are tons. Because Iâm a nail three times, then measure kind of girl.Â
Which is probably one of my most annoying charms. Â
Along with hearing from God.
And gestating enormous boys.
(Let it be known, it took actually 10 gosh damn days to write this stupid thing. There is never a complete window of time to do anything. Kepler naps about 36 seconds at a time before spitting up and shitting himself and then I soothe him back asleep. And I am tired of hearing every single personâs opinion on the Super Bowl. It happened. I nurse every two to three hours around the clock right now and I internet better than anyone. I am tired of reading about this. Letâs get back to pictures to unconsciously, subconsciously (did you like that?) make everyone jealous, posting funny animal videos and acting like we are all experts on politics. K? K! xo, KK)
My computer isnât wanting to compute well right now and this seems to be the only photo I can upload from My Photos. Which is weird and wonderful as these are our dear friends who we couldnât be luckier to do life with. Annual lake weekends and Thanksgivings with them. They have amazing taste in food, music, and style. Our senses of humor and interests seem to braid together effortlessly, and they are my favorite people to share a bottle of wine, Mikeâs Hot Honey, or 1000 pies with.
Here is Kepler. King of calories. Poops hourly. And now smiles like a pumpkin.
These are photos from his first 24 hours, when the boys came to meet him for the first time. I cherish these photos more than most earthly possessions and we paid for them and I am getting ever pennyâs worth so here are some faves.
And you should check out Crystal Bucky because she is such an amazing photographer.Â
And here he is yesterday. Wearing a 6 month outfit in his eighth week of life. What a hoss. I love him.
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21.
1. When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? usually more milk than cereal
2. Do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a winter day? i love it!!! i canât wait for that feeling, honestly
3. What random objects do you use to bookmark your books? like receipts, sometimes napkins or toilet paper, or usually whatever is near me when i need a bookmark
4. How do you take your coffee/tea? i have a lil sugar and some milk in my coffee, and a lot of sugar and sometimes honey in my tea
5. Are you self-conscious of your smile? not at all
6. Do you keep plants? i donât have any plants inside my home. we used to have a tomato plant outside but it never grew back
7. Do you name your plants? -
8. What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? occasionally i draw and when i do i use permanent marker
9. Do you like singing/humming to yourself? sure, i donât usually mean to hum but i sing to myself allll the time
10. Do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? itâs a mixture between my stomach and my side
11. Whatâs your inner joke you have with your friends? ummm, i have so many itâs hard to think of one right now though.
12. Whatâs your favourite planet? i think jupiter is incredibly fascinating
13. Whatâs something that made you smile today? seeing my sister graduate from retraining
14. If you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? iâd like a really nice apartment. nothing too big or too small. i want a large kitchen though, where thereâs enough space for all of my stuff and so me and jack could coook together in a nice space. i want the bathroom to have a tub/shower combo so we can take baths and showers together. i donât really care how big the bedroom is, but i want a walk in closet bc i have a lot of shit. then i want the living room area to be big enough so we can both have our desks and computers in there, and our 2 couches that we already have.
15. Go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! âNeutron stars can spin at a rate of 600 rotations per second.â
16. Whatâs your favourite pasta dish? oh golly. i love pasta salad. iâm very picky on it though
17. What colour do you really want to dye your hair? purple
18. Tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. omg so one time i made videos on facebook for my friends when i was really young. i made a video about stupid shit like unicorns and sex and my friends tagged me in it every single year to remind me about it until i eventually deleted it and now they found another one of those videos and they still bug me about it allll the time,
19. Do you keep a journal? What do you write/draw in it? yes, but i donât write in it nearly as much as i used to
20. Whatâs your favourite eye colour? i donât have one
21. Talk about your favourite bag, the one thatâs been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. well, my mother got me this really nice tote for christmas either last year or the year before and it is pink and grey striped and it says âpunkyâ on it, which is my nickname. i take it to work with me every day and i just love it to pieces... but it really needs to be washed lol.
22. Are you a morning person? absolutely not
23. Whatâs your favourite thing to do on lazy days where you have no obligations? i like to lay down and either watch a show or read
24. Is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? my boyfriend.
25. Whatâs the weirdest place youâve ever broken into? iâve broken into my own house before... actually, a few times
26. What are the shoes youâve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i had a pair of moccasins that i wore with EVERYTHING but i just recently got rid of them because they were pretty nasty and worn down
27. Whatâs your favourite bubblegum flavour? anything fruity
28. Sunrise or sunset? sunset.
29. Whatâs something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i love when jack talks about computer stuff, he loves it to much and it just makes me happy and kind of turns me on sometimes..
30. Think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yeah
31. What is your opinion of socks? Do you like wearing weird socks? Do you sleep with socks? Do you confine yourself to white sock hell? Really, just talk about socks. yeah, i love socks almost as much as i love shoes. i never wear socks to bed because it makes me feel hot. i do have white socks but theyâre no show socks so nobody sees them anyways. the weird thing is, i always have to buy new socks because i forget to cut my toenails and then they become talons and they cut through the fabric of my socks and then i have holes in my socks and i have to throw them away... lol. it sucks
32. Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with your friends. oh god. my friends and i used to party a lot after we graduated high school. iâve definitely almost lost my virginity at one of those parties. i also kind of threw myself at anyone there. like, by the end of the night i had ended up kissing almost everyone at the party. it was kind of pathetic and i;m very glad that iâm passed that.
33. Whatâs your favourite pastry? i donât think i have one
34. Tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. What is it called? What does it look like? Do you still keep it? i never had a stuffed animal as a child. i had a baby blankie that i just recently converted into a pillow case
35. Do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? Do you use them often? nahh
36. Which bandâs sound would fit your mood right now? i dunno, something mellow and relaxing
37. Do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean
38. Tell us about your pet peeves! i have so many, man. like, i had when i can hear people chewing on their food, when i am trying to sleep i need the room in complete silence and when someone (my cat or if iâm sleeping in the same room as someone else) makes noise it really pisses me off
39. What colour do you wear the most? black.
40. Think of a piece of jewellery you own: whatâs its story? Does it have any meaning to you? i donât wear a lot of jewelry to be honest.
