#they are swiftie gays they just don’t know it yet

[personthattoleratesme]

If they go to the eras tour, the whole time they'll be like is this play about us

Honestly, they’re gonna be wondering if their 2 min meeting back in 2013 affected her more than they realized cause she’s been writing about them ever since

I’m just picturing them very adorably swaying to lover together, singing love story to each other, dan feeling very called out by mastermind, they would have a blast I know it

[emo-batboy]

i'd like the chart thanks!

Also, there's another person who wants to rp Leo, can they?

Okay a few people are asking for the chart so here’s the current chart!! (I took out some characters that are still not as fleshed out. That includes Nathan, Ria, Nina, Ashley, Zoe, Ray, Maggie, and the hater and Metropolis characters, but they’re all filler characters rn)

A Wild Battinson Character Lore Continuity

- Felicity

- Oldest of the bunch, right between Millennial and Gen Z

- Works at an office, besties with everyone there. Corporate girlie (does use the term girlboss)

- Like if a Gothamite/Bruce Wayne fan was swiftie-coded?

- She has a pet pitbull, you know that kind of white girl

- Tatum

- Goth U, Comp Sci major

- Keeps everyone he knows online at arms length so we don’t know much, has a small close knit friend group irl but he’s also mutuals with everybody on twitter because he’s that kinda guy yk?

- But they’re slowly convincing him. He’s getting there

- Marzia

- Oh god poor Marzia

- Italian, born in Northern Italy, English is her second language but you wouldn’t be able to tell if it weren’t for her slight accent

- Biggest Bruce Wayne stan, will go feral, but only gets replies from him at the worst moments possible

- *snorts like cocaine* “Please don’t do cocaine” is my personal favorite

- Goth U, she gives art major vibes but tacked on a double major in psychology last minute so now she’s staying a fifth year

- Reads smut, writes smut, part of the poetry club, def on booktok, you know the type

- Alejandro

- Runs an ice cream stand in the park on the weekends when it’s warm enough

- Bi, Dating Leo (pfp is them holding hands because he’s a whipped son of a bitch)

- He’s like if that normal-looking kind of athletic guy who always wore sweatshirts and basketball shorts to class just suddenly mentioned he had a boyfriend one day.

- He’s straight-coded but more specifically “the straight guy that gay guys have crushes on against their better judgement”-coded

- Knew the whole time he was bi but never REALLY liked a guy until Leo 🥺. whenever he looks at Leo, he’s got those madly in love eyes

- Thinks Batman is hot and suffers constant torment from Leo (who has a crush on Bruce) because of it

- Ale just wants to be bench pressed is that too much to ask? But It’s his fault he’s a twunk dating a twink so—

- Goth U, Really interested in tech stuff but he’s actually a sports medicine major. He wants to be a physical therapist for athletes

- Cannot hold his liquor

- Smile Watch

- Who knows

- It’s a mystery

- Lela

- Goth Girl

- BFF’s with Nico (goth girl, e-boy solidarity)

- Also good friends with Natalie, they lined up all their gen Ed’s together

- Chill in a Morticia Addams kinda way. She is Morticia Addams actually

- Mom owns a convenience store, she helps out after classes a lot

- Studied for the MCAT, did pretty well, she wants to be a doctor (probably neurosurgeon but it depends on what internship she gets)

- Currently completing the undergrad to grad program at Goth University with a masters in public health

- Natalie

- Former intern, now ASSISTANT at Wayne Press

- Got the job because she impressed Bruce with her good reporting skills, now works mostly on organizing press releases and maintaining Bruce’s public image

- Great at her job because she knows social media and Bruce Wayne Stans the best (she is one obv)

- (Babysits Bruce when Alfred is busy, how did this happen, why is this her job now? She’s tired of his shit lol)

- Still technically working part-time because she hasn’t gotten her degree yet, but she’s set to work full time after she graduates Goth U in May

- Sometimes while sitting at her desk she just gets that perspective shift where she’s like “how did I get here” Bruce Wayne Stans’ dreams do come true

- Caleb 🤡

- Literally 18/19 but aging faster than humanly possible with the stress he’s under

- Used to work at Bat Burger, left because the babysitting gig required more time

- Lives with his aunt who’s already retired (used to live alone, she never had kids or a husband so she’s loaded) He’s staying cuz his parents are super busy and travel for work :) and guess what crime-filled alley their window overlooks? I’ll give you one guess

- Babysits Tim, used to be a less serious gig but his parents have been out of town a lot lately (just vacationing without their child 🙄) and thankfully Caleb lives right across from their swanky apartment so he’s practically a nanny now (read: older sibling/third parent)

- Took a ton of childcare courses for this job and now he’s kind of interested in working at a daycare maybe? If Tim doesn’t kill him in his sleep first

- Recently graduated Goth High, now takes online classes at Goth Community College while deciding what to do with his life

- Jarod

- Recently graduated Goth High, now taking a gap year before starting GothU in the fall. Him and Caleb were always in the same classes so they’re super close (they’re the youngest)

- Future Comp Sci/English major (he wants to be a video game writer)

- Has a younger sister, and technically the oldest child but spiritually he’s the middle child.

- His parents and Priyanka’s parents are close friends so he kind of grew up seeing Priyanka as an older sister. That’s why they’re Like That.

- Literally so fed up with Priyanka, it’s not even funny (yes it is) but the second you’re rude to Priyanka, he will deck you, watch yourself

- Katie (Sweater Thief)

- ER Nurse at Gotham General Hospital, mostly does night shifts

- Gives chronically online energy when she’s online, but everyone in real life wouldn’t suspect a thing because she’s so good at having her life together (the code switch will give you whiplash)

- Surprisingly older than most of the others despite being Like That.

- Literally graduated with a 4.2 GPA how tf?

- BFF’s with Leo then became BFF’s with Ale too after they started dating (she is slowly corrupting Ale and I think that’s beautiful)

- Creator of the Babygirl Bruce Wayne Agenda and PROUD

- Priyanka

- Works at coffee shop owned by her mom called Caffe Mood. She plans to run it one day. Currently a barista

- Goth U, business major (accounting)

- Bilingual, knows Hindi

- LESBIAN QUEEN

- Despite being gay, She is allowed to think Bruce Wayne is hot, that is her Right

- Mad fucking crush on Georgia, calls her Georgie. Intends to never tell a soul. Will fail miserably

- Dead fucking set on the idea that Batman’s a vampire

- But she thinks everyone’s a vampire so—

- Her parents and Jarod’s parents are close friends so she kind of grew up seeing Jarod as a younger brother. That’s why they’re Like That

- Jarod is constantly on her nerves, wtf Jarod (but be mean to him and she’ll kill you)

- Leo

- Works at bookstore called Gotham City Bookstore

- Gay, Dating Alejandro

- Twink (derogatory)

- Swears his gaydar is the most accurate there is (always wrong)

- Made being gay his entire personality because he had an identity crisis in middle school and proceeded to have a massive crush on some straight guy all of high school (that guy was Ale, Leo’s gaydar is so off)

- BFF’s with Katie despite being a few years younger. They were in a high school production of Sweeney Todd together and the rest was history

- Calls every single celebrity gay as a joke, Ale reigns him in if he’s getting too out of hand

- Used to have a mad celebrity crush on Bruce, still kinda (definitely) does

- Attends GothU, undecided for a while but ultimately settled on mathematics because it’s ironically his best subject

- One of those mf’s that needs to be held back at all costs, god help Ale

- Rose 🌹

- Works a tailoring job full time

- Good friends with Felicity, she’s like the black cat to Felicity’s golden retriever

- 70% super nice and chill, 30% wild card party girl

- Gets drinks with friends a lot, tweets when drunk but no one can tell the difference. It’s amazing

- Does not seem horny, is horny. But like normal about it? If that’s a thing

- Nico

- Kinda plays the straight man of the group if the straight man was emo

- BFF’s with Lela (e-boy, goth girl solidarity)

- KING of twitter roasts. He makes memes to end lives.

