#they call it impiety and lack of propriety and quite a variety of unpleasant names

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for poisoning the pigeons in the park?

Every Sunday you’ll see my sweetheart and me as we poison the pigeons in the park. But, you see, we’ve gained notoriety and caused much anxiety in the Audubon Society with our games. They called it “impiety” and “lack of propriety” and quite a variety of unpleasant names. But you know, it’s not against any religion to want to dispose of a pigeon.

[skeletor-reads-this-post]

Spring is here

A-suh-puh-ring is here

Life is skittles and life is beer

I think the loveliest time

Of the year is the spring

I do, don't you? 'Course you do

But there's one thing

That makes spring complete for me

And makes every Sunday

A treat for me

All the world seems in tune

On a spring afternoon

When we're poisoning pigeons in the park

Every Sunday you'll see

My sweetheart and me

As we poison the pigeons in the park

When they see us coming

The birdies all try and hide

But they still go for peanuts

When coated with cyanide

The sun's shining bright

Everything seems all right

When we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We've gained notoriety

And caused much anxiety

In the Audubon Society

With our games

They call it impiety

And lack of propriety

And quite a variety

Of unpleasant names

But it's not against any religion

To want to dispose of a pigeon

So if Sunday you're free

Why don't you come with me

And we'll poison the pigeons in the park

And maybe we'll do

In a squirrel or two

While we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We'll murder them all

Amid laughter and merriment

Except for the few

We take home to experiment

My pulse will be quickenin'

With each drop of strychnine

We feed to a pigeon

(It just takes a smidgin!)

To poison a pigeon in the park

These pigeons have been poisoned by Skeletor!!!

Original HERE

Piano nabbed from HERE

(If I may step out of character for a moment; I'm not much of a singer but I went all out on this one because I've been a huge Tom Lehrer fan my whole life. I never met him directly, but he taught math at my hometown university and was a regular at the used bookstore where I had my first job. So thanks for the deep cut, anon💀👍)

[tma-entity-song-poll]

Battle of the Fear Bands B2R2: The Corruption

Poisoning Pigeons in the Park:

“Dead pigeon do not eat- does what it says on the tin! A song about poisoning some pigeons as a date idea.”

The Hearse Song:

“This is literally the corruption you guys (But it can also be read as the buried or the end, but the three are close!)”

Lyrics below the line!

Poisoning Pigeons in the Park:

Spring is here A-suh-puh-ring is here Life is skittles and life is beer I think the loveliest time Of the year is the spring I do, don't you? 'Course you do But there's one thing That makes spring complete for me And makes every Sunday A treat for me All the world seems in tune On a spring afternoon When we're poisoning pigeons in the park Every Sunday you'll see My sweetheart and me As we poison the pigeons in the park When they see us coming The birdies all try and hide But they still go for peanuts When coated with cyanide The sun's shining bright Everything seems all right When we're poisoning pigeons in the park We've gained notoriety And caused much anxiety In the Audubon Society With our games They call it impiety And lack of propriety And quite a variety Of unpleasant names But it's not against any religion To want to dispose of a pigeon So if Sunday you're free Why don't you come with me And we'll poison the pigeons in the park And maybe we'll do In a squirrel or two While we're poisoning pigeons in the park We'll murder them all Amid laughter and merriment Except for the few We take home to experiment My pulse will be quickenin' With each drop of strychnine We feed to a pigeon (It just takes a smidgin!) To poison a pigeon in the park

The Hearse Song:

Don't ever laugh as a hearse goes by For you may be the next to die They wrap you up in bloody sheets To drop you six feet underneath They put you in a pinewood box And cover you up with dirt and rocks It all goes well for about a week And then, your coffin begins to leak And the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out The worms play pinochle on your snout They eat your eyes, they eat your nose As you begin to decompose A slimy beetle with demon's eyes Chews through your stomach and out your sides Your stomach turns to rancid grease And puss pours out like melted cheese You spread it on a slice of bread And that's what you'll eat when you're dead And the worms crawl out, the worms crawl in The ones that crawl in are lean and thin The ones that crawl out are fat and stout Your eyes fall in, and your hair falls out Your brain turns into maggot pie Your liver starts to liquify And for the living, all is well As you sink further into hell And the flames rise up to drag you down Into the fire, where you will drown Your skin melts off as you descend And Satan tears you limb from limb Your suffering will never end And the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out They'll eat your guts and then shit them out And when your bones begin to rot The worms remain, but you do not So don't ever laugh as a hearse goes by For someday, you'll be the one to die And when Death brings his cold despair Ask yourself, "Will anyone care?"

[grungusdollar]

ive had poisoning pigeons in the park stuck in my head. all fucking day

here's to hoping it doesnt go through to tomorrow

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I'd say Tom Lehrer's Poisoning Pigeons in the Park is a song and a sentiment Sherlock would approve of...