41. Whatâs the last book you remember really, really loving? i just finished the illuminae books and they were terrific!
42. Do you have a favourite coffee shop? Describe it! i like the broken tree thatâs a couple minutes driving distance from my house
43. Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? jack probably
44. When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? right now
45. Do you trust your instincts a lot? i try to
46. Tell us the worst pun you can think of. i am so not good with puns guys
47. What food do you think should be banned from the universe? beets.
48. What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today? oh god, i had a fear that something was going to come out of the toilet while i was sitting on it and eat me or drag me in or something. and then after i watched the movie mirrors, i was terrified to look into any reflective surface (i still am sometimes)
49. Do you like buying CDs and records? What was the last one you bought? i havenât bought any in a really long time
50. Whatâs an odd thing you collect? i collect shot glasses, but i donât think thatâs weird
51. Think of a person. What song do you associate with them? i think of same love when i think of my sister bc sheâs gay lol
52. What are your favourite memes of the year so far? iâm not really into memes
53. Have you ever watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Heathers? Beetlejuice? Pulp Fiction? What do you think of them? iâve actually never seen any of those but i really, really need to
54. Whoâs the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? this guy at red lobster who sat down before us but didnât get waited on until 10 mins or so after we had gotten waited on, i felt bad 4 him
55. Whatâs the most dramatic thing youâve ever done to prove a point? iâm so dramatic, man, i can only imagine
56. What are some things you find endearing in people? idk
57. Go listen to Bohemian Rhapsody. How did it make you feel? Did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i love that song! it makes me feel so many emotions, especially the first time i heard it. i always dramatically lip sync that song lol i love it so much
58. Whoâs the wine mom and whoâs the vodka aunt in your group of friends? Why? i am definitely the vodka aunt and i think my friend mariann would be the wine mom lol, just how our personalities would be
59. Whatâs your favourite myth? bigfoot
60. Do you like poetry? What are some of your favourites? iâm not a huge poetry person honestly.
61. Whatâs the stupidest gift youâve ever given? The stupidest one youâve ever received? i got a silly figurine last year that made no sense to me and i gave my brother a snuggie for his dick as a gag gift a few years back lol
62. Do you drink juice in the morning? Which kind? nope, but if i did itâd be apple juice
63. Are you fussy about your books and music? Do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be? yes i have my books in alphabetical order according to series and stuff like that. and then i have the books i haven;t read on a second shelf so i know that i need to read them
64. What colour is the sky where you are right now? black.
65. Is there anyone you havenât seen in a long time who youâd love to hang out with? of course
66. What would your ideal flower crown look like? light blue, dark blue, purple, and red. big big flowers
67. How do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i actually really like them
68. Whatâs winter like where you live? itâs freezing as hell.
69. What are your favourite board games? i feel like iâve answered this question soooo many times
70. Have you ever used a ouija board? my friend used to have one but i am not into that freaky shit
71. Whatâs your favourite kind of tea? lipton? lol
72. Are you a person that needs to note everything down or else youâll forget it? yeah
73. What are some of your worst habits? i bite my nails a lot, and the skin around my nails. and i bike the inside of my cheek and my lips a lot.
74. Describe a good friend of yours without using their name of gendered pronouns. idk
75. Tell us about your pets! okay so we have this sweet boy named boone heâs 1 and he is a mini aussie with one blue eye and an eye thatâs half blue and brown heâs really dopey. we are babysitting my sisters dogs ava (4) and laklyn (1), laklyn is brown and has lil freckles on her face and sheâs boones sister and ava is their aunt. i have a gray and white kitty named boots, sheâs 3 and she is the cuddliest and sweetest cat in the world she even gives kisses. then thereâs kitten who is a black 20lb monster of a cat sheâs 5 and she pees everywhere because sheâs a bitch. then we have taz who is a fluffy calico who is afraid of everything in the entire house, she has a snaggletooth. then thereâs egg who is a large tiger striped kitty, egg loves attention & her and taz are sisters and are both about 12.
76. Is there anything you should be doing right now but arenât? sleeping
77. Pink or yellow lemonade? either or
78. Are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? i canât stand the damn minions
79. Whatâs one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? jack bought me boots on our anniversary shortly after my baby passed away
80. What colour are your bedroom walls? Did you choose that colour? If so, why? purple
81. Describe one of your friendsâ eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. striking.
82. Are/were you good in school? itâs a good school, yeah
83. Whatâs some of your favourite album art? idk man
84. Â Are you planning on getting tattoos? Which ones? yep!! tons
85. Do you read comics? What are your favourites? kickass and scott pilgrim
86. Do you like concept albums? Which ones? sure
87. What are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the saw movies!!!
88. Are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? all of âem
89. Are you close to your parents? i think so. more so to my mother
90. Talk about one of your favourite cities. idonât have one
91. Where do you plan on travelling this year? i donât have a plan to travel anywhere this year, but next year jackson wants to go to visit his family in south carolina
92. Are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? iâd rather have a lot than a little
93. Whatâs the hairstyle you wear the most? my hair down bc itâs too short to do anything with right now
94. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? uhhh... my mother a few days ago actually
95. What are your plans for this weekend? the weekend is almost over lol
96. Do you install your computer updates really quickly, or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate
97. Myer Briggs type, Zodiac sign, and Hogwarts house? idk, aries, and slytherin
98. Whenâs the last time you went hiking? Did you enjoy it? itâs beena really long time, and i really did enjoy it
99. List some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. idk
100. If you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go five years into the past, the other five years into the future, which one would you press? Why? definitely five years into the future. i would just want to see how everything is in my life, see if it turned out how i wanted it to.
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Reacting to Crazy, Stupid, Love
Old Fashioneds for Charity: A Cocktail Philanthropy
The Setup: Kris actually gets into the long version of the Setup below, but this is also the first time all four of us have Reacted to Something together in real time! So itâs super long and a little clunkier than usual, but hopefully also fun. Weâll probably try to do it again at some point.
As always, post-chat annotations are in italics, and you can click on the first appearances of our names to see summaries of the TV shows, movies, and other things that influence our points of view.
LIZ:Â soo.. Crazy, Stupid, Love.. am I RIGHT?!
KRIS: Iâm worried Iâm going to disappoint all of you
(Are we all here?)
MARCHAE:Â Yes!!
MIRI:Â You laughed out loud multiple times while we watched
KRIS:Â Yes
MIRI:Â I donât think youâll disappoint us
LIZ:Â Kris, donât be worried. We will just unfriend you on social media first and
THEN cut off all contact
IF THAT HAPPENS
MIRI:Â hahahahaha
LIZ: â¤ď¸
MIRI:Â So, Kris--thoguhts?
MARCHAE:Â LOL
MIRI:Â Or thoughts
whichever you feel like
LIZ:Â I forgot so much.. Kris go first
MARCHAE:Â I want them ALLLL
LIZ:Â General opinion/ reaction then nitty gritty!?
KRIS: I guess Iâd like to start with the [name of my writing teacher] story first
Just to explain how we got here
MIRI:Â Ok, please do
MARCHAE:Â storytime with krisÂ
KRIS:Â Weâre just jumping right into like late second-act spoilers for Crazy Stupid Love, dear readers, all eight of you
MIRI: omg â¤ď¸Â
KRIS:Â So [Writing Teacher] wanted to give us an example of subtext
And writing dialogue that doesnât suck
So she gave us a scene, minus action description and names, and itâs a woman asking a man for advice on fixing a water heater
And she asks, what do you think this scene is about?