- Pansexual, single, and probably writing bad poetry in his diary about it but don’t tell anyone

- Goth U, actually dunno the major. Probs public health with Lela but doesn’t want to be a doctor. More like research parallel to social sciences

- Has a 8/9yo sister named Madelaine whom he would die for despite not expecting to be an older brother so late in the game (what were his parents thinking)

- Has tea parties with her and all that jazz. She steals his eyeliner and chain accessories all the time, also she’s friends with Dick and Barbie (yes, Barbara Gordon) so sometimes he watches over their play dates

- He’s a “tough emo boy” so he totally doesn’t laugh at Madelaine’s puns. He’s a bitch ass liar

- Kellyanne

- GothU, marine biology. Transferred from GCCC with an associates degree to save money but now she’s got a full ride cuz of the WE higher education fund

- More recent Bruce Stan

- Pretty poor upbringing, that’s how she met Bruce Wayne. He bought her whole family groceries one night after her card declined at the convenience store trying to buy dinner

- Now she’s in it for the long haul :)

- Lia

- GothU, fashion merchandising

- A GIRL’S GIRL

- Older sister also attends Goth U, but she’s in med school

- More recent Bruce Wayne stan, still not particularly in with the culture and jokes but getting there

- Friends with Georgia and Elizabeth irl. Elizabeth was in the same sorority before graduating first. Got to know Georgia after Lia found her dog with Bruce at the park outside GothU. They party together now

- Elizabeth

- Graduated GothU last May and worked an internship at LexCorp, immediately regretted it but snagged a job at WE (thank god)

- Now works as a research assistant at Wayne Tech in the R&D department for commercial products

- Didn’t really get the whole Bruce Wayne Stan thing until Bruce Wayne personally wished her a happy birthday?? The man is so sweet?

- Absolutely loves her job but still screams at rubber ducks over faulty code in her little cubicle, but that’s the industry she chose so it’s a give and take

- Met Natalie through Stan twitter and now they DM each other about working at Wayne Enterprises

- Doesn’t post much on twitter but follows the main Bruce Stan accounts, irl friends with Lia and Georgia

- Georgia

- Has a dog named Bean

- GothU, majoring in like three languages, polyglot (including Hindi 😏)

- Works at a retail home decor kinda store (home goods?)

- So lesbian-coded, but does not know it yet. Priyanka is her gay awakening. She is now a regular at Caffe Mood (She thinks she just likes the coffee (yeah right))

- Works at Goth U’s admissions department over the summer too

- Once got drunk and locked herself onto a roof by accident, ended up hanging out with Batman (he offered to break into her apartment for her but she said “nah”)

- Jane

- Works at Wayne Enterprises

- Runs bring your kid to work day (idk what her actual job is but she’s an Essential Worker, okay?)

- Very sweet, 10/10, looks on the bright side but never in a toxic positivity way

- Super social too, became work friends with Bruce because she’s nice but not draining to his social battery? They have lunch on occasion

- Watched the Graysons die with Bruce, call that trauma bonding

- Watched her toxic ex’s car burn to a crisp after a joker spree and took a selfie with it (she can have a little revenge, as a treat)

[butdaddyiloveh3r]

opinion time, maybe it's because I'm Gaylor I see it this way. But it absolutely confuses and boggles my mind at some swifties who believe absurd theories. I'm talking about all the rep tv theories people come up with. These theories are so mathematical and unbelievable. When they predict she’ll announce it on this date, which has happened many times now, and well it never happens. They literally will say “oh the moons aligning with Venus, so this means rep tv is coming”. Every rep tv theory or even any theory about new music of hers or debut tv are such reaches. What annoys me about this is they are convinced rep tv or ts12 is coming because of these theories which often use math and equations. but God forbid she leaves simple easter eggs that she is queer, because apparently that is so unbelievable. Or maybe it just doesn't fit their narrative of her. Taylor has been so loud about her pride for years, does queer flagging which apparently to some are just colors, nothing important. But these fans know she uses clothing for easter eggs and clues, and if she wears black or snake print, they immediately say rep tv. But when she wears a bisexual wig or a lesbian dress, that doesn't mean anything. It pains me to see people ignore her being queer when she makes it so obvious.

Another thing is when she references anything historical, or a piece of literature, or a famous poet, they call her a mastermind. They also do this when she leaves easter eggs. But when she uses queer history as ways to hint her queerness, that's apparently so absurd. using queer flags and colors to show she's gay, they simply don’t believe that she would use that much historical context, or they will say she just likes rainbows. Any gay person will recognize queer elements that she leaves for us to recognize. So, it really baffle's me when they believe she can reference old poems and people but can't reference queer history. Because maybe just maybe they can't admit she is gay, so they make excuses and ignore it. Taylor is incredibly smart, so yes, she does references lots of old literature but also lots of queer history, that's what makes her a mastermind. I've quite literally seen people flip the gay references and easter eggs to something that its Cleary not to fit the narrative they have made for her. Or when she uses easter eggs that are explicitly gay they will say that Gaylor's are reaching yet their own gullible selves believe every theory about her that doesn’t include that fact that she is queer.

“I gave so many signs” - Taylor swift Exile

[pinkorchidsinspring]

Why is no one talking about how Taylor named herself “chairman of the tortured poets society”?

Don’t swifties see that if not her sexuality- Taylor has been tortured by something, internally, externally even?

What could a white billionaire such as the Taylor Swift be tortured by?

I’d go as far as to connect it to the lakes:

A SONG WHERE SHE LITERALLY SAYS:

Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die

And then proceeds to list all the reasons she wants to go to the lakes?

The hunters with 📱 cellphones

Sounds a lot like the fans… specifically the ones who don’t know when to stop, and think that they have an invite to criticize her body, and sexualize her friends, and write headlines like “Do you have to be a supermodel with a**ets to be in Taylor’s circle?”. She’s tired of the dissecting, of the sheer inability of these people to ignore any queer references she makes in her art, in order to benefit their ice queen sl*t! Narrative of her.

She doesn’t belong in this society, much like the poets before her.

This homophobic society that will rip apart anyone who pushes the boundaries. That will make any snide remarks possible if she came out, like “for a queer woman” at award ceremonies, or reduce her to her body if they can’t hate on her art.

Her beloved doesn’t belong in this society either

I wonder why her beloved doesn’t belong in this patriarchal, set-up-for-straight-white-males society if he’s a straight white male? “Oh he’s more sensitive than other men”… or Maybe her beloved is a gay woman…🧍‍♀️

Old issues that should be over, have burrowed under her skin, and now hurt her in heart stopping waves of hurt

I don’t even need to say anything about this one.

Name dropping sleezes who tell her what her words are worth

Whether this is a direct reference to Kanye, and scooter, or just in general people who do this. Seems like she’s speaking against the people who tell her what her words are worth… after all, shade never made anybody less gay…

She wants auroras and sad prose

Are none of you getting yet that she’s got a lovely woe is me closeted lesbian thing going on here?

She wants wisteria to grow over her bare feet, because she hasn’t moved in years, and she wants her muse right by her side when it’s growing.

Open your eyes. She wants her muse to be standing by her side WHEN THE WISTERIA GROWS, does that sound like someone who is allowed to stand next to who she wants to on a red carpet without judgement?! Oh and by the way @sunshineheist brought to my attention that wisteria and lavender grow all over the mountains in Big Sur. She’s just writing songs about her mortal enemies though. Obviously.

In conclusion, this is no consequence:

[antitheticaldreamgirl-13]

tw: I’m horrible at trigger warnings and am not good at wording them, but just know that I discuss a lot of really frustrating and harmful points made by Hetlors and horrible insults directed at Gaylors. Take care of yourselves.

Alright folks the time has arrived to cry and sob and scream about Hetlors, specifically the Swiftologist. His reaction video to the NYT article: https://youtu.be/9Pd9KWKKxfE?si=ByMrJSbyNJOD1T3t

I’m going to go through each of his points and point out the flaws of such points.

*gets out notes*

Okay, so. The first thing he does is call Gaylors conspiracy theorists. Anything Gaylor-related is a conspiracy theory, in his view. Not only that, it’s a conspiracy theory comparable to QAnon and other far-right conspiracy theories, a conspiracy theory with “no merit or factual basis,” a conspiracy theory that is “delusional” and “meth math.” Gaylor theories are “based on misinformation and false beliefs,” according to him.

Whew. This is a very strong reaction. First of all, comparing Gaylor to QAnon is so ridiculous. I mean. Come on. Really? Second, we know that Gaylor theories do have evidence. There is so much, even just within that article. I reblogged just before this a list of all the evidence made in the article. Also, what is the “misinformation” that he mentions? Gaylors just point out the evidence that we have and let people draw their own conclusions. We aren’t misrepresenting anything (most of us, anyway).