Spring is hereA-suh-puh-ring is hereLife is skittles and life is beerI think the loveliest timeOf the year is the springI do, don’t you? ‘Course you doBut there’s one thingThat makes spring complete for meAnd makes every SundayA treat for meAll the world seems in tuneOn a spring afternoonWhen we’re poisoning pigeons in the parkEvery Sunday you’ll seeMy sweetheart and meAs we poison the pigeons in the parkWhen they see us comingThe birdies all try an’ hideBut they still go for peanutsWhen coated with cyanideThe sun’s shining brightEverything seems all rightWhen we’re poisoning pigeons in the parkWe’ve gained notorietyAnd caused much anxietyIn the Audubon SocietyWith our gamesThey call it impietyAnd lack of proprietyAnd quite a varietyOf unpleasant namesBut it’s not against any religionTo want to dispose of a pigeonSo if Sunday you’re freeWhy don’t you come with meAnd we’ll poison the pigeons in the parkAnd maybe we’ll doIn a squirrel or twoWhile we’re poisoning pigeons in the parkWe’ll murder them allAmid laughter and merrimentExcept for the fewWe take home to experimentMy pulse will be quickenin’With each drop of strych'nineWe feed to a pigeon(It just takes a smidgin!)To poison a pigeon in the park

(Lyrics from Genius.com)

ASDFADFASDF *SNORTS LOUDLY*

Just another day out for these two isn’t it, Lovely? Hahhaha I can totally see this being a writing prompt… like John realizes what Sherlock is doing and he’s just exasperatedly trying to get him to stop XD Hahhahaahhaha Thank you for this one, Nonny. Morbid but totally Sherlock LOL.

[diodmannen]

TOM LEHRER: POISONING PIGEONS IN THE PARK (live on Norwegian TV 1967; Lehrer)

Today Tom Lehrer turns 90, and what better way to celebrate this happy occasion than with a song about the coming of spring?

Tom said about this song in 1997, specifically the recording of the orchestral version arranged by Richard Hayman: "I will never forget the day when Hayman came in, it was 10 in the morning, a regular union group, and they put the music in front of them, no title, no lyrics, no nothing, and they ran through it a few times and they got it. So he said okay, and I went into the booth to record, and the engineer said 'Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, take one' and the piano player said 'Whaat?' and literally fell off the bench. I had never seen anybody do that. They had no idea. It was just this pleasant little waltz, and they thought it was some commercial or something. And he just collapsed. That was the only time I had ever seen someone just fall off." [source]

I am all for culling urban pigeon populations. After I had my balcony annexed by a couple of nesting pigeons a couple of years ago (and the overworked exterminators took three weeks to get around to my case), I have no sympathy for those winged rats.

Spring is here A-suh-puh-ring is here Life is skittles and life is beer I think the loveliest time Of the year is the spring I do, don't you? 'Course you do But there's one thing That makes spring complete for me And makes every Sunday A treat for me

All the world seems in tune On a spring afternoon When we're poisoning pigeons in the park Every Sunday you'll see My sweetheart and me As we poison the pigeons in the park

When they see us coming The birdies all try an' hide But they still go for peanuts When coated with cyanide The sun's shining bright Everything seems all right When we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We've gained notoriety And caused much anxiety In the Audubon Society With our games They call it impiety And lack of propriety And quite a variety Of unpleasant names But it's not against any religion To want to dispose of a pigeon

So if Sunday you're free Why don't you come with me And we'll poison the pigeons in the park And maybe we'll do In a squirrel or two While we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We'll murder them all Amid laughter and merriment Except for the few We take home to experiment My pulse will be quickenin' With each drop of strych'nine We feed to a pigeon (It just takes a smidgin!) To poison a pigeon in the park

[blamebrampton]

‘Poisoning Pigeons In The Park’ is a work of utter genius. A few highlights

We've gained notoriety

And caused much anxiety

In the Audobon Society

With our games

They call it impiety

And lack of propriety

And quite a variety of unpleasant names

But it's not against any religion

To want to dispose of a pigeon …

We'll murder them amid laughter and merriment

Except for the few we take home to experiment

The whole thing is on YouTube here.

I will never understand why Tom Lehrer is not a massive thing on tumblr.

For anyone who doesn’t know, Tom Lehrer was a Harvard mathematics lecturer who did musical satire in his spare time during the 50s and 60s.

He’s basically a lyrical genius: ridiculously clever and funny and awesome.

His songs cover pretty much every topic imaginable as well, from the political (the atomic bomb and world war three) to social issues (tolerance, drugs, homosexuality and religion) to environental issues (pollution and animal welfare) to the macabre and the kinky (masochism, necrophilia and dirty novels). And all in a tongue-in-cheek, amazingly still relevant way.