And we know itâs a trick question, but for whatever reason even the people whoâve seen the movie havenât picked up on it yet
So the answers are like âshe doesnât really want to ask for his helpâ
LIZ:Â Sneaky. Love it
KRIS: And then [Writing Teacher] turns on the TV and thereâs the title screen for Crazy Stupid Love, and some people are like ohhhh
And [Writing Teacher] doesnât say anything and she goes to the scene, and obviously itâs not even remotely about a water heater
And more people are like OHHHHH yeah
And I was like, damn
Thatâs good
And I guess I was over at Miriâs, or maybe we met somewhere for something, and I was telling this story
MIRI:Â âDamn. Thatâs good. Maybe I should listen to Miri when she tells me to watch thingsâ
KRIS:Â And it comes up that I havenât seen the movie
And Miri is like
MARCHAE:Â (Which is still unbelievable)
KRIS:
MIRI:Â Youâve used that gif about me more than once
KRIS:Â Yes I have
Itâs a good gif!
I like Elizabeth Jennings!
MIRI:Â And I am still complimented and also concerned
It is an excellent gif
KRIS:Â So this was October, I think
MIRI:Â I like her too but Iâm not sure I should want to be her!
October sounds right
LIZ:Â I dont think his advice was even legit to be honest so donât read it or watch it if you are struggling with a water heater issue!
Liz is looking out for us all, dear readers
READ THE MANUAL
KRIS:Â And every once in awhile it would come up and Miri sort of led this slow-but-steady charge of Weâre Going to Make Kris Watch Crazy Stupid Love
and Kelly signed onto this in some capacity
Kelly is Miriâs roommate and another friend from our grad program
And obviously Marchae and Lemon
Reminder: Lemon = Liz
So here we are
MIRI:Â Weâre humanitarians like that
Here we are!
KRIS:Â that was a looooot of preamble
sorry
MARCHAE:Â (And we had to get you on board with Hamilton too... kris I see a pattern)Â
MIRI:Â I like the preamble. Now, tell us your thoughts!
KRIS:Â I liked it?
See this is why Iâm worried about disappointing you
MIRI:Â Are you not sure about that?
Or do you just not have more expansive thoughts?
KRIS:Â No, Iâm sure
LIZ:Â you did like it or you liked it ?Â
KRIS:Â Iâm sure there are more thoughts, but Iâll need some prompting, I guess
MARCHAE:Â I'm sitting on the edge of my seat her!!!Â
Here*Â
MIRI:Â Ok, we can prompt
LIZ:Â Who cares what we think! I took some notes because I forget a lot of things and a lot of my notes were sassy.. so what?
KRIS:Â I think the only thing Iâd seen Gosling in before this was The Nice Guys
MARCHAE:Â Ok can you talk about the Ryan Gossling characterÂ
LIZ:Â MASCULINITY
MIRI:Â WHAT
LIZ:Â GOD
MIRI:Â ???
LIZ:Â go*
KRIS:Â and probably a couple of episodes of Young Hercules
LIZ:Â hahaha
MIRI:Â WHAAAT?
LIZ:Â this is a topic for another day
MIRI:Â True
KRIS:Â I never saw The Notebook
MARCHAE:Â What!?!
LIZ:Â LASDKF;SLAKGJASL;KFJASLKJF
MARCHAE:Â What is happening!?!?!
WHAT IS HAPPENINGÂ
LIZ:Â You need to want ALL OF IT EVERY DAY (the notebook that is)
KRIS:Â I can see thereâs going to be a Make Kris Not a Philistine syllabus at some point
MIRI:Â YES
But also you have tons for us to watch too
KRIS:Â I guess where I was going with this is that I realized watching CSL that Gosling has pretty strong Brad Pitt vibes
MIRI:Â Focusing on this movie!
RYAN GOSLINGS IS SO HOT in this. And I love that heâs hyper masculine without being so in all ways.
KRIS:Â Does that seem right? Or was this not representative?
LIZ:Â Talk about... representation in this movie... I had a lot of questions about masculinity rewatching
MARCHAE:Â Ew
So did I lizÂ
LIZ:Â and then about how women are portrayed obviously always.. but what are your gut reaction thoughts
MIRI:Â Like, heâs got some slightly effeminate affectations that go with his kind of dandy vibe
MARCHAE:Â And Miri to be clear the ew was for youÂ
MIRI:Â Um ouch??
KRIS:Â Hang on Iâm just pulling up IMDB to get character names
LIZ:Â ew what? heâs very hot
MIRI:Â You donât think heâs hot?
LIZ:Â did you not see his body
MIRI:Â Heâs hot!!
Itâs like heâs photoshopped!
LIZ:Â HAHAHA exactly
MARCHAE:Â And now you liz. No i think he generally looks dehydrated and like he needs to batheÂ
LIZ:Â ........
MARCHAE:Â The photoshopped line is funny but noÂ
LIZ:Â He has a tan?
MARCHAE:Â Go on KrisÂ
KRIS:Â Marchaeâs descriptions of unattractiveness are always so specific
Miri: Marchae once told me she thinks the Rock looks like a toe and I have NEVER forgiven her for it.
MARCHAE:Â I am also tannedÂ
MIRI:Â Ohh, youâve had this complaint about him before that he needs to wash
K: Marchae was not rooting for La La Land during the Oscars
KRIS:Â âdehydratedâ
MIRI:Â Ok, letâs talk about toxic masculinity and this filmâs deconstruction of it Because Iâm into it
KRIS:Â OK
MARCHAE:Â Yeah the bags under/around his eyes -dehydrationÂ
LIZ: lol at marchaeâs tan.. and nobodyâs here to say YOU ARENT HOTT! â¤ď¸ đ
MIRI: very true! đĽ
MARCHAE:Â Thanks gangÂ
MIRI:Â I think the film is pretty clear on the fact that Jacobâs perspective on women for most of the film is not super healthy or ok
(and also he could use some therapy)
MARCHAE:Â Ok so I did [rewatch] and I think because I knew we were talking pay more attention to how okay women are with RGs characterÂ
MIRI:Â And weâre all tired of the whole The Right Woman SAVED Him narrative, but I do like that he has actual growth
I would argue that heâs a womanizer, but not a misogynistÂ
KRIS:Â (I did wish both Emily and Hannah had bigger stories in this)
MIRI:Â (or at least not to the extent of most)
Kris, I second that
MARCHAE:Â Same hereÂ
MIRI:Â And not just because they are both such talented actors
The movie is mostly about the menâs growth
MARCHAE:Â Miri I feel like he might teeter on that line. He almost feels he has a right to these women he seeks outÂ
MIRI:Â But the women are allowed to be characters rather than set pieces more than most
MARCHAE:Â Kind of like that one that's the one I want and I will get herÂ
KRIS:Â Yeah, and of course itâs not inherently objectionable that this is a story about two dudes
MIRI:Â except the women they sleep with, mostly
Very true! I think we could use more stories about men having emotional growth and healthy friendships
MARCHAE:Â No not at all (three if you track the little boys story)Â
YES!!!Â
MIRI:Â The whole âYou donât ask them, you tell them that they want to come home with youâ thing is not great. Itâs pretty bad. But itâs also not the language that they ever use when actually talking to women--itâs always âwanna get out of hereâ type stuff
So I think that Jacob is not as much of a misogynist as he thinks he is!