Alright let’s continue. Swiftologist then argues that Gaylors have a distrust of the narrative Taylor has created and the “many times she has stated she is not part of the community.” Gaylors apparently do not respect Taylor or her songs and aren’t really Swifties at all—just people who are trying to prove that she is gay.

Okay I really want to know this….WHAT ARE THE MANY TIMES SHE HAS SAID THAT SHE IS NOT PART OF COMMUNITY?! SHOW THEM TO ME! She said that once. *Once*. And that still doesn’t mean she is saying that she is straight. Furthermore, we do trust Taylor. If she says she’s straight, we’ll believe it. I mean we’re the ones looking at all the tiny details of her songs. We’re the ones drawing the connections. Hetlors doesn’t do that, and yet Gaylors are the ones who don’t trust Taylor’s narrative? Like??? What kind of argument is that?

Then he says that Gaylors are trying to out Taylor.

But we aren’t. We really aren’t. We’re just looking at what TAYLOR HERSELF has said and done and connecting the dots. We’re not trying to spy on her personal life or anything like that…we’re literally just looking at her OWN lyrics that SHE put created, knowing what the reaction would be. It’s just. This argument from Hetlors makes me laugh every time.

Okay so THEN he lists a bunch of crazy stuff Gaylors have done. I don’t want to get into them because I agree with the Swiftologist that they were crazy. But, at the same time, it’s not like you can blame the entire Gaylor community for a few Gaylors’ actions and use that to debunk Gaylor theories. That’s just not how it works.

He continues by listing different…logical fallacies you might call them? Different things that are common with conspiracy theories: false pattern recognition, confirmation bias, etc. I won’t get into that right now, but this is a large part of his argument later, so keep that in mind.

He makes a critique of the way the article compares Taylor to Chely Wright. He says it’s a “false equivalency.”

I would say that the author, Anna Marks, was simply pointing out an example of closeting and the effects of staying in the closet on one’s mental and emotional health and an example of coming out and the effects of coming out. I personally don’t think she was saying that Taylor is very similar to Wright…

Then Swiftologist talks about some Gaylor evidence presented in the article. He doesn’t actually give a reason for why they are unconvinced but simply states that it is “so delusional to me that people think this is true.”

He mentions the YNTCD music video and claims that only a straight person could have made it and that it was cringey and even that it portrayed LGBTQ+ in such a stereotypical way that it was “deeply offensive.” I mean. It was definitely cringey. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that only a straight person could have made it. It’s honestly just so odd that he attacks Gaylor theories for their lack of “merit or factual basis,” and yet he literally uses the cringy-ness of a music video to say that Taylor must be straight? I know it was largely a joke, but he was also serious, and for some reason it just bugged me.

Marks talks about how the YNTCD song and music video were mostly perceived as performative allyship but she raises the question of whatever they were genuinely expressing herself. Swiftologist responds to this by saying that this is a false binary (performative allyship vs. Taylor is gay) , but I don’t really think so. If Taylor is straight and she wrote that song and made that video, she probably came at it from a decent place, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t performative. (Honestly if Taylor is straight, a lot of the stuff that she’s done I would consider to be very iffy, so I think Marks raises a good point here.)

Swiftologist then goes on another rant about Gaylors, asking why they don’t just believe Taylor and literally calling them “delusional 9/1 truthers.” Look, I get that he’s upset, but he doesn’t have to insult and name-call and be generally immature. As Taylor would say, why you gotta be so mean?

He continues to simply state that all the evidence provided is not proof and that Gaylor theories are delusional, but he does also say that the Cruel Summer lyrics—“I don’t wanna keep secret just to keep you”—could easily be explained by the fact that Taylor CHEATED ON JOE and/or was desperately avoiding the paparazzi.

Like. Lemme get this straight. He would rather that Taylor be a *cheater* than be gay? He thinks that saying she is a cheater is perfectly fine but saying that she might be gay isn’t. I have no words.

*manages to regain my bearings*

Alright, so then Swiftologist (oh my god I just realized that I could simply call him by his real name, Zach, instead of typing out that long name, but now I’m committed) says that he has an OPEN MIND and is open to different interpretations versus the author of the article, who is a “crazy person,” who is completely close minded, apparently. He says, “point me to one piece of solid evidence in this article.” He then continues with his point about open-mindedness, saying that he agrees that Taylor songs COULD be about women (they probably aren’t, but there is a potential there) and because he believes that it means he is a generous and intellectual and open-minded human being, according to him. But Anna Marks, on the other hand, like all other Gaylors, is *completely* close-minded and has not even THOUGHT of the possibility that Taylor could be straight.

Like jeez. Does Swiftologist not see the hilarity of this argument? I”m seriously starting to lose it.

In fact, I’m going to take a break and continue where I left off in the morning. I don’t even have the energy to revise this so hopefully there are no glaring mistakes.

Thanks so much for anybody who read this! Have a great morning/afternoon/night!

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

It's a movie now...🎥

Well, I've gone through the motions a little after this cringey stunt show last night, mostly because my skin physically prickled from how embarrassing this was and how glad I am that I escaped witnessing it by two days. It’s obviously a performance but what the hell is it for?? If it’s just a money grab for the NFL I’m really annoyed with Taylor for making the internet yet again a hostile place for anyone who dares to apply even an ounce of criticality to it.

But then I saw that photo that circulated of Travis and Ross holding hands backstage in Sydney and thought...maybe there is a point to this. Maybe whatever they're working on together is actually going to change the world for the better. Or am I deluding myself with false hope? Apparently he played the camp so well that the question ‘is Travis gay?’ Is now circulating on twitter. Why would he risk that…?

But he wants to be an actor, she wants revenge for 20 years of closeting. The biggest popstar in the world right now and a Super Bowl winning NFL player... imagine the impact that would have for the rest of forever 🤯🤯 I don’t know if I believe Miss 'Dont-upset-the-applecart-even-if-people-are-being-harressed-in-your-name' Swift would actually have the guts to do something so big it would outrage not only the industry bosses she's gunning for, but also make a mockery of her gullible swiftie fanbase. But God knows they deserve to be mocked.

I know some gaylors are happy because it confirmed the performance art, some are upset because she gave this shit show a greater platform yet again and we don’t know what for. (At least there was no sweaty smootching 🤢) I’m somewhere in the middle, but however you feel about it, it’s valid. Let’s hope this was the last of it.

[bisluthq]

I feel like especially Taylor’s circle is really tight and wouldn’t tell her inner thoughts? I could’ve gone the way that the “source” described it, I have no way to dispute them, but something like “he told her to give their relationship another try in January” would mean that his inner circle knew before that date and there’s no way they’re telling this story now after more than a year of their breakup. If this had come out last year or at least before ttpd I would’ve believed it immediately, but now the timing seems off and gives clout chasing. His inner circle too seems really tight, all of them could’ve said a lot of things last year or before ttpd yet they chose to stay silent. I feel like if he doesn’t put his thoughts into music will most likely never know his version and we already know Taylor’s version of the story so the rest feels like the random submissions people were sending deuxmoi last year

yea. It’s also hella convenient that he suggested they give the relationship a try on the one date we have them hanging out publicly lol but they only remembered about all this now. What a fucking fortunate koinkydink lmao for the London based “source”.

again, none of it sounds like it can’t be true but good guesses/decent headcanoning doesn’t require intimate knowledge of the situation and it seems unlikely that this person had such intimate knowledge iykwim.

as I always say idk like judge the thing in context: the odds of someone being close enough to Taylor to KNOW all that and not only talk, which seems unlikely, but talk to a random podcast are very fucking low.

I also HATE “this person lives in X so they’d know” sources lmao. London is a fuck off big city. Even North London is not small. I have multiple friends who live in that general area. I don’t think any of them have the faintest clue what went down between Matty/Taylor/Joe. My one friend who lives there is a big Swiftie and when they moved there she used to post things about looking for Taylor and Joe out and about but she hasn’t afaik even seen either lmao yet. She saw Taylor at Wembley obviously but not out and about and not for lack of looking.

