#they be having a derealization moment
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◖ @divingdownthehole / 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐒 : "Sit down before you fall down.
⚖ ― blood, blood, gallons of the stuff ! 彡
They are displaced . They don't know right this second who is in the forefront of their mind , breath tight . Their ribs feel full of fluid , it was just a sensation , though it constricted their chest nonetheless . Panic .
Their body heavy while they seem to be out of bounds and out of their body . Soon came a voice . Sit down .
Can they sit ? Would their body allow for that ? They willed it anyway , breathing in , air trying to join the mugginess of their lungs .
❝ What ? - Who . ❞ Vision abstracts until it doesn't , it settles , focusing on the figure in front of them . ❝ You . ❞ It yields no malice , no their words are escaping their split lips , though not quite registering to their own ears . ... Jervis Tetch . That's who this is . They look to their hands , squeezing them tight .
#◖𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 ? / 𝐢𝐜 .#𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐯. / 𝐭𝐛𝐭 .#divingdownthehole#they be having a derealization moment#tw: derealization
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Carrying a body that’s not your own
#mango’s art#kid icarus#pit#I got inspired while I was having a derealization moment at the gym#so here’s good ol’ pits stuck in a ring art#it’s not really dwelled on in game but the moment where pit sees his body destroying the town has stuck with me#oh little pits were really in it now
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i am poison in the water
#weirdcore#dreamcore#dereality#unreality#my edit#unorcadox#liminal#liminal spaces#nostalgiacore#y2kcore#old web#caption source: Hard Times by Ethel Cain#<- i'm having a moment don't mind me
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I wanna take a crack at making some fake screenshot graphics for my Sif Odile duo loopers au but I do not feel confident enough in my ability to mimic isat's art style and I also have a crippling fear of drawing backgrounds
#rat rambles#stars posting#I wanna make a thing for odile's parallel scene to the bathroom scene were sif forgets odile's name#but it takes place in the traps room by the wood carving tools which isn't the worst room to have to draw ig but I still dont want to#I could just take the lazy route and just sketch the scene so I can get it out of my head and I probably will#but at the same time I also should draw more stuff with backgrounds even if it makes me want to throw up and cry#but yeah the scene is basically just odile having a derealization moment while thinking abt the wooden odile carving sif made for her#just her looking at it and feeling nothing and trying to look ahead at siffrin expecting to be reminded of what it's supposed to make her#feel and just being met with the same emptyness in her chest as she can barely even recognize the person in front of her until they look#back at her and their expression shifts into a extremely concerned one#does that make sense? idk if Im explaining it well but I hope it makes sense#but yeah smth smth them becoming less real to eachother overtime much to the horror of both#also unrelated but I need to start rotating loop in this au in my head more theres so much to work with here#I have some vague ideas and thoughts but I have been too odile brained to properly elaborate on those in my head#Im honestly just glad Ive finally made an au that I can actually get invested in fleshing out#I havent rly found a good headspace to rly play around with the main cast but this is actually giving me smth to chew on#usually most thoughts I have abt isat just lead to me thinking abt my ocs lol#regardless Im having fun with this au and I hope that I can bring myself to commit to it#also Ive been trying to think of a decent name for this au and Im half tempted to call it from the top or smth but I feel like Im tempted#to call like every story I make that so Im on the fense abt it#especially since thats what Ive been planning on calling the prologue for spiraling upwards#not that I cant just do both but I wanna see if I can think of any alternatives
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I think whatever cocktail of drugs kamala harris is on would fix me
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#i never realized how bad my dissociation is#I’ve been making voice memos on my walks for a few months now#and the moments i forget what i was saying are very telling#my derealization episodes seemed to me to be completely random#only lately have i been trying to actually pay attention to what could cause them#bc there’s a difference between ‘love letter’ derealization that comes and goes quickly like a notice from your brain to relax#or stop taking things so seriously#but then there’s the times where it stays or it’s there when i first open my eyes for the day#the first time i had an episode it lasted for a month and it was awful#it says a lot more about my mental state#which seems obvious but i think I’m just that detached or in denial about my life and emotions#i truly thought i was an emotionally intelligent and in tune person but I’m really not#i need therapy so bad
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if gup gets shopped out im gonna be so pissed yall
#some internet ppl telling me abt this like naw. im not happy im fuckin mad#and as moots said the way it's getting talked abt is uncomfy#literally like just say u don't respect 1. homosexuality as a sexuality and 2. Boundaries and#3. Being on camera does not equal being entertainment. They didn't film that shit themselves#they were just being stupid kids n now#the whole world's treating them like the adults they are now. That's not fair fr#maybe im just protective but like#thats a whole ass friendship thats not gonna get all fucked up cus of some stupid camera during a stupid moment#and stupid viewers now watching and capable of being stupid#UGH#IT'S JUST SO STUPID#derealisming reality is a PLAGUE rn#it's just UGHHH#i dont wanna say more bcs i feel like id get called soft or whatever#it's just so dumb#im not 'happy' abt it bro and i shouldnt be wtf is wrong with u#be aware of other shit outside ur own lil fantasies or opinions ugh#i rlly rlly hope gup n green are ok rn#and now all the people that make fun of green for his nails feel like they have some fuckin highground IM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT MAN#ugh
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everyone say thank u tumblr 4 doing a y2k thing that almost gave us a derealization moment. thanks tumblr. great website.