I may be being too forgiving
But I love him
LIZ:Â I think he feels less entitled to the women and more just confident in his âgameâ bc consent is obviously important to him.. he doesnât have to talk anyone into anything, which SHOULD BE THE WAY IT ALWAYS IS but unfortunately is not in real life and in how âwooingâ is portrayed in film and what nots
MIRI:Â Very true! Heâs super forward, but will take no for an answer without being creepy
KRIS:Â I feel like on the page Jacob would probably come off as more of a dick
Gosling underplays it in a way, heâs very not Frat Dude
MARCHAE:Â I agree Kris!
MIRI:Â When he first hits on Hannah he keeps talking as she leaves, but he never gets up or tries to stop her (Again, low bar)
Yes!!
The performance really makes it
LIZ:Â That character couldâve easily ruined the movie
the shopping with Cal part is especially lovely
MIRI:Â Love that!
KRIS:Â I think thatâs because Hannah specifically was never really his objective; at that point sheâs interchangeable with any other woman he might want to take home
LIZ:Â I am a sucker for physical humor apparently (throwing his shoes and slapping him(
MARCHAE:Â I don't generally love him and Hannah/Nanna notes the ridiculous nature of the game he playsÂ
MIRI:Â I also adore the section where they talk and have the infomercial stuff--one of my favorite film sequences
MARCHAE:Â So then I'm on board once the movie itself recognizes ok this guy is a doofusÂ
MIRI:Â Do we believe that he actually remembered hitting on her that one time when she kisses him? Or is he just going with it?
KRIS:Â Thatâs an interesting question
I think the intent is that he remembers her
LIZ:Â Gosling also never said like âall I want is to have the sexy times with as many women as possibleâ.. he just is kind of good at it.. I think if he ever said that was all he cared about or aspired to be... heâd be an asshat of the highest caliber
MIRI:Â I think the movie always knows that heâs a doofus, but doesnât show its cards early
KRIS:Â Iâm not sure if itâs the answer that makes the most sense or is the most interesting
MIRI:Â Iâve never questioned it before
LIZ:Â I think he remembered her bc she turned him down
and we donât see anyone else do that
KRIS:Â I buy that
MIRI:Â Nice
MARCHAE:Â *YAS LIZ*
MIRI:Â Do we believe his redemption? Or change of heart or whatever?
LIZ:Â But then I felt like.. masculinity is kind of very set in stone and in stages of life in this movie
I know it is more complex
but does society kind of not ask it to be?
MIRI:Â Say more
What stages do you see?
LIZ:Â The kid with the crush ... the womanizer sexy young guy... the sad dad/ divorcee with his walking shoes and ill fitting clothes
MIRI:Â And are you saying the movie reinforces those ideas about particular types of masculinity or no?
LIZ:Â Cal is able to kind of morph into Goslings characters TYPE and I think at the end he is his own person and a NEW version of a man, but the ENTIRE movie kind of puts men in boxes.. which is FINE BC WOMEN ARE USED TO THAT TOO
KRIS:Â Is this kind of a Dan Fogelman thing? Iâm not super familiar with his corpus
LIZ:Â and the douche boyfriend of hannah is kind of the alternative to the sexy young guy.. the safe boring young guy like SHOULD I MARRY KOKOUM.. STEADY AS THE BEATING DRUM? that shit
I am asking.. because I donât know!
MIRI:Â Hmmm
KRIS:Â I think these are definitely all types/boxes but I donât know if Iâd map them into linear stages
MIRI:Â Maybe itâs more a question of him using and playing with types than anything else
MARCHAE:Â Liz I notes that too though not as eloquentlyÂ
KRIS:Â I got more of a âyou can be this, or you can be thatâ vibe
MARCHAE:Â Noted*
LIZ:Â There is something to be said of the separated married couple trying to maybe make it work.. and the way Cal turns into a better human who cares about himself and then his life more too bc of that.. idk
yeah
MIRI:Â And then ultimately you can be you with an element of this and that if you want
LIZ:Â Like the wife is flawed, but open and trying from the first scenes where he rolls out of the car, which I appreciate
MIRI:Â While Calâs journey gets way more screen time, I like the building blocks of Emilyâs a lot
âCan women have midlife crises??â Yes, they totally can
LIZ:Â Yeah I agree, Iâd have loved to see more Emily and Hannah
MIRI:Â And more of Liza Lapira, the friend!
KRIS:Â Also shout out to Asian Best Friend
MIRI:Â I love her and she never gets big enough parts!
LIZ:Â Right!?
MIRI:Â Kris, were weirdly in sync here and I love it
KRIS:Â There are like two not-white people in this movie and the other one is credited as âHip Hairdresserâ, so
MIRI:Â The phone call when Hannah is studying and ABF sees Jacob at the bar is hilarious
LIZ:Â She deserved to have something nice happen to her.. she gets creeped on by a fat old dude and gets to drool at Gosling! Not fair!
wow at hip hairdresser
MIRI:Â It is an extremely white movie
Like, down to the extras at the school and office
MARCHAE:Â Par for the course though for our friend HollywoodÂ
KRIS:Â Unless you count Emma Stone
Sorry
Too easy
Iâll show myself out
MIRI:Â HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA
LIZ:Â Yeah there is no reason why the babysitter and her family or the school staff or the people at the bar needed to be all white.. very gross
MIRI:Â Omg
Itâs very 10 years ago, too
MARCHAE:Â *KRIS*
KRIS:Â Oh letâs see if we can finish this masculinity stuff but do remind me to come back to the bar set
as a set
MIRI:Â We will try
Kris, as our man do you have anything to say about masculinity?
LIZ:Â like the kid, the dad, the player, the douche.. then the kind of controlled by his wife married angry ish guy (the friend w the mays bag) those are the people to think of as a refresher of type of dudes
KRIS:Â I donât know that I have any fresh insights you all havenât covered
LIZ:Â insert(eggplant emoji)
well do you think that it has anything right or anything wrong?