It’s like idk I don’t know what’s going on with my neighbors tbh even though I’ve met all of them. If the people across the road from me are getting a divorce, I don’t have a clue. They seem fine but idk lol what their deal is. If the gay guy next door is moving someone in, I don’t have a fucking clue lol - he seems chronically single like historically but he has people round obviously so idk maybe he does have a boyfriend or a fuck buddy or some shit. No clue. We’re a corner property so those are our only two direct neighbors and I talk to them all once a week or so and say hi and stuff when we take the rubbish out but idk what’s going on. I’m sure that’s true for most of you too. So it’s odd to me to be like “well X lives in that city so they’d know” lol. I live next door to these people and I don’t know what their deals are that well because they’re not really my friends lol they’re just people I live next door to. I know the people across the road are married and have kids and I’ve met them all and I know the guy next door is an old gay guy with a German shepherd he really loves who lets a room out sometimes (he had this one super annoying tenant whose cat kept getting stuck in my garden idk if the cat was trying to get away from the dog) but that’s like p much the extent of my tea on my neighbors.

[aizenat]

People writing long diatribes about the US elections need to shut the fuck up forever imo, don’t care who that offends. Like 1) you’re on the gay and/or female majority site where most ppl here are liberals. Of course we’re voting for Kamala, like stfu. Over half the “vote third party/don’t vote in protest” ppl are Russian bots, as this happens every election now due to its success in 2016. And the rest are either too young to vote or are trolls.

But more importantly, 2) the issue isn’t about who to vote for, but about getting out to vote period. Elections in America are mostly an issue of turnout, not who to vote for. Most Americans are liberal or at least are more aligned with the Democratic Party. The problem is just many don’t care or don’t see the point in voting. Or they have circumstances that make voting such an inconvenience that they just forgo it. It’s fucked up, but the issue is really about encouraging ppl to get out and vote. Not really convincing people to vote for one person over another.

Ppl weren’t excited to vote for Biden. Despite polls, I truly believe Biden still would have won because we saw last election that ppl will turn out to vote AGAINST someone like Trump. But it would be close (like it was last time) and a bit harder because this time, everyone in the country isn’t automatically getting mail in ballots due to is not being in lockdowns anymore (the mail in ballots were overwhelmingly for Biden; which makes sense as democrats/liberals were more likely to take Covid restrictions seriously and this wouldn’t want to stand in line in crowds to vote). My point being the fear was that not enough ppl will show up to vote AGAINST someone like trump if they don’t have someone they were excited to vote FOR. You see it with Trump supporters: they turn out in record numbers every time. You get more turnout when ppl are excited to vote FOR someone rather than against someone else.

And that’s why Kamala is so exciting. Taylor Swift said to vote and there were immediately hundreds of thousands of swifties, mostly young people, who registered to vote within 24 hours. Fox News keeps running segments freaking out about Taylor possibly supporting Kamala (since she hasn’t publicly said anything yet, I’m speculating she’s going to appear at the dnc, but we’ll see lol. Could be wishful thinking), telling Taylor to focus on performing instead of politics (though it’s fine for them for kid rock, hulk hogan, and amber rose, as well as streamers and influencers like adin ross and keemstar and the paul brothers to wear maga hats while streaming and share their support of trump publicly to their millions of fans and viewers). But the reason that bothers them because those young people who, lbr, aren’t already registered and ready to vote were likely not going to vote at all. But because Taylor said to vote, now they will. And republicans know young people, ESPECIALLY young women, do not like their policies and will vote against them. And if people who were going to stay home decide to come out and vote, that means they’re more likely to vote blue. And that means they’ll lose.

That’s why research shows positive Kamala ads work better than negative ads about Trump. The more ppl see from Kamala and Tim, the more they like them. And the more motivated they are to vote. Poll after poll shows people are excited to vote. People who weren’t previously are now back in play. And all signs point to that indicating they’re going to vote Harris-Walz. Because when you get ppl excited to vote, they often vote left! It happens in 2008 with Obama. It happened in 2018 and 2022 in our midterm elections where Democrats outperformed expectations, in midterm elections where turnout was much higher than typical turnout for those elections. It happened in 2020 when turnout rates hit record highs in the us. It will likely happen again this time too.

It’s all about getting ppl, ESPECIALLY YOUNG PEOPLE, out to vote. And ppl outside American writing sanctimonious posts about who we should vote for need to stfu. Yall don’t understand our politics nearly as much as you think you do. And idk who’s feelings this hurts but Americans don’t care about foreign policy. And yes it’s by design and yes we should, but again 1) on this site, your preaching to the choir because WE’RE the few Americans who do care and 2) yall aren’t even making the foreign policy argument in a way to get these careless Americans to care. Americans are super individualistic, so they’re going to think foreign issues are YALLS issue to work out. “We got enough problems of our own to be worried about the rest of the world.” This is verbatim what I hear almost every time I try to talk to a regular American about foreign policy. They just don’t fucking care.

And you can bitch and moan about how selfish that is but bitching and moaning isn’t going to make us care lol. A much better way to frame it is “do you want your tax dollars to go to bombing kids in Gaza or feeding American children in schools? Should we be funding other countries’ wars or using tax dollars to bring down housing and food costs and expanding social security and healthcare?” THAT is a much better argument to actually get people to care a BIT about what we’re doing outside the country. Americans are very concerned about money and finances rn, and so THAT will make them more concerned about how the US is using the taxes we pay. An America that spends more money on housing, education, infrastructure, and healthcare isn’t going to have that much more to fight proxy wars in Europe and the Middle East.

And again, if yall folks understood Americans and American politics, yall would understand that. But yall don’t. So, I ask one last time, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO? If you’re not American, stfu about our politics. Just share the memes and joke about being coconut pilled and keep it light. Because THAT shit is working more than any self aggrandizing “yall are so stupid if you don’t vote for Kamala” posts no one asked for or needed to see. You’re convincing ZERO (0) people to vote and vote blue with that. It’s just for you to feel superior and Americans REALLY hate people, especially non Americans, who talk down to them. You’re more likely to convince ppl not to vote just to spite you (Americans are real good at throwing the baby out with the bath water lol), so, again, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Sincerely, an American who had been overly invested in politics for literally two decades, even as a middle school student, who is tired of being talked down to by people who don’t even know what an electoral college is, or anything about how American politics work. Thanks.

[whatiwillsay]

little bit of possible tea?

there are rumours circling from todrick halls former manager Tommy Italiano, that todrick was speaking negatively on taylor and allegedly there is a video that has yet to be leaked of him saying those things. I wonder, as his manager said that he was coming forward to basically warn taylor/swifties.

I personally wouldn’t warn people about a video of someone just saying oh she’s this or she’s that…i would warn someone if it had the potential of outing someone.

had me thinking. Todrick was heavily involved with taylor during the end of rep and obviously lover era. Given that rainbow christian siriano dress conspiracy, todrick being in the yntcd video…Maybe he knew about a possible coming out or something to do with that and was dragging her for potentially having this Gay ally era and then not going through with coming out.

maybe it wasn’t shit talking, but talking about her coming out. or both. little of a crack theory maybe, but if you’ve heard, i wonder what your thoughts are?

Tommy also went on to mention easter eggs and how todrick apparently likes the wizard of oz & then the karma music video (i doubt it was in reference to todrick. but his manager is a a man so maybe he just doesn’t get it) it’s plausible.

I will say…maybe he threw that in to draw attention to the easter eggs from the yntcd music video about taylor being bi/queer. to kind of hint at the subject matter of the alleged video of todrick.

these are not the only rumours/allegations against todrick at the moment.

Anyway, it’s on his tiktok (tommy italiano) f you’d like to look yourself. I think this could be entirely plausible.

He could just be clout chasing as Taylor is a hot topic right now. I guess we will see.

for the record i am not a LSK and i do not believe joe was a beard—i just believe that she was planning to come out as bi during lover era.

i know someone who knows toderick and as far as i know he didn’t know she was gay so i don’t think he would out her. they weren’t actually that close.

[millennialgenderabolitionist]

The lesbian flag is barely noticeable in the painting, Halie Torris made it as a sort of a flagging for the community like she almost always do and, like it was said before, to reflect the stage lightning. But to address the original post, it’s important to make the distinction that the painting itself doesn’t sexualise Taylor, it is not something she made out of nowhere : as we all know it comes from Taylor looking exactly like that during one specific song of her Eras tour. The sexualising was made by Taylor (which personally I’m not a fan of but that’s the choice she made) and the painting just reflects it, if some Swifties have a problem with it while not being critical of that in her concerts then it makes it super obvious they have a problem with the artist, a sapphic woman who’s growing in popularity because of her Taylor related paintings.