#[ren]#its just. ? augh.#sorry this seems like such a stupid fuckin thing to have a derealization moment over but my god.#i fuckin hate it here i swear to GOD
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what THE FUCK is up with ppl todayyyy i feel like im going crazy there's NO WAY i've had this many INSANE interactions and it's only 1pm......... weird vibes weird energy today something strange is in the air
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Me: I couldn’t possibly have experienced derealization!
Me: *looks up definition of derealization* Well, shit.
#arden speaks#neurodivergent#derealization#I constantly have moments where the world around me doesn’t feel real#it makes so much more sense now!
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I dont remember well- nvm.
B said smth and it kinda somehow caused... *ig* derealization?
He asked what he should order to eat, general question instead of what to get from a specific place.
Idk, something about it made me just. "Oh, reality. Thats a thing. It doesnt feel *real* tho." Like it feels like a fucking game or just shit from a story or some shit.
I begin to wonder if I've ever faced reality truly and fully in my life. If there will ever be a time I can see it and believe it and not end up in an existential crisis over it.
#sepiasys.txt#I don't know if I know what either depersonalization or derealization feels like#they say it's a disconnect but I always see it as it feels strange in some way.#Usually there's moments where I'm hyper aware of either of these things; myself or my reality. It's unpleasant :(#I think by saying things feel unreal is going to be the closest because yeah reality feels unreal; the concept of myself feel unreal.#Idk these are weird. I'm gonna try and nap :( I'm really cold.#I also have a headache :(#What would be the opposite of dissociation? How do you connect to reality and yourself and not have a crisis?#I dont get it. words versus experiences versus concepts are weird.#Added to the List of Things I Don't Understand
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Oh yeah I pirated Inside Out 2 and it's a good movie. But also I'm a huge sap for the idea that there's little guys in your head who love you for who you are which makes me ummmmm super sobby which is kinda dumb but whatever. Like wow even after all the horrid shit I've done... there's some guys who are like "That doesn't define you... show with actions not words that you are a better person now. Recovery isn't linear" and I'm like wow you're so right people in my head.... thank you for loving me.... anyways
#rambling#like theres a ton of stuff i dont talk about to other people#it stays in my head#sooo many mental health issues AND physical issues that i dont really tell anyone#like the guys in my head do know about this. and they understand why i cant do what i used to do#unlike those around me#and they are patient. and dont go 'but if you set your mind to it you can do aaanything!!!'#like sometimes im in so much pain i can barely think. hows that.#and the guys in my head are like 'even if you sleep all day cause of the pain we still love you'#and everyone outside is like 'actually you have to do things all the time even when you dont want to'#LIKE I CANT ACTUALLY DO IT. but they understand...#the guys in my head are understanding. i neeeed someone like that in real life man#i cant make up more shit to make me feel better if i do that any more ill have another derealization moment#hopefully it wont last a whole year like my last one
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going back and forth on the notion of writing this thing as if it were actually aimed at a younger audience versus writing for an older audience who might resonate with experiences of liminality... so far leaning towards the latter... which means i can probably lean further into the heavier elements if i wanted to... much to consider
#technically violating the restrictions i set for myself during Writing Break but baby steps...#i'm not Writing TM i'm pondering it...#'target audience' options: me as a teenager or me now#yaad's life is a special nightmare he is a little gingerbread man in a little gingerbread house#imagine having to deal with a 4ft precocious motherfucker in a jinglefit who's majorly abnormal about your lolo no wonder he's suicidal#yaad the Designated Grownup... poor little old man...#and thistle tries so hard to position himself as the adult when he has no real business doing that#so we get this interplay of responsibility and deference going which is sad but also. kind of funny#just two-way 'why is my future in your hands you are a Baby' and 'no no i'm the grownup it's my turn to bear the horrors'#where moments of vulnerability have this added layer of discomfort due to that dynamic#main reason i set this in an au aside from heehee fairytale framing is that tbh if yaad was adamant that thistle can't be reasoned with#and he's been living under the guy's foot for centuries...