MIRI:Â đđđđđđđ
LIZ:Â like the adolescent kid is actually given a good amount of depth
MIRI:Â There you go, Lemon
LIZ:Â thank you I didnt know if we could use those hhahahahha
MIRI:Â We can
MARCHAE:Â Can I say one thing
LIZ:Â well
đ
MARCHAE:Â I did not love the end bit with the babysitter giving the kid the nude pics
MIRI:Â THANK YOU
MARCHAE:Â It was odd to me and not a thing I think a girl would doÂ
MIRI:Â I find that pretty grody
KRIS:Â Yeah I didnât love that whole story honestly
MARCHAE:Â Like here is my gift to you young flower
NO
KRIS:Â And I understand that part of this is just my general aversion to humans who arenât old enough to drink
MARCHAE:Â And No
MIRI:Â And technically distribution of child pornography since sheâs 17
KRIS
K: As previously established, I am generally not a person who is won over by cuteness of the non-furry-quadruped variety. Iâm the one who doesnât say anything when one of the others sends baby pictures in our group text.
KRIS:Â But yeah, even the persistent text messages
MARCHAE:Â LOLÂ
Yes and he kind of quasi stalks herÂ
It's. Not. Cute
MIRI:Â Yeah, âIâm not going to stop sending messages that make her uncomfortableâ is not great
KRIS:Â I guess Iâm not sure when this came out in relation to our sort of broader cultural understanding of social mediaâs role in rape culture and harassment more broadly
LIZ:Â Technology moves so fast
KRIS:Â But that was all on my mind
MIRI:Â I think it was before that general realization
They still had slide out keyboard phones
MARCHAE:Â But not before the general realization of stalkingÂ
And harassmentÂ
LIZ:Â I think it is harrassment
MARCHAE:Â And the exchange of kid picksÂ
KRIS:Â Yeah
MARCHAE:Â No adult human saidÂ
Young sir stop it's not cuteÂ
It was allÂ
LIZ:Â I think things hit the fan sexting wise after this though
MARCHAE:Â Go get her!Â
KRIS:Â BOYS WILL BE BOYS
LIZ:Â BOYS WILL BE RAPISTS HAHAHAHAH SO CUTE
jk but actually
Her crush on Cal was disturbing
like.. no.
MIRI:Â He is her dadâs friend!!!
LIZ:Â I was a hott mess in all the ways as a teen, but no!
MARCHAE:Â I guess I was lost on why it was supposed to be cute
MIRI:Â As creepy and not ok as the kid story is, I do like some od it
LIZ:Â The little girl.. the youngest.. Lets write her sequel.. she needs the most therapy
MARCHAE:Â I thought all of this the first timeÂ
MIRI:Â Like it was definitely written by a guy not really getting the reality of rape cultre
culture
MARCHAE:Â RIGHTÂ
MIRI:Â but I do like that his idea of love is neither purely romantic or solely sexual. He sees her as his soul mate and itâs nice to see more than one aspect of attraction represented in one
MARCHAE:Â Or the reality of LIFE
KRIS:Â I feel like a lot of this movie works better than it should because the performances arenât too broad
Like everyoneâs actually pretty easy to empathize with
MARCHAE:Â I think you're right thoughÂ
If even one of them has been not redeemable it would have not workedÂ
LIZ:Â I think soul mates are kind of bullshit.. which isnât unromantic of me, but more like... we see that this idea can force things that are not right and its not good for young people to fixate on someone like that!
KRIS:Â Even Jessica (babysitter) isnât presented as hysterical or like, hormone-addled
MIRI:Â True
Oh I think soul mates are bullshit too
MARCHAE:Â The kids are all pretty self awareÂ
I guess that gives it the passÂ
KRIS:Â So as uncomfortable as the story is when you take a step back, from pretty early on -- Iâm thinking the car scene when Cal drops Jessica off -- sheâs kind of restrained and thoughtful
LIZ:Â the only semi hysterical female is the teacher
but i think she is kind of fucked with in ways that bring that out
MIRI:Â My computer is being weird so sorry if my texts come in at a weird delay
KRIS:Â So I guess I liked that Jessica is afforded the same amount of humanity as anyone else, if that makes sense
LIZ:Â right
KRIS:Â Marisa Tomei!
LIZ:Â she definitely is
MIRI:Â I just like that the kid whoâs jerking off to a girl also likes her as more than a sex object
Yes
LIZ:Â Ugh that is so gross
MIRI:Â Marisa Tomei is so funny
What's gross?
LIZ:Â yes sheâs great
MIRI:Â Him jerking off with her IN THE HOUSE?
LIZ:Â Just thinking about having kids of either sex that age
I canât pick which one would be worse
KRIS:Â ha
MARCHAE:Â But he also isn't apologetic to the fact that he's made her uncomfortable about it and that's what bugs me
LIZ:Â he does apologize at one point
MIRI:Â I genuinely am bothered by that too
LIZ:Â but it kind of takes his world being crushed
which is odd
KRIS:Â Well, I donât like it as a story but I buy it from a 13-year-old
MIRI:Â All of the men need to Grow Emotionally in this movie
LIZ:Â I guess
yep
MARCHAE:Â But doesn't he say I'd do it again and she laughsÂ
MIRI:Â And the women mostly need to get outside their comfort zone, I guess?
K: I donât think so, actually. Iâd say itâs more something like, they need to be willing to say what they want/need from relationships, and/or donât expect your partner to be a mind-reader.
MIRI: I like that reading. I also think they need to be willing to examine what they want for themselves--Jessica doesât end up with a partner but she seems to be happy and to have realized that pursuing a crush that inappropriate is probably not the way to go.
LIZ:Â I have specific questions at some point about certain parts of the movie
MIRI:Â Go for it!
LIZ:Â Hannah being seen as âchasteâ by refusing Goslingâs advances kind of give her that angel dynamic, versus the slut thing that all of the women who readily go with him automatically might get, so then she DESERVES to hear about this parents and see his massage chair and be his one love... and I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THAT
also.. I did note.. âWHY IS HIS MASSAGE CHAIR IN THE GARAGE? PEOPLE ARE STARVINGâ which was in the moment but I stand by it
MIRI:Â I never thought of it that way. I assume sheâs been sleeping with Human Valium
LIZ:Â I have more but THOUGHTS?