We know from experiences that these people are screaming and fangirling hard when Taylor goes into ���sexy mode” yet the second gay and bi women react as well to it and it’s not suddenly all about enforcing heterosexuality then the hypocrisy comes in and the straight fans don’t like it, making up all sorts of accusations they didn’t have the second before our attention was caught. Yet another time it’s the lesbophobia.

There is a war between fucking hetlors and gaylors rn on stan twitter regarding Halie Torris' vigilante shit oil painting (which is literally perfect btw) and hetlors are mad as fuck that the painting is sexualizing taylor (?) I'm not gonna get into why this makes no sense at all because my fellow gaylors are doing this but let me just talk about the core problem here:

Swifties whether they're straight or queer most of them has this idea of Taylor being a "good girl" and I can't blame them because she tried to paint this picture of herself when she was young, and the way she used to dress and her songs not being explicit or talking about sex (I'm not saying it's wrong but most female artists rely on sexuality for a big part of their art (which is also not wrong at all)) so in their head taylor don't want to be 1% preceived as a sexual being, and while Taylor has changed that idea to the core so_it_goes.mp3 , i believe swifties still think that she's disgusted by being sexualized, it has nothing to do with homophobia in their mind but they have their idea of baby taylor and refuse to believe she's now a grown woman that has sung about sex, is starting to be comfortable in her own body and wants to feel and look sexy, and who's most of her fans are women so she knows she's not being sexualized to the core by them. Just because she's not stripping or singing explicitly about sex doesn't make her the virgin saint of the Vatican that you're not supposed to acknowledge her sexuality?

I'm also not going to talk about how female gaze is 180° different than male gaze but i might add that also part of the early queer experience is you also feel guilty when you sexualize another woman you feel like you're no different than a man when it isn't true but it's just another thing we get to feel guilty about because it's tied to society norms and that we need to learn that it isn't true by time and reading.

[daenerys-targaryen]

idk if this opinion is popular or not but I think TS will never come out and never explicitly talk about her sexuality despite dropping an abundance of hints over the years

Under the cut cause I rambled (again)

You’re gonna get me in so much discourse but I’m really really not the person to go to when it comes to speculation about celebrities sexualities. For Taylor, she’s explicitly said she’s an ally multiple times, has been in multiple long term relationships with men, she’s asked the media (and by extension the world) to stop speculating that she’s dating her friends and for me that includes her female friends. I don’t see the need and desire for Taylor to be lgbt. I’m a gay woman myself and yes, representation is amazing, it matters, but there are already so many other amazing gay / lgbt women in the world so I don’t see the need to have Taylor be lgbt, when she has made it blatantly clear that she is not.

Obviously, I’m not saying she can’t be bi or pan or anything else. Obviously, I’m not saying that lgbt people can’t find lgbt references in her lyrics, I’ve found comfort in some of her songs that I can relate to in terms of lgbt-ness. That doesn’t mean I think she’s secretly gay or secretly bi. That being said, art in itself is supposed to be interpreted in many different ways. That’s what art is supposed to do. Reach people, touch people, comfort people. That doesn’t mean it automatically means that the artist is lgbt themselves, though.

I just find it exceptionally creepy and such an invasion of her privacy to even speculate. I know I have done it myself in the past, but now that I’m no longer a teenager and a young adult I just think it crosses so many boundaries. Not only has she herself asked the world to stop speculating if she’s dating her (male friends), not only has she explicitly stated that she is an ally, but to be lgbt+ in a hetero dominated world is so fucking scary and nerve wracking. Do you know how to feels to be outed? It’s horrifying and you feel like the entire world is caving in around you.

I just really hate speculation that she’s anything other than what she states because while yes she is a 32 year old white woman millionaire it literally puts her in danger because, as you know, being lgbt in a hetero dominated world could get you stalked, harassed and killed. Lil Nas x stated that he had to hire body guards and security after he was outed because people were threatening to harm him. It’s just so not a joke and not something to play with mindlessly online. I don’t understand the need to have Taylor Swift be lgbt when she’s stated she’s not. She might be lying, but who are we to decide if she is or not? Who are we to decide when she should ‘come out’. Maybe I’ve got too much of a parasocial relationship, but I just think it’s such a line to cross like if I were bi or pan and hadn’t come out yet for one reason or another and thousands of people online were just saying I am when I didn’t feel comfortable coming out yet, I have no idea how I would feel. I don’t see ‘hints’ that she’s lgbt, and if there are then I’ll support her if she ‘comes out’.

I keep repeating myself but I just really feel icky about speculating and people saying she’s secretly gay it’s just so mind boggling to me why some people are so hellbent on her being lgbt. It’s why I can’t stand swiftie tik tok, it’s full of all these videos about how she’s secretly gay and it’s just so weird and gross to me I don’t get it. Mayne it’s my own experience with being outed coming through, I don’t know, I just don’t understand the burning obsession with having her be lgbt.

With that being said, and I have to clarify otherwise every person who sees this will be like ‘omg she hates people who speculate�� because people jump to the most dramatic conclusion online. I follow swifties who think she’s lgbt, I am friends with people who think she’s lgbt, it’s just not for me. That’s my stance, that’s my take, I’ve been outed before and it is more horrifying than you could imagine. So, I would just rather respect her own words that she’s an ally and respect that boundary she’s set than disrespect it and out her online or put her in danger. That’s not even just for Taylor, that’s how I view speculating celebrities sexualities / gender identity as a whole. I strongly dislike speculating and vocalizing anything other than what the person themselves has said because if they are lgbt in some way, they clearly don’t feel comfortable / safe / ready for the world to know, and who am I to disagree or out them? You clearly have your own opinion and that’s fine! You’re allowed to have your own opinion just like I’m allowed to have mine. There are no hard feelings and I hope you have a good day!

send me controversial or unpopular opinions and I’ll tell you if I agree or  disagree 🐸 ☕️

[taylortruther]

You know what I find frustrating? There are homophobic swifties who hate when LGBTQ people find comfort in her art. Gaylors will call people homophobic who don’t think Taylor is gay, bi, or a lesbian. That’s not even remotely the same thing, and as a queer person who thinks songs like Ivy have elements that relate queer audiences, gaylor has made it hard for people to separate those two things. I blame homophobes, but I also blame gaylors. They use the word homophobia and hetlor and both those words have no real meaning to them. Maybe the lgbt flavor of my blog brothers gaylors.

JFSDKL the flavor!!

yeah, it's... challenging to discuss gaylor sometimes. i've been called a homophobe because i've said i don't believe in gaylor, but i've also been called a gaylor when i refuse to post homophobic asks. it sucks!

like, there IS homophobia in this community. i've seen it! it's hard to know when people are engaging in discourse about gaylor in good faith.

everyone just assumes the worst of each other tbh. and there's no nuance or layers to the discussions. it's what i've always sought to do on this blog, but i sometimes feel like i'm courting some homophobia simply by having these conversations. because i never know if the person sending me asks is coming at it in good faith or because they just want to bash the queer community. yet, i still want to have the discussions because a lot of the "proof" is just conspiracy theory material and we should be allowed to point that out!

idk this was a ramble. but i get what you mean!

[lilyapolonis]

the love hypothesis: ali hazelwood book review (2/5 ☆☆)

There’s a section in Foyles right as you walk in- bearing a sign with the words “TikTok made me do it!”. That pretty much sums up how, and why I came into possession of this book. 

Truthfully, I wasn’t expecting much- I don’t think that we look at books in that section in the same way that we do Jane Eyre. I wouldn’t have actively sought out or bought this book had there not been A) a disgustingly cheap offer in The Works (A treasure trove for anyone who enjoys contemporary fiction) or B) a certain @virgoswifties on Instagram advertising it relentlessly (I trust her judgement). It’s reputation precedes it* in that it’s not held particularly seriously- more as a light, fun (if a little cheesy) read. It’s reviews are mixed for this reason, but it honestly surprised me. I was expecting much worse. The Bar was admittedly low. Still, there are things that I would improve

*no pun intended if you’re actually a Swiftie.

It’s story follows the relationship between a socially awkward, meek PhD Student Olive Smith (missed opportunity to name her Olive Greene) and very tall, [practically internationally-known] “asshole” Professor Adam Carlsen. They go about a Fake-Dating scheme so that Olive’s best friend Anh, can date her ex [who broke her heart into a million pieces] without feeling guilty. Not to anyone’s surprise, they fall in love. I don’t think I needed to put a Spoiler alert on that- It would’ve been insulting given how obvious it is.