#i mean he's got to be a competent enough diplomat to hold the fort for laios postcanon and he's shown enough compassion towards thistle#that i'm convinced he's tried and failed before. probs couldn't get him to care abt anyone beyond their relation to delgal#including yaad himself#au where thistle isn't directly involved w the family though? distanced enough that he's actively trying to secure his place? leverage <3#^ all of this COMPLETELY unrelated to the main body of the post skjfhk just a bunch of rambly sticky notes#haven't actually talked abt the heavier elements uhhh idk. derealization. passive suicidality. you get it#maybe some subtle trans + aspec coding just for me. it's about The Liminality#roomba writes#i should extend my break i think all that counts as violating the restrictions na SHKHFSJK
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The fact that people are genuinely asking "is this real?" about obviously photoshopped shitposts and begging for them to be tagged "unreality" is extremely concerning. If people are begging for this because "omg it's gonna make me have a derealization episode" that's not what derealization is and not learning (seemingly outright refusing) how to distinguish when something is real--ESPECIALLY news--is incredibly dangerous.
Seriously, people are getting upset over "the bean freaking melted!" and asking "is this real?" is horrific.
#advanced deltawave#I had derealization episodes a lot both in and in the months after I was released from the hospital when my brain got mangled.#It's not panicking over obviously fake shitposts involving reality--it's suddenly having the world seem... fake.#It's hard to explain. It always happened to me suddenly. Whenever this happened it was like ''seeing the matrix''#I described it to my psychologist as ''feeling like I'm seeing a videogame through the eyes of the developer''#As lines of code and data informing positioning and collision boxes and other things like that. I'd just... stare and maybe cry#This didn't make me believe things like ''omg the statue of liberty smacked a huge mosquito with her book like five minutes ago''#It made me feel like everything was fake. If my life was a movie those would have been dolly zoom moments
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no u know what…..working in theatre is a little like purgatory
#dont rb#im just tired and we have to do this AGAIN??#im nkt even the actor and i want to die#i think im having a derealization moment rn tho like im not in my body but im physically here AGAIN
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i haven't been able to get outside much lately, i used to always try to take at least one walk a day
i really miss it, especially the evening walks along barely or unlit paths
one of the reasons i prefer not to wear my glasses (most of the time) is that it gives the world comfortable fuzzy edges
i don't have to see the dirt, the grime, the sharp details, it all sinks into a familiar blur
it's not surprising then, that i prefer walking at night, without clear vision, because it allows everything to meld together
i don't have to worry about anything
sometimes i find myself surrounded completely by the black, and i have to grope around to find my way, or squint to catch even the tiniest bit of reflected light
and sometimes that has scared me (due to believing in things, as i do)
but i like that fear
it can feel almost like sensory deprivation when i listen to certain ambience as i walk, makes me feel like i'm entering another world entirely
it's a full body sensation- my limbs will begin tingling, everything feels light and floaty, like walking through a heavy cloud
nothing feels real anymore
i like losing myself in that
i miss it a lot
#personal#ngl it's self imposed derealization but in a weird way it can become a huge comfort#because if nothing is real.. or doesn't feel real.. even for the briefest of moments. i don't have to worry about how everything hurts#or how existing in this world feels#making a resolution to take a walk tonight#i should maybe be less unbothered about walking alone through the dark at night while unaware of how much noise i'm making#thankfully it's quiet here..#seeing clearly sometimes is nice don't get me wrong#like when i'm trying to spot a bird#there`s a lot of beautiful detail that gets lost on me#i've tried contacts but i always give up after a short time because it's so overwhelming#and my eyes keep unfocusing to set into what feels familiar
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