KRIS:Â I think itâs totally in character for the chair to be abandoned in the garage
But to your larger point, yes
MIRI:Â Yes Jacob needs to stop trying to buy happiness and start volunteering and giving to charity and funding cool research or something
I think heâd find it much more rewarding
KRIS:Â I definitely think thereâs a (really familiar) undercurrent of assuming most of the women Jacob sleeps with are empty airheads
MIRI:Â Definitely
LIZ:Â âOld Fashionds for Charityâ a cocktail philanthropy
MIRI:Â âAm I boring you? Iâm totally boring you!â
Well thereâs the post title
Well done, Lemon
LIZ:Â Spelled wrong
lol
KRIS:Â We can spell it right in the heading
MIRI:Â There goes our integrityÂ
LIZ:Â hahahhaa
MARCHAE:Â I didn't think they were airheads but maybe... as the kids would say
ThirstyÂ
MIRI:Â I think the intent is that Hannah is the one that challenges him, not that sheâs virginal
But itâs still kind of shitty
LIZ:Â I donât want to feel seem like Im hating on Hannah btw
MIRI:Â No, you donât!
KRIS:Â Yeah, I think itâs like âHannah is a Woman of Substanceâ
LIZ:Â Her awkward, wet, weirdness where she says what sheâs thinking is amazing and I really identify with it.
MIRI:Â I am a little concerned that she went from being ready for Valium to propose to in a pretty heavy relationship with Jacob over the course of a rainstorm
Yes! Great moment of weirdness
When sheâs asking about the logistics of his moves itâs amazing
LIZ:Â I felt like she thought he might and shed be flattered, but I think she also might have had a come to jesus moment if he HAD proposed and left also
MIRI:Â Fair
KRIS:Â I got the sense there was a little bit of a time lapse presumed after they get together
LIZ:Â bc its at a cheese cake factory type of place (not that nice even) at a mall
MIRI:Â Thereâs at least a couple weeks
But still
LIZ:Â oh for sure
MIRI:Â The El Torito Grill!
KRIS:Â I mean even if it wasnât a super intense relationship I buy her not breaking up with him because Dad Says So
LIZ:Â oh yeah, sheâs an adult... that is insane
MIRI: Definitely!Â
KRIS:Â Oh, okay, so now that weâre here, I should say that the Twist worked well enough for me to say âWhaaaatâ out loud
MIRI:Â But also sheâs totally emotionally investedÂ
He did!!!
LIZ:Â because you thought nana was a grandma?
MIRI:Â It was great!
KRIS:Â Up until that point, I was sort of like okay, this is a charming movie but I donât feel a need to rewatch it ever
LIZ:Â also they are so into their kids.. why does she not come up! it is kind of CONVENIENT
KRIS:Â But now I would maybe want to rewatch it to see how they plant that
MIRI:Â They plant it well!
MARCHAE:Â "Charming"
KRIS:Â I did have a moment earlier in the movie of like âhuh, they cast two redheadsâ
LIZ:Â ha
MIRI:Â When Cal talks about his kids itâs always âmy youngestâ (rather than my girl) and âI have kids--plural!â
MARCHAE:Â That's true and he also just calls Hannah Nanna right?
MIRI:Â right
KRIS:Â Yeah, and they do sort of plant the banana thing in the not-proposal scene, right?Â
Or maybe the earlier restaurant scene?
MARCHAE:Â Yeah!Â
KRIS:Â So at no point was I like âbuddy, thatâs a stretchâ
MIRI:Â Hannah Banana!
LIZ:Â thats good
KRIS:Â I would just be curious to spot all the pieces being set up
LIZ:Â they definitely are
MIRI:Â Itâs a good rewatch
MARCHAE:Â I like it a lot actuallyÂ
LIZ:Â also.. there are cheesy parts.. which seem to be on the nose, but the movie is very self aware
like the rain starts and he says like âso clicheâ or something
MIRI:Â Yes!
LIZ:Â but his kid is like âdad you did change, you just got new clothesâ and I did think BARF OKAY NO
MIRI:Â And Emily actually mentions how things are âin the moviesâ when talking about midlife crisesÂ
Like, a cliche lampshading of a cliche is still cliche
KRIS: That did jump out at me
MARCHAE:Â It knew these thingsÂ
KRIS:Â I donât know if it bothered me but I donât think I wouldâve missed it either
LIZ:Â there was also a part about half way through where I realized why I like tv more most of the time.. like even if I had never seen it.. I knew what would happen and I am so sick of that fake roller coaster/ formulaic bs
MARCHAE:Â Does that make the movie smart
KRIS:Â I think it makes it self-satisfied
LIZ:Â No, but it is cute
MIRI:Â I think itâs both self-satisfied and cute
KRIS:Â sure
MIRI:Â Like, itâs a little annoying but Iâll allow it because I like the rest so much
MARCHAE:Â FairÂ
MIRI:Â Also this is not at all connected to what weâre talking about but âI donât want your slutty moneyâ is one of the best moments ever
LIZ:Â oh yeah
hahaha
MARCHAE:Â And Emily's response was the best
LIZ: because it isnât overdone or too dramatic.. it is kind of exactly how someone would think they are really telling someone off, but it is more like a passing strange comment built up in their brain
what about kevin
they say his name 3084028408 times and I have forgotten it
MIRI:Â David Lindhagen
MARCHAE:Â I was like was his name Kevin?buut I'm there nowÂ
KRIS:Â Iâd watched a couple episodes of I Love Dick shortly before this so I was like Oh hey, Kevin Bacon! but I donât have deep thoughts
MARCHAE:Â I think the story could have easily been told without ever actually having seen himÂ
KRIS:Â I liked that he wasnât a cartoon villain
MIRI:Â But then we donât get the fight scene!!!
Which is amazing!
Yes! I think heâs a nice seeming guy who is a little shitty for going after a married woman
LIZ:Â yeah the fight scene is great
MIRI:Â Heâs not a massive dick, but heâs not a hero
LIZ:Â nobody really is ha
MIRI:Â Jacobâs desire to punch him is great
KRIS:Â Yeah, exactly, I did like that a lot about the movie
LIZ:Â except when cal calls the bartender.. a cocktail servant that is the meanest thingÂ
Right that felt like real family
MIRI:Â But heâs definitely seen as being a dick for that
LIZ:Â like you can be mad at each other but still have a common enemy
MIRI:Â Even he knows it was dickish
KRIS:Â cocktail servant was weird, yeah
LIZ:Â yes he did
MIRI:Â Yeah I like the way the family can fight and still come together
Very genuine feeling
LIZ:Â another amazing part... âamy heard you crying in the bathroom. we all thought it was cancer.. thank god!â
and they donât talk for a while but still kind of love each other and the what nots
KRIS:Â So about the bar set, I liked that Cal ended up back in that seat after having been in Jacobâs spot looking at some other balding sadsack who was obviously supposed to remind him of himself
Itâs simple, but I liked that use of set geography to establish power dynamics
K: Off the top of my head, this AV Club article (on the study table in Community and the elevator in Captain America: The Winter Soldier) is my favorite little internet thing about using a set to establish, and then play with, audience expectations.
LIZ:Â with a straw!
MARCHAE:Â Ohhhhh nice!