I like that it uses it’s speech in a realistic, more modern way, especially given that Olive is not particularly well-spoken. I like that there are excerpts of text messages- and the incorporation of this feels natural. This makes complete and utter creative sense. However, where they occur, the descriptions are sub-par, if I may be so brutally honest. It carries on with the same informal tone as the text, and because of that, it comes across as juvenile. The fact that it’s written in third person doesn’t really make sense, given that we just follow Olive. If it had been written in first, it would’ve been more cohesive, as her inner monologue is probably voiced in this tone. As well as this, the actual proportion of Speech to actual literary text is astounding. I could flick to any page and probably seventy percent + of it is just speech. I’d hate to think that the publishers made her strip back the text for Commercial interest.

Another Detail that irks me is the number of times we are badgered as readers to remember just how tall, big, massive, huge, towering Adam is. Again, using a first person POV would’ve made more sense, as these are Olive’s thoughts. 

The Characters were bland, to put it simply. I didn’t dislike them at all, but they felt very generic, and weren’t really expanded upon. Adam is grumpy, yet honest and human (he was the most described Character, and had the most extensive backstory.). Olive devotes her life to academia, is clumsy, witty when she wants to be (I would’ve liked to see that side of her more), Anh is feminist, and Malcolm is the gay best friend... we don’t really get much more than that. 

The LGBTQ+ representation in this book is something else that bothered me too. Though not explicitly stated, Olive presents traits of Demisexuality- which is described just before She and Adam are about to have Sex:

 “It’s not that I want to not have sex. I just . . . don’t particularly want to have it. There is something weird about my brain, and my body, and—I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I don’t seem to be able to experience attraction like other people. Like normal people. I tried to just . . . just to do it, to get it over with, and the guy I did it with was nice, but the truth is that I just don’t feel any . . .” She closed her eyes. This was difficult to admit. “I don’t feel any sexual attraction unless I actually get to trust and like a person, which for some reason never happens. Or, rarely. It hadn’t, not in a long time, but now—I really like you, and I really trust you, and for the first time in a million years I want to—” 

This is something that is glossed over extensively, which I’m sure many wouldn’t appreciate. To quote a Goodreads reviewer:

“It was as if the author just wanted to add more to Olive’s lacking personality so she sprinkled some pretty damn humiliating ace representation. Many people might not realize how ignorant it really is when you take a misrepresented and underrepresented sexual orientation and make your character say “there is something wrong with [her] brain,” making it seem like she “isn’t normal” because she experiences sexual attraction differently than “normal people”. Saying this is not only stereotypical, but generally rude.”

Also, to have Malcolm’s character be nothing more than the overdone “Gay Best Friend” stereotype is so tired. This misrepresentation unfortunately adds to the fact that this book isn’t really taken seriously. The story is promising and honestly unique- but this is one of a few missteps.

Concerning the aforementioned Sex Scene[s}. In one night- and I say in the most respectful way possible- they really got it on (and I’ve read Colleen Hoover). 28 Pages of explicit, horny, and somewhat cringey detail. You wouldn’t have known from the cover, thank goodness.

My problem with these kinds of books is that they take themselves too seriously. For instance, This could be a perfect, fluffy romance book marketed towards [pre]teens (not to diminish our intelligence, or anything)- but the Sex Scene? It’s evidently not for that age group. Despite that, It’s toned down: embarrassed. Embrace a genre!

In conclusion (to wrap it up, midnight is fast approaching), please feel free to read this book. It’s not groundbreaking, if a little boring, but I wouldn’t adamantly shoo you away from it if I saw you approaching where it lies in that Foyles section. There are many people that enjoyed it more than I did, and you may be one of them, if you’re into contemporary literature. However, you might want to be prepared for disappointment. If all else fails, There’s always Taylor Jenkins Reed.

P.S: To anyone who originated from my 1984 book review- yes, my Literary Palette went downhill. I read too many stark classics back to back- namely The Collector, The Bell Jar, The Diary of Anne Frank- and needed a break. Especially because I lamented to my English teacher on many occasions [”Why Oh Why am I so depressed..... What book am I reading? Oh. OK. That makes sense.”], and it was all getting a bit too much. Anyhow, better things are coming (Eat, Pray, Love & Lolita). 

[rubyxts]

Taylor Swift’s Lyrical Traffic Violations, Ranked

As Taylor Swift continues the slow but steady release of her re-recordings with Red (Taylor’s Version), we’re able to collectively revisit some of her early work through the lens of her discography as a whole. In doing so, there are certain recurring themes or tropes that become apparent, like forbidden romances, colors representing emotions, and the worst driving imaginable. Anyone who’s either a Swiftie or a crossing guard is sure to have noticed just how often Taylor sings about these illegal traffic maneuvers. And after nine albums of this, it’s reached a point where I finally begin to understand why the gay antagonist in “Picture to Burn” didn’t let her drive his “stupid old pickup truck.”

🤧

That being said, when really examining these violations with a critical eye, it becomes apparent that most of them were actually committed by the men driving Taylor around. Amongst this “long list of ex-lovers,” there are some reckless drivers, some who make minor mistakes, and some whose licenses should be revoked. The trend has slowed down as of late, suggesting that Joe Alwyn is a very good, responsible driver, whose time behind the wheel is not interesting enough to sing about — thank God.

Here, we rank every traffic violation in Taylor Swift’s discography, considering factors like severity of the infraction, danger level, and importance to T. Swiftian canon. But much like the way traffic cops do their jobs, the reasoning is mostly arbitrary and made up.

15. “Our Song” (Taylor Swift)

“He’s got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, The other on my heart”

The first thing they teach you in driver’s ed is to keep your hands at ten and two, and yet here Taylor is driving around town with a boy who only has one hand on the wheel. Their “song” is going to be the sound of sirens if he doesn’t get his act together.

14. “Red” (Red)

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street, Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”

Whether it be a new Maserati, or a pre-owned Toyota RAV4, it is never a good idea to take off full speed down a dead-end street. Particularly if it’s not even a cul-de-sac and you’ll have to do a three-point turn to get out. Now, to be fair, there’s some room for debate on just how fast she’s going since it depends on wind speed. The average wind speed in Taylor’s home state of Pennsylvania is 17.1 mph, the highest wind speed ever recorded on Earth is 253 mph, and the speed of “The Wind” by Cat Stevens is 115 BPM. So do with that what you will.

13. “State of Grace” (Red)

“I’m walking fast through the traffic lights”

Traffic lights, per their name, are famously designed for cars — not pedestrians. So Taylor has absolutely no business galavanting through traffic on foot like a regular Kelly Killoren Bensimon.

12. “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” (Reputation)

“Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year”

Much like Taylor Swift’s discography, The Great Gatsby is also about terrible driving, which I assume is why she relates to it. I know this because I not only read The Great Gatsby in high school, but I also saw the Fergie-scored film adaptation. A cornerstone of both versions is vehicular manslaughter.

11. “betty” (Folklore)

“Kissin’ in my car again, Stopped at a streetlight”

Folklore’s “betty,” “august,” and “cardigan” are a trilogy of songs about loitering told from three different perspectives. The bulk of this love triangle seems to boldly take place in parked cars. In “august” for example, Taylor sings, “Meet me behind the mall,” and I highly doubt that they were grabbing an Auntie Anne’s and hitting up a Macy’s One Day Sale. In “betty” and “cardigan,” they don’t even wait until they’re concealed behind the safety of a closed down DSW, instead opting for a spot under a streetlight of all places.

10. “Cornelia Street” (Lover)

“But then you called, showed your hand, I turned around before I hit the tunnel”

Given that this song is about a street in one of Taylor’s favorite lyrical neighborhoods, the West Village, it’s fair to assume that the tunnel in question is the Holland Tunnel. Those surrounding roads are a nightmare, so I’m nearly certain that this would have to be an illegal U-turn — which I think is a fair leap to make given her history of vehicular crime. That being said, this might just be the most understandable violation given the choice was between Joe Alwyn and Jersey City.

9. “Fearless” (Fearless)

“I wanna stay right here in this passenger seat, You put your eyes on me”

Taylor gets a lot of flack for writing songs about boys she dates, but doesn’t get nearly enough heat for distracting them while they’re trying to drive. This is just one of the many times that she prides herself on being more interesting for a driver to look at than the road.