LIZ:Â yeah
MIRI:Â Yes!
Very good use of space/visuals
My perpetual question about Jacob--is he supposed to be Jewish??
LIZ:Â I also donât think any women go to that bar twice
for his whole scheme to work
MIRI:Â He says shvonz (I donât even know how to spell that) and his name is Jacob.
This is my only evidence but I feel strongly about tit
LIZ:Â He feels Jewish and sometimes Italian to me haha
MIRI:Â Yes!
LIZ:Â maybe both!
MIRI:Â His actual pronunciation of words does not feel Jewish to me, but that could be regional
MIRI: Please note that Iâm not trying to imply that all Jewish people must âsound Jewish.â For example, I have some of the speech patterns that characterize Jewish American speech but almost none of the pronunciations.
Yes, he could be both!
LIZ:Â but yeah the shvonz (autocorrect canât guess a thing) seems like yiddish or pretend yiddish
MIRI:Â Definitely
LIZ:Â seems like eastern european with a spray tan and a come-as-it-pleases brooklyn accent
MIRI:Â (HOW MANY TIMES DO I SAY DEFINITELY IN EACH ONE OF THESE??)
LIZ:Â DEFINITELY A FEW TIMES
MIRI:Â hahahahahaha YES Liz
LIZ:Â no I didnât notice hahaha
KRIS:Â About as many times as I say âlikeâ and âfor sureâ
LIZ:Â or as many times as I ignore punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and grammar in general? jk that is always for me (IM NOT SORRY! I MAJORED IN IT AND I PROVED THAT I KNOW IT)
MIRI:Â hahahahahaha
KRIS:Â Marchae I feel like you must have four pages of handwritten notes, is there anything youâre dying to bring up that we havenât covered?
MARCHAE:Â HAHAHAHAH Â
This time I didn't have as many notes!Â
LIZ:Â HAÂ
good! that means you just watched and enjoyed!
MARCHAE:Â My thing was mostly the odd kiddie crush bits that we coveredÂ
KRIS:Â Yeah interestingly I feel like thereâs not a lot to overthink here outside of larger cultural issues
LIZ:Â Why didnât Jacob buy Calâs drinks or some of his clothes?
His house is like.. clearly a 4 million dollar plus home
KRIS:Â Does he ever say what his job is?
MARCHAE:Â I also wanted to add that I want a story that focuses on Hannah and Jacob
MIRI:Â Thatâs true. Like, thereâs a lot thatâs done really well but it doesnât take ling to say that
MARCHAE:Â He's a hustler krisÂ
LIZ:Â I think he got a large inheritance
KRIS:Â oh right
LIZ:Â (pillow talk exposition)
Hesssss a hustler babyyyyy
MARCHAE:Â Ha!Â
MIRI:Â At least heâs not a scrub
LIZ:Â he knows about new balance rules and he eats pizza w a napkin!
KRIS:Â That pizza thing is actually the first moment where I thought of Brad Pitt
I think because of Rusty in the Oceanâs movies
LIZ: I think you can wear stylish and supportive footwear btw.. I didnât like that message
MIRI:Â Sbaru Sbarro?Â
I love that moment
LIZ:Â Brad isnât my fav
MIRI:Â Yes, Jacob has some unhealthy rules
KRIS:Â But he has a similar low-key charisma
LIZ:Â If you think Brad is charismaticÂ
can you seriously go watch the notebook
MARCHAE:Â Brad Pitt does?
KRIS:Â I mean Iâve always liked him
MIRI:Â In Oceans he totally is
Whether you like him in general or not
LIZ:Â People donât forget is all Iâll say about thim
MIRI:Â We should have Kris and Marchae do a Notebook reactionÂ
And Liz just annotates after
MARCHAE:Â See the notebook makes me cryÂ
LIZ:Â oh yes
of course it does
(no spoilies)
MARCHAE:Â I won't Â
I'd be down!Â
LIZ:Â đ
MIRI:Â Ok, anything else we want to say about CSL?
KRIS:Â I donât actually harbor DEEP resentment toward Emma Stone for Aloha
MARCHAE:Â HAHAHA
KRIS:Â I just hope she makes better choices in the future
LOOKING AT YOU, JOHANSSON
MIRI:Â Agreed
UGHHHHHH agreed
MARCHAE:Â Yes!!!!!!!!
MIRI:Â Like, learn from your mistakes
Stop making even bigger ones
K: Actually I just realized, Iâm not sure what else youâre referring to besides Ghost in the Shell.
MIRI: Lucy. While not actually a case of whitewashing, it is pretty bad on the Yellow Peril front and she caught some flak for it...and then upped the ante by playing a Japanese character in Ghost in the Shell.
K: Look, I stopped paying attention to Lucy the second I realized it was premised on that âwe only use 10 percent of our brains!â horseshit.Â
But Johansson didnât write Lucy, and it was what âprovedâ she could carry an action movie on her own, so Iâm inclined to cut her slack there that Iâm not willing to cut her for taking on a specifically whitewashed lead role in Ghost. Expecting actors to answer for writers and directors (in this case Luc Besson) is a slippery slope. Go too far, and itâs like blaming Candice Patton for The Flash writersâ inability to make Iris more than a damsel in distress for longer than half an episode at a time.
MIRI: Very true! I think Lucy is excusable, but Lucy and Ghost combined makes for an uncomfortable pattern. And yes, the 10% of the brain thing is ridiculous.