8. “Style” (1989)

“Midnight, you come and pick me up, no headlights, Long drive, could end in burning flames or paradise”

Thematically, 1989 is an album about Harry Styles being bad at driving. The first of many examples of this is here in his namesake song, where he picks Taylor up with no headlights on. Clearly an attempt to sneak around undetected, it’s actually just a surefire way to hit a deer — ESPECIALLY at midnight of all times. At least Taylor seems to know from the jump the dangers of getting in a car with Harry behind the wheel, understanding that the long drive could potentially end in burning flames.

7. “Cruel Summer” (Lover)

“So cut the headlights, summer’s a knife”

Well it looks like someone didn’t learn her lesson about driving in the dark. Here it sounds like she’s trying to corrupt former frozen yoghurt shop employee Joe Alwyn, instructing him to turn off their headlights to keep a low profile. Still, it’s nothing compared to the far worse crime of this song, which is that it didn’t get a music video.

6. “Breathe” (Fearless)

“Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt, Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve”

Roads have a lot of little bumps, and if you’re swerving at every single one you’re a danger to society and your driving is sure to give poor Colbie Caillat whiplash.

5. “Getaway Car” (Reputation)

“You were driving the getaway car, We were flying but we’d never get far.”

I mean, what is there to say about this? Getaway cars very rarely are known for their safe, law-abiding driving. The song even references other crimes, like putting the money in the bag and stealing the keys (grand theft auto?), mentions of famed criminals Bonnie and Clyde (who tried to steal Moonlight’s Oscar), and worst of all saying “sorry” with a Canadian accent so it rhymes with “story.”

4. “Style” (1989)

“So it goes, He can’t keep his wild eyes on the road”

Speaking of wild eyes, somebody tell Olivia Wilde to never get in the car with Harry — we still need her Kerri Strug biopic.

3. “Out of the Woods” (1989)

“Remember when you hit the brakes too soon? Twenty stitches in a hospital room”

As any history buff knows, in December of 2014 Taylor Swift and Harry Styles went on a ski trip to Park City, Utah, with Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. It was on this fateful trip that the One Direction singer and future Cats star got into a snowmobile accident, resulting in Harry getting 20 stitches on his chin. Taylor later told Rolling Stone that she saw her life flash before her eyes, which I can understand because if I were in an accident I would also see Taylor Swift’s life flash before my eyes. The incident is shrouded in mystery, with Taylor urging the witnesses not to tell anyone about it, so we may never know what it was that caused Harry Styles to brake too soon. Perhaps a stray Chelsea boot in need of a home.

2. “All You Had to Do Was Stay” (1989)

“All I know is that you drove us off the road”

Why did this woman continue to let Harry Styles drive her around? What kind of adrenaline-junkie death wish did she possess?

1. “All Too Well” (Red)

“You almost ran the red ’cause you were looking over at me”

Jake Gyllenhaal might as well have been using the scarf that Taylor left at Maggie Gyllenhaal’s house as a blindfold, because this man was NOT looking at the road. When one drives down a little town street, especially with the precious cargo of America’s songstress in the car, it is key to watch where you’re going. Skidding to a halt because you didn’t realize that the light had turned red (the TITULAR color)? Unacceptable, Donnie Darko. The “crumpled-up piece of paper” that he made Taylor feel like was probably a traffic summons. Along with the release of Red (Taylor’s Version), we’re also finally getting the mythical ten-minute version of this song, and I truly shudder to think about what other traffic crimes Jake Gyllenhaal will commit in those extra four minutes and 33 seconds.

[sapphicambitions]

Rating Evermore Songs By The Homoerotic Subtext

Before i get into this please know that i do not give two shits about Taylor Swift’s personal life or sexuality. That is not what this is about. I’ve just gotten my grubby little gay hands on this album.

Willow:  While it fucking slaps and is genuinely  one of my favorite songs on the album i don’t really get a lot of homoerotic subtext from it. also the fact that im listening to it from a lesbian’s perspective and the line “that’s my man” is repeated a lot so i don’t connect to it on a homo level but it does slap. 2/10

Champagne Problems: ugh this song is so good. feels like it was written about happiest season, if im being honest. like the narrator is still closeted while her lover is out to her family. and like insert the plot of happiest seasons also the mention of flannel? come on. also like the narrator’s lover’s gender is never mentioned so im choosing to believe the narrator is singing about loving a woman while she’s in the closet. you can’t tell me that im wrong. impeccable homoerotic vibes 8/10

Gold Rush: this song is just overflowing in homoerotic subtext. “what must it be like to grow up that beautiful”????? “With your hair falling into place dominoes”????? “THE COSTAL TOWN WE WANDERED ‘ROUND HAD NEVER SEEN A LOVE AS PURE AS IT” ???? that’s me singing about my crush. The whole thing feels like im singing about my unattainable crush. That is what i chose to think this song is about. 9/10

’Tis the Damn Season: this song makes me go bonkers. yes yes its about going back home and reconnecting with an old flame. I get the homoerotic subtext out of this purely because i like it and there’s no reference to pronouns in it. Like i CAN make this about homoeroticism if I WANT to but it’s not like as inherent as some of the other songs. Pretty okay homo vibes. 5/10

Tolerate It - the homo vibes in this one hurt me. they hurt me!!! the line “I know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it” hits HARD when you have family members who just Don’t Acknowledge your gayness. Like yes yes this is about a lover but god this song hits so hard in context of a queer person’s relationship with their less than enthusiastic family. Now I’m begging for footsteps in the story of your life? If it’s all in my head tell me now? Took this dagger in me and removed it? goddddddd it hits a little too hard. i can also related it to my love life of loving someone who only kind of cares about me so there’s homo subtext in that but jesus christ this song makes me think about my family. 7/10

No Body, No Crime: do you think that after the narrator killed ester’s husband she muttered to herself: “but no homo” ? 10/10 homoerotic subtext. I don’t need to explain it.

Happiness: i do not care about Miss Swift’s intentions, because there is little to no subtext in this one, tbh. to ME this song is about my relationship with my former self and how i’ve grown into my gayest self. I can’t make it go away by making her a villain. And she hasn’t me the new me yet. There will be happiness after her but there was happiness because of her. My relationship with my past self and my current self is complicated and messy and necessary 4/10

Dorothea: i mean, we know. we all know. it’s the betty of this album, but better. I firmly believe this will be the next song tiktok lesbians obsess over. interpret that as you will. 8/10.

Coney Island: references the long haul. like a Uhaul. lesbianism. anytime i hear a woman call her lover “baby” i automatically assume lesbianism. Also this song makes me think about One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston but y’all don’t know that yet. Unfortunately this song is a duet with a man. I don’t really connect to this song a lot, tbh. 2/10

Ivy: i mean like this song is about having an affair with someone who is not the narrator’s husband. The homoeroticism of this one JUMPED OUT. my GOD this just RADIATES secret lesbian love affair. like this is in the olden times when you couldn’t be gay and women had to be married to men in order to survive but the narrator is in love with a woman she can’t be with. the imagery of this song is so sapphic. 12/10. i love it so much,

Cowboy Like Me: Pack it up, Brokeback Mountain. 15/10.

Long Story Short: I can get nothing of my own out of this song because it is just so obviously taylor swift singing about her own life. those stronger than me might be able to get homoerotic subtext out of it but i can only hear Taylor Swift singing about Taylor Swift which is fine, it’s a good song, but it gets a 0/10 on the homoeroticism

Majorie - I know this is about her grandmother and i relate to this song a lot about someone in my life that i lost. it is a song about loss and loving someone you lost but how they never really leave you and its beautiful but unfortunately it is the song i think about when i think about my gay ships that got hit with the good old bury your gays trope. like this is a queliot song. it is. i don’t make the rules. but the song itself isn’t really homoerotic, more that i can just relate to it on many levels. 3/10 on the homoeroticism scale but a 10/10 for a well written song.

Closure: First of all, this song is a bop. It reminds me a lot of the ben platt song where eh says “did you read my letter? do you know me better than i know myself?” so therefore im already thinking in homo terms. I would say these are pretty solid homoerotic vibes. i relate to this song a lot because a lot of my “exes” i never officially dated and we broke up there was absolutely no closure and im just rubbing my grubby homosexual hands all over this song. 6/10

Evermore: i am completely erasing Miss Swiftie’s intentions behind a song, this song is about my struggle with finding my sexuality and my journey with coming out and how i felt suffocated by the closet and i was convinced that everything was going to terrible for forever and i felt very lost and i look back on this time very bittersweetly cause it sucked but it brought me to where i am today. 5.5/10 homoeroticism

[thesimonkshow]

My thoughts on Folklore

This is about to be a long ass Taylor Swift post, so strap in for the ride.