KRIS:Â I do like the whole Woody Harrelson Introduced Emma Stone and Brie Larson and Jennifer Lawrence to Each Other thing
MARCHAE:Â YES MADAM HOT SAUCE DISAPPOINTED ME
LIZ:Â Amazing
KRIS:Â We have to talk about this Madam Hot Sauce thing
And we will -- or at least, Marchae will, with our very first Guest Reactor sometime in the next week or two. Because apparently âMadam Hot Sauceâ is what Marchae calls Scarlett Johansson, and Marchae has discovered that she has strong opinions about the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
#crazy stupid love#ryan gosling#emma stone#steve carell#julianne moore#liz#kris#marchae#miri#peer pressure#movies#check out our first cliffhanger ending y'all#reaction
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im feeling Ranty about BL3 so readmore
honestly just to preface this, my rant/vent is not about people who have the attitude of âBorderlandsâs writing/characters/humor isnât really my style and I donât like itâ but they donât go out of their way to shit on it or just call it a âbad gameâ just because it doesnât align to what they personally enjoy
people who just dislike Borderlands but are chill about it? i like u. keep doin what ur doin. u donât have to like Borderlands, its okay. ur allowed to have ur own tastes and interests and if Borderlands doesnât tickle ur fancy, thats ok!!!Â
but @ all the assholes who think that theyâre Big Galaxy Brain Intellectuals⢠because they think Borderlands is âcringeyâ and specifically shit on the game/people who enjoy the game because of a subjective difference? yâall can go drink a glass of Shut The Fuck Up
iâm honestly SO happy that Gearbox didnât do some massive overhaul with BL3. Iâm so happy they didnât cram in some stupid battle royale mode, or some half-assed multiplayer mode, or whatever. For all their faults (of which there are several), Gearbox genuinely understands what their core fanbase wants out of Borderlands. And as far as Iâve seen, they havenât budged on that even a little bit.Â
I was so worried that BL3 was just gonna be Anthem but celshaded, just a hacked out excuse to wring money out of people.Â
But it isnât.Â
I have almost 350 hours in BL2 on steam, and probably over 2,000 on Xbox360, which is where I spent years playing the Borderlands franchise until I switched over to PC.Â
And not everyone liked Borderlands 2! A lot of the âcriticismâ being levied at BL3 is eerily similar to a lot of stuff that got thrown at BL2.Â
âThe memes are outdated and cringey, the humor is childish and basic, Claptrap is annoying and insufferable, the story is mediocre, the gameplay is repetitiveâ
Am I quoting criticisms of BL2 or 3? Trick question! Itâs both!Â
Yet somehow Borderlands 2 sold gangbusters and grew a devoted fanbase that patiently waited seven goddamn years for a proper sequel, happily playing the same game for hours and hours and hours.
And Gearbox not only respected its fanbase by releasing a whole-ass new DLC for Borderlands 2 to connect 2 and 3, but its so obvious how much love and effort and passion went into Borderlands 3. Gearbox understands and respects what its core fanbase and audience wants and expects out of a Borderlands game, and they fucking delivered.Â
And of course all the critics and comedy snobs and general âI donât personally enjoy this game so therefore it Sucks and is Objectively The Worst Thing Everâ crowd dissing BL3 for allll the same things that BL2 got criticized for back in 2012.Â
âThe memes are outdated and cringeyâ The stupid memes are great. I havenât laughed at a game in a while and yet Iâm constantly chuckling, grinning, or outright bursting into laughter over the various dumb memes and references in BL3. Hell, two of the respawn quotes the New-U station says are fucking Skyrim memes.Â
âThe humor is childish and basicâ Thereâs a Moxxi shield that has the word âHealgasmâ in its text informing you what it does. When the shield breaks, it heals you and allies, and it refers to this as a âHealgasmâ. Thatâs funny. Is it childish? Absolutely. Is it hilarious? Also yes. Childish humor has its place, and its part of the BL3 identity. Thereâs also plenty of dick jokes, fart jokes, and poop jokes to go around, and while not all of them are home runs, they still got a chuckle out of me at the very least. Even the bad jokes are funny, the same way you can enjoy a terrible pun or a dad joke.Â
âClaptrap is annoyingâ This is basically a stand in for âX character is annoying/bad/shouldnât be in the gameâ. Whether itâs Claptrap, Tiny Tina, Moxxi, Lilith, the Borderlands cast tends to get called âannoyingâ a lot. And while Claptrap was designed to be annoying, and itâs totally understandable if you donât like characters like that, this is just....its just personal taste. I love the cast of characters in Borderlands, I always have and I still do. And plenty of other people do as well. Itâs okay to have a personal dislike for something but you gotta understand that its subjective.Â
I never see any of those âcriticismsâ expanded upon, by the way. Nobody has any actual analysis as to why these characters are bad. I only ever see âtheyâre annoyingâ or some other form of âI, personally, do not like themâ
Which is okay! Youâre allowed to dislike stuff! But donât use your personal dislike as an objective criticism!
The only things the games get criticized for that I consider legitimate is the criticisms that the story can be kinda bland, and that the gameplay can be repetitive.Â
These can both be true! The first Borderlands has a crap story, and Pre-Sequel definitely isnât scoring high marks in those categories either. I think BL2â˛s main story is fucking fantastic, and Iâm loving 3 so far (this game is fucking LONG though jesus), but even 2 has its low points and bland bits.Â
I donât think the main plots are nearly as bad as some people make them out to be though, theyâre definitely not masterpieces sure, but the way some people treat these games stories is like theyâre looking for an excuse to hate on it.Â
And as for the gameplay, I do think this comes down to personal preference again, but I also have to ask what should the games have done to make it less repetitive? The characters all have various action skills that change how you play, the enemy types are fairly varied and interesting, and all the different guns add a very different spin on typical FPS gameplay.Â
I mean sure, the moment-to-moment gameplay might not be as dynamic as something like DOOM2016 but I think if youâre going to play an FPS, youâre signing up for some measure of repetitiveness. Not every game can be DOOM, and even then, repetitive doesnât necessarily mean bad.Â
thatâs basically my rant, I wish the people that dislike Borderlands would get off their high horse and just be chill about it. You donât need to like the franchise, itâs okay. Anyone demanding that you like it is just delusional.Â
Itâs okay to not get the humor, itâs okay to dislike the characters, itâs okay to dislike the story, itâs okay to dislike the game!Â
I just really, really wish that people would just let the people who do enjoy the humor, and characters, and story, and game, well...enjoy it. Let us have the Borderlands that we love. Stop demanding that it change to suit your personal preferences better. Stop shitting on the people who enjoy it just so you can enjoy some sort of intellectual high ground.Â
Iâm just gonna leave it with this
I donât like Undertale! yeah, crazy right? but I donât. I tried it, I really did, but the gameplay frustrated me, the humor flew right over my head with a few exceptions, the music irritated my ears, and I couldnât really stand most of the characters except like...that dapper ghost fellow. He was cool.Â
But yeah, I donât like Undertale. And people always act shocked and bewildered when I admit that, and sometimes people get really defensive of it!Â
But hereâs the thing, just because I donât like Undertale, doesnât mean I think itâs a bad game. The gameplay was frustrating, but I donât really like bullet hell games so thatâs probably why. Megalovania and Ghost Fight are the only two tracks in the game that donât make me want to mute the sound. Almost none of the jokes landed, the only thing I laughed at was the two dogs in the snowy area. And I really didnât like the characters, they all rubbed me the wrong way. Yes, even Goat Mom.Â
But all of that is just...me. Undertale is a beloved game by so many people, so it obviously did something right. Itâs just not for me. And thatâs okay. Iâm not gonna demand that it change so I can enjoy it, and I donât think people are âcringeyâ or whatever for enjoying it! Iâm glad that it has such a loving fanbase!
So yeah. The next time you wanna call a game âcringeyâ or take some weird moral high ground just because you dislike a game, whether its Borderlands or something else entirely, maybe take a few moments and ask yourself, are you making an actual, valid criticism? Or are you just confusing your own personal bias with objectivity?Â
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