I along with many others were going about their business (looking at Adam Driver gifs) before my phone alerted me to the notification that Taylor Swift was releasing her eighth studio album Folklore the very next day. Chaos everywhere, my sleep schedule went out the window as I went into the Swifties tag to see how everyone else was dealing with this news. So I eagerly awaited 2PM (Australian time) for the album to drop and after a few listens (sleep got the better of me through my first listen due to my previous sleep schedule), I eventually picked out some album highlights.

The 1 - I love how freely she’s cussing on the album (a point that will be reitriated throughout), and I know Gossip tabloids and casuals will be shooketh because they’d think Taylor & Mr. Alwyn have ‘broken up’ due to Taylor’s personable lyrics but this gave me Better Man vibes. Remember when the Bridge said ‘You might have bern The One if you were a Better Man’ and this is basically that without the angsty fire.

Cardigan - I LOVE how Alternative Folk fits Taylor’s voice, it sounds like she’s telling us a story and we are entrapsed by her. It also works perfectly with the love triangle songs, which I had to understand a bit through a few listens.

The Last Great American Dynasty - The moment I saw this track, I knew it would be epic. I pictured her taking the piss out of the Trump family, but what I got was an awesome song about the woman who owned Taylor’s Rhode Island house and the antics she got up to. I love the descriptors she used when describing the weddings and the party’s Rebekah & Bill had and especially the bridge of antics Rebekah got up to later in her time. The ‘And then it was bought by me.’ Part of the bridge, I love a good twist!

Exile - OH MY LORD. When I saw Skinny Love Bon Iver on this album, I knew this would be something and low and behold it was. The concept of the man in exile in her intro caught my attention but seeing it up close and personal was amazing. The vocals interlaced with each other was perfection, especially as Taylor responds to Bon Iver. I really connected it to the struggles of Seth Rollins in the latter half of 2019, how he seemed to be exiled from the WWE, how his initial opponent Kevin Owens was having his flaws disregarded to drag Seth down, the ‘Always Keep Fighting’ shirt that he wore (raising money for mental health chairties) adding insult to injury for Seth, who had even briefly deactivated his twitter to clear his headspace following attacks/death threats from a fellow wrestler’s fan base. ‘I gave you every sign’ rings true here, the man was struggling and no one seemed to care.

My Tears Ricochet - My WWE ass was happy to see another Wrestler reference after The Man. So this was an interesting look, but I got another story that intrigued me, a man having been involved in a tumultous connection with the songs narrator showing up to her funeral to save face. Listeners drew parraells with the recent Masters drbarkle with Scott Borchetta, head of Big Machine Records with whom Taylor was once signed to, and I have to say it’s a good perspective to take.

Mirrorball - This one took a while but I ended up loving the fact she could sing from a Mirrorball’s perspective and still make an epic song. I loved the part about always fitting in with the crowd because at functions/discos where mirrorballs are used, the lights will change to fit the mood and being a reflective surface, Mirrorballs will reflect the colour change.

Seven - This was a nice ditty about a past friend Taylor once had. I really loved the line ‘Please picture me in the weeds before I learned Civility’ it gives a more sophisticated parraell to Never Grow Up.

August - This is the second in the love triangle songs, and I loved the storytelling aspect as Taylor paints the picture of an affair that Summer Nights would quake in it’s boots if it heard about it. She sweeps up the adience in the Mistresses POV, showcasing the sweetness of love and the sting of toxcisity.

This is me trying - Where are those who said Taylor Swift plays the victim in her songs? Because this is for them. Taylor states in this her regrets of wasted potential, broken relationships etc. at the end of the day no matter how many awards she has, records she breaks, or money she possesses, Taylor Alison Swift is a human being, and we should give her boundries to grow and flourish.

Illicit Affairs - This track title also intrigued me, and whilst it does what the title says, and discusses the highs and lows of the secret passions of mismatched lovers, the second verse & bridge stood out to me the most. The way Taylor’s voice went up on him in the line ‘Leave the perfume on the shelf that you picked out just for him.’ Drew my attention as she later did the same thing on the word high, this had to mean something. And given that we don’t know the narrators gender, this could also be a song about a closeted gay man who’s found love but is struggling to accept this relationship. Whereas the bridge reminded me a lot of the Adam & Hannah breakup in Season 4 of Girls in the episode Sit In where Hannah denounces Adam’s nickname of kid, which he had called her by since the first season, with the episode before that showing her heartbroken that Adam has gotten a new girlfriend behind her back and thus turns into a mess locked in her apartment for a day and two nights. it was a heartbreaking part of the show, one that shifted it into a new era for better or for worse, and the entirety of this reasonated with me.

Invisible String - Around this point was where melotonin kicked in for me on my first listen, so I’ve heard this less than the other songs, but I love how it discusses her relationship with Joe & how for better or for worse, he is hers. It continued the theme with them on Lover of not having a great picturesque love, but having ups and downs like any couple.

Mad Woman - The calmer sister of The Man, she won’t throw big production and actions around, she can take you down with words alone. The track stings brutally as Taylor takes down sexism as it exists in our world today, and even sadly paints a visual of how it must have been for women back in the day fighting for equal rights. ‘Does a scorpion sting when fighging back?’ Line was annother connection, as I was reminded of Vanessa Ives from Penny Dreadful and how the animal symbology that stuck with her was a scorpion, used to great effect in the Season 2 finale in a confrontation with Lucifer’s makeshift doll of her. The chorus line ‘And you’ll poke the bear till her claws come out, and you’ll find something to wrap your noose around’ stuck with me on my listens, and really shows how men will strike and then run away saying ‘it’s a joke, she’s hysterical’ etc. the part about women loving to hunt witches also reminded me of a Doctor Who episode called ‘The Witchers’ and also reminded some listeners of how Demi Lovato took Scooter Braun’s side in the Licencing debarkle, in fact in the first part of the bridge, the song also has a double meaning. It’s also about the state of affairs following Taylor’s songs being stolen from her. The part in the bridge about the wives knowing about their Spinster husbands having affairs and not wanting to show their anger for fear of being outcast like the titular woman is angsty but so lyrically genius.

Epiphany - I had to listen to this a couple of times but once I realised what it was about, I was in shock. This is about her Grandfather Dean who she mentioned in the intro who fought in a war. The song paints the war setting with the helmet, the flesh wound and the rifle within the first few words, and I especially loved the line ‘And some things we don’t speak of.’ because it talked about how some soldiers develop PTSD from their experiences, yet don’t want to discuss them for fear of being perceived as weak. Also the outro beat sounds like a radar scanning for a plane, and the beat of the drum sounds like bombs exploding, really adds to the War theme.

Betty - This is the final track in the love triangle story as it tells the story of James as he fights to earn back Betty’s love after he has an affair with Inez. The eventual pitfalls of Illicit Affairs have come for Inez which causes her to tell Betty of their affair, which is a nice link. This songs gives a classic Greese/Christine/Cheesy 80s Film meets Trixie Mattel vibe which I loved. I also loved the callbacks to August & Cardigan, along with the casual F bomb droppings.

Peace - This is another sweet love song for Joe which calls back to Cruel Summer, Cornelia Street & Dancing With Our Hands Tied as Taylor struggles with the connection she has established with Joe, and contemplates escaping, but eventually knows she’ll stay. How the entire world will be on them, but she’ll be by his side through it all. Similar to Invisible String but different all at once and a perfect penultimate track to lead to the last song.

Hoax - The sweetness brings us to the double edged sword of a closing track. Giving a shattering realisation that love can be tricky at times, the references to Call It What You Want ‘I am ash from your fire’, The Archer ‘You know the hero died so what’s the movie for?’ & ... So It Goes ‘You knew you won so what’s the point of keeping score’. Taylor loves Joe so much that when they fight it’s as painful as when she became Pop Culture Enemy #1 back in 2016. But no matter what, she says herself ‘Don’t want no other shade of blue but you. No other sadness in this world would do’ relationships are always painful, there is no happy endings all round, but there is still love to be found.

All in all this is an incredible album & @taylorswift you have created magic and I hope you know that myself & all the Swifties are so proud of you for flexing your writing skill and crafting such a stunning album.